#jim is a history nerd like me fight me

[kirby-derb]

im a big fan of Au's LIKE huge fan of the like college au's, coffee shop au's and all of that

and recently my brother dragged, n yeah I mean dragged, into the call of duty little world

So: College Au and you can fight me this is real I've seen it

John Price: now i put some thought into it but I strongly believe his major is either something like political science or history. He's probably one of the older ones on campus, (28) but he lives in his own apartment a good five minutes walk away. He's not the best student, but he sits in the second row in lecture halls and he IS the one someone would go to for notes because he somehow remembers everything?? His free time is either filled with taking his sister's dog (she lives with him) for a walk or he's volunteering at the local history museum as a tour guide/kids party guide. Ahem now just like everyone else in the world he needs shcoalship money and he found that he's relatively okay at debate, so he tried oug and by the end of the semester he was the captain. It works out.

Kyle Garrick: DONT GET ME WRONG, Kyle is a genuis. However I think journalism with maybe a minor in pre-law is his speed. He started a semester late so many people assumed he wasn't thr brightest, which was wrong, he's currently head of the school paper and has an internship with the cities main news outlet. He's the golden child, right up front, hand raised with a question whenever he was confused (and the whole class was too but he had the guts to actually ask) with his free time he is either working out, or is at the school coffee shop, if there are no seats he WILL sit on the floor, headphones on and furiously typing away- he's writing a memoir.

Simon Riley: Psychology. I'm SORRY but you cannot look me dead and in the eyes and say that poor baby that was traumatized wouldn't wanna know how the brain worked so he could fix himself. And that's why he chose it too, so he could fix himself and maybe like a friend or two. He's a solid B, rarely an A or rarely a C student. He sits in the back, sometimes he looks asleep but no? Now he and his roommate are both nocturnal otherwise he would have a small light clipped onto his text book and study there, instead he will go study in the lecture rooms till the security guard will come- his name is Jim, he and Simon are buds. For free time he likes walking down to the boxing gym that's not too far away, it's attached to some apartment complex. Now for his extracurricular, which he very hesitantly did- but he was cornered by some nerd in engineering so- ugh, well he's apart of the unofficial rugby team.

Johnny MacTavish: said nerd in engineering. He's technically double majoring in mechanical and chemical, how he's alive no one knows. He does spend about 99% of his time in the lab/workshop, or if someone's TV breaks down he's there is about two shakes. When he isn't studying, building, fixing, playing rugby with the psych dude who totally isn't his type he's asleep. Hate to say it but he doesn't have any free time, nd he perfers it that way. He does play rugby, and he's trying to make an official team- however till then he's also a prime member in the robotics club, his professions are trying to become president but that's just...so much time, time he doesn't have.

Um yeah? This is my first post so if you find anything wrong with it or if you see i did something wrong please please let me know!

[sunshine-captain]

Sarek has some diplomatic business that requires he stay on earth for a while, like six months or so, but he has to stay in San Francisco to do it. Amanda wants Spock to experience more of earth, but not the city which he's already seen plenty of, so she takes him out to the countryside (Iowa), to a little rental place right near the Kirk farm. Spock is 11 and lonely because Amanda is busy working on the universal translator a lot of the time so he wanders over to behind the property next to theirs, where a little stream is flowing. He finds little Jim Kirk crouched in the mud, armed with a book about ancient wooden sailing ships and a pile of sticks and string, trying to recreate one of the ships in miniature so he can sail it down the creek. His little ship keeps collapsing so Spock comes over and without a word glances over the book then starts to help him. They work in silence for over an hour and then set their little ship to sail , and it floats. They watch until it's out of sight and then Jiim scratches his forehead, gets mud all over his face, and introduces himself. Spock tries to teach Jim the Vulcan salute, successfully. Then he tries to teach Jim how to say his last name, unsuccessfully. It turns out that Spock and Amanda’s neighbors, the Kirks, have two sons. Jim is 8, and lonely because his brother Sam just wants to hang out with and impress girls all the time now. Spock comes over to Jim's house every day, except for the days when Jim comes to his. Jim shows Spock all his books. He's interested in a new topic every week, and the week after ships it's the ancient Earth period known as ‘the old west.’ He tells Spock how brave the sheriffs were for facing down gangs of outlaws all by themselves, his eyes glowing. They save everyone and make their towns safe. Jim wants to be that brave someday. It turns out he loves ancient Earth history. Spock shows Jim his own books on planets and space and science. He talks seriously about how much there is out in the universe to discover. Spock wants to know everything. He tells Jim about the specimens he's already collected at home on Vulcan. Jim takes Spock to the patch of flowers he is growing with his mother, Winona, and Spock tells him of Amanda's rose bushes, which he often helps tend. They get lost in the field of corn for an afternoon. Jim pulls a carrot out of the ground and grins broadly at Spock's surprise. They rinse it off and Spock eats it. Jim wrinkles his nose in response when he tries to offer him a bite. They sit together in Spock's room and he patiently tries to show Jim how to speak and write Vulcan. Jim is terrible at writing it (which gives Spock the shameful urge to smile; his mother has been practicing for years and still hasn't mastered it), but good at learning the spoken language. By the time Spock and his mother have to leave, he and Jim can have short conversations in Vulcan. The night before Spock and Amanda have to go back to San Francisco to rejoin Sarek, Jim spends the night at their house. He brings a sleeping bag for himself, and Sam’s old one for Spock, in case Spock wants to sleep in one, too. Amanda is familiar with the human custom of sleepovers, and when Jim suggests he and Spock sleep in the backyard and watch the stars, she smiles and agrees.

They stare up at the stars, and Spock tries to point out where Vulcan is. Jim tells Spock all about Starfleet, which both his parents served in. They retired when their sons were born, but they’ve told Jim all about the things they saw and did.

Jim is even more passionate and excited about space than he is about Earth’s history. He tells Spock all about the places Starfleet officers go and the things they do. He declares he’s going to join Starfleet someday, and be a captain, and sail the stars.

When they say goodbye the next day, Jim hands Spock one of the flowers he and his mother have cultivated, along with some seeds so that he and Amanda can plant them and grow their own when they return to Vulcan, if they wish. Spock thinks about Jim’s words about Starfleet as he and Amanda travel to the transport station.

Jim doesn’t know he’s planted a very different kind of seed, and won’t know for many years.

[ssiggss]

Obsessing over Arcane Order being friends™ with the Jim squad so I don't have to look in the general direction of the dumpsterfire that was rott's ending so please accept these slices of the Arcane Order interacting with their new tiny human friends and co:

-

Skrael: all I'm saying-

Toby: shut up Skrael you probably wipe back to front.

Skrael: I don't wipe at all.

Toby: .....

Skrael: I don't produce excrement, Toby.

Claire, barely containing tears: both of you shut up, I am begging.

-

Bellroc, lying on the backyard patio: are u guys done.

Jim, Steve and Toby holding sticks with marshmallows on the end: no.

-

Steve: so check this, I ride this moped up that ramp, then you do your icy magic thing and make a trail- trust me it'll be sick.

Skrael: the only thing 'sick' about this is your remarkable lack of self-preservation, Steve.

Skrael: .....I'm in.

-

·Also imagine Bellroc and Blinky just talking for hours on end about history bc Bellroc's literally been alive since the beginning of magic so they'd be able to fall in the blanks to all Blinky's theories.

·Skrael and Steve actually becoming friends and become the bestfriend duo that shares one braincell.

·Idk if the Order need sleep, but if they do or just do it recreationally, I refuse to believe they don't always sleep in cuddlepiles.

·Bellroc knocking on Barbara's bedroom window at 2 am because "I need to talk and you're the only one who can make a decent cup of tea."

"Bellroc, I'm flattered but I'm a human and I need sleep."

·Krel showing off his technical genius and feeling appreciated bc neither Skrael nor Bellroc have much experience with tech so 'omg wow look at that. Whats this thing do? Interesting. Whats this thing do?'

Also Krel's a major music nerd so he probably introduces them to modern music and at first they're like 'what is this noxious noise'

But then they find screamo and heavy metal and Arcadia knows no peace for weeks.

·Can you imagine Jim training with the Order. Can YOU IMAGINE.

"Y'know this is a lot more fun when you're not trying to kill me."

"Jim, please,"

·Also Jim just keeps collecting parental figures like 'you look, sound, and act nothing like the vague image I have of my father so I am adopting you.'

·Imagine being a villain trying to destroy this tiny boy in armor and you finally manage to get him on the ground- and then the literal earth starts vibrating and nearly 20 people of varied shapes and sizes post up on you for touching their son.

·Bellroc being forced to substitute as a teacher one day and what a wild ride that is.

·Skrael and Nari having fights over whose bestfriend is the best.

"Mine can literally create time corridoors and survive thousand foot drops."

"Yes well mine can survive childbirth."

"That is from the cursed timeline and doesn't count and you know it-"

·Varvatos Vex challenging Bellroc to a duel every week and winning half the time. Don't ask him abt it unless you don't enjoy having thumbs.

·Please,, give me Bellroc in an apron, baking cookies that were supposed to have smiley faces on them but they morphed horribly after being baked and now Jim and Toby can't eat them because they're laughing too hard.

·The squad showing the three disney movies, and watching Skrael lose his mind over the frozen movies.

"You don't understand we're KINDRED SPIRITS."

I just them to be happy,,, please,, I am so tired and am in desperate need of serotonin.

[sunflowerdigs]

So, I did a little sarcastic-y review from the salt mines for RNM 3x09. Warnings for excessive sodium content, Maribel mourning, a desire to recycle cardboard, and, of course, Malex opinions. Without further ado:

- Every time Michael smiles I forget for like 5 whole seconds how much I hate that Malex keeps me shackled to this show. Too cute that he brought Alex lunch (and probably hoped he could sneak a glimpse of him) and they're going on their first date (omg omg omg).❤❤❤❤❤

- Kyle should yell at people more. Starting with his garbage friends who left him in a barn without proper triage or jello cups while he was in a coma (why didn't they just keep him at DS if he's having appointments there anyway? Nevermind... ). Alas, he's starting his understandable rage tour with Uncle Edgelord, who, naturally, makes a dramatic statement and tries to leave. I am so glad Kyle called him on that.

- Delmanes would be cute if Greg didn't have the personality of cardboard. They've created a character who is actually only here to remind us of how special and amazing Maria is. Turns out that's not super interesting. And it's so painfully obvious that it's a pair-your-spares situation. I really wish they'd just give her Kyle, he has the patience of a saint. Anyway, Isobel's pigtails are cute af (rip my Isobel/Maria/Kyle heart - I would have taken Isobel interrupting Delmanes and Heather's post with pigtails today as signs if not for genetics).

- Anatsa and Isobel's development seems to have taken place completely off-screen, like everything else gay on this show, so I'm guessing it's gonna stick. Honestly...I guess this is controversial but Isobel and Maria have really good chemistry and a history. I know their bond is supposed to read "sibling" but it doesn't for me. And rather than waste time watching them flirt with these one-note (ah, Greg chimes in right on time with a convenient line any rando could have delivered) LIs, I'd much rather see them get closer. The whole related thing has thrown a wrench into it for me. That said, it's nice to watch a woman be encouraged to go after another woman. 🎉

- Alex the sci-fi/fantasy nerd figuring out immediately that the hallucination is his own subconscious is 100% legit. Much like Kyle not letting his uncle pull a classic tall-dark-and-broody exit, I appreciate Alex's 4th-wall break moment.

- Not Max and Liz proving that discussions about s2 drama can occur on Roswell New Mexico?! What? Must be a straight thing. Lucky them.

- Isobel is actually acting a lot like Sherlock Holmes when he's on a case, from the wardrobe to the focus, and it's hot. Also, totally believable that Isobel would be able to pull up that pod from under the ice because we know she's been training even if it didn't happen onscreen. Because she told us. Just a suggestion.

- I love the idea of Jim Valenti as a double-agent, but I don't see how Eduardo thought he could keep Kyle safe by never knowing him. It feels like there's a lot more here Eduardo isn't saying.

- It wasn't a sister-fight that Maria and Isobel had, but whatever (no one got physically shoved or brought up a horrifying memory from 100000 years ago to shove in someone's face in public - doesn't count).

- Also, why would you waste a glass by throwing it into the fireplace? Wouldn't it just explode back in your face? Man, the show is trying so hard with Maria and Greg, I want to give them some kind of romance-novel award for effort (but not success).

- Not Liz and Max showing us that it's possible to move forward by discussing your past mistakes like adults instead of pretending they didn't happen!? What? Must be a straight thing. Lucky them.

- Draw a line on the bottle? No way, Valenti, he obviously wants you to chuck that whole thing straight into the fire in a fit of passion to prove that his words had an emotional impact.

- Also, Kyle wins the prize for this episode for that speech to Uncle Edgelord. Everyone go home. When do I get a Kyle and Alex spin-off where they travel the world, defying sci-fi tropes and seducing beautiful men and women?

- Not Liz and Max talking loudly about aliens while breaking and entering! This one is actually very believable, I take it back.

