#junes sobbing over you guys

[abbyslev]

its gonna be ok *kisses ur pretty forehead*

[zombvic]

KISSES TO MY EXES (joão félix x reader)

summary : in which y/n & joão soft launch their relationship as a response to their exes dating rumors

face claim : alexandra saint mleux (shes so gorgeous brooo)

notes : this idea came to me in a vision tbh like its so stupid im actually crying but hope you enjoy it. also no hate to magui shes so fine n stuff js her personality is irking me out xx

pairings : joão félix x ex!norris!reader , smau

It's safe to say both of them were screwed over by the two people who were now rumored to be dating.

Y/N L/N became a prominent figure in the sports industry even before she started dating the McLaren driver. She gained recognition in the Formula One community as Lando Norris's girlfriend. However, after their breakup, she became known as the one who was dumped by Lando Norris—in a good way, though.

She used the publicity of being dumped to her advantage. Instead of sobbing over the breakup initiated by Lando, she became the best version of herself.

João Félix, on the other hand, took his "breakup" as a challenge. A challenge to see how many times he could get fucked over by the same girl. The Portuguese actress and model, Magui Corceiro, was like meth to him. He couldn't stop going back to her; he didn't even try to stop himself. People say that "third time's the charm." Well, for João, it was the fourth. After she fucked him over for the fourth time, he decided he was going to start his villain arc (breaking up with her).

João's transfer to Barcelona came with much more than just a new club and a new country to discover; it also brought a new relationship.

The two had bonded over their recent relationship endings and on a personal level, they were a match. As months went by, their bond grew until it turned into an actual relationship. As of June 2024, they had been together for about five months, agreeing to keep it low-key. However, the moment they saw their exes link up they decided to reveal it piece by piece.

Liked by alliseeissainz, ynspookie & 85,725 others.

formulagossip uh, oh !! ex-wag / wag gossip here !! the ex-girlfriend of lando norris, y/n l/n, had attended a wimbledon match whilst her ex-boyfriend (lando) was there with his current girlfriend (?), magui corceiro. they havent interacted at all but neither of the three seem excited about meeting eachother here.

View all 247 comments.

user oh shit

user bro downgraded (personality wise)

user slamming my head against the wall

user lando when will you learn

- user both magui and lando r red flags ..

user wonder if shes gonna cheat on him too ..

user lando x magui seem very pr-like

user doesnt magui follow y/n on instagram

user their relationship seems fun..!

user not a smile in sight

- user y/n is mewing 🤫🧏

Liked by land0sgf, smoothoperator.com & 55,725 others.

formulagossip even more ex-wag gossip! it looks like the ex girlfriend of lando norris, y/n l/n, has arrived at the spanish grand prix. she lives in barcelona and is a long time formula one fan. she got invited by the ferrari f1 team to their garage 👀👀

View all 763 comments.

user are we about to witness a ynlando reunion .

user noooo y/n run outta there

user she looks so gorgeous.. landos loss

user why would she be there for lando, cmon guys be so fr

user her outfits always eat

user shes so fine guys helppppp

user L LANDOOOO

user poor lando, has to see whats he missing out on

user post break up glow !!!

- user more like new relationship glow .

Liked by yourusername, lecleaire & 43,384 others.

formulagossip wave of exes this weekend 👀 joão félix (portuguese fc barcelona player) also known as the ex-boyfriend of magui corceiro was spotted at the red bull garage.

user damnnnn

user guys i lowkey ship joao and y/n

user y/n, lando, joao but no magui..

- user lmaoooo literally we need her here to connect them

user y/n liked ??????????????

user WHY IS NO-ONE TALKING ABOUT Y/N LIKING THIS POST

user i get u y/n

user ooooh she likes barca players

user chat i need him

user f1 & barca.. my two worlds colliding

user a smell a new couple

- user if delusional was a person:

Liked by joaowow, barcafangirl69 & 25,856 others.

formulagossip y/n y/l, ex-girlfriend of lando norris liked our post regarding the portuguese fc barcelona player. the two have been following eachother for a few months and even spotted at some events together (via a fan who messaged to us!)

user 🚢🚢🚢

user chaaaaat i ship..

user the upgrade is wild

user i wouldnt be surprised if theyre dating tbh

- user they match eachothers vibe

user barca fangirl x barca player who ???

user ooooh i fear i like this

user girlie is gonna be the ultimate wag

Liked by joaofelix79, landonorris & 2,125,856 others.

yourusername hot summer nights

user joao AND lando in the likes !?!?!?!?!? thats craaazy

user magui caught shaking

user shes so lana coded

user this is so unfunny i need her like actually

- user joao on a second account is that you ??

francisca.cgomes beautiful !!

- yourusername says YOU

- user aint that maguis bestfriend ...

landonorris 😍

- user brother ..

Liked by joaoswifeyyy, yourusername & 1,055,682 others.

joaofelix79 summer 💆🏽‍♂️☀️

user this pic got me pregnant

user woof woof

user y/n liked !!

user not to be dramatic but i think i’m dead

user the kids miss you

user who took the picture ...

user those biceps ...... rawr

user magui missing ouuuuut

Liked by joaofelix79, landonorris & 3,001,885 others.

yourusername bit of this and that

francisca.cgomes #needthat

- yourusername #comengetit

- pierregasly what the fuck .

- pierregasly im telling your boyfriend

- yourusername fyi i read that in a french accent

- pierregasly much needed fyi .. thanks.

- yourusername what was that?? sorry i dont speak croissant

- user BOYFRIEND ?????

user mother is mothering

user wifey, are you cheating on me?

user who's that MAN.

user guys that's me please respect our privacy!!

user i think it's lando tbh..

- user get a grip

user dont ask me how i know this but those are definetly joaos hands

user the aestheticness is so visually pleasing xx

joaofelix79 posted a new story.

(translation : adorable)

Liked by stanloona123, francisca.cgomes & 103,685 others.

formulagossip former wag of lando norris, y/n y/l, is seemingly soft launching her relationship with the portuguese football player, joão félix. the two have been interacting both on and off social media for a while now and its not surprising theres possible romance going on !! y/n posted a picture of a pair of hands which match another picture of joaos hands. it also appears joao updated his instagram story with a picture of y/ns dog. what do you guys think?

user FINALLY . A HAPPY ENDING FOR THEM

user ahhhh thats so cute

user kika likeeeeeeed

user im so happy for them if theyre together

user ive been waiting for this moment

user beyond excited rn

user what the sigma im so happy

user ughhhhhh me when

user blud learned his lesson

Liked by ynsgirlfr1end, yourusername & 2,875,974 others.

joaofelix79 rio de janeiro🤍😍

user THATS Y/NS DOG

user he hay sports

user my mannnnnn

- user hey girlie...

user did y/n take that picture 👀 👀

user looking good

- user its the girlfriend effect

user WOOOF WOOF

user i wonder how y/n feels about the comments

Liked by joaofelix79, francisca.cgomes & 4,214,824 others.

yourusername cats out the bag n stuff

francisca.cgomes AAAAAAAH FINALLY

francisca.cgomes y/n is still mine tho .

- joaofelix79 nuh uh .. ????

- francisca.cgomes YUH UHHHHHH

- pierregasly bruhhh ☹️☹️

- yourusername sorry mr baguette man

user IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW

user aaaaaaaaaaaaaah cuties

user anyone notice magui & lando have been quiet for a while

user talk about an upgrade

user anyone else find it funny that kika (maguis supposed best friend) is congratulating y/n for dating joao (maguis ex)

- user and not even a like for magui & lando

user i love the dynamic between pierre, joao, y/n & kika

user fav couple tbh

chattttttttt this is sillyyyyy but yeah hope u liked it xx

[fryingpan1234567]

aaaaaanyways. pride month at Camp Half Blood?

if you remember that one post from a while ago (general hc’s about chb), I did say I would do a fully pride post eventually

so without further ado, I present to all my lovely gay demigods:

PRIDE MONTH AT CHB🗣️🗣️

SO we’ve already discussed the decorations of some of the cabins, like Percy putting rainbow hippocampi scales all over the walls, the Demeter and Persephone cabins growing colorful flowers all over their roofs, the Hecate cabin and its Sentient Gay Door

I like to think the Iris cabin is just fully blasting rainbows all the time it looks like a Minecraft beacon

they play capture the flag every June with a pride flag that has the CHB logo on it

limited edition CHB pride merch😭

Mr. D defending trans campers by driving bigots slightly insane long enough to slap themselves and then go back to normal

Y’ALL KNOW ABOUT THE PRONOUN CORRECTION AIR HORNS? THAT’S THE ENTIRE APOLLO CABIN + LEO AND PERCY

Some ignorant prick about a transmasc camper: “Oh yeah she—“

Percy: *AIR HORN* “IT’S HE, BITCH”

Ignorant prick: “Okay Jesus I’m sorry”

A different ignorant prick: *makes some dumb joke about “always being able to tell” and receives at least seven different air horns from all the Apollo campers in the vicinity*

Leo’s been following this one really irritating chick around all day because she can’t figure out one of his sibling’s genders and blasting her in the face every time she fucks up their pronouns😭😭😭

anyways yeah I like to imagine there’s a demigod pride festival somewhere, maybe in New York

or no there’s demigods everywhere I bet they have parade floats all the time in lots of cities and the Mist conceals the “fireworks” which are actually just godly light shows

Apollo rocks up to camp in a rainbow crop top and a pink drink from Starbucks just to sing Born This Way in the middle of the day and then dip again

Aphrodite blessing random queer couples with finding perfect date setups “conveniently” in their paths

all the gods physically restraining Hera when she tries to go fuck with Jason while he’s on a date w Leo

Percy and Annabeth in matching shirts that say ✨BEST BI✨ with the Best Buy price tag logo in the middle

Nico got glitterbombed on June 1st the second he stepped out of his cabin by the entire Apollo cabin (and Jason) and is still finding sparkles in his hair a week later

Aphrodite kids are walking dictionaries of all the rainbow terms, somehow, and they also all know which days in June are for which awareness or pride or whatever flag

campers who transitioned over the school year and coming back to camp a different gender and their godly parent re-claims them as their true self

Percy “I can’t believe I used to think I was straight” Jackson educating some of the younger campers on bisexuality and how, no, you don’t always know right away

Annabeth “I had a crush on Thalia and Luke at the same time and it was horrible” Chase always reassuring the nervous kids that there’s nothing wrong with being queer (and that she’ll fight any homophobic family members they may have)

actually they kind of all do that

Some little kid: “Well……. I don’t wanna tell my stepdad, he might kick me out”

Percy, remembering that his dad kept Medusa’s head after it got sent to Olympus: “Give me your address, I have an idea”

Piper will verbally eviscerate anybody she catches being even remotely homophobic. I mean she will swipe phones out of her siblings’ hands to tell off some ignorant grandmother

Jason does NOT get into physical altercations outside of sparring and literal war, but the closest he ever got was after hearing someone call Nico a slur (Percy and Leo had to physically drag him away from the other guy)

William Solace has white cowboy boots. I Will Start Sobbing On The Spot

Percy and Jason wore matching skirts for the pride festival and it was great— these 6-foot-plus brick shithouses of heroes who have single-handedly won wars aggressively waving tiny pride flags at each other and dancing to IT GIRL on the quad

Cecil and Lou Ellen made these magic rainbow smoke bombs, crawled up on the roof of the Hermes cabin, and slingshotted them into the masses Just Because™️

(Will’s hair was blue and pink for weeks)

RAINBOW WAR PAINT FOR CAPTURE THE FLAG.

Clarisse fucking kicked someone into the lake because they made fun of one of her siblings’ dyed hair

Connor thought it would be funny to leave a mini pan flag on top of Mr. D’s Diet Coke stash, mostly as a harmless joke, but the next day he noticed Mr. D had tucked it into his horrible Hawaiian shirt pocket like a handkerchief😭

watching Love, Simon in the amphitheater for movie night and half the campers had to excuse themselves early for sobbing too hard

Malcolm and Annabeth reread Red White and Royal Blue every summer. They say they’re Henry and June, Connor is Alex, and Percy is Nora

(this is confirmed when the two of them start a foot fight in the dining pavilion with a Chipotle burrito)

Leo IMing Jo and Emmie to wish them a happy pride (and tell Georgina and Waystation I said hello)

Piper and Leo getting into a HEATED debate about whether Velma Dinkley is a lesbian or not

”YOU CANNOT LOOK AT HER OVERSIZED-SWEATER-OVER-MY-PROM-DRESS ASS AND TELL ME YOU THINK SHE’S TOTALLY STRAIGHT—“

”WHAT SHE AND SHAGGY HAD WAS REAL, BEAUTY QUEEN! HOT DOG WATER AIN’T GOT NOTHIN ON NORVILLE ROGERS—“

”LEO! HER NAME IS MARCIE! AND THEY ARE EACH OTHER’S W A L L P A P E R S .”

Jason, sitting in the middle of them, now deaf in both ears: Lupa give me strength

GUYS PLEASE SEND ME SPECIFIC SHIPS OR CHARACTERS TO WRITE PRIDE HC’S FOR I WOULD LOVE TO🙏🙏🙏🙏

[zjpg]

surprise

summary you grew up super close to the sargeant family, so by nature, you and logan are practically siblings. this leads to you attending his races and meeting some of his friends. like oscar piastri... (smau)

pairing oscar piastri x american!vlogger!fem!reader

a/n loosely based off one of my dr's (i hope it doesn't come off as rushed 🫣)

[may]

yourusername posted!

liked by alex_albon and 302,494 others

yourusername oh how i love being home. miami vlog coming soooon🏝 (logie -> p4🫶🏻) -> tagged: f1, logansargeant, alex_albon, williamsracing, f1mia, lilymhe

view all 3,484 comments

logansargeant stop calling me logie. -> yourusername stop being named logan.

user1 i love their friendship -> user2 they grew up together right??? -> user1 yes, their moms are best friends since high school i think

user4 yn are you going to college? -> yourusername i'm taking online courses in journalism for right now 😁

lilymhe still upset we didn't get any good pics together😒 -> yourusername tell me about it😔

alex_albon your mum is so sweet, i see where you get it from -> logansargeant don't let them fool you, yn tried drowning me last summer. -> yourusername you called my dog ugly.

user5 miami is so pretty

oscarpiastri posted!

liked by pierregasly and 1,493,854 others

oscarpiastri miami miami miami #P6 -> tagged: f1mia, mclaren

view all 5,393 comments

user1 who are you hugging there oscar😉 -> user2 could be a fan or one of his sisters -> user3 were his sister there??? -> user2 idk maybe??

logansargeant merica -> oscarpiastri 🇺🇸🦅🤠

landonorris you did good🫡 -> oscarpiastri thanks mate! you too

user4 that looks like the top yn was wearing 🫣 -> user5 who's yn? -> user6 she's a travel vlogger and logans childhood best friend she's been to the last couple races so far this season -> user7 it wouldn't really be weird if it was yn, she's probably known oscar just as long as logan

f1mia we love to see the papaya 🧡

[june]

yourusername just posted!

liked by oscarpiastri and 495,932 others

yourusername barcelona treated me well... logan on the other hand... -> tagged: circuitdebcncat, logansargeant, f1, oscarpiastri

view all 3,585 comments

oscarpiastri i made it to the photo-dump😎 -> yourusername when are you gonna make it to podium?? -> user1 FOUL

logansargeant do you like hurting my feelings? -> yourusername you ate all my chips. -> landonorris you mean crisps?? -> yourusername no brits allowed.

user2 yn woke up and chose VIOLENCE -> lilymhe she's grumpy...

user3 so we're gonna ignore the last pic or.... -> user4 i was thinking the same cause whoooo toookkkk itttt

oscarpiastri just posted!

liked by logansargeant and 2,493,675 others

oscarpiastri happy birthday to my girl -> tagged: yourusername

view all 10,439 comments

yourusername thank you my love🧡 -> oscarpiastri 🫶🏻🧡

logansargeant i didn't think you were announcing today- -> oscarpiastri it's her birthday, i had to.

user1 I KNEW IT

landonorris what's up with you and americans mate? (you guys are cute) -> oscarpiastri look at her. -> user2 'look at her' SOBBING -> yourusername yeah same🥹

user3 this is the best thing i've seen all day.

user4 we're all stupid.

user5 the paddock is gonna be interesting, who is she gonna be there for??😭 -> oscarpiastri she'll be in papaya -> logansargeant over my dead body.

user6 how did no one see this 😭

yourusername just posted!

liked by logansargeant and 1,494,757 others

yourusername SURPRISE! my boy got podium!!!!! i'm so proud of you!!!!! (best b-day ever🥲) #81 #P3 -> tagged: oscarpiastri, mclaren

view all 10,494 comments

oscarpiastri i love you -> yourusername i love you more

logansargeant not celebrating my p4😒 -> yourusername get podium then we'll talk :)

user1 i love them so much already😭😭😭😭

user2 watching him run right to made my heart explode😭

user3 such a good race omg

landonorris yeehaw🤠 -> yourusername what did i say about brits. -> landonorris you let alex on here -> yourusername his gf is my bsf. -> landonorris YOUR BF IS MY BSF?!?! -> yourusername shhh

user4 lando and yn 😭😭

lilymhe you guys are so cute stoppp -> yourusername ily 🫶🏻

mclaren our favorite couple ;)

taglist: @formulola @sinofwriting @hs-is-loml @enhacolor @mrosales16

[matchingbatbites]

just guy stuff

@steddiemicrofic || June prompt: Stuff || Word count: 483 || Rating: E || CW: Cheating (Steve and Eddie are both married and having an affair behind their wives backs)

“The - fuck - the girls will be back soon,” Steve gasps, his hands clawing at Eddie's shoulders as the man fucks into him, over and over.

