#jittirain criticism | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

life-rewritten · 4 years ago

Text

Fish Upon the Sky Episode 1-7 (The Problems with Walls; An analysis on Duen and Pi)

I swear, if I could just settle down, stop running away and actually analyse FUTS the way I usually do. I would have so many essays by now on how authentic and deep this show can get with some of its characterisations. As I write this FUTS essay that has constantly been plaguing me and making me frustrated that no one else is seeing these themes, I realise again sadly how this director has sadly failed to show the vision of what he wanted for the series. An essay on how DuenMeen and MorkPi mirror each other so much with their themes, it sounds crazy to think that they do because their storylines on the surface seem different at times. Still, also their love interests act differently towards them, and they have different dynamics with them. But that's what's so great about meta and mirroring in TV, especially in shows that aren't meant to be seen as deep or purposely filled with hints and clues to break down. Fish upon the Sky is one of those shows. It struggles to find a balance between wanting to be more profound and showing exciting themes vs pleasing and appealing to the audience, using humour and other exaggerated performances/narratives to do so. However, the writer of Fish upon the sky novel has always had her works struggle with these issues and themes. Jittirain always writes emotional stories about unrequited love, with different lessons, ideas, or characterisations that people fail to understand or truly value because the meta/depth of their personalities is hidden or misunderstood by their own directors. This is what happened in 2gether; this is what also happened in Theory of Love.

A Misunderstood Duo

In order to really understand how grand the narrative the show is failing to truly flesh out is, you need to understand that Pi and Duen (the two main characters of the show) are the narrators of both their own stories. Pi's is Fish upon the sky whilst Duen is Leech upon the sky (😂😂) but what's great is that you can already see the mirroring/similarities just by their titles. Even though their insecurities and worries seem different, it's the same theme for them; both struggle with love because they secretly have a lot of self-deprecation and hesitancy from how people have treated them. It's not as noticeable when you see Duen's characterisation/storyline, but if you truly focus on the themes of his narrative without being distracted by the loud comedic routine he has, you'd see that his biggest insecurity, that he tries to be defensive and act like he doesn't care about is his dumbness. He genuinely feels weaker/inferior because he's known as being dumb to everyone around him. He struggles to process anything that is complex and requires more depth or thought. It's played for laughs because he relishes in the idea that people feel exasperated by his actions. He acts like he doesn't get bothered by how people perceive him because he's still seen as socially acceptable, unlike Pi, who's actually bullied and alienated from society because of his own 'flaws'.

But you can see that it's all a façade when it comes to Duen, just like with how Pi handles his own insecurities and trauma to do with his perceived flaws. It's why Duen chooses to lie to Meen that he's a dentist. He didn't want him to see him the same way others do. This already should show that he doesn't actually enjoy being seen as dumb, but he has walls up to make it seem like he doesn't care. He knows he's constantly being compared to others, but he can't change who he is (just like Pi didn't also want to change how he looked or acted to please people at first). So he jokes and tries to see a positive in being that way; he starts to want to slack off and cheat off others when it comes to work. He stops taking University seriously and repeats classes constantly because he always fails. That is until Meen shows up, and then he starts to want Meen to believe he's something more. Why?

But in case I haven't repeated it enough, Duen is like Pi, whose insecurity is easier to see since we watched him get attacked and bullied for it immediately in the first episode. It's Pi's true thoughts and opinions we see in the show as the audience, whilst Duen's story is hidden with comic relief and unseriousness. They both try to act like they're okay with what they are being judged by in society. Thus, they act confident, they're both loud, they're selfish, acting like they don't care how people see them. Preventing others from getting to hurt them by making it look like they are in control of what they have and use that to their own advantage with others.

They both stay heavily in denial about their true feelings in general, but primarily with the critical focus; the people who make them question everything about their flaws that come into their life and frighten them the most. The ones that break down those facades; make them automatically want to run away whilst being unable to stop showing and escaping their true feelings whenever they're in their presence.

The Use of Humour and Sarcasm

So what we end up with is a narrative with two incredibly annoying and flawed characters who are seen in the audience as exaggerated caricatures for comic relief and shallow storytelling. And it's brilliant because both their unlikable/loud, selfish personalities are just fake walls built, so they don't crumble and get affected by how society views them or wants them to act. So you see, there's the issue that people keep misunderstanding about these two stories, especially about these two brothers. They're realistic; they're flawed because they've been affected by society and the environment around them. They're acting like how anyone who's been hurt before would act, they have built up walls, and they've decided to just stay by themselves and let that guide them in everything. They deal with their issues with sarcasm and humour to reduce the seriousness of the situation, so they don't appear weak or let anything hurt them.

That's why I love this narrative of FUTS, it's meta and more profound than people think, but because the director doesn't do the best to show it, it can get lost in all the exaggerated humour. For example, with Pi, because he's socially anxious and always overthinks how people think of him (due to his past experiences of being abused and hurt by being ignorant of how people thought of him), his world is wildly exaggerated in his head. The way he narrates the story is played for laughs and is a very telling and realistic representation of how overthinking is expressed in his mind; it's overdone, loud and nonsensical at times. That's what social anxiety does; it makes you cry about one stare, one laugh, one action someone does, it makes you panic over the most minor things, and Pi does that with panic and boisterous, sarcastic humour from the start of the show.

Hence his story also has exaggerated humour because he deals with his issues with that fake jokes and sarcasm. So the show also exaggerated humour too when we are in his perspective. This is actually similar to Duen's breaking the 4th wall narrative style of his storyline. As with Duen, whose narrator of his story mocks and laughs at his actions ironically. When really that is just literally himself fighting with his inner voice about his true feelings about Meen. He breaks the 4th wall because he's internalising his own emotions and dealing with them as a skit; the narrator is his true self ridiculing him for not accepting that he has feelings for Meen and that he's not as bright/cool as he thinks he is. So if we understand this and notice that the narrator makes fun of him constantly and jokes about his actions, you'll realise that Duen sees himself that way too; he sees himself as a joke. He doesn't see himself as suave and carefree; he actually mocks himself internally for being dumb and being gross.

Pi: The Need for Protection and Avoidance

So already, just from breaking it down with this point of view, Duen and Pi mirror each other so well, and their narratives because of this focus on the same themes and ideas of self-discovery. Both are flawed characters with a lot of vulnerabilities and pain that they refuse to deal with properly. An id ego defence mechanism catalysed because of their past experiences and protection of their mental space. They both stay in denial, hurting who they love by refusing to let them get to see them without the walls down and more. Pi hates that he loses control with Mork and refuses to let Mork have his heart because he believes Mork is too good for someone like him secretly. He knows he'll be the one damaged. Hence the choice to intentionally misinterpret his brother's metaphor on the vaccine analogy and view it as the complication with getting with Mork. Let me try and use this to break down his mindset with why he chose to still choose Nan even though he knows (he does know) that he wants to be with Mork romantically. Listen to the analogy his brother uses. He mentions the iatrogenic vaccine, a vaccine intended for a patient that starts helping the patient be well but actually causes more harm than good. The end result is because of the incompatibility of the vaccine and the time it takes for those results to show up in the patient and make their lives affected in a negative conclusion.

A vaccine ironically is meant to be an antidote, something that saves people, that helps and makes them feel better. And that's what Mork says he wants to be for Pi, it's romantic, but once his brother announces a different version of a vaccine, Pi jumps with that analogy and believes that's the truth about Mork and him that makes sense to him, than seeing it positively. So with this analogy, we can break it down this way:

The Iatrogenic vaccine was too different and incompatible with the patient. Which is what Pi believes about Mork. Remember, Pi doesn't think (because of what people have told him) that he deserves loyalty and love from people better looking/capable than him. He sees Mork in this light from the start; he views Mork as a rival because Mork is good looking, popular, strong and cool, basically things that are not associated with Pi to others. So Mork and him are incompatible in Pi's mind. This is why Pi constantly asks Mork why he wants to be close to him. He just doesn't understand it.

Second, the Iatrogenic vaccine starts off good but causes damages in an irreparable way to the patient. It's the patient that ends up being affected by this vaccine interaction, not the vaccine that caused it. Before Wan starts this vaccine conversation, he discusses how people around his hospital are patients primarily because of heartbreak; they come in with damaged mindsets, broken hearts and self-harming injuries because of being hurt by love and letting themselves be vulnerable to that. All Pi hears is people hurt themselves over the pain of heartbreak and being abandoned. That's the complication if he does finally trust Mork. Especially after Mork and him get to be close, it'd be just like with everyone who has gotten to know him in the past, who stayed by his side as 'friends', once they learnt about him, what they said is that he wasn't worth being loyal to. So many people used and deserted him, and it almost broke him. This is why Pi grow the walls he has now. Even though Pi is chasing after Nan, he's not expecting an answer from Nan that's positive; Nan is a fantasy, something he can use as a goal to want to keep chasing and distracting himself from that singleness and loneliness he felt at the start of the show. This is why he's doing all of this; he just wants a distraction from the mess of his life. But to Pi, Mork? Mork is real. He's serious; he's someone who Pi actually truly will be damaged by if he's hurt and left by him; he's someone who Pi truly loves and is real to Pi, it's terrifying, and so he rather just avoid that because of the risk of a complication. To be that patient tricked by the vaccine and left to deal with those consequences all alone? Yeh, no, he can't do that. Pi sees him as a friend and doesn’t want to end that because that's the first thing in a while that has made him feel actually happy being himself and accepted. Being friends with Mork makes him feel safe. So again, it's selfish, but it’s all about him preserving what he already has with Mork rather than damaging it.

