#junkie ramblings | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

heroin-antiheroine · 2 years ago

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hi i am alive. i don’t go on here much. the 26th january marked 6 years as a heroin addict. i didn’t do anything different, time just passes. i think about change a lot lately. i love my routines but doing gear...god it’s so boring. it takes up a very small place in my life. i have other hobbies & interests. most people i interact with have no idea i’m an addict. ofc all my closest friends are also h addicts, which makes it hard to quit. one of my dear friends is going to prison soon. he doesn’t deserve it imo, the whole situation’s fucked.

the boredom of gear contrasts with the fear of scoring. i hate it so damn much. it was definitely an influence on my taper. i still microdose gear so i rarely have to score, but even once or twice a month is terrifying. i don’t want to go to dodgy places after dark & stand around in some area with no one around me. i often worry about what could happen. would it be worth it? hell no. ofc it wouldn’t. what an absolutely stupid reason to be hurt.

i want to quit & move on. i’m almost 29. i’ve been doing this since i was 22. it’s bizarre. i kinda feel like i pissed away my 20s. but life isn’t over. there’s all this pressure to “be something” before you’re 30. have a house, relationship, kids etc. lots of people have that, sure, but plenty of people don’t. i have experiences that rare few people have. thinking you’re wasting your life just leads to self hatred. we have nothing to gain from hating ourselves.

despite all of this inner mess, i’m still bringing happiness to ppl’s lives in a small way. through art & poetry, open mics & conversations, events & fun things. i’ve applied for a few jobs lately. there are things i can do despite this. it’s not all over. i just need to take one step to begin

ofc that one step is pretty massive haha

#junkie ramblings #would be nice to change this tag #i am a junkie obv but i rly don't identify with that word anymore #this was actually a pretty positive update #man i rly need therapy tho. miss having it so much #also idk why ppl message me asking if i know where to score in american states #sorry i'm not american lol #idk if ppl will see these tags but still

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butterflyriley11 · 11 days ago

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I want to be c0ke skinny 😩

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f4t-tr4nny · 4 months ago

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give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs give me drugs

#No money and no dealer 😐😐 fuck my life #tw drugs #druggie #drug junkie #substance addiction #substance abuse #dr0gs #drugs cw #drugs mention #substances #shitty rambles

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lilacwriter07 · 7 months ago

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Applecore headcanon

While Lilith is dominate in the relationship, it's Eve who is actually sadistic under all the sweet character .

Lilith loves teasing and bullying her lovers to the point they cry, but Eve when she gets her turn . Well it takes hours before their brain works again, and their body just heals back right .

Adam despite his bratty attitude is actually quite submissive, if you know to push the right buttons . He does get panic attacks of being gagged, so they won't gag him (they love his voice too much)

Lucifer has a scent kink which .. Is sometimes intresting as he ate Lilith or Eve, he keeps smelling them getting lost in their scent . And then forgot to do what he is suppose to do (Eve even had him fall asleep, because he was so comfortable)

Adam has harder time shaking Lucifer off, grabbing him by his tits as Lucifer hangs on his back . Sniffing his neck humping his back, making Adam's shirt dirty (his fave shirt ruined ;-;) or the fact he just lifts Adam's arm up and sniff his armpits, like a drug addict saying "good stuff alright back to work"

#Applecore #just me rambling #Lucifer has a scent kink #he is more of an Adam junkie bc he sweats much more

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sweetpea-sprite · 1 month ago

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i've been thinking about oliver a lot today. i think something people forget about him is that he likes the feeling of adrenaline

#rambles #like i'm not saying he's an adrenaline junkie but that's also kind of what i'm saying #will probably rb this with examples one sec

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steelthroat · 12 days ago

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Girl: "hey do you have a lighter?"

Me: "no sorry I don't smoke"

Girl: "You??? With that face? You look like someone who smokes joints, lmao."

Uh... ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

#steel rambles #I do have a lighter tho #it's for emergencies and my candles #but damn it's like the third time someone says i “look” like a smoker????#and i mean this time they were kidn enough with their wording because once i was told “you have the face of a junkie”#which uh #idk #didn't sound like a compliment #gender: assigned smoker by peers i guess

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tedzyrotten · 13 days ago

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sid being slipknot’s puppy/footstool/table/general punching bag in the late 90s and early 2000s will forever be the hottest thing ever idc idc

#guyphantom ramblings #slipknot #sid wilson #sorry for thirstposting i just needed to get this out of my system #disgusting feral junkie who gets used like a ragdoll ughhhshdhshhfhwf

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anaxietyyy · 3 months ago

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Tfw your bf found out about your drug addiction and he stays over for the night (I explained everything to him, he is ""okay""/understanding (as in sorta okay with it while concerned and trying to get me off them) of pills but draws the line at snorting so I have to do sneaky lines while he's in the other room occupied w/ something..