Eddie grunts and places a wet, sucking kiss to Steve's jaw, so gentle compared to the way his hips snap against Steve's ass, every thrust pushing them up the couch a bit more.

Eddie had been a wild card in Steve's life, a sudden source of passion when he needed it most. 

The thing is, Steve's never loved his wife the way he's supposed to. He loved the idea of being married, loved the approval of his parents when he proposed to Jenny, and he knows that she loves him.

He just can't seem to love her back.

It's been four years of putting on a facade. Four years before the dinner party for Jenny's colleagues, before meeting Cait and Eddie, and fuck. The man was everything Steve's ever dreamed of - edgy and cocky and so fucking hot. 

He saw through Steve's charade in an instant and pulled him apart with nothing but his hands and words, the two of them locked in the master bathroom under the excuse of showing Eddie his hair products. 

(“He could use a little help in that area,” Cait had teased, and Steve had resisted the urge to run up the stairs.)

It's been easier to hide the affair than Steve expected, the two women seemingly happy to leave their husbands alone while they go out to brunch or shopping or something similar. What's been hard is watching Eddie leave afterwards, seeing his hand settle on the small of Cait’s back and hating that it's not touching him.

Right now, at least, Eddie's hands clutch at Steve's waist like he never intends to let go, fingers digging in so hard that Steve is worried about him leaving behind bruises - God, Steve wants Eddie to bruise him, to mark him up.

“Can't wait for that fucking conference,” Eddie mutters into Steve's skin as his hips slow into a heavy grind. “Gonna take my time with you while they're gone, baby, spread you out and play with your beautiful body until you're crying for me. Wanna take you apart and put you back together piece by piece, lovely.”

Steve wants that so bad he almost sobs, and he barely gets out a “Gonna come, Eddie, please-”

By the time their wives stumble through the front door, giggly and relaxed from overpriced mimosas, Steve and Eddie have cleaned up and settled back into their perfect pretense of camaraderie.

“Hi honey,” Jenny says as she moves over and plants a sticky kiss on Steve's cheek. “What have you boys been up to today?”

Steve shrugs and looks over at Eddie, who repeats the motion with an easy smile. “Just guy stuff,” he says, and Steve nods in agreement.

“Yeah, just guy stuff.”

[jadeylovesmarvelxo]

Hi, I started reading your stories and I love the, could I please request a modern!slightly older!Eddie x neighbour!reader? He can tell she always excited when texting on her phone, one day as he comes home, she comes out all dressed up for a date but later he finds out reader was ghosted and comforts her? Maybe smut? Maybe reader gets bruises/hickeys easily?

Fluff, jealous Eddie. Mdni. 18+blog.

Request by anon 💞

🫶🥰

Eddie always noticed you. You were his next door neighbour, always friendly to him and he enjoyed talking to you. As well as being sweet, you were also funny and had a dry sarcastic wit that he was instantly taken with.

On a sunny day in June, he was returning from his shift as the local mechanic in the auto repair shop in town. As per usual you were sitting outside and basking in the sunshine, however every couple of minutes you would look at your phone and smile dreamily.

Come to think of it, Eddie had noticed that you were always texting and smiling secretly to yourself the last few days. He was curious at what was causing you to be so smiley and giddy.

He stops to chat for a bit and still feels that tug of wonder when you continue to text this unknown person with the biggest grin on your face. It was stupid but it made Eddie pouty, he was used to making you smile like that.

It didn't take very long for him to find out the roof of your giddiness. After work the next day, he stopped by the store and got a six pack of beer and figured he would ask you to join him for a drink.

Only when he got home you were locking up and he almost swallowed his tongue as he saw that you were dressed to the nines, wearing a dress that highlighted every inch of your body.

You smile at Eddie and grow flustered at the stunned look on his face, "You look amazing princess" he manages to say and your expression brightens in delight.

"Thanks, I have a date". Suddenly the images of you texting, the giddiness and almost shy way you would stare at your phone all made sense, the pieces clicked into place as he realised you must have texting the lucky dude or girl.

"His name is Andrew, I met him at work and we've been talking for a few weeks" Eddie listens to this and feels the swell of jealousy stir in his veins. Andrew was one lucky dude.

"Have fun, any funny business happens then you call me, okay?" He knows he's being protective but he likes you and doesn't want anything sinister happening to you.

You nod and kiss his cheek then hurry over to your car, Eddie watches you go, his cheeks burn with the imprint of your lips on his cheek.

...

Sullen Eddie settles down for a quiet night but is surprised when an hour later he hears the screech of your tires. He peers out the window and watches you get out, slam the door and head into your house.

Fuck, the guy must have been a dick. Making a split second decision, he decides to go and check on you. Anger burns in his veins at the thought of Andrew getting you upset.

He gently knocks on your door and you answer it, there's a trace of tears on your cheeks and Eddie fumes. "What did the fucker do?" he growls, you wipe your eyes and gesture for Eddie to come in.

"He didn't even show Eddie, I waited for like twenty minutes and texted him but he completely ghosted me" Not only was this guy an idiot but he was a stupid one at that.

Your tears tug at Eddie's heart and he pulls you into a hug. You snuggle close to him and lay your head on his chest.

"He's an asshole princess. If I ever run into him I'll kick his ass for making you cry" your sobs quieten and you let out an unmistakable giggle.

"If you let me take you on a date then believe me you would have the time of your life sweetheart" Eddie stiffens as he realises what he said, he can't take it back and honestly he doesn't want to take it back.

You smile impishly and the look on your face takes Eddie's breath away. "Then maybe you should take me on that date Munson, if you're so sure or yourself"

Like magnets you move even closer to each other and Eddie kisses you, feels heat rush through his body as you begin to kiss him back.

He kisses you passionately, moves to your neck and leaves love bites on your skin, then he stops and you make a little whimper of annoyance, glare at him. He trails a finger over the little bites that are blooming on your skin.

"Sorry princess but wooing first before the rest of the good stuff" he promises and you brighten at this.

"Alright Munson, colour me intrigued" Eddie makes a wow then to do his best to woo and make you happy.

Maybe he could sneak a few kisses before then though... 🤭

❤️🫶

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Chapter 12- I Love You. I Know.

Summary: As the end of October approaches, you and Javi learn more about celebrating Halloween and Dia De Los Muertos together. After a sleepless night, and a Halloween party at the Murphy's, Javi begins to open up to you about his past.

Word Count: 15.6K (I'm sweating)

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (don't be silly, wrap your willy), oral (m receiving), vaginal fingering, creampie, praise kink, semi-public sex (Oh the poor Murphy's...), PTSD/Anxiety around grief, loss and Javi's past, some angst/tension, mentions of drinking/being drunk (Steve is getting PLASTERED), mentions of food/eating, SO MANY STAR WARS REFERENCES, literally this chapter made me sob while I was writing it, editing it, and re-reading it, I am SO sorry

A/N: You guys. Holy shit. This chapter really had me in my feels. This chapter was def a labor of love, but I'm really happy with how it turned out!! Thank you for as always for all you kind words, you truly, truly, TRULY have no idea how much your support means to me ���💖 Also please don't kill me after you finish reading this chapter I PROMISE *things* are happening so soon I can literally taste it, but I needed for this chapter to happen first, and you would be silly to think that *things* didn't get its own whole ass chapter and I am just as excited as you AH

Series Masterlist Next Chapter Previous Chapter

The excitement of October’s conclusion was in the air, and the joys of getting to celebrate what you hoped would be the first of many holidays with Javi was at the forefront of your mind. While the end of summer meant school was here and your carefree days were gone until next June, October meant it was time for one of your favorite holidays- Halloween. It was one of your most cherished things to celebrate as a kid, and even still as an adult. The memories of jumping into leaf piles off your swingset with your brothers, dressing up in goofy, homemade costumes to trick-or-treat (because your mom was not about to buy 4 new sets of costumes every single year), carving pumpkins, and stealing as many of your brother’s Kit Kat bars as you could without getting caught, filled your heart with a warmth and joy that you couldn’t quite describe. While the 80 degree temperatures and lack of bright reds and yellows painted across the leaves falling from their trees was much different from the Chicago Octobers you were accustomed to, it hadn’t stopped you from heading full steam into Halloween. 

“So do you have any thoughts on what we should be for Steve and Connie’s? I have no problem going out to buy stuff for costumes, but I can already hear my mom yelling at me for wasting my money on cheaply made clothes I’m gonna wear for 5 hours when I have something perfectly good in my closet.” You rolled your eyes as you shuffled through the hangers, Javi sitting on the edge of your bed folding the laundry you were working on putting away. 

The two of you had gladly accepted the invitation from Steve and Connie to spend the weekend with them in San Antonio, as the Murphy’s planned to host a Halloween party at their house for their friends and co-workers, giving you and Javi a chance to have a fun weekend out of town together. 

“Hmmmm?” He asked, looking up at you as you grabbed a few shirts, examining them for costume potential. “We’re dressing up for this thing?” 

“Yeah, that’s like, the whole point of Halloween, dummy.” You giggled, throwing a few options on the floor before making your way over to your pants. “Didn’t you dress up as a kid for Halloween?” 

Unlike yourself, Javi had spent his whole life celebrating Día de los Muertos, Halloween having nowhere near as much relevance to him as it did to you, spending the end of October and first days of November gathering with his family to spend the day making Pan de Muerto (Day of the Dead sweet bread),  watching the parades on the streets of Downtown Laredo before visiting the cemetery where his grandparents were buried, decorating their graves in cempasúchil (marigold flowers), candles and photographs with his primos (cousins). Since his mom had passed, Javi hadn’t been home to celebrate with his family, and had almost forgone the tradition completely during his time in Colombia, the pain and loss of his mother and the solemn sadness of celebrating alone leading him to try his best to forget about the holiday all together. 

“Uh, no, not, not really. Didn’t really do Halloween, isn’t really as much of a thing down here. My family always celebrated Día de Los Muertos instead.” He replied, almost embarrassed by his answer, not wanting to damper your excitement as you dug through your closet for costumes. 

Your heart sank to your stomach, feeling awful that you hadn’t even taken into consideration that Javi's traditions around this time of year were completely different from what you were used to. The two of you had never really talked about how you wanted to celebrate future holidays, and always had wanted to make sure that the important parts of your lives were celebrated equally. Javi hadn’t said anything after you had spent the past few days putting up Halloween decorations around your apartment, and now you felt like an idiot assuming he had spent his whole life celebrating just like you. 

“Oh… Shit. Javi, I’m so sorry, if you don’t wanna do costumes, we don’t have to, you just hadn’t said anything about Día de Los Muertos so I just assumed that-” 

“Baby, it’s okay.” He pushed himself up off the bed, the width of his broad palms wrapping around your hips, trying to ease the guilt he could tell was rapidly consuming you. “You’re right, I never told you about it. It’s been a long time since I’ve done anything to celebrate it, and I haven’t been home for it since I’ve gotten back from Colombia. I just- I don’t really know how to feel about it, I guess. The last time I did anything for it was before my mom died. I was never able to bring myself to do anything about it while I was gone, and I guess now I just feel really shitty that was the way I decided to handle it.” It broke your heart to see the pain in his eyes, pulling yourself closer to him as you wrapped your arms around his stomach, leaning your head against his chest. It was then, the realization had hit you too- This would be your first year of holidays without Patrick. You didn’t know as much as you would have liked to about Día de Los Muertos, but you did know that it was to celebrate the lives of loved ones you’d lost, a feeling that you and Javi were both all too familiar with. 

“Listen…” You raised your head, looking up at him, arms still intertwined around his waist. “I don’t- I don’t wanna make you do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. I guess this is the first time we’ve ever really talked about this kind of stuff. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you, Jav, and that means celebrating the things that are special to both of us. The things that are important to you are important to me too. I want our lives for us, for our future family, to be filled with all the things we care the most about, whether that means keeping old traditions or making our own new ones. It would mean a lot to me to get to celebrate Día de los Muertos with you, and if it’s okay, I would love to sprinkle in some Halloween too, because I’m fucking dying to carve a pumpkin.” 

You smiled up at him as his hand slid under your jaw, his thumb tracing across your cheek as he tried his best to hold back the tears welling in his eyes. It took everything in him to not ruin his plans, wanting to run into the bedroom, grab the ring out of his sock drawer and propose to you that very instant. Even after all this time, Javi still couldn't believe that he was the person you wanted to share the rest of your life with. That you wanted to intertwine your past, present, and future with his, to have a life, a family, together that the two of you could cherish forever. Never in a million years had he assumed he’d be anywhere close to where he was today, holding the world’s most beautiful, perfect woman in his arms, as she told him how she wanted nothing more than to build a family and spend the rest of her days with him. 

“Osita… I fucking love you so much, you know that?” He leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a soft and deep kiss, your heart racing as he pulled you in tighter. 

“Yeah, I mean, I guess, just a little bit…” You giggled, poking fun at him, considering not a day had passed since the first night he had said it that Javi hadn’t told you just how much he loved you. 

“Shut up, you dork.” He chuckled, making you squeal as he picked you up, playfully shaking you in his grasp before setting you back down. “I’d love nothing more, Hermosa. I don’t know how the fuck you’re supposed to carve a pumpkin or what the hell you have planned for these costumes, but I’m all in. I want it all with you, Osita. Thank you.” 

“Of course. For as much or as little as you want to do for Día de los Muertos, I’m all in too. I’m gonna be honest, I love Hallowen. Not as much as Christmas, but it’s a close second. It means you’re gonna have to trust me with a giant ass knife and cover yourself in pumpkin guts, though.”

“My trust is quickly starting to fade. Seriously though, what the hell are we supposed to dress up as?” He raised an eyebrow at you, nodding over to the pile of clothes you had pulled from your closet, now piled on the floor. 

“Don’t worry, I’ve got some ideas.” 

  The weeks leading up to the holidays had made for fun at home date nights, the both of you genuinely looking forward to learning about the traditions you had both held so dear to your hearts. Almost every night after work, you had done something to celebrate the events leading up to the day. You had shown Javi a few of your favorite Halloween movies, including It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown, Beetlejuice, and Ghostbusters, very adamantly insisting to him that those movies were about as scary as you were going to get, blaming your brothers for scarring you after forcing you to watch The Exorcist at the ripe age of 7 years old. In addition to the movies, you had told him about other funny Trick-Or-Treating stories from your childhood, Javi’s favorite being how your brothers, (being the ruthless idiots they were) paid one of their friends in all of their halloween candy to jump out of a bush dressed as a terrifying old lady to scare the absolute shit out of you, and making you quite literally pee your pants. In return Javi shared his favorite memories of cooking in the kitchen with his mom as she made Pan de Muertos for his family, the two of you even attempting to make it one of the nights after work, milling about the kitchen together as Javi told you about his family you had yet to meet, or had passed away long before you. 

After a lengthy hunt, you were able to find pumpkins, bringing them to Chucho’s house to carve them since you had nowhere to put them inside your apartment. You offered him the rest of your Pan de Muertos in exchange for a place to work on your pumpkins, and while he gladly accepted the bread, the three of you knew Chucho was always happy to have you and Javi over, regardless. 

“So tell me, mija,” Chucho spoke in between mouthfuls of sweet bread, rocking back and forth in his chair, “is there a meaning behind carving the pumpkins, or is it just for fun?” 

“Just for fun! Okay, it looks like we’re ready, you want me to show you how to do it, or just let you go for it?” You smiled at Javi, the two of you sitting cross legged on Chucho’s porch, pumpkins open in front of you. 

“You just scoop them out, right?” Javi questioned, looking into the pumpkin with an unsure grimace. “It seems like there's a lot in here, Osita. I have to get all of it out?” 

“Yeah, or else you can’t see the design when you carve it. C’mon you big baby, just stick your hand in there and pull the guts out!” You laughed, digging your hand into your pumpkin, scooping out hearty globs of pumpkin guts, slopping them into the bucket Chucho had set out for you. Reluctantly, Javi joined, you and Chucho both absolutely dying at Javi’s face as his hand met the squishy fibers inside his pumpkin. 

“Jesus, that feels fucking gross!” He laughed, shaking his head as he threw some of the seeds and strings into the trash next to him. 

“You need me to do it for you?” You giggled, flicking a pumpkin seed at him as he winced with the second handful he pulled out. 

“No, cabrón (asshole), I can do it.” Javi grumbled as he rolled his eyes at you, the both of you scooping hearty handfuls of goop. 

“You hear that, Chucho? Calling me an asshole because he’s too scared to pull out pumpkin guts.” You looked back at his dad, giving him a playful grin, his smile already wide from the enjoyment of watching the two of you. With your back turned to Javi, you hadn’t noticed the small handful of seeds he had collected in his hand, lining up his arm to aim right at the back of your head. “I can’t believe that- HEY!” You whipped your neck around, running your hand over the back of your neck, picking seeds and strings out of your hair, seeing Javi snicker to himself as your jaw dropped open in shock. “Did you seriously just throw pumpkin guts at me?!” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, must have been a ghost.” He shrugged, smirking to himself before digging his hand back into his pumpkin. 

“You see this?!” You looked back at Chucho, pointing your finger at Javi, pretending to be stern, although your laughter quickly escaped. “Absolutely ridiculous, I swear.” 

