#jj x reader songfic

[hugshughes]

Summer Child C. Loveland

Colston Loveland x fem!Minter!reader

synopsis - When it's announced that Coach Minter is leaving Michigan, it heavily affects his eldest daughter's life. Especially since her boyfriend is a returning tight end for the Wolverines.

wc - 5k (CONFUSED NOISE????)

contains - UNEDITED SORRY! angsty :(, cursing, kissing, cuddling, crying, shouting, lying. people are mean to reader about it. mentions of a car accident! NO DETAILS!!! it's just a flashback!!! comfort (colston is the boyfriend of the year) heavy family issues, feelings of betrayal. it's kind of giving a found family moment? OHHHH COLSTON BEING HOT AS FUCK STICKING UP FOR READERRR, mentions of hickies? can we pretend that it was announced in like a month or so? cause in this universe CURRENTLY (January 28th) Colston like JUST asked reader to be his girlfriend. so maybe this was announced in late March? WORK WITH ME THANKS.

an - well shit writing this was kind of sad. THE TIMES TABLES DURING A PANIC ATTACK IS LIKE ACTUALLY ME. i had one at a party (so fun of me yes) in October my boyfriend sat with me and asked me times tables to calm me down. IT WORKS FOR ME EVERY TIME OKAY? ALSO do u guys realize that whenever Minter!reader calls Colston "Lovey" it's because 1. Loveland is his last name, and then 2. he's her love. IT MOSTLY STARTED BECAUSE OF HIS LAST NAME THEN MORPHED INTO HIM BEING THE LOVE OF HER LIFE. THATS WHY ITS CAPITALIZED WHEN OTHER TERMS OF ENDEARMENT ARENT!

-

you see all the flowers in the weeds.

Your phone rang loudly on your nightstand. Who was calling you so early? It was only 6:10 in the morning as you made your way from your bathroom, quickly grabbing your phone. Colston. What was your boyfriend doing calling you at this time? You slid to answer the phone, a large smile on your face.

"Hi Lovey, what are you doing calling me this early?"

You heard a sigh exit your boyfriend's mouth, your smile leaving you. Something was wrong.

"You don't know, do you?"

"What? What are talking about, Colston?"

"Look at Instagram."

You rolled your eyes, putting the call on speaker before sliding it away, opening Instagram. The screen reloaded before displaying an update post saying your dad was done with his time in Michigan. What?

you're scared of the dark when you sleep.

"No. He would've told me. No way, how do you know?"

"We just got off of a team call with him."

Your heart dropped even further than it had before. Not only was your father leaving, he hadn't even bothered to tell you. Your stomach was forming a pit, you didn't know what to think or do. You realized Colston might be upset with you, jumping to protect yourself.

"You know I didn't know about this, right? I can't believe he didn't tell me. I just- I don't even know what to do right now."

You felt tears in your eyes, why didn't he just tell you? You inhaled shakily. What the fuck? Your dad had touched on the subject of him possibly leaving Michigan to follow Jim, but didn't ever make a firm decision with it, not whenever you were around. Your whole family didn't tell you. You couldn't believe your dad, but even more so your mom, because you thought the two of you were supposed to be best friends. Obviously not.

you cover up your arms with your sleeves, even in hundred degree heat.

"Hey, yeah it's alright. I know baby, I trust you, okay? Are you okay?"

"I don't- I just, why didn't he tell me? He was acting like he wanted to stay. I mean, I don't care that he's leaving, why did he lie about it? He had to have made his decision weeks ago. What the fuck?"

You ran your fingers through your ponytail, you felt your usual front of nonchalance breaking. You swallowed hard, desperately trying to wipe the tears before they could fall down your face.

"Woah, baby, hey. Breathe, pretty. I'll be there in a second. 'M leaving right now. Just sit down and breathe, baby."

You nodded, sucking in a tight breath, mumbling out an agreement. You felt like you were having a panic attack, but it was different than normal. Usually your thoughts went a mile a minute when you had one, but it was like your mind was blank, like everything shut down.

You hung up the phone, two minutes ago you were perfectly oblivious brushing your hair. And now you were sitting on the edge of your bed with shaky hands and tear lined eyes.

You sat on your bed and stared at the wall, doing times tables in your head to try to distract yourself. You'd gotten up to the 17s by the time you heard your front door open, then fast footsteps to your room. Colston's heart broke when he saw you sitting there, teary eyed and breathing sharply. He quickly came to you, kneeling between your spread legs bringing his hands to your face.

"Hey, gorgeous."

You giggled, knowing you probably looked a mess. Your hair was in a now messy low ponytail with pieces falling and you'd only woken up a half hour ago. You melted into his hold before shakily responding.

"Hi, Colst."

"You breathin' alright, baby?"

You felt your breaths slowing and steadying, nodding at your boyfriend and trying to smile.

When you fully calmed down, you laid back on your bed with Colston while he held you. He pulled the hair tie out of your hair to run his fingers through it.

your father was awfully mean.

You couldn't even fully comprehend the situation. How could your dad not tell you? It made you feel like you were in high school again. During your freshman year, your sister had just been born, and your brother was barely two. Your parents were so focused on them that your relationship with them was severely damaged and strained. They just assumed their fifteen year old would be able to handle herself while they tried to wrangle two babies. They missed a lot that year, and it hurt. It had made you feel like you weren't apart of your own family, you felt too old and too different.

That relationship continued for the next two years, though it had ups and downs. It took until you were a senior in high school for your parents to realize they'd been neglecting you. One night after a football game at your high school you'd gotten into a car accident with your friends. No one was seriously or fatally injured, but you'd fractured your wrist. You sat alone in the emergency room with no way of going home because your parents wouldn't answer the phone. You were still seventeen so they couldn't let you go before a parent or guardian came for you.

You sat being pitifully comforted by nurses for over two hours before your dad called you back.

"Hello? What's up?"

You felt tears pricking in your eyes, the dull ache in your wrist adding to the whirlwind of emotions spiraling through you.

"I'm in the ER. I've been here since 9. Some car t-boned us going through the big intersection after the game. We're all fine, but my wrist is broken."

You let out a shaky breath, you hadn't spoken to your dad too much in the past week. It was football season so he was gone a lot, and there were also three children five and under running around your house all the time. You sighed as you looked down at the dark green cast on your forearm, hoping you could somehow wish yourself out of existence.

your favorite color is green.

"Oh shit, what? Sorry baby, I've been at the stadium all night. Did you call mom?"

"Only twenty times."

"She's probably been dealing with the littles. But what's going on? Are you alright?"

"I mean yeah, it hurts but whatever. I can't leave until one of you gets here. You have to sign some papers, I don't know."

Jesse Minter didn't know what to do. He felt like the worst dad.

"Well um, I'm leaving the stadium now. I'll call mom, if she answers I'll tell her to head there, since she'd be there faster than I can. I love you, sweetheart. Okay? I'm sorry, baby."

"It's whatever, dad. Love you too."

You hung up, sitting back in the uncomfortable waiting room chair, eyeing the brace on your wrist. You told the nurse someone would be there soon, and she nodded with a sad smile. Your dad showed up almost forty minutes later, giving awkward smiles as the ER staff gave him dirty looks. You felt so embarrassed. Your parents don't care enough to pick up the phone.

That night was rough, though it was technically the next morning when you got home a bit after midnight. Your dad informed your mom of what happened while you sat grimly on the couch, your legs pressed to your chest.

Your mom had a rough night with the littles, and hadn't had any time to check her phone before she fell asleep. You had felt like a stranger when they sat across from you on the ottoman. They apologized over and over, that night had come as a realization for the two of them. They'd realized that you were still growing up, that just because you were so much older than your siblings didn't mean they should feel good leaving you by yourself. You sat still as your mom hugged you for a while. You'd completely forgotten the comfort it was to be held by your mommy, it made you feel little again. You cried a lot, though the people pleaser inside of you still tried to tell your parents you were fine, what they did was fine. It wasn't. And you weren't.

it reminds you of the summer you turned three, running through sprinklers on your street.

Since then you'd been closer than ever before with your parents, especially since your dad started coaching at Michigan the same year you started. But this situation, it made you feel like all the progress had been pulled out from under you. It felt like you were still sitting in that waiting room.

You fell asleep in Colston's arms as his warm hands ran up and down your back. He didn't worry knowing today, Monday, both of you had no classes or anything else. Your mom called you while you slept, so Colston took the liberty to answer it.

"Hey, this is Colston."

"Oh, hi hun. Is she alright? I know it's not right but Jess just didn't know how to tell her."

Colston looked down at you, brushing hair from your eyes before replyig to your mom.

"She was not very good earlier. She had a panicky thing about it. But she fell asleep a while ago."

Panicky thing. That's what you'd always called them. Your moms heart ached but melted at the way Colston was taking care of you.

"She's not as upset about you guys leaving as she is about not knowing."

Your mom sighed, she knew her little girl. Jesse had begged her to let him tell their eldest daughter, but he couldn't get the courage. Sometimes even forty year old fathers are frightened by their nineteen year old daughters reactions.

Colston heard faint talking in the background of the call. 'Is that her?', and 'No it's Colston. Yes he's taking care of her. Yes she's upset, Jess.' Colston couldn't help but be upset with your parents, they knew this would hurt you, and they still let it happen.

Colston said a few more things to your mom, as politely as he could before ending the call, snuggling back into you and falling asleep.

You woke up groggily, with a headache. You immediately noticed the sleeping tight end beneath you, warming your heart, even if for just a moment. You grabbed your phone, checking the time. It was just past noon, you'd been sleeping for a while. You saw texts from your mom and dad, groaning internally. All you wanted to do was power off your phone, throw it in a drawer, and go back to sleep with your boyfriend. But, you knew you had to talk to your parents. You shifted out of Colston's gentle hold, silently leaving the room until you heard his voice behind you.

"Baby? Where are y'going?"

and you laugh, and you dance in the wind.

You turned to see him. He looked so warm and comfy, the sight beckoning you back to your bed. You fought off the temptation, sticking to your mission.

"I have to talk to my parents, Lovey."

He nodded, shifting around to get comfortable again without you.

"I love you, gorgeous. I'll be right here if you need me. Believe it or not, I feel prepared to be rude to your dad in your honor."

You faux gasped, a light laugh leaving your mouth. Although, it was rather adorable. You knew how much your dad usually intimidated Colston. Him willing to get on his bad side for you was insanely sweet.

"I'll be back soon."

Colston gave you one last wink before you left the room, settling on the couch as you started looking through the messages you'd recieved.

and you sway, and you hug, and you kiss.

Apologies, requests to talk, more apologies. You sighed, rolling your eyes. You called your dad, and there were barely two rings before he answered.

"Hey, sweetheart."

"Hi."

You felt a pit in your stomach over the silence that began looming. You felt the trust in your father that had finally regrown over the last two years being taken from you.

"I'm sorry."

"Well I'd hope so."

You were starting to feel angry, the longer you sat there in silence, the more you felt your sadness being buried by malice.

"Why didn't you tell me? That's completely fucked! You were talking about it like you had no interest in leaving. I don't even care, leave all you want. But don't lie to me! I thought we were all finished not telling each other stuff, I thought you guys were gonna start thinking about how I felt. Having to find out from an Instagram post is a low ass blow. How long have you known you were leaving? Is the house for sale? When are you guys moving to Los Angeles?"

Holy shit. You'd never snapped at your dad like that. Jesse Minter was confounded, he had finally pushed you to your limit, and the aftershock was brutal.

"Baby, please. I couldn't tell you. We feel horrible leaving you here."

"So, what? Were you gonna leave a note on the door for the next time I come over for dinner? 'To our daughter, sorry, we left, we live in Los Angeles now. Was nice knowing you!'"

"No! No, we were gonna tell you soon but then I found out yesterday I had to tell the guys this morning. You were supposed to know before everyone else."

"That's not true. You've known since the championship, haven't you? Obviously the coaching staff knew! I can't believe you and mom. How long have the kids known? How long has it been a 'little secret we're keeping from sissy'?"

You waited for answers, any answers. Answers that your father stuttered out, guilt lacing every word.

"Yes. Me and Jim talked about it a couple days after the championship. I've known that if the opportunity came up I'd go for a while. I'm sorry, baby. I know it's bad. There's no excuse I could make to make it alright. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and I love you. I wish I had talked to you about it, seriously. I just truly didn't know how to tell you, it's gonna be really hard for me to leave you here. You're my girl, my baby. But I know that you have so many people here that love and take care of you."

Your anger was slowly dissipating, the overall sadness coming back to you. You'd be without your family within an hour of you for the first time in your life. That was so scary.

but there's darkness behind those eyes.

You weren't truly angry with your family, you were afraid to be without them. If you knew you would've told him to go and live out his dreams. You were just scared to drift from them.

After talking to your dad a little longer, then to your mom for a while, you hung up the phone.

You felt tears prick in your eyes as you pulled your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around them. You took a few deep breaths, trying to figure out how you were gonna do this without them. You knew deep down everything would be okay, but that didn't stop the voices in your head from making you scared.

You heard light footsteps before seeing Colston peek his head around the archway. His eyes immediately softened seeing your position.

"Hey, coach. What's up, baby? You feel any better?"

You shrugged as he came to sit by you, sucking in a deep breath. His hand ran up and down your back, soothing you. You tried to give him a smile, but you still looked pitifully sad.

even when you smile.

"I don't know, Colst. It's just scary. My dad got the job here the same year I started here, so my whole family had moved here. I've never been far from them, I know it's immature but I'm scared."

oh, summer child.

"Hey, no. It's not immature, it's completely appropriate. You didn't get the homesickness of leaving your family when you came to college, and now that they're the ones going far away I know it definitely feels worse. Last year when we got here I was scared too. Especially after football ended and my parents weren't flying here every other weekend to see me play. I hated being alone. But, I found people that felt like family. I had the guys, other friends, this one really cute girl that barely gave me the time of day because she was way out of my league and her dad was one of my coaches."

you don't have to act like all you feel is mild.

You laughed, moving to hug Colston. He said the exact words you needed to hear. You thought about the people who filled your cup. Colston was obviously the first person who came to mind. But there were also all your other amazing friends, your best girl friend, a couple other football players, the group of girls you loved, and so many more.

"Thank you for taking care of me, Colston. I don't say that to you enough. My dad said on the phone that it was gonna be hard to leave me here but he knew there were lots of people here that love me and take care of me. I know he was talking about you. They love you a lot Colston."

you don't really love the sun, it drives you wild.

Colston was speechless. He felt real good about the fact that your parents felt comfortable to leave you in his care. They knew the extent of his love for you, and were in awe of just how perfectly he treated you. The princess treatment they knew their daughter deserved.

He squeezed you tighter, leaving a kiss on your neck.

"I love you, so 'm gonna take care of you. You mean more than anything t'me."

You mumbled the three words right back, holding him tightly.

you're a lying summer child.

-

You're laying in your bed. It's almost 8pm on Friday night and all you've done is rot since you got home from classes in the late afternoon.

It's been a couple days since finding out about your dad leaving. It's been a rough couple of days. You hadn't seen Colston since that day you found out, you were both so busy, and he'd had a large mix of practices, trainings, and physical therapy appointments over the last few days.

Colston texted, making you smile. He'd asked if he could call you, to which you immediately replied yes. You swipe the answer button the second the call popped up.

"Hi Lovey."

"Hi, gorgeous."

You could hear his smile, he was planning something.

"Would you like to go out tonight?"

"Like bar or date going out?"

"A date, coach, obviously. Can't take you anywhere, too many wandering eyes."

You laughed heartily, if Colston was with you you would've slapped his chest while his hands wandered below your hips. Ugh, is it obvious you missed his touch?

"Shut up, Colston. Thought you said you could fight?"

"Oh, of course I can. Don't doubt that for a second. I just don't appreciate other guys checkin' you out. But to be honest, they can look all they want and still won't be the one 'ya sleep with."

You told him to shut up again, your skin from your chest to your ears flaming. You talked to him for a little longer before he told you he'd pick you up in twenty five minutes, and to dress comfy and warm.

You were donning a large pair a sweatpants and one of Colston's hoodies when he knocked on your door. You opened the door with a giddy smile, immediately pulling him into your apartment.

"Hi baby."

You greeted him right before wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him. When you pulled away from him, you stepped back and realized you two were practically matching. Grey sweats and a navy Michigan hoodie.

"So you're trying to be me now?"

"Hello, you're in my sweatshirt, and my sweatpants? I'd say if one of us is copying the other, it isn't me."

"Actually these are my sweatpants, so."

Colston immediately turned you around, twisting the waistband of your sweatpants to look at the tag.

"Hm, that explains why there's 'C. L.' in sharpie on the tag."

Oh, maybe they were Colston's.

"Fuck you and your need to label all your clothing as yours."

You scurried away from him and back towards your room, opening your closet to pick out your shoes. You opted for your Ugg slippers, which of course were pretty much the same as the ones Colston had chosen to wear tonight.

One mirror picture of your matching outfits later, you were holding hands as you walked down to the car. It was early spring in Ann Arbor, but it still got pretty chilly in the night.

"So where are we even going?"

You realized you had no clue what you were doing, it reminded you of your first date. The drive in movie he surprised you with sent your heart soaring.

"It's a surprise, I know how much you love 'em."

You rolled your eyes playfully, thanking him as he opened the passenger door of his truck for you, holding your hand as he helped you in. You settled in and put your seatbelt on as Colston went around the hood, climbing in. His hand went straight to kneading your thigh once he'd put the truck in drive. Your wrapped your arms around his, as always pulling up his sweatshirt sleeve to trace over his tattoo.

Now whenever you drove with Colston, you kept staring when he turned to look. You didn't snap your head forward like a nervous tween girl, you'd smile deeply when he caught you looking, mumbling a greeting to him.

You drove for almost an hour, your music of choice playing through the car. Happy Instead by Zach Bryan played as Colston pulled to a stop in a rocky parking lot. You weren't really paying attention to where you'd been driving, but you smiled widely when you turned and saw the Lake Erie sign. He'd brought you to Stoney Point, where date #3 had taken place for the two of you, and now was a place where he took you every so often.

The small parking lot was semi-full, which was unusual, especially for this time of night.

"Know this week's been rough, sweetheart. Thought you'd like to come 'ere."

arent you way too busy, taking care of everybody, to take care of yourself?

You leaned over the center console, taking his face in your hands and kissing him.

"This is great, Colst. Thank you, baby."

You mumbled against his lips, kissing him again before turning to get out of the car. To which Colston reached and grabbed your hand, giving you a look that screamed, 'stay put.' so you did. Colston climbed out, going around the hood before opening your door, giving you a smile as he helped you down and out of the truck.

He held your hand as he guided you to the steps leading to the rocky sand. Once you got over the steps, your eyes immediately were attracted to the large bonfire a little ways down the shore. You saw the group surrounding the bonfire, before furrowing your eyebrows when you realized they were your friends. You turned to Colston, halting in your steps.

"What's going on, baby?"

"Well, we've all been thinkin' about you. We just wanted to hang out and be with you, sweetheart. Everyone's been wantin' to make sure you're okay."

when the sun goes missing, aren't the flowers just as pretty?

Your vision blurred with tears, you quickly turned to wrap your arms around Colston, thanking him repeatedly.

"You're so sweet, Colst."

He just laughed and kissed you, telling you you deserved it before pulling you down the shore. Once your friends caught sight of you, they were all shouting merrily towards you two.

Your best friend ran over, almost tackling you in a hug.

"Hi lovebug! Oh, I missed you so much!"

You felt the tears well up again, hugging her tightly.

"I missed you too, pretty."

aren't the oceans just as deep?

Once she let you go, you made rounds hugging everyone else, smiling especially wide when you saw some of Colston's teammates standing a little farther from the fire.

"Hi ladies."

You giggled as you approached them, JJ McCarthy immediately jumping to hug you tightly.

"Hey! How are you doing?"

"I'm alright, this has definitely improved my overall mood!"

You pulled away from him, going to hug Donovan, Blake, and Will. Colston came over to the five of you, wrapping his arm around your hips as you fell into conversation. You talked with them for a while before being beckoned over to a group of your girlfriends sitting in camping chairs on the opposite side of the fire.

As you walked away Colston's eyes followed you, his heart soaring seeing you smiling so brightly. The voice of Will across from him bringing his eyes from you.

the trees as green?

"Dude, you know we all like her and all. But, do you really think she didn't know about all of it?"

Colston's eyes darkened, his hand subconsciously pulling into a fist.

"What are you trying to say? That's she's lying to everyone? Fuck are you on, man?"

"Whoa, Will. Man, there's no need to be like that. She didn't know, that's why she's been so upset. Minter lied to her about it."

JJ talked Will down while Blake put his hand on Colston's shoulder, telling him to chill.

"Nah, bro. You don't come out here then pull this shit. We know you're fucking pissy he's leaving, don't try to be a dickhead about it. It's not her fucking fault. The only reason I'm not slapping the fuck out of you right now is because she's over there, and you're not about to ruin this for her."

and as for me, i'll watch you weep.

Colston turned and left his teammates, going to see what was up with the couple of hockey players that he'd invited.

You obliviously talked to your friends, smiling and giggling with them. You were pulled into one of your closest girlfriend's laps as you talked to them.

"Okay but seriously, how are you feeling? We felt horrible when Colston texted everyone about this."

"Honestly, I'm fine. I mean, I'm still really upset, but I'll get over it. I think it'll be whatever, I didn't think my dad would stay forever."

They nodded, sending sympathetic smiles your way. You gratefully accepted a Diet Coke from one of your friends as you continued to talk to them about everything. After a while, you got up and mingled with your other friends that were there. Your former dorm mate and the other girls from the old building stood with you for a little bit before you felt your hand being tugged.

You turned and made eye contact with Colston, smiling.

"Hi Lovey,"

You said it quietly, not wanting to interrupt the girls around you. He smiled, rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

"what's up?"

He shook his head before nodding down towards the water. You nodded, silently following behind him, hands still locked together.

oh, summer child.

He brought you right to where the last dry sand was, the water lapping a dozen or so feet in front of you. You leaned your head against the side of his shoulder, overwhelmed by how warm he was even in the cold of the night. He smelled like how he usually did, the cologne he used called "cosmic cowboy", and the eucalyptus of his shampoo. On top of the usual aroma was a layer of smoke, it danced around in your head until you felt dizzy.

"I love you, Colston. The most."

Your eyes felt heavy as you stared out at the water. The moon was almost full as it glowed over the lake, accented by tiny stars.

"I love you more than anything."

Warmth grew in your stomach, spreading to your heart.

