#jjk humor

[retiredteabag]

“This isn’t working”

Including: Gojo, Nanami, Choso, Sukuna, Toji, Yuuji, and Megumi

Synopsis: something broke… but it’s definitely not your relationship

my smau masterlists one and two

〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰

[chatsukimi]

ᴅɪʀᴛʏ ᴛʀɪᴄᴋꜱ

featuring: touchstarved!gojo, slight enemies to lovers. synopsis: gojo satoru can't understand why he keeps wanting to spar with you... until one time, you two get a little too close. masterlist

sparring with satoru is a pain above all else. yaga has been assigning you to hand to hand combat with satoru for weeks now- a suspiciously long amount of time without switching partners.

you kick, dodge a punch, and stare up at his shameless smile. each time you come close to landing a hit, he turns on infinity, then poof! your opportunity rushes out the window.

"no techniques allowed." you grit your teeth.

"oops." he holds his hands up in a faux surrender. "sorry, forgot."

he certainly did not forget.

this time, he charges at your torso, his annoyingly long arm closing distance on your shoulder at breakneck speed. you feel the limb dislocate. you wince. using his upper hand, gojo grabs your arms and pins you to the gymnasium floor. the air is knocked out of your lungs.

he's panting, his blue eyes clambering over you, under him. like always, he's too close to you- so close you see your own figure in the reflection of his watery irises. you could lift your hand up an inch to brush the sweat from his forehead. always. way too close.

his fingers trail across your elbow up towards your collarbone- whoosh.

infinity on again. he lets out a long exhale, scrunching his eyes shut as though pained.

that's when gojo thinks he's safe.

only, he's not really.

instead of giving up, you close your hand around the infinity and pull the whole thing, gojo and his infinity, towards you. your legs drag around his hips.

his eyes widen.

your hand pushes his chest then in the brisk manoeuvre, you're on top of him.

you think you see his soul poke its head out his mouth, tipped ajar in shock.

you don't know why you do what you do next. in some depraved performance, your fingers close in on his windpipe. you don't squeeze; the imagery is enough to satisfy. snowy white eyelashes fluttering to meet your gaze, the groan echoing out from his throat, the tight strain in his chest as he breathes shallowly, letting you way too close.

"they're watching," he murmurs.

shoko and geto. fear washes over you, and you're about to let go-

his own hand closes around your wrist.

he's staring at you darkly, goading you to move.

"they're watching," he says again, his hands suddenly at your waist pulling you closer. his tongue flicks over his bottom lip.

you're almost laying on his chest, face to face with your own deadly consumption.

"how long have you been beating me up just to get this close?" you tease.

"huh?"

truly innocently desperately confused, satoru has the gall to tighten his grip, hoisting himself up until he's sitting to lean over you again- if only slightly.

"we're just sparring, aren't we?" and he's telling himself this as his nose bumps against yours. and he's lying to himself that the way he's exploring your body is an act of aggression, not an act of compulsion. "you've been playing dirty tricks on me, but i can do it better."

dirty tricks? you think you see the thought passing through his concentrated face.

unfair, unfair, unfair-

how dare you provoke him let down his infinity? who do you think you are? how could you break him down through just one touch, leave him barrelling towards you for more?

unfair, unfair, unfair-

his hand rests by your jaw, stroking up your cheek, taking his precious time.

because sparring with you is the only time satoru gets to touch you.

he forces all his common sense out of his brain as he whispers, frustration coursing through his tone, "you're weak. your form is full of openings." and he's almost kissing you-

"time out, time out." shoko's voice cuts through the haze.

you feel you two being dragged apart by shoko and geto. the latter frowns at the white haired menace who's temporarily lost his obnoxious pride, silent.

the moment is awkward for everyone except for him.

gojo cocks his head to the side, looking at geto. "we were just fighting?"

geto sighs. just fighting?

you shiver as gojo's expressionless stare sticks onto you. curious.

the fight is over already...

but then why does he want to kiss you still?

[tsukimefuku]

jjk characters as X/twitter memes i had saved on my phone

[rahuratna]

Suited up

More fatherly goodness from the gentleman sorcerer, Nanami Kento. This time, featuring Ino!

Ino was excited. Not in the usual sense, when he had a mission with Nanami lined up. Today was different. Today would be the day he nailed that sweet, sweet grade one sorcerer recommendation from his mentor, the sorcerer he admired the most.

Ino had been watching, you see. He couldn't do without his own signature ski mask, as that was completely necessary for the functioning of his unique cursed technique. There were other things he had taken note of, however, that might be worth a change.

