#jenny lind changing table

[twola]

Devil's Backbone - Owanjila II

Pairing: Arthur Morgan x FemOC/Reader POV Tags: Longfic, Slow Burn, Smut (18+), Violence, Canon-Typical Injuries

Limpany’s burning was a lot more than meets the eye. Deception, greed, and murder follow everyone touched by Leviticus Cornwall. A story where the Van der Linde gang gets even more inescapably involved in Cornwall’s dealings, with the survivor of the massacre at the heart of it all. Slow burn. Pre-Blackwater and beyond.

Owanjila II: A Path Laid Clear

The gang regroups at Owanjila - but recollecting themselves after the abject failure of Blackwater is more challenging than first perceived.

CW: Injuries, death, traumatic stress, panic attacks

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Smoke curls upward through the pines, wafting away into the morning breeze as if it never existed. He blows another cloud of smoke skyward, sighing as he glances through the branches overlooking the small glen, its disturbed dirt obvious on the hillside.

Lenny sits on the ground, back against the trunk of a pine tree, an empty bottle hangs limply in his hand. He stares at the dirt - far too recently dug and far too much resembling the shape of a body. His eyes, bloodshot, seem far away from this place - distant in their muteness, their sadness, their grief.

“She was a sweet girl.” Arthur’s low timbre rumbles.

Lenny doesn’t respond, his eyes still trained on the ground.

“They’re makin’ a tombstone back at the camp for ‘er.”

The boy nods slowly, and Arthur rubs his forehead beneath the brim of his hat before plucking the cigarette from his lips and tossing it to his feet, where he crushes it underneath his boot.

“C’mon kid. Ain’t gonna do you no good to be drinkin’ yourself into the ground next to ‘er.” Arthur steps closer, holding out his hand for Lenny to take. Lenny takes it, and Arthur pulls him to stand, he stumbles slightly, but regains his balance within a step. He drops the empty whiskey bottle to the ground, it rolls a few feet downhill. 

Lenny sighs, his shoulders falling. “Didn’t even tell her how sweet I was on her.”

Arthur nods, staring at the dirt - the pile of earth that was all that was left of Jenny Kirk. Poor girl. So full of energy and life and spark. She died as the camp was moving north, bleeding out in the back of a wagon.

He sighs, placing his hand on Lenny’s shoulder. “C’mon now.”

Lenny nods, sadly, looking back over to the earthen grave for a moment before turning away and silently following Arthur back toward the camp.

-

“There’s nothing I can do for him.” You sigh, looking at the ground. Susan Grimshaw frowns, but places a hand on your shoulder, squeezing lightly.

“I know, Missus Shaw. Best we can do is make him comfortable.” She says without a hint of the sharpness her voice usually has.

The two of you stand just outside the tent erected as a makeshift sick bay, and since you’ve arrived atop Arthur’s stolen horse, you’ve been assisting Susan and Abigail in changing bandages, cleaning wounds, and salving burns. While most people were able to escape Blackwater with minor injuries, Davey lay in a cot with a raging fever, having taken a shot to the gut that had become infected over the two days since the failed heist.

You rub at your eyes tiredly before ducking back into the tent, where Abigail grimaces as she pulls back the stained linen bandage over his stomach, wet with a clear sheen, his skin reddening in deathly spiderwebs from the wound. Davey winces at the movement, groaning out in pain, his fingers clutching at the side of the cot. 

“Ruth, go get the Reverend. At this point, we just need to ease his pain. I’m sure the man has some morphine on him.” Miss Grimshaw moves past you in the tent, taking a linen cloth from the small tin bucket on the side table, wringing it out, and placing it gently on the man’s forehead as he moans.

You nod, exiting the tent. Surveying the campsite on the hill of the large lake, you wince slightly as a pain shoots up your side. Ever since you and Arthur were thrown from Boadicea three days ago, the pain and aches in your side have only grown. But you don’t have the luxury of slowing down. Not amongst this group. Not when people were injured and dying… not when you’ve sold a fair part of your usefulness on your small medical repertoire.

Off a ways from the tent, you see the hob-knob lean-to where some of the men have taken up - usually where the old man only known as Uncle was, Reverend Swanson was not far behind, the two of them usually holed up with bottles of hooch getting blitzed while the sun was shining.

Speaking of which, you spy the old man sitting against a tree trunk. Your hurry in that direction.

“Uncle - do you know-” You step toward him.

“Why, if it ain’t the lovely Missus Shaw. Want to join me for a drink? The hooch is miiighty fine this morning!” Uncle shakes a half-empty bottle at you as he reclines against a tree trunk.

“No- no thank you. Do you know where Reverend Swanson is?”

Uncle snorts, rolling his eyes, he points the bottle towards the lean-to, where you look in and see a pair of feet just within the shade of the tent. You step over Uncle’s outstretched legs, sighing, and move over toward the tent.

“Reverend?”

You’re met with no response.

“Reverend.” A little louder. A little sterner. Your patience is growing thin.

“Wha- wha d’ya wan-?” Swanson slurs from within the tent, making no hints of moving.

You stoop down on your knees at the opening of the tent, a lance of pain going up your side, and you swear under your breath. 

“Do - do you have any morphine on you, Reverend Swanson?”

Swanson looks at you with a suspicious air around him. You can tell he’s intoxicated - but he is certainly still functioning, sitting up within the canvas.

“No, Missus Shaw. I do not.” He says, narrowing his eyes at you as he moves to crawl out of his tent and stand. 

Cursing under your breath again, you stand up as the Reverend crosses his arms.

“Reverend please, it’s to ease the man’s pain before he passes-”

“It don’t matter no more, Ruth.” 

You turn around to see Abigail walking toward you, she stops when she sees that she has your attention, “Davey’s dead.”

You sigh, running your hands down your face. You step over Uncle’s splayed leg, joining Abigail on the walk back to the sick tent. As the two of you approach, Grimshaw exits the tent, wiping sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand.

“I’ll go tell Dutch. You girls go on and clean up. I’m sure he’ll have the Reverend bury the body.”

Abigail sternly nods, turning to you, “Do you mind beginning? I need to check on Jack. Feel bad that Hosea’s been stuck with him the whole time.”

“Of course, go ahead.” You say as Abigail touches your arm in thanks, and you duck under the canvas of the sick tent once more, the air heavy with the stench of death.

You sigh and begin collecting used supplies - linen bandages, empty bottles of tonic - and tossing them into a pile at the end of the bed. Several minutes go by and Abigail and Susan wordlessly join you, the matriarch of the group rebuttoning the shirt on Davey’s cooling body and pulling the blanket from the cot. Outside the tent, people start to gather, the word traveling fast in this campsite on the hill.

Dutch pulls the hat from his head, closing his eyes and setting his jaw. He turns to see who has gathered here: several of the men, nearly all of the women. His eyes settle on Swanson, who has stumbled his way over to the group.

“Reverend. Bury Davey. Somewhere the sun’ll shine on him. Bill, Javier - assist the Reverend on this.”

Nods and grunts of affirmation are met in return, and Dutch surveys the group - outlaws and thieves, brigands and highwayman - these people, living on the fringes of a society that doesn’t accept them - scorns them even - they look worn down, beaten, scared.

“Look, I - I know it's been hard. Lord, do I know that. But we’ve been in these rough spots before. We’ve lost good men,” Dutch looks at the women on the periphery of the group, “and women, but that can’t mean that we stop. If we stop livin’ the way we do, that means the forces that want us dead-” He pauses, looking at the group and all of the sets of eyes upon him.

“That means they’ve won. And we will not let them win. We won’t let them take our freedom, or our dreams, faith, ideas. We won’t let them take any of it. We do the taking.”

There are a few rumbles of agreement at the end of his speech, and Dutch breathes out heavily. He nods his head back toward the tent, and the three men he addressed earlier step inside.

Dutch sighs, rubbing at his temples as Bill and Javier carry Davey’s body from the tent, wrapped in linen sheets, with a suddenly sobered Swanson following behind them. The Reverend paces toward one of the wagons, grabbing a shovel from it and quickly following the two men as they take the body away from camp.

The silence is nearly deafening. 

Arthur slowly makes his way toward Dutch, standing at the entrance of the medical tent. The older man glances inside at the empty cot, while you and Susan and Abigail move about the tent, pulling together soiled linen, and medical supplies, and clearing the space for its next occupant, with the way things were going, someone was bound to end up there soon.

“So... Do you think it was a trap? In Blackwater?” Arthur asks as he runs his hand down his beard, taming errant stray hairs as he lines his jaw. He stares down at the ground, his eye on a rock under his boot that he kicks at absentmindedly.

“That many men? Oh, they knew we were coming. Goddamn Pinkertons. Blackwater was overrun with those prim-suited bastards.” Dutch sneers as he stares ahead, his knuckles popping as his hands pressed together.

You freeze, in the middle of throwing dirty, bloody linen bandages into a bucket. Right outside the tent, you can hear the conversation between Arthur and Dutch, with the leader of the gang railing on about how the Pinkertons must have known about the ferry job, that someone slipped up, there were just too many of them.

“Ruth.” 

Grimshaw’s voice cuts through the stale air of the tent, and you shiver slightly, coming back to your senses. The woman holds out a stained bandage, waiting for you to take it.

“ ‘M sorry, Miss Grimshaw. Mind just went away for a second.” You mumble, taking the linen bandage and tossing it into the bucket at your side.

Her stern brow softens slightly. “Go on and get some air. Don’t think we have any more dirty linen to get rid of. Might as well burn it at the scout fire.” 

You nod, picking up the bucket and placing it on your hip. You wince as the pain in your side flares, hiding your discomfort from the women in the tent by turning around quickly, gritting your teeth against the groan welling up in your throat. 

Pushing through the flaps of the tent, you come face to face with Dutch, who looks over from gazing down the hillside to the lake. Arthur glances up also, before looking back down at the ground, placing one of his hands on the buckle of his gunbelt.

“Thank you for what you did for him, Missus Shaw.”

“It wasn’t much.” You mumble, unable to keep eye contact with the man. Your thoughts immediately return to what you heard the two men talking about - the Pinkertons in Blackwater. Dutch going on about how many Pinkertons were in Blackwater.

You walk past the two men, eyes on the ground, praying that they couldn’t tell there was a cold sweat breaking out at your temple, down your neck, down your back. You’re praying that they don’t ask you why you look pale - hoping that they think your demeanor has to do with the man who just died in front of you, rather than the truth.

The Pinkertons were in Blackwater for you.

And you didn’t say anything .

People are injured and missing and dead because you didn’t say anything .

All that’s left of sweet Jenny Kirk is under a pile of dirt on a hillside. Davey Callendar was about to be covered in cold dirt as well. Mac and Sean, who knows where they were or if they were even alive. John and Charles swathed in bandages.

You make it to the scout fire and Micah grumbles some off-handed greeting you refuse to respond to. Dumping the used linen on the fire, you watch as the flames slowly curl around the fabric as the pile begins to burn. You place the bucket on the ground and move to walk further away from the camp as your heart continues to race uncontrollably.

“Don’t go too far out there, Missus Shaw. Bears and wolves would love to eat somethin’ small and sweet as you.” Micah drawls with a mischievous glint in his eye.

If Dutch finds out you’re the reason that there were more lawmen in Blackwater during the heist and people died because of it…

You’d rather take your chances with the wild animals.

-

“What the hell happened out there?”

John lights a cigarette behind cupped hands and breathes out heavily, watching the smoke’s tendrils float between the needles of the pine he stood under.

“It… it went south. Dutch shot a girl… in a bad way. Then there were more damn Pinkertons there than…”

Abigail crosses her arms over her chest in exasperation, “Christ, we got Pinkertons after us?”

“Abigail. It's fine. We got away.” John replies, trying to calm the woman down before their conversation fell into the argument it was always bound to be.

“John-” Abigail sighs, rubbing her forehead, “We - we got more to think about than…”

A high, female cry breaks the hushed voices of John and Abigail, the former of whom grabs Abigail and quickly ushers her behind him, hand on his gun. He peers around, looking for the source of the noise. He and Abigail had purposefully stepped farther from camp, to keep the inevitable argument between themselves, for once. 

“There, shit!” Abigail curses, pointing over John’s shoulder, ducking out from behind him and running in the direction she pointed, further south on the hillside, toward where the lake edged the mountain cliffsides. 

“Abby-!” 

It was only a moment more until he saw what she was running toward, a figure leaning heavily against a tree, in obvious pain.

“Ruth!” Abigail calls out, coming steps closer.

“Hey - hey, what’s wrong, are you okay?” Abigail slowly edges toward you, hand timidly reaching out as if you were a skittish dear.

You pant, your breathing heavy as pain shoots through your side again. One of your hands, white-knuckled, grasps at the trunk of the tree to steady yourself. Tears stream from your eyes uncontrollably. Clutching at your ribcage, you moan, voice high in pain, sinking to collapse on the ground.

“Shit!” Abigail yelps, running the rest of the way over to you, falling to her knees next to your crumbled form. 

She presses on your side and your eyes fly open as you scream in agony. 

“John, John, get over here!” Abigail turns back toward where she and John had been arguing, and for once, the petulant man did not put up a fight, striding quickly over to the two women on the ground.

“We gotta take her back to camp-” Abigail brushes tendrils of your hair off your pallid and sweaty forehead, “Ruth, honey, can you walk?”

Your teeth and eyes are clenched as you try to stifle the sounds escaping your throat. Abigail looks expectantly, pleadingly up at John.  John rolls his eyes back at her but pulls the sleeves of his shirt up to his elbows before stooping down on one knee.

“Alright - c’mon, up you go.”

John winds his arms beneath your knees and behind your back, heaving you up into his arms as he stands. The jostling movement smacks your ribcage against his sternum, and you swear in a cracked voice.

“John!” Abigail yells at him at your gasp of pain.

“Woman, ain’t no way to do this that ain’t gonna hurt her.” John retorts, starting to walk back toward the camp. 

Abigail follows John’s fast steps, her skirts hitched in one hand as they burst into camp.

“Grimshaw!” John yells out, stalking toward the tent with all the medical supplies. Christ, Davey's body was probably still warm in the ground, having so recently vacated the tent.

Tears continue to roll down your cheeks as John tries to jostle you the least amount possible, but his efforts are in vain as you whimper, each step jolting through your side.

John ducks into the shed, with Susan quickly following, tuttering like a mother hen. 

“There - on the cot, yes, gently, please, Mister Marston.” Grimshaw moves around John quickly, guiding him to lay you on the cot. He does, unlacing

“Thank you, we will take care of her.” Grimshaw nods, moving to grab at the bottles of tonic on the table.

John simply grunts in reply, moving to leave the tent. As he dips to step out, he comes face to face with the mother of his child, his one-time paramour.

“Thanks, John,” Abigail says lowly, eyes darting past him to where you lay on the cot. She looks back up to him, guiltily, “I’m… I’m glad you’re alright after Blackwater.” Without waiting for a reply, she pushes forward, into the tent, to assist Miss Grimshaw.

It's in a near whisper, and he almost has to strain to hear it. Bewildered, he looks back at her figure, eyes remaining on her a second longer than he knows they should have. 

John leaves the tent and nearly stumbles into the towering frame of his adoptive older brother, built like a brick house. Under his black hat, his mouth is pulled in a tight line.

Arthur narrows his eyes, “Marston.”

John does not feel like having one of Arthur’s ‘talking downs’ now. He steps past the older man, “Morgan.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Arthur nods toward the medical tent.

“Could be dyin’ for all I know. You’re the one who’s been around her the most.” John retorts, not turning around as he moves further away.

Arthur turns and stares at the flap of the tent, and the canvas shifts ever so slightly in the breeze.

-

“Ruth, dear, Ruth, what’s wrong, what happened?” Miss Grimshaw asks, trying to get you to calm down, stifled sobs wracking your small frame.

She looks up at Abigail, “What happened to the girl?”

Abigail shakes her head, “I don’t know…”

Grimshaw shakes her head, “Well - come on now, looks like somethin’ on her side.” She waves her hand toward you and where you squirm in the cot.

Abigail stoops down on her knees next to the cot and sighs as she reaches toward your torso. You groan and try to squirm away from her hand as she grasps at your shirt.

“Ain’t no time for bein’ embarrassed,” Abigail mutters as she begins to unbutton your shirt, your chemise becoming more and more uncovered. You are in so much pain at this point you can barely do anything but whimper with eyes squeezed shut as the woman above you starts pulling on the fabric of your chemise, untucking it from your skirts and pushing it up your torso.

“Jesus Christ…” Abigail mumbles, then turns her head toward Susan.

“Wha-” You gasp as she presses her hand against your ribcage, and pain sears up and down your side.

Miss Grimshaw quickly peers over Abigail’s shoulder. “God - how did that happen?”

“Wha-“ You grimace again, “What is it?”

“You definitely have some broken ribs there, Ruth. Your whole damn side is one ugly-lookin’ bruise.” Abigail says, quite manner-of-factly.

You suck air in through your teeth as another deluge of tears spills from your eyes.

Grimshaw frowns. “Let me get her something, poor girl.”

The older woman leaves the tent for only a few minutes, coming back with a half-drunk bottle of whiskey and a dirty glass. Abigail stands from where she was kneeling next to the cot, her lips drawing into a tight line. She turns and storms out of the tent, narrowing her eyes when she finds the target of her ire lurking a few steps away.

“Arthur!” She yells, stomping toward him, catching him off guard as he smokes a cigarette. She reaches him and stands right up in his personal space, completely unfazed by how foreboding and fearsome the gunslinger looks.

“The hell you let happen to her?” Abigail sticks her finger in Arthur’s face accusingly, “The poor woman’s probably got broken ribs and her whole damn side is one big’ ol bruise.”

Arthur pushes her hand away and scowls. “I didn’t do anythin’ to the woman. Probably got it when we were bucked when Boadicea got shot.”

Abigail’s furrowed brows soften at the revelation, but the glower remains as she breathes loudly through her nose before stomping back into the tent.

Arthur steps closer to the medical tent and can hear your soft crying from within as Abigail murmurs something. Grimshaw exits through the canvas flap, holding a now-empty bottle of whiskey. Her sternly-set eyebrows do not falter as she takes Arthur in.

“She should be fine. Surprised she was walking around with injuries like that. A week or two of rest and she’ll be back to herself. Y’dont need to worry bout her.” Susan remarks, moving past Arthur.

“I ain’t wo-”

“Mister Morgan, you best remember I’ve known you since you were a boy. You’re an excellent shot, but I know you’re a terrible liar.”

Arthur glances back at the tent as Miss Grimshaw walks toward the center of camp and Pearson’s wagon.

Through the barely open canvas flaps, he can see your still form laying in the cot - the cot so recently occupied by people who were now dead.

-

A few weeks later…

-

“Ginseng, actually. I know it's not the most delicious of brews, but it certainly helps.”

You sit on a folding chair in the shade - your side still giving you some pain, but time to rest had made it more bearable. Hosea took it on himself to be your nursemaid - though more time was spent retailing tales of old days than anything else.

You thank him quietly, reaching for the cup that he holds out to you. A murky liquid swirls in it, unappetizing to say the least.

The sound of horses' hooves breaks through the quiet of the afternoon. A few hoots and hollers, and from the north, the men who had left before the sunrise burst back into the camp, Dutch leading the crew atop his snow-white stallion. Arthur and Javier, Bill, Lenny, and Micah all thunder back into the camp. 

Hosea glances back to you, handing you the cup he was holding. “If you’ll excuse me, my dear - I’ll be back.”

You nod, taking the cup and sipping at it slowly. As Hosea walks away, you cringe at the bracing drink, close to spitting it out.

