#jesus?

[extreme33337]

In the name of the father, the son and holy spirit. mood.

“Amen” Is the Primal Form Of “Mood”

[tiringwritings]

*throws up the table*

[screwderia]

charles with the 2024 suit looking pretty

[con-artist-dj]

I’m so invested in Viktor’s story this season. Bro is ascending to god hood and I’m here for it.

[poughkeepsies]

9-1-1 as The Onion Headlines (Part 2) (Part 1)

[chiefblossom]

jesus before being crucified and being put into the cave (colourised)

[leynaeithnea]

Just sang along "Buisness" from Paris the Musical and i accidently sang "I need a better reason to die than christmas" and now we know why Odysseus isnt...jesus?

[googleitlol]

This is a crack fic I wrote for a friend, be warned of the somewhat sexual content and the test to your sanity this may bring. I am so sorry. @tottybeanlove

Geno's Oreo

Geno stretches as he strolls into his kitchen, already in his muffin-themed pyjamas for the night. They are made from a sultry lilac silk that have been altered by one of Geno’s husbands, the pyjamas littered in muffins with little butter-berets and cute little faces. The muffins themselves are made of a cheap felt material, stapled to the shirt and pyjama pants.

The world’s #1 hater’s day has been a long one. Geno just finished up his 15 hour shift at Walmart; he counted a total of 8 lost children, 23 Karens, and 16 arguments between spouses in aisle 9 that resulted in divorce today. Thankfully, the day is now over and he can enjoy some rest at home. It’s a good thing he bought a special treat for himself earlier in the week.

Crouching down to a kitchen cupboard Geno knows is stocked with the the most mouth-watering of snacks, he opens it to find– the fuck? Where are they? He could have sworn he put them here, they were the first item on his grocery list yesterday! Geno even used his Super-Kawaii-Deluxe-Employee Discount of 0.05% off at Walmart. They haven’t even been opened yet, where could they have gone?

“Looking for something, Butter Muffin?”

Geno looks up to see his husband, the Six-Eared Macaque, perching atop the fridge like the gargoyle he is, a lazy grin on his face as he watches his precious Grass rise to his feet. “Why the fuck are you on the fridge??” Geno frowns, looking his smexy lover up and down with contempt.

Mahogany shrugs. “So your short-ass wouldn’t be able to reach me, Short-Ass.” Geno rolls his eyes over his lover’s antics. The two often teased one another with hateful words and unbridled rage, though they both knew their words were a simple mask over their uncontrollable lust for one another. Their other husband, Sun Wukong, would be having a good show tonight in bed. He also ordained their marriage, but that isn’t too important now. Not when Geno notices what’s in Macadamias’ hands. “Are– Are you eating my fucking oreos?!”

Macintosh glances down at the stack of oreos in his arms, and uses his tail to subtly brush away a few crumbs nestled in the corner of his mouth. They roll down his velvety fur, intricately weaving between each strand before landing on the top of the fridge. “…I didn’t see your name on them.”

“My name was on the fucking box!” Geno growls, and Macromole has to hold back from biting his soft, plump lips in reaction to the unadulterated attraction he feels in the moment. He has to remember that he won’t be able to do anything too visceral tonight, not while he carries his Snart-Fiffer’s unborn child.

Macho-Libre hums, his voice low and sensual. “I don’t see the box around here, Pookie-Stick, do you?”

“You took them out of the box!”

“You didn’t write your name on each individual one.”

“I shouldn’t have to, they’re supposed to stay in the fucking box!” Geno shouts, and Bear-Mace simply shrugs in reply before plopping a thick double-stuffed oreo in his mouth.

That’s the final straw, and before the One-Eyed Macrame can hear what’s about to happen, his lovely Oil Cheeks leaps up at him with the raw athletic power of Simone Biles jumping over Shaq. Geno manages to snatch Macrophage’s tail and yank it with him as he falls to the ground. Machinable barely has time to latch onto the fridge in order to stop himself from falling, his horde of cream-filled cookies scattering over the appliance and bouncing onto the floor where many of them break more violently than Bane breaking Batman’s back.

Geno clings to his hubby-zubby’s tail, and while his grip is strong (as Macaroni already knows), it isn’t strong enough for when the half-blind Shadow the Hedgehog begins whipping it back and forth in an attempt to shake him off, much like that one Taylor Swift song (Shake it Off is Taylor Swift, right?)

The shaking of his fat dumpy is enough to send his Kitten Whisker’s into orbit. However, seeing as they are both inside, Geno flies into the wall instead. The entire side of their kitchen snap, crackles, and crumples onto what one might consider a honey badger in human form, burying them in debris.

Mallory hops down from his safe-haven and rushes to what might have just become a crime scene. “Ranch? Are you okay, Biscuit Fart?”

A head pops out from the crumbled remains of the wall, much like the bulge in Macrofossil’s pants. “No, you threw me into a fucking wall!”

“Yeah, but like, are you hurt?” Macarena asks while turning away to start collecting whatever unbroken oreos he can find on the ground. After all, the five-second rule is still a thing fifteen seconds after food touches the floor.

Geno gives his lover a baffled look, half-wondering if he in-fact was more of a dumb-ass than he already believed him to be. “I CAN’T GET UP! THE FUCKING WALL CAVED IN ON ME!!!”

Macrobiotic’s ultra-hot-seductive voice makes a return as he hums, though it’s a borderline moan. Why would he be moaning at this? I don’t know, he’s a little fucked up. “Hmm… you should probably stay there, then. You don’t wanna move around too much and pull something, my Cutey-Hangnail-Toilet-Seat.”

“Screw you, jackass!” Geno seethes as Minnesota disappears into his own shadow before popping up beside his lover.

“I love you too, my Hubby-Wubby-Bubba-Boo.” He swoons before attempting to feed his Vanilla Wafer an oreo. However, his precious Parmesan refuses to eat it. Instead the creampie-sandwich sits on Geno’s face, over his air-tight sealed lips. Michegan really wants to devour those lips.

He refrains from doing so, instead stacking a few more oreos on his Sugar-Snot’s mouth before sharing a look of longing with him. Mariana-Trench looks at Sriracha-Sprinkler with a look of utter desire and lust while Geno himself glares with a look of unfiltered hatred. Truly, a match for the ages.

A wild Sun Wukong appears!

“Hey it’s me, Wukong!” He declares, not even taking steps into the kitchen. He just sort of slides into frame, I’m losing my sanity and this is becoming low budget.

Geno isn’t losing his sanity, he’s just tired of everyone’s shit. “SHUT THE FUCK UP, WUKONG!”

Both Wukong and Mac Miller gasp, a single diamond of a tear falling gracefully from the Great Sage’s face. “How could you?! I love you, Geno-Senpai!” He declares, dramatically placing a heartbroken hand over his chest while giving his lover the most chihuahua of puppy-dog eyes.

“If you love me, you’d get me back my goddamn oreos.” Geno scoffs, and the Monkey King looks between his lover, his other lover, and the oreos in his other lover’s gloves (Glove-rs? Donald Glover? Is this America?)

Due to the lack of budget, Wukong slides towards BigMac– the name he uses in bed– and robotically takes an oreo like the npc he is. He then places the oreo on top of the stack that is already on Geno’s face.

Trapped beneath the rubble of the wall, he can only glare at his husbands while plotting their murder (second murder, in Macaque’s case) “Jesus fucking Christ.”

In steps Jesus Christ, not sliding because the Son of the Holy Father is not constrained to simple things like budget. “You called?”

[trying-my-darndest]

Not really religious, but here's my favorite representation of Jesus in media:

This is from the movie 'O Auto da Compadecida', 2000, based off a few books by Brazilian author Ariano Suassuna, including one by the same name of the movie.

It's a very Brazillian story, and I think the name of it in English is 'A Dog's Will'? I don't really know.

Either way, very worth the watch, as well as the book is worth the read. One of the very rare occasions that I agree with the online reviews.

*This* is who I choose to imagine as Jesus. He just feels right. Real. Human, as much as he can be. And I know it can be just a preference (or not, I don't keep up with the religious discourse over Jesus's image) but to me, this is the best representation of who he is.

Also, look at the absolute icon that was the Devil in that movie. Absolutely marvelous.

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

I just got rejected from a job that's been open since March. It's been reposted twice and I meet all of their qualifications, all their "preferred" qualifications, plus I have two more years of experience in the field than they asked for. I thought I'd for sure get an interview at least.

What the actual fuck?

[sunnycanwrite]

Wtf a box of communion just arrived on my porch

[radiaking]

also i feel like. maybe someone should have a talk w/the 'coop/lucy are father/daughter coded' camp. like....r u??? guys??? okay????

[kiya-cannibal-bug]

ummm... I found this at a store...

this isnt to offend anyone- I just found it...

[sweatyjellyfishfestival]

I'm starting a new religion where as long as you are nice to the people who deserve it, you get to go wherever you want when you die