#just a reminder to myself that it's fine to write self-indulgent stuff that IS

[burningcheese-merchant]

youll be fine merchant, after all i follow you because i like you saying things, you make things interesting in a way, im not sure how to describe it, but what i do want to say is that you dont need to feel that way, u doing fine and i hope you continue doing fine

I'm grateful for your kind words. I really am. I'm touched you took the time to say something to me. But... Idk.

I'm feeling very raw today. I want to be totally real just once. Just this one time. No sarcasm or joking around like I usually do. Be my therapist/blank wall to whom I address my words of woe for a minute. Then we can all go back to normal after that

I've been having a major crisis of self-confidence lately. Been feeling stupid. Useless. Good for nothing. Probably just the Big Sad talking but that guy hasn't shut up for an awfully long time and he's harder to tune out on some days

Writing was always an escape for me. A form of catharsis. I'm actually quite terrible at speaking to people irl. I'm very shy and awkward. Social anxiety on steroids. I always expressed myself better in writing as opposed to spoken words. Idk it just feels a lot less stifling to me. I feel more free. Less judged. More in control of my thoughts. If that makes any sense.

Bit the bullet and started posting fics on AO3 just to indulge myself. Never really expected to get any attention. There was a ship I liked and there weren't really any fics for it, so I became the change I wished to see in the world. That was all it was. You want something done right, do it your damn self.

Wrote more. Different things with different characters and different ideas. Gained a lot more traction. Caught another bullet in my teeth and made this blog. People seem to like my ideas for some reason. I start to think "hey. Maybe I really am a good writer."

Then I took a few story-shaped sledgehammers to the skull and remembered that no, I'm not. Lol.

Comparison is the thief of joy. I know that. Nobody needs to remind me. But it's easier said than practiced. Read biscuitlabyrinth's stuff and felt like a fraud. Read Jambound and felt like a skyscraper-sized fraud. It's hard not to compare yourself to others when the "others" are practically hailed as heroes by the fandom. When there are mountains upon mountains of fanart happily illustrating their work. When their story has the most hits and the most kudos and the most comments and the most bookmarks in the entire Cookie Run tag on AO3, and only receives more every passing day. When there are people who want to bind the fic and make it an actual, physical book, because they love it so much. No one has ever said or done any of that for me or my stuff. Never got even a fraction of that love or attention. Not even close. And I never, ever will.

Yeah yeah. Two cakes. Everyone has said that to me. But if you all had to choose. If you could only eat one cake while the other one went straight to the trash. You wouldn't pick mine, would you? You'd pick the other one. You'd pick Jambound. Everyone would. Even my friends on here would. Why bother wasting time and ingredients baking the thing if you know that's how it's going to be? What's the point?

I know I'm not owed success. Nobody is. It's earned. It just... hurts, I guess. It hurts to feel compelled to doubt yourself so strongly after finally allowing yourself to believe you've done a good job at something for once in your life. To feel like even when I try, even when I put my best foot forward, it's not good enough. Nobody actually cares. No one will ever think of you like they think of those other people and their work. No one will think of you at all. You're just a sad little wannabe loser, wallowing in their shadows.

I don't blame those people for these feelings. I don't blame anyone except myself. To think or do otherwise would be childish. No one is responsible for making me feel inferior/inadequate besides me. I accept that these thought and feelings are foolish. Whiny. Unfair. No one should pay them any mind. I'll sort through them on my own.

It's stupid, all of this. Oh no, some person's fanfiction is more popular than yours. Boo hoo. It's the end of the world. Stupid. It's all stupid. And yet, the feelings persist. It sucks. I don't want to feel this way. I'd rather just forget about it all and go back to being the loser who was content just writing for herself and nobody else, really. I don't look good in green, that's for sure lol. But it's hard. It's hard to let go of something that's got its jaws clenched around your neck so tight. Waiting for you to stop fighting and bleed out before it can finish its meal.

I always thought that writing was the only thing I was ever good at. That I was ever good for. Learned the hard way that that's not true. That my best was never anything but mediocre in reality. It's really no wonder Jambound is as beloved as it is. It's wonderful. Fantastic. It deserves all the praise it gets. I wish I could write half as well as that. But I don't. And now sometimes I wonder if anyone would even notice, even if I did.

I'm not happy writing anymore. Feels like it got snatched from me. The thing I love, that always brought me a measure of peace no matter how depressed I got. Gone. I can't draw worth a damn. I'm not funny. I'm not that smart. I never thought I had anything to give anyone except my writing. Now I understand that I don't have that, either. My cake sucks. No wonder everyone would rather eat theirs.

I'll get over it eventually. I'm stubborn if nothing else at all. I've got stories to tell and finish, even if they'll never mean anything to anyone except myself. Might as well. For my own sake.

There. Said my piece. Poured my miserable little heart out. Let's not talk about this anymore. Go back to enjoying the fancy, professional cake and celebrating the talented baker. Leave me to my cracked countertop covered in stale flour and rotten eggs and bland frosting. I never said anything worth listening to. I'm not sure I ever have.

No more self-pity after this, back to being a silly bozo as usual. Thanks for reading all this gunk if you bothered to for whatever reason. Y'all have a nice day. Better than mine, hopefully

[majesticwren]

here we go with part III. It's 12k of unhinged feral energy; be advised, this entire project is done solely for my pleasure, I am indulging myself so much with this. I just needed to write will and fletch and had to create this stuff. the angst that it carries (because yes there will be more coming - I am very good very evil) it's the energy I crave please don't come for me and trust the process I'll feed you smut. I am planning shit loads of fluff too but it will be a rollercoaster overall. it is edited but not proofread. enjoy. a/n: hi :) me again back at it. I didn't like the first draft of this so I finally went back in and made it a little extra poly/gay with some more chemistry between kyle and will because I needed it. thank you bye 💕

trigger warning/s: angst angst angst, poly relationship dynamics, reference to sex, reference to threesome, shit loads of misunderstandings and miscommunication, swearing, jealousy and mild possessiveness, OFC is unhinged and is her own trigger warning - she can't deal with her healthy relationship and leaps into self destruction, smut!, threesome, unprotected sex (kids, know your sexed! this is not an example is a fanfic use your condoms) daddy and praise kinks, chocking, dirty talk, binding, kyle is very dom and will likes to be called daddy but he is also a sub in here, don't come for me

<- part I | <- Part II prequel part I -> | part II -> | part III -> | part IV -> Masterlist

The party was proceeding. She couldn’t say it was going well, but it was going. The two-dozen people they invited were enjoying themselves at least. They were mostly Mark’s friends, which included old colleagues from RevPro and a few other people they got to know in the years they lived in the city, plus a handful of Erika and Kyle’s friends, just for variety. Food and drinks served. Music and chattering filled the room as people gathered and mingled. On the surface, everything seemed good. 

It did feel like the longest time of her life though.

When Kyle and Mark arrived, she felt able to breathe for the first time. Grateful, mostly for the unaware support their arrival granted her, Erika leaped into her brother’s arms, clinging onto his solar, happy energy and protection to feel shielded.

Everything was fine, she kept reminding herself.

“I am so happy to see you,” she whispered into Mark’s ear as he lifted her up, bear hugging her. 

“I missed you too, little menace,” he chuckled. “Let me look at ya’,” Mark handled her like she weighed nothing, lifting her so he could look at her face, “Yep, still the same little gremlin.”

Erika hugged him some more, finding refuge into his chest. “You gotta tell me all about the news from back home,”

“Ah, you know, always the usual. Mum misses you so much, she cried a lot. It’s kinda hard to watch sometimes. Dad on the other side is unaware as usual. He has finished building the shed though!”

“Are you joking!? You mean the shed?” 

Mark nodded as a massive smile nested on his lips. “Oh, yes, baby. Fucking mental.”

“I knew early retirement would have done him good!”

“God,” Mark chuckled, “Brace yourself because now he needs a new project.”

“Oh, god,” she chuckled with him. 

Erika knew seeing Mark was everything she needed to feel better. Saying she had missed him wasn’t enough. She could already feel herself healing inside. Her pain wasn’t disappearing, but there was a light that was shining in her now. Mark was always able to pick her up in a way not even Kyle could. Her brother had always been her biggest support system and best friend. But he was more than that. He saw her growing up. Helped her through her lowest and loved her regardless, even when others had given up on her. He was the part of her family she couldn’t bear to live apart.

“Listen, listen, I’ve got a good one for you.” Continued Mark, excitement glimmering through his eyes. He was clearly equally happy to see her. “Auntie Janice has a thirty-two-year boyfriend. Which is weird. I’ve met him. Nice bloke. But he’s basically my age so, weird.”

“Ugh,” she shivered, trying to shake off the repulsive thought of her aunt in a relationship with a guy half her age. “She is mental.”

“Firecracker,” Mark chuckled, “Oh and Virna got married.”

“Virna? Your high school sweetheart and my babysitter Virna?”

“Yes.”

“The crazy Virna that still tries to hook up with you any time you are back home?”

“That’s the one!”

“Did you go break her heart?” Erika wondered pocking his cheek only causing Mark to melt in a loud burst of laughter.

“Of course I did, gotta keep up our family tradition of stealing hearts. Fucked her and then her husband-to-be,” Mark smiled all proud and unashamed, only causing her to shake her head.

“And you call me a menace, Mr?”

Mark was still laughing wholeheartedly as he put her down, to which point it was Kyle’s turn to pull her into a hug she didn’t refuse. She nuzzled into his chest, magnetically attracted to him. Erika inhaled his scent deep into her lungs, wishing she could travel in the future, to when everyone would be gone and she could find soothe in his arms.

“I am sorry for before,” he whispered to her ear before kissing her forehead. 

Erika shook her head sliding her arms around his waist, looking for contact in a way that was more than habit, by now. It was natural. “Don’t be. I am sorry.”

Kyle looked down into her eyes, cupping her face into his palms. His touch was soft and warm. He didn’t only pick up her gaze, but her entire spirit too. He studied her features with a gentle smile curling his full lips, “I love you.” He reminded her, “and you look beautiful,”

“Thank you, you are not bad either” she melted into a smile looking him up and down, “I love you too.” She then said, popping up on her tippytoes to kiss him.

“Everything ok?” He wondered after, checking the place out.

Erika nodded, lying, pushing all that had happened in the back of her mind. “Yes. Why wouldn’t it be?”

Kyle answered looking for Will, who was taking his time to welcome Mark with a big hug and heavy pats on the back. “Welcome home, bruv. ‘Was starting missing you ‘round here.”

“I’m so back, mate. How the hell are you?”

Erika did her best to ignore their conversation. It was so difficult for her to hate Will when he was so affectionate with her brother. Or with Kyle.

After that, Erika spent most of her time hanging around Mark but would leave anytime Will approached them, granting him the chance to spend time with his best friend. She did the same thing when it was about Kyle, leaving him to have some fun with Mark and Will and just mingling with the rest of their friends. 

But she should have assumed she wouldn’t have been allowed to hide for long.

“What’s happening between you and Will?” Wondered suddenly Mark as she went for a refill on her wine. Surprisingly, she hadn’t given into the booze. But she did sip on some wine to grant her some liquid courage to survive the evening.

Erika choked and cleared her voice, looking up at her brother. “What do you mean?” She tried to play coy, smiling at the catering attendant who served her.

Mark read right through her pretending and whipped a wise smile, taking the piss out of her. “What would I ever mean!?” He wondered jokingly, “Do you think I was born yesterday, little one?”

Erika huffed and, taking a sip of her wine, she looked through the room, directly searching for Will. He was chatting to Kyle and a couple of her friends about something. They laughed. Will grabbed Kyle by the nape of the neck and pulled him under his arm, showing him off. They both had such a big smile printed on their faces, glimmering eyes and blushed cheeks. Her heart skipped a beat.

It was so unfair.

I wish l never met you.

Her own terrible words echoed into her mind, making her cringe to the thought of what their reality had become.

She was the extra piece. She was the sore, exposed nerve that didn’t work. Will had no problem with either Kyle or Mark and if she dared to explain what was happening between them, she was terrified of the consequences for the trio.

“Nothing.” She looked back, shrugging, “We just didn’t see eye to eye on something.”

“And for that reason, you aren’t talking or sharing the same square meter of space?”

“Yep.”

Mark lowered himself to her heigh and studied her features closely. “Nah. Don’t believe you. What did you disagree about?”

“The canapés.” She lied, pulling a kiss-ass smile. Mark read right through her, might as well not even try to make up a good lie. 

“Fuck off,” he chuckled, “I don’t believe you for a second.”

Erika pointed at herself and her big glass of white wine. “Do I look like someone who wants to talk about the only person I am avoiding at the party?”

“Oh, so you are avoiding him,” Mark looked back at Will, this time his curiosity was undeniable, whereas, for her, she had nothing but melancholy when she looked at him. 

This time, as if she had called him, Will was looking in their direction. They made eye contact. Erika didn’t look back, she challenged him raising her chin. He was going to be the one looking down if he so despised her. Though Will didn’t. 

Mark replied with something else but she wasn’t listening anymore.

Time slowed down while she was hooked on Will’s gaze and wasn’t able to let go. For only a moment, she thought she had seen the spark of interest in his eyes. But she was sure she was imagining things; it was gone in a heartbeat. Still, he didn’t look away either.

He smiled at one of the two girls. She had her hand on his bicep and was laughing at something he had said. Will leaned in, saying something into her ear. His gaze didn’t move from Erika's.

She had never been the jealous type. Never once in her life. But she was now. 

“That sure looks like nothing, dude,” Mark poked her, thought this time he wasn’t amused but puzzled. Erika quickly looked back up at him but he was busy scrutinising Will’s behaviour. “What’s going on, Erika?”

“Everyone’s favourite question,” she smiled sarcastically behind the rim of her glass, taking a sip of wine. “We argued. End of story. Let it go Mark.”

She should have known Mark wouldn’t have let it go, for the life of her. He was only able to fix things. Especially when it involved her. He was the protector, and knowing something was wrong wasn’t something he could ignore, ever. But he at least accepted her request momentarily. 

“Wanna do shots and then dig into those mini sausage rolls?” He offered instead. 

“Hell yeah, let’s see if I can still beat you at not making faces as I down straight vodka.”

“You are on, I’ve trained for this moment,” Mark rubbed his hands together.

“C’mon old man,” she giggled.

It was nice. Pleasant. For a little while, she allowed herself to celebrate her brother without thinking about the rest. 

They took two shots of vodka each and then proceeded to down countless tiny sausage rolls each, all the while Mark was ready to fill her up with stories from home. 

Maybe, if the evening had continued that way, she thought she’d be able to make it, after all. Sounded nice. Not the win she wanted but a win all the same.

“You should really consider popping back home as soon as your schedule clears,”

“I wish,” she huffed, “I’ve got back-to-back events from now to September with AEW, RevPro and Japan. Summer season is always busy.”

“Ok,” Mark nodded, “you do not have to take a month's break like I did. Japan is an awful close home if you want to pop down for a couple of days. Everyone would love to see you.”

She felt slightly uncomfortable with the idea. She loved her family, there were many reasons why she was grateful to them. But she was also a very different person now from the girl she was at nineteen when she left Australia. She didn’t like going back because it often reminded her about all the wrong she had done and everything she had messed up and missed because she was a difficult teenager.

Just like he could read her mind, Mark patted her back affectionately, “I know, I am sorry. I had to say it. Mum would love to see you.”

“I know, I know. It’s just I don’t know how to carry myself with pride around there. Here or while I work it’s different. But back home?”

“Back home you are one of the most famous people they’d know! Your name has been published, and the pictures you take are in magazines and on many companies’ socials and promos. There’s nothing you need to be ashamed of anymore.”

“Ah, on that I disagree.” Erika leaned her head on Mark’s shoulder, releasing a small huff, “But you are right. Maybe as soon as Kyle can take a couple of days off too.”

“Sure you want to bring him home with you?”

“Yeah? Why?” She suspiciously looked up at her brother, “They’ve known and loved Kyle for ages! What do you know I don’t?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he tapped his fingers on his chin. “Although mum wants grandchildren so expect the conversation from her.”

Erika chuckled and threw a soft punch at his shoulder, shaking her head. “You are unbelievable! Why do I have to have this conversation? I’m only a little girl! Look at you, thirty-two, strong, handsome famous and still a scoundrel.”

“Which is why the pressure is on you. You and Kyle have been together what? Five years now?”

“And we love our childless life, thank you.”

Mark raised his hands in the air, trying his best to appear as innocent as possible. “Hey, I am just the messenger. Talk to your mother. When she started this conversation with me, I yanked out of that place as fast as I could.”

“Fuck me,” she chuckled, pinching the bridge of her nose, “that woman never changes.” 

She hadn’t felt as light-hearted in a long time. Mark brought peace to her even then when she thought she was going to drown. Which was the main reason why, when they got interrupted, she wasn’t all that happy. She wished she could have just spent the rest of the event chatting with her brother, but she was aware that it would have been selfish and defeated the purpose of a social event.

Erika had felt her friend’s attention even before she said anything to her and immediately turned to her, pushing out a forced smile. The fact that she was the one who was standing a little too close to Will some time ago didn’t have anything to do with her sudden change of mood, of course.

“Hey bestie,” Beth’s smile was wide and full of promises and expectations. Her cheeks were blushed, she looked like she just come from a day at the beach. She was a pretty girl, talented too, they had met at the gym some months ago and took the habit of going out for a meal every now and then when Erika was back in London. Erika had always liked her enough, up to that very moment. “Hey Mark,” Beth chirped, “good to see you, how was Australia?”

“Good, thank you, but I am glad to be back.” Mark’s attention slid back on Erika, “I’ll leave you to it,” he said leaning to kiss her forehead fondly, “Just see not to cause trouble.”

“I’ll do my best,” when he slipped away, Erika turned to Beth doing everything in her power to appear as friendly as possible. 

She wasn’t even mad at her. She couldn’t be. She understood. Will attracted people, he had a talent like that, once you were in his orbit you couldn’t get out, he was a true star. If anything, she was even more upset at him because he had so much power over her to make her childish and jealous.

“Hey,” Erika pushed her thought in the back of her mind, “you ok?”

“Yes, thank you. Just wanted to say this is such a nice party, you always manage to get the best atmosphere!”

“Thanks, I think the people we invite are the ones who are the best at that,” 

“Amen,” Beth chuckled. “So, uh, this is a little embarrassing but I have a very quick question for you.”

“Shoot,” Erika nodded. 

“So, you know how I just recently got back being single, yeah?” Erika was already rolling her eyes before Beth could finish her sentence. “And I mean, he looks like a very good saddle to hop back on,” Beth giggled, looking back at Will. 

Erika bit her tongue.

She didn’t want to be mean. She had no right to be. Not one bit. But at the same time, there was a prime need taking over her that made her wish she could tackle the girl and slam her right through the little coffee table by their side. But then again, Erika put herself back into perspective and found herself being more aggressively angry at Will than anything else. He had no right to destabilising her that much and then just leave here there able to do nothing but just look at him from afar. 

It wasn’t Beth's fault, again, she understood. She was the first who fell into Will’s charm. And still, even when she had all the tools to make the right, thought-through decision, Erika still opted for confrontation. 

“So?”

“Well, he’s your friend, right?”

“He is. And if you expect me to put a good word in for you, you are a bit out of the way after you called him a saddle to ride.” 

Beth frowned, “I was obviously joking.” Erika knew that was bullshit. Beth paused and took a sip of her wine, immediately forgetting any reason to possibly be upset, “Anyways, is he single?”

Even though she didn’t want to, Erika felt obliged to tell the truth. She had no right even thinking she could do otherwise. “Yes.”

Beth purred, “Great,” 

“I mean, are you going to make a move on him?” Erika wondered damning herself for caring.

“I think he might. It looked like he was flirting earlier. God, I hope so,” Beth sighed, clearly getting lost in a fantasy. They both looked back at Will, “he looks so pretty and dumb, and at the same time like someone who would unapologetically fuck you stupid.”

Erika wondered when it happened that Beth thought she had all that freedom with her. Maybe she thought that because they were both girls and Erika was in a stable relationship with someone like Kyle then she was free to say the worse and still have her support. How wrong she was.

However, before Erika could say anything, she got lost watching Will interact with Kyle and Mark, and she forgot all about the problem at hand. They were talking to each other all holding a bottle of beer. Kyle was the tallest and stood in the middle of the group as his gaze hopped from one to the other of his friends standing at his sides. The seriousness of their faces only made her crave to know what had just been said. 

Mark raised a hand, explaining something and Will disagreed, shaking his head, so Kyle moved and brushed a hand on Will’s chest, trying to reassure the Brit. 

Erika frowned. What were they saying? She wished she could be a lip reader.

Will gaze traced back to her and caught her watching him. Again, she raised her chin up. He looked crossed, like he was ready to have a confrontation, thought she would bet money she had a bigger pride than his. If he had a problem with her looking at him, he could have just left her house.

Kyle and Mark too looked back at her. Mark kept being puzzled, he was studying the situation more than anything, trying to get an idea of what was happening, all the while Kyle just seemed defeated. 

Will said something that prompted Kyle to take his arm, calling his attention back to him. They exchanged a few words, and by then Erika could only see the intensity of Kyle’s gaze pouring right into Will’s. Kyle placed a hand on Will’s chest and the other on his face, still looking at him, talking and nodding. It seemed like he was trying to reassure him.

Erika damned herself. And damned Will. 

Everything could have been easy. No one needed to get hurt if only he hadn’t decided to go and be an asshole. And now, hell, how did it get to be that bad?

She didn’t even care about herself and her own disappointment and broken heart. She knew she could suffer and handle it. Kinda. But Kyle? She would have ripped her own arms off before letting anything happen to him. And she knew that sooner or later whatever was corroding her from the inside, splitting her and Will up, would have surfaced and impacted Kyle too. 

It was only a matter of time. 

If she kept lying and not talking to him, he would have only got hurt worse by her own hand. And for what? For her to try and prioritize his friendship with Will and protect the Brit!? But her alternative was much worse. She couldn’t, for the life of her, even think about the possibility of giving him any reason to lose trust in his dearest friend.

Kyle had only one family and it was her and the two men standing by him. He was too precious to be let down in any way by any of them.

Beth was still blubbering about Will, but Erika wasn’t listening anymore by then.

Erika cleared her voice, trying to put her thoughts in order. She crossed her arms, trying to find a way to feel secure when the floor underneath her feet seemed to suddenly disappear. Erika downed her wine, having an interior battle about how wise it would have been to go and get herself another glass. She was already feeling the effects of the booze warming her nerves and slightly slowing up her thought process. Was she really considering drinking more?

Yes. Maybe the answer was getting blackout drunk.

“Sorry,” Erika murmured, stepping back and away from Beth, “I’ll be back.” That being said, she turned over and left her empty wine glass on the kitchen countertop on her way to the door.

She needed to get out of there. She needed some fresh air. To clear her head.

Erika patiently waited at the till as her order was being processed. On the counter, already stuck in an anonymous white plastic bag, there was a bottle of whiskey she didn’t need and a snickers bar. Although her attention wasn’t on those items, she yarned at the tobacco and cigarettes dispenser behind the cashier.

Never like that evening, she had craved a cigarette since she quit smoking and yet that was the sole reason why she entered into the off-licence corner shop. She won on her craving though, opting for booze and chocolate. 

She didn’t even want the whiskey. She only bought it to pretend to have an excuse to leave the party. 

“There we go Miss Erika,” the cashier politely smiled, offering her a plastic bag of goodies. He was a sweet, little man just over middle age. She liked him and it sure wasn’t the first time she or Kyle ran to the corner shop for emergency supplies like booze, snacks, ice cream or cigarettes, when she used to smoke. “You look very pretty tonight, Miss.”

“Thank you, Mr Salim,” Erika smiled politely. She appreciated the compliment, but she also felt slightly uncomfortable. She did look completely out of place in her outfit there. But outside on the street, the air was too chilli for how short her dress was or how much of her skin it revealed.

“You are going to have to invite me to one of your parties one of these days,”

“I will when you decide to take a vacation day!”

“Oh,” he chuckled softly, shaking his head, “then, who’s gonna look after my shop?”

Erika picked up her bag, offering the man a small smile. “Then no party for you, Mr Salim.”

He chuckled some more and then shook a finger at her. “Don’t have too much fun, Miss. And give my best to Mr Kyle,”

“I will. Don’t work too hard Mr Salim, have a good night,” she said as she left.

The time she had spent outside her apartment wasn’t remotely enough for her to feel any better. But she had run out of ideas. She wasn’t ready to go back though, but her options were slim. She could have walked up and down the street a couple of times, freezing to death and looking like she just left a club too drunk to realise she wasn’t wearing a coat. Or, she could have gone back into her building complex and waited patiently on the stairs for some time to go buy. Having her sneakers. 

“Erika!”

She gasped and turned over, startled. Her heart missed a beat, as she looked in the direction the voice came from. She recognised him immediately and wished to be strong enough not to react to him, and yet, she wasn’t. 

“Jesus,” Will bent catching his breath, stopping a moment, before approaching her. He looked concerned. “Where did you go!? We got worried.”

“I-” Erika vaguely pointed at the corner shop, rattling the bag in her hand, as if that could be explanation enough. Then she sent him an inquisitive look. “Did you follow me?”

“Well, yes. You just walked out.”

