#jesus fuck thats alot of tags

[kwnnys]

kyle, kenny and tweek hcs w a reckless reader? reader is always coming up with dumb shit to do and constantly getting hurt bcs of it 😋😋 g/n reader pls!!

— kyle, kenny, and tweek w a reckless reader!

hcs : g/n reader a/n : aghh sorry this is so short and rushed 😓😓 I have better works on my page trust. btw this can be seen as both romantic or platonic

— kyle broflovski

he'll treat you like cartman but a lil softer.

always the first one to shut down your stupid ideas.

doesn't even bother asking how you come up with them and just straights up 'no.'

"guys what would jumping out of a car feel like?" "don't even think about it."

you always ignore his warnings, though. and you end up severely regretting it.

no matter how many times you get hurt, though. he'll always be the one to patch you up and make sure you're ok.

but he would scold the shit out of you, saying things like "I told you so!" or "you just never listen" while you roll your eyes.

basically your mom friend.

you joke around alot while hes cleaning your cuts/wounds and hes just 😐 he hates you sm (but not really 🤫)

hes a bit harsh, but he just wants to keep you safe and sound :D

— kenny mccormick

mixed feelings

on one hand, hes always down to do some crazy dumb shit. but on the other hand, he really doesn't wanna die again.

he'll try suggesting more.. safer ideas that are just as fun.

but more than so often you just end up coming up with another dumb idea from it.

he ends up going "fuck it" and going through it with you.

surprisingly you're the only one who got hurt, which hes sorta relieved about?

kenny is probably really experienced with patching up scars and wounds, so thats a score!

you guys would laugh and joke about the incident as he cleans your cuts, but he'd still subtly scold/tease you.

"told you that was a bad idea" "oh fuck off kenneth"

—tweek tweak

you're literally going to kill this man with how much anxiety you're causing him

freaks out and immediately turns down your ideas

"d-dude?! are you crazy?! you're totally gonna die!"

most of the time he doesn't tag along with you, but when he does hes constantly screaming and warning you.

you reassure him that you're gonna be fine, and that you totally wouldn't get hurt,

which was a lie.

when he saw you limping your way over to him he freaked out and almost screamed.

immediately rushed over to you and bombarded you with questions

kept scolding to you and muttering "oh jesus.." under his breath while he looked for a first aid kit.

you can feel his hands slightly shaking as he cleans your wounds and you can't help but feel slightly bad

refuses to let you go out till the next day

you insist you're fine but he doesn't believe you, so you end up sleeping over at his house.

[bassguitarinablackt-shirt]

MAKING A POST ABOUT MY OLD PJO OCS LESGOOOOOO

Arlo Cannon

they/he, child of apollo

kind of a dumbass. this boy is only alive because of sheer dumb luck. he may be a half blood but you will have to pry "oh my god" and "jesus christ" out of his cold dead southern hands. he can play a few instruments and sing kinda well but hes annoying about it. he once wouldnt stop playing megalovania on the piano to annoy the other apollo kids. has a mental breakdown if he has to think about his feelings for more than thirty seconds.

Maximillian "max" Maxwell

they/them, child of ares

insecure about being insecure. dresses like a lumberjack. will kill you if you call them maxmax. bi disaster. my friend once said theyre giving man on tinder holding up a fish in their pfp vibes. wields an axe. they're 4'8 and yet still manage to contain the rage of a thousand suns.

Sullivan "sulli" O'Malley

she/her, daughter of athena

weird little trans girl. eleven years old. much like an owl shes strange, wise, and has a wide eyed unblinking stare. shes very much an athena kid but first and foremost shes her fathers daughter. aroace icon. homeschooled. has a fucked up sleep schedule to the point of being pretty much nocturnal. thinks camp half blood is weird and would much rather be with her dad every summer. autistic.

Quinn Evangeline

they/she/he, child of aphrodite

thinks hes alot cooler than they actually are. aromantic. loves to give love advice thats either really good or ends up crashing and burning. dyes their hair blonde. holds a grudge against her mom. their mortal dad is married to a man giving them two dads. has THE BEST fashion sense. thought he was a lesbian when they first realised shes not attracted to men.

Cameron Flores

he/him, child of hermes

quinns best friend. the day his executives start functioning its over for you all. gay disaster in all directions. acts and kinda looks like a tiktok fuckboy. often gossips with quinn in the back of aphrodite cabin. quinn made him swear not to date any of the aphrodite kids. devious little fucker. i hate him/aff

tagging @daggerhobbit @possibly-astraeus @fakevariety @o-kye

[gusgoose69]

I know I'm not really the exact target demograohic as someone at least outwardly mentally and phisically healthy, but as someone who feels like theyre just loosing regular ol sanity and resistance to what other people seem to think is all just fine to expect me to do.

this was going to go into the tags but i want to actually post a rant as if it matters so uhh

i have an exam tomorrow and I'm feeling like garbage because I've not prepared at all. It's because I had a really really bad semester with like a whole month of being ill with probably covid but i never actually checked and chronic fatigue for like 3 months and the perfectionist in me wouldn't let me rest or be sick so i just forced myself to go to classes and perpetuated it all.

Now I am left with zero recolection of the class content from this half of the year and I am surely going to fail. I just didn't or couldn't study, focus, produce coursework or turn up to many of the lessons.

I have the school's mental health services behind me but that'll only really help with getting retake exams guaranteed. The councelors have been very typical in that they seem to just say "ah yes it seems as though you are aware of what's wrong and what to do" which no i fucking do not. I need an actual psychiatrist so bad but idk how to go to that I am somewhat scared of being infantalised as someone who definately is on the adhd and asd spectrums which from what i've heard is a very real possibility.

Dieting and exercise has been tough and I feel just guilty. I'm not even eating that unhealthy I think i just have an ed again is only getting more of a grasp on me since i always feel fat because of stress eating in previous semesters and I just dont want to exist in my own skin. thats not even broaching onto gender and those problems but thats for later at this point. trying to diet with no plan and a reliance on food for enjoyment in the day quite alot of the time as someone whos a very very hungry dude is tough.

Jesus christ dude I had hope of me actually getting a bit better at this shit this year.

I'm a failure and i know thats ok and that i should hold myself to the same standards as i hold others but it still hurts. and it hasn't even happened yet. i hate this. impending doom of the most menial proportion.

i feel fine but i just want to be able to relax and enjoy myself for once in my fucking life. i want to not be either stressed from boredom in summer or regular stressed during semester time. I want to actually be able to have friends in summer and actually have fun for once in my life. i hate living at home surrounded by all those stupid piss ugly fields. It all sucks and I just don't enjoy any of this cycle. why did i think 'ah yes of course, four years of grueling work is a perfectly reasonable requirement to be able to live as a real person' and not just go live as a real person.

part of me really wants to give up and just not do any more of my course and just buy tears of the kingdom and not revise any more but a very core part of mte just would't accept that so I want to keep working but knowing that this will fail initially and then I can try again soon means that I can just not worry means I'm not worried therefore not motivated and not able to do the work. but if the exam is important then its unsalvageable and that sucks and im stressed the fuck out and cant work because the second i try and work I

I'm just loosing my mind out here man. and im sleepy good night to you all

sending love out tonight to everyone who is progressively losing their abilities, whether that's movement, ability to walk, eyesight, or hearing.

it's hard to come to terms with the fact that you can't do things that you used to be able to do. I'll be honest, it feels like you're losing control of your life. it can feel very isolating and hopeless. its scary and overwhelming, and it's so hard to deal with.

you are not less than just because you can do less. im proud of you for still being here, and i wish you ease with adjusting to new ways of life. please take care of yourself, i love you.

[abessive-art]

Ok. Was anybody going to te me the TWO main characters of AADDTSOTU were mexican American?? Or was I just supposed to completely lose my mind all by myself when they were both introduced????

[madz-the-3rd]

[notedchampagne]

SAM are you reading any good solkat/davekat fics lately 👀

i am!! hold up heres a couple

first off insert jesus allegory here by quinn @/thatneoncrisis is honest to god one of my favorite solkat fics i have that shit in my brain 24/7 its essentially a pesterquest continuation if karkat took sollux up on his offer to help and it gets really sweet and kind of gay lmao

what kind of asshole drives a lotus? makes me cry on the daily theres something about this writing style that makes me shed tears on the sheer tenderness and intimacy of it all PLUS it has enemies/friends/lovers AND fake relationship ugh its so good

kindling by measure by @/acedavestrider makes me SO happy it has god karkat and mortal dave and such aus always make me scared because what if one of them dies!! one is a god!! but i think this fic alone made me adore the concept the worldbuilding and pacing are absolutely beautiful and god the slowburn. you will not be disappointed

dewshi has a couple GREAT davekat fics continuing rn for you to check out lmao my personal favorite is a little dark, a little gloomy, and as always, full of dead people which. oh god how do i describe it its really sad at first but it gets so good later on its ghost karkat im a;kfdadsklfjasld its good!!! its so gd good and theres also boreas and im only reccing this because every fucking chapter made me cry and sometimes you have to get. some feelings out okay ive read a lot of books and so many of them never really strike me when they write about grief and whether you attribute that to my having known 5 people who died and my overall desensitization to that or just me being kind of an insensitive asshole idk thats really up to you im just saying this fic captures that feeling really well for me

friendly neighborhood rap god is you fucking guessed it a spiderman au with davekat and now im thinking about my miles spiderverse dave meta okay god the domestic davekat here is really sweet it makes me happy though do read the tags because it does deal with alot of sensitive themes and the author does a p good job of tagging them i think

and then alternate universe by unda what a fucking epic i mean that in the wordcount and descriptory way this also has levels of slowburn that had me crying in pain and the worldbuilding is fantastic!! especially with the added humor of this being a modern magic au and magic essentially being like different coding languages lmao its davesolkat and its pretty fucking good lmao

[marziblogsworld]

I finally watched the long waited show that was on my list, that always get delayed due to some reasons. Although i have read its book but i wanted too explore the tv series to. Good Omens just like the book was also amazing as a tv series and here is my review.

The show has a different take in telling a story. Like when can you see God actually narrating the whole show. Good Omens dabbles with an angel and a demon working together to stop an apocalypse, going against the orders of Heaven and Hell who are soo desperate to have a war.

The CGI graphics, cinematography, direction of these wonderful 6 episodes was spot on. The relationship between different characters are amazing. I definitely need 'Agnes Nice and True Prophecy' Book in my hands... No wait scratch that i want all the books that are in Aziraphale library because he has all the 1st editions and i am a sucker for that.

