#just a few things I’ve experienced myself or heard about over the last year or so that did not need to be like that

[painroulette]

Maybe this is a hot take, but as someone who literally went to a film school for a masters degree and is an avid video game fan, I feel like there’s just too much media out there that uses things like flash warnings to cover their ass for effects they like, don’t even need?

Like, every music video does not need strobe lighting. Games with blinding effects don’t need that effect to be bright fucking white. I’m sick of living in a world where giving a warning is enough to lock an entire group of people of enjoying art and stories for the fucking aesthetic. There are other ways to make things visually interesting I swear.

[throneofsapphics]

have your little girlfriend, part four

Rowaelin x f!Reader 

Summary: At first she thought everyone was so nice but the nasty things came quickly. Whispers when they thought she couldn’t hear, why a lowly common girl would be paired with such powerful people, even if she’d ensnared them somehow. If anything, they had ensnared her.

Warnings: dark-ish aelin/rowan, light d/s, blood, death (not shown), injury, bit of smut, drinking, minors dni!

Word Count: ~5.1k 

A/N: I intended for this to be the last part but I mentally can’t control myself 

series masterlist

She’d been close to giving in to their request, for her to move into the castle with them. And stay permanently. They promised she’d have her own space, and wouldn’t have to give up any of her work or other parts of her life. 

But, something happened to force her hand. 

Someone she never thought she’d see again showed up on her doorstep, after five gods-damned years. The one real heart-break she thought she experienced. They had met during the time she spent with the Wolf Tribe, waiting for their summons to battle. Maybe because she was young, she fell hard. And deep. 

But, after the battle was over, and she’d finally startled to settle into her new life, he told her he was done. 

“Why? Can you please give me a reason?” She nearly begged. Anything except, ‘I'm done.’ 

“I don’t feel enough for you.” The words were cold, and harsh, and something snapped inside her. 

“Get out.” She didn’t wait for an answer before shoving him out the door, slamming it behind him and locking every single one. She heard a few knocks, a few pounds, and knew what he wanted - some kind of break-up sex, a goodbye of sorts, but he wouldn’t be getting anything out of her. She could scent another female all over him. 

“I made the biggest mistake, leaving you.” He looked desperate. 

“It’s been three years.” She said through gritted teeth. 

“And I’ve been thinking about you still, ever since. Doesn’t that mean something?” 

“No.” Her voice was cold, but something akin to anger flashed through his eyes, and he shoved against the door, enough that she stumbled back in surprise, and he pushed his way inside. 

“Get out.” She demanded, and cursed herself for not having a dagger on her. Mentally she tried to figure out where the nearest one would be … behind her - on that counter. She slowly stepped back, watching as he pushed forward. Her door was still open, good. 

“Let me explain.” He matched each of her steps, moving slightly closer each time. She pressed back against the counter, hands seeming to clutch the wood - but one fist clenched against the small, recently sharpened - thanks to Rowan, knife. 

“I’m giving you one more chance to get the hell out.” She warned him. 

“Not until you listen to me, hear me out.” He grabbed her shoulder, hand digging in tight enough it would bruise, and she swung, cutting sideways across his bicep. 

“You bitch,” He snarled, and she twisted her hand to strike again, but a large gust of wind blasted him away from her, her hair flowing back slightly. 

Aelin and Rowan were by the door. One second later Aelin was above him, knife pressed sharply against his neck, saying something she couldn’t hear, and Rowan was before her, blocking her view, his eyes taking in every inch of her body. She winced as she shifted her shoulder, and saw his eyes darken. 

His magic healed the sore spot before she could say another word. 

“You’re carrion.” Aelin snarled, and y/n angled her head to try and see, but two fingers pressed against her cheek to guide her gaze back to Rowan. 

“Are you okay?” She nodded, keeping her eyes on him, but wondered if a male would be murdered in her living room today. Maybe she could convince them not to, to just let him go.

“What happened?” his voice was low enough only she could hear. “Who is he?” 

“An … he’s an old boyfriend. He wanted to talk.” 

-

Rowan snarled softly, his head turning to look at the male, his eyes meeting Aelin’s. 

He tried to get her back. To take her away. He hurt her. 

The look in Aelin’s eyes told him the male wouldn’t live the night. 

“He didn’t mean to -” 

“Don’t.” Rowan cut her off. Y/n would try and argue, try to get them to just leave him and let him go. They didn’t have to tell her exactly what would happen. But … he hurt her, and tried to take her away from them. Every primal instinct in him was flaring. “You’re moving in with us.” He told her. She’d stay where he could keep her safe, keep her away from anyone that might harm her. 

Her throat swallowed, but she nodded. 

“We’ll come back for your things later.” 

Are you taking her back, or am I? He asked Aelin. 

I’ll take her. She answered after a moment, standing up. Good, his wind could drown out any screams. The male seemed to sag with relief, until he caught sight of Rowan approaching, every step lethal. 

-

She was close to saying yes, to moving in of her own will, but now it felt a bit like she was forced to. She reasoned with herself, saying it would have happened soon enough anyways. 

“You did well.” Rowan said later that night, he came back after a few hours. He must’ve cleaned himself somewhere, because only a faint hint of copper remained. 

Y/n hugged her arms tightly around her chest. “With what?” 

“Defending yourself.” He answered, but there was a tension in him, a tension through his whole body. 

“I wasn’t in any real danger.” 

He looked at her incredulously. “Someone forced their way into your home, and you ended up cutting them.” 

She’s almost completely confident she would’ve been fine. He crossed the room, and gently grabbed her hands. “You’re safer here.” 

“I was safe enough in my own home.” She snapped, looking away from him. He curled his fingers around her chin, forcing her to look at him. Y/n expected some kind of remark, something that would undercut her, but his eyes only fixed on hers, on her face, before drifting to her shoulder and back up. 

“He hurt you.” There was so much rage in those three words. “I wasn’t there to protect you.” Her face softened slightly. 

“It’s not your fault.” She emphasized, but it didn’t seem to get through to him. “Rowan.” Her fingers brushed against his cheek, and his hand slid down to rest on the side of her neck. “I’m fine, you came. You came for me.” 

She didn’t think those words exactly fit the scenario, but could tell he needed to hear them, or something along the lines of that. Her finger brushed back and forth against his cheek, until some of the tension seemed to leave his body. 

“I won’t fail you,” he murmured, wrapping her up in his arms. “Not again.” 

“You never failed me.” 

-

A male was murdered in her living room. Rowan and Aelin didn’t say anything about it, but she knew. By the time she got back to gather her things, no scent of blood or copper remained. No trace of him, or what happened yesterday. But there was some kind of stain in the house. She couldn’t live here again, not knowing that happened. 

Both of them hovered as she packed everything up. There wasn’t much to take beyond her clothes and books. The rest of her work things - she decided she could at least work from here, until she could find a different place. Perhaps sell the townhouse and set up some kind of shop or get a small apartment and modify it. Or even expand beyond the markets and have her own little store. 

-

Aelin seemed to be bouncing on her feet when they got back, insisting they had something to show her. 

“We promised you a private space.” She led her down a few halls, to a more secluded portion of the castle, and on ground level. 

A large room, with a door leading out to a garden, and … a workshop, just for her. She turned around in awe, examining the space. Shelves for her books, a full kitchen area to make chocolates, and it looked so much like her own space - almost modeled after it. “You had this made,” she said softly, turning to face her. 

“Yes,” Aelin had a wide grin on her face, and y/n strode across the room to hug her and thank her. 

-

It took another week for her to realize how long they’d been planning this. It must’ve taken some time to re-do the space, and to have it done before she even decided to move in with them. That had never been a permanent thing, something set in stone that would happen. But to them, it was. A tiny bit of doubt crept into her, but she shoved it down, deep deep down where it wouldn’t emerge again. They’d transformed an entire set of rooms just for her. So she would feel more comfortable, feel at home. She let gratitude fill her instead.

Rowan grew to love y/n, it was natural. But - as an immortal, there’s some things he never forgets. Couldn’t forget, and hurting Aelin - in any form - was one of them. When Aelin took her first trip away from both of them, he took his chance. 

- 

“This is for making Aelin cry,” Rowan tugged her over his lap, her bare body brushing against his, feeling the rough fabric of his pants scrape against her. The female in question was gone on a diplomatic trip. Visiting Perranth, she thought, but couldn’t be too certain. Rowan and Aelin mostly kept her separated from court business. Y/n, however, was confused. Had Rowan waited specifically for when she’d be gone? 

“I didn’t, I never -” 

A swat landed against her ass. Instantly reddening it, and she squealed, her body squirming to try and move away, but he held her down with one arm. He rubbed the sore area, soothing it gently before striking again - this time hitting the other cheek. 

Pain lanced through her as she whimpered, but stopped struggling. 

“I wouldn’t make her cry, I swear.” She whined. But - arousal started slipping through her, something tightened in her stomach. Why would that happen?  

“She came back, after you told her you were going to leave, and cried.” He said roughly, before laying a harsh series of smacks against her ass, ignoring the way she whimpered, the tears dripping from her eyes, but y/n didn’t tell him to stop. If she’d made Aelin cry … Gods she hated herself for that. Felt like she deserved it now. But … her core started to throb, that confused her. 

“Months,” she whispered, her voice hoarse, “that was months ago.” 

“I don’t forget.” Immortal. They were all immortal. Six months is nothing to them. It was six months ago. 

The hits grew more intense with each one, starting to spread through her entire body. The last one jolted her forward, rocking her against his knees. 

“You liked that, didn’t you?” His voice was mocking, teasing, and made a few more tears stream down her face. He pulled her up, moving her to straddle his lap, and pulled her tight against his chest, his arms wrapping around her. She stayed stiff, the fabric against her ass stinging. 

“I don’t like making her cry,” y/n mumbled into his chest. 

“I know.” It sounded like a warning. It was a warning, not to do that again. Not to hurt Aelin. She’d never would - couldn’t, not intentionally. “But you liked when I spanked you, didn’t you?” Words wouldn’t come to her - she couldn’t speak, didn’t know what to say, but he dragged two fingers through her core, her slick arousal gathering on them. 

“If I ask you a question, answer me.” 

“My - my body liked it.” 

“A little painslut,” he crooned, lips grazing just above her ear. “You took that so well.” 

The praise made her body shiver. Both him and Aelin had already figured that out about her. Just how much she liked it - being praised. 