Those complications are exactly that result if he lets Mork in romantically and Mork sees his true self and leaves like everyone; it’s not Mork who’d be hurt. It’s Pi who’d have nothing more to believe in if he lets himself be that vulnerable. Again Pi is thinking with his head when it comes to Mork; there’s a massive risk if someone takes the wrong vaccine, that person is damaged because of it. Pis journey with Mork is the same thought process that friends to lovers have. The fear of losing each other if they cross that line, of taking things too far and ruining the foundation they had that made them safe. The fear of the love being false as it always has been from others. Pi thinks he likes Mork because how can he not? However, Mork is always there, making it hard for him to think. He associates Mork with niceness and protectiveness, but that doesn’t mean he has to accept him romantically, and Mork sees right through him and is fond of breaking down those walls he put so high up to ensure he doesn't get hurt again. Mork is the one pushing Pi further away from him the more he clings because Pi doesn’t like losing control. Same as Duen. And Mork doesn’t let him just figure it out without manipulating everything; the more he does that, the more Pi feels manipulated and tricked into wanting Mork as a partner, and that's too scary for Pi. This is why it’ll be massive when he finds out who Mork truly is on his phone as the guy from nearby faculty.

Duen: The Need for Nonchalance and Ignorance

Duen is the inversion with his storyline; he tries to look cool and better to Meen, refusing Meen to see him when he's worried, anxious or insecure because he himself shuts off those emotions whenever Meen triggers them. He doesn't want to face the truth, that he hates being seen as dumb and not being seen as a hero to Meen. He lies to Meen because he's trying to keep him by his side without actually letting him see his true self. After all, if he does, he also may judge or leave him too (guess what same as Pi's worries with Mork. Mirroring!). Duen tries to act unaffected just like Pi does with Mork because again, they both know once they break down and give in, there's no turning back, they will be exposed, and the' truth' about them (which they believe and see about themselves) will push the people they truly want by their sides away.

So instead, they grapple for control by faking lack of care and feelings for their partner; they refuse to apologise quickly and refuse to give in easily to them to further their relationships, increase their trust and let them in. They refuse to let go of their fake personas and fake masks and walls they've built and try hard to hold onto the facade, which hurts Meen and Mork in the end. They both push and pull and show signs of vulnerability and romance only when they're alone with no one else around (like the tent scene with MeenDuen and the after school night scene with MorkPi outside). They show worry, devotion, and they show that they want them by their side. And these are the moments when we actually get to truly see who they are without their walls, their fake personas unshed, and their niceness, their care and protectiveness over them exposed.

Wan: The Comparison and Norm

When we're first introduced to the show, Wan is mentioned almost immediately as we see Pi's struggles. Because of Wan's reputation, people choose to crowd around Pi, and it's sad, but I also think Duen also had this same issue, just a bit different. With Pi, it's about his outer appearance, his beauty standards vs society's. It's exposed to him he lacks those, but it's his intelligence similar to Wan that makes people stay by his side at first. He also studies dentistry as Wan studied Medicine, viewed by societal standards as impressive and praiseworthy. Pi is used by people who want to both get to Wan and want to profit from his brain and abilities. Duen is the inverted version of this; he is seen as handsome and cool and aloof, a bit messy, but the reason why Meen first leaches onto him is his street smarts and survival skills with social interactions, he knows the right people, he is seen as cool by others including Pi, but he's also seen as dumb. He's failed repeatedly, unlike his brothers at trying to obtain a degree. So he has the outer appearance but lacks the next valuable thing in society's opinion; brains and the ability to increase your status by your talents and skills. Duen lacks that; he doesn't have any specific things about himself that he can fully be proud of. He's not highly talented, he's not intelligent, and he's also not viewed by women as extremely attractive or awe-worthy. He nonchalantly takes on this persona; he chooses to block any worries about things being serious because he lacks the smarts to think of things deeply or ponder about life's questions.

He's insecure, however, about this, and you see it when he tries to join in with Wan and Pi when they discuss vaccines and love. As Pi transforms for Nan, his lie is that he's well of without other people in his life like Mork; he pretends he's okay being seen as loud, not friendly, selfish etc. Duen's own lie to Meen is that he is a version of Wan, of what people think Wan is; intelligent, put together and reliable. Because what Duen wants from Meen all the time (he doesn't realise he already has this devotion from Meen for just being himself when he's not trying) is for Meen to want to rely on him since that's precisely what Meen keeps telling him he likes about him, or wants to learn from him; street smarts etc. Duen likes being seen as a protector, a hero, a helper etc., to Meen. And that's why he stays adamant with his lie and refuses to let Meen truly see him below the surface.

Like Pi, he also doesn't want to admit what he knows and has fought to accept, which is, he loves Meen and wants him by his side. It's the fear of losing what he has with Meen that makes him do what he does, which is the same reason Pi also keeps rejecting Mork; it's the fear of losing him. And that's the ironic thing about Pi and Duen, they're ironically trying to preserve what they love, but because of scars, insecurities and walls, they're hurting the ones they love by just refusing to be their authentic selves. It's ironic because they think being themselves is the worst option. Yet, on the surface, they act like they're fine with who they are, they're loud about being carefree of what others think of them, they're okay if these two leave them, but in reality, their worst fears are admitting that they agree with what people see in them as flaws, that they also hate themselves for that. That's heartbreaking because they fought so hard to keep loving themselves, to keep believing in their worth, but society made them genuinely think that they're wrong. And it's painful but realistic.

Again they're all similar and mirror each other. I just want people to understand that FUTS is a deep show; I know the director doesn't do the best job with what he's been trying to show, but it is deep; there is thought at times put to it in the profound moments. In the moments where both Pi and Duen aren't being fake and are their true selves, you'll notice that the jokes and humour slowly reduce whenever they are true; the narrator also reduces for Duen because he doesn't struggle as much with his feelings for Meen like he did at the first time. All the stuff that happens in the show is on purpose, even if done messily and poorly. People love to hate on the show. It has a lot of flaws, I know, but it's not the worst thing; it has deep characters that are incredibly flawed and hurt (even Mork, who we still hope will get to understand his story) it has people that act one way on the surface but hold deep scars and pains below whilst wearing a mask. The characters are unlikable because they are realistic to how people with self-sabotaging habits and deprecation act. That's why I like this show. And I'm sad I wasn't writing out more all about the meta and moments I've enjoyed so far. Anyway, I'm grateful this show has been shown this year; it definitely made me ponder my own ideas about how I view myself and if I have walls up around the people I love. I think many people do relate to Pi or Duen somehow, and it's unfortunate that the director doesn't help us feel the same way about the narrative when it's actually a great BL story to unravel and watch.

#fish upon the sky #futs #morkpi #thai bl #bl series #bl drama #cwg #fvete

77 notes · View notes

weilongfu · 5 years ago

Text

(Re)Write your own fate

WHY R U? Saifah/Zon Contains: character bashing (Zol), Author as self-insert character, “hacking” of someone’s online accounts, mild hurt/comfort, mild angst (I guess?), and parodies of real BL authors, and hopefully not that much preaching.

Summary: Zol’s lie about stopping her novel has been revealed, causing Saifah and Zon to break up because of Zon’s fears. Against Saifah and Zon’s wishes, Zol works this new conflict into the novel, adding more stress and fuel into the fire. However, not everyone on the internet is pleased with this turn. It might take some (not so) gentle nudges and a bit of account hacking, but will Saifah and Zon get back together? At least one author competing with Candy Zol hopes so.

Please read Author’s Notes under the cut prior to reading the fic just for some clarifications

Thanks to @thewickling and @ohdrey89 for looking over this and telling me if I was or wasn’t being dumb.

Author’s Notes: First, there are parodies of several actual BL author names here. These were just because I’m too lazy to come up with new names. The views and comments written here do not reflect the actual views of these authors. Please do not assume that I am actually representing them here. I’m just lazy. For the record:

LazySheep --> ActiveSheep MAME --> MAKE JittiRain --> KittiRain Chiffon_cake --> roll_cake Hideko_Sunshine --> Hideko_Moonlight BitterSweet --> SweetBitters

Second, I don’t normally do character bashing. I have painted Zol’s character in this fic a little worse than she might actually be portrayed in the drama, but I feel that it does actually bash her character. Because of this, I have tagged the fic with character bashing just to be on the safe side. My issues with Zol are not because she’s a girl who is into BL, but because she was literally told to STOP by Zon and refused because she’s popular. And from that grievance, this fic sprouted. Literally overnight.

