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oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat · 1 year

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Green is The Shadow Colour of Red

Here's some Creativitwins while I figure out rewriting that Intruality oneshot that decided to f*ck off. Love me some twins content. Hurt/Comfort because I love writing it.

Let me know if y'all want a part two or something.

Pairing: Creativitwins (platonic, only ever platonic) Trigger/Content Warning: intrusive thoughts (mainly of claustrophobia, autophobia, and being silenced), nightmare/night terror (?) (descriptive), getting silenced & claustrophobia & autophobia, Nightmare-Janus is a big ol' b*tch, panic attack (descriptive), vomit

Description: Remus has terrible nightmares. Roman hates how he finds out.

[Masterlist] | ao3 link

[Read below the cut]

As per usual, the twins had been bickering and provoking each other. All day. The usual brother rivalry they had going on.

And as per usual, Remus' stupid brain made it ten times worse than it really was.

He fell asleep sometime before he usually did- what was it, 9pm? 10:30? Normally, he slept closer to midnight. He'd always liked getting to stare at the poorly scribbled constellations on his ceiling, drawn with different coloured markers. It added colour to Remus' otherwise dreary room. All the dark Sides, former or otherwise, had dim or gloomy-looking rooms. Just came with being dark, it seemed.

Either way, Remus falling asleep so soon should've been the first sign that something was wrong.

But none of the light Sides would notice; they were never there. Roman didn't visit as often anymore, or hardly at all. Virgil left- no way would he ever risk bumping into Janus. Patton was afraid of him; it simply never crossed Logan's mind. Janus had been particularly busy as of recent. And Orange... well, Orange was Orange. Remus wasn't exactly sure what that little arsonist even did. He didn't have any plans to find out.

No, no one would notice.

No one would care. Janus is probably already tired of you by now.

Another sign something was amiss: his own intrusive thoughts seeped into his slumber, his dreams.

His nightmare.

A third sign: him having a goddamn, f*cking nightmare.

Things always started out small. A few icky thoughts. A weird noise. A seemingly normal, Remus-type day. But-

Janus appeared in front of him, gloves unseen and hands bare. One hand was scaly, the same side as his face-scales. Like real Janus. But this wasn't real, right?

But it is, is all Remus can think as Janus walked towards him. This is real. Why does he look so... annoyed?

He's going to throw you out. Leave you. Just like Virgil.

Remus opened his mouth to speak, only for it to clamp shut. A hand frozen and stuck, silencing him. Hindering any attempts at all. Remus looked at Janus in confusion, but then the confusion got shot away when he saw his face. The expression he wore. Remus knew Janus a lot better than he'd ever admit to. He knew his facials and what certain looks meant. And he knew the look of annoyance very well.

But Janus looked worse than that. Fiercer, more closed-off, cold. Much more determined. In such a way it sent a small jolt of fear down Remus' spine. Anger. Pure, vengeful anger.

Red. Red didn't suit Janus. But his eyes gleamed red, and maybe a few glints of orange.

Anger.

Janus backed Remus in a corner, and the darker twin felt another jolt of fear course through him. He was defenseless, silenced and trapped. He hated being trapped. He hated this, Janus knew he hated this.

"Oh, is poor little Remus scared?" Janus taunted.

Real. Afraid. Pain, pain, pain.

You deserve this. You'll always deserve this.

Remus wanted to tell him to back up. He needed space. He hated being cornered, hated being trapped in like a lab rat. He needed to be loud.

Let me speak, let me speak.

"You earned this, Remus. Don't you remember? Or are you truly just too stupid to possess anything worth a braincell?"

The sneer in Janus' voice burned. It hurt his chest. A twist in his gut. He didn't even realize he began heaving. His lungs hurt.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. This is why no one listens to you. You're so stupid.

"Aw, can't speak, darling? Such a shame."

Yes, just let me speak. I need space. Please, I need space. I'm sorry, just let me speak.

"Hm, very well, then. I suppose you'll have to think about your actions."

Before Remus could even blink, he was suddenly in a box. A cardboard, shrinking box. His hand no longer clasped over his mouth. No, instead he was gagged, and not in a fun way. The box slowly shrunk with him inside. Janus was gone, or at least he thought so. There were no footsteps or taunting voices. No sneers. No haunting anger. No more red where red didn't belong.

Oh, but that was much, much worse.