Talking about relationships. My favourite is definitely those divine husbands who are desperate in love and my favourite episode is the one when it showed Aziraphale and Crowley whole journey throughout history. From the time of Jesus, French Revolution, meeting Shakespeare and the 1st world war. I was soo in love when Crowley literally walked in the church with his feet all burning just to save Aziraphale from a bunch of russian mafia and the bonus part he also saved his 1st edition books. If a man takes care of your books the same way he takes care of his automobile please marry him. Aziraphale going all soft when Crowley asked for the holy water melts my heart, he always go like 'i cant see you die, you are my everything' these two desperado were the death of me.

Crowley desperation when he screamed for Aziraphale inside his bruning library *chills* *literal chill* 'YOU KILLED MY BEST FRIEND, BASTARDS!!, ALL OF YOU' yeah i felt every single raw emotions Crowley was throwing at me (hats off to you David Tennant). You know what, i cried too at that scene because it was a vintage library and my heart just *gasped* seeing all of those books, those minted books buring.

I laughed at the most famous wife threat Aziraphale throwed at Crowley when they were in the middle of a showdown between the Anti Christ and his pissed father Satan who was coming on top of the Earth and they didn't had any plans and everything was going into doom and at that moment Aziraphale just looked at Crowley with his soft eyes and said 'Do something, or else i will never talk to you again' yesss! This one simple line and Crowley was like 'naa i cant afford to sleep on the couch again, my wife is angry' 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂. With a dialogue like that of course people Crowley made a plan. 🤩

I could goo on and on and on with these two and will never get tired because they were that amazing. There breakup 'oooh the angst' and than there whole tag teaming and swaping faces to threat heaven and hell *badass divine husbands* and that dining in the Ritz awwwwwwwwwwww *kill me* i want them more!!! 😭😭😭

The overall story was kinda similar to the books they did change a few tatics and the scenario to stretch it up a bit but i accept, the aura of Death was spot on like with every other series there are 3 horsemen and then there is 'Death' . Famine going all 'your tea is getting cold my lord' to Death oooh i felt that. I wish they would have made his voice more metalic and not too human also his appearance was all like Darth Vader and i like how these kids killed or made all of the other horsemen vanished with the sword but they all pleaded to Death to leave because hahha why would you mess with something that inevitable and eternal.

The witch and the witchfinder scene was throwing me off a bit. They should have been more to explore and not just wrapped around themselves to each other because the prophecy said so.

Adam is dangerous i tell ya and i feel like it isn't over yet. He is still using his powers and if he starts liking it again, destruction awaits. The whole gang of these kids gave me such stranger things vibes, fighting the monster to save the world,while riding in their bicycle. Pepper i want to meet your mom she is an icon and queen. The things she taught her child 👏👏👏👏. To be very honest i was expecting more from the hell hound then just be 'Dog' but i get it, it was a light hearted tv series just like book not YA.

The show has all the elements, the suspense, the drama, the romance, the angst, the laughter consumed all in 6 episodes. I enjoyed it alot. Crowley and Azraphale were definitely my favourite. My divine husbands😍😍😍😍.

Follow me guys for more amazing reviews on your favourite tvshows, movies and books. Open for all and any recommendations 😉

He fucking saved his books😭😭😭😭

Can you see the raw emotions in crowley face!!!.thats the scene where he thought he lost his best friend. *internally sobbing*

[shhbean]

fuck it! some thoughts on al’s years in xing. if you guys have thoughts or criticisms let me know! i just wanna ramble lmao.

also don’t reblog lmao bc theres a lot of errors in here and its all sporadic and frankly embarrassing

okay so first things first i think in the two year gap between the promised day and the post canon adventures the brothers keep up a correspondence with ling and mei through letters (bc theyre planning this big adventure and its wild that they would show up unannounced even tho i know thats theyre style but als like. mmm dont want lan fan to execute me on sight)

side note! i think of xing as a relatively isolationist country, but with a phone and railway system that operates within itself, not on the outside (its a big country! people need to communicate!) ling is not against isolationism per say, only because drachma and amestris are still very much Major War Torn disasters, however ling puts a big emphasis on assisting refugees and families displaced by war. he also holds relatively frequent council with their bordering countries* *more on this later. but i dont see xing moving away from isolationism until ling is MUCH older. and even then most of their opening up mostly revolves around trade and world aid. 

ed sort of bangs his adventure out west in like a year and a half, because hes kinda. rarin to get back to rush valley and marry winry. al spends about three and a half years in xing bc he has to learn the language AND a brand new form of alchemic science. (with visits back to amestris for. weddings, occasional holidays and meeting his nephew and niece)

when al gets to xing the first thing he notices are 1) the food is incredible (though some of it is spicer than hed realize and amestrian food is blander than he thought)  2) the art and architecture is amazing and beautiful 3) he’s never worn silk before and he privately amends to never make that mistake again 4) ling has two modes Emperor mode and Ling mode (al has been on the receiving end of both 5) lan fan seems much happier 6) mei got taller

side note yes ed and winry have the emperor of xing and his sister, the princess and imperial alkahestrist at their wedding. no no one knows how the fuck to deal with it jfhgkjfdhjk

ling, in order to establish security for clans with less power appoints one family member from each clan to his court. hence why mei becomes imperial alkahestrist at 16. this ruffles a lot of feathers, and lings happy for it. 

in general one of lings biggest projects in his time as emperor is helping the poor and disenfranchised of xing. he has the aristocracy pretty much on its knees all the time. 

al spent so much time in the two years preparing for his trip studying up on xingese culture, tradition, and especially xingese aristocracy because he didnt want to offend an entire culture (he leaves that to ed) only for mei and ling to horrify the entire court by yanking al into a very tight HUG 

ling continues to horrify the court by asking al for advice and counsel in front of everyone lmao

lan fan has other family members! not just fu! she has a whole mom and two younger sisters. lan fan remains ling’s personal gaurd until she turns 20, and then she appointed captain of the guard. she really loves her job and honestly being home has made her 1000% more outgoing and confident (not when shes guarding tho obviously) 

lan fan’s family has their own suite in the palace, for being the yao’s families faithful servants. however once lan fan becomes captain of the guard she insists on sleeping in the barracks (this annoys ling greatly. though he doesn’t say anything)

mei is an INTENSE teacher. not so much izumi level bet she has al wake up at 6 am every day and run arrays for her until shes decided shes satisfied. al does not mind this, he likes watching the sun rise 

al takes awhile to learn xingese. and once he’s finally mastered it he’s better at speaking it than writing it (his script is basically chicken scratch) this sort of impedes his alkahestry lessons too because of a lot of the tomes and books on it are in xingese. a lot of al’s lessons are spent doing translations

jerso and zampano, somehow, pick up xingese stupid fast. al is furious lmao. 

winry and ed and their children (lil 1yr boy sig and actual baby baby girl nina) come out to visit at behest of ling. xing had no established automail program, just a few engineers here and there, so winry worked with him to train a few automail engineers. this becomes one of the only forms of trade that xing has with neighboring countries. an automail material trade agreement was presented by general mustang and signed off by emperor ling and furher grumman. (an eventually, would become a regular commodity of amestris under roy’s rule as furher) 

once his three years of research and study are up al (now 21, keeping track of ages for my benefit, bc this timeline largely exists in my head) heads back to amestris to write his paper and swap notes with ed, and eventually publish a book together. ed somehow earned a fucking PHD in three years while al was away. al is once again, is furious and super proud. (he privately amends to earn his in 2) he convinces mei (now 19) to tag along to help continue her own research on the link between alkahestry and alchemy. ling lets them go and starts a research initiative that funds their travels all over the world. 

mei and al visit scar alot on their travels, and while theyre in ishval they help out the community (doing wonderfully but still needs a hand every once in a while) wherever they can. mei’s always so excited to see scar. lots of hugs and catching up. scar always fixes al a hairy eye when he arrives with mei (note they are very much JUST friends at this point. scar does not care....probably having flashbacks from how quickly ed and winry got together fvjdghjkf) 

they also have tea with the newly promoted brigadier general and his captain every visit. who...share a tent. al and mei make sure not to comment. this does not stop jerso and zampano from commenting. (roy and riza are doing well though, and very much concede their authority to scar and miles on every deciding fact. reparations suits them) 

mei’s 22nd birthday is spent in ressembole where ed and winry and their babies have relocated. pinako (still holdin on strong) watches her great grand babies. ed and winry have alcohol for the first time in 5 years. chaos ensues. al and mei watch he stars and al starts to realize maybe. he might. have a crush. oh well. not going to address that. too much work to do. 

on al’s 27th birthday he has a mild crisis about how old he’s getting. ed, 28 a whole professor, with a third goddamn kid on the way, laughs at his pain. mei (24 now. jesus. im writing this why am i getting whiplash) receives a letter from miles telling her scar, much to humble to admit it, has been made lead representative speaker for ishval. he hints that al should be on the lookout for a letter coming his way. and sure enough, a letter asking if al would like to be the amestrian ambassador to xing arrives at their doorstep. 

and then its back to xing again to get ling to sign off on the order (of course he does) and to get his approval on al and mei’s courtship (re: not engagement. theyre very slow lmao). (that one requires a longer conversation wherein lan fan threatens al with a knife) 

[all-hail-the-witcher]

things ive written in my European history study guide part three: protestant reformation edition

“Aright buckle up kiddos its religion time”

“Also there were several priests that were poor drunks”

“Thats kinda a problem considering that hes the fuckin pope”

“The og salty boi”

“Ooo we lov a good hunger games story”

“He “looked like a pile of dough that was half cooked””

““Also could have used some decaf coffee””

“What a load of crap”

“Cmon boi just ditch those toxic priests”

“Alberts a shady sister”

“He posts the holy grail of bitch slaps”

“Also aparently luther looked like “jabba the hut.” We stan an angry worm boi”

“We dont need extra bitches in this new church”

“And people very much like preacher sermons. They were very long. Longer than..... Fuck i cant think of a good comparison”

“Luthers like wHOA THIS AINT WHAT I SIGNED UP FOR”

“I stan this half baked dough ball”

“The only thing i have to say about this is that martin luther is Not jeffree star approved”

“He was a Raging Protestant Twink”

“The elect would get a symbol from god if they were going to be saved. Wow thats cryptic. Would he like amazon prime a cross to your house? I hope thats how it worked”

“Incase you want a mental image of mr VIII “he liked to dance alot and he got fat and ugly that must have been interesting to see””

“So the pope is havin a regular Sister Scandal”

“Good job henry youre dying and all youve got is 2 illegitimate children and no heir”

“She thinks shes pregnant. But actually just has uterus cancer and dies”

“I mean cmon guys jesus was the og celebrity”

“I forgot to talk about that archbishop that didnt enter his cathedral until his funeral”

tag yourself

[yeehaw-sphnix-blog]

!!!!!!!

sksks im so fucking dull and boring so this isn't gonna be interesting

tagged by @iffy-outlaw (ive never been tagged with like questions or anything so likkke HHHH)

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people you want to get to know better

nickname: i really don't have one. my name is keirah. everyone calls me keirah for the most part unless they don't so.

height: 5'5 or 5'6 maybe? somewhere around there.

last movie i saw: good will hunting w/ robin williams and matt damon jEsuS fuck is that a phenomenal movie

favorite artists: green day, the doors, the beatles, tool, placebo, pearl jam, twenty one pilots, muse, chris cornell, jack white, michael jackson, and many, many others. trust me.

song stuck in my head: lakini's juice by live

do i get asks: never lol

other blogs: i have an old shit one floating around this website somewhere but i don't remember the name. besides that, this is my only account.

following: maybe 80 or something i don't remember. i dont like following too many people. going through my tumblr everyday is a fucking pain and takes me like an hour.

amount of sleep: no exact number but all i know for sure is that its definitely not consistent.

lucky number: 111 idk why. always pops up in my life at the right time it seems. if that makes any sense.

what i'm wearing: an x-men t-shirt and some panic at the disco pajama pants. im a fucking child i know.

dream job: im not entirely sure yet. ive always wanted to pursue a career in the arts but im not very good at like music or drawing or anything like that. i would call myself creative, i know i have the potential to do those things im just lazy and unskilled. maybe music. but i also really enjoy writing, science, psychology, that sort of thing. i honestly have no idea. right now i just kinda wanna work at a subway. idk why. seems like a good job. i like sandwiches.

fav food: im a vaccum cleaner ill eat pretty much anything but i really like steak, italian food, anything that's awful for me pretty much.

dream trip: i've always realllly really really wanted to go to ireland. take my family there, be able to see all the structures and shit. if i had it my way id go literally every place i could in the world (as an american). i also would love to go to florida again. idk why i just love really humid, hot, gross, sticky weather. if its so humid that i stop breathing for a second then i am pleased. maybe go to new zealand, germany, and egypt one day too idk.

do you play any instruments: i play concert percussion. im not good. i mean i kinda am. i can sorta play bass guitar but like thats it.

languages: obviously english and a little conversational german.

favorite song: i have too fucking many. thats a post in itself. one that comes to mind rn is scared of girls by placebo.

random fact: there was this one time in 4th grade where we had to run around our gymnasium like 28 times in under 12 minutes (i think 28 laps was equivalent to mile) and i did and i got on the top runners list and i was really proud of myself and i have never gotten any sort of achievement for athletically excelling in something since then so that says alot about me.

describe yourself as aesthetic things: (i tried my best i apologize) humid rainy days, brightly painted mexican restaurants that you see in really shitty parts of neighborhoods (you know what i am talking about), the smell of antique stores, bustling big cities at night, shitty gas station coffee, a blanket that just came out of the dryer, the sound of someone screaming "i wanna big titty goth girlfriend" in an echoey cavern, itchy cooch, and sore kneecaps

im really sorry i cant take things seriously✌️🤠

that was alot of fun actually. also not gonna tag 21 people because not to be rude but i don't think there are 21 people on this app that i want to know more about and i don't wanna seem annoying so ill only tag a couple. plus i only know like 2 people so.. heh👊👊 sorry for breaking the rules not lol rules are for quitters and also sorry to bother the 4 people i tagged i apologize forgive me for my sins i hate inconveniencing people ok gBYe

@pollypocketlizard @basicallyreece @ohorthur @mailordercowboy

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

I am not my insecurities reflection- a truthful based oneshot

IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE READ

Ok, this will be a long author’s note but please bare with me as this is very important for you to understand this oneshot. For some context here because I havent posted alot about her yet, this is a oneshot about my Dc oc Gracie Lucio, set kinda in the same universe(i guess) of the teen titans judas contract movie( with Damian as robin) and its a oneshot written partly out of a vent of my own body image issues and partly out of an expression of how I’ve learned to look past said issues slowly.

But this gets very angsty until the end

Now to give a bit more context for the piece itself. The oc herself, Gracie Lucio( because I havent posted any art of her yet) for the reader’s understanding, she is not human, she is a werewolf(it feeds into her story so dont get me started on it alot of research went into this aspect of her character and it plays into her body issues)and body wise looks similar to Dick in the first season of Young Justice. Shes a naturally thin figured , broader shouldered girl who could( if she really wanted to) pass as a feminine boy with short jaw/ barely chin length hair( think of a thick messy longish pixie cut of dark hair). So shes naturally lean and lanky and a little underdeveloped for a 13 year old girl and as a heroine she has toned muscles from years of hero work. Most wouldnt see her having too many insecurities about her body image and appearance, but in truth shes riddled with them. She ages a bit differently than humans, it takes her body longer to develop and even then in some areas it develops differently all together. She struggles to gain any extra weight or build up natural feminine curves, something she wants. She WANTS to look like other girls her age, with more developed and heavier bodies, with curves and more weight and an actual figure. But with a supernaturally high metabolism added on top of a already genetic based thin figure and a intense and sometimes rigorous training and workout routine plus her work as a heroine gives no leeway to gain really any extra weight, its always worked off one way or another. And this causes...comments to be made about why she looks that way by civilians. and though she never shows it publicly  she takes many of these, usually not flattering and sometimes cruel and rude, comments to heart(much like I used to unfortunately) and it worsens her negative feelings. This is a small story of her seeing those problems and issues and trying to face and overcome them. This is more centered around Gracie and Dick and Jason and their platonic and sibling like relationship as they help her through her darker times( again, this is partly me expressing my own personal struggles with body image (which arent the exact same as the character but the language and the comments are very similar)and partly how those two helped inspire me to have more confidence in my body no matter what I look like) and also a deeper peek into her complex relationship with Damian(but thats not the biggest focus) Sorry this was so long I mightve info-dumped a little but its important to understand the story. I hope you guys enjoy?

This is also told in Gracie’s point of view

This will cover some pretty deep kinda issues like body image problems and over eating and weight loss/gain and mentions of eating disorders without really discussing them and bullying so if that upsets you in any way now is the best time to scroll past for your own sake, I dont want you to upset yourself over my crappy emotional writing

I do not look that bad.

That’s what I have to force my mind to accept as I look into the mirror, meeting my own aqua green eyes hesitantly.

I always hated looking in the mirror lately, especially after training or after bathing, like now as I stood in the middle of my room in a slightly loose training type sports bra and spandex shorts. I don’t even want to glance down at my body, out of fear for seeing the same thing I always do.

‘She so skinny...is she eating right’

‘She needs to eat more and gain some weight’

‘what a twig for a superhero’

‘how have bad guys not snapped her in half? Jesus Christ I could probably break her with a sneeze!’

‘What a bad influence shes setting for young girls with such an thin figure!’

‘I think He needs to eat more Christ that poor boy must be starving! Why isn’t Nightwing feeding him more’

The flashes of comments flooded my mind the moment my eyes flickered down to the rest of me. To my thin, unfeminine figure. My underdeveloped and flat birdcage of a chest. To my lanky, toned, too flat stomach. The pinched waist figure. The flat empty expanse I called hips that blended too well into my too dainty looking bony legs. I looked too fucking skinny. And maybe they were right...as a hero I was a role model to those younger than me, and I promoted a Bad Body Image for girls to idolize with my lanky boy figure.

And it was a horrible body type I had no goddamn control over.

My species was not an easy one to live as, especially not intermingled with humans. The team knew, the team understood, but the rest of the world didn’t. As a lupinotuum pectinem, or lycanthrope which in easy translation is simply “Werewolf”, my whole body inner workings were different. Most of my kind were naturally lean and thin, like tall healthily thin model athlete body types and in general the females, even alpha females, were practically born twig like almost. And on top of that our bodies developed....differently. I was not raised by a pack or by my own kind after age 8, so even I didn’t know the full extent but females bodies took longer to grow and it made it very hard for them to gain weight because of the unnaturally high metabolism. Add being a superhero who once trained under a certain league member to the mix and you go from being the “healthy and admirable” type of skinny to the “unhealthy and concerning”type of skinny.

I hated it, and I hated my body. I hated pictures of me from the neck down, because they all looked the same no matter who they were with. And I saw the comments everyone made. Whether its a surprise photo Garfield took dragging me into the picture to commemorate something or another or me taking pictures around Gotham or Blüdhaven with Dick on the social media Gar helped me set up, or even the rare photos I’d get to take with Jason or Damian or Tim and get to post. Every time the flood of comments were the same. The same things I now repeated over and over as I looked over my body angrily.

OMG look at that poor girl is she ok??? She looks like she needs to be hospitalized!

Christ almighty BB isn’t it too early to be posing with skeletons?? LOL

Dude not funny that girl must be anorexic or something.

Such a cute sibling couple but sweetie you need a fast food break to add some fat to those bones!

Fuck kid go eat something instead of taking pictures

Awwww you two look real happy! I hope you’re on the way to lunch or something!

Holy shit your guy’s size difference is so vast its almost worrying

how are you even alive with that little weight

Go eat some junk food or something before you pass out

OMG look at her shes so small and stick like! Her clothes look like they’re hanging off a scarecrow!

That girl cannot be healthy tell me someone is making her eat more

Every time its always the same damn thing....

I couldn’t do it anymore. I turned away from the mirror nearly in disgust and went back to changing into more casual clothes, bitterly noting how my clothes did in fact seem to hang awkwardly on my body as if I was too thin for them to fit correctly. Like they always did lately.

Ew look at her she looks so gross all stick-like like that!

What a fucking twig of a girl! Are those her ribs poking through her shirt??

Bitch go eat a fucking hamburger you need some damn food in you.

God that weight cant be healthy you need a doctor!!

     “Kid? Yo kid you in there?” My head jerked up from the comments flooded screen of my phone to meet Jason’s eyes, catching the quirk of his eyebrow as he sat across the diner table from me. We were at a diner he favored whenever he came into town to visit, a little family owned treasure with delicious and greasy food and the sweetest staff on earth. We frequented the spot during his visits, our own personal little thing since we’d gotten closer. I plastered on a smile and ignored the slight narrow of those blue eyes, the small furrow of his brow got as I snapped off my phone and set it aside.

      “Sorry Jay, BB tagged me in something dorky and I got distracted. So what were you saying?”

He didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t the most convincing at that moment but I kept that damn plastic smile on my face and snagged some of his curly fries right in his face, making him crack a smile and smack my hand away from his tray.

