#jay shouts into the abyss

[japplejottomjeans]

except its the ones no one likes

[fangirlfrom-hell]

October 1st and Traditions Gone Wrong || Jay and Will Halstead x Halstead Sister

*re-posting this because I'm stupid and accidentaly delated my blog 🫠

Becca wants to follow the Halstead's tradition, but looks like everything is againt it.

👻🕯🎃🕸🦇⛓🖤🕷🥀🪦🐈‍⬛💀🌙⚰🍁🕸️

"WAKE UP, YOU SNORER!"

Jay abruptly opned his eyes when a hand moved his shoulder with a shout of "HEY!".

"What the--"

"DON'T YOU REMEMBER WHAT DAY IS TODAY?" Becca was on top of his bed, jumping with excitement.

"Um, it's 5:00am on Sunday, that's all I know", her brother answered turning to his side, trying to go back to sleep.

"IT'S OCTOBER 1ST, SILLY! THE BEST TIME OF THE YEAR HAS BEGUN!" She was smiling from ear to ear, extreme happiness could be heard in her voice.

Jay, feeling a bit defeated, reluctantly opened his eyes and gazed at his sister, who was dressed in a pajama adorned with little ghost designs. Despite his initial exhaustion, he couldn't help but break into a warm smile as he turned his eyes to her, feeling a surge of affection and happiness.

"Well, you certainly know how to wake someone up with a bang!" He rubbed his face with his hands. "What's the plan for today, Becca?"

The girl changed her tone to a more serious one. "You're joking, right? It's tradition: we watch 'The Night Before Christmas' while having a Halloween-themed breakfast, silly..."

Then, she switched back to her excited tone: "I ordered these Jack O' Lantern molds to make pancakes..."

"What? How did you order that? With what money?"

"I used your card, but that's not the point! I'll call Will, in case he forgot. He should be the one cooking today." And she hurriedly left the room.

"Sure, he'll be delighted to be woken up," Jay muttered to himself and chuckled.

After a tiring night call, Jay struggled to break free from his bed. He knew Becca wouldn't allow him to go back to sleep. Besides, she was brimming with energy; this date was significant to her, and he didn't want to disappoint her. They had followed this tradition since they were kids, but it had halted when Jay went to war and Will pursued his studies. Jay had resumed it when their mother passed away, primarily for Becca's sake. Will had rekindled his involvement in the tradition only a couple of years ago when he came back to Chicago.

Jay stepped out into the hallway, wearing his own ghost-themed shirt to match his little sister's. He made his way straight to the kitchen to brew some coffee. As he prepared the coffee, a smile crept onto his face when he spotted the box of Jack O'Lantern molds she had bought, fully aware of how much she had been anticipating this moment.

The room remained dimly lit, with most of the lights turned off, but Jay could discern Becca's silhouette on the sofa. She appeared deeply engrossed in a phone call, and Jay couldn't help but sense a tinge of concern. Was she crying? He continued to watch her intently while tending to his coffee, quietly trying to gauge her emotions from a distance.

"..sure, I understand. Yeah, no problem, I already told you I get it. See you later". she said into the phone before hanging up.

A few seconds of tense silence filled the air. Jay waited for her to say something, but she didn't budge from her spot.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, concern evident in his voice.

"Yes," she replied tersely.

"Is Will going to make it?" Jay inquired, though he already knew the answer.

Becca struggled to conceal her emotions, her voice quivering as she responded, "No."

Jay let out a deep sigh and sat down next to her. She was gazing into the abyss with her arms crossed.

"He just got back home from his shift; that's what he said," Becca explained, immitating her brother's voice. "He said he would be here later. I know. He's working, he's tired...but he forgot about it! And now everythingi s ruined! Just for the record, I'm not mad at him, I'm just...sad, I guess."

"Hey! Nothing is ruined, I'm still here!" Jay reassured her.

"But the tradition is with the three of us! We can't do it with minus one!"

"Well, sometimes traditions change, and that's all right, Becc. We used to do this without him, remember? Then he came back, and it evolved to what we have now..." Jay reassured her, understanding the sentimental value of their tradition, but also the way it had adapted over time.

"I guess you are right."

"What I'm trying to say it that if he said he'll come later, and his precense it's so important for you, maybe we can adapt to it. We'll watch 'The Night Before Christmas' in the evening, no big deal. Meanwhile, you and I can select another movie and savor those Jack O'Lantern pancakes. What do you say?"

"Yeah, I like that!" Becca replied with a hopeful smile.

The two Halstead siblings got to work. Together, they cooked the Jack O'Lantern pancakes and prepared hot chocolate for the special occasion. They shared hearty laughter, engaging in playful banter, and soon, Becca's spirits began to lift. Occasionally, Jay would stifle a yawn, and it was impossible for Becca not to notice the dark circles under his eyes; he appeared incredibly tired.

"Thank you for doing this with me," the girl said as they settled back on the sofa. "I know you're exhausted too."

"No problem," he replied sincerely. "There's nothing I'd rather do than celebrate October 1st with you," he winked. "Now, what are we watching?" Jay added, his exhaustion momentarily forgotten.

"Ghostbusters?" Becca suggested with a grin.

Will arrived at Jay's place around 5:00 pm, carrying two big bags filled with Halloween-themed treats and snacks. "This is my way to say I'm sorry," he explained.

"Apology accepted," Becca said, taking the bags.

Everyhting was going well, the Halstead siblings were now together, preparing everything to finally watch the movie. The initial credits appeared: "The Night Before Christmas" and Becca, Jay, and Will started to sing along: Boys and girls of every age. Wouldn't you like to see something strange? Come with us and you will see. This, our town of Halloween...

"Oh, geez! I'm so happy we made it!" The girl said and hugged her bothers.

But like a bad omen, Jay's phone began to ring. Becca turned to him, but he initially decided to ignore the call. It was probably nothing, as it was his day off, and he had explicitly asked not to be bothered, considering the Halstead's celebration. However, the phone rang again, three times in a row, and he couldn't ignore it any longer.

"Halstead", he sighed as he answered the call.

"Oh, God. I should have kept my mouth shout", Becca reproached herself as she paused the movie.

"I'll be there in 15", the detective brother finished the call with an agry tone.

"It's your day off!" Becca stood up, "This is not fair!"

"I know, I know, Beccs. I'm really sorry, but I gotta go to this crime scene".

"Ugh, this day is cursed. It's a stupid tradition, anyway. Who cares?" She stormed off to her room and slammed the door shut.

Becca's heart sank, but not as much as Jay's. He called out, "I'll try my best to be back soon, Becca! I promise!" as he hurried away, his voice filled with regret and determination.

"I'll take care of this, don't worry," Will reassured his brother with a comforting pat on the shoulder before Jay left the place.

Becca's door was opened and when Will peeked his head in, she was sitting at the edge of the bed, weeping the tears that were rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey, munchkin", he slowly approached to her "You know this is not Jay's foult..."

"I know," she turned to face him, her expression troubled. Her voice quivered with a hint of sadness. "But it doesn't make me feel better. I... I always wait for this day because it brings us together. We used to do this with Mom and Dad, and... I don't know." Tears welled up in her eyes as she continued, her voice choked with emotion. "Things started going wrong since this morning. I should have listened to the signs. You two are adults now, with your own lives and jobs, so, of course, you wouldn't have time for these things."

Her words carried a deep sense of disappointment and longing, and her eyes glistened with the memories of cherished family moments that seemed to slip further away with each passing year.

"It's not nonsense," Will assured her, his tone gentle. "You're right. We're not kids anymore, and we have other things to attend to, but nothing, not even work, will ever be more important than you, Becca. You are our priority, and if this tradition is important to you, it's important to us too." He sighed and reached out to hug her by the shoulder. "I apologize for forgetting it; I wanted to make amends by coming in the afternoon. I didn't think it would cause so many problems."

"No, it's not your fault. It is what it is, that's all."

"You waited for me the whole day," Will observed. "May I ask why it's so important that the three of us watch it together?" He inquired, genuinely curious about the significance of their tradition for her.

Becca frowned for a moment, lost in thought, and then she smiled warmly. "It was Mom's favorite spooky movie," she explained. "Somehow, it feels like she's still around when it's the three of us." Her eyes held a mixture of nostalgia and comfort as she shared her toughts.

Will and Becca spent the evening playing board games until they decided to watch another film while waiting for Jay.

"You haven't seen 'Gremlins'?" Will asked incredulously. "How come? Geez, that's it! That's what we're watching now!"

Hours passed by, and Becca's eyes were beginning to close. After all, she had woken up very early to start the day. She realized Jay was not coming back on time, but she still wanted to wait until the very end.

"You should rest," her brother encouraged her.

"It's 10:00 pm. If he gets home, we can still honor the tradition."

"Tell you what: close your eyes and sleep; you look tired. If Jay comes back, I'll wake you up."

"Hmm, will you really wake me up?" She asked, sounding suspicious.

"It's a promise!" he assured her.

As soon as she place her head on her brother's shoulder, she fall asleep.

👻🕯🎃🕸🦇⛓🖤🕷🥀🪦🐈‍⬛💀🌙⚰🍁🕸️

"We shouldn't," murmurs echoed in the distance, almost as if they were part of her dream. "I promised her," another voice chimed in. "Give it a try," someone suggested. "If she doesn't wake up at first, we let her rest."

"Hey, Becc!" Will's voice was now clear and bright. Becca opened her eyes to see her red-haired brother's face in front of her. "Jay's back."

She turned her head and spotted him standing right next to the couch. Her smile was bright, and suddenly, a rush of energy filled her tiny body as she stood up quickly.

"OK, WHAT TIME IS IT?"

"Um, 11:30."

"IT WORKS FOR ME; WE'RE STILL ON TIME TO COMMEMORATE THE TRADITION!" Becca exclaimed with enthusiasm. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? MOVE! MOVE! GET EVERYTHING READY!"

Becca couldn't contain her happiness. It was true; the tradition hadn't gone as usual, but at this very moment, surrounded by her brothers, she felt a warmth that overshadowed any disappointment.

It was true what Jay had said: traditions change with time, and that's perfectly okay. In this case, they had even added two more movies to the celebration. Her brothers had made the effort to be with her on this important day, and she couldn't have been more grateful for their presence. She hugged both of them tightly, cherishing this moment of togetherness and the bonds that meant the world to her.

"I'm glad you both made it".

By the time the movie finished, the clock struck 1:00 am. Becca couldn't stifle a tired yawn, feeling the exhaustion wash over her. She turned to her brothers and was surprised to see both of them fast asleep, their peaceful expressions illuminated by the soft glow of the TV.

A warm, fond smile crept across Becca's face. She stretched her tired limbs, feeling a sense of contentment in this moment. With a gentle sigh, she snuggled up between the two Halstead brothers, her heart filled with love for her family. It had been an unconventional but truly special day, and now, as she closed her eyes, she was ready to join them in a well-deserved slumber, cherishing the bonds that meant the world to her.

👻🕯🎃🕸🦇⛓🖤🕷🥀🪦🐈‍⬛💀🌙⚰🍁🕸️

Thanks for reading. If you liked it, it would help my soul if you give it a like, comment or share 😌♡

[nelfes]

7, 14, 16 for the ask meme thing (Tales)

tales asks (open)

7. favorite main character

I've talked and will talk again about how Shirley is not only my favorite heroine in Tales of, but character in anything. Period. The fact she's a young, female character who deals with suicidal ideation, jealousy, and true anger and is told by the narrative "yes, you should not ignore those feelings" is something truly important to me. I love her most for her mistakes but also her growth <3

If I had to pick a main guy it would be Senel (Legendia bias lol) but Luke is very close. Similar journeys.

BUT!!! Because I wanna ramble, and because she's also very close to my heart. I may be one of the only people who enjoyed Zestiria's anime but think Alisha's arc and character are far better expressed in the game (and dlc). I think she's an amazing hero, and one day will post the fic where she takes center stage because I think she really has what it takes to make that journey.

As things are I am actually quite satisfied with the journey they gave her. In many way it is what I wanted for Estelle in Vesperia. Her learning to navigate politics and acknowledging the darkness in people's hearts while still remaining staunchly pacifist is amazing and she's my favorite knight character in Tales of by far.

14.

I feel liking having Legendia as my favorite game is already an unpopular opinion? And liking Dawn of the New World. (cry laugh emoji goes here) Don't want to be too negative so since it ties into next ask i notp d*zel and rose, so we can go with that. Only positive vibes now~

16 any ships? I am a notorious ship omnivore. If there is a ship tag for a character i like with another chara, I click. All the more so bc I go to shipping for 1. interesting development and psychological stuff 2. not necessarily healthy relationships, laughs

I def have otps tho! My one for Legendia is Chloe/Shirley, but it's faster to type out the characters I DONT ship Shirley with. Shout out to her and Jay <3

I love Colette/Lloyd and Zelos/Sheena from Symphonia and always will.

Abyss has been awhile so it's like uhhh -Natalia/Tear -Guy/Van and Guy/Jade -Anise/Ion but u know. u kno...

For Zestiria Rose/Alisha is my otp but I ship Alisha with Edna and Mikleo as well. For crossovers I also ship her with Chloe, and Jude, and Luke (saw u do the latter as well. tips hat.) Yes many of these r are rp influenced hehe.

14.

[cosmothealien358]

“Cole!”

Jay’s voice cried through the grayish sky, a desperate and tearful shout following the harsh snap of rope. As Cole fell, he briefly glimpsed the look on his best friend’s face, horrified and anguished. But as the bounty took off at a high speed, the features on Jay’s face blurred together until they were gone. Cole could only stare in shock at the retreating floating ship, soaring away through the sky on flaming rockets. He reached upwards despite knowing it was pointless. 

Before he realized what was truly happening to him, Cole felt his body dropping faster. His vision was overtaken by empty blackness. Suddenly, he felt weightless, drifting alone in the silence. Almost like he was stuck between worlds. He might as well have reverted to a ghost… he was nothing but a specter. 

Soon it would be over, he was sure. But he only continued to plummet. Dark, cloudy tentacles reached for him hungrily as he fell. The ninja shivered violently as he felt the tendrils grab for him, the inky fog all too excited to squeeze the life from him and leave behind nothing but a statue. 

So that was it, he thought desperately, squeezing his eyes shut; it made no difference in complete darkness. The earth ninja would end his legacy with an unforgettable death. Turned into stone, then smashed into rubble on the ground. How ironic for a master of earth. But there was nothing he could do. His dragon had abandoned him years ago and the bounty would have to be hundreds of miles away by now. 

At least everyone else is safe.

The thought oddly calmed Cole. The idea of his family’s security filled him with a better sense of clarity. Not only them, but he’d succeeded in liberating the entire news crew and everyone else trapped in the building.

But even that reassuring thought would help nothing. He was only plunging deeper into the black abyss, getting swallowed by the darkness. The only thing to be heard was ringing in his ears. The pull of gravity and even the powerful wind and biting tendrils had begun to numb away into nothingness. It was as if the fall was his only existence and all else in the world had been erased. 

Cole’s lungs were growing heavy. He could almost feel his heart literally harden. He was dropping faster. If he could see, he’d notice his breath fogging as an unfriendly cold seized his body. And if he could feel anything, he would notice the horrified expression spreading across his paling face. 

He would be gone soon. Best to embrace it. He calmed his body and tried to conjure up the best images to his mind, at least to make his last moments less painful. 

Jay’s laugh. Nya’s snarky wit. His father’s warm ballads. Kai’s unapologetic boldness. Master Wu’s calming incense. Lloyd’s inspiring heroism. Zane’s bright blue eyes. Zane’s smile. Zane’s cooking. Zane, his dad, everyone…

A single tear flew past his cheek. Something other than the frigid cold warmed his chest, and for a moment, he was at peace. 

(Snippet of a fic I wrote explaining how Cole survived the fall in season 10- along with more depth and some glacier- we’ll see if I feel motivated to continuing it :)

[fishybehavior]

Zane needs to be plagued with more ominous visions

Zane's footsteps echoed in the void.

Step. Step. Step.

There was no other sound in the pitch-black void, nothing around. Zane had no idea where he was walking to, but he was compelled to walk forward. Further into the darkness of the void.

Step-tap- Step-tap.

A subtle tap, it sounded just like a keyboard tapping, joined his footsteps. The black void was turning a dark blue, a barely noticeable shift in the emptiness as Zane walked further and further into the ever-shifting void.

"Zane! Zane!" Someone shouted behind him, turning he saw lightning strike and the obscured figure was suddenly falling apart into many orange cubes. Falling apart and scattering on the floor, before they flew together again forming one large orange cube. 

The cube then flashed before levitating off the ground, rising into the air it began to fly in the direction Zane was walking, Zane quickly losing it into the darkness of the void. Where the lightning had stuck there was a hole, flat squares, as if frozen from the explosion, hanging above the crater. Stepping to the edge Zane could only see pure blackness below, no dirt, ground, or walls. Nothing as if he was walking on a thin plane hanging above an abyss.

"Ahhhhhh! Zane help!!" Someone behind Zane screamed, Zane snapped around to see Kai falling from high above him. Zane stared as he watched his friend fall faster than he should into the ground, once again the floor broke apart. Flat squares explode and then hang in the air, slowly spinning in place with their leftover momentum.

Pulled from their shock, Zane ran to the edge of the new hole looking in he saw nothing but an abyss. His heart dropped as he continued to look for his friend.

"Ahhhhhhh!" Kai screamed from above. Looking skywards Zane saw Kai falling again from the sky. Moving almost impossibly fast right where he fell before. Zane only just got out of the way before Kai fell through the hole in the floor again. Keeping his eyes upward he watched as a tiny red speck appeared, growing bigger and bigger until he recognized it was Kai. Screaming and flailing as he continued to fall.

"Please help!" He screamed as he fell to the ground again.

"Don't worry buddy I got you!" Cole said coming from nowhere he reached his hand towards his falling friend, grabbing his arm he tried to pull Kai out of his never-ending demise, but instead, he was pulled into the hole with Kai. Both of them screamed as they fell through the floor.

Zane could only watch in shock as both his dear friends began falling endlessly. Screaming in fear as they raced toward the ground. But Zane didn't get to see their next impact. His feet were being pulled away from the hole, towards the center of the void again.

Step- tap-tap_ Step_tap_tap_tap_tap_

Zane walked deeper into the void that was glowing brighter. There was some kind of white light now, far in the distance it was only a pinprick but it was calling for him. 