He was alone. All alone, and no one was there to save him.

The box still shrunk towards him, the space getting smaller. He pounded on the walls of the box to no avail. He tried screaming, but it remained quiet and muffled behind the gag. He was trapped and alone, and silenced. He screamed again, and again. And again, again, again. He cried, pathetically sobbed. But no one came. No one ever came for him.

You deserve to be here, alone. Trapped. Silenced. You deserve to be retrained like this.

He cried harder. He screamed. He pounded on the closing-in box walls. He was stuck. Helpless. His lungs burned, and his skin itched. He just wanted out.

Your brother would laugh. He never loved you, did he?

He couldn't breathe. Remus' whole body shook so violently, like he was his own earthquake. He wobbled where he stood, leaning against the walls. He felt so dizzy. He needed to scream louder, to be out, to be with someone. Anyone. No matter how much they hated him, he just needed to be near another Side. Maybe even Thomas. Or Remy. Emile.

He'd settle for literally anyone.

"Remus!" a familiar voice shouted, but it came from nowhere.

He was alone, he was trapped-

He screamed again. Banged on the walls again. He needed out.

"Remus- up!"

Out, out, out, out, out-

"Wake up!"

Remus shot up in his bed, tears streaming down his face. He breathed heavily. Everything was blurry, and he still shook. A weight on the bed. Someone was there. Red. He saw red when he looked at the person.

Red means anger. They're going to hurt you.

He yelped and nearly fell off his mattress. The person immediately went to his side, though he curled up in a ball. He shut his eyes tightly.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Please, don't put me in the box again. I'll do anything. Please.

He didn't realize he was even mumbling. The red- the person spoke softly.

"Hey, it's okay. You're safe, brother. You're okay."

Brother... Red. Red brother. Twin. Safe?

"Yes Rem, it's me. It's Roman, you're safe now. I promise I won't hurt you."

Roman. Roman is safe.

...right?

"I promise I'm safe. You're safe and okay, brother. C'mon, open your eyes. See it's me."

Remus slowly obeyed, breath hitching when he saw blurry red again. And gold. And white. A prince-looking sweater. Gold crown pajama pants. Brown hair, messy. Hazel eyes, same face-

It's Roman. Not alone. Not alone.

"That's right, I'm here. I need you to breathe with me, alright? In for four, like we've been taught. Four, seven, eight."

Roman, kneeled next to his panicking brother, helped him through a breathing exercise. He held his hands, rubbing soothing circles on his knuckles. He kept him grounded. Squeezed his hands when Remus seemed to drift off again. Remus slowly got his breathing to a much calmer rhythm. He was a bit less shaky. He still felt dizzy, though.

He glanced at Roman, who now thumbed away any remaining tears. One hand on his face, the other still holding Remus'.

"Yeah, there you go. Let's get up back on the bed, okay?"

All Remus could do was nod. Roman let go of him, and he immediately made a panicked noise. He grabbed his brother's hands, not wanting him to leave.

I can't be alone. Please, don't leave me. I don't want to be alone.

Roman picked up on it rather quickly.

"Hey, it's okay. I'm staying, I'm not leaving. I just need to pick you up, okay? Just for a moment."

Remus gave him the most vulnerable, terrified look Roman had ever seen from him. And honestly? It scared him to see his twin like that.

"I promise. I'm not going anywhere, gremlin."

That seemed to ease Remus for now, but he still kept a watchful eye on his brother. Roman hooked an arm under his twin's legs and hoisted him up, holding him tightly so he didn't drop him. Remus' breath hitched when he was suddenly in the air and not on the ground. Such a fast movement made his head spin. His gut urked. He really hoped the nausea didn't act on itself.

Roman set him down on the bed, and immediately he was pulled down to join him. Remus clung to him as if he was his lifeline. He felt nauseous, and dizzy, and- oh.

Oh, sh*t.

Roman quickly summoned a wastebasket once he saw Remus' paler-than-normal face and heard him gag. Remus threw up a lot of things into the basket. Mostly liquids and whatever the f*ck he ate earlier that day. When nothing more but bile sat in his throat, Roman summoned the basket away. Remus felt like his throat was on fire, and it stung. Tears pricked his eyes, but he was too exhausted by then to cry anymore.

