#just absolute jack shit
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man im having a wanting to die kinda night again :(((((((((
im trying so fucking hard to make friends but i guess i just cant and just gotta die instead
#like if people dont wanna be my fucking friend just say it instead of letting me continue to humiliate myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!#its not like i can just magically KNOW which people do and dont want to be near me unless its super duper obvious#and i hate the fucking games of people acting like they really like me and then#NOTHING#just absolute jack shit#its this constant back and forth of making me feel good and happy and like maybe they like me#and then distance and Nothing#it sucks man#i just feel like im broken but i keep on trying EVERYTHING to fix it but idk what it is#because pretty much all my relationships or attempted ones go sour and like#if it was only a few thats one thing#but its all of them so its clearly my own fault#i just cant fix it if i dont know what im doing wrong#i guess i could just be with people that hurt me and drain me since at least they tend to stick around and are interested in me#pretty sure the universe is telling me that i dont and never will deserve any better#that i should just be happy being with people that make me feel like shit or hurt me#or just be completely alone instead
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Im about to get controversial.
Out of chrollo, illumi and hisoka, hisoka is canonically the least likely to flirt to get anything he wants, if at all.
A lot of people think he's a natural flirt but I fear I couldn't have disagreed more. He only "flirted" a single time and that was solely to piss off machi, knowing she'd never agree. Hot take? He would've never asked if he knew she'd agree.
Also, bro's the biggest humanphobe in the anime. He keeps his distance from everyone. The only human physical contact he ever made was through fighting people. (If you're a person thats interested in seeing more evidence, I have an entire long thread about it on twitter that I do plan on posting here soon)
so u cannot give me 1 reason for hisoka to flirt with someone at a random bar but chrollo and illumi? i can think of a few.
chrollo, he already canonically flirts to get what he wants. straight up goes on dates gets a suit and shit. he has no reputation among the general public that hes concerned of that isnt the spider. Illumi? He's a manipulator. I HIGHLY doubt he never flirted to get something in his life from people who are too easy to win over. He's someone that wouldn't care what people think of him. He's also anonymous. People have no idea who tf he is anyways. If it affected the zoldyck reputation? Thats a different story.
Hisoka? he would fucking NEVER. Him specifically? HE HAS A REPUTATION. And whats that reputation? That hes an absolute disgusting freak that no one should dare to approach. He kills people. He fights live and makes sure the audience is always disgusted and weirded out by his actions and performances. You look at him and you should immediately look away and pray he hasn't seen you.
So riddle me this. If his entire shtick is making sure everyones afraid of him and avoids him, then why the hell would he get himself a reputation that makes him approachable????
Why would he get himself a reputation that makes you, as a person who only ever heard of him picking people up, want to approach him.
On top of that, I just.. don't see him picking random people up..??? random weaklings that dont even know nen????? he literally treats them like trash that inconveniences his time. You're saying he'd EVER give them the privilege of sleeping with him???
And then you'd say, oh so he'd sleep with strong people! HERES THE THING. Why would he sleep with them..... when he can fight them. Him getting off from fighting comes NOWHERE to actual sex. What people don't understand is that he gets off to killing people and seeing them crumble in front of him when they realize theyre going to die. Torturing people to death. What's... that got to do with like. yknow. actual sex bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭
this turned into a huge rant probably but do you know how genuinely depressing it is seeing a unique character like hisoka that gains lust through FIGHTING and KILLING reduced to. sex addict in fics. Like. be so fucking serious right now. He called himself a FIGHT ADDICT in the manga. Can I see more of him actually spending his time killing and fighting people instead of whatever the hell bros doing with a random npc.