Third, yes there is self-insert, although it’s not… exactly a true self insert? Basically, the self-insert is a more exaggerated version of me and doesn't exactly represent me. I aimed to make all the parts with the self-insert more light and silly as opposed to something very intervening and serious. In addition, I wouldn't normally call someone out like this in public. I do not condone hacking someone's account just to mess with them.

As for my self-insert name, my usual pen name is weilongfu where longfu (龙福) is written with the characters for “dragon” and “lucky/blessing.” As my self-insert really doesn’t act like me entirely and is more exaggerated, I didn’t want it to use the exact same name, so I went for what would be the “opposite” of my name. In Feng Shui, the Tiger is opposite the Dragon (even though a “proper” opposite might actually be the Yin of the Phoenix to the Yang of the Dragon) so I went with weihuhuo where huhuo is written with 虎祸, the characters for “tiger” and “misfortune.”

With that, please enjoy the fic!

It should have been just a misunderstanding.

Just your usual, normal disagreement between boyfriends.

Zon was ready, more than ready, to pick up his phone and apologize to Saifah for his harsh words the other night in reply to why Saifah had shown up late for their date. After all, Zon knew, deep down, that this was turning into a critical time for Saifah. Engineering internships were highly competitive and in order to have the best possible chance, good grades were a must. So what if a few dates got cancelled or one of them was left waiting for a half hour longer than intended? Both had agreed that such things were small in the larger scope of a future happy life together.

But once again, Zon’s computer was on the fritz and once again, Zon humored using his sister’s laptop for a minute to submit an assignment. Texts to Zen, Junior, Natee, and Tanthai to submit for him had gone unanswered and the deadline was quickly approaching.

“Zol?” Zon knocked on Zol’s door. “Are you in?”

“P’Zon!” Zol threw open the door and leaned against the doorframe. “How’s everything going with P’Saifah?! Have you made up yet?”

“Didn’t I tell you not to keep digging? We’ll resolve it in our own time.” Zon sighed before shaking his head. “Just let me use your computer for a minute. I need to submit my assignment and my computer is acting weird again.”

“P’Zon really should stop playing all those weird games on it.”

“I’m not playing anything weird!” Zon argued. Zol only giggled and gestured to her laptop. “Thanks.”

Zon had only just sat down when Zol’s eyes widened as she saw the document still open on her screen. “Phi! Wait!”

Zon’s eyes scanned over the screen to find the icon for the internet browser, but instead found several names, familiar names, popping up at him. The more Zon read, the more his brows furrowed. “You lied to me,” Zon said softly.

“P’Zon, let me explain-”

“You… You told me you stopped.” Zon’s face had turned whiter than the background of the word document, his lips trembled and fingers shook. “You told me. You promised me. You said you had stopped!” Zol started to step back, but she did not flinch. “So it’s always been a lie. Everything was a lie. My feelings? The things that happened between us? Even our fight?”

“Phi… P’Zon, it’s my most popular novel! I can’t stop writing it! It’s even getting offers for publishing!”

“And that makes this okay?!” Zon’s eyes started to get shiny with tears. “That makes it okay for you to… To take everything in my life and write it for your gain? That makes it okay for you to mould and shape everything that’s been going on just so you have more views?”

“P’Zon, the swear wasn’t real! I didn’t lie to you about that!”

“But how can I know?!” Zon pulled at his hair and screamed. Their parents came running, but Zon didn’t stop his crying. Zol only backed away, shaking her head. “HOW CAN I KNOW?!”

------

In the days that followed, Saifah could not find Zon. Nor did any of his messages get returned except for one. A link to Zol’s novel.

Saifah had known about it, heard bits and pieces on the wind and wondered early on why Zon would make so many strange faces because of it. But he’d never read it, word for word. He started reading as a joke, the beginning was strange, but not entirely unfamiliar. But the more he read, the more Saifah saw events that had happened, all interspersed between things that were too far fetched (“Who honestly has sex this many times in one night?” Saifah asked aloud.).

The way he teased Zon, the way they got together for the charity event, their dates, the guitar pick bracelet, more and more it was as if Zol had watched them entirely just to transcribe their lives.

And suddenly Zon’s fears, anxieties, and issues, all the things he whispered to Saifah in the dark of Saifah’s room, curled up together as he bit his lips to bleeding, they all made sense. Saifah couldn’t say whether Zon’s thought that the novel had come to life made sense, but Zol’s constant accuracy wouldn’t help either.

Opening up LINE, Saifah sent a message to Tutor.

Thunder Strummer: Ai Tor! I need a favor.

Tutorial: What’s up?

Thunder Strummer: I need N’Zol’s number.

Tutorial: Eh? Going to try to get Zon to talk to you through her?”

Thunder Strummer: No. I’m going to talk to her.

Zol had been more than happy to meet and chat. So much so, that Saifah was almost leery of what she might say.

The truth was that the conversation was worse than Saifah anticipated.

“I need you to respect Zon’s privacy. And mine,” Saifah said as he put down a shake in front of Zol. “There are a lot of personal details there, and it upsets your brother. In fact, I’m usually easy going N’Zol, but I’m very uncomfortable with what you’ve written as well.” Saifah sat down and crossed his arms. “I hope you can understand and take down your novel.”

Zol took a sip and smiled. “I’m very sorry that my writing has made you uncomfortable, P’Sai.” Zol offered a bow in apology. “But I really can’t. I’m in the middle of negotiations for publishing right now. Taking it down will reduce the bargaining I have because I can leverage all the popularity.”

“Are you serious?” Saifah’s mouth opened in disbelief. “Even after I’ve asked you kindly to stop?”

“Don’t worry, in the final edits, I’ll remove some things.” Zol waved her hand flippantly. “There are a few parts I’d like to rework anyway.”

“No, this isn’t up for negotiation.” Saifah leaned in. “I never gave my permission for you to write about me like this. Neither did Zon by the looks of it. In this instance, you have to take it down once we ask.”

“Like anyone even knows if it’s you, don’t be so into it, P’Sai!”

“Your novel is the reason why Zon and I won the Cute Boys Project competition.” Saifah pointed at Zol and she nearly went cross-eyed. “Don’t tell me no one knows who we are because of your novel.” Saifah grit his teeth. “In honesty, I should thank you for that, because it helped me get closer to your brother. But now it’s driving us apart. I won’t ask again. Take the novel down.”

“No way!” Zol stood up. “I’m finally on the cusp of something big. I’m going to keep moving forward. I trust that you’ll hold back on anything ridiculous simply because if you hurt me, it’d hurt P’Zon.” Saifah’s clenched fists were answer enough. “I’ll leave first then Phi. Thank you for the drink.”

------

Zol whistled to herself as she answered another email from another publisher. The bidding war over her novel was going quite well and at the end, she’d make a tidy profit. With the money, she’d have plenty to buy an apology to Zon and Saifah.

“A trip somewhere nice should do it,” Zol said to herself. “P’Zon has always wanted to go to Taiwan. We’ll make it a family trip and invite P’Sai.” Confirming her own thoughts with a nod, Zol checked the comments on her new update.

Instead of waiting for Saifah and Zon to work things out on their own, Zol had inserted her own twist. An NC-17 rated chapter were Saifah and Zon kissed and made up. Along with plenty of things that were decidedly not kissing. It was a well-loved solution to the problem that Zol had used many times. And the readers always lapped it up. Less than five hours after Zol had published the chapter, the likes and happy comments were through the roof. But as always, there were naysayers. Once or twice, Zol had found herself upset with their harsh criticism, but they always fell quiet when Zol challenged them to do better.

All of them, except for one particular thorn in her side who had never quit chastising her.

The commenter was a fellow author. Although they’d never gotten very much steam, they did have a relatively small loyal fanbase. Their pen name was rather bizarre though. Zol had looked up the Chinese characters they claimed to use and wondered why anyone would call themselves a curse or disaster.

weihuhuo: I think you really need to stop writing this novel. Zon is your brother and Saifah is another popular person on your campus. The fact that I could actually FIND THEM if I wanted to based on the details you used here is terrifying. Furthermore, they’re not toys. At least if you could have them engage in some sort of emotional development in your novel, maybe we could distance ourselves from the real people, but all you do is keep making them have sex to resolve their issues! Don’t you think it’s time to push yourself?

(Reply to weihuhuo) roll_cake: I mean… That’s how I’d write it too… But I guess I can see the point.

(Reply to weihuhuo) MAKE: I don’t see what the problem is with sex as a means to resolving issues. Plenty of people do that. Besides @.weihuhuo, I don’t see any of your fics with all that “emotional development” being half so popular.

(Reply to weihuhuo) KittiRain: These are just old tropes. I know using them is easy, but we’ve got to get with the times and realize this doesn’t help the community…

Zol scoffed under her breath before typing out her reply.

(Reply to weihuhuo) Candy Zol: Look, it’s my novel and I can do what I want. I’ve gotten permission from Zon and Saifah to use whatever details I want as well. When you have a novel that’s going to get published, like me, then you can come back and criticize me. Until then, mind your own business! Look how well my novel is doing! Maybe you should take some advice from me instead and write more sex instead of skipping around with all that emotional stuff. Who even honestly feels that way?!

