#just admit he's immortal ok matt

[usaigi]

Chapter 2 - Deal With The Devil

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Summary (T) Earth 65 AU where Elektra is Daredevil and was hell-bent on killing her ex Matt Murd(er)ock but she’s in therapy now and is channeling her energy into helping Spider-Women defeat him instead. Semi-comics/Marvel movies crossover. Elektra and Matt are mostly based on the Netflix version and Gwen is based on Into the Spiderverse.

“Can I ask why Murdock specifically? I know he’s related to Fisk but I thought you took care of Fisk. And surely there are other people high up in the crime syndicate pyramid scheme.”

“Cut off the head another takes its place. Murdock is just picking up where Fisk left off.”

“So ah. Ok this is going to sound like super ableist but Murdock is blind, right? I totally get how he can still be a leader of the mob with like accommodation and stuff but. Can’t we just,” Gwen punches the air a couple of times. 

Gwen never had the fortune of fighting Fisk herself but hearing from her dad, that man is built like an unmovable wall. Even if he hadn’t been legally untouchable for the last decade until Daredevil swopped in, he’s strength was borderline superhuman. And apparently, he has the temper of a child, with tantrums loud enough to flip cars. And they say girls are emotional. 

So what exactly is Elektra so concerned about? Murdock is just a dude. Kinda look like a Chad but in a rich kid I-went-to-Columbia-and-played-polo way. Probably owns a pair of pastel-colored shorts. 

“You’ve never fought him?” Elektra asks, eyes squinting slightly. 

“No? I don’t make it a habit in fighting people with disabilities,” Gwen says, causing Elektra to break out into a wry laugh, turning away to hide her face from Gwen. Guess she finds ableism funny. Canceled. 

“The chemicals that blinded him also enhanced his remaining sense, his earring, smell, touch, and taste. They all like work together to create a sort of radar. You know, like the blind girl from Avatar. Combine that with his years of martial arts training with the Hand, he’s a deadly opponent.” 

“The what?”

“The Hand. Yeah I know, stupid name. Cults always have dumb names,” heh true. What kind of dumb name is Scientology? What’s scientific about paying a buttload of money to reach enlightenment? Just smoke a blunt and look at the city lights like everyone else. “We’re called the Chaste so it’s not like it’s any better,”

“Who is we?” Gwen asks, tilting her head ever so slightly. Wait, is Elektra also in a cult? 

“You want a role call or what?” Elektra says dryly. 

“I mean, I’d like to know who’s on my team. Like what if someone joins us and I think they’re with Murdock and I accidentally punch them,” Gwen asks. 

“Then you apologize..?”

“Well yeah but–”

“You don’t have to worry about that now, tonight's thing is just us.” Tonight? Don’t worry about it? Gwen was under the impression that Elektra was going to train on something, not jump straight into a mission. And for someone who scolded her yesterday for being reckless, the ‘plan’ is as vague as a punk show poster. Band: Spider-Women and Daredevil. Time: sometime after ten and before we’re all corporate slaves to The Man …The Hand? BYOW (Bring Your Own Weapons). 

“Ok so. Murdock took Fisk's spot at the Kingpin?”

“Sorta. I think he’s still taking some orders from Fisk but Murdock has his own agenda. Fisk is just a capitalist, Murdock is connected with the Hand.”

“And what does the Hand want?”

“What does any secret ninja want? World control or immortality or something.”

“And what does your cult want?”

“You’ve seen Midsommar, right?” Blink blink, sorry what? “Kidding, duh. You’re so serious. The Chast isn’t a cult. It’s a thousand-year-old organization aiming to stop the Hand,” Elektra ‘clarifies,’ heavy on the air quotes. No one in a cult ever admits to being in a cult.   

“Quacks like a cult, walks like a cult,” Gwen says shrugging, throwing her hands up. “Hey, no judgment! I know you Hollywood people are into some weird crap.” Is anyone else in it? It would be kinda cool if Elliphant is in the cult. Maybe Gwen would be down to join the cult if there are cool people in it. 

“Bestie, if you wanna join, you’re in,” Elektra gives her a playful wink. “Ok, today’s mission should be easy enough, my sources say Murdock’s at a party on the Upper East side so we don’t have to worry about him. The Hand is expecting an important delivery, some sort of weapon. Murdock paid the tracksuit mafia to meet his guys at the docks. Plan is I’m going to fight the Hand and you’re going to swing in a couple of minutes later and help with the tracksuits. I want Murdock to think there’s a mole working with the tracksuits and to turn against them. Or at least think they’re incompetent. Since this is our first team-up, he’ll have no suspicion that we coordinated the attack–” 

“Wait, last question,” Gwen interrupts.

“Yeah?”

“How do you know so much about Murdock?” Elektra really seems to know Murdock, his location, his thought patterns. Not to accuse her of being a mole but… Elektra is a stranger who found her in a dumpster. 

“It’s ugh whatever,” Elektra stutters. Pull her scarf up to hide her face in a hurry.

Oh!

“No way,” Gwen gasps. “No. Fucking. Way.”

“I don’t like how much you curse.” Gwen can see Elektra's transparent attempt to change the subject. 

“You slept with Murdock!?” 

“No no, it’s worse. I dated him.”

“You what!? How long? Why? When? WHY!?”

“Long time. You do dumb stuff when you’re young and in love. Wait, how old are you?”

“Seventeen.”

“Brutal.” Yeah, that's fair. “If the mission goes well we can have brunch and gossip tomorrow but, let’s go Spider-Women.” 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

“Ok, plan. You’re going down there and you’re going to fight those dudes in black and my dudes are the ones in the tracksuits, right? But like when I swing in, you’re gonna start fighting all the dudes right? And that must be the container with the weapon, right DD?” Elektra’s gone? Gwen looks around, confused. “Daredevil?”

Oh. 

There is she. 

Slicing through one guy and kicking another guy in the face. Thanks for the heads up. They didn’t even get to say, “Go team!”  

The tracksuits are hiding out being some containers, shooting chaotically at Murdock’s guys– oh they really are ninjas, with masks and swords and everything. Not just some Naruto cosplayers, they seem legit. 

Although, if anyone care to consult Gwen, the Hand ninjas and the Russian Tracksuit guys should totally switch uniforms so the ninjas can look like the lady from Kill Bill. 

Gwen keeps a close eye on Elektra, observing her fight style. Like herself, Elektra increments a lot of acrobatics, varying from flips to jump kicks. But where Gwen has a background in dance, Elektra looks like she has a background in Taekwondo or Capoeira. Every move is deliberate, every move is dripped with confidence and power. Quick and efficient punches to major pressure points. Elektra fights like a tiger–hiding behind obstacles and blending into the shadows before prancing on her victim, and kneeing them right in the neck.  

Ouch. 

Surely it’s been enough time? Has it? Maybe Gwen would know if Elektra actually went over the plan but it’s fine . It’s fine!

Gwen, you came in too soon, MJ’s voice echoes. 

Never too early for a badass dumb solo. 

One-two-three, Spider-Women swings in. Kick one guy and push him into another, causing them to trip over a pile of trash as she lands gracefully on the top of a shipping container. Guitar lick, the crowd cheers, and, “hey guys.” It’s Spider-Women, woosh. “Love the tracksuits, so Y2K. Are they Juicy Coutier?”

Gwenhe thwaps one gun out of one tracksuit's hand and throws it at another dude's face, hitting him right in the noise. She webs one dude and webs this other guy and bop.

“Come on, guys! At least make the fight juicy!”   

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

The fight doesn’t make long, despite being outmatched, the Hand and the tracksuits are severally outskilled. Gwen is careful not to get too close to Elektra, hoping that none of the goons think they’re coordinating this. Still, she does web one guy's sword out of the way, giving Elektra a perfect opening. 

“Thanks,” she just says. 

Soon enough, someone shouts something in Japanese and someone else says something in Russian and they all skirt away. Gwen tries to run after them before Elektra stops her.