Anyways this is also why I hc him as asexual/demisexual NEXTTTT
#When a fic is so good but they make a hisoka a sex god instead of a murderer. like dear god. Ya Allah. Mercy on me.#can i please get more fics where he absolutely fucking murders people in deranged ways like god (Togashi) intended instead of....#(checks notes) .....sex???#sorry to me this is 1 fanon characterization that i just gag from i cannot physically stomach that shit anymore.#also the way he never touched a single human and is not a touchy person yet the musical made disgustingly touchy with everyone including go#i saw red when i saw that one scene.#thats not fucking hisoka morow thats hekosa pedoro#if togashi wanted him to sleep around he would've so simply and easily made him mention that. Like even leorio said he jacks off.#yet togashi didnt. because HE DOESNT.#HISOKA GET BEHIND ME#anyways asexual hisoka morow canon goodnight everyone#also trans hisoka can we get a little more content of that i know its completely unrelated but pls im starving#i would put the “ill do it myself meme” WHICH I DO I HAVE A DEMI HISOILLU FIC but im so slow at writing fics sobs and throws up#hisoillu#hisoka x illumi#illumi#illumi zoldyck#hisoka#hisoka morow#chrollo#chrollo lucilfer#hxh#hunter x hunter#my post#my analysis
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My god s1!Joel Maisel was a wet dish rag of a man
#that man didn't know jack shit about anything#flip flopping about like a fish#abe's line to midge 'don't choose a weak man'#such a dagger to the heart but s1!joel just is a weak man#he's a man absolutely rattled#detached and spiralling#doesn't know up from down#doesn't know a good thing until it's gone#anyways he's a fascinating character#still not sure whether i should be cheering for them to get back together or not#jury's out#joel maisel#midge maisel#miriam maisel#the marvelous mrs maisel#day says hey#day talks mrs maisel#the marvelous mrs. maisel
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I'm rewatching Alex Rider for like the 7th time but with my boyfriend and guys season 2 is so fucking good SEASON 2 IS SOOO GOOD
Alex being such a cheeky brat with the department and Alan Blunt losing his mind because Alex is being so clever and annoying
The slowly building mystery with all the pieces that gradually come together
Alex and Kyra being so cute with the washer and "survivors club" and "keeping score" of who has saved each other's life the most (and the end scene where he's looking up at her from the stage🥹😭)
Jack having her own storyline that actually serves the story and gives her character a purpose
Tom and Kyra both helping to progress the plot in ways that are genuinely required from them and makes sense for their characters
The subtle hints that Yassen is going to wind up helping Alex in the end, the way his character gradually becomes more complex with each episode
Alex just generally being so smart, so resourceful, so capable and just really encompassing his character, not to mention the genuine depth that comes from his trauma + him accidentally getting people killed over the course of the season (Blunt telling him he has blood on his hands)
The tension that builds within The Department as Smithers and Mrs. Jones start keeping secrets from Blunt about Alex
Damian Cray just getting absolutely dogpiled by Alex and the gang who just keep screwing over his plan again and again
Alex and Yassen FINALLY having a full conversation and it holds so much weight and hits so good
The part where Sabina cracks Anders over the head with her own laptop (honorable mention)
All the cheeky light hearted bits where the kids are just being shitheads with too much power, like cutting off the electricity to the whole postal code just to use the computer lab
And then on the flip the angst that comes from literally no one believing Alex about anything for like 60% of the season
It's just scene after scene of "oH THIS PARTS SO GOOD" and it doesn't stop until the very end
has it been long enough that I can say that season 3 just doesn't hit the same😭
#alex rider#season 3 is okay but the characters do so much shit just to serve the plot and it doesn't make any sense sometimes and idk what happened#Julia Rothman (and Nile) is like caricature evil villain and it's too obvious and Alex would NOT trust her he's way too smart#They should have made her way more charming and likeable to the point where even the audience is wondering if she's good#Alex and Kyra's relationship gets weird and forced and it makes no sense that Kyra instantly turns on him and decides he's a killer#Jack does nothing Tom's brother does nothing Tom and Kyra barely do anything#Yassen does a bunch of stuff that makes no sense to me absolutely hate that they made him lie to Alex#The Department gets painted way too much as “the good guys” by the end#Alex becomes very emotional and it clouds his judgement but we haven't seen him slowly get there over the course of the show#He sort of just sees that video then gets there all at once right off the bat and then makes dumb decisions the entire season#anyways blah blah I'll shut up now it's still my favorite show in the entire world forever and ever#season 3 was still the event of the year for me and one of the most fun weeks of my life#but season 2 u will always be famous..