The elder outlaw continues down the hillside, where the men and horses have gathered from their outing. Hosea adjusts the brim of his hat against the sun.

“I’m guessin’ by the mood you were successful?” He asks Dutch as the leader swings down from his mount.

“Successful, old girl?” Dutch chuckles, “I would say more than that. That ranch on the way to the train station? It was an O’Driscoll camp.”

Hosea frowns. “Colm’s that close?”

“Not anymore he ain’t.” Bill sidles up with a grin, “Arthur over here was able to nab one, some lilly-lickin’ fool.”

As if on cue, Arthur grunts as he walks by, a bound and gagged man over his shoulder. He tosses him to the ground as if he were a heap of refuge. The man rolls over onto his back, his eyes wide and fearful. 

“Eh, looks like Colm’ll take just about anyone these days.” Hosea looks over the man with disdain.

Dutch claps Hosea’s back, “Indeed he does. Has a lot less now,” He turns to Bill, “Mister Williamson, go on and show our guest how hospitable we are to O’Driscolls.”

Bill smiles with a heinous gleam in his eye, He yanks the man up from the ground where Arthur dumped him, and starts dragging him away. 

“Dutch, should offer the little widow a shot at ‘im too - considerin’ was O’Driscolls who killed her husband.” Bill guffaws as he drags the captive toward a tree on the edge of the campsite.

“Any other ill-gotten gains from your venture?”

Dutch smiles, staring at the ground, “Ruining Colm’s day is always a gain in my book. But yes - supplies, and a lead on a job that Colm was planning in two weeks.” 

“Job?”

“Train robbery.” Arthur wipes a bit of dust from his brown leather jacket sleeve.

“Oh,” Hosea laughs, “Back to those again? Haven’t done one of those in a while.”

“Back to our roots - a return to simplicity,” Dutch says as he turns, a wide grin gracing his face. It had been far too long since Hosea had seen Dutch in such spirits - before Blackwater even. The raiding group goes their separate ways as the excitement from before dies down. Hosea looks back up the hill, where you still sit in your seat, watching the blue waters of the lake below. 

Hosea returns to his seat, the folding chair next to yours under the bower of mountain pines. He peers into the cup you hold, still quite full.

“Ah - I see you’re not a fan of the brew.”

You try to keep the smile on your face as you hand the cup back to him, a blush overtaking your features.

“I’m sorry-”

Hosea laughs, shaking his head as he sits down, placing the cup on the ground. 

“Missus Shaw.” 

You look up, shielding your eyes from the sun, squinting before a large shadow blocks out the sun.

“Mister Morgan.” You say, with a smile, “Looks like y’all were busy.”

Arthur lowers his head, his face obscured by the rim of his old leather hat. He places his hands on his gun belt and sways ever so slightly.

“Was, uh, wonderin’, y’know, after that whole run-in with the law on the road…”

He trails off. Hosea raises his eyebrow amusedly.

“Well,” Arthur waves one of his hands in the air, “If you’re up to it at some point, maybe I could, uh, teach you how to shoot.”

You snort, “Mister Morgan, are you saying my aim was that bad?”

“Well, I’m sayin’ you can’t hit the broad side of a barn.”

Hosea guffaws in his seat as you wrinkle your forehead in mock irritation.  You look at Hosea before looking back at Arthur, who looks extremely uncomfortable.

“Alright, Mister Morgan. I’ll take you up on that sometime.”

Arthur nods his head, taking his leave, “Ma’am.”

You watch his retreating figure. Hosea lights a cigarette and smiles.

-

“What are you doin’?” A small voice interrupts the methodic cleaning of the revolver set on the table in front of him.

John looks up, and frowns, making eye contact with the child across from him. A child with wild brown hair and his dark eyes.

“Cleanin’ my gun.”

“Are you almost done?”

John sighs loudly, placing the revolver on the table. He rolls his eyes toward the sky before they land again on the boy, who stands patiently waiting for attention. Not that he wants to be outwardly mean to the child, but he knows that what the boy is looking for is something he isn’t willing to give.

He looks back at the gun.

“Go on, I’m sure your mother is lookin’ for you,” John says, not looking up at Jack as he feeds bullets into the cylinder’s empty chambers.

“But Pa-” Jack pipes up, his small hands reaching toward John.

“Don’t… don’t call me that,” John says lowly, his hand letting go of his gun and taking the boy’s, gently pushing him back.

The poor kid looks like he wants to cry.

Christ, he didn’t ask for any of this. Why was Abigail so damn obstinate? Why did she keep the damn baby? Was the boy even his? Abigail was visited by most men in the camp…

John Marston didn’t know who he was kidding. Himself, perhaps, he was trying. Everyone, including him, knew the boy was his. Everyone knew that he was chasing Abigail’s skirts like a madman for a while there - they were obnoxious , according to Hosea, rutting like rabbits. Anywhere and everywhere he could get his hands on her, he had her.

Something about those sultry eyes of hers, the way her hair fell around her face when he pulled the ribbon holding her bun in place. Christ, the way she moaned his name when he slid into her….

John kicks at the ground angrily. It’s been years, at this point, since they’ve touched one another. A few times after the boy was born, once she had healed from the birth - but once he left when the suffocating reality of being a father settled in - that was the last time she looked at him with anything other than derision. 

Whatever. 

John Marston could get his dick wet if he wanted to. Wasn’t anything stopping him. Abigail sure wasn’t. They weren’t together - the extent of their togetherness at this point was the five year old boy standing in front of him.

Jack frowns, turning around and pacing away slowly, his shoulders slumped. John looks back to his revolver, spinning the cylinder to the last empty chamber, shoving a bullet in it before spinning it and locking it shut.

“C’mere, kid. How’s about we go see the new horse, huh?”

John glances over his shoulder. In the periphery of his vision, he can see Arthur Morgan leaning over, his hands on his knees, talking to Jack at the boy’s level. The boy’s shoulders raise, and he happily follows Arthur away, giddily talking up to the gunslinger.

Marston glares at the retreating figures through the strands of his long hair. The smoldering flame of frustration in his gut flares up, and he can barely hold back a snarl as he shoves his revolver into his gunbelt. 

Would probably be better for everyone if Jack was Arthur’s son. He’s much more adept at dealing with him - John knew Arthur had a son years ago, before Jack was born, but that the boy and his mother died in a robbery. 

But again, the flare of anger roils in his gut when he thinks of Abigail cozying up to Arthur and being one stupid, happy family together.

He paces toward Dutch’s large tent on the hillside, high above Owanjila. Dutch sits at the mouth of the tent, across from Hosea.

“I heard talk in Strawberry ‘bout a ranch up north in the Grizzlies. Think I’m gonna head up there to check it out.” John rasps, the char from the cigarette he just finished making his voice hoarse.

Dutch nods, not looking up from his book. He takes the cigar from his mouth and snubs the edge into the plate on the side table next to him. Hosea, sitting on a folding chair opposite Dutch, looks John up and down before giving him a wry grin. 

“Be sure you bring your coat, boy. This time of year that area can still get snow.”

John rolls his eyes as he leaves, stalking toward the horses.

[johnhuffman01]

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[jenny-kirk]

Story Time with Jenny: Early Days

Jenny had been with the gang a few months, Micah, only a few days. Since joining Miss Kirk and Mr Summers had practically been joined at the hip. Micah wasn’t the jealous kind...but his eye was already wandering.

(Jenny x Lenny- Jenny x Micah)

“UGhh, when will this day end,”

Lenny chuckled at Jenny’s annoyance as she dragged her bored self back to camp having finished her post on guard duty. Like so often, nothing was happening and there was no cause to leave camp, so standing around looking tough seemed the best thing to do.

“Could be worse. At least this way you don't have Susan breathing down your neck!” 

Huffing a smile at his remark, the girl joined the man only one year younger than herself by the splintered table. Specs of dried blood and carves from games previously played told a story across it as Mr Summers extended a lit cigarette to the girl, taking it graciously after dropping the rifle to the table.

“That is true,” drawing out a breath Jenny shook her head. “Lenny, don’t you think we should be out there more?”

“Out there more?...Miss Kirk I don’t know if you’ve noticed, you’re about the only woman here joinin’ us out there!”

“No I know but-” leaning across the table to lower her voice having glanced toward’s Dutch’s tent, “I mean, we’re outlaws. ‘N it feels like ever since I got here all them months back, we only ever wait for trouble to turn up. We should be out hittin’ them banks now, not just sitting around waitin’ for Dutch’s next grand plan!”

Lenny could only laugh at the woman’s perseverance, or stupidity. Always such a bright spark ready for a little danger. Enough to get her in a heap load of trouble.

“C’mon Jenny you’re not stupid so don't act it.” 

Smiling with a sigh the brunette stubbed the burnt out cigarette, watching as it dropped to the ground silently.

Of all those in camp Lenny was what Jenny would consider, a true friend. One who stays by your side no matter what. He was loyal, sweet, funny and being her age, easy to relate to. 

Of course Miss Kirk got on with most in camp, that was besides big old Bill Williamson and Mac. But only a few days ago, the gang had managed to pick up a newcomer. 

Having not been long within the gang herself, it was a difficult task to judge the man too solidly knowing in her experience, a lot can change in a person over a few months.

Micah Bell was a nasty one. Crude, offensive, messy and unclean. In fact he made her skin crawl. The one conversation she’d so far had with the man made her near sick to her stomach, he was unsettling and creepy to say the least.

“Hey, uh...Jenny?”

“Hm?” 

“I was wondering if you uh, that is if you....er...”

Stumbling over his words? Jenny bit back a grin. It was hardly a secret Lenny was soft on her. It made things a little awkward but was otherwise amusing. He was sweet, but too much so for her liking.... didn’t mean she couldn't have her fun still though.

“If I what?” she probed cheerfuly.

“Well I heard about this nice spot up the mountains some, if you want you could join me?”

“Why Mr Summers,” a faked shocked expression plastered the girl’s face as a hand took place on her chest, “You askin’ me on a date?”

“No! Well-n-no I mean...”

It really was a miracle Jenny hadn't burst out with the laughter boiling within her belly. It was also a miracle no one had spotted their newest recruit leaning against a tree nearby. Whittling away on a stick, Micah kept a watchful gaze on the young pair.

Despite only just joining the acclaimed Van Der Linde Gang. Micah had already demonstrated he could earn his keep through jobs. One such job surprising him greatly when a young woman joined them, fighting side by side. She held her own alright, not the greatest shot but not the worst.

Already, Jenny had managed to attract the attention of Micah Bell.

“Well. Suppose I should get to it.” Jenny broke the man’s awkwardness by standing and deciding to return to her post. Leaving Lenny to kick himself for his awkwardness and hesitation, the moment now past.

Micah on the other hand watched the girl leave, an irritation nagging at him. Of course he’d first tried it on with that beautiful Miss Abigail. But oh no, apparently she was off limits. Or so everyone said. Looking elsewhere his eyes stumbled across Miss Jenny. Naive sure, but with passable looks and courage.

Yes, she would be enough fun to make his time worthwhile.

Approaching her the blonde cleared his throat to announce his presence earning him a short glare before being brushed off back to focusing on guarding camp.

“Micah, you want somethin’?”

Sure Jenny wasn't fond of the man, who was? But that didn’t mean she’d  strive to treat him too much worse than she would others. Well, not unless he deserved it in that moment.

“Miss Kirk, yes?”

A nod yet blank and uninterested face told him to continue.

“Mh, a pretty name for a pretty little woman,”

A little discomfiting but Jenny shrugged off the cheesy remark with a glare.

“What you want Micah?” she repeated, her tone a little more tired.

“Nothing. Nothing. Just being friendly.” His hands up in mock surrender.

Fiddling with the rifle Jenny pondered as to this man’s annoyance. Did he get off on irritating folk? He’d only just joined them, what could he possibly achieve by being so strange.

“Noticed you’re good with a gun too. Rare to see that. A woman good with a gun.” Oh he was digging himself a bigger hole.

“Micah, I don’t have time for-”

“You know, If you ever get bored with that boy...it’s all I'm saying-”

Fighting the urge to turn the gun on Micah then and there Jenny closed her eyes trying to keep her temper from faltering. This bastard. Whatever he was suggesting it made her blood boil.

‘You best got outta my sight real quick.’

No she couldn't say that, she hardly knew the man...maybe he wasn't trying to be rude? Naive guess? Yup. Worth a try to test? Defiantly.

“I’ll keep that in mind,”

Her response clearly confused the older man as he stood lost, a mere second but enough to pursue a grin to the girl’s face, seizing the opportunity.

“Whats wrong? Thought you'd be as good with that mouth as you are with those twitchy trigger fingers. Guess y’can’t have it all. Good day Mr Bell.”

Jenny gave a dismissive glance watching as the figure staggered away silently with a sneer after a moment.

Disgusting as he was Jenny hoped she’d not have to bash his lights out just yet. Although, from how he was going about treating folk. It was a hope that had no chance of lasting. Some people just needed to be taught a lesson in manners.

[sj-thefan]

VII

As a child, one of my favourite weekly events were the concerts. Each Saturday would be spent getting ready to go to the Opera House. My mother would have my nurse and a ladies maid spend the morning curling and styling my hair before dressing me in my most elaborate puffy gown.

Then, after an early afternoon tea, father, mother, Victor and I would climb into our carriage and go to the show.

I would always run out of the carriage as soon as the door opened, Victor trailing behind me. We would stand in the middle of the lobby and watch all the people coming in. Some nights the Carlyles would come. Those were the best nights. Phillip would join Victor and me as we made up stories for each of the people who entered. Eventually, just before the show would begin, my parents would come over and send Phillip back to his parents. My father would pick up Victor and carry him to the seats while mother scolded me for running and other improper lady behaviours before grabbing my hand and marching us to our seats.

Some nights we would watch a singer, others an orchestra. Each time I was filled with magical music and fell into a blissful state that would last the entire night.

Unfortunately, Jenny Lind's performance did not last.

Jenny came to America a week after we returned. Many of the circus cast was fairly excited and I was too. I hadn't been to the Opera House since my mother got pregnant with Thomas and said the loud noise wasn't good for a baby's ears. For many, this would be their first show.

Lettie, Anne, and a couple of the other girls, including myself, went to get dresses for the day. Lottie choose a tight blue dress with a black belt and fingerless gloves. Anne picked a dress with a blue skirt and a sheer top with butterflies covering her chest and shoulders. She also had a blue and green hat which matched her dress. I decided to stick with their blue theme and choose a simple light blue dress with long sleeves that almost reached my wrist but a less puffed skirt then the dress I had worn in England.

As the time for the show came near I headed to the circus. Lettie, Anne, and several others from the circus were going to meet up beforehand and go all together. Walking through the halls to the front door of the Barnum's house, I passed Caroline struggling to pin part of Helen's hair back.

"Would you like some help?" I asked.

She jumped at my words but replied "Yes please," with a grateful sigh.

I moved into the room and pushed the pins into place. Helen was wearing a greenish-blue dress. I picked a green pin off the table and placed it in her hair.

"There," I said. "Perfect."

"Thank you Y/n!" Helen shouted.

"Yeah, thanks," Caroline added. I looked at her pink dress before grabbing a bright pink headband with a little bow and handing it to her.

"No problem," I said. "I'll see you two at the show."

When we arrived at the Opera House, we were greeted by Phillip. He quickly ran off to see where we were sitting. As we were waiting, I began people watching.

In the middle of deciding if a man was a secret agent or a master criminal in disguise, I spotted the Carlyles. They were nicely dressed and didn't bother paying attention to our group. Mr. Bennett followed slightly behind, taking in all of his surroundings. As his eyes glazed the room they landed on mine. He sent a small smile to me before realizing who I was standing with and turning his smile into a smirk.

Phillip returned and showed us to the standing room mumbling something about 'visibility'. I stood between him and Lettie, Anne on his other side and everyone else piled around and behind us.

The lights went down and Mr. Barnum walked onto the stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your patience. I recently had the privilege of hearing the most divine voice I've ever heard. Now, I know that sounds like Barnum humbug but I have a 100 bottles of good champagne on ice that says that this is not just another sideshow novelty. May I present, the Swedish Nightingale," he paused for dramatic effect, "Miss Jenny Lind."

Applause filled the room as the curtain rose.

Once the room was silent, the orchestra began playing and she started to sing, "I'm trying to hold to my breath, let it stay that way. Can't let this moment end. You set off a dream with me. Getting louder now. Can you hear it echoing?"

I noticed Phillip stir slightly.

"Take my hand. Will you share this with me? 'Cause darling without you."

Anne had stiffened.

"All the shine of a thousand spotlights. All the stars we steal from the night sky will never be enough, never be enough. Towers of gold are still too little. These hands could hold the world but it will never be enough, never be enough-"

I noticed Anne was relaxed and had a ghost of a smile creeping up her face. I couldn't help but wonder what was going on. I turned to my other side to see Lettie mesmerized by Jenny's song.

"-for me! Never, never. Never, never. never for me. Never enough, never enough, never enough, for me, for me, for me."

"All the shine of a thousand spotlights. All the stars we steal from the night sky, will never be enough, never be enough."

As she continued singing, a man sitting in front of us turned around and whispered to the women beside him. I recognized them immediately as Mr. and Mrs. Carlyle. I followed their gaze to Phillip and Anne.

"These hands could hold the world but it will never be enough-"

All of a sudden, Anne left the room, her smile completely gone. I gave a confused glance at Phillip and, when I didn't get a response, followed Anne.

"-Never be enough!"

"Anne!" I called. "Anne! Stop running."

"What!" she snapped. I had been chasing her and when she stopped I ran into her.

As she helped me up, I got a good look at her face. It was red and tears were slowing sliding down it. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she said quietly. Her voice was completely different from usual. The confidence which had always accompanied it before was completely gone.

"Okay," I said, giving her a hug.

"Wha-what are you d-doing?" she stuttered.

"Hugging you," I stated. "Something's wrong, but you don't want to talk. That's okay. When I'm upset, a hug always makes me feel better, so... I'm hugging you!"

She smiled and wrapped her arms around me, finally letting the tears fall.

After a few minutes, I managed to move her to a bench in the lobby. I sat there holding her hand and occasionally wiping away her tears with my handkerchief.

After a while, she spoke. "Thank you, Y/n."

"Don't worry about it."

"It's just, when he grabbed my hand and - I thought - maybe he's different. But then he let go and - and I saw these people looking at us - he's not different!"

Phillip. She was talking about Phillip. I felt a tightness in my chest.

"It's okay," I whispered as I consoled her. "Phillip- he's- well, he's new to this kind of life. He grew up like me. He learned that different is bad and that he should only be around people who were the same as him. As an only child, it was probably more enforced in him than it was for me." I looked over at Anne. She was watching me closely. I smiled at her. "I'm sure he just got scared. It's nothing to worry about."

"People are always going to look at us like that. Like we're dirt."

"Those two that were looking at you in there, they are his parents," I told her.

"Ha!" she laughed sarcastically. "Face it Y/n, Phillip and I aren't meant to be. The world is against us."

I knew there wasn't anything I could say or do to make her change her mind. But I knew someone who could.

The after-party was atrocious. All the rich families were present, excluding mine, and they were all walking around and saying things like "wasn't she absolutely marvellous" or "Mr. Barnum is quite the surprising man."

The only positive thing to happen was meeting Jenny Lind. She was very pleasant when Mr. Barnum introduced me. But our time was short as she was soon whisked away into the sea of high-value fans each wishing to converse with a European celebrity.

