#johnny jackson

[historyandchill]

This is the style I’ve been sticking too for the past month, though most of my art is just sketches due to no motivation to finish digital. I finally finished this piece of my beloved oc Johnny.

[tommy-288]

AHHH FINALLY ART!! (Ignore the fact that I haven’t been posting in this fandom, sorry ACW pals 😔)

This is @historyandchill ‘s OC, Johnny! Go stare at their art now!!

Also here’s another rlly beautiful art piece: Stonewall Jackson and Dr. McGuire.

He’s so dramatic 🙄

[stellewriites]

PART ONE

summary: by chance you and your emotionally unavailable husband meet a friendly couple that invite you stay at their farmhouse in scotland. however the time spent there with johnny & kyle has you questioning if there's a dark side to them you didn't see before.

a speak no evil au - masterlist

notes: manipulative johnny & kyle, piv, noncon, somno, never explicitly acknowledged abusive relationship between reader and her husband (financial, physical, emotional, coercive control), drinking, murder, it's dead dove horror people!! heed the warnings

you picked at the buttery croissant on the plate in front of you, trying your best to block out the sound of your husband’s voice as it grew more frustrated by the minute. you pitied the poor soul he was berating on the other end of the line, but you couldn’t bring yourself to feel bad enough to try and stop him, to turn his ire against you instead.

he wouldn’t listen to you anyway, hadn’t the first few times you’d asked when you’d first arrived on your honeymoon.

you scoffed quietly and shoved a bite into your mouth, chewing obstinately. two years late, but sure. your honeymoon.

elliot sighed heavily, and threw his phone down onto the table, rattling your coffee and gaining the attention of nearby hotel staff. “i work with fucking idiots, christ. how hard is it to follow instructions?”

“it’s why they keep you around, smartest one on your team,” you said appeasingly, the same rote answer you always gave him when he got in his moods.

“smartest one at the whole fucking firm more like,” he scoffed. you cringed at the scornful looks sent your way from the other couples on the retreat. “useless. the lot of them.”

the french riviera had been a dream destination for you for years, one elliot had known about from early in your dating days. the holiday he’d booked was all inclusive; tailored to honeymooners specifically with romantic activities on and off site and transport easily accessible in order to explore the area.

you felt as though you should’ve been having the time of your life as you sat eating breakfast looking over the beautiful beach view, but you’d never felt emptier. the sight of happy couples around you day after day had only highlighted your husband’s distance.

elliot had promised this trip would change things for you both, for your relationship, but the last six days had proven the opposite. if he wasn’t busy and distracted on his phone, elliot was complaining about the quality of the food, the amenities, even the bloody people.

it was too much and just the morning before you’d been tempted to ask him to cut the fortnight away short when he’d gotten an urgent email and then a frantic call from his boss.

you’d sighed in relief when he’d left you to wander the local area by yourself for the day; happy to escape his negativity for an hour even as you felt guilty for thinking so. you knew he worked hard, you knew his job was important, and his work meant you could afford your luxury apartment in London and be able to take trips like this one without stressing over the cost.

you’d taken the time to go to the market you’d read about on the plane, the place des lices, and tried every free sample of cheese that had been waved your way once you’d gotten there. but you hadn’t been the only one from your hotel to take advantage of the famous food stalls as you recognised the deep scottish brogue of one half of the couple that were staying in the room next to yours; it rose even above the busy hum of french chatter easily.

you’d turned your head and smiled when you caught his pretty husband’s eyes before turning back to the stall merchant and buying a chunk of fresh camembert for elliot to try. you’d been eyeing up the fruit stall further down and were debating the brie too if you spotted some good cranberry jam.

“you’re from the hotel, right?” you suddenly heard from your left. you turned to find the couple a lot closer than before, apparently taking your polite smile as invitation to join you. “i’ve seen you at the pool before. I’m kyle, this is my husband, johnny.”

“nice t’meet ye.”

you’d introduced yourself and shook their hands once your cheese was carefully packed into your tote bag.

“where’s yer chatty husband?” johnny asked, eyes scanning the crowd.

you flushed, a creeping sense of embarrassment rising as you thought of elliot back at the hotel shooing you off before you’d even sat for breakfast.

“oh he had some emergency at work he had to deal with,” you excused. “didn’t need me hanging around distracting him, so i went for a walk.”

“you’re on your own?” kyle asked with a concerned frown.

“yeah, but i don’t mind. i travelled alone a lot before we were together. i’m used to my own company,” you said with a soft laugh.

the pair swapped a silent look before focusing back on you. “well, we’d be happy to have ye if you’re feeling lonely, bonnie,” johnny offered. “we were thinkin’ of goin’ wine tasting after this now that we’ve got our snacks, if you’d like to join.”

you chuckled as johnny raised their bag and wiggled his eyebrows.

“i wouldn’t want to intrude.” you shook your head.

“it beats heading back to the hotel,” kyle cajoled. “unless you had other plans?”

you pursed your lips before letting a small, shy smile grow. “ok. wine tasting sounds fun.”

you had spent the afternoon laughing and eating the cheese, bread and fruits you’d bought at the market over glasses of wine with johnny and kyle, a wide smile never leaving your lips even as the three of you stumbled back up the steps to the hotel.

your phone had stayed silent the entire day and it wasn’t until you were waving goodbye to your new friends and opening the door to your hotel room that you wondered if elliot would be annoyed at you for staying out so long without contacting him.

you smiled a little shakily as you caught him leaving the bathroom with a towel slung around his hips. “good day?”

“fixed their mess if that’s what you mean,” elliot huffed, but he turned to you with a satisfied smile and nodded. he dipped his head down and kissed you sweetly. “what about you? good day?”

“mhm,” you hummed, your smile settling more firmly on your face at his easy mood. “i went wine tasting.”

“oh?” elliot grinned, looking at you a little closer and taking in the signs of your slight inebriation, the way you swayed slightly on your feet and the almost sleepy glaze over your eyes.

“met a few new friends,” you said. “johnny and kyle.”

elliot stiffened for a moment before smiling again, less genuine and with a sharper edge this time. “oh? that’s nice. i’ll be free to spend the day doing whatever you’d like tomorrow, darling. no need for friends on our honeymoon.”

“you will?” you asked as you started to undress, surprised he wasn’t asking for an extra day to check everything with work had settled. you didn’t look the gift horse in the mouth however. “there’s a great market i saw today we could go to. i wouldn’t mind going twice, the cheese is amazing—“

“sure, sure. fine. let’s just sleep now, yeah? i’m exhausted after today,” elliot interrupted as he dried himself off before climbing into bed.

“of course, yeah. we can figure it out over breakfast.”

which brought you back to now, with your croissant and your husband and your beach view and the ever growing pit of disappointment.

you skimmed your eyes over the other couples sat on the veranda with you and felt jealousy bubble and spit in your stomach. it was the small things you longed for, the easy affection you craved; legs hooked together under the table, feeding each other, shy smiles shared behind mugs, little jokes whispered on the breeze.

you felt tears prickle at your eyes unexpectedly and wiped at them hastily before elliot could notice.

“bonnie?” your head whipped up at the familiar voice and you smiled automatically at johnny and kyle as they made their way over. johnny was in a pair of shorts, and you saw a knee brace peek out from the hem.

“mind if we join you?” kyle asked, already pulling out a chair at your eager nod, ignoring the deep frown on elliot’s face.

“and you are?” elliot asked rudely, looking between the two men.

“this is johnny and kyle, the couple i told you about last night.” you laid a gentle hand on elliot’s forearm.

“oh, the wine tasters. right.”

“heard you were busy saving yer boss’ arse yesterday,” johnny said with a pinched smile. “yer bonnie wife didnae mention what ye did though?”

“i work for a powerful man looking after his money,” elliot explained vaguely, with an air of condescension.

you noticed kyle wave over a waitress and quietly order for both him and johnny, his palm settled firmly on johnny’s thigh beneath the table.

“oh aye? tha’s a lotta responsibility then. no wonder yer always looking so stressed on yer phone,” johnny laughed.

“oi, be nice, john,” kyle scolded, but the smile teasing the corner of his lips took away any bite the reprimand held.

“sorry, uh, emmet, was it?”

“elliot,” you corrected quickly.

johnny snapped his fingers and nodded. “right, right. sorry, my memory’s not what it used to be.” he waved at a rough scar at the side of his head.

“so how long have you two been together?” kyle asked as their drinks arrived. you saw elliot sniff at the vast amount of sugar kyle poured into his tea.

“five years,” you answered at the same time elliot answered, four years. you turned to him with a frown. “we’ve been married for two. we met before your promotion, remember?”

“are you sure, darling?” elliot asked.

“yes, elliot. i’m sure.”

kyle and johnny watched silently, eyebrows raised until you turned back to your croissant with a tense jaw.

“time flies ‘n all that,” johnny said, hoping to ease your tension.

“right.” you nodded. “what about you guys? been together long?”

“been stuck with him for a decade now,” kyle huffed, patting his hand on johnny’s leg.

“been blessed by me, more like, cheeky sod,” johnny muttered.

you laughed as kyle leant in to kiss his cheek obnoxiously. “met in the forces, just clicked.”

“been together ever since i caught him starin’ in the showers,” johnny boasted with a grin.

elliot shifted uncomfortably in his chair and johnny’s grin dropped minisculely and his eyes hardened.

“what’re yer plans today then, bonnie?”

“oh, uhm, we’re not quite sure yet,” you said looking to elliot. “maybe the market since elliot missed it yesterday?”

“you should join us on our cruise along the coast,” kyle said. “just us and the captain, and a fair bit of booze; views are meant to be unmissable.”

“sounds better than a market,” elliot chuffed before shrugging. “sure, why not?”

“really?” you were more than surprised elliot was willingly agreeing to spend more time with kyle and johnny given how on edge he’d been just sat with them the last ten minutes.

“what d’ye say, bon?” johnny leant over the small table with a smile, taking up enough space for you to feel surprisingly cornered.

“pretty hard to say no to ‘unmissable’,” you said and forced a laugh.

“great,” kyle said and johnny slumped back into his seat, throwing an arm around the back of kyle chair. “we’ve got an hour before we’re meant to be there so eat up, love.”

elliot bristled at their familiarity with you and wrapped his own arm around the back of your chair, his hand curling around your shoulder and squeezing just a tad too tight. “she’s already eaten.”

“what, that little pastry?” johnny laughed. “you’ll need yer energy for what we’ve got planned, hen.” johnny winked.

you felt yourself flush involuntarily, your heart thumped and your eyes widened at the accidental insinuation and you knew elliot had heard it the same way going by the agitated tap of his leg beneath the table.

“i’ll probably just have another coffee,” you said placating, and smiled thinly when elliot kissed your temple. “i can grab something for on the boat or afterwards maybe.”

“that’s my girl,” elliot spoke into your hair.

---

while kyle and johnny finished up their breakfast, you nipped back into your room to change into your swimwear underneath your dress and met them along with elliot at the steps leading down to the beach.

once you’d left the dock and were deep enough in the water that it became a mesmerising dark blue, it didn’t take much convincing to have you jump in the water with johnny as the boat idled in place. elliot had waved you off with a dismissive glance at his phone when you asked if he’d join and kyle had promised to have the towels ready when you’d both ran out of energy.

“not joining them?” elliot asked, sparing a quick glance at kyle as he sat down next to your husband.

“figured i’d keep you company ‘til johnny climbs back on board. we’re temporary neighbours after all, yeah?” kyle said. he looked over the side of the boat and shook his head at his husband splashing you despite your giggly squeals of outrage. “married for two years?” he asked out of the blue and waited for elliot to hum his agreement. “what you doing on a honeymoon trip then, if you don’t mind me asking?”

elliot sighed frustratedly as he locked his phone and put it down beside him, knowing he was going to get nothing done with kyle yammering by his side. “we’re busy people, only just found the time together to go.”

kyle raised his eyebrows in shock. “busy indeed.” he looked to elliot’s phone. “got any photos of the wedding?”

elliot nodded once, and not enthusiastically enough for kyle’s liking, as he pulled up the photo folder you’d made on his phone titled ‘happily ever after 🩷’ before handing it to kyle to flip through.

the younger man whistled lowly, eyes glued to the screen as he pinched and moved the photos to zoom in. elliot noticed how he paused on the photos of you, but flicked through the others quickly, not bothering to stop quick enough to take in your bridesmaids’ dresses or the expensive tiered cake or elliot’s flash suit.

he snatched his phone back when kyle licked his lips at a photo of you dancing with your friends.

“lovely gown,” kyle said with a smirk as he watched elliot seethe. “you really got lucky, eh? punching up like that.”

elliot’s eyes squinted in a glare. “excuse me?”

“come on, mate. you can be honest, it’s why you worry about the job, right? you want to keep that going for you so she doesn’t leave you in the dust,” kyle continued to goad him.

“it’s not me that needs to worry about being left behind,” elliot spat. he rubbed his hand over his mouth and jaw to hide his burgeoning smug look, but kyle saw it in his eyes, the self-satisfaction. “i’ve got options. plenty at that.”

kyle stared at him with a blank face. “oh yeah?”

elliot laughed meanly and dropped his hand. “oh yeah.” he tapped his phone against his palm for a moment, seemingly debating something before freezing as he heard you and johnny climb the short ladder back up to the deck, laughing all the while.

“done in already?” kyle asked, his mood already lighter.

“johnny’s knee is aching, thought he could rest it and we’d get a quick drink,” you answered with a wide smile, reaching for one of the beers stored in the boats built-in cooler and handing one to johnny.

“bonnie was jus’ telling me how she used to live in a much smaller area when she was younger,” johnny said as you both sat down opposite to your partners. “but you live in london now?”

“what is it with you two? always asking bloody questions,” elliot complained, hiding his unease behind a laugh.

“just making conversation, mate,” kyle said tersely.

you felt the air grow awkward and jumped in before your husband could make it worse.

“we moved to london for elliot’s work,” you said.