"You know it's okay to be real' sad about this baby? You don't have to act like you're okay, especially not with me. I know how much it hurt you, gorgeous. You don't have to act like you are only ever happy. I don't want you to brush off your feelings anymore."

you don't have to act like all you feel is mild.

He said the words quietly, and full of nothing but love. It was true that you were acting like it didn't affect you like it truly did. That's what you'd had to do since your baby siblings had been born, you'd had to pretend everything was fine, even when it wasn't, you weren't. You turned and wrapped your arms around Colston's waist, his arms immediately enveloping your shoulders. You felt tears prick in your eyes as your forehead pressed against his collarbone.

"Thank you for caring for me. Thank you for always being the one to be there. You don't know how badly I needed you, need you."

you don't really love the sun, it drives you wild.

"'M always gonna be here, gorgeous. Never leavin' you alone. Stuck with me."

"Wouldn't wanna be stuck with anyone else."

You stood there silently, hugging on the shore. You were sure your absence didn't go unnoticed, but you didn't really care. You interrupted the peace with a thought.

"Does my dad leaving mean I can give you hickies now?"

Colston's perfect laugh cut through the soft aquatic air. He pulled away from you just a little, shifting to hold your face.

"That's what you're thinking about? Markin' me up now that your dad won't see?"

"I mean, I've been marking you up where he can't see, so."

One of Colston's hand moved to pat your ass as he pulled you into a intoxicating kiss, earning awes and whoops from your friends up the sand. You decided in that moment that everything would be okay.

you're a lying, summer child.

[mazzymoonlight]

Are There Still Beautiful Things?

summary: inspired by taylor’s “seven”, follow JJ and reader through snapshots of their lives together.

warnings: mentions of the death of a parent, mentions of excessive drinking, mentions of abuse

word count: 9.9k

a/n: hellooo & welcome to my first fic :) some of this had been previously posted in parts, but after evaluation i realized this needed to be heavily edited & worked better in this format. this fic has a special place in my heart, so i hope you enjoy reading as much as i enjoyed writing it. (p.s, happy obx 3 eve!)

SEVEN

please, picture me in the trees, i hit my peak at seven feet, in the swing over the creek, i was too scared to jump in but i, i was high in the sky with pennsylvania under me … are there still beautiful things?

JJ Maybank thinks the last time he was truly, truly happy was when he was seven. At such a young age, anything seemed possible. The sky was the limit and the ocean was their backyard. He had his mother and his father, and even though it leaked sometimes, a roof over his head.

And he had his friends, his favorite people in the world. John B, who he had been sat next to on the first day of second grade and was now inseparable from, and y/n, the girl whose mother was his mother’s best friend, who he had known his whole life.

It was always the three of them, getting into trouble together and spending nearly every moment with each other. You rarely saw one of them without at least one other, and even at such a young age, it was clear they had a bond some people spent a lifetime searching for. They were lucky, and people liked to tell them that.

In their younger days, one of the moms (or more often, both of them together) would often take the trio around. Watching at the beach while they learned to surf, the parks while they played until red in the face, treating them to dinners at the local establishments, or ice cream on those extra hot and intolerable days.

But their favorite was camping in the backyard. They would set up a tent and a bonfire, and roast s’mores and stare at the stars.

JJ’s mom had a particular affinity for the mystery that hung above them and would spend hours teaching the kids everything she knew. She loved the moon, she would tell them everything she knew. She liked to talk about the phases and what they meant, what kind of full moons they were in store for soon.

But Saturn was her favorite, she would talk about any chance she could.

Did you know it’s actually a big ball of gas? That it would float in water?

The ring is made up of ice and dirt and bits.

It’s windy up there.

It takes twenty-nine earth years to revolve around the sun.

Time must move slowly up there.

And they let her talk too. And they listened to every word. They listened to the tales and myths and theories of space until they couldn’t fight the sleep back, and their eyes of wonder became sleepy, slowly blinking at the woman in front of them.

“Goodnight,” She’d say to the three of them, and then she would lean in close to JJ, and leave a kiss on his little forehead.

“I love you to the moon and to Saturn.” he would fall into sleep with a smile on his face.

Nights like that were always beautiful. Memories like that were beautiful.

JJ couldn’t help but wonder; without them, was there any beauty at all left in the world?

FOURTEEN

sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won’t tell no other, and though i can’t recall your face, i still got love for you your braids like a pattern love you to the moon and to saturn, passed down like folk songs … the love last so long.

The summer they were fourteen, JJ’s life changed. His mother passed, and he was never the same after it. It seemed like the entirety of the outer banks was aware of the light that had been lost.

y/n and her parents were right alongside Luke and JJ. None of them knew what was in store without her. Filled with anger, sadness, regret, and guilt, they all knew that she had so much more to give. Life was not kind, life was not fair, and although they all knew it, they never thought that they would get a reminder quite like this.

JJ stood in between his two best friends, y/n’s hand in his, she was struggling too, but she was holding back. She knew she had to be strong for JJ, she had lost someone special, but he lost his mother, and that was something that he would never get back, something that could never be replaced.

That night y/n stays with JJ, and they end up outside the same way they used to, but without a bonfire tonight. Tonight they stare in silence at the night sky, both thinking about all the things JJ’s mom had told them about the stars and planets above.

“I keep thinking she’s on Saturn,” y/n says, suddenly, the thought slipping out before she can think about stopping herself.

“What?”

“I keep thinking about Saturn, how much she loved it.” She clarifies, “And I keep thinking how happy she must be to finally see it.”

There’s more she wants to say, but figures it’s nothing that JJ hasn’t already heard. What can she say, really? When she catches his smile, the first she’s seen in weeks, she leaves it at that. She’s said all she needs to.

“Yea,” he said, wiping a stray tear. “I bet she is. I like that thought.”

And he meant it. The thought of his mom, an angel on her favorite planet, he didn’t think there was any other explanation.

FIFTEEN

JJ’s fifteenth birthday creeps up, and y/n had worked extra to get him a special present. She had seen it in one of the windows of the fancy boutiques on figure eight and immediately ran in to look at it, begging the store owner to hold it for her after seeing the price on the tag. It had to be JJ’s, she knew it the moment she saw it.

So two weeks later she returned with money collected from babysitting and delivering groceries, the proudest smile on her face. Bringing it home and exchanging the chain for a longer silver one before wrapping it up neatly.

Everyone gathers at the Maybank home on the day of. John B and his father, y/n and her parents, and Pope and Kiara, who the trio had recently befriended.

Luke had even put in a little effort, putting up some simple birthday decorations he had bought from the dollar tree. It wasn’t very much, but all JJ cared about was that everyone he loved was there with him. JJ was happy, but there was a lurking sadness in the back of his head. This was his first birthday without his mom. There was an empty space that would never be filled, no matter how hard he tried. And he was trying very hard.

Despite the weight of loss, it was one of the best days JJ’s had in a long time. Luke had set up a slip-n-slide for the kids, really just a tarp with some water and some dish soap but the kids didn’t care. He grilled hamburgers and hotdogs and even stocked up on more sodas than they needed. y/n had made a cake and John B helped her decorate it. It was sloppy, but it was theirs, for JJ.

y/n had waited until later to give JJ his present. She found him still sitting at the outside table with his hand on his chin, looking up into space like he always did.

“There you are.” She says, siding into the seat next to him. She follows his gaze up toward the night sky.

“Looking for Saturn?” she asks.

“Always am.” He answers sadly despite the small smile on his lips.

She doesn’t say anything, only matches his sad smile with one of her own, and holds out the box shyly.

“Happy birthday Jay.”

He takes it gently, looking at her with a look neither of them can register yet. He leans into her a bit, nudging her softly before tearing at the paper.

When he opens the box his smile drops, and suddenly it feels like he can’t breathe, he feels caught off guard as his emotions blindside him. He had no clue what to expect but this certainly wasn’t it.

y/n sees his reaction and it feels like a gut punch. Why had she gotten him that?

She felt so certain it belonged with JJ but seeing him look so upset now she just felt stupid.

“JJ, I’m sorry, I can bring it back, I just thought … if you don’t like it I’ll take it back.” She tries to explain herself and reaches for the box, but he jerks away from her when she tries to take it back.

She freezes, confused now. He doesn’t catch her reaction, still looking at the necklace in his hands.

“I think I’m forgetting her.” He finally says, voice barely above a whisper, like he was scared to say it. Like this was the first time he was admitting it to himself.

“I’m scared y/n, it’s only been a year, and every day I’m scared I’ve lost another piece of her, what if I’m forgetting her?” And then he’s crying before he can stop himself, sobbing almost.

He clutches the box to his chest like he’s scared to let it go, like letting it go would be the end of the world for the second time.

y/n pulls him in, a few tears of her own falling, thinking of all the things she would do and the things she would trade to take away his pain.

“JJ… you’re not going to forget her, okay, I promise you. All you’re doing is healing, trying to learn to live a normal life without your mom, something that no child should ever have to do. You have so many memories of her, you have so many stories and pictures. You're a piece of her. When you’re older you’ll pass the stories on, and people who never got to know her will know her. And when you're older, older, you’ll tell your kids about their grandmother, the woman who was as strong as a hurricane and soft as a butterfly all in one. You won’t forget her JJ, you can’t when you’re part of her.”

She talks him down, and once he subsides he sees the truth in her words, he trusts her so he trusts what she’s saying wholeheartedly.

“You promise me, y/n?”

She holds him tighter

“Cross my heart JJ.”

“Okay,” He says, sitting up from her.

“Okay?” she questions, wiping the last few tears from his face “because you don’t have to be.”

“I know, but I will be.”

She smiles at that, she knew he would be, even if he didn’t fully believe it, he was the strongest person she knew.

She nods towards the necklace “so you like it then?”

He nods. “I think this is the best present I’ll ever get.” And finally pulls the chain out of the box, staring at the clip confused as he tries to figure it out himself.

y/n laughs, making a motion for him to come closer.

“Here, I’ll do it for you.”

She undoes the clasp and wraps it around his neck, closing it again before adjusting, the charm settling just above his heart.

Her fingers linger on the charm, smiling at the memory, the meaning of it.

“Now you have your own Saturn, always with you.”

His hand closes on hers.

You are my Saturn y/n, he thinks.

But instead, he wraps her in a hug, “wanna camp out tonight? I’ll get John B to come back, the three of us like old times.”

She nods in his arms.

“Always.”

That night the three of them all felt like things had gone back to normal, even just for the night both John B and y/n were glad that JJ could feel some type of relief, even if it was fleeting. They knew in the morning things would go back to the way they were, and JJ would struggle a little bit more than the average person, but if they could just give him a couple of hours, it was worth it.

And finally, when they’ve retired to bed and settled in their sleeping bags, JJ and y/n had the same thought running through their minds as they fell asleep.

I love you to the moon and to Saturn.

And JJ swears he felt something press against his forehead that night, exactly like old times.

SIXTEEN

and i’ve been meaning to tell you, i think your house is haunted, your dad is always mad and that must be why, and i think you should come live with me and we can be pirates … then you won’t have to cry, or hide in the closet and just like a folk song, our love will be passed on

The summer they were sixteen was one they had been dreaming about what felt like their whole lives. Finally old enough to roam freely, exploring all the nooks and crannies unsupervised. The trio had now officially graduated to a group of five, and now they took on the world with Pope and Kiara by their sides.

It should have been a dream. Granted, most of the time it was, but there were nightmares constantly lurking in the corner. JJ didn’t want to admit it, but he was pretty sure he had finally lost his father.

Luke Maybank was never the same after his wife died, but for a while, he at least attempted for JJ. He tried, he really did, to be there, and be something for JJ. But he was losing himself, and in the past year, he was slipping further and further away, turning into someone that even y/n’s parents, who had known him for so long, didn’t recognize.

The drinking was getting out of control, and the hitting started not too long after. When he was sober, he was sorry, but eventually, it became a rare occasion to find Luke Maybank sober

So JJ’s normal became sneaking around his own house, avoiding the last of his family, seeing how many family dinners at y/n’s he could get invited to each week, and saving everything he could from his oddball jobs to get out as soon as possible.

He didn’t like to talk about it, in fact, he never did. He let the pogues think whatever they wanted to and never gave them a real answer when they asked. As far as he was concerned, they didn’t need to be concerned about him, he’d be leaving soon anyways.

But y/n knew. She watched like she always did, she was observant. She watched his eyes get that faraway look whenever he rattled off his latest excuse and the way his smile would fall when he thought no one was looking. She watched him and knew he was hurting more than he would let on.

She had gone to his house to find him but only found Luke instead, and what she saw scared her. She did not recognize the stumbling drunk man looking back at her. And he didn’t recognize her either. The girl he had watched grow up next to JJ, the girl he had roasted countless marshmallows for when she was scared of getting too close to the fire. The girl he made pancakes for in the mornings and the girl he lit fireworks for on the fourth of July. None of the memories registered, he had run her off his property like a stranger had just trespassed.

It was when y/n knew that for the second time, JJ’s life had changed. The knowledge tormented her for weeks. She hated the small piece of her that still felt sympathy for Luke, he was a broken man with plenty of reason to be. She was holding out hope, that something good would happen to JJ.

But when JJ showed up with a black eye one afternoon, blaming it on a group of kooks, she knew she had to say something. She spilled half-truths to her parents, although she suspected they picked up on the unspoken story from the tears in her eyes.

“I’m just - I’m worried about him. I just have this feeling that things have been, I don’t know … harder than normal lately.”

Her parents had sensed the shift too, all her confession had done was confirm the suspicion. Her mother told her then that JJ was always welcome in the home, and her father told her he would try to talk to Luke the next day.

And that worked for a little bit, JJ had visibly perked up and for a minute things seemed like they were back to normal, and y/n was waiting for the right to tell him what she knew but it seemed Luke had beat her to it.

She had been waiting for him at the beach, but her smile immediately turned to worry when she saw him storming up toward her.

“What the fuck y/n?” was the first thing out of his mouth, and now instead of worried she was panicked realizing his anger was directed towards her.

“JJ, what-” But before she can get anything else out he’s talking again.

“What did you do? What did your dad do? What’s with all these cryptic messages of watching us and threatening to take me away? I mean what the fuck, what does that even mean? Take me away? Away from what, my home? My father, my only family I have left? How could you do this to me?”

Her face pales immediately, her head shaking.

“JJ, that is not what happened, that’s not what he meant -”

“So then it’s true, he did come by?”

“Yes but he didn’t threaten your dad JJ, he -”

“You know what y/n, I don’t care. I just came to tell you to stay out of it. I don’t know what you think you know, but my dad and I are fine. We don’t all have a picture-perfect family to go home to at the end of the day.”

His words stung, leaving her nearly speechless. “That’s- that’s not fair JJ. You are family.” She chokes out, but he was already walking away.

“What if it was me?” She calls out, frustrated.

He stops, and she keeps going. “If I were you, and my dad was putting his hands on me. If I started showing up with marks and bruises, wouldn’t you do anything to protect me?”

“I don’t need you to protect me y/n.” And that’s the last thing he says to her before walking away.

JJ’s not around for the next couple of weeks, and it drives y/n up the wall not knowing where he was, or what he was up to.

She spends time with the pogues, but she’s never fully there at any time, part of her mind was constantly on JJ. She finally broke one day and told the pogues to please go find JJ and make him go out on the boat with them. They tried to argue with her but she told them that she was pretty sure that if he didn’t blow off some steam soon, he was going to start getting into trouble, and it wouldn’t be good for him.

She gave them space for a few days, and just assumed that they had picked up JJ and got him out of the house for a bit, so she nearly lost it when the pogues finally confessed that they hadn’t seen or heard from JJ since they had been tasked to go find him.

“Are you sure he’s not at the house?” she asked “Sometimes he just won’t come out, or if you ran into Luke then -”

“He wasn’t there, and we didn’t see Luke either. We checked inside.” Pope answers.

She could feel herself panicking.

“Why did you say something sooner?” She stressed, looking mostly at John B.

He looks down, away from her gaze. “You know how he is y/n… and you were already worried enough. We thought he’d turn up soon, he always does.”

She shakes her head, “maybe, but haven’t you noticed that when he does there’s always a new bruise?”

The three of them exchange looks while she closes her eyes, taking a breath and trying to think for a moment.

“Okay, why don’t you guys go check some of our beach spots maybe? There are a few places I can look and just keep me updated if you find him and I’ll let you guys know too.”

They part ways and y/n knows she’s going back to check the house first. Even if he had left, he was never gone from the house long, there was too much to leave behind.

She parks a little way down from the house, she hadn’t been back since the day Luke had yelled at her and if she was being honest she was still a bit scared. She crept up to the house carefully, freezing she hears shouting, the noise becoming clear once the door swings open.

“Boy, I tell ya, that’s just about the funniest thing I think I’ve heard you say.” y/n hears him laughing maniacally.

“You’re not going anywhere, you won’t leave her, you know you won’t. You’re stuck here, just like me.”

Luke stumbles off towards a trail and y/n waits until he’s out of sight before dashing into the house, finding it still and quiet. She wonders for a moment if Luke had been talking to himself the whole time, not finding it entirely impossible considering how drunk he seemed.

And then y/n is suddenly realizing that the last time she had been in this house was JJ’s fifthteenth birthday, and she was suddenly very aware of how empty it felt. It had lost the warmness and comfort it once held, feeling more like a ghost town than a home now. She felt out of place, which was something she never, ever thought she would feel in the Maybank home.

She notices a slightly open closet door at the end of the hallway, and she swore she could hear sniffling, muffled cries like someone tucked away and hiding in there.

“JJ?” she called out, and when it suddenly went silent again, she knew, rushing over to the door and opening it delicately.

And there JJ was, curled up in himself, knees up to his chest and a photograph in his hand. She knew exactly what photo he was looking at, and she immediately dropped next to him. She didn’t know what to do, she didn’t want to scare him, but looking at him broke her heart.

So instead she starts talking.

“I remember that day.” She says. “That was one of the fourth of July parties, we were all there, even John B and his dad. And this was the year the full moon lined up with the holiday, and your mom was so excited, she talked about it all day and got us excited too. Our dads bought way too many fireworks like they always did. And we ended the night with s’mores, of course, because it wouldn’t be one of our nights without them. You always were so messy. There she is again, cleaning you up.”

JJ falls into her then, and y/n catches him like she always does, and always will. She has tears too, staring at the picture of an innocent JJ, a smile plastered on his face, stacked s’more in hand, staring up at his mom who he loved so much, with no idea he was going to lose her in the next few years. And there was his mom too, beautiful as always, her own s'more in one hand and the other attempting to wipe the sticky marshmallow from his mouth, laughing because she knows it’s useless. But she was his mother, so she would try regardless.

She wraps him up in her arms, her grasp firm so he knows she’s there but not tight enough to hurt him.

“I know why you won’t leave. I know why you won’t leave him, why you always come back. You’re holding on to that last piece of normal. It’s okay, it’s okay to hold on, but not when it’s hurting you like this. This house is full of memories, but it’s haunted and full of pain too. I would never ask you to leave what you know, but please just come with me for tonight, maybe a few days at most.”

JJ has always trusted y/n, so even now, when he was upset and jumbled with emotions he trusts her.

She lifts them both up gently. “Let’s get some spare clothes, okay? I can pack them for you if you want.”

They both walk into his room but he makes no effort to pack. Instead, he picks up another photograph that was sitting on his dresser before sitting at the end of the bed. Without saying anything else she grabs one of his duffle bags, and starts putting in a few extra shirts and shorts, and even grabs a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt just in case. When she’s finished he’s still staring at the photo like he’s in some kind of trance.

She throws the bag over her shoulder and reaches her hand out to JJ. That seems to break him out of his state a little, standing up and pocketing the photographs. He takes her hand and they walk out of the house together, out to her car.

She pulls into her driveway, and they walk into the house together and up to her room.

“Why don’t you shower and change?” She can tell he’s still dazed, and she’s hoping a shower will relax him.

While he showers she makes her way back downstairs, her parents are out of town for the next few days, so she figures she’ll cross that bridge when she gets there. She does, however, text the pogues, realizing just how long it had been since they all began looking for JJ. She keeps it simple and just lets them know that he’s okay and with her for now.

And then, she makes two sandwiches, one for herself and one for JJ, because she knew he wouldn’t eat if he thinks she had made something especially for him. When she walks back up the stairs into her room, JJ is already out of the shower and changed. He looks up when she walks in and she lifts up the plates of sandwiches slightly.

“Eat with me?” she asks.

They sit and eat the sandwiches in silence, and when they’re both finished she runs the plates back down before returning with two classes of water.

“Okay,” she says after a few sips. “Just try to get some rest, okay? I’m going to shower, but I’ll be quick.”

Long after the shower turns on, JJ is still hesitating and realizing how stupid their fight was. All that he knows is that he missed y/n, and now he was here with her, everything felt like maybe it would all be okay.

He had just made it under the covers when the water shut off, and a few minutes later y/n came out, not hesitating to lay down in the bed beside JJ. It didn’t matter that they had been fighting, or not speaking, or had not seen each other in the past few weeks. They would always be there when it was needed.

“I’m sorry y/n,” he says suddenly. She had thought he had fallen asleep.

She shakes her head, even though he can’t see her.

“It’s okay.”

He rolls over, and now they’re both on their back, staring blankly at the ceiling as if staring long enough would make it disappear and show them the night sky just on the other side of it.

“But it’s not.” He starts, “You were just trying to protect me. And this whole thing has been so stupid - I’ve been so stupid. I didn’t like that, us fighting, us not talking. It just feels like … a storm sometimes. In my head, and it scares me when I’m not in control.”

His hand finds hers in the dark, “I know you were just trying to protect me. I was just mad at myself because I feel like it’s my job to protect you, and I wasn’t doing that.”

She squeezes his hand. “Maybe it’s not okay…” she starts, “but just know I understand, and that I’m always going to be here.”

She looks at him then, reaching up and finding his chin, turning it gently.

“And we protect each other, okay?” There’s a desperation in her voice that he picks up on. One that he understands, deeply.

He gives her wrist a soft squeeze, “okay.”

Then he’s curling into her, and she lets him. It’s silent for another moment before y/n breaks it this time.

“JJ?” she says quietly.

He’s barely awake but he still answers her with a tired “Mhm?”

She hesitates, “to the moon and to Saturn.” She backs out, but the unspoken meaning is still there.

He smiles.

“You are my Saturn.