I was in the midst of picking up a particularly delicious looking chocolate when Mr. Barnum's voice rang out through the room.

"-Yes, yes, those are your granddaughters."

He was standing in a group with Jenny, Charity, Caroline, Helen, and two people I assumed must be their grandparents. Charity stepped forward and whispered something to P.T. before he started to raise his voice again.

"-Not here? You are afraid that I'm gonna embarrass your parents in front of their fancy friends? I really don't think that I have that power." He turned to look at the man. "An insignificant man like me... was clearly destined to lead an insignificant life."

"All that fortune and still just a tailor's boy," the man replied.

"Get out."

As the two walked out, loud laughter and shouting was heard from the hallway. I immediately recognized Lettie's laugh and ran to the door to see my friends.

P.T. beat me to the door, holding so it was blocking the group.

"Lord, that lady can sing." I heard Lettie say.

"I kno-"

"Thinks she likes a man in uniform?" Tom interrupted P.T.

"I'm sure she does. What are you doing here? You got a show in an hour, OK?" P.T.'s voice had a surprisingly accusing and rude tone.

"That's enough time for us to have at least three drinks, right? Come on-"

"No no. Lettie," he said blocking the way.

"What?" Lettie asked, just as confused as I.

"It's very crowded in here, okay? And I can't have you mingling. Who's gonna pay admission if you are out there for all the world to see." He began shutting the door. "Have a great show."

I heard someone say "Wait..." as the door closed.

Without looking at me, Mr. Barnum turned around, grabbed a glass of champagne, and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, a toast. Jenny, America may not know it yet, but they are going to love you. To Miss Lind."

I sent him a glare. His behaviour was unacceptable. He was the one who told them they were important. He is not allowed to treat them like the worthless "freaks" everyone thinks they are.

"Mr. Barnum!" I pulled him aside. As much as I was angry, I wouldn't cause a scene.

"Y/n," he said as if he hadn't noticed me when he kicked the others out.

"What was that?" He gave me a confused look. "They are people - real people - they believe in you! You better be careful, before they stop." As soon as I finished, I stormed out of the room to go find my friends.

Previous Part | Next Part

[heeydolan]

College {G.D.}

Summary: Family weekend at her sister’s college doesn’t go quite as she expected it to but Y/N is unexpectedly and completely satisfied with the outcome.

A/N: This is just a random thought that came to my head and it kinda ~exploded~ lol. There isn’t going to be a part 2 and I’m not making this a series but I do plan on doing other imagines that you could say ‘go along’ with this (it doesn’t make sense right now but it will later on. lol.) 

Warnings: cussing (???)

WC: 10.2k

masterlist

The ride to my older sister’s college didn't take as long as we expected. Mom and Dad finally took a weekend off from working at their busy law firm to make the drive to see Lindsey.

"We made a four-hour drive in just three and a half hours," my dad chuckles to himself, "impressive right, Jenny?"

"Sure Gregory." Mom replies with no emotion as she closes her laptop and slides it in the brown Michael Kors bag she always carries around. My dad has always been really laid back and goofy. He's a lawyer for the firm my family owns and my mom runs the whole place. He doesn't have near as much to worry about as her which makes her attitude towards this weekend pretty understandable.

I text my sister, Lindsey, letting her know we’re here and she confirms that she will meet us at the main building.

All three of us pile out of the car. I grab my rolling suit case and close the back of the Range Rover. I'm the only one that grabs a bag as I am staying with my sister in her dorm while our parents stay in a hotel.

We walk up to the main building and I see the banner that reads 'Welcome Family and Friends to Savannah College of Art and Design Family Weekend.'

Lindsey is attending SCAD for photography, as it has always been her passion. She's been taking pictures since she found our parents’ old polaroid when she was seven. She's now twenty and in her second year of college.

It's my senior year of high school and she has been trying to convince me to come here for college.

Art and design really isn't my thing, but when I tell her that, she still tries to push it.

"Mom! Dad! Y/N!" I hear a screech from an oh-so familiar voice.

"Sweetie! Hi! I've missed you so!" Mom exclaims as she pulls Lindsey into a tight hug. This is the first time all day I've seen her smile.

Not trying to be one of those daughters but I know Lindsey has always been Moms favorite. Dad never acted like he had a favorite though so it didn't bother me too much. He's always treated Lindsey and I as if we’re equal.

"Hey bear, you look beautiful as always." Dad says as he engulfs her in a hug as well.

"Thanks daddy," Lindsey starts as they pull apart then she looks at me, "and my favorite sister in the entire world!" She pulls me into a hug. "I've missed you the most," she whispers in my ear.

"You better have," I whisper back. She grabs my bag and rolls it for me. We follow her as she begins walking closer to the tall building in front of us. I catch up to her and walk by her side as Mom and Dad walk hand-in-hand behind us.

She explains what is what and what is where as we walk straight through the main building and out of the doors on the other side. We are now at the court yard of the school. She leads us down the sidewalk that makes a huge circle around the grassy area, with a few alternate paths to take. We go down one of the other ways and eventually make it to another set of doors.

"This is my building. It's so much nicer than the one I lived in last year."

"Well honey, we told you we would have paid for you to live in an apartment." Mom chimes in.

"Yeah but what fun would that have been? I came to experience college. Plus, I survived." We get to the elevator and she presses the button for the sixth floor. That seems to be the highest you can go considering it is the highest number next to any of the buttons. We finally make it to the top and Lindsey's "front door" is only three doors down from the elevator.

Convenient.

She opens the door and we are immediately in the kitchen. It's small but has all of the appliances a regular kitchen would have.

There's a small bar with two barstools and then directly after you pass that is the living room area. It has two small couches, a coffee table, and a flat screen T.V. mounted on the wall. The decorations are adorable but not the way I would decorate. It's simple but artsy­– as it should be considering Lindsey and her roommate are enrolled in an art school.

"Do you like your roommate? Is she nice? Do we need to get you your own apartment to live in?" Mom bombards Lindsey with questions.

"No Mom I swear I do not want to live in an apartment. You can stop asking now." And with that my mom stops talking. Lindsey puts my bag in her room and Mom sets her laptop up on the bar and takes a seat on one of the stools.

"Really Jenny? We just got here. Don't you want to spend some time with Lindsey before getting on that thing?"

"Business doesn't take breaks, Gregory." That has always been something she has said since I was little. Lindsey just rolls her eyes and begins to tell us about her recent photography project she's been working on for class.

Not even a minute into her story, the door swings open and a girl with long brown hair walks in with five other people behind her. I assume this is my sister’s roommate and her family.

"Hey Linds!" the dark haired girl yells as her and her followers gather into the kitchen and close the door.

"Cam! You're back sooner than I thought you'd be. Mom, Dad, Y/N, this is my roommate, Cameron, and her family."

"It's so nice to meet you all! I've heard so much about you Y/N! This is my mom, Lisa, dad, Sean, brothers, Ethan and Grayson, and Ethan's girlfriend, Blair." Everyone mingles and I take a seat on the couch and look at my phone for the first time since I got here.

I have multiple notifications from snapchat, Instagram, and twitter but the few notifications I wish weren’t there are the texts from my ex-boyfriend.

- - -

Micah

Y/N i am sorry. idk how else to make it up to you. it meant nothing forgive me please.

hello?

real mature Y/N. stop ignoring me we aren't 5.

answer me please.

REALLY FUCKING IMMATURE THANK GOD I CHEATED ON YOUR ASS Y/N YOU DONT DESERVE ME ANYWAYS.

- - -

"Hey are you ok?" I look up to one of the boys Cameron introduced as her brother. The other one and the girl come over to me as well. They look alike so it’s kind of hard to tell who is who.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine!"

"You looked a little upset," the other guy says and the girl grabs his hand. I assume that is Ethan considering Cameron said that's his girlfriend.

"I swear, I'm fine!" I say with a smile. I really am fine. Micah cheated on me two months ago. It bothered me at the time because I thought we loved each other, but I quickly realized that wasn't love.

"I'm Grayson," the guy who asked me if I was ok first speaks up, "this is my twin brother Ethan and his girlfriend Blair."

"Yeah she knows that dude. Cam already told her." Ethan smacks the back of his head then sits with Blair on the opposite couch. Grayson shrugs off his brother’s slap and plops down on the coffee table in front of me.

"So, where are you from?" Grayson asks.

"A small town right outside of Atlanta. It's only about a four-hour drive from here," I pause for a second as they took that in, "unless you drive like my dad, you can make it in about three and a half hours."

"That's crazy. We're from New Jersey and that's a twelve-hour drive." Ethan starts.

"And that's why we fly." Grayson says giving Ethan a look. "We love our sister but we couldn't do a twelve-hour road trip with our parents." He whispers the last part I assume not to hurt anyone’s feelings.

Blair gets up to go to the bathroom and Ethan walks into the kitchen to get a drink. Grayson stays sitting in front of me and I'm perfectly fine with that. He's not exactly an eye sore.

We continue to ask about each other and I find out him and Ethan are seventeen like me.

"Alright, so Lisa, Sean, Dad, and I are going to take Lindsey and Cameron out for a late dinner. We're going in their rental car since it's bigger so here's the keys to our car. Be careful if you four go anywhere." My mom says as she leans over the couch from behind and hands me the keys.

They all leave and we are all alone in Cameron and Lindsey's apartment.

"So what do y'all want to do?" I ask.

"Well," Grayson looks down at his phone to check the time, "it's only almost eight and the sun sets at nine so we can ride to Tybee Island and watch it set on the beach?"

"Yes good idea!" Blair jumps up off the couch, clapping her hands.

"That's fine let me go change really quick then we can go!" I say as I fast walk to Lindsey's room and shut the door behind me. I take off my t-shirt and Nike shorts and slide into my high wasted jean shorts and a plain, black tank top. I walk out of the room and grab the car keys and my phone off the couch where I was previously sitting and make my way towards the door. The twins and Blair follow closely behind.

The car ride to Tybee Island was about a thirty-minute drive from the college. That gave us just enough time to walk a little way down the beach and find a spot to watch the sun set.

"Babe, let's go watch down here so it's not awkward for new girl when we're making out." Blair says with a sneer. Ethan looked at me with sorry eyes but I assume she didn't mean it in a bad way considering she doesn't really know me. He then looked at Grayson as if he needed approval.

"It's fine dude. Go ahead. Y/N's cool I like hanging out with her. Just meet at the car around 9:45 to 10." Ethan nods with a smile and walks off with Blair– after she rolls her eyes at me that is. Grayson and I sit there for a minute before he speaks up.

"I'm really sorry about Blair."

"Why are you sorry?" I lightly laugh

"I don't know she's always just been very protective of E and me. I used to date her best friend and she started dating Ethan not too long after." He picked up the sand between his legs and watched it fall as he spoke softly. "Brooke and I broke up about six months ago and I haven't talked to her since. But, of course, Blair has been around and Brooke's been with her. It wasn't a bad break up or anything, I just wasn't feeling it with her. It's like she took the fame to her head and I wasn't dating the same person anymore."

"What is she famous for?" I ask, almost wishing I didn't. Grayson took a good 30 seconds to answer so I thought I said something wrong. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to-"

"No you're fine," he chuckles, "she's not famous for anything but dating me." I give him a confused look because I genuinely do not know what he means. "I mean I guess 'fame' wasn't the right word. More like the attention got to her head." I think he realizes that I'm still confused so he continues talking. "I'm Grayson Dolan."

"I mean I know you're Grayson," I pause, not wanting to offend him in any way, "but I don't know why she would get so much attention from dating you."

"Oh gosh," he laughs, "you really don't know who Ethan and I are, do you?" I shake my head and give him an apologetic look. "We make videos on YouTube."

"Oh!" I smile, finally realizing who he is, "You're one of the Dolan Twins other people talk about in their videos!"

"Bingo!" he smiles.

"Yeah I've heard of y'all I don’t know why it didn’t click before. I'm sorry I haven't watched any videos, I mostly only watch Colleen/Miranda, Shane Dawson, and Vlog Squad." I look out at the ocean in front of me, kind of too embarrassed to look at him.

"It's fine I promise. Just sounds like you have to get to know me in person and not over the internet." I feel him smiling at me then I smile down into the sand.

"Sounds good to me." We talk more about our families, friends, school, and life as the sun sets in front of us. He tells me more about Brooke and how she has tried to reach out to him but he's not interested.

"But yeah, about Blair, just ignore her. Really I wish Ethan would just break up with her." I give him a questioning look and he continues. "She used to not be bad. The four of us always hung out and it was fun. But after the break up, she's changed a lot. It's like any girl that's around, she has to let them know that she's dating Ethan then intimidates them into thinking they can't date me. Then she complains about everything and-" he stops and looks at me, "I'm sorry I'm just talking your ear off about her and I swear I'm not this negative of a person."

"It is perfectly fine I swear to you. If you need to let off some steam go right ahead, I'm here to listen."

He thinks for a minute then starts again, "it's just been a long trip with her. We left LA Wednesday to get to Jersey then flew out here this morning. The things she does and says make us look bad and we aren't those types of guys."

"Well, you've made a pretty good impression on me so far and she hasn't had any influence on that." I smile at him and I see him blush a little but he quickly looks back down. The sun is almost gone, as if it sunk into the ocean. It's darker and a few degrees cooler. Now I'm regretting the tank top and shorts.

"Ya know, if I had a jacket, I'd totally give it to you." He moves closer to me and I start to smell his scent. He puts his left arm over my shoulders and wraps his right arm around the front of me, holding his own hands to keep us together.

Normally, if this were anyone else, under any other circumstances, I'd push them away.

With Grayson, it just feels right. I'm not sure what this is to him, or if I will even speak to him after this weekend, but for some reason I just let it happen.

I've never been known as one of those girls who just give it up so easily. Micah was the only guy I ever had sex with and if I could take that back, I would. 

But like I said before, I thought I loved him. I thought we would be together forever and I thought we were each other’s one and only. Obviously, I was wrong and I’m so glad I was.

My thoughts are interrupted by my phone vibrating in my pocket. I automatically assume it's my mom wondering where we are so I just answer it.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Why have you been ignoring my texts?" That is not my mom’s voice. I feel my face get hot and I knew it was red with anger. My lips clinch together as I hold in the words I've been wanting to say to him. "Hello? Y/N?" I keep quiet as I try not to let this work me up too badly. I haven't heard his voice since the day I caught him in bed with some girl in his dorm room. 

Imagine driving an hour away to surprise your boyfriend at college and walking in on him and some girl doing it.

I hope he got an STD.

I hang up the phone and place it in my back pocket as I stand up. "We should probably get back. Mom and Dad still have to get a hotel for the night so they'll need the car."

"That's fine. Also, I uh- I'm sorry about the whole arm thing just then." Grayson says as we walk back towards the car. I smile at him but I know he can't see me because of how dark it is from the sun completely disappearing.

"It's fine, I promise." I wrap an arm around his waist and he drapes his over my shoulders. We walk like this until we reach the car and part our ways to the opposite sides.

"Finally," Blair scoffs towards me, "you said 9:45."

"I said 9:45 to 10, Blair. It's 9:55." Grayson defends. If I didn't know how Blair was, I'd think Grayson was just being a total douchebag to his brother’s girlfriend. But because of what he told me, I know he's just retaliating her snide remarks. 

I keep my mouth shut and unlock the car. I hop in the driver’s seat and Grayson gets in the passenger side. Ethan opens the back door for Blair and I can't help but admire how gentlemen-like he is.

We ride for about 15 minutes with no sound but the radio. I'm too scared to say a word because I don't want Blair to say anything out of the way to me. Seconds later, the radio is interrupted by a phone call. It's my phone ringing through bluetooth and I automatically decline as soon as I see it's Micah.

"Is that who was on the phone at the beach?" Grayson questions. I quietly nod. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"Ex," I quickly say, "I don't have a boyfriend." In my peripherals I see Grayson nod his head and slowly look out the window with a smirk on his face.

"Gray isn't single are you, Gray?" Blair suddenly states from the middle of us two. Before he has time to answer her she continues, "him and my best friend Brooke have had a thing for years! They broke up six months ago but I know for a fact they're getting back together."

"And what facts are those, Blair?" He adjusts himself in his seat so he can look at her face-to-face.

"I just know. I predicted you two would be together and I’m predicting now that it will happen again."

"Those aren't facts," I hear myself say. "Did I say that out loud?" Blair seems taken aback and Grayson and Ethan snicker.

Honestly, at first I wasn't sure if what Blair was saying was true. I mean, it shouldn't mean anything to me anyways but I already had such a good impression of Grayson so far, I didn't want to have to think he was a liar. But since her "facts" weren't so much of facts, I start to realize what Grayson meant by her making them look bad.

We finally make it back to the visitor parking lot at SCAD without hearing another word from Blair. Ethan and her get out quick and are out of sight before I even get my seat belt off.

"Did I say something wrong?" I laugh, referring to Blair’s sudden disappearance.

"Not even close. Everything she says is wrong so don't sweat it." Grayson chuckles a little, "you are, although, the first person to say something smart back to her. Props to you Y/N." We laugh for a second together then start getting out of the car. "I am single by the way. Just want you to know that." I smile at him through the car, as we are standing on either side we just slid out of.

“Good to know.” I smirk and close my door. He does the same right after. We walk around the tall building since it locks at a certain time every night.

The walk is silent but comfortable. Grayson is super sweet and I'm really growing to like him as a person. We reach the building our sisters live in and take the elevator to the top. When we walk in, everyone in our families are sitting in the living room and Blair on her phone at the bar.

"Alright, I think it's time we head on out." My dad says and Mom grabs her things.

"Us too. Lots of activities tomorrow." Lisa speaks up. Grayson and Ethan follow their parents out and Blair doesn't move. I assume she's staying the night with Cameron. 

Mom and Dad hug Lindsey and I and say their goodnights. They let us know we need to be ready by eight in the morning so that we don't waste the day. I'm not sure what they have planned, but knowing Mom, it will be a lot.

Lindsey and I settle in her room after we both have showered and got ready for bed. She looks down at her phone and squeals a little. "What?" I question.

"Nothing." She quickly looks up with a straight face. I let it go because I'm too exhausted to try and figure her out– trust me, it's a long process to get something out of Lindsey. "So, what's new? Love life? Any cute boys you've met lately?" I see where she's getting at with this but it's literally not even what she thinks.

"Linds, I talk to you every day. You stay updated on everything in my life. What could you possibly not know about me?" She gives me a 'bitch-the-fuck' look and I laugh.

"Come on, Y/N. How do you feel about Grayson?"

"Grayson who?"

"Y/N!" She hits me with a pillow and I quickly hit her back before getting comfortable again.

"I don't know," I begin and play with my fingers, "I mean I only just met him and I'm super nervous about ever trying anything with a guy again because of what happened with Micah. But I can tell, just from talking to Grayson, that he is nothing like all the other guys I've met. He's also not very hard on the eyes." I smile down into my lap, looking at my fingers.

I hear a laugh and quickly look up towards the door where it came from. "Oh cute, new girl has a crush on our Gray. How... sweet." She pauses. "Did I say sweet? I mean pathetic." It's Blair and she has her phone up as if she's recording the whole thing.

In fact, I know she is recording because I hear the beep after she stops the recording. "And that's going straight to Grayson and Ethan. Consider us even for you back talking me in the car. Don't cross me, boo."

Lindsey stands up but I quickly pull her back down on the bed. "Leave it alone Linds, it's not worth the drama. Just let her have it." She surprisingly listens to me and I assume it's because she's matured so much since she's been here. I can still tell she wants to swing at the little blonde and I don't put it past her that she will beat her down.