“and you like it?” kyle’s inquisitive, dark eyes had you willing to be more truthful than you would usually be, especially with near strangers.

“i have to admit… i’d always thought we’d be somewhere further from the city; its what i’d always wanted and elliot said he’d liked the idea of somewhere quieter. we met in my home town after all.” you caught elliot’s scornful eye and ducked your head. “but it just didn’t go that way in the end. and london is lovely, the apartment is— lovely.”

“you ever been to scotland?” johnny asked. “the countryside is like nothin’ you’ve ever seen up there.”

kyle nodded. “we’ve lived on the edge of falkland for a few years now; feels like the middle of nowhere sometimes. doesn’t get much better, i haven’t missed the city for years.”

“one of the best decisions we ever made,” johnny agreed, leaning over to kiss gaz softly.

you sighed wistfully.

“don’t think the hills would agree with my dear wife, but maybe we’ll take a trip up there some time,” elliot said unconvincingly. you swallowed thickly at his thinly veiled dig.

“when you’re not so busy, yeah?” kyle said staring your husband down.

elliot’s lips thinned. “yeah.”

“so how’re you finding france so far?” johnny asked. “enjoying yer stay?”

elliot sniffed. “could be better. from how this one went on about the place i was expecting a hell of a lot more,” he said snidely, gesturing to you flippantly. “i’d have picked bali personally.”

your shoulders hunched even as you felt indignation and anger burn the back of your throat. it wasn’t your fault elliot wasn’t taking advantage of the holiday, the lush area and the activities that promised to be unforgettable if given the chance. you knew you’d remember going in the sea with johnny for years to come, but you doubted you’d remember the boring dinners you’d been having with elliot in a month’s time, or at least not so fondly.

“think i’d have put the trip off for longer if i knew what this place was going to be like,” elliot laughed. “in fact—“

“why don’t you shut the fuck up fer once and let yer pretty wife speak, eh?” johnny cut him off with a sarcastic smile.

elliot was shocked into silence and you found yourself stuttering as kyle and johnny focused on you.

“what do you do when you’re not on a late honeymoon, love?” kyle asked.

“uhm, i don’t actually work currently,” you admitted sheepishly, your eyes darted to your husband as he grew redder in the face. “elliot makes enough to cover us financially and finding something in london was harder than expected after i had to suddenly quit my previous job when we moved.”

kyle and johnny cooed sympathetically.

“i’ve picked up painting recently though, which has been different. not necessarily any good at it, but i like it,” you said.

“an artist? yer after my heart, hen. i sketch a little myself,” johnny said. “now ye’ll have to come visit us just so you can paint the views.”

kyle was quick to pull out his phone to share some photos. he stopped on one of johnny on the top of a steep, grassy hill; his arms thrown up the air, backpack on the ground next to him and a wide grin stretched across his face, his mohawk a little longer than it was now and a mess in the wind.

“wow, it’s gorgeous there,” you gushed, trying not to focus on johnny’s strong stance highlighted by the rising sun behind him.

“that’s the view just behind our house,” kyle grinned. “forty minute hike to get there, at most.”

you gawped. “no way.”

johnny nodded.

“think you’re maybe overestimating her painting skills there, boys,” elliot snickered as he looked at the photo. “if you saw what she’s done so far you’d realise it’s definitely just a new hobby.”

“show us,” kyle suggested kindly, not bothering to look at elliot.

you hesitated before reaching for your bag and pulling out your phone. you handed it over with a shy smile.

“oi, these are good, bonnie,” johnny said immediately, stood looking over kyle’s shoulder. his brow was pulled into a frown as he concentrated.

“i’d buy ‘em,” kyle added, looking up at you to smile.

“ha! right, yeah,” you laughed, thinking he was teasing. you put down your beer and took your phone back, dropping it into your bag. you leant in to kiss elliot’s cheek and stood. “who’s going to join me in the water? elliot?”

“i don’t think so, darling. maybe another time,” he said.

“i will.” kyle stood. “did johnny show you how to dive off the front?”

your eyes widened in excitement as you shook your head and followed him, waving at the captain sat at the helm of the small boat as you passed.

johnny watched the pair of you go before turning to glare at elliot silently, not breaking eye contact even as your husband frowned and shifted uneasily, eventually looking down at his phone to avoid johnny’s unwavering, cold gaze.

---

“i don’t like them,” elliot said once you were back in your hotel that evening.

“who? johnny and kyle?”

“who else?” elliot scoffed. “they’re too familiar with you, they— they fawn over you. flirt relentlessly, in front of me—“

“oh come on,” you laughed, unable to stop yourself even as elliot grew angrier at your casual dismissal. “they’re married, don’t be bloody daft.”

“don’t call me stupid.” elliot warned.

“i’m not, i just—“

“whether they’re actually interested in you or not isn’t the point,” elliot seethed. “they’re doing it to wind me up. to get away with humiliating me and you encourage them.”

“i— what? we were just having fun,” you said.

“oh i know, i saw how you clung to them in the water when you thought i wasn’t looking. fucking slut.”

you gaped at elliot, taken aback by his harsh words and sharp tone. you took in a deep breath and tried to level your own voice.

“they’re just friendly.” you bit your cheek. “if anything, you’re just jealous i’m getting more attention than you for once.”

“what was that?” elliot whipped around to face you and you felt your blood run cold even before he took a step towards you. he gripped you roughly by the back of your neck and tugged you forward so his lips rested at your temple and you followed limply, keeping your hands by your sides. “you better not play up tomorrow, darling. whatever they offer, we’re busy. this our honeymoon, not a fucking jolly for you to try and meet other men.”

you seethed in his hold, furious at his accusations and the irony of his ill-placed jealousy. but all the same you nodded gently. “ok, elliot.”

“good.” he kissed your round cheek with a loud, sarcastic smack before turning towards the bathroom. he shed his clothes as he walked, leaving them in a trail you knew he expected you to pick up and closed the door behind him, leaving you stood motionless in the centre of the hotel room.

---

you dodged johnny’s bright grin and kyle’s sweet invites to hang out over the last week of your holiday with a pained grimace.

after the first few mornings of suddenly stilted conversation over breakfast, they stopped joining you and elliot and you were happy they were able to continue enjoying their honeymoon even if you weren’t.

elliot didn’t say in so many words, but he didn’t trust you not to gallivant off if left alone like before, so you were stuck waiting in the admittedly lavish hotel room on the days elliot got pulled back into work over the phone and on his laptop. too important to leave until later, he’d said. but he’d promised each time to take you out for a dinner that had continued to be forgotten about.

with only a few days left you were stuck waiting by the road, the little moped you’d rented for the day parked and so far unused while elliot nipped back up to the hotel to grab his sunglasses. it’d been twenty minutes already and part of you wondered if he’d gotten lost. you wished he’d left the keys with you instead of pocketing them so you could keep yourself entertained with a quick ride around the block, get used to the feel of the bike before joining onto the main road.

a squeaky horn, two beeps in quick succession, had you flinching from your moody thoughts and looking up as kyle and johnny pulled to a stop in front of you.

“long time no see, love,” kyle said. he nodded down at the bike with a grin. “where you off to?”

“and can we join?” johnny asked with a waggle of his eyebrows.

you snorted. “nowhere. not until elliot comes back at least.” you shrugged. “he’s got the keys,” you explained.

“how about we take you for a quick ride then,” johnny offered and kyle immediately started getting off from behind him.

“no, no i couldn’t. thank you. elliot will be back any second, im sure,” you said quickly, worried elliot would grow mad if he saw you sat behind johnny on the bike.

“ok, love,” kyle placated. “how about we swap numbers then, in case we don’t get to see you before your trip is up? i want to see more of your paintings.”

“we’re off home in about two days or so, figured yours would be about the same,” johnny said.

“what about email?” you suggested instead. your couples therapist had suggested regularly reading each others texts to try and gain back trust between the pair of you. the irony that it was now you trying to hide a conversation in your phone wasn’t lost on you, but you knew elliot wouldn’t want you talking to them after this trip. “i can get pretty chatty in a text, so email might be better,” you lied flimsily.

“sure,” johnny nodded along, clearly not believing you. “whatever you’d like.”

“you can have john’s email,” kyle said with a smirk, the expression growing when the scot sighed and swatted at kyle’s thigh behind him.

you watched them with confused amusement until johnny read out his email.

soapysuds92@yahoo.com

“wow. that’s very myspace of you,” you laughed even as johnny rolled his eyes.

“soap’s an old nickname, you’ll probably hear me call him gaz sometimes too. old habits,” johnny explained.

“from the military?” you confirmed and they nodded.

“i say it when i want him to listen. gets him standing to attention when i call him soap,” kyle said teased.

“anything you do gets me standing to attention, handsome,” johnny said, sultry and playful.

“oh piss off,” kyle laughed as he pushed johnny’s face away, pretending to groan in disgust when johnny caught his wrist and messily kissed his palm. you felt your stomach clench at the brief sight of his tongue poking between kyle’s fingers, lapping at the webbing before he let him go.

his tongue there and gone again in a second. you’d almost think you’d imagined it if you didn’t see the spit glisten in the sun before kyle wiped it on his shorts.

you blinked to clear your head and turned away even as the thought of johnny’s mouth around kyle’s fingers replayed over and over in your head.

turning away meant you caught sight of elliot making his way back. it had your thoughts sobering and you looked back to the couple with an apologetic smile. “i’ll see you guys later hopefully, but if not i hope you enjoy the rest of your honeymoon guys.”

“ye trying to get rid o’ us?” johnny pouted, mischief clear in his eyes.

“no, but I know elliot will want to set off straight away so—“

“we know when we’re not wanted, love,” kyle sighed, winking at you to soften the words and let you know they weren’t offended, just pulling your pigtails. “take a hint, johnny, let’s go check out the beach.”

“aye aye, sir,” johnny saluted lazily before revving the moped back to life and waving at you over his shoulder.

“ready to go?” you jumped slightly at elliot’s voice behind you, you hadn’t realised he was so close already and when you turned around you could see he was tense.

“ready when you are,” you said and moved out of the way of the bike.

elliot didn’t mention johnny or kyle and you were thankful; the day had barely begun, you didn’t need an argument to ruin it already.

you swung your leg over the bike behind him and cuddled close, smiling when elliot rubbed a warm palm over your bare knee next to his thigh. today could be good if you just let it, you reminded yourself as elliot set off clumsily.

you lifted your head from his back once he’d managed to get the hang of controlling the moped a little better, becoming confident on the roads after a few minutes, but you wished you hadn’t.

his collar was rustling in the wind and had slipped loose around his shoulder, revealing a smudged lipstick mark previously hidden by his button up overshirt. you felt your breath hitch, unable to look away even as your eyes started to burn.

your gut clenched and rolled unpleasantly, like you could throw up any moment but your jaw was firmly clenched closed. your hands shook where they were holding elliot at the waist and you finally clenched your eyes closed.

with trembling lips, you held back a sob.

today could be good if you let it, you repeated. so let it.

---

you didn’t see kyle or johnny before you left and you didn’t mention what you saw to elliot either.

instead you went back to london, to the dreary rain and the empty flat and the weekly couples’ appointments.

you lied when your therapist asked how your honeymoon went. you grinned and turned to elliot with wide sparkling eyes and reach for his hand to hold between yours as you simpered, “simply perfect.”

but it wasn’t and elliot new it.

the breaking point was when johnny sent your throw-away email account a message one afternoon with a photo attached at the bottom. you grinned when it loaded on your laptop and you zoomed in to see your smiling face, then kyle’s, then johnnys.

it had been taken on the boat on your way back to the dock after a long day swimming and drinking and laughing. elliot had kept to himself for most of the trip unless spoken to, but after an hour you’d managed to ignore him well enough. it wasn’t until kyle pulled him up on your way back, slapped his phone into elliot’s hand and asked him to take a photo of the three of you with the water and island in the background that you remembered he was there.

“elliot, be a good lad and take the photo for us won’t ya?”

“why not ask the captain—“

“he’s done enough dealing with us fer the day, aye? oh— wait, did ye want tae be in it with us?”

“no. thank you.”

they’d thrown their arms around you, pushing and pulling you to their liking until you were stood by the edge of the boat, and smiled. your shoulders were sensitive where johnny’s arm laid over the top - sunburnt you thought at the time - and your hair was still wet from your last dip, but your smile was wide and glowing even as elliot had gritted his teeth.

despite his grumbles he’d done as asked and you’d been dying to see the photo ever since when johnny cooed, “aw, lovely photo to remember ya by.”

now you felt your cheeks heat as you saw how your swim shorts had rucked up high on your thighs, damp and clinging, showing off more skin than you’d realised. your swimsuit at least covered your stomach and cleavage well enough, though johnny’s hand on your shoulder held one of the thick strings of your suit where it had tied at the back of your neck. he was in the middle of playing with it, tugging it so it was taut but not enough to loosen the bow. you don’t remember feeling him pull at the string holding your suit up over your breasts, though you were distracted by the tight hold gaz had on your waist, the handful he’d grabbed as he knocked your hips together.

god no wonder elliot had gotten mad that evening. if you hadn’t known the two were married, you’d have assumed they were trying to get between your legs by this photo alone.

you read the message johnny had sent along with it.

missin you and yer sweet laugh, bonnie!

forgot to send the photo earlier, i think the three of us look well fit, we’ll have to go swimming gain sometime. gaz suggested leucate plage if yer still in love wih france, but im sure there’s a few different au naturel beaches we could try ;)

you sputtered a laugh at that, scoffing at the idea of going to a nude beach especially with those two. bloody hell, elliot would have a fit, you thought gleefully.

but for now we thought you could come visit us like we’d said before? the countryside could be good for you and the ol’ ball n chain. we’d be happy t have ye both for the week, we’ve got the room. just let us know, yeah?

yer handsome pal,

johnny

you shook your head at his theatrics. emailing johnny felt like having a slightly unhinged penpal and reading his emails never failed to brighten up your day, you could hear him in the way he typed. you also loved when you assumed gaz would steal the phone to use his account to talk to you, the lack of scots and shorthand was always a dead giveaway between the two.

you bit your lip and found some of the photos he’d sent previously of their home and garden. it was gorgeous simply put and although the anxiety of admitting to elliot that you’d kept in contact with them had your palms sweating, the deep urge to go visit them ultimately won out.

you bit the bullet over dinner that same night. steak, specially made to soften elliot’s mood.

not that it helped much.