“Javier, that is no way to treat your future esposa! (Wife) No quiero mis nietos ser cubierto en calabaza! Me encantáran en cualquier caso, pero todavía! (I don’t want my future grandchildren covered in pumpkin! I will love them either way, but still!)” Chucho scolded with a smirk, you and Javi silently smiling to each other at the thought of one day doing this with your own children. Javi had tried to stop fighting off his dad’s comments about grandkids a while ago- Chucho knew just as well as the two of you that he would have his grandchildren soon enough. 

“Ella lo pído… (She asked for it…)” Javi muttered under his breath, shooting his gaze up at you as he felt cold goop hit the side of his cheek, wiping the pumpkin you had just thrown at him off with the back of his hand, watching you smirk silently to yourself as you continued to scoop out your pumpkin.

“Ahora… Estamos a mano. (And now… We’re even.)” 

The 3 of you chatted on the porch, the sky now painted a dark black, filled with twinkling constellations above as you finished carving your pumpkins. Yours, a cute ghost with a little smiley face, and Javi’s, what he had tried to convince you and Chucho was also a ghost, even though it looked more like he had just carved a squiggly hole in the middle of his. It took a little prodding and convincing, but as you all talked about how the Peña family had spent many a Día de los Muertos, you and Chucho were able to get Javi to agree to go visit his mom’s gravesite on the Sunday after you got back from Steve and Connie’s party. Chucho had even promised to keep his tias, tios, and primos (aunts, uncles, and cousins) completely out of the picture this year, wanting to give Javi all the time and space he needed to go see his mom for the first time since her funeral. He was reluctant at first, riddled with the guilt of leaving her unvisited all these years, but as he felt the gentle squeeze of your hand, your silent reassurance was all he needed to know that you would be by his side, every step of the way. As you said your goodbyes, Chucho hugged you just a little extra tighter than normal, as if to thank you for everything you had done for his son, and just how thankful he was to have you in his life, too. 

Even though the Murphy’s had very graciously offered to let you and Javi stay on Friday night as well as Saturday, both Steve and Connie very much understood when you had told them on the phone that the only thing that you wanted to do after coming home from the chaos of managing an elementary school Halloween party was take a very, very long nap. You and Javi had spent the night ordering pizza and watching Young Frankenstein, only lasting about 20 minutes into the movie before you were dead asleep, snoring against Javi’s chest, still dressed in If You Give A Mouse A Cookie costume from earlier today. Carrying you to bed and undressing you from your mouse ears and oversized overalls, Javi curled into bed next to you, pulling your body against his as he stared at the ceiling. Despite how hard he tried to fall asleep, he laid there, wide awake as ever, as his head raced with the tornado of thoughts brewing inside his brain. 

Javier Peña had never really considered himself to be an anxious person. For most of his life, he couldn’t be. For the sake of his job, the sake of his family after his Mom passed, Javi had survived the only way he had known how- Block it out, and ignore it. And so far, that strategy had seemed to bode for him pretty darn well. But that was before he had anyone who depended on him, cared about him, anyone who made his life worth living for. That was before he had met you. Now, Javi found himself at the crossroads of a moment he had been waiting for since the moment he had first laid eyes on you. Something that brought him absolute joy and sheer terror at the same time- Javier Peña was going to propose to you, and he was an anxious fucking mess. 

If that in itself wasn’t enough, things at the Laredo County Sheriff's Department had been an absolute shit show. Mexico was the only thing on anyone’s radar, making for long days and high tension at the office, trying to do anything to slow the spread of the cartel’s influence across the border. Day after day, report after report, it felt like the department was drowning in the endless shitty news of new death tolls, record breaking trafficking stats, and lack of control as cocaine moved across the Rio Grande at a groundbreaking pace. Even though he found himself even further removed from Mexico than he ever was in Colombia, he couldn’t help but feel that painful, searing wrench in his gut when he sat down to really think about it. 

You. 

Spending your lives together.

Having a family.

Protecting his wife and kids. 

The things he would do to keep you safe.

The terrible things he had done he had justified were keeping other people safe. 

The imagines of the things he wish he could unsee.

The pain and hurt he wished he could take back. 

The fear of what he was capable of doing. 

So with a knot in his chest from work, a ring hidden away in his sock drawer, and the beginnings of a plan to ask the woman he loved more than life itself to marry him, Javi coped with the weight of his stress the only way he knew how. He couldn’t fucking sleep. 

The thoughts played in his mind on repeat, torturing him with every loop around his brain. He tried his best to close his eyes, to empty his head for a moment of peace, but no matter how much he wished he could have willed himself to sleep, it was no use. By the time the alarm clock on his nightstand read 2:05 AM, Javi had completely given up on the idea of rest for the night, quietly making his way out of bed to go wander around the living room. It wasn’t long before you too were also awake, rolling over in your sleep to find Javi’s space in the bed cold and empty. Rubbing your eyes and propping yourself up against your pillow, you scanned around the darkness of your room as you came to, realizing that Javi was nowhere to be found.  Draping one of the blankets from your bed over you, you crept into the hallway, greeted by the soft light of one of the living room lamps painting shadows against the wall. 

“Javi, are you up?” Your voice still soft and sleepy, rubbing your hand along your face, squinting from the sudden brightness that lit up the room. 

“Osita, baby, did I wake you up? I'm so sorry. Go back to bed, okay?” Javi shot up from the couch, setting down whatever book he had been half focused on reading as he watched your bed headed figure meander into the living room. 

“No, it’s okay.” You grumbled, holding out your blanket covered arms for Javi to melt his body into yours, wrapping you in a tight hug. You pressed your head into the bare skin of his chest, snaking your hands around his waist as he planted his lips against the the top of your head, burying his nose in your tangled hair. “Baby, what’s going on? Why can’t you sleep? I’m worried about you, Jav.” 

“I’m… Yeah, I’m okay, Hermosa. Just a lot on my mind.” He sighed, his exhale still buried in your hair as he savored the smell of you, still lingering even in your sleepy state. 

His pause alone was enough to know okay wasn’t the word that you would use to describe Javi right now. His words were burdened and fatigued, making it clear that whatever was on his mind was weighing on him more heavily than he wanted to admit. 

“Are you sure? Javi, if you wanna talk about anything, you know I’m always here, right?” 

You wanted so desperately to pry. Everything in you had a feeling that whatever was keeping him up were entangled in the parts of his dark parts past, the last secrets holding up the final wall between the two of you. You knew from your brothers how hard it was to talk about the pain and suffering they had witnessed, and begging them to talk about it before they were ready only seemed to make it worse. Hell, after Patrick died, it felt like you didn’t sleep for weeks, and it had taken you months to open up about it. You knew Javi hurt, and as much as you wanted to, digging deeper into the things that plagued him in his restless nights wasn’t what he needed right now. Right now, he just needed someone to be there for him. 

“Is there anything I can do, Javi? I just wanna help.” The breath of your sympathetic whispers were hot against Javi’s skin, squeezing your arms to pull him as close to you as he could. He paused for a moment, letting out another deep breath as cradled the back of your head with his palm, running his hands through your hair. 

“Will- Will you stay up with me? Just a little bit longer?” His voice trembled as you turned your head to lock your eyes with his, the gentle nod of your head bringing him a moment of relief. 

“Of course, baby. Of course I’ll stay up with you. Do you wanna turn on the TV or put on a movie? Sometimes that helps me sleep.” You stretched your arms over your head, scrunching your face as you yawned before tugging your blanket tighter around your body. 

“Believe me, Hermosa, I know it does.” He let out a soft chuckle as he pressed a soft kiss against your forehead. 

“Oh shit, yeah that is true. I don’t even think I made it halfway through Young Frankenstein tonight, which is a crime. It’s such a good movie. I don’t even remember getting into bed.” You yawned again, this time taking one of your blanket covered fists to try and rub the sleep out of your eyes, forcing yourself to stay awake. 

“Well, if you give a mouse pizza and a movie after a long day at school, then she’ll probably need her boyfriend to carry her to bed because she’s so tired.” Now awake enough, Javi’s cute jab at your costume for school made you let out a little giggle, giving him a little shove with your blanket wrapped body. “Why don’t we turn the rest of it on, so you can finish watching?” 

“I don’t wanna fall asleep on you, Javi.” You grumbled, pouting up at him, considering he had just asked you to stay awake with him. 

“It’s okay. As long as I have you by me, I’ll be alright, I promise.” Reluctantly, you nodded in agreement, plopping yourself on the couch as Javi turned on the TV, rewinding the VHS tape to the point where you had fallen asleep earlier before joining you, draping his arm around your shoulder as you tucked in your knees and scooted closer to him. You sat for a few minutes in silence, letting the sounds of the movie fill the background. As you turned your head to look up at Javi, you could tell that even though his eyes were pointed at the screen, there was no way he was really watching the movie. Reaching up your hand, you ran your fingers across the length of his strong jaw, his stubble scratching against your palm, forcing him to look back at you. Your eyes met his, the sweet, chocolate brown looking back at you, with a confusing mix of exhaustion, guilt, want and helplessness. You brought your face closer to his, your lips now only inches apart as your whispers danced against his mouth, desperate to find something to ease his pain. 

“What do you need, Javi? Whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.” 

His tongue swept against his bottom lip, taking one last shaky breath before his words left his body with his exhale. 

“You. I need you.” 

His hands found their way to the bare skin of your thighs, his fingertips barely brushing against your flesh as he traced his way up to your torso, toying with the hem of one of his shirts that always looked so much better on you than him. Pressing his palm against the soft curves of your stomach, he tugged at the waistband of your sleep shorts, causing you to shift your body so he could slide them down your legs. Reaching over towards his lap, you grasped at his boxers, feeling him already half hard under the fabric as you rubbed your hand against him. Javi held your hips, slowly guiding you to straddle him as you kicked your shorts off your feet, leaving them in a pile on the ground. Slowly, you began to grind deeper into his lap, the feeling of him now fully hard beneath you. Gently prompting you to raise your arms over your head, Javi lifted your shirt, leaving you bare as he dropped it next to your shorts. 

“Is this okay?” Javi rasped, pressing languid kisses against your neck and collarbone as you ran your hands against the width of his broad shoulders. 

“Of course, baby.” Your reply low and horse as you began to drag the fabric of his boxers lower and lower, finally letting his cock spring free as his waistband pushed past. You brought your palm to your mouth, licking a long, wet strip across it before wrapping it around his length, thumbing over the precum already leaking from his tip. Javi tilted his head against the back of the couch as you twisted your wrist, stroking his cock, letting out a hushed moan before sitting back up to watch you. 

“You’re fucking perfect, Osita. I don’t deserve you.” He dug his fingertips into the soft flesh of your ass, his sweet, brown eyes locked on yours as you pressed against him, nibbling at his ear. 

“You deserve everything, Javi. I could give you everything in the world and it still wouldn’t be enough.” Javi grasped at your face, cupping your cheeks as he pressed his lips against yours in a deep, intense kiss, his voice shaky and lustful as his mouth parted with yours before he spoke. 

“I don’t need anything besides you, Osita. Eres mi todo. Estás todo lo que necesito. (You are my everything. You’re all I’ll ever need.) He shuttered, letting out a low groan as you continued to rub your hand along his length, Javi now reaching down to trace lazy circles around your clit before dipping his fingers inside your wet heat. His fullness made you whimper, wrapping tighter around his cock as you stroked him, now bucking your hips against his hand as his fingers curled, bumping against the spongy spot that made you lose control. “Does that feel good, sweet girl? Fuck, you’re so wet. 

“Mhmmmmm.” You gasped, rapidly nodding your head as his digits pulsed inside you, your cunt already drenched, desperate to feel the fullness of his dick, despite the thickness of his fingers. Carefully, you lifted your hips, moving yourself closer to him as you ran your fingers through the soft ends of his sleepy curls. Sitting up on your knees, Javi removed his hand as he watched you hover over him, his palms roaming to your hips as you guided his tip through your folds, collecting your arousal before lining him up with your entrance. His jaw went slack as you lowered down on to him, taking your time as you savored the stretch of every sweet inch until you had bottomed out at his base. 

“Fuckkk, baby.” He mewled, gently guiding his hands against your hips as you dragged yourself up along his length before headfully sinking back down, the tip of his cock bumping against your cervix with each movement. Javi nipped at your neck, trailing hot, wet kisses down your collarbone before stopping at your breasts, flicking this tongue along each of your pebbled nipples as you pushed deeper into his lap, whimpering at his touch. “My sweet girl, always taking me so well, like you were fucking made for me, baby. God, you’re so fucking gorgeous.” Javi pulled you in tighter, caging his chest against yours as his arms wrapped around the small of your back as he rested his face in the crook of your neck. “Fuck, I love you so much, Osita.” His words were desperate and needy against your bare skin, digging your fingers into his dark curls as you swirled your hips around his cock. 

“I love you too, Javi. More than anything.” You moaned as felt Javi shift his weight, thrusting upwards as he buried himself deep inside you. His fullness had you digging your nails into the nape of his neck, your body melting into his with each push and pull against each other. You could feel the all too familiar tingle creeping up your legs and through the base of your spine as Javi’s hand found its way to circle around your clit, already throbbing as the curled hair around his base brushed against your sensitive nerves. The lewd noises of your moans and tangled bodies drowned out the sounds of the TV behind you, practically hearing how wet you were as Javi cock slipped in and out of your heat, his pace pounding as he punched into you. You could feel your walls beginning to tighten around him, arousal pooling in your belly, Javi knowing you were close as you whimpered into the crook of his neck. “Fuck baby, don’t stop- ahhhh- please don’t stop, I’m so close.” 

“I know, baby, I know. Let go for me, Osita. Wanna feel you soak my lap before I fuck you full of me. Cum for me baby, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” Javi’s fingers rubbed faster along your clit as you rolled your hips, sinking yourself deeper onto his cock with each thrust, your vision going white as you could feel yourself come undone. 

“Javi, Javi- fuck- Javi, Jav-ahhhhhh.” You could feel yourself gush around him, crying out his name as you reached your high, your legs shaking and fingers digging into his skin, pleasure flowing through your veins. 

“That’s it, Hermosa. Fuck, baby, I’m gonna cum too, fuck myself so deep inside you. My perfect girl. Mierda- Quiero que seas mío para siempre, mi amor. Solo tú, por siempre y para siempre. (Shit- I want you to be mine forever, my love. Only you, forever and always). Fuck me, I- fuckkkk.” Javi hissed as he buried himself deep in your hilt, spilling every drop of his spend against your walls. You could feel the mixture of the both of you dripping down your thighs, soaking Javi’s lap as you slumped into his body, your heart racing as the damp curls of his hair pressed against your shoulder. You both sat there for a moment, letting your chests rise and fall together in sync as you came to. “Fuck me, Osita. I could stay like this forever, baby.”

“You and me both. Although, I feel like that would make things awfully inconvenient for the both of us.” Your soft, sleepy giggles making Javi smile as he ran his fingers though the twisted ends of your hair. Carefully, you lifted yourself up, hissing at the loss of Javi inside you. 

“Thank you, Osita.” Javi whispered, tenderly circling his thumb along your jaw as you curled up next to him. 

“For what?” 

“Just- fuck, you’re so good to me. I don’t know what I’d do without you. So, I just- thank you. Thank you for being everything I need.” Planting a gentle kiss on your forehead, Javi pulled you tighter, holding you in his arms as you leaned against him. 

“I’ll always be here for you, Javi. I promise.” 

You hoped he knew. That he knew your words were true. That when the time came for him to open up to you, letting you into the painful past that loomed above him, that you wouldn’t run. You would be right by his side, just as you were right now. 

“Well good morning, Sleeping Beauty.” Javi chuckled as you twisted in the passenger seat, stretching your arms over your head, scrunching your face, letting out a lengthy yawn. 

“Fuck, how long was I asleep for? How much longer do we have left? Sorry, I wasn’t planning on sleeping that long, I just wanted to take a nap for a little while we drove.” You ran your hands over your face, looking out at the bright Texas sun shining over the neat suburban neighborhood you now found yourself driving through. Javi reached over across the center console, rubbing his hand along your thigh as he chuckled to himself. 

“Baby, I knew from the moment you fell asleep you were gonna be out for the rest of the drive, it’s okay. I was just worried I was gonna have to wake you up in the Murphy’s driveway.” You grumbled as you looked over at Javi, giving him a playful swat against his arm, shaking your head, now emerging from your post nap fog. 

“Well if we weren't up fucking at 2:30 in the morning, perhaps I wouldn’t be so tired, hmmmm?” 

Javi rolled his eyes as you poked fun at how the both of you had found yourselves last night, trying to ease Javi’s sleeplessness. While your solution had worked enough to ease him back to bed, it had now left you wide awake, wondering what had been going through Javi’s head, torturing him enough to keep him up. It had also meant that the two of you had slept in much longer than you intended, leaving later than planned for Steve and Connie’s. The two of you had quickly packed your things and hit the road, stopping to grab lunch on the way before you found yourself dead asleep next to Javi for the last hour and a half of your journey to San Antonio. With only a few minutes now left in your drive, you peered out the window, admiring the houses that lined the quiet streets of the Murphy’s neighborhood. 

“This is a cute subdivision.” You smiled over at Javi, admiring the houses, charming and inviting as they were freshly decorated from Halloween. 

“Yeah, it is pretty nice.” He grinned back, wrapping his palm around your thigh, giving your leg a little squeeze. He took a deep breath, his voice now shifting in tone, becoming more shaky and nervous. “Would you uh- would you, um, wanna live in a neighborhood like this?” 