- It was idiotic of Liz to trust Heath. And Echo keep having this same fight because MAX IS RIGHT BUT THE SHOW WON'T LET HIM BE. Which is so obnoxious. I would forgive Liz for almost any sin (like, idk, getting a better romantic storyline because she's straight) because she's gorgeous and smart and tough and I wanna go live with her and her mad scientist energy on a deserted island somewhere. But she's being real dumb rn.

- I love the t-shirt and if Vlambase doesn't sell one I will. But he couldn't have held up a radio and blasted some Barry White? I feel like that would have cleared everyone but Alex put of the building real fast. Also, what is time on Roswell NM? Was Alex just setting the alarm every so often for kicks? Does Eduardo really not check in on staff who are working with dangerous technology for days on end? Also, why is this entire plot happening over a single goddamn episode instead of two or more so that we can really feel Alex wasting away under the machine's influence? The reason this twist is at all surprising is also the entire plot's undoing - Alex's demeanor wasn't exactly one of a man obsessed (or an addict, tbh) in his last scene.

- Anyway, back to Rizzoli and Isles. I definitely am always super excited to hear the details of my sister's sex life. All the time. That is totally a sister thing except where it's really not. Do any of these writers actually have a sister? I feel like they must because the Michael/Max/Isobel sibling chemistry is always bang on but Maribel is just...flirty lady city. Oh, and look, the beard just showed up with coffee to cockblock - it really is R&I!

- Back to Alex's plot line, which, much like Isobel's coffee, is Express To-Go. He's become haggard and worn in the time it's taken Michael's mom to find a cute sweater in the void. Seriously, we wasted like 3 whole episodes where Alex was presumably sitting in DS twiddling his thumbs and now he's being worn down by the machine in a single episode? Why didn't this plot start back in episode 3 or 4? Like...look, I don't come on here to be an asshole. But I just really hope they're taking note of what worked this season and what didn't because HOLY PACING FIASCO BATMAN. Just because you're giving us Malex doesn't mean everything else can just be hot garbage (not the acting, Taylor's doing his best to sell this). Also, when did Alex put his leg back on? I have so many questions but they aren't the good kind, so Michael better ride in soon and save this mess.

- Regarding what Nora is saying, it's fine, it makes sense but the zero build up makes it completely ineffective. Alex is afraid he doesn't love enough - it would have been nice to see that over several episodes instead of just being told in a burst of sudden exposition but, you know. Nice straight things we can't have, I guess.

- If Michael and Alex want their relationship to "purr" they could, idk, talk through their past misunderstandings like people in relationships do. Or the show could keep throwing exposition bombs at them, idek.

- Are those empty toilet paper rolls inside the machine? I knew the CW was budget but come on...

- And we finally get the Heath connection and it's to our brand new trope-y character, Wise Old Black Man Dallas. It's surprising but only because the 4th alien didn't exist before this episode. So, good job.

Overall, not the worst episode of RNM ever. I only wondered why I watch this show maybe 3 times this episode. And Michael's enthusiasm for Alex was adorable.

[shirtlesssammy]

2x09: Croatoan

Then:

Sam Winchester, Supernatural’s resident Clyde Bruckman

Now:

Sam has a vision of Dean in a room with a bunch of strangers. One man is tied to a chair and Dean has his gun trained on him. The man pleads that it’s not in him. He begs the doctor to tell Dean that. She can’t tell. Dean has to do his job --and we see him shoot. 

In reality, Dean’s just getting back from a Slim Jim and beer run. 

The brothers head out to the town that Sam saw in his vision. Once there, Sam notices a man that was in his vision. They approach him and pose as Federal Marshals. They ask about the other man in Sam’s vision. Dean sees a tattoo on the man’s arm and appeals to the fact that he was in the Marines. He tells the brothers where Duane lives. 

On their walk to Duane’s, Sam notices the word CROATOAN carved into a telephone pole. 

Then the history nerd Sam decides it’s his right to lecture Dean on not knowing what this word is. Dean was too busy saving the world to pay attention in history class, Sam. Get off your high horse. Also, SAM, they weren’t wiped out “overnight”, and in fact probably just integrated into local native communities. Okay, I’ll get off my own high horse now, lol. 

They decide to contact Bobby or Ellen for help, but their phones don’t get a signal and the conveniently placed pay phone doesn’t work. 

They head to Duane’s house. His brother greets them at the door and tells them he’s on a fishing trip. His dad then shows up at the door and lets them know he doesn't know when Duane will be back. They ask about the mother, but she’s out getting groceries. It’s clear then that the family is lying. 

It turns out, the mom is tied up in the kitchen. 

Sam and Dean bust in just as the son is dripping blood onto the mother. The dad charges them and Dean takes him out. The son busts through the kitchen window and runs away before Sam gets a clear shot. 

They head back to town with the mom and take her to the local clinic. Dean brings in the father, lol. The doctor patches up the mother, Beverly, while she tells her story. “One minute they were my husband and son, and the next they had the devil in them.” 

Dean and Sam wonder if it’s a mass possession. The doctor comes in and wants to know what happened --they just killed her next door neighbor. Since the phones are down, Dean decides to head to the next town for help. 

On the road, he finds a stalled car with a bullet hole in the windshield. The car is abandoned --with an empty baby seat, blood everywhere, and a knife outside the driver’s door. 

At the clinic, the doctor determines that the dead guy was fighting off a viral infection. She also notes a weird red residue like sulfur. 

Dean keeps driving and comes across a roadblock of people with guns. Totally COOL. A man surprised Dean at his door and asks him to step outside. Dean hits the gas pedal in reverse. Guns start firing. Dean drags the dude and does a 180 --getting out of there in time. 

The doctor tells Beverly about the virus and asks if she had contact with their blood. (I mean, just that LITTLE blood ritual they were doing before Sam and Dean popped in.) The doctor asks to take a blood sample. Beverly seems to acquiesce, and then goes full roid rage. 

Sam knocks her out with a gas canister. 

As Dean pulls back into town, the man they talked to earlier jumps out with a gun. Dean and him have a small standoff --each wondering if the other one is “one of ‘em?” The town is going crazy though. Dean suggests heading over the the clinic since there’s no way out of town. The man doesn't believe Dean but then decides to get in the car. Dean drives to the clinic with them both pointing their gun at the other. 

At the clinic, Pam, the nurse, wants to leave to check on her boyfriend. Sam convinces her that it’s safer in the clinic. It’s then that Dean and the Sarge show up. Dean and Sam discuss the virus --demonic virus. Sam read in their dad’s journal that John thought that Croatoan was a name of a demon. They have to warn people. 

They learn that Beverly is infected and, to Doctor Lee’s and Pam’s horror, Dean and the Sarge immediately announce their intention to kill her. But before they go to that drastic step, Sam interrogates Doctor Lee and asks her if she has a cure yet. The doctor gives Sam a PLEASE SHUT UP look because no, she DOESN’T have a cure for a brand new virus that she’s just discovered with her - checks notes - standard wellness clinic equipment. Long story short, the mom dies bloody.

Later, shadowy figures lurk outside the clinic. Inside, the Winchesters merrily prepare for war as Pam gets twitchy and drops infected blood samples. They decide to fight their way out of town, past the blockades. Sam “Don’t Look at my Browser History” Winchester’s eyes light on some chemicals in the office. It’s time to make some bombs.

Suddenly, someone pounds on the clinic door begging for help. It’s Duane, otherwise known as the man from Sam’s vision! He tells them he just got back from the fishing trip from hell, and he’d sure like to know where his parents are. UH....one of them is dead in the closet next to you? The doctor examines him and finds a wound on him. They tie him up while Doctor Lee drops a virus update. It takes three hours for the virus to incubate before sulfur starts cropping up in the bloodstream. She can’t test for the virus until it’s too late...and he goes full rage zombie on everyone.

Sam pulls Dean aside and begs him to wait to kill Duane. Dean’s against this plan, and Sam accuses him of acting out of character. LORD SAM if I had a nickel for every time that happened on this show! Dean immediately takes umbrage with...everything...and flees the conversation.  He also locks Sam in a room so he can pull off his execution uninterrupted. Dean BBY no.

Duane tearfully begs for his life while Dean confronts the monster within himself - and aims the gun.

“I got no choice,” Dean says while Duane weeps, and I weep for different reasons. Dean’s hand shakes. His lip trembles. Dean drops the gun with a curse.

Later, he unwinds while making bombs with Sam. The doctor announces that over four hours have passed, and Duane’s blood is still unsulfured. They decide to untie him. Sam asks why Dean decided to spare his life. Dean deflects because...of course, and Sam heads off for more supplies.

Pam locks Sam in a room with her and almost immediately shrieks and attacks him. She cuts Sam and slices her own palm, pressing into Sam’s wound. Right after that, Dean breaks the door down and shoots her. They wrap their heads around the fact that Pam bled on Sam.

While the extremely harried Doctor examines Sam, the others hold an intense standoff in front of Sam. Dean will kill anyone and everyone to PROTECT his brother, but the others advocate for immediate action. Sam tells Dean to hand a gun over to him and he’ll take himself out! And he doesn’t mean take himself out to a nice dinner and movie! GUH. Winchesters. 

Dean throws his car keys - BABY’S CAR KEYS - to the others and tells them to get the hell out of town. He plans to stay behind and watch over his brother for it is his SOLEMN SWORN DUTY.

Sam begs Dean to hand him a gun and get to safety. And that’s sad, sure. That’s tragic. But when Sam urges Dean to “keep going” Dean looks away. “Who says I want to?” he gets out.  Excuse me, I’m just going to fling myself off a cliff. 

“I’m tired, Sam. I’m tired of this job. This life. This weight on my shoulders.” Dean confesses that it’s not all about their dad’s death either… He was feeling this before their dad died. But JUST BEFORE we get to the core of Dean Winchester, the doctor knocks and tells them to head outside.

The town is utterly silent, everyone gone. The camera super-zooms in on the carved “CROATOAN” on the light pole. Dun dun DUN, etcetera. Why yes, Robert Singer DID direct this episode!

More time passes, and the doctor examines Sam’s blood sample again. His blood is still clean hours later. Sam’s baffled because he for really real knows he got Pam’s blood in his wound. SAM, YER A WIZARD! The doctor looks at the other contaminated samples for comparison and discovers that they’re entirely clean. 

In the morning, the doctor bids everyone farewell. She gives Sam a clean bill of health. Sam is predictably still puppy-dog-eyed baffled over it, but he and Dean head out regardless. Duane and Sarge blow town together. 

For Pretty Car Science:

Later, Duane asks to pull over. “I gotta make a call,” he says before rapidly slicing Sarge’s throat and filling a chalice with blood. He tells the cup that the testing is over. The “Winchester boy is definitely immune, as expected.” His eyes turn demon-black.

Elsewhere, Sam and Dean take in a nature stroll as delicate music plays. 

For Winchesters Enjoying Nature Science:

They moodily swig beer. Sam asks Dean to explain his woeful feelings from earlier. “We oughtta...go to the Grand Canyon,” Dean proposes, COMPLETELY failing to be honest about his feelings. He’d like a break from hunting. When Sam digs further, Dean finally spills. Before their dad died, he told Dean something about Sam. John Winchester, father of the year, told Dean he might have to………..

And we cut to black. I’m sure it was something nice, though, like buy Sam an ice cream cake!

Quotatoan:

That's not school, that's Schoolhouse Rock

Well, you are a handsome devil, but I don't swing that way >.>

You've got a neighbor named Mr. Rogers?

Night of the Living Dead didn't exactly end pretty

We're supposed to struggle with this. That's the whole point

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[kinetic-elaboration]

June 25: 2x24 The Ultimate Computer

Belated notes on my watch of The Ultimate Computer yesterday.

Kirk’s definitely in Captain Mode today. You can tell when he’s on edge and suspicious and serious.

Yet another old Kirk friend. Does he know everyone in Starfleet?

War games lol. But it’s “not the military.”

Spock is super into this computer.

A-7 Computer Expert Certification.

The crew’s not needed? Wow, okay, this is going to end badly.

“This gadget.” How do you really feel, Kirk?

And there’s Spock literally making faces behind the Commodore’s back. He is soooo that type. He’s like “Jim, are you hearing this? Can you believe this guy?”

I’m insulted on Kirk’s behalf right now. Replacing people with machines so blithely is offensive.

Of course Bones doesn’t like it.

Oh yeah triumvirate walking scene. I love them. it takes so little for me to think ‘what badasses.’ S2 is really stepping up this dynamic in particular.

And Spock is comfortable enough around Bones to be sassy around him

Oh no, the computer is already glitching, and there is no backup and no plan B.... Bones is completely right in his assessment. This is essentially a Titanic situation: way too much hubris involved. Nothing can go wrong so nothing will go wrong so we’ve planned for nothing going wrong!

McCoy has BFF Clearance. He can go wherever he wants.

“It’s the M-5? What happened to Ms 1-4?” Channel #5.

Ahhhh little gratuitous touch to Spock’s arm. They’re In Love.

“There are certain things men must do to remain men.”

“The right computer finally came along.” Damn Bones.

Jim’s suspicions about the computer coming right after that line make it look like he’s jealous that Spock likes it so much.

He’s getting a “red alert right here.” Computers don’t have that kind of intuition.

