#jude perry save me

[greensaplinggrace]

unfortunately i'm like 160 episodes into tma and still don't get the obsession with martin. like i don't hate him but also- literally every other character and relationship is more interesting. also fanon version of him sucks lol. canon version of him is actually appealing to me in some ways, but considering fanon martin makes 90% of tma fic unreadable, i'm not too stoked about even having him tagged half the time.

[theboombutton]

The interesting thing about tmagp episode 9 is that, from one perspective, it's about a pair of dice that kill you if you roll a crit fail. And in TMA that would be very End-coded. Games of chance were End-coded, and death is obviously The End. Open and shut case.

Except it's not, here. The statement giver had never seen anyone roll a 2 before he ran into Gary in that coffee shop, even after thousands of rolls. That's not an End artifact. Those dice are going out of their way not to kill anyone, save those who try to part with them.

The compulsion to roll feels like the Web, but is it? Certainly games of chance can become addicting, but I don't think that's the whole story. The Web is about the fear of the loss of control, yes, but it's also about something else controlling you instead. Here that something else is an embodiment of "random" chance - although again, it's not properly-random, not even pseudorandom. I have thoughts on that but they're best addressed further on.

Weirdly, of all the manifestations of Fear from TMA, this statement seems most akin to Jude Perry's - rolling the dice with other people's lives and fortunes, for the thrill of sometimes devastating them.

Which brings me back to the possibility of AU Fears.

In the Protocolverse, why shouldn't there be a Fear associated with chance and luck and fate and misfortune that happens for no good reason? A fear of lacking control and losing everything, without anyone else necessarily having that control.

This is where the way the dice are rigged becomes possibly meaningful. Their outcomes aren't random - they're what humans expect random to look like. They operate according to the gambler's fallacy, where the longer a chain of bad luck you have the more you're due for a good roll, and vice versa. Snake eyes aren't just a normal outcome of the 1-in-36 chance of rolling 2d6 - they're reserved for when someone is cursed with truly rotten luck. Notably that isn't true of boxcars: those just happen sometimes, without prerequisite.

Logically, a Fear of Misfortune wouldn't operate on the actual rules of probability, would it? It would be shaped by the superstitions of those that feared it.

(Also, I hope this statement puts the "they're not fears they're desires!" theory to bed. This guy didn't want the dice, and didn't especially want to roll them, but seemed compelled to anyway.)

[v1olent-l1ttle-th1ng]

Alright y’all so I’m someone who likes to associate songs with character relationships so I figured I’d share some of my favourites on here. I have playlists for most of these so if you want more songs let me know!

Violet and Xaden:

Stand By You - Marlissa. This song gives me Onyx Storm vibes so hard. Like I actively squeal every time I listen to it it’s so good. “The hurt in your eyes” “I will stand by you.” Ugh. PERFECTION.

The Last Time - Taylor Swift. Listen to it. Need I say more.

Castles Crumbling - Taylor Swift. Again. Just listen to it. So. Good.

Sinners - Lauren Aquilina. “The world may disapprove but my world is only you.” Um hello. Yes.

Little Do You Know - Alex and Sierra. Pure. Gold.

High, high, high. - Camylio. This one’s from Xaden’s POV for me. “You get me high, high, high oh with just your smile, my love.” I mean ya. Basically all of Xaden’s feeling in summary.

In The End - Beth Crawley

I Did It For You - David Cook

Also, spoiler alert if it wasn’t already obvious, these two are my literally faves so apologies if I have more favourite songs for them than for others. I think my Riorgail playlist is several hours long at this point.

Feyre and Rhys:

Rescue - Lauren Daigle. “I will send out an army to find you, in the middle of the darkest night.” Cassian and Azriel coming to rescue Feyre and Lucian. Like hello. I swear this song was made for them.

You Say - Lauren Daigle. Again, just listen to it.

Right Here, With You - David Cook. Rhys accepting Feyre and her trauma and comforting her. Ugh. Amazing.

Broken - Isak Danielson. Basically how I think Rhys feels towards Feyre about Tamlin.

The Dark - Aracana

Kai and Paedyn:

Just Cause I Love You - Avery Anna. I just get SO MANY kaipae vibes from this. “Just cause I love you, don’t mean I want to.” UGH MY BABIES.

Hurts Like Hell - Fleurie and Tommee Profitt. If you’ve read these books and love these two like I do, seriously listen to this.

Jude and Cardan:

I like TCP, don’t get me wrong, but it’s definitely not my fave. I know it’s pretty popular on here though so I figured I’d add one.

Letting Someone Go - Zach Bryan. Honestly summarizes their feelings for basically the whole series after Cardan’s initial confession in my opinion.

Tris and Tobias:

I don’t know if anyone is still into Divergent, but this series (minus Allegiant because we pretend it doesn’t exist) literally gave me life when it came out. Like I re-read it so many times.

Just Give Me A Reason - Pink. Literally all of Insurgent. Like I don’t even think this requires an explanation.

June and Day:

Last Kiss - Taylor Swift. The ending of Champion absolutely wrecked me when I first read it but after I found out about Rebel (literally only like 2 years ago) I was saved.

I also have several TV show couples that I have playlists for too so buckle up:

Grey’s Anatomy:

I legit have like a 10 hour Grey’s Anatomy playlist so if this is something you want just message me. Early Grey’s Anatomy had me in such a chokehold in high school it’s not even funny.

Once Upon a Time:

I’m a sucker for Emma and Killian. I watched OUAT so much growing up.

Arms - Christina Perri

The Words - Christina Perri

Olivia and Fitz:

I have also been obsessed with Scandal for like ever! I’m also currently rewatching and ugh, Olitz, my babies.

The Only Exception - Paramore

Deep End - Birdy

Elizabeth and Ressler:

I don’t know how popular the Blacklist is on here, but I became OBSESSED with these two during covid lockdown. And no, I have not seen any of the latest seasons because I refuse to watch the last episode of season 8 so that I can pretend it doesn’t exist.

Break My Heart Again - Finneas. If you know these two, you know.

Don’t Give Up On Me - Andy Grammer

Start A Riot - Banners

Anyways, that’s all for now! Message me if you want playlist links :)

[landscaping-your-mind]

Every day I think about episode 160 and cry. Like. Like. Jesus christ! The. Everything. Like. Every so often I think of TheOestOfOCs’ tag on their Dracula fusion fic, “this is still a fix it fic compared to canon” AND IT IS??? Fucking. Apparently Elias kidnapping Jon and turning him into a vampire and generally being the most awful person ever is a FIX IT FIC compared to what we’ve got.

And I’m like, I’m not complaining, I signed up for this, but like yeah, signed up for this (emotional ruin), but that doesnt make me HAPPIER ABOUT IT?

Okay, so, it’s three years, about. Starts in 2015, 2016. Ends in 2018. Because. Goddamnit. And it’s just. He gets eaten by fucking worms. You know that line, “one hand on the gas release from the start”? That line lives in my head rent free, because it’s… Elias is holding the cards, he has Jon’s fate in the bloody PALM OF HIS HAND and just… yknow how. Like. Fucked up Jon is in MAG 40? How he keeps asking them to Please Not Talk About The Worms, I Know About The Worms, Stop, I Beg Of Thee. And Elias is there, Elias is talking, Elias is seeing all of this and he’s just like “jolly good, job well done, 11 more to go!”

And just… Sasha. Tim. Melanie, Martin. Basira and Daisy. Everyone who got caught in the crossfire. Sasha, who died, unintentionally on Elias’ part, for a mark that was redundant. Tim, who died saving a world Elias knew was never in danger from the Unknowing. Melanie, who had to gouge her bloody eyes out, because Elias decided she was useful to him.

Useful. Fucking bastard.

And then, and then, season 3, right! God, I’m just thinking about Jude Perry’s mark, because that’s a burn, he probably didn’t go to a hospital, since he was on the run for a murder, so considering Lightless Flame nonsense, that’s probably a severe burn that probably caused nerve damage, caused a difficulty moving that hand, presumably the right hand, because I don’t think they were doing a scouts handshake. And while I do try make all my blorbos left-handed, Jon’s most likely right-handed. And even if he’s not, he still probably can’t move his right-hand right because someone decided to end the world through him, like a fucking bastard! That’s what gets me, right. It’s that everything, everything Jon’s bloody been through for Elias’ plans is immortalized on his skin, with his scars. Psychological trauma just isn’t enough for him, there has to be a constant reminder every time Jon looks at himself.

And then! And then! Speaking of season 3, what the fuck was that second kidnapping? Like, first kidnapping was horrifying but it was “for the plan” and the third kidnapping was in America and somehow “not that bad,” yknow, compared to finding out you’re like, physically dependent on reading horror stories, and your fucking awful bastard of a boss decided to drop that bombshell on you while you were actively, yknow, GETTING SICK FROM IT! Oh Joy. But second kidnapping was a) redundant, he’d already gotten the Stranger mark. b) completely fixable.

Completely fucking fixable. Just. Tell them. Tell them where he is, or tell them that’s he’s been kidnapped, if Elias doesn’t know, I think he did, because I think he’s exactly the kind of bastard who would just let it happen despite knowing exactly how to stop it.

And you know why? Why I think? Because that’s easier, right. It’s harder to be self-destructive, it’s harder to throw yourself into Situations, it’s harder to be isolated when you have one extra month to reconnect with your colleagues.

A month. Maybe the month would have done nothing. Maybe the month would have helped Jon and Tim. Or Jon and Melanie. Or Jon and Basira. Jon and Martin were already fine, and Jon and Daisy at that point is… ah… Nope.

And you think a month is bad? 6 months. And I know, everyone was suffering — Martin especially— while Jon was gone, and I know that it’s other people’s trauma that he’s watching and actively perpetuating, but! That’s also traumatizing!! It’s traumatic to have to watch other people’s worst nightmares for six months straight with no end in sight. It’s traumatic to have to. Everything??? Fucking everything in MAG 120??? I can pull quotes but that’ll detract from the rambliness of this. I’ll do that sometime, I will.

And honestly, season 4 is just a fucking mess, it’s. It’s. I’m sad about it. I’m Very sad about it, and. God. Like. It’s just. Melanie hates him, and part of that is because Elias used him as a meat shield in MAG 101, not all, not most, but part. Jon’s a monster now, and he’s hurting people, and there’s got to be a little voice in his head telling him he’s just like Elias when Elias is the one who made him like this. And they’re tearing each other apart and Jon is diving into Situations and Elias is watching from prison all fucking smug and then MAG 158 happens, god. damn. MAG 158 happens.

“I called you.” Like a fucking dog. Like. Like. “Are you scared, Jon” “Yes” “Good”

I have the words for MAG 159. A bet. A fucking bet. A motherfucking bet. I do not think I need to detail how horrifying and dehumanizing and horrible that is???? I don’t think I need to do that.

A bet. A bet.

And it brings us back to MAG 160. Make him monologue every fucking time this happened, every fucking time Elias used him to end the world, marked him, can’t word. But. Horrifying. Jesus.

2, 3 years. “You are a living chronicle of terror” what kind of fear. Over two years, just. Two fucking years.

But it’s not two. Not three.

It’s his whole bloody life, his whole life, leading up to this. End the world. Spread it. This is it, his purpose, he’s spent so long hurting himself for a purpose.

And at the end, after everything he’s done, after everything that’s been done to him, by Jonah Magnus, by the Web or fears or-

He can’t break free. He follows his purpose. He dances the steps he was assigned.

[vickozone]

The Magnus Archives

-S3 Notes-

WAY MORE NOTES

More fanart is definitely coming soon.

<- previous notes next notes ->

Handwriting translated below:

#81 childhood neurodivergent trauma. I like Georgie already. … I… didn’t like this episode very much. It reminds me too much of myself…

#82 Elias has the eye powers

#83 “The Stranger.” Circus and delivery service seem to theme. But, how?

#84 Martin is filling in for Jon, old “graveyard”, Melanie is archival assistant?

#85 “The Spiral”, someone isn’t not existing, Georgie is going on a date.

#86 The blanket never did anything, Jon spills some tea.

#87 Sebastian was so oblivious that Megan had to invite him back to notice something was up. [what an icon] Also, mentions of the lightless flame, the stranger, and some weird ritual. Jude Perry even needed to show up!

#88 The calliope is GONE. DIG. Martin really got into that statement and I do not trust Daisy one bit.

#89 Perry is The Desolation and Jon’s hand is TOTALLY singed off

#90 Jared is a bodybuilder and a butcher? He’s the Barbie of TMA. Also, strong women.

#91 Just as quick as he came, Michael Crew, [avatar of?] The Vast, is dead. Daisy is strangling Jon and we learn he can make people speak. AAAA NOT HIS THROAT!

#92 Elias confesses to killing Gertrude and Jurgen, Basira now works at the institute, “Hunt” is associated with Daisy, Jon is so mentally and physically unwell, and more details about the avatars.

#93 Admiral, delivery service, Georgie learns the truth, “Jonathan Sims, are you trying to save the world?”

#94 Georgie talks about her own experiences with death

#95 Martin reads statement regarding 2nd World War. He cares for Jon… a lot…

#96 Breekon and Hope backstory, and Daisy/Jon interview Sarah Baldwin

#97 “ELIAS, WHAT IS MY METAPHORICAL PIT?!” Also, Nikola Orsinov is that stranger chic.

#98 Maxwell, sandman, and Mel is new to poisoning people.

#99 The buried, Michael used to work for Gertrude, Jon is moving out and he got kidnapped— HOW MANY TIMES IS HE GONNA GET HURT?! (HIS LAST NAME IS SHELLEY?! 🥺)

#100 This is so hard to listen to. This literally hurts my brain.

#101 Michael. He… IT shares its statement. Gertrude created Michael. It got sucked through its own door, making way for… Helen Richardson. “He trusted her.” (I feel I am being too tame. MICHAEL IS DEAD?!)

#102 Jon + Mel planning to kill Elias right in front of him, Jon spoke French, more bugs.

#103 Demon pig

#104 If Tim dies… oh, he’s so hurt…

#105 Jon goes to china, The End mentioned, he is rather oblivious.

#106 The space and vast, also Melanie + Basira are shipping Martin and Jon. Stoppp! Also, Elias is pure evil. Jon is also ace.

#107 Jon travels the world, meets murderer’s daughter and vampire hunter! Power trio!

#108 “The world’s a stage…” + PETER LUKAS, MY BOY

#109 More of the trio and how they met. Mustermann just needs some quiet lol

#110 creepy spider movie director. Martin finds a way to distract Elias. ALEXIA. YOU GO!

#111 GERRY! NO! Also, there’s 14 fears. This episode is legit one of the most important.

#112 Friends take turns killing one another, and Barisa + Daisy are… friendly

#113 Gertrude knew Adelard, The End avatar, and Martin needs to keep his hands to himself! “TURN IT OFF!” 😰

#114 Hill Top Road cleaner, and we are off to blow a place up! :D

#115 yo. It’s the antique guy. Also, Helen is nothing like Michael… she’s… pure, somehow?

#116 This was the most confusing thing I’ve ever heard. I’m killing Leitner again if Tim dies.

#117 They all give their statements before The Unknowing. Tim… oh, Martin is so gay and Gerard is gone…

#118 I actually cried. Martin, you sweet boy, you don’t deserve this— WHAT IS HAPPENING!? NAH! NOPE!

#119 16 MINUTES OF PURE CONFUSION. I CAN’T EVEN START IMAGINING A SETTING! Kaboom.

#120 Tim is… dead. Lukas is in charge and Jon is in the hospital. (I need to lie down)

[nightcorecarseatheadrest]

JUDE PERRY AND KIPPERLILLY COPPERKETTLE PARALLELS SAVE ME

[milkteamoon]

2022 fanfic review ✨

2023 is the year we are bringing BACK fic rec lists, so I wanted to put together a list of fics that I really enjoyed this year. Thank you all who made 2022 just a bit more bearable! (Note: ratings vary for these, please read the tags!)

▷ Antigonish by softlyblue - (complete, 10/10) Martin inherits a haunted house and hires ghost-seeing Jon to deal with something that wants to kill him. I love the slowburn in this fic so very much and highly recommend it.

▷ Beholding the GDPR by shinyopals - (oneshot) The Magnus Institute updates its privacy policies. This fic is so very funny and has a really neat formatting too!

▷ There Are Ghosts in This Story by whynotfly - (complete, 3/3) Something is very wrong with the Institute, but only Martin and Jon can see it. Honestly made me lie on the ground and contemplate existence after finishing it.

▷ Snare by prim_the_amazing - (oneshot) What if the Web claimed Jon long before the Eye? I really love the scenario this fic posits, as well as the characterization of my favorite girl Annabelle.

▷ Terror Management Theory by prismatical - (oneshot) Jon can’t die; this causes more inconveniences than one might think. This fic has such a fun premise and really is a wonderful and emotional ride!

▷ Mister Fahrenheit by masokissme - (oneshot) Jon deals with a fever after his encounter with Jude Perry, and Elias...sorta helps. I really loved the characterization of both Elias and Jon in this fic and think the author really captured the hilarity of their dynamic.

▷ How Not To Perform Customer Service Interactions by vienna_salvatori - (oneshot) The Magnus Institute from outsiders’ perspectives. This fic was hilarious and really captures the inherent humor of being just some guy in a world filled with eldritch horrors.

▷ Of Your Dreams by saintbleeding - (oneshot) Martin dreams of Jon while he’s in a coma. I love love love the horror of this fic; it truly left me feeling haunted long after I finished it.

▷ For a Firmament by supaslim - (series, 2 fics) Jon and his relationship to his own humanity. This is a very lovely s4 canon-divergence that has one of the best understandings of Jon’s character that I’ve read thus far.

▷ From the Highways to the Hills by blackwood - (oneshot) Georgie, Jon, and what they mean together. This fic looks at Jon and Georgie’s relationship through college, and I think the characterization of Georgie is particularly of note in its ability to stay true to her negative traits and still make her sympathetic.

▷ Jared Hopworth, Chiropractor by breekon - (oneshot) Jared’s side hustle, it’s all in the title. This fic is honestly just very funny and I love speculating as to what the avatars do in their off time.

▷ What Survives of Us by wildehack - (complete, 3/3) Jon wakes up after the Unknowing - after the end of the world. I don’t usually read post-canon but this one really got me and I think it truly feels like it could be canon.

▷ A Deeply Annoying Child by ajkal2 - (oneshot) A kid, a Leitner, and the consequences that follow. This is a really lovely look at Jon and Tim’s s3 relationship through a bit of a different lens.

▷ Won My Bride at a Poker Game by prim_the_amazing - (complete, 8/8) Martin saves a moth from a spider and deals with the unintended consequences. This fic is a very sweet slowburn that deals with fairy Jon and all of magic’s many intricacies.

▷ From Cradle to Cremation by did - (oneshot) Oliver Banks vs. making small talk with attractive people. I love fics focused on side characters, and Oliver’s internal monologue in this definitely worth the read.

[aquietweirdo]

First listen to: MAG 130 - Meat

I usually like listening to the meat statements. The ones about religion though are hit or miss for me. I couldn’t focus during this statement at all. I liked hearing a Gertrude recording though. Haven’t heard one of those in a while.

“What’s another scar?” That line means so much when you know what happens. I know that Elias has a plan that comes to fruition at the end of the season. But I don’t know exactly what needs to happen for his plan to work. Does Jon need to be injured by all the fears or does he just need to come into contact with them?

He got holes in his skin by Jane Prentiss. His hand was burned by Jude Perry. He got stabbed by Michael. Mike Crew gave him vertigo. Nikola Orsinov kidnapped Jon and almost skinned him. He’s already an avatar for the Eye. He was almost killed by the Web as a kid. He’s about to go in the coffin to save Daisy. He’s got 8/14 fears depending on the criteria.

Jon also nearly died and was awoken by Oliver Banks. Jon was stabbed by Melanie who was marked by the Slaughter. Since waking from the coma Jon has been shunned by everyone he knows. That brings us up to 11/14 possibly. I was wondering if Peter Lukas was trying to betray Elias but now I’m sure that they’re working together. Elias has Basira on a wild goose chase while Peter is isolating Martin from everyone. This is how Jon gets marked by the Lonely.

[envihellbender]

Avatars/John bad times nc jamboree (Lonely!Martin included or not up to you)

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Characters: Jonathon Sims, Elias Bouchard, Mike Crew, Simon Fairchild, Michael The Distortion, Annabelle Cane, Peter Lukas, Jude Perry, Nikola Orsinov, Hezekiah Wakely, Maxwell Rayner, Daisy Tanner, Jane Prentiss, Jared Hopworth, Oliver Banks, Martin Blackwood

Rating: Explicit, MDNI, 18+

Content: trans man John Sims (yes trans men on T get prostate tissue look it up), heavy noncon, I’m serious - dead dove do not eat, breeding, oral, torture, genital torture, somnophilia (maybe?), restraints, riding crop, spiders, teratophilia, candle wax, rimming, sex from an invisible guy, breast torture, wound fucking, rats, buried alive, gore, sensory deprivation, misgendering, force feminisation of a trans man, brief CSA implication (nothing explicit or mention), worms, being fucked by worms, bone fucking, body horror, cervix penetration

Elias Bouchard / The Eye

“Well, well, John,” Elias taunted as he ran one finger down John’s terrified face. The Archivist tried to squirm away but the bonds around his wrists kept him tied to the bed and unable to do much other than struggle and make the bed creak. The last thing he knew they had been in Elias’s office, now it seemed he was in a similarly furnished bedroom, all polished oak and green silks.

“This- this isn’t real. It’s a dream you forced into my head it’s not real,” John said to himself desperately. “It’s not-”

“I hope telling yourself that does make the process easier for you, I really do John,” Elias hummed as he undressed. He approached John, placing himself between his legs. In return John squirmed and kicked, desperate to get free. Elias crushed John’s thin, scrawny body beneath his rendering him helpless. He positioned John’s legs onto his shoulders, stretching them out unnaturally far, and pressed his whole body weight down onto him until his ankles were next to his ears. John could feel Elias’s hard cock at his hole, mocking him, telling him at any moment he was about to be impaled as John knew his cunt wasn’t aroused or wet enough. He knew Elias had no intention of using any form of lubrication.

“This position,” Elias hissed. “Is colloquially known as ‘mating press’ if you’re a good boy, I’ll make sure not to use this to my advantage. Unless you’d like to get fat from my seed, John?” The Archivist shook his head, rather frantically to Elias’s amusement. “A shame, truly. Now, let’s get on with things. You have quite a few to see to tonight.” John swallowed and stared at the ceiling, hoping Elias was bluffing.

Mike Crew / The Vast

The next one was Mike Crew, who snorted with laughter as he saw John with his wrists tied up, and his body sore and shaking. He was left in just his white work shirt, it was stained with his own blood but he was undressed otherwise - cum dripping down his thighs. Mike didn’t say anything about the display, just walked around the bed, poking and pulling at John whenever he thought it necessary. Eventually, he climbed on top of John, and sat cross-legged on his chest.

“Hey. Archivist,” Mike began. He prodded John’s cheek curiously. “Apparently I get to do whatever I want with you now. So long as you stay in this room. And stay alive. Which limits us a bit.”

“Mike,” John grunted. He clenched his teeth, clearly not willing to chat before the event.

“Personally,” Mike continued with a smirk, clearly enjoying seeing John beneath him. “I wanted to rape you on top of your apartment building. Have you bent over the railings, where the only thing stopping you from hitting the road below in a bloody splat is me.”

“Sorry me being left at your mercy isn’t quite on your terms.” John’s sarcastic tone was met with a pale thin, wrist around his throat.

“That’s why I’m going to save that for next time. For now, I’m just going to use that snarky, shitty little mouth of yours. See how those nice blowjob lips look around my cock.” Mike shuffled a little too quickly, pulling down his belt and jeans and then the torment began.

Simon Fairchild / The Vast

After Mike had used him, John was surprised to discover his bonds disappeared. He sat up on the single bed that creaked with every movement to see Simon Fairchild on the other side of the room. There he sat, with a smug, infuriating smile on his lips, and before either of them could say anything. The room changed. The walls no longer existed and it looked as if they had ridden miles into the air, the clouds beneath them and planes rushing past as the air was so thin John felt his chest grow tight as his lungs protested. Whilst his focus was on that, the vast empty surroundings and the cold air biting him, he hadn’t even noticed that Simon Fairchild sat delicately in the bed until his hand was on his thigh.

“You are rather handsome you know, Archivist, almost like a scarred battle veteran from the days of old… not literally of course, you’re much smaller, skinnier, and frailer. But you have the eyes and skin for it,” Simon hummed, his pale eyes narrowed like a hawk about to lunge for a hare.

“Can we just get this over with?” John mumbled, his body aching and tired. Gusts of wind kept rushing through the room and even though he knew he was in no danger he still gripped to the side of the bed.

“Oh come now, Archivist, you know me better than that.” Simon grabbed John by the throat, resulting in the room disappearing and him hanging in the air. He felt his stomach lurch, twisting as his limbs became restrained through air pressure alone and the ice cold wind was like daggers in his skin. His mind stopped. He couldn’t think or process anything, it was as if he had vertigo to such an extreme level. It felt like his brain had frostbite. The only thing he was aware of was when Simon’s breath was in his ear and he whispered: “fancy joining the, what do you call it, ah, yes! The mile high club?”

Michael / The Distortion

John was still shaking when Michael appeared, through a door that materialised as if from nowhere. He was almost relieved, at least this time the room would remain on the ground. Michael waltzed in, his head unnaturally tilted and his grin terrifyingly wide. He wandered over, phasing in and out of reality with each step, his body becoming a colourful, static, glitch every time his foot hit the ground. John wasn’t in restraints any more, but him being shaky, weak, and covered in blood, as well as two portions of semen in his cunt and one in his gut, meant he wasn’t keen to move anywhere very fast.

“Whatever you plan on doing can you do it quick,” John groaned, curling up on himself. Martin appeared at the end of his bed, he didn’t seem to have any instruments or equipment with him but before John knew it he was on his back with his legs held up. He had a speculum forced into his cunt. He felt his genitalia be stretched so far it made his eyes water and him suck in on his teeth.

“that IS BETter, aRCHIvist,” Michael giggled. “I preFER it WHEN you ARE quiET.” He kept chuckling as John’s cheeks became wet with tears. He shoved his fingers inside of John, every single one of them, and filled him with his own blood. If John had asked Michael couldn’t explain how. All he knew is that John’s Cunt was filling up with blood until his gut began to swell. “You KNOW, sEX has NevER interestED ME much. BUT torTure… that IS fun.”

Annabelle Cane / The Web

Annabelle Crane was almost a welcome relief, John sighed and let his body relax into the bed. At least dream logic meant that his injuries were healed and his body was cleaned from Michael. However, it wasn’t long that John felt his a black tape, from the very tapes he recorded statements with suddenly appear and wrap around his wrists and ankles. They pulled his limbs away from him, tightly meaning any movement would dislocate a knee or shoulder. John took deep breaths and try not to panic. Annabelle Cane appeared with a mischievous smile, and a riding crop. She lightly tapped Jonathon’s gut, which was covered in a filthy, blood stained, white shirt.

“My my, they’ve certainly left a mess for me, haven’t they?” She grinned.

“Ugh. Hello Annabelle,” Jonathon groaned. He gasped and winced as the riding crop hit his gut.

“You will speak when spoken to,” she said simply. She then transformed before his eyes, long black haired legs grew from her back, gigantic spider’s limbs covered in black hairs. She used them to crawl on top of John, settling between his legs with the touch making him whine and cry out.

“Annabelle. Please. Not- not like this,” he begged. Annabelle chuckled, and let one hairy appendage stroke his cunt before her human arm smacked his genitalia with a riding crop.

“What did I just say, Archivist?” She said sternly. She giggled as Jonathon whimpered as she began to roughly fuck his cunt with one long, spindly black limb. She pushed until she reached his cervix, and then kept going.

Peter Lukas / The Lonely

The room was silent, and perhaps that should have relaxed John - being alone and without any avatar to beat and rape him… But this part of the dream was always different. It was always uncertain. He knew Peter Lukas was next, he was waiting somewhere. Suddenly, a thick fog filled the room, slowly until John couldn’t even see his own restrained body. He knew better than to call out, Lukas enjoyed that, and John not admitting his fear would infuriate him. Suddenly, John felt his restrained legs be released, he struggled, he couldn’t see anyone. He could only feel two calloused hands on his thighs shoving them backwards and causing John to fold painfully.

“Do hold still, John,” a faux-cheerful voice said. One that sounded strangely caring despite having not one iota of care and compassion in it. Peter Lukas. Before John could respond he felt a thick, wet tongue inside of his arsehole. He gasped and whined, hating how it felt almost… good. He felt tears fall down his face as he felt his swollen from testosterone clitoris grow painfully hard. He felt like his insides were being eaten my Peter Lukas. Owned. As if he had slit open his gut and began fucking his guts. John unwillingly orgasmed, his body betraying him, but that made everything far more sensitive. He tried to kick Peter Lukas from his body as he the sensation grew painful. He sighed in relief as Peter pulled away, his bleary vision making it even harder to see through the fog. Somehow there were hands on him, a body crushing him, even though he couldn’t see it.

“Well, that should be enough, I think,” Peter said finally, without a word he forced his cock into John’s arsehole. No lubrication beyond his own spit, and no warning. John cried out, his throat raw, and hated himself for it.

Jude Perry / The Desolation

“Hey there, Archivist,” Jude Perry said with a sinister smirk as she looked down at John’s ruined body, he was covered in cum, his own blood, and was starting to bruise. His body shaking in pain, exhaustion, and cold.

“Jude,” he said hoarsely. He tightened his lips and looked away, Jude never cleaned him up in this nightmare. She wanted him broken.

“The very same. Personally I find this whole thing a bit gross, and you’re not really my type you know? But… a chance to torture the Archivist? Sign me up.”

“Of course. Well. Get it over with,” John grunted, feeling numb to any possible torture that could follow.

Jude straddled John’s torso and began groping his breasts. He flinched and squirmed uncomfortably, and she pulled and twisted his nipples, at first John thought it wasn’t too bad until Jude turned up the heat… Literally. He felt the burning sensation against his nipples first, then he smelt the burning flesh of his breast tissue.

“God, you scream, far too much,” Jude groaned, rolling her eyes. She released John’s chest and melted candle wax dropped from her fingers leaving splotches on his skin - bright orange and searing. Until she got to his mouth, then she let it drip onto his lips, giggling as he screamed and yelled - it sounded like gargling as his tongue and throat filled with the burning hardening substance. He quickly stopped screaming, purely because it was physically impossible. Eventually it filled him, all the way down to his digestive system until it came out of his mouth covering the lower half of his face.

“That should shut you up, now if it’s alright with you Archvist, I’m gonna wank over your tits. Feel free to say no!” Jude cackled as she watched John be unable to move or speak, only tears fall from his eyes.

Nikola Orsinov / The Stranger

Nikola didn’t want John tied to a bed, and she wanted him clean and fresh. So when this section of the forced nightmare Elias concocted appeared, he didn’t hurt at all. His body had healed, his holes had not been violated, and he was instead, sat tied to a chair with the horrifying mannequin masquerading as a human in front of him. Her smile and inhuman face haunted him more than anything, the memory of this section of the dream was hazy but he remembered her face and smile.

“Good Evening, ARCHIVIST,” Nikola said, her movements towards John angular and awkward. “What Should I Do With You?”

“You could let me go,” John suggested sardonically. Nikola laughed her disjointed laugh, one that scratched against John’s bones.

“ALWAYS So Funny, ARCHIVIST. As You Know, Mannequins Are Not Built For This Particular Activity.” She knelt down, and tore John’s shirt open. She tutted as she saw his gut. “You Do Take TERRIBLE Care Of Your Skin, ARCHIVIST.” She slit open his stomach, causing him to scream out - his throat no longer hoarse and sore. She pushed her cold fingers, with the softness of skin but the hardness of plastic inside of the wound. As she began brutally fingering John’s stomach. She penetrated the wound, pulled it open, and let his stomach acid drip down his gut, onto his pubic hair and eventually fall onto his clitoris causing him to whine. Nikola giggled, the noise far too close to John’s skull which felt as if a rat was digging it’s way into his cranium.

“SUCH Cute Little Noises You Make ARCHIVIST,” Nikola hummed. “Maybe This Will Be Fun.”

Hezekiah Wakely / The Buried

“What a sweet boy,” Hezekiah said softly. John flinched and struggled. He hadn’t felt the presence so close to him until now. The coffin was chained shut and buried deep, deep within the earth. No one else should be able to fit inside with him but there was a hard, cold body next to him. Arms around his chest and a heavy, foul breath covering his face. He felt long thin hands grope at his body, as a rodent began crawling over his chest. A rat, John thought based on the tail.

“Hezekiah,” John said finally, his breath stilted and strained. “What a lovely home you have,” he added sarcastically.

“Thank you, Archivist, I made it just for you,” Hezekiah responded. He pushed two fingers into John’s mouth, who winced and repressed a wretch at the taste of dirt. He began fucking John’s throat with his fingers until he threw up, vomiting a yellow substance that had chunks of mud matted inside it. John felt the rat by his thigh, scratching and nibbling at his skin. Hezekiah’s hands gently massaged his breasts, carefully rolled a thumb over his nipple. John’s breathing grew heavy and he whined. He hated how tender and sweet it was. The affection made it worse. The way Hezekiah kissed his neck, gently nipping and how his hands made their way down to John’s trousers. He unbuttoned them, his filthy fingers finding John’s labia and prying it open. Softly fingering him, the dirt sticking to his cunt as the rat left his new wounds alone and made its way to his stomach. Deciding this was a better place to nibble and bury.

“Please, please stop,” John whimpered as he felt Hezekiah’s fingers masterfully rub against his g-spot and stretch open his cunt. He hated how it made him into such a weak, quivering wreck. Perhaps it was how the rat had now buried a nest in his stomach, a wound that leaked and weeped as the rat began nibbling at his organs, or maybe it was how Hezekiah touched him like a gentle lover.

“Not until my seed is filling your sweet womb,” he said, pulling down John’s trousers and pressing his cock between his thin thighs.

Maxwell Rayner / The Dark

John was back in the bed, the dirt, vomit, blood, viscera, stomach acid, and urine that had been staining his body had now disappeared. His shirt and trousers were clean, and not torn. There were no longer gaping holes in his thigh and stomach, his skin clear and unharmed as it had been - scars not withstanding. He allowed himself to relax for a moment, however that turned out to be more short lived than he’d expected when the light in the room suddenly vanished. It wasn’t as if someone had turned the lights off, it was pure emptiness. The windows no longer let any street lamps in, or lights from passing cars. John’s eyes couldn’t even adjust, he attempt to lift his hand to discover he couldn’t as he was restrained. He looked down instead, not able to even make out a shape of his torso. It was time for the Dark it seemed. Maxwell Rayner.

“Maxwell?” John said, he never really found the dark scary as such. However, being restrained inside it with a terrifying rapist ready to torture him? That was a different matter entirely. He heard movement, and his head snapped around pointlessly. Nothing. Suddenly, there was a weight on top of him, heavy pungent breath coating his face.

“Archivist. Jonathon, yes? No. Tonight you will be… Clara,” Maxwell said sinisterly. John stopped breathing for a moment, Maxwell so casually using his birth name made his blood run cold. Not to mention the implications given who Maxwell’s usual prey was.

“How did you- that’s not- no.” John felt pathetic as he spluttered, as if he had earned Maxwell’s snort of laughter. He ran one finger down John’s face and gently stroked his cheek.

“Shush, don’t get so worked up, Clara darling,” Maxwell mocked, John didn’t have to see his face - he could hear his smirk.

“I’m not worked up, I’m perfectly calm. I’m simply telling you that’s not who I am-” John was silenced as a rough hand grabbed his breasts, as always in this dream he wasn’t wearing a binder. They were on display, and John swore they weren’t normally this big. He was quite small chested, but Maxwell seemed to have a generous handful.

“Mhm, whatever you say, sweetheart,” Maxwell hummed as he roughly groped his breasts and began grinding his cock against John’s cunt.

Daisy Tanner / The Hunt

John sighed in relief when the light returned, and especially when his wrists were free. He sat up, massaging where they had been bound and caused his muscles to ache. Stood at the end of his bed in a sports bra, a gun harness with two police regulation handguns inside, and blood stained jogging bottoms was Daisy Tanner. Her starburst scar on display, and her short blonde hair soaked with sweat. When Daisy turned around, John knew instantly she was taken over by the Hunt - just as she was every night. Her eyes were narrowed, her toned body larger and more striking. Her teeth were bared, pointed and sharp. She began pacing like a lion analysing it’s prey.

“Daisy, I- I know it’s not real but it’s good to see you,” John said hastily, shakily getting to his feet and not taking his eyes from Daisy. She didn’t say a word, simply continued pacing. John took a step closer, feeling foolish - he couldn’t reason with a dream. “I- I know you’ve… not exactly you anymore but-” Daisy growled and took a step towards him. “Okay. So you’re just.. going to… right.” John backed away, bumping into the door behind him.

“You should be dead,” Daisy growled as she pounced, her claw-like nails gripped John’s throat pulling him onto the bed. She held tightly, causing blood to seep down his skin. She tore a hole causing blood to start filling up his windpipe, John choked and spluttered, only surviving since he couldn’t die. Elias had insisted upon it. Daisy left him there for a moment, chuckling to herself as she ripped off John’s trousers and underwear. She let them fall into rags beneath him, and smoothly pulled a gun from it’s holster. She watched and smirked as she slipped the weapon inside his cunt, shoving it in as deep as it would go. Enjoying seeing John scream, yell, and struggle as she raped him with the gun her police sergeant had entrusted just to her.

Jane Prentiss / The Corruption

John let his body fall into the bed when Daisy left, his breath heavy and his limbs exhausted. He wasn’t looking forward to hers in particular given their history, it was always different every night. The Corruption however was always on a similar line. And it started with a silver worm dropping from the window.

All John could think when the worms began appearing in the room, was thank god it wasn’t spiders. They wriggled in from under the door, the windows, and down the walls. John knew this meant Jane Prentiss was arriving, and since she enjoy a filthy, corrupted body the blood and scars from Daisy still soaked his body. The worms got to John first, no matter how much he struggled they bit into his flesh, burying and scaring him all over again. He saw them crawl under skin, moving strange lumps making him want to claw at his arm and rip them out. He felt them all over his body, crawling into his mouth, his cunt, and his arsehole. He gasped and struggled. He squirmed, kicked his legs, arms and screamed out. He felt them inside his throat, his larynx, and falling down his digestive system to suck on the inside of his gut. They were stuffed inside his cunt and asshole, crowed and wet. They were sucking on his cervix, his prostate, his g-spot, his and clitoris. John could barely open his eyes, feeling his body go through intense pain, alongside orgasming which made the agony and violation even worse.

When his eyes finally were able to flutter open he saw a familiar shape at the end of his bed. Still just as rotten and infested as before. Jane Prentiss. Her neck was bent at an awkward, unnatural angle. She had a smile which look as if someone had cut from one eyebrow to the other with sharp teeth filling the gap. When John tried to speak, she let out a screeching noise which caused the worms bite harder, digging into his flesh. They dug through his vaginal canal and his skin, into his intestines, and roamed through his body.

Jared Hopworth / The Flesh

John sighed in relief when his skin and body returned to normal, no blood, no residual worms, no bruises… and most thankfully he was no longer in agony. However, that would soon change. Jared was next, and John knew he most enjoyed a blank canvas to work with. He winced the moment he heard the loud footsteps outside of the door, and sure enough Jared’s large, uneven, oddly shaped frame was stood there. His tongue licking his lips as he threw his weight behind one foot then the other. He made a strange shifting sound as he walked, as if his muscles and bones weren’t quite stable within his body. John didn’t say a word just stared as Jared approached, who smirked and leered like he’d done this a thousand times before.

Jared sat on the bed, causing it to creek and groan, the slats sinking all the way to the ground. John attempted to escape, his bonded wrists making it a fool’s errand. He felt a large, bumpy hand grab his ankle and pull him towards Jared.

“Come on now, don’t be such a pussy,” he growled.

“I’m- I’m not- it’s normal to not wish to be raped,” John replied indignantly.

“Well, I’m going to fucking destroy you, and you’ll have no little boyfriend around to help you disappear this time.” On that Jared ripped John’s clothes from his body. “Shall I take another rib? Yeah, from the other side, even it out.” John yelled and gasped as Jared shoved his hand inside John’s flesh. He roughly pulled out a rib, and grinned. “You have such pretty bones, you know that?” The viscera, blood, and body fat dripped down his hand and arm. “Clean it for me, yeah?” He shoved it inside John’s mouth causing him to gag, wretch, and his throat to spasm. Jared pulled it out causing John’s to vomit all over his front and cover the soiled bone in bile. “Ah. Well. Least it’s lubed up, yeah?”

Before John could ask what he meant, he discovered by feeling the sharp, repulsive implement invading his cunt. He felt his entire body stiffen and curl up, the sharp edges cutting his insides and the heavy ragged end slamming against his cervix. His face became wet with tears and he felt blood gather in his throat from his screams. Jared didn’t relent, he continued until he felt the flesh give way, pushing the bone through John’s cervix into his womb.

Oliver Banks / The End

John had somehow fallen asleep after Jared’s attack, he found his body healed and clean afterwards. He sighed softly, feeling inherently warm and comfortable. Perhaps he had woken up after all? No. This wasn’t his room, not his bed, Martin was not curled up next to him. He sighed, of course. Oliver hated seeing him harmed and hurting, the figment would be so loving whilst it was his turn. As if that made what was about to occur any better. At least this time he awoke before Oliver’s attack started, usually he was still asleep. He felt the long wandering arms touch his body, and John signed, remaining stiff and cold.

“It would be a lot easier if you lent into it, you know,” Oliver said, his hand slipping beneath John’s pyjama bottoms and teasing his pubic hair.

“Oliver. You know I would not enjoy it either way, just hurry up. It’s been a long night,” John sighed.

“I suppose that’s the problem with coming last, huh?” Oliver began fingering John’s hole, which whilst was physically unharmed John still winced from the memories of violation that had occurred again and again that night. “I don’t want this either.”

“Then stop.”

“I can’t. This isn’t real, remember? The real Oliver wouldn’t even be in the room. But your brain? The thoughts Elias put in here? They’ve got to keep going until the job is done. Sorry.”

“Fine. Just. Be quick.”

“I’ll try. You’re not really enticing me though, which would help,” Oliver mumbled as he straddled John’s body. Somehow, the kisses on his neck, caresses, and the gentle way Oliver slowly pushed his cock into John’s cunt somehow makes it so much worse.

BONUS: Hurt/Comfort Martin / The Lonely

John awoke with a start, reaching out to his surroundings. He felt Martin’s warm arm first, then his pillow, and he opened his eyes to see his forest pattern bedding. He sighed and turned onto his side, wrapping his arm around Martin and holding tight as he buried his face into his soft warm back. He didn’t know whether it was his right grip or the crying that awoke Martin. Either way he turned around and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. His previously black curls were streaked a shocking white, they fell in front of his face as he slowly woke up. He didn’t technically need to sleep now, not since Peter Lukas… but it felt normal, nice even. He gave a sad smile as he saw John curl into his side.

“The dream again?” Martin asked, holding John as close as he could whilst still being gentle. All John did was nod, and Martin kissed the top of his head. “You’re safe, love. Just us two here. Just us two and no one else.” John whimpered and shuffled closer, resting his head on top of Martin’s chest. His head heavy as he desperately wished they had a normal, happy life.

[bracefacefreak]

Thoughts on Mag 62

Oh, I’d totally forgotten this statement but IT IS SO GOOD!!! There is so much here, so much foreshadowing, so many little things you won’t get listening the first time round. It’s definitely worth a re-listen. 

Anyway, here are some of my thoughts/feelings/ideas about this episode. Please be warned there will be spoilers for other later episodes of TMA. 

Mary is such a little bitch towards Gertrude; her low key snark and clear disdain for what Gertrude does is palpable right from the start. And I love it. 

And we have Beholding Pun #1 - “ I know the Institute and me haven’t always seen eye-to-eye...” - Perfect. Flawless. Amazing. 

I love how Mary refers to what Leitner did as having “stamped them (the books) with his mark...”  I just adore how this parallels what Elias later says about Jon having been marked by the fears. It’s almost as if Leitner hoped that by marking the books he is able beat the fears at their own game. Well, look how that turned out...

Also love Mary opening up the question as to what happened to the books prior to Leitner - what adventures these terrible tomes got up to before they were found and placed in his library? Did others try and collect them? 

Interesting how Mary comments on Leitner being too slow, gentle and boring- you get the impression she did not feel he was worthy of having so many books within his possession. I like how it mirrors Gerry’s only interaction with Leitner, when he stopped beating him because he couldn’t believe such a pathetic man could be THE Jurgen Leitner. 

SO MUCH FORESHADOWING! - “ You… don’t really go out and look for yourself “ and “They don’t understand up there. They don’t know what this place is.”

 Mary’s attempts to get Gertrude to reveal how much she knows - “You do, though, don’t you?” And Gertrude’s answer is just to play completely dumb and act like she has no idea what Mary is talking about. Hahah. 

Also “We’re on the same side, really” creeps me out so much. Because in some ways Gertrude and Mary are really similar - strong, independent women, who know what they want and will do anything to get it, no matter what the cost. If Gertrude had rather focused on gaining control of her abilities and becoming “The Archivist” she could have very easily become something quite similar to Mary. On this note, interesting how Gerry finds an almost motherly figure in Gertrude. 

SHE WAS NINE YEARS OLD! WTF!? 

Mary talks about her mother’s poor pay - I hope Jonah has realised that you can’t pay people sixpence for a day’s work anymore! 

From the information we get here, it seems like was Mary’s mother who was from the von Closen line, rather than her father. Given the timeline, I’m going to say that Mary’s mother was also Mary (given in Mag 023 Jon states Mary Keay was born in 1924, when here it’s very clear this Mary was born in 1946.)

Just having fun imaging a young Mary creeping out all the local shopkeepers while looking for something strange and dark to catch her eye. 

“...Slavish devotion to you and your patron...” - Jon what on earth do you think she meant by this!? I love that he just ignores all these strange little comments, weren’t you a researcher before moving to the Archives?

People’s different relationships with the fears just fascinate me. We have those using them to gain Power (Elias/Jonah), those who worship them like Gods (The Lukas Family), those who just want to have some fun (Jude Perry), those who give themselves to a power to save themselves (Mike Crew), those who get dragged into it against their will (John, Jane, Oliver.) And then you have the Keay’s who believe these primal fear Gods are somehow watching over them. Also Mary what does that even mean

Jewish Keays anyone? 

“...a scent like wet dirt rolling through the building and settling in my chest..” - maybe grave dirt? 

I wonder, how Tellison obtained the books I wonder? And how did she learn how to use them? Mary, had some knowledge about the fears beforehand from her family, how did Tellison discover what the book did? Did she have any idea how the books fit into the bigger picture? 

Mary’s whole sense of superiority is chilling. 

“My inclinations, predictably, were more toward watching than doing the deed myself.” - hahaha. This is so fucking creepy and so clever.  

“After a lifetime, I know all its secrets, save one. And I have a pretty good idea about how to find that.” - Except she fucked it up 2 months later.

Also love how we get more hints that the fears are not just a British thing but rather seem to be present in diifferent cultures i.e. the mention that both books are written in Sanskrit. Seriously, where did this doctor get these damn books? 

“I could never truly serve it – I just don’t find death that interesting.  But I’ve always found a singular devotion far too restrictive.” - I know that Mary couldn’t complete the ritual fully cause of the blood loss but I do wonder if this didn’t have something to do with failure as well. 

“Just a bit of viscera” - Hahah. She’s so fucking dismissive. I definitely get the feeling that everyone else looks down on the Flesh as a lower rate entity. 

“...though it came back to me after the attack.” How!? 

“He’s not exactly big on action though, is he.” THE FUCKING FORESHADOWING! !

“....though, I do rather hate the smell of burning skin.” Funny how both Jon and I didn’t find this a strange thing for Gertrude to say. Definitely the words of a sweet old grandmotherly archivist who definitely does not go around blowing shit up and killing avatars. 

“...odd relationship with death is the least interesting part of it” Really John!? Really!? Like I know you’re paranoid but,,,REALLY!? 

“The Magnus Institute is not what it appears to be, and until I know what it is, and what it’s for..” - oh sweety! *proceeds to grossly sob*

No strange skin page. - I hope this means that Gertrude destroyed Eric’s page and let him rest. 

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Books I’ve read so far in 2023!

Friend me on Goodreads here to follow my more up to date reading journey for the year!

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132. Garnet Flats by Devney Perry--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

While I really enjoyed this one, I miss that suspenseful mystery that filled the first book and a little bit of the second book. With that being said, however, I LOVED the tension between the characters here and how he has to grovel to win her back.

I'm normally not a fan of second chance romances, but I ate this one up. I couldn't stop reading it and I just wanted to know why he has to win her back in the first place (like, what did you do, dude?)

The twist was a bit...listen, you need to super suspend your disbelief because this was some telenovela twists and turns LOL. But that spice was spicy (definitely spicier than the first book). I know this is probably mid-spice for a lot of seasoned romance readers, but I think there should be a fine balance.

I have started the fourth book, but my brain isn't in the vacation mentality anymore. Will I ever finish it? We will see.

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133. The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb by R.L. Stine--⭐️⭐️

Sigh.

I never read these as a kid and some of these books make me wonder what 10 year-old me would have thought. This one was just...it feels like a misleading book. I don't know why I expected more LOL. The key is to not expect anything.

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134. Broken Promise by Linwood Barclay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am convinced that every book this author writes will always throw me for a loop.

I picked this one up knowing it was the first in a series because I accidentally read book four earlier this month or last month. I needed to know what had started it all! Of course, there were allusions to other characters from earlier books, so maybe I will never truly be caught up lol.

This one started with a bunch of characters and I'll admit that I was lost at first, wondering if I was going to enjoy this. Then twists started to pop up and I was hooked. Then one of the bigger twists happened and my jaw dropped. Barclay is one of the only authors that will ever get that reaction from me. His books are like a drug for those twisty turns.

I will definitely be checking out the rest of this series, where I will probably encounter more characters from other books I still haven't read by him.

Also, another thing to note is how well Barclay is setting up the rest of this series--especially with that cliffhanger.

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135. Jude Saves the World by Ronnie Riley--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I am absolutely adoring seeing all of this representation in younger fiction!

I loved the wholesome friendship between Jude and their best friend, and how open they were to someone new who needed companionship and friendship during a hard time. I also think a lot of kids in Jude's position may be able to relate with the difficulty of living with a mask on in order to not offend the family in their life who might not be able to understand the nuances of gender and sexuality.

I think the most important aspect of this book, however, is how Jude uses their voice to give voice to others who might feel voiceless--especially in a community that might not be as open as others when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community. I think it's so important to not only see the kindness and large heart that Jude has, but how they were able to create a community for others of any age who may not have the space to be themselves and speak out about their experiences. It goes to show that age isn't a limit when it comes to wanting to create a space for others.

This was a sweet, oftentimes jarring, and heartfelt story. I loved all of it!

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136. The Getaway by Lamar Giles--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Listen, a good horror book doesn't have to be gory to freak you out. Giles proves this in his novel, THE GETAWAY. Not only did he create a strangely familiar environment (so we could imagine ourselves there), but he also infuses it with some of the worst behaviours and prejudices (read: racism) in our society.

I didn't know what to expect when I went into this book. The cover was incredible, so I'll admit that this was a complete cover buy. The themes inside the book gave me as much chills as the cover, since the racism and prejudices were unflinching. This made me think of GET OUT if it was set in Disney World. Like...creepy af setting with a super disturbing story of white rich people who are living out their wildest dreams in the face of an apocalypse. Also, a perfect and creepy example of "the good ones" stereotype that we so often see when there is a Black family living among the rich white people.

If you're going to jump into this one, and I highly recommend it, be prepared for the TWs. I'm not kidding when I say that the racism is unflinching in this one. There's the unaliving Black people in a horrible but historical way, and so many comments made that it will make you want to take a breather.

Be prepared.

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137. Bad Cree by Jessica Johns--⭐️⭐️⭐️

While this book had some entertaining points, in the end, I found it to be just OK. I was neither disappointed, nor feeling all sorts of ways by the end of the book. I just shrugged because it felt like it was missing something.

I kind of almost feel like I was catfished with this book, in a way. I did appreciate the Indigenous mythology and they monster (because THAT was pretty cool). I also enjoyed the familial relationships. My meh-ness stems from the lack of horror I felt while reading this. Sure, there were one or two creepy moments at the beginning, but by the end of the book, I was just patiently waiting for it to end.

I feel kind of bad because so many of my friends loved it, so I know I'm an outlier here. But I just expected more?

Anyway, I recommend it if you want to dive into a spooky book that isn't really spooky. Also, if you want to read an indigenous story but explores familial bonds and culture (highly recommend it for those parts!). In a way, it made me think a little of EMPIRE OF THE WILD and how that one freaked so many people out, but I just felt meh by the end.

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138. The Visitor by K.A. Applegate--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

After reading the wild twist at the end of the first book, we jump right into the story where the kids are trying to find a way to keep their planet safe. I liked that this one delved into the effects of these aliens taking over the people around them. It also had some pretty heartbreaking moments since the changes are heavily affecting the friend of the mc of this book. (each book changes narrator between the kids in the group).

I will always find it so fun and fascinating seeing their minds when they change into a new animal.

Loving this series so far and also, justice for the one kid whose life changed so much after book one.

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139. Scorpia Rising by Anthony Horowitz--⭐️⭐️⭐️

One step closer to finishing this series!!

I'll be honest, this wasn't my favourite of the collection. While I enjoyed the later action and twists (even though one twist was like a knife to the heart), I wasn't a big fan of how much we saw of the villain's plans. One of the things I really enjoy about this series is how twisty it can be, but in telling us everything that the villains are planning for Alex, it kind of ruined it for me. I like being surprised, not being shown a map of what's going to happen (and then actually going through with it). It made the beginning of the book a little meh and dragged on.

I'm looking forward to the next books, but while I'm not as excited about this one, like I said before, this one had some fun and typical Alex moments--like the villains completely underestimating Alex. I don't know how this kid is still alive.

I AM curious, however, about how the next books will be after that big twist that just destroyed Alex.

Hopefully will read the next one sometime this year lol

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Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

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Happy reading!

[lovesaved]

it didnt change anything. it didnt save anyone. there were just too many forces against it. but it still matters that the love was there

LOVESAVED - a private, very selective, and low activity study in love or the lack of it, being too stubborn to die, grief and it's many shapes, light as a seed and the darkness the dirt, and the love behind a haunting. multimuse. neglect and a slew of other triggers are present - please follow at your own risk. completely switched to beta editor. iconless for the time being! loved by ALEX ( 21+, she / they, pst )

please read: carrd, dni list

MUSE LIST & TEMP RULES UNDER THE CUT

CURRENT MUSES

ocs: olivia soto* g.rishaverse: harshaw quinn, fedyor kaminsky comics: peter quill, jason todd twilight: bella swan the d.arkest minds: mason marks*, liam stewart*, vida bautista*, jude steele* the magnus archives: jude perry, julia montauk, trevor herbert, emma harvey stranger things: 010/eddie munson, wayne munson film: edward scissorhands, tommy slater (fear street)

* - means muse is a minor as their default verse

RULES

some of my muses are minors so i have a very low tolerance for Weird Shit. I WILL use the block button freely.

be patient? i am an adult with depression, autism, and a full time job. this is my second blog, so sometimes i just won't be around much. i have a tendency to forget things, so if your ask never goes answered, i promise you have done nothing wrong; its down to me and my swiss cheese brain

i take my dni list pretty seriously and i will either hardblock or softblock solo blogs for the listed fandoms and characters without warning.

don't be a fucking freak. you know the vibes. racists, homophobes, transphobes, antisemites, islamaphobes, trump supporters, etc can roll over eat shit and die <3 I am not the least bit friendly to people who rp incest, rape/"""noncon""", and pedophilia. you don't deserve rights or kneecaps and better block my ass

for my comfort this blog is mutuals only and I ask that you softblock or hardblock me if you would like to break mutuals. no hard feelings or anything, I just would rather avoid confusion in the future! 💙

my name is alex (she/they) and I promise I'm a lot friendlier and not as intimidating as these rules probably make me seem! i am 21+, a white nb lesbian, and work as a caregiver in california. i do a lot of art and make jewelry on the side and my dream is to have my own tiny house and that is coming along slowly. i have another blog over @pyreshe

please tag things like suicide and rape

[evelyn-the-archivist]

Here it is. This is what happened to us a few days ago. I'm sorry it took me so long to type it out.

I don't know why Evelyn was so insistent about me doing this, but I owe it to her. She saved my life.

(ooc cw: fire, burning, intense description of being in a burning building, intense description of pain from being burned, broken bone mention, death mention, implied physical fight, screams, hospital, ambulance, police mention.)

Evelyn, Gerry, and I were in the employee break room. Evelyn had just made some tea, and we were all chatting with each other. I was a bit anxious, as I wanted to get back to work, but she and Gerry insisted that I stay for just a bit.

A woman walked into the room. I didn't recognize her. She was short and muscular, with very close-cropped black hair.

Gerry's face hardened when they saw her, and Evelyn narrowed her eyes. I took a step back from the woman.

"Archivist," she said, and laughed humorously.

"My name," she started, and this was the angriest I'd ever seen her, "is Evelyn."

Gerry crossed their arms. "What are you doing here, Perry? We haven't done anything to you."

Perry snapped her head around. "I'm not here for you, Keay."

I took another step away. It was at this point where I realized just how much these two had been through. I don't think it had sunk in for me how deep the underworld went until just then.

I couldn't move, and Gerry didn't either, though their inaction seemed to be a conscious choice.

"I am not Gertrude, Jude Perry. I do not represent whatever she did to you and your Lightless Flame."

Jude Perry... The Lightless Flame... was this woman a servant of Desolation?

"You're the Archivist, aren't you? That's all I need to know." She raised a hand, and I could see flame dancing between her fingers. "You're the closest thing to Gertrude I've got."

Evelyn's eyes widened. "This is about Agnes, isn't it?"

Jude reached forward and gripped Evelyn's left arm. She screamed.

"Of course it's about fucking Agnes. You think I would forget about her? You think I wouldn't get my revenge?" She let go of Evelyn's arm.

Evelyn stumbled back and leaned on the counter, breathing heavily. "Sasha, get the Unknowing research from my office and then get out of the Institute. Call 999, ask for Sectioned medics and Sectioned fire patrol. "

"I-I can't just leave you both here!

"Sasha, we'll be fine. Get out of here," Gerry insisted.

Jude Perry reached for me and grabbed my arm. "I'm not letting you escape that easily. My god is hungry."

At first all I could notice was that her hand was sticky, almost malleable, like wax. And then the pain set in. Waves of white-hot agony flowed from her fingers and into my flesh. It extended far beyond my arm, the pain creeping out into my shoulder, my hand, my neck, my chest. I screamed so loud my throat ached, and it brought me no relief.

She was horribly strong. I tugged my arm, but it didn't budge.

She raised her other hand, and fire burst from her fingertips. "Keep screaming. I'll do this nice and slow."

She pulled me closer to her. Her free hand edged towards my face, and I knew that I wouldn't survive.

And then a blur of motion, and Jude was on the floor with Evelyn on top of her. My arm was free, and I stumbled backwards.

Gerry didn't touch me, but they tugged open the door. "Sasha, I mean it. Do what Evelyn said."

Evelyn was screaming as she tangled with Jude.

"A-alright," I said, and then I ran out. I heard the door slam behind me.

The hallway was on fire.

It was somehow pitch black and blindingly bright at the same time. The heat seeped into me and my arm ached. Thick, black smoke clouded my vision.

I fell to the ground and started to crawl. It was only a small improvement, but at least I could breathe.

Gerry's screams joined Evelyn's, forming a blood-curdling chorus.

Evelyn's office was on the way out, so it wouldn't be out of the way. But my vision was swimming already, even as I pulled my shirt over my face.

I reached up and pressed the back of my hand against the office doorknob. It seized up immediately. But stopping the Unknowing was more important than my health. I turned the handle through my sleeve.

If it had been hot before, it was a hundred times worse as the office door opened. It felt like getting blasted by a furnace.

I felt nauseous as I fetched the documents. I could barely think through the heat, oxygen deprivation, and bone-chilling fear.

After being in the office, I'd expected being in the hallway again to feel like a relief. But the heat was even worse than before.

I clutched the documents to my chest and crawled as quickly as I could.

The hallway seemed infinitely long, scratchy carpet digging into my knees through my skirt. What I wanted to do more than anything was just stop moving. Collapse to the ground and fall asleep.

But I didn't. I forced myself to keep moving until I got out of the Archives. I stood up and started running, pulling a fire alarm on my way out.

My phone slipped through the sweat on my hands, but I managed to dial the number. Once I told them I was at the Institute, they just asked what services we needed. They didn't even bother asking why.

Gerry and Evelyn's screams were still echoing in my ears.

The paramedics arrived and immediately had me moved into the ambulance. I heard the fire truck come a few minutes after, and then the police.

Evelyn and Gerry were brought in the ambulance as well. Both of them were red and blistered. Evelyn's left arm was hanging at an unnatural angle.

"What- what happened with Jude?"

Evelyn smiled, face streaked with tears. "Let's just say we got a pretty good Look at her."

I fell back onto the cot, and passed out.

-

I woke up in the hospital. My arm and hand were bandaged.

"Are Evelyn and Gerry okay?" I asked, catching the attention of the lone doctor in the room.

She smiled at me. "Glad to see you're awake. Those are the people you came in with, right?"

I nodded.

"They haven't woken up yet, but with proper treatment they should both make a full recovery."

And that was that.

-

The Institute is still standing. The Archives' fire doors prevented the spread. And though lots of items were destroyed, not a single statement or tape was damaged.

They should be finished repairs by the time Evelyn gets out of the hospital.

The police found Jude Perry's body. She was, of course, untouched by the fire. Her eyes were wide, and she looked like she had been screaming.

The official story is that a crazed drunk set the Archives on fire and got trapped inside.

I don't think the police believe it any more than we do.

[thermodynamic-comedian]

somebody needs to save jonah magnus from me and @thswrtchdthng lmao

anyways some of my favourite horrible situations i've come up with uhhh

EYE INFECTION. oh mygod that would suck sooo bad for him. 200 year old eyes just absolutely wrecked by conjuctivitus. also if this happens around s3 EVERYBODY is gonna bully him about it so much. just. non-stop eye-related jokes at his expense. awful

jude perry burning paperwork in front of him,,, i can not stop thinking abt this,,, she would. he would be so distraught.

simon fairchild just completely not taking him seriously at all. patting him on the head like congrats on the ritual buddy.

i create various horrible situations in my mind specifically engineered to upset, mortify, or otherwise inconvenience jonah magnus every single day. and you could too

[cardentist]

something that I’ll never forgive the tma fandom for is taking helen at her word when she used jon reacting to being touched without his permission as proof that he was Inhuman and lacked compassion.

even more so with How people expressed it at the time. calling him crazy, calling him monstrous, insisting that it Couldn’t be a trauma response because jon sounded angry.

this all despite the fact that we’d Just gotten Dr. David, firmly establishing that the point of the distortion is in Gaslighting. in Distorting your perception of Yourself and your Understanding Of Reality. and that using someone’s mental health and trauma against them, Against that understanding of themselves, Is Very Much So within the agenda for the distortion.

and all of That despite the fact that helen is Literally the Entity Of Lying and had been shown to be manipulating both jon And The Audience ever since her appearance to save him in the wax museum.

that said, not everyone believed it, and not everyone who Did believe it were doing so maliciously. they just didn’t have the perspective or experience to recognize exactly Why that scene was presented the way that it was. so let me say this:

I’ve been in that position. not that Exact circumstance obviously, but I’ve Had a reaction like that in a situation where it didn’t and Couldn’t make sense from an outside perspective. I know exactly how mortifying it feels, and I know exactly where it comes from.

people have a very specific idea of what being “triggered” looks like, but it doesn’t always look like flashbacks and crying. what it means is that in some way you’ve been brought back to the state of mind you were in when you were experiencing that trauma. whether that be with direct memories or Emotionally.

and in certain situations? when you aren’t expecting it, when you can’t prepare yourself, when you’re Afraid, it can trigger that fight, flight, freeze response. And Sometimes Your Mind Picks Fight.

jon has enough trauma for several lifetimes, but it’s worth pointing out that Much Of It Was Physical. the worms, being stabbed by michael, jude perry, daisy, breekon and hope, being tied down and touched without his permission by clowns for a month, the explosion, melanie, even going as far back as being physically bullied by an adult when he was an 8 year old.

being suddenly Touched without his permission in a high stress situation Is Going to be a trigger for him. him Audibly Reacting, whether that be in fear or in anger, is Going to be attached to that trauma response. it doesn’t matter Why he was touched, it doesn’t matter Who it was touching him. and there’s nothing that he could’ve done to control it. it’s Involuntary, and a rather unfortunate part of being a person with trauma.

namely because it Is difficult for strangers to understand. because people Don’t recognize it for what it is, and trying to explain it would mean opening up a part of yourself to strangers that you Don’t Want To Share.

and in jon’s case, he isn’t likely to recognize Where that feeling comes from. he Already demonizes himself for his trauma and for having Been victimized. and helen was taking advantage of that.

that’s the distortion’s Job, to distort how people see themselves.

[blacclotus]

TMA time-travel au, but they met S2 Jon

Ok, so basically since most TMA time-travel fix-it works usually start with S1 Jon. What if, hear me out...

What if S5 Jon traveled back in time to meet S2 Jon??? Like the POTENTIAL of this idea with Jon realizing how fucked he is and how he's too late to save Sasha. So ofc, he stops the stalking thing and all archive ppl have The Talk^TM.

I can feel the spiciness of survivor's guilt on him and since Tim is also having a breakdown, I just want the three of them to bond and heal together, but NO.

What if S5 Jon is like having this teacher-student dynamic with his younger self? Like Michael is gonna stab S2 Jon while S5 JMart are laughing at his misery. Like that may be OOC, but man, I want S5 Jon to enjoy his voyeuristic shit for a while then apologize to him.

Also had this idea that he would accompany him to converse Jude Perry and becomes kinda bored, so he walks around the area while ya boi is being a nervous, understanding wreck. THEN, when she's about to burn his hand, that's where he steps in.

It's like he wants his "students" to fuck around and find out, but when it's all serious, he would step in (+ S5 Martin "lecturing" them) and both "parents" will clean up the shit they did... probably.

And like all time-travel fix-its, they would beat the shit out of Elias :]

Oh yeah, abt the romance part... Like I said, they'll fuck around and find out but S5 JMart will do their own business - meaning not intervening with S2/S3 JMart's dynamic. They ofc respect their boundaries and when everything's kinda ok, they either fuck off from that world as their job is done or stay and terrorize the whole institute. Idk, it's up to the author's decision.

Come to think of it, I just want S5 JMart to be menaces to their younger selves + angst abt their survival - should they die as they are monsters in their world or live bc they want to make up for the domestic shit they've missed (problem is, they have to "eat" people)

Idk. Pls tag me so that I can read it. Thank you ;]