Within moments, Zol found several replies under her comment.

(Reply to Candy Zol) Anon: Yeah you tell em!

(Reply to Candy Zol) ActiveSheep: You know they’re just trying to help you. Having your characters communicate healthily is a good thing! It makes the emotional connections better too!

(Reply to Candy Zol) MAKE: Wow, you’re getting published?! Congrats! Welcome to the big leagues! Don’t listen to the haters!

(Reply to Candy Zol) weihuhuo: If this is just a matter of being bested by the better writer, you’re right. I would concede and I would have no regrets. But I really can’t let this go. You’re hurting people, real people, people you KNOW, with this novel and I can’t believe that’s the price you’re willing to pay. If you’re so willing to sell them like this, then I’m going to take them off your hands. Sorry that you won’t get your promised payout, but I can’t take this any longer.

“What?” Zol squinted at the screen as if she had read it wrong. “Take them off my hands? What are you even going to do?”

Zol refreshed the page and tried to reply, but found her username was gone. Instead it called her Anonymous. Wondering how she had gotten logged out, Zol tried to log in again, but found her password failed. After typing it in several times, each time more frantic than the last, Zol attempted password recovery. However, she found that even her email address was suddenly wrong.

To add insult to injury, when Zol refreshed her novel page again, the novel was gone.

“WHAT?!”

That night, Zol didn’t sleep. Her time was spent talking to the customer support team and scrambling to find all her chapter backups. When the sun broke on the horizon, Zol had at last assembled everything to re-upload. Sure, all of her views and comments would be gone, but it was better than nothing and she was still in a firm position to get published.

With shaky hands, Zol input her new login information. The loading screen was the longest it had ever been. But in the end, instead of her usual back-end author page, a different message displayed instead.

------

Sorry Candy Zol, but I really can’t let you do this anymore. You’ll get everything back once I’ve fixed the mess you made. I hope you take this time to reflect on yourself, what you’ve done, and what you’ve become.

A writer is more than their work, but all work shows the understanding of the writer.

See you soon!

~weihuhuo

------

WHY R U Gone

By weihuhuo Summary: Saifah and Zon have gone their separate ways, a divide no one expected. How will they reconcile? The love they had was good, but as they move closer to graduation, they need to develop something better.

***

roll_cake: Huh? What happened to Candy Zol’s novel?

KittiRain: Writing fix-it for someone’s novel? Interesting choice!

MAKE: RUDE. How could you do that to Candy Zol? I’m reporting you!

ActiveSheep: Oh my… How interesting…

SweetBitters: Someone’s gonna get in trouble…

Hideko_Moonlight: A fix-it! Cool!

------

A week of silence had passed between Saifah and Zon. Neither sought the other one out. Even if they walked by each other, it was like two ghosts passing and neither could see the other. The one bridge that could have helped to mediate, Tutor, was away on a beach trip to Jeju Island with Fighter. Day had tried to get in touch with him, but another boy that sounded like Tutor but less harsh kept picking up and telling him to call back when the week was over.

Zen could only watch as Zon grew paler and thinner, his eyes dull and his movements sloppy. Even Saifah had lost some manner of charming energy. His smile never reached his eyes and even the playfulness of his voice had been stripped away.

Zen pushed a bowl of porridge in front of Zon and watched him stir abstract shapes into it, rarely lifting the spoon to his lips.

“Please eat Zon, we’re all getting worried.” Zen put a hand on top of Zon’s. “Just a little bit for me?”

“I… Is… Are you giving me porridge because you want to or because of the novel?” Zon looked up and blinked. Zen made a face.

“Of course I’m giving it to you because I want to! Zon, you need to-”

“Stop touching him!” Saifah ran over and threw Zen’s hand off of Zon and Zon recoiled at the briefest touch of Saifah’s fingers. Saifah also winced when he saw Zon’s reaction. “You-”

“You don’t have a right to talk to me about Zon right now,” Zen said as he stood up. “Zon’s not in any state to talk to you either, Ai Sai. Go. Now.”

Saifah scowled, but looked at Zon’s expression and his own fell. “Mr. Zon. My Zon. My very best Zon,” Saifah said softly. “Won’t you talk to me about this?” But Zon’s gaze was now elsewhere. “Zon…” Saifah reached out to touch him but this time Zen batted his hand away.

“I meant it Saifah. Go.”

With a sharp exhale, Saifah stormed out. Unnoticed by everyone else, Zon’s hand returned to where Saifah’s had touched it, scrabbling for purchase against the smooth surface of the table as if scratching at it hard enough could return Saifah’s hand.

***

Hideko_Moonlight: So sad! Isn’t Zon overreacting a bit though?

roll_cake: Really? This dramatic?

MAKE: Why aren’t my reports for you going through? I don’t care how interesting this sounds, you shouldn’t have done that to Candy Zol! I heard she’s in danger of losing her publication deals.

(Reply to MAKE) Anon: But don’t you have to usually take down your novels after publishing anyway so that they’re not available for free? The bulk of Candy Zol’s novel is now gone, so this is actually a step that would have to happen anyway?

(Reply to Anon): SweetBitters: Not always. Depends on the publishing company. In the case of Candy Zol, she hasn’t picked a publisher yet as far as I’ve heard, so it might not have been necessary.

(Reply to SweetBitters) Anon: Oh! Is that so? Thank you for clarifying!

KittiRain: It might be overdramatic to some, but I really like it!

ActiveSheep: Zon reaching for Saifah after he left?! OMG.

SweetBitters: You… might be onto something here…

------

Unknown No: Hello? Is this Khun Saifah?

Thunder Strummer: Who are you? How did you get my number?

Unknown No: Don’t worry about that too much.

Thunder Strummer: Did you get it from that fic about me on the internet?

Unknown No: Yikes, was your actual number on there? I could have sworn I didn’t see it… Thunder Strummer: So how did you get my number then?

Unknown No: Uh… You don’t need to know that. Unknown No: Listen, I know you’re having a tough time getting through to Zon right now. Unknown No: But don’t give up! Unknown No: Tomorrow is another day.

Thunder Strummer: Okay but seriously, where did you get my number?

Unknown No: Whoops, look at the time, gotta bounce! Unknown No: AND DON’T YOU DARE THINK ABOUT SKIPPING YOUR CIRCUITS LAB TOMORROW TO CHASE ZON!

Thunder Strummer: What? How did you Thunder Strummer: I don’t have to listen to you!

Unknown No is offline.

------

Day kicked Saifah as his gaze wandered again and his finger got closer to the heated tip of the soldering machine. Saifah jolted and nearly burnt himself anyway.

“Ai Day! What are you doing?!”

“Should I just let you burn your finger off?” Day raised an eyebrow. “How will you hold tight to your Zon again if you can’t use this finger?” Day held the pointer finger in question aloft. “If you don’t need it, can I cut it off? Hwahwa needs a nail to practice nail art on.”

“Are you crazy?!” Saifah pulled his hand back and Day laughed. “Since when are you and Hwahwa serial killers?”

“You idiot, I’m just teasing you.” Day elbowed Saifah and Saifah shrank back. “You don’t normally fall for dumb shit like this, you laugh it off louder than anyone.” Day took the circuit board away from Saifah to start assembling it himself. “What’s got you in more of a twist? Did Zon say something?”

“No… Zon wouldn’t talk to me yesterday.” Saifah pulled the spool of wire closer and started cutting off pieces to the length specified on their worksheet. “And Zen wouldn’t let me keep trying either.”

“Just take it slow. Zon seems really upset this time.” Day extended his hand and Saifah passed him a pair of pliers.

“He… We were doing really well. Even if he’s upset about Zol’s novel… I don’t understand it at all…” Saifah handed over another bunch of wires to Day and looked out the window to see someone who was definitely not an Engineering student looking at him. “Zon!”

Saifah bolted for the door, but Zon ran just as fast. Fortunately, with his longer legs, Saifah caught up quickly. This time Saifah grabbed Zon’s shoulder and pushed him against the wall. Zon’s breaths came in harder than usual and the bags under his eyes were obvious. Saifah felt his heart clench and every breath felt shorter. Zon’s eyes darted away to the side. Even though his face was pink with exertion, Saifah could see how Zon was worse for wear.

“Zon…” Saifah leaned in, clenching his hands into fists to restrain his urge to touch Zon, to pull him close and feel him again. “My best Zon. Please tell me what’s wrong.” Saifah leaned in more and Zon turned his head. Their eyes met, pleading met pain and anxiety. “My best Zon, you know how I feel.”

“But… But the novel…” Zon bit his lip and Saifah cursed the spear of heat that ran through him at the sight. “Zol, and the swear, and the novel…”

“Zon, you need to talk to me. Tell me how I can fix this.”

“You can’t fix it… If you fix it, that would be the novel…” Zon finally broke eye contact. “I don’t wanna be in the novel.”

“Okay. Okay, my Zon. I’ll talk to N’Zol again. I’ll get us both taken out of the novel for sure this time.” Saifah put his hands on Zon’s shoulders and Zon looked up at him. “See? Talking helps, right? We can still talk, right?”

