#jk jk it's fine all that matters to me is that you guys like it

[bunnyhugs77]

Driven 2 U

Pairing: Rich! Reader x Mechanic! Jungkook

Word Count: 5.2k

Notes: am i back from the dead??

Content Warning: reader is a bit spoiled but she can't help it!, ft manager! yoongi, jk is so whipped, fluff, car troubles, reader is a bad driver, kissing, witty jk, some smut, pining, mentionsn of ex boyfriends, dirty hands, flowers, reader is a bit oblivious, mention of death, jungkook is delusional just like us.

Other Content: making out, late-night rendezvous, choking, semi-public sex, they're both so desperate, marking, soft dom! jk, light hair pulling, oral sex (f! receiving), cute conversations in between, praise.

The sun beamed down gently between the spaces of the clouds that littered the otherwise bright blue sky. Your Chanel sunglasses framed your face perfectly and your arm rested on the ledge of the window as you steered with the other. The air was sweeter, the flowers were in full bloom and the grass seemed greener.

The world always seemed so much more colourful when you had a hair appointment ahead of you. "I swear this is your third hair appointment this month." Yerin's voice rings through your aux, judgy as always, but you love her for it. She's been your best friend since you could walk, if anyone was gonna call you out it was gonna be her--it could only be her. You didn't listen to anyone else.

Especially not your overprotective dad, who kept nagging you to get your engine checked since that little light kept flashing at you. You didn't see the point. You thought of yourself as a pretty good driver even though all of your passengers often fled the moment you parked, swearing to never get in a car with you again, but they always came back.

"Yeah? What's your point? These roots aren't gonna touch up themselves." Your car began to jolt, "Uhh-" You trailed off, looking down to your dashboard and scanning for a source of the issue, "What?" Yerin asks and you quickly begin to lose speed. \

Turning on your four-ways you begin to pull over on the side of the road, "My engine light is flashing red and there's smoke coming out from my hood, is that bad?" Yerin doesn't say anything, there's silence in the car until she exhales, "You need to take your car to a mechanic like yesterday."

"-But I can't take it to Wheely's, that's where Jae used to take me whenever my car needed work." This time Yerin made sure you could hear her distress with an extra long sigh, "You guys broke up almost 6 months ago, I doubt they remember you. It's not like they'll refuse service because you broke up with one of their customers."

"Okay fine. You're lucky it's close, I'll just drive-" Before your hand could even make contact with the clutch, you're interrupted by a shout, "Do not even think about moving that car, Y/n. You'll completely kill the engine. Just call a tow truck. As a matter of fact, I'll call one for you."

That brings you to where you are right now. The passenger seat of a high-rimmed tow truck with a rugged driver. He seemed miserable to you at first, hooking your car up with a lot of grunts and 'tsks' slipping through clenched teeth until he really looked at you, eyes looking you up then down, taking in your very wealthy attire.

Suddenly small talk and friendly conversation were being made. With a rocky abruption, you bounced in your seat as the truck pulled into the back alley of the shop where there were lots of other damaged cars sitting around.

You thanked him and tipped him one hundred dollars. You clearly had no general comprehension of the value of a dollar, not when it comes to tipping at least.

You stood off to the side of the open garage, against the wall, waiting for the driver to come back after he'd gone inside to notify the mechanics that your car would need to be manually rolled in.

"You're still rolling in this piece of junk, Scooter?" A voice catches your attention two more men walk out of the garage alongside the driver. It seems the driver was known as Scooter around here though you doubt that's his real name.

"Hey, you better watch it, ol'Ruby here may be a bit aged but she's got character." Scooter taps the hood of the rusty pick-up truck while the two men stand in front of him with their arms crossed, one with mint hair and the other with dark locks; both of their backs facing you, yet to notice you were standing there.

"A bit aged? I'm certain Julius Cesar could identify it." The mint-haired man jokes and the brunette laughs while Scooter rolls his eyes.

Scooter waves you over, cueing the two men to look over their shoulders, a bit shocked they hadn't noticed you standing there earlier. "This is Yoongi and Jungkook, they'll be overseeing your repairs." They finally turned and Yoongi hardly got a full glance at you before his gaze was fixated on the man beside him who couldn't look away.

Unsure if your mind was playing tricks on you but you're fairly certain you'd seen them both before. Maybe not for long as you'd only ever been at the mechanics for a few short moments while Jae dropped off your car and switched into his.

Eyes wide and alert, you resembled a deer in headlights, unable to hold the soft gaze that was being sent your way. "Don't worry, you're in good hands," Yoongi reassures while Scooter gets back in his truck and pulls out.

"We need to roll it in, Jungkook and I are going to push from behind the car. Do you mind getting in the front and just steering to make sure to aim for the inside of the garage? Try to get it between the two pylons." Yoongie points into the garage where there are two markers a few meters apart.

Agreeing, you're just about to get back into the front seat when your phone rings. Both men were already in position, strong arms bracing the trunk and hunched over slightly, legs split apart, ready to bear the force back into the ground with each push, but you answered the phone instead.

Yoongi's brow arched while Jungkook just watched you.

"Y/n speaking."

It was your hairdresser, calling to see if you were still on your way as expected. Your heart sunk, you'd nearly forgotten ever since your car committed suicide and then Yerin was yelling at you.

"I'm so sorry- my car broke down and--" The boys listen intently, nosey as always. It wasn't often they had someone so interesting stroll into their quarters in the middle of the week.

"Yes, I know you're very busy and I would never want to waste your time--" You start but she interrupts you again. "No! Please don't put me on the waitlist I'll be there. I'm coming!" Hastily you get into the driver's seat and steer it in with the guys pushing behind you.

You got out nervously panicking, scrolling through all your contacts for someone to give you a ride. "Something wrong?" Jungkook couldn't help himself. He had to ask, even though he knew the answer.

"I have a hair appointment and she'd booked through for the next three months and if I'm not there in the next 15 minutes she's giving my spot away." Jungkook just stood there, while Yoongi worked on elevating the car.

Not a thought behind his eyes at your worries. You were in your own world for that to be your biggest concern but he tried to understand. "Why not get a Lyft?"

"Ew," Your hand clasps over your mouth almost immediately. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that--or to offend you-" Now Jungkook seemed taken aback, "Why would that offend me?" Your mouth gapes open like a fish before finally shutting.

"I'm just saying, the choice is yours. You can either get a Lyft or call the b-b-bus." He puts on a horrified expression as he chops up the last word to get it through to you. The result on your face was priceless.

"How about you give me a ride? I'll pay you." He stills, straightening his posture while his brows contorted, evidently confused. Even though Yoongi was on the opposite side of the car, crouched down on one knee, he too was confused. That wasn't an option. Jungkook is in full uniform, on the clock.

Does he get ahead of himself sometimes? Yes. The kid's got a big heart but he's not crazy, there's no way he would- "I'll get my keys." Yoongi lets his head fall in disappointment.

Jungkook led you around the back of the building then outside to the lot where he was parked and you turned to him blankly. "Which one is yours?" He unlocks the car as an answer, the headlights flashing at you. Quick on your heels you pivot to face him.

"This is your car?" Your acrylic points to the grey polished, sleek sports car that had the two doors opening on their own. "Not too shabby for the working class, huh?" He quips and you swat at his arm.

"I already said I was sorry about the Lyft thing, will you just let it go already? He snorts at how flustered you're getting, "Already? That was literally 60 seconds ago." You pout and get into the car, avoiding any further conversation.

His car smelled good, like really good. You found yourself taking deeper breaths than usual. It was hard to describe the smell but if you tried you would describe it as a bold yet comforting aroma, it almost reminded you of a man's cologne but mixed with the fresh scent of smoked leather. Sweet but musky.

"Leave some air for me." Jungkook jokes and your eyes nearly pop out of their sockets, he pulls out of the lot and heads for the address you gave him. "Just hurry up." You slouch back into the seat hoping the chair would consume you.

"You do realize you're basically in a Lyft right now." Jungkook points out as the ending revs and the car accelerates, cutting up traffic, one hand on the wheel and the other out the window, just like you.

You ignored how attractive his driving was and zeroed in on the topic at hand. "No, this is different. I personally hired you, for the next..." You lean forward to see the GPS and the remaining time to your location, "6 minutes, you're my personal chauffeur." He just had to laugh, all those times he saw you with Jae, he'd always wondered what you'd be like.

He never would've guessed you be so full of...you. But it would be one hell of a lie if he said it didn't add to your appeal. He was no longer in dangerous waters, no no. The moment he accepted your proposition, he'd thrown himself into shark-infested waves with a pressuring current, destined to pull him to the bottom.

Jungkook pulled up to the side of the salon and you hurried got out. "Thank you, Jungkook. I really appreciate it; oh and take care of my car!" You smile from outside the window looking in, about to leave when you reach for your phone and hand it to him.

His heart leaps from his chest. That's it? So easy? He lags for a moment, staring at your arm that was outstretched to him. "So you can tell me when my car is ready."

Oh.

"OH. Yeah. Of course." he enters in his information before handing it back to you, and the sight of your bouncy steps in your high heels and sunglasses is the last he sees of you before he makes his way back to the shop.

-

Walking into the garage he picks up an oil cloth that he knows he'll need soon. Startled, Jungkook's hand grabs his chest as Yoongi pops up from behind the car, the opened trunk shielding him from sight before. Grease-covered hands and stained attire are what he notices before his displeased expression.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't get in the front seat and back this car over you." He threatens, not a smile in sight except for the big one that spreads across Jungkook's apologetic face. "Because I'll work overtime for a week, unpaid."

Yoongi taps the wrench in his palm, thinking about it. "You were on the clock, Jeon. Make it two."

"Deal."

The two round the car to the open hood to get a better look at the engine. "Was it at least worth it? I know you've had your eyes on her since she first came in with that guy like two years ago."

"She's funny and she's beautiful. It's so over for me." Yoongi chuckles, reaching his hand into the hood, and starting the repairs. "Just ask her out, I don't see what the big deal is." He shrugs and Jungkook's head slowly turns, "This could be the love of my life, Yoongi. One wrong move and I lose my one chance, all my greatest dreams and aspirations-" Yoongi playfully closes the hood on Jungkooks fingers to shut him up.

"Alright Shakespeare, now help me get this engine out."

--

A week goes by when you are flipping through a magazine, 'What's the perfect job for you' the letters read and surprise surprise you got a model. You smiled as you placed the magazine back down on the craft services table as the photographer called you over to the center to resume the shoot.

This was for the cover of Serpahine, thankfully you weren't as nervous this time around as you were three years ago when it was your first time.

You'd been in the modelling world for a few years now, you got into it on a whim not expecting to really go anywhere with it, but the people loved you. You were only 19 when you went to your first shoot for a local retail store, fast forward six years and you'd actually driven past a billboard with your face on it this morning.

Once the shoot was done you finally reconnected with your beloved phone and saw there was a message from an unsaved number. "Your car is ready for pick up." Ah, finally.

You were sick of carpooling and hiring drivers this week, all you wanted was to finally get back behind the wheel of your own car.

The evening hadn't escaped you just yet. The sun was still out but slowly setting and casting an orange hue as you got out of the car in front of Wheeley's and dismissed them.

You could already see Jungkook from where you stood outside of the garage. Leant over the hood of another car, sleeves rolled up and tattoos on display. Just when he couldn't get any hotter.

You knocked on the wall, not sure if you could enter. He looks up with a glance before doing an immediate double take and stands to his full height. He welcomes you with a soft smile and gestures you over.

You approached him slowly, the last thing you wanted was to eat shit and land on the greasy floors in front of him.

The closer you got, the more intense his gaze became, "Wow, you look amazing." Jungkook compliments almost speechless. It was like you'd gotten even prettier from the last time he'd seen you.

Instinctively, you play with the chain of your white gold orchid necklace. It was just something you did when you were flattered or shy, in this case, a bit of both.

"Ahem." Neither of you had any idea where Yoongi had come from but he spawned and reminded Jungkook to stay focused before he vanished back into his office.

"Right. So. We assessed the damage to your engine, and the overheating engine caused the gasket to blow, causing the coolant and the oil to start mixing which is very bad." You could tell he was dumbing down the words for you and you had to stop yourself from chewing on your lower lip as he talked.

He's so hot when he talks about cars and stuff. "Are you following?" What? You thought you were doing such a good job of listening. He continued to explain what had been done and import fees and blah blah blah.

You weren't listening to a damn thing he was saying and Jungkook could tell. If he was being honest, he was hardly listening to himself, brain so warped on the fact that this was probably the last time he'd see you for a long time.

He walked you over to the register, "With the coverage you get from guardian auto insurance it reduces your initial price from 2,785.61 to 875.50." You blinked, guardian auto insurance. You had no memory of buying that, which is why you assumed your dad did and thank god for that.

Not that you couldn't afford the initial price but who would want to spend money on boring car stuff when they could go shopping? You paid and then remembered something.

"Here's your tip, for the Lyft." You smile handing him a hundred-dollar bill and he just smiles, not reaching for the money. "Aren't you gonna take it?" He shakes his head. "The car did all the work, all I did was steer. Besides, if I were you, I'd consider putting my money towards a better car."

Your hand falters, and you pout. "What's wrong with my Magma GRT?"

"I hate to say it, but this is the worst car money can buy. I see about three of these every week. For starters, the engineering of it is shit, it makes our job ten times harder. Not to mention it was wired by preschoolers, the batteries are cheap and I can guarantee you, your transmission is gonna blow sometime in the next year."

You stood there, jaw dropped.

"That's not true." You argue, feeling defensive over your sweet baby.

Jungkook guides you over to the hood of the car he had just been working on. "I'll take everything back if you can show me where the engine is."

You stood there for a solid minute, really giving it hard thought. "It's right here." You hold up the middle finger in front of his face before walking away and he laughs taking long strides to catch up to your furious pace.

"Where is my car, anyway?" Jungkook leads you around the back where the completed cars sit with a ticket on the windshield. He watched you excitedly hop into the driver's seat and run your hands over the wheel, then touching the fuzzy orchids that hung from your mirror.

You started it up and she sounded better than ever. You got out and fought the urge to do a little dance but you lost. It was cute, adorable really. "Thank you!" Without even thinking you placed a quick peck on his cheek before you returned to your car, honking at him twice before you sped off.

His fingers lightly grazed the cheek your lips had just met. His vision started to blur, he was about to faint. And then the doom settled in his stomach, you were gone.

--

"Let's take 5 everyone. Y/n, a minute." The head photographer calls you over. "What's going on? You seem out of it, and you can't be out of it. Not until this shoot is done, at least. I've got bills to pay too."

It's been a few weeks since you'd gotten your car fixed but now everything else felt broken. Suddenly a new outfit didn't put a smile on your face, and the buzz you got from a night out at the bar didn't compare to the flames you felt with the few moments you had with that pretty mechanic.

You shake away the thoughts and apologize, reassuring him that you'd get your head back in the game.

--

It's been a month.

He hasn't texted you, which isn't crazy considering you gave him your number for repair purposes only. Though it did make you sad to know he ignored the resource he had to contact you. Then again the phone did work both ways.

You were spiralling, just a tad.

Besides, you didn't want to text him, you needed to see him, but you can't just show up to a mechanic for no reason...

You paced around your room until your gaze landed on your car keys.

You shake your head.

No.

That's crazy.

You grab the keys anyway.

After a quick Google search, you concluded that this evening you would be making an impromptu trip to the gas station. Your tank holds about 30 liters so you pumped it with 35.

Once you got back in the car, just as Google said, your check engine light was on. At least this time it wasn't red.

"Oh no, looks like I've gotta get a check-up."

-

You pulled onto the lot with a mischievous grin, you weren't sure how you were going to pull this off but you had to.

Parking outside the open garage, you locked the car before walking in, looking around for any signs of anyone but it was empty--

"Back so soon?" You turn, face to face with the same face you'd been wanting to see for weeks. "Well yeah, I-"

The loud engine of that familiar tow truck came roaring up the driveway. A loud horn caught your attention. "Come on Jeon, roadside call ain't gonna solve itself!" Scooter shouts and Jungkook visibly gulps, looking between the two of you with a panicked gaze.

"I'm sorry, I have to go. Yoongi is in his office, he can help you."

Your shoulders slumped and your pout was prominent. Let this be the first and last time you ever stuck your neck out for a man.

-

A few days had passed when Jungkook sent you the invoice for your repairs. Your eyes analyzed the familiar statement of reduction showing that Guardian Auto Insurance saved you another 600 dollars.

You sighed.

You completed the transaction online and made sure to avoid him at all costs when you picked up your car. Unable to face him after he had blown you off. Even though you know it wasn't intentional, it was still humiliating.

The following weeks may not have been anything special for you but were most certainly eventful for Yerin. "I warned you not to dance on top of that bar." You joke as you walk Yerin out of the emergency room with a slight hangover while she has a cast on her left arm.

After driving her back to her place, not a silent ride at that, even on three different pain killers she was still whining about this curb and that curb, 'watch out for that pedestrian' she would yell as if you didn't have eyes.

"How am I supposed to get to work tomorrow." She sulks, resting her cast on a nearby couch cushion. "I can take you." You offer and she glares, "I guess I wasn't clear. I need to make it in one piece." You rolled your eyes.

"I'll just take my car, driving with one hand can't be that hard." She shrugs.

"It's not, but you're not left-handed. It's a bad idea." You warn but she is more stubborn than you are.

-

It was only around 10 am the following morning when you received a message from Yerin. She attached an image of her car, it looked normal aside from the missing side mirror.

Oh boy.

'I told you so.' You send her and she replies with a middle finger.

'Now it's your turn to go to Wheeley's and make sure to use your guardian auto insurance. Saves a ton.'

She gives you a thumbs up.

Talking about that shop made your mind wander. You wonder how Jungkook was doing. It's been a while since you last saw him. Sometimes you regret not sticking around for him to come back, or even avoiding him to pick up your car.

But maybe this was for the best.

Besides, you were just a customer. One of many. You're sure he's forgotten all about you.

-

Your phone buzzes once, then twice, pulling you out of the realm of peace and tranquillity that your nap had rolled you into. You'd fallen asleep on the couch while reruns of your favourite movie passed by on your screen. "Hello?"

"Guardian Auto Insurance my ass. I was charged $450. I asked Yoongi to double check and he said apparently that doesn't even exist." Slowly sitting up, you try to make sense of it.

How's that possible? If it doesn't exist then who made it up?-

Oh shit.

You quickly finish the call with Yerin, and check the time. The shop would close in about an hour, you had little time to get ready before you made your way there.

Pulling into the driveway so late at night made your headlights seem like spotlights, bouncing off every reflective surface in sight. Catching Jungkook's attention as he wasn't expecting anyone this late at night.

In his fitted jumpsuit, he watched the car pull up closer to the garage, shining the bright light in his face until the engine was shut off. He'd seen this car hundreds of times. He couldn't get his hopes up, but the second your red bottoms hit the concrete his heart was pounding.

You were headed right towards him.

You looked angry- no, upset, no-

"When were you gonna tell me that there's really no Guardian Auto Insurance and that you've been covering 80% of my costs out of your own pocket?" You definitely sounded angry but your gaze seemed... soft.

You stopped right in front of him, face to face. Your breathing was heavy and your brows furrowed as your eyes danced between both of his deep brown, apologetic ones. "I-"

"Just shut up." Grabbing a gentle hold of his cheeks in your hands, you pulled his lips down to meet yours. It took Jungkook a second to process what was going on but once his brain caught up, so did his hands.

He held you securely at the waist, tugging you into him until your front was against his and he worked his tongue with yours. Your heads tilted slightly to deepen the kiss.

You always knew he'd be a great kisser, but this was taking your breath away. Literally. You pulled away from him, lungs reaching for a much-needed dose of oxygen while Jungkook did the same. His gaze was much darker.

"You and this stupid uniform. I want to finally see what's underneath-" Reaching for his buttons, you're able to get the first four undone with a few stray kisses to his neck that send Jungkook absolutely reeling. A soft moan escapes him before he pulls back.

"Wait. Wait, I have something for you." He disappears into one of the offices before coming back with a bouquet of orchids. Your gasp is genuine.

"Yoongi said a friend of yours was in the shop earlier and I'd already been thinking about you non-stop so I just took it as a sign to reach out. I was actually going to bring these to you later once the shop closed. I noticed you had orchids on your necklace and in your car so I just thought you'd like them." You give them a sniff. "I love them. They were actually my mom's favourite flower before she passed."

He frowns, "I'm sorry to hear that," you give him a sad smile, "Thank you, it means a lot. Really. But we can talk about that later," You place the flowers behind you on the trunk of the car. Jungkook grins.

"You're very direct aren't you." You shrug. "You'll get used to it."

He walks up to you, looking down at you with the six inches his head carried over yours. "Oh, will I?" You nod with unwavering confidence. "Unless you can't handle it-" A big, gentle hand is placed around your neck, no pressure applied until he speaks, "I'm not the one who needs to be worried about."

With that said he slowly sinks himself to his knees, big hands reaching under your ruffled skirt, taking two handfuls of your ass and giving it a firm squeeze. You gasp as you feel him slowly drag a finger along the soaked fabric of your panties.

"Please, Jungkook." The harmonious sound of you begging rattled him to his core. With no self-restraint, he would do anything you asked. "Don't worry princess, I've got you. Gonna take good care of you." he pulls down the only thing keeping him from your soaked cunt and a low growl rumbles in his chest at the sight.

He helps you to step out of your panties with your heels still on, he couldn't let your bare feet touch the floors. You open your hand for the garment but you roll your eyes at the sight of him pocketing them in his uniform. You already know you'll never see them again and you accept it.

He has you bunch up your skirt around your waist for better sight. Smoothly he places one leg over his shoulder while your body rests against the trunk of the car. The grip he holds on your left thigh is tight enough to make your brain spin and surely marks will follow.

"See. I always knew I'd have you on your knees for me one d-AY. Oh fuck!" Jungkook can't be bothered to bark back at you not when he has an insatiable appetite and a full meal right in front of him.

His jaw worked itself as he lapped up at your center. Tongue long and warm, licking every square inch of you until you couldn't take it, hands reaching desperately for his hair and he groaned.

Once he finally had you where he wanted you, reduced to nothing but begs and whimpers, he allowed his tongue to flick over your clit repeatedly, until he felt half of your body weight fall onto his right shoulder for a moment.

You could hardly even keep yourself up. He was going to make sure you remembered this. "Oh shit! P-please Jungkook. M'So close." He groans, his right hand pressing down on the solid bulge in his pants for a little relief.

Your slick was running down his chin, some even down the sides of his neck as he worked you with his tongue. Writhing nonstop, though this wouldn't be an issue if he had a better environment. He'd have you pinned and unable to run from him.

To finish you off he let his teeth graze so lightly over your clit, you almost wouldn't feel it had he not heightened your senses to such an extreme with his intricate pussy eating.

You came with his name falling off your lips.

Your face turns beet red as he tells you to look down at the mess you made on the ground below you. "What were you saying earlier? Something about me being on my knees for you-"

"Just fuck me already." Jungkook stands back up to his full height, clicking his tongue with tsk' sounds. "I pay for your repairs, I buy you flowers, I make you cum and this is how you talk to me? Where are your manners." Jungkook adjusts your skirt so it's back in place and he picks you up to sit on the trunk.

"Besides. I'm not fucking you in here. I wanna take you out first." You smile at that, "Finally, a smile." He remarks, and your body limps forward naturally, your arms wrapping around his neck while your head settles in the crook of his neck and your eyes flutter shut. You ignore his previous statement until he whispers in your ears. "You do realize the garage was open this whole time, and anyone who drove by got a front-row show?" Your eyes shoot open.

[amarmoria]

Summer Heat

Kook!Reader

Rafe Cameron x Reader or JJ Maybank x Reader?

Rafe is with Sofia here, JJ swoops in and saves you, though I don't think Rafe really liked that.

Wc: 3.2k

Notes: 'finish your wips! finish your wips! Finish your wips!' I will whip you, JK, ofc I will, but I js had to write these two ��⁠(⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠-⁠⁄⁠•⁠⁄⁠ ⁠⁄⁠)⁠⁄

(set somewhere in s4)

You're watching them.

Rafe and Sofia. Dancing around each other with no care in the world for who knows how long.

The drink you've been nursing has long been warm in your hand when you hear them laughing, so sweet so bitter, if not the crowd around you, you would've been vomiting your stomach out.

Another gurgle in your stomach sends you sitting down on one of the wooden high chairs, the legs slightly sinking into the sand as you place your long forgotten drink on the counter.

You didn't even have the appetite to drink anything, let alone party, why'd you even come here? Your jaw flexes as another wave of nausea hits you, you should've stopped 7 cups ago. You're not normally a drinker, in all senses you hate seeing people drunk of their asses, you're always the sober sister when it comes to these parties, only drinking a cup or two to loosen up, never drunk though, not like this.

Despite the booming speakers you can still hear them, like they're just right behind you, the thought sends you shivering, you wanted to puke, so bad, not sure if it's because of the alcohol or the other, maybe both, you're not sure.

Then a guy comes beside you, recklessly stumbling to sit on the chair, you roll your eyes, oh good, a pogue.

You've never been the one to pay attention to the ongoing war between the kooks and pogues, you're all just people living on an island, even though your boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, has always wanted to show them who's the boss, the one on top, it sounded childish, how a grown man, not really, like him would choose to have a beef with teens not less than one or two years younger than him, he seemed almost sure he can drive them off the island like insects.

Your thoughts were stolen away when the guy beside you bumps your shoulder, maybe from trying to adjust the chair or whatever.

"Shit sssorry— my bad, man" he chuckles as he downs a shot.

"It's fine-" you pause when you finally glance at him.

"Mhm? Got you speechless huh?"

"Aren't you—?"

"Maybanks' son, yeah, uh-huh, been there, done that," he waves you off. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. Just a little shocked,"

"Shocked. Yeah, a very common reaction in seeing a pogue in a kook party."

"No I—!"

"Tis fiine, got nothin' to worry 'bout, sweetheart" you cringe at the name, if not the forced accent he just did.

"Hit a nerve huh?"

"N-no.."

"Yeahhhh, def did."

"Are you drunk?"

"Nahh, just tipsy, nothin' compared to me in a pogue party."

"Pogue party?" Your eyebrows furrow. "Yeah, like a party on our turf of the island? You're not that clueless are you kook?"

Your face heats up. "I-I'm not! It's just that, a party is a party no matter where it is, so might as well say that this party is boring compared to yours."

"Hahhh, you're very funnyy for a koook"

"And you're pretty rude for a pogue."

"Huh, didn't you say a party is a party no matter where it is?"

"I'm talking about the party, not you."

"Sooo, serious kook, you should loooosen upp firsss"

"Ugh, I'm too drunk for this." You rolled your eyes and turned around, making your back face him.

A few seconds passed and he was suspiciously quiet, your attention going back to the still dancing couple at the center.

"Sayyy, we get outta heree" you yelp as he flicks your head. "W-wha, I don't even know you."

"JJ Maybank at your service" he bows, pretending to put on a top hat and fixing his imaginary mustache.

You couldn't stop the chuckle that escapes you.

"Now you know me, so should we dip or what?"

"Still no, I don't go with strangers, especially at night."

"You kill joy doucheee" you laugh as he almost tips over. "Careful there."

"Sir yes sir!"

You laugh again. "You're very funny for a pogue"

He joins you laughing, then he burps abruptly and laughs again. "Well, you're not so bad yourself kook"

"What do you say huh? Ditch this thing-a-ma-bob of a party for a real one?"

"Hm, let me think" if you were any sober you would've quickly turned him down and safely went home, but the alcohol in your system was wurly burly, and it maybe, just maybe, had a play at your decision.

"Fine—"

"Yes!" He animatedly made a goofy jump, he paused when his hand was about to reach for yours, quickly taking it back like you've burned him.

"Follow me, mademoiselle!"

You chuckle as he jogged just further in front of you. You unknowingly followed him through the busy crowd, slightly get annoyed when the others curse at him quietly, angry that a pogue was here, but he didn't seem to mind, almost like he was used to it.

Your mood turns slightly sour, you can't even take a little criticism, a little curse at you would send you spiraling and weepy, you didn't like it when people didn't like you, so you can't imagine what he's even feeling right now, he didn't seem bothered by it, but it bothered you.

"Almost theeere," he glances back at you, the booming speakers awhile ago was fading in the background, your mind long distracted away from the couple.

Then JJ slows down, matching your pace as the music beats in the background, the waves replacing the booming speakers.

"So this is your party huh?"

"Nahh or maybe yeahhh, maybe I'm here to abduct you and give you to the aliens, or maybe here to lure you in the water and let the mermaids eat you,"

"First of all it's the sirens that lure you," you hear him hum, but you don't expect him listening, the way his eyes drift on the random things that pass by tells you he's high as a bird, only humming when you end your sentences.

"But you might be the one who wants to lure me out here, then kill me for the pure pleasure of whatsoever."

He chuckles, "Maybe I did, or maybeeee I might just be here to ask for ransom,"

"Hm, let's see here," you whisper, but just loud enough so that he can hear, he arches an eyebrow, putting his hands on the back of his head.

"No, please don't kill me, Mr. Maybank! I wanna be in the sequel!" You clasp your hands together, trying to contain your laugh, but a few seconds pass and he doesn't make a noise. Great, you've scared him off.

You sighed and you were about to take off when you heard him wheezing, your eyebrows furrowed and your face quickly heats up, the embarrassment creeping in.

"What's so funny?"

"You— w-what did you—" he kneels on the sand as he tries to breathe, but the laughing easily comes back to him. "I'm— your—"

"I'm what!" You stomp your foot.

His fit doesn't stop for a long time until he was on the floor, on his back, trying to get oxygen back in his body while you were there angrily crossing your arms.

"There, now can you answer me more properly?"

He gives you a boyish smirk, sitting up and shaking the sand off his hair.

"Dork." Your eyes snapped back to his. "W-what did you just call me?"

"I said you dork!" You didn't have time to react when he tackles you to the ground, right where the ocean touches the sand, so now your clothes are half wet half dry.

"Hey! No fair!" Okay so now you're mad, you didn't have extra clothes brought because you weren't planning to swim anyways.

"I'm wet now!" JJ snorted when you stood up, flicking the heavy sand off you. "What?!"

"Dude did you not hear yourself?"

"JJ I don't care! My clothes are wet, and it's cold! And I have nothing to change into!" You stomped on the water, briefly splashing JJ but he didn't mind.

"Woah, princess getting worked up," he raises his arms up, whistling.

"I'm serious, JJ!"

"Chill man, you're fine, its gonna dry later anyways," he speaks as if this was nothing to him, what if you get sick? The wet top and cold air blowing on your back will kill you.

You were somewhat sober now, not that drunk compared from earlier, and that was thanks to JJ's wake up call.

"It's not that big of a deal anyways— woah—"

You tried to tackle him further into the water, but he was big and heavy, and more stronger than you so all your might was only half of his, only throwing him off the ground where there was mo water than could catch him.

"Ha! See that! That's what you get!" You laugh, holding on to your stomach, you ignore the shiver than ran through you when another cold breeze came by.

You paused when you hear no JJ, he was crouched on the floor, his forehead leaning against the sand as he clutches his stomach, his face contorted into a painful one, letting out a pained groan.

"..JJ?"

"Agh— fuck—"

"Oh my go— JJ are you alright?" You hurriedly kneeled beside him, placing your hand on his back as he continued to crouch on the sand.

"I- I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, JJ, I'm— w-where does it hurt? Oh gosh, JJ answer me please? Did I hit you too hard? JJ—"

You pause when he wheezes, you thought he'd hurt himself even more but he lets out a series of out of breath laughs, wheezing and punching the sand, he lied on his back once more, clutching his stomach not from pain, but from laughing.

"Wha.. JJ are you alright..?" You frown. "I-I'm— sssorrry but—"

"JJ what're you—"

"Did you actually— believe that shi—" he fell into a coma of laughter once again, kept on hitting the sand below him as you stood up with an irritated look.

"JJ, I'm actually tired, and too drunk of your bull, so if you want to keep dying here, I may as well let you."

You angrily turned around and stomped away from the twitching man. Just because you let him talk to you without getting called pogue slurs doesn't mean he can insult you like this, you won't let him.

"W-wait— wait up, stop—" he stood up staggering, calling out your name, but your ego was hurt, and you wouldn't let it past him.

"Wait— I'm sorry—" you didn't have time to react when a body hugs you from behind and throws the both of you into the water completely, you hurriedly sat up from the ambush and angrily looked around, you spot JJ, who was also drenched with you, already sat up and looking at you.

"Why did you—"

"I told you to wait up"

"I don't care If—"

“Alright chill, chill, my fault my fault, But you have to admit, that was def funny.”

You paused, trying to stop the snort out of coming your mouth. THE JJ Maybank apologized? How in the world did you—?

JJ flinched when you burst out laughing, you try to muffle it but you just couldn't stop laughing, a few seconds of you painfully wheezing then JJ bursted out laughing too, the two of you splashing around the water like children and laughing so loud you didn't even know you had in you.

"JJ Maybank—!" You inhale, wheezing it out once again. "Yeah?"

"Apologizing?!"

"Huh, why not?"

"Since the flip when?!"

"The flip?!—" that's when he bursts out laughing even more. "Now where'd you get that?"

"Wdym?!"

You splash him with water, the tides were getting bigger, and def stronger the more both of you stayed in it, he was about to splash you back when a grip on your arm pulled you up, you stumble in front of the very last person you wanted to see.

"What the fuck do you think your doing?"

You thought he was talking to you, but his eyes were trained on the soaked blond still in the water.

"No, what the fuck are you doin' here?" Now JJ was the angry one, both of them were, you meekly turned to glance at the blond behind you, silently begging him to just pull back and let everything slide on, but his attention was solely on the other blond in front of you.

"Last time I remembered, this was a no pogue zone, dipshit."

"Yeah, well I didn't see no sign, Cameron, so if you can just fuck off and leave us alone" he was standing now, just right behind you, careful on not getting too close, you might even think he was careful on not getting you wet, but technically you already were soaked in salt water.

"Since when does a fucking pogue order me around huh?" You can tell Rafe was trying to rile him up, and JJ seemed to be riled up enough.

"Since the fuck now— " you yelp as JJ pushes you aside, although he had his hand on your arm, you still trip on your feet, Rafe's hand caught your waist and pulling you up, you didn't have anytime to reload before they started punching eachother.

You had to stop them, before they kill each other again, you've always been there for each one of their party fights, the other always happy to oblige with the wishes of the opposite, but you were never the one to get involved, you were always hiding, taking your phone out just in case something happens, but this time it was just you, and the two warmongers.

That is until you hear the crowd hyping them up, then you see Sofia, uselessly standing right behind Rafe and yelling at them to stop.

No they won't stop the fuck? Hasn't she even seen them whenever they fight? No, you suppose not, she's busy flirting and frolicking around the bar and Rafe.

But what can you even do to stop them though? At least Sofia was trying, you were only standing frozen, and here you were calling her useless.

A shove from behind you quickly snapped you from your thoughts.

"S-sorry— oh shit, JJ stop no—!" It was Mr. Heyward's son, Pete? Pablo? It's on the tip of your tongue, just not quite there yet.

"Rafe, let him go, stop it!" You hear Sofia shout, but the two blonds kept landing punches on each other.

One moment they're still standing, next another they're on the floor, with JJ on top, of course Rafe wouldn't let his image get ruined like that so Rafe flipped the both of them, crashing into the waters, you hear the crowd whistling and howling, some even betting on them, it's fowl, how they think this is fun, how they think two half bloodied guys fighting are worth to bet on, Rafe had a bruised lip, while JJ was sporting a bruising black eye, both of them had bloodied noses.

Some time during everything, their friends managed to join their ruckus, turning their fight into a wrestling match, you see Topper fighting Sarah's boyfriend, uh husband, then Kelce jumping in to pull Heyward jr. away from JJ and get a punching of his own, their girls nowhere to be seen.

Except for Topper's girl, she suddenly appeared behind Sofia and pushed her away slightly, even she knew not to mess with Rafe's girl, huh, Rafe's.. girl..

You didn't even register that she was headed for you, not until she got a fist full of your hair, managing to pull you down on the ground, you didn't back up though when you got a grip on her newly bought necklace and ripped in from her neck, the necklace must've been expensive because of how tightly it clung on her neck despite how hard you pulled, the more she pulled your hair the more you pulled on her thousand dollar jewelry, then your hands finds its way to her top, if she was going to bring you down, your bringing her down with you.