For starters, the suit. No matter where the mission, whether in the sparkling heart of Tokyo or in the depths of the most squalid sewer, Nanami would always appear in his impeccable and tasteful suit. Tailored to perfection, sitting perfectly at the wrist and ankles, comfort and flexibility reserved at no expense to the clean, fitted outline on the powerful frame they enclosed, Nanami's suits were a thing of beauty.

Then, the handkerchief. Nanami never went without. There was always a clean square of linen, folded in a perfect square, in one of his pockets. Nanami had used his handkerchief to help Ino mop blood off his face once, and, although the cloth had been ruined, Ino knew that the threadcount on that little square made it more valuable than the entirety of his baggy shirt and trousers.

Of course, there were the shoes. Nanami's sturdy leather brogues, hand sewn and always polished to high shine, saw a lot of wear. Of course they would, considering the speed and power of the sorcerer who wore them. But no matter how soiled and worn they were by the end of the mission, the care invested in their restoration was evident. Nanami would show up the next day with his shoes back in such good condition you could see your reflection in them.

Then, there was the way he wore his tie, the way he combed his hair, the coveted wristwatch. But there would be time enough to speculate on those things later. For now, Ino would be satisfied to see Nanami's reaction to his own get up.

The mission was straightforward. They had been assigned to clear out an old warehouse on the docks near the harbour. A curse infestation had been reported in the area, probably triggered by the recent wage protests the dock workers had engaged in due to cutbacks. Of course, Ino's affinity for crowd control would come in handy, and so, he had been dispatched with Nanami as a two-man team.

As he stood on the sidewalk not far from his apartment, Ino shifted from one foot to the other, still growing accustomed to the outfit he had on. As a grade two sorcerer, he earned a fair salary. He'd saved up for a month or two to splurge out on these clothes.

He had invested in a good tailor and had a dark grey suit made to fit. He wore a black polo shirt beneath and the best leather belt he could find. His socks were polyester, but comfortable enough and wouldn't slip or bunch inside his new black leather shoes. Ino had neatly combed and parted his hair, using a high hold pomade that gave a shine he wasn't sure he liked. It would prevent his hair from going haywire when he had to use his ski mask, though. And he had a handkerchief, of course. Bought cheaply in a pack of five because he'd been in a rush, but who would be looking that closely, anyway?

A dark sedan pulled up to the kerb where he waited and Ino felt a clench of nervous anticipation in his stomach. Would Nanami approve of his new look? Had he gone overboard? Did he look like some kind of copycat freakshow now? Steeling himself, Ino opened the rear door and slid inside, sending a tense greeting to the experienced sorcerer who sat beside him.

Nanami greeted him back and then stopped short. Sweating slightly, Ino kept his gaze straight ahead as Nanami's eyes travelled from his perfectly combed hair down to his new shoes. Ino coughed slightly and fidgeted with his belt.

"So ... any ideas on how we should tackle the warehouse?"

Nanami regarded him in silence for a moment, before pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose and tapping his fingers on his knee, as he sometimes did when he was thinking deeply about something.

"We'll approach as we usually do. I'll go in and guage the strength of the spirits before making a tactical retreat. We perform a second sweep, with you flanking me. Then we use your targeted attacks to hone in on any remaining curses that may be concealing themselves."

"Got it."

There was a short spell of silence.

"That's a fine suit you have on."

"You think so?"

Ino released a breath he had been holding, elation swelling in his chest.

"It is." Nanami paused. "Having said that, there are a few pointers I'd like to give you, as you've chosen to dress in this manner today."

"You will?"

Ino could barely contain his excitement now. Nanami nodded and folded his arms.

"Yes. For starters, have you worn those shoes before today?"

"Uh, no. Didn't want them to ... you know. Get all dusty and stuff before the mission."

"Place your feet against the seat in front of you right now and bend your toes."

"Huh?"

"Like this."

Nanami demonstrated, and Ino followed suit, slower due to his confusion.

"Leather always needs to be broken in. I've been wearing these shoes for close to a year now. And I alternate between pairs, so that I minimize wear and tear and allow the leather to rest, especially if I've been out in wet weather. If you go in as you are, the new leather will not have had time to take on the shape of your feet. You'll be in some discomfort a few hours in."

"For real?"

Balancing in his seat, the younger sorcerer hurriedly began to rock his feet back and forth against the seat in front of him, wondering how he couldn't have noticed how stiff the leather was. He could thank his lucky stars that Nanami had forewarned him.

"There's more, Ino."

"There is?"

"That pomade you have on your hair ... it's going to form stiff peaks as you perspire inside the ski mask. Next time, opt for a softer styling wax."

"Ohhh, damn. I didn't know that."

Nanami now reached across and ran his fingers along the hem of Ino's jacket, then grabbed one of his sleeves and tugged.

"Oh dang, what is it?"

