#johnny is very easy to adapt to my style

[transsexual-necromutilomaniac]

obsessedly thinking about Stay With Me from Life Eater. i need that song ingrained in me. unfortunately i am bad at listening and need the lyrics so i can properly analyse them, but so far i cannot find them anywhere. this song is soooooo doomed devoted obsession..

[jypbae7]

Me me meeee <3 I'll request a full analysis about NCT's Johnny! 😚😚 Include errrrthing baby hahaha 18+ stuff, him as a romantic partner aka bf <3 whatever you want! I'm so excited to read this akndfkgkfn 😎😎😎❤️❤️

Johnny Suh - Natal chart

Finally finished it!! Johnny was actually the most requested member I received in my inbox! Sorry that it’s nearly the length of a novel lmao but I sectioned it to make it easier to read and navigate 💕

(Not claiming to be an expert this is just for fun please don’t take anything too seriously!) Hope this is helpful and that you enjoy it 🥰❤️

Personality: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Virgo rising, Leo Mars

While Aqua is a fixed sign it is definitely the most adaptable of the 3 fixed signs due to the Air element of Aquarius plus the ever spontaneous Gemini moon. Most things that make the rest of us feel anxious tend not to seem that scary to fearless Gemini or cool as a cucumber Aquarius.

Natural social butterflies who love their tribe deeply and fiercely once they find them. Busy bodies who are easily bored if left unstimulated too long which will turn into crankiness if not rectified quickly. Thankfully Aqua & Gem have a zest for life that makes them quite easy to please. They are open minded and will gladly stay up till 3am talking about aliens and conspiracy theories, just like they are thrilled to go on last minute random trips just because why not (Gemini impulsivity at it’s finest lmao)

Gemini is a mutable sign unlike fixed Aquarius. This is a pretty big difference and something that goes under the radar with Aquas due to that cool as a cucumber attitude. Because they are adaptable and typically very easy going they don’t often show their stubborn aggressive sides and honestly prefer not to have to unless they are feeling extremely disrespected or pushed beyond their boundary which is a BIG let me say that again, BIG no no with Aquarius (almost as big as it is for for the water signs)

Adding to these deep inner thoughts and vast inner world that Aquarians have, his Virgo rising adds more depth and self awareness. As perfectionists and highly intellectual minds they are a lot more self critical than they let on, just like they are a lot more caring and soft than they let on. They deeply care about others and the world in general seeing the big picture in a very earthy and traditional way - good people should strive to put good out and try their very best at whatever they do. They deeply dislike mean, malicious, manipulative, or spiteful behavior or people and generally keep guarded around people they don’t know well until they feel certain of the person’s true intention. There’s nothing Virgo is more cautious of than to be swindled or hurt by someone they take it reallyy hard and they know it.

Now we alllll know his swag and confidence is legendary and we can all thank the Leo Mars placement for that and the beautiful lush shiny hair and big toothy smile (Looking at Mark, Jaemin and Xiaojun like 👁👄👁) But beyond the aesthetics and dripping confidence and charisma, Leo is another creative sign that tends to be a lot more intellectual and intuitive than people give them credit for.

When the other members call Johnny one of the scariest members you can bet it’s his aggressive fiery fixed Leo Mars which is loud and even violent when provoked enough not to mention the fixed Aquarius tornado energy...Oooof that is a lot of Fixed sign rage right there honey so let’s tread lightly with Johnny boy and appeal to his open minded and friendly nature with a gentle tone and non-pointed words during discussions and all shall be good even if there’s some disagreeing!

Honestly if the argument starts getting bad you can always distract the Gemini moon by just bringing up other interesting topics! Geminis minds move FAST and while they can process a lot of information quickly and precisely they tend to get distracted easily (but here’s the good side of that😉)

Aquarius have a deep love of family and the desire to create their own (Geminis often share this trait) they can feel a bit like outsiders or “other” from people and thus crave to build a tribe of their own - this can be friends that are lifelong deep relationship carried on no different than family or starting their own family with a partner and kids

Relationships:

Non-Romantic Relationships & overall communication style: Aquarius Sun, Gemini Moon, Aqua Mercury, Leo Mars, Virgo Rising

Built off laughter, time spent together whether its at home hanging out casually or going out for meals and fun new things to try together

Wants to bounce lots of ideas off of his closest friends and secretly loves doing creative stuff together the most - this is pretty evident if you watch JCC he’s happiest when he’s doing stuff with his bros whether it’s sporty, musical, or crafts

Does not like to be vulnerable even with those he’s close to, tends to stick to neutral and more light hearted topics of interest and conversation because he prefers to spread a good mood instead of a heavy one

If he really trusts you or has worked through it enough already to want to talk about something serious you’d better listen cause the boy drops gems of wisdom and has a really soft mushy heart

Immediately adopts his close friends as family and no matter the time apart or distance will always treat them the same

Likes friends he can learn from and take on new adventures with they satisfy the intellectual Virgo rising and Aqua & leo sign thrill needs - Gemini is all about BOTH of these

Deeply appreciates loyalty, acts of service, and quality time with his friends and family - makes his heart soooo happy BUT

He would rather fucking DIE than let you or anyone see him cry so he cries like 4 times a year at 3am in the bathroom while everyone’s asleep (HIGHKEY feel like Ten & Jaehyun are exactly like this too)

Romantic relationships and preferences: Capricorn Venus, Leo Mars, Capricorn Juno, Capricorn Eros

Mr. Johnny Suh has THREE Capricorn placements tied to love and intimacy so that’s saying something lmao

Going against Aquarius’ open mindedness and anti-traditional persona Capricorn prefers all things traditional and stable.

Very much does acts of service for his partner as a sign of affection also lots of touching and quality time.

A veryyyyyy spontaneous boyfriend/partner thanks to that Gemini moon - he either wants to stay at home in pjs and order food and have movie marathons or whisk you away on zero notice to a trip lol

Earth sign men are drawn to women who embody very flowery feminine energy and aesthetics. They prefer a “natural beauty” who can spice it up sometimes rather than a super flashy 24/7 partner. (He’s said in the past that his ideal type is Yoona which says it all lol)

Will be highly drawn and intrigued by someone with a high work ethic and high intellect. BIG bonus points if you can keep up with his sarcasm and jokes.

Earth signs are pretty physical and handsy so expect to have little personal space around him, make no mistake they enjoy this very much. He will definitely be grabbing you and picking you up often! He’ll be smirking down at you devilishly watching you get flustered backed into a corner trapped by the sheer size of his muscular body. A Capricorn male’s ego really enjoys this dynamic, trust me lol.

Also another quirky male Capricorn trait that actually applies to Aqua & Gem as well… They like to initiate all the touchy feely stuff - What I mean by that is they can get easily spooked by clinginess too early on. These three signs want romance and definitely want to feel that you’re into them but they also are innately independent and enjoy relationships where their partner can also go off into the world and thrive in their own way and meet back together in the middle. So long as you can find a happy balance, when you are together you won’t have to initiate anyways honestly because he’ll be the one pulling you.

Okay let's talk about Juno & Eros - Juno in Capricorn is about serious, loyal, long term commitment though they tend to marry later in life once they’ve already achieved the things they want to for themselves which I can see being the case for Johnny as well especially with his current career.

18+ Preferences:

Eros in Cap where to begin - high libido, stimulated by visuals and touch. Wear interesting colors, patterns, textures to catch his eyes & his hands - lacy lingerie is a plus the texture will really excite him and the feminine look will please his earthy traditional cap side. If you really wanna have him drooling throw in some spicy contrasts like a leather choker with the lace set and you’ll also set off his Aqua, Gem, and Leo placements as well ;)

Tends to bounce back and forth between fucking you like you’re a cheap groupie whore and taking his time staring you in the eyes and kissing you passionately as he’s stomach deep - no inbetween but really who’s complaining??

DOM KINK - NOT UP FOR DEBATE he has THREE Capricorn placements for fucksake meaning 3 cardinal signs which are literally called “the INITIATORS” plus all his other fixed personality placements

More of the classy rich ceo vibes kind of dom (suits, expensive cologne and jewelry, leather, black and red binds) - takes you to bougie hotels when he really wants to ramp it up and not have to care who hears. You can expect not to sleep those nights but he’ll damn sure pamper you afterwards with cuddles, food, and a spa date.

Now...with all his Air sign placements...I have to say it...he’s a kinky ass dude. Few things are off the table, but he’s also super content with “normal” stuff too. It’s more about the person and experience for him than doing the wildest things possible. So if it feels natural and right then he’s down.

Don’t be surprised if he wants to tie you up like a pretzel or role play because he’s definitelyyy going to ask. Well actually he’d probably just buy whatever outfit or binds he wanted to use and casually be like “look what I got for us baby” as if it’s matching charm bracelets or something. The good news is he’ll dress up and get into it with you and he’s super receptive to your boundaries, fantasies and making it enjoyable as possible for you too.

If you flip the script on him and suddenly break the norm either by taking the initiate/lead first or trying something new he will absolutely combust 🤯 and be in the palm of your hand staring in absolute awe and fascination till he can’t take it anymore and reclaims his spot as the one in control

Nudes, videos, and phone sex when apart are a definite and they really keep the passion burning for him which is honestly VERY important and don’t worry he’s NOT shy and you will be grateful for the beautiful collection of photos and videos 🤤

Boredom for Aquas, Gems, and Caps can quickly lead into self-sabotaging behaviors and/or wandering eyes not because they don’t value loyalty but that they really need and benefit from mental stimulation and feeling wanted so when that’s gone they can pull away

Honestly pretty much any type of lingerie or outfit will turn him on because the most arousing part for him is knowing that you spent time doing such a naughty thing for his sake

Breeding kink - 3 earth placements and has said himself in interviews he would’ve started having kids at 25 if he wasn’t an idol soooooo that’s a definite. He imagines you pregnant with his baby and it makes him super soft and warm which quickly turns to super turned on. He loves the primal marking aspect of claiming you in such a way and also watching you unravel to the point of begging him to do it. Even if it’s just “play” he loves it and will probably think about it a lot more than you know. If you ever do it for real he will be utterly and completely obsessed with you forever and be practically more excited about all the stages of your pregnancy than you are

[intheseautumnhands]

Sorting Hat Chats: Oxventures

Hey look, I finally actually got a sorting post written! .... and it's one that I'm pretty sure interests absolutely nobody else, because I don't think anyone else in the Sorting Hat Chats community is into Oxventures, and also the reverse. But the brainwanderings will go where they wish and they don't ask me for permission, and I've been marathoning (and sleeping to) a lot of Oxventures lately, so let's go.

Just in case anyone does choose to take a look, I'll do a brief sum up of both system and canon, so that no one's lost. System first, because I have some other thoughts about canon I want to mention. The full rundown of the basics is here, but just so we're all on the same page:

A VERY BRIEF OVERVIEW OF THE @sortinghatchats​SYSTEM

Your Primary house is your motivations, values, and why you do what you do. 

Lion Primaries do it this way because their gut tells them it's right.

Bird Primaries do it this way because the system they've put together to guide them tells them this is what's right.

Badger Primaries do it this way because it's the best thing for the community as a whole, or for the most people.

Snake Primaries do it this way because it's the best thing for the people they prioritize.

Your Secondary house is how you approach the world, the methods that come most easily and naturally to you.

Lion Secondaries charge. They attack problems head-on and directly, and they're in their comfort zone when they are their authentic selves.

Bird Secondaries plan. They collect tools, skills, and information, and they're in their comfort zone when they're prepared for the situation.

Badger Secondaries toil. They put their nose to the grindstone or they build connections to get things done, and they're in their comfort zone when things call for steady, consistent work.

Snake Secondaries improvise. They're adaptive and quick on their feet, and they're in their comfort zone when they have the wiggle room to go with what comes to them.

Other terminology may come up as well. I will try and link to posts that explain it better if I end up using anything.

A VERY BRIEF EXPLANATION OF OXVENTURES

Oxventures is the D&D Actual Play show done by the youtube gaming channels Outside Xbox and Outside Xtra, DMed by Johnny Chiodini from the tabletop game channel Dicebreaker. They've been going since fall 2017, first in-person and now streamed. It is an extremely fun show with a group of very entertaining players that have been basically learning to play as it goes. If you're into D&D shows and not too bothered by a very hand-wavey approach to rules, I greatly recommend it.

There are, however, some things that make it difficult to sort. It's a comedy show, and while I don't think this is true for every comedy, in general, it's very easy for characterization to occasionally get passed over for a laugh. It's sometimes hard to tell what jokes are being thrown around OOC versus IC. And the D&D format means there is no going back and editing anything; characterization is developed on the fly, and there's already been discussion that talked about how some of the characters changed as they were being played. Also, it's action-driven -- you don't always get a lot of information on what's going through people's head, so motivation can be hard to pin down.

So it's a little difficult and I've gotten wobbly on a lot of them. Which makes it a great choice for my first sorting!

(...To be fair, it's my first sorting post. I've been watching this system and sorting things to myself for -- *checks when I first mentioned it* wait hold on five years? Really? Okay, cool. Excuse me while I sit and have a mental montage to How Far We've Come as I remember all the fine-tuning it's been through in that time.

Anyway, I've been sorting things to myself for five years, so I'm not new to this, I'm just new to trying to explain my whys, so I hope this comes out understandable. I'm sorry for the rambling, because we're already 750 words in and I haven't even started.)

   ANYWAY LET'S GET TO THE SORTING.

Corazón de Ballena, human pirate rogue  Corazón, oh Corazón, what... do I even do with you. He's clearly not a Badger -- fairness and other people's needs are not his priority. Between the obvious Jack Sparrow riff and the "pirate seeking glory" thing, my instinct is to say a Lion Primary, probably a Gloryhound Lion in specific. I could see a Bird Primary, just because there is something extremely constructed-feeling about Corazón -- I think his truth would look very Snake-like, prioritizing himself and the people he chooses, but I could see it.

But I'm going to lean into a full Snake Primary, I think. While he doesn't care about most people, he does care very much about the people who do matter to him -- see his whole complicated relationship with his father, even after his father tried to kill him; see his burning down a guy's house because he's mean to Prudence; to some extent, see his attempt to help end his old crew's curse. He puts people above anything else, but only the people he chooses to (or where can't help it, in his father's case) I think he'd almost like people to believe that he's Burned and doesn't care about anyone else, but he very much is not, though he doesn't seem to let new people into the circle often or easily, either. I could still very much see a Gloryhound Lion, but in the end I think if asked to put the party first or fame and fortune first -- he would complain, he would never let them hear the end of it, but he would also choose the party every single time.

For Secondary: Corazón would really want people to think he's a Snake. If he could read the descriptions and pick his own, I'm pretty sure he'd say he was a Snake. Adaptable, cunning, deceitful -- and it's not that he's not these things, but the way it manifests itself feels much more like a rapid-fire Bird Secondary. He's analytical, he learned magic entirely from books, and I haven't actually counted, but I would bet you that he makes more investigation rolls than anyone else. While his quickly thought up plans do work, they often tend to rely on things he already knows -- disguise self and minor illusion come up often, hiding and evading, etc. He seems to be one of the party that gets the most non-combat use out of his various magical abilities. It's a very quick and jack-of-many-trades style of Bird, but it's still very Bird.

Dob, half-orc bard  Dob is quite possibly the loudest loyalist primary... just, that I have ever seen, ever. To start with, I'm just going to drop this quote here: "I know there's good in you, jailor I just met!"

How about the way that he's first introduced as a bard who goes from town to town playing the lullaby his lost sister used to sing to him, searching for her. Or his habit of, to quote TV Tropes, "engaging in random acts of adoption". Or the time he tried to learn spells to apologize to the dead orphans. Or how he still managed to forgive the skeletons that killed the orphans. Or the time he forgave the cult that almost got them all killed. Or giving the cultists (from a different cult) relationship advice. Or the time he ended up listening to the jailor's marriage woes. Or....

Look, I could keep going but I think we've got enough examples. So: Badger or Snake? On the one hand he definitely seems to worry about saving his particular people first when there's danger... but, there's a level of guilt about innocent people who have died on his watch, and that habit of taking in random people on multiple adventures, that really makes me lean towards a Badger Primary. Dob seems to genuinely care about everyone they cross as a default, and of all of them, he's the first I can see coming to the aid of an enemy who he has no prior positive experiences with.

As for a Secondary, Dob is the master of quick plans, quicker lies, and steamrolling NPCs into going along with things. The entire party ends up thinking on their feet more often than not, but he seems to do his best work that way, as a Snake Secondary often does. Sometimes he goes so fast that he forgets something and makes a mistake -- which is how "don't be a Dob" has become a thing -- but his impulsive ideas actually work out more often than it doesn't, and he's also very good at connecting with a wide variety of people. On the page for Snake/Slytherin Secondaries, the SHC site says, 

"Slytherins will adapt to their own best advantage without thinking about it. They’ll walk into a situation and things will work out to their benefit without them quite knowing what happened or what they did to influence it." 

-- and doesn't that just fit with Dob's ridiculous amounts of luck?

He does seem to spend a fair amount of time in his neutral state, or at least adapting in a non-conscious kind of way. There is something generally blunt about Dob a lot of the time, enough that I considered Lion pretty heavily -- but in the end, he works best when he's running on the fly and making shit up, in a way that feels extremely Snake to me. And he's not only so good at lying, but so quick to default to it, that Lion doesn't feel accurate.

Egbert the Careless, dragonborn paladin Poor Egbert, the worst paladin. While his original order really seems to prioritize a very classic Paragon Lion Primary, Egbert barely seems to have a model of one -- it's more of a performance, which is being chipped steadily away by the rest of the party. He tries, but I can't see a genuine Lion Primary from his background killing people so casually. Or hitting an old man with a cursed mace over and over until he turns into a seal. And then keeping the seal as a pet. Or just... saying "maybe crime is good!" because he likes the food at the crime den. He's trying, but he's really not good at it. So the question remains: what is he?

I think it's hard to place him because, one, he really want to be that Lion. And second, whatever he is, I think the values that motivation is set on are... kind of in flux? I don't think he's super burned; I think he might be lightly charred at best. But: if he's a Bird, he's in the process of losing the truth of "whatever the Order of the Dragon Door says is right" to something that comes more from the party and probably more genuinely. If he's a Badger, he's in the process of changing communities. If he's a Snake, the Order is getting pushed more and more out of his inner circle, replaced by the party.

I was leaning Badger, but the more I think about it, I think that's the remnants of the attempt to play Lion. I think Egbert's a Snake Primary who is starting to shed his old skin. (There's like three layers of bad joke in that, and I'm sorry.) The Lion priorities made that Snake look a little more Badger-y, but he does so, so many things that just don't strike me as caring deep down about need. Like the thing where he turned an old man into a seal. I just keep looking at that incident and I either need to completely ignore that incident -- which is hard, when Seal Gaiman is still hanging around -- or go with something else. His reaction to Dana's bigotry in Snow Mercy does feel a little more Badger-y to me... but that could still be that Lion Performance flavoring, and/or a symptom of how the party as a whole gets pissed about anti-tiefling sentiment coming out in sympathy of another maligned race. I also feel like a Badger would be working a little more actively on atonement and stop getting distracted.

He is, however, a very loud Lion Secondary. While the party as a whole does a lot of ploys that involve deceit or talking their way into things, Egbert is rarely the one doing that part. He doesn't bother with subtlety, or with doing any of the many things he can as a paladin, which is how we got the whole glorious "you've been able to teleport for how long?" moment. He does sometimes manage to make connections that move the story along, and he always does it by being himself.

But most of all, I can't think of a better word to describe how Egbert attacks a situation than charging. I'm just going to quote again from the site: 

"their problems are met head on rather than subverted, negotiated, or cajoled. They have an efficiency so direct it’s almost combative." 

And that seems like Egbert to a T.