Roman rubbed his back as Remus wiped away any remaining ickiness from his mouth. He still felt so dizzy. In fact, he wobbled even while leaning on Roman. His brother side-hugged him with one arm, pulling him in close. Keeping a tight grip, as if it would steady his twin. It was, at least, a firm reminder that someone was there. That Remus wasn't handling it alone this time.

Not like most times before.

Roman wordlessly summoned a water bottle, knowing dehydration was already seeded in place. Maybe that's why he was still dizzy? Maybe water would help.

"Hey, Rem. You need some water."

Remus almost didn't catch his words, but the water bottle being handed to him made the words obvious. He stayed silent, trying to open the cap himself. Unfortunately, he hands twitched and felt weak from the aftermath of his panic attack. He let out a frustrated huff.

"It's okay, I got you."

Roman opened the water bottle for him, and Remus nearly chugged it. Roman lightly chided him and made a point of needing to slow down. The bottle ended up half-gone, and Roman set it on Remus' bedside table. His brother clung to him so tightly. He still seemed tense.

Roman carded a gentle hand through Remus' unruly hair, and he just melted at the affection. He felt a wave of comfort and calm wash over him.

I'm safe. Roman is here, and I'm safe.

However calm he felt, Remus refused to fall asleep again. He knew another nightmare awaited him, and he certainly couldn't take another one. At least, not until the next night, anyway. Or maybe the next two nights. Or three. He was debating on staying awake for more than 24 hours again, but look at where that got him.

Don't sleep, they'll come for you again.

Remus suddenly hid his face in Roman's chest, hearing his heartbeat. As if his brother was a shield from all his thoughts. As if his heartbeat could drown every sound his head made. Or make sound where sound was absent.

He didn't like how quiet it was.

"Talk," Remus' voice was raspy and quiet.

"...what?"

Remus felt no need to muster any more words. So instead, he just whined.

"Okay, what about?"

His brother shrugged.

"Alright, then. I would like to know what the f*ck just happened."

Remus hesitated before trying to speak.

"Night- nightmare."

"You got... wait, what? A nightmare? Remus, nightmares don't do that to people."

Remus shrugged.

"Always get them. Not... not that bad."

He spoke so soft and raspy, and sounded so vulnerable. It made Roman's own gut twist uncomfortably. His brother was going through this most nights? Every night? How often did this even happen? And what did he mean, 'not that bad'? Roman felt scared for his twin, and couldn't begin to imagine how it felt for Remus.

"Rem, no- always? Remus, you had a panic attack. And you- you threw up. That's not a normal nightmare. That's... Rem, you kept screaming."

Another shrug. Roman still carded a hand through his brother's hair. He was tempted to hold him tighter, but he didn't want to risk him throwing up again.

He still wobbled, even if it were the littlest bit. Roman was worried. Why is he still dizzy? He had water. Why was Remus still so dizzy? Is he just shaken up? With a nightmare like that, he wouldn't be surprised.

"Remus, do you know what a night terror is?"

That got the darker twin suddenly sitting up, no longer hiding himself in his brother's hold.

"Not that bad. Just... yes, but-"

"Rem..."

Remus shrunk in on himself at Roman's tone. He sounded distressed. But why would he?

It's not like he's ever there, anyway. Why would he care? Why would he worry?

"Hey, I'm sorry. It's okay."

Roman pulled him back into a hug, using both his arms to wrap around his brother. Remus rested his chin on Roman's shoulder. The hand that once carded through his hair now rubbed his back. On his shoulder blades. Soothing circles. Calm, soothing circles.

Remus melted into his brother's touch.

"...do you know what caused it?"

Remus nodded slightly, though unsure how it would sound. The reason was dumb. The reason was always dumb.

"Is it okay if you share? You don't have to, of course."

Remus exhaled his nerves and let himself speak.

"Bad day. Lots of... conflict."

Roman immediately looked down at him in guilty surprise.

Oh no, I f*cked up. He's going to laugh-

"Did us arguing give you a nightmare?"

Roman's voice cracked mid-sentence.

Remus refused to look at him.

"...kind of. Not- not just you."

Roman had a feeling where this was going. And he really hated it. He hoped he was wrong.

"Remus, what else was it?"

"Thoughts..."

Roman never felt so upset to be right. He knew his brother had his own bad thoughts on some level. But he didn't think... how bad were they to cause a nightmare? Or, if he dared to say, a night terror? Did Remus filter himself? Roman thought he didn't have impulse control. Maybe he was wrong.