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the Bible won’t tell you this but there’s a secret ring of hell and it’s needing to engage w content of your hyperfixation only for all of it to be godawful and suck balls in ways you didn’t think were possible. it’s like being presented with a feast of wax fruit while starving
#cal.txt#special interest#hyperfixations#jack kline#miraculous ladybug#cat noir#fandom stuff#like half of the fanart for jack is just him as a baby and half of cat noirs fanart is probably him getting peed on or some shit#I just want my silly little guys#could I draw it myself? absolutely. but not today because I have been struck with a sickness of sorts#i suffer every day because the spn fandom is fucking annoying and cant draw jack unless he’s a stupid femboy or a baby#having favs that nobody understands correctly is also a plague and illness that I suffer from
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Hypothetically, how do you think Mark would turn out if he never got his powers? What would he be doing? How would it change the original story? If the original Mark met this version of himself, how would they react to each other?
This took me a min to respond to because I am extra and had to draw something about this, but thay just means I was so delighted to take this ask, holy shit. I love thinking about AU's, tysm fo the ask, anon! :)
I don't know of the comics add any details about Mark's interests other than being a hero like his Dad (ex. even comic hobby seems to go right back to that). Nothing about school life stands out either, (besides struggling with geography, a detail I love sm), so he's probably an average student who fumbled hard when he started to get busy with Invincible stuff! So, while I can see the possibility of him working hard and striving for career that also helps saves lives ergo paramedic, fireman, emergency dispatcher, etc I actually adore the idea of him interning at the GDA???
(Okay, note, while I do see him training or getting experience in random roles, Cecil would not EVER let Mark actually be a GDA solider because imagine telling Omni-Man his son got killed. Yikes! So, intern/trainer uniform and not the official solider one.)
I can see him diving into it wholeheartedly, eager to not only prove himself, but help people like his Dad does, kinda trying to get as close to his dream as he can be. And honestly, Nolan would probably be thrilled the last reminder for Colonization Time is permanently delayed (ergo Mark never getting his powers), so I can see him either encouraging this, or being slightly conflicted? I don't know how much he actually trusts the GDA or Cecil, so it could just be bittersweet?
But, I love the idea of GDA!Mark for the potential strain in their dynamic. See, while we can't have the kind of unfolding drama in s1 considering Nolan's slaughter spree might not necessarily happen, the idea of Mark having to process the weight of his own idolization, unable to stand side by side with him on the field, feeling like Nolan feed into the idea he'd get powers, only to end up disappointed year after year could foster some bitterness and/or desperate need to prove himself. He would see Nolan slightly more, but maybe that's just a reminder of what he can't do. Where he can't reach. Nolan having doubts in GDA, would only worsen the strain, how exciting!
Plus, GDA seems to be the classic kind of trust nobody type of government agency that may to try detach Mark's (almost) unshakable faith in his Dad, and could push him to look into what exactly his Dad's past/planet/history is exactly like for documentation, as Mark tries to grasp how much he trusts Nolan and the GDA. If Slaughter Time does happen, then that's incredible drama!!! As Mark, who feels aligned with both the GDA and his Dad, now has to work to find the truth, probably to prove his Dad's innocence, only to find the horrible news instead.
Does Nolan tell Mark and Debbie at the same time, who both already know, haven't told the others, and you got family drama of the fucking century again? Ideally? Yes. I love dramatic irony a normal amount.
I think GDA!Mark and Canon!Mark wouldn't get along tbh. While C!Mark is relieved by the lack of maliciousness, GDA!Mark is literally seeing where his entire life could have been if he'd only gotten powers. 'Cause, while I do think Mark is a fundamentally kind person, it's also clear he's incredible hard on himself which I think crosses over to alternate selves. So, he'd be bitter as fuck. Yeah, they both suffered, but I think the envy would go crazy. GDA!Mark would start questioning everything, like if that Nolan loved his son more for having powers, and if C!Mark just fucked it up somehow, so if GDA!Mark got powers maybe he could've done something different? Said the right thing? Like there's this desperation to know could it have turned out any other way? Was it truly his fault? Was it something he should've said better? I think there's a quiet spiraling despair in seeing the distorted mirror version of oneself and still seeing them suffering. Was there really no other ending? It had to be this way?
