#just a shroom drifting through life

[adventure-waffles]

No. 11: Proper footwear is important when you're just a little mushroom

An Zhe- Rain Boots with Handles

0 | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 - in progress

[lumenflowered]

Pelipper mail! A dream of a life now filled with heartbreak, yet still surrounded by unimaginable beauty.

Mithalas is dead, and yet, you endure. You drift between the stacked pods that form its buildings, letting your eyes wander across the seemingly endless expanse that should be bustling with life, and yet is not. To all sides, above and below, all around the central rock, the houses protrude like mushrooms from every surface.

Some are cracked open from accident or age, and terrible fanged eels have taken up residence within. You avoid those, and dodge as well the acidic orbs spit by the countless frogs. Nothing else lives in this enormous cavern. Nothing but monsters, and frogs… and you.

Still, you persist. You explore every home you can find an opening to, because maybe, just maybe, there could be a survivor. Maybe there could be someone like you, who has lived among these ruins like you lived among the remnants of two other races, far away.

You find no survivor. Only frogs, and biting bugs swarming from the long abandoned pots, and a few well preserved mushrooms of swirling hues, labeled with a note in that same language you have seen spread across Aquaria. Rainbow soup, the note mentions, and calls it an escape.

There is no need to escape from spitting frogs, or scary yet sedentary eels. Though you can cook soup and often find yourself invigorated thereafter to swim with new agility, you have no need for your concoctions here, where the danger is small. So you swim onward, still exploring every building along your path.

In the distance, an enormous jellyfish looms, darkening the waters through its translucent red-violet bulb. You keep your distance, but make a mental note to return to that part of the city should the currents carry it onward.

Finally, after you have toured what seems like all the city, you come to a door set into the central rock itself. At first it is much like any other, an unlocked way to a building inside, still decorated in that clean blue and gray palette of gentle curves and circles… but when you swim inside, something clicks in your mind.

You have been here before.

In this exact room of this exact house, here in the city of Mithalas, you stood in this spot as a child, and you watched your mother cook you dinner. You were here.

And yet your mother’s face, even in this vivid flash of memory, is indistinct. You recall nothing except her height, her clothing, the soothing sound of her voice as she talked and as she sang… but you have not seen her in far too long. You remember that for a while, in your prior life, you had once wondered whether you ever had a family at all.

What happened to her? Why can you remember these precious fragmented images of your mother, but not the tiniest speck of a father?

When were you here? Did you live among the people of Mithalas, before it fell to ruin? Are you truly one of them? Are you a survivor? And if so… does that mean your family perished in whatever catastrophe left this place abandoned?

The questions flood your mind and threaten to overwhelm you. Already you can feel tears pulling at the corners of your eyes, as you let yourself drift slowly to the cool tiled floor. This, finally, not the beasts outside, is what makes you wish for escape.

And so you push yourself upward, to the perfectly intact kitchen countertop, and you start preparing a bubble of soup. The work calms you, gives you a sense of connection to your mother, your history, after all this time… and connection as well to that unnamed scribe who provided you with a local Mithalan ingredient to top it off.

The rainbow mushrooms crumble in the hot soup, and lend the whole bubble their color. When it is ready, you swim across the room, leaving your tears behind where you had stood, and you taste your creation. It’s good, despite the age of the shrooms. It’s warm, and earthy, and the slight bitter tang is masked under the broth…

It’s not food poisoning that you feel next. There is no churning, upset feeling in your gut, no discontent from your body at all, only a blurring of your vision as swirls of rainbow creep in from the sides of your perception. The whole world feels like but a dream, and you feel as if you’ve been dreaming for centuries, lost to the waves as countless unimaginable sights stream past you. All around, the rainbows coil and twist and threaten to overwhelm your eyes, but never quite, just as the static frame of the Mithalan ceiling also never quite manages to bring itself back to focus and awareness.

There is no way of knowing how long you spend there, captive to the brilliant, wondrous visions. Every second feels like months within the rainbows’ grip, and yet through it all, you are at peace. You understand why your departed benefactor left you their gift, why it was an escape from a time of turmoil during a once great city’s decline. You understand the truth of the universe and beyond, so you think during the endless dream.

At some point, perhaps you fall asleep in reality. The vibrant colors fade away, and for a while you are plagued with nightmares: swimming upward through pitch black waters, always chasing after your mother’s fins, daring not to look behind both out of fear of what you might see pursuing and fear that you might lose track of your mother’s guidance… avoiding the only pinpricks of light around you, for each one could be the lure of a ravenous beast, and daring not to call out in song amidst the silence as even the sound of your webbed feet frantically swimming could attract the attention of horrors below…

You dream of your childhood, and you dream of terror. You dream of your mother’s song, and you dream of wrath divine. You dream of hiding and of pursuit. You dream, as the mushrooms promised, of escape.

And then you wake, and find yourself in Mithalas again. An adult again. Alone, again, as you always have been.

[And when you wake again, you find a near perfect polished sphere of red crystal, cracked in half, and the inside smells faintly of salt and blood.]

I tru ly thought that I had seen the end of these .

...How does soupwork under wa ter ?

[northwest-cryptid]

Okay so like here's the thing right, I've learned that I hold a sort of envy for an individual who's life I would never want to live. She very much threw her life away but at least she knew what she wanted. She got to be trans because she didn't work a job, so she could be as out as she wanted without consequence given that her family was fine with it. She could get on HRT, hell even my family supported her and took her shopping for clothes and the like; things my family wouldn't accept the same for me because I'm "their son." Though if that's all it was, that'd have been fine; no the issue came when she picked up hard drugs, had a relatively successful few polyam relationships; something I've only known a few times in my life and something I'll likely never know again. Once more I must state if she avoided the horrible ego death from so much LSD she can't think straight anymore, she'd have been fine. She even started producing, I'll say; honestly kinda decent music? It started to resemble music, but then remember; the acid, the LSD, the shrooms; it was never enough. She didn't have to survive like I did, she had a luxury of her boyfriend and her family being able to support her, she could still mask well while on HRT until she could pass so even when she had to get a job it wasn't too challenging for her; she even lived in a place where that sort of thing is a lot more accepted, so you know; not where I'm living now lol.

At the end of the day I lost my friend not in death, but in that she became someone completely different and we drifted apart, because the drugs just got to her; she'd become almost hostile if you didn't want to try them too; if you weren't willing to experience the world she had seen.

Yet I was always envious of her ability to just do whatever she wanted without a care. I'd never want to live her life; but the things she had were things I wanted, I just didn't know at the time. I think above all however, the fact that I realized I was trans so late.

Many of my friends will respect that I'm NB but it's fairly clear how I'm viewed, I'm not seen as a genderless or multi-gendered entity; rather I'm viewed as NB - Male. It's clear I'm still a man to most of them, as well as to the world at large. Coming to terms with the fact that while no, I don't believe I fit into the binary, I feel such envy towards my old friend because people actually respected her as a woman, there was no need to clarify, barter, or remind people. Even those of us who had known her for years prior to the transition.

I on the other hand have to fight to even be seen as anything other than a man, let alone non-binary. To be seen as a woman is so far fetched to me it feels impossible. If I started HRT I know what would happen, I wouldn't pass well enough, my voice or general genetics would easily give away that I'm trans; and living where I do, working the kind of jobs I do, that's not going to fly. I wouldn't remotely be safe to do it. That's even if I could get through all the paperwork and doctors necessary to sign off for me to even get on HRT in the first place.

I've come to the realization that if I'm going to be viewed as any gender I'd rather that be a woman than a man; but that in reality I'm just feminine leaning; I don't wish to be one or the other exclusively in it's entirety.

I am left wondering if my desire for change doesn't stem from a sort of disapproval from those I care about. I want to be seen as I am by them; even if it means I have to change my physical appearance to make that happen. I hear the way they speak of others, including other NB individuals; never failing to use proper pronouns; until it comes to me. Then it somehow becomes an issue; then it somehow becomes confusing.

I don't want to be rude to the people I care about, I don't want to be off-putting and "correct" them. I guess I'm just tired of not feeling respected or seen or understood.

One of the main reasons I kept to myself about being trans was because I watched how my family treated my friends, always making sure to be accommodating; using the right pronouns, bothering to actually help them transition; and then seeing how they reacted to me even remotely mentioning that I was questioning my gender. Or how they reacted to me being pan, refusing to accept either; telling me I've never "slept with a man so how do I know?" Only to become enraged when I told them I have, several times; and that I even had a few boyfriends in the past.

I've learned that others are allowed to be things that I am not, more often than not I don't even feel like I get to be me; rather I'm just whatever others want me to be when they want me to be it. I exist for others, be it at work or at home or wherever. I don't even know what I want anymore because I've spent so long being someone else for everyone else.

[dell-cartwright]

Name: Wendell Davis Cartwright

Nickname: Dell

FC: Luka Sabbat

Age: Twenty-Seven

Birthday: November 19th

Gender & Pronouns: Cisgender Male, He/Him/His

Sexual & Romantic Orientation: Pansexual Panromantic

Occupation: Owner of Ruby’s Diner, often picks up odd jobs around town when he needs help making ends meet. 

Neighborhood: Willowdale. He’s a little more financially stable now than when he was at the time he bought his house. It was intended to be just a starter home but considering that he and his late wife lived in it together he can’t bear to leave it behind.

Positive Personality Trait(s): Dedicated, Compassion, Fortitude, Diligent, Curiosity

Negative Personality Trait(s): Pessimistic, Emotional, Envious, Over-Protective, Melancholic

Extras: 

- Has an M tattooed on in the inside of his right bicep

- Still wears his wedding ring

BIOGRAPHY

This bio contains mentions of drug use, blood, pregnancy + birth complications, and death.

Wendell ‘Dell’ Cartwright was born to Ruth and George Cartwright in Stillwater, CA shortly after his father finished settling back into civilian life after serving as a soldier in WWII. He brought some much needed joy to his father after enduring all the harrowing events of the war and thus revitalized his parent’s marriage. An outgoing little boy right pretty much right off the bat the only child would entertain guests with his playful antics and seemingly insatiable curiosity. His company was well enjoyed by his parent’s friends and family, as well as those who occupied his neighborhood. 

As he aged into some independence he took quickly to ‘adventuring’ around the town with his friends, often getting into trouble as they rarely ever knew when enough was enough. Though serious damage was rarely ever done, aside from the baseball through Mrs. Schofield’s window… Just as he had when he was a child, Dell had an urge to get as much out of life as he could possibly manage. Voracity to learn simply possessed him to a near fault. Only through his ability to harness it to his academic benefit was he able to convince those around him that it was a positive asset instead of a deficit.

Soon high school rolled around and he was ready to take it on with the same enthusiasm as he had his earlier schooling. The first two years were business as usual, until his desire to explore led him to the world of substances. Marijuania, LSD, shrooms, even the occasional bump of cocaine all soon drifted into his world thanks to a friend of a friend. As much as his parents despised this behavior, Dell refused to let his habits derail his life and in stereotypical stubborn teenager fashion, he also wanted to prove his parents wrong about drugs ruining his life. It was a balancing act, but he did manage to keep his school performances at the very least consistent with his record if not better. The use of hallucinogens actually aided his performance in subjects such as art and music. He would discover that this was a passion of his, though he wasn’t very naturally good at either he would toil away at the guitar or a sketchbook and charcoal until he was ‘adjacent to acceptable’ as he would always say.

During his senior year his life was filled with color in both the metaphorical sense as he was as socially outgoing as he ever was, often stopping by multiple parties or friends’ houses each day, and in the literal sense as he continued to experiment with psychedelics and artwork. One evening he ended up at a house party hosted by someone he didn’t know, listening to the music and enjoying the libations when something else caught his eye.

A female peer that he had seen here and there in school, but never really seen like he was that night. The way she moved uninhibited to the music and simply thriving off of the energies in the living room that night drew him in. Certain events of that night were not committed to his memory, likely due to the influences he was under, but he certainly recalled meeting her on the dance floor and taking her offered hand. The two of them pulled into one another’s worlds and beginning to meld. Eventually moving from the main area of the party to a quieter place where their lips met repeatedly to a similar rhythm as their bodies had due to the music. When the sun lifted up over the horizon the following morning she and Dell woke up on the couch with limbs entangled with one another. Sobered in more ways than one, they introduced themselves a bit more formally. Her name was revealed to be Mary Ford, and soon she was all he could think about. They found that they shared multiple interests besides just the use of psychedelics. Mary also found herself possessed by the voracity, the hunger, for life. To Dell she was perfect, and she felt the same for him.

Dell and Mary started going steady soon after. Their romance drew attention from across the school. Both of them were a wild child on their own, together they were a force to be reckoned with. However both of them were often too drawn up in one another to be worried about conflict with anyone else.

The summer after their high school education came to a close they each put the entirety of their funds into a large purchase. A red VW van. While their former classmates headed off for college or the workforce, Dell and Mary spent their first year of complete independence heading for unfamiliar spaces up and down California’s coast. Nothing but their van and each other by their sides.

Their impulsive and fiery lifestyle began to slow down towards the next fall, the two of them were nineteen and ready to continue their taking on of the world. After a sudden and unusual bout of carsickness from Mary altered them to the fact that their duo was set to become a trio. Any fear and unpreparedness they felt was overshadowed by the excitement they held for the burgeoning life they were now anticipating. Despite the new development they continued their ventures across the state, documenting their story for their unborn child with Mary’s polaroid.

When her due date was slowly beginning to approach and the realization that they could not raise a family inside of a van, the couple returned to their mutual hometown where their announcement was made for them by the undeniable presence of a bump beneath Mary’s shift dress. After selling their beloved van they use the profit to place a downpayment on a home and a marriage license. Officially making them Mr. and Mrs. Cartwright.

As they decorated a nursery with the play of a radio behind them they became enamored with a certain song. Ruby Baby by Dion. They had heard the tune before and it was always a favorite of theirs, but now it felt even more meaningful as the two became convinced that Mary would give birth to a daughter who would be an equally loved namesake for the song they adored. While their instinct would indeed prove them right later on, neither one of them were able to predict the harrowing circumstances that their child would make her way into the world through.