“what?” he dropped his cutlery and pushed back from his seat, needing distance from you as he processed you’d been lying to him. “why would you do that?”

you didn’t have an answer. or not one that elliot would like, so you felt yourself begin to shrug before you thought back to your last session.

“our therapist said it could be good for the relationship if i made some friends separate to yours,” you said.

“she also said you needed to focus trying more with my friends,” elliot reminded.

“but your friends aren’t offering to stay with us for a week in the highlands, elliot. if they were then i’d be all for it!”

“so if i tell my friends that we’ll spend christmas at the ski lodge with them this year, you won’t whine about wanting to be at home together, this time,” he challenged.

you swallowed. he knew you hated skiing and his bitchy judgmental rich friends. it wasn’t even as though it was his easy going friends that liked to go, it was the worst of the bunch that purposely left you out or talked down to you, made it impossible to try without embarrassing yourself.

but fine. you could deal with that this year if it meant your friendship with kyle and johnny was allowed to grow.

“sure,” you said with an obviously fake casual shrug. “so we can go?”

elliot huffed. you sprung out your next argument.

“our therapist also said it was important to let me take the lead a few times. in order to let me regai—“

“regain some power in the relationship, yeah, i know. i was there.” elliot nodded. he seemed to think it over. “this will help you trust me again?”

you reached across the table and held his hand, smiling at him hopefully when he looked back at you. you tried not to think of the lipstick stain in france, tried not to let the hurt cloud you eyes. “yes.” you stood and walked to stand by his chair, chest warming when he wrapped an arm around your waist. “the honeymoon felt forced,” you admitted, making sure to keep eye contact even as he stiffened. “we both felt it, you can admit it, i’m not mad. but this would be new and an adventure. like old times, elliot.”

he nodded a little less resignedly. “sure, old times. ok.”

you smiled, dipped down to kiss him deeply, rubbing his clean shaven cheek with your thumb.

“thank you. this will be fun, i promise. we’ll get to relax and just spend some time together, yeah? no pressure of what we should be doing as a couple or at work or— or—“

elliot softened as he looked at you stutter to find another reason. “yes, darling. it’ll be good.”

you stepped out of his grasp.

“i’ll let them know we can go, what date do you think would be best?”

---

“fucking hell, you had one job. look out for the stupid carved owl in the tree and that’s when we know to turn left,” elliot seethed as he drove, the sun growing dimmer by the minute. you’d spent the entire day driving up north using the directions, had set off that saturday morning in hopes that the traffic wouldn’t be as busy as midweek. “so where are we now? you insisted on following their directions instead of using the satnav, so where the hell does it mention this endless fucking shitty, unpaved road? eh?”

you hunched down in your seat next to him and reread the instructions from soap, hoping to find a clue as to where you were on the, admittedly adorable yet detailed, map he’d drawn. you’d found it endearing when you’d first saw it but now you were thinking it was more of a necessity.

elliot snatched your phone from your hand and split his focus between the dark road and your phone, scrolling erratically to find the directions in the email he wanted. your hand hovered between you, eager to take your phone back but hesitant to foul his mood further.

your eyes caught on movement on the road and you quickly gripped the wheel to swerve and avoid hitting a deer that had wandered out from the trees. “fuck, elliot, watch out!”

he slammed on the breaks and dropped your phone into your footwell as he automatically gripped the wheel to take over from you.

you both sat still, panting; anxiety and adrenaline pumping through your body as you tried to tell it and brain that you were fine, it could calm down, you were ok. you rubbed at your shoulder where your seatbelt had dug in.

elliot started up the car again, silent, and went slower down the road until the headlights caught on a misshapen tree. you squinted before pointing it out. “here, look. i think that’s the owl, go left.”

it only took a few minutes before you could see the lights from kyle and johnny’s farmhouse. the shape of their barn and surrounding smaller outbuildings stark against the natural curves of the hills and trees they were settled amongst.

“we’re here,” you said excitedly. “they said to pull around the side of the barn to the garage they have at the side. their house should be riiight there.” you grinned as you parked directly in front of it on the gravel next to their truck.

“great,” elliot said sarcastically. you didn’t mention his tone knowing that having to drive all day, several hours longer than you’d both expected, would have rankled anyone’s mood.

you climbed out without a word and got your bags out of the back of the car. when you rounded back to the front you found johnny and kyle walking to meet you already, their front door left open behind them.

“bonnie! ye made it,” johnny said as he jogged over to you excitedly. you let go of your suitcase as he pulled you into a hug as soon as you were close enough, scuffing his stubble against your neck in his excitement.

“down, boy,” kyle laughed, nudging johnny out of the way to give you his own hug. once he pulled back he nodded to elliot and smirked. “thought you’d maybe gotten lost, we were ready to start a search party.”

elliot bristled but johnny spoke up before he could defend himself.

“aye, but tea is still warm and ready to be served, an’ ahm fucking starving so let’s get inside yeah?” johnny slapped elliot’s shoulder before leading you all to the house. “done a big roasty fer the pair a’ye, so i hope yer hungry.”

the heat encompassed you as soon as you stepped inside, led through to the kitchen-stroke-dining room. the food smelled divine and the warmth accumulated from the oven and the fireplace had your shoulders relaxing instantly.

the house was far from modern with its mismatched old wooden chairs around the handmade table and the well-loved couch you could spot through in the next room, nothing like your lifeless flat in london. but the farmhouse was still stylish in its own way, in the colour of the cabinets, the throw on couch, the wallpaper leading up the stairs. though more importantly, it was homely. lived in.

“i can imagine the drive wasnae easy for first timers, so sit yerselves down and i’ll plate the food, gaz’ll get the wine,” johnny said.

you pulled out the chair next to elliot, leaving the two opposite you empty.

johnny clapped his hands as if to say voilà when he put down your heaped plates a minute later.

“this looks amazing, johnny, you cooked this?” you asked, eyes round and barely stopping yourself from digging in to be polite.

“have a great sous chef,” he said and patted kyle’s arse when he passed by with the wine. kyle smirked.

“how did you find the drive up, seriously?” kyle asked as he poured your drinks. he took a seat with johnny and gestured for you to start eating; now with permission, you didn’t hesitate.

“it was fine. might’ve been easier if we were given an address instead, satnav might’ve made it quicker,” elliot said as he pushed around some of the steamed vegetables on his plate.

“the views made taking our time worth it though, the valleys we passed were gorgeous,” you gushed. “i didn’t realise there were so many small lakes too.”

elliot sniffed irritably, but you didn’t notice. in fact you’d barely noticed how he played with his food more than ate it as you were too busy chatting and eating. you were going crazy for the hearty roast dinner, you could see in the colour and in the bursting taste of the veg just how fresh it all was; nothing like the store bought stuff you usually got at home.

you hadn’t had anything home cooked in so long that you hadn’t made yourself, and when you told kyle and johnny so they both reared back as though slapped.

“oh love, you’re missing out, that’s not right. don’t worry we’ll take care of you while you’re here,” kyle promised.

elliot cleared his throat. “got any salt?”

johnny’s eyes flickered tersely from elliot to the roast beef he was poking on his plate and back up again. “sure. let me just grab it for ye.”

“cheers,” elliot smiled thinly.

“top up?” kyle asked and gestured to your wine glass. you nodded before turning to elliot, but he wasn’t looking your way so you held your glass out.

“thanks. god, after this and the long drive i think i’ll be ready for bed; sorry excuse for company on the first night,” you apologised.

“we’re just happy to have you here,” kyle assured you as johnny sat back down. your husband doused his food in salt before making a better dent in it, downing his wine quickly afterwards with a wince.

“yeah, i think it’ll be an early one for us tonight, won’t it, darling?” elliot said and started to stand, rudely pushing his unfinished plate away. “in fact, i think i’m pretty tired now.”

you looked down at the last few bites of your meal and the full glass of wine forlornly but stood alongside elliot.

“it really was a fantastic meal, thank you so much, johnny,” you said.

“anytime for you, hen,” he said. “here, let us show you to your room.”

“i’ll grab the dishes while you take them up, johnny. you cooked so i’ll clean,” kyle said, hooking a finger in johnny’s jeans to catch his attention when he stood up. you felt a sharp pang at their easy domesticity. sure they’d said they’d known each other, been together, for a decade, but it still ached that you and elliot where struggling so obviously in comparison despite your sixth anniversary nearing on the horizon.

you gave kyle a fragile smile as you followed johnny upstairs with your bags to your room for the week.

“i’ll leave you to it, see ye in the morning,” johnny said as you settled into your room.

“this is amazing,” you said with a small laugh, disbelief and joy mixing into something like hope as you started to get undressed. the view out of your bedroom looked over the front garden and you felt giddy at the idea of staying with your new friends for the next few days and exploring the area further.

“it’s… quaint,” elliot said.

you turned to him, your mouth pulled tight. “please don’t start.”

“what? it’s just… smaller than what we’re used to,” he said with a shrug, starting to laugh as he gestured at the room. “i mean look at this place, and the bed.”

“keep your voice down at least, elliot,” you hissed, eyes sharp on the closed door of your bedroom.

“darling, you know i get overheated easily, and by the looks of it we’re going to be pressed side by side all night. and i doubt they have a/c,” elliot huffed. he sat down on the bed and rolled his eyes when it squeaked. “oh, come on.”

“we could open the window,” you said stubbornly, ignoring elliot as he shifted to make the bed squeak again.

“and let in the smell of sheep shit? not your brightest idea,” he scoffed. “christ and never mind the bloody noise on top of that. good thing i brought my ear plugs or i’d never get any sleep.”

you bit your tongue when you thought of the constant traffic noises that flooded into your apartment at all times of the day and night, the light pollution that did its best to creep past your blackout curtains.

“i’m sure you’ll get used to it after the first couple of nights,” you said instead and moved to join him in bed. you reached for his hand and squeezed it, leaning in for a kiss, teasing your tongue at his lips for a split second before pulling back. “just… please be nice?”

he sighed.

“fine,” he conceded. “i was just expecting something a little nicer considering the price of the trip we met them on.”

you scowled at him and let go of his hand. “you’re being rude.”

you leant over to turn off your lamp and laid down facing away from him. neither of you noticed the shadows shift under your door, the light footsteps heading away from your room.

---

you woke up the next morning to find elliot already in the shower, you could hear the pipes from the bathroom next door and noticed his suitcase had been half unpacked.

you were grateful he’d let you sleep, you’d gone to bed frustrated and you didn’t want to carry it on this morning. it was a new day and you were eager to have fun.

you walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains. as you gazed out your eyes naturally drifted to johnny, stood near the barn you’d passed on your way in. he was small given the distance but you couldn’t help but stare as he rhythmically chopped logs into smaller, more manageable pieces.

he was sweating, the repetitive action of driving the axe up and then through the thick wood obviously tiring, and you felt water pool in your mouth as you looked on gormlessly.

the sleeves of his thick checked shirt were rolled up his forearms and part of you wished he’d decided to chop the wood in the driveway so you’d have a clearer view of his muscles at work. he wiped his face on his bicep and suddenly turned to the house, to your window.

you ducked away before he could catch you and started to get dressed out of the line of sight the windows may provide. with your face aflame and anxious butterflies rampant in your stomach, you needed to get your head on straight and decidedly not ogle your new friends.

with one last stern word to yourself you headed downstairs back to the kitchen and found gaz pottering around.

“ah morning, love. coffee?” he offered, holding out a cup. you took it gratefully with a small thank you and sat at the table again. there was a plate of toast in the middle, enough slices freshly made made for the four of you, and you reached forward for one. “i was thinking me and soap could show you a hiking trail nearby, make a day of it.”

“the one you showed me on your phone?” you asked, nodding enthusiastically regardless of his answer.

“this one’s even better,” gaz said, smiling fondly. “just might take longer.”

“coffee? thank you, darling,” elliot mumbled as he swiped your coffee from your hands without asking and distracting you from answering gaz. you’d barely had a sip before elliot was finishing the drink off in one go. “mm, bit too milky for my liking,” he told you and sucked his teeth.

“probably because it wasn’t for you,” kyle said flatly. “we’re going on a hike today, care to join or has work called you in already?”

“i’d love a hike,” elliot said brightly. johnny walked in through the front door as elliot continued to talk about the hikes he’d been on before, heading to the sink to wash his hands and leaning up to kiss kyle as he passed. “work can wait for the great outdoors. my wife here knows how much i love going on— on uh, on hikes and finding new trails and mapping them out.” elliot stumbled over his words for a second, taken back by the kiss.

johnny’s shoulders shook with a silent laugh and he turned and winked at you as he opened up a cupboard door that hid his face from your husband.

“oh, so you two go together?” kyle asked.

“no, no,” elliot laughed like the thought was ridiculous. “i go with my mates. not really her thing.”

you pursed your lips; you hated it when elliot answered for you, especially when he was wrong. which was often. instead of fussing though, you focused your ire on another slice of toast from the centre of the table.

“right.” kyle stood from his chair and went to lean next to johnny on one of the kitchen counters. “we’ll pack a bag full of snacks and drinks and then we can be off. give us fifteen minutes?”

you nodded, thankful for the excuse to leave elliot at the table, and went to grab your walking boots before coming back to wait with elliot near the door.