Merilwen, wood elf druid Merilwen is a Badger Primary whose version of "people" is "animals, my community, and also I guess these four now". She doesn't really seem to care about what would traditionally be considered "people", and Ellen (who plays her) has spoken about how Merilwen's morals towards non-animals is pretty much entirely influenced by the party --  but with the things she cares about she strikes me as extremely Badger. She's absolutely ready to throw down everything for the party, but when they're not in danger from it, she will also absolutely fight the rest of them for an animal -- see that incident where she talked everyone out of fighting the Owlbear. "Animals are hurt" or "you hurt my friends" is the fastest way to bring out her viscous side.

She could also maybe be a Snake who includes all animals in her circle, but: one, I very much feel like she'd choose whether to prioritize her friends or an animal over who needs her more. Two, the way she interacts with her family and her community in Elf Hazard seems very Badger to me. Her worry about not being able to see her family again, her unwillingness to disappoint them and decision to take a new name to make them happy, even after the danger is past. Things like Merilwen's Meat-Grinder also strike me this way -- specifically, her willingness to do massive damage to save the party and subsequent discomfort with having done it, even though she doesn't care that much about the people who were hurt even after having done it. "Fair and loyal" seems like a good way to sum up her morality in general. Her being so close to Dob and understanding each other so well also adds to this (even if a lot of that likely has to do with Ellen and Luke (who plays Dob) being so close as much as anything, but if I try to separate out things that are OOC-influence I will be here forever).

I'm torn between the foundational Secondaries for her: Bird, or Badger. There is something about her likelihood to fall back on "I turn into a [cat/bear/octopus]" as a plan that feels a little Bird-like to me -- that fallback on the favored, most well-used, best-understood tools, even in situations where it takes a little forcing to make them fit. On the other hand, she seems to be the one most likely to see a job that's not being done as part of the plan, and go fill that role. She's certainly steady, trustworthy, quiet, and consistent. I don't think she has a problem with shortcuts on many things, but could see her raising objections about things she actively cares about. She also often solves things by connecting with animals, which fits when you consider her people/community largely being animal-based. I'm still a little back and forth on this, but in the end, I'm going to lean towards a Badger Secondary.

Prudence, tiefling warlock I'm having a hard time putting my finger on Prudence. I think this is partly Jane's play style -- I feel like she's the least likely to go into what's going on in Prudence's head or why she's doing things, and she doesn't really have a driving goal we're aware of except "do things to make Cthulhu pleased", but that's mostly along the way. She's not a Badger. I would lean towards not a Lion; I guess it's possibly she's a Lion whose gut morality is about hedonism, "I should have what I want", or something like that, but I really don't get the impression that she has much of an internal morality overall. "Some things are just wrong and you can't talk your way out of it" (to quote the Lion/Gryffindor Primary page) absolutely does not sound like something Prudence would ever thing.

So again we're between the decided Primaries: Bird or Snake? I could see her being a Bird, but I have no idea what her truth is at this point. Still, I want to lean towards Snake Primary, specifically one that was burnt. We're going into how-IC-was-this-anyway territory here again, but there's a moment early on, in Brawl of the Wild, where Jane is narrating Prudence hurling herself in front of two of the others and stops mid-narration to ask "wait, why am I doing that" -- it feels incredibly like a Snake who's found themselves unburning while they weren't paying attention and now is trying to figure out how this happened. She's also pretty open with how fond she is of the party, pleased as punch when Corazón burns down the house of a guy who's an asshole to her, even more pleased when Egbert seems corruptible, seems genuinely happy that the group has gotten more lax about killing, and of course there's "You'll never leave me, Corazón, I'll kill you first" and hugging the Egbert-statue after he's been kidnapped when no one can see her.

But more than the party, what makes me lean towards Snake is her relationship with her warlock patron. There's nothing cold, nothing business-like, it's not even worshipful: Cthulhu-dad is kind of a joke, but... it's also not? Even if the actual fatherly-ness of it can be read as joking, she still genuinely seems to have warm, loving feelings for him, and that particular set-up really strikes me a loyalist thing.

(That gives us an all-loyalist party, but honestly, considering they're not the most moral people around and how quickly they all bond... that kind of works?)

Bird Secondary -- her plans tend to be the most practical, she has her favored methods for handling things, and her interest in all things magic strikes me as very Bird-with-a-favorite-thing. Her Bird seems pretty good at reading people, too, particularly knowing the party's strengths -- which is often chaos and making things up. She's not quite a rapid-fire as Corazón, but she's pretty good on her feet if need be... it's just that her lack of interest in what's morally right means the plan she usually pulls out is "eldritch blast". To be fair, it usually works.

IN SUMMATION:

Corazón: Snake Primary/Bird Secondary (possible Snake performance)

Dob: Badger Primary/Snake Secondary (possible Badger model)

Egbert: Snake Primary (attempting to model the Order and possibly Shattershield's Lion Primary, which comes off weirdly Badger-ish in the end)/Lion Secondary

Merilwen: Badger Primary (whose "people" are animals, the elf community she grew up in, and now the Oxventurers)/Badger Secondary

Prudence: Unburning Snake Primary/Bird Secondary

OXVENTURE IN THE DARK BONUS ROUND:

Very recently they've begun an Oxventure spin-off series, playing Blades in the Dark instead. We're only two episodes in, and since part of the plan is to rotate who's in each episode, most of them are only in one -- and since we've gotten so little of the new group, and so much can change as the players learn their characters and find their feet, I can't confidently sort them right now. But I think it'd be interesting to share some initial impressions and see how they hold up down the line. Spoilers for both episodes if anyone's behind, I'll put Lillith and Barnaby last just to be sure.

Edvard: If Edvard the inventor is not a Bird Secondary, I will eat my hat. I could see him going the way of the traditional SHC impulsive scientists who do things For Science, and ending up in Lion/Bird territory, or going towards Bird/Bird; at the moment I don't think he'll be a loyalist, but we'll see!

Zillah: I think we know less about Zillah than anyone else at this point, but we do know that, one, she's doing crime to get money for her family, and two, she seems pretty level-headed. I'm thinking maybe a Lion Secondary, leaning away from Bird Primary but at this point could see anything else.

Kasamir: Between his class/playbook being about having his fingers in a lot of crime pies, Johnny saying he's not really good at anything besides crime, and his slight mentor-y vibe in episode one, I'm getting Badger Secondary or Bird Secondary vibes -- leaning Badger right now, but we'll see. (I'm also getting Mozzie-from-White-Collar-but-more-physical vibes, but I cannot find the sorting that Moz used to be under, unfortunately. I want to say either Badger/Bird or Bird/Badger.) He doesn't strike me as a Lion Primary at this point, but we'll see.

Lillith: I was going to say Bird Secondary because she's leaning so hard into the intellectual, but so far she has tried to solve problems by befriending a ghost girl and convincing the workers to start a union so.... I'm feeling some Badger/Lion or Lion/Badger vibes coming off her at this point. She might slide into a more Bird-y role in the future, or it might end up looking more like a model.

Barnaby: Despite having gotten through two episodes now basically saving the day by being himself, I don't get Lion Secondary vibes from him -- actually, I'm thinking he could end up a Badger Secondary, just extremely far on the Courtier Badger side of the scale, and one that’s very full of himself. Not sure on that yet, though. Primary: no idea, but probably not Badger.

[lookbluesoup]

Hey Wyn! I Just read all of your Blue Soup series! I love it all!!! Every word of it is fantastic! I've been wanting to start writing Fanfiction for Fallout for a long time, but I've always been intimidated by the prospect of writing already-established characters and "ruining them" (especially characters like Piper, Preston and Nick, who I plan to make main characters in my story). Do you have any advice on dealing with this?

Hi Anon! Thanks so much for your kind words! ;w; I’m certainly no expert and know this fear personally, but I’ll ramble here about my process and how I try to think about things. Hopefully it can encourage you, too! :D I’ll add the disclaimer that this is what works for me, and what works for me might not work for others, that’s ok! 

First off - writing is for fun. Wanting to do justice to the characters and capture their essence is a great goal, and also a learning process. You don’t have to do it perfectly, nor should you try. Perfection implies there’s nothing more to learn or grow over, which is one, unachievable, and two, the death of innovation. Just do the best you can with what you know, and let your passion for the characters guide the process. And be gentle with yourself. 

Our own experiences and preferences will effect how we write these characters, what traits of theirs stand out to us, how we define their shape, at least in small ways, and that’s not inherently bad. Just like many different artists can draw a character in 100 different styles and that character is still recognizable and familiar (and enjoyable!), writers can emphasize 100 different facets of that character, too. If you’re putting your heart into it, you won’t ruin them. Saw a beautiful LotR post the other day about that, talking about how the movies are different from the books, but the love for the story and characters shows because the people who made those movies were passionate about it, and they’re worthy adaptations of the stories’ spirit. It’s the same for fanfiction.

It’s personally more fun for me to think about the writing process like I’m exploring a character rather than making a statement about a character, which are two very distinct mindsets for me. Exploring is fun, engaging, its ok to change your mind and edit or alter your story as you get new information. It’s like a puzzle, thinking through a character’s motivation, finding ways to incorporate that into a story. Making a statement is more 'fixed’, and implies pushing a narrative as the correct one, which adds a lot of pressure. Personally? I don’t like pressure hahaha 

Still - it’s hard not to feel obligated to do something to a certain standard for one reason or another. My anxiety likes to tell me lots of little lies, and it can be very convincing. When it strikes, working through my nerves is often harder than actually writing LOL

When I first started writing Fallout fanfic, I didn’t post it anywhere. That took a LOT of the pressure off, knowing that none of this needed to, or was even intended to be, shared with others who might judge. These stories were just between me and the characters. It was safe. I could work at my own pace and enjoy the process in my little tide pool. Since deciding to share them, I’ve been really grateful for the support readers have given! It feels good, I’m glad I found the courage to post them.

As for working out that puzzle of what seems most likely for a character, how to capture the heart of them, I love voice lines! Codex entries! Compilations! The best way to get to know a character is to spend time with them. I take Piper everywhere with me, I want to know what she thinks about everything, her character really struck a chord with me and, well, cue hyperfixation hahaha I use the Windows 10 Game Bar to record audio clips and have a massive archive of her voice lines. Flipping through these is a useful tool for me to get back into her “pattern” of speaking. All the Companions have distinct voices and tendencies, which is another neat aspect to writing them. I feel more confident knowing I had access to the source material. Also I just. Like listening to her voice sometimes. Shhh

Other great resources for this are the wiki (which has text files of most, if not all, each character’s dialogue lines and conversation trees) and youtube companion reaction comps - this SOUNDS like a lot of work. But for me at least I love it, it doesn’t feel like work because I’ll be excited looking for specific lines a la “how does she talk when she’s angry”, “what does she have to say about mirelurks”, you don’t have to keep everything about each character in your head memorized - these audio and text files are great archives to find what’s relevant to a scene quickly.

When I got into Fallout, I also got interested in 1950s movies, music, and even radio shows like Johnny Dollar and Green Hornet. This gave me context around the characters, too. For example, Piper’s kickass reporter vibes throw back to a lot of old sleuthing reporter tropes, and interpreting her actions through some of those filters felt more authentic to me than applying her behavior to a modern day setting or my own inclinations. I guess along with that I’d also say, take notes! Have an observation? Write it down in a notes file, or a google doc, somewhere you can sync between your devices and add to whenever you think about it. What stuff sticks out to you as important or defining for these characters, what trends do you notice? If you have bullet points written down, these also make great quick references. Here’s a few screenshots from the terror that is my notes docs:

You can see they’re just short notes or scribbled down thoughts that I can quickly reference if I’m wondering how she might act in a certain scene at a certain time! For me getting into a character’s headspace is often more of a feeling than any kind of scientific research, having easy access to these pointers helps put me in the right state of mind to jump into the creative pool and swim around and get soaked in - character goo - okay bad metaphor. Anyway,

None of these are rules that you have to follow or things that you have to do to get the characters “right”, they’re just potential tools that can help you find information to build off of, and hopefully feel more confident. Maybe something else is more useful to you with organizing or keeping your head clear for writing, it’s cool to experiment and find out what works for you!

[blackkudos]

Johnny Guitar Watson

John Watson Jr. (February 3, 1935 – May 17, 1996), known professionally as Johnny "Guitar" Watson, was an American blues, soul, and funk musician and singer-songwriter. A flamboyant showman and electric guitarist in the style of T-Bone Walker, Watson recorded throughout the 1950s and 1960s with some success. His creative reinvention in the 1970s with funk overtones, saw Watson have hits with "Ain't That a Bitch" and "Superman Lover". His successful recording career spanned forty years, with his highest chart appearance being the 1977 song "A Real Mother For Ya".

Early life

Watson was born in Houston, Texas. His father John Sr. was a pianist, and taught his son the instrument. But young Watson was immediately attracted to the sound of the guitar, in particular the electric guitar as played by T-Bone Walker and Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown.

His grandfather, a preacher, was also musical. "My grandfather used to sing while he'd play guitar in church, man," Watson reflected many years later. When Johnny was 11, his grandfather offered to give him a guitar if, and only if, the boy didn't play any of the "devil's music". His parents separated in 1950, when he was 15. His mother moved to Los Angeles, and took Watson with her.

Early career

In his new city, Watson won several local talent shows. This led to his employment, while still a teenager, with jump blues-style bands such as Chuck Higgins's Mellotones and Amos Milburn. He worked as a vocalist, pianist, and guitarist. He quickly made a name for himself in the African-American juke joints of the West Coast, where he first recorded for Federal Records in 1952. He was billed as Young John Watson until 1954. That year, he saw the Joan Crawford film Johnny Guitar, and a new stage name was born.

In 1953, Shorty Rogers had Watson as part of his Orchestra perform for the famed ninth Cavalcade of Jazz concert held at Wrigley Field in Los Angeles which was produced by Leon Hefflin, Sr. on June 7. Also featured that day were Roy Brown and his Orchestra, Don Tosti and His Mexican Jazzmen, Earl Bostic, Nat "King" Cole, and Louis Armstrong and his All Stars with Velma Middleton.

Watson affected a swaggering, yet humorous personality, indulging a taste for flashy clothes and wild showmanship on stage. His "attacking" style of playing, without a plectrum, resulted in him often needing to change the strings on his guitar once or twice a show, because he "stressified on them" so much, as he put it.Watson's ferocious "Space Guitar" single of 1954 pioneered guitar feedback and reverb. Watson would later influence a subsequent generation of guitarists. His song "Gangster of Love" was first released on Keen Records in 1957. It did not appear in the charts at the time, but was later re-recorded and became a hit in 1978, becoming Watson's "most famous song".

He toured and recorded with his friend Larry Williams, as well as Little Richard, Don and Dewey, The Olympics, Johnny Otis and, in the mid-1970s with David Axelrod. In 1975 he was a guest performer on two tracks (flambe vocals on the out-choruses of "San Ber'dino" and "Andy") on the Frank Zappa album One Size Fits All. He also played with Herb Alpert and George Duke. But as the popularity of blues declined and the era of soul music dawned in the 1960s, Watson transformed himself from southern blues singer with pompadour into urban soul singer in a pimp hat. His new style was emphatic – wearing the gold teeth, broad-brimmed hats, flashy suits, fashionable outsized sunglasses and ostentatious jewelry.

He modified his music accordingly. His albums Ain't That a Bitch (included funk blues singles "Superman Lover") and Real Mother For Ya(1977) fused funk and blues. Watson had album Love Jones in 1980. Reviewing Watson's 1977 LP A Real Mother for Ya, Robert Christgau wrote in Christgau's Record Guide: Rock Albums of the Seventies (1981): "Watson has been perfecting his own brand of easy-listening funk for years, and this time he's finally gone into the studio with his guitar Freddie and his drummer Emry and a bunch of electric keyboards and come up with a whole album of good stuff. The riff-based tracks go on too long but go down easy and the lyrics have an edge. Granted, Watson can't match George Benson's chops, but this is dance music, chops would just get in the way. And I prefer his Lou-Rawls-without-pipes to Benson's Stevie-Wonder-ditto."

Later career

The shooting death of his friend Larry Williams in 1980 and other personal setbacks led to Watson briefly withdrawing from the spotlight in the 1980s. "I got caught up with the wrong people doing the wrong things", he was quoted as saying by The New York Times.

The release of his album Bow Wow in 1994 brought Watson more visibility and chart success than he had ever known. The album received a Grammy Award nomination.

In a 1994 interview with David Ritz for liner notes to The Funk Anthology, Watson was asked if his 1980 song "Telephone Bill" anticipated rap music. "Anticipated?" Watson replied. "I damn well invented it!... And I wasn't the only one. Talking rhyming lyrics to a groove is something you'd hear in the clubs everywhere from Macon to Memphis. Man, talking has always been the name of the game. When I sing, I'm talking in melody. When I play, I'm talking with my guitar. I may be talking trash, baby, but I'm talking".

In 1995, he was given a Pioneer Award from the Rhythm and Blues Foundation in a presentation and performance ceremony at the Hollywood Palladium. In February 1995, Watson was interviewed by Tomcat Mahoney for his Brooklyn, New York-based blues radio show The Other Half. Watson discussed at length his influences and those he had influenced, referencing Guitar Slim, Jimi Hendrix, Frank Zappa and Stevie Ray Vaughan. He made a special guest appearance on Bo Diddley's 1996 album A Man Amongst Men, playing vocoder on the track "I Can't Stand It" and singing on the track "Bo Diddley Is Crazy".

His music was sampled by Redman (who based his "Sooperman Luva" saga on Watson's "Superman Lover" song), Ice Cube, Eazy-E, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, Jay-Z, and Mary J. Blige. Snoop Dogg and Dr. Dre borrowed P-Funk's adaptation of Watson's catchphrase "Bow wow wow yippi-yo yippi-yay" for Snoop's hit Who Am I? (What's My Name?). Johnny also played the guitar on the G-Funk remix of Dr. Dre's Grammy award winning single Let Me Ride in 1993.

"Johnny was always aware of what was going on around him", recalled Susan Maier Watson (later to become the musician's wife) in an interview printed in the liner notes to the album The Very Best of Johnny 'Guitar' Watson. "He was proud that he could change with the times and not get stuck in the past".

Death and material loss

Watson died of a heart attack on May 17, 1996, collapsing on stage while on tour in Yokohama, Japan. His remains were brought home for interment at Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, California and buried in the Great Mausoleum, Sanctuary of Enduring Honor, Holly Terrace entrance.

On June 25, 2019, The New York Times Magazine listed Johnny "Guitar" Watson among hundreds of artists whose material was reportedly destroyed in the 2008 Universal fire.

Influence

Watson, a recognized master of the Fender Stratocaster guitar, has been compared to Jimi Hendrix and allegedly became irritated when asked about this comparison, supposedly stating: "I used to play the guitar standing on my hands. I had a 150-foot cord and I could get on top of the auditorium – those things Jimi Hendrix was doing, I started that shit."

Frank Zappa stated that "Watson's 1956 song 'Three Hours Past Midnight' inspired me to become a guitarist". Watson contributed to Zappa's albums One Size Fits All (1975), Them or Us (1984), Thing-Fish (1984) and Frank Zappa Meets the Mothers of Prevention (1985). Zappa also named "Three Hours Past Midnight" his favorite record in a 1979 interview.

Steve Miller not only did a cover of "Gangster of Love" on his 1968 album Sailor (substituting "Is your name "Stevie 'Guitar' Miller?" for the same line with Watson's name), he made a reference to it in his 1969 song "Space Cowboy" ("And you know that I'm a gangster of love") as well as in his 1973 hit song "The Joker" ("Some call me the gangster of love"). Miller had also borrowed the sobriquet for his own "The Gangster Is Back", on his 1971 album Rock Love.

