#jesus hotdog christ etc

[scare-ard--sleigh]

ajsjddhdh so i told my husband that joseph (chr*stiansen) gave me vasectomy vibes and he said he thought j was into breeding and we talked about it and i had to reckon with the conclusion that that hc only exists bc dadsona wanted it raw without risk and i as the author had to provide and couldn't think of anything else 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

[ittybittyfanblog]

Error 404: (Self-Aware!AU, Sylus Edition) – Pt. 2

Summary: A LADS self-aware!AU featuring Sylus and a–less–oblivious player. That’s it, that’s the plot. A/N: Ok, I’ve decided to make this by series, so this one’s just going to be purely Sylus. I hope nobody minds the specific names/places/etc. I wanted to create a personality for the “player” and add a bit of backstory work (loosely based on yours truly lol) for the sake of storytelling, but there won't be any distinct description of the player’s physical appearance <3 Tags: player!reader x sylus, fem!reader x sylus, reader x lads, self-aware!au, suggestive language, bouts of delusion

Pt. 1 - Pt. 2 - Pt. 3

Riiiiing– RiiiNGGGGG––

“Huh… whazat—?” 

A shrill – earsplitting, headache-inducing, completely fucking loud – noise wakes you up rather rudely from your peaceful slumber at… Jesus Christ, what time is it? 

You blink your bleary eyes open, once… twice–fuck, all you know that it’s too goddamn early for all this ruckus. Groaning, you clumsily try to find the source of the unexpected wake-up call – quite literally in this case. 

Your hand bumps the vibrating phone straight off the edge of the mattress – along with the charger cord still attached to it – and you cuss up a storm when you hear it clatter on the hardwood floor.

The ringing finally stops, and you’re perfectly content to just leave it there and fall back to sleep when, not even ten seconds later, the blasted thing rings back to life, taunting you awake. 

Angrily, you wrestle against the threadbare blanket wrapped around your body like a warm cocoon, pushing yourself out of bed with all the rage of a sleep-deprived insomniac who’s been up til the buttcrack of dawn to grab your—huh, relatively intact—phone off the ground, while the charger cable swings haphazardly from the weight of the power brick on its tail end.  

Without checking the caller, you swipe right to answer. “What?” 

“Don’t use that tone on me, young lady,” Your mother grouses on the other end of the line. “It’s almost noon! Did you just wake up?” 

Barely five hours of sleep. Pinching the bridge of your nose, you shut your eyes and sigh. “No, mom. Sorry, just had a late night,” you clear your throat in an attempt to sound more composed. “What’s up?” 

“Oh, dear. Is it because of work again?” Something akin to sympathy replaces the sternness in her voice, and you dread the all-too-familiar spiel that comes next. “You know, honey, there’s a job opening for a– what was it again? I have to double check, but it’s where your Auntie Helen works. You know your Auntie Helen—” 

“Mom,” you interrupt, before she could go off on a tangent. “Work is fine, don’t worry. Why d’you call?” 

“Should I need a reason to call my only daughter who's living by her lonesome, a country away from—” 

“Mom!” 

“Oh, alright,” she finally relents, sounding slightly exasperated. “Were you able to book me and Jodie the roundtrip flight to Orlando? Your cousin’s wedding is barely a month away and I want all the documents ready by now, sweetie.” 

Shit. “Ah— yeah. I’ll email you the flight itinerary in a bit, I’m just–” you catch sight of your protruding hamper, innocuous but an eyesore nonetheless, right by the doorway of your humble studio unit. “I mean, I just left the condo. To do errands and stuff. I’ll send the details to you when I get back home, okay?” 

“Okay, honey,” she sighs. “You stay safe outside now. Don’t talk to strangers.” 

“I am a perfectly responsible adult—” The call disconnects. “Hello? Great.” 

You rub away the remnants of sleep from your eyes, fully aware that your day’s already started, despite your reluctance. Might as well get a head start on today’s agenda.

First thing’s first– brunch. Oh, it’s almost one. Lunch, then. I could maybe grab a hotdog from the corner store before heading to Landers. Oh wait, your laundry– gotta pass by the laundromat downstairs, too. Ugh, c’mon, chop-chop. 

Just as you’re about to stand up from your supine position on the floor, another ping! pulls your attention back to your phone. 

“Mom, I swear–” 

Ah, you’re finally awake. You’ve had a very long night, kitten. Take it easy for the day – make sure to get enough rest between errands.

I’ll know if you don’t.  

Your heart skips a beat.

Oh! Um. That’s… new. 

… Apparently another one on the growing list of “new features” from the latest update. It doesn't sound like an invitation for you to open the game, strangely enough. It's not a call to action to claim your daily stamina, nor a prompt for you to check your Galaxy Explorer rewards. 

It’s nothing more than a greeting, really. Just one that’s particularly targeted at you, with unnerving accuracy.

You recall the weird (?) events from last night, and the now-erratic beating of your heart suddenly picks up a notch. From the unexpected dialogues to the outrageous amount of dias you’ve somehow ended up with—something you still think is some kind of glitch in the system—you can’t shake the feeling that you’re living out the plot of a Black Mirror episode, as fucking dumb as that sounds. 

Not to mention during Quality Time, Sylus_v2.0 (as you so lovingly dub this version of him in your mind) had been acting more aware of you.

And you’re not talking about the pre-programmed glances that you usually get. No– it’s like he actually hears you. 

He doesn’t say anything. But whenever you make a comment, or utter something under your breath, he reacts with a huff or a hum–depending on the context. If it’s a slew of expletives aimed at your boss, the reaction you’re met with is one of amusement. A snort; sometimes a quiet laugh, if you’re lucky. When you say something self-deprecating, however, it elicits the heavier sighs, the sharp clicks of the tongue. 

At one point, you heard him make a low sound of dissent, something close to a... growl, almost, after making a casual joke about being just another cog in the machine and how offing yourself wouldn’t really matter in the grand scheme of late capitalism. As you oft do. 

Your eyes met, and for a split second, it felt like you weren’t looking at just pixels. His gaze weighed heavy on you–almost accusatory. 

It made you feel… naked, somehow. Perceived. 

You recall how quickly you averted your eyes from his, face flushing hotly from a feeling you couldn’t put into words. 

Bone-tired from last night’s (morning) overtime, you didn’t have the time to look up the news on this recent version update – although you really don’t remember any notifications in-game – so you quickly Google, “sylus acting sentient in rcent update loveamd Deepspace???” on your phone browser.

You scroll down for a bit, but none of the search results yield any relevancy, nor are they in any way similar to your current… predicament. 

(Okay, so calling it a predicament is a little unfair. You’re not exactly complaining about anything per se. No complaints from you. At all.)

Deciding that you’d do a deeper dive on Twitter (X) at a later time instead – probably tonight when you do your daily login – you briefly press the side button to lock your phone… not without a final peek at the banner notification from Sylus. 

You press your lips together in an effort to hold back the stupid giggle bubbling in your throat. 

Unfortunately, all the self-control in the world can’t help you and your need to have the last word – girl, from what even – so you ask aloud, to no one except the person you've deluded yourself into thinking is a valid recipient of your one-sided conversation: 

“... Yeah? And what if I don’t?” 

You’re not really waiting for a response (or were you?), but the nervous flutter in your stomach betrays the impatience you're trying to mask with casual indifference. It’s small, unassuming– but there. 

Impatient for what, exactly, you’re not sure. But maybe, just maybe—

Feeling a bit braver now, are we? How bold. Care to say that to my face, sweetheart?

Oh. 

Oh.

An inhuman noise escapes your throat, embarrassingly loud, almost a keen, and you fumble with the device in your hand; the new banner notification still in full view—taunting you. 

You don’t know what to think, you don’t know how to feel. You–

Spring up, like an agitated jack-in-a-box, and the sudden rush of blood in your head leaves you dizzy. You’re a molotov cocktail of emotions; one more bombshell dropped on you and you might just blow. 

“I’m– later, okay? Uh,” Whew, girl, keep it together. “I need–I need to go.” You almost stumble as you speed walk towards the bathroom.

-

-

-

If you didn’t switch your phone to silent, didn’t make the conscious effort to ignore any incoming messages, notifications, and whatever else, in a rush to get dressed and go about your day as if it's just like any other weekend–nope, nothing unusual here–you would’ve seen one last cheeky reply:

Of course, sweetie. You take care now. 

Don’t talk to strangers. X

Endnote: This one's pretty short, but I’m world-building, trust. 

Thanks for reading! 

[dr-gloom]

Some thoughts/analysis on the new episode, because the video itself and people's reactions were bugging me

Disclaimers: I don't hate Patton or Roman, I'm not calling Patton abusive or manipulative, as those terms insinuate knowing what you're doing and I don't think Patton does know how he's coming across

- First I wanna just point out, as a few others have, that Thomas is once again wearing black and white while discussing a grey-area issue. I love the attention to detail

- The recap only really highlights that Thomas admitted to wanting something that contradicted Patton's statement of why he's a good person (or more specifically "perfect", which, as nice and friendly and lovely as that sounds, is a toxic mindset and I like that Thomas touched on that at the end), which is an interesting point to cover honestly, especially since later Thomas challenges Patton to call him a good person

- "Now kiddo, if you're gonna dish out Fs, why don't we make them friendly hugs?" I understand Patton was trying to lighten the mood and joke a little and all that, but he's not letting Thomas just... Be angry/upset. He's trying to control how he feels and steer away from negative emotions, which I thought he learned not to do??

- I love that Patton heard what he was saying and stopped. Good on him. But what he replaced it with is called guilt tripping and that's not much better. "I'm surprised you would say something like that about your friends. I always thought that when it came to your pals, that sort of language would be... Ineffable?" It may sound gentle and sweet, but he's still saying "you can't talk about your friends like that" (and I get it, we all know that's not how Thomas really feels, but again he needs to be allowed to express himself). You can tell from Thomas's face while Patton's talking that the guilt tripping worked, at least for a moment.

