#jeremy clarkson quotes

[mids-stupid-shit]

"I've broken Stalin's house" - James May in Top Gear: The Grand Tour (2016)

[hurtcomforted]

"It's really difficult to know, working with you. Things like this, is it ambition or are you a lunatic?" - Ice, at Mav, at some many points, definitely

[thepersonalquotes]

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Jeremy Clarkson

[thepersonalwords]

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Jeremy Clarkson

[quotelr]

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Jeremy Clarkson

[snowboyclarkov]

Incorrect Dialogue: Top Gear AI -> Beyblade Burst

I saw an AI generated parody of Top Gear recently and had the galaxy-brain idea to convert the dialogue of Clarkson, Hammond and May in that to a weird discussion between Beyblade Burst. Slight dialogue changes to fit the switch in cast. Fictional site made up based on a real one just for this.

--------------------------------------------------

Shu: Now, it is time to do the news.

Lain: I've got some sad news. Arthur microwaved my pet hedgehog and let's just say, it's very dead.

Gwyn: I'm so sorry Lain. When is your brother's funeral?

Lain: Gwyn, you weapons-grade yandere, this isn't a laughing matter. Harry was my best friend, he was always there for me, and now he is an exploded pile of guts all over the kitchen worktop.

Rashad: Have you heard about the website where you can pay respects to your lost hedgehog?

Lain: No. What's the site called? I'll get it up on my laptop.

Phi: I think it's XHedgehog.com.

Lain: *Screaming.*

Lui: Fucking got him, Phi.

Pax: Wait... is that my sister?

*Pax's phone ringing as he calls Pri.*

Pax: Why is R34 of you on the internet?!

R.I.P. Harry.

Also, an extra bit about the prototype of the Beyblade-based art I'm currently doing. Try and guess which bladers are going where.

[steadfastpetrel]

Worth Existing (or, Frank Webster Gives Keegan An Existential Crisis)

been busy this semester, but have a reflection comic I got away with making for an information history class! it's rambling, but i had some fun digesting my thoughts.

image descriptions from alt: The title page contains the title “Worth Existing, or: Frank Webster gives Keegan an existential crisis.” In front of a mirror, Keegan stands with their back facing the viewer as a reflection of them as a librarian looks back worriedly.

Page 1 features a sequential cartoonish sequence of Keegan’s head rolling and landing on his shoulders. He says: “Finding out how we’ve come to view our information society has been a ride. My pea brain can only fit so much, ideas only roll vaguely when I try to talk about what I’ve learned, but I’m at least seeing things from new eyes. More specifically…”

Dialogue continues on Page 2, 3 panels sequentially zoom in on a horrified Keegan. She says, “I’m seeing how much Frank Webster hates libraries.” The quote from the book she’s reading is as follows: “Moreover, library staff have benefited disproportionately from the establishment of these services, being provided with secure and pleasant (if not lavishly remunerated) employment. Why, one might ask, does the public purse need to support the likes of Agatha Christie and Jeremy Clarkson when their books are readily available for cheap purchase and their literary merit, still more their intellectual and uplifting qualities, are at best of minor significance. Such observations raise questions regarding the efficacy with which public libraries actually operate. It follows that a driving force behind their establishment and continued state support, the appeal to mitigate the inequalities of capitalism in the informational domain, seems to have been less than fully effective.” End quote.

Page 3 has Keegan looking with hands clasped, paused. They then look at the camera, asking “Did the dude just insult Agatha Christie?” The bottom has them lying on their bed, looking up at the ceiling in thought, saying “There’s something that just bugged me ever since I read that chapter. I never really understood the theory we talked about in class, it’s a skill I’m working on, but the weird beef he has with libraries at least gave me a vibe on ‘Hayekian Neoliberalism.’ And also how weird it is that capitalism got so far into deciding what’s worth existing. If the thing I wanna do with my life is worth existing.”