“quicker to get there from the back,” johnny said and led you through the rest of the downstairs out into the back garden.

it looked like it could spread for acres if not for the looming trees of the forest fencing it in.

to the left was their chicken coop and a small locked shed. if you turned around you’d see your cars parked, the garage and then the barn further up.

the chicken coop was on solid muddy ground, closer to the gravel front, whereas the shed was further up on the flat grassy area that began to rise into a small hill further back and closer to the trees; there was a small iron table sat with four chairs closer to the house and you couldn’t wait to use it, imagining sitting out there for lunch or breakfast.

to your right you took in their allotment, the large raised beds full of blooming vegetables; tall beans climbing the trellis arches from one side to another. you saw noticed the glint of a greenhouse hidden behind it all. everything was encouraged to grow to its fullest and you bet the food they’d served the night before had been grown by their very own hands.

“we’ve got strawberries if ye’d like tae pick some over the next few days,” johnny said as he walked you down to the end of the garden, catching the way your eyes were glued to the allotment.

“i’d love that, i haven’t been strawberry picking since i was little,” you said.

johnny nodded. “settled then.”

---

the hike wasn’t difficult, but living down south in a very flat city hadn’t built up your cardio for the steep hills and climbs at all.

“this is a good place to stop for lunch,” johnny said, apropos to nothing.

he squeezed your arm as he wandered off the path towards the edge of the hill. you were halfway there to the top, but already you were loving the views.

“knee bothering you, johnny?” kyle asked as he pulled out a rainproof sheet from his bag and started placing the food out in the tupperware boxes.

“something like that,” he said.

you laughed when you saw johnny pull out a bottle of wine from his.

“just tryin’ tae make use of all the wine we bought on holiday, hen,” he snickered.

you sat down and helped them spread the food out while your husband paced from the ledge to the path and then to the blanket, only to start again.

“have a seat elliot,” you said encouragingly, patting the space you’d left purposely empty next to you.

he slumped down with a huff and kyle side-eyed him.

“how was your night? sleep well?”

“hope the room wasnae too small,” johnny added, biting into a cheese cracker as he looked to your husband.

you felt your stomach drop and your face heat up. “no, not at all—“

“i think i’m just used to the finer things,” elliot said, picking up one of the packed travel cups pointedly and pouring himself some wine.

“we slept fine,” you said firmly as you frowned at elliot. “it’s perfect.”

“ah, we’re just joking around, hen, no need to fash,” johnny teased. “you pack yer paints?”

“shit.” your face dropped as you looked at him. “i completely forgot when i was packing, i was too excited.”

johnny grinned. “you can borrow mine, it’s alright.”

“if they’re not dried up that is,” kyle said with a laugh. “i’ve not seen you touch paints in years, johnny.”

“they’re water paints, gaz, they’re meant tae be dry,” johnny said with a roll of his eyes. he looked to you and covered the side of his mouth. “yer a breath o’fresh air, ye have no idea. i love him but he doesnae have the eye fer it, you know?”

“im right bloody here,” kyle said exasperatedly, making you laugh.

“fucking hell,” your husband muttered under his breath before standing. “i think i’m gonna go ahead and have a look at the trail, get a lay of the land. i’ll turn around in ten and meet you back here.”

“are you sure?” you asked at the same time johnny warned him, “don’t go off the path.”

“why not?” elliot asked, taking it as a challenge despite johnny’s grave tone.

“go straight so you don’t get lost,” johnny repeated seriously. “it’s a tricky place, these woods. one wrong turn and you’ll ne’er be found.”

elliot stayed silent for a moment, left off kilter by johnny’s intense eyes, before laughing, waving him of with a scoff. “sure thing, johnny.”

you watch your husband walk off with an uneasy feeling before kyle and johnny’s easy going nature distracted you once more.

before you knew it it’d been twenty minutes, but you were too busy talking about how they’d ended up moving out so far away from their original shared home, that you hadn’t noticed elliot wasn’t back yet.

“it’s great here, but it can feel… lonely sometimes, just the two of us,” johnny admitted as he looked to kyle. the handsome man nodded and knocked their knees together.

“i know how that feels,” you said, three cups of wine having loosened your lips.

“yeah?” kyle asked softly, tilting his head to meet your downcast eyes.

you opened and closed your mouth a few times before taking a deep breath.

“i want a baby,” you said weakly, sadly. you were quiet as though hoping not to be overheard. “elliot doesn’t think it’s the right time, but im starting to doubt it’d ever be the right time if it were up to him.”

you blink at the anger that had seeped into your last words and gasped as you realised that you’d actually finally said them out loud. not even your therapist had gotten you to admit this.

“oh god, please forget i said that,” you begged them suddenly, wide eyed and pleading. “please. don’t say anything to elliot about it. i— i think i’ve just drank a little too much,” you tried to excuse yourself.

“hey, it’s ok,” johnny said with a concerned frown.

“i didn’t mean it,” you rushed out.

kyle moved to elliot’s previous spot and pulled you in for a warm hug, calming you down.

“it’s normal to want things and to be disappointed when the person that promised you them can’t deliver,” he whispered. you sniffled and slowly wrapped your arms back around him with a nod, tears building behind yojr closed eyelids. you slumped into his hold further when johnny’s large hand rubbed soothingly across your back below kyle’s arms.

it was nice. simply being between them and being comforted by them was nice.

you leaned back and wiped at your eyes with a sniffly laugh.

“thank you, guys, i— thank you.”

gaz squeezed your shoulder for a moment before finally letting you go.

you felt fidgety, needing to do something with your hands and to keep them from staring at your red rimmed eyed, so you reached for a handful of grapes when it suddenly occurred to you that elliot wasn’t back. you looked at your watch and swore.

“elliot’s not here yet, shit what if he’s lost?”

“he won’t be,” johnny reassured you, standing alongside you and grabbing your shoulders. “he’s an experienced hiker, right? he probably lost track a’time like we did.”

“let’s get this packed away and we’ll go catch up to him,” kyle suggested. you nodded, easily calmed once given easy orders to occupy your busy mind

---

“elliot?” you called out as you walked, johnny and kyle on either side of you, looking out into the trees in case he’d gone off track. “you there? elliot?”

“stop shouting, christ, i’m here,” elliot complained further up the trail. he was slouched against a tree. “took you all long enough.”

“oh my god, what happened,” you said as you crouched next to him, looking at the sorry swollen state of his ankle.

“twisted it looks like, worst-case it could be a sprain,” kyle said from over your shoulder. “should be fine, we can get home with him leaning on our shoulders, right, soap?”

johnny tutted in disappointment as he stared down the path instead of at your injured husband.

“the waterfall was only five minutes away as well,” johnny said to no one in particular. he crouched next to elliot. “c’mon then, let’s get you back.”

your husband bristled. he looked longingly down the trail johnny had gestured to just a moment before.

“we should still go, i’ll be fine,” he insisted. “we should go to the waterfall.”

gaz raised his eyebrows incredulously as he helped elliot stand, but he stayed silent.

“you want to lean on me or johnny?” he asked.

“whoever gets us there quicker,” elliot said, face pinched.

kyle rolled his eyes and set off walking, leaving elliot to wince until he matched kyle’s stride. luckily the walk wasn’t long before the four of you cut off the trail and found yourselves stood at the bottom of the waterfall, a light mist of water splashing at your bare skin from where you stood.

“holy shit.”

johnny nudged your shoulders together with a laugh.

“impressive, right?”

“to say the least,” you huffed.

kyle had helped elliot sit down by the edge of the plunge pool with his leg stretched out as you’d taken in the view with johnny, though you soon took a seat next to elliot when you noticed he was situated as comfortable as could be. you pulled off your shoes and socks and shuffled forwards a little to dip your feet in the water, kicking lightly and grinning even with how the cold bit at your toes.

elliot stayed stern faced even as he looked at the impressive feature, but kyle and johnny took no notice.

they started to undress, throwing their clothes down haphazardly by their bags.

“you coming in?” kyle asked you cheekily.

“we go in every time we’re here, tradition now,” johnny explained once he was stood in his underwear.

“i don’t have my swimsuit,” you said hesitantly.

“jus’ go in yer kegs like us,” johnny dismissed the worry.

“it’s probably for the best she’s said no,” elliot said meanly, one eyebrow raised as he looked over your relaxed form, your stomach rolls obvious and plush under the afternoon sun and your thighs spread thick where they pressed against the edge of the natural pool. you suddenly felt the need to layer up in your baggiest clothes. “she’s happy enough sat with me. isn’t that right, darling?”

you felt embarrassment, hot and sharp, flood from your face to your toes as you stared at him. this was your husband. a man that took delight in belittling you.

“oi,” johnny warned from where he stood waist deep in the water.

you ignored them both and stood suddenly, shucking off your clothes with tight angry movements, a smile only eventually pulling at your lips when kyle wolf whistled playfully.

johnny joined in jeering and clapped as you stepped carefully closer to the edge before jumping in. once you resurfaced, you resolutely faced away from the scowl you knew would be on your husband’s face. you were past caring.

the cold of the water had you sucking in thinner breaths until you acclimatised, and you were grateful it was deep enough to brush your collarbones as you could tell your nipples were babbling from the chill.

“be careful, love, there are fish in here,” gaz said as he drifted closer to your front. his smile was bordering on mischievous but it eased your slight reservations of being in the water. “but don’t worry they don’t bite.”

you felt a sudden pinch on your buttcheek and you squealed before johnny’s laugh and warm chest at your back registered. you flushed hot and dug your elbow back into his ribs as they laughed, both barely giving you space to float alone.

they guided you closer to the waterfall with easy going smiles and it wasn’t until you felt their capable hands on your hips and tummy to keep you from being dragged under as you held your hands under the heavy pour that you looked back guiltily at your husband. you pushed off and away from them but continued to swim a little while longer until elliot kicked up a fuss, bored.

“are we done now? it’s getting dark, we should be heading back,” he spoke up when it looked like the three of you weren’t tiring any time soon. “and then there’s dinner to think of.”

“you offering to cook, elliot?” kyle said as he climbed out of the water.

elliot scoffed. “not likely. with the ankle and all,” he said patronisingly.

gaz smiled thinly. “of course.”

the three of you dried off as best you could before dressing and heading back to the farmhouse with elliot leant between johnny and kyle.

even as your clothes chafed against your damp skin, you couldn’t bring yourself to regret swimming. thought the cold was biting even through your coat, and a warm shower was calling for you back at the farmhouse.

---

once you were back you showered quickly and then ran a bath for elliot. you helped ease him in so he didn’t slip and further injure himself.

“put on a real fucking show today,” he grumbled once he was laid back. you cupped the water over his hair carefully.

“what do you mean?” you grabbed the shampoo and began lathering it.

“don’t play dumb,” he hissed. “acting like that, like a whore, with them. again.”

“i wasn’t—“

“you’re a fucking hypocrite,” he said harshly. “punishing me for one little mistake but now you get to act like this with other men?”

you let your hands hang over the edge of the tub in shock. “you cheated on me. more than once, elliot. that’s not a little mistake.”

“we’re past this,” he said tiredly with a shake of his head, rubbing his hand over his forehead to wipe away the dripping shampoo.

“then why did you bring it up?”

he turned to look at you, disgust clear on his face.

“you’re ugly when you get like this,” he said simply. “leave me to it, i’ll call you in when i need a hand getting out.”

your lip trembled as you stood and went back to your room. as you closed the door behind you, you heard elliot mutter to himself, “he’s an absolute idiot thinking this was only a twisted ankle, clearly not a doctor. the swelling has hardly gone down.”

you didn’t react, heading to the room next door with watery eyes. as you were tidying up your clothes, sniffling back angry and hurt tears, there was a knock on the doorframe. your turned to see johnny with a plate in his hand.

“thought i’d make things easier and bring his tea up fer him,” he said and put it on the bedside table. “do you want me to bring up yours too or will you be joining us?”

“oh, i’m not hungry, thank you johnny,” you said with a watery smile. the food looked delicious but elliot’s words had soured your appetite. “i think i’m just going to go to bed as soon as elliot’s alright.”

“ye sure?”

“mhm.” you nodded.

johnny nodded, said a soft, “let me know if ye change your mind.” he pulled out a pack of pain tablets from his pocket with a little wave and dropped them on the bed and then left.

you waited for elliot’s shout before you went to help him out of the bath and back through to your room. you left him to dry and dress himself and once he was sat on the bed with his food, you turned your back to him and willed yourself to fall asleep quickly.

part two

want to email johnny? click here!

[saint-petah-the-good]

my biggest fear is being closed in a room with all of my fictional crushes

[itneedsmoregays]

For anyone who doesn't have Netflix, here's the full Sing: Thriller short!

[theperfectquestion]

TWENTY YEARS TO MIDNIGHT

The Venture Brothers starts out as a show that makes fun of the past, but lasted long enough to be one that truly understands it.

So I rewatched The Venture Brothers in one big splurge over the course of two weeks, from Turtle Bay to Baboon Heart.

One of the most charming things about the show is a product of its lengthy creation process and the fact that it was written almost entirely by just two people. The story nearly has a tight continuity, so if you take it at its word then all the events of the story take place over a period of two and a half years, while the actual show was made over a period of twenty years.

The outcome of this curious time dilation is that we follow the Venture Brothers, Hank and Dean, through those difficult years between 16 and 18, but we also follow the writers, Jackson Publick and Doc Hammer, through the difficult years between their twenties and their forties. The show begins irreverent, contrarian and cruel and changes, cell by cell, into something wiser and more profound.

The treatment of Rusty Venture, former boy adventurer and long-suffering heir to the poisonous Venture legacy, is a fascinating thread to follow. In the very first episode he steals his son's kidneys like a ghoul, and his various addictions and neuroses are firmly treated as quirky objects of pity. I don't know much about the personal lives of the writers, but I imagine a certain amount of tragedy would have found them over the course of twenty years. A certain empathy for Rusty's position kicks in around the second season and develops strongly throughout the years. By the time the writers have reached the age that Rusty is when he is introduced, there are delicate attempts to reach out to the poor man, to understand and maybe counteract some of his own personal tragedy, though careful not to smother the comedy that such a character brings to the table.