Around him now there were walls and walls of mirrors. Walking by them none of them showed his reflection. Some of them had those orange glowing cubes in them, but others, most of them, were of Jay. Different emotions, clothes, and years, each one was different but they were all of Jay. Frozen in the mirror, Zane looked at the varieties and versions. He could hear in the distance someone singing. 

Moving closer to the singer more and more of the mirrors held orange cubes instead of Jay. Until only one mirror was of Jay, this one was the one that was singing. But he didn't look like any of the others. His hair was bleached completely white, his skin was blue, and his eyes were electric yellow. Singing tunelessly to a song Zane didn't recognize the reflection of Jay singing. This Jay didn't notice Zane walk by, too absorbed in the moment in the song.

But Zane couldn't stay, he continued to be pulled toward the light in the center.

tap_tap_tap_tap tap_ tap_ tap- step

The void was now a dark turquoise. And the light was brighter than ever, but there was still someone between him and the light.

Nya screamed as she brought her sword down at Lloyd, who parried the strike with a grunt quickly countering Nya's own block. The two were in a fierce battle. Fighting to what seemed to be the death. They didn't notice Zane who stopped at the edge of their battle. they were too focused on their own fight, a moment of distraction or hesitation would have meant death for either one.

Zane stared silently unable to call to his friends, unable to attempt to break them from this senseless battle. But he doubted they would have even stopped for him. their faces were set in grimaces and hate as they swung their swords with their might and dodged and flipped and parried and blocked. At a stalemate, no one was winning and no one was losing.

But Zane couldn't stay. Walking around his friends, he finally stood before the bright pillar of light he was being drawn to. So bright he feared his sensors would be damaged and need to be replaced. Taking the first step into the pillar all he saw was white and only white. No color or texture, nor could he hear a sound, not even his own footsteps. At a second step, he could see a small child in front of him, standing only about 10 feet away his back towards him.

Approaching the child he could see that his hair was pure white like the void, wearing a simple red shirt. When Zane was only a few steps from the child he turned around, his face emotionless as he looked at the nindroid approaching him.

"It's time for you to leave." He said, and Zane was flung backward. 

Thrown back he rushed past Nya and Lloyd still battling to the death, by Jay who was singing senselessly to no one, and passing Cole and Kai who were still falling ceaselessly. Thrown back the blue of the void returned to pitch blackness, rushing backward he feared he would be flying away forever until he suddenly hit a wall and he lost consciousness.

[negative-speedforce]

Your OCs are walking through the park at night (why? who knows?) and hear a clamor down by the pond. It's Rae, attempting to fight off a group of muggers from stealing an older lady's purse. Rae has her fists up, and her hands are glowing faintly with the energy of her shields, but her nose is bloody and she seems to be tiring.

What do your OCs do?

Siv: All Rae sees is a burst of red lightning drag all the muggers into the middle of the pond. Then, Siv stops really quick to take a look at Rae and make sure she's okay, and without saying a word, vanishes into the night.

Jay: Makes a distraction by shooting a series of energy pulses from his gauntlets into the sky, so Rae can take care of the muggers while they're distracted, then asks if she's okay once she's done.

Cassandra: Shadowy tentacles rise up from portals in the ground and drag the muggers into the abyss. She'll let them out later, when they're thoroughly traumatized.

Hailey: Beats the ever-loving shit out of the muggers, and while they're all tied up waiting for her to bring them to jail, she checks Rae over for serious injuries.

Esme: Probably takes off her shoes and throws them at the muggers, because a platform heel to the face? Ouch.

Arya: Tells Rae to shield herself, then uses their siren calls to incapacitate the muggers, but only to the point of temporarily knocking them out.

Gina: Hides behind some trees and makes some weird vocal trills so the muggers get distracted for a few moments, then leaves once she's sure Rae's handling the situation.

Ember: Is far scrappier than they look, from decades of fighting off cops when they tried to raid her club. He joins in the fight, successfully taking care of a couple of the muggers, then she offers to walk Rae home once they're done.

Cat: Pulls out her handgun from her waistband, threatening the muggers to back off. Once they leave, she makes sure Rae is okay.

Max: Uses his earrings to summon one of his smaller mech suits, then remotely controls it to beat up a few of the muggers, and walk Rae home.

Kyle: He works for a charity that helps people get out of domestic violence situations, so he knows what he's doing. He'll probably just put on a big light show, with electricity everywhere and glowing eyes and stuff, to scare the muggers off, then he'll walk Rae home since he's probably much more intimidating-looking than she is.

Eric: Scares off the muggers with some magic, then makes sure that Rae and the old lady are alright.

Jacob: A well-timed punch to the nose takes care of the muggers, then he stops to make sure that everyone is okay and that Rae doesn't need any more help.

Khalil: Probably doesn't actually get involved, but he might shout "Hey!" from far away to temporarily distract the muggers so Rae can take care of them.

Ameerah: Strikes fear into the hearts of the muggers with her empathic abilities, then steals all the money for herself. Payment for saving Rae's skin, or so she says.

Rania: Keeps walking, but calls the local authorities. She doesn't have any powers or fighting experience, so she'd just get in the way.

Antonio: Doesn't get involved, since he's a literal child and is kinda scared of getting beat up by a bunch of grown men, but he telekinetically throws the muggers into the pond.

Reggie: Sneaks up behind the muggers and knocks out two of them by hitting them on the back of the head with xir skateboard. Then, once Rae's taken care of the rest, xe makes sure that everyone is okay, proudly informing everyone that xe just got xir first aid badge in Girl Scouts!

Director Hawke: Watches from afar, hoping that the muggers will take care of Rae. If not, then Rae's about to have her hands full with a genocidal witch on her tail.

Meredith: All Rae sees is a sudden burst of lightning and the muggers vanish into thin air.

Kelsie: Vines suddenly reach out of the ground, wrapping the muggers up, and one vine reaches out and returns the purse to the old lady. As of yet, people are probably still attributing that save to Poison Ivy, which annoys Kelsie to no end.

Cory: Walks up to the muggers, grinning like Kevin McCalister, then they suddenly start floating in the air, which confuses them for long enough for Rae to take care of them. Then, they stop to make sure no one needs him to call an ambulance or something.

Torryn: Doesn't get involved, but he calls the authorities on a random payphone to take care of it. After all, they're legally dead, and he doesn't want anyone to know otherwise.

Onnie: Walks right by, since it's not her problem. Then, two blocks later, she sighs and goes back, running Rae and the old lady a couple blocks away to safety, telling them "No one is ever going to believe that I saved you."

Jessi: Doesn't get involved. She honestly feels sorry for that poor girl, who isn't rich or powerful enough to have a burly bodyguard to protect her, but that's not her problem.

Pippa: Throws all the muggers in the lake, then uses her field medicine knowledge to check to see if Rae needs someone to reset her nose.

Hyun-Ki: Since he doesn't have powers and can't really fight, he doesn't get involved. He does call the authorities to come and take care of the situation, though.

Marie: Nerve-pinches the muggers to knock them all out. Then, she uses her 25th-century medical knowledge to take care of Rae and the old lady and make sure they're okay, before offering to do a quick site-to-site transport of them to their respective homes.

Liah: Doesn't physically get involved due to her pacifistic tendencies, but she does puff herself up so she looks bigger and more intimidating, then approaches the muggers and asks "Is there a problem here?". Unsurprisingly, they don't want to get involved with the 6'3 terrifying alien lady who looks like she bench-presses a car.

Qiara: Adjusts the laws of physics for a few moments so the sun shines directly into all the muggers' eyes, then, while they're incapacitated, she helps Rae take care of them.

Soraya: Sets her phaser to stun, knocks them all out, then beams them all directly into the brig of her ship. She offers Rae and the old lady medical attention if they need it.

Athena: Probably keeps walking, but if she gets involved, she'll stun all the muggers to bring them back to her lab to be human experiments. Then, she takes Rae's money and the old lady's as payment for her services.

Laila: If she's feeling particularly nice, she might Force-choke all the muggers and vanish into the night, never to be seen again by Rae.

Reyna: Decides that this is a great time to test one of her new inventions, which proceeds to blow up in her face. Thankfully, the chaos that causes distracts the muggers for long enough for Rae to take care of them.

Thalia: Runs in headfirst and punches the living shit out of the muggers, then uses her Force-healing ability to fix Rae's nose, before vanishing into the night.

Pyrrha: Is at first tempted to go in lightsaber blazing, but she doesn't really do that anymore, so she goes into her med kit and pulls out some sedative, and knocks out the muggers, before offering her medic skills to Rae and the old lady.

Samira: Keeps walking, but calls the authorities. She doesn't really have any relevant skills for the fight, but she keeps an eye out from a distance to make sure that Rae is okay.

Aldrich: Literally just bites the muggers. Rae might get suddenly confused by the revelation that vampires are real.

Sohelia: Holds her breath so she doesn't get distracted by the smell of Rae's nosebleed, and uses a few vampire-enhanced-strength powered punches to bring the muggers to the ground, before vanishing into the night.

Vanessa: Surprises the muggers with the fact that she's basically indestructible and bulletproof, allowing Rae to take care of them.

Matt: Doesn't get involved, since he couldn't really help with the fight itself, but once Rae's taken care of everything, he comes in and offers his medic skills for any injuries she's sustained.

Dolores: Doesn't get involved, since she can smell Rae's nosebleed from a mile away and she doesn't particularly want to lose control and hurt someone.

Victorie: Doesn't get involved for the same reasons as Dolores.

Kayla: Wishes she could get involved, but doesn't, since she thinks it might be a trap.

Dori: Takes the form of some famous pop star and starts singing and dancing on the top of a small hill nearby, distracting the muggers just long enough for Rae to knock them out.

Ellis: Going behind Rae as not to scare her with their true angelic form, they go all "BE NOT AFRAID" on the muggers, scaring them shitless, before using their miraculous powers to fix Rae's nose and any other injuries she may have sustained.

Gabi: Doesn't get involved, but calls the authorities, since there's not much help that Gabi could offer.

[julieloveupstead]

"It Was So Close" - Upstead 8x07

Description: They came so close to losing the most important person in their lives in an instant, but after all, they are police officers and that's their job risk, right?

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Hailey was still asleep when Jay left her suite. They were going to start working separately that day. Jay, Adam, Kevin, and Kim were working on the Becerra brothers of the Latin Players, who Ruzek had been working on for the past few days, and Hailey had some paperwork due that had her at her desk all morning. She didn't know why, but she had the radio on on their shared frequency and was listening to something she didn't even know what exactly. Maybe she wanted to kill the boredom and the silence in the room or she wanted to make sure that the work the team was working on went according to the plan and that nothing unexpected happened, although she did not expect anything special to happen. She was almost finished with her report when Kim's voice came over the radio

- 5021, Eddie, 10-1, 10-1! Shots fired at police. We're at 4200 South Justine.

- Sergeant! - she called out and immediately a grey head emerged from her office.

- We have undercover officers firing shots. - Kim could still be heard.

- Let's go - decided the boss. Hailey took her jacket and ran to the car. When she heard her friend's words her heart stopped and the darkest thoughts came into her head and she didn't know how to throw them out. After all, Jay was surely fine, right? Shit what if he's lying there right now with a hole in his caltrop and oh god what if he's bleeding out right now and I'm not there with him? No, no, no, no. I'll never forgive myself for not being there, and I suggested to Jay that he wanted me to go with them, but he told me to get some sleep. Oh my God, what if this morning was our last? I'll never see his green eyes again, his wonderfully gallant smile that is reserved just for me and that makes my knees soften and butterflies dance in my stomach. Oh god, oh god, Hailey get a grip on yourself damn it nothing happened because if something bad happened Kim or Kevin would report it, right?

There was a war going on in Hailey's head, and her heart was rumbling in persi, and squeezing unpleasantly in her stomach. She was trembling all over her body and could barely keep herself from crying, but she knew that with Voight around, she couldn't afford to.

For Hailey, it took forever to get to the scene of the shooting, and when Voight finally parked, she took off running, praying that Jay would be okay and that she could scold him for freaking me out again.

- Jay! - shouted Hailey as soon as she saw Kim, who was waiting for backup. Apparently they had arrived first, which probably meant that nothing bad had happened, but as she got closer she saw a black cloth and a piece of shoe sticking out from under it. She froze at the sight and couldn't even move or breathe. She didn't hear someone say her name, she didn't feel Kim touch her arm. All that mattered was that she was late. That she wasn't where she needed to be, that she had let him down. She had promised Jay that she would always cover his back, that she would always be there for him. She was mad at herself for daring to tell him so late that he had long been more than a partner and friend to her. She regretted that they had so little time to themselves. She hadn't had time to tell him that she loved him, that she wanted to become his wife and grow old with him. Yes they had only been together for a month and hadn't really talked seriously about the next steps in their relationship, but it was so obvious to her that he was the one for her that she hadn't considered that something like that would happen. Or should she? She dropped to her knees a few inches from where the body was and, with trembling hands, reached to hide the bag, but then, as if from an abyss, a voice emerged that always brought her out of the dusk. She closed her eyes and let out a few tears that came unexpectedly, she wanted so badly to remember that sound.

- Hailey - she heard someone calling her more clearly now, but she still didn't open her eyes. She was afraid that if she opened them she would not see the most calming and amazing green of Jay's eyes in front of her. - 'Hailey, open your eyes, please,' she heard someone whisper, and someone's hands drawing unknown patterns on her shoulders. Just because she smelled a familiar scent she slowly opened her eyes. At first she thought it was a dream, but then when she studied with her eyes the whole face looking at her with worry, and steam escaped from his mouth, she believed that she was not dreaming that there was a whole and healthy Jay kneeling before her. Then all her senses seemed to awaken from their winter sleep and she realized what she had done, what a circus she had put on. Because of her, it was probably now anyone's guess that she and Jay were together. Damn.

When her breathing normalized and her thoughts returned to normal, she wordlessly got up from her knees and moved away from Jay, who now really looked worried and she knew he wanted to talk, but her survival instinct told her to put on the mask of a professional cop and go back to work as if nothing had happened. Because, after all, nothing had happened. Jay was alive and that was the most important thing, and they could talk later when they got back to her apartment after work. She let Jay know that she was okay and that they would talk later, and then she walked off in the direction of the arriving officers.

There was no time to talk for most of the day, about what had happened that morning. Hailey buried deep in her memory what had happened and did her best not to over-intellectualize the stares her colleagues were sending her, especially not to give into Jay's constantly sending her stares. She tried to work and act like she did on any normal work day, which was to say, professional and cold-blooded, as if it wasn't happening. She worked and functioned better that way. The only upside was that she wasn't avoiding Jay she just knew that command wasn't the place to talk, last time they broke that promise and she's pretty sure Kev suspected something. She'd promised herself she'd never let that happen again, and oh this morning it all came to a head, and now she was sure everyone knew about them. Damn. She could have acted more professionally, but emotions got the better of her.

On the other hand, no surprise there, right? Jay had already escaped death almost twice in front of her eyes, until now she sometimes wakes up at night with the sight of a bloody and unconscious Jay in that damn basement. More her reaction shouldn't surprise anyone and it doesn't have to mean anything right away. I'm sure I'm just exaggerating all these looks. She kept repeating to herself. Her head was starting to hurt from all this, so she got up from the desk she was sitting at and headed towards the breakroom with the intention of making herself some coffee.

Adam and Kim went to talk to Adam's CI, Kev disappeared as I suspect to call Vanessa who got a job in the drug department. Voight, on the other hand, went to see Deputy Inspector Samantha Miller, so it was just Jay and her left in the break room.

- Hey - she heard Jay's voice behind her who she didn't even know was standing behind her, she was still consumed with thoughts from the whole day and which she was trying so hard to keep out of her mind. She turned with a small tired smile towards the man. Jay also had a similar smile on his face, but she could also see that he looked worried and as she guessed probably because of her. This guy was unsmiling. He had barely escaped with his life recently, and he would always worry more about her than himself. Sometimes she felt guilty about it, because she didn't want to cause him even more problems, and now since they were together she felt overwhelmed by it, because no one in her life and the early one where parents in any normal family should do it and the later one when she grew up no one cared about her like he did. At every step he proved how much she meant to him. She almost felt like a princess with him. And maybe that's why losing him scared her so much back then.

- Hey, you want some coffee? - I asked, trying to sound as natural as possible, but it only took a glance at Jay to know that he didn't believe her one bit, but he slowly nodded.

Jay sat down on the couch waiting for Hailey to make them coffee in peace. He wanted to give her a moment to sort out her thoughts, he didn't want to rush her, his goal all along had been to reaffirm that she could always count on him, that he would always be there for her, despite everything. This was, after all, how their thing had started and how it would be until the end, because this was how they functioned. So without rushing, he waited patiently for Hailey to open her heart and soul to him. He did not care if it could be today, tomorrow, next week, next month or even next year, for him the most important thing was that in the end he would entrust her demons to him. And even the smallest secret from her childhood, or what she felt, would fill him with unbelievable love and pride, that she was able to trust him.

And so they sat in the kitchen, in the department and sipped their coffee unhurriedly. Jay often tried not to look at his girlfriend, but sometimes he couldn't help thinking what a damn lucky guy he was to have such an amazing woman by his side. When he heard the shots his first thought was Hailey and the guilt he felt for letting her down again, for breaking the promise he'd made to her a year ago and he'd repeated that promise last week, that he'd always come back to her. He couldn't do that to her, not when his biggest dream had come true. She was the only thing that had kept him alive for four years now almost. When he heard her calling him there that morning he felt so relieved that they still had time and a chance for everything that awaited them on their journey together. What bothered him, however, was the state Hailey was in and he knew full well it was all his fault. This overbearing little person must have been terrified and it reawakened old memories that they both wanted to forget.

- When I heard over the radio that there had been gunshots... - Hailey spoke so quietly, but Jay would have heard her even at the end of the world. He gave all his attention to his girlfriend, he would always want her to know that she was the most important thing to him, so he sat quietly letting her calmly express her emotions, he didn't rush her. - And then when she saw the two bags.... - he didn't need to see her face to know that there were tears in her beautiful ocean blue eyes. Jay stood up and slowly walked over to her. He set his cup down on the table and knelt by the woman of his life.

- Hey, Hailey will you look at me? - he asked himself just as quietly. His heart was breaking into a million little pieces when he saw how scared she was. He slowly wiped away the tears running down her cheeks with his thumb, then took her hand with his and squeezed it tightly. He wanted her to know that he was here, that he would not leave her. He did everything slowly and calmly, he didn't want her to cringe inside, to suffer. He dreamed of taking away all her pain, fear and anxiety and all the weight she carried on her back. - I'm sorry I scared you, I'm sorry it all came back again, I'm sorry you had to go through this again. - With every word, he looked centrally into her eyes. - I can't even imagine what you went through today. I'm so damn sorry, Sunshine.