"Fucking bitch!" She screams when you rip her bikini off, her grip on your hair disappears as she covers her boobs with her hands, you flip her off as you try to fix yourself, you are surrounded by phones and their flashes, but you couldn't care less when she was the one who targeted you in the first place.

You see her slink away in the crowd, muttering a curse before running off to whatever.

During the scuffle at one point the crowd slowly joined, the others just wanting to add fuel to the fire and hype up the people recording.

"Fuuuuu— booze and thiis?" You hear the guy moan, ugh, you thought, quickly scuffling away from him.

And just before you can escape the human stampede, a hand clamps around your arm, you try and keep up the mysterious hand pulling on you, only seeing a gust of blond hair on your guy, you try to pull against him but he keeps you steady behind him, your weak attempts at trying to escape looked nothing compared to his grip.

He dragged you across the brawl hurriedly, your feet taking twice as many steps as his did. "Y-you're hurting me!"

You didn't think he heard you, with the music being tuned up for the sake of the audience's enjoyment, you hear the others chanting 'fein' while punching a person square in the jaw.

"Stop! Please!" You pull for your arm, but the man yanks you back again, this time you bump into his chest that felt like bumping into a wall.

"Hold. Fucking. Still"

"R-Rafe?"

"C'mon" he grunts, you didn't even notice that you were already out of the riot until he places you in front of him, beside his truck.

Only then you noticed how bruised he actually was, his face was marked with the aftermath of the brawl—bruises blooming in dark purples and blues around his cheekbone and jaw. A cut near his eyebrow oozed slightly, leaving a faint trail of dried blood. The swelling along his lip made it difficult for him to smile, and a faint redness traced the area under his eye, hinting at a blow that landed too close.

"Rafe, you're bleeding—"

"—Don't" he raises his hand, you shut your mouth closed, as much as your ego loved seeing him like that, you couldn't deny the worry threatening to pour out, to drag him to your house and play nurse on him, you didn't like seeing him like this, you finally decided.

"We should wash that," you reach out to the cut in his eyebrow, he doesn't flinch, not like how he does when he's high. "Rafe where.."

You hesitate, he doesn't look up when you pause. "W-where's Sofia? The last time I saw her was before you—"

"—No."

"What do you mean no? What if Sofia's still back there, we should go—"

"Stop—! talking, about her I," he runs his hand through his buzz cut. "T-take, take me home, n-not, not tannyhill, no, not there, jus', yours, your house,"

You frown, what about—?

"Please.. please"

"Rafe, I don't —"

"'M not asking for a million, doll, js- just take me home..?" his voice slightly breaks at the end, his words were swirly and airy, if not high rafe then very drunk rafe.

...

"Okay."

[jeonstudios]

dextrocardia | 14

Dextrocardia. Originally a medical term, but also a way to describe someone who's got their heart in the right place.

"She's been moved to another operation to help out. This pairing is necessary because you'll be undercover as spouses. I know you two can be professional about this."

"What?!" It's Jeongguk's upset voice that sounds, and for once, you share his displeased opinion.

Spouses.

pairing: cop!jk x f detective!reader

genre: undercover cops, fake marriage, e2l au, angst, fluff, (smut?)

word count: 9.7k

warnings: a LOT of bodyshaming and fathobia and sexism

rating: NC-17 – Adults Only

masterlist

part 14/? 

<previous | next>

© dextrocardia is copyright jeonstudios. this fic can not be modified, re-posted, or translated without my permission.

“I hope you know that I appreciate all the things you’ve been telling me. I know it can’t be easy, all the things you’ve gone through. So I appreciate it, even if I unfortunately…”

“Don’t have much to say?” you smile at him as you turn to close his bedroom door behind you.

“Yeah. It’s a lot different than when I’m talking to someone who maybe just got out of a… situation because, while that’s always hard, you just have to listen and assure them they did the right thing, going to the cops and that we’ll guide them through the rest and hopefully help them get justice. That it wasn’t their fault, you know? But you know all that already, and I’m not much help; in fact, I was a big part of your problem and going to the police probably made it worse in your case because we let you down instead of helping you.”

It’s sad, the way he says it, reaching for the collar of his t-shirt at the back of his neck. He pulls it over his head before he suddenly stops, the shirt stuck across his lowered arms. You meet his deer-in-the-headlights eyes and see how it dawns on him that despite explaining earlier that he wants to keep his shirt on–at least with you in the house?–he hasn’t actually been committing to that promise. You wonder if it had anything to do with his scars, if he wanted to spare you from seeing them or just not risk you being uncomfortable.

“It’s fine, take it off,” you comment casually, “but do know that I might warm my cold feet against your skin.”

He grins, finally removing the shirt entirely and throwing it onto the chair in the corner. “Feel free.”

Flicking the lights off, Jeongguk joins you in the dark, getting under the duvet and getting comfortable.

It’s silent for a while, and you’re halfway between sleep and consciousness when Jeongguk says something you definitely weren’t expecting.

“Are you still scared of me?”

You roll over to face him, even though the room is almost pitch black.

“Do you want me to be honest?”

“Of course.”

“I think that I will always be aware… of what you can do. Even right now, if you in this moment decided to hurt me, there would be nothing I could do about it. I can spend my days in the gym but odds are a vast majority of men could overpower me anyway. If I were to trust my gut, it would say that you’re a… good guy, but I know that most women murdered by a man they knew or even their male partners didn’t fall for someone openly abusive. They’re sweet at the start, and then they change. Hoseong was like that too; kind until he wasn’t. I know you know that because he fooled you too.

“When it comes to you, I think the only reason I’m here with you is because of what you did that night. I would’ve found any reason to believe that you were still playing a game of making me trust you, just waiting for the right moment to strike, if I hadn’t seen you fight them. No matter how talented of an actor you are, they were prepared to kill you, and you… were prepared to die.

“And this…” you move your hand under the sheets, tentatively finding his chest and the scar. “I don’t like looking at it, and it feels like it’s my fault your mom almost lost her son, but it’s also… almost a relief. I don’t have to second-guess if you really want to help me or if it’s just a long con to… finish something. But like I said… just because you haven’t tried to kill me yet doesn’t statistically mean you won’t. I don’t think you will, but then again, there are a lot of dead women who probably wouldn’t have imagined their murderer being someone they knew.”

Jeongguk places his hand over yours on his chest. “For what it’s worth, I could never hurt you. I know I did; that I hurt you emotionally and scared you, but not even when I thought you were the most selfish person on the planet would I have physically hurt you.”

“I will let the fact that I came to live with you speak for how I feel about you, or at least want to feel about you. Also the fact that I’m sleeping in your bed with you.”

“That you find me entirely irresistible, dying to be close to me at all times?”

You roll your eyes, however, blood rushes to your cheeks. “Yeah. Absolutely.”

“Good that we’re on the same page then, cause I’m kinda stuck on the fact that you kissed me.”

Inevitably, your cheeks warm up further, but it’s okay since it’s dark anyway.

“I did. It was a good kiss.”

“Yeah. I totally wouldn’t hate it if you did it again. In fact, I am open to kisses anytime, just as I am hand-holding.”

“You’re sure? Even from me?”

You hate that you have to ask, but… you do.

“Absolutely.”

You consider it for a moment, but eventually decide to trust his words, at least tonight. Empowered by the dark, you move your hand from his chest. It travels over his warm neck before it reaches his jaw. Your heart beats so hard you’re almost convinced he can hear it, but you ignore it and move closer. Despite the dark, you see his face and how he’s smiling, patiently waiting. It’s both a blessing and a hellish curse how handsome he is; he truly takes your breath away. 

Using your hand, you move your hair away, and you lean down to connect your lips. His are so soft, and he kisses you back so sweetly, letting you set the pace. You move your mouth against his, pulling back an inch just to do it again. Jeongguk lets his hand hold your waist, and even though kissing him is… a dream, you’re reminded that there’s a limit you’re not comfortable crossing.

So you pull back, but you still let him hold your waist.

“There.”

You fall asleep quicker than the nights before. A few hours later–and a few hours before morning–you blink your eyes open, finding yourself entangled with him. You’ve got your arm thrown over his middle, your cheek resting on his naked chest, right below his chin, and one of your legs lies between his.

For a while, you listen to his breaths, thinking about what it is that you’re doing. He’s so warm, and he feels so… safe, but there’s still a certain thought in your head.

When you wake up the next time, you’re once again alone in Jeongguk’s bed, and the first thought crossing your mind is how unnecessary boarding up your window really was when you’re practically almost always sleeping in his bed these days. Also, does he count on being able to hear a potential intruder trying to break in through his window? Because there is one, and it’s definitely not boarded up.

Your curiosity grows when you hear Jeongguk move throughout the house, and the sound of a…. what is that?

Rolling out of his bed, you yawn as you open the bedroom door to almost run head first into a stressed-looking Jeongguk. The sound you heard you identify as the now turned off blow dryer, something you’ve borrowed yourself but never seen him use. Looking up, you realize that, yeah, his hair is still wet from a shower and blow drying it means that he either doesn’t want to wait for it to air dry or he can’t.

“You’re going to the station?” you ask, noticing that he is actually indeed wearing his dark blue, almost black uniform.

“Yeah, uh, multiple trafficking victims on their way. Want to be there before they arrive.”

A very specific feeling moves through your chest; an uncomfortable sadness that someone has most likely been through hell, but there’s a warmth there too, for Jeongguk.

“What are you looking for?”

He looks around, patting his pockets, “Uhm, I have my phone, wallet, house keys. I need the… bike key and the helmet. The helmet is probably in the garage, but I’m not sure where the key is.”

You blink, trying to remember what jacket he was wearing the last time you recall him using the bike. The leather one, right? You step up to the coat rack, looking through the jackets until you find it. Swiftly, you search the pockets until… 

“Found it. Do I put it in your uniform jacket?”

“Oh, thank you. Yes, please,” he says over the sound of the blow dryer that he grabs once more.

You watch him dry his hair, incessantly running his fingers through it to speed up the process. A few minutes later, he turns the machine off and runs his fingers through the black hair one last time, “It’ll have to do.”

Then, he’s gathering his stuff, taking the jacket from your hands and heading toward the door leading to the garage as he throws it on. “Not sure when I’ll be back, it might take a while cause I don’t know how many they are or what they’ve been through, but I can update you?”

“Jeongguk?”

“Yeah?” he asks.

“Come here for a second.”

Confused, he takes the four steps until he’s in front of you looking down curiously but a little stressed at you.

You smile at him, at how pretty and caring he is. “Be careful.”

He grins, a little surprised. “I always am. But it’s mostly just letting them talk and writing it all down, and–”

“I meant on the road. With the bike. I know you can handle the case.”

“Oh. Will do.”

For a millisecond, he looks at you, his bottom lip bitten. Then he’s pulling you closer by your waist, pecking your lips sweetly.

“I’ll see you later.”

With warm cheeks, you watch him enter the garage, thinking of his kind, brown eyes. You don’t know what to feel.

When Jeongguk returns, he’s angry. He doesn’t say much except frustratingly relaying that apparently, one of the women had called the police about a creepy neighbor appearing to watch her house six months ago. The two officers sent did absolutely nothing at all. Couldn’t offer any protection, didn’t talk to the neighbor, couldn’t even give the woman any advice, just left. Two weeks later, the neighbor takes her. You understand Jeongguk’s frustration toward the system, but when he’s spent two hours in the gym without any kind of break, you decide to check up on him.

You hear the brutal beating of the punching bag long before you spot him.

“How are you doing? You’ve been in here a while…”

Jeongguk stops and looks at you from behind the sand-filled bag, breathing heavily. He’s shirtless, and there’s sweat covering his skin and wetting his hair.

“I’m alright.”

But you can tell that he’s frustrated by the turmoil in his eyes. Although it’s hot to see him work out, you don’t like seeing him like this. It has an uncomfortable feeling growing in your stomach.

“You’re doing what you can.”

“Yet there’s always more to do. It never ends, and it’s never enough.”

He’s definitely right about that, but does it help to be so worked up about it? Or are you the weird one, more likely to go apathetic when reminded of the injustices of the world these days?

“But you did your part today, and I know you made an impact in their lives.”

He looks disappointedly at the sandbag, as if your words didn’t affect him at all.

“Hey,” you call softly. He looks at you.

“If it weren’t for you, I probably wouldn’t be here right now.”

‘Right now’ as in alive.

“But I–”

“If you never transferred, they would’ve gotten me at this point.”

“Bare minimum,” is all he mumbles.

“It meant a lot to me. Everything, actually. And I’m really grateful.”

At that, he finally smiles a little, and you find yourself dangerously lost in his eyes again.

Thirty minutes later, at nine p.m., the power goes out. You stop what you’re doing, your hand, holding the kettle frozen in mid air over the mug. Even the very, very low humming of the fridge and freezer stops. You put the kettle down, glad that you probably managed to fill your mug with enough tea water.

Where is your roommate? Last you heard, he was about to take a shower. 

“Jeongguk?” you call, but the moment you peek out into the hallway, you run straight into him, still wet from the shower and with a towel around his hips, you think. 

“What happened?” he asks, his hands steadying your elbows.

“Uh? I don’t know? I was pouring tea and the lights and everything went out.”

“Oh? So that means it wasn’t our doing. I’ll check if there’s a blown fuse; you never know.”

“Okay,” you pat the pockets of your sweatpants, “Here’s my phone if you want a flashlight.”

“Thanks,” he nods, grabbing it from your hand.

He taps the screen to turn the flashlight function on, the light pointed down immediately illuminating every little crevice in his abs and the glints of water still on his skin. The white towel hangs low, exposing a bit of a happy trail.

You look away, and Jeongguk, seemingly none the wiser, turns around to find the fuse box somewhere other than in the kitchen, guided by your phone.

Sighing to yourself the moment you’re alone again, you go back to your tea, removing the bag from the mug. Opening the fridge, you’re once again reminded of how dependent on electricity you are when the open door doesn’t trigger the built in light. Still, you find the milk, and you manage to pour a little bit into the mug and put the container back in the still chilly fridge.

By the time you finish stirring the tea spoon around, you hear Jeongguk’s steps approaching you, and you see the ray of light illuminate the floor in front of him.

“No blown fuses. I’m gonna see if there’s anything on the provider’s site or else I’ll give them a call.”

“Are you gonna get dressed as well, or?” you joke, watching him smile cheekily. 

“Yeah. I was just barely done washing my hair when the light went out.”

“I can see that; you’re dripping all over the floor.”

“Sorry,” he says and shakes his head like a dog, launching drops of water at your clothes and face. 

 “Jeongguk!”

Laughing, he leaves the kitchen and steps out into the dark.

“What if I slip and fall?” you call after him, wiping the drops from your face before returning to your mug to take a test sip. It tastes good, but you’ll definitely try to remember to buy honey next time you go grocery shopping because you’re a sucker for a little sweetness.

Half a minute later, you hear footsteps approaching, and when you turn around from the sink, Jeongguk is drying the floor with the towel he was just using, now wearing what looks like a pair of sweatpants of his own. He doesn’t say anything, just makes sure the floor is dry and then he leaves again, much to your amusement. Like you said; you’re a sucker for sweetness.

While he’s gone, you use your phone’s flashlight to pour the rest of the water into another mug in case Jeongguk wants some tea too. Then you venture carefully into the living room, trying not to spill the hot contents. It goes without accidents, and so you set the mug down onto the coffee table before reaching for the remote. Which doesn’t work. 

“Fuck, no TV,” you mutter to yourself. And you’ve used your laptop without the charger all day. Even more fuck.

“Jeongguk, is your laptop charged?” you call out, praying to the gods.

“Uh, yeah,” he appears behind you, having matched a black hoodie to his gray sweatpants.

He’s holding something in his arms, a lot of smaller things. Candles, you realize when he leans down to gently dump them onto the table. From his pocket he then produces a lighter.

“You wanna watch something?” he asks, lighting the candles one by one, the coziness factor doubling with every flame added.

“I was gonna watch this documentary, but my laptop isn’t charged,” you pout. “Oh, and also, the Wifi won’t work.”

Jeongguk chuckles. “Mine should be fully charged. And we can use my mobile data.”

Wow, way to flex.

“Great. I made tea, do you want some?”

“Sure. Thank you.”

While he goes to grab his laptop, you return to the kitchen to fix his mug of tea as well, returning as he’s setting everything up, the screen illuminating his face where he sits on the couch. The flickering candles are doing their best too, casting a more yellowy glow across the room.

“Thanks,” he says once more when you place the mug in front of him. “Here.” 

You accept the laptop, navigating to the specific streaming site and the documentary released just last week about the development of the space shuttles. Due to the size difference between Jeongguk’s TV and that of his laptop, you take your seat closer to him than usual.

Jeongguk sips his tea, but the moment he’s put the mug back safely on the table and is leaning back against the couch and watching the screen, he slowly lets his hand find yours. 

In turn, you find yourself moving closer, leaning your head against his shoulder. He smells nice, and he feels nice. And it’s suddenly like someone started some kind of wordless game. You don’t say anything, but there’s also a kind of tension that builds, no less in your body. 

Perhaps also feeling the… electricity building, Jeongguk makes his next move, this time slowly lifting his arm to put around you, making you lean against his chest instead. The action has his hoodie riding up just a little, exposing a sliver of his stomach.

When it’s your turn again–and you feel your shared anticipation grow–you try to psych yourself up. He likes you, he likes you. 

So, you place your hand on the exposed section of skin, caressing it carefully with your thumb.

Besides the documentary, it’s quiet, although you’re almost positive Jeongguk can hear your heart beat erratically; it’s definitely beating loudly in your ears. For his next turn, Jeongguk somehow both swiftly and slowly pulls you onto his lap, and before you know it, you’re straddling him, staring down at his smiling face.

The narrator speaks in the background, but you can only focus on Jeongguk and how your heart might soon beat its way out of your chest. 

You could kiss him. You could.

He looks at you like he’s hoping for it but not expecting it, and you pray to God he actually does want you to. Because you want to kiss him so badly. 

He’s got his gentle hands on your thighs, and you place yours softly on his face, holding his jaw and rubbing your thumbs slowly over his cheeks. Until you move one thumb and press it even softer against his lips.

This man is too good to be true, he has to be. As you let your eyes admire him, you think about the fact that, even if you disregard how he literally took a sword to the heart for you, he’s done more for you in the short period of time you’ve known him than any other man in your life.

So you move your finger from his mouth, nervously switching it out for your lips. You can’t even describe how much you like kissing him. When it’s sweet and innocent and just lips and a wordless confession of ‘I like you,’ or when you use a little tongue, and he chooses to follow your lead, kissing you back with the same growing heat. But there’s still something bothering you that you can’t ignore.

In the midst, you pull back an inch, eyes glued to his lips to avoid his eyes. “I like kissing you, but… “

“But what?” he wonders, his hands drawing innocent shapes on your thighs. Your heart pumps even harder as you choose your next words.

“I’m not really your type.”

He smiles, looking carefree, “You are. I think you’re a sweet girl.”

Jeongguk kisses you again, and you try not to think about it, but even with his lips against yours, it’s hard. A sweet girl. Letting one of your hands fall from his face, you grab the collar of his hoodie, clumsily placing your hand inside it to touch his chest, feeling for the scar.

Taking it as you wanting it off, he pulls away to yank the hoodie over his head, and it ends up somewhere toward the end of the couch. Even without it, his bare skin is just as warm under your hands, but before you know it, you’re on your back on the couch, and he’s above you. He’s very sweet, and in this moment–with your hands splayed across his back and the scar there–you know he won’t hurt you. 

A sweet girl.

Right?

A sweet girl. You hear the voices and feel the anxiety and fear return to fill you. You go with the flow, unsure of what to think or do. Jeongguk helps you out of your shirt and then your bra, and you watch him sit back to throw them onto the floor somewhere. 

But the moment he returns his attention to you underneath him, he stops. Because you’re covering your naked chest with your hands like your life depends on it, eyes teary and absolutely and helplessly begging him to look anywhere but at you.

He still does, and you can tell he’s surprised, his wide eyes taking in the situation from above you.

So you plead quietly, “Please don’t look at me.” 

It takes half a second, and he’s immediately closing his eyes, turning to feel around for something behind him. Your shirt probably lies somewhere farther away on the floor, and so his black hoodie is what he ends up grabbing, handing it to you still with his eyes closed.

And he of course moves off of you, the only sounds in the room being the documentary, the slight rustling as you’re putting the hoodie on, and your quiet breaths.

When he assumes you’re dressed, he opens his eyes, heart visibly breaking when he sees how absolutely shaken to the core you look, hugging your body and sitting up. You turn your eyes to the documentary on the screen even though both of you know you haven’t been watching it.

“I’m so sorry, I wasn’t thinking,” he starts to explain, sounding genuinely apologetic.

“It’s fine,” you say quietly, wanting desperately not to make a big deal out of it. If you could just will your hands to stop shaking.

“No, I–”

“Jeongguk, please. I’m fine, okay. I’m not… I’m not ready, but… Can we not talk about it, please?”

Reluctantly, you meet his eyes and see the somber worry in them as he watches you from where he’s sitting, still shirtless.

“Okay. If there’s anything I can do…”

You smile tentatively at him, desperate to move on from the subject, “Watch the rest of the documentary with me?”

“Okay.”

“Okay,” you repeat, “I’ll, uh, go and change so you can get your hoodie back.”

“No, no, it’s alright. Keep it,” he’s quick to rise to his feet, already on his way somewhere–presumably his bedroom.

The forty seconds he’s gone you use to calm your breathing and stabilize your voice. It wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t going too fast or not listening to you. He listened to what you gave him; you, yourself only figured out where exactly the line was drawn when it was basically already crossed.

He’s wearing a black t-shirt when he returns, taking a seat next to you and focusing his eyes on the screen, probably more so for your sake than his. “I hope you know that you can tell me anything. And I have no certain expectations you have to fulfill or so.”

You already know that he’s not asking sex for rent, if that’s what he’s wondering. But regarding his first statement… there are definitely things you don’t want to talk to him about.

“Yeah,” you answer regardless.

When the credits roll only a few minutes later, you know that you have two options. If you sleep in your own bed like you ideally want to, you risk there being an awkwardness tomorrow and that you definitely don’t want. Or you sleep in his bed with him like you have the last few days, and sure, it might be a little awkward, but he probably realizes you’re not up for cuddling, and it’ll be easier tomorrow.

“Oh. Finally,” Jeongguk exclaims when the ceiling light flickers on, signaling the return of the electricity. “I was starting to worry about all the food in the freezer.”

Subsequently, he leans over the coffee table, blowing out the small candles one after the other. It’s late anyway.

“So, uh…” he rises from the couch, “I’ll keep my door open, but I’m not offended if you choose to sleep in your bedroom.”

“Okay,” you nod at him, watching as he leaves to brush his teeth and get ready for bed.

You stand up too, but no matter how much you want to crawl into bed next to him and have him hold you the entire night, you get ready for bed, and you lie down in your own room. You’re still wearing his hoodie because it smells like him, and it ironically brings you comfort. Still, you lie there in the dark, and you think about his face, and his eyes, and his body. His voice, even, and how he might actually be a good guy. Maybe even everything you want, even if it doesn't matter. And you curl up, a few tears running silently down your cheeks. Because Jeon Jeongguk is so very far out of your league, it’s not even funny.

After waking up, you trudge toward the kitchen, still feeling half asleep. After everything that happened yesterday, you still managed to sleep pretty well, most likely because you were exhausted and sleeping alone.

“Morning.”

You stop, hands mid eye-rub. 

“I… thought you’d be at the station?” you say, redirecting your focus to taming your hair. Jeongguk is sitting at the kitchen table, donning a white t-shirt and black, what looks to be cotton, shorts.

“No, I’ll use today to go over some of the potential leads you helped find. Can do that from here.”

He takes a bite of a cupcake, and you catch his eyes linger a second on your body and how a small smile pulls on his lips before he looks into his phone in front of him. Glancing down, you realize that since you didn’t expect him to be home, you didn’t change out of his hoodie so what he saw waddle into the room was you, swallowed by his hoodie, sweater paws rubbing your eyes.

“It, uh, smells good,” you mumble quietly, realizing way too late that it’s not that great of a defense. “But I’ll wash it and you can have it back.”

It smells good because he smells good.

He waves his hand, still looking almost… fond. “It’s okay, keep it as long as you’d like. I have a ton of them.”

“Okay, uh, thank you.”

“No problem.”

At least the awkwardness was for another reason.

You decide to do a bit of laundry, although skipping the black hoodie and hiding it away under your duvet for a little while longer. Doing the laundry, vacuuming most of the house, and emptying the dishwasher takes you almost an hour, and then you find yourself outside Jeongguk’s office, knocking on the open door and peeking inside. 

“Making any progress?”

He lifts his head from the laptop screen and swivels around in his chair to face you, a pen in his hand. 

“No,” he sighs, “I’m looking into the girlfriend angle and so far, we’ve put detectives on a recent ex of Seunghwa’s and on two of Ryung’s flings, but it hasn’t resulted in anything. Regarding Hoseong… I’m not sure I ever actually heard him mention anyone by name, at least not any name that I can seem to match to anyone.”

“What about… I remember him talking about this Jimin?”

“Who’s that? I think we’ve covered most of his friends?”

You search your memory, but it’s hard to remember details. It’s been years since the conversations you try to recall, and as far as you remember, he only mentioned her in passing. “It was a woman, and I think they were more than friends. Or at least she wanted to be.”

“I didn’t even think of that; I only know male Jimins. Tell me more,” he urges, and you can tell he’s trying to recall if there was ever a mention of a Jimin.

“Well, I heard him complain about her a few times; said she was clingy and honestly a little obsessed with him. He made it sound like he didn’t care for her that much. In retrospect–besides being a very red flag–it sounds like something he could’ve said about me when I liked him.”

“Someone who maybe is mostly just a regular woman and would still maybe help them if they’re desperate enough to ask. Or him, at least.”

“Yeah.”

For a few hours, you and Jeongguk work together in his office, and you nearly forget about yesterday’s mishap, trying to find more info on this ‘Jimin.’ Until you find yourself nearly chest to chest with him after turning around too quickly and not expecting him so close. Instead of meeting your eyes sweetly and slowly lowering his head to kiss you like he probably would’ve even yesterday, he smiles and… backs up a few steps. 

“Hey, should we take a break? Have a late lunch?” Jeongguk stretches his arms out in front of him. 

You continue noting down some last names from your phone onto a paper, using the chair Jeongguk wheeled into his office specifically for you as a table while sitting on the floor. “Uh, you go ahead. I had a late breakfast.”

He stands up. “Oh. I didn’t notice.”

“Mhm, you were already in here.”

“I can wait then, and we can eat together.”

“It’s alright; go ahead.”

He mumbles something you don’t quite catch, but he does leave you to your notes and disappears from the office.

For the rest of the day, it’s just as if you’ve taken two or even three steps back. You don’t… touch a lot, and you definitely don’t kiss. A part of you misses it, but another part is relieved that he’s giving you space. He’s still very, very sweet, of course. You didn’t expect anything else.

Like when you open a cupboard, gaze set on a specific mug of his you’ve taken a liking to thanks to the very big ear that prevents the hot tea from burning your hand even through the ceramic. Compared to your male roommate, you’re lacking a little more in the vertical department and for some reason, whoever emptied the dishwasher placed the mug on the top shelf.

You look at it for three seconds, debating on whether you should grab a kitchen chair and climb or simply admit defeat and choose the next best mug. You’re about to go for the latter option when your hero swoops in, wordlessly and casually picking it down for you, a mug of his own raised to his mouth.

“Thank you,” you take the offering from his hand, a smile growing on your lips.

“You’re welcome.”

Or how he’ll still open whatever door you run into for you, to the point that it wouldn’t surprise you if he tried to open the automatic doors and hold them open with his hands when he takes you grocery shopping.

And sometimes, you do touch. Whenever he’s quick enough to exit the driver’s seat and open the passenger door for you, he holds his hand out for you, and when you take it, he helps you out as if you can’t step out of the car on your own. 

When you watch a movie, you don’t sit glued to each other, but he’s not scared to gently pull your feet–which you’ve complained all day of being tired–onto his lap to briefly massage them for you. He smiles at you, all crinkle-cornered sparkly-eyed and dimpled. On two short occasions, he holds your hand carefully, something you don’t object to because it feels nice, it really does.

But despite all these things, you still sleep in your bedroom. You don’t lock the door, but you do sleep alone.

Three days after the incident during the power outage, you’ve worked a long day in Jeongguk’s office. Alone, because he had to leave for the station at nine a.m.. You’ve had a lot of time to think, not only today but ever since what happened–and before that honestly–and it’s become very clear that you need to make a decision. Maybe you should simply gather your courage, give it a shot, and tell him how you feel about him, no matter what happens after?

Despite feeling somewhat determined and having some kind of honestly not very thought out plan, you’re anxious, wandering around the house as you wait for him to return. 

An hour before he comes home, you find yourself in front of the washing machine, throwing the black hoodie into it finally. With the machine on, you head into the kitchen, pouring yourself a glass of wine. It helps a little, and the remaining nerves that still reside in your chest, you decide to just try to ignore.

The sound of his bike is what notifies you of his return, and you leave the kitchen to meet him in the garage, watching as he swings his leg over the bike and takes the black helmet off, holding it under his arm.

“Hey,” he greets when he sees you waiting, a genuine smile on his face. “How was your day?”

“Uh… good. Narrowed down the Jimins a bit, I think.”

“That’s great,” he grins, his elatedness infecting you too, causing you to smile a little hesitantly despite the nerves devouring you. “Have you eaten yet? I know it’s kinda late but if not; I could cook something?” 

He puts the helmet on one of the shelves that line one of the walls, and then he comes to stand before you. 

You keep your eyes on the jacket with the police emblem on it before you peer up at him. A little hesitantly, you reach for the zipper of his jacket, fiddling a little with it.

“I, uh… actually have something else I want to do. Something I’d like to try… If you’re up for it…”

Tentatively, you reach your hand out, fingers pulling down the zipper of his jacket. He watches you curiously, doing nothing to stop you.

“What is it? That you want to do?” he asks, his warm voice definitely sounding curious but not overly so.

You swallow, deciding to just go for it and slowly placing your arms around his neck, “Well… Do you have any… handcuffs?”

He tilts his head, holding your waist while looking at you, searching. “For me? I do, but we don’t have to do anything; you know that, right?”

“Yeah, but if I really want to? Or maybe you…” you realize that he might just not want to. Like, at all. Oh, how embarrassing.

Seemingly noticing the way you take a step back, lowering your arms from around his neck, he stops you, his hands keeping them there.

“No, no. I’m always willing to let you do whatever you’re comfortable with. I don’t mind.”

His encouragement has a more genuine smile pulling on your mouth.

“Meet me in your bedroom then?” you ask, “And bring the cuffs.”

Not waiting for a confirmation, you drop your hands from his neck, and you turn around to head inside the house. Your heart is pounding, going absolutely haywire while you wait for him on the edge of his bed. Maybe you should’ve worn something else? Something other than just a pair of mom jeans and a blue sweater, but it’s too late now, you guess.

He shows up only a minute later, eyes curiously observing the heavy chair you’ve moved from the corner and into the middle of his room. The first thing he does is unbutton the dark blue shirt of his uniform, sliding it down his arms and throwing it onto the bed. You look at his chest and his arms and his stomach, and you see how he notices. This… humble confidence looks so good on him, and it’s so insanely different from how he acted during the mission. You’ve never seen anyone so attractive. 

The next thing he does is approach you where you’re sitting, offering you his hand all while smiling sweetly… but still a little cheekily.

Placing your hand in his, you’re pulled up to your feet, basically chest to chest with him. There’s heat in his gaze, but it’s not scalding; it’s just warm. 

You give in.

“Kiss me?”

He searches your eyes for hidden answers, but you really do want him to kiss you, and so he does. He places one hand on your lower back, moving your body with him as he steps back and sits down on the chair. Ending up sitting across one of his thighs, you open your eyes when he pulls away just enough to speak.  

“I don’t mind you doing… whatever you want to do, if that’s just sitting on my lap or… exploring me. I’m all for it. Do what you want to do. But,” he says, emphasis on that last word. “Only do what you actually want to.”

You nod, and he reaches down to pull something out of his pocket. The handcuffs. You take them from him, pocketing the small key.

“By the way, how did you get out of the cuffs at the house?” you ask, weighing the metal in your hand.

“I went and got another key before. So I threw you one key and kept the other.” 

You feel your forehead crease as you think about what that means. You were only able to relax when you thought he couldn’t hurt you, but he… could? At any point, he could’ve simply unlocked the cuffs himself?

“I didn’t keep a key because I had ulterior motives or anything. I was just worried you might hurt yourself or pass out for real, like, stop breathing and everything, so I needed a way to get to you if that were to happen.”

“I didn’t even think about that,” you admit quietly. It’s true; the fact that you had multiple pairs of handcuffs with you to the house, and they all use the same universal key entirely slipped your mind. “But of course. How stupid of me.”

“It wasn’t stupid. You were under a lot of stress, and I used that to my advantage, hoping you wouldn’t think about it.”

Standing up, you round the chair to kneel behind it. Without having to be asked, Jeongguk puts his hands back and waits for you to cuff them together.

“So I’m tightening these extra hard and making sure I have all keys,” you joke, still fastening them tight enough for him not to be able to slip them off.

“If that’s what you need to feel comfortable. But I hope you know that I’ll always listen to you.”

You nod, maybe more so to yourself when you stand in front of him again. He looks up at you where he sits, shirtless and looking gorgeous and absolutely mouthwatering.

You bite your lip briefly. “Can I… kiss you?”

“Whatever you want,” he grins, a smile that widens when you sit down on one of his thighs again.

“Okay. Close your eyes?”

Without a word, he obeys your request, and you feel yourself get almost hypnotized, looking at him. You’ve truly never seen anyone so stunning, even to the point that you could sit and gaze at him for hours. The best of mankind but still very much a man. You remember how you used to hate him, thinking God wasted this incredible beauty on someone so ugly, but although you’re not entirely sure how you feel about him, you know you don’t hate him.

Carefully, you trace your fingers along his sharp jaw, and despite his eyelashes fluttering, he doesn’t open his eyes. Unable to help yourself and because you truly don’t think he minds, you allow your gaze to drop. His neck is relatively thick, and the veins are only slightly visible compared to when he’s physically active. Your eyes then land on his collarbones. Then his wide, muscular shoulders and pecs. Then the scar, before traveling across his abs.

“You’re so pretty,” you state quietly, looking up at his face just in time to watch him smirk.

“Pretty is for girls; I’m a man.”

You can’t quite explain the emotional wave that hits you as you come to terms with what you have to do–the decision he’s made for you–but you know that you have to hide it, can’t make a sound of hurt in the silent room. Pressing your lips together, you look around the bedroom before you rise from his thigh.

“What are you doing?” Jeongguk asks, still smiling and oblivious, his eyes closed.

Already at the window, you untie the white curtain’s tieback and hold it up. “What about this?”

He opens his eyes and looks at the white piece of fabric in your hand, but doesn’t appear too skeptical. “For what purpose?”

“Blindfold.”

Trying to keep a positive and somewhat fear free mindset, it still hurts when you see how he immediately connects the blindfold to how you shielded your chest from his eyes. There’s pain and there’s guilt swimming in his dark eyes.

“You can, but please don’t do anything you don’t want to.”

“I won’t,” you promise.

“Okay then.”

With his permission, you place the folded sash over his eyes and tie it in the back, careful not to trap any hairs. When you’re done, you take another second to look at him. There is something so irresistible about him, something that has your heart yearning and your body pulled in. He’s so warm, both body and presence. You bite your lip, using your hand to trace his cheek softly while thinking about how he’s so conflicting. What if you want to stay here forever? Curl up like this where he can’t touch you, and lean your head against his neck where he can’t see you?

Like the time when you kissed three days ago, you touch your thumb to his soft lips, and you let the smile and the mask you’ve been wearing fall. Quietly, you stand up, and you take a step back.

“I thought you were going to kiss me?” Jeongguk jokes lightly.

You don’t know what to say, stuck in your footing to the floor and how he can’t see you. It’s like a weight has dropped from your shoulders, but your heart still feels heavy.

“I’m sorry.”