EIGHTEEN

please, picture me in the weeds, before i learned civility, i used to scream ferociously … any time i wanted

y/n blinks and suddenly it’s graduation. She’s never been happier, a swirl of excitement and pride all in one stirring in her stomach. For herself and everyone but mostly for JJ. Things had been okay enough, but no one could deny the hand JJ had been dealt. He faced it every day, the sideway looks and the backhanded comments and the flat-out insults. But he had done it, proved them all wrong.

Luke had even made it to the ceremony, sitting tucked away in the back as he watched his son walk the stage, and afterward y/n eyes them as they had a conversation before finally parting ways.

JJ runs over to the rest of the group, scooping up y/n and spinning her around, cheering and causing a scene.

“We did it, we’re done!” He’s yelling, “we’re free!”

They continue to chat for a while and joke around, taking photos until the parents are all satisfied before parting ways with plans to meet back up at the beach later in the night.

JJ goes home with y/n and her parents, where there’s a small celebration set up for the pair. They eat cake and flip through old scrapbooks and photo albums. He’s happy, but there’s a sting in his chest, wishing his mom was there.

He imagines briefly, what it would have been like had his dad never changed, if he would have been there in the living room with them, or if he would have had his own afternoon planned. He decides not to dwell on it, instead, he wraps his arms around her from behind on the couch. He focuses on her, and her parents, the photo album of past memories. He understands he’s still lucky.

It gets later, and before JJ and y/n leave for the beach her parents call them into the kitchen again, they have something for JJ. He blushes at the statement, although he tries to hide it. He’s handed a small box and is shocked when he sees a silver key sitting inside.

“We hope we aren’t overstepping,” your mom starts, “really, it’s a bit overdue but we just thought - we just want you to know you’re welcome here anytime.”

Her father places a firm hand on his shoulder when he sees JJ getting choked up, “just if you ever need anything. Hell, if you ever just want to come bother us. You know you’re family.”

He laughs a bit, trying to lighten the mood, shaking his head, “Aw man, now you guys got me all emotional.”

Then he looks up at her father, “thank you, really.” And then he turns to her mother too, and she pulls him into a hug that he gladly accepts. “This means a lot to me, really… I don’t … I don’t know what I would’ve done without you guys. Where I’d be… just, thank you.” He tells her.

“You don’t need to thank us, honey. We’ll always be here to take care of you.”

The moment passes, he pulls away, clearing his throat in an attempt to hide his emotional state and he turns to y/n. “Alright, soaps over.” He announces, “you ready to go?”

They make their way to the beach, talking about summer along the way. JJ keeps listing all the things he wants everyone to do together before it’s time to part for school.

They find a spot on the beach, sitting and talking about how strange it is to be done with high school, and the future. Everyone is leaving, even John B. But JJ and y/n decided to stay close to home, not ready to leave yet.

“After college,” he says, “that’s when it’ll be time to go.”

“You would leave Outer Banks?” She asks, slightly shocked.

“Yea.” He says, confused as to why she was so shocked at his statement

“I’ve always said that, why the face?” He questions.

She looks down, realizing that he was right, he had always said that. She never thought about it in detail, never pressed him on it. Maybe she thought all this time that he never really meant it. Everyone always says they want to leave their hometown but how often did they really?

“nothing it’s just, something I heard Luke say once.”

She catches the way his face drops and she tries to backtrack

“No, no, it was nothing bad I promise. I heard him say ‘you know you won’t leave her’ and I don’t know, it’s just the only thing I’d ever agree on with Luke. That you wouldn’t leave your mom behind, and I understand that. You could build something better, be something better.”

He has a pained look on his face, his hand reaching up to the Saturn around his neck.

“Did you mean what you said, about me being a part of my mom?”

She rests a hand on his shoulder, “of course I did JJ. Everyone knows. You’re the best parts of her.”

“Then it won’t matter where I go. She’ll always be with me.”

Then the look on his face turns into a smirk.

“Besides,” he starts, “it wasn’t my mom he was talking about.”

y/n pulls her arm back from JJ’s, retreating into her own space.

“Oh.” She says simply, starting to wonder who would keep him tied here.

The only other girl he really had in his life was Kiara, and they had been awfully close this past year. She had even gifted him a locket for his seventeenth birthday and it now sat right next to his Saturn charm. It took everything in her not to ask what it was, her curiosity was killing her but she respected his privacy more. But truthfully, y/n couldn’t blame JJ even if she wanted to. Kiara was special, she wouldn’t want to leave her either. She didn’t want to leave any of them.

And then y/n started to realize that she always thought it would be her and JJ. Whenever she imagined the future, JJ was there too. She was realizing that maybe it was selfish of her to just assume he’d always be there. She knew he had dreams of his own, and who was to say that she was involved in any of them?

“Hey now,” he starts when he notices the change in her demeanor, grabbing at her face and pushing at the corner of her lips, playfully trying to force a smile.

“Why’s my y/n so sad?” He says with a pout, putting on a dramatic voice like he’s talking to a hurt child.

She pushed his hands away, trying to look annoyed but failing miserably, not being able to control the smile that follows her laugh.

“Well I’m sorry, my best friend just dropped a bomb that he has some mystery woman he’d follow to the ends of the earth. I guess I’m just a piece of moldy bread to you now, huh? I’ve been replaced.”

She overplays her sadness, saying it dramatically, but truthfully deep down a part of her is hurting at the thought.

His hands have moved to the side of her face.

“Come on now y/n, you’re supposed to be the smart one.”

She places her own hands on his, turning her head to the side slightly in question.

“Oh my god y/n,” he laughs, “are you going to make me say it?”

She remains silent, her face reflecting her deeper confusion, wondering what he was on about. She honestly felt like she had missed something, feeling like he had moved on to a whole new topic all together.

“It’s you, you big dummy!” He exclaims, shaking her a bit to emphasize his point.

Suddenly y/n is shocked and embarrassed, moving her head down, trying to hide from JJ’s gaze.

He laughs again and pulls her in, “I would never leave you y/n. You’re stuck with me.”

She doesn’t reply, but she doesn’t need to, instead, she lets him tuck her into his chest. Her eyes land on that locket of his, and she can’t stop her fingers from playing with the charm.

Then suddenly his hand is running up her arm and grabbing hers.

“Why don’t you just ask already?” He says and she immediately freezes. “I know you want to know.”

She still doesn’t say anything but she shrugs her shoulders a bit. Yes, y/n was dying to know what was in the locket but part of her also felt it was an unspoken line that she shouldn’t cross. It was Kiara that had given it to him, so it was probably something that meant a lot to the two of them, and she didn’t want to pry at their relationship.

Of course, he would tell her if she asked but she never let herself.

“Just open it y/n.”

She looks up at him, still hesitant. But the look on his face reassures her, so she pinches open the locket and immediately smiles when she sees the photo inside. That photo from that fourth of July all those years ago, sitting with his mom on the banket, marshmallow all over his face. She can’t help the bittersweet tears that prick at her eyes, thinking about all that JJ had accomplished, and wishing more than anything that his mother had been there to see it.

Then silently JJ reaches up and opens the locket the rest of the way, and when y/n sees the photo on the other side it feels like all the air has been sucked out of her. It’s a photo of him and her from when they were little, looking like it’s from the same night. There they were, standing next to each other with wide eyes and beaming smiles, sparklers in hand. Trails of light surrounded the sparklers, the children unable to keep them still.

And that was when y/n knew. She knew that it would always be the two of them, somehow and someway. She knew that she would go wherever he wanted or needed to go at the drop of a hat and that he too would follow her without hesitation. And most of all she knew she was lucky. She knew how lucky she was to have someone like JJ in her life.

She closes the locket with tears in her eyes, and rests her palm on his chest, feeling his heart beat wildly. When she finally looks up she sees him tearing up too. She reaches up and wraps her arms around him, holding onto him tightly and he does the same.

“I love you JJ.”

He squeezes her tighter for a moment.

“I love you too y/n.”

And maybe the words meant more to both of them. It seemed like over the years that the lines between loving platonically and loving romantically had blurred. Best friends, soulmates, twin flames, they were always something to each other. But the one thing that they did know was that they had time. They had so much time to figure it out and neither were in a rush to figure it out. What they were now was good, who were they to question it?

TWENTY-TWO

sweet tea in the summer, cross my heart won’t tell no other, and though i can’t recall your face i still got love for you, pack your dolls and a sweater, we’ll move to india forever … passed down like folk songs our love last so long

It’s Friday night and the Fourth of July. y/n has been cleaning the apartment all day, needing everything to be perfect. Everyone lived busy lives now, but they were coming tonight to celebrate. She even decorated. A few balloons tied to chairs and red, white, and blue streamers hanging from the doorway.

She hears the front door opening but doesn’t look up from the counter she was wiping down.

“Are you still cleaning? It’s just the pogues y/n, relax.”

“I know,” She says, folding the last blanket and placing it on the edge of the couch “I just want it to be nice. It’s all going to be so different soon.”

There’s a beat of silence and a bittersweet tension hanging in the air.

“Why are you home so late?” She asks, changing the subject quickly.

He lifts the grocery bag in his hand, “beer” he says simply.

She rolls her eyes. “JJ, we have plenty of beer.”

She starts walking towards the kitchen and JJ trails behind her, pulling the pack of beer out of the bag.

“Oh y/n, you can never have too much beer.” He places the pack in the fridge and then starts taking out a few more items.

“Plus, we can’t do the fourth without our favorite.”

She smiles at the contents on the counter, “how could I forget the s’mores?”

JJ turns back to her and puts his hands on her shoulders.

“Because you’re in overdrive, and stressing yourself out. Go take a nap before they get here. You’ve been up all day and I know you had a late night, you’re tired.”

“No, I was going to make some snacks and -” She protests.

“You don’t need to make anything, Kie said she’s bringing dinner from The Wreck.”

“Well, what about the fireworks?”

“John B has it covered”

“What about -”

JJ cuts her off again, “everything is done y/n, we’re ready for tonight. Go rest.”

She pulls him in, wrapping her arms around him.

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

She looks up at him, admiring him for a moment. It was something she caught herself doing often, and if he noticed he never commented on it.

College had been kind to JJ. Once he got a handle on it he thrived in the freedom of it. They were coming up on a year since graduation, and JJ had since shed his childlike habits. He was still himself, the light of the party and loud and still sometimes impulsive but underneath it all, he was a man now. It was evident in the way he carried himself now, broader and more confident. He took his life seriously and was happy to do so.

She smiles up at him, “I’ll take a nap if you come with me.” And when she looks at him with those eyes of hers, JJ simply cannot resist.

“Okay, come on.”

They walk over to the couch, JJ picks up the blanket and unravels it before laying down.

“JJ! I just folded that.” She says, slightly irritated but laying down nearly on top of him anyways.

He only rolls his eyes at the comment, dropping the blanket over them and wrapping his arms around her, y/n melting into him as soon as he does.

Minutes of silence pass, and JJ thinks she’s fallen asleep until she speaks up.

“Are we sure about this?”

“y/n, we’ve spent months talking about this. I promise you we’re doing the right thing, okay?”

She sighs, knowing deep down that he was right, so she lets herself relax and catch up on the much-needed sleep.

-------

Hours later and the night has finally begun. They’re all sitting in the living room, chatting. JJ and y/n exchange a look, and they know it’s time. 

“Alright guys, we have something to tell you all.” Her smile is spreading, but she still turns to JJ for reassurance. He takes her hand in his and the pair turn back to the group.

“We’re moving.” They both spit out at the same time. 

The other four drop their mouths in shock, it wasn’t the news they thought they were getting, but it was still enough of a bomb to catch them completely off guard. 

But the speechless shock only lasts a brief moment before they start bombarding the pair with questions.

“Okay, okay!” y/n shouts, trying to calm all the voices talking over each other. 

“San Francisco, California. That’s where we’re going. I got a job offer and JJ found a few places hiring where he can teach surfing lessons.”

Kiara and Sarah are nearly jumping from excitement, pulling her into a hug. 

“y/n, that’s amazing!” 

“Congrats, baby!” 

“When do you have to be there?” 

y/n’s smile drops and she pulls away. 

“Well, that's the thing…” She starts, glancing towards JJ again, and that’s when he steps in. 

“Our lease for here is up at the end of this month anyway …” 

“You’re moving across the country in less than a month?” 

“We didn’t think it was going to move this fast but things just seemed to line up that way…” 

...

After the excitement and explanation, they’ve migrated into two separate groups, the boys still lingering in the living room. 

“So that’s not the announcement we thought we were getting tonight,” Pope says, nudging JJ. 

JJ looks at him confused, “what do you mean?” He asks. 

“He means,” John starts, sitting up, “when are you gonna ask y/n to marry you?” 

JJ nearly chokes on his drink at that, even spitting a bit of it out. 

“What the fuck are you talking about?” He asks, “we’re not even dating.” 

The other two glance at each other for a moment before back at him.

“What?” 

“What?” The other two echo back, just as confused. 

“And I thought two of my best friends moving across the country was going to be the biggest news of the night,” John says, taking a swig from his beer. 

“What have you two been doing the past five years then?” Pope asks.

“We’re just … She’s my best friend, you guys know that.” 

“But aren’t you guys more than that?” John asks. “You know, you could have told us you’ve been dating since high school and we’d believe it. You really aren’t together?” 

JJ shakes his head, trying to explain what he doesn’t fully understand himself. 

“No, not like that. We’re just… we’re JJ and y/n. Like we’ve always been.” 

The other two share a small laugh. 

“What?” The blonde asks.

“It was never JJ and y/n,” Pope answers. “It was always jjandy/n.”

“Have you guys really never?” He pries. “... At all? Anything? This whole time? Have you talked about it ever?” Pope continues as JJ shakes his head.

“No… we haven’t, we’ve never had to. I just know I’m always going to have her, and she’s always going to have me. We’ve never questioned or talked about how or in what way.”

“But what are you going to do if she meets someone? If you meet someone? Will you move out? Do you two even know how to function without the other?” Pope spits the questions out at a rapid-fire, genuinely curious.

“Of course, we can function without each other, we aren’t codependent.” JJ sighs, taking a breath, “I don’t know what’s going to happen if we meet people, we’ve never had that problem. She’s never mentioned guys past a hook up so I don’t know.”

“And what about you? What if you meet a girl?”

“I don’t know! Good god, what’s with the third degree?”

“You’ve seriously never thought about the future?” John presses. 

“Not in, that sense I guess.”

“Okay, here, close your eyes. Don’t give me that look, come on just close them.”

JJ rolls his eyes but does as he’s asked. 

“Okay, now, imagine yourself five, maybe even ten years from now. What do you see?”

“I don’t know… I just - I just see y/n.” 

…

In the kitchen, Kiara and Sarah are giving y/n a similarly hard time, although it seems to be phasing her a little less. 

“You know we totally thought the two of you were going to tell us that you were finally engaged, right?” 

y/n rolls her eyes at Sarah, jumping up onto the counter to sit, “I’ve told you guys, we aren’t even dating. I don’t know where you keep getting that.” 

“Still?” Sarah nearly shouts, “You guys still aren’t dating?” 

“Ha!” Kiara cuts in before y/n can reply, “You owe me ten bucks.” 

“Oh, so you guys are betting on us now?” 

“Sarah’s betting.” Kiara says, “I’m making a profit.”

The other two are still standing, leaning against the counter inches away from y/n.  

“What have the two of you been doing this whole time?” Sarah starts asking. “I thought for sure after we graduated college the two of you would finally get together.” 

“They’re their own thing, Sarah, I keep trying to tell you.”

“But you guys are basically together, aren’t you? Is it just a ‘we don’t want to put a label on it’ thing?” Sarah presses.

“No, we aren’t together romantically at all. As I’ve said, I don’t know why it’s so shocking to everyone whenever I remind you.” 

“But do you want to be?” Kiara asks, shifting the tone of the conversation a bit. 

“I don’t know.” She says quietly, thinking it over. 

“I mean, Sarah is right you guys have been together for, well your whole lives really. You guys are moving across the country together. The two of you are pretty much starting your lives together. What if he brings someone home? What if you meet someone?” 

y/n just shrugs, starting to feel the tingling of emotions. 

“To be honest with you, I don’t like to think about it. I mean I’ve dated here and there, and I know JJ has too but it never became anything serious for either of us.” 

That day on the beach all those years ago had been enough to hold her over. The thought of always being together in some way, but now that they were getting older and a new part of life was starting, would that hold true? 

“I just know I want him in my life.” She continues, “I mean, I think part of me always did think that maybe we’d end up together but… I don’t know I just, I guess I just want to make sure we’re together because we want to be, not because we’re all we’ve ever known. Sometimes I get scared that we’re holding each other back, that there’s something or someone we’re missing out on.” 

She looks back up at the two girls, shaking her head at her emotions that seem to be building up. 

“But most of all I just want him to be happy you know? I need to be prepared if it’s not with me. I guess I don’t know. I don’t even know what I’m saying.” 

Sarah places a hand on y/n’s shoulder comfortingly. 

“No, we get it. I think a lot of this is just anxiety from the move, from this big life change coming up. I can tell you, the one thing that’s never going to change is you and JJ. You guys are absolutely not holding each other back. Trust me, one of us would have said something if we were worried.” 

“You can’t see it from the outside.” Kiara jumps in. “It’s not always bad to have someone like you have JJ. Never once have either of you held each other back. You’ve always brought out the best in him and he’s always brought out the best in you.” 

“You really think so?” She asks, looking between the both of them. 

They both nod, pulling the girl into a group hug best they can, just as the boys are walking back in from the living room. 

“Hey!” JJ immediately shouts, walking over to the three girls. “Which one of you made my y/n cry?” 

Sarah wordlessly moves from her side and next to Kiara, making space next to y/n for JJ to slide into, sending a look to Kiara at the words my y/n while doing so. 

“Kiara was telling me a story about work.” y/n says quickly. “You know how I get about the turtles.” 

“Oh yes,” He says, lifting a hand and wiping away the few tears, “that would explain it.” 

“What about you boys?” She asks, nodding at Pope and John as well, “What were you all gossiping about, huh?” 

“John was telling me all about the fireworks he brought. You ready to go light ‘em up?” 

She jumps down from the counter excitedly. 

“Yes, let’s go!” She says, grabbing the large plate that contained chocolate and graham crackers in one hand and a large bag of marshmallows and skewers in the other. 

The rest of them follow the pair out, watching as JJ takes the plate from y/n so she doesn’t have her hands full. 

“Okay,” Sarah says, “I’d put money on a year from now.” 

“Oh my god, Sarah,” Kiara says, giving her a playful shove. 

The rest of the night is good, y/n makes sure to take a moment to let it sink in, all their smiles and all their laughs. 

They set off fireworks, and sparklers, throw poppers at each other’s feet, watch the boys run from one another with roman candles in hand, and JJ and y/n eat their weight in s’mores. The night runs longer than intended, especially since the girls decided to bring the alcohol back out. 

Finally, long after the night has settled and everyone has lingered for as long as they can, the group starts to say goodbye to each other. Dishes and trash are brought back inside, excess fireworks and belongings collected, and goodbyes dragged out until JJ and y/n are left in their apartment.

y/n lets out a long sigh, feeling the night and the drinks and the reality of them leaving catch up to her. It felt a lot more real now that they had told their closest friends. 

JJ notices her lingering by the door and tugs her gently on the arm. 

“Hey, you wanna sleep with me tonight?” 

She nods silently, a grateful smile on her lips. 

“Go change and meet me in there, okay?” 

She moves a little bit slower than usual, weighed down by exhaustion, doing the bare minimum to get ready for bed, simply changing her clothes and brushing her teeth lazily before pulling her hair up and walking to JJ’s room. 

He’s just climbing into bed and she follows without hesitation, curling into him. She thinks about how easy it is with JJ, or maybe natural is the better word. Everything just is with him. 

He notices the way she’s holding his hand tightly and to her chest.

“Hey,” he starts softly, “you know if … if you’re second guessing this whole move, just say it and we’ll stay. Or… just tell me and I’ll stay.” 

“No,” she says quickly, holding him even tighter now. “It’s not that…” She pauses, trying to gather her words and her courage. 

“It’s just, you know that I love you, right? But do you know that I love you?” 

JJ thinks he can’t breathe and worries for a second that his heart beating as fast as it is can’t be healthy. He wonders for a moment if he’s already fallen asleep and if this is all just a dream. 

Because this is the moment he’s been waiting for his whole life.

“I’m starting my life with you. Moving all the way across the country… away from our home, our family, and our best friends. But the thing is, as hard as I know it’s going to be … I don’t care. Because I’ll be with you, JJ. I’ll have you. I don’t want anything else. Anyone else. I never have.” 

It’s more of a confirmation than anything else.

There’s a moment of silence, and she holds her breath. Then another, while JJ tries to find his words. His mind races, processing her precious words. Pieces of their life together flash through his mind.

He’s crying before he can stop himself, overwhelmed.

“Just… come here.” He says desperately, pulling her in and locking her into his hold. 

“You’re going to make me cry.” She says, muffled in his chest. 

If it was anyone else, maybe the tears would be alarming. She would’ve read the situation differently, and taken it as a rejection. 

But it was JJ. And tonight is more of a confirmation than a confession. 

He pulls her even closer, tightens his grip in hopes of emphasizing his words, and just how much he means it. 

“I never told you outright, but you had to have known, right?… that it was always going to be you? I’ve never been good with my words but I hope I’ve shown you. I hope you’ve felt it this whole time. How important you are to me. How much I love you.” 

She escapes his grip, pulling away only so she can see his face. 

“I have never felt anything but loved by you JJ.” 

And then JJ blacks out he thinks. Or maybe it was just a mind-numbing rush of adrenaline. Or maybe it was natural instinct that had been lying dormant this whole time, just waiting for the right moment. 

Because one second he was staring at her glossy eyes, and the next his lips had found hers. 

Finally. 

It’s soft and slightly desperate, dizzying and intoxicating. 

A sensation that both of them had been the feeling they had simply been waiting for their whole lives. 

They only break away to relieve the burning in their lungs. 

“Say it,” she begs softly, a little out of breath and a little drunk on JJ. 

His mind is in a haze, a smile still adorning his lips as he tries to get back to hers. “I love you.” 

“No,” She says, pulling on him to get as close as possible, “the other one. Tell me again.” 

He doesn’t even hesitate, knowing what she means in an instant. 

“You’re my Saturn, y/n.” 

She smiles into his chest, “again.” 

His hand finds her cheek, guiding her face to look up at him. 

“You are my Saturn.” 

“Never stop saying it?” 

He kisses her again, then pulls her back into his side, tucking her into the spot that she’s always belonged in. 

“Never.” 