-

Aelin returned without much fanfare, and made her way right to where she knew y/n would be at this time of day. Rowan, she knew, was likely stuck in a meeting - but would find them directly after. 

Sure enough, she found her fiddling with something. As soon as the doors opened, y/n dropped the tools and smiled, bounding across the room to wrap her in a hug. Aelin breathed in her scent, nutmeg and honey, and squeezed back before pressing a kiss against her forehead. “Have fun without me?” 

“Without you?” Her head tilted, “never.” 

But, something seemed off. She was hesitant - had something she needed to say. Aelin started to worry, she still had a fear that y/n would wake up one day and decide to leave. Not that she’d let her, not easily, but the fear still lived in some small, dark place deep inside her. 

“I’m sorry, for making you cry.” 

Aelin frowned. Y/n hadn’t … that day, when she said she was done. Rowan, he probably remembered it and took the first chance he had to - well she isn’t sure what he would do. 

“You’re forgiven,” she pulled her into her chest, stroking one hand through her hair. “More than forgiven.”

-

“We never see you any more,” her friend groaned, leaning back in her seat. It was a rare night when she could make her way out of the castle. They didn’t exactly keep her from her friends, but between her business and their close proximity, they took up most of her time. Despite everything, the bond was still new - they’d just fully accepted each other as mates a month or so ago. Well, she’d fully accepted them. 

“I’ll make more time.” She promised and accepted a glass of wine with a smile. 

One turned to two, to three, to four, and after that she lost count. She was hiccuping and smiling, sharing old stories and listening to her friends extravagant details about her love life. 

“Y/n,” she said in a sing-song voice. “Spill.” 

“I already spilled,” she frowned, looking down at the small red stain on her shirt. That would be a pain to get out, but it was a problem for tomorrow. 

“No,” she moaned, “your love life.” 

“Oh,” she squeezed her glass a little tighter. “It’s … fulfilling.” 

“Details,” she wiggled her brows, the liquid sloshing in the glass. 

“Maybe another time,” she grinned. Not. The details of her love life were private and she didn’t need her friend knowing how the Queen of Terrasen likes to tease her to unbearable levels, trailing her fingers dangerously high on her thigh during public dinners or how the King throws her over his lap and turns her ass red enough she feels it the next day.  

A polite knock sounded on the door, and her friend shot up, spilling her glass as she set it down on the table before darting to the door. Y/n scented the pine and snow before the door opened, and her temper flared. What the hell was he doing here? 

-

“I don’t need you to fetch me,” she snarled at him as he nearly dragged her out to the street. He rolled his eyes, scooping her up with one arm around her back, one under her legs, and ignoring her protests and grumbles of complaints. 

He deposited her on the couch, and she crossed her arms. Eyes glazed over, an alcohol flush covering her cheeks and chest - how much did she drink? Considering the stink of wine and spots on her shirt, more than she could handle. 

“You’re a bastard,” she hissed - spitting like a cat. And a mad one. 

“You were incapable of getting yourself home.” He dismissed her argument, turning his back. He felt the shift in the air, heard the whizz of something flying, and ducked in time to avoid a pillow launched at his head. 

“How dare you?” She nearly screeched, and he winced slightly. Aelin was away on one of her queenly duties, leaving him stuck with their pissed off mate. Who likes to throw things when she’s particularly upset. Maybe it’s a good thing Aelin isn’t here - when it comes to tempers, although it takes y/n a lot longer to reach hers, Aelin tends to match her energy. She rose to her feet, swaying slightly and clutching the arm of the couch to keep her balance. 

“Sit. Down.” A muscle in his jaw clenched. 

“Incapable? I’m not some gods-damned child who needs minding. I’m a fully grown female, fully capable of handling myself.” 

“Obviously not.” He hissed at her, and realized his mistake as tears pricked in the corner of her eyes. 

“Y/n,” he called, his voice softer than before as he forced himself to relax and held his hands up in a show of piece. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” She announced, and flopped herself back down, tucking a pillow under her head and turning to face the back of the couch. 

Rowan pinched the bridge of his nose. He could, and would clean this up. 

“I’ll take the couch.” He stalked over to her side, pulling her up by her arm and ignoring her protests. She was unsteady on her feet, enough that he visibly could see her swallow her pride and lean on him for support. That satisfied the part of him feeling the need to be useful, to serve in some way. As soon as he safely saw her to bed, making sure she kicked her shoes off and turned on her side, he left. One hand braced on the door, he turned to find her dozing into sleep, mouth parted - a few tears dripping down her cheeks, the flush from earlier still present. 

Space, he needed to give her some space. Not invade her privacy, just let her cool down some. His eyes shuttered closed and he gave himself a few moments to breathe before doing his best to make himself comfortable on the couch. That didn’t stop him from checking on her every hour.

-

“I’m sorry.” Rowan said over breakfast the next morning. She lowered her mug, her lips had just pressed against the porcelain, about to take a sip, but now she wondered if she was hallucinating. 

“Really?” It stung something inside of her that she doubted. Doubted his apology, or if he actually meant it. 

“Yes.” A muscle in his jaw flexed, but she couldn’t scent a lie on him. “You are capable, and it was wrong of me to say otherwise.” How long had he rehearsed this? Maybe had all night to think of it on the couch - too short to comfortably fit his body. 

“I’m glad you see reason.” He wouldn’t get a thank you out of her, not for something he should’ve already known - or for taking back hurtful words. It wasn’t some magnanimous gesture, and y/n refused to give him the expectation it was otherwise. Something else gleamed in his eyes, an emotion it took her a minute to place. Respect. For holding her ground.

“Fair enough,” he shrugged, and jerked his chin towards her cup of tea. “Drink that before it gets cold. Aelin isn’t here to warm it.” 

She rolled her eyes this time, a small compromise - but better than him dragging her out of her friends house. 

The small cracks started to appear, but they were easily mended for now. 

-

“Did he behave himself?” Aelin asked as she returned, peppering her face with enough kisses her mate let out an adorable laugh. If Aelin could record that sound and bring it with her everywhere, she would.

“He admitted to his mistake.” Y/n’s mouth indented at one corner. She already had Rowan wrapped around her finger, in her own way, if she could cow him into that. 

Her eyes glinted and a mischievous grin crossed her face. “And, pray-tell, what was this mistake?” 

“Something already taken care of.” Rowan grunted. Aelin huffed a laugh and let it go for now, knowing she’d pry the details out of him later. 

-

Y/n sighed as she sorted through some of the paperwork associated with her work. Permits, deals with local shops, orders directly placed through her. With her relationship public knowledge, interest in her goods had taken off over the course of the last year. Of course, she loved the new business but it became overwhelming. Enough that she drew away from the market she loved so much, instead working with local shops and private orders to long time customers. Exclusively. She missed the Saturday mornings, socializing with the other vendors when she was still a nobody. Well, not quite a nobody but not a public figure, in a way. When nobody tried to buy her things to gain advantage with her - to try and get an ‘in’ with her mates. 

She pinched the bridge of her nose and slumped down on her desk, fighting the urge to bang her head against the wood, instead settling for a groan. Resentment, ugly, vicious, and unwarranted resentment had settled inside of her - aimed towards her mates when none of this was their fault. There was no one to speak of it with, no one to confide in, and she didn’t dare write it down where they could read it - or any spies who might get a bit too snoopy, a bit too eager to look for any cracks in the relationship they might exploit. She caught Aelin skimming through one of her journals once, and launched into the most explosive fight they’d had so far. 

The castle, too, suffocated her. Maids - who she took great pains to become friendly with, given how skittish and closed off they were at the beginning, used to slip into her workshop to clean things. It came from a good place - or a sense of duty, but she didn’t let most people into her space, into her own little sanctuary. Even Rowan and Aelin had learned to knock and wait for her to allow them inside. Only one person was allowed to enter without asking, mostly because she couldn’t manage to keep Fenrys out, no matter how much snarling she would do, or things she would toss his way. 

She’d asked them to stop, but it took Aelin saying something to get them to actually quit. At first she thought everyone was so nice but the nasty things came quickly. Whispers when they thought she couldn’t hear, why a lowly common girl would be paired with such powerful people, even if she’d ensnared them somehow. If anything, they had ensnared her. 

Another ugly thought. Maybe if she took a trip back to the Staghorns and breathed some clean, nearly untouched, mountain air. Visit the cousins she hasn’t seen frequently, ones who chose to stay with the Wolf Tribe after the battle. They always came to Orynth, and she rarely went there. Yulemas was coming up in around two months, and it would be a lengthy trip. They already sent word they couldn’t make it this year and guilt rattled at her that she never went there, always assuming they liked to visit here.

When was the last time she shifted? Or used magic beyond what she did for her work. On another thought, had she ever showed them her animal form? In three years … she can’t remember doing it, or remember then asking. 

Pine, snow, jasmine, and lemon verbena flooded her senses, followed by a knock on the door. “Come in,” she called. If she was going to plant the idea, now was the time to do it. 

“You look exhausted, my love,” Aelin frowned as she approached her, perching on the one empty corner of her desk. Rowan surveyed the room, finding all of her tools still out - the benches and desks a complete mess. 

“Can I clean for you?” He asked and she nodded. Aelin was still banned from ‘helping,’ and finally stopped pouting over it. 

Aelin flicked her nose when she gazed off again, drawing an indignant cross between a grumble and a yelp, and grabbed one of her hands instead, running her thumb back and forth over the top of it. 

“What’s on your mind?” 

“I haven’t visited home in a while.” 

Tension flooded the room as they both stiffened. Rowan kept working - quickly, much quicker than she could, putting everything back in it’s proper place, but the silence disturbed her enough she started squirming. 

“Are you thinking of visiting?” Aelin said tightly. 

“I am,” she said cautiously. Not thinking of it, planning it, but she’d take baby steps. Would they stop her if she really wanted to go? She didn’t know, and it unsettled her. 

“It’s a long journey.” 

“Not if I shift.” She sucked her lips inside while checking Aelin’s reaction. Shock quickly passed, followed by curiosity. 

“I never asked what it is.” Y/n nodded her head in confirmation. 

“It’s a fox.” Rowan said over his shoulder. 

“How does he know everything?” Aelin grumbled. “Show me.” 

“It’s been a while.” She ran her hand through her hair. 

“That’s fine.” 

