#jesters monologues

[jesteraunt]

I HAVE NOW OPENED COMMISSIONS !!

[Plain Text: I have now opened commissions!]

DM me on tumblr to place your order; My Cashapp will be given in DM and my Ko-Fi is here!

[patopq]

low effort jester autism creature

[c-kiddo]

(tmn as weird little teenagers au) ik cads got rly good insight most of the time but based on the evidence of king dwendal and eadwulf being weird and rude to him and him not getting it either time i will say unfortunately he would so get bullied without realising it

[habitual-creatures]

Don't call me that. I don't care, just don't call me that.

I don't want to be here, I can't. I don't care to know, I don't care what happens. Just don't call me that.

(He's now holding his head in his hands)

-Mystery guest

(Yeah portraying how you handle severe stress through a character definitely is something. I tend to repeat phrases, clutch my head while shaking it, and just move frantically. So, that's what Jester is doing. Also the HABIT monologues are awesome)

DON'T CALL ME THAT... DON'T CALL ME THAT.

YOU GONNA BEG, RABBIT?

GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO, JES...

DOES IT UPSET YOU? DOES IT REMIND YOU OF POOR LITTLE KEVIN?

DON'T WANT ANYONE ELSE USING HIS NAME FOR YOU, DO YA?

YOU'RE A FUCKING COWARD... JUST LIKE HE IS.

AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME STOP. YOU GOT THAT, JES?

...

OH... BUT WOULD YOU RATHER I USE A DIFFERENT NAME?

I CAN THINK OF ANOTHER.

[ REGARDS, HABIT ]

[millaneyy]

@uwwullesss IF THERES A MOD FOR THIS WE NEED TO FIND IT

[cupcaketrickster]

in some ways upon first glance jester feels like she might know just who this man is and that thought was one that filled jester with dread. she’s seen so many people like him at the chateau dressed in fine clothes, bright wonderful colors, most of the time trying to hide something. certainly percy’s were far more clearly worn, weathered than other's she has seen ( though it certainly looked more real than certain lord's she's seen, which filled her with a certain joy ), but actually talking to him was beginning to prove her initial impression to be false, then he says something which completely shifts her perspective again.

@xbadnews says ‘ excuse me. I have to go make a scene. ’ and violet eyes go wide, the tiefling literally jumping once or twice in excitement.

" do you want help?!? can i help?! oh i have so many things i can do to help! what are you making a scene at?! " her eyes tear away from his for a second as she looks about, trying to figure out just where he was going and the commotion that certainly ( or at least she hoped ) would soon be at hand. " so i can like... make your voice louder or something. " oh so many tricks sit up her sleeve, oh so many possibilities, but what is not wavering is her want to try and assist.

[sunnywalnut]

Me to everyone else: you are loved. You are important. You are awesome. You are valid.

Me to myself: damn bitch you really got all that sad to yourself now don't you? Fuck off. What do you even NEED all that for??? There's a fuckin shortage out there you know!

[margueritedaisies]

If ya throw money at him he'll do a synchronized jig. Now I wanna draw him in that Stanczyk pose. He pretty much male Pomni here

the april Fool

[hotvintagepoll]

LAST POLL OF ROUND 4

Danny Kaye (The Court Jester, The Inspector General)—Danny Kaye, idol of my childhood, maker of the weirdest faces! This man SETS HIMSELF ON FIRE and then puts himself out in a bucket in a movie based on a Gogol short story. In the same movie (Inspector General), he flirts by playing a carrot as a musical instrument. In Wonder Man, he's brilliant but struggles with things like riding buses. I have been envious of his fake Italian/French/German/Spanish monologues in The Court Jester for the past three decades. As Walter Mitty, he is SUPREMELY SILLY yet also somehow manages to be a comic foil for none other than Boris Karloff. All this is to say nothing of The William Tell Song (TV, thus not linked, but great.) I adore him.

