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ivys-garden · 13 days ago

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Life Series Recap Finale.

The end has came and went. All Wild cards are spent. Who lived, who died? Brace yourself, its a wild ride.

Bigb

And so the first falls.

First, Bigb says goodbye to himself. Or more accurately, his giant face in the woods. He then meets up with his team, saying how proud he is that they stayed together. For a team who didn't trust him they work very well together and trust each other very much, white Pearl giving Bigb her chest plate to help him survive just a bit longer.

Bigb and his Bestie, Ren, are chosen to be the distraction force so the team can go and put Creakings in the Bammers base. Unfortunately this plan didn't work and so the Team has to wander around and try to find a new plan. During this time Bigb charms his way into Ethos heart and gets some of his old gear too.

He then tries to kill him with a mace. Ethos is a good sport about it though.

But, as they both are distracted by their trivia bots, neither is looking at Bigbshell and it is able to seek up on his human and kill him.

A shame too, he was one of my roots.

14 remain.

Scar

He did it. He built his roller coaster. Sure it took the death of both a dog and a skizz, but he did it. And with a really sick design as well! He was able to launch people F A R with this thing, and the people who rode it really ilenjoyed it, even if bdubs almost died to it unintentionally.

That's not to say it wasn't a coaster of death though, he did try to kill Joel with it, but unfortunately this did not pan out. In fact none of Scars Murder attempts panned out, with both a raid at the Cake Tower and a plan to murder Etho falling through, once due to wild card and once due to Scar being too nice a guy.

But, unfortunately, as Scar is doing a bot, eSCARgo is able to seek up and obliterate him. The coaster lays dormant for the remainder of the session.

13 remain.

Lizzie

Throughout this session Lizzie continues her role as the dastardly planner of the bammers, both in planning how to keep her team safe and how to kill the others.

She plans to use small size to avoid others, acts as snail duty for Jimmy and Scar and Was the one to help Scar finally finish the roller coaster, even losing out a zombified Skizz to be a glorified crash test dummy.

Oh yeah, Lizzie became a lich! Getting a Zombified Martyn, Skizz and…. Huh, guess the Watchers got to that one early. Anyway, she orders Martyn to bring her husband and gem to the mountain so she can blow them up with a newly built trap, unfortunately this doesn't work and the Wild card fades before her Lich-jesty can do anything more with her goons.

Aside from the Zombie shenanigans, Lizzie also plants a trap under the main bridge in the form of a Pufferfish. While her she uses her new shapeshifter powers, which were previously only used to mock Jimmy, to copy Scott's DNA. They then do what anyone would and start messing with people. Lizzie is able to convince Scott to let HER go on Scars rollercoaster so he can brag he's been on it for “marketing “...I think lizzie just wanted to go on the rollercoaster… shame since Scar had already converted it to a murder coaster at this point and she couldn't ride.

And then Scar died. Distraught and Robotizised she calls Jimmy back to the Bam-Bunker…. And then in an instant, Everything is gone.

12 remain.

Jimmy

He made it. He made it to the end. To the finale.

Naturally this makes him a lot more paranoid for both himself and his team. He's way more perspective, picking up on Scott's plan before he even executes it. And of course catching them and grian actively trying to kill them.

That isn't to sat he doesn't fall for traps, he almost kills himself accidentally by opening a trap chest gem made. Ironic with how close the bammers have been with the family, with joel saving Jim from a ravenger and giving him a diamond just this session.

But when Lizzie calls him back to The Bambunker, he responds immediately. But little could they know this sealed there fates. Grian, the maker of destiny, called to Jimmy at this moment, saying how “it was always gonna end this way” before Jimmy finally died. Try to find a more Watcher coded moment I dare you.

Also can we just appreciate how good the Bamboozelers were? One of the loyalist, most successful, well prepared and well planned teams we ever had. Genuinely great job, but still they are first out.

11 remain. So close, fly high next time, great Phoenix.

Impulse

Oh no, impulse.

The Gals weren't too happy that Impulse completely wiffed his Totem, apparently as a result of bad foot coordination and playing Minecraft with footpedels. I'd you ever need a reason to not play Minecraft with footpedels, there you have it. Yknow, apart from that being completely Wack.

Oh but that's not Impulses only failure, as he also revealed that he messed up his pitfall trap. After this humiliation and constant ribbing from his team, Impulse is kind to do some killing. He takes Cleo and Ren to raid the old base, gets ridden by Scott, and makes plans to finally kill Gem & Joel.