In the middle of the night Dell was awoken by Mary white-knuckling his arm as pain gripped her body. Their faded yellow sheets that covered their bed were becoming saturated with blood. Something was horribly wrong.

Dell took his wife to Stillwater General as fast as he was able to, minutes after their arrival Mary was whisked away from a vast hallway. Only managing to shout a frantic profession of his love after her before she disappeared from his sight, it would be the last time that he was able to set eyes on her alive.

An agonizingly long wait later in a sterile waiting room and an equally sterilely dressed doctor approached Dell and shattered his world with three simple words.

“I’m so sorry…”

The explanation of how Mary had undetected placenta previa with placenta accreta, an overwhelmingly fatal combination, had meant that no matter what they wouldn’t have been able to have saved her fell on a largely unaware Dell. It felt like he was underwater, almost forgetting to even breath through his hysterics, unable to focus on the words as he thought of how the love of his life was suddenly ripped away from him.

And then the doctor broke through the ice surrounding his brain with the news that he was now a father to a healthy baby girl. Nearly instantly he rose to his shaky feet and asked to see her.

The doctor complied with the request and Dell was soon meeting his daughter in the hospital’s nursery. Cradling her tiny body in his arms, the confusing flood of love he had for her now mixed with the devastation in his chest. Neither one dulling the intensity of the other.

He considered the temptation of naming her after her mother, but it seemed there was only enough room for one Mary Cartwright in both the world at large and in his heart. Not to mention it felt like a disservice to go back on the promise they had made to one another to name her after their the song that had become the soundtrack to their lives the last few months. So he found a compromise of honor both their agreement and his sweetheart by bestowing the name Ruby Elaine Cartwright. Passing on Mary’s own middle name onto their child.

Dell’s parents were a great support in the immediate months following Ruby’s birth, helping him settle into parenthood and single parenthood all at once. Soon he developed a rhythm of attending to her needs and not forgetting his own. It didn’t feel right, raising Ruby without Mary, but it was now his reality. There was no avoiding that. His father in particular helped him out with getting back on his feet. He showed Dell the ropes of fatherhood and took him under his wing in the world of business, imparting various aspects of knowledge about said world as Mr. Cartwright himself worked in business management.

Using what he learned he was able to begin to not feel as though he was no longer drowning, at least when it came to paying his bills. Dell continued to work alongside his father until about three years ago when he decided to put the money he had held onto to good use, eventually coming across an investment that felt almost cosmically fated to come into his possession when the owners of a local restaurant were looking to sell. Thus leading to how Dell became the owner of the aptly named, Ruby’s Diner.

Since then he’s been splitting his time between his now eight year old daughter and managing the diner. He’s also trying not to forget to spend a little time on himself as well. Managing the still healing wound of losing Mary with therapy and self-expression via music and art. Though his daughter has always been, and always will be, his number one priority, much like her mother once was.

[nightcall99]

Notes from 24.2.24

I'm not here right now so here's some severely disjointed rambling.

Restless night of high energy. Don't remember any dreams but there was something vague about a pool of water. A swimming pool or a public bath. The HS appeared. Questions and answers were drifting into my awareness, rolled into one.

I drank a lot of water today. More than I usually do. I did a short meditation and saw myself inside of a tsunami wave, just standing in the water like a phantom, but smiling. I let the water molecules pass through me, until I was the water.

I scrolled up a bit in the chat and saw something about how CA was teaching her daughter about Dr. Emoto's water experiments.

Spoke to her briefly. On the same page. It’s over. I remember that dream I had of the Sailor Moon tattoos. We both have the same tattoo, metaphorically.

Yesterday while waiting for my lunch at the cafe, I saw the pavement move like lava. As if I was on shrooms.

My co-worker messaged me about an issue that wasn't necessarily my fault, but kind of was. I was dreading having to deal with it on Monday since it had the potential to blow up, but I kept repeating to myself that I wouldn't have to do anything. Today he messaged me to say, It's All Sorted.

The book I'm reading is getting boring, I skip chapters. I keep looking over at the dog to check if it's still there or not.

So we just had a university placement student for 4 weeks. He was NPC as fuck, I tried making him laugh several times but nothing. Devoid of personality. But oh my god, it's like he'd been working there for years and years. I purposely create things to be easy for me so of course it's all me but it got me thinking more about my experiences of males. It's been a while since I've felt safe and protected at work (or in life) like that. I didn't have to be so tensed up and on high alert. Like my manager is pushing 40 and I'm the one who's always protecting him and dealing with the shit situations. This 24 year old kid was literally running the place with no pay. With No Ego. I was shoving prescription baskets in his face and he always knew what to do. Didn't hear one complaint, no shrinking violets here. The divine masculine must have gotten really fucked up in this realm for me to be shocked by something so simple as a male showing a few alpha traits. On his last day, I told him that he was the best student we’ve ever had. I'm really looking forward to finally resting, that's all I can say.

Other stuff I did today was put butterfly clips in my hair and take some selfies. I looked gross. My mum cut me up some mango. I ate potato wedges with sour cream. Right now I'm watching My Cousin Rachel because Sam Claflin is hot. When we move on, I wonder if we'll miss talking about these stupid little things.

Anyway, back to this water thing. When I was having a shower before, the words 'I am the recall' kept coming to mind. I feel like we're supposed to manifest it or something. Yeah, it's a total DUH. And wait wait wait, I know it's a major URGH NOT THIS SHIT. But hear me out. I've noticed lately how easy it is to manifest things from a single micro-thought. And it’s so fast now. It's not like before, putting all our effort into affirmations and vision boards. It used to take so long too. You know how those randoms in the 25th keep saying that no matter how hard you try to manifest winning the lotto (or whatever else that’s just not in the cards for you) you won't, if you're not supposed to? Before we were trying so hard to manifest the recall but we just weren't supposed to yet due to the resistance we had regarding the nature of our reality. Well, now we've reached the point where we’re supposed to. THAT'S ALL THAT'S LEFT. It's all we're waiting for. The concept that it's a hard task has been nuked already. I dunno. How about it? What are waiting for? I mean for me to bring it up, I'm already doing it right? It's like I’m just writing this for record-keeping purposes. Lol.

[50shadesofjayden]

Is this the end or just beginning

This became a lot more than I expected it to be. It's 4.1k words long, and yea, just yeah. This is the bigger story of my Prisoner of Your Eyes fic. If your interested in it you can read either one first.

Paring: Gareth X gender neutral y/n. No physical descriptions 😊

Synopsis: Y/N takes mushrooms for the first time with best friend Gareth. Eddie and his girlfriend (y/n’s other friend) trip sit. Angst central with a cute morning after.

Same thing as last time. If you need to talk about anything, feel free to message me. I have been an addictions/mental health/housing worker in the past. My messages are open to everyone, and if I've fixed them properly, the anon option should be on. Take care of yourself and enjoy some angsty but cute Gareth. Enjoy!

TW: 18+ please! Drug use, y/n is high, but there isn’t any negative side effects to them being high. There are signs of anxiety and some self-loathing/self-hatred thoughts. Angst, a decent amount at that. Eddie has a girlfriend with a name. Ignore the name if you want. Swearing. Lmk if I missed any.

"We could do it together." That phrase has been on your mind for the last three days. Three days of trying to avoid Gareth as much as possible was hard when you have all but one class with him, sit at lunch with him, live on the same street as him, and he's your best friend. It had been three days since Gareth had suggested you could try taking shrooms together. 

You hadn't really thought it through when you brought up trying the shrooms in the first place. It just kinda came out of your mouth before you could stop it. Eddie had been talking about new drugs he'd gotten from reefer Rick. You had no interest in LSD or coke but shrooms. You'd always been interested in them. Your cousin told you about her experiences with them. It seemed like fun; honestly, you just wanted a break from life. Mind-altering drugs seemed like a good way to escape the world. You didn't really think anybody would take it seriously. But Gareth had. 

"We could do it together." But, of course, Gareth meant it in a good way. You knew he wanted to support you. He always supported you. Gareth had been your first real friend after you moved to Hawkins the summer before grade seven. That quickly turned into best friends in grade eight when he told off Tommy Hagan for making fun of your Blue Oyster Cult shirt. Then, in grade nine, you realized that you were falling hard for your best friend. Two and a half years later, the crush had knocked you on your ass. 

"We could do it together." He meant it in an innocent way. But god, you wanted it to be far more than innocent. That simple sentence had been going through your mind for the last three days. Whenever your mind drifted, it went to those five words every day. You could tell Kolby, your other best friend and Eddie's girlfriend, was sick of having the same conversation with you. Every time you had the conversation, she kept telling you to tell Gareth you have a crush on him. But it wasn't that easy. 



You huffed as you shoved the cafeteria doors open, making a bee-line towards the Hellfire and friends' table, the friends being you and Kolby. You took your usual seat between Gareth and Eddie, leaving Kolby across from you and open seats for the rest of the club once they showed up. You could feel Eddie's eyes looking between you and Gareth a few times before moving to Kolby's. You decided to ignore them both and took a bite of an apple you'd taken from your backpack. Your mind started to wander back to those five words before you snapped yourself out of it. 

"Will you trip sit?" The words stumbled out of your mouth quicker than you had hoped and had been directed at Kolby. You felt Gareth stiffen beside you as the words caught his attention. "Ozzy wannabe what do you say? I'm sure as shit not doing it on my own." "Please." You tacked on at the end. 

You loved Eddie; you really did. Your little quad, plus Jeff and some of the younger Hellfire kids, were people you considered family. If Eddie was a stereotypical family member, he'd be that weird, slightly dirty-minded uncle everyone loved because they were family but also knew that something was wrong with them. That's not to say he's creepy; Eddie Munson is anything but creepy, despite what the majority of Hawkins High thinks. It's more because you never knew what would come out of his mouth. And his dirty mind didn't help. Needless to say, your jaw almost dropped when he let out an excited "Fuck it, why not."

"Uhm, so, Friday or Saturday night? I don't want to see anything that isn't there while we're in Mrs. Clarke's English class; it's already scary enough with her teaching." Gareth piped up this time. A grin crossed your face as you knew he wasn't exaggerating. That woman was genuinely terrifying. You nodded at Eddie, who apparently both of you had decided was all knowledgeable in drugs. Although to be fair, out of any of your friends, he was the one who had the knowledge. 

"Your parents are still away, right?" Eddie asked you. "Mhm, back on Wednesday." You confirmed. "Okay, yeah. Friday night, y/n's house, you two are buying movies and food as payment. Gareth, bring comfortable clothes. Kolby, you wear as little as possible." He finished, resulting in a groan from Dustin and Mike, who had just sat down. You tried to keep a laugh to yourself, as you were used to hearing Eddie say far worse. 

"Wanna make a snack list." Gareth's voice was loud enough only for you to hear. You were sitting together in English, Eddie and Kolby in front of you. It had been a hell of an argument with Eddie for him to give up the beloved back row he'd been sitting in the last two years, but totally worth it. It gave you and Gareth more leeway from Mrs. Clarke, which was perfect for times like this. "Please." You answered. 

"Dr. Pepper and Doritos." He began. You quickly wrote them down and hummed at him to continue. "Sour candy and iced tea for Hellfire's reigning queen." He faked gagging at the nickname Eddie used to refer to Kolby. You snickered in response and wrote the others down. "Apple juice and cupcakes for my Kin." 

You could feel your cheeks heat up at your given nickname. Gareth had decided in grade eight to give you that nickname. First, it had been Punkin because, in his words, you were sweet and spicy like pumpkin pie, but you also dressed like a punk. Then he decided halfway through grade nine to shorten it to Kin. 

You turned your head to look at him when you felt him nudging your side. "Y/n, are you paying attention?" "Mhm, always pay attention to you, Gare." "What did I just say then?" "Uhm, we're getting pizza too." You say it more like a question instead of actually replying to him. Gareth was quiet for a few seconds, making your heart beat just a little bit faster than expected. 

"You're lucky we're a predictable group." He finally gave in, letting the tension run from your mind. You chuckled at him, bumping shoulders with him. "Not my fault Munson's idea of dinner comes from a can or is pizza." You whispered back a little bit louder so Eddie could hear. Immediately his middle finger was raised towards you and Gareth, even if he didn't have anything to do with antagonizing Eddie. You leaned into Gareth, putting your face against his shoulder to keep yourself quiet as Kolby quickly snatched Eddie's hand and laced their fingers together. God, you wished that you could hold Gareth's hand too. 

----

"Okay, Zeppelin on, pillows down, blankets, ashtrays, ashtrays. Where the fuck are the ashtrays?" You rattled off your list of what to set out before searching for the ashtrays scattered around your house. You moved your way from your room, grabbing the ashtray on your bedside table and walking into your kitchen and the one on your dining room table. You set them both down on your coffee table just as you feel someone grab your waist from behind. "Son of a bitch!" 

"Hey, Kin." Gareth's smirking face looked down at you, and the urge to smack him was high. Of all cities in Indiana, Hawkins was not the one you snuck up on someone! "Gareth Emerson, I could have hit you with an ashtray!" You exclaim. "Yea, but you didn't." He teased, grin only growing bigger. Gareth wrapped his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. Your arms immediately wrapped around him to return the hug. 

"Your friendly neighbourhood drug dealer is here, kiddos!" Eddie burst through your front door, making both of you jump at his sudden entrance. "Everyone with the fucking surprising entrances today." you mumble and give him the best glare that you can manage at the moment. Your eyes follow Eddie's arm as Kolby ducks under it, carrying pizzas for the four of you. Her eyes meet yours before giving you a not-so-subtle eyebrow wiggle. Reluctantly pulling away from Gareth, you make your way with her into the kitchen. 

"Mkay, so we have everyone's favourite snacks and, for some reason, cookies, not that that is a complaint, pizza and drinks. Eddie, my apologies, but Sandra was working today at the beer store, and she knows my real age. No fake ID beer for you. Everyone knows where plates and glasses are, find what you need." Your hands clap together as you look at your three friends, who oblige your mini rant as if you didn't give it a month ago when you all had a smoke sesh/movie night. Or the other countless times you've given similar, if not exactly, the same rant. 

