#jm so unprepared

[laurzvahll]

godddddd awful awful time i need to be put down im gonna start bawling i can only pretend to be unbothered for so long

[kanmom51]

SEVEN

So there is something I only realised this morning.

I can't believe I didn't see it before, but then I was so used to how things were done so far that it totally slipped by me.

The release times.

They are all US ET.

Not KST.

How I didn't notice this before is beyond me (given there were literally 2 posters, one in English and one in Korean, but my brain was living on past experience).

My brain was on automat, cause since when do BH release songs with US ET detailed schedules? ONLY ET schedule?????

It's like even in the schedule poster they are disconnecting JK from the Korean music scene. This isn't a K-pop song with a KST release time. Not for those that see the poster in English. They separated them. One for the Korean consumer, one for the American (I'm getting there, bare with me).

And once I digested that piece of information I knew that what I was thinking all along is a given.

JK is a big part of BPD's end game. This, Seven, it's part of BPD's end game.

It's a song in English. Created for the US market, the American consumer.

It's going to be flogged, well it is already, like no other BTS or BTS member song has been before it.

That MV, it's going to be big. Production big.

A lot of thought and planning has been put into this.

They are throwing it all at this song.

And the way I see it, this will also be the first song to be played on the radio. I really believe we are going to be getting Seven played on the radio. Like A LOT. Like lots of money changing hands to make it happen A LOT. Like lots of but kissing to make it happen A LOT.

Because BPD wants Korean artists and Kpop to reach the next level. Which is not only fan acknowledgement. He wants them to acknowledged as artists, just like any other artist who releases music in the States. He wants the stupid ass stigma that stuck to K-pop erased. He wants in. And Seven is the start of it.

They always had their eyes set on JK.

That is one of the reasons they were unprepared for JM and his success hit them right in the Face. Literally. They underestimated JM's power. They didn't know what to do with it. In a way, didn't want it. It wasn't part of the big plan. JK is.

And now thinking back to Qatar - I can't help but wonder, was it the organizers request only for JK or was it what Hybe wanted?

And that's a hell of a lot to put on JK's shoulders.

I do hope that this works. Not for Hybe's sake, nor BPDs. I want JK to do well. I want this for him, assuming this is what he wants too.

Look, everything I'm writing here can be a big pile of bull crap.

I could be proven totally wrong. No radio play, no big push, no big production. But wait. I think it's safe to say that the MV was a big production (flying out a well known Korean actress to LA to film, and what is with the Recording film?). Oh, and since when did we ever get posters all over the world for a single? I kind of think I'm on the right path here...

Anyway, if I'm wrong I'll own it. But I really do think this is part of the big plan. And my question is what's next?

Well, truthfully that's just one question. And I for one have plenty more. That have to do with JK and what he wants and what it means... for him and for JM and for them as a couple.

[mrs-monaghan]

Art is such a powerful thing man. I swear. Letter is the proof. Jimin is literally screaming his soul and heart out while singing in our headphones, and so many people pretend that he wrote that song just for them. I would have loved to know that such a beautiful song was made for me, for us, but it was not. And what I love the most about it, is that nothing is certain. Jimin always leaves us the benefit of the doubt. He needs that doubt himself in order to protect his relationship. That “dear.army” is not for everyone. If you want to see it, you will, and you’ll be able to read between the lines, to see that full stop that changes everyting. If you don’t want to, you’ll read it all together. And pretend that mark is not there. The same goes for the lyrics. “We don’t know what days await us”, “we’re afraid”, “the fun moments between you and me” and so many others. All these sentences can refer to armys, sure. I mean, if you really strain it… yes, they can. And that’s why Jimin is so smart. Their bond is special, it’s a literal gift that makes them able to turn off the lights of cameras , of telephones, of the internet and the whole industry, and enjoy themselves, just the two of them, in their little world. “They’re not close anymore like they used to be”: yes they are. What some people don’t get is that the “loudness” is still there, but in a different form. It’s in Jk’s eyes, in Jm’s smile when he sings letter. In their little moments together that we’ll never know about unless they tell us about it. They’re probably kissing, eating together, dancing together, sleeping. Maybe fighting too. And Jimin is never going to tell you “yes, that song is for the love of my life”. Forget that. But he can say anything else in his songs, and only people who are able to appreciate their bond will see it. Others won’t, and those people are the same that will never understand how deep the love between Jikook is. I can’t imagine how much hard it was for them to always hold back their feelings, to try to hide them so bad. To always be careful with words, actions, touches. I think they’re just learning to live their love in private, because the needing to tell the world that they’re in love must have faded with time. A part of them will always desire to share it with the world and the public, I think, but they must have realized that what they need is their other half. No external validation, no spotlight. Sadly, sharing it would wear this love out, because not everyone would get its preciousness. JM and JK still don’t know what awaits them, but they live with this only certainty: that they love each other. And this is scary. This is nothing and everything, if you think about it. Everything that they have it’s them. They never had certainties unless their love. But they’re together, and fear will be overcomed by both, as they always did. As those two young and unprepared kids did, growing up together. I have so much to say but I already wrote a lot. Sorry. I just wish them the best, and I hope that one day this love will be set free from judgment, doubts, hate, and from distracted eyes that can’t notice its pureness.

Jimin’s live performance of Letter is so good!

Damn. You're tearing my heart up. This is just

Gonna go cry now 😭

[kaiserkisser]

HEY BABEEEE hope youre feeling well (if its okay to call you that?? PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF IT ISNT) i saw you had a fever☹️ jm so sorry i havent been in your inbox lately this week has been SO crazy i couldnt even begin to lore drop for you. Tell me EVERYTHING thats been going on as soon as you feel well enough to okay??

Also i got your oc ask!! Im so sorry i totally forgot to tell you!!! I. Legitimately am trying to figure out how to use my screenreader for you in this very moment so i can read it just because my eyes are really bad at reading and i wanna learn about her so bad!!!!’ Promise promise promise i will answer so soon dyslexia just got the best of me😭✌️ from what i CAN read though she is a kickass character and i would love to hear every thought you have about her

I love you SOOOOOOOOO MUCH have an amazing friday hon!! Tell me how your day goessss

HELLOO DARLINGGG (OFC OFC ITS FINE DW AND LMK IF UR FINE WITH BEING CALLED THAT TOO! i usually like to ask before using nicknames so i dont accidentally make anyone uncomfy! <3) and the fever is gone thankfully!! somehow i have a cold now?? but eh whatever itll be gone soon im sure heh AND OMG IVE TOLD U NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE???? I UNDERSTAND SJDJEJEH if you apologize one (1) more time for not being able to drop by istg- (im being a hypocrite but wtv this is about YOU!!!) and when is your life NOT crazy tbh /j/j im ALL EARS if you wanna talk about your week omg

ITS ALRIGHTTT and i see i see no need to say sorry tis totally fine!!! huh wait ill see if i can scan the pages and make it into text bc i think thatll be easier to read than blurry handwriting 💀💀 bc i dont think ill actually be able to write all that into a doc bc of uh this essay writing comp that i have to write over the weekend along with coaching n extra school + 10 DAYS FOR THE EXAMS????! IM SO SO UNPREPARED HOLY FUCK IDK BIO AND I HAVENT EVEN TOUCHED GEO AND HISTORY IM DEAD i am SO dropping these subjects after this grade djhshshdhdj

UNO REVERSEE I LOVE YOU SO SOOOOOOO MUCH TOOOOOOO you have an amazing friday too!! (I think itll be like vv early morning rn for you when im answering this?)