Jim’s so thoughtful and self-aware. He really cares both about his instincts and about interrogating those instincts for bias and unreasonableness. This is giving me real S1 vibes: the quiet, intelligent, idealized hero Captain at the fore.

This whole scene is perfect, eminently quotable, and sounds exactly like something that could have been written about automation in 2021. You’re okay with it when it’s happening to someone else but then the computer comes for YOUR job....

Uh-h, M-5 is turning off all the lights...

Space merchant marines... good to know.

HOW are the Captain and CMO “non-essential personnel”? The first sign that M-5 is illogical. They should bring some doctor on the landing party mission given that uh humans are going on it and might get injured.

Anyway I can’t wait for Kirk to destroy this bitch and save the day.

Lol it turned off the lights on Bones in sickbay.

Damn, now it’s trying to take Uhura’s job too!

Chekov is so bored.

Spock wants to serve under one man and one man ONLY. Loyalty to one man... sounds like a wedding vow... and Kirk looks so soft...

So, if Spock has to describe to McCoy what that (unnecessary bitchy and catty) “Captain Dunsel” remark means, by saying that it’s a phrase that “midshipmen use at Starfleet Academy,” is this to imply Bones didn’t go to Starfleet Academy?

He’s never felt so at odds with the ship.... a lover’s quarrel...she’s cheating on him with another man...

Jim Kirk, certified Poetry Nerd. He’s such a romantic.

So glad Bones got him a drink so he can return to the bridge and a possible emergency with just a little bit of a buzz going.

Spock in the chair...

Huh, an automated ship with no crew. Interesting concept.

Oh no M-5! She’s got control of the ship and she won’t let go!

Kirk’s face when Enterprise attacks.. the betrayal... his beautiful lady used for mindless destruction.

“Only a robot” ship--! Bones is insulted.

Kirk orders the computer turned off but we’re only halfway through the ep so...

....And the computer is sentient now.

That was the shortest Captain’s Log ever. “The computer has taken over the ship the end.”

Scotty’s like, “...Well what if we just unplug it?”

Okay so now they only have 19 crew.

Spock and Bones are on point today. “Don’t say it’s fascinating.” / “I won’t. But it is... interesting.” This bitch knows exactly what he’s doing.

The computer isn’t a child, guys!

We need powerful computers “so men don’t have to die in space”--like uh that man your computer literally just killed?

I don’t get Daystrom’s logic at all. He talks as if people, like, needed to do work in space, to survive or something. We don’t need to. We want to! We want to go out and meet cool aliens! This guy is no fun.

What is the thing “greater” than fact finding in space that the robots are going to free us to do? Like what is more impressive than SPACE? I don’t even get that.

Time to mix up fake sci fi world-building references with real references! The Nobel and Zee-Magnee Prizes. Sitar of Vulcan.

A theory emerges... the computer acts illogically...Daystrom won’t let Spock near it... I know this isn’t where this is going, but it kind of sounds like they’re implying it’s a scam, lol. He sold an idea he didn’t have so it’s like.. not a real computer.

Spock’s little protege, Chekov.

“We have been pursuing a wild goose.” Aw, bb’s trying so hard to be colloquial. (Also he 100% learned that phrase from McCoy in The Gamesters of Triskellion and now he’s trying it out on Kirk...when McCoy isn’t around.)

“Not to offend you by using the h-word, but... could it be... human?”

Kirk’s really mad at Daystrom now.

The Commodore really set up that dramatic turn to camera there.

Poor Kirk. His ship is being used for evil.

“They can’t destroy the ship, what would happen to the computer?!” Yes, the computer. And the other 19 people and himself but mostly the computer. Daystrom really has lost it.

I love the actor who plays him, though.

“You are great. I am great.” Nothing weird happening here.

Spirk attack! (Spork it out.)

Spock’s way too sure Commodore Wesley is about to die. “He was decent, it’s a shame the ship I’m on is gonna kill him.”

And now another round of Kirk versus the computer and Kirk’s logic wins.

M-5 should argue that it did not commit murder, it committed homicide in self-defense. But then Daystrom didn’t program it with a lawyer’s brain.

It’s uh just gonna leave? Not turn the lights back on?

Kirk is so smart! I know I say this all the time, but it’s true! He knew what to do to save the ship because he knew Bob Wesley. He had formed connections, he had experience and knowledge that doesn’t come from logic. He is not replaceable!

McCoy’s like “Spock, fight me. Debate me Spock. Fight me. I’ll be fun.”

Spock HAS answered the computers versus humans question--he likes humans. He wants to be surrounded by humans.

That was really good! One of the better S2 episodes. Great Kirk, great triumvirate--as a trio and all three sides of the triangle--great sci fi concept, great guest star, great social commentary--still 100% relevant today.

i definitely have to think more about the ‘human computer’ concept. I liked that they specifically went out of their way to explain why the computer was human, how that was part of its design, and then tied that into its creator, his background, his belief system, and his insecurities. I feel like most ‘sentient computer’ or ‘advanced AI’ narratives just assume a computer that’s powerful enough will eventually be alive, which is not something I believe. The scariness of advanced AI to me is the incredible power it has to act quickly, but in a complete black-box way: you can’t literally see the logic string of its thought processes, and nor can you figure them out easily or completely using the creators’ intentions or logic because the machine has ‘learned’ since its inception, and its learning processes are not human. There is a real alienness to them that I find scary. And I do think this ep captured that nuance in M-5: it has the speed and abilities of a super computer, the “human” qualities of its creator for well-explained reasons, and the unpredictability of a mechanism that is NEITHER human nor human-controlled tool. And of course the ep’s ultimate thesis--that humans cannot be completely automated or replaced, and that we should not want to automate or replace humans--is comforting and of a morality I can and want to agree with.

This was also one of those eps that made me curious about the differences in AOS and TOS Kirk--in other words, an ep that relied on his history with Starfleet and his experience, on the reality that he’s a 34 year old man with 15+years of experience in the Fleet. Time, experience, connections, these aren’t things you can replace no matter how smart you are, and I feel like it would have been interesting to see AOS!Kirk deal with some situation that is trickier for him because he’s a Captain with a startlingly small amount of institutional experience. It’s not just about being young or generally inexperienced, in other words--it’s about NOT knowing every Captain, Admiral, and Commodore in the service, it’s about NOT having friends across the galaxy because he just hasn’t had time to make them. Even in deep space, that matters. And I think it’s something that I appreciate more as an adult myself, with actual real world experience of the importance of connections and experience and time, especially in sort of insular or smaller work communities.

Anyway, next is Bread and Circuses! Another great ep for the triumvirate. I can’t believe we’re almost through S2!!

[remus-sanders-is-the-bestest]

I’m William the conqueror! My enemies stood no chance. They call me the first English king although I come from France.

1066, the Doomsday book I gave to history

So fat on death my body burst, but enough about me.

To help remember all your kings I’ve come up with this song

A simple rhyming ditty for you all to sing along… Oh!

William!

(Bit short init? We need more kings. Who came next?)

William Second, cheeks were red; killed out hunting, so it’s said.

I took over, Henry One - That’s my next eldest son.

​

Then King Stephen, it’s true check it.

Hi, Henry Two, killed Thomas Beckett.

Richard Lionheart, that’s right, always spoiling for a fight.

Oh King John, what a disaster - rule restrained by Magna Carta.

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John - oi!

Time for my mate, King Henry Eight

To take up this song.

Henry Three built the abbey, Ed One hated Scots.

A red hot poker killed Ed Two, that must have hurt him lots.

Edward Third was a chivalry nerd, began the hundred years war.

​

Then Richard Two was king aged ten, then Henry, yes one more.

King Henry Four, plots galore, not least from Henry Five, moi!

I killed ten score at Agincourt then Henry Six arrived. (waah!)

Edward Four, Edward Five, Richard the Third (he’s bad).

‘Cos he fought wars with Henry Seven, first Tudor and my dad.

So Henry Eight, I was great; six wives, two were beheaded.

Edward the Sixth came next but he died young and so my dreaded

Daughter Mary ruled, so scary, then along came - me!

I’m Liz the First, I had no kids so Tudors RIP.

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John - oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

That’s me, time for more men.

James Six of Scotland next, as English James the First he led.

Then Stuarts ruled, so Charles the First, the one who lost his head.

No monarchy until came me, Charles Two, I liked to party.

King Jimmy Two was scary, ooh, then Mary was a smarty.

She ruled with Bill, their shoes were filled by sourpuss Queen Anne Gloria

And so from then you were ruled by men - Till along came me Victoria!

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

Still to come, it’s Queen Victoria!

And so began the Hanover gang, George One and George Two - grim

Then George the Third was quite absurd - Till I replaced old him.

King George the Fourth, and known henceforth, was angry, fat and cross - Hang on!

It’s true you beat Napoleon, but were mostly a dead loss - Bang on.

Old William Four was a sailor - Ahoy - It’s nearly the end of the story-a

As onto the scene comes the best loved queen; hail to Queen Victoria!

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

George, George, George, George

Will, Victoria (…Victoria…Victoria…Victoria…)

(I ruled for 64 years, you know.)

Ed Seven, George Five, Ed Eight, George six,

Liz Two then reigned - and how!

And so our famous monarch song

Is brought right up to now, ooooh…

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich Two

Then three more Henry's join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the Third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary One, Good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

George, George, George, George

Will, Victoria

Edward, George, Edward, George Six

And Queen Liz Two completes the mix!

That’s all the English Kings and Queens

Since William first that there have been!

[asilentguardian]

My Thoughts on Gotham

My mom and I finished watching Gotham on December 29th, and this analysis has been sitting in google docs since then. Some of this is a bit incoherent, some of it I wrote as I was watching, and some of it I wrote after finishing the entire show. So here it is. 2,000 words or so of rambling about Gotham. 

My thoughts on the show as a whole: Gotham changed my opinion on a lot of Batman’s villains. I used to be indifferent towards Penguin, now I love him. I used to hate Firefly, now I love her. While there were one or two decisions that I disagreed with, the portrayal of these characters was satisfying and the tone of the show as a whole was refreshing. The writing was good for the most part, however there are issues with sexism and homophobia that I personally noticed.

And now I’m going season by season cause I’m a nerd.

Season One

Season one is a bit of a mixed bag for me. It seemed to me that the show writers and the younger actors were still trying to find their footing and decide what kind of world their Gotham was. Some episodes are slow, but overall it’s intriguing and I was invested after a couple of episodes.

The pilot has a lot of moving parts and it still works. They did a good job of intertwining all of these characters before starting them all on their own paths.

I can’t imagine anyone else playing these roles. I am really happy with the casting choices for this show. Jim Gordon, Harvey Bullock, and Bruce Wayne especially.

Fish Mooney is an interesting but welcome edition! To be honest, the first time my mom and I tried to watch Gotham, we hated her. The second time around, however, I LOVED her and her role in the rise of Penguin.

Having Edward Nygma start at the GCPD was a really cool idea! I think they executed his descent into madness perfectly. I wanted Ed to prevail and to be a goodman just as much as I wanted to see the Riddler emerge.

Speaking of the GCPD, the corruption and the conflict within the precinct is very believable and compelling. It’s easy to believe that Jim Gordon is a young and optimistic detective who believes wholeheartedly in doing good. I also appreciate the fact that Jim Gordon doesn’t lose that drive for good throughout the show. I also don’t find it too cheesy, even if it’s a common trope.

The Batman universe is huge so I was expecting references and easter eggs at every turn, and I was half right. There's plenty of references and cameos but they work and they aren’t essential to the plot which helps casual fans keep up with the story.

A lot of seeds are planted during this first season, and it’s rewarding to see them pay off. I don’t feel as if the first season suffers from the thing that a lot of movies do where they are clearly trailers for the next part in the franchise. 

I think my favorite episode of this season is episode 20 “Under the Knife.” The stakes are high and the story line with the Ogre is definitely unexpected and horrifying but in the best way. Also Ed kills Dougherty and it’s very satisfying.

Season Two

Rise/Wrath of the Villains!

Theo Galavan and Hugo Strange were the big bads of this season and I think they were written and acted very well.

Something I’ve noticed about some of the villains on this show and their interactions with children and Bruce in particular is that they’re... unsettling. I suppose that’s intentional and I definitely think it makes some of the villains more intimidating, but it’s really creepy. There are a lot of adults that are preying on Bruce’s innocence in this show. 

Theo Galavan was not my favorite. He was intimidating for a bit, but I kinda grew bored of him. I did enjoy the nod to Azrael. 

Hugo Strange! I was kinda indifferent to him when playing Arkham City but I enjoy him in this show! Loved when he showed up again in subsequent seasons and you immediately knew some Fucked Shit was happening.

So Mr. Freeze. I’m not too sure how I feel about Gotham’s take on this story. The casting is solid, but killing Nora? Not the move. Actually very angry about that to be honest. The Mr. Freeze episode could’ve been so much more compelling and emotional but instead it was a way to move Lee and Jim’s relationship forward :(

They managed to make Firefly not annoying, but I only found Firefly annoying before because of that stupid boss fight in Arkham Origins. But I liked Bridget.

Penguin and Nygma’s relationship is very fun in this season! More on them later, but at least in season two it’s very enjoyable to watch them learn to trust each other. My mom and I adored their story line.