Just took a few big lines of morphine, it's the only way I can avoid getting sick and literally sleep. Starting to feel it now, finally.

I feel guilty, but I literally can't stop at this point without some sort of rehab since opiates are so fucking delicious and such a huge part of my life, they're all I think about non-stop and I physically don't know how to stop. I can't imagine a life without them. But neither can I without my boyfriend, my rock and one of my only reasons to stay here on earth. I'm not ready to quit while I'm at my lowest in life rn, but I also don't wanna lose him eventually. Dilemmas, dilemmas...

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ganjamonster11 · 2 months ago

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Hey wow A dollar just appeared in my hand and it’s a real one too How Convenient and awesome

#ALRIGHT it’s about time I Talk About Dem #so uh #hrm. hm #chris wyatt and trent chambers are two FICTIONAL nineteen year olds who committed suicide together after murdering their highschool bullies #trent had cotards syndrome and was objectum to his gun ghostfire who he cherished & believed she’d like.take him to heaven.his saving grace #chris took a lot of anger out on himself and had dermatophagia..he got called sissy chrissy😢sissied chrissies #trent lived with his junkie mom and spent a lot of time at chris’s house.regularly hit on chris’s mom. made things uncomfortable at dinner #they threw stones at birds and stray alley cats together & bullied little kids on their block they were dicks #they had made a suicide pact at i think 15??maybe.i think. probably.#chris ended up backing out at the last moment though like the literalday of the murder which resulted in trent having to shoot chris himsel #theyresupposed to be kind of edgelord type guys and are partially satire #i do have to specify THEY AREN’T IN ANY WAY TCC OCS..i cannoteven express to you how much i despise the tcc #they’re just morally bad irredeemable characters that doesn’t mean they’re school shooters or nazis or someshit #ok whatever #lalalala #Hey Hold on this isn’t a real dollar #answering asks #chapstick #trent chambers #chris wyatt #rambles #grambles

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foodlesoodlesdoodles · 7 months ago

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A dog raised in the fighting ring never knows when to learn when it’s Down.

#Getting to see Joanie’s end before her beginning is entirely fucked up of my I gotta admit #MOTHER MOTHER MENTION #art #oc #jjba #jjba oc #pillarman oc #my art #jojos bizarre adventure #just to preface yeah she’s an adrenaline junkie and a daredevil and it IS her undoing #yeah I kinda gave up on the last panel but look at the PREV ONE THOUGH #me when I finally remember my dads Hamon technique rambling

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chaosduckies · 6 months ago

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Would you rather be four inches tall, or 50 feet tall? And why?

Oooo easy answer

Four inches tall obviously. Mostly because I’m already short in real life, but also because like, could you imagine a four inch tall gremlin just throwing herself at dangerous situations?

Oh you put me on top of a counter? Im just gonna try and climb back down on my own without any sort of rope or safety equipment. I LIVE for the adrenaline rush.

I guess I would also love for someone to hug me close or help me stay asleep by holding me or something since I have really bad insomnia. I’m just one of those people who likes being hugged. I would pretty much be like a therapist tiny as well. You need something to hold? I got you. (Or you got me :D)

Just so you know, if I’m four inches tall and you’re the person I’m hanging out with, expect to have some heart attacks and good times :D

Thank you for the ask anon!

#g/t #Duck asks #thank you for the ask anon!#But yeahhh four inches is my answer #I’m just a little adrenaline junkie #Even my real life friends are scared that I might hurt myself badly #And I’m not even four inches #Ahhh #i just wish it could come true #I would give so many people heart attacks #Then again it would be so funny #The NEED to be held close is just aghhh #At four inches tall I could do all of that hahaa #Little bit of a ramble #But thank you for the ask again!#love you guys ❤️

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zoya-withthepoodlesalready · 1 year ago

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Watching this tonight with my sister who's never seen the show before... I almost forgot how absolutely magical this scene was. Lorelai is DROP DEAD GORGEOUS and Luke is FINE AS EVER and they are dancing so hesitant and soft- you can tell just how in love they are and how they've just about realized it in the way they look at each other 😭 they are the loves of my life and my roman empire and my everything, i will never stop talking about this episode and reflecting light playing in the background and bringing it back for their wedding.... I had an absolutely horrible day today and this just calmed me, don't let anyone ever tell you characters can't make you feel better.

#lol sorry for rambling but i can do it like the best of em #luke x lorelai #java junkie #gilmore girls #lorelai gilmore #luke danes #my roman empire #you are in love-coded #i would like to personally thank lauren graham for this #also this is my all time fav of lorelais outfits #i dream of that pink dress

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age-of-moonknight · 8 months ago

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