“Maybe. I don’t know, the houses are all really close together. I spent so much of my life in the city, and even at my house growing up, everything always felt so cramped. After coming here, especially after seeing your ranch, I don’t know, I would love to be somewhere with more space. But that’s a big ask, so, maybe one day if it works out, I guess.” You reached over, rubbing your hand along Javi’s arm, your soft smile meeting his tender gaze as he smirked, nodding to himself. 

“Yeah, one day.” 

Taking a last turn down one of the neighborhood streets, the two of you pulled up to the quaint two story home belonging to the Murphy’s. Turning off the ignition, Javi paused for a moment, grinning to himself as he ran the hand resting on your leg up to your face, cupping your check as his eyes roamed the length of your body, taking every inch of you in as his sweet brown eyes consumed you. “I love you, Osita.”  

“I love you too, Jav.” Both of your heads tilted, your lips gently pressing against one anothers as you traced your hand through Javi’s dark curls, pulling him closer into you. You could feel his smile against your mouth as his tongue barely swiped against your bottom lip, the two of you so lost in the moment, you hadn’t even seen Steve make his way out of the house to greet you, let alone the fact that he was now standing at the driver’s side door, hands on his hips as he watched your impromptu makeout session in Javi’s truck. 

“You two lovebirds want help bringin’ your bags in, or do I need to give you a minute?” Steve chuckled to himself as you and Javi shot up, hearts racing and faces going white hearing his distinct drawl and rapid tapping at the driver’s side window. Taking a deep breath to compose himself, Javi placed one more soft kiss on your forehead before promptly turning around to flip off Steve and opening the driver’s side door. “You two are worse than a pair of horny teenagers, I swear.” You could hear Steve still snickering to himself as you exited out your side of the car, making your way over to find Javi and Steve in a tight hug, lovingly patting each other on the back. 

“Fuck off, Murph.” Javi shook his head against Steve’s embrace, pulling away to grab your two bags from the backseat. 

“Listen, I’m not the one makin’ out in my driveway.” Steve shrugged as you sheepishly emerged from your side of the truck, smiling at you as grimaced at him. 

“He started it…” You glanced over at Javi, you and Steve now both giggling as he pulled you in for a hug. 

“Of course he did, wouldn’t put anything past this old bastard. How ya doin’ sweetheart? Good to see the both of you, we’re really glad you guys could make it. 

“She’s doing great after the hour and a half nap she took on the way here.” Javi interjected, slamming the truck door behind him, slinging both of your bags over his shoulder. 

“Whatever, you meanie. In my defense, I was not planning to sleep that long, and I think Halloween exhaustion got the best of me.” You shot Javi a quick wink, trying to bite down on your lip before turning back to face Steve. 

“Listen, I don’t blame ya. I’m fuckin’ exhausted after trick-or-treating with 3 kids, let alone tryin’ to keep ‘em wrangled at school all day. I love those girls, but I don’t think I could've gotten them in my parents car fast enough when they came to pick ‘em up this morning. Here, come on in, I won’t make you stand out in the driveway all day, unless you need to make out more.” 

As you stepped into the Murphy home, you were greeted by an abundance of Halloween streamers and banners hanging in the living room and up the stairwell to the second floor, along with a few Barbie dolls and accessories scattered across the entryway, nearly stepping on one as you came through the door. You could smell the sweet scent of something baking in the kitchen as Connie came rushing through the hallway, arms outstretched to greet you and Javi. “Oh it’s so good to see you two, thank you so much for coming!” Connie squeezed you and Javi in a tight hug before she backed away, kicking one of the toys on the floor across the room. “Sorry about the Barbies, I told the girls to clean up before they left for their grandparents this morning but I think all 3 of them are still running on a sugar high from last night and that obviously didn’t happen.” 

“Thank you so much for having us! Don’t worry about it at all, I totally understand! Javi was just telling me on the way over how much he was hoping the girls had Barbies he could play with anyways!” The 3 of you laughed as Javi rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as you gave him a smirk and a little nudge. 

“Fuck, I forgot how funny she was Jav.” Steve snickered to himself, picking up one of the Barbies and tossing it across the room into one of the toy baskets along the wall. “Seriously though, we are really glad you guys could make it. Your birthday party was fun as hell, old man. Glad to be close enough to actually see each other and do stuff like this again.” 

Before Javi would respond, you all jumped, startled by the sound of the kitchen timer beeping rapidly from the other room. “Oh crap, sorry, I gotta grab the cupcakes out of the oven!” Connie grimaced apologetically, making her way back to the kitchen. 

“Do you need any help?” You asked, excited to spend more time with Connie. 

“Oh my gosh actually if you could help with frosting the cupcakes that would be amazing. I made these yesterday for Olivia and Abby’s class parties, and I had no idea it was gonna take so long and was worried I wasn’t going to have enough time for all of them before the party! Thank you!” 

“Of course!” You replied, grinning at her before following her lead to the kitchen, giving a little wave as you disappeared around the hall, looking back at Steve and Javi. “Have fun, you two.” 

Steve paused for a moment until the both of you were out of sight, waiting to forcefully slap his hand against Javi’s chest, making him groan from the unexpected pain. 

“What the fuck was that for, you jackass?” Javi winced, glaring at Steve. 

“Where the fuck’s the ring, man?! Steve hissed through gritted teeth, looking back at Javi in disappointment. “I thought you were gonna fuckin’ do it after you got back from Chicago and met her family?! I thought everything was all good with- oh shit, did something happen with the ho-” 

“Shhhhhh! You fuckin’ idiot, please, talk louder, I don’t think the people at the end of the street could hear you.” Javi looked around the corner, clenching his jaw, praying that you hadn’t heard anything from the kitchen. 

“I’m not that fuckin’ loud… Shit, what the fuck happened then?” Steve grumbled, looking over at Javi with concern. 

“Can we maybe talk about proposal plans somewhere that’s not right by the woman I’m trying to propose to?” Running his thumb over his balled fists, Javi’s eyes darted back and forth, staying on the lookout for your return. 

“Fine, fine, fine. I’ll show you where the guest room is and then you can tell me.” Steve motioned up the stairs, Javi trailing behind with both your bags draped around his shoulders

“Was I really that fuckin’ loud?” 

“…Have you heard yourself talk?” 

“So how’s everything been going at work? There definitely was a full moon sometime in the past week because things were crazy at the hospital, I’m sure they had to be equally as bad at an elementary school.” You and Connie giggled as you squeezed a dollop of orange frosting onto one of the cupcakes before taking one of the little bags to pipe on eyes and a mouth to make it look like a pumpkin. 

“Oh my god, I think it must have been on Wednesday, I had a boy cut another girl’s hair with scissors and then had to call another parent because her daughter bit another kid at recess pretending to play werewolves. I felt really bad we didn’t come last night, I was exhausted after our Halloween party, I fell asleep on poor Javi at like, 8 o’clock.” 

Although you found yourself laughing with Connie again, you couldn’t help but shake the uncomfortable feeling you had in your gut as you thought about after you had woken up in the middle of the night to find Javi wide awake and distressed. You carefully set down your spatula, taking a deep breath before glancing over at Connie, still frosting next to you. “Hey, uh, Connie? Can, um- Can I ask you something?” Connie immediately sensed the shift in your tone, putting down her cupcake. 

“Of course, honey. What’s going on?” 

“Did um, did- Did Steve ever- ever talk to you? About all the stuff that happened in Colombia? I mean like, I know you were there, but I don’t know. Sorry, I don’t know what I’m trying to ask, this is probably way too personal, I-” You could feel yourself shrinking, retracting in embarrassment at your overly intrusive question, unable to finish your thought before Connie cut you off, placing her hand on your shoulder. 

“Oh, honey…” Her eyes were filled with sympathy as they looked back at yours, letting out a sigh before she responded. “Did something happen?” You began to nod your head no, even though you could feel the words yes burning in your throat. You took another shaky breath, trying to hold back the tears now welling in your eyes as you spoke. 

“No I mean- well, yeah, I guess. Last night, I woke up and Javi wasn’t in bed. He was out in the living room and I could tell that something was bothering him. I don’t know- maybe it was nothing. I just- when my brothers came back from active duty, there were a lot of things that kind of just went unspoken. I knew it was hard for them to talk about. Charlie handled it okay, but my brother Patrick never wanted to talk to anyone about what happened, and it just- I don’t know Connie, I don’t think Javi would ever do anything stupid like he did, but- fuck- it scares me sometimes. I know Javi’s done things that he’s probably not proud of, and I get it’s part of the nature of what his job was. I don’t care. I really don’t. People do shitty things when they’re put in shitty situations. But he never talks about it. Ever. Does… Does he not trust me? I care about him so much, Con. More than anything. I get so worried about him.” 

Your tears were now streaming down your cheeks, leaving your face wet as you wiped the back of your hand across your skin to try and do some form of damage control before Connie embraced you, pulling you in for a hug, tightly wrapping her arms around you. “Oh sweetheart. Of course he trusts you. When Steve came back, he was a mess. I don’t think it really all hit him until he was finally home. I guess you’re right, it was different because I was there, but even then, there were things that happened that I didn’t know about. After begging and begging him, I finally got him to go to see someone and it really helped, but even now, there’s times where it still creeps up on him. Honey, Javi loves you so much. I didn’t think I’d ever live to see the day he was in love as he is with you. If he’s anything like Steve, he just doesn't wanna hurt you.” 

You sniffled, taking a step back to wipe your nose with your sleeve, your lip trembling as you tried to keep from crying harder than you already were. “But that’s what hurts, Connie. It hurts me to think he has to keep this from me, like I’m gonna think less of him for what he’s been through.” 

“I know. Have you talked to him about it?” Connie’s voice was gentle and sweet, rubbing her hand along your arm as she listened to what you needed to get off your chest. 

“No… I guess I should have. I never wanted to pry. I know it’s hard to talk about, I just- I wanna be there for him Connie. I don’t want him to have to do it all on his own.” You shifted your gaze to the ground, guilt washing over you. After Patrick, you couldn’t live with the idea of letting Javi try to suffer through his past alone. You loved him more than anything- and even the slightest thought of going through anything similar to what had happened to Patrick again with Javi was almost paralyzing. 

“I think the best thing you can do is to go talk to him.” Looking back up, you saw Connie smiling at you, trying to convince you that everything would be okay, even if it felt like it wasn’t. “Why don’t you go find him? Party’s starting soon anyways, you can go change into your costumes and come down wherever you’re ready. I’ll be just fine with the cupcakes, tell Steve can put himself to work frosting.��� The both of you grinned as you tried to wipe your tears, nodding slowly in agreement. 

“Thanks, Connie.” You whispered into her shoulder as you pulled her in for a hug before heading up the stairs to find where Javi and Steve had gone. It didn’t take you long to find the pair, hearing their voices carry through the hallway from the slightly cracked door of the guest bedroom. You were about to knock and interrupt their conversation, stopping yourself with your fist barely touching the door as you tried to make out what they were talking about. 

“The offer was in fucking cash, too. I was trying to make it easier so I could speed up the process, but it’s been taking them so goddamn long to close on everything so I can finally go sign the fucking paperwork.” 

“That fuckin’ blows, Jav. I’m sorry. It’s not like she knows any better, though. It’ll still be a huge fuckin’ surprise, I’ll tell you that much.” 

“I know. It’s been killing me to wait this long. I just want it to be perfect, Steve. She deserves everything. Honestly, I’m kinda glad it bought me some more time. I need to find a way to get her to see it before everything’s official in case she fucking hates it.” 

“Javi. She’s not gonna hate it. Fuck it, tell her Connie and I are lookin’ for somethin’ and we wanted you two to go see it for us. I don’t know, maybe that’s too obvious. Speakin’ of which, I should probably go check to see if she needs anything before this party, I’m already in the fuckin’ dog house for forgettin’ to bring the girl’s trick-or-treatin’ bags to school, I don’t need to be in trouble for anything else.” 

What the hell were they talking about? What was Javi signing? Why was it taking so long? What the hell did it have to do with you? Wait… holy fuck. No way… Was he- 

Before you could finish your thought, you suddenly realized Steve was making his way towards the door. You quickly rapped your fist against the wood, trying to play off the fact you had been eavesdropping and make it look like you had just unassumingly made your way upstairs, not overhearing the conversation the two were just having. 

Knock, knock. 

“Hey, it’s me! Uh, Steve, Con wants to know if you can help her with the cupcakes really quick.” You pushed open the door, trying your best to smile at the suspicious pair as Steve shook his head, looking back at Javi. 

“It’s always fuckin’ somethin’. I don’t even know what I did wrong this time, I swear.” Steve held up his hands defensively, sliding his way past you in the doorway before heading downstairs, leaving you standing there awkwardly, unsure how to feel after your conversation with Connie and the one you had just overheard. 

“Hey, Osita. How’s everything goin’ down there? Sorry, we were just about to come down and- Hey, baby, you okay?” Javi stood up, concern spreading across his face from the strange scrunch in your brow as you stared at the floor. 

“Ummmm…” You froze for a moment, unsure of what to do. On the one hand, your conversation with Connie had you ready to confront Javi, to finally work up the courage to ask him about the past life he had tried his best to keep from you. But as you glanced over at him, seeing his sweet brown eyes and stupidly handsome face, remembering the discussion you had just overheard through the doorway, the other hand meant you weren’t at risk of ruining your night that the two of you had been so looking forward to, and right now, the other hand was going to have to be the one you needed to play. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good, I just- I was gonna ask you something but forgot what I was gonna say. I’m sure I’ll remember it eventually.” You smiled at Javi, neither of you completely convinced by your response. “But um, Connie said that people are gonna start getting here soon, so we can change into our costumes if you want.” A smirk slowly stretched across your cheeks as you nodded over to the black duffle bags laying on the bed. 

Javi’s grin matched yours quickly, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer against him as you giggled. “You sure we’re not gonna be the only ones dressed up?” 

“Well considering it’s a Halloween party and I literally just talked to Connie about what she and Steve are wearing downstairs, I’m gonna give it a pretty confident yes. Worst case, it just looks like you’re wearing a white shirt and vest, Mr. Solo. You stuck up, half-witted, scruffy looking nerf herder.” You raised your eyebrows, playfully poking at his chest. Javi paused, shaking his head at your quote, firing one right back at you as he bit down on his lip. 

“You just like me because I’m a scoundrel. There aren’t enough scoundrels in your life.” 

“I happen to like nice men.” 

“I am a nice man.”  

Javi cupped your face, pulling you in for a long, heavy kiss before backing away to unpack your bags, shooting you a quick wink as you rolled your eyes. Jesus, he even found a way to make Star Wars sexy. Just when you thought you couldn’t be anymore in love, Javier Peña never failed to find a way to make you realize you’d never stop falling for him. 

After putting in what felt like the 74th bobby pin into your hair after getting the last braid wrapped over your head, you gave yourself a once over in the mirror, pleasantly surprised by how well your costume had turned out. While Javi was disappointed you were adamant you were not going as Princess Leia from Return of the Jedi and showing up in front of a group of strangers at Steve and Connie’s party in her slave costume, you and Javi both agreed that Hoth Princess Leia was definitely the next best look. Staring at you with his puppy dog eyes, Javi had been adamant about waiting with you as you finished getting ready, leaning his hip against the bathroom counter, arms crossed over his chest as he watched you finish the last of your hair and makeup. 

“Okay, I think that should stay. All those years of braiding my hair for under my hockey helmet are finally coming in handy for something.” You snickered, pushing the final clip into your hair to hold it into place, giving yourself a once over in the mirror. As you looked yourself down, Javi’s eyes wandered up and down your body just as fast, practically undressing you as fast as you had put your costume on. 

“Goddamn, Osita… Fuck, you’re so hot.” 

“Me? Jesus Christ, Javi. You put Harrison Ford to shame with how fucking good you look. I like Han Solo better with a mustache anyways.” You licked your tongue against your bottom lip, running your hands along the muscles of his arms, straining against the tight henley shirt he was wearing under his vest. You were no better than Javi, practically having to force yourself to not look in his general direction while you were getting ready to prevent yourself from pouncing on him. But given the lack of chatter downstairs, and the impressive speed at which the two of you had gotten ready, you really couldn’t help yourself. Slowly, you let your hands begin to slip down his arms and across his chest, palming at the denim of his black jeans as he let out a deep groan. 

“Hermosa…” He hissed against your neck as you grasped at the bulge now growing under his pants, your other hand now making its way down to undo his belt, the clinking of the metal drowned out by Javi’s heavy panting. You began lowering your body, sliding Javi’s pants and boxers down his thighs as his cock sprang free, his tip already red and leaking with precum. You rested on your knees, face to face with his length as you wrapped your hand around him, slowly stroking him a few times. 

“This okay, Captain Solo?” You batted your lashes at him, giving him a wink before letting your spit dribble onto his cock, taking his tip into your mouth and swirling your tongue around it. Curling your fingers around his base, you began to twist your wrist, hollowing out your cheeks as you took him deeper into your mouth. 

“Oh, fuck me. Holy shit, Osita.” He moaned, tilting his head back, letting his jaw go slack as your head bobbed back and forth. He gently rested his hand along the side of your face, helping to guide you along his length as you took him deeper and deeper down your throat. “Jesus Christ, baby. Fuck, that feels so good. You look so hot, god fuckin’ dammit.” Javi’s words were labored and shaky as you started to increase your pace, wrapping your free hand around the back of his bare thigh, digging your fingertips into his leg. Feeling the pressure beginning to build in his stomach, Javi began rocking his hips, his jaw completely slack as he looked down at the sight of how well you took him in your mouth, saliva dribbling down your chin as sucked along his cock, hard and heavy on your tongue. “Fuck, Osita. I’m not gonna last much longer. Can I cum like this, baby? Fill up that- fuck- fill up that pretty little mouth of yours?”” 