I LOVE Nygma’s character arc in this season. His interactions with Gordon are some of my favorite bits from this season. They are very rewatchable and I find their relationship to be one of the more intriguing ones in the show.

Overall season 2 was decent. Some of the villains were forgettable, but the relationship arcs and character arcs that were compelling kept me interested.

Episode 15, Mad Grey Dawn, was one of my favorites this season. Seeing the Nygma v Gordon thing play out was so so so fun. I really loved being able to follow Nygma’s logic and feel Gordon’s frustration at being framed.

Season Three

Mad City/Heroes Rise!

There’s A LOT I have to say about season 3. I liked it. There’s a couple of big issues I have with season 3, but overall it was compelling and I enjoyed it.

While I’m not usually one for the “this character has a darkness inside of them” trope, I really didn’t mind it with Gordon. I thought it was believable and interesting enough to be engaging. bounty hunter Gordon was pretty fun, too. And hot. Anyway.

The Mad Hatter v Jim Gordon stuff is intense. Episode 6 where Gordon is forced to choose between Valerie and Lee is where the “dark side” trope lost me a little but I do like that they make a point to have Gordon always make his way back to the light. Valerie’s exit felt very rushed and sudden? I don’t know if the actress was written off for some reason, but it felt very weird.

So. Penguin and Nygma. I don’t know if I would necessarily call it queer-baiting, but it definitely doesn’t sit right with me. Here’s the thing about Gotham’s queer representation: it’s not good, but it’s not bad. There is 100% an issue with making all of your queer characters villains. And there’s a HUGE issue with having Barbara’s attraction to women only be present when she’s a) acting as an antagonist to Gordon’s work at the GCPD (Montoya in season one) or b) on the side of the antagonist and framed as crazy (Tabitha in season two). Also, notice how in season five she’s “sane” when she’s with Gordon. It’s homophobia luv.

However, in the case of Penguin and Nygma, the added layer of Penguin’s love for Nygma makes their arc a little more interesting and compelling (there’s still an issue with queer love being framed as toxic and obsessive in this show, but if I don’t stop talking about that this post will be miles long).

The Ivy thing is certainly a new plot device, but I don’t hate it. Took a bit to get used to, but older Ivy makes sense and to be honest, I wasn’t a huge fan of child Ivy. Not that her character was bad, but I personally found her a tad annoying.

SEASON 3 EPISODE 14. THE GENTLE ART OF MAKING ENEMIES. I HAVE A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THIS. Bruce’s character development in this episode made me extremely happy. I haven’t talked a lot about Jerome-Joker yet, but I really like him. Joker is one of those characters you can take a lot of liberties with and it can either really work or really suck (looking at you Jared Leto). Gotham’s version of Joker, while a bit rushed, is a good fucking Joker.

The reason why I like s3e14 so much is THIS is what the Joker vs Batman relationship is about. This is why they are perfect foils. Batman always has a reason, a method. Motivation and a cause. He believes in Gotham and he believes that EVERYONE has the capacity for good. Joker does things just for the hell of it (i.e. kidnapping Bruce). His point is anarchy and chaos. His point is that everyone has darkness and that they are “one bad day” away from giving into that darkness (subtle nods to The Killing Joke, very nice). This is illustrated SO beautifully in this episode. However, I do see an issue down the line of Joker knowing who Batman is instantly, but I digress.

The birth of Riddler! The development of Penguin and Riddler’s animosity! mwah!

Also. Bruce standing above Gotham in an early version of the suit. There’s no ears or cape but my mom and I were VERY excited. I felt so giddy.

Bruce’s vow not to kill was beautifully framed, props to the DP on that one. It felt nice to hear a live action version of Bruce Wayne say that. (Note from the future: yes he breaks it. Sorta. I’m mad about it, but I explain my feelings in depth later).

Season Four

A Dark Knight!

Alright. Season 4. To be honest, it took me a while to warm up to this one.

Scarecrow. Love his costume. Love his escape. Scarecrow is one of my favorites because he’s creepy and cool and terrifying. Well done. The episode where Jim goes after him is really brutal. He goes there alone, not even Harvey by his side, and he is forced to stare his biggest fear in the face. I loved it!

The Pax Penguina. I’m easily won over by references to old literature and history. This show has made me actually like Penguin. I used to find him annoying and didn’t understand why he was people’s favorite, but this show has proved him to be a competent and cunning villain. I love to hate him. It’s fun seeing him at the top of Gotham.

Riddler’s escape and Nygma’s return. His friendship with Lee and Grundy (Grundy!!). Ed and Lee was certainly an interesting choice. I didn’t hate it, it just seemed really odd. I enjoyed Lee’s rise to power though! 

Sofia Falcone. Not really a fan tbh. Didn’t trust her from the start and it was SO satisfying to see her get shot in the head. Talk about a ruthless mastermind. To be fair, I did love to hate her in the beginning, but then she kinda got on my nerves? The actress that played her was really good though!

Captain James Gordon. Yessir. What a legend. One step closer to Commissioner. But also ouchie he had to go behind Harvey’s back. That subplot hurt so good.

Professor Pyg is. A lot. Gotham is a mature show, but it’s hard to like Pyg even as a villain. He’s unsettling and his episodes are a bit too much. I tolerated him but it just got to be gratuitous. I will say that I am relieved that they weren’t heavy handed on the cross-dressing thing. Would prefer not to see that played for a joke anymore, and this show does not need to vilify queerness more than it has.

Jerome and Jeremiah! ahhhhh!!! What wonderful interpretations of the Joker! Jerome was great, but I think I’m partial to Jeremiah. Maybe because his costume looks so much like the Joker from the animated series and Mark Hamill will always be my Joker. Either way, I LOVED their story line in season 4.

Kinda love Barbara being involved in the League. Very sexy of her. Also very sexy of her to not be dead. 

Alright. Here we go. Ra’s Al Ghul and Bruce Wayne. I have mixed feelings about this. So Bruce kills. Technically he’s not Batman yet, and obviously Ra’s didn’t stay dead, but he already took the oath. I have a hard time staying with any adaptation that makes their Batman a killer, but this one wasn’t awful? And then technically Barbara uses Bruce’s hands to kill Ra’s in the finale. I’m upset that they went with a “what if Batman kills” story line in the first place, but the resolution wasn’t too terrible.

Those last three episodes of season 4. Wow. My mom and I couldn’t stop watching. The nods to The Killing Joke were cool but not too on the nose. The stakes felt high and I was so deeply invested because this story line in particular was very well crafted and planned out and it definitely shows. There’s so many loose ends at this finale, and somehow it works and you still have hope. But holy shit, those bridges coming down, the utter panic and confusion as you’re wondering “is X person okay? what happened to X?” wonderful, chefs kiss.

Season Five

Legend of the Dark Knight!

Oh gosh. I have so much I want to say, but I don’t know how to put it into words. I loved this season. I loved the post apocalyptic vibes of Gotham. Loved the rise of the villains into the people who will one day face Batman. Loved Gordon’s leadership and rise to Commissioner. There’s a few things I have issues with this season, but I’m just so in love with that finale. What a beautiful send off.

I loved how the finale was crafted, how we didn’t see the full Batman suit till the end. I did, in fact, cry when that thing was revealed. The score was beautiful. It felt so much like an episode of The Animated Series, yet so unlike any other piece of Batman media. It was so refreshing to have everything wrapped up nicely, so refreshing to have hope and satisfaction in a finale.

Overall, this version of Gotham City feels like a living, breathing thing that is lived in and flawed. It is wonderful. The set designers did wonderfully and it feels so timeless in the way that the Animated Series did as well. I think that’s part of the reason why I loved this show so much. It made me feel the same way that the Animated Series did.

I know I’ve missed a lot of details and plot lines, so if for some reason you are interested in my thoughts on a particular thing in this show, my inbox is open!!

[feather-dancer]

Trollhunters Fanfic Recommendations

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8

One of the things I do to help me write is go on mad fanfic binges (Which being a fast reader, it takes a lot of chapters or giant chapters to slow me down) as I find them more stop start friendly than manhandling a book on my desk. When I run out and nothing new particularly grabs my eye at the time, have a general habit of rereading certain ones. So with Ghost!AU about to launch Saturday I figured I’d do a plug for a few favourites of mine!

~~~

General Trollhunters

Tea and Trust - Bonding time between knife dad and Jim’s blue troll dad, over tea

An Amorous Attack -  Draal does not understand this kissing thing, but he will certainly do his best to report what Strickler and Barbara Lake got up to

Star Student - Just why was Jim Lake Jr. the favourite in Strickler’s history class?

Adjustments - Jim may be a half Troll now and all the way out in New Jersey and as ever the Trollhunter but he would quite like to outrun his backlog of trauma, PTSD and general mess that is now his body if he can please

How To Fight A Shadow  - The Dictatious and Angor Rot team up you never knew you wanted in your life, Post Season 3

Warning Signs - Somethings wrong with Arcadia, it’s probably best to keep your head down if you’re just a regular civilian.

~~~

Stricklake

Cultic Epithets of the God Janus (disputed) - What if Strickler met Barbara much sooner and unintentionally becomes knife dad to a five year old Jim? The answer is glorious things

Terpsichore - The Comedy of the Danse Macabre - ACT I - So much fluff, terrible puns, intrigue, wonderful changeling OCs, the unexpected appearance of ABBA music plus a very long bitter road Strickler must follow if he wants to keep his head after Bular’s death and the hand of the lady he fell for

in my sleep i dreamed of waking - In Barbara’s dreams, she’s starting to remember but alas, the world of magic and trolls has been moving on without her and sooner or later it’ll clash again whether anybody likes it or not. Contains amazing mug puns

Slices of Life - I cannot describe this other than they are adorable NERDS

Blood And Roses - While an AU this is also Stricklake where the Pale Lady of Fae leads children astray and they’re never seen again. When Jim wanders into the woods, Barbara isn’t too far behind

~~~

Alternate Universes

Blue Moon Rising - The Jim we know and love was kidnapped at ten years old and five years later, a changeling boy called Atlas watches the final battle between Bular and Kanjigar and thus begins the snarky adventures of a little upstart forced to fight to keep his entire world from falling apart after Merlin throws a giant spanner in the works

Withhold - What if in Unbecoming Jim actually went out there and tried to stop everything before it started to get rolling? How much would change if he makes the decision to ensure Kanjigar did not die that morning?

If The World Was Upside-Down... - Humans went into hiding a long time ago and thought extinct as the trolls ruled topside, such things will not prevent a certain Jim Lake Jr. holding the Trollhunter mantle though but it might make life a bit more risky

Autoeponym - Surprise onset of changelingism from the point of view of a medical professional aka Barbara

Becoming The Mask - Jim is a Changeling, taking over from the real Jim Lake Jr. (Jay Jay) and growing up to live the life his familiar might have done while helping with Gunmar’s return. But along comes being chosen as the next Trollhunter, secrets everywhere, lying through your teeth and your fellow cohorts who are terrible terrible looters and will absolutely steal you stuff

Dreams of Drowning - Sometimes you kinda sorda accidentally acquire a large “psychic” girlfriend that’s held in a tank buried in the facility you work at who you met after you dreamed of while drowning in your sleep, as you do

~~~

Alternative Universes with added Oh no - Content warnings should be heeded

Erosion - So what if the kids we know and love had powers making them a perceived threat to society and thus get incarcerated by the Janus Order to help find a cure for their condition? Or at least, that’s what they claim

through the insidious night - But what if zombie trolls, Jim’s infected and he wants to help his still human best friend survive?

Bonus mention for this category:

This Time I Might Disappear - Miraculous Ladybug fic with a not all that stable Chat Blanc running around who has set his sights on Marinette in his pursuit for Ladybug. Adrien has also been missing these past 5 years...

[thebeastofblackmoor]

Nancy Drew Asks- Send me a Suspect!

Since it seems everyone is cooped up at home, I figured I’d make an ask game of my own to help the Clue Crew combat boredom... Send me a suspect and rb!

Daryl Gray: What kind of car do you drive? Connie Watson: Are you a part of any clubs? Hal Tanaka: Have you ever cheated in school? Hector “Hulk” Sanchez:  Do you play any sports? If so, which one(s)? Detective Beech: Do you keep a journal? What’s in it? Mitch Dillon: Have you ever blocked your number and if yes, why?

Mattie Jensen: Describe the plot of the last TV show you watched. Rick Arlen: What’s your favorite kind of chocolate? Lillian Weiss: What’s the worst way you’ve ever broken up with somebody? Millie Strathorn: Would you consider yourself cluttered or organized? Dwayne Powers: Do you hold a grudge? Ralph Guardino: What is your job?

Rose Green: Do you talk with your hands? Abby Sideris: What is your star sign? Louis Chandler: What’s the oldest thing you own? Charlie Murphy: How many different places have you lived?

Dexter Egan: Did you get in trouble a lot as a kid? Professor Hotchkiss: Early bird or night owl (hoot hoot)? Lisa Ostrum: Do you speak another language? Jacques Brunais: Would you rather have a big or small wedding?

Brady Armstrong: What was the worst job you ever worked? Simone Mueller: Has anyone ever climbed out of your wardrobe? Nicholas Falcone: Have you ever been to a protest? Joseph Hughes: If you had to move away to live with family in another state, who would it be and where?