"I'd also advise you to lose the jacket when you go into combat. I ask my tailor to perform a specific type of stitching that allows for more freedom of movement. You're going to need to remove the jacket if you want to move freely and effectively."

Ino's bubble of excitement was rapidly deflating. He'd wanted so badly to impress Nanami today, but all he'd succeeded in doing was showing off his inexperience and making himself look like some kind of desperate wannabe. He cleared his throat and straightened his posture, giving Nanami his signature bright smile and thumbs up. He hoped that he had somehow concealed how embarrassed he was feeling.

"Thanks Nanami. I promise I won't let you down today!"

By the end of the day, Ino was feeling a lot less chipper. Scratch that, he was feeling downright miserable.

The mission had started off promisingly. They'd found the warehouse infested with cursed spirits, some of them rather powerful. After drawing the bulk of the spirits out into the open, Nanami had retreated as planned, so that Ino could use his Reiki to shield himself from attacks and move swiftly between the raging curses.

This was where Ino's problems had started.

Due to the huge amount of cursed energy he burned through, and the highly physical nature of his technique, Ino perspired a lot in combat. His baggy clothing normally allowed ample air circulation around his body, letting him cool down faster, but the polo shirt and the thicker material of his new trousers did no such thing. 

As sweat poured down to sting his eyes, Ino was hyper aware of how the soaking material clung uncomfortably to his chest and back, how his legs felt like they were encased in a damp, restricting vice.

The leather shoes had started out comfortable enough thanks to the stretching Nanami had had him perform, but even they lost elasticity over time. Sore red ridges had been rubbed into his ankles and the area around his toes felt as if it had been chafed raw.

To add insult to injury, a vat of putrid fluid, that had been lying stagnant for God knew how long, had been upended all over Ino by one of the cursed spirits, ruining any chance he'd had of salvaging some dignity and completely ruining his outfit. Somehow, Nanami had dodged the spray of fluid and darted towards the offending spirit, ending it with a deadly, but elegant stroke of his blade. 

Ino had given it his all, of course. He'd fought with every ounce of determination he possessed, and they'd eventually decimated the spirits that infested the warehouse. At great cost to his body and dignity, of course. His muscles were screaming because of the unnatural strain he'd put them through, and his shoulder throbbed where a spirit had grabbed him and damn near dislocated it.

By the time they left the warehouse, Nanami was striding along at his usual pace, suit spotless, collar open, cufflinks gleaming, hair stylishly dishevelled, while something that looked like a veritable swamp monster hobbled along at his side, emitting feeble groans now and then.

"Ino."

"Y - Yeah?"

"Take off those shoes now."

"But - "

"Do as I say."

The shoes came off with a very distinct and soggy noise. Undaunted, Nanami reached for them and scooped them up so that they hung from the fingers of one hand. He then went down on one knee, facing away from Ino.

"Get on."

" ... what?"

"Climb on. Your can't make it all the way to the car in this condition."

"But - but I'm filthy, Nanami! I'll get this smelly shit all over your clothes!"

"Don't worry about that. The dry cleaners I frequent are excellent and ... accustomed to my requests by now."

With a great deal of reluctance, the young sorcerer climbed onto his senior's back, head flopping forward in sudden exhaustion when Nanami lifted him in piggy-back fashion. They made their way back to where the car awaited them.

"Nanami?"

"Yes?"

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"How do you manage to look like ... you know. Like you can do anything you put your mind to. And why in a suit, of all things?"

The strong shoulders beneath Ino's chin jerked in a small huff of amusement.

"I'm not sure what you mean, but I suppose experience is the best teacher. I've been on my fair share of missions. I know what to expect and plan accordingly. As to why I wear a suit, well ... "

His voice trailed off, but Ino remained silent, aware that if he stayed like this he might probably hear something that would give him greater insight into the man he admired above all others.

"Hmm. I suppose, it was something I learned when I worked as a salaryman. In society, the clothes you wear define who you are. They speak to others of your personality, your preferences, the way you want to be perceived and your standing in a certain social setting. I chose my clothes so that I would blend in. I wanted ... an ordinary life. A life that would let me pursue ordinary goals and let me retire in comfort."

"But you came back. Back to being a sorcerer, I mean."

"It wasn't that I missed this life. It wasn't that I wanted to be a sorcerer either. But my talent for working efficiently, and working hard, was best put to good use in a manner where I could help others."

"But you still kept the suit?"

"Indeed. The suit reminds me of who I am, at heart. I've never wanted more than a regular life. I never will want more. If I have to exorcise spirits looking like I used to as a salaryman, then so be it. Let the spirits experience my effort, my work ethic, my real and very ordinary self."

There was a long silence, broken only by the sound of Nanami's footsteps on the damp paving stones that led to the car park. Ino gave a weak chuckle.