Aelin wouldn’t let this go until she showed her. Grumbling, y/n stood and gave herself some space, focusing on drawing inside of herself, to her magic, and finding that small vulpine part - and finding it nearly pleading and begging to be let free. So she did, and with a flash of light her body morphed, senses becoming sharper. 

Aelin cooed at the little white fox before her, ignoring Rowan’s snort. 

She reached a hand out, and y/n snapped her teeth, letting out a chitter of amusement as Aelin withdrew her hand with a huff. “Feisty.” 

This felt nice, and right. She wanted to stay here, to live where everything was simpler. Where human emotions didn’t interfere, and she could just exist on one plane. 

-

Rowan cursed himself for not encouraging y/n to shift before. He knew what her form was, but hadn’t told her how necessary it was for Fae to let out the more animal side of them on occasion. He doubted she’d want to come out of it anytime soon, and was certain it would take lots of coaxing to get her to. 

He caught Aelin’s glance, his eyes saying “she won’t come out of it anytime soon.” 

Aelin frowned, watching their mate almost prance around the room, investigating everything through vulpine senses. 

“Why?” 

“She probably hasn’t shifted in a good while.” 

“So there’s going to be a fox in our bed?” 

Rowan grimaced. “Maybe.” 

It took Rowan 24 hours, and several promises he’d take her out to the mountains before y/n relented. 

-

“I heard you’re looking to visit home.” Fenrys said three days later, barging into her workroom, as he always did when he was bored and in town. 

“I’m trying.” She huffed, cutting the fabric with a bit more force than necessary. 

“I’m due to visit the Wolf Tribe soon.” He said mildly, his eyes fixed on her knife. 

“Did they send you?” She made another slice, holding the fabric firmly. 

“No.” He sounded vaguely offended and rounded the table to stand in front of her. “I thought you might enjoy my company.” A hint of amusement was in his voice, “considering you need a break from them.” 

“I never said -” 

“You didn’t have to.” She frowned at the interruption, and he sighed. 

“They’re overbearing, at the best of times, and already driving you to the brink of insanity. You need a break before that happens.” 

“A break from my mates?” Before she had a mental breakdown, went unsaid. 

“You forget I’ve been stuck with them for much longer princess.” 

“Don’t call me that.” She snipped at him. 

“Why not?” He pulled out a seat, leaning back in it so it was precariously balanced on its back two legs. If it falls - good on him. “It annoys you. It’s my job as an older brother to annoy the shit out of you.” 

“I’m not your sister.” She hissed. 

“Might as well be.” He shrugged his shoulders. The thought warmed her heart more than she cared to admit. 

“I’ve …” she hesitated. He motioned for her to continue. “I missed being a nobody.” 

“You were never a nobody,” Fenrys said sharply, his chair slamming back forward to rest firmly on the ground, his hands gripping the edge of the table. 

“That’s not what I meant,” she sighed, and abandoned the knife. “I mean not having constant eyes on me. Not being called a ‘lowly commoner.’” 

His head tilted, and she saw the dangerous look in his eyes. “Who?” 

Y/n didn’t need to question him further to know who he was asking about. She shook her head instead. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t remember.” 

“Liar.” He purred, leaning back in his seat again. She knew Aelin could be insistent, but if Fenrys set his mind on something - if he decided one of his friends, or in her case his adopted sister, had been wronged - nothing could stop him from tracking down and making sure vengeance was served where it was owed. 

“Let it go, please.” She pleaded, and his lips pressed into a tight line. Fenrys narrowed his eyes, and she spent a few moments in anticipatory silence before he spoke.

“If you make a bargain with me.” 

Her back straightened. Bargain - there’s a lot of power in that word, especially amongst Fae, and they didn't take it lightly. “The terms?” 

“I accompany you to the Staghorns whenever you visit.” That would keep Rowan and Aelin off her backs. 

“What do I get out of it?” She had a feeling it wouldn’t be much. 

“I don’t tell Rowan and Aelin, and I don’t rip the tongues out of whoever you’re trying to protect.” 

She crossed her arms and leaned back. “That’s nowhere near fair.” 

“I could go tell them right now.” He said with an edged chuckle. 

“Fine.” If only to keep them from overreacting. 

“Shake on it.” He extended his hand, and she took it - reluctantly. Y/n would keep her promise, and knew he would keep hers. 

“You need to listen to the wording more carefully,” he sighed. “I’m almost disappointed.”

She thought over what he said, again, and her jaw dropped. Whenever. Not when, but any time she visits. “You conniving little bastard.” 

“I’m an emissary anyways, I like to visit there.” She gave him a soft smile in understanding. To visit, maybe even to be around the wolves - fresh mountain air far from the confines of a capital city. 

“Looks like we’ll have to make some more trips.” 

“You deserve to,” his throat bobbed, “spend time with family.” 

She kicked his shin lightly. “You’re my brother, aren’t you?” The grin on his face and lightness in his eyes made her think it wasn’t too bad of a deal. 

[farfromstrange]

Lizzi’s Valentine’s Special & Follower Celebration

Dear Everyone,

Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, and I thought, since this silly little blog hit over 1.1k followers yesterday, I want to give you something special.

First of all, though, I want to thank you. I’ve been on here since (and I checked with the archive) July 19, 2022. I can't believe that it has been almost two years. I started watching Daredevil after watching Spider-Man: No Way Home in December of 2021 and hearing Matt Murdock say, "I'm a really good lawyer," after catching a brick. So, I started watching the show, and that was during a time I was really miserable. Mentally and physically, I wasn't in a good place, but after watching Daredevil for the first time and falling in love with Charlie Cox as a genuine person and an actor, it felt like I found a reason to keep going.

I started writing fanfiction again, which I kind of neglected because I felt like this hobby of mine wasn't going anywhere. I wasn't inspired at all until I watched the show. If I hadn't, I probably would not have gotten back into writing and using it as an outlet for my feelings, and I probably wouldn't be where I am today. Thanks to Charlie's portrayal of Matt Murdock, and watching his interviews, I felt like I could do the things that I love again and follow my dreams. He's the reason I chose to major in English. And while I owe him that much, I owe you guys here on Tumblr and AO3 even more.

When I first posted here, I didn't think people would even be interested in what I had to say and write. But then more and more people started visiting my profile, you guys started following me, and it kept me motivated to keep writing, even when I'm miserable, and I sometimes only post once every blue moon.

I feel so honored that you guys chose to follow a silly little blog run by a silly little 20-something-year-old whose first language isn't even English (but made it her entire personality), and who chose to write about traumatized dark-haired characters portrayed by Charlie Cox. I'm overwhelmed by the love you continue to show me, and every time one of you chooses to reblog or comment on one of my works, saying that it resonated with you, I feel like I'm doing something right. I'm sharing my ideas, my own experiences, my wishes, and even my deepest, darkest dreams through my writing like it's a fucking diary, and you eat it up every single time.

I'm just so glad that this community exists, as chaotic as it sometimes is, and that you chose to stick around, even when I suck at keeping promises sometimes. You keep teaching me new things about who I am, my writing, and how important it is to put myself first. I don't know if you've heard it lately, but you guys are incredible and I appreciate the hell out of every single one of you.

Thanks to Tumblr, I made lifelong friends (especially looking at you, @blackshadowswriter) and found like-minded people that made me feel less alone. That alone was worth making this account and continuing to post on here.

You may think that I'm being dramatic, but for someone who has never really experienced the kind of validation this community gives me, I want to celebrate this milestone. It means more to me than I can even put into words. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love you all so much! Please, don't ever forget how amazing you are.

That being said, I've got some exciting things planned.

The other day, I found a folder in my Docs titled "the vault". I completely forgot about it because I usually keep my WIPs in a different folder. As it turns out, I made that folder for fics that I originally never planned to post, or ones that I'd finished but wasn't happy with. It’s many, but it’s a few. Some are deeper than others. I also jotted down rough ideas and outlines last year that I stuffed in there, some of which I've actually shared with you but never started working on. Until now. And the contents of that vault are what I want to give to you now.

INTRODUCING: The Vault

6 stories from the vault. 1 bonus fic. 7 days.

I went through a myriad of emotions while I wrote these. For some, I actually bled my soul onto paper. For others, it was merely a brain fart that led to their existence. They're sad, horny, and at times angry, but some of those were originally written for me, and only me. Those that weren't started as a few sentences in a folder before I forgot they existed. Either way, I don't want them to catch dust. And I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.

Starting February 14th, I will be posting one fic every day until February 20th. My “The Vault” works are Matt Murdock x Reader works, but I've made an exception for the bonus fic. I won't tell you what they are about, but I will give you a list of installments and what kind of fic they are so you know what to be excited about (and maybe which ones are not your cup of tea).

-> The number at the end tells you the date I will be posting it on, but I put it in chronological order as well.

INSTALLMENTS:

1. If You Need To Be Mean (angst, hurt/comfort) 14.

2. Mismatched Bridesmaid (fluff, smut) 15.

3. Weed Cookies (humor, fluff, cw: accidental drug use) 16.

4. the grudge (songfic, angst, hurt/comfort, cw: death of a parent) 17.

5. Halloween (Smut) 18.

6. I Want To Fuck A Priest (Smut, cw: priest!Matt) 19.

BONUS:

7. Now That We Don’t Talk (Part 2 of Is It Over Now?) -> Frank Castle x Reader (smut, angst) 20.

A few more words: You are free to send me an ask if you want to know more, but be prepared that I won't be answering in much detail. I don't want to spoil the fun. I would, however, not mind talking about them as vaguely as possible (if you’re interested).

Thank you all. For everything. And I hope you stick around to read these little gems.

With love from yours truly,

Lizzi <3

[amberskywrites]

Saying Goodbye

Original story written for my Intro Nonfiction course in uni. I don't usually get emotional when writing, but I vividly recall being in a remorseful mood and chose this topic to write about, which led to me sobbing silently in the library. Fun times!

Warnings for topics of abuse, neglect, and animal death.

Word Count: 1,696

Fic Masterpost | Original Work Masterpost

I don’t remember the beginning. To me, you were always just there. I only remember what I’ve been told.

We were the same age – I wonder what you were like, before. No one ever talks about the before, with you. I don’t know if they know about the before. I’ve been told where you came from, but I don’t remember where. It was never a detail that seemed important to others, but it felt important to me. That was our first year apart, and we didn’t know each other yet, but still. Was it a rescue? Which shelter or pound? Was it a nice building with air conditioning and clean halls or was it a tiny building? Or worse, was it one of those big white tents that really don’t keep the heat out? They would have made sure it was cheap – they wouldn’t spend hundreds on anyone but themselves. They wouldn’t even spend that much on their own children.