Joanna Riggs: What’s your favorite exhibit at the museum? Henrik van der Hune: Are you attracted to Henrik? this is a serious question I know a lot of you are or at least used to be.. what was the deal with that.. Alejandro del Rio: What country are you from? Taylor Sinclair: Do you have a nickname?

Red Knott: What’s your favorite animal? Emily Griffin: If you owned a store, what would it sell? Jeff Akers: Do you have any pets?

Harlan Bishop: Have you ever gotten into trouble with the law? Ingrid Corey: If you suddenly got a lot of money, how would you spend it? Joy Trent: Do you consider yourself an optimist or a pessimist? Elliot Chen: If any, what kind of art do you do?

Katie Firestone: What is your favorite kind of sandwich? Holt Scotto: Political alignment? Andy Jason: Sharks or whales? Jenna Deblin: Starbucks or local coffee shop?

Dave Gregory: You got a steady back home? Tex Britten: Have you ever ridden a horse? Shorty Thurmond: Are you a good cook? Mary Yazzie: Have you ever had a secret relationship?

Linda Penvellyn: Are you married? Jane Penvellyn: Favorite mythological creature? Mrs. Drake: Do you have plants? Ethel Bossiny: What period in or piece of history fascinates you the most? Nigel Mookerjee: Do you scare easily?

Emily Crandall: When was the last time you stayed in your pajamas all day? Richard Topham: Have you ever seen a psychic? Jane Willoughby: What kind of accent do you have? Jim Archer: Are you good with money?

Lori Girard: Favorite celebrity? Charleena Purcell: What was the last book you read? Tino Balducci: Do you exaggerate stories?  John Grey: What’s the cheesiest TV show you watch?

Minette: Do you have any tattoos? JJ Ling: Most outrageous lie you’ve told? Heather McKay: Do you care about fashion? Dieter von Schwesterkrank: How many people have you dated? Jean-Michel Traquenard: Where do you do your best work?

Dr. Quigley Kim: Bugs: yay or nay? Big Island Mike: What’s your favorite meme? Pua Mapu: Have you ever been surfing? Malachi Craven: Do you take compliments well?

Ollie Randall: Have you ever been hunting? Freddie Randall: Do you like winter weather? Bill Kessler: Name a place from your childhood that holds a fond place in your heart. Yanni Volkstaia: Winter or summer sports? Lou Talbot: What did you major in or what would you like to major in, if applicable? Guadalupe Comillo: Did you have a “wolf phase” growing up?

Henry Bolet: Are you more goth, jock, nerd, or prep? Renee Amande: Do you have a secret stash of food in your room? Lamont Warrick: Do you have allergies? Gilbert Buford: Describe your best friend.

Margarita Fauberg: Do you prefer to spend time inside or outside? Helena Berg: What’s your favorite city in the world? Colin Baxter: Do you give a single shit about tesserae tiles?? Enrico Tazza: Favorite card game? Antonio Fango: Do you work in an office?

Kyler Mallory: Do you know much about your family history? Matt Simmons: Do you enjoy playing practical jokes? Kit Foley: Have you ever gotten into a physical fight? Donal Delaney: Favorite drink, alcoholic or otherwise? Fiona Malloy: What was your favorite toy as a kid?

Johnny Rolle: Favorite Halloween costume you’ve ever worn?

Corine Meyers: Did you get good grades in high school? Izzy Romero: Were you popular in high school? Mel Corbalis: Do you play an instrument? Rachel & Kim Hubbard: Do you have any siblings?

Scott Varnell: What are you really passionate about? Debbie Kircum: Are you a hard worker? Frosty Harlow: Do you like photography? Chase Relerford: Have you ever stolen from a store? Pa: Do you do any theater?

Yumi Shimizu: Would you consider yourself bossy? Miwako Shimizu: Are you timid or assertive? Takae Nagai: Do you have any traditions you honor? Rentaro Aihara: Are you technical-minded? I was gonna ask if you like puzzles but, um, this is the friggin clue crew

Karl Weschler: Are you a leader or a follower? Anja Mittelmeier: Have you or would you lie on your resume?  Lukas Mittelmeier: Do you like to cause trouble? Renate Stoller: Tell us the best story you’ve got.

Deirdre Shannon: Do you get jealous easily? Brenda Carlton: Are you just the fucking worst? (HINT: No, because you’re not Brenda) Toni Scallari: Do you talk about people behind their backs? Alexei Markovic: Do you break things often?

Abdullah Bakhoum: Do you have high self-confidence? Lily Crewe: Favorite board game? Dylan Carter: Are people inclined to believe you, even when you lie? Jamila El-Dine: Do you believe there are aliens on other planets?

Victor Lossett: Are you strict? Ryan Kilpatrick: What’s your favorite kind of candy? Mason Quinto: Do you consider yourself a logical thinker? Ellie York: What “percent scientist” are you? Gray Cortright: Would you work a night shift?

Clara Thornton: Tell us a story you haven’t told almost anyone. Apparently “have you ever accidentally gotten someone killed?” isn’t an appropriate question for tumblr dot com Wade Thornton: Do you believe in ghosts? Jessalyn Thornton: Do you think spending a night on a haunted island with your best friend sounds like fun? Harper Thornton: What’s your favorite book? Colton Birchfield: How would you get the attention of someone you liked?

Alec Fell: Are you especially witty? Moira Chisholm: Again, since “have you ever accidentally gotten someone killed?” isn’t gonna cut it, I’ll go with: What are your hobbies? Ewan Macleod: What piece of spy gadgetry would you pick if you got to take one home? Zoe Wolf: Do you like to break the rules?

Sonny Joon: Do you doodle? Patrick Dowsett: Are you a good swimmer? Leena Patel: How did you meet your best friend? Kiri Nind: Why did you dedicate your life to being on trashy TV? Do you watch reality TV?

Xenia Doukas: Which fictional character do you relate to on a personal level? Niobe Papadaki: Are you a good public speaker? Grigor Karakinos: If you had to make up a fake identity for yourself, what first and last name would you pick and why? Thanos Ganas:  Do you think you’re intimidating?

Elisabet Grimursdottir: Are you a cat or a dog person? Dagny Silva: What’s your sexuality? Soren Bergursson: If you were a villain, what would be your weapon of choice? Gunnar Tonnisson: What stands out about your physical appearance?

[shipsforeveryone]

XL Ship For Anon

Their Request - 

Hi! Can I request a ship for all of your fandoms. Males only please!

Oh and for the scenario - First Fight. For TVD?

I am a tall, curvy straight female with blonde hair and blue-green eyes.

I am introverted, intellectual, I have a bunch of interests and hobbies, which I tend to hyper fixate on. I am also a bit of a jack of all trades as I like to learn/teach myself how to do a wide variety of things.

I have a very idiosyncratic point of view, I'm bookish and very interested in history. I have a knack for accurately predicting the likelihood of the future. I tend to test people to see if I can trust them a lot but then I become a friend for life. Literally, a ride or die. I have hidden dimensions and intensity and they're hidden because I'm pretty withdrawn. Wanting to watch people from afar to see if I can even poke my head out of my shell around them.

I tend to act arrogant, cryptic, or cynical when afraid. I can be diplomatic and say things without saying them. I am defiant/rebellious towards authority and habitually find counterexamples to whatever others assert. Despite this attitude, I'm incredibly loyal, hardworking, ambitious, and very idealistic.

I struggle with ADHD, social anxiety, and paranoia. I can brood over injustices or entertain conspiracy theories. I am a bigger fan of sneaky vengeance over outright confrontation. I can be passive-aggressive and self-attacking. I love all animals though I never want to personally own a dog, due to how needy and loud they are. I'm more of a cat or reptile person.

I like to record my thoughts out loud and later organize them.

I'm also currently fighting the urge to delete this because I think I sound very full of myself in this lol

Pretty please and thank you! Also sorry this was so long.

My Response

No worries, babe! You don’t sound full of yourself at all. I love the fact that you didn’t beat around the bush about describing yourself!

Avatar: The Last Airbender 

OTP - Zuko. He would love your idiosyncratic point of view and how insightful you are. And would often come to your for advice.

BrOTP - Aang

NOTP - Sokka

Bright

OTP - Nick Jakoby

BrOTP - Tikka

NOTP - Daryl Ward

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

OTP - Rupert Giles. You have quite a bit in common, and you may even end up arguing the uses of technology while admiring books as much as he does.

BrOTP - Daniel “Oz” Osbourne

NOTP - Buffy Summers

Doctor Who

OTP - The 10th Doctor. He’d gently coax you out of your shell. And he’d take you anywhere in time or space that you want to go. If you don’t outright say where/when you would like to go then he’ll pick up on it by listening to your latest interests. 

BrOTP - Is it cheating to say the 12th Doctor? Oh well. I think you would be partners in crime all the way.

NOTP - Rose Tyler

Dragon Age

OTP - Solas. There’s so much in common and I think you’d probably be the best option to convince him to change his plans. 

BrOTP - Merrill.

NOTP - Cassandra.

Fast and Furious franchise

OTP - Tej Parker

BrOTP - Deckard Shaw

NOTP - Luke Hobbs

Game of Thrones

OTP - Tyrion Lannister. Tyrion would tease you to draw you out of your introverted shell. He'd be very interested in your hobbies, interests and your knack for predicting the future. He'd admire your wide skill set, loyalty, defiant attitude and how hardworking you are. He’d often suggest books to you and vice versa. 

BrOTP - Jon Snow

NOTP - Daenerys Targaryen

Golden Girls

OTP - Dorothy. 

BrOTP - Rose

NOTP - Sophia

Hannibal

OTP - Will Graham.

BrOTP - Alana Bloom.

NOTP -  Jack Crawford

Harry Potter

OTP - Severus Snape. Your mind, skill set and attitude would all appeal to him very much.

BrOTP - Luna Lovegood

NOTP - Ron Weasley

Inglourious Basterds

OTP - Hugo Stiglitz

BrOTP - Donny Donowitz

NOTP - Aldo Raine

John Wick

OTP - John Wick

BrOTP - Marcus

NOTP - Winston

Jurassic Park franchise

OTP - Dr. Ian Malcolm

BrOTP - Dr. Ellie Sattler

NOTP - Dr. Sarah Harding

Kingsman

OTP - Merlin

BrOTP - Harry Hart / Galahad

NOTP - Jack Daniels / Whiskey

Legend of Korra

OTP - Mako

BrOTP - Asami Sato

NOTP - Tahno

Marvel 

OTP - Bucky Barnes

BrOTP - Loki

NOTP - Natasha Romanoff

Mayans MC

OTP - Ezekiel “EZ” Reyes.

BrOTP - Johnny “Coco” Cruz

NOTP - Emily Thomas-Galindo

NCIS

OTP - Timothy McGee

BrOTP - Abby Sciuto

NOTP - Tony DiNozzo

New Girl

OTP - Nick Miller

BrOTP - Winston Saint-Marie Schmidt

NOTP - Julia Cleary

Once Upon A Time

OTP - Killian Jones / Captain Hook

BrOTP - Regina Mills

NOTP - Mary Margaret Blanchard / Snow White

Parks and Recreation

OTP - Ben Wyatt

BrOTP - April Ludgate

NOTP - Jean Ralphio Saperstein

Peaky Blinders

OTP - Tommy Shelby

BrOTP - Alfie Solomons

NOTP - Ada Thorne

Pokemon

OTP - Brock

BrOTP - Bulbasaur Ash Ketchum

NOTP - Jessie

Rick and Morty

OTP - Rick Sanchez

BrOTP - Beth Smith

NOTP - Jerry Smith. 

Schitt’s Creek

OTP - David Rose

BrOTP - Ronnie Lee

NOTP - Moira Rose

Sherlock (BBC)

OTP - Sherlock Holmes. He'd adore your mind and find your skill set useful. Sherlock would love your defiance of authority and ambition. Though you'd butt heads every now and then ultimately your differences would make you an even better match. You'd both bring out each other's emotions more and understand each other better than anyone else ever could.

BrOTP - Mycroft Holmes. I know, very surprising. But like with Sherlock there’s a lot in common and a lot different. So you’d frequently argue But in the end you’d have the common goal of looking out for Sherlock to make you both closer.

NOTP - Jim Moriarty.

Sons of Anarchy

OTP - Jackson “Jax” Teller.

BrOTP - Bobby Munson

NOTP - Tara Knowles

Star Wars Prequels

OTP - Obi-Wan Kenobi

BrOTP - Qui-Gon Jinn

NOTP - Anakin Skywalker

Star Wars Original Trilogy

OTP - Luke Skywalker

BrOTP - R2D2

NOTP - Han Solo

Stranger Things

OTP - Jim Hopper. I think Hopper would admire you for testing people so thoroughly to see if you can trust them. And he’d really love how loyal you are to the people you do trust.

BrOTP - Alexei. Here me out, the two of you seem to have a bit in common. First and foremost your intelligence. And I think you’d make Hopper quit being such an ass to Alexei.

NOTP - Nancy Wheeler

Supernatural

OTP - Sam Winchester. Okay I can just see you researching together. Staying up all night in the Bunker’s library poring over every single book.