“Help me open the container instead,” Elektra says, prying the door. Gwen helps before peeking her head in, anxiously anticipating a legendary sword or spear or bomb. 

Not this. Anything but this. 

“It’s just a kid…” Gwen says apprehensively, “Elektra, he’s just a kid.”

“...Fuck. I ah–I ahh I have a friend on the police force. I’ll call him and the paramedics. Can you stay with him?” She nods, putting her hands up before carefully approaching the boy. Poor kid couldn’t be more than ten years old, fear painting his face. 

“Hi,” Gwen says softly, “hi, don’t be scared, I’m not going to hurt you. Here–” she crouches down. “What’s your name?”

“Peter…” 

“Oh ah that’s so cool. That’s my best friends name…” her voice drops, fear creeping up her throat. “And he’s one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met. He taught me something important, do you want to learn what is it?” She waits until Peter gives a nervous nod. “Everyone is capable of being special. Just like you. You’re special and that’s why we rescued you.”  

“I want my parents…”

“I know, I know. We’re going to help you find them. We’re going to help you. Do you trust us?”

He nods shakily. 

“Good.”

Gwen holds the little boy close til the ambulance sirens creep in, helping the paramedic transfer him on the stretcher. She uses a bit of webbing to pull the shock blanket up, earning her the tiniest smile from Peter. Totally worth it. 

The assisting cops scatter around the crime scene, and Elektra stands off in the corner to talk to her friend? Oh crap, Castle. Ahh. Seriously Elektra, of all the people you could be friends with why him? Though maybe she shouldn’t be too surprised in her poor judgment, Elektra did date and probably make lots kisses and smoochies and yuck to Murdock. 

Peter’s safe now, surely Elektra will understand why she’s webbing away. She sends Elektra a quick text asking her to meet her on the same roof top.

Gwen climbs up the side of a building before launching her web, swinging off like the badass she is. 

—

“Wow! That was so cool! I can’t believe it! Sorry I dipped, Castle totally terrifies me, hold thing that we don’t need to get into but that was so cool! The way you used your pitchfork things–” Gwen blathers as soon as Elektra shows up. 

“My sais?”

“Is that what they’re called? Cool! But yeah! Thank you!”

“No problem.”

“Do you think we can visit the kid tomorrow in the hospital? I mean as civilians, totally weird if Daredevil and Spider-Women showed up for visitation–”

“I’m sure we can,” Elektra smiles. 

“I guess I should introduce myself then. Properly,” Gwen pulls her mask off, revealing her million-dollar smile, and extends her hand. “I’m Gwen Stacy.”

“I know. I googled your phone number. Remind me to get you a burner phone. But it’s nice to meet you, Gwen Stacy, I’m Elektra,” taking her hand with an equally sincere smile. 

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

So yay, they saved the day. Go Team Spider-Woman and Daredevil. A cooler-and-more-stylish Batman and Robin (Gwen being Batman of course). Girl Power! Yippee. 

Can two girls share the cover for Forbes thirty under thirty? Meh, she’ll email Mr. Forbes himself tomorrow morning. Will Elektra let her borrow a fancy dress for their press interview? Maybe something aqua. With sparkles. And biker shorts because ya never know. 

Changing into her old band shirt and pair of shorts, Gwen flops–not lays gracefully, not awkwardly climbs in– flops onto her bed. Ahh her back felt so crunchy she should really stretch before sleep but she’s so exhausted. She hugs one of her Squishmellows and opens up youtube, queues up a video of Watcher, and waits for her eyelids to feel too heavy. 

Brrrring. 

Huh? 

Elektra?

“Hello,” Gwen grumbles.  

“Oh thank God, are you ok? Where are you?” Elektra sounds like she’s out of breath like she’s in the middle of a fight. But no, the fight just ended. They won. 

“I’m home. Why, what’s going on?”

“Someone got the kid. Gwen, I’m so sorry…”

What…?

[talkingpointsusa]

Dave Rubin has absolutely no idea what he's talking about exhibit #1246

For the sake of my own sanity I haven't watched a "Rubin Report" for a while. Unfortunately for that aforementioned sanity, Dave Rubin's response to the Trump Trial was so absolutely asinine that I felt like I had no choice but to immortalize it here on the blog. Lets get into it.

02:07, Dave Rubin: "As always I'm going to try to do this in the most honest way possible but my sort of bumper sticker on all of this would be that it does not matter whether you like Donald Trump, whether you hate Donald Trump, whether you begrudgingly were gonna vote for Donald Trump or you just were sort of on the fence or whatever -- wherever you fall on that chart it just simply does not matter at that moment."

Dave Rubin and "doing this in the most honest way possible" do not belong in the same sentence. Leaving that aside, I'm sad to report that America is over. If you live in America, it's time to pack it up and leave.

03:03, Dave Rubin: "I think for those of you that watch this show often you know that I don't do like, the constant alarmist stuff, I actually try to do the reverse of that. But we could be heading there and for all of the other things that are wrong in the country right now whether it's immigration or the economy or all of the woke crap and everything else like, if we allow what seems to be happening right now to happen and Donald Trump ends up in jail or is not the nominee it's kind of over."

Dave Rubin, one of the all time greats in the field of spewing alarmist claptrap, claims that he's above alarmism and then promptly declares that America as we know it has ended because a politician that he likes was convicted of a crime by a jury of his peers. Dave reads a bit from a Daily Wire article about the conviction and then rants a bit more.

06:06, Dave Rubin: "So we're gonna get to some video in just a second of Donald Trump's press conference from this morning. We'll show you that, two and a half minutes unedited."

I've said it once and I'll say it again, Dave Rubin's show is basically a clip show where Dave occasionally mumbles something resembling a position between clips. A reactionary reaction channel if you will. That would be fine if Dave Rubin actually did research every once and a while but, as you'll see later on, Dave Rubin and research go together like oil and water.

07:58, Dave Rubin: "If we do this here in New York, OK so in New York they will take out the Republicans cause New York is largely a Democrat state, well in Florida they'll start taking out the Democrats."

So, you admit that your side is going to clog up the justice system with pointless cases because your side wants revenge. The primary driving force behind the thing that Dave is talking about is the Republican Party trying to get "revenge" on the Democrats even though the Biden administration had nothing to do with the prosecution. If you don't believe me, just ask Matt Walsh who was advocating for that very thing on his Friday show.

Dave lives up to his promise and plays some of Donald Trump's press conference. The press conference was filled to the brim with false claims and if you want to read more about them take a look at this article here. In the meantime, we're here to fact-check Dave Rubin who's just so....utterly daft.

12:25, Dave Rubin: "He could be playing with his grandkids and spending the rest of his days on a golf course but he's doing what I think is right and for whatever his flaws are and all of that stuff it's actually all irrelevant at this point."

Trump's "flaws" should be really really relevant to Dave Rubin since they concern his marriage and his children. Dave Rubin is a gay man who has children through surrogacy, which is great and I'm happy for him and his family. What's not so great is that Dave is advocating for a party that wants to take his right to have kids and be married away from him and every other gay man in America.

Project 2025 has outlined that the government should only recognize marriages between a male and a female and has called for the end of surrogacy. Key figures who were involved in the writing of Project 2025 have close ties to Donald Trump and the RNC. If Dave wasn't so intent on selling out his fellow LGBTQ people for cash and clicks to the point where he's willfully blinded himself to reality, he should probably be extremely concerned about Trump's rhetoric around his own rights.

13:15, Dave Rubin: "So Donald Trump is going to be in jail. I don't know how quickly you end up in jail, is it the next day? I'm not sure the mechanisms on that but again the RNC, the convention, is like a week and a half later."

The offence that Trump was found guilty of doesn't require Trump to go to jail immediately after he's found guilty. Call me back when sentencing is done.