Maybe it was a neighbor that never came back. That sounds about right, actually. I think I’ve heard a version like that before. I think this was the case. If it was, did they say goodbye? Or did they just leave you with Mom and Dad?

I think I hate myself more though, if that’s really what happened.

What were you thinking, when they brought you home? So young and active, experiencing a sudden change – you had to have been excited to start over. We were the same age. It’s not quite so young for you, not then, but you still had years and years ahead of you. But still, a lot can happen in a year. I’d know better than anyone – although you wouldn’t be able to know about that.

Nonetheless, you had to be excited. You were going home. Is it weird, that I hope it wasn’t your last, even though I wanted it to be? And then you were greeted with an overeager infant, and you took it in stride. You were so calm, tolerating me. I had to have been insufferable. The constant tugging and undeniable screaming – no matter how often I’m told I was a quiet baby, that house was never quiet. If it wasn’t a baby screaming, it was Mom and Dad shouting or throwing things.

What were you thinking, a few years later, and running away?

Not that I’d blame you. Of that story, I remember very clearly why you would. One of Dad’s many excursions out on his own, supposedly to never return. Who would want to stay with him of all people? No, I know exactly why you would want to get away from that. His anger as hot as the Phoenix heat, his impulsiveness dragging you to an unfamiliar place… But still, what did you expect to happen? What were you thinking?

Was it me?

You were brought back to us without him. I don’t remember any of it, still far too young. I only know what I’ve been told – and isn’t it silly, that I can’t even remember how old we were, but I can easily remember being told the story? I don’t know if it was our first time apart for long. I think it was.

I’m told it was a happy reunion. I don’t doubt that. 

I remember the javelina incident. I’m glad I remember the javelina incident. I hate that I remember. They were lurking in the bushes, by the pool, and we were walking the same path we took day after day. Four of us suddenly turned to three as you darted off, because we didn’t notice them but you did. One second you were by my side and the next you were gone and disappearing into the bushes and people were yelling to us to get behind a yellow car. They said it deterred javelinas – somehow I doubt that, but we did it anyway. I don’t remember what I felt, then, so I can’t say it’s the most terrified I’ve ever been. But it’s probably in the top three, at least. I do remember thinking why why why? Why would he do this why would he do something so stupid?

But it was clear why.

It was me.

Shockingly unhurt, you came back.

You always came back. I’m sorry I never returned the favor.

How scared were you, that day?

I wasn’t home. I was at school. We were – what, fourteen? It was around fourteen. I was in middle school. I was in class, and it wasn’t until I had come home that I found out what had been done, what I had spoken against for weeks until then. It had been a while, since I had last seen you, and I wish I could have at least said goodbye.

It must have been confusing. You were having trouble seeing. You were having trouble hearing. You were underfed. You were old. I don’t know how you survived so long under all that stress. I still remember what it was like to be denied food, to expect to be hit at the first sign of irritation, to try every second to escape and being unable to. I ended up escaping. It took a little longer for you. You made it out, taken by people you could trust, that you thought you could trust, that I thought I could trust.

It must have been frightening. After everything, you finally get to leave… and then where were you? In an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people and creatures. You’d be in fight mode. You were aggressive with others if you thought it was needed. And then they left. They just left you. And it’s not like anyone could visit – it was painful for them even if they made the decision to leave you there and I couldn’t face you, knowing there was nothing I could do.

You still knew where I was. It wasn’t hard to figure out, I was just across the street, but I never saw you out front after I left. It’s not like you would see me even if you were out – Dad was usually with you. You weren’t allowed in the house I was, not after you attacked Marshall years ago – and while he was no longer there, Charlie now was, and you would have attacked him too. You never would have seen me in that room, even if you did manage to wriggle free. My blinds were always kept closed. But you knew. You knew exactly where I was. You came, once, to the exact place I was, but I wasn’t home then either.

I was told you ran into the wash. This wasn’t unusual for you, and it’s not like it was hard to get there. There was a perfect slope down into the wash that anything could get up or down. Whenever you got out, that was one of the first places you’d run. I was told after an hour or two, you climbed out of the wash. You went to the house. You went to the window. My window. How would you have known to go to that window? How would you have known, that it was my window?

I used to go back, and it was for you. I don’t know if I hope you knew that, that I only ever went back for you. I don’t know if that hurts more, imagining you knew I only visited for you. Because let’s be honest, Dad was the whole reason I left, and maybe I cared about Mom at some point, but the arguments and drugs were more interesting than me apparently. At some point, it was just to show my face, say I filled my quota as decreed by the courts, and to see you. You were the only good part about those visits.

I wish I could have taken you with me.

I wanted to. Desperately, then and now, I wish I could have. I wonder if I could have changed their minds if I pushed hard enough – but I never pushed, then. Pushing still meant getting yelled at and told to stand isolated for hours on end and sometimes it also meant being hit so hard my skin still stung hours later. So I didn’t push, because I didn’t know I could, but I wish I had tried. I should have. I don’t know what we would have done, because there was still your aggression issue and space but maybe we could have figured out something–

But I didn’t. 

I stopped going back.

I keep going back to that day. You were so excited, so happy. I was told it was a mistake, a trick to get me to talk to Dad, but I didn’t even pay him any mind. I was focused on you. It had been so long since I had seen you – and I didn’t cry that day, I didn’t, but I cry now thinking about it. Seeing you again was one of the best and worst things to happen to me. It had been years – one, likely two, but no more than that. We were almost fourteen. I stopped going when we were twelve.

I didn’t think it’d be the last time I’d see you.

I wish I had taken a picture. I should have. Something – anything – to memorialize that you were there, that we were together again, even if briefly. Something that I’d have to show people, something tangible, something that isn’t just the memories I struggle to hold on to. I have practically nothing of you, and maybe, just maybe, if I had taken a picture, I would have at least one thing.

And then you were gone.

If it were up to me, I would have been there, in the end. I wanted it to be that way – just you and me, just like it started. Maybe it would have destroyed me, to say goodbye that way. But I’d be fine with it – happy, even, just to have those final moments.

I hope, at least, that you had someone, in the end.

I’m sorry I wasn’t there.

I’m sorry it wasn’t me.

I’m sorry.

Goodbye.

[goneahead]

I was tagged by @radiowrites and @stephmcx thank you♥️!!

Hi! I am @goneahead on tumblr. I am also goneahead on A03 and goneahead over on dreamwidth (see links in my pinned post - my internet has gone wonky again)

So, this was definitely not one of my better years. I have three WIPs and while I plodded away at all three, I was never happy enough to post new chapters.

What’s really sad is I finally hit 1 million words posted on dreamwidth—and then I pretty much struck out this year. I’m mostly posting this cuz I think its good for newer writers to realize that yes, even experienced writers have years where things just go all pear-shaped.

My grand total for fanfic was: 1,513😳

I don’t keep track of my poetry word count, but I started the year writing poem #926 and ended the year writing poem #947

Total Number of Fanfics: about 150

Total Number Of Completed Works: this year? 0

Total Number of WIPS worked on this year: 3

How Many WIPs do you still have: 4

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected? Much less. In fact, this year was pretty much a bust.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Well considering I spent all year writing three fics and wasnt happy enough to post anything….

Biggest Surprise: I would love to say I was surprised at how little I posted, but I am a disorganized idjit and—yeah. nobody is shocked.

Biggest Disappointment: see above😆

Do you have any writing goals for the new year? Finish Home verse. Let’s see how that goes….

Fanfiction Questions Below! (if you don’t write fanfiction feel free to skip or rework the questions for your original works.)

Fandoms I’ve written in this year? Hawaii Five-0

Your most popular story of the year? sadly, I didn’t post a new story, just a poem and a tiny addition to another verse.

The story that was easiest/or most fun to write? Still enjoying my MIB AU. Now if I could actually finish it…

Hardest story to write: Lead Me Through the Fire from 2022 was one of those fics where all the different pieces of the plot had to fit together just so. I spent more time than I’d like to admit second-guessing myself on how I arranged the chapters.

Your sweetest funniest story: I have a soft spot for Hawaii Five-0’s Eric Russo. The character is very funny and often wildly inappropriate. I wrote a scene in one of my WIPs where Eric is just soooo Eric

Your saddest scene: I didn’t write anything sad this year.

The sexiest moment you’ve written this year? again, nada.

Your favorite tag: diplomatic javelining😆

Most unintentionally telling story: hmmm. I can’t think of anything too revealing in my fic? Except a tendency to write too many AUs?

Are any of your fics named after/heavily inspired by music? Yes. A lot of my fics have their own playlists and that music definitely influenced those fics. I don’t usually share these songs—or name my fics after songs—because I listen to a lot of obscure stuff most people have never heard of.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? I continued to get a lot of interesting and thought-provoking comments on Care and Feeding of a Super SEAL this year. There are many amazing fix-it fics for S10xE22 written by insanely talented writers—so its crazy and humbling that people are continuing to read and comment on mine.

Fanfiction risks you took this year? sadly, none.

My favorite part of fandom this year: We had new people join our fandom!

You know, I really don’t get what has happened to fandoms these last few years. It used to be that fans just shrugged and continued to write, create, and have fun—even their fandom didn’t have any new content being made. Am I the only one who thinks its weird that most fans now book it for the nearest exit as soon as a show is canceled or a movie series is over?

letsee, tagging um, @cowandcalf @bennyokelly @itwoodbeprefect @stellagioia @redgoldblue

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

TW Emotional Abuse? Familial problems, general trauma, addiction, drugging, sa/hospitalization, very depressing

Hello I think I’m asking for advice mainly on how to escape my situation or even just support/resources. I currently live with my older sister who hasn’t ever really been close to me but instead has been more of a negative person in my life. I haven’t been able to stop crying rethinking the situation I’m in since it feels emotionally paralyzing.

My parents sort of forced her to take care of me at a young age so as a result she naturally hates me and is stuck with me as I am with her. After a long bout of traumas/fights etc from leaving our abusive household together we sort of were bonding since we understood each others pain and we kind of had to, our checks together were the only things stopping us from being homeless but still are which is why I’m really stressed out.