Thanks for the ask tho :D !!! Currently trying to remember I have this blog while I fight art block fjgkfg.
Oh! And Bonus idea of interning at GDA still means he hangs out with Teen Team!!! Maybe he helps log injuries, reviews battles, handles reports, memorizing villain weaknesses as base support, but there's this underlying part of him that still feels so useless next to them? I can see Rex and Mark getting off on the wrong foot immediately, but Kate and Mark bonding? Mostly because I want Kate and Mark bonding like please.
#invincible rotating in my mind#asks#mark grayson#I LOVE STRAINED FATHER SON DYNAMICSSSSS#I LOVE EVERY MARK BEING TRAPPED UNDER THEIR FATHER'S SHADOW#i can't tell if mark's peers/coworkers KNOW if he's omni-man's son but like mentor cecil hoursssssssssss#oh and cecil does absolutely try to use mark to know more about omni-man under the guise of finding the truth or something#if im being super indulgent mark still has like slight invulnerability#cant fly cant be super strong cant do jack shit but be hard to kill#which he finds out post-nolan flying away / end of s1#and it just adds to the mounting mental spiral of anguish#but i love the idea of it haha imagine knowing you did have a power all along but its so fucking subtle it didn't even matter#the bitterness would go CRAZYYYYYYYYY#anyways also if the eyes look slightly funky im trying to be better about keeping distinct features!!! mark looked white as hell before djf#i need to practice !!!#invincible au
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hi do you think sam is normal about the fact that matt died (on what was supposed to be his watch. by the way) and then came back as a fucking catholic priest. like. this guy watched his community get torn apart by a religious leader. aforementioned religious leader told him to kill a guy, got really pissed when he didn't, and threw him and his mom and their entire community under the bus when the beast came to take back its stolen power. he doesn't trust religion. he definitely doesn't trust religious authorities.
and now, you know. his quasi-father died (very nearly by the sword sam was given. by the way.) and came back as a religious authority. he actively works in the catholic church. he's a priest. that has to be uniquely shitty for sam. your dad figure is back from the dead (that you probably should have been there to save him from in the first place) and he's not a lawyer anymore but a guy in the exact same position of authority as the one you became blindspot to work against. the one that tried to make you into a murderer. the one that got your mom killed. oh and he doesn't remember you. crazy.
#I guess I what I'm saying is#they should really put sam in the current daredevil run#because the potential for some absolutely crazy awkward pseudofamily dynamics is crazy.#plus what if matt remembers.#“oh shit I told this kid to go live his life and then tried to kill myself with the sword he'd been carrying for like years.”#the sheer amount of guilt#what do you Do after that#look I'm sorry I just. stop chucking sam into the canon void they're fascinating foils okay!#you can't just give daredevil an apprentice#jack him up with religious trauma#kill daredevil in the spot the apprentice was supposed to be guarding#have him come back as an amnesiac catholic priest#and NOT COME BACK TO THE APPRENTICE#also chip zdarsky is a coward and should have let matt kill himself with the sword stick gave sam#the twisted cycle of apprentice and master coming. well not full circle but a wonky little spiral.#sorry elektra your whole fight scene was badass but you are not as conducive to devasting narrative symmetry in this particular instance#i forgot where i was going with this#uh yeah. free my guy he did all of it and it was excellent literary foiling.#sam chung#blindspot#matt murdock#daredevil#kili is rambling again
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It's just like glass animals said. In the summer silence i was getting violent in the summer silence i was doing nothing
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People asking me where I want to go after uni and I’m like girl. do you think I have that luxurious choice? I will go wherever the fuck someone will hire me like capitalism intended.
