#jesus christ another fucking movie podcast

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Hey, I started a tumblr for the podcast Sean and I do about movies. It's @oldharrieds, and there is a single post so far (some great gifs from X, which is the latest movie we've watched).

I'll be updating episodes to youtube this weekend and then setting up a queue to get the episodes linked properly via the tumblr. If you wanna check things out, just pop over and follow. We're only doing horror movies right now, though we have a lot of ideas for other types of films, but we're just trying to have a good time, so we're not working ourselves into the ground.

[headgehug]

dear headgehug the gang hits the slopes is very divisive and i would like to know what your opinions are

of course i have opinions. thank you for asking. and so polite too.

below the cut cause i got carried away. jesus fucking christ. sunny meta posters watch your backs. i can do paragraphs too. <3

slopes is a fantastic episode. sunny doesn't take the gang out of the bar often and so when they do it usually creates a very fun, upbeat one off episode, such as water park, the big game episode, jersey shore, etc. it's a big deal! this episode does not fall flat in terms of a little gang outting. are you kidding me?? an 80s sports movie parody? incredible. they pulled it off super well. all of the ways they make fun of it with the "i don't care. we're only here two days." and the announcer stuff and the ski dude being pathetic and disappointing. hilarious. if you disagree with me on this point consider that fast times at ridgemont high was my favorite movie for several months. spicolli charlie with a bagel in your pants come back to me.

okay. this episode has some of the funniest lines that never fail to crack me up. "his ankles are broken for sure" "oh they're surely broken!". classic. pathetic dennis. creepy dennis? tryhard dennis? where the hell did he get a whole ski crew dennis. dennis agreeing with charlie (iirc) about the candy mountain miniature.

"i fracked the mountain" as a frankgirl i absolutely love this episode. this is peak frank. causing mischief for a profit. destroying the environment. love it. always gets me.

here's something. i like how disgusted the gang is with the lame guy at the end. i'm sorry i forgot his name. and i'm lazy. you know the guy. it shows how they are all horrible people but they Do have limits. albeit limits that.. should have showed up a little earlier. perhaps that is out of character for them. i disagree. eh. it's interesting to have the dude off the rails not be in the gang for once. maybe that's what people dislike about the episode?

love the way they make fun of the announcer stuff. and charlie being the straight man about it. and then going uh nvm bro! when it starts to work for him. feels pretty classic sunny a la we're a gay bar now! but while also feeling like not another teen movie. or whatever that parody was. (great movie. btw).

alright. let's talk about the elephant in the room. charlie sex scene. listen. i'm tired of pretending this ruins the episode for me (i'm jk i don't think i've ever pretended that). i'm not only a charlie woobifier but also a charlie sexualizer and it's hot. i do think he would do the :D face the whole time. that does not ruin it for me at all. the scene is gratuitous and gauche and excessive and so so stupid and excessive and it makes me blush and cringe and yet... damn baby...

remember early in the podcast when they were talking about like, if you break your leg filming you better fucking continue filming because you broke your goddamn leg for that. well. i'm deeply disappointed of course if that scene was filmed outside of the actors' comfort zones. and i don't think they should necessarily do something like that again. but, they did it, and it's in an episode, so... you know. let's leave it in. anyways all things considered? the saxophone part is very hot. i think it could have been very tasteful to skip all the fucking and just cut to the sax part. it's the best part of the whole thing by far ///>w<\\\

not to mention i think a charlie romance/fling plot is fun. idk. i mean there's the argument that he Wouldn't Do That and that's absolutely fair, but also, this is kind of an au, i don't think any of them can actually ski in the show, it's just for funsies. charlie getting the hot model while dennis gets his ankles broken is hilarious. the hot tub scene is amazing. charlie climbing into the tub fully dressed is very hot. i think charlie is enough of a jerk that if a hot lady flung herself at him and he was frustrated anyways he would be pretty down. sorry for being a horndog charlie truther. i genuinely love all other opinions and takes though. none of my headcanons are really serious. i'm playing both sides etc.

anyways listen. i think slopes is a good episode. if it wasn't for the sexy part this would be the sort of episode i'd show ppl new to sunny cause it's hilarious and it looks pretty good and its lighthearted. ohh boo hoo it's not plot relevant fuck off. if every episode was dennis' double life or mfhp this show would have been cancelled a decade ago. i do not watch this show for plot. i watch it cause it's funny. any cool plot is just a bonus. slopes was good.

[nat-20s]

 Part 8 of the wonderful! Au: the boys answer some questions! Up to you to decide if they actually clarify anything!

(also on AO3)

~*~

Martin: Hey everyone! I know what some of you are thinking right now: it's not Tuesday, why is this episode in my feed? I know significantly more of you are thinking: I don't consistently keep up with podcast releases, how much free time do you think I have, buddy? To answer your queries: this is a bonus episode! We're answering listener questions to clear the air and/or have fun. Also, I don't know, around 20 to 40 minutes a week, as that is the average amount of time per episode? Maybe during your commute? My husband's omnipotence has been gone for five years, we just have to guess at that sort of thing now.

Jon: For legal reasons, that last statement was a joke. In fact, to cover all of our bases, we do not guarantee that any of our responses are genuine.

Martin: Just because we say we'll answer things doesn't mean we'll answer truthfully. Though, honestly, I think we might make it more enjoyable if we do tell the truth. Like, I don't necessarily have a fun lie prepared for our first question from konspiracyking97: "What's their fuckin deal anyway?"

Jon: Is this referring to the oblique references  we've made about being from a parallel reality and only ending up here as a consequence of ending one apocalypse and potentially starting another or the general premise of the show?

Martin: Oh, it's gotta be general premise, yeah?

Jon: In that case, I'm Jon, the other voice you're hearing is Martin, we're married, and we talk about things that are..nice? Good? Usually generally but occasionally rather specifically pleasant.

Martin: That pretty much covers it. It's not a complicated show. Uhh, next question comes from Shane: are either or both of you aliens? Nope!

Jon: Well..

Martin: No. We are 100% human people from Earth, we are under no definition extraterrestrial.

Jon: Eh..

Martin: Okay, first off, I know the tone of that 'eh' and "not fully human" is not synonymous with alien, so even if 100% is being a bit generous, we're still from the same planet as our listeners.

Jon:..

Jon: But. We sort of aren't though. Technically speaking.

Martin: No no no no no. I don't care if it's parallel, Earth is Earth is Earth, regardless of whatever nonsense metaphysics might be occurring.

Jon: So what you're saying is that if you got sucked through a portal and landed on an Earth where dinosaurs were still the predominant species, you wouldn't consider yourself to be an alien?

Martin: Nope!

Jon: I'm certain that they would consider you an alien. All of their mammals are probably shrew sized.

Martin: Sounds like a them problem.

Jon: Sounds like a-?! You know what, no, this will be an off the record debate, for now, I suppose I concede that the two Earths and our physiologies are similar enough that we might, maybe, not count as aliens.

Martin: Thank you. Anyway, our next question is from anonymous, and asks, "Is all of this an ARG?"

Jon: A whomst?

Martin: Alternate reality game. It's a method of storytelling that's interactive with audience, and usually has, I dunno, a certain suspension of disbelief to it where it pretends to be something actually happening in the real world until a dramatic reveal. A lot times it was used as a marketing gimmick, but others have done it just for fun. I can show you some examples after the show?

Jon: So it's in essence a more involved creepypasta?

Martin, delighted: Aw, babe, I'm never going to have a handle on what pop culture you are and aren't aware of, huh?

Jon: We were born within a year of each other, and I've told you that I was a deeply morbid teenager, you should probably be able to intuit some of things, love.

Martin: This coming from a man who has yet to see "It's a Wonderful Life", but has seen every film in the "Banjo Cannibals" franchise, including the Easter special. Jesus doesn't exist in the Banjo Cannibals universe, why does it have an Easter special?

Jon: The movies are rather shoddily translated from Russian, so I'm fairly certain the Easter component of that special was invented wholesale in the English version.

Martin: You say that like it answers more questions than it raises.

Jon: Yes, because it does. Oh, and to answer anonymous's question, no, this isn't an ARG. From my understanding of it, if it were, it'd be a poorly constructed one, as there's no real game element to any of this.

Martin: Hmm. Well, sometimes the game component is just trying to figure out what's going on with the story, or if there's any deeper content, and people are definitely doing that with this show.

Jon: That's not by design though. It's more a side effect of us having poor brain to mouth filters, I'd say.

Martin: Harsh, but fair. Oh, this next one is from Zac, no K, who asks, "Are you two actually even married?"

Jon, flat: We are, but it's under false names because this whole thing is an elaborate insurance scam.

Jon, incredulous: Yes, obviously, we're married. What did you hear in this podcast that would make you wonder otherwise, and how do we rectify it?

Martin: Clearly we need to up our quota for how "disgustingly in love" and "horrifically sappy" we are per episode. Which segues nicely into the next question from Gwen, "What's your favourite wonderful thing you've brought so far?" My answer: my husband. He's kind of my favourite in most things, you know?

Jon: Boooooo

Martin: Why, what's your favourite thing?

[Jon reluctantly sighs]

Jon, indulgent: being married.

Martin: A: serves you right for trying to pretend you're the less horrifically sappy and romantic one even though earlier today someone put a love note in the lunch they packed for me-

Jon:- Lies and slander! I have never, in my life, done that, even once.

Martin: Oh, sure, not even once. And you definitely don't reserve the lilac sticky notes specifically for my lunches because you know I like the colour. 

Jon: I..I don't.. you're rather ruining my image here.

[Martin snorts]

Martin: Can't have the audience think that you are, on occasion, an incredibly doting husband-

Jon: -A title I would argue we both share-

Martin: - which is obviously why, even with it being your favourite thing you've brought, being married to me is just a small wonder-

Jon, audibly rolling his eyes: As I already explained-

[A Pause}

Jon: Actually, you're right-

Martin: Wait-

Jon:- I really should have brought it as a larger wonder-

Martin: Wait-

Jon: though I should warn you, I think I'd have far too much material for just one little segment-

Martin: No no no no no-

Jon:- In fact, I think I might have too much material for just one little episode-

Martin: Joo-oon-

Jon: I might have to do a whole series! Where would I even start? I mean I could talk about how every day I get to watch the early morning sun highlight your curls when I get up first, or hear you quietly humming and shuffling around the kitchen when you do, or I could talk about how the lunch notes only started in the first place as retaliation to the notes you would leave on the mirror for me to find, or how every time I get to see you at ease in a way that you aren't with anyone else, it takes my breath away, or I could talk about how cute I find the lines between your eyebrows that you only get when you're thinking something petty, but you know it's petty so you don't want to say anything-

Martin: Okay, okay, Christ, I give !up I surrender, and will cease my teasing on this particular topic.

Jon, probably making the :3 face: You don't have to stop. I mean, I could also discuss how very, very attractive I find your voice when it takes on a teasi-mmph!

[There's a pleased hum, then a pause.]

[The audio quality is slightly changed, as if the recording has been stopped and then started later]

Martin, giddy: Uh, heh, anyway, Eric asked what the least favourite thing we've brought was, and because of Jon's attempt to embarrass me live-

Jon, overlapping: It's definitely not live-

Martin:- on air, I'm gonna say it's my husband.

[Jon scoffs]

Jon : If the past few minutes are any sort of indication, I'm going to go ahead and saying that you are lying.

Martin, sighing contentedly: Maybe a bit, but how was I supposed to resist when your indigance gives you that adorable little nose scrunch? In reality, my least favourite thing was probably, um, mini golf? Which, I still don't think is inherently bad, definitely superior to regular golf, but when it's the only thing a next door two year old wants to do with you, the charm begins to wear off a bit.

Jon: Wow. A rather scathing review of a toddler.

Martin: Not so much a scathing review of a toddler as it's a scathing review of minigolf's inability to keep its appeal after the third time in the same week.

Jon: Mmm, the sound effects rather quickly go from part of the atmosphere to part of the irritation, don't they?

Martin: So what's your least favorite thing we've covered here?

Jon: Oh, love, I'm not going to pretend to have nearly enough memory of what we've covered so far to have a least favorite.

Martin: Really? Nothing that you regret or rescind?

Jon: Well, regret, certainly. It was one of the weeks where you went first, and your second item was mutual aid funds, and what they can do for marginalized communities, and I had to follow it with fucking Slapchop.

Martin, poorly suppressing laughter: In your defence, Slapchop, or whatever offbrand we have, is pretty useful, especially when either your scar or my arthritis is acting up.

Jon: I'm still not convinced you didn't somehow see my notes for the recording and decided you get revenge for the first year that we knew each other.

Martin, no longer suppressing his laughter: Yep, you got me! This marriage wasn't an act of insurance fraud, but it was a near decade long con to humiliate you on a podcast that about twenty people listen to. I'll draft up the divorce papers immediately, and then we can finally go our separate ways. 

Jon: I'm glad you've at last admitted it. Such a weight off of my shoulders. Goodbye forever then.

Martin: Right.

Jon: Right.

[A beat.]

[There's a pfft from one of them, before both dissolve into giggles that lasts a good 30 seconds.]

Martin, slightly out of breath: I can't believe we're the kind of people that talk this much about speciality kitchen gadgets.

Jon: Sorry about that.

Martin: God, don't apologize. I'm, like, deliriously happy with our varying degrees of useful cooking ware filled life. If you had told 25 year old me that one day he'd be debating the merits of getting a tortilla press with his husband, he'd have wept, I tell you.

Jon: Funny, if you told 25 year old me the same thing, he would've said "You don't know the future,piss off" and then quietly have a bit of a panic at 3 am that night.

Martin: I bet you were insufferable in your mid-twenties.

Jon: First of all, who isn't, secondly, I was fresh out of Oxford, and third, I was insufferable in my late twenties, as you can attest to, and I'm insufferable now, as you can further attest to, so extrapolation would indicate that, yes, I was insufferable back then.

Martin: Probably a different kind of insufferable, though.

Jon: There are different kinds?

Martin: Of course! You used to be "prick boss" insufferable and now you're "smug in a way that I can't admit I find hot or it will go straight to your head" insufferable.

Jon, in the aforementioned smug tone: Oh, really?

Martin: See, see! Straight to your head.

Jon: Well straight is probably the wrong descriptor-

Martin: Oof, 4 out of 10 joke, babe.

Jon: That would be a far more convincing rating if you weren't grinning right now.

Martin: It's a genuine review, I'm just well known to be a sucker.

Jon: You and me both, darling.

Martin: Okay, if you're pulling out darling, you're clearly in too giddy of a mood to be focused on recording. Last question, from Jess, "You two mentioned meeting at work, but how did you actually end up together?" That's easy, Jon pulled me out of a hell dimension and then we went on the lam together to Scotland.

Jon: If that's not the way to tell a cute boy you like him, I don't know what is.

Martin: All right, that wraps up this bonus episode, and as the old saying goes, hiding from murderers in a cottage is more conducive to romance than suggesting you gouge out your eyes together.

Jon, cut off: Hey-!

[ashintheairlikesnow]

*busts in the door* ANTONI SUFFERING PROMPTS? may I offer any combo of 8: pour salt in my muse’s wound(s), 5: drug my muse, and/or 23: trip my muse for my favorite ashtray 😍

One Two Three Four Five

CW: Burns, salt in wound, cigarette smoking, internal and external dehumanization, pet whump, emeto mention

"Sssshhhh." His whimpers have gotten too loud again, and there's a hand in his hair, rough petting that feels more like another kind of violence, opening new wounds. It's Quiet One crouched in front of him, head tilted, eyes sparkling in the graying darkness as dawn comes closer and closer. "Hold still. There we go. Good boy."

A shiver of pleasure runs down his spine, the simple pure sense of doing what he is trained to do, made to do. Made for, what he wanted, to make up for whatever sins are buried deep inside his ruined memory.

"How do you know all this shit, anyway? Not just the movie. They didn't get into half this shit in the movie." Deep-Voice is back in the wrecked kitchen, going through cabinets with doors that hang off broken hinges.

The ashtray is in what was the living room, his hands tied behind him with his own t-shirt, ripped to long strips. He's sweating, even in the chilly empty room, sitting up but slumped over. They've tied one bit of his shirt around his neck with a little bow.

A droplet of sweat runs down his collarbone, dips over his chest, finds a new burn and the ashtray hisses, biting on his lower lip to kill the sound until he feels blood burst free of him again. How many times has he bitten his lip tonight?

Lookout sits over by the front door, miraculously still intact right down to its frosted glass panels. He keeps looking outside and then back, chain-smoking, one cigarette after another even after his face seems green around the edges. There are five from him, five new circles of pain for the ashtray to focus on.

Three with his eyes sparkling, two with a growing uncertainty. Then Lookout went and threw up outside in the bushes someone had once carefully landscaped along the front of the house. He had to be convinced to stop panicking over DNA, Quiet One had to lecture him on not listening to the fucking true crime podcasts any longer.

They're not gonna test your goddamn puke, asshole. Besides, does that look like somebody who's gonna call a fucking detective? Get back in here.

Now Lookout sits by the door, and the butts of the cigarettes he has already finished lay scattered around his shoes.

"My uncle," Quiet One says, using the ashtray's hair to lift his head again, looking over the glazed, empty obedience written alongside the suffering, worn openly on his face. "Works for WRU. They're not supposed to talk about it, sign like the world's most ironclad NDA, but he tells me stories sometimes."

"Ron?" That's Lookout, voice shaking. He looks like he wants to throw up again. The ashtray blinks at him, dazedly. How can he look sick when the ashtray is the one whose skin is burning for his crimes? "Ron works for-"

"Hey! What the fuck did I say about names?" Quiet One rolls his eyes. Deep Voice comes back in, shoes crunching on glass and rocks and bits of crumpled paper and everything else that's been dragged in here over time. He crouches next to Quiet One, holding out a thick cylindrical... something.

The ashtray's eyes can't focus enough to understand.

"Look what I found," Deep Voice says, softly.

Quiet One grins. "Oh, yeah. Do it, man."

Deep Voice flips open a little metal thing along the cylinder's lid, and the ashtray's eyebrows furrow, confused. His thoughts move slowly, fighting through deep water.

He realizes what it is just as Deep Voice tips the canister of salt and pours it over the new constellation they've made on his stomach, reaching out with his other hand to rub circles, pressing the grit deeply into the burns.

The ashtray's back arches, every muscle locked, choked sounds coming from a throat that won't open enough for a scream. Quiet One keeps a hand in his hair to hold him still, watching with bright avid eyes, glittering with fascination as he looks at the veins in the ashtray's neck standing out, the blood smeared along his chin from his lower lip.

"Jesus Christ," Quiet One says, softly. "You're fucking gorgeous, buddy, you know that?"

"What if he gets, like, infected from this?" Lookout asks, hands shaking so hard he drops the lighter when he tries to light up again. "And like. Dies?"

"What if he does?" Quiet One shrugs one shoulder. "Sucks to be him, then, I guess." His eyes move over the ashtray's face, watching with intensity as Deep Voice pours salt on another set of burns, listening to the ashtray's hitched sobs, watching the tears track through dirt down his cheeks. "Fuck, man. Those cheekbones. I can see why some old fucking perv wanted you."

It wasn't for his cheekbones. The ashtray would tell them if he could remember how to speak. It was for his crimes, it was because he had done something so terrible he would give anything to escape it. It was because he had to pay for what he'd done. It was because-

Abruptly, Quiet One lets go of his hair, letting his head fall back down, chin nearly to his chest. "Hey. Get over here with the lighter, man."

"Why?"

"I want to do one more. I'm tired, I want to go to bed. Come on."

The ashtray catches Lookout's soft oh thank god as he gets to his feet and shuffles over, dropping the pack of cigarettes and the lighter into Quiet One's waiting hands.

"What the fuck, dude?"

"What?"

"You smoked like the whole damn pack! This shit costs money, you fucking baby."

"Fuck off, I'll buy you more. Just. Finish it up, I want to go home, too." Lookout looks away, out the broken windows towards the street. "People're gonna be fucking waking up soon. Let's get out of here."

"Yeah, yeah. Asshole."

Quiet One turns back to him, using one finger to tip his chin up, almost gently. The ashtray looks back at him, blank but for the pain. It fills his body, the throb of each individual new mark joining the itching aches of the old. The oldest scars are so faint they hardly mar his skin, the newest are bright red burns, skin buckling and bubbling under heat it isn't made to withstand.

"Pozhaluysta," He whispers, lips barely moving. "Pozhaluysta, Mr. Davies, ostanovites'."