      “ Hands off my food, eat your own wolfie.” I rolled my eyes at the stupid nickname I’d been branded and let the plastic smile slowly be replaced by a more genuine one as we began chatting again, grabbing my over sized cheeseburger and finishing every last bite and moving onto the large fries and two milkshakes, hopelessly praying that maybe this time the calories would stick and trying to push away the comments to the back of my mind. I was with Jason and we were having a damn good time, and I wasn’t going to let those comments ruin his visit...not again.

You should be ashamed. All you’re doing is promoting bad eating habits looking like that.

You’re such a bad influence for young girls who idolize you with such a horribly unreachable appearance.

Shes too bony to ever be considered pretty

Does she have a eating disorder or something?

I stiffened instantly startled by a hand on my shoulder, turning off my phone  instinctively and making the endless comments disappear into darkness before whoever could see them over my shoulder. The hand was big, calloused, and gentle and I felt myself relax as I looked up behind me with a smile.

         “ Hey Dick, did you need something?” He smiled down at me with that big bright smile that made all the dark thoughts and feelings melt away and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, blue eyes meeting aqua green.

          “ Well I was wondering if you’re doin’ anything right now or if you’d want to go catch dinner with Kori, Dami, and I. I noticed that you’d skipped your usual early dinner....” I wasn’t surprised he noticed, he normally did...

Once again that smile plastered itself on my face as I told him I’d love to, and to just let me go get changed into something better. I saw his hesitation at the fake smile, practically smelled it on him and prayed he wouldn’t bring it up right now, god please don’t ask now or I might just break...

Maybe god is listening because he didn’t mention it and just told me to meet them by the front doors of the tower in ten.

How are you not dead yet?

Jesus Christ stop promoting your eating disorder like its a good thing!

She looks so sickly is she ok? :(

Yeah shes sick, sick in the damn head for posting such disgusting pro-Ana pictures

How can you post pictures with a clear conscience looking like that?

Some “superhero”

I was wrong, no god was listening to me.

Dinner was rough to get through, even if it didn’t start that way.

For once I didn’t have to worry or dread possibly checking my phone for anything, I turned it off by the time we got to the restaurant. I even got a small compliment from Damian on our way in, though it was more a snark at me not tripping up the stairs. But it was Damian so I snapped right back with a smile, knowing he didn’t really mean it. Sitting beside Dick and across from Damian, I nudged his foot with mine in a silent gesture to cheer up even a little. He huffed through his nose but I saw his body relax and it made me relax. Those moments before the food came, our chatter and soft laughter as we looked over the menu, and the soothing knowledge knowing that Dick pulled me and Damian along to this dinner so we would go out on a date ourselves, ever the best brother and wingman. The mood was light and pleasant and I could see even the ever sharp and moody Dami lighten up a little by the time we ordered. Maybe the mood shifted into something different as we waited for our food and I was sipping on my tall glass of iced cola, when Damian’s fingers casually brushed over the top of my unused hand that laid peacefully on the table. The gesture was subtle and light, quick enough to miss if your senses weren’t sharp. I didn’t acknowledge it and neither did he, a silent understanding that words would just ruin whatever this was. I accepted that happily, as he was much more engaged in the conversations and even smiling a little more during them as he debated with Kori on leading strategies. Things were pleasant, comforting at that table in those few seconds before the decline, Dick smiling and chuckling at his lover and little brother, Said lover and brother having a more upbeat discussion about different leadership styles and their effects, and lightly debating which work better for what. And Damian’s hand next to mine, ever so lightly brushing against it in his wordless way to say I was still there and at even the smallest twitch I’d have his attention again. Dick ruffled my hair and asked how my online courses were coming along, since I didn’t attend schools publicly and I was more than happy to babble about my classes, and my current work in them. It was nice and I was happy, all the horrible feelings from before draining away as I tuned everything else but these three out of my enhanced hearing. Why had I even felt so shitty when I had great people like them in my life?

Then I heard it as that damned supernatural hearing tuned back in to the rest of the world.

The words and whispers and mutters and the blatant gossip and bad mouthing.

“Look at that younger girl sitting at that table dear...shes so thin I think she should be in a hospital not a restaurant.”

“Ewww mom look that girl looks like a skeleton!”

“ Honey shush….”

“Is….is that girl ok?”

“Dude of course she isn’t just look at her shes unhealthy as fuck. Probably has some kind of eating disorder too or something.”

It all flooded over me and all of my happy mood washed away under the wave. I couldn’t tell if the others could hear them so I grit my teeth tried to tune it all back out, trying so hard to focus more on Kori’s explanation of her points. My hands began to curl up subconsciously, making Damian’s attention snap to me. Fuckin I….no, I cant tell him...I shouldn’t. I forced my hand to uncurl and that stupid smile sprawled across my lips as if someone had put tape over them. I saw his eyes narrow and near begged mentally for him to not say anything or for Dick to distract him...anything.

“Ahem….your meal.”

I have never more thankful to a waitress before in my life...until I saw the look she gave me as she placed my admittedly large order of food in front of me, something that was normally a platter for two people’s worth of beef and sides. I caught the judgmental and suspicious look she had glancing between me and my food and I felt shame burn all over, starting to hang my head to avoid that damn look.

“ If this is all our food then your job is done. Don’t you have OTHER tables to be serving?” Damian’s curt and sharp tone cut through the air and briefly through my shame. This waitress knew nothing about me and i certainly owned no one any explanations about my eating habits, so why was she hanging around giving me looks about my food…?

“ Damian don’t be so rude!” Dick cleared his throat and I felt his strong arm wrap protectively around my shoulder as he leaned close to the edge of the table while Kori’andr apologized for Damian’s attitude vaguely. But I could hear it, there wasn’t much life to her apology. It sounded like a politely required apology, almost...defensive?

“ I am so sorry about my little brother Miss. He’s also sorry. But do you need anything else since we seem to be all set here but you’re still hanging around when you must be very busy…?” Dick’s words were sweet and cheerful, but there was an edge to his tone that gave a clear warning. His arm around me tightened a little protectively as he gave one of his signature charming smiles that could light up half the damn city as he then inquired if there was some sort of problem. The waitress stammered that there wasn’t any problem and that it was fine and for us to enjoy our meal before scampering away to continue her work. I felt other patrons eyes most DEFINITELY on us now and I couldn’t help shrinking into the taller man’s side to hide.

“ I’m sorry this keeps happening…” I murmured to him as our respective dates started eating and slowly reviving their conversation, moving on to mission recounts and training while Damian shot a dark look at the other patrons that made them look away. Dick gave my shoulder a squeeze and i moved closer for that familiar warmth and comfort...my chest felt heavy and my appetite had died and I wanted to curl up in my room and die of the shame. But I couldn’t, he wouldn’t have let me. So instead I instinctively sought out the safety Dick’s presence brought me, like a protective older sibling whose arms I could be enveloped in and forget about the harsh world outside them.

He knew without words, catching my body language before anyone else at the table. He knew me best.

“ Do you want to leave? We can get to go boxes and enjoy this meal all the same back at the tower, or even mine and Kori’s apartment. Is that what you’d rather do?” It was tempting, oh god it was so tempting to just say yes and let him lead me away while I re-gathered myself, same way he did when we were both 13 and living under the same roof...before…

I shook my head and forced those thoughts to the very back of my mind. I was in a dark enough place of mind already without that.

“ N-no...you guys set this up...i...i don’t want one nosy waitress to ruin our whole meal. Lets just eat ok D?” He smiled at the nickname and ruffled my hair with a nod, both him and Kori making sure I knew if things got too uncomfortable we could leave and the heaviness eased a little at their consideration. I started picking at my food and slowly regaining my appetite, once again nudging Damian with my foot to start up conversations. I ignored the words for the majority of the dinner, we even began to enjoy ourselves again. The last straw was probably as we were paying and putting leftovers in to go bins. I was admittedly nibbling on food out of my bin, despite starting to feel full.

“ I swear you are a bottomless pit sometimes Gracia.” I rolled my eyes at Damian’s remark and gave him a small smirk as I licked my fingers clean.

“ This bottomless pit can still kick your ass in training wonder boy~” He grunted and I saw the challenge glow in his eyes as he smirked back, an excitement for tomorrow’s combat training flaring up between us.

“ You really shouldn’t mix up your delusional dreams with reality alpha PUP.” I said something snarky back and we began to bicker halfheartedly over who was winning. I finally snapped shut my leftover box and stood with Damian as we stared each other down confidently, Dick chuckling at our competitiveness.

“ Tomorrow morning’s combat training will certainly be interesting with these two all riled up already.” The words didn’t fully process as I cracked my knuckles and squared up to the admittedly….taller boy.

“ Last I checked Damian I was ahead 11-10. And tomorrow, I just cant wait to make it 12.” He gave a hard laugh to my face and faced up to me with a smirk as our other two companions stood and shooed us more in front of the table so they could leave their seats. He opened his mouth to say something likely scalding and snarky back at me when the worst comment pierced between us both like a goddamn bullet.

“ Damn, I never knew such a sickly, too skinny bitch like her could eat like such a fat fucking pig.”

I think I stopped breathing as my body flinched at the following laughter. The man was clearly on the tipsy side and sitting at a larger table with a group of laughing friends, though the one who said it was standing next to the table with a drink that reeked of the cheapest alcohol this restaurant probably sold, and he didn’t stop there. Oh god of course he didn’t stop there. He kept laughing and loudly making obvious comments at me and openly mocking me and how much I ate to his table, either fully aware of what he was doing and that we could clearly see and hear him or too drunk to really care as more insults and name calling that I had heard and seen and read plenty of times before fell from his mouth. My heart was pounding in my ears as the next few moments happened slowly.

I thought I had seen anger plenty of times before, the worse being the one and only time someone made a malicious joke about my appearance to my face when I was walking beside Jason and it took all my supernatural strength to drag him off and away the guy before he murdered him in broad daylight and to keep him walking to wherever we had been heading.

I had seen pissed, but I had never seen downright hellish fury until that moment when I looked at Damian and Dick.

I had seen Damian mad, and angry, and pissed, a few times in our first meetings at me personally. I had seen Dick mad, angry, and pissed off a a fair chunk of times, even if they had never been directly at me. I had never seen this expression on either of them in those times. And in those few moments that passed almost in slow motion and Damian began to lurch forward with murderous intent the thought finally hit me. ‘ Was this...the first time these two had really heard the comments about me? Oh god…’ I felt like I was moving in honey as Damian stalked past me and I tried to reach out to him slowly, a gleam to his eyes that made my blood go cold.

If someone was to ask me in the future what I believed Death looked like, I would say with completely conviction that death would have the exact eyes Damian had in that moment: lethal, merciless, and furious. And he would have Dick’s cold expression, a look I never wanted to see on the normal cheerful man’s face ever again.