On Page 4, Keegan walks with his crutches as the dialogue continues. “I could go on for hours about all that sucks with Webster’s opinions! Of course I want the staff to ‘disproportionately’ benefit from their work. Unlike books, people have to eat! What’s ironic about Webster’s whole spiel about the efficacy of libraries is that he provides several examples of figures from his area heavily aided by libraries. Panels feature novelist John Banville, author Jeannette Winterson, and sociologist Richard Hoggart. Keegan continues and says, “And yet he goes on to be like…”

Page 5, a sock puppet speaks angrily: “People are getting free books and are hurting the poor bookseller! Libraries are stupid because it doesn’t miraculously fix the inequalities of capitalism!” To the side, the text says “Artist’s exaggeration. Don’t take this seriously.” Bottom panel contains Keegan pointing with her thumb at Frank Webster’s Wikipedia page. She says, “I wouldn’t be so hung up if this was some random guy, but considering this guy is so largely quoted and touted in my field of information sciences? Ouch obviously doesn’t cut how much all that stung.”

Page 6 contains an Asian man with a bun protesting banned books. The next panel contains a white woman with a turtleneck reading in a library as a winter storm brews outside. Keegan off-screen says, “While Webster calls libraries ‘censors of society,’ librarians are fighting vehemently against book bannings! And the way he says that public libraries are ‘captured by the better-off section of society?’ Like what, you’re going to ignore how libraries act as comfortable spaces for folks without housing during harsher months?”

On Page 7 a gavel bangs on a panel. “As if that’s not enough, publishers are suing libraries for distributing e-books, calling them ‘direct economic competitors’ when, if anything, they often support these publishers and their authors by buying multiple copies, hosting events and collaborating with local businesses.” As an example, the comic features a scene of a Black woman in a cardigan talking to a white cashier with a shaved head. She says to them, “I just read this at my library earlier and just needed to get my own copy! Can’t believe it took me this long to discover this author!” A panel below, a pair of hands scoops sand and watches it flow from their fingers. Keegan says, “I don’t know. Even in good company, it sometimes feels like the future is slipping through my fingers.”

Page 8 is a pillar of falling sand. Embedded in it is an Apple pencil, a floating feather, and a book. Keegan narrates, “As an artist and a writer, it’s wondering if I’ll be prioritized over a generative AI that doesn’t have to eat or sleep. As a birder, it’s wondering if the backyard visitors I always see at my feeder will end up as myths and taxidermied specimens. As a librarian, it’s wondering if the institutions I often called home will be felled by the swift axe that the invisible hand holds. It’s a weird feeling of perpetual free fall for a drop that is light years away.”

Page 9, Keegan is holding a book to the sky as they read it. They narrate “Learning is a language I’ve always used to make sense of the thoughts I’ve had swirling in my brain. Finding out ‘information capitalism’ was a thing was like learning about the leash that has pulled at my throat since I entered the schooling system. I am learning because I am not a person, but a tool to be put to a trade. The world around me whispers in my ear…”

“Feel wonder if you must, but don’t linger long enough to turn in something too late.” On page 10, Keegan lies on a grassy field looking up with the book on his chest. He narrates, “I can’t deny that’s a message hard to unhear. As of now, I don’t think I remember much before 2022 other than the grades I got.”

On page 11, a hand wipes a bathroom wall with a sponge. The bottom of the page is filled with floating bubbles. Keegan narrates, “This sounds silly, but I was in tears when I heard about the concept of degrowth this past week. It could’ve been the clorox I was using to clean my bathroom, but the toil of my body and mind must’ve come to some crashing conclusion when I listened past what we were assigned.” The quote goes, They’re essentially making the argument that if we stay on this growth path, the only end to that is, you know, our own extinction. They are not just saying it’s not possible. They’re also saying it’s not desirable. It’s the kind of life that you and I ultimately do not want. We don’t want to drown in just stuff. We want to have a life. We want to have time for each other. We want to have time for creative thinking and art and love and kindness.” The quote ends. It comes from Vox’s Blame Capitalism: Degrowing Pains and is spoken by Dirk Phillipsen.