After we moved in together to our first apartment however my older brother had also been having issues at our parents so I let him come over whenever he felt like. He was doing meth and didn’t let me know but instead lied and said he was clean, eventually meth got into my system after he stayed for 2 days possibly when he let me try a cigarette for the first time or I’m not sure if he laced my weed but I ended up in the hospital for two weeks unaware of instead thinking I had finally broke my brain until I saw my hospital discharge papers. I was in psychosis for almost 2 years on and off going back into hospitals mainly because I became so suicidal I couldn’t take it anymore, I hardly remember the past 3 years of my life either because I didn’t create memories I loved or it was just so stressful my mind blocked it out.

What really halted my recovery was my sister letting my brother come back around after I came out of the hospital because she felt bad for him. She’d put up paintings he’d make while on meth on the kitchen wall and when I’d cry and ask her to take them down she’d basically make me feel guilty for feeling the way I did. This only made me worse and it’s taken 3 years for me to get back to a place mentally where I feel safe but the last time she let him over here was still a month ago, I just finally couldn’t take it anymore and told him to leave and not come back. She let him back in the next morning though but kicked him out when he inconvenienced her instead.

Earlier this year I tried going to a program called Job Corps because it was a free ticket out of the state but straight to a gov facility, at least they’d give me training for a trade certification and some needed skills, mainly a new environment. However my sister didn’t like the idea when I mentioned moving out or leaving for the year so now I’m just washing dishes for 14 an hour instead of studying like I wanted and need to. I try not to throw the term abuse around but it just feels emotionally damaging how i haveto live in her shadow all the time.

I’m scared of moving out not because of having to support myself but her being left with a financial mess, she also had told me that leaving would make things harder for her and just be “running away”. I’m in my early 20s and she’s 10 years older yet my job is what’s keeping us from being homeless I mention it just cause it’s weird she went to vacation a few days ago even though we’re broke and I give her most of my money when I get l paid, and even then she’ll get mad if I buy something she thinks I shouldn’t have.

I just constantly feel alone like I’ve never heard of someone being in this sort of situation so I’ve never heard of anyone being able to leave it behind either, I guess I’m mainly asking for hope after letting this all out I don’t really have any left but I’m trying, I appreciate it.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through. Please know that you're not alone in experiencing this, and I have answered a few other asks from people in similar situations as well.

It's important to remember that while your sister may have some resentment over having to take care of you growing up, that doesn't explain or justify becoming abusive to you. It sounds like you have a complicated dynamic between your siblings. It seems that your sister feels pity for your brother and doesn't understand why he makes you uncomfortable, especially considering your hospital visit and suicidal thoughts.

It's not up to your sister to determine where you will work - you are your own self. It sounds like she is emotionally abusive and doesn't respect your autonomy, especially if it means moving out. It also sounds like she may be financially abusive as well considering that you give her most of your money when you get paid, and controls how you spend your money. Part of why your sister may be discouraging you from leaving is because it would mean that she can no longer take advantage of you.

Leaving this kind of situation is not simple or easy, but there are a few suggestions. While this resource is in reference to domestic violence cases, these tips on leaving an abusive situation can still apply. Here is a masterlist of international crisis lines you can contact, which may be able to help you get in touch with someone who can assist you in this process.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[maroonghoul]

Expansion on my thoughts on: The Evil Dead Franchise

I wanted to expand on my point of view on Evil Dead Rise, since I don’t think I explained myself very well in my last post. This isn’t me saying this franchise is the most personal to me, or saying that this new one is an insult to it, because neither are true. I’m just trying to reflect on why it felt I didn’t engage as much as previous entries. Everything I’ve written on here is just my subjective opinion, nothing more and that’s not changing now.

I’ll even concede that over time, this one will warm up to me as much as the others ones. I think it’s possible...because I had to do the same for Evil Dead 2. When I first saw it, about 15 years ago or so, I didn’t know what to make of it.  Sure the wacky tone was fun. But I was taken out of it by the fact that this man was literally being tormented by his murdered girlfriend’s corpse. I felt this was because I was relatively new to horror films to that point, so “having fun with it” felt like like an alien concept given the subject matter. It wasn’t really my gateway horror film. I can think of a few more accurate examples, most notable the original Predator. And sure, I was tricked by my parents to rent Gremlins when I was little thinking it was another kids film. I DID NOT enjoy it at that time, for obvious reasons. But Evil Dead 2, after I sampled a couple more with a lot more serious tone, had a playfulness that felt like a good anchor to came back to. 

It helped me worked up the courage to watch the original, which I avoided until my last year of undergrad, because I heard it was so intense. When I did, I could take it. I was more experienced and granted, it showed it’s age with it’s cheapness a bit. But either way, I was able to vibe with it more then if I watched it instead of the sequel. And I believed it was because other horror films I worked up to seeing before it helped me to.

Army of Darkness I liked straightaway, along with Ash VS Evil Dead. Sure, it did some changes to the lore I felt off(The immortal maker of the book, Ruby, being played by a much-easier-on-the-eyes-than-any-deadite Lucy Lawless, for example), but it was consistent with the tone of 2 and 3, and felt like an true continuation of Ash’s story, selfishness and stupidity included. And for the 2013 remake, at the danger of repeating myself, while it wasn’t mind-blowing, I respected for committing to making me wince more than any movie I’ve ever seen. I didn’t even take issue that they had a final girl except the more rare final boy because I believed Mia more than earned the right to survive. Also that Jane Levy gave the best performance in the movie up to that point.

That actually brings me to my first reason here. If we were going by what franchise entries in order of release, the last one before Rises was the TV show. So the next entry having a darker tone again made sense for keeping things fresh. While for me, the last Evil Dead thing I watch before this was the remake, which had a similar tone. So, even though it didn’t make sense, it felt like I was getting more of the same, which wasn’t entirely true. 

To be fair, I did like the new lore connected to the new Necronomicon. I did like the performance given by the mom played by Alyssa Sutherland, both pre and post-possession. You generally don’t need a main villain for this scenario but given the point of this story, it made sense. The subtext of re-connecting with your old family for guidance, only to realize how it’s messed up beyond repair in cycle of abuse so it’s better to cut ties and save who you can. It’s one of those subjects where in a demon-less real world setting, you can see unfolding more or less the same over years instead of hours. The gore was good. Although am I the only one let down that the cheese grater didn’t do more damage to her leg? Maybe that’s the real problem. I’m too much of a cynical asshole.

Yeah, maybe that’s it. 

With the energy and tone this franchise is known for, giving any kind of happy or even bittersweet ending doesn’t feel right. There always felt like a nihilistic reason why each of these movies had their energies and tone. “These people are going to die horribly due to their own stupidity! Ain’t it great?!” I don’t mind if there’s a metaphor or point to the story of an Evil Dead movie. I just think it shouldn’t take less time to solve than Ash did. Not because no one deserves it, but I don’t believe these demons would so easily let anyone go. The happiness, if any admittedly, felt unearned.

I guess that’s my real point. It won’t feel right if this is the last we see of Beth and Kassie. Sure, it made sense to end where it did, but I don’t believe either of them is okay. I want to know more about how they’re holding up. But who knows. Maybe I’d like for them to stumble upon the cabin at the beginning years later. It’d be very interesting to see how Kassie, a kid who was exposed and lost her family to these things at a very young age, would develop psychologically. Would it be similar to Andy from the Child’s Play movies? (That’s a franchise I need to catch up on) And yeah, maybe all these survivors, including Ash, should meet up at some point. Or at least become aware of each other’s existence. I don’t want any of them to die (unless it’s written well). Death is cheap, but trauma is rich. 

A big reason why rewatching one of these movies every October for me is a must is because they each feel like a fun ride through a haunted house. I did like this enough, I’ll add it to the rotation. Maybe, in a few years, I’ll soften on this one like I did Evil Dead 2. It’s funny how I didn’t like that one at first because I thought it was too mean and not taking itself seriously. Now, I’m saying this one’s my least favorite because it’s too “precious” and serious. Maybe the real deadite is the one I became along the way.

[drlindseymedical]

World’s Best Hair Transplant Doctors

Originally Published on — https://drwilliamlindsey.com/

All hair transplant surgeons are created equal, right? Wrong. As Dr. John P. Cole of Bisanga & Cole hair transplant clinic in Athens stated during a recent interview with Spencer Kobren on The Bald Truth podcast: “This industry is in more danger today than it’s ever been.” Unfortunately, he’s 100% correct. Things are messy out there. In the last 10 years or so, there’s been an explosion of activity in the industry and dime-a-dozen operators have sprung up all over the world. It seems anyone can slip into a pair of gloves, grab a scalpel and start hacking away at some poor guy’s scalp. Don’t think I’m exaggerating either — I’ve heard some terrible horror stories, and seen the evidence. But today, you’re in luck. Because I’m going to share with you my personal list of surgeons and clinics around the world that I would feel confident sending my best friend to.

What Brought You Here? Through a combination of consultation and research, you may have learned that it’s time for you to explore hair transplant surgery. You’ve tried other options; you’ve met with experts and you’ve done your very best to hold on to the hair that’s desperately clinging to your scalp. But can you entrust your precious remaining follicles to just anyone? No, of course not.

The hair transplant market is a ferociously competitive one, populated by the full gamut of players, from the dodgy “backyard” operator to the fully-fledged, highly trained professional with decades of experience. Speaking as someone who has undergone thirteen hair transplant surgeries, I can confidently say that I’ve seen it all… and experienced quite a bit myself. You want recommendations? I’ve got your recommendations, and believe me when I say I’m confident I know what I’m talking about.

I’ve met with many of the surgeons featured below personally and I’ve placed my own scalp in the very capable hands of a couple of them. I’ve done my time in the trenches. I’ve researched, read, visited, spoken to and met with a lot of hair transplant surgeons, and seen their practices up close. All the doctors listed here are, in my opinion, highly skilled and worth consulting with directly. They will provide you with an honest appraisal and, most importantly, they will tell you what you need to hear, not necessarily what you want to hear.

You may learn that hair transplant surgery is not an appropriate treatment for you at the current time, or that you’re not really a candidate for it at all. You might be told that you need far more extensive work than you thought necessary. If you do go along to one of the doctors listed below, you can take it from me that they will be telling you the unbiased, unfiltered truth.

In the interests of full transparency, I will say that I work directly with a few of the clinics listed below who I know through my own experience are incredibly, skilful, ethical and trustworthy. My function is as a patient advocate and advisor. If you know anything about me at all, you’ll know that my prime focus is the patient and what’s best for him. I get the opportunity to talk to many patients before and after their treatments and the feedback I receive informs how I’m able to recommend doctors and practices.