“She didn’t listen… Mom and dad didn’t listen…” Zon tilted his head down and Saifah could hold back no longer. He pulled Zon against his chest and let the shorter boy sob. “Why won’t anyone listen?”

“I’m here. I’m listening. Anything, everything, my best Zon, I’ll listen.”

“No… No... “ Zon pushed against Saifah’s chest. “You can’t… If you… If you…”

“Zon, this is real.” Saifah tilted Zon’s head up. “I promise you, I’m real. My words are real.” Saifah leaned down to kiss Zon’s forehead, but Zon turned his head away. Saifah swallowed down the urge to scream. “Just wait a bit longer. I’ll get it all cleared up.”

***

KittiRain: Oh! Oh! This was so good! A nice build up!

roll_cake: Okay, I’m impressed. That worked really well. You paid off the crazy from the last chapter.

Hideko_Moonlight: I definitely think this chapter was worth what happened in the last one!

MAKE: Just who are you?! Do you have the website admins in your pocket or something? Why aren’t my reports going through? Candy Zol is freaking out right now! Don’t you all remember her?

(Reply to MAKE) SweetBitters: Of course we remember Candy Zol. And I remember Candy Zol could never write something as moving as this.

(Reply to MAKE) Anon: This fix-it has more views than Candy Zol’s original and it only has so few chapters. I think Candy Zol better hold her horses.

ActiveSheep: My word… You really are going for it! I love it!

------

Unknown No is online.

Thunder Strummer: Hey you! Thunder Strummer: How did you… Thunder Strummer: How did you know Zon would come by my class? Thunder Strummer: Who are you?

Unknown No: Tomorrow, you’ll find Zol watching Dew and Blue from the bleachers at 3PM on the football field. Unknown No: Tell her “Wei” says hello. Unknown No: That ought to get her to pay attention if she refuses to listen.

Thunder Strummer: Is that your name? Wei?

Unknown No: Of a sort, yes. Unknown No: But you don’t need to worry about that. Unknown No: We both have a common goal, getting Zon to feel better. Unknown No: And teaching Zol a lesson. Unknown No: Oh, and if you could juuuuust tell Champ to show up on the field around say… 3:10PM? Unknown No: You’ll find it throws a nice wrench in Zol’s plans too. Unknown No: Juuuuust saying.

Thunder Strummer: I don’t understand you. Thunder Strummer: But if it fucks with N’Zol for now, I’m game.

Unknown No: ;)

Unknown No is offline.

------

Zol set down her binoculars and picked up her pen to jot down a fresh set of notes. Dew was kicking balls at Blue, attempting to get him to perfect his chest block. Blue did his best, but Dew was always kicking too hard and Blue was always winded after trying to catch one. Before Zol could pick up her binoculars again, Saifah stepped in front of her, arms crossed and face stern.

“N’Zol, we need to talk.”

“P’Sai, I’m really sorry, but I need to finish my observations here for… Class! Yes, I’m studying the layout of the field for a drawing.” Zol tugged on Saifah’s uniform smock. “Could you please just come back later?”

Saifah sighed and grit his teeth. “Wei says hello.”

Zol froze and her gaze turned into a frosty glare. “What. Did. P’Sai. Say?”

Saifah widened his eyes and plastered a smile on his face. “Wei. Says. Hello.”

At that Zol screeched and threw down her pen. But at that very moment, Champ walked onto the field and spotted Dew standing and Blue on the ground, rubbing his chest. He pulled Blue up and patted him on the chest before lifting his shirt up and looking for signs of bruising. Blue blushed, but there was a smile on his face. Dew’s face turned murderous, but as Champ moved away and he caught a glimpse of Blue’s body, Dew’s face also turned just a bit pink. Champ traced the red marks on Blue’s chest, causing him to shiver and Dew licked his lips. A moment later, Champ led Blue away and Blue followed happily. Dew kicked at the grass before picking up the bag of soccer balls and following after them. Zol huffed and turned to Saifah.

“You… You know that jerk?”

“I’ve heard of him,” Saifah said carefully. “I was told to tell you they said hello.”

“Do you know what they did to me?!” Zol stood up. “They hacked my account! My entire novel, gone! Fortunately I had my backups saved and I was able to email the chapters to the publishers to see if they really wanted to publish…”

“Even after all this, you’re still going through with it?” Saifah shook his head in wonder. “You… You really think it’s okay?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?” Zol defiantly rattled off a list of publishing companies. Saifah made a note of them in his mind. “They all want my novel. Why wouldn’t I move forward? In the end, this will be a minor setback.” Zol flipped her hair. “And I was planning on buying an appropriate apology gift for you and P’Zon. You know how much Phi has been wanting to go see Taiwan, don’t you?” Zol fluttered her lashes. “Wouldn’t that be enough to say sorry? If I buy us all a trip to Taiwan?”

“It’s not about money. How could you ask me or your brother to put a price on our lives like that?” Saifah sighed and looked to the side. A familiar head of hair peeked out of the side and then hid. “I don’t have time for this. If your novel is already taken down, then that’s all I wanted anyway.” Saifah turned around and took a few steps. “As for those publishing companies. Good luck. You’ll need it.”

Saifah walked off and Zol sat back down, frowning as she looked at her notes. It wasn’t until she was packing up that she realized her mistake.

Saifah found Zon not too far away and pulled the shorter boy along. Zon didn’t flinch, but he did walk slowly, dragging his feet.

“Come on, my Zon. No need to wear your shoes out like that.” Saifah nudged Zon’s chin and the corner of Zon’s lips twitched. “Are you asking me to carry you?”

“Last time, I carried you,” Zon mumbled as he looked away.

“You did. My Zon is very strong.” Saifah brushed the hair out of Zon’s face. “But right now he’s not feeling so strong. So will you let me support you for now?”

“You support me, I support you.” Zon nodded his head. “We agreed on that, didn’t we?” Zon said before leaning against Saifah. Zon’s arms tightened around Saifah’s waist and it felt like one step closer to home.

“We agreed. So let me support you for now.” Saifah turned and Zon climbed on to Saifah’s back. Saifah put his hands under Zon’s knees and lifted him easily. “Do you want lunch? I think we should have a nice late lunch.”

Zon rested his head on top of Saifah’s as Saifah continued to ramble while walking to their favorite restaurant near campus.

***

SweetBitters: Was calling out Candy Zol like this necessary? I’m sure she’s not like that in person…

(Reply to SweetBitters) Anon1: Actually… I go to the same school as Candy Zol and she really does watch the boys like that and takes notes… N’Blue was the last one she approached and I heard she wanted to ship him with P’Dew even though N’Blue said he didn’t like P’Dew.

(Reply to Anon1) Anon2: OMG I HEARD THAT TOO! Poor Blue, P’Dew treats him so badly! I heard Blue wanted to be paired with P’Champ! Gosh, wouldn’t that be a pairing?! P’Champ is so cool… He could totally take care of Blue!

(Reply to Anon2) Anon1: KYA!!! YOU’RE SO RIGHT! I’m totally gunning for ChampBlue now! Forget this DewBlue stuff!

roll_cake: On one hand, that Candy Zol call out is so mean... On the other hand, THAT SAIFAHZON! Gosh, I wish I could write something that soft sometimes.

(Reply to roll_cake) ActiveSheep: THE COMMUNICATION THOUGH!

(Reply to ActiveSheep) roll_cake: YES! I AGREE. THE ONE THING THAT REDEEMS THIS CHAPTER!

Hideko_Moonlight: I never thought I’d see someone portrayed so mean… And those comments about Candy Zol at school…

MAKE: It’s all lies! I talk to Candy Zol all the time and she’s never been like this!

KittiRain: My heart hurts for so many reasons…

------

Unknown No is online.

Thunder Strummer: You could have just told me you took the novel down. Thunder Strummer: It would have saved me 20 min of my life I’ll never get back arguing with Zol.

Unknown No: But… Unknown No: Would you have found out all of Zol’s publishers if I did? Unknown No: And you had such a nice lunch with Zon, didn’t you? Unknown No: -smiley bear sticker- Unknown No: So as I see it, did I manipulate you? Yes. But did it get you maximum gain? Also yes.

Thunder Strummer: Are you telling me to trust you?

Unknown No: Oh, god no. I’m just a person, like you. Unknown No: I could make mistakes too.

Thunder Strummer: So why are you so involved? What do you get from fixing my relationship?

Unknown No: Do I need to get something out of it? Unknown No: Is it not enough to do something good for good people?

Thunder Strummer: That’s a lie too, isn’t it?

Unknown No: You’re catching on. Unknown No: You’re quite smart, Khun Saifah.

Thunder Strummer: No hint for tomorrow? Thunder Strummer: -laughing sticker- Thunder Strummer: Can you tell me the weather at least?

Unknown No: Hahahaha… Unknown No: You are funny Khun Saifah. Unknown No: Carry an umbrella. Unknown No: See what good it does you.

Thunder Strummer: Is that a threat?