Time snapped back to a normal speed like a whip and my hand grasped nothing but air as Damian stormed over to the man.

“D...da--”

“What did you just say you disgusting drunk.” I might’ve shivered at his tone and I felt Kori’s hands on my shoulders tugging me back protectively as she looked down at me worried.

“ Gracie...don’t listen to him, there’s no reason to cry.” Cry? What was she talking ab--

That’s when I felt it, something warm and wet sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I...I was crying. My walls and my limit of bottling things in for one day was crumbling away as I watched Damian go to confront the man, my voice disappearing under the surge of hurt and anxiety. I couldn’t even say his damn name. I felt frozen and helpless as Dick stalked after Damian, fists clenched.

I had to do something say something anything to stop them before things went badly I had to I had--

“Eh?What the fuck did you say to me brat?”

“ You heard me you worthless piece of filth. Apologize to her, now.”

I needed to do something anything as I felt myself crumbling. Why wasn’t Dick stopping him why

“ And what if I don’t pipsqueak? You gonna hit me? Now scram. Maybe take your little bitch to a hospital for treatment instead of parading her around a restaurant with normal people!”

“ He might not do anything, But I will. Now take it back before things get messy.”I think my body began trembling as I watched panic swelling. I just wanted to leave and go home. I didn’t want to see this unfold, I just wanted to be home at the tower curled under my covers to simulate the warmth of another person holding me. I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere else then stuck in this nightmare.

So I moved without thinking and lunged, aiming for the back of Dick’s jacket to grab and ready to swallow any shards of pride and beg to leave. Instead I collided with Damian’s back and rolled with it, hugging him tightly from behind and tugging back with a whimper.

“ P-please you two...l...lets just leave...please lets just go home please…” Kori grabbed Dick’s arm firmly and tugged him back.

“ Dick...shes in the midst of an anxiety attack, let it go and lets leave. We need to get her out of here.” He took a difficult deep breath but nodded glaring down the man harshly enough that he flinched and scurried to the bar with his tail between his legs mumbling insults. One of his friends started to stand and began nervously apologizing, though one vicious look from the boy I was holding shut him up fast. It took me and Kori working together to drag the two out of the restaurant and the ride home was tense and silent. I couldn’t look at any of them, instead opting to stare at my feet wiping my eyes.

“ Does that happen often. People talking about you like that.” His cold tone made me flinch a little. At this point I was so upset and anxious and emotionally drained on the inside that I thought Damian was mad at me of all people for what happened. Those dark thoughts began to slowly bubble up to the surface and my insecurities screamed that he blamed me for what happened in the restaurant. I remained silent, too upset to answer. I heard his growl of annoyance and I began to hunch up, ready for a verbal fight.

“ Damian drop it for now. Shes in no right place of mind to talk about it.” Dick warned from the driver seat with a low voice that reminded me he was also upset and angry. When we got back   to the tower I didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, I just bolted for my room as fast as I could, at a inhuman, unnatural speed that they couldn’t keep pace with.

I stayed locked in my room for three days, not willing to face any of them the next morning during training. Everything was heavy and hurt and it was hard trying to rebuild those shattered walls of protection, that image of unbothered confidence. I stayed in bed locked away from the world and curled up under the weak protection of my sheets mostly unresponsive to those outside it.

The first to come knocking and checking on me was Kori, asking if I was ok and if I needed to talk. She left after a little while of trying for a response unsuccessfully though, saying she’d come back to check on me later. It was maybe an hour later that Garfield came knocking, asking why I’d missed breakfast AND training. His voice was concerned as he asked if everything was ok and if I was even in there. The concern poked painfully into my silence, tempting me to speak and make myself vulnerable.

Vulnerability killed. I knew that first hand. So I forced myself to stay quiet until his knocks and footsteps faded away.

The rest of the day passed in a bit of a self deprecating blur, only marked by Kori’s two other attempts at my door. The last one I barely noticed as exhaustion kicked back in and I drifted off into an unsteady sleep

The next day after I woke up things still went by in a near timeless blur. I could hear my phone buzzing and vibrating and rattling for my attention but I left it there on the nightstand unnoticed and curled further under the sheets, lost in a slate tinted world of dark thoughts and darker temptations. But that day was harder to drift away through.

The first to stop by was Jamie, knocking a few times and calling out to me with concern and worry clear in his voice as he asked if I was ok. He asked if I’d eaten at all since yesterday, since he hadn’t seen me leave my room. The thought of eating made my stomach stir and my body curl around it ashamed. He knocked a few more times after that, his voice growing a bit more worried at the lack of answer. After awhile I heard him walk away and I barely lifted my head as I hugged my too skinny too unhealthy body close, feeling those blaring imperfections and flinching at myself.

It was no wonder everyone said those things...if so many people said them so often then they must be true.

The next to come by was Raven. She only knocked twice and gave a small sigh.

“ Gracie...I know you’re in there. If you need someone to talk to...my room is in the next hall over, and I will be here to listen. I wont force you to come out...just please remember you aren’t alone here. You have the team behind you.” I bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to keep my ensuing whimper silent. The words, soothing and reassuring in context, stabbed into my heart and my resolve. I WANTED to depend on them, to throw open the door and break down under the assurance I could and would not be treated differently after, and be assured and comforted and remind of the positives. I wanted it so badly I was scared of it. Or maybe...I was scared of it NOT happening as those damn fears and insecurities and dark thoughts sowed heavy doubt through me. She lingered a little longer than Jaime, eventually her footsteps disappearing. I remember meekly poking my head from the sheets to stare absently out the half covered windows lost in thought, time slipping by me once more to the point I almost didn’t register Garfield and Kori both stopping by my door again at least twice more worried.

When Dick stopped by as the sun was setting was when the harder pain set in.

I heard the knocks and ignored it in favor of the changing color sky the sunset offered, my room washed in a dim orange and amber gleam. Then I heard his voice, soft and sick with worry from the outside and my heart thudded so hard it hurt. Hard.

“ Gracie...C’mon Gracie-girl please open the door. We’re all worried about you...I’m really worried about you. You haven’t eaten for a day and a half...Please let me in...” I almost broke completely at the pain in that familiar voice, the voice I never wanted to be the cause of being in pain or anguish again.

Well looks like I did a GREAT job of preventing that didn’t I?

He knocked again, asking and pleading and trying to reason, anything to get that door to open. My eyes burned with hot fresh tears and I curled up into a tight ball whimpering softly and breaking my vow of silence.

“....D-dick...p-please...j-just leave me a-alone…I-i just need some t-time alone…”

My voice came out pathetically weak and shaking with tears, which I know he heard. There was a silence for a few moments, perhaps shock that I actually answered this time. I felt warmth sliding down my cheeks as he sighed and reluctantly muttered that he’d come check back on me tomorrow and that there was leftover dinner ready for me to heat up on the kitchen counter before he slowly walked away. His fading footsteps echoing in my ears. Was my heart breaking on every step away? I couldn’t tell. That feeling slipped into the dark thoughts that followed the setting sun. Dark thoughts that also reminded me of the one person who HADN’T come to check on me, and the resulting pain of his absence.

The third day had been mostly quiet. It was almost a painful relief, quiet meant no additional pain of--

“ Gracia.”

That one word coming from Damian’s mouth sent so many things through me and sent any resolve I had spiraling away. His tone was a forced kind of neutral, he sounded as if he was trying to stay calm but it wasn’t exactly working. There was something to his voice I had no energy to figure out. He didn’t knock and there was silence for a few moments but I felt his presence remain.

“ You haven’t eaten since the restaurant.” No questions with him, he didn’t need to ask, always calm and analyzing.

“ ...You cant just stay in there forever Gracia.” A stern lilt to his voice, weakly enforced by the faint sound of his hand on the door. I could only whimper and curl up more. There was another stretch of silence before he sighed and his footsteps continued down the hall.

He was the only one to come check on me, a blessing and a damnation.

The day and night went by so listlessly I didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to banging knocks on my door. The volume grated on my sensitive hearing and made me flinch. Who would even be knocking like that…?

“ Oi. Kid. I know you’re still in there. Open the door.” Jason’s hard and no shit taking voice shot through me. Why...Why was Jason in the tower? Why was he in the city?

The knocking continued relentlessly, unlike the others. It even got louder and angrier.

“ Kid I said open this goddamn door.” There was no request or plea in his voice. It was a command, a harsh, cold command. I tried covering my ears with my hands and curling into a tight ball as the knocking continued. He wasn’t about to give up to a little girl.

I knew this too well.

“ Graciea Rosica Lucio I swear to god if you don’t open this goddamn door in the next couple second I will break it down. Now get off your fucking ass and answer me.” I don’t know what it was, but hearing his threat sent my body into mechanical motion, trudging over to the door and reluctantly unlocking it and letting it slide open with a low hiss, the banging finally ceasing. I couldn’t look him in the face, empty and ashamed it took threats to get me to open the door. So I stared dully at his boots and took in his scent as he grabbed the front of my shirt and dragged me back inside. I stumbled clumsily along with as he sat me on my bed and stood in front of me. I kept my gaze down towards his knees, the smell of nicotine wisping off his body in a way that told me he very recently had been smoking, no less than an hour ago most likely. Smoke and city is what filled my room. There was only a beat of silence before he spoke.

“ Look at me.” I lifted my head and stared at his chest and his crossed arms, unwilling to look him in the eyes. I couldn’t bare to see what kind of disappointed look he likely had on his face. Perhaps I didn’t want to see my reflection in his eyes, see the sickly, disgusting and bony figured girl with greasy hair and dark circles under dulled eyes and sallow cheeks. I heard the slight growl that rumbled from the back of his throat in warning and I briefly wondered if I would be forced to look him in the eyes. His arms uncrossed and I prepared myself for anything.

Anything except for two big plastic grocery bags filled with fast food bags and orders was dropped onto my lap, the contents still hot. I blinked slowly once, twice, and finally got enough courage in my confusion to look up at his face. When I did I was a little startled.

“ Eat. And you aren’t moving until those bags are polished off understand me?”

He looked visibly angry, eyes narrowed and mouth locked in a fearsome scowl with eyebrows furrowed. But his eyes were soft and worried and it took me a minute to realize worry was what was making his scowl so harsh. He crossed his arms across that broad chest again and I realized he was in his work gear, all the way down to the guns strapped to his thighs. All he lacked at the moment was his helmet and domino mask, his dark hair messier than usual and the white streak falling between his eyes. We had a staring contest and in those pupils I saw myself, I saw the shell I had become and it made me sick, breaking me briefly from the depressive haze.