But the thread I enjoyed following the most was that trailing behind Action Johnny. If you have ever heard of The Venture Brothers, you already know that the show began as a parody and deconstruction of the 1960s Hanna Barbara cartoon Jonny Quest, which was itself an attempted relaunch of the Edisonade craze of the 1910s, riding on the coattails of the far more successful and popular Tintin and Uncle Scrooge comics.

Jonny Quest was the son of a world famous scientist and adventurer, Doctor Quest, who led an extraordinary jet setting life where he accompanied his father to exotic places to experience exciting, often racist, science-themed thrills instead of going to school. He was watched over by his lantern-jawed bodyguard, Race Bannon, and joined with his adopted brother, Hadji.

The Venture Brothers stole this set-up entirely, and Rusty's backstory is a carbon copy of Jonny's. We are first told that this is something more than a swipe early on in the first season of The Venture Brothers when Race Bannon appears, as himself, as a secret agent belonging to the same organisation as the Venture family bodyguard, Brock Samson. It's a clever shorthand for saying that boy adventurers are not singular in this world, they are a type, one which occupies a distinct social strata along with their bodyguards, enemies and other supporting cast members.

The way that we are told this fact, in the seventh episode of the first season, is peak 2004 adult swim: beloved cartoon character Rave Bannon drops out of the sky, lands in front of one of our characters, dies, then shits himself. This was vaguely subversive at the time, but twenty years of Robot Chicken and the like have rendered it a tired, hoary gag. Venture Brothers itself has proved that this moment is at least a wasted opportunity. There was undoubtedly more comedy and interest to be mined from having Race Bannon around as an older counterpart to Brock Samson. But there was fun to be had with squandering opportunities and biting the hand that feeds for writers in their twenties in 2004.

When Jonny Quest himself appears in 2006's season two episode, Twenty Years to Midnight, things aren't much different. Jonny is found haunting the bathyscaphe from the cartoon, injecting heroin, waving an antique pistol and ranting about his father. He has a teardrop tattoo and missing teeth. He is discovered by Rusty's brother, the overachieving but naïve Jonas Junior. It's a much better gag in execution than the Race Bannon one, despite being essentially the same beat, but there is some pathos thanks to Brendan Small's delivery. Jonny is left alive, unlike Race, but the capper to this scene is somehow more humilating and tragic than when Race's corpse shat himself: Jonny is brought on side by Jonas Junior who, pressed for time and not as accustomed to being threatened and menaced as Rusty is, is unable to apply superscience to this situation and simply offers Jonny a supply of heroin.

The entertainment industry's relationship to its back catalogue of intellectual property has changed a lot in the last two decades. Characters like Jonny and Race were embarrassing curios in Ted Turner's garage in 2006. Why not dust them off and kill them in a cartoon to make college kids giggle? Why not give them a crippling drug habit and have them collapse to their knees, bellowing, "I'm in real pain!" But within ten years the media behemoths realised they could spin their old straw into gold, and instead of selling sheink rays at a yard sale, so to speak, they were putting the Flintstones in ads for Halifax bank.

So the Venture Brothers show renamed their tragic, adult Jonny Quest to 'Action Johnny' and in doing so was forced to consider him as a character rather than a skit. And the colossal strength at the heart of the Venture Brothers is in taking ridiculous things like boy adventurers seriously. Jonny Quest was allowed to become a valuable (?) piece of IP, forever a child, forever innocent and marketable, while Action Johnny could live his life unfettered by the parent company's fears.

Action Johnny appears two years later in Season 3, sober but shaky, doing a favour to Rusty by running a seminar for his ill-fated summer camp. He undercuts the spirit of the event by warning the children of the long term effects of adventures on the psyche and unravels into rants about his father. It's a solid bit by itself, especially when contrasted with a neighbouring table from the Pirate Captain (who, despite being an important recurring character, the show refuses to give a name) about the joys of being part of the 'rubber mask set.' Though the world of the Venture Brothers is nominally organised through a bureaucracy of licenced 'protagonists' and 'antagonists,' the biggest tension on screen is between the characters who chose the life, like the Pirate Captain, and those who had the life forced upon them, like Action Johnny. It just so happens that the former tend to end up as tortured, resentful good guys and the latter wind up as joyful, carefree villains.

Bringing that point home in the same episode is the appearance of Doctor Z as the summer camp's headliner. Doctor Z is the final borrowed character Jonny Quest, and one who the writers clearly take the brightest shine to, probably because he has the funniest voice to imitate. Doctor Z also represents the goals of show's resplendent second half - having deconstructed the boy adventurer genre in the early seasons, the Venture Bros very carefully puts the pieces back together into something wholly new.

And so Doctor Zin, the generic yellow peril villain of Jonny Quest, becomes Doctor Z, the retired and contented former archfiend of the Venture Bros. Doctor Z is treated by the other characters as something like a national treasure, a beloved old star who made the game his own. The joke of Doctor Z is that he seems genuinely bemused that his lifetime of villainy seems to have had a lasting negative effect on people. When he appears at Rusty's summer camp, all theatre and terror, he is delighted to meet his old foe Action Johnny, while Johnny is thrown into a whirlwind of trauma at the sight of Z, one that will drag him down into further troubles.

Doctor Z will become more of a feature than Action Johnny over the following years as the show becomes more interested in its older cast members - the ones whose personalities shaped the world, and who have sunny memories of the days that were so painful to Rusty and Johnny. He is part of a larger rehabilitation arc on the meta level, where characters with reprehensible aspects to them are held up for the audience to inspect so that they may find some empathy with them. Sargent Hatred is the poster child of this era, who is a repentant paedophile who joins the main cast as the Venture Brothers' new bodyguard. He's a whole other topic, but Doctor Z has the same function as Hatred, but on a metatextual level. His ancestor, Doctor Zin, is a hideous racial stereotype of the sort that makes modern revivals of the adventure genre so unpalatable. In its first deconstructionist half, the Venture Brothers show would simply wave Doctor Z around as shock tactic - 'look how racist Jonny Quest was, and by extension the company that made it and, logically, its audience!' and then maybe give him a violent and undignified death to wash their hands of the whole matter. But the reconstructivist Venture Brothers show embraces Doctor Z, and takes him beyond his tawdry origins to become an integral part of its story.

In 2009, Action Johnny helps Rusty to articulate this in the episode 'Self-Medication' from Season 4. Johnny and Rusty are in the same therapy group for former boy adventurers, a premise that would later be stolen wholesale by the She-Hulk show. A trail of tenuous clues leads the group to Doctor Z's house in the middle of the night. Johnny forces a confrontation with Z, accusing him of murdering their therapist to perpetuate the spiral he has been in since he saw Z take the stage back at Rusty's day camp. Doctor Z immediately groks the situation and invites the former boy adventurers into his home for tea with his beloved wife, who proudly proclaims herself to be his beard. Doctor Z is proud of what he has done in life, and so has the ability to put the past behind him. Sat between Z and Johhny, who is unable to move on, Rusty realises that he has more in common with the antagonist in the room than the protagonist. Rusty has many such insights throughout the length of the show and they lead him to an interesting end point where he seizes the nettle and becomes a parental figure to the whole weird superscience community.

The final encounter between Action Johnny and Doctor Z takes place nine years (!) later in our timeline - 2018's 'The Terminus Mandate.' Doctor Z is retiring from active villany and, according to the ceremony-obsessed fraternity of organised supervillans, that means he must menace his archenemy one last time. Action Johnny's father is long gone, so Johnny inherits that dubious honour.

It's the first time that we see Doctor Z not being fully committed to the bit. Johnny is resident at a posh rehab clinic and Doctor Z is conflicted between genuinely wanting to see Johnny again but unsure of how to interact with him in a way that doesn't cause actual, lasting harm. Doctor Z even brings a prop from a Jonny Quest cartoon as a gift, in a sequence lovingly reanimated to translate Jonny Quest's vocabulary into the Venture Brothers' language. The sequence chosen is virulently racist, almost too racist to be believed: a mask of the god Anubis lands on top of Johnny's dog, and Doctor Z's Egyptian henchmen suddenly believe that the mask is a vengeful god come to punish them and so abandon the young Doctor, giving the advantage to Johnny's team. In the lobby of the rehab centre, in the late to evening, Doctor Z struggles to articulate why the Anubis mask means so much to him and Johnny cringes at the memory while enjoying the act of reminiscing. He offers to go and run and hide, so that Z can find him, and they both discover they are delighted by the idea.

It's a touching, uncomfortable and deeply weird scene that, to me, is the pinnacle of The Venture Brothers as a creative endeavour. Behind it is a group of people who have been mulling over the implications of Jonny Quest as a short-lived but impactful cultural phenomenon for most of their adult lives. They have been mining the absurdity, the legacy, the implications, the pathos and the bathos of those 26 half-hours of cartoon and found incredible treasures. It starts with finding a silly old thing in the attic that you want to ridicule and it ends, twenty years later, with you acknowledging the attachment one has formed to that silly old thing, and how it has informed your life, for better or worse, in ways you can't deny.

[kvailyang]

Mortal kombat Deception Sub Zero lore in a nutshell

[nardpup]

Sing: Thriller - MJ’s Thriller by The Sing Cast

YASSSSS! GET INTO IT!

[your-mommy-ems]

your book bf based on your month

oneself had legit nothing better to do with one's time so here we are 😭😭😭 (this is everyone i wanted to fit in last time but couldn't)

[kidcooperart]

My redesigns/reworks for the Kombat Kids because I love them and hate how they thrown away of their individuality after MKX (I also have problems with the color scheme of mkx so this is me changing it)

Under this read more with be more info about some story changes as well as more info on my Liutana kid!

Also quick acknowledge to Frost, she is still here and in the Lin Kuei alongside Jacqui, I just imagine Frost would still go down the path she does originally

[redamancy-and-daisies]

comfort cast

[historyandchill]

Johnny and Stonewall ,I want to draw my oc Johnny more often and like this idea popped in my head (I have a lot of ideas honestly for him)

[eclipseofthemoonsmood]

More edited Johnny images from the Thriller Special ( I'm doing my best ya'll but its hard to get clear pictures since he's moving so much )

( Edited and unedited )

[potter-solomons]

Spit in my mouth.

[drodysseyupdates]

via johnstamos on instagram: When Ryan Murphy calls… you jump on the ship. Catch my husbands, Cheyenne Jackson and Johnny Sibilly TONIGHT on Doctor Odyssey at 9/8c on ABC. Stream on Hulu.

| part 1/2

[blondiedae]

dry house, wet clothes (three)

𓍯𓂃𓂃𓂃 dry house, wet clothes, three

pairing. johnny suh x afab!reader x jeong jaehyun

genre. angst, fluff, eventual smut, slow burn (for jaehyun), friends to lovers (for johnny)

warnings. NEW (MILD) SMUT TAGS ADDED! swearing, mentions of drinking, kissing, groping, dry humping (kind of? basically) smut tags will be added when it applies. big miscommunication trope, it is what it is. it’s so much angst i’m so sorry

word count. 9,122

plot. the four of you have spent years building the world around you, your friendship, your weekends together hidden in jaehyun's loft. you, mark, johnny and jaehyun. shaking the foundation of that by being in love with your best friend, jaehyun, is a risk you've never been confident enough to take. but, johnny suh is confident and johnny suh has been known to shake the world around you.

other's mentioned. mark lee, dong sicheng (again. it’s always missing winwin hours, i fear), kim jungwoo, lee taeyong, nakamoto yuta, na jaemin, lee jeno, lee donghyuck (haechan)

author's note. it’s the halloween chapter! johnny is so corny, jaehyun is miserable. i promise (i hope) that you enjoy it! there is mention of y/n’s skin glowing in the moon, but i don’t literally mean she’s glowing in the dark - just the way moonlight plays off of the highlights in her skin. i hope that’s okay! the next chapter won’t be out until nov. 1st, mostly because it takes place on nov. 1st and that just makes sense to me.

taglist (open). @xiaojunsdino @yoursyuno

playlist. here !

“Is it helping?”

You closed the manuscript and pressed it against your chest, “We’re halfway through.”

Jaehyun leaned, arms crossed and back pressed against the piano across the room. He watched you; how your eyes followed the sky, the clouds sweeping across it to occasionally reveal stars. With you, from the moment Jaehyun met you, it had always been the sky, the stars, the sun and the moon. He’d watch you get lost, he'd listen to you tell him constellations until he had them memorized - their shape and every star sprinkled in them. Jaehyun was afraid he’d lose you to the sky, when he was young. He was scared you’d float away.

His mother had told him, in an effort to calm him, “We’ll tie rocks to her feet, so she’ll never float too far.”

He’d said, “No. I can do it. I can keep her on the ground.”

“And how long will you do that?”

“Always.”

And he did. The older he got, however, the more Jaehyun realized how much you needed to float away, sometimes. The stars found their home in your eyes, filling them with sparkles whenever you looked up. Everything from the way you spoke to the way you thought to the way you would breathe would change when you were floating above, lost in the sky. So, Jaehyun let you get lost, he let you float. He encouraged it; tracing your favorite constellations, pointing out clouds, noting the pops of color you adored in a sunset when you forgot to look up. He’d watch you float, watch your eyes light up, and hold you steady so you wouldn’t get too far; so he could ground you again when you needed him to.

He always would.

Jaehyun knew you would do the same for him. Always, always, always.

He stood up, feet gliding across the wood floors until he knelt down on the mattress next to you and crashed down, “Is that a yes, then?”

You turned your head to look at him, his hair was pushed back off his forehead and, for the first time in a while, you wished he’d cut it shorter. You had forgotten how good he looked, like this. Sighing, you shifted to face him entirely, Lee Haechan’s first novel between you, “Yeah, it’s helping.”

With a grin, Jaehyun picked up the block of sloppily bound pages. He flipped through the typed words and your scribbled annotations, humming, “You said he’s younger than Mark, right?”