You glanced up at him, nodding, your lips still wrapped around his dick, the motions of your head and wrist now becoming faster and sloppier as you watched Javi’s brow scrunch and jaw clench, a sign you knew all too well that he was moments away from coming undone. 

“Such a good fucking girl, taking me so well. Fuck, baby- shit- se sientes tan bien, estoy tan cercaaahhhhhh-” (you feel so good, I’m so closeeeee-). The hot ropes of his spend coated the back of your throat, the salty, tangy mix filling your mouth as Javi whined, giving his hips one last push as kept your lips wrapped around him, making sure that you had milked him of every last drop before releasing. Letting your spit and his release fall from the corners of your lips, you wiped your mouth with the back of your hand, smirking up at Javi’s blissed out expression. “Jesus Christ, Osita. You’re too fucking good at that. Holy shit. Lemme take care of-“ 

You held up your hand to stop him as you stood up, your gesture cutting off the rest of his sentence as you helped to pull up his jeans and boxers still resting along his thighs. “I’m allowed to give my hot ass boyfriend blowjobs without anything in return. C’mon, we better get downstairs before Steve walks in on us again.” You pressed up on your tiptoes, planting a quick kiss on Javi’s lips as he reached down to buckle his belt before the two of you tried your best to fix yourself up in the mirror to avoid the inevitable shit Steve was about to give the both of you. Giving Javi a quick nod in the mirror before turning off the light and heading out the door, he gave your ass a playful smack, making you squeal in surprise, making you turn on your heels. Resting his hand on his hip, he beamed at you, biting down on his lip. 

“Fuck, I love you.” 

“I know.” 

The Murphy’s living room had begun to pool with guests as you made your way down the stairs, looking for Steve and Connie amongst the crowd. You and Javi both grabbed a beer from the cooler at the bottom of the stairwell, quickly turning around as you heard Steve’s familiar twang approaching behind you. 

“Well I’ll be damned. You got this motherfucker in a costume? He must really love you.” Steve chuckled, shaking Javi by the shoulders. “And Star Wars too?! You asshole, how many times did I try to tell you they were good fuckin’ movies?! You shoulda dressed him up like Jabba the Hut.” You and Steve cackled as Javi rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, and what the fuck are you supposed to be? A sad pirate?” Javi jabbed, poking fun at Steve’s poorly put together costume. 

“Listen, Olivia and Abby both wanted to be the Little Mermaid, so we had two Ariel’s, Con was Ursula, Madison was the yellow fish and I didn’t wanna be that annoying ass crab, so pirate it was, asshole.” Steve retorted, punching at Javi’s arm, the two of them laughing at each other like little boys. “Alright, go enjoy yourselves lovebirds, I’ll see ya in a little bit. And Javi?”

“Yeah Murph?” 

“You really gotta start checkin’ your pants, buddy.” 

Javi’s cheeks turned red, his eyes darting down to his zipper, still all the way undone from your activities upstairs, the both of you grimacing at each other, sheepishly avoiding eye contact with Steve as he disappeared into the crowd. 

It really wasn’t a surprise to Javi how many friends the Murphy’s had already managed to make in their time since moving to San Antonio. Their house was quickly crowded with all sorts of people- Steve and Connie’s co-workers, neighbors, parents of friends Olivia and Abby had made at school, regardless of where the party goers were from, everyone had collectively agreed to make adult Halloween just as fun as any kids. You and Javi were having a great time catching up with Steve and Connie, as well as meeting some of their other close friends, one of Connie’s neighbors being an elementary school teacher, giving you two plenty to commiserate about from the hellish week it had been. It didn’t take long for the party to move outside, Steve drunkenly deciding that he needed to make a bonfire, despite adamant argument that with the amount of alcohol Steve had in his system, he was going to spontaneously combust if he got close enough to a flame. Javi, sober enough to still help his friend make rational decisions, was glad that Steve was happy to let him build the bonfire. 

“The force is strong with you, Han Solo.” You giggled, Javi wrapping his arm around your shoulder, pressing a soft kiss into your forehead as the two of you stared into the flickering orange glow of the fire pit. 

“Not strong enough to extinguish Steve if he got close enough to it. Hey, I got shit all over my hands, I’m gonna go to the bathroom and wash ‘em off. You need anything while I’m inside, Princess?” You smiled as you nudged Javi at the nickname he had been adamant about using since you had put on your costume. 

“I’m good, thank you. I’m gonna go wait over on the swingset so I don’t completely reek of bonfire later.” Javi nodded as he slid his hand down your back, giving your ass a quick squeeze before making his way through the crowd, heading towards the house. Surprised no one else had capitalized on the chance to sit down, you wandered over to the wooden playset at the corner of the Murphy’s backyard, taking a seat on one of the plastic swings, kicking your feet against the grass below. 

“Hey, there she is! How goes it, Leia?” Taking a few long strides through the yard, Steve was now quickly making his way over to you, stumbling over his own feet as he somehow managed to sit himself down on the swing next to you. You tried your best not to laugh at Steve’s drunken state, but his current antics weren’t making it very easy on you. 

“I could ask the same to you. You doin’ okay there, pirate?” 

“Fuck sweetheart, I’m doin’ fuckin’ great. Where’s the asshole?” 

“Inside, I’m sure he’ll be back out soon.” You snickered at Steve watching the beer dribble down his chin from the overly confident swig he had taken. 

“Good, I don’t need ‘em right now. You were the one I was lookin’ for.” Steve pointed in your general direction, but clearly wasn’t aware enough to hit his target head on. 

“Me?” You laughed, pointing back to yourself. 

“Yes, you. You talk to him yet?”

“About?” You paused, wondering if Steve had any inkling of the conversation you were planning to have earlier, or if he was drunkenly deciding you and Javi needed to discuss something else. 

“You know about what. I talked to Connie earlier. I figured I owed it to you to come talk to you about it, too.” 

Your heart began to race, that uncomfortable feeling once again beginning to churn in your stomach as you thought about the things you and Connie had discussed earlier. “Steve, you don’t owe me anything, I-” 

“No, I do. Hold on a second.” Steve turned away, letting out a hearty burp, pouding on his chest before facing back towards you. “Sorry, I’ve been holdin’ that in for like 10 minutes, I needed to let it out. Anyways… What was I sayin’? Oh shit, yeah, the grumpy bastard. Listen, sweetheart. I know it’s gonna fuckin’ suck,  but you gotta be the one to bring it up and talk to him about it. If I know anything about that motherfucker, it’s that he will bottle things up for way too fuckin’ long until someone gets it out of him. He’s a good guy. He says he’s not, but he is. Saved my ass more times than I can count. That job made us do some fucked up shit neither of us are fuckin’ proud of. But that doesn’t mean he gets to keep it from you. I swear to God, that asshole is so fuckin’ in love with you, it makes me sick. You make him so happy. He just doesn’t wanna fuck up the best thing that’s ever happened to him.” 

You weren’t sure if it was the right thing to do, but in that moment, all you could manage was to reach over to the swing next to you, pulling Steve in for a hug as you tried to keep your tears from staining his shirt. “Thanks, Steve.” You whispered, leaning back into your seat, using your sleeve to wipe the wetness from your cheeks. 

“I know you love him too. You deserve to know. Don’t let him be a stubborn jackass to you, okay? I’m bein’ serious. I should be the one thankin’ you though, honey. In all the years I’ve known him, I never thought I’d see ‘em this happy. I promise I won’t get this drunk at your wedding.” Steve winked, straining to push himself up out of the swing, somehow managing to catch his balance as he stumbled into the grass. 

“You do make a very inspirational drunk, Steve.” You laughed to yourself, looking up at him with a genuine smile. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome. Alright, enough sap, I’m gonna go get another fuckin’ beer, I’ll see ya around okay?” 

“Okay, maybe a water would be good for you, too.” 

“Water’s for pussies.” 

“Water’s good for people who don’t want raging hangovers tomorrow.” 

“Pirates are always drunk, so I’ll be fuckin’ fine.” 

“Whatever you say, Steve.” 

It didn’t take long for Javi to return, easily spotting his tall, broad body making his way through the crowd, beaming at you as he walked over to the swings. You tried your best to smile back at him with the uneasy pounding in your chest quickly building, feeling your heartbeat in your throat. “Hey, Hermosa. Sorry it took so long, I ended up stopping to get another drink on the-“ 

“Do- Javi, do you trust me?” 

Your words were quiet and blunt as they rolled off your tongue, your eyes peeled on your feet kicking through the grass beneath you. 

Javi’s brow immediately scrunched in confusion, completely off put by your question and demeanor. “Do I- Baby, what are you talking about? Of course I trust you? What’s going on?” Setting down his drink, he began making his way next to you in frantic, worried strides. 

“Then why won’t you talk to me about it?” Your eyes darted from the ground up to his, his sweet brown eyes swirling with confusion at the firm tone of your voice and desperation growing across your face. 

“Talk to you about what? Hermosa, what’s going on? Is everything ok-” 

“Why won’t you talk to me about Colombia?” 

 Javi took a step back. He wasn’t sure if it was out of defense, or absolute shock from the words that had just fallen out of your mouth. He stared at you for a moment, his jaw locking as you could see how hard he swallowed, trying to bide his time as he calculated his response. 

“Osita… It’s not that simple.” 

“That’s not an answer.” 

“I don’t understand why we’re talking about this. Baby, if this is because of last night, you don’t need to worry about me, can we please just drop it?” The two of you faced each other in an unspoken standoff, Javi’s hands now resting on his hips as you crossed your arms over your chest. You had tried so hard to be patient, but in the moment, it was like all of your frustration was beginning to boil over. 

“That’s exactly why we’re talking about this, Javi. Because I fucking worry about you. All the time. I’ve tried so hard to be patient. I’ve never, ever tried to get you to talk about it because I know it’s fucking hard. But last night, you’re up at 2 A.M, wandering around the apartment, and I’m begging you to tell me what’s wrong and you won’t fucking do it. I’m not an idiot, Javi. I can’t live in this weird in between space in your life where you pretend your past doesn’t exist when I know it still fucking haunts you. Why won’t you just talk to me about it?” 

Javi could feel his heart pounding in his chest, his palms sweating as they clenched in tight fists at his sides. He tried so desperately to find an answer, something, anything he could tell you to try and justify his choices. The choices he had kept from you. The choices he couldn’t forgive himself for. “Because, I- fuck- because, goddamnit, I just- I was a terrible fucking person, okay? The things I did, they were-” 

“What? Fucked up? Painful? Shitty? Of course they fucking were, Javi. You were literally in Colombia chasing down Pablo Fucking Escobar. What did you think I thought you were doing down there? Filing away paperwork? You don’t think I know that you did things you regret? That you’ve hurt people? Made choices that hurt innocent people who didn’t deserve it? I know Javi, I fucking know. I watched my brothers come back from the same goddamn thing. I tried so hard to give them space, to let them come to terms with the fucked up things they did on their own, and you know what fucking happened? One of them’s fucking dead because of it. I can’t let it happen again. I don’t care about what you did. It doesn’t make you a bad person. But you can’t try and hide it from me and pretend like it doesn’t exist. I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. But I can’t if you don’t trust me. Please trust me. Please. I love you so much, Javi. I can’t lose you.” 

Javi stood in silence, as the both of you fought the tears streaming down your cheeks. He wasn’t sure if he had just been hit in the gut with a giant sucker punch, or if the weight of the world had just been lifted off his shoulders. He truly didn’t know how to feel. He wasn’t even sure if he had heard you correctly. Did you really just tell him that you knew about the fucked up, terrible things he had done and that you didn’t care? That you still fucking loved him? All you wanted was for him to trust that you wanted to be there for him? He could feel his hands trembling and lip quivering as he tried to find the words to speak.

 “Osita… I- fuck, baby. Osita, I’m so sorry. I trust you with my fucking life. You- You don’t deserve to have to deal with with all the fucked up things I’ve done. I don’t wanna scare you away, baby. You’re the best thing that’s ever fucking happened to me and I was so terrified if you found out about the terrible person I used to be, you’d leave. It’s not fair to you, I can’t expect you to carry the weight of all the fucking things I’ve done, too. I’m so sorry.” Quietly, Javi sat down next to you on the empty swing, burying his hands in his face. Gently, you reached over, pulling his hands away, forcing him to look at you. 

“Whatever you tell me isn’t gonna scare me away. I promise. The only thing that’s gonna scare me is when you try to pretend you’re okay when you’re not. Javi… Javi, I just- I just wanna be there for you. I don’t want you to have to do it alone. I’d do anything for you. I trust you more than anyone. You’re my best friend. I just- fuck- I just want you to trust that I’ll always be there for you to. I promise.” 

And just like that, the last brick holding up the wall between you and Javier Peña collapsed. There was nothing left to run from. Nothing left to hide. After he returned home, he was a changed man. He had hated the person he had become. Maybe there was a part of him that didn’t want to be loved, because he didn’t believe that he deserved to be. But then, there was you. 

You. 

You had taken everything he had known and changed his life for the better. You had become his better half, the person he loved more than anyone in the world. You had proved he was worthy of more than just existing- you had proved to Javi that he was worth the love and happiness you had promised him from the moment you had come into his life and made it worth living for. 

“You promise?” 

“I promise. Always.” 

The way Javi grabbed you and wrapped you in his arms, grasping at the back of your shirt as he pulled you in tighter, feeling the hot breath of his silent sobs against your shoulder told you everything you needed to know. You didn’t know much, but if there was one thing you did know, it was that you loved Javier Peña more than life itself. As quickly as it had felt like your life had fallen apart, he had come into it and picked up the broken pieces to put it back together. And on an October night in San Antonio, sitting on an old wooden swing set in the Murphy’s backyard, you hoped that Javi knew that you would always be there to pick up the shattered parts of his past, too. 

You weren’t sure how many hours had passed as you sat hand in hand in the swings with Javi as you listened to anything and everything he had to say. Long after the backyard was empty, and the bonfire had faded to embers and ashes, and the only one left awake besides the two of you was Connie, trying to drag Steve back inside from the plastic lawn chair he had passed out on, you finally made your way up to bed for the best sleep the two of you had in a very, very long time. Your goodbyes to the Murphy’s had been short and sweet- Connie exhausted from the late night, and Steve barley coherent from how hungover he was, you were still both so thankful the two of you had made the journey out to see them, and the both of you, just as grateful for the sweet and supportive life long friends you knew the Murphy’s would become. Most of your drive back to Laredo was spent in a comfortable silence, the golden sunrise spilling through the windows of Javi’s truck as you cruised down the highway, Javi’s hand never leaving yours, your fingers intertwined together as his thumb gently rubbed against your soft skin and your head rested against his broad shoulder. 

“How are you feeling about seeing your mom today?” You asked, lightly squeezing his arm as you smiled up at him, now exiting off the freeway quickly approaching the cemetery where you planned to meet Chucho to celebrate Día De Los Muertos, trying your best to comfort Javi as he prepared to see his mom’s gravesite for the first time since her funeral almost a decade ago. Javi let out a quiet sigh, his grip tightening just a little tighter around your hand as he looked over at you, a surprisingly calm look flooding his face. 

“I’m actually doing okay. Better than I would have thought. I think I was always so worried that she wouldn’t be proud of me and the man I’d become after she was gone. I um- I finally think that she’d be proud of me now.” He glanced over at you, his smile soft and tender as he soaked in the reason for his pride sitting right beside him. 

You noticed Chucho’s truck as you pulled up to park along the edge of the small cemetery, Chucho excitedly waving you down as you both hopped out of the car. Walking around to Javi, you were quick to grab his hand, giving him a reassuring grip as the two of you made your way through the gravestones along the thin cobblestone path towards Chucho, already arranging the items he had collected for Lucia’s ofrenda. 

“Hola, niños.” Chucho grinned, wrapping his arms around the both of you. “I’m so glad you’re here.” 

“Thanks for letting me be a part of today, Chucho. I know… Well, I just- I’m really honored to- just, thank you.” Chucho wasted no time pulling you into your own hug, his rough and worn hands holding you by the shoulders as he looked at you with misty eyes. 

“Mija, I should be thanking you. If it wasn’t for you, I don’t know if we would all be here today. Lucia’s last wish to me was that I would promise to make sure Javier was happy. Now hija, I think my sweet Lucia can rest a little easier knowing someone else has already fulfilled my promise for me.” As the two of you spoke, you hadn’t noticed as Javi had quietly stepped over to his mother’s gravestone, crouching next to it, his fingers delicately tracing along the engraved letters of her name, his other hand holding one of the marigold flowers Chucho had brought with him. The two of you watched quietly as Javi sat next to his mom, gently placing the flower on the shiny stone as he spoke. 