Not picking up the real meaning behind your words, Jeongguk tilts his head. “Okay. It’s alright. Why don’t you uncuff me and we can maybe order dinner instead?”

“I’m leaving tonight.”

“Wait… what?” he straightens up, struggling to process your words, “Why?”

But you go silent again, unsure of exactly how you’ll ever be able to tell him everything. He calls your name, sounding stressed, and you hear how he tugs on the cuffs.

“You scare me.”

He stops, and you can tell by the way he seems to almost be holding his breath that it wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear.

“I… I understand that you’ve been through a lot, but I’m never going to hurt you.”

You keep your eyes on him, feeling like he, himself most likely believes what he’s saying. But it’s not that easy.

“I know… that all in all, you’re a good man. You want to help me and others, and I know you said that not even when you thought I was the most selfish person in the world would you be able to hurt me physically. But you had no problem hurting me in other ways.”

“I know, and I’m so sorry for what I did. I’ve apologized for that, and I’ll keep doing it.”

“I don’t know how to read you,” you add, disregarding what he said because he has apologized, but not in the way that you needed. Not in a way that really matters to you. If this man hasn’t had you broken in a thousand pieces and still insisted on stepping on the remains.

So you keep going. “You look sweet–you’ve been sweet, but you look just like him. Hoseong was sweet too, until he wasn’t. And you… you have this desire to hurt, you want to inflict pain on those who wrong you or who you think have done you wrong. What happens if you think I’ve done something you don’t agree with?”

“I’m not jumping to conclusions without talking to you, I’m not making the same mistake again–”

“What if I actually do something you don’t like?”

For a few seconds, he goes quiet. “I’m not going to hurt you ever again, I promise.”

You fiddle with your hands, glancing down at them. “Are you sure? It was so easy for you, using all my weaknesses against me and breaking me down without ever asking me for my side of the story. And it scares me how you, during the mission, showed just how easy it was for you to one moment act like you could stand me–looking just as sweet as you do now–then angrily tear me down the next.”

It hurts in your whole body but the worst pain originates from your chest. You feel small, insignificant, but also like you take up too much room.

“I know that you probably don’t want to hurt me physically, and that you’re a better man than most, and at first when we came back, it wasn’t too difficult to ignore what you…. think of me, but now…? I kissed you, and you kissed me back, and it just… everything is coming back. I’ve been trying to tell myself that you wouldn’t hurt me at all anymore and that maybe you even like me like I like you, but I know that you don’t. Which in turn makes it hard to know why you’re doing all of this. I think maybe you feel guilty or want to be nice? Give me a chance even though I’m not your… type. But I… I like you. I really, really like you.”

It’s easier to admit than you originally thought, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. “I want to look at you every second of the day and my hands absolutely yearn to touch you all over. But I don’t want you to touch me. I don’t want you to look at me. I don’t want to be perceived at all. I know that if I stay here and show myself to you, you will not like what you see. You will be disappointed.”

Jeongguk shakes his head, not straining against the cuffs anymore but taking on a calmer approach. “It’s not true. I really do like you, and I think you’re really pretty. Please, I apologized for the things I said, and I’ll do it again. I’m really sorry; I just said those things because I wanted to hurt you. “

“You did. You hurt me, and I’m hurt. You apologized for wanting to hurt me, but you’ve never impli–actually, It doesn’t matter. I know what I look like, it’s kinda hard to forget when you’re constantly reminded. You and your friends came for every single flaw of mine, Jeongguk. “

“I only continued because you never seemed fazed by it.”

“‘I never seemed–’”, you stop to chuckle in disbelief. Your eyes are tearing up as you recall the moments you’re about to remind him of. 

“Are you saying that you never noticed that I stopped eating lunch at the cafeteria after what you did? Hoseong said that maybe someone would actually like me if I ‘ate less,’ and you laughed like it was the funniest thing you’d ever heard. That was the day after you walked past me in the cafeteria, saying ‘leave some for the rest of us, why don’t you?’ Jihyo brought cookies for her birthday two weeks later, and you suggested–in front of everyone–that maybe I should do something else with my mouth besides eat. I criticized the fact that no male officer wanted to work on ‘low-rewarding’ cases like my trafficking case, and you… Do you remember what you said?”

Your eyes are already blurry with silent tears, and you feel the humiliation drown you. There’s no way to go, nowhere to hide. People like Jeongguk are watching, inspecting and observing every little part of you. Your bottom lip trembles.

Jeongguk is silent. If he could see, he’d be looking at your feet. You were right to blindfold him because you would’ve never been able to speak so earnestly had you not. Although you like him, and he’s been so kind and sweet to you, you’re back to feeling like nothing in his eyes.

“‘It’s not about the case; it’s about you. You couldn’t pay me to even look at you. In fact, I bet not even the traffickers would take you, otherwise we would’ve definitely traded you.’”

The pain radiates from your chest, leaving no cell of your body unaffected at the implications. You are so ugly and disgusting to him that if he had the chance, he would’ve sacrificed you to a fate no one should ever have to face. 

He doesn’t give you a reaction now either; he just sits there with his head lowered. But this is your one chance to tell him how you really feel. You take a big, shaky breath.

“I was doing okay before all of this. Sure, I’ve always known that I have a lot of flaws, but I was doing okay. But you’ve said over and over again that I disgust you, my body makes you want to hurl, you wouldn’t fuck me if your life depended on it, etcetera. It takes its toll. Eating around men gives me anxiety, even if I try to hide it. I cover up my… shoulders as much as I can because I can hear you describe them as ‘manly,’ and how every man within earshot chuckles. 

“I wear thick bras and tops, especially around you, because you made it a habit to comment on my breasts and how unfortunately shaped and sized they are. I remember how you asked me how on earth I ever expected Hoseong to like me when I had the ‘saggiest tits in the district.’ And I remember the field day you had when you found out they’re a bit uneven, finding a way to lower your rating of me from a 0.5 out of 10 to a 0.1. Then you asked the other men for their opinion and rating. Or how you’ve so kindly informed me that I didn’t have the tits for that pretty, blue dress and that it looked awful on me. Are you saying that you didn’t notice that whatever you’ve commented on, I’ve never worn again? Not even anything similar?

“I don’t wear tighter pants without a longer shirt to cover my ‘misshapen,’ ‘unfeminine’ hips and the ‘weird dips’ you’ve laughed at, and whenever work dress codes require me to, I’ve avoided you and other men the best I could.

“I wore a skirt to work once, and when I ran into you before changing into my uniform, you said that skirts are for pretty girls and that no one wanted to see my… cellulite. You took every chance to remind me that I have myself to blame for being undesirable, and that men weren’t the problem, I am, and ‘how wasn’t I ashamed for thinking someone like Hoseong could ever like me?’

"Believe me, I was ashamed. I am ashamed. Do you think I never considered just… drinking the poisoned coffee? Or just starting the car even though I knew the brakes wouldn’t work? If there was a way to get rid of one’s body, believe me, I would’ve. It doesn’t matter that you didn’t know what he did to me at the time because how I looked never changed. But looking like you do, I get that you don’t understand how it is to walk around, filled with shame for existing in such an unfortunate body, but I can tell that you want to be better. Maybe you feel bad and want to give me a free trial of how it is to be with a Good Man. Or you want to do the ‘right thing’ so that your dad would be proud? I don’t know, but I can’t ignore the fact that I know how you really perceive me and how you are so far out of my league, it’s embarrassing to even stand here and say it.

"So while I appreciate everything you’ve done for me cause I’d be dead and gone without you, I can’t stay here. You want someone to hold hands with and to buy flowers for, but that’s not for people like me.”

Finally done, you wipe the tears that fall, and you shakily swallow the lump that’s formed in your throat.

“Take the blindfold off and uncuff me,” he begs, once again straining against the handcuffs. You know he isn’t getting out of them, and while he could stand up, the chair is too heavy for him to just pull along with him when he’s got the blindfold on and no sight. He knows, just as well as you, that there’s no use.

“No.”

“Then listen to me; none of that was true. You are so pretty, so breathtaking. I like you so much.”

“Forgive me for not believing you. If you really thought I was even remotely pretty, there have been countless opportunities for you to say so. Or even just a ‘hey, you know you’re not actually as revolting as I told you.’”

“I… I didn’t want to overwhelm you or have you doubt my intentions, but I’m telling you now that I’ve always thought you to be beautiful.”

You scoff sadly. “Yeah, now when the consequences of your actions have arrived,” you glance down at your feet, feeling so insignificant. 

“Please don’t leave.”

“I’ve already packed my stuff.”

“Where are you going? You can’t go home; it isn’t safe there.”

Truly, at this moment, your safety doesn’t seem like your top priority. “I’ll be careful.”

“Can’t you stay with someone, at least?” he bargains, “Jihyo or Sana?”

Another tear falls, and your voice goes quiet. “I want to go home.”

You really do. You haven't been home in months, and you feel like a child sleeping over at a friend's, missing your mom so much it hurts and just wishing she'd come and pick you up.

“I know, but you just gotta hold out a little bit longer. Call Jihyo, please. Do you want me to watch your house twenty-four seven, cause I will.”

You consider his words, and if there’s anything you don’t want, it’s to have him so close again. “Fine. I’ll call her tomorrow.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah…”

With nothing really left to say, you pull your phone out of your pocket, opening the Uber app.

“I’ll uncuff you in a few minutes, I’m just ordering an Uber.”

Luckily, a car is only three minutes away, and so with quick fingers you confirm it. You packed your stuff three hours ago in case this would be the outcome, something you’re very grateful for now. Maybe, maybe, if he had said something, you would’ve kissed him and decided to stay, hoping that he was being honest. But you know that you might be a sweet girl to him, but you're not a pretty girl.

A minute passes, and you sigh sadly. “Okay, I’m gonna open the handcuffs, but I’m begging you, Jeongguk, stay there until I’m gone, okay? Don’t remove the blindfold, please?”

It’s his turn to seemingly consider what you’re saying. What you did, agreeing to call Jihyo, was for him and respecting his wishes. So he has to respect yours. He can’t rip off the blindfold the moment you twist the key in the cuffs and try to persuade you to stay, no matter if he wants to. 

“Okay.”

“Promise?”

“I promise.”

You decide to trust him, and with the key belonging to the cuffs, you round the chair where he’s sitting. Kneeling like before, you manage to unlock one of the cuffs in two seconds, and the metal clinks as it falls off his wrist. Instead of freeing his other wrist as well, you grasp his free hand and put the key into his palm, closing his fist around it.

Though you shouldn’t have expected him to be entirely quiet and still, because while he doesn’t make any move to rise from the chair or remove the blindfold, he does swiftly grab your hand, holding it firmly. Despite being blindfolded, it definitely feels like he’s staring straight at you behind him.

“Don’t believe anything any of us said, please. You really are so gorgeous, and not only that but you’re incredibly smart and hard-working. You’re amazing, and I will regret what I did to you for the rest of my life.”

But you hurt so much on the inside that you don’t say anything to that, you just pull your hand out of his grasp.

<previous | next>

author's note: so.... anyway, uh... like, comment, and subscribe <333

[roseychains]

Bone jaw٫ could you maybe pretty please do a thick thigh reader with jk men 👉👈 smut of fluff doesn't matter to me cause all I want is to finally see a thick thigh reader cause I never do its fine if you dont tho thanks for doing/considering this!

Jjk men with a reader with thick thighs ~

A/n: I’m literally sobbing I accidently clicked out of this tab and it erased everything I had done 😕 it’s okay tho I rewrote it all

C/w: everything is fluffy. Maybe slightly suggestive in getos & toji? But nothing smutty.

Bonus Gojo smut at the end, c/w: written by a minor, thigh fucking, somno but he wakes you up to ask for consent. Needy Gojo.

Gojo: his love language is physical touch. He can’t keep his hands off you, esspecially your thighs. The bigger the better, I can imagine him using your thighs as pillows. Being a jujutsu sorcerer is stressful and tiring, and being the strongest, naturally he has to take on the most begrudging tasks. Everyone has their own way to desensitize after a long day. His method just so happens to be falling asleep on his gorgeous wifes thighs while she plays with his hair. It’s just so comforting to him, a change of pace from his otherwise violent day.

Geto: geto is obsessed with your body. Especially your supple thighs. He’s handsy, and finds them incredibly attractive. He also finds himself unable to look away from him, he can’t help it. One of his favorite things is making out with you while your straddle his lap and your thighs rest on either side of his waist. It drives him insane, being able to hold not one but both of your lovely thighs in his hands while he kisses you.

Nanami: this man is such a provider, he can’t help but keep a gentle hand resting on your large thigh at all times. Sitting at a restaurant? His hand is on your thigh. Being his passenger princess? His hand is on your thigh. It’s not rough, just enough pressure for him to feel your skin and you to feel his hand. He wants you with him 24/7, and having his hand on you is a relief. He knows your right next to him, safe.

Toji: this man can pick you up and throw you over his shoulder like you weigh nothing. And to him, you do. But one of his favorite things about carrying you in such a manor is your thighs draped over his abdomen. He will grab you buy the thighs and support you buy the thighs anytime he’d holding you. Be that pinning you against the wall, princess carrying you, or thrown over his shoulder, he’s holding you by your thighs.

Choso: he’s a big sensory guy. Whenever you guys are just laying around cuddling, he will poke and hold your thighs. He loves the way your skin feels to his fingers, how soft and pliant your thighs are, a nice contrast to all the sharp and rough feelings in the world. He’s fascinated , almost, absolutely lost in though when he’s touching your thighs. Start stroking his hair and he’s asleep. He’s just so cute

Bonus Gojo smut ~

Waking up in the middle of the night, with his cock throbbing in his boxers, he’s just so happy his lovely wife is beside him, wiling to help. He doesn’t want to wake you though or make you put in any work this time at night, so an idea pops into his head.

Rolling over and crawling on top of you, he’s pushing your hair gently away from your face, gently tapping your head till you squint your eyes open. “Pst.. I know it’s late, but I’m really fucking horny. Do you mind if I use your thighs?”

It takes you a minute to process what he just said, but after you understand what he’s saying, you nod your head, about to get up when he pushes you back down “nonono go back to sleep, I’ll be so gentle and quite you won’t even hear or see me. Please go back to sleep baby, I don’t need you to life a finger.” Leaning down and kissing your forehead.

“Mmm are you sure baby? I don’t helping” he nodded his head, cupping your face. “Your the sweetest love, but yes I’m sure. I don’t need an ounce of effort on your part, now go back to sleep sleeping beauty~” you nodded, closing your eyes and turning back to your side.

He returns to your back side, quickly freeing his member from his boxers, jerking himself a few times before lining himself up with your thighs, gently sliding his cock inbetween your plush thighs.

He began thrusting slowly, his tip poking out through your thighs, right over your panty covered clit. He kept his voice down, letting our soft moans as he pushed in and out of the space.

His thrusts sped up, rutting into the space between your thighs, needy hands grabbing your hips pulling himself as close to you as he could, and after a few, sloppy thrusts, he’s spitting thick ropes of cum out from between your legs, landing on the sheets and of course your thighs.

He puts his cock back in his boxers, pulling your body close to his, wrapping your body up in his, spooning you. Thinking to himself, “Eh. I’ll change the sheets in the morning.”

[lovelookspretty]

not so bad

college!rafe cameron x reader au

— in which rafe and y/n absolutely despise each other in public but crush in secret. rafe is failing his humanities class & is assigned y/n as his tutor . . . maybe all it took for this relationship to form was just a bit of forced proximity and some time.

warning(s): raging hardcore sex. jk guys ! sex yes. 18+ mdni ! dont read the end if u arent comfortable. also some assault ngl from creepy guy

authors note: erm i needed conflict but the whole light stalker situation feels kind of corny so pls do not pay attention to that. also yes lowkey i got uncreative with the dialogue when y/n was giving rafe head ( that yes i just took it out completely ) SUE ME IM TIRED 😭

one | two | three | four | five | six | seven | eight | nine | ten

the days go by until you’ve reached saturday. you’ve been nothing but excited for what rafe has in store for the two of you. it’s been racking on your mind whether you and rafe are dating or not—is this saturday a friend date? or a date for . . . more?

you try to keep your composure when you’re around rafe or lorenzo. aria and elara are the only ones you’ve expressed your feelings to about the weekend. they both agree it’s a date date but suggest not to overthink it.

you know they’re right but for some reason, the thought of an official date feels so overwhelming.

in the library, you stand in an aisle of books while trying to find one in particular for one of your professors. it’s a recommendation, really, and he suggested yesterday that you bring him a copy from anywhere. you plan on giving it to him before you get ready for the date.

a pair of hands graze the side of your arms that send shivers. you don’t have to look at the person to know that it’s rafe. his scent is all you need.

“hey,” he whispers, appearing by your left side to take a look at the book in your hands. “reading something new?”

you chuckle but shake your head. “i wish. i’d give anything to read this for the first time,” you mutter under your breath as you stare down at the novel. when you look up at him, you add on, “just for my professor.”

you hand it to him because you can tell he wants a look closer. he takes it into his own hands, reading the title aloud, “the time traveler’s wife? what’s it about?”

you glance up at rafe, knowing he might not be up for a long explanation. with a small smile, you keep it brief, “it’s about this guy who time travels and his wife who has to deal with it. it’s really messy, but it’s just about love finding its way back, no matter what.” you shrug lightly, “kinda beautiful actually. one of my favorites.”

rafe raises his eyebrows as he hands the book back to you. “sounds interesting,” he comments. “aria’s still fine with me stealing you for a night right?”

you almost snort laughing. he and aria have this joke where rafe has to ask aria for permission to take you out, like you’re aria’s child. aria gives rafe things like pretend curfews, rules, etc.

“yeah she’s still fine with it,” you tell him. “i think she found her own date for tonight or tomorrow night. i forgot.”

rafe looks surprised. “aria? a date?”

“i know,” you say, and you walk him over to the stairs that leas down to the first floor of the library. “she’s mentioned him here and there for the past week—i don’t know much on the guy. just that he goes here and they met in english.”

rafe connects the dots that aria and the boy met in english, but that they also share an english class. it’s a little slow process but he gets it.

“wait, he’s in our english class?”

“yeah,” you confirm with a laugh. “which still, doesn’t give us much about who it is but he seems nice enough if aria’s going on a date with him.”

when you reach the bottom of the stairs, rafe turns to you, “well i’m gonna go pick enzo up from practice ‘cause he wants to go shopping real quick before he leaves for his lacrosse thing. you’ll be ready by six right?”

“obviously,” you mumble, and rafe chuckles softly, leaning in to press a kiss to your head. he ruffles your hair. “wait, why are you in the library then?”

he shrugs, beginning to walk away. “knew you’d be here.”

his words pierce through your mind. it makes you smile. you look down at your book with a hopeful glint in your eyes before heading to the front desk.

you really had no idea how to dress because rafe refused to tell you where you two were going on a date for days. fortunately before you got ready, you were complaining to rafe that you can’t dress for a place you don’t know about. you managed to get it out of him eventually.

‘ gee okay we’re going to a restaurant. it’s fancy but don’t be nervous. just be pretty ’

a fancy restaurant; so this really is a date date. this could go either really bad or really good depending on the food in there, but thankfully rafe also admitted what kind of restaurant it is.

you’re nervous no matter what rafe tells you to be, given your experience in this kind of environment. you’ve been to some around kildare, but each time just feels different. and this will be your first with rafe. you’re bound to feel tense.

he looks to you once you’re parked in front of the restaurant. “you ready to go?” he asks.

you nod, “ready to eat and drain your wallet.”

he shakes his head with a chuckle, and you’re glad he understands your humor. “you’re stupid,” he says as he gets out of the car, then jogs over to your side to open up your door. “don’t say a thing.”

“you’re such a gentleman,” you comment anyway, and you step out of the car while taking your hand into his. he helps you out before he shuts the door and locks the car, stuffing his keys in his pocket.

he keeps a tight grip on your hand but he squeezes it once. “c’mon,” he murmurs, leading you out of the parking lot.

he leads you into the restaurant where you wait for him to settle all the details about the reservation. you’re led to a table on the second floor. it’s right above the bar on the first floor but it’s right against the railing so you’re able to peek and see who comes in or out, and you especially note that you’re able to see when someone comes up or down the staircase.

you settle in your seats and are given water and their menu to start with, but you and rafe are ready to order your drinks at the very least.

“i’ll give you a few minutes to look over the menu. if you have any questions or need recommendations, feel free to ask,” the woman says with a kind smile before she leaves to come fetch your drinks.

it’s left to you and rafe at the table. you can tell that even he’s a little anxious but he’s putting it aside well.

“i haven’t been to a restaurant in so long,” you try to ease both of yourselves as you look around at all of the people who are just settling in, leaving, or staying for their next meal. “where did you find out about this one?”

“just around the corner from the new café, i’m surprised you didn’t notice,” he says, in which you scrunch your nose at. you honestly have no sense of surroundings that you didn’t catch it before.

“i’m glad you asked me to come,” you tell him after a few moments, and rafe widely grins at you as he nods.

“c’mere,” he whispers as he reaches his hand out on top of the table. you can’t help the smile on your face when you take your hand into his, though your gaze trails up briefly to who walked up the stairs and appeared behind rafe.

“—y/n?”

it takes you a moment but your eyes widen when you realize who’s standing there beside their own date—“aria?” you say back.

rafe furrows his eyebrows in confusion at you, turning around in his seat to see if aria really is there too. he’s dumbfounded to find that you aren’t kidding.

aria can read the expression on your face and her own falls, realizing the mistake she’s made. she’s interrupting you two.

aria is silent as she and her date get led to a table beside you, as per aria’s request so it’s easier to talk to you. when they’re seated, aria holds her purse in her lap and leans toward you.

“i didn’t know you were coming here for your date!” aria whispers, and you can tell she’s in a panic, “i’m so sorry!”

you look to rafe and stare at him with a look that can only tell him that you know this is a bad thing. really? there goes your alone time.

“we can make this a double-date!” her date suggests. aria looks to him, then at rafe with an unapologetic expression. “i’m reggie!”

“reggie—?” you question as you look to aria for help.

“you didn’t tell me your roommate was here, ari,” reggie says to her as he unfolds the napkin and places it on his lap happily.

aria is clearly bothered by the so that as she slowly unfolds her own napkin. “yeah ‘cause i didn’t know, if it wasn’t already obvious enough,” she grits through her teeth. she leans forward to speak to reggie directly, “maybe we go look for another restaurant?”

reggie shakes his head, “but we’ve already made our reservation here and we’re seated! what’s the harm?” he looks to you and rafe. “you guys wouldn’t mind a double, would you now?”

rafe’s gaze is already on you when you face him. you know that this reggie guy is off to a bad start so far, and sitting beside them of all people is going to be difficult. respectfully, you guys are supposed to be having this night together, not with them.

“guess not,” rafe says with a smile, though you can tell he’s upset. the server comes back with your drinks and you sit quietly while she places them in front of you both. “thank you.”

“thanks,” you mutter, then take the glass of water and begin downing it gulp by gulp. rafe eyes you carefully when he’s going for just a sip of his water. even aria, reggie, and the server are watching too.

you set your glass down and press a hand to your stomach, feeling off about this whole thing. you should’ve talked with aria earlier to discuss where each date is going to take place so stuff like this can be avoided.

regardless, you and rafe order and decide to converse with aria and reggie while you’re there anyway. it’s agreeable that it’s strange to be there at the same time on the same day at the same place, but there was a light joke thrown in that suggests they all become friends from then on.

“hey, you’re roommates with lorenzo agosta, right?” reggie asks rafe. the blond boy only gives a silent nod in response. “i’ve been to some of his games, he’s pretty good! his girlfriend is that little uh . . . elena?”

“elara,” rafe says as he looks over the railing to see if their waitress has come to bring their food to them yet. “they’re not really boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“oh,” reggie notes with a nod. “so that was some debate between you two.”

you feel exhausted just hearing him. he yaps so much—does he like the sound of his own voice this bad or something?

but you remember what he’s talking about. right; he’s in your class.

“yeah,” you reply dryly. “all in good fun.”

“never thought i’d see this pairing outside of that class after that,” he says, and he’s referring to you and rafe. “let alone on a date.”

aria gulps down her drink as she raises her hand, “check!”

reggie looks at her with his mouth gaped open, “already—?”

“—yep!”

you eat your food in silence as reggie goes on about school. you and rafe are sharing glances with each other constantly, seeming unable to find a moment together that it’s actually irritating.

aria seems tired of her date too. whether or not she’s into the fact that he’s . . . very social, she must think that the time to be social isn’t for a time like this. you can tell she’s embarrassed as she picks at her food.

at some point, aria actually stands up and clears her throat, announcing, “i need to go find a restroom, i’m not feeling too hot.”

she walks over to the hallway just a few tables down, and she disappears without a word.

rafe wipes his mouth with his napkin and stands up, alerting the two of you, “me too. i’m gonna get some air.”

“in a bathroom?” you ask him.

“in a bathroom,” he confirms, leaving his seat to use the men’s restroom. you watch the path he takes until you can’t see him anymore. guess they really can’t take it.

it’s silence amongst you and reggie when you look back at him. he’s seemed to quiet down, and his energy is depleted after watching them excuse themselves. even his own date.

you collect a piece of your food on your fork and slowly lean forward to bring it into your mouth, then chew, contemplating if going in the restroom next will be the best choice, even if it means hurting reggie.

suddenly he twitches, turning to you to reach over to your hand, which you feel like yanking away immediately, but you just stare at him in bewilderment.

“hey i’m sorry if i’ve been talking everyone’s ear off.” his tone is different, it’s serious, and his expression is too. “i didn’t realize how badly i could be bothering you and rafe since this is your date after all.”

you blink twice. acknowledgement? coming from him? this is the first. you try to continue staying unbothered as you reach for your drink.

“not the best at making friends,” he says with a slight chuckle. “and you just make me nervous i guess.”

you stop the flow of the drink as you stare forward. you gulp down what’s remaining in your mouth before setting the glass down, looking at him.

“nervous?” you ask him.

“you’re just pretty,” he says, and you slowly pull your hand away from him. “i’ve seen you in our english class.”

you feel off about this whole thing. “okay,” you mutter under your breath, but he grabs a handful of the table cloth.

you’re stunned at the aggression within him, and your hand instinctively reaches up to grab the table cloth to pull it down as much as you can so he doesn’t damage the restaurants property.

when he sees your hand within view again, he takes it instead, with force, “you can’t be sitting here with a guy like rafe cameron—i mean, what’s the appeal?” he snorts, “he doesn’t know how gifted you are. you’re at the top of all our classes.”

our classes?

“he can’t handle someone like you, he can’t satisfy you.”

you lean forward, staring at him directly. “get. the fuck. off of me,” you say through your teeth, but he keeps a firm grip.

“i’ve had my eye on you since the first day of school. he doesn’t know anything about you.”

“and you do?” you ask, and knowing that he said that must mean he knows a good deal about you, at least. it’s fucking creepy. who is this guy? “let go of me,” you tell him.

suddenly it’s so fast that you don’t see it coming.

rafe dashes across the floor and finds you, but rips reggie’s hand away from your wrist in one action. reggie seems to be raising his hands in surrender when he knows he’s caught, but rafe keeps two handfuls of reggie’s collar.

he’s heated, and you look to the side to find that aria is standing at the end of the hallway, devastated at the turnout of the two dates.

she realizes she should do something so she finds you quickly, and you get out of your chair to hold her hands. she checks your wrists for any marks.

“did he hurt you?” aria keeps asking in a panic, and you just watch as rafe handles reggie.

“i just held her wrist man, i just held her—” reggie is trying to say before rafe throws him to the ground.

he turns to you and aria, reaching his hand out.

you stare at his hand, then back at him, then take it. aria is connected with your other hand as rafe leads the two of you all the way down the stairs, then to the front of the restaurant.

“go outside, alright? i’m gonna pay the check,” rafe says in a hurry, and he reaches deep in his pockets for his keys, fumbling with them as he passes them to you. “go in the car already, okay? i’ll meet you there. aria, let reggie pay your check. just stay in the car.”

“okay,” you mumble as rafe leans in to press a kiss to your head before he leaves to call a server over, so you take aria’s hand and rush to where you remember rafe’s car is.

aria is in a fit, crying as you and her run across the seat, “i’m so sorry y/n! i didn’t think he was like that!”

“it’s fine aria, just c’mon,” you tell her as you open the door of the truck, scooting inside and urging her to come in with you in the backseat. “up, up, up.”

she has to hold onto the car door and the seat, lifting herself up and into the spot next to you. she shuts the door behind her.

you refrain from crying when aria begins to face her mistakes from that night. but you can’t blame her for choosing the wrong guy; it’s not like she knew before today that he is the way he is.

rafe soon joins you in the car and doesn’t question why you’re in the backseat with aria. he’s quick to start the car and go back home.

you stare at aria sound asleep in someone’s bed. it took a bit to get there, but all her crying stopped after the constant reassurance for half an hour. guess sleep got to her fast.

your arms are crossed but you rub the side of your arm as you look around the dorm.

“she’ll be safe,” a girl says from behind you. you turn around, finding one of aria’s friends there. you’re grateful to have already met aria’s other friends earlier in the year so you can have her fall asleep in her dorm room tonight. “i promise.”

“thanks for this, i really do appreciate it,” you tell her. “tell her to text me when she wakes up?”

“of course, goodnight,” she says, and you return it, slowly making your way out of the dorm so you can let her sleep too. you blow off some steam from this past night, and you begin walking to your dorm.

the memories replay in your head again and again. ‘ i’ve seen you in our english class . . . ’

where else have you seen me?

“hey,” a voice calls to you from across the hall. you’re startled by it ripping you away from your thoughts, but you look up to find rafe standing in his doorframe. you walk over to him immediately, clinging to him like a magnet once you’ve touched his skin.

you wrap your arms around his torso and press your ear to his chest, so he frowns, his arms coming around to embrace you.

“stay the night in my room,” rafe whispers, his hand coming up to rub his thumb against the top of your head. “enzo’s not in there tonight. he’s away for a tournament.”

you don’t even need to think about what’s best for you. you know what is.

“okay,” you say, because it’s him.

“do you wanna talk about it?” he asks you as he climbs onto his bed with you. you’re sitting up with your legs crossed, kind of just staring out.

“i don’t know,” you say, and he gets underneath the blanket. “no.”

he only sighs as he grabs an end of the blanket and pulls it over you at the very least. he lays his head down on his pillow and keeps his arm wrapped around your waist for comfort.

he closes his eyes. “do you want me to turn off the light?” he questions, referring to his lamp that he’s keeping on since you’re still awake. he can’t tell when you’ll lay down to fall asleep either.

“does it bother you if it’s on?”

he shrugs, “not if you want it on.”

you think about it for a moment, grateful that he’ll fall asleep with his light on if it helps you. “i can turn it off,” you volunteer, and he adjusts his head on his pillow as you reach over to his nightstand. “you have your nightlight anyway.”

you’re referring to the plug-in in the wall across the room. you don’t know whether it’s rafes or lorenzos, but it’s amusing to know that one of them need it to say the least.

“stop,” he whispers. “goodnight.”

it brings a smile on your face as you turn off the lamp and get under the sheets. you can’t see much, but you can make out some things with the nightlight on behind you.

you face rafe and lay your head on the pillow carefully, though you can’t sleep yet. you’re just watching him doze off on his own.

“goodnight,” you whisper back.

you close your eyes and try to keep tonight out of your thoughts—at least the positive bits. rafe surprising you at the library just because he knew you would be there, his constant load of messages of him expressing how excited he was for the date, the tugging at him so he’d admit where you two were going, even when rafe was handling reggie for you.

reggie. his name and face are burned in your mind.

you don’t feel yourself fall asleep until you’re mid-dream. the events of the night replay twice for you, but this time, rafe isn’t here to save you.

reggie’s reaching for your hand, gripping it, pulling it. you hear his laughter like an echo. he’s grinning at you, but there’s something uncanny about him this time. the way he’s looking at you.

you receive the stalker feeling from reggie, it is loud and clear. he’s been watching you since the first day of school and you didn’t even know it—what times has he been around to see you without you noticing?

your eyes snap open and you realize you’ve been crying as you sleep. you whine softly as you reach up to touch your cheek. your fingers get wet immediately, and you blink out the tears that have been building up most recently.

rafe feels your movement while he’s half-asleep, but he wakes himself up enough to open his eyes and breathe in a great deal of air as he checks up on you.

his hand on your arm becomes more focused, and you can tell he’s awake.

“are you okay?” he asks you, not thinking much of it until he reaches up to touch your face, and he instantly reacts to the tears streaming down your face. “y/n?” he reaches up and over you to turn his lamp on. when he looks down at you, he sees the state you’re in.

you don’t even mean to be crying but now that it’s here, it’s like you just can’t make it stop. you choke out a few sobs when there’s no point in hiding it anymore. “i had a nightmare,” you manage to get out in between.

rafe’s heart clenches at the sound of you, and he pulls you closer to him, wanting to offer whatever comfort he can. “c’mere,” he says quietly, “it’s okay, i’m here. and i’m not going anywhere. you’re safe with me.”

his words only make you cry harder, grateful that he’s willing to open his arms willingly for you. “it was reggie,” you tell him about your nightmare. “we were back the restaurant and he was trying to grab me again but it was so . . . aggressive and scary and . . .”

rafe listens to your words. he remembers the way reggie was with you tonight. rafe pulls you tighter against his chest, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back. “hey, it’s okay.”

you want to just go to sleep peacefully, to forget about the guy, but your mind won’t allow it. you assume it’s because you didn’t properly process any of it before. you were so keen on making sure aria was okay that you set your own feelings aside.

“i just wanna sleep,” you mumble, wiping your eyes with your wrist.

he wants nothing more than to take away all your pain and worries. he looks at you, his eyes soft, and gently tilts your chin up to look at him. “you can sleep,” he says, “i’ll be here for you y/n. always.”

you look up at rafe and stare into his eyes, feeling his sense of care. all you want is him, to take your mind off of it. it’s a different method than usual to distract you, but it’s also used as a way to tell him thank you.

you lean in to press your lips against his.

rafe's heart flutters as he closes hie eyes, his hand reaching out to gently cup the side of your face. he deepens the kiss, running his tongue along your bottom lip before pulling back.

his breath is fanning over your lips as he looks down at you. he brushes a strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers tracing the shape of your face. “you know, i’ve been thinking,” he begins, his voice barely above a whisper.

“maybe we should just . . . forget about everything else for tonight. just you and me, okay?” he says, his eyes searching yours for understanding and agreement.

at his words, you want nothing more than him right now. you lean in for another kiss but this time, it’s hungrier. there’s more desire.

he catches your lips on his and his hand coming up to cradle the back of your head as he rolls onto his back, pulling you on top of him.

you sit up briefly to pull your shirt over your head, then lean back down to connect your lips with his again, your legs tangled with his. he kisses you softly, sweetly, his hands roaming over your back and sides.

rafe pulls back slightly, his lips still brushing against yours as he whispers, “i want you so bad, but only if you’re sure. i don’t want to rush anything.”

“i’m sure,” you promise him. “i need to get my mind off of this.”

with a nod from you, rafe moves his hands to your hips, helping you move to straddle him as he shifts so that he’s leaning back against the headboard. he leans in to kiss you again, his hands moving to your breasts, his thumbs brushing over your nipples.

“fuck,” you hiss at the contact.

“god, you’re so beautiful,” rafe breathes, breaking the kiss to bury his face in your chest. he takes one of your nipples into his mouth, his hands squeezing and massaging the other breast. he sucks hard, his teeth grazing against the sensitive peak. you lean your head back on your shoulders.

rafe releases your nipple with a pop, his eyes locked on yours as he moves to the other breast, giving it the same treatment. he looks up at you, his face flushed, his lips swollen from kissing you. “tell me what you need,” he whispers, his breath hot against your skin.

your hands come up to cup his face, and your thumb traces his lips as you kiss him again, biting down on his lip softly, then pulling away. “i need you rafe,” you tell him.

“you have me,” he whispers.

you lift your hips up briefly so he’s able to pull his sweats and his boxers off together, and he kicks them off to the edge of the bed. you lower yourself down on his cock without putting it in yet, dragging your clothed cunt back and forth against him. all that’s separating you two is your underwear.

“fuck,” he groans, leaning back against the headboard again, his eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of your wetness through the thin fabric of your underwear. he can feel himself already dripping with pre-cum, and you haven’t even fully touched him yet.