Donald O'Connor (Singin' in the Rain, Francis, Call Me Madam)— LOOK AT HIM. Those giant blue peepers. Those tappy tappy little feet that don't quit. The ears that stick out like little wings, ready to lift him up to goofy heaven. The way his face contorts into the strangest yet most endearing expressions. His ability to sing and dance alongside the hunk that is Gene Kelly and yet pull all attention away with his big-eyed buffoonery. The way his energy is unmatched in songs like "Make 'em laugh" - bouncing off the walls and tumbling through the air straight into my cold cold heart. Who else but a true scrungly lil guy would sit upon the witness stand and defend a talking mule with all the love and affection in the world - staring out into the court room with his bright wide eyes and eternally mouse-like expression, openly admitting that the mule is his best friend?!??! I see him and I want to pull him from the screen into my hand and just squiiiiiiiiiiiiish with all my might. I want to pinch his cheeks and have him bat those eyes at me. He just makes me go "eeehehehehehe" every time I see him and his silly little self. He is pure chaotic, ridiculous, scrungly perfection!

This is round 4 of the contest. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. If you’re confused on what a scrungle is, or any of the rules of the contest, click here.

[additional submitted propaganda + scrungly videos under the cut]

Danny Kaye:

He's so stupid. I love him.

Donald O'Connor:

My silliest little guy. My funnyman. My horsie. I have watched many a bad movie for this man. The scrungliest fact I know about him is that he was supposed to star as Danny Kaye's role in the iconic White Christmas (1954), as he had known Bing Crosby since he was a child, but couldn't because he caught a mule disease while working on those Francis the Talking Mule films Universal endlessly made him do. I wouldn't exactly recommend those movies, but Don's character getting psychologically tormented by a sardonic mule does make for quite a good movie night, if you know what you're getting into. Are You With It? is another one I don't exactly recommend, but it does open with Donald as a math genius actuary who is about to kill himself over a displaced decimal point before getting taken in by a traveling carny instead. His more well-known and beloved roles have plenty of scrungliness too, in my opinion. This man slapsticked so hard he wound up bedridden for his physical exertion! Rather than submitting Make 'Em Laugh, which the electorate has likely already seen (I hope), I'm submitting an underrated dance number of his, where he explains maths through tap dance. That movie is Not good, but god do I love him in that role.

I think it's arguably very scrungly to seemingly be a real life cartoon character made out of rubber, as proven by how slapsticky the list of scrunglies is so far. In which case, Donald O'Connor? He scrungles supremely. He even played Buster Keaton in a movie (that apparently can't be recommended, but still).

[jesteraunt]

do simon/brador have a ship name or can i just draw them maiming each other and people will understand

[patopq]

Okay i am actually cooking something up but if i hype myself too much ill end up not finishing it so actually im not cooking anything, i burnt the kitchen down. Theres nothing there. Shut up

[mediumgayitalian]

"I'm so sorry for your loss."

"Solace, I am going to strangle you."

For someone to claim to have absolutely no Apollonian talents outside healing, Will has an exceptional proclivity for the dramatics. If it weren't for the slightest, barest, most miniscule twitch in he corner of his mouth, Nico would have believed his ruse wholeheartedly.

Instead, he watches that tiny little twitch and the deliberate, sympathetic tilt to blond eyebrows and rolls his eyes as hard as he can.

"You really have my deepest sympathies!" Will insists. He tucks his hands behind his back, glancing down at the ruined, crushed brownie making home in the grass, next to the brazier. "It's -- a tragedy, really. So young, so fudgy. Taken from us too soon."

"You have a lot of gall for someone so close to a fire."

"The last camp brownie of the month, too. Squashed on the grass. It's a metaphor, really. For life."

"Oh my gods."

That cracks him, and he smiles, shoving it down as quickly as he can but Nico sees it, because he isn't fucking slick, because he is an irritant and annoying and an all around pain in his side who has better things to do than taunting Nico about a stupid freaking brownie, but he is not doing these things because he is a doofus. Of the highest magnitude. A doofus with very big blue eyes that sparkle ever so in the evening sun and a very delicate Cupid's bow, that is still fucking twitching.

"You should give it the proper rites," says Will solemnly. "Here, I'll help."

Before Nico can stop him, or strangle him, he drops to a crouch, his own plate of food falling forgotten by his feet, and scoops the brownie chunks in his large hands. He fishes a napkin out of his pocket, smoothing it on his thigh, then lays the brownie ever so gently upon it, picking out the blades of grass and covering it carefully.