On page 12, Keegan sits in the bathtub with a few tears. Narration goes, “It was just nice that someone smarter than me in this topic wants the same things I do. Time to live and space to breathe. I know it’s not a perfect solution, but it’s one of those moments that culminate to tears when you’re having a rough week. This time, it was the reminder that this doesn’t have to be all there is to it. That there were people echoing my heartfelt belief that the system that tears down those I love doesn’t have to stay.

Page 13. A frog and toad book. “One-sided beef with Frank Webster aside, this unit has bolstered my love for librarianship. As hastily made and rambling this comic went, I realize I feel this strongly because I love this field so much. Against all odds, even as the internet grew to commodify knowledge, libraries adapted to the best of their abilities for their patrons. Why should some British dude make me wonder if libraries will continue to exist? As depressing as learning about capitalism gets, it’s helpful to understand the hand that takes from you. To understand why and how I’ve always been hurt by the systems that be and make sure I can lighten the blow for those who come after. I’ve learned there’s a lot that can come out of being so sad and scared about the future. Sometimes drawing it out (even if you turn in a late assignment) reminds you that there’s still so much ahead. That, and the fact I should probably read Frog and Toad sometime. So, uh, I’m gonna do that now. Bye!"

The references page lists several sources: Frank Webster’s “Theories of the Information Society.” An article by Brewster Kahle called, “The US library system, once the best in the world, faces death by a thousand cuts.” An article by Rachel Kramer Bussel called, “How Libraries Help Authors Boost Book Sales.” And a podcast episode from Vox’s Today Explained hosted by Noel King, titled “Blame Capitalism: Degrowing Pains.” end descriptions.

[ambitchousbutrubbish]

It's my 10 year anniversary on Tumblr 🥳

*Jeremy voice* bloody hell…

10 years seems like a lifetime ago for me. I moved across the world back to my home country, and Top Gear as we knew it had come to an end not long after. Then we got The Grand Tour. This blog went crazy as I spam posted about both shows, cool cars, and of course Clarkson, Hammond and May. I’m glad I have a space here still to freak out about it, and that others appear to resonate with it lol.

Ok, what the hell, here’s my life story with Top Gear if anyone cares;

I started watching Top Gear in 2012 when my boyfriend at the time gave me all the episodes from his hard drive, and I watched them over and over. New episodes premiered since then and I watched them too, I remember when I was away on holiday and went back to my room to watch Tom Hiddleston as the star in the reasonably priced car as soon as it dropped lol.

Top Gear became a comfort show for me during my lowest times, making me laugh when I felt like I couldn’t. It made me miss my home country even more because it was undeniably and unapologetically British. When I finally moved back and started again, I had no friends for a while. So they filled the void, whenever they did the news or squabbled over cars, it felt like listening to banter with friends. When they were raging and screaming during challenges, I laughed and felt like I was in the passenger’s seat along for the ride. When they’d go to different countries, it made me fall in love with those places. I still really, REALLY want to go to Vietnam because of Top Gear, they really captured the beauty of that country. Hopefully one day I can go there and see it for myself.

Idk man, I love these three idiots, and their crew for giving us the entertainment. They didn’t have to go this hard on (( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)) everything they do, but they did that for us, and I am very, VERY grateful for that. This show still cheers me up, I watch it on iplayer now (cos some of the files on my hard drive no longer play lol) and it’s given me a lot of writing inspiration as well.

Hopefully I get to meet the guys one day, or at least one of them, just to say thanks for the pokey little motoring show that gave that lonely and depressed 17/18 year old girl some hope and laughs. 30 year old me still quotes it, and I still laugh like I’m hearing it for the first time.

I hope this doesn’t sound like a goodbye post, cos it’s not. Lol, I’m not very active on this blog anymore, or on tumblr in general on any of my other accounts, but I’m still around popping in every now and then to shitpost.

Thanks for reading this far anyway if you did :) I hope my experience resonated with some of you

And on that bombshell,

Goodnight!👋 (I am actually writing this at night lmao)

[eaglesnick]

“The Trouble with denial is that when the truth comes, you aren’t ready”.. - Nina LaCour

It was pitiful watching the self-opinionated Jeremy Clarkson cringing when confronted by his own statements concerning how he intended to escape paying inheritance tax by buying up agricultural land and a farm.