- It's okay, Jay, it's our job, right? - she said trying to sound more confident, but Jay knew her too well. The green-eyed man merely nodded, knowing that slowly Hailey was trying to end the conversation, and he didn't want to pressure her or force her into anything knowing that then she would shut down completely. That's why he sent her a small reassuring smile, he hoped she could read from his gaze, his face, everything he wasn't able to convey with speech. He stood up and hugged the girl sitting in the chair and kissed her head.

Back then, Jay didn't know that he would soon feel a substitute for what Hailey probably felt every time she saw him in a more dangerous situation. Now he was more determined to be more careful, because the kind of fear and helplessness he'd felt out there under the warehouse when they'd managed to catch those responsible for that morning's shooting and when it got hot and he didn't have a good place to shoot he didn't wish on anyone.

Today was so close to both of them losing what is most important to them, but all the more reason for both of them to be determined to keep fighting and never stop.

[kimburgess-ruzek]

shattered.

chapter three: all at once.

summary: burzek/upstead/whole unit. intelligence had been through the worst of the worst trying to get one of their own back alive. Each member has been to their own personal hell. Will everyone make it back, or will the cracks in Intelligence be big enough for the entire team to shatter?

chapter summary: a look into each member of intelligence’s mind after adam sent them home from med.

a/n: this is a pretty slow chapter again but i wrote almost double to this and decided to just split it up. next chapter should be up in a couple of days. i also like the stream of consciousness type writing here. next should have more dialogue and everyone together (finally!!)

word count: 3.1k

masterlist here!

read on ao3!

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all at once.

darkness. there’s something about it that makes it both intimidating and peaceful. with darkness, comes the unknown, comes loneliness. but with it also comes quiet, peace. and that’s what consumed kim right now. all around her was darkness, quietness, loneliness. she couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t feel. all she could do was nothing. she felt scared, claustrophobic in the abyss of darkness. she wanted to scream, wanted to jump up and down and plead for help, but she couldn’t. something was pulling her down, further back into the darkness, and she just couldn’t move. She couldn’t even fight it, whatever it was. it was too overbearing, too powerful for kim. and all kim could do was panic and be pulled down further.

.

the warmth of inside the house began to thaw the icy, purplish hands of voight’s. even with gloves, the wind gushed and the snow seeped through the leather. it took all of hank’s power to get the blood pumping through his fingers in order to grip the steering wheel. nevertheless, he persisted. with his cold, stiff fingers, he turned the lock on his door, took off his boots, and trekked to the bathroom for the hottest shower he could dream of.

.

kevin laid in his bed, eyes open and mind racing. he tried to sleep and it never came. he even tried laying still with his eyes closed, but his mind wouldn’t let him. because every time he closed his eyes, the image of kim, near lifeless in that buick, resurfaced.

god why did it have to be kim?

kevin had spent his whole life witnessing and experience injustice. even little things like being followed by a worker inside a grocery store and being asked where he was going at night, when he was just walking home. little things like that. but as he got older, he quickly realized being a black man in chicago does not lend equality. being a black man in america does not lend equality. and that’s why he wanted to become a cop. because he saw all of the injustices happen in his hometown, and he wanted to create a difference. rewrite the narrative. and while his difference would be small, it would be huge in the eyes of a little boy watching someone that looked like him have his back.

and when the narrative finally started to shift, when people finally began to see the injustices happening, when they decided to not let it go unnoticed, kevin still had to face hardship. this time, though, it was from the people who he at one time thought were his family. the blue family. but when he decided to stand up for what he saw as just, for what america saw as just, those people turned on him. neglected him, sought after him, beat him, manipulated him. and kevin was broken. he was utterly broken. he was scared. no he was terrified. but the one thing that kevin could appreciate was that his team began to see what kevin saw. they saw their team member, their family, being beaten and harassed. and kevin liked that they had his back. he needed that, because he didn’t feel all alone. he felt appreciated, understood, and love. and even though not everyone on the team completely agreed with his beliefs, they all still had his back. even adam, who was a third generation cop, sided with him and not the other blues. and that meant everything to him.

then something in adam switched. and what it was, kevin didn’t know. but something changed, and adam began to change to his old ways. his old habits. and it was gradual. it was slow. it started with the little jabs that would result in an ‘i’m sorry bro, but i still have your back.’ and kevin would push it aside, thinking to himself that adam is trying, but it’s hard to change a philosophy in a short amount of time. but it kept getting worse, adam’s way with the new code of conduct. and with the accumulation of jabs, it eventually became a punch to kevin’s gut. maybe people can’t change their philosophy, no matter how hard they try.

but the straw that broke the camel’s back for adam was this. when kim went missing. kevin saw something he had never seen before, ever, in his eight years of working with him. he saw pure hatred. he saw pure vengeance. he knew adam still loved kim. hell, everyone knew adam still loved kim. but that doesn’t mean adam can do whatever he wanted to, whatever he thought he needed to, in order to get what he wanted. he put a gun to a man’s head. for all they knew, an innocent man’s head. and adam didn’t think twice about it. but just because kevin wanted to go about this by the book, that doesn’t mean that he didn’t love kim too. this was kim. did adam think he didn’t love kim? kim was kevin’s partner. she was his rock when he needed it. she helped raise jordan and vanessa. kevin loved kim. and her going missing was eating him up inside. when he heard that call over the radio, all kevin wanted to do was search every house, every building, until he found kim. but he knew he couldn’t. it would be too slow and too unreasonable. and kevin knew that wouldn’t find kim. and he also knew he couldn’t do that because of everything still happening today. he was still a black man in chicago, and if he went in shouting lies and threatening people with guns, then he would suffer worse consequences than adam did. so as much as kevin wanted to find kim, he couldn’t do it the way adam was doing it. and kevin wasn’t resentful. rather, he was hurt.

and when kevin found kim, all he wanted to do was cry. cry tears of joy because they found her but also tears of sorrow because of how badly she looked. and to be honest, kevin was too afraid to get up close to kim at first for the worst fear. so he checked the warehouse for roy or kent instead. and when jay announced kim was still alive, kevin’s adrenaline shot back up and his mind was laser focused on getting kim to med. when kevin finally got to see kim close up, he couldn’t stop the tears this time. to see his best friend, his sister, beaten, handcuffed, shot, and near lifeless in his arms. it was almost too much to bear. him and jay never spoke a word on the way to med, both too much in their thoughts. kevin, all he could feel was guilt. she shouldn’t have been alone. she shouldn’t have done the undercover pass. it shouldn’t have been her. and maybe adam was right. maybe kevin should’ve fought harder, because if he did, maybe kim wouldn’t have been this dire.

kevin was lost in his thoughts when he heard a knock on his door. confused on who it was, he crawled out of bed and trudged his way to the door, mentally telling himself to put his foot in front of the other. when he got there he looked in the peep hole and saw someone he didn’t expect to be at his door.

trudy.

kevin opened the door to the cold chicago wind.

“trudy, what’re you doing here?”

trudy quickly responded through her shivers, “if you don’t let me in within the next five seconds i’ll make sure voight bumps you down to patrol for a week.”

with that, kevin opened the door wider and allowed trudy inside. even though he knew it was a fake threat and he appreciated trudy’s joke, he was too tired to laugh.

kevin closed the door and went to pour trudy a cup of warm coffee. trudy took off her coat and sat on kevin’s couch, blowing warm air to her hands to try and warm them up. after a minute kevin walked to the couch with a mug and handed it to trudy before sitting down and asking again, “trudy, this is a nice surprise, but what are you doing here? is everything alright?”

trudy took a generous sip of her coffee and replied, “well, i just wanted to check on you. you know, see how you were doing.”

kevin was caught off guard. “i appreciate that trudy, i do… i’m hanging in there. still trying to let my mind catch up to me, you know.”

trudy nodded and put a hand to kevin’s leg. “you know, i never got to thank you for being there for kim with jay. you are a strong man, kev. and i am truly thankful.” tears welled up in trudy’s eyes, making kevin’s water too.

“i appreciate that, trudy.”

trudy cleared her throat. “okay, so how are you really doing?”

kevin shrugged his shoulders. “i said i’m doing ok—“ before kevin could finish his sentence, trudy cut him off.

“no. for real, kev. i saw the interaction you and adam had earlier. how are you doing?”

kevin swallowed hard and but his tongue, trying to find the right response. he looked up at his sergeant’s eyes and told what he was really feeling inside.

“i feel alone. i don’t have anybody.”

kevin couldn’t stop the tears this time. and kevin didn’t care, letting them trickle down his face. he was ashamed of feeling this way after everything kim had gone through. he saw it as selfish and unthoughtful. but it was true. kevin did feel lonely. he felt like no one understood him, no one was with him.

this broke trudy’s heart. she witnessed the tension between kevin and adam, and she never saw them like that in her career of knowing them. and she knew they both had their sides, but right now she felt for kevin.

she patted him on the back and said, “look at me. kevin, look at me.”

it took a while for kevin to semi-compose himself and look back up at trudy’s eyes. trudy moved her hand up to kevin’s shoulder.

“you are not alone. you are not alone in this. you have me. you hear that? you have me.”

kevin just nodded, feeling overwhelmed. all he could do was mutter a “thank you” in between his tears. he gave in and leaned in towards trudy, who wrapped him in a hug and let him just feel his emotions.

“i’m not leaving here until you feel everything you need to feel, kev. i’m not leaving you.”

.

the darkness continued to surround kim. and as much as she wanted to fight, as much as she felt like she needed to fight, all she wanted to do was stop. to give in to the abyss and be pulled down deeper. she was tired of fighting all of the time. she was just tired. and the darkness was becoming oddly calming. just herself. no dangerous situation, no bad guys. nothing. nothing except her and the darkness.

just as kim was about to give in and let the darkness consume her, she felt something. she felt something on her hand. it was something outside of the darkness, outside of the abyss. it felt like another hand. like something, someone was helping to pull her out. kim was confused. she never felt that before now. and she was caught in her decision on what to do. does she ignore the help, ignore the hand and drown back into the abyss where it's quiet, dark and safe? or does she take the hand, take the big leap and see what happens? does she allow the help? caught in her back and forth of her decision she felt the hand again. this time more persistent. and this made kim make an impulse decision and reach out for the hand. she reached as far as she could, only allowing for her fingertips to graze the other person’s fingers. and when she did, she swore she saw the smallest glimmer of light. it was so small, kim could’ve swore she saw lies. but nevertheless, she saw something in the far, far distance. but at the same time, the darkness began to pull harder, dragging her back down. and soon, the hand, along with the light, disappeared, being too far out of kim’s grasp.

.

the hot water of the shower felt glorious to voight’s body. it was washing away the grime and dirt from his hands. and down the drain also went voight’s lingering thoughts on the last 48 hours.

.

jay actually got a few hours of good sleep. he woke up to the sounds of car horns and the sunlight shining through the half closed curtains. he looked down and saw hailey in his arms. hailey, her beautiful messy hair perfectly laid on her shoulders, her skin just peeking over the bedsheets, her snuggled into his bare chest. this is how it was supposed to be. no fear, no craziness. just normal, calm, peaceful bliss.

jay couldn’t help but smile at hailey, seeing how perfectly imperfect she looked. she looked as to finally be getting some shut eye, which jay was happy about. he knew something was off about her last night, but he can’t figure it out. and hailey won’t tell him which just raises the concern. and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to the proposal. what made hailey want to do that? it is so unlike her character. jay could hardly wrap his mind around it. but nevertheless, he was glad to see hailey actually get some rest after everything she had been through the last few days. and while he wanted to know what went down when he was separated from her, his priority was making sure she felt safe and loved, and if that means just being there for her and letting her talk when she's ready, then he was okay with that.

jay began brushing through hailey’s hair, playing with it with his fingers. this stirred hailey awake. she moaned at the sun and turned over. her eyes ever so slowly opened, and jay smirked at her.

“hey beautiful.” jay said, propping his elbow on the bed, sitting up. he moved his hand from her hair to her back, pulling her to him, leaving zero empty space.

hailey blinked a few times, letting her brain wake up. she let out a groggy, “hi.”

jay let out a laugh. hailey asked, “what time is it?”

jay turned his head and glanced outside at the bright light. he reached down and picked his phone up from his pants pocket and saw the time.

“12:39.”

“hmmm…” hailey let out, snuggling further down on jay’s chest. she closed her eyes, “too early…”

jay grinned and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on hailey’s head. with that she woke up and pulled jay in for another kiss on the lips.

“mmmm, i’m not finished from last night.” she let out in between kisses. she pushed jay down and moved on top of him, gliding down his chest with gentle kisses. she giggled and pulled the sheets over top of them for round two.

jay didn’t oblige.

.

kim had felt something she knew it. she had felt that glimmer of help. of hope. she tried moving her arms to feel that bend again, but the darkness was constraining her, holding her arms back. it felt as if it was trying to suffocate her.

kim was tired. all she wanted to do was give up. to just let the darkness overtake her. she felt as if she didn’t have the fight left in her.

all of a sudden, kim thought she heard something. it sounded like faint voice. she couldn’t make anything out, but she heard something. someone. then kim stopped for a moment and thought. she thought really hard.

what would happen if she didn’t fight anymore?

sure, her parents would be sad. but if anything, they would just think to themselves, ‘i told you so, never should’ve became a cop.’ nicole would be devastated, but they haven’t spoken in a while, so she would probably learn to manage. same with zoe. the team would be sad. but would they? they would be down a member, but they could always find someone else. i mean she would miss them for sure. she would miss jay and voight and hailey. she would miss platt. she would miss kevin definitely. she would miss adam…

adam.

what would adam do if she stopped fighting? did adam still care about kim? after everything she said to him? after letting her impulses take over her heart? would he even miss her? after putting him with the burden of makayla.

makayla. oh god, makayla. makayla, who had just lost her entire family. who just lost a mother.

this made kim change her perspective. this set off a fight in kim. she couldn’t let her parents watch their child be buried. she couldn’t let the team go through hell to get her back only for her to give up. she couldn’t die before letting adam know how she actually feels. she couldn’t let makayla grow up without a mom. she wouldn’t let that happen.

so kim fought. she fought against the darkness. she didn’t give in. and all of a sudden, kim heard something. something faint. she heard someone’s voice. like someone was talking to her. this was the extra motivation she needed. kim fought harder, and she managed to get one arm out of the darkness’s grasp. she reached out as far as she could, waving her hand around to feel something. anything, that could help. she reached with her fingertips, and she felt something. she felt the hand again. she grasped on to that hand, and when she did, she saw that glimmer of light again. she pulled with that hand, focusing on the light. focusing on adam, and makayla, and her future. kim was exhausted but she kept pushing herself. she kept fighting. she then heard a sound. it was the voice again. she could’ve spent it sounded familiar.

adam?

kim managed to free her other arm and clutched on to the hand with both arms. she pulled and pulled and pulled. and as she did, the light became brighter. light began to overcome the darkness. the darkness began to fade back behind her, losing the fight. kim had tried to focus on the light but it became massively bright for her tired eyes. she had to eventually look away, though still focusing on keeping ahold of the hand.

the light kept getting brighter, gradually, then all at once.

[spinchip]

Hey so I really like your Hometown Glory au and the image of the elemental masters interacting with Lloyd is just in my mind so I written some drabble

(Submitted by @sombrerokiwi)

When Griffen bumped into the kid on the boat ride to the island he thought that the kid was one of the worker’s sons or something. A bit odd that their boss would let him run around in a boat but considering that he literally is in a boat full of elemental masters, it wouldn’t exactly be the strangest thing to see. A little concerning but nothing dangerous exactly happened to them so far besides some warnings and taunts all between them.

So it was shocking to find out that this kid is apparently the master of energy.

What Griffen was focused on was the fact that Chen let them compete in the tournament.

Don’t get him wrong, he was totally going to sweep the competition away and beat all the competitors at their own game. However, letting a kid into this? That’s just wrong.

All the other champions are already older than twenty and then they have to fight this kid who clearly has very limited training? Yeah no that’s not happening. He isn’t going to beat up a kid because he was caught up in this mess.

  If ever he is going to face him, he is going lose. Winning is great and all but he isn’t going to beat up a kid.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

  Kai wasn’t here for the tournament at all, he was here for Nya. All he wanted was to bring Nya home and forget all this tournament of elements BS.

  That all ended when the ship left and when they were basically stranded here once Zane left.

  He wasn’t sure what he was expecting in the tournament. Fights obviously of course. But other than that he doesn’t really know. And everyone else was an elemental master so who knows if he truly has the advantage or not.

  A thirteen year old being announced as one of those masters wasn’t something he would have ever expected. I mean who lets a thirteen year old into what basically is an illegal fight club?

  When the first event rolled around he went and last saw the kid being helped by the invisible guy. To be fair it was more like the guy purposefully dropped his blade in front of him and then stole another one from Cole if he remembers correctly.

  Kai just barely got through by beating the metal elemental master Karlof.

  It was clear to everyone that Karlof was the loser here. What was not expected however was for him to fall down a trap door to who knows where!

  Kai thought that the losers just kind of just either get sent home or are benched somewhere in the area, not dropped down below!

  “Hey hey Chen what exactly is under the trap door?! Do we get thrown to out deaths or something or do we just get thrown into cells?!” shouted Jay

  Chen looked at him with some annoyance. “Well why should I tell you? If you keep winning and not lose then you would never need to know what exactly happens!”

  No one liked that answer. There were murmerings all about and some are glancing at the kid with worry.

  Kai may not want to participate in this tournament but right now it looks like he has three goals in mind. First he needs to find a way off this island if things ever go to hell. Second is to protect Nya and make sure she doesn’t get disqualified. And third is to find out more about the kid and protect him.

  Nya can protect herself and Kai knows but he isn’t about to turn a blind eye at her and now that there is a kid in the mix, he isn’t going to let a thirteen year old get hurt in this place.

  He may not like the kid but he is still just a kid. No one really in this place feels great about the idea of beating up a spunky overconfident kid.

  Later he finds out his name is Lloyd and it turns out that underneath his spunky persona, he is actually a really good kid. Cole and Jay sooned joined him, Nya, and Lloyd at their table. During their time eating Jay talked about how he would tinker with some electronics when he was young, how Cole would basically be the strongest person anyone would have met, and how Lloyd would talk about how his training lessons and something about how his uncle and mom know almost everything about Ninjago.

