#jay bleu rant

[jaybleu25]

someone just commented on one of my posts saying that mario is 40 and peach is 18

i want to cry in a corner

[alifeasvivid]

hey those watch tags are actually really informative, thanks sonder!! do you have any fun watch facts? i know so little but i find all this stuff fascinating o(^▽^)o

well the history of watches is extremely long and varied so >.> how about a glossary of sorts... and a bit of impassioned ranting... and perhaps the key to my heart? XD

movement (noun) - when you hear someone refer to the "movement" of a watch, they are refering to the "engine" of it, the parts on the inside that make it function.

The two most common types (as in nearly every watch) of movements are

quartz - any watch which uses a battery or solar capacitor (except for smart watches) is a quartz movement watch

mechanical - manual wind pocket watches came first, then wrist watches. When you see steampunk stuff with lots of gears, that's what these movements are like. They do not have batteries or any power source. They are wound by hand (usually in the morning and at night) and the gears inside are then propelled by the kinetic energy until it runs out.

MOST mechanical watches now are "automatic" or self-winding and they have a rotor inside that swings when the watch is moved, thus keeping it fully wound by the motion of the wearer's wrist.

dial - this is where the hands and markers are. On a clock, this is call the "face" on a watch, it is called the "dial." Many watch dials are black. So it’s called a black dial, capiche?

crystal - the "crystal" of a watch is the flat clear thing that covers the dial. Regardless of what it is made out of, it is called "the crystal." Typically, these are made out of mineral glass, though nearly all high end watch crystals are made of sapphire (same substance as the gem).

Neither of these can be polished. If they are scratched, they can only be replaced.

Most watch parts are not made "in house." For example, Fossil does not make their own movements. Neither does Tag Heuer or Cartier (depending on the watch). It's common and accepted. Swiss movements are considered superior to Japanese movements.

Among watch makers and techs (and in some cases, collectors) watches are judged based on their movements rather than their outer appearance and brands that make their own movements are viewed more highly (in general).

The top three luxury brands (who do all make their own movements and yes they are gorgeous you can google it)

Patek Philippe (Americans will butcher this almost every time... so it's Pah-TEK Phil-EEP and say it with a snooty French accent ;P)

Audemars Piguet (Same with this one. Anglicized it's AH-deh-mar Peh-jay)

Rolex (I think you guys probably know this one)

Yes. They are incredibly, stupidly, mind breakingly expensive. Yes. They are incredibly, stupidly, mind breakingly well-made and beautiful.

And no, Rolex is not overrated. This is a dumb edgy boy take, it makes you sound stupid, don't say it.

One of the best swiss watch brands out there is Omega. Do with that information what you will.

If you want me to love you forever and ever amen, you can buy me a $6600 40mm stainless steel Cartier Ballon Bleu, automatic movement, stainless steel bracelet. BEHOLD... my beloved:

And just one more thing I want to say for now. Tag Heuer. Americans. It is pronounced TAG HOYER. Not Tahg. TAG. Not Hore, Hewer, Hooer, or Herr. Don't say those, you'll sound silly. and Tissot is pronounced Tissoh not Tiss-ott. You're welcome XD

[neelimasadanand]

What Is Up With Me

A year since medication began. And in its wonderful and weird ways, the universe has brought more mental health soldiers into my life this past year than ever before. And if there’s one of thing I’m more sure of now than ever - it’s the sheer power of being in an environment that shows you empathy. A few interactions I’ve had and a few I’ve watched my mutual have, push me to say this upfront – if you’ve been a part of my life and you have only ever seen my pixie level energy and my smiles and my love – know that this doesn’t mean I couldn’t come to you with my issues. In fact, it means you’re a constant source of happy to my pixie heart. And that Neelima is very real. She’s just not all there is in this tiny person.

I’ve been diagnosed with chronic anxiety and depression with dissociative tendencies. Now I wish I could condense what that means about me as a person but I’m still figuring out my patterns, so just stay with my while I blabber, yes?