"Ordinary? You know, I think I can get behind that."

"You can?"

"Yeah. I'm pretty much a regular guy too. But you know, Nanami ... "

The younger man's voice trailed off, and for a moment, Nanami thought he had drifted off into an exhausted sleep. Then Ino spoke again.

"I don't think you give yourself enough credit. There's a reason I wanna be like you, more than other sorcerers. If being a run-of-the-mill guy means always choosing to put other people first, if it means choosing to do what you feel is right, and if it means ... that when you're gone, someday in the future, people will always remember the things you taught them and miss you like hell, then you wouldn't call yourself that ordinary, would you?"

Nanami was quiet for a long time after that.

Ino had never felt greater relief than when he was able to shower at Jujutsu Tech later that night, sling on a clean tracksuit and receive some treatment from Ieiri for his bruised and twisted shoulder. Feeling far more human, he made his way down to the foyer, wondering what he could have for a late-night snack.

To his surprise, Nanami was waiting for him.

"You're still here? I thought you'd have left already."

Namami held up a small bag.

"You left your jacket behind in the car."

"Ah." Ino scratched the back of his head. "Thanks. But I don't think I'll be wearing that again."

"Understandable. But, if you like, I can take you to my tailor to make some ... additions to your regular work clothes. You can still look your best, even while comfortable, you know."

Ino brightened considerably at this.

"Oh? I never thought of that."

"And I suppose you're hungry after the mission. We can go and get fried chicken and beer."

Whooping slightly, the younger sorcerer loped happily out the front doors, before stopping and glancing back at Nanami sheepishly.

"Uh, I'm kinda broke right now after splashing out on that suit ... "

"I'm paying."

"Now we're talking!"

[borntoexplore11-blog]

An "Accidental" Encounter

[INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY]

Gojo stands at one end of a small table, leaning over a set of unorganized papers. Nine-year-old Megumi sits on the opposite side, arms crossed, his face a mixture of skepticism and confusion.

Gojo (slamming his hand on the table, leaning forward energetically): Okay, let’s review the plan! A block down the street, there’s a charming little French café called “Le Café du Jardin.” At the first outdoor table, there will be a beautiful lady named “Reader.” Reader visits the café every Sunday at exactly 3:30 PM to read and to drink herbal tea. She doesn’t know me—yet—but you, my dear Megumi, are going to help us become acquainted.

Megumi (frowning, leaning back slightly in his chair): Wait a second... If this “Reader” doesn’t know you, then… How exactly do you know her schedule?

Gojo (pausing):… That is not important.

He straightens up, gesturing with his hands.

Gojo (with a wide grin): What is important is that you’re going to help me get her cell phone number.

Megumi (raising an eyebrow skeptically): And how exactly am I supposed to do that?

Gojo (clapping his hands together): Simple! Just repeat what is written in this script.  You’re going to walk up to Reader and say…

He gestures at Megumi expectantly. 

Megumi (dryly, deadpan): Hello, Miss Reader. I think my guardian is stalking you. He says he’ll force me to sleep in the streets until I bring him your cell phone number.

Gojo (becoming frustrated): Nooo! Absolutely not!  You ran away from home because you didn’t want to eat your damn vegetables and got lost! Come on Megumi, I spent all night working on this! 

Megumi (pauses to read Gojo’s notes): You actually put effort into writing this rubbish? I think I prefer to spend my day off playing outside. 

Megumi gets up to leave but Gojo quickly moves to block the door with his body. Gojo kneels down to Megumi's height and places a hand on Megumi's shoulder .

Gojo (pauses for a moment then begins to speak in an overly sweet tone): You know Megumi…  In some countries, children are visited by a magical fairy that will leave them gifts in exchange for their baby teeth. Sometimes when children help out their mommies and daddies, the fairy will reward them with extra gifts! If you help me out, I’m sure the fairy will reward you with ¥500 ! 

Megumi: … I don’t know if I should be more offended by; that you think that I’m dumb enough to believe in the Tooth Fairy, or that I can be bought with just ¥500. 

Gojo: Oh come on Megumi can’t you help me out please? I’ll pay you ¥5,000 for your trouble. 

Megumi: You better make it ¥10,000. 

Gojo (Starting to get frustrated): Seriously?! I let you live here for free! You should want to help out of gratitude! You know what? Maybe I should make you sleep outside! 

Megumi: Fine! I'll just go camping in the backyard until  CPS arrives! 

Gojo (Rubs his temples in annoyance): Dear God why do you have to make this so difficult? How about I pay you….  ¥7,500 and I let you stay up past your bedtime for a whole week? 

Megumi: ….. Fine, I'll do it for ¥7,500! So I go up to this girl named Reader and then what? 