  At that short time the group seemed to have decided to protect the kid at all times. Kai isn’t sure about the others but like hell is he going to let this kid get hurt.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

  Chamille wasn’t sure what to make of this Lloyd kid.

  On one hand he’s a kid and beating up children is generally frowned upon.

  On the other hand she really wants to win

  When first meeting him she thought he would immediately be disqualified first round through and through. Of course then Paleman pitied him and nudged him towards a jade blade and he advanced.

  Then Karlof fell down the trap door and that puts a new perspective in things.

  For one this means that the losers would be either given death or worse and now everyone is just being real paranoid with each other and making allies with each other and waiting to backstab the other when the time is right.

  This also means that if the squirt loses it means that they are probably sending him to his death.

  Chamille wants to go and teach him that he isn’t that much of a hotshot as he thinks he is but at the same time she doesn’t think death is the best method to teach him.

  As the rounds went by and more and more people get disqualified, everyone just sort of held their breath and hoped to not fight the kid. There is even some talk of finding a way off this island after some rumors fly around that this competition isn’t what it seems. And to be honest, after hearing that the kid is actually competing with them, she is starting to believe that. 

  Lloyd may be the so called Master of Energy but it took Chamille years to fully master her element. Lloyd is no older than thirteen and she doubts he even scratched a surface of his power. Maybe he is as powerful as everyone else but he obviously doesn’t have control over it.

  Of course Chamille was the unlucky one and has to be the one to be pitted against him.

  Chen says that they have to beat each other at Thunderblade and if he thinks that situation makes it better that she is competing with a literal kid then it really doesn’t.

  Everyone took their respective teams however there is some more people at Lloyd’s side than hers and really, she can’t blame them. It’s a rigged fight. I mean pitting a child against an adult is something that isn’t exactly considered fair.

  So she slows down a bit and everyone on her team seem to go a little easier on him. She wants to win of course but she still wants to give him fair chance at least.

  Then one of them starts talking about how Chen is planning to steal their powers for his own goals.

  At first she thought really it’s just something to get her to lose. She wants to win first and foremost and she already gave Lloyd a fighting chance when he had it and if he couldn’t catch up then shame on him. She’s in it for the glory.

  They kept trying to convince the others still and now her own teammates seem to try to sabotage her as well.

  She would have still called it BS if it weren’t for the fact that the kid started to beg to listen to them and to stop the tornament for the sake of surviving and keeping their powers and stopping Chen.

  There was some desperation in his eyes that made Chamille realise that Lloyd was not lying and was telling the honest truth. They both decided to win together and stop Chen once and for all.

  Chen tried to rigged the competition but luckily she is a master of Forme, and as such she can trick Chen into believing that she herself is Lloyd.

  The moment they realised that she wasn’t Lloyd, Clouse started to do some weird magic stuff on Lloyd holding him back. And then Tox decided to just tackle Clouse to stop it. Stupid move if you ask her but if it works, it works.

  At one point both she and Lloyd got the buggy and started to get the same amount of points. Chen of course kept trying to rig the competition but she doubts that at this pace, there is anything able to stop them.

  The moment the race finished they both won. Everyone started to gain up on Chen and take him down and let them go home and stop his plans.

  Chen of course was quick and presses one of the trap door buttons.

  Griffen however is quicker. Especially since he is the elemental master of speed.

  He pushes both Lloyd and her out of the way and falls into the abyss down below.

  Chamille’s not sure what Chen is planning but by god she is going to kick that guys ass for thinking that he can steal all their powers and get away with it.

——————————————————————————————————————————-

WOW! Thank you so much for writing this little fic, I’m so glad you like my AU enough to write for it! i was so excited to read this when i opened my inbox! Thanks again, i love this :]

[mattness]

rock it till waterfalls

Genres: PWP, Songfic, Romantic Inspired by Beyonce's song "Rocket"

Jacob sends to her so many messages, until his black Aston Martin business class with tinted windows was parked in the parking near the office center where Gwen worked. He purposely took off from work for two hours so that they could spend this time together. That's why he was so insistent on texting after texting, begging her to leave the office for lunch.

Gwen: "Five minutes, Jacob. I can't give up everything for you, no matter how much I really want to."

The man snorted, then smiled.

"Okay. I'm waiting patiently for you in the parking lot".

The salon was filled with music from the Depeche Mode song, "Strange Love", and Jacob tapped his fingers on the steering wheel in time with the rhythm, while he carefully looked towards the building, from which Gwendoline came out exactly to the chorus, pulling a leather jacket over a red t-shirt. Black tight pants perfectly emphasized her legs. Frye's gaze lingered on her hips, which caused the most indecent thoughts to creep into his head. While he was thinking about his own, Gwen, noticing a familiar black car in a half-empty parking lot, walked briskly towards it.

"Hi, Gwenny", Jacob greeted her as she climbed into the salon and kissed him on lips as a greeting.

"What's wrong?" Gwen asked anxiously.

"My job", assassin chuckled and loosened the knot of black tie around his neck a little with fingers. Mortimer followed this action closely. "I'm going to Wales today for a couple of days, that's why I insisted on meeting."

"Oh", was all Gwendolyn breathed, who knew perfectly well that Jacob quite often had trips and even flights outside London for work, so she was no stranger to it. "Do you want to have a lunch together?"

Jacob nodded, then smiled slyly. Gwendolyn also knew this smile perfectly well, but now it seemed completely inappropriate. The man even raised his eyebrows, which made Mortimer roll her eyes irritably.

"What?" she feigned incomprehension.

"Gwenny, you know perfectly well what."

"Then let's go home—" she shrugged, but man didn't agree, explaining that they would waste time in vain. "Are you want it here?.."

"Why not? We wanted to start trying different places. Experiment—" Jacob reminded in the most innocent voice, biting his lips.

"But not in broad daylight!"

"The car has tinted windows."

"Everybody will hear us."

"I'll turn up the music louder."

Gwendolyn batted her long eyelashes in confusion, because all arguments against sex in the car were over. Or rather, she tried to come up with some other excuse, but the fantasy exhausted all its resources. Assassin's smile widened, and sparks of desire danced in his green eyes. As a final argument in favor, Frye added in a hoarse baritone:

"We won't see each other for few days, Gwenny."

She finally gave up. Sighing heavily, Gwen pulled her jacket off her shoulders, then bent down to her boots, took them off and began to unbutton her pants without any unnecessary words, while a cheerful Jacob turned up the volume of the music, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the top couple of buttons on his shirt. As soon as Mortimer straightened pants off herself, she glanced at Jacob, who, clicking one button near the steering wheel, locked the car doors.

"How much time do we have?"

"I have two hours", assassin whispered, and girl moved to his lap. His hands began to stroke her thighs possessively, rising higher and higher. Gwen took a deep breath, bent down to Jacob's face, pushing the interfering strands of her hair behind her ear, and kissed him. At first gently, as if trying on, and then sensually and passionately, as he loved. The kiss provoked both of them. Their breathing quickly lost its rhythm. Jacob lovingly explored Gwen's native body with his hands, getting his palms under the fabric of t-shirt and wanting to remove the interfering thing. Her fingers carefully straightened the buttons on his shirt, then slid over his skin. A languid moan escaped Gwen's lips through another kiss, and Jacob smiled, knowing very well, how much she liked his body, especially touching him. Gwendolyn broke away from the assassin's lips and began to kiss his neck.

You rock hard, I rock steady

"I'm leaving for just a couple of days, but how will I miss this", Frye breathed, with his eyes closed, enjoying the confident actions of his beloved. Her hands slid down his torso to the belt buckle on trousers. Jacob caught on the elastic band of her black lace panties, trying to pull it off. They both had to distract themselves from the caresses and tinker with her undressing.

Under the intoxicated excitement of Jacob's gaze, Gwendolyn couldn't resist and still took off her t-shirt. Assassin groaned, his fingers caught on the straps of her bra and, gently touching her delicate skin, pulled them off her fragile shoulders, pressing hot kisses to Gwen's chest, who couldn't restrain a new moan, lost in the sounds of some slow song. At this second, they didn't want to hurry anywhere to allow the sweet languor to fill not only every cell of the body, but also the entire space around. Jacob Frye knew how to make the whole world lose its meaning in the moments of their closeness, and they drowned together in the ocean of the highest bliss. His love was truly maddening.

Life has a reason, swimmin' in my love, your love liftin' Higher, harder, Got me screamin' to the Lord, boy!

She could already feel with her skin, how quickly Jacob was aroused, and a shiver of anticipation passed through her body from next actions, that would finally turn their heads. Assassin reluctantly pulled away from her chest, looked with darkened eyes at Gwen, who smiled seductively. Her hands confidently slid again to the belt buckle on Jacob's trousers, carefully unbuttoning, creating a moment of languor mixed with hot impatience.

"Come here. Closer to me, Gwenny—" Jacob whispered passionately, and Gwen didn't hesitate a second longer, directing him into herself with a kiss. So excited and hot. At the same time, a moan of pleasure escaped from their lips. "Damn, baby—" assassin exhaled, squeezing his hands tighter on her buttocks, forcing her to go lower so that he could penetrate deeper. Gwendolyn smiled languidly and didn't immediately begin to move, allowing them to fully enjoy this moment of unity. Goosebumps ran up her spine. The head swam sweetly, and their whole world was reduced to the two of them.

Kiss me, pray we don't overflow, Baby, I know you can feel it pulse, Keepin' the peak of my waterfall, Rock it, baby, rock it, baby, rock it till the water falls

She began to move slowly, and Jacob, without ceasing to shower her with kisses, whispered how much he loved her and was ready to put the whole world at her feet, if only she was just in his arms, always there.

"You're such a romantic", Gwen breathed between kisses, and Frye smiled lazily.

The bodies were gradually covered with perspiration. It was getting hot and stuffy in the car. The windows began to fog up. His breathing quickened. Heart was beating louder in chest, echoing in ears, throbbing in temples. The movements gradually became more intense, rhythmic.

"Lord, Jay... yes, that's it..." Mortimer whispered like a mantra, and Jacob smiled again. How nice it was for him to watch, when she was so good with him, when she was drowning in the deep abyss of pleasure with him. And Frye was ready to do it again and again until she'll started screaming with pleasure.

Soon her body was seized by a sweet convulsion, bringing the long-awaited discharge closer, lifting her with a groan of bliss straight to heaven. Gwen trembled in his arms, shouted his name in languor, froze for several long seconds, then tiredly nuzzling his neck, breathing heavily.

Damn!

It was the best sight Jacob had ever seen in his life. He loved it so much, when Gwendolyn finished, drowning in the abyss with head, sometimes without waiting for him at all, like today. But this didn't outrage him at all, on the contrary, it flattered his ego. He needed a couple more deep thrusts to cum. At the last moment, he slipped out of her, soiling her thighs, but as soon as her breathing came more or less back to normal, Jacob had the strength for the simplest movements, he carefully wiped her skin with a wet napkin, while Gwen was still burning her hot, heavy breath on his neck, trying to recover.

We're so much more than pointless fixtures

"Was it good, honey?" Frye asked in a hoarse whisper, gently stroking her back and tracing uncomplicated patterns with his fingers.

"Very good", Gwen admitted, finally straightening up and looking into his eyes. "And, you know, it's not so bad in your car. Maybe when you come back, we'll repeat it?"

"With pleasure, Gwenny", assassin laughed softly, receiving a gentle kiss on the lips. "Someone resisted at first."

Gwen smiled guiltily.

"You're just driving me crazy, and I quickly forget about everything, about all the rules of decency, Jay", she whispered, hugging Jacob tightly. "I'm going to miss you, baby."

"Time will pass quickly, you'll see", he breathed, stroking her slightly sweaty hair. "Well, if I'm a little late, we can do the same thing over the phone."

Gwendolyn laughed softly, feeling her cheeks flush. Well, no, it was somehow completely... indecent to do this on the phone. However, she thought the same about cars. Until today.

You look so comfortable in my skin. Rockets and waterfalls.

[thelordstears]

Writing totally isn’t a passion of mine *Wink, wink*

"Fools, always think they're the smartest one in the room, as is the same with saints, it would seem." - Moores Thomas

"The crow must have a very watchful eye; for even his flock is called a murder." - Valkronin Sambridge

"Sometimes what others do to obtain peace leaves you in pieces." - Bentley Harlem

"He is the enemy screams my ragged bone mind; again and again the shouts of my father echo in the night of my darkness, and again and again I let the lie envelop like blood in my chest." - Alastair Sambridge

"This wicked heart doth not beat lovely." - Valkronin Sambridge

"We're pawns in a game that doesn't fucking care; the King and Queen have left the brooks and knights bleeding on the edge of the board. All that's left of us is the way we move across a checkered board, wondering why black, white and red is the only color we can see through these loyalty blinded eyes." - Flitz Haktoll

"We're all lookin' for glory at the end of a faded bullet; grins echoing in the decaying lights of justice and heroism." - Benjamin Scotsfire

"Glory is not found in the pursuit of death. It's often found in the pursuit of something greater." - Henry Onlark

”Lies fall slick from the tongue of the foolish.” - Cross Smykens

"I left the war; but it never left me." - Jay Foster

"Ya know; a man once told me to turn my rage inta power. Let it be the kick of my bloodied rifle, but as I turned that rage to power, as I let that bloodied rifle bruise my shoulder; I learned that power's name was corruption all along." - Maximus Bates

"When everything is ripped decadent from your veins you find a substitute for that abyss in your heart; and I've filled it with cracks of who I'm not." - Terminus Hydra

"People like us don't get third chances. We just get ta live the rest of our lives in this flat circle, we're doomed ta try and run on these hand me down shoes; but we'll just get right back where we started. Standin' stagnant in our cruelty." - Scottenmire Travol

"You haunt many a folk 'round here and you don't even know the names of the graves carved into the stone of your heart; everyone's nameless too ya. But everyone's got a name and a couple thousand stories to tell, what merry little tale do you think I plan on orchestrating tonight?" - Monte Pelamo

"I thought I was raising a rifle to fate; but then I bled as my finger curled around the trigger." - Alastair Sambridge

"Glory and death often go hand in hand; interlocking bloodstained fingers within one another's as to best watch humanity flitter and fade away into dust and ashes. Have you ever noticed how cruel people get when life fucks 'em over? How evil seeps through the good man's heart all because he had a bad fucking day? I'm the seed of evil planted into the good man's ribcage, blossoming like a black rose of thorns and shadow in the heart of kindness." - Diablo Bohnsello

"I already walked that path brother. I already have a coffin fitted for a man that ain't me; it's why I'm so fucking dangerous." - Hectorvallo Bloodwain

"If you can't fucking get something out of doing what's right, than what's the point of being the good guy?" - Trent Aval

"Oi'm just a stumblin' deer, wonderin' where these breadcrumbs will lead me." - McKady Cornwall

"Some men call me a mad man. But I imagine you'll call me a monster, or karma, in some wicked sense. Who I am is usually defined differently for every man I come across. They all have their own little tale. Some weep as they read the poetry scribed like scars in their heart, some rejoice in the wicked man's tale. But you, little one shall die, in some strange and peculiar way. Not in the sense that I'll bury you, but in the sense that I'll wipe your slate clean and scribe little pieces of my darkness onto your blackened pages." - Westell Gramstein

"Crazy and misunderstood is a very thin line many walk." - Westell Gramstein

"I was stuck in a shadow like trance, dancing with the light of my very own moon. It was under the decadent and decaying lights of that pale light cast from the sky that I was stricken by a very sudden madness. A very quiet, madness." - Shackelstan Puppeteer

"Any man can become a shadow wisped secret of himself. How do ya think the darkest of creatures are made, brother? They start off as good people doin' good things. But sumthin' comes along the line and rips them from their shadow, leavin' them defenseless against the dark." - Valterren

"In all madness, my friend, there is what created it. Dare you tread in the black waters of my mind?" - Westell Gramstein

"When it's your life or mine I tend to get a little selfish, a little cowardly. And these days, the bullet is my only saving grace." - Kyro Bellford

"I stand stagnant in a pool of others blood, wishing it was my own." - Alwine Hickory

"I looked for who I am in all the wrong places. Like the way a boys hurt tasted on my heart, or the way a cigarette burnt my tongue. It's as if I never really found me. As if I never will. Because in all honesty, I feel as though I was never someone that could truthfully be called Inazo Lizomann." - Inazo Liomann

"I'm licking fate off of the barrel of temptation's revolver, my heart splintered and weary. Once you get a taste of the things that damn you, like the way cruelty tastes on your tongue, you begin to fall away from yourself. I swore up and down I'd survive. But I didn't. I never had." - Huntsdale Klizollo

"Unity with control is like putting a cat in water. You think it won't resist, you'll think that peace can be found within the feral animal you've dropped into the waters of unified revolution. But eventually, claws start to fly and the once unified civilization becomes nothing but the ashes it once started as." - Hex Sweeney

"I'm cursing you with the thought of life in the midst of the death of those you called friend." - Sevelsworth Hickory

"They always say, oh go ahead, open up. Let those scars bleed so you can reach the light everyone's always preaching about. And then you let your emotions come running from your lip like a river, and they put a dam in your mind and tell ya no one gives a fuck about the kid of trouble and bone. So you pick up a few bad habits, you throw another fist against a kid in your same situation and make due with what ya've fucking got. As if the dam built in your mind keeps all but the rage in." - Flizo Thompson

"I'm old bones buried beneath the rubble of identity. Don't matter how much I struggle, how much I try to survive. Because I'm already dead, and at this point, bein' a walking grave don't sound so appealing. So I burn up my lungs and pray I drift away with the smoke." - Ramo Bonewitz

"No one cares about you Ramo, you're already a ghost. All I have to do is give that little extra push into the unknown." - Quentin Satchel

"You won't make it out of this alive. You'll try. You'll walk mile after mile. But you're just a tombstone with legs." - Quentin Satchel

"My thirst for blood started young. The first day I saw the driblets of crimson drop to the tile floor was when a kid brought a razor blade to school and drew blood against his bully. An act of defense. And gradually my thirst for this kind of behavior grew. It started with rooster fights, watching the little fuckers claw at each other with those sharp nailed talons of theirs. But that gets boring quick. So I moved onto dogs. And that evolved into watching wolves fight in my father's barnyard. But eventually you get sick and tired of fur and fangs, so you settle for something more dangerous. Something more rewarding. My father taught me the game of gladiatorial fighting. Civil. Just. Merciful. And as I watched that man cut his brother down in the blink of an eye, oh I knew I could never go back. And I never would. I became a master of the arena, sitting on my throne of gladiator and gladiatrix's corpses." - Sevelsworth Hickory