“I think by a year. Why?”

“His view on…” Jaehyun paused, suddenly very aware of you with the stars in your eyes, looking at him. The word felt heavy in his throat, creeping up until it sat on his tongue, weighed it down and kept him from speaking. He let out a breath, “His perspective on love is mature.”

The way Jaehyun’s fingers slid down the pages made your skin tingle. You swallowed, “Do you think he’s too young to have experienced love the way he writes about it?”

“I think, if he’s pulling from experience, it’s probably his first love.” Jaehyun placed the manuscript back down, fingers dangerously close to brushing yours. You pulled your hand to your chest, busying idle fingers with the silver chain around your neck. He continued, “Did your first love make you feel like that?”

An exaggerated groan slipped from your lips and you rolled back onto your back, eyes up towards the stars, “I wish everyone would stop bringing him up.”

Jaehyun laughed, switching positions so he was now looking at you, head resting on his palm, “Who else brought up Sicheng?”

“Johnny…” You caught yourself. Your teeth latched onto your lip and acted like a barrier for whatever you were going to let slip. It was simple enough to say Johnny and leave it at that. But the question and his name and the way Jaehyun was looking at you reminded you that you were hiding something from him, “Johnny did.”

He tried his hardest to blink away his reaction. It was another moment when he didn’t need to know the details, but Jaehyun couldn’t keep himself from asking, cool and collected, “Oh yeah? When?”

You closed your eyes, counting seconds between breaths, “Uh, last Monday.”

“Last Monday?” Sunday night you all had gone to the movie. Sunday night Johnny confessed to you. Sunday night Jaehyun told you he’d support your decision and then Monday you and Johnny…you and Johnny. Jaehyun rolled to his back as well, “Monday after he…”

“Yeah.” Something inside you was itching to tell him everything; to tell Jaehyun and watch his reaction the way you did when you’d kissed the corner of his lips. You wanted to see how he shifted, if he shifted, and hope that he’d tell you that he felt something, too. The only thing that came out was half an explanation, “We saw another movie and it..it just came up, I guess.”

He nodded and hummed and tapped his fingers on his stomach. Jaehyun asked you, casually, like you had his support, “So you two have been hanging out?”

You nodded and sighed and played with your necklace, “A little, yeah.”

Then it was silent. There was no wind, no music, no bustling from the street below. There was just you and him and silence, looking up and staying still. Neither one of you moved or spoke for too long, unsure of what came next. What could follow a half confession that you might have accepted Johnny’s feelings. What came after Jaehyun offering you support he didn’t know if he could give. Eventually, you heard him swallow, gulp down the silence, and ask, “Did you ever feel that way about him?”

You could have choked, head snapping to Jaehyun, “About Johnny?”

“No.” His eyes were wide, staring back at you. His attempt to change the subject back was twisted and Jaehyun felt like he was going to scream, “About Sicheng. Did you ever feel the way your writer does about Sicheng?”

“Oh.” It was easier to collect yourself than you thought, “Oh. I…I don’t know. I think it was different.”

Jaehyun agreed, “Love is always different.”

“Maybe he’s not writing from experience.” You looked at the manuscript dividing you two, Jaehyun’s hand still resting next to it. You stared at the sheets of paper like they’d give you the answer outright. Eventually, they might, “Maybe that's how he wants love to feel?”

“Maybe.”

Another silence until you asked, “What time is it?”

“After midnight.”

You looked at him, “Why didn’t you stop me?”

Jaehyun was already looking at you when you turned. The loft was dimly lit; only a small lamp and the light of the waning moon. He didn’t look away when he told you, “I was enjoying it.”

You told him, “I should go so you can sleep.”

His hand had moved up, resting on the mattress between you. Jaehyun pulled yours from around your necklace, “Just stay.”

“You have to work in the morning.” It was a good enough reason. It was Monday night and, come Tuesday morning, Jaehyun did have to work. It was Monday night and, come Tuesday morning, you were spending the entire day with Johnny and hiding it from Jaehyun, “And I have plans in the morning.”

“I can drop you off at home in the morning. It’s not like it’s out of the way.” Jaehyun wasn’t budging, physically or metaphorically. He settled himself into the mattress and draped his free arm across his eyes, “Stay here. It’s too late and too cold to go home. And the skies are supposed to clear up around one.”

“Fine.” You sighed. “I’ll stay.”

Sitting up, you pulled your sweatshirt over your head, rubbing at your bare arms when the chill bit your skin. Jaehyun finally moved again, standing to turn off the lamp across the loft. He could see the outline of your body, your silhouette stretching into comfort and he tried not to gulp too loudly at the sight. The moon kissed your skin just as well as the sun, hugging to the shadows and making you glow in the darkness. Jaehyun took his sweatshirt off, as well, needing to feel your skin against his where he could.

The way his t-shirt clung to his body stopped your heart and you hoped he couldn’t see the way your mouth opened at the sight; grateful for the darkness. The two of you settled in, side by side, arms brushing against each other. Jaehyun slowly lifted his hand, fingertips brushing along your arm. His eyes focused up, a smile tugging at his lips, his heart pounding against his chest. He flexed his fingers, “Hand.”

You gave it to him, eyes watching the clouds cling to the night sky while they could. Jaehyun dropped your hands onto his stomach, fingers laced with yours, “Your hands are warm.”

“Yours are cold.” He looked at you, hoping his eyes captured the stars the way yours did. Hoping he could capture you the way you had captured him, “Come here.”

Your chest was rising and falling with every breath you took. Jaehyun watched as moonlight filled the parts of you normally shadowed; the dips in your collarbone, the slope of your neck to your shoulder hidden by your hair. Glowing beside him, beautiful beside him. Comfortable, safe and grounded beside him. The final moments before you’d float towards the sky in your sleep and Jaehyun would hold you steady; keep you close to the constellations with his soft patterns on your skin, all the while on Earth with him, wrapped in his arms. He’d hold you when you became restless and kiss your head to remind you he was there.

You rolled closer to him, Jaehyun rolled to his side. You pulled your hands, still molded together, up to rest by your cheek against his chest. Your other arm wrapped around his waist, his came to rest at the middle of your back. You could feel his heart beating on the back of your hand; a steady, strong, stable beat. Jaehyun could feel your breathing even out against his palm. It was always so much easier, falling asleep, when the two of you were intertwined like this. Just like this.

You whispered, “Goodnight, Jaehyun.”

He kissed the top of your head, “Goodnight.”

Then he got to tracing; Cassiopeia. On your shoulder blades, the small of your back, your shoulder, your arm. Jaehyun traced the home of the heart nebula into your skin, as gently as he could, hoping you’d feel it; the stars, the heart, his heart, the fire.

Your voice drawn out, worn from reading aloud, quiet against the skin of his hand by your lips. You kissed his knuckles and mumbled, “Cassiopeia.”

Then you were floating away, Jaehyun holding you near when he repeated, “Cassiopeia.”

📻

You woke up to the smell of coffee and citrus twisting around in the air and filling your nostrils. The sun was just barely up, pulling itself over the horizon like it was resisting the start of day, as well. Jaehyun wasn’t next to you, replaced by a mug of steaming coffee and a plate full of cut and peeled oranges. A note was leaning against the mug, Jaehyun’s handwriting scribbled on a clean white piece of paper; Come downstairs when you’re up.

So you did, popping an orange slice into your mouth, securing the plate and your phone and the mug in one hand, pulling the door open with the other. The morning chill only had a few seconds to bite at you, while you stepped down the outdoor staircase and around the corner of his house to the back door. Jaehyun was in the kitchen, half dressed for work and tapping away on his phone. To see him like this, to watch him so quietly get ready for his day, it always felt intimate. Like you were getting a glimpse into his future, the things his partner would see every day and it tugged on your heart to consider that it might not be you, anymore, who sees it.

The thought that, one day, you and Jaehyun wouldn’t fall asleep wrapped around each other like intertwining vines could absolutely break you, if you dwelled too long. Thinking of someone else standing across from him in the kitchen, securing his tie around his neck, sharing cups of coffee and knowing smiles every day could felt like something close to the end of the world.

So, you pushed the thought away and pulled at the sliding door, doing everything you could to smile and tell him, “Good morning.”

Jaehyun looked up, lips hinting at a smile at the sight of you. He’d spent most of his morning routine with his mind clouded by thoughts that, one day and maybe one day soon, he might not be able to wake up next to you as he did today. He battled those thoughts with the image and the memories of all the times he had woken up like that; just the two of you. The sight of you sleeping and your arms wrapped around him and how hard it was to pull himself from that. Jaehyun busied himself with bathing and getting dressed and making your coffee and his, together, just how you liked.

He moved as quietly as he could so he wouldn’t wake you, careful with you as he always was. Jaehyun was happy to see you awake, though; hood pulled up around your head, sipping on coffee and eating oranges at the counter across from him. He couldn’t picture anyone else in that spot, he didn’t want to.

Jaehyun put his phone down, flattening his palms on the marble of the island, “Good morning.”

You asked him, “What time do you need to leave?”

He looked at the clock on the stove and told you, “About twenty minutes.”

“Okay.” The two of you only looked at each other; unwavering eye contact and growing, growing, knowing smiles on your lips. As though to be here, simple and relaxed, for both of you, was everything. You finally blinked, “Do you want to start the next chapter, tonight?”

“Sure.” He rounded the counter, standing directly in front of you with his tie loose around his neck. He pulled the ends away from his chest and towards you, “Help?”

You took them, but you quipped, “What do you do when I’m not here?”

He grinned, teasing and his tone playful, “Tie it backwards in the mirror.”

Your fingers twisted the silk of his burgundy tie, wrapping it around itself and securing it like you always did. You buttoned up the last few buttons of his shirt, hands threatening to shake, eyes trained on the way Jaehyun swallowed. Then, you patted his chest, brushed invisible dust from his shoulders and said, “There.”

Jaehyun asked, “Look okay?”

“Looks good.” Your mouth was suddenly and desperately dry, taking him in; his tailored grey pants, his crisp white button down and the contrast of his tie. He was worlds away from how he normally looked, to you; a dressed up, dolled up version of your Jaehyun. Your Jaehyun. You nodded your head, swallowing for the sake of your throat and swallowing every thought that threatened to slip out, “You look really good.”

And because Jaehyun couldn’t convince himself not to, because the memory of you doing the same lingered on his mind, he leaned down and kissed the corner of your lips. The same spot you’d kissed on him, desperation of his own wanting to keep you here in this moment and in every moment with him. He lingered there as long as he could, straightening back up and saying, “Thank you. I’ve gotta get some paperwork together, then we’ll go.”

Your lips burned, every inch of you did, the way it always did when Jaehyun touched you, brushed against you, put his lips to your skin even in the most innocent way. It was hard to know if you were breathing, it was hard to think of anything else. Still, you spoke.

“Okay.” It came out like a whisper, “I’ll go get my stuff.”

“Okay.” He said, smiling like he did and like he always would. Smiling and heart pumping loudly. Smiling and burning on the inside, hands shaking. Smiling so he could convince himself you’d never catch on. He pointed to your plate and coffee, turning to walk down the hallway, “Finish your breakfast.”

And you nodded.

The things you needed for the day were packed into your tote, the manuscript laying perfectly at the center of the mattress. You came back down the stairs once more, turning right instead of left to pack yourself into Jaehyun’s car. He drove the two of you down the street, humming and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. You watched the same houses you always saw pass by, the morning sun tapping at their windows and the windows of Jaehyun’s car.

Another familiar feeling. Another routine. Something simple and comfortable and ordinary.

When Jaehyun pulled up to your house, you stopped thinking, stopped taking anything in, stopped moving, stopped breathing. Jaehyun did the same, white noise filling his ears. He didn’t want to know and you didn’t want to tell him. You fell asleep listening to his heartbeat. He woke up tangled in you and it took everything in him to pull away from that. You’d kissed the corner of his lips and he’d kissed yours.

And now Johnny was leaning against your gate, waving at the two of you. You didn’t look at Jaehyun, you didn’t know if he looked at you. But, you heard him, as quiet as he tried to be, say one word, “Plans.“

You couldn’t place the tone of it. Jaehyun didn’t know either. Somewhere, at a perfectly centered point between his mind that was bitter, maybe angry and not able to justify it, definitely jealous and his heart that was cracking and trying not to break, Jaehyun lost control of how exactly he wanted to say that. If he even wanted to say it, at all. He blinked, you said, “Yeah, um…yeah.”

“Mm.” Jaehyun didn’t want to ask and you didn’t want to tell him. He nodded, hands sliding around the steering wheel, an attempt at distraction. He didn’t know how, but Jaehyun brought himself to lift and hand and wave at Johnny. His friend, Johnny. His best friend, Johnny. He told you, a simple smile on his face, “Well, have fun.”

You finally looked at Jaehyun, away from Johnny who had busied himself on his phone. You felt caught and you couldn’t pinpoint by who, “Yeah. I’ll see you later, Jae.”

“Yeah.” He said, still smiling, “Later.”

You climbed out of the car then, standing just outside the closed door and looking at Johnny over the roof. Jaehyun and his black sedan parked between the two of you and the entire day you’d decided to spend together. Johnny smiled so you tried to do the same. From inside, Jaehyun waved at the two of you before he drove off, so the only thing between you and Johnny was the space Jaehyun had now left behind.

Johnny greeted, “Hey.”

So you said it back.

He studied your face for a moment, head tilted to the side, before Johnny asked you, “Are you alright?”

You nodded, pushing your hair away from your face. You were longing for one moment of silence between conflicting thoughts, wishing for the ability to quiet your own mind. Something in you was determined to enjoy your day with Johnny. What was left of you after that was lingering on the moments with Jaehyun in the morning and the fact that you’d go back to him tonight. If you tuned in to them long enough, you might throw up.

Johnny looked concerned, pushing himself away from the stone wall and out into the middle of the street in front of you. He pressed his hand to your forehead, eyes scanning any part of you he could see, “You feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Somewhere between the truth and a lie, a comfortable meeting ground for the two, “I just woke up, I still have to get ready.”

Johnny’s hands slid down your arms, slipping underneath them to rest on your hips. You couldn’t stop yourself from glancing down the street, even knowing Jaehyun was long gone. Ducking down, Johnny caught your attention again and smiled, telling you, “Go get cleaned up. I can wait.”

“Out here?”

He laughed, “Preferably not.”

“Okay, yeah. Come inside.” You pulled hands away from you, stepping towards the strip of pavement in front of your house. He followed, closely and with a silent laugh. After you’d opened the gate, you looked over your shoulder to say, “You really meant all day, huh?”

“I really did.” He waited a moment, listening to the sound of your keys jingling and unlocking your door before he asked, “Did you stay over at Jaehyun’s?”

You nodded, slipping your shoes off, watching Johnny follow and do the same, “Yeah. He’s helping me get through the book I’m editing.”

“Oh, nice.” It was so genuine, everything he said and did and thought, likely. Johnny took hold of your shoulders and turned you around, towards the stairs, “Go on, get ready. I’ll be down here, okay?”

“Okay.”

On the third step you turned back to look at him. Johnny had his hands in his pockets, standing in your foyer where he fit comfortably, looking up at you. His head tilted again, puppy-like and hair flopping to the side. After a moment of silence, with nothing but easily closed space between the two of you, Johnny moved. He took three steps to stand one step below you and he leaned closer, closer still until his lips were so close you could feel him breathing.

Johnny grinned, wolffish and ever-the-tease, then he swooped down to kiss your cheek. His lips lingered there for a moment before they brushed against your ear and he told you, “Go get ready.”

So, you did.

📻

October was ending, so was the week.

“Are you almost here?”

He told you, “Almost.”

“Honk when you’re here.” You fussed with your hair, flipping and twisting and pinning back strands that fell out of place, “Did you already pick up Jungwoo?”

“We’ll get him on the way.” You heard a faint honk from outside, then he told you, “I’m here.”

“I heard.” You laughed, taking the feathered white wings from where they’d been tucked under your arm and securing them onto your back by their satin straps. “Okay, I’m coming out.”

October was ending and you’d spent the last week of it falling asleep next to him, highlighter and ink pen smudged into your fingertips. He’d woken up with your fingerprints on his neck, his jaw, behind his ear, his chest and his arms. If he could hide them well enough, he’d leave them for the day, keeping a secret under his crisp button down. At least until he saw you again, that night.

And you’d wake up to texts from Johnny, asking if you were free or telling you good morning.

You’d wake up to notes from Jaehyun when he had to leave while you slept or fresh coffee next to the mattress.

You’d wake up to Johnny on your doorstep, bringing you breakfast.

You’d wake up to Jaehyun still snoring and the sun barely rising, tempting the loft with light. Traces of you illuminated on his skin.

And now October was ending; it was frigid, the chill pinching at the parts of your skin that were exposed as you stepped outside and locked up. You could hear a car door open, his footsteps on the pavement, the clack of your own heels coming after. Your dress was whipping around your calves in the breeze you were creating, hurrying down the path to get to him; to the warmth of car, the warmth of his him. He was leaning against the passenger side door when you finally looked up, staring at you intently with his hands deep in his pockets.

Halfway to him, you said, “Hey.”

And when the wind fluttered the wings, when it swept his breath away, Jaehyun smiled and said it back, “Hey.”

He looked like an absolute dream; suspenders secure on his shoulders, holding his loose white shirt in place while it, too, rustled.

Jaehyun was holding his breath, watching every step you took and counting the seconds until you were directly in front of him. He was in a trance, mind blank but for the image of you and he didn’t know how to shake himself free of that. You had stopped moving and he hadn’t moved an inch, the two of you taking each other in like you hadn’t woken up together. Finally, he spoke. The sound of a car passing urging him to make sound, any sound, of his own.

“You look…” He paused, swallowing and blinking slowly, like whatever Jaehyun was about to say had been lost in his mind. He stood up straight, “Like an angel.”

And you laughed, Jaehyun did as well, his dimples distracting you from saying anything back for only a moment. Slowly you nodded your head and wrapped your arms around yourself, “You look…what are you?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer, not directly, he only opened the passenger door and said, “Let’s go get Jungwoo.”

Without a word, you climbed into his car. The conversation changed, it drifted, it filled the car with a sound combating the hum of the radio until you were outside Jungwoo’s apartment. And when you saw Jungwoo stumbling over his own dress, the way his wig fell into his eyes while he tried to balance his phone and his keys and a half finished iced Americano, you laughed again. Turning to Jaehyun, you scrunched your nose up; his ears burned at the sight, “Jack and Rose, huh?”

Jaehyun nodded, hand secured on the gearshift between you. If he would reach six inches further, he could put his hand on your thigh. He thought about it, the way the fabric of your dress would feel, the heat of your skin, how you’d settle into it like it was completely natural. It might have been, but Jaehyun hesitated and he thought; he wouldn’t just reach. Instead, he smiled and said, “It was Jungwoo’s idea.”

You turned to watch Jungwoo nearing the car, smiling at the sight of you, almost tripping once again. You could feel Jaehyun’s eyes on you, the way his fingers stretched around the gear shift. If you reached just six inches you could wrap your fingers around his and hold his hand; feel his warmth in the smallest way possible, help or hinder him from driving before you settled your hands on your lap. Like it was completely natural. But, you kept your eyes on Jungwoo and swallowed, voice not wavering when you said, “I love it. It’s a perfect idea.”

Then Jungwoo was in the car, clambering in until he was the only thing settled between the three of you. Jaehyun’s hand stretched again, yours played with the hem of your dress and you both let Jungwoo carry the conversation, like it was completely natural.

📻

Yuta’s house was warm; bodies filling almost every space and contrasting the chill the night brought. He was nowhere in sight when the three of you walked in, but you’d come to expect it. Jaehyun had a hand on your back, keeping you close to him and pressed between himself and Jungwoo. Your wings brushed against people, the walls, the narrow spaces you pulled yourself through until you’d all landed in the kitchen.

Jaehyun said, “I’ll get you a drink.”

Jungwoo said, “There’s Mark.”

You said, “I wonder if Taeyong is coming.”

But every sound mixed in with the chatter and the music and the shuffling of feet, clacking of heels, barks of laughter. It was chaos. But, once again, it was expected of Yuta’s Halloween-slash-Birthday Party. So, you stood with your palms pressed to the countertop and tried to take in as much of it as you could. Someone bumped into your wings again, you heard Jungwoo hollering a “hello” to someone across the house. The crowd shifted like a kaleidoscope before you, new shapes and bodies and costumes rotating in an uncertain pattern between rooms. Jungwoo was right, Mark was close to the edge of a group, from the neck down dressed like Spider-Man, a bright smile on his face.

Jaehyun found his way back to you, pressing a plastic cup into your hand and turning to do the same for Jungwoo before taking a sip of his own drink, “Who is Mark talking to?”

“I think…” You squinted over the edge of your cup, mulling over answers as you swallowed down the alcohol, “It looks like Jaemin.”

Jaehyun nodded, observing the crowd as you were. He saw him, then. Johnny as a knight, Johnny looking at you. Johnny on his way over. When the music paused, when there was a break between songs and Jaehyun could swear he heard Johnny’s chainmail clinking, it hit him. Maybe the alcohol, maybe the increasingly hot air, maybe the noise as everyone rushed to dance to whatever song was playing. It clicked and Jaehyun felt sick, dizzy, desperate for stability.

Johnny looking at you. Johnny on his way over. Johnny as a knight. Johnny as your Romeo. Jaehyun cleared his throat and said, “You’re Juliet.”

You only glanced at him sideways, maybe afraid to look at him dead on. Between the feeling of Jaehyun’s arm brushing against yours, the sound of his voice you’d never hear clearly enough to place and the alcohol settling in your stomach, you felt a heat rush to your face. You had seen him, too, watched as Johnny weaved through the crowd and his grin and the way he looked at you when you repeated, “I’m Juliet.”

Jungwoo was still close enough to hear, but you’d never know if he was listening when Jaehyun said, “You wore a couple costume with Johnny?”

“I…” You had to pause, you had to blink. Johnny was so close that maybe he’d be able to read your lips, be able to read your body language, be able to read the way Jaehyun was looking at you better than you ever could. You wondered, only for half a second, when you’d become so out of touch with the way Jaehyun moved and spoke and thought, your heart plummeted only to shoot back up at an alarming pace, “I guess so.”

Jaehyun didn’t wait, didn’t hesitate or think about it. He was only six inches from your ear when his words flowed through them, “So does that mean you’re a couple?”

You looked at him then, losing Johnny for the moment it took you to swallow and say, “I don’t know Jaehyun.” It didn’t sound bitter coming from your lips, maybe confused, but it tasted bitter on your tongue. You looked over Jaehyun’s shoulder at Jungwoo, something settling inside you that you couldn’t pinpoint and raising your eyebrow, “You wore a couple costume with Jungwoo.”

Jaehyun glanced at his counterpart, down at his drink, across the counter where Johnny had been stopped by someone just briefly enough for Jaehyun to chide, “It’s not the same thing.”

Johnny was in front of you then, smiling and reaching out for your hand. Johnny was in front of you, stopping anything you might have said to Jaehyun. Johnny was in front of you and you reached six inches to take his hand when he said, “There’s my Juliet.”

And when you took it, when Johnny pulled you away and Jaehyun choked down the lump in his throat, Jungwoo put his arm around his Jack Dawson and said, “I think you picked the wrong Leonardo DiCaprio.”

And Jaehyun tried to take that in. He tried to rationalize how he'd been with everything for the last two weeks; every look you gave Johnny, the way he’d danced you down the street, the way Johnny watched you when you weren’t paying attention. The way Johnny had stolen you away at the festival to dance again, spin you around and pull you near. The way Johnny pulled you to dance, right then. Always dancing.

Always dancing.

Jaehyun thought you must have been dizzy from all the dancing, from the twists and turns and loops Johnny pulled you into. But, maybe if you were dizzy it was better. Jaehyun took another drink. Maybe if he was dizzy, even for a little while, it was better.

Maybe if both of you were dizzy it would make all of this feel completely natural.

📻

Johnny had you in the center of the living room; wings askew and hair falling into your eyes. He spun you and spun you and spun around you until you felt like maybe he was what kept the whole world spinning. The lazy grin on his face made your drunken heart swell. It would do the same thing, sober, so long as he kept looking at you like that. Neither of you were following a distinguishable rhythm; you were dancing to the song and Mark’s laughter and the sound of the floorboards creaking under your feet, Johnny was dancing to the music and Mark’s laughter and ping pong balls bouncing off Yuta’s dining room table.

Either way, you let him lead you.

Either way, he laughed and spun you once more.

And when you stumbled over your wavering feet, Johnny caught you and held you close enough that the ends of his hair brushed against your face. He smiled more, if he could, he’d smiled until it hurt looking at you like this. Johnny didn’t pull back and you didn’t think to ask him to, pressed together in front of all your friends and so blissfully drunk. He told you, “You look so beautiful, Juliet.”

“Yeah?” It was a whisper lost in the chaos. You spoke louder when you told him, “You look beautiful too, Romeo.”

Johnny seemed shocked, he put on a good show of it, “I do?”

And with calm, alcohol laced certainty, you said, “Always. Always beautiful.”

It came out slurred but clear enough. The sound hit his ears and Johnny considered asking to borrow your wings so he could float away. He knew he’d had too much to drink, but it felt so much like the night everything changed for him, the night your Knight looked at you and saw Juliet. So, Johnny pulled you upright and steadied you when you wobbled again. He waited, he watched and when he knew he could get away with it, Johnny leaned down and said, “I’m going to kiss you.”

You looked, too. The mass of bodies had thinned and spread out throughout the house. The two of you were tucked inside a small crowd, in a circle and world of your own, mostly blocked - blocked enough. So, you nodded, “Okay.”

And when Johnny kissed you, the room that had settled around you started spinning again. His lips, his lips, pulled you in as his arms did, wrapping you up in Johnny and holding you there. You could smell his cologne clinging to him, the taste of the cinnamon whiskey on his lips. Then, he pulled away faster than you wanted, faster than either of you wanted. Bug eyed, you shook your head and breathed out, “More.”

“More?” His breath was just as strained, “More.”

Johnny pulled you from your bubble, popping it to drag you through the living room, then the kitchen, outside into the yard and behind the biggest tree that had grown. Both of you were breathless, still, even more. Because you wanted more, you needed more of Johnny. He needed more of you. Your wings folded slightly around the trunk of the tree when he urged you against it, chest rising and falling until it bumped against Johnny’s.

He asked again, breath dancing in a cloud between you, “More?”

You nodded, licking your lips and running your hands up his arms, the cool metal armor he’d strapped to himself for just one night, “Please.”

So he gave you more, mind clouded, mind thrilled, mind lost. Johnny leaned down to kiss your lips like everything he needed was secured within them, slowly urging them open. His hands settled on your hips, their favorite place to be, with an almost bruising grip. The rumble of bass from inside the house opposed your heart hammering in your chest, Johnny’s pounding in his own. Your fingers laced in the strands of his hair at the nape of his neck and he almost begged you to stop before you tugged at them and he let out the sweetest moan; more melodic than any song you’d heard all night.

He moaned your name, the sound leaving his mouth and filling yours, “My Juliet.”

“Johnny.” More music. Better music. The sound of an angel. Johnny’s hands took hold of your thighs, pulling you up and wrapping them around his waist. His hips were grinding up against you, pulling sounds from you he didn’t know he was so desperate to hear until then. The bark of the tree scraped at your back, tearing away the feathers of your wings and dirtying up your dress. Johnny’s hands squeezed at your thighs to pull you down as he rolled his hips up, “Fuck, Johnny.”

And all at once, he stopped.