14:24, Dave Rubin: "Like, most people realize that the country is in trouble right now. The seven to ten million illegals, the sanctuary cities, the crime, the drugs, all of that. Does putting Donald Trump in jail or going through this clown circus that we are going through -- does this solve anything, does this make anyone's life better?"

It makes Dave Rubin's life better because he can use it to try and sucker conservatives on YouTube into watching his show using clickbait. In all seriousness, I don't know what Dave Rubin's point is. Is the court systems purpose to solve the often nonexistent or exaggerated problems posed by conservative media? Believe it or not New York does not have jurisdiction over the border nor can it single handedly fix America's drug problems.

Here comes one of the dumbest things you will hear this month, brace yourself.

17:34, Dave Rubin: "By the way, the Supreme Court of New York that they're gonna appeal - they're gonna file the appeal to go to the supreme court of New York because it's a New York trial. We showed you video about a month ago, its five black women because of diversity. Now, oddly the diversity that they care about is always about skin color, somehow the lefts diversity ends up with five black women being in charge of the Supreme Court of New York."

This is one of those statements that's so obscenely stupid that anyone who wants to talk about the news and repeats it to others should be absolutely ashamed.

First of all, they're not going to appeal this in the Supreme Court. In New York, the Supreme Court is the trial court whereas the Appeals Court is the highest court in the state. This is an extremely basic fact about the New York judicial system and it's completely unacceptable for somebody posing as a reputable source of news to get that fact wrong.

Honestly, Dave does not have his facts straight about any of the things that he is saying in this video and what he's doing is totally unacceptable conduct for a journalist or even a political commentator if Dave wants to call himself that. The New York Appellate Court is comprised of 21 individuals, many of whom aren't black females, the ones who are earned that position due to their legal experience. What Dave is basing his lie on is the fact that February 14th 2024 was the first time that 5 black female judges comprised a five person panel. This was something that only happened during one case for one day - not a permanent thing.

Dave Rubin seems to think that "the left" just appoints justices and focuses on appointing minorities because of DEI/ whatever thing that Dave's using to piss his audience off this week. What Dave seems to be missing here is that in the state of New York Supreme Court Justices are actually elected by the voters of the judicial district that they serve.

In short, Dave Rubin is a complete moron who is just pulling stuff out of his ass and that's readily apparent just by how absolutely wrong that entire statement was.

17:58, Dave Rubin: "I don't know all of their judicial beliefs, these five women, but do you think that they probably think similar things and they probably don't like Donald Trump and that's probably how they got the job in the first place. Like, do you think? Is that a crazy conspiracy theory?"

Not a crazy one, just an extremely stupid one being spun by an extremely lazy man who doesn't know the basic facts about what he's talking about and seems to hold the prejudiced belief that all females of color are a net entity that think in the exact same manner.

In the world according to Dave Rubin, Supreme Court justices in New York go through a job interview where the only question is "Do you hate Trump?" and are selected on a purely racial basis.

18:29, Dave Rubin: "The entire system, COVID, kept crashing down on him and he fought to the best of his ability, his imperfect ability and now things are worse."

When I was younger we called what Dave is talking about "being a terrible president". Anyway, Dave has a challenge for his audience.

19:31, Dave Rubin: "Find me a decent Democrat with a following who is a Joe Biden supporter who believes this is good, I will do a live debate with any of them, any of them. And that is a promise."

Dave Rubin, who has notoriously avoided debates with serious people, has issued the challenge. I'm going to keep this promise in mind the next time he turns a notable leftist down for a debate.

Dave proceeds to read an entire tweet from his hero Ron Desantis. Honestly, this is a pretty good encapsulation of what watching Dave Rubin is like. He reads paragraph long tweets for two minutes, follows it up by simply saying "oh that's exactly right" and then moving on. Like I've said before, Dave Rubin is the laziest man in conservative media. Yes, all of them are pretty damn lazy but Dave Rubin regularly takes that laziness to comedic extremes. It would be funny if people didn't take him seriously.

21:57, Dave Rubin: "What else has Alvin Bragg done in New York? Well you guys know what he's done in New York, he's allowed criminals to run the city."

Crime in New York City has been trending downward this year so this statement is just another statement based entirely on Dave's feelings an narratives and not based on the actual facts and data. Seriously, Dave Rubin's been operating out of another universe these days. Dave proceeds to read another paragraph long tweet from RFK Jr because we've got to pad this video out somehow.

24:42, Dave Rubin: "You may not agree with RFK on all of that and that's just fine but he represents what the Democrats used to be and what they are no longer."

RFK is pretty right-leaning and that's pretty obvious to anybody who looks at his statements and policy objectively. Also, "used to be and are no longer" is an extremely redundant sentence.

25:07, Dave Rubin: "Look at what this evil progressive authoritarian machine has done, it has destroyed so much of our institutional value in this country by destroying our universities and brainwashing a bunch of kids to think that America is fundamentally evil and that their genitals don't match their gender and all of that and now it's on the verge of impeaching Donald Trump who is the leading candidate in virtually every poll."

I've said this a million times but these guys have absolutely zero idea of what people actually do when they go to university. Engineering students aren't reading the communist manifesto and not a single professor in the country is trying to convince their poor sweet innocent cisgender students that they're actually transgender. While right-wing transphobia is always extremely infuriating, I find it twice as infuriating coming from the mouth of someone who is a member of the LGBTQ community whether he likes it or not. The thing that Dave seems to forget is that in the days before the far-rights narrative was "they're turning the kids trans" it was "they're turning the kids gay".

So, a majority of this episode of "The Rubin Report" is devoted to an AMA and we will be looking at none of it. I really could care less about Dave responding to questions.

Conclusion:

Well, that was a look into how Dave Rubin is taking the Trump trial. Mostly just him getting racist about the New York Supreme Court, an institution which he has absolutely zero understanding of, and making ridiculous and quite frankly bizarre statements with no basis in fact whatsoever.

Cheers and I'll see you in the next one.

Original Video:

The Rubin Report. “Trump Found Guilty, This Is What Happens Next.” YouTube, 31 May 2024.

Sources:

Dale, Daniel. “Fact Check: Trump’s Post-Conviction Monologue Was Filled with False Claims | CNN Politics.” CNN, 31 May 2024.

“How a Second Trump Presidency Could Impact the LGBTQ+ Community.” PBS NewsHour, 27 Mar. 2024, www.pbs.org/newshour/show/how-a-second-trump-presidency-could-impact-the-lgbtq-community.

“The Appeals Process: New York State Courts.” Kravet & Vogel, LLP, 11 Jan. 2022, kvnylaw.com/the-appeals-process-new-york-state-courts/.

McKay, Morgan. “NYC Officials Announce City Crime “Continues to Trend Downward.”” FOX 5 NY, 3 Apr. 2024, www.fox5ny.com/news/nyc-march-2024-crime-statistics.

[highwarlockkareena]

Immortal Alec confirmed again*

(*not actually confirmed but come on...)  x

[mattelektras]

can you talk about logan and elektra's friendship?

how long you got 

SOMETIMES when a bitch needs therapy and wont get it, they find another bitch who should be going to therapy and then they do murders together

they both have really similar experiences with being used by clandestine organisations and that sometimes even involving like. mind control and brainwashing. eg logan’s weapon x shit vs elektra’s hand shit. also logan’s beserker side vs elektra’s erynys side

and both of them never hold things against one another, like, for what they did when they werent themselves, or even when they were. because i think they both have the same understanding of the fact that sometimes people are bad and sometimes those people are us 

in savage wolverine logan said that being with elektra is a ‘lot like being alone’ which gives them that kind of friendship where they dont have to talk or communicate often to have a deep relationship. also for logan, with the xmen, theres so many of them and theyre all so VOCALLY there for him, and love him which can be hard for someone who isnt necessarily used to the family shit so to have elektra who’s the complete opposite of that and doesn’t show it with words or actions

she saw him as a man when he was more animal, and trained him back to being himself and he always seen her as more than a hand assassin even with the blackhawk thing. never held the fact that she took down a helicarrier because she had to pretend to be mind controlled and beat the hand in th long run

even when logan was being controlled into killing daredevil he was still self aware enough to be like ‘matthew you incorrigible slut you’re not good enough for my girl fuck you’

in elektra vol 1 he heard that she was dating someone new and showed up to town to make sure he was good enough for her

she dropped in on him at avengers tower and he just dropped whatever he was doing w them and was like right ok babe who are we killing IMMEDIATELY

she took him back to her home in greece!!!!!!! where she grew up!!!!!! she hasnt even taken matt there!!!!