I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. And it happened between 4th-6th grade by the hands of a trusted family member. So I had no idea what had happened. My first exposure to mental health disorders was as a psychology student in 1st year college. This means between primary school and college, I went from not knowing something had happened, it had affected my personality and that I had developed coping mechanisms; to suddenly having my jigsaw pieces put into place. Unfortunately, I have faced harassment and sexual assault in multiple degrees, at multiple ages and in various places held ‘pure’ in my naïve mind post primary school as well. But I’d formed a default resilience to it so I never really did anything about any of it. So this and the resulting dramatic, bad relationships and stupid decisions is maybe broadly why I’ve come to be a patient of these disorders.

As time passed since school, I had visual reminders of the abuse. They’d pop up randomly and not in the right order. Just flashes of things happening. It’d be followed by confusion and anger that physically caused my head to ache. Kid me turned to the one thing she loves the most – music. I would put on earphones, listen to music and picture something completely different. And it always worked. Whether it was being angry through Chester and hurting through Cobain, Cornell and the works or partying with 50 Cent and Jay-Z or picturing my crush and I in a Signal Fire song :P This soon turned into my method of coping with pretty much anything drastic that happened. After a couple of years, I’m not sure when, I didn’t need the music to be able to do this anymore. Sit in one place, function in that place but have my mind operating elsewhere so I could block out my abuse or my anxiety.

With age, the lack of addressing my abuse caught up to me. From small panic attacks to full blown rage for reasons I could and couldn’t justify – a whole flurry of patterns began. And for the longest time I spoke to nobody about it. I’d have attacks in the hostel rooms, office loos, outside a gig, in the middle of a party – and I either choked on it or I distracted myself till I could ‘schedule’ a breakdown. When I say attack – it’s either uncontrollable crying or uncontrollable rage as a reaction to the thoughts my mind was throwing. While being able to control it and suppress it to that extent was a good thing back then, around 2 years back I lost my ability to do that. Neither could I control when I’d be triggered nor could I control my reactions. And the happy visual reels I’d put my mind in began to fall apart too. I caught myself not being able to control where they go and how bad they get and the more anxious I got – the line between what I was seeing in my head and how I was behaving started to blur. So there it is. A 24-year-old who can go out, do her job, meet her loved ones and be there for them – for whom the bad days meant vividly reliving her abuse while being wide awake, hallucinating in the middle of 300 people or just plain nightmares that made her feel like she couldn’t get up again.

I’m not sure if it was this lack of control over my once great coping mechanism or just all of the ‘not dealing with’ that has sprouted 3 distinct energies that are a part of me but the fact is – I’m in a place where I can call them my friends now. I could’ve just said voices in my head but too cliché no? So Ms. Question Mark, Ms. Bleu and Ms. Extra.

Ms. QM has been quite the jackass over the last 3-4 years. Convincing me that everything I say or do (sometimes even while I’m saying or doing things) is mediocre or somehow painting me as a fool. She refuses to go anywhere without her “I’m not good enough’ cap. It’s like waking up one day and everyone you ever knew is now on a higher pedestal than you, better in every way and deserving of company better than yours. She had me petrified of asking superiors at work for clarification, afraid of hanging out with my best friends and also sabotage perfectly fine dates. It’s like being on red alert with your guards up not knowing if there IS a problem but being sure that there CAN be one. Fun, real fun. She also does prove useful when the lady I will next speak of isn’t around – in making sure I’m more careful of surroundings, in picking up every cue in a room, in marking human red flags (yet I do not claim to not run after them, I am but a W.I.P.)

Then there’s Ms. Bleu. Who just shows up uninvited and you’ll never know if she’s leaving till she does. She brings along a general lack of affinity towards anything and everything I would usually enjoy, takes away all my motivation to take care of myself, keeps replaying the worst moments of my life and makes me feel like I’ve been running for weeks despite barely having gotten out of bed. She’s been a part of me for so long that my mind is now programmed to processing emotions late and not as and when the cause takes place. The most recent example would be crying over whether I’d make a good life partner – what with the maniac that I am, a week after my wedding so that I could finally feel joy about having met the gem that I have.

So one lady that makes me as good as a fused tube light and another that is a special-ops analytics team for absolutely no reason – you see how they make the most ironic team? One side keeps saying “are you sure it’s okay to do this?” and the other says “It doesn’t matter coz you don’t matter” for every third task of the day. Having anxiety and depression is being audience to a daily ping-pong match in your head, where you wait for the ball to be misplaced. Guilt, shame, self-loathing – ah the perfect sad song.