BrOTP - Charlie Bradbury. Do I need to say anything more than nerd power?

NOTP - Mary Winchester.

Teen Wolf

OTP - Chris Argent

BrOTP - Stiles Stilinski

NOTP - Lydia Martin

That 70’s Show

OTP - Eric Forman.

BrOTP - Donna Pinciotti

NOTP - Jackie Burkhardt

The Expendables

OTP - Lee Christmas

BrOTP - Barney Ross

NOTP - Mr. Church

The Hobbit

OTP - Thorin Oakenshield. Thorin would admire your wide skill set and your ambition to learn how to do so many things. He'd adore your loyalty and knack for diplomacy. 

BrOTP - Fili Durin.

NOTP - Thranduil

The Lord of the Rings

OTP - Faramir. 

BrOTP - Samwise Gamgee

NOTP - Denethor

The Vampire Diaries & The Originals

OTP - Elijah Mikaelson. I think that Elijah would adore your intelligence and would encourage your interests and hobbies. If you want to know anything about history? He'd be more than happy to discuss his own experiences with you. He'd often get your opinion on a course of action before doing it, due to your with and ability of predicting the possible outcomes. He'd love your original, no pun intended, point of view. And though he loves your tenacity, your ambition, your idealistic nature and your loyalty, sometimes it can frustrate him when he thinks certain people who have your loyalty don't deserve it. Or at least not at the intensity that you give it. 

First Fight - Your first fight would probably have to do with your friendship and loyalty towards Klaus. While sometimes he admires it, he often wishes that you weren’t so loyal to his brother. Thinking he isn’t always deserving of it. Afterwards you’d both go in different rooms to brood until ready to make up.

BrOTP - Niklaus Mikaelson. Klaus would admire your intelligence, ambition, hard working and even defiant attitude. Your skills and ability to think differently from everyone else. He would also come to you for advice though he wouldn’t always adhere it. Though what Klaus would love most of all is your loyalty. Especially after he made it through all your tests and found himself on the receiving end of your loyalty. And he would feel guilty when your loyalty and friendship with him would cause a rift in your relationship with his brother. 

NOTP - Damon Salvatore. Damon is impulsive and has his own way of testing the loyalty  of those around him. Though his form of testing is more of him doing things that makes them less loyal and trusting of him. He’d probably end up trying to test and strain your loyalty towards Elijah and Klaus. Which would infuriate you. And he would fail which would infuriate him.

The Walking Dead

OTP - Negan.

BrOTP - Carl Grimes. In an AU where Rick’s Group became saviors instead of finding Alexandria. I think Carl would have become Negna’s protege and may have even softened him up.

NOTP - Rick Grimes.

The Witcher (show)

OTP - Geralt of Rivia

BrOTP - Yennefer of Vengerberg

NOTP - Queen Calanthe

True Blood

OTP - Eric Northman

BrOTP - Bill Compton

NOTP - Sam Merlotte

Vikings

OTP - Ragnar Lothbrok

BrOTP - Ivar the Boneless

NOTP - Björn Ironside

WWE (kayfabe personas)

OTP - Roman Reigns

BrOTP - Finn Balor

NOTP - Chris Jericho

[tobi-tobi-tobi]

Oooo ahhh I have a clue for my identity

*clears throat*

[William I (Farnaby)]

I'm William the Conqueror

My enemies stood no chance

They call me the first English king

Although I come from France

1066, the Domesday book

I gave to history

So fat on death my body burst

But enough about me

To help remember all your kings

I've come up with this song

A simple rhyme and ditty

For you all to sing along

Oh...

William

Bit short, innit? We need more kings! Who came next?

[Henry I (Baynton)]

William second, cheeks were red

Killed out 'unting, so it's said

I took over, Henry one

[William I]

That's my next eldest son

Then came Stephen, it's true, check it

![Henry II (Howick)]

I, Henry two, killed Thomas Beckett

Richard Lionheart? That's right!

Always spoiling for a fight

Oh King John, what a disaster

Rule restrained by Magna Carta

[All so far]

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

[Henry II]

Time for my mate, King Henry eight

To take up this song

[Henry VIII (Willbond)]

Henry three built the abbey

Ed one hated Scots

A red hot poker killed Ed two

That must have hurt him lots

Edward third was a chivalry nerd

Began the hundred years war

[Henry V (Rickard)]

Then Richard two was king aged ten

Then Henry, yes, one more

King Henry four, plots galore

Not least from Henry five

Moi? I Killed ten score at Agincourt

Then Henry six arrived (Waaa!)

[Henry VIII]

Edward four, Edward five

Richard the third, he's bad

'Cause he fought wars with Henry seventh

First Tudor and my dad

So Henry eight, I was great

Six wives, two were beheaded

Edward the sixth came next

But he died young and so my dreaded

Daughter Mary ruled, so scary

Then along came...

[Elizabeth I (Howe-Douglas)]

Me!

I'm Liz the first, I had no kids

So Tudors RIP

[All so far]

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two

Then three more Henrys join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary one, good Queen Bess

[Elizabeth I]

That's me, time for more men

James six of Scotland next

As English James the first he led

Then Stuarts ruled, so Charles the first

The one who lost his head

[Charles II (Baynton)]

No monarchy until came me

Charles two, I liked to party

King Jimmy two was scary, woo!

Then Mary was a smarty

She ruled with Bill, their shoes were filled

By sourpuss Queen Anne Gloria

And so from then, you were ruled by men

[Victoria (Howe-Douglas)]

'Til along came me - Victoria!

[All so far]

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two

Then three more Henrys join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary one, good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

Still to come, it's Queen Victoria

[George IV (Howick)]

And so began the Hanover gang

George one and George two

[Victoria]

Grim!

Then George the third was quite absurd

[George IV]

'Til I replaced old him

[Victoria]

King George the fourth and known henceforth

As angry, fat and cross

[George IV]

Hang on!

[Victoria]

It's true you beat Napoleon

But were mostly a dead loss

[George IV]

Bang on!

[Victoria]

Old William four was a sailor

[George IV]

Ahoy!

[VIctoria]

It's nearly the end of the story-a

As onto the scene comes the best loved queen

Hail to Queen Victoria!

[All]

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two

Then three more Henrys join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary one, good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

George, George, George, George

Will, Victoria

Victoria, Victoria, Victoria

[Victoria]

I ruled for sixty four years, you know

Ed seven, George five

Then Ed, George sixth

Liz two then reigned and how

And so our famous monarch song

Is brought right up to now

[All]

Oh...

William, William, Henry, Stephen

Henry, Richard, John, oi!

Henry, Ed, Ed, Ed, Rich two

Then three more Henrys join our song

Edward, Edward, Rich the third

Henry, Henry, Ed again

Mary one, good Queen Bess

Jimmy, Charles and Charles and then

Jim, Will, Mary, Anna Gloria

George, George, George, George

Will, Victoria

Edward, George, Edward, George six

And Queen Liz two completes the mix

That's all the English kings and queens

Since William first that there have been

FLOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSS I lOVE YOU

This. Is. My. Childhood.

[ssiggss]

I made a whole AU in my head yesterday and I'm debating whether or not to invest in it but chances are, knowing me, I'm gonna do it anyway-

Please ignore the absolute MESS that this is- it is completely disorganized 😭🖐

So basically I replaced the Arcane Order with my own OC I literally just made for this specific reason as the villain.

His name is Pyelan, (pronounced PIE-LAN) and he's an old god of peace- very powerful and ancient. However, he's grown corrupted and angry at humanity for the amount of needless war and death in their history.

He sees the pollution of Earth and the sickness, and takes it upon himself to fix it, having gone mad after the eons he spent alone.

The humans stopped worshipping him, that is why they have no peace, they've destroyed everything, in his mind the only option is to create a whole new Earth with a new species that would do better.

He seeks The Arcane Order, knowing who they are (having once been friends in ancient times) and means to have them open the genesis seals and wipe out humanity forever.

(I'm taking what Tobias said in the interrogation scene in ROTT and running- the bit abt The Arcane Order being the creators of everything.)

(Also, I like to think each of them had a hand in different species, Bellroc creating trolls and changelings, Skrael creating humans and goblins and Nari creating the animals of the Earth- with input from eachother of course. Though I'm still hammering out the details)

In this AU, The Arcane Order do not hate humanity, are more so disappointed and eager to fix the imbalance so humanity and all beings could return to their lives.

They understood his plight, but told him that because they created humans, they would find a way to restore balance without killing them off.

This throws him into a vengeful rage- could they not see that their humans have failed them? Could they not see the damage humanity has done to their planet?

If the gods who created this world were too stupid to see the truth and fix it themselves, then he would do it.

During an opportune moment, Pyelan steals Nari away and holds her hostage- this is where The Arcane Order enlists the help of their old friend's apprentice, Hisirdoux Casperan.

Douxie involves the Trollhunter and his merry band of armored children and various peoples, and there ensues many scenes of Bellroc and Skrael interacting with everyone.

So Pyelan pretends to be remorseful, tells them to meet them at the roundhouse to return Nari to them.

Obviously its a trick, but he still manages to gain control over all three of them and releases the titans- now its up to Jim and everyone else to save creation, and the creators.

Steve does NOT get pregnant but instead, the 'seventh kiss' is an engagement, meaning he would become king- a huge responsibility he's not sure he can fulfill. (Possible subplot about Steve gaining true confidence in himself and a tear-jerking scene where he looks up at the sky and hopes his mentor is proud of him after the final battle.)

Claire, Douxie, Archie, his father and Blinky still go to find the Khronosphere- it was Bellroc who told them to find it this time, their last words before they succumbed to Pyelan's mind control.

Archie chooses to stay with Douxie, there would be a heart wrenching scene where he and his father says quick goodbyes as the wall seals.

"Take care of eachother," he says, "I love you, son."

Varvatos still comes down in the bigass robot, but this time he has a co-pilot and its Zadra.

They actually manage to take Bellroc down, and Jim insists on going up and talking to Bellroc in hopes of breaking Pyelan's control.

"Is this what you truly want? C'mon!" he says as he battles against them upon crumbling molten rock. "You are who you make yourself, don't let him think for you!"

Bellroc is freed from Pyelan's control, discovers that they had been tricked by Pyelan and that Skrael and Nari were still in danger- they go ballistic.

Zoe's called in by Douxie to aid them, and she and Krel pair up as the designated tech nerds and they get a whole scene with some crazy cool akiridion tech/mechromancer wizard shit that frees Skrael from Pyelan's control- two down, one to go.

Claire is ofc a badass, portals Bellroc's titan to Arcadia and then shit really hits the fan.

In this AU, Toby and Steve fight alongside Jim against Pyelan, Strickler doesn't die but instead tends to a severely wounded Nomura with Barbara.

Pyelan uses Nari and her titan against the other two, Bellroc and Skrael are trying desperately to not hurt her too badly, but its not going so well.

Varvatos and Zadra's robot goes down against Pyelan, who ends up fighting Jim, Toby and Steve directly.

Instead of Toby dying, Jim sacrifices himself one last time as the Trollhunter, defeating Pyelan but taking himself along in the process.

This prompts everyone else to make a unanimous decision to use the Khronoshpere to save Jim.

The Trollhunter has saved countless lives, and now its their turn to save the Trollhunter.

Rewinding back to when Pyelan first set the trap for Bellroc and Skrael, they defeat him much much quicker this time.

Everyone knows what his next move will be as they all retained their memories, and Jim is safe.

The balance is slowly but surely fixing itself as time goes on, The Arcane Order are dedicated and often visit Arcadia to take breaks or to enlist help for certain missions.

Steve becomes king, ruling alongside Aja and later in their adulthood, they have children. (with much better designs)

Barbara and Strickler get married, and later so do Claire and Jim, and when I tell you that wedding was a sight to behold.

Toby is much more confident in himself, and is known all throughout Arcadia as a hero, The Trollhunters partner- Keeper of Peace.

"I'll do a much better job than the last guy, trust me."

All in all theres lots of things I gotta figure out for this AU, but its purely for self-indulgence because I can't stand the ending of ROTT. And also I was told all headcanons are canon now so I am doing what I must

[endearingsalt]

Marie Watches Amok Time, sober but emo

(yes, there are spoilers. also it gets long.)

Holy shit the soup scene wasn’t exaggerated

this poor man. hormones are the mcfucking worst amirite

he’s trying so hard not to say why. this is hilarious but i also feel so bad for him

“I need... rest” fjslfjdifjdjdjdjdkd

Babe what is in your hand. Is that a fucking knife

SPOCK NO. BABY NO. PUT DOWN THE KNIFE HONEY

okay I have a question. why doesn’t starfleet know about this. like it’s a part of Vulcan biology. it’s a necessity. they should know. but yes yes i know, i can hear my brother’s voice even now telling me “shut up, star trek isn’t supposed to make sense”

Wow Kirk was really thinking of being late for him huh. before even knowing. we’re all idiots in love

I’m fucking dying the way they’re building up the suspense

oh. oh baby. baby. honey no. darling. shit. fuck. oh my gosh i feel for him so hard rn

wow bones really does drop the mean-to-spock act the second he’s in trouble huh

THE HAND QUAKING THING I’M SO SAD

Kirk and Bones, right now: “YOU COULD HAVE TOLD US YOU WERE GOING TO DIE, MAN. WHAT THE FUCK.”

wow i knew what brand of angst this was going to bring me but for real. ow.

imagine being a vulcan parent having to give The Talk™️. those poor people. Vulcans are like the Irish having no word for menstruation

“biology.” this whole scene is so damn awkward im dying

This poor man

KIRK’S FACE WHEN ASKED HOW VULCANS CHOOSE MATES REALLY IS LIKE THAT

The person who wrote this was high. That’s the only explanation for this galaxy brain take right here

Imagine being Kirk right now and trying to be sensitive but also hearing this information for the first time

oh wow im emo

watching this as a sex-repulsed asexual really makes it hit different

Sulu and Chekhov are amazing

“Leave me alone. LEAVE ME ALONE” wow. mood.