“please,” you whisper against his lips like you’re begging for him to be inside of you already. you’re rocking your hips back and forth against the underside of his cock. you’re ready for him.

“you’re such a fucking tease,” rafe groans, reaching down to pull your panties to the side, “fuck, you’re wet too," he adds as he rubs the head of his cock against your entrance, teasing you back.

he finally relents, pushing inside of you slowly, watching as your eyes flutter shut and your mouth drops open in pleasure. “you feel so good,” he says.

"you’re so tight, mmhf, and wet—god, it’s like you were made for me,” he grunts, picking up a steady rhythm, sliding his cock in and out of your wet cunt while you moan.

he flips the two of you so you’re on your back with him hovering on top of you. he easily lifts your legs and lays them over his shoulders, making you gasp at the new sensation as he pushes inside of you deeper. “is this how you want it?”

you’re a moaning mess but you bite down on your lip to keep them all from coming out. “just like that rafe, please,” you whimper, savoring the feeling of his cock repeatedly pushing in and out of you at a steady pace.

“fuck, look at you,” he groans, his hands gripping your thighs tightly as he pounds into you, “so pretty and fucked out, just lying there and taking it.” he leans forward, burying his face in your neck as he fucks you harder.

you cry out at the new pace, and you wrap your arm around his neck to pull him closer.

his teeth sink into your neck as he fucks you even harder, the headboard slamming against the wall with each thrust. “you're mine, all mine, and i’m gonna fucking ruin you for anyone else.”

you feel yourself about to cum within the next minute, and you’re clinging to the feeling with everything you have. it feels too good to lose grip on.

rafe takes the opportunity to pull out before you do, and he lowers himself down to be eye-level with your pussy. he dives right in, his lips around your clit as his fingers toy at your entrance before slipping in. he wants you to cum from his mouth.

your mouth gapes open at the feeling of his long fingers being able to slide into your pussy with ease.

he smirks up at you, two fingers curled to hit that right spot inside of you as his tongue works your clit, determined to make you cum harder than ever before.

he sucks harder on your clit, his fingers thrusting into you even faster until you finally release.

he moans as he tastes you, fingers still pumping into you softly as you ride out the aftershocks, his tongue easing the intensity. “such a good girl for me,” he praises.

he keeps his fingers inside you, holding you through the aftershocks, his thumb pressing against your clit to keep the pleasure going as he looks up at you with a satisfied smile, “let’s get you cleaned up so you can go to sleep y/n.”

you realize he’s only made you cum, but not him. “wait, what? already? what about you?”

he shakes his head as he gets off of the bed. “it’s not about me angel,” he tells you. “plus, you look fucked out and satisfied. that sight is more than enough for me.”

before he goes to grab some tissues you assume, you reach for him and grab his wrist to stop him. he looks down at you, in which you tell him, “but i want to.”

he pauses and looks at you, a look of surprise flicking across his face as he looks down at you, probably not expecting you offering him a blowjob just to make him cum. then again, after the orgasm he just gave you, perhaps he shouldn't be so surprised.

“please.” you tug on his arm to get him to come back to bed with you. “lay down,” you murmur.

he smiles at you, a little bit amused before nodding and pulling his wrist out of your grip. he crawls back onto the bed, lying down so that his head is on the pillow while looking at you expectantly.

you watch him move, your heart racing in a mix of arousal and excitement. he can see the flush spreading on your cheeks as you inch closer to him. he could only smile at you, realizing that despite your bold act earlier, it’s still taking its toll on your nerves.

you take a look at his cock in front of you. it’s big, and it’s pulsating for you. you slowly move forward and press your lips to the tip first. he sucks in a breath. he could feel you moving forward slowly, taking him into your mouth inch by inch and it’s making his head spin.

you try not to gag at the feeling of him filling your mouth. you wrap your hand around his base and pump him as you suck. using your tongue, you swirl it around his tip.

after a bit, your mouth quickly leaves his cock and sucks at the tip of his ballsack instead. you suck on them one by one.

he moans at the sensation, his hand reaching down between his legs to tangle into your hair. he whispers his approval, letting you continue with what you’re doing. his brain overloaded with pleasure it’s hard to form any words or even sentences. he’s completely at your mercy.

you take that as approval to continue and spend a minute or two lavishing attention on his balls—licking, sucking, and worshipping them. then you go back to his cock, kissing your way back up before taking him back into your mouth, faster and deeper now.

he lets out a string of incoherent words and sounds as you do. his fingers tighten in your hair as he struggles to keep himself from thrusting forward and choking you. he’s so close already, and you’re not even halfway through your technique.

the vibrations from your humming send him over the edge. he starts thrusting forward, fucking your mouth with no regard for your comfort or safety. he’s too far gone, lost in the pleasure you’re providing him.

he starts to cum, his cock throbbing as he shoots load after load down your throat. he tightens his grip on your hair as he bucks his hips up against your mouth, keeping you there as he cums, groaning.

you swallow everything he gives you, never breaking eye contact with him until he’s spent and still. he collapses back onto the mattress, a heavy panting escaping his lips as he tries to recover from that orgasm. he’s never felt so spent right after sex before. he looks down at you, his body going weak again at the sight of you still there.

you smile, satisfied, content even, as you look up at him with half lidded eyes. “was that okay?” you ask softly.

“fuck, that was amazing,” he gasps out, trying to catch his breath. he watches as you go to his dresser to retrieve the box of tissues he keeps, and you make your way back to him.

you hand a tissue to him, but he just pulls you closer to press his lips against yours, needing to feel you again. there’s a slight blush on your cheeks as you pull away.

rafe is tired, but he’s staring at you like he’s in a daze, “you're going to be the death of me, i swear.”

sobbing omg that was all so fast paced

@sublimepenguinpeach-blog @lalalalala33 @darkcolorexpert @babyflockaaaa @lifeofleasaasa @ilyrafe @mkiverd @wxn-drlst @maybankslover @xxbirkindoll2 @chiliwhore @wearemadeofstardust0 @thepopcultureaddict @mounthings @ijustwanttoreadlols @karmasloverrr @lilithblackkk @drewsdirtyslut @rafesno1bae @mfdoomdickrider @pillowprincess4him @lanascokedeal3r @evilsturniolos

[ice-cream-writes-stuff]

☆There's No Place Like Home☆

《You are new to this... Neighborhood? Where the hell are you?》

[Episode 1]

《Warnings: the subject matter this ARG has are potentially disturbing. DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT. Welcome Home was created by Clown @ partycoffin 》

-

Gasping for air, you sat up quickly, blinking your eyes bleary as you try to focus on where you are. What greeted you was... Your steering wheel? Were you in your car? Why are you in your car, shouldn't you be at home? Did you sleep on the drive back?

Oh God wait.

Did you hit something!?

Even in your sleep deprived mind, you quickly take out your keys from the ignition and unlock your door and step outside. Praying or hoping that there wasn't any damage..!

"Oh thank God! It's not totaled..." Breathing in the sweet air, you pause your celebration.

Your car was fine, for the most part, it was parked crooked outside of someone's house. But otherwise nothing.

Looking around, you saw that you were in some neighborhood. But not any you were familiar with, the houses on the street were brightly-colored and big. Reminding you of commercials for housing on T.V.

Speaking of houses, you needed to get home. But what street were you even on? Heading to the closest house that was (favorite-color), you check the numbers, but couldn't find them?

"What is with this place?"

Curiously, you decided to knock and just ask for directions. Yet when you did, the house door opens up.

Stupidly, you call out into the darkness. Apologizing for intruding in the owner's home.

You take a chance and step inside the home, carefully fiddling with your keys in case you needed to use them as weapons.

The door slams shut behind you, but you don't turn back

Eyes

. You saw so many eyes...Why is there so many damn eyes!?

You close your peepers, holding your breath, hoping for a quick death. Unaware of the flickering of the lights and confetti being thrown at you.

"SUPRISE! WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD!" Warm, bright, different voices greet you. All joyous and happy to be there.

You fall onto your knees, sobbing uncontrollably as your tears stain the floorboard.

-

[Taglist closed]

(Welcome to the neighborhood reader! Haha, jk, I'm getting into a new Fandom. Hopefully you guys enjoy this! If you did, reblog and comment, it helps me with my creativity! If you'd like to learn more about this story (not the arg) but it in my asks. Fan art is appreciated. Thank you!)

[back2bluesidex]

Where Do Broken Hearts Go - Chapter 2 (18+)

Pairing: Model, ex-boyfriend!Jungkook X Child psychologist, Fem!Reader X Lawyer, Single Dad!Hoseok. 

Summary: Jungkook stripped your emotions naked, left you bare in the chilly wind of despair and self-doubt with an unending heartache. You tried your hardest to move on from him, to live for yourself but failed miserably. Each night you had to come back to your empty home where memories and broken dreams were scattered all around the floor, until one day a little angel and her unbelievably beautiful father came into your life. Finally, when you find yourself healing, maybe falling too, Jungkook had to show up! Again!

Theme: Angst, pining, heartbreak, break-up, SMUT (MDNI) (not in this chapter)

Warnings: Mentions of school bullying, Hoseok is so attractive (this chapter is basically me simping over Hoseok), Reader is insecure.

Word count: 4.4k

Taglist requests are closed.

Minors and karens are not allowed in this blog

A/N: The chapter starts with JK's pov and changes into the reader's but it's nothing too tough to understand. I hope you guys like it. Please hit me up on askbox and let me know how is it.

Main Masterlist

Chapters:- 

Prologue/Masterpost || Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3 || Chapter 4 || Chapter 5 || Chapter 6 || Chapter 7 - Finale

His eyes drift towards the window. 

What time should it be now? 10 am? 11 am? He doesn’t know. Not that he is in a rush for anything. There is absolutely no haste to disappear before prying cameras sneak into his private space. 

He should be at peace, a weird tranquility that is supposed to be easy. But deep down Jungkook is very much unsettled. 

As he eyes the wide blue sky out of Jiwon’s bedroom window, his mind reels back to you. The last day he saw you, the way you were standing with a ring in your hands, the way he broke your heart and the way you marched out of his life with merely a goodbye. You didn’t ask him why he fell out of love with you, nor were you curious enough about what made him fall in love with another woman. 

“What does she have that I don’t? Why can’t I be enough for you? How can you be so cruel?” These are the words Jungkook expected to hear from you when he dropped the bomb. But instead he heard you wishing him a good life and walking away from him without a single complaint. 

Were you always ready for the blow? Were you preparing yourself to let him go? He can’t tell. But no matter how much he tries he can’t stop wondering what you are upto now. How have you been spending your nights or how are you coping up with the pain he has provided you with?

Jiwon scoots her body closer to Jungkook’s. Her nose brushes on his forearm. Jungkook freezes. Is he really thinking of you lying awake in his new girlfriend’s bed after breaking up with you for the same woman?

He is being unfair to both of you and Jiwon. 

His eyes close on their own accord. 

When he opens those again, Jiwon is already smiling up at him. 

“Good Morning, handsome.” she says sweetly. 

“It’s almost noon, I believe.” Jungkook chuckles, turning on his side, facing Jiwon fully. 

“Really? Then we better leave the bed now. You can wash up while I make coffee for you.” Jiwon kisses on his cheek as she sits up. 

“No. It’s fine. I have to leave.” Jungkook sits up too. 

“Why? You don’t have any schedule today. Do you?” Jiwon pouts. 

“Not really. Actually.. my house is a mess and I wanted to clean up before I get busy.” Jungkook reasons. 

“We can eliminate these problems, you know?” Jiwon holds his hand, looking a little shy and sheepish. 

“Umm? I didn’t get you?”  Jungkook is confused. He has no idea what his new girlfriend has to suggest for his house chore. 

“I mean… Why don’t we move in together? It will be easy for both of us. We can take turns on the chore and spend more time together when both of us are free? What do you say?” Jiwon’s eyes are full of hope. But Jungkook doesn’t know what to say. 

“I- Jiwon, I think it’s too early. We will have to talk to the agency as well.” Jungkook runs a hand through his already disheveled hair. 

“Why will we have to talk to the agency? They already know about us. All we need to do is to inform them once we are ready.” Jiwon holds his hand tighter. 

That’s the thing. Jungkook is not ready yet. Your words ring in the back of his head.  

“Home? You mean the apartment you left because your agency said it’s risky to share a space with your girlfriend of three years? The same place you refused to meet at because paparazzi are keeping tabs on you as you are rumored to be dating someone else?”

He sighs. 

Yes, he loves Jiwon but he doesn’t know if he is ready to share a space with her yet. Especially when he left you behind in the excuse of his career and prying paparazzies. 

Jungkook concludes that it’s his guilt that is resisting him from going too far with Jiwon just yet. So he decides to wait, to take a little time to think more deeply about what he actually wants, not what he wants to want for the sake of his girlfriend. 

“Jiwon, I don’t want to rush anything. We can take it slow and understand each other better before moving in. Let’s give each other a little more time, okay?” He says with a tight lipped smile. 

Jiwon’s face falls a bit but she nods in understanding. 

“You must admit, the guardian of your new counselee is too hot.” Miseon mumbles as she chews down a spoonful of bibimbap, “he seems quite young too. Must have gotten married to his high school sweetheart or something?” 

You narrow your eyes at her, “If you are trying to dig down his personal information then let me remind you that-”

“Yeah. Yeah I know. Confidential information and all. I was just curious. I mean usually both of the parents or mothers visit with their children. It’s probably the first time I saw only the dad coming in, that too, looking like a snack.” Your friend looks up at you with a quizzical gaze as if she wants you to validate what she just commented. 

Yes. Hoseok is certainly hot and attractive. But what gripped you more is the way he is determined to be a good father to Sua, despite the complicated fatherhood he faced. The concerned look on his handsome face flashes in your mind.  

“Y/N?” Hoseok calls your name as he stands up from his seat, getting ready to leave your cabin. 

“Yes?” you respond. 

“Sua.. she will be fine, right?” If you are not wrong then you hear Hoseok’s voice trembling a bit.

“I will be able to answer that after two more sessions I suppose.” you smile apologetically. 

“Yeah. Yeah of course. I am sorry. I- I am just very worried.” His eyes drop to stare at the floor. 

“Which is only natural. There is no need to apologize.” You voice. Pausing a little bit, you continue, “Sua seems to be more mature than the kids of her age. She is quite closed up as well. So, it is possible for her to hide some sort of things she is going through. I need to win her trust first to let her open up to me but-” 

“But?” Hoseok grows impatient.

“But that is going to take some time. Especially because I don’t think she liked me. She might refuse to come back for the next session.”  You place carefully. 

“Then? What do you suggest doing in that case?” Hoseok questions. 

“I suggest outdoor therapy. Spending time with the counselee and their guardians in a place they like to visit together occasionally or frequently. And I also suggest Friday afternoons for counseling. Kids tend to be in a better mood and far more approachable when they are in their pre-weekend glory.” Your suggestion seems to put Hoseok at ease. “You already have my number. You can text me the place and time once you decide. Although I prefer the slot after lunch.” 

He nods, “Great then. I will see you on Friday… after lunch.” 

Hoseok’s dark eyes bores into yours once again as he steps towards you.

“It was nice to meet you, Y/N.” he extends one of his veiny hands. 

You slip your hand into his, intertwining the muscles in a shake, “Likewise, Hoseok.”  

Miseon claps her hands in front of your face, shaking you out of the thoughts of Mr. Jung, “Hey mate! Where are you so lost?” 

“What? Yeah? Sorry, I was… thinking something.” you reply, jabbing your spoon in your bowl of bibimbap. 

“No. Don’t tell me you were lost in the thoughts of your douchebag ex-boyfriend.” Your friend regards you with fake anger in her eyes. 

“Ugh no! It was completely different.” you groan. Now that you realize, it’s probably the first time since your breakup that you have gone so long without having to let Jungkook’s thoughts seep inside your head. Meeting the Jungs was one thing but to keep on thinking of them even after they left your work place hours ago, is a completely different matter.  

And it’s a very welcoming change.

You sigh, “Don’t call him douchebag. He is not that bad.” 

Miseon’s eyes go wide at your response, “What is wrong with you? He left you for another girl, Y/N! How can you defend him like this?” 

You sigh, closing your eyes, “I am not defending him, Miseon. Some things are not just meant to be, you know? No matter how much time you invest, some relationships are not meant to last. Just like you can’t help falling in love with someone, you can’t help falling out as well. And he fell out of love with me, he found someone more suitable for him. What’s wrong with that? I should appreciate him that he at least didn’t go behind my back and cheat on me. Yeah, whatever Jungkook did, did not hurt me any less but that does not make him a bad person. Everyone deserves to be happy, be loved, be in love… so does he. I just- I just need to accept it.” Saying these words out loud really lightens your heart. Maybe today can be the first step towards your healing, just as you thought at the beginning of the day. 

“But what about your happiness? What about you being loved, being in love?” Miseon places her question. 

“I don’t really know. At this point I don’t even know if I deserve to be loved or not. Maybe there is something wrong with me, isn’t that the reason none of my relationships were successful?” You smile at her with eyes full of tears. 

“Cut the crap. You- I will strangle you to death if you say stuff like this ever again.”  Miseon jerks a fork in your direction making you laugh a little.

“Calm down, you angry woman.” you joke but your heart still feels heavy beyond measure.

Everything about weekdays is fine.. Apart from the fact that you have to come back to a huge and lonely home. 

It’s Wednesday and you sigh at the thought of entering your condo with absolutely nothing waiting for you. The thought burdens you, saddens you and you almost feel jealous of the newly married couple who just moved in last week. 

You punch the key-code in, which is, by the way, your and Jungkook’s birthdates combined. 

Placing the bag of groceries, you take a seat on the couch. The soft material soothes your aching back right away. You lean your head on the headrest, stare down at the cream-colored cloth of the couch, and caress it lightly as if caressing fragile memories. 

“Jungkook! What is wrong with you?” you sigh in resignation, throwing your purse on the couch.  

“Nothing.” He replies heading straight to the kitchen. 

“Don’t avoid it. You have been sulking all the way home. Did I offend you somehow?” you head towards your boyfriend. 

Jungkook chugs down water, crushes the plastic bottle and disposes of it in the trashcan so ferociously that you can’t help but be more and more amused with each passing moment. 

The moment he is about to exit the kitchen, you come and stand in front of him, “Jungkook, what is it?” 

Jungkook takes in a sharp inhale, avoiding his eyes from yours. 

“Who was that guy?” His voice is low, decorated with a buzz that suggests his annoyance.  

“Which guy?” There were a lot of guys at your reunion party and you don’t know which one Jungkook saw. Especially because he was waiting at the exit inside the car. 

“The one that saw you off with a hug.” He grits these words through his teeth. 

“O-Oh.. that’s Taeho, one of my batch mates. We used to be really close.” you gulp at the face Jungkook is making at your response.

“Really close huh? Is that why he hugged you so intimately? Wrapping up your waist, burying his entire fucking face on your neck? Just like a lover would? Just like I would?” 

Jungkook is jealous. And jealous Jungkook is not a good news. So you clear your voice as you choose your words carefully. 

“I admit that he was a little touchy. But he has always been like this with everyone. I promise, Jungkook, he didn’t have any other intention.” you reply calmly. 

“Really? Are you sure?” your boyfriend starts backing you up on the kitchen counter and soon you feel the cold countertop through the material of your dress. 

“Yes. hundred percent.” Jungkook’s tattooed arm comes to rest on one of your cheeks. 

“Good.” his body presses onto yours. “You know I love you, right? I am sorry for my behavior earlier. I just can’t see you with anyone else. What if they steal you from me?” Jungkook’s expression softens and an adorable pout takes over his lips. 

You giggle a little, “I know. And you, too, should know that nobody can take me away from you unless you give up on me.” 

“I am never gonna give up on you.” whispering these words, Jungkook brings his lips to yours. Locking two pairs of the soft pillowy muscles as if to seal the deal. 

A lone tear rolls down your cheek as you stare at the kitchen counter at present. Jungkook gave up on you and your love so easily, so fast and so readily that you didn’t even get the chance to ask him why and how. He looked so dejected the moment you pulled out the ring, that you had to take a step back out of embarrassment. You felt like you were throwing yourself at him when he was not at all willing to look at you properly. 

You are about to reach for the tissue box kept on the coffee table but you feel your work phone buzzing inside your coat pocket. It’s a text from an unknown number, probably from one of your new patients. 

“Hi.” “Seodaemun Children Park, Friday, 3:30 pm.”  “- Jung Hoseok.” 

If you are excited for an outdoor therapy, then you are not showing it on your face and absolutely not with your dress. 

You decided to keep it casual with a pair of denim boyfriend jeans and a lavender-colored knitted top. You check your face a little before getting out of your car. You look fine. Not that you want to look extra pretty or something, it’s just that you don’t want to convey your internal troubles through your face. 

A gush of fresh wind hits you as soon as you step out of the stuffy interior of your car. And you are smiling, without even noticing. 

You decide to take a moment to admire the beauty of fall, the light chill in the wind and the dimmed sun heading in the west. Maybe Miseon was right. You should have taken a walk around your neighborhood instead of drowning yourself in bottles of Soju back in the days of your pity party. 

Sighing to yourself, you pull out your phone from your purse to call Mr. Jung. 

He receives it just after the first ring. 

"Hello, Mr. Jung. This is Dr. Y/N. I have arrived at the park." You speak into the device. 

"Hey, Y/N. Just walk straight from the entrance and you will see a huge fountain. We are sitting at a bench right beside that." His voice comes out thicker through the speaker of your phone but you can feel the cherriness in it regardless. 

"Okay." You reply briefly as you cut the call.

Unlike you, Mr. Jung has chosen to dress formally. A dark blue three piece suit paired with equally majestic dark Chelsea boots signify an aura of authority in him. The attorney badge, sitting right on his suit, makes him look even sexier all together. He sits cross-legged, a sight that could take anyone's breath away. 

You stare at him from a distance, unable to keep your eyes off of the man for some mysterious reasons. However, you compose yourself before it's too late and look around for Sua. 

She's on the seesaw. She has her signature pigtails with adorable pink bows matching her pink dress perfectly. But the best thing is, she's smiling widely, which makes her look so damn cute. This father-daughter duo could kill people with their looks alone. 

You start walking towards Mr. Jung but Sua sees you before him. Her expressions turn somber as she registers you walking towards her dad. 

"Mr. Jung." You breathe out, standing beside the bench.

"Y/N." He stands up and greets you with the most beautiful smile you have ever had the opportunity to witness. And suddenly you find it hard to breathe.  

"I thought you agreed to call me by my name, which is Hoseok, in case you don't remember." He teases you with a playful grin.

Your cheeks hit up with embarrassment "Ah, yeah. I'm sorry. I tend to be forgetful. But I didn't forget your name, Hoseok." 

"That's good. I would have been seriously offended if you did." He teases you again, gesturing you to sit beside him.

“How is her mood today?” you question, sitting down beside him while keeping a respectable distance between your bodies. 

“Gloomy as always. But she brightened up as soon as I told her we were going to grab some ice-cream here in the park.” Hoseok replies, staring at Sua. 

“Did you see her face turning grey again as I walked in?”  You continue staring at Sua as she climbs off the seesaw and starts walking towards the bench.

“Umm.. yeah. She is usually very friendly but then again she is not quite herself these days.” Hoseok sighs. 

“Hmm noted.” you mumble. 

“Hey my little girl.” Hoseok coos as Sua runs into his embrace. She pulls his collar with her little hands lowering him down to her level to whisper something in his ear. 

“What is she doing here?” you hear her say. It’s impossible to resist your laugh at this cutely angry baby who is very displeased at your presence. 

“Sua. Where are your manners?” Hoseok scolds her. 

“Hey. it’s alright.” you stop him, without realizing that you have reached for his arm in the process and placed your right hand there. 

Hoseok’s eyes shift towards your hold and you remove your hand as swiftly as possible, mumbling a quick apology.   

“I didn’t mind a bit.” Hoseok whispers. There is an undertone in his voice and again you don’t know what it is. 

You have never been as clueless as you are about Hoseok.

Reading people has always been one of your greatest abilities, even far before you got into psychotherapy. Understanding what’s going inside someone’s head is nothing too hard for you. But with Hoseok it’s different. You feel exposed under his dark gaze when you should be the one to make him feel intimidated with you.  

The way he looks at you, makes you feel like he knows exactly how troubled you are, how lonely you feel and how broken you have become. 

Realizing you have been lost in Hoseok’s eyes for far too long, you avert your gaze to Sua. 

“Hey Sua. Annyeong.” you give her a big smile but she remains unfazed. 

“Annoyeng.” her small voices is sounds whiny. 

You sigh. She is harder to approach than you assumed. 

“You know my friends just ditched me. They went shopping without telling me that they had changed their plans. I was feeling so down, so I called daddy and asked him if I could see you.” you can feel Hoseok’s eyes still trained on your profile. 

“Really? Your friends went without you?” from her voice you know she relates. And that is the main reason why you chose this lie. 

“Yup. But it’s alright if you don’t want me to be here. I will-” You start standing up faking to leave the park. 

Sua cuts you off, “No. You can be here.” 

Great. That’s what you wanted all along, “Really? I can?” 

She nods. 

Your eyes divert to Hoseok again, who is staring at you with amusement in his eyes. 

“Then do you want to go swinging with me?” You ask the little girl pointing towards the pair of swings a little far away. 

She looks at Hoseok for permission and when he gives her an affirmative sign, she mumbles a little yes. So you extend your hand towards her, hold her and walk her towards the swing. 

“You know, I used to be so afraid of swings when I was little.” you are staring at the ground but you can feel Sua’s eyes at you. 

“Why?” she asks. You feel a sense of accomplishment as she is finally interacting with you. 

“One of my classmates pushed me so hard that I flew off the swing and ended up hurting both of my knees.” You laugh a little, “I didn’t go near swings for a long time after that.”

“And now? You are not afraid of swings anymore?” She stops her swing rendering it out of motion. Her full concentration is on you. 

“No. I grew up so tall. See.” You show yourself off by expanding your legs.

“So.. when I grow up tall I won’t be afraid of Jaemin anymore?” she looks up at you, her expression is filled with fear. You know you need to be more careful from here. 

“Umm.. that depends on why you are afraid of Jaemin. Is he… your classmate?” you speak softly. 

Sua diverts her attention to her shoes, kicking dirt and avoiding looking into your eyes. She stays silent for a moment and you don’t push her to talk. 

“Yes. He- he is a bad boy.” her soft voice quivers. 

Another case of school bullying. Most of the teenagers you counsel are either a victim of school bullying or an unhealthy domestic atmosphere. But this is the first time you are counseling a kid so small troubled with bullying. Usually kids of Sua’s age are more likely to tease each other over small things but bullying is a complex concept. Hence, counselling Sua may not be an easy task. 

“Does he annoy you a lot?” you place carefully enough so that you don’t trigger her unintentionally. 

“Yes.” her eyes are still trained on her shoes. 

Nodding to yourself, you decide not to push the conversation any further. Sua already looks down enough and you don’t want to ruin her Friday afternoon any more.  

“Sua, what do you like more, chocolate or vanilla? I like chocolate more.”  You say, trying to brighten up her mood. 

Her expression changes within a heartbeat, “Me too. Me too. I like chocolate a lot.”    

“Then should we have some ice-cream?”  you extend your hand towards her. 

This time Sua doesn’t wait for her father’s confirmation, she grabs your hand as you two hop off the swings and walk towards Hoseok, who is currently busy on the phone. 

He smiles up at both of you as he speaks into his phone, “No. not tonight. I am busy. I’ll call you later.” and he cuts the call. 

That sounded pretty much like the cancellation of a booty-call but whatever it is, it’s not your business. 

“Hey you girls. Did you guys have fun?” he asks, taking Sua into his embrace again. 

“Yes. We did. Right sua?” you giggle. 

Sua nods giggling back. 

“But daddy, you promised to buy me ice-cream, why haven’t you bought it yet?”  she pouts adorably and you giggle again. 

“Pabo! It would have melted.” Hoseok laughs at her daughter. 

“Oh. That’s right.” Sua exclaims, wondering hard. Even before you know it, you are laughing out loud. A fit of laughter escapes your throat at the cuteness of this father-daughters duo. The frequency of your laughter increases when two of them join you. Suddenly you realize it’s been an embarrassingly long time since you have laughed this loud, this freely, this genuinely. Suddenly, you feel good, you feel free. 

“Do you think there’s something to be seriously worried about?” Hoseok asks, walking you towards your car. Sua fell asleep right after having a bowl full of ice-cream. Hoseok tugged her into a blanket and put her into the car seat before walking you to yours. 

“It will be too early for me to say anything but I will get there soon. She is a kid after all, I can’t rush with her. I can’t dig into her fears unless she is comfortable enough. That will do more harm.” You come to stand in front of your car. 

Hoseok nods. 

“Yes. You’re right.” he murmurs. 

You swear to all the gods above there, they really took time to craft this man. His sharp jawline is a perfect contrast to his soft features. His dark brown eyes glint under the setting sun. And in this dimming light, he looks like a dream. 

And maybe you are dreaming because there is no way he is stepping close to you now, raising his hand, bringing it closer to your face and touching you. But then his fingers brushes on the skin of your neck, gently picking something off from it. You feel goosebumps all across your skin and at the same time your face feels like it’s on fire, bazing red and hot. 

Fuck. You are deprived of touches for so long. 

“Loose thread.” Hoseok whispers. 

“O-oh. Thanks. This top keeps losing threads.” an useless TMI. 

“It does the job though. You look really pretty.” he whispers again and with that heart-breakingly beautiful smile of his. 

That’s it. You need to run away as soon as possible. 

“Ah, thanks. You are kind. Bye. See you next Friday.” you bow a little. 

He takes a step back without dimming his smile, “Bye. I will be waiting. Drive safe, Y/N.”

You finally find your breath when he turns his back and walks away from you. This is unexplainable, this is not ethically right, you should be heartbroken, and you should stay miles away from stupid feelings but you just can’t stop admiring Hoseok. Currently you are more confused and clueless than you have ever been. And you absolutely don’t know what to do with it.  

Taglist:-

@phenomenalgirl9 @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @soraviie @sukunabitch @chimchimmarie @coffeedepressionsoup @meowstake @vonvi-blog @nochuel @xjoonchildx @justmewondering-recs @cuteipat @miakey98 @purpleanchorcrown @chimmisbae @ane102 @junniesoleilkth @terjeonbebas @kookssecret @appleh4ad @kayleeshinee @whoa-jo @definetlythinkimanalien @lovelgirl22 @agrika

[secretagentsloveblogs]

all i do is think about my honey oc 25/8 so have some aimless rambling about my favorite OC listener: Mara, aka Honey!

IMPORTANT: I will not apologize for having flawed characters. Mara is a purposefully flawed character who has made mistakes and will continue to do so. Firstly, for the purposes of the disclaimer: just because I write my character this way doesn't mean I condone or support their behavior. Secondly, it's a fictional setting, with fictional people. None of the events actually happened, it's just supposed to make you go "oooo. hmm. 🤔" and "ahhh. i see. 😲"

cw: [mentions of transphobia][cheating][cancer mention][chronic illness]

Mara is a 28 year old trans woman from Missouri. Her familial relationships are strained since coming out, but she keeps up with her mom, Heather, and brother, Zachary. She's still waiting to hear back from Richard, her father.

She's an astronomer, and she met Guy during a group project meetup when they ordered Max's Rustic Pizza delivery. She paid for the pizza and tipped the Pizza GuyTM $9.03, because this nerd wanted to remember the day she met her future lover. (They met 9/03/20 - #fanon) Oh, she also wrote her number on the back of the receipt, with her name signed with two stars for A's).

Speaking of stars, she has covered every room and place she's ever lived in with glow in the dark stars. It doesn't matter that she's an adult now, she will forever be the little astronaut with her head in the clouds.

Though her love of stars may be extraordinary, she also loves to collect animal bones. If Mara wasn't an astronomer, she would probably be a taxidermist.

In 2018, Mara was diagnosed with HIV. *this is crucial to her backstory and requires a deep dive*

One of her coworkers, Pamela, gifted her a 14 year old plant, a monstera albo, who's been named Big Boss. She 'inherited' the plant when Pamela was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer.

If Mara hadn't transitioned, she is convinced she would have been recruited into the US military. (smth internalized transphobia and being recruited to feel needed in an unwelcoming society)

Tucked deep in the back of Mara's closet exists a closed storage bin, and inside it are the barbies, bratz dolls, littlest pet shops, and all the other small girls' toys she had stolen as a child. She wants to donate them to another little girl like her one day, but is still trying to process the love and guilt she has for the toys she had to take in order to experience 'girlhood.'

Based on Guy's first audio on the channel, Mara calls Guy 'stupid boy', but it's in a lighthearted, affectionate way. (it's fine because he's HER stupidest boy<3)

She created an art piece that reads "dream big, eat well, & fuck loud" and its one of her favorite pieces ever.

Mara doesn't let anyone but herself or Guy cut her hair. this is an autism related thing AND a trans related thing. don't look at me like that, go ask her about it.

Her and Guy get stoned on the weekends and play dress to impress. i will not elaborate how that goes. (jk i will, one day)

Mara is close friends with Geordi, and they helped each other both at the height of their relationship issues. She listened to Geordi talk extensively about his privacy issues (which is ironic all things considered but anyways) with Cutie, and he served as a listener/yapper when she opened up to him about-

Oops! This level of knowledge is locked. The information behind this door requires The Key of Interest to enter. [translation: i need to finish writing the extensive lore for these characters but i also need people to understand nuance and flawed characters before i share the backstory].

[mxlti-stxn173]

BOYFRIEND PARK GUNWOOK

He would be the most amazing bf ever. Gunwook would have a good balance between protective bf and soft bf.

If you two were in public he’d unconsciously stand a bit behind you. He’s rather put his hand on your waist or back than holding hands. Kinda like he was making sure nothing’s behind you or now one is behind you, as if he’s your bodyguard.

His No# 1 love language is act of service.

Even though Gunwook is protective out of nature he knows the line. He wouldn’t be that guy who would scare off people as if you were incapable of handling anything, almost like an alpha male 🐺.

He’d care so much abt his s/o.

Like imagine:

In the midst of a shopping spree, Gunwook and you scanned through clothing racks side by side. As you browsed, Gunwook sensed an unsettling presence nearby. Glancing discreetly over his shoulder, he caught sight of someone shamelessly leering at you, particularly in your lower regions

Once the guy finally moved away, Gunwook refocused his attention on you, placing his left hand gently on your waist, reassuring you of his presence. Oblivious to the previous encounter, you looked back at him, and as your eyes met, his initial stern gaze softened into a tender expression.

"Wook, do you think this looks good?" you asked, seeking his opinion. A soft smile graced his lips as he replied, "Hmm, it looks good, but I like this better."

Later that day, Gunwook decided to confide in you about the unsettling situation. He believed in honesty and transparency in your relationship, and he didn't want to keep anything from you.

🤍🤍

Gunwook definitely would tease you a lot.

He’d want his partner to also be his best friend.

This man can go from 😏 come here bbg 😘 to 🙂please let me lay on you even though I might squish you🥺

This man would give you butterflies left and right 😵‍💫 he’d have no shame skin ship or saying complements.

He would listen to every little thigh you say. He’d also remember or try to remember every little bit about you.

Gunwook has very expressive eyes. All of his emotions can be in his eyes. At first it could be a bit intimidating. But it just shows how much he cares.

He would be the dream high school boyfriend. He’s smart, tall, cares a lot about people, sporty, fine😮‍💨 everything. (I still can believe he’s real)

He doesn’t get jealous if you were with his members at all. If anything he’d want you to be good friends with them.

As said before he care SO much about his s/o. He wouldn’t think anything is ‘disgusting’ like periods, being sick, having one of those bad day faces. Like nothing would make him disgusted. He would take so much responsibility over you at times.

But he also would want a relationship where he can be freely vulnerable and soft (or sub? I couldn’t think of any other word)

On some days Gunwook would come home from work and just flip right on top of you before getting into bed. No matter how big he is, he put his head on your shoulder and his hand on your waist while entwining your legs together.

A big softy

He want his relationship to be kinda mature .eg. becoming comfortable enough with each other where skinship isn’t a big deal. Where kissing is normal and not sexualised (idk how to explain it).

Gunwook would LOVE hugs. He just loves how small you are in his arms. Just imagine his hands being the size of your back. Almost as if he was a blanket.

He’d do anything for you. If you say you want kisses, he’ll give you 100 more. If you say you want to play mermaids, he’ll be your merman. If you say he’s a teddy bear, he’ll be a teddy bear and let of cuddle him. Ofc he love anything you say.

He’d love kissing you. He would OFC ask for consent. Then after a while for both of you it just became a habit of kissing each other multiple times a day (389 to be exact,jk)

Gunwook would cup your face in his hand holding your cheek while softly stroking it. His eyes would show so much love. He’d pour his whole heart while kissing you. Once he pulls away he kisses you forehead and rests his head on top of yours while hugging you.

I need gunwook 🥲

[chevelleneech]

Was going to watch The Amp Theory’s reaction to the Are You Sure? trailer, and had to click away.

I’m not going to complain about whatever they said about not shipping, because I don’t know what they said and that is not a problem for me. Shipping is fun and doesn’t really mean much if you’re someone sane, but I don’t like their comment section being filled with people praising them for “shutting shippers down”.

It tells me they chose not to entertain the thought, and that’s fine too, but this fandom overall is full of hypocrites and liars. People who pretend to agree that all shipping is bad, yet will secretly ship their faves or believe every heterosexual dating rumor that pops up. That’s what I dislike.

I dislike reactors who cater to that crowd, because it’s disingenuous. Not saying the guys over at Amp Theory ship in secret or anything, as they have a ton of kpop content on their channel and likely have zero time to care. But, if their comment section is anything to go off of, their views likely align with the idea that Jimin and JK aren’t dating simply because. No real reason, because reactors who claim to be against shipping (in this fandom specifically) only do so for as far as heteronormativity exists.

Not enough people in this fandom are willing to use gender neutral pronouns when talking about the group’s gender neutral lyrics. Not enough people in this fandom use he/him pronouns when talking about lyrics written by the members themselves that insinuate they have been in relationships with men. Not enough people in this fandom are even willing to acknowledge things said in interviews that insinuate the members have already been through their coming out stages in their personal lives. So why is it that inner band shipping is so often made out to be a joke or something a reactor refuses to engage with, when they do it already? They already believe all seven members like women, so what’s stopping them from thinking they like men too?

Again, I don’t know what was said, and I’m not complaining about them choosing to make it known they won’t tolerate ship discussions. But I always think of it like this, if shipping is disgusting to you or something you will never talk about, what would you do if the members being shipped actually turn out to be queer? Or in a relationship with one another?

It is obviously a hypothetical, because we’ll likely never know if any of them are queer outside of our assumptions. Based on many things, yes, but still there is no confirmation technically… kind of.

Point is, no one has to react to ship content. No one has to talk about ships if they don’t want to, but imagine spending years curating a BTS centric channel, and not once thinking about who they might be outside of their public images.

Imagine claiming to be a fan who supports them no matter what, yet the second you react to a video where two members who are often the target of hateful rhetoric are hanging out and having fun, and the entire aspect of their dynamic is almost completely rooted in their bond being much more couple-like than any of their friends, yet you choose to say, “We won’t entertain ship talk, because it’s not real no matter what.” (Again, not what the guys of Amp Theory said, I’m referring to reactors as a whole, because they aren’t the only ones.)

Reactors want attention, it’s how they make their money, I get it, but the members are in fact real people. They will not always match up to our expectations of them. Meaning, maybe they aren’t queer and we’re all just misunderstanding things. I doubt that though, and it truly irks me to my core that people will entertain just about anything except queerness. They will react to damn near whatever video is available to them that allows them to milk BTS for views, and Army will eat that shit right on up, making these channels huge, but the second any of them ask about or choose to watch Jikook content specifically, they have to either disclaim not believing JM and JK could have feelings for each other, or they ignore it entirely.

Then if Jikook antis are loud enough, they apologize and react to every other pairing a million times and Jikook never again. Because Jikookers are often painted as the worst within the fandom, because this fandom has a hard-on for Tkk. Which I would argue is because they’re not as questionable in their actions, so the reactors themselves don’t end up feeling any type of way, and they get to benefit off of the views.

Anyway. I was hoping to see more reactions to the trailer and I wish I hadn’t read their comments first, but I did so it is what it is.

[nochukoo97]

beach vacation 🏝️

Pairing: Jungkook x OC

Summary: Enemies to Lovers, Jk and Oc’s relationship is kept a secret, Jk being so lovey dovey 😭 Oc is extremely cautious about spending time with her bf 😝

Word count: 900+

You and Jungkook had a complicated relationship… Let’s just say the two of you started off with pure hatred for one another, and after one night your biggest enemy had suddenly earned the title of your boyfriend. You both agreed not to tell your friends about your relationship, and kept the act of hating each other up in front of them. An example would be the trip you were currently on with your friends and Jungkook’s friends, and you were extremely cautious of you hanging out with Jungkook.

However, on the other hand, your boyfriend seemed to not care.

“Babe, it’s fine, relax,” He groans as you try to wriggle out from his hold. “They’re not here, plus, can I not even hold my girlfriend?” Jungkook whines as you manage to sneak out of his hold.

Suddenly, you start screaming at him, “GET AWAY! I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU AND YOUR STUPID FACE!” Jungkook was taken aback, hurt even, thinking that that had been your reaction towards him. But your boyfriend finally understood as he heard Taehyung and Hoseok’s voices approaching where you guys were at.

“Tsk, fighting again? Come on! Just enjoy this time we have here,” Hoseok says as he drags Jungkook towards the open living area, and the two of them sit down on the coaches.

“The day you guys stop arguing, will be the day we all celebrate,” Taehyung sighs as he kicks his feet in the sand. You try to show your annoyance, “Whatever, he’s so annoying, can’t stand him,” you mumble. “Alright, I just came out to get some fresh air, gonna go back and shower and I think dinner should be ready in an hour, see you!” Taehyung says before running back to his room. You shout a “bye” back to him as you watch him run into the room.

You begin to walk up towards the living area and noticed Hoseok had also gone back to his room. You spot your boyfriend using his phone and laying on the coach, so you check your surroundings to see if anyone was there, and begin to walk towards him.

Sitting on his lap, Jungkook smiles at you and puts away his phone to the side. “Daring now, aren’t we?” He smirks, “Wonder who was the one who was bugging me not to hug you when there was obviously no one,” You roll your eyes at his statement. Sometimes no matter how cautious you are, you miss your boyfriend’s touch and on the inside, absolutely hate that you had to be so private and careful of your interactions with your boyfriend.

“You still want your kiss or?” You say before slowly climbing out of his lap. Jungkook widens his eyes at your ministrations and pushes your waist back so that you are now back on his lap. He leans in and kisses you slowly as you grab his shirt, pulling him closer. Breaking the kiss, he sighs in relief. “You know how long I’ve been waiting to do that? I hate that we have to keep this a secret.” Jungkook sulks as you pat his hair, cooing at him.

“At least now I can kiss you for as long as I want,” You say as you begin to wrap your arms around the back of his neck. Your lips connect and you get lost in the kiss. Jungkook's hands wander around your waist and back, as he squeezes your waist. You gasp, and Jungkook takes this opportunity to slot his tongue into your mouth, as your eyes widen at his bold move.

You melt into the kiss still, so desperate after not being able to spend time with him since two days ago. Everyone had been all around each other and even at night, the girls and boys slept in different rooms, due to preference.

You both were solely focused on each other, practically eating each other’s faces out, when suddenly you hear a loud gasp from multiple voices.

“Oh. My. God. What am I seeing right here?” Your best friend, Jennie, says as her mouth gapes in shock. You frantically push Jungkook away and all he does is smirk. “Why are you looking like that right now!” You scold him as you notice his reaction. “Guys, I can explain I-” you start, before Jennie interrupts, “No it’s okay, please carry on, I think we all like you both better like this” she chuckles as the rest of them shake their heads and whisper comments to themselves. They begin to walk away and Jimin calls out while walking, “Remember to come for dinner!” Jungkook yells an ‘okay’ in response as you just sit there dumbfounded by what had just happened.

“Jeon Jungkook.” You glare at your boyfriend who was laughing at how red your face has become. “Baby, it’s fine! See? They were okay!” He tries to reason with you, but you don’t take it. “You just sat there with a stupid smirk on your face and didn’t even help me!” You start to scold him back, but Jungkook just shushes you and pulls you in for another kiss.

This time you aren’t afraid of someone catching you two anymore. In fact, on the inside you are much happier that you could now spend time with your boyfriend normally.

[lapsthings]

BLLK MATCHUP EXCHANGE WITH @thecurrator

For romance, I pair you with...

🏯IGAGURI GURIMU🏯

Buddha be praised

After careful consideration, I have come to a conclusion that our favorite monk is your best suited match

I know what you might be thinking right now, but please hear me out

After reading your info, I immediately knew that Igaguri is your one and only <3

Contrary to most people's opinions, Igaguri can be a great partner, and with everything I've gathered after reading your information, I can confidently say that he is most compatible with you

After all, it's rare to find such a character in medias such as blue lock

A rarity - that's what he is

Although with the help of plot armor and favoritism, he still managed to make it this far. That's an impressive feat

Look at the picture I chose for him, massive aura right there

Namusan!

Nah jk I'm not pairing you up with this pig

Your actual pair is....

⚽RIN ITOSHI ⚽

Not gonna lie, he was the first and only character that came to mind when going through your info

Sae popped up later, but no one cares about him

“I love to talk to certain people about things I find interesting, like my fixations or a fun hypothetical situation” - He finds your hypothetical situations intriguing, he thinks through it seriously before sharing his opinion

Soon enough, you’ll find him dropping his own hypothetical situations onto you, but it only happens on occasion

Feel free to infodump him, he’s a good listener, will give small comments from time to time to show that he’s paying attention

“I daydream a lot and tend to space out” - Rin doesn’t show it because he’s a nonchalant king, but he finds that aspect about you cute, and will lightly poke your forehead to get your attention

Rin will be there for you if you ever need someone to confide in, he’s not really good at comforting, but he tries anyway

Rin is a blunt guy, he doesn’t sugar-coat anything, but that’s how he shows that he cares

I imagine him saying that it’s a waste of time to dwell on such trivial matters when you could be improving yourself to prove them wrong. Who cares about what others do or say? They’re just idiots who pick on others only to satisfy their need for superiority. How lukewarm.

“Not easily influenced by the norm and by extension social media” - He appreciates your dislike towards conformity, it’s something you both have in common. He too, is someone who’s not easily influenced by the normal ‘standards’ set by others

Actually scratch that, he’s not influenced by the norm at all

“Wasn’t going to download Instagram” - Rin barely uses Instagram, he doesn’t see the appeal. It’s only on his phone because it was pre-downloaded

“I play the role of an observer when around my friend group, not going out of my way to help them if they made any mistakes” - Rin also appreciates that you simply chose to watch from the sidelines and not making an effort to help whenever he makes mistakes

He doesn’t need help, he can take care of things just fine

“I think small talk and first conversations to get to know someone is a waste of time” - This is so Rin, he doesn’t get why people act all friendly towards each other during their first meetings. There’s better ways to make a lasting impression than something so insignificant

“My giving love language is acts of service and gift giving” - Again, he may not seem like it, but he really does cherishes the things you do/gift him

Even the littlest things, like handing him a bottle of water after training, or throwing him a towel after every game

He loves anything you give him, even if he has no use for them

He keeps them in a box hidden somewhere inside his room

It makes him feel a bit warm inside knowing you gave things to him while thinking about him

“My receiving love language is words of affirmation and acts of service” - Once more, Rin isn’t so great at expressing himself with words, but attempts to do so

He’ll give you a simple “Good job” continued by a “Keep it up”

That’s the best he could do at the moment, please be patient with him :(

I'll be real honest, if anything, I feel like you need to be the one giving him reassurance 💀😭

Of course, he’ll also do small acts of service

Bro is 186 cm tall, if he sees you struggling to reach something then he will grab whatever you need for him

If you both ever go out shopping, be it buying books or whatnot, he offers to help you carry your things, he’s built for this

“I am a very picky eater” - lol you’re more than welcome to dump whatever you don’t like, he’ll shoot you a look but nothing more

“I don’t like bugs” - Do not fear, Rin is here! He catches them in a cup and release them back to the wilderness

“I like looking at sunrises and sunsets” - You both often go watch the sunset by the ocean, it reminds him of Sae, but instead of revisiting his feelings of sadness and rage, it gets replaced by something else, an unfamiliar feeling that he only feels around you

“Preferred dates: dinner after movie” - Rin particularly enjoys these kinds of dates. It’s fairly simple and doesn’t take a toll out of him. He doesn’t mind or care what kind of movie you are watching, but if you want to maximize his enjoyment you should consider purchasing tickets for a horror film because Rin is a psychopath who watches horror movies to relax

If you get scared don’t hesitate to cling onto him for mental support, he secretly likes it

And he thanks the dim lights to hide his pink-tinted cheeks

Bro’s just touch-starved

He doesn't outright says it, but he finds your habit of getting lost in new places somewhat cute

Just ring him up if you ever get lost, and he’ll be right there to pick you up

He can't exactly blame others for complimenting your looks, he knows you're pretty, but he still gets jealous over it lol

For sibling, your brother will be...

🩷SENDOU SHUTO 🩷

Sendou Shuto our underrated king

I was originally going with Nanase, but I figured Sendou will offer a more fun sibling dynamic

We all know how he likes to brag about himself, flaunting off his achievements whenever he can. I mean, he WAS Japan’s U20 ace

What you don’t know is that he boasts about you whenever you’re not around

“My elder sibling” this “My elder sibling” that

He knows you are good-looking, it runs in the family after all, so he’s not all that surprised when he hears others praising your looks

Though, if someone ever tries to flirt with you…

Oh boy

He gets all judgemental, thinking AND telling that said person is not good enough for you

Especially towards Oliver “why have 5 chicks when you can have 9” Aiku

Lil bro doing his best to keep him at least 5 ft away from you

I can see him suggesting that you audition to become an idol

His reasoning is because you have the looks for it, and since you have a nice handwriting, he thinks that your idol signature will be very cute

Quick someone tell him handwriting ≠ signature

Guess how that conversation went…

But he’ll still pester you about it, given that Sendou can be very stubborn

Sorry to say, but he blabbers about his fantasy of marrying his favourite idol to you

You’d end up spacing out in the middle of his rant and he’ll have to snap you back to reality

“One day, I’ll propose to Ai and....Hey! Are you listening?”

It’s always easy to tell whenever he’s in his own little world daydreaming about his life-long goal, but he’s always surprised when you point it out

“Wha- How did you know? Are you a mind-reader or something?”

It’s also easy to tell when Sendou’s trying to tough things out

He’ll deny it at first, but there’s only so much that he can take. Poor boy ends up seeking you out and cry on your shoulders

He has a very fragile heart :(

Most of the time, Sendou doesn’t want advice, he just wants someone to listen

You can quickly cheer him up by pampering him, even if it’s just a little

Sometimes, he invites you to watch Hollywood movies with him

Points at different actresses throughout the movie and goes “Isn’t she hot?”

Asks you if he’s compatible with his favourite idols or actresses whenever he gets the chance

You’re so done with him :/

At one point, Sendou tried out poetry in an attempt to impress you. Staying up late at night constantly in a cycle of writing and crumbling the paper until he deemed it good enough, which by the way, did not happen

He didn’t clean up properly so you found them anyway and hey…it’s not too bad!

Like you, he’s also afraid of insects; but if one ever flies towards you both, although scared, he’ll be all sacrificial and charging towards the bug headforth to give you time to retreat from it’s premise

He’s more than happy listening to you infodump, he gets genuinely interested too and asks a lot of questions. He’ll flex his new knowledge to his team

Sendou as we all know, is an arrogant guy and doesn’t hesitate to talk back, so arguments between the two of you are bound to happen

He tries to tough it out yet again, but ends up crying in his sleep :(

Sendou will eventually think back and reflect upon himself, and promises to be more mindful of his behaviour

He tones down on bragging about his achievements, and avoids cutting you off when conversing

Sendou often overhears when you get scolded for ‘not being a good enough of an elder sibling’ and will immediately jump in to defend you

He doesn’t know what they’re talking about, he sincerely believes that you are the best sibling he could ever ask for

He’s also more than willing to throw hands to those who hurt you

You can try to stop him, but he still ends up doing it behind your back

He’s the type of guy who says that scars are ‘badge of honours’

Although Sendou may not show it, especially in front of you — he really, wholeheartedly looks up to you and loves you dearly

He is so, so proud to be able to call himself your younger brother

Which is why he’ll continue to work hard and become the best football player out there, not just to achieve his dream of his ideal marriage, but also to become someone YOU can be proud of :)

Extra

Since Sendou doesn’t get along with Sae, he most definitely will not get along with Rin either.

He tries to bite back his tongue and ignore Rin, he really does

But Rin doesn’t, he thinks Sendou is lukewarm

They’ll tame it down when you’re around, but once you leave the room it’ll be a super brawl

Brawl stars, peak game

[jessicaloons]

Chapter 13:

But I come back stronger than a ‘90s trend…

Masterlist - Previous - Next

Charles POV:

I only had one thing on my mind when we came back into our chalet after a long day on the slopes: Hot Tub. I went straight into our room and looked for my swim shorts as Lizzie walked in.

"Someone is eager…" she chuckled and I walked into the en suite bathroom, leaving the door a crack wide open.

"That hot tub isn’t the biggest! And I want to relax a little before it gets too crowded or before I have to get out!" I said and walked back into our room, fluffy towel in hand, swim shorts on.

"Good point! Go ahead and make sure I have a seat… does it have seats?" she said and I laughed.

"I’ll take care, ma belle. Don’t worry. We’ll have enough space!"

We didn’t have enough space. The hot tub was made for 4 people max. and as JK, Joris and Andrea squeezed in, it got way too crowded. I pulled Lizzie against me, to make her sit at least a little more comfortable but somehow she ended up almost in my lap. I swallowed hard as I could feel her thighs pressing against mine. Her back flush with my chest. I tried to focus on breathing but having her this close, pressed to my body, half naked, made me almost dizzy. I felt like a pubescent teenager that couldn’t control his body. After a while Joris and JK began to yawn, Lizzie followed shortly after.

"I think that’s it for today, I’m out! Cheers guys, have a good night!" JK said and Lizzie and Joris got out as well, they wrapped their towels around them and prepared to leave, as Lizzie turned around looking at me.

"You guys go ahead, I’m staying a little longer, good night!" I said and they wished us a good night, then it was only Andrea and me left. He looked at me while I was squirming in my seat, feeling uncomfortable.

"You can go as well, if you want to… I’ll be fine!" I tried to sound nonchalant but failed.

"Charles? Aren’t you getting out because… because you have a… umm- a little situation down there…" Andrea chuckled and I blushed. Hard. "Okay. Then… good night. Sleep tight. Oh god no! I guess it’s already tight. I mean, sleep well!"

"Just go!! Jesus fucking Christ!" I groaned and Andrea laughed the whole way back in. What the actual fuck.

"There you are! I was looking for you! It’s almost midnight!" I said as I finally found Lizzie. Alone. Sitting on the terrace edge.

"I guess I lost a little track of time." she answered, not looking up.

"What’s going on?" I ask and sit down next to her. As I looked at her I saw tears in her eyes. "Hey! What’s going on!"

"Can you believe what happened this year?" she whispered and looked up into the sky.

"Yeah, I can… because for me it was just a matter of time until a team finally acknowledged your potential and offered you a seat…" I answered and she chuckled a little "What?"

"You always had this undying hope in me… I think I never thanked you for that?" she looked at me and I shook my head.

"Because you don’t have to. Did I ever thank you for being… for being my anchor?" I said.

"Your anchor?" she asked curiously, tilting her head, looking adorably confused.

"My anchor. You’re always by my side, no matter what. Even when staying close meant getting hurt in the process, over and over again. You never left. I can rely on you. I can always count on your support. You give me stability, security. But above all, you gave me hope in times when I needed it the most. You’re anchoring me whenever I have the feeling that all of this… this shit drags me away…" I tried to explain it as best as possible, although I knew that words would never be enough to explain to her how much I needed her in my life.

"Well, then I guess you’re my anchor, too." she said and I shook my head.

"No, ma belle. I have to step up a lot to be an anchor for you the way you are for me." I said.

"I don’t think so…" she smiled at me.

Behind us I could hear our family and friends count down and as the clock struck midnight the fireworks were lighting up the sky.

"Happy New Year, ma belle!"

"Happy New Year, Charlie bear!"

I pulled her into my side and kissed her temple.

This was going to be our year.

Lizzie would finally drive in Formula 1.

I would hopefully bring Ferrari back to its old glory.

And most importantly, this year I would make her mine.

"So, uhm, there is something I wanted to talk to you about…" I said and Charles paused the episode of Brooklyn 99 and looked at me.

"Okay? Everything alright?" he asked and sat up straight. I just nodded.

"It’s… well I got the call from Felix… so the FIA were asking about my… about my driver number…" I said and whispered the last words.

"Your driver number? What’s with it?" he seemed confused and I swallowed hard.

"You know, now that Kimi retired, the 7 would be available…" I began and Charles realised what I was on about "And I wondered if it would be okay for you, if I take it?"

"Oh ma belle! Of course it is? For me it was clear as day that you would choose the 7? It’s our number? Always was, always will be!" he laughed and I relaxed a little, sighed relieved "You didn’t have to ask, you know?"

"It’s just… I know how you wanted the 7, but couldn’t have it…" I mumbled and Charles pulled me into his side.

"I would love nothing more than for you to have it, ma belle!" he said and kissed my temple, then started the TV again.

"Now look a bit more intimidating, yes! Perfect!" the Photographer said and I posed for another 15 minutes until he finally was satisfied "I’d say we have a lot of footage to work with! Thanks Lizzie!"

"How do you like the suits?" Felix asked and I smiled at him.

"I absolutely love them!" I say and he smiles.

"So you and Valtteri will decide which one you’re having. He should be here any minute and then you can discuss." and right as Felix finished, the Finnish driver walked up the set.

I was nervous, to say the least. I’ve seen Valtteri before, obviously, but today was our first official meeting as teammates. And there was a lot on our agenda today.

"Valtteri, hi, umm it’s so cool to meet you, like officially! Umm I’m Lizzie, hi!" I ramble a little and stretch my hand out and he takes it smiling.

"Lizzie, good to see you, again." he shook my hand and I smiled, thankful that he was pretending like I wasn’t a nervous mess "So, how do you like the suits? Which one is your favourite?" he takes the sheet Felix hands him, then I’ll take mine.

"I like the second one more, I like the flow of the, let’s call them arrows, down the legs. Looks more active, you know what I mean?" I said and Valtteri nodded "Which one do you prefer?"

"The second one as well. I like the details at the legs, the other one is a bit boring. So yeah, I’ll vote for… AF1/XPERformance…" he said and I smiled.

"Alright you guys, then Valtteri hop on in and then you’ll have some more photo shoots." Felix clapped and walked off to talk to the Photographer.

"So, the flag of Monaco?" Valtteri asked and shook his head in the direction where I just laid the document on the table.

"Yeah, it’s a little tribute." I answered and Valtteri smiled.

"I get that people often think that you guys are a couple." he laughed and I blushed a little.

"It’s not just for Charles, it’s also for his dad. He never had a doubt that I would make it in F1 one day. And since he’s not here anymore. I’ll carry the flag of his beloved home with me, for him and Charles." I said and Valtteri nodded.

"That’s really beautiful." he smiled and I zipped up my suit.

"And we're done. Thank you guys!" George, our Photographer said and clicked through the pictures "Yeah we have more than enough. Good job everyone!"

"Alright, sit down, have a drink, Julie should be here any minute now." Felix said and Valtteri poured himself a coffee and gestured into my way and I just shook my head.

"Who’s Julie?" I ask as a young woman walks up behind Felix.

"That’s me. Hi. I’m Julie Mahle. PR-Manager, Content creator and your personal PR-Assistant at race weekends. Nice to meet you, Lizzie!" she says and she shakes my hand, then she walks to Valtteri and does the same "The next days we will film 2 Audi challenges, that’s little completions between you guys that we upload on our channels to entertain our fans in between races. We will have 10 over the course of the whole season. Tomorrow, after the big car launch, we will also have an Instagram live Q&A with you guys."

Valtteri and I nodded and looked at the plan Julie gave us. The Audi challenges seem to be funny and I was already excited to film them. Tomorrow we would start with a ‘What’s in the Box' segment and I laughed, thinking back to my PREMA times when Charles almost lost it when he touched something that felt like a real snake but was in fact only a rubber one.

"Sounds fun!" I said and Julie smiled "I’m sorry Valtteri, but I’m going to crush you…"

"Oh wow! We’re starting the competition early on, I see!" he chuckled and nudged my shoulder.

"I had a long time with nothing to compete in… so now I’m overcompensating I guess!" I laughed and he nodded.

"May the better driver win!" he said.

"Don’t, worry, I’ll plan to!" I smirked at him and he laughed.

"I’m nervous! Like really, really nervous Charlie! I think I will throw up!" I murmured and Charles only chuckled.

"It’s going to be fine, you’ll see! You go out on stage! You wave a little, answer some questions, say something about the car, they will take pictures and then it’s done!" he encouraged me and I nodded.

"I didn’t think the car launch would be this stressful already!" I whined "I bet my ass that there are at least 15 journalists who hate me and can’t wait to ask me questions to destroy me…"

"Just smile that gorgeous smile of yours and they will love you anyway!" Charles said and I smiled at him.

"Lizzie? Are you ready?" Julie walked up to me, Valtteri in tow.

"I have to leave, I’ll call you tonight?" I said to Charles and he nodded.

"Have fun, ma belle!" he said and ended the call.

"And now Ladies and Gentlemen, may I introduce you to our two drivers: Lizzie Doetterer and Valtteri Bottas!" Felix said and with one last deep breath I entered the stage, followed by Valtteri. I waved to the crowd, smiling as best as I could without looking too tense. The applause died down as I stood next to Felix.

"When we decided to make our move into F1 way earlier than planned, we had a close eye on the drivers that would be available for our line-up. One thing was for sure for all of us: we wanted an experienced driver, someone with enough confidence and knowledge to give us valuable feedback, someone who would step up and guide our next driver, because we also knew we wanted someone young, talented, hungry, fast and determined. We started this process in early 2020 and we had our eyes immediately on Lizzie, her talent, determination, race craft, skills, enthusiasm but above all her fighter mentality were for us the main factor to put her really far up on our list. And when we heard that Valtteri would be available? We knew that he was the right driver for us. His race craft, awareness, dedication and experience was exactly what we wanted." Felix explained their choices for choosing us as driver line-up and Valtteri smiled at me, I just chuckled and bumped slightly into his shoulder.

"We spent the last year developing our car with the input and feedback from Lizzie, who was not only test driving our car on several tracks, no, she spent over 250 hours in our simulator, working meticulously on every fine tuning there was. And after the final input from Valtteri, we are now more than confident in our car and it is safe to say that we want to race for wins! And I think with the work and effort everyone at the factory put in, the feedback of our two drivers, it is possible to do so!" Felix said and I felt myself blush a little when the crowd, including Felix and Valtteri, clapped after he mentioned the endless hours of simulator work.

"We, the Audi Sports Formula 1 Team with our drivers Lizzie Doetterer, driver number 7 and Valtteri Bottas, driver number 77, are proud to present to you the Audi ARS-22." together with Valtteri I pulled the veil off of the car and the crowd started to clap and cameras were flashing. We posed together next to the car and I felt how my tense smile slowly turned into a relaxed one. I looked at the car, my car, the 7 shining bright on the bonnet, and I felt a sense of pride, excitement and happiness surge through my body. This was really happening.

"Toiletry bag. Check. Jeans. Check. Hoodies. Check. Shirts. Check. Sweatpants. Check. Underwear. Check. Socks… Socks? Check. Jacket. Check. Leggings. Check. Scarf. Check. Beanie. Check. MacBook Charger… Charger? Where the fuck…?" I was packing my suitcase when the door behind me opened up.

"You’re not allowed to say fuck!" Liam shouted and I turned around, looking at him.

"Well… yes I can! I’m a grown up! I am allowed to say these kinda words!" I chuckled and he walked in and plopped down on my bed. Hands in his hoodie pocket.

"That’s unfair!" he said and I shook my head.

"Nope it’s not! Can you help me? I’m looking for my charger?" I asked him and he smiled sheepishly, pulling out my charger out of his pocket "You little charger thief!"

"I’m not! It was downstairs and Oma said to bring it to you!" he said, outraged.

"Oh! I beg your pardon, Bubba! Thank you for bringing it to me!" I kissed his cheek and packed the charger into my suitcase. Next I packed my MacBook, camera, headphones, wallet and passport into my backpack. I checked one last time my suitcase, then I closed it up and put it down on the floor.

"All done?" Liam asked.

"All done!" I answered and sat down next to him.

We watched tv together as Dad looked into my room with a big grin on his face. I sat up excitedly.

"You got it!" I exclaimed and he nodded.

"Yup, it’s here." he said and I jumped up, Liam looking confused, I scooped him up and threw him over my shoulder "Come on Bubba! Let’s go!"

"Where are we going? Who’s here?" he laughed as he was swinging on my shoulder when I walked down the stairs. I sat him down on the floor, on the table a cardboard box.

"How does it look?" I asked and Dad chuckled.

"Well, I like it. It’s really clean looking." he said and I opened up the box with shaking hands.

"Oh! It’s your helmet!" Liam realised and climbed on the table to sit next to the box.

I pulled my helmet out, some styrofoam nuggets falling out in the process.

"It looks like your car!" Liam looked at it with big eyes.

"That was the plan, Bubba. How do you like the design?" I asked him and he tilted his head a little.

"Put it on!" he said and I said "It looks so cool! Like the coolest really!"

"You think so?" I opened the visor and he nodded "Perfect!" I took it off and set it on the table.

"Here, Patrick said you should scan the QR code for the pictures." Dad handed me a little card.

"Perfect. I’ll post it later on." I said and looked at my helmet. I sat it back down on the table, as Dad handed me the helmet bag.

"You’re done with packing?" he asked as he helped me pack the helmet away.

"Yup, ready when you are." I answered and he nodded.

"I’ll get your suitcase and backpack." Dad said and left.

"Alright, Bubba! You promise me to be on your best behaviour while I’m gone?" I said and hugged Liam.

"Promise! And you promise me to try to be back for my birthday party on Saturday?" he whispered and I nodded.

"I’ll try my best, Liam. But just in case I can’t be here in time, that’s why we celebrated yesterday already together, right?" I said and he sighed a little, then he nodded. What he didn’t know was that not only would I be back in time for his party, I would also bring along someone else.

"You’re leaving now?" Sissy asked as she came into the kitchen.

"Yeah." I said and she smiled and hugged me.

"Good luck, Schwesti!" she said and I smiled.

"Thanks, where is Mum?" I said as Mum came from outside.

"I’m here! Don’t worry, I’m not letting you go without saying goodbye!" she walked over, kissed my cheek and hugged me tight "Goodbye, my sweet girl! Good luck! Show them that you earned this seat!"

"I will Mum!" I said and she released me.

One last kiss from Liam and I walked with Dad out in the cold.

"Formula 1 season 2022, here she comes!" Dad said as we got into the car and the driver pulled out of the driveway.

"Mercedes really wasn’t as fast as expected? But with them you never know…" I said as we sat in the back of the car "But George adapted really well, don’t you think?"

"Yeah, but George always has been good, he was just in a team that wasn’t." Charles said and I nodded "But it looked like Lewis was struggling a little? I don’t know if it’s the car or if it’s George… thinking he’s the future to replace him?"

"You think? I mean he’s still Lewis Hamilton. Last season was… it was unfortunate. But still." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Which leaves only Red Bull left… They were fast. Like really fast!" Charles said and I thought about how Checo breezed past me, almost pushing me off track "But they’re beatable."

"Yeah, I think they were sandbagging a lot… that car? That has a lot more potential to unlock!" I said and he looked out the window for a moment.

"I think they definitely weren’t showing their full speed… but who really has?" he said and I thought for a moment, it was normal to not show the full performance of the engine to not show the competitors everything, but still, it was interesting to see how fast, or slow in some cases, the cars were considering the circumstances.

"You were also pretty fast…" I began and Dad in the passenger seat chuckled.

"You too! I mean you were flying! If that is not everything you got? Phewww you’re real competition!" Charles said and I looked at him "What?"

"Were you doubting it? You sound so surprised?" I asked and he shook his head immediately.

"No! I swear! I wasn’t! I was- umm I was just so happy to see you beating some of the guys!" he said fast.

"Relax, I’m just messing with you." I laughed and he pinched my side "You should’ve seen the look on your face!"

"Payback’s a bitch as you know!" he said and the car stopped. "So, ready to surprise our little Bubba?" he jumped out of the car and Dad and I followed him quickly.

We quietly walked in, Mum saw us and smiled, Liam stood with his back to us, watching as one of his friends explained something to him. Charles and I approached him and both leaned down at each of his sides.

"Booooohhh!" Charles and I shouted and Liam flinched.

"Charlie! Lizzie!" he smiled and hugged first Charles and then me "You both made it!"

"Do you really think we would miss out on your 4th birthday, Bubba?" Charles asked and Liam shook his head and beamed at him.

"I’m just here for the cake." I said and shrugged my shoulders, both boys exchanging one look and then wrestling me down on the mat, tickling my sides "Okay, okay! I’m not just here for the cake! Stop it now! I will retreat!" Charles pulled me with him up and Liam hugged my leg.

"Are you getting on the trampoline with us?" he asked us and we both nodded.

"Are you kidding? Of course!" Charles scooped him up on his back and gave him a piggyback ride to the entry, I followed close behind "Alright, ladies first!"

"Oh thank you, kind Sir!" I chuckled and took my shoes off and walked up the stairs.

"This is the best birthday ever!" Liam said and I smiled at him.

"Let’s go and hunt her down!" Charles said and both lunged at me.

"You made his day!" Mum said as I sat down, downing a bottle of water "He was hoping you would come, but now that Charles is here?"

"I’m forgotten… I know." I joked and she laughed "I definitely need to talk to JK. Phewww I’m out of breath! While Charles is still jumping around like there is no tomorrow!"

"You need your…" Mum began but I already inhaled once, putting my inhalator back in my bag "How was the driving? Is it working with your lungs and your back? Be honest!"

"It was good. Little exhausting, but that’s normal. Really Mum, no need to worry!" I answered and she nodded.

"Dr. Lindner called, he wanted to check in if your appointment on Monday is set." she said and I nodded.

"Yeah, I had his call on my phone but I just never had a quiet minute to call him back, did you say yes? Perfect, thanks Mum." I smiled at her as Charles plopped down next to me. I handed him a bottle of water and he smiled thankful.

"These kids? Wow… driving twice through Singapore isn’t that exhausting!" he chuckled and Mum patted his arm in sympathy.

"It’s anyways about time for the cake!" she got up and together with Sissy they called for the kids to come up to the table in 15 minutes.

We gathered around the table, Liam stood on a chair in front of his cake, and sang him a happy Birthday. He was the happiest I’ve seen him in a long time and I knew it was because Charles was here. Whenever he was here, Liam was the happiest. Me being his favourite was a long time ago.

The pre-season tests in Bahrain were over and the first race week of the 2022 Formula 1 Championship began 2 days ago.

"Did you expect something else?" JK asked as I drank something.

"I mean Red Bull? 100%! But Ferrari? They were so quick? Mercedes has nothing against them!" I said and he nodded "It’s going to be interesting, that’s for sure!"

"Most definitely! And now down again!" he took my bottle and pushed me flat on the bench "We’re not done for today!"

"I slightly regret asking you to be my performance coach… I forgot how much joy it brings you to torture me." I mumbled and JK laughed.

"No pain, no gain." he said and I groaned.

"Can we join in?" Charles said from somewhere behind me.

"Yeah sure, how you doing mate!" JK greeted Charles and then Andrea behind him "Liz maybe stops complaining now that we’re not alone anymore." he joked.

"I want to flip you off so bad…" I said and he laughed even more.

"Come on, princess. 3, 2, 1. And down. Wasn’t too hard now, was it?" JK said and I sat up.

"How do you feel?" Charles asked as he sat down on the bench next to me while Andrea adjusted his weights.

"Pretty good to be honest. I feel like now that we had the second tests and the set ups look great I’m ready, you know?" I said and Charles nodded.

"And how are you mentally? Lizzie, I’ve seen what the people are still writing about you, that nasty blog? Whoever is behind it? They downright hate you, for no apparent reason!" he said and I sighed.

"Yeah, people talk shit all the time, I don’t care." I said and grabbed my towel to dry my face. The truth was, I knew exactly who wrote that blog. It was a blog sponsored by ESPN Spain and Marca, one of Spain's biggest sport newspapers. And the writer said he met me once during my time in the WSeries at the race in Assen where I didn’t impress him at all and was apparently arrogant towards the writer when he met me. Counting one and one together it could only be Salva Diaz.

"That’s good, that you don’t let it get to your head." Charles said and began with his work out.

"Liz?" JK looked at me and I got up, he put the resistance bands around my head and I tried to focus on his pull instead of the blog. I couldn’t do anything about it, without telling what happened that day, so I would just ignore it. "Ready? Alright." JK pulled at the band and I tended my neck muscles to withstand the pull of JK "Hold it, hold it… okay 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Relax. Deep breaths… Ready? Go." after 9 reps JK handed me my bottle "How does it feel? Neck and back?"

"Tense? No, it’s fine, really." I said and he nodded.

"Front squats now." he said and prepared the weights "60?"

"70." I said and put my bottle down and prepared.

"10 reps. Let’s go." I focused on the weights, doing squat after squat.

"3, 2, 1. Down. Good job." JK patted my back and I gasped for air a little "Maybe a bit too heavy?"

"No. It was good! Come on! Let’s go!" I said and waited for JK.

"Hip thrusters next." he waved over to the bench and I got down on the floor "Make sure that you use your thighs more than your calves, you push up from your lower leg… yes, that’s better…"

"It’s not heavy enough, I can take more… make it 110."

"Okay. But if it’s too much…" JK put the weight on and I began again "… and 3, 2, 1. Down. Well done. Take a little break."

I sat on the bench, drinking my water as Charles sat down next to me.

"That’s a pretty tough routine? Don’t look at me like that! It’s more like, damn I don’t do 10 reps of front squats, kettlebell swings, hip thrusters, sumo deadlifts, military press, back extensions and crunches and that 5 times… plus cardio and neck training. Andrea said he might adjust my workout routine after he has seen what you’re doing!" he said and I laughed.

"I have to work out harder, because I've been out of the car for more than 2 years and didn’t work out like that! It’s just to make me as fit as possible!" I answered and he nodded.

"At least we can train together from now on!" he smiled at me.

"Yeah… that we can." I answered as JK came back.

"Ready for round 4?" he asked and I sighed but nodded.

"It’s like you said, no pain no gain!" and I got up.

"What about some yoga? You guys in?" I asked Charles and Andrea as I ended my last set and drank some water.

"Yoga?" Charles repeated and chuckled a little.

"It’s good for the muscles after an intense work out session. It promotes blood circulation and relieves tension in the muscles." JK explained and Andrea nodded.

"Let’s try something new then!" he said and walked up to us, Charles in tow.

JK stood in front of us, showing us the different poses and I did them easily, this was a part of my daily routine. Charles and Andrea on the other hand struggled a little but after a short while they managed to copy JK‘s poses. As we were done I leaned down, bending over completely and tensed my glutes, wrapping my arms around my ankles and counted down from 20, I always finished like this, one last stretch in my lower back.

"Charles? Hey! Are you listening? Are you good?" Andrea laughed behind me and I got up slowly and looked at them. Charles' cheeks were flushed and he looked a little nervous.

"Umm? Yeah. Fine. Totally fine." Charles said and turned around, walking to the bench where his bag was. I followed him.

"Hey? Are you sure you’re okay?" I asked him and he swallowed hard.

"Uh-huh! Sure, I’m good…" he answered.

"Okay… so later dinner together? I thought about going out. Tomorrow the season officially starts…" I said and Charles nodded.

"Yeah sure! Sounds good!" he answered and I smiled.

"Now I just need a shower…" and with that we left the gym.

"Stop being so nervous! It’s going to be okay!" Charles whispered as we stood in front of the conference room, waiting for us to be called in.

"I don’t know, I have a bad feeling, I can’t really explain why…" I said and Charles sighed.

"I’ll be right next to you! As well as Seb and Pierre! So come on now! Smile that beautiful smile of yours and all will be good!" he said and I nodded a little as the door opened.

"Let’s go…" I whispered and followed Charles in, Seb was the first one on the stage, followed by Charles, then me, Pierre and Lewis. I sat down and took a deep breath. I can do this.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first race of the 2022 Formula 1 season, here in Bahrain. Now a very warm welcome to our first drivers Sebastian Vettel from Aston Martin, Charles Leclerc from Scuderia Ferrari, for the first time ever Lizzie Doetterer for Audi Sports, Pierre Gasly for Alpha Tauri and Sir Lewis Hamilton for Mercedes AMG. Now let’s start with you Lizzie, first woman in F1 since 1976, how did you spend your winter, preparing for your first season in Formula 1?" Tom Clarkson looked at me with an encouraging smile and I calmed myself down.

"With a lot of work out sessions, studies of data and analytics, I also spent a lot of time in the simulator. That’s mainly wha-…" I began and looked for one second into the crowd of journalists as I saw him and my breathing ragged. Sitting in the third row with a devilishly smirk on his lips was Salva Diaz. Charles next to me realised immediately that something was wrong and followed my gaze. I cleared my throat and took a deep breath "Yeah, that’s mainly what I was doing during my winter break. Of course I also spent time with my family and friends and tried to have my mind in the right place. But above all I was just counting down the days for the season to start." I finished and forced myself to smile, trying not to look in his direction.

I didn’t listen to what was said next, I only focused on my breathing and trying to stay as calm as possible. If he’s here, then he will definitely try to ask something and as far as I know him, it would be very inappropriate and sexist.

"… and I think it’s a step in the right direction in terms of equality and diversity to have her here with us." Sebastian said and I looked up. Were they talking about me?

"Lewis?" Clarkson said.

"Yeah, I can only agree with what Charles and Seb said, it’s sad that it took so long for the motorsports world to recognise the talents of female drivers. But I’m really glad that it finally worked out and Lizzie’s here now with us, she’ll be a role model for a whole bunch of girls out there, showing that their dreams can come true." Lewis said and I smiled shyly at him.

"Alright, thank you Lewis. Let’s open this to the floor now and please remember to give your name and publication… first question, please."

"John Barrow, Motorsports Mag. Question for Lizzie. You’re 24 now, not really a young rookie anymore, with many young, talented drivers in F2 right now, hoping for a seat in F1, do you think it’s fair that you took the last open seat, after not being in the sport for years whereas they were fighting for your spot?" the journalist asked and Charles next to me scoffed.

"Connard." Pierre whispered under his breath on my other side. (asshole)

"Umm- of course I’m aware of the amazing drivers that are currently in F2 and I know their desire to make the final step into F1 all too well, I was in their position 4/ 5 years ago. But I was out of the sport not by my own choice? I was forced to, by almost dying… so yeah. I don’t think it’s unfair." I said, looking over at Charles, a murderous look on his face.

"Jean Michel, L'Équipe. Question for Lizzie. Where do you see yourself and the car after the tests? The target from Audi was to fight for wins, but do you think that you’re able to fight at the top, or is the midfield more the area you would see yourself?"

"Car wise I think we showed in the tests so far that we have a good car with a lot of pace, so yeah I think we, or specifically I as you asked, can fight for wins." The next questions were almost all directed at me, more or less the same thing: do I really think I am good enough for this. I felt my anxiety crippling up my spine with every new question and I began to fiddle with my cuticles, feeling the stinging in my eyes. As I thought a second of the next answer I was going to give, I felt the lump in my throat getting bigger and bigger.

"Okay, I think that’s enough. We established by now that Lizzie is feeling capable of driving in F1 and I have no doubt that she will impress all of us, I’ve seen her multiple times on track and from Charles I know how she was back in karting. So I’d say there has been said everything there is to say on that matter." Seb said, his voice calm and collected, although his face clearly showed disdain.

"Right, so we got time for another question? Any other question, please?" Tom Clarkson asked the journalists and I looked around, Salva Diaz holding up his hand and my heart sunk into the pit of my stomach.

"Salva Diaz. Marca. Question for Lizzie. There have been a lot of rumours in the past, about if you and Charles are dating or not. But aside from that, you have now a pool of 19 men around you to choose from, who is the one that attracts you the most, or is it maybe even more than one, you might persuade?" he asked, looking at me with a disgusting smirk.

"Seriously mate? This question is inappropriate!" Lewis said as Charles next to me tensed up and clenched his jaw.

"It’s a question many people are asking themselves?" Diaz countered.

"Yeah? Then these many people can fuck off. We’re done." Charles was furious and got up, standing in front of me, waiting for me to get up "Come on, ma belle, we’re leaving." he said quietly in French and I looked up at him. My eyes glossy. He pulled me up and walked behind me, guiding me, with his hand at the small of my back, out of the conference room.

"I’m okay Charles…" I whispered as he led me through the door.

"Yeah, maybe. But I’m not." he answered and I looked over my shoulder and saw Seb and Lewis discussing with Pierre "That was not okay! All of the questions for you? And then that last guy? What the fuck?"

"It’s okay. It’s done now." I said and he just shook his head.

"I hope they won’t do that again!" Charles said.

"They will. I’m an easy target." I replied and Charles sighed.

"We’ll find a solution…" he said and I nodded, as we walked back to our hospitalities.

The fanzone was loud and a sea of people donning merch of every team. I was almost ecstatic to see people wearing Audi merch with my logo on it, even some posters for me. It was all happening in a blur. The questions asked, my answers. A bit of banter with Valtteri and then we walked off the stage to the fans, Valtteri in front and me behind him, nervously I thought to myself if someone even wanted my autograph or a picture with me. But as soon as we arrived at the fence the fans started screaming Valtteris but also my name. I signed t-shirts, flags, magazine covers, drivers cards, caps, even some arms. As a young girl held up a t-shirt for me to sign, she made big eyes when I signed it.

"Lizzie! You’re sooo amazing! Here! That’s for you!" the young girl handed me a bracelet and I beamed at her.

"For me?" I repeated and she nodded.

"Yes! Here we have another one!" the girl next to her handed me another bracelet.

"Oh my god! Thank you sooo much! They look amazing!" I smiled at them as I put the two bracelets on my wrist "I love them! They are so pretty!"

"We hope you win this weekend, Lizzie!" the one girl said.

"I will try my best!" I said and then we took a selfie together "I hope you have an amazing weekend here, girls!" I waved one last time before I was ushered away by a security guy. I took selfies here and there, signed more merch and other stuff and even received some more bracelets. At the end of the fence was a little girl, full in Audi merch, waving excitedly.

"Look at you! You look amazing!" I said as I stopped in front of her.

"Lizzie! You’re so cool!" she said in German and I smiled at her "You are the best driver!"

"Maybe not the best, but yeah…" I laughed and she shook her head.

"Papa said, if you made it into F1 you must be the best!" she answered and her dad behind her chuckled.

"She’s right! We’re so proud to see a girl making it into F1! And then a German driver in a German team!" he said and I smiled.

"Thank you so much for your support!" I said and signed the cap the little girl handed me.

"Can we take a picture together?" she asked shyly.

"Absolutely!" I answered and we all crouched together to take a picture.

"Here, that’s for you!" the little girl handed me another bracelet and I put it on immediately.

"Thank you so much! It looks amazing!" I said and looked at the bracelet on my wrist.

"Can I hug you?" the girl asked and I smiled.

"Yes! Definitely!" I answered and embraced the little girl "That's what I needed! Thank you so much!"

"We hope you win on Sunday!" she said and her dad nodded in agreement.

"I will try my very best!" I said and smiled one last time before I had to leave.

"Look at that! I got some bracelets! They are all so pretty!" I showed Charles my bracelets and he held my hand and inspected them.

"They really are pretty." he said and I smiled even brighter.

"I was always so… I wouldn’t say jealous, but yeah kinda, when I saw all the bracelets you got… and now I got some myself!" I said and he chuckled a little.

"I have so many by now, I always feel bad when I don’t wear them all. I always switch between them, taking a couple for one weekend and then some others for the next." Charles said and I nodded.

"Maybe I will get one day as well as many as you, but for now I love the ones I have!" I said and he smiled at me.

"I told you, the people will love you! How could they not?" he said and played with the bracelets around my wrist.

"Yeah, it’s just hard to grasp, you know? I’m here now, people are actually cheering for me after all the negativity of the past months? I just don’t want to disappoint them!" I said quietly and looked down, Charles grabbing my chin gently and tilting my head up.

"As long as you give 100% and be the best you can be, you won’t disappoint anyone!" he said firmly and I nodded a little.

"I will give my best… but I know there will be people out there, even journalists, experts or whatever that will crucify me for any small mistake that I’m making. There will be so many people for whom I’ll never be good enough…" I sighed but Charles shook his head.

"Ignore those people! You are one of the best drivers on the grid, believe in yourself!" he said and I smiled a little.

"I will try my best." I said and he pulled me into his side.

"You got this."

The first few laps were good, the car was bouncing a lot, but we expected it from what we’ve seen during the tests already. Apart from that I felt comfortable.

"Lizzie, start your out lap now. Have an eye on the fronts in turn 3 and 6. Mind the curb in turn 8. Valtteri was brushing it a lot there!" Pete said over the radio

"Copy."

I did as told and completed a fast lap.

"Good lap, Lizzie. P4. Box next lap."

"Alright."

The next laps I would test out the medium tires and I felt immediately how much faster I could go.

"Tires are really good." I pushed the radio button.

"Understood. One more try, then box.”

"Ok."

I warmed my tires and began my lap. I weaved through the track and the pace of the car was amazing, but when I drove into turn 10, I braked slightly too much and my tires locked up and I spun off the track, a full 360, but I managed to not lose the car.

"Track clear?" I asked.

"Wait for Albon and then all clear."

Alex drove past me and I joined the track again. I took a deep breath, great. FP1 and I almost lost the car already. I drove straight to the pits where I got wheeled back into the garage. I opened my visor as Pete walked over to me.

"I think we need to check the floor." I said.

"Alright." he nodded to Matt, one of the mechanics as they brought down the screens. I checked the lap times, compared them with the others. Then I watched my spin and shook my head.

"I’m sorry…" I began but Pete shook his head.

"Charles reported he almost lost the car as well, right after you. There must be a slippery patch. So look out on the next lap." he answered and I nodded.

I was almost certain that there wasn’t a slippery patch or something. I simply braked too hard and my tires locked up. I couldn’t think about it any longer as Matt gave Pete the all clear.

"Ready?" Pete asked and I gave him the thumbs up, closing my visor.

"First day is over, how do you feel?" Andrea asked and I shrugged my shoulders a little, poking at my salad.

"Good, I guess? I mean it was a good day, result wise, I think?" I answered and Dad chuckled a little.

"Lizzie, you were P8 and P7. That’s more than good, result wise." Pierre said and Charles nodded.

"I think you could’ve been even faster, you were a bit hesitant at some corners, I think?" he looked at me and I sighed.

"It’s my first race weekend. I don't want to crash out before I make it into the race!" I replied and Charles rolled his eyes.

"Stop thinking like that! Just drive." he said and Pierre nodded agreeing.

"He’s right. Get everything out of your head and just drive. The rest will come on its own." Pierre said and I forced myself to smile, then I took a big gulp of my water.

"You’ll do great. You’ll see." Seb said and patted my arm.

"Listen to him, he’s a world champion!" Felix said and we laughed.

"Yeah, you’re right. In Seb we trust" I said and Seb rolled his eyes.

"What?" Charles asked after a while.

"What?" I looked up at him.

"You want to say something… I feel it. Something is bothering you." he sat up against the headboard.

I sighed and sat up, thinking about how to phrase what’s on my mind.

"It’s umm… in FP1. When I spun… why did you say you almost lost it there? Why did you say there was a slippery patch on the track? I was braking too hard. My tires locked up a little, that’s why I spun…" I said, not looking at him.

"Because it was slip-…" Charles began and I glared at him "Fine. I knew that you would

immediately think about what the media would say and so I thought that if I also have a problem at the spot and say that it’s slippery…"

"… the media leave me alone and won’t tear me apart for screwing up in FP1 already?" I finished his sentence and he nodded a little.

"I’m sorry… it’s just… I know that you read all that crap they write about you and that is not really the best for your confidence! So yeah…" he admitted sheepishly.

"Thank you, Charlie!" I whispered as I hugged him.

"You know I would do everything for you!" he whispered back.

"But Charles?" I pulled away and looked at him.

"You want me to say that I’ll never do it again…" he said and I nodded "I will try my best, it’s just… in my mind it just clicks and I want to protect you, so… yeah I will try to stop it."

"Thanks, really…" I kissed his cheek and he smiled "And now, I go. We need to sleep!"

"You could also stay? We always shared a room in F2 and even when I was in F1 and you in F2?" Charles said and I thought for a second "I sleep better when you’re next to me…"

"Yeah… me too!" I replied and he smiled.

"Perfect."

"Perfect."

"Don’t risk too much, but push as hard as you can."

Charles' words in the back of my mind as I started my flying lap. Trying everything I could to reach Q3.

"Are we through?"

"We are through. P9." Pete said.

"Nice one!"

I drove back into the pits, got a new set of tires, checking my laps.

"You can push a little more." Pete said and pointed out some of the turns, where I was a little more careful than at other turns.

"Alright."

I got into heavy traffic, my mind went racing. I had yet to set a lap time after my last was deleted due to track limits. It was now or never. I accelerated and pushed the throttle as hard as I could and crossed the start line. Full focus now on the track. I was like in a tunnel, nothing else on my mind. I saw the checkered flag and pushed the radio button.

"Tell me we’ve made it?!"

"You’ve done it! You’re in Q3!"

"Valtteri?"

"His last lap time was deleted. He’s P15."

"Damn it. He’ll make up for it in the race!"

"Exactly."

P8 in Q2. It wouldn’t be a bad starting position for my first ever Formula 1 race. But I still had one last chance to make some places up. I drove out of the garage and started to warm my tires.

"Who’s on track with me?"

"Right now Hamilton, Russell, Gasly will pit now. Perez, Magnussen on track. Charles, Verstappen and Sainz are at the pit exit."

"Copy."

"Don’t risk too much, but push as hard as you can." Charles' words again in my head. Also how he said stop thinking just drive. And I just did that. I blanked everything else out. I just drove.

"Brilliant job, Lizzie!"

"Woooohoooooo! YES! Well done team! Thank you guys so much!"

"That was an amazing lap, you’re only 0.095 seconds behind Hamilton! Terrific job!"

"Thanks guys! Where’s Charles?"

"Charles is on pole."

"YES! Awesome! So happy for him!"

"Lizzie, first of all, congrats! P6 for tomorrow! That was an amazing lap!" Will Buxton congratulated me.

"Thanks! It was an amazing job by the team, they sent me out at the right times, tyre choices were amazing. That was a great team effort!" I smiled at him.

"But it was also a brilliant drive from you! You were also a good teammate there, asking straight for Valtteri and later even checking up on Charles?" he asked me and I nodded.

"Valtteri was over the last few weeks such an amazing help for me! He helped me to adjust to the car, showed me what to look at, how to go check certain things. He’s been an amazing mentor and I wished he would’ve been with me in Q3, but I know he will come back stronger tomorrow in the race." I answered and he nodded "And Charles… I mean, I obviously keep on checking for him, I’m so proud of him after that qualifying and hope he can convert that pole into a win."

"So no win for you?" Will chuckled.

"I mean, pace wise it will be really hard to catch up to him. But yeah we’ll see what we can do."

"First Drivers Parade… nervous?" Valtteri asked as we got on the low loader truck.

"No? Yes? I don’t know?" I answered and he chuckled, then nudged my shoulder.

"You’ll be fine, I know it!" he said and I nodded, he clapped Charles on the back who approached us "Hey mate."

"Hi Valtteri." Charles smiled at the Finish driver as he walked off, then he looked at me "You look a little pale?"

"I’m good… I just want the race to start now!" I admitted and Charles laughed.

"Yeah, I remember how I was before my first race. I just wanted to get into the car and drive…" he said and I smiled.

"I know, I was there!" I replied and we laughed.

"You were… like you’re everywhere that’s important to me!" he said and pulled me into his side "And now smile and wave at the crowd!" and I did just that.

"We’re all so proud of you Lizzie! You’ll be amazing!" Mum said and I smiled at her.

"Show me! Lizzie! Look what I’m wearing!" Liam came into frame, clad in Audi merch from head to toe.

"Oh wow Bubba! Look at you!" I laughed and he beamed at me.

"I’m your biggest fan! Oh… but also Charlie’s! Like both of you!" Liam said and I smiled at him.

"I think we can happily share your support!" I said and Charles walked up next to me, football in one hand "Speak of the devil!" I tilted the phone so that Liam could see Charles.

"Hey Bubba! I see you’re ready for the race!" he said and Liam nodded.

"But look what I wear under!" Liam said and lifted his Audi shirt, revealing a Ferrari shirt.

"Look at you!" Charles laughed and Liam was happy that he made both of us happy.

"I’d say now Charlie has to win!" Dad said behind us and Liam nodded.

"Yes! Charlie wins and Lizzie makes it onto the podium!" he agreed and I laughed.

"Sure! I’ll try my best!" I smiled at him.

"I have a good feeling that Lizzie will be on the podium, Bubba!" Charles said and I rolled my eyes a little.

"We gotta go now, Liam! I’ll call you after the race!" I said and Charles nodded.

"Bye little one!" he said and Liam sent us air kisses.

"Good luck!" he yelled before he ended the call.

"Warm up a little?" Charles asked and I nodded, grabbing the ball from him.

"Yup, let’s go."

Charles POV:

I stood in front of Lizzie’s garage, waiting for her and looked up at the picture of her, smiling down on me. Someone approached me and I looked down.

"Good luck, Charles! You can win this!" Juergen said and hugged me.

"Thanks, but shouldn’t you cheer for Lizzie?" I teased him and he rolled his eyes boxing my arm a little.

"I’m not picking a favourite out of you two! You battle it out on the track and the best should win… like back in the day!" he said and I smiled.

"Sounds fair!" I laughed as Lizzie walked out of the garage, her race suit rolled down to her waist "Ready?"

"Let’s vibe to the anthem I say!" she laughed and gave Juergen a kiss on the cheeks, hugged me and walked away "Come on Charlie!" I turned around and followed her as something caught my eye. Inside of Lizzie’s race suit was the Monegasque flag. I stopped abruptly. Lizzie took another 3 steps before she realised I wasn’t next to her, then she turned around.

"What’s wrong?" she asked, worried.

"Is that… Lizzie is that- is that the Monegasque flag?" I almost whispered it and her eyes widened a little as she blushed.

"Yeah… it’s umm- it’s a little tribute, for your Dad, he always said I would make it into F1. He never had any doubt, even when I had them… a lot. But he never doubted it for a second… so yeah, that’s for him." she said and I almost choked up "But it’s also for you, Charles, because you did as well. You always said we would drive one day together in F1 and here we are. You were always by my side, through thick and thin. You believed in me when I wasn’t anymore. So yeah, this is for you as well. My anchor."

I hugged her tight to my body, blinking the tears away.

"My anchor. Without you, I wouldn’t be here either. Tonight we make them proud!" I whispered and kissed her temple.

"Get a room, you two!" Pierre shouted as he walked past us, while Daniel did a wolf whistle.

"They’re just jealous, because I get to hold you close and they don’t!" I said, pulling away.

"No, that privilege belongs only to you." she said as she wiped away the tears from my cheeks "Damn, Leclerc. We’re not even racing yet and you’re already sweating."

I was taking one last breath. Closing my eyes. And then it started. The lights went out and I went off. Hamilton overtook Perez, then I overtook Perez, chasing Hamilton for that P4. Behind us was a little commotion but we were already too far gone to be involved. A yellow flag was waved, a moment later the track was clear again. I fully focused on Hamilton in front of me, staying as close as possible. As soon as the DRS was enabled I tried to catch up even further.

"Spare front left a bit." Pete radioed.

"Copy. Gap?"

"0.9. Stay like this and you’ll have DRS."

"Alright."

And DRS I had indeed, but Hamilton was clever, fighting off my attack lap after lap.

"Hamilton says tyres are really good."

"Yeah? He’s sliding a lot for that."

"How are yours?"

"Better. No sliding."

"Strat 1A then."

"Copy."

The next few laps I stayed close to Hamilton but he always was able to fight me off, no matter how hard I tried.

"Box, Box." Pete said and the next lap I drove into the pit lane, right after Hamilton.

2.4 seconds. A good stop. But I wasn’t the only one with a good one. Hamilton got released just as I approached him and I had to break to avoid us touching. No undercut then. Now it was all down to who would warm the tyres faster. The battle for the 4th place went on lap after lap, with me overtaking Hamilton and him overtaking me. Back and forth until our next pitstop. And after that it went on again like that.

"Do I have anything left? Pace wise?" I pushed the radio button and hoped for a miracle.

"We can try setting… safety car. Lizzie, Max has retired. It’s now a battle for the podium."

Battle for the podium? In my first race I could get a podium? I just had to overtake 7 time world champion Lewis Hamilton for that. Something I failed for the past almost 50 laps. Game on.

"Box, Box."

I knew I had a set of new softs.

"Does he…" I began.

"Only used ones." Pete knew exactly what I wanted to ask.

A set of new softs. I warmed them as good as possible, preparing for the re-start. I knew Charles long enough to know when and where he would start and had an amazing re-start. I made a bold move, round the inside and Hamilton left enough space for me to squeeze past him, with the better tyres I had more traction for the next few corners and could defend my position. I was even able to keep him out of the DRS window as soon as it was enabled again.

"Hamilton now behind with 1.3 seconds. Sainz ahead with 1.1 seconds. 3 laps to go."

"Who’s faster?"

"You’re faster than Hamilton. Sainz is slightly faster than you."

"Copy."

3 more laps. Push through.

Penultimate lap. Come on.

Last lap. Only 5,412 km between me and my first ever F1 podium. Full focus.

Checkered flag. P3.

"GOOD JOB, LIZZIE! WELL DONE!" Pete screamed.

"OH MY FUCKING GOD! DID WE JUST LAND ON THE PODIUM?!?!"

"You drove brilliantly! Amazing! Thank you, Lizzie! We’re all so proud of you!" Felix radioed and he sounded a little off.

"Are you crying? Felix!" I chuckled and he cleared his throat.

"No, I don’t! But honestly! Freaking amazing, Lizzie! Congratulations on a brilliant first race and your first podium!" he said.

"Thank you guys! This is for all the hard work you guys put in the car! Here and back home at the factory. Where’s Valtteri?"

"P6!"

"WOOOHOOOO!!! From P15 to P6! What an amazing recovery! Awesome job!"

"Double points!"

It felt amazing, putting the car in that P3 spot. Next to Charles, who was already getting out of his car. I sat there for a moment to gather myself. P fucking 3. What?! Someone patted on my helmet and I looked up.

"Get your ass out there!" Charles shouted and I unbuckled my seatbelts, put the steering wheel out and climbed out of the car, straight into Charles arms who twirled me around "I’m so fucking proud of you, ma belle! Your first race and you’re already on the podium! Congrats!"

"Thank you Charlie, congrats on your win! Fucking hell a P1-P2! Ferrari is back!" I said as he sat me down and I opened my visor.

"Yeah, no go to your team! They want to celebrate you!" he pushed me towards the Audi crew and I jumped into them, everyone patting my helmet, shoulders and arms.

"Fantastic!"

"Well done, Lizzie!"

"Amazing race!"

"Brilliant race, Lizzie!"

I felt like floating when I reached Dad who pulled me into him.

"I’m so, so proud of you, my little owl! You did amazing! We’re all so damn proud!" he sniffled a little and I pulled away.

"Nooo! Pops stop crying!!!" I said and he shook his head.

"I’m not crying! Don’t look at me like that! It’s just-… You’re on the freaking podium! Charles won! I’m so happy and proud of you two!" he said and I waved Charles over. Dad immediately pulled him into a tight hug. "We’re all so proud of you! You two did amazing!"

"Oh Pops, stop or I’m crying!" Charles laughed and Dad did as well "Lizzie, you need to go to your weighing." he looked over at Jo Bauer, waiting for me.

"Oh shit, yeah, I almost forgot." I walked over hastily "Sorry! I was overwhelmed."

"No worries at all, Lizzie. Good race! Well done!” he smiled at me, noting my weight and handing me the receipt.

"Thank you!" I said and walked up to the little table and pulled my helmet off, after that I wiped my face with the towel and drank some water. Then I walked over to Carlos and nudged his shoulder.

"Good race! Congrats!" I said and he grinned.

"Yeah, you too Lizzie. Well done!" he said and someone engulfed me in a hug from behind, lifting me off the ground.

"YOU’RE THE FREAKING GOAT!" Pierre screamed and I laughed. He let me down again and I turned around and he hugged me again "You’re on the podium! You’re on the freaking podium! Congrats!"

"Thanks, Pierre!" I smiled at him and he nodded at Carlos.

"We’re going to party tonight!" Pierre hugged me again and then walked up to Charles to congratulate him. I took another swig from my bottle as I saw Seb approaching me.

"Lizzie! Amazing race!" he said in German and hugged me "I’m so damn proud of you!"

"Thanks Seb!" I smiled and he patted my shoulder again before he left to congratulate Charles as well. I drank some more as Julie waved at me, nodding her head into the direction where the camera crew was standing. Of course, the interview. I took a deep breath and walked towards a guy smiling at me and handing me a microphone.

"Lizzie, congrats on P3! What a race! Your overtake on Perez looked phenomenal! And then that fight with Lewis? Talk us through!" Martin Brundle said and I smiled at him.

"Thanks, Martin! It was an amazing feeling, having that much pace to overtake him like that! But yeah, Lewis was a tough battle! Whenever I thought I might have him, he always came back. But he’s not a 7 time world champion for nothing." I answered and Martin laughed.

"He’s a tough opponent, that’s for sure. But you managed to overtake him and now you’re standing here, P3, podium, in your first F1 race. How does it feel?" he asked.

"Can I be honest? I’m feeling a little like I’m dreaming or something? It doesn’t feel real. I mean… fucking hell! Podium? I can’t believe it! It feels so freaking amazing. It was a good first weekend for us, we scored some nice point with Valtteri’s amazing race from P15 to P6!" I said and laughed when Valtteri showed up behind Martin waving at me.

"I let you join your team mate, then. Enjoy your first podium! Amazing race, Lizzie. Well done!" he finished and I smiled at him.

"Thank you!" and with that I gave the microphone back and walked up to Valtteri, who pulled me in a hug.

"Brilliant job, Lizzie!" he said and I smiled.

"You too! What a race! P6! Amazing!" I replied and he just waved it off.

"It was okay. But you? Fantastic! You need to celebrate this!" he smiled at me and I nodded "And now off you go to get that trophy!"

"Yeah." I laughed and followed one of the F1 officials into the cool down room.

"That was an amazing overtake, Lizzie. He had no chance!" Charles gushed as he saw the replay of my overtake of Perez "And that fight with Lewis! Brilliant!"

"He was a tough nut!" I replied as the replay of the checkered flag was shown and how the Ferraris crossed the line first and then with a little gap me.

"Lizzie? You’re first!" the same F1 official from before called me on the podium and I walked out, the crowd cheering, and stepped on the podium. I could hear some booing here and there but I couldn’t care less at the moment. Podium. Fucking amazing.

It was all a blur. Monaco Anthem. Italy Anthem. Trophies. And then the Champagne. The loud pop of the cork ringing in my ear as I was doused in the sticky liquid by Charles. I sprayed him and Carlos, then we cheersed on each other and I took a swig of the bottle.

"Ewww… I thought in F1 it would taste at least a little better!" I laughed and Charles only shook his head.

"Nope, still disgusting." he chuckled a little and took a sip as well "Yeah, never gets better."

As the pictures were taken, Charles pulled me close to his side, cheeks hurting from smiling like crazy.

We were ushered to the post race press conference and Charles and I joked around as Tom Clarkson began. Most of the questions were positive, congratulating me, saying they were impressed. I saw Salva Diaz, hoping he wouldn’t have a chance of asking anything, but I was wrong, unfortunately.

"Question for Lizzie, your overtake on Checo looked almost a bit too easy? He didn’t put up much of a fight there…" he began.

"Lewis' overtake on him wasn’t different? He had problems with his engine as we found out… so what are you implying?" I interrupted him.

"I wasn’t implying anything… Who will be the lucky man you’re celebrating your race with tonight? Maybe even Checo?" he then countered and I saw Charles next to me clenching his jaw.

"With every single person that comes down to the club where we will be." I answered, voice indifferent.

"Alright. That’s it for today. Thank you to our 3 drivers, Lizzie, Charles and Carlos. Have a nice celebration and we’ll see you next week in Saudi Arabia. Good night!"

I jumped up and we left the stage, Julie waiting for me.

"Why do I have a feeling that this guy really doesn’t like you?" she asked and I shook my head.

"I don’t know, he’s just a sexist asshole, don’t worry…" I answered but Charles just scoffed.

"This guy needs to be gone. It’s the second time now that he asked something like that! That’s not okay, Lizzie!" he said.

"Let’s wait for Saudi Arabia. If he pulls something like that again…" I sighed.

"Of course he will!" Charles replied.

"We’ll see, okay? And now I don’t want to think about him anymore! I want to think about the amazing race we had! And how and where we celebrate!" I said and Charles chuckled a little.

"You’ll see, ma belle, you’ll see!"

As I finally made it back into the Audi garage a wild party was already going on, everyone clapping and cheering for me as I walked in.

"Alright, everyone, quiet please. I want to say a few words!" Felix said out loud. And everyone was looking at him "First of all: Big congratulations to Lizzie! You had an amazing first weekend and today’s race was just phenomenal! A podium in your first race! We’re all so proud of you! Then of course Valtteri! You coped brilliantly! From P15 to P6! Good job! I’d like to thank not just you two for today’s success, but also the whole team, everyone who worked so hard for this result today! I have a good feeling about this car, this whole team and our drivers of course! So, let’s celebrate tonight. Our team briefing can wait until tomorrow!"

"Let’s goooo!" Matt, one of my mechanics shouted and the whole team cheered with him.

I hugged people here and there, made small talk and laughed and smiled. Right as I thought I possibly couldn’t smile brighter, I saw a text from Charles, asking when I’m ready to leave. I said my goodbyes to the team, telling them that I want them all at the club later on, grabbed my bag and left with dad, whose smile didn’t falter once.

"You have no idea how proud I am of you, my little owl." he said as we walked side by side to the car park.

"Pops, you said it already like a million times! I know by now!" I laughed but he shook his head.

"Yeah and you will hear it probably another 2 million times! I’m proud of you! Really!" he said and pulled me to his side "Today you showed the world what we all already knew, you’re a true fighter and a terrific racer! And it seems that a lot of people world wide agree, you won the vote for driver of the day!"

"That means nothing…" I began.

"Yes, it does Lizzie!" he replied and I sighed.

"Maybe you’re right…" I said and he chuckled.

"I’m always right."

"Wow… Lizzie, you look… wow…" Charles looked at me in the mirror and I turned around "You look so amazing, ma belle. Beautiful."

"Thanks, Charlie. You look very handsome yourself!" I answered, smoothing down the dark green fabric of my dress.

"It’s nothing compared to you!" he answered and I shook my head, Charles looked dashing in his dark blue jeans and white button down.

"That’s not true! The girls will be all over you tonight!" I laughed and turned around and looked into the mirror again, checking my make up one last time, as Charles walked up next to me, turning me around, one hand on my waist, the other gently tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His eyes lingered for a moment on my mouth, then they wandered up to my eyes.

"I don’t care about other girls, because tonight I’ll only celebrate you… and I plan to be all over you…" he whispered and I could feel his warm breath fanning over my face, I swallowed audibly and he grinned at me. I felt hot, my insides boiling. He was so close. Too close. But not close enough. I glanced down at his lips, his perfect lips. Did he just lean in? I opened my mouth, I had to say something, but then someone started banging on the door and we pushed away from each other. I walked into the en suite bathroom. Trying to cool myself down. Something like that couldn’t happen again.

"Get your ass out of there, Lizzie! Come on! They are all waiting for us!" Pierre yelled through the door and I took one last deep breath, then walked out.

"Jeez! I’m ready! Can’t a girl have a minute of privacy?" I asked and he just shook his head.

"Nope, not when she’s this hot and has a podium and a full club of guys waiting to celebrate with her. So let’s move it!" he laughed and pushed me out of the hotel room, I could grab my purse at the last moment and the next thing I know is how I downed my first shot of the night.

"To Charles and Carlos! First P1-P2 for Ferrari in a while! And to Lizzie! For scoring her first podium in her first race!" Pierre shouted and we all drank another shot.

"I must say, I’m more than impressed, Liz. That weekend of yours? You shut a lot of mouths!" Daniel said and I smiled at him "Damn good to be driving along a history maker!"

"Thanks Daniel! Really!" I said and hugged him.

"Hey! Unfair!" Charles next to me huffed and pulled me out of Daniel’s embrace before hugging me himself "You said only I have the privilege to have you this close!"

I had to contain my laughter at his adorable pout and instead kissed his cheek.

"Sorry Charlie bear, but he was nice to me… so I had to say thank you, right?" I laughed but Charles shook his head, a movement he regretted a moment later.

"Shouldn’t have done that… ugh… I’m feeling dizzy now…" he mumbled and I walked him back to our booth and sat him down, handing him a bottle of water "Thank you, ma belle… but what I was saying… you can shake his hand to say thank you…"

"Oh Charles come one… don’t be so possessive!" I laughed, although my cheeks blushed hard at the thought of Charles being this possessive over me.

"But I am this possessive! You’re mine." he rasped quietly and the air between us was loaded with tension.

"What?" I swallowed hard, I must misheard that.

"I said you’re my best friend. My Lizzie. Ma belle." Charles said, his voice sounded a little nervous "Right?"

"Yeah… yeah you’re right…" I answered and grabbed a bottle of water for myself "Maybe we should leave Charles. You’re a little drunk and I don’t want you to be totally hungover tomorrow!" I got up and he only nodded, doing the same.

"You’re right. We have team meetings to attend in a couple of hours…" he answered, although he sounded almost sober again "Let’s go."

The whole way back to our hotel and Charles room we were silent. I went to the bath room first, showered quickly and was preparing for bed. I walked out in an old shirt from Charles and a leggins. He sat on the edge of the bed, scrolling through his phone.

"I always wondered where that was…" he chuckled as he looked up, pointing to his shirt.

"It’s comfy, so I stole it…" I answered and grinned at him "You can go now, I’m done."

"Alrighty then." Charles stood up and closed the door behind him.

I laid down, thinking about what happened before the club. It wasn’t the first time that we were this close to each other, that I felt like my body was craving him, not just my body, but also my mind. I had to stop myself from doing something stupid. But on the other hand, it seemed that Charles had to do the same? Or was it just the champagne? We drank a little more while getting ready. But these kinds of moments happened a lot over the last months. And usually we were sober… My mind was reeling, trying to find an answer… but instead of being wiser, my mind drifted off, replaying the scene from the club earlier over and over… and with Charles' image in my mind, I fell asleep.

"All in all it was an amazing weekend for us! 23 points, no damages, one podium. Amazing. Let’s continue like this in Jeddah! See you all there!" Felix finished off our first ever post race team meeting and we were dismissed. I said goodbye to everyone and left, looking for Charles, as Dad and I would fly with him to Jeddah. We haven’t talked about what happened last night, this morning was hectic with packing our suitcases and hurrying back to the track for our respective team meetings. I walked out of our garage bumping straight into Andrea.

"Charles sent me to pick you up, the team meeting isn’t over yet." he said and I nodded.

"Why do they need this long? Was there anything they could’ve done better? I mean you have a P1-P2 plus the fastest lap?" I laughed but Andrea shook his head a little.

"Yeah, I don’t know either… he said we should go ahead and he will come straight to the airport." he said and I cocked an eyebrow.

"Umm… okay. Dad and JK are waiting with my stuff in our hospitality-" I began but stopped as I saw both of them walking up to us, Dad with my suitcase and backpack "Nevermind." I laughed and Andrea chuckled a little.

"I go and grab Charles and my stuff, I meet you at the car?" he said and I nodded as he walked off.

"So? How was the first post race team meeting?" Dad asked as we walked to the car park.

"I mean there wasn’t much to say was there?" I shrugged my shoulders and they laughed.

"Probably not, no." he answered "We’re waiting now for Charles? What’s taking so long at Ferrari?"

"It’s Ferrari…"

"Are you okay?" I asked Charles, while he was tapping away on his phone.

"Yeah, why?" he didn’t even look up from his phone, so I gently took it from his hands "Lizzie, I’m fine. Can I have my phone now?"

"No. Because you’re not honest… you can have it back as soon as you start talking!" I said, leaning back in my seat, looking out the window. Charles next to me sighed and then leaned back as well.

"Sylvia spoke to me about the way I celebrated after the race…" he whispered and I turned to look at him.

"The club? You didn’t do anything? Yeah we drank a little but we didn’t do something… we made it back to the hotel without leaving any chaos behind?" I asked and he shook his head, closing his eyes.

"No, straight after the race, when I got out of my car… she said I should’ve gone to Carlos first, to celebrate our P1-P2, then our team. And then lastly you…" he mumbled.

"Oh… okay… I’m sorry." I said and Charles whipped his head into my direction.

"Why would you apologise for her erratic behaviour? I swear she just looks for reasons to annoy me… she said apparently it wouldn’t look good to the Tifosi if I would congratulate and celebrate first with another driver and then with Carlos… I told her you’re not just another driver and she knows it… but yeah you know her." he said and I chuckled a little, yes, I knew how Sylvia could be.

"Was that why the meeting took that long?" I asked and he nodded.

"I explained to them that I was just happy for you and that I can’t control my emotions after winning a race and then seeing you being on the podium as well… she said I should try and I just said I will… which I totally won’t. I celebrate with who I want when I want!" he smiled at me.

"You’re giving her a heart attack one day…" I chuckled and he laid his head on my shoulder.

"Maybe I’ll do it in Jeddah, when we’re both back on the podium together…" he whispered and took my hand, intertwining our fingers "And now let’s try for a little power nap, I’m tired as hell…" he yawned and closed his eyes, snuggling into my side.

"You always turn into a little koala bear when you’re tired…" I giggled and I could see him smiling.

"That's why I’m your Charlie bear." he whispered and I smiled, looking out of the window. Saudi Arabia is ahead of us.

Race week 2 starts now.

————————————————————————

Little Note:

That's it, chapter 13 is out - the longest chapter so far 🙈 soooorry! But a LOT is happening and I wanted to be as detailed as possible for one race weekend because from now on it’s never this fully described ever again. And sorry that it took so long, but writing with a broken hand wasn’t so easy 🫠

Please leave a comment/ like/ reblog/ message and tell me how you liked it! I'm dying to hear your thoughts!

If you want to be added to the taglist, drop a comment!

Last but not least, English is not my first language and although I tried my best: please excuse any mistakes I made!

Taglist:

@silkenthusiasts @eugene-emt-roe @sunny44 @itsjustkhaos @glitterquadricorn @aundercover @kakorrhaphiphobia @alittlebitofbooksandmagic @ru-kru @glitterf1

All the images I’m using are from Google, Pinterest and Instagram (or self made 😅).

[foxymoxynoona]

Over the Falls Ch. 2: Bomb

Sexy Banner & bar by @borabae-gx

Summary: Jungkook sees a lot of things as a pool tech. It’s…  fine. It pays the bills between mornings on the water and evenings  rocking out with his garage-band. His favorite thing to see on the job has been Grace Birch –older but a hottie, wealthy but nice, and  unfortunately very married. At least until Grace learns what her husband  has been up to behind her back. Now that she’s free, Jungkook finds  himself wondering: what does it take for a guy like him to catch the eye of a woman like that?

Genre: Poolboy Jungkook x Rich Divorcee OC

Tags: Age gap (older woman), socioeconomic gap, Surferboy JK, drummer/guitarist/vocalist JK, Wealthy divorcee OC, househusband

CW: Mature/Explicit,  Infidelity (not between JKxOC), language, alcohol, recreational drugs, lots of explicit sex, ageist/racist/classist remarks down the road, outdoor sex, beach sex

Chapter One | Masterlist | Chapter Three

“You’re pursing your lips!” Taro called back to Jungkook. His attempts to unpurse them failed beneath his glare; he pursed them tighter, then squeezed his eyes shut accidentally while trying to relax his lips. Thinking about it all caused him to drag the rhythm and Yoongi abruptly stopped.

“Fuck off,” Jungkook scowled at Taro. “Who cares what my mouth is doing when I’m not singing?”

“I care, it doesn’t look cool.”

“Well stop looking back at me and you won’t see it. The audience is that way,” Jungkook said, pointing with his stick to the front of the garage where Taehyung, Jimin, Hoseok, and Corri chilled with beers on cheap folding chairs. They weren’t paying any attention to the rehearsal, certainly not to anything Jungkook’s face was doing behind the drums. 

“Yeah but–”

“No one cares what his fucking face does,” Soyoon agreed with him. “They care whether he nails that tricky rhythm.”

“Thank you–”

“If he looks like a muppet, so what?”

Jungkook’s grateful grin slid into a scowl. Soyoon smiled. 

Yoongi’s voice sounded equally as deceptively supportive as he suggested, “Maybe more like a tarsier.”

“I was thinking tree frog,” Taehyung called over. 

“You’re all fucking assholes,” Jungkook huffed and did a run on the drums as loud as he could as punishment. They were unfortunately unbothered. As unbothered as they should have been about whatever concentration face he made as he drummed. They had no idea the coordination and focus it required! 

“Don’t listen to them,” Hoseok insisted as soon as the cacophony died down. “You’re handsome no matter what face you make, that’s why they’re being like that. They’re jealous. You look so cool when you drum, you’re stealing the show.”

It was too over the top. Jungkook sighed and let his head hang as his friends got their laughs out. 

“What? What did I say?” Hoseok mumbled as Jimin patted his arm and shushed him. Hoseok was the only one of their group to say something like that and mean it sincerely, but no one could take it seriously. Alas.

“Let’s just take it from the top,” Yoongi said. “Last song of the night and I’m out.”

“Out? Why out? We’re performing this weekend,” Taro instantly argued. Jungkook saw the twitch of Yoongi’s lips, only the faintest sign he ever showed that he was annoyed.

“Yeah, so we had the extra rehearsal.”

“I just want us to do well,” Taro insisted. “This isn’t a normal performance. It’s a competition.”

Jungkook couldn’t help the snicker, “For Aughts Coverbands. It’s not that deep, Taro, you don’t have to be a bitch about my face.”

“Gee, can’t imagine why you can’t get laid lately.”

“The fuck do you know about it? I can get laid whenever I–” Jungkook sputtered. Really? She had to say that right in front of Corri?!

Soyoon sighed noisily, “We all know you want to win, we all know Junky can get laid, can we just do it already?” God he hated that nickname, if anyone besides Soyoon called him that he’d lose his shit, but somehow she’d always been able to use it as a hook to draw him back. He rolled his eyes at her, as expected, and she grinned and thumbed a line on the bass.

“Winning is fun,” Taro huffed. “I thought at least Jungkook would agree with me.”

“You’re talking shit about my face! We aren’t going to lose because of my face!”

“Only when you purse your lips like that.”

“I’m just concentrating.”

“You’re supposed to make it look effortless.”

“You wanna drum?” he asked, standing from the stool and holding the sticks out. She rolled her eyes and looked away. She’d once tried to pick it up and failed miserable, she lacked the coordination and muscle for it. And Jungkook had taken the high road and not teased her (too bad) about it. Her inability to play any instrument didn’t matter; she was a kickass lead vocalist and frontwoman, even though she sucked before any performance she deemed important. Yeah, Jungkook wanted to do well in a competition, obviously, but it wasn’t supposed to be a source of stress. They were a mostly-covers band, not some music act out to change the world. It was just supposed to be fun. Jungkook had managed to calm down the hyper-competitive streak of his younger days and wasn’t interested in getting all wrapped up in it again. 

“I’m just trying to help you get laid,” she mumbled.

“Why are you so worried whether he’s getting laid?” Taehyung asked, just as loudly as before, as if Corri hadn’t already heard all of this. Corri, one of the women uninterested in laying him despite their past lays.

“I’m not. I just think he seems frustrated.”

“Yeah because our vocalist keeps talking shit about my concentration face.”

Yoongi started to play the chorus, a not-so-subtle sign he was bored with the bickering banter. 

“Yeah I’m frustrated but not about… whatever, just play the song,” Jungkook huffed. Corri’s obvious avoidance of looking in his direction suddenly embarrassed him, when he usually could shrug off teasing no problem. He didn’t care that Corri didn’t want to fuck anymore, it wasn’t like they had been a thing, it just was embarrassing for someone you weren’t a thing with to tell you they wanted to be even less of a thing… Suddenly he wondered if Corri and Taro had been talking about him….

Before anyone (Taro) could escalate further, Soyoon scolded, “Elizabeth. Sing the damn song so I’m not late to teaching.”

Taro —real name Elizabeth– scowled in Soyoon’s direction this time and Jungkook settled back onto his stool. He flexed his fingers and cracked his neck to get ready for the final run-through of all three songs they would play at the competition: “Misery Business” by Paramore, “All Around You” by Flyleaf, and “The Real Mothers” by Screaming Females. Jungkook could have done without Flyleaf but Taro had gotten to choose the final song after a cutthroat tournament of rock-paper-scissors. Granted, Jungkook would have preferred to cover at least one male-led song, but he wasn’t going to go there. 

Instead he did his best to keep his face neutral and un-pinched as he played, his best effort to be above reproach. Yoongi was who he cared more about impressing though; Taro was a great vocalist but when it came to musical talent, Yoongi was their lead with Soyoon not far behind. The two of them wrote and composed all their original stuff and did the arrangements for their covers. The two of them could have gone pro, really, but they had their reasons for being in this hobby band, just like Taro did, just like Jungkook did. 

Fun. It was all supposed to be fun. 

Usually he liked rehearsal, but Taro was right about one tiny thing: he was frustrated. But it wasn’t about sex! Or at least not about his sex. It was about a particular video sitting on his phone that he had no fucking clue what to do about. He had hoped to ask Yoongi what he thought but then felt stupid about it as they kicked off rehearsal and there wasn’t any time afterwards. As soon as the set was done, Soyoon and Yoongi both split for their evening gigs. 

Taro’s face went through a tornado of emotions before she finally put her hands on Jungkook’s shoulders and said, “Sorry. Your face is fine. I just want us to look good but I didn’t mean to be a dick about it.”

“Whoever you have coming to the show isn’t going to fuck or not fuck you because of what my face does.”

She growled, “Come on, I apologized. Don’t be a shit.” But it was allowed. That’s how things were between them, had been for the ten years they’d known each other since their first pick up performances as teens, back when she was just Beth and not the artist known as Taro. He grinned and she pinched his cheek and that was the end of it; she and Corri disappeared with only a backward wave.

Jungkook expected to be on his own for the last bit of cleanup but Jimin and Taehyung and Hoseok shuffled around the garage helping with it. They’d done their best to waterproof the garage but after a leak had come a little too close to an amp, Jungkook was too nervous to leave anything of value on the ground ever again. He’d built a shaky wooden platform for his kit, made sure all the cables and amps were on shelves and hooks against the windowless wall, and kept the other instruments inside the house. Yoongi’s garage had been nicer and at the top of a hill but after his neighbors called the cops on them twice, they’d moved to Jungkook’s garage. His neighbors didn’t give a shit; everyone was noisy here. They usually played with the door open anyways because it got hot as fuck in there with only a couple fans and sometimes people would sit out on their porches to listen. Jimin had the great idea of adding an air conditioner but with what fucking money? Someday. Maybe with the prize money if they won the competition! The 2000s were the worst decade of music as far as Jungkook was concerned, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t win…

He felt the stirrings of ambition and squashed it.

“Paramore and Flyleaf,” he mumbled as Jimin and Taehyung sang lyrics over each other while they looped cables. 

“What’s wrong with Paramore?” Hoseok asked. “Besides that you’re too young to remember them.”

“I’m not too young. I remember “Ain’t It Fun,” that album. And I remember these songs! I like them. The drumming is good, and they’re good for Taro’s voice.”

“But… you’d rather be playing something else?”

“I just don’t like the competitions,” he admitted. “I’d rather be doing our usual set for our usual stage. No stress, no worries–”

“Yeah you don’t like it because you’re a sleeping competitive asshole,” Jimin snickered.

Jungkook looked around for anything left down as he demanded, “What does that mean, sleeping?”

“It means you want everything to think you’re chill. Surfer life, ya?” Jimin teased, making two shaka gestures. His mockery was idiotic considering he surfed almost as much as Jungkook did, although he hadn’t gone as much lately. Work. “We’ve known you too long. We know you like to crush the competition.”

“Nah, man, that’s not me anymore.”

Jimin and Taehyung shared a look. Jungkook backhanded Taehyung in the stomach because he was closest, then motioned for them to get out so he could drag the garage door closed. The clicker had been broken for a while and every time one of them tried to fix it, it just broke again. Handymen they were not despite their best efforts, Jungkook in particular. He just didn’t have the knack for it, so he was learning, that was all. Their landlord didn’t have to be such a shitbag about his attempts gone awry. If he’d just call the fucking plumber or contractor or whatever it was on time, Jungkook wouldn’t have to take matters into his own hands! Or worse, Taehyung or Jimin went after it. 

“What are we doing for dinner?” Taehyung asked as they kicked their shoes off by the back door. Jungkook ignored the question, assuming it was intended for Jimin or Hoseok, or at least not him. Briefly looking at his phone with the thought of delivery –followed by the painful reminder of his bank account– nudged his attention back to the video. The video. The one currently living in the Recently Deleted folder on his phone, chilling in limbo for 30 days until he either restored it or let his phone delete it for good. He felt no closer to making a decision on what to do with it. Forget he knew this and let it disappear? Give it to Mrs. Birch because she deserved to know she was married to an epic dipshit? 

“JK?” 

“Yeah episode four, I don’t know.”

“Huh?”

“Are we talking about what to watch?”

“What show are you even talking about?” Jimin laughed at him. “We’re talking about food! Dinner!”

“Oh. Uh…”

Taehyung snickered and nudged him with an elbow as he passed through the door, “He’s thinking about the video.”

“Grossss.”

“I’m not— I’m not thinking about the video,” Jungkook argued. It was a lie; they could tell it was a lie. He didn’t appreciate their joke of making it sound like he was thinking-thinking about it, rather than stressing about it. Stressing wasn’t his style.

“Just delete it, man,” Taehyung said. “You don’t need some guy’s nut on your phone. No offense to the gays in the room.”

“None taken, I don’t want some asshole’s nut on my phone either,” Jimin snickered.

“Yeah but….” 

Jimin, still grinning, countered, “Stop being a puss and just tell the wife what you found. She deserves to know and once she’s done being heartbroken, she’ll appreciate it,” Jimin countered. “Maybe a lot.” He wiggled his eyebrows. Jungkook deeply regretted having drunkenly shared a Mrs. Birch fantasy with Jimin just one time, which Jimin would now never ever forget.

Their “advice” was too much like teasing. It didn’t feel serious and had already put him in a bad mood when they first acted like this when he told them yesterday. Not everything was a joke. He wanted to live like that too, sure! But he had a real moral conflict here and he didn’t appreciate them making it sound like he was getting some kind of sick pleasure –either out of having a fucking porn video of that spaghetti-dick Tim or of hoping to get into Mrs. Birch’s good graces as a hero. He didn’t feel like this was heroic. He felt like a fucking creep to have taken it in the first place. He felt like it was infecting his phone. He felt like he was holding a bomb that was going to blow up a marriage and really hurt a good person. 

Not that he really knew her and whether she was a good person. For all he knew she had Nice White Lady Syndrome for “the Help” and was an entitled privileged bitch elsewhere. She’d married that fucker, after all, so she had to be like into that kind of guy and lifestyle and all that. Maybe she had her side pieces too, for all he knew! And it just wasn’t him! He didn’t want to insert himself into what could be a really sick, fucked up marriage.

“What if the dude comes after me?” he mused. He flopped down on the couch, instantly comforted by the broken-in cushion that nearly swallowed him. “He could get me fired. Sue me. Ruin my life. I dunno.”

“For exposing his cheating?” Taehyung’s face crinkled up. “Then we fuck him up.”

“He’s rich.”

Jimin tapped his chin and pointed out, “Ah, it’s true, it probably wasn’t legal for you to take that video, right?”

“Huh?”

“You filmed a guy having sex in his own house,” Jimin said. “I just mean… having the video is probably a risk. You should either pass it along or get rid of it, but only if you know the wife won’t turn on you. Rich people… you gotta be careful with them.”

“She…” Jungkook started to say she wouldn’t… but he didn’t know. He didn’t actually know her at all. And now Jimin and Taehyung were making him more scared than guilty. He couldn’t get sued. He didn’t have money! He didn’t have time for court. And his family wouldn’t be able to handle the shame. Who would watch Max when Yoojin got called into work without warning? Who would help his dad set up literally any new electronic device or go grocery shopping with his mom so she didn’t have to carry all the bags into the house because Yoojin was busy with Max and his dad worked a lot and Haewon didn’t live at home anymore? His parents needed him more than ever now, he couldn’t go to jail just because he was trying to do something “good” for a woman he didn’t even know! A thing she probably wouldn’t even appreciate!

He turned to Hoseok, hoping for some meaningful insight from him. Hoseok was a few years older and easily the most mature, experienced person in the house right now. Aside from his choice in dating Jimin, he tended to demonstrate good taste and clear judgment. Jimin and Taehyung could be hit or miss on their advice but Hoseok had a knack for people. Jungkook rebelled at their stirring of the pot, making him so nervous. He wasn’t a nervous guy. There had to be an easy, simple solution.

But Hoseok, who hadn’t said a word this whole time, nor when Jungkook first stupidly told these guys about the video two days ago, just read from his phone, “Kalasha is doing a free delivery special to celebrate the new restaurant. Chicken? Egg sandwiches?”

“Yeah, chicken!” Taehyung quickly agreed. Jungkook understood: they were done talking about this, and he sure wasn’t going to be the needy baby demanding more advice that he didn’t even appreciate. He was both relieved and annoyed. This was his mess. He had to figure this out on his own. But he could have used some good advice.

“Egg sandwich,” he said. “Is there one with chicken too? I’m gonna hit the gym later tonight and surf in the morning so I need that protein, yo!” There, Jungkook back to himself, and his friends readily accepted it. 

The crash of the waves against the shore drowned out all else. Early mornings had a cool humidity to them, leaving a cold sweaty feeling on Jungkook’s skin, his hair wild and crunchy from the salt. The warm water lapped his ankles, sand sucking out from beneath his toes as the water swirled and then retreated, only to be overrun by the next impatient wave. It was a beautiful morning to be out, perfect surf conditions, beach not yet overrun by the tourists who would flock here once they’d finished their brunch and mimosas at the nearby resort.

Jungkook shook the wet hair out of his face and closed his eyes for a moment to enjoy the breeze off the water. The scent of salt and fish, sharp and pungent, was home to him. He breathed in deeply and tried to let everything else in the world sift from his mind. That was the beauty of surfing, it took all of you, for a brief time you were nothing but a fleck of energy carried by the water. That was what he liked about drumming too. He liked things that consumed him.

Surfing early in the morning had many advantages, when the tide worked out. Nice weather. Quieter beach. Fewer rookies. 

“How’s the break, bro?” Carver asked, coming up behind and slapping him on the shoulder. Jungkook saw Missy trailing further up the beach, board perched on her head. He took his eyes off Hoseok only for a second to answer,

“Yeah, bomb breaks today.” He slapped Carver’s back in return. “You’re late for dawn patrol though, eh?”

Carver rolled his eyes, “Someone couldn’t get out of bed this morning.” He jerked his thumb at Missy. Jungkook’s eyebrows raised but he said nothing, knowing he’d be awkward. Carver and Missy had been dating a year now or something like it, and for at least a year before that Carver had trailed along behind her like a lovesick dickhead while Missy didn’t have the time of day for him. Jungkook had spent many a daybreak catching waves with her but she’d seemed unbothered by any of his attempts at flirting –until suddenly one day she took a liking to Carver and now they stayed up all night fucking so she couldn’t make it to the beach on time. Jungkook hated that he knew that. He was fine that she’d never given him a chance but he was bummed to see less of two people he enjoyed. 

And also that they were just so happy together.

Fuck, he just knew too much about other people’s fuck lives without having one of his own to occupy his thoughts.

He gave a wave to Missy and headed out to the water just as Hoseok slid smoothly onto the beach. He sure didn’t let his bedmate keep him from catching those early breaks under the first streaks of light. His hair spiked and his smile glowed as he took those first heavy steps off the board and then immediately turned around to drag it back into the water a few yards behind Jungkook.

“I’ve only got time for one more,” he called, voice swallowed by the surf but Jungkook still heard and remembered he’d said that earlier, he had an earlier shift as a manager at the resort. It was a really demanding job, and he busted his ass. But he was still here! Unlike Taehyung. Jimin was practically a hodad at this point anyway so it didn’t really matter if he was here since he just distracted Hoseok anyway.

Jungkook walked until he had to glide and paddle. The sun was steadily heating up on his back but the water felt cool by comparison, drenching the thin fabric of his rash guard. He kept his eyes on the horizon where sea birds flitted and landed, and a couple fishing boats in the distance seemed to hover. Greenish fish darted beneath the shadow of his board. A shadow of a cloud passed over but otherwise the sky was clear and would no doubt be scorching later. Work was going to be hot today. He had three pools to clean, and then had promised Yoojin he’d take Max in the evening. She was being cagey as shit about why she needed the sitting, which probably meant she had a date and she knew very well how Jungkook felt about that. Yoojin’s taste in men was as shitty as her cooking. Max was the only good thing her ex had ever done in his life, and he wasn’t even still involved except for an occasional miniscule child-support check.

When he got far enough out, he straddled the board and waited as first one and then a second mushburger made him bob. Too gentle to ride. Sitting in the lull was peaceful though and gave Hoseok time to catch up. Jungkook breathed the breeze and watched his friend sit up several yards away. As the first one out, Jungkook had wave priority, but he knew Hoseok had somewhere to be.

“You want the next one?” he called.

“Nah bro, you’re first!”

“I can wait. I’m floating.”

“No no it’s fine, you first.”

“Eh…” Jungkook sighed as a totally surfable swell raised beneath them. Neither of them took it, just watched as it peeled. “Damn, would’ve been perfect.”

“Take it,” Hoseok insisted. “I can chill.”

Jungkook briefly considered it. Felt his muscles tense as another swell began to rise behind him. But being out here was soothing, and he felt tendrils dragging at his mind again that he wasn’t willing to face once he went back to shore. Out here he was nothing, nobody, just a piece of driftwood on the sea. Back on land, he had a job to do. The Birch pool was on his roster today, and he was no closer to figuring out what to do with the video in his trash folder. He closed his eyes and let his head fall back as the wave once again passed them and broke.

“Bro,” Hoseok called. “You ok?”

“What do I do about that video, man?” Jungkook sighed, shouting to be heard over the distance. “I just don’t know… I gotta face her today and what, know her husband is fucking around and that she probably doesn’t know? But damn I don’t want to be tied up in some rich person bullshit…”

Hoseok shook his head, “Yeah, you can’t get into that shit. Richies will rip you up, they don’t give a shit you were trying to do a good thing.” Of course, Hoseok saw lots of shitty rich people in his resort job. Jungkook had briefly worked there as a cabana boy too. He remembered. Oh boy, did he remember.

“Yeah but…” Jungkook sighed. They were all right. He knew they were right, and his family would give the same advice if he asked –which he wouldn’t, because he would never talk to his family about personal problems like that. They had enough of their own and he was the eldest now so it was his job to help them. 

But he also just had this painful twist in his stomach at the idea of Mrs. Birch being married to that piece of shit. Probably the fucker was going to catch something and give it to her and that’s how she’d fine out. He’d get some other chick pregnant. She’d walk in on it and be traumatized. Maybe she was secretly as shitty as the rest but if she wasn’t, didn’t she deserve to know the kind of man she married? Since apparently she hadn’t already figured it out on her own? But it wasn’t Jungkook’s job to tell her…

“I see that look,” Hoseok laughed, splashing Jungkook to get his attention. “You want to do it. That’s why I don’t like to give you advice. You just do what you’re going to do anyway.”

“The thing is, I would want to know,” Jungkook said.

“You aren’t her. You should be worried about yourself. She doesn’t care about you.”

It hurt to hear. It was true. He didn’t like to hear it but appreciated the honesty.

“I know but… otherwise what, I keep cleaning their pool and keep knowing and don’t say anything? That’s not who I am. I want to be an honest person no matter what.”

“No matter what,” Hoseok laughed. “It’s admirable but sometimes not the best.”

Jungkook let out a noisy sigh. 

And then had an idea.

“What if it’s not me that tells her?” he said, slowly turning his board after it drifted. “What if I just give her the video anonymously? Then she knows but no one knows it’s me.”

Hoseok’s face screwed up, “How would you even do that?”

“Burn a dvd. Leave it in her mailbox?”

“They probably have cameras all over the place. Or they’ll data mine the DVD or whatever…”

But Jungkook was onto something and he knew it. Fine, a USB stick, and he didn’t think it had to be that secure because he hadn’t seen anything that made him think either of the Birchs was that technically smart and they were going to have bigger things to worry about anyway, right? Like divorce. Divorce that would bring that piece of rich-ass shit to his dry, wrinkled knees.

“Nah bro, this will work!” Jungkook beamed. He felt an instant lightness swell within him that had nothing to do with the lift of another wave beneath the board. “Ya, ok, it’s a plan. Let’s get it!”

“Wait, but JK–”

“I’m taking this one!” he called, ignoring Hoseok’s concerns. There was no good path forward but this was the best one. Probably Mrs. Birch would be hurt but at least no one could trace it to him and he wouldn’t have to admit to her he’d been the one to record it and no one could sue him for what pennies he had to his name.

He caught the next wave, leaping to his feet at the lip of it as he drew in a deep, joyful breath. This was the best part. Flying. Adrenaline coursed through his body, just the right amount to make him feel like a beam of sunlight, the rough board beneath his feet the only thing left to ground him as he cut his board across clear water that sprayed in his face. No barrels big enough to pull into this morning but the drop left his heart thumping in his chest and his head spinning. Nothing beat the high of a bitchin’ ride. 

Suddenly the wave closed out, sending Jungkook tumbling into the water. The slap to his chest left him winded but he surfaced only a moment after his board bobbed, tugging his ankle by the leash. He flipped his hair back and lifted his face to the sun as he swiped the salt water from his eyes. Didn’t matter that he’d grubbed it, the ride had been excellent until then. Grubbing it was just part of the game.

With a lighter heart and a clear mind, Jungkook sloshed his way to shore to put his plan into action.

The orange envelope was on the front porch when she got home that day, tucked between the storm door and the wooden door as if the mailman had dropped it off. They often did that, even though Tim had built a big stupid UV box for packages. She couldn’t blame the mailmen for not wanting to open the lid of a heavy-looking mysterious box just to leave her latest pantry tupperware from Amazon or Tim’s Razor of the Month club or whatever, despite the insistent sign. She tried to always be the one to bring the mail in so she wouldn’t have to listen to Tim rail about packages left on the ground. He worried about that kind of thing. He thought he was the kind of person important enough for someone to send Anthrax to in the mail.

She’d grabbed the envelope on her way out to get the mail from the box, and tossed it all onto the kitchen counter since Tim was out of town and not here to gripe at her for even briefly making a mess.

“It’s unfair of me to be so critical towards him,” she scolded herself as she looked in the fridge to see what the personal chef had left her for dinner. Tim had actually been very pleasant lately. He’d finally agreed they ought to redecorate the bedroom (as long as it stayed white and gray), praised the dinner she made on a day the chef didn’t come, greeted her with daiquiris after she’d been swimming and asked her about her day as he untied the strings of her bikini. 

Look, she knew those things shuffled over a low bar when listed out of context. But the context was that he’d been working hard and stressed for a while now. The latest acquisition was so close to signing and he was sweating it but the fact he was making an effort even in the midst of that meant a lot to her. It reassured her that once they were to the other side of this period of work, things were going to even out again. Tim would go back to being a bit less of a cranky asshole. She would go back to feeling less resentful, a little more charitable about the moodswings of her hard-working husband who was doing his best to succeed in a cutthroat industry. He wanted to make a name for himself beyond what his own father had accomplished. She admired that.

While the oven preheated, she flipped through the mail, mostly junk. When she got to the envelope though, she realized it was just addressed to Mrs. Birch, no mailing address, no stamp.

Her first thought was that a friend must have dropped something off for her, only to instantly consider it would be really weird for them to address it to Mrs. Birch. None of her friends called her that. 

A client? But she never gave her personal address to anyone she worked for, there was no need for it anyway, she just had things mailed to the office space she kept.

Maybe she had forgotten something somewhere? Her license would have her name and address on it, but the salutation of Mrs. would be odd because how would the person know she was married? Unless she dropped something and they googled her? Her address was supposed to be unlisted but people had ways of searching public records.

She tore the end of the envelope open and out tumbled a CD in a jewel case. Her brow furrowed. Certainly not something she owned and left somewhere. Nothing was printed on the CD. She checked inside the envelope for any evidence of marketing material and found a folded piece of paper with a printed sentence:

Your husband is not who you think he is. He’s a fucking asshole.

Grace’s blood ran cold. 

Tim’s involved with something bad. That felt like the immediate and obvious thing. Tim worked in business and he was constantly trying to get ahead, always working upstream and feeling behind. It made sense that he might have taken what looked like help in a moment of difficulty and wound up in over his head with something. Or someone. He could be short-sighted, she’d always secretly thought that about him.

“Oh god please don’t let it be something illegal,” she murmured, hand shaking as she turned the CD over in her hand. Just how bad could it be? Extortion? Money-laundering? Murder? No. No, Tim wasn’t capable of murdering someone, what a ridiculous thought.

But dirty business, with the confidence he wouldn’t be caught….?

The fact was that in the moment, at just one sentence prompt from a mysterious source, Grace’s trust in her husband tumbled like a tower of toothpicks. Instead of debating who would be out to malign her husband, Grace fretted whether this CD was safe for her to look at, or if simply by seeing whatever was on here, she might become an accomplice. What if he’d already done things to implicate her? 

Grace was not going to prison for Tim!

Her heart pounded in her chest so painfully she felt like she couldn’t breathe. She set the CD quickly down on the counter and backed away, already contemplating whether she ought to wipe her fingerprints off. But no, no, it would make sense she opened an envelope addressed to herself. It didn’t mean she’d committed any crime–

And this didn’t mean Tim had either! She leaned against the counter and pressed her hand to her forehead.

Fuck, I’m a bad wife.

This was Tim, for fuck’s sake. He could be an asshole, the anonymous sender was right about that, but it didn’t mean he was doing anything illegal or dangerous or immoral. Probably this was some business thing, some colleague of his pissed about a move he’d made and trying to undermine him starting at home. 

…But what if it wasn’t?!

Grace’s family had been in possession of significant money for several generations. Old money. 19th century American money funded by 18th century European money. She’d been raised with warnings and stories, not paranoia but awareness that sometimes the presence of money made people think you were an easy victim. Maybe Tim wasn’t the target here, maybe she was. 

She grabbed her phone and placed a call and after only a few rings heard her father’s deep voice over the line, greeting, “Grace? What’s up, honeybell?”

“Hi Daddy, there’s a thing… it’s making me nervous so I wanted to ask…” She trailed off, realizing immediately how stupid she sounded. She should have pulled her thoughts together before calling.

“What’s the matter now? Something is what?” She could tell he was distracted over the line. Mid-day like this, he was probably out golfing, or at least at a friend’s house for the afternoon. Her dad was a creature of habit, an introvert who’d carved his safe places out over the decades they’d lived in Winnetka, Illinois. His days were predictable. 

“Sorry, Dad, I just got spooked. Someone left a weird envelope at my house with a CD and–”

“Wait, who did what now?” he interrupted. Grace felt the shudder across her shoulders at that tone in her father’s voice, even knowing it wasn’t aimed at her. He’d been casual before but pulled himself into lawyer mode in only an instant.

“I’m just being silly,” she began. That’s what her mother would say. Calling her dad, interrupting his afternoon plans, because someone left a CD on her porch and she was freaked even though she didn’t even know what was on it.

“Someone left something on your porch? What did they leave?”

“I don’t know, a CD and a printed note that says, um…” She grimaced. “It says my husband isn’t who I think he is.”

The line was silent for a moment. Grace’s father had grown to love Tim. He’d be pissed at slander aimed her husband’s direction. He’d be furious about baseless accusations.  

“You know who sent it? You know what’s on it?”

“No,” Grace said. “I called you right away.”

“Is Tim there?”

“He’s out of town.”

“All right, Grace, don’t touch a thing. Call Alan. Don’t do anything until Alan is there.”

Grace nodded as if he could see her and mused, “I don’t know whether I should call Tim. Maybe he has an idea–”

“Do not call Tim,” he interrupted. “Only Alan. Don’t talk to anyone else. He’ll bring a secure computer over to look at what’s on the CD and after that I want you to check into a hotel until this gets figured out. This person knows where you live and that your husband isn’t home–”

“So you think it’s something bad?”

“Well you do, don’t you, sweetheart? Calling me sounding like you’re having a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry, I know I’m probably overreacting–”

“No such thing with our family.”

“But it’s not like Tim is actually a bad man. The CD is probably just… I don’t know. Something stupid. Someone’s just angry at him for something…”

Grace wanted to hear her dad agree that she was overreacting. His serious response escalated her fears. She’d wanted to be talked off the ledge and instead he was calling in a SWAT team and helicopter rescue.  

“Do as I say, Grace. Call Alan now and tell me when he’s there.”

Spooked, Grace did as he said. Within thirty minutes, Alan Theodorakos stood on her doorstep straightening his cuffs and adjusting his hair in the reflection of the one-sided mirror where a window used to be in the door. One of the family’s many lawyers, Alan had worked for Grace’s parents for many years before she moved to California; now, because of proximity, he’d served as Grace’s own legal counsel any time she’d needed it, even if just to oversee her affairs with specialized attorneys such as when she’d married and when they’d bought their house. Her father was a lawyer too, of course, but financial, and he never directly handled family matters himself anyway.

“Where is the CD?” he immediately asked when Grace welcomed him in. 

“I left it on the kitchen counter.” She showed him where the jewel case lay next to the printed note and the torn envelope, her name side up. Alan took a photo of all of it and Grace felt that tremor in her stomach again. If everyone was taking this so seriously, maybe she wasn’t taking it seriously enough!

Alan had with him a laptop, just as her dad had said he would. They made only the most polite small-talk as he set it up and, with gloves, removed the CD from the case and inserted it into the tray. Grace wrapped her arms around herself and paced back and forth, afraid to look, unable to look away. 

“It’s probably nothing,” she said to herself as much as to him. “I’m probably wasting your time, it’s just some disgruntled admin assistant or something…”

Alan didn’t have anything to say to that except, “Nothing is ever a waste of my time.” Because your family pays well, he didn’t need to say. Yes she’d wanted financial independence from her family, but legal counsel was one thing she let them fund, so sue me. Except don’t, please….

“It looks like there’s a video file,” Alan said, opening the CD. The filename was automated, generic. He double-clicked to pull it up and Grace held her breath, bracing herself for something. Perhaps her imagination was running away with her –this was very impractical, yes, when she usually prided herself on being a practical person– but her dad and Alan had her fearing the worst now. Kidnapping, torture, murder. At least a secret meeting discussing some money-laundering scheme that was going to land her in court for weeks defending her oblivious innocence as Tim’s spouse. I’m sorry, your honor, I’m a fool but I’m innocent.

“Let’s see,” Alan said and hit play.

And this was how Grace wound up watching a video of her husband fucking another woman while standing next to her father’s lawyer. 

Grace’s mouth hung open. Somehow she was shocked, even when the deepest part of her brain taunted her for being so surprised. It was recent; she saw the blue flower arrangement on the kitchen counter without even needing a time stamp. She didn’t recognize the woman, but she was young and beautiful and not Grace.

“I can stop the video,” Alan murmured, reaching forward but Grace brushed his hand away. She stared, eyes glued to the screen as her heart shattered. Or her mind. Something inside of her shattered.

Every criticism, every fight, every distracted dinner and missed date and complete lack of concern for anything she cared about flew in her face now. She’d loved Tim to distraction, even when he was unfair, even when he was unkind, even when he’d been a nobody before. And now he was doing this behind her back, as if she was nothing to him! In their own home! On her own fucking kitchen counter?! 

She wanted to scream. She wanted to sob. But her upbringing trained her better than that. She turned a tight-lipped grimace to Alan and said,

“It turns out this is a private affair.” Affair. Terrible choice of words.

“Indeed,” Alan nodded. “I can provide legal counsel however you’d like to proceed.”

“For now I just need discretion…” How would she like to proceed…. Grace couldn’t fucking answer that! She still was having a hard time processing that Tim was fucking around on her. Tim! Tim, who was so focused on work and deals and dollar signs that he barely had time for her anymore, much less…. Except apparently he did!

“What would you like me to say to your father?” Alan prodded. 

Grace grimaced. There was no good answer. Her father paid Alan’s bills but he was here as her legal counsel. But if Alan gave her father a non-answer, he’d be calling her up for direct answers within minutes.

“I’ll call him,” she said, just to buy herself time. What was she going to say? It’s a private matter between Tim and I. Might as well put up a sign on the front lawn that her husband was cheating on her. And to admit that to her family! She couldn’t. There were exactly zero divorces in her family. If there had ever been infidelity, she sure didn’t know about it. A marriage was for life, and it was her job to make this marriage worked, even in the face of infidelity, especially after she’d defended this relationship so hard in the face of her family’s early concerns. God, they were going to think she was worse than an idiot!

“Very well.” Alan packed the CD back into the jewel case to leave with her, took his laptop, and bid her good day. With another offer to provide whatever help she needed, he was gone.

Grace stood alone in her kitchen and tried to make sense of this. Tim cheating. Someone filming it from within her property. Someone sending it for her to find. Some explanation she needed to give her father. A very painful conversation she needed to have with Tim without any understanding yet of what she wanted to have happen. Did she want him to grovel and apologize? Did she want the shame of being divorced and cheated on? What would her family say if she left? What would her family say if she stayed?

Grace sank down to the mat in front of the sink and tried to cry but she just felt numb. This couldn’t be real. She’d so carefully managed her life up until now. She had thought Tim was right there in the seat next to her. What was happening?!

In a brief moment of gumption, Grace called her dad and, before he could say a word, blurted out, “It turns out it’s a private matter between Tim and I. I’d rather not talk about it yet. Please don’t tell anyone else yet.” It was an impossible thing to ask, but she decided she’d try. 

A pause had her heart in her throat. She felt like so much hung in the balance: would her father defend her dignity or her marriage?

“Why don’t you and Tim come for a visit? I’d like to spend an afternoon golfing with him, man to man.”

Her marriage.

Grace said a quick goodbye before any pained sobs could escape, let her face drop to her bent knees, and tried to squeeze the tears back in. Like everything else in her life, it seemed, she failed.

The days were long this week in a way Jungkook didn’t like, but he’d picked up the extra lifeguarding hours because he needed the money. Haewon needed textbooks and that shit was expensive so he’d told her to ask him instead of their parents and then demanded to know why she wanted to be a lawyer so bad anyway. Political Science. Boring as fuck, he couldn’t believe how much money they were paying for her to be a leech. She always screeched at him when he teased her about it. He just wanted to keep her humble, that’s why he teased.

It had been hot as balls on the beach that morning and he’d been stuck near the wharf which sucked swamp ass because you had to actually do stuff: namely, chase people away when they swam too close to the pillars. Which everyone wanted to do, because there was shade, and just blowing your whistle wasn’t enough because suddenly people “couldn’t hear you” and “didn’t know the whistle meant they were doing something wrong.” So you had to drag your ass all the way over to yell at them, and then by the time you got back up to your chair, some other fucker was doing the same thing. Didn’t they look at the surf and the giant immovable objects and realize how easily the ocean could bash their puny brains out?! But if there was anything Jungkook had learned about tourists and teenagers both, it was that they had poor respect for the ocean. You had to respect the ocean. She was older and more powerful than you. Unconcerned with whether you lived or died. Sexy of her but annoying for lifeguards. 

He only had two pool cleans on his schedule today, which meant an easier afternoon before band practice tonight, so he should still have energy to fight with Taro about how they shouldn’t add more 00s rock to their regular set just because they’d managed to come in second place in that competition. The first pool was an easy job, and the second was the one he both looked forward to and dreaded the most: The Birches. 

This time last week, he’d chickened out dropping the envelope off, only to go back and do it later that day when the guilt ate at him. Now he wished he’d waited until the end of the season in two weeks so he wouldn’t have to see them again for a while; while most people kept their heated pools running year-round here, the Birches closed theirs at the end of summer so he was almost free of them. He’d never understood why. It was heated and this was southern Cali. He’d be swimming in that baby 365 days a year. 

But he’d dropped the envelope and sprinted away and today would be the first opportunity to see if the bomb he dropped had done any damage. It gave him a nervous twitch, because what if he’d done the wrong thing? What if they knew it was him? 

What if he was going to get arrested as soon as he showed up?!

Still he went, because he wasn’t someone to turn away from an unpleasant task, no matter how scary. And he needed to get paid. Maybe nobody would be there again, like last week…

The garage was closed but he glimpsed three cars through the windows after he’d parked in the driveway –Mr. Birch hated that. Well Jungkook hated douchebags who cheated on their wives. And walking further to get to the pool than he had to after lifeguarding all morning. 

The missing car was Mr. Birch’s. Jungkook felt his skin tingle but ignored it, uninterested in nerves. Instead he prepared himself to knock on the back door, per usual, so Mrs. Birch would know he was here and unfortunately not accidentally walk out in revealing clothing–

Except Mrs. Birch was in the pool. In the pool. Jungkook froze like a bank burglar just inside the pool gate as her faked-blonde head surfaced from the water. Her eyes remained closed as she pushed her hair back, water droplets spraying as she panted for breath, emphasizing her collarbones and long neck. 

Fuck. Fuck! Red alert! 

Jungkook just stared as she grabbed the edge of the pool to hold herself steady as she swiped the water from her face. She looked tired, out of breath, like she’d been swimming hard for a while, not just lounging around for a dip.

Is she the swimmer then? Jungkook didn’t find it surprising at all to learn this about her but it made him happy, like this somehow confirmed she was the good person he’d always thought she was. Of course she was the swimmer. They both loved the water. And damn did she look good doing it, even just bobbing there as she pushed her hair back from her shoulders. 

White bathing suit.

Jesus Christ, Jungkook was going to hit the deck. His brain attempted to save him without thinking through the consequences: he cleared his throat. It was rude. It was out of line. It wasn’t at all what he’d meant to do but someone had pulled the fire alarm in his head and that was the result. 

Mrs. Birch spun quickly to face him, clearly started, and gasped, “Oh! Shit!”

The fantasy that hadn’t even begun to spin yet –that she had done this on purpose for him– died in its cradle. 

“I’m so sorry, is it– are you early?” she asked. Her bare face looked at him with such surprise and alarm that he actually felt too bad to ogle her the way he wanted to. 

“Ah, um… I don’t… think so,” he mumbled. Actually he was later than usual but he didn’t want to argue with her. “I can come back later?” He couldn’t, it was already late afternoon. Well, he could. He would! If she wanted him to.

“No no, I’m sorry, let me get out of your way.” 

He watched with a semi he’d deny to his grave as she gracefully swam to the ladder and pulled herself up like a fucking centerfold. It was a one piece, he realized with no disappointment because the cutouts at the side showed smooth waist and water streamed down her bare shoulderblades and exposed back– but fuck he couldn’t tell if the tattoo was there or not, the bottom rose too high over her ass. She almost caught him staring when she turned to wrap the towel she’d set on the lounge chair, except his brain had leapt immediately to nipple patrol–

Fuck! He didn’t get a good look as his brain caught up with his stare and he immediately averted his eyes, leaving her to cover herself with the towel not under his blown-out gaze. Shit! He was around hot chicks in bathings suits all the time! Why now did his brain decide to run away….

“I completely lost track of time. Um…” She paused and then gestured to the pool with one hand as if to tell him to carry on, then fled into the house.

Jungkook just stood there for a moment. He’d never seen Mrs. Birch –or anyone for that matter– in the pool before, though legend said they used it, at least for parties sometimes. He felt a sense of pride now to know she really did, and that she looked so damn good in it. He sauntered to the edge to survey his work and felt his satisfaction grow further at the confirmation that he kept this pool in good shape. It looked great right now. He wouldn’t have to do much today, clean the filters, maybe nothing else. Now he felt bad to have chased her off. He could have done that while she kept swimming. He wouldn’t mind. 

Damn. He was going to be thinking about this for a long time.

White bathing suit, huh? 

He grabbed the outdoor trash and some gloves to get to work on the filters, in the hopes he could wrap it up quickly and she could slide right back in. But just as he was finishing up, she reappeared from the house in loose lounge clothes with her hair piled up on top of her head and a bamboo tray with his drink and snacks in her hands.

“You didn’t have to,” he called to her, “I won’t be long today. Pool looks good. Are you using it a lot lately?”

Her head tilted as she set the tray down and asked, “Yes, I’ve been out here every day lately. You can tell?”

It was mostly a lie as he shrugged, “If you’re swimming a lot, the motion sends the detritus into the filters. If no one’s swimming, it sits on top.” Detritus. Haewon had used that word a couple weeks ago and he’d latched onto it because it sounded more professional than shit.

“Oh, that makes sense.”

“Yeah?”

She glanced at the pool and he got the feeling something was bothering her. Which made sense, considering the whole bomb on her doorstep thing, now that his head had cleared enough to remember that. For a moment he thought she knew it was him and was going to ask him about it. Of course she’d figure it out, she seemed smart, or he’d missed something obvious in covering his tracks…

“Well I won’t bother you while you finish.”

“You’re not a bother,” he assured her. Her smile was small and didn’t reach her eyes as she turned to go. He reached for the drink out of obligation, because really he didn’t have anything more to do but he couldn’t just leave the things she’d brought for him sitting there. It felt unappreciative. Also it was free.

She must be hot in the long-sleeved lounge top, although the fabric was thin. The shorts rode high, showing off her thighs as she headed back towards the house. He realized she could see his reflection in the windows and squinted to look out over the pool as if he was lost in thought when she suddenly stopped walking, hand on the door. 

When she turned, arms sliding across to sort of hold herself, Jungkook felt that nervous flutter. Oh no. Busted staring at her ass. Caught. He felt like a kid again, he’d fucked up and it was time to get in trouble. He gave into the urgent need to have his hands full, so he popped open the bag of chips and shoveled a handful into his mouth as she came back.

“Hey,” she said, voice softer and less certain than he’d ever heard her before. Her whole body seemed to curl in on itself miserably, a far cry from the way she’d pushed up from the pool half an hour ago. “I just wanted to ask you– when you were here last time, did you happen to see anyone drop off something? On my front porch?”

His eyes went wide. He chomped down, accidentally getting his cheek too, and cursed as he pressed his finger to the outside of it. She just watched him and he realized with a burst of paranoia how fucking guilty he looked. He sucked at lying. He was terrible at lying, especially when he really was guilty as shit!

“Oh, um…” he fumbled, swallowing the Cheetos down and licking the residue off his finger. He licked his lips nervously, feeling like there was orange powder there too. “From back here? What package?” Playing stupid was better than outright lying, even if saying he’d seen someone else do it would probably do a better job of getting him out of the hot seat. 

She shifted her weight and chewed on the inside of her cheek, exactly where he’d just accidentally bitten on his own, and this similarity sent another wave of guilt rolling over him. He was lying to her. Fuck. Was he any better than Mr. Birch?! Shitothy Smirch? Eh, not his best work for taunting names….

“Ok, if you didn’t see anything… I just thought…” A cascade of emotions crossed her face, so raw and unpoised compared to the normally polite and neutral look she had with him, that Jungkook felt himself chipping further apart. She looked miserable, her face even redder than it had been just getting out of the pool. “Someone left an orange envelope for me,” she said. Fuck, were her eyes watering?!!? “I don’t know who but I’m trying to find out who so I can talk to them about it before–”

“It was me,” he blurted out as he suddenly realized how fucking scary this must be for her. “I left the envelope and I’m really sorry–”

He cut off as Mrs. Birch started to cry. Not quite burst into tears the way he might have expected, but she drew in a shaky breath and the tears he’d suspected managed to sneak out and she pressed her hands to her face.

The impulse to reach for her was hard to deny but he did. Obviously he couldn’t touch this woman he barely knew and whose marriage he’d just exposed as a sham. Plus he had Cheeto dust on his fingers and her clothes were light colored. He’d done enough already! It would be wrong! But it was hard to watch her upset and not comfort her.

“I’m sorry,” he said again in desperation. “I swear I’m not trying be a dick or anything, I just thought you should know.”

He saw her draw air in like strength and push her hands back through her hair, fortifying herself, before demanding with a strong expression that didn’t match the tears on her cheek, “So you filmed it and left an anonymous package on my porch?”

He pulled back, defenses instantly activated. Fuck. Had he misjudged? Had she already known? Did she not care? Fuck! All his friends had told him not to get involved but he’d wanted to be this hero and now he’d really fucked himself.

“I, uh, I thought you should know,” he stammered again. “But maybe you wouldn’t want anyone else to know? I wasn’t going to blackmail him or anything. It’s private for you so I didn’t want to blow up your spot–”

“But obviously someone knew, the person who took the video! And I didn’t know who it was until I watched the security footage and then I thought it was you but–”

“Ah I thought I had my hat on low enough…” he mumbled.

She gave him a baffled look and pointed out, “You still look and walk like yourself– but I didn’t know if I was wrong or who was filming from inside my backyard and it was just really scary…” She trailed off and suddenly sat down on the lounge chair, threatening to upend the bamboo tray. She covered her face again. She took another of those deep bracing breaths.

“Shit, I’m really sorry scared you,” he said, sinking onto the second one to face her.  “I just felt bad about it.”

“Why?! You weren’t fucking someone else in our–” She broke herself off and that spark of rage tossed him around another loop. He didn’t know her, he didn’t know her emotional processes, he didn’t know how she was handling this thing he’d opened her eyes too, and yet he felt unavoidably anchored here with her in this moment. How would he handle this in her shoes? He sure didn’t know, but he thought he’d do an even worse job of holding himself together.

“Yeah but I didn’t mean to scare you. I just thought you should know your husband is a fucking piece of shit.” The words rolled out without any hesitation because he was.

But it brought Mrs. Birch up short. She looked shocked, as if she somehow hadn’t realized what the video showed, and for a moment he forgot she had just referenced it and worried she hadn’t actually watched and he’d just done exactly what he had hoped to avoid: verbally give her this news. Instead she blinked slowly at him. 

He meant to say sorry if that was too blunt but what actually came out was, “You deserve better than that.” He wasn’t actually sorry about that.

“Like you?”

“Wait, what?!” he cried, and jumped to his feet and stepped back so quickly he tripped on the lounger and fell onto his ass, tangled up in his own sandals. “No! I– what? I don’t have anything to do with this! I just–”

“I’m sorry,” she gasped this time, and covered her face again. “Oh god, I’m so sorry, I just…”

He’d scraped his palm in the fall; she didn’t seem to have even noticed that he did something so fucking clownish. Everything was all fucked up right now, she was all fucked up he understood now. That’s why she seemed all over the place.  

“Hey, it’s ok, it’s ok. Look, I swear I don’t have any shitty motives.” He eased back onto the lounger, ignoring the burn of his hand. “I didn’t want to get involved with your personal business. I just couldn’t believe he’d do that to you and I didn’t think you’d believe me if I just told you so I… but yeah, you don’t deserve to be treated like that.”

Her voice was barely a whisper as she lowered her hands, eyes on her knees, “I would have believed you.”

“Damn.” He stopped himself from saying more. But damn that was a bad marriage if you’d believe your poolguy that your husband was banging someone else without even providing proof. She must have already known then that she’d married an asshole. That made him both very happy (Mrs. Birch is not like him!) and very sad for her (Mrs. Birch is married to someone who doesn’t deserve her!)

Watching her struggle to compose herself was distressing. He wished she would just cry it out hard. She’d feel better and he’d feel better too. Instead it was like watching her hurt herself further trying to keep the tears locked in when they so obviously wanted to come out. 

“Who else did you show that video to?” she asked, gaze lifting to meet his. Her words sounded fiercer than her face looked, though her expression was still sort of scary. Sharp. “Or tell about… this?”

“No one,” he said, hoping a quick response would hide that it wasn’t entirely true. “Who would I tell? Why? I don’t even like knowing about it and I don’t know anyone who knows you–”

“You didn’t like upload it to the internet or– Reddit or something–”

“Fuck, no.” The goodwill he’d felt after she had said she’d have believed him evaporated and he felt as scummy as her cheating husband. “I don’t post that kind of shit anyway but even– I would never do that to you. Why would I do that–”

“I don’t know, for money, for clout, for revenge because Tim has been rude to you–”

Jungkook pushed to his feet as the heat rose in his cheeks, tingling up his neck. Apparently she’d believe him that her husband was cheating but not his own promise that he wasn’t blackmailing anyone. That she thought so lowly of him was the bullet through every last fantasy he’d harbored. No one had ever thought so badly of him as Mrs. Birch apparently did. Except maybe Mr. Birch.

“I said I wasn’t blackmailing,” Jungkook grumbled and turned to go because there was nothing else to say here.

Her hand suddenly on his arm stopped him dead in his tracks; she had leapt up and caught him quickly.

“No, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to insult you, it’s just… you wouldn’t be the first person who realized they could use something like this against my family.”

“Your family?” He made a face, ignoring the hiccup in his chest at her fingers curled against his arm. Just as quickly she let go. “I don’t know anything about your family and I don’t care. I just wanted to let you know in case you didn’t, that’s it.”

It was like she hadn’t heard a word he said and continued, “And just think about it from my perspective. This is a private matter that I want to handle privately.”

“Well I’m not telling anyone,” he huffed, frustrated by the ongoing accusations.

“Do you still have the video? Will you delete it in front of me?”

“I already deleted it,” he said, but still fished out his phone. “You think I wanted that on my phone? It’s in my trash.”

“Yeah but will you permanently delete it? Please? I’m sorry I insulted you, I’m just… stressed right now.”

He paused, phone unlocked, showing a picture of the beach behind his apps. It softened the edge of her accusation to be reminded that the inciting incident of all of this was learning that her husband was cheating on her and the pool tech knew. That sucked. From her perspective, if he was in her shoes, he’d be hurt and distrustful too. She was just upset. 

“I get it,” he told her. “No problem, you can watch me permanently delete it.” He opened up the ‘Recently Deleted’ folder on his phone as she leaned in to look, only for his stomach to cramp as he discovered just how many deleted selfies filled the rows ahead of the video. No dick pics thank fuck but still, it was embarrassing for her to see three rows of him posing in the bathroom without a shirt –he’d been trying to get a good one for his dating profile, ok?--, and he tried to cover them subtly with his fingers as he quickly tapped the video and then ‘Permanently Delete’ before it could begin to play. Too late did he realize how close she was standing, and that she smelled like something fresh and clean and mildly floral, and that her loose top had slid down her shoulder.

She pulled away and crossed her arms and nodded as she said, “Thank you.” She must have seen the photos but didn’t give any sign of it.

“Yeah, no problem.”

“I mean for telling me, too. I know it’s… awkward. It’s easier to mind your own business when it’s something uncomfortable but I’m glad that I know now. So thank you for telling me but now please forget that you know.”

“Yeah of course, I don’t know anything. I hope you get to keep your house in the divorce and I’ll keep the pool looking great.” He meant it as a joke, kind of. He was serious about it, but he hoped the tone shift could free them both from this moment that was even beyond awkward. Sustained emotionality wore him out. Guarding the wharf was easier than this for sure.

“I don’t know what I’m doing yet,” she said with utmost seriousness, with a shake of her head as if the idea was an annoying fly buzzing in her ear.

“Uh… what? How can you not know? The guy’s cheating on you, so leave his ass and wring him dry in the divorce,” he scoffed. As if he knew all about it! But it was just such an obvious next step, he couldn’t fathom she would do anything else. Good riddance to the fuckwad!

The effect on her was immediate: her hands dropped and she leaned away and got this scowl on her face that would have been sexy as hell if she hadn’t been almost defending that guy.

“It’s not that simple.”

“It is that simple.”

“It’s not. Marriage is complicated, especially one like ours, it’s not always easy and–”

“Well he pissed on that marriage when he started fucking other people, didn’t he?”

“How dare you?” The sexiness evaporated from her glare as it hardened, as his own words caught up to him.

“Fuck, sorry, I know it’s not my business–” He held his hands up, choosing to apologize even though in his gut he wanted to say more. See? He was bad at this! He really just wanted to comfort her and instead he was fucking it up because he just couldn’t stand to hear her insist there was anything salvageable about that wad of snot.

“You’re right, it’s not. Thank you for telling me about what’s going on but that’s where your judgment ends. You don’t know anything about us or our life or–”

“You’re right, I don’t. I do know he’s a piece of shit though and that you deserve better.”

“And how many times have you been married, since you’re such an expert on marital conflict–”

“Zero times,” he answered. “But when I do get married, I sure won’t treat my wife the way that asshole treats you. You’ve been apologizing for his shit since I started cleaning your pool and I may be just the pool guy but I see all kinds of people and I know a piece of shit when I see one. Whatever you think is worth staying married to him for, you’re wrong. That’s all I know. So whatever, you can report me to my boss and I can have someone else come clean your pool now or whatever but yeah, you’re better off without him.”

“Well thank you for not leaving that sage wisdom in a cryptic package on my doorstep this time,” she snapped. 

Jungkook knew he’d gone too far. He’d stepped completely into their bullshit. He couldn’t help it! He was typically slow to erupt but good luck once he got going, and he was going now, because this was the 21st century and a woman didn’t need to stay with a fucker like that for anything! And to stand there and have her possibly saying thanks for telling me but I’m going to stay with him, I don’t mind him treating me like gum on his shoe– how was he supposed to silently endorse that! 

He was too worked up to think of anything to say back so he just said, “Yeah, you’re welcome. You deserve better.” It was a stupid thing to sound so angry saying. He’d think of something better int he shower later. 

“Why, because I give you snacks while you clean our pool? You don’t know anything about me or what kind of person I am, JK. Maybe I did deserve this.”

“No way.”

“But you don’t know!”

If he hadn’t already known it in his gut, he knew it was true now, as the anger on her face wavered and he saw, just for one brief moment, raw grief. For one moment she had that look that in the movies makes a guy take up his sword and march off to war or whatever. She looked like a vulnerable, hurting person, not some rich caricature of a human, and that was exactly why he had stepped into this so far and couldn’t even regret it even if he knew he was making an ass of himself.

Just as quickly it was mostly gone, all except a soft, downward turn of her mouth. She had color on her lips which struck Jungkook as a little strange to have put on after the pool but he supposed Mrs. Birch wanted to always be put together. It was not a helpful train of thought –I could undo her combined with but she’s so sad right now and trying to hide it, isn’t she?-- and he looked away. He didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t used to this kind of dramatic exchange. He didn’t have stamina for it. Usually if he was fighting with a woman he just let her say her peace and then she left and that was the end, there were only a few times he really got into it.

But telling Mrs. Birch she ought to divorce her husband was worth it.

“I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore,” she admitted with a deep, tired sigh. “I need to go. Thank you for bringing all of this to my attention, but please, forget everything.”

“You got it, boss,” he mumbled. It was awkward. He felt deflated now.

She wasn’t going to leave her husband. That’s what he’d just learned. And the idea that a good woman would stay with a shitty man just flooded him with despair. Romance was dead, marriage was a sham, and there was no justice. His dad had divorced his mom and there were even kids involved, so what did Mrs. Birch think made it so impossible for her? But he didn’t feel like saying that to her now. He felt like he’d just burned what minor threads had connected them, and maybe it had been necessary in order for her to know about her husband, but selfishly he wondered now if it had been worth it. If she wasn’t even going to leave him, maybe she wished Jungkook had just kept his mouth shut. Maybe he should have.

“JK, I…”

He’d never know what she was going to say because after a grimace rolled across her face, she turned and went inside. Leaving him to finish the job he was paid to do, cleaning the fucking pool.

Chapter One | Masterlist | Chapter Three

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Right, I'm back. I didn't post anything yesterday because I thought it's best not to rush. But it was indeed fascinating to see reactions in real time to the photo. Yes, I'm talking about the photo posted on IG of JM, JK and another person.

I think I must have read opinions that varied on a entire spectrum and expressed quite vehemently. It's safe to say everyone has really strong opinions and you either condemn it or you're totally fine with it, as long as you pick a side and don't question anything. In sitautions such as these, the tendency to add just a touch of conspiracy is right there. And it gets a pass when there's a lack of information, a language barrier, etc.

I too have my own questions and observations, to which I don't necesarily need an answer, but I'll just write them down.

1. I couldn't help but think of how deep the level of social media stalking is in this fandom. I looked up the account immediately as I saw a screenshot because initially there was confusion about the source. That guy made no previous photo uploads of either JM or JK. At a first glance, there is nothing to connect him to them. And still he had fan accounts following him, before it all blew up and he gained a lot more. My question is, how did that happen? Are there people who look up Jimin's followers list and they try to figure out if there's someone from an inner circle? In all those 50 million people? Do they check some select few accounts daily to see if there's a possibility of a post? The logistics of this are giving me a headache. Or maybe there's some obvious, easier answer and I don't know it.

2. Considering that the account is public, it's not like the photo is leaked. I don't know exactly the nature of the relationship that man has/had with JM & JK and I do not wish to make any speculation with regards to his intentions.

3. I think the outrage was mostly caused by jikookers bringing back to the surface that old photo under the heart arch. Which indeed paints a certain picture, but it's also not the most incriminatory thing out there. I don't think there's any real actual danger, considering that it was supposedly taken from Jungkook's dad Kakao talk. If that's true then it means the dad was ok with showing it.

3. What I personally believe should not have happened was to circulate that photo so easily on social media. People knew about it for a long time, even before someone posted it on I-Jikook twitter. But in cases like these, the photos will always be revealed. They will leave the group chats and out into the wild usually for a petty reason. Because at the end of the day, that's the issue. It has nothing to do with giving a shit about the people in the photo, it's about winning a shipping argument, about screaming "we won". Win what exactly???? It shows who is in it for the fantasy. No single argument could work for them. Replying on and on about deleting doesn't matter.

4. Maybe my last point, but this situation has revealed some things which were already known, but maybe not really articulated specifically all the time. As people not only part of the fandom, but also using social media 24/7, our ideas about privacy and what we should have access to when it comes to public figures has certainly been influenced by the current landscape. In the case of JM & JK particularly, they have been sharing pieces of themselves for more than a decade. It was the BH strategy, the BTS brand. It worked wonders because look at the huge fandom it gathered and the relationship that was built between idol and fan. Hell, Jungkook is doubling down heavy on it with his livestreams. How can anyone really expect a mass of people to really stop and think about privacy? We ourselves as regular people curate our social media image and we voice our opinions and share the places we go to, who are our friends, what parties we attended, when we get into a relationship. Every mundane or special occassion is posted for public consumption. I'm not saying this as some excuse that would justify sharing what looks like a private photo. What I'm saying is that it's to be expected in a way. As harsh as it is, but we live in this reality where the line between the public and private sphere is getting more invisible day by day.

What I think it's scary is that if there's a situation in which an actual compromising photo would somehow be leaked and which can be in the detriment of the people in it for various reasons, so called fans would still share it as proof. Because it doesn't matter for them. It's the high of finding it, of screaming about it on social media, without thinking for more than a second about possible implications. Everything needs to be done fast, regardless of consequences because people need to feed themselves with gossip and leaks.

I'm really just rambling here and not making too much sense. Anyway, I think we should always take a step back and really assess the situation and not scream about it, regardless of our position. Not everything is a threat, or privacy violation or putting people in danger, but it doesn't mean that it needs to be treated lightly as if it's no big deal (which usually comes from people who care more about their own safisfaction and feeling like a "winner").

[alpineshift]

I wanna join in on the fun if you're still up for it!

How about...

15. “I can’t believe you remembered.” 

I don't really have a theme or 'verse in mind. Maybe the corporate emails one or the professors one or the one where they're married and then they're exes and Nico is Jack's emergency contact. Or anything that your heart desires.

My heart desires jacknico signs of life LOL jk jk thank you for sending a prompt in!! this would fit so well in the exes universe imo 🥹 (from the thank you for coming anyway verse)

15. “I can’t believe you remembered.” 

The All Star Festival was only supposed to be a three-day weekend thing; arriving Friday for social stuff and set up, Captains a supporting act on Saturday and headlining Sunday, and then back to home base. Quinn was supposed to rescue him from the awkward roomie situation he's got with his ex-husband right now.

Jack may or may not still be kinda salty Nico's babysitting him over a tiny whack to the head. Understatement, the Luke-voice in his brain scolds.

But not that it's necessarily awkward, to be honest. Maybe just...quiet. Low-key. Old habits, new location. Same person, different interactions.

That's the part that surprises Jack the most, and still catches him off guard. The way he and Nico manage to fall into a routine, filling the gaps in each other's everyday tasks, moving in perfect tandem. Jack figuring out how Nico stocks his groceries now with ease, Nico arranging food on the table the way he knows Jack likes.

(What does that mean for them? Is that supposed to mean anything at all? What if Jack wants it to? Does Nico want that too?)

It's driving Jack slowly crazy, remnants of his concussion notwithstanding. But! At least he'll be free from this limbo soon, once his brothers fly back and see that he's actually fine and lets him go home.

And then the storm hits.

Strong winds, heavy rain, possibility of hail, and low-to-zero visibility conditions. All flights grounded. Dark clouds rolling in from the west coast, travelling absurdly fast over the central states overnight, and landing heavy on them on the other side of the continent.

Obviously Jack doesn't want the band and the crew flying home in that. Obviously he's telling them to take shelter and to keep an eye on Trevor, who's a twig and could get blown away.

Fuck you too, Jack, Trevor texts back in the group chat.

"Guess you're stuck here for a little while longer," Nico says quietly, staring at the rain that's already pelting down on the windows. Ever the organized guy, he's got candles and lighters and flashlights already set out, charged up a few extra power banks and filled up an extra container of water.

Jack watches his ex-husband watching the rain, and tries not to read too much into the way Nico simply lets him stay, and his own inexplicable feelings of relief and delight over it.

And then the thunder starts.

Jack hates thunderstorms. Hates them with a passion, hates the way the thunder shakes the floorboards beneath him, the way lightning flashes across the sky and throws creepy shadows all over the room. Hates the hair-raising way the noise rattles his whole body.

He stumbles out of the guest room, disheveled, not exactly sure where he's going in the dark apartment, and runs smack into Nico's (very shirtless) chest.

Nico catches him by the shoulders. "Hey, hey, easy--it's just me. Are you alright?"

"I'mfineI'mdoinggreat," Jack word vomits out, and he can see the way Nico immediately frowns.

"You're not," his ex-husband says, only matter-of-factly, not rudely, and he redirects Jack to the couch. Turns a lamp on, the lowest setting, and drapes one of the big fluffy blankets over Jack's shoulders. Then he goes into the kitchen and pulls out a bunch of stuff from the cupboards: two enormous mugs. Packets of chamomile tea. Organic honey. Two tiny sprigs of mint. One toasty-hot drink fixed up in record time and deposited in Jack's hands while Nico takes the seat opposite him.

"It's okay, Jack," he says softly. "The storm will pass. Just drink your tea. I've even got disposable ear plugs if it gets really loud."

In spite of all his experience crafting award-winning lyrics, the only thing Jack could stammer out is, "You--You made my mom's go-to tea combo for me."

"Yes...?" Nico says, confused. "It's the only thing you want during a storm. You told me before."

"I--I know I did. But you...remembered. I can't believe you remembered."

Lightning flashes again and thunder rumbles above them, but Jack only has eyes for Nico. Nico, who sighs very softly, fiddles with his mug, and meets his gaze sadly.

"You say that as if I could ever forget a single thing about you, Jack."