"The blood of my father's victims sits on my hands, as if it was me pullin' the trigger. As if all along, I were pullin' the strings. Sometimes, when all ya can do is watch tragedy unravel, you get this funny lil idea that it's all your fault." - Alwine Hickory

"I was raised on the Devil's backbone of sin, standin' like the snarl of a rifle. Don't you come ta wonder what makes monsters like me? Brother, life has always been what makes monsters outta human men." - Cavowit Hickory

"We're all just thieves and bastards lickin' up the pieces 'a fate we got left. So why you gon' go damnin' me for preventin' the crooked bitch from comin' for me sooner? Son, I'm just doin' what it takes ta survive this Devil's country." - Stalkman Hickory

"I got a tattoo runnin' below my eye that tells the truth, as if the grim reaper has put her eternal mark on me." - Henio Bonstook

"You'll become a reflection, of sorts. You won't exactly, look like me. You won't exactly, look like my gunmetal stained past. But it'll be there, lurking in the corners of the mirror. Waitin'. Watchin'. Readyin' itself to pounce on the little gunslinger who thought he could, and that my friend. Is the day you'll die." - Ulfrich Diggory

"It's not about, who you are in the now. It's about who you're gonna be after I start carving little pieces of you off with the edge of my gunslinger malice." - Ulfrich Diggory

"Truthfully, I killed someone for that woman. I carved little pieces from off my heart, begging her to love them, but she was a Devil wrapped in gossamer, silk and roses, telling me that our little secret was nothing more then a flickering streetlight, providing little protection to the darkness of the night. And I suppose, my streetlight flickered out, leaving me with nothing but the sparks of a cigarette and the warmth of a revolver." - Grant Filepen

"Where once faith swung like curtains behind my ribcage, now it feels more like a couple of nooses, whispering my fate into the winds of my feeble, decaying sense of self." - Amaziah Bokenmay

"To the circus you shall go, to lose your mind and find a darker soul." - Moores Thomas

"Truthfully we're all heroes in some capacity. But some cast that away, they tear it screaming from their heart, our heroism often begs when faced with greedy fingers, but the cruel don't care. And to all the heroes who invited the kindness in, I hope it didn't take too many pieces away from you, to let the fact that cruelty exists despite the bravery in you break you." - Kirsten Hezofrein

"The cruel call peace a revolution just so they have an excuse to kill the protestors." - Sebastian Dovens

"The blood ran black from my wrist, dripping down like candle wax damnation." - Joey Alderson

"Skinny and starvin' I died, sittin' on the edge of my frozen over revolver. I shivered, I shook. And mate, I didn't make it ta the end of the tunnel, I was caught by the traffic of beasts, but 'ow peculiar is it, that they stared at me with eyes I recognized? As if pe'raps, friends can become enemies within the span of a god damn blink." - Arv Harknizia

"Darkness has to blot out the sun for light to shine later on." - Gustave X. Van Velk

"Those in power are often the weakest man kind's got to offer." - Garth Yeager

"I saw life flash before my eyes in the banging of a rifle, sins sitting cruel on a masked man's sleeve. It was in that moment of death that I cut humanity from out my heart, becoming something unfamiliar. But these cackles of insanity start to feel beautiful." - Tahasha Moonlight

"Life keeps forcing me down, these shadows start to whisper into my mind that the light is just outta reach. And those damned shadows rip at the threads of the sun's golden rays, ripping into the warmth of Summer forevermore. I'm telling you man, you think Summer memories will always be goofing off under the hot sun, playing videogames with your best friend as your mom brings you cookies and lemonade. But all I can hear now is the gunfire melody of the hunt, sickening cackles ringing in my ears like poppers goin' off to damn early." - Scottie Bloodvallo

"Death is something we can not avoid. It catches all souls who live, it lingers in the cold mountains and in the hot springs, hiding in the shadows and the light. Wherever we go it is hiding, always hiding. But I find it so,  innately cruel that sometimes, death catches up to men and women who still have miles to walk. People who from then on out have to walk mile by begrudged mile in death's wicked boots." - Caesar Cagelstan

"Men like me, men of the mountains and cold harsh winds of Antarctica don't really fuckin' live. Sure, we breathe. But as an old friend said there's such an ugly difference in that, cause as I puff another hazed, stale old cigarette, smoke drifting towards the Heavens, I come ta realize these angels wear smoke wings and ember halos, praying that this warmth is enough ta melt the ice in their hearts." - Daryl Fate

"People think that because they've walked comfortable miles, they know what it means, to truly be alive. But breathing and living are a very thin line many cling too, as if it was the lit fuse of a pact of dynamite, praying that it doesn't cover them in shrapnel truths and war bound horrors. I no longer live. I breathe. And there is such an ugly difference in that." - Mankar Hagmallio

"You don't know this city like I do kid. There's sharks swimmin' in the waters of these secrets, boy, and you're starting to smell a helluva lot like blood." - Roman Ustolgio

"I'm a Diablo, friend, and you're here for a handshake." - Abundio Garciel

"They called me a fucking misfit, as if who I am wasn't enough for society. And so as I washed myself in the blood of my innocence, draped in the crimson shawl of my identity, I came to realize no one, and I mean no one at fucking all, can add up to the expectations of a civilization ruled under the boot of the Heavens. And so we call ourselves angels, as if that made us holy in any sense of the fucking word." - Nicolla Bravajin

“ These skyscrapers stand like dead goliaths of faith and virtue, reminding us that New York city is where identities go to die and justice comes to wither and writhe underneath the heat of another darkened day. “ - Bartley Exodus

“ There comes a time when every man must choose who he wishes to be. He can walk the road seldom traveled or walk amongst the villains, slipping a mask of fangs over his face as to hide the bravery flickering in them golden eyes of his.” - Bartley Exodus

“ I pick up my old, rusted revolver and carve a couple dead men's names into the bullets and shove 'em into this chamber. Did I say dead men? Sorry. I've got a tendency to talk future tense." - Bartley Exodus

“ There's a locked room in my head where all the thoughts used to go.” - Bardem Lazolla

“ You know, all my life I've had to be tough, had to be just a bit stronger than the last guy; but I'm tired of the act. This mask is beginning to slip and I fear who I'll be once it falls. I've been someone else for so long that I don't know who I'll be once I'm me. “ - Bardem Lazolla

“ Isn't it strange how some people choose to be stuck in a nightmare while everyone else is living the dream? They can say we're all crazy, nutcases who belong in the looney bin. But in the end I'd rather be crazy than normal. I'd rather be me than someone I never was.” - Axelo Hayware

“ We've gotta be accepting, because humanity is built on love; but some people think power and hate is what gets you a name remembered. Yeah sure, names like Adolf Hitler and Julius Caesar are prevalent in the history books; but who do you look up to? Martin Luther King Jr or the fool who let power get to his head?” - Axelo Hayware

“ Humanity isn't doomed, we're just a little stuck is all." - Axelo Hayware

“ You know how when you're just a kid you dream of one day changing the world? Well look at you! Look! You did it; I promise. We're all changing the world daily with our actions, wondering if we ever meant a damn thing in the end; and I'll admit, I stumbled a few times. This path had a couple of roots along the way that felt like a noose wrapping around my dreams, forcing me to sputter and choke on nightmares.” - Tom Hanson

“ I refuse to let the gunshot melody become my song. “ - Tom Hanson

“ Look, there's a time and place to be a hero. And that's everywhere and all across the clock.” - Spencer Vokeswagon

“ I'm just the civilian who watched in wonder as the sky burned with glory bound promises, smelling the way they broke in the air.” - Spencer Vokeswagon

“ I'm falling inch by inch; wondering why the fall is such a slow descent, it has taken years for me to reach the atmosphere, and I have been burning ever since I first touched a broken star with human fingers that never should've found those old secrets dusted in the corner of a shelf in her son's bedroom.” - Valentine Valks

“ I shall never discover for I fear taking a step forward.” - Valentine Valks

“ Was that taut leather in his eyes or love?” - Valentine Valks

“ He is cruel and unjust, claiming himself an angel as he rips the wings from other's backs if only to stitch them onto his own. Is it such a sin to give life to the devil whom would steal it? I didn't know, I plead to the Heavens. But in my skull I hear the booming voice of God fracturing my pieces, and he tells me, "It matters not. He is your blood; and so you shall bleed in his place." And like a fool I accept my punishment as Jesus once did. I am bleeding on a crucifix of my son's sins, crown of thorns wrapped around my head as all the color bleeds from me. Black and white blend to a warped sense of grey; and all I know becomes fogged and misty. “ - Valentine Valks

“ I was raised a warrior, fighting battles of mind and blade, because in a world where evil lurks in every corner; everyone needs to be a hero or have the capability to be one. “ - Kadlin Paulson

“ The true warrior fights for what she loves and what she knows to be true.” - Kadlin Paulson

“ I'm an old tree trunk covered in the scars of the hatchet; and I know they dare not remember my name. For if the hatchet were to remember the name of every tree it cut its handle would begin to rot. Because to cut and cut and cut; the hatchet must have slain a couple of once sturdy trees. But I will stand sturdy forevermore. “ - Kadlin Paulson

“ I was young when I learned to keep a watchful eye on all that one loves; for everything has a darkness waiting inside of them, prowling in the depths of all saint's bones, waiting to pounce on the weary hearted followers of God. Dare not let this darkness prevent you from stepping into the light; for this is how the shadows in your ribcage win, how the demons start cackling with a strength they didn't once possess. “ - Nial Moorannan

“ My hands are stained with the blood of every man I've ever been.” - Nial Moorannan

“ I have watched the sun set one too many times; aiming the scope of this fox hound's rifle a thousand and three times, always me in my sights. Always me I watch go down in a howling scream of blood lit confessions and regret cackling at the midnight sky ever burning.” - Nial Moorannan

“A serpent followed us into our perfect little garden of Eden and stood watchful at our forbidden trees; eyes beady and forever burning with an emptiness that was never quite human. And he stripped the roses from Heaven; he tore the angels from a once clear sky and cackled as fire erupted through the clouds. And so all the angels of Eden fell; forever fell. On that day I died a death like no other, dreaming of beauty as I fell from Heaven, grasping the burning clouds wondering why death tasted like a memory on its way." - Nial Moorannan

“ There's a black serpent slitherin' in me ribcage; darin' me ta take a step forward in this dance with me shadow, and I dance, and I dance, and I bloody dance. A pirouette in the soddin' dark of me own bloody moon. “ - Arnold Schull

“ First time I died was when I were covered in da blood of boys sent howlin' ta an early grave, dagger drippin' crimson wif' regret. Second time I died was when I shook da hand of a masked devil, anarchy and violence howlin' just behind me. And mate; I've died many more times. “ - Arnold Schull

“ I've neva' seen 'is face. But those eyes dance wif' somethin' sinister. “ - Arnold Schull

“ Sometimes we hit the clouds before we make it to Heaven.” - Armellos Crescendo

“ Feather by feather who you are will be restored. “ - Armellos Crescendo

“ Rejoice, my friend; the sun of humanity has yet to sink. “ - Armellos Crescendo

“ I got fight left in my old bones and people to protect with all I got, so I roll up my sleeves and stick a cigarette between my teeth, letting the smoke be a warning of the fire that roars inside of me. “ - Armellos Crescendo

“ My father once told me that we have a choice when faced with the edge of a bullet; we either run from it or let it dig into our hearts. We're either the shield or the one that's behind it. And my mother once said that the world is a sorrowed plain of darkness; we're just the stars living in the blanket of shadow. And these words echo in my mind as I try to push back against the life I've been living, the sorrow ached life I've been given. “ - Ariel

"There's a storm in me heart. It rumbles and cackles with lightning and thunder; red rain pouring down on me cracked and broken ribcage, and as I try ta rest I feel the storm brew like death in this weary little fool. “ - Annabelle Courtney

“ I didn't pull the trigger, but I din'it stop anyone from lettin' the bullet soar neither. “ - Annabelle Courtney

“ I was a good woman once. But ever since I met that woman underneath the streetlights, I knew that I was a goner; she wore her nails red as blood, leather jacket draped over her shoulders as she snarled at the sky and all who made her the way she is. And as I fell through the ever lit skies of her rage I became something much less than who I am. She once dug sharp nails into my cheeks and snarled at me to paint the walls the color of my namesake, and with mournful regret I watched the white walls become a ruby red. “ - Ruby Vollstale

“ She's just a wild dog that doesn't know how to calm herself down.” - Ruby Vollstale

“ I once told myself that the fall is a long way down; but as I started to trip, the fall felt like only a few begrudged seconds. “ - Ruby Vollstale

“ Before one can fall head first into death he must go through the echo of life.” - Zecheriah Holyton

“ We are dropping like flies swatted by the electric swatter; dying as flashes of light in the nebula abyss of earth.” - Zecheriah Holyton

“ I was born curious, my friend. So I dug into the truths of philosophy and secrets, tearing my measly little claws into the greatest poets man kind ever knew trying to find the purpose of a life so obsolete. And I discovered that in truth; life is what we make it. But it also happens to be heavily influenced by our surroundings. “ - Zecheriah Holyton

“ I look into the stars of Heaven and often wonder if it's angels or graves in the sky or if that perhaps the sun is a culmination of all the burning wings set ablaze to give humanity warmth on event the harshest of winters. “ - Zecheriah Holyton

“ We are dualities of what we've done; wondering if what we didn't do condemns us in the end. “ - Zecheriah Holyton

“ Humanity is a vessel; of what I can never tell. All I know is that we're Babushka dolls." - Zecheriah Holyton

“ It's funny, how people will look at the unwell man with such fucking disgust; they say, "Look at the battered whore of a man! Sipping on the delusion that he is something other then his madness!" But don't they understand I'm trying to stuff myself so full of placebos that this fucked up thing I've become finally passes me by? “ - Arthur Wellburn

“ These emotions whir around my mind like cannons and gunfire, always hitting me down to rock bottom. But then I soar! Oh how I fucking soar. But I'm always falling within a month; laughing at the thought of splatting bloodied against rock bottom once again. “ - Arthur Wellburn

“ They always say you're strong for fighting the mental illness, but if they could see my heart they'd recoil and ask me to be put in a mental ward for all the thoughts that swim like death in this black watered river of my fucked up mind. “ - Arthur Wellburn

“ I'm just a nobody looking at the world through the eyes of Arthur Wellburn, wondering why I can never see a reflection of my mania. I'm stuck in this little corner nowadays, as if I'm just this little monster in a cage of his mind; and I'm always thinking the cure to my disease is a revolver shoved in my mouth and a wildly loud BANG! BANG! BANG! It'd be so much easier to die than to live, you know? So much easier to let the weight of my burdens fall onto my families shoulder like a ghost that lingers on the other side of death. But I never do it, I never do! And I get to wondering, "Why?" Because as life guns me down; I cackle in the red rain." - Arthur Wellburn

“ Look, I was just a kid hiding his truths behind dorky smiles and girls I didn't even have a crush on. But my brother, my sister, they were always gonna accept me as I am; there were never strings attached to our bonds; never scissors waiting to slice. “ - Tony Ikelfur

“ I am nothing more then a messiah of the broken and condemned; come one come all, safety is found in the comforting embrace of the shadow mistress. “ - Antonio Sharp

“ I walk within the light if only to watch it fade; striding beneath the sun if only to watch it sink one last time. “ - Antonio Sharp

“ I was born under the shadows of pinewood trees and howling wolves.” - Antonio Sharp

“ As the world comes to a grueling close who do you think will walk into paradise? The holy; or the heretics of life? Who do you think will be praised by the oh so holy creator of darkness but they who embraced it? We are beasts and bastards in these shadows my brother; so become one with the edging blade of destiny. Let it cut pieces of your identity from off your skin, let it call to you with the silver shadow of a soon to be crimson soaked dagger. We are children of the shadows; messiahs of the night. Dare the hero walk into the night with his rifle and bravery he will be shown as an example as to why the darkness is superior. “ - Antonio Sharp

“ I'm cheap smoke rising from the New York sky.” - Ambrose Walsh

“ Ever since the day I dug a grave I ain't been who I am. The lantern shed a pale yellow light across my face, cigarette stuck between my gritted teeth as I huffed and puffed, shovel working hard as the soil dug up beneath me. The moon was cast sorrowful on this broken man's soul, the reflection of a wolf dancing in the stream right by the old cemetery that knows too many forgotten names. You really don't wanna meet who I became that cold, Sundeh night. Because not even I can face the bastard in the reflection. “ - Ambrose Walsh

“ You can't trust the dogs who kept on a diggin' despite the way the soil reeked of death.” - Ambrose Walsh

“ You know how you try and be who you are after tragedy? You cling to the memory of the smile in your mirror and convince yourself that you're still that person? Because I tried real damn hard to be that person after the fire. But I know that boy is gone; buried underneath the secrets he found in a town he thought knew peace. “ - Alex Devonwood

“ I hate to break it to ya, but angels don't fucking exist. We're all just people living our sorrowful little lives selling ourselves to the dream that it gets better one day. But it doesn't, it really doesn't. I've been trying to find that happily ever after for a long time, but the man that haunts my memory? He sits in the recesses of darkness like a leather draped beast always waiting to drag the hopeful into his devious maw. Truth is life wasn't made to be lived. Life's only purpose is to serve us to death on a silver platter and I don't wanna stand for that. I wanna live but know it's impossible. “ - Alex Devonwood

“ I tried to tell my story; but no one roots for the underdog who never bit back, the dog who never barked his truths to the sky. People prefer tales of perseverance over the tale of the boy who never won. It gives them false hope, that they can be like the boy who won. But the boy who lost eats their dust." - Alex Devonwood

“ I used to be full of this joy that you couldn't really kill; but that man, he tore it from me. Sorrow leeched at the edges of his eyes; a dogs bark snarling somewhere in his throat, and he told me that we all live our lives confined in a locked room. And that the wrong person had found my key. And into my locked room he walked, ripping my heart from out the walls, digging into the wallpaper to discover the secrets I hid like confessions in my chest. And it was on that day that I was left as barebones of who I was. “ - Alec Bonehoff

“ I was just a fucking kid, man, I shouldn't have had to bare the weight of my brother's unguilted conscience. “ - Desmondo Dreadful

“ Sometimes ve chase our dreams. Sometimes zey chase us. “ - Luka Schiefer

“ People are always gonna hate even though it don't get no one anywhere, so when faced with this rage, when faced with this hatred ever seething. Take a few deep breaths and remember emotions often lie; and given the chance they'll shoot ya down with pellets of doubt and fear.” - Gary Heartlock