Unknown No: -smiley sticker- Unknown No: Like I said, very smart, Khun Saifah.

Unknown No is offline.

------

The sun was bright and strong, the sky was a beautiful blue, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. Saifah wrinkled his nose in distaste at the umbrella weighing down his bag. He’d taken the best and most sturdy one he could find in the house, the strange Wei’s warning fresh in his mind.

Saifah soon found he shouldn’t have bothered. The weather stayed clear the entire day, as if mirroring Saifah’s mood because Zon had finally replied to one of his texts to meet up again. Floating on air, Saifah happily met Zon in the quad on a sunny patch of grass. Zon had his laptop open, glasses on, and brow furrowed. Saifah skipped up and put his hands on Zon’s shoulders, already starting to knead them. The look on Zon’s face meant he had been writing and with his tendency to curl up in such a way, Saifah knew a shoulder massage would be appreciated.

Zon groaned at first and then sighed happily. He turned to look over his shoulder and Saifah smiled at him softly. Zon set his laptop aside and hunched over more to allow Saifah more comfortable access to his back. Although some students stopped to stare or take pictures, the majority paid the pair no mind, which was exactly how they wanted it.

“What… What did you want to… Oh shit… Saifah there…” Saifah smirked as he dug into a particular knot in Zon’s lower back. “I missed your massages.”

“I missed giving them to you.” Saifah’s fingers trailed down Zon’s sides, making him shiver. However, Zon decidedly kept his eyes straight ahead. Saifah felt a pang in his gut, but continued on. “But are you okay to talk now?”

“Uh…” Zon groaned as Saifah’s thumbs dug in. “Yes?”

“So… I found out all the publishers your sister is getting offers from.”

“What?!” Zon turned around, eyes lit up with some kind of mania that Saifah had rarely seen. “You found out who sent her offers?”

“I think we can contact them and tell them the situation. Maybe they can put a stop to the novel.”

Zon furrowed his brow again. “It makes sense but… I think we need to call in some help.”

“Help?”

“The Faculty of Law students might be able to help. They aren’t lawyers, not yet or anything but… They could at least help us not sound like idiots?”

Saifah smiled. “Good idea, my Zon.”

Zon smiled back. “So… Have you heard of P’Tine? You know, the one dating the guitarist, P’Sarawat?”

“Wait… P’Tine? P’Sarawat? How do you know them?”

Zon sighed. “Would you believe me if I said I read about them?” Saifah just laughed. As he leaned back, Zon caught sight of his umbrella. “Oh, is it supposed to rain today?”

Saifah snorted and nudged the offending item. “No. I got a bad tip about that.”

Zon squinted at the sky. “We could use it for shade? Want to take a nap?”

Saifah sat up immediately. “Nap? Nap together?”

Zon took up the umbrella, opened it and lay it to cast some shade before he laid down and turned his back on Saifah. “You stay on your side.”

Saifah found himself smiling. “Whatever you say, my Zon.”

Unbeknownst to them, Zol watched from afar. Although her pen was poised and her notebook open, she found no words.

***

ActiveSheep: HAHAHA hey @.KittiRain catch that reference?!

(Reply to ActiveSheep) KittiRain: @.weihuhuo so this is why you wanted permission! Nice timing!

(Reply to KittiRain) SweetBitter: Gosh, so cool! Hey @.weihuhuo Saifah is in Engineering! Why not toss in one of my boys too! I’ll give you permission!

(Reply to SweetBitter) Hideko_Moonlight: I’ve got some Engineering boys too! @.weihuhuo, hit me up!

MAKE: How can you all be so eager like this? Did you forget this isn’t even their novel! Why ask all of you for permission when they didn’t even do the same to Candy Zol?!

(Reply to MAKE) roll_cake: But @.weihuhuo had a point about what Candy Zol was doing. Besides, can you honestly say you’ve ever had this much fun reading SaifahZon when she was writing it?

(Reply to roll_cake) MAKE: Why does that matter? It’s Candy Zol’s story! @.weihuhuo had no right to criticize her or take away her work! They’re no better than she is!

(Reply to MAKE) weihuhuo: That’s true. At this point, morally, I’m really no better than Candy Zol is. But you know what? This time I have permission for real. -image of LINE chat from Saifah and Zon indicating permission- Byeeeeeeee!

------

Unknown No is online.

Thunder Strummer: You’re really ridiculous, you know that right? Thunder Strummer: Oh take an umbrella, see what good it does you. Thunder Strummer: I really don’t understand how your brain works.

Unknown No: And if you did, would you have gotten such a nice chance to nap with Zon again? Unknown No: How long has it been since you had such casual intimacy. Unknown No: And in public no less! How scandalous!

Thunder Strummer: … Thunder Strummer: How do you know all this?

Unknown No: Are you sure you want to know? Unknown No: I’ll tell you the truth right now if you’re sure. Unknown No: You’ve already done everything I needed you to. Unknown No: You and Zon can work out the rest if I confess.

Thunder Strummer: You’re serious? Thunder Strummer: Just like that?

Unknown No: Just. Like. That. Unknown No: No strings. No payback. Nothing. Unknown No: The only thing I ask is that you send a link to Zon after I tell you.

Thunder Strummer: That sounds like payback to me.

Unknown No: As always, very smart, Khun Saifah. Unknown No: But… You’re going to do it anyway, aren’t you? Unknown No: -smiley sticker-

Thunder Strummer: … Thunder Strummer: Send me the link.

Unknown No: And that in itself will be my answer to you. Unknown No: [URL] Unknown No: Happy reading. Unknown No: Both of you.

Unknown No is offline.

------

Saifah paced back and forth. He had stayed up all night reading what Wei, or more accurately, “weihuhuo” had sent him. The words had swam before his eyes and Saifah found himself more confused than ever. Everything of the last few days was there. Every word spoken, every touch, every detail. But the last bits, the things that came after the chapter ended, those were missing.

After Saifah left Zon that first day, it didn’t say how Saifah had watched Zon from a distance, followed him home, watched him collapse, and even tucked him into bed. Zon had woken up if only briefly, reaching out to touch Saifah’s face and Saifah had let him. Zon’s hand had lingered for only a moment and Zon then pulled away, rolling over.

When Saifah confronted Zol for the second time, the chapter didn’t say how Saifah had held Zon for what felt like forever. Had wiped away Zon’s tears with his thumbs and kissed his brow. How Zon had shuddered before gently pushing Saifah back.

The day Saifah and Zon had lunch together, they found themselves in the music room again; an event that had also gone unwritten. Guitars in hand, they laughed their way through a jam session, as if it was like the start of their relationship all over again. Zon messed up one of his chords and through giggles, Saifah fixed his fingers, the touch electric. Both boys looked into each other's eyes again, but Zon looked away first. However, he didn’t run. And Saifah was so grateful he could have cried.

Zon had been the first to wake after their nap, and from all manner of grass and leaves around him, he had made a little pile of it all on top of Saifah’s head. When Saifah awoke, leaves and blades of grass falling all around him, Zon only pointed at him and laughed. Saifah found himself laughing along for no reason other than the infectiousness of Zon’s joy.

But what did it mean? What did it say when so much written word matched what had happened, but the most painful, the most joyful, were all left to them?

Saifah looked at the message he’d saved and his finger hovered over the send button.

“Ah, N’Saifah!” A handsome young man with light brown hair, warm eyes, and just a bit taller than Saifah came up. Saifah put his phone away. Not far behind him, a slightly tanner, just as tall, man with darker eyes and a broodier expression followed with a guitar case on his back. Both wore the common school uniform of a white button up shirt and khaki or black pants. “I’m Tine. Nice to meet you.”

Saifah offered a wai. “Nice to meet you too. Is that…” Saifah pointed at the man lagging behind. “P’Sarawat?”

Tine turned around and sighed. “Saraleo!” Tine shouted. Saifah jumped, not expecting boyfriends to address each other that way. “Hurry up!” Sarawat only raised an eyebrow and mouthed something back that looked like, “Tua woon wai.” Tine huffed and turned back to Saifah. “It is. Ai Wat likes to do things at his own pace. But in any case, here. This is for you.” Tine dug around in his bag and pulled out a folder of documents. “I did my best to write up what you told me, patched up the logic, and cited a few cases.” Tine preened and pushed his hair back. “It should be enough to get them to at least halt the buying of the novel.”

“Thank you Phi.” Saifah wai’d again. “You really didn’t have to go so far. Just helping to set us on the right track would be enough.”

“Oh, it’s not a big deal. Really!” Tine smiled just as Sarawat made it to them and rested his arm on Tine’s shoulder. “Oof, Ai Wat, you’re too heavy! Don’t do that!”

“You woke me up early to be here. Deal with it.”

“Saraleo!”

“Tua woon wai.”