- Anyone else notice a little Logan shining through in Thomas's words/actions the first portion of the video?

- "If our goals aligned with his what would that say?" Uhmmm gee lemme think Roman... Maybe that you care about Thomas's mental health and desires???

- I think it's very telling that during the rap Thomas cuts Patton off right before he's about to say something that, judging from the graphics, was going to make him sound heroic and said "I made this choice", while looking very... Upset.

- Okay so when Thomas was all "why didn't I just talk to them???" I felt hella vindicated but the second time I watched I finally heard Roman say "I mean I kinda brought that up before but it got shut down faster than an Antarctic icepop shop". Like... Fuck, they seriously do not appreciate or listen to Roman at all

- Patton brushing them off with "Eh well hindsight is 20/20" pissed me off so much. No empathy whatsoever. Jesus Christ.

- Roman's reaction when Thomas said no to the whole future vision thing made me laugh and no one is talking about it

- But yeah Thomas talking about using foresight has a total Logan Vibe

- Patton's reaction when Thomas says "I made a decision with a blindfold on" is... Interesting...

- Seriously that cat analogy was so specific.....

- One should never base their decisions on "well they've helped me before so I owe them" like. No. Patton, Roman, stop. He should have decided to go because he wanted to, not because he owed it to them or you made him feel like shit

- "Those baby-making Catholics" lmfaooooo

- "You, thinking about giving their wedding a pass all because of a callback that, really, might not work out". That bugged me too, because it can just as easily be argued he gave up his big break for a wedding he barely participated during. If we're being completely logical here (and borrowing from a later concept of how our time is better used), his time would have been better-spent at the callback since he wasn't even mentally present at the wedding

- "Maybe they understand, and maybe they still want you to go to the wedding but feel too guilty to say so. Or, maybe you end up going to the wedding, and they feel guilty seeing you there because they feel like they took a big opportunity away from you". First off, they did (or would have, had the conversation taken place and they insisted he come). Secondly I personally feel like he owed it to them (and yes, I'm aware how that sounds but I can't think of better phrasing) to talk about it with 100% honesty on both sides, because now he's angry that he went to their wedding and they have no idea. Sure, the vid ends with them coming over to catch up, but if it hadn't? That's the kind of shit that festers very easily. I feel like he'd have been more satisfied if he had still decided to go after talking with them. I think Thomas realizes this too when he responds to Roman's question with a very sure, very adamant "No."

- "This was our chance to be there for them when it counted". I know this is me reading into things but it felt like he was saying anything else he may have done for them doesn't matter or isn't good enough

- "Why does their complexion matter" LMFAOOOOOO omg roman

- "... We can all agree that you're a good fellow-" "Can we? All agree on that?" Like fuck, Thomas still isn't sure what Patton thinks of him? That cuts deep. And... Patton still hasn't apologized. He conceeded that he's "been a bit much", which is far from the same thing

- pfffft what the fuck was Roman trying to do???

- "Well that's a relief... I think". Meaning Thomas still isn't fucking sure where Patton stands. I have to admit his dialogue did sound a bit circuitous

- he almost said GameStop lmfao

- why is he fixating so much on frogger

- "At least 16 graphics!" I died laughing

- "By the liquid lipstick of William Shakespeare" wut the fue? Lmao

- "just like you don't have to get him a hotdog" "I feel like you kinda do... Maybe". I know Janus says it later on but he was right when he said peppering in a few "I don't know"s and "maybe"s does not a conversationally-conscious person make. Like, he didn't even add the maybe until Roman reacted negatively to what he was saying

- I'm surprised Logan said it'd be wrong for Thomas to keep his money to himself tbh

- Roman mouthing "behoove". Like, c'mon dude, stop being such a dick to Logan when he's just trying to help

- Logan's so done he's not even trying to hide it. Like you can see the annoyance clear on his little pixelated face

- Also did anyone notice that Logan kept getting cut off so the next time he "spoke" he made them read it aloud so they'd actually fucking listen

- "Yeah! As long as that's not the main reason you're doing it!" Honestly though, most people do good things for their own benefit; tax benefits, That Good Feeling, compliments from others etc. It doesn't diminish the effect of the good act, so who cares?????

- "You shouldn't do a good thing just because it makes you feel good... I-I think." He's trying so hard but he's just not understanding how this works is he. Also it's interesting that he preaches holding to your values and not nitpicking situations yet he's literally doing it right now because last time he just... Needed to counter Janus and couldn't admit he'd had a fair point

- "Deceit said you'd be doing the right thing for a selfish reason if you did it for your own emotional gain". You can tell by his tone he's trying to make Thomas see Deceit as wrong and bad but like literally two seconds later he audibly confirms he feels the same way

"Definitely! Maybe... I think so... What do you think?" Tbh I'm proud of him for asking someone else's opinion, esp cause he's screwing this up so horrendously

- man if Roman being scared to share his opinion after Patton visibly disagrees isn't a huge red flag idk what is

- the world of the video game is called AU I'm screaming

- I'll always be salty that Roman once again shoved a "dark side" into the villain roll without asking

- I don't agree with Patton automatically assuming that just because the hero wants a reward, it means he doesn't care about the people he saves getting it. People can have multiple motives and wanting recognition isn't bad or evil or selfish

- I'm so fucking glad Thomas snapped and asked "am I not allowed to feel good if I do something good" because that's basically what Patton's saying and no one was addressing it. And Patton saying that can't be a valid motive is honestly fucked up

- during the trolley problem the options toggle the most between morality, anxiety, and denial. Idk, it's just interesting

- it's also interesting that Patton views moving the trolley as worse than letting it stay, meaning he thinks small active murder is worse than larger, passive murder. Not bad or good or anything, just interesting

- I hate hate hate that Patton silences Logan when he's the one who asked him to say something, especially since he follows that with "oh you can't really learn good morality from a book hahahaha". Like dude just acknowledge that you don't agree but there are other valid points of view, my god

- also you can tell from the color that Janus totally put that skip button in, meaning Logan really, really wanted to continue but Janus could see it wasn't going to get them where they needed to go

- "stu-ooper dooper unique mustache" lmfaooooo

- Thomas keeps coming back with something along the lines of "I need the answer to X so I can meet your expectations". He even says "I don't understand what I need to change so I can meet your standard". Last time I did a post like this, back when SvS came out, I said Patton has too much sway/control over Thomas, and he still does. Thomas doesn't try nearly as hard to "meet the standards" of his other sides, but in this instance he's desperate to know how he can appease Patton. I don't think that's necessarily a good thing, given that it's likely because he wants Patton to say without hesitation that he's a good person

- Roman thinks he's the problem I wanna cry

- "And I'm an awful driver" I laughed so hard

- "I only mean well when I say that that is the stupidest thing you have ever said" I can't stop laughing XD

- "You're just blowing smoke" seriously someone help me

- Roman's reaction when Thomas says he feels guilty just killed me. They all just acknowledged that Roman is his motivator and Thomas comes out and says his motives make him feel guilty? Ouch

- "Doing nothing is even worse!" Patton honey I'm begging you to please stop talking omg this is going so poorly

- "doing nothing is worse than doing a good thing for the wrong reasons" first off, who's to say what a wrong reason is, and secondly, that's an interesting take from the man who refused to move the trolley 👀

- oooof Thomas's relief when Logan cuts in though

- "Huuuuuhhhh I do need help" fuck, I wanna cry, poor Thomas

- "Logan, like you said this isn't your area of expertise" ITS NOT YOURS EITHER ROMAN OMG

- "Every point you've made in today's discussion has contradicted that sentiment" YES LOGAN JANUS SLAY. Also anyone else notice Patton looking to the others for validation because I Sure Did

- oh man though I thought Logan was finally getting the chance to lay into Patton and take him down a peg and it turned out to be Janus

- "Oh, is it not? Please, correct me if I'm wrong." yeah paTTON CORRECT HIM IF HES WRONG (notice how he doesn't even have an argument to that, all he can say is "you're wrong!")

- honestly the way he goes from 0 to 60 should've tipped us off that that was Janus

- I wanna know if Patton turned into a muscular frog irl

- idk Patton feels like a villain when he's all "Thomas you choose!"

- "What have you done with Logan?!" "Nothing at all and I resent the question" weeeeeelp there goes loceit

- even Janus admits Patton is misleading unintentionally can we all calm down now

- I find it interesting that Thomas willingly stays behind Janus

- "Sure if he's in that kind of situation then of course he should focus on himself. But does he deserve it? I don't know." *Record scratch* excuse me wHAT?????? And like, you can't ignore the obvious symbolism behind that attack missing Janus and hitting Thomas. Thomas is knocked out and Patton just ... Keeps talking? Jesus fucking christ

- and Roman so adamantly attacking Janus has a very pre-AA vibe to it

- "Not that any of you care, but I am unharmed, and I don't want to talk about it." Thomas looks like the only one genuinely concerned when he says this and that hurts

- Janus looks so happy that Logan's backing him I wanna cry my baby aaaaaaa

- SOMEONE FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGED THE CHOICE ROMAN MADE AAAAAAA THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU can we stop acting like Janus is evil now please

- "Well when is it enough?!" ".... Trees?" I'm STILL LAUGHING SOMEONE HELP ME

- I'm so fucking happy Thomas doesn't agree with Roman about trusting Janus

- Roman laughing and saying Janus's name is stupid and Janus's jab about him and Remus just... Gutted me y'all. Thems some hurt boys. And he looks to Thomas and Patton and they just... Can't side with him, cause they know that was hella fucking rude of Roman.

- I genuinely believe that Janus's nod meant Thomas was telling the truth. Based on his facial expression (which was slight but idk I notice more stuff than most people apparently???) He was trying to reassure Roman. And Roman just... Took it the completely wrong way, because he still thinks all Janus does is lie. When Roman says "wow, I can't believe this" you can actually see Janus's smile disappearing, because he realizes Roman took the nod the wrong way

- aaaaand then he immediately goes into attacking Janus. *Sigh*

- "Everything's gonna be okay, kiddo. We love you." "*Scoff* Right." I truly believe the next video is gonna be about Roman, because there's no way in hell they could ignore the obvious hurt and self-deprecation coming off of Roman

- "Janus? Is there a limit to how many times a person can say sorry before you have to admit that they're just bad for you?" Patton was talking about himself. Whether Janus was trying too hard to be witty and missed that or what, his reply hurt Patton, and you can see that Janus realizes his mistake with Patton's reaction. We have to remember that this isn't a side who's used to how the others communicate, though. He doesn't spend time with them outside of the few videos he's shown up in because of how they treat him. It's gonna take him time to get the little things like this and until then there's gonna be a lot of hurt feelings and (hopefully) apologies

- Janus immediately backtracks once he realizes what the real question was and says "... it depends... How many things have they had to apologize for? How frequently do they have to apologize for things? How terrible were the things that they did? One of the biggest factors in my very humble opinion is whether or not they seem to be making an honest effort to do better" this is Janus trying to tell Patton "you aren't bad for Thomas. I see how hard you're trying. It's okay"

- you can totally see Janus realizing why Patton fights him so hard while Patton is explaining how hard shit's gotten as Thomas grows up

- "Janus?" "I'll take care of him" y'all I need the tissues

- Janus trying to lighten the mood with the whole push-someone-down-the-stairs thing just... Made me die laughing. Y'all know he's hella good at April fool's pranks okay? Okay

- "You're not stuck with an evil snake boy, you're just stuck with a snake boy" HES SUCH A DORK I LOVE HIM

- I reacted the exact same way to Thomas saying Janus was right omg

Again, I'm not saying I hate any of the characters, this is just a stream-of-consciousness analysis-and-commentary-type post on the new episode

[vvatchword]

Rise of the TMNT thoughts

Y’know, I think Rise of the TMNT is funny as hell--I’ve actually laughed out loud several times--but for the most part I just... don’t care? I kind of hate myself for not caring. It’s smart, it’s well-animated, I love the variety of human beings it represents, it’s VERY well-animated, and I LOVE the reinterpretations of the characters and their world, as well as the allowance of... growth, shall we say? Like, this is “RISE” of the TMNT. It’s about the process. I love that. That was probably the best part of 2012 until it went on overlong. I feel like Rise learned that lesson. Sooo much capacity for story-telling, so many players, minor and major. Good shit. Good fucking shit.

The only thing is: Rise is so madcap that you can’t take any of it seriously. ANY OF IT. And that’s both good and bad. Where it’s bad is that I just can’t take any drama in it seriously. Ever. With other variations, it was easy for me to see where someone could insert tears, ugly breakups, romantic interludes, etc. In this version, I’m like, these assholes have never felt true sorrow in their lives. Except for Splinter. Splinter is REALLY FUCKING SAD. But it’s an undercurrent. Everything serious is an undercurrent. Even the familial attachments between characters is... too quick? Too easy?

I also hate how Leo is apparently NOTHING again. I’ve written about how annoying this is in the past, and I’m more than willing to give them time to show him in a good light, but goddamn, they took away his talent at ninjitsu only to make him literally the worst. Raph is a brute on the battlefield, Don is a fucking genius, Mike is a fantastic gourmand and an artist, and Leo wisecracks to fill up the void inside. Jesus motherfucking Christ.

Again. Both good and bad. When I was a wee sprogget I saw all kinds of drama in 1987 TMNT that, in hindsight, was utterly composed by me and me alone. 1987 TMNT is the equivalent of a cheap hotdog. The kind filled with sphincter meat. 

So, I guess what I’m saying is this: Rise is made for kiddos, and the kiddos will ABSOLUTELY eat this up, enjoy it, and see lots of drama in it that only they can see. That truly makes me happy. It’s just that... where are the fine cuts for ME, man?

[jesbakescookies]

Too Hot To Handle: Chapter Forty-Six

Sorry for the late update! I'm the worst but here you go. Happy Holidays everybody! 

So I kinda wrote a different kind of fanfiction. It’s nothing as in depth as my other fics so I am going to post it here. ENJOY!!***Actor, Real Person Fanfiction, Walking Dead RPF***Featuring: Jeffrey Dean Morgan X Original Female Character, Norman Reedus and others.. (FYI this is total fiction, as in I know nothing about JDMs life or that of his real SO and son etc. Because of this, for this work of fiction, they don’t exist. Jeffrey’s been a typical actor playboy dating fellow stars etc. This is written for sick daydreaming pleasure.)

Aria St. James is a busy woman with a thriving restaurant. She thought she had everything she needed until a few famous faces visit her dining room. A tall, dark and handsome actor decides Aria’s just what he’s been looking for.

Rating: Mature : NSFW **dirty dirty**

Find Too Hot To Handle Master Chapter List Here

"Holy fuck."

"I know."

"I mean, Ho-lee fuck."

"I know, man."

"Holy fuh-ck." "Jesus Fucking Christ, Reedus. If you say those two words again, I will throttle you stupid through this phone." Jeffrey growled into the screen while facetiming his best friend. Scoffing loudly, Norman lit a cigarette and took a long drag before point the stick at him. "Are you fuckin’ with me?" "No man. Why would I be fucking with you about Aria having my kid?" "You're a weird fucker, who knows why you do half the fucking shit you do?" "Fuck off." Huffing out a amused laugh, Jeffrey countered, "You're the one who owns a closet full of mascot costumes." "Those are for scientific research." Norman drawled lazily, his smile crooked. "Yeah into how beast meets man." Jeffrey joked, his gruff words making the other man barking out a laugh. Chuckling for awhile, Norman finally drawled, "So, I'm gonna be an uncle huh?" "Fuck yeah, you are. Excited?" "Hell yeah." Norman’s grin was genuine, his eyes bright as he added, "Fucking crazy, brother. It's awesome." "Goddamn right it's awesome." Jeffrey exclaimed, his eyebrows raised animatedly, "l’m old as fuck and my big dick still works."

Without missing a beat, Norman offered, "Could be the milkman’s kid." "Shut your mouth." Jeffrey growled, his territorial side flaring. “You’re just a jealous fuck. I doubt your beaver basher gets hard enough to knock someone up.” “Fuck you, man. Only reason my loins aren’t pumping out spawn all over Georgia is the titanium rubbers I buy from Japan.” “Sure it ain’t the fact your pea shooter is out of ammo?” “Hell no, the tanks are full in my mayo shooting hotdog gun, brother.” Snorting, Jeffrey drawled, “fuckin’ idiot.” "Yeah, yeah. Hey, we should do a party. Like one of those baby showers but for everybody. The cast and shit." "Alright, yeah. Let me talk to Aria, she might wanna wait on telling everybody just yet." "No worries, we got time." "Fuck no man, this time next year and I'll have a kid in my lap." "That's so fucking insane, dude. Like... holy fuck!" "That's it asshole!" "Okay, okay, okay." Norman laughed as Jeffrey scowled into the camera. "How's she doin'?" "Good... well puking all the time and exhausted but that's pretty average with our schedules. Now that she can't have coffee, she's losing her shit." Jeffrey grinned, thinking of that morning as Aria cursed herself blue in the face, while he sipped his morning cup of joe. "We have a few doctor appointments to go to soon, we're tryin' to get them in before filming on the show starts again." Norman smirked, "well fuck, man. Seriously, I'm happy for you. You'll be an awesome fucking dad." "Hell, I'm just hoping to survive the pregnancy. I can't even begin to think about when the sucker comes out." "You should probably start. It'll be here before you know it." "Gee, thanks for freaking me the fuck out, asshole." "You're welcome." Norman retorted with a sly grin. "So, what do you want, a boy or girl?" Jeffrey swallowed thickly at the question, the idea still so fresh that the prospect of either seemed overwhelming. If he had a son, he'd be responsible for what kind of man he'd become. Aria would of course play role in that but he would be the male role model. The idea was daunting. However, having a daughter didn't seem any less stressful when thinking about protecting a little girl. Jeffrey couldn't imagine what it would be like to keep a daughter safe in a world full of men. "Both sound stressful as fuck." Jeffrey replied after contemplating it. "Either way I'm responsible for how another person turns out in the world." "Son would be pretty cool though. Can you imagine the shit he would get into havin' you as a dad? Shit, he'll be a little hellion." Norman chuckled as Jeffrey cringed. "Shut up, dude." "Then if you got a girl, Jesus can you imagine having to keep the boys away? Fuck, think about how it was as teenagers, fucking little pricks looking for any girl to say yes." "You're not fucking helping me, Reedus." Seeing Jeffrey begin to lose it, Norman couldn't seem to help himself. "Then, what if she looks like Aria. Holy fuck, you'll actually need to keep Lucille on hand, brother." "Stop speaking." "I mean, if your daughter looks like Aria, you'll be beating the fuck out of guys constantly." "I swear to fuck, I called you to give you the good news and get some kind of fucking support and all you're doing is freaking me the fuck out and pissing me the fuck off." Jeffrey growled, while pulling out a cigarette and lighting it. "Alright, alright. Look, whatever it is, you'll love it and they'll love you. Besides, you'll have Aria helping you. That woman can do anything, you've said so yourself." "Yeah." "She'll figure this shit out and be bossing you around in no time." Norman joked. Chuckling at the statement he replied, "probably right." "Fuck yeah, I'm right. I'm always right." "Don't press your fucking luck, dumbass."

Aria tapped her fingernails along the tabletop, waiting for Megan to sit down after grabbing their drinks. "Since when do you drink tea?" Megan huffed, setting down the paper to go cup in front of her containing chamomile with honey. "I like tea." "You love coffee." "Yeah well..." Aria shrugged before a smirk curled her lips. "I can't drink coffee right now." "What? Why-" Megan started before her eyes became huge. "Holy shit!" "Don't scream it." Aria muttered, leaning forward to speak quieter. "Holy shit." Megan mocked whispered. "Stop freaking out. This is why I didn't want to tell you in a public place, we can't let it get out just yet." "Why?" "Well, for one. It's private. I like my privacy. Second, what if something happens?" Aria confessed, her eyes dropping away. "Nothing's gonna happen." "You don't know that and stuff happens all the time, I'm not immune to it." "Okay, okay." Megan huffed before smiling so widely. "I can't fucking believe it. You're gonna be a mom." Aria smiled as Megan whispered the last word but bounced in her seat excitedly. "Yeah." "This is so awesome. Oh my god, what if it's a little girl? That will be so cute, she'll be a daddy's girl for sure. If it's a boy, he'll be so damn handsome, just like his father." "You're obsession with my husband's good looks in disconcerting." "Honey, you're just going to have to get used to it." "Um yeah, I'm noticing." Aria muttered but smiled as her friend laughed. "This is amazing. I can't wait to help you shop for maternity clothes and then baby stuff. Holy shit, I need to start planning a shower. Oh my god, I can get those cupcakes you love and have them do a sex announcement. You know, like pink or blue centers. That'll be so cute." "Megan." "And then we can figure out nursery themes, like what animal you wanna use. You could always go the yellow and green route if you want it to be a surprise." "Megan." "I think that's weird though, I'd like to know what to plan for you know. A niece or a nephew, it's important information so I can plan ahead." "Megan!" "What?" "Calm down. You're stressing me out. I'm trying to reconcile the fact that there's a person growing inside me. I can't focus on paint color's and cupcakes." "Okay, okay." Her friend sighed with a dreamy look. "I'm just so excited." "Yeah, I can tell." Aria replied dryly, her eyes rolling at her friend’s wide smile. "Are you happy?" "Very." Aria answered immediately, her lip bitten and eyes prickling slightly. "I'm terrified but... so damn happy." Megan reached over the table to pull her into a hug and murmured, "I'm so happy for you. You're going to be an amazing mom." "I don't know, I didn't really have the best role model." "Just do the opposite of what they did. You'll be fine, you have an amazing husband who will take care of you and actually help with the kid. Is he excited?" "He's so damn happy and excited he can barely stand to keep from screaming it from the rooftops." "I bet, the big dumb lug." Megan laughed, her eyes playful as she whispered, "I can't believe you're having Jeffrey Dean Motherfucking Morgan's kid." "Me neither." Aria murmured, her eyes brightening as she pondered the strange turns her life had taken in the last year. She married a man who had become the center of her world and now she carried his child, soon to be the center of both their worlds. Never in a million years would she have seen herself where she was right then, nor would she trade it for anything in the world. "It's just... surreal."

Find Chapter Forty-Seven Here:

http://jesbakescookies.tumblr.com/post/168360013281/too-hot-to-handle-chapter-forty-seven

I started posting this fic over on AO3 also. I will probably post in both places since I’m still figuring out AO3 formatting etc.

Let me know if you’d like to be tagged for updates. I’ll try my best to remember!

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[kmp78]

Christmas fest in Budapest 🇭🇺

Okay, first things first: 

sadly but not surprisingly the ripple effects from last year´s massacre in Berlin were clearly visible: the Budapest Christmas markets were surrounded by concrete blocks and ever-present police officers were packing not just tasers and hand guns, but also actual machine guns! 

I gotta say, it makes Christmas spirit a bit harder to come by when you have an Uzi in your line of sight at all times... 😔😨

But, it is what it is and all we can do is look forward to better times!  

If you are looking for a budget-friendly, extremely well-located, spotless AND FABULOUSLY NAMED hotel in Budapest, you need not look any further than...

Ehe. 😁

When I was surfing the net for accommodations and came upon this gem... Well, it was a done deal at that point!

The only thing that annoyed me were, shockingly, other tourists! I´m sorry all you Russians out there but I have to say it: learn some ferkin´ manners, Jesus Christ! Is Vladimir banning all citrus fruits from your country or was it just plain greed and nastiness that drove one of your countrymen to dip elbows deep into a bowl of lemons and shove them in his pockets?! Like... really? Couldn´t leave just one for my tea? Not that I would have wanted it anyway, what with his disgusting bare hands having groped them... Sick. 😠

Also the Brits sitting next to me were at their best (?) behavior and judged absolutely everything in sight. Apparently “this English breakfast isn´t proper English”.

Well... DUH! You ain´t in good ol´ Blighty now, guvnor! Suck it up! You can munch on your bangers and mash back home!

And fun fact: almost directly across from our hotel was... 😒

Mom´s comment when she saw these:

“Oh my, those pants are way too short! That looks so stupid! What kind of man would want to wear those?!”

I just wept in silence. She does not need to know. 🙊

MOVING ON!

Some local treats: the Hungarian KFC (shut up) offered something I had never seen nor tasted before called a “Qurrito box” which consists of a semi-Mexican style burrito thingie with chicken and rice and all that good stuff inside - it was really good! 😋

In some more non-fast foody selection, the markets had plenty of amazing and curious offerings!

An interesting observation about the Christmas markets in Budapest: they are very different from their counterparts in Berlin and Vienna etc. in the sense that here the stalls are very “down to earth” and not at all “mass production-like” as they tend to be in bigger cities. 

The goodies and crafts for sale were a lot more personal and homely, which I absolutely adored!

They utilize pine cones, dried fruits, vegetables, meats etc. in all imaginable ways with amazing results! 😍

If air travel wasn´t such a god damn hassle these days and bringing liquids on-board wasn´t a capitol offence, I so would have bought those pickled jalapeno/cabbage/paprika kitties! Look how cute, @ginie62! 😍

And yes, the markets were as picturesque as I had hoped for! 👌

Something that no decent Christmas market could ever be short on: BOOOOOOZE! ☕

To balance out all that drinking, you have to get some filler for your tummy as well, and when in Hungary you absolutely have to go for the most traditional Hungarian food of them all: goulash!

Really tasty and cheap! And on a chilly winter day, it also warms you up inside so win-win! 👌

If goulash does not tickle your fancy, you could try another local treat called lángos which is deep-fried dough topped with whatever you fancy, basically. Could be savory or sweet, anything goes!

I went for sour cream and grated cheese. YAS!

On another day I tried a lángos which was wrapped up in burrito-style, with salami, onions and cheese inside - yet another success story! 👏

And for dessert you have to sample another Hungarian delicacy: chimney cake!

It´s basically a wheat coffeebread which is first rolled around a mold and roasted over an open coal fireplace...

... and then while it´s steaming hot (aka steam rises from the center, making it look like a chimney!), it is rolled around in an assortment of flavoring options, such as cardamon, chocolate, cinnamon etc.

I went for the basic and traditional option aka cinnamon and sugar! Yumz! 👍

And for @kweenbeyass who might want to add Budapest to that bucket list: you´ll be happy to hear that they are extremely tourist-friendly over there! For example, on their main tram lines they have clearly marked all interesting sights along the way (in English) and indications where you have to get off! Very handy indeed! 😉

And any English language help you can get will be a plus, because the language is...

Yikes. 😨

And speaking of traveling: did you know that Budapest has the world´s 3rd oldest metro system? It dates back to 1896, and while it may not look like it belongs in the 21st century...

... I can assure you that it works like a charm! We never had to wait for more than 3 minutes for the next train! Sometimes I did almost wish we did have to wait around a bit longer because the stations were so adorably quaint!  😍

Another fun activity I always enjoy while abroad is lurking around the local grocery stores for all sorts of weirdness, and Budapest did not disappoint in that regard!

Gyros chips? Cheeseburger chips? Hotdog & ketchup chips? Pizza chips?

WHAT?

And this banana has got to be 11 and then some inches...

Ugh. 😵

The Market Hall is also worth checking out, if not for anything else then simply for the vibes of yesteryear. You can really sense the Soviet era still.

Fun fact: they had a random scale screwed to a wall which we could not figure out the purpose for, until we saw that people who had just purchased their potatoes and peas and whatnot marched over to that scale and measured what they had just bought aka they made sure the seller had not screwed them over with the weight of their produce! I guess not all people can be trusted...

And for any communist enthusiast, there were lots of trinkets on offer...

While in town, I discovered they had a Titanic exhibition which I naturally wanted to check out since Leo is my friend-in-law through six degrees of separation from Daddy-o and all.

They had built replicas of the cabins for the richies and the poor folks...

... and had actual items salvaged from the wreck itself! Whoa!

Budapest is also “littered” with fun and curious statues, like this little fella who I met alongside the Danube river.

This guy here had the best business idea! He juggles and entertains in front of cars who are waiting at the red light, and then before the light turns green he takes his hat off and does a quick round from car to car, collecting donations for the little show he put on! Genius! 👏

And while Bucharest may be the “official” residence of Count Dracula, Budapest also boasts some eerily majestic castles.

A nighttime activity you absolutely HAVE TO experience is a trek up to the Fisherman´s Bastion. Holy bejeebus, the views are... yes I will say it... INCREDIBLE. 👀

The Parliament House is also worth a closer look!  🤩

But please do be careful when trekking around after dark as the surrounding park is very poorly lit and there are dangerous steps and ledges all over - we had a near-catastrophic incident which luckily only resulted in a banged-up lip and bruised knees. 🙁

All in all, I can recommend Budapest as a vacay destination to anyone who is looking for a little taste of old time glory and ascetic vibes mixed with modern day comforts and conveniences! 👍

[scare-ard--sleigh]

in an effort to not be laying here thinking about succession i am in fact thinking about the dream daddy robert/joseph mess,,, mwahh ,