Erika looked up into his eyes, confronting him. “I thought you were damning the day you met me. Funny that you also run after me.”

“I needed to talk to you.”

“Well?” She wondered opening her arms, “I’m right here, go on then. Bet this one can’t be any better than anything you had to say before.”

Will hesitated. He looked at her for a long second, studying her face and the longer he looked, the more puzzled his expression became. “Why are you this mad at me?” He wondered, dropping whatever reason he seemed to have to confront her. His tone was now just sad and soft. “What did I ever do to you to deserve what you are doing?”

Erika scoffed in his face, shaking her head. “What the fuck?” She was smiling dangerously, hovering so close to losing every drop of patience and maturity she had in her, “What am I doing? Let’s hear it.” She didn’t drop anything and went under him as if she was ready to physically take him on. “This better be good Ospreay. Enlighten me.”

“What did you say to your brother?” Will too was quick to heat back up. “For a start.”

“Nothing. What the fuck are you talking about!?”

“Why do I have to justify anything to Mark?” Will pressed on. 

“He’s my brother. I tell him whatever the fuck I want.”

“I have done nothing wrong.” Will plead. “If you dare to put Mark or Kyle against me on a whim of yours, then,”

“Then what, Will?” She snapped, “Are you threatening me?”

He seemed more confused than her. As if her words just made him realise what kind of boundaries he was breaking, Will took a step back, rubbing his hands on his face. “Fuck’s sake,” he murmured, “Just-” when he turned back to her, he looked desperate. His hurt hit her right in the stomach. “Don’t do this. Don’t put them against me. Mark is like a brother. And Kyle-” he chocked, “I love Kyle, you know that.”

He was hurting. She shouldn’t have cared. After everything, she should have ignored him or worse, she should have kept being enraged by his behaviour. And yet, something in her gut stopped her. It was impossible to her the idea of willingly hurting him. 

“Will,” she whispered, hesitating a second before taking a step closer to him. “I would never do that. Don’t you think I know what you guys mean to each other?

“You tell me,”

“Don’t you know me?”

“I don’t know what I know anymore,”

His words hit her deeper than she expected and showed on her face. Her eyes mirrored her pain as she looked right into him, unable to hide it any longer. 

“Why?” She wondered, her voice trembling, “what changed?”

“What do you mean what changed?” His gaze hardened.

Erika was on the verge of tears by then and she had decided she wasn’t going to hide anymore. Fuck it. Fuck him. Fuck her pride. 

“Why did you have sex with me and Kyle if you had to go and make it so awkward after?”

It was like she spoke another language. Will looked at her like she had just stubbed him right in the heart. “I don’t know. At this point, I don’t know why I did it.”

Equally, he hit her right back. 

She felt her chest squeeze, constricted by the freezing cold disappointment of realising she had been mistaken all along. There was no saving anything. No fixing.

“Do you regret it?” She wondered, turning away and catching a tear as soon as she started crying as if that was enough to hide away from him. She didn’t even care to appear pathetic anymore.

“I think I do,” he admitted.

“So, that’s it.” Erika looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. She let him see her and ignored how hesitation and doubt kicked in him. “Don’t worry,” she waved her hand, taking a step back, “I was wrong. I made a mistake. I won’t say anything to Mark or Kyle about this.”

It was over.

Now she had to find a way to keep that little amount of pride she had left up high and do everything in her power to find a way to not ruin her relationship with Kyle trying to protect him.

Before she could slip away, Will grabbed her by her shoulders and made her look at him. “Do you know why I regret it?”

She tried to escape him, “Please, Will, I said I’m done. I’ll leave you alone. Why do you have to be so cruel?”

Instead of letting her go, he cupped her face, making her look directly at him. 

Erika wished not to with every inch of her being but his touch was warm and she melted into it. 

“I’m going mad. Why are you crying like this?”

“Because you are a damn bastard,” she didn’t yell, she didn’t fight anymore, “You never noticed how much I liked you before? Do you think I’d invite any random guy to share a bed with me and Kyle?” She shook her head, “This is entirely on me, I understand my mistake. And I am not even upset about hooking up. I am upset because you just shut me out after. I understand why Kyle is more important to you, but seeing how nothing changed between you two and how everything changed with me-”

“You left.” Will simply said. “That morning, you left. I felt awkward with Kyle too as we woke up. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say or do. I wasn’t even sure if I could look at him. We had always been close but clearly never that close. It was a new circumstance for the both of us and you weren’t there,” he cleared his voice, his cheeks blushing, “but it’s pretty easy to sort out stuff between boys.”

“You think I left you!?” Erika paused, looking into his eyes. Something clicked in her mind and she felt like the ground had opened underneath her feet. Now everything that had happened, everything that had been said, suddenly assumed a different light. 

“I assumed,”

“You fucking dumb son of a bitch,” Erika punched his chest with no real intention of hurting him, “You assumed wrong. I thought you left me! I only went for a run because I woke up buzzing with energy and didn’t know where to put it. I felt awkward and scared and I needed time to think.”

“Think about what?”

“Why it meant so much to be with you, for one. And what it could possibly mean for me and Kyle. It doesn’t happen every fucking day I fuck two guys.”

“I-” Will choked through his words, still looking at her like she spoke another language. “It doesn’t make any fucking sense. Why wouldn’t Kyle say anything?”

“Kyle didn’t know!” She gave Will another push but she was ready to fight him if he tried to get away from her, “I haven’t spoken to Kyle in a week. I couldn’t. Anytime he asked questions I’d shush him and fuck him. I knew that if I had told him how I was hurt he’d be crossed at you. I thought it was better this way.”

“Why you didn’t try to reach out?”

“Why didn’t you?” Erika’s words seemed to bring him some sense, to which point she nodded, “Can you blame me?”

“No.”

“And then tonight,” she started, shaking her head, “I thought I’d use the occasion to understand what the fuck happened but we just kept saying more horrible things to each other.”

“I hated to see how happy you looked like nothing mattered. Doing your thing in your little party with all your little friends,” Will bent his lips.

“You were my exact mirror. It looked like you didn’t care,”

“God,” Will pulled her to his chest in a hug she didn’t refuse. Maybe she should have fought a little longer, only to make him understand how much he hurt her, but she couldn’t, she was too tired for that and feeling his welcoming chest under her head, and his warmth surrounding her, was everything she needed.

Her pain was gone. She was still shaken and her pride was still bruised in a way she wasn’t sure she could fix because she now felt like the most stupid person in the world who created a problem and basked in her own grave after she dug it happily. But her chest was free. 

Erika slid an arm around Will’s waist, holding him solidly and pressed her face into his shoulder, letting him hold her tight. He pushed a hand into her hair, cradling her softly. “I am so sorry. I didn’t mean anything by what I’ve said. I didn’t mean it.”

“I mean it when I say you are a dumb son of a bitch,” she sniffled, looking up at him. She pulled a timid smile, while drying her tears off her face, hoping her make up wasn’t completely ruined. 

There was a small pause and then Will finally smiled, chuckling at her words. To her, it looked like seeing the sun shining bright in the sky after a long, long time of bad weather. 

“I am an idiot.”

“Yes,” she agreed.

Will cupped her face in his hands, taking a moment to enjoy feeling her in his grasp, his smile softened. “Can I kiss you? Please?”

“You better, Billy Goat, or I won’t speak to you ever again.”

He didn’t even let her finish her sentence before he pulled her into a kiss. At first, he only pressed his lips on hers, still slightly uncertain, but as soon as Erika slid her hand up his chest and around his neck, he warmed up completely, closing her in between his arms and deepening their kiss.

Erika purred when their tongues crossed and pushed her hand into his hair, feeling the need to cross her fingers into his curls.

“Never again,” Erika whispered against his lips, “you do not keep secrets from me. When something is wrong, you must talk about it.”

He nodded, pecking at her lips. “Yes, ma’am. I think you need to talk to Kyle now.”

“Yes,” she released a sad huff, “I feel so sorry. I didn’t mean to shut him out. Neither of you.”

“He’ll understand. He’s Kyle.” Will pulled a confident smile Erika couldn’t keep herself from kissing. 

“Will you stay tonight?” 

“If you want me to.”

“Please,” she pulled him into another heated kiss. Only the thought of having both him and Kyle to herself was enough to make her brain stop working completely.

Will let go of her only to press his forehead on hers, inhaling a deep, peaceful breath. 

“What’s in the bag?” He wondered sliding his hand over her arm and hooking his fingers onto the plastic bag.

“Just a snicker bar and some whiskey. I needed an excuse to leave. And I needed an excuse not to get a packet of cigarettes.”

Will took the bag off her hold as if it was something that weighed too much for her and then slid a heavy arm around her shoulders, pulling her under his side, and rubbing his hand over her. “Let’s get you inside.” Will softly kissed her temple.

“Okay,” Erika smiled, leaning against him and resting her hand on his chest, unable to let go. 

They rode the elevator in silence, just hugging, enjoying that moment of peace and then walked hand in hand back to the flat, although Erika stopped him a moment before he could go back in. 

She giggled as she pushed him against the wall. 

“Someone could see us,” he whispered not at all refusing her.

Erika tapped her fingers on his chest, tracing them up his neck and chin. “I don’t care.” She whispered pulling him into a kiss. “Did you know you made a conquest at the party?”

“Did I?” Will closed his arms around her waist, pulling her against him, widening his strong thighs so she could stand in between his legs.

“Mh,” she did to kiss him and then moved away last minute, making him want it. “My friend Beth said you have the look of a pretty, dumb guy who’d fuck you stupid.”

“Well,” he chuckled, “she isn’t wrong.”

Erika pulled him by the chin, brushing her lips against his. Tasting his breath on her tongue made her stomach vibrate and melt into a warm feeling that slid down into her abdomen. “I’ve never been so jealous in my life.” She teased. “I wanted to put her through a table.”

“I would have paid money to see that.” Will switched position, pushing her against the wall, trapping her lips into a kiss and pressing his body against hers. “Why are you telling me this?”

“Just saying,” she smiled, “that’s the expectation around here.”

“Yours?” Erika purred, answering to him with another kiss. Will smiled against her lips, nodding. “Noted.” He then pushed his face into her neck, assaulting her sensitive skin. “I could start now,” Will rested the plastic bag on the floor and then his hands ran quickly to her naked legs, reaching for the helm of her dress, “would you like that, love?”

His coarse voice vibrated low right through her skin sending a shiver down her spine. It was inebriating. They had been together only once and yet she had missed him like it had been a lifetime.

Erika stretched and bent underneath him, her hands trailing across his chest and shoulders, avidly feeling the edge of his muscles under her palms. She was eager to feel him move under her touch, craving to have him naked only so she could watch him move for her. She bit her lips shut, trying her hardest to suffocate a whimper, already struggling to keep quiet and he was barely stroking her legs. 

“This,” Will pointed out as his fingers followed the edge of her dress, “is a very tiny dress, love,” he pressed his smile just under her chin. “It was so hard being around you all night, it was.” Just like he had a point to make, Will’s hands traced up her body, following the edges of her dress cutting a low neckline across her stomach. He toyed with the thin golden chains that kept it together. “wanted me and Kyle to become madmen, didn’t you?” he teased looking down at her.

“I wore it for you,” she looked at him only pretending to be all innocent, biting her lower lip. 

“You are such a cheeky little tease, you are,” Will leaned in for a kiss. 

She would have lied if she said she cared in the slightest about being in her very public floor corridor, where everyone could walk by and see she was unashamedly making out with someone who wasn’t her boyfriend. But, besides her pressing desire to forget everything about their misunderstanding and just get lost in Will’s arms, Erika still pressed a hand on his chest. 

She huffed, trying to get a hold of her thoughts. “Hold on,” she pushed in the middle of his chest with more conviction, not because she didn’t think that he would stop at her words, but because she needed something to hold onto. And she needed air. She couldn’t think straight when her senses where so overwhelmed by him. “We need to talk to Kyle.”

Will’s gaze was soft as he crossed her face. He leaned his head to the side and raised a hand to her jaw, tracing it to her chin. “Yes.”

Erika raised her chin, looking at him right in the eye. “I know we have lots more to talk about to understand what this thing is,” she pointed between them, “but I do not want only sex from you.” She felt her cheeks blush and her heart pitter-patter in her chest as emotions flew across her. She wasn’t the shy type, never was. And hell, if she would have let misunderstanding get in the way of her and her happiness again. “Just so we are clear.”

“No?” Will pecked her lips softly, not hiding a big dumb smile curling on his lips. “And what is it that you’d like? Tell me, love.”

“I mean, don’t get me wrong, I still want you to fuck me stupid.”

“Fair enough,” he chuckled.

“But I think I’d like to try and date you.”

“I am pretty sure I can clear my schedule a little and find some space to take you out.”

Erika nodded, pulling a timid smile. “Do you think Kyle will be on board?”

“Considering he’d jump off a building for you and the fact that you Australians are fucking mental, I think it’s safe to say he would. Plus,” 

The way Will blushed and his eyes trailed off, as he shied away, made her attention pop. A big, teasing smile grew on her lips as Erika poked his chest. “What was that? What aren’t you telling me, Ospreay?”

“I mean,” he was still avoiding eye contact, hiding behind his stupid smile that made her go insane, “I think I won’t have a problem dating either of you.”

“What are you saying?” She wondered feeling his words sliding right through her and into her stomach, making her feel warm and comforted. She did understand what he meant already but wanted so badly to hear it coming from him.

“I mean, you know, Kyle is very special to me.”

“Is he?” She purred.

“He’s very talented, very kind and very beautiful,” Will pointed out, “Why would I have a problem with that?”

“Are you saying you have a crush on my boyfriend?” She smiled proudly, somehow feeling that information weight right in her belly, making her tremble under her own skin. 

There was something forbidden and tremendously beautiful to the idea that not only Will and Kyle liked her but they could also like each other. She was shaken by the need ok knowing, of seeing it happen. 

She had known them both a very long time and witnessed years of flirting, but always assumed it was innocent playing around. She would lie if she said she never fantasised about it. Actually, that was at the very core of her threesome fantasies, honestly, but never before she had found a reason to bring it up. Erika settled thinking that was just how things were between them. They all did it with each other. And both Kyle and Will had the same behaviour with Mark. But now she was starting to wonder if something may have been different all along.

“Maybe I do,” Will proceeded, glimmering eyes and rose cheeks popping up under his smile. He tapped his index softly on the tip of her nose, “but you sure are nosy, aren’t you?”

“I am not!” She chuckled, “But I am intrigued.”

“Ah, yeah?” He wondered leaning in for a kiss, “You like the idea that I might like your boy, uh?” he brushed his lips against hers, “does it turn you on, love?”

“God,” Erika exhaled, nodding even before words could come out. She felt her throat seal shut and needed desperately a breath of fresh air just to clear her head because what she was picturing in her thoughts wasn’t only improper, but extremely out of place considering they were supposed to be locked in a room full of people for the rest of the evening. 

Will puffed up his chest with pride and smiled. “You are so very bad, you are.”

Erika pulled him into another kiss with a smile on her lips and then forced herself to push him off herself with a chuckle. She wasn’t ready to go back to the party just yet, and especially when she couldn’t be all over him and her boyfriend, but the voice of reason reminded her they both had been gone a while.

“C’mon handsome, let’s go back before they’ll send a search squad.” 

Will nodded, “As you wish, love.”

As soon as they went through the door, most eyes moved on them. Most were puzzled as the flow of the party slowed. Erika wasn’t bothered by anyone else’s reaction; her attention was only for one person.

She smiled as soon as she made eye contact with Kyle, who looked over to them from the other side of the room, easily peeking above everyone else’s head. He was quick to assert the situation, studying her and Will and then a soft, large smile popped on his lips too as he deduced everything that needed to be said by their respective body language.

Before she could go to him, Erika slipped by the catering people, leaving her miserable bag of excuses on the open kitchen counter. “Don’t worry about this one, ok?” She instructed the girl standing the closest to her, who nodded willingly. “Thank you. You are smashing it,” she then added, showing her appreciation for their job. More would have come into the fat tip they would have left them at the end of the evening. 

The girl pulled a large smile nodding gratefully. “Thank you, ma’am, glad you are enjoying it.”

As Erika turned, she found Will waiting for her. She wished she could have better control over herself, but she still blushed under his eyes, unable to hide her interest. She brushed her hand on his abdomen as she passed him over. “You should mingle, now.”

“Or I could just look at you,” he whispered softly to her ear, “and think about all the things I will do to you once we’ll be alone.”

Erika was crossed by a shiver. “I hate you so much, Billy.”

“No, you don’t.”

She shook her head and had to gather all her strength and control to slip off him. It didn’t matter what she did, he had planted a seed into her mind and now she wasn’t able to think about anything else but what he had said. Her stomach was already trembling in anticipation. God, she was ready to kick everyone out, even her own brother, just to be able to have the rest of the night with him and Kyle already.

Erika managed to leave Will and cross the room, reaching for Kyle’s side. He was talking to a couple of the guys he and Mark met training. As soon as she was close, Kyle pulled her under his arm, dragging her naturally to his side, not losing the flow of his conversation. 

“Hey,” she greeted them wrapping her arms around Kyle’s waist.

She didn’t care too much about their conversation, it was loads of opinions about wrestling technicalities and she didn’t have the focus to get into it.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” She wondered popping her chin on his chest, looking up at him.

“Of course,” Kyle kissed her forehead and then looked over to the other two, “Sorry boys, I’ll get back to you.”

Erika grabbed his hand and pulled him with her to the bedroom, seeking some privacy. As they crossed the room, she briefly looked back finding Will sitting with Mark on the sofa, they were clearly having a lively conversation with some other people. When she noticed that Beth was standing there between everyone, listening to whatever Will was saying with interest. Erika couldn’t help herself from whipping out a victorious smile. She was maybe being extremely childish, but knowing what the other girl wanted was ultimately hers fed right into her pride.

Erika found soothe into shutting everyone else behind her back, as she closed the door. The bedroom was nice and quiet, bringing her to release a relieved huff. “God, I feel like this party is going on forever.”

“Do you?” Kyle’s propped her chin up just so he could lean in for a kiss.

Erika immediately melted in his hold. Her hands raced up his arms and around his shoulders, as she took a long moment to enjoy being in his arms. As soon as their tongues crossed, Erika was crossed by another, powerful, hot shiver sliding down her spine and nesting into her abdomen, making her tremble. Kyle’s arms caged her. His hands slid on her body, feeling her curves.

“You,” she started, breaking her kiss, trying to catch her breath, “need to stop right now,”

“Or what, baby?” He backed her up against the wall, a confident smile printed on his lips and laser-focused eyes glimmering at her like the ones of a hungry wolf. 

Erika tried to keep her hands planted in the centre of his chest, keeping him steady, but she wasn’t truly fighting him off as Kyle leaned in looking for her lips again.

“We have guests,” she panted, trying to maintain some sense, unsure what strength was driving her, especially after she had been turned on so much by Will just a moment ago. “We can’t just disappear,”

“I am sure everyone who noticed we slipped away is thinking we are fucking.” 

Erika chuckled, sliding her hands through Kyle’s hair as he traced the line of her jaw. “Believe it or not I didn’t drag you here for a quickie.”

“No?” He sounded genuinely sad about it, “That is not very nice, babe.”

“Pretty please? I need to tell you something and it’s really hard for me to focus when you are all over me.”

“Seems I am still not doing a good job at it,”

“Shut up Fletcher,” she playfully pushed him off her, shaking her head. “When everyone is gone, and especially my brother. You can toy with me as you please.”

“I’ll keep you up on that.” Kyle looked down at her offering a cheeky smile. Then, he backed off, going and sitting on the edge of the bed. “So,” he started looking at her with interest, “you and Will made up?”

“About that,” she started stepping closer, “yes, we did. But before we talk about that I need to apologise.”

“For what, baby?” Kyle pulled her closer to him, making her stand in between his long legs. When he was sat, they were almost the same hight.

Erika rested her arms on his shoulders and tenderly stroked his hair, offering a small, soft but ashamed smile. “I didn’t mean to keep you out.”

“You never have to apologise to me.”

“No,” she pressed on, “I do. Please, be mad at me for once,”

“You want me to be mad?”

“No, I mean, take my apologise like you were.”

“Ok,” Kyle paused to process her words, “so tell me, now,” he looked up into her eyes, “tell me what it is you didn’t tell me all week.”

“I didn’t want to be an inconvenience. I didn’t want my problem to taint your relationship with Will. So, I couldn’t tell you how hurt I was when I found out he just left that morning and then didn’t reach out to me. I realise that if I had said something to you, this situation would have been easily resolved, but I didn’t, so I managed to convince myself Will was ignoring me just as much as he convinced himself about the same thing,”

“First, you will never be an inconvenience to me. Second, you convinced me too. I knew something was off, but because you didn’t say a word about Will, I understood it the other way around.”

“Like?”

“Like you wanted to forget that night. Which is why I didn’t bring it up ever again. Until today. I started to suspect I misunderstood just today.”

“I am sorry,” Erika shook her head, “I feel so stupid. This could have ended so badly.” Her breath was suddenly shaken as she looked away. “I know how much Will means to you and I couldn’t bear to be the sore nerve in the middle of your beautiful relationship so,”

Before she could continue, Kyle pulled her into a kiss, silencing her. “Don’t say it,” he whispered, “do not say what you almost did. Which, by the way, I wouldn’t let you do. I would never let you leave me. Not like this. Not until I am certain that’d be the only way to make you happy. But not like this.”

“See? You would have fought.”

“Hell yeah,”

“Why would you fight for me when I thought about leaving you,” Erika paused again, “I am so sorry.”

“Erika, baby,” Kyle made her look at him, “You aren’t thinking of leaving me because you are selfish or mean. I can see that everything you did, even if it may have been a degree wrong, you did it to protect my interest to the best of your abilities.” Kyle slid his hands around her face, stroking her cheeks. “I appreciate you. I love you. But don’t ever think I’d be happier without you.”

“I promise I won’t keep anything from you,” Erika pushed a hand on his chest, just above where his heart was, “No more secrets.”

“That would be wise,” Kyle chuckled. His smile was as fresh as the breeze, making her feel reassured, “Especially since I seem to be the voice of reason around here.”

“Then, coming to the most pressing matter.” Erika started, looking down again. Her cheeks were slowly blushing, “I want to date Will.”

“Are you leaving me for Billy Goat!?” Kyle placed a hand on his chest, pretending to look shocked. “I knew he was bad business,”

“C’mon, mate,” Erika gave him a playful push, “be serious you idiot,”

“Right,” Kyle nodded, “Am I invited to join this dating party? Or is it an exclusive?”

“No. I mean yeah, yes you are invited. I mean, you must be there.” Erika cleared her voice, just saying it out loud brought images into her mind making her thoughts all foggy and her stomach twist. “I would like to welcome Will in the couple, that’s it. Because I like him. I’ve been liking him a while,” she talked fast as if pushing out the words as quickly as possible could somehow hide her from Kyle’s reaction.

“Yeah, I know that babe,”

“So, what do you think?”

She didn’t even think about the possibility of his refusal. What if he was only interested in a one-night stand and didn’t care to indulge her? What if he didn’t like the idea of sharing all of that with Will?

Kyle shrugged, “I mean I am down for it. What did Will say?”

“He’s totally smitten by you. Called you beautiful, quoting.”

“I mean, I am beautiful, but that’s beside the point.”

Erika chuckled, “You are such a dumb prick sometimes,”

Kyle still blushed, even though he had just been cocky, “I’d like that. I mean it’s not a secret how much I feel for Will so,”

“Yeah, but there’s a difference between close friendship and romance,”

“Is there?” Kyle wondered, “Or maybe I just never openly admitted that I like him and that’s why we are so close. I mean, not that I have thought about it enough to put a label on it, but I wouldn’t oppose having him around more often. Equally, I have no problem getting on with the both of you.”

“Oh,” Erika chuckled, nodding, “that I know.” 

In her belly, Erika felt a warm feeling distending and sliding across her body, under her skin, lulling her into a new relaxed state. It wasn’t only finding relief after days of intense, nerve-wracking anxiety and dreadful sadness, it was also joy, deep and pure. 

She hadn’t planned anything to go the way it went in the past few days and certainly, she wasn’t expecting it to end up like a bloody fairytale happy ending. She had convinced herself of the opposite. But now she couldn’t think about anything but being grateful. 

If only she had known earlier that things would have turned out that way.

She then pulled him into a hug, pushing her face into the crook of his neck. Erika cradled him gently, assimilating the consistency of his solid body in her arms. “Whatever, you know? I love you.”

“I love you too, always.” 

Erika was completely taken by pleasure. She felt like she was floating. Her body didn’t feel hers anymore. She didn’t have weight or consistency. No thoughts, only emotions. She was only her pleasure, wrapped and moulded under heavy bodies, hot hands and hungry mouths.

Kyle kept her solidly pressed against his chest. He had one hand wrapped around her throat as his other arm twisted around her waist, just so he could have easy access to her clit, only intensifying her pleasure as she took both of them in. She was riding Will’s cock, as Kyle fucked her ass. 

“You are doing so good, pet,” he lulled at her ear. 

They were taking it extremely slow now, especially for the standards they were getting her used to, but it wasn’t certainly the pace of their night. The boys had been relentless and merciless, making her come countless times already and still keeping her pleasure rolling.