Jeremy Clarkson was flustered and confused when he was interviewed by a BBC reporter during the farmers’ protests in London yesterday.

She asked him if he was angry on behalf of farmers to which he replied:

“Its difficult to be angry on somebody else’s behalf.”

She replied:

“So its not about you, its not about your farm, the fact that you bought a farm to avoid inheritance tax?”

Shaking his head and waving his hand the embarrassed Clarkson went immediately onto the defensive.

“No No. Classic BBC there. Classic. Oh yea…its not the fact….the fact that I bought a farm to avoid inheritance tax...the fact?

Sometimes attacking your accuser deflects attention away from yourself, sometimes it doesn’t. On this occasion it failed miserably.

Clarkson squirmed and wriggled like a worm on a hook when the reporter, answering his demand for “the fact”, quoted the Times article in which Clarkson had said.

‘Land is a better investment than any bank can offer. The Government doesn’t get any of my money when I die. And the price of the food that I grow can only go up.”

Of dear Jeremy! So quick to condemn and attack others for what they have said and done but so reluctant to accept responsibility for your own words and actions. Not exactly a character trait to be admired.

[billconrad]

“I Don’t Believe What I Write”

    For those unfamiliar with Jeremy Clarkson, he is an outspoken, brash, offensive, and controversial man with so many health problems that he should have been dead ten years before he was born. He is also responsible for Top Gear, one of the world’s highest-rated television shows. Plus, a newspaper columnist, author of several books, and now hosts the Amazon Prime show Clarkson’s Farm.

    Over the years, Jeremy got into trouble by striking a producer and commenting negatively about the royal family. This resulted in his termination from the show Top Gear and The Grand Tour. Yet, his brash mind has also provided many words of wisdom:

    Ambition is a very dangerous thing because either you achieve it and your life ends prematurely, or you don’t, in which case your life is a constant source of disappointment. You must never have ambition.

    I don’t think I am particularly funny. In fact, I know I’m not.

    Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.

    I’ve said it before and I’m going to say it here again, now. Nothing brilliant has ever resulted from a meeting.

    Flirting is the oil that lubricates the engine of ingenuity and wit.

    We waste an enormous amount of time making decisions based entirely on this fanciful notion that we like alternatives.

    The rules of war, then, have always changed as a reaction to the conflict that’s just been fought.

   A book needs more than beautiful sentence construction, a left-wing take and wry observation. It needs, more than anything else, a story.

    The problem is that social media, which is seen as the pulse of the nation, is actually nothing of the sort. It’s the pulse of the young and the idealistic.

    The faster you go, the more time slows down. This is a scientific fact. I spend my life driving quickly, which is why I have a 1970s haircut.

    I wanted to discuss this quote: “I don’t believe what I write, any more than you believe what you say (about the Iraq war).” It is from a discussion with Alastair Campbell, a British writer, campaigner, and strategist. He served as the Prime Minister’s official spokesperson from 1997 to 2000.

    It is important to remember that Jeremy earns an income by making pompous statements intended to be offensive so that the viewers/readers find them entertaining. To do so, the quote confirms that he does not necessarily believe his own words.

    Our society thrives on shock because it creates discussion, change, and problem awareness. For example, the group PETA uses pictures and protests with scantily clad celebrities to promote their cause. Their goal is that the people seeing these erotic scenes are shocked into thinking, “Wow, I should not eat meat.”

    Jeremy’s quote points out the flaw in shock value. Taking the prior PETA example, do these famous people walk around in their revealing outfits all day long to promote the PETA cause? No? Yet, they still (occasionally) pose for the pictures, just as Jeremy makes occasional bold statements.

    My writing is at the other end of the spectrum. I am morally obligated to write what I believe in, which means not having shock value. Yet, there is a significant inconsistency with my factious stories. For example, I have an immortal female character. Living forever breaks medical principles, making this character impossible. So, how do I believe my fictitious words? I must take a leap of faith.