But there’s also the third lady who pops up every once in a while, and I quite like her - Extra. She makes me feel good and beautiful and energetic but also brings with her the risk of the ‘too much”. Drinking too much, taking too many impulsive decisions and recently - shopping for a whole load of shit I don’t need. Going overboard with meeting people and then not knowing where all my energy went. But I’ll take her over the other two any day.

So this is what is up with me. Any given day of the week, I’ll be handling one of the three while going about the rest of my life. The real assignment starts with my next rant about how I’ve gotten to make peace with these energies and am currently taking my life back, bit by bit. But till then – HEY! I’m Neelima Sadanand and I deal with all of this and if you are too – I’m here for you in whatever capacity the universe allows :)

[jaybleu25]

Random Mario HC: After he got the firebrand, he can't handle hot places/things as well as he used to.

I mainly thought about it because of how whenever Mario's in a cold area, he looks normal; he visibly isn't cold. Meanwhile, Luigi and others on the other hand do look visibly cold (one of the islands in Brothership come to mind, with both Luigi and Snoutlet complaining about the cold while Mario's completely fine). So because of that, I thought the opposite would be true when dealing with hot things!

• Deserts or lava-filled places are the worst. Mainly lava places. When Mario's in a desert, he gets exhausted more easily due to how hot it is. And if Luigi's there with him, if they both know they're going to a desert area in advance, then Luigi makes sure to keep a water bottle on him in case Mario needs it. For lava places on the other hand, they're even worse. The longer Mario's there, the more exhausted he gets, and the more he starts to overheat. Granted, most lava places he visits are Bowser related, so he tries to get out of there as fast as possible anyway. Sometimes, if Mario gets too hot/exhausted, Luigi will carry Mario on his back to let him get his energy back (another mini hc: Luigi gets cold more easily and feels colder than Mario, so if Mario's on Luigi's back it helps cool him off a little).

• I like the idea of Mario not being able to handle spicy foods. Y'know, the guy associated with fire the most (besides Bowser). I just think it'd be funny. And the firebrand makes it worse. Imagine Mario trying something with barbeque sauce after getting his firebrand, and he asks Luigi what it is, and Luigi says it's just regular bbq sauce. Not hot sauce, bbq sauce. (It's reminding me of that one hot stew from Brothership; I feel like after Mario had it, he'd immediately run over to the cold side of the island to cool off since it's too hot for him LOL)

Anyway, those are just silly little headcanons :D

[jaybleu25]

After I made a Mario headcanon (this post), I decided to make a Luigi headcanon!! This one's a bit more specific though and it's also something I vaguely mentioned previously in stories before, but I wanted to go a bit more in depth. So here it is!!

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Luigi HC: Luigi has G.A.D. (Generalized Anxiety Disorder).

It's something I headcanoned for a while actually, and it all started from me finding a random Treesicle video talking about this sort of thing that was posted 7 years ago. Ironically, this was the video that even taught me about GAD in the first place, and if I never saw it, I don't think I ever would've known that I myself actually have it (I didn't just get this headcanon because I wanted to put a bit of myself into Luigi's character fyi, but it did help me learn about myself and also helped me to get actually diagnosed, so that's something)

The video I linked talks about this more, but essentially, Luigi has been dealing with anxiety ever since he was born (even if he was unaware of it). Whenever he started crying, it just wouldn't stop until Luigi either 1, got physically moved away from what was upsetting him (for example in Partners in Time where Baby Luigi started crying and Baby Mario literally couldn't make him stop no matter what he did, so he just pushed him out of the room), or 2, Luigi got a comforting hug from his big brother, who would reassure him that things are okay (I don't even need to list examples, y'all have seen the amount of times this man is crying in Mario's arms)

Here's a few symptoms/examples:

Perceiving situations and events as threatening, even when they aren't

An example at the top of my mind is the beginning of Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam, where Luigi's having to go into a room inside Peach's Castle to look for something, with a Toad being there with him to help look. Luigi looks terrified the entire time, and it probably wasn't helping that it was dark when entering the room. But the Toad didn't seem scared at all. It was just Luigi. And nothing was even happening plot wise yet; they were literally just walking into a dark room.