"Mmmn. That's Russian, isn't it? Sexy. One more, pet. Think you can handle one more burn for me? Take it quiet and we'll leave. Can you do that for me?"

The ashtray nods, frantically, in desperate need for it to end. He can go back to his room, with the bars on the windows, and sing himself to sleep. He can go back to his room.

"Good boy."

The ashtray stares at the little red circle of light as the cigarette is lit, the flickering flame. The click of the lighter as it shuts again, the smoke blown into his face. Familiar and wrong, this smoke is bitter and acrid and Mr. Davies always smelled sweet and almost herbal when he smoked, the deep clove smell in the ashtray's clothes, his hair, lingering on his skin.

They untie his hands from behind his back and the bow from his neck, Quiet One rubbing at the deep red marks left behind, thumb moving back and forth over the ashtray's Adam's apple, breathing softly. "Shit. God, I wish I had one of these for mine."

"Well, unless you discover a shitload of money, you'd just be stealing. Or... like, committing a bunch of fucking felonies."

"Yeah, yeah. If I clean up a bit I bet my uncle could get me in at WRU. I heard they have a handler there who fucking killed like four people before he got the job."

"Jesus Christ, dude, seriously?"

"Yeah. Peters or something. My uncle doesn't fuck with him. Nobody does. Said he's fucking gross but he gets Employee of the Month like all the time. I could be gross for money."

"Man, who wouldn't be gross for money."

"Ha, right? All right, let's finish this shit up." Quiet One sighs, looking back at the ashtray. "You were a good fucking time, man. Enjoyed the hell out of this. Here we go. Stay quiet for me now."

Quiet One presses the cigarette into the inside of the ashtray's wrist, right in the center of his barcode, the one place that Mr. Davies never touched.

The ashtray bites his lip until it bleeds, whining deep in his throat as new tears fall, but he doesn't scream. He's quiet.

He's good.

He can be good.

"There we go." A ruffle to his hair and Quiet One stands, Deep Voice following almost immediately. Quiet One relights his cigarette and walks to the door, where Lookout moves outside before them.

Quiet One is the last to leave, looking over his shoulder at the ashtray still sitting on the ground, slumped over, in the ruined house. He lifts up his cell phone, turns on flash, and takes a photo.

The ashtray flinches at a sudden blinding light he barely registers as what it is, and Quiet One and Deep Voice laugh.

Lookout is already out by the street, bouncing on his toes, looking back and forth like he expects sirens any second.

"Maybe we'll see you again sometime," Quiet One says, and then they leave, their voices and laughter fading along with the crunch of gravel under their shoes, until the only sound left is the ashtray's ragged, uneven breathing.

He doesn't know when he gets to his feet, or how. He pulls the sweatshirt back on and leaves the shreds of his t-shirt behind. The front door is open, and when he stumbles outside, the sky is pink along the edges of the horizon.

The ashtray moves down the sidewalk, and he doesn't know where he's going, or what he'll do when he gets there.

He ends up standing, swaying a little, next to a stop sign in a place that looks familiar but he doesn't know at all. The pre-dawn light has everything slightly eerie and unsettled in his mind, shapes crashing into each other, puzzle pieces that don't quite fit.

A hand touches his back and he spins around with a gasp, staring down in terror at a short elderly woman with dark brown skin and thick hair a blend of silvery white and black pulled no-nonsense at the nape of her neck.

She looks up at him, her own eyebrows knitted. "I said good morning. Did you hear-" She goes quiet, and her eyes move over his face with too much understanding.

She knows.

Everyone knows what he is. Everyone has always known. It was a mistake to believe he could be safe anywhere outside the four walls of Nat's home. It was a mistake to think he could build a life that might involve leaving here, living on his own.

Everyone will always know.

Antoni swallows, and shudders as it makes the fresh burn on his throat ache and throb in reminder. He struggles to move his mouth to speak. "M-... Miss Ruth. D-Dobroye utro."

He realizes only then that his sweatshirt is still unzipped, and she can see the line of scars, the new burns and old, and heat rushes to his cheeks underneath the dirt already caking them.

"Oh, honey. What happened to you?" Ruth's voice is low, and she looks to one side, and then the other. Then she sighs and steps back, gesturing. "Come on inside my house, sweetheart. Just me this week, no one else to bother us. Let me patch you up, your people are still sleeping no doubt."

His people.

He is safe with his people, inside the house. But he has never been safe when he leaves. It is too easy to read what he is in every inch of his skin.

"Spasibo," He whispers as he follows her up the steps.

[gladiatortale]

My DEPRESSION BEATING, fandom obsessing, shit-tastic FANTASTIC year in review!

TL;DR: I’m fixing my mental health and figuring out WHO THE FUCK I AM one fandom filled day at a time! Thank you to everyone who’s been there for me along the way. xoxo

what’s up HEATHENS.

stating the goddamn obvious here, it’s been a HELLUVA YEAR. One emotional rollercoaster after another but we’re ALMOST DONE. I know things aren’t gonna magically get better the second it flips to 00:01 on January first, but I’m excited to put this year behind me, and (SHOCKINGLY) a bit sad to see it go.

It was a year where the whole world completely stopped, we realized what is really important, what is really worth fighting for, and took a GODDAMN SECOND to just breathe.

For me personally, the year (which I’m counting off from November 1st) started out UNBELIEVABLY SHIT. I had just been kicked out of the country I called home for the last four years (thank you Brexit), I had ZERO job prospects, my depression was the WORST it had ever been, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed in the morning. And in the beginning, the pandemic felt like salt in the wound, an extra kick in the teeth to my early twenties that had already “failed to launch.”

But I tried to embrace the madness, really take advantage of the world (that I always thought moved to fast) properly slowing down, and take time to try and become myself again. I wanted to figure out what I loved and try and become a bit more like the person I was before my depression got so bad.

I often say I became that Manic Trash Planet Lady™ you see in sci-fi adventure films; a bit zany to say the least, with a million ideas and a very eclectic fashion sense, but embracing the insanity as it comes...

*cough cough* audrey, get to the goddamn point!

Right. lol. THE POINT IS! 

I’m not 100% “healed”, I’m not sure if I think depression is a “oh look you’re officially cured! hooray!” type of disease, but this year I let myself ENJOY SHIT for the first time in god knows how long. I still don’t know “wHaT i WaNt To dO WiTh mY LiFe”, but I’ve got a better idea and I’m heading in (what feels like) the right direction. And most of all, I can look back and say I am better than where I was a year ago.

So I wanted to say T H A N K Y O U to the mad lads on this website that introduced me to the fandoms, shows, movies, fics... THE SHIT that made me happy this year and were there to be one (BIG) piece in my healing journey.

AND SO, with out further rambling ADO! Here are the highlights of the year marked by my ridiculous hyper-fixations and OBSESSIONS. Thanks for putting up with me ya fiends, xoxox

November 2019  The Arcana (Visual Novel)

I had just gotten home and I was in a LOOOOOOW place. Randomly decided to download this app when it came up and it proceeded to ruin my life (and my bank account...) for pretty much the rest of the year. It was exactly what I needed to get me through a tough time and I was thoroughly, horse-blinders-up-to-the-rest-of-the-world, OBSESSED. These gorgeous magical fiends ruined me and all I could say was thank you.

Joined the fandom: November 2019 Obsession peaked: Late November Obsession faded: December 2019; I started a new job AND my bank statement came in and I realized I had accidentally spent over SIXTY BUCKS on this stupid app. No ragrets, but I definitely started to phase out at that point. Fandom friends: Velma, (@lanavxds on insta) miss you girlie xx Fanfics you NEED to read: ‘Second Mistake’ by DeathBelle on AO3, because DAAAAAYUM SON. Favourite moments: Basically the whole of the Julian arc. That gangly himbo OWNED my ass for a month.

December 2019 Hazbin Hotel (TV Series)

Y’ALL okay here me out. Am I proud of this one? No. Is the show crass as hell? OOOOOOOOHHHH YEAH. Did my angsty ass love it at the end of last year? DAMN STRAIGHT IT DID. Goes without saying, but this is NOT FOR EVERYBODY, but it definitely helped me along the way to becoming more comfortable with myself and being open about being the massive geek that I always was, and watching things I enjoy regardless of what people say about it.

Joined the fandom: December 2019 Obsession peaked: Shortly there after. Fandom friends: None. Dipped one toe in fandom discourse and then promptly YEETED the fuck outta there. Obsession faded: January 2019. Still curious to see the full series if A24 actually ever does produce the whole thing, but I have def moved away from it. Fanfics you NEED to read: Haven’t read any. Maybe I’m a pussy baby piece-o-shit, but I DID NOT want to go down that rabbit hole, NO MA’AM. Favourite moments:

Discovering the Hunicast podcast. These guys are a riot and Ashley is a flustered GEM. Even if you don’t watch the show, go watch an episode of these fucking LADS just dicking about and your day will get better.

Watching the first episode with my partner and watching him realize his girlfriend is a total freak.

January 2020 Lore Olympus (Webtoon Comic)

*Officially* discovered this one thanksgiving weekend in 2019, but my Arcana phase was still raging pretty strong at that point so I didn’t really get in to it until later. EVERYBODY AND THEIR MOTHER NEEDS TO READ IT. It has everything and handles the reality sexual assault and it’s aftermath EXTREMELY well.

Joined the fandom: Late November 2019 Obsession peaked: January 2020 Fandom friends: KELLEY. MA GIRL XOXOXO Obsession faded: June-ish 2020. I’m like 10 chapters behind now, but I still love this story so much. Fanfics you NEED to read: SO MANY ON MY ‘MARKED FOR LATER’ LIST AAAAAH. I have to get to that... NEW YEARS RESOLUTION lol Favourite moments: Having a drunk conversation on New Years Eve in 2019 with one of my oldest friends from high school about how much she loved it too. Helped me see how popular fandom and fandoms, are especially after feeling like I needed to hide my enthusiasm through high school and uni. (THAT WAS A MISTAKE BUT I’LL GET THERE IN A MINUTE).

February 2020 Versailles (TV Series)

SO FUCKING GAY Y’ALL. Oh my god everyone in this show is so gay. Even when they’re not they still are a little bit. AND BEST OF ALL!! it’s very historically accurate (except for the demon satanic nonsense in season 3, what was that???)

Joined the fandom: February 2020 Obsession peaked: Like??? The SECOND I finished episode one. Fandom friends: none... WHERE ARE ALL OF YOU??? Obsession faded: March 2020. It was a fast and passionate love affair, what can I say? Fanfics you NEED to read: IF YOU HAVE RECS, GIVE ‘EM TO MEEEEE. Favourite moments: 

Showing the first episode to a friend of mine and the *ungodly GASP* that came out of her throat was... PRICELESS.

The ENTIRE throuple(???) relationship between the Chevalier, Philipe, and Palatine. PLATONIC/ ROMANTIC LOVE G O A L S.

March 2020 Yuri!!! On Ice (TV Series)

*deep breath* ...y’all knew this one was coming.

Was I ready for this show to ruin my fucking life? No.  Am I so glad it happened??? FUCK YEAH.

NEVER IN MY LIFE have I fallen off the deep end so quickly with a fandom. HOLY SHIT. This blog didn’t have much of an “identity” before, but I you said that this is a Yuri On Ice blog now I wouldn’t even be mad (nor could I really defend myself to the contrary... bc??? like??? just go LOOK at my archive). Craziest thing is I watched the first two episodes like?? a solid TWO YEARS ago, but I didn’t continue watching because I was just not in the right head space for all the love and silliness and positivity.

I could do a whole separate post about how much this show and how this fandom has changed my life (DON’T TEMPT ME I JUST MIGHT). But I’ll stick with the highlights for now ;)

Joined the fandom: March 2020  Obsession peaked: Has it peaked?? Went straight up and it still going lol Fandom friends: Sandra, my mentor, my queen @aeriamamaduck, my fandom ride-or-die. Thank you for taking this internet bby under your wing. RACHEL @idancewiththefairies I TRAPPED YOU HERE. MUAHAHAHA xxx Obsession faded: ON GOING. CAN’T STOP, WON’T STOP. Fanfics you NEED to read: jfc, SO MANY.

‘Until My Feet Bleed and My Heart Aches’ and ‘Of Bright Stars and Burning Hearts’ by Reiya @kazliin​ -- Rivals AU companion pieces. Longest fics I’ve ever read and JESUS CHRIST these two fucking SENT ME. Most popular YOI fics on AO3 for a REASON.

‘Tell Me Where Your Love Lies’ by @aeriamamaduck -- Royalty AU, trope-breaking ABO. Ah sweet, TMWYLL, how you’ve killed me over and over again. This BEAUTIFUL wip has SUCH amazing world-building idk where to start (Congrats on passing 50,000 hits!) EVERYONE GO READ IT.

‘Blackbird’ by sixpences -- WWII/Coldwar Spy Fic. I don’t have enough words to describe how amazing this is. It’s elevated to a higher plane beyond fanfic. Just go read it. Thank me later.

‘Zanka’ by rinsled05 @dreaming-fireflies -- The geisha fic that ruined me. *deep breath* AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH *gasp* I’m fine. lol I sooooo not ready for this fic. Holy hell, Aoyagi had my heart in his hands from the first chapter. “’Please’ [...] ‘Don’t give me hope.’“ FUUUUCK.

‘Echoes’ by Reiya @kazliin -- Future fic. First fic I cried at... BOI. I was NOT ready for this. Shouldn’t be surprised given the author, but MAN. “‘A love like that, a love like what they had together, it never leaves completely.’ Yuri spoke again, eyes still staring out onto the ice, lost in memory. ‘There are always echoes.’” JUST FUCK ME UP.

Favourite moments: Oh good lord, where do I begin??

Having two (count ‘em TWO) main characters with mental health issues (Yuuri and his anxiety and Victor with burn out and depression) and NOT MAKING IT THE ONLY ASPECT OF THEIR PERSONALITY. CLAPS FOR KUBO AND YAMAMOTO!!

Everything about Yurio (ESPECIALLY HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH YUUKO AND HIS GRANDPA), that tsundere motherfucker is too pure for this world.

THE KISS. THE PROPOSAL. MY HEART WASN’T READY. AAAAAH!!

This fandom *properly* introducing me to smut on AO3...

Thinking I was going to get Rachel to like the show... NOT being prepared for her to fall off the deep end and START LIKING REAL SKATING TOO!!

Staying up waaaaaay too late waaaaaay too often to plan out plot points for TMWYLL with Sandra. Love ya dearie.

The warm fuzzy feeling I get every time I think about Victor and Yuuri.

April 2020 Bungou Stray Dogs (TV Series)

I had a hunch I was gonna like this show considering ALL of the characters are based off of famous classic authors from around the world... what I was NOT prepared for was just HOW MUCH I was going to love it. HOLY SHIT. The art style? Love it. The plot?? Bonkers, but so fun. THE VOICE CAST??? AMAZING. Highly recommend to anyone who wants to get in to anime, great place to start.

Joined the fandom: April 2020 Obsession peaked: Probably this summer? But we have DEF plateaued in a VERY high place. Fandom friends: FIJI. MA BOIIIII @lil-1nsane  Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Hope it doesn’t Fanfics you NEED to read: So so so many. The smut in this fandom is *chef’s kiss*, but here are a few...

‘He Works Hard For the Money’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- Sugar Daddy AU. FUCK MAN. I was not expecting to like this one, but bloody hell. This fic grabbed me by the throat and WOULD NOT let me go. Praying for chapter 16! But the author is working on another STELLAR fic so I’m okay for now.

‘Everything or Nothing’ by CataclysmicEvent @cataclysmicevent2019​ -- University AU. FUCK THIS FIC. Started reading it as I was waiting for HWHFTM to update and BOI, this fic ROCKS. The alternating POV fits so well with the enemies/idiots-to-lovers vibe. Solid 10 outta 10.

‘The City Where Wind Blows’ by @raven-rein​ -- Cancer Death fic. *pained shriek* AAAAAAGUUUUUUUHHHH *gasp* aaaaaaAAAAAAHHHHHHHH, FUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKK MEEEEE. THIS FIC. Only the second fic I’ve ever cried to but I BAWLED MY GODDAMN EYES OUT. FUUUUUUUCK. I was not ready, never would have been ready. This is so tremendously well done, it killed me so beautifully, 

‘Haunted by Hatred’ by DeathBelle -- Canon compliant Soukoku. It is a CRIME that DeathBelle doesn’t have more BSD fics on her page, but this one is still brilliant.

Favourite moments:

THE CHUUYA-DAZAI MAFIA REUNION TEAM UP WHEN THEY FIGHT LOVECRAFT. Ooof. BOI. We love it.

The first three episodes. Soooo many break neck plot twists.

Every insane hypothetical conversation with Fiji.

Every time Atsushi or Tanizaki is on screen bc I LOVE THESE LIL BEANS.

June 2020 Trash Taste (Podcast)

Goddamn I love these chaotic lads so much.

As I became more and more comfortable with myself and my love for anime I stumbled upon these three goons, -- Joey, Connor, and Garnt, -- best known for there SUPER successful (mostly) anime YouTube channels. Even if you don’t watch anime, WATCH/LISTEN TO THIS PODCAST. The focus is mostly on their lives and the overall expat/immigrant experience, with a bit of anecdotal anime references sprinkled in. 

This show is both wholesome and heathenous in equal measure, and after having lived abroad for a significant portion of my (admittedly still quite short) life, it was such a breath of fresh air to hear people talk so openly about how living outside your home country is both wonderful and terrifying. They’re wonderfully candid about the fact that even if you love a place dearly, no where is perfect, and you WILL hate somethings about your new home even if the majority of the experience is fantastic. I cannot rate this show highly enough.

Joined the fandom: June 5th 2020, loved it from the first episode. Obsession peaked: July maybe? I was RELIGIOUS about watching the episodes as soon as they came out. Still watch every week, but less “on time.” Fandom friends: None :( but I have tricked my partner in to listening several times :) Obsession faded: It’s dimmed from where it was, but still going strong. Fanfics you NEED to read: NONE. NEVER PLAN TO. Hard and fast rule, I don’t read fics about real people. Characters played by real people, even that’s a maybe for me. But real-real people? FUCK NO. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Any time Garnt and Connor get into a big-brain-monkey-brain argument and Joey is just LOSING his GODDAMN MIND in the corner.

Bringing a retired Japanese porn star in the show for an honest conversation about consensual sex work and showing people can have more than one career in life.

Everything about the, ‘Are Online Friends Real Friends?’ episode. GO WATCH IT, it’s brilliant.

Garnt making “chotto-THE-FUCKING-matte” an expression

August 2020 Great Pretender (TV Series)

Spent most of the summer marinating in my BSD and YOI bubbles, until THIS BAD BOI came up on my Netflix recommendations. HOOOO BOI. This is some Anime Of The Year shit right here. Has a pretty original concept (Catch Me If You Can by way of Oceans 11-ish) but generally starts out like most other shounen (sans the super powers). AND THEN EPISODE FIVE HAPPENS. Not gonna spoil it but they TOOK THAT SHIT UP A NOTCH. Brilliant, even with a bit of an insane ending. GO WATCH THIS ONE.

Joined the fandom: August 2020 Obsession peaked: Pretty much as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: What’s up Fiji ;) @lil-1nsane Obsession faded: Naturally faded, but so glad I watched Fanfics you NEED to read: None so far! Little scared about this one, heard mixed reviews, but maybe someday. Favourite moments:

Edamame’s “madness arc” at the end of season 2. HOOOO BOY.

Laurent getting fucking WRECKED when Edamame punches him mid way through season 2, kills me every time.

Introducing my partner to anime with this show.

October 2020 Attack on Titan (TV Series)

RETURN OF THE KING. lol

In my quest to find an anime that I can watch with my partner, I turned on season 1 of this bad boi. Holy hell I forgot how much I loved this show, NO WONDER everyone lost their goddamn minds when this show first aired. I NEED to catch up before all the season four spoilers come to get me...

Joined the fandom: Winter 2016 Obsession peaked: Basically as soon as I started watching it. Fandom friends: None yet, but I know you’re out there... Obsession faded: 2017, JUST BEFORE SEASON TWO... I should have stuck around longer I know, but it’s slowly coming back. Reeeeeally need to catch up on seasons two, three, and four. Fanfics you NEED to read: GIVE ME YOUR RECS HEATHENS. Favourite moments:

Watching my partner FREAK OUT about Eren’s “death.”

EVERYTHING ABOUT POTATO GORL! lol

Getting in a conversation with a die hard fan after I hadn’t watched it in three years and saying... “Who’s that blond bitch that cries all the time?”/ “Armin?”/ “THAT’S THE ONE!”

November 2020... kind of. Figure Skating (Sport)

Okay this one is a bit hard to explain. 

I have been a DIE HARD figure skating for A LOOOOOONG time. My grandmother got me a hat from the 2002 Olympics in Salt Lake City and I remember watching even then. But I first became consciously aware of different skaters, my faves, etc. from about 2010. I vividly remember watching Plushenko skating in 2014 while on a school trip to Hawaii, and my friends laughing at me as I yelled at the TV.

But I didn’t TRULY get involved in the fandom side of it until this year. I had all this knowledge bottled up, but didn’t have any skating friends to talk to... UNTIL NOW. Super ironic that this happened in a year with almost NO skating, but I’ll take what I can get ;) Also did I stay up until FOUR-GODDAMN-THIRTY IN THE MORNING a few nights ago to stream Japanese Nationals on my phone??? YOU BET I DID.

Joined the fandom: Three times; 2002, 2010, and 2020. Obsession peaked: 2014? 2018? Idk it peaks any time someone does something amazing. Fandom friends: Rachel, my girl @idancewiththefairies​, WHY DIDN’T I INTRODUCE YOU TO THIS SOONER??? Obsession faded: Hasn’t. Won’t. lol Fanfics you NEED to read: NOPE. NONE. NOT GONNA HAPPEN. No fanfics about real people. Never gonna change that. (some of my) Favourite moments:

Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir doing THAT routine at the 2018 Olympics.

Rachel​ sheepishly admitting to me that Shoma may have replaced Yuzu as her favourite, and me being SO DAMN PROUD of her for growing and developing her own skating opinions apart from me.

Yuzu’s 2012 ‘Romeo and Juliet’ routine and Worlds. THE RAW FUCKING POWER OF THAT SKATE.

Plushenko, cheeky bastard, changing his 2014 Team Event routine AS IT WAS HAPPENING.

The worlds friendliest rivalry between Yuzu and Nathan.

Any thing the Shibutani’s do, and all they do to break up the stereotype that all of Ice Dancing has to be rOmAnTiC and SeNsUaL to be good.

Watching my early faves become coaches and the D R A M A.

Honorable Mentions:

Coco (Film): I watched this the weekend I came home and I owe this movie a lot. It is so sweet an heartwarming, and it a roundabout way it brought me back to Tumblr (needed somewhere to vent my feelings considering I watched the movie a solid THREE YEARS after it came out, Tumblr seemed like the place to go lol). Watched in again in 2020 and it’s just as amazing.

Jekyll and Hyde (All media): Loved this book from the first time I read it in my first year of uni. But in December 2019, my fandom understanding reached its PEAK. The musical?? The comic?? YOOOOOO.

Dear Evan Hansen (Musical): I have BARELY engaged in fandom discourse, but the MUSIC. She fucking SLAPS.

Sirius the Jaeger (TV Series): This show is such an underrated gem. It literally has so much; "dead” family drama? Eclectic international group of monster hunters? Cowboys and vampires?? Yes, yes, and YES. And the main character has the same Japanese voice actor as Atsushi from BSD!

Studio Ghilbi (Films): My love affair with Ghibli goes back to when I was about 5 and BEGGED my mom to take me to the library so we could rent Kiki’s Delivery Service on DVD. But that love has been FULLY rejuvenated this year when I went to the Ghibli Film Festival in New York City (ironically in the last week in February). If you haven’t seen them, go watch From Up On Poppy Hill, Whisper of the Heart, and The Wind Rises. Spoilers, you’re probably gonna cry.

If you’ve made it this far, THANK YOU FOR READING! 

And thank you to all the amazing people that made my 2020 not so horrible. Good riddance 2020, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!

[the-awful-falafel]

Rick and Morty - S4E6 "Never Ricking Morty" Podcast Summary/Breakdown

So y'all probably expected this based on how often I've been talking about these official companion podcasts. I recommend listening to them yourself either on the official Adult Swim YT channel or the official website, but I thought I'd go ahead and make bullet point breakdown of some key points for this particular podcast, because trivia and behind-the-scenes knowledge really appeal to me. And this episode is pretty divisive in the fanbase, so I think this podcast will assuage some fears even if you still personally dislike it in the end.

For some reason, the title of the podcast calls this S4E7 instead of episode 6. It wasn’t commented upon, so I assume either it was a typo or it was 7 in the production order and got swapped shortly before release.

The interviewed staff involved in this episode were Carlos Ortega (character design lead), Erica Hayes (director), James McDermott (art director), and Jeff Loveness (writer)

The idea of this episode was conceived in October/November 2018 as a "one-up" of anthologies and clip shows. They didn't want to do a straight anthology because many other TV shows had already done that, so they tried to go more experimental and bold and basically went balls-deep with the metanarrative as a result

It was a substitute for Interdimensional Cable (which they were going to do instead but it fell through for unknown reasons)

"We had to go so far up our own ass, because if we didn't go far enough, people would be mad that we didn't."

The writers intentionally mocked themselves as much as the fans, pretty much, and it was meant to be all in good fun

The artists really enjoy designing all the weird aliens in the show, as well as getting to reuse/repurpose them when applicable. Apparently next episode (Promortyus) is going to be reusing a lot of designs for something (but they obviously can't say due to spoilers)

Compared to other episodes, "Never Ricking Morty" went pretty smoothly once it got to the art stage. That doesn't mean it was easy, but there weren't a ton of revisions they had to do

There was a joking spoiler about Rick becoming pregnant later this season. At least I think it's joking.

While writing this episode, the writers came up with a huge whiteboard list of complaints about the show, misconceptions about the show, etc. to consult for the meta jokes. Loveness later clarified that it wasn't quite about attacking "complaining" though, and it wasn't meant to be mean-spirited

The Bechdel test skit came from them realizing they hadn't done much with Beth and Summer this season, which definitely can be considered a flaw. Therefore, as part of their self-mockery, the writers decided to force them crudely into the episode as a joke, while also making fun of men who write women characters poorly and reductively.

The Jesus Christ / Rick suddenly being Christian part was written in response to the writers asking themselves "what would kill Rick and Morty as a show?"

Jeff Loveness said this in the "Inside Never Ricking Morty" video as well, but he really loved the "old man is really ripped and ready to kick your ass" trope and is partially responsible for it becoming a running gag this episode along with "cum gutters". Apparently cum gutters return in season 5 (also said jokingly, so who knows)

One of the Q&A callers called multiple times, with different phone numbers, and kept asking about potential crossovers for some reason

"A lot of people are saying that the show is fucking with their fans. Is that accurate?" "I think some of those fans deserve to be fucked with a little bit."

They point out how some fans feel entitled to the idea they should be pleased by the show all the time, and the writers feel like the show should ideally surprise the viewers in a good way, but you still may not like every episode and that's alright

At the same time, the episode wasn't meant as an attack on the fans, it was more of a "we'll do this our way, be experimental, and push the envelope of what we can do" message they were sending. Jeff Loveness promises that there's "good stuff coming up" that he thinks the fans will be happy with, presumably in late Season 4 or even Season 5

"Just because we showed it this way and you'll probably never see it this way again, that doesn't mean we're dropping these storylines completely." There you go, everyone! The ongoing story threads are still happening at some point, and the message of the episode wasn't about dropping continuity or mocking people for caring about it. Although if you were hoping for resolutions similar to what was shown in this episode (Evil Morty w/ a giant army, Tammy VS Summer with lightsabers), those scenarios are almost certainly not going to happen canonically based on this statement. Let's hope that what they do come up with is both unexpected and awesome.

The episode is intended to be non-canonical, similar to past once-a-season clip show episodes like Interdimensional Cable

Story Lord was inspired by characters like Mysterio and Q, and the writers created him late in development as a type of villain they hadn't done before. Dan Harmon also put a lot of self-mockery into the character with how much he loved narrative structure and the story circle. The character artists even initially asked if Harmon could be the design for the character but that received an immediate "no", as it was perceived as being too on-the-nose.

Jeff Loveness was surprised the Rick/Birdperson musical made it to the final episode since it seemed like the sort of thing that would be cut or lost in development. He was also surprised the Jesus thing stayed in mostly untouched

The Story Train was intended to be an actually purchasable product by the time the episode aired-- the writers were emphatically excited about that being the culmination of the joke in the writers room-- and they were surprised that it didn't go through by the time the episode aired. They guess it's due to the coronavirus pandemic interrupting merchandising plans, but they're ultimately unsure because the decision isn't discussed with them

The artists do receive some limitations on how much gore they're allowed to depict, but they can show as much blood as they want, so for the most part they can still be creative with gruesome violence (like the Tickets Please guy ripping in half in this episode)

The artists are credited for elevating most of the fight scenes in the show, sometimes with only vague script direction which they use to be very creative

In response to a viewer calling in and asking the question about whether Pickle Rick will return: "I think there's a conversation to be had about: do we want these things to return or it better to do a one-off story?" So my take on this is that not literally everything will factor into the continuity-- they put thought into what ideas have more long-running potential and they build those up. Which is kind of obvious but the question was silly anyway. (They're still ambiguous about whether or not Pickle Rick will come back, by the way)

They aren't going to do an outright Star Wars parody in Rick and Morty because other shows have already done that, but they can still parody what Star Wars represents rather than doing a "branded commercial" for it. Apparently there is a lot of that specifically coming up this season (although indirect in the way they're describing). I assume this is referring to the upcoming "Star Mort Rickturn of the Jerri" episode, so I’m curious about how they’ll reference Star Wars in that one.

The COVID-19 reference this episode was thrown in last minute, presumably with just alternative dubbing and changing the lip sync animation. They say that sometimes episodes are still being worked on up until the moment they release on television. Referring to a previous episode as an example, the character of Shadowjacker from the dragon episode was thrown in last-minute

With the exception of James McDermott, most of the staff interviewed had no control or participation over the commercial product placement work, such as the Wendy's/Pringles commercials. They don't mind them for the most part and find them funny

The writers try to avoid being too topical because the scripts take so long to turn into animation that any references will become outdated by the time it releases. Therefore, they try to be "timely" in the sense that they're writing about things that are happening in the world, but in a more abstract/thematic sense. Jeff Loveness implies that the next episode Promortyus will have a lot of that

In response to another viewer Q&A: There is no Rick and Morty movie currently planned. They wouldn't mind one, but nothing is really in development at the moment

The staff say they're excited for the next batch of episodes and seem pretty proud of their work on this season

They don't plan on making a Rick and Morty musical episode at the moment, as they feel like other shows like South Park and the Simpson have done it excellently and don't feel like they're capable of doing it better. The Rick/Birdperson bit in this episode was the most we're going to get

The code inside the broken-off throttle lever was intended to just be a bar code decal (to show it's a toy) and doesn't actually mean anything. James McDermott jokingly said it's "where the bodies are buried"

The Rick army / Evil Morty scene was huge from an animation standpoint and they almost couldn't do it due to how ambitious the shot was. They were going for a "Lords of the Rings", faux series-finale vibe, where they "give the fans what they THINK they want". Justin Roiland insisted they do it

There are definitely more big animation setpieces planned for the future

And that’s it! I’ll probably do more of these for the future episode podcasts, if anyone is still interested.

[adam-is-suffering]

Homestuck Day 11 ------ part 2

Dialogues are so long you can tell theres a big difference in length between this post and the one before it jesus christ

Anyways

Its Dave. Missed you, my guy.

Even if its been like idk, 15 pages, I still missed my homie.

Indulge him, John. This happens every single time. You always ignore his attempts at getting your attention 😔

John you literally joked about ending the world and there being a meteor named after you before you knew it was literally going to happen, so I don’t exactly expect Dave to believe you

John: Dude you don’t even believe me about my current situation and you don’t even care that Im in trouble smh fake friend

Also John: Im not actually going to talk to you about it, and I will evade every conversations with you whenever the topic finally gets discussed because Im busy, so technically you have no idea whats going on currently and I havent explained it so I just expect you to believe my one sentence of “Im getting blown up” even after joking about it ok bye

John is getting blown up and Dave is like, huh perfect time to rap about this

Which is the obvious response. What friend would you be if you didn’t do this?

Oh god oh fuck, he’s going off, he really did it, he’s really rapping about the end of the world and there’s no stopping this kid shit ah shit its the end for us oh god oh fuck

Is this what its like to be friends with a soundcloud rapper?

Dave what?

Dave, thats gay

Thats not how typos work dave, because since youre writing it still, you can.. Fix it...

Wait, is... he comparing them to Jesus?

Im not even sure this is english

Huh

Ok

Can I just say something?

Dave knows the cast of Armageddon and their roles a little too well in this rap. Because I kinda don’t remember the plot of Armageddon even having watched it, and I honestly completely forgot that Steve Buscemi was in the fucking thing in the first place, so honestly. I’m not saying Dave watched it but I want to believe he did. Either John made him, John talked about it so much to the point where Dave had to know what the hell he was talking about with the references (which also brings in the point that perhaps John talked about it so much that Dave knows the whole plot already from just that - more likely) OR he watched it ironically bc it was “bad”. But no matter the reason, I’m pretty sure after knowing John and his interests, Dave probably watched it at SOME point in time and then continued to talk about it bc he knows John likes it despite saying its for “irony”.

Aight lit, thats my hot take. Thats my headcanon. And with that, I’m out.

I stand with what I previously said.

I hope this is still part of the rap, or he’s just doing a rapping monologue. 

You know, Dave’s kind of great ngl

Dave’s not even subtle in his desire to talk with John

Also IM RIGHT, you see. Dave doesn’t even know wtf is going on because John Doesnt Fucking Talk To Him Unless Its About His Movies

No wonder hes whipped, and rapping about said movies

Soulless fucking John Im telling you

They’re really doing Dave dirty in the first acts of Homestuck, huh

Kid can’t even defend himself

Rose highjacked a car before, I’m like 100% certain of this

IM LAUGHING MY FUCKING ASS OFF

Rip the car

Another retcon. Ill figure it out one day, Hussie. I fucking will. Watch me.

Im real sus

Im starting to feel so fucking bad for Dave, this kid is just getting shitted on left and right lmfao

AHA

I was getting bored of the red, purple and blue

Johns not gonna explain one bit of it, is he?

What did I FUCKING say

Wait. Does the dog fucking TALK???????????

She’s taking this rather smoothly for someone who just said they lost their car in a bottomless pit

“I can’t talk right now, Dave, I’m busy. I can’t explain jackshit to you bc itll take too long and I already gave u the basis. Oh? Whats this? Jade? Lol here lemme give you my whole life story”

Why does everyone fucking hate Dave?

I DONT GET IT???

I get he raps, but like.. we all have that one friend doesnt mean u gotta ignore :/

Im surprised John hasnt snapped yet from all this stress, I wonder how much he’s bottling in.

Oh. Okay. Okaokaok. So Jade is one of those Im so cute personality types but actually likes heavy metal and listening to murder podcasts on the down low, isnt she?

Honestly ngl, the cute but will murder you type characters are usually the most interesting to me. 

I mean. thats just me being a slut for character tropes 😔

Jesus, John, just ask him, I’m pretty sure he’d do anything if you just said smth about it

I can’t wait for someone to respect Dave Strider and his pining smh, but honestly itll only happen with one person and that person will most likely be Jade Harley bc she doesnt see the worst in anybody and thats why Im liking her rn

Rose will call bullshit and John just doesnt give a fuck

N e ways. When are we getting dialogues that arent exclusively with John?

[quaalussy]

Dreamboy Episode 6: Jupiter’s Lifeless Moons transcript

Hi! I was looking online to see if anyone had been doing Dreamboy transcripts and I saw that there was nothing after episode five, so I’ve started on the rest, episode six first. Sorry in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes, I’m dealing with lots of run on sentences here. Anyway I hope you enjoy, more transcripts to come (I’m gonna try to do all the bonus episodes and such). Also: if you’re looking to hire a transcriptionist for your podcast or anything else please feel free to shoot me a message, I’m always looking for work 

Enjoy! If you’d rather have a pdf copy I’d be happy to send that to you too.

DANE

The dream is different this time. It starts in the dark like always, but this time I'm laying down. I’m curled up on something rough. I lift my head up. I feel like I'm moving. Oh my god, I’m inside the fish. I’m laying on its tongue. But it’s like it’s tongue is the whole bottom of the inside of the fish, and the inside of the fish is huge. It’s like the whole thing is hollow, and it has ridges like the inside of a throat. I stand up and look around. It’s daytime outside and the light is coming through the mouth and eyes like windows. I just stare at that ghostly daylight face, swaying slowly side to side as the fish swims. I have this sudden urge to look out, to look out of the mouth. So I walk to the front of the tongue. I walk right up to its giant jaws. The bones lay open just a little bit, and then they close and I feel the water come in, wash over my face, push my hair back. Outside I can see the tops of rocky spires, like underwater mountains or something, passing underneath us, and I want to see, I want to look but that means I have to lean my head out of its mouth, between its jaws. I think about it. Another intake of water blows my hair back. 

[WATER RUSHES IN]

The mouth is exactly the height of my head, and I reach out and touch the bone jaw, and then I pull my hand back and wait. Nothing. Maybe the fish doesn’t know I’m in here. I reach out and touch the jaw again, but this time I leave my hand on it. Nothing. Just the rhythm of swimming. God, it feels so sharp. I swallow, and I lean my head out over the razor edge, and I look down into the water at the rocky spires passing underneath, but they aren’t spires, they’re not mountains, they’re buildings. The tops of tall skyscrapers all fuzzy and covered in moss and algae. It’s a whole city. It’s downtown Cleveland.

[SWOOSHING NOISES]

DANE

I wake up. The bright, late morning sun is coming through the windows of the guest bedroom, and my hand immediately goes to my dick, but it’s soft.

[SOFT MUSIC]

DANE

I get up and put on my wrinkled red shirt and slog my way to the zoo for work. On my way I text Luke, just a simple “hey, WYD”, but he doesn’t answer. He never responded to my goodnight text last night, either. Like, maybe he’s mad? About the cakes? I don’t know. I almost walk into traffic because I'm staring at the message thread. I stop at Settler’s Coffee, and I text him again. I say “I had another fish dream, they’re getting weirder.” I watch my phone intently as I cream and sugar my coffee. I use the simple syrup even though it’s hot coffee, just to have a hand free for my phone. But nothing. I get to work. Maybe he’s still asleep. He is pretty nocturnal. Work is stupid, we’re understaffed so I spend six and a half hours straight at the roller coaster podium. I stop saying that whole de-briefing room line about three hours in, and I text Luke a few more times, but he still doesn’t answer. And then I run out of things to text without feeling like a crazy creep. Now it’s a half an hour before close and I'm only just now getting a lunch break because Tammy Jammers, who usually watches the ride while I’m out on break, called out sick today. She said she had food poisoning, but I know she’s just hungover. Her last Instagram post was at three A.M. last night, and it was a picture, taken with a flash, of Taco Bell that she put on a plate. I go out to the main drag to get food like I always do, but the only food place still open is the hot dog stand, and I just can’t with those. They’re like the same temperature and texture as a human body so they make your mouth feel like it’s kissing someone you don’t like. Hot dog? Lukewarm dog more like. A breeze blows. [sighs] It’s getting colder, so I go back inside into the hall of history which is just this longstupid hallway

[OPERA ARIA IN BACKGROUND]

in the same building as the roller coaster. I have to walk through it every day when I go on lunchbreak, but I never actually stop because I only get thirty minutes for lunch break, and it takes twenty minutes just to get through the fucking food line, so I have to run through there, and it’s just like dusty plaques and old maps and stuff. There’s like a few old exhibits that don’t work. It’s, like, where grandparents go to hang out on hot days. Which you would think meant that they had more places to sit down, but.... I look down at my phone again. Nothing. There’s also this weird music playing, and it’s skipping like…. I look up and see a wall with the words “who's who” painted really big on the top of it, and underneath there’s like a bunch of buttons with flaps. I run my finger around one of the buttons and just like accidently the button pushes in and this voice recording starts to play. It’s Kritch! 

ELI KRITCH

You love grapes and naps. Before your life here at the Pepper Heights Zoo, you were an animal pioneer for NASA and actually went into space! After that, you spent many years at an interstate sideshow in the Florida Panhandle doing a high society routine. To this day you still listen to opera to fall asleep. Which Pepper Heights animal friend are you?

DANE

The recording ends. I lift up the flap. It says “you are the chimpanzee, Madam Beauregard.” Great. That’s creepy. I look back down at my phone. Still nothing. It’s not that I like... it’s not that I like need to talk to him or anything, it’s just that, like, it’s just the not knowing is fucking awful. Like, just text me back! How hard is it to text somebody back? I look back at the wall. There’s an arrow pointing to a smaller button next to Madam Beauregard’s name, and it says “push button to hear your favorite aria”, but the music is stuck in which totally explains the skipping music. Jesus Christ, it’s probably an actual CD player behind this fucking wall with this place. I look at my phone. Fucking nothing. Earlier in the day, right after I asked if he was mad, I saw the little dots

VOICES [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE

You know, the little dots that mean somebody’s typing back. And I… I watched them, and then they disappeared and they never started again.

VOICES [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE

And ever since then my head has just been full of all the little voices that say all the little things.. 

VOICES [sung] Where is Luke? 

Ughhh Jesus fuck, now they have music. That’s great.

VOICES [sung[

Where is Luke?

DANE

 Yeah I don’t really care where he’s at. And why are there so many buttons in this exhibit? Like, there’s no way there’s this many animals that still live here. Like, most of the exhibits are shut down, these animals are probably dead. 

VOICES [sung]

Losers

DANE

And the seven that are here are like not the kind of animals you want to push a button and hear about, right? 

VOICES [sung]

Losers 

DANE They’re like, retired circus freaks and movie animals that can’t work anymore. 

VOICES [sung]

Losers, losers, losers

DANE

It’s like this whole place just attracts washed up showbiz animals. 

VOICES 

Just like you!

DANE

[sighs] Yeah thanks I connected that. I look down at my phone. Again. Nothing. Again. I don’t even know why I keep checking. I mean, I turn my vibration notifications on so I wouldn’t have to check but I still check. So I open up instagram to see if he’s posting there, but he’s not. It’s just the picture that he posted late last night. The one of the blue hand on his neck that we took in front of the tunnel. It’s already got like three thousand likes, Jesus Christ. I check my texts again. Why am I checking it, I'm holding it. So I open up Grindr. I check his profile. He’s not on. It says he hasn’t been on in hours. So I open up my texts again and I just look at it, I just LOOK. UGHH why won’t he text?!

VOICES

Cause he’d rather spend time with strange old men than talk to me.

DANE

It’s like they practice in there while I’m sleeping, Jesus. I look back up from my phone. Now I’m in front of some sort of ice age diorama, like, why? There’s a caveman standing over a wolf that he’s just killed, and there’s blood everywhere. And behind that, really small in a cave, there’s a woman and a child, waiting for him all terrified. But right next to the cave in the dark where you can’t see is another wolf, and nobody sees it. And then another face appears in the glass. I turn around. It’s Kritch. Or, like, Kritch’s face, on a TV, in an exhibit on the opposite wall. I walk over. He’s younger. It’s weird seeing young Kritch, I mean it’s like still my boss but, you know, smoother. It’s some sort of like special news piece from like twenty years ago. 

KRITCH

Oh I certainly think the people over at Stonefall Labs can appreciate what we are doing over here. And for the record I do not believe that they are covering up any discoveries of alien life. That’s quite frankly preposterous. I can assure you they were in fact only only doing a geological survey of the moons of Jupiter, on contract from NASA, like they say. I just think they came up at the end of that, did more to make a big deal of it, we all have swings and misses sometimes, but I thought I’d take my own swing. 

DANE 

Boy, his smile hasn’t changed, that’s for sure. The video ends and there’s a black screen with a logo that says “The Zenarc Corporation”. I see my face in the screen. 

[SWOOSHING NOISES/MUSIC]

DANE

It’s taken me a couple weeks of working here to piece it all together, but I do sort of know a little bit about what Kritch’s talking about in this video. See, in the late fifties the Stonefalls built this private research and development site called Stonefall Labs on the other side of the woods from the zoo. All sorts of things were developed there over the years, everything from, like, ketchup recipes and zip-ties to lots of darker things I’m sure we don’t know about. Like they famously patented the first answering machine, for example. It was as big as a room. It got sabotaged by this secret group of secretaries, though. Which is a cool story, but later. Anyway, because of some sort of technology that they had patented, they got a contract from NASA in the eighties to survey Jupiter’s moons to look for the possible presence of a specific isotope of helium called helium two. Now, scientists thought helium two was going to be like the rocket fuel of the future, it was going to revolutionize space exploration they thought. And this was all public knowledge there was even a little article in the paper, but nobody really cared. However, Stonefall labs found nothing. Zip. And at first they just said that there was problems with their equipment, but then weeks went by and then months and they said nothing. And they stayed quiet for so long that it started to attract attention, and people started to say maybe they in fact had found something a lot more interesting than helium deposits on the moons of Jupiter. Which, of course, that blew up like a house fire and pretty soon there was this huge conspiracy theory and speculation and a media frenzy. But at the same time while that was all going on, the young Elias Kritch had just taken over the helm of the Pepper Heights Zoo from his late father, Eddie. Despite the fact that another Kritch in charge of the zoo was like the last thing the Stonefalls wanted. But Eli was intent on leaving his mark, and he vowed to turn the zoo into a profitable enterprise, rather than just another suckling on the Stonefall money teet. So he said “I have an idea, how about a full on theatrical roller coaster experience called Jupiter’s Lifeless Moons”. The whole story inspired by the controversy. It was supposed to be this stepping stone into becoming a real amusement park, but he never made the money back. Like not even close. He put the zoo into permanent debt. The Stonefalls never let him live it down. And it only took a couple of years before the entire context was completely buried anyway. Pretty soon, nobody remembered anything at all about the Stonefall Lab’s Jovian lunar survey scandal, you know. But the ride stayed and here it is after all these years. The video starts to replay, Kritch starts talking again, and I start to walk away but I notice something I didn't see before: a rough disk with a hole in it hanging from a string around young Kritch’s neck. A disk with a hole in the middle… John Stonefall. What the…. I check my phone. 

VOICES [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE

Still nothing. 

VOICES [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE

Why can’t he just text back? 

VOICES [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE

Whatever. 

LADY 1 [sung]

And could he really actually like me?

DANE

Yeah, probably not.

LADY 1 [sung]

Maybe I fucked it all up again

DANE

Probably.

LADY 1 [sung]

Maybe I’ll never know again

DANE

Whoa, that seems a little melodramatic

LADY 1 [sung]

Why do I even care?

DANE

You know, I don’t even care

LADY 1 [sung]

Do I even care?

DANE

 No. I don’t think I even care.

LADY 2 [sung]

This is textbook patriarchal communication

 MAN 1 [sung]

Maybe he’s not answering for a reason

DANE

I.. I know he’s mad at me for eating his cakes.

VOICES

Guilt!

DANE

Which, I did eat his cakes. 

VOICES 

Guilt!

DANE And lie to him 

VOICES

Guilt! Guilt!

DANE

Ughhhhh 

DANE [sung] Why do I feel guilty?

VOICES [sung]

Resentment

DANE [sung] I mean it’s not that big of a deal, Cora’s just a crazy lady.

VOICES [sung] Resentment

DANE [sung]

And the cakes were sent to the wrong house

LADY 2 [sung] I don’t know if that is true

DANE [sung] Why do I care? I don’t even like him at all

VOICES [sung] Where is Luke? 

DANE Wanna know where he’s at? I’ll tell you where he’s at.

DANE [sung]

He’s off somewhere being young and stupid

HIGH VOICES [sung]

Haul him off, haul him off, haul him off!

DANE [sung]

He’s off somewhere not knowing what he wants

VOICES [sung] We just met

DANE 

Yeah, we just met.

VOICES [sung]

We just met!

DANE [sung] He’s too laid back

LOW VOICES [sung] Too laid back

HIGH VOICES [sung]

Sleeps on the floor of an empty house

DANE [sung] I wish I could sleep on the floor in an empty house…. But I can’t!

DANE

Cause I have real responsibilities

DANE [sung]

Like he doesn’t do anything

HIGH VOICES [sung]

Do anything

DANE [sung]

Maybe he does and I just haven’t asked

VOICES [sung] Do anything, I didn’t do anything

DANE [sung] Maybe I’m the one

VOICES [sung] NOPE

DANE

Being a total dick

VOICES [sung] NOPE DANE Maybe I’m being a dick

VOICES [sung] I didn’t do anything 

VOICE 1 [sung]

He’s just a narcissistic twink!

DANE Yeah 

VOICE 1 [sung]

He’s just a narcissistic twink! DANE

Yeah

VOICES [sung]

A narcisistic, masochistic, fetishistic, sorta cryptic, dirty little selfish fucking twink! Who would rather be hit by strange old men than talk to me.

DANE Yeah, but I don’t care.

VOICES [sung] I don’t care! 

DANE

I gotta get outta here. Where are the doors, where are the doors, I just need some air. I fall through the double doors, out onto the main drag. Oh, god….The air is cool, but it feels good. There’s, like, silence for a minute. At least in my head. I hear an age-guesser guessing his last customer somewhere.

[AGE GUESSER SPEAKING IN BACKGROUND]

DANE A smattering of laughing through the trees. 

[LAUGHTER]

DANE

And I reach for my phone out of like instinct.

VOICE 1 [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE

But then I stop myself because this is stupid

VOICE 1 [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE

Like it's annoying that...

VOICE 1 [sung]

Where is Luke? DANE Like there’s some, some sort of..

VOICE 1 [sung]

Where is Luke? DANE

My body seems to have a question. Like a body question.

VOICE 1 [sung]

Where is Luke?

DANE 

That it keeps asking.

VOICE 1 [sung]

Where…

DANE

My phone vibrates in my pocket! I pull it out. It’s a Grindr message. I open up the app. Oh, he’s cute. His message just says “hey”. It also says he’s only 200 feet away. I look up and look around. I don’t see anyone who looks like him. I look back at his profile. He’s playfully flexing his arm in his photo and making a goofy face, standing shirtless and soaking wet next to a pool in someone’s backyard somewhere, and his dark hair looks darker because it’s wet, and his underarm hair is pasted to his body in little black flames. His headline says Alex. I look at the time. I have twenty minutes. [sighs] Fuck it. “Hey”, I say. “What’s up”, he says. “On break”, I say. “Me too”, he says. “You work at the zoo?” “No, Stonefall Labs. I came to get a hot dog”. Wow, yuck, really? But I couldn't pass up the opportunity for a bad joke so I said “ah, you like weiners, huh”. Coy emoji.”LOL, yep”, he says. Then, “do you?”, and immediately he sends a picture of his dick. Whoa. Fuck, it’s huge. It’s thicker in the middle and curves really dramatically, and it’s so hard in the picture that it looks like a dead thing that’s swollen up on the side of a path. “Wow” I say, “I’d love to put that in my mouth some time.” Coy face. “You should”, he says, “how about now?” “Where”, I say. “Men’s bathroom by the Dippin’ Dots. No one’s ever in there. I’m by there now.” Fuck, my heart is racing. The zoo closes in half an hour, and there’s like nobody here, and he’s right, that bathroom is so out of the way that nobody uses it hardly. Even the Dippin’ Dots guy won’t be there cause he’s watching the rollercoaster for me right now. I look down at his message again. Then at the clock. Seventeen minutes left. My heart is getting quicker. [sighs] ”Okay”, I say “I’ll come now”. “I’ll be waiting inside”, he says. Okay. A few seconds later I’m cutting across the main thoroughfare. Walking quickly. The breeze is cool on my face. The stands are mostly all closed and the rides are shutting down. The few people that are out are all workers, all walking the same direction to the front gate. Their faces lit from underneath by their own phones. I come around the corner by the closed up Dippin’ Dots stand, and I stop. There it is. The squat, gray bathroom building with that rusty water fountain on the side that hasn’t worked for so long that an out of order sign is no longer required. I see the door of the men’s bathroom. It’s closed, but there’s an edge of seering white light all around the heavy metal door. Okay, okay okay okay okay. I walk up to it. I look around. Nobody. The whole building seems to have a low hum. I take a breath, and I open the door. There’s a loud metal creak as the door opens. 

[CREAK]

DANE And the door catches on the concrete floor and doesn’t shut all the way. I kick it a couple times until it does. 

[DOOR SHUTS]

DANE

The metal bangs ring and echo off the tile. Then I round a tiled wall into the bright restroom, and I see him, standing at the far left urinal, his back to me. He doesn’t look back or move, the cold white lights buzzing and flickering all around. I check the stall on the other side of the little room. It’s empty. It’s door off one of its hinges and hanging there like an open jaw. I walk up slowly to the far right urinal, side eyeing the guy. I keep a urinal between us. I get there and I start to undo my pants. The light directly above the urinals is buzzing, loud. I glance over at him, but he doesn’t look back at me or anything. He doesn’t talk or move or acknowledge me at all. Like, what the fuck? I mean it’s definitely him, and he’s standing away from the urinal so that I can see his dick but he’s just peeing. I look back at the wall, and then I look back over at him. He is handsome, though. He’s a few inches taller than me and muscular, in baggy Carhartt pants and a large dirty gray t-shirt. There’s paint on his elbows and grease on his arms. I look back straight ahead. Okay, now what? I start to panic. I try to pee, but I really don’t have to go. One more time, I look over. He’s done now, shaking his dick. God, even soft it’s big. But he’s still ignoring me. He’s still shaking it, like, way longer than he should. Okay, it starts to get bigger as he swings it around. And then he starts pulling on it, and I'm just standing there watching him out of the side of my eye, holding my own dick in my hand. God, it’s getting bigger and bigger and less floppy, and slowly his pulling turns into gripping and stroking, and it gets thicker and tighter until after about a minute it’s as thick as I saw in the pic earlier. God, it looks angry, and I'm watching his hand run the length of it back and forth, trying not to look like I'm looking, lost in the rhythm, when I hear it- a voice coming from everywhere at once. I look up at the side of his face, straight at it. The lights above flicker a little. It had to be his voice, but he’s still not looking at me. He’s just watching his hand move over his own dick. But as I'm looking at the side of his face I see his lips move, and I hear his voice again. 

ALEX Come here. Get on your knees. 

DANE I take a breath, I turn, and I walk up next to him. I can smell his cologne, and I kneel down in front of the urinals. The floor is hard and a little wet on my knees, and I try not to think about why. He turns, swinging his dick toward my face, and finally his eyes look down into mine. The light is buzzing and pulsing above him, his body’s like a silhouette, and then he reaches down and puts his fingers in my mouth. They smell like solvents and metal, and he feels around like he lost something in my teeth. And it doesn’t seem like this would be hot but, god, something about it really is. And then he opens my mouth wider with his fingers and takes them out and traces the wetness of my spit up my face, and then grabs my hair and slowly puts his dick in. Past my lips, and then past my tongue, gentle but also steady. I feel it hit the back of my throat and stop. He grabs my hair harder and looks down at my eyes. I don’t know how, but I sort of nod with my face and eyes and make a sort of “uh-huh” sound, and he smiles and puts more pressure in his thrust. And I feel my throat iris out like a dark, wet camera. And he slides all the way down, until my face is against his body. He just holds me against him, and he breathes. I feel the entire inside of my throat and head stretched over his dick. I feel it reaching down into my chest. I feel like a butterfly on a pin. His smell fills my nose. It’s a thick, sweaty smell- the smell of baseball and locker rooms and the back of the bus. He just looks down at me, and I look up at him, and the light buzzes. 

[BATHROOM DOOR OPENS]

DANE

The metal bathroom door. He takes his dick out of my throat.

[DANE GAGS AND COUGHS]

DANE It almost makes me puke. I scramble to my feet and quickly get to the urinal. He turns and does the same. We both just stare at the wall in front of us, become strangers again. I hear someone round the tile wall behind us. I hear Alex zipping up his pants and flushing, quick. I do the same. I wipe the water from my eyes and I go to leave, but as I turn, I see the person who entered. It’s the Dippin’ Dots guy, Trey. 

DANE [to TREY] Oh, hey man. Wait, you’re not still watching the ride...

TREY [laughs] Nah. I guess some little girl dropped her teddy bear on the track, so I closed it up early, but I left her number on the control console. 

DANE

But you didn’t go get it?

TREY

Fuck no. I'm not climbing all those jank-ass ladders. 

DANE [to listener] Alex brushes past Trey and heads out of the bathroom. Trey doesn’t even look at him. It’s funny what straight boys just can’t see in bathrooms. I watch Trey disappear into the slack jaw of the stall without even trying to close the door, and then I hear him start to pee. 

[PEEING NOISES]

TREY

Later, dude!

DANE I get back to the roller coaster, it takes like twenty seconds. I go into the side door 

[DOOR OPENING]

The door shuts behind me. 

[DOOR SHUTTING]

And I take a breath. That was fucking intense. It all feels like it didn’t happen, but it just happened like a minute ago. I can still smell the dude on my face. Whoa [sighs]. All the colored lights and space music are gone, and the big overhead lights are on, but I know Trey’s dumb ass didn’t do any of the other closing duties. I walk up to my podium and I see the ride is switched into its standby mode, which means that both cars are nestled into the shuttle bay, and the power is off to the ride. In order to turn it all back on again, you need to put a special key in and turn the red lever, then you hear a big “kerchunk”, and the whole building sorta comes alive and the lights change and the music starts, but now it just looks like bad props and old paint in a bright warehouse, which is what it is. There’s the note Trey was talking about, though. It just says “little girl lost teddy on ride” and then a phone number. There’s not even a name. The keys are next to the note. I take them both and put them in my pocket. 

[KEYS JANGLING, POCKET RUSTLING]

DANE I finish the rest of the closing duties: sweep and mop the floors, wipe the glass on the doors, wipe the coaster cars down, and when everything’s done, I go through the utility door into the underbelly of the ride to look for the damn teddy bear. Under the ride there are work lights, these bare bulbs hanging from scaffolding, but they definitely don’t work, so I pull out my phone and turn on the flashlight. It smells like laser tag. You know, that... that special effects smoke that they use. Half the time when people drop something we find it in “The Net”, and we’re supposed to check “The Net” once a week but people never check it. Also, the net is so old that it has rips and tears and whole sections that have fallen down. It’s like the web of a giant spider that got bored and said “fuck it” and crawled away years ago. So, often things end up on the dusty floor, twenty or thirty feet below. I walk to a place where I can look up through the skeleton of the rollercoaster into the net by the big turn. That’s usually where people drop things, the big turn. No teddy bear. I point my phone light down onto the concrete floor below it. Nothing. Anything new down in this dusty world is immediately visible for its lack of gray dust fuzz. If it has color, it’s new. But I only see an endless field of small, linty shapes. Look, there’s one last place that things occasionally do end up. The moon platform. See, in the middle of the ride there’s this platform where the coaster stops, like full on stops, and this video plays. It’s supposed to be the surface of the moon that you land on, and it’s where you meet the alien that makes the name of the ride ironic, I guess. I’ve never actually ridden the ride so I don’t know, but, like, a rollercoaster with a video in the middle sounds like an awful idea. I’m standing at the base of the ladder to the platform, looking up. I give it a shake. 

[LADDER RATTLING]

It’s so loose that it wobbles and buckles all the way up, moaning and creaking. I hear a screw fall somewhere in the dark.

[SCREW FALLS]

DANE

[sighs] I take a breath and start to climb. 

[LADDER RATTLING]

DANE

I feel the swaying pull of my weight on the scaffolding. Jesus. More creaking. I just climb faster and faster, I just try not to look. Finally I get up to the top of the platform and pull myself up and dust myself off. 

[DUSTING OFF]

DANE

I stand up and look around. The platform is decorated to look like the rocky surface of a moon. Foam rocks, gray paint, that kinda thing. Still no sign of a teddy bear, though. I start to look behind the foam rocks. Maybe it got thrown. But then I hear a sound, a huge “kerchunk”. The work lights go off, the colored lights come on, and space music starts. The building groans, and something huge and metal begins to slither below me. Fuck, someone’s turned on the ride! I scramble to find the ladder in the dark, but I can’t, and I hear the coaster rumbling in the walls, it’s getting closer. Fuck! I don’t know what happens if I’m up here when the coaster comes, so I try to find the ladder again, but one foot slips off the edge of the platform. Holy fuck, I like almost fall. Jesus it woulda killed me, it’s like thirty feet straight down. The roar’s getting louder and louder and louder, I pull my leg back and I scoot behind a foam rock just as the coaster rounds the corner.

[COASTER WHOOSHING]

DANE There’s a person in it. The coaster slows and stops, locks into place. The screen lights up and the video begins, and in the light of the video I see that the person is Kritch, sitting in the middle front seat of the coaster, watching the screen, his arms in front of him on the lap bar. The moonscape continues in the video, making it look like the surface of the moon goes on for miles, and then there’s like eery moon music playing. Well, then a green alien emerges from behind a rock in the video, and it gets closer to us cautiously, and then it starts to speak. 

ALIEN IN VIDEO Greetings, earthlings aboard Shuttle 5. I’m a representative for the race of beings that has inhabited Moon 34 of the planet you call Jupiter for millions of years. Your civilization has remained unaware of our existence until this moment. We mean you no harm. We have no weapons, our technology is meager, but we know why you’ve come. The resource you seek is plentiful here, but its retrieval would destroy our home and lead to our certain demise, as we depend upon it for sustenance. We will restore your communications momentarily. However, we beg of you, do not disclose our existence to your superiors upon your return. You must report no helium two on Moon 34, the future of our species rests in your hands, earthlings of Shuttle 5. Good fortune and tidings to you.

DANE The video ends and the coaster comes unlocked and starts again.

[COASTER STARTING, ROLLING]

DANE

Kritch faces front, and I see him wipe his eyes. I must have stood up during the alien’s speech. I crouch back down and hide again quickly. Fuck, I hope he didn’t see me. I listen to the coaster disappear down another hill as the onboard computer says “malfunction, malfunction, returning to Jupiter base [unintelligible]. The roar fades. [sighs] I breathe out. Then I get up and start feeling around for the ladder. A few minutes later, I fall through the utility door back into the launch room, almost coughing from the fake smoke. What the fuck was Kritch doing riding a kid’s ride all by himself in the middle of the fucking night? [sighs] What a weirdo. I hear the coaster make the last of the big turns. I just wanna get out of here, so I slip out quickly  the way that the kids come out, through the debriefing room. The debriefing room is just a room with two big light-up buttons under a sign that says “MISSION REPORT”. I stop. The buttons… The buttons. I’ve never really understood them before now. There’s a red one and a green one, and the red button says “no helium present on moon” and the green button says “helium present on moon”, but it’s the green button that’s worn so much that it’s barely legible. I get closer. The glow of green gets brighter on my face. I don’t understand, the kids rat out the alien? That’s fucked up. I reach out and touch the green button. It’s rough from years of well-behaved, terrified children. But then, and I don't know why really, I reach over and press the red button. It blinks three times. 

KRITCH

Good choice.

DANE [to listener]

It’s Kritch. I didn’t hear him slip in. 

DANE [to Kritch]

Oh, um, I was... I was just uh leaving.

KRITCH It’s okay.

DANE [to listener]

He walks up beside me and looks at the buttons.

KRITCH

It is curious.

DANE [to Kritch]

What’s curious?

KRITCH Well, I didn’t expect it either but it’s true. All the kids push the green button.

DANE [to listener]

He’s not looking at me. He’s staring at the green button, his fingers running over that same rough patch. 

KRITCH They tell the truth because they know they’re supposed to or they will get in trouble. But the grown-ups? They choose red. 

DANE [to listener]

He looks over at the red button. His hand drops and his smile flattens.

KRITCH Because they know the truth about trouble.

DANE [to Kritch]

What’s the truth about trouble?

DANE [to listener]

He turns towards me. I can see that his eyes are still wet, and his suit is, like, way too shiny, and it’s reflecting the red and green lights. He takes a step towards me. 

KRITCH That you’re always in trouble. 

DANE [to listener] And then leans down until his face is like right over mine.

KRITCH And sometimes a little lie can really help with how much.

DANE [to listener]

The zoo is deserted. It’s after close now. All the lights on all the rides are out. Kritch said he would close up the ride and that I could go, so I started to head for the gate. I haven’t checked my phone in a while, but just as I'm reaching for it I hear something. 

[ANIMAL CRYING]

DANE

A crying sound. Zoe. I stop. Something is different about the sound this time.

[ANIMAL CRYING]

DANE

I turn around and walk slowly along the side of the huge building that houses both the rollercoaster and Zoe’s enclosure. The sound usually sounds like it’s far away, like in a cave, but this time it sounds very close. I round the corner and there she is, only like fifteen feet from me, in a small cement stall with an iron gate around it standing over a drain. She yelps when she sees me.

[ZOE YELPS]

DANE I scream a little bit and turn to run around the corner, and boom! I almost run into someone.

DANE [to person]

Oh I'm sorry I… 

DANE [to listener]

it’s Jennifer. 

JENNIFER Did you miss me?

DANE [to Jennifer]

Fuck. I should have known I'd see you. Wherever there’s shadows and secrets there you are a sneakin’.

JENNIFER Look who’s talking. You’re the sneak tonight. Sneak.

DANE [to Jennifer] What are you even doing here?

JENNIFER What are you even doing here?

DANE [to Jennifer] I’m at my job. It’s a thing grown-ups do.

JENNIFER Pssh. Grown-up? Nice shirt. I’m here for the rally, stupid.

DANE [to listener]

She holds up a flier to my face, like a brat. I recognize it from Emily’s porch yesterday. It says “save Zoe rally at the zoo”. Fuck, that’s today? I don’t even know the date. I look back down at her stupid face. 

DANE [to Jennifer]

You know what? You oughta go back and say hi to your little friend Zoe, stick your face through that gate and see if she’ll kiss ya’. 

DANE [to listener]

Jennifer looks at me with almost pity, and then she starts laughing. 

JENNIFER [laughing]

DANE [to Jennifer]

What’s so funny?

JENNIFER

[laughing] Oh, Zoe can’t hurt me. 

DANE [to Jennifer]

Why not?

DANE [to listener]

She steps closer to me. She’s holding a piece of cardboard with “SAVE ZOE” written on it. 

JENNIFER Because Zoe the zebra is dead. 

[THEME MUSIC]

ELLIE HAYMEN Dreamboy is co-created by Dane Terry and Ellie Haymen. Developed and directed by Ellie Haymen. Written, composed, and performed by Dane Terry, featuring Cecil Baldwin, Avery Draut, Michael St. Peter, Jake Sellers and Chris Weingarten. Sound Designed, Engineered, Mixed and Mastered by Christopher Weingarten at Bananappeal Studio. Edited by Alexander Charles Adams. Creative Producer and Assistant Director: Ashlin Hatch. Associate producer: Adam Cecil. Executive Producer: Christy Gressman. A very special thanks to Night Vale Presents. You can find us on Twitter and Instagram @dreamboypodcast. For more info and for merch check out dreamboypodcast.com. 

[ayyoitsalex]

Chapter 10 - My Time To Shine

From the time I was seventeen I've been responsible for the meals prepared at the biggest holiday of them all; Thanksgiving. It's taken over as my personal favorite because I get to spend the day doing what I love, and what I do best. When it comes to me cooking for thanksgiving, my family has learned a few things. I know what I'm doing, don't distract me, and don't change my music. We got the week off from school, so I stayed up at my parent's house to get prepped for the upcoming event. Everyone was curious as to what kind of stops I was pulling out this year, but as always I wasn't saying. I'd come up with some new ideas I wanted to try out, and this was as good a time as any. When my siblings moved out I had my choice of which room I wanted to call my own. I picked Selena's room since it came with the best sunset views, and got the best night time breezes. When I got to be around sixteen I made the decision to paint the walls from the dark purple to a red. I hoped Selena wouldn't be too upset at what I'd done to her room. When I moved out, our parents kept the room relatively the same, but now there's not a bunch of clothes on the floor like I'm used to seeing it. I woke up early Tuesday with the task of doing the shopping on my mind. I called up my siblings to see which one of them could accompany me. Only Natalie was available, so I waited for her to come and pick me up.  Natalie unlocked the door and let herself in with baby Lexi in her arms. Before I could get up for a hug, she forced Lexi into my arms. "GOTTA PEE!" She screamed running to the bathroom. Lexi smiled at me as I held her close. "Your mommys so crazy Lexi. Did you know that?" "Yeah." She said laughing. Lexi can answer yes or no questions, but to whether or not she knows what it means remains to be seen. Natalie emerged from the bathroom looking relieved as ever. "Okay we ready?" She asked. "Yeah." Lexi said again putting her hands up. "Aha I guess that's a yes, let's get going!" I put Lexi in her carseat behind me. Natalie plugged in her phone and turned on the car. As the engine started the radio turned on. What came on wasn't music, but was some very intense whispering that sounded like it could be right in your ears. I gave Natalie a confused look before she practically slammed her hand into the off button. She fumbled around with her phone to put on actual music. "Um..what the fuck was that?" Natalie's face was turnning red. "Just some..patreon audio.." "What who's voice is that even?" "Dude it's so crazy it's this chick that does anime voices, but y'know makes them say bad things.." "Oh my god Natalie you're a freak haha." I palmed my face laughing hysterically. "Shut up! We all have our little things. This one just happens to be mine." "So..it's like audio porn?" "NO ABSOLUTELY NOT." She smacked the back of my head. "You little shit head.." "Ow!" "I am still your big sister y'know! Need to show me my respect!" We continued our drive to the store. When we got there  Natalie just followed behind as I pulled items into the basket. I was on a mission to get everything i needed. I didn't look back a few times, and at times lost Natalie through the crowd. "Elizabeth! Slow down a little!" When we finished checking out we went back home to put them all into the fridge. "Jesus how big is this turkey?" "Fifteen pounds." I answered looking through the vegetables, and looking through my checklist. "Can I just say I'm so glad you're good at cooking?" She hugged me. "Aha you could stand to mention it more often." The front door unlocked by Selena with her kids and Sam. "Helllo?" Selena called out for anyone home. "We're in here!" I answered. The kids rushed into the living room diving onto the couches. "Excuse me boys!" I stood there hands on my hips. Cole and AJ looked at one another before making their way towards me. I leaned down. "Hi aunt Liz." They said together hugging me, and kissing my cheeks on each side. "Love you guys." I smiled mussing up their hair as they walked back. "Well hey sister, excited for thanksgiving?" I turned to Selena. "Always! Gotta break out my fancy maternity pants so I won't lose a button." "Oh my god haha." I started taking out bowls to do as much prep work as I could before hand to make my life easier. That meant dicing up my mire poix, dry brining my turkey, making my compound butter, and cutting up bread for stuffing. My sisters both gathered around like I was doing magic, when I was just peeling vegetables. They continued looking on amazed as I chopped vegetables so easily and at times without looking. It might be stupid but it really does make me feel special. It's not that my sisters are bad cooks, I think it's just the fact that I'm going to school for cooking they think I have some more efficient way of doing simple things. Which I totally do.   "Lizzy are you sure you don't need any help?" Selena looked at me worried. I put down my knife and shook the aches out of my hand. "Yeah yeah I got it. You know me, I like doing it all." "Mm well if you say so. We can help too.." "I know I know, and I will need some help in the next couple days and maybe using you guys' ovens." "Jesus Liz what's all being made?" "Top secret!" Both Selena and Natalie rolled their eyes while I rubbed my hands together smiling devilishly. "Though if you really are set on helping these are some recipes you guys can do, and I made them as easy as possible." "Are you calling us stupid?! I HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE ELIZABETH!" Selena said faking getting mad. I rolled my eyes and went back to my cutting board. -Thursday- It's the big day and everything needs to go as planned or else I might kill somebody. I'm usually more go with the flow and easy going, but when it comes to cooking there is only one way to do things and it's my way. I was up around 5 am to start slow cooking some of the bigger proteins like the turkey and beef wellington I prepped the night before. Before putting the turkey into the oven I massaged the smoked garlic compoud butter underneath the skin. It's not the nicet feeling thing to do, but it makes a whole hell of a lot of difference down the line. I was still a bit sleepy, so I turned on the tv to wake me up a little. I flipped through the literal hundred of channels trying to find anything, but nothing was on. I turned on my newest favorite podcast and listened to "dead meat with James and Chelsea". I'm the only one of my family who is a huge horror movie buff. The only person I can get to go with me is Nathan, but he's not a addict like I am. Mom came down about an hour and a half after I did. "The only day I can expect you up this early." Mom laughed. "Well what can I say I love you all that much." I flashed a big smile to her. "Mm well happy thanksgiving my little head chef." She kissed the top of my head before going to get a cup of coffee. Nathan dropped by first around eight, and like the caring brother he is, he brought me breakfast. "Special delivery." He smirked handing me a bag of donuts. "Thanks brother!" I stuffed one in my mouth while giving him a hug. "Dinners gonna be ready about 4!" "Alright I'll have the girls all dressed and ready to see what you've come up with this year." "ITS FINNA BE LIT!" I smiled jumping up and down. "Right right..lit." Nathan not the one for today's slang terms. "Soph is making pies by the way!" Nathan said walking out the door. "Oh sweet! I knew I could trust one of you." -11 am- I was starting to get a little tired, but it wasn't anything I wasn't used to. I opened the fridge for the perfect remedy of an energy drink. I'd changed from my morning pajamas to a pair of jeans and my chef's coat to really feel the part. "Just like your father." Aunt Camryn said from behind me. I practically spit all over the fridge. "JESUS CHRIST." I put my hand over my chest. "I didn't hear anyone come in! My hearts like racing now." "Mm well thats from your lil energy nonsense. Drink coffee like an adult." "HUMPH. No coffees gross." "Peasant." Aunt Camryn muttered sipping her coffee. I turned my attention to the stove where I had potatoes, pasta, and stuffing working. Aunt Camryn peeked over my shoulder to see what I was working with, but I shielded her off. "No peeking!"  I practically shrieked as aunt Camryn took a step back. "Good lord Elizabeth you're not re-inventing the wheel here." "This is the one time I get to show out and I want to surprise. So please shoo." I even gave her a little hand wave motion.  Aunt Camryn looked like she was about to smack the life out of me. Mom walked in probably saving my face. "Nicole! She just told me to shoo!" She couldn't believe my audacity. "Haha c'mon Camryn leave Elizabeth to do her thing. You good here sweetie?" "Yeah I got it mom." She winked at me before guiding aunt Camryn into the other room. Selena walked in carrying trays of appetizers to appease guests while I finished cooking. "Well how's it coming along baby chef?" Selena smiled giving me a hug. "Everythings on schedule for 4 pm dinner." "Awesome, well I brought something special for you sincey you're being so great." She rummaged through the bags and pulled out a bowl of macaroni and cheese. It's my ultimate comfort food, and Selena would always make it for me when she would babysit. "YESS!" I ripped off the saran wrap and dug right in. I forgot I even had a hunger need until the first bite hit. "See not the only one who can cook. I also made more for dinner later for an extra side." "See you're helping!" I said like I was talking to one of her boys.   "Funny." Selena looked at me arms crossed. I got up and gave her another hug and kiss as a thank you. Although I didn't wipe my mouth enough so Selena had bits of cheese on her. "*sigh I expect things like this from my kids, not my adult sister." She pulled out wipes for her face.   "Oh! I have stuffing in that tray that needs to be finished off, can you do it in your oven please?" "Yeah sure, anything else?" I took a minute to run through the list in my head. "There's a tray of biscuits that need to be baked there. They're all portioned out, just put them in at 375, and brush the butter on top when they're done." "YES CHEF!" Selena saluted to me smiling. "Damn right yes chef!" "Okay we'll be back around 3." I pulled the turkey and beef at the same time to let them rest. The smell was absolutely intoxicating, roasted garlic, lemon, parsley, and bacon. It all was coming out the way in envisioned it. Mom helped me get all the serving plates while dad and uncle Logan set the table. Aunt Camryn "supervised" along with her glass of wine. My siblings all began to arrive with their families, so I stood at the door awaiting my tolls from the kids. "Happy thanksgiving auntie Liz here this is for you!" Daisy smiled happy as always. She hugged me tight and handed me a card she made of her handprint drawn into a turkey. "Thank you Daisy!" I squeezed her tight before moving onto the next in line. "What you got for me Julian?" I smiled down at him. He didn't say anything at first going straight into the hug. "Love you auntie Liz." AJ and Cole were next. "I wonder which of you loves me more..?" I said twiddling my thumbs. They shoved their way into my arms hugging as tight as they could. "Aha okay okay I see you both love me a lot." They laughed letting go. I looked at the table with the all the food I'd prepared along with sides prepared by everyone else, and marveled at it all. When everyone finally got a look at it they did as I did and were in awe of it. Along with the two stars of the show there was grilled asparagus, roasted brussel sprouts with pancetta, butter poached shrimp, pumpkin risotto, roasted acorn squash, mashed potatoes, creamed spinach, stuffing, baked macaroni and cheese with a parmesan crust, and garden salad. The smells mixed together in the dining room and I could see everyone starting to salivate just a little at the sight. The dessert table looked just as amazing with the contributions of my sister-in-laws and siblings. "Elizabeth this looks so good. You did a great job." Selena putting her hands over my shoulders. "Yeah good job Liz it smells incredible." Nathan said looking over all the choices spread across the table. "I can't believe you did this on your own.." Natalie smiled. They all surrounded me in a big group hug before  we all joined hands. Dad looked to me and nodded. "Thank you god for bringing us all together and allowing me to show my family just how much they mean to me with a skill you've blessed me with. We give thanks for all the food we're about to have and pray for a good end to the coming year. Amen." "Amen." Everyone collectively answered back. Mom handed me my carving knife and I made the first cut into serving everyone. When everyone had a full plate we took our seats around the house. I plated up last and sat at the table between Sophia and Selena. "I'm so glad I've got my stretchy jeans on Liz. Cause definitely going back for more." Selena smiled eating. As dinner went on everyone would walk by and drop compliments to me and say thank you. It's what made it all worth it. Everyone seeing what I could do, and being recognized for it. I didn't care that my legs hurt from standing all day, my fingers had blisters from the knives, or I was tired beyond belief. Knowing that everyone enjoyed it so much made it worth going through. The kids dropped by me again to say thank you before starting dessert. "You did real good hon." Dad said kissing the top of my head as he walked towards the sink. "We'll all get the dishes sweetie. Take a break finally." Mom nudged me over to the recliner. "Yes will definitely do that." I collapsed into the chair, putting my feet up. The pain in my legs slowly subsiding while my body began to relax. I didn't move for a good twenty minutes before Selena walked by with two plates of pecan pie slices for the both of us. She handed one to me and we cheers'd our forks. I wasn't a pie person growing up, but they've grown on me. After dessert hit me everyone began contemplating the next step. My siblings finished off the dishes, and the kids were all starting to look sleepy. I cracked open another energy drink and split it with Selena. "So are we doing this?" Natalie asked eagerly. "Can you watch the kids?" Selena turned to mom. "We'll just put them to bed. We won't be gone more than a few hours." "Aw man guys go without me you know I hate it." Nathan waved off. "BABE! No way you gotta we can get a new tv." Sophia nudged him. Nathan's eye's lit up. "Yeah the kids can just sleep here while you're out. Oh

[ficclique]

Fic Clique hosts choices for our top fics of the decade - as featured in our Minisode from Jan 3rd. 

Brenna’s choices: 

Honorable Mentions: 

Worldwide Lonesome by loindexter (BTS) 

2018, 39k, Yoongi/Jin 

The biggest gut-punch I’ve ever felt from a character confession. The Jin of this fic has stuck with me every day since reading it. This fic examines sexuality in a way that made me feel seen & I love that.

Timeshare by Astolat (HP) 

2016, 14k, Draco/Harry 

This is sort of a stand-in for all of astolat’s drarry fic, which as a bundle are one of my top fics for the decade. They are fics that feel like instant-classics and the variety of characterizations, stories and tropes helped establish astolat as perhaps my all time favorite fic author. Timeshare won out above the others because it’s one of the fics that helped us decide to do this podcast! Thank you Timeshare! 

Top 5 picks: 

The Student Prince, by Fayjay (Merlin)

2010, 145k, Merlin/Arthur

A fic that has defined fanfiction for me. Perhaps the fic that first convinced me to love fanfiction. Something I keep coming back to and have reread numerous times. Funny, heartfelt, just different enough from the canon versions of characters. Perhaps the only University AU I will ever fully love. 

The Love Song of the North American Douchebag, by Gyzym (Star Trek RPF)

2013, 25k, Chris/Zach

If you want to hear me (and my lovely co-hosts) discuss this fic in depth, then I recommend listening to Episode 6! However, one of our listeners also submitted this as a top fic of the decade, so I’m going to add what the lovely Scout said: 

“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, I HOPE I CAN SWEAR. I'm not even in this fandom. The world building is just THAT good. It's one of my highlights *because* of its power to draw me in as a standalone. So much fucking talent in the transformative work community. The banter, characterization, sardonic-ness of this – international impact baby!”

Not Easily Conquered (series), by dropdeaddream & whatarefears (MCU)

2015, 117k, Steve/Bucky 

An incredibly, precise, gut-wrenching trilogy. Each part is astounding both together and apart. A devastating exploration of love and dedication. One of those fics that created a Fandom Moment. I sobbed through the entirety of part 2 when I first read it. Womb to tomb, sweetheart. 

Azoth by zeitgeistic (HP)

2013, 88k, Draco/Harry 

A stunning exploration of magic beyond JKR’s universe. A timeless coming together of two characters. A frankly genius use of a plot device (and something as simple as a school project) to foster an incredibly touching and meaningful relationship, one in which they are not able to find what they need to complete their task until they find what they need in each other.  ALCHEMY BABY! 

Honeysuckle Arch by junkshopdisco (1d) 

2015, 46k, Niall/Harry 

Perhaps the most I’ve ever related to a character in fic. The Niall of this fic lives in my heart, and I feel like reading him helps me understand myself, and everytime I come back to it I understand him better too. It’s a touching portrayal of a character coming to terms with their sexuality in a way that feels completely grounded and who is surrounded by characters who love them, even if they don’t always know how to show it. 

Nicole’s choices: 

Honorable Mentions: 

Protostellar by ninamondays 

bts, 64k, pub 2019, Namjoon/Jungkook & Taehyung/Jimin

Space, cryogenics, fate, reincarnation, class struggles, revolution, climate change, character death. Having hope is punk rock. Processing grief is a slow and ugly process. [deep breath] Have I ever felt so profoundly touched by a fic while I was reading it?

the other thing by cornfields 

hockey rpf, 16k, pub 2015, Jamie/Tyler

An absolutely unflinching look at personal accountability and internalized homophobia. What happens when your self-hatred has collateral damage? It’s about healing but it’ll fucking hurt first. Bleached out vibes. Makes texas feel very big, and the world feel very, very small. A story I’d only trust a fic author to tell.

Top 5 picks: 

Murmuration by fringecity (indiachick) 

bts, 167k, pub 2018, Yoongi/Jimin/Taehyung

Film noir/murder mystery meets gritty sci fi and superpowers. Everyone is morally gray. You Will sob about Kim Taehyung. A masterclass in plot. Felt like a trilogy all wrapped tightly into one fic. A kaleidoscope. An unfurling. This fic mesmerizes.

The River and the Deep Green Bend by liquidmeasure 

1d, 70k, pub 2016, Harry/Niall

Dark tower au, but only technically. Makes me want to believe in the multiverse. An arid western, a sideways coming of age story, an elegy. The first time I’ve ever cried because an ending was perfect.

the undiscovered country by indigostohelit

hamlet, 56k, pub 2014, Hamlet/Horatio

What else can I say about this fic. What else can I Fucking say.

(note: we discuss this fic at length during episode 5) 

All Things Shining by Askance and standbyme

spn, 142k, pub 2013, Dean/Castiel & Sam/ofc

A story about miracles. Literary as hell, with long luxuriant scenes that never drag. Masterful characterization. The thing I wanted from spn fic—connection, plot, and a fic that not only can handle the lore of the show, but is willing to expand upon it.

Who Painted the Moon Black by throughthedark

1d, 95k, pub 2013, Louis/Harry

Hunger games crossover. Doesn’t just use the other fandom for setting, but entirely inhabits it. I had to stop partway through my reread because I knew I’d have nightmares, but this fic never stops hoping. Trauma is not an ending. This fic is certain of that the whole way through.

Reid’s Choices: 

Honorable Mentions: 

songs from the ash, by explosivesky, 2017

Critical Role, Percy/Vex, Keyleth/Vax, 54k, WIP (sort of)

rockstar/movie star AU 

A fantastic example of how fic can just standalone as really good original fiction. A lovingly rendered, devastating and beautifully crafted portrait of four broken people doing their best to navigate through their lives and around one another. 

delta, by sharpa, 2019

BTS, rapline ot3, 60k

What happens when you’re a public figure who gets unwillingly outed, and two people you used to love reach out to offer you sanctuary? You make Reid cry, that’s what. 

Top 5 picks: 

Salt on the Western Wind by Saras_Girl, 2013

Harry Potter, drarry, 60k

Immediately post war, bond

It represents a lot of what I was looking for when I started really getting into Drarry fic, which was an exploration of what canon wouldn’t give me. My favorite Drarry fics have always been the ones that let them dig into their shared trauma, and while this fic isn’t the heaviest one I’ve read, I think the fact that it’s set literally hours after the Battle of Hogwarts ends lends itself well to that concept. I couldn’t have a list of the decade without a Drarry fic, tbh.

The Great Sealand Takeover, by whalehuntingboyfriends, 2015

Roosterteeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, ot6 (gavin, michael, ray, geoff, ryan, jack), 365k

FAHC

When I think about fics that set the standard for a fandom, this is one of the first ones that comes to mind. This fic means a lot to me because it was my introduction to RPF, and in addition to its intricate plot and fandom-constructed lore, also was a take on poly relationships and found families in a way I had never experienced before, with themes of belonging and a love that transcends typical convention.

The Twice-Told Tale by arysteia, 2012

Marvel, steve/tony, 15k

This fic hits a sweet spot for me where it does have some of that 2012 tower-fic nostalgia, but I also think it holds up well in terms of what I (and fandom) find so fascinating about Tony, which is all this grief and trauma that he struggles so hard to process, and the way puts himself at the center of attention to obfuscate the fact that he keeps everyone at a long arm’s length.

There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, by Shoshanah-ben-hohim, 2015

Hockey, Sid/Geno, Canon Divergent, 77k

& the whole series, including There is a Field, I’ll Meet You There, Alex Galchenyuk/Olli Maata, 131k

When I think about this fic I want to scream from every rooftop I’ve ever been on “please read this fic”. The way it weaves together details to provide a level of grounding and realism in what sounds like the most absurd concept for a fic just floors me. The empathy and compassion and fear in this fic just gets at the most tender parts of my heart, and the fact that it’s ostensibly a ship fic, and yet Sid and Geno spend nearly the entire fic with no communication, but instead are just holding on to the innate truth that they know about one another to get them through this crazy endeavour they’re on elevates the entire fic for me.

what comes after, by poppyseedheart, 2018

Roosterteeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, mavinseg (gavin, meg, michael, lindsay), 36k

Dystopia/Spy AU

When I first read this fic, I finished it and I put it down and then I spent a few days feeling like I was just sort of wandering around in a haze because every single thought was consumed by this fic. In addition to its impeccable worldbuilding and the tone work that it does with its setting, I don’t know that I had ever resonated so deeply with fic characters before. Reading this felt like someone had pried my ribcage open one by one and revealed the softest, most tender parts of me and then went “I’m going to write something that targets this.” This fic is an ode to loss and love, to mourning something that you once had and then hesitantly and clumsily opening yourself up to building something new, and recognizing that, impossibly, that new thing you built can somehow be better than what you had before. 

And I felt all of these things, I felt like my world had just been shattered by this new author I discovered… and then, somehow, I became her friend. Then through Nic I met Brenna, and now when I think about this fic I not only love it for being a work of art, but also for being representative of the thing that brought me to two of the most important people in my life, and that to me will always make it my favorite fic I’ve ever read.

[domesticateddog]

jesus christ travis never shuts the fuck up. he talked for probably 10 minutes straight about some air bud sequel rip off or something (bc he can ONLY think in cartoonified kid movies and nothing else) and then as they get to the actual question he stopped and was like “before we get to this question i have another podcast im doing next monday ect....” and kept fuckinf talking!!

later justin was telling a joke story and he paused for a split second and as soon as justin found the word he was trying to think of and started speaking again travis immediately butted in and talked over justin FOR FIVE WHOLE SECONDS! then he stopped, justin finished his thing like 5 seconds later and then travis instantly started right where he left off, talking abt whatever movie-ified thing he was talking about. like theyll be talking abt idk... fuckin... a guy gets nervous eating pizza at a restaurant and all of travis’ jokes will be “ok but what if this whole time he was a super hero and his special power was crying while eating pizza and then it turns outhewasdoctorwhothewholetimehjfkslosifhnrbepakxncbrilkebakdlf” it makes me want to kill him. wvery single thing he says is some corny bullshit straight outta looney toons or something and i want it to stop right fucking now. he is the personification of 2013 tumblr. doctor who and everything.

[vocalfriespod]

Foul-Mouthed Women Transcript

MEGAN: Welcome to the Vocal Fries Podcast, the podcast about linguistic discrimination.

CARRIE: I’m Carrie Gillon.

MEGAN: And I’m Megan Figueroa. Today we’re going to be talking about swearing. One of our favorite topics, right?

CARRIE: Yes and today obviously - we’re always not-safe-for-work - but today is particularly not-safe-for-work. Just be forewarned.

MEGAN: Yeah, put your headphones in. Don’t play this around children - unless you want them to be exposed to this. It might be good for them.

CARRIE: Depending on their age, yes. There’s probably an age that’s too young, but I’m not gonna say what that is, because that’s none of my business.

MEGAN: Yeah, exactly.

CARRIE: We wanted to talk about swearing for many reasons, but partially it was just because we swear a lot, and women get judged for swearing more than men do. We wanted to explore what’s actually going on. And also, there have been a bunch of weird studies about swearing and my favorite one is the association between swearing and honesty. Supposedly there’s a correlation between those people who swear and those people who are honest, so I thought that was really fascinating. If that’s true, that would be super fun.

MEGAN: Which means that Abraham Lincoln probably swore a fuck ton.

CARRIE: I think it goes in the other direction. I think it’s only if you swear, you’re honest, not if you’re honest then you swear. I could be wrong about that. I didn’t really read this study that carefully because that’s not my area of expertise.

MEGAN: All right. Don’t believe me on that.

CARRIE: I like it though! Let’s pretend it’s true.

MEGAN: What would swears have looked or sounded like back then? I was looking at the OED and looking at some dates and there would have been some “fucking”, back then, a little bit.

CARRIE: Oh yeah, “fuck”’s been a swear word for centuries. Many, many centuries.

MEGAN: Yeah.

CARRIE: Probably more religious-oriented swearing than now.

MEGAN: Yes

CARRIE: But I think some of the ones that we have now are still the same.

MEGAN: Yeah like the excrement stuff, like “shit” must have been.

CARRIE: Yes, I’m pretty sure yeah that’s an old one too. I mean “shit” and “fuck” are both very Germanic so that means they’re old.

REGGIE WATTS: [sings] You take some fuck, then some shit, then some fuck, then some shit, you got a fuck shit stack, a fuck shit stack, take some fuck, then some shit…

MEGAN: We can tell they’re Germanic. It’s a short word. A lot of words that we still have from Germanic are very short: home.

CARRIE: Wife.

MEGAN: Wife yes, lord.

CARRIE: Lord.

MEGAN: That was our Old English lesson for the podcast.

CARRIE: We wanted to make a note that sometimes swearing is very abusive. It’s not that we think that swearing is always good; it’s just that it’s not always bad. We will talk a little bit more about abusive swearing in a bit.

MEGAN: This might be a content warning for anyone that needs that.

CARRIE: And also, you can still be an abuser and say all the right things. Just because someone swears, does not mean they’re a bad person. We also talk about different kinds of swearing, so the ones that maybe are better versus worse. And also time and place. I always try to make this argument. Sometimes you shouldn’t say something, because it’s the wrong time or place. For example, maybe you don’t want to be swearing in your house of worship. But you probably already know that. That’s just the background to why we’re talking about swearing.

MEGAN: I am a scientist so I can’t say “always” or “everyone” but almost everyone swears.

CARRIE: One of the things - okay I didn’t double check to make sure that this number was correct but -according to the BBC, 90% of Brits swear on an average of 14 swears per day.

MEGAN: Wow.

CARRIE: I have no idea what the numbers would be for the United States or any other country, but my guess is, at least in English-speaking countries, people swear a fair amount.

MEGAN: So the average is 14 and I am extraordinary. If I were British, I would be extraordinary.

CARRIE: I have to assume that the Australians swear the most. They might be even higher than that.

MEGAN: Right and their swears look different, right? I mean is “bloody” actually quite swear-ish in England, say?

CARRIE: I think it’s more sweary there than it is here. Here it sounds really silly, but I still don’t think it’s a super-strong swear. It’s not like “fuck”.

MEGAN: Oh, it’s not? Okay, when I was reading Harry Potter or watching the Harry Potter movies, when they say “bloody”, I always thought they were saying “fuck”. It was cute, because we were an American audience. I didn’t know. I guess it couldn’t be PG.

CARRIE: No, she wouldn’t use really harsh swears, I don’t think. For example, one of the swears that Brits used way more than North Americans do is “cunt” and they use it like really freely. And there it’s not nearly as strong as it is here right. What we’re sort of tiptoeing towards is the fact that swearing really tells you something about a culture. It tells you what’s taboo. Magnus Ljung wrote a whole book on swearing called “Swearing: a crosscultural linguistic study”. He noticed that - and this part is not new - swearing involves taboo words. That’s obvious. But there’s also something to be said about the literal meaning being not there. So if you say something like “the shit hit the fan”, you’re not saying anything about literal feces.

MEGAN: Wait, but what if you’re a monkey. That was my cute little joke that I thought was hilarious, because shit really does hit things when you’re a monkey.

CARRIE: That is true. I don’t know how often they throw shit at fans, but if they do, then yes. Then that would be literal. All idiomatic expressions, there are literal versions of them. So: “he kicked the bucket”; I guess you could be talking about a human male kicking a bucket. But normally it means “die”.

MEGAN: Yes, but the point is these are very idiomatic. Swears are very idiomatic, which means that they’re hard for second language learners too, or if you’re in another country.

CARRIE: Speaking of being in another country: there are some countries that will arrest you for swearing. So, don’t swear in all locations.

MEGAN: That’s what goes back to the time and context thing.

CARRIE: Ljung also pointed out that swearing is a type of formulaic language - and that is really true. Think about “he’s hungry as fuck”. That’s become this little formula that we add to the end of sentences now.

MEGAN: And “for fuck’s sake”. I was looking at the OED and “for fuck’s sake”, the first known occurrence was in 1943, which was earlier than I would have guessed. And apparently “fuck a duck”.

DONALD DUCK: Oh yeah, fuck you.

MEGAN:  Another idiomatic expression, first in 1931, and the sentence was “tell her to go fuck a duck”.

CARRIE: Well that one’s so old I don’t even really think about that one. But that first one, “for fuck’s sake”, I don’t know why I wasn’t as surprised that it was that old.

MEGAN: Really.

CARRIE: “Flying fuck” is kind of old too. I can’t remember what the dates are. I want to say 19th century. And originally it meant “fuck on a horse”.

MEGAN: Oh!

HORSE: [neighs]

MEGAN: I didn’t know that. Like literally?

CARRIE: Supposedly.

MEGAN: Okay.

CARRIE: It just seems so difficult, so I can’t.

MEGAN: This one also surprised me. Maybe I’m just surprised by how profane our ancestors were, but “not to give a fuck”, the first occurrence was in 1879. And I really love the sentence: “for all your threats I don’t care a fuck/I’ll never leave my princely darling duck”. I don’t know if it was a poem.

CARRIE: Sounds like a poem. It sounds actually familiar to me but I can’t place it.

MEGAN: It says that it’s from Harlequin Prince Cherrytop? I don’t know.

CARRIE: Oh, okay.

MEGAN: Line 19. Anyway, they talked a lot about ducks back then

DUCKS: [quack]

MEGAN: So yes. “Fuck” has been around for a long time, and idiomatic ways to use it have been around for a long time too.

CARRIE: Although not nearly as long as the word “fuck” itself. That’s from at least the 14th century. “Fuck” is.

MEGAN: And it was a verb first.

CARRIE: Yeah. Originally it meant “to hit” or “to strike”. That’s interesting because now we use “I want to hit that” to mean “I want to have sex with that person”.

KEVIN HART: I hit that. Yes.

MAN: You hit that.

CARRIE: So we’re coming back full circle. Another thing that Ljung pointed out is that swearing really reveals the speaker’s attitudes and feelings. I think that’s really important. Especially if you’re talking about slurs, which we’re talking about a little bit in a minute, but it tells you more about the speaker than the person that you’re speaking to. I think that’s a good thing to remember about slurs. So: slurs. They are a type of swearing, but we’re not gonna focus too much on them. Obviously, some of them will come up, and we will talk about them, but we’re not gonna talk about all of them, and we’re not gonna talk about them in that much detail. Partially because even mentioning them in some cases is so painful to the targets - the people that are targeted by them - that I just don’t even want to go there. Also they’re very complicated, even more complicated than other swearing I think. If we were gonna talk about them, we would probably do a whole show on them. Again, slurs really do say more about the person uttering them than the person that they’re targetted it at, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not gonna be hurt by it, so we’re just gonna set them aside. I try to stay away from most of them, personally.

MEGAN: Me too. There’s four different ways in which swears come about. According to Benjamin Bergen, a cognitive scientist, there are four major contributors for swear words: 1. sacred concepts like

CARRIE: “damnation”

MEGAN: Right. “Jesus Christ”, that’s blasphemous for some people to say. Growing up for me I got a side eye if I ever said “Jesus”. Maybe that’s why I like to say so much now. Especially combined with “fuck”. “Jesus fuckin Christ.” 2. Sex and sexual organs is another contributor for swear words. So, “cunt” and “dick” and all that. 3. Things that come out of your body: “mierda”, “shit”. What else comes out of your body?

CARRIE: “Piss”, I guess, some people call that.

MEGAN: Yeah, I guess, but that seems so weak right at this point.

CARRIE: Yeah, that’s not a swear word to me, but to some people I think it is.

MEGAN: Finally, 4. derogatory words for social groups. That’s gonna be where slurs come in. We have all those ways to create swears, and then we have this subgroup of slurs that we’re not gonna really talk about.

CARRIE: What I found really interesting about that list is that all those categories you can slot in English, but it used to be that English in the Middle Ages, body parts and excretions were not taboo. You could talk about these things very freely and in fact both “cunt” and fuck were used in place names. I’m gonna totally mangle this pronunciation but there was a place name called Bele Wydecunthe. Something like that. Like “wide cunt”. Literally the name of a city or a town or whatever. That was in 1328. There were also names with “fuck” in them. Like people’s names too. It was not a big deal. But now they’ve obviously become more of a big deal. In the past, it was more about religion, because fear of God, and people were more devout than they are now.

MEGAN: I feel like in Britain right now they are more comfortable with sexual organs and excretion - and all those words - than we are in the US, as I’ve seen from BBC shows. I think it’s this whole family values/religious thing in the United States that has made it kind of even more taboo to say certain words.

CARRIE: Well, it’s the puritanical thing. The Puritans left the UK and came here. I wanted to point out that - and I’m not the first person to point this out, many people have pointed this out before me - that really we should reclaim “cunt”. Because etymologically it’s way more feminist than “vagina”, because “vagina” is dependent on the penis for its definition. It literally means “sword sheath”. I think we should try to reclaim “cunt”. I know it’s hard, because in North America it can be used so viciously. I get it, but I’m gonna plant my flag here and say “let’s do it”.

MEGAN: I love the thought that “cunt” is etymologically feminist. That would make a really good bumper sticker. “Cunt” is one of those words where people are really taken aback when they hear it. That’s why it’s so hard. Because you’re kind of putting yourself out there when you use it.

CARRIE: People even have a hard time saying “vagina”, so…

MEGAN: What is it that Oprah used to say? “Vajayjay”? That was a thing.

OPRAH: My vajayjay is paining!

MEGAN: What Oprah says, goes. I remember thinking “vajayjay” was how to say “vagina” for a very long time. I was a big Oprah fan in my childhood. So yes. Let’s reclaim “cunt”.

CARRIE: Also it’s very culturally dependent, as we’ve already said. Even within English, what counts as a swear word in the UK is a little bit different than in North America. Same thing with French. In Quebecois French, but not European French, many of the swear words are derived from words for Catholicism, like “tabarnak”, which it’s just “tabernacle” or “Criss”, which is “Christ”. It’s very fun to hear Quebecois French being spoken.

MEGAN: That is so funny to me that those are swears. Catholics in the US aren’t offended by that right? You could say “tabernacle” and they’re not like, “oh my god”.

CARRIE: When would you ever say “tabernacle”, though.

MEGAN: I don’t know what kind of conversations Catholics are having. So that’s not fair for me to say. But okay fine.

CARRIE: It would be weird for an English speaker to be like “tabernacle!”, trying to swear. No one would understand it.

MEGAN: Do other Canadians know that this is offensive to the Quebecois?

CARRIE: As far as I know. Well, I’m a linguist so I don’t know. I think so. I think Canadians know, but yeah.

MEGAN: It’s another thing where again, like we’re saying, some swear words like could get you arrested in other places. But you can go to other places and not know that a word is a swear word to them.

CARRIE: Well, you’re unlikely in this instance to use that word out of the blue. If you were to use it you would be using it as like a description. I don’t even know what a tabernacle is, to be honest. I just know it’s part of a Catholic thing.

MEGAN: I don’t know what it is either, but I feel like you’re daring me to add this to my lexicon.

CARRIE: Find the Spanish version of it and try and turn that into a swear.

MEGAN: It might be already. I don’t know. A lot of them are Catholic.

CARRIE: Yes, I know.

MEGAN: I’ll have to look into that.

CARRIE: I was obsessed with swear words back when I was getting much younger. It’s fascinating, because it tells you something about another culture. So I asked one of my friends who’s Diné, which is the proper name for Navajo, how to swear in Diné Bizaad, which is Navajo, and she told me that bears are considered to be so powerful that if you invoke the name of the bear twice, then that is kind of like swearing. It’s not exactly the same, but it’s a taboo animal. So powerful. Women, I think we’re so taboo, that words referring to us become swear words, or at least just bad very easily.

MEGAN: I like the Spanish example of how “que madre” is a swear. Literally, that’s “what mother”, but “que padre”, “what father” is “how cool”. That’s like a really good one to look at side-by-side.

CARRIE: Or the difference between “cunt” and “dick”. Come on! “Dick” is so so- uh, soft.

MEGAN: So soft! [laughs]

CARRIE: “Dick” is so gentle in comparison.

MEGAN: That’s still funny. You know it really is, it’s kind of playful.

CARRIE: Yeah, it’s much more playful. You call someone a “dick”. Maybe you’re saying that they’re a bad person, but it still just doesn’t have the same harshness to it.

MEGAN: Like when we use the word “cunt” or “bitch”, if people were referring to men, or people that identify as men, it’s usually to insult them in some way, because women are seen as lesser.

CARRIE: Weak.

MEGAN: There is also - the word “bitch”, I feel, is really complicated. So, when we use it for women, it’s often used for women that are actually quite competent, good at their jobs, etc. I feel like it’s a way to put them in their place kind of thing. We’re uncomfortable with women being so competent or getting the job done or whatever these things, these kind of characteristics that are normally reserved for men, that we see them as bitches.

CARRIE: I think there’s something about - well it’s definitely misogyny, but I think the misogyny comes from this place of men being afraid of women. Menstruation scares the shit out of them for example. So it’s very common for words of referring to women or women’s body parts to become negative in a way that usually men or men’s body parts don’t, or at least not as much. Even “hussy”, which is not really a swear word, it’s too gentle to be at least for me, I don’t consider it to be a swear word, it just meant “housewife”. How do you go from “housewife” to whatever “hussy” means.

MEGAN: It probably says a lot about what we think about women in the home, or just woman in general.

CARRIE: Just women in general, because you don’t think of a hussy as being in the home. Hussy is the side piece.

MEGAN: That’s true. It transforms somehow though through our history, from “housewife” to “hussy”. I was reading a book called “How emotions are made”. I thought that the 2016 election recently was a particularly high time for “bitch”, because it was used a lot to refer to Hillary Clinton. In this book it says, “whenever I see a savvy male politician play the angry “bitch” card against the female opponent I take it as an ironic sign that she must be really competent and powerful. I have yet to meet a successful woman who hasn’t paid her dues as a “bitch” before she was accepted as a leader”. That kind of sums up how I feel about people calling Hillary “bitch”, or saying that she was flawed as well, even though that’s not a swear, all these adjectives that were describing her ultimately come back to how uncomfortable we are with women.

CARRIE: I actually kind of half like the word “bitch” and half hate it. It’s fun in some instances. I like to call a group of people “bitches”. It’s fun!

RU PAUL All right girls!

DRAG RACERS: Good morning, bitches!

MEGAN: Yeah, it is. There’s some reclaiming happening.

CARRIE: But it’s only partial, and it still gets wielded it as a weapon.

MEGAN: It’s true. There are definitely a lot of women that are still uncomfortable with “bitch”. It’s one of those things where I want to like it, but I also don’t want to make people uncomfortable.

CARRIE: I do think women using the word can be better, although there are definitely women who used it in a very sexist way, because just like with our last episode, women are part of the problem too.

MEGAN: Ooh, some new words that are becoming swears in English.

CARRIE: My favorite new one - even though it’s horrible - is “cuck”. Every time I see it - because they almost never hear it, you almost only just see it written - every time I see it written, I just laugh, because I’m like, “why does this person think this is really an effective slur?”

MEGAN: We’re seeing it in the neo-nazi community.

CARRIE: The neo-nazi, the so-called alt-right, the dirtbag right.

MEGAN: They also love the word “snowflake”, which is hilarious to me.

CARRIE: Because anyone who seems to use that word themselves seems to be very sensitive.

MEGAN: There’s some projection going on, for sure.

CARRIE: I think that’s also what’s going on with “cuck”. The only reason why you’re gonna call someone that is because a) you know that there’s this section of porn that involves cuckolding, which I mean why do you know this or why do you care, it’s just somebody’s fetish, why is that even a thing that crosses your mind that you’re like, “haha!”

MEGAN: I know. I didn’t think about it that way, but you leave people’s fetishes alone! Just leave that alone.

CARRIE: I think there’s also a racial component to cuck that they are trying to key into, but again it says more about you, if you’re using it. You’ve got some weird obsession.

MEGAN: And then “SJW”. I don’t spend a lot of time engaging with any sort of neo-nazi web presences.

CARRIE: You don’t have to! They’re everywhere.

MEGAN: Yeah, but I didn’t know - I had to google “SJW” when I first saw it. Thankfully urban dictionary is a thing, and it’s very helpful. “SJW” is social justice warrior. “SJW” is something that - you let yourself be known that you’re kind of an asshole when you use “SJW”, in my eyes.

CARRIE: Yeah, it means that you think social justice is not worthwhile, so therefore why do I care what your opinion is?

MEGAN: Right, exactly.

CARRIE: Okay, so why do we swear? Why is it fun?

MEGAN: I feel like we swear because it is fun. So that’s one of the reasons. This isn’t science for me, but it’s fun because people some people just really don’t like it when you do it.

CARRIE: That’s true! So pissing off certain groups of people. One reason that people swear is to signal in-group status. Around like-minded people, or within a group, you’re more likely to swear, because you’re all pals.

MEGAN: Time and context, as well. I swear much more when I’m with my friends. My parents don’t love it. I try not to swear in front of them, because I am a conscientious daughter. But some people use it to be abusive.

CARRIE: Yes.

MEGAN: Especially with slurs, but it can be some of the words that we think are more fun, like “fuck” can also be used abusively.

CARRIE: Yeah, if you’re yelling at somebody, that’s obviously gonna be more abusive. It also can show that you’re really good friends with somebody, like, “hey, you old bastard!! How are you doing?” Not that I would say that particular…

MEGAN: Have you ever done that?

CARRIE: No, not that. But I know people have.

MEGAN: This is where I imagine Abraham Lincoln, like this is what he would say.

CARRIE: Maybe.

MEGAN:  Right?

CARRIE: I literally cannot imagine being in that time, so I don’t know. It also can help us let off steam. If you’re really angry, sometimes it’s good to not swear AT anybody, but just swear. Or if you stub your toe, supposedly, it relieves the pain.

MEGAN: There was a 2009 study that people cite when they talk about this. It took the world by storm. Because there are some scientific studies that are really sexy, and this was one of them. I read it, because I always like to read sexy science. One of the findings was that people that swear more daily didn’t get the effect as much. The authors tied this to gender. They said that men seem to swear more daily, so they didn’t have as much of an effect as women did. I think, of course, this goes back to sexism, because, again, we seem to be more okay with men swearing. The study also tied swearing to aggression, which I don’t think is completely fair. Especially since aggression is culturally defined, but a lot of times psychologists think of it as more universal, even though it’s not. Aggression looks different in different cultures. Their study was linking aggression with swearing, and people associate both swearing and aggression with men, but it being okay with men. For women to be aggressive is not okay. There might be something there, where we don’t like when women swear, because we think of it more as aggressive, possibly.

CARRIE: I do think that there is such a thing as aggressive swearing.

MEGAN: Right of course.

CARRIE: And it may be the case that maybe men swear that way more than women do? I don’t know. Again, like you say, that’s probably culturally specific. It’s absolutely true that women -it’s less good for us to swear than it is for men to swear, because culturally.

MEGAN: It’s important to note that this is so much worse for black women and women of color.

CARRIE: Yeah, of course.

MEGAN: They’re viewed so much worse if they’re seen as aggressive.

CARRIE: Black women are often accused of being aggressive way more often than say white women are, that’s absolutely true.

MEGAN: Right

CARRIE: So, it’s harder for them to get away with swearing. Again, we should push back on that. It should be - everybody should be allowed to swear, at least time and place. It should be the same no matter who you are.

MEGAN: When we see and when we think about things like this we see the anti-blackness of it, or the anti-person of color of it. You see how ridiculous it is to judge people for their swearing, and you can see how culturally defined it is.

CARRIE: We also use swearing just to emphasize, like, “oh that’s fucking stupid” is more emphatic than just, “that’s stupid”, or whatever.

MEGAN: Or “that’s fucking awesome”.

CARRIE: That’s right.

MEGAN: It doesn’t always have to be negative, when you’re emphasizing something.

CARRIE:  The other thing that swearing might be correlated with is honesty. We talked about this before, but there’s one study that shows - and you should always take any one study with a grain of salt, so if it gets replicated, then okay -  but the study says that if you swear, then you’re more honest. David Stillwell says, “swearing is often inappropriate but it can also be evidence that someone is telling you their honest opinion”. What he’s basically saying is if you’re not filtering your language, then maybe you’re also not filtering your views. So you’re getting a better snapshot of that person’s internal mind. And even if this is not ends up not being true, that feels true. It just feels like, “oh yeah, that makes sense”. You should always be skeptical of anything that’s like, “oh that makes sense”.

MEGAN: Some articles say that it might be correlated with intelligence. This also speaks to what swearing doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean you have a shitty vocabulary.

CARRIE: No, not at all.

MEGAN: There’s a study that found that swearing was positively correlated with measures of verbal fluency. So again, take everything with a grain of salt, but in this study people that swore more, they had a very nuanced speech. They’re very fluent in their speech. There was no poverty of vocabulary. Folks were fine.

CARRIE: I do wonder if it means that - like how you use the swears. Because if you’re just saying “fuck shit”, like that’s it, that’s your entire utterance, that doesn’t seem like any evidence one way or the other of anything. But if you’re using these more elaborate swearing techniques, that means you have to have a very good vocabulary.

MEGAN: Ooh, elaborate swearing. Does that mean that I am really fluent, because I like to compound my swears - so “motherfuckin Jesus Christ”. I like to combine everything, so I’m sure that speaks to my intelligence. So, it might be correlated with intelligence. It definitely for a fact does not mean that you have a shitty vocabulary.

CARRIE: Right. And it might - again time and place - might be good for your career, because if you swear in front of the right person at the right time, they might be like, “oh, you’re not that snob that I thought you were”. Or, “you’re not uptight”. Now again, certain people, certain places, you’re not gonna be able to get away with it. And so I’m not saying, “swear and you’ll get a better job!” No. But if you can tell that you would do better in the job if you swore, then by all means pull it out.

MEGAN: It also might show that you’re passionate about something. So maybe something good at work happens or whatever.

CARRIE: That’s true. It can either be a, “hey, we’re all in the shitty experience together” or a, “oh wow, we’re in this awesome experience together”. So yeah, you’re right.

MEGAN: Yeah exactly. You come out of a bad meeting and then you turn to your boss and say, “well that was shit”. There’s something. I don’t know. Maybe that that’s what it is. But I would still be careful as a woman or as any sort of marginalized group, because these things don’t work as well for us always.

CARRIE: Yes, so be careful.

MEGAN: Also swearing can be used to reclaim language. We talked a little bit about “bitch”; some people are reclaiming that. “Cunt”: Carrie says we should reclaim that. I like that. What else? “Slut.” I think “slut” is being reclaimed or has been reclaimed by a lot of people.

CARRIE: Some people have tried to reclaim it; some people really strongly reject reclaiming it. I’m kind of on the fence about that one, because I just kind of think it shouldn’t even come up. I don’t care who you’re having sex with or how many people you are having sex with. I just don’t care. Oh yeah, Yankee used to be a slur against Americans. “Yankee Doodle” is not a good song. You’re being mocked, Americans.

MEGAN: Yankee Doodle Dandy, isn’t “dandy” -

CARRIE: Like a fancy - like a man who dresses fancily. Something to do with macaroni style - you know, I’d have to look it up. The Brits were mocking Americans for the way they were dressing.

MEGAN: Another thing that we should just lay off. Let people dress they way they want to dress.

CARRIE: Yes, if someone wants to wear a bikini, let them wear it. just go on with your life.

MEGAN: And anyone can wear a dress that wants to wear a dress. Like, come on. Those are some of the reasons why we do swear or why we use swearing. But what swearing doesn’t necessarily mean is that you have X trait. I was reading a study that said that wearing is negatively correlated with ranking high on agreeableness and conscientiousness, which is part of the Big Five inventory of quote unquote universal traits that humans have. I am agreeable as fuck, but I cuss all the time. I just want to put out that this goes back to time and place, because I am i- n conscientiousness as well - I am aware of my surroundings and when I should cuss and when I shouldn’t. I think that these kind of studies are - the blanket claims that you might be more kind or aware of your surroundings if you don’t cuss is too much of a blanket claim.

CARRIE: I’d have to look at it, but my guess is that it’s a very small effect. So even if it’s true, it’s probably a very small effect. Of course you’re gonna have counterexamples, regardless. You as a data point doesn’t take this down.

MEGAN: Oh, it doesn’t.

CARRIE: However, I agree with you in general that it’s probably not that great. Even if it’s true, it’s a tiny amount. So just because you swear, doesn’t mean that you’re not agreeable or not conscientious.

MEGAN: I’d be careful with those kind - it also said that swearing is positively correlated with extraversion.

CARRIE: That seems yet completely wrong.

MEGAN: I know.

CARRIE: But I don’t know.

MEGAN: I think the point here is be careful with anyone or any study that claims that you’re a certain type of person or have a certain type of personality if you swear.

CARRIE: Or anything. Those personality studies are a little suspect.

MEGAN: They are. Again, it’s usually by Western scientists who define these things.

CARRIE: And they’re only studying WEIRD people. Western, educated. What’s the I?

MEGAN:  And they do the studies on college students. There are so many people that are left out of higher education for so many reasons, and the ones that get there could be there for certain reason. It’s just not a random sampling.

CARRIE: No, it’s not.

MEGAN: That is not random sample.

CARRIE: It’s usudally just on college students, which - college students are not even fully grown.

MEGAN: They’re not fully actualized human beings yet.

CARRIE: Our brains don’t finish growing until around 25. We definitely should not be basing all of psychology on that - I’m not saying all of psychology is based on 20 year olds, but a lot of it is.

MEGAN: Psychologists, the comment section is below.

CARRIE: Psychology is going through a shift, so. So now let’s just talk about her favourite swearword. Mine is “fuck”, because it is so versatile. You can say it in any which way. A noun, a verb, an adjective - can you say it as an adjective? Yes

MEGAN: Yeah! Of course you can!

CARRIE: An adverb. You can say it in so many different ways, so I just really love it. In fact, there’s this whole scene in “The Wire” where McNulty and Moreland only utter some version of “fuck”. “Fuck”, “motherfuck”, “motherfucking”, “fucking a” and “fuck me”. Maybe I missed one. We’ll put this up on the tumblr, because I think it’s an interesting video to watch. That’s all they say for 4 and a half minutes. It’s amazing. It’s glorious.

MEGAN: Listening to you say that, I can imagine how much is expressed through that, even though they’re just using the word “fuck”.

CARRIE: They’re exploring a crime scene and they’re trying to figure out how this woman was murdered. They’re trying to figure out where the bullet casing was. They’re exploring this scene and they’re just saying “fuck”. It’s amazing. Anyway. I love it.

MEGAN: My favorite swear word is also “fuck”. It’s because it’s just so recursive. I can just keep going with it.

CARRIE: It’s true.

MEGAN: I like to compound it with everything, like I said. There’s maybe some semantic bleaching for me or something, because it doesn’t feel like a swear word as much anymore, depending on who I’m around.

CARRIE: It definitely feels like gentler than it did when I was a kid. I don’t know if their has been some bleaching going on, or if we just hear it more now. My guess is yes, we do hear it a lot more. We use “as fuck” all the time on the internet. Maybe it has become less of a swearword.

MEGAN: Yeah.

CARRIE: I just want to say: if you’re gonna swear, just swear. Don’t use asterisks. It really bugs me, because you’re putting it into our mind anyway. We can see that you’re swearing, but putting those little asterisks doesn’t change anything.

MEGAN: No, it’s not gonna help children. Children that can read are gonna see it and know exactly what you mean.

CARRIE: Yeah, so if you don’t wanna swear, just don’t swear. That’s a valid life choice to make. But this intermediate thing - I don’t know why it bugs me so much. Okay well, unless you have anything else you want to add.

MEGAN: No, I’m just “fucking a”, man.

CARRIE: So, “asshole”, it turns out, is not gentle enough to make it on to the iTunes directory.

MEGAN: Wait, didn’t we use asterisks.

CARRIE: No, we didn’t, but even if we had, it would have probably gotten rejected - apparently. So, we had to change “asshole” to “jerk”. You’ll see in our description that we use “jerk”, but that’s not what was originally intended. We were originally calling people “assholes” who were discriminating on the basis of language.

MEGAN: And then iTunes discriminated against us. “These fuckers don’t deserve to have their own podcast channel.”

CARRIE: It’s my fault for not making sure that that was okay. Again: time and place. I get it. Maybe you shouldn’t have it in the description, so mea culpa.

MEGAN: Which means that you might have to resubscribe.

CARRIE: Yes, if you subscribed from the first episode, you may have to resubscribe.

MEGAN: Hopefully you’re hearing this. You might not even be doing this. Hopefully we will find you again. One of our many mistakes that we will surely make.

CARRIE: We will make more for sure. I hope you enjoyed this episode. What is our next episode gonna be on, Megan?

MEGAN: Our next episode is going to be on Southern English, which was a request, but also very, very important. A lot of things to say about that. I don’t know how we’re gonna do in 30 minutes.

CARRIE: We’ll figure something out.

MEGAN: Much love to southern English and we’ll be talking about that.

CARRIE: Thanks again and don’t be an asshole.

MEGAN: Don’t be a fuckin’ asshole.

CARRIE: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Theme music by Nick Granum. You can find us on tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @vocalfriespod. You can email us at vocalfriespod@gmail.com.

[lillianvalnala]

TAZ Finale stuff

all of my thoughts from throughout the episode are gonna be here so HEAVY SPOILERS! also its super fucking long cuz this episode was amazing

-because thats the sex number!

-im listening to the ad reads and stuff thats usually in the middle since its at the beginnings just bc im nervous and its gonna make me cry cuz i just. love griffin 

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY HERE WE GO ITS STARTING AND IM STRESS

-hunger is a lorge boi

-”alright buddy, dance for me” I LOVE DAVENPORT

-is it john

-ITS JOHN

-OH NO JOHN I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD FOR HIM

-really taako 

-i fucking love these dorks so much

-YOUR FINAL BATTLE FUCK

-L E T S   R O L L   I N I T A T I V E

-beautiful owl song

-Mathias is Hedwig 

-beautiful bean damage

-cut things very good 

-this fucking badass sword i love it

-MAGNUS WANTS TO BE WITH HIS BOYS

-hachi machi thats a lot of damage 

-i wonder how many times they’ve said boy in this entire series 

-merle like. put razor blades in candy and gave it to john

-magnus is cool and im in love with him

-SIX ATTACKS IN ONE ROUND I LOVE FIGHTERS MAGNUS IS AWESOME AS HELL

-my current mood is griffin’s “fuck off” when travis says 92

-bye john

-wait what ok maybe not bye john

-whAT th e fck is happening griffin 

-GRIFFIN THE SWORD WHAT ARE YOU DOING G R I F F I N

-WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-THIS MUSIC IS AMAZING I LOVE IT

-orbs orbs orbs orbs

-OH MY G O D WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON

-the final john, john the destroyer of worlds

-OKAY THAT WAS SCARY HES NOT DEAD 

-travis calling them his boys makes me happy

-god someone’s gonna die this episode but HEY it won’t matter because theyre on the ship and thats how the ship works

-taako is scared aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-ABRACA-FUCK YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I JUST GOT REALLY FUCKING EXCITED OH MY G O D 

-take that orbs

-hit that blue boy magnus

-take that blue orb

-taako not you too god damn it 

-god damn bosses and their bullshit im so scared

-naptime!

