#like i know he deserves some of it but that sucks so much!!! he dug himself into that damn grave!! and what can he possibly do to get out

[placeinthemiddleofnowhere]

Reign down on me - Part 8

Pairing: Ghost x Hybrid!reader (eventual poly!141)

No use of y/n or mention of gender/race

Summary: Reader is a wolf hybrid in a world that treats them like second class citizens, given a horrible start in life after being thrown into the military with no preparation. After years of struggle, they're finally taken away from their base by Ghost, now a permanent member of taskforce 141 reader struggles to come to terms with the fact that perhaps there's a life there for them - if only they reach out and accept it.

Warnings: hurt/comfort, Angst, abuse mentions, self doubt, violent scenes

A/N: So this is kind of a Part 1 of a whole chapter because i wanted to give you guys something. So the next chapter will have a bit more going on, hope you enjoy this for now! Excited for any comments or theories you guys have about what's going to happen 💕

-🐺-

The major opened the door slowly and then gently closed it shut behind him, sparing a quick glance at you before he walked over to Price’s desk with only a few long strides. He was a tall man with gleaming shoes and a pristine uniform to match, his red hair combed back neatly on top of his head. You took in everything, your breathing almost slowed to a stop while you waited for the news. Only when he sat down at the uncomfortable wooden chair in front of Price did he speak. 

“Before I start, I want to say that I know you’re a busy man and that your team are integral to many ongoing operations that are running. However,” the major paused, his accent thickly weaving his words. “After the incident outside your hallway with Second Lieutenant Smith, I’m afraid to say that I must ask you to carve out some time for me.”

Price laughed at that. Not a warm chuckle or a dark little rumble, like you were used to hearing over comms or during training. This was one of disbelief, the little glinting breaths coming through like warning shots. 

“I’d hardly call that an incident, Major. A silly boy decided to test my hybrid and got exactly what he deserved. There ain’t much more to it,” Price grunted.

He straightened his back and leaned over his table, appearing every bit as menacing as you imagined he could be. The way his eyes appeared to darken below his tilted heavy brow were enough to send even you gulping - and you were the one he was defending. The Major didn’t seem to react however, he wasn’t cowed by the show, he merely sniffed and set his own arms on the desk. 

“Ordinarily I’d agree with ye, Price, you know I would. That wasn’t just any boy though, his da’s some parliamentary arsehole and he wants atonement.”

That gave Price pause.

You sucked in a breath and dug your fingers into the couch cushions, feeling the fabric strain and almost give way under your claws. The shaking started seconds later. You were going to be punished after all. 

Who would do the whipping, you wondered, I don’t want it to be any of the boys, definitely not Ghost. A small whine escaped your throat at  the thought of that before you could cram it down. Ghost was supposed to be safe. The idea that he’d be the one looming over you and raining down pain on your back left your throat feeling crushingly tight. 

“You’re not laying a finger on my wolf, do you hear me?” Price said, his voice so low he might as well have growled at the Major. 

His. The way he said it was so possessive compared to the way you normally heard that, the way that Ghost usually said it. Ghost’s good Pup. His sweet thing. Price said that you were his with all the ferocity of a wild animal. Like something was threatening to drag you off into the unknown. 

“Look I’m not gonna bullshit you here. I tried insisting on something like committed service hours, guard duty or sniffing - that sort of thing. He wasn’t going for it. The problem isn’t so much with what the hybrid did - it’s your Lieutenant he wants to prove a point to most of all. He wants Ghost to know he can’t get away with insulting his family.” 

“So what? He wants Ghost punished?” Price snorted, tilting his chin up in challenge. “You gonna string him up to the post and all are ya?”

The major sighed deeply and rubbed his brow. 

“No ones getting strung up, don’t jump to conclusions. He said that he wants the hybrid locked down for a week, they’re to be placed with the Smith boy’s squad and kenneled, only to be removed should a mission arise where the hybrid’s presence is essential…now, before you go thinking that you can conjure up some kind of week long escapade, he explicitly stated the sentence is to pause while away and resume on return.”

I’d rather be whipped bloody, you thought. The exact thing you were afraid of was coming to fruition. You were to be stripped of what you’d come to love and return to your old way of life, worse still was the thought that you didn’t even know what the kennels were like in your new base, didn’t know if they could extend your stay which would often happen at Branhaven. There was every chance you could be stuck with that horrible bastard indefinitely. Ghost had made a point of letting you know that he never intended on punishing you like that, that you wouldn’t while away your hours in a dingy cell block, or be made to face a post ever again. 

The memory of him settling his hand on your shoulder and squeezing ever so gently as he explained his approach to discipline was so strong, you almost felt his spirit lingering there beside you. He’d said he wouldn’t ever put you out in the cold or whip you unless his hand was forced, and even then he insisted he’d fight whoever threatened you. 

Would he fight a major? A politician?

“This is bullshit,” Price scoffed, smacking his hand off his desk and making you jump. “Hobbling my team because his little brat got slapped around is pathetic! What next? Would he like to bend Ghost over while he’s at it? Really, Major, this is a farce.”

“It is, aye. Exactly what happens when you tangle with those sorts, you know that as well as anyone though.”

Price’s face was the dictionary definition of scorn. You shrank back into the sofa, subconsciously trying to become a part of it and escape from all the tension. The major didn’t even wince through it. He faced Price with all the stoicism of a tree on a calm day, but Price continued to rant and plead your case until you thought his red face might start to turn purple. All the while you listened with quick little bursts of scared breath. 

The conversation didn’t go anywhere except against a dead end, ramming over and over into the same conclusion. The major grew tired of Price’s fit and walked out, saying that he’d expect you checked into the kennel’s by the end of the night. He let the threat of what would happen, should he fail to comply, linger somewhere above you - like an anvil - in the air. 

Price growled out a profanity as the door slammed closed. Only when the air had settled and the Major’s presence fully left did he turn to you and soften. His eyes, that had held so much venom, melted from slits and into doleful pools, his taught mouth slackened.

“Pup…” He sighed, looking you over.

He didn’t finish the sentiment. There was a wordless understanding between you both that he didn’t have the vocabulary for the sympathies he wanted to convey. With that quiet look of apology given he sighed out and pressed his head into his palms. 

“Fuckin’ shower of cunts the lot of em.”

Price hadn’t immediately given up of course. He picked up his phone and got to talking to numerous sources, but apparently none of them were of any use. You flinched back from where you were perched every time he hung up his phone with a bang. It almost made you feel sorry for the thing. No matter what arguments were made, no one was willing to hear Price out. That much was clear after he’d clattered down into his old chair like a shot bird. 

You had expected as much.

In the end it was you that convinced Price just to take you to the kennels. Making a point of stressing that it would be far better to go before Ghost could come back. Something within you shook at the idea of being put back into the same horrible place by the same man that had rescued you from there to begin with. At having Ghost have to take the responsibility on his shoulders, once more letting down a hybrid in his care. 

After being checked in and issued a bedroll, it was time to say your good nights. You stared at Price through the doorway of the kennel, biting your frayed lip. No matter what he said, you knew well enough that it was your own stupid stubborn fault that you were back there again - for not just acquiescing to the brat’s commands in the first place. Stunts like that were the exact reason that you had the disciplinary record that you did. Always going against anyone that wanted to shove you down, all in the name of some kind of renegade fantasy that you had any control over your life. Fiercely defending the shreds of your honour as if you hadn’t spent most of your life as a beaten dog. 

Stupid. 

At the very least though, conditions were far better than your old haunt at Branhaven. That was something, you tried to tell yourself. The shiny black sleeping bag they’d given you was plenty thick and there was a groaning old heater that rattled overhead, so that the nipping cold temperatures felt more like being left in a draughty room. Even the construction wasn’t as bad as the other ones, rubber crumb flooring like that of a playground, meant that you wouldn’t get as stiff and a hard fibreglass front over the concrete walls meant that you wouldn’t be exposed to the elements. It was almost possible to think of it like a stay at the worlds worst hotel, rather than a mandated stay in the kennels. 

It wasn’t home, but at least you knew that you’d get to return there as long as you listened and kept your stupid trap shut for once. Home with Ghost. Now that you’d calmed down after the initial shock of being issued the punishment, an internal clock had materialised in your head. The countdown to when you could go home. All you had to do was take your medicine and you could be with Ghost again, everything could go back to how it was. That thought alone was enough to keep the needling panic at the back of your mind firmly restrained there. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t do more,” Price said, his voice stony and rough. “I don’t wanna leave you here, Pup…I really don’t.”

“Don’t wanna leave me, or don’t wanna have to face Ghost and tell him I’m here?” You said, making an attempt to lift his heavy expression. 

He grunted something that could be interpreted as a bitter chuckle. 

“Neither.”

You smiled a little, but didn’t have it in you to laugh. At seeing your expression, he crossed the threshold between you both and closed his palm over your head. His roughened fingers skimmed over your ears and softly rubbed some of the worry out from deep within your tissue. A proper moment of reprieve settled over your body, loosening tight muscles, before you were forced to part again by the approaching footsteps of the guard.

“Sorry, Sir. I have to lock all the kennels up for the night for lights out,” he explained sheepishly, eyes not fully able to reach Price’s gaze.

Price nodded at him and went to comply, though only after giving you one last ruffle over the ears. He stepped back after and allowed the fibre glass door to snick to a close. Your heart thumped extra loudly while it shut. Price gave you one last mournful look and then told you to get some rest, assuring you that he’d be watching over you even from afar. 

“Good night, Price,” you whispered back, watching his retreating back with sorrow filled eyes.

The guard grunted and double checked the door, ensuring it was locked and rattling the mechanism a few times before he was satisfied. The soft click of metal on metal forced your ears to twitch upward into alert. 

“Get into your bedroll. Light’s out,” the guard said, his voice hardened now that your Captain was gone. “If you cause trouble or give me any crap you’ll be removed for discipline and then returned here. Do you understand?”

“Understood, Sir,” you nodded, unfurling the sleeping bag with a shiver.

The guard allowed you to sort your bedding and once inside the puffy roll of fabric he flicked the light switch and left you bathed in the darkness. He continued down the line from there, the only evidence of his presence, the fading lights down the line and the clicking of switches and doors. 

You whined softly while rubbing your face against the cold fabric below, blanching at the cold rubber flooring. Your heart lurched at the thought of your bed back home. The thought of your cushy blue pillows, Simon’s soft fur, the dialogue unread from the ‘Super-Wolf’ graphic novels by your bed, the smell of rotisserie chicken that was supposed to linger in the air, no where to be found in that sterile place. This was all wrong.

No matter what position you got in, no matter how hard you tried to shut your mind off and return to old coping mechanisms, the idea that you could be safely in your bed weighed on your chest like an elephant. Before you were used to being shoved into a kennel and forgotten about, but now you knew that there was a better life. A life that had been ripped from you.

You wanted to scream, wanted to claw your way out of the sleeping bag and slam yourself against the clear glass like a mad person, wanted to raise hell until you were returned to your rightful place. Though you never followed through. You had to be good now. It was the only thing that would get you home. 

Instead, you let your head loll to the back wall, facing the speckled brick and let loose the tears that you hadn’t wanted Price to have to witness again. Couldn’t have him thinking that you were completely pathetic afterall. The hot paths they left burned against your cold cheeks, though they still couldn’t compete with the heat that filled your aching chest. 

I’ll be with them again. Ghost won’t let me go. 

-🐺-

“Mum…I had a nightmare. The monsters want to take me away.”

Your little tail was pinned fast under your legs, your ears folded so close to your head you could feel the fibres of your hair even through your fur. Blinking back the tears from your eyes, you swallowed and looked up at her imploringly, hoping for a big cuddle just like the ones you’d seen her give to your older sister.

If she knew the meaning in your look, she didn’t show it. She groaned and got up from the couch, mumbling something under her breath before grabbing your wrist and shepherding you back to bed. The long dark corridors of your house seemed all the more haunting at night, the sounds of all the appliances ringing through the walls like wails. You shivered all the way back to your tiny room. Your mum’s iron grip may as well have been a shackle tugging you to prison. 

“Right, get back to sleep. You won’t have another nightmare after you’ve just had one.”

She turned the light on while you sorted yourself, impatiently hovering by the switch until you were lying back in bed and clinging the stuffed dog that your sister hadn’t wanted - had so graciously thrown at you one day - to your chest. His name was faint to you now, a shadow in your anxiety addled mind, what did you call him again? 

“Sleep tight,” she sighed, turning the light out and spiriting out the door. 

You blinked out through the darkness and sighed, curling into a little ball and trying your best to retreat from the leering shadows in the corner of the room. In that darkness your mind created faces, grinning horrible faces that wanted to gobble you up and turn you into mince. Just like the monsters from that horrible movie your dad had watched the night before, completely unaware that you had been hiding under the dining table, trying to avoid your mothers wrath for the milk that you’d spilled before bed.

“Monsters can’t get you here, sweetie,” you whispered to yourself, remembering the calming words you’d overheard in your sister’s room a few nights prior. “Nothing will get you when you’re safely tucked up…snug as a bug in a rug. You have your teddy to protect you, he’ll watch over you all night! Then in the morning everything will be fine again and the sun will be shining.”

The words didn’t seem to hold the same weight when you said them to yourself. They just rang hollow in the static. Perhaps they didn’t work the same since you were different, a half-breed ‘thing’ that no one asked for. Were you worth protecting? Would the sun shine for you in the morning?

-🐺-

“Hey, Pup. Oi. It’s ok, you’re alright. Easy…Easy”

You gulped in a hungry breath of air and opened your eyes, chest absolutely heaving as you fought off the last of the evil spirits that cackled and snapped at your extremities. In all your confusion between sleeping and waking, you couldn’t be sure if the arms that were wrapped around you were real, and if they were, you couldn’t be sure that they were friendly. 

When you whipped round and saw Gaz staring down at you with wide concerned eyes, you still questioned to yourself if you were in another layer of a dream. This couldn’t be right, you thought drowsily. 

“Gaz?” you mumbled, tilting your head when he smiled at you. “What are you doing here?”

“Saving you from the bogeyman apparently,” he smirked, ruffling your ears until you swatted his hands away. “That looked like a fuckin’ mental dream, mate.”

“No, Really - what are you doing here?”

You looked around, noting the wide open kennel door and the hazy blue sky beyond, a soft gradient of navy and electric blue sheeted over the fences and trees beyond. It couldn’t be any later than three, maybe four at a stretch. Your sleeping bag was tangled round your ankles and the heater had turned off, but other than that nothing had changed in the kennel. 

All was quiet on base, no cars whizzed by, barely any noise sounded through the crisp morning air. Sleep soon scratched at your eyes, forcing you to rub them and then embarrassingly let loose a high pitched whining yawn that had your face heating like a furnace in embarrassment.

“Aw, you are just a cute Pup, aren’t you?”

“Gaz!” you growled, trying to fix him with a stare serious enough that he would answer. 

It was no use though. He wasn’t Soap, so a little mean look did nothing to wipe the stupid smile of his smug face. Though he did relent when you growled, and when he noticed your darting looks round the opened gate, probably seeing that you were searching for the guard. At that point you’d suspected Gaz had to have stuffed him in a locker or something. 

“Relax, you can stop clutching your pearls. Price has a mission for us.”

“What?” you frowned, thoroughly doubtful, “Really? Right after I got kenneled, huh?”

“Genuinely,” He snorted, shaking his head. “I didn’t believe him at first either, but he wasn’t in the mood to piss about and explain himself. Cap said to come get you and load up ASAP, he’ll explain when we’re in the air.”

“We’re flying out?”

“Uh huh. Sooner the better too, can’t believe they made you spend a night in this place. What a fuckin’ joke.”

“Doesn’t feel like a joke to my back,” you ground out, wincing mid stretch when you felt a bone crack and heard the resulting sound. 

“Jesus. You keep making noises like that and they might retire you,” Gaz snorted.

“Ha ha,” you said dryly.

He gave you room to move away from him, allowing you to stand up before looking you over. It was almost comical seeing the way he searched you for any signs of harm, his calculating eyes narrowed as if he were looking for weapons. He paused a moment, only unfreezing when you raised your brows at him and quirked your lips. 

“You solid?” he asked.

“I think so. You?”

“It’s three in the morning and I’m freezing my arse out here instead of being passed out in bed - course I’m not,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes and bumped into his side, happily strolling out of the kennel and out into freedom. One night down you, you thought, only six more to go until I get to go back to my bed. At the very least you were happy you wouldn’t have to go to that prick, Smith’s, unit for the day. More than having to be separated from Ghost, you feared what he would do to you while in his care. You strongly suspected he’d have more than a slap lined up for you at that point. 

Gaz lead you to the changing rooms before taking you to the chinook, handing you your gear and waiting on the squeaky wooden benches outside the shower block while you got ready. Then after taking the world’s quickest and coldest shower, trying miserably not to get your hair or fur wet, you stepped out to greet him with gritted teeth and soggy ears. If one thing was abundantly clear then, it was the fact that Ghost had utterly spoiled you. There was no way you could face a cold shower again without thinking about the bathroom at his.

“When I get to go back to Ghost I’m gonna live in that shower,” you huffed, teeth chattering while wrapping yourself up in the big cosy fleece that Ghost had given you a few days before. “I’m gonna stay in there until I turn into a prune and then I’ll make sure that Ghost cans me and traps all the warm condensation in.”

Gaz laughed while watching you lace `up your boots last. Your fingers were shaking still from the bone chilling cold that had seeped through your entire body. It was a wonder that you thankfully managed to finish changing without any help. As much as you had considered pathetically asking him to tie them for you, you werent sure if you could go on soldiering knowing that Gaz had to help you like you were some kind of baby. 

“Pup in a can sounds like a pretty good product. New kind of IED discovered, we can just start lobbing you at the enemy instead of wasting grenades.”

“Lobbing me?” You said in faux shock, flattening your drippy ears. “I can’t believe you would even suggest that.”

“What? It’s a pretty solid strategy, would work wonders if we were facing an army of Mactavishes.”

“Gaz!” You squawked, flinging your dirty shirt at him. “Mean!”

He batted it away easily and laughed with you. 

“Oh c’mon. Soap would laugh if he was here.”

“Pfft, Soap here? coming to the kennels? Fat chance.”

“Aw, I’m sure he’d do it for you. His little furball,” Gaz teased, ruffling your ears. “Our fuzzy wuzzy puppy.”

You huffed and shooed his hands away, growling when he went to mess with you again. Gaz didn’t flinch at that, but he did roll his eyes and move back to lean against the wall. He was graciously allowing you to put away the rest of your gear in peace so that you could move out. He grew quiet while you shoved your things into the soft green rucksack, and just as you’d clicked the clasp on your bag closed, he regarded you with a more considering look. 

“What?”

“What?” Gaz returned, folding his arms. 

You frowned. 

“You’re looking at me funny.”

“Maybe it’s cause you’re funny,” he shrugged. 

“Shame that you’re not,” you replied dryly. 

“Well shit. Mess with the wolf and you get the fangs, huh?”

“You know it, Garrick.”

-🐺-

The chinook was more comfortable than the kennel. That you figured out after your belly was filled with a fat bacon roll and you had Gaz’s shoulder to lean on. Your eyelids dripped like syrup, lashes fluttering as you listened to Price drone on about the mission over the shaky comms. 

“Pup, are you listening? Knew I shouldn’t have bloody given you breakfast first,” Price admonished. 

You slowly blinked back at him.

“I am,” you huffed out, straightening your back against the chair. “We got evidence of WMD’s in Lata, so we’re gonna go there and secure em with a team from Los Vaqueros forces.”

“Top marks,” Gaz chuckled, ruffling your ears. 

You rolled your eyes. 

“These ears ain’t for nothin’,” you said with a sly grin. 

“Those ears better stay alert,” Price grumbled. “I need you alive and well so Ghost doesn’t disembowel me on return.”

Your ears perked up at that, your body quickly straightening up all the way. In all your tiredness and confusion at being taken away, you’d hardly thought about how Ghost would’ve felt about you being seperated from him for the first time. 

“You spoke to him last night then?”

“Tried to,” Price snorted. “After I told him where you were he just about bowled me over trying to get to you. Managed to convince him to let you be, but he was a pain in my arse all night. He wants to speak to you later, so if you would please be careful today me and my neck would thank you.”

“Is he coming here?” You asked hopefully, tail raising in your excitement.

“Probably not. If all goes well we should be outta here in a few days to a week. He said to call once we finish up tonight though.”

Oh. As much as you tried to stop yourself from visibly deflating, there was little you could do to prevent yourself falling back against the chair with a huff. It had already been to long without him and it had only been a day. The thought of the growing distance only gnawed at you as you thought about it more. 

“Relax, Pup. You’ll be back home to Ghost before you know it,” Price hummed. “Just gotta get through this in one piece first.”

“Yeah…but that’ll only be after I finish up my time at the kennels,” you grumbled, fully sagging into Gaz in defeat. 

“We’ll see.”

You tilted your head at the Captain wondering what the hell he meant by that, and even though he saw your curious look he didn’t answer it. All he did was wink. Even when you begged him to elaborate he shook his head and tilted down his boonie hat, making it perfectly clear that the time for talking was done.

“You could use more sleep yourself,” Gaz said afterward, watching you in your confusion. “Don’t worry too much about the future right now, you barely got any sleep last night by the sounds of that dream you were having, so you’re not gonna be able to think straight. Rest your head on me and I’ll try and keep the nightmares at bay, ok? Gotta wake up fresh for the mission.”

You pursed your lips, heart beating like a frail bird in your chest. So many questions danced around you, but every thought was dimmed by the tiring heaviness that had refused to shake itself from your body from the moment you’d woken up.

Gaz was right, you did need more sleep. And curling up on him sounded like a dream. However when you looked up into his soft hazel eyes, a sudden wave of heat pulsed through you and gave you pause. He practically glowed in the emerging morning light. 

“You sure you want me cuddling up to you?” you asked, laughing breathily to cover up your nervousness.

“Only as long as you don’t tell Ghost,” he winked. “Wouldn’t want him to get jealous.”

You shoved him playfully at that, but soon settled down once Price barked out for you both to be quiet. Bodies going ridgid before slackening into each other. Your head drooped gently down onto Gaz’s shoulder and he let his cheek rest on top of your head. The warm rays of the morning blanketed you both in its gentle hold and in minutes you were sinking into a now peaceful sleep.

[ashwhowrites]

No cash, no problem

Summary- Y/N can't afford to pay Eddie for the night, but he has a different payment in mind

⚠️smut- oral sex and fingering ( age gap but it's all legal )

Single milf!reader x babysitter!Eddie

~~~

Eddie struggled to find a job, he did his dealing but he also wanted a job so Wayne could know where the money came from. But based on his appearance and reputation in the town, not many gave him the opportunity.

Then he met a stressed-out mom in a store. Way in over her head and struggling to keep her three kids in check. He helped that day and now months later, he found himself their babysitter.

Eddie adored Y/N and her kids. He met her ex, he was a total dick and a shitty dad. The kids loved him, he got along the best with the two boys. They talked about movies and video games. He got along with everyone and he had a good relationship with Y/N.

Eddie had all the kids down for bed by the time Y/N arrived. He sat on the couch as he watched the TV low. He watched as she bent over to take off her heels. She sighed deeply and ran her hand through her hair.

"Stressful night?" Eddie asked, his voice causing her to jump and turn around. A relieved smile as she noticed it was Eddie. He muted the TV as she walked over. He eyed her dress, the way her body looked amazing. Her curves are more at notice with the tightness of the material. Her perfume smelled amazing and she looked gorgeous.

"You have no idea," she groaned, she began to dig around in her purse. Eddie assumed for cash for the night.

"Tried a date, right? Complete asshole, who didn't even pay for dinner. Then doesn't drive me home so I had to take a cab," her voice got more stressed as she dug around in her purse faster. "Which now I realize I gave the last amount of my cash to the driver and now can't pay my fucking babysitter." She groaned, throwing her purse on the floor.

Eddie held back a small laugh at her mini meltdown. "It's alright, Y/N. Don't worry about it." He said.

"No! You do so much for us and deserve to be paid. I mean you got Ben an A on his project, and Kasey won't shut up about you. I think she's in love. And Jack adores you. I mean you do more than their father." She ranter, steering away from the topic. "Can I double it next time? Or I can write a check?" She struggled to find a solution and she was so frantic about it. Eddie couldn't help but watch her fall apart.

"Those are all fine. Or honestly, it can be on me. It sounds like a shitty night." Eddie offered, he stood up, his body up close next to hers. He felt his fingers inching towards her before his brain knew.

"I need a bath then I'll be fine. But I'm still paying you some way." She smiled gently at him as she touched his arm. A short way to show her affection and a promise. She went to move away but Eddie moved faster. His hand grabbed her arm, and he brought her hand up to his mouth. He watched as she froze and sucked in the air. Her mouth slightly opened.

"I think I know a way you can pay me. A slightly different method." He whispered, then he took her ring finger, one that used to have a band around, and slowly put it in his mouth. He was crossing a huge boundary and he prepared for the slap across his face. But instead, she moaned and zoned her eyes in on his mouth as he sucked her finger.

"What's that?" She whispered, her voice cracked and she coughed to try to fix it. Her eyes never left his mouth as he let her finger go with a pop.

"Let me eat," he started, yanking her arm to bring her body smack against his. She stumbled into him but he kept them in balance, "that pretty pussy, momma." He whispered against her lips.

She wasn't sure if she got drunk off her glass of wine or if Eddie was truly hitting on her. He was an attractive boy, but he was just in his twenties and she was ten years older than him. It was way too wrong to feel this turned on.

"The kids." She mumbled, turning her head to look up the stairs. Eddie grabbed her chin and brought her face against his again. His lips were right on top of hers.

"Then you'll have to be quiet then, huh?" He smirked, raising his eyebrows as he challenged her.

"But..." She trailed off. She tried to wrap her brain for an argument but she felt like her brain shut off.

"You say stop, and I'll stop. Let me make you feel good, take away your stress. Feast on you like you've never felt. Not by that loser ex-husband and not that loser from tonight." His dirty words made her submit. A little pleasure wouldn't kill her and he was of age. And based on the hardness she felt against her thigh, it was something he wanted.

She nodded and allowed his lips to smash on hers. She gasped as he slammed her against the wall and his hands immediately slipped under her dress. She moved her tongue into his mouth and her hands went in his hair. She was rough and tugged. Harder each time she heard the growling sound he made.

She moaned against his tongue as his fingers moved her underwear aside, and his fingers fucked into her. Her head fell back and his mouth latched on her neck. She cradled his head as she began to ride his fingers. She bit down on her bottom lip to keep quiet, not trying to scar her children for life.

She gripped his hair harder when his thumb rubbed her clit and his teeth sunk into her flesh.

She got her breath back when he pulled away, but her break didn't last long. He dropped to his knees and pulled her leg over his shoulder. He growled at the sight of her wet pussy, pulsing and asking for more. He didn't need the extra wetness, but he still spit right on her clit. A way to mark her as his.

She threw her hand over her mouth the second his tongue was on her clit. He knew just how to suck and flick. He made her knees shake. His fingers were back inside of her as he sucked on her clit.

Eddie loved the taste of her on his tongue. She was sweet and way better than he imagined. He couldn't deny the amount of times he thought of doing this. And the many nights he craved to taste her just like this.

He didn't care to be clean, he was messy and sloppy. His tongue moved between her folds to taste every inch, removing his fingers just to circle his tongue inside. Her body arched off the wall and he could feel her digging at his roots.

Eddie moved his tongue back up to her clit, and his fingers entered her again. He went fast and slipped in three fingers, and then slipped in a fourth one. He felt her snapping before she even made a sound. Four fingers deep as he fucked her and spelled his name with his tongue on her clit, sucking harshly at the very end as she came.

Her body slumped against the wall but he kept his mouth on her, shoving her against the wall and he held her up as he finished tasting her. She was sensitive and shaking but he made sure to lick up every single drop.

She tried to catch her breath when he gently placed her leg back on the ground, he moved her underwear back in place and pushed the underwear against her sensitive clit. She bit back the whine, the material soaked up her wetness. He pushed her dress back down and cleaned off his mouth.

He smirked as he took in her fucked off state. "no cash, no big deal."

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergentreblogs @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger

[hunnylagoon]

Take Me to War

PT2 Metaphor

Streamer! Ellie Williams x reader

Where do I pour my love if you take away my pen and paper?

Premise: You are starting to like your annoyingly loud neighbour more than you want to admit.

PT1 Here!

Warnings: Raunchy humour

The gym was busy on this particular day, I absentmindedly judged others for being at the gym at noon on a Saturday like they should have been doing something more interesting with their time until I realized I was at the gym at noon on a Saturday with no other plans for the rest of the day "And she's hot?" Abby asks me while she effortlessly benches something around 170 and I do nothing more than lean on the wall behind her.  

"She's hot," I answer, scrolling through her feed on Instagram like the weird little stalker I was. I hadn't gone full FBI, just looked her up and possibly watched some of her videos "It's kind of cool that I have an internet celebrity living next to me."

"Define cool," Abby props the bar back onto the saddles of the machine and sits up, taking a chug from her water bottle.

"She is cool," I defend "It's not that weird Minecraft roleplay that your grimy cousins watch, it's just like video games and vlogs, that kind of stuff."

Abby looks back at me, sweat drips from her blonde hairline and rests above her brow "How is that even a career?"

I shrug in response "Sponsorships and donations and shit." 

"Why do people throw so much money at streamers?"

"Parasocial relationships, I wrote an article about it last year which you said you read."

She sucks a sharp breath through her teeth "You were writing a lot of articles, hard to keep up with."

"Define a lot," I mock Abby's words. I glance at a guy in between the rows of gleaming machines, their metallic frames reflecting the obnoxious glow overhead. He had been using the leg press upside down, his neck hunched over into an almost horrifying posture, his shoulders pressing against the top plate. It might've been the most normal thing I've seen in New York.

"So are you going to ask her out?"

I wrinkle my nose, thinking about it "I met her last week, I just don't think I know her that well." Within the past week that I've met her, I've been crawling out to the fire escape every morning just so her drowsy eyes could peer into my vacant skull and in recent months I had given up on dating, like a spider, I devoured my own heart.

"That's kind of the point of dating," She lays back down on the bench press "Getting to know each other."

"I think I'm too busy to date," I tuck my phone into my pocket, crossing my arms while I watch Abby. I wasn't entirely sure that I was too busy to date but I tended to consume myself entirely and make everything far more complicated than it needed to be. I still perform autopsies on conversations I've had years ago, clinging to every word like I need them to survive.

"Why don't you wanna be happy?" She asks, furrowing her eyebrows "You're always getting in your own way, is it a tortured poet type of thing?"

My breath hitches in my throat. How I hate when she's right. The last serious relationship I had was in college and even then I had sabotaged myself, I didn't know where it came from other than a nagging feeling that I wasn't deserving of the love that had been offered up to me on a shining silver platter. "I do I'm-

"Just not ready?" Abby cuts me off, finishing my sentence so perfectly as if it had been words on a script for some boring play about a woman who hates her life and won't do anything about it.

"Yeah," I say, my voice is quiet, she's got me in a box here.

"If you're not ready to date, you might as well be friends with her," She puts the bar back onto the saddles but this time, stands up after completing her reps. "You need to get out and it seems like you get along well."

"I guess," I say and Abby raises an eyebrow "No, you're right, I need to dig myself out of the grave I've dug for myself." What added to my overly apathetic mood was the season, I was so sick of February. It felt like winter had forced mold to grow on my bones to way me down onto the dirty city pavement where careless New Yorkers would gladly stomp over my body.

"How's it going with the family?" Abby is writing something down in her notes which I assume is her number of sets and reps.

"Nothing new," I answer.

She peers at me over her phone, digging for a more solid answer "Are you still sending your parents money?"

"Yes-

"Why?" Her arms dropped to her side, her phone still in one hand "You shouldn't have to play caretaker for two people who don't care about you," As true as it was, it didn't hurt any less to hear it out of my best friend's mouth. 

"It's easier said than done, those are my parents," I'm almost overtaken by a delicate drowsiness from the thoughts of leaving behind the one connection I had to my small-town life. My parents were so careless that I would run around barefoot on the road with the neighbour's kids for hours, narrowly dodging cars that flew past us like it had been a game; everything was a game back then, when I came home to my father's drunkenness, I could hide away in the treehouse and read Harry Potter until the screaming came to a stop.

I was bonded to them like I was to the stray cats who raised me. There was no getting rid of them, we ricocheted between hatred and love like the game of catch I never got to play.  

"I'm sorry," She says though I know it is ingenuine "I shouldn't get in between your family."

Abby didn't know them the same way I did. All she knew was the bloodiness of the relationship that I had cried into her arms, she didn't know how kind the wolves were after they tore me apart. The way my father would cheer for me the loudest at my soccer games and how my mother baked for me after a fight, wasn't the apology that I yearned for but the one that was shoved down my throat.

I dug through my brain to search for a way to change the topic "I saw Owen at the market yesterday and he said he wanted you to call him."

"You're fucking kidding."

My deadline had passed with no issue and I was finally blessing myself with a day where I wasn't chained to my desk. I could finally let my poor bloodshot eyes rest and for once I didn't have to drown them in eyedrops.

I was freshly out of the shower when I heard a knock at my door, Margot yelling at me to answer it. I slipped into a matching pyjama set that Abby gave me on my birthday, hurrying as fast as I could to the door. Margot's consistent screaming did nothing to aid this. 

Ellie was the last person I expected to see on the other side of the door but there she was. I couldn't help the smile that cracked onto my face "Am I the one being loud now?"

She grins at me "No-it's just that my chat has been begging for you to come back all week and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to do a stream with me?"

I looked down at what I was wearing and suddenly felt like the scrouge, all I was missing was a nightcap and a taper candle. "Can I change first?"

"Go ahead but I think this is one of your best looks."

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow "You have poor judgement since you've never seen me in anything other than pyjamas."

"We should probably fix that then."

"I guess we should." I smile. I decided against changing, it wasn't like I was going out, just heading to my friend's apartment that was three feet away.

"Say as much or as little as you want," She opens the door to let me in "I owe you big time," Ellie says this like I don't want excuses to spend time for her. Like I haven't been freezing my ass off every day just to talk to her when she watches the city wake up as she prepares to rest her head. 

Ellie's apartment is more lively than the last time I visited, she's adapted some plants that are already beginning to wilt "Have these been getting any sunlight?" 

She furrows her eyebrows "No? They're fake."

"Ellie," I stifle a laugh "I'm like ninety percent sure that fake plants don't wilt."

"Nuh-uh," She walks toward one just rubs its wilting leaf between her thumb and index, it begins to crumble in her hand and she sucks a sharp breath through her teeth "I guess they are real," Ellie pokes a finger into the bone dry soil and wipes the dirt onto her pants "How much do you know about plants?"

"I'm going to go out on a limb and guess more than you."

 She nods "Sounds about right," Ellie walks over to her sink to fill a Game of Thrones mug with water before circling back to water her plants "Drink up little buddies."

"looks like you need some sunlight too," I watch her attempt to revive the dying plants and 

"Yeah," She keeps hyper-focused on the plants but she cracks a small grin, I could've sworn her smile burnt down the library of Alexandria "I think I'm turning into a vampire."

"The sparkly kind?"

Ellie shakes her head as she stands back up to put the mug on the kitchen island "Like the guy from Sesame Street."

I wrinkle my nose "Yeah, you're looking kind of purple."

"Damn, I was worried you would notice," She smiles again as she opens the door to her office, the purple LED lights are still running but the overhead light is turned on and washes away the colour.

The second I step into the room, Ellie rushes ahead of me and almost jumps to grab the folding chair. She sits herself down and pats her fancy gaming chair for me to sit in it. "Guys, she came!" 

I stare at her, eyes wide, jaw slack. "Ellie."

"What?"

"Do you hear yourself?"

She takes a minute to think about it before nodding her head, I could see the exact moment it clicked "No, I hear it," She addresses the camera "Not like that guys but I don't know what she did with her day, not our business though."

Ellie looks at me like she's waiting for approval of her chosen words. After a moment's reflection, I answer dryly "Thanks." 

"Sorry for taking so long, I had to water some plants," She watches the chat bar scroll by, squinting before she leans back in her chair, hand running through her hair "No, that's not code for sex."

"Could be," I shrug.

"They wanna know what your name is."

"Top secret."

"Okay," She reads some more comments from the chat "Can you tell them what you do for work?"

"I'm a ghostwriter," I say, giving a little thumbs up. I saw myself in the monitor and wanted to throw my hands at myself for being so awkward.

"Spooky," Ellie smiles "She writes about people instead of interacting with them, that's why she's socially inept." She reaches for her soundboard and presses a button, sounding a prerecorded effect of a crowd cheering and laughing.

"She's never had a girl in her apartment, that's why she can't flirt." I counter as she throws her hands up, I can tell she's about to retort with something before I cut her off "So what were you doing before you kidnapped me?"

"Guys, I didn't kidnap her, she willingly walked in here without the use of excessive force and I have had many a girl in this apartment," Ellie tells the chat before clicking something on her screen "So, they send in videos and we have to not laugh, which isn't hard because they aren't very funny." 

"You're not funny either but they watch you," I tease, Ellie fights a smile trying to uphold our image of back and-forth pocking and prodding at one another.

"Laugh three times and you're out."

"Of the apartment?"

"No, you just laugh three times and you lose."

"What do I get if I don't lose?"

"Fuck, I dunno," She furrows her eyebrows, searching the room for something. Her eyes land on a small silver tin, she snatches it up into the palm of her pale hand and sits back down "You get my dill dough."

"I'm sorry!?" My head snaps to look at her "Are you sure you aren't a cam girl?"

"No," She pauses "No, I mean no it's not what you think, yes," Ellie backtracks again "I mean I am sure I'm not a cam girl, not that that I'm not sure I'm not a cam girl, because I'm not," She looks like she's sure of what she said like it made perfect sense "Not a cam girl."

"You're not-not a cam girl?" I ask, pointing out the double negative "So you are a cam girl?"

"No," Ellie runs a hand down her face "Can you guys please tell her that I'm not a cam girl?"

Dcknb4llz:She's a cam girl

Nataliadepressed:I just subbed to her only fans!

Mclovin_fury26:She just wants to show you her dill dough 😕

Yayayalorde:I wish she was a cam girl 

The3nd_isn3ar:Ellie pls stop joking about it and become a cam girl already 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Ewmarryme:hahaha Ellie ur so funny now get serious and make an onlyfans

"Anyways," Ellie ignores the chat as they clearly aren't helping her case "This is my dill dough," She shows me the small tin she picked up, there's a picture of a pickle on the front. Over the translucent lid, it surely enough says 'Dill Dough! pickle scented'. It was just green silly putty with an oddly incredulous name.

"I weirdly want that," I answer.

"If you win, it's yours." She tucks it away into the pocket of her sweatpants "Mods, let's get this moving."

We sit through about fifteen minutes of videos; mainly people getting hurt, occasionally one of some type of animal. Nothing funny enough to make either of us laugh except for one of a man falling through a glass table which gets a little chuckle out of Ellie who denies it. 

Another video began playing, it was Ellie in this exact spot, screaming during a game of Fortnite. It looks like it's from the first time she showed me her odd job choice. In the distance, you can hear a knock on the door and this is when I'm sure it's from the day I had been thinking of. Ellie pulls her headphones off and looks at her camera "Shit, I think that's my hot neighbour again."

I slap a hand over my mouth and turn to see Ellie who's looking disappointed at her chat, shaking her head at the camera. "Whoever sent that is fake as fuck."

"So you think I'm hot?"

"Pfft, no, dude, you're ugly as fuck," Ellie makes an overexaggerated confused face like she has no idea what I'm talking about "I was talking about my other neighbour."

Kaylnncourting:Ellie y r u fumbling so bad???????

Overdam00n:You guys were right for saying she doesn't get 🐱🐱🐱🐱

Sestwouth:bruh she's ruining it for herself

Connerstollit:WHY DID SHE SAY THAT 

Cruel_summer:What is wrong with Ellie? Genuinely

F0gg4t:If El doesn't want her, I do

Aliinnnnnaaaaa:First girl she's ever met and she's ruining it

Randelwthehandle:Ugly as fuck??????? who says that 😭😭

Dcknb4llz:wow nice cover up Ellie

Marie_739:Bro Im gonna start calling the girls I like ugly as fuck

"Mr. Quigley?" I ask to which Ellie nods immediately "You think the eighty-seven-year-old veteran who is missing a foot and has swallowed four of his teeth is hot?"

"Yeah," She says, immediately regretting the hole she was digging herself into "I have a thing for older men."

"I don't think you have a thing for men at all, actually."

Her eyes go wide, Ellie opens her mouth to say something and she leans forward in her chair so fast that she falls out and smacks her head on the desk, folding over and onto the ground. I have the biggest smile on my face as I reach for her soundboard and press the cheering crowd effect.  I'm laughing too hard to offer her help, clutching my stomach and keeling over so my head is out of frame. Ellie gets up, and puts herself back in the folding chair pointing at the camera "Do not clip that."

Almost seconds after she says that a video gets sent in of her smacking her head on the desk in slow motion while I burst out laughing and now I'm cackling even harder. You can even hear her yelp in slow motion and she sounds like the dinosaurs from Jurassic Park "You guys are way funnier than Ellie," I say, addressing whoever was watching the stream. 

Another video pops on the screen right after the last one ends, it's Ellie again. She screams at something on her computer and you can hear me bang on the wall on the other side. Ellie goes quiet immediately going back to her game and muttering "She's so hot guys."

"I think my mods hate me," Ellie shakes her head.

"Thank you mods!" I smile at the camera.

A little clip of Ellie back at her desk pops up, she's wearing a Garfield shirt. This time she isn't playing anything, she just sits in front of the camera with that familiar lopsided smile "Guys, how do I trick my neighbour into going out with me?"

There's another video, it's a longer one with the caption 'Ellie Williams calling her neighbour hot compilation' Ellie's eyes go wide and she clicks off the video immediately, the camera goes to us full screen. "That's enough of that."

I pull my phone out and type in the caption of the unfinished video into YouTube, it comes up right away and I click on it. Ellie clicks around on her computer, unaware of my viewing until she hears her voice, echoing in low quality from my phone. She reaches for my phone but I pull it closer to myself. 

I'm dead set on finishing the video until something on the other side of the door, catches my eye. It rushes past the small crack in the slightly ajar door and instinctively, I drop my phone with a slight jolt "What the fuck is that?"

Ellie takes this opportunity to snatch my phone and place it face down on the desk, out of my reach. "That's just Kitty." She pushes herself out of the folding chair and steps out of the room. She walks back in carrying what looks to be a mound of cotton balls, looking a little closer, I realize it's a rabbit. He looks more fluff than flesh.

"What the fuck," My mouth falls open in awe "Can I hold it?" She places him in my lap "He just walks around your apartment?"

She nods "He's litter trained so he just kinda hangs out." 

I pet him, he's soft as a million feathers, and he looks like a mascot for a paper towel company "You are the only person I know that would name their bunny Kitty."

Ellie tries to wipe off the mass amounts of rabbit fur on her, it seems the more she tries to get it off, the more firmly it refuses to budge. "This is a good time to show you guys this new shirt that Dina ordered for me," Ellie stands up walking off camera. She has a couple of Amazon boxes stacked on her couch, she reaches into one of them and pulls out a T-shirt. Ellie turns towards the wall so her back is facing me, she pulls her hoodie off over her head.

All I can see is the back of her sports bra but I force my eyes to go wide "Guys, Ellie Williams has a tramp stamp that says cum dumpster," I lie and the chat goes wild and I grab my phone off her desk as she turns around in her Five Nights at Freddie's tee with a 'Seriously?' face. I take a picture of her with the flash on "I'll sell this rare image of Ellie for six hundred dollars on eBay."

Ellie walks back over to the desk with a stack of Amazon boxes "Every donation goes toward my tattoo removal," She jokes, digging around in the boxes. "I'm a little over your videos, you bunch of snitches so I think it's about time I finally open these up." 

I look in the boxes too, leaning over slightly, being very careful of Kitty where he sits in my lap. I see something and pull it out to hand to Ellie "You should try this one."

"World's hottest gummy bear," She reads the package "Why is there only one? What if I want another?" Ellie yanks the gummy bear, squishing it between her fingers. It looks like Red-40 personified. 

Melanie_felony:She's setting her up lmao

Dcknb4llz:Nobody say anything pls I rlly wanna see this

Elliewsidechick:YALL SHES TOO WHITE FOR THIS STOP

She eats the gummy bear in one bite. As she begins to chew it, she seems absolutely unfazed and partially confused about why it was labelled 'World's Hottest Gummy Bear' A moment later she begins to cough, balling her hand up into a fist and pounding on her chest. Ellie's little cough quickly turns into a deep wheeze.

Ellie lets out a scream, her face going red as she slams her hand onto her desk with watering eyes. I could see visible sweat on her face as she dry heaved, it only took thirty seconds until she sprinted out of the room.

"Oh my god," I watch her run out of the room while I give Kitty a little pet between his ears, he's so still I almost think he's taxidermy. "Guys, I think we killed her." You can hear her vaguely screaming and gagging from the kitchen "So what did everyone do today?"

Thelastgreatamericandynasty:wrote a fanfic about you and Ellie

Dcknb4llz:I got jumped at waffle house 

"Yikes, sorry to hear that." I suck a breath through my teeth "Tell me what I should know about Ellie." Her name feels so right on my tongue.

Jesse_chang:She's a virgin

D4aughter_:OMG HI JESSE

A_birthday_card:The only s3x she's ever had was in Minecraft

Whathasshegot:She has a crush on you 

Touching_theyouth:She's lactose intolerant 

Dcknb4llz:She sold me ketamine in an ally 

Gusty_queefqueen:She homophonic 

Torxhmydreams2:Pretty sure that’s two words that have the same pronunciation but different meaning

Gusty_queefqueen:Bruh it means she doesn’t like gay people

Heytheredelilah7:She has a boyfriend

When Ellie comes back she's filled her Game of Thrones mug with milk and has a bag of shredded mozzarella cheese. She reads the chat "Can you guys be cool for once?"

"They're cooler than you."

"Very funny," Ellie eats a handful of mozzarella before she digs back in the boxes "What's next?" There's one box huge envelope that looks like it has a slip of cardboard in it. Ellie tears the corner open with her teeth and rips the rest of the top off with her hands. She pulls the content out of it, throwing the envelope over the computer for it to land on the ground. Just as suspected there was cardboard in it, not just a slip but it unfolded into a cardboard cut out of Ellie, she looked to be a younger teenager in it, giving an awkward little peace sign and showing her green braces off with a huge smile.

"Aww, you actually look cute in that."

She disregards me "Chat, interrogate Dina about this and report back."

"Dina?" I ask "Is that your girlfriend?"

"Nah," Ellie props up the cardboard cut-out and places it behind us, right in the middle to watch over us "She's my enemy as of right now."

"What did she do?"

"Send this shit," She eats some more mozzarella, holding the bag out to offer me some, to which I decline. Ellie shrugs it off and eats another handful, washing it down with a long chug of milk and putting it on the desk. She grabs a t-shirt, he eyes go wide and she pushes it against her chest so I can't see. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, ma'am," I watch a smile spread across her face as she turns the shirt around to show me a graphic of her on it. In the picture, her face is close up to the camera covered in a white powder (presumably flour). "Oh, wow!" I feign shock.

"I know!" She holds it out toward me "It's yours, you deserve it."

"Wow," I draw the word out, taking the shirt from Ellie "This is really great, I was always hoping I would get a shirt of you covered in flour." Sarcasm drips from tone but I accept the gift regardless.

"I know!" Ellie grins brightly "You should put it on now."

"That's fine, I think I'll save it for our date," I tease.

She perks up just the slightest "Ooo, when's that?"

"The second this stream ends."

"On that note," Ellie looks at the camera "Thank you guys for hopping on tonight and thank you to my neighbour who came here without putting up a fuss," Ellie clicks around on the screen a little bit before addressing them again "Alright, go bug Dina now."

With that the stream comes to a close, the blinking light on the camera turns off, and Ellie and I are left alone with ourselves and Kitty.

“So,” Ellie thumps her foot up and down repeatedly like those anxious kids in high school. “Do you maybe wanna get coffee tomorrow?”

“I don’t drink coffee but I’ll pretend to so I have an excuse to hangout with you.”

A smile splits onto Ellie’s face “Phew, I hate coffee I just thought it was an adult way to ask you out.”

A/N: This is super short but I’ll make up for it in the next part, thanks for reading! We got some angst on the way 👀

Perm tag-list: @veeveeisgay @whenlostinthedarkness @gold-dustwomxn @ellslvr

Series tag-list: @diddiqueen @camillecrellin @fullmachinegirl @eveshyper @lmaoo-spiderman @camicocom1a @elliessweetheart @melanie-watermelon @lanafresitas

[fishfooddude]

No Phone Policy 6.0

The final part of No Phone Policy: I had a lot of different ending ideas for this, but low-key. The seasonal depression is hitting pretty hard, so we get an okay ending instead of a fire ending. There may be an epilogue, but don't quote me on that.

The Bear MasterList

Directory

Part 5

“What’s goin’ on, Y/N? You’re scaring me…” Mars begged as she kneeled beside you, brushing your unkempt hair out of your face. After what had happened with Carmy, you’d come to her downtown apartment. You didn’t answer her question. You closed your eyes and tried to take a breath, only for it to get caught in your throat.

Mars sighed and let you be in her guest room. 

Your Dad, on the other hand, had none of this. When Mars had updated him on what was happening, he was mentally preparing to go to prison for the rest of his life. He was going to kill Carmen Berzatto and happily admit to doing it. No one hurt one of his little girls and got away with it. 

He pulled up to you and Carmy’s house early that afternoon. He parked next to Carmy’s car and calmly approached the door. He remembered where the two of you hid your spare key and let himself in. 

“Carmen,” he called as he began walking upstairs, clenching and unclenching his fists as he vaguely remembered the layout of your home. He saw an open door and confidently walked in to see Carmy holding his granddaughter. Her eyes were wide as she furious sucked on a tie-dye pacifier, “Oh hey Marty. Y/N isn’t here..” Carmy trailed off awkwardly, unsure of how much you’d told your dad. 

“That’s Mr. Y/L/N to you, Carmen. Now, give me my granddaughter and start explaining what you did to my buggy,” he said authoritatively. Carmy sighed and handed Wolf off to him.

“Hi, gorgeous girl. You look just like your mommy- why is your mommy not here? Did your daddy do something stupid?” 

Carmy swallowed as he stood before Marty awkwardly, “We’ve been fighting… she has some fuckin’ postpartum thing. I don’t know- I wanted things to go back to the way they were, and I guess I pushed her too far. I didn’t hurt her- at least this time… she was ignoring me, and I grabbed her wrists, but this time, she fell down the stairs and ran off. She isn’t answering my calls, so I don’t know where she is.” 

Marty didn’t believe him for a dam second. “Be so happy I’m holding my granddaughter right now, or I’d beat the crap out of you, Carmen.”

Carmy nodded, knowing it was true, “Look, Mar- Mr. Y/L/N, I love Y/N more than I could ever. I’ve been killin’ myself over missing Wolf’s birth since she came out. I fuckin’ failed as a father and as a husband. I- I don’t deserve your daughter; I never have, and I never will. I just wanna talk to her. If she wants to leave, I’ll sign whatever- I just wanna see my daughter.” Carmy swallowed softly, suppressing the urge to cry.

~

Carmy dug through his closet that morning as Natalie sat on his bed, holding Wolf on her lap. “So, how do you want today to go?” she asked, wiping Wolf’s mouth with a tissue. Carmy huffed and pulled out a blue button-up shirt from the back of his closet. He was unsure if it would fit, but it was the ‘most court-appropriate,’ as Pete would say. 

“I dunno. Guess what were doin’ now?” he chuckled as he threw the shirt to the bottom of the closet still on the hanger. “Fuck it- I haven’t seen my wife in fuckin’ weeks. I’m fuckn’ tired of this shit. I want her to come home. I don’t wanna get divorced and fuckin’ share custody. I want her here, with Wolf, with me- as a fuckin’ family.” he scoffed as he moved to sit next to Natalie. “It took a year and a half to even get pregnant, and then I went and fucked everything up.” 

Natalie put her free hand on his shoulder and smiled sympathetically, “I can’t imagine what you’re goin’ through right now, Carmen, but I think if you stand there and speak from the heart, everything will work out.” 

Carmy shrugged and took Wolf from her lap. She laughed at the feeling of Carmy’s hands wrapping around her waist. He couldn’t help but smile at the sound, “You’re gonna have so much fun with Auntie Sugar… be a good girl, okay?” 

Carmy’s question was met with happy gurgling and a gummy smile. He smiled and kissed her before handing her back to Natalie, “Well, which me luck.” Carmy grinned as he excused himself.

~

When you entered the courtroom, Carmy felt his heart skip a beat. He didn’t realize how long it had been since he’d last seen you. You’d changed your hairstyle from what it had been to a shoulder-length bob; you also dyed it darker. Carmy swallowed when you took your jacket off. He hadn’t seen you in person for weeks, and as much as he tried, he could tear his eyes away from your chest. 

The judge called the hearing to start and began asking questions concerning the nature of the divorce. The words went through Carmy’s head, but he didn’t hear them. He was preoccupied with you. He noticed how you picked at your cuticles and kept crossing and uncrossing your legs and the glossy look in your eyes. You were on the verge of tears throughout the hearing, this was the last thing you’d wanted to do. Having your marriage dissolve. 

“Mrs. Berzatto, do you agree to the laid out terms?” you were brought back to reality when the judge had asked you the question. You looked at your lawyer who urged you to answer, you swallowed and finally looked at Carmy. When your eyes met his, everything flooded back. Meeting him at some bar all those years ago, your first date when he spilled both his and your wine glasses on you. His horribly awkward apologizes led him to info dump of how to get red wine stains out of cotton which led to the deeper conversation of how he’d been collecting denim with his brother since he was a teenager. Memories of laughing together, him attempting to help you with your homework, cooking dinner together at 3 in the morning, and just loving and being loved by him flood your mind. Being with Carmy was like being in a rom-com from the early 2000s.

“Y/N?” your lawyer asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. You took a deep breath and tried to say something, but no words could come out. “I-uh.” You stammered, “I’m sorry.” You managed to get out before quickly walking out of the courtroom, ignoring your lawyer's call after you. 

Carmy watched you hurry out of the room and then turned his attention to the judge. “May I?” he asked, gesturing to the door. “Be my guest, Mr. Berzatto.” The judge exasperated. Carmy nodded and quickly walked out of the courtroom to find you.

You were sitting on a bench just outside the courthouse with your face in your hands. He shoved his hands into his pockets and slowly walked to the bench. As he sat next to you, he heard you sigh. “Hi, Carm,” you said softly. 

“How’s you know it was me?” he asked playfully. He heard you scoff and watched you push your hands through your hair. 

“You always smell like smoke, spearmint, and old spice,” you answered, looking up at him. He chuckled, and you watched him adjust into a more comfortable position.

“You look good. How have you been?” Carmy asked as he turned to face you. You bit the inside of your cheek nervously. “Biting the inside of your cheek… am I making you nervous?” he teased. You rolled your eyes and sighed.

“Really shitty… I’ve been absolutely dreading this day all week.” you laughed as you finally looked up at him. “Who schedules a divorce hearing on a Friday afternoon? Sorta a weekend killer, isn’t it?” 

Carmy laughed at the sentiment, “A bit. For what it counts… I’m sorry for everything I’ve done.”

“Don’t apologize. I’ve been thinking a lot and…” you took another breath as you pushed a loose lock of hair behind your ear. I don’t know what I want to do.” 

Carmy’s eyebrows knit together as he shot you a confused look, “Do for what?” 

“Obviously, I don’t know what I want for dinner.” You sarcastically joked, “I don’t know if I want to get divorced.”

“What brought that on?” Carmy asked shifting in his seat moving closer to you. You copied the movement and thought for a moment before explaining. 

“Wolf, in all honesty. I look at her and I see you.” you laughed, “I don’t know if you know but Natalie sends me at least three pictures of the two of you together everyday.” Carmy chuckled at that, he hadn’t asked Natalie to do that but he appreciated it in the moment. “I don’t want her to have divorced parents and I-” you paused for a second “I don’t want to get divorced.” 

“You don’t want to get divorced?” Carmy repeated, making sure he’d heard you correctly.

“I don’t want to get divorced.” You said again. The comment left Carmy dumbfounded, “I’ve been thinking a lot, and I guess I realized you are sorry for all the shit you did. I said some really mean shit to you, and while it was somewhat deserved, I’ve been reflecting a lot, and- I don’t wanna get divorced. Do you?”

Carmy laughed at the obscurity of the question: “You initiated this baby. When I asked you to marry me, I meant it till death.” You sniffled at Carmy’s words and reached out for him. Carmy grinned and moved to hug you. Having you in his arms felt foreign, not in a bad way, but in an unfamiliar way. 

It wasn’t an overnight ‘get back together’. It took work, and the two of you were ready to do it.

[moonstruckme]

Feels like home by bae miller and Jessie reyez with Eddie. This just screams causal dominance. Like they go to a party her dress is rising up but she’s alittle too drunk or faded to care so he pulls it down and she drinks to much so the next morning he fills her in on all the shenanigans they got up to. And even tho she does not like metal music she keeps the records in her room for him. So like after the party they come back to her place(I’m a sucker for Henderson reader) and then they take a nap after they wake up hung over and then stay up all night talking and being cuteeeeeee

Thanks for requesting honey! I forgot to include the part about the records, but I hope you like it anyway <3

cw: mentions of alcohol, hangover, blackout/missing memories

Eddie Munson x fem!reader ♡ 833 words

Eddie is a bit worried for himself. He’s woken up before you, face a whisper away from yours. Your mouth is open, a lazy river of drool pooling on his pillow, you’ve got total raccoon eyes going on after rubbing your eye makeup all over the place, and there is not one but two m&ms crusted to your cheek. And you’re the most beautiful thing Eddie’s ever seen. 

That’s got to be a problem, right? It can’t be good for his sanity to be this delusionally in love. 

It’s not long after he’s woken that you make a muffled whining sound, rolling onto your stomach. Eddie sets a hand between your shoulder blades, rubbing firmly. 

“Hey there,” he says, because he’s a selfish asshole who’d rather have you up with him than let you sleep. Whatever. He practically carried you home. You owe him one. 

You groan, a dragged-out sound of great hardship. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

“Fuck,” you whimper. 

“Hey, at least you didn’t throw up. Way to go, hot stuff.” He holds up your limp hand and high-fives it, grinning at his own stupid joke. 

You turn your head to the side, lids peeling open until dim slivers of consciousness are visible through your mess of makeup. “I didn’t?” 

Eddie chuckles at your confusion, giving your shoulder a loving squeeze. “No, you didn’t, baby. Don’t remember much about getting home, huh?” 

“Don’t remember much, period.” You start the miserable climb up the wall behind Eddie’s bed, clawing your way upright. An m&m falls from just under your cheekbone, leaving a small pink circle in its place. You reach up confusedly, brushing off the other one. “How did those get there?” 

Eddie shuffles closer to you, trading his pillow for your thigh. “You dug through a bag of trail mix for them before you knocked out.” 

Your lips pull to the side, considering, before you pick up the m&m and pop it in your mouth. “So, what did we do last night?” 

Eddie can’t honestly say it’s all crystal clear for him either. Some things stick out, like the image of your ass hanging out of your dress in the moments before he pulled the fabric down, over and over again, or the blissed-out look on your face when Eddie took a hit from his joint and blew the smoke into your waiting mouth. The feel of your lips against the shell of his ear when you leaned in close to whisper, I know we don’t like the same stuff, but can we agree that the music here is crap?

“You insisted on pissing on the Carver’s lawn on the way home from Sweeney’s place,” he reminds you. “I tried to stop you, but your ass is quick when you want something, you know that?” 

Your eyebrows raise a second before you nod approvingly. “Good. Very deserved, after what they did to you.” 

“My fucking hero,” Eddie drawls, twisting upwards to give you a kiss. It turns salacious fast, you burying your fingers in his curls and him sucking your bottom lip between his teeth. He climbs on top of you, hands bracketing your hips, and you make a magnificent keening sound a second before breaking away with a gasp. 

“Eddie,” you say breathlessly, an air of epiphany about you. “Eddie, you know what would be so good right now? Like, would be the best thing ever?” 

“What, sweet thing?” He rests his cheek against yours. Your hair smells like sweat and weed. 

“A McDonald’s hashbrown.” 

A chuckle rumbles through Eddie’s chest. “You’re still drunk.” 

He can hear the eye-roll in your voice. “Whatever, so are you. But doesn’t that sound good?” 

“Yeah, baby, it does.” He kisses your nose before leaning back to see you. “Two problems, though. McDonald’s doesn’t open for breakfast until five, and my van’s still parked at the curb outside Sweeney’s house.”

You go quiet, pensive. You start to chew on your lip, but Eddie thumbs it out from between your teeth, tutting. “Isn’t McDonalds on the way there?” you ask after a minute. 

He thinks about it. “I mean, if we go the way by the tracks, I guess it is.” 

You grin. “Then if we start walking now, we can hit it for hashbrowns on the way, and pick up your van after.” 

Eddie heaves a long-suffering sigh, letting his body slither down until his head rests on your lap again. 

You laugh, toying with the baby hairs at his temples. “C’mon, Eds, they’re gonna taste so good. Plus, you’ve gotta get your van anyway. Two birds, one stone.” 

“I know, my girl’s a fucking genius.” Eddie passes a hand over his face, steeling himself. “Okay, sweet thing, but you’re gonna have to change. I can’t be on dress duty when I’m double-fisting two hashbrowns.” 

You bend to kiss him happily between his eyebrows before shuffling out from under him. Eddie’s head hits the mattress, and he wonders if he might regret this.

[seungiepop]

𝑵𝒐 𝑵𝒖𝒕 𝑵𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒆𝒓

partayyy pt 2

pairing: enha x best friend reader

characters: all enha members, Shin Yuna (itzy), Choi Beomgyu (TXT), and Mark lee (NCT)

caution: sexual context (only implied on the legal line), cursing, the reader is an 03’ line with sunoo and yuna

genre: social media au and one shots

wc: 0.6k

part 1

Masterlist | previous | next

ⓝⓝⓝ

“Jake?”

The male peeped his head out, seeing Y/n looking around the room for him. “In here doll”

With a faint smile she made her way over to him, he was crouched down looking through his closet shelves. “What are you doing?” she asked, trying to see what he was looking for.

“I’ve hid some jane in here for this specific reason but i can’t seem to find it!” his voice slightly muffled as he dug even deeper.

From the corner of her eyes she could see the plastic bag in between the edge of the drawer in between his underwear. Leaning down she picked the baggy and swung in between his face “looking for this?”

Jake smiled, standing up and cradling her face placing a kiss on her cheek “I fucking love you!” about to take the baggie from her hands but she pulled it away

“aren’t you going to share?” she teased, slightly shaking the bag.

Jake chuckled “You know I’m not greedy baby”

Nodding her she handed him the bag “are you going let me give you your birthday present?” she asked, standing on her tippy toes to lean closer to his ear “i think you’ll enjoy it very much…” she hummed against his skin, spending shivers down his spine.

Jake felt the goosebumps crawling on his skin “you didn’t have to get me anything doll!” he chuckled, the nerves slowly crawling through his veins.

oh jakey

Y/n kissed down the exposed skin of his chest, slowly making her way down to his happy trail “you sure jake?” she looked up at him with slight widen eyes, the bottom of her lips slightly

pulled in between her teeth.

how am I going to resist with those eyes

fuck why isn’t beomgyu here interrupt again

Jake nodded his head

Fuck this shit

i’m the birthday boy

I deserve this

Nodding his head he grabbed a fisful of her hair, directing her to his aching hard on.

God these boys make it so easy

Y/n took the base cock, giving him a few strokes before slowly taking him in her mouth. The heavy warm feeling of his cock on her tongue made her hum, just loving the slight stretch around her lips. He was a bit more girthier than Heeseung but she didn’t mind, it made her mouth water slight more.

Are all cocks as pretty as there’s?

Dragging her tongue up and down the prominent vein of his leaky cock before taking him all in. Jake cursed, throwing his head back. The view of her watery eyes looking at him with his cock in her mouth almost sent him over the edge. “fuck just like that doll!” he moaned out, the feeling of hee tight warm throat just sucking him in was all too much.

“I'm gonna cum!”

Pulling away with pop she stock his cock at a quick pace, biting her lip as he leaned forwards and flexed his abs. A hand slamming on the closet wall to prevent him from falling over.

“Cum for me jakey!”

That’s all it took for him to let go. White ropes of cum squirting out of his swollen tip, he let out a staggering breath, his mind felt fuzzy and his body felt tingly.

Fucking hell

Jake had to stay still, the powerful orgasm almost getting to him “you okay?” she softly asked.

Her fingers combing back his sweaty hairs.

He nodded, taking a deep breath before looking at her “I’m fucked…”

Y/n bit her lip trying to contain her laugh but it was all too much, “oh baby you have no idea..” she cooed before placing a small kiss on his lips and walking out.

what the fuck just happened?

∙ ₒ✰. ∙✧. ∘ ₒ® ✦. ✰∙ ★ ∘ₒ © ∙ ₒ ✰ ∙ ✧ ∘ₒ ® ✦ ✰

taglist- @ilovecheese09 @namdeyuoi @moonshoon @xrr-s4sha @yannew @cup1dton @eternallyreid @heewonenthusiast @rikisly @parkhonnie @wvnkoi @slugism @yizhoutv @jakewife @bahngchatsfx @kangseulgithegreat @jinnisbaby @heeseungshim @wonswondrland @underneaththestarlight @theskzvibe @enhaz1 @kkaelie @firstclassjaylee @wonniie3 @lol6sposts @deobitifull

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

I am but a simple whore humbly requesting some frogging with a jealous frankie in a bathroom stall at a bar 😇 (I thought the gif might spark inspo or just rile you up like it did me)

congratulations on your milestone angel!!! you deserve it so much and I LOVE YOU MWAH 💘💋🫶🏻

a/n: honestly just how dare you plop this idea in my brain. how dare you. you know what you're doing... you know exactly what you're doing... like I don't fucking stop breathing every time I see him take off his belt..... ahhh I think I'm gonna pass out (also I never write smut with this little dirty talk, but that was just the vibe. needy, desperate, silent. at least the beginning, what I wrote... in my head they start screaming by the end)

word count: 887

∼ gentle reminder that feedback, but especially reblogs are the way you support writers on here ∽

masterlist | join my taglist | join my 3k celebration! 

“Wow, Frank,” you protest as the bison of a man pushes you into the vacant bathroom, “what are you doing here?” pushing his strong hands off of you as the door slammed behind him. 

“What am I-, what are you doing here?” he growled, towering over you. 

Crossing your arms, you scoffed at his audacity, “I am allowed to go out and have a drink.”

Narrowing his dark eyes at you, he shook his head lightly and uttered, “you were not just having a drink. If you wanted just a drink, then you would have stayed at home.”

“And why would you care?” you sighed, completely over his bullshit, wanting so badly to just push passed him and return to your reckless plan of blowing off some steam and perhaps finally getting over the bastard standing in front of you right now. 

His sturdy nose lightly twitched a second as his eyes drifted down your face, taking your breath away completely when he then unexpectedly reached out and pulled you into a fevered kiss. Reeling, a shuttering breath escaping your lungs as you eventually melted into the reality of what you had dreamed about for so long. 

“Because,” he pulled back, hands still lingering in your hair, “I can’t stand the thought of someone else so much as looking at you.”

Instead of scrambling your brain for the right words to respond with, you simply let your body lead and yanked his head back down to capture his lips with your own once more. Soon your tongue was dancing across his as you clawed at each other's bodies in order to get closer to one another. Hands palming the curve of your ass through the thin material of your flowy, floral dress, you let out a breathy yelp as his greedy hands suddenly grew impatient and scooped you up, drawing you that much closer to his warm body. 

Your lips jolted away from his as your back swiftly bumped into something, his stumbling feet haven carried you into one of the stalls. Letting your head rest back against the thin wall, you glanced down at Frank with hooded eyes as he slowly lowered you back down to your feet, letting his touch linger as he did so, gliding his warm palms down your sides and with his eyes locked on yours, gently fiddled with the hem of your dress. 

Goosebumps visible on your tingling skin, your own fingers dug into the fabric at your sides as you slowly hitched it up for him. Your knees nearly buckled as you then saw him sink down onto the cold tile, kneeling before you as he helped you expose yourself to him. 

Keeping his eyes on yours, his scratchy chin tickle your thigh as he began to slowly pepper pecks along your tender flesh and your body fell back against the stall completely. Running his wide palm up along your other leg, soon coming into contact with your underwear, you sucked in a needy breath as his broad thumb skimmed over the wet spot adorning the cotton, pressing down even more fiercely as your hips bucked in search of more. 

Hooking his finger in the fabric as his pillowy lips neared your centre, your pulse impossibly clear in your needy pearl, he tugged your soaked panties to the side and let a desperate groan rumbly deep within his throat as he took in the sight of your glistening folds. 

You clasped your hand over your lips as you felt his tongue began to swipe through your folds, nuzzling closer and bumping the bridge of his nose insistently against your clit as he sloppily made out with your pussy. 

Sinking into the long-yearned-for sensation, gazing down at him in awe, your eyes then grew wide as the sound of the lavatory door opening suddenly found your ears. Freezing up, your knee swiftly bumped his shoulder, pushing him off of you as you clutched your palm even harder against your lips, the summery dress flowing back down around your thighs. 

Not giving the boisterous audience a second thought, Frank simply slammed the stall’s door shut, twisted the lock and rose to his feet. Lower half of his face glossy with your desperation, breathless, he slumped back against the opposite wall and stared at you electrically. 

Your shoulders bounced in a giggle, accompanying the light shake your head offered as you listened to the drunks' conversation and reeled in the ridiculousness of this whole situation you had stumbled into. But when you looked back into Frank’s espresso eyes, it all melted away and you realised just how much you wanted this. You wanted him so much that you didn’t care where it was or who heard. You just wanted him.

Your hand finally dropped from your lips as your eyes too lowered, nearly letting out a whimper as you gazed at the palpable tent in his dark jeans. Absentmindedly, still on the other side of the stall, your deprived hand reached out and grabbed at the air between you. 

Catching your hand in his, your eyes briefly flickered up towards his, catching his cocky smirk before you glanced down again to see his free fingers begin to work at his leather belt, unhurriedly undoing the buckle as he gave your hand a squeeze.

© 2023 thyme-in-a-bubble 

[kanmom51]

I see the "Jimin gave Dior their highest stocks" argument circulating on Twitter and on Tumblr. Wanted to add my two cents: Stocks don't work that way. One single person being named brand ambassador won't influence stocks in a mega way. Not even our bestest, cuty-sexy-lovely It-boy.

Two things:

a) what influences stocks is quite complex and it's difficult to pin it down to just one factor and trying to determin what impact that one factor had b) Dior's stocks have been pretty good since September last year. And the rise in stock since Jimin was named brand ambassador wasn't that high. That's not because Jimin being brand ambassador wasn't impactful. Because it obviously was. But again, stocks are a bit more complicated than that. Also during times of crisis, luxury brands are always quite successful, since rich people usually aren't affected by those times of crisis. Sucks, but that's how it is

Still Jimin being brand ambassador is a highly successful move for both sides. Jimin holds a lot of brand power. He gets Dior a lot of recognition and gets people to shop Dior products. And of course since the new money is in Asia, naming a big asian celebrity as brand ambassador is a very clever move. And right now Jimin is one of the most famous celebrities. People can be pressed about that all day long. Won't stop the Jimin effect and won't stop people from running into Dior stores, lol (and maybe soon Tiffany stores?). And like clockwork, everyone shading Jimin for being lazy just dug their own graves. When I see people complaining about Jimin being lazy, it majorly pisses me of. But I also know I just need to sit back and wait for Jimin to do his thing. Chefs kiss.

Very well said. I completely agree.

Saying JM being announced ambassador for Dior has their stock at an all time high is so very simplistic and kinda wrong.

It is very possible that the announcement itself, on the day, caused a spike in the stock price, that would be a momentary influence, nothing more.

Just like @guacamoli-avocadorado mentioned, the stock market and stock prices are much more complex than that. Many more influences, inside brand influences and outside world influences, other stock markets are at play here. For instance, a fall of the Wall Street stock market will influence other stock markets all around the world and stocks in those markets, even if they have zero to do with Wall Street will most likely take a hit.

I would like to add some more though.

Yes, stock prices are important to assess a company's worth, but at the end of the day, the success of a brand is not in it's stock prices.

It's in the profit it makes selling their products. Cost versus income, as simple as that. The more the brand is profitable, the more successful it is. The more profit there is to divide out as dividends to their shareholders, the happier the shareholders are in it's management.

Cost and profit.

And JM is a cost, probably a very big one, but he's also an unbelievable investment for Dior. The buying power JM holds is immense, not only in the Asian markets but add to that international Army.

I mean, just go online to see how many Army have been out on shopping sprees buying Dior products all because JM was announced as ambassador. Buying clothes he wore, bags he carried, make up he had on.

Now that's buying power, and that's also a good investment.

JM is a money maker, and that's why they snatched him, Mr. brand reputation king.

Talking about brand reputation rankings, JM no. 1 and JK no. 3 - when are we finally going to be hearing who snatched JK up, eh? I guess it's all about timing, cause we know these deals are months in the making. But it sure is coming.

Dior did more than good to land JM. Good business is what it was, and every JM hater out there, well, boo to you you idiots. JM is the king, case in point.

JM might have done that by mistake, but that's exactly what the haters deserve. Instead they got a little of the very famous JM/JK Karma.

And those sounds, the screechers calling JM lazy, those sounds were silenced. Boy's been working non stop, recording, filming, shooting, being cooed by Dior from the second the solo path was announced.

This same claimed lazy JM is in tip top shape, able to move his body, do things that no other member of BTS can, not even our super fit, Mr. boxing and exercising all the damn time Jungkook.

You aren't able to control your body like that by being lazy. And that's just the latest example.

JK has spoken about what a hard worker JM is, how he admires him for it. But you know, Jikook are scripted, so probably doesn't mean a thing, right?

Yoongi said it too, but again, he's BTS, it's all a falsehood they are trying to sell us.

Then how about Taeyang then? Is he part of the BH JM propaganda machine?

I think you all know my thoughts about it, right?

I'm just as pissed as you @guacamoli-avocadorado.

Hell, JM, as per usual, quietly, humbly, shows them all exactly who he is, what he's made of and what he's worth (if only we had access to that ambassadorship contract for Dior - my guess is a shit ton of money).

And folks, believe me when I say this is just the start.

Stream Vibe.

[madsworld15]

Chapter 4 Section 2 of Heal Me, Hold Me, Make Me, Know Me.

QAF Brian/Justin. Asexual Spectrum Representation. Series Retelling AU.

Thanks always to @winderlylandchime @maryp50 and @lostcol for supporting me! Enjoy!

~~~~~

Brian watched Justin leave with his bag in hand. He wanted to tell the young man that he cared about him, that they were still good. He needed to tell Justin that he was simply in a terrible headspace because he’d been forced to spend the day with his mother attending her extremely homophobic church. Brian knew all of these things should’ve been explained and that Justin would understand if he did, but his ego wouldn’t let him.

Instead, he was left in his loft alone but desperately wishing he wasn’t. For the first time in his life he hated that he wasn’t sharing his personal space with someone else. He wanted Justin to come back so much it hurt. He needed Justin almost as much as he needed air.

Woah. That’s a dangerous thought.

Brian rubbed his hand across his mouth and decided he would much rather be anywhere else right now, but he didn’t know where he could go at 3am. Most of his haunts were starting to close up shop. He needed a drink, but he also kind of wanted a bowl of warm, carb-filled pasta.

Without another thought he headed to his Jeep so he could drive over to Deb’s. He was sure that was where Justin might’ve gone too, but he wasn’t going to push things with the young blonde. No, right now he needed his mom — the only true mom he’d ever known.

She opened her door with a stern look on her face after his second rap. Without a word she let him in. Upon closing the door behind him she reached up and smacked the back of his head. Brian didn’t even complain because he knew he deserved it. The smack also let him know that she knew everything that had happened, which meant he wouldn’t have to explain himself.

Brian trudged into the kitchen where Vic sat at the table. He had a mug of tea in front of him while he picked at a slice of cake.

“Couldn’t sleep.” Vic looked up at Brian, “What’s your excuse, Kinney.”

Brian shrugged and sat down. “Take your pick.”

“Saint Joan or fucking with the one person who believes in your goodness beyond reason. Yeah I’d say either one is going to piss you off and make you look like a shithead.” Vic raised his mug to the younger man. “But we both know it’s all a self-deprecating front to keep yourself safe.”

Debbie walked into the room and gave a scoff. She crossed to the fridge and pulled out a Tupperware.

“Chicken Baked Ziti?” Debbie offered the Tupperware toward Brian who silently nodded.

She dished some into a bowl and threw it in the microwave. Brian knew from the silence that she was going to let him have it once she was ready. It was something he wasn’t looking forward to and he hoped she’d let him eat some pasta first.

A few minutes later, Debbie sat down next to him and slid the bowl of warm cheesy pasta in front of him. Brian immediately dug in and without having to ask, Debbie also placed a beer in front of him.

“I know seeing your mother is its own special brand of torture, but to take it out on Justin…” Debbie started once he was halfway done with his food.

“Stay out of it.” Brian turned to glare at her.

“Now you listen here you little shit.” Debbie wagged her finger at him. “You came to my home which gives me every right to protect that boy! I care about him. All you care about…”

Brian pushed the bowl away and reached for the beer. He knew she knew him better than anyone, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.

“Getting my dick sucked. Yes, Emmett and Justin made it very clear. Can we please talk about ANYTHING else?!”

“You seem to have forgotten that you came to my house. And I don’t want to see Justin hurt.” Debbie practically yelled at him.

Brian found his mood teetering closer to annoyance than sympathy or regret for his actions.

“Well, that’s life. Better he learn it now.” Brian shrugged, putting his wall up hoping it would stop Debbie or Vic but it didn’t.

“I know you don’t actually feel that way.” Vic muttered under his breath. Barely drawing attention to himself. Brian looked toward him with a glare.

Part of him had hoped coming here would mean comfort carbs and an understanding presence. While the other part, the part he was most at war with, hoped Debbie would read him the riot act and allow him the ability to show how awful he actually felt about his actions.

“You think you’ve got everybody fooled, don’t you? Well not me, honey. I’ve known you too long and regrettably too well.” Debbie took on a softer, more motherly tone. “And no matter how hard you try to deny it, I can tell you care as much about him as he cares about you.”

Brian bit his lip and looked over to make eye contact with the woman. He fiddled with the label on the bottle before him.

“Only you ain’t got the big hairy cajones to say it.” Debbie fixed him with a knowing stare.

“Oh well maybe I can borrow yours.” Brian gave her his best sarcastic eye roll and drank from the bottle.

“Yeah well hey, whatever it takes.” She smirked and paused before continuing. “Do admit that you love him. And I know that you do. Despite all your efforts to never let another heart touch yours. That’s assuming you have one.”

Brian leaned over and hung his head. Everything she was saying was correct and he knew it. But that didn’t make hearing it any easier.

“That little persistent kid has somehow gotten in under the wire. And that’s what’s happened, huh.” Debbie reached out and smoothed her hand over Brian’s hair. It was a level of intimacy he only allowed from a select number of people.

“Admit the truth.” Brian looked at Debbie, unsure if she was really that perceptive and was going to say what he’d been trying to avoid thinking about since Justin moved in. “You love him, don’t you?”

Instead of answering, Brian leaned his head onto his hands and let out the breath he’d been holding for the last few seconds. Debbie had proved once again that she saw deeper under his walls than he would like, but appreciated it nonetheless.

“I thought so. Then tell him. Tell him what you could never tell Michael.” And with the mention of her son, Debbie motioned her eyes up to indicate Justin was upstairs.

Brian took one more swig from the bottle, sucked in his lips, and then stood up. Vic gave him a wicked grin of mischief and encouragement. It was the most unserious thing about the whole situation and was what spurred Brian on in the end. He walked out of the kitchen and skipped up the stairs.

Upon reaching the landing, Brian paused. He knew Justin was mad at him and he wouldn’t be surprised if the young man didn’t want to see him. But, he was there already, he might as well try. He knocked on Michael’s door and his heart ached at the voice that responded.

“Debbie, I know you’re worried but I’m fine.”

Brian leaned his head against the door and sighed. He quietly responded.

“I’m not Debbie, but I’d say you don’t sound fine.”

Brian’s heart clenched at the soft sniffles he could hear from the other side.

“Brian?” Justin’s voice was tinged with sadness and hope all at once. “Haven’t you done enough?”

Brian deserved that, but it didn’t make him hate it any less.

“Can I please come in so we can talk. I know I said some things I shouldn’t have.”

Brian stepped back to avoid falling forward when Justin opened the door suddenly.

“Careful, that sounds perilously close to an apology.” Justin bit his lip and gave a half smile while looking up through his lashes.

“Yeah, well I’m not totally opposed to apologies when I’m wrong.” Brian gave a shy smile. “I asked you to move in because of your attack, but that’s not why I want you to stay.”

Justin stepped away from the door letting Brian in. The brunette watched as the blonde worked through Brian’s statement in his head. It was clear that the younger man wanted to forgive him but was also wary of being made a fool by doing so.

“Okay so you want me to stay, but something has to change.” Justin turned to look Brian in the eye, “I won’t go back to feeling invisible.”

Brian couldn’t find his voice so he simply nodded until he could.

“This doesn’t mean we are suddenly married. Because I don’t do that shit.” Brian reached out to put a hand on Justin’s shoulder. “It means that I like your company and I want to be with you. I’ve gotten used to having you around that I don’t particularly mind it anymore.”

“Wow. You are really selling me on your commitment.” Justin smirked and gave a small cheeky giggle.

“Watch yourself.” Brian volleyed back.

Justin stepped closer to Brian and more into his touch. “So what does this mean for us?”

“It means I promise I won’t ever bring a trick back to the loft again.”

“Okay.” Justin nodded, his eyes serious.

“Also, if I’m out late just know that I’m doing exactly what I want to be doing. And when I come home…” Brian paused, the words catching in his throat. “I’ll also be doing exactly what I want to be doing. Coming home to you.”

Justin nodded, and then he leaned in for a kiss. Once he pulled away he gave his response.

“I want some things too. You can have sex with anyone you want as long as it’s not more than once, and no names or numbers exchanged.”

Brian nodded easily, “Deal.”

“And I want you to promise that no matter what you are doing you always come home by 2.”

Brian’s gaze bore into Justin’s “By 4.”

“Three.”

Brian turned away from Justin slightly and then came back to him in resignation. “Fine, by 3.”

Justin pulled him in for another searing kiss before saying more.

“And one more thing.” Brian looked at Justin with sincerity while his brain argued that all these rules were more than he could muster.

“You don’t kiss anyone on the mouth. Except me.” Justin quirked his eyebrow as if challenging Brian’s ability to agree to all these stipulations.

Brian gave a small shake of his head, smirked, and then grabbed Justin’s face in both his hands and planted a deep kiss on his lips. Brian put all his nonstated love and emotions into that kiss. He wanted to be sure Justin understood he would follow these rules and any others if it meant keeping Justin.

After they pulled apart, Brian found himself grabbing Justin’s hand and leading him toward the bed.

“Can I stay here with you tonight?” Brian asked in a small voice.

“I’m not that kind of girl.” Justin responded, his tongue in his cheek.

Brian tucked his lips in as he smiled at Justin. He knew that in this moment he could be vulnerable and Justin wouldn’t judge him for it. So, he squeezed the hand that held Justin’s before he responded.

“I just don’t want to be alone tonight.”

Justin reached up to cup Brian’s cheek with his free hand. “Then come sleep with me.”

Then they exchanged a kiss, chaste but still filled with emotion. Brian leaned his forehead on Justin’s and closed his eyes. With a sigh he let go and pulled off his shirt and stepped out of his shoes and jeans.

The two got into Michael’s old twin sized bed, practically lying on top of each other, but somehow making it work. At this point, Brian’s nakedness didn’t make Justin uncomfortable. However, Brian was conscientious enough to make sure his thigh was all that made contact with Justin.

“I had to sit next to my mother today as her priest spouted off about loving your fellow man. And her interpretation of that was to tell me how sexual deviants were going to hell. She didn’t say homosexuals, but it was heavily implied.” Brian finally whispered to the dark room as the silence between them got to be too much.

“Your mom sounds a treat.” Justin muttered, his hand finding Brian’s and grabbing hold.

“That’s Saint Joan.” Brian sighed as he placed a soft kiss to the top of the young man’s head.

“I’m sorry.” Justin replied. His voice was filled with kindness and it made Brian appreciate the blonde that much more.

“That’s life. You can’t choose your parents.” Brian shrugged.

Nothing else was said between them as Brian and Justin both slipped into dreamland.

[70svampyr]

Watch Yourself

Pt.1 because I've been postponing this for so long that my reins of patience have finally snapped. Not much action in this part, except Billy's usual erratic behavior through the phone. Also mentioned a bit of Phyl in this because my girl deserves some love and I barely see her brought up.

WARNINGS! brief sexual language, creepy behavior, pills (I don't know if this should be a warning but I've seen people put it as such before so just in case), alcohol usage, gn! reader (rather they are just visiting the girls at the sorority or living there with them is up to interpretation.) 3k+ words.

edit: rereading this, I just realized I accidentally referred to the reader as "she" once. SO SORRY about that, I fixed the mistake to a proper pronoun! hopefully, that's all...don't be afraid to comment if you see another mistake and I'll gladly fix it.

Dread eased its way into the Pi Kappa Sigma sorority, a withered mask of weariness placed on top of the resident's exterior solid. A thick layer of frost encased the foundation of the estate and left a bitter imprint on the once nicely-looking establishment, marking its new territory. The harsh winters of Canada had made their appearance and took the drudgery to add another list of trepidations for the poor tenants that shook with the blistering winds. Batters of snow stacked on top of rooftops and devoured the driveways with its sharp canines, regaling the trees and encompassing the streets. The entire calamity resembled a rotting carcass, shaken to the bone and having premature icicles wilting from the milky muscles. The sorority girls of Pi Kappa Sigma, including you, felt like just on the edge of the cliff between falling to your demise and dulling the blades of the rock as it dug itself into your skin, illustrating your now lifeless body a pretty crimson-red; Flesh and bones becoming frozen on the shore from the vicious winter. Unless someone else does it first, saving you from this misery. Doubtfully so.

"Maybe he won't even call. The pervert's likely too busy with this harsh snowstorm as much as we are. He'll probably be shoveling up the snow off of his driveway so much to even consider calling us."

Phyl had been trying her best to lighten up the mood that had been drizzled with despondency and wariness. Not even an hour prior Barb had brought up the heinousness of it all and the talk of their little "prank caller" they'd been receiving for the past two months had slinked into the conversation. This had brought the girl's temper down at a frightening rate, now just recalling back to the ghastly phone calls this same man would initiate. They were sickening and perverted. It was the same damn thing every ring; him conversing about his carnal desire to plow his tongue in their nether regions and begging for his dick to be sucked─in summary. Profane rackets would be added to the mixture, not to mention pig sound reenactments and simply downright awful moans that none of the girls enjoyed. The vulgar phone calls had quickly become frequent, so the girls (more like Barb) had materialized up with the name "The Moaner" as an alias for their... unique guest.

The epithet fit, regarding how much he loves to moan into the receiver like he was deprived of it for all his life. So "The Moaner" stuck like honey. Except it wasn't sweet like honey, nor like chocolate or surgery sprite; something that you'd constantly want overlaying the base of your tongue and sizzling. It was more like the taste of copper, a taste seeping in between your teeth after biting down on your lip too harshly and letting the crimson liquid stain the skin of your chin and continue to rise back to the surface as you licked up the blood. It's not terrible the first time, sinking your teeth into the flesh of your lip, but overdo it and the metallic of it all begins to fester inside you, and all of a sudden it doesn't taste so tolerable.

Jess had circled the kitchen countertop to stand beside you while giving Phyl a kind, but dubious smile. "I don't know, Phyl. What if he doesn't even live in Toronto? Or Canada as a whole? He might live somewhere else, like Texas. It never snows up there." The proclamation coasted over the bungalow in a pristine bleak ambiance, eyes all equally passing back and forth towards each other, similar thoughts in each girl's mind, like a radio detector. You noticed the apparitions that now spelled the room, looming with a dark force, Jess's face lengthening into a hangdog right beside you. You began to feel guilty for not stepping up to Phyl's endeavor in a fresh atmosphere, but before you could even get a word out to arouse some kind of fresh air, the loud wail of the phone castigated your opportunity and brought an even gloomier vicinity.

"How fortunate." Barb sarcastically remarked as she carried another sip of her brandy. The acerbic beverage was just as broiling plummeting down her throat as the phone's ringing, everyone in the room knowing well who it could be. Not a soul dared to move across the space, too afraid and frankly too tired to handle what was on the other side. Regardless the ringing just kept going, until the noise finally got too pricking for you. Biting your tongue, you swerved the kitchen countertop and roughly picked up the plastic cable from its handset. "Hello?" Your voice was firm, yet just by reading between the lines, the habitue could easily tell how tentative you stood. You swiped the sweat off your brow as you anxiously waited for an answer, bouncing off of one leg and scratching the back of it with the other. Silence hovered above the outlying sound of static, your heavy breathing rolling as the singular proof of vitality. No one said a word, as if a ghost picked up the phone. "Uh- Hello?─"

"Just hang up, [Name]. It's probably him just fucking with you." Barb's resonant and hoarse voice scratched at you with its sharp claws from across where you stood; swaying back and forth for it was a habit of yours when the vines of impatience came creeping up higher and higher. Uneasiness too. You mulled over the brunette's words while still supporting the phone hooked to your ear, regarding the possibility that whoever was on the other line would finally gain the courage to speak. But as some more seconds passed and the sound of droning pervaded your ear, you let out a low sigh and lowered the phone. "Maybe it was the wrong number─?" Yet, whenever Clare's soft voice peeked up, the shrill of the phone echoed throughout the room once again. Not a ghost; If it was, it was a very teasing one. "That quick? Wow, he must be excited. Well go on, let's give this guy what he wants." Barb sat up from her place─, sprawled out onto the couch, holding a cup of brandy in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, ─and stumbled toward the phone with a tremble in her step. However before she could reach out for the crying device, you gently placed a hand on top of her chest and slightly pushed her away, shaking your head in a rejecting manner. You could see the look in her eyes, the underlying drunkness too clear not to notice. She was obviously intoxicated; It was best to leave Satan lingering at the door rather than have your inebriated friend piss him off and set the house ablaze. "No, Barb, you're too drunk to deal with him. Let's just all head to bed and call it a day. We don't need to end it on a much more terrible note than it already has."

Barb only scoffed at your proclamation, swatting your hand away from her dress shirt as if the touch scorned her, taking another gulp of her beverage like her very life depended on it. "I'm not that drunk! I can handle the son of the bitch! Plus, he's only gonna keep calling us until one of us picks up the phone. We might as well get over it." She eyed you like a piranha ready to forage, spitting out the words with fire. Nevertheless, you simply stood taller and kept your feet planted on the ground. "You're only gonna spur him on and add fuel to the crossfire. Trust me, the last thing we need is to piss him off, we don't know what kind of person he is. Now, go to bed. I mean it." Your words hung over the two of you in an icy blaze, and if it weren't for Jess coming up to rest a solacing hand on Barb's shoulder and tell her "they're right, we should go to bed", you would've been having to deal with Barb's violent episodes, certainly gaining a few bruises and a busted lip. With a coerced sigh, the brunette began walking up the stairs, before halting abruptly and twisting her body to face yours, a grim expression plastered on her complexion. "When he calls again, and again, and again until it drives the whole house crazy, you're gonna be the one picking it up." And with that, she went to bed.

Exhausted sighs washed over the tenancy room in sync the instant Barb's door slammed shut behind her. You silently thanked the divinities above for the tight-lipped exchange of agreement that was masked over with a dreary exhale. A low yawn from Clare broke the brief stillness and placed a cheeky smile on her pale face, slightly flushed from the cold. "I think I'm gonna head to bed as well. This day has drained me of dignity." Her candied-laced voice brought a few nods in understanding, a hushed giggle from Phyl, and numerous eyes tracing her figure spiraling up the staircase and to her coffin. Clare's retreat seemed to construct a rolling dice match; once she entered her bedroom, Jess had bid her good nights as well, then Phyl followed suit, until only you stood in the kitchen space, wide awake with the underlying fatigue. But you knew you wouldn't be able to fall asleep just yet, so you stayed put. You watched Phyl track up the carpeted stairs before she suddenly turned around to face you. "Thanks for that─ you know, with Barb and all. I'm sorry she can be such a priss, but you know she would feel extremely guilty for hurting you. Anyways, good night- Oh! And try not to stay up too late. Remember to take your pills once─"

"I know, I know! I've got the drill memorized Phyl, you don't have to remind me." You waved your hands in exaggeration as you earnestly attempted to shoo the curly-haired girl away. "Plus, I know Barb would never consciously hurt me, but hey, she can throw a few good punches." you couldn't stop a laugh from slipping out, Phyl chuckling along with you. "Now go get some sleep. You need it more than me." All she gave you in retort to that was a vacillating smile, before trotting upstairs and entering her room, gaining her once solitariness. You monitored her with a similar grin on your complexion. You cherished Phyl and all of the other sorority sisters as if they were your own blood, even Barb who was an alcoholic, but you didn't need them plaguing you like pigeons swarming a clutter of scattered peanut kernels. It wore you, as much as you didn't like to admit it; you needed your space as much as they needed theirs. And that came with being able to memorize when to take your zaleplon.

The resonate of stillness leaped off the walls with an eerie calmness to it, the distant racket of something ricocheting up in the attic remaining as the only noise to materialize. You brushed it off for the rats scurrying inside the house; it's become a recent convulsion that you quickly learned to overlook. Your eyes trace towards the stack of dirty dishes that sat In the equally dirty sink, its essence taunting you in a way that screamed for help. A wave of grimace washed over you at the tainted scenery, complying with the demands it spoke without a lip to invoke it. You made sharp work of rolling up the sleeves of your top and wrenching on the faucet, letting the water get poaching hot underneath your fingertips, and seizing a bottle of dish soap out from underneath the sink. An odd notion crept in the back of your head, recalling back to the sicko that had a guilty pleasure in harassing the sorority's phone line.

'I wonder if he "enjoys" washing the dishes as much as I do.'

─

The cognate clock on the paint-peeled wall ticked within your work time, a grating reminder and alarm of how vastly time passed as you set out your responsibilities. The snow had not lessened throughout clattering dishes and rinsing dish soap, preferably amassing up more and concocting an upheaval for the impending sunrise. You hummed to a jolly Christmas tune ─although couldn't fathom remembering what exact song, ─ with a newfound sense of clarity that shimmered in front of you like a dazzling star as you scrubbed at your last plate. Once you had turned off the sink and positioned the now soaking-wet ceramic on the laid-out kitchen towel, the sound of the phone going off brought a startled yelp out of you, the shrieking noise slicing through the air with its sharp, tantalizing knife, narrowly missing the flesh of your skin. 'Jesus fuck.' you grasped onto the cotton above your beating heart like a sheathing barrier, withholding a glare aimed at the maneuvering device that jerked in its handset with deduction. It looked as if the caller was desperate for you to pick up, screeching how badly they wanted to hear your voice throughout the receiver, hear it bark at them with such resentment that rippled a burning crackle of fire downwards. And maybe they did. Perhaps that was what lied behind the harmless gadget. However, that was unbeknownst to you.