“ I was just a kid enjoying the company of himself, always told he just weren't a good influence. “ - Gary Heartlock

“ When you let the armor of lies shed from off your skin you start to grow a tougher skin of truth; don't you know that's why Icarus laughed as he fell? “ - Gary Heartlock

“ Be so authentically you that the hateful use you as an example of what's wrong with humanity; be so yourself that you set the bricks for the next man's path. “ - Gary Heartlock

“ You know how it is, right? You try and do the right thing but get caught up in all the bad of this world, wishing you had just stayed the fuck put.” - Dominiqua Claytor

“ Somedays I look back at the bridges I burned; memory of my eyes watering stinging my mind, the idea that I once smelled the smoke killing me from the inside. But I learn my lesson and move on. “ - Dominiqua Claytor

“ My brother and I are just two cold cases no one cares to look into; because who the hell cares about the death of identity? Who cares about the cigarette that never sparked up? “ - Adella Furrow

“ With my tattered boots and old leather jacket I walked into the unknown, and from whence I never returned. “ - Abel Romiro

“ Everyone stared me down, blaming me for the way fate unraveled, and I started to wonder if that town was home or just another house of too many damn walls. “ - Abel Romiro

“ That town was just too filled with devils for a single angel to do a damn thing.” - Abel Romiro

“ I've been both Cain and Abel truthfully; both Judas and the apostles who followed faithfully. But in the end I betrayed my own namesake, blood of a brother staining my once pure hands; and on that day I killed the hero inside of me. On that day the vultures flocked around my heart; pecking at what was soon to be dead. “ - Abel Romiro

“ That man locked me in a cage of the mind and told me to flay these pieces of identity from off my skin layer by layer. I bled for hours on the meat hook. A starving and skinny crow I became; yearning for a day where death didn't seem like a dream. And I found it in the hearts of my shield sisters. “ - Aadab Zivell

“ They say good fortune comes to he who raises a pistol in the name of peace; but often the man who slings bullets and sins ain't the man who finds the stairway to Heaven. “ - Aristead Solace

“ I've spent my life huntin' the cruel, finding them in different states and dead end alleyways. But still that one case sends shivers like death up my spine. Think of a lion; blood covered maw snarling inside of a cage it called the world, now take this lion and put him in a field full of gazelle. What will you get but a slaughter? That's what that man was to the world. Just a lion in a field of waiting gazelle. “ - Aristead Solace

“ Sometimes the heroes, they think their villains because ya gotta break a few commandments to stop the sinnin' man, and we call ourselves regretful devils. But we're just human, huh? And that's what made all the difference." - Aristead Solace

"Humanity. Kind one moment. Cruel the next. “ - Varkens Willowbrook

“ I have come to learn that there is an evil plaguing this world, it's wrapped in barbed wire and gunfire violence, the rage within sitting heavy in the open chest. And it goes by the wicked name of humanity. But simply because humanity is wicked does not mean that all of humanity is wicked. You'll find the kind ones somewhere waiting for you; but you are sure to find the wicked man often in a world that operates on kill or be killed. “ - Varkens Willowbrook

“ I believe that this world is kind despite the bad apples in the barrel; though those few bad apples started to rot the rest of the seeds within; the water roaring with the infection that came with the sin. Unfortunately just one bad apple effects the whole barrel. So one bad man effects the whole population. “ - Varkens Willowbrook

“ Somedays, the wolf; he wins. He trots around my ribcage victorious as can be, but that's when he gets cocky, when he begins to get careless. So the half-winged angels in me swoop down like a reaper's scythe and banishes the wolf to the locked door in my mind; where all the horrors go to starve. “ - Salvatore Graham

“ Ever since my father first laid a fist against my mother's cheek justice breathed through me as if I were a vessel in which it could see. And I told justice that I would dare not go blind. “ - Salvatore Graham

“ I pick up this blade; knowing one day I must turn it on thyself. “ - Salvatore Graham

“ Oh you know me; just a child of the old night sky, singing the blues as sorrow passes me by with a mournful sort of smile, knowing I'll come back around to her place in a day or two. “ - Franco Jonwitz

“ I'm just cigarette smoke chasing trouble.” - Franco Jonwitz

“ I take this old hat from off my head and read the poems that've been scribed in my ribcage, sadness following the words and prose I speak to the empty night sky. I've been a boy of sorrow ever since ma and pa became graves, moving along to an old orphanage with the scent of sadness wafting from off my papa's old, white suit jacket, hands and tears hiding somewhere in the fabric of that coat. I hold pieces of him inside of my heart, pieces of my mother hidden inside of my smile; and I guess there's sumthin' beautiful about that, huh? “ - Franco Jonwitz

“ I must confess, I've named a few of the stars after the ghosts that follow me, praying that they can fly up to the sky and find Heaven. But here they remain in my mind; reminding me that with sorrow comes trouble, and with Franco Jonwitz comes the inevitable idea that death kills before ya die." - Franco Jonwitz

“ War rains heavy over the weary soldiers who didn't make it past the gunfire; the ones who survived selling themselves to this ideology that their sins were for some greater good. But trouble etches its way into the bones of all whom pulled a trigger in the name of glory, sin or their own self gain. “ - Terminus Hydra

“ I lost everything, my friend, so a sin I became. “ - Terminus Hydra

“ Random acts of violence are often the ones that drive a man halfway to insanity, and the acts of violence he chooses to commit are the ones that drive him the full mile. “ - Terminus Hydra

“ I am a bad man. Dare not let my past tell you otherwise. If the people I knew where to speak of who I was they'd say he was a loving man who didn't let his tragedy define him; but speak to my enemies and they'll spit my name like venom on their breath. Two men tell two very different stories. My father would say I am a man of honor, but an old friend would call me the serpent to his corrupted and decaying garden of Eden." - Terminus Hydra

“ These scars on my legs tell the tale of a girl who lost herself too early; and it seems I can't hide my history from peering and bloodshot eyes. “ - Mayell Da Ville

“ My son tells me that one day, when I realize that who I am is beautiful despite the scars I'll find the wings had always been in my mind rather then on my back. But these scars, these horrific scars; they prevent the wings from growing ever again. “ - Mayell Da Ville

“ Here lies Mayell Da Ville; the ghost who found life too late. “ - Mayell Da Ville

“ There's a wolf on my shoulder; snarlin' at the frontlines and tellin' me ta stain my rifle in the blood of the innocent, and with a grin dancin' with moonlight I head inta the shadows and play myself a little game of huntsman and the lion. “ - Dekiah Doorvenstail

“ My father raised me ta be a killer. You should expect nothing but the bang of my rifle. “ - Dekiah Doorvenstail

“ Once you get blood on your hands it begins ta grow like a garden in your chest. But there's sumthin' different about this haunted little flowerbed. You begin ta realize that your ribcage was once Eden, but slowly, as the blood trickled down your fingers, Adam and Eve started fleein', the angel of flamin' blade nothing more then your heart that slowly faded ta black and grey. And as the serpent slithers onta your shoulder, you begin ta realize temptation lives in the hearts of all man kind. And only a special few accept their primal urges ta become nuthin' but a slaughterhouse on a cold Sunday afternoon. “ - Dekiah Doorvenstail

“ We were never wolves, my friend. But fragile people with hearts that can break and minds that can scar easy, but dare not turn to the shadows for comfort. They hold a dagger in one hand; and they hide it in the crevices of their darkness.” - Sabu Thorn

“ I think that if one is to find peace within themselves, they must first find peace within their scars. “ - Sabu Thorn

“ Eons ago I lost my mind.” - God

“ They say that dead men tell no tales; so who will whisper the tale of humanity once I'm done with it? “ - God

“ Everyone's always saying God's not dead. He's with us he's with us! But as I come down from my heavenly throne; the blood of humanity staining my shawl of lies and secrets; you'll pray that I am. But all your prayers have fallen on listening ears friend; and yet they never come to fruition, do they? “ - God

“ In the face of evil; silence is compliance.” - Gustave X. Van Velk

“ They don't tell you that the fall is so easy. They don't tell ya that we're all one crooked grin away from violence; so I take a steady step forward and throw a fist or two towards the evil that sits violent in this town of unwelcome shadows. “ - Gustave X. Van Velk

“ I've always tried to understand the enemy; walk a mile or two in their shoes, but Milos' boots are just too damn heavy and stuck in the muck of his powerful identity. “ - Gustave X. Van Velk

“ My sanity peels away in whispers and shadows.” - Cartniza Harvester

“ The word safe is such a fucking lie; no one ever is. “ - Cartniza Harvester

“ I don't know why this heart beats like a slowly rotting flower.” - Mackton Stoneshire

“ They say this Queen of madness is a revolver's shadow standing above peace; and she is. Because as she walks down these halls my bones shiver with shadows and things you could never dream of. Because she's a nightmare in the head of the weary; grinning deviously before she sins another deadly sin. And as my eyes shift to the checkered floors of this old mental ward; I know she can sense my fear. “ - Mackton Stoneshire

“ I'm still stuck under these shadows that fog my mind; heart roaring empty in the ribcage of a coffin. “ - Rupen Schello

“ I can still remember the night flames erupted inside my home; they now flash like colored lights in my memory, my parents' smiles becoming nothing but a shadow I can no longer follow. “ - Rupen Schello

“ A man with a memory can never be free of his torment.” - Rupen Schello

“ Every choice I ever made led to the death of who I am.” - Mervin Gavinwood

“ I never meant to fall; but I was born with the belief that I had wings, and so I leapt from blinding heights expecting to soar. “ - Mervin Gavinwood

“ The day I killed a man is the day I died. As his skull cracked against the bar stool; groaning and dying in the most grotesque way who I am started bleeding from the corners of my eyes as those two devils beside me laughed and laughed and laughed. “ - Mervin Gavinwood

“ He sits in the edges of my memory like a crow just waiting for his murder to come on along.” - Mervin Gavinwood

“ I've just been trying to cope with this loss of who I am for a long time; clinging to memories of him like a blanket that keeps me warm. But there's holes in this wool blanket; letting the cold settle into my bones. “ - Carol Corin

“ I weep for a life never lived; a death already fated. “ - Hexi Moorenfowl

“ Every detective has got her case, right? The one that drives her halfway to insanity because things just aren't adding up. I tried so hard to find those girls, I tried so hard to find that man's wife. But in the end it was a cold case that never went warm. “ - Maryland Fainrick

“ Mysteries often end in tragedy.” - Maryland Fainrick

“ I woke up in a foreign bed wondering why a stranger looked at me in the mirror; that was when I died an unfamiliar death. Falling from the heights of a Heaven I never deserved. “ - Kiddy Wendellburn

“ I choked on who I am a long time ago. And I don't think I can ever swallow my truths; because they taste so fucking vile. “ - Kiddy Wendellburn

“ "When you realize who you are, it's your job to become that person. “ - Adrella Soderit

“ We're all dreamers trying to find our happily ever after despite the nightmares that find us in the light; but don't you think it's the way we react to this darkness that defines who we are? “ - Adrella Soderit

“ So do me a favor and accept yourself won'tcha? Even when everyone around you condemns who you are. Even if you gotta keep that acceptance a secret in a little jar until one day, you can let those torch bugs fly into the open air." - Adrella Soderit 

“ I don't know what one would call him. But he feasts on the sacrilege of identity and flesh, sinking his teeth into innocence as if it were a divine, juicy, blood dripping steak. I'm just the remnants of the girl I used to be, and as I remember his parched tongue against my skin a shive runs cold down my spine and my fighting instincts kick in. As if my mind is a clock forever running backwards. Minutes and hours mixed into a relived past. “ - Marlia Ferotosia

“ I remember his smile. Filled with teeth and unkempt flesh. “ - Marlia Ferotosia

“ I listened to her sorrows. Her troubles. Her secrets and confessions. But she was torn from this world much too early. And that is a sin a man like me can never forgive. “ - Zack Mordell

“ The old soul is supposed to fade before the young one. But fate is a very cruel mistress; dancing with those who don't know the rules to the deadly tango. “ - Zack Mordell

“ I'm a fading symphony wondering when my last notes will play out into the wind, but I keep singing. “ - Zack Mordell

“ Healing will come after the scars stop bleeding, so a little word of advice, don't stab those dagger like thoughts into your skin. “ - Cordemlia Munstwain

“ Some people say they aren't themselves, and I get that; sometimes it's difficult to admit that we're changing. Difficult to admit growth feels uncomfortable in the hurting mind. But eventually you'll grow into this new you. You'll find that it's often like a scab. It only forms to protect ya from the infection a wound leaves. “ - Cordemlia Munstwain

“ Some people say love at first sight don'it exist. And, I don't fink' it were love at first sight. But love at first spoken word. Love developed inside da poetry we spoke underneath da dyin' lights of the street. He's a broken man, but I built 'im new pieces and told 'im ta shimmer and shine like a star in the night sky; and it feels as though when I put a lovin' finger on 'is cheek dat he's started ta feel more human. As if 'e's no longer a whiskey stained ghost. “ - Daubellia O’Snair

“ Fate twists in some awfully strange ways, huh? You could be a normal, everyday girl, fighting hardly noticeable battles and then in the blink of an eye tragedy rips through the air like a bullet in your fucking teeth. “ - Alexia Hathorn

“ Sometimes you gotta make a choice. Live or die. And sometimes you'll do both.” - Alexia Hathorn

“ We're the scar ridden angels of Heaven, soaring on wings stitched with different pieces; like a quilt of many colors. We're not heroes, just people who got caught in the crossfire of a world roaring with evil. “ - Alexia Hathorn

“ Often people in pain's mind is fogged up from the hurt, and so they don't really know what they're doing, ya know? “ - Hispania Hopva

“ Death I've learned, stalks the living. “ - Hannisada Gravewit

“ You can't really cure addiction. It walks beside he or she who used. Like a ghost that doesn't know when or how to move on. Is it really that much to ask for a halfway decent mind? One that doesn't taunt me with the idea of one more fucking high? But I suppose it was my choice to accept that little baggie at a party, right? It was my idea to get addicted, right? That's what they always tell ya. They call the junkies and ghosts monsters of society, but damn it man, we've been victims all along. “ - Hannisada Gravewit

“ I tried to hide my scars under thick coats and heavy blankets, but I bled and soaked through those. So now here I stand. Naked and awfully vulnerable to my demons and ghosts." - Hannisada Gravewit

“ His insanity ripped me from my backbone when I was only a child. I can still remember the violence shattered between his knuckles, the anger on his cigarette snarl. I still remember the screams. The God awful screams. I've been trying to dream for a long time man, but these nightmares always plague the boy who never lived. The boy who never had the chance, to live. “ - Jonathan Enders

“ I just, I don't know how to escape these nightmares, man. Because that man's cruelty echoes in my mind; his smoke whispered anger booming through my thoughts. I was just a kid, man. But he stole that option from me when he put a bloodied finger to my lip and whispered that he was never here. Or when that old, boney skeleton beside him clasped two hands around my shoulder and whispered in a low, harsh voice that they were the boogeymen. And I believe that. Because the boogeyman is what goes bump in the night, right? And if there's anything that could be considered monster, I'd give the definition to them.” - Jonathan Enders

“ I take a fragile breath, hoping it doesn't rip through my throat like a bullet. “ - Jonathan Enders

“ I fought myself for such a long time only to realize the reflection had always been a friend. “ - Baila Von Cascia

“ Ya know how fate works, right? Ya meet one or two people and your whole world unravels. Sure. They're good people. You learn that they've become family somewhere along the road. But the villains you met alongside them just isn't worth it. “ - Joshua Houstella

“ I have fallen down this rabbit hole of oneself, gripping the roots of madness.” - Ingretta Shazowlla

“ I am nothing short of a sin. Nothing short of a monster masquerading as a woman. “ - Ingretta Shazowlla

“ This heart of mine has whispered in sin and death ever since my mother told me all of her secrets, the closet looking like a welcoming home where Narnia and all the lions would protect me. But fantasy has never been as cruel, and unpredictable as reality. For reality hides until the right moment. Waiting. Forever waiting. And one day it snatches you so unaware and drags you through the nightmares. Oh you may kick. You may scream. But you'll most certainly succumb. “ - Ingretta Shazowlla

“ Forever my friend, can last only a second as the white rabbit once said. And forever, has lasted too long for my angel." - Ingretta Shazowlla 

“ I speak my truths in barely audible whispers, screaming my lies at glass shattered levels. “ - Molly Chain

“ My lonely little mind is slathered in grey and blue paint, memories glossed over with thick layers of dark color. I've tried to peal away that wallpaper. But there's endless layers in this house, and I just don't know how much strength I've got left. “ - Molly Chain

“ There's blisters on my strength, and I fear I'm about to slip. “ - Molly Chain

“ All my life I've been afraid. Of myself. Of my father. Of the shadows that hid like monsters in my closet. And as I come to the realization that I will never escape my mind, I know that this is who I am. And she's such a broken girl. A wisped shadow of something great. “ - Clarice Sanchez

“ I honestly believe God started typing me up, but he left to work on something greater and left me an unfinished piece of poetry, as if my prose bleed into the way fate unravels and twists. “ - Clarice Sanchez

“ My peace of mind bleeds from the holes in my heart. “ - Clarice Sanchez

“ From what I know cruelty is the last guillotine, and we're just whittlin' down the rope, wonderin' when it'll snap and fall down on humanities head. “ - Leone Kassophic

“ God's voice is echoed through violence.” - Leone Kassophic

“ If my sins were tangible, would I bleed upon contact? “ - Darkin Vagabond

“ Truthfully I am not me. Just a graveyard symphony ringing like the funeral bell, revolver held in one hand, regrets held feebly in the other.” - Darkin Vagabond

“ I look to the star painted sky and wonder what prayers he's been answering, which whispers screamed the loudest. “ - Zelene Clifforde

“ I am a lover at heart, wishing poetry and words spoken could heal the damage of war. And truthfully, that is the only way to stop a war. You speak to the enemy with a certain understanding. You try to discover who they are past the violence shattered between their bruised and bloodstained knuckles." - Zelene Clifforde

“ I am a gentle soul at heart, but alas, I sharpen my claws and go to war like a sinner who doesn't know when to quit, like an old, tattered wolf who wishes to quit all the bloodshed. “ - Yngvir Alvisson

“ Often I wonder if this heart should just quit feeling. Quit letting the blood stain it like a memory that shalt not be forgotten. But I pick up my heart, and I shove it fragile and broken back inside my ribcage. For to become a beast, my friend, is the loneliest achievement of all. “ - Yngvir Alvisson