Erika thought she could snap and go insane. She had never cried because of pleasure before. She had heard of the event. Maybe even see it when watching dirty, hardcore porno but never experienced it herself. Up to tonight.

The first-time tears had started streaming down her face, both Will and Kyle froze, thinking they were hurting her somehow, only making her go more feral. Erika had to threaten them not to stop, ever. Unless she told them so. And they hadn’t ever since.

She had never experienced anything like what she was feeling that night. Not even the first time they were together the pleasure was quite so high. But that night was somehow hotter, and dirtier, the things they did and said to each other were more prohibited and inebriating. And none of the trio seemed to have enough of the other two.

Erika whimpered, too exhausted even to moan louder. Erika sat down on Will’s cock, slowly, accompanied by Kyle’s hand guiding her movements as the Aussie proceeded to slide back into her. It was like a synchronised dance between them, supposed to cyclically fill her up as much as possible. She had begged for it but could never be ready for the real feeling. She had experience with anal and even double penetration, as she and Kyle liked to play with toys, but her toys weren’t as big as both those boys fucking her. She felt like she was getting split in two, and loved every second of it. 

Their skin was a sticky mess of sweat, bodily fluids and lube. 

“Feels good, doesn’t it?” Kyle’s pure satisfaction vibrated through his voice, making her purr.

Words escaped her mind just as easily as thoughts did, she was abandoned in between their arms, body and soul, Erika only managed to slowly nod at him.

She felt Kyle's sharp smile pressed on her shoulder as he looked down at Will and invited her to a holt. In her stillness, Erika took a second to catch her breath, relaxing her lower abdomen and adjusting to both men's sizes. 

She wasn’t at all mad at Kyle’s chosen pace. It gave her a chance to catch her breath – as much as still being fucked and held by the throat, hands tied behind her back could do. But she knew that Kyle’s slow torture wasn’t targeted at her, for once. She knew the Aussie's bright eyes were pointed at Will just as much as she was aware his sharp, challenging smile was for the Brit too, as Kyle had taken control over the both of them. 

And she was in with Kyle’s game. Hearing Will whimpering underneath her, begging for pleasure, made her go insane.

He too had his hands bound. He was trapped by handcuffs locked to the bed board and she loved to see how he moved and stretched underneath her. His muscles twitching and contracting. His big arms looked so good bent above his head. 

She had taken a mental note of how much she liked it and thought next time she would have tied down both boys, planning to take her time to play with both.

However, that wasn’t quite the only thing that sent her completely feral. The desperate insanity of her attraction to the two men she was sharing the bed with pivoted when Kyle silenced Will, staffing her panties into his mouth and gagging him.

“Do you want to fuck this pretty boy, pet?” Kyle wondered. His words were enough to make both her and Will tremble. Kyle had his large hand opened wide on her lower abdomen and pressed on her, making her move her hips ever so slowly, causing Will to twitch and huff. 

Erika smiled, turning her head to Kyle as much as his hold on her allowed movement, looking for a kiss. “Please,” she whispered against his lips. “I do.”

“Of course, you do, pet,” he cooed, “that’s what you like doing best, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” 

Kyle dangerously purred in her ear, “No, no, pretty one, don’t disappoint me now,” he pushed her chin up and head back just to make her stretch in his hold. “Say it. Let me hear it,”

Erika moulded under his control, “Please, let me fuck him,” she whined, “I am such a slut for you,” she continued and the more she said, the more she wanted to say just to please the Aussie. “I want you both to cum all over me.”

“That bad, uh?” Kyle pushed her head back so she could watch Will, controlling her hips to move in another painfully slow thrust. And then another, quicker this time. They all moaned. “Shall we milk every drop of what he has to give?” Kyle’s hand stretched over Will’s abdomen, causing the Brit to react to his touch, bending his back with a whine. Before she could even think about responding in any way, Kyle's soft chuckle in her ear gave her a shiver. “Or, I could fuck you some more myself and make him watch.”

Will grunted, impatiently twitching underneath them, trying to buck his hips into her to find some form of satisfaction, trying to lift himself up and fight the firm hold of his handcuffs.

That only caused Kyle to chuckle, “What was that baby? Daddy’s angry?” He guided another slow thrust. “Daddy should learn to be patient, don’t you think, pet?”

She nodded, rolling her head on his shoulder and letting a small moan out, not entirely sure she could think straight anymore. Almost out of habit, without thinking, she moved her hips, taking the initiative to thrust on them. Kyle let her. Her body was stretched like an elastic band ready to snap, pressed under her ever-grown hunger for pleasure that wouldn’t come. Kyle’s torture was making her go mad. 

“Please, Kyle,” she huffed, exchanging a desperate look with Will. They both begged to be satisfied. 

“Yes, pet? What is it?”

“I need-” 

Kyle suffocated her words and ripped a moan out of her as he made her slide up and down Will’s cock pushing himself back into her. Erika opened her mouth wide, rolling her eyes in the back of her skull. The pleasure of feeling them both inside of her was too much even for her to voice it.

“What do you need, baby?” his tone was now softer, more attentive, “Tell me, I will give it to you.”

“J-just fuck me,” she exhaled, “and let me fuck him.”

Kyle was ready to give her what she wanted. He exchanged a nod with Will, only so he would be ready and received a suffocated moan in return, as Will still tried to fight the handcuffs off. “Nah, big boy,” Kyle patted Will on the belly, “you are staying exactly like that.”

A shiver crossed Erika as she nodded, supporting the Aussie. “Daddy’s so pretty tied up.” She purred pressing a smile into Kyle’s jaw.

Will let his head fall on the pillow and bit down on the fabric in his mouth, suffocating a grunt, but the second he stopped resisting, Kyle rewarded him with what everyone wanted.

“C’mon, baby, be a good girl and take what you need from us,” he instructed, letting Erika move freely as she wished on Will’s cock, and respecting her rhythm with his own thrusts.

She stretched against him and rode the Brit. Now it was her turn to be merciless, but Erika had very little patience too. She had been toyed with enough and felt like she was going to implode if she hadn’t found release. She whined, her body already shaking as the wildest wave of pleasure started to grow inside her tummy.

Her fingers spread out on Kyle’s abdomen, touching as much of Kyle’s skin as she could, even though her hands were tied up. 

He kissed her neck, ear and side of her head, only for his hold to become stronger around her throat. “Inhale, pet. Take a deep breath and hold it in those pretty lungs.”

Erika whimpered. A shiver crossed her spine, shaking her. She would have done anything for him but that command, somehow, was groundbreaking. Made her want to drop on her knees and have a collar put around her neck. It made her stomach twist. Her thoughts dissipated; nothing was left but letting herself go in his arms.

She did as instructed, inhaling deeply, just so Kyle could squeeze her throat and choke her. His hold was hot but firm, suffocating her breath and voice into submission as their rhythm only quickened. With every thrust shaking her and her lungs constricting into her chest, Erika felt her caged self spiral towards an undiscovered level of pleasure. 

Kyle lulled sweet words to her ear, encouraging her to take it all. He softly kissed her neck and bit down on her shoulder, suffocating his own moans on her skin. The hand he had around her abdomen quickly moved down between her legs, where he could massage her clit only making her pleasure grow exponentially.

Will arched under her, growling like a rabid animal and grabbing on the bed board, making the entire bed creak under the pressure of his hold. Erika quivered, feeling the mindless need to feel that same strength on her own body, bending her and holding her down.

She so desperately wanted to scream. She wasn’t thinking clearly any longer. 

When pleasure hit her, rolling into her lower belly and exploding through her, making her shake uncontrollably, Kyle caught her and held her, releasing his hold on her throat and letting her breathe. “Good girl,” he praised, cradling her, not stopping for one second fucking her and not allowing her to slow on Will either. “Give it to us, baby,”

Erika cried their names as pleasure muffled all her other senses. Her quivering body squeezed on the boys as she abandoned herself against Kyle’s chest, letting him guide her movements.

Will came first, right after her, following the waves of her pleasure. Kyle moaned too, feeling Will’s dick release inside of her. “That’s it, big boy,” he praised, “fill her pretty pussy up.”

Will filled her up with his hot seed and, whining and groaning, pulled on his handcuffs leaving marks on his wrists. Feeling his pleasure pump inside of her made her feral. Erika was ready to howl like a dog, feeling pure satisfaction in the idea he had just branded her. 

As soon as he was done, Kyle propped her up and continued fucking her, following Will and doing exactly the same thing. He pushed her head up just so he could trap her lips in a famished kiss, suffocating her whimpers as he fucked her mercilessly until he reached his own pleasure, filling her up a second time. Rode his orgasm suffocating his moans in the crook of her neck, hands grabbing on her body like he was trying his best to hold onto something, not to get washed away in his own orgasm.

Erika was a quivering mess. Her mind was completely fogged up and disconnected, to the point she wasn’t entirely aware of the sweet things Kyle chanted in her ear as he untied her wrists and laid her down.

The first thing she felt other than the hot waves of deep pleasure sex just gave her, was the cold air tickling her sweaty skin as she felt completely uncovered for the first time. She had been naked a long time by now, but she always had one boy or the other, or both on her at all time, up to that moment.

Kyle climbed above Will’s chest, full of praising words for him too as he pulled her panties out of his mouth. “You are a good, pretty boy, you know that?” he wondered softly, sliding a hand across Will’s jaw fondly.

Will smiled, not hiding the pink blushing his cheeks. “Thanks, darlin’” he patiently waited for Kyle to unlock his handcuffs, only to sit up with the Aussie in his lap and grab him by the neck as soon as he was free. “Next time you’ll be the one begging for daddy,”

Kyle looked into his eyes for a long time and then, as he slid his arms on Will’s shoulder, they both smiled at each other.

Erika rolled to her side, looking at them with a warm feeling spreading in her belly. She wasn’t only smitten by them. It was stronger than that. She needed to touch them so bad it hurt.

“Just kiss already,” she hinted, stretching in the bedsheets, trying to find some comfort for her tired body. She was exhausted and yet had enough strength left in her to still offer a cheeky smile to the both of them as they looked down at her. “I know you want to,” she purred, looking at Will.

Kyle and Will looked back at each other. The Aussie cupped Will’s face, caressing his cheeks, making him look up at him. “Do you, baby?”

“Call me baby one more time and I’ll lick the floor for you, pretty boy.”

Kyle pressed his smile on Will’s lips. Just like it had been for her, Will took a moment to melt into that new embrace, but when he did, she slid his arms around Kyle, pulling him into a hug. Their kiss was quick to heat up. When she saw their tongues flick as they made out, she was sure she felt it in her lower abdomen. Hearing their breath quicken only made Erika quiver under her own skin. Pure lust flooded through her, lighting her body up once again. 

She pushed herself up and slid close to them, kissing Will on the shoulder and then leaning on Kyle’s. “You’ll drive me insane boys.”

Both Kyle and Will looked back at her, welcoming her in their hug. “Good,” Will kissed her forehead and Kyle her cheek, making her feel their affection.

She felt so grateful and lucky.

“You know what’s the funniest part of this entire thing, mate?” Wondered Kyle, hanging on Will’s shoulders.

“What, bruv?”

“You will have to tell Mark you are fucking his sister.”

“Ah, fuck,” Will let himself fall backwards into the pillows, only pretending defeat, as both Kyle and Erika laughed.

[tiredassmage]

something something, back to the beginning with 7.5, something something spend nearly half your life doing something, something memories, something totally probably not at all actually related to the plot of the patch, but something something excuse for me to write cheesy flirt lines-- self-indulgent as hell little brainworm of an exchange that may or may not actually happen but i sure as hell had fun putting tyr through it xD loosely inspired by the premise of returning to hutta for 7.5 and name-dropping one of the new characters, so technically some kind of spoilers but. obvs we don't know much and this is just. deeply, deeply self-indulgent fun on my part for now, lol. [but that kind of stuff is under the cut, if that is important to your reading choices <3]

“We have been to Hutta before,” Vector recalls. They step up to the agent’s shoulder as Tyr leans into the doorway, cocking one foot over the other.

Tyr grunts, “Somehow.., I’m inclined to doubt much has changed in…” A grimace starts to pull the agent’s features tighter around his eyes, as if counting the years might make the aches settle deeper. “Oh, twenty years, almost.., isn’t it?”

Vector hums thoughtfully. “Much has changed, agent,” they remind gently, “But… not so much, all the same, we concur.” They watch the agent’s eyes scan the distant swamp for a moment, noting the restless toy of his hands along the fit sleeves of the overcoat he wears.

They recall a saying on the ways of old habits…

“We suppose not all things can improve with age.”

A sharp, loud huff leaves their companion. Vector begins to smile. It’s enough to still Tyr’s hands - they instead fold together across his waist, supporting the agent’s lean. Out of the corner of their eyes, Tyr’s own narrow as they turn on him, mockingly accusatory.

“Vector Hyllus… I’m going to assume good faith.”

“Of course, agent,” they reply. Their smile widens under the mounting suspicion. “We have known plenty to admire a fine vintage.”

Tyr doesn’t quite manage to choke back a bark of laughter beneath a hand flying up to his mouth, nor does it entirely conceal his smile and the brush of color that enters his cheeks. Vector mercifully turns their eyes back out to the smog-hugged buildings awaiting them. Shortly, Tyr clears his throat. “You know I prefer Kaasi brandy myself.”

“Of course. You’ve always had a most enlightening taste, agent.”

Tyr coughs lightly and shakes his head. “Ah… right. So.”

“So,” Vector allows. “We… are not familiar with this… ‘Yusinduu,’ agent. It will be our first time in the district.”

“Right.” And just like that, a familiar lighting bolt clarity clears Tyr’s eyes. He pushes off from the doorway and waves Vector down the ramp with him, sweeping his jacket over the holsters at his hips. “Stay close, for now. If Hutts are reliable for anything, it’s an eye for profitable motives-”

Even that brief smile was well worth the diversion. They follow after the Commander, tucking their hands into their pockets.

“Do you think there is any relation, agent?”

Tyr begins to frown - a familiar brush of durasteel and the first gasp of rain-heavy air from the horizon. “I wouldn’t be surprised in the least,” he says.

His eyes skim the edges of the streets over Vector’s shoulders. “You know, I think you owe me a drink-” A cover for the agent’s sentiment to find a place to observe the local hum.

He claps a hand to Vector’s shoulder with a grin, eyes clear of the aged rhythms thrumming in battle-tested veins, no doubt. His fingers squeeze carefully around their shoulder and his voice drops for only a moment, “If I know anything about Hutta, it’s that we’re all good for someone… for the right price.” Stay close. Stay vigilant.

Tyr’s eyes face forward again, easily slipping through unfamiliar streets - enough heaviness in forward steps to keep their path clear and draw only the barest of curious glances. New faces on Hutt-controlled streets aren't uncommon. Nine wants them just under the radar. For now.

“Let’s see who we should be today, hm?”

[violet-amet]

still on the depression boat. im sleepy so this might be my last vent tonight.

im struggling a lot with how im trying to handle myself. im fine with being average and mediocre, but i also want to do better and get better. but i suck at some things. and struggle with self expression.

i also want to write more original stories to challenge myself by doing my own thing. i love dabbling in fanfics, but i think staying comfortable in familiarity would not help me out much. but i think i also feel guilty for relying on established characters to be happy. its dumb, but thats just how i feel.

i dont mind experimenting and doing my own stuff, but there is comfort in tackling the familiar. its fun too and self indulgent. but its like having cake all the time, its not that nourishing or fulfilling to me. i dont mind it, but i need to find a balance.

ill still write fanfics ofc. it helps me get through the hard times.

i might dabble into really old ocs again from time to time, and find things out writing and story wise. i miss my goofy characters. and i also wish to explore my own sort of thing, using what i wrote so far as inspiration.

i also dont want to be a plagiarist. lmao~. but experimenting more may give me what im looking for in my stories, and maybe, i can find my own special oc again. i have a lot of them, but something more fun in a way that reminds me why i love my own ocs. why i create my stories.

like, a friend's really old oc that got me here in the first place. but i need to work this out myself, i think. it may not have the charisma as some of my current favorites, but i think it could be fun.

hm.

but i also want to please my monster fucker lover side so badly. god i wish i was creative!

[marvellousstawler]

Marvo, you're making the thing wrong.

It occurred to me that I'm not using my tumblr for its intended purpose. (I have honestly probably made more posts about what the blog's purpose is than actually using it for anything, which is very like me). It's "Marvo makes a thing," not "here is a piece of thing Marvo is making."

It's a progress blog. I shouldn't be waiting until the progress is "worth reporting;" monumental, or specific to just one big project, or entertaining/useful to the beautiful 10 of you who see this. I should be treating ALL progress as significant, even if it's small, even if it's self-indulgent (or "not important"), even if there's nothing. No matter who does or does not see it.

For like a month-ish I've been journaling my Art, Writing and Reading progress (yes, reading is difficult for me), in a small notebook. Starting from now I will be endeavouring to post those progress entries here for everyone to see. To hold myself accountable, maybe? Or, maybe, someone else will find it inspiring (which would be heccin awesome), either by copying the idea or by getting competitive, I guess. I have a slight worry that I'm going to put someone down by "gloating", but at the same time, acknowledging my own progress isn't gloating! I work 9-5 and more and more these days I feel like I'm doing "nothing." It's the responsibility of Past Marv to remind Future Marv that she IS doing stuff and she's doing just fine.

I had previously made Tuesday my journal day, so I'll post an entry today, but going forward it should probably be Monday. D&D is today! Don't expect consistency, though. The sheer volume of digital ink spilt on the apparent "purpose" of this blog should attest to my fickleness.

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 15: Vague Blogging Troped

I have done literally nothing all day except sleep and work on this Troped fic that I’m apparently writing now. Which is fine, it’s Saturday, whatever. I feel like most of life including work and the concept of two day weekends is pretty fake, and so it’s hard to feel any sort of emotion about, hey, I have to go back to work soon and also do a bunch of stuff like grocery shop, etc. Tomorrow I really, really need to do laundry, as in literally wash all the clothes I own. I’m hoping it will make me feel productive and accomplished and not just, like, tired and blah. And maybe I can continue to get some fic planning or even writing in.

On the one hand, having this fic come up and bite me in the ass is a little frustrating, because I really have a lot of stuff I need to do, and even within the time I devote to writing, I have certain projects that I want to prioritize here, like SGAU and July Break Bingo. But on the other, I’ve also been really floundering trying to pick a project I’m interested in and/or get SGAU going because I’ve been really struggling with it. I’m hoping the enthusiasm I currently have for this idea will keep up and I’ll actually write it and have fun. I could use that experience, even if it’s not in the service of one of my 50000 WIPs. What I’m most worried about is that I start this thing, don’t finish/hit a wall, and decide it’s an idea I like and don’t want to abandon, but can’t work on now, and then I end up putting it on the WIP list. More fics is not the direction I want this monster to grow, you know?

It would have been convenient to have this Troped round drop before I went on vacation, or for my vacation to have been later, but that’s okay. I don’t have regrets about how I actually spent the time off. My tentative plan for the actual-writing of this monster is to get in the habit of showering a little earlier and the writing before I go to sleep. I think the combination of a deadline (not particularly soon but soon enough given the length of this thing) and being a little sleepy while I write/in that place where I don’t give a fuck and don’t get self-conscious, will help me write it without angst. Also without TOO much disruption to my routine. And who knows, maybe getting back into the routine of writing and reminding myself how good it feels will help with other writing projects like the old WIPs I want to resurrect, or SGAU, etc. I’m just trying to be realistic here.

I really can’t say anything specific about the Troped fic, obviously, because it is anon, but I will say it is ambitious, but hopefully fun (for me), complex but still indulgent and on brand, very long, and so far very exciting for me. I hope it’s exciting for others at some point too!

[topazadine]

I'm not sure how everyone completely missed the title.

Things that immediately turn me off a fiction book

Yes, please read it again.

Things that immediately turn me off a fiction book

"No opinion is universal. No feelings are universal. What one person finds to be awful writing is what someone else would consider a masterpiece."

That's right! I'm aware! That's why the title of this is:

Things that immediately turn me off a fiction book

"As if writing fanfic means you're a subpar writer, inferior to original fiction. Fuck that, and fuck anyone who thinks that."

I wrote over 1 million words of fanfiction, but sure, okay, yes, I'm obviously elitist. Clearly I just hate all fanfic writers and think every single one of them is subpar despite, you know, writing it myself.

It's simply a fact that there's a bunch of shitty fanfiction out there. Doesn't mean that all fanfiction is bad, but most fanfiction is written by younger writers who haven't gained their skills yet, and that's fine.

The thing is that published writing should be more polished than fanfiction because people are paying money for it. Which is why, if you're writing original fiction for a market audience, you need to actually do a good job. You don't have to do a good job with fanfic if you don't want to.

Fanfic is for fun, fiction books are for selling. Fanfic can be boring and self-indulgent. Fiction books cannot.

"Demanding people cater to the most anti-reading readers. You could be writing instead of reading? Is reading such a goddamn chore?"

I have an Associate's degree in Liberal arts, a Bachelor's degree in British literature, and a Master's degree in International Relations. Yes, actually, reading can be quite the chore. Trust me. I suffered through an entire semester of the most boring-ass dry international relations screeds imaginable before getting to the fun stuff (organized crime).

Someone who does not realize that reading can be a chore may not have had to read Anne-Marie Slaughter before (good for you). Get back to me when you're neck deep in the State Department Trafficking in Persons report. Or, going further back, try to read Atomik Aztex without some headache medication. I had to read it three times to complete my Honors College thesis.

Anyone who has completed any form of reading at the college level or above can tell you that reading can be exhausting and annoying. Especially if they don't understand half the damn thing. Reminds me of when I broke down crying trying to remember all the clades while completing my gap year in biology (I am not good at biology).

When I am reading for fun, I do not want it to be a chore. Because I'm doing it for fun. I already did eight years of Hard Mode College Reading and I don't want to do any more.

Write your way. Ignore OPs godawful "advice" and write YOUR way.

Sure, do what you want. I don't care. It's no skin off my back. I just won't read it and neither will many others.

People like OP seem to think every book needs to cater to their tastes or else it's bad writing, when in reality, every book just needs to cater to the author's taste.

No, every book does not just need to cater to the author's taste if you're selling it. Otherwise you will sell one singular copy to yourself. If you are writing fiction for a market, you have to care about an audience.

That is fanfic mindset, which is fine for fanfic. Original fiction meant for a larger audience is not the same. A book does need to cater to more than you if you want to sell anything. If you have the same mindset for market fiction that you have for fanfiction, you are going to be in for a world of hurt.

But anyway, I don't think every book needs to cater to me and only me, which is why I titled my post

Things that immediately turn me off a fiction book

This is just my opinion. You have your opinion. You're free to have any opinion you want. I'm sharing my own perspective, based on 15 years of writing and, oh, I don't know, 28 years of reading, so it might be worth something.

Things that immediately turn me off a fiction book

I'm pretty picky with what I read, because the time I spend reading is time that I could spend writing. I generally know if I will like a book within the first chapter, and I feel no shame in giving up if I'm not vibing with it.

And no, I don't believe in the "oooh read further it warms up" because does it? Does it really? Do I want to waste time finding out?

Frankly, at this point in life, I read more nonfiction than fiction because there's just so. many. bad. books. that are getting published. Worse than fanfictions.

Anyway, here are the things that make me give up. Maybe hearing this will help you as you write your own masterpiece.

Too Many Proper Nouns

Three characters maximum in the first chapter or two. Do not throw dozens of people at me. I will get confused and give up. Let me get to know the main character, by themself or with a few of their closest companions, before you make me remember everyone else. And go deep with those characters! I want someone to stick with!

You can reference other characters, to create a sense of a deeper world, but do not go all-in on them. Make it clear that they are just there to provide a bit of context, and we don't have to remember them yet. We should only be meeting three characters maximum.

Throwing Us Immediately Into a Dramatic Action Point

This is controversial I know, but I hate when something immediately starts with a battle. I don't care if any of these people live or die. I don't know them. I haven't grown attached to any of them.

Even just a page or two to get to know them first will help. You can have them gearing up for a battle, thinking about what's going to happen, maybe talking to their friends, maybe checking their armor, whatever feels natural for them. But do not just start with stabbing people! I don't care about them yet!

Too Many Details

Many this is just me, but I simply do not care about every piece of armor your character is wearing. I don't need to hear a play-by-play of every single color of every single thing because I don't care. Pick out a few specific things for me to focus on and that's it. Stop overloading me with colors and patterns and armor styles.

Yes, yes, you've done your research on historically accurate gear. That's great. It would be good for a movie. But if I have to look up different armor pieces every five seconds, I am glossing over it and moving on. I don't care. I'm here for the story. If I wanted an infodump about medieval armor, I would simply pick up a nonfiction book (and maybe I will).

White Space Syndrome

Tell me what the overall scene looks like instead of all these hyperspecific details of certain objects, like carts or emblems or whatever. I want to know where I am!!

Don't just say "a forest." Tell me what kind of forest. Tell me if it's a young forest or an old snarly forest or a swampy forest or a cold alpine forest.

Don't just say "a castle." Tell me if it's a bustling castle or a gloomy castle or a rundown castle.

Don't just say "on the sea." Cold sea? Tropical sea? Far far away from land or is land in sight? These are the things I want!

Too Much Backstory

For the love of god do not explain the entire history of this culture in the first chapter. The first chapter is for getting to know the characters we're going to be following. You can introduce those things slowly and carefully as the story unfolds.