2. Difficulty handling uncertainty / Indecisiveness and fear of making the wrong decision

We've seen Luigi go on adventures on his own before, but a big majority of them have him terrified. Think Mario & Luigi: Superstar Saga. Mario gets sick, so Luigi has to go out on his own to try and find the cure. But as soon as this man walks out of the building, he can't jump, run, nothing. He's absolutely terrified. He doesn't think he can go on this big, "dangerous" journey to get a cure. He literally has to go to a hypnotist of some sort to make himself believe that he's Mario to be able to do this. He feels as though he's not strong enough to do this himself, and that he can't do anything if Mario's not there. Granted, this has gotten better in more recent games, but Luigi still is nervous whenever having to do stuff on his own. I think Brothership is him slowly getting used to doing things himself, which is a good step in the right direction. And it helps that he has Mario supporting him the entire time, too.

3. Difficulty concentrating, or the feeling that your mind "goes blank" / Fatigue

This is mainly in the Mario & Luigi games (especially Brothership for some reason), but whenever there's an important conversation going on, Luigi always somehow manages to fall asleep. For example, in Bowser's Inside Story where he's asleep during an important meeting, or in Brothership where he's asleep standing up while everyone is trying to decide who should be "kidnapped" in order to find out the Extension Corps' plans. For people with GAD, and also speaking from experience, you tend to often feel so much anxiety that it tires you out physically. A lot. And I think that's what Luigi's dealing with in this situations; he's just almost always felt stressed or scared (which who can blame him, the kingdom's been dealing with some sort of situation for years) that it tires him out so much that he can't help but fall asleep because his body is trying to get that energy back.

4. Nervousness or being easily startled / Trembling or feeling twitchy

This man jumps at everything. Even at things that aren't even supposed to be "scary". At the beginning of Luigi's Mansion 3, when walking around his room, whenever Luigi opens a drawer and something pops out, it always makes him jump. This even happens before the hotel gets all spooky. And in a big majority of the Luigi's Mansion games, if Luigi stands still, he's shaking (which, granted, this is a terrifying situation, but still). This happens in other games as well, such as Paper Jam as mentioned earlier.

5. Persistent worrying or anxiety about a number of areas that are out of proportion to the impact of the events / Worrying about catastrophic events

At the beginning of Mario & Luigi: Dream Team, Luigi has a nightmare about pretty much everything going to shambles, with the blimp falling and crashing as well as Antasma attacking everyone (also, little thing I want to mention: It's Luigi's dream, but who's the one fighting Antasma? Mario. This adds to point 2). But then when Luigi wakes up, we see that the blimp is perfectly fine, and it didn't crash. Everyone is safe and sound. But even after the nightmare ends, Luigi is still terrified, as if he still thinks that the nightmare is still happening. He panics to the point where he accidentally trips off the blimp and ends up knocking himself unconscious from hitting his head on the ground. (Also, I don't care what anyone says; I feel like Mario would've definitely stayed by Luigi's side until he woke up)

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Again, this is just a little headcanon of mine (I say little as if I didn't just write several paragraphs qwq). I'm interested to see what you all think :D

[jaybleu25]

what i can't draw i put into words

but dang do i wish i could draw my fanfics qwq

[jaybleu25]

whoever created apa format for essays i dont like you

[jaybleu25]

I FINALLY FINISHED BROTHERSHIP!! I got things to say!!!!

firstly,

BRO THAT GAME WAS AWESOMEEEEE THERE WERE SO MANY WHOLESOME MOMENTS IN IT MY HEARTTTTTTTTT

second thing, but i have a feeling some people will disagree with me on this one: this wasn't as angsty as SPM. don't get me wrong, i definitely believe it was as angsty as TTYD if not angstier, but i feel like SPM is just the maximum possible angst you can get in a mario game. like...the main cast literally got killed on screen. i feel like you can't really get angstier than literal death (and also seeing people you care about die with you, mario angst owie). i do think brothership was angsty, but i don't think it was SPM level just because of that reason.