Send Spock in a shuttle? But again, “not supposed to make sense”

Awww there goes Kirk being Kirk. Also I can’t help but feel “isn’t that worth a career” has undertones of a callback fo Menagerie

Chapel. Sweetie. I’m sorry but this crush you have will not go well for you. And if it does, it still won’t be the way you want. Go kiss Uhura, you’ll feel better

Spock has so many weapons in his room. I love it.

We haven’t even made it to Vulcan yet

You know something’s wrong with Spock when he compliments Bones

Wow this is so sad and yet so soft

🥺🥺”best friends”😭😭

THERE SHE IS. THE MYTH. THE LEGEND. THE LESBIAN. T’PRING.

“She is my wife” the WAY bones just LOOKS at Kirk I’m ded hahaha

If I were a Vulcan I would accept death that’s it that’s facts

Once again, Kirk has done his Vulcan research

Wow there is so much soft dialogue in this episode oh my gosh I’m dying

I know I’ve already said this but I feel so. bad. for him right now. I put off watching this episode bc I knew it was gonna make me emo. I’m still not sure watching it now was the right choice. I’m doing it for the lore

ohhhhh it’s getting worse am I gonna start crying I might I might start crying

The bells are killing the mood but honestly? I’m so glad the bells are here to kill the mood so I don’t start bawling rn

Wow kirk’s a nerd. He can fit so much love and history factz in him

They’re gonna fight with some weird shovels

BITCH. YOU COULDA TOLD HIM IT WAS TO THE DEATH EARLIER. LIKE WHEN SPOCK WAS ACTIVELY BEGGING YOU TO, FOR INSTANCE

oh here we go. the horniest fight to the death in history

Bones if you could compensate that easily why DIDN’T YOU DO THAT IN THE FIRST PLACE

now they fight with some jump ropes

oh shit. oh man. here it comes. time to get even more emo

McCoy you are taking this SO well. Are you fucking lying to us right now, or like??

That “wanting is better than having” quote is fucking insane in context. I’m emo

“I shall do neither” im. emotionally compromised

✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ:* JIM *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

OHHHH HOLY SHIT IM EMO

oh fuck oh shit oh gosh oh fuck im. i cant

HA. I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT BONES YOU CLEVER BASTARD

ohhhhh wow alright. so. i’ll be processing that for weeks.

[meetthemidwest]

About Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio playing video game, I have to know what they said during the subspace emissary gameplay. May we hear about what happened? Please and thank you, you fabulous person

This took so long and I’m so sorry but finals week happened and I had to study for apush! There are spoilers, but the game came out in 2008 so I’m not too concerned. I still put it under the cut just in case someone didn’t want it spoiled. I really hope tumblr doesn’t cut this, there’s a lot here.

Subspace Emissary is a two player story mode in Smash Bros Brawl, and since there are three of them, Indiana, Kentucky, and Ohio take turns. Indiana and Ohio play the first level.

Indiana: You know what? I kind of relate to Kirby.Kentucky: Please explain what the hell that means.Indiana: He inhales food and killed god.Ohio: Oh please, you haven’t killed god yet.Kentucky: Yet? YET??

After the whole fight with Mario and Kirby, there’s a part where the Halberd flies over the stadium and drops a bunch of shadow bugs.

Ohio: Those things look like the mold that was growing in my basement last year.Indiana: Glowing and purple?Kentucky: Delicious.Ohio: What the actual fuck Kentucky?Kentucky: No, you don’t understand, nature is delicious.Indiana: Oh really? I’ll be right back.She comes back in five minutes later with an armful of plants from Ohio’s backyard.Kentucky: *picks up a leaf* There’s a spider on this one.Indiana: Eat it.Ohio: DON’T EAT IT!Kentucky: Aw, it fell.Ohio: *jumps from his chair to the table* Fucking kill it already!Indiana promptly throws it at him and he screams like a girl. The video cuts there. It comes back to Indiana and Ohio arguing over who to save in the first boss battle.

Indiana: Zelda’s twenty times better than Peach you dumbass!Ohio: Peach is the original Nintendo princess! You respect the originals or I’ll put you in the goddamn dirt!Kentucky: You just got a game over.Indiana: No one asked for your input Bill Monroe!Kentucky: How the hell do you know who that is?The video devolves into screaming. It cuts to Kentucky and Ohio playing while Indiana eats a pot of Kraft macaroni and cheese. They’ve saved Peach and moved on.

Kentucky: Hey, it’s Pit from Kid Icarus on the NES!Indiana: Fucking nerd!Ohio: Nice redesign.Kentucky: Yeah, well, if we aren’t going to get Geno, it’s nice that an obscure Nintendo game is getting some love.Ohio: *looks directly into the camera* Localize Mother 3 you cowards.Kentucky: PLAYER TWO CAN TELEPORT HELL YES YOU’RE CARRYING THE TEAM OHIO!

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!Kentucky: Did Diddy Kong always have guns or is that a new thing?Ohio, drinking tea in the background: Neither of you have ever played Donkey Kong Country and it shows.Kentucky: Oh god, Danky Kang just sacrificed himself for his son!Indiana: Wish that was the relationship I had with Quebec but he just calls me his bastard daughter and I call him my asshole father.Kentucky: Oof.

Ohio: Oh shit, Indi, get your xylophone, we’ve got a pokemon!Indiana: *starts playing the original pokemon battle theme on the xylophone while Kentucky fights Rayquaza but dies because he’s laughing too hard.*

Indiana: That feeling when you’re kidnapped by a small primate in a baseball cap.Ohio: No, that can happen. Have you ever been to the zoo?Kentucky: Are you okay?Ohio: *voice crack* no.

*Lucas and Porky appear*Ohio, ripping the controller out of Kentucky’s hands: YOU LEAVE MY BABY ALONE YOU CAPITALIST FUCK!Indiana: Oh shit, he’s crying!Kentucky: And I’m the nerd?Indiana: Shut up nerd, Mother 3 was hard on him.

*Ness appears*Indiana: SNES is just a word scramble of Ness.Kentucky: Mother 3 confirmed?Ohio: NOOO NESS JUST GOT FUCKING KILLED BY WARIO!Indiana: Weak.

*Pokemon Trainer appears*Kentucky: ASH KETCHUM???Indiana: You’re so stupid. It’s Red, obviously.Ohio: Red and Ash Ketchum’s secret love child.Indiana: *Gets up* I quit.

*Battlefield Fortress*Ohio: You know what this looks like?Kentucky: Oh god please no.Indiana: *pulls out Kentucky’s xylophone* Ready when you are.Kentucky: Indiana, if you value our friendship, please don’t do this.Indiana: We’re not friends though.*Marth is introduced. Indiana starts playing Together We Ride on the xylophone. Ohio joins in on a green plastic kazoo. Kentucky slams his face into the table and gets a nosebleed.*

Indiana: Hey it’s Spanish Batman from Kirby Right Back At Ya!Ohio: Never say those words in front of me again.

*Ike appears*Kentucky: Please don’t-Indiana and Ohio: *Playing the recruitment theme With Us on their instruments.*Kentucky: *looks into the camera like Jim on The Office*

Kentucky: Luigi is my spirit animal because he’s a coward with a heart of gold, like me.Indiana: You’re a coward, but I know you had your heart surgically removed in 1847 so don’t even try that bullshit with me.Ohio: He had a heart before 1847? Damn. See, I relate more to King Dedede because he’s a king and his relationship with Kirby reminds me of Michigan and I.Indiana: Yeah, that sounds about right.Ohio: I don’t like the implications there.

*Link appears*Indiana, shoving Ohio and Kentucky out of the way and wearing a Legend of Zelda hoodie: Move bitches, it’s my time to shine.Ohio: Oh thank god Yoshi’s here because I’m not playing as Link. Kentucky, doing a scarily accurate impression of Yoshi: YOSHI!Indiana: What the FUCK Kentucky???Kentucky, coughing: If I do that for too long I lose my voice.Indiana: Then don’t do it!

*There are some enemies that I distinctly remember in this part that scared the hell out of me, and they’re called Puppits.*Ohio: Oh god, oh fuck, what are these things?Indiana: Kill it!Ohio: *dies* SHIT!Kentucky, eating gummy bears out of a paper bag: Why are y’all so bad at this? It’s just an enemy.Indiana: *throws her controller at Kentucky and hits him in the forehead.*

*The cutscene with the box*Indiana: Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!Kentucky: SPOILERS!

*Zero-Suit Samus*Indiana: I wish that were me.Ohio: Why? She’s not that much prettier than you.Indiana: Space guns.Kentucky: Of course.Indiana: Also I think a lot of girls would be into me if I had that ass.Ohio: There it is.

*Pikachu*Ohio: Did you guys know that this is how we powered the first rocket to the moon?Kentucky: Electricity rat.Indiana: Thomas Edison used Pikachu to power America, your history books have been lying to you.Ohio: We’re going to get killed by the government, aren’t we?Kentucky: Yeah, but not for this.

*The battle against Subspace Peach*Indiana: Mario’s going to be so pissed.Kentucky: Yeah, but Yoshi’s Mario’s lifelong friend, so surely everything will be a-okay!*Mario battle ensues*Ohio: Love blinds all.Indiana: Stop trying to sound wise, I literally watched you burn your tongue on your coffee and throw it into a wall.Ohio: You know what Indiana? Fuck you.

Indiana: Kirby Kirby Kirby that’s the name you should know!Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby he’s the star of the show!*Both look at Ohio*Ohio, obviously disappointed in life: He’s more than you think, he’s got maximum pink.Indiana and Kentucky: Kirby Kirby Kirby’s the one!

Indiana: Ew it’s Ganondorf.Kentucky: Wait, I thought he was a pig?Ohio: Well Kentucky, people can be pigs without looking like them, like New York.Kentucky: No, wasn’t he literally a pig?Indiana: That was Ganon.Kentucky: They’re… they’re the same thing?

*Wario battle*Ohio: IS LUCAS DOING THE ARTHUR MEME?Indiana: HOLY SHIT HE IS!Kentucky: MOTHER 3 CONFIRMED!*they all start screaming incoherently. The video cuts to them actually fighting Wario. Ohio is Lucas, Kentucky is the Pokemon Trainer.*Ohio: My boy Lucas has seen some shit.Kentucky: Your boy Kentucky has also seen some shit, how about a little love over here?Ohio: No.Kentucky: Thanks.

*Bowser’s army attacks the castle Dedede is in.*Indiana: Oh my goodness he’s Dedede-dead!Ohio: I’m going to sew your lips together while you sleep.

*Bowser gets away with Peach’s trophy*Kentucky: This is so sad, Indiana play Ave Maria.Indiana: *plays Ave Maria on the kazoo*

Kentucky: I love how Ike, the youngest and most impulsive, jumps right off a cliff while both Marth and Meta Knight reach out to stop him.Ohio: Me with my bastard siblings.Indiana: Let me guess, Wisconsin’s Ike, Michigan’s Meta Knight, and you’re Marth?Ohio: No, because I don’t join them in their bullshit.Indiana: Oh? Then what do you call the time the three of you tied Illinois to a tree and left him there for a week?Ohio: It’s called knocking the wealthy down a few pegs.Kentucky: Guys, this was an appreciation of Fire Emblem characters and nothing more.

*Diddy Kong trophy*Indiana: PeRSonALLy I PrEFer ThE AiR!Kentucky: OH! GRAB THE FAN! *they proceed to get the giant Subspace Diddy Kong to 500% and launch him off the screen.*Ohio: The monkey’s kidnapping a bird.Indiana: I saw that happen in Florida once.

*Ridley battle*Kentucky: HE’S TOO BIG FOR SMASH BROS!*Kentucky then plays the Ridley theme on the xylophone while Ohio attempts to crawl out a window and Indiana screams*

*Olimar and Captain Falcon*Kentucky in the background playing Pikmin music on the xylophone: Isn’t this nice? Pikmin was one of the best games I ever played.*West Virginia kicks down the door and plays the F-Zero theme on an electric guitar*Kentucky: Get the hell out!West Virginia: While y’all were sitting in here playing video games I got arrested for tax fraud and broke out on my own.Indiana: Amateur. What’s your point kid?West Virginia: Get on my level. Get hobbies for god’s sake. You’re going to be killed one day, you gotta live in the moment.Ohio: I die when I decide, you little rat faced bastard. There’s a cupcake in the fridge, take it and get out.West Virginia: Alright, I’m going to elope with Mothman, see y’all later.