I get that fiction writers are delighted by all the worldbuilding (or research, in historical fiction) they have done. But the reader does not care right away. They need to get invested before all those little specifics matter at all. My eyes glaze over and I give up because I don't want to have to remember all of that all at once. It's like you just threw a college textbook at my face.

Plus, if you're doing third-person limited, you have to remember that the character is not going to be thinking all of that! They won't say all of that either! Because they know all of that!

Even a general on the brink of a major battle is not going to go "yes, this all dates back to when we took Iuanfutila back in 181, when the brave Iuanfutilans protested the rule of our Yawwbaawnwhryr leaders ...." They are focused on the present moment, and they may discuss the backstory later. Tell us what we need to know now because that is what the character would be thinking too.

"Oh, but Topazadine, how will the readers understand the context if I don't tell them??"

There's a battle. Two groups are at war. Or something was stolen. Or two people are fighting. Whatever. We understand those things. We can get the basic gist of how things are going to play out by just showing us these things happening. Then, as we have gotten a feel for the characters, you can tell us more about the context.

If you walk into a store that's being held up by an armed robber, do you give a shit about his backstory, or do you only care once that person has been arrested and you have to testify? I think we know the answer. You're not going "ohhh why is he doing this??" at first. You're going "HOLY SHIT THERE'S A GUN WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN NOW???" and then you'll care about the other stuff later.

Too Much Play-by-Play

I also do not need a play by play of a fight scene. I need to know the general movements, and then the overall atmosphere. I want to feel what the character feels rather than feel like I'm watching a football game.

Your reader will fill in the gaps if you give them enough information, but when you overload them with every single action, they're now trying to keep track of what went where instead of how this moment is supposed to feel. And now the action and drama has gone out of the writing because it's become a manual of fighting techniques.

Pointless Dumb Conversations

"Oh, could you turn around for me? I want privacy."

"Sure, of course, I'm a respectable man." Manfred knew that a lady-in-waiting would be unsettled by the presence of a strange man, so he wanted to be respectful.

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Oh my god no one cares!!! No one!! We don't need this exchange. Cut it. This is stupid. Unless something is actually happening or something is meaningful about them saying this, shut up.

How to Not Write a Horrible First Chapter That Makes People Ragequit

Can you tell I'm mad today? I started and stopped three different books because they were all so bad.

Three characters max in the first chapter, with deep discussion of each. (One or two is better.) General appearance, demeanor, profession, whatever.

Restrain the urge to infodump! Dribble it out over the chapter!

Give the setting more attention than random little details that ultimately do not matter. I don't need to know the pattern of the curtains on the horsecart that's about to be burnt. Don't care.

Do not give a play by play of every single action that a character takes because it's boring and no one cares.

In media res is great but do NOT start with a big climactic intense battle or fight or whatever because we don't know these characters and don't know who to root for (or why we should care).

Your character is not going to give us a history lesson in why this conflict is happening. Do not do it yourself either. Give us just enough to get intrigued and no more. Think how your characters would think and what they would prioritize in discussions.

If a conversation is just pleasantries and has no purpose, drop it, we don't care.

[mcmoth]

BOIS

The aro c!Tommy propoganda is done.

Here:

Friends can be Home, too

Summary:

Love. The thing that supposedly drove the world, that made everyone happy. He thought he knew love. But maybe… maybe not. Maybe there has been something deeply, intangibly wrong about him this whole time, and he hadn't even known. Not to this extent.

'Cause he knew before. Knew it in the unease in his bones, and the panic in his brain, and the annoyed buzz in his chest. But… but he had doubted.

 He couldn't doubt anymore.

A journey of introspection, self doubt, and realizing you're not alone.

Or read on ao3!

Warnings: swearing, internalized arophobia, which includes self doubt, a bit of self hate, that sort of stuff. Also, this will have like, mentions of attraction and all that stuff, and Tommy gets pretty confused, so if you'd like to avoid that? This isn't the fic for you, ig. Btw, as a reminder, this is all set in the dsmp universe and is not about the irl people in any way.

Now onto the fic!

Welp.

Tommy sure is ready to stab someone right now.

Well, not really. More accurately he wanted to run, or shrivel up into a fucked up raisin, or snap, or just exist in darkness right now. Because there were his two best friends, cuddling on the couch. And he was sat there, next to them, supposed to be enjoying movie night.

It's not like he wasn't happy for them. They can do what they want, he reminded himself, again and again. They're just expressing their love, they're just close, and Tommy has to stop being such a fucking oddball about it. This wasn't weird. It wasn't weird.

And he could even see Ranboo giving him looks, probably about to ask something stupid. But if he made any comment, expressed discomfort, that would just be him being a dick and a weirdo. He's not going to ruin this for them. He just has to… to ignore it. To ignore it. He can do that. Yes.

“You alright, Tommy?”

Tommy's jaw snapped, he could feel his teeth grinding, and the couch was feeling all too small. So with a fast raise to his feet, he stumbled away, throwing a brash “fine" Ranboo's way, something burning deep in the pit that was his chest.

It was fine. It was fine. Why wasn't it fine? What the fuck was wrong with him??

Maybe he was just…

Jealous.

 

***

 

“I think I have a crush on Hannah.”

Tubbo and Ranboo stilled. The silence was… bad.

“oh?”

Tommy gulped, anxiously crinkling the chip bag he got from targay. “Y-yeah.”

Tubbo hummed. “I've never seen you interact with her much. When… did that start?”

Tommy's mind buzzed, and he resisted crushing the food in his hands, reclining heavily against the backrest of the bench. “I-I don't know, uh, recently? I guess? She's just… nice. She uh…. Has pretty hair? And she gave me a flower once! That was just, swe- uh, poggers of her, so. Yeah. I just think… yeah.”

Tubbo nodded, head tilting. “Do you think she likes you back?”

Tommy's eyes widened, and he didn't know why he laughed, but he did, and when he responded, he himself was taken aback by the hiss accompanying the words. “No!! She- why would- no- no, I mean… m-ma- I don't know??”

Ranboo swung his tail. “She better not. I mean, how old is she?”

“What does that matter?”

Ranboo stared. “You’re a child. Technically.”

Tommy bristled. “Fuck you, I am a big man! I'll kill you!”

The conversation moved on after that, and Tommy, somewhere along the way, quickly got lost. Head filled with cotton, electricity running through his veins, feeling horribly, oddly, humiliated and strangely… dissatisfied.

They didn't care. And he just felt more confused than ever.

…Why did he even do that?

 

***

 

Tommy was walking, grass up to his knees, a lead in hand. When he reached the village, he tied it to a fence, patting his borrowed horse before placing feet on the path, comforted by the gravel crunching beneath his feet, the feel of the sun on his neck. He looked around, at the wooden houses and half stacked stalls and idle chatter. He looked around and he thought.

He thought back to older days. This was… strangely nostalgic. Walking alone, in an unfamiliar town, the vastness of the world enveloping him in it's many potentials. He still wasn't sure when he felt better. Running around on the streets, just trying to survive, noone by his side, weak but naïve, hopeful. Or now, with some people to care for and trust, a place to return to, enough food in his pack, but shouldered with the weight of a dozen betrayals, life slipping past him three times too many. In a sense, he was still just trying to survive. Everything was so different now, yet the same.

He supposes, one thing that remained, was the sense of loneliness.

He grasped the front of his shirt, taking in the beating of his heart, looking at the strangers mingling amongst themselves. At the pairs, at the couples, at the families, sharing laughs and smiles, a contrast to the furrowed brows or tired amusement of shopkeepers and the idle folk visiting them.

He had always wanted a family.

…there was one way to get a family.

Someone to share laughs with. Someone who would comfort you. Someone who would take your hand, or hold you through the night, and never even leave. Someone who promises to stay.

It was a nice thought.

So why was it so hard to conceptualize? To imagine, to picture someone actually coherent, to look at a person and go – yes. I want to be your partner.

...eugh. just that sentence made his whole nervous system do a double take.

But why? Why? Was it the betrayals? Was it some fucked up self conscious mind shit? Was that it? Was he just fucked up in the head? Maybe.

Maybe.

But as it is, he knew he liked girls. He did. He liked them. They were… they were nice. Like Niki, who smelled of baked goods, and had a soft smile, and who had once given him a hug when she found him crying during the revolution, and who looked very nice in dresses. Or Puffy, who had made him a pickaxe when he asked for one, and who opposed Jack in stealing his hotel, and who offered him therapy, and she had really cool horn rings. Or Hannah, with her red flowers, and pretty builds, and the way the nature seemed just a bit more lively with her around, and her laugh was bright with mischievous intent that he could empathize with. They… they were nice. Yeah. Most girls were so nice.

So why… why hadn't he found one that he could. Actually picture doing… anything. In his head. No kissing, no dates, none of that… shmuck. It was just… he could see many girls his age running around, just now, in front of his eyes, many running through his mind as he searched his memories. None of them… no. And he tried thinking of boys, but that didn't… no. Not that either. …Enbies?

No… no, nothing… nothing felt. Good. None of it felt good, he just felt sick, he just felt weird, he didn't even feel dirty per se, but more like he was charting into foreign grounds, into something alien, and none of the thoughts he forced to visualize behind his eyelids, fleeting from how quickly he shut them out, felt like him. It didn't feel like him.

His fingers trembled, his chest felt tight, throat choked, and his head, on his shoulders, heavy and woozy and oh so muddled. He felt his heart race. Was… was that it? Maybe that was a sign. People said heart racing was a sign of attraction. Was there anyone in particular who did that? Maybe he was wrong – he was not lacking or messed up or broken, he just had buried the feelings so deep below his ribs, underneath fabricated doubts and trauma and the disconnect he had with reality and relationships in general, and once he got over those barriers, and just found someone, he would experience that joy that everyone spoke about. That closeness. He just had to… allow himself to get closer. To know more people, know them better.

That was… that was probably it.

But no matter. He raised his eyes, his senses coming back to him like the wind blowing his hair out of his eyes, blinking at the noise around him.

After all, he still came here for a reason.

 

***

 

“Yeah, I like these ones the best,” Tubbo said as he handed Tommy the various colored discs. Tommy nodded, smiling as he sorted through them, writing down the names in his notepad, feeling little stones dig into his elbows. Tubbo joined him fully on the ground, laying down next to him. “What do you need these for, anyways?” he blinked, and there was a smirk growing on his face. “Are they for… someone?”

Tommy furrowed his brows, staring at the other. “What?”

Tubbo chuckled nervously, waving his hand around as he stumbled over his words. “You- you know. Like a gift? Are you going to… to try to, get someone?”

Tommy’s stare just became sharper, becoming even more confused. “What??” What the fuck was he talking about?

“You know, like a- a date?” Tommy blanked. “Cause- you know, you've been talking about girls a lot lately, and I just thought-"

“No.” Tommy interrupted, feeling numb. “No, it's not for a fucking girl.”

“Oh.” Tubbo laid on the grass, clearly uncomfortable. He began to tear up the leaf he had picked up. “Sorry, I just thought- I'm not really good at this whole thing… sorry for assuming. W- …what is the reason, then?”

Tommy sighed, thankful for the topic change. “It's for… you know how I’m going to therapy?”

Tubbo hummed in affirmation.

“Puffy suggested that, since I like music, I should like, indulge in that, use it to calm myself or give myself something to do, that junk. So I’ve just been. Collecting, I guess.” He looked over the list again, then closed the notepad and sat up, discs in hand. “I wanna build a place where I just keep all the records, maybe I’ll even sell the ones I don't like. Good business practice, you know?”

Tubbo brightened. “Oh! That sounds really cool! If you need help with the building part, I can help you, by the way!”

Tommy looked at Tubbo's grin, so sweet and infectious, and his heart thawed, thinking of working with Tubbo again, building towards something together. It was a nice thought. “Alright.”

It would be nice to be with Tubbo again.

 

***

 

Tommy felt miserable.

This… this was miserable. He didn't know why. It really shouldn't be – it was just music. He was just sorting through all of his music, picking ones he liked, picking ones to comfort him, he loved music, it was fine, it just…

Why did so many of the songs have to be about love.

It made him feel angry and hurt and alone in a particular way that was so familiar and yet so utterly different. Because when he felt alone before, he fought with himself the same, he sunk into the thoughts of being unlovable or broken or undeserving of company, but at least he could understand it. At least he could look back now and think “Dream was a bitch" and that would be some solace. At least he could have hope that even if he was unlovable, he could still love. Love others. Try to seek others. Even if he never got that back.

But now, hearing all the poetics and sweet confessions that were in such abundance, something that sounded so passionate and revered, so integral, it was like looking into another reality he didn't, couldn't, understand, and suddenly, he felt more alien than ever before.

And most importantly, how fucking stupid that was, that the thing that made him feel that way was love.

Love. The thing that supposedly drove the world, that made everyone happy. He thought he knew love. But maybe… maybe not. Maybe there has been something deeply, intangibly wrong about him this whole time, and he hadn't even known. Not to this extent.

Cause he knew before. Knew it in the unease in his bones, and the panic in his brain, and the annoyed buzz in his chest. But… but he had doubted.

He couldn't doubt anymore.

God….

He laid on the ground, head to the cold floor, the record still spinning. The noise bounced off the dark wooden walls and into his skull, grating and aching. He covered his ears, messed up his hair, breathed in and out. In and out. What was wrong. What was wrong.

The record fell to silence. Then it started back again, as it automatically swapped out. Next.

His fingers felt restless, his whole body did. He tapped his skull, feeling the thumps echo. Breathe in, and breathe out. Breathe-

“-ow will I ever know you enough to love you, if you're hiding who you are?

Don't ask me to explain-"

He startled, his breath catching. This disc was scratchier than the others. It felt different. Something in him drew in the lyrics, head loud. He blinked.

…He's not hiding. Is he? Hiding what? He’s- no. Just- Breathe in-

“-Who are you hiding from, across the table with a penny in each eye?

Don't ask me to explain, don’t ask me to explain-"

His breath escaped, arms trembling as his body froze. He didn't understand. He couldn't explain. He wanted to cry. Something was unravelling.

“I'd like to marry all of my close friends, and live in a big house together by an angry sea,”

He sobbed.

He did, he thought, with surprise, as the tears fell.

“Am I the devil's marbles don't move on without me,

Who will be watching my body when I sleep?

Who will I believe in?”

Something… yeah.

Something happened.

Because suddenly, all that stress, all that confusion, all that loathing, was detangling, and the tears ran deep, ran painful, silent, wheezing screams escaping as the sobs continued. He couldn't breathe. His chest was tight. His head swam, and he felt oh so light headed. Light. He felt light. Happy. He felt alive.

He felt understood.

He- he wanted that! He could- he wanted to live with his friends, with Tubbo with Ranboo. He wanted to stay as friends. He wanted them to protect him, to be able to trust them, to be able to protect them in turn, he wanted to reside with them, he wanted to sleep amongst them, to have them watch over him, safe, he wanted to wake up in the morning and see the sun rise with then, he wanted to have casual dinner with them, he wanted to grow old together with them. As friends. As friends.

Friends.

What a lovely thing…

He could… he could live with his friends…

He could build a family with his friends.

And he didn't even care at that moment that he didn't know how Tubbo and Ranboo would feel about that. He didn't care whether they'd want him at their house, whether they'd want him around at all. He didn't even care, at that moment, if he couldn’t join them.

Because he realized that it was a possibility at all. Just the prospect, just the thought, the realization, that spending your life, being intimate, finding a stable ground, with your friends, not romantic partner, was possible, that it was possible to not be able to feel otherwise, that it was shared by other people, who wrote this song, who sung it, who had thought about it…

It meant he couldn't be that alone after all.

“It's so easy to lie to myself,

And pretend that I could love you, but I can't"

And oh so comforting it was, that he couldn't.

 

***

 

“Ey, Ranboo! Bitchboy!”

Ranboo suppressed a smile, an exasperated sigh hissing through his teeth. Tail swishing, he glanced to the other boy, who was down below, standing in the snow.

“C'mere!! I gotta give you something.” He yelled.

Ranboo raised a brow, but complied, closing the window he had been looking out of. After making a quick detour to check on Michael, he made his way down the stairs and stepped out of the doorway and into the light. Tommy bounded to him, big grin on his face. He seemed jumpier than usual. Ranboo smiled in turn. “what is it?”

Tommy opened his mouth, then closed it, instead going to rummage through his bag. What he took out was a… box? “Here, fuckboy.”

Ranboo winced, taking the container. “Don't call me that.”

“Why, what does it mean?”

Ranboo stared. “Just…. Don't.”

Tommy blinked, laughing nervously. “o-okay.”

Moving on, Ranboo inspected the item in his hands. It was medium sized, and made of simple, but elegant, smooth black wood. On the top, there was a leather sign embedded in it, with the word Beloved stitched into it. His ears flickered. This seemed… awfully nice. “What’s in it?”

Tommy scoffed. “Just open it, you twat.”

Ranboo, with a glance, could see the anxious way Tommy was holding himself, seeming impatient and uncomfortable. So he wasted no more time, and clicked open the surprisingly sturdy iron latch after a moment of struggling, and what awaited him inside was…

“…Discs…?”

Ranboo held his breath, fingers twitching as he held the gift. …was it a gift?

Tommy was staring at the ground. “Yeah. You know, I’ve just been traveling around, collecting, and I wanted to…” He seemed to shake himself lightly, hands wringing. “I wanted to give you some, I guess. That… yeah. These are yours.”

Ranboo was stiff, still perceiving the actual gift in his hands, that looked hand made, that was hand picked, that Tommy had worked to attain, just to give to him. His tail curled, and he carefully, delicately closed it's lid and hugged it close to his chest. “I… Thank you. Thank- O-oh wow…”

Tommy scowled. “You look like a fish. It's not a big deal. Just… take a listen sometime, won't ya?”

“Y-yeah!” Ranboo reverently nodded, cursing the way his eyes felt misty. “Yeah, I’ll… I’ll definitely listen, and cherish it. Thank you, Tommy.”

Tommy curtly nodded. “Alright. Pog.” And then, he was turning around, walking away with a quick “Share it with your family, too, some day. Bye.” Thrown or his shoulder.

And then, he was gone.

 

***

Tubbo heard music down the hall.

Ears tilting towards the pleasant sound, he skipped with bare feet over to the source, evening light casting warm glow through the windows as he went. When he arrived, to what was Michael's bedroom, he found Ranboo on the couch, curled gently over their son, head resting on his little head as he seemed to just… listen, wistful. Michael was listening too, letting out a little yawn as he turned his head to snuggle even deeper into his parent's warm embrace. Tubbo smiled softly at the scene.

Quietly, he patted over to them both, Ranboo eventually noticing him and watching him as he did. Tubbo buried a hand in Ranboo's hair, and the other leaned in. “What are you listening to?”

Ranboo didn't rush to explain, letting the comforting silence fill the space. When he spoke, it reminded Tubbo of soft flower petals and honey. “I didn't know Tommy's music taste was so…”

Tubbo blinked, turning to the disc lazily turning on the jukebox near them.

“-But in the end, I don't really care what you think,

Cause the bottom line is you make me happier than I’ve ever been...”

“wholesome.” He chuckled, fondly.

Tubbo hummed, unsurprised. “Tommy gave you these?”

Ranboo leaned more heavily in the couch. “Yeah. I don't know why, but…”

Tubbo's smile only deepened as he thought. Slowly, he replied, “I think he just wanted to show you he cared.”

Ranboo seemed to lose his breath a little, looking up at the other. “You think so…?”

Tubbo carded his fingers through Ranboo's hair, looking past Ranboo's twitching ears. “Tommy doesn't do things like these without reason. If he gave you something, it’s safe to say you mean a lot to him. He doesn't like to show it, usually, but… that I know.”

Ranboo stared at the turning of the discs, breathing softly. His tail curled around Michael. “Oh.”

Tubbo sat down at his feet and joined in.

Hearts warm, they laid there and listened until the sun had cast it's last rays and the jukebox no longer had a melody to spin.

 

***

 

Tommy sat behind the counter, feet on the counter, just trying to eat his discount chips while some people were being dumb children.

“Stop throwing the fucking food! I'll have to clean this up later!” He whined, to which Tubbo and Ranboo just threw him a glance, Tubbo’s apathetic and Ranboo's at least vaguely guilty, before Tubbo went right back and threw another gummy worm Ranboo's way.

Tommy scowled. “Seriously. At least pick them up and eat them.”

Ranboo made a face of disgust. “I'm not gonna eat candy off the floor, Tommy.”

“Yeah, some of us don't eat mud, Tommy.” Tubbo added.

“There’s no fucking mud here! It's a clean floor! You can totally pick them up and eat them, what the fuck!”

Tubbo raised his brows, staring. “Okay, then go and eat them, trash boy.”

“Okay, that's it.” Tommy raised to his feet, left his chip bag on the table and ran to Tubbo. Tubbo squawked, crawling onto the armchair he was reclining in to curl into a ball around his bag, but Tommy just threw himself onto the armchair with him, trying to reach for the candy. Which, considering the position, it was more like he was half-tickling, half hugging the other more than anything. “Give me that.”

Tubbo just burst out laughing, trying to hide deeper into the couch, attempting to kick the other away. “St-Stoppp!”

“C'mon, you disobeyed my shop's rules, I’m just confiscati-"

Something hit his head. Tommy stilled.

Ranboo peeked from behind his own candy bag, before digging into it again.

Tommy laid off of Tubbo slightly, raising like a puffed up cat. “Ranboo, you fuck!”

Tubbo laughed again, and Tommy was about to go on a murder spree, only for all the commotion to halt when they heard a sudden 4th voice.

Michael.

“Oh shit.”

Ranboo sighed. “He's awake. C'mon.”

Tubbo sighed as well, rolling out of the couch and dragging his feet towards the source of the oinks. “For the record, this is not my fault.”

Both of the other boys gave him the stink eye, but in the name of preserving needed ceasefire they held their tongues.

Michael was sitting up in Tommy's bed that resided in the backrooms, rubbing sleep out of his eyes and hiccuping. Tubbo reached for him, lifting him up. “Aww, did we wake you up? I'm sorry, little bossman.”

Michael clutched Tubbo's shirt, muttering something in piglin.

“He's asking what all that noise was.” Tommy quickly translated, before turning his eyes back to the kid and saying something soft in piglin back. Michael listened, seeming to quiet a little.

Ranboo, gathering that it was an affirmation, smiled and took one of Michael's hooves gently. “Yeah, we were just having fun. Do you want to have fun, too, Michael?”

Michael’s big eyes widened, and he wiggled in Tubbo's grip. “Ye! Ye!”

They chuckled, and Tubbo transferred his hold of Michael to Ranboo, who led the way in making it back to the front of the shop, chatting with his son all the while.

Tommy bumped his shoulder with Tubbo's as they walked, but didn't say anything further. Tubbo bit back a grin.

The next hour was spent feeding Michael and letting him listen to some new discs. Tommy even remembered he had some records that were in piglin, some songs, some stories, and put them on, which seemed to enrapture Michael quite a bit, immersed in the new voices and tales and familiarity. The three boys let him sit in Ranboo's lap and get lost in his own world, residing on a couch together and quietly chatting, around them comfortingly dark walls, bookshelves and the smell of wood and candles.

Eventually, the conversation steered.

“You know, Tommy, why don't you join us?”

…huh?

Tommy blinked, willing his breathing to restart and for the words to come. “W-what?”

Tubbo looked at him with warm eyes and a trepidant smile. “Like, how would you feel about coming to Snowchester? Live with us?”

Ranboo waved his hand. “Of course, you don't have to! But we just thought, you know, if you'd like a bit more, uh, company…”

“We want to be with you, is all.” Tubbo added quietly.

Tommy's heart raced, and he only blinked more, hands clutching the fabric of his pants. “B- be with me… are you…” he gulped down the butterflies clogging down his windpipes, still trying to understand that this is real. “are you sure…?”

Ranboo grinned, patting Michael's head idly. The piglin looked up at them. “Yeah! You're family, Tommy, after all.”

Tubbo tilted his head. As Tommy was still struggling to respond, he assured, “You don't have to if you don't want to, big man. No pressure.”

Tommy laughed, weak and breathless, but bright. “No, I-I’d- I'd really want that, but…” he gestured, trying to put his worries to sudden coherent sentences. “wouldn't that be… awkward? Like… you two, just, l-lovebirds," he chuckled clumsily, “and then there's… me, just, there?”

Tubbo shared a look with Ranboo, then turned back and laughed. “You won't be a third wheel, if that's what you’re asking.”

“Yeah, it's not like we’re really romantic partners, even, it'll be fine.” Ranboo said.

Tommy stilled.

Blinked.

“Uhw- what?”

The other two tensed, Tubbo quickly glancing at his husband before grimacing, thinking deep on how to explain it. “You know, we… we're not really… romantic? We just decided to marry? But we're… not platonic either, it's…”

“I-It's something inbetween. Queerplatonic is the word? I think?”

“It's hard to explain-"

“There's- there's a word for that? And you were- Like. Friends? Living together, this whole time??” Tommy reeled, head in hand.

“Well, not exactly friends, or at least, with how we decide to label our relationship, but… yes?”

“Oh my-" Tommy slumped forwards, now both of his hands holding his head upright, just. Breathing. “Shit. What the fuck. I…” he laughed, wrecked.