Read Full Article: https://drwilliamlindsey.com/worlds-best-hair-transplant-doctors/

[psychosomatist]

Getting my fucking COVID research together ahead of this goddamn house meeting 🙃 which feels pointless bc my housemates already fucking understand and have heard the science. One of them in particular just doesn’t actually care.

Anyway idk it’s thrown into question the longevity of this housing situation. I’m not sure if I’m overreacting or what. I know I’m partly just extremely activated after everything this week. Idk all I’m saying is that I don’t want any more chronic health conditions or to have my existing ones be worse and I don’t want to give COVID to anyone either. I’m not even saying don’t go anywhere or do anything. My big ask is please wear a fucking mask and don’t have people over who haven’t been cautious. And if there is a surge don’t go to things or at least pick and choose and try to keep it outdoors. Those are pretty minimal asks.

I KNOW it’s a fact of life now and I know I’ll probably have it again. But I think harm reduction is still important. Because even if you don’t get long COVID there is still cumulative damage each time you get it.

It’s hard bc I am someone with a couple disabilities and have had a hard few years of sickness, surgery and injuries. It’s hard to explain the powerlessness, isolation and desperation of that to someone who hasn’t experienced it. The toll it takes on your body, mental health, relationships, finances, goals. I also was out on FMLA for like 4 months already this year plus then had COVID and being out for emergency fucking surgery meant I was out for a lot of august. Aside from any effects to my actual body, I straight up financially and professionally can’t afford to get COVID again if I can help it. This housemate has definitely had her own health issues but she has also had a social and financial safety net in a way I haven’t and don’t, and is generally able bodied/more able to consistently function than me.

In addition to the actual risk I feel like fundamentally not respected/valued rn bc of this and it is hard to have the same respect for this housemate that I previously have had. She talks a good talk about like disability acceptance and modification of activities and shit but then I’m like dude I’m not sure this word means what you think it means lol.

Like… I’m not gonna tell you what you can and can’t identify with past a point… but I’m sorry, if you can keep up with housework, two relationships, friendships, working out all the time, gardening, cooking regularly, hobbies, work, going out to events and a bunch of other stuff…… CONSISTENTLY….. we’re not the same 😂

I am usually in a place where I have to budget the energy to do almost everything I do. It is actually pretty rare for me to be able to handle going into the grocery store and I spend a lot of time in bed. I go through phases of not being able to be intimate with my partner. I don’t usually know how physical activity is going to affect me and if it will lead to me then struggling to do basic things the next few days. I had to drop out of school last year to address health issues. I have a shit ton of mental health stuff too that requires a lot of work to stay on top of. And I’m proud of myself because I do that work and I don’t make it anyone else’s problem. My friends know that plans with me are always tentative though and I’ve lost people who that does not work for. Which is sad but ok, bc it’s not for everyone. I’m distant with family for the same reasons.

All this to say I’m genuinely hopeful that maybe things will be better soon with my health and maybe I’ll be able to do more.

She is framing it as her valuing her bodily autonomy and I’m just like ok dude you’re infringing on the bodily autonomy of others that you live with when you choose to go do a bunch of high exposure recreational shit, specifically refusing to mask.

I think what really did it is like… this whole damn year has been so so bad physically and mentally, just one thing after another, the actual worst of my life, then I get covid, then my fucking ovary randomly explodes and dies, and then literally the first week I’ve had in like… I can’t remember how long… where I’m feeling more normal and able to do more after surgery and stuff, and there’s a COVID exposure at my house bc of carelessness and my housemate proceeds to say she will actually be taking LESS precautions going forward.

Idk like COVID is not just about me. But I’m feeling all this between her and I in a very personal way because I thought things were different between us than they apparently are. A friend helped me identify that my anger is partly just intense fear of getting sick again and becoming more disabled.

I’m trying to spend some time focused on my own feelings and honoring the grief and fear and powerlessness of what this year has been like for my body and mind. Because I’ve not really done that much. Instead I’ve just tried to dismiss it and get through it and have seen everything as my own fault or what I deserve or felt selfish for struggling. And that attitude has taken its own toll on me. I’m grateful to be at a point in my life where I can even recognize that I need to do this tbh.

I don’t want to communicate from a place of anger. Not bc I shouldn’t be angry but bc it’s not going to be effective. I’m trying to decide if I should share my very personal feelings about all of this (like what I just wrote) in addition to the science and more basic “hey I don’t want to get this it makes me scared.”

On one hand she is more touchy feely than me. On the other hand I think there is a strong likelihood that this household of mental health workers will try to validate my feelings while not listening to my words and then I might actually lose my shit.

I’m also feeling scared and threatened bc this house was the most stability I’ve had ever as an adult and has been the first place I thought I might actually stay for a few years since I was 24. And now I’m feeling afraid that it might not be. If she doesn’t mask it’s going to change how I spend time in common areas, and limit what kind of time/how much I will spend with her or her partner who is a good friend.

Idk I just seriously might lose my shit if this house meeting turns into a big touchy feely cry fest though because it feels so far from the point. When that happens at house meetings it’s like yeah ok great I’m glad that you feel comfortable expressing yourself but now we are just in the weeds, not addressing the problem. The problem is now your feelings.

Like I feel upset at house meetings sometimes too but that’s not the time or place imo to cry it out. I get resentful when other adults have big emotional displays that require others to help regulate them. It happens to everyone sometimes and no one is perfect. But there’s certain times that it’s like… ok. THIS should not cause this much of a reaction. I do not want to do the work of helping you emotionally regulate about this.

[mrmonster459]

The Mushroom Man

“Well damn, if I’d known this would last so long, I’d have bought more Pop Tarts.” My boyfriend said as he got back to reading Alex Rider, a 20 year old copy of a teenage spy novel he found in the closet. “I don’t know about you, but I’d kill for one right now.”

Allow me to set the scene for you; this was our fifth day of being stuck at home due to our neighborhood experiencing a flood. Most of our neighbors had evacuated. We only stayed because we really didn’t have anywhere to go; we were new to the area and had no friends or family we could go stay with. So, instead of getting a hotel, we just put sandbags outside our doors, and we roughed it.

We still had electricity, thankfully, but no internet. That meant our only time killers were whatever books and magazines we had lying around. Which wasn’t terrible; he wasn’t a big reader, but I was.

And then, we heard the strangest sound on the back door. It had a clear pattern, as if someone was knocking, but not with their hands. It was more like they were using a piece of wood or something.

“What the Hell?” My husband asked. The last thing were we expecting during our confinement was a visitor; especially one at the backdoor. Just getting back there would require trudging through some pretty thick marsh water.

“Could it be a neighbor? Maybe someone needs help.” I said.

“I’ll see.” He said as he walked over and opened the back door.

And then, standing right on our back porch, was the most freakish thing I’ve ever seen. It was at least seven feet tall, and appeared to be made entirely of mushrooms, with one massive mushroom (I’m talking at least the size of a basketball) as its head.

Before my husband could slam the door, it stuck one of its massive arms in the doorway, stopping the door from closing. And then, he reached out with his massive hand, and grabbed him by the neck.

The Mushroom Man pulled him out and threw him in the water. When my husband stood back up, the monster than pushed him down and stepped on him, forcing him under the floodwaters. I wanted to help, but was too shocked and frozen in fear to do anything.

  Once he stopped fighting back, the mushroom man then opened his mouth wide, and began devouring him. He took a HUGE bite out of his shoulder,

I stood there, motionless, unable to even scream. There was a literal monster, right outside my house, one that was able to effortlessly kill and eat my husband. And after it took a few good bites out of him, he then turned and seemed to focus on me.

I ran up to the door, slammed it shut, locked it, deadbolted it, and even moved the dining room table in front of it. I then grabbed my cell phone and ran back to our bedroom.

“Hello, 911, what is your emergency?” I was asked.

“Hello, 911. I’m on Carter Street. My husband, something came by our house, it took him, and he’s dead.”

“Carter Street? I’ll see what I can do, but that area’s evacuation was two days ago, most of our officers are busy with evacuations over in…”

I didn’t even hear when she said next, because then, the beast started banging on the door. After just a couple strikes, it threw open the door, and then made its way inside.

“No.” I muttered to myself before then quieting myself, hoping that the monster wouldn’t hear me; that it would just move on, and leave me alone. I then heard it lumbering over to my room. Every step it made thundered throughout the hallway. I stayed dead silent, praying it would just go away. Then, I heard it slam against the door. With just one strike, it almost snapped the lock in two. I knew one more would burst it right through.

I then had to flee. I opened my window, kicked the bug screen out, and then jumped out; I landed hip high in murky, disgusting flood water. I didn’t even have a pair of shoes.

I then began wading through the water, as the beast continued after me. Once my feet no longer felt the mush of mud and wet grass and could feel the cold asphalt, I knew I had made it to the street. But the monster could move through the water much faster than me, I was sure it was going to catch up. I shouted “HELP!” but no one heard; who would hear me, I was all alone in the neighborhood.

But then, I was saved, at just moments before I thought it was going to catch me. I saw a flashlight beam, looked over, and saw a boat. I then continued to shout “HELP, HELP!”

They began motoring in my direction, as I continued moving towards them. I even cut my foot on something (not sure what; maybe a sharp stick or a sharp rock, maybe a piece of litter, I truly didn’t care in that moment) but I didn’t let it stop me, I didn’t stop until the johnboat caught up with me.

“Ma’am, are you okay?” one of the two men aboard asked.

“Help me, that monster, it’s…” I turned around, but there was no beast. It had simply vanished, lost in the floodwaters.

“Come on aboard. We’re working at the makeshift evacuation center, at the church down the street, we’ll take you there.”

“Oh my god, thank you.” I said as I climbed on.

“Do you need to get any of your belongings. We can swing by your place and…”

“No.” I said.

“Ma’am, you don’t even have a pair of…”

“I said I’m good. Please, it’s an emergency just take me somewhere safe.” I said. “And let me talk to the police.”

______

I ended up telling the police that it was an alligator that killed my husband. What else was I supposed to say; that a monster man made of fungus killed him?

But the police weren’t buying it, at least not at first. They gave me a long “questioning” about what happened that felt more like an interrogation. They even asked if I thought he was cheating, or if we were having money troubles; questions that clearly asked if I had a motive.

