#jihyun kim fic

[xelasrecords]

Locus of Pain

Kim Jihyun x MC

NSFW

MC doesn't tell Jihyun she's hurt. He finds out anyway.

I'm back with smutty and messy ambiguous relationships! With GE Jihyun's personality. I will forever campaign for his GE personality until it becomes mainstream in fics and I don't have to put a disclaimer anymore.

TW: discussions on adult child abuse, self-destructive thoughts and actions, brief mild gore imagery, self-harm

Words: 4.5k

Masterlist Read on AO3

She stumbled into the apartment with a pained grunt.

She ought to feel bad for staining the floor with her blood, but she had more important matters to attend to. Her back was burning with lacerations and every step she took was straining the bruises that had burrowed into her muscles.

She tried not to swing her hands too much as she headed for the bathroom, disposing of her jacket at the foot of the bed. For once she was thankful for Rika's cramped apartment. It could be suffocating at times, but it was easy to live in. Jihyun said Rika had a taste of unassuming minimalism. She thought building a gilded emerald cult with thousands of followers was pushing the definition.

Gripping the edge of the sink, she clenched her jaw and started peeling off her blood-crusted shirt. The injuries shouldn't be too deep since the blood had stopped flowing down her back like a free-flowing motherfucker. But as she pulled the shirt over her head, it tore the barely knit skin apart, and warm blood started to trickle down again.

She cursed her thin epidermis. It was not supposed to tear over a mere picture frame thrown at it, even if the frame was large enough to cover half of the bedroom wall.

Her father had excellent aim and strength. He had proven that to her many times.

Sometimes she fantasised about breaking his skull in with a scorching hot pan, wondering if his hair would melt from the heat or if his eyes would bulge out of their sockets. Would he scream for her help? Would he plead for mercy or curse her for being a demon spawn? Then, she could blame him for fathering such an evil inside her.

Her stomach curdled with guilt. The resentment was hers alone, and he had loved her despite her selfishness. She couldn't shed away the primal care she had for him. She was her mother's daughter, after all.

Twisting her body in the mirror, she made a quick work of cataloguing her injuries. Two long gashes that dipped into her flesh but wouldn't require stitches, one blackening bruise near her ribs, and several cuts and bruises that stippled across her back. She tested her breathing. No wheezing. No punctured lung. An improvement from the last time. Jihyun wouldn't need to know.

She stepped into the shower and washed off the blood. The cold water chilled her bones. But it had to. It was better to feel all of it. She had asked for his wrath and now she dealt with the consequences. Besides, it helped with closing the wounds.

After she put on a pair of shorts, she reached for a bottle of alcohol from the medicine cabinet. Sharp gasps escaped her mouth every so often as she tried to pour just enough. Medicine was costly and she shouldn't waste it. The burn blinded her vision white and she hunched over the sink, focusing on the cold ceramic under her fingertips and the slicing of tiles beneath her bare feet.

When her sight had stopped swimming, she took a deep breath and bent her arm behind her in awkward angles to slap adhesive bandages to the wounded area. She grunted in frustration. It was tougher than she'd thought. She was nauseous from constantly looking up to check her reflection, the evening autumn draft was pricking at her exposed skin, and the plasters kept sticking to the wrong place.

She glared at the mirror. Do not faint.

How many nights had she spent patching herself up? And yet she still struggled. Her lack of progress was almost laughable.

She didn't think there were any glass shards embedded in her though. One good thing that came out of this. She tried not to think about the larger shard she had pocketed when the picture frame glass shattered, now buried under the bloody heap of clothes.

She froze when she heard someone punching in the door passcode.

She was about to kick her bathroom door close when Jihyun entered and switched on the lights from down the hallway. Their eyes locked, and he stopped in his tracks. Her throat constricted.

This was not how she wanted him to ever see her.

His face grew horrified, and he dropped his satchel in his rush to get to her. She had a fleeting worry that his satchel might have dropped onto the blood-stained floor and she might have ruined his fine leather bag.

Jihyun stood before her, his mouth opened and closed. She schooled her face into indifference and waited.

"You—" he started, "what happened?"

The impulse to lie was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't find a good reason to when he had caught her like this. She doubted he would believe her excuses. The day had been long and she was so tired.

"A jolly good ol' catch-up with my parents." Her tone was casual.

Jihyun watched her with a worried frown, then squeezed into the small space and ran the tap water through his hands. He was moving with a surprising efficiency as he lathered his hands with soap before scanning her injuries and her first aid supplies.

"Please let me help." His teal eyes were desperate. She had forgotten how luminous they were from up close. "You can't do this alone."

"You shouldn't have come here tonight."

"I'm well-versed in healing people," he urged. "I used to heal my own injuries when I was with Rika. I treated hers as well. I know enough, so you can trust me." His fingers twitched, almost reaching for her before dropping to his side. "Please."

More than the fact that she was found out, she hated that she had made Jihyun worry about her. The only thing she excelled at was to instil negative feelings in people who cared about her. Always wrath in her parents, sometimes concern in Jihyun.

Jihyun had never lost his head at her, but she was waiting for it to happen. No one had the patience of a saint, not even him.

It was a pity she had condemned him to another relationship where he had to play the caretaker. Letting him treat her would be an appropriate compensation for his scare. "Go on," she said. "But I should probably lie down."

Relief flooded his face. "That would be the best. Can you walk on your own?"

She nodded, but he held her arm and assisted her to the bed. He sat her down, slowly, and helped her settle into a comfortable position to lie prone in. She buried her face into the pillow that smelled faintly of mint leaves. It was Jihyun's side of the bed. It comforted her that he was permanent enough in her life that she could find traces of him in her private space.

"Has it always been this bad?" Jihyun asked quietly. The feeling of his lithe fingers inspecting her skin with clinical precision was unfamiliar. His touches were always loving, adoring, not stiff with anxiety. He had never seen her with weeping wounds. She had never let him into the truth.

"Only when I deliberately provoke them. Mother goes off the rails, father blames me for not caring about my own parents, I try to save myself before things escalate." She raised her head and smirked at him. "I don't always succeed though. Got a picture frame to my back, as you can see. Took being backstabbed by your family to the next level. They were supposed to hang it where their guests could see, but I doubt they'd hang it without the glass now. People would ask."

There was a brief silence before he spoke. "That's terrible." His voice was soft, barely a murmur. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know they are violent."

She shrugged. "You're not the one who should apologise. And they will anyway, once they think I've iced them out for too long. Not that it means anything."

He shook his head, and strands of aquamarine hair fell across his forehead. They softened the distress that wrought his features. "You're not a mouse they can play with."

"No, I'm just their daughter they can hurt," she said. Jihyun pressed a bandage against the grisliest gash across her back and she winced. "Do you think it'll scar?"

"It most likely will. Had it been any deeper, you would have needed stitches." He paused, his palm resting on her spine. "Why didn't you call me?"

"It didn't occur to me," she lied. She wanted to lay down her defences and curl into his arms. She didn't want to keep fighting for herself. There were times when escaping was better than fighting for nothing, but it wasn't something she could ask from him. Her cage was her own.

Jihyun's fingers curled against her skin, and she could sense the waves of sorrow unfurling around her. "Can you think of me from now on? It doesn't have to be all the time, moments when you are hurt will do. If you call, I will come."

"I think of you all the time, Jihyun."

"Oh. I didn't know that." The surprise was evident in his tone. He applied another bandage to her back, smoothing it cautiously over the raw wound. "But I know no one is meant to bear their burden alone. You have been through so much."

"So have you, love. I'm not special." She gave him a bitter smile. "Now, why did you come here unannounced?"

Jihyun studied her for several seconds. "I wanted to see you," he said. "You've been withdrawn lately, so I thought something had happened."

She chuckled. "I suppose this counts as something."

"I never had to imagine you in my position before," he said. "I thought you'd confide in me when you're hurt. It's what you always urge me to do. You taught me to be more trusting. But seeing you like this makes me realise how much fear you and Jumin must have felt when I took matters into my own hands." He let out a ragged sigh. "I don't know how I would cope if I came here one day and saw you unconscious on the floor."

Lucky he wasn't here when she blacked out from a concussion a few months ago.

She made a dismissive gesture. "Do as I say, not as I do."

"Only if you let me do the same thing."

She levelled a glare at him. "Definitely not."