He holds out the napkin-shroud.

"O Prince of the Dead, Seer of Rites, Guide of Lost Souls, I pass this Fudge Brownie Supreme onto thine most capable hands; grant, take her, and with great care, bring her to the gates of Hades, so that she may be judged, against the lightness of her heart, and brought to the gardens of Elysium; paradise."

"Are you done."

"No." He clears his throat. "For mine own healer hands could not bring her back to the warmth of the Earthen light --"

"Oh my gods."

Nico watches, with his own two working eyeballs, gobsmacked, as Will begins to glow golden from the palms of his hands, enveloping the brownie corpse in strands of gentle sunlight.

"-- and so I entrust her, O Reaper Junior, O Pipsqueak of Pluto --"

"That's enough."

Faster than Will can stop him Nico tears off a chunk of his shirt, wraps it around the tip of his sword, and plunges it into the fire. Will shrieks and, wisely, bolts; in milliseconds Nico is gaining, now-flaming swords inches from the dumbass's neck, cussing him out in every language he knows one decibel louder than Will's screaming for help.

None comes.

As is life at Camp Half-Blood.

"Okay! Okay! I was joking! I'll never call you Pipsqueak again --"

Immediately, Will starts wheezing, neck swelling with splotchy red hives, and Nico has to take a moment to hold his flaming sword to the side and drop his face in his free hand. He prays to his father for strength. His father, more miffed about the blasphemy than the blatant disrespect of Nico's honor, gods help Will's soul, does not respond.

At Nico's pause, Will falls to his knees.

"Please," he begs, or with his swelling tongue more says pdease. He clasps his hands together, brownie falling to the ground. "Spare me! I'm too pretty to die! Or, at least, I'm too pretty to die by flame! Have mercy on me and stab me lightly in the side, so I have enough time to recite Mercutio's monologue as I bleed out!"

"I wanted to stab you twelve percent more with every word."

"That's what, almost five hundred percent? Surely that is enough for the rage to become funny again. Jester's privilege. I must be spared."

He waves his clasped hands again for emphasis.

Nico's mouth twitches.

Godsdamnit.

"You are the most annoying person in this camp, you know that?"

Will counts seven seconds after his sword is sheathed, just for insurance, then jumps to his feet, beaming.

"Really? Only camp-wide? Aw, you do love me."

His allergic reaction immediately begins to subside. Nico flushes. Will pounces upon his moment of weakness and slings a stupidly long arm around his shoulders, pulling him close enough that Nico's can't flail away or sucker punch his way free.

"I love you too," he says, pressing a smacking kiss to his cheek with a mwah! so loud it echoes from the lake to Half-Blood Hill and causes four separate eavesdropping Aphrodite campers to faint, fanning their faces. Nico's face goes so read his vision starts to swim.

"Your death will be slow and public," he promises darkly.

Will's mouth twitches. "Whatever you say, Death Boy."

[jester-writing]

ahhhh carry on then

hello, raconteur. your legacy rides on the tails of those you’ve promised clemency. yet you lie low without a hint of apology or respect, you run away from your clients, and aren’t your listeners your best friends? you are weak, pathetic. you remain just as desperate for power and praise as you were when you were first bound by human skin. i abhor you. i want to see your fingers drip the blood you sought. sure, it’s paultry. but it is a sort of payback. and really, that is what i seek. —♦️

Wghat? huh?

[iamespecter]

If I made every single idea I had for a tadc au real I think everyone would hate me because so far I got:

- Another sci-fi au where the circus crew are neo-techwear cyberpunk hunters hunting down abstractions (also the rough concept for what is now known as the Lifeline AU)

- A steampunk-ish Wild west au where Pomni is an outlaw and Caine is the local sheriff. They go from enemies to lovers and their ship name is "Showdown" lmao

- A steampunk vampire hunter AU inspired by the Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Slayer movie where Caine trains the crew to become expert vampire slayers

- A lowkey crack, not-even-treated-seriously Aladdin AU where Gangle is Princess Jasmine, Zooble is Aladdin, Jax is Jafar, Kinger is the Sultan, Ragatha is the head of the royal guard, Pomni is Gangle's handmaiden and Caine is the Genie (Gangle, Jax and Zooble end up in a poly relationship. Because I ship these three.)