"I got both Nightmare on Elm Street and Fright Night for you two." Gareth chimes in. "Thank you, Gareth, the great. Are we staying in the spare room again?" You nod at Eddie before stepping aside to let the two walk past, leaving you and Gareth alone. You could feel the tension in the air as you looked over at him. You shook your head at him, cutting him off before he could even ask if you wanted to talk about it. 

Instead, you decided to walk closer to your record player that was now playing Over the Hills and Far Away. Your favourite songs off the album and probably your favourite Led Zeppelin song. You hummed along to the instrumental part before singing along with the beautiful voice.

Many times I've lied

Many times I've listened 

Many times I've wondered

How much there is to know 

You began to sway with the music. The irony of that being the song playing right now didn't go over your head. Instead, your eyes drifted to Gareth, who was leaning against the door frame separating the kitchen and living room. His eyes were fixated on you, and his pupils were slightly blown. He looked beautiful. 

The four of you were sitting around your kitchen table. You and Gareth each had a mug of lukewarm tea in front of you. "It's gonna feel weird, but most people like it. It's kinda trippy to see the world in a different way." Eddie explained. He was going over what might happen when you drank the tea. 

Glancing over at Gareth, you offered a small smile. He smiled back and bumped his knee against yours. "Ready?" Your voice came out quieter than expected. He nodded, lifting his cup up to yours, and muttered "cheers" to you. You decided to go for as much as you could drink in one go. It didn't taste bad or good. It just kind of was.

1.5 hours in

You held your fingers out before your face, wiggling them around. They had little fuzzy lines wrapping around one another. Your fingers felt buzzy, like a bee. You giggled as you pulled your fingers back into your palm before pushing them away, making the fuzzy lines move and separate. 

A giggle responded to yours, making you snap your head in that direction. Gareth! His Ozzy shirt had green goo dripping from the ends of it. "Oh my god! Gareth, your clothes are melting!" You attempt to warn him. "What? Where?" his hands brushed over his shirt moving through the goo. "Right there!" Your hands pushed at the goo, but you couldn't feel it. "What the fuck?" you mumbled. You ran your hand over where the goo should be - you could see it, but why couldn't you feel it? "You've got green goo. I can see it! Why won't you show yourself to Gare?" You yell at the goo.

"There's no goo. Leave his shirt alone, y/n." Kolby's voice distracted both of you from the goo. She had a halo around her head, but not like an angel halo. It was a purple halo, engulfing her and Eddie in purple light. "You're purple." You informed her. She opened her mouth to speak before Eddie pulled her into his lap. "Leave it be. They're really seeing the shit they say. It'll cause them to get paranoid if you argue it." 

All day long I think of things

But nothing seems to satisfy

Think I’ll loose my mind

If I don’t find something to pacify

You began to sing the chorus - the only part you know in your mind frame - before Gareth’s hand comes over your mouth. You narrow your eyes at him, annoyed that he’d stop your singing. He shook his head at you, rubbing his thumb against your cheek. “Oh, that’s just rude.” Your words are muffled by his hand.

3 hours in

"Y/n! No. Stay - fucking hell - stay in the goddamn house." Eddie yelled after you. You darted around his left side, going for the door. Kolby managed to slip herself in front of it, backing herself against it so you couldn't push her out of the way. "Move." "Not a chance. "Please" You extended the e for a few seconds. "Never." "But." 

"Led Zeppelin III is better than Houses of the Holy!" Eddie said in an attempt to distract you. They all knew your favourite album. Gareth chimed in with a quiet "oooh." before you could respond to Eddie. "How fucking dare you." You direct at him, taking quick steps away from the door. Your face to face with him, and from your peripheral vision, you see Kolby move back along his side. She still had the purple halo, but now Eddie had a red one.

"You heard me. It's got Celebration Day and Immigrant Song." He tries to justify. "Yeah, and Houses of the Holy has No Quarter and The Song Remains the Same!" You justify "And Over the Hills and Far Away." Gareth adds, reminding you of your favourite song. You look at Eddie and point towards Gareth's general direction. "See, Gare gets it." "Oh, he just agrees with you because he lik." "Oh my god, look at the pretty sunset!" Kolby shouts, distracting all three of you, effectively cutting Eddie off mid-sentence. 

You run over to your front window. You hear Gareth scramble up off the floor to join behind you. He's pressed against your back to get a better look at the pretty pink and orange hues that paint the sky. "Woah." You mumble. Your back feels like it's floating with Gareth against it, and suddenly, the colours of the sky continue their expansion to paint your living room as well.  

6.5 hours in 

You watched as the once bright colours in the room began to dull back to their normal hues. Everything felt the same but so different at the same time. Your fingers played with the ends of Gareth's hair while his head was laid on your shoulder. 

You had both decided to sit on the carpet; it felt fuzzy in a way you couldn't describe. Before Gareth had fallen asleep, he had been running his hands over it for who knows how long. Your body is left with a nice floaty feeling and a feeling of hotness where your skin is touching Gareth's.

You kept waking yourself up just as you were nodding off. Rubbing your hand over your chin, you looked up at Kolby and Eddie, who were watching the movie on your tv. "Can someone help take him to bed?" You bite your lip when you watch both jump at your voice. "Sorry." You add quickly. "Girl time." Kolby tells him as she elbows him. You watch Eddie get up and nudge Gareth gently. Thankfully he wasn't sleeping deeply, which was a miracle since he usually does, so he was able to almost walk himself back to the bedrooms. You chuckle quietly as you hear Eddie mumble about never being invited to girls' night. 

"You need to tell him y/n." Your eyes fixate on the tv screen in an attempt to ignore her. Glen was in bed about to be attacked by Freddy, which you knew because you had seen it in theatres with Gareth. "Y/n, he isn't going to push you away or turn you down." She attempted again.

"You don't know that." You whispered. Your nails dug into your palms as you began to blink back tears. You hadn't voiced it to any of your friends, but you always had intrusive thoughts about not being good enough or deserving them. Your mind loved creating scenarios of finally telling Gare that you liked him, and then him just laughing at you was far too many for you to remember in the moment. So you forced yourself to stop crying and tell her in hopes she'd finally understand. 

"I can't tell him. I'm not good enough for him, and if I say anything that changes our friendship, I don't know how to handle Hawkins without him. He makes my world brighter. He is one of the only people I want to go to when everything is dark and bad. I don't want him to leave or decide that he doesn't want our friendship. If I have to hide a crush to keep him as a best friend, I'm fine with that." You could feel your shoulders drop as they suddenly felt lighter. In a way, finally saying it made things easier. 

"That's a lot, and we're going to talk about it when it isn't 3 in the morning." You shake your head and try to respond to her. "Hold on, I'm not done. Y/n, how can you think that you're not enough for Gareth? You're both exactly what the other needs, and you both make each other ridiculously happy. So again, we'll talk about this when it's not 3 am, and you're not high, but I just need you to know he will not leave. I promise you he won't."  

Honestly, you didn't know how to comprehend this at the moment. Emotionally and mentally, it was overwhelming, and the moving objects in the room weren't helping. You nod at her and force a small smile. Words were too hard at the moment. "Goodnight." She whispered. 

You stumbled a bit as you walked. The mixture of your home looking the same as usual but in different colours was messing with your head. Eddie's brown mullet was one of the only normal things right now. Even it still had a faded red halo around it. You held your hand out for him as he turned to look at you. He helped pull you to him, chuckling to himself. "Shut up, Munson." 

"I wish you luck; he's out like a light." Eddie, gesturing to the boy currently starfished in the middle of your bed, face shoved into a pillow. Your hand rubbed over your face once more. Was it even worth it to weigh your options? You knew you'd just leave him as he was. Gareth was a heavy sleeper, something you'd learned after countless sleepovers. "I'm just gonna sleep in my parent's room. Please keep it PG or at least quiet, so I don't hear you this time." You shudder as you finish your sentence, trying not to remember the Halloween party from last year. "No promises." Eddie pats your shoulder as you walk past him. 

You woke with a startle in the morning. Was someone yelling? Why was someone yelling in your house? "I can't find them. Where are they?" It was Gareth's voice. He seemed panicked. "Dude - parent's room because you starfished in their bed." Eddie sounded tired. "Oh. Thanks." You heard Gareth walking from your guest room to where you were. 

You smiled as he appeared in the doorway. "Hey, Gare." You manage. Your voice was dry and sounded deeper than usual. You moved over from the middle to the side of the bed so he could join you. He climbed in beside you, scooting close so you could rest your head on his shoulder as he wrapped an arm around you to keep you close. You let your eyes close again, choosing to bask in the comfort of his warmth and soft smell.  

"Wanna talk about it now?" He definitely wasn't making this easy as he also had morning voice. No, no, you really didn't want to talk about it. It wasn't the fear of change that scared you. You had already changed so much with Gareth. You change daily. You changed comfort levels, you changed nicknames, you changed music tastes. Change wasn't scary to you. Losing the ability to change with him scared you. "Okay." you whispered. 

"I don't know how to start." He sounded nervous. "Me either. I don't want to lose you. I can't lose you." You corrected yourself, once again forcing yourself not to look at him. If he's going to leave, it would be easier not to look at him while he goes. 

"You won't, Kin. Nothing will make me leave unless you ask me to. Stuck with me for life, remember?" Chuckling at his words, you look down at your palm, the tiny little scar still there after all those years. It felt like something out of a movie, making a blood pack with your best friend. It hurt, and looking back at it now, it was kind of gross if you were being honest with yourself, but it was proof of your friendship lasting forever. 

Gareth's fingertip traced across the scar on your palm. That little movement gave you enough courage to tell him. "I like you." The words are rushed and louder than you meant to say them. "I like you too." He doesn't even bat an eye as he says the words back. "No, I mean in the I like you, I want to kiss you and hold ha." 

Somehow he manoeuvred the both of you in a way that let his body lean over you as he kissed you. It was sloppy, rough and perfect. His lips were moulded against yours, making them feel like they were made for you and you alone.

You're interrupted by a loud bang coming from your guest room, Eddie shouting that he's okay, and Kolby's laughter. Gareth pulls away, which makes you pout. You really liked kissing him. "20 bucks says he walked into the wall again." "I'm not giving you 20 bucks." You snicker at him. "We should go out and join them before he decides he's not going to knock." You groan softly and reluctantly not, but not before leaning back up to peck his lips. 

Forcing yourself out of bed, you let out a quiet moan as you stretch, feeling your muscles tense for a few seconds before fully relaxing. "Didn't know you could sound so pretty, Kin." You laugh at that, shooting him your best attempt at a flirty look, at least the best you could do after just waking up. "Don't worry, I'll show you how pretty I can sound for you later." You keep the look played up for a good three seconds before letting out a genuine laugh, the ones only your real friends or more than friends get to hear. "Okay, I'm so sorry. That was bad." You could feel the butterflies you were used to from him begin to flutter again once you heard his laugh. "It wasn't that bad, promise." 

You groan quietly and walk into his chest, pushing your face into it. His chuckles vibrate throughout his body as his arms tighten around you. "I swear I really can dirty talk. Just not at ten in the morning." He answers you with a kiss pressed to the top of your head. "C'mon, sugar, I'll get you some breakfast." 

Lacing your fingers with his, you make your way into the kitchen. Eddie and Kolby had beaten you there. You let go of Gareth's hand as he tried maneuvering around Eddie, who was making coffee. "Munson, who told you that coffee was a good thing for you?" You tease. "I tried to tell him no, but he said he'd make me fend for myself for breakfast if I took it away from him." Kolby's hands are up in defence. "Hm, not nice to not treat your girlfriend right, Eddie. And you call her the queen of hellfire. At least I get my partner cold pizza for breakfast."

Your eyes go wide at his words. "Partner?" Kolby and Eddie say at the same time. Gareth brings two plates of cold pizza over before sitting next to you. "Mhm, see, unlike Eddie. I'm nice to mine." Gareth confirms before kissing your cheek. 

[casinoroyale]

“Sapnap? Karl?” 

There’s no answer, only the sound of his own wavering voice echoing back. The other, weirder Karl was right. Nothing remains. Quackity’s hand finds his axe, clutching it tight to his chest as he treads further into Kinoko Kingdom. Each step sends shockwaves of dread throughout every nerve in his body. 

He stops at what can only be the pond weird Karl—yeah, he’ll just call him weird Karl from now on—was referencing. It’s barren, just like everything else. Fuck, there’s a lot of work to be done here. Between the houses in disarray, the dried-out mushrooms, and nature creeping in to reclaim the land- Quackity has his hands full. It’s not exactly prime real estate anymore, but a promise is a promise. He’s now, according to weird Karl, the owner of Kinoko Kingdom. Though he can’t imagine it as a suburb, or anything other than what it was, the least he can do is clean up the place. Opening his inventory stuffed with buckets, he sets off for the nearest water source. 

Bucket by bucket, he fills Karl’s pond until water laps at the edges. It’s a blur of repetitive movement, and Quackity blurs with it, drifting in and out of the task. He finishes as the sun dips closer to the horizon, soaked clothes clinging to his frame. 

Once the last bucket is emptied he collapses down by it, face hovering over the pond. Quackity watches his own rippled reflection open and close its mouth as if it wants to speak. What would that do, anyway? It’s not like Karl can hear him. It’s not like anyone can.

“Karl… I’m sorry.” But that too means nothing. It’s not weird Karl he should be apologizing to, and especially not to a fucking pond. His reflection carries on. “I’ll take care of Kinoko Kingdom. If you come back-” He won’t. Quackity won’t bet on them coming back. “-it’s gonna look better than it did.”

For a while he rests there, finally regaining the willpower to stand. His legs carry him up and down the desolate streets, though he’s not sure why. Quackity drifts through each building until the sky is a smear of dark purples and blues. There’s nothing of interest left, save a particularly unnerving library, and most of the houses have started crumbling in on themselves. Bits and pieces of shrooms are scattered across every surface. 