How the hell had I let myself fall this far, this deep?

We didn’t speak until he grunted, eyes narrowing more in a way even those concerned blues didn’t weaken the glare as he spoke gruffly.

“ You better start eating before I start just shoving it down your damn throat.” I knew he would too. He wasn’t fucking around, I didn’t doubt he’d follow through with any threats made. Slowly I looked down at the pile of food and reached for the first bag, pulling it open and blinking fast as fresh tears stung my eyes.

It was from our favorite diner, and it was my usuals two cheeseburgers and large lightly salted fries with a second order of fat steak fries and fried pork strips. He’d even gotten all the little sides I enjoyed with it and I looked back up at him with a pained look. Maybe that look made him relax because his expression softened slightly, his voice quieting to something gentler.

“ C’mon now...I brought you all your favorites, now start eating...it’s been three days and your body cant handle that. We can talk after.” My shoulders slumped as all the tension stored in my body dissipated a little as he continued to speak, like a tightly pulled strong finally cut loose.

“ Kid I’m not mad at you. No one is. So just eat the food and then we’ll figure shit out, just like we do on any other visit.” I think the tears started falling because his face got blurry and there was warmth in my face. If I did start crying he didn’t say anything, just nodded at the bag. I gulped and slowly but surely pulled out one of the burgers and slowly took a bite, struggling a little to swallow it with a throat that was closing up from emotions. Once I did though my hunger kicked me hard and I began devouring the food, one bag after another.

It took me about a half hour to finish both plastic bags but I did, followed by slamming through at least two water bottles and one thick milkshake that almost made a mess. Jason simply watched over me as I ate from his spot in front of me. The silence was almost soothing, not painful as it had been before. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I looked back up at him and we made eye contact.

“ So are you going to tell me what happened? Really happened?” I broke his gaze to stare towards the floor as the acidic shame began to creep back over me. He sighed.

“ C’mon kid just let it out already. Who am I to judge? So why don’t you trust me like you USED to and tell me?” Those words shot through my heart and head.

I...I wasn’t trusting him...trusting anyone...I…i...

It was like Jason opened a flood gate.

It all came spilling out with a new surge of tears and mid sentence cracking sobs, my body physically heaving from the intensity as it all came out. All the months of insecurities and pain and doubts and fears and comments and negativity and hate and bullying came rushing out like a tidal wave and Jason took to all, listening to everything without a single word as I let everything out and let myself break down completely, wails and sobs replacing words eventually. I felt him shift and kneel in front of me, felt big strong sturdy hands grip my shoulders to steady me and keep me anchored as I buried my face into my hands and gasped out cries and pained wailing yowls that filled the room and spilled out of it. I vaguely remember the sounds of multiple hurried footsteps coming towards the door but I didn’t care. All I felt was Jason’s hands on my shoulders and his steady, continuous heartbeat in my ears as well as he strong breathing. One set of footsteps dared to enter the room and hurry over, only stopped by Jason’s calm voice.

“ Let her get it out, its the only thing that’ll help.” The footsteps stopped and eventually the wails faded into blubbering whimpers and whines and hiccups, constantly sniffling. I lifted my head to look at him through blurred eyes and got one brief sight of Dick standing behind Jason that sent me into a whole new wave of sobs.

God I’ve been nothing but selfish and now I’d fucking hurt Dick again even when I swore I’d never do that again and i--

I let out a high pitched whine that turned into pathetic blubbered and wailed apologies. Over and over like a broken record I couldn’t stop apologizing to them for everything even parts that weren’t my fault  in any way I still apologized for it I just couldn’t stop. Jason’s grip on me tightened only slightly before slipping away and for a single moment I was terrified I’d annoyed him with all the apologies and was about to add that to my list of them when two strong arms wrapped around me and and Dick’s scent surrounded me.

“ Shh shh shh shhh….shhh Gracie its ok now shh shh its ok I got you its not your fault…” I sniffled and wailed out more sobs and begs for forgiveness as I clung to him like he was a life preserver. And at that moment he was. He hugged me tighter and practically cradled me into his chest stroking my hair as he murmured reassurances, assuring me I was well forgiven and it wasn’t my fault. Everyone got insecurities especially when facing so much negativity. How I was so strong for fighting it for so long regardless. But it was ok to not always be strong and be able to handle it. That he was there and it was ok now. It took awhile but eventually all my noise quieted down to sniffles and hiccups and the occasional whimper as my trembling and heaving finally eased away into a limp tiredness. I felt exhausted but in a way different than the past couple days. I felt lighter and the more Dick spoke gently the lighter and more relaxed I felt,all the pain easing as he banished every dark thought one by one.

“ You ARE a hero Gracie.”

“ you aren’t a skeleton or a scarecrow or a twig.”

“ You are not too bony.”

“ You’re beautiful.”

“ You aren’t sick and you don’t need any doctors.”

“ You’re ok. The way your body works and retains weight naturally is not your fault.”

“ You’re only thirteen you’re still growing kiddo.”

“ I was scrawny and thin until I was at least sixteen Gracie its not that uncommon.”

“ You do NOT have to hold yourself to stupid human beauty standards.”

“ You’re beautiful to us, that’s all that matters.”

“ You’re ok, you have us.”

Each and every statement cleared my mind and I slumped against him with tears still falling down my cheeks. His hand carefully cupped the back of my neck in a soothing gesture to ease the wolf side of me, adding a very small amount of pressure to ensure the sense of security and safety the movement brought. I whispered out a hoarse thank you, my throat sore and raw but already beginning to heal. He smiled into my hair and I let my eyes slip shut in contentment. I felt...stabilized, as if the whole world had been constantly tilted dangerously under my feet for months and now it had finally been returned to normal, balancing me once again.

I felt a second, no technically third, hand tangle itself into my thick and greasy hair and ruffle it affectionately, fingers tangling themselves in the dark chestnut locks.

“ We’re always here for you kid. Whether you like it or not. You can be honest and confide in your inner circle Gracie. We aren’t going to look at you any differently...so next time don’t keep your mouth shut.” My nerves settled and I leaned into his hand with a loud hiccup, making him snort. I looked up and saw both older men smiling down at me, both with their own kind of soft expressions. I rubbed my eyes and wiped my nose and smiled back shakily, feeling like everything was going to be ok for the first time in a long while.

I learned a few things a few hours later, after I’d fallen asleep in Dicks arms and woke up on the couch out in the Tower’s game room with Garfield and Jaime looking after me. My head was resting on Garfield’s leg and he had his elbow rested on my upper arm comfortably as he and Jaime played some kind of two player video game, keeping their voices lower than usual to be considerate of me sleeping. Opening my eyes was difficult as they felt dry and crusted and stung from crying so much. But my throat was no longer sore. When they saw I was awake they paused the game and and told me they were happy I was up, as I had been out cold for at least a solid couple hours. That was when I learned the first thing : Dick and Kori had informed the team of the incident at the restaurant after the first day I stayed locked up in my room, and Garfield had let it slip in his rage that he thought I had finally stopped getting those comments, and confessed that I’d been getting bullied and harassed about my appearance online for months. What I found out was all those months what I failed to notice was Garfield fighting back on my behalf every chance he got. He defended me, constantly called people out for harassment and even worked on getting some of the worst and most aggressive ones banned. For months he’d been do it as relentlessly as he could, filling his own social medias with both our pictures and his constant defense and positivity towards me to fight it back. It got lost in my own comment section so I stupidly didn’t realize. It warmed my heart knowing he’d kept my back even when I never noticed or mentioned it, though he waved it off and just gave me his big old smile telling me it wasn’t that big a deal,

“ After all, you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat!” And he wasn’t wrong. But I still hugged him tight in thanks anyway, an embrace he happily returned as he warned me next time I lied about being harassed there’d be hell to pay.

I assured him there wasn’t going to be a next time anymore and for the first time in months finally wholeheartedly meant it.

The second thing I learned was Jaime told me during those first two days I was locking myself away Damian had gone back to the restaurant and used Bruce’s name to hunt that guy that had been harassing me down and gotten a few hefty harassment charges and minor endangerment charges slapped onto the guy, throwing in a sob story of how I was now in emergency care in the hospital because of him. I knew he didn’t throw his last name around often, didn’t exactly like having to do so to be taken seriously. The fact he did for me…

I had a lot more feelings for Damian after that knowledge.

The third thing I learned was that the only reason Dick and Kori hadn’t come by to check on me yesterday was was because they spent the entire time hunting for Jason to get his help with getting me out, and when they DID find him he stormed for the tower and made it there before they did somehow, he was that angry.

As they were telling me this and retelling a very tense video call between Nightwing and Batman during the second day Damian came in in his full Robin attire, regarding us stoically. When I saw him I stood and the room quieted as I approached him, the both of us observing each other. When we stood a foot apart I stared into his masked eyes quietly and he looked into my tired eyes. I saw his mouth start to open to speak and my body lurched forward without me, hugging onto him tightly.

“Thank you...you didn’t have to do that for me thank you thank you thank you…” He was quiet and I was about to let go and move away when I felt his arm come around me and grip the back of my shirt, returning the embrace. Neither of us was at a point that we were really physically affectionate by any means but my heart swelled when he hugged me back, leaning his head against my own and allowing me to bask in the warmth of his arms and his scent. When I felt him roll his shoulders I took that as my cue and slowly pulled away, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek as I did before retreating back to give him his space.

I think I saw his cheek flare pink but I’ll never say for sure because that would mean admitting just how red my own cheeks were.

I’d love to say that after that everything ended happily and perfectly and things went great forever and ever. But I cant, life doesn’t work like that.

But things did get better.

I was under heavy supervision several weeks, with almost stricter watches on my food intake to make sure I didn’t try to over eat or try to force weight gain. Bruce had me stay with him and Damian for a few weeks as well to make sure I didn’t slip back into that dark place. It was a bit smothering at times...but in all honesty I welcomed the smothering because I knew it meant how much they all cared. And staying with Bruce again...it brought up my mood believe it or not. Being in the manor brought back happier memories of my childhood and seeing the man I considered a fatherly figure more often perked me up. Plus I got to see Tim a lot more than usual in those few weeks, a perk and joy all in itself as he kept me company when he wasn’t too busy with his work. Tim was also the one who disabled all comments on my social medias one calm rainy evening in the lounge. I was grateful and he patted my head after as he read his case files. I think I might’ve fallen asleep against him, I cant say I fully remember. With each passing week I felt better and better. It took a long time for my self esteem and confidence to rebuild itself, but it got some jump starts. Perhaps the best part was two months later after a sparring session with Kori. She was giving me tips on striking with a staff when Dick and the big bad bat Brucie himself walked in.

“ Batman? Has something happened?” He shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder.

“ I’m going to borrow Gracie for a few minutes.” Dick gently took her hand and smiled as he whispered something to her as he led me out of the training room and placed a long bottle of what looked like red chewy vitamins into my hand. When I looked up at him confused he gave me some of the best news of my life.

“ These are specially created vitamins designed to accommodate your body’s inhuman metabolism. Tim helped me create them. They're designed to help regulate fats and carb distribution in your body and allow your body to hold onto and gain more weight without immediately burning it off. Take one every week and in a few months you should be up at least one weight class if not more as long as you keep to your regular healthy eating habits, just like you wanted. By Tim’s calculations within the year you should gain enough weight to have a thicker figure, though you may always retain this thinner “ballet-ques” figure...you will more closely resemble the figure of girls your age.” I stared up at him then at the vitamins and sniffled, fighting off tears of joy. All those weeks with Tim and his seemingly just curious questions about my species and their anatomy...the “ case files”...I owed Tim a lot for this.

“ It was Dick’s idea, after all that happened two months ago.” The softer tone brought a smile to my face and I nodded, barely restraining the urge to hug Bruce while he was in the cowl.

“ T-thank you...thank you this means more to me than you know…” He nodded and turned to leave but I caught the ghost of a smile on his face as he walked away.

And once he had I ran back into the training room and tackled Dick to the ground with a ecstatic howl, shifting mid leap into wolf form and licking his face in gratitude, making him laugh as he lazily tried to push away my affection.

I started taking them that day, and it took a few months for a noticeable difference to take place, but it did. My clothes and uniform stopped hanging off me like a walking scarecrow and I started developing the beginning of a feminine figure. I stopped trying to stuff my face too much at every meal and with every week after my self esteem raised back up a little higher. Maybe people saw it in the big, wide crooked smiles in pictures of me now, no matter who they were with. Or maybe the team saw it in the fact I stopped trying to hide my body in layers of clothes, walking around in my favorite tank top after missions instead of over sized sweatshirts and shirts, or the fact I didn't mind sudden pictures taken of me. Regardless it showed and in time I was more than happy to show off that confidence. Throughout it all Jason made near constant visits between jobs to make sure I didn’t have too major of setbacks and Dick stayed by my side as often as he could, supporting me and being a physical reminder almost that I was never alone.

And I didn't feel alone.

And one day as I was getting ready for an outing I paused in front of the mirror and looked at myself, looked at my slightly more filled out tank top and the small curve of slightly more defined hips and an actually fairly filled out stomach, a fuller figure to match my broader than normal shoulders. I slowly looked into my own eyes and after a moment I began to smile.

Somehow….I didn't hate looking into the mirror as much as I used to.

“ I do not look that bad. I look fine.”

“ Gracie c’mon you coming? C’mon the others are gonna leave without us!”

I smiled at my reflection wider before running off out of the room after Jaime’s voice.

“ Im coming!!”

I dont look that bad.

And now I could finally start to see that.

The end.

OOOOOOOH ITS FINALLY DONE ITS FINALLY DONE! 

Ive been working on this for three months now and it was really difficult to finish. Originally it wasnt supposed to be so angsty but...it turned out really angsty at the end.

@phantommoonpeople

@kid-crashed

@call-me-n0ni-chan

Tagging those I know will want to read this

I hope you all like it!!

[rosebudmendes]

30 Questions Challenge

Rules:

Tag the person who tagged you ( @writemedontwrongme)

Answer the questions

Tag 10 people

1. How tall are you? 5’9 or something tall like that 

2. What color and style is your hair? Boring brown and a little wavvyy

3. What color are your eyes? Browwwnnnn…I sound like a broken record Jesus 

4. Do you wear glasses? Yeppp I look like a damn secretary in a porno 

5. Do you wear braces? Thank goodness I don’t anymore…I had them for 5 fucking years

6. What’s your fashion sense? Eh probably goodwill professional if thats a way to describe fashion

7. Full Name? g Mendes salvatore (duh) 

8. Where were you born? USA

9. Where are you from and where do you live now? U S of A 

10. What school do you go to? I go to a private college in the middle of nowhere…im a junior and cant wait to be done 

11. What kind of student are you? Over compensatory with my personality and extra credit bc im just naturally dumb 

12. Do you like school? I like certain subjects but I hate being tested 

13. Favourite school subjects? Marketing!!! And thats about it 

14. Favourite tv shows? Friends, New Girl, The Vampire Diaries, The Bold Type  and The Fosters

15. Favourite movie? Dirty Dancing & The Edge Of Seventeen 

16. Favourite books? The Sun Is Also A Star, and The Darkest Minds series (still reading) 

17. Favourite pastime? uhhhhhh listening to music and staring at the ceiling ? 

18. Do you have any regrets? Who doesn’t?

19. Dream job? Either a wedding planner in Chicago or a event director for a cool company like Spotify or Netflix 

20. Would you ever like to be married? Ideally, yes 

21. Would you like to have kids? Not biological…idk if thats an option for me but I want to ADOPT THE SHIT OUT OF KIDS 

22. How many? 2 at minimum…I want to foster at some point too

23. Do you like shopping? YESS I have a spending problem but like winter is depressing and retail therapy works 

24. What country have you visited? Uhhhhhh I havent left America 

25. Worst nightmare you have ever had? I have alot of nightmares abt my childhood and its honestly the worst (thx anxiety) and I dont ever talk abt them

26. Any enemies? Im sure I do idk 

27. Do you have a significant other? Nooo :( 

28. Do you get along with your family? Yeah on a surface level we get along, not too close tbh 

29. Do you believe in miracles? Yes ? 

30. How are you? Freakin insanely tired bc I couldn’t sleep but thats a boring answer 

I tag:

@bluerroses @stockholmshawn @fourtristattoos @horny-for-shawny 

and any one else who wants to do this!!

[snowflakeb0ttles]

I never thought i’d be saying this but I enjoy being at school 200x more that I do being home

[han-and-kai]

Get to Know Me Taggie

thankoo @peachangbin for tagging me!!

The rules are: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs u want to learn more about   (jesus how am i supposed to tag 20 nopenopenope)

1. Nickname: Mari (mah-rhee) (lolol my name is Maryam like (mahr-yum))

2. Gender: Female

3. Sign: Virgo

4. Bday: sept 7, 2000 (a week before jisungie!!)

5. Height: the doctor said im like almost 5′4″ (like 161-162 cm ish) but i honestly feel alot shorter

6. Time: 5:22 pm (aaa just got home from school a lil while ago i cri)

7. Fav Bands (this is gonna have alot whoop): kpop: bts, stray kids, astro (these are just my ults i listen to a couple more) americano: (im an emo child) set it off, marianas trench, all time low, panic at the disco, fall out boy, etc

8. Fav solo artists: A TO THE G TO THE STD (lol i had to) also RM, Zico, Taeyon, aaaaaand thats it

9. Song stuck in your head: Waving Through a Window from the Broadway Show Dear Evan Hansen (thanks diane r_r) 

10. Last Movie You Watched: Whisper of the Heart (Studio Ghibli)

11. Last Tv show you watched: Riverdale 

12. When did u create this blog - June 2017 (my old blog got deleted thanks to my sister rip 2012-2016) 

13. What do u post - Kpop stuff, mostly bts and stray kids, SOMETIMES I DO ART STUFF LOL FOLLOW MY INSTA :D 

14. Last thing u Googled - inches to cm for that height question xD

15. Other blogs - im co admin of @thetextingbangtan (we arent that active rn cuz school but we try ok) 

16. Do u get asks? - *strums ukelele that i dont have* nobody knows meeeee~*strum* but i would like themmmmm~

17. Why did u choose your URL - i love jisung and hes my bby xD

18. Following - 66 (I HAVE THE SAME NUMBER AS PEACHCHANGBIN ODCIFVUDCFV WOW) 

19. Followers - 32 

20. Average night sleep - im a baby i get like 8-10 xD

21. Lucky number - i just like the number 4 cuz it looks like a lil pennant 

22. Instruments - i learned clarinet last year and im probs not gonna continue

23. What are u wearing - navy blue tshirt and gray tights

24. Dream job - comic book editor (not gonna happen tho lolol)

25. Dream trip - Tokyo

26. Fave food - I like homemade lasagna too omg peach we should be friends oefive

27. Nationality - Pakistani

28. Fave songs - Lost- Bts,  School Life- Stray Kids, Baby- Astro

29. Last book u read - um do shakespeare plays count 

30. Top 3 fictional universes - Alice in Wonderland, Harry Potter, and...? Would the world of an anime count cuz Ao Haru Ride i would love to go to school with Futaba (fuck kou tbh)  

i guess i gotta tag ppl now eroivrefscver

@mosquitofelixsfreckles @felixsfreckles @yang-jg @chanbaee @changbinsplushie @squishywoojin 

[brownthrussy]

1-85

Wade you got me fucked up smfh jk

1.) Are looks important in a relationship?:To some extent yes, since its kinda a attention grabbed. Eventually the personality is what becomes more important.

2.) Are relationships ever worth it?:Most are, as long as they’re healthy, but some are better off ending.

3.) Are you a virgin?:I hope my mom doesn’t see, but no. If my mom ever sees this then hell yeah I am lmao.

4.) Are you in a relationship?:Surprisingly yes

5.) Are you in love?:Considering my lack of love interests and mainly unhealthy relationships surrounding me, its hard to tell for myself but I believe I am yeah

6.) Are you single this year?:Jeez I hope not lol

7.) Can you commit to one person?:Yes.8.) Describe your crush:Hmm normal lenght hair, dark eyes, average height and thicc

9.) Describe your perfect mate:Sounds similar to 8 but I guess someone I can be comfortable and relate with.

10.) Do you believe in love at first sight?:No lmao im pretty sure thats a crush.

11.) Do you ever want to get married?:It’d be nice someday so sure lol

12.) Do you forgive betrayal?:Depends on the situation and how the person thats asking for forgiveness acts. If they learned their lesson and understand what they did wrong then I could forgive possibly but if not then no.

13.) Do you get jealous easy?:No lol its cause im bad at taking hints so I cant tell when someones hitting on me or el bae

14.) Do you have a crush on anyone?: Mi novio lol

15.) Do you have any piercings?:Nope lol

16.) Do you have any tattoos?:Nah lol

17.) Do you like kissing in public?:Nah lol i dont like being the center of attention

ERROR: 18 and 19 DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST??

.

20.) Do you shower everyday?:Si

21.) Do you think someone has feelings for you?: Well I hope my bf likes me lmao

22.) Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?: hmm its possible so sure lol

23.) Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?: Well i’ve been doing it so yeah lol

.