[fairydvsts-blog]

"i love you" in Taylor Swift’s lyrics ‧˚˖ ꒱꒱

some Rafe Cameron & JJ Maybank's stories inspired by Taylor Swift songs.

ꕤ — personal fav. ღ — fluff. 𐐂 —smut. ϟ — angst.

navigation

TRACKLIST:

O1 — he looks up grinning like a devil ღ ϟ Rafe Cameron

O2 — i could see you being my addiction 𐐂 ꕤ JJ Maybank

O3 — say my name and everything just stops 𐐂 Rafe Cameron

O4 — i was enchanted to meet you ღ JJ Maybank

+ more coming soon...

All rights reserved, @fairydvsts-blog 2023 ©

[quin-ns]

High Infidelity (JJ Maybank x Reader, Rafe Cameron x Reader)

Word count: 1K

Summary: after spending time in secret with JJ, you go home to rafe

Tags: happy times with JJ, not so happy times with rafe, cheating (or should I say infidelity), kissing, very minor amount of smut (with JJ), fluff, angst, lying, arguing

Request: “Another swiftie into obx omg hi!! For the song requests, can I ask for high infidelity where the reader is sneaking around with jj while rafe is her boyfriend?? Thx!!”

A/N: I asked for obx prompts based on taylor swift songs and ended writing this in ab 30 minutes (not including editing lol) bc I love that song and the ~drama- of it so much. just based on the song, not a songfic

OBX masterlist + main masterlist

You felt so alive with JJ.

Whether it was just hanging out and having fun, or things getting hot and heavy (and having fun), you were happiest with him.

Right now, the two of you were drinking on a secluded spot on the beach, sitting side by side, laughing together as you watched the sunset.

His arm was around your waist, holding you against him. His smile was so bright as he rambled off some story that amused the both of you.

“You’re ridiculous,” you told him lightly, turning your head to face him.

JJ mirrored you and grinned. His eyes flicked to your lips before he said, “Maybe, but you love me anyway.”

He was right, you did.

He leaned in to kiss you then, those perfect lips of his capturing yours.

You wanted to stay in this moment forever, you couldn’t remember the last time you’d felt so loved and so free.

Things started to escalate, the kiss becoming more heated and both of you responded to the want you felt. You ended up stripped of your clothes beneath him, his body moving on top of you, and those gorgeous blue eyes staring into yours with such awe as you both became overwhelmed with pleasure.

You wished that’s how your night would’ve ended. The two of you together on the beach, not a care in the world, only focused on one another.

With JJ, things were so uncomplicated.

It was long past sunset when you finally decided it was time to go. You reluctantly left one another, but not before making plans to see each other soon. He even kissed you goodbye, and you thought about it the whole way home.

When you got home, you were reminded of how complicated it actually was.

It wasn’t hard to sneak into Tannyhill, they sometimes forgot to lock the back door.

Unfortunately, the door led right to the kitchen where your boyfriend was waiting.

Of course he was. He barely said a word to you today, but now that you hadn’t been home he was waiting up just for you.

How romantic.

You should’ve just walked passed, if you had you could’ve avoided him, but you were still tipsy and really, really needed water.

Plus, you figured he’d just catch up to you anyway. You shared a bedroom, it’s not like you could kick him out. You didn’t exactly have anywhere else to go, either.

“Hey,” you greeted casually, but you couldn’t quite meet his eye as you walked to the fridge. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

Rafe was sitting at the counter, watching you with an angry look. You knew it wasn’t just because you slurred your words ever so slightly.

“Have fun with Sarah?” he asked, not bothering to even look back to see if she was behind you.

That had been the lie you told him. She had mentioned having late night plans with John B, so you figured if she would be gone too, might as well use her as an alibi.

“Yeah, I needed a girls night.”

It used to bother you when you lied to Rafe, but not so much anymore. That probably should’ve bothered you as well, but it didn’t. You did it with such ease now.

You grabbed the water pitcher from the fridge and a cup down from the shelf. You went to the counter and stood across from him.

You forced a smile as you poured yourself a glass of water, but Rafe’s expression didn’t soften.

“That’s funny, because I saw Sarah come back over an hour ago,” he revealed. “She had no idea where you were.”

You set the pitcher down, feeling completely sober all of the sudden. The thud of it against the counter was the only noise to fill the uncomfortable silence.

“She left early,” you countered with a shrug. You grabbed the cup and sipped at the water, trying to avoid eye contact.

“That’s six nights in the past two weeks,” Rafe noted.

You turned your back on him to go put the pitcher back in the fridge.

“What?”

“Six nights in the past two weeks that you’ve come back late, and now I’m thinking you’re not spending them where you say you are.”

You furrowed your brows and slammed the door. You turned and looked back at him. You couldn’t quite read the look on his face. It was something between smug that he’d finally caught you in a lie, and pissed that you’d been lying.

“You’re keeping count?”

“You’re my girlfriend and freeloading at my house, so yeah, I notice when you’re gone,” he sneered.

You wondered what happened to the Rafe that made you smile and laugh. Now he just made you feel small and brought a frown to your face.

JJ made you smile and laugh all the time.

“Where were you?” Rafe interrogated, standing from his seat.

You watched wordlessly as he made his way around the counter to stand in front of you.

You swallowed, but looked up at him dead in the eye. Maybe he wanted to know, but he didn’t need to know. You’d bent the truth too far and he wasn’t going to accept you dancing around it anymore.

Your relationship was dying, and you felt like you were dying on the inside.

“Do you really wanna know where I was?”

But you still loved him. It was sad, but true. As you stared at Rafe, your own question lingering in the air as he waited for an answer, you couldn’t bring yourself to tell him how JJ had brought you back to life.

Your shoulders sagged, defeated by your own inner turmoil. Your expression softened, even as he stared down at you, waiting impatiently.

You shook your head a little to yourself and broke away from his gaze.

“I was out with friends,” you said, brushing past him.

You needed to shower, to rid your body of any evidence before you went to the bed you shared with him.

You had a feeling this was the last straw, but when Rafe watched you walk away without a word, you wondered if that’s what he’d rather believe.

Laying beside him and trying to sleep peacefully was going to be awkward, if not a struggle. But on the bright side, at least you’d be seeing JJ again soon.

[iridescent-petrichor]

my brain holds too many poisons

Pairing: JJ Maybank x Kook!Reader

Warnings: drinking, jj gets drunk and stupid twice, reader's boyfriend sucks

Words: 10K (holy shit)

A/N: Officially my longest fic !! i'm really happy with this one, I've had this song stuck in my head for weeks crafting this fic!! shoutout to two of my closest friends for giving me a bunch of ideas for this :D

(this is a songfic by the way!)

I called you with a few too many drinks in me

Saying JJ was drunk would be an understatement. It was nearing the end of a kegger thrown down at the Boneyard, and he was definitely more than a few drinks deep at this point. The entire night, he’d kept an eye out, looking over the crowd and scanning it every so often just to make sure he didn’t miss you.

You, however, skipped out on the party tonight. Instead, you were spending the night with your new boyfriend, Roman, who JJ openly despised. He was another snobby rich kid from Figure Eight that wasn’t good enough for someone like you.

JJ knew it wasn’t his place to judge who you were dating when he couldn’t even man up enough to ask you out, but he couldn’t help but remind you as often as he could that Roman didn’t deserve you. You brushed him off every time, always coming up with some excuse for him that JJ didn’t believe.

The thought of you skipping out on him to stay with your boyfriend made JJ feel sick, and it wasn’t long before he was pulling his phone out, calling you before he could think better of it.

Well, at least you didn't answer

When you didn’t answer, his heart sank to the floor. He didn’t like the thought of you being alone with him. As much as you constantly assured him that he was a good guy, that he cared about you, JJ knew guys like him all too well.

Your voicemail rang through his ears, and he couldn’t help the smile pulling at his lips at the sound of your voice. It distracted him long enough that there was suddenly a loud beep, flustering him as his voicemail began.

“Oh shit,” He blinked, not prepared to actually leave you a message. “Uh, hey sweetheart. Shit- I didn’t mean to call you that-”

John B, who had been staying relatively sober the whole night so he could drive everyone to his house once the party died down, noticed JJ off to the side, muttering something on the phone. It must’ve been some sixth sense John B had for knowing whenever JJ was doing something stupid, but he instantly excused himself from his conversation and started making his way toward his best friend.

“I just- I really think you’re better than that asshole. I know you hate when I say that shit, but he really doesn’t deserve you. You’re bright, and- and you can cheer anyone up just by being around them. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen and I just need you to know that. I need you to know that you deserve better than him. I would treat you better than he does. I know I would. I love you, Y/N, I love you so much.”

At this point, John B reached JJ, pulling the phone away from his ear and quickly hanging up, shoving the phone in his shorts pocket before JJ could do any more damage.

“What are you doing?” John B asked now that JJ’s attention was on him.

“Was just callin’ Y/N.” He answered, a slight slur in his speech that made John B understand how bad of an idea that was.

John B sighed, putting an arm around JJ, and quickly guiding him in the direction of the Twinkie. “Let’s get you home, big guy.”

Woke up, prayed to God it was only a dream

JJ woke up, immediately feeling the pain of the killer hangover he had. Forcing himself to sit up in the bed he didn’t remember stumbling into the night before, he looked around the room. It didn’t take long to realize he was in the guest room at the Chateau, the room that had become unofficially his after so many years of friendship with John B.

His head was still pounding as he tried to piece together what had happened the night before. Instinctively, he reached for where his phone would be on the nightstand, confused to find it wasn’t there.

That’s when the memories started to come back to him.

He was drunk. He was wasted. He tried calling you. You didn’t answer. He said he loved you. He said he loved you.

“Oh, fuck.” He dropped his throbbing head into his hands, rubbing his temples. “Oh, I’m so fucked.”

You were in the shower when JJ called you the night before, and your boyfriend was the one to notice your phone buzzing where you’d left it on the bed. He didn’t answer, of course he didn’t, not when JJ was the one calling, he instead watched it ring. It wasn’t until he noticed JJ left a voicemail that his interest was piqued.

Glancing in the direction of the bathroom, he could still hear the shower running. Quickly, he reached to grab your phone, typing in the passcode.

You told him your passcode offhandedly one day when you asked him to respond to a text from Kiara while you were driving, and he remembered it ever since. He told himself it was just in case, and as he listened to JJ’s voicemail, he convinced himself he was doing this out of love.

His fists clenched when he heard JJ’s confession. It was obvious he was drunk, but Roman knew hearing this would ruin everything. It would destroy the relationship he worked so hard to build.

By the time he finished the voicemail, he heard you turn the shower off, hurriedly deleting the voicemail before tossing your phone back on the bed.

Well, at least I took my chances

JJ trudged out of the bedroom, seeing John B cooking breakfast, along with Kiara and Pope still fast asleep on either side of the pullout couch.

“Morning, sunshine.” John B chuckled, giving JJ a look. “How’s the headache?”

“Fuck off.” JJ groaned, peering at what John B was cooking. He reached forward, plucking a strip of freshly cooked bacon off the plate they’d been set on, dodging John B swatting at him with the spatula.

“Your phone’s on the table.” John B said, pointing halfheartedly to the kitchen table.

JJ groaned again, not wanting to be reminded of the consequences of him calling you.

“Hey, at least you finally took your chances.” John B couldn’t help but laugh, earning a light smack on the arm from JJ.

“Shut up, dude.”

When JJ picked up his phone, he swore his heart stopped when he saw a text from you.

When you got out of the shower, you threw some pajamas on and walked back into the bedroom, your boyfriend was giving you an unreadable look.

“What?” You asked, trying to smile at him, your grin faltering when he didn’t react.

“JJ called you.” His tone was flat, and you tilted your head in confusion.

“Okay…? Is he alright? Did he need a ride home, or…?” Your mind wandered to JJ at the party. He was no doubt drunk out of his mind, and you were worried he’d gone and gotten himself hurt. Surely someone would’ve had his back, you knew the rest of the pogues were at the party as well.

Roman sighed heavily in a way that made you tense. “I think you should keep your distance from him.”

Your jaw dropped. “What? What the fuck are you talking about?”

When he stood up, you immediately shut your mouth despite the firm look you were still giving him.

“He’s my friend, Roman.” You insisted, though your voice was much quieter now.

“He wants to jeopardize our relationship.” His voice was low, and the way he stepped closer to you almost felt threatening.

“He- what?” JJ would never do that. You knew he didn’t approve of your boyfriend, he made that very clear, but would he actually try to jeopardize your relationship?

“Just- here.” He grabbed your phone off the bed, shoving it in your hand. You took it hesitantly, still giving him a confused look. “Just text him. Tell him you’re not gonna speak to him again.”

“What?!” You looked up at him, mouth agape in shock. He couldn’t be serious, right?

When his face darkened, you gripped your phone just a bit tighter. “He wants to ruin our relationship. You’re gonna have to make a choice here.”

Part of you wanted to keep arguing, to say that you could talk to JJ, that you would sort it out. But something in the look in Roman’s eyes made you nod, backing down.

“Okay. I’ll text him.”

You said you never wanted to speak again

“She text you?” John B asked, not looking up from the eggs he was cooking.

JJ didn’t respond, still staring down at the text.

Please don’t speak to me anymore.

“JJ?” John B glanced up at him before scraping the eggs onto a plate, walking over to see the phone.

JJ moved so John B could see it, still saying nothing. The silence hung in the air for a while before John B spoke again.

“Holy shit.”

JJ sighed, tossing his phone back onto the table with a loud enough clatter that it startled Kiara and Pope from their sleep, looking between him and John B with furrowed brows. Kiara opened her mouth to tell him off for waking her up before noticing the tension in the room.

“Dude, it’s probably not that bad.” John B tried to say, but JJ grimaced.

“Not that bad? I fucked everything up!” He resisted the urge to hit something, pacing back and forth in the room clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Can someone please explain what the hell is going on?” Kiara spoke up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“JJ drunk dialed Y/N last night and told her he’s in love with her.”

“Dude!” JJ snapped, glaring at John B. He shrugged back lamely, mouthing an apology.

“Is that not what happened?” John B asked under his breath, grabbing a couple plates of food and handing them off to Kiara and Pope.

“She’s got a boyfriend, man,” Pope said through a bite of food.

JJ rubbed a hand over his eyes, sighing heavily. “Yeah, Pope. Thanks. I’m well aware of that.”

Kiara stretched forward, grabbing JJ’s phone off the table to see the text. Pope leaned close to her, peering over her shoulder to read it as well.

“Oh.” She cringed, setting the phone back on the table with a pitying look. “Yeah, that’s… not great.”

“Thanks, Kie,” JJ said dryly, shooting her a halfhearted glare. “Real helpful.

“Maybe you can reason with her?” She said, taking a bite of food. “I mean, this’ll all blow over in like a week, I’m sure.”

I was never one to listen

The next morning, you’d barely finished getting ready for the day when you felt your phone buzzing on the table you set it down on. Roman looked up from his spot on your bed, eyeing you before turning his gaze to your phone.

“I can answer that.” He said, standing.

You almost mindlessly agreed until you saw the contact name.

JJ Maybank.

“Wait- Uh, I’ll get it.” You caught the look Roman gave you as you grabbed your phone, shrinking in on yourself. “I’ll just- I’ll tell him to leave me alone.”

The words felt bitter on your tongue, but you couldn’t bring yourself to stand up to Roman. It wasn’t that your boyfriend was a bad person, he was just… protective. And he seemed to know something you didn’t about JJ wanting to ruin your relationship, so maybe you should just believe him.

With a sigh, unsure of if you actually believed him or if you were just trying to convince yourself of the fact, you answered the call and brought your phone to your ear.

“JJ-”

“Hey! Holy shit, I didn’t think you’d answer! Uh, listen-” JJ started talking quickly, trying to explain, but the longer you stayed silent, the more you could feel the tension coming from your boyfriend.

“Please don’t call me, JJ.” Despite how weak you felt your voice was, it instantly made JJ fall silent.

You hung up without another word, exhaling shakily, trying with all your might to ignore the reality of what you’d done. Even a month ago if you were told to not speak to JJ, you would’ve laughed in their face. Things felt so different now, and it made you feel sick.

“Thank you.” Roman smiled at you, but the grin on his face resembled that of a shark.

You felt your phone buzzing, still in your hand. JJ was calling you again. Quickly, you shut it off, shoving it in your back pocket, forcing yourself to return Roman’s smile.

And it's fine, just wish you'd get out of my head

JJ had never gone this long without seeing you, not since the two of you became friends. It had been a little over two weeks since you last spoke to him, and he felt like he was going insane. You hadn’t hung out with the pogues since before that fateful night. They never stopped reaching out, though, telling you every plan they made just in case you decided to show.

Your response was always the same: Sorry! I’m hanging with Roman tonight. Another time!

JJ tried to play it off like he was fine, like he didn’t care. Still, every time Kiara would text you to ask if you could make it only to get a measly text apologizing for missing out, everyone could see the way JJ’s face fell. Whenever they met up, he counted the heads, heart sinking just a little when he saw you weren’t there. Everyone saw the way his grin faltered when your name was mentioned, or the way his attention snapped to anyone that looked a little too much like you, sounded a little too much like you, or laughed a little too much like you.

Every time JJ found himself surrounded by his best friends, he couldn’t help but notice the empty seat that was always left open – a silent agreement to keep it available just in case. It stayed empty every time, though, and JJ was never able to take his eyes off it.

Well, you never did

It was another party. Being deep in the throes of Summer, there were new parties nearly every night, and the pogues joined more than half the time. Tonight was unlike any other, and everyone was piling into the Twinkie for a kegger.

JJ pulled his flask out of his shorts pocket, taking a quick swig as John B parked outside the beach, the rest of the pogues clambering out of the van the second the car stopped moving. John B tossed the keys to Pope, who had agreed to be the designated driver for the night. The pogues often took turns, with the exception of JJ, who recently had gotten into a habit of getting as drunk as possible to drown out any thoughts of you any chance he could get.

It wasn’t long before the group had a few drinks, with JJ being much further gone than anyone else. The pogues were keeping a worried eye on him, exchanging looks with each other every time he went to grab another drink.

JJ was leaning against a tree now, only half listening to the conversation between John B and Pope when he noticed you a good distance away. Your boyfriend was a few feet away from you, and JJ couldn’t help but notice the fact that you clearly weren’t getting the attention you deserved.

JJ could feel his heart beat just a little faster at the sight of you, sat on a log and watching your boyfriend talk to his friends. Roman wasn’t even looking at you, and JJ could see the way your face fell at the lack of attention. He knows you’re so much better than that asshole, but he also knows he can’t be the one to tell you that.

Not anymore.

Still, JJ isn’t able to take his eyes off of you, and as he downed another drink, he barely acknowledged whatever question Pope was asking him.

My brain holds too many poisons

JJ nearly winced at the sight of you. He knew he could treat you better. He knew you deserved to be treated like royalty, and all Roman saw you as was arm candy.

“JJ?” He turned at the sound of Pope’s voice, not bothering to mask the annoyance on his face. “You okay?”

“I’m fine.” JJ waved him off, looking back to you and the way you were sitting on the edge of your seat to watch Roman chat with his friends. You were trying so hard to seem like you were enjoying yourself, but JJ had always known you better. He can see every movement of yours, awkwardly fiddling with your hands in your lap, glancing around the crowd every so often, and the forced smile on your face that didn’t quite reach your eyes. It was always the little things that JJ noticed about you, that your boyfriend would never bother to care about.

Suddenly, JJ stands, ignoring the looks from John B and Pope. Kiara had disappeared from the group a while ago, mingling with some people she’d met a few times before.

“I’m getting another drink.”

He pushed through the crowd, weaving past drunk teenagers until he got to the keg of beer, refilling his solo cup.

“How many drinks does this make?” Kiara’s voice made him spin around, facing her with a forced smile.

“Lost track.” He raised the cup, tapping it against her own. “Cheers.”

She gives him a firm look, one of her hands on her waist. “I think you’ve had enough.”

JJ shook his head, walking beside her in the direction of where Pope and John B were still standing. “Not yet.”

Kiara exchanged worried looks with the boys when they finally approached before making herself comfortable, taking a seat next to John B.

Loud laughter and cheering from afar pulled JJ’s attention away from his friends, glancing over and seeing your boyfriend in the middle of a game of beer pong with his kook friends. JJ rolled his eyes, the story Kiara started telling going entirely unnoticed while he stared down your boyfriend, taking another swig from his solo cup.

They helped me make the wrong choices

“Hey,” Pope reached a hand out, tapping JJ on the arm a few times to get him to look away from Roman. “Are you even paying attention?”

JJ leans away from Pope, lazily hitting his hand away. He looked at Pope for only a moment, making a face at him before turning his focus back to you.

You were sat with your hands still in your lap, wearing an outfit that JJ knew you well enough to know you were uncomfortable in. Your boyfriend wasn’t far off, still hard at work in his game of beer pong.

John B took note of his friend’s distraction now, following JJ’s gaze and sighing to himself when he saw you. “JJ, don’t do anything you’re gonna regret.”

JJ didn’t respond. He was still focused on the way you were looking at Roman. You had reached up at this point, fiddling with the necklace you were wearing absentmindedly. The same necklace JJ bought you for your birthday almost two years ago. It tugged at his heartstrings to know that you were still wearing it, but he wasn’t surprised. You’d worn it every day since JJ bought it for you, of course you still had it on.

When you stood up, JJ tensed, watching you step toward Roman. You placed a gentle hand on his arm, trying to whisper something to him. Without even looking in your direction, Roman nudged you away from him, muttering something JJ couldn’t hear that made you frown.

The dejected look on your face was enough to have JJ downing the rest of his drink, handing the empty cup off to John B, ignoring the pogues calling after him.

We all make stupid mistakes sometimes

Before JJ could think better of what he was doing, he was storming across the beach, sand kicking up under his feet. There was something in the way your gaze softened looking at Roman despite how much he was ignoring you that made his chest feel tight. You didn’t deserve that. You may not want to talk to him, but he needed you to know you deserved better.

“Hey!” JJ’s voice made Roman’s head snap up to him, along with each of his friends. You looked up as well, eyes wide when you saw how quickly JJ was approaching.

You were the only one who wasn’t staring JJ down like he was their next target.

Roman gave JJ a lazy smile that looked more like a grimace. “JJ Maybank. What can I do for you?”

JJ stopped right in front of him, the alcohol in his system mixing with the rage he felt boiling over. “You too good to pay attention to your girlfriend all of a sudden?”