Jimmie Vaughan, brother of Stevie Ray Vaughan, is quoted as saying: "When my brother Stevie and I were growing up in Dallas, we idolized very few guitarists. We were highly selective and highly critical. Johnny 'Guitar' Watson was at the top of the list, along with Freddie, Albert and B.B. King. Watson influenced Jimi Hendrix, Sly Stone, Etta James, and Stevie Ray Vaughan.

Bobby Womack said: "Music-wise, he (Watson) was the most dangerous gunslinger out there, even when others made a lot of noise in the charts ～　I'm thinking of Sly Stone or George Clinton".

Etta James stated, in an interview at the 2006 Rochester International Jazz Festival: "Johnny 'Guitar' Watson... Just one of my favorite singers of all time. I first met him when we were both on the road with Johnny Otis in the '50s, when I was a teenager. We traveled the country in a car together so I would hear him sing every night. His singing style was the one I took on when I was 17 – people used to call me the female Johnny 'Guitar' Watson and him the male Etta James... He knew what the blues was all about...".

James is also quoted as saying: "I got everything from Johnny... He was my main model... My whole ballad style comes from my imitating Johnny's style... He was the baddest and the best... Johnny Guitar Watson was not just a guitarist: the man was a master musician. He could call out charts; he could write a beautiful melody or a nasty groove at the drop of a hat; he could lay on the harmonies and he could come up with a whole sound." Pearl Jam recorded a song entitled "Johnny Guitar", about Watson, for their 2009 album Backspacer.

Watson's 1976 song "Superman Lover" features on the soundtrack of the video game Grand Theft Auto V.

[kpop-pick-me-up]

NCT OT21 profiles and background

It's a bit of a mess because it's mainly my notes and such, but I hope y'all enjoy and look forward to the story!

SM: one of the four main leading districts of mafias. They're made up of buisness men and political leaders who take money from mafias within their control and keeps quiet. Because they "bought" certain mafia groups after an incident in the early 2000s, they have final say in where and how the groups function. NCT and SM have a rocky relationship though. NCT doesn't believe important figures in Korea should be supporting mafias and everything they do, so they often lie and go on fake missions to appease them. In reality NCT as a whole is like the Robin hood of the mafias. Intercepting missions from other groups that affect civilians and innocents. They try to take down companies and people who use and mistreat people and society. So Taeyong's father's company, oil companies, other major cooperations, politicians, other mafia groups, and SM themselves.

WAYV:

A new specialized unit for Chinese affairs

NCT127: Based primarily in Seoul as an easy way to stay in the center of society and to keep an eye on other mafias. This unit handles most of the English Business with the US and Canada. Currently trying to make progress within European countries

NCT U:

Interchangeable mission specialized unit. Usually handles smaller missions in South korea, only occasionally leaves the country.

NCT DREAM: group of runaways who became mafia trainees. Mark got involved with the mafia first and then Haechan found out and tagged along. In this story they are already in training, however in the prequel it will start them off as runaways.

WAYV member profiles

Kun~

Rank and skills: underboss, combat, communications.

Description: trained under Taeyong for a while until SM created the WAYV unit. Became leader of WAYV. Is very collected and in control, much stricter than Taeyong but not mean. Very good in close and midrange combat, and oversees all deals and connections in Chinese affairs.

Win-win~

Rank and skills: Combat, second hand to WAYV boss, training.

Description: Win-win excels in all forms of combat. Long distance, mid range, and close hand to hand. He trained and worked the longest out of all WAYV members as he was apart of NCT 127 before SM placed him in WAYV. Trains new and pre existing members daily in combat and shooting ranges. Helps oversee combat tests and check ins with Johnny when he is staying in the base complex in South Korea. He may seem sweet, reserved and quiet, but is one of the most dangerous members when on their bad side. Can take down people twice his size in a matter of seconds. Is in a relationship with Yuta.

Ten:

Rank and skills: intelligence, smart with computers.

Description: Always stayed at home base as the eyes, ears and brains of the operations. Never left the bunker on a mission so he isn't a known member of the mafia. Has been a part of the mafia for quite some time and treats it like a day job. Is quite casual about it and seems to the naked eye to take his job lightly, but you'd be a fool to actually believe that. He is one of the best hackers in South Korea and can find any information he needs to find within the hour. With ways in and out of large corporations such as taeyong's father's security company and Doyoung's company he has unlimited access to anything he pleases. When not on missions he and other computer intelligence members just keep their eyes on their territories, making sure no one is causing trouble.

Xiojun~

Rank and skills: not an actual member but low-key is

Description: Goes to school with Hendery and helps on missions sometimes by covering for them and assisting them when they need somewhere to crash or hide after a mission. He knows about the mafia but chose himself not to be a part of it because he "doesn't want that life"......but he's always looking forward to the next time he can help and accepts almost too eagerly.

Hendery~

Rank and skills: New trainee, combat, communications intelligence- helps keep the groups communication with each other fluid and constant during missons.

Description: A new member to the mafia who got involved when he was doing I science project at a university involving radio waves, and was so good he accidentally intercepted transmission between two members on a long distance nearby drug deal. Newer to field work but trained well and has a solid base, and is a fast learner and quick on his feet. Works with Ten a lot since they're both newer to field work.

Yang Yang~

Rank and skills: undecided trainee

Description: Yang yang shows promise in many areas of the mafia. He is fluent in many languages so international affairs may be where he goes off to, but he is also good with computers and intelligence, and catches on to physical training quickly. A well rounded member that has yet to decide his place.

Lucas~

Rank and skills: COMBAT, security, spy.

Description: Lucas is young but loves what he does, even if he is a bit new to the job. He's quite hard to read and sporadic. He is very well trained in hand to hand combat and comes second to WinWin in it. He is another member that may take his work a little too lightly sometimes but when it comes down to it he is devoted and skilled. One of the few spys of NCT. Is an impeccable spy, Because he is so sporadic and versatile he can easily adapt to changes in surroundings and has naturally great social skills. Is one of the spies who can be places in both long and short term spy missions and keep up with all of his many aliases on a whim. One second he's _____, a online student studying sports, another he's a barista at a local starbucks as a boy with big dreams making his way up. Has a HUge crush on Jungwoo.

NCT 127/U/DREAM

Taeyong~

Rank and skills: leader

Description: is a great strong leader but not a dictator. Chooses others to make up a council when making decisions. Trusts others opinions. Quite a caring and loyal member, and Because of that he isn't afraid to kill if he must. Went into the buisness to spite his father's government security firm, with whom he works a day job at. This helps to ease suspicion from the government on some members, and gives insight to how close they are to catching mafia members. Is a very well rounded member and trained hard to be so.

Johnny:

Rank and skills: intelligence- sub unit weapons and supplies. Field work- background work to stay unnoticed, international affairs.

Description: creates, designs, and tests all their weapons and gear. Always styles field workers outfits and designs their new tools. Day job as an at home mechanic, dog walker, and pizza delivery boy. Currently taking courses in mechanics and clothing design. Mentors Mark and Jaemin on a regular basis.

Doyoung~

Rank and skills: domestic and international relations

Description: higher up in South Korean trading company, finds gateways and transmission routes for weapons, traded goods and drugs. Mainly at home work but if he goes out in the field he uses long distance preplaced weapons (explosives), can use a sniper but isn't the absolute best.

Yuta~

Rank and skills: intelligence: sub division- training and dectective work, sniper.

Description: works days job as police officer.

Often taken to border meetings, negotiations and other such jobs but as a "body guard" who is disguised. Sadly, she nce he works in the police department he can't be seen by rivals or else his cover is blown. Does negotiations and torture at the base house. It's notoriously known that those who see NCT's second hand interrogator don't live to tell the tale. Is the best with a sniper, is equal to WinWin. Teases him about it and often and asks him out on cheesy sniper practicing dates. He thinks it's cute and smooth but Lord help him, WinWin just goes with it because he loves him.

Jungwoo~

Rank and skills: Torture, communications and average combat.

Description: good with words, but low-key sadistic. Uses his bright charming atmosphere to decieve people and lure them into a false sense of security. Knows exactly how to manipulate a conversation to get the outcome he likes with internal and external factors depending on the human. Relys on Yuta, Taeil's observation skills to get the nitty gritty details about his targets.

Taeil~

Rank and skills: combat, observation, domestic relations

Description: as the oldest member he is well rounded in all subjects and knows his way around. He may seem a rather laissez-faire individual to those who don't know any better, but don't underestimate him. He's strong and good at what he does. He's good in hand to hand combat as well as close range weapons. Since he's been in this business for a while he knows his way around and has fine tuned his observe skills so that by the end of a single meeting he can learn a person's habits, body language, skills, and weaknesses just from watching them and putting them through little unnoticeable tests with factors he can control. I.e, how they react to slow internet, (tests their patience) do they play with their pen or are fidgety? (Usually means hand to hand combat or sniper, they either can't sit still and need to move and they fight the best like that, or being so in control in the moment a sniper is in their hands that its the only thing that grounds them) and so on so forth. Speaks for Doyoung or Yuta when they can't be seen during certain meetings.

Jaehyun~

Rank and skills: intelligence, spy.

Description: jaehyun is another well rounded member. However like Lucas, he works extremely well with people and has charms for days. He got involved with mafia way back when NCT first started when he was starting a new job at the city hall and overheard a conversation he shouldn't have. He is used as a chess piece in NCTs main goal. Jaehyun is slowly climbing the latter up the political system and is currently running to become a mayor/governor (idk what they have in SK but they got these now in this book lmao) and will eventually run for a higher position in the government.

Mark~

Rank and skills: new member, trains under Johnny, Taeyong, and Doyoung.

Description: Is newer to the mafia but almost has a designated rank as Johnny's right hand man, who works with international affairs and buisness. Goes on all sorts of missons to get accustomed to different situations and jobs, as Johnny and Taeyong hope to make all young new members well rounded, protected, strong and quick on their feet. Puts hard work I every job he's given even if it sometimes feels like it's too much.

Haechan~

Rank and skills: new member, trains under jungwoo, Taeil, Jaehyun, and Yuta.

Description: is a sly young member who shows great promise in communications. Works with older members to build a base in combat and to learn the ways of the best interrogators and communication ranks in the group. Is attached to Mark and other younger members as they are a close knit group.

Renjun~

Rank and skills: new member, trains under WinWin, and Ten.

Description: already has a natural talent in communications, but shines brightest when he's in the world of tech. Once his training is complete he will become a full time computer intelligence operative with Ten Johnny and Yuta.

Jeno~

Rank and skills: new member, trains under Taeil, Taeyong, Doyoung and WinWin.

Description: trains to be a field combat expert. Wants to know his way around both long distance and short range combat and ve the best he can be. Trains hard and never misses a lesson, this poor baby lives to help and pushes with all his might through the rigorous training.

Jaemin~

Rank and skills: new member, trains under Johnny.

Description: another member who will be based mainly at home. He wishes to keep some aspects of a normal life so he never does field work. Trains to be Johnny's right hand man when it comes to design, mechanics and tech. Loves to design new stuff and fix things (and to bug Jeno).

Chenle~

Rank and skills: new member, trains under Jaehyun, Yuta, Doyoung and WinWin

Description: wishes to become a master of long distance combat (explosives and snipers), and gain communications experience. Has many training sessions with Jisung, not that he's complaining.

Jisung~

Rank and skills: new member trains under Winwin, Ten, Taeyong, and Doyoung.

Description: is the youngest out of them all and still doesn't quite know where he wants to go and where his skills will be best placed. Currently just gets basic training in a bit of everything but shows promise in both tech and physical performance.

[kin-kendry]

A Kiss in the Dark Part 1

AO3 (Part 2 included)

“You ready for our set?” Dutch asked her twin as she entered the dressing room.

“Yes, I’m ready, Yala,” Aneela answered.

“Don’t call me that in front of the girls… Anyway, thanks again for helping us out. Clara busted her prosthetic, so she’s out of commission until Alice is fixed.”

“It’s alright, it’s fun to play something different every once in a while,” Aneela said, looking at her sister through the mirror’s reflection. “How do I look?”

She finished her makeup and turned around, showing off her outfit to her twin. Dutch always found it a novelty when her sister put on her clothes. She picked out a pair of ripped black jeans, a tattered cropped top, heeled boots, and various accessories. The only thing that wasn’t different to what Aneela usually wore was her dark makeup.

“You look exactly like me. Funny that,” Dutch laughed. “You look great, now come on. We’re on in five.”

The twins headed over to the stage where the rest of Un-Ladylike Lucy were waiting. Pawter was warming up her voice, while Zeph was on stage double checking their equipment. Yoki was chatting to her girlfriend Clara, who was wearing just a regular prosthetic rather than Alice.

“Alright fuckers, we good to go?” Dutch asked.

“Yeah, we’re ready,” Zeph came back and gave a thumbs up.

Everyone headed on stage which earned cheering from the raucous crowd in the Royale. Un-Ladylike Lucy was popular in the queer punk scene, and they often had gigs in various queer friendly spaces. Dutch took her place front and centre, Pawter stood behind the mic off to stage left, Aneela took the right side with her bass, Zeph situated herself behind her keyboard, and Yoki took a seat at her drum kit.

“Hello all you beautiful freaks! I hope you’re having a fucking fantastic night so far. It’s about to get a hell of a lot better. One, two, three, four!” Dutch yelled into the mic, and the band jumped right into their first song of the night.

Every time Aneela played with the band, it always surprised the other members at how well she seemed to adapt to their style of music. Aneela was a fairly well known classically trained musician and singer, mostly playing the violin, piano, and a mix of woodwind and brass instruments. So, seeing her play in a punk rock band was very off brand. While she had no formal training on bass guitar, it wasn’t that hard for her to pick up. She actually enjoyed playing it whenever she had the chance to experiment.

Aneela was always enamoured by the energy of the crowds at these gigs, how unrestrained and free everyone became. She liked being a part of that, liked to shed her more elegant, professional persona in favour of letting loose a little. She appreciated her sister’s enthusiasm and passion for this type of music.

By the end of the set, the crowd was deafening, all cheering and chanting. They made their way off stage and Clara was waiting with a big smile.

“You guys killed it!”

“Thanks, babe,” Yoki said as she walked over and kissed her girlfriend. “Although I missed flirting with you on stage.”

“Get a room,” Pawter laughed.

“Planning on it,” Clara flipped her friend off.

“Good stuff out there, as usual,” Dutch smiled at her sister.

“Yeah, it’s kinda trippy that you play bass too,” Zeph remarked.

“Well, once you learn one instrument, it’s pretty easy to pick up others,” Aneela shrugged.

“Not all of us went to university to study music, you know?” Clara rolled her eyes and smiled.

“Shut it, yeah? Let’s grab a drink. On me,” Dutch announced and herded her girls to the bar.

They crowded around the bar where their friend Pree was working. Clara and Yoki lit up when they saw their girlfriend Olli waiting for them.

“You came!”

“Of course I did, wouldn’t miss it for the world. Dutch, your sister is pretty killer on bass. Mind if I poached her for my band every once in a while?” Olli grinned.

“While I’d love to, I really only do this for Ya- I mean, Dutch,” Aneela smiled.

“Shame. If you ever change your mind you should hit me up.”

“We’re literally right here, Olli.”

“I swear I’m not flirting!”

“Anyway, enough of your little lover’s quarrel. Let’s get fucked up!” Dutch said as she leaned over the bar to greet Pree.

Moments later they all had shots in front of them. Aneela didn’t partake, and instead opted for a glass of red wine. While she enjoyed the music and the atmosphere, Aneela wasn’t a huge fan of the whole partying aspect. While the band was getting shit-faced and making fools of themselves, Aneela kept herself confined to the bar. 

She watched Dutch dance with anyone willing to give her the time of day. Zeph had been cornered by a rather intimidating goth, dominatrix type woman who was very intent on kissing her. Clara, Yoki, and Olli had snagged a booth and were all over each other. Pawter had found her boyfriend Johnny and was more focused on kissing him than worrying about the people jostling them from all sides.

Pree kept Aneela entertained for the better part of an hour before a stunning woman in a gorgeous purple dress took a seat at the bar not too far away from her. Her hair was pinned up in an elegant bun, with a couple of tendrils framing her face. Aneela was instantly drawn. She looked so out of place among the rest of the people in the bar. Her eyes tracked down the woman’s body, following the curves of her body and down her legs. She really liked the stilettos she wore, she could probably kill someone with those.

“If you’re going to stare you might as well buy me a drink,” The woman spoke, her head tilted slightly towards Aneela.

Their eyes locked and Aneela swore she could get lost in them. The pretty woman raised a brow at her admirer. Aneela smirked.

“Pree, give this lovely lady whatever she wants, on me,” Aneela didn’t break eye contact even as she moved to the seat next to the woman. “So, what brings you to this fine establishment?”

“Fine is a bit of a stretch,” The woman laughed and took a sip of the wine she ordered. “My cousin dragged me here after a family dinner. He and his boyfriend are in one of the bands playing tonight. This isn’t exactly my scene.”

“And what is your scene?”

“Something a little less damaging on the ears, for a start. I prefer music with a little more… Sophistication.”

“You don’t think punk is a sophisticated genre?” Aneela offered her own raised brow.

“It’s just noise and people banging on their instruments. I’d hardly call that sophisticated. Shit, you were in one of the bands, weren’t you? With your twin, right? I probably shouldn’t shit-talk your kind of music.”

“Go right ahead. I’m not that invested in the genre. I really only help my sister out when she’s down a member.”

“Well, I can’t deny that you do look good in those clothes,” The woman let her eyes roam over Aneela’s body, much like Aneela had done to her previously. “So, if punk isn’t your usual style, what is?”

“Oh, I dabble in a bit of everything, I suppose. Classical and jazz are what I went to university for.”

“Seriously? You went to university to study music?”

“Why is that so surprising? Just because I play in my sister’s band and dress like this on occasion?”

“I suppose I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, but I’m not quite convinced,” The woman took another sip of her wine.

Oh, she is fun, Aneela thought.

“You don’t believe me?” She asked, leaning in closer to her companion. “Maybe I could show you.”

“Mm, that sounds like a very tempting offer but I’m not that easy, sweetheart,” The woman smirked.

Every second Aneela spent with this woman, the more intrigued she was by her. She desperately wanted to know her, to indulge in her, and worship her. It had been a while since she felt like this, but this woman wouldn’t just be another one night stand. No, there was so much more to her that Aneela wanted to uncover.

“Are you sure? I have a rather pretty name you could be moaning later tonight,” Aneela reached out and traced her fingertips along the woman’s forearm resting on the bar.

The woman’s eyes slipped closed for a moment, relishing in the teasing contact. She moved her fingers up higher and higher, ghosting over her shoulder and grazing her neck. The woman leaned into Aneela’s touch which only made her smirk. She traced her jawline before using her finger to tilt the woman’s head towards her.

“Delle,” The woman finally spoke once she opened her eyes again. “My name is Delle.”

“My, what a pretty name for such a pretty woman,” Aneela’s quiet words were barely audible over the pounding music coming from the stage. “I’m Aneela.”

“Aneela,” The way her name rolled off Delle’s tongue made it sound so exotic. 

The pull between them was irresistible. They inched closer and closer until their lips were mere millimetres apart. Red lips met with black in a slow exchange, a gentle give and take. It left both women breathless by the time they parted, gazing into each others eyes.

“I think I’d like to take you up on that offer now,” Delle whispered, the soft puffs of breath caressing Aneela’s lips.

“It would be my pleasure.”