this is a personal kind of. concept. that i have. but after being resurrected and messed with multiple times by the hand and having her body literally split in two. i find it kind of fake that elektra would age normally or be killed by any simple means, and obviously logan doesnt. so i imagine that after they outlive all of their loved ones they meet every once in a while as a reminder of their pasts. like 2 bitchy old immortals having tea and shit talking

logan has acknowledged multiple times that elektra is more dangerous than he is. very sexy of him

she’s like 7 ft tall and he’s tiny and that one panel in enemy of the state where his head came up to like her mid torso?? chef kiss

this is paraphrasing but logan was once inner monologuing about how rare and special and beautiful she was and she was doing the same but like ‘he’s very small and quite ugly. i love him so much’

i think emma made him watch desperate housewives one time and he didnt want to admit he liked it so he went to elektra’s and they binged all 8 seasons

the parallel of ororo when logan dies vs matt when elektra died. thank god ororo has mental stability

speaking of. the first time he introduces her to ororo, elektra pulls him aside like. holy shit. holyyyy shit

they both see a young girl having a shit time and their knives are OUT

mutant au that i think about a lot where elektra has skarlet esque blood magic powers and has a similar pull towards a lack of humanity as logan. they’d a have a similar kind of relationship as he has with betsy but elektra would have less to do with like. the xmen and more to do with. extra curricular murder 

also he makes it very clear he has black widow’s phone number and can give it to her at any time. did you know nat does yoga on wednesdays? how funny would that be if you ALSO did yoga on wednesdays

[pmyournudes]

Moons Over Madripoor Ch 1

“I’m sorry Daddy, I’ve been naughty”

“Wade what have I told you about coming to Hell’s Kitchen”. Matt is exhausted, it’s nearing midnight, and he’d already kicked everyone’s ass in a bar to break up a Maggia gun deal. He’s too tired to deal with any of the Merc’s mouth tonight, and he knows it’s just beginning, “and more importantly what have I told you about staying in Hell’s kitchen.” Matt adjusted his footing. Normally Wade would try to futilely sneak up on him, this time he just came up the fire escape.

“You don’t want to hear my confession? I’m sure I could find some saps to perforate with my guilt.” Wade unholstered a pistol and spun it idly, Matt could tell the gun wasn’t even loaded.

“I’m not a priest but, I don’t like you threatening thugs just to make me bend an ear.” Matt knew Wade was manipulating him, but he also knew Wade only dealt with money and bodies. His emotions were something Wade had a less than tenuous grasp on. “You going to tell me where to find a pile of bodies? You know I don’t appreciate those as favors, you’re not a cat.” Matt leaned against the stonework, Wade’s heartrate was flittering, if Matt knew any better he’d think that Wade had been crying.

“No, I haven’t been in the mood to kill anyone. Well not IN the mood but I just don’t care. Like you ever get a drumstick ice cream and just can’t even bother eating enough to get to the chocolate so you just throw it away? Or you think the taco truck sounds good to hit up but by the time you load all your mags and strap your guns on you realize you don’t even want any mexican? It’s like that” Matt knew Wade must be low. Someone so impulsive and carefree doesn’t just lose motivation for their chicanery. He must have been crying after all.

“Too languid to kill drug dealers or support any taquerias? That’s not the Deadpool I know. I suppose I can hear your confession. I have no idea what it’d pertain to since crimes against thugs and chimichangas normally top that list.” Matt was genuinely curious, this could only mean trouble. Or a headache for him, something he doesn’t need if what he heard with Tombstone was actually about to go down. “I suppose I could spare a few for you but, if anything comes up tonight I’ll need to see to that too.” Matt sat down on the ledge of the walk up, one leg off the side so he could keep an ear on the bar he was staking out.

“Of course, there’s other buildings that could use some brooding on them. Or if any of your gargoyle buddies needs back up catching pigeon shit you should get on that.” Wade jokingly toyed, a little too cavalier for someone trying to have a heartfelt conversation.

“Did you want to talk or did you come here to belittle me? Some of us feel a personal responsibility to doing the right thing.”

“Dont fucking talk about responsibility to me. You know who else does? That shit eating Spider-man. Maybe you should leave and go be responsible too, maybe Queens needs you, maybe my flat isn’t good enough, maybe we can’t take weeks to ourselves as if we don’t need it, don’t need each other.”  Wade grabbed his mouth. He’d said more than he meant. He knew that his team ups with Spidey were public but maybe Daredevil would miss his slip up or not know what he was talking about. Wade crouched down, or maybe he was slumping, his body scabbards kept his back straight, but his head falling let Daredevil know that he was exhausted as well.

“Oh, I meant I have guilt that I’m not doing enough, every person the mob hurts, hurts me too. I don’t like seeing those I care about in pain. You included Wade.” Matt knew what Wade was talking about. As if he couldn’t hear Wade’s pulse rev up like a sportbike anytime he mentioned Spider-Man. It’d been going on for months, Deadpool was so easy to get a hold of. Just mentioning the wall crawler could be there and Deadpool would show up like clockwork. It was a nice ace to have up his sleeve if a volatile situation needed combusting. Normally Wade couldn’t be relied on, but he actually was helpful the past few times. He didn’t even kill anyone the last fight they had at the docks. “Is something hurting you now?”

“Well that’s why I’m here. You ever get told you can’t do the thing you really want? Like if the priest told you that you’d prayed too much and that he wouldn’t hear another Hail Mary?” Deadpool sat down, his guns clattering on the rooftop. His legs splayed in front of him like a child sitting for a story.

“Wade church doesn’t work like that, priests are always there in times of need. I think you and I both know that.” It was a clever dig, even Matt had to admit that Wade’s wit was plenty sharp enough to earn his monicker.

“Ok well I don’t know what else you’d be into or broken up about. Maybe if they stopped sending ninjas to New York and you’d have to only fight mobsters. Yeah it’s like that, you WANT to fight ninjas because it’s exciting and fun and exhilarating and new every time,” Deadpool hugged himself, like he was overcome with joy. “but, instead New York only had mafiosos and petty crooks. Just the same boring thing you can get anywhere else.” his arms dropped and his head hung again. Matt could smell tears on Wade’s eyes, he was on the brink of crying.

“I would be more than happy if I never saw another ninja again.” Matt meant that, the city had enough issues without immortal assassin’s harrying him. The only thing ancient orders brought with them was ancient issues.

“What if it was /her/ though, what if she never showed up again because she didn’t want any part of New York and instead you had to deal with Tombstone or Bullseye.” Deadpool barked at him, his voice hoarsening. Matt faced Deadpool, had he told Wade about Elektra? Who had Matt told about her? “Oh if you’re wondering how I know about Nachos girl, literally everyone knows you two are a thing. I'd hear at poker games how people would bait her out since it would throw you off so badly just smelling her.” Was Matt really that bad when she was around? He remembered Foggy telling him she was trouble but that was just because his court cases backed up. 

“I don’t know who you’re playing poker with, but I don’t ‘lose my senses’ when I smell someone like some pubescent teen.” This was making Matt uncomfortable, but Wade wasn’t noticing. He was lying down, not relaxed, but lackadaisical. Fully off guard and exposed on the rooftop.

“That makes one of us I guess. I can’t control myself, I’ve fully lost who I am trying to make someone else happy.” His voice was straining, he was holding back trying to be strong.

“Are you sure it’s what would make them happy, or what you think would make them happy?”