“This can’t happen here.” His voice was so low, thick and strained. You knew he was right, “We have to…shit…not here. Not now and not drunk. But, fuck, I want you so bad. I just…”

“Me too.” He paused all movement then, Johnny stopped and he opened his eyes, waiting for you to do the same. It shouldn’t have shocked him, but every time you moved closer to him, every bit you let him in, was everything to him. Intoxicating, even when drunk. He breathed, so you did too and reminded him, “I want you, too, Johnny.”

He wanted to point out that you were drunk. Johnny wasn’t cynical, but he would always wonder how much of this moment was encouraged by coconut and pineapple flavored courage. He didn’t place your feet back onto the ground, he only took you in. The white freckles you’d painted on your cheeks, the shimmer around your eyes and small streaks of mascara that had smeared throughout the night.

You were so impossibly beautiful to him. Always, as you had said, and especially in that moment.

“Breathe.” He was sobering up, in a way that made sense to him. Johnny was sobering up in a way that made him brush your hair back and kiss you one last time. He was sober in the way that urged him to seek out Jaehyun and Jungwoo to take you home for the night. Sober in a way you were miles away from, “Breathe with me.”

“I’m breathing.” Your words were still slurred. Johnny laughed, hands dropping your legs slowly and coming up to hold your face. Your labored breathing evened out in his hold, eyes locked on his in the darkness, “Johnny?”

“I’m okay. We’re okay.” Before you had the chance to worry, he assured you, “I just think we should get you home. Let’s both get home, okay?”

And, feeling the weight of the party and your wings and the alcohol, you nodded, “Okay.”

He found Jaehyun and Jungwoo, leaving you with Mark and Jaemin in the living room. Mark was mumbling the words to a song, tapping the beat onto your shoulders as you tried to hold each other steady. He leaned to look at Jaemin over your shoulder, “Are we getting food?”

Jaemin shrugged, “Jeno isn’t answering.”

Like Mark hadn’t heard the answer, he turned back to you and offered, “Come with us to get food. I miss you.”

You laughed, “I can’t. You can’t.”

“Why can’t I get food?”

“No. I can’t get food. I’m going with Jaehyun, Johnny and Jungwoo.” You leaned your head on his shoulder, “You can’t miss me because you see me all the time.”

Mark snickered, drunk and boyish and falling over himself, “That’s a lot of J’s.”

“Too many.” Your hand reached out to pat his shoulder, where his shoulder should have been, where you swore his shoulder was a second ago. The sight of your hand flapping aimlessly pulled a loud laugh from both of you. “I’m so tired.”

You could hear Jungwoo before you saw the three of them, forehead settled on Mark’s shoulder, tuning into the way the world spun without Johnny’s help. He laughed and pulled at your hands, guiding you from Mark, “I got her, Johnny.”

And with a nod, you stepped away from Mark. The combination of lingering intoxication and sleep creeping in had you wobbling again. You hadn’t remembered feeling so drunk until you stopped moving, until you stopped spinning, until Johnny had pulled you outside. You shook your head, letting Jungwoo pull you more and reminding Mark, “Let me know when you get home. Love you, Mark.”

The youngest smiled, “Love you.”

The first day of November had already begun, only barely and still hidden in the lingering Halloween shadows. It took you sixteen incertain steps for you to stumble, missing the last step of Yuta’s porch. Jaehyun and Johnny were waiting at the bottom and the sight of it launched your stomach up into your throat. Johnny’s lips were swollen still, pink and plump and you wanted so badly to kiss him again. To feel the cool metal of his costume armor under your fingertips, pressed against you.

And Jaehyun was looking directly at you, keys jingling in his hands while Johnny spoke to him. November wind swept Jaehyun’s shirt open and flush against him, your fingerprints he hadn’t washed away peeking out. If Johnny had made your world spin tonight, Jaehyun had made it stop. If you wanted the coolness of Johnny against you, on top of you, you also wanted the heat that rested underneath your skin when Jaehyun touched any part of you.

You were a mess; a sobering mess, but a mess all the same.

So, you stumbled. Sixteen steps and you stumbled. Jungwoo caught you halfway through catching yourself, hands on your waist and a drunken smile on his face. He’d lost his wig and you hadn’t noticed, but Jungwoo was always pretty without it.

You told him as much, mumbling a soft, “So pretty, Jungwoo.”

Johnny had knelt down in front of you, “Come on, Juliet. Let’s get you home.”

Jaehyun stood to the side, watching you climb onto Johnny's back holding your dress down, balancing your wings. He didn’t say anything, for the time it took you to secure yourself on Johnny, on your knight. Jaehyun only waited and cursed himself, cursed the night and the Knight and God, if he could get away with it, before he cleared his throat and said, “The car is just down the street.”

Johnny carried you to the car, loading you into the back and draping Jaehyun’s discarded blazer from his work day over your lap. You could smell Johnny again, that same cologne, but it was surrounded in a cloud of Jaehyun; his jacket, his car, him in the front seat.

You wanted to be home, suddenly and increasingly dizzy. Dizzy, dizzy, dizzy.

And maybe it was for the best. Maybe if you were dizzy, you wouldn’t see Jaehyun looking once, twice, three times in the rear view mirror at you. You couldn’t focus on the way your heart pounded and your head and the way your stomach flipped if you fell into the spin. Dizzy was best.

Johnny didn’t stop you when you leaned away from the window, lowering yourself until you had your head on his lap. He smiled, a secret tucked away in the backseat of Jaehyun’s car, and brushed your hair back once more. When you melted into his touch, Johnny smiled more, “Sleep. I’ll let you know when you’re home.”

It felt more like a blink, but you knew you’d fallen asleep for much longer when Johnny eased you awake; a hand in your hair, a hand on your shoulder wrapped around the ribbon of your falling wings. He was close to your ear, hunched over in a way that had to be uncomfortable for him, telling you, “Wake up, we gotta get you inside.”

Jungwoo asked, “Do you need help?”

Johnny shook his head, easing you up, “I’ve got her.”

Jaehyun stayed quiet, hands secured on the steering wheel and his eyes forward; towards the loft, towards the place you’d slept next to him for the entire last week. Towards anything that made sense.

Johnny pulled you from the car, from the warmth of Jaehyun’s heated seats and his jacket and through your gate, “Easy.” he said, like any of it was, “Easy, I’m right here.”

He didn’t kiss you at the door. Johnny couldn’t kiss you again, no matter how much he wanted to. Christ, he wanted to. You wanted him to, just as much, mind clouded and forgetting why he wasn’t. Forgetting that Jaehyun and Jungwoo were in the car, forgetting the audience you had. The two of you just stood there for a while, drawing out the process of unlocking your door until he took the keys from your hands, you shivered and Johnny pushed the door open for you. And you were home.

As you had wanted. Still dizzy, less dizzy.

Johnny told you, “Goodnight.” He said your name so softly you thought it was merely a shiver running down your spine, passing you back your keys and holding your hand for just a second, “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

He started to walk away, down the path back to the car, down to the audience waiting to give mixed reviews about your performance on the stairs. And you were home, like you wanted, one step away from safety and a world that didn’t spin and disorient you. You were home and he was leaving you in a world that was neither halted nor spinning, but just wobbling helplessly. Unsure of itself. You wanted to feel sure.

Johnny turned and made it five steps before you stopped him, “Johnny wait.”

He looked back at you, hands at his sides and his chainmail halting a second after, “Yeah? You okay?”

“Stay.” You swallowed, “Why don’t you stay?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

“Do you want to stay?”

“I think you know I do.”

You were breathing, filling your lungs slowly with crisp air. That’s what he told you to do, so you breathed. Your hands were wrapped around your keys, as tight as could be, “Okay. Then stay.”

“Okay.” Johnny let a smile settle on his face again, another secret under a November moon, “Okay, yeah. I’ll stay.”

He went back to the car, to the audience. He looked at Jaehyun with such a particular smile, a certain one, an elated one. Johnny said, “You guys go ahead. I’m going to help her get settled.”

Jaehyun looked at Johnny and nodded like he was okay with that, because he had to be okay with that, and he settled on telling him, “Get her some water.”

Johnny came back to you, pulled you inside as carefully as he could and sat you down on your stairs. You closed your eyes letting his world, the things he created, the way Johnny felt and smelled and sounded, spin around you. His fingers worked at your shoes, sliding them from your feet and putting them away before doing the same for himself. He told you, softly, “Stay here.”

You croaked, “Okay.”

And another blink passed before Johnny was in front of you with a glass of water in his hand, “Sip.”

Throat dry, you repeated, “Okay.”

You took a sip and Johnny worked at untying the knots of your wings. You took a sip and he slipped them off your shoulders, his fingertips cool and your skin warm beneath them. You took a sip and Johnny eased you up, once again, helping you up the stairs. You took a sip and stumbled and Johnny whispered, “Almost there, okay?”

He sat you down on your bed where you sipped and sipped and watched as Johnny fumbled around your room, pulling open drawers, sifting through your closet. He was in front of you again, placing a lump of clothes next to you and asking, quietly, so unlike Johnny, “Do you want me to help? I won’t look.”

You nodded.

So he helped you, pulling the pins and ties from your hair and threading his fingers through it to shake any knots or lost barrettes loose. He pulled your shirt over your head first before slipping his fingers underneath the collar and untying your dress, “Stand up.”

You did, on wobbling legs. One of his hands held the back of your thigh, the other worked at pulling your dress down over your hips and slipping the fabric down your thighs, your calves, from around your ankles. You might have been holding your breath the whole time, eyes locked on every move he made, but you didn’t notice until it all came rushing out at once. Johnny tossed your dress behind him, eyes down, eyes averted, eyes respectful, and reached for the pants he’d placed beside you. The shirt he’d given you was long enough to cover most of you, comfortable enough to sleep in alone, so you shook your head and told him, just above a whisper, “No.”

He only nodded, standing upright and moving a step away from you. Johnny pulled off his armor, pulled himself out of Romeo after you’d been stripped of Juliet, and turned his back to you. You watched every muscle in his back flex before you caught yourself, mumbling, “Sorry, I won’t look.”

Johnny looked over his shoulder at you, hair in his eyes, a cheeky smile, and he said, “You can.”

You blinked. You breathed. You blanched at the sight of him.

“Johnny.” He turned and picked up the shirt next to you, one he pulled for himself. It slipped over his head easily, oversized on you and perfect on him. He started working on the button of his pants, the sound of the zipper and fabric falling to the floor made you swallow, “I don’t have pants to fit you.”

“It’s okay.” He gathered his clothes, neatly piling them in a corner, “I’ll sleep on the couch downstairs, okay? If you need me, just call. I’m a light sleeper when I’ve been drinking, I promise I’ll hear you.”

Again, you shook your head and said, “No.”

“No?”

“Stay.” It felt like your vocabulary had been ripped from your memory, only repeating the same handful of words you’d said since coming home; no, okay, stay. Johnny let out a breath and you suddenly felt too nervous to look at him, anymore, your courage being stolen away, as well, with every sobering breath, “Please.”

“You’re still drunk. I don’t think we should.” He told you, “I don’t think-“

You cut him off, “Just to sleep…I just…just to sleep. Nothing else.”

It was taking him a minute to reply, rethink, reflect. So, you took a minute to take him in; Johnny, not Romeo anymore, in his boxer briefs and a shirt from your drawer. A shirt Jaehyun had given you after you’d stolen it too many times. Johnny had his hands on his hips, eyes closed and his head back, in your room and in Jaehyun’s shirt. Your throat felt dry again and you took a sip to comfort it and remind yourself that he was Johnny, he wasn’t Jaehyun or Romeo or anyone else he could have been tonight.

He was Johnny who’d spent the whole night with you, Johnny who rotated the Earth for you, Johnny who was certain and careful and took care of you. Johnny who was still silent and thinking across from you. You filled that silence with the last sliver of courage, telling him, “We’ve never just slept together. Just the two of us. Jae…Jaehyun and I do it all the time. Even Mark sometimes.”

Johnny breathed, “I know.”

“I just…Johnny, I just want to be close to you right now.” It was the truth, the space between you had made everything too still, again. You stepped towards him, wobbling and unsure, “My couch is really uncomfortable.”

He laughed at that, looking at you, finally looking at you. Johnny, not Romeo. Johnny, not Jaehyun. He tried his best to bite back a smile at the sight of you, hair loosened and messy, fingers tapping together in anticipation, your bottom lip pulled between your teeth, “Okay.”

“Okay.”

It was simple. He moved to turn the light off, you adjusted to the moonlight filling the room and Johnny reached for your hand to pull you towards your bed. For a while, you both lay still and facing each other, breathing slowly until you took each breath together, in and out.

Johnny reached out, hand sliding from your neck to your shoulder blades to the middle of your back, slow as can be. He took his time leaning in, waiting for you to stop him, to react, to pull back. You only nodded and closed your eyes, anticipating the feeling of his lips on yours. Impossibly soft, slow and sweet, shorter than you wanted. He kissed you perfectly, and while you were catching your breath, with his forehead against yours, Johnny whispered, “I’m not him. This isn’t…I don’t want this to be how you are with Jaehyun.”

“I know.” Your chest was tight, Johnny’s hold on you was so loose it felt like he was giving you an out. But, when you opened your eyes and saw the shirt he wore, the way it fit him so differently, the way he filled the space in your bed comfortably and how, when you finally looked up, Johnny watched you, you calmed. You nodded your head and told him, “It isn’t. We’re not.”

“We were.” He reminded you, “I really want to change that.”

“I know.” You repeated, “We can.”

Johnny pulled you closer, secured in his arms. You could hear his steady heartbeat, so certain with you pressed against him. Johnny, not Jaehyun.

Johnny, not Jaehyun.

You had almost drifted off, the thought swirling in your mind and spinning you into slumber. Then, you heard him again, a hint of a laugh when he asked, “Wasn’t it Sicheng’s birthday, this week? Did you text him?”

And you laughed, shaking your head against his chest and mumbling, “Shut up.”

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