“Hola, mamá. Te extrañé. Siento haber tarado tanto.” (Hi mom. I missed you. I’m sorry I took so long). Javi’s voice trembled as he took a deep breath in, slowly exhaling as his hand rested on the stone, warm from the sun, shining brightly in the blue November sky. “Que estaba asustada de de verte porque estaba orgullosala de la persona en la que me había convertido. Que no quería decepcionarte. Tenía miedo mucho, mamá. Me sentí como si todo se derrumbase. solo quería olvidar. Pero entonces…” (I was scared to see you because I wasn’t proud of the person I’d become. I didn’t want to disappoint you. I was so scared, mom. I felt like I let everyone down. I just wanted to forget. But then…).  Javi turned his head, seeing you and Chucho, arm in arm, a smile growing across his face as looked back at the two people in life he loved the most. He took an extra moment to stare at you and the soft grin spread between your cheeks, basking in the comfort and warmth of the woman who had forever changed his life for the better. “Pero entonces, mamá, La conocí. Que es perfecta. Nunca supe que podías amar tanto a alguien. Ella es lo mejor que me ha pasado. La habrías amado.ella es una maestra, tambien.  A veces me pregunto qué ve en mí. No sé qué hice para merecerse. voy a pedirle que se case conmigo.Cuidaré bien de ella. Ella se merece todo lo que le pueda dar y más. Espero que estés orgulloso de mí, mamá. te echo mucho, Pero le juro a usted, al fin soy feliz. Te amo, mamá.”  (But then, mom, I met her. She is perfect. I never knew you could love someone so much. She is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You would have loved her. She’s a teacher too. Sometimes, I wonder what she sees in me. I don’t know what I did to deserve her. I’m gonna ask her to marry me. I’m gonna take such good care of her. She deserves everything I can give her and more. I hope you’re proud of me, mamá. I miss you so much, but I promise you, I’m finally happy. I love you, mom.) 

With a gentle nudge from Chucho, you softly stepped behind Javi, gently placing your hands on his shoulders before he rose up and you wrapped your arms around his waist, resting your head against his chest as he wiped away the tears welling behind his eyes. Staring down at Lucia’s gravestone, Javi ran his hand through your hair, carefully planting a kiss against your head and burying his nose in the soft waves of your hair. 

“I wish I would have had the chance to have met you, Mrs. Peña. I would have had someone else to commensurate with over all of the crazy teaching stories I’m sure the both of us have. Maria, Estelle and Linda all miss you a lot too, but I’m sure they haven’t changed a bit. Thanks for raising such a good son. I don’t know what I would do without him. I know he says that he doesn’t know what he did to deserve me, but I really think it should be the other way around. I promise I’ll look out for him.” You tried your best to smile through your soft sobs, looking up at Javi, tears streaming down his wet cheeks. It wasn’t long before Chucho had snuck up behind you, patting each of you on the back before smiling down at Lucia, too. 

“Estos dos están tan enamorados, Lucia. Tal vez más que tú y yo. Ella es una buena chica. Estoy muy contenta de que ella sea parte de nuestra familia. Finalmente tendremos a nuestros nietos, también.”  (These two are so in love, Lucia. Maybe even more than you and I. She is a great girl. I am so happy she is a part of our family. We are finally going to get our grandchildren, too). Chucho winked, nudging Javi in the side, forcing him to laugh through his tears, shaking his head at his dad’s comment. “Now, no more tears, you two. This is a happy day. Your mamá is smiling down on you, and I can almost hear here scolding me to keep you from crying anymore. C’mon, let’s decorate and eat, I even brought pozole.” 

The three of you spent the next hour decorating Lucia’s grave with bright orange and gold cempazuchitl (marigold flowers) and little Calaveras (sugar skulls) painted in bold colors and refined details, sharing and laughing about Javi’s favorite memories of his mother while snacking on the Pozole Chucho had brought to share. For the first time in a long time, Javi no longer felt guilt and grief when he thought about his mom- her memory filled him with love and joy. He wasn’t the same bitter, broken man he was when he had said his final goodbyes to his mother all those years ago. While he wished he could change the past, the reality of the present, and his future finally brought him peace, knowing he could be proud of the man he had become, thanks to you. 

As Javi helped Chucho to clean up the extra flowers and decorations he had brought, you couldn’t help yourself from reaching at the wrinkled photo you had shoved in your pocket as you had packed up to leave from the Murphy’s this morning. You carefully took it out, holding it gently in your hands as you tried to uncrinkle the edges. “You ready, Hermosa?” Javi called out, now a few steps ahead of you, making his way back towards the truck. “Hermosa?” He asked again, thinking perhaps you hadn’t heard him the first time. When he was greeted by silence again, he looked back to see you staring at the crumpled photo in your hands. 

“I um- I know that he isn’t buried here, and uh, if you don’t want me to, it’s okay- but um- is it, is it alright if I leave a couple flowers for Patrick?” You sniffed, a tear dropping down on the photo of the two of you, Patrick holding you in a headlock as you laughed with a wide, toothy grin, drowning in one of his old Blackhawks jerseys that you were so excited to wear because it belonged to him. 

“Of course, Osita. Of course it is.” Javi smiled at you softly, turning back around with the tub of leftover decorations, making his way towards you. Quietly, you walked back over to Lucia’s gravestone, carefully setting down the picture of you and Patrick next to it, putting a few marigolds over top of it so it stayed pinned in place from the warm breeze. 

“I miss you, asshole. You deserved so much better. I hope you don’t still think that I hate you. I mean, I do, but you know what I mean. Honestly, you were lucky you didn’t have to live through the Blackhawks losing in the playoffs this year, that fucking sucked. Mom and Dad and Charlie and David all miss you too. I finally went back home to see them. It still wasn’t the same without you there, but I know you don’t hurt anymore. I hope that you don’t hurt anymore. I love you, Patrick. Crack open a cold one up there for me, okay?” Trying your best to not to uncontrollably sob, you sniffled, wiping the tears running down your face as you leaned your head against Javi’s chest. He ran his hand along your back as he held you tighter, letting you take a moment to get everything out before you took a deep breath, nodding your head as if to signify to Javi and yourself that you were okay. 

“You okay, Osita? We can take all the time you need, baby.” Javi whispered, pressing a gentle kiss into your shoulder. 

“No, I’m okay. I just- I wanted to do something for him, too. Thanks, Javi. I love you.” 

“I know.” 

After several more long hugs goodbye with Chucho, you and Javi began your journey back home, marveling at the beautiful sunset, painting the sky with bright pinks and oranges and the warmth and comfort of Lucia and Patrick’s presence. You were so lost in thought staring out at the fading sky, you hadn’t even noticed that Javi had detoured from your usual route home until he had said something to you. “You okay if we make a quick pit stop on the way home, Osita?” You nodded, smiling at the golden glow covering his face. It wasn’t long until you were veering off the main road, Javi turning to make his way down a tree lined gravel pathway with a “For Sale” sign posted in front of it. 

“For sale?” You questioned, looking over at Javi before peering out your window to watch the trees lining the path pass by you as the gravel crunched under the truck’s tires.

“Yeah, uh- I was talking with Steve at the party yesterday and he- uh, one of his buddies said he was looking to get out of the city- wanted a plot of land to build on. Said he had heard good things about Laredo but didn’t have time to go check things out for himself, so I told him I would go take a look around and let Steve know what I thought.” Javi replied, trying his best to sound nonchalant as you shrugged before looking back out the window. As you reached the end of the path, the trees opened to reveal a beautiful, lush green field, the sun setting perfectly along the rolling hills of the horizon in front of you. Turning off the ignition, Javi gestured for the both of you to get out of the truck so you could go take a look around. 

“Jav… This is beautiful.” You marveld, grinning as you took in the beauty of the open space drenched in golden sunset. 

“You like it?” Javi grinned, laughing as you spun around, the gentle breeze blowing your hair in and out of your face. 

“Oh my God, yeah. Tell Steve’s friend to get on this place ASAP before I scrounge up every penny I have and sell one of my kidneys on the black market to buy it from him. There doesn’t even need to be a house, I’ll just lay in the empty field, perfectly content.” You giggled, letting out a happy sigh as you grabbed Javi’s hand, leaning your head against his arm as you admired the sun slipping away below the horizon. 

“I’ll take that as a yes then. He said he’s wanting to build a house here, do you think- do you think that he would think it’s got enough space? It’s not too far from everything? I know it’s a little farther from downtown and a longer drive to work- if uh, if he works by where we do, you don’t think that’d be a problem? For him?” Javi squeezed back, trying his best not to stumble over his words. 

“Are you kidding me? It’s literally perfect out here, Javi. Could you imagine getting to see this every night? He better put some big windows on this house so he can get all of the sunlight, oh my god, it would be so pretty. It’s not even that far from everything, and the view makes the extra drive time worth every minute. I know it’s probably a far way off, and we haven’t really talked about it, but I would love to live at a place like this someday.” 

Javi smiled to himself, looking down at you as you rested against him, soaking in every ounce of you as he shifted his arm to wrap around your waist, gently rubbing his thumb along the soft hem of your shirt before letting out a content sigh. 

“Yeah. Me too.”

Taglist: @cool-iguana @rhoorl @whyjuliaaa @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24 @3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85 @partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @blackfemalenerd

[cffeelia]

divine, divine | k. namjoon

“you are my pain divine, divine.”

summary: your long time boyfriend is the leader of the biggest band in the world. you’d imagine he would have some more time for you now that the group was temporarily disbanded, but he’s still busy with an album, leaving you to feel unwanted and lonely. it’s only a matter of time before he leaves for the military and all you want is to see him do anything but fall asleep in his studio.

kind of angsty but pinky promise it ends on a good note 🙏🙏

2022

bts has become apart of your life as much as it’s apart of your boyfriend’s, seeing as he’s the leader of the group. for the past 4 years, youve grown closer to the boys, growing a special relationship with each of them. from sitting backstage on tour, to placing blankets over them as they slept in their studio. you’ve seen all of their highs and lows, seeing as their moods basically determined your boyfriends.

namjoon lives vicariously through his band mates, if they were upset, so was he. 2020 was a rough patch for everyone, but namjoon took it so harshly. that was the first time you’d ever seen him sob, hands running through his bleached hair as he fell to his knees in your shared apartment.

“what am i even good for if it’s not music? and i can’t even get anything out in this time where everyone needs me. ____, why am i even here?”

all you could do was tuck his head into your chest, your mouth lightly parted as tears fell silently while he cried into your shirt. he’s never crashed this hard before, you needed to say something, anything.

you managed to calm him down after about ten minutes, the night ended with him wrapped in your arms, eyes puffed from his sobs.

thankfully, that year never repeated. you learned a lot about namjoon, his moods, how to comfort him. he wasn’t always a touchy guy, opting for words of affirmation both to you and to receive, but this year taught him how much he loved to be held by you. he would never take that for granted.

things went back to normal after about two years, and bangtan was excited to perform again for their permission to dance tour, though it wasn’t to the scale of the one they originally planned. however, the tour was successful, and definitely memorable for not just you, but your boyfriend and his band mates as well. you can still recall the night they closed off the tour, ‘mikrokosmos’ always would hold a special place in your heart, this group really loved their fans, it’s so admirable to see an artist hold that much love for people simply because they enjoy their music.

nothing good lasted forever, though.

june 14, 2022, during 2022 festa, bangtan officially announced their hiatus. you knew this news was coming since january of that year, but this wasn’t the bad part. if anything, you were excited to spend more 1-on-1 time with the love of your life, and for his close friends to get a break from the spotlight, but it wasn’t what you thought it was.

immediately after this announcement, namjoon was working like crazy on more music. their repackaged album was already out, and the busan concert went well, so why was he still calling you from his studio to tell you he wouldn’t make it for dinner again? that’s how you ended up in your car, trying not to violate traffic laws as you angrily drove to the hybe building.

“mr namjoon, someones here for you.”

the studio door opened to reveal a staff member, namjoon got up groggily from his seat, a little pissed of that his flow was interrupted.

taking the elevator to the first floor, he imagined it was probably some producer offering their beats again. why wasn’t security listening when he said he knew what he was doing for this album?

he wasn’t expecting you, hair braided out of your bare face. you wore his white tshirt and loose fitting jeans, clearly you rushed out of the house.

“hey baby. what’s up?” he slowly made his way to you.

“don’t ‘hey baby’ me, are you seriously doing this again?” you took his hand, dragging him back to his studio.

“what do you mean?” he struggled to keep up as you paced into the elevator, jamming the floor seven button

“____, hey, what’s going on? are you ok?” he cupped your face, dark circles hung along your eyes, your eyelashes poking straight out instead of their usual curled position. were you crying?

“no namjoon, im not! i thought you were done working on music, i want you to come home!” dramatically flinging your hands around, you looked longingly up to your boyfriends eyes, his hand still caressing your cheek.

“i’m sorry, i didn’t tell you. i’m preparing another album before i have to go to the military this december.” he smiled softly to you, but you didn’t return it. your face lost all emotion, turning back to the buttons on the elevator.

“i’m going home then, goodnight.”

“what? hun, what’s wrong? i’ll come home this wholeeee week. i promise, i just got a late start today babe.”

he grabbed your hand to stop your from pressing the lobby button.

“baby, look at me.” turning your head towards his smiling face, you knew you were in for it now. you planned to tell him off, and get him to come home. now you felt bad for interrupting his music process, and couldn’t keep up your angry girlfriend act any longer.

“just let me wrap up, ok? you can come with, there’s still some takeout in my office. give me thirty minutes i promise.” your eyes fell to his pinky, sticking out for you to interlock yours with and seal his promise.

you pecked his lips, looking away embarassed that he sweet talked the anger out of you.

“i love you, you’re real cute.” he whispered as he lead you into his studio.

2023

so much for the stupid fucking pinky promise, once again you were left alone in your bed. namjoon was surprisingly here tonight, but he had barely said a word, his exhaustion took him over, and he almost fell asleep in the shower if it weren’t for you coming in to brush your teeth.

now he was sleeping at your side, head skimming your shoulder as you sat, propped up on your pillows, scrolling mindlessly on your phone. it was supposed to distract you, but your for you page wanted you to remember everything that you were missing out on. you know this is a hard time for bangtan, but what about you? namjoon was overworking himself as if he didn’t have ten whole months before he would have to enlist.

you wanted to feel bad for him, it’s so selfish to tell him to abandon his work to come spend time with you. but seriously, what the fuck? you didn’t even get to kiss him on new years, he spent it with jhope, in their stupid fucking studio.

your phone flashed all colors of purple and white, the tiktok video was from an army recounting their concert memories from 2019 during the lysy tour. you remember that night, hearing thousands of english speaking armys defy the boundaries of language to sing in korean for bts. it made you cry too, but this video inflicted both frustration and sadness in you now.

you turned your phone off, tossing it to the side and climbing into your sheets, head facing namjoons as he slept. you let a tear roll silently down your cheek, you wish he could care as much as he used to. he unconsciously grabbed your arm, barely awake as he interlocked arms with you, and shuffled higher on the pillows. he basically was inviting you into his arms. hesitantly, you scooted until you were in his chest, you arms naturally reaching up to his neck.

that one tear became two, then three, then you lost count. hopefully he wouldn’t notice how soaked his shirt was, you sniffled lightly, careful not to wake him. you had almost drifted to sleep, exhausted from your heavy breathing while you let your emotions fall from your heavy lids. namjoon pulled you into his chest tighter, feeling the wet stain of your tears startled him awake.

he gasped lightly and groggily sprung up from bed

“what? what’s wrong?” you asked, flipping a lamp on, your voice hoarse as you tried to wipe your tears discreetly.

“what, what, is this you?” he pointed to the dark circle staining his loose shirt.

this only earned a sniffle from you, everything fell out all at once, snapping joon out of his sleepy trance, he listened as close as he could, extremely sleep deprived and barely even awake.

“i miss you so much joonie, it’s- it’s- like, not the same anymore!” you sniffled “all i want is to just enjoy waking up with you and going out to cute cafes again without music being behind it! please,” your hands slapped into your eyes, “please joonie can you just, just come back to me once in a while? why am i competing with your music? shouldn’t you prioritize me? i feel so unimportant.” your voice died down, namjoon wasted no time in tucking you back into bed, he let you roll onto his chest.

“hun, you should’ve spoke up. i broke our promise, i know i did, i should’ve apologized princess.” he kissed your temple. “i’m so sorry, ____, i’ll spend more time with you baby. it’s been so hard huh?” he tilted his head back to see your relaxed face, still leaking tears onto his shirt.

“yes, i just wanted you to come home, i feel like i’m loosing it, i haven’t even showered for the past three days, i didn’t wash my face joonie everything’s just a fucking task right now.” you let out another sniffle before looking back into his eyes. “when will you just be how you used to again?”

he felt himself recharge as he looks into your beautiful eyes, though half lidded. he felt like he could sleep in your eyes, they were truly heaven. so much so he forgot to reply, “i know baby. it’s ok, you’re ok, i’ll find a way to stay home more often, that sound good?”

you nodded, puckering your lips lightly, he kissed you once, then again, and again, then your cheek, ear, neck, then back to your lips.

it pained him so much to see you hurt over him, especially when he knows you’ve been innocently waiting like the perfect girl you are for him to say something to you.

after a while, the two of you fell asleep, arms crossed around each other as he caught up on some much needed rest. neither of you woke up until 2pm, joon replaced himself with a pillow, letting you sleep some more while he walked to the living room. his guitar sat in the corner of the room, where it had been collecting dust for two years now.

he rushed back into the room to quietly grab his laptop, also stealing a soft kiss on your lips, before he sat down on your shared couch. he knew what he wanted this song to sound like, he just needed lyrics and now, he finally found them.

copying your words, he began to play quietly. it took a while, but he got the premise of the song eventually, deciding to put the guitar down to cook the two of you some breakfast. he turned the stove on, getting to work making pancakes.

the smell woke you up, even though the food had been made, your boyfriend knew it could be reheated. if you weren’t ready to wake up, he wouldn’t come get you. so, he settled back down with his guitar, playing his untitled song.

it was the sound that lulled you out of bed. despite what you’d said last night, you loved to hear namjoon singing. you stumbled into the living room, sitting down beside namjoon as he continued his song, eyes skimming over you. the smile in his voice was audible. you layed your head on his shoulder, letting the vibrations of his voice relax you.

this was exactly what you missed, just quality time with the light of your life. you had never felt better than at that exact moment, it was the peak of your relationship.

just like his lyrics, it was divine, divine.

i have ideas for a part two if anyone’s interested 😽😽 lmk!!