“I’m sure I know them and what would make them happy, we’ve spent weeks together. Working on assignments and spending long nights together.” Wade’s voice caught in his throat.

“Nights like this? You know this is just a night out, like any other. Sometimes a night is just a night.”

“Don’t be cheeky, it wasn’t some cheap rooftop in a ratty borough. These were nights in Madripoor, that place is enchanted, there’s magic in that air.” Deadpool looked off wistfully. Daredevil was sure he was imagining another night on another rooftop elsewhere. “DON’T even bother telling me I can’t make someone happy either, I can make anyone smile.”

“That’s true, I’d be lying if I said you haven’t made me crack a grin before. But true happiness isn’t made, it’s something you find and you enjoy it while it’s there.”

“I did find it, it was the sun and the moon all in one. I thought it was mine and that I had somehow cheated fate to have it.” Deadpool doffed his mask to wipe a tear from his eye. He sat up and faced Daredevil. “But, it wasn’t meant to last. You want to hear my confession now Daredevil?”

“That’s what I’m here for Wade, whatever you have to tell me, I’ll hear you.” Daredevil turned his back to the street to face Deadpool.

“I’m in love with Spider-Man and he doesn’t love me the same way.”

[pomegranate-belle]

For the TV/movies meme: 2, 3, 14 and 17!

2. Top 5 overrated TV shows

- Game of Thrones. There, I said it, I’m sorry world.

- The Bachelor and all its permutations; they’re not popular in fandom-type community but given the fact that it’s STILL GOING AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW MANY SEASONS, well, I think it applies.

- The Walking Dead. I watched like three episodes of it and got bored. Like. I got bored of a show about the zombie apocalypse. How??

- BBC Sherlock just... Isn’t that good guys. Sorry.

- I’m running out of stuff. Uhhhhh... I saw a couple episodes of Vampire Diaries once and wasn’t very impressed, idk?

3. Top 5 underrated TV shows

- Black Lightning is pretty cool, I really like the premise of it and I don’t think I’ve ever really heard anyone mention it. It’s fun to see a superhero that’s really a Grown Ass Adult with like, kids and a job, who kind of already knows what they’re doing when the show opens.

- The Sentinel. Ok, ok, don’t shoot me, I know it’s got some Uncomfy Racist Mysticism, for sure be aware of that, it was made in the 90s, but like... It is genuinely a pretty fun show. The characters are just all so interesting, and Jim and Blair just have the most entertaining dynamic. And hey if you ever wondered where that Sentinel-Guide fanfic trope came from...

- I know it’s a Canadian kids’ show from like a decade ago but Storm Hawks is good ok?? It’s really cute with interesting worldbuilding and a sense of humor I think would resonate with a lot of people right now.

- ABC’s Forever; this damn show only got one season but my brother and I have rewatched that one season probably fifteen times, it’s just so good!! Immortality, crime-solving, hilarious side characters, a son who looks older than his dad, tragic flashbacks?? How could you pass this up?

- Pushing Daisies, for sure. I mean. Guys. Come on. The tongue-in-cheek narration, the wild backstories, the fact that it’s literally about a socially-anxious be romance romance who uses his powers to bake pies?!?! How are people not all over this show like white on rice??

14. Top 5 badass characters

- Rose Tyler broke the laws of time and space, turned herself into a fourth-dimensional goddess, vaporized a fleet of Daleks, and brought a man back to life forever. How do you even top that?? She will end you.

- Ok I was trying to not choose two people from the same franchise but also holy fuck, Rory Williams. I literally shouted “Jesus Christ, Rory!!” at the screen the first time I saw That One Scene in The Wedding of River Song.

- Peggy Carter is a stone cold badass, this woman will brain you with a fucking stapler and be back home in time for tea with her girlfriend. God bless her. This is why she’s the Captain America in Miles’s universe—

- Luke Cage. Look, we all love Matt’s sick-ass hallway fights but you gotta admit that just walking straight down the hallway with bullets bouncing off of you is on a completely new level of badass. I love this man.

- OUAT Rumplestiltskin; dude burned down a castle, killed a man, and became an all-powerful demon creature to protect his kid. Then when that went horribly wrong and he lost his son, he spent 300 years becoming the most knowledgeable and accomplished sorcerer in the world and creating one of the most powerful curses in history to try and get him back. And remember, this guy started out as a hobbled peasant who couldn’t read.

17. Top 5 “deserved better” characters

- Neal Cassidy/Baelfire; my son deserved his fucking happy ending, and even if I ship Swanfire I wouldn’t even care if they didn’t get back together as long as he got to be back with his family, there was literally no reason to kill him off.

- Benny Lafitte; I don’t even. Fucking. Watch SPN anymore but good god. He was nothing but supportive and good and selfless and what does he get for it?? Dumped back into Purgatory and written off the show. I literally created an OC and wrote a wish-fulfillment fix-it fic for this shit.

- Donna. Noble. What the fuck was that ending?? Seriously?? She had all that character growth and gained all those feelings of self-worth and then you slam dunk her with magic amnesia and leave her right back where she started??? No!!

- Can’t believe I’m saying this about a Boardwalk Empire character because they’re all terrible people but you know what?? Angela Darmody deserved better!! She deserved to be able to take her son and run away from her fuckup husband and his pedophilic mom with a beautiful woman!! I stand by that!!

- You know what, I’ll say it, the IF writers should not have done that to Davos, absolutely fucking nobody goes from “*puppy dog eyes* I’ll stay with you, Danny..!!” to “Lol so we should definitely assassinate Danny Rand amirite??” after just one fight. Nobody! They did him so dirty omfg, and no I don’t care that his character is a villain in the comics.

[irondevilpunisher]

captainouat replied to your post “If Iron Fist S2 had had 13 episodes, the Danny/Joy fallout maybe...”

I thing they friendship should be restored but liek Raveln sayed Ironwing is MCU Canon. ANd i thing the Colleena nd Danny powercouple thing tehy writing towards now is amazing and i hope Joy can get redemption by helping out Joy

This is becoming a trend with you isn’t it? Okay I’m not one for making snarky retorts to things like this. I usually just go about my day without bothering anyone but this...I’m not going to ignore any longer.

1. I’m not going to criticize the poor grammar. 

2. First and foremost I’m all about Danny Rand here when it comes to Iron Fist. He’s the story I care most about and then its the Meachums. 

3. Shipping Ironjoy is just an added bonus and I’m very proud of it. I think they’re an underrated couple with tons of potential and it’d be a shame to waste it. I adore their friendship which I felt was absurdly shelved S2 but if they do or don’t ever become show canon I’m not going to lose sleep over it.

4. I care about Danny and Joy as individual characters not just their relationship. 

5. If you don’t like Ironjoy why are you looking in their tag?

6. Why do you insist on clogging my posts with these types of passive aggressive comments?

I don’t understand the point of your responses whenever I talk about Danny and Joy’s relationship. Nor why you’re obviously threatened by them. There aren’t even many of us Ironjoy shippers out there we just want to be left alone. Of the majority of Ironwing fans you’re the only user I’ve run into who seems to have an issue that people like me exist.  

Cool you ship Danny and Colleen but believe it or not there are people in the IF fandom who don’t and I’m one of them. Everyone has a right to ship what they want and shouldn’t be made to feel crappy about it. 

captainouat replied to your post “I actually liked the ending of IF2. Like I'm not a huge shipper so it...”

Its the same as Arrow fans complaining about the creators wanting to do something new ok! You want to have the exact same thing from the comics happen? NO i ratehr have something new. I liked the twist and i cantw ait to see Colleen as the Iron Fist of New Yourk and Dany and her as Partners in Love and Vigilantism

Yah look at Arrow its a mess! Its not even the same show anymore. From my perspective the main protagonist in that was also shafted to make way for the supporting characters, everyone’s OOC and the comics history was botched. Based on comments I’ve read from Arrow fans that show is beyond repair. But we’re not discussing Arrow this is about Iron Fist.