Roman blinked, his eyes darkening as he glanced at you with a look you couldn’t quite decipher before he looked back to JJ. He stepped closer, trying to intimidate JJ with the few inches he had above him, despite not having the strength that JJ had.

“What did you say?”

The beer pong game had now been officially paused, and every kook in the area was watching JJ’s every move. Everyone was on edge, waiting for the pogue to do something worthy of jumping him.

As if they ever needed a reason.

“You heard me.” JJ sneered, his jaw clenching. “Too good to pay attention to your girlfriend?”

But I make them more than most

When Roman grabbed the front of JJ’s shirt, he swore he heard you gasp. He pulled JJ close to him, breathing heavily.

“Walk away, Maybank.” He said through gritted teeth, glaring down at JJ. The crowd around them was growing by the second, and it was almost entirely kooks. There was hardly anyone around that would jump to his defense. He started to wonder if you would jump to his defense, or your boyfriend’s.

JJ glanced toward you, realizing with a start that for the first time in weeks, your full attention was on him, and it only encouraged him further.

Turning back to Roman, he couldn’t hold back the smirk on his face. “Or what?”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you stand up, nervously hovering near the interaction in case anything happened. It made JJ wonder again who you were more worried about.

If he got hurt would you go to him? Or would you let Roman drag you away from him again?

“Or we’ll escort you out of here.” A kook that had been playing beer pong piped up, earning a glare from JJ.

“Did I ask you?” JJ took a few steps in his direction, momentarily forgetting the grasp Roman had on his shirt until he stopped him.

“I think you should go back to your own turf,” Roman said, leaning down to talk right in JJ’s ear, quiet enough that only he could hear him. “Pogue.”

And it's my fault that I live my life

The sound of JJ’s fist colliding with Roman’s jaw instantly incited chaos within the crowd. Kooks were on JJ within a second, but all of his focus was stuck on Roman. The punch sent him stumbling to the ground, but he was quick to rally, jumping back up and throwing a punch that almost knocked JJ off balance.

“JJ!” Your voice was muffled by the ringing in his ears, but he couldn’t shake the knowledge that you were worried about him.

You cared. You care.

JJ rolled his head back, planting his feet and glaring at Roman, who was cocky enough that he let the other kooks let him go, calling for a fair fight.

He knew most of these kooks worked out like it was their only hobby – in all honesty, it probably was, but he also knew better than anyone that strength is useless if you don’t know how to fight.

And JJ knows how to fight.

He took a deep breath, his fists clenching and unclenching for a moment before he lunged forward, ducking to avoid another hit from Roman, tackling him into the sand.

Running away from ghosts

Once he had Roman on the ground, JJ hovered above him, hitting him again.

The kooks surrounding them were screaming now, and a few of them tried to pull him up off of Roman. He shook them off, raising his fist again.

“Just like your old man, aren’t you?” Roman’s voice was weak, but it made JJ freeze.

While the crowd continued to yell and scream and cheer, JJ couldn’t hear a damn thing other than his own heartbeat, the only thing repeating in his head – just like your old man, aren’t you?

JJ saw red, bringing his fist down again and again, deaf to the crowd around him.

He didn’t see the kooks staring at him in fear, didn’t see the few pogues in the crowd whispering, didn’t see you standing at the front of the crowd, jaw agape as you watched this happen.

Word was spreading quickly through the party, whispers of the pogue beating the shit out of a kook rippling throughout the Boneyard and eventually, everyone at the party was aware of what was happening.

By the time Kiara, Pope, and John B got wind of what the crowd was surrounding, there were so many people they could barely get through to get to JJ.

Too many skeletons

Roman managed to shove JJ off, causing him to fall backwards into the sand. He caught your eye for just a moment, distracting him long enough that Roman was able to land a solid punch.

The look in your eyes made JJ’s stomach churn nauseatingly, and he swore seeing you that terrified was more painful than the punch itself. He couldn’t decipher who you were actually worried about, but when he saw Roman reeling back to hit him again, he knew he didn’t have the time to worry about it.

Rolling to the side, he barely managed to dodge Roman’s fist. When he missed, it made Roman tumble forward, giving JJ the opportunity to clamber to his feet.

The kooks steered clear of JJ this time, no one daring to interfere now. Still, he could hear the kooks egging Roman on when JJ wiped the fresh blood dripping from the cut on his lip.

Despite himself, he looked at you once more.

The fear in your eyes made him tense, but you still didn’t look away from him. It made him realize that ever since the fight began, you’d only been looking at him.

Too hard to keep them in the closet where they've been

He looked at you long enough to see your head shake just slightly, but before he could respond, Roman was knocking him to the ground. He felt another hit to the face, dizzying him for a moment before he shoved Roman to the side, hard enough that JJ was able to climb up and land another punch to the face.

He hit him hard, noticing a few spots of blood staining the sand around them.

The pain stinging his face and knuckles was getting harder to ignore, but he wasn’t one to back away from a fight. Especially from a kook who deserved to get a few teeth knocked in.

“Roman, don’t-” Your voice rang out, just before he noticed Roman’s hand closing around an empty beer bottle.

He brought it over JJ’s head, and JJ just barely reacted in time, throwing his hands up to block it, wincing when it shattered over his arms.

“JJ!” He heard you shriek. He almost felt proud in a sickening way, that it was his name you called out, that it was him you were worried about, that it was him you wanted to be okay.

We all make stupid mistakes sometimes

JJ dropped his hands from in front of his face, vaguely aware of the cuts along his arms from the shards of glass. He wanted to look at you, wanted to see how you were feeling.

More than anything, he wanted to hold you.

But still, Roman was glaring up at him, and JJ had to lurch back to avoid getting hit across the face. Quickly, JJ brought a hand back, ready to hit him again.

Before he could, though, two arms wrapped around him and dragged him up to his feet. He struggled instinctively, before realizing it was only John B. His brows were furrowed, and he was going off on him, lecturing him about something he couldn’t process with his heartbeat still loud in his ears and adrenaline still flowing in his veins.

He dragged JJ away from the scene, shoving past kooks that were sneering at the two of them, and continuing to scold him.

You're the one that I miss the most

He looked back only one time while John B was dragging him off to the Twinkie, his breath catching in his throat when he saw you. You were gently lifting Roman to his feet, running a hand over a cut on his cheek like you’d done so often to JJ.

It made his chest burn to know you weren’t his.

John B sat JJ in the passenger seat of the Twinkie, and only then did JJ see Kiara and Pope also trailing behind them, now climbing into the van after him.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get you out of his head. The image of you staring at him in horror was burned into his mind. Over and over, he could hear you calling his name, the way your voice cracked when you were terrified for him.

Worst of all, he couldn’t stop thinking of how quickly you went to Roman the second the fight was over.

Pope gave him a concerned look every minute or so while he drove to the Chateau. Everyone knew how uncharacteristic it was for JJ to be so quiet, but no one wanted to bring up what had just happened.

He was spiraling, and everyone knew it. Even him.

JJ pulled his phone out, sending you a text before he could stop himself.

I saw that a text I sent was left on read

Once they got to the Chateau, John B followed JJ into the guest room, dipping quickly into the bathroom to grab the first aid kit on the way there.

“You’re an idiot.” John B’s tone was harsh, and he set the first aid kit on the nightstand, disappearing for less than a minute to wet a cloth and appearing back in the room to start cleaning up his wounds.

“I know.” JJ’s voice was hoarse, and he was so resigned that John B almost faltered. He thought JJ would still be defensive, and it would lead to an argument.

There was nothing left from JJ, though. He was like a walking corpse, just running on autopilot with the knowledge that you were gone for good.

JJ pulled his phone back out, looking at the text he sent you from the car.

I’m sorry.

You read it a little over ten minutes ago.

He couldn’t stop thinking about all the times he’d gone to you after a fight. You would always chastise him for getting hurt or getting in a fight in the first place, but you were always impossibly gentle.

Gentle in a way John B wasn’t. In a way he couldn’t be. Because no matter how carefully John B tried to help him, he still wasn’t you.

“Ow, dude!” JJ swatted John B’s hand away from his face when he dragged over a cut a little too harshly, grabbing the wet cloth from him. “Jesus, I’ll do it myself.”

Well, I guess I get the message

John B sighed, dropping his head in disappointment before looking back up at him, a stern look on his face.

“Fine. I’ll leave you be. But jesus, JJ, you have to get your shit together.”

JJ nodded, watching John B leave without another word, closing the door to the bedroom a little harder than usual.

Taking a deep breath, JJ stared back down at his phone.

Then he threw it across the room.

It landed on the carpet, rolling a few times before finally stopping. Luckily, it was unharmed, but that still didn’t quell JJ’s anger.

He stood from his spot on the bed, running a hand through his hair, cursing to himself.

“What the fuck, JJ? What the fuck is wrong with you?” He muttered, pacing from one end of the room to the other.

How could he be so stupid? Why did he have to call you that night? Why did he have to ruin everything?

JJ finally dropped back into the bed, fighting back the harsh tears stinging in his eyes. His energy was entirely sapped, and the damp cloth John B was using to clean up his wounds had gone long forgotten on the nightstand beside the still unopened first aid kit.

I lied when I said I really loved your friends

After carefully guiding Roman away from the crowd and inside, you could still hear your friends talking about what happened. You used the term friends loosely, as they were mostly people you knew through Roman, most of which you’d only spoken to a few times.

Now that you set Roman down on a couch, you were staring down at the text JJ just sent you when you happened to overhear the conversation happening behind you.

“I mean, he’s just out of control!” A girl you’d spoken to maybe three times had said. Her name was Mandi, you caught the way she was looking at your boyfriend the whole night. It didn’t hurt as much as you thought it would.

“I know!” Another girl spoke up. She’d introduced herself to you earlier, but you couldn’t remember her name for the life of you. “It’s no surprise though, those pogues are insane!”

You stiffened. They were talking about JJ. Your JJ.

“Well, it’s no shocker, right? Have you seen his dad? He spends so much time locked up, of course he raised someone like that!”

You turned, momentarily forgetting your boyfriend and the bruises all over his face.

JJ had always been polite when you had to sneak off to hang out with the kooks. When you called them your friends, JJ never said anything about it, even though you could see how little he trusted them. You knew better than anyone how much JJ hated them, but he never slandered them to you, all he would do is carefully remind you of your worth.

That’s always what he’d done. Remind you of your worth. And you were worth more than this.

Well, I never did

“Can you just shut up?” The words spilled from your lips before you could catch them, and suddenly everyone was staring at you.

“Excuse me?” One of the girls gives you a look, expecting you to back down the instant you got any pushback.

“Don’t tell me you’re defending the guy that beat the shit out of your boyfriend.” Another said, and you briefly remembered where you were, who you were surrounded by. You cast a guilty look to Roman, who was still sat on the couch, now glaring harshly at you.

“I-” Your brain felt scrambled, trapped between your best friends and the group of kooks staring at you. “JJ’s my friend.”

The girls exchanged looks, holding back a laugh. You took a step away from them, beginning to realize that you’ve been more worried about JJ than Roman this whole time.

For a moment, you remembered the day JJ pulled you aside to remind you how much better than these kooks you were. You tried to brush him off, but he wouldn’t let you. He kept his hands on your shoulders until he felt like he’d cemented the fact that you deserved better in your mind.

“You know what?” Your voice sounded much stronger than you felt. “You’re all assholes.”

With that, you spun around, heading towards the door. For a second, you weren’t sure of where you were going, but the destination was engrained deep within your soul.

My brain holds too many poisons

Just before you could get to the door, you felt a hand on your arm, pulling you back.

“Y/N.” Roman’s voice was tight, holding back a deep anger. “Don’t leave.”

Looking up at him, you hesitated. His eye was swollen, and there was a cut on his cheek with a dark bruise forming along his jaw. When he opened his mouth, you could see blood faintly staining his teeth.

“JJ’s my friend.” You repeated, keeping your voice even.

“Well, your friend just attacked me.” He kept his hand on your arm, tightening his grip a little more. “I can’t believe you’re still defending him after what he did, you’re insane!”

You were too conflicted. Sure, it hurt seeing him like this, but you couldn’t shake the worry you had for JJ. It was a worry you couldn’t shake after being the one to clean him up after a fight so many times.

“I’m not-” You stopped, taking a breath to collect your thoughts.

“Not what? He’s just trying to ruin our relationship, why can’t you see that?” The way he raised his voice made you flinch back, eyes wide with shock. “He’s always been trying to ruin us, ever since- ever since he left you that stupid voicemail!”

They helped me make the wrong choices

Every part of your body tensed up, staring at him.

“What voicemail?”

It felt like something was happening around you, like there was something big looming just behind you but you couldn’t see it yet.

Roman hesitated, his grip on your arm loosening enough that you could pull away. “I didn’t mean-”

“What voicemail, Roman?” It felt like you were outside of your own body watching this happen. Your voice felt distant, as if you weren’t the one speaking.

“Nothing.” He reached out for your hand, growing exasperated. The way he tried to grab you felt performative, like he was trying to play the part of the perfect boyfriend. “Let’s just talk, okay? In private.” He glanced for a moment at the group of girls still standing nearby, whispering while they stared the two of you down.

All he cared about was his reputation.

You took a step back, your brows furrowing. “No.”

“No?” He looked at you, the possessive tone making your stomach churn. “Y/N. Let’s talk.”

Another few steps and you’d be at the door. You could leave right now if you wanted.

But you needed answers.

“What. Voicemail.” You asked again, twisting your arm away from him when he tried to grab it.

We all make stupid mistakes sometimes

Roman sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“That night he called you. He left a voicemail.” He started to explain, not looking at you.

“No, he didn’t.” You looked at him, confused, taking another step away from him. “No, he- I didn’t see a voicemail. He didn’t leave a voicemail.”

Still refusing to look at you, Roman shook his head.

“That’s cause I deleted it.”

And the ball drops.

You stared at him for a long time, feeling your world turning upside down in real time. A trust broken forever in the blink of an eye.

“How did you even-” You whispered, taking another step back. Just a few more and you’d be gone.

“You told me your phone password a few months ago.” Despite the guilt in his tone, when he finally met your gaze, he looked at you as if it was your fault. As if you should take the blame for daring to trust him.

Your mind jumped to every moment you let him borrow your phone, every moment you gave it to him for safekeeping, every moment you trusted him.

But I make them more than most

“We’re done.” You said, taking a final step back. You were at the door now, resting a hand on the handle.

“No, wait-” He rushed towards you, pulling on your wrist. “Please, hear me out.”

“Hear you out?” Your voice was louder than you expected, and if stragglers from the party weren’t staring at you already, they definitely were now. “You looked through my phone?”

You couldn’t believe this. You felt like your head was spinning. Pulling away, you threw the door open, storming outside, hearing his footsteps following just behind you.

“It was just to see what the voicemail said! I swear, I just- I did it 'cause I love you!”

You froze.

Neither of you had said those words yet.

Spinning around, you glared at him, desperately trying to ignore the tears welling up in your eyes. “No, you don’t!”

He caught up to you almost immediately, putting both hands on your shoulders. “I swear, I just did it 'cause I didn’t want you to get all confused. I know you used to have feelings for him…”

Used to?

“What did he say?” You asked, forcing yourself not to look away from him.

“Please-”

“What. Did. He. Say.” His touch on your shoulders was making you feel sick, but you didn’t pull away. Not yet.

“He- he said he loved you. Kept going on about how I wasn’t treating you right, that he would treat you better-”

“He’s right.” Finally pulling away, you gave him as firm of a look as you could manage with tears in your eyes.

And it's my fault that I live my life

“I can’t believe you.” Your voice cracked as you spoke, turning away from him and walking away from the beach. The party had almost entirely died down by now, but you could still feel every eye on you as you stormed away from Roman, wiping angry tears from your eyes.

He called after you, but you refused to turn around. Your mind had already shifted to the thought of JJ, wondering if he was okay.

You walked past a few groups of people before you finally made it out of the sand, reaching the street.

Faintly, you could still hear him calling after you, begging you to reconsider and give him a second chance. His voice sounded desperate like he was starting to cry.

Sniffling, you wiped away another tear that slipped down your cheek.

You still didn’t turn around.

Running away from ghosts

The Chateau wasn’t very far from the party, but it was still a bit of a walk. Long enough that the times you’d wanted to walk back, JJ never let you go alone.

You sighed at the memory, kicking a rock as you took another step.

It didn’t help that after five minutes, you felt a droplet of water hit you. It was starting to rain.

Still, you continued on, the thought of JJ sitting alone in the guest room of the Chateau only encouraging you further. Logically, you knew he could reach out to John B, Pope, or Kiara if he wanted to. But you also knew he wouldn’t. He had a tendency to shut down, pushing people away in his worst moments.

You walked right past his house, knowing better than to check to see if he was even home. Especially after a party, there was no way he’d be going home like that.

The rain continued to fall, growing quickly from a small drizzle into pouring rain. It didn’t take long for your clothes to be soaked through before you even made it halfway to the house.

Too many skeletons

As you trudged down the street, you couldn’t help but think about JJ. You’d been avoiding him and the pogues for weeks. You knew they weren’t stupid enough to know you were pushing them away, saying no every time they wanted to hang out with you. Part of you worried he wouldn’t even want to see you again, but you couldn’t let it happen. You needed to talk to him again.

The last time you hung out with JJ alone felt like years ago. Sure, you’d hung out with the pogues and he’d been there, but you and JJ hadn’t hung out just the two of you in forever.

He snuck in through your window – you started keeping a ladder by it just in case ever since the second time he showed up unannounced. He brought snacks and sat next to you in your bed while you watched movies for hours.

Despite the rain and the tears streaming down your face, you smiled at the memory before your face quickly fell, remembering just how long ago it was. It happened about a week before you started dating Roman. A week before your relationship with JJ got tense and distant.

How could you be so stupid? How could you let Roman ruin everything?

Another tear slipped down your face, mixing with the rain.

Too hard to keep them in the closet where they've been

After a while, you looked up, seeing the Chateau in the distance. You picked up your pace, a newfound energy in you once your destination was in sight.

The lights were on, and through one of the windows, you could see someone moving around. Squinting, you noticed it couldn’t be JJ. The movements were too casual, and the silhouette wasn’t quite right.

“John B,” You whispered, running a hand over your face to wipe off some of the rainwater that covered you.

When you got closer, you saw Kiara and Pope sitting outside on the covered porch. They immediately halted their conversation when they saw you, staring wide-eyed.

“Uh,” You walked up the steps, facing them nervously. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Kiara gave you a tight smile, glancing at Pope, the two having a silent conversation.

“How’s Roman’s face?” Pope asked, earning another look from Kiara.

“He’s… I don’t know, I-” You stopped, having so much you wanted to say, but you couldn’t form a coherent sentence. After a moment, you took a shaky breath. “I kinda just broke up with him.”

“Oh shit.” Pope leaned forward in his seat.

“You did? Oh my god.” You could tell from the look in Kiara’s eyes that her first thought was JJ. She was the first one you told about how in love with him you were, after all.

There was a beat of silence, where none of you knew what to say.

“He’s, uh, he’s inside,” Kiara said quietly, nodding towards the house.

You nodded, turning away from them to knock at the door.

We all make stupid mistakes sometimes

You heard immediate shuffling once you knocked at the door.

It wasn’t long before John B pulled the door open, freezing when he saw you.

“Can I see him?” You asked, not even realizing you were still shivering from the rain.

“Uh,” He glanced behind him, craning his neck to look down the hall to the guest room where the door was still shut.

“Please.” John B looked back at you, seeing the desperation in your eyes.

“Yeah. He’s in his room.”

He stepped aside and you walked into the Chateau. The instant you were inside, you felt the memories flooding back to you. It was painful, realizing that you were pushing your best friends away.

“Need a towel?” John B’s voice brought you out of your daze. “You’re kinda-” He gestured vaguely to you, shivering and soaked to the bone.

You had half a mind to say no, wanting nothing more than to beeling to the guest room to see JJ. Still, John B was already grabbing a towel, tossing it into your arms.

Quickly, you wiped it over your face, drying off as much as you could. You were still freezing, but you felt slightly better.

“Thank you.” Carefully, you set the towel down, now looking down the hallway where the guest room was.

At first, your steps were slow, but by the time you reached the door, you were practically running.

You're the one that I miss the most

You burst through the door, freezing in your tracks when you saw JJ.

He was sat at the head of the bed, covering his face with his hands, not looking up at you. His hair was messed up, and you could clearly see the bruises and cuts along his knuckles, still fresh from the fight. You didn’t get a good glimpse of his face at the party, and you knew it was going to kill you to see what Roman did to him.

At the sound of the door opening, JJ sighed quietly. He looked so defeated.

“John B, can you just-”

“JJ.” You breathed out, making him visibly tense. He looked up quickly, disbelief in his eyes.

You couldn’t form any words past his name, staring at the boy you loved for so long. There were tear stains on his face, and the sight almost destroyed you. Seeing him sitting there, staring back at you, just as speechless as you felt, made your heart swell.

The feeling faded almost instantly, and you felt sick to your stomach when his gaze shifted, and a wave of forced indifference fell over his features.

My brain holds too many poisons

“What are you doing here?” His voice had a harshness to it that you fought hard to ignore.

“I-” You tried to speak, but your voice kept getting caught in your throat.

All you could do was stare at him. How much he’d changed in two weeks and how little he changed at the same time. He looked endlessly tired, and he had his guard up in a way he didn’t have since the two of you met.

“JJ-”

“You shouldn’t be here. Don’t you have a boyfriend to be taking care of?” The coldness in his voice made you shrink in on yourself.

“I don’t- I was-” You forced yourself to inhale, before exhaling slowly. “I was worried about you.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes.

“You shouldn’t be.” His voice wasn’t as harsh now, but you could hear the bitterness behind it.

The fact that you hurt JJ hurt you so much that you almost started crying again.

They helped me make the wrong choices

He’s refusing to look at you, but you can still see the damage Roman had done.

Slowly, you walked toward him, gently lifting his chin to make him look at you, your gaze softening at how bad his face looked. It was slightly reassuring to see that they didn’t look nearly as bad as Roman’s looked, but it hurt more seeing JJ hurt like this.

He moved your hand away, being gentle with you despite the glare still on his face.

“John B cleaned me up. Why are you here?”

“He didn’t do a very good job.” You said, noticing the first aid kit and the damp cloth still sitting on the nightstand.

Opening it, you inspect what supplies you have to work with, before grabbing the cloth and turning back to JJ.

“Can I?”

He nodded ever so slightly, not looking at you.