#I hate it here#here being the earth#saying uni instead of my PhD so I stay relevant to the youth#spent an entire semester pretending by admission to be an undergrad and some people didn’t believe me when I told them lmao#perhaps they just thought that I know absolutely jack shit for the qualification I’m going for
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sometimes I do miss being a teenager but then I'm like girl .. The Horrors
#being a teenager is the worst thing that can happen to anyone ever#BUT. idk what the but in this scenario is actually. what am i nostalgic for#i guess i've just been a bit wistful because i'm looking back at my old “novel” projects that i dreamed of getting published one day#ray and jawin they will never make me hate you#shane and amy lucifer and lilith. COLIN? COLIN AND ANN MY ABSOLUTE BELOVEDS#who else was there. i had about eigtheen guys named jack and they were all the same character but in different projects#GARETH. GARETH MY SWEET BOY ..#writing had a different vibe back then. it was all so painfully genuine#not that it's not genuine anymore but now i'm way more focused on actually making it Good. my writing back then was shit lol#rayrambles
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The one day of the year I don't talk about wanting to fist fight him
#Genshin#genshin impact#childe#tartaglia#ajax#childe ajax tartaglia#yaaaay !!#And you may say#well you're likely one of my mutuals and therefore know jack shit about Genshin so.#And you probably won't say#“Hey Kay wouldn't he LIKE you to fight him”#To which I'd say absolutely not#I am not very strong he'd just feel really bad#Like he could totally kill me if he wanted !!#But I don't think he'd slaughter a teenager yk#I think he'd try to put me in timeout#but he doesn't know I'm American#and would shoot him with a gun
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i have to wonder what super hardcore militant vegans think should be done about obligate carnivore animals, because in all my painfully-rapidly-approaching-30-years i've literally never actually seen anyone give a clear consistent much less halfway feasible answer on that
#mostly i've just seen like “how dare you ask questions you just want an excuse to murder you're sealioning ect”#or worse some vague and wildly improbable nonsense about like. fake robot animals covered in beyond meat or something equally convoluted#which is a thing i did see someone suggest as a serious answer#i mean i already know they think i'm a genetically inferior hateful vampire that should starve to death for the greater good#because my exact combination of health conditions make meat basically the only semi-safe way i can get close to enough nutrients#i know this because they have repeatedly told me that i'm either evil or should be sacrificed or both#and yelled at me for asking questions by bringing up the whole disabled thing and then they're like#“a lot of vegans i know are advocates for disability!” as if that ever means jack shit in the society that results from anything#no matter what you do a vast majority of people in any given society will *not* be advocates for the disabled. i'm sorry they just won't.#and what do you think public perception of people who physically can't survive like that is going to skew towards#in a society founded on the belief that non-vegan diets are evil?#at absolute best we're looking at being a heavily marginalized class generally seen as something like vampires and our existences taboo.#(as if these type's own insistence that they should be allowed to harass and shame people doesn't disprove their assertion that we won't be#thinking it could possibly go any better than that is a fucking fairy tale. human nature doesn't work that way.#you simply cannot eliminate the human desire to designate and abuse a class of have-nots. the absolute best you can do is mitigate damage.#take it from someone who's been multiple kinds of disabled and chronically ill all my life. people will not “just”. ever.#i get this even from people who are otherwise very aware of and VERY GOOD at avoiding this sort of thinking#“i'm a disability advocate!” no you are not. you are a poster. my experience has taught me that what people advocate for in their free time#means precisely jack shit for how they will actually act when faced with the situations they make otherwise rational posts about#and the fact of the matter is even if you somehow really are the perfect disability advocate a majority of people WILL NOT BE YOU.#a majority of people in society will be margrat from accounting who clutches her pearls when she sees the gays and thinks autism isnt real#and who has never had a nuanced thought in her life and actively does not want to#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will not be you and your friends who march with wheelchair users and volunteer at the shelte#a vast majority of people in your Vegan Utopia will be jenny who starved 8 cats to death on broccoli because she can't be bothered#and who thinks that “carnivores” are actual nazis and don't deserve healthcare because she saw someone say that online.#ALWAYS assume your society will be made up mostly of the worst kind of person it can because it WILL ALWAYS BE TRUE and you can't change it#most people seek the low-effort option. and evil is most often banal and low-effort.#i'm just so fucking tired of every single even vaguely lefty-adjacent political movement simultaneously acting like i don't fucking exist#and at the same time that i need to be sacrificed to achieve Utopia. god. at least conservative whackjobs are upfront and honest about#how they think that i'm a burden on society that needs to be Eugenics'd . rather than trying to morally gaslight me about it.