Indiana: DOnkEy KoNG!!!!Kentucky: Aw heck, I died.

*Ice Climbers*Ohio: That jumping noise definitely isn’t going to get annoying in the next few minutes.Kentucky: *slowly mutes the tv*Indiana: You guys are really dumb sometimes. You know that, right?

*the two groups meet up*Indiana: The gang’s all here!Ohio: If you play as Link again I’m going to suffocate you on camera.Indiana: With what?Kentucky: His Ohio State mascot body pillow.Indiana: What the fuck.Ohio: You’re next, Kentucky.

*Snake*Kentucky: Sometimes I just want to hide in a box while my problems run around without me.Indiana: Shame problems are like Lucario and can see right through your hiding place.Ohio: Guys, I dropped a hot pocket into the hole in the wall and I can’t get it out.

*Sheik and Peach*Indiana: I’m getting some strong Peach loves her strong girlfriend vibes from this.Kentucky: I’d love my strong girlfriend too if I had one.Ohio: No living organism would put up with you for more than a week.Indiana: YO PEACH IS SUCH A BADASS!Ohio: SEE???Indiana: Zelda’s still better though.Kentucky: Fox McCloud’s going down.Indiana: Do a barrel roll!Ohio: Shit, I want tea.Kentucky: Then make some!Ohio: Okay! Jeez, don’t yell at me.

Indiana: Where did Mr. Game and Watch even come from?Ohio: Hell.Kentucky: Actually, there’s a series of handheld games-Indiana: Shut up nerd!

*Subspace bomb factory*Indiana: American weapons storage.*the entire factory blows up*Kentucky:… American weapons storage.Ohio: It’s us when we try to get together for holidays.

Ohio: Kirby rides in on a fucking dragon to save the day!Indiana: Sakurai showing clear favoritism for his children.Kentucky: Virginia made West a pepperoni roll once and when I asked for one she told me that I could starve.Ohio: GUYS IT WASN’T MASTER HAND IT’S THIS ASSHOLE OLD MAN LOOKING GUY AND BOWSER’S DEAD STOP HAVING FEELINGS AND GET YOUR HEADS IN THE GAME!

*Everyone dies*Indiana: I want butterfly wings that kill people.Kentucky: Evolve and grow them.Indiana: Good idea.Ohio: LUCAS NOOOOOOO!

*Dedede, Ness, and Luigi**Ohio walks in dressed as King Dedede, Indiana’s dressed as Ness, and Kentucky is dressed as Luigi*Kentucky: I still think I should have done sexy Luigi, but whatever.Indiana: Ohio, say it.Ohio: I’m not going to say it, fuck off.Indiana: Say it.Ohio: No!Indiana: SAY IT.Ohio: I’m gonna clobber that there Kirby.Kentucky: That’s mama Luigi to you!Indiana: Fuck, Ness doesn’t have any funny lines. Ohio: Can we please play the game now?Indiana, clearly excited: OKEY

*Great Maze*Indiana: You’re going the wrong way!Ohio: You’re hogging the remote! Let Kentucky play!Kentucky: That’s the wrong door!*they start screeching at each other. Minnesota walks into the room about to say something, shakes his head, and leaves.*

*Tabuu fight*Kentucky: I’m vibing with this music.Ohio: Don’t try and sound young, we all know you’re old as fuck.Indiana: Ohio if you don’t stop dying I’m going to throw you out a window.Kentucky: SONIC SPEED! *proceeds to die* GOSH DARN IT!Indiana: WHY ARE YOU USING SONIC?Kentucky: HE WAS RIGHT THERE I HAD TO!*they die about twelve more times, but only one makes the final cut. At some point they beat the game*

Indiana: This was cute. I really liked the relationships in it.Ohio: Yeah, shame we’ll never get a wholesome and fulfilling story mode again, right guys?Kentucky: *plays the Smash Ultimate theme on the xylophone.*Indiana: I’ll go get my Switch.Ohio: You better.Indiana: I’ll hit you.Ohio: You’re in my house, that’s assault.*Indiana kicks Ohio out of his chair. The video cuts for the last time*

[shirtlesssammy]

5x05: Fallen Idols

Hey all! Welcome to Hate Watch Week! We’ve picked the best of the worst and are recapping them all week. These are our personal choices, and I’m sure they all (*but one*) have redeeming qualities, we just see the bad more than the good. Enjoy our snark  --and join in if you want :) (And if you’re still trying to guess our hiatus theme, this episode doesn’t count.) 

Then:

Angst-a-thon!

Now:

We meet Jimmy and his pal, Cal, both race car enthusiasts. Well, enthusiasts for one sports car: James Dean’s Porsche 550 Spyder. While Jimmy runs to get the camera, Cal sits in the car, ready to start the “Little Bastard”. Only, the air gets frosty and the car radio flickers on. We hear a crash and Jimmy heads back to the garage to find Cal’s head smashed into the jagged edge of the convertible’s windshield. 

Sam and Dean are on the case! Sam wants to know why this case is so important --what with the devil and apocalypse and all. “This is what we’re doing, okay?” Dean insists. Dean highlights that they’ve been away from each other for a while (*Ahem* maybe I don’t like this episode as much because the last two episodes were just Dean and Cas having fun times together? IDK. 5x03 and 5x04 were a wild ride that I watch over and over again.) 

THE HORROR:

They arrive at the local cop shop as FBI agents Bonham and Copeland. The local sheriff shows them the video “evidence” that Cal’s good buddy Jim killed him. The brothers are less than convinced.

The sheriff applied Occam's Razor, and done and done. 

The brothers want to interview Jim anyway. He tells them what he heard from the house: tires squealing, glass breaking. The car killed Cal. It’s cursed. Jim mentions that it was “Little Bastard” that did it, and Dean’s eyes light up like a little boy at Christmas. OoooohhhHHHHooo. Dean and cars and, well, don’t tell me he never had a crush on James Dean. We all have had a crush on James Dean. Sam “I can’t be any more straight” Winchester has no flippin’ clue what’s going on. Dean insists they check out the car. Bby boy. 

They head to the car, and Dean takes a moment. Sam asks for some exposition. Dean explains that after James Dean died, the mechanic bought the wreckage and fixed the car. 

The car fell on him, and death continues to follow the car wherever it goes (Ugh, I just went down a rabbit hole of what happened to the car and am now in a weird spiral of remembering how much I loved James Dean as a teen and how much Rebel Without A Cause meant to me. I’m not 90 years old. What a weird flex for a 1990’s kid to experience. But also not, since Dean’s right there with me, right?) 

Anyway, to really confirm if the car was James Dean’s, they’ve got to match the engine number. Dean heads under the car to confirm, begging the car to not hurt him first. Dean takes his sweet ass time being nervous and writing down the engine number, but he makes it out alive. He tasks Sam with tracking down all the owners.

While Dean hangs at a bar, Sam discovers the car is a fake. 

Meanwhile, a nerdy man reflects on his day at his desk when the air gets frosty and he hears a creaking behind him. He turns and utters, “Oh my god, it’s you. You’re dead. You’re supposed to be dead.” Is it a long lost wife? An old rival? Nope. It’s a growling Abraham Lincoln. He chokes the nerd man until he becomes a victim of the blood cannon. Better angels of our nature, my ass. 

The agents meet the sheriff at the crime scene. They remark that there’s nothing strange about the victim dying of a gunshot wound where there’s no gun, no gunpowder, no bullet. Awkward. The brothers demand a reasonable explanation from the sheriff. He hunkers down and whispers, “Professional killer.” He’s thinking this is a Michael Clayton-type thing. And I love it because that’s the limit of his imagination. Sam and Dean know better but only because they live in the fringe of this world where monsters are real. 

Sam and Dean head to interview the victim’s maid, Consuela Alvarez. She’s very distressed, and can only speak Spanish. 

Sam pulls out his freshman Spanish to save the day. I only remember “Donde esta el baño?” Good job, Sam! The killer was a tall man with a long black coat and a beard. And he wore a hat. A tall hat. Dean cracks the code: A stovepipe hat like Abraham Lincoln. DEAN BEAN, so street smart he doesn’t even realize how book smart he is. Sigh. “Abraham Lincoln killed Mr. Hill,” Consuela confirms. 

The brothers continue to research. Dean watches the car video frame by frame until he finds one frame of a blurred red coated figure ---and INSTANTLY guesses that it’s James Dean ---but like Jim Stark James Dean. It’s not like James Dean wore the damn red coat outside of that movie role, lol. (Sidenote: Fun fact: Fry from Futurama’s coat is modeled after that red coat.) 

Sam realizes that they’re dealing with famous ghosts that are killing their fans. (Sidenote: I hope Misha Collins never dies.) The brothers wonder why these ghosts are haunting Canton, Ohio. They do more research. 

The brothers head to the Canton Wax Museum. They marvel at all the random wax figurines (and Sam is taller than Lincoln? Hmmm. They’re the same height. #Borisisanerd) Dean makes fun of Gandhi and Sam defends him, but uh, nope, Sam, nope. 

The museum curator shows up and the brothers introduce themselves as reporters for Travel Magazine. They’re writing an article on “how totally non-sucky wax museums are.” The curator points out that this place is unique. He points to Lincoln and tells the boys that’s actually Lincoln’s hat. Yep, he’s got real items from all the dead guys. 

He’s going to make wax museums hip again. And OMG Sam’s little thumbs up in response. STOP. 

Later, Sam loads up on salt rounds and walks in on Dean talking to Bobby about him. Dean gets off the phone fast and dismisses Sam’s questioning about the call. Dean’s not 100% with Sam yet. They head out to finish the case. 

At the wax museum Dean starts poking around. Let the tomfoolery begin!

Sam hauls out a metal trash can which they can use to torch all the priceless, one of a kind objects. (History-fan me cringes.) While he’s doing an ultra-close-up examination of Lincoln, the doors slam shut. Suddenly, Gandhi is on him! Gandhi is strong, he’s fast, and he’s out to kill. Dean torches Gandhi's watch and Sam’s attacker winks out. 

The next day, Sam mulls over the case in the motel room. Ghost Gandhi's quick disappearance has him troubled. He didn’t flame out like most ghosts, and he seemed almost zombie hungry. Sam thinks the hunger is uncharacteristic given Gandhi's tendency towards fruitarianism. (WWMGD? What would monster Gandhi do?) Dean dismisses Sam’s concerns, and Sam tells him that hunting together isn’t working. Dean doesn’t trust him. More than that, Dean’s trying to stick to their old patterns with the older brother telling the younger brother what to do. 

“Before didn’t work,” Sam tells him. That old dynamic chased Sam off into Ruby’s arms. “You’re gonna have to let me grow up.”

Dean’s phone rings. It’s the local cops, calling about another terrible incident. 

The Sheriff is…utterly at a loss with this next one. Dean and Sam head into the station to interview two teen girls. They tearfully recount the “horrible” “way horrible” disappearance of their friend who was kidnapped earlier by…Paris Hilton. 

Dean and Sam tick the obvious boxes. Paris Hilton isn’t dead, so they’re not after a ghost. Sam suits up in scrubs to do a detailed autopsy of one of the prior corpses. He pulls out two strange seeds from one of the victim’s stomachs. 

Sam fills Dean in on the excessive blood loss he discovered (something was feeding) and the seeds. The seeds are unusual, and he takes them back to the motel. There, he discovers that the seeds were indigenous to a forest in Europe, and the forest was ruled over by a god, Leshi. Leshi can take on any form and feeds on his followers. Dean hand waves the shapeshifting explanation for the audience by asking, “So how's he doing it? What, he touches James Dean's keychain and then morphs into James Dean?” Thank you, Exposition Dean!

The Winchesters arrive back at the Wax Museum, this time bearing a nice sharp axe. In a creepy closed exhibit they find the victim and…Paris Hilton. She (He?) takes out Dean and Sam quickly. When they wake a little while later, they’re tied to the fake trees in the exhibit. 

Leshi sharpens a blade slowly, excited to do the sacrificial ritual correctly this time. He explains that he’s settled in this town to stuff his face full of worshippers arriving at the wax museum. With the apocalypse nigh, there’s no reason to diet! 

Leshi grouses about the poor quality of worshippers these days. Dean fights whining with snark, and Leshi tells him that he worships somebody - his dad. “Poor little Dean. All you ever wanted was to be loved by your idol.” They fight and Sam breaks free and hacks off Leshi’s head.

The next day, we learn that the victim they rescued is going to recover. And even better? The bumbling Sheriff is putting out an APB on Paris Hilton. 

At the car, Dean admits his own culpability in bringing about the apocalypse, when he broke the first seal. He apologizes for being preoccupied with the wrong things. Sam responds with the hero speech with which we’re so familiar. “We gotta just grab onto whatever's in front of us, kick its ass, and go down fighting.” Dean’s on board. Hell, he’s more than ready to move forward. He hands Sam the keys to Baby and they roll off to the sweet sounds of Jeff Beck's “Superstition." D’awwww.

These Quotes are Hot:

We’re not your typical cops

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I'm gonna make wax museums hip again

Four score and seven years ago, I had a funny hat

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