[thesportssoundoff]

“For Christmas I  Want....” What the UFC needs per division in 2020

Joey

December 10th

Right around now the majority of us are desperately chasing down gift ideas and huddling our cash together to try and budget it out for the people we care about evenly. In MMA, December means that for one month we spend 31 days pretending that everything's going to be fine in MMA. That the sins of 2019 are gone and won't re-emerge in 2020 and we are about to embark on another insane run like 2015 or 2016. MMA's changing, growing and expanding and shrinking and evolving and degrading all at once around us and so as we embark upon what should be a hectic 2020,  I wanted to take a light hearted approach at examining what 2020 will be. What would the UFC request that the MMA Gods give them in 2020? What are the divisions asking for on their Christmas lists? Let's run down what each division is secretly wishing for when we enter the next year of MMA stupidity.

Flyweight and Women's Featherweight- A bullet

Simply put, both of these divisions would probably be better suited if the UFC just put them out of their misery. 2019 started with a UFC flyweight roster rapidly approaching the single digits and a threat of TJ Dillashaw stepping in to kill the division outright. It ends with a roster of fighters still not too far off the single digits with a champion who seems disinterested in defending the title and clearly has the plans to move up to 135 lbs full time. The likelihood is that the flyweight division will get a title fight or two and then fade off into obscurity as there's no real prospects of note, Benavidez as champion has long lost any luster and the Cejudo good vibes are dead and buried. For women's featherweight, it was a golden carrot to get Cyborg to stop feuding with the organization that hired her. The Cyborg championship era lasted all of two fights and the Amanda Nunes run with the title is dead and/or bloated. Nunes having a token title defense vs Megan Anderson might appease some folks but there's been no development and no real sign of progress. Let these divisions go and let Bellator and Brave/ONE find stuff for them to do.

Men's Bantamweight- Some sizzle for this steak

The UFC's 135 lb division has been one of the more promising developments over the past few years. While it took a slight step backwards for me in 2019, I still think this division is among the best in MMA even if it ranks slightly behind 170 and 155 lbs. There's depth, new talent, a variety of names and faces and personalities and barring something unforseen 20120 figures to keep the pace overall. What it needs in 2020 is for this division to finally get an ROI on some big time names. Henry Cejudo is a promising potential draw at the lighter weight classes but I think he's still going to need help to reach the high end mark on his upside. That requires some names to step up and give him an assortment of fun new challenges. Dominick Cruz needs to get healthy because Cejudo vs Cruz verbally at least has some compelling appeal to it. Cody Garbrandt still has SOME name value and I think if he goes on a streak, we'll see an reset in terms of how fans view him. Jose Aldo and Urijah Faber need to find ways to win tough fights and maintain in the title picture because while I may not care for Cejudo/Aldo or Cejudo/Faber, there are fans who very clearly love these guys and would be absolutely up for seeing them try to capture the title from Cejudo. Guys like MArlon Moraes, Sean O'Malley and Petr Yan need to continue to develop new fanbases and keep up their stretch of exciting fights. This division has a lot of talent but it might need to get a bit greedy in search of some big money fights.

Featherweight- A definitive Max Holloway solution

The UFC spent most of 2018 having open discussions about whether or not Max Holloway was long for the 145 lb division. They talked a bunch about wanting him to move up due to intense weight cuts, saw him move up and then immediately bailed on the idea when he fought Dustin Poirier. My take is that Holloway is still probably destined for 155 lbs and one loss to Dustin Poirier (who is a naturally monstrous dude at 155 lbs) shouldn't deter them. If Max Holloway is hurting his long term health at 145 lbs but may be "too small" for 155 lbs then he'll just need to adapt to that and overcome that the same way Frankie Edgar has done for years. Figuring out what Holloway will be doing in 2020 will probably be aided by the Volkanovski fight but even if Alexander Volkanovski becomes the latest 145 lber to come up short vs Max Holloway, I'm still not convinced I need to see Max toiling at featherweight. As a bonus item or a stocking stuffer if ya will, it SURE would be nice to see the likes of Zabit, Yair Rodriguez, Shane Burgos and Calvin Kattar continue to clear out the 145 lbers who have been sort of lingering in the same spots since about 2016 or so.

Lightweight- For their stars to actually fight

Easy enough, right? The UFC's lightweight division revolves around three names; Conor McGregor, Khabib Nurmamegodov and Tony Ferguson. I'd almost argue that Tony Ferguson is a level behind Dustin Poirier drawing wise but I think at peak value, those three guys make this division hum and draw the big numbers. Not even playing the "these guys fight three times a year!" card, the UFC got two fights out of those three guys and one of those (Ferguson vs Cerrone) was a desperation heave at the last minute. If this division is going to go places then Khabib needs to fight more, Conor needs to stay out of trouble and Tony Ferguson needs to come close to resembling the pace he had in 2016 and 2017. Even accounting for Khabib taking time off for Ramadan, this division cannot exist with THIS much talent in it without more fights from those three guys. I guess you could even throw in Justin Gaethje who expects to sit out until the Tony vs Khabib fight happens. You can't have 4 of your top 5 guys not doing anything with so much talent to be tested up and down the rankings.

Welterweight- A break

The welterweight division is the world's dumbest MMA riddle. It sure seems to trumpet out a finish or a "What the fuck is happening?!" fight on a per show basis better than any other division out there. I mean off the top of my head you have Vicente Luque, Tim Means, Mike Perry, Elizeu Zaleski, Niko Price, Geoff Neal, Robbie Lawler, Jorge Masvidal, Santiago Ponzinibbio, Muslim Salikhov, Matt Brown and that doesn't even begin to account for some of the dudes I can't remember off the top of my head. This division is loaded with dudes who exist to hit each other in the head really hard over and over and over until somebody falls down. It's the world's cruelest division in terms of raw violence. Unfortunately at the top of the division, we've basically had the same 4-5 guys hogging up spots and they more often than not tend to bring us fights that fall on the wrong side of the entertainment scale. Even if you like Kamaru Usman, Leon Edwards, Tyron Woodley and Colby Covington, you have to admit you're probably exhausted by four dudes with similar styles and similarly cringy trash talk skills sucking up all the air and hype in this division. The UFC could really use a break from these folks in 2020. If Edwards/Woodley and Usman/Covington go off without a hitch, it'd be nice for us to get somebody new and fun in there just to allow us all the chance to mentally reset. Maybe that's Jorge Masvidal even!

Middleweight- More Israel Adesanya

The UFC has been very fortunate with the health of its breakout star of sorts. Since coming to the UFC at the start of 2018, Israel Adesanya has fought four times one year and three times the next. He's been busy and consistent and either healthy or healthy enough to always make the walk. With some much instability around him, the UFC really needs Adesanya to continue to take fights throughout 2020. If the goal is to do Adesanya vs Jones then he needs to have AT LEAST two fights prior to this (say March and July of 2020) against top competition. Yoel Romero is seemingly going to be one of those guys and you'd assume a healthy Paulo Costa is the other. The goal should be to keep Adesanya busy because you won't have his freshness and ability to fight consistently forever.

Light heavyweight- A genuine Jones challenger

I feel like it speaks to the pain of 205 lbs that Jon Jones' two title fights were against former 185 lbers who had casually beaten the shit out of the guys who once held pole positions in the division without much challenge. 2019 was a weird year for the division as it felt old, stagnant and perhaps worst of all directionless. If you honestly asked the UFC, I'd bet they'd say privately that the biggest disappointment of 2019 revolved around the fact that the fighters they probably expected to move up and provide fresh challenges all failed. Chris Weidman was smoked by Dom Reyes, Jan Blachowicz retired Luke Rockhold, Jacare Souza's 2019 was abysmal and his LHW debut left nobody impressed while Yoel Romero and Anderson Silva stayed home at 185 lbs. If one was to remove Dominick Reyes from the conversation, the next in line would be two guys who have pretty much failed historically when given a major step up (Jan Blachowicz is not too far removed from a four fight losing streak and Corey Anderson has been KO'd by the likes of Gian Villante and Jimi Manuwa) while the likes of Nikita Krylov, Misha Cirkunov, Khalil Rountree and that one polish dude (Michal Oluwalewalebangbang) all sort of did nothing. Even prized prospect Johnny Walker had a topsy turvy 2019 punctuated by getting smelted by Corey Anderson. The UFC needs to end 2020 with one of two things set in stone; 1) A genuine challenge for Jon Jones or 2) an understanding that Jon will be leaving the division for good and the UFC will finally have to invest resources into rebuilding this morbid division.

Heavyweight- More of the same, baby.

Seriously. This division is A-ok. You got a bunch of new dudes beating the shit out of each other, every year 2-3 new doughy guys show up and make a bit of an impact, a new HW to get giddy about from Brazil or Europe or Russia every few months and the likes of Alistair Overeem, Derrick Lewis, Stefan Struve and Andrei Arlovski to tie this shit all together. Let's keep HW happy and dumb, right? The only complaint could be had in every division really; have your champs fighting more.

Women's Strawweight- ALSO more of the same

Seriously this division has really become one of the best in MMA full stop. It still has the well earned reputation of being a decision division but if one wants to be honest, the depth at the top of this place is UNREAL good. Joanna, Zhang, Andrade, Namajunas, Suarez and Ansaroff on their own merits are as strong a top six as any division can offer. Throw in a healthy mix of ladies like Alexa Grasso, Claudia Gadelha, Randa Markos, Carla Esparza, Cynthia Calvillo and Marina Rodriguez and you've got great depth below that. Even if there isn't an influx of exciting fun new names (I think Virna Jirandoba and Brianna Van Buren are really the only two new debutants worth really getting excited over), there's plenty of talent o be had here. This is MMA's most unpredictable division so keep giving us wacky madness then.

Women's Flyweight- An identity

I guess you could sum up a division by its champion and clearly Valentina Shevchenko is the perfect face for this division. She's really talented, sometimes compelling as a fighter but you can't name anything about her besides "She killed Jessica Eye and she has a bullet tattoo!" At this point, what could you say about the women's flyweight division? What's their identity? What makes the women's flyweight division unique? Is it not just a grab bag of fighters too small for 135 lbs, too big for 115 lbs and prospects who are still trying to cut their teeth throughout the division? Women's flyweight fights just feel like they exist, adding nothing but always appearing on shows. What's the key to figuring out this division? They need an identity that gets fans to better understand it.

Women's Bantamweight- Depth beyond Amanda Nunes

I think there's a really good chance that barring the emergence of some faces, this division will not see a woman on the same level of Amanda Nunes, GDR and Holly Holm. What this division needs is depth because Holly Holm is one foot out the door and GDR has already retired once already. Just sign a bunch of ladies!

[angelofberlin2000]

Photo: Emily Denniston/Vulture and photos courtesy of the studios 

Keanu Reeves has been a movie star for more than 30 years, but it seems like only recently that journalists and critics have come to acknowledge the significance of his onscreen achievements. He’s had hits throughout his career, ranging from teen comedies (Bill & Ted’s) to action franchises (The Matrix, John Wick), yet a large part of the press has always treated these successes as bizarre anomalies. And that’s because we as a society have never  been able to understand fully what Reeves does that makes his films so special.

In part, this disconnect is the lingering cultural memory of Reeves as Theodore Logan. No matter if he’s in Speed or Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Something’s Gotta Give, he still possesses the fresh-faced openness that was forever personified by Ted’s favorite expression: “Whoa!” That wide-eyed exclamation has been Reeves’s official trademark ever since, and its eternal adolescent naïveté has kept him from being properly judged on the merits of his work.

Some of that critical reassessment has been provided, quite eloquently, by Vulture’s own Angelica Jade Bastién, who has argued for Reeves’s greatness as an action star and his importance to The Matrix (and 21st-century blockbusters in general). Two of her observations are worth quoting in full, and they both have to do with how he has reshaped big-screen machismo. In 2017, she wrote, “What makes Reeves different from other action stars is this vulnerable, open relationship with the camera — it adds a through-line of loneliness that shapes all his greatest action-movie characters, from naïve hotshots like Johnny Utah to exuberant ‘chosen ones’ like Neo to weathered professionals like John Wick.” In the same piece, Bastién noted: “By and large, Hollywood action heroes revere a troubling brand of American masculinity that leaves no room for displays of authentic emotion. Throughout Reeves’s career, he has shied away from this. His characters are often led into new worlds by women of far greater skill and experience … There is a sincerity he brings to his characters that make them human, even when their prowess makes them seem nearly supernatural.”

In other words, the femininity of his beauty — not to mention his slightly odd cadence when delivering dialogue, as if he’s an alien still learning how Earthlings speak — has made him seem bizarre to audiences who have come to expect their leading men to act and carry themselves in a particular way. Critics have had a difficult time taking him seriously because it was never quite clear if what he was doing — or what was seemingly “missing” from his acting approach — was intentional or a failing.

This is not to say that Reeves hasn’t made mistakes. While putting together this ranking of his every film role, we noticed that there was an alarmingly copious number of duds — either because he chose bad material or the filmmakers didn’t quite know what to do with him. But as we prepare for the release of the third John Wick installment, it’s clear that his many memorable performances weren’t all just flukes. From Dangerous Liaisons to Man of Tai Chi — or River’s Edge to Knock Knock — he’s been on a journey to grow as an actor while not losing that elemental intimacy he has with the viewer. Below, we revisit those performances, from worst to best.

   45. Johnny Mnemonic (1995)

The nadir of the ’90s cyberpunk genre, and a movie so bad, with Reeves so stranded, that it’s actually a bit of a surprise the Wachowskis were able to forget about it and still cast him as Neo. Dumber than a box of rocks, it’s a movie about technology and the internet — based on a William Gibson story! — that seems to have been made by people who had never turned on a computer before. Seriously, watch this shit:

44. The Watcher (2000) This movie exists in many ways because of its stunt casting: James Spader as a dogged detective and Keanu as the serial killer obsessed with him. Wait, shouldn’t those roles be switched? Get it? There would come a time in his career when Keanu could have maybe handled this character, but here, still with his floppy Ted Logan hair, he just looks ridiculous. The hackneyed screenplay does him no favors, either. Disturbingly, Reeves claims that he was forced to do this movie because his assistant forged his signature on a contract. He received the fifth of his seven Razzie nominations for this film. (He has yet to win and hasn’t been nominated in 17 years. In fact, it’s another sign of how lame the Razzies are that he got a “Redeemer” award in 2015, as if he needed to “redeem” anything to those people.)

43. Sweet November (2001) It’s a testament to how cloying and clunky Sweet November is that its two leads (Reeves and Charlize Theron) are, today, the pinnacle of action-movie cool — thanks to the same filmmaker, Atomic Blonde and John Wick’s David Leitch — yet so inert and waxen here. This is a career low point for both actors, preying on their weak spots. Watching it now, you can see there’s an undeniable discomfort on their faces: If being a movie star means doing junk like this, what’s the point? They’d eventually figure it all out.

42. Chain Reaction (1996) As far as premises for thrillers go, this isn’t the worst idea: A team of scientists are wiped out — with their murder pinned on poor Keanu — because they’ve figured out how to transform water into fuel. (Hey, Science, it has been 23 years. Why haven’t you solved this yet?) Sadly, this turns into a by-the-numbers chase flick with Reeves as Richard Kimble, trying to prove his innocence while on the run. He hadn’t quite figured out how to give a project like this much oomph yet, so it just mostly lies around, making you wish you were watching The Fugitive instead.

41. 47 Ronin (2013) In 2013, Reeves made his directorial debut with a Hong Kong–style action film. We’ll get into that one later, because it’s a ton better than this jumbled mess, a mishmash of fantasy and swordplay that mostly just gives viewers a headache. Also: This has to be the worst wig of Keanu’s career, yes?

40. Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (1993)

Gus Van Sant’s famously terrible adaptation of Tom Robbins’s novel never gets the tone even close to right, and all sorts of amazing actors are stranded and flailing around. Reeves gets some of the worst of it: Why cast one of the most famously chill actors on the planet and have him keep hyperventilating?

39. Replicas (2019) In the wake of John Wick’s success, Keanu has had the opportunity to sleepwalk through some lesser sci-fi actioners, and this one is particularly sleepy. The idea of a neuroscientist (Reeves) who tries to clone his family after they die in an accident could have been a Pet Sematary update, but the movie insists on an Evil Corporation plot that we’ve seen a million times before. John Wick has allowed Reeves to cash more random checks than he might have ten years ago. Here’s one of them.

38. Feeling Minnesota (1996) As far as we know, the only movie taken directly from a Soundgarden lyric — unless we’re missing a superhero named “Spoonman” — is this pseudo-romantic comedy that attempts to be cut from the Tarantino cloth but ends up making you think everyone onscreen desperately needs a haircut and a shave. Reeves can tap into that slacker vibe if asked to, but he requires much better material than this.

37. Little Buddha (1994)

To state the obvious, it would not fly today for Keanu Reeves to play Prince Siddhartha, a monk who would become the Buddha. But questions of cultural appropriation aside, you can understand what drew The Last Emperor director Bernardo Bertolucci to cast this supremely placid man as an iconic noble figure. Unfortunately, Little Buddha never rises above a well-meaning, simplistic depiction of the roots of a worldwide religion, and the effects have aged even more poorly. Nonetheless, Reeves is quite accomplished at being very still.

36. Much Ado About Nothing (1993) Quick anecdote: We saw this Kenneth Branagh adaptation of the Bard during its original theatrical run, and when Reeves’s villainous Don John came onscreen and declared, “I am not of many words,” the audience clapped sarcastically. That memory stuck because it encapsulates viewers’ inability in the early ’90s to see him as anything other than a dim SoCal kid. Unfortunately, his performance in Much Ado About Nothing doesn’t do much to prove his haters wrong. As an actor, he simply didn’t have the gravitas yet to pull off this fiendish role, and so this version is more radiant and alive when he’s not onscreen. It is probably just as well his character doesn’t have many words.

35. Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1992) GIFs are a cheap way to critique a performance. After all, acting is a complicated, arduous discipline that shouldn’t be reduced to easy laughs drawn from a few seconds of film played on a loop. Then again …

This really does sum up Reeves’s unsubstantial performance as Jonathan Harker, whose new client is definitely up to no good. Bram Stoker’s Dracula is a wonder of old-school special effects and operatic passion — and it is also a movie in which Reeves seems wholly ill at ease, never quite latching onto the story’s macabre period vibe. We suspect if he could revisit this role now, he’d be far more commanding and engaged. But in 1992, he was still too much Ted and not enough anything else. And Reeves knew it: A couple years later, when asked to name his most difficult role to that point, he said, “My failure in Dracula. Totally. Completely. The accent wasn’t that bad, though.” Well …

34. The Neon Demon (2016)

One of the perks of being a superstar is that you can sometimes just phone in an amusing cameo in some bizarro art-house offering. How else to explain Reeves’s appearance in this stylish, empty, increasingly surreal psychological thriller from Drive director Nicolas Winding Refn? He plays Hank, a scumbag motel manager whose main job is to add some local color to this portrait of the cutthroat L.A. fashion scene. If you’ve been waiting to hear Keanu deliver skeezy lines like “Why, did she send you out for tampons, too?!” and “Real Lolita shit … real Lolita shit,” The Neon Demon is the film for you. He’s barely in it, and we wouldn’t blame him if he doesn’t even remember it.

33. The Lake House (2006) Reeves reunites with his Speed co-star for a movie that features a lot fewer out-of-control buses. In The Lake House, Sandra Bullock plays a doctor who owns a lake house with the strangest magical power: She can send and receive letters from the house’s owner from two years prior, a dashing architect (Reeves). This American remake of the South Korean drama Il Mare is romantic goo that’s relatively easy to resist, and its ruminations on fate, love, destiny, and luck are all pretty standard for the genre. As for those hoping to enjoy the actors’ rekindled chemistry, spoiler alert: They’re not onscreen that much together.

32. Henry’s Crime (2011) You have to be careful not to cast Reeves as too passive a character; he’s so naturally calm that if he just sits and reacts to everything, and never steps up, your movie never really gets going. That’s the case in this heist movie about an innocent man (Reeves) who goes to jail for a crime he didn’t commit and then plans a scam with an inmate he meets there (James Caan). The movie wants to be a little quirkier than it is, and Reeves never quite snaps to. The film just idles on the runway.

31. The Bad Batch (2017) Following her acclaimed A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night, filmmaker Ana Lily Amirpour plops us in the middle of a desert hellscape in which a young woman (Suki Waterhouse) must battle to stay alive. The Bad Batch is less accomplished than A Girl, in large part because style outpaces substance — it’s a movie in which clever flourishes and indulgent choices rule all. Look no further than Reeves’s performance as the Dream, a cult leader who oversees the only semblance of civilization in this post-apocalyptic world. It’s less a character than an attitude, and Reeves struggles to make the shtick fly. He’s too goofy a villain for us to really feel the full measure of his monstrousness.

30. Hardball (2001)

Reeves isn’t the first guy you’d think of to head up a Bad News Bears–style inspirational sports movie, and he doesn’t pull it off, playing a gambler who becomes the coach of an inner-city baseball team and learns to love, or something. It’s as straightforward and predictable an underdog sports movie as you’ll find, and it serves as a reminder that Reeves’s specific set of skills can’t be applied to just any old generic leading-man role. The best part about the film? A 14-year-old Michael B. Jordan.

29. Street Kings (2008) Filmmaker David Ayer has made smart, tough L.A. thrillers like Training Day (which he wrote) and End of Watch (which he wrote and directed). Unfortunately, this effort with Reeves never stops being a mélange of cop-drama clichés, casting the actor as Ludlow, an LAPD detective who’s starting to lose his moral compass. This requires Reeves to be a hard-ass, which never feels particularly convincing. Street Kings is bland, forgettable pulp — Reeves doesn’t enliven it, getting buried along with the rest of a fine ensemble that includes Forest Whitaker, Hugh Laurie, and a pre-Captain America Chris Evans.

28. Constantine (2005) In post-Matrix mode, Reeves tries to launch another franchise in a DC Comics adaptation about a man who can see spirits on Earth and is doomed to atone for a suicide attempt by straddling the divide twixt Heaven and Hell. That’s not the worst idea, and at times Constantine looks terrific, but the movie doesn’t have enough wit or charm to play with Reeves’s persona the way the Wachowskis did.

27. The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008) Reeves’s alienlike beauty and off-kilter line readings made him an obvious choice to play Klaatu, an extraterrestrial who assumes human form when he arrives on our planet. This remake of the 1950s sci-fi classic doesn’t have a particularly urgent reason to exist — its pro-environment message is timely but awkwardly fashioned atop an action-blockbuster template — and the actor alone can’t make this Day particularly memorable. Still, there are signs of the confident post-Matrix star he had become, which would be rewarded in a few years with John Wick.

26. Knock Knock (2015) Reeves flirts with Michael Douglas territory in this Eli Roth erotic thriller that’s not especially good but is interesting as an acting exercise. He plays Evan, a contented family man with the house to himself while his wife and kids are out of town. Conveniently, two beautiful young strangers (Ana de Armas, Lorenza Izzo) come by late one stormy night, inviting themselves in and quickly seducing him. Is this his wildest sexual fantasy come to life? Or something far more ominous? It’s fun to watch Reeves be a basic married suburban dude who slowly realizes that he’s entered Hell, but Knock Knock’s knowing trashiness only takes this cautionary tale so far.

25. The Devil’s Advocate (1997)

Very few people bought tickets in 1997 for The Devil’s Advocate to see Keanu Reeves: Hotshot Attorney. Obviously, this horror thriller’s chief appeal was witnessing Al Pacino go over the top as Satan himself, who just so happens to be a New York lawyer. Nonetheless, it’s Reeves’s Kevin Lomax who’s actually the film’s main character; recently moved to Manhattan with his wife (Reeves’s future Sweet November co-star, Charlize Theron), he’s the new hire at a prestigious law firm who only later learns what nefarious motives have brought him there. Reeves is forced to play the wunderkind who gets in over his head, and it’s not entirely convincing — and that goes double for his southern accent.

24. The Prince of Pennsylvania (1988) “You are like some stray dog I never should have fed.” That’s how Rupert’s older hippie pal, Carla (Amy Madigan), affectionately refers to him, and because this teen dropout is played by Keanu Reeves, you understand what she means. In this forgotten early chapter in Reeves’s career, Rupert and Carla decide to ditch their going-nowhere Rust Belt existence by taking his dad (Fred Ward) hostage and collecting a handsome ransom. The Prince of Pennsylvania is a thoroughly contrived and mediocre comedy, featuring Reeves with an incredibly unfortunate haircut. (Squint and he looks like the front man for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.) Still, you can see signs of the soulfulness and vulnerability he’d later harness in better projects. He’s very much a big puppy looking for a home.

23. The Last Time I Committed Suicide (1997) Every hip young ’90s actor had to get his Jack Kerouac on at some point, so it would seem churlish to deny Reeves his opportunity. He plays the best pal/drinking buddy of Thomas Jane’s Neal Cassady, and he looks like he’s enjoying doing the Kerouac pose. Other actors have done so more indulgently. And even though he’s heavier than he’s ever been in a movie, he looks great.

22. A Walk in the Clouds (1995) Keanu isn’t quite as bad in this as it seemed at the time. He’s miscast as a tortured war veteran who finds love by posing as the husband of a pregnant woman, but he doesn’t overdo it either: If someone’s not right for a part, you’d rather them not push it, and Keanu doesn’t. Plus, come on, this movie looks fantastic: Who doesn’t want to hang around these vineyards? Not necessarily worth a rewatch, but not the disaster many consider it.

21. The Replacements (2000) The other movie where Keanu Reeves plays a former quarterback, The Replacements is an adequate Sunday-afternoon-on-cable sports comedy. He plays Shane, the stereotypical next-big-thing whose career capsized after a disastrous bowl game — but fear not, because he’s going to get a second chance at gridiron glory once the pros go on strike and the greedy owners decide to hire scabs to replace them. Reeves has never been particularly great at playing regular guys — his talent is that he seems different, more special, than you or me — but he ably portrays a good man who’s had to live with disappointment. The Replacements pushes all the predictable buttons, but Reeves makes it a little more enjoyable than it would be otherwise.

20. Tune in Tomorrow (1990) A very minor but sporadically charming bauble about a radio soap-opera scriptwriter (Peter Falk) who begins chronicling an affair between a woman (Barbara Hershey) and her not-related-by-blood nephew on his show — and ultimately begins manipulating it. Tune in Tomorrow is light and silly and harmless, and Reeves shows up on time to set and looks extremely eager to impress. He blends into the background quietly, which is probably enough.

19. I Love You to Death (1990)

This Lawrence Kasdan comedy — the first film after an incredible four-picture run of Body Heat, The Big Chill, Silverado, and The Accidental Tourist — is mostly forgotten today, and for good reason: It’s a farce that mostly features actors screaming at each other and calling it “comedy.” But Reeves hits the right notes as a stoned hit man, and it’s amusing just to watch him share the screen with partner William Hurt. This could have been the world’s strangest comedy team!

18. Youngblood (1986)

This Rob Lowe hockey comedy is … well, a Rob Lowe hockey comedy, but we had to include it because a 21-year-old Reeves plays a dim-bulb, good-hearted hockey player with a French Canadian accent that’s so incredible that you really just have to see it. Imagine if this were the only role Keanu Reeves ever had? It’s sort of amazing. “AH-NEE-MAL!”

17. Destination Wedding (2018) An oddly curdled comedy about two wedding guests (Reeves and Winona Ryder) who have terrible attitudes about everything but end up bonding over their universal disdain for the planet and everyone on it. That sounds like a chore to watch, and at times it is, but the pairing of Reeves and Ryder has enough nostalgic Gen-X spark to it that you go along with them anyway. With almost any other actors you might run screaming away, but somehow, in spite of everything, you find them both likable.

16. Thumbsucker (2005)

The first film from 20th Century Women and Beginners’ Mike Mills, this mild but clever coming-of-age comedy adaptation of a Walter Kirn novel has Mills’s trademark good cheer and emotional honesty. Reeves plays the eponymous thumbsucker’s dentist — it’s funny to see Keanu play someone named “Dr. Perry Lyman” — who has the exact right attitude about both orthodontics and life. It’s a lived-in, funny performance, and a sign that Keanu, with the right director, could be a more than capable supporting character actor.

15. Something’s Gotta Give (2003) This Nancy Meyers romantic comedy was well timed in Reeves’s career. A month after the final Matrix film hit theaters, Something’s Gotta Give arrived, offering us a very different Keanu — not the intense, sci-fi action hero but rather a charming, low-key love interest who’s just the supporting player. He plays Julian Mercer, a doctor administering to shameless womanizer Harry Sanborn (Jack Nicholson), who’s dating a much younger woman (Amanda Peet), who just so happens to be the daughter of a celebrated playwright, Erica (Diane Keaton). We know who will eventually end up with whom in Something’s Gotta Give, but Reeves proves to be a great romantic foil, wooing Erica with a grown-up sexiness the actor didn’t possess in his younger years. We’re still not sure Meyers got the ending right: Erica should have stuck with him instead of Harry.

14. Man of Tai Chi (2013) This is the only movie that Reeves has directed, and what does it tell us about him? Well, it tells us he has watched a ton of Hong Kong action movies and always wanted to make one himself. And it’s pretty good! It’s technically proficient, it has a straightforward narrative, it has some excellent long-take action sequences (as we see in John Wick, Keanu isn’t a quick-cut guy; he likes to show his work), and it has a perfectly decent Keanu performance. We wouldn’t call him a visionary director by any stretch of the imagination. But we’d watch another one of these, definitely.

13. Dangerous Liaisons (1988)

Le Chevalier Raphael Danceny is merely a pawn in a cruel game being played by Marquise de Merteuil and Vicomte de Valmont, and so it makes some sense that the young man who played him, Keanu Reeves, is himself a little outclassed by the actors around him. This Oscar-winning drama is led by Glenn Close and John Malkovich, who have the wit and bite to give this 18th-century tale of thwarted love and bruised pride some real zest. By comparison, Danceny is practically a boy, unschooled in the art of manipulation, and Reeves provides the character with the appropriate youthful naïveté. He’s not a standout in Dangerous Liaisons, but he acquits himself well — especially near the end, when his blade fells Valmont, leaving him as one of the unlikely survivors in the film’s ruthless battle.

12. The Private Lives of Pippa Lee (2009) In this incredible showcase for Robin Wright, who plays a woman navigating a constrictive, difficult life with more grace and intelligence than anyone realizes, Reeves shows up late in a role that he’s played before: the younger guy who’s the perfect fit for an older woman figuring herself out. He hits the right notes and never overstays his welcome. As a romantic lead, less is more for Reeves.

11. Parenthood (1989) If you were an uptight suburban dad, like Steve Martin is in Ron Howard’s ensemble comedy, your nightmare would be that your beloved daughter gets involved with a doofus like Tod. Nicely played by Keanu Reeves, the character is the embodiment of every slacker screwup who’s going to just stumble through life, knocking over everything and everyone in his path. But as it turns out, he’s a lot kinder and mature than at first glance. Released six months after Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Parenthood showed mainstream audiences a more grown-up Reeves, and he’s enormously appealing — never more so than when advising a young kid that it’s okay to masturbate: “I told him that’s what little dudes do.”

10. Permanent Record (1988) A very lovely and sad movie that’s nearly forgotten today, Permanent Record, directed by novelist Marisa Silver, features Reeves as the best friend of a teenager who commits suicide and, along with the rest of their friends, has to pick up the pieces. For all of Reeves’s trademark reserve, there is very little restraint here: His character is devastated, and Reeves, impressively, hits every note of that grief convincingly. You see this guy and you understand why everyone wanted to make him a star. This is a very different Reeves from now, but it’s not necessarily a worse one.

9. Point Break (1991)

Just as Reeves’s reputation has grown over time, so too has the reputation of this loopy, philosophical crime thriller. Do people love Point Break ironically now, enjoying its over-the-top depiction of men seeking a spiritual connection with the world around them? Or do they genuinely appreciate the seriousness that director Kathryn Bigelow brought to her study of lonely souls looking for that next big rush — whether through surfing or robbing banks? The power of Reeves’s performance is that it works both ways. If you want to snicker at his melodramatic turn, fine — but if you want to marvel at the rapport his Johnny Utah forms with Patrick Swayze (Bodhi), who only feels alive when he’s living life to the extreme, then Point Break has room for you on the bandwagon.

8. Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure (1989) and Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey (1991) Before there was Beavis and Butt-Head, before there was Wayne and Garth, there were these guys: two Valley bozos who loved to shred and goof off. As Theodore Logan, Keanu Reeves found the perfect vessel for his serene silliness, playing well off Alex Winter’s equally clueless Bill. But note that Bill and Ted aren’t jerks — watch Excellent Adventure now and you’ll be struck by how incredibly sunny its humor is. Later in his career, Reeves would show off a darker, more brooding side, but here in Excellent Adventure (and its less-great sequel Bogus Journey) he makes blissful stupidity endearing.

7. The Gift (2000) This Sam Raimi film, with a Billy Bob Thornton script inspired by his mother, fizzled at the box office, despite a top-shelf cast: It’s probably not even the first film called The Gift you think of when we bring it up. But, gotta say, Reeves is outstanding in it, playing an abusive husband and all-around sonuvabitch who, nevertheless, might be unfairly accused of murder, a fact only a psychic (Cate Blanchett) understands. Reeves is full-on trailer trash here, but he brings something new and unexpected to it: a sort of bewildered malevolence, as if he’s moved by forces outside of his control. More of this, please.

6. My Own Private Idaho (1991)

Gus Van Sant’s landmark drama is chiefly remembered for River Phoenix’s nakedly anguished performance as Mike, a spiritually adrift gay hustler. (Phoenix’s death two years after My Own Private Idaho’s release only makes the portrayal more heartbreaking.) But his performance doesn’t work without a doubles partner, which is where Reeves comes in. Playing Scott, a fellow hustler and Mike’s best friend, Reeves adeptly encapsulates the mind-set of a young man content to just float through life. Unlike Mike, he knows he has a fat inheritance in his future — and also unlike Mike, he’s not gay, unable to share his buddy’s romantic feelings. Phoenix deservedly earned most of the accolades, but Reeves is terrific as an unobtainable object of affection — inviting, enticing, but also unknowable.

5. Speed (1994)

Years later, we still contend that Speed is a stupid idea for a movie that, despite all logic (or maybe because of the utter insanity of its premise), ended up being a total hoot. What’s clear is that the film simply couldn’t have worked if Reeves hadn’t approached the story with straight-faced sincerity: His L.A. cop Jack Traven is a ramrod-serious lawman who is going to do whatever it takes to save those bus passengers. Part of the pleasure of Speed is how it constantly juxtaposes the life-or-death stakes with the high-concept inanity — Stay above 50 mph or the bus will explode! — and that internal tension is expressed wonderfully by Reeves, who invests so intently in the ludicrousness that the movie is equally thrilling and knowingly goofy. And it goes without saying that he has dynamite chemistry with Sandra Bullock. Strictly speaking, you probably shouldn’t flirt this much when you’re sitting on top of a bomb — but it’s awfully appealing when they get their happy ending.

4. River’s Edge (1987) This film’s casting director said she cast Reeves as one of the dead-end kids who learn about a murder and do nothing “because of the way he held his body … his shoes were untied, and what he was wearing looked like a young person growing into being a man.” This was very much who the early Reeves was, and River’s Edge might be his darkest film. His vacancy here is not Zen cool … it’s just vacant, intellectually, ethically, morally, emotionally. Only in that void could Reeves be this terrifying. This is definitely a performance, but it never feels like acting. His magnetism was almost mystical.

3. John Wick (2014), John Wick: Chapter Two (2017), and John Wick: Chapter 3 — Parabellum (2019)

If they hadn’t killed his dog, none of this would have happened. Firmly part of the “middle-aged movie stars playing mournful badasses” subgenre that’s sprung up since Taken, the John Wick saga provides Reeves with an opportunity to be stripped-down but not serene. He’s a lethal assassin who swore to his dead wife that he’d put down his arms — but, lucky for us, he reneges on that promise after he’s pushed too far. Whereas in his previous hits there was something detached about Reeves, here’s he locked in in such a way that it’s both delightful and a little unnerving. The 2014 original was gleefully over-the-top already, and the sequels have only amped up the spectacle, but his genuine fury and weariness felt new, exciting, a revelation. Turns out Keanu Reeves is frighteningly convincing as a guy who can kill many, many people.

2. A Scanner Darkly (2006)

In hindsight, it seems odd that Keanu Reeves and Richard Linklater have only worked together once — their laid-back vibes would seemingly make them well suited for one another. But it makes sense that the one film they’ve made together is this Philip K. Dick adaptation, which utilizes interpolated rotoscoping to tell the story of a drug cop (Reeves) who’s hiding his own addiction while living in a nightmarish police state. That wavy, floating style of animation nicely complements A Scanner Darkly’s sense of jittery paranoia, but it also deftly mimics Reeves’s performance, which seems to be drifting along on its own wavelength. If in the Matrix films, he manages to defeat the dark forces, in this film they’re too powerful, leading to a pretty mournful finale.

1. The Matrix (1999), The Matrix Reloaded (2003), and The Matrix Revolutions (2003)

“They had written something that I had never seen, but in a way, something that I’d always hoped for — as an actor, as a fan of science fiction.” That’s how Reeves described the sensation of reading the screenplay for The Matrix, which had been dreamed up by two up-and-coming filmmakers, Lana and Lilly Wachowski. Five years after Speed, he found his next great project, which would become the defining role of his career. Neo is the missing link between Ted’s Zen-like stillness and John Wick’s lethal efficiency, giving us a hero’s journey for the 21st century that took from Luke Skywalker and anime with equal aplomb. Never before had the actor been such a formidable onscreen presence — deadly serious but still loose and limber. Even when the sequels succumbed to philosophical ramblings and overblown CGI, Reeves commanded the frame. We always knew that he seemed like a cool, left-of-center guy. The Matrix films gave him an opportunity to flex those muscles in a true blockbuster.

[closetofanxiety]

50 Wrestling Questions: Why Not

Remember this? It’s been a while. Let’s do this again. Let’s twist again like we did last summer. Or the summer of 2017 in this case.

1. What got you into wrestling?

People ask me this all the time, and I don’t really have a good answer. I’ve liked it on and off since I was very young, and who knows why you like the stuff you like when you’re a little kid? 

2. What is your favorite wrestling promotion?

Of all time: ECW, even though I would probably think of it very differently if it were happening today. Currently: Beyond Wrestling. 

3. Favorite male wrestler of all time?

Gorgeous George, but if we’re talking about people who were alive when I was alive, Dusty Rhodes. I want to say Bruiser Brody, but in my heart I would know I was just saying that to look cool. 

4. Favorite female wrestler of all time?

Gail Kim. For the longest time, she was the only woman in a major global wrestling company who got over based on her wrestling ability. She was doing stuff in TNA that was years ahead of its time, and could adapt her style to get great matches with a variety of opponents with very different backgrounds. And she can still go, as she showed in the match against Tessa Blanchard the other night. I know it would be cooler to say Bull Nakano or Chigusa Nagayo or something, but I don’t know enough of their stuff to make that claim credible. I am who I am, a person who goes to the mall to buy shoes. 

5. Favorite current male wrestler?

Nick Gage

6. Favorite current female wrestler?

Momo Watanabe 

7. Favorite theme song?

Joey Janela’s music captures his vibe perfectly, and sounds great being blasted out of PA speakers inside a small bar or VFW hall. Of all time, probably, I don’t know, Honky Tonk Man? In an ironic way that slowly becomes sincere?

8. Least favorite theme song?

Ricochet’s WWE theme music is pretty dreadful. 