[stormblessed95]

Hey, how are you?:)) As you’ve said before when there’s medical issues about JK we always see JM to be there with him but i don’t remember seeing the other way around. I’ve seen JM with medical staff but it was just the two of them(the one where JM was having muscle pain i think?) So I was wondering have we ever seen JK with JM in that kind of situation?

Hello anon 💜 Let's talk a bit about Jimin's chronic pain.

I'll do an FYI warning here at the beginning, I will be getting very personal in this post again. I know a lot of yall probably don't care, but sometimes I feel like it's easier to understand things when we look at it from the POV of a normal person instead of a celebrity. I personally relate a lot (alotttt) to Jimin and how he reacts about things and so sometimes it is easier for me to explain how I see things by speaking from personal experience as well. Hope that's okay!

So to start, let's talk about the difference of what we have seen in regards to Jikook with the medical team. JK had accidental and serious injuries. These were potentially dangerous and/or things they were unprepared for. Passing out, fainting, cutting open your skin.... all things requiring immediate and serious medical attention right away. Jimin was always worried and always came running. Jimin on the other hand, we have HEARD about him fainting, but we have never seen it, the lead up or the aftermath. So we cannot speak on who was with him or what exactly happened during that time. The times we did briefly see him with med teams were all instances due to his chronic pain. Which is something VERY different than an injury. Let me try and explain that further.

"You have to live with it" is so accurate. I am also someone who has chronic pain. I was diagnosed with my first pain disorder at the age of 12. I now have been diagnosed with 8 different disorders and autoimmune conditions. I have been through multiple treatment plans and surgeries to try and improve my quality of life, but that's all it will ever do. It's chronic, it's not ever going to go away. I just have to live with it. I personally have a hard time remembering what it feels like to not hurt. On good days, normal days... the pain is still there. It's literally just my normal at this point. You just learn to compartmentalize and live your live anyway. The few times we have seen Jimin getting treatment for the muscle pain and chronic pain he has, well those aren't the same as injuries. Like the trainer is saying above, he literally just has to deal with it. Correct me if I'm wrong, but the only time we see him with the med team are during this massage/chronic pain type appointments or getting taped up for some more stability and relief.

As someone who has been through similar things I can say that my husband has been by my side for all my injuries. He has sat and waited through my surgeries and injections. He has sat through the times I got regular hurt and needed stitches. Etc etc. He has also never once been to my monthly PT massages. He has said that if I wanted him there, he would be there, but otherwise it would be very very hard for him to my my therapist hurt me, even if he was hurting me to help me. Because it does hurt. A lot. And all he could do would be to sit and watch it happen. I also don't need or want him there. It's just... my life. It's nothing new or scary or anything that worries me. I know exactly what to expect and I know exactly how my body works in these situations. I don't need or even want my husband there because it's just so ingrained into my normal, I don't even think about it anymore. Yes, twice a month I will go and get tortured so that I can continue to walk normally the rest of the time (hopefully). I can even laugh through the grimace with my therapist who does a great job and making me comfortable. I don't need hand holding, so why make my husband watch me hurt when I don't need it? My husband also hasn't gone to any of my doctor appointments for it with me unless we are going to be talking about something major or treatment plan changes (i.e infusion therapy or an operation). It's viewed as something very similar to what healthy people consider their annual check ups at the doctors basically, unless you have alot of anxiety about medical stuff, you don't typically need someone to go with you for a check up. He mostly focuses on taking care of my however he can on an everyday basis.

Knowing what we know about JK and JM and their personalities, this matches up a lot for them as well I feel like. (My opinion!) JK has a very hard time watching his hyungs hurting, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't be there if he was needed. Jimin probably simply doesn't need the support in those moments. Jimin also isn't someone who enjoys being on camera during moments where he isn't in control. The moments we see him in pain on camera or with the med team thay isn't normal just coming off stage pain and exhaustion, is very very little. Less then the other members. And we see after they won their first major award for I Need U, Jimin is crying and keeps pushing the camera out of his face, saying to give him a minute. So I don't think we honestly see a lot of what he doesn't want us to see. So I think it's hard to say on if we see JK doing the same for Jimin because their situations medically were so different. Jimin wasn't "injured" he was receiving, what I think is, routine treatment. Or we hear about it, like when Jimin missed the Graham Norton show to due to muscle pain. He stayed and rested, everyone else continued with the schedule but we don't see footage of that choice being made or how it was made or who hung out with him until they had to leave, etc. Or when we saw Jimin resting with the staff taping ice to his knee on the couch, they all left him alone and he closed his eyes. It kinda looked like he wanted that space. And I can relate that sometimes when I hurt really bad, I don't want anyone or anything around me, including the people I love.

I also think it's super important to note that Jungkook takes care of Jimin ALOT and is very aware of him and how he is feeling. Jimin barely stretches his neck to get more comfortable and JK is reaching over to rub it for him in an interview right away. He is extra gentle with him and around him whenever he is having a bad day with his pain. He asks him if he is alright often. He is giving out constant massages to Jimin, to the point where the editors crack jokes about him being Jimins personal massage therapist. He carries him around a lot, especially after long shows. You seem him keeping an extra eye on Jimin sometimes during rehearsals. As someone who has chronic pain, I recognize alot of those behaviors from my own partner. And I can tell you that personally, that kind of stuff means a lot and is very touching. It makes me feel very loved and cared for. So I don't think its a stretch to assume it makes Jimin feel the same.

Some examples:

And I've mentioned before how intense the vminkook fake love flip was and you see when they are practicing it, JK was very concerned about making sure that while they pulled him they did it in a way that would cause the least strain to Jimins arms and shoulders, trying to prevent causing him any more pain. He is always thinking about it. Taekook were very careful about hand positioning and how they moved him, to not only keep Jimin safe, but to try and minimize the pain caused to Jimin during the trick.

We also see JKs immense amounts of worry anytime Jimin is struggling with something or hurting and how much he cares. And we also see how worried JK was in 2015 when Jimin missed a day of the concert due to being faint. When he was back the next day, JK stopped and sung directly to him during For You and you could see how happy he was that Jimin was feeling better and back on stage through that whole concert.