Tubbo and Ranboo stared at him, uncomfortable. Tubbo frowned. “Look, if you… if you're gonna say something, I’d rather-"

“No- nono, it's…” he raised his eyes, slowly, like coming out of a cave and into the light. His words tripped upon his tongue, but he was so eager to know. “So you two don't want… romantic partners?”

They blinked. “Not… particularly, no.” Ranboo replied. “…are you okay?”

Tommy laughed. It sounded stilted even to his ears, senses muddled as he was wrapped up in his own head, his own elated feelings, his heart nearly bursting at the seams. “I-I’m not alone.”

Tubbo stared, but then his eyes softened. He sighed, and his smile was immensely gentle, while looking at his friend. “Oh, Tommy…” Ranboo, beside him, wilted the same.

Michael, inbetween them, looked at all three of them silently.

“…Do you want a hug?” Tubbo quietly offered.

Tommy quickly nodded, slumping into Tubbo's side and burying his face in Tubbo's soft hair, not even caring for the way one of his horns poked into his cheek slightly. He held the other, and Tubbo held him. He felt the end of Ranboo's tail drape over his leg.

With a delicate tone and worn vocal chords, he quietly, and simply, admitted. “I'd love that. I'd really love that. Living with you three.”

Tubbo tightened his hold.

That night, Tommy fell asleep not alone, but with his two other closest people, his family. Safe, warm, with that insistent nagging at the back of his chest cavity, that told him he was alone, that he was wrong about himself, that he never even knew himself at all, finally silenced.

He had never felt more at home.

[saeransboy]

Autumnal

Pairing: Saeran Choi / Male CMC (Rowan)

Word Count: 2942

Warnings: Chronic overthinking

Notes: this is for mystictober’s day 1 prompt: favorite character/rings!! knocked out two in one. entirely self-indulgent, just to get me in the writing spirit. 

you can also read this here on ao3!! enjoy!!

Between the warm tones of his sweater and the color of his hair, Saeran blends in against the red and orange leaves perfectly, his eyes being the only thing making him stand out. They’re fixed on the sinking sun in the distance, watching with a content expression as he fiddles with a piece of the chocolate chip cookie he had yet to finish between his fingers.

An autumn picnic had felt just right. It took a few weeks for Rowan to put it together, deciding on the right foods to bring, the perfect spot, and whether a surprise was acceptable or not, but he finally made the decision. Things had to be just the right balance between perfect and comfortable.

The food -- and the sheer amount of it -- was definitely overboard, but he knew it would be appreciated. Three types of cookies, ice cream, cinnamon rolls, cinnamon bread, chocolate pecan pie, brownies, and cupcakes had been carefully packed away, sectioned off into containers, stored either on the back seat or in the freezer box they had brought along.

For once, he had skipped using his motorcycle, instead choosing to borrow one of Saeyoung's cars. It was an SUV, with plenty of room in the backseat and the trunk for food storage. Most of them had been too cramped, or "too precious" -- though he was sure that would've been tossed out the window if he revealed his plans for the evening.

Of course, he didn't. He couldn't. If the answer was no, then it would make things devastatingly more awkward. And, in the hopes that it was a yes? Saeran wouldn't exactly be rushing to tell his brother. The enthusiasm the revelation would bring was something he would almost certainly have to brace himself for long ahead of time. That wasn't a problem for Rowan; he was willing to wait. If the answer was a yes.

The doubt bubbling up in his chest, he lets a sigh escape from his lips, tensing as his boyfriend glances over. Though the redhead doesn't say anything, the question is obvious. Is everything okay?

Shoving another helping of frosting into his mouth to keep himself from stuttering out anything stupid, he nods, taking his time swallowing. It looked ridiculous, he knew, but it gave him time to think of a suitable response. "I'm fine. Just… thinking. You know how difficult that is for me. I get worn out in seconds," he jokes.

Saeran rolls his eyes at the self-deprecating joke, flicking a sprinkle still stuck to his finger at his boyfriend. "You can think just fine. Oh, and your mouth is…" He gestures to his own lips, prompting Rowan to wipe at his mouth with the back of his hand. It's totally covered in black frosting; in his haste to keep himself quiet, he hadn't been careful to not make a mess.

He can't help but smile at the ridiculousness of it, running his tongue along his lips and wiping the rest away with a napkin. "Surprised you didn't try to get a taste, sweet tooth." Though he doubts his boyfriend would've been that bold, he wasn't one to shy away from the opportunity to tease.

Unsurprisingly, he only gets a huff in response, though he doesn't have to check to know there's a light dusting of pink on the redhead's cheeks. "I was wondering when you'd say something like that. You've been quiet."

Just like that, the soft smile on Rowan's face fades into a slight grimace. If Saeran was mentioning it, that was a problem. Quiet was rarely a bad thing to Saeran; in fact, he usually preferred it. The fact that he was saying it like it was a point of concern meant that there was nowhere to run; Rowan had been figured out, and his only options were to stay quiet and make things awkward, try and fail to weasel out of it, or fess up.

The first two options would almost certainly ruin the cozy mood, not to mention put them both on edge. Confessing and putting his plan into action was definitely a risk, but at least it had a chance of not going horribly, right? They had been together for three years. It was unlikely that all of that could be ruined by this, even in the worst-case scenario.

Wrapping his fingers around his cup of hot chocolate, Rowan takes a sip, grateful that the other man never called him out on his tendency to stall for thought. The drink is far cooled down now, the taste being more uncomfortable rather than satisfying and relaxing, so he catches one of the remaining marshmallows with his teeth to chew on.

It takes a couple of minutes before he's able to speak again, voice uncharacteristically soft. "I was planning something for a while, but now I'm second-guessing myself. Are you fine to talk about something… kinda, barely, a-bit-yes-a-bit-not serious? And maybe a little sappy? You can say no at any time, but I just wanna know whether to say it or finish off these cinnamon rolls and drop it."

Saeran pauses, considering it. Rowan always liked watching him think, whether it was something a bit serious or more mundane, like which ice cream he wanted Rowan to get from the fridge. Something about seeing his boyfriend lost in thought -- as long as it wasn't in a negative sense -- made him feel strangely happy.

Silently, Saeran nods, snapping the brunette out of his lovestruck trance. Taking in a shaky breath, the nervous man turns his gaze back towards the sunset. Why was it that all the words he had planned out decided to escape him now, of all times?

"So, uh," he starts, already feeling a grave irritation at himself for his clumsy entrance into the topic. Blue eyes watch the other man curl his knees up to his chest, getting comfortable in preparation for whatever words Rowan would be able to stutter out. "I've been thinking. Again. But, for longer, and with a lot more difficulty. Shocking, I know."

Rowan doesn't give time for his quip to sink in. "I care about you so much. I don't say it a lot because I don't wanna overload you with fluff, but even just sitting in silence with you makes me so overwhelmingly happy, happier than I've ever felt before. You've changed my life for the better. I won't go over all that again, because I don't want either of us to cry on our cozy little picnic, but you know you have. You're my favorite person, my best friend, and--" Wait. Shit.

"I'm not proposing," he says suddenly, a bit too loudly, putting his hands up. Saeran jumps a bit at the sudden outburst, making Rowan mumble a quiet apology, but he settles back down easily. "This is… not that. Nuh-uh. That wouldn't be a bad thing," he clarifies, "but that's not what's going on here."

Once the redhead nods in acknowledgment, he tries his best to continue, deciding to abandon the sappy build-up. "I was in the store picking up some ice cream and snacks to restock the minifridge, and, well, right by the entrance, there's the jewelry display. Apparently, they were having a sale, so I popped over to see if they had anything nice."

Reaching into his pocket, Rowan pulls out a tiny velvet pouch, tracing his fingers over the soft material. "Most of it was the normal shit: fake diamonds, overly eccentric junk, a bunch of things that look almost exactly alike being treated like the makers didn't just super-glue a different fake jewel in the same spot. But then I saw one that kinda reminded me of your sweater. I mean, the pearl on it is exactly the same color. And then I went, 'oh! His birthstone is a pearl!', and… ended up getting a bit attached."

His eyes flit up to gauge the other man's reaction. As expected, Saeran's face was almost unreadable, though he was definitely listening. Granted, he hadn't given him much to work with. Good job. You started out sighing and moping like it was some grand big deal and now you're telling him about your grocery store trip. Get to the point.

"I actually found out they were doing a 2-for-1 deal, so I decided if my brain wanted to get that one, I should get another. I was looking at different designs, but I found a pretty similar one, with a black jewel. That's pretty fitting for my style, so I picked it up, and it wasn't until I got out of the store that I realized they matched. Like, really well."

Undoing the drawstring, he shakes the two rings into the palm of his hand and turning them where Saeran could see. With the gems facing away, they looked nearly identical; both with narrow bands, and a small gem pressed on the front. The only thing differentiating them from each other was the contrasting gold and silver metals.

"I know that matching stuff can mean a lot of different things in relationships. Some couples do it just for fun, sometimes things like jewelry can have… stronger meanings. Some people see matching like that as a promise to stick together." Wow, he really did sound like he was proposing, huh? Part of him wants to look up, to see if his last comment had changed anything, but his neck felt stuck in place, paralyzed by his own nerves. The rings noticeably tremble in his hand; he hopes it isn't as visible on Saeran's end.

"And, well… I'm not going anywhere if you aren't. I--" Rowan lets out a shaky sigh, brushing his hair out of his face, something he rarely bothered to do. "Honestly, it's not even as serious as I'm making it out to be. I only thought to do this because my stupid brain got attached to both and I realized, 'hey, you'll look really stupid matching with yourself', and I know your birthstone is a pearl, and I like the color black, so… yeah."

He can't bring himself to look up at the other man, but the silence across from him was almost sickeningly overwhelming. Shoulders slumping, he fiddles with the ring he intended for himself, trying to distract himself from the pit in his stomach.

"I kinda fucked up and made things awkward, but… to shorten down my rambling: do you wanna match these cheap-as-hell rings with me, as some kind of symbolism that we care about each other and won't leave each other, or whatever?" Rowan stumbles over the words, trying to scoop together what was left of his brain into a cohesive sentence.

There's a long pause as the words sink in, the world around him feeling totally still until Saeran leans forward, resting his chin on his knees. "You mean a lot to me, too," he mumbles, voice quiet. It's hard to distinguish any specific emotion with his volume, so Rowan listens intently.

"It's... nice, that you thought of me, and..." Anyone else might be worried over the hesitation and reservedness of the words, but his answer comes as a great relief to the brunette. He's not rejecting anything, or pushing him away; he's taken off-guard, which isn't ideal, but there's no trace of upset or discomfort in his tone. It gives Rowan the courage to look up again.

"I'm not going anywhere either." The redhead parts his lips as if to say more, but can't seem to find the words, closing them again and instead wordlessly holding his hand out, palm up. Rowan presses the pearl ring into his palm, watching with a small smile as he admires it. It hadn't gone poorly. Things were fine. Nothing was falling apart.

Saeran's nose wrinkles in distaste all of a sudden, as if he imagined something unfavorable. For a moment, Rowan feels a spark of panic, but he quickly puts the pieces together. "I've got some necklace chains you can hang it off of at my apartment. They should be long enough to tuck under your sweater so your brother doesn't see. I'm probably gonna wear mine like that, anyways. I can't wear it over my riding gloves."

The other man hums in acknowledgment, the look on his face relaxing into something more content that makes Rowan's heart clench. Finally feeling that nervous knot in his stomach fully slip away, he turns his attention back to the picnic, taking another cinnamon roll and enjoying the silence. It was like nothing had changed, and yet, he felt even happier than before. Though his boyfriend didn't say anything further, he could tell the other man felt the same.

The moment lasts for several minutes, picking away at the food still left in comfortable silence. It's only interrupted by a small splash of water against Saeran's cheek, causing him to blink in surprise and glance upwards. During their distracted peace, a storm was beginning to roll in, the previously white-clouded sky now totally covered in heavy gray clouds.

"Shit," he murmurs under his breath, tearing Rowan's attention away from the brownie he was finishing off. He quickly begins tucking away the food still left out, the other man joining him once he feels a droplet hit his skin.

Saeran is the first one to get to his feet, walking halfway to the car before turning back to watch him. There was no need to; it wasn't as if Rowan would slip away on the slowly wetting grass, or that they'd lose sight of each other, but it simply felt right.

Neither of them say a word as they begin shoving food haphazardly into the backseat, Rowan giving an annoyed huff as he takes note of the lack of room, reaching up between the seats to pop the trunk instead of going around to the front doors. As he wiggles his way back out, his boyfriend's voice surprises him.

"Thank you."

"Mm?" Rowan turns to glance at him, the tenderness in his voice making him momentarily forget the basket of sweets in his arms, the blanket strewn over the top turning dappled with rain.

"For all of this, and…" Saeran raises his hand, showing off the ring now slipped around his finger. "It was good enough to have an excuse to get out, but you still put in more effort to make it perfect. You didn't have to, but you did. Thanks."

It wasn't often that Saeran was the one to fluster him, but the grateful comment had his cheeks heating up. "M-mhm. It wasn't a big deal, I just… wanted to do something nice for you, and wanted to make things more comfortable. I know you get claustrophobic in the bunker, and it's always nice being out this time of year. I thought you'd enjoy it; I'm glad you did. It makes me happy, seeing you happy."

Just as quickly as the redhead had gotten to him, he turned the tables back around, the other man busying himself packing food into the cooler to avoid a response. His joy from the evening going well getting to him, Rowan continues to speak.

"I'm relieved everything went well. I was worried about so many things -- maybe the cooler wouldn't be cold enough and things would melt, or something would get dropped or squished, or you'd think I was weird, that I was doing too much but then that I wasn't doing enough… a bunch of irrational shit like that. So, um… it really was perfect?"

"Yeah, it was." The short answer makes him smile, bouncing on the balls of his feet for a moment when Saeran isn't looking. The other man was never bothered by his stimming, nor did he judge him, but for once, he was the one more embarrassed by his love for the other man.

“Honestly? I had a dream about giving you some big romantic speech like that and wanted to make it real. Only this time, it wasn't as smooth, and the sky doesn’t explode.” Saeran pauses, mid-tucking away the picnic blanket.

“What?”

"Yeah. it was some biiiig date I set up, and I had fireworks and everything, but somehow the fireworks messed up earth's atmosphere and ended up killing all of humanity. Really sucked. This is a lot nicer. Less heat death of the universe and more coziness, y'know.”

Saeran stares incredulously for a moment, finally sighing and shaking his head. “I don’t get how you work at all.” His tone is affectionate despite his words, and the corner of his lips struggle not to twitch up into a smile.

“If I recall correctly, you just signed up to not get me, like, three minutes ago. Forever.” Rowan lifts his hand to close the trunk, pausing before looking back at his boyfriend with a smile, turning and falling into the cozy mess of blankets stuffed into the trunk, wiggling his fingers at the other man.

At the open invitation to cuddle, Saeran doesn't hesitate, shoving the cooler over a bit before moving to settle in front of him and leaning back against his chest with a frown. “You’re implying that I won’t ever get you.“

“Well, I don't know. I don’t have a me manual, pumpkin. If you want one, you’re gonna have to write that yourself. Good luck.”

The redhead tilts his head back to look up at him, lazily brushing his lips against his jawline for just a moment. “Mm, you’re not that complicated. Give me two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!“ Saeran smiles, turning his head away to watch the rain, quietly treasuring the warmth the other man provided. He could handle this forever.

[honoredbastard]

02.            remember?

       char. s. gojou & m. whisper. feel free to believe it as a f!reader.         cw. blood techniques, suggestive themes, & manga spoilers.                            [ more gross writing <3 ]   

tags: @fuckeisuke @candycanssweetlife @forever-war​ @onepotatostand-blog​​

is it selfish to delude yourself of the fact a god likes you. whether you’re a mere mortal, a devil, a grain of salt. is it selfish? that you both have your skin clashing together, an intimate act between to that level each other on the same playing field for however they can last.

kisses that range from your stomach to your jaw. the god touching each and every part of you liked you were something straight out of a fantasy. is it wrong to indulge yourself in such an act?

you weren’t aware of the logics behind it. you were just trying to ride it out, ignore the idea of god and devil. you were finding a reason to accept the idea of him reaching and exposing your deepest parts of yourself without care.

but you couldn’t. you stopped, grabbing your stuff and got dressed. leaving a confused deity, the chosen one, in a love motel bed with it’s sinful arousal. you were seething with self-loath that you were drunk enough to believe it was okay to sleep with him.

“did he leave?” whisper asked curiously, wiping the previous ‘tears’ she used to pull off gojou’s advances. opening the door just enough, she saw the pile of books, they were stacked and there was no sight or presence of the problem. she made her previous blood scythe duller and scooted the books over with haste. “c’mere...”

she was a bit short so when they reached the door she stepped up to grab the books until she was interrupted by the man she was seeking to not find. “hi~” “god.” she scoffed, clenching her books and throwing the door close. aside, there was no slam. “fairy-san.” “asshole-san!~” she mocked, her lips tried to hide her frustration. biting into her cheeks. 

“you wouldn’t close the door on a friend would you?” “can you not act familiar with me? we’re just jujutsu sorcerers. woopity do. i-” she cut herself off, glaring at the man before slamming the books on her bed. “i was just friends with suguru.” she managed before sliding off the coat she was wearing.

rushing past gojou who was keeping the entrance open with his foot. “hm.” gojou ‘watched’ as her cursed energy got further and further away. “is she going to talk to yaga?” he asked himself with a curious tone before he got an itch to be nosey. “i wonder what books she was reading.” sliding his blindfold off, he walked into her dorm without further question.

sliding them out so all titles could be seen. blood technique skills, blades, enchantia, the list went on. what did she need all of these for? some of these books were banned. how did she get them? he stared with squinted eyes, cursed energy residue remained on some. “what are you up to?” she was a grade one sorcerer that had little troubles fighting special grades. what was she trying to reach?

“HAHA. Yaga you must be joking! I shouldn’t be teaching students, I can barely teach myself! You already have a special grade sorcerer, the strongest, the chosen one; Satoru Gojou on this! They’ll be fine!” Her voice rang throughout the dim lit area. 

The man whom she was yelling at was patiently knitting a cursed doll, using the thread to infuse his technique. “Makil.” “Don’t.” Yaga drew a breath through his nose, “Whisper. I know you’re still upset with Suguru’s death. But you have to-” “Upset? Bullshit. I’m not upset, I’m perfectly fine!”

Yaga let go of his doll that was not moving, his hands balled into fist until the slammed down onto the wood where he sat. His voice loud and clear, startling even Whisper. “YOU ARE NOT FINE, WE KNOW THIS MAKIL! YOU FLINCH EACH TIME SUGURU IS BROUGHT UP AND YOU EVEN BROUGHT BANNED BOOKS ABOUT REHIN INTO MY SCHOOL. YOU WERE ONCE MY STUDENT AND SO WAS HE.” 

He slowly got up, his footsteps hard and heavy. “Makil, it’s in the past. You can no longer see Suguru. You can no longer see the man you once loved and you cannot try to shove it down by blaming Satoru. As much as he is hated he’s loved 10x harder. He, right now too is upset. Struggling even. What I need you to do is help these students grow. They’re loveable and remind me of you four when you all were my students.”  

His eyes bore into Makil’s, she shivered at it. She was’t blaming Satoru, right? No, he was something she couldn’t reach - there was no point in blaming him. She was never blaming him, she was just confused. She had no right to be friendly with something she found annoying.

“Please, Makil. I am begging you.” Yaga grabbed both of her arms, tears streaming down her face. “Ah? Haha, what? This can’t be real, right?” “It’s real, in everything. But right now I need you and Rehin to do the best you can and help these students. Especially Yuji Itadori. I’m sure Gojou will take you to see the other two. But do not mention that the vessel is alive. Got it?”

“Got it.” “Good, he’ll have his grand entrance at the kyoto battle.” “Ha? THAT’S LIKE FOUR DAYS AWAY?” Yaga wiped away Makil’s tears that stained her cheeks. “I know, I’ll give you information on each student. Just bare with me.”

quite curious who this rehin can beeeeeeeee this writing is booooooooooobooooooooooooooo

[wordsfromthesol]

Mixed Signals

Author: @wordsfromthesol​ Taglist: @lana-king @marvelfreakbrynnlee​ Pairing: Older!Damian x Reader Summary:  *cough* read the request pictured below *cough* Warnings: Violence, cursing, the good stuff Word Count: 2k A/N: Quarantine requests have begun! I’m going to try and post a little more frequently during this time so ya’ll have some new content while you’re bored (my work has not been suspended...but trying to write as much as I can!) 

“Master Damian, your father wished that I remind you of my granddaughter Y/N’s arrival tomorrow.”

“Tt, and why would I need this reminder?”

“Well, she is staying with us at the Manor. Vigilantism is to be kept to a minimal, as Y/N is unaware of this family’s nighttime activities. Your brothers have been informed and as such, will only enter the cave, if necessary, from the exterior.”

“I shall do the same then.”

“I was hoping you could refrain altogether. Perhaps accompany her around Gotham?

“Tt, I am not a babysitter Alfred.” And with that Damian stormed out of the living room and headed immediately for the training room.

**

“Papa!” You exclaimed as soon as Alfred opened the door. You quickly enveloped him in a hug, before stepping back and admiring his living quarters. “These Wayne’s you work for are clearly loaded.”

“Y/N, you know that is no way to talk.”

You just shrugged as you walked inside. “You’re happy though, right? They treat you okay?” You knew exactly how ‘the help’ could be treated.

“My dear, of course. In fact, Master Damian has agreed to show you the Gotham sights.”

“Somehow I doubt he did that willingly.”

“Some coercion from his father may have been necessary.” Alfred smirked. The two of you sat at the kitchen counter catching up on life, when Damian turned the corner. You glanced his direction.

“You must be my tour guide I’ve heard so much about!”

“Tt, only if you wish to go to the worst parts Gotham has to offer.”

“Hm, sounds much more fun than the best parts. Everyone gets to see those.”

“I am confident Alfred can accompany you around the city.”

“I am too, but he said he’s got something to do for your father all day tomorrow.” Alfred shot a look of disappoint towards Damian, as you continued. “I don’t want to intrude, if you have something to do. I’m sure I can entertain myself for the day.”

“Fine. I will escort you through Gotham tomorrow.”

**

“So Dami, how’s babysitting?” Jason teased his younger brother.

“Fantastic. I must chaperon the ray of sunshine all day tomorrow. See the sights that Gotham City has to offer.”

“From what I remember, Y/N is capable of handling herself just fine around Gotham.” Dick chimed in, trying to ease Damian’s clear frustration.

“Well Father would be most disappointed in me if I left her to fend for herself.”

“Lighten up, I’m sure her positivity will make the day enjoyable.” Jason smirked knowing full well that would only further agitate his brother. You didn’t want to hear any more of the conversation, clearly Damian disliked you. You would just have to live with that, you thought as you stalked up to the guest room.

“I just do not comprehend how she can be so positive. All the time.”

“Hm, been thinking about her a lot since that first meeting…haven’t we?” Now Dick joined in on the teasing, realizing the effect you had on his youngest brother.

“Of course not. The notion is ridiculous.” With that Damian left his brothers, no longer wishing to endure their quips.

**

You expected the day to drag on. In fact, you didn’t even know if Damian would actually take you on a tour of the city of not. To your surprise, he was waiting for you in the kitchen when you sauntered down to grab some coffee.

“Damian. You’re awake.”

“I was unsure of when you wanted to leave.”

“Honestly, I’m more of a nightowl. Mind if I grab some coffee and then go get ready? Say we leave in an hour?”

“I will meet you here in an hour.”

You smiled and nodded as you passed him to get to the coffee machine. “So from a true Gothamite’s perspective, any places that are a must see?”

“Tt, I am not from Gotham.”

“Oh. I thought – nevermind – where are you from?”

“No where you would be privy to.”

“Sorry for asking then…” you stumbled out of the kitchen, preparing yourself for an awkward day.

**

You put on a smile as you walked down the stairs, determined to have fun despite the storm cloud accompanying you. “Ready?” Your cheery voice echoed through the hall.

“As much as one could be.”

You were okay with the silence as you took in the sights. You grew up in a fairly small town, no building was over five stories. This was astonishing. The amount of people and cars around you, everything constantly moving. Finally, the car you were in stopped.

“Where are we?”

“Wayne Botanical Gardens.”

“How rich is your family…?” You question as the two of you got out of the car.

“Heh, I am not sure that I can answer that question.”

“Maybe one day I’ll ask a personal question you do know the answer to.” You sighed before gliding over to the garden entrance. You didn’t talk for the next hour, you were too enthralled looking at all the plants and flowers. Damian was too enthralled gazing at you. You saw the beauty in everything, granted flowers are a typically beautiful plant, but you seemed to admire everything around you. He even watched as you bent down and picked up someone else’s trash. The action seemed to be done subconsciously, as you hadn’t even realized what you just did. As you neared the end, you turned towards him, an undeniable sparkle in your eye.

“Oh, where to next? Is every place in Gotham this beautiful?”

“Tt, that would be impossible.”

“Right,” you sighed, remembering who you were talking to.

“Wayne Tower is near here.”

“A garden and a tower, my oh my, the Wayne’s do get around.”

“Yeah. Want to go?”