[dont-fiddle-with-my-riddles]

june 6 - stay - @jegulus-microfic - word count: 253

(angst time guys)

Tears spilled onto his cheeks as Regulus coldly stormed off. James's sobs bounced off walls, echoing through the halls. It was late, way past curfew. Who would care if they saw him there anyway?

"Reg, love, please!" he whimpered, sight blurry. James took off his glasses, frantically wiping his eyes so he could keep up. Oh, he'd made a mistake. A horrible one.

"I never thought that it would be you. You would be the one to go off and spread those awful rumors. Potter, I thought you were better than that," Regulus's voice was as cold as ice, slicing straight where it hurt. He was betrayed, heart broken and discarded.

James shook his head, forgetting that Regulus would not look at him no matter how hard he tried. His nose was red and stuffy, his hair a mess, his clothes disheveled. Severus Snape had finally gotten into his head, James thought.

He would never, not in a million and fifty three years, tell lies about the boy he loved. Even in his coffin, he would never tell lies. Especially lies that spoke proudly of Walburga and Orion. How Regulus and Sirius deserved whatever went on in that house.

Sirius had stood up for his found brother. His family. James. But Regulus blindly believed him.

"You truly believe Snape over me?" James heard his voice crack, sniffling as Regulus stopped. He tried one more time. "Please. Stay with me."

Regulus stayed, unmoving, nodding his head before turning to take James in his embrace.

[elcpsstuff]

The Summer I Remembered You (C.F.) (Part 7)

Summary: Yn gets a little too drunk at Nicole’s party, but someone is there to help her with the after effects of it.

A/N: Already chapter 7? We aren’t half way yet, but the chapters go by so fast, please enjoy!!

—

I stumbled around Nicole’s house, eyes blurry and stinging. I’m not a lightweight, used to be but not anymore. But this is the most i’ve ever drunken. And i’ve gotten drunk before, trust me.

Everyone was hanging with their own people, and I was trying to find mine. My people. Gigi, Nicole, Shayla, belly, Taylor even.

But I couldn’t find them.

In the distance I saw a tall figure with another figure that was navy, their shirt probably. I knew it was him so I ran fast to him. He was with someone else.

“Conrad.” I say.

He turns to face me and I can still see him but not too clearly.

“Yn, what the fuck?” The other guy is suddenly gone and Conrad’s hands are on my face.

“Why are your eyes bloodshot red?” He says and I can hear a trace of worry in his voice. Worry.

“Con..” I begin to say but the words trail off.

“How much did you drink?” He says, this time firm and I don’t hear the worry in his voice. It’s gone.

I slur, “One.. twelve, I don’t know it’s..”

Conrad shakes his head, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” And then he takes my wrist and then we’re heading towards the exit.

“Stop!” I try to yank my hand out of his grip but he doesn’t let me. He’s too strong. “What are you doing?”

“Taking you home.” He says, and we’re moving towards the exit again.

Outside was Jeremiah, this other guy, and Cam. They were playing beer pong.

“Hell yeah!” I hear Jeremiah scream and then he looks towards us. “Hey, is yn okay?”

“She’s leaving.” Conrad says and then I shake my head. He doesn’t get to tell me what to do? Now he suddenly cares after all this time? I take everything back, I fucking hate him.

“No, i’m not.” I say but Im too weak to move away from him. Jeremiah just nods at Conrad which only makes me angry, and then we’re moving towards the car.

“Conrad, let go of me.” I say, tugging at him.

“Get in the car.” He had built this wall against me, like he couldn’t get too close to me. In my drunken state, it kinda hurt.

“Okay.” I stepped into the car and sulked. Sulked for the hundredth time this night. Conrad then got in the drivers seat.

“Please don’t be mad, Con.”

“I’m not mad, yn.”

Then, I did something i’m not proud of. I’m so embarrassed of it.

I started whaling. Crying my eyes out. You could hear it and I was sobbing. He definitely was going to walk out of the car. Leave. I couldn’t stop, once the tears started it was over.

To my surprise, I pair of hands stroked my face, wiping my tears away. “What’s wrong?”

Oh boy, that’s a lot.

“Everything.” I say. Quietly. “Everything is wrong.”

He didn’t say anything else, and Instead he took his hands off me and he started the engine up. I decided not to say anything either. And to stop crying.

After the worst car ride possible, we got back to the summer house and I think Susannah and Laurel were asleep because the lights were off.

Conrad gets out the car and then goes to my side, and opens my door. I was about to get out but he stops me. Then, he picks me up bridal style and I can’t help the flutter that’s in my heart. I nuzzled my head in his shoulder for comfort.

Conrad took me to my room and I could hear his heart beating, fast. He shut the door quick and then put me down on the bed.

Quickly, he started to roam around my closet to find some clothes, and he pulled out shorts and a shirt. A shirt that he had to stop and stare at for a few seconds.

He turned back to me, “Is this—”

“Yours.” I whisper.

—

June Last Summer, 15 (Almost 16)

Me and Conrad were currently on the couch, laughing our asses off. It was 1am and everyone was sleeping except us. Conrad showed me his moms secret vodka stash and we got a little carried away.

In my drunken state, I had my arms wrapped around his stomach and was laying on his lap.

“Connnnn.” I say through slurs. Conrad was way more sober than I was, but he was definitely buzzed. I was a lightweight.

He started to stroke my face which felt really nice. “This was a bad idea on my part.” He says through a laugh.

I shake my head and then unwrap myself from him, pretending to be angry. “Hey! I can handle it.”

He rolled his eyes playfully before pulling me closer to him, “Why’d you stop?”

I looked at him confused, “What?”

“Stop hugging me.”

Suddenly the air felt thick. Me and Conrad had had a beach moment almost 3 weeks ago, but I couldn’t shake the feeling. The feeling that had always been there. Sometimes I literally felt like we were a couple.

I shrug, “Your not very cuddly.” I lie. He was like a teddy bear.

He pretends to be offended and gasp a little but, “I let you know i’m very cuddly.” Conrad then picks me up and sets me down on his lap, shoving me into his shoulder. I tried to laugh but a part of me couldn’t breathe at all.

“Conrad! Stop!” I say but laughs keep coming out of my mouth. Eventually I give in and my arms are around his stomach again. Everything went quiet for a second, and the whole world stopped. It was just us.

Conrad played with my hair so gently it made me shiver. Then, I swear he was going to kiss me. He was so close, but he didn’t.

Instead he said, “Yn, we should go to the boardwalk soon.”

—

“You still have this?” Conrad stood there and he looked shocked. He ran a finger through his hair before sitting next to me on the bed.

“Well, now you can have it back.” I say, holding onto my banging head.

He shook his head and threw the shirt at me, “Nah, you can have it. I think it’s cute that you kept it.”

“Don’t do that.” I say. I suddenly felt a rush of anger. Everything, everything was coming back to me and I couldn’t forget it.

“What? I’m just being fucking nice. I didn’t have to take you home.”

I roll my eyes, “I can’t believe you.”

“Can’t believe what?”

“That you—” I paused. It wasn’t worth it. He would never care about you. Not again.

“Just leave me alone. Your good at that.”

I go to turn around but Conrad grabs my wrists, “No, no don’t do that yn. Don’t act like I fucking left you.”

Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes but I held them back, I couldn’t let him see that I cared. It was all too painful.

Of course, they started to spill. And then I was sobbing once again. This was so embarrassing.

I laid back on the bed and hid my head from embarrassment, “Just go away Conrad, please.” To my surprise, he didn’t say anything. But he didn’t get up either. He just looked at me. That look could kill me and break me and make me love him all over again.

“Conrad, go.”

“No.”

He was so frustrating. Intoxicating, too.

“Why? Why can’t you get the fuck out of my head?!” I then stood up on the bed and looked him deep in the eyes, something I have avoided doing all summer. He stayed silent.

“God, i’ve tried so hard to stay the fuck away from you, and I thought it would be easier because you’ve been such a fucking asshole, but I can’t.” I rant.

“yn—”

“No. No! it’s not fair? Why did you have to leave me? Why couldn’t things stay the same? John divorced Laurel, things have been weird with Belly and you know Frankie. I cant keep anyone in my fucking life.”

Before I knew it I was in Conrad’s arms and I was hugging his waist, sobbing.

“Fuck. Yn. I’m sorry.” He mumbled against my hair and strokes the side of my face.

“No i’m sorry. I ruined it Conrad. I ruined us.”

—

My head was banging as the sun poured through my window. As I opened my eyes, the harsh reality of life set in. I got so drunk Conrad had to take me home meaning I missed out on celebrating Belly’s birthday, which is just another reason for her to hate me. On top of that, instead of going to bed like a normal person I sobbed into Conrad’s arms and basically told him I missed him.

I grabbed my phone and was shocked when I saw the tjme. 8:45. I was supposed to be at the Marina in 15.

I jumped out of bed and put on athletic shorts with a tank top. I grabbed a hair clip and threw it up into a messy bun.

Once I went downstairs, I saw Jeremiah and Steven getting ready to leave and Belly was nowhere to be seen.

“Where’s Bells?”

Jeremiah shrugs, “She went to drop off Taylor.”

Great. Didn’t even get to say bye.

Without saying anything else I rushed out the house and began to make my way to the Marina.

Once I got there, I looked for the man Susannah had described to me. Brown hair, tall. It wasn’t the best description but I tried my best. I saw a man who I believed was him and went up to him smiling.

“Hi, are you Dean?”

The man smiles, “Yes, I am. I believe your yn?”

“Yeah, sorry i’m late.” Before I can say anything else he shakes his head, “That’s alright. Come with me.”

We walked down the Marina and he described the job I would have. Basically just working at the front but also some boating outside. I didn’t bother to tell him I’m scared of boating.

“Oh, and this is Sarah. You guys will be working together a lot.”

Sarah smiles at me, “Hey! Nice to meet you.”

Dean sighs and looks at the clock, “I have a meeting but Sarah could you show yn around a little?” Sarah nods and Dean gives us one last smile before leaving.

Sarah turns to face me, “Wanna smoke and tell each other our life stories?”

Damn. I like this girl.

So here I was at 9:30 in the morning smoking pot and laughing my ass off. I don’t smoke pot a lot. We were sitting at the deck with our legs hanging out.

“So your Aunt and Uncle adopted you?”

I nod, “Yeah, my parents died when I was 5.”

“How?”

“Car crash.” I say while taking another hit.

“I’m sorry, that sucks.” She says and I send her a smile. She had good intentions. She was nice.

“And you live with the fishers?” She says through a small smile.

“Yeah.”

She nods and for a moment there was silence until she spoke again, “Which one you hooking up with?”

“Ew! None. God, they’re like my family or something.”

Yeah. Or something.

Sarah just smirks, “Mhm, sure. I’ll have to get to know you more for that answer.”

“yn?”

That’s when I turned around and saw the one and only Conrad fisher. My dumbass forgot he teaches Cleveland how to boat here.

Sarah looked at me and smirked, “I’ll leave you to it!”

I go to protest but she stumbles away in her drunken state. Conrad then sits down next to me with his feet dangling as well.

“Are you high?”

I shrug, “Sarah—” i go to point to her but realize she’s gone. “She had one, and we just started smoking and talking about our life problems.”

“yn—”

I knew he wanted to talk about the night before. But I couldn’t let him. I had gotten so vulnerable with him, it was just too painful.

“You know, i’m sorry for being so annoying about the pot and shit, because I totally understand now. This is good.”

It’s disgusting.

He takes the blunt from my hands and tosses it into the water.

“What the hell Conrad! That wasn’t even mine!”

“Your pot friend probably has more.” He deadpans.

I groan and go to get up, but Conrad grabs my waist.

“What are you doing, Conrad?”

“We need to talk yn, about last night, about—” I shake my head and he stops talking. I hated this. Mostly because he doesn’t even care.

“Nothing happened last night.” I lie through my teeth and he can tell. Then, his hands are on my face and he’s cupping me.

“I’m concerned, about you.”

Fuck. It’s that look again.

“Don’t be.” I try and pull away but his grip only gets tighter. I wanna give in so bad. Give in to all these feelings that I know I shouldn’t, but I can’t help it.

For a second, I swore we were gonna kiss. Then I thought about Belly, and everything else in between. I pushed him off me.

“Just stay away from me, it’s easier that way.”

I didn’t even look at his face because I know I would feel guilty. All I ever feel is guilty.

—

A/N: THE DRAMA IS COMING!! Just a couple more chapters and then we might or might not find out what happened between them

tag list: @kkrenae @callsignwidow @drikawinchester @johannelis2302nely

[salemontrial]

My (probably unfinished) official list of everything I love about the trailer💫

- "How's it going :))-" SWERVED. ALEXANDER CLAREMONT-DIAZ GOT FUCKING S W E R V E D-

- Nora looks like she's going to stab Alex with her high heel. Also she's so pretty. Xjakcjd

- "you've done some pretty stupid things in your life, but this-" "Takes the cake? :DD-"

- The way Henry looks at them when they're lying on the floor covered in cake. It's like he's restraining himself from strangling Alex with his own suit jacket for the sole purpose of not worsening the scandal.

- "HENRY. SHOVED. ME.😡🥺" "An urge I currently share."

- Ellen in her pantsuit.. hey Ellen👉👈

- Alex is looking for ways to escape the room when she says the words "damage control" he fucking knows-

- THEY. GOT. LIL NAS X. ON THE FUCKING SOUND TRACK. Oh I p r a y they got the rights to Get Low I p r a y.

- ALEX'S FACE WHILE ZAHRA IS BRIEFING HIM HES SO DRAMATIC

- Im sorry guys henry is so fine alexander isnt going to be the only one thirsting over henry for the entire 2 hours/jjj

- That FUCKING handshake in the park. I can see the veins in their hands they are g r i p p i n g-

- these faces this is a point.

- "My NDA is bigger than yours, I want you to know that." "You're wearing Lifts. I know that too, sweetheart." -H e a d t u r n--- HES SO FLOORED FJSNF-

- HENRY'S LITTLE MOUTH QUIRK AFTER HE SAYS THAT

- I CAN SEE THE KEY NECKLACE. I CAN S E E IT BLESS THE COSTUME DEPARTMENT SHOVING HIM IN A LOWCUT SHIRT-

- "You better act like the sun shines out of his ass and you have a vitamin D deficiency" ZAHRA HAS THE BEST LINES AND ITS WHAT SHE DESERVES.

- Alex faffing about with his hair via his phone camera before the interview thats my b O Y-

- Henry slides over the box of cornettos so hard like thats the only hostile act hes allowed to parttake in

- To the person who theorized in the comments of one of my posts that Alex was going to do a little shoulder punch in the interview scene i am going to draw you a little firstprince fanart-/hj

- Because that was so funny and so fucking cute henrys fucking face through that whole interaction was just. He looks like he's actively trying to dissociate from the situation fjsjfj-

- The cancer ward🥺🥺

- Alex's u g l y ass suit at the new years gala... its such a gross jacket guys Im sorry this is what happens when you dont have jUNE TO MICROMANAGE HIS WARDROBE-

- Alex putting his arm around Henry and Henry smiling to himself because he's probably got the most insane case of butterflies

- I'm marrying the lighting director of this movie.

- GUYS GUYS SHUT UP ITS THE KISS.

- HENRY'S FACE BEFORE HE GIVES THE "Christ, you are as thick as it gets" LINE IS SO FUNNY. QUESTIONING WHY HE EVER WENT AND FELL IN LOVE WITH A DUMBASS

- THEY D O N T KISS LIKE THEYD RATHER GO DOWN A RAZOR WATERSLIDE🎉🎉🎉🎉💫💞💞🏳️‍🌈/GEN

- He does Henry's "Oh shit" face so w e l l-

- ALEX'S STETSON EVERYONE GET AWAY FROM ME

- KARAOKE SCENE KARAOKE SCENE I SEE HENRY AT THE MICROPHONE

- Guys hes g o i n g to do the thing he does with the bottle I just know it oh my god

- "Get O V E R yourself your majesty -p i l l o w-" "It's your royal HIGHNESS -p i l l o w-" "OHoho-"

- The polo match sjsjf. Same alwx-/J

- The little new voters goal thingy poster thats so cute actually-

- The pride flag in the back of the campaign office

- Henry texting while he's getting the royal preening sjcj

- never thought id cry just hearing henry say he misses alex out loud-

- THEYRE NOT SANITIZING IT TO MAKE IT PALATABLE/POS

- HENRY IN THE CLOSET I AM GOING TO SCREAM-

- "If anyone sees you leave this hotel I will brexit your head from your body....... Your royal highness." I LOVE HERRRRRR

- IF YOU FEEL FOREVER ABOUT HIM. AND THE AND THE PANNING TO THEM IN BED WITH THE SOFT LAMP LIGHT. AND THEYRE SO SOFT. AND AND AND AND. UEUE

- "Do you love him?" "What difference would it make if I did?"

- Bea's voice is so pretty sobs..

- It's always the blond autistic boys in the blue hoodies I swear to god/lh

- Theyre just chilling in their robes🥺🥺🥺

- DAVID!!!!!!!😭😭😭💞

- "Prince Henry belongs to Britain" and what if i sobbed.

- THEM HOLDING HANDS SOMEBODY SEDATE ME.