Jihyun snorted but worked silently after. The stinging pain was dulling into low throbs. She had lost count of the bandages he used, but it must have been more than necessary. She felt the adhesives even on the spots that didn't require them. Jihyun was being excessive. After everything she had gone through, she was confident that a small, uncovered cut wouldn't be her reason to die.

He should know. He had been stabbed and was still alive fretting over her.

She heard him uncapping an ointment and felt a cool sensation on her skin. He carefully massaged the salve into the bruises, sending shivers throughout her body. How nice he was. How patient. How kind.

When he pushed her hair aside to tend to the base of her neck, her breath caught. His fingertips sent fire down her synapses. It had been so long since they did anything. The distance she put between them was growing taut. The farther she pulled, the harder she would crash back into him.

Her arm moved on its own accord when she grabbed Jihyun's fingers and pressed her lips to the back of his hand. The strong herbal scent from the salve burned her nose, but this smooth hand was his. Hers.

Jihyun was always there for her to come back to.

He was not home. Home, to her, was not something that she ever longed to go. It was the misery that strangled her into obedience and shrunk her world into a dark, bleak place to survive in.

He was her sanctuary on a far-off island. Nothing could get to them when they were together.

Jihyun let out a light chuckle that sang to her heart. "Let me wash my hands. I don't want to make you any more ill."

She squeezed his hand. "I missed you too, you know. I'm glad you're with me."

He stilled, then crouched beside her head. He tucked the hair that obscured her face behind her ear and kissed her temple before gently wrestling his hand out of her grasp. The shape of his lips was just as she remembered it.

She watched him rinse the blood from her clothes and exhaled in relief when he didn't stray to her trousers' pocket. She watched him clean his hands with water trickling down his forearms, the brown sleeves of his sweatshirt pulled up and collecting water at the elbows. She watched him storing the first aid kit and medicines in the cabinet to her preferred arrangement. She watched him doing useless things for her.

When Jihyun climbed into the bed and rested against the headboard, she asked, "Do you know what the worst part of this is?"

He stared down at her, eyes carrying a heavy sorrow. "That your parents don't know how to love you?"

"Not even close." She rolled her eyes. "I've known that all my life. Not being able to lean against anything is the real tragedy. Look at me, I can't even sit comfortably beside you."

"But you can come closer," he said slowly.

She raised her brows but let him guide her to lie on his chest, his fingers resting on her bare shoulders.

He was clothed and she wasn't and it was something she needed to rectify.

She tangled her leg around his and relaxed her head against his beating heart. It was thrumming to a rising tempo that mirrored hers. She toyed with a loose thread on the neck of his sweatshirt. "I wish you weren't so good at fixing up injuries like mine. I wish you never had to learn."

"It's all in the past now." He slipped his fingers into the gaps between hers and clasped them. "I'd go through it again if I had known it would help alleviate your pain."

She snapped up at him. "Your martyr streak needs to stop."

"I have stopped. Just allow me this one exception." He planted a chaste kiss on her mouth, then cleared his throat. "Will you meet your parents again?"

She tightened the thread around her forefinger until it looked like diagonally dissected blocks of meat and she could barely feel its existence. "I know they do horrible things sometimes, but I can't cut them off. It's not that easy. I still love them. When they're not mad, they can be easy to love."

Jihyun frowned at her finger and gently untangled the thread before snapping it off. "That's what makes leaving harder, isn't it?" The haunting in his face revealed the extent of horrors that he had experienced. An angel with a darkened, torn soul who was still rising high above. He was not her. She liked that about him. "It's easier to hate someone when they have only been awful to you. It's their residual goodwill that gives you hope that they will change. When I look back to how stubbornly I stood beside Rika, I understand. Left in the dark, we cling to the light. We forget who trapped us there in the first place."

She didn't want to admit that Jihyun was right. That he was right, yet it would not change anything.

She wondered if she had been drawn to him because the subconscious part of her knew he would understand. Jihyun knew how to make her feel less alone in the guilt and resentment and twisted love that she couldn't untangle herself from. Most people were not like him. She learned from a young age that if people found out about the abuse, they would either urge her to leave—which added unnecessary pressure on her because it was never an option—or give her pitiful looks while stumbling over their words.

"Jihyun," she said.

He drew his thumb over her chin. "Yes?"

"Don't go." She pushed herself up and crashed her lips into his.

It was fervent, maddening, and she poured all the tension from their time of separation into it. The yearning to see him. The stress from her parents meddling with her happiness. Everything she had been missing after being alone for so long.

Jihyun reciprocated with more caution, treading her lips like they were a treasure trove. He gave in eventually when she didn't show a sign of discomfort, his kiss matching her intensity.

She bit his lower lip and slipped her tongue into his mouth. He gripped her shoulders, pulling her closer until she was pressed against him. His hands were not sliding down her waist and everywhere else like he tended to. He kept his hold staunchly on her arms even as he deepened the kiss.

It hit her what he was doing. He was being considerate of her battered body.

She let out a sob into his mouth. Nobody had ever cared for her like this. She could stand all the violence flung at her, but one act of kindness felled her to her knees.

Jihyun pulled away in an instant, his glazed eyes searching across her face and body. "Are you all right? Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head. "I was just thinking about you. You're wonderful. I missed you." Jihyun's expression was guarded, appraising her, and she let him. She had spoken the truth. She offered the truth so rarely that she would not omit more of it if it concerned his regard for himself. "I'm fine, Jihyun."

He gave a slow nod, and she tugged off his cashmere sweater. With a tender touch, she ran her hand through the ragged red patches of skin that stood out against his pale torso. Burn scars from a house fire. Both of them had childhood wounds woven into their very being. The past was made permanent on their skin.

Jihyun squirmed, seemingly self-conscious, despite her being familiar with the scars, but he made no attempts to stop her. He was beautiful, body and soul, she thought. He had more love and forgiveness in him than anyone she had ever known.

She trailed kisses along his jaw and sucked on the juncture behind his ear. He moaned and curved his body against her, and she smiled into his neck. It was amusing, the reactions that she could elicit out of him. No one could touch him as she could. He did not let anyone else know him intimately like this. He was only for her.

She suspected all of this played into his pleasure as well.

She twined her fingers around his hair, marvelling at the softness of it, and pulled it back to bare his throat. He had such a beautiful throat.

She didn't apply much pressure as she wrapped her hand around it, but his breath hitched. Her lips curved into a sly smile, her other hand wandering down his hard bulge. "I don't know why being choked always turns you on."

Jihyun held his gaze on her despite his reddening complexion. "I can feel you wanting me when you hold me like this."

"I do want you." She swung her leg astride him, straddling his hips and rested her forehead against his. The hard-on beneath her was hard to ignore. "It drives me out of my mind when I can't be with you."

"You shouldn't have pushed me away," he murmured. "I'll still want you, however you are, whatever condition you are in. You're always just you to me. Nothing can make me want you less."

"I'm sorry," she said. Jihyun closed his eyes, and she kissed his eyelid with a gentleness that she reserved only for him. "I'm sorry I left you alone."

He cradled her cheek, and she basked in the warmth of it. The safety of him. He was here and she couldn't fight the temptation to lose herself in him. "You didn't leave me alone. I belong with you. Anywhere you run to, you take me with you. I'm yours."

She tightened her hold on his throat to see his reaction. "You're mine," she whispered.

A slow smile graced his delicate face. "I am. I'm yours."

Jihyun drew her closer by the elbow and peppered kisses on her mouth, her chin, her throat, and her collarbones. He palmed her breasts and sucked her nipple while tweaking the other with his fingers. They hardened at his touch and she moaned his name, demanding him to be harder, rougher.

She needed to feel everything.

He bit her nipple and her hand slipped to the base of his skull, grasping at his hair. He was hers. His action and devotion were hers. It sent a deluge of pleasure down her core. Jihyun could be gentle, but he was also earnest to give her the satisfaction she sought.

She wanted him. She wanted him. She wanted him more than the freedom from her wretched life.

"I love you." She tipped his chin back. "I love you, Jihyun. Remember it."

He smiled up at her, his pupils blown wide with lust. "I love you, too."

She reached down and unbuckled his trousers. She had done more strenuous activities in a worse state, so fucking him wouldn't damage her already mangled body. But Jihyun stilled her wrist when he saw through her intention.

She narrowed her gaze. "I'm on the pill."

"You're hurt," he said. "I don't want to worsen your injuries."

"Have you not treated them?"

His grip wasn't loosening. "You need more time to heal. The wounds may open again."

"Then go slow."

Jihyun hesitated.

"Please," she croaked.

As soon as she uttered the word, she knew she had him. He sighed, but let go of her wrist. "You'll have to be careful. I'm stopping this if you push yourself too far."

"Brilliant."

Jihyun pulled down his trousers while she discarded her shorts. She lowered herself into him, relishing in the feel of him filling her. He ran his hands up and down her waist tentatively until he was sure that he wasn't touching any of the injuries on her back. Only then did he allow himself to move into her with practised ease. She held onto his shoulders and rolled her hips in tandem, burying her face into his neck and letting him control the pace. Jihyun had meant his warning and she was not eager to risk it.

It felt new. It felt familiar. It was what she had yearned for. His low grunts, her body slanting forward to hit the right spot, their skin sticking to each other in sweat and slick wetness.

Jihyun was slow, unhurried, with faint caresses down her back. His concern for her was easy to read. He was tracing back the pain that he couldn't protect her from. He might no longer bear a debilitating guilt, but she didn't think he could ever eradicate his need to shield her from misfortunes.

She couldn't blame him. It was the same with her, though the abuse done to her wasn't something that anyone could simply take away, and they both knew it.

She bit his earlobe, mumbling, "It's not your fault."

Jihyun tilted his face, and his lips brushed her cheek. "It's not yours either."

She stopped caring whose fault her source of agony was and thrust into him, picking up the pace while she dug her nails into his arms. He didn’t stop her, his hand snaking down to find her bundle of nerves instead.

She gasped and arched her back when he rubbed her. She was vaguely aware of the sharp jabs of pain in her back, but she welcomed them. Pain grounded her into him.

Jihyun's fingers were vigorous, and his thrusting was getting rougher that it twisted the coil in her lower abdomen. She writhed with need, whispering to him not to stop, and he listened, and it brought her higher and higher until the coil snapped.

She cried out in ecstasy.

Jihyun kept to his pace as she rode out the climax, not stopping despite her trembling legs and clearing haze. She focused on him overwhelming her in a way that annihilated her need for anything else. The alkaline tang of paint that lingered on him. His tightening grip on her bottom as she felt him reaching his climax. Him twitching inside her when he finally did, his muscles tensing as he came inside her. His pleasure-struck face that entranced her every time.

He was a marvel to look at, to have. He was hers. He had proclaimed it. He was the forest that shrouded her from the vultures circling above, the soft sand that sank her deeper into him with each pull of the waves, the hearth that kept her warm through the barren cold. With him, she could breathe.

She would give him everything he wanted. She would not let him go.

She slumped against him, their mixed fluids seeping down her thighs. He slipped out of her and she kissed the underside of his jaw. "I love you."

Jihyun's breath was still racing as he drew circular patterns on her shoulder blades. "Your parents didn't hurt you because you provoked them. They hurt you because they're abusive. It's not your fault."

She sighed. She had hoped he would let it go, but nothing could stop him once he made up his mind. "Knowing it doesn't make it any better."

"Do you really think so?" He ran his thumb up her inner forearm. She flinched and tried to jerk away, but he held onto her. The deepest scars had faded to silver, but the fresher ones were raised ridges along her skin. She had been careful, small cuts scattered on an easily hidden spot. She didn't realise he would notice. "Isn't this your form of penance?"

Her chest tightened. "It's the only thing I have control over. If I blame them and direct all my anger at them, I will hurt them. This way, the only person I hurt is myself. I'm not a weapon. I'm not a threat."

"Don't you think you've been hurt enough?"

She wore a thin smile and looked away. "Sure."

Jihyun's hands slid up her jaw and tilted her head back to him, his fingers resting on the pulse points on her neck. "You can be angry around me. It's natural to want to express your emotions. They're not something you're supposed to keep to yourself. Talk to me when you feel like turning to self-mutilation. I'm yours, remember? My ears are yours to talk to. My shoulders are for you to lean on."

She surveyed his pleading gaze with a twinge of pity. Jihyun was asking for more than he was supposed to receive. In time, he would see it.

Another waiting game had begun. She almost did not want to see the ending.

"All right. I'll do that."

-

Footnotes:

I went with Jihyun because I thought he'd be an interesting choice. The role reversal and all. He's forced to confront how he is seen through MC's eyes when he's involved in dangerous situations and refuses help.

MC's relief for living in Rika's suffocating apartment at the beginning parallels her feeling trapped in the familial cage that she doesn't want to leave. There's a reason why she doesn't move out of the apartment even after the cult drama is over. She's a bird caged too long that she can't take flight even if the door is open. She's not capable of leaving things behind, so she hoards everything she can (Jihyun) to herself.

MC thinking that her father "had loved her despite her selfishness" is the product of her parents' manipulation. Her belief that she's selfish if she feels negative emotions and wants anything at all is what drives her self-destruction, and ironically, her possessiveness.

With Jihyun, it's easy to make him fall into the rescuer role when the partner self-harms, so I was very mindful of depicting the discovery scene. I didn't want to romanticise it and make MC feel like if she got hurt more, she'd get more attention from him. Since this is GE Jihyun, he wouldn't default back to his old enabling methods.

I was dubious about making MC self-harm since I don't want this to be a gratuitous checklist of trigger warnings, but it makes sense for her to turn to cutting. If she has to be hurt, it might as well be by herself. Might as well be on her terms.

The nature metaphors are to show Jihyun's and MC's common interest in nature.

Are they actually in love or is it just oxytocin and loneliness? Who knows?

I felt pressured to write a romantic fic, but I haven't been able to these days so I turned to this. It brought relief somehow. This was cathartic.

I used to think I'd never write a possessive character in a non-antagonising light yet here we are. I compared this MC to the one from Wedge the Knife Under My Skin, but this one is blunter with her words and well, more possessive. She's bitter and sarcastic and resigned to her suffering. Fortunately, Jihyun is secure enough to see through her sharp defences.

The title is a twist on the locus of control concept in psychology, which is about a person's degree of belief on how much of their internal force governs their external life.

I don't know why I like to throw Jihyun into ambiguous relationships either.

Header Corner:

A quick process breakdown! Add a directional blur to the base footage > duplicate the footage, slightly shift the position and change the blur direction to get the hazy look > add a red filter overlay to fit the fic's bloody mood but retain the magenta in the background to resonate with the romance aspect > choose the appropriate angsty text and font!

Youtube | Goodreads | Letterboxd | Pinterest

[fakeuwus]

UNDERSTAND | park jongseong smau (ongoing)

now playing ☾⋆⁺₊🎧✩°｡ understand by keshi

"maybe we could try, if you let me"

PAIRING: idol!jay x idol!yn (femreader)

SYNOPSIS: coming fresh off your debut, you get invited to be a part of the revival for the beloved variety show 'We Got Married'. what happens when you find yourself falling for your "husband", as he's the perfect partner on and off screen?

FEATURING: enhypen, son jiwoo, moon chanelle, choi jihyun, bang jeemin, + other idols!

GENRE: smau, crack(ish?) (its just me trying my best to be funny but i have the humor of a 12 y/o boy), fluff, angst, idol au, fake dating?

WARNINGS: suggestive jokes, suggestive content(just making out and lots of TENSION!), couple stuffs, will specify in chapters if needed, ignore timestamps and dates!!!

MESSAGE FROM NIC: ahh my first smau!!! sent this prompt to @enmayz on anon and now im bringing it to life :3 IM SO EXCITEDD it's my first smau and im getting the hang of things, so pls be nice!! feedback is always appreciated as well :D

TAGLIST: OPEN (send a ask or comment to be on it!)

PROFILES: worst group ever | ENHA ENHA ENHA

CHAPTER 1: ill choke you in your sleep

CHAPTER 2: we live in a Society . 😕

CHAPTER 3: that's not very pride month of u

CHAPTER 4: u mean *OUR girlfriend

CHAPTER 5: jay pookie nation???

CHAPTER 6: mentally physically weak .

CHAPTER 7: im a sensitive little fella

CHAPTER 8: the eyes chico, they never lie 😔

CHAPTER 9: bros got attachment issues idk!

CHAPTER 10: JAYYN NATION RISE

CHAPTER 10.5: see you loverboy!

CHAPTER 11: copium 💀

CHAPTER 12: omg i love jungkook sunbaenim

CHAPTER 13: eunchae... 😡😡😡😡😡😡

CHAPTER 14: call that idgafism

CHAPTER 15: ch*emin happend

CHAPTER 16: floppy disk or balls

CHAPTER 17: the dots are connecting...

CHAPTER 18: he's MENstruating

CHAPTER 19: a lovers quarrel 😟

CHAPTER 20: —

© fakeuwus 2023 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

[brighteststar707]

Hi I want to request tipsy with V please. It's been a while since we properly talk Faye and I'm so excited to read the things you will write for this event!

It has been so long since we last properly talked, isn't it! I hope life is treating you well, Xela. It's been so long since I've written for Jihyun but I had a lot of fun with this request and I hope I did him justice!

Tipsy Date

✦ Jihyun x Reader

A half-empty bottle of wine sits between your knees, and somewhere in the back of your mind you are aware of the condensation that's collecting on your legs and making you cold. The grass rustles in the breeze and  tickles your skin.

You are content. With the view: flowers and greenery as far as the eye can see, the sun and clouds overhead and the scent of grass filling the air. With the company: Jihyun is buoyant today, filled with an infectious joy and slight hint of mischief you're indulging. With the drink: wine, a gift from Jumin from a recent visit.

Jihyun had whipped the bottle out of the fridge this afternoon and insisted on enjoying it outside in the fields surrounding your home. The weather had been temperamental lately, and he had spent the past few days holed up in his studio, appearing only every so often to give you a peck on the cheek and bring you into the studio to ask for your opinion on his latest piece.

The drink has gone to your head already, as you warned him it would after your first sip. At the time, he had only grinned in response, as if this was his plan all along.

Your legs are bare, you are more relaxed than you have been in a while, leaning back, basking in the sun and taking in the sight of Jihyun in front of you. His cheeks are slightly flushed, both from the drink and the sun overhead.

He rubs the back of his neck self-consciously.

“Do I have something on my face?”

You squint for a second, then shake your head. It wouldn't be the first time he has walked around with a drop of paint or charcoal smudge on his cheeks.

“No, why?”

“You've been staring for a while. I was getting worried.”

You giggle. You have both come a long way in the time you have been together, but sometimes the old insecurities peek through. It's ridiculous to you, in this state, that he cannot understand how he still enraptures you.

“I'm just enjoying the view.”

Now it is his turn to laugh. It's a silly line that somehow still works on him after all this time.

“I should have brought my camera,” he says. “The lighting and the scenery are perfect for some portrait shots.”

“We'll just have to come out and do this again soon. Wine and all.” You reply. He recently started giving you photography lessons and you already had a small collection of snaps forming.

You agree with him, though. The clouds in the sky today remind you of a painting of a moody artist - wispy white under more defined silver-lined clouds. The breeze becomes a gust, and you can taste a storm in the air.

You can see it already, the two of you in front of the fireplace tonight, heads still light and stomachs full of something hearty, listening to the pattering rain outside and knowing you have each other safe and warm.

You pick up the bottle and bring it to your lips once more. It's a fine wine, and you make a mental note to take note of the label later.

You hold out the bottle in front of you and jiggle it slightly in front of his eyes.

“It's almost empty. What's the plan now?”

He takes it from you and finishes it off, tipping the bottle all the way back.

“I'm not sure. I hadn't planned this far ahead.”

“So your plan was just to get drunk in a field?”

“Yes. Romantic, isn't it?”

“You're no better than a teenager.”

He laughs again. “Maybe not. But you must admit it's fun.”

You find you don't have a contradiction to make. You feel light and buzzy, and were it not for the rain you're sure is coming, you could sit here all day. 

He smiles at you, pleased at this little back-and-forth. It has become the language of your love, these little teasing exchanges, punctuated with smiles and little prods and laughter. Easy and happy.

“Hold that pose,” you say suddenly, reaching around in the grass for your phone.

He raises a quizzical eyebrow but otherwise sits obediently.

Your phone camera is far less professional than his camera, and it doesn't quite catch the depth of the clouds and sunlight. What it does catch, however, is the glow of Jihyun's cheeks and the affection and softness in his eyes.

[talistheintrovert]

The Eighth Sense post-canon drabbles because I'm so obsessed with them I'm going to chew my way through my bedframe if I don't get it out of my system.

Chapter 1: Jaewon introduces Jihyun to his friends and Taehyung doesn't understand why Jihyun gets on with everybody except him.

Read it HERE!!

[apriiciitty]

underneath the covers (jihyun/jaewon)

jihyun could stare at him for hours and hours without getting bored, there was nothing that could make jihyun tired of him. jaewon was like a surprise, like a book with blooming pages, like a secret, a few could understand.

and jihyun was curious. jihyun was attracted to puzzles, to mysteries. he was attracted to things that were hard to understand and solve. and opposites attract. that's the rule of nature none can deny.

read ‘underneath the covers’ HERE

[myuntoldstory]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️

aw, thanks jayne! i appreciate you sending this. i'm a little embarrassed about this, lol, since self-promotion is not really my thing. anyway, here are the fics in post order (oldest to newest):

bitter, beloved, rebellious (3.9k words, one-shot, complete)

“Only call me Mary when it’s important. Then I’ll listen to only you.” As the war escalates, Sirius faces a future vastly different from the one he didn't mind living in.

commentary: this is a favourite of mine because it's one of the fics that made me teary while writing it. 50% is because it's macblack/blackdonald. the other 50% is made up of everything else i felt while writing it, like existential fear, grief, loss, mourning, all those good things. like, i distinctly remember thinking about this story while waiting for a bus. imagine getting teary-eyed while waiting for a bus, jesus christ lol.

lento con gran espressione (before the end) (2.6k words, one-shot, complete)

"This was what peace felt like, this quiet moment with nothing but the rain, tea, and both of them wrapped in each other." 1979. James and Lily spend a quiet Halloween night at home.

commentary: this is a thematic sequel to the first ever fic i "officially" (because i have posted things way back, like 2004, dksfjldksfjdfls but i deleted them out of self-doubt) posted in a03/ffnet. i guess with this fic, i'm happy with my descriptions, how self-contained it is, and the cosiness of autumn that has that undercurrent of hopelessness because of jily's situation. (sorry wow lololol)

water of the womb (6.3k words, one-shot series, complete)

Coalescence: verb. come together to form one mass or whole. Divaricate: verb. stretch or spread apart; diverge widely This short series is an exploration of Andromeda Tonks and Narcissa Malfoy—the choices they have made and what led to these choices. In Coalescence, Narcissa's past and present combine, focusing on her ultimate choice in the Second Wizarding War. In Divaricate, Andromeda's choice has led her back to the past… but would she be able to reconcile with it?

commentary: sorry i cheated a bit with the series, but i can't really self-rec one without the other. happy with the cohesiveness of these two fics, how (i think) i managed to present the tenuous connection between andromeda and narcissa. i like how i ended it as well because it was realistic and right, i feel. i was also proud of how i wrote teddy lupin and the golden trio kids, i think.

sillage (2.1k words, one-shot, complete)

On the day before his exhibition opened, V finds MC staring up at his work with tears in her eyes. It was a reaction he never saw before. So he approached her to find out why.

commentary: i'm proud of this purely because i managed to wrangle the huge philosophical and metaphorical story that is kim jihyun's in mystic messenger. even now i still get confused by some of the metaphors in his storyline. but anyway this fic was during my (still ongoing) phase of "justice for jihyun kim". because why does everyone get forgiveness and love except him? and i'm still super salty about things like saeran's after end and finally getting a kiss cg but not during gameplay, but after the fact, like as the game's app intro cg like sldkjflsdj nah dude, i ain't taking that as a win.

carry on, carry on (1.6k words, one-shot, complete)

"So whatever happens. No matter what the future has in store for us. You carry on, Dromeda. You carry on." Andromeda learns of Ted's death.

commentary: i just read this right now and... holy fucking jesus christ why is it so sad??? ahahaha. and my end note is "i hope you enjoy". uh. wow, i'm so sorry to those who read this way back. i guess i'm sorry to those who might read this in the future also. again, i like how this is self-contained. i said in my end notes that i've developed a strong curiosity for off-camera moments. and that's still true. one of my prouder moments is the letter because in ffnet you couldn't strikethrough (i don't know if that's still true now); so with strikethrough being allowed in ao3, i could properly write the letter and bring to life ted's obvious mistakes (read: honesty) when writing his "last" letter to andromeda.

[undressedheartsblog]

I WOULD NEVER FALL UNLESS IT'S YOU I FALL INTO (seo jaewon/kim jihyun) - The Eighth Sense

* Post-Canon

* Comfort

* Cute

[ariseur]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆

who i write for 𓆩ᥫ᭡𓆪

(final fantasy vii)

zack fair

cloud strife

sephiroth

genesis rhapsodos

angeal hewley

reno (sinclair)

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ

(final fantasy xv)

noctis lucis caelum

ignis scientia

prompto argentum

gladiolus amicitia

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ

( jujutsu kaisen )

gojo satoru

yuuji itadori

megumi fushiguro

kento nanami

kugusaki nobara

yuta okkotsu

toji fushiguro

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ꕥ

( mystic messenger )

hyun ryu / zen

707 / luciel / saeyoung choi

ray / saeran choi

jihyun kim / v

yoosung kim

jumin han

jaehee kang

╭┉┈◦ೋ•◦❥•◦my won’ts

i won’t do full on nsfw!! only suggestive stuff / innuendos

i will not write about polyamory or labels that are important to the story such as trans masculine, etc !! i’m not educated enough on this topic and would hate to offend somebody.

i will not write about anything involving suicide or mental health disorders, i am also not very well versed in this topic.

i will not respond to dm’s, if you want to talk to me or would like to request something, please send something to my ask box !! i’m very iffy on direct messaging.

i will not write oc x canon.

i will not write for or create any au’s / alternate universes!! i just hate reading about it and i hate writing about it, hope you guys can understand!!

╭┉┈◦ೋ•◦❥•◦my will’s

i will write about things like period cramps or injuries, as long as they’re not super severe.

i will write headcanons, blurbs, and drabbles, and fics ^-^!!

[cloudcountry]

azulashengrottospiano -> cloudcountry azulashengrottospiano is now the url of my side blog!

AUBURN!! she/they pronouns. 19. arospec & asexual. main interests: twst, mairuma, ikemen games, stardew valley. ୨ you do not have permission to put my works into any ai. ୧

❀ FAVS!! ❀ ― leviathan, satan (om!), isaac newton, william shakespeare, vincent van gogh (ikevamp), zero, edgar bright (ikerev), jihyun kim or v, hyun ryu or zen, keith howell, andro jazz, shichiro balam, purson soi, shane, elliott, harvey (sdv.)

just because i like to be organized :3 ⤷ request rules. boundaries. friend codes. ikemen faq. you can find my fics under #auburn's fics <3 (i'm too lazy to fix the links in my masterlist sobs)

[wipbigbang]

Round 2 Of Artists Claims For The Regular WIPBB Are Open! Round 2 lasts until July 31st! You may claim 3 fics this round!

This is one of the fics open for claiming...

Mystic Messenger #077 Title: I'll Save You Pairing/Characters: 707 | Choi Luciel/Main Character, Kang Jaehee & Main Character, Zen | Ryu Hyun & Main Character, Kim Yoosung & Main Character, Han Jumin & Main Character, V | Kim Jihyun & Main Character, Choi Saeran & Main Character Rating: Teen | T Warnings/Tags: Cults, Kidnapping, Drugs, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse Summary: In which MC saves them all (except one)

The list of remaining fics and the link to sign up are below!

[marshmallowprotection]

Yay, an ask game!! >:3 Learning about everyone's writing process is always so interesting to me 👀

Ok, I'm really curious about your answers to 3, 20 and 56 ✧

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

Crying. There is a lot of crying involved as I sit down and try to figure out the best way to cultivate a chapter. I need to have some kind of music playing when I'm working. I don't just make those character playlists because they're fun to make, I make them because they help me create a story. I will listen to a song on repeat until it gets me the juice I need for the scene I'm writing.

Music is what motivates me to get into the rhythm of writing, and it helps me set the environmental tone.

Depending on what I'm listening to, it can really shape the story experience and sometimes it can help me deviate from the initial path I created. I do create outlines before I write a story and a chapter by chapter assessment, but sometimes things can change on the spot if I get a good idea thanks to a song.

Also, there are days when I will use voice to text features to help me write. I really like to get into the theatrics of a story so sometimes I'll just be narrating it out loud as it types itself out.

20. Have you noticed any patterns in your fics? Words/expressions that appear a lot, themes, common settings, etc?

That's an interesting question but I do know more than anything that grammarly likes to scream at me about using too many complex sentences and using the word "that" way too much.

I have a tendency to use very specific tropes. I will always follow a path of hurt comfort no matter what I'm writing. There will be hurt, there will be comfort, we will learn something about ourselves along the way, and we will cry until the happy ending. How many times have I used a kidnapping plot? How many times have I made a character beat around the bush with their emotions?

How many times have I made Zen the best friend to the reader insert character? Will I ever cut Jihyun Kim some slack? I know I have a lot of little nitpicky things but I haven't really thought about what that appears to be for people that read a lot of my stories. I would be curious to know what people notice that is similar.

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I think if there's anything I pride myself on it's the ability to capture what I want to express out loud but can't ever seem to do in person. If that makes any sense. I'm able to cultivate a story very easily that is filled with winding and complex emotions. It's easier for me to express myself that way than it is for me to do it outside of the story. It's strange.

But, I have grown a lot by learning how I can express myself through my writing.

[xelasrecords]

Haven Burning

Jihyun Kim x Reader

NSFW

Jihyun is sorry that he keeps wanting more from you while you're sorry that you can't give him enough, so both of you try to make up for it in your own way.

Words: 3.7k

Masterlist Read on AO3

Jihyun left the front porch light on for you. From up close, you could hear the faint clinking sound of moths bumping into the yellow beacon that shone through the dark. They would shed their wings and die eventually. Already there were husks of the fried bodies on the ground, but more would come still. They never learned. You swiped them aside with your foot and stepped into the house.

The living room was just as dark. You saw the silhouette of Jihyun first, his slouching figure nodding off in the armchair. Strips of moonlight that washed through the windows accentuated the elegant slope of his nose, the delicate swoop of his lashes, and the lustrous turquoise of his hair that stood out like a halo amidst the room's earthy tone. The whole space was a mess, but Jihyun preferred it to look lived-in instead of clinically neat. He liked the comfort of feeling at home, but your personal observation was that he could only feel complete when you were here. He was more himself with your presence. Why else would he give you a spare key you never asked for?

You waded through the scattered pillows and tabbed art journals to get to him. The blanket he used had slipped down the hardwood floor, so you bent down to cover him with it.

Jihyun started awake as you tucked in the corner of the blanket. "You're home," he mumbled, his eyes heavy-lidded.

You stayed in your crouching position and looked up at him. "I'm here."

Jihyun gave you a slow one-over, taking in your frazzled hair and unkempt clothes. "You really are." He offered a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and a hand that you took as he rose to his feet.

Jihyun was still holding your hand when he entered the kitchen. Absentmindedly, you brushed your thumb against the back of his slender fingers, the warm hand you were becoming familiar with. He was uncharacteristically quiet—not that you would know much about his character. He was as elusive to you as you were to him, but your habitual visit here had taught you enough. This was where you always met him. Not outside where anyone could catch you, but here, in the safety of his mess.

When Jihyun released your grasp to hand you a glass of water, you immediately accepted and gulped it down.

"Thank you, I was parched," you said. The liquid hitting your throat was lukewarm, the perspiration around the glass dripping down the floor. It must have been cold when he set it up for you hours ago.

"I'd thought you would be," said Jihyun. His tone was not unkind, but there was an edge to it as if he was holding back from saying more. He kept tugging on his cardigan's sleeve.

"Are you mad?" you tested.

Jihyun blinked, then said with caution, "I don't think there's anything I should be mad about."

"I didn't tell you I would disappear for a while."

"I can hardly get angry at you for doing the same thing I've done before."

You peered from behind the glass. "So you don't have any questions?"

Jihyun looked at you with fleeting sadness that you wouldn't have caught had you not paid attention, but you did. Everything about him was subtleties, so you had come to learn to read between the lines. "Not if it would hurt me."

"Then I will not tell," you said softly.

What hope that he had against all hopes vanished from his eyes. It wasn't clear what you and Jihyun were and neither of you saw the need to define it. You got tangled up with him when your life was in disarray, and he was willing to live in your chaos. He found comfort in your discomfort, so you could not come up with a reason to take it away from him.

The feeling was reciprocal after all. An unreasonable desire for Jihyun locked your knees in place. His love for your destruction became your love for his. There would be nothing left of you if he left, and he couldn't stand to leave you to degrade into ashes. You liked that he was so bound to you that he could not stay away, so the curse went around and around until you couldn't tear his thoughts apart from yours.

You wanted to possess him. No, more than that, you wanted to make a home right behind his sternum and cradle his ideologies in your hands and say, yes, you understood him because he felt like your own skin. You were made of him as much as he was of you. You were the Galatea he chiselled to obsessive perfection, a statue pervaded with the very essence of him that you were compelled to follow him wherever he went.

With the jug that Jihyun had left on the table, you poured more water into your glass and extended it to him. "Here, have one," you offered. "I'm sorry for making you wait up."

Jihyun shook his head but drank the water regardless. "Don't apologise. I did it out of my own volition."

You eyed the puddle pooling around the jug. "Did you prepare this for me every day?"

"I did."

"But what if I never came back?"

"I don't know, I just believed that you would. You never gave me a reason when you leave, so you don't need a reason to come back." Jihyun smiled, and sighed. "At least that's what I tell myself. I don't want to think about the day you stop wanting me."

You hummed noncommittally, eager to end the topic. "Would that day come, I wonder."

Without waiting for his response, you trudged back to the living room and threw yourself across the wide rug. You covered your eyes with your forearm as the steady ticking of the grandfather clock unwound the tension in your body. The last few days had been exhausting; you had been surrounded by people who only sought you out when they needed something. Your favour, for example. Your body, for another.

You heard a rustle as Jihyun knelt beside your head. "You shouldn't sleep here," he said. "You'll wake up with a backache if you do."

"I hate that word. Should. I should mind my health more. I should find a proper place to sleep. I should appease my work partners for everyone's sake. I should be nicer. Don't you think I'm already nice enough?"

Jihyun chuckled wistfully. "By your standards you are."

You lowered your arm and found him looking down at you, his turquoise hair falling languidly across his forehead. He was beautiful in the way the angels told in mythical legends were. All delicate angles and incandescent gleam even when doused with exhaustion. He had an air of perpetual sadness about him, almost as if it was his nature to be melancholic and other emotions were simply passing through.

Your heart twisted at the sight of him. "I know I'm not nice to you, I'm sorry."

"You're nice in your own way. You still came home to me."

"I give you so little."

"Yet it is all you can give, so I understand," Jihyun said. You gently held his cheek and he leaned into your touch by instinct. His eyelids fluttered close and he exhaled, sending shivers up the inside of your arm. "You give me this too. This is enough," he murmured.

There must be something more you could do. "Would you like it if I kiss you?"

"Can I kiss you instead?" Jihyun muttered against your wrist.

Making the first move was a way for him to assuage his guilt for always wanting more from you. Being on the receiving end discomforted him, so if he was the giver, then he couldn't be the beggar. It made him feel less pitiful begging for your attention, and you wanted to put him at ease however you could. All the better if it could also loosen your guilt for not giving him enough.

So you nodded.

At your cue, Jihyun trailed kisses along your inner arm and came up to your lips, placing an elbow outside your shoulder as he bent down to close the space between you. The lips pressing against yours were soft but desperate, kissing you with more force and fervour than he normally retained. He must have missed you, you thought. Though you were aching for more, wanting to arch your back to feel his body on you and to roam your hands free, you would not go further unless he did.

You ran your hands through Jihyun's hair and settled behind his neck. Without breaking the kiss, he swung one leg over and straddled you. His calloused painter fingers grazed the back of your ear and down your neck and collarbone. How many times had he touched you with an artist's delicate appreciation and given more than you had asked?

Yet you could never have enough.

A moan broke free from you as you gripped Jihyun down hard, tongue battling his as you locked your ankles around his hips. His movement grew more urgent, fingers shakily jerking your shirt buttons open before pulling your bra down. He sucked on your nipple while kneading your other breast, his breath harsh against your skin. He held on to you like you were his lifeline and explored your body like you were his. Sometimes, you liked to pretend that you were.

You slipped your hands beneath Jihyun's shirt, covering the planes of his back and the rungs of his spine, down to the waistband of his trousers. His bones were more defined than the last time you touched him, the dip between his ribcage and pelvis more pronounced. The guilt of you being the cause of his lost appetite was too agonising that you ground your hips against his, urging him to take more. Whatever he wanted at this moment you would give.

Your stunt elicited a groan from Jihyun. His hand skimmed down your stomach as he captured your mouth again, each kiss more fervent than before. Every touch of his sent out a line of fire in its wake, intensifying your need for him to plunge his fingers between your legs, to pull out screams from you that only he could. You raised your hips for him, his hand disappearing into your pants and rubbing circles on your clit—before he pulled away with a sudden gasp.

You instinctively chased for his mouth, lifting your head high enough that your foreheads touched. You cradled his jaw and searched his face, but he turned away, though it was not without extreme effort.

Jihyun was breathless when he spoke. "I can't do this to you."

You stared at him, incredulous. "Do what? Something that I want you to do to me?"

"I feel like I'm using you."

"Jihyun." You tipped your head back, your heart still pounding in your chest. "Does it matter if I want it just as much as I want you?"

"It does. I'm sorry, but it makes me feel perverse—like I'm hurting you." Jihyun hung his head low. "You overwhelm me sometimes."

You thought about how his careful passion was what came to your mind when you were in strangers' arms. How he denied himself from feeling pleasure through you, how that frustrated you yet it could never drive you away from him. You could feel the warmth vibrating from his body, his chest still heaving with need. You could smell the faint trace of tobacco that always seemed to linger around him. He overwhelmed you all the time.

"You can't hurt me if you mean well, and I know you do," you said.

Jihyun caressed your parted swollen lips. "I wish that were true."

It was impossible to get to the crux of him, to understand why he felt what he felt. A part of you thought it was unfair that despite his elusiveness, you could only feel your existence validated when you were with him. But here was someone so lovely that he would break himself to savour another day with you. You knew he would take every hurt you inflicted on him, but precisely for this reason that you wouldn't hurt him. He would just take it because he thought it was what he deserved. It made you want to fling yourself over the cliff, but even that you wouldn't do for he would simply follow in your footsteps.

"It's all right then," you reassured him with a smile. You knew how stubborn Jihyun could be, so you stopped trying to convince him. Satisfied, he moved to lie beside you while you rolled sideways to face him.

His eyes flitted to your exposed breasts and gently pulled your bra back up. "I'm sorry, that must have been uncomfortable."

You swatted his hands away when he tried to button your shirt. "Oh, leave it," you said, then reached out to twirl the vibrant strands of his hair. They were soft around your finger. "Your hair is growing longer."

He winced and combed through it self-consciously. "I'm overdue for a haircut."

"I wasn't complaining. You look good like this."

Jihyun seemed taken aback by the manner of someone who had never received such a compliment before. "Is that really how you think of me?"

"You are beautiful. Surely this isn't a surprise for you?"

"It does surprise me. I think of your opinion as sacred, for who am I to be regarded as highly by you? But selfishly, I want to believe you. I can feel your sincerity in your every word, and I want to cling to it," he confessed. "I didn't like myself until you liked me."

What a responsibility on your shoulders. Jihyun's entire worth and sense of belief hinged on someone as unworthy as you. Every time the conversation veered to a personal matter, it was like he pushed a camera up close to your feelings, feelings that you didn't want to pay attention to, feelings you would rather abandon than be overwhelmed with.

You opted for an ambiguous response. "I do like you," you allowed.

Once again, his eyebrows drooped and you could tell it wasn't a response that Jihyun hoped to hear. Why was it that you were this influential to his happiness? The more power you had over him, the more you feared it, but somehow even before you realised what you did, you had already done it to him. You had already broken him, and that broke you.

You lapsed into silence, flipping to your back and clasping your hands on your stomach. Staying at Jihyun's place felt a little like being suspended in time. The grandfather clock was still ticking, and the crickets outside were still chirping. When all the sounds were incessant, they ceased to be noticeable. When you kept doing the same thing, they gradually became meaningless.

That should be the case for everything, but every time you met Jihyun, you felt rejuvenated, new. It was as if he injected something vital into you and suddenly you knew how to be happy again. He didn't even have to do anything to make you better. Simply by existing, he made you solid. Perhaps his whole existence was to make you more of a human and less of a discardable pawn.

After a while, Jihyun propped himself up to his elbow. "Did you know," he asked, "that you're like a controversial artwork that always stirs up discussions because no one can quite figure you out? Even when you're with me, you feel abstract. Sometimes, I wonder if you're real."

You tilted your head sadly. "I feel like an unrealistic concept if you describe me like that."

"Oh, I didn't mean to offend you. I know you have feelings, but have you ever reserved any for me? I don't mind that you don't think of me often." You wanted to interrupt but he waved it away. "No, don't. You don't have to convince me otherwise. I know there's no right answer when it comes to you. I always feel like I'm doing things wrong, yet I can only feel right when I'm with you." He ducked his head. "I don't suppose I make much sense."

"No, I think you make too much sense," you said. Jihyun had crawled into the hollow of your ribs and made a living there without you knowing. It was equally fearsome and ridiculous. "How did you know that's what I'd been thinking too?"

"Did I? Perhaps we were made from the same soul."

"Nonsense. You're a better person than me."

Jihyun hummed while tracing a line down your nose. "Was I the first person you kissed tonight?"

You frowned at his train of thoughts that didn't seem to connect. "I thought you didn't want to hear hurtful things," you finally said.

"Then I'm no better," he stated. "I keep telling myself this isn't right, that I shouldn't be compelled to accept a loveless kiss from you, but when I see you like this, I can't help but feel greedy that only I get to see this honest part of you."

Loveless. It was one thing to deny the truth, but another to have the person you wanted to protect it from to have known all along. You did harbour some feelings for him, but you couldn't admit it was love. Love was not supposed to be this muddled and unsteady.

"Earlier I was abstract and now I'm honest? Do make up your mind," you attempted to tease him. "That person sounds exhausting to be liked."

"Don't worry. I'm doing all the hard work, so you just stay here." After a moment, he hesitated. "You do want to stay, don't you?"

You caught his finger and kissed it. "I come here almost every day, Jihyun."

"I'm constantly anxious that one day you will stop."

You knew what he expected you to say, that of course you wouldn't stop. That he was too dear for you to just quit on him. But how could you know what the future would hold if you couldn't even figure out your feelings towards him? Though you liked his company and the feeling of being liked by someone so full of devotion, how could you truly love him if he never even bared himself to you?

A lot of times, Jihyun felt more like a malleable clay than a person. He would say what he thought you wanted to hear and do what he thought you wanted him to do. He would become every other person on earth except his true self. Perhaps he could only be sure in himself if he was certain that you wouldn't leave, but you could only make up your mind if he could be firm with his. It was a special hell for a codependent pair.

"You'd do well without me," you told Jihyun, but before the words left your tongue, you already knew they wouldn't be true.

"Don't tell me you believe that."

You stared past his shoulders where the bookshelf mounted on the wall was crooked, weighted down by worn-out photography books. He still had art to turn to. Was what it that people say about artists? The more tortured they were, the more soul they could pour into their work? "It's more of a hope than a belief."

Jihyun's expression was stricken. "You hope to get rid of me?"

"No, you got it wrong." You briskly sat up. "Have you ever thought that the person you care about is better off without you? And yet—and yet, I don't want you to leave me." Your voice lowered with your admission. Honesty was what he wanted, so it was what you gave him now.

"Can't you see? I'd be hurting without you." He pulled himself up and sat facing you. "For better or for worse, you've enriched my life in ways that I can't do alone, so please don't leave. This is the one thing I will beg of you. Nothing else, just this." He clasped your hand in his chest, desperation seeping into his words. "If you can't bear to leave me, and I the same, then why should we try? We need each other. I'm fine with being tormented, but not if it means you would be suffering as well. I won't put myself through pain that puts you in more of it."

Jihyun had never demanded anything from you. He never thought he had the right, which made you feel worse for giving him less than he deserved. Nothing about you would ever be enough for his happiness. "You can get better people to fall in love with you out there," you whispered. "People who can actually fall in the first place."

"I don't need you to fall and injure yourself. You don't have to love me, just stay."

You gripped his shoulder. "Don't say that. I care about you too." You wished you could say you loved him, but it was the one word that you couldn't dislodge from your throat.

The smile Jihyun gave you was full of condolences. "All right, I'll believe you," he relented. He must think you were fooling yourself, and he was merely playing along to protect your blissful ignorance.

You knew then, that what you said didn't matter. Jihyun wouldn't believe he meant more to you than a simple passing attachment, that you still wished for his happiness above yours. But did it matter when he most likely felt the same? You never kidded yourself that it was love, but it was something, wasn't it? He made you feel less alone and you made him believe that his life was worth living, and that was enough to hold on to.

You buried your head into the crook of Jihyun's neck and he pulled you into a tight embrace, his arms warm and safe around you. You did not want to let him go—not that he had any other place to be.

It was you, it was always you.

Moths to a flame, the both of you.

-

Footnotes:

This story is a concentric catch-22 where every layer of the story is cyclical and no one can get out.

Both sides harbour an unhealthy obsession for the other, hoping that they could love themselves through this idealisation.

Light-related descriptions regarding Jihyun, his physical home, and metaphorical home—which is the reader whom he sees as a part of him—are a motif for the "moths to the flame" idea. The same applies to the reader's flowery narrative. They are both the moth and the flame.

I kept asking myself "is this too mean?" when I wrote this because it's Jihyun and I don't want to make a Rika 2.0. I wanted to give him someone with a softer personality than how I tend to write my MCs, someone who truly wants the best for him but is helpless from getting better. Someone who loves him the way they know how without deluding themselves that this is healthy.

Reader romanticised Galatea from Greek mythology but my personal favourite is the version by Madeline Miller titled "Galatea" where she breaks away from the obsessive Pygmalion. If you like Greek myth retelling, you should give it a try.

Youtube | Goodreads | Letterboxd | Pinterest

[fakeuwus]

UNDERSTAND | CHAPTER 18: hes MENstruating

warnings: mention of a period lmao, typos

prev | masterlist | next

MESSAGE FROM NIC: who would win in a fight chanelle or jihyun place ur bets now ‼️ hope u guys enjoyed, feedback and reblogs are appreciated alwaysssss love yall 🫶🏼

TAGLIST: @02zhoonie @myjaeyunn @shinrjj @justandloyal2961 @enhaz1 @quemirasboboandapaya @mrchweeee @in-somnias-world @stqrrgirle @heesbaby @dear-hoon @karinasbaby @sunjaywoning @jjhmk @en-happiness @sunsunl0ver @yenqa @fluerz @nicholasluvbot @enhypeniara @mari-oclock @randomperfections05 @astrae4 @cassie6392 @kwiwin @bbangricz @darly6n @kyanmeai @cheybabey @jiawji @luvkpopp @rory-cant-sleep @miujunhui @odisdad @luveuism @manooffline @hyehae @aloverga @stryroses @infpistj @fufubai @chaerybae @minghaosstuff @nyuzip @i-yeseo @vernonburger @haechansbbg @wtfhyuck @jiyeons-closet @catwalkerluv (removed a lot of ppl who couldnt be tagged!)

© fakeuwus 2024 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

[xelasrecords]

:D

15 FOR V I'm going to cry if I'm too late for this

Thank you for the request Xela! It's about time I wrote something nice and fluffy for V, it's been far too long. I hope I've done him justice here for you and you enjoy the fic <3

Finding excuses to be alone with each other

✦ V x fem!MC

✦ Words: 1198

Jihyun had spent a lot of time in that quiet cabin in the mountains trying to picture what his return to the RFA would look like. He had so many hopes and twice as many fears. Would his friends take him back, or are the things he did in the past unforgivable? Part of his growth in his time away was learning that he had to be okay with both answers, and that he couldn’t force forgiveness out of anyone.

When he was planning his and Saeran’s return, he had only allowed himself to hope for a warm welcome from Jumin and for forgiveness from the person he left waiting. She had filled his dreams nearly every night since he left, there was so much he wanted to tell her about his time away, he had so much to prove to her.

From the rest of the RFA, he only hoped to not be hated.

Imagine his surprise when they all surrounded him in surprise and excitement upon his return. He was the centre of attention, with two years’ worth of pent up curiosity and anticipation coming to a head all at once. There seemed to be no talk of hatred or resentment, even from her.

He hadn’t expected to only get a few minutes alone with her at that RFA party to say all that he had wanted to. She had started at him like he wasn’t quite real and he clasped her hands in his and tried to say things that could never express what he had been through in the past few years. All the growing he had done, the things he had learned, all the reasons he thinks he can actually be good for her now.

Then, everyone else descended upon them again, pressing glasses of champagne into his hand and asking him so many questions. Never mind, there would be more time later for them to talk properly.

He spent the rest of the night surrounded by more people than he had been around in years, accepting drinks and exchanging stories. Always craning his neck to make sure she was close by, pulling her into conversation at times. Everyone’s smiles had brightened somewhat, and the party was a stunning success for more reasons than one. 

The only thing that was bothering him was that he hadn’t gotten another moment to talk to her alone since their initial reunion. Everything he had wanted to say to her still sat on the tip of his tongue, desperate to spill out, only encouraged by the drinks he had been given. He wanted to explain himself, say everything his letters couldn’t possibly express. He wanted to hold her close for every warm memory of her that kept him going when he was away. He wanted to feel her breath on his skin and hear his name from her mouth so he’d know that it was all real.

He caught her eye as they were watching an animated discussion between Jumin and Zen unfold, and he was thrilled to find a glint of mischief there. He might have only returned a few hours ago, but he could read the frustration in her body language all too well. Every time someone new interrupted their conversations, she shifted impatiently from foot to foot. Now, she raised an eyebrow and her eyes darted quickly to the storeroom and back to him. It was all he needed to get the message.

A few seconds later, she slipped away from the conversation (which was quickly growing into an argument, with Yoosung and Saeyoung egging them both on) and disappeared behind the storeroom door. Nobody seemed any the wiser. Jihyun stuck around for a few more minutes before making a quick excuse (that fell on deaf ears) and joining her.

“Hi,” she says once the door is closed again. Here, her voice sounds smaller than it did out in the hall. She keeps looking at his face as if she’s internally adjusting a mental image. He supposes he looks quite different than he did a few years ago. So does she, after all.

“Hi.”

The space they occupy is a strange one. They are practically strangers who also happen to know each other better than anyone else. She may not know the way his smile is sort of crooked but she’d recognize his voice anywhere. She has lived in his house for the past two years and he sees her face every time he closes his eyes.

She’s standing with her back resting against the wall. He joins her, leaning against his arm and angling himself towards her. They fall into a soft conversation, their faces angled close to each other so they barely have to raise their voices above a whisper. They had gone over the pleasantries earlier, and now he wants to make steps to fill in the most urgent gaps that had formed during their separation.

Up close, she admires just how well their time apart had treated him. His skin has a healthy glow and his cheeks are fuller. His hair is shorter than it was when she last saw him, but it has the look of a haircut that’s on its way to being grown out. The sides flip over his ears and make him look a little scruffy, fitting for the trip he just returned from. The front is styled in a graceful swoop that falls into his eyes every time he leans towards her.

He's beautiful.

As they talk, the pieces start to fall into place. Despite everything that has changed, things still feel the same way they did two years ago. Something sparks between them, something that could grow into something more substantial, if they allow it to.

As he talks, she reaches out a hand to brush his hair out of his eyes. He freezes, momentarily surprised, but then he chuckles gleefully. The whole scenario feels ridiculous, the two of them sneaking to a back room, slowly putting the pieces of their relationship back together while hiding away like teenagers. It’s not the grand reunion he had pictured, it’s much more mundane than that, but it’s somehow so much better.

He leans back a little to shift his balance, but she playfully tugs at his collar, keeping him from getting too far. He follows, leaning in closer than he has dared to yet, until their foreheads are touching. His hand rests on the wall by her waist so he can support himself against the wall and still keep himself close.

Everything is so new but this closeness feels familiar, as if everything before was simply building up to this moment. Their faces angle to slot together perfectly without a second’s hesitation. He can smell her perfume and feel her breath on his skin and can almost taste her. Almost.

One of them – he isn’t sure who – closes the gap and they kiss.

It's better than forgiveness, it's better than redemption. It's a promise of something new, something better. It is as familiar as a song learned by heart and it's entirely theirs.

The party carries on without them outside, and they are none the wiser.

[talistheintrovert]

“I’ve waited long enough for you, I’m not interested in waiting anymore,” he huffed, but he didn’t fight it as Jaewon continued to kiss slowly up to his jaw, taking his sweet time with it like he was torturing him on purpose. It made Jihyun’s heart speed up and his eyelashes flutter and he wanted to stay in that moment forever.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jaewon said quietly underneath his ear.

just a little drabble based on that twenty second spoiler clip of jihyun pushing jaewon into bed, i've been thinking about it for weeks and i know it gets revealed tomorrow but also i have my own theory (a GAME theory) and i wanted to get it out there first

read it HERE!!

[lilias300yearhusband]

Here’s my updated rules list. Sorry if it looks bad I’m not good at design.

I WILL block any accounts that are blank or don’t have age in their bio if you interact with me and are under 18. I know you’ll probably read my content anyways but don’t interact if you do, I don’t want to know about minors reading my fics. If you lie about your age then it’s not my problem because it isn’t my job to parent you.

Any character that is under 18 will be aged up for fics. Any characters like Luke or Ortho who look and are treated as young kids will be platonic only and you will be automatically blocked if asked otherwise.

Who will I write for?

Obey Me -

Lucifer (submissive only)

Mammon

Leviathan

Satan

Asmodeus

Beelzebub

Belphegor

Solomon

Barbatos

Simeon

Luke (PLATONIC ONLY)

Mystic Messenger -

Zen/Hyun Ryu

Yoosung Kim

Jumin Han (submissive only)

707/Luciel Choi/Saeyoung Choi

V/Jihyun Kim

Unknown/Saeran Choi/Ray

Twisted Wonderland -

To me NRC & RSA are actually collages for talented mages and not a high school so I will write as such. First years are 19, second years are 20, third years are 21 and Leona is 23 (except for Malleus and Lilia). No joke I constantly forget they aren’t collage age😭

Heartslabyul

Riddle Rosehearts

Cater Diamond

Ace Trappola

Deuce Spade

Savanaclaw

Leona Kingscholar

Ruggie Bucchi

Jack Howl

Octavinelle

(I will not write Jade and Floyd together in a romantic or sexual setting)

Azul Ashengrotto

Jade Leech

Floyd Leech

Scarabia

Kalim Al-Asim

Jamil Viper

Pomefiore

Vil Schoenheit

Rook Hunt

Epel Felmier

Ignihyde

Idia Shroud

Ortho Shroud (PLATONIC ONLY)

Diasomnia

Malleus Draconia

Lilia Vanrouge (both NRC and general Lilia)

Silver

Sebek Zigvolt

Ramshackle

Grim (PLATONIC ONLY)

NRC Staff

(I will write platonic and romantic for both but the reader will be aged up and not the prefect if it’s romantic)

Dire Crowley

Divas Crewel

Mozus Trein

Sam

RSA students

Che’nya/Artemiy Artemiyevich Pinker

Neige LeBlanche

While he doesn’t show up in game I am willing to write for Prince Rielle because I love mermaids.

Others

Rollo Flamme

—————————————

What will I write?

NB/Male/Trans man/Trans masc reader

Trans masc characters

Top/Dom/Sub reader

Bottom/Dom/Sub character

Fluff

Angst

Smut within reason (I’m open to almost anything just look at what I won’t write)

What won’t I write?

Fem/Trans fem reader

Trans fem characters (I love my trans sisters but I don’t understand their experiences and don’t think I could write them well)

Bottom reader

Top character

Anything romantic/sexual with Ortho and Luke

Teacher/Student relationships

Anything nonconsensual (consent nonconsent and dubious consent is ok)

Piss or Scat

Vomit in a sexual context (non sexual is fine but it won’t be overly detailed)

Incest

Demoncest

Self harm or suicide (unless it’s canon)

Pregnancy

Diavolo or Ashton Vargas I hate these bastards

Trey Clover, I just can’t pin down his personality

Rollo being weird/creepy towards reader or being jealous because reader and Malleus