“Why not, perhaps we can stop for lunch nearby?”

“Okay.”

You trudged forward, ignoring the short responses. Before you knew it, the day seemed over. You knew you hadn’t seen half of Gotham, but Damian seemed rathe insistent you head back as darkness enveloped the city.

“Oh, come on, Damian. Are you scared of the dark?”

“Of course not. I am not a child.”

“Good. Let’s go to a bar! I’ve heard the Iceberg Lounge is a must!”

“A must avoid, perhaps.”

“Well, I am going. You are more than welcome to join me.”

Surprisingly, the rest of the night went on without a hitch. Damian didn’t even suspect that you were actually gathering intel at the lounge. Unbeknownst to Alfred, you had ulterior motives for visiting him in the big city. Your dad was finally letting you in the family business, this was your first assignment. Gather intel on the drugs being pushed out at the Iceberg Lounge in Gotham City.

**

A few more days had passed, and you managed to get to or near the lounge every night. Sometimes you went inside, sometimes you waited and watched from the rooftops. Thankfully, the Wayne Manor was surprisingly easy to sneak out of. Or so you thought. Alfred, however, was growing more and more concerned by your nightly disappearances.

“Master Damian, might I inquire how your day of sightseeing with my granddaughter went?”

“Fine? Did she claim otherwise?”

“No. Did she seem particularly eager to go somewhere?”

“The only place she requested was the Iceberg Lounge. Why she would associate herself with such an establishment is beyond my comprehension.”

“Hm. I feared as much. Master Damian, I might request a small favor.”

“Does this favor involve Y/N?”

“It does.”

“What do you require?”

“She seems to be leaving each night. I am afraid she may get herself into trouble. As you know, Gotham is no place to wander. Could you follow her?”

“Of course.” Damian left and immediately geared himself up, as much as he dared to in civilian clothing. Then, it was the waiting game. Just as Alfred said, around 10 you snuck out through the window. Luckily, Damian was waiting close by on a motorcycle.

This time you decided you would go in the lounge. You discarded the dark robe, uncovering the rather revealing outfit you donned, as you entered the taxi. Upon entering the lounge, you saw a few of the suspects already downing drinks. You didn’t hesitate in approaching them. Unfortunately, this approach had caused wrong person to take notice of you.  

“Hey beautiful. I’ve seen you in here a lot lately. Yet you haven’t come and talked to me. I thought I’d take the initiative.”

“How sweet of you. I’m afraid I can’t indulge your fantasies tonight. Perhaps another.”

“Huh, see…I think you can.”

You smiled at the unsavory character, as you did he latched onto your wrist.

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.”

“Awe, does the pretty lady know self-defense.”

“Yeah, she does.”

“Good.” The man seemed to sober up almost instantly. “Then you can tell me why you’ve been grilling my men.”

Shit. You quickly brought your knee up into his groin, causing him to release you. You grasped the gun in your purse and shot in his direction.

“Can’t even hit me?”

“Oh honey, I wasn’t trying.” You smiled as a light fixture swung down and crashed between the two of you. As you turned to make a run for it, the room filled with smoke and someone grabbed you by the waist and placed the other hand over your mouth. You quickly realized they were pulling you to safety and decided to see how the situation played out. Once you cleared the smoke, you recognized the figure. “Damian?!” You stopped dead in your tracks.

He looked back at you, once he noticed you weren’t going to move, he pulled you in close and pulled out what looked like a gun. Except this gun pulled the two of you up through the air, landing you on a rooftop.

“What the hell were you doing?!” You had never heard Damian raise his voice; you didn’t even think he was capable of it. “You almost got yourself killed in there!”

“What?! Did you follow me here?!”

“Of course, I followed you. Gotham is not a safe place. You should not be out here alone.”

“Why the fuck do you even care? You hate me!”

“Hate yo – ? I was protecting you!”

“Well, I don’t need your protection. I can handle myself.”

“Clearly. But I could not take that risk.”

“You barely know me.”

“I can tell Alfred loves you.”

“Oh, you followed me because my grandfather asked you to.”

“No. Well, yes. However, I would have followed regardless. If I had known earlier.”

“Why?”

“You seem hold this astonishing ability to acknowledge the good in everything and everyone. It amazes me. But Gotham…everyone in Gotham is capable of tremendous evil. I could allow it to take you as it has so many others.”

You took his hands in yours, causing him to momentarily tense. “Damian, I choose to believe that everyone has the capacity for good. But I am not so naïve to believe everyone utilizes that.” You sighed, “If I tell you something. Do you promise not to tell my grandfather?”

Damian just nodded at your words.

“My father, he followed in his father’s footsteps. And I, I’ve chosen to follow in my father’s. We, I suppose the closest thing to what we are is spies. He told me just to gather the intel. I guess I got a little trigger happy.” Your gaze seemed to freeze Damian on the spot. “Though, I’m guessing your family knows a little about that. Unless normal citizens of Gotham carry smoke bombs with them.” Your statement shook him from the trance.

“No, unfortunately, I cannot say that is true. I am a vigilante, spy, hero, whatever terminology you wish it to don.”

“Good. Then you can continue protecting me. And maybe I can return the favor.”

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

Dragon Age subreddits suck

Reason #1 of why I don’t go on Reddit to engage with the Dragon Age fandom. (Screenshots taken from a ‘Controversial DA opinions’ thread).

I’m writing this as a reminder for myself and anyone else that it is OKAY if you write self-inserts. It’s okay if you pair your OCs or yourself with a fictional character in a story or fan art. It’s okay. Anyone who thinks it’s “cringy” or “pathetic” or “weird” have no reason that is good enough to dissuade you from doing it. As long as you know the character is fictional, as long as you don’t avoid responsibilities going on in your real life for the purpose of remaining in an escapist fantasy 24/7, it’s fine. 

And I’m not even saying this to coddle people or do whatever the hell it is that people think the “Tumblr hugbox” does to people on this site. I am saying this, objectively, it is okay if you do self-inserts. 

80% of the time, “Cringe” is just contempt disguised as concern no one asked for in response to people doing something that might be a bit unconventional, but not immoral or harmful. 

We should be at a point in our society where non-harmful socially awkward/weird things aren’t treated with such scorn. Grow up and realize that ‘normal’ and ‘conventional’ aren’t necessarily the same thing.

Who cares if someone wants to write a self-insert in BNHA or a “Modern Girl in Thedas” fic. Who cares if someone wants to write themselves as the little sister of Sam and Dean Winchester, or Draco’s sister/cousin/niece. Who cares. It’s fandom. I’d be more annoyed if the original authors of the media did it. 

You know what it is? It’s contempt for anyone who wants to pretend for a moment that they’re special and unique. Yes, reality is that there are few people in this world that are SO unique that they deserve a wikipedia page about themselves, but shitting on people who do self-inserts really reeks of “I don’t like seeing people having harmless fun and playing pretend”. Do some of the stories come off as un-fun to read because it’s more personal indulgence/wish fulfillment for the fanfic writer than it is entertainment for fellow fans? Yes, most certainly, but unless that writer throws a tantrum that “no one likes their OC” (which I have NEVER seen anyone do, but then again I don’t float in fandom spaces so heavily that I get into drama like that), it’s something they will gradually adjust as they get older. Hopefully. And some people don’t and tbh that’s okay too. It’s not fun for us fellow fans, but it’s not..breaking any laws. It’s not interfering with the creation of canon material or the creation of your fan-made stuff. Just leave well enough alone and stop being so miserable and bitter over absolutely something that really isn’t that big of a deal.

[prinxlyart]

You seem to be doing alright? So I wanted to ask if you had any tips on just, *being* with adhd? I’m kinda struggling with it and I sort of don’t know... anything really of how to deal with... the future? Doing work? A lotta ‘adult’ stuff. It’s a really wide question ik but no pressure, feel free to answer however you can, thanks!

Bold of you to assume I’m alright in any aspect.

Nah but you’re fine!!! This might turn into a doozy so imma put it under a read more ✌️

No joke I was severely depressed and suicidal throughout middle and high school for this exact reason. It wasn’t until several years afterwards that I finally came to terms with the concept of just living for me, not capitalism, not my parents, not the job system, not society’s expectations, etc. Because our society isn’t built for people with ADHD, or any disabilities for that matter. Of course, I kept my rationale with that mindset; can’t just give up on my daily life and go live in the woods. I accept that I live in a capitalist society and require a job in order to provide for myself. But I do try my best to find jobs that actually interest me as well as paying me well enough to provide for myself.

I didn’t do therapy or anything (because the mental health “professionals” at the hospital/medical centers are all dinguses). But I DO take anti depressants and that has changed my life. It keeps the depression from settling in too deeply, even when I’m under-stimulated.

Being under-stimulated when you have ADHD is essentially like depression (they often go hand in hand); absolutely nothing able to keep your happy chemicals up or your interest piqued and it’s like you’re just reaching blindly into the void for something to latch on to. It really fucking sucks. At least with my anti-depressants, that gross feeling just sort of remains as an uncomfortable buzzing rather than turning into self-hatred. Medication isn’t always for everyone, but I know in my experience it has helped me dramatically.

I do take ADHD medication while I work from home (I’m lucky enough to have found a job that lets me do so ;v;) but I’m actually still just doing trial and error with those. They often times actually DONT help me focus and rather just send me into panic attacks at the slightest suggestion of rejection from anyone (rejection sensitivity is a bitch and a half). So I’m still experimenting with actual ADHD medication.

In terms of making art with ADHD, that’s actually kind of a benefit rather than a detriment. My current hyperfixation is The Owl House, so in order to fill my heart with the content I want, I draw like crazy, I write fanfic (like a fucking monster, I write it in the notes on my phone 😆). I allow my brain to wander and just letting my brain do what it wants relieves a lot of the stress of trying to keep myself together according to Society’ Standards™️ for the day.

As far as “adult stuff”, I genuinely am still figuring it out myself. For more urgent things, it’s something I’ll try to tackle while it’s on my mind in that moment, because the moment I even turn my head a different direction I’ll forget what it was I was going to do. For non urgent things I try to set up reminders, either on my phone or by putting a physical object near me(paper reminders I get in the mail, etc). The latter doesn’t always work because it’s quite often that it’ll just blend into the background mess of my life, but sometimes it works and I don’t know why. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Anything in terms of regular payments? (Rent, bills, etc) I set up an autopay if it allows me to that sends me notifications any time the due date rolls around. I get a text every month from my phone service provider letting me know that I’ve paid my bill. Same with auto insurance and things of that nature. That way I don’t even need to think about it, I just need to make sure I have enough money in my account to let those auto payments go through.

Lastly, I try my absolute hardest to stay positive, or at least try to curate my life experience to avoid unnecessary negativity. I don’t do drama, I don’t do internet fights, I just sit here in my little corner and enjoy the things I like and share it with anyone that’s interested.

2020 alone has been hell and while it’s important to stay informed on everything that’s happening, and helping in any way you can, it’s also important to remember that you don’t need to be on that particular grind 24/7. It’s okay to take breaks from the dreariness of the world to allow yourself to indulge in things that make you happy.

***** DISCLAIMER***** I am in no way, shape, or form a medical professional and please take all of this with a grain of salt. This has been my personal experience with ADHD as someone who has received no actual real help for my ADHD as I’ve grown up. I was diagnosed when I was 7 and never got any help from my parents or medical professionals to figure out what ADHD means and how it affected my learning career, or figure out what methods of learning would work better for me. These are all just my methods of coping/working with my ADHD. I hope this answers your question!!

[c-c-cherry]

Things I think about when writing

Momther Cherry is currently fic-writing! I’m here as your designated parental figure to share with you some shit that I remind myself whenever I’m stuck!

 I know some of y’all need to hear this. Yes, even you in the back. I know you’re forgetting at least ONE of these things right now.

-Your time will come. I know it seems hard when people post stuff and you’re scrolling through their comment section and see all this praise and love and then you realize that—shit— you haven’t posted in a week and your other stuff isn’t currently being loved as much in this very moment. We all do it. I do it all the time without thinking. Sometimes it can spark something that makes us want to do better, but sometimes it just makes us feel bitter and then we feel guilty for feeling bitter about it. Try to love what other people create without comparing it to your own. Trust me when I say that if you learn to love big, you’ll receive it back when the time comes. 

-Not everything will work out as you want it. Sometimes posts flop. Sometimes there aren’t as many likes on it as there should be or as you want there to be. That’s fine. :) Let it go. You might feel discouraged because of how much work you put into it, but sometimes it just happens. Don’t let that stop you from doing what you love.

-Comments and kudos are not your only worth. Please don’t rate your self-worth based on others’ approval. You are your skills and passions are worth so much more than that. Trust me when I say that all of that stuff feels great. It feels amazing when people gratify your work, but don’t do it specifically for that. I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again, if you rely on approval and praise as your only fuel for creativity, you’ll fall hard once you hear an ounce of doubt or negativity.

-Think about what you want. I find myself staring at a blank doc for days because I keep overthinking everything I write. Would they like it? Does that sound too self-indulgent? Will anyone read it? Would this get me more attention over this? Channeling other suggestions and criticism into your work is a great thing to do, but in the end, the writing will always flow better if you actually want to write it. I’ve had to completely drop entire prompts before because of this issue, but I feel like its worth it in the end if I’m actually enjoying the writing process rather than catering specifically to other people’s wants! :)

-Don’t treat it like something academic. Are you defending your thesis statement? No, you’re writing a hurt/comfort fan fiction (or whatever the hell you’re writing currently). Before I post something, there’s always the fear in the back of my mind that someone is going to comment some long, judgemental paragraph on “what could be approved” in my writing. I can’t exactly say that this hasn’t happened before (because it probably definitely has lol) but sometimes I’ve just gotta step back and tell myself that this isn’t meant to be harshly judged, its meant to be read. Most people who read it will have nice things to say about it because that’s the purpose of reading and writing fics!

-There’s no race and no competition. Unless of course you’re participating in a challenge with a time limit, you don’t have to rush your stuff in worry that people will be angry if you don’t post or update. They’ll be happier in the end if you post something that you worked harder on or wrote when you were in the mood or mindset to do so. You don’t have to post just because everyone’s posting! There’s no comparing works and there’s no rush to please people!

-Taking a break is good. It’s inhuman to not get burnt out once in awhile. Take advantage of it and try doing something else until you want to write again. I always work on headcanons or watch ✨Gordon Ramsay✨ whenever I don’t wanna write. Try not to feel miserable about not constantly making content! Everyone needs a break.

-Negativity?? Never heard of her. I’m actually very lucky not to get a lot of negative comments on my stuff. Most of it are people who are angry/disappointed on how I ended The Storm or want me to write a sequel where certain characters get what they deserve. If you do get something inherently mean or rude, try not to let it get to you. Most of the time, its for no  reason at all and the commenter is insecure. Maybe they’re just bitter??👀 Mmmm??👀👀👀 *cough cough see my very first jot*

God,,,y’all,,,this last one is the most important and literally goes for everything you’ll ever do:

-TAKE GODDAMN CARE OF YOURSELF!!!!!! Because of quarantine, I used to just—forget to eat all day because I was so sucked up in the writing void. I’d go to sleep at 6am, wake up at 2 or 3pm and wouldn’t eat anything until around 8 or 9pm because of schoolwork, write until it was 6am again and repeat. Yes, I updated a lot. Was it worth it?? Uhhhhhhh,,,,no??? I didn't do ANYTHING but write. People were happy for updates, sure, but if they knew that my dumbass was fucking myself over like that?? I get asks all the time being like “DRINK WATER SLEEP EAT PLEASE” and I’m always like “how the hell do they always know??”

Take care of yourselves first or else I’m gonna break into your home and make you drink water and eat chicken nuggets or like,,,vegan nuggets (even you vegans can’t escape my grasp)

Writing should be a positive or freeing experience! Whether its venting or creativity or any kind of expression, its very easy to get sucked up into a certain mindset that can negatively affect your process or inspiration. FEAR NOT, CHILDREN! If you try to consider the things I’ve told you while staring at that empty doc, just know that I’ll probably be doing the exact same thing right after I post this. 

Happy fic-reading/writing!! <3

[sunsetinmyvein]

I Know That I’ll Lose - Chapter Nine - My Irregular Heartbeat

They finally had a full break day between two shows in the same city. It had taken five weeks to get one, but now it was here at least. However, Y/N/N knew better than to assume this break day would actually be used for something crazy like a break. No, of course not. Because knowing Matty, it was not a surprise at all that he dragged the band to a nearby studio he had heard about to try and smash out this idea that had been stuck in his head for a few days now. They all seemed more than happy enough to follow him on this endeavour, and watching them work as such a cohesive unit was very interesting. It was easily apparent that they had been together for so long, because they could practically read each other’s minds. Before George had even finished his sentence on the idea he had, Adam was already playing it, or Ross was already trying to fine-tune the melody. The four of them all worked on the same wavelength. She supposed that was just a part of working together for as long as they had. But maybe that was also why they had worked together for as long as they had, because they understood each other.

“Matty, we’re gonna record a few bits. Did you have lyrics in mind?” George asked with an eyebrow raised.

“Sort of. I’ll go check what I had written down.” He nodded, picking up his guitar and strolling out of the recording room and into another section of the studio. She had figured that there was no point in hanging around only to potentially interrupt the other boys’ recordings, so she followed him out to wherever he was headed.

He led her through the halls down into a small studio space with a desk at one end and a few couches at the other, not seeming to mind that she had followed. This seemed more like a track editing room than anything else. Matty sat himself down in the desk chair in the studio, pulling his guitar onto his lap. His notebook that she frequently saw him with was placed on the desk in front of him. He played the same melody that she had heard them go over numerous times in the recording area, making sure that it was fresh in his mind. Every now and again in between the melodies he glanced at his open notebook lying on the desk, sometimes scribbling something or crossing something out. A small smile was playing on his lips as he tried to get the rhythm of the words in line with what he was going for. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to recreate something he already had in mind or write something entirely new, but either way he seemed completely engrossed in it. This was the sort of moment where she would’ve admitted she had feelings for him if he asked - the sort of moment when she could be caught off guard enough by the genuine nature of the situation to tell the truth. A moment like this when it was just the two of them without the jokes, without the front Matty put up sometimes, a moment seemingly without the bet. Him just being himself and not trying to impress or be something else. But this wasn’t the Matty that was about to press her for confirmation on something that he already knew. Because at this current point, he didn’t want to play that game. He didn’t need to. He was comfortable in this instant with how things were. And she just wanted the peacefulness of it all to remain for a bit longer, so she wasn’t exactly about to throw a spanner in the works and fuck it all up by telling him.

  It was a good while before he was knocked out of the trance that he was in and looked across the room at her. He’d been so far down the rabbit hole of his own creativity that he had forgotten that there was another person in the room with him. For how much time had passed, he had figured that she might’ve been waiting patiently to ask him how long was going to be left, but she just stared back at him with a neutral expression. “You’ve been rather quiet.” He stated, scrawling a quick line down in his notebook.

“Would you rather I interrupt you while you’re trying to write a song?” She asked in confusion.

“I mean… you’re welcome to.” He offered.

“How do you write your lyrics?” She asked, eyeing the pages he kept glancing towards.

He pondered on the question for a moment. “Typically, I write to fit the rhythm of the song first and foremost. Like we had the tune for It’s Not Living before we had the lyrics and I wrote around that. But usually I just imagine a real situation, I amplify it, I make it slightly more romantic and idealistic, and I write about it. That search of trying to find something that makes me truly happy, of being on that precipice of finding it, is a lot of what my music is made up of.” He explained. She just gave a small nod in response. He waited for her to add something else, or ask something else, but she didn’t, she just watched him. “What?” He asked eventually with a frown.

“It’s just nice watching you do what you do best and seeing you so content.” She admitted with a shrug. “It’s rare to see you not being all cocky and loud.”

He gave a quiet laugh at that, adjusting the capo a fret down on the neck of his guitar. “You know full well that all that’s just an act.” Her eyebrows shot up in surprise at his blunt honesty. Maybe the genuine vibes in the room were not one-sided. “It’s a self-defence mechanism. If I act like I am those things, then it’s easier to not fall back on the more negative shit.”

  “But song writing is a really important thing in my life.” He continued, “I’d kill myself without music. Immediately. Life is pointless without music for me.” He paused for a moment, but she knew better by this stage in their friendship than to try and interject when he was following a train of thought. “If you think about it, the first time that you learn about something - like a first kiss, for example - is through cinema. It looks beautiful and it’s soundtracked. That’s very important.” He looked up at her, giving her a pointed look for emphasis. “I remember the first time I went to kiss a girl, the first thing that I was aware of was that there was no music playing. And I didn’t like that.” He frowned at the memory, before glancing down at his guitar and starting the riff over again. It had a very different feel to it than the other songs that they’d put out from Notes. The melody and style of guitar he was playing almost reminded her of Chocolate. “Music doesn’t exist physically. Yet it commands every facet of my personality. It has the power to command people how to feel - music can command someone how to feel on an emotional level uncontrollably. I just find that so fascinating.” He mused. A soft knock at the door pulled him out of his thoughts.

“How’d you go Matt?” George asked as he popped his head in through the door.

“I think I have some decent stuff.” He smiled with a nod in his friends’ direction as he handed over his notebook.

  The five of them regrouped in the recording area, playing over what they had tracked to make sure they were happy with it before Matty pitched a few of the lyrical ideas he had gotten together. It was interesting to listen in as the song took shape. Once everyone was satisfied that they were heading in the right direction, they packed away their gear for the day.

“Congrats on a job well done, boys.” George grinned as they stepped out onto the street. “Should we put the gear away and grab a drink to reward ourselves?” He suggested as he started heading in the direction of their buses. Thankfully for his arms- shoulders- back, he hadn’t had to set up his entire kit, just the elements of it that were unique to his setup.

“That sounds like a good plan.” Ross agreed. Once everything was packed away safely, they trekked to the nearest pub for an afternoon drink. Matty and Y/N/N took a seat up at the bar to sort out drinks for the group, while the other three found themselves a table to settle in at. The bartender who came over to serve the two of them seemed to have been having a dull day, because Matty noticed that as opposed to taking any orders, all he wanted to do was yap on about everything except alcohol. ‘How’s your day been?’ ‘Where are you from?’ ‘What do you do?’ He knew that a Tuesday afternoon probably wasn’t a very busy time for a pub, but he wasn’t there to share his life story. And it didn’t help that despite his best attempt to usher things along and get his hard-earned drink, his present company was indulging this stranger.

  He didn’t like how chatty this guy was being with her, and more importantly how chatty she was being with him. The feeling of it sat weirdly in his chest and made him feel like the third wheel when celebrating his own achievement. He only had a limited amount time left if he was going to get her to fess up. Only a week left of the tour before they went back to their respective homes. Allowing her to flirt with bartenders was only going to hinder that. So, in an attempt to bring her thoughts back to where he wanted them, and perhaps to get a rise out of her, in the middle of their conversation he nonchalantly took her hand that had been sitting on top of the bar in his. There was a pause in her sentence as he did this while she tried to work out what he was playing at. She looked down at their hands in confusion, glancing over to Matty only to see him still scrolling through his phone resting in his other hand. They’d never held hands before, and this certainly didn’t seem like the time or place to suddenly start doing that. But despite this, the plan had worked in his favour.

“I, uh,” The bartended cleared his throat awkwardly. “I’ll go get those drinks, then.” He nodded. As soon as he walked away to get their drinks, Matty released her hand which she promptly pulled in closer to herself.

  “The hell was that for?” She asked with a frown as soon as the bartender was out of earshot.

“What?” He asked without looking away from his phone.

“That.” She repeated as she waved the hand in question in his direction to catch his attention.

“Oh.” He slipped his phone back into his pocket, finally turning to look at her. “I just felt like maybe you’d be wanting to get back to the guys to-”

“What gave you the impression that I’d want that?” She interrupted with a frown.

“I’d like to think I know a thing or two about your wants and desires.” Normally him saying something like that would’ve tripped her up, would’ve forced her to think carefully about what her next move was. It usually would’ve ticked the right boxes of flirty and self-assured. But the juxtaposition between this Matty and the one that she’d seen no more than an hour ago in the studio was too startling. To go from genuine to cocky so quickly, the 180 practically gave her whiplash. And thinking that he had the right to make that call on her behalf, even if she was just being friendly and patient with the bartender? If he was chasing a reaction out of her, he was certainly about to get one. 

  “You don’t know what I want.” She fired at him. The tone in her voice hadn’t been what he was expecting, but it didn’t click until it was too late.

“I think I do.” He shot back. She could tell that he was trying to work that lilt of electric confidence into his tone, but that wasn’t going to work. He’d already said more than enough. Those four words pushed her over the edge. She’d felt like maybe Matty was getting somewhere with being an overall more sincere person to be around, but it turned out that he was still pulling the same shit as what he was months ago to get attention.

“It’s entirely unfair of you to decide what I want when you don’t even know what you want.” She spat back, the venom thick in her tone as she pushed herself back from the bar and headed towards the bathroom.

  Oh no. Again. He had gone and fucked it up again. He had been doing so well and now the pieces of his plan quickly shattered around him. He was fucking up one of the best friendships he’d ever had, all for a brief attempt at attention seeking. Fuck. He pulled a hand through his hair in frustration as he tried to think of a quick and easy way to backtrack – but there was no rewind for this. There was no rewind to fix those times when his egotistical impulsiveness shone through. What had seemed like a good idea only left him feeling worse. One negative feeling had just been replaced by a far stronger one. What was worse, was that he’d also roped her into his never-ending cycle of feeling shitty. He approached his friends sitting at their table towards the back of the bar, hoping that maybe they could offer some insight into how he could fix this.