“ Way I see it. Hate is a revolver. These men and women fill their chamber with all the good pieces of themselves, firing off for a cause that never mattered, something that shouldn't even exist. “ - Jaspello Crosshair

“ In every sense of the word I'm the hero I needed when I was a kid. “ - Jaspello Crosshair

“ Take life one step at a time, second by second, minute by minute. Eventually the storm will pass you by. Sometimes it feels as though you're not gonna make it, but that's the kind of thing tragedy whispers, it tells you lies in an attempt to weaken your resolve. “ - Chris Shaw

“ Debby and I treat life like a workout. We breathe in. We breathe out. We face it head on and don't let the idea of pain stop us. “ - Chris Shaw

“ I was just a farm girl lookin' for a happily ever after, but that wicked and damned man stole the light from me layer by layer. It's as if he carved pieces 'a me off 'a my skin, whisper by whisper, sin by unnatural sin. “ - Ellen Duster

“ There's so many pieces 'a me missin' nowadays. “ - Ellen Duster

“ Redemption is a sunset, and it jus' don' ever rise." - Ellen Duster

“ I tried to build a paper boat and drift away from my prison cell, but the storm started howling in my mind and I fell off the side, clutching the paper rafts and oars, wondering why this is how life drowned me. Some men drown in whiskey. Others drown in sorrow. But all I ever drowned in was the tragedy of being someone I'm not. “ - Isaac Abernathy

“ If a lie fits the powerful man's agenda, he'll do anything he can to make that lie a truth, or at least make it appear as such. “ - Jacob Abernathy

“ I can still remember how that man told me that we'd save the world together, that as the bombs started going off, we'd be the men history looked at and said, "Well done, heroes, you did it." But as I watched the world fall asunder, my heroes heart fading into a broken one, I knew that all the man did was lie to my good nature, and it was on that day, unaware, I bit into the sacrilege of false revolution. “ - Jacob Abernathy

“ I was just a girl without shadows in her mind until I stumbled into a rabbit hole of Godhood and the way blood spills on the arena floor. And as I fell, little pieces of me being carved off by the blade of a malicious God, I knew that I must have more of this undying pleasure. “ - Sonata Vickowinter

“ I'm just a broken bottle angel who forgot his wings on the downward descent.” - Ash Caesar

“ Often I say I'm better off dead, because this man I am is hardly worth a damn, let alone two cents and a nickel, so I glug down another bottle of whiskey and let my little sister down one more fucking time. “ - Ash Caesar

“ I always say I'll change, but everyone else is running a marathon, and here I am, standing stagnant at the starting line. I dare not cross that line in the sand. Because I'm scared of the regret, the shadows, the way my mother's words echo in the ones I scream. “ - Ash Caesar

“ Truth is, I can still remember the way my mother's open palm felt against my cheek, or how her wine glass felt shattered against my noggin. But those glass pieces of her addiction bleed into me. “ - Ash Caesar

“ All I see in the mirror is a man who fell so cruelly away from himself, and as my sister reached for my hand, I let it slip. And all she could do was watch as this regretful Icarus laughed in the flames." - Ash Caesar

“ I have found, that I am the single black rose in the garden, sitting idle like a warning of what will come if you step towards this black petaled beast, this decaying flower of cruelty. “ - Madam Stephanie Rose

“ I am a tired beast. “ - Madam Stephanie Rose

“ I was once in an empty room. Love knocked, oh how she knocked gently, so softly. As if it were a song that whispered into my ear. But hate drove her away. He knocked, he knocked, oh how rage filled his fist boomed against the door. With tears rolling down my cheeks I let him in. He stole the blankets from off the bed and wrapped them around my throat, choking me with the violence inside of my heart. And ever so cruelly, I became a black, withered, and deadly rose." - Madam Stephanie Rose

“ I sink ever familiar into this garden of decay, praying that someone will save me from the blood on my hands I speak of like darkened poetry. But death, was never a story. Only a harsh sin ridden reality I've given to so many others. How strange is it, that death is the end of reality, but also one in of itself? “ - Mike Duster

“ I'm a man of many sins. “ - Mike Duster

“ I slowly flay myself from my own skin, screaming, forever screaming. I carve another layer of me from off my skin. I subject myself to the meat hook and try so desperately to bleed all the darkness from the crevices of me, but alas, to bleed myself from the darkness would be to bleed all of me away. For all that runs through me is dark, twisted and unfamiliar. “ - Mike Duster

“ The truth, does not whisper, my friend. It screams.” - Ava Callenwillow

“ Secrets stick to me, and more often than not they take over my identity, pulling me into the depths of another shadow, another mystery with my name written all over it. I've been running from fate for a long time, finding ways to avoid this noose around my neck for years, but one day the stable ground beneath me will collapse. And I'll be nothing but history. “ - Ava Callenwillow

“ Wherever I go, death tends to follow like a loyal wolf whom sits at my bedside, howling to the blood red moon that is my wicked and decaying heart. “ - Tezilda Vaxweed

[babygirlgalitzine]

i can’t get over the way (you love me like you do) - chapter four

read the chapter on ao3

Ben’s sitting on the sofa, though that’s not entirely accurate of what he's actually doing. His legs are hanging over the arm of the sofa and dangling down. If Callum wasn’t sorting out takeaway leaflets that he’s had hidden away in a drawer since the day he moved in, he would probably hit his legs and tell him to sit properly. As it is, his mind is elsewhere. It's been playing on his mind all week, ever since Lola first mentioned the words 'double date'. Of course, Ben hadn't exactly helped matters much when he decided to announce that they were already planning a date - one that Callum had no idea about, and he's certain Ben didn't either, until he said it - and that Jay and Lola should join them. 

“Are you actually going to help me choose films, or have you just come over early to wind me up?” Callum asks, watching as Ben makes himself comfortably at home, flicking through the television channels, all the different voices merging into one. 

Ben huffs out a laugh, and spins around so that he's sitting normally, for once. "Why can't we just use Netflix, or something?" He asks, looking at the collection of DVD's that Callum's spread out across the floor. "Who still has DVD's?"

"I do!" Callum says, and yeah, he's offended. Ever since he was little, he's loved the act of collecting DVD's. "It's nice to have something physical." 

Ben rolls his eyes, but there's a smile that's threatening to bubble its way across his lips. He leans over Callum, to get a closer look at the packages in front of them on the floor. His lips are next to Callum's left ear, breath hot and heavy against Callum's skin, little bumps appearing on his skin with the shiver that tingles its way down his spine. "Those." He says, not really taking much notice of what he's actually picking because he doesn't care, not really. He'll watch any film without a fuss. He leans his body even further over Callum, chest pressing against his back as he stretches out to push a couple of films to the side. 

Callum nods, and takes a deep breath the second that Ben pulls away from his body. He puts the films that Ben's chosen on the coffee table, and puts the rest away, inside an ottoman next to the television. When he turns back around, he notices that Ben's resumed his first position, feet dangling over the edge of the sofa again. He doesn't have it in him to complain about it, so he just lets it happen, knowing that once Jay and Lola arrive, he will have to move because there's barely enough room for them all to sit normally. 

"Ben." Callum says, speaking the name out into the abyss. "How do we show we're meant to be together? It's just watching a film together, we've done that loads before now."

Ben laughs, but it's cut short when he sees the worry on Callum's face. He's genuinely worrying about the situation, and Ben laughing probably makes it worse. "Cuddle me." He states. "Just act like you would in a proper relationship."

It's like a kick in the teeth, Ben saying that, because part of Callum wishes that this was a proper relationship.  

Dusk is falling, the whole of the sky attempting to cling onto the last remnants of the sun, bright and beaming in the sky, its orange glow harsh on the eyes when looking directly at it, but it's beautiful. It's half hidden behind the buildings just opposite the window, and there's a glow on the wall inside, all orange and warm. The darkness is quickly cascading, falling closer and closer to the sky line, threatening to encapsulate the sun in its grasp in lieu of the moon. Other houses are merely silhouettes now, the trees suddenly now not their natural brown and green, but black, hidden in a shadow. It's late, but peaceful. There's somewhat of a calmness to the world, with everyone and everything suddenly slowing down. There's the odd car passing by, but slow and without the horrible burst of a revving engine. There's the odd shout of someone from across the Square, the words unsurprisingly undistinguishable considering there's a large distance between where it's coming from and where they are, but other than that - serenity. 

They're all in Callum's house again. Callum, Ben, Jay and Lola. But this time, there's a striking difference. This time, Callum isn't a bundle of nerves, worrying about how clean everything looks, constantly being on edge that something he's cooking is being burnt, or it's undercooked. No. This time, he's calm. This time, all he has to worry about is keeping up the pretence that he and Ben are dating. It seems to be going well so far. There's no suspicion otherwise. It's almost shocking really, how they're managing to pull this off, especially in front of their two friends, two of the closest people to them. At least, it would be a shock if he didn't keep replaying Lola's words around in his head, thinking constantly about how she thought they had been together for weeks now. It's scary, because it's true - looking back he can see how Lola could think that, in odd moments he remembers, the occasional looks between them and how they could potentially be perceived in a romantic way. 

There's pizza boxes on the table in front of them, with just scraps of leftover pizza left scattered in them now. Ben's sitting next to him, his head resting against Callum's shoulder, focusing on the film playing on the television. As much as Callum wants to get into it, because he loves nothing more than a night in front of the television, he struggles. Ben's head is a weight upon Callum, heavy and endearing. It makes his heart thump at the sheer thought of how close Ben is to him, and instead of focusing on the plot of the Robin Williams film they're watching, he can't help but focus on his breathing, trying to bring it under control and not hitch every single time that Ben moves.  

Sitting next to Ben, is Lola, who is leaning into Jay on the other side of her. It's a push to get all four of them onto the sofa, but with Ben practically half on top of Callum, and Lola replicating that too, they manage to make it work so it's at least somewhat comfortable. Jay's got the popcorn sitting in his lap, being protected by him and he keeps swatting Lola's hand away each time she makes an attempt to get some. He narrows his eyes at her, and mouths mine, and Callum huffs out a quiet chuckle that only Ben is able to hear. He looks up at Callum, questioning him silently at first, wondering what he's laughing at because there wasn't a funny moment in the film just now, but then he smiles softly and moves to get even closer to Callum, if that's even possible. He rests his hand against Callum's chest, and before long, Callum can feel Ben's pointer finger tapping against his shirt lightly, to the beat of Callum's heart. He looks down at Ben, and notices that he has eyes on him. Six of them to be precise, because both Jay and Lola tear their eyes away from the screen when Ben speaks. 

"I can feel your heart." He says, and Callum knows those words are meant just for him but Ben doesn't seem to have the ability of speaking quietly. 

Callum smiles softly, and nudges Ben's head down, whispering out a soft, "Shut up." Ben's head is against Callum's chest now, and heat is palpable between the two of them. A laugh stumbles out of Ben's mouth, both heavy and light in equal quantities. For a moment, just for a split second, Callum thinks he can get used to this. He can grow to love having Ben being this close to him, he can grow to want Ben to be around him always. But then there's a loud sound coming from the television and it tears Callum away from those thoughts. Because this isn't reality, nor is it ever likely to be. It's just a joke, a laugh. Nothing more than that, nor is it nothing less.

Moments pass, and Callum remembers the film. He's got a vague memory in the back of his brain telling him he's seen it before, and that it should probably be finishing soon. It's their third one of the night, and probably the last. He moves his head slightly to the left, and notices that Lola is now falling asleep on Jay's shoulder, with Jay threading his fingers through her peroxide blonde hair, right from the root down to the ends, letting it fall against her shoulders in a waterfall like motion until he starts it all again. He watches, and watches and Jay doesn't even notice. He looks calm. He doesn't look like his heart is beating a million miles per hour. He just looks like this is natural, like he does this often enough for it to be normal for him. Callum's never seen it, but then again, why would he? He's never seen Lola fall asleep before. There's a warmth bubbling away inside him, realising that if Jay and Lola act like that, and they're a real couple, then Lola's definitely right, because he probably feels the same way that Jay feels around Lola, that he does around Ben. The credits start to roll, countless names on a list running down the screen, and Jay stirs. Lola's body follows his, unwittingly, and it wakes her up, though she's hardly completely conscious. Her eyes are glossing over, eyelids heavy and there's a pink tinge to her cheeks to suggest she's been asleep. 

"Reckon we'll head back now lads." Jay announces, shuffling his shoes onto his feet. "Before she falls asleep on me again." 

Lola's slow in her movements, but she manages to put her shoes on too, and wraps her jacket around her shoulders. Jay stands, and Lola's clinging onto him in a childlike manner, not wanting to let go. 

"Callum, cheers for having us over." Jay appreciates, clasping his hand around Callum and pulling him in as best he could with Ben in the way. He pulls away, and then taps onto Ben's head, knocking his head back to have him look up at Jay. "You don't do anything I wouldn't, yeah? I'll see you tomorrow." 

"I'm a good boy, Jay." Ben insists, and both Jay and Callum share a look because that's hypocrisy at it's finest. 

With that, they leave, Lola by his side, arms wrapping around his body. 

But Ben doesn't move. He has no intention of moving. Instead, he sits even closer to Callum, one leg trapping Callum's thigh, half on top of Callum. His head is on his chest, and it's comforting. The television is silent, the film long since over and now it's merely just a black screen. Outside, the moon is hanging in the sky, stars dotting about like flecks of white paint on a black canvas. Street lamps litter the streets, illuminating the pavement below them, white orbs circling the tall lights, guiding the way home. Callum's arms are around Ben's body, holding him. It's nice. His fingers slip under Ben's shirt, only two of them, and being able to feel Ben's skin suddenly grounds him. Everything is heightened now, somehow. The late hour brings around relaxation, and Callum craves it. He knows it's nearing midnight now. He doesn't need to look at the clock to tell that, because his body clock is screaming out at him, telling him that he needs to fall asleep soon, because he's doing the early shift tomorrow morning. He's exhausted, but Ben being there makes it all worth it. 

"Didn't get any popcorn." Ben whispers out into the night, his voice soft and his body rumbles with a laugh.

It nearly melts Callum, being able to feel Ben's warmth against him, feeling each individual movement from his body. "Don't think anyone did." He chuckles, voice equally as low. There's no need to be quiet, nobody is there aside from the two of them. But there's something about sharing words barely above a whisper between. It's like they've been forbidden to talk, but they're finally breaking the rules to enjoy each others' company. "Apart from Jay." 

Ben laughs, and his head rolls further and further into Callum's chest. A hand rests against his thigh, and Callum runs his thumb over the material there. It's soothing, for the both of them. 

Callum yawns, his body telling him that it's time now, he definitely has to pull himself back to reality and tear himself away from this perfect, small world he and Ben seem to create whenever they're together. "I'll need to go to bed soon." Callum hushes out and he wants to retract the words the second they leave his lips and drip off into the atmosphere. In an instant, it's all over. The perfection is shattered, like glass onto concrete. 

Ben nods, short and sweet, and pulls himself away from Callum, freeing the both of them. 

It's nice for Callum to have the ability to move freely again, but the second Ben detatches himself from Callum, it's as though he's missing half of himself. 

Ben clears his throat, and stands up. "I'll just nip to the toilet and then I'll get out of your way." He says, fuck, Callum's really messed this one up. 

Callum watches as Ben walks to the bathroom, the darkness hiding his body the further away he walks. He busies himself, trying to not make it obvious that he's longing after Ben, missing him when he's not near. He puts the scraps of pizza in the bin, and leaves the boxes on the side, ready to go out in the rubbish bin in the morning. There's a clatter as he puts cups in the sink and runs the water, and the noise is an unwelcome clash as his head aches suddenly, his mind racing as he regrets ever saying anything to Ben. He would rather still be sitting on the sofa, cuddling each other, even if it lasted the entire night, than spending all that time alone, regretting the fact he made Ben leave. He sighs, and walks into his bedroom, his body aching. All he wants now, is to sleep. Ben knows his way out, and he'll probably shout out that he's leaving in a couple of moments. He strips off, down to just his boxers, just as he usually would to sleep. He grabs a hold of the sheets, pushing them back to make way for him getting comfortable in the bed, and then he realises. 

Ben's there.  

Ben's in Callum's bed, curling in on himself under the sheets. He's sleeping already, by the looks of it, his chest expanding and then falling again with every breath. He's on his side, and Callum's overwhelmed. He can't kick him out, not when he's already sleeping. There's a soft smile growing on Callum's face, like sunflowers when they face the daylight. He crouches down and falls onto his bed. There's room enough for the both of them, so it's not too bad. It's warm, enticing, and Callum's never felt this at home in his own bed. He turns so that he's on his side, facing Ben, though all he can see is the expanse of his back and the faint hairs that are at the nape of his neck. They aren't touching, not even their legs skimming each other. Ben's like a personal radiator, heat radiating off of his body, and something in him just pulls Callum closer and closer to him - until his lips press against the dip in Ben's spine, warmth from Callum's  barely open mouth on Ben's shirt. He pulls away as quickly as he presses there, regretting it instantly, but he's grateful for the fact Ben's asleep and definitely didn't feel it. He's at the edge of the bed - his own bed - trying to stay as far away from Ben as possible, a horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach bubbling away, and he recognises it. No. He thinks, repressing the thought. He's my friend. That's all.

There's a silence in the room, deafening, exhausting. There's a ringing in Callum's ears, and he can feel his heart beating, to the point he's surprised he can't see it beating out of his body. And then there's a noise. A shuffle, the familiar sheets rustling under movements and Ben's facing Callum now, his eyes open and bright in the opaqueness of the room. There's a breath, and it whistles out into obscurity, far beyond Callum's reach. "I felt that." Ben whispers out, and there's a crack in his voice. 

Callum turns his head, and watches as Ben visibly cringes, contorting his face in the dead of the night. There's a flush to his cheeks, and Callum can feel his cheeks burning too. "We can stop this." He says, and there's a wobble to his voice, threatening to expose him. "If that's what you want?" 

He watches, and Ben's silent, staring up at the ceiling as if there's something interesting up there, and then he closes his eyes. "No." He says, and then he's turning his head so that he's facing Callum, both of them looking at each other, concentration in their eyes as they look as though they're attempting to read the others mind. Callum's about to question him, ask if he's sure, when Ben speaks once more. "I'm going to do something, but tell me if it's too much. Please?"