9. Favorite gimmick?

Currently: Orange Cassidy. All time: Road Warriors maybe? They were almost 100 percent gimmick, and they were the biggest tag team in the world at a great time for tag team wrestling. 

10. Least favorite gimmick?

All the racist and gay-hating gimmicks that have been used throughout the years are more or less equally horrible. If we’re talking about a terrible gimmick that was non-malignant, I’d say it was taking giant indestructible ass-kicker Mike Awesome and making him “That 70s Guy.” 

11. Best entrance (either their usual entrance or a special one, like a Wrestlemania entrance)?

Gorgeous George had the best entrance of all time, and it’s been copied ever since (Ric Flair’s entrance is basically Gorgeous George’s, scored with a different piece of classical music). The Sandman also had a great entrance. He was kind of all-entrance, now that I think of it. I also love those old shows in Japan where Brody would come out to “Immigrant Song” running through the crowd, swinging a fucking chain over his head like a lunatic. An entrance that makes you fear for your life: mission accomplished. 

12. Best Undertaker Wrestlemania match?

I am not the right person to ask for Undertaker superlatives, but the Lesnar match had a legitimately shocking conclusion that I still appreciate 

13. Most overrated?

I’m tempted to incur the wrath of the online by making a contrarian hot take selection like Ken Omega, but in reality it’s probably the Undertaker. 

14. Most underrated?

There are a million choices from before the 1980s, the Before Time of contemporary pro wrestling. Edouard Carpentier, say; he was having matches in 1970 that would not look out of place in 2019. Since the 1980s, I’d say Jerry Lynn is a very strong contender for most underrated. The popular choice would be Sid or Lex Luger, but I think they’re pretty much rated exactly as they should be. 

15. Have you ever been to an event? If so, which one?

I certainly have been to many pro wrestling events. I go to one or two a month. Like a lot of things, wrestling is pretty much always fun in person. It helps that the Northeast has a ton of good companies within easy driving distance. My favorite show of all time might be Americanrana 2016. 

16. Who has the best merch?

We’re in a weird period where people on Instagram are making better shirt designs (in insanely limited editions) than the vast majority of wrestlers or wrestling companies. I will say that Kris Wolf has yet to make an ugly or boring piece of merchandise, which is a huge complication in this day and age. 

17. Do you own any merch?

Nope! Wait, I mean, “yes, entirely too much.” Shirts, 8 x 10s, DVDs, magazines, random pieces like fancy enamel badges and a stack of Okada bucks. The one thing I’ve never gotten into is action figures, and that’s probably good for the ol’ bank balance. 

18. Best nickname?

"The American Dream” Dusty Rhodes is an all-time classic. 

19. Worst nickname?

"The Game” is a dumb nickname. “The Cerebral Assassin” is also a dumb nickname. Are assassins supposed to be stupid? I bet they’re typically very smart, although of low moral character. “Triple H” is his only good nickname, and even that sounds like the nickname of a guy who owns a car dealership out by the highway.

20. Best mic skills?

Nobody was ever better than Bobby Heenan, who had incredible range and versatility. He could do comedy and he could do menace. He could do calm and he could do spitting rage. He had an uncanny sense of timing and was quicker on his feet than almost anyone. No one really comes close at matching his astonishing depth, but Dusty Rhodes was an all-time great promo. He really made you care about wrestling matches, which is not an easy thing to do.

21. Most annoying?

I mean, it has to be Vince McMahon. 

22. Most attractive male?

Is Tanahashi too obvious a choice? Best hair in wrestling. It’s incredible and luxurious, like an untamed mountain stream. Andrade “Cien” Almas or whatever they’ve shortened his name to (”And”) is a handsome man. Killer Kross: very handsome. We live in a golden age of attractive wrestlers. Just look back at the gassed-up Zubaz mastodons of the 1980s, or the territories-era guys who all looked like they were 48 years old and had pot bellies. You almost have to try to find unattractive wrestlers. Nick Gage, for instance. But I’m sure even he has his swooning admirers. 

23. Most attractive female?

Again, what a time for attractive wrestlers. It may be shallow, but wrestling is a business that’s at least partially cosmetic. Attractive people sell tickets. I would, and have, bought a ticket to see Hana Kimura. 

24. Favorite faction?

Of all time? Probably the Barry Windham-era Four Horsemen. More recently, Team Pazuzu. 

25. Worst faction?

BULLET CLUB. No, it’s not the Bullet Club, as exhausted as they’ve become. It’s probably the nWo after early 1998 or so, when they had like 60 members and dragged down every storyline. 

26. Best ring gear?

Su Yung and Pentagon Jr. 

27. Who do you think would be the nicest in real life?

I bet Jerry Lynn is a good guy to know. People in wrestling universally praise Little Guido, which is very rare. The Young Bucks seem like they might be decent dudes. Willow Nightingale told a story on a podcast about Nick Gage excitedly playing with Solo Darling’s dog backstage, so you never know. 

28. Who would be the rudest in real life?

On the indie level, it’s probably someone who doesn’t work very much. Above the indie level, I bet some of those British guys are secretly horrible, like Jimmy Havoc. 

29. Favorite heel?

Currently it’s a tie between MJF and Alisha Edwards, two of the only people who can regularly get indie crowds to boo them. Of all time, heel Flair was hard to beat. 

30. Most hardcore?

It’s definitely either a guy in Japan or a guy in Mexico, and he’s definitely been burned by explosive charges multiple times. Onita? It’s probably Onita. Or Jun Kasai? I think Onita has probably been exploded more times than Jun Kasai. 

31. A wrestler you could beat?

At wrestling? Not a single one of them. Nicholas, the small boy who won the WWE tag team championship with Braun Strowman, would wipe the floor with me. Even the most callow bodybuilder-turned-wrestler would not break a sweat beating me senseless. But writing talking points for senior administration officials in preparation for legislative testimony? Now you’re on my turf. Not so tough now, huh, Nicholas? 

32. Best story line?

Freebirds vs. Von Erichs or Stone Cold vs. Vince. My heart says the former, my head says the latter. 

33. Biggest missed opportunity for a story line?

The WWE blowing the invasion angle after purchasing WCW is the obvious one. More recently, they blew it by not turning Reigns heel. 

34. Worst story line?

Ha, so many of them. Impossible to choose just one. At least most of the dumb embarrassing Russo ones in WCW and TNA were basically harmless, like the time Samoa Joe got kidnapped by ninjas. The Chuck and Billy wedding thing was far worse. A low point even by Vince’s impressively cretinous standards.

35. Which wrestler should turn heel?

I’d like to see a Jordynne Grace heel run in Impact. Heel Finn Balor would also be good. 

36. Which wrestler should turn face?

Samoa Joe has a good fiery babyface, “I’m tired of doing your dirty work, McMahon!” run in him. 

37. Who would be the worst to room with?

Can you imagine sharing a living space with Enzo Amore? Or the thicket of twee Disney merchandise you’d have to negotiate every day if you lived with Johnny Gargano?

38. Who would be the best to room with?

I bet Eddie Edwards would be a surprisingly thoughtful roommate, like he’d always do the dishes “because I love doing them!,” that kind of thing. I have nothing to base this suspicion on, he just seems like my old roommate, Shane, who was like that. 

39. Who would be your best friend if you were a wrestler?

I’d like to say Jushin Thunder Liger, and posit that we would go on exciting adventures, but the answer is probably something like “Comp Time” Terry Dandridge, who wrestles monthly for 2Xtreme All-Pro Wrestling Alliance out of Euphoria, Kansas and has a 9 to 5 as a hardware store manager. 

40. What would your job be in a wrestling promotion?

I’d normally make a self-effacing joke here, but I do social media training at my real job, and so many wrestlers are badly in need of help in this area. 

41. Favorite wrestling podcast/Youtube channel?

I like AIW’s “The Card is Going to Change” podcast a lot, and there’s one by the owners of RevPro that’s pretty good. It’s hard to find a well-produced wrestling podcast that talks about independent wrestling. My favorite wrestling YouTube channel is OSW Review. 

42. Favorite finisher?

BURNING HAMMER

43. Least favorite finisher?

The Bayley-to-belly suplex. HOW IS THIS A FINISHING MOVE

44. Favorite match?

Kerry Von Erich vs. Jerry Lawler at Superclash III. It was a bloody, weird, engrossing spectacle, and it was the symbolic end of the territories era. 

45. Favorite PPV?

Royal Rumble is the last PPV my casual fan friends reliably want to see, and with good reason: it’s engrossing.

46. Guilty pleasure wrestler?

Big Banter Baron Corbin, but I feel no guilt here. He rules. 

47. Favorite submission?

THE KATA HA JIME, otherwise known as the Tazmission.

48. Most entertaining to watch?

All time? Randy Savage. Currently? Io Shirai. 

49. Best spot?

Anyone spitting mist into the unsuspecting eyes of their foes

50. Who do you most respect?

I respect you, booker man.

[vcg73]

Witch!Kurt #37: The Joining

This chapter is annoyingly short considering how much time and effort it took.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Sensing that the couple was ready to begin, Lord Tubbington’s narrowed green eyes scanned the gathered crowd for a moment, then he said, “Center, Triangle, Hexagon, Octagon. Perfect, but I think we’re gonna need more room.” Without another word, he transformed into his feline shape and strolled away to inspect the position of all the recently shifted furniture. He hopped up onto the back of one chair and mentally ‘shouted’, “McGee, front and center!”

 Johnny separated himself from his conversation with Monica and Adam’s sister, Celeste, and went to join the Familiar. They conversed quietly for a few seconds. Then Johnny nodded and went to get something out of the kitchen.

 “What are they doing?” Kurt asked his fiancé, a confused frown stealing over his features when Johnny triumphantly returned to Tubbington’s side holding a cloth grocery sack. “What was all that nonsense about geometry?”

 Adam smiled. “Not nonsense, just preparation. Like any bit of witchcraft, a Joining employs a certain degree of ritual. And, as you know, certain shapes are better at concentrating power and preventing any accidental run-off. We wouldn’t want to be responsible for half the building’s residents temporarily falling in love with one another, would we?”

 Kurt laughed.  “I suppose that would cause some problems.”

 “Indeed, and we’ll need the best concentration of power for the second part of today’s purpose as well, so everyone will simply step back into formation at that time, give or take a bit of re-positioning. If it were only the two of us and our Officiant here today, we would simply form a triangle,” Adam explained, “but since there are nearly twenty people present, we’ll stand in the center and they will form specific patterns around us. Sort of layer the effect of the ward.  I suppose that would require a bit more room than what we ... Oh, very nice!” he interrupted himself as Johnny spoke the incantation for space saving over the little bag, and Tubbington began reducing and transporting each piece of furniture inside of it with casual sweeps of his paw.

 “I didn’t know he could do that,” Kurt said, eyes and mouth going wide.

 Adam shook his head. “Neither did I, but I suppose it does go along with a cat’s ability to vanish into spaces that seem too small for any living thing.”

 “I guess, but couldn’t he have told us he could do that before we spent two hours pushing and shoving three hundred pounds of furniture around the room?” Kurt sighed, rubbing a hand over his still sore left shoulder. Due to the no-magic clause during the day and night leading up to this event, they had been forced to move everything by hand and he had forgotten just how heavy their comfortable but very solid sofa was.  

 An amused chuckle broke free. “I doubt it ever occurred to him. If we’d wanted him to help us, we’d have just asked him. But we didn’t, so it wasn’t his affair.”

 “Cat logic,” Kurt said ruefully. “Oh, well. At least it will be easy to put everything back where it belongs later. I can just dump out the bag and whisk everything back where it belongs.  So, is there a specific order everybody needs to be in for the octangle-whatever ritual?”

 “You and I will be the center, and I’m certain we’ll have the three Familiars forming the first layer, our triangle,” Adam said thoughtfully. “Then likely our fathers, my siblings, and Gran will form the next, as there are six of them. That leaves Carole, Monica, Johnny, Santana, Dani, Brittany, Sam, and Mercedes as the outermost layer. This would be sensible, as it would include a majority of our coven, who can sort of insulate Carole and the two Standards. Your step-mum has power, but she’s still the least experienced witch amongst us. Plus I would imagine she’ll want to keep close to Sam.”

 Kurt bit his lip. “I get that, but my dad is a Standard too. Should we really put him in the middle?”

 Adam laid a hand on his back, massaging it comfortingly. “He’ll be just fine. After all, the two of you share blood.”

 At Kurt’s questioning look, he said, “Though your magic comes from your mum, you still share half your DNA with Burt. Plus he’s been exposed to your powers for a long while, even before they properly manifest. Remember the accidental spell-casting when he was ill?”

 Kurt nodded, thinking back on those weeks of daily good-luck rituals he had done while waiting on his father’s final oncology result.

 “Well, just as your mother used to infuse her garden with magic, making for lush and healthy plant life year round, I suspect you did much the same for your dad.  Since he’s a person, not a plant, of course his body will have adapted itself differently. The human body is quite an amazing instrument and the part of Burt that is mirrored in you most likely recognized the magic and accepted it as an unusually potent sort of medication. A transfusion, if you will.  So your magical signature is now present, though inert, in his blood. Just as his genetic signature has always been a part of yours.”

 “That’s wild,” Kurt said, looking over at his dad with new eyes. He had wondered ever since he first learned that he might have somehow influenced the cancer remission, how such a thing was possible. “So it’s not like magic has somehow made him immune to getting sick, but since he was already responding well, I just helped things along?”

 Adam nodded. “I’m reasonably certain that’s how it worked. Possessing magic doesn’t make us immortal, my darling, as we both know from losing our mums so early in life, but the level of power and our particular blend of Talents does increase the odds of our living a good long while. You may very well see me doddering about one day with a face-full of wrinkles and a white fringe of hair ‘round my ears. A cane in one hand and an ear trumpet the size of a gramophone in the other.”

 Smacking him playfully on his laughter-quivering belly, Kurt said, “Even if all of that is true, I promise I’ll love you anyway. But just so you know, I fully expect all of my vigorous skin-care rituals to pay off and leave me flawlessly unblemished, even when I’m old.  And I’ll take after my mom’s father and have a gorgeous head of full white hair by the time I’m a senior citizen. However, I should warn you that geriatric tooth loss does run in that side of my family, so be prepared. I may need you to mash up my food for me.”

 “Noted. I’ll miss your lovely smile, of course, but a toothless husband could have certain advantages.”

 Adam hitched his eyebrows with such a saucy gleam in his blue eyes that it made Kurt burst out laughing. “And this is why I love you.”

 Ignoring whatever was causing his two charges to giggle like naughty schoolboys, Lord Tubbington shifted back into human form and rejoined them. He lifted his hands overhead, clapping them loudly together and signaling the others to gather around.

 Elliott approached the couple, clearly curious to know what had caused them to have such bright eyes and pink cheeks, but he confined himself to the task at hand, just whispering, “Tell me later,” before flashing a warm smile and steering them to the center of the now much roomier loft. “Kurt, you stand here and face east.  Adam, you’re across from him, facing west.”  

 When he was satisfied with their placement, Elliott nodded to Sebastian and they each took a box of pillar candles and placed them carefully around the floor, directing each of the guests on where to stand. When everybody was in place, they were exactly where Adam had predicted, with one candle between every two people, including one in the center spot between Kurt and Adam.  

 The six blood relatives stood roughly six feet back from the couple, positioned into a hexagon, while the other eight friends formed an octagonal shape a few feet beyond them. Johnny and Sam stood across from one another, with Brittany and Santana flanking Mercedes, and Dani and Monica doing the same for Carole.

 “Everyone, please join hands,” Tubbington ordered.

 The Familiars moved to rejoin the couple, Elliott standing behind and slightly to the left of Kurt, Sebastian across from him to Adam’s right, while Tubbington took his place on the other side, standing above and to the center of the couple so that the three Familiars formed a triangle.

 Lord Tubbington looked at the faces of the two young grooms, a rare smile settling over his round face.

“Friends and family,” he began. “We have come together today to see these two Joined. Before we begin, let us ground this circle. Visualize positive energy for Kurt and Adam, and as you light your candle, please speak a simple blessing.”

 He produced a slim taper from somewhere inside the flowing kimono-style robe he had worn as Officiant and handed it to Adam, then nodded to Kurt who touched one finger to the wick and willed a small flame to ignite. Adam lit the candle that stood on the floor between them, then passed it back to Tubbington.

 “Good health,” Tubbington said as he lit the candle to his right before passing it to Sebastian.

 A twinkle sparked in the second Familiar’s green eyes as he glanced between them and said, “Sexual Attraction.”

 He passed the taper to Elliott, who grinned and added, “Spiritual Harmony.”

 Burt took Elliott’s candle, lit his own, and said in a gruff voice, “Trust.” His eyes met Kurt’s, love and apology reflected in them both.

 “Determination,” chose Henry, looking at his eldest with tender eyes, clearly remembering how far Adam had come since they were first reunited. His gaze slid to Kurt with a world of gratitude and affection in it. “Though I think my new son-in-law may already have that one cornered.”

 Adam’s siblings, Celeste, Bethany, and Donald, chose Patience, Understanding, and Happiness.

 “Common Sense,” June said decisively. “Trust me, it’s rarer than you think. Marriage does not live by love alone, and this isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. You’ll both have careers to think about as well as coven business. Don’t let your relationship get lost in the shuffle.”

 She passed the taper back to Santana, who simply said, “Teamwork.”

 Adam and Kurt both recognized the unspoken commitment she was making in that one word. Santana had learned the lesson better than most people their age, about the joy and satisfaction that could be found in a couple or group that truly worked together, and the kind of agony that could be caused by everyone being only in the game for selfish reasons.

 Santana shoved the taper at Sam so suddenly it nearly lit his nose on fire. He bobbled the waxen object for a moment, then bent down to hurriedly light his candle. “Um, I’m pretty sure you both got this one covered, but I’ll say Generosity.”

 “And I’ll go with Good Instincts,” said Dani, lighting her candle and offering them a wink. “Because those definitely haven’t steered you wrong so far.”

 Mercedes pondered for a couple of seconds, thinking over her response, then she looked Kurt right in the eye and said, “Not that you ever needed anyone else to give you this, but my blessing to you is Courage”.

 Kurt swallowed and gave her a nod. Mercedes was only friend here who knew just what that word had meant in his former relationship, and how it had been twisted against him. For her to say it now was a fresh commitment to being on his side when he needed her.

 “Friendship,” said Monica simply, smiling at the surrounding faces. “So you don’t forget the steps that ultimately led you to this moment.”

 Johnny grinned as she passed the candle his way. “Rhythm!  Blame it on the drummer in me, but I wish you guys the ability to always listen to the beat, even when you get mad and go a little off key together.”

 This wish produced laughter and nods of agreement from all of those who had shared committed relationships.

 Brittany’s choice of, “Fertility!” caused a moment of pause within the group, until she chirped, “For your brains. So you’ll always have lots of good ideas to keep your relationship, and your acting, and your recipes inspired.”

 Amused and slightly relieved by the clarification, Kurt and Adam both thanked her.

 “I guess that just leaves me,” Carole said, looking around at the bright young faces and a few older ones. “And since neither of your mothers could be here with you to share this day, I’ll make this one kind of a group blessing. Caring for another person above yourself will take you farther and push you harder than any force on earth.  So on behalf of myself and both of your mothers, I wish you Love.”

 Kurt blew her a kiss and Adam nodded gratefully as Carole lit the final candle and blew out the taper, passing it back up to Lord Tubbington, who made it vanish as suddenly as it had appeared.

 “The circle has been cast upon this sacred space,” Tubbington continued, “And we will consecrate the rings within it.  Elliott?”

 Elliott came forward and pulled a thin silver ring, with a solid upper and lower half joined by a braid of delicate knot-work, out of his pocket. The exchanging of rings was as symbolic to a Joining as it was to an actual wedding, and as such neither had bothered with an engagement ring, knowing they would each be wearing two when this day was complete. 