“Guys, I-”

“Sort it out.” George interrupted, not caring to hear Matty go on a fifteen-minute-long explanation of whatever he’d done wrong. He’d seen Y/N/N walk away from the bar in a huff, and she gave that boy endless chances for whatever reason. To make her leave, Matty must’ve been a proper wanker.

“But-”

“You did it, you fix it.” He said with a dismissive hand wave. Ross and Adam just threw him apologetic looks, not overly wanting to get involved either.

  Their time at the bar had, unsurprisingly, come to an abrupt close after that. Once they’d finished their first round in a state of awkward chit chat, everyone seemed in mutual agreement that it was time to go. Matty mostly remained in his own head as he drank, trying to think of how to make up for what he’d done, and if he wasn’t gonna talk about it, neither was she. Once they left the bar, they headed back to their hotel that had been booked for the night. A minor perk of having more than one show in a single city, other than potential days off, was that they didn’t have to stay on the bus. This was a huge relief to George, Ross and Adam as they all struggled to fit comfortably in bus bunks. Pretty much as soon as she had closed her hotel room door behind her, she’d received a text from the offending frontman. Part of her wanted to ignore it, but morbid curiosity got the better of her.

5:23pm Will you be free in an hour?

5:24pm Why?

5:26pm Room 406

5:26pm What makes you think that I’m free?

5:30pm Are you saying that you’re not?

5:35pm Room 406 in an hour

  Against her better judgement, she begrudgingly did as requested and went to his room for six thirty. Despite that she was still mad at him for being such an ass, at the end of the day he was her friend and she didn’t want to end this time with him feeling resentful. As she reached out to knock on his door, she saw that it was slightly ajar. She pushed it open, calling out his name as she took a few cautious steps inside. The standard hotel room couch that was against the far wall in her room had been dragged over to be in front of the TV, the duvet was pulled off of the bed and draped over the back of it, and there was a bowl of popcorn sitting on the TV unit. “What is this?” She asked as her brows furrowed in confusion. An all too familiar curly mop of hair stuck its head around the corner as she said that.

“This… is me trying to make up for being a bit of a knob earlier.” He explained, making his way over to the other side of the couch. “I know that I took a genuine thing and twisted it into something insincere and selfish. I thought that we could pull a movie up on the telly and maybe have a couple of drinks? Quiet night in. Just us.” He offered.

“Well, the movie sounds okay, I guess.” She started as she looked at the selection screen that he’d already pulled up on the TV. “But I think I’m over drinking for today.”

“That’s, erm, fair enough,” He nodded. In hindsight, he probably could’ve predicted that. But he’d been a bit roped up during the last hour trying to think of what best to say. Not that he’d made much progress on that front, either. “Sorry, I make excuses to drink when I’m nervous.” He added sheepishly as he scratched at the back of his neck.

  She watched him with curiosity as he took a seat on the couch, motioning for her to sit down next to him. A few moments passed as she considered the offer. How fast he was jumping from sincere to arrogant today was unsettling. She felt like she was going around in circles in her head. “No funny business. I promise.” He said, holding his hand over his heart for emphasis.

She narrowed her eyes at him, trying to scope out if he was telling the truth. “Okay…” She eventually conceded as she sat down. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side as he started scrolling through movie options. At first, she went to move back from him. Experience, and forewarning from Adam, probably should’ve been enough to stop her from falling too much into this. But… She had to admit that it was pretty cold this time of year, and Matty was pretty damn warm. And it was nice. It was nice that he was trying to make up for his shitty actions with kind ones. It was nice that he had made an effort to try and cover up his usual smell of cigarette smoke and weed with hotel room soap, even if it didn’t quite do the trick. Spending time with just him was nice. The companionship, minus the bullshit and the charade they had going on sometimes, was sorely needed for the both of them. It had been quite a while since Matty had someone in his life that he could be like this with and he didn’t want to fuck that up. He supposed that the guys probably wouldn’t complain if he did it to them, but that wouldn’t really give the same effect. This felt comforting. It melted her resolve for being mad at him, and steeled his about how much time he wanted to spend around her. But he avoided thinking about the warm feeling in his chest too much. At the moment, he was trying to be apologetic and genuine. And this moment - this moment of the two of them sitting on the couch in quiet discussion over what movie to kill their time with - he suddenly realised was about as genuine as he had felt in a long time.

  For once it wasn’t fake, or a staged situation that he had fabricated to work in his favour. It was real. Which should have been worrying. Past Matthew Healy would’ve either needed to put up false pretenses to feel in control or would’ve just straight up escaped from it. But this felt strangely like where he was meant to be. He wasn’t entirely sure when he started feeling like he was past that point in his life. That point where he moped around, being depressed and dwelling on past mistakes that he couldn’t fix. Altering situations until he felt in control of them. Where he spent 90% of his time putting up a front so that people didn’t constantly ask him how he was doing and then he had to think about how he was doing. But somewhere along the lines in the last few months, he had stopped having that dread that he wasn’t doing the correct thing. That he had fucked something up, or was on the verge of it. He felt like maybe he was finally… on the right track? He glanced at the girl sitting next to him. Maybe the company had done him a lot better than he expected it to. He had hoped it would be enough of a distraction that he could at least not think about his depressed state of mind for a little while. What he hadn’t anticipated was that the company would pull him out of that state of mind entirely. The sudden realisation that he was actually doing okay these days was quite surprising.

“Are you gonna pick a movie?” She asked as she looked up at him, only to catch him looking back at her instead of at the TV. “What?”

“Thanks.” He blurted out.

“For?” She frowned.

“Hanging out with this loser for a whole tour.” He answered with a chuckle. “You didn’t have to come out here. You don’t have to put up with me like you do. I know I said it once before, but company makes things a lot easier for me. Five weeks with you…” He paused, actually looking somewhat… embarrassed? “It’s done me a lot of good, I think.” He finally admitted. 

  He really was taking this attempt at making up for being a dickhead earlier seriously. “It’s, uh,” She cleared her throat to try and regain her mental composure. “It was in my best interests to take up the offer. So, it’s really nothing.”

“Not to me, it’s not.” He replied casually. He dropped the subject after that, turning his attention back to what movie they were meant to be watching. The two of them settled into a comfortable silence, happy to let the atmosphere between them speak for itself. Hearing his steady heartbeat as she leaned into him was like a metronome, like white noise, the sound of it was enough to stabilise her thoughts after such a chaotic day. It wasn’t long before the two of them passed out. She’d woken up eventually to see the TV that they had fallen asleep watching still playing. Matty’s arm was also still draped around her waist, though the two of them had slid quite a bit further down the couch than how they were originally sitting. After some careful shuffling to retrieve her phone without disturbing him, she discovered that it was nearly two in the morning. It was probably in her best interests to move over to an actual bed instead of spending the night on a hotel room couch. Work for the show tomorrow would be difficult if she couldn’t bend her neck to the left. She started to sit up, pulling herself up on the couch slightly and moving to swing her legs over the side. But she was quickly stopped in her tracks when a deep voice broke the silence.

“Stay.” She heard Matty mumble quietly as his arm tightened around her. She was unsure that she’d heard him right. “Please.” He added, just above a whisper. Had she not been looking right at him as he said it, she would’ve missed it. She was still rather tired, and the couch was pretty comfortable. Who was she to deny him such a simple request?

  * * *

  Matty woke up the next morning with a hell of a stiff neck and a feeling that he desperately needed to crack his left knee, but he somehow felt more well rested than what he had in months. The fogginess slowly cleared from his brain as his eyes refocused on the TV in front of him. But before he had the chance to stretch out his aching limbs, Y/N/N beat him to the punch and sat up, reaching her arms up above her head with a loud yawn.

“I’m sorry, about yesterday.” He muttered; his voice still hoarse with sleep.

“I know,” She nodded as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes. “I’m sorry, too.” She added, flashing a small smile in his direction. The band had a show later that day, but Matty was pretty sure that he had an interview in the next couple of hours.

“I have to start getting ready.” He sighed, sitting up slightly on the couch. “I’ve got somewhere to be before midday.”

“Well, thank you for last night.” She said as she watched him stand up.

“It’s cool.” He shrugged. “I’m gonna go back to being a flirtatious piece of shit now, okay? But not a dickhead.” He punctuated that last point with a serious look. She just stared at him, waiting for him to continue. “It’s easier.” He shrugged. Easier than what? But there wasn’t much time to ponder that, because he made short work of getting ready and when left to her own devices it only made sense for her to head back to her own room to do the same. By ten that morning Matty was on his way to his interview, and the other four members of their posse found a nice café nearby to have breakfast in.

  Y/N/N found herself sat at a small table in said café with George, watching quietly as he fiddled around on his laptop. Adam and Ross had elected to kill some time in the record store next door, having already eaten this morning. But this was of no worry to them, because it was always nice to hang out with George one on one. He had such a down to earth personality and he was exceedingly good at keeping those around him calm and level-headed. However, at the moment she could see the concentration and slight stress in his features as he tried to wrap his head around what he was working on.

“How’s the track going?” She asked after a few moments.

“It’s… going.” He laughed as he took a sip of his coffee. “I’m piecing together those bits we recorded yesterday. Slow but sure progress.” He nodded.

“How’s it sounding?” She clarified. He shuffled around the table slightly so that she could get a view of the screen.

“Why don’t you tell me?” He asked as he slipped the headset off and handed it to her. “I’m trying to sort out a few of the production kinks. So, what do you reckon, this?” He played a snippet of the track. She listened carefully, trying to pick up the nuances of it. It sounded good. “Or this?” He played the same snippet again but she could hear a few minor changes this time. But to determine the exact differences was hard. It reminded her of being at an eye exam when the optometrist asked you if you preferred slide one or slide two and to you, they felt more or less the same.

“I, uh…” She handed the headset back as she tried to think of a reasonable response. It was a struggle to try and give him a straight answer. “They’re both good?” She eventually offered. “I’m sorry, I’m probably not the person to ask.” She added with a laugh.

“It’s all right.” He chuckled. “I’ll get the boys to look over it with me later.” He said with a shrug as a waiter brought their meals over. It was as good a time as any for a break, so he shut his laptop and left that work for later. 

  With the rest of the band busy enjoying their late breakfast at the café, Matty had been forced out to a one on one interview at some local venue. It bothered him every now and again that certain interviewers only ever wanted to chat to him, and not the whole band. After all, he’d be nowhere if not for them. He wished that he could get away with being the quiet one, the one who just got to sit there and zone out. But he’d signed his fate in this band long ago. Everyone knew by now that he was the charismatic loud mouth who had all the answers (or just talked until people forgot the original question). So, he made himself somewhat presentable and went out to the theatre that the interviewer wanted to meet him at. It was set to be a quick, video interview which worked well for him. Rock up, yap on a bit about the band, smile at the camera, be back in time for a joint before soundcheck.

  “So, we had a list sent in to us of a bunch of questions relating to each of the songs from your first self-titled album. Would you mind if we asked some?” The interviewer asked, flipping over to the next page in her notebook.

“Go for it.” He shrugged, pushing back into the wall he was leaning against.

“The question for The City: If you could fall in love in any city, what would it be and why?” She asked as she held the mic out to him.

“London. It’s probably my favourite city.” He answered with a firm nod.

“The one for Money is: Have you ever taken drugs?” She questioned, looking across at him.

“Yes.” He answered bluntly, trying his best not to roll his eyes. He was fairly certain that was pretty common knowledge at this point in his very public personal life.

“For Chocolate: Do you have a problem with authority?”

He snorted a laugh before answering, “Yes.”

  “Heart Out: Do you have feelings for someone and wish they were reciprocated?” She asked.

He opened his mouth to answer with the default response but the words seemed to stall in his throat. His answer was going to be ‘no’, but the more he thought about it the more he realised that might be lying. Technically the bet he had was all about getting someone to reciprocate feelings. It was kind of the entire point. “Uh… yeah.” He said with a nod, hoping that she didn’t pry any more on the matter.

She let out an interested ‘ooo’ and he couldn’t help but grimace slightly at what he knew was about to come. “Would you pursue these feelings?” The interviewer asked with curiosity.

He thought on that for a moment. Strictly speaking, the bet was quite literally a case of pursuing them. But he was certain that she meant pursuing them in a more relationship-wise sort of way and less in the way that he was going about it. The more he thought on this, the more he found himself feeling nervous about his answer. It had been a long time since he’d been properly close with someone, especially in any capacity like last night. It was probably just that. Just circumstance. And he had an inkling that if he dwelled on it for too long, he’d lose his motivation for the bet and he knew that he was only ever getting closer by the day.  “Maybe in a more forgiving set of social circumstances.” He answered eventually.

  She continued on without saying anything else on the topic, “This one is for Sex: Have you ever been with someone who already had a partner?” She asked. He let out a sigh of relief that they had moved away from a topic he was trying to avoid investing too much thought in before answering the question.

“The person who wrote this list does know that I wrote these songs, yeah?” He laughed loudly. “Like, they’re about me. You can assume that they’re from my perspective.” The interviewer scrapped the remaining questions on the list after that and let him get back to his day. He went back. He smoked his joint. He soundchecked. He hung out with his friends. He played a show. He continued about the usual tour routine. But the realisation was starting to settle in that they only had three shows left. Only six days until the tour was over. Matty felt like time was closing in on him.

  The next day as they drove to the third to last show, he found himself sitting in the back lounge - his feet up on the seat next to him, watching the rain trickle down the glass and the road pass behind them. His mind kept being dragged back to that question he had been asked in the interview. He’d always held an interest in Y/N/N, that much he was well aware of since the day that they’d met. But since he’d gotten so roped up in his determination to get her to confess her feelings, he’d lost sight of his own. Whenever she’d asked him back in that bar what his end game was, he had said that he didn’t know. At the time that seemed like a reasonable enough answer, his state of mind wasn’t the best and he wasn’t in a position to be committing to anything new, much less a relationship. And he’d done his best to make sure that she was aware of that so that he didn’t feel like he was putting her under false pretenses. But it had been months now, he’d come to realise he was in a much more stable place mentally and emotionally, and yet he still didn’t have any true direction. What was he going to do once she told him? He needed an answer. Soon. The tour had less than a week left. He was knocked out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps approaching behind him.

“What’re you doin’, Matt?” George asked as he leaned against the door frame.

“Just vibin’.” He shot back. The drummer rolled his eyes. “Being contemplative.” He elaborated with a shrug, taking a sip of the tea sitting in his lap.

“About?” He asked, stepping into the room and taking a seat opposite his friend.

“To say what you want – it’s hard, innit?” George knew better than to answer a rhetorical question like that and instead waited for Matty continue. “I’ve spent so much of my life thinking about the future and worrying about stuff. Worrying about shit that I can’t change. And I’m starting to feel like maybe I should be worrying about the things that I can.”

  George could sense where this conversation was going. That Matty was getting close to the realisation that his feelings for Y/N/N were considerably less superficial than he gave them credit for. He wasn’t sure what had brought on this epiphany in his best friend, but the vibe of this conversation was telling him that he was on the right track to sorting out his own head. A little voice in the back of his mind reminded him of that bet that he had made with Adam and Ross. Was now his chance to let Matty in on the secret that everyone else knew? Or should he let his friend work his way there himself?

“I think that maybe you need to think about how far you’ve come, mate.” He resigned with a sigh. Letting Matty come to the discovery himself was probably going to be the best course of action. “You’re not the same person that you were ten years ago, even if you still make similarly dumb mistakes from time to time. What mattered to you then might not be the same things that you want to take into your future.”

Matty looked back over at his friend with a confused frown, hearing in his voice George wasn’t giving him all of the information that he had. “What’re you getting’ at?” He asked as George stood up.

“Consider what makes you happy, work your way up from there.” He explained, patting his friend’s shoulder as he walked back out of the back lounge. 

  * * *

  George’s advice perhaps could’ve been slightly… more blunt, and to the point. Because what Matty found makes him happy was often instant gratification. And what he wanted most at this exact moment was to win that damn bet. There was one show left on their tour before everyone headed back home. One show to get her to crack. He had to pull out all of the stops if he was going to make this count. But this was what he had spent the last six weeks working out. What were the best things to get a reaction – what worked and what didn’t. Now was his time to shine and prove that he wasn’t just blindly fumbling in the dark. It was a few hours before they were set to play, stage setup was done, merch was set up. He was pretty certain that the majority of his friends were on the bus waiting for soundcheck. Now was the time. Matty sent her a text to come to the green room to help him out with something and then waited patiently. He worried slightly when he hadn’t received a reply at first, but within a few minutes he heard footsteps approaching. This was it. Show time.

  “Yeah, what’s-” Her sentence suddenly wasn’t able to complete itself and she had to do a double take as she caught sight of the man in front of her. Matty was leaning against the table in the middle of the green room, cigarette in hand, staring lazily down at his phone sitting on his knee. For whatever reason he hadn’t bothered to button up the suit shirt that he was wearing, and his hair looked like he hadn’t touched it in days. He was even wearing the same ripped jeans she’d seen him wear at the last show. It was possibly one of the most casual looks that she had seen him in of late, and she fucking hated that despite this, he looked hot as hell. She hated it even more that he was almost definitely well aware of this information and probably also well aware of the way that it was making the synapses in her brain short out. He glanced up eventually, letting the smoke out of his lungs and putting his cigarette out in the ash tray sitting next to him.

“Can I ask a favour of you?” He asked as he pushed himself up off of the table. That annoying level confidence that he seemed to radiate was practically like static electricity in the room.

“Anythi-“ She started, before clearing her throat anxiously and trying to get her thoughts together. Her brain seemed to have just fallen right out of her skull as she crossed the threshold into this room. “I mean, uh-” And it was extremely hard to concentrate on finding it again with Matty approaching her looking like that. “yeah. What’s up?” She asked, deciding to look at the ground instead.

  His index finger came to rest under her chin before pulling her gaze back up to his. Fuck. Having to look into his chocolate brown eyes when he was acting like this, it made this whole situation all too difficult to resist. He leaned in slightly closer before speaking. “If I were trying to impress a girl who would be watching the show tonight, do you think that this would suffice?”

“Absolutely.” She blurted out without thinking.

“Good to know.” He chuckled as he brushed past her and out the door of the green room. She turned around, looking in the direction that he had gone in confusion. What had just happened? Surely that ordeal wasn’t coincidental? The tone in his voice was too suggestive for any of that to have been a fluke. He’d intentionally caught her interest and then left her drooling over him. Why would- suddenly it clicked. That cocky bastard fucking knew that he had won, and he just walked away. He didn’t even press the topic of the bet at all. “See you at soundcheck.” His voice echoed back down the hallway. That absolute fucker. Unfortunately for her, six weeks trapped in close quarters with Matthew Healy had done exactly what she had predicted it might. It made her feelings for him so much worse. Tonight was going to be difficult.  She was unsure if her heart rate would be able to survive through soundcheck, let alone nearly two hours of watching him on stage. Maybe she could just skip the show? No, he’d definitely find a way for her to be there. By the time she’d finished psyching herself up to tolerate a couple of songs in soundcheck, the band were nearly ready to go.

  As she walked up to the barrier of the pit, she heard Matty call her name. “Watch this.” Matty grinned, making a motion to the rest of the band. Do I have to? The familiar starting notes of The Sound started filling the empty stadium. Of course. Of course. Should she really have expected any less of him than to play this song? The annoying thing was that in this frame of mind and with him… like that, she couldn’t do anything but watch him. His direct interaction with her as they ran through the song was minimal, instead he racked his brain for the things that he’d done on stage in the past that he’d caught her watching. And it worked a treat. Her attention was trained on him the entire time. As the song came to an end, her brain felt absolutely fried. He must’ve recognised her half-dazed state because he jumped down into the space between the barrier and the stage to put the final nail in the coffin. He leant across the metal railing, and for a brief moment she thought he might’ve been about to kiss her. She was pretty certain that she might spontaneously combust if he did.

“You could just tell me, you know.” He whispered. Her heart hammered against her ribcage as she tried to compose her thoughts. After a few seconds he moved back, meeting her gaze and seeing how flustered she was.

“Fuck you.” She mumbled with her last hint of tenacity and desire to win a futile bet, tearing her eyes away from him to look behind him at the screens on the stage.

“You could if you’d like.” He quipped with a knowing look. She was suddenly dragged back to the weekend that she’d met him. That damn radio interview he’d pulled her into. It was nearly five months ago now since he’d pulled that stunt on her. Had it really been that long..? “Suit yourself, love.” He said with a chuckle as he hopped back up on stage. 

Last Chapter

Next Chapter

[momorabu]

Code Realize ~Future Blessings~ Playthrough - After Story White Rose - side Fran -

Warning: Spoilers. Image heavy post.

Please read Fran’s route on the original Code Realize’s playthrough before procceeding.

Finally~! Sorry if this was a long wait, but I decided to summarize the entire route into a post rather than splitting it up since I wanted to do a shorter playthrough than my usual ones as I find myself getting too long-winded ^^; Nevertheless, I end up adding alot of thoughts and the route was still pretty long to write so there you have it~ Enjoy the Fran and Cardia moments below ^^

Before the story starts, there was some flashback to the earlier game in regards to what had happened. (I personally like how it was basically a monologue of Fran’s thoughts, especially the part where he explained that he initially wanted to help Cardia in order to get rid of his guilt, deluding himself that by doing so, he might be able to erase his sins.)

Now, onto the future after the main game!

Fran and Cardia were still staying together at the huge mansion that Saint had left in their care. Fran had his day job as the royal alchemist at the palace, and the scene started with Cardia reminding Fran not to forget anything before he left for work. (Apparently, Fran was a little clumsy to have forgotten his stethoscope the day before, had his shoes worn on the opposite feet the week before, and had even accidentally brought Sisi to work XD)

(Fran’s explanation sounds like he didn’t have a good night sleep due to something Cardia did the night before... >////<)

Cardia noticed that Fran had a cowlick poking up on his head and was about to touch his hair to flatten when she realised what she was about to do and immediately stepped back. She isn’t wearing her gloves now, and she had been taking medicine to control her condition, but she was still afraid of her accidentally harming Fran. 

Fran took her hand and put it on his cheeks, assuring her that it’s fine and she did not need to be afraid. There’s no scent of melting, rotten flesh, and instead, she felt the warmth of her lover. It felt that only a little time had passed since Cardia had managed to touch things, so Fran tried to help her to feel comfortable about her sense of touch, which Cardia really appreciated.

Fran encouraged her not to rush, and that she’s just a regular girl now. (He even calls her his princess, awww~ >/////< When did Fran become such a sweet-talker~)

But, it’s not the time to endless indulge in touching each other’s cheeks now since Fran was going to be late. Cardia rushed Fran off to work, though she knew that she would have kept holding onto him if he didn’t have to work. Just as she lingered for Fran (when he just left ^^;), Fran came back again, claiming that he had forgotten something.

(Yep, this was what he had forgotten - to tell Cardia that he loves her, aww~ ^///^ Too bad he didn’t manage to stay for her answer.)

The story then went onto explain what other stuff had happened after the main game. Victoria had changed herself and now planned to aim for peace with progression and development for the country. Fran had rejoined the Royal Society once again as an alchemist.

In the day when Fran was working, Cardia would be cleaning and tidying up the mansion, the place where it held many memories of her and her friends. Now, only Fran, Sisi and she were the ones remaining in the mansion, with Saint, the original owner, signing the property over to them, and departed for France. (Wow, Saint just gave them a free house just like that... OWO) Cardia had decided that she shall take care and keep the mansion in top condition so that when her friends returned, the mansion would be just like how they’ve remembered it. 

(In case anyone was interested, Lupin and Impey were still travelling together, seeking of something of great import, whereas Van and Dora-chan were working together to protect the remaining surviving vampires.)

Remembering about her friends and realising the Fran wasn’t around in the house either made Cardia felt quite lonely, but Sisi nestled close to her feet to remind her that he’s still there. (So cute~) Suddenly, Sisi noticed something and ran off, thus Cardia chased after him to the dining room, and realised that there was a parcel on the floor... which was actually Fran’s lunchbox (Why is it lying there on the floor o.O?) Realising that this was perhaps an excuse for her to see Fran, Cardia decided to send the lunch box to him and set off with Sisi.

However, Fran wasn’t at his workplace when Cardia reached there, as he was attending a meeting at the palace with the Queen instead. Cardia could have left Fran’s lunchbox there actually, but she decided to head all the way to the palace instead. (Cardia must really want to see Fran badly XD) The guards were there when she arrived, and since she can’t just go through them, Cardia wondered whether she should just stay and wait until the meeting is over. 

A voice called out to her just then, and to her surprise, it’s Van~! (Van’s face when he realised that Cardia had come all the way to the palace just to give Fran his lunch~ XD)

Van decided to lend Cardia a hand in getting her into the palace by following him. Turned out that Van was here as a bodyguard for Dora-chan and this other person called Marquis Renfield, who was a supporter in Dora-chan’s aim to establish a vampire-governed zone, and their seminar for today was the one that Fran was attending. 

When Cardia spotted Fran, he was apologising to Dora-chan, revealing to him that he was the one had droved his vampire clan almost to extinction, since the poisonous Zicterium gas used to kill the vampires was ultimately invented by him. Though Fran knew that no apologies would be enough for him to atone his sins, he wanted to find someone who had survived, which in this case, Dora-chan, and attempt an apology. 

Dora-chan calmly told Fran that if he had not told him what he had done, Dora-chan himself would have never known about his sins, and thus not even have to apologise for it. But that won’t do for Fran since the guilt pained him every time they shared a conversation, and he knew that if he had continued on keeping this a secret, he would never be able to share a genuine moment with him. Dora-chan simply smiled and said that he knew what kind of a person Fran was and knew that he won’t be someone who would create a murder weapon of his own wish. He told Fran to stop taking responsibility for his creation and asked him to stop hating his own self because of that. (Now that Dora-chan had forgiven him and asked him to forgive himself, it seems that everything was much better now~ ^^)

When Van and Cardia approached them, Dora-chan blushed when he realised that they were eavesdropping on them, and also because Van had praised him that he was like his father XD Cardia told Fran that she was happy for him, now that he had finally dealt a thing that had been plaguing him for a long time.

Fran was curious why Cardia was here though, thus Cardia showed him the lunch he had forgotten to bring along with him. Dora-chan got curious and peeked into the basket Cardia had brought, then started asking whether this was a lunch packed with love and adoration, which made Fran started to blush furiously XD

(Cardia, you are not helping the situation by admitting to it XD)

(This scene is seriously too adorable <3)

Too bad that Fran had yet another talk after lunch, and thus wasn’t able to take the time to walk Cardia back to the mansion. Cardia decided to head home back herself, bidding goodbye to Van and Dora-chan, who promised that they would call on them when they passed by London again.

Before Cardia could leave though, she met Leonhardt, who told her that the Queen would like to see her. Even though Cardia was worried, Fran assured her with a smile that it would be alright. 

Queen Victoria smiled when she saw Cardia, explaining that she just wanted to have a chat with her and was even alright with Cardia calling her by her name. There had been major changes since the last time they had met, with Victoria reducing the military pressure on neighbouring European countries, and shifting towards a policy of peace. Victoria revealed that she had personally walked down the ruined street of the Lower Town of London, and saw it for herself how her actions had caused grief and misery to that part of the city. But she realised the people living there had not given up, continuing to rebuild their home, and found ways to survive and move forward. It was then she knew that the Britains themselves and Great Britain was not weak. 

(The Queen smiles here which I found it a beautiful sight <3)

Victoria decided that she shall now oversee the country’s progress rather than acting as a direct protector, claiming that she shall lay down the groundworks for future Britain. In fact, she had been so busy recently that she doesn’t even have the time to complain, which Cardia offered to listen to her whenever she’s free or even both of enjoying a teatime together.

Suddenly, Victoria motioned to Cardia to get closer, and wanted to know how things were proceeding with Cardia and Fran. Cardia smiled and answered Fran was always being very kind to her, even telling her that he loves her every day, (Aww, Fran does dotes on Cardia very much >////<) The Queen was glad to hear that and mentioned that it’s lovely to find someone that she can share her innermost self with, even remarking that she wanted to give marriage a try.

 (Poor Leonhardt did not take to this well though XD)

Victoria assured Leonhardt it would still be in the distant future that she will get married since stabilizing the country was her priority now. Even Cardia noticed that Leonhardt’s smile when he’s relieved seems more personal... (Hmm~? O////O) Cardia was glad to have the chance to share a pleasant afternoon chat with the Queen nevertheless.

As she walked home with Sisi though, she saw an elderly couple and wondered whether she and Fran would be like that someday, perfectly serene. She tried to imagine that, but couldn’t in the end...

When they were having a late teatime together after Fran came back from work, he noticed that Cardia seems abit distracted, and wondered whether she’s feeling unwell. 

(Cardia being unwell could be a good excuse to visit Fran, now that he had said that XD)

(It’s so adorable how Fran just straight up gave Cardia a peck on the cheeks with this confession~ >////< Guess what Cardia had said about Fran telling her that he loves her every day was true after all~)

However, their lovey-dovey time was soon stopped by a guest, who was none other than Saint, after coming back from France for some “business”. Saint was serious as he met them, telling them that there’s someone he wanted them to meet, or say, confront. And thus, three of them set off into the night and ended up on tower bridge.

Fran soon realised that something was amiss when he got on the bridge, remarking that it was weirdly quiet around here when usually there should still be traffic around here at this time.

The first person to appear before them was... someone in armour which Cardia remarked that she had seen before. A voice came from within the armour, explaining that they had been observing her ever since she had come in contact with Saint. An old woman in a wheelchair soon appeared next, and noticing Fran’s and Cardia’s confused faces, guessed that Saint had not told them anything at all. 

The old woman introduced herself as Omnibus, and that she governed an organisation known as Idea, where others had referred to them as “agents of destiny” or “guides of history”. Their mission was to ensure that history unfolds justly and to coax humanity away from grievous error. Turned out that Saint was a member of the organisation, an apostle as well as the woman in armour - Guinevere. 

Fran questioned their motive for meeting them here, to which Omnibus replied that she’s here to give them a warning, as well as offering a proposal for Fran. Apparently, Idea was impressed by Fran’s intelligence but was worried that he might cross into the realm of taboo like Isaac in creating what that was not supposed to, which was Cardia. They wished that Fran would consider things carefully before creating something, which Fran promised that he would take responsibility for what he had created, considering how he knew that the Zicterium he had created had caused countless of death. 

But the warning was just the beginning of what Idea had wanted to talk to Fran about. Their main aim was regarding Cardia, as even though her Horologium was currently rendered to be completely inert, there was still a possibility that it would awake someday, and that the dangerous poison would come back again. Fran was angry as he countered that this was impossible since he had used different methods available to check that the Horologium was stable, and thus the possibility of it reactivating was zero. 

However, what Idea was worried was not the Horologium reactivating in recent years, but instead, hundreds and hundreds of years later, since Cardia was still considered inhuman even if her body was not poisonous anymore, and might have a longer lifespan than one had thought of. 

(All this talk about Cardia was torture to herself, I feel bad for her D:)

And thus, since Idea was greatly fond of Fran’s talents, they wanted to offer him to become a member of the organisation, an apostle just like what Saint had become. 

Fran was shocked and wondered if this was an order, to which Idea informed him that if Fran was to choose to join them, he would be granted immortality, and he would get eternal life with Cardia this way. Obviously, this offer was very attractive to Fran, but Saint quickly stepped in and asked Omnibus to warn him about the consequences if he were to choose to become an apostle. 

In exchange for Fran’s immortality, he would have to dedicate his entire existence to Idea and carried out their orders, which was usually to kill others to remove their humanity to bring peace and prevent disasters from happening. Fran now had two choices, to accept Idea’s offer and be able to spend eternity with Cardia or to keep on living as a human and die one day, leaving Cardia alone in the world. Fran was suspicious about Idea’s purging of whoever that might bring harm to the world, since if Cardia was deemed as someone harmful, she was also considered a target by them as well. Initially, Saint was ordered to remove Cardia’s existence but Saint had pleaded with them to spare Cardia’s life, and now that Fran had managed to suppress Cardia’ poison, they decided to let her continue with her life for now. But if the Horologium was to create poison again in the future, Idea would spare no mercy in killing her. (Damn, Idea just seems really bent on on “purging” Cardia this entire conversation actually, and they kept calling her the cursed daughter D:)

Fran asked for time to think about the offer and was ultimately given three days to make his decision. When Omnibus and Guinevere were gone, Saint apologised as he had wanted to help to shield them from Idea, so that they can continue to live happily and peacefully together. Turned out that rather than going to France which he claimed to, Saint had actually gone to plead with Omnibus all these while, asking for Idea not interfere with their lives. Cardia was glad that Saint had helped them to ask for this chance though, as both Fran and Cardia knew that they would have to face with this problem regarding Cardia’s immortality eventually.

(Yes, these two had gotten so strong after what had happened in the first game T////T)

The two returned back to the mansion, but Cardia found herself unable to sleep, thinking that even though the poison was gone from her, she only looked like a normal girl and was ultimately still....a monster. Fran joined her at the garden, later on, remarking that he was unable to sleep too, and looking at his smile, Cardia wondered why can he still smile at a time like this. 

(Fran’s smile looks painful though T////T)

Fran admitted that he was worried, but he touched Cardia’s cheeks as always, assuring her that everything would be alright, but rather than worrying alone, he decided to stay by Cardia’s side instead. Cardia knew that Fran must be feeling more worried than her, but he was still so caring and warm towards her, which broke her mental defence and poured out to him that she was very frustrated and scared regarding this entire thing. She’s scared that she would end up destroying Fran’s future, her poison might come back someday and also losing Fran. Cardia realised that she had become weaker since, in the past, she was alright in spending nights alone by herself and being called a monster, but now... she could hardly bear the thought of landing herself in such a situation again. 

Fran was serious as he assured her once again that everything will be fine, and that he would never ever let her be turned back into a monster, even after hundreds and thousands of years. But in midst of his words, Cardia could sense a little amount of uncertainty in his voice, but all she could do was to break into a sob in his arms, knowing that Fran had never even mentioned what would happen to him at all. As Fran comforted her and got her back to bed, Cardia wondered what Fran was thinking about actually, and what will he decided on in answering Omnibus... Fran could only tell Cardia that he was still thinking about it, promising her that when he came to a decision, he would inform her first before anyone else. 

(I do like Fran’s determination here though, even though he had absolutely no idea what he should do at this point in time...)

The story continues on in Fran’s point of view. Two days had passed since Idea had offered the proposal to Fran, but what he had done till now was just comforting Cardia, and that was all he could do. Fran wondered what he was supposed to do, anxious to come to a conclusion before tomorrow evening. But he knew that there would be regrets regardless of whichever path he chose.

Just then, Saint appeared before him, noticing that Fran seems tired and sympathize his circumstances. Saint was considered a friend yet an enemy to Fran, since he had been acting secretly on behalf of Idea when he was with them, with orders to eliminate the Horologium, yet he did not. He told Saint that it was difficult to understand Idea’s prerogatives and he could not even forgive Omnibus for calling Cardia a “cursed” being. But, Fran was the most frustrated with himself, knowing that after all his efforts, he was still unable to mend Cardia. Saint encouraged Fran that he had actually done alot for her, by suppressing her poison, and teaching her about human warmth and learning to love others. 

Fran had initially thought that as long as he could suppress Cardia’s poison, they would be able to move on with their lives happily, but they indeed have to think about Cardia’s lifespan. Though it might be like an average person’s lifespan, there was also a possibility of her living on for hundreds and thousands of years just like what Omnibus had deduced. But regardless the length, Fran was firm in his goal in never letting Cardia becoming a monster, and will do anything in order to make her happy. 

He was about to come to a decision to join the Idea with Saint when the latter asked him whether Cardia was just a justification for him to reach a decision. Saint said that Cardia was a gentle and kind-hearted girl, which Fran should know better than others and wondered whether Fran was willing to spend an eternity bound to killing others for the sake of their future, and asked Fran whether doing that will make Cardia truly happy. 

(Off-topic but I do love this huge close up of Fran’s face here >////<)

Fran was at a lost and claimed loudly what on earth should he do. Though Fran will make sure that everything will be fine as long as the two of them are together, he worried about what will happen when he dies, thinking about how Cardia will be left alone forever and ever without him, living in terror and wondering when her poison was going to come back and turn her back into a monster... Therefore, in order to prevent that from happening, Fran saw it as a must that he had to continue living, in order to make Cardia happy.

But Saint’s words soon brought Fran back to reality. What he had said was his own vision of happiness, as Fran had no idea whether what he had thought of was Cardia’s happiness. If Fran were to pass away in the future, Saint would offer to watch over Cardia as part of his job of surveilling, but honestly, Saint wondered what would Cardia’s idea of happiness be with Fran. 

Even though Saint had tried to sound calm when he talked, Fran noticed a tint of anger in his voice. Saint warned Fran that eternity was far too long to be spent alone, making Fran wondered how long did Saint had lived, or how many missions he had done for Idea. Saint remarked that how he would be seeing them passing away one by one in the future, and when that time arrives, he would occasionally remember the days that they’ve spent happily together, and continue to live on with that. That would be the pain that Fran would have to bear if he chooses to go on this path, and Saint continued on that perhaps it was a blessing that he himself does not know of love, and thus he won’t have to bear this type of pain. (I feel abit bad for Saint when he said he doesn’t know love though TWT) Saint’s wish was that both Fran and Cardia would be able to remain as they are, and said that though a human’s life may be short when compared to the apostles of Idea, it would still be longer than what Fran had thought to be, claiming that the decades Fran had ahead of him would be enough for him to struggle through.

Thanks to Saint’s insight, Fran’s troubles seem to have cleared as he thanked him for his help. To that, Saint simply smiled and disappeared. Fran knew that Saint initially have no intention on talking about himself or his past, but he decided to, in the end, seeing that he trusted Fran enough, and had viewed him as a friend. The two paths Fran had in front of him, he decided that it was all too early for him to choose either path yet. 

Back on Cardia’s side, everything was as per normal, though she realised that she wasn’t feeling hungry and came to a revelation once again that she’s inhuman as she doesn’t need to eat to survive. She worried about herself becoming a monster once Fran was gone, though she knew that Fran swore that he would never let her become a monster and promised that she would never be alone too again. She wondered how Fran was going to carry out these promises, and knowing that she would be robbing Fran of a natural future, she’s not happy about it. Cardia could not bear the thought of sweet and kind Fran becoming an apostle and killing people an eternity. 

In the end, Cardia decided to go on a walk with Sisi to clear her head, and along the way, she noticed many royal guards and met up with Leonhardt, who explained that the Queen will be at the Royal Society today. Seems like Victoria likes to roam the city more nowadays since she felt that going out will aid her to gain more wisdom rather than staying cooped up in the palace.

Suddenly, Leonhardt apologised to her, especially for his actions against them as the Zicterium facility where they had confronted the Queen. Cardia forgave him, saying that they have very opposing beliefs at that time, but Leonhardt still felt bad about pulling his blade against her and hoped that she will accept his apology... as well as gratitude, since Cardia and Fran had helped prevent the Queen and Leonhardt himself from making a drastic mistake, smiling as he claimed that their actions had helped in creating the future of Britain. 

(Leonhardt’s smile was just too dazzling here~ +W+)

Leonhardt’s smile as he showed his confidence in the future made Cardia turned away as she found herself unable to face him, muttering that she found him amazing to be so positive about the future without any proof, and had, in fact, felt jealous about it. I really like Leonhardt’s answer towards Cardia so I’ll just let him say it below:

Leonhardt’s words reminded Cardia of the times when Fran had strived to save her life, even at the cost of his own life, and that because she had trusted and believed in him, they were all able to live today. Cardia decided that she shall be the one to help Fran and told him what he had told her before when he was suffering alone now, rather than relying on him to comfort her. And off she went to find Fran immediately, with Leonhardt chasing after her to stop her as Fran and the Queen were still in the middle of an important conference.

At that moment, Fran and Queen were discussing in the conference, which Victoria felt reassured that things would be able to proceed even more smoothly now that Fran had come back to the Royal Society. She noticed that he lacked confidence, and wondered what were his troubles about. 

However, before Fran could reply, Cardia rushed into the room and ended pushing Fran to the floor, asking him what was he going to do about Idea. Since Fran had said before that Cardia could find him at work, Cardia decided to do that since she can’t wait even a moment longer to hear Fran’s answer. Cardia revealed her wish to Fran -  she didn’t want him to join Idea and kill people just to secure her future, even if she does want a future together with him.

(Awww~ I just love this point of view from Cardia <3 Even Fran’s glasses got knocked off by the impact XD)

It was then Fran realised that his thoughts were different on what Cardia had wanted for her happiness since he had wanted to become an apostle at Idea if that was what it takes to prevent Cardia from weeping in agony and desperate for him when he wasn’t around anymore. In the end, if the future isn’t one that they would smile together, Fran guessed that it isn’t even one that they should consider. Cardia told Fran that she wanted to be the one to help Fran this time, by helping him to find the answer if he had yet to make up his mind, by finding a third path if either of those options will make either of them miserable.

(I know this was a joke by Fran, but erm... it would be scary if it’s true~)

(Confession time again~! >/////<)

Fran got up and complimented that Cardia was indeed a strong yet kind-hearted girl, and that was why he loves her, as he embraced her. He revealed that he just wanted to have a normal life with her, and doesn’t really care about maintaining the order in world history, and had made his final decision, which Cardia doesn’t have to worry about. 

Victoria interrupted them at this moment since she found it boring to be on the sidelines, though she’s glad to have witnessed this interesting scenario of Cardia pushing Fran to the floor. 

(Haha, Victoria’s teasing ended up making Fran blushed XD)

However, since Queen Victoria had heard about them talking about Idea, she was interested and wanted to know more about it, especially since she heard that they were involved in maintaining world history, though she also offered them help if they required it against Idea. Fran decided to reveal what they had learned about Idea (with some omissions though), and while they were grateful for Victoria’s offer to help them, they decided to face this problem by themselves, making a promise to report to her when this fiesta was over. 

It’s finally the night that Fran had to give his answer to Omnibus, though until the last hours, they've yet to prepare their best response. Fran had an idea though and asked Cardia to trust him, even though what he was proposing was going to be abit of a gamble. 

Saint met up with them later on and brought them to the same bridge again. Fran was worried about what will happen to Saint since his actions already proved to Idea that he’s biased to them, which Saint replied that he would be fine since he would have been eliminated long ago if it had been that bad. Saint wondered what was the odds of winning in Fran’s “gamble”, which Fran answered he had no idea, but he isn’t going to give up on this possibility. 

Sensing that Cardia seems nervous and afraid, Fran could only hold onto her hand, but that was already more reassuring that any words in Cardia’s heart ^////^

Omnibus and Guinevere soon appeared, asking for the decision to be made. Cardia could sense that the atmosphere had changed, with Fran motioning her to stand behind him while glaring at Omnibus, and even Saint’s intent to kill was exuding even though he had yet to draw his blade. 

Fran told Omnibus that the offer of being grant immortality was very appealing, and Omnibus urged him to accept it, even offering to grant him a wish of staying alongside with Cardia if he chooses to join Idea. But, even though Fran wishes to stay with Cardia and live with her, what he meant was the opposite of what Omnibus had expected. He had decided not to join Idea and just wanted to live his life with her since Cardia doesn’t wish for Fran to take the lives of others for the sake of their future together. The options for Fran were to either cease his humanity to gain an eternity with Cardia, or to erase Cardia’s existence since Idea still sees her as a threat, but both options were not what Fran had wanted, and thus he’s going to aim for another future that they had wished for.

Omnibus warned Fran again about Cardia having the possibility of reverting to a monster, which Fran promised that it would not happen as long as he was still living, swearing to protect her at all costs. Since the offer was being rejected, Idea might have to attack Fran and Cardia, but Saint warned Guinevere from getting any closer, as Fran had yet to make his offer to Omnibus.

Since Omnibus had praised Fran of his talents, Fran wondered perhaps he would be able to fully understand the Horologium within his lifespan, as he had already been able to suppress the Horologium’s production of poison completely within a year. Thus, he pleaded for Omnibus to give him time, until his death to fully analyze Horologium, though it was not to completely removing the poison from Cardia but instead ensuring that her lifespan would be similar of a human, with Cardia agreeing on shortening her lifespan voluntarily. This was after the discussion Cardia had with Fran - rather than him sacrificing his humanity to be with her, she wanted to be changed into a complete human being instead. If Fran had failed in his research to shorten Cardia’s lifespan, she asked for Idea to come and take her life away when Fran had passed away. Fran had made this proposal as a test for himself so that he could test his own potential in alchemy. He vowed to search for a way to make Cardia a human so that she will never become a monster again. 

However, Omnibus remarked that she could not see such a future working out for them, and the proposal does not guarantee peace for the world, and thus she could not accept it. With that said, Idea still viewed Cardia as a target and decided to eliminate her...

Omnibus even asked for Cardia to give up her life for the sake of peace, but Cardia just wanted to live with Fran and rejected her order. (Seriously who would actually do that =w=“)

Idea started to summon other apostles to fight against Saint, Fran and Cardia, up to eight of them which surprised Saint since he had never seen an incident which requires that many Apostles. (But that’s just how serious Idea had viewed this situation D:)

Though they were outnumbered, Saint isn’t willing to bow down without a fight, and even Cardia offered to help too, though she won’t be able to use her poison as an advantage anymore. However, suddenly there was the sound of gunshots in the air, and guess who’s here to save the day?!

Yep, it’s the rest of the gang! Saint revealed that he had actually called for them beforehand and brought them here so that they could come and give Fran and Cardia a hand when the situation calls for it. Cardia felt relieved and reassured since the appearance of her friends made the atmosphere much lighter.

(Saint was indeed in a difficult position, but I admire his courage to create a different path for his friends, even if it meant defying Idea’s orders though he isn’t planning on betraying them.)

Lupin’s gang doesn’t really believe much in helping the world in getting on the right path, all they cared now was to grant Cardia’s and Fran’s happiness since the two of them had worked so hard trying to attain them.

(I can’t help to fangirl abit over Lupin here. That was so cool coming from him! >////<)

(Woah Woah, Fran’s outburst of confession may be abit too hard for me to handle >////<)

Omnibus turned to Cardia, telling her that she foresees her future to be a path full of endless suffering, but asked even if that was the case, would she wish the happiness of being a human to herself. Of course, Cardia wanted that, saying that she will be happy, as long as she was with Fran, and she believed that Fran would do what he had promised. 

(I just love this part where Cardia tell the old lady off~ No one can decide on one’s future other than themselves! Sounds like Impey fell in love with Cardia all over again ^^;)

In the end, Omnibus decided to give up and gave Fran and Cardia a chance in paving for the future they wanted for, telling them that they shall put their current plan on hold and see how things will turn out. Cardia was glad that Idea had decided to give them a chance and believing in them.

(After pretty much being cold to Cardia the entire story, the old lady finally called her by her name and even smiled... Whew!)

As Idea left, the sun shined and it was another brand new day. Seems like they were saved (for now), and now Cardia and Fran can be together forever~ ^////^ The rest of the group pounced onto them, hugging and congratulating them. (Awww~) Cardia was thankful for the group showing up since, without them, the results of Fran’s proposal might end up differently. 

(I love the scenery of the morning sun, especially with Fran’s close up face in it~ ^//////^)

After some sweet talk between the couple, they kissed in front of their friends, with Van automatically covering Dora-chan’s eyes so he didn’t get to see them. (I guess this was still too early for Dora-chan XD) (And poor Impey feeling his jealousy fuming when he saw Fran kissing Cardia XD)

A week later, things were back to normal, with the rest of the group soon left to fulfil their life goals, and Cardia doing her housework at home with Sisi, waiting for Fran to return every day. 

Fran had reported to Queen Victoria about Idea as promised, and she was relieved to see both of them were safe and sound after the confrontation. Fran requested for an assistant to help him with the lab work since now he had yet another task (analyzing the Horologium) other than his daily duties as an alchemist. The Queen smiled and agreed, asking for the “new” assistant to make an appearance, and that person was none other than Cardia~! That really surprised Fran as Victoria explained that it was actually Cardia who had suggested it since she wanted to be of use to Fran, and... since Fran’s research would revolve around the Horologium now, she felt she should be around, though the real reason was because she wanted to be close to Fran too XD Fran thanked them while Victoria replied that she’s glad that her subjects had found happiness. Cardia wanted Victoria to find her own happiness as well, and her words took Victoria by surprise that she guessed that she shall search for her own happiness when things were more settled.

(I feel that Victoria was hinting something at Leonhardt here, but too bad the guy didn’t get it =w=“)

Fran and Cardia left the palace together after that, with Fran still feeling surprised as he had never dreamt that they would be able to work together, with Cardia being his assistant. Cardia felt that she still lacks in knowledge, but she was determined to study more to help Fran as much as possible, and Fran smiled as he told her that she will be a great assistant.

With Fran leading the way, they ended up in front of a church. (It’s a beautiful church~) Fran told Cardia that he had something he wanted to tell her today, and taught her that a church is a place for taking vows of love. He wanted to swear an oath of love to her and vowed that they shall live their lives as a couple and find happiness together. 

(I love Fran’s words here, regardless of what had happened in the past, we should always try to accept it and move on...)

(Cardia’s smile here is so adorable, I’m so glad that she found her own happiness here finally in the end ~ T/////T)

In the end, they exchanged vows as a couple and kisses at the church, with Fran promising Cardia that he shall love her with his all, forever and ever. The end~

Final Thoughts / Ramblings:

I’m so happy and touched to finish this route on the fan disc, so glad that everything turns out to be alright in the end T////T A part of me still wanted some more lovey-dovey moments though since most of the route was like bitter and sad moments D: I love Fran even more after this, he’s not a strong character, but he really works hard and tried his very best to give Cardia happiness the most he can. Most of the time I’m already touched by Fran’s feelings and motivation, rather than what he had actually done, guess it’s the thoughts that count? Fran is seriously like an angel, how can a guy be so kind seriously~ T/////T

PS: Felt that Saint was such a great pal to be, seriously without him, there may not be a happy ending for Fran and Cardia, so thank you so much, Saint~