I was afraid they were going to change me with his murder, but they ended up finding his body three days after the flooding ended; his bones had washed up in a nearby drainage ditch. Even with his skin decaying and full of maggots, there were still visible bite marks. After it had become clear that something had eaten him, the police suddenly left me alone.

I don’t know if I’ll truly know what killed my husband. But I do know one thing; that I’ll never stop looking for The Mushroom Man. And when I find him, no matter what corner of the swamp he’s hiding in, I’m going to get revenge.

[parentlessbehavior]

Post 2: The most violent attack I experienced at the hands of a parent.

Note: I am around 18 years old(at the time of this event). I work full time. I have no license because my mother has simply never bothered to take any initiative to teach me to drive. I pay her $100 a week of my paycheck to take me to work and pick me up. I’m not even kidding. That is what she demands. 1/3 of every paycheck for “gas money” in 2005… I didn’t know any better. I didn’t know that was an absolutely absurd amount.

Scene:

It’s 3:30 in the afternoon. In the middle of the week on an early spring day in the Midwest. I get off work and I step outside to wait patiently for my ride home from work. The time ticks by and still I wait. Eventually, I decide to scrounge some change from my purse call home, using the payphone in the lobby of my workplace.

I repeatedly insert my change & call. Getting no answer on any of my numerous attempts. the phone just rings and rings. I know from experience that means that my mother is on the phone at home, probably drinking, and talking to her friends.

Two hours later still I sit, having given up on trying to call. A friend of mine gets off from their shift and they offer me a ride home. I question whether or not I should do this, but I do it anyway because I’ve already been sitting for two hours and no one will answer the phone at home.

We get in his car and we head toward my home. As we’re headed down the street, at about halfway to my home, I see my stepfather pass us in my mom’s car. And my heart sinks. Because I know I’m going to get home and mom is going to be mad. She has sent my stepdad who just got home from work himself to pick me up…

I walked in the house (and my friend went straight upstairs to my room.)& as expected my mother lit into me. Yelling at me. And screaming at me. And berating me. For having the unmitigated gall to find a ride home and inconvenience my stepdad who is now driving all the way to my workplace and wasting gas to pick me up… Never mind the fact that I had been off work at this point for 2 1/2 hours.

She screamed at me like I had purposely done this, just to spite her. And then I turned and walked away. I thought she had made her point & was done.

It turns out she wasnt. As I turned to walk away from her, She stood up and she started punching me in the back. I tried to escape. I started walking/running away from her, and she continued to follow me, wailing on my back, shoulders & head with her fist & her hands until we had traveled, about 8 feet across the room and over to a wall where I crouched down on the floor trying to protect my head while she continued to beat me in the back.

The only thing I could see to try to defend myself with a dog toy. It was a tennis ball on a rope laying near by and I was trying to reach for that as she continued hitting me.

At this time my friend, who she did not know it was in the house, came around the top of the stairs having heard the commotion and sees her pummeling me on the floor.

He rushes down the stairs and he grabs her. And as he grabs her, I grab the tennis ball rope and swing out and hit her with it. I swing left to right once & right to left a second time. both times, hitting her in the upper body as my friend pulls her backwards, and they both end up laying on the stairs.

She scrambles to her feet, and simply goes back to the sofa as my friend helped me from the floor, and takes me upstairs to my bedroom.

This event will have a lasting impact for not only me, but my friend as well. Having never in their life, witnessed anything of that nature and intensity. It will mark them forever.

She denies it ever happened. But I learned sometime later that she called my grandmother and bragged about beating me.

For a couple weeks following I had a bulge in my back. What I’m assuming was a shifted disc. The impact of a car wreck(see post 5) a few weeks later shifted it back. My back has never been the same. There’s some sort of nerve/tendon damage between my shoulders. I feel it every day if my life.

It’s been 19 years.

[whatsonmedia]

My Advice? Don't Go Making Assumptions 

Just Because You See People Like us, Don't Immediately Assume The Basic Obvious  Last month in September a charity came under scrutiny over a photo collage that it used as part of a campaign it was launching. Now even the charity itself came under fire for what it did the concept, in my perspective, was quite an honourable one. The basics of it was to try and educate people from making assumptions about people with disabilities based on first appearances. Now as someone who lives with a Learning Disability I totally agree with the general gist of the idea. Now just in case you are at odds with what the advert was about it was based on the negative connotations and the typical scenario thinking behind them. I'll give you a quick example of some of the things I have experienced just to give you an idea of the sort of thing I'm on about. I myself am Autistic, and as an individual on the Autistic Spectrum a lot of people have frequently gone by the belief that we simply can't cope with sudden changes in routine, don't like crowds or noisy places and prefer to be left to our own company. Or be it limited. Well first of all I will tell you exactly what I strongly believe is incorrect about all of that. First of all, I don't mind noisy crowded places, it's only when I need to think I'll go somewhere quieter. I work in a profession where the working landscape can change at any given moment and I actually like those sort of challenges and welcome them. For me, it's because I get to challenge my limits so I know what needs work and what doesn't. Occasionally I'll even change my own routine if I'm bored senseless by it. Where company is concerned I'm all for it, I even enjoy working with my colleagues as I've had moments where I've had to work alone, and I'll be straight up about it; I didn't like it at all. My reasons, I found it lonely, isolating and occasionally depressing. The basic assumption i got, and quite often was, 'we know you better than you do'. Basically I've had superiors who, for whatever reasons, believed that they knew more about my disability than I did. Like the advertisement, I had to challenge this head on, quite a bit.  Let me give you another example of an assumption I had thrown at me, and this was one that I had when I was around pre-school/play group years. Also it was one that I had absolutely no idea had even been made and only learnt about it many years later. Basically when I was a very small child and somewhere into being diagnosed on the Autistic Spectrum, my parents were told by a Specialist Doctor (or someone) that I would never be able to read, write or talk properly. In other words I would grow up going through life not being able to do an awful lot for myself and that I practically be dependent on others for life no doubt. Now you can imagine what that must've been like for my parents to have been told that, and for me to learn that many years later. Absolutely shocking. Basically, due to a serious lack of knowledge and understanding I had been completely written off for the rest of my life before I had even begun it. All because of an 'assumption' which was fuelled by negative connotations  I can recall a situation from my time at college which actually supports this. When I was doing an art course in the early 00's a female student joined after a few weeks. We were informed in advance that she was hard of hearing. Now because of her problems we altered our verbal communication aka opening our mouths more when we spoke to her and slowed our speech a little. Now there's a moment I can remember clearly, and I have mentioned this in past columns I think. Me and a couple of my course mates happened to be having a conversation and our new course mate became subject of the talk. Another girl who happened to be something of a big gob openly made snide comments saying it probably wouldn't matter if we slagged her (the heard of hearing girl) off as she's deaf and wouldn't hear it. As with all clichés the very same girl walked up behind her and I clearly recall saying how she wasn't deaf but rather just hard of hearing before pointing out that she was in fact right behind her. I then pointed her out. Little Miss Big Mouth went red with embarrassment. Oh how I giggled at the girl's stupidity and all because she assumed the girl was completely deaf. If you were to ask my advice I'd happily say this; don't underestimate my intelligence and capabilities, I can do more than you think. Next time you see a deaf person, talk to their face, not the translator. Just because someone's blind don't go thinking they can't move around independently. Read the full article

[nursebill-bennett]

How Taylor Swift Got My Mojo Back.

I do not at all consider myself an athlete but from once weighing 280 pounds , now at 55 215 pounds my workouts over the years are not your average run of the mill programs. I owned a successful boot camp where I was allowed to create art with my routines and my passion for dance music. This ended with the pandemic and I went back to nursing.

I have experienced many injuries over the years from sprains , blood clots , torn retinas and such.

Bouncing back sucked but I knew what to do.

Last March I crashed my mountain bike. I fractured my right wrist , my mandibular ( jaw ) cracked 2 teeth lost one.

Recovering from this one is by far the most challenging

I’ve lifted weights for the past 30 years. I’ve never had a wrist injury.

This preventing me from lifting for months.

I’m also passionate about yoga.

For 6 months I really could not do it because I could not put pressure on the wrist without pain.

I also had no idea how much you use your front teeth.

I’ve not been really able to eat solid foods and I’ve lost an additional 20 pounds.

Most of that was probably muscle.

But I found myself going into a deeper depression.

Once I started healing I went back to my traditional workouts and I was just bored.

I still do personal training and I started doing an online class with my students.

Years ago I did a Britney Spears yoga and they loved it.

So with the hype of Taylor Swift I put together a 60 minute beginner flow for recovery.

Again. My clients love it.

And many started coloring their hair for the online class and wearing Taylor gear.

I’ve always liked her.

I’ve just not really been into pop music since I jumped off the Madonna train years ago.

I prefer progressive house , here is a link to my DJ Sets.

https://on.soundcloud.com/yvdGTUifoSWdHpAp9

So one night at the hospital I put the Swift playlist on.

Funny thing is I knew the lyrics.

But I never really connected with them.

Then one after another I heard things in her songs that I had been through.

“ and he's long gone

When he's next to me

And I realize

The blame is on me…No apologies

He'll never see you cry

Pretends he doesn't know

That he's the reason why”

And one song after another there were pieces that resonated with me.

Then I was like. FML. Am I a 16 year old girl ?

And I kinda kept my new Taylor obsession to myself.

Slowly I started listening to her more and more then I dove into her documentary.

And all the shit she’s been through , it would have been so much easier to listen to the haters and go away.

I don’t know how.

I don’t know why.

But her music is helping me , a 55 year old gay guy get his mojo back.

This is a few clips from the warm up of the Swift Yoga class I teach.

If it’s something you dig , like it.

If I get enough requests I’ll do a more professional video of the hour class.

I look angry in some of this. My jaw still is kind of sore so smiling hurts a bit.

Enjoy

Namaste.

[yewwantstobattle]

△ woest experienc eyouve ever had with a pokemon

This one isnt too bad. I’d rate it a 5/10 on the difficult to answer scale.

I’ve already told the abandoned mega mart story, so I guess todays the day! It’s Tyranitar story time! This is a long one so strap in.

I’m gonna preface this by saying, this was my fault. Do not act the way I act i am an impulsive dumbass!!! Okay disclaimer done story start.