Eventually, only one house remains unsearched, the one he’s sure Sapnap used to sleep in. He coughs as the door swings open, spores and dust flying through the air. A chill runs down Quackity’s spine, not from the snow starting to drift down, but from the emptiness inside. The floor creaks underneath his boots as he makes his way to Sapnap’s room. It’s in a tumultuous state, as if he was in a hurry to leave- drawers left ajar, bedsheets flung to the side. There’s no sign of their rings, no sign of anything important. 

Quackity can’t help the way he hovers over the bed. It doesn’t smell like them anymore. Nothing does. In another life, he’s sandwiched between them here, tangled together in the sheets. The fabric burns in his hand, his eyes burn, everything burns. He has to go. Now. Quackity backs away, ready to turn tail and flee, but something catches his eye. 

There’s a note left out in the fading sunlight, paper yellowing and crumpled. Weird Karl must’ve missed it in his hungover state. Swallowing hard, he picks it up from the bedside table.

Quackity, Karl,

If you find this stay put. If you’re alive I'll find you. I'm looking for you. 

Love, 

Sapnap

His hands shake as he folds the note. It weighs heavy in his pocket. There’s no way to tell how long it’s been since Sapnap left, but if he’d sought out Quackity when Las Nevadas was empty, when he went searching for Charlie… Sapnap might not know he’s alive. He might not know Karl is dea- stuck. To Sapnap, he might be servers away and starting over. And if Sapnap is still alive, and actively searching, he could show up in Las Nevadas at any moment. 

He settles down on the edge of the bed, the urge to flee dissolving, hand resting over the note in his pocket. The sheets are still soft. Not as soft as the ones he shares with Wilbur, but soft all the same. What would they say, if they could see him now? Would they be proud, like weird Karl is? Would they be pissed that he moved on? That he’s happy with Wilbur? 

Questions, all unanswerable, buzz around in Quackity’s head. Outside the world continues on, without his ex-fiances. The snow continues to fall; the stars continue to brighten overhead. He can only do the same, feet carrying him out the door and away from the life he was never meant to live.

[weebsinstash]

Hey I know this might be uncalled for and idk much about anything, but I found the last post in your personal blog talking about your trip kind of alarming. It sounds like you’re putting a lot of effort to an important friend, but from your posts, the entire situation just seems fishy. I’m sorry if I sound rude, I’m just concerned because you mentioned the other friend won’t make it and you’ll be alone with this guy far from home, and he doesn’t have any plans to take you around (which a lot of times, hanging out and sight-seeing doesn’t really require money, if any at all). I really hope that if you decide to go you’ll have an amazing time but at this point, but I’m afraid you’re kinda setting yourself up for disappointment? And I really hope I’m not rude by saying this. Again, you’re putting a lot of care and money into this trip so at this point you should think twice and consider going somewhere else and have fun by yourself.

I was wondering why you would ask over here but then I suddenly remembered I turned off anon on my main blog ages ago so that's on me 💀 you aren't being rude dont worry haha, its nice to know people care enough about me to express concern

For context for you guys who just know me over here, I recently reconnected with an old online friend I knew like 9 years ago and he kind of just invited me up for a visit with him and another online friend i knew during the same time period who also lives in his area on a whim because, life is short, the pandemic has been hell, people have died and drifted apart and all that, and I was really happy because he used to be a big pillar of support for me back in the day (the other friend too) and I thought "hey, taking a trip could be really good for me, im already super depressed lmao" but being invited up quickly turned into 1. Other friend can't make it 2. I have to provide my own lodging aka paying for motel which is expensive 3. He doesn't drive so I have to be taking a rideshare service to travel like 6 miles to his place and back to my hotel 4. I knew he was, earning a scholarship and such but he dropped on me today after I've already scheduled everything that he's been a full time student with no income so like, we really won't even be able to do basic shit like go out to eat or see a movie unless I pay for everything and that's on top of already spending like $1k on traveling and the motel alone

My mom is trying to talk me out of going and, I will be honest and say I'm really upset with his communication. He invited me in a really sincere way but this entire process has been a nightmare. Like I figured since I'm, you know, having to pay for a passport and travel to Canada, that we would be able to like sightsee and maybe check out the local food and try poutine but the only activities he has suggested so far is hiking (which is fine that sounds fun) and idk listening to music on subwoofers in his room in the house he shares with like 3 other men and doing shrooms. Like dude I love this guy like a brother but he really kind of should have told me he was quote "extremely poor" before I shelled out the cash to take 8 days out of my schedule, two of those which I'm going to be travelling the entire day, literally my departure day is gonna be 4am to 7pm nothing but travel and similar on the day back

But also like. He was there for me a lot of the times I needed it when I was younger, he supported me and did nice things for me, so I feel I owe him even if I didn't want to go, which I do like trust me I still want to see him. Yeah this isn't ideal but, it could still be something really good for the both of us. I trust him not to be creepy with me and you know, he's been through some really hard stuff too (for you followers over here, he is the same friend I mentioned the other day who basically lost use of his dominant hand in a work accident). Yeah it seems kind of iffy now but I could go and have a great time. And if not, if we don't click, and it's super awkward, then yeah I'm going to be extremely hardcore depressed by myself in a foreign country but I'll have my own hotel room so I can have my own space and do my own things until I crawl back home. I'll actually be in the Niagara Falls/St Catharines area of Ontario so, I figure, if I'm forced to make the best of a bad situation, there should be plenty of opportunities by myself due to the tourism :)

But yeah I'm still really nervous and I'm disappointed and anxious about this trip and I still have to pay for my passport and this is kind of coming at not the best time but,, I'm looking forward to this and so is he so, I think everything will be OK. And if not then I'll be super heartbroken and never want to trust anyone again because no one else will be familiar with me and accept me the way he has and if i don't have that then I might as well not even exist lol :)

[whumperooni]

Thinking about Touya-nii.

(tw incest; tw drugs; tw withdrawal; tw angst; tw OD mention (not Touya); a general theme of "this is a fucked up relationship but that's not the point"; tw Rooni just woke up so grammar and spelling might not be stellar)

Thinking about Touya-nii.

Dope sick and shaking in bed. Miserable with tears running down his cheeks and bloody scratches all down his arms and chest. A fucking wreck that begs you "please" as you gently clean the sweat from his forehead with a wet rag. Pathetic and pitiable and, god, it hurts so much to see because Touya-nii is not pathetic and miserable- he's confident and wily and full of pride and he's not- he's not-

He's not the broken man that stammers out pleas. His anger is more fierce than the rough, rasped out "you fucking little bitch" he hurls out at you when you refuse to let him leave and get the H he's craving. He's handsome- not needle marked and not tear stained and not quite so skinny that his ribs poke out enough to make your heart break and your throat close up in panic. He's unflappable and he doesn't twitch and jerk at every little sound, look around the room in a wide eyed panic.

He's...he's not this.

And it terrifies you, because you love the nii-san that you know and you don't want to lose him.

And you feel like you are going to lose him to this- this shadow of a man before you. This wretch that you can't even recognize.

But he's getting clean for you.

And you could never not love your nii-san- the big brother that bullied you and teased you but also punched dad right in the face when he found him shoving you against the living room wall and screaming bloody murder; the big brother that you let you bandage him quietly whenever he came home with scrapes and scratches; the big brother that would drift in and out of your life and give you presents, take you out, show you life outside of the Todoroki compound; the big brother that never expected you to live up to impossible standards and let you fuck up so you could learn for yourself and showed you how to really take care of yourself out in the real world.

He gave you your first beer. He taught you how to drive. He showed you how to sneak out of the Todoroki house silently and how to sneak back in without being caught. He talked you through all the different ways you can smoke weed and monitored all the times you've had it, carefully helped you try acid once and even shrooms- never anything harder and, god, he had snuffed out any curiosities about them when he had made you stay to watch Jin OD'ing at a party; Jin had lived but it had been terrifying and you had made Touya-nii teach you how to take care of him just in case anything happened to him and-

He gave you your first kiss, your first fuck not long after that- he gave you everything.

And you...you have to give him everything in return now. You have to help him, love him, look into the future without fear because-

Because he's doing this for you.

And even if he's not the same Touya-nii after this that's...

That's okay. It's your turn to be the strong one- to be the rock. And maybe...maybe he'll be happier after this- he has to be, right?- and that-

You have to hold onto that hope. You have to hold onto the promises he had made- that once he's through this the two of you will move away and live together; that the two of you will have a new life without the Todoroki name weighing you down and that the two of you can do anything- be anyone you want to be- and that you both can live in peace and love together and maybe one day- maybe- you can start your own family.

And the rosy, desperate hope that comes from that is enough to keep you firm and steady. It keeps you refusing him when he begs for just a little ice or H or anything. It keeps you awake while he's shaking in his sleep and it keeps you from breaking down when he breaks down.

It keeps you from giving into the quiet voice that keeps whispering in your mind that you can give him just a little, that you know how to do it safely- he had taught you how to do it.

It would be easy to give in. It's so fucking tempting to give in, to let yourself and your big brother backslide into the comfort and safety of a reality you already know.

But you can't do that to him. You can't not help him when he was the one that set you free.

He's your Touya-nii and you love him. You'll drag him through this hell and out the other side and then...

Then maybe things will be okay. Maybe things will be even better and you'll be even more in love.

And that's a thought to keep you warm, to keep you smiling softly even as you brush the tears away from your big brother's cheeks.

[cap-ironman]

2019 Cap-Iron Man Holiday Exchange and Community Gifts Creators Reveals & Masterpost

This year we had 68 wonderful works submitted for our event! Thank you all very much for participating in all kinds of ways: writing, arting, submitting the prompts for the Community Gifts, cheerleading the creators, and beta-reading! We hope you had lots of fun. And here, finally, is the full event masterlist revealing the creators of each work! Please remember to mind the tags and warnings at each individual work page, and leave kudos and comments on the works you've enjoyed! ★ And she saw the case, but she saw him first by Lets_call_me_Lily for ishipallthings (3490/Noir, Art)

Natasha Stark, head of Stark Investigations. Taking on hopeless cases, and sometimes giving hope in return.

★ Antoine Stargaze by HogwartsToAlexandria for frosted_astronaut (MCU AU, 2049 Words)

Where boys are smitten, and Natasha nudges Steve just enough.

★ Beautiful Lie by jayjayverse for SweetFanfics (Ults, 8560 Words)

Antonia Stark breaks with all the conceptions Steve has about women. She is everything he never thought he wanted or desire in a person, in fact he didn't even consider her waking up in this century, she was simply a teammate.

★ beautiful stranger by ohjustpeachy for ShadowsintheClouds (MCU, 2198 words)

Both Tony and Steve grow up thinking the other is dead. When they first meet in Avengers 1 there are tears and everyone is really confused until they realize that the two are soulmates.

★ Blank Spaces by only_more_love for starksnack (MCU,  3023 Words)

Steve discovers that not everything in this unfamiliar century he's woken up in is bad. Maybe there's a place for him in it, after all.

★ Brewed Awakening by iam93percentstardust for  Nixie_DeAngel (MCU, 16545 Words)

Two years after he comes out of the ice, Steve is drifting through life. On his teammate's recommendation, he decides to go back to school where he meets the grandson of an old friend. He finds happiness with Tony but Steve won't be in Boston forever and someone is out to hurt the Starks. Will Steve and Tony be able to reach their happily ever after?

★ By Any Name by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU AU, 1017 Words)

The world of spies is not kind on love.

★ Compatibility, Interrupted by MK_Yujji for Areiton (MCU, 2177 Words)

Steve gave up on soulmates after his transformation. He certainly didn't expect to find his in the future.

★ Even After All Those Years? by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (Noir, 743 Words)

Their eyes meet across the crowd. They never thought they would ever see each other again.

★ Everything Goes to Hell Anyway by dirigibleplumbing for navaan (1872, 15796 Words)

A visitor to Timely is killed, and Tony is the main suspect. Steve has no doubt of Tony’s innocence, but more strangers still are in town looking for a mysterious book, and Mayor Fisk’s boys are up to no good. It isn't long before everything goes to hell.

★ A Farm for the Horny and the Desperate by HogwartsToAlexandria for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, 1738 Words)

The one where Tony walks in on Steve masturbating at Clint's farm.

★ from your secret santa by avengersincamphalfbloodstardis for SevereLove51 (MCU, 4775 Words)

The year is 2012 and all of the Avengers have moved into the tower. The holidays are coming up and it's the perfect time for each teammate to get to know another as well as they can. So of course, they do secret santa. When Tony gets Steve, he panics. How is he supposed to find a gift for the amazing Captain America?

★ For Science by HogwartsToAlexandria for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, 1334 Words)

For the comm prompt- After a not-so-great night out with a girl, Steve confides to Tony that he thinks he’s not a very good kisser. Tony, of course, offers to practice with him.

★ Giddy-up Cowgirl by CaughtAGhost for Cap Iron Man Community (1872, Art)

A community fill for: "genderbent AU in a more idyllic West, though Steve still struggles with the responsibilities of sheriff and Tony is even more underestimated as the town's drunk blacksmith"

★ the heart of this flower imagines by diskarte for MK_Yujji (MCU AU, 4269 Words)

Steve isn’t really paying attention to anything when something red catches his eye: a petal. He looks down at his lap and picks it up. He’s contemplating the petal, glancing around to see where it could’ve come from, when an unfamiliar feeling wells up inside him and he coughs. He hasn’t coughed in years, not after the serum. He looks down. On his lap: more petals.

★ here comes the sun by Nasa for hundredthousands (MCU, 6884 words)

Steve and Tony meet at Woodstock. It's not the smoothest of starts for their friendship.

★ Hidden Words by ShadowsintheClouds for Padraigen (MCU, 17854 words)

In a world where someone's soul name is held in great regard, Steve is forced to grow up hiding his, lest he and his soulmate get hurt for it. He tries his best to keep things hidden, but when he goes into the ice and braces for death he inadvertently reveals his soul name to those who find him years later. Will Steve have to continue hiding or will he finally get a chance at safety and happiness

★ hologram blue by laireshi for navaan (616, 2069 Words)

During the Superhero Civil War, Tony gets haunted by hallucinations of Steve.