Sooo I guess this was my long winded way of saying no, we don't see the same footage in reverse but I think there is good reason for that. Mostly the vastly different situations. Lol I hope this all made sense. And also showed how much JK does take care of Jimin medically/emotionally, even if we don't see him sitting in on his appointments with staff.💜💜 thanks for the ask! Hope you don't mind my super long winded approach to this. Lol

[ddwcaph-game]

Dear diary, soooo i have an exam starting tomorow, but GOD i just couldn't FOCUS on studying for it... some of my notes are in my phone and not writen on my text book so naturally, i can't just turn my phone off so that it would stop distracting me so yeah, here i am, anxious about my test but couldn't help my self from opening other things on my phone rather than my school notes🥲 So i thought i might as well ask, how are the f6e members+B on the weekend before exam?

This sounds like an actual diary entry 😄

Anyway, sorry this took a while! 😅 I was just focused on finishing the update. I hope you did well with your exam! 😊

Assuming it's a quarterly final exam...

Wayne can only study in short bursts (since he can't stand studying for prolonged periods of time), so he'll probably get distracted if he isn't studying with someone else (listening to music while studying is a double-edged sword).

But despite being a big time procrastinator, Wayne doesn't worry too much about big tests. He only studies the night before, and only those topics he didn't have a good understanding of the first time, since he usually picks things up easily. If all else fails, he can always cheat. And that's good enough for him most of the time (his dad can't really complain when he's always in the Top 10).

Roselyna has a hard time focusing when she's alone, so she always invites Wayne for a study session. Sometimes she'd ask JM to tutor her, but more often than not, Wayne's unconventional methods of learning and memorizing things helps Rosie understand when she's having trouble (especially with math problems).

She's not overly worried about her performance (her parents are happy as long as she passes her subjects comfortably) so she doesn't really get anxious unless she's unprepared for it. But she always tries her best—she wants to be a teacher after all.

Oh, and nothing beats a prayer before the exam to calm her nerves and help set her mind into it.

Much like Wayne, Lily only reviews the night before, and is probably the least anxious about tests in the group. She'd just skim over all the topics and subjects, and then be done with studying after an hour or so. She has more interesting things to learn about (that aren't school-related) than reviewing things she already knows.

JM will spend most of his time tutoring his classmates and other students (since doing so also helps him study anyway), but he'll make sure to dedicate some time to himself, making use of various memorization techniques. This is the time when he's most in his element, so as long as he has enough time to prepare, he has little to worry about (it's the extra-curricular and student council stuff that gets him stressed).

Oh, and if you have read his bestfriend secrets, JM has his own personal rituals he does the night before and the morning of the exam.

B tries to structure and streamline the studying process as much as possible. Using notes, outlines, summaries, flash cards, stuff like that. B has no problem focusing for longer periods especially when alone, but they don't really like studying since it quickly becomes boring for them since they also pick things up pretty easily.

[kamadaeva]

OOOOO IM GLAD YOULL TAKE THE REQUESTS!!! that makes me so happy :) i was originally wondering about mori since i love him and he's good (i think?) in game but if you have the energy for cu alter as well i wouldn't mind :') again tysm for taking the requests i love your blog and jm too shy to come off anon and say hello so this is Good Enough

Mori Nagayoshi:Mental Pollusion(Wicked) B, a twisted mindset he enters when let loose, unable to see eye to eye with enemies and friends (master included) it is a rampage that is understoppable once started. extremely vicious and fatal attacks, is also heavily resistant to afflictions.Blood-soaked Recklessness A, the longer the fight goes on, the more he leaves his guard open but in exchange for more brutal attacks and techniques, he may be wide open but the cost of going for that opening may be a death to compensate.Demon Musashi’s Will C, the summit of Mori’s effort in battle and likely one last carnage filled spree. relief on both sides of the conflict if/when he dies.Ningen Mukotsu, simple but powerful noble phantasm. pierce and slaughters enemies as if they had no bones. the low mana consumption means it can be deployed constantly and in the middle of standard attacks.  “As If It Was a Human Without Bones“ implies when he uses this noble phantasm, it’s as if the target has no defenses at all and affects invulnerable enemies.Cu Alter:Madness of the Spirits A, a pretty simple skill overall, a powerful roar from Cu that messes with the heads of those affected, making them slower and weaker temporarily while they retain their mental footing. their reaction speeds and agility are also dampened. if i had to compare it to something, probably demoralizing shout from WoW lolProtection from Arrows C, standard protection from most projectiles meaning long range isn’t an option unless it’s a specialist type opponent. on top of this, in game his defense is boosted so he likely has a strong close range guard to go with the projectile immunityBattle Continuation A, survives fatal damage, pretty standard but when coupled with his other skills and attributes, it could be the tipping point in a loss against him if unprepared.Curruid Coinchenn,  a class fitting flurry of carnage creating attacks from cu but simultaneously boosting his defenses and increasing the danger of his attacks the application of it. since it’s not specifically a weapon and more like he himself is the weapon, the main danger of cu is that he can just jump into this noble phantasm state from his standard form making him really dangerous to a wide range of enemies.

[margaretfrost]

October

Prologue: 

I’ve wondered many times what the shape of this month would take. Punctuated by pain like the bullet-hole smiles we used to shoot into paper plates on the lake as children, October has demanded as much as it’s given. I jumped at the first gunshot, unprepared for the noise and chaos a single email could bring into my life. A second gunshot was inevitable - these things always come in rounds - but I could see it coming. I was able to reach for the headphones that would dampen the ear-splitting crack of air. I prepared for the fallout, for the paper plate of my my heart to be ripped to shreds, and then I waited. I breathed deeply filling the space with a slow steady countdown. Ten days. Eight days. Three days. 10 hours. 2 hours. Bang,

Only this time, I didn’t panic. The pain was not explosive, but steady in a way that pain can only be when its expected. The month carried, as it always does. The bones have been set. Now all there is left to do is wait until I can walk again. 

Time, thou must entangle this not I. Tis too hard a knot for me to untie. - Twelfth Night

Part I 

Anonymity doesn’t suit me. I railed against the decision to hide behind a pen name, but then just as quickly accepted it and moved on, thinking about how much freer I might be with my proverbial pen - too free perhaps. 

The month began with grieving and singing and laughter and tears. My dearest Welshie had come to see for the weekend, and we ended up attending my local church. Coming out of the chaos that was September, I was exhausted and desperate for some respite. I wept as A prayed over me, covering me with words of hope and love - a balm for a wounded soul. I wept in the arms of L. I wept in the arms of my Welshie. This was church at its finest - to be seen, to be loved, to be safe to fall to pieces knowing that I would be picked back up again. 

And I was. By coffee and an almond croissant and a fond farewell to the Welshie.  