- A Detective story where Caine is a Noir Private Investigator hired to solve Kaufmo's murder and everyone is a suspect; but he spends too much time monologuing and everyone keeps telling him to shut up about his "internal thoughts"

- A human AU separate from Reunion where they're online streamers. Some of them are gamers, some are influencers and etc.

- A post-apocalypse au where Pomni awakens from a cryogenic pod to find her memories missing, and only Caine on a screen to accompany her. Together, they scour the overgrown city, in search for other survivors and hopefully, get some answers.

- A Steampunk AU where the gang is on a blimp, in search of "adventure".

- A crack self-aware AU where the Digital Circus cast knows they're just fictional characters, and as such, when the audience focus is not on them, they do whatever shit they want imaginable

- A Helltaker AU where Pomni ventures into a circus hell to get some demon gals for her dream harem.

- A singular roleswap concept where Caine and Pomni switch positions, making Pomni the new ringmaster, and Caine the new jester. Everyone else stays the same. Both realize their new positions suck hard ass and try to find a way to get things back the way they were because this is not just it girl

- Another roleswap concept, but this time; everyone retains their original personality with no changes.

- A Dark, toxic showtime AU, where Caine stalks an escaped Pomni and makes her irl existence a living hell in every way possible, so she'll have no choice but to go back and be entirely dependent on him

- Digital Artists AU where everyone goes to a digital art school. Caine is the one teacher that eats paint. All the AIs are staff/teachers.

- Archaeologist AU where everyone struggles to prove most myths are real. But then they find Caine, a mysterious, limitless being of unknown origins that was "mummified" and kept locked for unknown reasons. He offers to be their treasure guide, if they let him have fun. Chaos ensues.

- A Night at the Museum AU where Pomni is the newly hired night guard facing the horrors of museum collections being alive at night

- Crack Spy AU inspired by Johnny English and The Kingsmen. Everyone sucks at being a spy. They should all just quit ngl but the pay is good and they technically still do their jobs in the end, so-

- Steampunk Pirates AU where Caine is the Captain. All hell breaks loose as the crew tries not to go insane.... or get scurvy.

- A robot-fighting human AU inspired by Real Steel. The digital circus designs are the robots that the circus cast has

- Urban Legends AU of Caine documenting and trying to prove the existence of mythological creatures, and tries to find a way to establish communication or even befriending them.

- Dark Hearts AU inspired by my own oc au concept

- Fantasy sci-fi AU similar to Arknights

.... yk, I think the one-shot collection could house some of these stories actually, would be a waste if these were thrown into the deep recesses of my mind to be forgotten because I know I've already forgotten some

[leonw4nter]

(Second) Prettiest Fairy Princess

Dad!DI!Leon x F!Reader

“Say ‘bye’ to momma!” Leon beams as he holds his daughter, Aurora– or Rory, as you two lovingly call her.

“Bye momma!” the little girl in his arms beam. One hand wound around his neck and the other raised up, a tiny hand waving at you.

You say your own share of byes too, pressing a kiss to your 4 year-old’s cheek before giving Leon his own kiss to his lightly chapped yet still pink lips. You get in the Uber Leon picked up for you, shutting the door and heading to the mall where you will be having a girls’ day with Helena and Hunnigan, your former coworkers. Despite retiring because you were going to become a mother, you still stayed close with the two.

As soon as the car is no longer in his sight, he heads back into your shared home. Rory asks to be put back down so Leon does as she wants, bending down with a slight groan and making sure she’s standing upright before he lets go and bends back up, another groan escaping his mouth along with the faint pops of joints. My age is definitely catching up with me now, he thinks to himself though he doesn’t mind if it’s you he’ll be aging with.

“Daddy! I want to play!” Rory excitedly says as she takes Leon’s hand with her tiny ones and drags him to the stairs, heading for the direction of her room.