★ A Hook-Up by navaan for Sadisticsparkle (Noir, 1250 Words)

Private Rogers is looking for a bit of male company and gets more than he bargained for.

★ The Hot Guy Has A Tail? by betheflame for BeenAsleepFor70Years (MCU AU, 1506 Words)

Tony was used to hallucinating. Well, maybe not used to it, but certainly not unfamiliar with it. But he hadn’t taken any shrooms in days, and he’d actually slept more than 2 hours the night before, so the logical conclusion to what he was seeing was that it was actually happening. The hot guy he’d been ogling from his Intro to Western Civ class for months was in the pool. And he had a tail. The hot guy from Western Civ had a tail.

★ I Saw Cap Kissing Santa Claus by Mizzy for Cathalinaheart (616, 7222 Words)

When Tony dressed as Santa for Queen County Hospital's annual toy drive, he wasn't expecting Steve to recognize him...as Iron Man.

★ I still like your smile (even if it's filled with teeth) by Sadisticsparkle (sadisticsparkle) for diabla616 (616, 6186 Words)

It has been a lifetime since Tony last saw the Mansion and the Avengers, but his relationship with Steve is as confusing as ever. They're still sleeping together, they're still officially friends and now he's lost in a magical forest with a wolf tracking his every move. He hates magic.

★ In the Comfort of Your Arms by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Gryvon (MCU, Art)

Steve and Tony take a few days to themselves after a hard battle.

★ Inevitable Outcome by cptxrogers for Cap Iron Man Community (Ults, 2499 Words)

Tony can't believe that his team has locked him in a closet with Steve, ostensibly to relieve the sexual tension between them. He's surprised they would stoop that low, but he's even more surprised that Steve seems to be up for it.

★ Jurassic times call for Jurassic measures by Fluffypanda for marumo (Avengers Assemble, 3544 Words)

A trip to the Savage Land goes very, very wrong.

★ last call by gottalovev for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, 5640 Words)

Tony didn’t prepare for Steve calling first. It's been thirteen months, why now?

★ lead up the garden path by gottalovev for nasa (1872, 5261 Words)

They cannot live openly, but Sheriff Steve Rogers has found love with Tony Stark, Timely's blacksmith and inventor. He thought everything was going well, until their friend Carol Danvers comes back from Washington with her sister Jessica and everything changes.

★ Locker-Room Revelations by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, 336 Words)

Tony finds out a secret of Steve's in the locker-room.

★ March 10th, 1964 by SmileAndASong for Cap Iron Man Community (616, 1704 Words)

There’s a cake in the fridge. It’s beautiful, at least three layers high, and with an intricate red, white, and blue frosting pattern that perfectly emulates a certain shield. It’s very obvious that it’s for Steve. But why?

★ Media Blitz by Nixie_DeAngel for Fluffypanda (MCU, 1378 words)

“Well, if I hadn’t, Pep pot, we wouldn’t we be reliving the weirdest two weeks of my life. Again,” Tony points out. “And really, that’s saying something considering last year you, Nat, and I got sent to that pleasure planet with bird boys one and two.” “We agreed that would never be spoken of again,” she cuts in, eyes sharpening into a fierce glare. Or, reason number 3 on why Pepper Potts shoulder never be allowed to have a vacation that allows for a media black out while she lounges on a beach by herself.

★ Mistletoe Smoochin’ by BeenAsleepFor70Years for zappedbysnow (AA, Art)

Some mistletoe business between the best boys for zappedbysnow! Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas!

★ A New Day [Art] by Cachette for afincf_tirwer (MCU, Art)

Steve has always seen in greys and blacks. Even before the ice the colours never developed fully, there were hints of colours, mostly blue or red, Bucky's eyes, Peggy's lips but he never saw anything like what was described in the books. The first colour he sees in the 21st century is the bright red and gold of Iron Man, sleek, futuristic and a total mystery.

★ Of matchmaking and failure by afincf_tirwer for iam93percentstardust (MCU AU, 4085 Words)

When the new art teacher arrives, Peter Parker and his friends think he'd make a great match for the school's physics teacher Tony Stark. However, as their plans progress, some things are revealed that throw a wrench in the works and set them up for embarrassment.

★ oh baby I can't even explain by muchmoremajestic for Neverever (AA, 10583 Words)

Prompt: Steve and Tony dance around each other, wanting to ask each other out on a first date, but things keep getting in the way from the random invasions on campus to each of them being nervous/getting in their own way. Or: The five times Steve and Tony tried to ask each other out, and the one time they finally got it together.

★ one may smile and be a villain by CaughtAGhost for jayjayverse (616, Art)

Fill for the prompt: Captain Hydra happens, Tony doesn't go on coma and fight against him. The avengers won, Steve is in prison and Tony decide to erase Hydra before what they did to Steve (and he didnt being capable to find a way to make Steve come back), so he go to every compound of Hydra and destroy them. Until he find something. The archives with all the fail subjects are in one computer, it’s just a little suspicious line of “code names” and information of what happened every single clone, all dead at some stage of growth and then bumps into the last file, still active, shows the background and there is no estimate of life as in the other files, Tony looks for the place where this clone is, flies and destroy everything, take the little baby he found and fly away from there. When Steve (the real one) comes back, a lot of time had passed, the avengers are led by Carol, Tony is an AI and Steve needs to get used to everything one more time.

★ pants on fire by nanasekei  for talesofsuspense (MCU, 9630 Words)

“Look, I’m not thrilled by the prospect of spending my day here either," Nick said, "but there’s no postponing this. We can’t give them a chance to combine stories.” “Right,” Hill said. “And I’m sure they’ll all be very…cooperative.” “Hope you didn’t have any dinner plans." Hill’s sigh mirrored his own so much it was unnerving. “Okay.” She leaned forward and pressed a button on his desk. “Send in the first one.”

★ Patron of the Arts by BladeoftheNebula for diskarte (MCU, 2258 Words)

Steve meets a handsome stranger at an art show.

★ the perfect date by IronSwordStarShield (SweetFanfics) for Cap Iron Man Community (616, 5638 Words)

Tony needs an alpha to be his date for a fancy shing-ding. He asks Steve, who says yes. And then Tony's heat strikes early.

★ Phish Food and Cheez Whiz by starksnack for HogwartsToAlexandria (MCU AU, 2584 Words)

Tony's afraid he'll be a bad father, Steve disagrees. + they have sex.

★ Possession by marumo for meshkol (616, Art)

Prompt "Hydra/Villain Steve decides he wants Iron Man, by any means necessary."

★ Presents by Neverever for BladeoftheNebula (1872, 2648 Words)

For their first Christmas together, Sheriff Rogers doesn't know what to get his partner, Mr. Stark.

★ Public Displays of Affection by navaan for Westernwood11 (616, 2265 Words)

It's not a good day when AIM and Hydra come for them at the same time... Things get away from them in the heat of the moment.

★ ride [FANART] by cap_ironman_event_mod for Blaithin (616, Art)

stevetony motorbike gang au

★ Save Your Kisses For Me by ishipallthings for avengersincamphalfbloodstardis (MCU, 3197 Words)

It’s nearly Christmas, and Steve Rogers’ biggest problem is that he’s terrible at keeping his new relationship with Tony under wraps. Oh, and he still needs to find the perfect Christmas present for Tony. That is, until Tony gets hurt on a mission without Steve. Then Steve has a new problem.

★ Say It First by talesofsuspense for SmileAndASong (Ults, 1788 Words)

Steve doesn’t know how to say what he wants, but Tony knows what he means anyway.

★ Shakey-Shake Globe Land by starksnack for Cap Iron Man Community (AU, ART)

Have some art! Happy holidays!!!

★ A Shove in the Right Direction by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, 877 Words)

Everyone was sick of it, but he was the only one ready to do something about it.

★ Snow Bunnies by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (616, 1500 Words)

Steve finds a way to get some fun out of a winter chore.

★ Snow Wolf by talesofsuspense for Cap Iron Man Community (Any, Art)

Capwolf having fun in the snow.

★ The Soldier and the Man of Iron by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU AU, 202 Words)

Steve is a wounded soldier looking for his lost brother. He stumbles across Stark Tower looking for shelter.

★ Steve's Secret by Neverever for Cachette (MCU, 2911Words)

Steve has been sketching Tony since they met. But Steve will never have a chance with Tony, who is so far out of his league. Even though Tony seems to really like his new sweaters.

★ Strings Attach, We Conquer by HogwartsToAlexandria for betheflame (MCU AU, 7235 Words)

Steve and Tony have been together and mated for about a year when the questions of their pack become a little more - too - insistent and it's time to lift the veil on a secret that has led all of them to wrongly presume of their bond. Decisions and celebrations happen.

★ Take me away, I don't mind by diabla616 for gezhu (Ults, 2359 words)

Steve hates the 21st Century - it's lonely and he's still not over what he's lost from his own time. So when the Ultimates missions keep throwing the possibility of time-travel into his day, well, he has to try. Or: all the times Steve tried to use a villain's time-travel device to go back to the past, and the one time he chose to stay in the future.

★ Through the Drinking Glass by Cathalinaheart for gottalovev (1872, 1820 words)

It's the anniversary of Bucky's death and a drunk Sheriff shows up at Tony's door in the middle of the night.

★ A Timely Rescue by vorkosigan for Cap Iron Man Community (1872, 8341  words)

Tony saves Steve's life, but if neither of them says anything about how they feel about each other, Steve will stay in Timely and Tony will fly away to gallivant among the stars, and they may never see each other again. A Firefly AU.

★ Tony, Do You Want My Eggplant? (art) by zappedbysnow for DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) (MCU, Art)

Cap was advised to try gardening for therapy. Now everyone reaps the fruits of his harvest. Especially Tony.

★ the truth, ugly and beautiful by Areiton for alexcat (MCU, 3048 Words)

The truth, ugly and beautiful, is that you loved him.    You love him still.    The truth, ugly and beautiful, is that love was never enough.

★ An Unspeakable Choice by meshkol (ashernorton) for CaughtAGhost (616, 9674 Words)

When Tony and Steve are kidnapped after a mission goes wrong, they are given an unimaginable choice: the death of innocents, or the death of one of them.

★ Untitled by hundredthousands for only_more_love (MCU, 1329 Words)

Tony would say he’s used to seeing himself, but something about this is different.

★ Waiting for You by alexcat for GotTheSilver (MCU, 2559  words)St

eve missed Tony and Tony missed Steve. What if Steve called first?

★ We Did It by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, Art)

When the dust settled and all the fighting was done, they met each other in the middle of all the destruction, coming together after all those years.

★ We'll Cross Paths Again by SevereLove51 for ohjustpeachy (MCU AU, 1930 Words)

Tony Stark is a successful business after he inherited his father’s business. He is invited to a masquerade party hosted by Justin Hammer. As he’s there, he noticed that the bartender looks oddly similar to his high school sweetheart that broke his heart.

★ What Are Friends For by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU AU, 714 Words)

Professor Stark has a crush on the University's new Professor.

★ What the Textbooks Never Told by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (616, 433 Words)

History has a habit of omitting the darker parts of what makes the worlds heroes

★ Where Your Heart Is by gryvon for nanasekei MCU AU, 2582 Words)

Steve has an instant crush on the new kid.

★ The Wings of our Hearts by DarthBloodOrange (DepressingGreenie) for Cap Iron Man Community (MCU, 1278 Words)

Steve and Tony are cursed with wings. Neither of them handle it well.

★ Winin' and Dinin' the Sheriff (Without the Wine) by SmileAndASong for dirigibleplumbing (1872, 4362 Words)

In one night, Tony is finally going to do something that he’s wanted to for a long time. And he'll be something he hasn’t been in an even longer time. It’s a mighty tall order, but if it wins him the heart of the dashing Sheriff Rogers, it’ll be worth it.

★ Your Mind and Your Heart by GotTheSilver for muchmoremajestic (MCU, 7930 Words)

When Tony asks him what he wants for his birthday at the Fourth party he’s throwing, Steve shrugs and says “to get laid,” without even thinking about it. “You—excuse me?” “Shit, I didn’t mean—” Steve can feel his cheeks flush with heat as he realises what he’s said. “Ignore that, really, I’ve had some of Thor’s mead and I—” “That’s a cute excuse, but I know you’ve been drinking Mojitos and, unless Erskine’s science was very very wrong, those don’t affect you. So,” Tony hops up on the counter, the muscles in his arms flexing as he does. “No dice.” “Is there any way I can get you to drop this?”

Were your guesses right? Are you surprised at something? You can post your reactions to the guessing post! And finally, if you participated in the event, feel free to post your work wherever you want now! We will be reblogging every tumblr post tagged with #capimexchange in one of the first five tags. Thank you for a great event, 2019 Holiday Exchange and Community Gifts mods

[along-came-atsushi]

Novel Recap: Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam

Prologue & Chapter 1

Man, it’s been some time since I’ve started this little series. And originally I wanted to do Dark Era first. But since 2020 has been a shit year so far I’m not in the mood to read even more depressing stuff. So, I decided for something a little brighter.

Also: “Recap”, that was the word I was looking for, after I failed to come up with a proper name lol.

As most of you probably already know the first light novel is the original story from season 1, episodes 6 & 7. But it’s without Atsushi, since Atsushi hasn’t been introduced as a main character yet. They also gave some of Dazai’s original lines to Atsushi, which I think is not the best decision, since it alters the characterization. There are also some heavy differences between the novel and its anime counterpart. I personally prefer the novel.

But anyway, let’s get started, we’re inside Kunikida’s mind the whole time. This is going to be fun.

The prologue begins with Kunikida explaining what his ideals are, how he met his ideals, why he married his ideals, and when he plans to have babies with his ideals.

My name is Doppo Kunikida, an idealist who lives in reality, a realist who pursues ideals.

I have this stupid mug I bought back when I started studying. It will now forever remind me of Kunikida:

And this is a record of the struggles between a man who yearns for the realization of ideals and a new hire destined to interfere with them.