The week passes. I run. I write. I walk my dog. I glory in the beautiful weather - unseasonably hot for October. I see my friends. I settle into a rhythm - one that feels strange in its normality, but I don’t question it. It doesn’t even cross my mind to question it, as relief is the only prevailing feeling. 

The nights are longer not by the darkness but by the quiet. I tuck myself in my enormous green chair - the one deemed too ugly to display in the old place, which now sits proudly in my little living room - and read by a tiny lamp that’s propped up in the window. Occasionally, my dog will catch the reflection of the light and let out a howl as if intruders were upon us. I don’t quiet him anymore. Living on my own, I feel safer when his loud growls fill the house, emanating out so that I’m sure people several rows of streets over can hear him. 

The model comes to see me later in the week - he is a wave, bubbling sea foam, ever ebbing in and out. He moves like water, his hands always fluidly finessing his speech. I marvel at his beauty though like the ocean, I have no desire to possess it, but am content to watch it ripple, content to simply bear witness.

The weekend comes, though as a writer, a weekend by any other name just looks like a week. J visits and I find my words - my soul - spilling out and tumbling out like a small child trying to carry a very large glass of water. But he doesn’t seem to mind, spilling some of his own soul as well over baked cookies and iced coffee. He reads a poem that stops up my mind like hardened-honey so that I can think of nothing else for days. We walk endlessly in fields of copper and gold.

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour. 

The ‘hour’ continues on into the evening as I spend time dancing and drinking with friends.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

My dear JM visits Sunday evening and it comforts me to see her curled up in my beautiful, ugly green chair, the candles illuminating her lovely face as we chat endlessly, like two dormice storing up secrets for the winter. 

So Eden sank to grief.

I write the next day, a Monday. I finish the day with new friends in a cozy pub, huddling together in our mutual faith. As we near the end of our time together, I check my phone. A host of texts - more than expected for the hour I’ve ignored the demanding blue light. 

So dawn goes down to day.

There, in all its impossibility is a text from Him, full-named as he is. My heart drops. No. It sinks. No. It stops. ‘I have reached a point in my processing when I need to speak to you directly.’

Nothing gold can stay. - Robert Frost 

Part 2

My hands shake as I dial numbers. My whole body is shaking - my legs as I dash home, my arms as I hold the phone to my ear and wait for B to respond. She picks up on the third ring and I spill out everything. I’m frantic. I’m erratic. I’m manic. I’m in shock. 

Even now, living this moment again is horrendous, I rush home and call Y. She is at my house within 15 minutes with candy. We sit on my living room floor and watch an episode of friends - an episode I am sure I will never watch again. The strangest, longest, hardest hour of my life passes as I sit by her side, chewing in strawberry laces, and waiting for an email that will say. 

Say what. Nothing good. A text like that can only mean bad things. But with no indication I am forced to wait. I shut my mind in a dark room and give it no light - not even the faintest candle by which to imagine shadows that do not exist. This is the hardest thing - to keep the speculation at bay, like persistent demons that bang on the doors of your mind begging to be allowed to grow in their phantom hood. 

The hour passes. The email arrives. I fall apart. 

I’ve known dark before, 

but not like this. 

This is cold, this empty, this is numb. 

The life I knew is over, 

the lights are out. 

Hello darkness I’m ready to succumb. 

- The Next Right Thing, Frozen 2

Again and again and again over the next 24 hours I fall apart, tearing at the seams. Again and again and again I pick the pieces and reassemble myself. No. I allow others to pick up the pieces for me as a I have no strength. I listen to the wisdom of others, with no wisdom of my own. My eyes swell so large they could be beacon fires - red hot, enflamed. 

Dear JM spends all of Tuesday by my side. She makes me a cheese toastie. She wraps her arms around me so tightly that I stop falling apart. By sheer force of love, she keeps me together and I start to find something resembling equilibrium. A tennis game in the evening sorts out the anger, and I cry in front of my tennis buddy for the second this year. 

She is kind and calm and wise. 

Wednesday I have a huge career meeting, that I float through with the support of my team. It goes brilliantly.

Thursday I see friends in Town. One after the other. The Ozzie, the Georgian, the fellow ex-Presby, then the two delights I met over the summer. I devote my full attention to them - what else can I do. Think on that for which I have no language? No answers? I head home heart heavy. But thankful for fellowship. 

I reply to the email at last. 

I’ve asked for a week more to process. I’m not even fighting for us anymore. I’m not fighting for Him. I’m not fighting for me. I’m fighting for time. 

TIME THOU MUST ENTANGLE THIS. 

Part 3 

’It feels like falling, it feels like rain, like losing my balance again and again.’ - Sorrow by Sleeping at Last

Mid-October brings thick fog - a pathetic fallacy but comforting all the same. There sits within me an uneasy familiarity with chaos so that even in moments of stillness I see the chaos lurking out my window and something compels me to press my face to the glass and reach my hand out and brush against it’s darkness with my fingertips. 

It beckons to me in whispers of illness in one that I care for. Though close in proximity, the chasm of silence could rival that of the Grand Canyon. I worry. Of course I do.

It beckons to me in the longing to be held. To be kissed. To be explored. To be touched. I settle instead for the warm embrace of a friend.

It beckons to me in the breaking of my own spirit. 

But this is where it falters, for in my utter brokenness I turn to the only One in whom I know my hope will not be put to shame. And so I break in relief - dawn to day, rain to sun, like coming alive. Chaos spasms uncontrollably as my heart fills with a song of joy I do not full comprehend, my soul with a peace that passes understanding. 

The time I’ve fought for reaches its end. The Love I want to fight for has reached its end. I weep.  I eat. I weep. I sleep. I weep. I hold my dog close. 

You've gone to a place I cannot find

This grief has a gravity; it pulls me down

But a tiny voice whispers in my mind

"You are lost, hope is gone

But you must go on

And do the next right thing"

But what is it? What is the next right thing? I ask this question of the fields that I run through. I ask this question of the thunderstorm that rages. I ask this question of the leaves that crunch beneath my feet. I ask this question as I run.

I keep running because I like how red my cheeks get in the cold morning air and I like how my lungs burn when I run up a hill and I like how the sweat on my back catches the wind and makes me shiver and I like how it sounds when my feet hit the pavement or how my ears fill with bubbling conversation as I run alongside whoever I’ve managed to drag with me. I keep running because even in the midst of defeat, there are sunrises, like this one, that fill my heart with the beauty of creation and my failures pale in comparison to the splendor all around me and I can glory in the freedom of my insignificance

How nature aquaints us, with the nature of patience 

- Seasons by Hillsong. 