“Alright, alright, kiddo. Let’s head up, no?” he asks with a pleased smile. There’s dishes waiting in the sink and laundry waiting to be folded but they all could wait if it means spending some time making his daughter smile. The sight of his daughter’s grin and the gold wedding band that flashes a bright gold beam whenever the sunlight hits it is something his former self didn’t think he could ever experience. Back in ‘98, he was certain that the farthest length of meeting the greatest love in his life and starting a family would stop at dreams and wishful thinking but he was wrong.

He didn’t even realize they had reached the top of the stairs as he almost trips, engrossed in the sweet monologue he had going on in that head of his. His daughter’s tiny arms push him into the pastel yellow and pink room before shutting the door and proceeding to yank out tutus and tiaras from a toy basket.

“Sit.” she sternly says as she points to the carpeted ground right beneath Leon’s feet. Not one to disobey a lady’s orders, he promptly sits down with crossed legs and looks at her with genuine interest. Not too long after, Leon is dolled up to look the part of “a pretty princess for a tea party but you’re only the second prettiest because I’m the first one”, which earns a small laugh from him. Even to himself, he's second to everything because he always keeps his girls at first.

Rory hands him a small mirror so Leon can see the sparkly splash of pink, green and orange on his eyelids as well as the most pink blush he’s ever seen. His lips are the brightest shade of red ever making him look real goofy but if it means making his daughter’s day, he doesn’t mind; she’s the princess and he’s just the jester (and the occasional knight in shining armor). She swiftly puts her own play make-up on, her own lids smeared with different sparkly shades of pink and her lips in the same red shade as Leon’s.

“Your highness, let me get the tea and cookies.” she says in a wonky British accent.

“Alright, my beautiful princess.” Leon says, though he doesn’t put on a fake accent.

“Daddy, no! You’re supposed to also say ‘and please give me the sugar plum tea’! Again!” she says with a hand to the hip, dropping the accent.

“Okay,” he softly mutters with an amused smile. She definitely got the sass from her mother. “Alright, my beautiful princess, please give me the sugar plum tea!” he repeats.

She smiles brightly and excitedly announces that it’s coming right up. She walks out of the room, occasionally coming back in to take some more cups, plates, spoons, and bowls. Wait? Bowls? The princess is putting her heart and soul into this so-called “sugar plum tea”. Because the princess was brought up with manners and polite etiquette, she served Leon some cookies and cakes as he waited, along with a Beanie Baby that her uncle Chris got her (insisting it’s a snack, providing no further explanations). Playing along, he loudly made chomping sounds while she walked out of the room and busied herself with the tea. After a few minutes, she walks back inside with a tea pot and tiny cups filled with water.

“Sorry to keep you waiting, madame. My chef ahem is new to the kitchen so I had to tell him how to prepare tea the princess way,” she apologizes as she sets the cup in front of Leon with a complementary saucer.

With a sharp eye, he looks at the water and sees that there isn’t anything floating on the water; the water doesn’t look cloudy too and it’s impossible for her to have gone downstairs and taken water from the dog’s bowl so he deemed it safe to drink. After all, she did exert some effort into actually “making” the tea. He hooks his fingers in the loop of the tea cup, making sure to emulate the sticking out pinky finger just like Rory is doing before taking a sip. “The water doesn’t have an odd taste. Okay, she definitely wasn’t fooling around,” Leon quietly observes. He gives her a bright smile, complimenting the tea and calling it “the most delightful beverage to ever tickle my taste buds, a true drink fit for the prettiest princesses in this kingdom”, which prompts the little girl in front of him to giggle and start complimenting the “chef” who prepared the “tea” (the “chef” is, in fact, the Djungelskog that Leon got for you when you were 6 months into the pregnancy and very much emotional every time you saw the bear at IKEA’s window or online site). Apparently the chef is French and has worked with Barney and the Little Einsteins, according to her. This entire moment is too silly and wholesome so Leon decides to take a selfie, making a mental note to send this to you later on.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

The tea party carried on for a few more minutes until she got drowsy, prompting Leon to get up and carry her over to her bed. Grabbing a few sheets of wipes, he removes the eyeshadow and lipstick on her face before unclipping some clips from her hair and taking her tutu off. It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep and Leon picks the toys up, pouring the water out of the pots and cups and wiping them dry before putting them back in the basket. He takes this chance to finally get back at the chores waiting for him but not before he sends the picture to you. Opening the app and choosing the contact named “my Y/N”, he sends a short message asking how you are and detailing the sweet playtime he had with your daughter along with the picture. After an hour or two, he finally finishes doing the chores– even sweeping the floors and polishing the dining table, as well as bathing the dog. He gets in the shower and freshens up, remembering the tender moment hours ago and finding himself smiling wider each time.