The following interference of ideals took place between 5 pm and 6 pm [ding ding]

Also here are some interesting excerpts from his ideals...notebook...diary... ideals-diary. I’m gonna call it that now:

Takekoshi came to my house. We took a stroll under the moonlight together.

Ha, gAAAAAAAAYYYY.

I ate a pear. It wasn’t sweet.

Then why did you eat it in the first place????

The story continues to turn into a beginning of a Brooklyn 99 episode, but it’s with Dazai and Kunikida chasing some random thief. Come to think about it, isn’t the ADA supposed to take only cases the police can’t deal with? Guess the police in the BSD universe is even more incompetent than I thought.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s all according to plan. More importantly, guess what I just saw.”

“I don’t care!”

“It’s this incredibly rare book called ‘The Complete Suicide’. I’ve been searching all over for it, and I just noticed it on display in the used bookstore back there-- Ah! I have to go back and buy it before someone else does.”

And that’s how Dazai met the love of his life. Can we also talk about that the title “The Complete Suicide” sounds rather strange? Especially when I translate it into German: “Der Komplette Selbstmord”. Oh god, fuck off, book!

But no matter how twisted my partner’s interests are, no matter how much he tries to sabotage the mission, I will not allow the criminal to escape for failure is not written in my schedule.

“For failure is not written in my schedule.” -> That is an awesome and inspiring quote. I want it on a t-shirt. Or on another mug.

After a chase through a crowd of people they’re able to catch the thief, thanks to Kunikida’s ability and Dazai’s... uh... plan.

One resident speaks up. “J-just who are you people?”

I whip out my detective license and hold it up in the air so everyone can see.

“There is no need for concern. We’re with the Armed Detective Agency.”

[Brooklyn 99 intro starts playing]

.

And that’s it for the prologue! On to chapter 1:

8th

It rained this morning. A quiet shower, but frigid like the depth of winter. I yearn to live for my ideals. I strive for my ideals. I move forward without fear, without fatigue, without hesitation. Neither dreams nor honor will be pursued--for how euphoric it an be to solely devote oneself to quotidian tasks.

Why does this sound like the lyrics to an Evanescence song? *sad Amy Lee voice* Frigiiiii~d like the depth of wiiiiiii~nteeeee~r

Also... Kunikida, you must be a blast to have on a date. No wonder the women swoon over you.

But despite its [the building of the ADA] appearance, it’s so sturdily built that even machine-gun artillery fire from the outside wouldn’t cause any damage to the interior. That may sound oddly specific, but it’s happened to us.

*nods heavily* Sounds like completely normal work hazards to me, don’t know what you’re talking about.

Kunikida tells us that he checks his schedule many times. Like... really many times. Probably also while using the bathroom. I don’t know if this is a normal behaviour, but okay. So he goes to work and finds Dazai being high thanks to shrooms, dancing around in the office, to everyone’s demise.

“Whoa there’s a giant sea anemone outside the window, Kunikida! A banana... It’s eating a banana! And it’s even removing the white stringy bits!”

Yes, this man is a terrifying genius and an ex-Port Mafia executive.

Man, I should try these mushrooms one day, too. Dazai’s visions really sound entertaining.

I pour coffee into my mug as I always do.

I really hope we share the same mug, Kunikida! Don’t disappoint me!

But now, I don’t want to hide my all time fav quote from Dazai from you:

“Oh, I’ve got it. I need to take off my clothes. I need to get naked to get higher ratings! It’s simple, really! Let us undress! After that, we can all put on full-body thighs, go to the bank, and dance the hopak!”

Yes, this man is a terrifying genius and an ex-Port Mafia executive.

I land a roundhouse kick to the back of Dazai’s head, knocking him against the wall and rendering him unconscious.

Everyone in the ADA after that:

.

We’re told how Kunikida and Dazai met and the day he was introduced as a new employee into the ADA

In that moment, I suddenly sense a cold, piercing light in his eyes, as if he were calmly evaluating his senior--no, as if he were staring into my very soul through the eyes of a heavenly, enlightened sage. [...] Was I seeing things? Could my mind have been playing tricks on me?

Dazai uses Leer. It’s very effective.

If you only know the anime version, than you completely missed the fact that Fukuzawa and Kunikida had a conversation about Dazai. They both realize that there must be something wrong about his alleged background, because it doesn’t quite add up. And then there is also the fact that his ability is extremely dangerous.

“I would like you to bring Dazai with you while you work and see if he can be trusted. If you ever feel he could be an emissary, intelligence operative, or spy of some sort, then you are to fire him without hesitation. However, if you sense any sign of wickedness in his heart...”

The president takes a black automatic pistol out from a bag behind him, then presents it to me.

You do not fuck with shachou and his family.

.

The next day they meet with a teenage hacker boy called Rokuzu, because the ADA received an anonymous email requesting them to investigate a haunted building. And since neither the Ghostbusters nor the Winchester brothers reside in Yokohoma that task also falls into the ADA’s hands.

“Anyway, it’s not like you to be late. What, were you on a ‘date’ or something?”

He makes a circle with one hand and shoves a finger in it with the other.

Typical teenage boy behaviour.

“Sorry to disappoint, but I only plan on going on dates with the woman I marry. And according to the ‘Future Plans’ page in my notebook [...] it’s going to be another six years before I get married.”

“Hold up. You already got a girl you’re gonna marry?”

“Not for another four years.”

Thank god, we live in times with apps like tinder and stuff, so we can all schedule our marriage and dating plans.

The next things happen pretty much the same as in the anime. They ask the teenage hacker boy to look up the sender of the mail, they meet with the taxi driver who tells them about the abduction of several people, Dazai tries to Tokyo Drift but fails miserably (which wasn’t shown in the anime) and then they investigate the haunted building, which turns out to be an abandoned hospital. They do this in the middle of the night, of course.

Oh, and Kunikida is absolutely terrified of ghosts. *deep voice* You’re in Silent Hill, son.

They hear a scream for help and run to the rescue, just in time to find a woman named Sasaki almost drowning in a tank. Thankfully she gets rescued by these two gentlemen, otherwise it may have been the end for her.

Aside from Dazai’s overcoat, she’s nearly naked and soaking wet in the middle of the night.

Damn, that poor woman. She must be freezing.

Her hands tightly wrapped around her elbows and her legs stretched out on the floor are especially delicate.

Uuuhhh.... Kunikida? Dunno if this is the right moment to-

The clothes clinging to her body sketch the outline of an alluring figure.

This man needs a hug.

I feel almost as if I could see through her remarkably fine porcelain skin.

Maybe a little bit more than just a hug.

Wet hair clings to her nape as water drips onto her chest.

Kunikida STAHP!

I avert my gaze for absolutely no reason.

“absolutely no reason” -> PFFFFFFFF. Sasaki tells them that there are other people trapped here and wants to lead Dazai and Kunikida to them.

“... Wait.” I place a hand on Miss Sasaki’’s shoulder, stopping her. “Dazai, what do you think?”

“The way she’s dressed makes me feel things,” he says with a straight face.

“Be serious.!”

“with a straight face” -> so no feeling things at all? Dazai stop playing straight already. Even Kunikida doesn’t buy it anymore.

Anyways Dazai thinks Sasaki’s story is a little bit too convenient. They’re searching for the other victims trapped here, but when they find them it’s already too late, since a poison gas trap somehow activates and they have to retreat.

[carnalpleasure]

Part 2 of hospital!jim x reader 🏩 i didnt plan on writing a part two so lets see where this goes!!

warnings: drug mention, hospital mention, lots of angst?

Cupid & Psych

You and Jim spent the rest of the night talking. He filled you in on what life was like in Palos Verdes. It was vastly different from your life in Santa Monica, even though the cities were only 40 minutes away from each other.

You chose to live in Santa Monica though. Poor Jim never had a choice when his parents moved him and his twin sister to the most stuck up city in LA county. The locals guarded their beaches more fiercely than wolf packs guard their territory. A rabid wolf wouldn’t stand a chance against a PV soccer mom.

Santa Monica was the polar opposite. It proudly shared its shore with the misfits of Venice Beach. They had everything from ferris wheels and roller coasters to freak shows and street performers. The residents were just as unique and eccentric as the city.

Almost every building was covered in street art. Some of it legal, most of it not. But all of it was beautiful to you. That’s why you chose to run away here.

But restarting your life didn’t bring you the kind of excitement and freedom you thought it would. No matter where you moved, your demons packed their emotional baggage and came too. And that’s how you ended up in the emergency room of the UCLA Health Center.

Jim talked for hours about his adventures with the Bay Boys. They were his only escape from his hellish home life. He idolized a few of them. Not just for their surfing skills, but for their freedom and their pride.

They didn’t care when some pissed off old people started yelling at them to get off the cliffs. Or when angry locals threatened to call the cops on them for playing their music too loud. They didn’t worry, they just flipped them off and partied harder.

But the best thing about hanging with the boys? They always had something around to take the edge off. Liquor, pills, weed, it didn’t matter. He wanted to try it all. And he did. And that’s how he ended up in the emergency room of the UCLA Health Center.

You’d had plenty of your own experiences with drugs. Anyone could walk down the Venice strip and easily meet some old hippie holding shrooms, acid, oxy... whatever the vice, it could be found in Venice. So for every shameful drug induced story he shared with you, you had one to match. And he was so relieved to have someone he could relate to.

The two of you quickly came to realize how many similarities you shared. You were the same age, although he was a few months older. You both loved being in the ocean, even in the winter. You both had neurotic moms and absent dads who preferred their new families. You were both young, lost, alone, and looking for a way out.

Your family was just as dysfunctional as his. Chaos had always surrounded your home like a curse and you got away from there the first chance you got. And now you avoided them like a virus.

But Jim wasn’t so lucky. Tomorrow he would be going back home to take care of his manic depressive mother. And he’d have to put on a brave face for his sister, even though he thought she was so much stronger than he was.

“She has it hard too,” his said with a frown. “My mom treats her like shit.. because she’s young, I guess?” he shrugged, sighing softly. “I don’t know. But it’s different. My mom puts pressure on her to look nice. Yeah, that sucks. But she’s got me doing everything with her now,” he groaned.

You were both lying in your beds now. There was barely a foot of space separating the beds, but you were both lying on the very edges, as close as you could possibly get to each other.

He was lying curled up in a relaxed fetal position, his face resting comfortably on the pillow and his hands tucked under. And you were lying on your side, propped up on your elbow to get a better view of him.

You were mindlessly playing with your hair, running your hands through the length of it and curling it around your fingers. You didn’t notice yourself doing it, but he couldn’t take his eyes off you.

You could see his eyes getting sleepy now. His blinks becoming slower, more drawn out as he fought to keep them open. Neither of you wanted to fall asleep tonight. It was like an unspoken agreement. You just kept taking turns talking to try to keep each other up.

“It’s not easy being.. Mommy’s Favorite,” he said sarcastically, cringing at the name and pouting.

“It’s like a full time fucking job.. all these new responsibilities. I’m paying bills and balancing checkbooks and I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing.”

You could see him getting worked up. He was talking faster, his brows furrowed, and his bottom lip trembled. There was so much anger in his eyes but he looked like he just wanted to cry.

“I’m not ready,” his voice cracked.

Without thinking, you immediately got up from your bed and crawled into his. He slid back to make room for you, holding the lightweight blanket open until you were safely tucked away under it with him.

He pulled you into his arms from behind and you curled into his body. He broke down the instant he got his arms around you. You could hear his quiet sobs as he buried his face in your neck. You could feel his tears softly rolling down your skin.

He was holding you so tight, his whole body formed to match the curve of yours. You turned to roll over so you could face him. He quickly hid his face in your chest, and you held it close, running your fingers through his hair and up and down his neck softly.

That seemed to soothe him pretty quick. After a few minutes of lying with his head pressed to your chest, listening to your heartbeat, feeling your fingertips on his skin.. his breathing relaxed and his tears stopped.

The feeling of your fingertips brushing against his skin made him feel better than any high. You kissed the top of his head and he thought his heart was going to burst through his chest.

When he finally got all the tears out, his eyes fluttered up at you to gauge your reaction. He’d never cried in front of a girl before, besides his sister. He was basically trained to put on a happy face all the time and never show any unpleasant emotions. He almost felt mortified for letting you see him like that.

You just smiled down at him lovingly and let him wrap himself around you. His legs intertwined with yours and he rested his head on your chest. He closed his eyes, and you thought he might finally drift off to sleep. But he took a deep breath and quietly continued.

“She keeps calling me the man of the house.” He sounded so sad the way he said it. He needed to vent and you were the first person he felt comfortable enough sharing any of this with.

He couldn’t even talk like this with Medina anymore. She didn’t treat him the same anymore. She treated him more like a kid. It felt like she was always judging him now. For his choices, his habits, his friends. He always felt like he disappointed her.

“Really-“ he hesitated before finishing his thought, looking up at you nervously. You kissed the tip of his nose and that was more than enough to comfort him. “Really.. I think she’s just using me as a stand in for the husband she can’t let go of..”

He said it so quietly. There was fear in his eyes. It was the first time he’d ever admitted it to himself or to anyone. He could never say it out loud because it made him feel so guilty to think about his mom that way.

You ran your fingers lazily up and down his back, dragging your nails gently. You just wanted to take his mind off everything somehow. Give him a distraction. A different feeling to focus on.

His hospital gown was loosely tied at the top. You tugged on one of the strings until the knot unraveled and the back of his gown fell open, exposing his sun-kissed skin.

His muscles were firm and toned from all the paddling against the waves. Yet his skin was baby soft. He had freckles all across his back and shoulders. You traced your fingers over the little constellations, playing connect the dots with his beauty marks.

Your fingertips trailed lazily across his shoulders and down his spine. He just signed, easing in to the feeling of your touch. Resting his head comfortably on your breasts and nuzzling his face into them. He closed his eyes and a little yawn escaped his lips.