Callum nods, and there's the pressure of a gulp in his throat, trying desperately to escape. Ben shuffles closer to Callum, their shoulders touching, but only just. A hand presses against Callum's cheek, forcing Callum to look in Ben's direction without pulling away. Then it happens. Ben presses his lips to Callum's, soft and gentle and at the opposite end of the spectrum to their previous kisses, No, this one isn't rushed. It isn't in the heat of the moment, trying to prove something to others. This is sickly sweet, and causes tingles in Callum's fingertips and toes. Ben pulls away, and Callum instantly follows, wanting more but Ben's hand stops him in his tracks, thumb running over Callum's chin, the tip just faintly touching his bottom lip. "Was that okay?" Ben asks, and he's shy now, eyes hooded with his eyelids, not wanting to look Callum in the eye. 

Callum doesn't speak, not at first. He just leans forward, invading Ben's space, begging for more. "Perfect." He whispers out as his lips touch Ben's again, and his hand makes its way to Ben's waist. 

He wants more, they both do. It's obvious in the way that they touch, even more so in the way that they kiss. It's lust, tinged with something more. Ben moves, his thumb repeatedly running over Callum's cheek, and then he's lifting himself up, so that he's hovering over Callum's body, the sheets falling off of him, exposing his body. He's nervous, they both are. Callum's hands set out on their travel of Ben's body, large and hot and Ben never wants them to leave his skin. It's grounding, having Callum touch him. His thighs are at either side of Callum's waist, and he's leaning primarily on one arm, his muscles twitching under the pressure. There's a tingle to his lips, and Ben smiles, pulling back to watch Callum.

His lips are cherry red and plump, his eyes have a darker shade of blue casting over them, and his fingers are still red hot against Ben's skin, hooking under his shirt. Callum holds the cloth with his pointer finger and thumb, and pulls at it lightly, hoping that Ben takes the hint. He does, thankfully, and Ben swoops down to embrace Callum in yet another kiss, unwilling to be apart. He starts it off, lifting his shirt over his head from his shoulders, and then Callum continues, exposing Ben's body completely and throwing it onto the floor. 

"Are you sure?" Callum asks, his voice low with Ben's lips against his neck, nipping at his skin. 

Ben pulls back, and looks at Callum. "Course I am." He says, a smile on his face and Callum knows it's real. "Do you want to do this?" He asks, and Callum's heart beats even faster, he's sure of it. 

He nods, slowly at first, and then he speaks. "More than anything." 

Ben leans back down, and kisses Callum softly. 

Callum's hands drop from Ben's waist to the band of his boxers, hanging low and enticing. They dip into the heat of his boxers, only his knuckles dipping into that almost forbidden area, and Ben lets out a low hiss. It's hot, and Callum has to pinch himself to believe for just one second that he is the one that has the ability to make Ben sound like that.    

They've got time. There's no rush in anything they do. But this, tonight? It's perfect. For once, Callum knows that it's real. He knows that the feelings he has, are prominent in Ben too. This is for nobody but themselves, and they're going to enjoy it. 

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

No banner doodle this time but I’ll make it up to you on next ones I promise.

In which I chronicle my Legacy of Kain journey and bridge it with your boy Adam Warlock, and Thanos too for a bit! (Part 4 of many, BIG SPOILERS for Soul Reaver 1 and 2)

Part 1

Part 1.5

Part 2

Part 3

As mentioned in Part 3, we have postponed our revenge on Kain and let him be for now, forcing History to take on a new course (this was only possible by having two incarnations of the Soul Reaver Sword meet in the same time, thus allowing a paradox to happen). Both the Elder God and his agent, the Time Guardian Moebius, are pissed at me now but hey, it's fine.

You see at this point everyone and their mother keeps telling Raziel that the only way to restore the land of Nosgoth to health is killing Kain. The entirety of Soul Reaver 1 was Raziel rising from the abyss to get revenge on his brothers and Kain for sentencing him to "burn forever in the bowels of the Lake of the Dead". But Kain tells me that killing him and vanquishing vampirism is not the solution to stop the corruption that sweeps the land, and that the people who have been guiding me have ulterior motives.

Things do not go as expected for Raziel however, and as we go and demand Moebius to send us further into the past to observe history with our own eyes... he plays a little trick on us. I just really love how during this entire scene we think we have the upper hand on the master manipulator himself, and then he pulls this face right as we're about to time travel again:

Like, we know since Soul Reaver 1 that Moebius is not to be trusted, but damn him and his poor old man façade, I underestimated him hard. Not gonna lie, I was legitimately afraid here after that smile. xD

So, instead of sending us to the past like we asked, he in fact sends us 100 or so years into the future. And things don’t look too good:

We witness the decay of the land and it seems our good old friend and benefactor, the eldritch cosmic being known as the Elder God that recruited us to eliminate vampirism in Soul Reaver 1, has been doing quite well for himself.

* Legitimately jumped when that last eye popped out.

But as as we travel through time, we see that his power and reach has only grown the more corrupt the land became, with his tentacles rising above the water and beyond the Pillars of Nosgoth.

This is a hallmark of the series but I just love the highfalutin and pompous speeches these bastards give about themselves. A lot of the lines from the characters remind me of the way Thanos, Adam Warlock and some of Marvel's cosmic entities conduct themselves, how they pontificate with certain mannerisms and the flowery words, the high and mighty tone, making up new titles for themselves every now and then. 

The Elder God goes:

"I am the hub of the Wheel, the origin of all Life, the devourer of Death."

All things one should have on their CV. 

And I really like Raziel's answer here:

"... or maybe you're just hungry - could it be as simple as that? Wouldn't that be poetic irony? The great adversary of the vampires turns out to be the biggest parasite of them all." 

Soul Reaver 2 has this more sarcastic Raziel that delivers burns left and right, but without becoming one-note or too overbearing I feel like. Just the right dose of snark at the right moments.

I'll leave the short confrontation between Raziel and the voice of Judge Claude Frollo here for you to go listen to:

Oh and fun fact, Tony Jay, knocking it outta the park as the Elder God here, also voiced another neverending hunger-stricken entity, this time for the the Marvel Universe: that's right, your boy Galactus in the 1994-96 Fantastic Four Animated Series. Awesome.

And so we rebell against Moebius and the Elder God, and are on our way to try and get the big picture here on the Pillars, vampires and the crusade against them, and who exactly is orchestrating these events. My boy Raziel seems to be learning not to jump to reckless assumptions and actions like he did in Soul Reaver 1 and I'm proud of him (more on that later though). Now it is not his self-righteous indignation and lust for revenge that guide his actions, he’s tired of being used and his priority is merely to seek out the truth.

So while on Nosgoth's nightmarish future and after a bit of fighting and exploring, we get another meeting with Kain. I found it funny how he refers to both him and Raziel as "irritants here" to the eyes of History (or whatever force/entity turns the wheel of fate), after Raziel decided to let Kain live.

It's not exactly the same thing, but the label of "irritants" reminded me on how both Adam and Thanos gain the "outside the norm" brand and how they keep pissing off the cosmic powers that be with their shenanigans, messing with the laws of physics. And now Kain and Raziel have pissed off "History" and the ones who have been choreographing everything.

*These panels refer to Adam only specifically, but Thanos joins in later on as I'm told:

*Shout-outs to @adamwarlock​ that slaved away at my expense finding these panels for me.*

Then, Kain warns us that we're in a very precarious situation, that "History", despite the paradox, will try to go back to its original course, " finding the path of least resistance while admitting only the slightest alterations", and that if it can't, it will destroy said "irritants". Raziel does have a bit of faith in the fact that his "unique resurrection" as a wraith, that has made him virtually indestructible, may even the odds stacked against them. On the topic of his unique nature in this world, I just want to reaffirm how death holds no real grasp on both him and Adam, in the sense that although they can both be defeated and destroyed, they always come back. Here, more stuff that might as well come from the other's mouth:

Raziel goes:

"Why do I survive one trial after another... on and on in an endless succession of humiliating deaths and resurrections?"

I love my absolutely clueless soliloquy boys!

*This deathless state is also something Thanos joins in on this due to his unique relationship with Mistress Death:

*Damn it, the post got too long again so I’ll link here to the second half of this once it’s up*

[ravenroyal21]

Ninjago Angst Week | Day One - Betrayal

It’s Ninjago Angst Week and you bet I’m doing this. Everything in this story is for PLOT CONVIENCE XD

Trigger Warnings -

Major Character Death

Torture and Blood

Silence followed Lloyd as he walked the empty abyss, nothing made sense and he couldn’t find reality in the empty space as he much as he tried to. His feet made splashing sounds to his surprise, looking down he found himself up to knees in black water and the water levels were quickly rising to his panic. He turned around to look for land seeing only darkness around him. The water got to his neck as he frantically tried to stop the water, taking a deep breath the water went over his head and he started to drift down to the bottom of….whatever this is.

Lloyd….

Staring up he saw a small light break through the water illuminating the waves of the water above his head but he didn’t feel panicked anymore. His will to breath left him, he closed his eyes and he let himself sink deeper into the water as the light started to fade again.

Lloyd!

He opened his eyes after hearing a faint voice say his name. That wasn’t real….

Lloyd! I need you to wake up!

Okay he definitely heard that, turning around his body swished in the water as he looked for the source of the voice. All at once it came again, telling him to wake up and that this was dream. He believed it, he started to swim toward the surface as black tendrils came up from the bottom to wrap around his legs. Lloyd shouted only for it to come up as bubbles as he kicked his legs getting closer to the surface.

LLOYD! PLEASE WAKE UP!

One tendril grabbed his leg only for Lloyd to kick it over, he could see the surface getting closer to him. Two more tendrils wrapped around his right leg as the tips of his fingers breached the surface. He tried to kick them off but it wouldn’t work and he was jerked down back into the depths. More grabbed his other leg and his left hand, Lloyd struggled in their grip as the surface started to get farther away from his. The voice started shouting again and Lloyd summoned his power shooting the tendrils on his legs, they shied away from his legs as did the ones on his arm and he made a break for the surface.

____

His eyes opened and he jerked forward taking in deep breathes as his eyes adjusted to the dark around him. He pulled forward only for his arms to get yanked backward and his balance to be thrown off. Turning to his arms he saw large chains coming from the wall to connect to the cuffs around his wrists. Pulling on the chains only proved his point, leaning against the wall he looked around the room seeing a flickering light coming from his left sight.

Lloyd followed the light to the other person in the room, Zane. Also chained to the wall but in considerable worse shape. Black liquid ran down his face and his eyes flickered like they were dying and his inner parts were exposed through what was left of his gi, his entire left leg was gone replaced with only sparking wires and black liquid making a puddle.

“Zane?” Lloyd asked in whisper seeing the nindroid give him a soft smile, it was then that Lloyd noticed bandages covering his arms and the feeling of it wrapped around his torso. “It’s good to see you awake.”

“Zane, where are we?” The nindroid’s gaze flickered toward the door in the cell before his body shuddered and the light in his eyes went out. Lloyd panicked, his body working on autopilot moving toward his teammate only to be violently yanked back by the chains. Tears pricked the edges of his eyes as he pulled on his chains to get to Zane but was given a small moment of relief as Zane’s eyes flickered faintly back to life.

Zane’s body gasped as the light returned, the nindroid blinking before apologizing to Lloyd. “I’m sorry Lloyd, I didn’t mean to um….shut down on you.” The green ninja shifted uncomfortably at the words knowing that Zane as in much more pain then he let on but he didn’t have time to dwell on it as the door to the cell jingled and opened.

On reflex Lloyd (tried to) get into defense position as Zane shrunk back into himself, an odd sight for the usually stoic ninja of ice. Lloyd’s eyes widened as Kai stepped into the room, but it wasn’t his Kai, hell Kai’s eyes weren’t usually fucking purple.

“So the esteemed green ninja is finally awake.” Kai went further into the room kneeling in front of the master of energy taking Lloyd’s face in his hand and turning it from side to side, pain searing through Lloyd’s temple.

“You’re lucky the junkpile made us put some first-aid on you. Not sure you’d still be alive if we didn’t and then where would be?” Kai’s voice was grating on the ears and glitched like….like….

Lloyd jerked back violently from Kai’s grasp pushing himself against the wall as the realization dawned on him. It was the Overlord, somehow still alive and possessing Kai. Kai frowned at him standing up, turning his body toward Zane who shut his eyes tightly curling tighter on himself. Purple seared itself into Lloyd’s eyes as the sheer look of disgust was plain in Kai’s face, as he walked over to the terrified ninja of ice.

Kai chuckled, the sound made for nightmares as he grabbed a blade that was hidden under his clothing placing the tip under Zane’s chin, “It would be a shame for this thing to die, I was having fun with it.”

“Don’t touch him,” Lloyd growled out, but Kai only blinked in response staring Zane dead in the eye. “Do tell me green ninja, how important was this scrap metal to you that it broke your team when he died? That it shattered the elemental ninja so much that it took a letter to get you back together with his face on it.”

Lloyd’s eyes narrowed in pure distain at Kai’s, no, the Overlord’s words against the nindroid. Zane’s gaze mets Lloyd’s for a split second, sorrow painted across the luminesce pupils. Don’t do this Zane.

“I’m sorry Lloyd,” Zane’s hands jerked forward, ice encircling the old chain as his arms strained against before the metal cracked and his robotic body was able to break the chain as Kai shouted and rolled back. Placing his hands on the ground ice came up from the ground surrounding Lloyd in protective shield as Kai got his footing again. The ice grew through the chains and Lloyd pulled on it finding the chain able to shatter before a short scream echoed the cell.

Lloyd looked up to see the blade of scythe breaking through Zane’s middle letting oil leak onto the floor surrounded by the shattered pieces of his power source. Time slowed down as Zane made eye contact with Lloyd one last time, a smile painted onto his face as his eyes went again and this time Lloyd knew they wouldn’t come back on. The blade of the scythe lowered the nindroid’s body onto the floor as it was pulled out of the twisted metal. Numb Lloyd grabbed the edge of one of the ice shards as he met the eyes of Cole, tinted a deep purple.

The earth ninja watched as Kai kneeled next to Zane’s body picking up a piece of his power source turning it over in his hand. Kai tsked throwing it back on the ground, and standing up, “Get him.” Cole turned his gaze to Lloyd whose eyes were still on Zane and was about to start attacking but stopped.

Tears rolled down the green ninja’s cheeks and something flickered in his mind. Flashes of green and white rolled around his head, before the picture of a much younger Lloyd appeared, tears down his face in the same format only for the young ninja to be picked up by someone clad in white. The someone started telling jokes that didn’t make sense to get the younger to laugh and after a brief moment of confusion it did, the two laughing as Lloyd hugged the other in thanks. Cole jerked back and the picture disappear replaced by the adult Lloyd screaming in rage as Kai yelled at him. Shaking his head he went for his scythe only for green fire to hit the handle of it and he jerked back.

Kai stumbled back out of the cell as Lloyd’s eyes glowed green and red, his power starting to get out of control but Cole stood where he was. Lloyd silenced himself, tears still sliding down his face as the green ninja raised his hand, energy dancing on the bandaged skin. Both paused for a moment silence filling the space before lightning interrupted the two. Lloyd’s gaze shifted for a moment and Cole saw the opportunity and took.

He raced forward as Lloyd turned his attention back to the ninja of earth but it was too late. Cole’s fist slammed against Lloyd’s face, sending the green ninja to his knees blood seeping from the broken skin. Lifting his leg to kick the ninja unconscious he paused seeing two eyes looked back at him full with unshed tears but he shook it off and brought his foot down.

____

Kai locked the door behind them, as Cole looked at the left over blood on his fingers. Jay came up from behind him, as Kai huffed in annoyance.

“What the hell? Why did you freeze I gave you an order!” Cole turned to the sound of the Overlord’s voice seeing the former master of fire tap his foot awaiting an response.

“I apologize sir, it won’t happen again.” Kai narrowed his eyes as Jay left the room going to another place in the base as the fiery teen pulled Cole down by his collar. “It better fucking not.”

Kai released the fabric and stalked off, probably to the main control room as Cole looked back at the cell door. His scythe was in his hand and he looked at it seeing both burn marks and oil decorating it and his heart twisted. Something screamed at him to stop and he flinched painfully, turning around seeing no one there before looking back at the cell door and something deep inside him told he just betrayed people he most loved. An tear rolled down his face before it was hastily wiped away and he left to the barracks, oil starting seep through the cell dooe, glinting green in the luminescent lighting.

[romancatholicreflections]

25th February >> Daily Reflection on Today’s Mass Readings for Roman Catholics on Monday of the Seventh Week in Ordianry Time (Sirach 1:1-10, Psalms 93:1ab, 1cd-2, 5 & Mark 9:14-29).

Lectionary: 341

Praying Ordinary Time

Weekly Guide for Daily Prayer

Mark’s gospel today hits close to home for me, bringing me back to my first visit to Uganda nearly 15 years ago. As a divinity student intern, I was teaching and ministering at a rural Catholic school in central Uganda, and I enjoyed attending daily 7 AM Mass on the parish grounds. One morning, a young girl, no more than 12 years, fell down during the Eucharistic prayer. She writhed on the ground and spoke in an altered voice. For a minute I felt paralyzed, not sure what was happening or how to respond. “Lay a hand on her!” someone shouted. I immediately joined the priest and others in praying over the child. Two minutes later, her body relaxed, and she got up and sat quietly in a chair. Mass resumed as if nothing had happened.

As we walked to breakfast that morning, I asked the parish priest to help me understand what I had just witnessed. “That girl has bad spirits,” he responded. “Her parents exposed her to witchcraft as a baby.”

“That doesn’t seem fair – what did she do to deserve this? Are you sure it isn’t something psychological? Do you check that first?” I asked, falling back on my Western predilections for fairness and science.

“Oh yes, we always check the psychological, and often that’s the problem,” the priest responded. “But sometimes there are spiritual issues that go deeper, ones that can only come out through prayer.”

This incident confronted the limits of my worldview and my faith, not unlike the challenges faced by the characters in today’s gospel. Like the scribes, I was arguing in favor of my own cherished explanation. Like the disciples, I lacked the strength and even knowledge to handle the problem before me. Like the father, I vacillated between belief and unbelief. That morning, I realized that there are depths to the human condition that extend far beyond my rational comprehension. I walked away with lingering doubts and lingering ignorance. Yet I also walked away with a newfound sense of humility; the world was bigger than my own past experience of it.

In a spirit of humility, then, let me close by returning to today’s opening words from Sirach. “All wisdom comes from the Lord, and with him it remains forever, and is before all time. The sand of the seashore, the drops of rain, the days or eternity: who can number these? Heaven’s height, earth’s breadth, the depths of the abyss: who can explore these?” May God call us more deeply into the depths and riches of a divine wisdom that surpasses and even confounds human expectations.

by Jay Carney

Creighton University's Department of Theology