His first plan comes when Gem is distracted by Pearl being pathetic in front of her and boils down to just slapping Gem with a sword while Invisible. He thankfully backs off when Gem actually offers to fight back. He instead tries some trivia and almost dies to bees. He then rides Scars rollercoaster to calm down and OH FUCK THE BEES ARE BACK RUN AWAY

OK OK, Impulse has a new plan. Using the stupid amount of pearls he got from last episode he gets onto Gem's old shitty watch tower and builds a super TNT launcher. But, he doesn't watch his six and so iSnail is able to sneak up on him.

Impulse is desperate. Thirsty for blood. And so when he gets the Zombie power, he sticks most of the server on Joel, even joining the fray himself.

But in the chaos, etho gets confused, places just one Creeper and away went Impulse.

Maybe aggression won't win the season this time.

10 remain.

Scott

Scott dying before Joel? It's a Christmas miracle! Wait Scott is being really aggressive as well, we sure this is the same guy?

Scott starts the episode celebrating that his desire to spite us was actually able to keep the team together despite all odds and he reaffirms everyone's complete devotion to each other. Before immediately formulating a murder plot. The Gals go to the Bammers base to spawn every creaking they can, but are spotted very quickly. But if these results one thing scott is, its persistent, so He and Pearl go for round two. But anything scott is is easily distracted, so he ends up using his powers to become.murdr twinsies with pearl and just sit around in a whole as she astrals.

When they realise this plan is kinda stupid they decide to get Gem and Joel with it instead and are immediately discovered. Damn. But they go again next time there away and manage to plant all the hearts

… it took Gem like a minute to dig them all out.

Speaking of easily distracted scott also forgets who he's targeting repeatedly and just goes off to dick around. Doing stuff like riding an invisible Impulse or threatening Scar with a bamming of the mountain

But when Scott gets focused again he does so in a big way, being the only one to be able to go toe to toe with Joel during the massive manhunt for him. And as Scott has him cornered, he strikes Joel down.

Only for etho to academically shoot him.in the neck goddammit etho, again?

Hey at least Scott got to feel what it was like for Joel every season.

9 remain.

Gem

Gem counts to be paradoxically paranoid & bloodthirsty and.eager to befriend anyone who tries to kill her. She starts the session by trapping her own base with trapped chests, historically trapping your own base has been a crazy idea but it actually works very well here, nearly getting bdubs and Jimmy.

Joel then convuces Gem to come congratulate Jimmy on surviving. Resulting in them both reluctantly giving Scar and Jimmy diamonds as a reward. Then Lizzie turns around and sends a zombified martyn to lure them into a trap. Apparently there were no hard feelings about this though as Gem continues to be besties with lizzie literal seconds after she tried to atomise her.

Speaking of befriending your enemies, it's what you all been waiting for, the conclusion to the ongoing jewel box drama….

Gem runs around in a circle calling pearl Pathetic and cute as she tries and repeatedly fails to mace her in the face

Yep. That's how the drama ends. Honesty makes a lot of sense with the series as a whole, we might say that things are dramatic or Angsty or edgy or other words, but in reality everything is stupid and doesn't make any sense, so just have some fun and try to kill your friends!

But eventually Gem would have to die. When talking to etho about how great they all were, Etho just straight up blew her up. Like etho killed her, objectively and intentionally. Her family killed her. Needless to say she wasn't too chuffed about that, or the fact that he joined in when everyone started their manhunt for Joel.

But hey, now shes gotten rid of one unstable alliance and can get a new unstable alliance with Pearl! Yippie! Yeah pearl and gem TRY to become murder besties, despite the repeated interruptions of Joel and Cleo trying to kill one of them.

But, the worst interaction comes as a result of the world itself, as every wildcard becomes active. All at once…. Except hunger.

Either way the result is the same, in the chaos Gem experiences death via…. Vex. Really?

But hey, she died as she lived: not being killed by Pearl.

8 remain.

Etho

What did this little weasel get up to? Well he starts by gearing up his tuff guys with arrows and sending them off to go stealing things before meeting up with Cleo to see if the Gals need him to do anything. Using the arrows he had, bdubs stole and he got from cleo he Carstens a plan to Crossbow span anyone who comes near him. He also builds several traps underground he can activate with wind charges.