What a very sucky thing to be wrong about.

"Oh, brother... little gremlin, I'm so sorry."

Remus simply snuggled into Roman, not wanting to answer any more questions. He didn't quite understand why his brother was sorry. How could he be apologizing? It's not his fault Remus' thoughts went wack with every conflict or argument. It was just a norm Remus grew into. Just another part of being the embodiment of Thomas' Instrusive Thoughts. It was normal. He was fine.

Okay, he was clearly not fine, but that's what he told himself. Janus once said lying like that was just him coping. Janus was never wrong.

"Do you want to go back to sleep?"

Remus immediately shook his head vigorously.

"Okay, okay. Noted. Just... does anyone ever help you out?"

Remus hummed, a quiet yes.

"Good, that's good. I'm guessing Ja- uh, someone who also lives down here?"

Remus briefly gave him a weird look, but he brushed it off as him being exhausted from his nightmare. Roman was weird, anyway. He nodded.

"Then why in the f*ck isn't he here?"

Roman had an angry edge to his voice, a protective anger over his very hurt brother.

Remus froze at the slightly angry tone, and Roman sighed. He didn't mean to scare him.

"What I mean is he should be here helping you. Not angry at you. Just wanna know why he isn't here."

Remus relaxed a little at that. He shrugged, tracing four letters on Roman's arm.

B-U-S-Y

Roman understood.

"Busy? How on earth could he be busy when you're hurting like this?"

Another shrug. He seemed to do that a lot.

He'll feel so guilty if he found out I had a nightmare again, he wanted to say. He'll hate how he wasn't there.

But Remus was far too tired to speak anymore. So, he settled on staying quiet. As long as there was some other noise, he'd be fine. As long as Roman kept talking.

"I still don't understand how he could- whatever, I'll beat his ass later," Roman huffed.

Remus snorted at the mention of ass, causing his brother to smile. Laughter is good. It means he's starting to feel better.

It was silent for almost three minutes before Roman spoke again.

"Ya know how I found you like that? Remy got me."

Remus hummed.

Remy? The Sleep f*cker? Why would... oh, sh*t my ass and call me a poop log.

Remy saw. That b*tch saw it all. Remus paled and almost thought he'd throw up again.

Roman seemed to notice because he summoned another wastebasket, prepared to tip it towards Remus in case he got sick. Remus lightly shook his head no, he wasn't going to vomit. Roman kept the wastebasket nearby, though. Just in case.

Roman hugged his brother tighter, planting a light kiss on his disheveled mop of hair. Remus melted at the affection given. God, Roman was being soft and protective. It almost made Remus want to cry again. He probably would've.

But as mentioned before, he was just too exhausted. His body ached and his eyes felt heavy. Like two little anvils that squished baby birds with a loud crack. It would make a loud crack if it happened, at least.

Remus calmed down again as Roman continued explaining, remaining cautious of his next words.

"He was very worried. He kept, like... he talked real fast. All I got was you were hurt and alone, so I ran my way here."

Remy was worried?

Did I hear that right?

"A lot of people care about you, ya know. I- well, I don't show it very well and I'm sorry for that, Rem. I love you, okay? Please, just... come to me if no one else is there."

A pause. Hesitation.

"I promise to be better, okay?"

Remus nodded, half-believing his brother's words. He spelled out an I-L-Y-2 on Roman's arm. Luckily, with enough time around Patton, his twin understood.

"Do you still need me to talk?"

Remus nodded.

And Roman kept talking. He rambled on about ideas and adventures he went on in the Imagination alone, and Remus gave him a couple glares of don't die, idiot as he went on. By morning, Roman was very much wanting to sleep, and Remus had forgotten about his nightmare.

Janus did catch the sight of the twins in each other's arms, one rambling to the other. He didn't press further and simply left the room, unnoticed. Though guilt shocked his veins, he knew it wasn't the time to ask. As long as Remus was taken care of, it was okay. Remus would always be the one person he'd put before himself. At least, in reference to the other Sides.

And Roman nearly beat his ass when he saw him, later that morning. Janus' guilt was obvious and almost infectious. So, he let it go for now. He wouldn't be so merciful if there was ever a next time, though.

He made a note to argue less with his twin. And maybe check on him a lot more, especially during the night. Especially when he got quiet. It scared him when he got quiet.

He still couldn't get Remus' screams out of his head.

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