    At the beginning of every book, I clearly state that my book is fictional. From that point forward, I am free to passionately write a story that does not follow a truthful narrative. Yet, this is not precisely the point Jeremy was making. Take this article. I researched the topic and worked hard to convey my thoughts accurately. Still, it is an opinion.

    What if I did add some shock, just like Jeremy? Readers would probably enjoy a little spice. The answer is that Jeremy’s personality is far different from my own. I welcome readers to enjoy my words and would feel bad if I offended them. This leaves lots of room for shock creators like Jeremy to occupy that space.

    I conclude that Jeremy’s simple statement embodies what it means to be a shock creator. For them, lying is not a big deal. However, to maintain sanity, such people must not believe in the lie. It’s called entertainment for a reason.

    You’re the best -Bill

    October 23, 2024

    Hey, book lovers, I published four. Please check them out:

   Interviewing Immortality. A dramatic first-person psychological thriller that weaves a tale of intrigue, suspense, and self-confrontation.

    Pushed to the Edge of Survival. A drama, romance, and science fiction story about two unlikely people surviving a shipwreck and living with the consequences.

    Cable Ties. A slow-burn political thriller that reflects the realities of modern intelligence, law enforcement, department cooperation, and international politics.

    Saving Immortality. Continuing in the first-person psychological thriller genre, James Kimble searches for his former captor to answer his life’s questions.

    These books are available in softcover on Amazon and in eBook format everywhere.

[tfemultiversenewsletter]

One of the sparkling in my facility accidentally got exposed to Topgear and he is now endlessly pestering Knockout with all the quotes, how do I stop this before he finally have enough and Jeremy Clarkson me like a cheap boring car?

Have you tried getting the sparkling to watch Bluey? Sorry but if you need extra help you can talk to the daycare @tfdaycare

[webbywalker]

Things in my F1 DR

Okay so, I have been on a fix with my F1 DR and thought that I would share with you guys some things that happen and other little details.

To preface: I have not yet shifted to this DR but these are just things that I have scripted; I have scripted that I drive for Porsche F1 (replacing HAAS) and have an OC as my second driver; also, SV5 is my mentor/father figure/sponsor and I am the godmother of his kids

Lmk what you guys have scripted, I would love some more F1 shifter friends!!!

I currently live in Monaco but are renovating an Italian farmhouse

Jeremy Clarkson is our Team Principal??? (Still debating this one lmk what you guys think)

Seb’s kids always want to watch my races but they have no idea about time zones so if a race is happening during their bedtimes, Seb just records the race and plays it during the day and they think that it is live

I go on the Screaming Meals podcast and the boys (James, Clement & Marcus) dress up in dresses without telling me.

One of the drivers gets me a inflatable dinosaur suit for Secret Santa before the Abu Dhabi race (I have been talking about getting one throughout the year) and I walk around the paddock in it for fun.

Sebastian tells Lewis to keep an eye out for me when he can’t be there and he (Lewis) becomes like an uncle

My radio checks are almost exclusively quotes from movies

When I get super drunk I start talking in fluent Latin and my friends call it the “Exorcism Stage”

I can solve a Rubik’s Cube in under 20 seconds

I got my Bachelor’s Degree in engineering just for fun

My teammate and I do an advertisement/video for Uber (one of our sponsors) where we become Uber drivers in Porsches and deliver food (in our race suits and everything) and we turn it into a competition to see who gets the most clients

When I went to school in the UK (Same school as Lando) I lived with the Norris family and Lando is now like a big brother

Logan, Oscar and I were all roommates whilst at Prema together

I filled in for Charles Leclerc at Ferrari at the 2022 Silverstone Grand Prix (I scripted that he got sick and couldn’t race) and the protestors came on to the track just as I was going around and I said over the radio “Are they trying to be compost or something”

I don’t have a social media presence before joining F1 but have to have one as a part of my contract, but then I get my account access privileges revoked after a bunch of PR incidents

My teammate and I find a couple of those Razor indoor go karts and race them around the office

So yeh, that was just some of the stuff so far. Might do a part 2 if you guys want!?