“Are you two really together?” Saifah blurted out. “I just… I mean Zon and I used to… disagree. But this is…”

Tine laughed and Sarawat gave an indifferent stare. “I know right? You’d never expect a chic guy like me to fall for someone like this moody bastard, huh?” Sarawat pinched Tine’s cheek Tine smacked his hand away, but his expression turned softer. “But that’s just a narrative, right? One that people expected.” Tine reached out and Sarawat easily entwined their fingers together. “But I found out I don’t have to follow any narrative. It might set up things for me, but it was up to me to decide my feelings and follow them to a conclusion I wanted.” Sarawat scoffed, but he rubbed his thumb across Tine’s knuckles. “And I decided I really did like Sarawat, no matter the narrative I internalized.”

“You’re talking too much, tua woon wai. Look at him, he’s got steam coming out of his ears.” Sarawat jerked his head in an approximation of a nod and goodbye in one before pulling Tine away.

“Gosh, has no one ever taught you manners?!” Tine slapped Sarawat’s shoulder, but it did nothing. “Bye, N’Saifah! Let me know if you run into any more problems!”

Saifah looked at the documents in his hand. “It doesn’t matter what the narrative is. It’s up to us to decide what we want.” Saifah pulled his phone out and pressed send.

------

Zon furrowed his brows. The more he read, the more confused he was. Didn’t Saifah say Zol’s novel was taken down? So what was all this? Another author? Another novel? But Zon couldn’t remember ever making a pact or swear with this “weihuhuo” so how could he be stuck in their novel?!

Just as his panic was starting to reach a new height, Zon’s phone beeped with a message.

weihuhuo: Hello! Is this Khun Zon? weihuhuo: This is weihuhuo. I imagine you have questions for me.

“HAH?!” Zon nearly threw his phone. “This… This guy found me?! How?!”

Another beep.

weihuhuo: I imagine you have A LOT of questions for me. weihuhuo: So you might as damn well answer me, you ball of anxiety, and get this over with. weihuhuo: You honestly think you’re my only WIP right now?

Zon unlocked his phone and frowned.

Zon_to_you: What the heck do you mean by WIP? Zon_to_you: Work In Progress?

weihuhuo: You’re an author too. You know I mean Work In Progress.

Zon_to_you: So how am I a WIP to you?

weihuhuo: Look, I see problems, I try to fix them. weihuhuo: And let me tell you, your sister, was a doozy. weihuhuo: Even after my chat with you, I still have to deal with her. weihuhuo: I’m already at more than 7k words. weihuhuo: Don’t even get me started on those boys from Law and Political Sci Saifah met with today. weihuhuo: Thank god they’ve got their shit together in this one.

Zon_to_you: P’Tine and P’Sarawat?

weihuhuo: That’s the pair. weihuhuo: God help me, Tine’s head is always in his ass until the very end. No matter how hard I try. weihuhuo: At least the guys in 1920s China are so malleable...

Zon_to_you: But… I don’t understand? Zon_to_you: Are you saying… You’ve been setting us all up all along? Zon_to_you: Writing our lives in your crazy novels? Zon_to_you: Controlling everything?

weihuhuo: Oh geez. weihuhuo: Look, like I told your boyfriend

Zon_to_you: NOT MY BOYFRIEND

weihuhuo: Okay, not your boyfriend right now weihuhuo: Because you’re still hurting and reevaluating weihuhuo: But you know you two never actually broke up so technically weihuhuo: You’re still boyfriends!

Zon_to_you: Didn’t you say you’ve got other things to do?

weihuhuo: Okay okay I’m going! weihuhuo: I’m just a person with a word processor. weihuhuo: I don’t control jack shit. weihuhuo: If I could control characters and people, do you think I’d be doing this in my spare time? weihuhuo: I’d be out there ruling the world and creating utopia. weihuhuo: In the end, it’s not up to me to make you love Saifah or anyone. weihuhuo: Your sister definitely doesn’t have that power either. weihuhuo: I mean, come on Khun Zon. weihuhuo: Would it kill you to look at the timestamps for her updates? weihuhuo: Most chapters that were strongly based in your life were published at least a DAY after you and Saifah did ANYTHING. weihuhuo: And all those chapters she wrote before you and Saifah got together were absolute garbage that never happened IRL. You just thought they were happening because similar stuff happened.

Zon_to_you: So what about your chapters then?!

weihuhuo: Well, at last, you say something smart! weihuhuo: I’m a special case. weihuhuo: I don’t manipulate you. I just setup the scene and ask myself, “What will Saifah do? What would Zon do?” weihuhuo: Eventually there is a part I can’t assume. That’s where you both fill in the blanks yourself.

Zon_to_you: Fill in the blanks?

weihuhuo: Yep. Didn’t you see? There were plenty of things I wrote. weihuhuo: And plenty I didn’t. weihuhuo: A wealth of experiences you and Saifah had together where I did nothing. weihuhuo: And wasn’t he by your side, even when I didn’t put him there?

Zon_to_you: … Zon_to_you: He was…

weihuhuo: How else can I tell you that Saifah was sincere. weihuhuo: Is sincere. weihuhuo: Will always be sincere?

Zon_to_you: You can’t.

weihuhuo: -clapping sticker- weihuhuo: Correct! I can’t! weihuhuo: Only Saifah can do that for you now. weihuhuo: So are you willing to listen?

Zon_to_you: I think… Zon_to_you: I think I am. Zon_to_you: So what happens now?

weihuhuo: What happens indeed! weihuhuo: I’m waiting to see. weihuhuo: My interference with you two is done. weihuhuo: Goodbye, Khun Zon.

------

Saifah checked his phone again and kept running. Zon had wanted to meet to discuss the replies from the publishing companies, but Saifah’s lab had run long. And even with Saifah’s recent luck, a downpour started. Cursing some more, Saifah ran the last block and knocked on the door to Zon’s house. His mother greeted Saifah happily and let him in before grabbing him a towel.

“Thank you, mae,” Saifah said as he toweled his hair. “Is Zon home?”

“Indeed he is. He’s been doing better since you both started talking again.” She pinched Saifah’s cheek. “Don’t be so stubborn at the same time again.”

Saifah pouted. “I promise, mae, I won’t.”

“Come, go to Zon’s room and get changed into something else. I’ll put your clothes in the dryer.”

“No, that’s really not-”

“You’re staying for dinner and staying the night. Mae has decided.” Zon’s mother pinched Saifah’s cheek again. “The rain is too hard to let you leave or we’d drive you home. Spend the night and ease my mind, won’t you?”

“Oh ho, if mae asks like that, how can I refuse? I’m not naughty like Zon.” Saifah smiled. “Then please excuse me.”

Saifah walked to Zon’s room, paying extra attention to Zol’s door which was firmly shut. Inside, the furious clacking of keys could be heard, as if Zol was aiming to write more than a thousand words a minute by pure force of will.

“Saifah?” Zon’s head peeked out from behind his door and Saifah whipped around to face him. “When did you get here?” Zon looked him over. “And you’re so wet? Why didn’t you say something! Come on, I’ve got some of your spare clothes here…” Zon wandered back inside and left the door ajar.

Saifah smiled and walked in, casually stripping off his outer clothes, but not until after he closed Zon’s door behind him and pushed something in the way. If Zol wanted to get her scoop, let her fight for it.

Zon returned from his digging with a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt which Saifah happily changed into. Saifah also politely ignored Zon’s stares over the planes of his body. Tonight was not about that.

“So, I heard back from the publishing companies,” Saifah said as he flopped onto Zon’s bed. Zon followed suit.

“What did they say?”

Saifah raised his arm and Zon hesitated for a moment before slipping into the space to rest his head on Saifah’s shoulder. “They’re halting the deals until they can look through the novel to confirm what we said about the personal details Zol put in.” Saifah’s fingers trailed over Zon’s shoulders, rememorizing the gentle curve. “If they confirm what we said, then they’ll withdraw.”

Instead of bolting up, Zon snuggled closer. Saifah felt his heart skip a beat. “That’s great news,” Zon said softly. “I almost… I almost feel kind of bad.”

“Why is that? It’s wrong for her to write about us like that without our consent.”

“I said almost!” Zon slapped Saifah’s chest and Saifah mocked feeling hurt. “I never wanted my sister to fail. I just… Don’t want her to succeed like this.”

“There’s another option, you know.” Saifah’s grip tightened on Zon’s shoulder, but just a hair. “We can tell them that they can accept, but Zol will have to edit out everything, change the names, change the details, and she can still sell it after that, but it won’t have anything to do with us.”

Zon tilted his head to look at Saifah’s face instead of the wall. “You know… I don’t think the novel really had much to do with us.”

“What?” This time Saifah actually did sit up. “All our personal information is in there!”

“Well, yes, that’s there.” Zon slowly pulled Saifah back down and Saifah obliged. “I mean… I realize now it really didn’t have much to do with you and me. Our relationship.” Zon placed one of his hands over Saifah’s heart. “Yeah, it got us votes during the Cute Boy Competition. But… I chose to open my heart to you, didn’t I?”

Saifah smiled. “Yeah. And I chose to open my heart to you too.”

Zon held up a pinky. “Do you swear?”

Saifah immediately linked his pinky with Zon’s. “My Zon, my best Zon, I promise you, I swear to you, all that I feel for you has always been real, will always be real. None of it will ever be influenced by a thing another person writes about us on the internet. And if I lie, may someone intervene to show me the error of my ways.”