I finally give up book two, if only temporarily. I turn my attention to my home, tidying for a winter of the soul and body. I speak at a conference about book one and it buoys me, but by the time I’m on the train home, I’m exhausted once more. I’m exhausted all the time now/

Be still and know that I am God. Wait for the Lord. Be strong. Let your heart take courage. Wait for the Lord - The Psalmist 

Part 4

The line between good and evil passes... through every human heart so that even in a heart overwhelmed by evil one bridgehead of good remains - Alexander Solznietzin 

In my own experience it is the same with hope and despair - when I search inside myself and see a great cavern where I had thought to find some light and I teeter on the sharp edge of shame, still some tiny vestige of hope remains. Close companionship, the hidden wonder of creation, even the ridiculous adorability of my dog pull me back again and again so that I am hard pressed on every side but not abandoned, struck down but not destroyed.

Words have always been my weapon, my ally, my friend, my enemy, my undoing. I have used words to bring form and shape to my emotions and thoughts. I have articulated ad nauseam until the world around me fit into place, brick by brick, as if through the magic of language that which was once broken might be made whole once more. But I’ve run out of words. The effort it takes to turn my back on that cavern even as my feet long to rush into it and hide, wallowing in the misery of darkness, has stripped me of that thing which I hold dear and my imagination runs dry. I must admit defeat, placing my creative endeavors to the side as the work of the moment must be healing, more demanding a partner than ever I’ve nourished.

And so the month ends in failure. Not the loud, catastrophic kind that makes its presence known to everyone within a ten mile radius. My failure does not come with a flashing neon sign drawing public disgrace. No, this failure is quiet, steady, and relentless. Like these rainy days that crept up on us until our streets were flooded. I stand in my life and let the rain of failure wash over me, soak into every pore. My feet sink into and it fills me from top to bottom.

The two things I hold dear in my life are now dead. I’ve pressed my lips to the corpse of my heart’s desire and breathed desperately, throwing my weight into pummeling the chest cavity. There’s even the tiniest ember of light in the eyes, and I think, I hope, maybe, maybe, maybe. 

But that is a question for another time.

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. - Rilke 

May you find in yourself a courageous hospitality towards what is difficult, painful and unknown. - John O’Donoghue 

But I cannot help myself. Even in defeat, I search for that Word. That one Word that would make everything better, that could restore the glory of shattered things. A Word that could find beauty in ashes and breathe life even into the wreckage of a human heart like mine. I would wait my whole life for such a Word. And when found, with what confidence could I agree that even in the darkest of times, one bridgehead of Hope remains.

[feeling-foreign]

john mayer discography faves

EP - Inside Wants Out (9.5/10)

this ep is absolutely brilliant. i came knowing nothing about his discography so listening to a debut project i was not expecting what i heard. it’s so fantastic and portrays his brand so perfectly. like coming with a debut acoustic was amazing bc he really showed his incredible lyrical potential and genuine talent in guitar. his guitar abilities are out of this world in this record. i hope he did it all by himself. i’m shook by this ep but it definitely got me thinking how he made these songs on his own and how they could’ve sounded with more production. still, so beautiful and so good.

- Victoria

- Back to You

- No Such Thing

Room for Squares (8/10)

great debut album. he def did what i wanted him to do bringing back some songs from the ep and working on them. but it all sounded too much of the same thing so i got a bit bored and felt like i was listening to the same songs over and over. 

- Your Body Is a Wonderland

Heavier Things (8.5/10)

couldn’t really pick a favourite song bc i was listening while cooking so I didn’t pay attention to the song titles and shit. but overall I was super pumped and impressed with the versalitity of the songs. something that i felt a lot in Room for Squares is that it was too guitar-driven so most of the songs kinda sounded the same but in this one he def improved sonically wise but still remained very cohesive. loved it!

Continuum (9.5/10)

am i too biased to say this has been my favorite album so far just because it’s also shawn’s favorite?! lol it’s truly a brilliant album though. generally the first thing i thought was that it was a different frequency from the rest of his discography so far. it’s more jazz-y, slower, calmer and yet deeper. sonically it’s very mature and soothing and so it is thematically. initially it reminded me of Jack Johnson but the comparison faded as the tracks got way more profound and unique than i expected. ooh, and his vocals are sooo good. definitely see shawn getting his vocal inspiration from this record. 

- heart of life

- vultures

- stop this train

Battle Studies (9/10)

as the first track started i instantly thought: this is U2-ish. but it actually wasn’t. i loved the titles of the songs playing thematically with the album title. listening to the album i noticed how john found his genre, his sound and his way of making sonics that are guitar-driven but with great drums behind supporting it. then i noticed he really doesn’t have many collaborations on his discography. half of my heart starts playing and a familiar voice starts backing up his vocals. it gets more and more familiar and as i expected it’s taylor swift’s vocals. apparently she was featured but not anymore lol i like the concept of the track in relation to their relationship and both of them singing it. cute. as the album progresses i feel cool about it. i hear a hint of country music but it is not. assassin is a very interesting song. very different from a “normal” john song with its rock inspirations. crossroads reminds me of old maroon 5 stuff. honestly i think a lot of old taylor swift sonics were inspired by john’s sound. overall, the album truly surprised me. i didn’t have high expectations and thought it would be more of the same when i played the first two songs but i genuinely was surprised. it’s a very good album and beautifully executed. assassin might be one of my new favorites.

- heartbreak warfare

- half of my heart

- assassin

Born and Raised (7.5/10)

this is definitely john’s folk-country era lmao the songs are very well produced but i feel like it’s a more chill and grown up record. oddly it reminded a lot of niall’s first album ‘flicker’. each song is unique still. ‘walt grace’s submarine test, january 1967′ and ‘if i ver get around to living’ are such beautifully smart songs. the songwriting, especially in the first, reminded me of taylor swift again. at the beginning i was sure i wouldn’t vibe as much because of the genre but honestly it’s a great album to enjoy and chill out. it’s his harmonica album.

- shadow days

- speak for me (i connected)

- if i ever get around to living

- love is a verb (it’s the message for me)

- walt grace’s submartine test, january 1967 (good good storytelling)

- a face to call home (love the drums in it and electric guitar in it)

Paradise Valley (6.5/10)

yeehaw johnny! i read beforehand that this would be a more country album so i didn’t come unprepared. love the bridge of ‘wildfire’ (the only part that doesn’t sound like a country song lol) and the frank ocean version is nice. i also appreciate how he incorporated his signature guitar style into these country-ish songs. although it fits the genre they still have a little bit of john in them. again, a very very chill album.

- who you love ft katy perry (one of my favorite jm songs ever <3)

- i will be found (lost at sea) 

The Search for Everything (8.5/10)

this album was a pleasant surprise. initially it was a big wonder, because i didn’t know any of the songs beforehand and it seemed like it was going to be an unremarkable album. first few songs in, a country sonic demotivated me and my early assumptions were apparently becoming true, so it didn’t really excite me. then, the songs started getting more jazz-y and upbeat (something that i was terribly missing and DYING to hear in john’s discography). the whole record flipped and the songs got really interesting. i even remember listening to one of them aka ‘still feel like your man’. i loveee the interlude track ‘theme for search for everything’ and it bothered me a little bit the title ‘emoji of a wave’ in a track that is so beautiful lol anyways, i ended up loving more than i thought i would because he finally brought back some groove into this discography. to sum it up, i felt like watching a movie soundtrack. that’s how i would describe this album as.