but speaking of angst...

man do i have a few ideas for my au :)

won't say too much because i don't want to spoil much of my next video, but i will talk about a few things here because i have been unable to ramble about this qwq

first thing: the sharkbones. those guys can kill you in one hit. that is quite insane. and also somehow stronger than the main bosses?? like, even if you're underleveled in a boss fight and get hit, you still have a chance of survival. but for the sharkbones, if you get hit once, that's it.

there's also the concept of glohm, and it's interesting to see how it effects the bros different compared to everyone else. because for everyone else, they're completely hateful to the people around them and stuff, wanting to be alone. but when the bros get it in battle, they keep fighting alongside the other bro. sure, they can't do bros attacks and stuff with each other, but they don't run away from each other or anything. they still stick together. and i like to think that's their brotherly love for each other being so strong that they're able to sort of fight back against the glohm, not letting it completely consume them. also, it's interesting what happens right before one of the bros attacks if they're infected with glohm. right before they attack, they stop moving and grab their head almost as if they're in pain.

i feel like the glohm definitely effects the bros differently. you can see the bros trying their best to fight it off, but when they try to attack, their negative thoughts and feelings get so loud that they just...can't. they genuinely have to stop moving because their head is so loud, and it won't stop until either of them uses an ampberry. the bros still want to help each other; you can see that with how much they fight the glohm's control.

also, unrelated note, but THE SCENE IN ZOKKET'S FORTRESS WHERE MARIO IS JUST SO UPSET ABOUT LUIGI BEING TAKEN THAT HE DOESN'T EVEN MOVE???

LIKE?????? NINTENDO GIVE HIM HIS BROTHER BACK HE'S SO LOST WITHOUT HIM?????

but yeah, those are some of my ramblings; i really loved this game!!! i can't wait to write more stuff based on it :D

[jaybleu25]

just finished the last game in the "to the moon" series

ow

[jaybleu25]

ive had to focus on so much uni work that i have been unable to think of video ideas for like a month straight help

[jaybleu25]

does anyone else need tone indicators when talking to people online or no

i genuinely have a hard time telling what's a joke and what isn't sometimes; like when people jokingly insult or something i take it seriously and then i end up being upset for the rest of the day

[jaybleu25]

headcanon time with the bros!!

in their senior year of high school, the bros started getting little stubbles because they were finally able to start having mustaches. mario just shaved his at first, but luigi wanted to let his grow out since he thought maybe having a mustache would show people that he's cool.

however, it had the opposite effect, with people at school calling him weird or a freak; they weren't used to seeing something like that.

devastated, luigi went home and was about to shave it, but then mario confronted luigi about it, asking what was wrong. the moment he found out what happened, he was furious. at the same time, he came up with a plan.

a little while after, one day, the bros both showed up to school together with mustaches, shocking everyone and causing the torment towards luigi to stop.

[jaybleu25]

is there any reason why some lights look more yellow and others look kinda blue or no

i noticed it going down different streets growing up and it always confused me because houses with yellowish lights always looked more welcoming but ones with blueish lights seemed creepy

[jaybleu25]

the urge to write another high school bros related story even though not that many people care about those qwq

[jaybleu25]

anxiety sucks qwq

i want to play games with friends but at the same time im too scared to ask them because like. what if im bothering them and theyre in the middle of something super important or what if im sounding annoying or needy

and because of that most times i just end up joining a vc in our friend server hoping that someone just randomly decides to join because im literally just too scared of saying "hey does anyone wanna play something :D"

[jaybleu25]

fun fact: working on 2 videos at the same time is tiring and challenging (shocker)

i'm working on one main big one, but i'm also working on a smaller one at the same time that's way shorter (like 5 minutes compared to the main video being likely almost an hour long)

despite that though, trying to find time for both while also trying to spend time with friends, on homework, etc is a bit challenging :')

i've been spending a lot of time with friends recently to help me relax and get my mind off of certain personal stuff, but then after about a week or 2 of doing that i kind just went "oh shoot i'm not gonna get this video done in time am i", but at the same time i don't really want to stop hanging out with my friends so i'm kinda just stuck qwq