And this is very hypocritical. Would you have the same reaction if Coll**n had been in Danny’s position? Like would you be totally fine if Colleen had been the one who worked her butt off for 15 years enduring brutal physical training to become the chosen protector of a mystic land? Only to have that identity and destiny ripped away and handed to her Gary-Stu boyfriend?

I don’t think so and many IF fans of the comics and the series [including some Ironwing shippers] would gladly disagree with you. We’re very hurt, angry and upset over this development. Doing this disregards/erases all of Danny’s character development and journey in S1, Defenders and Luke Cage S2.

I’ll repeat this is the equivalent of Matt Murdock giving away his Daredevil suit to Claire Temple or Jessica Jones giving away her strength to Trish Walker. Think about that.

Btw Coll**n is a self-admitted adrenaline/combat junkie. How does that make her more worthy of the dragon’s chi than Danny? Or better yet why wouldn’t that make her more of a dangerous threat than him who only used the fist for good? She’s already killed once that we know of while he hasn’t.

 I’m not thrilled with the back-half of S2 nor am I happy about the blatantly sick treatment of Finn Jones/Danny Rand. And I’m not alone in these feelings. You’re in the minority within the yay-Danny’s-not-the-hero anymore camp I’m sorry. This show is called Iron Fist its about Danny Rand. It’s not the Coll**n Wing show. Its his story. Comicbook fans did not flock here for a CW romance they came to see Danny Rand become the iconic Immortal Iron Fist which he is. They came to see his rich comic history and background be accurately/appropriately adapted. 

And the source material should be cherished and honored in any television or movie adaptation. It doesn’t need to be an exact blueprint but it shouldn’t be changed to the point where its no longer recognizable. That’s not what long devoted fans of these beloved heroes want. 

Here’s the thing I’ve run into similar passive aggressive stans in the past. I’m currently facing the same problems in the Daredevil fandom. I’m not intimidated. The purpose for my being here is to have fun. I’m not here to start ship wars or shove my opinions down people’s throats. They’re free to like or dislike whatever they please and move on. Or they can just choose to ignore whatever I say. 

I’m not trying to be rude here but if you don’t like what I post you’re very welcome to unfollow me [if you already do] and focus on things you enjoy. But I really don’t appreciate being told nonstop that my ships won’t happen and that I should just accept bad writing and bad changes to my favorite shows. 

Have a pleasant day.

[subasekabang]

Joshua’s 6-Step Plan to Becoming a Vampire, Chapter 1

Author: Matt

Rating: T

Word Count:  7600; this chapter- 1409

Pairings/Characters: Josh/Neku, side Shiki/Eri; Joshua, Neku, Rhyme, Beat, Shiki, Eri

Warnings: Vampires, Blood

Summary: Joshua Decides to take over a coven cause he's bored. As you do.

Chapter 1

Find Vampires

Joshua was tired of life. Not Life In General, but his life in particular. He wanted something new, more freedom perhaps; freedom from the long planned-out life ahead of him. 80 years of boredom just wasn’t appealing. He wasn't sure when or where the idea had come to him, but soon enough he found himself surfing the internet, searching for vampires, of all things.

   Maybe it was how often they were portrayed in media, embedding the idea in his brain. Or maybe, it was left over from a odd childhood fascination he had, though he wasn't that old as it was. When he had been younger he had taken a liking to the strange creatures, wondering what their lives might be like. Now he wanted to find out again, though this time he had no interest in pursuing boring media that left him unsatisfied in the end. This time he intended to find out first hand.

   Finally he came to what he was looking for, after many hours and weeks of sifting through forum after forum of people who were either faking it or were simply not vampires in the way he wanted. A post stated that a group had moved to an area nearby. He had to check them out.

   He had a plan. It was not the most thought out but it was workable.

   Step 1: Find Vampires (Self explanatory)

   Step 2: Infiltrate the coven. Should be simple enough. He just had to manage to get them to let him hang around them. He was sure he could do something for them. Hopefully not anything that required him to be doing physical labour like gardening or really anything that required sweating.

   Step 3:Gain their trust. Presumably they wouldn't just turn anyone.

   Step 4: Immortality. Again, self explanatory. They would turn him into a vampire

   Step 5: Backstab. He wasn't about to live his immortal life under someone else’s rule afterall.

   Step 6: This step was less a step and more an end goal. Profit. Live a cushy life with other vampires doing what he wants.

   First though, he needed to find them. It required a longer-than-he-would-have-liked bus ride, with more-annoying than-he-would-have-liked people, and one screaming child he felt quite envious of. He too, wished he could scream at how unpleasant their trip was, but unlike the small child, society dictated that he must stay silent.

   The neighbourhood was pleasant, the evening light blanketing the area as streetlights began to switch on. People still walked around, but that he knew would soon taper off as people made their way home for the night. He hadn't actually considered how he would find the vampires. Instead, he had simply hopped on a bus hoping he would figure it out on the way there, then spent the whole trip trying not to scream in frustration while not coming up with a plan. After a brief moment of deliberation he decided on fangs. They did have fangs, from what he had found out. So he just needed to talk to people and look in their mouths.

   The easiest way of doing this was to of course just walk up and jam your face close to someone else’s face. Not only did this seem unpleasant, as he would be up close and personal to their breath and bad hygiene, it would most likely cause him problems as well. He was quite short, as much as he didn't want to admit it, so reaching many people’s faces may be an issue.

   “Hi, can you direct me to the library?” he asked the closest women to where he stood. Halting, she glanced up and down the street, trying to remember where the building was before she answered.

   “That way?” She pointed the way she had come, obviously unsure of herself. “I think it’s closed though.”

   “Oh, thanks anyway.” He smiled at her and continued the way she had pointed. She walked quickly away as though he might get upset at her for giving the wrong directions. No fangs as far as he could tell. Alright, next.

   “Hi. Can you please direct me to the library?”

   No one in this area knew where the library was, apparently. He had yet to be given the same directions twice. Honestly that was kind of sad. He had asked at least seven people now, and none had fangs. So here he was: no library and no vampires. The vampire thing was more upsetting, but now he was honestly curious as to where this library was, despite having no want to actually go there.

   “Hi, can you direct me to the library?” He asked a boy about his age. He glanced up from his phone and glared at Joshua, who only continued smiling in the frustrating way he had perfected in the mirror years before.

   “I don't know.” Joshua frowned at the response. He was happy that someone finally admitted that, but the boy’s ugly shirt covered his mouth as he spoke, so it was impossible to see his teeth. Maybe that was the plan?

   “Oh? Why not?”

   “Why not what?

   “Why don’t you know where it is? Honestly, you should get to know the local area better.” The boy adjusted his shirt and frowned at Joshua, who expected he had about one minute left to see this guy’s teeth before he got angry enough to storm off.

   “You don't know where it is.”

   “I don't live here.” The guy scowled just as his shirt collar slipped below his mouth.

Fangs. Jackpot.

   “I knew it. You are a vampire. So where’s your coven? I want to join.” By join he meant rule over, but that was beside the point. Stating that outright would most likely not grant him a positive reaction. For some reason, people didn’t like being controlled.

   “Why would I let you join?” That was fair, he hadn't made the best first impression had he?

   “‘Cause I would be a great addition.”

   “More like an annoying one.”

   “I'll let you drink from me?” The guy raised an eyebrow at that.

   “What, are you into that or something?”

   “Maybe.” The words slipped out of his mouth. What a terrible habit he had formed. Frowning even harder, the boy turned to walk away, Joshua was almost surprised that his face hadn’t broken from how much frowning the boy was doing.

   “That was joke. Don't you know how to take a joke?” Joshua said following after him.

   “You would never be accepted. So give up.”

   “How do you know?”

   “‘Cause there is no way you will get everyone else to agree.”

   “Is that a bet?” the boy stopped and glanced at him.