Gojo: Then you’re going to ask Reader if you can use her cell phone to call your amazing uncle Satoru. While you’re waiting for me to arrive, you’ll casually tell her how incredibly attractive I am. 

Megumi (Looking him up and down): You’re attractive? I’m not sure I follow…

Gojo: Of course I’m attractive! I’m tall, handsome, rich, mature, virtuous, and incredibly humble. Oh, and don’t forget to mention that I’m single!

Megumi (deadpan, tilting his head slightly): Well, I’ll give you “tall,” but I’m not so sure about being humble or virtuous…

Gojo (slightly offended): What are you talking about? I’m practically a saint!

Megumi (narrowing his eyes): Right…. Except last month you killed a guy for scratching your car and then drew dicks on his face. Last week you change the men's and women's bathroom signs... Then there was that time you went into angry drunken rage over not being able to nominate yourself for a Nobel Peace Prize…. 

Gojo freezes, his confident grin faltering. He squints suspiciously at Megumi.

Gojo : … And you are not going to mention a single word of that to anyone especially to Reader!

Megumi glances out the window, ignoring Gojo’s theatrics.

Megumi (dryly): It looks like it’s going to rain. Can I at least have an umbrella?

Gojo (waving him off, shaking his head): No, no, no! You’ll look more sympathetic if you’re wet.

He pauses, tapping his chin thoughtfully.

Gojo (suddenly inspired and snapping his fingers): Actually, let’s rub some hot sauce in your eyes to make you cry! It’ll make you look more pitiful! 

Megumi stares at him, utterly unamused. He leans forward, resting his head in his hands.

[EXT. LE CAFÉ DU JARDIN – LATE AFTERNOON]

The busy sounds of the street quiet down a bit as Megumi walks up to a small, picturesque café. He stops at an outdoor table where a young woman, Reader, is engrossed in a book. A hot cup of tea sits next to her. Megumi pauses for a moment, then lightly tugs on her sleeve. 

Megumi (quietly, almost timidly): Excuse me, Miss…

Reader looks up from her book, her gaze soft but curious.

Reader (smiling kindly): Yes?

Megumi (looking down slightly, his voice steady but polite): Can I please borrow your phone? I need to call for a ride home.

Reader’s expression softens even more. Without hesitation, she picks up her phone and hands it to him.

Reader (warmly): Of course.

Megumi takes the phone, glancing up at her briefly before dialing. His expression is calm, but there’s a flicker of guilt in his eyes. As he presses the call button, he meets her gaze directly.

Megumi (sincerely, voice low): I just want to say beforehand, I’m really sorry that I have to drag you into this.

Reader looks slightly confused. The phone barely rings once when—

Gojo (practically materializing out of thin air, loudly and dramatically): Fushiuro-chan!!!!

Reader jumps slightly in her seat as Gojo rushes up, arms outstretched. He picks up Megumi in a constrictive hug and begins spinning the small boy in circles. 

Gojo (buries his face into Megumi’s hair): I’ve been so worried about you! You should know better than to run away like that. 

Megumi (gasping for air and trying to break hold of Gojo’s hold.): Can’t breathe! 

Gojo pretends to just notice the reader and carelessly drops Megumi on the ground. He straightens up, bowing slightly toward Reader with an apologetic look that’s more charming than sincere. Megumi starts gasping noisily for air. Reader looks a little startled but doesn't say anything.

Gojo: Thank you so much for watching over him, Miss! I hope my boy hasn’t caused you any trouble. 

Reader: Oh, not at all. He’s been very polite. 

Gojo (looking overly emotional): You’re too kind! Let me introduce myself—my name is Gojo Satoru, and this is my ward, Megumi Fushiguro.

Reader (hesitates for a moment, then shakes his hand): It’s nice to meet you.

Gojo doesn't let go of the reader's hand and instead interlaces his fingers with hers.

Gojo (voice dropping to a sympathetic tone): Thank you for being so understanding. I’ve recently adopted Megumi-kun after he was abandoned by his abusive father.

Megumi (frowning): But I have never been abu—

Before Megumi can finish, Gojo kicks Megumi's shin.

Megumi (winces, staggering slightly as his eyes begin to water from the pain): …!

Reader untangles her hand from Gojo and stares at Megumi with a look of concern. Gojo quickly swoops in, wrapping an arm around Megumi’s shoulders as if to comfort him.

Gojo (gently wipes away Megumi’s tears): It’s okay Fushiguro-chan. You don’t have to hold back your emotions anymore.

Megumi freezes, his eyes narrowing dangerously as Gojo leans in closer.

Gojo (voice voice dripping with fake sympathy): Do you remember what your therapist said? It’s okay to cry!

