#jokeri

[tajunnanovikoodi]

Ois perkele uuden uutukaisia meemuloisia tarjolla!

Rakkauden hovinarri se taas hauskuuttaa kuningaskuntaa kyyneleet poskilla valuen.

[ciderjacks]

#RIP to their beautiful marriage

[pillimehukas]

[nyhti]

They are drinking coffee together.

[alliluyevas]

how did american sniper get nominated for best picture lmfao

[dukeofthomas]

Watching lego: batman w some ppl but it's in finnish so it's a whole new experience

[thebrokenmechanicalpencil]

Get away from the walls.

( @quibble-auk I tried, PLEASE let me know how out of character this is for Sunrazor. Or in character if I'm feeling chipper. Maybe this isn't too rushed feeling, I hope you enjoy it. TW. Gore, Sunrazor, Comet Eater.) (Not beta read)(Also, if you happen to be reading this, the scary lady belongs to quibble as tagged above!!! GO LOOK her arts and writing is the cool!!)

-

She shouldn't have had to come along. As Sunrazor meandered she hardly held her jaw clicked shut. This wasn't a mess she needed to have her hands in, yet she traversed the broken mine carrying two engineers in tow. Because there had been an extra bot a cycle ago. As the group shuffled past old dead equipment and rotten shells, they kept their red shiny optics open for their runaway. Curlshaft had disappeared off one of the sights marked off from redistribution and overall digestion of equipment, Sunrazor couldn't care less about the scrawny rustbucket bot. But, his disappearance could lead to worse things than just a death. “What if it was a defection? An autobot siege upon the already low moral in the engineers..” It had been whispered through the subservient tumbled maws of her higher ups.

Curlshaft, though not high in rank nor in firepower, held high intelligence and a genuine sway among the “recruited” engineers.

Such as the two bots now trailing Sunrazor.

“Commander, we.. we passed our toe hook!” 

Sunrazor was moments from counting this hash of a mission as a loss. She clenched her teeth and forced one sharp breath before whipping to glower at the small ratty mech who had piped up. Jawsnap flinched under the intensity of his superior’s gaze and lights. Said high beams had almost been comforting going through the twisted slick of a mineshaft, now it seared and burned. “What?” Grounding out past her shadow of a face,  Jaw almost choked. “O-our toe! It's ughm what we used a landmark ughm for when we- go lower into the shaft..where ugh..” Patience thinning and already on the edge of just stomping the pitiful mech into goo, Sunrazor allowed a harsh snarl of her engine. It effectively shut her guide up, making his partner flinch lower than a dying scraplet. “What Jaw means Commander, is that the cavern seems to have,” he breathed deeply, his friend nodding hard enough to dislodge his helm, if Sunrazor didn't do it first. “Shifted due to the destabilization of cybertrons mid layer-” Garble and more nonsense Sun had no interest in. This ramble when he finished only explained the very obvious. She and the two baggage claims were lost in a crumbling tunnel. Trying to find a corpse. Which she had already spent far too much time doing to begin with. Sunrazor felt her cannon heat as the frustration began to bubble and split her processor. She was coated in dust, one of her lights were cracked, and stuck with two soft armored brainiacs that have no sense of direction. In a tunnel three sizes too small for her.

Another growl escaped her, she couldn't help but wonder if she could say the engineers fell down a pit. In pieces. As if trying to save the situation, the silver bot who distinctly lacked a stutter suggested, “We could turn back, it mustn't be too far.” The mech nodded back squinting in the lights adorning Sunrazor like a bird of paradise’s plumage. Said bird forced a hard vent, staring out into the dark of the cave. Engine already hot and her need to just gut the two mechs leaching into any orders she received. With a sharp snarl she turned to see two bright lights hanging over Jawsnap. Helm turned and her light illuminating the other side of the passage, she turned her frame to catch his helm being crushed in a mass of teeth and flesh.