- helpless (soooooo goooddddddd)

- in the blood

- you’re gonna live forever in me

- still feel like your man

[tayegi]

Hi.. just wanna say that you are such a great writer and i love every single fics that you write. I try to support u by buying u a coffee through the page but the paypal thing didn't work. So, im sorry for not being able to do that. So i just wanna ask u, sorry if it kinda disturbing but this is about New Rules. Did JK loves oc before Jimin did? becoz from the 1st chap JK was kinda shy towards oc or is he really just trying to hook JM with Mijoo together?

oh really? i think it’s this link right here: https://ko-fi.com/A4421L76

and hmm i dont think i would describe him as shy in ch 1... more like unprepared? or indifferent? haha. that was the first time they ever met! but u can interpret that however u want!

[btextswriting]

ONE LAST TIME {all of the guys, fluff one shot}

Author’s Note: This was a request from an anon and I really enjoyed writing it. It may be a bit choppy, but I still thought it was cute. 

Walking into the BigHit dance studio, Hobi took in a deep breath.

Smell that kids? That is the smell of hardwork! He exclaimed to his two children. A boy and a girl, both under the age of 5, as they looked up at their mother. Looking around herself, Hobi’s wife laughed.

I wonder if your signature is still in here. She mentioned and Hobi ran to the corner of the room with a feeling of hope in his chest. BTS had parted ways as a group a decade prior and although all of the guys got together from time to time, in the past few years, they mainly emailed and texted.

For Hobi, it was strange to be back in his old stomping grounds. He was now a choreographer for many of the popular groups and when he had freetime, he spent it with his kids. All of the guys were at his wedding, they even stood as his groomsmen, and when his son was born, the hyung line was able to come and meet the infant. But as time passed, the guys got more and more busy. Hobi had recently come back from training the latest boy band while they were on tour, when Jimin sent out an invitation to the guys.

BigHit is closing our old studio/practice building. I think we should go explore one last time before they leave. – JM

Hobi was keen to the idea and added bringing their families along. All of the guys agreed and now Hobi was looking around the practice room for a signature.

What you looking for, hyung? A familiar voice called out from behind him. Hobi smiled and looked at the doorway to see Jimin and his wife standing there. Jimin left his wife’s side as Hobi and him hugged. It’s been a while! I saw your choreography with that new group. … Honey, what’s their name again? Jimin turned. Hobi looked and waved at Jimin’s wife, who gave him a small bow. She had a baby sleeping in the nook of her arm as she walked up to her husband. Hobi’s eyes got wide as he looked down at the baby.

I didn’t realize you had a baby! Hobi exclaimed, but Hobi's wife stopped him.

Sweetie, I told you about it months ago, his name is Jung Wook, remember? She murmured as Hobi’s daughter walked up to Jimin’s wife.

He’s so cute! She said and Jimin laughed.

Thank you, Ji Su. He said and Ji Su’s cheeks tinted pink. Ji Su and Hobi’s wife began conversing with Jimin’s wife as Ji Hun, Hobi’s son, jumped on the dance mats that were strewn about. Turning back to Hobi, Jimin asked. Did you hear that Namjoon hyung is coming back from the States? He’s teaching out there at the moment. Hobi nodded. He and Namjoon had kept in touch, Namjoon had gone to the States to scout for new rappers, but ended up meeting his wife and settling down. Hobi and his family had flown out there a couple times, but it was hard with everyone’s schedules.

Yea, he’s very excited to tell his kids about how amazing of a leader he was. Hobi and Jimin chuckled. Oh, I heard you and Tae stayed in touch. How’s the movie star doing? Hobi chuckled as he asked. Jimin and Tae were still best friends and spent a lot of time working together. Tae had even introduced Jimin to some producers and Jimin was now working on his own movie deals. But Hobi was right to say that Tae was a movie star, after his success in multiple dramas, Tae started to pop up in movies and then finally he began being cast as the lead.

Eh, he’s alright. He’s upset that the latest movie made him miss his baby girl’s birth. Jimin shrugged.

How many does he have again? Hobi asked, but the door flung open and Tae came rushing in with four children in toe and one little girl swaddled in her mother’s arms.

Jimin laughed and held up 5 fingers for Hobi, as Hobi’s eyes almost fell out of his head.

HYUNG! HOW ARE YOU?! Tae screamed in a booming voice and his kids ran around the room. Hobi laughed and gave Tae a hug.

I’m great, but look at you! Five kids! Hobi tried to wrap his head around it as Tae nodded.

OH! You haven’t met all of them! Mi Jin, Mi Sun! He exclaimed and two little girls ran hand in hand. These are my eldest, they’re twins. He said and looked at the girls. Can you tell Hobi hyung how old you are? He asked and the little girls nodded enthusiastically.

6! They said in unison and Jimin nodded.

Hello, girls! He exclaimed and the girls smiled widely at Jimin, running over to give him a hug.

Min Jun. Tae called out and a little boy holding a blanket came walking up. He was the opposite of his father, shy and cautious, he bowed deeply towards Hobi. Hobi smiled and gave him a little bow, messing up his hair the little boy giggled. Min Jun, how old are you? He asked and the little boy held up 3 fingers. Hobi nodded and clapped his hands a little. Can you go get your little brother? Tae asked and the little boy nodded. Walking over to his 18-month old brother, Min Jun held out his hand. This is Min Sung, and he’s only a year and a half. Tae told Hobi as Hobi watched the child waddle up to him. Min Sung bowed, but midbow found something on the floor that was interesting and lost all focus on Hobi, kneeling down on the ground, Min Sung examined the speck that had caught his attention. This loss of attention made Hobi laugh at the similarity between the boy and his father. Looking over at Tae, the guy was now smiling at the baby that his wife was calmly holding in her arms.

Tae? Hobi called out and Tae looked at him a bit startled.

Oh! Right! Finally, this is my daughter, Mi Na! He exclaimed and his wife shook her head and held a finger up to his lips.

She’s finally asleep. She whispered and Hobi nodded knowingly. He looked between the two of them and saw the bags under their eyes, he remembered when his kids were small and how difficult it was to get a full night’s sleep.

Hello. Yoongi’s voice echoed through the room as he and Jin walked into the practice room.

Hyungs! Tae screamed and his wife smacked him on the chest. Jin chuckled as he put his arm around his wife’s shoulders. She was holding a little girl’s hand and Jin went over and picked up the little girl.