-oh no mom 

-what is happening what 

-pan!!! my boy!!!!!

-THANKS PAN YOU AMAZING GOD BOY

-oh s h i t 

-bringing in a character from another series jesus christ

-LIGHT HIM THE FUCK UP JOAQUIN 

-HELL YEAH I LOVE JOAQUIN

-I LOVE THIS 

-clint are you serious right now god damn it

-GARFIELD WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

-call griffin in do it you cowards

-garfield doesnt look like anything they just cant tell 

-garfield pulls out a gun

-oh not a gun a fucking grenade 

-R O S W E L L IM SO HAPPY MY FAVORITE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THEYRE HERE IM GONNA CRY

-i fucking love roswell i still love them im absolutely in love

-oh my GOD taako i love him hes amazing

-a time paradox get fucked

-i love these goobers

-SUMMON VOIDFISH!!!!!!!!!!!1 YES!!!! F I SH E R S 

-travis got so happy!!! oh my gosh!!! he was so concerned about them last episode and now he knows they’re safe and aaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-i love the voidfishes they are amazing 

-im so proud of these space jellies

-take that orbs

-honestly this music is beautiful i love it

-o h  n o the engine 

-o h n o the engine

-john goes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-”im not goin fuckin anywhere” I LOVE THIS

-holy shit griffin

-jesus christ dont make me feel bad for john this is gonna make me cry its so peaceful and nice like merle is the only friend john had and he wanted to spend his last moments with his only friend

-haha it looks lit 

-my mom i love her

-oh my god are you serious griffin fucking mcelroy 

-im half way through and ive cried once so i think we’re doing good

-istus!!!! oh my god!!!!!!! thank you goddess mom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-he wants to help lup!!!!! he cares about his sister so much!!!!!! goals!!!!!!!!

-ANGO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 YOU GO KIDDO I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-HURLEY AND SALONE AND KLARG AND OH MY GO D YES FUCK IT UP GUYS!!!

-YOU’RE GOING TO BE AMAZING 

-AAAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO HAPPY G E R Y L 

-I LOVE THIS SO MUCH 

-IM IN LOVE WITH THIS EPISODE 

-scuttle buddy :D

-train train train train train 

-o shit the planes

-its griffin, himself, as a character

-oH MY GOD I WAS RIGHT I WAS JUST JOKING ARE YOU KIDDING ME

-its spirited away, like the movie 

-jeffandrew... jeffandrew...

-blupjeans hell yeah

-Im so proud of these kids

-ANGO MY SWEET BABY SON JUST HIS EXISTENCE MAKES ME TEAR UP I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

-this is sweet i love this 

-MAYOR CASSIDY AWWWWWW

-this is really beautiful i love it 

-awww ango is the top student im so proud of my son i love him

-davenport!!! my other dad!!! im proud of him too and im so happy for him!!!!!!

-Joyfully yous, Davenport

-lup and barry are working with taako’s bf and i love it thanks raven mom

-BACK SOON OH MY GOD STOP

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LUP HAS A BODY AGAIN 

-“im about to smooch your fucking brains out, babe”

-good luck getting the fuckin bracers off 

-pringles!!!!!!! i love him what a good boy

-i love my actual mom Lucretia 

-the day of story and song

-twins cooking together my #aesthetic lup is roasting taako over his cooking

-these two are goals and i love them i love elf twins so much

-”what part of that sounds like i was joking”

-i love justin and taako so much they’re my faves

-taako is the best boy

-everyone is in house taako and wears taako t-shirts 

-ren my daughter im proud of her

-”i should mention my boyfriend is death...”

-barold 

-i want taako to cook for me

-awwwwwwwwwwwww krav and taako are so cute

-MY BOY! MY SON! THE LIGHT OF MY LIFE! HE’S TALLER NOW AND IM PROUD OF HIM!

-aww ango is so cute and i love him my sweet son he’s still the world’s greatest detective!

-TAAKO CALLED HIM LITTLE MAN THATS WHAT I CALL TUCKER THAT MAKES ME SO HAPPY 

-mavis and mookie!!! i love them kids!!!!!!!!! this is so cute!!!!

-merle taught kiddos and got closer to his kids that makes me so happy

-merle doesnt hear much from taako or magnus thats like, sad

-i love how many characters came back 

-governor merle highchurch

-he wants to be earl merle highchurch

-merlegartia ville

-i love mookie he’s so cute

-”you’re his hero you know” OKAY THANKS FOR RIPPING MY HEART OUT THAT WAS CUTE

-UNCLE TAAKO AND UNCLE MAGNUS AND AUNT LUP AND AUNT LUCRETIA AND UNCLE BARRY AND DAV

-pun’kin thats adorable

-AW THATS SO CUTE I LOVE THIS MERLE LOVES HIS KIDS SO MUCH

-wedding wedding wedDING WEDDING WEDDING WEDDING W E D D I N G  L E A S BI A N S

-this is so sweet im so happy i love this so much

-ango cries at weddings thats so sweet

-i love these characters!!! so much!!!

-subtle magnus. so very subtle 

-right hand man magnus is my favorite i love

-magnus has a school too and DOG TRAINER YAY 

-HE TRAINS SERVICE DOGS!! I LOVE 

-HE NAMED HIS DOG JOHANN IM CRYING IM ACTUALLY CRYING RIGHT NOW

-okay griffin how about go fuck yourself? 

-i love the few seconds of silence after griffin asks “how does magnus die”

-oh my lord im crying harder now this is such fucking bullshit what the hell guys

-god dont bring grown up angus into this shit what the fuck griffin 

-im actually sobbing over this oh my lord

-travis is clearly crying you can hear it in his voice

-OH NO DO NOT BRING JULIA INTO THIS

-BITCH DO N O T

-god i dont like hearing travis cry 

-im actually like sobbing over this 

-oh my god the music 

-oh my lor d st  o p it hurts its so cute i love magnus so much i love him and julia and the dogs and i love travis so sos os os os o much 

-THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ELF IM LIKE 100% NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW THIS HURTS SO BAD

-carey my sweet girl i love her

-”im gonna streak my fuckin eyeliner” “give me a hug lizard girl” “dont fuckin call me that. i’m a proud dragonborn” 

-i love the lesbians i love everyone in this god damn podcast

-fisher :D

-love them voidfish

-aw they all cried that warms my heart 

-honestly that was so beautiful??????

-travis hasnt urinated in three years confirmed 

-so thats it. thats the end. im glad it ended how it did, i really liked that. 

[nightmareonfilmstreet]

HELLRAISER: JUDGEMENT Director Promises Shocks and Gore

New Post has been published on https://nofspodcast.com/hellraiser-judgement-director-promises-shocks-gore/

HELLRAISER: JUDGEMENT Director Promises Shocks and Gore

The next installment in the long running Hellraiser series has been in production for quite some time.  With the last addition, Hellraiser: Revelations released direct to video in 2011, there has been no certainty on the release schedule for follow up. Until now. Director Gary J Tunnicliffe (who has been a longtime makeup artist on the series) recently spoke on what sights await us in Hellraiser: Judgement.

The synopsis for Hellraiser: Judgment is as follows:

Detectives Sean and David Carter are on the case to find a gruesome serial killer terrorizing the city. Joining forces with Detective Christine Egerton, they dig deeper into a spiraling maze of horror that may not be of this world. Could the Judgment awaiting the killer’s victims also be waiting for Sean?

Tunnicliffe spoke on some of his passion for Hellraiser: Judgment and how brutal the next installment has been.

I had the most fun on that I’ve ever had, and I’ve never worked so hard on a Hellraiser film, but we had a great time.

During the latest episode of The Movie Crypt Podcast, Tunnicliffe spoke with Adam Green and Joe Lynch regarding how some of these brutal scenes have impacted both the cast and crew.

We did two sequences where… one the actress almost passed out… a scene that you especially, Adam… you are going to freak the fuck out,” he continued. “I’ll tell you off air about it, and when I explain it to you, you’re going to be like, ‘Jesus Christ.’ Involving a small dog. No, the dog doesn’t get hurt. But it goes through some… trauma. And then we had three grips leave the set during a sequence when they said, ‘This is utterly screwed up.’

The Hellraiser films are no stranger to the macabre and brutal depictions of violence upon its characters. With the statement from Tunnicliffe , fans are certain to get another level of shock and gore coming to Hellraiser: Judgment.

Another change coming to Hellraiser: Judgment is the newest actor to take on the role of Pinhead, the hell priest. Paul T. Taylor will now be donning the pins and leather. The role was previously ruled by Doug Bradley for the majority of the Hellraiser series. Stephen Smith Collins took on the role for previous installment Hellraiser: Revelations.

The film will also see Nightmare on Elm Street’s Heather Langenkamp coming into Hellraiser: Judgment. Damon Carney, Randy Wayne, Alexandra Harris, John Gulager, Mike Jay Regan, Diane Goldner , Andi Powers, Jeff Fenter, Helena Grace Donald, and Grace Montie will also star.

Hopefully more news on the release date for Hellraiser: Judgment is on the horizon. In the meantime, stay with us here at Nightmare on Film Street as news comes. We have such sights to show you.

[thisislizheather]

May Musings

I have officially done a year’s worth of these monthly roundup posts.

Is it clear how much I love to write them? I guess I’ll keep doing them until they become a bother. Here’s what went down in May!

I’m still screaming from the rooftops about how great Booksmart was, can’t get over it.

Losing my mind over how good these Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups are.

And look, I tried to try more of the collagen powder but Nathan finished it all (and his hair has been looking pretty good lately now that I think about it) and I’m waiting to get more. I promise to finally take this regularly next month.

One of the regulars in my snack rotation has been these zucchini pizza bites that are surprisingly delightful, especially if you’re adding sopressata and/or jalapeños as part of the toppings.

I saw Jason Mantzoukas walking in Soho and he was so handsome I was afraid to say anything. Like alarmingly handsome. I knew he was good looking, but in real life? Whoa.

I am in love with this font. Someone tell me if it has a name.

I attempted to start season two of Barry, but it’s been so long since I saw the first season that I forgot most of what has happened. Could I have just rewatched the finale of season one and then moved on to number two? Sure. Will I? Now that’s another question.

Someone was singing this on the subway and I’d never heard it before, but Jesus Christ. So lovely.

This was a pretty heavy podcast month for me (kill me for that sentence), I did three of them! The first one is with Nathan talking about the new apartment, the second one is with Irene talking advice and the third one is with Nathan again talking abortion.

I just bought a pair of these heavenly, high-waisted, button-fly Gap jeans and I think everyone should go buy them ($42 right now with the sale), they fit like a dream. I might go back and get another pair in a different colour. Actually, yeah. I’m definitely doing that.

Ate at La Contenta and it was absolutely nothing special. Everything was too salty, overpriced and crowded.

I’ve already made three batches of these banana walnut muffins, they’re so perfect for the morning or for a snack. Ignore that they’re paleo, I promise you they’re good. Definitely not a party muffin, but a good-for-you muffin.

So excited that people will finally stop talking about Game of Thrones. Usually I don’t mind when other people love something that I don’t care about, but with this show it’s just been overkill. We get it. It was a show. Let’s move on?

So excited to hear that there’s going to be a new Mindy Kaling book next summer!

Nobody told me about how smokey it gets when you attempt to make burgers in your kitchen at home? Or was everyone aware of this already but me?

I just bought pink sunglasses (at Nathan’s encouragement) and I just became cool. May 2019. That’s when it happened. (I’d post of photo of them but I’ll be wearing them until I’m cold and dead in the ground, so believe me, you’ll see them on me soon.)

I can’t believe how good this looks. I love it when fall movies just say fuck it and come out in late summer.

I can’t say that I 100% relate to everything in this piece, but some parts of it are so on the money: “Men Have No Friends and Women Bear The Burden.“

I tried the mozzarella sticks at Big Mozz in Chelsea Market and whoa. They’re pretty serious. The tomato sauce that comes with them is insanity, too.

My niece Tianna came to visit New York for the first time! Some highlights: I finally ate a cronut and they’re waaaaay too sweet, and coming from me that should mean something because I love all things dessert. Maybe it’s because we ate it so early in the morning? I don’t know. I really don’t understand the big deal about them, though. We also walked through Chinatown and down to the financial district to get lunch at Manhatta, which was lovely. I forced her to eat my favourite pad thai at Lovely Day in Soho. We shared a cheese plate at The Cellar at Beecher’s, walked around the west village to see the Friends building and the stoop from The Cosby Show, we had dinner at L’Artusi where she had her first steak tartare. We walked through Grand Central Terminal to get to the dog museum (which is cute as hell), we saw and went backstage at the musical Waitress, had dinner at Shake Shack, saw the 9/11 memorial, shopped at Century 21, walked the Brooklyn Bridge, got pizza at Juliana’s (which wasn’t as good as I remembered?), walked with Baby Dog in Central Park to see the Balto statue, perused Chelsea Market and walked along The High Line, went to the galleries on Thursday night where we met Luis Guzman (!), and ate gelato at Grom. This was all within four days. No idea how we did that much stuff, but I slept for 13 straight hours the day after she left, so maybe I’m not as young as I once was.

Above Photo: Tianna, backstage at Waitress in NYC

Above Photo: Tianna on The Brooklyn Bridge

Above Photo: Tianna & Baby Dog in Central Park

I started watching the new version of The Twilight Zone with the assumption that I’d dislike it since the original is so great, however I’ve only seen one episode so far (the blue scorpion one) and I think I really like it. Obviously the classic series is untouchable, but this one is done really well.

I learned about the existence of Book Off in midtown, it’s a store “for the people who don’t want to waste.” They buy your old CDs, DVDs, books, action figures, electronics. It’s amazing.

Season three of Riverdale is over! This is the only show that I watch every week, so it was a big deal for me. And honestly, it was a fun season, despite everyone on earth’s opinions of it. Favourite tweet from the finale?

Strawberries are about to be in season, so I got a huge carton of them from a farmer’s market and made these strawberry oatmeal bars. Pretty good! They also work well crumbled up in greek yogurt.

Another good snack idea? These baked sweet potato fries.

I have made this chicken marsala so many times that I’m taking a break from them. But for the first few times I made it, it was so, so satisfying.

All right, look. I fully expected to love Wine Country on Netflix, but maaaaaan. It is not good. It isn’t funny or sweet or anything. I think I also hate it when Tina Fey tries to be a character actor, it’s always just the worst. Do not watch.

Here’s your semi-annual reminder that Bath & Body Works is having their huge twice-a-year sale starting on June 1st, I think. It’s never advertised in advance, but I’m almost positive that it’s the first week of June. Apologies that this sounds like an ad, I just really like their foaming hand soaps and I’m cheap as hell.

Made the roasted cauliflower, feta, orzo salad from Chrissy Teigen’s cookbook and yes it was really, really good. The only issue is that the portion size is way too big. We had leftovers for days and got pretty sick of eating it, so if you’re doing this for two people, definitely size it down. Also, I had no idea there were different types of feta. French feta is creamier than traditional Greek and maaaan is it good.

Loving this kale salad lemon dressing.

This shall be my June mantra.

And this is just great.

What am I looking forward to next month? I’m planning on seeing Mindy’s new movie Late Night, watching some more of the new Twilight Zone episodes, polishing off my spring list, preparing my summer list, thinking about if I’ll ignore or celebrate National Best Friend Day on June 8th, figuring out a Father’s Day gift for the 16th, I do want to see Toy Story 4 but it feels weird to not see it with a niece/nephew, and I’ll definitely take photos of the new apartment and my favourite items that I bought for the apartment post I promised last month.

If you’ve enjoyed this post, here’s a years worth of other ones like it: April 2019, March 2019, February 2019, January 2019, December 2018, November 2018, October 2018, September 2018, August 2018, July 2018, June 2018 & May 2018.

[artbytesslyn]

Hi! i really love your art and am a patron (for 4 months its rlly been worth the money, thank!) this might be a random question but i spend a lot of time behind a desk at work so i was wondering, as someone else who might be in a same boat if you have podcasts or something that you listen to that you can recommend? there's so many out there and i want to start listening but i don't know where to begin!

Hello! Firstly, thank you for your patronage ;v; 

I do listen to a lot of podcasts! Many hours of drawing every day kind of means I need lots of audio in my life. Here’s what I can recommend (with links, and they are all free to listen):

1.) My Brother, My Brother, and Me (Comedy) (1-1.5 hours per episode): Yeah, there’s gonna be a few on here from the McElroy brothers. I think most people here know what this one is all about.

2.) Sawbones (History, Comedy) (1 hour  per episode): Also a McElroy property, but this one is a medical history podcast with Justin and Sydney McElroy discussing crazy medicine shit throughout human history. It’s bananas, and also SFW (no swearing, some bodily descriptions however.)

3.) The Jenna and Julien Podcast (Comedy, Discussion) (1.5-2 hours per episode): JennaMarbles’ podcast. I highly highly HIGHLY recommend this one, even if JennaMarbles seems outdated to you. Some are funny, and some are very insightful. Jenna is very smart and passionate about many things and you can learn a lot from this podcast. Also I don’t know if I know a funnier/ better ensemble than Jenna and Julien.

4.) Sword and Scale (True Crime) (Horror) (1.5-2.5 hours per episode): This is a true crime podcast. If you aren’t interested in that sort of thing, you can skip over this one. This is the best quality true crime podcast I’ve listened to, but it is also a bit voyeuristic. A chunk of the listening experience is listening to real recordings of court cases and any existing related audio. So, for example, the Jonestown episode contains the Jonestown tapes. Moments in the episodes like this can become very, very graphic. If you try this one out, check the comments first. If people seem remarkably turned off or upset by something in that episode, avoid it. 

And jesus christ do NOT listen to the second half of the Deep Web episode. Just fucking don’t. Be careful with this podcast. I have a high tolerance for violence, but this one can sometimes be too much. 

5.) Cool Games, Inc (Comedy) (45 mins- 1 hour per episode): Another McElroy/ Polygon property. Griffin and Nick discuss fake games based on suggestions from Twitter. It’s very funny, and the episodes are shorter. 

6.) Harmontown (Comedy, Discussion, RolePlaying) (3-3.5 hours per episode): This is the podcast I’ve been listening to for the longest time (YEARSSSSSS) Also, Dan Harmon’s podcast. You know, the guy who made Community and co-produced Rick and Morty.

If you like Rick and Morty, I HIGHLY suggest listening to this podcast. You’ll understand where a lot of the humor comes from. This is mostly on the fly humor from him and guests in front of a live audience.

At the halfway point they do Harmonquest, which is a roleplaying DnD style rpg adventure. It’s the funniest shit ever. 

7.) Tales of Horror (Horror, History) (1-1.5 hours per episode): Different and interesting. This podcast consists of recordings from old radio horror readings. The quality (audio and storytelling) varies through each. Some of the recordings are very degraded. The stories themselves are pretty tame, as you couldn’t get away with much on the radio during the times they were produced, but still qorth listening to.

8.) Movies with Mikey (Movie Discussion) (15-30 mins per episode): Okay, not really a podcast, but I’m shocked that this isn’t more popular. Mikey talks about movies that audiences didn’t praise when they were first released, and various others. Very very thoughtful introspection on a lot of movies I adore (Sunshine, Princess Mononoke, A.I., Iron Giant, to name a few). Want a new perspective on your favorite movie? Listen to him.

9.) The Flophouse (Comedy, Movie Discussion) (1.5 hours per episode): Three guys watch bad movies and comment on them. Sometimes it’s funny, sometimes they’re, erm. Annoying. These episodes are kind of hit and miss. 

10.) Mystery Science Theater 3000 (Comedy, Movie discussion) (1.5 hours per episode): Mergh, also not a podcast, but can be listened to like a podcast. The Flophouse, I think, was based off of this series. I’ve been watching it since I was a kid, and Netflix just revamped it recently. Both versions are good. A guy and two robots make fun of cheesy old movies. 

That’s all for now!