   “Alright how about this. You convince everyone else to agree and I will agree as well. You don't, you leave me alone forever.”

   “Deal. My name is Joshua.” Joshua stuck out his hand for the vampire to shake.

   “Mine’s Neku.” Neku said, ignoring the outstretched hand and instead looking around the street.

   “Ok, lets go.” Neku led him off down a side street, Joshua following closely behind. This was probably not the safest thing to be doing, following a vampire back to his house, but it was certainly what he was going to do anyway.

   So follow he did, down a street and into an ally and out the other side. They walked for a good fifteen minutes before he was done with walking. He hated walking; people had invented vehicles for a reason. Still though, he continued on, down street after street through the terrible layout of the houses ‘till they reached a pale green one.

   It was ugly, the grass wasn't mowed, and the driveway cracked. Sitting on a hill, its first floor was a basement floor with a second floor above that. Instead of going through the nearest door he was led up a set of stairs to the second floor.

   “I'm home!” Neku yelled as he opened the door motioning for Joshua to follow. This was his final chance to turn around and head home. Instead of doing what any person with self-preservation would do and running home as fast as he could, he walked forward. Anyone with even basic self preservation instincts would not have gone on this whole trip at all, why turn back now?

[just-4-thrill]

Force My Hand

fandom: starwars, tlj, matt the radar technician 

word count: 1085

characters: Rey x Matt the Radar Technician

warnings: touch sensitive hand-holding/ not-platonic hand-holding 

summary:  While Matt the Radar Technician prepares to go undercover with Rey to bring down Kylo and the Knights of Ren he brushes Rey’s hand and realizes he’s never touched another human before. 

author’s note: AU where Matt the Radar Technician is not Kylo Ren but does have a mysterious connection to him, revealed in a later chapter. 

Matt With-no-real-last-name’s entire life came down to three days. Three. That’s it - the number of defining days in his life. Pretty worthless as a whole really, besides the three.

The first, was the day he discovered why he had been created. You didn’t read that wrong – created. Some people are born, some are created. He is the ladder.

The second, was the day he met her. Three buns, blue lightsaber, nasty battle kick – you know the one: Rey Who’s last name is apparently tied to some once-immortal-but-now-defeated Sith lords buried in some paupers’ graves. A detail that caused quite the scandal (but not the biggest scandal a misread prophecy or vision has ever caused this galaxy. And that included the sister prophecy – the one Rey herself had misinterpreted. Rumors of Ben Solo’s return to the resistance have been greatly exaggerated.) Perhaps Matt should have taken note of misinterpreted visions back when he heard Rey’s story, but it didn’t even occur to him then that everything he knew might be a lie.

And that brought Matt to the third day – the day that really mattered.

****

“Are you ready?” Rey asked, handing Matt the blond wig.

His fingers brushed against her knuckles as he grabbed the yellow mop. “Sorry…uh.” he mumbled.

She watched him with scrunched eyes as he touched his fingertips where he could still feel the buzz of her presence - like the ghost of a touch. “Is everything ok?”

He nodded. “I uh…” How do you say something so odd? “I don’t often get touched, is all.” Never been touched, is what he meant.

“I am sorry.” She said as she took a step back away from him.

Perhaps she was trying to respect his comfort level, perhaps the confession made her uncomfortable.  

“No, no.” Matt responded, perhaps too eagerly. “It’s not…bad. It just feels… different. Different from touching cloth or the walls of a ship. It’s like I can feel something happening to my skin where you touched it.”

“Does it hurt?” Rey’s body shifted closer.

“No, it just feels like an energy.” He paused, unsure if he should admit it. “It feels good to be touched by a person.”

Her hand lifted and hovered in the air between them as though offering but not forcing. He hesitated, pondering the skin on her hand, rubbing his own hands - still a buzz from barely brushing her knuckles before.

“It’s ok.” She pulled her hand back, and in that moment the emptiness of the space where her hand used to rest called for his own to fill it.

Matt’s hand shot into the emptiness and past it towards her receding fingers. He had to take a step towards her and must have miscalculated because the moment their hands connected, he was standing close – too close to her. His fingertips touched hers and he felt the energy again – the fuzziness on the pads of his fingers, coursing up his arm. He gasped at the sensation as she slid her hand farther into his palm: cold electric currents raised the hair on his forearms while the touch itself was warmth. His lips felt the static of the air as though suddenly alive with new touch receptors. But his lips were not the only part of his body that seemed to react to her touch...

Slowly, very slowly, she cupped her hand around his, until they were holding hands. He stared down at her for a moment, before he felt a lightheadedness that threatened his usually sturdy knees. He let himself fall onto the resistance grade bed – one of the few pieces of furniture in the room.

Her hand still buzzed against his skin as she took a seat beside him.

“Are you ok?” She asked.

It was better than ok. Matt felt as if he wanted more, but wasn’t sure if he could handle it. “Yes, but please don’t touch me anywhere else. I would like to get used to this first.”

She nodded. They stared into the empty metal wall.

“Does it bother you?” Matt asked after a while.

“What?” Rey didn’t turn towards him.

“That I look like him?”

Her shoulders lifted and lowered as she grabbed a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

“He killed your mentor. He is responsible for so much of this destruction. By the light, I am sure it is hard to look at me and not see all of that pain.”

“It is more than that.” She said. “But it doesn’t matter; you are not the same person he is.”

“Technically. I am.”

“You are what he could have, maybe even should have been. But you are not him.”

“Is that…good?”

She turned her body on the bed so she could look him in the eyes. “It is a very good thing.” A pressure on his hand as she squeezed.

He sighed, fiddling with the yellow wig in his other hand. “I am ready.”

“Are you sure?”

“This is what I was made for.”

“It doesn’t matter what you were made for. It just matters what you do.”

Matt nodded. “I know what I have to do.”

Her hand twitched against his as though the words startled her. Matt looked at her eyes – distant and wide, and asked her, “Will you be coming with me?”

She stood up releasing his hand. “Yes, there is something I have to do too.”

He watched her back. “What will you do?”

Rey sighed as she moved to the door. “One way or another, I have to neutralize the Knights of Ren.”

Matt felt a tear in his eye -- maybe because of the news, maybe because of the sudden absence of her touch. “You’ll never be able to fight them alone.” The loss of her felt acute to him now. “Teach me how to use the force? I will fight with you. You don't have to do this alone."

Rey shook her head. “If you are seen fighting them, it will ruin everything. Besides.” She turned and smiled at him. “I can handle myself.”

Matt nodded and gripped the wig as he situated it on his head. “Of course.” He tried to compensate for seeming like he didn’t believe in her. “If anyone could do it, it would be you.”

She smiled and stepped out of the room. “I’m going up to the surface. Meet me at the falcon in ten.”

“What’s the falcon?” He asked.

She chuckled. “Oh you’ll know.”

And with that she disappeared leaving Matt with a still tingling hand.

CHAPTER 2

[xt1erminator-blog]

“Celebrity” DMs That Slay

I love Dungeons & Dragons. I love playing it, DMing it, reading about it, watching YouTube videos on subject matter relating to it (Nerdarchy, Matt Colville and Drunkens & Dragons: Play D&D Like A Badass are all great YouTube channels with quality content).  Some games are even great to watch live streams of, especially observing talented “celebrity” Dungeon Masters working their magic, some of them admitting a lot of their “performance” and the content they come up with for their players is improvised and off the cuff.  It takes a lot to pull that off.  Most games out there however, are very difficult to watch and enjoy. There are too many distractions among groups when streaming stuff and it can be boring.

So, for anyone new to the D&D hobby that might be reading this blog, I just wanted to write up some stuff on three of the best publicly known Dungeon Masters out there thanks to the Internet - most of us into D&D will know who they are, and they are all are on a lot of people’s Top 3 Dungeon Masters Ever lists I’m sure. These guys put in some crazy hard work to help the online community better ourselves as Dungeon Masters. Thank you.