As carefully as you could, you began to clean up his face. He had a busted lip, and there was a cut under one of his eyes with a bruise forming around it. When he hissed in pain at your touch, you stop for a moment, moving as gently and carefully as possible.

We all make stupid mistakes sometimes

Once you finished up, you took a step back to inspect his face. He still won’t look up at you, and you understood why. You couldn’t blame him for being angry.

“I fucked up, I know.” You sighed, picking the damp cloth back up.

JJ said nothing, finally looking at you while you carefully picked up his hand, cradling it in yours. You inspected the bruises along his knuckles, frowning.

“This looks bad.” You muttered, dabbing the wet cloth over the few cuts on his hand.

“Looks worse than it feels.” He said, his voice softer now. It didn’t have the same coldness to it anymore, and you had to stop yourself from tearing up at the thought that he just might forgive you.

You stayed silent for a while, trying to ignore JJ’s gaze burning into you while you worked on his hand. JJ was the one to break the silence, shifting slightly in his spot on the bed.

“You’re soaking wet.” There was a rasp to his voice while he observed you, noticing the slight shiver while your clothes clung to your body.

“It started raining while I was running over here.” You replied now that you finished cleaning his knuckles, voice so quiet JJ had to strain to hear you.

But I make them more than most

Hesitantly, you took a seat next to him on the bed, leaning back against the headboard.

“I never knew, you know.” You tucked your knees close to your chest, not looking at him. “How you felt.”

“Then why did you ignore me? You told me not to speak to you again-” JJ stopped himself, noticing the way he was raising his voice. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. “Just- why?”

“My boyfriend.” You started, resting your head on your knees. Still, you couldn’t look at him, a deep-rooted shame building within you, disappointed at yourself for listening to Roman blindly. “He told me you were trying to ruin my relationship.”

JJ rolled his eyes, muttering something under his breath. He inhaled sharply, opening his mouth to speak again when you stopped him.

“I broke up with him.”

Now, JJ’s full focus was on you, the anger in his eyes dying just a little. “You what?”

“I didn’t know about the voicemail.” You continued, shifting a little in your seat.

JJ reached a hand out, resting it on your leg as a silent reminder.

A reminder that he’s here for you. After everything.

And it's my fault that I live my life

“I didn’t know, I really didn’t.” You said quietly, cringing at the way your voice broke.

The bed dipped a little when JJ moved, leaning forward to look at you.

“Hey-”

“He deleted it, I never-” You turn slightly to look at him, realizing just how close he was to you now. “I never heard it.”

“It’s fine, I was drunk. It was a stupid mistake. I’m sorry it happened.” He looked away from you for only a moment before his eyes were on you again. “I didn’t mean to ruin our friendship.”

“You didn’t. You didn’t do anything.” You turned your attention to JJ’s hand still on your leg, his thumb rubbing up and down.

“Y/N-” He started, sighing softly.

“No, JJ, don’t.” You knew JJ well enough to know he would start blaming himself, and you tried to put a stop to it, putting your hands on either side of his face.

Running away from ghosts

“It’s not your fault. You didn’t ruin anything. I shouldn’t have listened to him, he-” With a start, you realized how close you were to JJ now, not having the heart to move your hands away from his face.

“Okay. I believe you. It wasn’t my fault.” He said, unable to tear his gaze away from you.

“He’s an asshole.” You tried to laugh it off, but it fell short when you saw JJ’s eyes dart down to your lips before focusing back on your eyes.

“So,” He whispered, one of his hands resting on your waist, the other still on your leg. “Why did you come here, anyway?”

The question hung in the air, floating in the small space between you and JJ. He was only inches away, and it was becoming increasingly hard to focus on anything other than the urge to kiss him.

“Y/N?” He spoke up again when you didn’t respond. But who could blame you? He was so close, looking at you so softly that it was making your brain short-circuit.

“I needed to see you.” You finally said, looking between JJ’s eyes and his lips.

JJ didn’t respond, staring at you with an expression you couldn’t quite decipher.

Too many skeletons

“Why did you need to see me?” He asked after what felt like forever.

“I was worried about you. I had to make sure you were okay.” Your voice was soft, whispering like the words were meant for JJ alone.

“I’m okay.” He said, his voice holding the same softness yours did.

Reluctantly, you pulled away from him, dropping your hands to your lap. JJ, however, kept his hands on you, bringing the hand on your waist up to rub your arm.

“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I’m sorry for letting Roman ruin our friendship. I just- I was just scared.” You couldn’t look up at him, dropping your gaze down to your lap.

“Scared of what?” He leaned forward slightly, still needing to be so close to you.

“I think I was just scared of my feelings.” The second the words left your mouth, you felt warm all over, not wanting to be rejected by JJ after everything.

“Your feelings?”

You nodded, keeping your attention down, fiddling with the blanket laid over the top of the bed.

Too hard to keep them in the closet where they've been

“I’ve always liked you, JJ. I’ve- I’ve always loved you.”

JJ’s breath hitched, and you could hear him whisper your name. Still, you don’t look up at him, unable to make eye contact with how vulnerable you felt.

“Hey.” His voice is soft, and you don’t move away when one of his hands rests over yours. “Look at me, sweetheart.”

Weakly, you looked up at him, seeing a fondness in his eyes that you’d never seen before. There was a smile pulling at his lips

You found yourself entranced by the look in his eyes, unable to look away.

We all make stupid mistakes sometimes

“It was stupid, I shouldn’t have left you because he told me to.” He leaned closer, listening to your apology with a newfound giddiness. “I’m sorry.”

There was a frown on your face despite the growing smile on his own face.

“You love me?”

For a moment, you were surprised, suddenly feeling very vulnerable with the way JJ was looking at you. It felt like he could see into your soul, unearthing every secret you’d ever had.

“I-” There was a part of you that wanted to deny it, to save face and tell him you didn’t mean it. But something about the way he was staring at you like you held all the stars in your eyes made you stop. “Yeah. Yeah, I love you. Of course I do, JJ.”

His grin grew wider, and he leaned closer still.

You're the one that I miss the most

JJ put one hand on your cheek, his other hand still resting over your hand. As gently as he could, he pulled you toward him until your face was inches away from his.

Your breath gets caught in your throat, and you could feel your heart beating fast in your chest.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, so close to you that his nose was touching yours.

Instead of responding, you closed the distance between you two, loosely wrapping your arms around his neck while he brought you closer.

Finally, when you pulled back for air, JJ rested his forehead against yours.

“I missed you.” He mumbled, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek.

You grinned, feeling like your heart might beat entirely out of your chest as you shut him up with another kiss. It was a silent agreement between the two of you, to never leave again.

An agreement that you would be here for each other. After everything.

[sammyluvr]

— REQUEST RULES . general blog rules/info can be found here ! requests are currently open. current sfw preference !

i take requests for ⟢ supernatural : sam including fem!sam & transfem!sam , jo, ruby, rowena, charlie :) ⟢ criminal minds : aaron, emily, jj, penelope, luke, spencer [ current em, jj, and aaron preference ! ]

i write ⟢ gender neutral reader only ⟢ platonic and romantic relationships! [ platonic includes friendship, siblings, or parent/parental figure ] ⟢ angst, fluff, hurt/comfort [ <- sfw requests preferred, but i do write suggestive/smut ] ⟢ oneshots, songfics, headcanons, reactions ⟢ aus [ this list gives a general idea of one’s i’ll do, feel free to ask for others tho! ] ⟢ part twos to existing fics as long as there is a prompt or scenario along with the request [ you can't just ask for part two of such and such fic! i need an idea for how to continue. also does't have to be a directly chronological part two, like if there's a specific pairing from one of my fics you want to see again, like awkward!read x sam from makes you wonder, etc ]

i do not write ⟢ young child reader, i prefer any age specific requests to be 18+ ⟢ for nsfw, please no ; noncon, dubcon, piss, scat, minor/adult relationship, more to be added [ applies to asks also ] ⟢ pregnancy fics ⟢ anything else i stumble upon that makes me uncomfortable

other reminders/info ⟢ you must be 18+ request smut or suggestive [ must have your age (or an 18+ marker) in your bio or the ask that contains your request ] ⟢ requests for oneshots must contain a prompt or scenario with the character [ specifying something like a reader type or au is helpful and welcome, but not quite enough for me to go on — just a kink or two should be good for smut ] ⟢ reactions or headcanon requests may be based off of something like just an au or specified reader type, though don’t be afraid to get more specific if you like! ⟢ be kind and respectful please <3 ⟢ if you have any questions about any of these rules, please ask! i'd be more than happy to explain further or clear up any confusion. i know this list can be overwhelming or confusing to some people!

i take requests as suggestions!! i don’t guarantee that if you send something in that i will complete it, though majority of the time i do! if i don’t at the time, i’ll still write it down/keep the request in case i want to come back to it later.

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI WITH MY NSFW CONTENT. YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY BE BLOCKED !!!

[jareaulover]

My Writing Masterlist

Mostly Making this so I can pin it and have access to everything I've written, but also so that anyone who wants to can also access everything I've written!

Also remember: My ask box is open so feel free to drop some requests, prompts, etc. You can find my request rule here

Okay, Masterlist is under the cut!

Criminal Minds:

3 times Aaron and Spencer were friends with benefits (+ 1 time they were more) | Hotchreid, Smut, Tumblr / AO3

Oatmeal and Orange Juice | Hotchreid, fluff, Tumblr / AO3

Hits Different | Will x JJ x Emily, fluff and angst, Songfic Tumblr / AO3

If I Can't Have You | Hotchreid, angst, smut, eventual fluff, AO3 / Tumblr: One Two Three Four Five

Hotchreid Hatesex | Hotchreid, smut, very light angst, Tumblr / AO3

Last Kiss | Spencelle, angst, Songfic Tumblr / AO3

Will and JJ's Blended Family | Wilifer, Fluff, slight angst, Tumblr / AO3

Don't Call Mom (Always Call Mom) | Wilifer, but mostly focuses on Henry and JJ, Angst, Tumblr / AO3

I Want You Back | Willifer, angst/fluff AO3 / Tumblr

Confessions are a Bitch | Willifer, angst AO3 / Tumblr

He's Not Going to Take Anything Else From You | Willifer, angst and fluff AO3 / Tumblr

100 (Alternate) | Hotchreid, angst with a teensy bit of fluff AO3 / Tumblr

It'll Be Alright | Hotchreid, fluff AO3 / Tumblr

I'll Find You | Hotchreid, angst and fluff AO3 / Tumblr

Will's Diagnosis | Willifer, angst/fluff AO3 / Tumblr

Henry's Baby Sister | Willifer, slight angst, mostly fluff AO3 / Tumblr

Don't Go Breaking My Heart | Willifer, fluff/angst AO3 / Tumblr

Love Under the Tree | Jemily, fluff AO3 / Tumblr: 1 2 (3 4 5 6)

Rejection | Hotchreid, angst AO3 / Tumblr

South Park

☼= Stylennyverse Series

Only the Beginning | K2, Fluff AO3

Lets Make This Interesting | K2, Smut AO3

Out of My System | Stylenny, Smut and Fluff AO3 ☼

Play it Again | Kenjorine, Fluff. Songfic AO3

Established | Multiple Ships (Each chapter a different ship), Fluff, wee bits of angst, AO3

You Belong With me | Style, Fluff. Songfic AO3

Craig Tucker's List of Stuff to try (Bedroom Edition) | Cryle, smut/PWP AO3

Discussions | Stylenny, fluff AO3 ☼

Birthday Boy | Stenny, light smut and fluff AO3

Confessing | Bunny, fluff AO3

Birthday Cake | Crenny fluff, AO3

I'll Be Your Gift (Give You Something Good to Celebrate) | K2, smut AO3

Sticky Sweet | Stylenny fluff and a wee bit of angst, also sexual themes AO3 ☼

Sold (16/?) | Stenny, smut fluff and probably a littel angst. Crack treated seriously vibes lol AO3

Are You Leaving With Him? | Kenjorine, fluff. Songfic AO3

Emotionally Stunted Baby | Cryle, angst with a happy ending. AO3

South Park Omegaverse Oneshots | Multiship, smut AO3

Wrong Number | Cryle, angst with a happy ending. AO3

Trouble In Paradise | Stylenny, Angst AO3 ☼

Supernatural

Willow | Destiel, fluff, hint of angst if you squint, Songfic Tumblr / AO3

Messing with Other’s toys is Never a Good Idea | Crowley x Reader, angst with a happy ending, Tumblr / AO3

Mr. Winchester's Personal Assistant | Destiel Fluff, wee bit of angst, eventual smut, AO3 (i haven't actually posted it to Tumblr yet)

All Grown Up

What to do when your girlfriend has depression. | Kimi Finster/Lil DeVille hurt/comfort, Tumblr / AO3

[bluebirdsboi]

Yuuri on Ice Masterlist | Last Updated: 6/12/23

Key

Fluff = 🥰 | Angst = 😢 | Smut = 🥵 | Hurt Comfort = 🩹 Platonic = 🤝 Headcanons = 📝 | ABC Headcanons = 👩‍🏫 | Oneshot = 📘 | Series = 📚 AU = 🌎 | Songfic = 🎵 Male Reader = 💙 | Gender Neutral Reader = 💜 | Female x Female = 💖 Story on hold = ✋ | Character on hold = 🔒

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Christophe Giacometti

Coming soon...

Emil Nikola

Coming soon...

Jean-Jacques Leroy (JJ)

Coming soon...

Michele Crispino

Coming soon...

Otabek Altin

Coming soon...

Yuri Katsuki

Coming soon...

[rudysrings]

Easy - JJ x reader

A songfic based on Camila Cabello’s Easy

Summary: You’re a complicated girl, but JJ know this. He loves you anyways. It takes you a while to realize that he doesn’t love you in spite of your flaws; he loves you because of them.

You tell me that I'm complicated And that might be an understatement Anything else?

The two of you argued very rarely. You understood each other too much to actually get into an argument. The problem was, however, was that when you did fight, it was a huge ordeal, and you had trouble backing down, instead just adding fuel to the fire.

At one point in your argument that night on the beach, JJ closed the distance between you, grasping your shoulders and shaking you in frustration. “Fucking hell, you’re just so complicated!”

You stopped yelling. He was right, of course. He rarely yelled back, but when he did, he was right. Honestly, crazy might have been more accurate. You knew you had issues. Your family life was tough, your past relationships had molded you into a ball of caution, ready to lash out at any sign of disloyalty. At the same time, you knew it was no excuse for you to act out.

You admired JJ. He had waded through so much shit and come out of the end of it relatively okay, he came out of it perfect when compared to you.

Every day, he inspired you to be better than you were yesterday, because even if you were stupid sometimes, the one thing that you knew with absolute certainty was that JJ deserved the best. You knew you weren’t the best, but you would fight tooth and nail to be better.

Tell me that I'm indecisive Fickle, but I try to hide it Anything else?

You were constantly contradicting yourself. You asked him to leave and then yelled at him when he didn’t stay.

JJ called you out on it, saying that you didn��t know what you wanted. “You keep pushing me away and then you keep coming back only to push me away again. C’mon, darling, you’re giving me whiplash.”

Your shoulders slumped and you looked down, squeezing your toes together and gathering sand. “Jesus, JJ. You shouldn’t have to deal with this—with me…” You looked up at him. “Maybe you would be better off with a girl who’s got her shit together.”

JJ’s arm flinched, angry, as if the very thought of being with anyone other than you made him uncomfortable.

You tell me that I overthink 'Til I ruin a good thing Anything else?

He shook his head, chuckling sadly. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his cargo shorts and looked out at the waves crashing furiously on the shore. “Man, you think too much. You keep trying to find something wrong with us. He cocked his head as looked at you. “When are you going to accept the fact that we’re a good thing?”

You tell me that you'd rather fight Than spend a single peaceful night With somebody else

You stepped back and scoffed. God, he just kept criticizing your character today. “Wow. You just never stop. You got anything else to say about me?”

JJ walked over to you, nodding. “Yeah, I reckon I do.”

You quirked an eyebrow, shocked at his nerve.

Then he smiled, tilting your chin up to look at him. “As much as you keep trying to ruin us, I know we’re beautiful. You’re my girl and I’d rather fight with you every night of my life than spend it peacefully with anybody else.”

And then he kissed you, melting away your anger just like that.

You really, really know me The future and the old me All of the mazes and the madness in my mind

You really, really love me You know me and you love me And it's the kind of thing I always hoped I'd find (yeah)

You tried not to smile, but you did, and he smiled back against your lips. He really did know you inside and out, knew what made you tick, what made you cry and exactly how to make you smile.

You said to him, barely at a whisper, as if you didn’t want him to know. “I guess I’m just trying to prepare for when you leave me.”

JJ frowned. “Don’t say when. It’s not going to happen.”

You shuddered. “I’m just afraid.”

You pulled you closer, so that you were standing on his toes and brushed you nose with his. “I know, darling, I know,” He whispered against your mouth. “I love you.”

You grinned. “I never thought I’d get this, J. I always hope but, I really never dreamed that I could be so in love with someone.”

You weren’t prepared for the blinding smile he gifted you, almost falling back at the sight. “It’s terrifying isn’t it?” He asked.

You nodded, humming in agreement.

He took your hand, leading you off the beach. “Let’s go,” he said, nodding towards the dirt bike you had gotten here on.

Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy

Though you had driven the two of you to the kick-back at the beach that night, you were too physically and mentally drained to drive now so JJ took the job, you wrapping your arms tightly around his middle as he drove. With your forehead on his back, your thoughts wandered. You were difficult to love, your past lovers had made sure you knew that. It became a truth in your head, until JJ. He made it seem like loving you was natural, it came easy, rolled off him in delicate waves. He never seemed irritated at having to deal with your overthinking mind and easily triggered imagination. He had the patience of a saint when it came to you and it never failed to amaze you. When you asked him about it, he would shrug and say he didn’t have much of a reason why he was that way with you. “But if I had to guess, it’s because it’s easy to love you.”

Touch me 'til I find myself, in a feeling Tell me with your hands that you're never leaving

That night, JJ took you in his lap, your hair a curtain around the two of you, making your private moment in the spare bedroom of the Chateau even more intimate. You spent of a lot of time just feeling you, and you him.

His warm, familiar hands brushing across your shoulders, your back, your hips, your thighs. Gripping you tightly, saying without words that he was always going to hold onto you. He was physically grounding himself to you, kissing your neck as he whispered. “There’s no when. I’m always going to stay. You’re my girl.”

You blinked away the tears, kissing his jaw as he mumbled. “Never gonna leave…I can’t.”

I never liked my crooked teeth You tell me they're your favorite thing Anything else?

The next morning, JJ woke you up with a series of kisses all over your face, ending at your lips. You pulled away and smiled wide, before quickly covering your mouth with your hand.

JJ wrinkled his nose. He swatted your hand away, pecking your cheek. “Don’t do that. Your crooked teeth are my favorite thing.”

His hands wandered, sliding over your hips and around your thighs, which he hooked around himself, pressing himself closer to you.

You saw what he trying to initiate and you shook your head. “No, no, no, J. You know morning sex isn’t my thing.”

JJ pouted adorably. “Well, why not?”

You laughed, “Well, it’s light out. You can see everything. All the stretch marks around my thighs and the scars on my knees.”

JJ shook his head, smiling sadly. He leaned over you, crawling down your body and finding said stretch marks. He looked up at you coyly before looking back at what was in front of him, slowly placing open mouthed kisses all over your bare thighs.

All I know is you, heal me when I'm broken Heal me when I'm broken, oh All I know is you, saved me and you know it Saved me and you know it

He moved to your knees, frowning at the marred skin. He kissed those, too, even more fervently, as if he could heal them with sheer passion.

You were surprised to find yourself crying, tears filling your eyes at the tender gesture. JJ noticed immediately, moving back up to you as soon as he noticed. “Hey, hey, hey…what’s wrong?”

You shook your head against his shoulder. “You saved me, JJ. I don’t know where I’d be without you. I don’t know how you do it, I make it so damn hard for you—”

JJ tilted your mouth up to meet his, stopping right before your lips met. He smirked. “It’s not hard at all. It’s simple really. It’s easy to love you.”

You giggled. “You spoil me, Maybank.”

He simply nodded, flipping so that you were on top of him. He tucked your hair behind your ear as he looked at you with absolute adoration. “I know.”

Always thought I was hard to love 'Til you made it seem so easy, seem so easy

[caitlyn-winchester]

Pasta

Song!fic: Pasta- New Rules

Summary: JJ takes the reader out for a date at the local country club. When the reader is left alone, she overhears some unsolicited comments from Kooks about her body. This causes her to spiral down a self-loathing path and questions why JJ is someone like her. After a week of odd behavior, he needs to find out his girlfriend is acting so different.

TW: body-image issues, self-hatred, bullying, mentions of calories and calorie counting. angst & fluff

A/N: this is my first song fic, I hope I did it right! Feedback is appreciated because it helps me write better!

All she wanted was a bowl of pasta

Without anybody lookin’ at her

So I asked her “Baby, what’s the matter with that?”

JJ recently got promoted from bus boy to waiter at his job at the local country club. As part of his promotion he was rewarded one free dinner with a plus one at the restaurant. He took you, his girlfriend, of course and you were both really excited about tonight. Kiara helped you get ready for the night, picking you out a red spaghetti strap dress. She styled your hair as you applied some makeup. You felt really confident after you were done getting ready. You don't remember the last time you got to dress up for anything.

You and JJ were both seated at the restaurant, looking over the menus.

“Babe, you gotta get their Mac-n-Cheese. It's go good. I snuck some the other day. Its like 5 different kinds of cheeses. They put bread crumbs on top and they toast it in the oven.” JJ said as he looked over the menu, licking his lips. He was like a kid in the candy store. “Actually lets get one order of that and split it. I think I want the steak and we need some appetizers too.”

“That does sound good.” You hummed, eyeing up the fried chicken sandwich. “Isn't this going to be a lot of food though?”

“It’s free.” JJ shrugged. “Plus a beautiful girl like you deserves whatever the hell she wants.” You blushed at his comment, fiddling with the menu. Even after all this time, JJ still has the ability to make you blush.

The waiter came up and took your guys’ order, leaving a complementary basket of bread and butter. Why is restaurant bread so good? Your food came and you both dug in immediately. You scooped some of the infamous Mac-n-cheese on your plate. You took a bite of it and the flavors immediately melted on your tongue.

“Holy shit.” You moaned out, “This is really good.”

“Told ya.” JJ sent a wink, digging into his steak. You and JJ continued eating your meals, having casual conversations until JJ excused himself to go to the bathroom.