─────────────────────────────────────────────────────

It’s now quarter to 6 and Leon finishes setting up dinner just as the bell rings. He practically skips to the door, his face lighting up with joy when he sees you. He takes your bag and slings it over his shoulder, undoing the strap of your sandals and asking about how your day went. As you step out of them, he takes the heels and places it on the shoe cabinet and puts your bag on the couch. Rory jumps off of the couch, excitedly walking over to you and hugs your legs with the brightest smile you’ve ever seen. She tells you about her and her dad’s day, tiny hand gently holding your wrist as she leads you to the dining table for dinner. You were just about to reach over a piece of food and cut it up into smaller pieces for her when Leon places a hand on yours, telling you that he’ll do it.

“C’mon honey, you were out walking all day. Just sit and have dinner, I’ll do it this time,” he softly says. You don’t argue against him, letting him do the cutting. Rory does all the talking, which you are thankful for since your social battery is nearly drained.

Dinner tasted amazing as usual and now your entire family is in the living room, watching The Little Prince on the TV. What Coco does to Leon, The Little Prince does to you; you’ve never finished the movie without shedding a few tears and laying on Leon’s shoulder for some comfort. Though you both know it’s a movie that has you reduced to tears, you still choose to put it on because not only is it genuinely good, it’s a movie Rory loves. While waiting for the movie to finally load, a question pops up in your mind.

“Sweetie, where’d you get the water for your tea from?” you ask. Leon doesn’t mind, probably guessing that she got it from the water bottle you forgot to bring downstairs in the morning.

“I got it from the fish tank!” she beams. Your smile swiftly drops and your head turns to Leon; you swear you’ve never seen the color drain that fast from his face. The movie finally loads but Leon feels slightly off, the food in his stomach making him feel a little odd. He’s that weak for his little girl; he’s a seasoned agent trained to read people by their mannerisms but his daughter’s devious giggling made it past his normally highly-perceptive gaze.

NOTE - I whipped this fic up right after @agent-dessis-posts asked me if I write dad!Leon and I immediately got that burst of motivation. There was this book called "Make A Wish" that I read around mid-November and the dad matched ID/DI!Leon's description so the whole time I just pictured that version of Leon whilst reading and it was AMAZING (the dad in the book is a single dad to a nine year old which made it even more amazing for me). Anyways, you guys seem to really like my fics which I appreicate a lot so thank you so much!!! I'll post the directory to my blog soon, I'm just making things look cuter :)

The heart dividers are from @cafekitsune , the images are made by me (sourced from Pinterest).

[yukidragon]

I just stumbled across a song that reminded me of that old theory that Sunny Day Jack never actually cared about MC at all. It even fits the vibe that he was only trying to be everything they wanted and win their love in order to take over their life so he can live again.

I mean just listen to those lyrics. There's even a line about the villain being a jester! It's so evil Jack coded.

Yes I know clowns and jesters aren't the same thing, but the vibes man, the vibes.

Just imagine this song being sung after the big reveal, likely after the classic villainous monologue that no one will ever be able to reach MC again. This time he is gloating to MC for foolishly believing in his "love." He captured MC's heart and now they can never be free.

Man, I can imagine learning Jack's love is all a lie would absolutely destroy so many MCs, especially after Ian already broke their heart and betrayed them so badly.

Of course this doesn't apply even remotely to Sunshine in Hell, not even in the Bad End AU, since Jack is so, so down bad for Alice that he would never even think of manipulating her heart or hurting her.

I might not want to write about Jack being so heartless, but I'm sure this song might offer some motivation for someone who wants to explore a darker "love" story with a truly evil version of Sunny Day Jack. Have fun~!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps