#joker nsft

[the-muppet-joker]

I Felt Your Embrace

Part 1

Tags: Joker x Kermit, Cosmo Kramer, Joker's Cum Makes Kermit Insane, Cum Harvesting

--Martians (Sesame Street) x Kramer, Vore, and more to come in part 2--

♤♡♧♧

Cosmo Kramer had done some odd jobs in his life, this one was just about to take the cake. He was visiting Gotham on a whim, and saw an ad in the paper for a delivery job that seemed to be a quick cash grab. "Delivery boy wanted for a Mr. Joker, eh? Sounds like I just gotta deliver clown supplies or somethin, like those flowers that shoot people with water, or maybe juggling balls. Shouldn't be too difficult...might even get free clown supplies. You never know, could come in handy..."

He realized, too late, that this Joker was no ordinary clown. Before him was a scene that was equal parts disturbing, errotic, and baffling. A green muppet fellow, a frog by the looks of it, lay in an ecstatic stupor on the floor of the warehouse the Joker had requested Kramer meet him at. The muppet, addressed by the clown as "Kermit" had been in a violent frenzy when Kramer had arrived, and only calmed down when Joker had scooped copious amounts of a strange, sticky fluid out of the hole in his back, storing it safely in a jar. The way Kermit had moaned and shuddered at the contact, and how even in his subdued state he lay twitching on the floor with a blissful, fucked out look in his eyes... Kramer eyed the substance in the jar and gulped nervously. Whatever it was, it sure made that muppet go wild.

The clown who hired him cleared his throat, snapping Kramer out of his thoughts. He looked different than most clowns he had seen: instead of silly, baggy clothes, he wore a tight-fitting, stylish purple suit that complimented his lean figure. Where most clowns had painted a dopey smile, the Joker's milky white face had a sharp, crimson grin. And his eyes... his eyes were what drew Kramer in the most acid green, with a slight glow that matched that of the jar's contents.

"If you're done staring, I'd like to talk business," Joker crooned. Kramer nodded wordlessly, wondering when his mouth had gotten so dry. Joker grinned.

"My darling Kermit over there has a group of acquantences who are... new in town, so to speak. They have a passion for cataloging just about everything on earth in this quaint little book of theirs."

Joker's eyes burned into Kramer's as he spoke, and Kramer was suddenly reminded of a snake constricting its prey.

"They stopped by unexpectedly the other day in the middle of one of me and Kermit's... sessions, and they want a sample of whatever made him act so strangely so they may research it." Joker pressed the jar and a slip of paper into Kramer's sweaty hands. Joker's long, spiderlike fingers brushed against Kramer's and he had to surpress a yelp. Jesus, I don't know if I'm more terrified or turned on by this weirdo, but I gotta snap out of it. You're here for a job, Kramer. Think of the cash, Kramer thought desperately.

"Go to the address on that paper and deliver this. Get their signature confirming they received it, return here, and I will reward you handsomly. Joker finished with a blood-red smile.

"With cash, right? $1000?" Kramer asked, fidgeting. He wasn't sure where to look; hot-creepy clown, moaning muppet, jar of glowing cum in his hands... Jerry was never going to believe this shit.

Joker just smiled even wider, and Kramer babbled an assortment of "sounds good" and "got it boss" type phrases as he stumbled out the door. This clown is outta control, he thought, hoping the folks at the location on the paper would be less strange...

--Part 2 Coming Soon--

[chthonickore]

A tiktok Reddit story had me look through one of the most deranged blogs ever just now 😭😭 wym this person has a Kermit plushie they fuck and hates women

[think-ill-watch-it-burn]

Burnie's Big List

Hi babies! Since I've been MIA for approximately, uh,*checks watch* two years *cough* 😅 I thought I'd give the ol master list an update. Turns out I missed a few on the last one! I'm also officially announcing a (hopefully temporary) hiatus. I'm so sorry. 🥺 I explained a little more in the update post recently. But I do intend to go through my current inbox of requests, asks and messages! If anyone is still interested. I may also be throwing in a new fandom or two as my squirrel brain floats from one to another. Expect things to pickup closer to Season 3's drop! I can't wait to see my beefcake in action again! 😍

As of right now (11/12/2024) Requests are temporarily CLOSED. CUSTOM REQUESTS are also temporarily CLOSED. I'm so sorry, my loves, but I promise I WILL be back. However, my inbox is ALWAYS open to anyone for any reason! ❤️

Click here for a little bit more about me and a list of what I will and won't write.

Master List under the cut!

Sagamiya Konro

SFT Alphabet: • F K U Z • I (Beni x Konro) Headcanons: • Cuddles with Konro • Konro is Sick • Young Punk Konro • Father/Daughter Relationship NSFT Alphabet: A B C D J K O V X #50 NSFT Dialogue Prompts: • Konro x Beni: #29. "Spread your legs for me. I want to see you." Originals: • Konro x Reader: Kon Gets More Cowgirl than He Can Handle

Shinmon Benimaru

SFT Alphabet: • F J T • P R Headcanons: • Beni x Reader - 1st Impressions (HC) Requests: • Beni x Konro - Beni is Sick NSFT Alphabet: • A B C D J K O V X • I S Y • E I • I (Beni x Konro) #50 NSFT Dialogue Prompts: • Beni x Reader: #41. "Does it make you nervous when I stare?" • Beni x Konro: #29. "Spread your legs for me. I want to see you."

Joker

SFT Alphabet: • A B C J M N Z • J I L NSFT #50 NSFT Dialogue Prompts: • Joker x Reader: #12. "I'm going to fucking ruin you." + #16. "Keep your eyes open. Come on, look at me, baby." Joker x F!Reader: • Pet Play • Heat Wave Headcanon Ficlets

Viktor Licht

NSFT • Headcanon

Juggernaut

SFT Alphabet: C D K M

Ogun

SFT Ogun x Black Fem!SO Working Out (HC)

Akitaru Obi

SFT Alphabet: B F L Obi x Hibana (HC) Captain Burns Dating Obi's Ex Wife

Princess Hibana

SFT Obi x Hibana (HC)

[bougiebutchbitch]

softcore naughties so as not to get myself booted off tungle again <3

[nyansequitur]

always remember to practice proper lab safety (slightly older commission from @/maneymaw)

[jokers-prehensile-boner]

hey uh so when i open pornhub at work it just shows me boobs and stuff, any way to prevent this? its only when im at work

[neonnymphnaomi]

Looking for my next victim

Of

[the-muppet-joker]

A Taste Test of my WIP:

Adam screamed in frustration. How was he meant to populate the earth without Eve? As much as he despised her, he yearned to spread his seed across the land and just... BREED. He balled up his fists into his hair, lost in thought, when suddenly...

A rustling from the bushes, with a hushed, crazed laughter and an amphibious-sounding moan.

"Shhh... Kermit, you have to keep it down, darling~ or the very first man will hear us... or is that what you want, you filthy exhibitionist <3"

Adam's errection perked up, listening. "I think I have found something worth breeding," he thought.

[nostalgic90s]

Toying around with the idea of Jerome Valeska (Gotham series) kidnapping Bruce Wayne (The Joker 2019 movie). Not that I got anything against David Mazouz as Bruce (he is my favorite) but his version of Bruce was kind of a brat hehe, perhaps because Alfred raised him - little man tried to challenge the Court of Owls for crying out loud. That and witnessing his parents death gave him some world experience, at least an understanding of the cruelty of men. Anyway, I like Dante Pereira-Olson's version of Bruce due to his innocence, and naïveté to his innocence. He let some stranger with a clown nose walk up to him and entertain him with magic tricks, before letting the guy (Joker) stick his fingers into his mouth. Bruce didn’t think this man would hurt him, hell he’s so sheltered he probably doesn’t think bad men exist in the first place. As for the reason behind the abduction, it could be the same as Arthur Fleck, in which Jerome truly believes Thomas Wayne is his biological father. However, trying to engage Thomas Wayne ends badly, and it leaves a bitter taste of revenge on Jerome’s tongue. When an unexpected opportunity presents itself, Jerome seizes the moment to whisk his half-brother away.

In other words, I just want Jerome to do really bad things to baby Bruce-

[think-ill-watch-it-burn]

Can you do some Joker nsfw alphabet please (I was really shy to ask that ok ;_;)

Why I sure can anon! I'm sorry it's taken such a long while to reply, but never feel shy to make a request in these here parts. It may take me a while but trust it's very hard to bother me <3

The dirty, filthy letters C, J, K, O, and V under the cut ;)

C = Cum (Anything to do with it)

This man loves to watch himself cum - and also to touch it, to rub his dick in it, to spread it over your skin, to fuck it back into you and work toward a second fill-up. He likes to paint your lips with it, your tits, spray it over your body as far and wide as he can. Then sit back and proudly admire his work... you’d never expected to feel so beloved and beautiful covered in a man’s semen but Joker was full of surprises like that....

He’s equally obsessed with YOUR cum, bringing you to it and watching you do it to yourself, making you squirt (if possible), wracking your body as hard and as often as he possibly can, leaving just an absolute mess of you - then slurping it up like a dying man in a desert.

Messy, messy boy.

J = Jack Off

I think before he’s involved with another person cumming is most likely a means of relief for him, maybe even a shameful secret he hides even from himself when he can, his past leaving his sense of sexuality complicated at best. It takes time for him to get past the guilt of enjoying sex at all - or to even move past his shame for experiencing sex in any capacity.

On one hand its a means to an end. On the other, he can’t help but indulge his curiosity.

Once he finds a significant other it’s split down the middle between relief and quelling his urges for your contact

K = Kink

I’ve definitely absorbed the headcanon that he’s at least a little into pet play, in both dom and sub positions - with the right person/people.

He also loves him some power play - although he’s not down for being cruel or violent toward his partner, he likes to push boundaries and test limits. He doesn’t particularly like feeling overpowered - and might even feel threatened by it - but does appreciate displays of strength and skill by his partner, whatever those may be.

O = Oral

He’s equally enthusiastic about both giving and receiving, which is a resounding VERY. He’s not above popping in for a quick blowjob, or to gift a quick orgasm to his lover with the intention of thoroughly enjoying his later.

V = Volume

Filthy, filthy mouth on this boy. The unintelligible sounds are largely grunts, huffs, growls and snarls, maybe some long-suffering groans. But the words... his mastery of the english language as it pertains to your body and the unspeakable things he's doing to it is unmatched. The actual volume likely varies, depending on where you are, what you're doing, and how much he's hoping to be overheard.

[bougiebutchbitch]

MAYBE, Bruce, if you tied up the clown and FUCKED HIM, he would stop KILLING PEOPLE

have ya thought of that??? Huh????? HUH???

[clowningachievement]

!! For Batman

Ah, Bruce. Yes, Bruce. Brucie. Little Brucely Wayway.

Outside of the suit, he was just a man. A greasy, handsome slice of beef but just some man all the same. But in the suit. The cowl, the cape, the uncomfortably tight material clinging to his every curve. The rippling muscles, the stern looks, often of misery or anger. The delectable way he pulled his punches just enough to try and keep from killing him. The familiar feeling of his hands on his throat.

He was a bitter, angry, hateful, confused little excuse for a man. The tension building beneath the surface. Oh, the seething! The way he cares so deeply, so desperately, the way they are so made for each other, designed divinely as opposites drawn together again and again in bursts of intense passion...

Of course, he knows the romance is largely one sided, but it's hard to resist! They've been a part of each other for so long that to live apart just scarcely seems worth it. As much as he enjoys other playthings, little distractions or hobbies on the side, nothing and no one will ever get between him and that Bat. They are enemies, they will always be enemies, they can't be anything but enemies. And he loves it. Wouldn't have it any other way. ... Wouldn't regret an opportunity to get at that dick though.

[sexy-strings-of-fate]

"Play with yourself pretty boy, give us a show.~~"

--

"Very well~" Joker pulls his red glove off with his teeth, throwing it aside. His fingers dip down to play with his folds. He lets out a soft moan. He'd been getting himself all worked up throughout the stream, and now he finally got to have a little fun.

He rubbed at his clit before pressing a finger into his pussy, and then another. Hid hips rocked back and forth excitedly. "Aaah, I hope I'm not the only one enjoying myself here, darlings~"

[jokers-prehensile-boner]

new sport added to the olympics: competitive watersports

[the-jokers-husband]

My oc and The Joker in the last fic I wrote legitimately can't hurt each other because even if they tried it just devolves into weird sex stuff

[puzzlies]

Well I'm not sure what's worse. People on Twitter voting on polls to have sex with the Joker or to have sex with me.