This was a few years back, I think I was around 15? I’m on a field mission on Mt. Silver (basically they strap a camera to me and tell me to go look for a Pokémon), and my intended goal was to observe a sneasel. It’s getting a bit late so I plan on setting up a camp pretty soon. Everything is fairly normal up until then, I’m really just taking a mountain hike, until I hear an ear splitting roar. All my Pokémon were out (Stevie, Bab, and Kiki since this was before Pyre and Doug) so they heard it too. My Krokorok, Stevie, is concerned and cautious, and he’s making it pretty clear we should NOT head that way. But things don’t typically roar like that for no reason so I decided to just check out what it was.

I hide behind some rubble and peak over it and I see what has got to be the largest tyranitar in existence. Normally they’re 6’ yeah? This one was at least 10. It looked pissed as all hell, and it was staring down a guy about 50 feet away from it. I couldn’t make out much of him, but he had a shiny sylveon by his side. All three are completely still. I swear I could hear the sound of a leaf sliding accros the ground all the way back in unova. Everything was silent.

I couldn’t tell you what set that tyranitar off. But it flew into a rage. It stamped the ground so hard it made my bones rattle, and the ground split beneath it. Now I don’t know what the story is here, why this guy is here or if he did something to the tyrantiar besides invade it’s space but in that moment I could tell he was in a lot of danger. So I did what I do a lot when I see someone in trouble. I immediately sprint into action…

…which is bad because my Pokémon rightfully lag behind. They’re trying to assess the situation, figure a best course of action, but I’m already closing the distance. I’m essentially a very weird child that they have to babysit. And just like any child, I have without realizing thrown myself into a highly dangerous situation.

The tyranitar notices me. I realize in that moment that I do not have any Pokémon following me. I also realize in that moment I have severely fucked up. The tyranitar is now even MORE mad that there are two weirdos invading it’s space. I start backpedaling but it reacts faster then I do. The last thing I see is its massive tail slamming into me.

I’ve passed out at this point so I’ll have to fill in with what the other guy there told me happened. All three of my Pokémon rush over to me. The tyranitar has turned its focus onto him and his sylveon, so he doesn’t see what happens to me. His mon gets a play rough off on the tyranitar, but it retaliates by using giga impact. It is completely vulnerable, but his sylveon is extremely wounded so he quickly works to heal some of its wounds. Suddenly, the ground splits upward, hitting the tyranitar. Stevie has dug up from under the earth, and he’s not alone. Kiki and Bab also attack the tyranitar, bringing it to its knees. The man sees his opportunity, and chucks an ultra ball at it. It clicks once, twice, three times. And then it’s caught.

I wake a while later, being carried by the guy. I try to ask a question but even opening my mouth hurts, so I allow myself to drift off back into sleep. The next thing I know I’m laying on a bed, with Stevie, Kiki, and Bab. They’re all asleep right next to me. The nurse says something I can’t quite hear, and leaves the room. The guy is there, and he introduces himself. He’s a fairy type specialist (though he is not dressed to look like one! Even today he’s dressed in dark colors and skulls) who was asked to capture or defeat the tyranitar because, left unchecked, they can destroy entire cities. He tried to thank me for helping him, which made me laugh. I said something along the lines of “Help y’a do what? Increase the intensity of your cardio workout? All I did was get my shit wrecked, you should be thanking these three.” Which made him laugh too.

I spent about a week recovering there before I was well enough to go back to Alola. To my surprise, my new friend accompanied me. He even had a private jet ferry me across the ocean (at this point I found out he was hella rich lmao). I’m still very close friend with him to this day, I consider him my rival.

But yeah, there’s the worst experience I’ve had with a Pokémon. Maybe. I don’t know if the abandoned megamart one is worse. I mean they didn’t break my bones but I also can’t remember anything from before that day soo uh. 3/10 tyranitar looks cool but do not approach wild ones unless you want to almost die. Or just fully die. I got pretty damn lucky

[chaysingthesun]

Rover initial thoughts

IT’S SO FREAKING GOOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH

I AM LIVING!!! Like I said earlier this has probably been the most fun comeback I’ve ever experienced since becoming a kpop fan a few years ago. Rover is my favorite Kai title track yet! I am absolutely obsessed, with both the song and the mv. 

Rover: Musically Rover is so catchy, an absolute banger. I can’t help but dance whenever I hear it. I was worried when I heard the mv teaser that it would be kind of monotone but it’s actually got so much beautiful complexity. I love how it builds. I love the vocal layering (on Rover and on the entire album) — the richness of that is one of the things I love most about his and exo’s music. His voice blew me away yet again, and his deep voice for the raps??? Holy crap I was not expecting that. I’m not even a big fan of rap but I swear every time he opened his mouth for those parts my soul separated from my body (especially when combined with the visuals in the mv... yeah). He killed me and sent me straight to heaven.

Someone said the mv is delicious. I can’t describe it better. The scenes, the coloring, the outfits, everything is so gorgeous. THE BALLERINAS????  He did that for me 😭😭😭 And the concept/plot!! Spy/scammer X-Kai? I’m 100% here for it. That ending too... I gasped. The whole thing is just kpop perfection, everything I could have wanted. 

(Okay, I take that back, I was hoping to see him do a few ballet moves, but maybe that will come with Film: Kai 2. And being a former ballet dancer I know how difficult that would be to train for, so I won’t be too disappointed if not... but still, just imagine 🥺)

I’ve been listening to the album over and over since it dropped and I’m loving it more and more every time. It’s impossible for me to pick a favorite yet, so I’ll just go through the rest of the songs in album order:

Black Mirror: Okay so I wasn’t sure about this one from the teaser—yeah that beat is absolute fire, but I’m definitely more of an r&b and pop fan than hip-hop and rap, and I wasn’t sure if it would be my vibe or not. I needn’t have worried. It’s incredible omg. So well-crafted from start to finish. His voice is mesmerizing, whether rapping or singing. The second verse where the vocal layering comes in? I’m ascending once again. Every time I listen I have to stop what I’m doing and just let myself be swept away. This song is a transcendental experience. 

Slidin’: Speaking of transcendental experiences, this one takes the cake. That hypnotizing arpeggio behind his even more hypnotizing voice? Ugh it’s so good I can’t handle it. Also those lyrics... yeah 🥵 I saw someone say this is Kai’s Baekhyun Drown moment. Anyway the whole song is heavenly, but the last 35 seconds? Not only did I ascend, I felt like I was being serenaded by a chorus of angels. This song may be my favorite on the album. 

Bomba: Maybe I’m missing something or maybe it’s because I don’t really listen to reggaeton, but this song isn’t my favorite. I still like it, and jam out whenever it comes on, but I’m relieved it didn’t end up being the title. Rover just feels so much more complex. I do love his glorious vocals in the bridge. Time will tell if it’ll be the type of song that will grow on me a ton or if I’ll end up skipping it sometimes, but regardless, I am SO excited to see him perform this, it’s going to be fire.

Say You Love Me: Oh this song FUCKS. No other way to say it. Gorgeous, haunting, captivating. Every time I listen to it I fall into its charms more deeply. What a mood. His voice!! I could see this one eventually becoming my favorite, it’s a close contender for the top spot.

Sinner: This is the one I thought from the teasers would be my favorite, and indeed, it’s also a top contender. The first time I heard it in full I wasn’t sure about it; the different way he sings it and the relatively simple melody took a minute to get used to, but by the second or third listen I was completely seeing the vision. The emotion in his voice, or is it deadness? The feeling of defeat? It hits hard. And I absolute love the way each chorus changes, morphs into something different and new, each repetition telling its own story, changing the tone of the words, capped off by the magnificent, soaring final chorus. So beautiful.

All in all I’m so so happy, I can’t believe he’s done it again. So proud of all Jongin’s hard work. You can tell he spent so much time pouring over these songs, tweaking everything to be just how he wanted, adding so many layers and so much depth. I imagine this will be like his first album for me — no matter how many times I listen, I will hear something new. Currently nothing can beat his first album overall for me, that is quite possibly my favorite album of all time, but this one... it’s more than a worthy sequel, it stands on its own along with Peaches and I think it’s truly another masterpiece. So proud of Jongin, my heart is full ❤️

[itsallhoney]

When I saw Tommy Lefroy live last month they talked about writing their first EP during lockdown, which makes sense but I hadn’t really made the connection before.

Vampires was never my favorite song because I have an irrational hatred of LA, and I had always been too busy rolling my eyes at the line before to hear the lines I put in this edit. But the day after the concert I found myself listening to this song on repeat and I really heard these lines for the first time and realized how literal they are.

I was living on the west coast in 2020 and it was entirely on fire in August. I was working at a cafe at the time. I had started working there as a favor to an ex-boss. It was owned by her friend and they had just had someone quit (or was fired) and they needed someone to help on the floor. I had just started a new job but I was told it would just be a few weeks while they interviewed people for the position. They never filled the position, which isn’t important to this story but I thought I would mention it since I’m already complaining.

Anyway the owner refused to close the restaurant for even a single day during all of this. Not even when a fire had started in a neighboring city (15 miles away from the cafe). Different parts of my city were being evacuated because they were at high risk of the fire spreading, my family had an evacuation plan in place. I had a bag packed and sitting in my mom’s car at her house, despite not living with her, it stayed in there for months.

I went to work because I was expected to be there. Me and my coworker spent the whole day watching the fire and evacuation maps. The cafe was in a level two evacuation by noon that day, meaning we needed to be ready to evacuate at a moment’s notice. The level three zone (get out right now) was only a few miles away and got as close as 1 mile before I broke down and left. My family was on the other side of town, across a river from me and I knew if we got evacuated that I might not even be able to get to them. The owner didn’t care about our safety, she only cared about sales. The only thing she did to keep us “safe” was bring out some N-95 masks for us to wear (the only time she did that during the whole pandemic) because the air quality was so bad in the area.

I’ve had a lot of intrusive thoughts about fire over the past year, which honestly confused me because I didn’t remember being afraid of fire when I was younger. But listening to this song reminded me of just how bad those 2020 fires were. I had a clear vision in my head of these lyrics over a picture from the fires, (a different picture that I remember seeing in some article at the time) I wanted to collage it, I still do, but I just needed to get the image out of my head first so I made this.

It’s really comforting to hear these words, because no matter how terrifying it was at the time I did survive it. It also just makes me feel a lot closer to the band to know that we were experiencing the same thing at the same time.

Happy Tommy Lefroy day! The Rivals EP is out now and is very good.

don't worry if he never calls, there's worse, we've survived

Vampires | Tommy Lefroy