“Go to sleep, Jimmy,” you whispered tenderly in his ear before placing a soft kiss on his temple. He smelt like vanilla.

“I don’t wanna leave you,” he whimpered into your chest, shaking his head.

It melted your heart and then broke it. You’d been avoiding thinking about it all night, but the sky was already getting lighter out. You were going to be split up in just a few hours. As much as you wanted to hope for a happy ending, you didn’t expect this prince to come back for you.

You were still searching for something to say back when you felt his arms tighten around your waist. “Stay with me,” his voice was soft, almost fragile.

You had to say something to soothe him but you didn’t want to lie to him either. It physically hurt you to see how much he needed someone to love him. And god, you would’ve been the best at it.

If you had met each other under normal circumstances, you would’ve dated. Fallen in love. Made a family of your own together. And you’d never fuck it up. Your kids would be happy.

You may have been given a second chance at life, but you weren’t that lucky.

“I’m right here, baby. You can go to sleep, I’m right here,” you carefully assured him. You kissed the top of his head and brushed your fingers tenderly across his cheek. He nestled into your chest and your steady heartbeat slowly lulled him right to sleep.

But you didn’t dare fall asleep that night. You were in bed with an angel and you were going to cherish every last moment you had with him.

He’d spent the first few days watching you sleep, falling for you before he ever got to know you. And now here he was, spending his last few hours sleeping in your arms.

You couldn’t help but feel like Juliet, holding her late lover’s body for the last time. And you could understand now why she drove a dagger through her heart right after.

She was right. Parting is such sweet sorrow.

💕taglist: @sexwon131 @jimmason @whatcodysaid @theneverendinghunger @angelicmichael @thewarriorprincessxo (lemme know if u wanna be removed! xo)

[doomedandstoned]

Void Commander Launch Second Full-Length Expedition, ‘River Lord’

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

Review by Billy Goate

Cover Art by Maja Mattsson

Talk about a revelation! Your tour guide through the wastelands is back. This time, VOID COMMANDER is taking you beyond the known, into regions just itching to be explored. Riding in a deft vessel of stoner rock flair with laser-beam riffs to smash wandering meteors out of the sky, their new spin is your ticket through the outer reaches of psychedelic space!

The Swedish band, composed of Bobby Karlsson on guitar/vocals, Linus Olhsson on bass, and Jimmy Jönsson on drums, was founded in 2014. They make a small, baroque city called Karlskrona homebase, a section of southern Sweden based along a naval archipelago that boasts of several islands, reachable only by ferry.

‘Shrooming Widow’ (2017) was our first experience aboard this groovy spaceship, from which Void Commander contributed "Giant Mushrooms" to our 62-band survey, 'Doomed & Stoned in Sweden' (2018) Now, after teasing us with early material from their next project, we venture into the terrain of the 'River Lord' (2021).

The title track, which Doomed & Stoned debuted for you in November, shifts the record into high gear from the get-go. "River Lord" scratches and squawks into a quick-tempoed beat and fuzzy guitars from whence flows a rhythmic river of revelry and rock. As joyously raucous as it sounds, the band confided in us that "River Lord is a song about struggle, finding the answers that most of us are looking for, but don't have the possibility of finding." They then advised us to "drink beer and worship Satan" until the album drops. You can almost see him impishly dancing a jig in the song's final minute.

A confident drum beat opens "Stoner Eyes" followed by chorus-like verses that make you want to sing, headbang, flick your lighter on, and sail its flame high all at once (which I'm told could be dangerous). Some of Bobby K's finest crooning is on display as he sings, "Help me to the morning light." A duet between guitar and harmonica busts out all too briefly between the plaintive cries, "Save me from the night."

Void Commander describe their style as "mainly blues-based, with a fair bit of Sabbath worship" and "traces of Creedence, Fleetwood Mac, The Stones, Hendrix, Zeppelin, and even Jefferson Airplane." Nowhere is this more evident as in "Worship Midnight," the kind of track you will take with you on the road or enjoy in those solitary moments after a good hike up a small mountain overlooking acres of wildland.

If "Worship Midnight" has any fault it's that it ends all too soon, which is why if I were DJing Void Commander I'd bleed this track right into "AGN" without pause. I'm told it stands for "Adrenaline, Gasoline, and Nightmares." A dirty guitar lead sets the song off and we hear the album's most earnest blues singing yet, with soulful leads enjoined by some good ol' fashion wah-wah. Close your eyes and get lost as it develops, and you'll surely wind up a psychedelic swirl of color. "

"Fucked Up" may be my favorite number on the record, if for no better reason than it's honesty as it is all too relatable. "I don't want to live forever, I just want to live today" says this celebration of hedonism and debauchery. Whiskey is at the heart of its lyrical subject, a relationship that starts sweet, but sours within a matter of hours. At 2:35, the defiant joviality changes tone, as the bass churns crudely like an upset stomach, setting off a dank blues sway followed by screams of pure rage. An otherwise cerebral human has devolved to his Neanderthal roots, shouting at foes -- real or imagined. We've gone beyond a foot tapping vibe now and are jettisoned into gritty, stomping anger. Someone has had too much to drink, it seems, and the drum pounds heavier than ever to underscore the point.

"I'm Drowning" is a gentler blues song -- a classic from an album full of memorable tunes. This one is accompanied by a dire warning: "The winter's coming for us all." It continues: "I want to float and drift away, but I can't, I'm drowning." Whether confessional or not, the song certainly will speak to a lot of souls who feel lost in the void of lockdowns, lost jobs, and uncertain futures. "I want to smoke and drink away my pain" is a sentiment many will find relatable. Otherwise, it makes the ideal follow-up to "Fucked-Up" -- yet another instance in which you could play two songs on the record without pause in between and have it all make perfect sense, musically and lyrically.

The album concludes, much as it begins, with an upbeat flair for "Shroom Bloody Shroom" (a Black Sabbath and magic mushroom ref, for the uninitiated). Deeply downtuned bass and drums ripple out the beat, accompanied by the cowbell (which, despite my misgivings, am gradually becoming endeared to). "I'm about to go insane," the words chant in Ozzyesque cadence. "I must leave my life behind. What a failure of mankind." Harmonica chimes in during the song's second half (Bobby K on mouth organ, ladies and gentlemen, Bobby K), giving it a very seventies psychedelic and southern rock feel. I can't remember a more effective use of it since Purple Hill Witch whipped out the ol' hobo harp to close Celestial Cemetary in 2017.

Void Commander's River Lord releases this Saturday, February 20th, on Majestic Mountain Records (sorry, fellas, first pressing of that delicious marbled vinyl has already sold out, as is Ozium Records’ press of the single). Until then, we can all enjoy an advance listen to the full digital experience right here, right now, as Doomed & Stoned brings you the world premiere!

Give ear...

River Lord by Void Commander

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[aurodontdoit]

Smoking Stars: High Light Love: SaboxAutumn

Trigger warning: smoking weed, mentions of lemony scented goodness, and cursing.

A gift for @bisexualsabo

On a dark and stormy night, sitting alone in her smoking lounge, Autumn smiled as she rolled a few joints for her and Sabo to smoke when he arrived. It was their usual weekend evening, where they would smoke together, and listen to music or watch TV before having sex outside underneath the starlight. However, tonight would be a bit different… it was downpouring outside. She felt a little miffed about the stormy weather mainly because she couldn't piss of her narc of a neighbor, old man Garp. 

She chuckled to herself as she remembered how the veins in Garps forehead stuck out the last time he shouted at Sabo and her for fucking on her roof. Sabo promptly flipped him off and told him to sit and spin. 

Despite the dreary weather, she knew that she had a special device she could use to bring the stars into her house, and before anybody could ask, no it's not shrooms. 

Rummaging through her closet, she found a dusty box that contained a galaxy projector. She smiled as she pulled out the contraption, and plugged it into the power bar near her tv. 

She then built a love nest on the floor in front of her tv, made of a futon, and a generous amount of fluffy blankets and pillows. Once her shared nest was built, she brought out some snacks and some wine to drink, before lighting some candles to set the mood. 

Checking the clock, the young witch noticed that she had about 15 minutes to kill before Sabo walked in, so she spent those 15 minutes checking over her appearance and making sure she was ready for him. 

Glancing at her reflection in her large mirror, she wore a tight fitting tank top, and booty shorts for pajamas, completely different from her usual baggy sweats and smock looking clothes. 

The reason for the different mood for tonight was because Autumn had something very important to say to Sabo. 

Tonight, she had a plan to finally confess to Sabo. 

Yes, they smoke together, and have sex, but nothing is official with their relationship. 

Basically, she gives him weed, aromatherapy, and provides him a safe haven for anarchists just like him. But he is the only one she fucks. 

However, she wanted more than just sex; she wanted to call him her partner, her lover, her boyfriend.

She just wanted to know if there was more to what they had.. 

She sighs softly when she is completely satisfied with how she looks before laying on the love nest. 

When she hears the door open and close, she smiles to herself before strong arms snake around her waist, and greet her from from behind. "Hey" a familiar voice husks cooly. 

"Hey~" she purred back before turning to face him and give him a warm hug… only to realize what a horrible mistake that was. 

"Sabo you're drenched~" she whines playfully before Sabo cuddles her more. "Now we can be wet together." Sabo teased before noticing how the tight fabric of her pajamas hugged her body. The now wet clothes clung to her even more and reveal a faint outline of her perky nipples. 

Autumn in turn covered up before getting up to get him a change of clothes. She only had a pair of sweatpants he had left behind a few nights back. She made sure to clean and fold them for him. 

Once he was changed, he went back to snuggling Autumn while proceeding their ritual of smoking together while talking about life itself. 

"So what's with the tight clothes and candles anyway?" Sabo asked with a smile before taking a bit from his blunt. "Got a boyfriend or something?" 

Autumn laughed and nudged him playfully "no you dork!" She smiled "I did this just cuz…." She lied. 

Sabo caught on right away "bullshit." He smirked. 

"Dammit. How did you decipher that?" She chuckled.

"Because you fidget a little when you lie. It's adorable." Sabo smirked wider. "Now spill it, weed mama~"

Autumn blushed and sighed before running a hand through her hair "alright you win.. I wanted to do something different for you that's all, I mean it's raining so our usual is out of the question, so I thought why not try this?" She admitted.

Sabo nodded along listening to what she was saying. 

Autumn then continued "I just wanted tonight to be special.." she stated softly before Sabo pulled her into his strong arms and held her tight. "Every moment I get to spend with you is special… you don't need to try. This is perfect because you're with me.." he smiled. 

It was moment like these that made Autumn's heart pound. He had such a way with words.. 

"But I will admit, I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the new look I love how this hugs your curves… I just wanna take a bite~" he smirked before giving her plump ass a squeeze. 

And like that, the moment is gone. Autumn yelps before tackling him as the two wrestle in their love nest, before he pins her down and kisses her softly. When he pulls away, they gaze deeply into each other's eyes. 

"Ya' just so perfect… so free, and laid back.. I got lucky ." Sabo spoke softly while moving a strand of dark Auburn hair from her face and tucking it behind her ear. 

Autumn sighed and gulped de using it was time to tell him how she truly felt. 

"I love you, ya' know that, right?" Sabo asked. He beat her to it. 

"You… you love me?" Autumn breathed, bewildered by his sudden confession. 

"Yeah? Is that… okay?" He asked hesitantly before proceeding "ever since we met, you were just so kind and warm but you kept me calm, and cared for me even though you knew how wild I am… I love what we have, and it's great and all, but…" 

"You want more?" Autumn finished with a smile. "Sabo… I feel the exact same way. Fucking while high is great but everytime we do it, I just feel like you and I are connecting even more and more… you bring me so much happiness… I love you too." Autumn smiled. 

"Does that mean you're my girlfriend?" Sabo inquired

"Only if you'll be my boyfriend." Autumn answered

"Does anything change?" Sabo asked.

"Aside from titles, no. Oh yeah, on nights like this, you can stay over more often, and we can wake up together." She smiled. 

Sabo grinned ear to ear before kissing her passionately to which she instantly returned, wrapping her arms around him. 

Once apart, the pair laid side by side, panting breathlessly. 

"Damn… that was amazing… fuck this weather though. I was kinda looking forward to fucking you while Garp was watching so we can piss him off again." Sabo whined

Autumn laughed "well we can still stargaze. I have something that'll help." 

"Please don't tell me it's shrooms." Sabo blinks. 

"It's not shrooms. It's a galaxy projector." Autumn grinned before pushing the on button on the remote, sending billions of twinkling little stars up on her ceiling, lighting the room in hues of deep blue, and purple. 

Autumn could have her attention on the ceiling, but in that moment, all she could see was Sabo and his childlike wonder and wide grin as he gazed at the lights. 

Autumn smiled lovingly at the sight before the witch was pulled into another heated make out session.  

Soon enough, clothing was precariously discarded, and all that could be heard was the sounds of the newfound lovers, and their symphony of starlit love making before drifting off to sleep completely bare in each other's arms. 

[starlling-writes]

Bewitching Monsters - Deity (O’dos) Part 3

Series Rating: 18+ Chapter Contains: brief manhandling, drinking, minor swearing, drug use (psychedelic mushrooms) Pairing: f/fluid BeMo Masterlist   ☆  Writing Masterlist

I ended up at the Laughing Grove—the brasserie Valzok took me to. Caera and Aleril had likely followed me but they were giving me room. My distant headspace must be that obvious.

Citra was working tonight. He brought me my first drink and asked what was wrong. I couldn’t bring myself to tell him. He didn’t pry, but said if it was something Valzok did, he’d be happy to kick his ass for me. That actually made me smile.

The live music tonight was a lovely guitar and piano duet. Both of the girls sang too. Their music was soft and warm. Combined with the alcohol, most of my anxieties were lulled away. My gaze wandered around the room. A few couples were slow dancing on the dance floor. Many people were here on dates too. Seeing so much love muddled my heart. I finished off my drink and left.

“So melancholic.” I jumped and looked at O’dos. They were making a habit of just popping in today. This time, they wore the guise of an androgynous drow in simple clothing. “Are you truly that adverse to our agreement?”