[jerseydeanne]

People getting worked up about Jeremy Clarkson's apology clearly don't know Jeremy Clarkson. By issuing a public apology weeks later, is to keep his words in the news. All the news coverage has quoted his initial article and is reminding people that Meghan is a disgusting shameful person. It also continues his brand recognition as un-PC and there's a lot of people out there who really support that. It's a masterclass and he's been doing this a very long time.

Thanks for your opinion, anon.

[aestheticvoyage2024]

Day 26: Friday January 26, 2024 - "Curry Night"

I worked all day long and then went out for a cold plunge in the pool - when I came back in, I found William sitting on the floor reading Mama a book...not that he knew any of the words, but it was one we'd practiced enough times to where he knew the drill of point and name. The idea wasn't lost on any of us - William had gotten a book and was going through the motions of reading it himself, as Audrie cooked diiner. Which - was the second best part of the day, behind this precious scene. Earlier she had asked what I might want for dinner and I thought we had settled on take out, Chinese or maybe some Thai.... letting did I know, as I groomed out the last hours of a hellacious work week, she had decided tonight would be a Curry special. No take out needed when the best curry in town comes straight from your own kitchen. These are the days of my life.

Song: Lua Flora - Burnout

Quote: "Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, thats what gets you." ~Jeremy Clarkson

[quotelr]

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Jeremy Clarkson

[aiautos]

Top: Jeremy Clarkson's "Roving" Block of Flats Middle: James May's Space-Age Capsule Golf Bottom: Richard Hammond's Bizarre Bazaar Cottage Truck

In this alternate universe, new episodes of Top Gear featuring the original trio were not the only thing differentiating it from our universe. Certain episodes of the original series also went slightly differently one of which was the popular "Campervan Challenge" episode from season 15. While the events of the episode followed a largely similar path as the ones in our universe, the cars the hosts built used some wildly different bases. Clarkson decided to stick with his "Block of Flats" idea, but he used a Range Rover instead of a Citroen. The car was wildly unstable and back-heavy, and he ended up having to fill the front with sandbags and rocks to keep the front suspension on the ground! James went with his "Space-Capsule-Thing" similar to the one in our universe, but with a VW Golf instead. This time, he actually managed to get some professional engineers to help him with the construction, and the capsule on top actually had a sturdy construction and features like windows and not covering up the fuel flap. Finally, Hammond built an "Expanding Cottage," but out of an imported American Cadillac Bazaar! He managed to get the cheapest running and driving one he could find, but at the expense of a giant rusty hole in the floor, as well as as broken A/C (some things never change, do they?). Our interdimensional Wave-O-Matic can’t record full broadcasts, so we weren't able to record the episode. However, like last time we were able to capture some great quotes for you to enjoy:

---------------------------------------------------------------- Clarkson: "Tonight...I wear a jacket...Richard wears a jacket...and James wears a jacket." ----------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------- May: "You've got a bloody hole in the bottom of it! How are you going to drive it with that tetanus pit down there?"

Hammond: "It's...weight reduction." ----------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------- Clarkson: "Look at us, cruising down the motorway, our home right behind us. Nothing could be more convenient than thi-

(The whole car begins to tilt backwards. In a panic, Jeremy slams on the brakes.)

Clarkson: "As I said, nothing could be more convenient than this." ----------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------- Hammond: "Clarkson get out of the waaAAAYYYYY!!!"

(A loud crash can be heard)

Clarkson: "Oh my god, HAMMOND! YOU BLITHERING IDIOT, YOU'VE RUN INTO MY HOME!" ----------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------- Clarkson: "And what's going to happen when you need to take a poo?"

May: "Well, I've got this."

Clarkson: "That's a plastic shopping bag, James."

May: "I know." ----------------------------------------------------------------

---------------------------------------------------------------- Clarkson: "And on that bombshell,"

(A gust of wind comes by and blows all of the panels from Richard's Cottage off of the cliff and into the sea.)

Clarkson: "Goodnight." ----------------------------------------------------------------