Taking Kurt’s hand, Elliott enclosed the silver ring between their palms and said, “The circle is an infinite shape. Magical and never-ending.  May this ring stand as a symbol of your commitment to Adam, complete and infinite, without boundary or restriction.”

 Lord Tubbington nodded to Adam’s brother, who pulled a matching knot-work ring from his jacket and stepped forward to lay his hand palm-down over Adam’s. His voice was shy but audible in the quiet room as he said, “The circle goes on, no beginning and no conclusion. May this ring stand as a symbol of your commitment to Kurt, complete and infinite, without boundary or restriction.”

 Both ‘best men’ nodded to the couple and gave a slight, awkward on Donnie’s part, graceful on Elliott’s, bow to the Officiant before moving back to their places. Though his part in the ritual had been small, the sixteen-year-old looked hugely relieved to have it successfully completed. Henry reached over and placed a hand on his youngest’s neck, giving him a supportive squeeze.

 Tubbington continued, “Like the circle represented here today by this company, and in these rings, love is infinite. It protects and guards, yet it must also be allowed to grow and flourish, undamaged by force or ultimatum. A symbol of trust and protection. When two people entrust one another with this gift, they are blessed beyond imagining. Today we celebrate Kurt and Adam. Two people who are two halves of one whole, joined together by love and by choice, hearts united to a single beat.”

 He held up both hands in a gesture of benediction.

 “May this couple be Joined with the gifts of the east, a new beginning for each day with the rising of the sun, a promise of renewed commitment to one another, and the sharing of their love with those who stand within their light.  

“May this couple be Joined with the gifts of the south, the heat of passion, and the warmth of a loving and welcoming home. 

“May this couple be Joined with the gifts of the west, may your life be filled with joy and excitement, clarity of vision, and commitment to yourselves and each other.  

“May this couple be Joined with the gifts of the north, a solid foundation on which to build your lives, and the stability you each find in the bolstering love of your partner. So shall it be.”

 The rest of the company repeated the words. “So shall it be.”

 “Kurt, please place your ring on Adam’s finger.  Do you, Kurt Hummel, promise to give Adam your honor and fidelity, to share laughter and joy, to support him in times of happiness and times of trouble, to dream and hope, and spend each day sharing your love for as long as the sun rises and sets?”

 “I do,” he said, placing his ring on Adam’s finger with slightly shaking hands.

 “Adam, please place your ring on Kurt’s finger. Do you, Adam Crawford, promise to give Kurt your honor and fidelity, to share laughter and joy, to support him in times of happiness and times of trouble, to dream and hope, and spend each day sharing your love for as long as the sun rises and sets?”

 “I do,” he said, the pure happiness in his voice ringing through the room.

 Tubbington nodded to Kurt.  “Please speak now the vows you have prepared.”

 “Adam, when I met you, you blew me away with your open enthusiasm, your love of life, and your willingness to take a chance on something new. I was vulnerable, uncertain, and afraid to take that chance with you, but I wanted to so much that I couldn’t help myself. You were patient with me, leading me forward but never pushing for more than I could give. You were kind to me, at a time when I had all but forgotten what true kindness and care could be like. You were honest with me, and you made me want to be honest with myself.  

 “You were funny, and giving, and so very loving that I found myself opening up parts of myself that I had firmly closed away, believing that nobody would ever want to see them. You allowed me to like myself, and be happy with who I was again. You healed the wounds I feared would never mend, and you didn’t shy away from the scars they left behind. Everything about you made me want to be the best version of myself, so that I could have more to give back to you. I fell so deeply in love with you that even when you were ripped out of my life, and hidden from my heart, I still couldn’t let you go.

“Adam, you are my joy, the keeper of my heart, and my partner in all things. I admire you more than I have words to express, and I love you with everything that I am. Thank you for never giving up.”

 “Now, how am I to follow that?” Adam asked, laughing and dashing at his eyes. He smiled tenderly at Kurt. “Kurt, I’ve been trying for days to narrow down all of the things I wanted to say to you and about you, but I don’t think there’s a soul here who doesn’t recognize your strength, your passion, your dedication to others, and your immensely loving heart. You tell me that I saved you with my enthusiasm and willingness to take a chance, but you saved me too, long before you ventured into the Void with a barely developed gift of magic to bring me home.

 “I told you the first time we met that you’d taken my breath away with your talent. That was absolutely true, but I was so much more impressed by the sweet and generous soul behind that beautiful face and voice once we’d met. I watched you give of yourself, holding your head high and offering a helping hand to anyone who needed it. You defended me and my friends, never caring what doing so might cost you in social status, simply because it was the right thing to do. 

“You refused to ever take the low road, even when it would have made an easier journey through life. You were funny, and proud, and so staunchly unbowed by even the harshest setback that it made me feel ashamed to give the world less than my best. You had no idea you were setting an example, or that you were making me fall deeper in love with you every day, but you were. Even when there was a very good chance I would never make it back to you, I could not give up on trying, because I knew that you never would. You protected me, you loved me, and you kept a part of me safe against all odds.

 “Kurt, I love you. You are the other half of my heart, and I pledge myself, body and soul; to love you, appreciate you, and protect you until our final breath.”

 Lord Tubbington cleared his throat dramatically.  

 “Adam, Kurt, please join hands.”  He produced a scarf made of delicate white silk and wrapped it expertly, binding them together, then placed his own hands over theirs. “Standard and Witch; Friends and Family; Those joined in Magic; Those joined in Heart. May our blessings bring joy and fulfillment to this couple as they move forward together in mind, body, and power. Within this circle, in the sight of this company, by the blessings of High Magic and the promise of shared love and devotion, let these two be forever Joined. So shall it be.”

 “So shall it be!” repeated the rest of the group, whooping with joy and breaking into applause as the couple leaned in without prompting and kissed.

 Candles were extinguished, bound hands were released, and the two grooms were surrounded by a laughing, chattering, hugging crush of loved ones.

 Once they were released, Adam and Kurt laughed and hugged each other joyously before sharing another kiss. Though they still had the formality of signing a few papers and going through a short ceremony at the county courthouse later, they were in all the ways that mattered, husbands.

 They stood around, chatting with their friends and going over their favorite parts of the ceremony for a while, until a significant throat-clearing from Sebastian reminded them that there was one more ritual to complete before their Joining was official.

 The Familiars distracted those people closest to the couple, allowing them a chance to slip away in as much privacy as could be allowed in such a crowded space. Once the privacy curtain was closed behind them, Elliott drew a square with his fingers and then drew a zipper symbol across his lips. He paused to listen for a few seconds, then Sebastian high-fived him. The newlyweds might as well have been in a different building for all anyone could hear, and no one could disturb them until they were ready to rejoin the party.

 Sebastian offered his sometime-lover a glass of celebratory champagne. As they clinked glasses, he chuckled. “Let the games begin.”

 THE END

[alexanderessex3dstoryart]

Character Design - Mood Board Imagery Analysis

Working off some of the feedback Jon gave me as well as looking at the primary research folders, I thought I would help complete them by filing them up with relevant mood boards that I’ve still not covered yet in my research until now. 

This art deco mood board is very heavily inspired by the story that I’ve set out for my characters as it’s all to do with celebrity culture and the impact it has on us. A lot of promotional material promoting these idols are scattered literally everywhere in the city from top to bottom which is what makes the prop for my Hyde character all the more convenient. This is due because of the absolute scale of signage scattered everywhere which is why Hyde’s first instinct is to grab a really old sign post and start using it as weapon to defend himself. On the sign itself would be a colourfull art deco design to express the happiness and joy that these idols portray which is such a contrast when it’s attached to one of the deadliest things to roam the streets of my city. 

My major source of influence for the art deco mood board was the animated TV show ‘My Life as a Teenage Robot’ since the whole show is set in this art style. Being a huge fan of it show, a lot of the really cool art deco designs you see on in the mood board are all title cards before the animation begin which in themselves perfectly capture what kind of sequence your in for. Going back to the design aspect, the image on the very right of the mood board is proabley my favorite out of all the designs due to how patriotic it looks which would work really well with my themes.

After the art deco research, I went back to looking at my Jekyll character and looked at humanistic faces as well as real life virtual reality headsets as I now imagine him to always be glued with a headset on like it’s become a accustomed to his body. Whilst this covers a lot of eye research, it’s here just in case I end up not liking he headset idea anymore for Jekyll as a backup plan in images. But for the time being, I love how large and boxy these headsets are as I’ve always imagined if it would be possible to still see the real world yourself if you had a headset glue to your head.

Adding onto the research of eyes and faces for the Jekyll character, I also looked at some digital depictions of some of his previous wear he had like a welding mask. I think in terms of development with that character, I’m very much beyond the welding mask for usage on the character but still reference it especially for the virtual reality headset since they’re both masks you put on. However, I really love the cyberpunk girl that has colored lighting in her virtual reality googles as it really sets the tone of a cyberpunk looking film. 

Now coming back to the Hyde character again, the below mood board looks at his eyes but in a much different way you wouldn't expect. This is because this mood board looks at the aura that my Hyde character gives off when he transforms into the horrific beast. This green energy emits form my Jekyll character's body signifying that he’s about to transform into someone completely different. 

My main source of inspiration was between the northern lights and a specific Yu-Gi-Oh’ archetype called ‘Psy-frames’. These electronic monsters use green electricity to zip around the board like they’re the lighting itself and go into powerful monsters like dragons and harder machines to deal with. I feel this electricity could be coursing through Hyde’s veins to the point where you see little flickers of electricity every now and again. When he gets angry however is when he fully loses it and green lighting and smoke snortles out of his skeletal deer mask as the lighting starts to spar everywhere. 

On the opposite side of the spectrum, this mood board looks at the realistic depiction of the Hyde character's eyes as I imagine them to be these giant light bulbs and caps that you would see on a car. The only twist with these eyes is that they would be in green and luminescent just like the ones in the mood board above . As you can tell from this mood board, I’ve also included these really interesting robotic heads that I found. The reasoning for including them in this mood board was how wide their eyes were and how they see to have that same kind of headlights for eyes look which I really adore. Thinking it back to the Hyde character, I could imagine those style of eyes poking out of the skull and having mechanical parts flow all across the skull  making it all the more hyper-realistic

In terms of looking at how the Hyde character would be built body wise, his body structure is filled to the brim from junk you find at a junkyard like scrap metal and parts lying around to the actual earth itself that come to him tor create this mixture of different elements. However in terms of this mood board, it looks purely at the scrapyard aesthetic and what might you expect to see their. One part oft the final design would be to have old light bulbs and drink bootless decorated across Hyde’s shoulders along with broken pipes that are wonky looking to the eye. In addition, I would love pieces of car to be plastered onto him like the bonet of a car or a car door handle. 

Coming back to the Jekyll character, the bionic arm to him is probably the most important section of the character to me as it’s what makes him really stand out amongst the crowd and treated as a professional by his local peers. Through this mood board, there’s a lot of different digital prosthetic arms on offer her but I think continuing on from the post on ‘Cyberpunk 2077′, I’m really attached to the look of Johnny Silverhand’s silver Bionic Arm but much thicker adaptation like the bionic arm from ‘Bionic Commander in the bottom right hand side of the mood board. Although to be fair, I think every bionic arm here that I've chosen all serve a great influence to me as I've never made something like this for a character before let alone in CG. Because of this, the wide range of mechanical arms here is going to be really useful when it comes to modelling the characters out in Blender and Maya from how intricate the details are and I feel each arm here, provides an interesting material that will asst my modelling process.

The final bionic style of arm I looked aware real life bionic arms and hands being used today with arm disabilities. I find all these designs so fascinating to me as they all unique in design that specifically cater to the user making each prosthetic special. In terms for my character, the singular finger digits on these prosthetic arms and hands look the exact way I envision the fingers to look as they look technical and gentle at the same time from how thin they are despite being really strong. the gentle feature of them works well with the kind of role my Jekyll character is being an engineer where he needs his steady hands if he’s working on a person.

The final mood board here is more of a back-up if I find the Hyde character himself really tricky to model due to the amount of pieces I would need to model for him and how large he is. This mood board essentially boils down to a sheet of references for the character's face to help sculpt it so that it looks human and realistic enough to pass it off as a random person. 

Overall, I’m really happy with my mood board research as whilst I’ve analysed and explained why I chose the images i wanted here, I feel I’m still gonna come back to these slides fro reference especially when it comes to the really detailed features like the cybernetic arm prosthetic. in addition to this, I’m also really glad that I’m putting measures in for myself when it comes to the creation of the final model like having a backup mood board in case the Hyde character doesn't go well as it’s so easy for myself to get ahead of it all. 

[aion-rsa]

Ma Rainey’s Life and Reign as the Mother of the Blues

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Netflix’s Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom stars Viola Davis as one of the most influential blues singers of all time. The real Ma Rainey was the first stage entertainer to bridge the gap between the white and the Black performance circuits. “If you don’t like my ocean, don’t fish in my sea,” Rainey warned in her 1927 song, “Don’t Fish in My Sea,” but the crowds couldn’t stay away. She was one of the first entertainers to play integrated shows in the Jim Crow South, and the first popular singer with authentic blues in her setlist.

“Madame” Gertrude Rainey was the “Mother of the Blues,” but the world knows her as Ma. She wasn’t the first woman to sing the blues. She’d actually heard it while playing vaudeville, tent shows, and cabarets. Rainey wasn’t even the first woman to record the blues. She began recordings when she was 38 in 1923, three years after Mamie Smith’s Feb. 14, 1920 recordings of “That Thing Called Love,” “You Can’t Keep a Good Man Down,” and “Crazy Blues” for Okeh Records in New York City.

A Georgia Cakewalk and Some Alabama Fun Makers

Ma was born Gertrude Pridgett on April 26, 1886, in Columbus, Georgia, or September 1882 in Alabama, according to a later census. Her parents were minstrel troupers Thomas Pridgett, Sr. and Ella Allen-Pridgett. She began singing professionally in 1896, after her father died. Her first public performance was in the 1900 stage show, “The Bunch of Blackberries,” at the Springer Opera House in Columbus. Pridgett soon performed on the tent-show circuit with troupes which set up their own stages.

Pridgett first heard country blues in 1902 while she was on the road, according to Sandra Lieb’s Mother of the Blues: A Study of Ma Rainey. At a stop in Missouri, she saw a young woman singer accompany herself on guitar playing a song in a pentatonic scale with blue notes. Pridgett added the song to her repertoire as an encore. The everyday anguish and joy resonated with audiences. Pridgett would continue to add songs she heard in the towns she played. 

In 1904, Pridgett married a singer, comedian and dancer named Will Rainey, and they toured as the duo Ma and Pa Rainey. “Rainey and Rainey, Assassinators of the Blues” played regularly until the pair separated in 1916. Ma went solo, touring with her own tent show, Madam Gertrude Ma Rainey and Her Georgia Smart Set, which included a chorus line of male and female dancers. The traveling troupe spent winters in New Orleans where Ma mingled with the cream of jazz masters.

In 1923, she was signed to Paramount Records by Mayo “Ink” Williams, who was the most successful blues producer of his time, the first Black producer at a major label, and the only person ever inducted into both the National Football Hall of Fame and the Blues Hall of Fame. Pianist Thomas A. Dorsey entered Rainey’s world in 1924. Dorsey, who would later go on to gain fame as a gospel songwriter, was also her manager and musical arranger, much like the trombone player Cutler (Colman Domingo) in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. He spotted the talent for Rainey’s touring ensemble, the Wild Cats Jazz Band. The musicians played blues, but also performed written sheet music to play contemporary jazz.

During Rainey’s five-year recording career at Paramount, she recorded with a rotating crew of musicians in various musical settings, but who all laid down genuine rural blues songs of heartbreak, betrayal, drinking, superstition, prison road gangs, and hard and easy loving. 

Rainey wrote or co-wrote about a third of the 92 songs she recorded for her label. With her strong voice, unapologetic lyrical sexuality, and onstage abandon, “the Paramount Wildcat” devoured contemporary women blues singers like Ida Cox and Sippie Wallace like appetizers. Ma wore that tag as proudly as the gold she adorned herself with after she became famous and became the “Golden Necklace Woman of the Blues.” Her only competition was known as “The Empress of the Blues,” and it was a very friendly rivalry.

Bessie Smith

Ma was performing with the Moses Stokes’ Traveling Show when she met Bessie Smith, the troupe’s new chorus girl dancer, in 1912. Ma was 26 and Bessie was 18. Chattanooga, Tennessee-born Bessie Smith had spent her childhood performing on street corners. Both her parents and a brother died by the time she was nine years old. Smith went on to be the highest paid African American performer of the “Roaring Twenties.” 

According to the book Bessie, by Chris Albertson, legends persist that Rainey kidnapped Smith, forced her to join the Rabbit Foot Minstrels and taught her to sing the blues. Bessie’s sister-in-law Maud Smith says the legend isn’t true, but it made for great publicity. While there are some accounts that Rainey was Smith’s vocal coach, it appears her suggestions were more about vocal stylings and performance. Both were virtuoso singers with distinct and personal deliveries. Ma’s slow driving moan and Bessie’s vibrant contralto were signatures. They performed together regularly and the two artists remained lifelong friends.

Both singers expressed themselves boldly, their lyrics were masterpieces of double entendre, and their lives were as risqué as the songs. The two Jazz Age divas proudly proclaimed their bisexuality. While neither confirmed rumors that they were lovers, Smith bailed Rainey out of jail when the Chicago police busted in on the singer in the middle of some erotic personal entertainment with some of her female dancers. And Rainey’s bisexuality comes through in her songs.

“It’s one of the things that I really loved about Ma Rainey,” George C. Wolfe, director of the movie version of Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, tells Den of Geek.* “One of the songs that she records… is a song called ‘Prove It on Me [Blues],’ in which she sings these incredibly bold, very unapologetic lyrics such as, ‘I went out last night with a bunch of friends. Must have been women because I don’t like man.’ And that was one of her hit songs in the 1920s. And so she lived her life unapologetically that way.”

And it’s not that she didn’t “want no man to put no sugar in my tea,” as she sang in “Bo Weavil Blues,” but “some of them’s so evil, I’m afraid they might poison me.” On some occasions, however, they came up with something interesting. “My man says sissy’s got good jelly roll,” Rainey confessed on her 1926 song “”Sissy Blues.”

In other songs she admits a fondness for younger men. Colman Domingo, who plays one of Ma’s band members in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, tells us the power of Ma’s life was that she could make these things happen in a country with systems as stacked against her 1920s America.

“I love in the film how she holds her woman with her nephew right there,” Domingo says. “And everyone knows that Ma is gay as well. I love that August is examining that, that she created her world. And in her world, she is the queen, and everything she says goes as well. They know. They know Ma’s proclivities in every single way. And that was also that pioneering spirit. She was fighting so many systems at that time, being a woman, being a gay woman, in a male dominated industry. She’s a true champion.”

In her 1998 book, Blues Legacies and Black Feminism, Angela Davis sees Rainey as a revolutionary who embraces heterosexuality and lesbianism, and observes the women in Rainey’s songs “explicitly celebrate their right to conduct themselves as expansively and even as undesirably as men.” Davis sees Rainey, as well as Smith and Billie Holiday, as inspirational models for how African American women can overcome racism, sexism, and capitalism.

Louis Armstrong

The iconic jazz legend Louis Armstrong was so inspired by Ma Rainey, he stylistically paid homage to her every time he put down his horn to sing. Even his facial expressions were reportedly reminiscent of Rainey’s. “Satchmo” played cornet on Rainey’s songs “Yonder Comes the Blues,” “Jelly Bean Blues,” “Countin’ the Blues,” and “Moonshine Blues.” The 1927 re-recording of that song is featured in Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom, but the original 1923 version was done with him, May, and Lovie Austin and Her Blue Serenaders.