Now, Gem & Joel already distrust him now and he hasn't given The Gs ant reason to trust him and he isn't doing himself any favours as immediately after finding out scar rigged his roller coaster to kill people, he tries to get Joel to go on it. Later, when he gets the Zombie power he tries to get Skizz to blow up the car again and gets martyn to go after Scott for punching him off Bam mountain. When this fails, he instead tells them to try and kill Impulse for actually no reason.

Speaking of killing people for no reason, he blows Gem up when she's talking about how good a team they are. And then tries to gaslight Joel into thinking it wasn't intentional. Luckily Ethostropod gives him insta karma.

He then joins in the massive hunt to kill Joel. Using the strategies of Crossbow pelting and Creeper spam, one of which is countered by a Lava bucket and the other of which kills Impulse. He then continues trying to kill Joel and accidentally shoots Scott in the face.

Naturally, no one but his tuff guys are willing to trust him. And as Pearl, Cleo and Ren storm the Tuff Towers, Bdubs and Tango fall back. Etho, paranoid, believes that he's being abandoned, and activates his trap, killing himself.

This man, who tried to weasel into any team he could, ended up only being trusted by the team he shut out.

Etho’s last words were “my team is abandoning me” but they stuck by him. It was etho who abandoned them.

7 remain.

Bdubs

Bdubs marvels at how the Tuff Guys stuck together throughout it all. Reflecting on the start of the session, in that vast green pasture where the horse drama started. Where he said that they weren't a team, that they wouldn't help each other. Was it ever true?

No. Bdubs always wanted this team to succeed and will ensure it does, starting by trying to cripple gem and joel. He and Tango go in and steal anything they can carry, they may have triggered a trap and rolled a Nat 1 on deception when gem and joel returned, but all in all it was a fruitful trip.

After affirming that the Tuff Guys will stick together, he's given Ethos mace and promotions to use it wisely. Of course, as all wildcards are active weapons aren't the only way you can hurt other teams, he also feeds pearl the wrong information so she gets trivia wrong, and is swarmed by angry bees.

After this some relaxation is in order and so he goes to Scar and after handing over his spare boots and a frankly pathetic attempt from Scar to convince bdubs to kill tango, he's let on the rollercoaster of fun. He somehow manages to almost fall off and die. How.

OK back to murder, he sees his sights on Gem, tuning invisible with his powers and aiming to mace her. He misses every shot and Gem doesn't even notice. Pathetic.

Hey, at least he got yo hit etho with it in the end.

And as Bdubs flees from Cleo as they kill his dogs, he finds himself in the spider nest with Grian and Joel. Tango, below him, shoots a wind charge at grian… and accidentally hits Bdubs.

After all the reaffirmation of trust and reconciliation, still the Tuff Guys fall to each other's hands. The irony is poetic.

6 remain.

Tango

Tango spends a good portion of the session gearing up his mates, creating a cow spawner for them and joining Bdubs in fobbing gem, including destroying her own cow spawner.

Aside from that he spends all session just trying to survive and help his team, oh and joining in the manhunt for Joel but everyone was doing that.

And at the very end, Tango got Robotizised.

He heard Etho say he was being abandoned, he ran back to tell him he wasn't, but he couldn't hear him.

He called out for bdubs, but couldn't find him. He was distraught when he killed him and he'll never know.

How fitting that this team in particular would fall to a lack of communication.

Tango scales the mountain, unsure of what to do, and is shot by Joel.

5 remain.

Pearl

Pearl is ready for some bloodshed. She's all for killing the Bammers and Family with Creakings, even if both attempts fail miserably.

Reconvening at the old base, Pearl realises she has the mace power and drags Scott away on a murder camel to mace gems face.

She misses like all but two shots. It's pathetic. Only Gem was rooting for her.

OK, but maybe she'll do better when they hunt for Joel, swooping in to Hotguy him with her flight power… or maybe she'll miss that too.

And then Impulse dies. And Pearl is lost. Unsure of what to do, she and gem TRY one last time to reconcile, and it goes really well! Even if Joel is actively trying to kill her.

But then gem dies. And Pearl is even more lost than ever.

With nothing to lose, the three remaining Final Gals strom Bam Mountain. Pearl tried to get the jump on Joel with an ender pearl and… Falls 5 feet and is one shot by grian.

Well, she died as she lived

Pathetically.

4 remain.