Megumi’s eyebrow twitches, his face a mixture of pain, anger, and annoyance. Reader watches the interaction, looking torn between sympathy and confusion.

Reader (softly): I … didn’t realize you were going through so much, Fushiguro-chan.

Megumi (gritting his teeth, barely keeping his composure): I’m fine.

Gojo (starts aggressively ruffling Megumi’s hair and smiles at the reader): Isn’t he brave? I’m just so proud of him.

Reader smiles back awkwardly.

Gojo (lowering his voice, feigning deep compassion): Shhh… I know you’re still trying to cope with your deadbeat father trying to sell you after your mom tragically passed away.

Reader’s eyes widen slightly, and she leans forward, visibly shocked. Gojo continues, unbothered.

Gojo (earnestly, with a hint of dramatic flair): Just because your father didn’t want you doesn’t mean you aren’t loved! I care about you, and I know you’re nothing like your father. Your father was a jerk. He deserved to die in that explosion. But don’t worry! I’m doing my best to be the father figure you need.

Megumi’s jaw clenches as he stares at Gojo, practically vibrating with restrained irritation. Gojo ignores Megumi and gazes wistfully at the reader.

Gojo: And maybe, one day, I’ll fall in love with a kind lady who can be the motherly figure you deserve.

Megumi (gritting his teeth, voice sharp): Why do you feel the need to share my personal life with others?!

Megumi looks like he’s about to explode, but before he can, Reader gently pats his back. Her touch is light and hesitant but kind.

Reader (softly) : It’s okay, Fushiguro-chan. 

Gojo (earnestly): Fushiguro-chan is not a bad child, I swear! It’s just that he’s been through so much… Living on the streets for so long has left him traumatized. Poor Fushiguro-chan is such a sweet and well-behaved kid, but sometimes he forgets that he now has a loving home. I’m doing the best I can to raise him as a single parent, but there’s only so much I can do as a humble bachelor. It’s only thanks to kind-hearted angels like you that he has any hope left for humanity. Please… let me take you out to dinner tonight to thank you for saving my poor boy!

Reader looks surprised, glancing between Gojo and Megumi.

Megumi (calmly): Am I invited to this dinner as well?

Gojo deadpans at him.

Gojo: No. I only made a reservation for two people. 

Megumi (sighing): Fine. But how am I supposed to get home? I’m lost, remember?

Gojo: Oh, yeah I almost forgot about that....

Gojo starts digging through his pockets, pulling out random coins and counting them in his palm.

Gojo: Let’s see… okay, here’s ¥155. There’s a bus station about five blocks south of here that you can take to get home. There are leftovers in the fridge and don’t stay up too late. 

Megumi (staring at the coins, unimpressed): Hey wait a moment, where’s the other ¥7,345?

Reader: If money is the problem, I have no issue with giving  Fushiguro-kun a ride home. Also there is no need to treat me to dinner. 

Gojo: Oh don’t worry about Fushiguru-kun. Earlier today I was telling Fushiguro-kun that the tooth fairy often leaves money to boys and girls who are extra good. 

Megumi and Gojo make eye contact with each other as a silent agreement is made between the two of them.

Megumi (Starts to walk away): Actually I just remembered how to get home from here. Also don’t worry about Gojo Miss Reader. He can be eccentric at times but he’s harmless…

Gojo: Make sure to brush your teeth and don’t stay up too late! Anyhow there is an upscale restaurant that just opened up and … *continues to babble* 

Reader starts to tune out Gojo and a chuckle escapes her lips as can’t help but feel entertained with the events that just unfolded in front of her. A small grin forms on Gojo’s face, satisfied with his plan’s outcome. 

Note from the author: I just wanted to say thank you for taking the time to read my little creation. This short story was originally inspired by the Gojo x reader story “Trouville Limerence,” by the Tumblr user pthalogreenwriter (hopefully they will log back into their account one day and read this!) I originally wrote this I wanted to encourage them to continue writing  their story so I created a parody script of the events that could potentially happen after their third chapter. I was having so much fun writing the parody, that I decided to turn it into a short story. If this short gains enough attention, I might repost the story later on in a properly written story format. I also want to extend a special thanks to Bella @izabella_ray and Athena M @arriane_li from Fiverr for helping me edit my script and to anyone else who gave me feedback! 

[fairybonesandstardust]

gege’s ending the series so quickly because he’s running out of characters to to kill

[troythecatfish]

[dreamingkitsunewrites]

Currently embracing Higuruma's mood: "The outer world doesn't exist, it cannot hurt you..."

[neonscandal]

Me, pretending I know what’s going on during half the JJK fights, while I’m waiting for my fave characters to make a comeback.