(And you know, I should have mentioned this in one of my first posts on this site, but I’m not a professional blogger or even a good writer. This is just my space to shoot the shit (probably mostly talking to myself no doubt) about one of my favourite past times, D&D). Warning: some of this post may seem out of logical order, sorry in advance :)  I had to go back and edit it a few times. Apologies for any inaccuracies as well but I’m pretty confident it’s solid.

Chris Perkins, “Celebrity DM to the Stars”

Being a semi-regular reader of Dungeon magazine for quite some time, I didn’t really pay attention to names of the authors of the short adventure modules published within the magazine’s pages.  When I reconnected with the hobby a couple of years ago after hearing a lot of good praise about 5th Edition D&D, I did more and more research about the people behind it, and naturally stumbled across reading about Chris and the Acquisitions Incorporated live games run at some of the PAX (Penny Arcade Expo) Conventions with the Penny Arcade guys (Jerry Holkins, Mike Krahulik and Scott Kurtz, as well as occasional appearances by celebrities/TV personalities like Wil Wheaton and Morgan Webb, author Patrick Rothfuss, etc.).  Then I went back through old Dungeon magazines after reading that’s how Chris got his start to getting his foot in the door, and have since become a fan of his. He’s even replied to Tweets of mine once or twice. Woo.

I am very entertained by how Chris runs his live games. It’s quite easy to see why he is held in such high regard. I started to lose a little interest in his work however when his regular weekly Dice, Camera, Action web series started. They were starting to run a series based on The Curse of Strahd just before the book released. The PAX games are still great, as are the in-studio AI series episodes, however with Dice, Camera, Action things seemed to really be a struggle and it was hard to follow and really get in to. Between technical difficulties in the first few episodes, to things taking a long time to pick up due to excessive chatter which was in my opinion a waste of time (get on with the game ffs! This happened quite frequently), it was hard to keep myself entertained and motivated enough to finish watching each episode. By the 6th episode or so, I stopped watching D, CA entirely. I decided to revisit it recently and while the presentation is a bit better and they seem to have worked out the kinks in the system, I have come to the conclusion why it wasn’t a success for me: the cast picked for this series is not very good. It’s not Chris - how can it be. The guy is probably the most dedicated and passionate Dungeons & Dragons fan, Dungeon Master, works for the company who makes the game (Wizards of the Coast), and spends a shitload of time on Twitter answering questions from fans with his unique sense of humour, I love the guy (not that way).  The cast though. Very weak. Generally speaking they are either too silly to take seriously or not entertaining enough in role playing their characters (hey, I’m not very good when I play and probably an even worse DM so I’m not tooting my own horn by any means), etc. but they are on camera for this and I really cannot believe so many people like this show like they say they do. The whole “Waffle Crew” thing I just don’t get I guess. The cast isn’t exceptional and I think Chris should be spending his time with a different group doing bigger and better things. Again, I am a heavily opinionated bastard as stated in the header of this blog :) “ProJared” is probably the weakest link in the D, CA group. He just doesn’t bring anything to the table and quite honestly, his attitude sucks. It is a puzzle to me how he was chosen to partake in this show with the legendary Christopher Perkins, DM. Just watch his videos on his YouTube channel, ProJared Plays I believe it’s called. I suggest watching his video entitled “Worst Player Ever”. Wait for the part where he describes how he “loses his shit” with “Steve”.  But enough about him... Chris rocks.

Matt Mercer, He’s Pretty OK

One of the players in a campaign I run is a very, very big fan of Critical Role. If you don’t know what CR is, Google it. It’s one of the reasons she became interested in Dungeons & Dragons and wanted to try it out, which opened a huge floodgate for me that had been closed for several years, and caused my re-connection with the hobby a couple of years ago. The addiction resurfaced and hundreds (OK, probably thousands) of dollars later I am the proud owner of a collection of nerdy D&D stuff that has been amassed. Damn you, Liesl.

Anyhow.  I was curious and tried watching some episodes of CR. At the time, I wasn’t into it. Not at all. I wouldn’t say I am now either, but I have probably watched around half of the 80+ episodes and find quite a bit of entertainment in the performance everyone in that group delivers.

So, at the time we started getting into 5e via the infamous Starter Set, featuring the introductory Lost Mine of Phandelver adventure module. Naturally, I ran it improvising mostly everything and only referencing major area and plot details when absolutely required.  I admittedly do not care much for running any of the current 5e premade adventures and therefore probably won’t ever run any of them in their entirety (I will pick apart things, and throw in content from an old Dungeon magazine, even 4e source book, etc. or borrow a part from some other WotC hard cover adventure campaign book, that, like I said, will never run in its entirety). There’s good stuff in there, but it doesn’t play like modules back in the good old days. Anyhow I think it went well. The more we played, the more references were made to Critical Role and how Matt did things. So I got more and more curious and gave Matt and CR another chance. Glad I did.

It turns out what I really went back for though after thinking I didn’t like CR, was Matt Mercer (after awhile the cast of that show grew on me, but I was paying particular attention to Matt most of the time). It’s absolutely unlikely I would ever be able to pull off 1% of what he can do with voices, and describing and gesturing things when he spins his tale - but I try to absorb everything I can, and hope my poor little brain remembers just a smidgen of it and it enters my game at some point and does just a little bit to help my improvisational skills. I don’t think I’ll ever attempt performing NPC or monster voices, but who knows... like they say, you’ll never get anywhere with it if you don’t just start doing it, no matter how much of a fool you think you are making of yourself. There is a reason why Matthew Mercer is regarded as one of the best Dungeon Masters in the world, because he truly is just that damn good.

Also - FORCE GREY IS AMAZING. It’s a short run series Matt DM’d for several other celebrity players including the immortal Brian Posehn.

Matt Colville, the YouTube DM Activist

Finally, I think my personal absolute favourite "popular” Dungeon Master these days would have to be none other than Matt Colville. He claims to be a normal person just like anyone else, but he’s totally a celebrity now, to me anyhow. Ha ha. Dude, you’re on a now-quite-popular YouTube channel. You’re awesome. Thank you.

Matt is a writer by profession. He’s got a couple of fantasy novels he’s written that you can find on Amazon.com (Priest, and Thief I believe are the titles - check them out).  He’s also lead writer at Turtle Rock game studio in California. Makers of games like the Mercenaries series on consoles, and more recently the party vs. big bad enemy shooter Evolve (he says he’s most proud of this title), all of which Matt did major writing on. From the game sessions I have watched that he has posted on his channel, it is evident that he is very creative and an extremely bright person more than capable of running a really great game that is well thought out and has all the bells and whistles and logistics of everything worked out just right (in my opinion). I wish I could run my games with his brain :)

The last few videos I’ve linked on my blog here are a few of my favourites of his, and they have really kickstarted my brain. So now I am thinking of better ways to run my games, and attempting to infuse a similar kind of quality material that Matt seems to ooze out of his noggin.  Watch his videos, all of them. When I first discovered his channel, I was amused. However, after watching maybe a half dozen more videos, I had to stop. I think it was the rapid rate at which he discusses the topics presented, it was maybe overwhelming me. I took a break for a couple of months and avoided his channel.  Then a colleague and I were discussing him, and in hindsight I realized I really totally dug his stuff. So when I went back to checking out his videos and gave some thought about what it is that he is doing with his channel, and what he is doing to help Dungeon Masters (new or old) better the quality of their games. I watched every single video (and rewatch several frequently for inspiration) and it’s now my top rated Dungeons & Dragons influenced channel.

I respect his genuine passion for the game and how he conveys his message to us, and appreciate the time he takes to create such brilliant content for the DM crowd. I highly suggest subscribing to his channel. If you can get past the fast paced talking, it’s worth the time to check his stuff out. If there ever was such thing as a “Church of D&D”, Matt Colville should be the high priest of it.

In the words of Mr. Colville:

“Peace. Out.”

And now, enjoy some whiny ProJared! (”he’s such a dumbass!”)

-runDMsteve