Armstrong was also part of Gertrude “Ma” Rainey & Her Georgia Band’s rendition of the now-standard piece “Stack O’Lee Blues.” Ma was one of the song’s early interpreters, though her rendition actually carries the melody of the song “Frankie and Johnny.”

Along with Charlie Green on trombone, Buster Bailey on clarinet, Fletcher Henderson on piano, and Charlie Dixon on banjo, Armstrong also played cornet for Ma in mid-October 1924 for the blues classic “See See Rider Blues.” The song has been covered over 100 times. Rainey’s was the first version, and her recording was added to the Library of Congress’ National Recording Registry in 2004. She holds the copyright.

Legacy

The singer, songwriter and astute businesswoman helped make black female autonomy mainstream. The horsehair wigs and the gold teeth she wore on stage empowered her fans. In Black Pearls, author Daphne Harrison said Rainey’s voice was “a reaffirmation of Black life.” Alice Walker cites Ma Rainey’s music as a cultural model for her novel, The Color Purple. In the song “Tombstone Blues” from the 1965 album Highway 61 Revisited, Bob Dylan pairs Ma Rainey with Beethoven. 

Rainey’s songs inspired poets like Sterling Brown, whose 1932 poem “Ma Rainey,” describes one of her concerts from the eyes of her audience. “When Ma Rainey comes to town, folks from anyplace miles aroun’ flocks in to hear Ma do her stuff,” he enthused.

Rainey also inspired the 1982 August Wilson play Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom. In spite of Levee’s protests in that play and its Netflix movie adaptation, she did play Harlem. Ma did shows at The Lincoln Theatre on 135th Street near Lenox Avenue.

Cause of Death

Rainey retired from music in 1935, after the death of her mother and sister. She settled in Columbus and spent her time running the two playhouses she owned: the Airdome and the Lyric Theater. Ma Rainey died from a heart attack on Dec. 22, 1939 in Columbus, Georgia. “People it sure look lonesome since Ma Rainey been gone,” blues guitar legend Memphis Minnie bemoaned on her 1940 tribute “Ma Rainey” before humbly promising the good works of “the Mother of the Blues” would go on.

“Ma” Rainey was inducted into the Blues Hall of Fame in 1983 and into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1990. “To tell the truth, if I stop and listen, I can still hear her,” Langston Hughes wrote in his 1952 poem “Shadow of the Blues.” Madame “Ma” Rainey cast a long one.

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom premieres on Netflix on Friday, Dec. 18.

*Additional reporting by Don Kaye.

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[insightfulinsomniac]

Band of Brothers Hogwarts Houses

I was asked by Bandumb on AO3 to list what Hogwarts houses I headcanon the BoB boys being in... so here we are! Special thanks to everyone in the HBO War group chat for debating a lot of these! ****** Dick Winters: Gryffindor, for obvious reasons. Lewis Nixon: Slytherin, also for obvious reasons. Carwood Lipton: Slytherin. BEFORE YOU DISCOUNT THIS LISTEN UP: this comes from the incredible @alyseofwonderland on the HBO war group chat. First, Dick Winters listed Lip as one of the "killers" of Easy Co. Also, Lip is FIERCELY loyal to his men and will do anything to anyone to protect them. Hufflepuffs are very loyal, but Lip is loyal in the sense that he would undermine other people and use his intelligence to get his way for his men. Very Slytherin-esque loyalty. Finally, the best argument from her, in my opinion, is the fact that Lip joined the Paratroopers to be and be with the best soldiers. If that's not Slytherin, I don't know what is. I digress. Ron Speirs: Slytherin. Everyone already knew that. Harry Welsh: Also Slytherin. Fiercely loyal to a select group... aka KITTY. Also, incredibly charming and he is just so Slytherin okay HIS FIGHTING STYLE is so Slytherin Buck Compton: Yeah, he's a Gryffindor golden boy. However, I see a bit of Slytherin in him with the ambition and goal-focused mindset, but he's pretty Gryffindor. Bill Guarnere: Gryffindor! This isn't too hard to see (especially the "stubborn and loathe to back down..." pretty Bill imo) Don Malarkey: Gryffindor, again. See a pattern? Gryffindors are opportunistic and spontaneous... remember the Luger situation in Day of Days? Very Gryffindor. Malark has a few Hufflepuff characteristics as well, but Don is definitely more Gryffindor. Skip Muck: Also Gryffindor. Skip fits it (on paper) even more than Malark, personally. Alex Penkala: Yeah, we have a Gryffindor golden trio. Don Hoobler: Also Gryffindor. (See a pattern?) He was known as one of the most genuinely kindhearted men of the company, and he was known for never taking himself too seriously, as well as willing to volunteer for anything — patrols, scouting, etc. In my opinion, Hoob's a bit of Hufflepuff and Slytherin too, but his boldness and playfulness put him in Gryffindor for me. Joe Liebgott: He is a classic Slytherin. No question about it. David Webster: Classic Ravenclaw. He even stayed as a Private throughout the war to literally observe everything — a seriously Ravenclaw trait. Among the other more obvious ones. Joe Toye: HUFFLEPUFF. Fight me on this. Fiercely loyal, tenacious, and determined. Some Hufflepuffs are even considered unemotional at times — something Toye can be. Passionate and dependable... very Joe. Remember that some of the best fighters (see Cedric Diggory) are from Hufflepuff. They're very tough people. George Luz: Slytherin, without a doubt. I used to think of him as a Hufflepuff, but he is undeniably Slytherin. Charming, willing to use his intelligence (or anything else, for that matter) to get what he wants (see impressions to trick higher ranking officers, @Sobel). Also, Slytherins LOVE positive attention. Adaptable, yes. Not to say that he isn't a bit Hufflepuff, but he is more Slytherin. Frank Perconte: Slytherin. He stole Winters' rifle from his foxhole in Bastogne (true story). He completely destroyed O'Keefe in Why We Fight. Perco is a Slytherin. Babe Heffron: HE IS SUCH A GRYFFINDOR (he's basically a Weasley). Arguably one of the most obviously Gryffindor in the group. Eugene Roe: Ravenclaw, for sure. Read the traits on the graphic and it's pretty obvious. Albert Blithe: He's such a sweet little Hufflepuff. I see the honesty and fairness shining through the most, for sure. He flat out tells Speirs that he's scared, something that most men would not admit so easily to any man, let alone Speirs. Smokey Gordon: Pretty Slytherin to me. He keeps Doc updated on where everything is and what everyone needs — he knows that Perco has scissors and that Toye needs boots. He's very goal-oriented in that mindset, and he's pretty damn ruthless when it comes to machine-gunning. Shifty Powers: THE SWEET SUNSHINE CHILD IS HUFFLEPUFF OKAY no one would say otherwise anyway Roy Cobb: *sings* he's the mean Slytherin we all love to hate Bull Randleman: the man is Gryffindor, okay? He's got some Hufflepuff in him too, but he's honest, blunt, and very experience-oriented. Totally Gryffindor. Johnny Martin: Slytherin, obviously *gives the classic Johnny-to-Webster glare* Alton More: no doubt about him being Slytherin. Did you not see him blatantly lying to Speirs about Hitler's photo album? And the cheeky little smirk afterwards? He's a legend. Floyd Talbert: Another sweetheart of a Slytherin. He's totally charming and very very driven; totally self-reliant. Chuck Grant: Almost a 50-50 between Slytherin and Gryffindor for me, but Slytherin wins out simply because he's subtly charming. He's also very bold; he has to be in his position. Skinny Sisk: He's pretty Gryffindor. Nearly spot-on. Pat Christenson: I honestly think he's very Ravenclaw. He's an artist, which means he's super creative, but he also teased replacement Webb about Speirs. He seemed very witty and it was nearly self-entertaining, two very common Ravenclaw characteristics. Earl McClung: Yeah, he's Slytherin. Was said to be able to "sniff out Germans" and was thought to have killed the most. Very ruthless. ***BONUS: Renée Lemaire: She's also Ravenclaw! She wants to be an observer rather than a participant (but steps up when she's needed). She's introspective and independent, which makes her a Ravenclaw through and through.

[freakscircus]

thinking about my top 10 stephen king books... because he is my favorite author and it was his birthday recently. i’m putting them under the cut here:

this list is by no means exhaustive, there’s a lot by king i haven’t read. for example, i haven’t read the dark tower which a lot of people consider one of his best. so this is just a top 10 of books i’ve read by him:

10. Misery Plot: a famous author gets into a car accident, and is found and nursed back to health by his biggest fan. however, she quickly becomes controlling and violent as she makes bigger and bigger demands of her favorite author, who is totally dependent on her in his injured state. - i appreciate this book but it is not something i would ever read again. the sympathy i felt for paul was just too great. the themes and mood of this book are just so bizarre, i absolutely love it. 

9. The Mist Plot: an otherworldly mist engulfs a little vacation town after a violent storm. a group of people are trapped in a supermarket and must decide what they can do, as going into the mist almost ensures certain death - i definitely liked the mist, it’s a novella so it is short, but it’s very interesting and quite stressful to read! but i suppose that makes a good book. i can’t really say why i find this book so interesting without spoiling it though, so pick it up for yourself!

8. The Shining plot: jack torrance becomes the winter caretaker of an old and majestic hotel, bringing his family with him. however, this hotel has a horrific past that continues to haunt it into the present. alone and snowed in, jack begins to lose his sanity and becomes obsessed with the overlook hotel, with his family trapped and forced to stay despite the deterioration of jack’s sanity and the violence and horror that ensues - i really enjoyed this one, but i honestly think it fell flat compared to the movie. i would have enjoyed this had i not watched the adaptation, but i think it loses out for sure. i absolutely adore the themes and setting though... isolation, cabin fever, haunting, and a horrific and large empty hotel. it reminds me of the isolation and horror of the hotel in silent hill as well. i really like the motif that king uses of the main character discovering the rotten interior of their surroundings, despite a pristine veneer. however in this case instead of overcoming, the main character rots along with it. i would really push you to read this book first if you’ve never watched the movie so you have nothing to compare it against.

7. The Talisman plot: a young boy has to save his sick mother, who has isolated herself in a desolate seaside hotel and has accepted her impending death. however, he discovers that there is a parallel universe to his own, where each person has a twin whose fate is directly intertwined with their original selves. jack must weave between worlds and travel a great distance to foil an evil plot in order to save his mother’s life - i like this one... it’s not horror fiction at all. if you like king for horror classics like carrie and misery, i don’t know if you’ll like this one. it’s pure fantasy, including magic powers and an otherworldly realm that is similar to medieval england. but i really enjoyed it, it’s a really satisfying adventure book.

6. Christine plot: an awkward and straightlaced teenager is inexplicably drawn to an extremely old and dilapidated red plymouth fury. after becoming the owner of the fury, his personality changes into a combative and obsessive version of himself that is almost unrecognizable to his childhood best friend. strange things begin to happen to anyone who goes against him, as they are inexplicably killed one by one in violent hit and run accidents.  - i really didn’t think i would like this one. anyone i explain the plot to thinks it’s super hokey and probably really campy and bad. however i really liked it! it’s super nuanced even though the antagonist is literally a car. i could not put this book down, the progression of arnie’s transformation is just so fascinating.  5. Dolores Claiborne plot: a woman’s firsthand account of how she did not murder her employer leads to a horrific telling of her life, and the choices that she has made. dolores chose to marry young and her regret and resentment over her husband is paired with a life full of poverty and difficult choices. - this was the book that introduced me to stephen king and i fell in love immediately. it’s a bit hard to get into this one, the narrative style is a bit odd. but once you do, it is incredible. the themes remind me a lot of v.c. andrews, so you get a very gothic horror feel from this one.

4. The Stand plot: a government created superflu virus wipes out almost the entire population of earth. a small percentage of people born with a rare immunity to the superflu survive, but they must decide what to do now that everyone they know has died right in front of them. large cities are full of dead bodies and horror, and options seem slim. two parallel settlements begin to arise, but tensions run high when one plots to destroy the other. - god i love this book. i fell in love with almost every single character, and it felt like i really bonded with each of the protagonists. i read this book over a very leisurely and enjoyable summer full of reading time and finished right in september, so it was very bittersweet to say goodbye to this one. it’s not purely horror, but it’s very stephen king. because of this book one of my potential girls names for a future daughter is nadine, which is funny when you read the book and realize who nadine is. anyway... absolutely love this one and i believe this is king’s most challenging book to read, but the most satisfying.

3. Dead Zone plot: johnny smith, a young man with a very normal life is suddenly involved in an almost lethal car accident. he is in a coma for years, losing over a decade of his life. however when he awakes, he realizes he has psychic powers. this story runs parallel to the story of the american election at the time, where a dangerous wild card candidate has risen to primacy. johnny’s newfound powers allow him to foresee that if this man gets elected, it is possible he will lead the world to nuclear destruction. - i love this one too! it seems so relevant in this political time. john smith is so loveable, and he is such a perfect protagonist. this is an easy read that you can finish in a week if you have the time.

2. Carrie plot: an awkward and socially stunted highschool girl is mercilessly bullied by her peers and isolated from everybody. her mother is overly religious and controlling to the point of abuse. one day, she discovers that she has psychic powers that act up when she becomes enraged. as she is pushed to the brink from the abuse of her peers and mother, her psychic powers begin to turn violent. - i truly cannot believe this is king’s very first novel. it is so perfect. the themes, the imagery, the plot is just incredible. this is a short read, i read it on a flight from rio de janeiro to sao paulo. if you don’t know where to start with king, or you’re not a huge reader, i would recommend carrie. i would say this is on par with the original movie, which does a very good job at adapting the book.

1. It plot: a demon emerges every 27 years to feed on the misery and rot of a seemingly idyllic small town in maine. the facade of a wholesome and beautiful town masks the racism, homophobia, and abusive tendencies of many of its residents. fate brings together a number of troubled or abused children who are the only ones who are able to take on the demon, which manifests itself as a clown. however as the children bond and come of age together, they struggle personally through the misery and abuse that color their lives. their struggles bring them together, cementing their friendship and strength through overcoming their own personal demons to fight the one that is preying on the horror and sickness of derry. - i love it. this book is sick and disturbing at times where i can still remember scenes that i will probably have to skip on a second read. however, there are many themes in this book i do enjoy. if you really loved either it movie, i’d recommend picking this book up. i found neither adaptation really did it justice, but how can they? this book is over a thousand pages of character development, backstories, growth, and coming of age. the horror is not only pennywise, but what these kids have to endure that steals their innocence and bonds them together. this is just artful writing, and i would recommend reading it over a very hot and slow summer. my highest recommended book out of all of them, but it is a tough read. it’s long and complex with multiple parallel stories running all at once. it’s impossible to grasp every detail on just your first read.

[debtorbeetle15-blog]

Andrew Ridker's Playlist for His Novel "The Altruists"

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Andrew Ridker's Playlist for His Novel "The Altruists"

In the Book Notes series, authors create and discuss a music playlist that relates in some way to their recently published book.

Previous contributors include Jesmyn Ward, Lauren Groff, Bret Easton Ellis, Celeste Ng, T.C. Boyle, Dana Spiotta, Amy Bloom, Aimee Bender, Heidi Julavits, Hari Kunzru, and many others.

Andrew Ridker's debut novel The Altruists is a family drama both ambitious and intimate.

Booklist wrote of the book:

"Beautifully written, with witty, pitch-perfect dialogue and fascinating characters, Ridker’s impressive, deeply satisfying debut is an extraordinarily insightful look at a family broken apart by loss and struggling to find a way back to each other and themselves."

In his own words, here is Andrew Ridker's Book Notes music playlist for his debut novel The Altruists:

Before reading and writing consumed my life, I was what you might call a “music person.” I even had a short-lived career as a DJ in high school, which culminated in my aiding and abetting a girl in the temporary theft of her parents’ sound system. They—her parents—were having sex when we “broke in”; I’m not sure either of us ever recovered.

The following songs all relate in one way or another to my debut novel, The Altruists. The novel tracks the Alter family—Arthur, Francine, Ethan, and Maggie—over decades and across continents, from Paris to St. Louis to Zimbabwe, as they struggle with money, morality, and each other.

“News” – tUnE-yArDs

In my imaginary film adaptation of The Altruists, “News” plays over the opening credits. I imagine the lyrics as a warning shot to Arthur, the family patriarch: I’ve got news for you, baby / I’m not going to stick around here anymore / if you treat me badly.

“Fuck Up Some Commas” – Future

Early in the novel, Arthur’s daughter Maggie hears a song at a party that she can’t quite identify. Later on, she hears it again, noting the artist’s “promethazine-and-Sprite-soaked voice.” That artist, of course, is Future. “Fuck Up Some Commas” was released in March of 2015, just when the novel’s present action begins. To date I can think of no better euphemism for spending money. The Altruists, which centers around money—who has it, who doesn’t, what lengths people go to get it—might as well have been subtitled, The Alter Family Fucks Up Some Commas.

“Where You’ll Find Me Now” – Neutral Milk Hotel

It’s easy for me to picture Ethan, cloistered in his Carroll Gardens apartment, getting drunk and listening to Neutral Milk Hotel on a very expensive sound system. Ethan would have been about twelve years old when this album came out, and he strikes me as the kind of guy who drags his angsty teen listening with him into adulthood. I know I did.

“Stoned and Starving” – Parquet Courts

I began The Altruists while living in Ridgewood, Queens, in an apartment that overlooked a giant pit, just as Maggie does in the novel. I’m a fan of Parquet Courts, and really anything A. Savage is involved in, but this track makes the playlist for its lyrics, which mirror Maggie’s situation almost too perfectly: I was walking through Ridgewood, Queens / I was flipping through magazines / I was so, so stoned and starving.

“Across the Great Divide” – The Band

All white dads love The Band, and I think Arthur would relate to this song’s blend of longing and (naïve) optimism. “Across the Great Divide” is a song about the American Dream, about seeking your fortune in the west—or in Arthur’s case, the Midwest. I can hear him humming it while writing letters to his semi-estranged children from the other side of that great divide.

“Mwana Wamambo” – John Chibadura & Sungura Boys

Sungura is a popular style of music in Zimbabwe. This cheerful track would have been released just around the time Arthur visits the country, and I can see it playing in the background during his early days there—before things go terribly, terribly wrong.

“Sally Can’t Dance” – Lou Reed

The soundtrack to Francine’s semester abroad in Paris circa 1974. She’d probably want to be Sally, carefree and worldly, falling down on the dancefloor instead of writing a thesis about phenomenology. That chapter also contains a reference to “Johnny B. Goode,” in tribute to the great Chuck Berry, who used to have a standing engagement at Blueberry Hill, a bar in St. Louis not too far from the Alter family home.

“Swan Lake” – Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky

The creeping oboe that kicks off Tchaikovsky’s opera gets a shout-out in the novel, when Arthur, in a misguided attempt to relate to Ethan, takes him to a regional production of Swan Lake.

“Jack U Off” – Prince

While Arthur is in Zimbabwe, Francine takes in a roommate from her home state of Ohio named Marla Bloch. Marla is a bit mischievous, and ends up throws a “Freudian ‘Slip’ Party” for their psych student cohort. Lingerie/underwear only. Prince’s deliciously single-entendre “Jack U Off” is the song of the night.

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want” – The Rolling Stones

The ultimate Baby Boomer hymn to disappointment and disillusionment. In a novel about thwarted desire, that hook—You can’t always get what you want / but if you try sometimes, you’ll find / you get what you need—seems entirely appropriate. I read recently that Trump used the song on the campaign trail. I’m not sure he’s ever heard the lyrics.

Andrew Ridker and The Altruists links:

the author's website

Booklist review Kirkus review New Yorker review Publishers Weekly review

St. Louis magazine profile of the author

also at Largehearted Boy:

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