[sincerelyamee]

[A Family of Villains] - Sashisu Defect AU

[SEPTEMBER 2007 - ⬛⬛ PREFECTURE ⬛⬛CITY, FORMERLY ⬛VILLAGE]

“It’s fine, Suguru. We can still fix this.” Gojo says confidently as he wipes a speck of blood from Geto’s face with all the gentleness of a sledgehammer.

Geto looks up at him, eyes hollow. “How?”

“I have no idea.” Gojo grins brightly. “But I’m sure Sho knows.”

[Narrator: And Shoko, in fact, does NOT know how to fix this. Shoko can fix a lot of things. But omniscient, she is not.]

Miles and miles away, Ieiri Shoko is tucked cozily in her bed, peacefully snoozing and blissfully oblivious to the twist of fate speeding her way. Poor little Sho has no idea that soon - so very soon - she will become one of the most wanted curse users at the ripe old age of 18. Forced on the run with not one but TWO boyfriends, plus four traumatized school-age children. Such is life.

But for now, Shoko sleeps on, the ghost of a smile on her lips. The night is quiet save for the whisper of the wind. In a few short hours, the dawn will break - and with it, the life she has always known.

This is the story about what would’ve happened if Gojo had found Geto immediately after that village incident, if they had come to Shoko, and if the three of them had defected together. Follow their wacky villain origin story here on AO3.

[retiredteabag]

They watch you trying to catch a mosquito

Including: Gojo, Nanami, Choso, Sukuna, Toji, Yuuji, and Megumi

my smau masterlist

〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰〰・♡・〰

[sassooda]

I was cleaning the house when I looked over and saw this happening…

By the way! Working on the newest chapter! Be sure to check the latest chapters from Worlds Away (JJK AU) on Ao3! 🫶

[tsukimefuku]

I was today years old when I learned abt this penguin plushie and I had to

Inspired by that @pilloyz post here (every time I think abt this shi i giggle too).

[rahuratna]

ღ Jujutsu Kaisen Series

• Nanami Kento: Relationship headcanons

Genre: Romance, angst, humor, fluff

Summary: Nanami x Reader headcanons (now a fic). Includes slow burn, pining, romance, establishing relationships, an introvert reader.

Links: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 ღ on tumblr

Beautiful art by @courtneedsleep : Nanami x Reader

• Jujutsu Academy Case Files

Genre: Fantasy AU, mystery, suspense, horror, humour, detective agency

Summary: "Welcome, Visitor, to Jujutsu Guild Academy, tucked discreetly away in the rolling foothills of the Byre Veld Mountains. Our team of expert sorcerers, now misfits and outcasts from society, gather here to train their talented students, as well as use their exceptional skills to solve cases brought to them by those who know the true nature of the Guild ... much like yourself. We invite you to place your case at their disposal. We guarantee that you won't be disappointed."

Links: Part 1

• The Transformation of Nanami Kento (complete!)

Genre: Crack, humor, fluff

Summary: An encounter with a rogue curse user leaves Nanami transformed into Pompompurin! It's now up to the first-year trio, with some help from Nanami-pom, to gain back his original form.

Links: ch 1 | ch 2 | ch 3 | ch 4 | ch 5 | ch6 | ch 7 | ch 8 | ch 9 ღ on tumblr

• Ikemen Kaisen

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack, mystery, adventure.

Summary: A cursed spirit develops a massive crush on the 7:3 sorcerer while he's on a mission. Trapping him in its unique otome game domain, the spirit soon discovers that it's bitten off a lot more than it can chew with this particular jujutsu sorcerer ...

Links: ch 1 | ch 2 ღ on tumblr

• He Whose Arrows are Flowers

Genre: Mystery, Investigative, Romance, Slow Burn, Eventual smut/erotic content Summary: Nanami x Curse Analyst Reader. As a curse analyst, your work is a routine cycle that takes you between laboratory and crime scene. That is, until you are assigned to work a case alongside sorcerer Nanami Kento.

Links: Ch 1 ღ on tumblr

• He's got the look

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack, mystery.

Summary: A regular visit to the hair stylist takes a strange turn when Gojo is involved.

Links: ch 1 ღ on tumblr

• JJK: Encounters across the animeverse

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack, mystery.

Summary: The characters of JJK have close encounters with the other kind when strange portals appear within their universe ... crossovers, featuring characters from other anime appearing briefly in JJK.

Links: ch 1 ღ on tumblr

• Geriatric Kaisen

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack, suspense.

Summary: Megumi returns from a day out to find that the inhabitants of Jujutsu Tech have undergone a strange transformation ...

Links: ch 1 ღ on tumblr

• This Fearless Shadow

Genre: Fantasy AU, romance, action, mystery.