“Stephanie,” You heard a kook, Tiffany Ardmore, speak up from the table behind you, “Do you see the girl JJ Maybank brought here?”

“Yea.” Stephanie Ray said after a beat. “Is that his girlfriend?”

“Think so. Don’t know why, so not his type.” Tiffany snickered.

“For real. I mean look at her.” Stephanie said with a venom in her voice. “JJ is like one of the hottest guys in Outer Banks. Even for a Pogue, he could have anyone on this island and he chose that.”

“Look at her dress.” Tiffany scoffed. “It’s out of season and look at the straps digging into her skin. She needs to lose some weight before JJ leaves her for someone more prettier.”

“Yeah that’s not going to happen.” Stephanie laughed. “Greedy Pogue. She ate so much tonight and that Mac-n-Cheese probably has over 800 calories in it.”

As the gossiping continued, you felt worse and worse about yourself. You wanted to speak up but you didn’t want to cost JJ his job. Their words sunk in and you couldn’t help but over analyze everything they said. Suddenly you could feel how the straps dug into your skin and how it clung tightly to your body. The confidence you had merely an hour ago has diminished.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw JJ walking back to the table. He looked so handsome in his dress shirt and black pants.

“Did you know they have deodorant and fancy hair shit in the bathrooms here?” JJ asked as he gave you a kiss on the cheek before he sat back down. “Kooks, man.”

You hummed, pushing the mac-n-cheese around your plate. Your appetite is suddenly gone but you don’t wanna ruin the night for JJ. He was so excited about this and so were you. You were looking forward to a night out with your boyfriend alone, something that is very rare. But now you could get Tiffany’s and Stephanie’s words out of your head.

“….everything alright?” Your head snapped up once you registered JJ’s voice, his features laced with worry.

“Yea, sorry.” You put on your best poker face, smiling to your boyfriend. “I was just thinking about my Psychology project that’s due in two weeks. I haven’t started it yet.”

“Don’t worry about that tonight.” JJ held out his hand for you to take, which you did. ”You’re like super smart. You’ll get it done.”

“Thanks JJ. I love you.” You squeezed his hand.

“I love you too, beautiful.”

Sweat pants, hair up on the sofa

Swear down, yeah that’s how I know ya

She said that I look alright, I

I don’t wanna go out tonight

So can we stay in and I can make you something,

We ain’t gotta dress up for nothing

Feet up with the TV on, and all she wanted…

You were currently sitting on the sofa, in JJ’s hoodie and some sweatpants. That’s all you have been wearing lately, loose fitting clothes. It covered up all your insecurities. You scrolled through the calorie app on your phone. You were so hungry but you were almost at your calorie limit for the day. You sighed, jamming your phone on its charger and turning on the TV. A knock come from your front door. You got up and answered it, the door revealing JJ.

“Hi pretty girl.” JJ stepped into your house, leaning down to give you a kiss. “There is a kegger at the Boneyard tonight. Wanna go?”

“Oh,” you faltered. “I kinda wanted to stay in tonight.” You bit your lip, scared he will be disappointed. This is the third time you rejected hanging out with him this week. “You can go though. I don’t wanna ruin your fun.” You patted his chest.

“I wanna spend time with you.” JJ pulled you close to him, resting his hands at your waist. “I miss you.”

“I’m right here, babe.” You gave out a dry laugh, trying to play off what he is referring too. JJ gave you a look. He was conflicted, he knows something else is going on but he doesn’t want to push you.

“Okay,” He sighed, “How about we stay in, order take-out and Netflix n’ Chill” He smirked at you, wiggling his eyebrows. You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help but smile at him. Both of you settled in on the couch. JJ threw a blanket over your two, putting his feet up on the coffee table. JJ sent a quick take-out order through his phone, not telling you from where. It’s a surprise, apparently. You cuddled into his chest as he played with your hair and rubbed your back. You were looking at TV but your mind wasn’t completely there. You were too worried about JJ’s hand on your back and how he probably felt your fat.

All she wanted was a bowl of pasta

Without anybody looking at her

So I asked her, "Baby, what's the matter with that?"

She said, "I know it's stupid, but it's complicated

There's been a lot of pressure on me, lately

To wake up everyday and look amazing"

So I said "You're the prettiest thing in the world"

“Alright.” JJ guided you to sit up 30 minutes after you two laid down. “I need you to be honest with me. I know something is wrong, so don’t even try to say you’re fine.” JJ stressed. “What’s the matter?”

”I-“ You started, looking away from JJ. “It’s complicated..and probably stupid.”

“Well, uncomplicate it them. I want to help you. Whatever it is you can tell me.” JJ pressed.

“It’s just…You’re you and I’m me.”

“The hell is that suppose to mean.” JJ’s eyebrows pinched together.

“JJ, you are like the hottest guy ever and sometimes I don’t even know why you are with me. I mean look at me! Im not your type.” you cried out, built up emotions pouring out.

“First of all, I’m with you because I love you. Second, I don’t know where the whole ‘type’ thing came from but you’re the prettiest girl in the world.” JJ cupped your face, wiping away your tears.

And I'll tell you everyday, I love you just the way

You are, so don't you change, don't you change, no

There's only who you wanna be

'Cause you're everything you need

You're everything I need, oh

“No,” you shook your head. “You deserve someone prettier, like some hot surfer chick or someone like Tiffany Admore.” You mumbled out, tears still escaping.

“Woah, Tiffany?” He questioned. “What the hell does some kook have to do with this? Did she say something to you?” He growled out. Your silence was the only answer he needed. “That fucking bitch!” He snapped, standing up. He looked at you and saw your face. Tense, scared and sad. He knew you needed him now more than anything. He took a second to compose himself then turning to you. “What did she say to you, baby?” He crouched down, putting a comforting hand on your knee.

“She was gossiping with Stephanie at the table behind us when you went to the bathroom. They were making comments about me and my body. Basically they were saying you should leave me for someone prettier.” You sniffled. “And they are right.”

“The hell they are.” JJ scoffed. “They are just some stuck up kook bitches who are jealous because I am with the hottest girl ever.” JJ sat down next to you again, pulling you into a tight hug. “I don't want someone like Tiffany, I want someone like you. I love you just the way you are. So fuck Tiffany’s and Stephanie’s opinion.” He rubbed soothing circles on your back. “I should of known something was off but I just chalked it up to stress.” JJ sulked, annoyed at himself for not confronting you earlier.

“Its not your fault.” You looked up at him with sad eyes. You went to confess something else, but you couldn't. The pain of self-pity you caused yourself all week made you break down again.

“Hey,” JJ shushed. “It’s alright, pretty girl. Let it out.” He held you tighter, kissing the top of your head. “Tell me when you’re ready.”

“I haven't been the nicest to myself this week.” You confessed after a moment, wiping your tears with your hoodie sleeve. “I haven't been eating enough. I cut out a lot of foods and calories because I wanted to be skinnier. I wanted to be prettier for you because I was scared you were going to leave me. Their words really hurt me and I don't love myself like I use to.” JJ’s heart broke at your words and he became more angry at himself but mostly Tiffany and Stephanie. They hurt his girl and no one hurts his girl. He can’t do much besides ‘accidentally’ spilling water on them at the restaurant but he will get his revenge..one day. But first his priority is you and fixing what was broken inside you.

“Look at me,” JJ gently lifted your chin so you would look at him. You noticed his eyes were red and watery. He was crying too. “I love you and I think your beautiful. Please never forget that.” He stressed. “I’ll tell you everyday how beautiful you are. I don't care how long it takes for you to yourself like you did before. Somedays will be good and some days will be bad but I’ll be right there to remind you of your beauty.” He started to rub your cheek and temple Both of you are crying at this point. “I love you just the way you are, so please, please don't change. Don't you ever dare change, not for me or anyone else. You're everything you need and you’re everything I need. I love you.” JJ finished by leaning in to give you a kiss. This kiss was sweet and passionate, but not passionate to the point where he was greedy. He poured all the love he had into the kiss. Silently retelling you all the things he told you moments ago. It definitely made you feel loved and made sure it was reciprocated so JJ knows how much you love him.

All she wanted was a bowl of pasta

Without anybody looking at her

You two kept making-out until there was a knock on the door.

“That would be the food.” JJ gave a slight chuckle as he pulled away from the kiss. He ran a finger over your kiss-swollen lips. Even red-eyes, swollen lips and messy hair (courteously from his hands), you still looked so beautiful to him. You would always look beautiful to him, no matter what. “You stay here, don't wanna ruin the surprise.” Moments went by as you heard JJ answer the door then some faint clanging in the kitchen. “Ok babe, close you eyes. and hold out your hands.” JJ pipped up. “Are they closed?”

“Yes.” you answered, holding out your hands. You felt something get placed in your hand. It was definitely a bowl and it was warm. It smelled really good...and familiar, you noted.

“Ok open them!” JJ said. You opened them and looked at the contents of the bowl.

“Is that...” You trailed off, looking down in shock.

“Fancy Mac-n-Cheese from the country club? Yes it is.” JJ said triumphantly.

“JJ, this is like $40 Mac-N-Cheese.” You gawked. “How did you even get this delivered?”

“Pulled some strings.” He shrugged. “My special girl needs special Mac-n-Cheese.” You felt yourself blushing. There goes JJ again, always finding new ways to make you blush. He sat down next to you with his own bowl in hand, giving you a fork. “Now go on. Beautiful girls like you deserve to eat.” JJ ushered. He turned the show back on and took a bite from his bowl.

You followed not long after, feeling comfortable around JJ. You know JJ would never judge anything you ate. You may never love yourself they way you did before hearing Tiffany and Stephanie. We all know once someone points something out, that’s all a person focuses on in the mirror. With JJ by your side, you think you can build up that confidence that you once had. Tonight was the first building block of that process and you are so grateful for having a wonderful boyfriend like JJ to help.

Look at what we've done to the girl.

[littlebunnygold]

Cherry (JJ’s pov)

so not only is seasonal depression kicking my ass, but my bf and I broke up so I'm feeling sad girl and have been listening to Cherry by Harry Styles nonstop for a whole ass week so you best believe I'm gonna write a sad breakup fic about it. 

is this what they call a song fic?

summary: after a nasty fight, you and jj decide to take a break. after almost 6 months later, jj see’s you with another guy.

warning: swearing, arguing, heartbrokenjj

“I just can’t do this anymore J, I can’t” she said quietly as she sat down on the bed in the room they both shared at the Chateau. He fiddled with the ring on his finger, the ring she bought him for their 4 month anniversary. Oh, how he wished he could go back to that day. 

He stood above her, looking at his shoes. He knew he had a temper, and he knew it could get out of control sometimes, but he thought she would always be able to handle it. He can’t blame her, he hasn’t exactly been the best boyfriend recently, but he thought it was just a rough patch. 

He watches tears roll down her cheeks, her leg bouncing anxiously as she comes to terms with what she’s about to say.

“I think we should take a break”

That’s when the tears really started coming down. He kneeled beside her, reaching to touch her hair and face, “Y/n, look, I know things have been rough for a little bit but I promise this will pass. This isn’t over” he said, trying to catch her gaze. But she wouldn’t look at him. “This can't be over. I love you so much please don’t do this” he said, crying more than he already was. She leaned into hug him, gently brushing through his hair and kissed him on the head.

“I love you too. Baby, I love you more than I ever thought was possible... but I'm not going to be treated like this any longer. I can’t JJ. I won’t” she said. They both sat in silence for a couple minutes, the only sound in the room was muffled crying and the odd sniffle. Both of them just trying to enjoy the last hug they will share for a while. 

Before he knew it, she grabbed all of her stuff out of their room and left, leaving him alone, thinking of everything he did wrong.

6 months later 

Not a day has gone by that he hasn't thought of her. At first, he didn't think it was really over. He though in a week she would forgive him and they could move past this. But weeks became months, and suddenly he hasn't spoken to her for half a year. He avoids the places he knows she likes to go, like the local ice cream store, or her favourite restaurant. Hell, he hasn’t gone surfing in months in case she was there. 

The break up was hard everybody, all of the Pogues had grown to love her and accept her as their own, especially when they saw how well she handled JJ. How calm and comfortable he became when he was around her. How deeply in love he was with her. They didn't think he would make it out of this breakup alive. 

They had finally had enough and decided to drag him to the beach to go surfing with them, reassuring him that they hadn’t seen her in a couple weeks and it should be safe. Although it took some convincing, he did miss the feeling of surfing. All of the shit that happens in real life, and all of the shit you have going on gets forgotten when you stand up on that board. 

They all laughed as they got out of the Twinkie, ready for a fun beach day. Even he let out a laugh when Pope got concerned about the height of the waves, as-per-usual. He was ready to hangout with his friends and try to have a good time surfing and drinking. That was, until he heard a familiar laugh coming a little ways away from him. A laugh he hadn’t heard in nearly 6 months. A laugh that he missed more than words could describe. 

He quickly snapped his head to the direction he heard it, his knees almost giving out at the sight of her. She looked absolutely breathtaking. Everything about her was perfect in his eyes. Before he could fully take in that she was less than 10 yards away from him, he saw the guy she was laughing with. The guy who made her laugh loud enough he could hear it. 

They all went silent when they realized what he was staring at, not knowing what to do or what to say. He still loved her, and they knew that. And she was here with another guy. John B. tried to talk to him, standing in front of his vision towards her and attempting to distract him. But it was too late. He couldn’t take his eyes off of her, or the guy who’s arm she was now rubbing.

He couldn’t stand to see her play with this guys hair the way she used to do with his, or the way she kissed this guys cheek, how he wished she was kissing his. The way she used to kiss his. He was so reeled in by her that he couldn’t hear the voices of his friends trying to distract him, he couldn't feel their touch on his arm as they tried to pull him away from looking. He could barely breath seeing her acting like this with someone who wasn’t him. 

“Okay baby, let’s go swimming!”

That’s when he felt his whole body go limp. He looked away from her and was met with John B. who was still standing in front of him. His eyes big and watery, feeling like he was going to collapse at any moment. He watched her run into the ocean, looking so carefree and happy. 

“She called that guy ‘baby’” he said, quietly as John B. reached in to hug him. He could feel the emotions pouring out of him. After seeing her for the first time, missing her every single day and loving her more than ever. She had moved on. All of the sudden, all of the laughs they shared didn't matter. All of the sleepovers, shared secrets, cuddles, adventures, everything.. it didn’t matter anymore. He accepted the hug from John B. and closed his eyes when the rest of the Pogues joined in.

“She called him what she used to call me”  

[anonymous0writer]

I Love Him II JJ Maybank

Author: @anonymous0writer​

Request: Yes!

“song request: i luv him. by catie turner x jj maybank“

Warnings: Angst dude. angst. 

A/N: This was amazing to write lol. also it’s a tiny bit confusing bc it’s all different points in their relationship meshing into this one, so the times are confusing. 

But basically it’s just now, before and after. i guess. I put “Before” “After” “Now” before the text so y’all know :)

Tags: @jayjaymaebank @rudys-pankow @maaybanks@everydayimfangirling @outrbank @thelocalpogue @decap-quadrant @ahhireallydontknow @never-ever-too-many-fandoms@kylosleftbuttcheek @insanitysparkles @divcrdown @youfookendonut @dpaccione​ @outerbanksbro​  @jjs-housekeeping​ @teenwaywardasgardian​ @traumaflavouredjuulpod @magnuolia @sarapage89 @emsma11 @bxbyyyjocelyn​ @teamnick​ @jjmbanks​ @thesurfingsnail @lulubutton34​ @obxsummer​ @katiaw2​ @poguecollins​ @notaninstagrammodel​ @danicarosaline​ @timmyswrld​ @gmwlover100​ @koufaxx @bellaguarneri​ @diverrdown​ @drewswannabegirl​ @lordsagittarius​ @drew-starkey​ @mahleeyuh​ @starkeymarkey​ @mcarignan @copper-boom​ @jessica-112​ @alternativehp​

(if your user is striked, that means i can’t tag you, message me and we can try to fix it!)

Song lyrics look like this

-Now

He's what I want But I'm not what he needs He needs to wake up and look in the mirror And like just what he sees

You stared at the boy in front of you, lip caught between your teeth as you bit it, your eyes giving away what you were feeling.

You felt like reaching out, so your fingertips could brush his skin and you felt the heat of his skin and made sure he was still breathing and safe. You needed to know the exact heat of his skin and feel the living boy, but you refrained, keeping your feelings on a tight leash. This was for him. And if you ruined that, shattered that moment, you could never forgive yourself. Yet you found your fingers twitching and a tear pricking your eyes. 

Your lips trembled, but you closed them together, letting the boy leave. Tears threaten to spill over your cheeks like waterfalls. Pushing them back you swallowed the lump in your throat, trying not to cry because you knew that if you started, you wouldn’t stop. And he didn’t need that. Didn’t need to hear your erratic, uncontrolled sobs and your heart break. Plus, this wasn’t about you. This was about him. All of this was for him. He needed to get better and you loved him too much to not get him help.

A sob tried to escape your lips, so you bit down on your lip so hard it drew blood. You didn’t even wince as the tangy flavor filled your mouth. You just watched his blonde head bob as he ducked under the doorway and his feet carried him away. The sobs were silent, but they racked your body, tearing your strength away slowly. 

You wanted him. Wanted to keep him safe and happy and love him. You wanted him more than anything, but you knew that you weren’t what he needed. And that broke you the most.

And it kills me That I have to leave To watch him go get better 'Cause I'd set myself on fire If it meant he'd come back after

The warm, embracing air did nothing to soothe or warm you. Your feet shifted against the gravel of the driveway, unable to keep still. Your heart ached, breaking in the tiny cavity in your ribs. Every fiber of your begin weeped. Screamed for you to run back to the blonde, wrap him in your arms and let him kiss you. To feel his lips work against yours, everything around you fading into a haze of nothing. 

But you need to leave. So you bit your lip, trying to keep the wave of emotions in your gut at bay. You needed to leave so he could heal and get better. So you gripped the door handle a little tighter and without a second thought, you ripped the door open. The cool seats slid against your thighs as you climbed in and you started the car, the engine rumbling to life as you stared blankly ahead. The car lurched as you pressed on the gas and you sped off, gravel spitting behind your tires. The car left the driveway and disappeared, you with it. 

Clean break. That’s what this was. You needed to leave the boy so he could heal and grow. And love himself. And it was better to rip off the band aid fast rather than painfully slow right?

You would leave him alone, let him heal in solitude and then hopefully, he’d come back to you. You prayed and hoped so much the words were almost empty in their meaning when you whispered them into the dark. 

As you turned onto a long road, the car moving smoothly, a sob slipped from your raw lips. Tears fell without warning, dripping down your cheek and dropping along your neck. You tasted the salt of your tears as they touched your lips. With a shaking hand, you clicked on the radio, music flooding the cabin of the car. You needed the music to drown out the sound of your weeping. Needed it to drown the sound of your broken heart and the roar of the world around you. 

But hope still fluttered in your chest like a caged bird. You hoped and prayed that he would come back. Back to you. Because, god, you needed him back.

Because I love him I love him That's why I'm letting him go I love him and I want him But we both need time to grow

“This is the right thing,” You spoke, your voice even except for the slight waver at the end. You swallowed your emotions and nodded, as if you needed to say the words to believe them. As if you said them enough- like you said your hopes- they would create a foundation. Become real and solid, and true. 

Your eyes flicked up to meet his, knowing you needed to look him in the eye for him to see that. To see the truth to your words. His cerulean eyes swam with tears, matching your own. His bruised hands gripped each other so hard they turned white and his jaw was clenched tightly. He was trying to keep it together, just like you. The similarity broke your heart. Soon, you’d be saying goodbye and praying he’d get better. 

Your lips tugged into a frown that seemed permanently etched on your face as your eyes found the scars and memories of a bad life littering his skin. His black eye, dark and fading into a deep purple along the edges. Cuts marring the soft skin, red and short, but stark and angry. The fading, almost gone bruises that were like patches on his skin, yellow and old, but with slight pressure still hurt. His face and skin were littered with the memories of a young kid flinching away from his father’s hand or wincing when he took too sharp of a breath because his ribs were still recovering.

“We,” You paused the words coming out of your throat sharp and jagged. “We need time. Time to heal and grow.” You closed your eyes, eyelashes resting on your cheek. “We- I need to let you go. So you can heal.”

The words sat heavy in the air until JJ took a big breath, his chest hitching and his eyes rapt on your face. “What does this mean for us?”

You knew what he was asking. So you gave a smile. As big as you could muster, eyes shining with sadness and lips widening. But the smile dropped and your hand darted forward to grip his own. Naturally, your fingers threaded with his, yours fitting into the divots of his and he squeezed your hand. 

“I still love you, J. Nothing’s gonna change that.”

Your eyes met and everything dropped. The sounds around you, the soft crashing of the waves, the calls of the birds. The hum of other people laughing and chattering. The crunch of gravel under a tire and the squeal of cars as they rushed past. No sound seeped into your ears, and your surroundings faded away to nothing. It was just you and him. Eyes locked and hands locked. Souls locked. 

“I love you.”

-After

And if the world was kind I could make him stay It pains me to think of a girl Who gets to trace his veins I love him But it's better off this way

You lay in bed, legs tangled with the sheets, chest rising and falling softly and a big shirt hanging off your frame. However, the shirt wasn’t yours. It was his, and it still smells like him, sea salt and a hint of weed mixing in your senses. You had found the shirt tucked in the back of your dresser without a second to think about it, you slipped it over your naked body and pulled on underwear, sinking into your bed. You had meant to fall asleep hours ago, but he tormented you. 

Thoughts of his eyes and smile searing behind your eyes when you closed them. The sound of his laugh and the click of his tongue in your ears. The memory of his fingers trailing along your skin ghostly.

You stared at the ceiling, blinking against the dark. By now the dark was welcome, for you had stayed up till the dead of night and the rise of morning far too many times to be afraid by the blindfold it provided. You took a deep breath, hand on your chest moving with the rise and fall of your ribs. You gasped as you trailed your hands along the bare skin of your stomach that your shirt- his shirt- exposed. Goosebumps raised on your skin, brought on by the cold of your fingertips against your feverish skin. 

I bet she gets to trace his skin. The thought slipped past your defenses and had brought you to your knees. A broken, dry sob escaped your mouth and your hand fell flat against your hot skin. The noise was a strangled cry of desperation and pain. 