"I just came to see if one of you had lotion but I can just go ask Cam since you gave me enough Y/N." And with that she walks out of Lindsey's room, slamming the door shut behind her. My phone vibrates and I dread looking at it because I just had a deep feeling it was Micah. Luckily, I was wrong but I saw it was a number I didn't have saved. I unlocked my phone and went to my messages to see the text.

- - -

Unknown

hey gorgeous, this is grayson. i hope you don't mind but i got cam to ask lindsey for your phone number. i had a really great time hanging out today and I hope we get the chance to do it again tomorrow. goodnight pretty girl, sleep good.

Me

i had a lot of fun too! thank you for everything! goodnight!

- - -

I don't say much because I didn't know what he was going to think after he saw the video. But his text did make me feel butterflies over and over whenever I read it. I put my phone down and tell my sister goodnight. She sets an alarm for us to wake up early enough to get ready and I pass out the second she turns out the light.

My parents arrive to get Lindsey and me before Cameron and Blair even wake up. I’m very grateful for that because I do not want to run into any of the Dolan's or Blair.

I assume she has already sent the video and I'm sure she will say something in front of everyone if they're around.

My family and I explore around campus most of the morning and Lindsey shows us some of her favorite spots to study and hang out.

We take a break from walking at a small coffee shop. Mom sets up her laptop, of course, and the rest of us sit around her sipping our drinks. I got a mocha iced coffee as it's the only coffee I really like. I've never been obsessed like a lot of people are.

"It's 10 now," Dad says as he looks at his watch, "and we told Sean and Lisa we'd all meet for lunch at 11:30." I feel my face get hot and I automatically feel like I'm going to throw up. I try to come up with an excuse as to why I won't be able to go to lunch but I know it's a lost cause. Mom and Dad will make me go and I'll end up having to face the Dolans back at Lindsey's dorm anyways.

Once I realize I won't be able to completely avoid Cameron's family, I accept the fact I will be seeing them at lunch.

I excuse myself and go to the bathroom. I study my outfit in the mirror. I adjust my maroon, flowy tank top and look down at my holy skinny jeans. My white converses look sad as they don't look near as white as they were the day I got them. I hear the door swing open and quickly see the familiar face of my sister.

"Are you ok?" She asks softly and rubs my back.

"Yeah, just not very excited about lunch."

She nods her head because she knows it's because of Blair. "Has Grayson texted you?" Her face grows a huge smile and mine shows a small one.

"I mean he texted me last night but I left my phone at your dorm so I don't know if he's texted me any today."

"I figured you didn't have your phone because I texted you a few times about Mom today and you never replied." She laughs then checks her makeup. "But lunch should be fine. You know I'm here for you if anyone has something to say." I hug her then we walk back out to our parents. We end up staying here for about another thirty minutes then head back to Lindsey's dorm so she can turn in a paper really quick. She already had it written she just needed to submit it.

"I'm sorry guys, I totally forgot about it because of everything that was going on yesterday and today. But it isn't considered late until 11:59 pm tonight." Lindsey says as she unlocks her front door.

I hold my breath and just pray Cameron and everyone else isn't here. Luckily, they aren't. I half jog into my sister’s room and grab my phone and get it out of the night stand I hid it in.

I have twelve missed calls from Micah and eight unread texts from him. I skim over them quickly and delete after I read them. They basically were just more apologies and cussing me out for not replying.

I look at the few Lindsey had sent me about mom before she knew I didn't have my phone and I chuckled.

I have a few from the group message with my friends but I ignore those and look at the last one I have.

- - -

Grayson Dolan

sucks we missed each other this morning. see you at lunch! :)

- - -

I smile at the text and start to type a reply. I remember the video and how he probably hadn't seen it yet when he texted me this so I delete the text, slide my phone in my back pocket, and walk into the living room.

"I guess we should go ahead and get to lunch with Sean, Lisa, and their family." Dad suggests.

"They want to meet at a sea food restaurant on the island so that's probably a good idea, Gregory." Mom confirms.

"Hi! Just four?" The hostess asks my family as we walk in through the double doors of the restaurant. 

"We're actually meeting another family here." Mom corrects her.

"Oh yea! They're already seated. Follow me right this way." I feel my heart racing as we get closer to the large table. Mom and Dad sit on one end with Sean and Lisa. Ethan is sitting at the end of the table, Lindsey takes a seat beside Cameron, and I take the only available seat which happens to be beside Grayson. Blair, however, is missing and there are no extra chairs left.

Where is she?

I keep silent for the most part. I only speak when I order and when I’m spoken to. Towards the end of lunch, Mom gets a phone call so she excuses herself from the table. I roll my eyes as she walks away and I guess Ethan notices. He giggles and I look up to him and Grayson staring at me.

"What was that for?" He asks.

I look down the table and Dad is deep in conversation so I proceed to explain. "She's just always done that. No matter where we are or who we're with, work always comes first. It just gets old after a while." I look back down at my shrimp and take another bite.

"When I graduated high school, she missed me walking across the stage and getting my diploma because something came up with work." Lindsey adds. The boys and Cameron give us apologetic looks.

"She's not a bad mom though," I reassure them, "we never go without and we kind of like that she doesn't hover."

"That's good!" Cameron exclaims.

"Alright guys, I'm sorry to be the one who asks," Lindsey starts and puts her fork down, "but where's Blair?" Cameron snorts and Grayson rolls his eyes. I listen closely because I've honestly been wondering the same thing.

Grayson speaks up first and it takes me off guard for a second. "She sent us some video last night in a group chat and it was just very disgusting. The way she talked about Y/N and made those remarks was way out of line. And the fact she sent it to us because she thought we would find it funny shows she doesn't know us like we thought she did."

"So I broke up with her. We took her to the airport this morning around 10." Ethan adds and looks in my direction. I’m unable to keep eye contact so I look down in my lap for the hundredth time this meal. I feel Grayson's body turn towards me.

"I'm really sorry for the way she acted, Y/N. I hope you don't hate us." I lift my head and smile. Ethan and Grayson are both smiling and it makes me feel a whole lot better.

Now I feel super bad about not texting Grayson back.

After everyone is done eating, it is almost one o'clock. Our parents decided for us all to stick together for the rest of the afternoon.

We end up going back to Savannah and exploring downtown on River Street. It has tons of shops. That's my favorite thing to do– SHOP!

The parents head to a pub and get some drinks. The five of us walk together. We go into a bunch of candy shops and souvenir places. We find a boutique and I basically fall in love with all the clothes.

"Ethan, come with me and Linds to this candy shop down here and Grayson stay with Y/N in the boutique." They both agree with their sister and I grab the last few shirts I want to try on and I head to the dressing room.

"I'm really sorry, I'll be quick!" I say to Grayson as he sits in a chair outside of my door.

"It's really fine. Take your time beautiful." He smiles at me and I get major butterflies in my stomach.

My phone vibrates and I quickly check it before I start changing.

- - -

Lindsey  

ur welcome ;)

- - -

I quietly laugh at my phone then put it down.

Once I'm done checking out, Grayson and I walk across the road to the river. I lean on the railing and look into the water. Grayson does the same. "I really want to apologize again for Blair."

"You can stop apologizing! I swear it's ok." I giggle, placing my hand on his shoulder for reassurance. This is probably the thirteenth time he's said sorry since we talked about it at lunch but I know he just feels bad. "I know what she said didn't come out of your mouth."

"Yeah but she was part of our group and what she says to people represents us. Ethan and I have built our whole fandom around positivity and believing they should put positivity into everything they do. Having her around was just putting us two steps backwards. Thankfully, E broke it off before any of our fans saw it."

"You guys are pretty amazing." I turn to him more and smile, “And I don’t say that about just anyone!”

"But I'm more amazing than Ethan, right?" Grayson giggles a little and I just give him a look. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Ya know," I begin to say, pausing considering if I should even say it at all, "right here, with you, is the happiest I've been in a long time."

Grayson moves closer to me, wrapping me into a hug. My bare arms rub against his t-shirt and my bag from the boutique hits him in his butt.

"Woah there princess, take me out to dinner first." I squeeze him a little tighter, "I'm pretty happy here with you too Y/N." We both let go and he looks in my eyes, looks down at my lips then quickly back into my eyes. His face gets closer to mine and just as I can feel him breathing and I think he's about to kiss me…

"Oh my gosh it's Grayson Dolan!" I hear a screech. We both pull away and look in the direction of the voice.

"Grayson!"

"Gray where's Ethan?"

He's bombarded with questions and cameras in his face. He looks back at me and I give him a huge smile, letting him know it’s ok. This is his life and I'm honestly just some girl he met yesterday. Who am I to be the one who denies his supporters the opportunity to talk to him face-to-face?

If this were thirteen-year-old me and Grayson was Justin Bieber, I would have fainted on the ground– so I understand how they're acting.

Grayson takes a few pictures and answers their questions.

"Are you here visiting Cam?"

"Yes actually!" He replies.

"When are you going back to LA?" A different girl asks.

"Wednesday. Going back to New Jersey tomorrow."

"Where's Eteeweetee?" Another girl again. I assume she means Ethan.

"Somewhere around here. I'm not sure."

"Is she your girlfriend?" He doesn't reply to this one. I don't blame him but he could've just said no. I wouldn't have been offended.

"Alright everyone we got to go. It was nice meeting you all. I love you!" He grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers, and begins pulling me through the sea of girls.

We see Ethan, Cameron, and Lindsey a little ways ahead of us. Once we're out of the crowd, I notice Grayson is still holding my hand. I don't do anything about it though because I'd be crazy to.

He's super sweet and super cute and honestly I hope this isn't just something that only lasts this weekend.

"We met Mom and Dad and they gave us the keys to the car so we can get back to the dorm. They're going to stay down here for a little while." Lindsey says waving the keys in our faces.

Great timing because some of the girls started swarming again when they saw Ethan was here too.

"Let's go amigos!" Cameron says as she skips ahead of us.

"So do you think I'm going to be able to see you again? Ya know, after this weekend is over?" Grayson asks me, breaking the silence between us. We have been sitting in the patio chairs on the balcony of our sisters’ dorm, overlooking the courtyard and the college students bustling below us, for about an hour now. Ethan, Lindsey, and Cameron are inside watching some movie Grayson and I have no interest in.

"Well," I begin to answer Grayson's question, "really that is up to you." I take a sip of my drink and sit it back down on the table between us. I look over at him through my Ray Bans and smile as I study his confused face. "I mean I would love to see you again, but you have to want that too for it to happen." I keep my smile to let him think I was just messing around with him. In reality I am actually trying to figure out what this is and how he feels.

Not that I'm trying to jump into another relationship of any kind but somehow, after these past twenty-four hours, I've grown to really like Grayson. I could see him as a potential boyfriend, yes, but he also lives on the other side of the country most of his time and when he's home, he's still not very close. Regardless, I know for sure I want him in my life even if it's just as a friend.

"You know what Y/N?" Grayson asks as he sits up from his chair and grabs my hand that is draped on the arm rest of my seat.

He intertwines our fingers the way he did earlier in the day.

"What's that Gray?"

"I would love to see you again, too." He kisses the back of my hand and gives me a big cheesy smile. I can’t help but return the cheesy smile too but then I look back out over the courtyard to try to hide my face turning red. That fails though since Grayson continues to stare at me.

"Guys! Check out twitter!" Ethan says running out of the sliding glass door and shutting it back.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Just look!" Ethan replies, still not looking up from his phone. I stand up from my chair and walk inside to grab my phone.

Cameron and Lindsey are nowhere in sight. I pick up my phone and have a texts in a group message from Lindsey.

- - -

Lindsey

cam and I went to get the parents! be back l8r.

Cameron Dolan

Y/N is in charge E & Gray

Ethan Dolan

that's lame

Me

h8rs gonna h8 ;)

Lindsey  

truuuuuuue

- - -

I grab Grayson's phone as well since it’s sitting beside mine and walk back to where the boys were. Ethan had taken my seat so Grayson pats his leg indicating for me to sit in his lap­– so I do.

I sit on his right leg and drape my legs across his left. I hand him his phone and we both go to our twitter apps as if it is choreographed. I first notice that I have a billion new notifications. Then I notice my followers.

"Woah. I had six-hundred followers this morning. Now I have two-hundred thousand?" I’m shocked for obvious reasons. I mean it's not like I have any media that would go viral so why would I be getting so many followers?

"Our fans should be private investigators." Ethan chuckles, "We haven't posted anything with Y/N or followed her on any social media so it's crazy that they had found her so easily!"

Grayson stays silent as we all scrolled through our twitter.

"Should I be worried?" I ask as I turn my phone towards Grayson and then Ethan, showing them one of the tweets I was tagged in.

@DolanStan321 not to be a party pooper but uhhh good luck to @Y/T/N  if she is dating gray. this fandom is hard to get along with.

Grayson's jaw clinches when he reads the words of his fan, and I begin to worry a little.

"Are you gonna tweet something, bro?" Ethan asks.

"Should I?" Grayson questions back. Ethan just shrugged as his response. I stay quiet and continue to stare at my phone–except I’m not on twitter. I’m texting my friends from back home about my current situation since they are blowing up my phone. "It just sucks that I can't have a friend without them assuming things."

Friend.

For some reason that word hurts a little bit... even though that is exactly what I am to him.

Nothing more.

Don't get me wrong, if all Grayson is and ever will be to me is a friend, I'll take it. He's too precious of a human being to be picky about where he's placed in your life.

"Y/N, go retweet my tweet so the people know." Grayson suggests. I nod my head and click on his name from one of the billion tweets we're both tagged in together.

@GraysonDolan Y/N and I are not dating... as of right now.

Boys are so confusing. What the hell is that supposed to mean?

If I'm confused about it right now, I'm sure his fans are as well. But, maybe that's what he wants. He wants them to wonder.

I retweet and like the tweet as I was told and lock my phone.

"Well, in other news. Cam said I'm in charge so I say we go get FroYo!" I stand up from Grayson's lap and start walking in the living room area. The boys follow behind as they agree with my idea. "let me go potty first though." I chuckle then rush to my sister’s bathroom.

I check my face out in the mirror as I'm washing my hands and decide I look fine to go out in public like this. My all black Nike shorts and oversized t-shirt go fine with my 'I-kinda-just-do-not-care' look.

I walk out of the bathroom, turning off the light but slow myself down when I hear talking from the living room. I know I shouldn't eavesdrop but I couldn't help myself.

"E, I know it's crazy but I really like her already. It's weird I know and it will be hard to make it work but I've never been so willing to try with someone." I feel a smile come across my face as I listen to the words I know are coming from Grayson's mouth.

"I can definitely tell, bro. You know I support you in anything you do, bro. I think you should go for it if you really like her."

"I've never felt this way about anyone. Not even Brooke. How do I tell her?"

"That I'm going to let you figure out for yourself." Ethan states with a sigh, "But we leave in the morning to go back to Jersey so just remember that."

I decide to walk out since I had been standing here a little too long. "You guys ready to go?" Grayson stands up off the couch and walks to me.

"Yes ma'am!" He says as he randomly pulls me into a huge hug. I hug him back and feel myself smiling as his scent fills my nose.

Ethan's phone starts to ring, killing the mood a little bit. "It's Blair." he says with no emotion. Grayson and I look at each other and then at his brother. "Should I answer?" he asks.

"Whatever you do, I support you, bro." I smile as I think about the fact Ethan said this to him moments ago. 

I love their relationship.

"I'm going to then just to make sure she made it back ok. You two go ahead, I'll catch up later."

Grayson shrugs and waves at his brother since he is now on the phone with Blair. 

"Well, let's go I guess." Grayson shrugs. We walk to the elevator and wait in silence for the doors to separate. We get in and it is still silent and the doors open at another floor.

Grayson pulls me closer to him to make room for the two girls who are getting on. He moves me in front of him and wraps his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on my head. Gray and I are still silent but we hear the girls whispering.

"Yeah I think that is him. He has the earring." Is the only thing I can understand from what they’re saying. I don't turn to them and neither does Grayson. Then, I hear the sound of a camera. That's when I feel Grayson's body move away from mine and turn towards the girls.

"Oh my gosh we are so sorry!" The blonde girl says. She sounds kind of scared but I'm not sure why. I turn and watch what Grayson is doing.

"What's your names?" He asks them politely.

"I'm Katie and this is Ellie." The brunette says and points to her blonde friend.

"We are huge fans!"

"Yeah, like, huge!" Katie adds.

"Well, would you like pictures?" Grayson asks them.

"OH MY GOD YES PLEASE!" Katie screams.

The girls take pictures of each other with Grayson and I just stand there watching. I smile knowing this is making their whole day.

"Can we get a picture with you, Y/N?" Ellie asks. I'm a little taken aback but I nod my head and the girls take their pictures.

Finally, the elevator opens and Grayson grabs my hand, intertwining our fingers for the third time today, and pulling me out with him.

The girls follow closely behind. "It was very nice to meet you two!" Grayson says while we walk away and we both wave. Thankfully, they take his subtle hint and don't follow any longer.

The FroYo place isn't far from the dorm so Grayson and I walk. He keeps my hand held tight and I can’t stop smiling. It’s getting pretty dark, thankfully, so he can't see how giddy I am at the moment.

"I kind of feel bad for Ethan honestly." Grayson says out of nowhere.

"What do you mean?"

"I told him I support him, and I do, but he's going to want to get back together with Blair. He doesn't need to be with her." He paused for a second then continues with his thoughts, "she just makes us look bad but I know he loves her and he’s stuck on who she used to be.” I nod my head.

"Micah, my ex who called over and over again last night, was bad for me too. It took a lot for me to realize it but I was never in love with him like I thought I was." I feel his stare on me. It’s like he wanted me to keep explaining without actually asking me to explain. "Like I said, I thought I loved him but he was just very abusive to me verbally. I didn't realize I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Well, I drove over an hour to his college to surprise him and caught in bed with some other girl." Grayson's grip on my hand gets tighter as if he felt bad for me. "I was upset for about a week but then I was over him. I mean being with someone you 'love' for so long and then a week after it's over, just not feeling anything anymore. He was someone I gave my everything to. My time, my effort, my-”

"Virginity?" Grayson interrupts. I think it’s a little odd that he so openly said this but I really don't mind.

"Yeah, that too." I chuckle out. He doesn't say anything else but gives me that ‘please-keep-explaining’ stare again. So I do.

"Long story short, I gave this guy so much, thought I loved him, then I was over him before I could even blink. I've always been told that you have that first person who shows you how not to love and for me, that person was Micah." Grayson smiles at me and opens the door for me as we reached the FroYo building. "So," I continue as we take our spot in line, "maybe that's what Blair is for Ethan. That person who shows him how not to love. Sadly, he’s going to have to learn that himself."

Grayson nods in agreement, "I sure hope you're right Y/N."

We grab our separate bowls to put our FroYo in and walk up to the separate machines. Grayson gets a mix of flavors and I just got regular cake batter. We scoop our toppings into the containers then went to pay. I insist on paying for both of ours but Grayson swipes his credit card before I could get my cash out.

"Well played, Gray." He gives me a cute little smirk then we walk outside to a bench since it feels so good outside.

"Let me try yours." He says and opens his mouth. I scoop out a good amount with one of all of my toppings on it and put my spoon in his mouth. He makes a face indicating he likes it.

Without me having to ask, he scoops me some of his with his spoon and feeds it to me like I did him.

"Mine is better but yours isn't too bad." I giggle.

"So I guess that means we can't trade?"

"That's a negative." I look down at my own bowl and mixed the toppings in a little more. I cross my legs and get comfortable on the bench. We watch the people walk past on the side walk in front of us and across the street. "What's it like in LA?" I ask since I have never been there.

"It's pretty fun sometimes but I like Jersey better."

"I'm sure. I mean it's your home so I don't blame you."

"Don't get me wrong though, I do love LA. It has so much more to offer than our little town in NJ does." He takes another bite of his FroYo then sits his spoon down in his bowl, "Y/N, can I tell you something?"

"Anything, Grayson." He positions his body so he’s facing me completely which causes me to stop eating my FroYo, too. I sit it down on the bench beside me and stare into his hazel orbs.

"This is probably really stupid," he starts breaking the eye contact, "but for some reason I feel like you were put in my life for a reason. I've known you for not even two full days and my feelings for you are stronger than they've ever been for anyone I've ever met." I feel my insides rumbling with butterflies and my cheeks blushing. I pick his chin up with the hand that isn’t intertwined with his and bring his eyes back to mine.

"Nothing about that was stupid, Gray. Especially because I feel the exact same way." My hand leaves his chin but he is still eye-to-eye with me. He begins getting closer and closer to me and my eyes naturally shut. Our lips are inches apart and we are about to kiss each other until:

"Gray! Y/N! There you two are!" Grayson and I pop up and see Ethan running towards us. "Have you checked your social medias?"

"Nope. Been kinda busy bro." Grayson says through gritted teeth.

"Oops." Ethan chuckles out, "but look." He turns his phone towards us and shows a picture of Grayson and I in the elevator. I guess that's the picture those girls got when Grayson had his arms around me and his chin resting on my head.

Grayson grabs the phone and smiles.

"You gotta admit, it's a pretty cute picture of us." He pulls out his phone and goes to his own twitter app so I do the same thing.

@ogdolarstan so did grayson straight up lie to us about dating that girl?

That girl.

Is that who I am known as now?

@graysarmpithair why's everyone freaking out? if grayson is dating her, there's nothing we can do but support the relationship.

I kind of feel a little sick looking at all of the replies so I lock my phone and sit it down in my lap. I think Grayson notices so he puts his phone down too and grabs my hand.

"Hey," Grayson squeezes a little to get my attention– as if he didn't already fully have it, "don't let them get to you. The fans are super over protective. I don't want them to scare you away from me."

I couldn't help but smile at his words. I look up at him and don't know what else to say. I’m not sure how to thank him for reassuring me that he wants this.

If we had kissed already, I would have pecked his lips to thank him but that was rudely interrupted.  

I notice Ethan had walked into the FroYo place to get his serving since he missed out.

"Thank you, Gray." I look deep into his eyes, letting him know how much I really appreciated him. Then, our moment starts to happen again. He brakes our eye contact, looks down at my lips again, then back to my eyes. Before I know it, he’s leaning in again. I start to do the same, closing my eyes for the second time as well. And, as if they were made for each other, our lips meet.

Finally.

That's all I can think. Finally, he kissed me but also finally I’m able to see how I really feel about Grayson.

I don't want to admit it, especially after such a short period of time, but I have fallen for Grayson Dolan.

We finally made it back to the dorm with Ethan and both our sisters were back. 

"How were the rents?" Ethan asks. Lindsey and Cameron look at each other and start laughing. 

"Oh, they were something!" Lindsey giggles.

"They were pretty wasted!" Camron states.

It’s about 12:30 and we all are sitting in the living room, talking, playing games and enjoying each other’s company. Grayson and I haven’t left each other’s side all night and I'm sure our sisters have noticed. 

"How cool is it gonna be," Cameron begins, "me and you are best friends and now our siblings are going to date!" I feel my face get red as I look down in my lap and laugh. 

"We're officially stuck with each other forever!" Lindsey says as she jumps up out of her seat. 

"You two are insane," Ethan rolls his eyes playfully, "but right. I can't wait to have Y/N stuck in my life forever."

"Woah now," I hear Grayson speak up, "don't jinx us. We aren't even official yet."

"YET!" They all three screamed in unison. 

We sit around for about thirty more minutes before Cameron and Lindsey stand up, indicating they were going to bed. "Y/N, I'm sleeping with Cam tonight so you and Gray can have my bed." and with that they are both gone. 

I know Lindsey wasn't lending us her bed for sexual reasons, she just wants to give us more time with each other since Ethan is half asleep on one of the couches already. We both stand up and walk to my sister’s room. He closes the door and walks over to me sitting on the bed. 

"I'm so tired but I want as much time I can get with you as possible." He lays beside me on the bed and drapes his arm around my waist. 

"You're too cute, Gray." I say as I play with his hair. "Go to sleep though. You have to be up early." 

"Alright," he groans and I reach over to turn off the lamp. We make ourselves comfortable and he cuddles me from behind.

"Goodnight pretty girl, sleep good." He kisses my cheek then he was out like a light. 

Goodnight Grayson.

I know Grayson is trying hard not to wake me as he gets up to leave, but I don't want him to leave without me saying goodbye to him. I mean, who knew when I'd see him next?

I feel him lean down and softly kiss my forehead. Before he can walk away, I wrap my arms around his neck, hugging him. He picks me up and wraps his arms around my waist and I wrap my legs around his body. 

"I'm going to miss you so much beautiful." He speaks softly as he holds me in his arms. I feel the butterflies fill my stomach and a smile grows across my face. I look up him to let him know I'd miss him too. He continues looking at me and I can't help but stare back.

His face is as perfect as his heart and I really can't believe how lucky I am to even have gotten to meet this beautiful soul.

Grayson leans in slightly to kiss me and I meet him in the middle.

We kiss for a few minutes and we somehow end up back on the bed. We lay there for another few minutes, Grayson hovering over the top of me, not breaking the connection of our lips.

"Bro, Mom & Dad are here to get us, let's go!" Ethan says through the closed door with a light knock.

"Alright," Grayson drops his head, speaking towards the door, "I'll be there in a minute." Ethan doesn’t say anything else so he looks back at me. Laying on his side and me laying on mine. "You're perfect."

He pecks my lips before I can respond.

"Nobody's perfect, Gray." I give him a soft smile and caress his face. We stare in each other’s eyes for about thirty seconds before he brakes the silence.

"Promise me something, Y/N?"

"Anything."

"I know this is going to be hard, but please don't give up on me. On us." I’m taken aback for a moment but I really start to realize that Grayson's feelings for me were equally as strong as mine are for him. 

"I promise you, there's no way I will ever give up on this, Gray."

We seal it with a kiss and he begins to get up again. Part of me is very upset that the time for him to leave has finally came. But I also know we would have to deal with this eventually. 

I jump up and wrap my arms around his neck one more time. I kiss him slowly to let him know how serious I am about him. 

Once we let go of each other, he heads towards the door and I follow.

"You ready?" Ethan asks as his brother comes into view. 

"I guess." Grayson lightly replies, sounding a little bummed. I walk over to Ethan and hug him goodbye. 

"I'm sure I'll see you soon." He says into the hug, letting out a little laugh. 

"Oh you will," I giggle and look over at Grayson, "don't get my favorite boy in any trouble.”

"What do you mean? He's the trouble maker." Ethan gasps.

"I’m so glad I met you.” Grayson whispers before they walk out of the door. 

I hug him again and kiss him one last time. 

Oh how I wish I could just spend every moment with that perfect boy.

I walk back into Lindsey's room and see Grayson's shirt he took off before we went to sleep last night on the ground. 

Smiling to myself as I pick it up, I debate running down the hall way to give it to Grayson as an excuse to see him once more before he’s miles and miles away.

I decide not to so that I’m able to keep it with me, as if I have part of Grayson with me at all times.

Even though I haven’t officially admitted it out loud, I know I love him. That short but oh-so-strong four letter word really works in mysterious ways and I’m just glad it has worked out in my favor.

Tags: @atlas-of-a-human-soul @lexi-victoria @agirlssfantasy

[aslanjadecarlyle]

Number 5?

Prompt 5: “I still think about them. Every day.”

—-

Title: Snow Globe

Word Count: 3,332

—-

The first time Phillip saw P.T. Barnum cry, it was an accident. 

The circus had finished up its last show for the season, and with good timing, too. It was snowing by the time Phillip left, and he was halfway across the circus grounds by the time he’d realized why he was so cold — he’d left his scarf in his office, amongst the stacks of paperwork he’d helped P.T. finish up.

A sigh escaped his lips, the air around him so cold he could see his own breath. Rubbing his neck, he pulled his coat closer and held his head low as he hurried back to the tent. He knew it wasn’t empty — P.T. had stayed behind for a few moments. How the ringmaster could stand to work in such freezing conditions, Phillip would never understand. 

Sighing again, this time in relief as he reached the tent, Phillip pulled aside the flap to go inside. Pausing only when he heard a whimper and an unfamiliar catch of breath.

Lips parting to form words, but failing to make a sound, Phillip stood and watched his ringmaster hunch in on himself, tears rolling down his cheeks. One hand furiously scribbled out words on paper while the other tried in vain to wipe the tears from his eyes, but eventually he gave up and buried his face in both hands. 

Phillip wasn’t sure how long he gawked at the ringmaster for, but it was only when the older man shivered that he finally realized he’d been leaving the flap of the tent open. The flimsy circus tent was already cold enough without his aiding the outside elements along.

By the time P.T. looked up, the flap was down and Phillip was already gone.

Scarf forgotten.

*

A few nights later, reports that a blizzard would be blowing in overnight made their way around the city. Citizens were advised to stock up on food, stay inside, and stay warm by any means possible.

Nobody had seen P.T. Barnum in several days.

Phillip knew it was none of his business. The man was probably at home, enjoying the break from the circus, and, as advised, staying warm however he could. But for some reason, P.T.’s younger partner couldn’t shake the feeling that that wasn’t quite the case.

So, ignoring all warning about the weather, Phillip ventured back out to the circus grounds.

It was almost eerie to see the circus so deserted, but, if Phillip’s hunch was right, the grounds weren’t totally empty. Shivering, Phillip hurried along, dead grass crunching underneath his feet.

The second time Phillip Carlyle saw P.T. Barnum cry, he could hear the sobs as soon as he opened up the flap.

And, this time, he didn’t stay silent about it.

“P.T.?” Phillip called, entering the circus tent.

The sobs cut off with a gasp and Phillip watched as P.T. stood to greet him, unsuccessfully trying to mask the tears on his cheeks.

“Phillip,” the ringmaster greeted, his voice wavering. “What… What are you doing here?”

Before Phillip could answer, however, P.T. cut in again. “You left your scarf,” he said. Phillip’s scarf was draped over the back of his chair.

Phillip didn’t reach for it. “P.T., what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? It’s my circus.”

Phillip sighed. “Well, yes, but… why are you here? The shows won’t be on again for weeks, maybe months. You don’t need to stay here.”

“I don’t sleep here, if that’s what you’re implying.”

Phillip scratched the back of his neck. Maybe coming here was a bad idea. “Then why come at all? We finished all the paperwork, closed everything up for the season. There’s nothing to do here.”

P.T. didn’t answer right away and, for the first time, Phillip realized his teeth were chattering. He scowled.

“C’mon, P.T. I know you like… living a little crazy,” he winced. How cliche it was to use P.T.’s own song lyrics against him. “But this is just plain stupid. You’ll freeze when the snow blows in tonight!”

At first, P.T. said nothing. Then he mumbled something much too low for Phillip to hear.

“What?”

“I said, I can’t go home! All right?”

Phillip jumped, not expecting P.T. to yell. He was stubborn, but rarely angry.  Now, he had to watch as helpless tears betrayed his friend by rolling down his cheeks.

“Phin—“ Phillip caught himself and quickly bit his tongue. “What’s wrong?”

P.T. closed his still-wet eyes. He looked tired. For the first time, true age showed on his face. A little terrified, Phillip took a hesitant step back.

“…P.T.?” he mumbled.

“I… I miss them. Every day.”

At first, Phillip couldn’t figure out what the man was talking about.

Then it clicked.

And Phillip felt terrible.

It had been only a few months since Charity left with P.T.’s daughters, after he was caught kissing Jenny Lind. They still lived close enough to visit by train, and Charity promised they might try to work on their relationship, but the ringmaster hadn’t quite been the same since the day they left. He and Charity both knew there was no truth to her promises words.

She was gone.

For awhile, P.T. had the circus to distract himself. They rebuilt, and the shows were more successful than ever.

But now the circus was closed down for the season. With only the tent to protect the performers and the animals from the elements, it was much too cold to perform.

And so P.T. had nothing to distract himself from his lonesome thoughts.

Phillip’s mind was whirling after this realization. It made sense why his friend was lonely. He had no one.

Much like… Phillip himself had had no one, not that long ago. Before P.T. himself came along and, quite literally, swept Phillip up off of his feet.

“Why don’t you stay with me?”

The words escaped before Phillip could even think to hold them back.

They sat in silence for a moment. Then, P.T.’s eyes slowly rose to meet his.

It suddenly felt as if someone had shoved a ball of cotton down Phillip’s throat. His face grew pink and hot.

“Phillip, I couldn’t impose—“

The words flew out before Phillip could think about them. “You wouldn’t be imposing.”

“You don’t have to—“ the ringmaster started.

“You pulled me from a fire, P.T.”

You changed my life.

“It’s the least I could do.”

*

It wasn’t until they’d already arrived at Phillip’s apartment that he realized maybe this was a bad idea.

After being cut off from his family’s wealth and donating most of his savings to help rebuild the circus, Phillip didn’t exactly live in the mansion expected of a Carlyle. He could already feel his face heating up as he unlocked the door and swung it open. Though he’d known his apartment was small, he hadn’t exactly been aware of his cramped living space until that very moment.

“It’s not much,” he started, “and I might need to clean a little, but—“

“It’s fine, Phil.” P.T.’s hand on his shoulder calmed him and he relaxed. “I couldn’t thank you enough.”

“I hope we have enough food,” Phillip fretted, nervously wetting his lips with his tongue. “They’re saying that the storm we’re supposed to get is gonna be a big one.”

“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” P.T. chuckled, stepping into the apartment. “Now, aren’t you going to give me the grand tour?”

“It’s not much,” Phillip repeated, once again embarrassed by his poor living conditions.

P.T. nodded, seeming lost in thought. He wandered the apartment with his eyes, scanning the bookshelf across the room. 

He paused.

A light smile curled his lips. He chuckled.

“What?” Phillip asked fretfully.

“Is that a snow globe, Phil?”

Phillip followed P.T.’s gaze and he flushed. The snow globe sat at the end of one of Phillip’s shelves. Sometimes he shook it before bed at night and watched as the tiny flakes twirled ‘round and ‘round.

“Err… yes. It was… one of the only gifts my mother gave me as a boy,” Phillip admitted.

P.T. frowned. “I’m sorry.”

Wanting to change the subject, Phillip blurted, “Er, there’s… only one bedroom.”

“Oh?” P.T. quirked an eyebrow. Phillip looked away quickly.

“It’s fine. I’ll take the couch.”

*

 Phillip jerked awake at the sound of the shriek. He shot upwards and fell to the floor, groaning as his shoulder grazed the table and his head struck the floor.

He wasn’t on the ground for long. Scrambling to his feet, albeit somewhat dizzily, he hurried toward P.T.’s bedroom and pounded on the door.

“P.T.? Are you all right?” he called, trying not to yawn mid-sentence.

A minute passed with no answer, no sound whatsoever, and Phillip started to grow worried. Before he could panic too much, though, the door swung open and he was greeted by a half-asleep P.T. Barnum.

“Phillip,” P.T. sighed. “I’m… sorry, I suppose I should have warned you.”

“Warn me? About what?” Phillip asked, rubbing his eyes to keep awake. 

P.T. motioned him into the bedroom and he followed, joining the ringmaster as he sat at the edge of the bed.

“These sheets look like you’ve abused them all night,” Phillip chuckled. The sheets in question were tangled and balled up. P.T. awkwardly cleared his throat as he nodded.

“I’ve had… night terrors ever since Charity left with our girls,” he admitted. “Terrors about… everything, from the girls not remembering me, to reliving that dreadful fire. I thought that… since I was sleeping in a different place they’d go away, but they didn’t, and I scared you. I’m sorry, Phil.”

“It’s not your fault,” Phillip mumbled. “What was… tonight’s about?”

P.T. gulped.

“The fire,” he admitted. He wouldn’t look Phillip in the eye, but Phillip noticed the man’s hands were shaking. Hesitantly, he reached out and took P.T.’s hand in his.

The ringmaster looked up at him and smiled. It was small and didn’t reach his eyes, but it was something.

“I’m here,” Phillip reminded in a whisper.

“I know,” P.T. mumbled as he pulled his partner into a one-armed hug, “and I can never thank God enough for bringing you back to me.”

*

 Phillip startled awake again, realizing this time that he was lying on… something.

Or… someone.

There was a firm arm wrapped around him, holding him close by the waist. As he pushed away and sat up, he realized that the person he’d laid with… was P.T.

“B-Barnum?” Phillip choked, his face aflame with color.

“Phillip,” P.T. hummed in greeting. His hand fell away from Phillip’s waist, but still the younger man stared at it, mortified that he’d been curled around P.T. all night. 

What must the man think of him? 

“Phillip?”

“Huh?” Phillip shook his head and stared at the ringmaster. “I’m s-sorry, I wasn’t listening.”

P.T. chuckled. “I asked if you’d slept well last night.”

“I… yes. I slept… fine.”

He wanted so desperately to get out of this situation, and away from the bed.

The bed that he was… still in… with… with P.T.

Jumping to his feet, Phillip ignored the chill that the cold wood sent zapping up his spine. He didn’t remember removing his shoes — P.T. must have removed them during the night.

“Did it snow at all?” he asked, desperately wanting to change the subject.

“See for yourself.”

Phillip practically ran to the nearest window and pulled back the curtains.

His jaw dropped.

He didn’t know how much of snow covered the ground, but it was covered. Several inches of snow, as well as a thick, decent layer of ice, covered the ground.

“Well…” Phillip cleared his throat, moving away from the window. “I guess we’re not going anywhere for awhile.”

Shifting nervously from foot to foot, Phillip looked back at P.T. The ringmaster chuckled.

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“No,” Phillip said quickly. “Of course not. But—“

“Relax, Phil. You’re all right with me.”

Phillip nodded, but wandered away from P.T. and into the living room. He pulled a book from the shelf and began to read.

P.T. joined him.

“Anything good?”

“It’s, ah… A Christmas Carol.” 

In truth, he hadn’t been paying much attention to the words on the page. He was trying not to stare at the man he’d invited to invade his little apartment.

“Ah. I should’ve known you were a fan of Dickens.”

Phillip nodded and pretended to go back to his book.

After awhile, his teeth began to chatter.

“Cold?”

“A little,” he mumbled.

The weight on the couch shifted as P.T. got up. He opened a door and began rifling through Phillip’s closet. Phillip looked up, about to protest, when P.T. came back with a blanket in hand and draped it across Phillip’s lap.

“Uh — thank you.”

P.T. smiled and settled on the couch, casually draping an arm across the back. Phillip stiffened as he straightened up, determined not to look up from his book.

“Relax, Phil.”

His shoulders relaxed a little, but he still sat up straight as a board.

P.T. chuckled. “I swear, you’re going to go gray before you’re forty.”

Suddenly, Phillip slammed the book shut and tossed it onto the coffee table. Rising to his feet, he said, “maybe this wasn’t such a great idea.”

Sounding genuinely confused, P.T. asked, “What are you talking about?” 

“You… here. Staying here. With me. What are you trying to do to me, Phineas?”

Their eyes widened at the same time. Phillip never called P.T. by his full first name.

“I’m not trying to do anything to you, Phillip. I’m sorry if I’ve led you to believe—“

“I—“ Phillip took a deep breath. “I thought you were upset and lonely ever since you and Charity split. That’s why I invited you here — I didn’t want you freezing at the circus, or alone at the house where she used to live. But ever since yesterday, P.T., you’ve been… acting strange.”

“Acting strange?” P.T. tilted his head.

Phillip couldn’t tell whether or not he was genuinely confused.

“You’ve been… touchy. And… were those night terrors real last night, Phineas? Or were they just — just—“

“Just what, Phillip?”

Phillip sighed and ran his hands over his face, thinking back to that morning when he’d woken up with P.T.’s arm around his waist. He had to will himself not to shiver… in delight?

“Were they just an excuse to get me into bed with you?”

P.T. stared at him. He watched as the ringmaster visibly gulped.

“Of course not, Phillip. I would never—“

“Then what is it, P.T.? I’ve caught you crying and you’ve been acting oddly ever since the circus closed. I just want to know… why.”

“I’m sorry,” P.T. mumbled.

“What?”

Of all the things Phillip had expected P.T. Barnum to say, apologizing was not among that list.

“You’re right, Phillip. I’ve been acting like a fool, especially lately. But it’s… of no fault of your own. I did not mean to drag you into my… complications.”

“Complications?” Phillip echoed. What did that mean?

Instead of answering, P.T. sighed and rose to his feet. He slipped on his shoes by the front door and grabbed for his coat.

“Wait.” Phillip sprang to his feet. “Where are you going?”

“I’m quite sorry, dear Phillip. I did not mean to intrude – in truth, I have not been acting much like a grown man should. It was childish of me to avoid going home, like a little boy afraid of the dark. I’ll be going now.”

“P.T., wait.” Phillip reached for P.T.’s shoulder.

P.T. turned around. Hazel eyes boring into Phillip’s blue.

“You—“ Phillip gulped. “You can’t go. You’ll freeze before you ever make it home.”

“You’re forgetting I lived on the streets for years, Phillip. I think I can manage getting myself home.” He turned back toward the door.

Phillip grabbed P.T. again. Managed to turn him around, P.T.’s eyes flashing.

“I – I don’t want you to go.”

The ringmaster’s eyes softened. His lips parted in confusion, but, for once in the older man’s life, no words came out.

“Please, don’t leave. I’m sorry. You’re fine here with me. Don’t go.”

P.T. continued to stare at him.

“I don’t want you to go.” 

P.T.’s lips on his sent an electric jolt throughout the young playwright’s back. He took a tiny jump back, to which P.T. started to pull off, an apology ready at his lips. But once the fog cleared from Phillip’s mind, once he realized that P.T. kissed him, was kissing him, a sigh escaped his lips and he wound his arms around P.T. and he pulled him down, closer, closer, until their lips once again touched. 

Their kiss was light at first, soft as a butterfly’s wings against Phillip’s skin. He closed his eyes and pulled P.T. closer still, humming as he felt the ringmaster’s arms wrap around him, holding him in their embrace. This time, he welcomed the older man’s hold instead of shying away from it. He wanted to cling to him and never let go.

It was the ringmaster who eventually pulled away first, chuckling as Phillip whined and turned his head to burrow into P.T.’s neck. P.T. gave Phillip a light squeeze and tilted the younger man’s face up to lightly press a kiss against his brow.

“Are you sure about this, darling?”

A shiver ran down Phillip’s spine at the nickname. He felt his face grow warm, but he gripped P.T. and rested his cheek against the man’s chest.

“P.T., you – you changed my life,” he murmured, vocalizing his thoughts from yesterday aloud.

P.T. hummed, but did not respond, waiting.

“I’m terrified. My parents, the press, we’ll have to…” He paused, rephrasing. “If we choose to pursue… whatever this is, we’ll have to hide it from all of  them. But—“

“But?” A light smile curled the corners of P.T.’s lips.

“I’ve never been sure about anything more.”

P.T. held Phillip close, delivering another light kiss, this one to the top of Phillip’s head. The younger man sighed and his eyes wandered, once again catching sight of the snow globe they’d discussed the night before. The bookshelf that served as its perch was placed directly by a window that looked out upon the winter wonderland that’d taken claim of their city.

At the feeling of P.T.’s fingers running through his hair, Phillip sighed. 

“It’s scary,” he mumbled. His eyes remained on the little snow globe. “But I’m… willing to risk it, if you are.”

He could sense P.T.’s smile without having to look at him.

“For now, though, it’s just you and me… in our own little wonderland.”

[kidobebes]

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[clearlyafandomblog]

Some context for anyone who doesn't get the joke:

The Greatest Showman is a wildly ahistorical account of PT Barnum's life. PT was, by most measures, a bag of assholes. His very first "act" was Joice Heth, a slave he had purchased from another exhibitioner (technically, to circumvent anti-slavery laws in New York at the time, he was leasing her). He claimed she was George Washington's wet nurse, and thus over 150 years old. He purportedly pulled her remaining teeth to sell this lie better, but there were plenty of skeptics, so he promised to have her autopsied after her death to prove his claims.

He charged fifteen hundred people fifty cents apiece to watch her autopsy, and when the surgeon announced his findings (that she was not, infact, anywhere close to 100 years old, let alone 161), PT claimed that the woman on the table wasn't her, and that she was actually on tour in Europe. He admitted to the lie much later, as he often did with his hoaxes.

He was a conman, and even worse, a politician. He helped pass the anti-contraception laws that remained in place in Connecticut until 1965. In fairness, he also spoke for the ratification of the 13th Amendment before the legislature, endorsing the abolishment of slavery - but, y'know, only after public opinion had already turned and he'd made over a thousand dollars a week exhibiting a slave woman who was blind, toothless and mostly paralyzed.

None of this is mentioned in the movie, and the complicated relationships between PT and his "freaks" is reduced to a "he entered high society and changed, man" narrative. His performers had varied opinions on him, and it's worth mentioning that one of the few who held a mostly positive view of him was General Tom Thumb (the stage name of Charles Stratton). He considered Barnum as something of a father figure, given that their professional relationship began when Stratton was five years old. He was smoking cigars and drinking whiskey for his act by age seven. Barnum made Stratton's marriage to Lavinia Warren into a spectacle, and had George Washington Morrison Nutt (stage name Commodore Nutt) stand as his best man, despite the fact that Nutt despised Stratton. He became wealthy in his own right and even bailed Barnum out of money troubles once, becoming business partners with him later on.

The movie also makes the weird decision to throw in a seduction/adultery subplot featuring Jenny Lind, who was by all accounts a lovely person and also a hardcore philanthropist and who only terminated her professional relationship with Barnum due to her discomfort with the aggressive marketing of her tour. Why they decided to vilify this innocent Swedish opera singer instead of just inventing a character whole-cloth (like they do for, like, the vast majority of the other characters), I will never understand.

Barnum's story isn't a rags-to-riches, follow-your-dreams, feel-good fairytale. He was a remorseless charlatan, a slaveowner, an exploitative shithead, and the man himself couldn't have cooked up a better whitewash of his history than The Greatest Showman.

jack skellington watches a movie uncritically

[babyproductsstore]

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[whatiwore]

Room to Grow in a Colorful Boy’s Bedroom

We’re on a roll updating the farmhouse and today I’m so excited to post photos of Felix’s room! While most of my decorating preferences lean towards neutrals, I just love color in kids’ rooms. I incorporated many of the items from Felix’s bright nursery (first here and updated here) from our old house but went bold with colorful walls, ceiling and door. Come on in and lemme show you around!

PAINT

Is it sacrilegious to use paint chips from one company and have them matched elsewhere? If so I’m going to decorating hell because that’s exactly what I did in this room. The pale blue walls are ‘Poolside’ from Benjamin Moore, but filled at Lowe’s using Valspar Signature in a matte finish. Ditto goes for the ceiling (China Blue) and darker walls (Blueberry). I’ve used a couple of brands of paint in the past month and I think the middle range paints are very comparable. But if you want the Cadillac of paint, Aura from Benjamin Moore is really superior (I used it on his door in Yosimite Blue and a satin finish) and the coverage and final look are incredible. It’s pricey and I only bought a quart, but it was worth it.

NOTE: I've edited these photos to reflect the paint colors I see in real life, but all screens will display them differently. I absolutely recommend taking home paint swatches before committing to a full gallon!

BED

As you can see, we’ve upgraded to a full sized bed, but we’ve actually had it for a while now. Adam did a ton of research and based on his findings, we bought a Casper mattress (not sponsored, but you can get $75 off if you use my promo code). We also have a foam mattress in our room and I think Felix’s is better. In fact, both parents regularly zonk out in there when we put him to bed and because it doesn’t have springs, it’s easier to Houdini out once he’s off in dreamland. 

Behind it, check out that amazing Jenny Lind headboard. Errr... footboard! I bought it last weekend at this amazing garage sale for... $4.50. The real headboard was falling apart so I asked if I could just take this end. I cleaned it and then painted it using Valspar Signature in Lovely Love Song with a satin finish. I SHOULD HAVE PRIMED IT because it took about five coats. I wanted to apply them thinly as to not get brush strokes (which are still kinda there) but I also came away from it thinking... I found this, I updated this, this is not a factory finish, and I’m ok with that. 

The sheets and quilt are what inspired the painting pallet at the start of this project. Big thanks to my mom who generously bought them for us! We chose the Pillowfort whale watching sheets, a navy bed skirt and a two toned navy quilt (it photographs more colbalt, but it’s a true navy IRL). Again, not sponsored but the quality of the quilt (which has been through the wash three times already) is really lovely and it would be great in an adult’s room too. The two other navy shams were from our linen closet. The rainbow pillow was from our previous nursery, the yellow one came with the Monte rocker and the teddy bear was a gift.

DESK

We found this little wooden desk in the garage and it was made by the original owner of the house! I brought it back to life with a coat of butcher’s block wax and I think it’s perfect for a child’s room! It serves the dual purpose of being a bedside table as well.  The lamp was either a garage or Goodwill find that’s been in the nursery all along. I covered the shade for Bea Bea’s nursery (which, sorry, I never got good photos of!) in the wide yellow stripe. The ABC print was also in her nursery and I updated it with a little washi tape.  I also updated the chair. You might remember it from my Instastories a while back. I found a set of four and at the time we were considering furnishing the old house as an Air BnB rental. These were going to be the dining room chairs.  Now that we’re set to close on that house, I had them here for a project. I spray painted it a bright yellow, which took about 4-5 coats to get in all of the nooks and cranies. I’m glad I did though! It’s a nice pop next to the wooden desk. The map print trashcan is a second hand vintage find from years ago.

THE ROCKER

Babies love being rocked to sleep and I have nursed both of my kids hundreds of times in this rocking chair. I bought it before I had a million other things to spend money on, and truth be told, it’s pricey. I justified it by thinking it would be a nice addition to any room in the house eventually and I think that’s still true. It’s on sale at Land of Nod if you’re so inclined to check it out.  I designed and made the rainbow quilt and the yellow and white blanket was a gift to my mom when she was pregnant with me. The little fox was also a gift (side note! I saw our little fox again this morning! I have such a huge crush on him!!!!)

CURTAINS

We’ve got mega wide (128″) windows, so it took four panels to span across. We bought navy and white striped blackout curtains (also Pillowfort from Target). The curtain rod was repurposed from our living room and I painted it the same dark blue as the back wall - it practically disappears! 

TOYS

You don’t see a lot of toys here... because they’ve all been in storage for a couple of months. It’s amazing how little kids need and how much they can imagine on their own. In addition to “my giraffey friend” (baby shower gift), the fire truck (from Nana, found at a garage sale) and some wooden stacking and bead toys (similar), we have blocks and trains in the family room. Eventually we’ll rotate in some of his old toys, but less is more with that one for us.

BOOKCASE

The bookcase was made by my dad and Adam before Felix was born. It’s filled with his books and stuffed animals that we’ve received as gifts. Honestly it’s usually a sort of mass collection of books and not well organized, so I just took everything out, stacked books into rainbow colors and placed them back in that way. I’m calling it clean/semi-styled. I promise you it will not look like this a week from now, but hey! if he’s grabbing books and “reading” them I’m not complaining!

The vintage pull down school map is something I’ve wanted in a kid's room for a long time and I had seen it at an antique store a while back. After we painted the walls, I kept thinking about the map and luckily it was still available!! One thing I’ve realized is that if you see a second hand piece you love, get it then and there! Etsy also has some of these beauties if you don’t want to treasure hunt forever to find one! The colors on ours happen to match perfectly and it was a complete accident! I originally had it over the dresser/changing table, but both kids (especially Bea) played with it and while it’s not an old antique, it’s too nice to potential get poop on. Ha! It also matches the width of the book shelf better, and I love how it just pops off the wall!

DECORATIONS

I haven’t done much in the way of putting stuff on the walls besides the map and the kitty prints over the bed. Those are also from Felix’s nursery. I used bright poster board and cat treats to get these shots of our Raymond and Gizmo and are printed on canvas. We also kept the rainbow balloon Adam and I bought on our last solo vacation before kids and we still love it! 

I’m so in love with this room! It’s absolutely possible to make an update incorporating sentimental nursery items with practical pieces that will grow into boyhood. Thanks to my parents helping us out, I only bought paint, the vintage map and the new headboard specifically for this space! Everything else was brought along from the nursery or repurposed from elsewhere in the house!

GET THE LOOK

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[fandoms-equal-life]

Rewriting Their Stars Once Again - The Greatest Showman Fanfiction

Chapter 2: A Combination of Panic and Wonder

Originally Posted on Ao3: 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/13365846/chapters/30845328#workskin

Summary:

Phillip has heard the news of Anne’s pregnancy, so what now?

Notes:

Thank you all so much for your comments and kudos! This fanfic got 1390+ hits in a week and I have never even written a fanfic before. It amazes me! Now that I’m not a nervous wreck like I was when posting the first chapter let me clear some things up!

1. I realize that periods are an actual sign of pregnancy, but my brain is weird, and I thought about how awful it would be to do trapeze pregnant.

2. To clear the timeline up for anyone wondering, a lovely reader named Madi told me that P.T. met Jenny Lind in 1849, so the movie most likely takes place a couple years before and after that. So, I’m placing these first chapters in December 1853.

Please leave comments about what you think! I love hearing feedback!

Chapter Two: A Combination of Panic and Wonder

Pregnant.

Never in a million years did Phillip Carlyle think he would be a father.

With his role model of a father, especially.

As he sits on the ground with Anne sobbing in his arms, he has no idea how to react. He is elated. Absolutely elated. He loves Anne with all his heart and would do anything to make her happy.

But they couldn't have picked a worse time to get pregnant.

The circus isn't doing as well as he would like.

The last couple months, the crowds have started to decrease. No matter what Phillip tries: new performers, new dance numbers, cheaper tickets, the crowds are not as big as they used to be.

When Barnum retired a couple years ago, (that's what he calls it, but all the circus performers know he'll always come back for more) he gave half of the show's income to Phillip, but all of the responsibility. He manages the money, advertisements, random problems (including any animal related ones), and all the performers. He loves his job, but lately there is more responsibility than he usually handles. First, he gave the original performers a raise because, at the time, the circus was doing very well. They deserved it and he wanted to show his immense gratitude for their beautiful show. Next, the rent on the docks was raised. Not by much, but enough to get his problems started. When summer ended, and the children went back to school, the crowds started to lessen, and the financial problems started to grow. Now he was dipping into his own savings to keep the circus running smoothly.

Phillip chalked it up to the people of New York lacking imagination at the moment. The rising tensions between the North and the South is putting a damper on every soul. No one wishes to share their imaginations and wonder, even if right now is the perfect time to get lost in the magic of the circus.

The oddities knew nothing of the struggles that the circus was facing, not even Barnum. Phillip has been keeping everyone extremely distracted. He gives Barnum and all the performers the correct amount of money each month, even if that means placing less money into his own bank account. He lies to the performers about the number of tickets sold each night, tells the Barnum family to come on Saturdays when he knows the most people will be there, and he sends the circus performers out to celebrate so he can manage any problem alone. He knows he can ask the circus for help, as they are his family, but he refuses to do so.

People might say it is his ego making him do this, but really all Phillip wants is to see the happy faces of his family. Lettie belting out a song, Tom riding his horse and shooting his gun, and Anne flying through the sky with her brother are what bring him the most joy in life.

Phillip honestly thought his plan to keep the circus running was working smoothly. He had bought Anne this small apartment about a year ago, knowing that she would not want to be far from the circus or someplace extravagant. Also, due to the fact that people are cruel and judgmental towards Anne and Phillip's relationship, finding a place to live is not an easy task. Phillip always has enough money to pay rent, keep plenty of food on the table, buy any necessities, and to spoil Anne a little (she always states that he hates when she spoils her, but that look in her eye and smile on her face when she tells him off says otherwise). Besides the fact that he could tell Anne was somewhat worried that he started to work on Sundays, Phillip thought everything would be fine until summer came.

Phillip did not think he would need large sums of money at the place his life is right now.

But currently, the best thing in his life was crying on the ground while Phillip was staring at the wall, thinking of the secrets he holds.

He knew he had to compose himself for Anne. Pretend the circus was not a mess and that he was ready for their life to change in an instant. He knew that Anne did not enjoy losing control in situations, so that was one reason this was upsetting to her. They were young, in love, and worked for a circus, this is not the exact life a normal pregnant couple would have.

Finally, after slightly composing himself, he picked Anne up and carried her to the couch. He sat down, placed her in his lap, and held her until she was ready to talk.

After about 10 more minutes of panic and tears, Anne started to feel better. She shifted to the seat next to Phillip and looked up at him.

Phillip knew he needed to say something. He wanted to say something comforting and assuring, but in his current state, what actually came out of his mouth was, "Pregnant, huh?"

At that, Anne started to laugh. She had so much anxiety built up in her after that doctor's appointment that he could tell she needed this laugh.

After Anne stopped laughing at Phillip's question, he asked her to explain what happened the doctor's appointment.

"Well, I think the doctor thought I was ditzy because as he started asking me questions about my symptoms, and all the signs were pointing to pregnancy. Besides the vomiting, I have felt out of touch with my emotions. The other day, W.D. ran into my shoulder when passing me in a rush, and I almost bit his head off! Plus, I have not bled in two months, which I know is not something we usually discuss, but it is usually very irregular anyways so the thought of conceiving a child never crossed my mind-

"When the doctor told me I was pregnant, I was transported into a different world. The only thing I could do is look at the wall. Charity - bless her heart - rushed the doctor out of the room and asked all the questions. She was the one that told me I was about two months pregnant, almost three. She also told me the horrible morning sickness would most likely fade in a about a month, but pregnancy is different for everyone."

Anne was talking so fast that Phillip was having a hard time keeping up. He was too young to remember the birth of his baby brother, so all of this is just as new to him as it is Anne. When she finished talking, it took Phillip a minute to comprehend what she said.

When Phillip did not know how to respond he did the last thing Anne would expect, he kissed her.

She most likely thought he would run his hand through his hair or start pacing the living room, one of the many bad habits he has obtained once he stopped drinking.

Instead, he kissed her with so much love and passion, he knew by the way her body melted into his that she felt content for the first time in hours. This is what they both needed in that moment, the feeling as if nothing could stop them when they put their heads and hearts together.

When they separated, Phillip smiled at his love. She no longer looked as distressed, and this brought him great joy. In that moment, he knew he had to somehow fix the circus's problems before the baby is born. He wants their child to see the magical place Phillip and Anne created and be proud of their masterpiece. He wants a life of love and wonder for this baby that he never had.

After a few seconds of smiles and silence, Phillip asked a very important question, "When we tell the circus about the newest addition, can we place bets on the sex of the baby?"

~~

Anne told Phillip it is traditional to wait until the mother is 3 months pregnant to tell the family, but Phillip is acting like a kid on Christmas thinking about announcing the news.

"Charity wouldn't tattle on us, so P.T. and the girls do not know of the news. Caroline and Helen are going to be so excited for a little sibling! Caroline will have someone else to boss around and Helen won't be the baby of the circus anymore! W.D. is probably going to hate me at first, but then realize he will be an uncle. I'm kind of hoping Lettie bursts into song, is that an odd wish?

The shine in Phillips eyes are so bright. He is so excited. Anne knows there is a part of her that is excited too, but worry is taking over her mind. The first thing freaking her out is the size of their apartment. She knows that Phillip owns half of the circus, which means they can buy a bigger place, but this is New York. Houses are expensive, plus Phillip is a white man with a colored woman, who knows who would serve them. Also, the home needs to be near the circus. Plus, Anne has noticed that Phillip has been spending considerably large amounts of time at the circus lately. He used to never work on Sundays, the circus's day off, but lately he will leave early Sunday mornings while Anne was still asleep and come back home before noon. He also stopped celebrating with the performers after shows. He would always insist that he would catch up with them, but then he never showed. Anne would come home to Phillip fast asleep. Some people think it is because of his old alcohol problem, but Anne knows he is stronger than that. Now that Anne thinks about it, this is the brightest Phillip has smiled in a couple months.

There are so many things running through her head right now, she can only imagine what her headspace will be like at four months or six months, or even at nine. There is so much preparation for this little life before it enters the world. Phillip might be ecstatic, but Anne feels the weight of the world on her shoulders.

Chapters 1 ~ 3 ~ 4 ~ 5 ~ 6 ~ 7 ~ 8 ~ 9 ~ 10 ~ 11

[phonesep]

DaVinci Jenny Lind Changing Table in White

DaVinci Jenny# Lind Changing Table in White

DURABILITY: 2 spacious cabinets that may maintain all of the diapers, lotions, baskets, and extra. We have constructed this altering desk with options like stronger shelf bottoms to make it sturdier and long-lasting

QUALITY MATERIAL: Made from strong sustainable New Zealand pinewood and TSCA compliant engineered wooden -only one of the best on your child

FOR YOUR BABY’S SAFETY: Say goodbye to…

[johnhuffman01]

Three Lambs offers an Oribel Cocoon Delicious High Chair that can be reclined and height adjusted in many ways that fit your baby as well as your toddler. We also provide a jenny lind changing table that is a comfortable changing surface for your little one. We also offer baby products like a stroller, travel bag, bottle sanitizer, baby teether, and many others. For more details visit us online at https://www.threelambs.ca/

[andylocksmithtipsntricks]

Best Baby Cribs of 2020

Best Convertible Crib

DaVinci Kalani 4-in-1 Convertible Crib

Read Review

Affordable

Sustainable

Affordable

Sustainable

View on Amazon

Read Review

Best Traditional Crib

DaVinci Jenny Lind Stationary Crib

Read Review

Vintage design

10 color choices

Vintage design

10 color choices

View on Amazon

Read Review

Most Stylish

Babyletto Hudson 3-in-1 Convertible Crib

Read Review

Easy assembly

Included conversion kit

Easy assembly

Included conversion kit

View on Amazon

Read Review

Last Updated: 2 days ago

We rounded out our top three baby crib picks with the stylish Hudson Babyletto convertible crib and added updated pricing to help you give your wee ones a good night's sleep.

Find the best baby crib to keep your little one safe and well rested. We looked at traditional cribs, 4-in-1s, and more to find the top cribs for your bambino. Color, style, price, and brand were considered, as well as safety features like durability, chemical-free construction, and environmental impact.

Here's a Roundup of the Best 7 Baby Cribs

1. DaVinci Kalani 4-in-1 Baby Crib

2. DaVinci Jenny Lind Baby Crib

3. Babyletto Hudson 3-in-1 Baby Crib

4. Delta Children Canton 4-in-1 Crib

5. Dream On Me Stationary Side Crib

6. Bloom Alma Urban Folding Baby Crib

7. RH Colette Tufted Baby Crib

Compare the Top 7 Baby Cribs

We looked at everything from price and safety standards to environmenal sustainability to help you make the right choice for your new addition. All of our featured cribs sell the mattress separately and are made of chemical-free materials.

Check out how they line up on other relevant factors.

Crib Price Warranty Conversion Kit Included Hardware Hidden Color Options Safety Standards Learn More

DaVinci Kalani 4-in-1 Convertible Crib DaVinci Jenny Lind Stationary Crib Babyletto Hudson 3-in-1 Convertible Crib Delta Children Canton 4-in-1 Convertible Crib Dream On Me Stationary Side Crib Bloom Alma Urban Mini Folding Crib RH Baby & Child Colette Tufted Crib $219.00 $219.00 $378.99 $249.99 $423.99 $391.00 From $1449.00 1 year 1 year 1 year 1 year 3 months 2 years Unknown X No N/A ✓ Yes ✓ Yes N/A N/A X No ✓ Yes X No ✓ Yes X No X No ✓ Yes ✓ Yes 7 10 5 6 6 5 Customizable GREENGUARD Gold CPSC ASTM GREENGUARD Gold CPSC ASTM GREENGUARD Gold CPSC ASTM CPSC ASTM JPMA certified CPSC ASTM JPMA certified CPSC ASTM GREENGUARD Gold View on Amazon View on Amazon View on Amazon View on Amazon View on Amazon View on Amazon Visit Site

{ "@context": "http://schema.org", "@type": "Table", "about": "" }

Amazon.com List Price as of 12/17/19 2:17 p.m. MST. (Full disclaimer)

Best Baby Crib Reviews

DaVinci Kalani 4-in-1 Convertible Crib

View on Amazon

DaVinci is known for making beautiful baby furniture that can stand the test of time. The Kalani 4-in-1 convertible crib is no exception. Made of sustainably sourced New Zealand pine wood, this crib features gentle curves and your choice of high-quality finishes.

The classic styling makes this the perfect piece of furniture to grow with your child. With the purchase of a conversion kit, you can expand the crib to a toddler bed and then to a full-size bed your child can use through college and beyond.

We just wish it were easier to put together. Assembly is a two-person job—and it can take a couple of hours to complete.

Pros

Affordable

Sustainable

Equipped with toddler rail

Cons

Difficult to assemble

Easy to scuff up

DaVinci Jenny Lind Stationary Crib

View on Amazon

This charming standard crib remains on our list for the second consecutive year. Thanks to its high expert and customer rankings (it has 4.5 stars on Amazon), the Jenny Lind Stationary Crib remains one of the most-recommended cribs on the market.

We like the accessible price point (it’s under $225), adjustable mattress positions, and wheels that transform this crib into a moveable piece of furniture. But there are some concerns about how stable it is for toddlers.

Pros

Vintage design

10 color choices

Conversion kit option

We Don't Like

Cons

Wheels that don’t lock

Reports of safety concerns as babies become more mobile

Babyletto Hudson 3-in-1 Convertible Crib

View on Amazon

Not only is this one of the most stylish convertible cribs we found, but it’s the only one on our list that includes the conversion kit upfront.

That means you don’t have to make an extra purchase when it’s time to take the Babyletto Hudson from crib to toddler bed to daybed. But that inclusion does bump up the price, making this the most expensive convertible crib on our list.

Pros

Attractive and stylish

Easy to assemble

Includes conversion kit

Cons

Susceptible to scratches

More expensive

Delta Children Canton 4-in-1 Convertible Crib

Check Price on Amazon

The Canton convertible crib delivers elegant design and sturdy construction at an attractive price point. Plus, customers report that it’s painless to put together—taking just thirty minutes for most.

The daybed rail and a toddler bed guardrail are included, but you’ll have to buy the full-size bed rails separately. And although this crib meets safety standards, some parents noted that the spaces between the slats are wide enough for tiny limbs to fit through.

Pros

Converts to full-size bed

Includes 3-position mattress

Features non-drop side for safety

Assembles easily

Cons

Has wide gaps between slats, which little legs and arms can fit through

Has visible hardware

Dream On Me Stationary Side Crib

View on Amazon

If your baby spends a lot of time away from home, this folding crib is a smart way to keep baby safe and comfy at nap or bedtime. It’s a full-size crib that folds flat. And there’s no disassembly required.

The Dream On Me Stationary Side Crib also comes with two-position mattress support, a non-drop side, and locking wheels. Our biggest issue is tricky assembly—we recommend calling in someone handy to help with this one.

Pros

Ability to fold flat

Locking wheels

Safe, non-drop side

Cons

Complicated assembly

Hit-and-miss customer service

Bloom Alma Urban Mini Folding Crib

View on Amazon

The Bloom Alma Urban Mini Folding Crib was made for people who are short on space or living in tiny apartments. Its miniscule footprint means you can tuck it into a corner and then fold it up easily when it’s not in use. Lockable casters make it easy to safely roll from room to room.

If you need a reliable, safe, and cute crib that doesn’t take up much room, this is it. But the small size means you’ll be shopping for a new bed by baby’s first birthday.

Pros

Compact for urban spaces

Easy to move

Foldable

Cons

Not for toddlers

Expensive

Best Baby Crib Splurge

As we dove into the world of cribs, we came across some pretty amazing pieces of furniture. It was hard to resist the allure of these lavish cribs, so we decided to give you a glimpse into the land of luxury baby sleepers. Here’s our favorite crib for splurging.

RH Baby & Child Colette Tufted Crib

Visit Site

If you want to create a nursery that even William and Kate’s (or Harry and Meghan’s) brood would envy, then this decadent crib should be your pièce de résistance.

Inspired by a Louis XV antique, the intricate carvings and luxurious upholstered sides simply scream opulence. You can select the fabric (Belgian linen or vintage velvet) for a bespoke crib that’s one of a kind, but make sure you truly love it because there are no cancellations on custom orders.

At more than $1,400, it’s one impulse buy you don’t want to regret. Fortunately, you can buy a separate conversion kit to keep the splendor going through your little royal’s toddler years.

Pros

Customizable design

Heirloom quality

Professional assembly available

Cons

Exorbitant price tag

No cancellation policy

Toddler bed conversion kit sold separately

Things to Consider When Buying a Baby Crib

It’s been nearly a quarter of a century since I had to worry about a place for little ones to rest their heads, and I was wowed by the changes and advances made to cribs over the past couple of decades—they’re a whole lot cooler and so much safer.

Plus, things that we took for granted just twenty years ago (drop-sides, cute baby bumpers) are nonexistent today thanks to improved safety standards. To make sure you keep your precious one as safe as possible, we delved into the questions you need to ask before tucking your baby in.

Should I Buy a New or Used Crib?

As a college student, I was all about saving a few bucks, so I bought a used crib for my first child. At the time, I wasn’t aware of the potential risks of slats with gaps that were too wide, dropping sides that could trap little arms or legs, or even the presence of lead paint. I was focused on finding something cute that I could afford.

When you’re looking at a piece of furniture that your child is definitely going to outgrow, it’s hard to justify investing in a brand-new bassinet or crib. Fortunately, my penny-pinching purchase didn’t result in any harm to my daughter, but looking back I would do things differently.

That’s not to say that it’s never okay to buy a used crib, but you need to make sure it meets current safety standards and hasn’t been damaged in any way.

Some things to look for if you’re thinking about a used crib include the production date of the crib, slats that are no greater than 2 3/8 inches apart, loose posts or knobs, exposed screws and nuts, and any sharp edges or rough wood. You should test the crib to make sure it isn’t wobbly, which could indicate weakened hardware and joints. Peeling paint is another hazard to watch out for.

What Kind of Crib Mattress Should I Get?

Most cribs don’t come with a mattress, so this is an extra purchase you need to make. The safest (and simplest) way to decide on a crib mattress is to find out if the maker of your crib also produces a mattress. This guarantees the right fit, which is crucial to keeping your baby safe while they slumber.

Whether you buy a mattress designed for your crib or one sold by another brand, there are ways to determine a proper fit. Full-size crib mattresses are required to be 27 ¼  inches wide by 51 ⅝ inches long. The mattress needs to be no thicker than 6 inches. You should also manually check the fit once the mattress is inside the crib—if you can fit more than two fingers between the frame and the mattress, it doesn’t fit.

Another thing to check is the materials used in the mattress. You’ll likely buy either an innerspring mattress or a foam mattress—both types are common for cribs and safe to use.

You also want chemical-free mattress construction, including any mattress supports. Watch out for use of MDF (medium-density fiberboard) boards, which contain a low level of formaldehyde. There is a permissible amount of formaldehyde that is considered safe, but if you want your nursery to be 100% nontoxic, this is one area where you should pay close attention.

You may also consider a double-sided mattress—especially if you have a convertible crib. These mattresses are designed to provide maximum safety and comfort as your baby grows from an infant into a toddler. The infant side is firmer to provide safe rest for your bambino. When they get older, you can flip the mattress to the softer side, which is more comfortable for a toddler.

What Are the Benefits of a Convertible Crib?

As noted earlier, it’s hard to invest in a piece of furniture that will become obsolete in as little as two years—even if it is for your darling baby. One way to extend the life of your investment is to purchase a convertible crib.

These cribs, also known as 3-in-1 or 4-in-1 cribs, let you convert your baby’s crib into different sizes of beds that can serve them throughout their childhood and sometimes into adulthood.

The most obvious benefit is the longevity of your initial crib purchase. Instead of having to get rid of outgrown furniture and buy something new, all you need to do is pick up a conversion kit and a bigger mattress. This also makes other purchases, like coordinating dressers and tables, last beyond the nursery and into an eventual teen bedroom.

Another nice thing about convertible cribs is that they’re usually higher quality because they are built to last longer than just a few years.

If you’re looking at going the convertible route, we recommend opting for a 4-in-1 crib that can work from infancy all the way up until your kid is ready for a full-sized bed. This type of convertible crib also has a daybed option between toddler bed and full size, which makes the transition easier for your child during each stage.

What Types of Crib Accessories Are Safe?

It used to be that cribs were full of blankets, cuddly toys, and accessories like bumpers that protected little heads from getting bruised and kept small arms and legs out of crib slats. But it is now recommended that all your baby needs to sleep safely is a mattress with a waterproof cover under a fitted sheet.

Aside from the fact that blankets, bumpers, and stuffed animals add to the aesthetic of your nursery, it can be tempting to disregard current advice when we all know babies that survived those hazards unscathed. But we believe it’s better to be safe than sorry, so we strongly advise following the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics.

That doesn’t mean the crib has to be completely devoid of personality. There are a number of cute, safe crib sheets that can add to your nursery’s charm—just make sure they are made to snugly fit the mattress.

Beware of hand-me-down sheets that may have lost their stretch. In place of blankets, use a swaddle wrap or wearable blanket to keep baby snug all night long. Instead of stuffed animals, try a night light that changes colors, projects stars or animal designs onto the walls, or plays soothing sounds and lullabies.

Crib Safety Dos and Don’ts

Your baby will sleep in their crib from the time they’re born until their second birthday. Here’s what you should do to keep your wee one safe while they’re sleeping in a crib.

1. Don’t use bulky blankets or pillows.

When your baby is little, they won’t have much muscle control. If babies roll over onto thick pillows or blankets, they could suffocate. If you’re worried about your baby getting cold, buy warm pajamas or a blanket sleeper. This way, the warmth will come from their clothing and they won’t get caught up in plush items.

2. Do make sure your crib is certified.

Kids can get caught and seriously injure themselves in poorly built cribs. Over the years, safety standards for cribs have evolved, and dangerous cribs and features have been recalled. If you don’t see CPSC, ASTM, or JPMA certification on a crib, don’t buy it.

3. Don’t be afraid to reuse . . . to a point.

If a crib is ten years old or older, don’t use it. The same goes for broken cribs. Modern cribs have safety features older versions do not, so keep your baby safer by using newer and undamaged cribs.

4. Do adjust the mattress height.

Once your child can stand or sit up, you’ll want to adjust the mattress height in the crib. This will keep your baby from falling over the edge of the crib and getting hurt.

5. Don’t use drop-side cribs.

CPSC standards no longer support cribs with drop sides. While the design allowed parents to reach babies more easily, drop sides have been linked to almost three dozen infant deaths. They’re dangerous and should be avoided.

6. Do follow directions.

Following directions while assembling a crib is crucial. If you miss a step or do something incorrectly, it could hurt your baby.

7. Don’t dangle danger.

Keep your baby’s crib away from dangling objects like curtains or blinds. They present a strangulation risk. If you use a mobile, make sure it’s installed high enough that your baby can’t reach it.

8. Do double check everything.

Once your crib is assembled, give it a thorough once-over. Check for jagged edges, loose materials, and defects. Not all products are perfect, so double-checking can prevent a tragedy.

Pro Tip: Shake it off

When testing out a crib in a store, go ahead and give it a good shake. This will let you know if the frame seems loose, which could indicate missing or weak stabilizer bars under the frame. While you’re at it, check for loose spindles or slats and make sure everything is tight and secure.

Safe Crib Alternatives and Accessories

Finding a safe crib or bassinet is just one part of preparing a safe, cozy sleeping environment for your infant. We found these alternative sleeping solutions and safe crib extras that are worth a look.

Product Best for Price Pros Cons Learn More

SwaddleMe By Your Side Co-Sleeper BreathableBaby Mesh Crib Liner Halo Sleepsack Swaddle Bed-sharing with your newborn Protecting baby without suffocation risk Keeping baby warm without a blankie $54.99 $37.49 $27.99 Sturdy frame Breathable mesh sides Mattress pad and fitted sheet included Keeps little limbs from getting stuck Provides maximum air flow Easy access for diaper changes Adjustable fasteners Multiple swaddling options Bulky size that’s a tight fit for queen-size beds Loud vibration feature Fits poorly on portable or mini cribs Limited lifespan, designed for babies under 18 lbs. View on Amazon View on Amazon View on Amazon

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Amazon.com List Price as of 12/17/19 2:17 p.m. MST. (Full disclaimer)

More Baby Resources on SafeWise

Your baby will spend a lot of time in their crib napping and growing, but that’s not the only way they’ll explore the world. If you’re shopping for more baby gear, check out these other safe baby buyers guides.

Best Baby Monitors

Best Car Seats

Best Baby Gates

Make Your Home Ready for Baby

Baby Proof It: A Room-by-Room Guide to Securing Your Home

10 Must-Have Safety Products for New Moms and Dads

8 Tips from a Veteran Mom to Create a Safe Home for Your Newborn

Our Approach

You have enough on your mind with a little one on the way, so we took care of all the research for you. To find the best baby cribs, we dug into industry and product research, evaluating product features, specs, performance, and reviews from parents who’ve used the cribs we recommend. We consulted the CPSC crib safety regulations and made sure each crib on our list was safety certified. Then we chatted with manufacturers to make sure the information we had was accurate. Our top seven cribs were selected from twenty-seven cribs that were initially considered. The ones that made our list stood out for safety, style, and customer satisfaction.

24 hours researched

3 experts consulted

27 products considered

7 mommy blogs scoured

Disclaimer

Amazon.com list price as of 12/17/19 2:17 p.m. MST. Product prices and availability are accurate as of the date/time indicated and are subject to change. Any price and availability information displayed on Amazon at the time of purchase will apply to the purchase of this product. Safewise.com utilizes paid Amazon links.

Certain content that appears on this site comes from Amazon. This content is provided “as is” and is subject to change or removal at any time.

The post Best Baby Cribs of 2020 appeared first on SafeWise.

Article source here: Best Baby Cribs of 2020

[aslanjadecarlyle]

a circus ain't a love story (Barlyle)

I know that, obviously, cars did not exist in the time period the film takes place in. I tried to think of ways to modernize the fic, but couldn't think of anything that I liked. I still wanted to use Getaway Car by Taylor Swift, though — the inspiration struck me after realizing just how Barlyle-esque the song sounds. So, in the case of this fic, the "getaway car" is more of a metaphor than anything! And, of course, I DO NOT own the song or the lyrics, have no association with Taylor Swift, and am not making money in any way using this little oneshot.

Nothing in this oneshot is *too* graphic, but I put an M rating just in case

---

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It all seemed too good to be true. When P.T. Barnum first approached him about joining his circus, Phillip viewed the man's promises as an opportunity to finally escape his parents' iron-clad clutches. After Barnum promised him 10% in all profits earned by the circus, he jumped at the chance to leave his old, stale playwriting life behind.

He didn't realize, then, that when you jump, you're bound to fall.

And when you fall, you break.

He was the best of times, the worst of crimes

I struck a match and blew your mind

But I didn't mean it

And you didn't see it

Phillip always admired the ringmaster's energy, but sometimes the man was too spontaneous for his own good. They got along well until Barnum insisted on leaving to tour with Jenny Lind — a woman who, really, caused much more trouble than she was worth. Their fights leading up to Barnum's departure were too loud, too passionate, and always left Phillip feeling terribly confused. Barnum would storm away in a huff, leaving Phillip to wonder — was this all a game? Had Barnum only used him, used him for his wealth and to get close to Jenny Lind — a woman that he didn't even know?

When Barnum left, Phillip still couldn't clear his mind of his troubling, thunderous thoughts.

But it was after the fire when things really changed.

The ties were black, the lies were white

And shades of grey in candlelight

I wanted to leave him

I needed a reason

It seemed only minutes after the fire that Phillip was released from the hospital and found himself in a confusing, terrifying affair with P.T. Barn — er, Phineas. After Charity and the girls left him, upon hearing the news of his affair with Jenny Lind, it was Phillip that Phineas turned to in a sudden moment of need. Phillip accepted his kisses and affection willingly enough at first, but the man had many troubles — too many, Phillip found, to possibly handle — and Phillip quickly went from being excited for their nights together to being downright wary and hesitant.

Phillip moaned for Phineas, led Phineas to believe that he was who Phillip lusted for, but after the first few couplings, he felt nothing but... detachment. Though he laid willingly with Phineas, he allowed his mind to wander and, on the inside, his heart ached as the older man moaned with release above him. He was left aching (Phineas worked himself up to be so frustrated that he was rarely gentle) and empty afterwards, the furthest from content he could be without being downright forced, as the older man rolled over with a sigh beside him and quickly fell asleep. He never complained when he found that Phillip had gotten up and left the bedroom in the morning — either he didn't remember falling asleep together, or he just didn't care. And, even though Phillip felt no real want for the man, that hurt him more than he'd ever care to let Phineas know.

X marks the spot, where we fell apart

He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself

I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed

We never had a shotgun shot in the dark

If Phineas ever questioned their "relationship" (whatever it could be called), he didn't let on about it. Phillip didn't need convincing that he admired the man — that's what the feeling was, admiration — but he had been a fool to think he could feel anything more for the ringmaster. He was grateful to Phineas for getting him out of a hellish situation — he certainly did not miss his mundane plays or his father's regular beatings — but he'd go mad if he had to fake his way through a romantic or sexual relationship with Phineas any longer. He was almost tempted to tell Phineas that he was lying with one of the other circus acts just to get the man off his back. But, knowing Phineas, he'd surely check with said circus act, and then—

How'd he even end up in this mess in the first place?

He couldn't remember anymore.

You were drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

Sometimes, Phillip would read about his parents in the newspaper. Reading about his father, who had officially 'cut all ties' with him, left a deep, aching wound in his chest. It was because of his father that he ended up at the bar every night, eventually leading to his first meeting with Phineas.

So, really, it was his father that Phillip could thank. Meeting with Phineas had been the perfect getaway, the key to his new life – or so he'd thought.

In retrospect, it probably wasn't a great idea to make business deals when you were near-stumbling drunk and could be easily persuaded by a singing man wearing a top hat.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

It was in a newspaper clipping where Phillip found out about his father's passing. All his breath whooshed from his body and he set the newspaper down on the table before resting his head in his arms.

He didn't realize Phineas was in the room until he heard the deep, rumbling voice ask him if he was all right.

He said he was, but he didn't lift his head from the table.

A firm, strong hand came down to rest on his shoulder and he turned his head to peek at Phineas. The man promised that he'd make it up to Phillip that night, he'd make sure that Phillip forgot all about his father, but they couldn't do anything about it right now. They had a show to run, after all, and they needed to hurry if they didn't want to be late.

Phillip started to get up, started to go for his coat and top hat, but then he paused. He turned to Phineas.

Actually, he said, I think I'll go to the bar tonight.

Phineas stopped, paused as if considering Phillip's words, then slowly nodded. He asked if he should come along.

Phillip said no.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

Going to the bar wasn't the best idea, but Phillip needed to get away. So, he found himself drawn back to the place where it had all began.

He quickly lost track of how many drinks he'd consumed, but thankfully the bartender didn't ask questions. When somebody came through the front doors, his grip on his glass tightened and he looked back at the entry with bleary eyes. For a heart-stopping moment, he thought it was Phineas.

No, not Phineas. Just an older-looking man with salt and pepper hair.

He tried to relax, but try as he might his shoulders remained tense and he sat perched on the barstool as if ready to bolt at any moment. The bartender asked if he was all right.

Another, he demanded.

This time, the bartender hesitated.

I'm paying you, aren't I? Another!

He said a silent thanks when the bartender finally took his glass and filled it. The cool glass between his fingers was a blessing and he didn't hesitate before tipping the drink back and downing it in one gulp.

He got sick before the alcohol had the chance to settle in his stomach.

He didn't remember falling off of the barstool.

It was the great escape, the prison break

The light of freedom on my face

But you weren't thinkin'

And I was just drinkin'

He woke up to a pounding headache and a red-faced Phineas.

What were you thinking?! Phineas demanded.

Phillip groaned and rolled onto his stomach. He was lying in a bed. Their bed? Phineas's bed?

He didn't know anymore.

As Phineas proceeded to demand why he felt the need to get so drunk, Phillip drifted back into himself. He had a skull-splitting headache, but even that was forgotten as he drifted away, away from that room, and away from the circus.

Are you crying? Phineas asked.

With a jolt, Phillip realized that there were, in fact, tears on his face. He lifted his hand and had just looked down to study his wet fingers when he felt Phineas's weight settle next to him on the bed.

Phillip, if there's anything you need to get off your chest—

I can't, he said, looking up.

Phineas paused. Frowned. Waited in silence for Phillip to continue.

I – I... nevermind.

Phillip got up. Swayed a little, dizzy with a hangover, but ignored it and managed to stumble his way out of the bedroom. He had no idea what time it was, if they had a performance coming up, but he didn't care.

All he cared about was getting out of there.

Wait! Phineas called. Where are you going?

I'll see you at the circus.

While he was runnin' after us, I was screamin', "go, go, go!"

But with three of us, honey, it's a side show

And a circus ain't a love story

And now we're both sorry (we're both sorry)

Phillip beat Phineas to the circus. Truth be told, he was very surprised that Phineas didn't try to follow him, but he was also relieved. He knew that he would need to deal with Phineas eventually, but to have even the shortest of breaks was a relief.

He sat on a bale of hay talking with Anne Wheeler, and felt a terrible guilt that started by twisting its way through his stomach and crawling up toward his brain. Anne was beautiful, talented, funny, and smart — everything, he'd thought for years, that he had looked for in a potential bride, before he found himself swept up in the most confusing relationship of his life with a man who had dug his own grave by kissing Jenny Lind. Somehow, he had dragged Phillip down with him.

If the affair with Phineas never started, Phillip wondered, would he have found comfort in the arms of Anne Wheeler?

She was so beautiful as she sat there, smiling and laughing with him. He didn't even know what they were talking about, he was so distracted by—

No. He couldn't think like that.

Even if he did manage to leave Phineas, that meant leaning the circus. He couldn't take Anne away from a world she loved so much.

He planned to leave, and he had already gotten attached to the circus itself. That was hard enough. He couldn't get attached to Anne, too. Hadn't he learned his lesson with Phineas?

The circus was no place for a love story.

X marks the spot, where we fell apart

He poisoned the well, every man for himself

I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed

It hit you like a shotgun shot to the heart

When Phillip finally worked up the courage to tell Phineas that he never felt the... whatever it was supposed to be, between them, it had gone about just as badly as he'd expected.

Phineas stumbled back, as if shot, and stared at Phillip with wide, wild eyes.

What do you mean? Aren't I enough for you?

Phillip watched him, gulped, tried to force words out of his mouth. The anger melted away from Phineas quickly, like snow melting on the first day of spring, and he stumbled back into his armchair with his head in his hands.

Weeping.

Phillip stared. Horrified.

He couldn't do this.

I'm sorry, he whispered.

Phineas looked up. He looked like a child peeking out at Phillip from between his fingers.

Don't leave me, Phineas begged. Don't go.

Silence.

I'll be better. I promise. Please.

Phillip stared. Gulped. Tears gathered in his eyes.

Phineas stared at him, looking miserable.

Phillip's hands shook.

Okay, he whispered.

Okay?

I'll stay.

You were drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

That night, Phineas tried to be better. He tried to give Phillip what he wanted, tried to give more than receive.

It didn't work. Try as he might, Phillip found himself detaching again. Phineas's actions built up a release waiting to uncoil in the pit of his stomach, but Phillip's mind wandered.

He thought of Anne, but quickly shooed her face away.

He thought of the bar. Oh God, the bar — he should hate that place for what it had done to his life, but he found himself longing for it. He longed for a time when he didn't know Phineas Barnum's face from the average Joe next door.

When he cried, Phineas thought it was because of his performance. Letting out a slight, contented grunt, Phineas kissed Phillip's forehead after they'd finished before rolling off of him.

That night was the first night that Phineas pulled Phillip close as he drifted off to sleep. But Phillip stayed awake, wide awake and unmoving, staring at the blank, black wall.

Phineas's arms felt like chains around his torso.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

Why him?

That was one of the many things that Phillip couldn't figure out.

Why had Phineas selected him to help run the circus, to become close with, to lie with? He supposed that he could understand Phineas from a business aspect — his family's money certainly helped, and even after he died Mr. Carlyle had left him a (very) small amount — but he couldn't understand what had happened to lead Phineas to Phillip in a more... physical way.

The man loved women, did he not? He had been married to Charity for years, and only split because he'd been kissing another woman. Not a man.

So. Why. Him?

Phillip was too afraid to ask.

He'd been too afraid to leave him, had been worked down by Phineas's vulnerability, but he had to leave. He had to.

He'd find a way.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

He was a fool.

He was a fool to take that business offer.

He was a fool to associate with P.T. Barnum in the first place.

He'd been blinded by the chance to leave his old life behind.

He didn't think to stop and ponder the consequences.

But even then — how could he have predicted this?

Never in a million years would he have thought himself to be in this situation.

He was suffocating.

Nothing good had come out of this.

Nothing at all.

Phillip closed his eyes.

Blocked out the deep, shuddering gasps from the man above him.

And drifted.

We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde

Until I switched to the other side

To the other si-i-i-i-ide

It's no surprise I turned you in

'Cause us traitors never win

It didn't used to be all bad. Before the fire, and before Jenny Lind, Phillip highly respected Phineas Barnum. The two got along incredibly until their arguments over the tour with Jenny took over all their time together.

Before then, working with Phineas was the most fun Phillip had ever experienced in all his life. They made an incredible duo and were often complimented over their abilities to make the circus a breathtaking experience no matter how often a person went. Phillip believed that crossing over to "the other side" was the best decision he'd ever made.

Oh, how quickly that had changed.

He had a plan now, at least. He had money, he had resources. All he had to do was slip away from Phineas... and leave his circus family behind.

He couldn't think about how difficult that part was going to be, though. He was so close. He could taste freedom on the tip of his tongue, could feel it coursing through his veins. This time, he really couldn't wait anymore.

The next stage of his plan was risky, and terrifying. He waited for a moment when he and Phineas were alone, when Phineas was actually in a rational mindset and not attempting to paw away his clothes.

It was now or never.

Phineas, I was wondering.

Hmm?

Would you like to leave the city with me? Just for the weekend — Lettie can take over the shows.

Phineas stared at him and he held his breath. The ringmaster blinked once. Twice.

Away? With you?

Yes.

Alone?

Yes.

Phineas smiled and visibly relaxed, sinking low into his chair. His smile was soft, his eyes warm. For a moment, staring at Phineas in this state, Phillip thought... maybe I could really love him.

No, he shook his head. No, I couldn't.

Phineas hadn't said anything so Phillip chewed on his lower lip. Well? he asked.

Phineas's eyes sparkled.

I'll fetch us a carriage.

I'm in a getaway car

I left you in a motel bar

Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys

That was the last time you ever saw me

They had booked two rooms, telling the hotel staff that they were there on a 'business meeting,' but Phineas snuck into Phillip's room that night, still incredibly drunk from fooling around at the bar earlier in the evening. Phillip, for once, forced himself to remain totally sober as he watched his former friend and business partner drown himself in alcohol.

When Phineas stumbled into Phillip's room, it was a wonder how he didn't manage to wake up everyone in the motel. Phillip shushed him only with promises of sex, which, of course, flustered Phineas and shut him up near immediately.

Just one more night, Phillip told himself as the tears rolled down his cheeks and wettened his ears. Just one more night and then it's over, you never have to lie with him again.

After Phineas fell asleep, satisfied and drunk, Phillip crawled out of bed and stood on trembling legs. He dressed, grabbed the money, and, with one last look back at Phineas Taylor Barnum, left the room, silent but for the slight 'click' of the door as it closed behind him.

Phillip Carlyle did not look back as he freed one of the horses from the carriage and left the motel behind in the night.

Drivin' the getaway car

We were flyin', but we'd never get far

Don't pretend it's such a mystery

Think about the place where you first met me

The ride was rough, Phillip hadn't ridden a horse in years and certainly wasn't used to horse riding in the dark, but they managed to find another motel in the next town or two over.

Phillip tied up the horse, checked in (it was quite late, but the staff managed to be persuaded with more profit than they'd seen in a week), and crashed as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He dreamt of Phineas that night.

We're ridin' in a getaway car

There were sirens in the beat of your heart

Should've known I'd be the first to leave

Think about the place where you first met me

He woke with a start, but relief flooded his body once he remembered where he was. His body was sore with the after effects of sex and horse riding, but it was also slack with relief.

He was finally free.

Sighing, he got out of bed and dressed. Nobody in the main lobby questioned why he was there — he supposed word hadn't gotten out yet of his leaving the circus — but he made quick business of eating breakfast and checking out.

Now that he had no more obligations to Phineas, the circus, or his parents, Phillip Carlyle was, for the first time in his life, free to do whatever he desired. He had the entire world at his fingertips.

He was thankful to P.T. Barnum and the circus troupe for getting him out of a lifestyle he had no business living, but Phillip realized that that was all they could ever do for him.

Soon, Phineas would become nothing but a distant memory.

In a getaway car, oh-oh

No, they never get far, oh-ahh

No, nothing good starts in a getaway car

It was in a theatre, some months later, when Phillip caught sight of Phineas Taylor Barnum for the first time since his departure. The lights in the theatre were low, the show was about to begin, but Phillip gasped and ducked his head, careful not to let the other man spot him.

Phineas looked like... he'd seen better days. He sat slouched in his seat and kept his head low, avoiding eye contact with those around him. It was the only time Phillip had ever seen Phineas not trying to be the center of attention.

The ringmaster shifted and turned in his seat, and Phillip quickly looked away. After a moment, he attempted to peek at the man from the corner of his eye, but voices erupting from the stage caught his attention instead and he faced forward.

The show was about to begin.

I was ridin' in a getaway car

I was cryin' in a getaway car

I was dyin' in a getaway car

Said goodbye in a getaway car

Phillip tried to sneak out of the theatre earlier, as not to be caught, but was caught up when an actor he knew — a man who'd played lead in one of Phillip's own plays, in fact — spotted him in the hall and stopped to chat. Apparently, he'd been cast as understudy for the male lead, but his use in the play hadn't been needed.

By the time the actor let him go, Phillip was swept up in a sea of people leaving the theatre. He tried to get out, tried to push forward, when—

Phillip?

The stranger's familiar voice pierced his ears and Phillip cringed as he turned around, not quite ready to make eye contact with Phineas Taylor Barnum.

Phineas, Phillip spoke, head bowed.

Phillip — can we talk?

Phillip looked up into those eyes — empty, hollow — for the first time in months, and gulped. He glanced around the still-crowded halls and, though nobody seemed to be paying them any mind, he felt his face redden with nerves.

All right, I suppose, but—

I know somewhere private we can go.

Phillip was surprised. Did Phineas just happen to hang around this particular theatre often?

Still, perhaps against his better judgment, he agreed to go with the crestfallen ringmaster.

Ridin' in a getaway car

I was cryin' in a getaway car

I was dyin' in a getaway car

Said goodbye in a getaway car

What the hell!

Phillip spluttered as he pushed back against Phineas's broad chest, gasping once Phineas's mouth left his. The ringmaster had taken them to an empty room where the theatre stored some of its smaller props. The lock on the door was broken and they'd been able to get inside easily enough.

Phillip had been a fool to think that 'talk' was all Phineas wanted to do.

Phineas... Phillip took a deep breath and closed his eyes. Tears wettened his eyelashes, but he refused to cry in front of the older man. When he opened his eyes again, Phineas wouldn't meet his gaze. I don't... want this... anymore.

Phil—

I thank you, Phillip cut in, and I appreciate all that you did to get me away from my suffocating life in the upper-class. But I can't do this, Phineas. I don't... desire you... in that way, anymore.

But you once did.

Phillip said nothing. He couldn't... because it was true.

What did I do? What can I do to make things good between us again?

Were things ever really good between us, Mr. Barnum?

Phineas flinched at the name, but said nothing.

You used me. I thought, maybe, that I could... learn to love you, or at least lust for you. But, Phin — you used me after you turned your own love life to shambles.

Phineas backed up. He stood against the wall, lips pressed together in a thin line. There was no trace of the extravagant ringmaster Phillip had once known.

Phillip sighed. Took a step forward, causing Phineas to look up hopefully. But, Phillip only reached up to trace Phineas's cheek and shake his head.

It's time for me to move on.

Phillip, please—

Phillip went for the door, opening it a crack before glancing back at the man over his shoulder.

Goodbye, Phineas.

Said goodbye in a getaway car

---

So, that was weird and impulsive and just... what? Lol, but it was my first 'songfic' and I hope you guys liked it! The writing style was fun and different for me to try, too — especially the dialogue, which was highly inspired by the novel The Road by Cormac McCarthy

[kidsplayroomideas]

New on my Pinterest: Kids Book Shelf https://ift.tt/2GhnIG2 : Those old wood Jenny Lind style changing tables you see everywhere at yard sales? Theyre really cute when you spray paint them pink! https://ift.tt/2HkU8zR #kidsplayroomideas