 Battle programming activation took only moments. It slowed the descent of the rather cybertronian face from the dark, it highlighted the split of said face stretching and widening its jaw. Like a flower blooming, thousands of teeth emerged. By the time her lights snapped and her battle programming gained a foothold, that mess of teeth and spilt energon was dragging a limp engineer up the cave wall. She managed a shot missing completely. “Get away from the walls!” She shoved herself back towards the middle of the room snatching a now shellshocked mech with her. SunRazor’s processor whirled and snarled, calculating the angle in which the thing had dragged itself up into the pitch black. Her lights slithered up along the ceiling catching nothing. If what the engineers said was true, she couldn’t just shoot or this section of the mine may come down on them.

The sound of ripping metal and half awake screams tore through the air, the cave warping the noises of agony into a chorus. She squinted hard trying to keep the screams from distracting her sensors. Then the cries of a caught newspark grew to be duetted by the sounds of eating. Her tanks roiled in the realization. In the tight space she could only move so much, getting away and at a safe distance was impossible. Sunrazor had learned before that you don’t fight in too close of combat with what was slurping and ripping out the insides of her charge.

A bright blue illuminated above the trio as a rain of energon dropped down above them. The life blood getting in her optics and coating her lights. She caught a glimpse of the grotesque face and the spark, still alive and beating, slipping down its wet throat. Sunrazor fired. Jawsnap screamed loud and hard as the rocks began to slip and crack, and his friend’s mangled corpse dropped with a wet thud. Along with the mangled energon covered monster. It stood only for a moment, its long organic legs bowed in a crouch and its serene face painted in gore.  Its wet eyes narrowed in a glare at Sunrazor, recognition clear. Sunrazor only smiled, winked, and blew its side open. It was up in the metaphorical rafters in moments but from the rain of its familiar yellow blood she knew she had hit home. Jackjaw stood frozen staring at the corpse of his friend, and then screamed again. His guardian snarled in distaste, realizing she didn't have time to get reacquainted with her old friend. “Move.” Jack jaw only choked on a sob, dribbles of energon dripping from his mouth as he purged his tanks. Sunrazor had no time for such grief. She threw him down the length of the cave with a yell, plating flaring. “I SAID MOVE.” Sunrazor let out a couple warning shots in the direction of the yellow pool as the cave began to heave. As if wanting nothing more than to puke them out from causing its innards so much pain.

 Her lights painted the cave in a sickly pink as she tore back up the shaft. Exhilaration warmed her as she kept up with the creature in the dark, laughing when it got a good strike on her face. She returned it by slamming the amalgamation into the craggy cave wall. It quickly stuck its clawed hand into a deep pocket of her armour, her arm spasmed as it wiggled out from under her. She caught the fear however. “Frightened little one?!” She roared, firing after its blood trail, “Good, I can smell it!” A snap made her roar as one of her lights was ripped from its sockets. A whisper gentle as a breeze flashes along her audials. It was a heaved breath of rage. Another hot plunge of her battle computer had her ramming her back into the wall. She missed. A claw caught her left optic. A flash of the smell she associated with her prey. Then it was gone again. Sunrazor screamed in rage at the agony in her senses. The agony snitched itself to an unbridled snap of satisfaction.

 She could see she had almost made it to the main tunnel, a quick scan saw the engineer was gone. Good. She stopped venting a blast of steam. Her inner workings blazing in the thrill of a challenge. “Little thing,” her voice purred over the echo of the cave, her optics chasing the drops of its life. “You’re not shy now are you?” A hiss, a shot. Sun razor smiled softly at the thunk and harsh scream. She turned her helm to the sound, bright optics shining demonically past the machinery. “You need practice, you’re too loud.” She waltzed toward the heap that breathed cloying breaths, “Didn’t those autobots teach you anything?” She crouched easily over the thing, face plate cruel as it was thoughtful. The thing made the valiant effort to snarl, she snatched up his neck before he could finish. Gasping and whimpering it clawed weakly at her large hand,  meanwhile Sunrazor studied its face. It was young obviously, young and so full of potential. She had caught those traits when she had her first encounter, and her second. Her frame burned with reminders of all the wounds this creature had inflicted, and in such a short time. “You're a wily little thing, sad you're being wasted.” She murmured this mostly to herself, her fingers moving to cradle the thing’s face. It stiffened as she turned its head back and forth, almost gentle. She slowly contemplated how it would be to have this creature as a dog. It would be quite the project. Sunrazor  lifted it by its soft young face plate, it howled in pain at the motion. “What do you think about that? I could teach you how to keep this from happening.”

It stared at her swathed in fear. “Since your masters back home sent you here, I assume they thought you were strong enough to do what was needed, hm?” She leaned close to the creature as it whimpered. “Or maybe, little one, they decided you were too much trouble and named me to put you down.” It winced. Sunrazor smiled gently, perfect. “What if I told you, I could make you strong enough to never be pinned again?” She saw it, the flash of thought. The crack. The pain. The doubt. Sunrazor smirked at the mind killer. “Now- AGH-!” Pain exploded in her already hurt optic as the thing had the gall to swipe at her. She squeezed, her once gentle fingers bruising and cutting flesh. “Fine,” She reared back to slam its helm into the rock, a good way to neutralize such a rodent.  It responded by snapping her own helm back with, a wing? The extra appendage blinded her already limping optics. In seconds claws found her face, and raked. She screamed as energon poured down her front. Unable to see or stabilize herself she felt it run. Sunrazor slammed a fist in a vain attempt to catch the now winged beast, but she met only rock. Wind from the thing’s escape bathed her face, and then it was gone. She stood quickly and listened intently. Turning slowly, before slamming her other fist into the rock. 

She had let it get away again.

[burgers-in-anime]

Love wins… burger loses

[scoringeffects]

auston matthews is on pace for 0 goals this 24-25 season !

[chiropteracupola]

pondering up some jerseys for @baronetcoins's baseball au

[trolledu]

Trolleng's Recovered Jokery #4

A man living in the American suburbs sometime in the 1950s, would pass a certain house every morning on the way to work and often see the housewife of that house hitting either one of her teenage sons over the head with a baguette!

Thinking it strange, he chose to ignore this however, until one day he saw her hitting one of the boys over the head with a chocolate cake!

This was enough for him to come knocking at the door, which she answered with pieces of the chocolate cake still all over her hands.

"Madam," he said, "excuse me for intruding, but every other day I see you hitting either one of your sons over the head with a loaf of bread, but today you're hitting this boy with a chocolate cake-"

Before the man could continue, the lady interrupted him saying, "Well, today's his birthday!"

[nyhti]

Riddlejokes fluff. Joker falls sleep at Eddie's place.

[lilliryth]

Your dad is a catch.

I'm certain that if pressed my father, who owns 2k+ laserdiscs, 8 laserdisc players, 5k+ DVDs, who runs a blog where he makes near daily posts about movies and hosts a movie podcast, and who saw Spectre in theaters 27 times because Regal Cinemas offered an unlimited viewing card for fifty dollars, would insist that he is a Fully Normal Adult Man with no divergence, neuro or otherwise. After all what is not normal about doing a job where you have the same daily routine, down to recording the second half of your favorite morning talk show every day so you can listen to it on your commute home and drinking 4 liters daily of the only beverage that tastes good to you that you bring in a cooler that you carry to every one of your classrooms every day, except for in the summer, when you teach summer school and wear a different hawaiian shirt every day because you like them better than every other kind of shirt and have collected enough not to repeat for an entire eight weeks but feel that they break dress code for the rest of the year.

We went on a month-long road trip once and he got thirty tapes and recorded a month's worth of the talk show without listening to the second half so he'd have something to listen to when he was driving each morning on the trip.

He has absolutely no idea why his kids (one of whom was diagnosed as autistic in the 80s and the other was diagnosed with ADHD in their thirties) are so weird or how they got that way.

C'mon, Pops. I learned it from watching you.

[putrifiers]

when I was horny and 14 the gizz confessions account was a lot funnier to me but now I look at it like. Huh.

[burgers-in-anime]

Happy Pride!

[7-oh-ta1]

You ever read something and just think "wow. you've never lived on the bottom rung of society, huh"

Like some people's logic, it's not that it's not sound it's just that, like wow. you really think there's no reason to not to [x] thing, or believe [x] thing. You can't imagine a life that would allow that. I envy you