Jae Eun, can you say hello? He asked and the little girl, while still in her father’s arms, tried to bow, causing a small wave a laughter from the wives and husbands alike. All of the wives hugged and smiled, talking quietly as they recounted various things that had happened throughout the past couple of months. Yoongi rolled his eyes as his wife walked right over to the group of women, following her was his 2 daughters.

Women. He murmured and his daughters both turned around and stuck their tongues out at him. All of the guys had to laugh at the encounter because only Yoongi’s daughters would be so bold. They wore beanies with their dresses and black converse. Yoongi shrugged. They decided their own outfits today, I can’t help it. He chuckled along with his group mates.

Are they the same age? Tae asked as his twin girls ran around him in circles.

No, no, A Ra is a year older, she’s the one in the pink dress, and A Yeon is the one in the white dress. He looked over his shoulder and smiled at the two girls, who were now talking to Ji Su. Who’s little one is that? He asked and Hobi stepped forward.

That’s my little girl, Ji Su, she’s 4. He answered and Ji Su called out.

Four and a half, appa! She corrected her father, who smiled and let out a laugh.

Ah, I’m sorry, sweetheart. 4 and a half. He said and Yoongi laughed.

A Ra is 5 and a half, she corrects me all the time. The two of them shared a laugh as Jimin looked at his watch.

Where are Namjoon and Jungkook? They are both flying in together, but they said they would be here by now. Jimin mentioned and Tae laughed.

Ah! Always worrying about Jungkook, our little maknae is now a massive solo artist! Give the guy a break. Tae responded and Jimin smacked his arm.

Did someone say amazing massive solo artist? Jungkook called out and Yoongi rolled his eyes.

I only heard the maknae part. Yoongi responded as he smiled at the youngest member of the group, which in turn Yoongi received a small glare.

I’m not the maknae anymore, hyung. Jungkook replied, but Yoongi just shrugged.

Your birthday would say otherwise. He stated and Tae laughed loudly.

So, where’s the wife? Tae asked and Jungkook rolled his eyes.

I told you all, heavily pregnant and on bed rest.

You left your wife all alone?! Jimin exclaimed in disgust, but Jimin’s wife called out.

Jimin, don’t start trouble. She said and Jimin nodded.

Yea, hyung, don’t start trouble. Her parents are with her. Jungkook mockingly told him and Jimin shoved the younger member. But, I did bring my older son. Heon Woo? He called and the little boy waddled in, running towards his father with a smile. The messy black hair and beautiful doe eyes resembled Jungkook’s, as the youngest member knelt down and picked up the happy little boy.

Namjoon walked in with his 2 kids as he lectured the duo.

Now, appa was an amazing leader who took a group of unruly and unprepared guys and made them one of the greatest groups in the world. The gullible toddlers looked at their father in awe as Jin yelled out.

Hey! We were not unruly and unprepared, Mr. God of Destruction! Namjoon looked at the eldest member with wide eyes. Yoongi joined in.

Yea! Hey, Yu Na, Yu Min, want to see a video of your dad break a wall? Yoongi asked the two and pulled out his phone. Yu Na, the little girl, watched in amazement as her young father accidentally put his foot into a wall. Yu Min turned around and laughed as Namjoon looked at the older two members with anger.

I’m trying to show my kids how amazing I am. He said and Namjoon’s wife came to the guys defense.

It’s amazing how easily you put a hole in that wall. She murmured and hugged the two members. How are you, Jin oppa? How’s Jae Eun? Namjoon stared as his wife began changing the subject and his kids ran off.

It’s crazy that they’re tearing this place down. Jungkook mentioned to his elders as he looked around the room. A lot of blood, sweat, and tears happened in these rooms, the floors and walls held so many stories of anguish and triumph for the group of seven guys that stood there. Now they wore different clothes, their hair was naturally colored, their faces etched with a few new wrinkles. However, these rooms were where they all became family, the awards and success were just a reward, but the true accomplishment was how close they all became.

All seven of them swapped stories of their lives now, but they also reminisced on the good old times. Remember the time Yoongi’s hair looked like hay? Jin laughingly asked. Oh my god, remember how Tae thought it was a good idea to tell everyone Jungkook was thinking of quitting the band? Jimin asked and the stories just kept coming.

The group was mismatched and unruly, that’s for sure. But even after all this time, they were able to come together and talk like nothing had changed. The wives all spoke to one another about their children, watching on as the group of kids all 6 and under, played and laughed. In a weird way, time had stopped for them in that moment. They were able to come together in the place where it had all began one last time.

[kanmom51]

Well the hugs thing at this point in history IS actually weird. I remember jk hugging the president of SK when they met him in France with more warmth and comfortableness than he's ever hugged jm; and that is not an exaggeration. It used to bother me a lot, now I'm kinda over as it doesn't upset me anymore but I still think it's really weird.

Before I talk about this I have to emphasize that when we talk about these hugs, these are hugs on camera initiated by JM.

I also want to make it clear that in no way do I think that this is JK rejecting JM !!

When I think of JK when he hugs JM in those situations the word that comes to my mind is 'weary'.

But why? Why is it when JM is the instigator or when JK is caught off guard he goes all funny, sometimes he goes all mushy, sometimes all stiff, at times he either can't bring himself to give a full hug or others can't bring himself to touch JM with his hands (he will hug him but his hands aren't fully touching JM).

It always feels like he is holding himself back. Why?

The answer for me is always goes back to lack of control. He is not in control of the situation. He is on camera, he doesn't know how it looks in that specific moment. Because when JK is in control of the situation it's a whole different ball game. When JK is in charge and JK wants, well then JK hugs, and goes all in.

It's when JK is caught off guard or unprepared that things go all weird.

And it's really funny, because he has no problem with the other members when it comes to hugging or being hugged, only JM.

So fear of how it might be interpreted? Perhaps. But then he will go and suck on JM's ear in front of 10s of thousands. So perhaps less fear of how it looks and more fear of loss of control? Or perhaps both intertwined?

In those moments of boldness JK is in total control, he knows what he wants to do, knows how it looks and what the message he wants to send is. Doesn't mean he thought it through. Doesn't mean it isn't impulsive and maybe later on he won't second guess himself for what he has done. But at that moment he is the one in control, and I think that is the difference.

When you are a shy person, someone who isn't highly self confident or suffer from anxiety, there is a need to be in control of the situation. Being in control is something you draw your confidence from. Being caught off guard can be unsettling and even frightening at times.

So, my answer, as usual with JK is : it's all about being in control of the situation.

[jmsales1]

My Ayahuasca Experience – The Best Amazon Ayahuasca Retreat

Consume ayahuasca as well as you could see on your own being consumed by a crocodile. You could locate a remarkable resolution to a debilitating despair. Or, more probable, you’ll land someplace between. No matter, you will certainly regurgitate. Writer and also ethnobotanist Chris Kilham states every one of these points have actually taken place to him after consuming this psychedelic Amazonian mixture.

If you have not become aware of ayahuasca, you could quickly. While when taken in mostly by citizens of the Amazon container, today, thousands see Latin American nations each year to drink it, with the hopes of seeing extensive visions, having spiritual experiences as well as– lots of insurance claim– going through tremendous recovery. Ayahuasca currently has actually dedicated fans throughout the globe.

Kilham, that calls himself the “medication seeker” as well as has actually taken a trip to as well as periodically resided in the Amazon for greater than twenty years, claims that he is a company follower in the recovery homes of the beverage, which is made from the bark of a forest creeping plant called Banisteriopsis Caapi, and also typically combined with various other plants like the fallen leaves of the Justicia pectoralis or Psychotria viridis. It has actually been intoxicated by medicine men throughout the area for countless years as a part of standard recovery procedures: the visions prompted by the mixture assisted the medicine man to the his person’s issue.

Influenced by his experiences with the mixture, Kilham has actually composed a publication called The Ayahuasca Examination Pilots Manual: The Crucial Overview of Ayahuasca Journeying, which he deems guide for individuals curious about the subject, or a recommendation for individuals that have actually currently experienced it.

The beverage’s psychedelic residential or commercial properties are believed to originate from the visibility of a psychedelic substance called DMT. Usually, when an individual consumes DMT, the mind refines it rapidly and also it has no psychedelic results. Ayahuasca additionally has monoamine oxidase preventions (from the B. Caapi creeping plant), which stop the mind from doing its handling work efficiently. Several, like Kilham, likewise think that the ayahuasca experience results from connecting with the plants’ spirits. Way out.

I took a seat with Kilham�� a dynamic, amusing guy that sporting activities a moustache and also a goatee– to become aware of his publication as well as experiences with the mixture.

Exactly how did you initially obtain thinking about the Amazon as well as ayahuasca?

When I was young I check out a publication called Wizard of the Upper Amazon, an account of a guy that was abducted by people of Indians and also invested Two Decade deep in the Amazonian jungle under the tutoring of ayahuasca-taking witch doctors. That shocking account obtained me curious about plant medications and also the Amazon, where I mosted likely to live among indigenous individuals in the 90s.

As well as why did you initially make a decision to take ayahuasca?

My mom passed away concerning 9 years back. I’m typically amazing with fatality and also emergency situations, and also proficient at assisting others out in times of dilemma. When my mommy passed away, I entirely dropped apart. And also after grieving for also long, I recognized I required aid. And also I do not imply being in a specialist’s workplace and also talking. I called my friend Dennis McKenna and also I asked him for referrals for ayahuasca medicine men.

[Editor’s Note: Dennis McKenna is the more youthful sibling of Terence McKenna, a veteran as well as forthright supporter of using hallucinogens for recovery functions, and also the man that thought of the “stoned ape concept,” which recommends that human awareness emerged as a result of human forefathers’ intake of psilocybin mushrooms. Dennis is a widely known ethnopharmacologist in his very own.] He informed me regarding one medicine man in Peru, that I mosted likely to satisfy throughout completion of a journey to the Amazon, where I go regularly. I turned up to this location with 3 evenings to invest. He asked me why I existed, as well as I informed him I intended to overcome the pain as well as obtain my power back.

He informed me, “yes, we could care for that.”

We had an event and also I consumed alcohol some of the mixture. I have experience with some psychedelics, yet I was still rather unprepared for the astonishing strength of ayahuasca. I began having lush visions, seeing the wheels of deep space transforming. And after that all the abrupt I was talking with my mom.

She claimed, “simply live, dear. Do your job as well as appreciate on your own.” After talking for a pair mins, the sorrow was gone, as well as it hasn’t already return. Which was 8 years back.

That made me a follower in the recovery powers of ayahuasca.

And afterwards the 2nd evening I obtained my power back via strange methods. I saw an enormous anaconda floating over me, for hrs, battering the facility of my upper body so hard it in fact seemed like someone was punching me in the upper body. I actually assumed I was mosting likely to have actually fractured ribs when this mores than. Of training course I really did not. When that evening was done, kid, I had my power back, I can have gone to Bolivia. Check out how to buy ayahuasca ingredients.

from JM Sales http://ift.tt/2pJl7IS

from My Ayahuasca Experience – The Best Amazon Ayahuasca Retreat

[kanmom51]

jimin has said he's shy in 2017, 2018, and 2020...just bc he's very open and carefree around the members doesn't negate that he himself has said that he's also shy.

I can remember, off the top of my head, 2 times this has come up.  In a radio interview either in 2014 or 2015 in relation to being shy with girls, and in an interview maybe in 2017 where Jimin said he was shy and the members all laughed about it.  You say he mentioned it in 2018 and 2020, I would love for you to send me the links.  Not only the words said are important, but also the context in which they were said.

Dictionary definition of shy: 

“nervous or timid in the company of other people”.

That is exact definition of Jimin.  Sorry, but Yeah - Nah.

He may have been shy when he was younger, something he struggled with and overcame, but even that is something I find hard to swallow looking at his credentials, even in high school.  JM is a born leader.  He is charismatic, he is an attention seeker. He is not carefree only around the members, as you put it.  Have you seen  him take the microphone and own it at any given time?  Apart from RM, he is the most eloquent amongst the members, and it’s off the top of his head.  Have you seen him flirting with commentators or interviewers, total strangers?  If he was shy, by now he has most definitely overcome it.

I know shy.  I have been struggling with shyness since a very young age.  As a shy person connecting with strangers is super hard.  Small talk can be excruciatingly painful.  Actually physically painful.  Being in new unknown surroundings, when you are not the one in control can be overwhelming.  

JK, on the other hand, he is someone that I can see as being shy.  His behaviour is textbook shy behaviour.  I see so much of myself in him.  His awkwardness with strangers, or uneasiness when he is caught unprepared or of guard.

Saying all of that, there are levels of shy.  And maybe Jimin sees himself as such, maybe on a certain level he is/was shy, but if so, he is doing a hell of a good job overcoming it. 

[kanmom51]

Waiting on the day JK loses it and kisses JM during one of JM's "I love seeing my boyfriend flustered" moments. He's all cool and collected when he's doing it, but when tables turn, he can't handle it and Rosebowl is the perfect example of JM being unprepared for JK's boldness. JM was shaking and JK had goosebumps during Rosebowl, which shows that moment was HUGE for them both. JM gonna lose it when JK doesn't pull away next time. AND Jikook will get away with it & I'll have my popcorn ready.

Yeah, you won't be getting to see it though, so really really sorry to burst your bubble anon. Lol.

This is exactly one of those moments that will most definitely, no questions asked, be edited out (who knows, maybe it already happened).