24.) Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?: i don’t think so but hey who knows what future me will do lol

25.) Do you want to be in a relationship this year?: i want to keep it so yes lol

26.) Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?: Si

27.) Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?: Not that I know of lol

28.) Have you ever been cheated on?: Officially no, but I had a few suspicions from my ex so it wouldn’t surprise me

29.) Have you ever cheated on someone?: No

30.) Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?: I’m ok really lol

31.) Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?: lmfao yes sadly.

32.) Have you ever experienced unrequited love?: Yeah. With my “ex”, we weren’t officially in a relationship we were just dating.

33.) Have you ever had sex with a man?: no homo but yeah lol

34.) Have you ever had sex with a woman?: tbh i just don’t support that lifestyle… i have straight friends tho so es cool

35.) Have you ever kissed someone older than you?: si

36.) Have you ever liked one of your best friends?: Nah lol I love them in a platonic way

37.) Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated? No lol

38.) Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to? Yeah lifes pretty wild

39.) Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?: yeah lmao its terrible 0/10 would not recommend

40.) Have you ever written a song or poem for someone? No im not an artistic person

41.) Have you had sex sex so far this year? Si but im staying a virgin til marriage

42.) How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Depends on the mood I guess???

43.) How long was your longest relationship? Lmao the current one so almost a year!

44.) How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? 1 lol

45.) How many people did you kiss in 2011? Lmfao 0 I was an awkward disaster back then. Now i’m slightly less but with a better fashion sense.

46.) How many times did you have sex last year? Idk I wasnt counting lol but life fucked me over alot so that counts too right?

47.) How old are you? Believe it or not, but i’m 21 lol

48.) If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say? Well rip my relationship then but it’d be something like “she ain’t ugly but she ain’t me”

49.) If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Hmm I like the attentiveness and los jokes

50.) If your first true love knocked on your door with an apology and presents, would you accept? If its just forgiveness then probably yeah. Regardless im taking the presents tbh as compensation

51.) Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for? Yes

52.) Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Nah they usually leave me first before I can say im done

53.) Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are? No lol my business is my own

54.) Is there someone you will never forget? My ex and former close friends tbh

55.) Share a relationship story: well we went to olive garden cause I had never gone. So I was feeling like a rich white woman cause it looked fancy and the waited asked if he could toss the salad for us. My stupid ass thought he either meant in a sex term or literally flipping it. Guess what I mentioned out loud. So homeboy leaves and I realize I can never return here without realizing that i assumed that the waiter wanted a fucking threesome because I spend too much time looking at memes smh. Oh and he spilled drinks on the people next to us including this lady and her phone so guess who got tipped good cause id die if i were in his position smh. Moral of the story is this is why I shouldnt go out

56.) State 8 facts about your body: I have a fat stomach, yet skinny arms and legs lol, i got a birthmark by my right shoulder that looks like hawaii apparently, if one hand moves the other tends to attempt to do the same thing, i got my apendix removed, theres a scar from said surgery on it, I barely have body hair but it grows quick, i accidently stabbed myself with a led pencil. The led remains up to today

57.) Things you want to say to an ex: Someone is contradicting themselves lmao sorry for not being what you wanted but you could’ve treated me like a decent human being. But I guess im unreasonable for wanting trust and communication lol oh well

58.) What are five ways to win your heart?: food, pokemon, more video games, trying ya best and being direct with one another.

59.) What do you look like? (post a picture!): so like do i post a new selfie in a seperate post or???? Eh ill do that later

60.) What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners? 6-7 years 😥 lol

61.) What is the first thing you notice in someone? How they react to situations lol says alot as a first perspective

62.) What is the sexiest thing someone has done for/ to you? Bought me food 😍

63.) What is your definition of having sex? Well it involves a penis usually afjvhadaish

64.) What is your definition of cheating? Well besides doing it physically, by lying to your S/O about not seeing anyone else and talking to others with the intention of cheating

65.) What is your favorite foreplay routine? Loving jesus

66.) What is your favorite roleplay? Reading the bible together.

67.) What is your idea of the perfect date? It involves eating, going out doing anything since anything can be fun if you’re with the right person. If it gets everything that is stressful about life and makes it seem irrelevant at the moment then this is the moment

68.) What is your sexual orientation? No homo but men are ok. So un homosexual

69.) What turns you off? Well acting like a child or being rude and dismissive.

70.) What turns you on? Communication and trust can I get an amen

71.) What was your kinkiest wet dream? Ok so there I am in battle wearing regular armor but with channel boots and I destroy my enemies by walking on them since they wronged me. There’s also lesbians.

72.) What worlds do you like to hear during sex? Are you feeling it now, Mr.Krabs???

73.) What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you? Anything really, its mainly the thought that matters

74.) What’s the most superficial characteristic that you look for? Hmm facial features and eyes lol

75.) What’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for you? Gave me the pink power ranger pop lol my girl

76.) What’s the sweetest thing you have ever done for someone? I gave a rare pop as a gift for christmas. It cost $50 lmfao

77.) What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships? As long as its legal and consensual then its alright

78.) What’s your dirtiest secret? Dont got any lol not any that come to mind atleast

79.) When was the last time you felt jealous? Why? Idk middle school lol crush had the nerve to talk to someone that wasnt me smh. Im glad i grew up and learned

80.) When was the last time you told someone you loved them? Whenever I see my best friend and hes about to do some dumb shit

81.) Who are five people you find attractive? So is this like from tumblr or anywhere?. Hmm theres mi novio, my best friend and fuck it like 3 of my mutuals lmao i almost tagged em

82.) Who is the last person you hugged? My younger sister

83.) Who was your first kiss? An old friend lol we dont talk no more

84.) Why did your last relationship fail? I have no idea. My ex was like “i gotta be alone” then pulled the “we’re different” card. And I figured it was both until my friend showed me that he was on tinder with an updated bio and photos that he had sent to me initially. So I guess ill never know lol

85.) Would you ever date someone off of the internet? Yeah why not lol if the connection is there

[seilon]

GETTING TO KNOW SHINEE WORLD

Tagged by @flowercrownshinee!! 

01: How did you get into SHINee?

oh jesus well.......like back in 6th or 7th grade my friend was really into shinee and it rubbed off on me over the span of like three years and now we’re not friends anymore but i REALLY got into the group like.....three years ago?? yeah anyways idk why it hit me then but it just kinda did and now im Here 

02: Your favorite member in SHINee is?

im technically a jinki stan but they are all my favorite in different ways.............

03: Bias wrecker anyone?

HAH

04: Your favorite SHINee OTP (if you have one)

2min and jongkey >:3c 

05: Is there a SHINee ship you don’t like?

many. most of them. especially t*ekai. look im petty ok 

06: The SHINee member you think is most easily shipped

ok in reality it SHOULD be jonghyun (bc hes literally in love with everyone) but it seems more like taemin is shipped with everyone more often 

07: Your favorite Korean song by SHINee

LOVE STILL GOES ON

08: Your favorite Japanese song by SHINee

yikes um... . .wanted or picasso maybe? 

09: Favorite album

misconceptions of me, lucifer, 1of1 

10: Your favorite live performance

oh jeez theres so many..........love still goes on first shinee concert, key’s judas performance, the iconic like a fire performance, honestly theres so ffuckin many 

11: First SHINee MV you saw

hello i think? 

12: Your first impression of SHINee

“a quirky band that makes really pop-y pop songs that my friend is in love with and who really wants to marry lee taemin” 

13: Is there a SHINee member that recently impressed you?

key has been super multitalented recently and his in the heights performances are really amazing so!!!!! !

14: The SHINee member you think has changed the most over the years

taemin honestly, but kibum seems like he’s been through a lot of change too 

15: The SHINee member you think has changed the least

jinki and jonghyun.....jonghyun’s image has changed but his personality has really seemed similar like he’s always been an emotional romantic who stares lovingly at every single idol ever 

16: Your favorite SHINee MV

married to the music is really great but i really like alot of their mvs!!!! 

17: Your favorite SHINee lyric

i’m that cool cat (meow)  (i really dont have one) 

18: The SHINee member you think has the best face

yes

19: The SHINee member you think has the best body

,,.....jinki but thats just personally 

20: The SHINee member you think has the best personality

yes 

21: A SHINee picture that makes you smile

22: A SHINee picture that makes you nostalgic

23: Your favorite quote by someone in SHINee

“proFESSIONAL” -onew “hes my type” “hes kind of stupid” -kibum about jonghyun “taemin i love you” -minho 2012 (in korean), 2014 (in japanese)  “is this some kind of naked show? im going to take all my clothes off” -key 2016 “i like men” -taemin 2013 to his “wife” on we got married  theres so many.......so many 

24: A picture of your bias with someone else you like in another group

25: Have you seen SHINee live?

yep korea times music festival last year in LA. jinki waved at me and i almost got kicked out and im still not over that i also hit one of my mutuals with a jacket 

26: Do you have a favorite variety show moment?

OHHH theres so many.....hello baby in general was fucking fantastic but from that i especially liked jonghyun being hit in the dick by yoogeun, jongkey acting married, when taemin n minho kissed for legend of chungyang and jonghyun just took photos the whole fukciegn time, “this is why they have 11 kids”, jinki trying to get food for free at the mall from other variety shows- was it sooyoung who kicked minho in the dick on running man??? someone did and that was great. every single weekly idol dance thing theyve ever done, that one show where key totally schooled some guy in girl group dances???? that was amazing honeslty theres so many things i could put here ok  taemin on that one show and he called minho and minho said somethin abt “i’d go anywhere for taemin” thatt.. .. . that  anything on keys knowhow. anything. that show was fucking ridiculous 

27: How would you describe SHINee in three words?

talent, iconic, stunning 

28: Which SHINee video would you show to someone who has never heard of them before?

married to the music??????? 2X FASTER SHERLOCK ON WEEKLY IDOL...... that one vid from swc3 of like a fire, girls girls girls sw3?? ? ?? ?so many  

29. Is there a memory in connection to SHINee that you will always treasure?

KOREA TIMES MUSIC FESTIVAL  oh  ygdo do..  . .  . ..

30: If you could tell SHINee anything you wanted…what would that be?

you’re all so talented and just wonderful individuals that are so passionate and determined in what you do. i hope you’re doing wonderful and living your life to the fullest and making sure every moment is as pleasant and happy as you want it to be! you bring joy to so many people and perform with all your hearts and that’s just really amazing and wonderful. <3 

i’ll tag (if you want to do this aaaa) : @fairykibum @choimnho @jvngkey @pettykibum @tofnew @5hineesback <3