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u ever seriously wonder if ur gonna make it thru the year
#im#not even sad abt it.#just thinking.#i saw my aunt today and she bought me alc like every time i see a family member. lolololol i am mentally and physically ill i absolutely#failed at resisting temptation#mainly bc im a WRECK due to my period#i did not break the cycle of addiction that runs HEAVILY on both sides of my family 💀💀💀#maybe one day but that isnt today.#i actually havent drank in like a month whixh is awesome for me given. The Tendicies.#anyone else also feel like theyve taken a stimulant on alc????#like i have so much energy and joy but without the horrific heart racing symptoms#it’s bc it works on gaba receptors that seems to be what im lacking#bc neurontin (gabapentin) was the psych med that worked WONDERS for me and i’ve been on 10+ other meds that haven’t done SHIT#my doc wld not prescibe me last time i went despite being prescribed before and ir working wonderfully#she just upped my paxil which didnt do jack fucking shit#then i lost insurance so i havent been able to follow up w her But im working on that#it just sucks so much that the only time i feel relatively happy is on drugs#then i think well. at least im no longer in my benedryl phase like when i was younger💀#and im like wow it rly cld be worse. i guess.#tendencies*#oh jesus i am NOT proofreading this. sorry
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What does Jack's transformation look like?
They don't really have one solid transformation. Creeps kind of operates on cartoon logic, wherein anything it finds the funniest at the moment is what probably will happen. But if it needs to switch quickly, it's usually in a puff of smoke, like a magic trick
But sometimes it thinks having a horribly grotesque body horror-esque transformation is hilarious
#the horror type is what happened when it first transformed#scared the absolute shit out of the guys who shot jack. imagine the guy you just killed starts morphing john carpenters the thing style#frootverse#jack ryder#the creeper
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i'm having a lot of fun with duolingo italian because it's like word that is basically latin but italianly, french but to the left, oh hey greek! you love to see it, absolute bottom of the false friend option list but sure i guess, WILDEST LEFT FIELD SHIT YOU'VE EVER SEEN, back to latin,
#you'd think#given just how much english has borrowed from italian#that i would have osmosised more actual italian#but my main takeaway from the past couple of weeks#is that i could not in fact have osmosised *less* italian#the sum total of the italian i have osmosised is jack fucking shit#as it turns out#anyway#this post brought to you by 'gli uccelli'#which ultimately unsurprisingly does of course come from latin#just in a way that's not quite phonologically transparent enough for me#(and both my extremely limited memory of my extremely limited latin and my highly vibes-based sense of latin > italian sound changes)#to connect to anything that would point me even vaguely in the right direction#it does have a step up on 'colazione' and 'ciotola' though#in that the latin > italian journey didn't *also* involve a fairly significant amount of semantic drift#'absolute bottom of the false friend option list but sure i guess' is 'negozio' btw#like yeah okay 'shop' doesn't NOT track but no fucking way would i have ever landed there myself
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my favourite thing in the whole wide world is creating a normal post and then using the notes as a completely unrelated diary entry
#i WILL make a post about bungo stray dogs only to rant about my upcoming geography exam in the tags#why? becaues idk i have no where else to talk about it#“create a separate post” i hear u say#no#ANYWHO i have my geography exam tomorrowi m going to shit myself#BUT i have an unconditional to st andrwes (the best uni in my country!!!) so im not too stressed#but i will say i know absolutely jack shit#like what the fukc are the farell cells n shit ?? soil profiles??#nobody told me it was sciency i just wanted to talk about maps :[#lea.txt
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