- NO SHUT UP NO GO AWAY HENRY CRYING... I TRUST HIM WITH HENRY'S HEAVIER SCENES NOW

- THEYRE AT THE LAKEHOUSE😭😭😭

- "It's like there's a rope attached to my chest and it keeps pulling me towards you"

- THE ASS GRAB. ALEXANDER GABRIEL CLAREMONT-DIAZ

- "The night is young, ma✨" <- said as if he isn't currently groping the prince of England's ass

- She sees right fucking through him sjcjsj

CONCLUSION: I will eat my hat. The movie looks really really really fucking good, it looks spectacular and I am so excited for it. I trust them. I'm only SLIGHTLY mad they barely had Nora in it and I'm only SLIGHTLY bitter at cutting June and Luna. But I am an optimist and I will focus on the good which is that they're doing the characters incredible justice, and if I see one person try to deny their chemistry I will A Clockwork Orange their ass to this trailer for days. Because That Is Alex and Henry. That's them in front of my eyes and I think they're in very good hands and this is the most coherent thing I can write I'm still crying-/srs

[abbyslev]

you honestly remind me so much of hange and i get happy when i see you post :)

my anon, i’m not joking when i say i screamed. I LITERALLY SCREAMED. IM HAVING SUCH A HARD TIME RN AND THIS JUST MADE ME TEAR UP. THANK YOU OH MY GOD I JUST LOVE YOU SM IM SOBBING😭🩷 I DO THIS FOR YOUR GUYS!! THANK YOU FOR SHOWING LOVE AND SUPPORT I CANT EVEN RN

[b3nnyrabb1t]

So there's this person on here @funnyshapedpuddles who did a "reblog with two or more fun facts about you and I'll give you a Sanders sides character" thing and I got Remus (understandably so) but I so. So. So badly want a thorough review from MORE fanders because suddenly I want a popular vote decision here.

SO

Fun facts about me are as follows (I'll start with the two I used for that person's post)

1. I spent around a year fixated on Jeffrey Dahmer in increments of 4ish months and 7-8ish months over the span of two years

2. I spent an entire total of over 24 hours tallying up how many new "Say No To This" bowigi videos I saw on tiktok when that was trending. I kept track by saving them all to a collection that has since been transformed into just bowigi stuff in general with most of the "say no to this" videos deleted (I kept the ones I liked most)

3. During that time period of my fixation on Jeffrey Dahmer I wrote not one, but two essays about him. Because I felt like it.

4 I named myself after a character from a Canadian show that aired on Disney in 2011-2012 called My Babysitter's A Vampire that also has a movie as the prequel (but I believe the movie did come out first so I think technically the show is a sequel/spin-off of the movie but wtv)

5 The last two summers (this one current and last year) I live(d) in a camper a few hundred feet from my house because I hate my grandfather and love being able to be independent while also having a stable fallback (like if it's too cold some night and I can just go into the house and sleep, or if I run out of my groceries in here)

6 I am a Scorpio.

7 The things I do most in the day are scroll Tumblr, scroll TikTok, and write porn with my best friend on Snapchat.

8 I dislike every pop tart except the cinnamon ones.

9 I own the Dan and Phil and Cats calendar and I cross off every day on it so I do not forget what day it is. It is the only calendar I have ever ACTUALLY used despite owning SEVERAL calendars that I picked out myself before. I have only ever actually used one. And it's Dan and Phil.

10 I spent somewhere between 45-55 dollars only on pink men's dress clothes then promptly actually cried when I put on an all-pink outfit and realized I did not have pink shoelaces, only purple. Even my socks had pink. My shoes did not.

11 pink is my favorite color as of literally the day I bought the dress clothes, which was 5 days ago as I write this (June 16th).

12 I saw a video on TikTok about a guy named Nik (judyhoppslovr69) being dead and promptly sobbed for two hours. It has been three days and he has revealed he is still alive. I cried seeing the video of him alive.

13 I dislike ever flavor of Gatorade except orange and lemon lime.

Thank you everyone for your cooperation.

Edit: please reblog for more traction and more votes. Thank youuu

[canonically47]

"hey geo did you see the-" YES I DID SEE THE NEW DCAS TRAILER AND YES I WILL TALK ABOUT IT THANK YOU SO MUCH RANDOM ASKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

guys i am soooooooo normal about seeing james fiore and ellie again i feel so normal guys i am not gnawing at the bars of my enclosure at all i feel normal and not unnormal at all SO NORMALLLLLLLLLL

MY FUCKING. FAVS. (granted lake is just ok in my books but STILL HER!!!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!) LOOK AT THEM. LOOK AT MY EVIL LITTLE SISTER. LOOK AT MY EVIL WIFE. LOOK AT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ALEC AND FIORE ARE WORKING TOGETHER I AM CRYING SOBBING THROWING UP LOOK AT THEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME

shut the FUCK up about jake OKAY YKNOW WHAT im tired of making it about jake. LOOK at miriam and tom catching up (and obviously talking about that twink) LOOOOOOK AT THEMMMM

also!!!! WHA

me when connor finally puts riya in her place (i've been waiting on this since episode one)

james and yul reunion was NOT on my bingo card but oh my god james should just do that poison thing all over again i cannot wait

hey guys not to make this about jake but LOOK AT HIM HE'S SCREAMING YAY jake dies this episode guys real not clickbait /j

anyways my theories are:

krystal threatens to kick out the current contestants if they don't help their respective pair, which makes sense when you get yul and james who should hate each other from what i remember

yul at some point messes someone up (hence "LOSER" in the beginning of the video) - possibly jake & ashley since "ARE YOU OKAY JAKE" and "you bitch" are played besides yul's clip, but that could mean anything that's just my idea

guys i don't think fiore is gonna make it. i am fiore truthing so hard but she looks pissed off at connor and i think he's going to mess it up for her oh my god connor when i catch you connor

none of the finalists make it because duh. miriam, ellie and... sobbing loudly... james......... probably do not come back

...and neither does ashley because she was JUST kicked out and jake fucking sucks from what we can see and they're definitely partnered up because nobody else would stand jake

my money is on lake and if anybody else but her or fiore (or my favs: ellie, miriam, james) comes back then this whole show is rigged and i will never watch it ever again (watch fucking HUNTER or something win i would THROW HANDS)

yknow what scratch that. itd be hilarious if connor of all people won and he just came back and fucked riya over and proceeded to make it to finale. please don't let that happen but it would be funny i think..

anyways rare geo is excited for DCAS moment i am so ready for june 6th :3 :3 :3

oh yeah and derek is alive!! they remembered he exists!!!! wow!!!!!!!!! he looks much happier to see trevor than usually so maybe this or episode 12 is when the confession happens. would love to finally see it and i hope they dont mess them up!!

[https-furina]

perse’s fave reads of june 2023

we’re halfway through the year and another month is over! here is the second edition of my monthly reads and as expected it’s a lot longer than last month - this month contains fics that are mature 18+ content. they are marked using 🔞, minors do not interact! as usual, these are not ranked nor do i favour any specifically; in fact i think they’re in order of me discovering them lmao.

♡ fake it till we make it by @kazumist — fem!reader

i told you it’d be back in june! this was in my may reads - it’s a scaramouche college!au socmed!au that was just started when i added it last month but now it’s almost over! mayhaps i’m a little pained that it’s finally ending, how will i cope going forward in life <3

♡ the art of desire by @dustofthedailylife — gn!reader

this fic is sfw but a little suggestive! this is a fluff fic for alhaitham where the reader is in need of a model for their anatomy class and surprisingly their crush of all people volunteers for the job.

♡ honeyed kisses by @solarisfortuneia — gn!reader

the only non-genshin fic on this whole list belongs to one of my own mutuals! this is a jing yuan fluff that i just adore. i’m really down bad for any man that alejandro saab voices (staring at you too, cyno.)

♡ stress reliever by @aeferfckr — 🔞 gn!reader

stress reliever is an overworked aether x reader smut that just… hits right - like chef’s kiss lmao. there’s not much for me to give other than all legal adults must appreciate this beauty at least one time in their life.

♡ the moon is beautiful, isn’t it? by @mondaymelon — gn!reader

fluff headcanons involving xiao, kazuha & scaramouche - it also involves lil snippets of mandarin chinese and japanese! these are focused around the concept of the title since saying "the moon is beautiful, isn't it?" is more or less a poetic way of saying i love you in japanese. something i heavily appreciate since the japanese language is a shared connection between my father and i.

♡ grocery lessons by @solarisfortuneia — gn!reader

mika again!! this is a modern!au strangers to lovers (sorta) fic with diluc where diluc is kinda useless at grocery shopping and reader is a helpful bean.

♡ your attention by @hanilessa — fem!reader

parent!au fluff headcanons for diluc, kaeya, ayato & thoma where they're a little jealous that all your attention goes on your newborn baby. i love the concept of genshin characters as parents, i need more of this content aaaah!

♡ caught in the act by @iheartganyu — gn!reader

this is sfw but it is a little suggestive! getting caught making out headcanons for venti, zhongli, raiden, albedo, yelan, xiao, dehya, alhaitham & kaveh! extensive list of options there which is great because i'm panromantic and i need to inhale genshin women content like it's oxygen at least twice monthly in order to survive.

♡ meet cutes by @kazumist — gn!reader

first meeting headcanons in a modern!au setting for kazuha, diluc, kaeya & zhongli. with the amount of modern!au on the list, it's a little hard to believe that i'm not a huge fan of it? but some things (like these headcanons) just hit right.

♡ insufferable by @lovevivi444 — gn!reader

another mutual written fic! this is a modern!au fic written by my lovely vivi for alhaitham where reader and alhaitham are class rivals - it's fluff and it's funny to bicker with alhaitham. vivi coming through with another one of my rare exceptions of liking a modern!au hehe.

♡ it’s a symbol of our friendship by @hollythius-rising — gn!reader

these are secret relationship headcanons (fluffy!) for alhaitham, kaveh, tighnari & childe. perhaps i ugly sobbed, no i will not be elaborating but i loved these - we need more secret relationship content in this fandom or am i just not finding it?

♡ alhaitham’s the type of guy to… by @cosmicisms — gn!reader

the title gives it away but this is some alhaitham fluff that made me a little delulu but only because i headcanon him this exact same way (definitely not because it's alhaitham...)

♡ being the genshin men’s first priority by @shanieveh — gn!reader

these are a series of fluff headcanons for alhaitham, kaeya, cyno, kaveh, scaramouche & ayato when it comes to them prioritising you above all else (including work!), very good at making you feel wanted and appreciated hehe.

♡ night-time mayhem by @kavehssuitcase — gn!reader

a shikanoin heizou fluff written by none other than my mutual bell!! this was after i requested heizou fluff on my blog because i'd had a really bad day and the reaction pic i used when i reblogged it was honestly my true emotions - i still go back and reread this bell i hope you know that <3

♡ be mine by @zephestia — fem!reader

be mine is a university!au socmed!au for shikanoin heizou! it's currently ongoing and it's fluff + crack of heizou basically becoming a simp and 6reeze is involved and it's like a culmination of my favourite things of course.

♡ kiss me under the spotlight by @papiliotao — gn!reader

these are a series of actor!au headcanons for scaramouche, kazuha & xiao separately. all fluff and had me giggling and wishing i was an actress suddenly?? i'm a sucker for aus like these even though i'm not a big fan of modern!au.

♡ the language of a book by @lumiestique — fem!reader

this is a fluff confession involving alhaitham! just has me giggling because alhaitham isn't good with emotions & feelings and that's exactly how i headcanon that man.

♡ beneath the milky twilight by @lovevivi444 — gn!reader

a very recent series of headcanons from vivi to celebrate her reaching 100 followers (go show her some love!) modern!au with kaeya, albedo, cyno, dainsleif & alhaitham where you ditch prom with them!

♡ ring sizes by @sea-lanterns — gn!reader

a nblw series of fluff headcanons for eula, yelan, miko & ningguang where the women are trying to find your ring size! it's only mildly suggestive for miko and they're all established relationships. man, i love women <3

© https-heizou 2023.

[cyberdragoninfinity]

Hello, I've been enjoying your Arc-V reactions so much. I had a question since you called Yuya your favorite protagonist, do you have some like deeper character analysis thoughts on him? I feel like I had a strong grasp of his character in season 1, but in seasons 2 and 3 I don't think I understood well what the writers were going for with him, other than he's extremely repressed because both parents told him he's never allowed to get angry or cry and express any negative emotions.

WAH THANK YOU apologies this took ten thousand years to get to..late june/july is always busy for my art fightin' ass

ANYWAY IVE BEEN HMMING AND PONDERING OVER THIS FOR A WHILE and like. i think the tricky thing with yuya is that, well, i don't think the WRITERS even fully had a grasp on what they wanted to go for with him in the later seasons (and/or what they wanted to do with arc-v's themes. and the plot. and the all of it lmao) so it really is a bit of a 'there's multiple reads you can have on this character and while not all of 'em are right, not all of 'em are probably wrong either'; the narrative frankly doesn't have a strong enough backbone for like the entire second half to put full conviction into one definite read. Great news for guys who like to think way too much about yugioh characters!! Less great news for "trying to actually grasp wtf the actual honest to god true intent of the writing was" 🥴

All that on the table and now aside, let's talk about the little unwell tomato of the hour. First I do think it's a bit misleading to say Yuya's especially repressed, per say--there's an element of unconscious ignoring/avoidance to repression, and let's be real this kid is certainly not ignoring his negative emotions. The negative emotions are beating his ass. He is spending half the series having catastrophic emotional meltdowns and veering directly into sobs and explosive rage outbursts and feeling Bad almost constantly. I think with him it's more an instance of him having just an absolute pisspoor handling on his emotional regulation... because yeah his parents have been giving him terrible self-help advice for years </3

I don't think theyve necessarily told him he's not allowed to be sad/get angry/express negative emotions--instead it's more of a case where (with Yusho especially) Yuya's being told if he DOES feel sad or upset, then that needs to be met with a smile in order to truly push past it and to feel better, i.e. if you fake the laughter then it will become genuine laughter and youll be a-ok and HAPPY!! YAY HAPPY ^_^ (yusho you cant fucking say that to your coughing baby who's also a hydrogen bomb!!!! oh god!!!!)

arc-v is Very into this idea of illustration emotions as through the metaphor of a pendulum (huh wonder why) especially like.... 'when you're crying, laugh instead, and that will swing your emotions back around again into positive ones' and 'if you're courageous and confident and push through feeling upset, that courage will swing back and turn into happiness.' which is like... IT'S ALMOST SOMETHING. THEYRE ALMOST SAYING SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. BUT YUYA IS SUCH A BAD MAIN CHARACTER TO EMBODY THIS THEMATIC CONCEPT. he's neurotic and kind of not particularly brave and wretchedly insecure and again his emotional regulation is complete dogwater and he's not a very good, confident duelist (or showman even) and so on and so forth. And the problem I think is as you get into season 2 and 3 the stakes keep getting higher and urgent but Yuya doesn't really like.... Grow very much in those aforementioned areas. They just start piling more and more insane shit on him and then it's not just his dad telling him to smile more but also like half the rest of the cast and the narrative itself BUT THERE NEVER GETS TO BE A MOMENT WHERE LIKE. THAT MANTRA FEELS EARNED, FOR YUYA. The writers reeeeally really want him to be this embodiment of laughter and always swinging back around to smile in the face of adversity but most of the moments we see them trying to make Yuya out to be this in the show, where his dueling brings smiles to everyone and ends classism and makes the bad guys nice immediately, they just feel kind of....fake. ive mentioned before how the end of arc-v feels like a fake tumblr post but alongside that a lot of season 2/3's writing for yuya feels like the exaggerated parody of steven universe that su critical blogs in 2015 were convincing themselves existed. and don't get me wrong it's fucking hysterical, I think it's hilarious yuya fixed arc-v aster in like two duels and now he's not an authoritarian child soldier anymore, but we do have to also Be So Serious.

sorry i just needed to post CHILL OUT ON THE GLOOM AND DOOM :/ again. this aster definitely has killed people but it's fine yuya fixed him. he's fine.

IMO It's hard to get a grasp on/understand Yuya's character in the later half of the series cuz yuya's character is so weighed down with these big idealistic themes the show didn't actually put any work towards getting him on a narratively satisfying track to fulfill them. He spends like 2/3s of season two literally locked in rooms astral projecting every so often like COME ON. and season 3 much like a lot of arc-v ALMOST GETS THERE. ALMOST SAYS SOMETHING, WITH YURI AND WITH ZARC. What happens when someone's happiness comes about from pain and violence? What happens when a smile is full of malice? That could be such a cool opportunity to explore the pitfalls of the pendulum emotion metaphor the show sets up, how that can be twisted into something harmful, but. well. that's not what we got huh :,)

anyway all that to say i think yuya's a sweet kid who has such a genuinely big heart and is a really interesting character, but it's almost this sort of key feature of his that he's really not a terribly happy person despite the smiley emoji-shaped hole the show's plot tries to jam him into (and cuz of that there's just so much dissonance in that that makes his whole deal kind of murky when all is said and done.) he's really a character that just has nonstop shit Happening to him whether he wants it to or not and it's kind of insane how little agency he has for like... So Much of the Show. He's made into a mouthpiece for Smile Away Da Pain and like.... for what? [arc-v spoilers if it matters] at the end of the series the other three yuboys are effectively dead and soul-absorbed and don't come back and it's like. you cant Smile World that loss away, arc-v. yknow?

i have no idea what my point was anymore, it is very late haha. LOVE YUYA. THEY COULD HAVE SAID SOME REALLY THOUGHT PROVOKING SHIT WITH HIM. AND YET !