“I don’t want to be a shitty mother,” I confessed. “I don’t wanna ruin someone else’s life because family is a foreign concept to me.”

“You have no need to worry, dear witchling. I know you. You will do fine.”

The sentiment was appreciated, but the words wouldn’t sink in. How could a deity understand when I couldn’t even articulate all my troubles? O’dos’s dark laugh echoed in my head. I flinched, noticing now I was no longer walking through town. We were in the void I often communicated with them in.

“For someone of your level, you hold much doubt over yourself.”

“Is this an intervention now?”

“No,” they answered a little too quickly and flippantly. “Your troubles are your own to handle. I am only concerned with those inhibiting our deal.”

I began wondering if there was a bit of fea in them—or maybe fae got it from the gods. “I wouldn’t say anything is inhibiting it; I’m just…hesitant, to meet this future. There are just so many unknowns.”

“Is that not life?”

I probably shouldn’t tell my patron deity to fuck off. Their smartassery was irksome, yet refreshing, helping to pull my mind from my worries. I met their gaze. There was more wisdom and knowledge swirling around in their eyes than I could ever wish to obtain. If they weren’t worried, then perhaps everything would be fine. Surely they knew better than I.

O’dos cupped my cheek and smiled softly. “One week, witchling.”

“And here I thought you were all out of kindness,” I joked.

Before I knew it, their hand was fisted in my hair, jerking my head back. They stepped closer, leaving half a breath between us. “Do not test me.”

I should have felt threatened. Not horny. Although… given the circumstances, being turned on right now was appropriate. It was ill timed, and influenced by alcohol, but fuck—it sent a delicious shock through me to be manhandled by them.

“One week,” O’dos repeated before vanishing and sending me home.

 The next few days I kept my work door closed and isolated myself from most everyone. I needed deep introspection. The first couple days I tried the simpler approaches: meditation, journaling, divination. Those efforts didn’t get me far. I was getting no sense of hardships in this endeavor, yet something was keeping my heart from being at ease.

I prepared some mushrooms for myself the following day. I was surprised to find I still had any lying around. Many disagree with such methods, but using mushrooms was the best way I found to connect deeply with myself.

“Don’t let me be outside for more than an hour,” I told Caera.

“I still can’t believe you’re going out in this cold, Mistress.”

There was a small flurry going on, but I needed to be out in nature. “That’s why I said an hour at most. Just… have some cocoa ready for me when I come back in, please.”

“Of course."

I took the shrooms and turned on some music. Might as well dance a bit and get myself loose while I wait for the come up. And now that Caera had a body, she could dance with me. We swayed and twirled. I couldn’t remember the last time I danced with someone. Was it with Aero during Brumalis? Maybe. Though I would’ve been drunk then; and I’m almost high now… I needed to dance with others again when I’m sober. I needed to dance more.

My thoughts drifted and soon geometric runes started to dance in my vision. The drugs were kicking in. Time to brave the cold. But the music was so nice. And dancing with Caera was—

No! I had work to do. This wasn’t the occasion for fun.

It was a challenge to pull away from her. Especially knowing I was about to venture out into the dark winter night. I made two small balls of light to float around me and stepped outside.

The snow was barely falling now; the light caught the puffy flakes in a magical way. I could still hear the music playing inside. So I danced. The snow floated around me like flecks in water. I started to feel like I was floating too. Closing my eyes, I saw rainbow light filtering down through ocean waves, breaking into beautiful patterns. The designs gradually turned into an array of strobing, bioluminescent sea life. Fish, whales, turtles, jellyfish—so many creatures danced with me now.

A deep rumble brought me out of my trance. Vérus stood before me. “What are you doing?” he asked while I was distracted by the fading light trails of a school of fish.

“Dancing.”

“I meant, why are you outside?”

“Cuz I’m tripping on mushrooms and being outside helps me connect to nature better which will help me connect with my inner-self better and I need to do that cuz I have a lot of thinking and introspection I need to work on within the next four days,” I rambled.

He slowly blinked. “Did you take my ichor?”

“No, why?—Wait!” I gasped. “Would that help? By the moon, your ichor is gonna be a lot more useful than I thought. How do I take it though? Do I make a tea, or a tincture, or bake it in bread or something, or burn it like incense—”

“Stop,” he cut me off. “That is the opposite of what I meant. You need to go back inside.” He walked to my house and was about to let himself in when he looked back and noticed I had gone back to dancing in the snow. With a heavy sigh, he came and grabbed my arm to drag me along.

“Oh good, I was just about to go get you,” Caera said.

“It’s been an hour already?”

“Yes, Mistress.”

Huh, normally time felt slower when I tripped. I took the mug of cocoa from her and settled into the chair closest to the fire. My toes were freezing.

“And why are you doing all this?” Vérus asked dully.

That put a sharp damper on my trip. Why was he still here? I took a moment to stare at the fire before answering. “I’m going to be a mother soon.”

I knew what he had to be thinking. His unspoken questions made my skin crawl—it was like thousands of tiny spiders crawling over and nibbling at me. I immediately forced that imagery from my mind before the drugs made it worse. It threw me off a bit when he coolly asked, “And this required such… introspection, why?”

“I don’t know how to parent!” I slammed my mug down on the table, some cocoa sloshing out. “I don’t wanna fuck up. I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

Vérus knelt on one knee before me and turned my face to look at him when I tried to look away. He was so close now. Runes ran down in face in the most intriguing patterns. “Witch. I’m not in the habit of giving compliments. That said—your skills are greater than any witch I’ve seen before. Your consideration draws others to you. I do not foresee you failing such a thing.”

He left me truly speechless for a moment. I still wasn’t used to him being this friendly. “This… is the weirdest trip I have ever had.”

— — —

BeMo Masterlist   ☆  Writing Masterlist Story:  Previous   —   Next Character Arc:  Part 1   Part 2   [Here]  Part 4

[caffeinatedfantasy]

The Seal pt 0.5: The Arrival

{ because I felt like it and the idea popped up? idk }

{ Chris: [bio] Pt [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]/ ?? Day One [ AO3 Link ] 

This whole thing was a mistake. A ridiculous, headache inducing mistake. I was going to go back to sleep and wake up, life back to normal. I was certain of it. This couldn't be anything other than an extended dream. My drink had probably been spiked with something and this was a weird ass drug trip. I've heard of people having bad shroom trips and thinking they're in the trip for months and it's really only been a couple minutes. That had to be what it was. 

I couldn't be dead because Hell wasn't real. 

And if it was, I wouldn't be surrounded by all these attractive demon boys, paying for my shit. [I was still very confused, but I wasn't about to complain about someone buying me clothes to get out of my pajamas. Because of course I'd been wearing them.]

"Can't you just..." I gestured vaguely. Might as well play along. "Poof my clothes here?"

He gave me a look and I inexplicably felt stupid for the question. I shouldn't, and I knew I shouldn't, because why the fuck wasn't it that simple? I refused to let him get to me, though, and stubbornly crossed my arms. "Seems like bad planning to poof my ass down here with shit but my jams, but too late now I suppose. I need a bra, at least."

Yea, I see your eyes going there Mr. High and Mighty. He only made a small noise of acknowledgement before we went back to shopping, but I noticed that one of the brothers' [Asmodeus?] attention stayed there for a little longer until he noticed I was looking at him. 

"Looks fine to me!" He winked, and I couldn't help but chuckle.He was eager to help while they went shopping, getting a bit handsier than needed, but his choices were pretty stylish [and he was very cute], so I couldn't complain too much. 

Well, I could, but I wasn’t going to. The whole... Stern “friendly”[?] talking to from [Lord?] Diavolo about how I didn’t really have a choice because I had signed the contract for the school exchange program three months ago, so I was obligated. [They’d advertised it as Japan. I knew some Japanese. I was excited for that. But. Why not Hell I guess?]

Though. At one point they pointed towards a gate that they said would take me back to the Human World [after I went through the layers of Hell, apparently, which I didn’t remember because I never got around to reading Inferno] and I just straight booked it. 

Or tried to. 

One moment Lucifer was pointing it out, with Mammon joking [maybe?] that I could take that route home as I stared. The next moment Lucifer had his arm around my waist as my legs pumped futilely as I was lifted off the ground the moment I had moved.

I don’t know if I had looked that obvious or if he had read my mind, because I hadn’t even thought about it until I realized what what going on. 

“If you try that again, I’ll have to put a leash on you.” He scolded me. And I could only scowl in embarrassment. [Asmodeus had made a couple jokes about how he had one I could use and I’d look so cute in it, winking and everything. And had looked delightedly scandalized when I’d teased him that he might look better in one than me.]

Overall, it was a couple hours before we were done and I was shown to what would be my room and left to sleep. I didn’t bother with much before I settled into the too-large, too-comfortable bed.

Surely I'd wake up and be back to my normal life then, laughing about my weird ass dream.

--

As far as dreams go, being in a strange house full of demons really wasn't that weird. Except that they hadn't been chasing me, [a staple for me], nor had I ever been lucid during it. I had woken up convinced they'd actually happened, even. I stayed in a weird fugue state, trying to get my brain convinced that it was a dream, and I just needed to accept that [the strange bed just meant I'd hooked up with someone at the bar or something that's all], even when I'd wandered out of the room looking for... Someone.

I was intentionally ignoring the nagging feeling that last night might not be a dream as I walked down unfamiliar halls. It was not just an apartment. Or even a basic house. This place was huge. I'd never woken up in a place like this after a night of questionable choices. [Or at all. Ever.]

I heard the voices ahead as I walked, and the pit in my stomach grew. There were a few of them. Which meant this was going to be embarrassing either way. I was either going to be apologizing for making a fool of myself in front of a bunch of strangers[?] who decided to take care of me. [And maybe I slept with one of them. Though my body didn't feel like it, it was possible.] OR I was going to have to deal with the fact that I was now in Hell. [That I was still on drugs because Hell wasn't real, thank you very much.]

I peeked around the corner once I'd figured out which room the noise was coming from and lined along the dining table were five guys rather animatedly eating breakfast. 

And dear lord, they looked familiar. Every one of them. I had met them all the night before. In my Hell-dream. 

I groaned quietly. I needed to get the fuck out of here. I went to step back from the doorway when the one with black hair [Lucifer] looked up. 

Directly at me. 

He stood smoothly as he called my name. I wasn't sure if the movement was polite [some manners dictated standing when a guest entered, waiting for them to sit before doing so], or if it was to keep me from fleeing [he'd be faster than me, wouldn't he? As a demon and all].

I stood there for a moment, frozen. But I couldn't look like a deer in headlights. No, that was a terrible idea too. I smiled best I could, letting the expression lazily stretch across my face [a customer service smile would be too obvious right now], and stepped forward. Self-deprecation might be easier now.

"Well fuck me, so last night wasn't a dream?" I examined the table, food spread out on plates, and there was even an empty seat with a plate that must be for me. I'd started on the rest of my joke ["Here I woke up hoping that--"] when one of them--Asmodeus-- took my hand and pulled me closer, grinning at me widely.

"If you'd like, there's still time before class..." He purred at me, kissing the back of my hand. And oh dear lord the touch was practically electric. He'd taken my joke as an invitation and was flirting with me. 

But of all the things that could've happened. THIS I knew how to handle. [I wondered if that had been the point.]

Grinning back at him, I leaned forward towards him and gently patted his cheek. "Sweetheart, if it can be finished before class, I'm not interested."

I slipped my hand from his and took "my" seat, staring across the table at the food. [Ignoring how delighted Asmodeus looked at my teasing him back, including an "Ooooh I like you."] 

I glanced up at... Lucifer [when had he sat back down?] as I grabbed some food for my plate. 

"Was hoping this was some bad trip or something, but guess I'm really in Hell then?" I paused, then corrected myself. "Devildom, sorry. Shit's wild though. I take it you're throwing me in right away too?" 

The question was directed at Lucifer, even though I knew from last night that this hadn't been his decision, it had been Diavolo's. He shook his head at the question. 

"You're starting on Monday. To allow you to get settled in." I was surprised by the consideration I was being given, considering I'd been kidnapped and all. I just nodded around my food.

They’d looked like regular eggs. But the taste was... I blanched and stared at the plate for awhile before a hand reached across my plate and grabbed onto the side and-- I swatted his hand with my fork and scowled. “No! Mine!” 

The redhead [Beelzebub? I think? Gluttony for sure] pouted at me. He did look slightly annoyed, but mostly pouting. 

“Looked like you weren’t going to eat it.” He said, and his stomach growled. “Didn’t think humans ate cockatrice eggs.” 

“That’s why they tasted weird...” I muttered, and. [Hold on.] Cockatrice eggs? Gods. Mythology, they were... I glanced up at Lucifer sharply, keeping an eye on Beelzebub for any more food stealing. “They... Won’t poison me or something, right? 

“You should be fine.” He nodded. I paused, taking another couple of bites and stared at the rest of my plate and the weird food there before glancing at the redhead. 

“Make ya a deal. I’m gonna be trying this weird demon food. Anything I don’t like, you have free reign to just nab from me. Can even tell people you’re getting it for me and just eat it. Just ask before reaching for my plate for the other stuff, kay?” I offered with a small smile. He paused for a moment, staring at my plate, before he nodded. 

“Sure.” He replied. Somewhat hesitantly. [I wasn’t entirely sure how well an Avatar of Gluttony could hold to that, especially as I saw him put more unto hs plate from the middle, but I was gonna try.]

It helped that what I had thought were pancakes were... Disgusting, and I quickly gave them to him. [And I’d had a decent stack because. I love pancakes. But only sweet ones. These were... Not that.]

And made it through breakfast without him trying to steal anything else. 

Mammon would be with me today. Because apparently he was allowed to skip class for the day just to help me out. [And why did demons have school anyway? The best answer I got out of him was a shrug and “Diavolo’s idea” with no further elaboration.] 

And I just sort of... Drifted. My brain still running behind reality [questionable] demanding that this couldn’t be real, but that it wasn’t a dream, either, and that stuff would sort itself out soon enough. 

Right?