Tracing his skin and running her hands up and down his skin. His golden skin was so soft and smooth. His golden skin peppered with the occasional freckle.Freckles you hunted for, finger tips running along his skin, and when you found one, you attacked it with a kiss, making the boy beneath you huff a laugh. She gets to follow the crevices and plains of his chest with her fingers, like I did. She gets to kiss and explore his skin. She gets to please him and locks her fingers with him, where her fingers fit into the divot of his. He’d close his eyes as she giggles against his skin and kisses him, snuggling into his warmth.She gets to trace his veins and map his skin like the constellations in the sky. Constellations he taught her just like me, pointing them out with a soft, far away smile on his lips. 

But the thought that killed you the most?

She gets to love him.

-Before

We had the best time And he was all mine And I never wanna leave We'd stay up all night And when he drifts off I can't help but watch him sleep

You giggled and your fingers tighten in his luminous hair. You smiled down at the golden locks, running your hands slowly through them, twisting and curling them. The boy smiled, loving that he was in your grip. His speech flowed easily, coaxing laughs and comments from you. You two were cuddled on the couch, laughing and grinning like fools in love. Because you were fools in love. Madly in love. 

You two stayed like that, JJ laying between your legs and your fingers in his hair as you talked, for hours. Until the sun started peaking behind the edge of the horizon. But you were the only one awake, hands stalling in his blonde locks and eyes dropping to watch the boy in your arms sleep. His mouth was slightly agape, soft, even breathing filling and leaving his chest. You smiled at the sight, warmth and love blossoming in your chest as you watched the boy drift into a dream. That’s when you realized. Really realized. 

You loved him.

-Now

I love him I love him That's why I'm letting him go I love him and I want him But we both need time to grow

“Goodbye, JJ.” 

[lokiqueenofasgrd]

Credit (JJ Maybank x Reader song fic)

A/N: this is the first part of me transitioning all my older writing to this account, so if you’ve read it before don’t freak out. I just found it easier to manage one account instead of seven. -K 🖤

Song: credit by Meghan Trainor, I got this idea while listening to it.

Warnings: none.

Lately I'm feeling stupid and crazy ‘Cause I saw him with his new baby And he treats her like she's the one

Before you even started dating JJ you knew that someone had hurt him and badly. He accidentally fell in love with an awful Kook. She was probably the worst person you’d ever met and was always trying to get back together with JJ. The sad part was, if you hadn’t have joined the Pogues after running into John B on one of his “solo adventures”, he might still be with her. She was crazy beyond compare and really abusive toward him. He accepted it because he thought that’s what he deserved. Until the two of you broke Pogue code and John B caught you macking on eachother behind a shed on the boat docks. To be honest he wasn’t mad. He liked that JJ finally found someone who treated him like a human being. JJ basically worshiped you, but in the non toxic way. He was always there for you when you needed things and you were always there to patch him up. The crew thought that he had actually grown softer with you around which was something that they never thought could happen. He was utterly in love with you and you were him.

It's not that I want him back, ain't trying to be mean But I bought them brand new clothes and burned the skinny jeans She'll never know that I made him better for her So, give some credit Where it's due, give props to you know who

Before you met JJ he went into a downward spiral. John B, Pope and Kie filled you in on everything. He had a very difficult time taking care of himself before you came along. His previous girlfriend always yelled at him for getting in fights and never listened to his feelings. You on the other hand were always there with open arms. One night after JJ got in a particularly bad fight John B brought him over to your house. He was stumbling through the door. His eye was swollen shut and lip split open. To say you wanted to cry seeing him in such a state was an understatement. You guided JJ to your bathroom and had him sit on the lid of your toilet. You could tell he was drained because his head hung lowly. You grabbed a wash cloth and a first aid kit and walked back into the bathroom. You ran the wash cloth under some warm water and began dabbing at his eye. Listening as JJ was telling you what happened. You just nodded and let him continue to voice his opinion. You pointed at JJ to take his shirt off so you could check for any collateral. He was very visibly struggling to lift his shirt above his head so you helped him. “Up, up, up.” You said to JJ motioning for him to lift his arms so you could remove his shirt. He was severely bruised but nothing needed stitches. You were thankful for that. You reached his lip and grazed over it with the wash cloth looking him in his one unswollen eye. You could see he was hurting. Before you could even fix his lip though he sweeper you into a kiss. You felt him flinch under the pain. “Alright JJ. That’s enough.” You said semi-sternly not wanting him to hurt himself even more than he had. Despite being bruised he wrapped you in a tight hug and burried his head in your neck. “Thank you for not thinking I’m crazy. Thank you for listening.” He said barely audible. You felt a tear on your shoulder. “I love you JJ. Don’t ever forget that. Now let’s finish getting you cleaned up.” You said motioning for JJ to get in the bathtub so you could sponge the remaining dirt and dried blood from his body.

He holds her hand at the movies Never ever stares at other boobies I bet she thinks he's the one

Before you met JJ he was a bit of a player. He was never one for PDA when you first started dating because of Pogue code but when he realized that everyone was okay with you guys he definitely loved it. He also stopped flirting with other girls when you came around because he was determined to get you alone. When you went on your first date he didn’t even try to take you home. The two of you went to see a movie. It was actually quite scary which you were not a fan of and you accidentally jumped right into JJs arms. He smirked a little and pulled you in closer wrapping your shared blanket around your shoulders and kissing your head. He wished he could stay like that forever. When you were around other people he tended to get more jealous. You weren’t complaining though. He would always have his hand in your back pocket or around your waist. He would squeeze your hand if he got upset and you’d squeeze back to say that it was okay. It was your own secret language.

You and JJ were made for eachother whether he knew it or not. He was utterly in love with every inch of you.

Tag list:

@tomfreakinghollandneedsaoscar @bricksatanakinswindow @rayskates @softstarkey @starkeysgirl @infinitewalker

Let me know if you wanna join the tag list! Should I write more OBX??! 💖

[leftoverenvy]

🤎🤍Masterlist🤍🤎

Hi! Welcome to my blog 🍂

Incredibly obsessed with Emily Prentiss 🫠🫢

I write fic for Emily Prentiss - check it out under the cut 😚

Emily Prentiss

Series:

Secrets of the West Wing Wattpad | Tumblr | Ao3 | Complete Summary: Reader has just been elected President of the United States and Emily Prentiss is head of her Secret Service detail. How will the two navigate the balance between the boundaries their professional relationship dictates and the love in their hearts? Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Reader

Tastes Like Sugar Wattpad | Tumblr | Ao3 | Ongoing Summary: India Mae, or Indi, is a music major, struggling to pay bills, tuition, work, and make good grades.  Emily Prentiss is a BAU profiler, as well as a DC socialite thanks to her huge family fortune.  The two enter into a mutually beneficial arrangement: Emily will pay for Indi's school if Indi accompanies Emily to her social functions for a few months, posing as her girlfriend.  As weeks go by, the lines between their arrangement and their true feelings start to blur.  But money can't buy love, right? A slowburn romance. Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC

Contaminated Series Tumblr | Complete Summary: Emily and JJ's marriage is in shambles, so Emily turns to an unlikely source of comfort: her student.  To add gasoline to the fire, Emily starts an affair.  A songfic inspired by Contaminated by BANKS. Pairing: Emily Prentiss x OC; Emily Prentiss x Jennifer "JJ" Jareau

Oneshots:

What Happens in Vegas Wattpad | Tumblr | Ao3 | Complete Summary: Filler between Ep. 4x6 and 4x7 - Emily's night in Vegas

Sacred and Sanguine Tumblr | Complete Summary: Sometimes the holiest sacrament is pure sin. A continuation of Blood and Blasphemy by @writingquillsandpainpills

Hallucinate Wattpad | Tumblr | Complete Summary: Reader is a school teacher grieving over Emily's death. Inspired by "Hello" by Evanescence.

Heaven Wattpad | Tumblr | Complete Summary: Part 2 of Hallucinate. Inspired by "I Miss You" by Adele.

Tease Wattpad | Ao3 | Tumblr | Complete Summary: Emily gets called away on a case leaving you home alone and wanting. You decide to get her attention any way you can.

Elle Greenaway x Reader

Oneshots:

Hate To Love You Tumblr | Ao3 | Complete Summary: Y/n is a new BAU member and is fast friends with everyone on the team except a certain brunette they just can't connect with. Ambivalence turns to hatred, but all that passion has to come out somehow.

[gay-prentiss]

Where I Stood - S.R

Spencer Reid x gender neutral BAU Reader

Summary: Reader and Spencer start to pull away from each other after JJ confesses her feelings to Spencer while they were held hostage in LA, and reader cant take it anymore.

Word Count: 706 (shes short again and not that sweet this time)

Content warnings: angst, spencer being abandoned (again), obvious allusion to j*id confession, indefinite ending

A/n: uh. im sorry? alsjsksj im so sorry i have no idea where this even came from. sad bitch winter ig 😔 anyways this is sorta a songfic as well, the letter reader leaves spencer and the title is are inspired by ‘where i stood’ by missy higgins. you can listen to it here, but it works as a stand alone heart breaker as well. also huge huge huge thank you to @will-on-the-internet , @sadgirlml and @writingquillsandpainpills for hyping this up and zahra again for proofreading for me. i love you all so fucking bad you have no idea. n e ways thank you for reading and if u like it reblogs would be appreciated 😋😋

Spencers POV:

They weren't at work and they haven't been answering my calls all day. I was beginning to worry. It wasn't like them to be like this. They've been distant recently after what happened in LA between JJ and I, but never anything like this. Even on their worst days, they'd still let me know they were safe.

I unlocked the front door to our apartment to find it deathly silent. “Y/n? You home?”

Nothing.

I walked over to the coffee table where their favourite book sat, and next to it was a letter. Addressed to me.

No. No no no. Not again. Please god not again.

I feel my eyes tearing up. As I reach out with a shaky hand to open the letter, I notice the paper smells like their perfume.

“My dearest Spencer,

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been lately but I need to get this off my chest because I know you won't let me leave without a fight and I just can't be talked out of this one. I've had this nagging voice in my head ever since you told me what happened during the case in LA that told me to run. That told me I’m not good enough for you and that I never will be. Initially I thought I was being dramatic and insecure, but then I would observe the way you look at her. Like a new fire had been ignited in your heart to replace the one you had for me. You both would steal glances and soft smiles from each other and I felt left in the shadows. I brushed it off as silly voices and self sabotage, but the team started to notice too. What's worse is that they asked me about it. Asked me if we were okay. Pen even asked me if we’d broken up. That’s when I realised it wasn't in my head. I was falling behind her, and in that moment I felt truly lost.

I really don't know if I could stand another hand upon you. But I do know that this is what's right, at least for the foreseeable future. She will love you in ways that I never could, and you really deserve that Spencer. You deserve real, true love. And all this isn't to say that we can never speak again. You mean more to me than anyone I've ever loved. You taught me how to trust myself and I owe you everything I have for that.

I got an offer at the DC office that I’ve decided I’m going to take. It's the second hardest decision I’ve ever had to make but I need to be away from everything for a while.

I don't know who I am without you, but I have to do this. I'm sorry. I love you.

Yours always,

Y/n”

When I glanced over the letter again I noticed that I'd cried on it, my tears slightly smudging the ink of the words that tore my heart in two.

I needed to speak to them. To explain things. I can't lose them too.

I select their number in my phone and dial it, praying to whatever gods exist that they pick up so I can at the very least say goodbye if explaining myself won't convince them to stay.

“Hi! You've reached y/n! Please don't leave me a voicemail, its 2022. Send me a text”

I hear the beep and pour my heart out.

“Y/n it's me. Spencer. I read your letter and I need you to know that I'm sorry. I’m so so sorry if you ever thought you were second best because youre not. you're not. I did love her but I love you. now. right now. Please, whenever you're ready, call me. Talk to me. Let me know that you're safe at least. I love you y/n. only you and-” the robot voice interrupts me before I can finish.

“Your message has been saved and will be sent as an audio message”

I hang up, pull up my text messages and start typing;

Spencer: Please sweetheart, just listen to the voice message. It's always been you. Always.

And now I wait.

——————————

A/n (again sorry lmao): i hope you guys liked it! its currently like 4am as im typing this note im so dead but i wanted the fic out by saturday so here i am lol. im also open to part 2’s, and it doesnt have to be a happy ending either. im also open to doing multiple endings, so if you guys have ideas please feel free to send them to my ask box! ily all kith kith.

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

dandelions

request: if you vibe with it Spencer X Reader lowkey songfic for Dandelions by Ruth B. Spencer is recovering from Cat traumatizing him and the Reader is a baby tech analyst for the BAU. The Reader learns Spencer believes that he’ll never find true love, and so the Reader pretty much corners him in the techy bat cave and makes him dance with her (to the song). Ends with a semi established relationship and Reader let’s Spencer know she’ll love him when he’s ready. :) ❤️

so before we embark on this story, I just want to let you all know that i’m only up to season 4 of CM, but because of tik tok, i know most of the spoilers already, but i’ll try my absolute best

word count: 2,167                                                                                     reading time aprox: 8 mins

masterlist

It was a leisurely night at the BAU, the usual fleeting agents that roamed around the bullpen causing an uproar of commotion was replaced by a serene environment that was inhibited by a few individuals. It was around the time of the holidays meaning most of the agents had either went home to their loved ones or went to the bars to their loved ones, also known as 5-6 vodka shots with a beer on the side. 

The lights began to dim at the office indicating it was close to midnight. My eyes had accustomed to the sudden change of brightness due to the simple fact that Penelope’s office was just a technically advanced bat cave littered with eclectic trinkets from thrift shops. 

I could remember stepping into Penelope’s office expecting an immaculate high tech lair, only to discover a physical representation of Pen’s psyche splattered in all the crevices of the dark room. Apprenticing for Garcia had been the best decision I’ve made considering that my original disposition was to work in counter terrorism where there wasn’t an unorthodox and silly tech goddess. Not only that, but the BAU team had become more than family to me, taking into account that my biological family had abandoned me when I was young. 

I grew up with a developed resentment against love knowing that people will always abandon you in the end. Despite my childhood, ever since I’ve joined the team, all that contempt dissipated transforming into nothing but genuine love for the people around me.

And sometimes I held a little bit of extra love for definitive individuals. 

I was closing up a few files on Pen’s computer, rewriting the encryptions on her documents to secure her confidentiality when I peered out into the bullpen, a forlorn and solitary silhouette crouched into a seat came to view. The chair swaying side to side in combination with the lackluster lights made it particularly burdensome to identify the figure. The bullpen had emptied out, leaving the creature to it’s lonesome, adding to the ambiguity of the atmosphere. 

It was only when JJ approached the cryptic individual that it had clicked in my head. Spencer’s hair popped into view as JJ adjusted his desk lamp to give off more light. She had her bag and jacket hanging on her left arm signaling her departure from the office. She conversed with Spencer offering him a cup of coffee which he politely declined with a tight lipped smile. With this response, she patted his shoulder motherly and made her way to bureau’s glass doors. 

The sounds of the rubber stopper hitting the frame of the door indicated that JJ had completely left, leaving the bullpen with the inhabitants of me and Spencer. Although I don’t think he’s acknowledged my occupancy in Pen’s office as he let out a disgruntled sigh, dragging his hands over his perturbed visage. 

In the attempt to leave him to his aloofness, I resorted back to my tasks at hand on Pen’s computer, yet an almost incoherent sniffle echoed throughout the office, catching my ears off-guard. 

I reverted my attention to Spencer once again, watching him pull at his hair while briskly wiping away the dampness that had formed on his face. 

I felt a hefty tug at my heartstrings, feeling as if my chest cavity began to collapse in on it’s self. My esophagus congealed to the sounds of anguish that emitted past Spencer’s lips, feeling destitute as the boy became his own source of self reproach. 

My thoughts fought each other for the custody of my actions, contesting the ideas of soothing the boy or leaving him to his own. It was quite a delicate matter to approach considering the topics that had led him to spiral. 

Spencer Reid had only cared about one thing in the world: his mother and with the recent allegations with Cat Adams resurfacing, he’s been nothing but a ball of disquietude. His intelligence was the only wall that he’d build around himself that protected his unconscious mind from blemishing the utopian reality he had constructed in his conscious mind. It had been the barrier between his internal chaos and serendipity. 

Who knew one woman would be able to decimate the very thing he fabricated since his youth. 

After a few revelations, I became determined to release Spencer of the abhorrent thoughts his mind must of been swarmed in. Messing with bureau’s network, I connected to speakers that were planted in the bullpen that were utilized for broadcasts. 

I leaned over Penelope’s set up, grabbing the mic she hid behind her monitors and connected it wirelessly to the speaker. This ended up emitting a loud echo of feedback that resonated throughout the office, hence catching Spencer’s attention to the ceiling. He looked bewildered at the sudden blare, but settled down as the sound of my voice flooded the room. 

“Dr. Spencer Reid, please report to your nearest tech analyst. Again, Dr. Spencer Reid please report to your tech analyst” I announced, earning a wholesome smile from Spencer as he directed his attention to the office. He waved at me through the open door, chuckling while he stood up to press the wrinkles that had formed on his blazer. 

My heart swelled, growing exponentially vast as his demeanor changed to a more merry disposition. I could already feel the apprehensive twinges begin to appear at my wrists and the ever-growing grin plant itself on my lips. 

Once he arrived at the door frame, he let out an inaudible welcome as I grabbed an extra office chair for him to sit on.

“Long day?” I inquired, reclaiming my spot in my own chair. He leaned back on the spine of the seat, letting out a reluctant chuckle that held more gravity than he wanted to reveal. 

“You have no idea” He replied with a frigid smile. He fidgeted with the tips of his fingers while he gazed at the floor below him. 

“I was 14″ I stated, earning an inquisitive reaction from Spencer. “I was 14 when I decided to reject any form of aid, affection, or remorse from anyone who even came close to knowing me” I admitted, watching his face contort into vulnerability as if my words hit a weak spot in his barricade. “I told myself of the cold reality of the world and that no amount of consolation or love would change that”. I pulled my seat closer to Spencer, making our interaction a bit more intimate and fervent. “That wasn’t until I met you-” I confessed, now acquiring his full undivided regard. “-an-and the team. You guys proved me wrong and convinced me otherwise of my radical theories” I continued. 

I searched for empathy in his eyes, but was met with a distant and doleful gaze while he sucked in his lips as it began to quiver. He took in a sharp breath, maintaining a adamant composure. 

“Spencer, I know it’s been difficult and I’m sorry I can never understand the hardships you must be going through. But, I need you to realize that there are so many people who consider you one of the best parts of their lives” I professed, laying a tender palm on his knee. “That’s including me, you’ve been nothing but the best little genius I’ve had the privilege to be around, even with your constant rambling”. We both laughed at this statement, meeting each other’s gazes as if we were studying each other. “You need to let us in once and while. I don’t like seeing you get down on yourself for things that are normal to feel”

Spencer laid a warm hand on top of my own, squeezing it in acknowledgment before laying his head low once again. “I-i don’t think” He began, pausing in between his phrases to find the right words to articulate. “I don’t think I can ever find true love” He confided, running his fingers through the tangled bits of hair. “After Maeve, Cat, and now my mom, it seems like everything I ever try to love gets ripped out of my hands” He explained. 

With an idea in mind, I scooted away from him and to the computer that was still connected to the bureau’s sound system. I logged onto my Spotify account and began to play Dandelions by Ruth B. The mellow melody streamed throughout the entire room, engulfing the both of us in the beginning verse of the song. 

Maybe it's the way you say my name Maybe it's the way you play your game But it's so good, I've never known anybody like you But it's so good, I've never dreamed of nobody like you

“How about I get your mind off of it for a little while?” I offered, laying my hand out for him to grab. 

“No, no Y/N. I’m not much of a dancer” He dismissed, shaking his head. 

“Come on now doctor” I giggled, pulling at his fingers to join me. “You may not have a PhD in dance, but I’m pretty sure you can calculate the terminal velocity of how you drop that ass” I joked, intertwining our hands as he finally conceded to my antics. 

“Oh god Y/N, I’ll dance with you if you never say that again” He placed a supple hand on the indents of my waist while he centered his feet to match mine. 

After configuring himself, he looked down at me, really emphasizing the height difference between us. “Now was that so bad?” I teased, a toothy grin making it’s appearance on my face. The warmth that was radiating from the both of us made the small gesture more visceral, sending an irrefutable sensation of yearning throughout my entire body. 

Hopefully, it elicited the same feeling for him 

He took the lead, swaying us side to side while the chorus of the song saturated our eardrums, repositioning his hand to the small of my back. He exhaled a cumbersome sigh, lulling himself into my embrace.

Cause I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine And I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

I felt every tap, fidget, or movement Spencer made on the soft skin of my spine to match the rhythm of the melody. My head found asylum in the crevice of his shoulder, letting my hair fall into place as we slow danced. At this moment, I felt reality shift around me at a turtle’s pace, time seemed to have completely marooned, and all I could fixate on was the shallow breaths Spencer would take. 

“Thank you...Y/N, it really does mean a lot” Spencer attested, making me raise my head to meet his hazel eyes. Looking into them was like swimming in a pool of milk and honey while the sunshine eradicated all the bad in the world. “I know I’m not one open up about things like this, but you’re right and you reminded me of that, so thank you” He placed a loving kiss on my forehead, lingering momentarily before retracting. 

“Spencer?” I spoke up

“Yes?”

“I know that you think that love may not be possible for you, but you’re forgetting that Rossi looks at you as if you were his own son, JJ basically thinks of you as her own brother, and I love you too”. I pushed a stray curl that fell in front of him face, caressing his cheek in the process of placing the hair back to where it belongs. “Just like energy, love can’t be destroyed, just transformed” I quoted, settling my hands behind his neck. 

“And you?” 

I hummed in inquisitiveness.

“What do you consider me as?”

I furrowed my eyebrows, beckoning him to continue as I was unable to fully comprehend what he was getting at. 

“You said Rossi thought of me as a son, JJ as a brother. So what do you consider me as?” He pressed, pulling me closer to his chest. 

I could practically feel his breath fanning over my face while a tinted blush blossomed on the apple of my cheeks. “I think that’s another conversation for another dance. Don’t you think?” I suggested in attempt to stray away from his prying. 

“So you’re going to pull me into another dance?” He grinned. 

“Possibly, if you’re up for it of course”

He shook his head chuckling, gently pushing me out, twirling me as he did before letting me rest on his chest. Silence drowned out the room as the song finally came to an end, yet we still stood in each other’s embrace to prolong the occasion 

“Spence, I know that you need time. But just know when you are ready, that I’ll be here for you” I confessed, looking directly in his eyes. 

“I’ll be here ready to love you whenever you’re ready to love yourself first”

I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine