#journal 2021
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My diary 2021 - week 2
Image â people sitting in thick snow in Madrid â first snowfall in 50 years January 8th, Friday Dream on Luci app. Debating on Twitter. Rude followers repeating âbut itâs clearly (not) set out in rulesâ. Point of driving to go for a walk is for people not near green spaces. Setting up series of blocks affects those most in need of free exercise outdoors. Government advertising before and afterâŚ
#Falmouth Cornwall in lockdown 2021#January 2021 diary entry#journal 2021#my 2021 journal diary entries#Snow in Madrid#vaccine concerns roll-out 2021#week 2 January 2021#what I did in lockdown
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Sixteen Journal, Paris-Tokyo (2021) Photography: Erika Kamano
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Another instance of "I had a dream I painted this, so I painted it when I woke up" The Egg Room.
#2021#traditional#dream journal#misc#original#I suppose this is the culprit of my Almost Used Up Red#look at that lighting... no digital editing! idk how i did that actually
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In 2021, one shirt wasn't enough, not even 2, it had to be 3 the more the better.
I made the hat, one whole side of it was safety pins I wove together to create a sort of chain mail. You can kind of see it on the right side of the hat. I'll have to look for a pic of it.
I didn't have any fashion inspo at this time, I just wanted to do whatever I felt like. It was awesome.
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Above is a photo of a page in my 2021 journal. It includes an original entry written on 11/3/2021 and two margin notes dated 12/8/2021:
11/3/2021
"The average human life span is absurdly, terrifyingly, insultingly, short." From the book Four Thousand Weeks. Written at Preservation Coffee House Modesto, California on Wednesday 11/3/2021 at 4:46pm
My margin notes 12/8/2021
The young dread aging. They can't know that without it, life lacks richness and depth.
No one tells you when you are young about the rich evolution of aging. There is no language to convey it. And, we live in different universe's, young and old.
End of entries
#journaling#writing#aging#12/8/2021#the young dread aging#aging brings richness and depth to life#Four Thousand Weeks
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đ¸March 2021đ¸
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JT & Caresha of the City Girls attending Saweetieâs FreakNik themed Birthday Party, 2021.
#cult her#fashion#fashion blogger#black culture#black women#barbie#journalism#mixed media#city girls#thegirljt#saweetie#caresha please#freaknik#90s style#90s fashion#90s#2021#i been was supposed to post this.
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Jarvis Cocker: At the end of 1996, I had âa nervous breakdownâ
Kate Mossman of The New Statesman talks to Jarvis Cocker, September 2021
The singer on nostalgia, hating David Cameron, and how crashing a Michael Jackson performance had âa toxic effectâ on him.
Jarvis Cocker leans on a table in the courtyard of the House of St Barnabas, a membersâ club and homeless charity, and one of the only bits of Londonâs Soho that does not bear the marks of the interminable Crossrail project. Cocker says heâs not one for conspiracy theories, âbut thereâs a lot of dark mutterings about what has happened while everybodyâs been locked away. You can see it in Soho, where loads of building workâs gone on. They took an opportunity. Cementâs gone up in price because thereâs none left.â
Heâs not as tall as he is in your mindâs eye â a solid 6ft 1 â but he cuts a stately figure in green cords and a high-quality lilac shirt. Here, in a moccasin-style shoe, is the foot that was broken, along with his pelvis and ankle, when he fell out of a window in Sheffield pretending to be Spiderman. (He spent months as a young man gigging from a wheelchair.) Here is the rear that was waved at Michael Jackson, in a life-changing moment it still upsets him to talk about. Here are the long legs that bent like those of a freshly born foal on stage, and here are the glasses that were held on his face with an elastic band so he could execute his moves. These long, smooth fingers would frame his face, or flick his âVâ signs. As sombre as he is, seating himself on a bench alongside the New Statesman, he is the only pop star that most people under 80, regardless of their artistic ability, could have a crack at drawing.
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You feel wary of going straight in on âthe Ninetiesâ â it must be such a bore â yet Cocker brings them up right away, talking about a song called âCocaine Socialismâ which he wrote for his band Pulp in 1996, at their commercial and critical height. It was all about New Labourâs courtship of pop stars. The title was ironic he explains, because âcocaine will make you not give a fuck about any other member of the human raceâ. Cocker shelved the song because he thought it might actually stop the people of Britain voting Labour â a sign, he says, of his overweening ego at the time.
When I was 14, a friend gave me a perfectly executed cartoon of Cocker, drawn on squared paper in a maths lesson and titled âMy future husbandâ. It is often a source of frustration for musicians when their biggest audience proves to be teenage girls, but this is to overlook the power of teenage girls â and teenagers in general â to work up an intensity of feeling that all but creates a career. Cocker should know, because he conceived of his future â conceived of Pulp, âplanned my whole life outâ â at the age of 14 in an economics lesson, writing it all down in exercise books which he recently unearthed in an attic.Â
He had a written manifesto, âvery earnest, about how weâre going to get famous, have our own record label and radio station, and help other bands, and break the tyranny of the major labelsâ. And heâd drawn pictures, too, of an arm, with âmajor record companyâ tattooed on it and a meat cleaver saying âPulp Incorporatedâ, ready to chop off the hand.
âIt was supposed to be some socialist empowerment of the people. It wasnât just: âIâm going to buy a big house in Barbados and have a jet skiâ.â
Cockerâs proudest moment in a 30-year career was when Martin Amis agreed with something heâd said, when they appeared together on a TV talkshow approaching the millennium. Jarvis had stated that, in the 20th century, fame had replaced heaven as our ultimate goal, our way of cheating death. His own moment of fame, when it came, was sizeable, but it took him 15 years to get there: Pulp formed in 1981 â they should have been a post-punk band rather than a Britpop one.
In 1996 Melody Maker judged Cocker the fifth most famous man in Britain â after John Major, Frank Bruno, Will Carling and Michael Barrymore. Two years later, the novelist Nick Hornby reflected, âJarvis Cocker is an acute and amusing chronicler of our life and times⌠but sometimes⌠you wish heâd communicate via chat show or letter rather than song.â This he has done, and often. Jarvis has been Jarvis for the last 25 years, in radio, TV, the written word â and perhaps less so in music, in the popular imagination. When you have lingered so long outside fameâs door, fully formed and ready to go, you must be loath to make an exit. Only in the garden of a private membersâ club can he go about peacefully; he cycles in London, without a helmet, so you suspect he is recognised often, moving at speed.
Cocker shows me photos of his new bike on an old iPhone â a Moulton small-wheeled cycle, described by Norman Foster as the greatest work of 20th century British design. There are racks back and front, âto put yer bag onâ. âI have spent a lot of time on quite random, trivial things,â he tells me. When his beloved 1970 Hillman Imp car finally gave up the ghost, he had it crushed into a cube and gave it away to a fan.
Cocker was in the Paramount Hotel on West 46th Street, New York, in December 1996 when a girl called Imogen called from the New Labour office and asked for his endorsement.Â
âIâd been to some event down Whitehall,â he recalls. âA kind of wooing event, and Iâd felt really weird about that. Itâs hard to imagine now. I was 16-17 when Thatcher got in, and a Labour government seemed like a fantasy. I felt very conflicted, because I really wanted it to happen but something just seemed wrong. Even at that time â a quarter of a century ago â I thought, âYou should be doing politics, not trying to get some endorsements from some people in bandsâ. There was a desire for it to happen, and then this disease. It felt like getting chatted up.â
Imogen had tracked Cocker down during what he calls, perhaps surprisingly, a âseverely traumatic part of my lifeâ. At the end of 1996 he was having what he refers to today as a nervous breakdown. When the telephone rang in his hotel room, he assumed the suite was bugged. Heâd gone to New York around Christmas time and, alone and anxious, found himself unable to face the crowds. But he also struggled to stay indoors, tormented by the aesthetics of his hotel room â âsuper designed, with a giant picture of a Vermeer painting, a woman pouring some milk out of a blue jug. You walked in to an art installation, and I was in a fragile state of mind.âÂ
Cockerâs descent â which seems to merge with the ascent of New Labour in a lurid kind of fever dream â began with his trespassing the Brit Awards stage in February 1996 during Michael Jacksonâs performance of âEarth Songâ. âI donât really like talking about that particular incident,â he says, looking down at his knees. âPeople said at the time that it was a publicity stunt but it wasnât really like that. It had a toxic effect on my life.â
There is a considerable mismatch between the folk memory of the moment, and the memory held by the perpetrator himself. To most, Cockerâs actions look more heroic as the years go by: the last cry of a bloated Eighties megastar defeated by British indie, or something to that effect. Jacksonâs pageantry seems worse now than it did at the time: the white messiah robes and outstretched arms; the children lining up to embrace him; the rabbi bowing his head for a kiss. The pipe cleaner figure of Cocker floats on stage looking puzzled, wafts an imaginary fart at the audience (with his bottom clothed) and briefly raises his T-shirt. Hardly something to be arrested for (as he was, before being released without charge) but the 1990s are a draconian place, when you travel back in time.
[see also: Bridget Jones and the Blair years]
Cocker was represented, in his assault charge, by the comedian Bob Mortimer, a former solicitor. David Bowieâs personal film crew were able to provide tapes shot from a certain angle to prove that he had not, in fact, knocked into any children when taking the stage. But there was condemnation from Damon Albarn (âheâs got some very odd ideas about realityâ) and Jackson (âsickened, saddened, shocked, upset, cheated and angryâ).
The tabloids subjected him to feverish attention. Cocker had always talked about drugs â the liner notes of Pulpâs single âSorted For Eâs & Wizzâ showed you how to make a drugs wrap (âBan This Sick Stuntâ said the Daily Mirror). And heâd always talked about sex â he watched a lot of porn in hotel rooms on tour. Now, there were kiss and tells, and an attempt by the Sun to engineer a meeting between Cocker and his estranged father in Australia.
What thoughts were passing through his mind when he stood up and walked towards Jacksonâs stage? He wonât say. âOne thing I will say is that people are still convinced that I pulled my trousers down and showed my bottom. And itâs really not true. Thatâs when I realised what a c*** David Cameron was.â
In November 2011, he explains, the Observer put celebritiesâ questions to the new prime minister of the coalition. Cocker asked Cameron whether he really understood the phrases âfuturesâ and âderivativesâ. Cameron gave a long answer to prove that he did and added: âI was there that night, at the Brit Awards. I saw him led away. I saw his bum.â
Cocker stirs his Americano.
âI just thought, âOK, you are a liar. Youâve just shown yourself to be a liar and a complete twatâ.â
In the New Statesman that year, Cocker wrote a reflection on hangovers, inspired by the one he had the day after Tony Blair was elected. The hangover lingered, as he criticised New Labourâs treatment of single mothers, students and the disabled. It lasted 13 years, he said. It ended when Cameron got in â not because things were better, but because thatâs when he started drinking again.
There is a photograph of Cocker as a long-legged child pictured with his mother, granny, sister and aunties outside their terraced house in Intake, a suburb of Sheffield. With her red pixie haircut and large specs, his mother, an art student, looks just like an indie girl from the 1990s â or a member of Pulp â in a strange cultural collision of the original hippies and the Sixties revival decades later.
Cocker lived on the dole in the Eighties trying to get his band off the ground. During the Britpop era, Labourâs Welfare To Work scheme made such a life much trickier, inspiring a campaign by Oasisâ manager Alan McGee. The dole must have had a huge impact on peopleâs ability to pursue creative work?
âProbably for six months, and then you get lazy,â Cocker says. âNot wanting to sound like Norman Tebbit, but you do, and thatâs what drove me away from Sheffield â people were dropping like flies, having drug overdoses or losing it, and I thought, âItâs only a matter of time before I end up thereâ. So thatâs when I started hatching my escape plan.â
His ticket out â a place to study film at Central Saint Martins in London â produced âCommon Peopleâ, one of the most famous songs of the 20th century. Pulp were more refined, classy, slippery and sardonic than other Britpop bands. The image of working-class life as seen through the eyes of the songâs Greek art student gets to the heart of Cockerâs use of irony: he was interested in perceptions of class difference, perceptions of the north-south divide, as much as the real thing.
Having lived in the south for 35 years, he tells me the BBCâs insistence on using regional accents for announcers is a patronising attempt to keep people in their place. His mother became a Tory parish councillor for the village of Carlton in Lindrick, Nottinghamshire. In 1998 she told the Mirror, in an embarrassing interview, that she admired Thatcher â until the third term, when the prime minister became a megalomaniac. âI raised Jarvis on Tory values that if youâve worked hard all your life, you want to keep what youâve earned,â she said. Her son tells me he doesnât agree with his motherâs support of Brexit â âbut you wonât find many people who are going to say that everythingâs going to plan. Weâre on the downhill, and everybodyâs got their own theories of why that is.â
Unlike his mother, Cocker has voted Labour since he was old enough to vote. âI canât imagine voting for any other party,â he says, but that doesnât mean heâs excited by the current one. âCorbyn I was excited about. But having spent a lot of time moving between France and here, his inability to come to any position on Brexit finished it for me.â Keir Starmerâs Labour, he says, âfeels like the politics of opposition. Itâs happening to the left all over the world, isnât it? People have started wondering what level of dictatorship would be OK.â
A few years ago he visited the Magna Science Adventure Centre in Rotherham which recreates the world of the steel mills. Watching the installation of a âbig meltâ â when molten steel was poured into giant electric arc furnaces â made him strangely emotional. âIt must be some kind of folk memory,â he says. âIt was awful work, and loads of people got f***ed by the time they were 40. But there was some result and thatâs what people miss â that there isnât anything to glue people together in that way. Imagine working in a shipyard. After six months, suddenly thereâs this big, massive f***-off ship and youâve been part of that.
âThere is a nostalgia, not for vibration white finger or lung disease, but for times when people worked together and there would be a result. Iâm not an authority. Itâs not for me to tell the Labour Party what to do, but I think â well, I thought I stumbled on something.â
He still praises the Sheffield city council, once nicknamed the âSocialist Republic of South Yorkshireâ, which allowed children to travel for 2p on buses. He once said that when things took off for Britpop, he thought he was going to be part of something that changed society, like punk did, but it just turned out to be showbusiness.
Of all the extra-curricular jobs Cocker has done, the one the public took to most, which really seemed to fit him, was his gig as a DJ on BBC Radio 6 Music, running his Sunday Service show. His voice was as much a part of his sex appeal for teenage girls as his looks had been. The show explored a mundane but deeply nostalgic aspect of British culture: that time on a Sunday afternoon when everyone felt flat because it was nearly time for the week to start again, and you hadnât done your homework.Â
Heâd resisted radio for a long time because of his father. Mac Cocker walked out in 1970, when Jarvis was seven, leaving Sheffield for Sydney, where he began a 33-year career with the Australian Broadcasting Corporation. His gentle Yorkshire accent was appreciated on the airwaves. He had a show called The Night Train on Saturdays (Jarvis has a Radio 4 show for insomniacs called Wireless Nights); and a show called The Globetrotter on Sunday afternoons, and another called Vinyl Museum. High of forehead with long hair and large National Health-style specs, Mac wore a tank top not unlike those his son wore in Pulp. He sang with a band called Life On Mars.
Traditionally, Cocker doesnât talk much about his father. As we begin to do so, a very tiny and very hairy caterpillar makes its way along the edge of the table in front of him. It is barely a centimetre long, with legs so fine they move in little ripples of dark and light. Cocker does what all humans do when faced with a caterpillar and tries to persuade it to clamber aboard the nail on his index finger. After two or three refusals, it does so.
Mac Cocker left his son with small bits of information about himself, like a copy of Harold Pinterâs The Birthday Party on the shelf. When Jarvis was 12, he came to visit, bringing records with him.
âThatâs when I found out he was a DJ. Heâd obviously just gone into some record label and picked up some records and gave me them. I ascribed a real meaning to them, but it was just promos. They were wank. They were just these really shit records! AnywayâŚâ
Cocker wonders if he was propelled into music because of his father, but explains that any biological imperative, if it comes from an absent parent, remains a mysterious thing. âI know it must come from him, because my mother is so tone-deaf. But if you donât know him, itâs like itâs come from somewhere supernatural.â
His family would say, youâre just like your father â âbut usually as a negative thing. It was strange to be brought up with this cloudy non-presence.â Cocker and his father struck up a form of relationship eventually, whenever Pulp toured in Australia.
âYouâre telling yourself that you sprang from the loins of this person, but if you donât know the person, that disconnect is really uncomfortable. What used to drive me mad was having really inconsequential conversations. When you tried and go on to the deeper stuff, it was just words⌠I could tell he was always very uncomfortable, and Iâm not exactly the worldâs best person for talking about emotions, so I was always terrified that an awkward silence was going to descend.â
Did they at least share music? What kind was Mac into? âJazz,â he says, in disbelief. His father left a record behind in the Sheffield house â an EP by the Sixties French singer Gilbert BĂŠcaud. âYou know when singles have those big centres? Heâd made a centre for it by cutting a bit out of a Playerâs cigarette packet. That had always been in the house. I knew it was his, because his name was written on the back of it.â
When Mac was dying, Cocker visited him in Australia and took the BĂŠcaud EP with him.
âI just Blu-Tacked it on his wall. It was the only thing I had of his. I just thought, because he went a bit away with the fairies before he died, I thought, thatâs something from his past. I just stuck it on there.â
And left it?
âYeah.â
In October this year, Cocker will release his own album of French music â songs originally sung by Françoise Hardy, Serge Gainsbourg, Jacques Dutronc â to accompany the forthcoming Wes Anderson film The French Dispatch, which is set in the 1960s. It features a fictional pop star called Tip Top who is modelled partly on Cocker. Anderson directed his intonation, his delivery, in the studio. Cockerâs French, he says, is âsomething I should be ashamed and embarrassed aboutâ, despite the fact he got to A-level standard, was married for six years to the French stylist Camille Bidault-Waddington, lived in Paris, and has a French son. He regularly travels to France to visit Albert, now 18, and stays in an apartment backing on to the Hotel Amour. Albert looks just like him. During the pandemic he got around the social distancing rules by hugging him through a bed sheet.
In 1998 Cocker told the Sydney Morning Herald âI just want to find a way of being an adult without it being boring.â Does he feel heâs achieved this? âI know Iâm still slightly immature,â he says. âI mistrusted adults as a child. But thereâs something really grotesque about people who refuse to grow up. When I became a father, people were always saying [he whines] âYouâre going to changeâ. But actually it doesnât change you, it just opens up a new bit of you. It was a real revelation to me, to realise I had that instinct. I found it liberating. As you move through life, these little doors open. The other ones are still open as well.â
He thinks all human beings believe they just missed a golden age. For him it was the Sixties, the decade in which he was born, âwhen the Beatles were still a group. They came to an end as the Seventies came, and I was six or seven. Thatâs the same year that me dad left. It felt like, OK, youâve had your fun.
âWhen youâre a kid and youâre looking at the adult world,â he ponders, âyouâre only looking at whatâs current at that time. Like me wanting to be a pop star. By the time it happened, pop stars were on their way out. By the time youâre old enough to be part of it, itâs gone. So in a funny way, kids live in the past.
âI think thatâs the fatal flaw in the whole Britpop thing. I donât like to say that word, because it was an invented label â but that was the fatal flaw, and it takes us back to the fatal flaw of electing a Labour government and believing it would be the same as it used to be. Letâs make the Beatles again⌠Oasis really tried to do that, but you canât make a period in history happen again.â
As a songwriter, Cocker telescoped himself into the future with âDisco 2000â and âHelp The Agedâ. The former felt open-hearted but the latter, intended as a kiss-off to youth-obsessed politics, sounded sour at the time.
âIt always used to drive me mad, people going on about, âOh, youâre so ironicâ,â he says. âIt would be rubbish to devote your life to doing something that was insincere. I guess Iâll often undercut what Iâm singing about as Iâm doing it â and thatâs just because of the way my mind works. As I think one thing, Iâll think the opposite as well. Later in life, you discover that you are allowed to have two thoughts: itâs a natural function of the way your mind works.â
Some would say that, as you progress through life, you get better at trusting your instincts?
âI think if you just follow your instincts your whole life, youâll be a monster.â
Cocker brightens, perhaps because our interview is ending. When he talks about his hobbies, he gives a big leonine flash, raising his silvery eyebrows above the frames of his glasses.
I phoned him a few weeks later, after the summer, to see what heâd been up to. He was at a secret location in Spain, making a movie he wasnât allowed to talk about. A pandemic spent going through his loft, and noticing priceless keepsakes among the rubbish, has inspired him to write a book about pop and nostalgia â Good Pop, Bad Pop â to be published next year.
He is dying to be back on stage after two years off it. âIâm touching a wooden table now. Weâve already had to postpone this tour twice.â And he talks about Labour again â he really seems to care! You think back to his manifesto, his teenage sketch of a meat cleaver chopping off a hand. Then you look at a life lived gently, moving between projects, ponderings and ârandom trivial thingsâ â and you wonder what his revolution would look like.
Jarvis Cockerâs new album âTip Top: Chansons dâEnnuiâ is released on 22 October.
#Jarvis Cocker#Pulp#Pulp band#1996#Britpop#Different Class#This Is Hardcore#it's a good writeup#music interviews#music journalism#music#musicians#90s music#2021
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gather the rosebuds while you may
#empathy got me thru 2021 and icb its been 2 years lmao time flies đĽ˛#exo d.o.#do kyungsoo#exo fanart#d.o.#kyungsoo fanart#kpop fanart#꡸댟#íŹěí¸#ěźëŹě¤í¸#kpop artwork#watercolor painting#illustration#watercolor illustration#watercolor sketch#watercolor journal#journal#journal spread#kyungsoo empathy#d.o. empathy#exo artwork#ëëĄě#exo do kyungsoo#kpop sketchbook#kpop art#exo aesthetic#watercolor#traditional art#watercolor art#kpop watercolor
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<3 DECEMBER 2021 PLAYLIST <3
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youtube
Ok, this is just fucked up, man! This is almost sounds like something Disney would do. (Not fully but yâall probably have an idea) And it kind of explains like⌠A LOT. The Adults are drowning more than swimming TBH.
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youtube
Feel free to add on to this post if any of yâall have more info on the situation going on with the company when you can.
#SERIOUS POST#ATHF#adult swim#space ghost coast to coast#it makes C Martin Crokerâs death more sadder I genuinely have mad respect for him and he is important Adult Swim and CN in general#entertainment industry#Hollywood#reblog this#Williams Street#reblog or repost this#mini rant#the brak show#journalism#sealab 2021#this is messed up#I respect lots of the animators creators and VAs that work in adult swim but I hate what the CEOs and higher-ups are doing >:(#aqua teen hunger force#repost#cartoon network#they also keep cancelling some of their best shows like what they did to Morel Orel VBros and Metalocolypse#Youtube
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It took me awhile to process the election.
(Photo circa Jan 2021)
America, Questioned
I grew up with a flag held high,
A promise etched against the skyâ
Life, Liberty, the right to be,
Bound in words that once felt free.
But now I sit, heart raw and torn,
Wondering where that faith was born.
A felon leads, and justice bends,
The lines we drew, the rules we penned.
How do we send young souls to fight,
When those in power betray that light?
How do we stand as freedomâs voice,
When our own path denies that choice?
Ukraine left to face the dark,
Palestine left with fading spark.
The world is wide, the cries are loud,
But we turn away, heads bent and bowed.
The heroes past, they lie and wait,
Their voices lost in presentâs fate.
Did all their fights, their dreams, their pain,
End here, in hollow, bitter gain?
I want to care, I want to stand,
But it feels like slipping sandâ
A country I thought would always rise
Now blinded by its own disguise.
So here I am, beneath the weight
Of love turned sorrow, hope turned hate.
Yet still, within, a quiet plea:
Is there a way to set it free?
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#writing#election 2024#elections#journalism#presidential election#election#us elections#foreign relations#general election#election day#foreign policy#forest#future#futuristic#futurism#romance#america#amazing body#self love#selfie#phtography#flag#the future#2021#kamala 2024#harris walz 2024#2024#luca 2021#poets on tumblr#usa politics
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So, why do I write then?
Above is a photo of my December 8, 2021 journal entry. The typed version of the entry follows:
12/8/2021. 1:09pm Upstairs. Preservation Coffee House
So, why do I write, then? It's really not about you, future reader. It's more about embracing the phenomenon of basic being--catching existence on the fly. Any point in time, any "now"---is a potential integration opening.
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my dreams have so much lore you guys have no idea
#my post#i used to write down all my dreams every night and they had like categories and occasionally recurring characters#like there were these things called the shattered and they were parts of the dream that were aware i was dreaming#not like me myself ive never lucid dreamed before. just like seperate characters who knew#most of em just hung out and provided stupid commentary (ily faceless narrator)#WAIT I HAVENT WRITTEN ONE DOWN SINEC 2021?? horrendous i need to start my dream journal again
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đFebruary 2021đ
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