Cleo

Yeah if you've noticed the segments getting shorter, that's because I've already mentioned what most of everyone did. Cleo spends most of her session just helping there team gear up or answer trivia.

She has a cowboy duel with Bigb and Torments Jimmy and Joel with creakings. That's something

Oh and at the very end she summons basically all the servers as Zombies and orders them to kill Gem.

Unfortunately they're all on 4 hearts and have no gear and Scar straight up didn't listen to her so Gem became vex food instead.

And yes, that means that everyone but Tango, Bdubs, Joel, Grian and Gem were all on the Final Gals team at some point since cleo considers the Zombies to be team members

Anyway, she gets stabbed by Joel.

3 remain.

Martren

Something happened to Ren. As he merged with martyn last session, the DNA stayed in his genome. He became a DNA abomination of the class WL-8, known as Martren.

But, was it an accident? Or did be just want to keep martyn around? To never lose him again? Ren came back to save martyn, a man no longer puppeteered by forces beyond their control, to cure the evil that had placed in his heart… but yet it remained, because martyn was always this way to some extent. Always ruthless, always dangerous. And in tye exact moment ren came to terms with this, martyn died. In front of him. Again. After that, why would he ever let him go, even if it meant losing himself?

Anyway, enough being overly dramatic, that's Ren's job! And he does it very well, managing to act out the idea of a man split between bloody vengeance and a desire for friendship perfectly.

Everyone else isn't a big fan of Matren tho, ujderatanvle, this is the weirdest shit ren has ever pulled by far.

Despite being a literal monster, Martren does well for himself, making friends with the tuff guys, Jimmy and The Gs, being fully geared up by the latter

Ren also acts out a meeting between Martren and The Undead Martyn. Which like dam imagine fusing with your pseudo wife and then their Reanimated corpse says he doesn't recognise you and insults your face. I definitely wouldn't go camel boarding with them after that, even if it was to kill Joel

But, as he and the gals stormed Bam mountain, the fire of the beams proved too strong for martren.

At least now he may finally rest.

2 remain.

Grian

Grian starts with a tentative alliance with the Tuff Guys being formed, in which he promises to 100% never try to kill bdubs again.

Yeah he tries to kill bdubs again later in the session. Plops a TNT minecart right in his tower. I mean he's somewhat remorseful, so I guess that's something.

He has no remorse for Jimmy though. He's desperate for him to die. He tries to sneak attack them, but is distracted by running into Impulse and his team. Through, later he is able to rig the Bam-Bunker to explode. Now his family isn't too pleased with him blowing up there only allies, but not much they can do about it.

The especially can't complain as Grian repeatedly saves Joel, such as when he teleported him out of the fray when the entire server was hunting him, nearly at the cost of his own life.

In the end, grian promotions his life to joel as the two of the stand on Mumbo Tower, preparing for war.

But as the dust settles and their enemies lay dead, there is no sacrifice from grian. He tried to shoot Joel down where he stood.

But in the end, there is only one way Grian’s story would end

Like skizz

Like mumbo

Falling to the ground.

1 remains.

Joel Toretto. The Chariot

How fitting is it that the member most Wild, most aggressive, most dangerous, would win Wild life?

And how ironic is it that the only reason he does is by being none of those things?

Across this entire season Joel has been passive, even as Gem was starting drama or Etho was betraying him or people were trying to kill him, he never took action. He stayed with his family, in his ugly car, and simply lived.

This session is no different, he saves Jimmy from a ravenger, he takes gem caving, he refuses to go after Scott. He never takes action. Only reaction.

In other seasons, he'd have gone red early, killed have the server and died by Scott's hand in a Blaze of glory.

But here, by not provoking anyone, he was finally able to win.

He Barely even fights. He turns Impulses snail invisible and hits cleo and ren and few times, but that's it.

Even when the whole sever chases him down, he doesn't engage because it'll he did he would be surrounded and killed. Any beast, no matter how dangerous, can be slain. But you cannot kill what you can't hit.

In a way Joel's journey here parallels Scott's win more than anything he did in any other season. An honurable man never backing down, but never raising his sword.

And so it is Joel who is able to walk down the corridor, to face that red door with everyone watching, and walk into destiny

Unfortunately he himself built destiny, so the trap fails and he looks like a goober.

But hey, finally Joel Toretto can ride off into the sunset in that great big car.

No more players remain. This World Is dead

Until next time.