Summary: Kusakabe x Illusionist Reader. Loosely based on the film 'Bajirao Mastani', a gift fic for the wonderful @jjk-eugie

Links: ch 1 ღ on tumblr

• Boogie till we drop

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack, mystery.

Summary: Nanami and Ijichi are called in to handle an investigative mission requested by an unexpected client. The mission takes a strange turn when they learn that they're expected to assist in ... writing erotic fiction.

Links: ch 1 ღ on tumblr

• Queen of Thorns

Genre: Action, adventure, mystery.

Summary: In the remote reaches of a Siberian peninsula, Kurosawa Akito, student of the legendary Nobara Kugisaki, learns a fundamental truth about his sensei's strength.

Links: ch 1 ღ on tumblr

• By the Gnashing of my Teeth

Genre: Horror, erotic, mystery

Summary: Famine! inspired Reader x Nanami Kento (MDNI) (Part 1 of 2)

The empty, downtrodden drudgery of your life as a salarywoman is brought to an abrupt halt when you meet your new co-worker. The enigmatic Nanami Kento ignites a hunger in you that you never dreamed possible ...

Written for the Spookinky Event hosted by the lovely @tsukimefuku !!

Links: Part 1

• In another universe, you and I ... (But it's crack)

Genre: Humour, parody, crack

Summary: A short series in which the highly attractive sorcerers of JJK find themselves in an alternate universe with you (with a twist).

Links: Part 1

ღ Jujutsu Kaisen Stand-Alone fics

• Arangetram

Genres: Romance, angst, suspense.

Summary: Post-Shibuya Nanami x Classical Dancer Desi Reader

In the aftermath of Shibuya, an injured Nanami struggles to balance his eroding self-worth with his desire to conduct his duty as a sorcerer. He finds healing in the fragrant garden of your dance.

Link: ch 1

• The Eye of a Little God

Genre: Angst, humour, mystery, character study.

Synopsis: Five different perspectives on Nanami Kento.

Link: ch 1

• To you, young sorcerer

Genre: Fluff, humour

Summary: Papamin fic written for Father's Day! Nobara suffers with cramps and feelings of inadequacy, and Nanami offers some advice, affirmation and hot tea.

Link: ch 1

• Suited up

Genre: Fluff, humour, action, angst

Summary: Another Papamin fic! Ino attempts to present himself just like the sorcerer he admires the most, with some ... regrettable consequences.

Link: ch 1

• Get that bread, sir!

Genre: Fluff, humour, crack

Summary: Written for the Foodies and Goodies challenge, created by the amazing @tsukimefuku ! Ijichi goes to get Nanami lunch, an excursion that turns into a fast-paced battle for a pork cutlet sandwich!

Link: ch 1

• The in-between

Genre: Fluff, humour, angst

Summary: Megumi needs silence and to be away from it all, at times. Yuuji and Nobara will always be waiting in the wings for when he is ready to join them again.

A short, fluffy one-shot for the first year trio.

Link: ch 1

• Thirst Trap

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack.

Summary: Ino and Yuuji unwittingly make Nanami IG-famous through a social media post. As the internet's thirst ramps up, Nanami remedies the situation by roping in the two young sorcerers once again.

Link: ch 1

• Love Thine Enemy

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack.

Summary: The JJK sorcerers find themselves faced with a slippery customer - a cursed spirit with the worst pick-up lines imaginable ...

Link: ch 1

• Good morning, Handsome

Genre: Humour, fluff, crack.

Summary: A JJK short. Gojo sends increasingly annoying 'good morning' texts and Nanami gets his revenge.

Link: ch 1

• Blue Moon

Genre: Fluff, romance, humour.

Summary: A series of occasions when the JJK sorcerers required your comforting embrace ... (x Reader)

Featuring: Gojo, Kusakabe, Nanami and Ijichi.

Link: ch 1

• Quetzalcoatlus

A gift fic for @courtneedsleep ! Happy birthday, beautiful Court! 🧡🎁

Genres: Romance, angst, humour, suspense.

Summary: Gojo x Reader. A chance mission allows you to encounter the conundrum that is Gojo Satoru.

Link: ch 1

• Tongue, Teeth, Eclipse

Summary: A little gift fic for @musubi-sama Happy birthday!

You've enlisted the services of Geto Suguru to assist you with ridding yourself of strange dreams. In the world of curses, however, nothing is as it seems ...

Link: ch 1

• Chimeral Larceny

Genre: Suspense, action, mystery

Summary: Nanami, Ijichi and Nitta foil a bank robbery with a cursed twist ...

Link: ch 1

[unhingedselfships]

Do we think Todo Aoi would accept my answer of short girls with big asses?

[that-onecrow]

I'm trying to draw sukuna as a fairy and just- why does it gotta be so difficult to pose this man