Throwing the paper towel you were utilizing to dry your hands off on top of the marble counter, you trudged toward the screaming telephone and harshly picked it up, silencing the ring and lifting it to the front of your ear. "Hello?" You had said for the second time that night, uneasiness already seeping its way through the crevices of your bones and aligning your insides, Its long, twig-like arms enveloping themselves around your heart and squeezing it like a vice. At first, nothing. Just the sound of static and what you could make out as a subtle shuffle, but no words. "Hello? Who is this?" attempting at your voice again, you immediately were greeted with (dare you say, very realistic) reenactments of pig snorts. "He─"

"Pretty piggy! Pretty, pretty piggy!"

Your speech was interrupted by a voice that resembled a mix of nails on a chalkboard, and a busted windshield with cracks spiraling across the glass. "Oh. It's you again." was all you were able to muster up, clear annoyance laced with your words, before the male switched to making slurping noises like a light switch. "Let me liii ick it! Lick your pretty, pink─" Vulgurties already began to spew their way out of his mouth, the carnality and the pictorial of it all reaching towards you with its repulsive tongue, driving you to impulsively back away from the phone. It didn't take long for the caller to bring in his roundabouts of elaborating on his horniness and bragging about his dick, the slurping noises only obtaining louder and more explicit that you could virtually feel his spittle through the receiver. 'Gross fuck.' was all that you ruled to think during the esprit of the phone call. You could only handle so much until the wires snapped and you finally had your fill. "Listen, I hate to break it to 'ya, but these phone calls of yours are getting old. If you want to keep calling, be my guest, but at least change up the act. We're all sick and tired of your crap, and we could give less than two shits about how big your dick is. So either stop calling or makeup something new." you couldn't help yourself from snapping; the act was growing old, and the troubling frigid weather that you already had to deal with had given you a bit of a push. You didn't hesitate to hang up the phone.

Yet, of course, that didn't seem to be enough to scare off the male, as the ringing merely came for the umpteenth time, not even letting a second pass after you had abandoned the prior call. "Jesus Christ...What?!" you practically screeched into the receiver, fed up and exhausted for the night, your cup overflowing with crises. A resonate of giggles greeted you not-so-warmly, a vein beginning to appear on your forehead as you rubbed at your nasal. "M-Mommy's mad...real mad..." the male murmured between giggles, his luny cheerfulness bubbling up back to the surface, the rest of his insanity tied together in a swirl of madness. "G-Gonna...H-Have to punish...Discipline! You have to learn to discipline, Billy! Or else the baby will never learn! Learn from your mistakes! Mistakes, mistakes, MISTAKES!" The voices used seemed to alternate between a thunder of an angry older male and a younger one, paralleling a conversation between father and son.

"Punish pretty piggy...yes...punish, punish, punish, punish─"

You rolled your eyes to cover up the growing uncomfortableness, sensing the male's delirium within his odd speech. Responding with a familiar bite, you pressed the phone closer toward the flesh of your ear. "So you still live with your mother? I can't say I'm surprised. And I think I'm gonna have to pass on being 'punished'." All he did in response was laugh. Laugh after laugh after laugh, until he finally cracked and never stopped, even for a minute.

Amid his ongoing fit, you suddenly recalled that you still needed to take your pills. Placing the phone on top of the table it was residing at, face-up, you strolled towards the kitchen and opened up one of the cupboards, taking out two tablets from their dwelling and setting them aside on the marble counter, all while the faint sound of deranged laughter sufficed the room. 'What the hell is this maniac laughing about?' you pondered while you fetched your mug of water and swallowed down the tablets smoothly. Even once you crawled back to the telephone, what sounded like shattering windshields did not subside.

"What? You got a joke to tell me? You better make it quick then, I doubt your mom will appreciate you staying up this late, harassing a sorority house for that matter." the words slipped from your lips before you could even lasso them back in, and immediately, the male halted his antics. An uncanny silence poised over you for the third time that night as you gulped down nothingness, omitting your growing anxiousness. The pang of regret was already beginning to web around you, its spidery legs creeping all over your body as you waited patiently. 'Did I piss him off? Did I royally fuck up?'

You almost jumped as a normal voice spoke close to the receiver.

"I'm going to kill you." prevailed as the final thing you heard before the line went dead in your clutch, a sudden waft of chilliness sawing through you.

'What the fuck.'

Tentatively, you placed the phone back down in its respective compartment─hopefully for the last time that night─and paced two steps back from its plateau. His words dispersed inside your brain as you tried to collect your bearings, the frost-bite tone he held swelling louder and louder, drumming against your skull. A shaky sigh managed to escape your lips as you gathered yourself, mentally face-palming. "Stupid, he just said that to scare you. No need to be so worked up." you softly muttered as you glared daggers toward the plastic cable. With a final scoff, you stomped towards the light switch connected to the kitchen and flicked it off, allowing yourself to be bathed in darkness and take on whatever is obscuring among it. A yawn almost instantly evaded you afterward, feeling your exhaustion take its final bows. Not even bothering to take one last finalized glance at the house, you ambled up the carpeted staircase and made your way across your enclosure, not distinguishing the hazel-green eyes boring into the back of your head, pissed off and blood lust surfacing.

tearing my hair out, this took so fucking long and it's only pt.1. I know this might've been a little boring, but I swear the next part will actually have some mind-fucking because I believe billy would enjoy that type of torture. take this as a sample of me trying to get better at my writing. -cora

[simpingandshitposting]

Don't worry there's no spoilers in this post (unless ur super perceptive and read into things then idk this might be a spoiler)

But I just got the BIGGEST My Hero Academia spoiler about Dabi and im having a whole conniption right now😭

And I wanna talk about it SO BAD but I don't want to spoil anyone else bc spoilers suck and most ppl hate it.

Back when I first started watching MHA which was just like a few months before S6 was released, when I first saw Dabi's character I IMMEDIATELY fell in love with him.

Now...I'm not someone that goes out and looks for spoilers cuz I don't really like being spoiled. But sometimes I get spoilers anyways 😭 but it doesn't bother me too much, mostly bc 9 times out of 10 I'll completely forget about it by the time I get there in the show anyways lmfao (the ADHD habit of literally forgetting everything 5 seconds after it happens)

But the ONE and ONLY time I actually purposely sought information/ spoilers was right after Dabi was introduced and I wanted to know absolutely everything there was to know about this man, and I was too impatient to wait for it to come up in show (especially since this was before S6 release so TECHNICALLY him being a Todoroki was still a spoiler for anime only ppl)

Therefore, I dug up everything I could and there are lots of things I know about Dabi's back story that even still are not in the anime, however, THIS information that i just got was very much so new to me😭😭

And while maybe this might not be as big of a spoiler as I'm making it out to be, it certainly feels that way as a Dabi fan

I don't even know any of the details, or how it happens, or when, or what triggers it, I just know the singular detail of information and that it's from the final arc

And again, maybe I'm over reacting 😭 cuz I really love Dabi SO MUCH and this bit of info just like is such a game changer. And it's really such a slap in the face to Enji (deserved) and also it's like...So fucking awesome, but when u really think about it, it's a bit sad in some ways?? Bc of all the trauma he had to go thru in order to get here, and how that really could have been avoided if Enji wasnt such an abusive father.

And also like.... the relationship this could have created between Shoto and his older brother🥲 I know Dabi hates him because of the favoritism Enji played and Shoto got everything that he felt like he deserved, and all of the attention that he craved. But like honestly i wish for nothing more then for them to have the wholesome sibling relationship that I see is fanarts😭😭 bc both of them deserve so much love, especially after how they were both abused by the same man, just in different ways. And I feel like, if Touya had been allowed a normal childhood, this new info would have created a bond between them that just would have been so sweet and wholesome 😭😭

I just want him to feel loved🥲 but I'm like fr losing it over this spoiler even tho it was a such a tiny piece of information and I just needed to say SOMETHING while still trying my best not to spoil others

I hope this didn't give anything away 😭 I feel like it's pretty vague but idk some ppl are super perceptive so if this spoiled it for you then I am so so sorry😭😭

[pikawarrior]

Welcome back to reaper talks bitches, i just finished my first playthrough of Shadows Over Loathing and have already started on my second and

Oh.

My.

Gods.

I fucking love this game. I mean its made by the people who made of my favorite games ever, West of Loathing so yeah im gonna enjoy it.

But this, this is new, this limits me in sooo many different ways but also opens up the game in ways i couldnt have imagined

[Alot of spoiler filled ramblings of a mad man slightly broken by a weird time/dimension loop that are only vaguely understandable under the cut]

Okay first off, not picking you class right at the very very start is great weirdly enough, atleast for me.

It gave me time to see the world through the basic unfiltered lens of someone who has an idea whats to come cuz of me playing the previous game but also no clue as the game hasnt given me any story yet.

Literally, it starts off with you having a copy of LOOK magazine on your face. You also get to really choose your look or well hair situation mainly, you're a stick person hair and accessories are all you got and its early game soooo

But anygays, it doesnt give you story till thr bus ride and even then you dont know your class or if there will even be classes!

I choose pigskinner or whatever my head is running at a million miles per hour rn cuz this hyperfixation is really new and free so double the speed of thoughts

And yeah i could have tried something new especially since 2 out of my 3 wol saves were that game's pigskinner class (cow puncher(?)) But come on, i like my familiar class also i suck as magic/effect heavy builds outside of my spamming of stuff like bleed or on fire

But anygays, the uncursing stuff is super fun tho pretty confusing. Thankfully you cant mess them up to my knowledge, they really test you puzzle skilss and you remembering that most things in this game are interactable (very very important)

Also omg i love any chance to piss a narrator and there are some great ones, the main ones that i can remember rn is the one about you working at all these different places and even being employee of the month despite you either being super young or not born at that time. And the one about you digging wet globs of hair out of sinks, mainly at frat houses. Gross i know, but i fucking dug through every single spittoon in wol, nothing can stop me anymore

The narrator def regrets following this dumbass (me) around but they cant leave so HA

But back to the uncursing, the sickle curse was actually super scary. Like that scarecrow was after ME, not the person i was currently in the body of, no he was after ME, my character also nick come on buddy you dont take loans/favors from The Shadows, thats like rule #265, your ass deserved a lawnmowing.

Also wtf i got sent the lawnmower i made with a note that said "see you in 66 years" or something like that. Like HELLO???? WHICH BITCH GOT MY ADDRESS AND WHO WANTS A PIECE OF ME AND MY LAWNMOWER

Seriously the sickle curse was hands down the scariest part of a game ive played in years and ive somewhat play resident evil 7

Also gods i love the to do list, don't get me wrong i loved asking my companions for reminders but this is super convenient and go for when my companion cant you know, accompany me somewhere

Plus being able see everything together and whats a main quest vs a side quest helps. And making my own notes in game helps since i still havent gotta a notebook for my gaming notes yet

Also the whole thing with the mob was great, 10/10 i love being chaotic and getting paid the big bucks for it. Seriously its worth it and theres even some more pacifist options in those quest lines to. Im very much a nice person to my core despite my nature darkness and chaos, so being able to handle things nicely or well with limited blood shed is nice. Also helps with you, like me, tend to avoid battles you dont gotta fight. Its also a nice puzzle sometimes cuz i cant just shove like 9 different thing down my throat and kick ass. Its one potion and one food at a time.

The combat is definitely different but more in a "its harder to be able to wipe everyone out in seconds" then a "heres a whole new system to learn good luck"

In wol its stupidly easy atleast for me to become a lesser god and wipe out half the map basically even during early game. Tho thats mainly cuz of my past experience and cuz i was raised really good and weirdly so my skills work with this-

But in sol the fights are actually pretty tough, i found myself really rationing my items out even in late game but also heavily relying on them and effects

Which btw go fucking on items and stuff that cause effects like bleed and on fire, trust me its actually kinda necessary

Also the last(?) fight (and the optional golem fight) are like stupidly hard even with all tbr help (finale(?)) While the golem is apparently a push over yet also god number two idk im working on it, apparently they didnt play test it and honestly it kinda shows (neutral)

ALSP WTF IS THAT BITCH AT THE FUNAL LIKE HOKY HELL DO NOT BE AFIARD MY ASS THAT A BIBLICALLY ACCURATE ANGEL WITHOUT WINGS RIGHT THERE AND ITS ABOUT TO SEND ME TO HELL PERSONALLY

Also i fucking lost, i can go back but i decided to learn from my mistakes by starting fresh instead of fixing them after they've already been made

AND im gonna help more people, im gonna save those two kids from that monster that haunts their family, im gonna help rufus find my past/other self from the first game, IM GONNA HELP EVERYONE I CAN ESPECIALLY THE ONES I FAILED BEFORE

Reaps now signing off to work on MEP parts see yall in like another 6 months

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

not 2 exaggerate or anything but youre my absolute fav writer on tumblr 💥💥💥💥💥 im a big fan of domestic/comfort/simple, warm moments type of genre in fics and your works just rlly scratch that specific itch in my brain. whatever fics u post im like yo.... this is everything im looking for in a fic..... wheres the source from..... r u sucking them out from my brain be honest have u dug a hole already and using me for popularity 🤨🤨🤨 (/J)

might be bc im on my period or wtv but i was gg thru your masterlist ytday night before gg to sleep and i cried while reading "i've alw loved the way you eat," "i dream now of a normal life with you," and "ask me to leave and i'll stay forever." like jfc theres such a specific type of intimacy and soft moments you convey through your words SO WELL i physically feel my heart melting reading them. like UGH esp in "i dream now of a normal life with you" where suguru is just so soft and sappy over reader im just like UGHHHH I WANT SOMEONE TO LOVE ME LIKE THAT AND FOR ME TO RETURN BACK THE SAME LOVE, IF NOT MORE TOO!!!!!!!!!

u get it, u rlly do - honestly u have the best fanon hcs and characterization of suguru i love that man sm so to see him so accurately represented rlly makes me so happy tq for understanding him....... sometimes i see a mischaracterization so bad in a fic i just have to close the app and touch grass LMFAOOOO but u get it.... u rlly do.... never once posted a wrong hc about suguru.... op ur brain <333 u make me so happy i love u sm thanku for creating such beautiful fics i alw come back to reread a bunch of ur stuff, they never get old, it's literally everything im looking for. idc how "boring" hurt/comfort fics r, like even if there's no drama, sometimes simple is best and u do it so, so well thanku op i lov u muacks ❤️

anon ……….

you are . the sweetest in the whole wide world. in the universe. u genuinely don’t UNDERSTAND how big my smile was when i saw this…. melted into a tiny little puddle on the floor

I LOVE YOU….. 🥺🥺🥺 i love you forever and ever and i’m so thankful for your support!!!!! i don’t even know where to begin i’m so overwhelmed pbdkdbdj (AFFECTIONATELY)…. YOU CALLING ME YOUR FAV WRITER? IS SO INSANE??? AND SUCH AN HONOUR????? i cried a bit ngl i’m just. very very thankful T_T but anon.. you can’t expose me like that </3 how am i supposed to get my daily dose of clout if you go around telling ppl abt the ideas i steal directly from your brain???? smh /j ily <3

I’M. just. so unbelievably happy that my writing can mean something to you 😭 and make you feel something!!!! when i hear that ppl cried reading one of my fics i always get so . emotional. it just means so much!! i don’t want you to cry but i’ll accept your tears happily :’3 i hope they were sappy tears and not Sad Tears…..

ON THAT NOTE. THE SAPPINESS. THE SOFTNESS. YES. i’m so happy you could feel it bc most of my fics rlly are just intimacy and nothing else and!! i rlly like writing them that way….. m just happy you enjoyed reading them too :’’’3 i dream, now, of a normal life with you is very near n dear to my heart so!!!! i’m overjoyed that you liked that one in particular 🥺🥺🥺 it just makes me feel so happy and appreciated and . i want to explode a bit. soft sappy sugu is best sugu!! i’m sure you’ll find a love like that some day anon <33 we all deserve it!!

ON THE TOPIC OF SUGU. there truly sincerely is nothing i love hearing more than anons who tell me i do sugu justice. IT MEANS SM TO ME…. he’s so complex and multifaceted and knowing that my own take on him can resonate w anyone makes me soooooo happy…. 🥺🥺 and you saying i have the best characterization of him????? just makes my soul want to ascend. sniffle. thank you!! he’s our golden boy and i love him very much…. honestly i’m way more picky abt gojo than sugu when it comes to mischaracterization but i understand you completely anon…. sometimes i see a take that my brain won’t even let me conceptualize bc i disagree with it so much and then i just have to close my eyes and reboot </3

op ur brain <333 u make me so happy i love u sm thanku for creating such beautiful fics i alw come back to reread a bunch of ur stuff, they never get old, it's literally everything im looking for. idc how "boring" hurt/comfort fics r, like even if there's no drama, sometimes simple is best and u do it so, so well thanku op i lov u muacks ❤️

sorry had to copy paste this bc it made me want to CRY. you make ME so happy hello???? you have no idea the pure amount of endorphins this ask gave to me 😭😭😭 I’M HAPPY I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY…. you have my whole heart and soul anon atp let’s just get married i think . my heart is yours to keep!!! i can’t tell you how mushy i get knowing there are people out there who read my fics not once but multiple times….. yeah. i’m just. very grateful for you anon <3333 thank you so much for your support and for sending me this lovely ask. i’m gonna be reading it forever n ever !! :((((

[rachaelreadsposts]

Review: Hunger Games Series

Per the release of the Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie adaptation, I thought it was time for me to revisit the Hunger Games series. I was OBSESSED with the movie in middle school and had all of the books... but I never read them all the way through. I dug through my basement and found all 3 of my original books! I also purchased the new book and read in May!

THERE WILL BE SPOILERS IN THIS!!

Hunger Games (★ ★ ★ ★)

I gave the first book 4 stars. Personally, the part I love about the Hunger Games story is the games. Yes, the story and character build is so important but I was ready to see Katniss kick ass in the arena. It also doesn't help that I already know the plot and wanted to skip to the exciting part. However, what prevented me from doing that is the details that aren't mentioned in the movie. For example, the Avox that cares for Katniss at the Capitol is someone she knows. She remembers the Avox as a runaway in the woods she hunts in with Gale. The girl was caught and taken away by a Capitol plane. This would have been so interesting to see in the movie!

This book really got me to fall in love with Peeta. I am Team Peeta forever. WE SUPPORT GALE SLANDER ON THIS BLOG. He cares about Katniss from the get-go and how Collins writes his character just makes you root for him. In his iconic pre-arena speech about not wanting the Capitol to change him, you really feel those words in a different way when you read them; especially if you know what happens to Peeta in Mockingjay.

Gale... a whiny man who needs to leave. I understand that he's her best friend or whatever, but bro is so whiny. Like move on. Don't worry we'll do some more slandering later.

The games in this book are written so well in this book. Although you have the movie to help you visualize what's happening, you get such great detail from Collins. The death scenes, the tracker jacker attack and Cato's death at the end, are so detailed and you don't really get that in the movies. (because then it wouldn't be PG-13 it would have to be R lmao).

Overall, good start to the series!

Catching Fire (★ ★ ★ ★ ★)

FIVE OUT OF FIVE STARS. This is my favorite book in the whole series and my favorite movie out of the 4. You really get to see how calus President Snow is in this one. He hates Katniss so much for defying the Capitol that he wants to send her and the other surviving victors from previous games into the Quarter Quell. Snow wants Katniss dead but he can't just execute her on the spot because now she is a victor and the people love her. Collins knows how to keep you on your toes in this book.

The book previous to the games is a bit slow but there's so much to unpack. From Katniss and Peeta's victory tour, Gale's whipping, and Snow's party. The victory tour in the book is just as heartbreaking in the book as it is in the movie. The districts can't even support Katniss and Peeta without looking like they're part of the rebellion. You can really feel the Capitol's reins get tighter on the districts in the beginning of this book.

Although bringing previous victors into the Quarter Quell sucks for them, it is such a good plot line!! Getting to meet characters that have been in the games besides Haymitch is just so exciting! Johana <3 and Finnick <3333. Johana is an icon and I love how her character is written in this book. She is such a badass and even though she'd probably kill me, I want to be her friend so bad. FINNICK, my dearest, my love, my darling. Finnick is my absolute favorite character in this entire series. He's so charming and every time he spoke he had me giggling and kicking my feet. You get his backstory in this book too which is so interesting and makes you want to know more.

The arena of these games will always be my favorite. I remember my jaw dropping when they revealed it was like a clock. GENIUS. Collins deserves a medal or something because it was so unexpected. These games are a bit more intense, we get Peeta almost dying, an alliance between Katniss, Peeta, Finnick, Mags (RIP), Johana, Beete, and Wiress (RIP), gruesome deaths of other tributes, and big masterplan from Beete to win the games.

The ending of this book makes you want to pick up Mockingjay IMMEDIATELY.

Mockingjay (★ ★ ★ ★)

This book surprised me. I've seen the movies and I knew what happened but I was still surprised by how dark this one is. Of course it picks up right at the end of Catching Fire when Gale tells Katniss that district 12 has been bombed and no longer exists. It begins in the thought to be extinct district 13 where the rebellion has been hiding and have been planning to take over the capitol since the war ended. We find out that Heavensbee was actually working for the rebellion from the start. We also meet some new characters such as President Coin, Boggs, Pollux, Castor, and Messalla.

While this book ripped my heart out and made me rethink the entire franchise, it was still enjoyable. It kept me on my toes and always wanting to turn the next page. I remember that I finished the last half of the book in one sitting. The last half is so much to digest but you really get how fucked up Panem was. The bombing of the children at the Snow's mansion actually messed me up so much. And to find out it was Coin who did it??? Girl deserved the arrow to the heart.

I do have to discuss one thing from this book, a critique if you will. WHY WAS FINNICK'S DEATH ONLY TWO PARAGRAPHS??? I had to close the book for a minute and come back to it. I was so upset for the love of my life. I know Suzanne Collins has said that she regrets killing off Finnick, as she should. He was the older brother that Katniss needed and the best friend that Peeta needed. Annie and him just got married too??? Like give me a break dude.

Anyways... I feel that this book gives a great end to the Katniss Mockingjay era and I feel satisfied with it. (besides Finnick dying).

I also feel that the movies were a good adaptation of this book, I can completely see why they did 2 movies.

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes (★ ★ ★ ★)

I gave this book 4 stars. Since I read all of the other books and this one for the first time around the same time, I feel that I had a better sense of Suzanne's writing. Since this book was released 10 years after Mockingjay, I was nervous to see if anything would change in her writing or the current lore we knew going into it. However, I feel that this was the hunger games book that I was expecting; it was similar to the others and I enjoyed it.

Like Mockingjay, this book was a lot to digest. I appreciate that this was split into parts since this was a pretty long timeline. I couldn't believe how dark this book was. I know this was close to the start of the hunger games but god damn I was not expecting someone's body to be hanging in the arena. I was shocked.

I think the thing that makes this book so interesting is getting Snow's perspective and seeing how fast he changes throughout the book. At the beginning of the book, you think he's a decent guy and couldn't possibly be the same Snow we see later in the series. Oh but girl... Suzanne shuts that thought down FAST. It is clear that Snow only cares for himself and wants to come out on top...

In my opinion, reading the book before the movie is always a good idea. I went into this new movie knowing what happens and knowing Snow's thoughts from the book adds another layer to it. I saw a tiktok where it was someone voicing over Snow's inner thoughts when Lucy asked him about the three people he killed. So good omg.

Final Thoughts

This is one of my favorite book franchises. It's so fucked up and Suzanne should be evaluated for writing this but god I can't get enough of it. I want more!!! I'm dying to know about the past victors games, the maps of the past arenas, etc.

Here's the order of the books by most to least favorite.

Catching Fire

Mockingjay

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Hunger Games

Here's the order of the movies by most to least favorite.

Catching Fire

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes

Hunger Games

Mockingjay Part Two

Mockingjay Part One

I'd love to hear you guys' thoughts!! Please let me know what you think and what your favorite book is!

[not-bcring]

In a scene a near picture perfect copy of the one that came before, Kazuichi was nestled under a pile of blankets on their bed, the muffled sounds of a ratchet wrench clicking as it was turned keeping idle hands busy to avoid falling deeper into the pit he had dug for himself. He knew it was Kokichi coming through the door, it was impossible not to, Gundham's boots sounded too much like his dad's, the sound of them against the floors etched into his mind no matter how hard he tried to forget.

"...Hey Kichi? Do...do you actually think I'm...that I'm pathetic?" It was a stupid question and he knew it, of course Kokichi didn't, and even if he did, it clearly wasn't a deal breaker between the three of them. Still, it was one of those days where Kaz couldn't help but feel that Kokichi and Gundham deserved better, that he was a pathetic failure of a man who could only cause problems when he wanted so badly to fix them. His projects often ended in failure after all, he wasn't giving himself enough credit, too blinded by his own self hatred. It didn't matter if he could make a toy rocket ship out of an alarm clock, or put an engine on anything he put his mind to, too many of his projects ended in fire to be considered anything but a failure. Some days he didn't even know how he got into the school.

Some days...he felt his dad was right about him...

-  ✩   「 @from-across-the-stars 」   ✩  

「 ☆ 」   Sometimes Kokichi wonders how often Kaz would do things like this before they started dating. Briefly he had considered asking Gundham; if anyone could offer insight into the mechanic’s mind, it would be him. But that felt like a strange breach of privacy. Like- cheating somehow. If Kokichi wanted to know something so intimate about Kazuichi, he’d have to figure it out himself. Or, in this case, be stuck wondering because any conclusion he comes to feels like it can’t be trusted. Infuriating as it may be to be stuck between the only TWO choices.

Does his company keep these bouts of self-imposed isolation and doubt at bay ( not entirely, but still ) … or is he only hurting more than he’s helping? Kokichi knows which one he’s more inclined to believe. And which one he hopes is true. But in the scheme of things, it hardly makes a difference. Kaz doesn’t seem like he’ll be leaving any time soon and Kokichi has been forced to face that. So, all he can do now is his best…

With that sobering thought, Kokichi closes the door behind him. It clicks with far less force than usual, a betrayal of his guilt-infested worry. Sucking in a shaky but silent breath, Kokichi wracks his mind to figure out when was the last time he joked with Kaz in THAT way. He can’t recall anything too recent… Grimacing at a sour taste in his mouth, Kokichi chastises himself for having to think about it at all. That’s part of the issue, isn’t it? If he wasn’t making those types of jokes, Kazuichi wouldn’t be thinking this way. Kokichi hadn’t thought they were being taken seriously. He’d grown careless. Complacent in his belief that Kaz KNEW he cares.

❝  Hey... Wanna hear a secret?  ❞  Crawling onto the bed, he lightly bounces in place when he reaches where Kazuichi’s head should be, trying to give his boyfriend a small jostle. Flopping onto his stomach, he burrows his head into the pile of blankets, seeking out his partner.  ❝  Okay, so— This HAS to stay between us. You tell anyone I said this and I’m gonna deny it.  ❞  Tone is remarkably casual for the situation, the jagged rocks of anxiety tearing Kokichi’s stomach apart masterfully hidden. Shuffling himself forward, he whispers close enough to Kaz’s ear for his breath to tickle,  ❝  I think... Icy might actually have a dick. I know. Insane, right? But just trust me on this... and—  ❞  

Leaning even closer, hot breath invades as lips playfully brush against Kaz’s ear,  ❝  It might be HUGE.  ❞  Leaning back, he allows a moment for that ‘ shocking revelation ’ to sink in, head nodding and impish grin on his face promising a point to his tangent.  ❝  That’s why it’s so much fun to say he’s a dickless virgin. Because he’s so NOT dickless, it’s hilarious... It’s called irony and it’s what keeps a tongue sharp as a sword. Y’know?  ❞  Brushing a strand of hair out of Kazuichi’s face, tone softens alongside his expression,  ❝  ... Kinda like- when there’s a guy... Who is so fuckin’ incredible, so... so amazing.... You can’t even believe it.  ❞

❝  The kinda guy you wish you could be like... Well- Heh...  ❞  Chuckling with a half-hearted shrug, expression is honest even if his words are layered in wariness,  ❝  I dunno about you, but I’d probably call him a wet napkin.  ❞  Or pathetic.   「 ☆ 」 

[diary-of-someone-invisible]

17th February 2023 15:05

I'm stuck in a cycle. I don't know why I chose to stay clean but here I am. I sucked away any bit of happiness I may feel. I'm no longer a person. I'm a blob. Floating around on earth. I forget about my physical body. I usually forget about everything around me too. Escapism. But instead of escaping to the light, I've chosen to delve in the darkness. Spiral into the darkness one might say. The outside world doesn't exist. I understand why people question why I chose to stay alone. I still choose to stay alone because it is peaceful. I'm traumatized enough to not step closer to anyone. How would you know what safe means if you've never felt it? I'll never know what safe means either. As long as I'm around me, I'm never safe. Quite unfortunate. I stayed over with someone for a night and I felt extremely uncomfortable. The closest I've come to feel safe was with one person alone. He's the closest I've felt to having a family. Unfortunately I'll never get back there. He'll be there. He's nice. He'll always be ready to help. He's really nice that way. But I can not keep going back.

Recently I met another person from my past. He is going to be a part of my future too. He seems so healthy. He interrupted me and then actually asked me what I was saying. That was beautiful. He seemed so put together. Is this what people are like? Why is my world view so warped. Why do I have to constantly question my reality. I was talking to my mother yesterday and I wanted to vent. She barely let me complete my sentence. I need people to just listen. I don't want advice. I can do this on my own. I just need people to listen. I do not want them to be worried. I do not need them to take any action. I just want someone to listen. Some place to talk. I really need therapy and I do not know where to start. It is really expensive.

I am losing my mind. There are times when I'm sitting in silence in my room, just lost in my thoughts. Imagining ranting to people I know. Telling them the truth about what happened. But I never seem able to tell it out loud. I manage to say smaller parts but it never translates to how deep it is. How much impact the smaller thing is. It would have been nice to have a best friend. Or a friend even. No, what I'm looking for is unconditional love. Someone who'll stay despite it all. Despite of me being this spiky blob. I can't expect that from someone. I can't expect any one to stay when I have nothing to offer to them. I just have to stay in this hole I dug for myself I guess.

I wish something would spark joy you know. Just something. Maybe writing. Maybe colors. Maybe just leaves and flower. A beautiful sunset maybe. Just something. I noticed that January was the first time I actually laughed at something. Then was the outing with that old friend. I actually laughed out of genuine joy. I don't remember what it was about. I seem to question if it was genuine even. It doesnt matter. Oh but it does. Everything matters you see. The blowing of wind, the position of stars. Your existence. All of it matters. Maybe not in the long term but it does matter in the short term. It matters to people around you. You spoke to your school friends. They seemed to care. That threw you into a rage filled spiral. They told you to do the basic take care of yourself. Just the basic eat and drink water. It threw you in such a spiral. It gave you such a rage. That seems to be the norm recently right? Such a self destructive rage. You truly are regressing. You have reach a teenage version of you. Are you hoping to regress further and then grow a version of you that isn't so keen on death? Are you planning to grow up again? Start over in this life? Kill this version of you and nurture yourself to a different kind of individual? Will you succeed? I will not let you. You do not deserve this life. I mean that in then most seething way possible. This is war. This is now a never ending war. I wish I had never known to see it this way. It was easier to fight when all my actions weren't divided into good for me and bad for me. I wish I could go back to ignorance. Now my brain seeks out things that are bad for me. I can't keep up with it. I want it all to stop. Unfortunately I can't die either. 'How poisonous are you that even poison couldn't kill you?' And 'Even death doesn't want you.' Sweet. You'll live. You'll unfortunately live an unhealthy life. Hopefully your death is painful. I can not wait to you through more pain. Physical pain. Try dealing with them together. You'll be a mess. A far more intolerable mess. :)