The two of them laughed, the memory of the strange author on the internet still fresh in their minds before Zon kissed their linked pinkies and Saifah had never wanted anything more than to hug Zon and never let go. “Then I promise the same.”

“Zon…”

Zon rolled over to lay on top of Saifah before crawling up. Saifah lay still until Zon’s lips approached his. “I love you, Saifah. My Saifah. My best Saifah.”

Saifah’s hands traveled up Zon’s back to caress the back of his neck and head. “And I love you, Zon. My Zon. My best Zon.”

The two kissed softly again and again, laying together peacefully and quietly. They needed nothing else until Zon’s mother called them all for dinner.

***

roll_cake: Wait, that’s it? That’s the ending? Noooooo! Come back @.weihuhuo! Give us some more! You can’t end it like this!

ActiveSheep: So good, but so cruel… @.weihuhuo, please tell me you have future plans for this?!

Hideko_Moonlight: Come on! Just one more chapter! This was all so beautiful!

SweetBitters: I’m DYING. My insides have turned to fluff. There are no organs anymore. Just feels.

KittiRain: The ending we really needed for SaifahZon!

Anon1: WRITE THE SEX. WRITE THE SEX. WRITE THE SEX.

(Reply to Anon1) Anon2: AGREED. PLEASE WRITE THE SEX.

MAKE: I… I can’t… HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? HOW COULD YOU MAKE ME LOVE THIS AND THEN END IT LIKE THIS? AFTER ALL THE THINGS YOU’VE PUT ME THROUGH. THIS IS THE W. O. R. S. T.

weihuhuo: Sorry everyone. That’s the end of that. But you can look forward to my next fic! I promise you even more enjoyment!

------

Zol was close to tears when the emails started to flood in. Just when she thought she had seen a light at the end of the tunnel, the offers were suddenly on hold. Her mistake in telling Saifah all the publishing companies giving her offers had come around to bite her. After several days of waiting, Zol was at her wits end.

Suddenly, after another night, all the offers had returned, but were entirely conditional on major edits to her manuscript. Chief of which was removal of all identifying information about Saifah and Zon as well as changing their names and majors.

“They… They did it. They really did it…” Zol looked through the documents she received by email. Every detail that needed to be changed had been highlighted for her and marked with suggestions. “This is…” Suddenly, Zol’s phone beeped.

weihuhuo: Hello, Zol. weihuhuo: I suppose it’s time for our chat.

Zol scrunched up her face.

Candy Zol: How dare you show your face around here?

weihuhuo: I don’t dare. That’s why my display picture isn’t me!

Candy Zol: Get to the point you asshole.

weihuhuo: You do realize it now, don’t you? That what you’ve done has repercussions? weihuhuo: You saw it when you saw how Saifah and Zon have been on eggshells around each other since Zon found out you lied. weihuhuo: And so you couldn’t even finish your novel until the other night when you sent it for approval for the deals.

Candy Zol: And whose fault was that?!

weihuhuo: Yours. I had nothing to do with the fact that you rely heavily on stalking people and writing about their lives. weihuhuo: If that’s all you’ve got, you should just become an autobiographer instead.

Candy Zol: I’m blocking you!

weihuhuo: Try it! weihuhuo: See if it works! weihuhuo: Besides, after today, I will never talk to you again. weihuhuo: This was just a one time thing. I don’t like to get involved like this very often, if at all. weihuhuo: I’m much more of a behind the scenes person when it comes to things like this. weihuhuo: God I’m getting flashbacks to my teenage years on ff.net just thinking about it. weihuhuo: -shuddering sticker-

Candy Zol: What are you even talking about?

weihuhuo: Look, my point is, that you felt it, didn’t you? weihuhuo: You saw how hurt Saifah and Zon were. weihuhuo: And you’re telling me you were still firm on doing this?

Zol hesitated for a moment.

Candy Zol: Yes, I was.

weihuhuo: So why don’t you tell me about all those DewBlue notes you took? weihuhuo: -smiley sticker-

Candy Zol: You know there aren’t any! Candy Zol: You had Champ go there and stop them!

weihuhuo: Did I tell Champ to stop them? weihuhuo: I have no recollection of that. weihuhuo: I never talked to him at all. weihuhuo: But I knew Champ cares about Blue. If not as anything else, as an underclassman. weihuhuo: And that’s a damn lot more than what Dew has ever shown Blue. weihuhuo: So why not let the young man have his fill of a kind senior that actually cares?

Candy Zol: Because I said so!

weihuhuo: So? weihuhuo: Do you know when what you say matters the most? weihuhuo: When it’s just your fantasy. weihuhuo: Do you know when it matters the least? weihuhuo: When it’s someone’s real life.

Zol bit her lip before replying.

Candy Zol: But I want to write about them.

weihuhuo: How nice of you. weihuhuo: So then why does what they do in real life matter? weihuhuo: If it’s a fantasy, why are you weighed down by every detail in reality?

Candy Zol: Whatever. It doesn’t matter. All the details need to be changed anyway or they won’t buy my novel.

weihuhuo: That’s a rather gracious offer, don’t you think? weihuhuo: That even your brother and Saifah considered it is very kind. weihuhuo: I couldn’t have even foreseen that. weihuhuo: Except for how much Zon loves you despite how you’ve wronged him.

At that, Zol finally sighed and looked at her door.

Candy Zol: Debatable. Candy Zol: P’Zon and P’Saifah hardly talked to me at dinner last night.

weihuhuo: Have you tried doing what you should have done all along?

Zol stared at the words on the screen for several minutes.

Candy Zol: I didn’t.

weihuhuo: Well, it’s a place to start IMO. weihuhuo: And with that, I’m off.

Candy Zol: Off? Off to where?

weihuhuo: Eh, to bed. Where else? weihuhuo: It’s nearly 4AM where I am. weihuhuo: I lost sleep over this because of you.

Candy Zol: WHO ASKED YOU TO?!

weihuhuo: A fair question! weihuhuo: My friend did. How was I supposed to know getting to this conversation with you would take me two more hours of my time?

Candy Zol: What? It’s been days since P’Zon and P’Saifah got back together!

weihuhuo: A few days for you. weihuhuo: The magic of jump cuts for me.

Candy Zol: WTF?

weihuhuo: Goodbye, Zol. weihuhuo: I hope I never have to talk to you again.

A few days later, Saifah awoke first and shuffled out of bed. After a shower and prodding Zon awake, Saifah opened the door to Zon’s room to find a stack of papers with a sticky note attached.

Please check that I’ve changed everything sufficiently before I send it to the publishing company for their review.

I know it’s not much. But I am sorry that I pushed you both in ways that I shouldn’t. I’m sorry I didn’t listen when you both first asked kindly. I’m sorry I caused P’Zon a lot of anxiety and pain.

I hope you both can forgive me at some point. Trip or no trip to Taiwan.

~Zol

Saifah set the stack of papers carefully on Zon’s desk. As he did, Zon came up behind him and wrapped his arms around Saifah’s waist. Saifah smiled and turned his head to look at Zon, but Zon kept dodging. Saifah laughed at Zon’s antics and felt Zon’s smile pressed against his back.

“Is it Zol’s manuscript?” he asked sleepily.

“Yeah. And she says she’s sorry.”

Zon hummed and rubbed his face into the space between Saifah’s shoulder blades. Saifah felt his heart melting. “Do you want to read it together tonight?”

“Yeah,” Saifah said as he pat Zon’s hands. “Let’s work it out together.”

***

SweetBitters: FUCK YES AN EPILOGUE?! @.weihuhuo You are a fucking LEGEND. SO SOFT.

MAKE: Guys, don’t forget to pre-order Candy Zol’s novel! She promises all the sweet moments are still there, she just changed all the names and stuff! And… I guess good job on the epilogue. It was sweet.

roll_cake: This was so soft. I can’t believe you actually… wrote a redemption arc for Zol. In less than 1k words…. What kind of ridiculous…

(Reply to roll_cake) ActiveSheep: And it… It actually kind of worked?

(Reply to ActiveSheep) roll_cake: Seriously… What kind of witchcraft?

(Reply to roll_cake) ActiveSheep: You think @.weihuhuo would teach us the witchcraft?

(Reply to ActiveSheep) roll_cake: Prepare the sacrifices.

Hideko_Moonlight: The ONE TIME self-insert actually worked for me. Good job!

Candy Zol: That conversation was SO HEAVILY EDITED. @.weihuhuo Don’t let me catch you being a jerk around here ever again!

KittiRain: Guys, I agree the epilogue was nice, but it’s so obvious it was a shot at extending the word count so @.weihuhuo would hit 10k words…

(Reply to KittiRain) roll_cake: I mean, I agree… But did you have to say it that way?

(Reply to roll_cake) KittiRain: Just calling it like I see it!

(Reply to KittiRain) ActiveSheep: Valid.

#why r u?#why r u #why r u the series #saifahzon #it's like crack taken seriously and yet not

58 notes · View notes