#jason finding beauty in the mundane

[strangepoppy]

This reminded me so much of coming out from depression. When good days strung into a streak of good days and you found strength to rise your head and look at the sky, cloud, the colours of the sunrise and find it beautiful and feel momentary peace in yourself.

Hiya! First of all your blog’s interface is so cute i’m rolling on the floorrrrrrr

Second of all your writing is absolutely amazing, i’ve just finished reading “the pizza delivery girl’s survival guide to gotham city” and lemme tell u i can’t wait for the next chapter cause absolute gold-

I wanted to ask what your thoughts are on Jason and day-to-day life outside of costume. Like, dude HAS to go outside as himself at least every once in a while, out of pure necessity. How do you think he goes on about it?

Aw, thank you, I'm glad you like my blog interface and my fic. I think it depends on how much he's progressed in processing his trauma, to be honest!

I imagine when he first moved back in Gotham, he avoided going out as much as possible, for a multitude of reasons. First, because he was still reeling emotionally from Bruce enacting project Knightfall (aka faking his own death), he was recovering from the injuries he sustained during the events of Arkham Knight (and of course, the injuries he got from the Joker). Most importantly, he is adjusting to living in a city he once hated enough to want to destroy.

I feel like those first few weeks were painful for him. Every place is filled memories, and while not all of them are bad memories, they often feel too painful to revisit. He likely spent most of his time cooped up in a safehouse (which was established as something he makes no effort to make comfortable), only going out when he absolutely had to. Interacting with the city and its people as little as possible. While I don't think the Joker ever meant him to survive his torture, the amount of scars and physical injuries he bears means that a lot of his interactions bring a lot of (misplaced) guilt and shame. Did that shopkeep spend too long looking at his face, his scar? Maybe he'll pass by some hole-in-the-wall shop and remember that he and Dick and Barbara would cool down there after patrols. The ramen, he'll think, is surprisingly good. The owner is a smiling, heavyset man who insists that they never pay for their meals. Maybe he'll even take a single step toward the shop, only to remember that the scars on his hands make it so it's hard to hold cutlery without shaking. That there are days when it's physically painful to eat. And he'll shake his head and walk away.

But I think the more he interacts with PG in the story and the more he fixes his relationship with his family, the more he'll be able to interact with Gotham City. Maybe going to the grocery won't be treated like a military supply run. Maybe he'll look up from his carefully-curated list and realize a type of candy Barbara used to be obsessed with is back in stock now. Maybe he'll put it in his cart, and for the first time in a while, he doesn't have to think about what he did to her as the Arkham Knight. One day, he'll wake up before his alarm and remember that you used to talk about watching the sun rise over Gotham Bay. He'll take a long walk along the shoreline and watch the way the sky turns into soft shades of pink and orange, and he'll be surprised at the realization that there are still beautiful things in Gotham. Maybe your face will flash in his mind, and he'll think that perhaps he shouldn't be so surprised, after all. Maybe one day, after a long night of patrol, he'll pass by the ramen shop again and this time, he decides to stay. The only thing that has changed is the owner, who's gained weight and a few gray hairs, but his smile is still the same. He'll bring Jason's order without asking, and he'll insist that he doesn't have to pay for it. Eating doesn't hurt as much as he feared. In fact, some days, he can move his hands without feeling pain. This is one of the good days. Maybe on that good day, he'll be surprised to find that the ramen is still good. That he can think of the days he used to stay here with his family after patrols, exchanging combat tips and juicy bits of gossip. And this time, he's able to smile.

[gay-dorito-dust]

You may request A batboys reacting to the death of the reader

First time writing for Tim, so he’s probs ooc in this one.

Dick feels as though he’s failed you.

He tries to act like he was fine but he was far from it and everyone knew it as they stepped on eggshells with him during this time.

Dick would often find himself sat on the very rooftops where he’d take you on countless dates or just to star gaze and talk as though you were still with him.

It was his own way of comforting himself with your loss but that was never enough to stop the tears that fell from his eyes when he spotted a bright star he’s never seen before until now, and laughs humourlessly.

‘I see you’ve finally made your way amongst the stars huh sweetheart?’ He’d say as your star would twinkle in response, making him chuckle. ‘You’re so beautiful, the brightest of your kind.’ He adds sombrely as he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand as he felt his heart sing out for you, only to receive nothing in return.

Reality was often disappointing but with you it was a fairy tale.

Waking up to you was a dream within itself and getting to do mundane things with you before heading off to work was something that could only exist in a daydream.

He knew Hayley misses you as badly as he does with how he’d hear the poor dog whine and whimper at the door, as if waiting for you to walk through it and tackle her with kisses and love like you always did, only to get nothing for hours.

‘I know, I miss them too.’ He says against Hayley’s fur as she whimpers and whines at the door. ‘I miss them so fucking much it hurts.’ He adds as he allows himself to mourn for you alongside his dog long into the night.

Jason blames himself for not being fast enough or strong enough to keep you protected and safe.

The apartment you once shared with him that only recently had started to feel like home to him now felt cold and haunted with the ghost of you, so much so to the point he avoids it at all cost.

Nothing felt right without you, everything felt wrong and unjustified that he became more ruthless then before on patrols just to let off some steam and would come back from them more beaten and bruised then normal.

He didn’t care, he couldn’t feel anything anymore with how numb he became after loosing you.

Dick and Roy would stop by to see how he was doing but each visit was the same with Jason refusing his older brother and best friend entry as he held one of your plushies tightly against his chest. He knows they mean well but he just couldn’t find it within himself to hear the same thing he’s heard from everyone else; It just felt disingenuous after a while and didn’t feel as though people truly understood the impact that you had on him throughout your time together.

Jason would become more destructive with himself and going headfirst into danger without a second thought and damns his teammates for dragging him out by the scruff of his neck as he fights and kicks out of their hold. He doesn’t want to be saved! He just wanted to be with you again, why couldn’t they see that?!

After loosing you Jason becomes more prone to angry outbursts and often lets them out on the wrong person but he couldn’t care less at this point, his favourite person was gone and he was left back where he was before you.

Lost and deeply afraid.

Tim would retreat from everyone and everything by cooping himself into his room, rarely to come out.

He’d rather rot in his bed and on his phone, looking through all the photos you’ve taken together and seeing just how happy you both were, all the while a pit in his stomach grew at the thought of all the plans you’ve made but would never get to do.

He hated how easily he gave you his heart and hated it even more at just how easy it was to loose you that he wishes that he could stop himself from meeting you for the first time, just so he could selfishly save himself from the best moments of his life and the inevitable heartbreak he’d soon suffer.

Tim would do anything in his power to get you back but knew that it just wasn’t possible.

He knew Jason was given life by the Lazarus pit but he wasn’t willing to subject you to that even if he was held at gunpoint. He’d rather you rest in peace than force you to live with the knowledge that you should technically be dead.

Tim would remain in his room, wondering about the what ifs and the what could’ve beens if you hadn’t died. Would someone have taken your place? Was your death an unchangeable fixed point in time that was meant to happen?

He would only be reunited with you in his dreams where he has saved you and you had gotten to live out the rest of your life happily, rather then left for dead in an alleyway not too far from the place where you were originally going to meet up for date night.

Damian dedicated his life to getting revenge.

He had lost the light in his life, so why should he think his adversaries should live when you weren’t even given the option?

There will be more bodies pilling up on the streets of Gotham at a faster rate than normal whenever Damian is on patrol, much to Bruce’s dismay.

His anger and grief was all consuming and that left little to no room for logic to make him stop and see what he was doing was no better than the thing that took you away.

Life was black and white for a long time for Damian and you were the colour.

You were the air he breathed and without you he was gasping.

He knew about the Lazarus pit in his grandfather’s possession and its mythical properties and how it gave Jason a second chance at life. However he was at a cross roads on using it for his own selfish gain, on one hand he could have you back and everything would be fine again, but on the other hand you wouldn’t be the version of you he fell in love with…

Damian didn’t know what to do. The grief, the anger, the sadness…it was all too much for him. He felt as though he apart of him was missing and he would never get it back, it just wasn’t possible.

Bruce feels as though nothing has changed since his parents death.

He may be older, faster, stronger and wiser but that didn’t mean nothing in the face of death, and your death only proved that to be true as he held you in his arms, holding you close to his chest as he quietly sobs into your cold neck.

Much like Tim, Bruce doesn’t take care of himself anymore and it was up to Alfred to make sure that he doesn’t keep over and die unexpectedly.

‘They wouldn’t want this for you sir.’ Alfred would say as Bruce slams his hands down on the surface of his desk. ‘And what would you know that they want for me Alfred, y/n’s dead and it’s my fault.’ He would bark and bare his teeth at the only father figure he had in his life, a father figure whom has seen this expression bore on the young master’s face more times then he could count, but it still hurt him to see Bruce in pain and heartbreak.

‘They would want you to take care of yourself, sleep proper hours, eat full meals, shower, reach out to anyone,’ Alfred began to walk towards Bruce and place a hand on his shoulder, where he could practically feel the unbridled anger and pain radiation through him that he kept under control. ‘They wouldn’t want you to wallow in pain alone, Gotham needs you.’

‘And I needed them.’ Bruce replied sharply, aggressively wiping his eyes with his hand as he looks over at a framed picture of you that he always kept nearby. ‘All I wanted was them.’ He adds softly this time as he looks at Alfred, lost and confused at what to do now that his anchor was gone. ‘I miss them so much Alfred.’

Alfred brings Bruce into his arms, much like he did when he lost his parents, when he lost Jason and now you, allowing him to burrow his face into the Butler’s shoulder and softly sob into the fabric. Alfred felt his heart break even more as he rubbed Bruce’s back in an attempt of bringing him comfort. ‘I know master Bruce, I know, but you’d be doing their memory a great disservice by destroying yourself.’ The older man started as he looked over at the framed picture of you and smiled soberly, you were a beacon to Bruce and Alfred wasn’t afraid to say that he viewed you as his in law with how happy you made Bruce and that was all Alfred could ever want for him.

Now that you were gone, Alfred couldn’t help but feel that the manor got just that little bit lonelier without you.

[dollishbabess]

different batboys going in a fitting/dressing room with you - dollish

Dick Grayson (Nightwing)

HC:

1. Playful and Flirty The moment you ask him to come into the fitting room, Dick's eyes light up with excitement. “Are we sure this is a good idea?” he teases with a grin, but he’s already slipping in behind you enjoying the view a little too much.

2. Compliments for Days Every time you try on something new, Dick showers you with praise. “You look incredible,” or “That color is perfect on you.” He’s genuinely mesmerized by everything you wear and isn’t shy about letting you know. (🐆)

3. Hands-on Assistance When you struggle with a zipper or a clasp, Dick is more than happy to help. He’ll stand behind you, hands warm against your skin, and he takes his time, savoring the moment (and definitely not photographing it in his mind to remember later)

4. Playful Reactions He’ll jokingly suggest matching outfits or make exaggerated poses in the mirror next to you. It’s impossible not to laugh when he’s around, and you both end up having way more fun than you expected. (Posing QUEEN FINAL BOSS💜)

(I can’t think of an action sorry!)

Jason Todd (Red Hood)

HC:

1. Reluctant but Willing Jason acts like he’s not interested in shopping, but when you ask him to join you in the fitting room, he raises an eyebrow and follows without hesitation. “Only because you look good in everything,” he grumbles.

2. Blunt Honesty Jason doesn’t sugarcoat anything. If he thinks something looks amazing on you, he’ll tell you straight up. If it doesn’t suit you, he’ll say, “Nah, not your best look.” You appreciate his honesty, even if it makes you roll your eyes sometimes. (🐆)

3. Playful Teasing He can’t help but tease you when you’re trying on different outfits. “Are you sure you’re not just showing off for me doll?” he’ll say with a smirk, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

4. Protective Presence Jason stands in the corner with a watchful eye, making sure no one bothers you or tries to peek in. He’s protective, even in such a mundane situation, and it’s oddly comforting and holds the curtains of the fitting room closed or stands next to the door. (atp please stay home)

ACTION!: As you try on a dress, Jason tilts his head, taking a moment to admire you before saying, “You should buy it. And wear it for me later.” The heat in his gaze is enough to make you blush, and he smirks, knowing exactly the effect he has on you.

Tim Drake (Red Robin)

HC:

1. Awkward but Sweet Tim is a bit flustered when you suggest he join you in the fitting room. “Uh, are you sure that’s allowed?” he stammers, but he eventually follows, cheeks tinted pink. (DAMN YOU ON EDGE OF THE BED YOU ABOUT TO FALL OFF)

2. Helpful but Shy He’s not sure where to look when you’re changing, but he does his best to be helpful. If you ask for his opinion, he’ll give you a thoughtful answer, genuinely considering how each outfit suits you. (🐆)

3. Accidentally Cute When you’re struggling with an outfit, Tim fumbles to help, often resulting in the two of you tangling up together. He apologizes profusely, and you can’t help but find his awkwardness endearing.

4. Gives Genuine Compliments When you finally emerge in a new outfit, Tim’s eyes widen, and he stares for a moment before saying, “You look… amazing.” His voice is sincere, and it makes you feel like the most beautiful person in the world.

ACTION!: You’re trying on a particularly tricky dress, and Tim offers to help with the zipper. His fingers brush against your skin, and he freezes, face turning bright red. “S-Sorry,” he mumbles, but you can tell he’s not entirely unhappy about being so close to you.

Damian Wayne (older but no smut)

HC:

1. Reluctantly Joins Damian initially refuses to join you in the fitting room. “That’s highly inappropriate” even when you’re dating,But when you insist, he sighs and follows, muttering something about how he’s only doing it to protect you.

2. Gives Direct Feedback Damian doesn’t mince words. If he thinks something looks bad, he’ll tell you outright. “That’s hideous. You deserve better,” he’ll say, but he’ll also let you know when something suits you perfectly, even if he tries to act indifferent. (🐆)

3. Respectful Distance He stands with his back turned whenever you’re changing, arms crossed and eyes closed. He respects your privacy but will peek when you’re not looking, just to make sure you’re okay.

4. Secretly Enjoys It Though he’d never admit it, Damian loves spending this time with you. He might even pick out a few outfits for you to try, claiming they’re “more appropriate” but secretly hoping you’ll wear something he chose.

ACTION!: You try on an outfit he picked, and when you ask for his opinion, Damian gives a satisfied nod. “It suits you,” he says simply, but you catch the hint of a smile tugging at his lips, revealing how pleased he is.

Bruce Wayne (Batman)

HC:

1. Charming and Sophisticated Bruce is the ultimate gentleman in the fitting room. When you invite him in, he gives you a knowing smile and steps inside, immediately making the small space feel more refined. (Loves it)

2. Knows Fashion Bruce has an eye for style and knows exactly what suits you. He offers suggestions and adjustments, making sure you look perfect in every outfit. He’ll even offer to buy you whatever you like, no matter the cost. (🐆)

3. Effortlessly Romantic He’s the type to help you with a zipper or clasp without you even asking. His touch is gentle but firm, and he makes the simplest action feel intimate and loving”

4. Playful Yet Classy Bruce isn’t above making a few flirtatious comments. “I think you’d look better without it,” he’ll whisper in your ear, his tone teasing but filled with genuine affection. (gl walking tomorrow babes)

ACTION!: You try on a stunning gown, and Bruce’s eyes darken as he steps closer. “You look breathtaking,” he murmurs, his fingers brushing against your bare shoulder. The intensity of his gaze makes your heart skip a beat, and you realize that even in a fitting room, Bruce Wayne knows how to sweep you off your feet.

This is @dollishbabess work not yours, DO NOT copy or share on other platforms and if you do, I must get full credit Ty🦢

dividers from @cafekitsune !

[heavysighing-dreamyeyes]

Between Heartbeats

Hurt/Comfort ~1k words

Jason Todd rarely finds peace. His whole life has been spent fighting, surviving. But he finds peace with you, simple, quiet moments that he returns to in his mind when everything else seems hopeless.

The soft times, that people may call mundane, are the most precious to him.

When you sit out on the fire escape of your apartment, wrapped in a blanket together, watching the sunset between buildings. Your head rests on his shoulder, his hand idly traces patterns over your hip. Steam rises from the hot drink in your hands.

Later, on patrol, he'll hold this moment close to his heart. He'll close his eyes, and it's almost like he can still feel your warmth.

When you're falling asleep, tangled together before he leaves to protect Gotham, the way you seek his warmth in the cold winter months. You always find a way to press as much of yourself against him as possible, he relishes in it, being so close to you, the way your chest rises and falls. He forces his tired eyes open so he can watch the way your fingers curl against his skin, the way you tuck your head against his shoulder. It's beautiful, perfect, and he wants nothing more than to stay like this with you forever.

Later, when the steel and concrete are crushing his body to the ground, he'll wish he did.

When you always find a way to touch him. Ankles hooked under the table, pinkies entwined when you have to lean away to reach something, a promise you're coming back. Your body flushed against his side, his chest against your back, his forehead pressed to yours. He loves touching you in any way. He loves you. He loves you.

Now, in the ruins of rubble he's trapped under, when his vision is starting to go dark and he can't quite make out the voices coming through his helmet, he dreams of touching you one more time, telling you how much you mean to him. He can picture it so clearly, the brightness of your eyes, the feel of your skin against his, the smell of your scent in his nose.

He hopes they spare you the details. That they tell you he died saving people, that he died good.

He hopes he goes to heaven. He'd wait as long as it takes, but he wants to see you again. He's still seeing the color of your eyes, still swearing his love with every beat of his heart, when everything goes black.

Jason doesn't go to heaven. He knows this because he can hear you crying. He's not hell, either. He knows that because he can feel the familiar touch of your hand in his.

It takes all his strength to open his eyes. But you're crying, and nothing's going to stop him from fixing that.

"Baby?" He chokes out. He winces a little. His voice sounds awful, it hurts to talk.

Your head whips up and you pitch towards him, moving to hug him before you stop short. He can tell you're scared to hurt him more than he already is. He can feel the bruises littering his skin, the swelling in his face.

"C'me 'ere," he mumbles out, struggling to gain control over his own tongue again. You shake your head, tears still spilling down your face.

He sighs out your name, soft and pleading and tugs your hand. "S'okay, baby, C'mere."

"I thought you were dead," You cry instead, "the news said– and the others you stopped answering over comms–"

He frowns, he really, really wants to hold you right now, to make it better. "Not dead. I'm okay." He tries again to pull you onto the bed, but it's really difficult when his arms feel like they're not attached to his body.

"You're not okay!" You protest, eyes darting over him anxiously.

"Baby," he pleads, tugging your hand to his chest, over his heart, "please."

You give in this time, following his tugs onto the bed, you carefully curl at his side, and make sure to to put any weight on him. Jason's not having any of that, and pulls you half on top of him.

"Jason," You scold through your tears, moving to pull away.

"Don't," he says softly, begging as he starts to find his words again, as the anesthesia starts to wear off, "thought I wouldn't see you again. Lemme have you close."

He relaxes when you settle against him.

"I thought you were dead," You tell him again, voice quiet and shaken, but your tears have started to slow. So he must be doing something right.

"Yeah," he kisses your hair, and knows better than to lie right now, even if he doesn't want to scare you, "me too. I thought about you, you know. The whole time. Knew I had to get home, back to you."

You let out a choked noise and and move your head over his heart, listening to it beat against your ear.

"I'm gonna be okay, baby," Jason soothes softly, breathing out your name carefully to try and console you, "looks worse than it feels."

"You're just saying that cause the morphine hasn't worn off yet," You murmur against his chest.

It makes him laugh, then wince a little as he runs his fingers up and down your spine, "Are you– are we gonna be okay?"

You look up at him, so pretty, so perfect, "Yeah. As long as you heal completely, before you start patrolling again."

Jason grins down at you and doesn't fight the urge to press kisses to your cheeks, your nose, your lips, "I love you."

And when you echo the sentiment, say his name with more adoration than he knows what to do with, it's another moment he engraves into his soul.

[quarterlifekitty]

What kind of slasher are they?

cw: violence, slut shaming

Ghost is like Michael Myers or, Bobby from Sorority House Massacre. The reasons for what he does aren’t explicitly clear, and he’s not about to tell you why he’s doing what he’s doing. His kills are indiscriminate and he doesn’t even relish in them— it’s just something that needs to be done. He’s pursuing you because you are (or at least resemble) someone important from his life before. And he has unfinished business with you.

Gaz is like Pearl (from Pearl) or Patrick Bateman— he kills to cope with the meaningless mundanity of his life. He’s meticulous in his appearance and knows he’s not like everyone else— he just can’t be. There’s something rotten inside, so he has to be beautiful on the outside. You’re spared because you don’t play by the rules that he knows society to operate on. You listen when he speaks, you don’t just wait for your turn to talk. There’s something behind your eyes when you smile. You’re real, and he isn’t, and you need to be preserved.

Soap is like Freddy Krueger or the Driller Killer (from Slumber Party Massacre 2). He’s the man of your dreams, and above all else, he’s here to have fun. Usually that means goring pretty things like you and turning them into blood fountains, but if you happen to be more fun alive than screaming for mercy and impaled? He’ll probably wanna keep you around. Too bad about all your friends, though.

Price is a resident killer, like Vincent from Motel Hell or Chuck Connors in Tourist Trap. It’s you who walks into his domain, and it’ll be the last mistake you ever make. He’s nested quite nicely, and made the perfect system to kill, process and dispose— all with a smile and a family name that makes him beloved in the small town. You’re spared because, well… it’s about time for him to settle down. And of course you’re none the wiser now, but when you’ve gotten used to everything? He wants you to help him.

König is like Jason Vorhees. He kills because you’ve done something bad— a violation of his own personal code of ethics. He’ll strike swift and true, clearing out all of the filth from his own little corner of the world. You’re spared because you’re such a good girl— just the kind his mother would’ve loved. You’re not like one of those whores traipsing around in his woods… No, he’ll save you from all of those bad influences you find yourself surrounded by.

[002yb]

I really need more of Dick being jealous, and it starts out with Jason being oblivious and just making things worse by interacting/flirting with others but when Jay finds out he double down on it until Dick can't handle it anymore and just kisses him and gets all possessive.

Idiots in Love trope x1000 ❤️

Jason having a persistent and undying crush on Dick since back when Dick was Robin

He's been flirting at Dick for a literal decade

Problem is - Jason is terrible at it

What's embarrassing? Jason is actually a natural flirt. The most unintentionally flirty bastard that ever walked the earth, in fact. Not that he's aware of this, of course. The fact stands.

When Jason tries to flirt? Strongly reiterating that he's bad at it. It's always tongue-tied stutters or bashfulness that steals his words; sometimes it goes the opposite direction and Jason gets confrontational through his embarrassment. Usually though? Jason's best efforts come across as completely mundane and casual.

Jason looking to his friends for feedback because see above with 'flirting for a literal decade' and his friends are just flummoxed after witnessing one such Jason > Dick flirts because wtf was that, Todd??

Jason being just as flummoxed because what do they mean what was that? That was Jason putting on the moves.

Cue everyone showing Jason how to flirt with intention - and I mean everyone

Even if Jason isn't interested in anyone but Dick, the attention still flusters him in a way that leaves him feeling a whole range of emotions - from bashful to amused to petulant to playful to embarrassed and it's ahhhhhhh always with a blush

Anyway. From Dick's perspective, Jason is flirting with everyone except for him. It's so blatantly apparent, too.

Which leads to Dick getting jealous

And being a little petulant about it

Petulant meaning - Dick inserts himself into every possible interaction to diffuse flirting situations

Jason might be oblivious to a lot, but he picks up the uptick in attention Dick gives him directly after everyone else starts giving him attention and it's very oh

So Jason carries on with the flirting with others, but only ever when Dick is around to witness it. All his attention stays on Dick, too and it's a heady sort of thing to witness how Dick's mood shifts - pleasant to dark in a way that Jason isn't familiar with but feels very keen about

And it's at that point that Jason can't help but smirk and it's such a lascivious look that Dick is fully enraptured - watching from a distance. Almost like he's stalking Jason and okay, yeah - yes please.

Maybe whoever is helping Jason with his flirting at that point gets a little swept up in the moment and pushes forward to close some distance. Only before any kiss can happen, Dick is right there behind them, pulling Jason back to his chest with his hand over Jason's mouth to prevent any kisses from being given and ohhhhh the way Dick's upper lip lifts in a snarl has Jason shuddering apart against him and it's lovely

Dick pulling Jason away to someplace private and he wants to ask what's going on but Jason and him just end up making out until Jason's knees give out and Jason stumbles until Dick catches him - laughing breathlessly because fuck

Meanwhile Dick is a little confused, but endlessly enamored because Jason's laugh is a beautiful thing - so is the way his cheeks flush and his lips bruise and hot damn

Jason explaining what was happening with their friends helping Jason out, since Jason wasn't having any luck with Dick on his own.

Help with what?

Flirting with you? Like I've been for xx years??

Dick doing the math and getting a little hot under the collar for it. Redirecting the conversation back to flirting lessons because what.

The best person to learn from would obviously be Dick though, right?

Then Dick lays some sort of line on Jason - full send flirts and Jason combusts. He's gone. Death has come to claim him a second time. He passes out. His maiden heart cannot handle.

[nepobabyeurydice]

On Ao3

Summary:

Piper brings her friends from school back to the house. Jason and Leo are nice young men…it's just Piper has never done this. Tristan McLean is introduced to Jason and Leo under almost mundane circumstances and is confused.

Tristan waited for his daughter at the airport, hoping desperately that he wouldn't be recognized and that Piper wouldn't be irritated he was here. She’s growing up, Tristan could remember how embarrassed he got when his dad picked him up from school after Tristan got his permit.

He’s ashamed to say it took him a second to find Piper, her choppy haircut had taken on a glossy sheen that Tristan had never seen, there were subtle touches of makeup on her face. The lightest touch was just enough to hide something small, and she looked happier than he had ever seen her after going to a new school.

The boys behind her were chatting casually. The blond one was carrying the heavier bags while the smaller one dragged a shiny metallic case behind him, they were both laughing and Tristan couldn’t pick up any of the normal tension that came from rivalry.

Piper’s kaleidoscope eyes flitted over the people parked before landing on the car. Then, she met Tristan’s eyes, and he braced for rejection only to be hit with joy. The smile, crooked and beautiful lit up Piper’s face. Her friends followed her gaze and each took one of Piper’s hands and dashed towards the car.

“You came!” Piper said breathlessly. “I thought Hedge—”

Tristan barely managed not to shuffle awkwardly instead brushing back Piper’s fringe. “He’s the one who suggested I should come. Did you not want me to—”

“Of course I wanted you to come!” she cried, her eyes sincere. Then, seemingly remembering her manners (not that Tristan would’ve minded) waved at her friends. “This is Jason Cesario, and this is Leo Valdez.”

Tristan smiled and was pleased to see that none of them were flush. It’s always so awkward when he has someone’s Piper’s age look at him like that, never mind her friends.

“Wow, Beauty Queen, here I thought you loved me.” Leo said sarcastically. Both of the children rolled their eyes and Piper pulled Leo into a casual headlock and ruffled his hair.

“I’m sorry, Supreme Commander Toolbelt, would you like some ice for that?” Piper sniped back. Leo pouted and Piper let him go easily, not looking repulsed at the fact that she had a smear of—was that grease—in the shape of fingerprints on her jacket.

He’d never thought he’d see the day when Piper willingly brought friends over to their ‘oversized, 1% not even completely practical box’ (her words not Tristan’s, although he did miss the simplicity of the rez sometimes.)

Jason smiled at their antics and popped the trunk open dumping the luggage into the back. He offered his hand to Tristan and Tristan took it surprised to feel calluses on the whole hand.

Jason seemed to pick up on it. “I do practical stuff here and there.”

Piper and Leo snorted. Tristan let it slide.

Piper took a shotgun and her friends slipped into the back with zero complaint.

They were quiet throughout the ride, although they all fidgeted. Leo had rubber bands, Jason was alternating between reading some thick book and tugging soothingly at his hair. Piper bit her lip, ran her hands through her braid and spun her brackets around. But it was quiet, so Tristan couldn’t complain, although he gently tapped Piper’s hand when she began pinching her skin absentmindedly.

She shot him an exasperated look but stopped anyway, so he counted that as a win.

“So how’d you all meet?” Tristan asked.

All three of them seem to exchange a look without even turning their heads.

“Leo was in all my classes, so it was inevitable really,” Piper said fondly. “And Jason showed up, and we got attached.”

“He’s a parasite,” Leo mock-whispered.

Jason rolled his eyes and ruffled Leo’s hair. “I mooch off you for a map one time.”

“A map?” Tristan asked worriedly.

Piper gave him an exasperated look. “We do go to a wilderness school, Dad. Jason has a…”

“Sense of direction that only works when it’s raining.” Leo shouted although he was swiftly muffled by Jason.

“You’re the one who made a bomb!” Jason cried exasperatedly. “We’re not winning any awards, Leo!”

Piper sighed and pulled down the mirror, so she could see the boys behind her. “Guys, put on your seatbelts. Leo, please don’t stick your head out the window, the paparazzi are everywhere, Jason, your hair is fine and Annabeth Approved.”

The boys went quiet and Tristan picked up on the two clicks of seatbelts hastily put on. Then: “They really do have zero respect for privacy don’t they?”

Because outside Tristan’s gates twenty paparazzi yelling frantically trying to get a photo.

He sighed. “Pipes, I’m so sorry—”

She gave him a little half-smile that reminded him so much of Charlotte Tristan nearly cried. But there was no time for that as Tristan had to turn all his attention into not hitting someone and it turning into a lawsuit.

Which is why the sound of a window opening was the last thing he wanted to hear.

“Hey!” Jason yelled. The cameras turned onto him, but a distinct scent of ozone hung heavily in the air. “I think you’re trespassing on private property here.”

The cameras flashed and Tristan sighed. They had never cared despite frequent requests for a modicum of decency. At least Piper hadn’t had any real scandals beyond the BMW and even that had been hushed up since the dealer hadn’t wanted to subject a child to that scrutiny.

Pipes and her voice, his dad would’ve been proud.

The paparazzo suddenly yelped and scattered as rain barrels down onto the earth with vicious fury.

It faded as though it had never been there once the paparazzi fled the scene, so Tristan took advantage and escaped into the security of his house.

He pretended not to see Leo and Jason exchanging a high-five behind him.

***

Leo gaped wide-eyed at the house while Jason simply took in the wealth like it was something normal, and he had to seen every day.

“Which rooms are they staying in?” Piper asked.

“The ones next to yours. Mellie and Gleeson have rooms in the lower east wing, so you won't have to go far if you need anything from them.”

”Are you shooting another movie?” Piper asked eagerly. “Is it another classic's movie? Or is it--”

“It's a Jake Steel movie.” Tristan sighed and Piper gave a groan. “I'd have you research something for me, but it's pretty clear what it's going to be.”

“Violence, violence, and more violence.” she said bitterly. “You really should take a Cherokee role though. It'd be more interesting than a Jake Steel movie.”

“Too close to home, Pipes.” Tristan sighed. “Everything is far, far too close to home.”

Home where his dad died. Home where he hadn't been while his father suffered in silence until he could no more. If he had just pushed for the King of Sparta to come out just a week earlier he might've had the right amount of money.

“Wait!” Leo said, startled. “You're Jake Steel? Man, the amount of make-up they must put on your face to make you look more white passing.”

Tristan grimaced. “I took it fresh from King of Sparta and agreed to do any Jake Steel movie that happened in the future. They hadn't realized I wasn't white since my last name-”

“Looks white.” Leo finished, his face full of empathy. “Yeah, my full name is Leonidas, so my teachers expected me to be a Castellano transfer student and got Huston born and raised instead.”

“Leonidas,” Piper and Jason sniggered. Leo shot them an acidic look.

Piper smiled at him angelically and turned to Tristan. “I'll talk to Mellie and sort out your schedule, so you can spend more time with us if that's okay.

“Piper,” Tristan said, touched but heartbroken all the same. “I would love nothing more than to spend time with you.”

She smiled, broad, hopeful, and close to tears.

***

The area of beach Mellie reserved for them was truly beautiful. The water almost looked clear, the sand had zero trash (thank god) and it was very clearly isolated which meant you would hear any stalkers and the security team had fewer things to juggle.

He owed that woman a raise, and maybe maternity leave, although she insisted that she wouldn't need it.

“I'm literally going to die if I get in there.” Jason informed Piper bluntly as she sprayed sunscreen on him. ”I've never been the best swimmer and with Percy gone-“

”You'll be fine,“ Piper insisted. ”If you're not, I'll buy you ice cream.”

“That isn't comforting.”

“It's supposed to be a happy thought.”

Jason sighed and allowed himself to be dragged into the water. Tristan eyed him warily. He was exactly Piper's type despite her never having a serious boyfriend.

Tristan could still recall the hilarity of when she first met Zac Efron and Anne Hathaway. The blushing, the stammering, the abrupt self-confidence that charmed those around her once it came out.

Jason at least was wise enough not to try anything with Piper yet, likely frightened of either the paparazzi (unlikely) or just not sure about how Piper would take his affection. (rational, she could be surprisingly vindictive)

Leo was already torso deep in the water cackling every time he emerged from the waves trying to pull him into the depths. The child had zero fear and instead splashed around with a grin and a slightly maniac light in his eyes.

Jason seemed content to be just knee-deep but at Piper's insistence plunged deeper to join both her and Leo's chaotic wave ducking.

Tristan laughed as Piper was toppled over by a particularly fierce wave and emerged near the shore, panting furiously but looking delighted as she chased after the boys. 

“You should join them.” Mellie encouraged. Tristan didn’t even bother to ask how she had appeared out of nowhere. Mellie was supernatural in her ability to appear and Tristan could accept that. 

“They’re having fun.” Tristan replied as Leo hurled himself through a large wave.

Mellie smiled. “Piper wants to spend time with you, Jason wants your approval and Leo is in desperate need of someone older to care for him. I believe you check the boxes with your presence, Tris.”

Jason shrieked as Piper hurled herself upon his back and clamored upon it, both of them crying out as a wave pulled them down and emerging laughing.

“Go have fun.” Mellie said and that was an order.

Tristan considered arguing, but one glance at Piper made him dismiss it. He’d do many things for his daughter. Having fun wouldn’t cost him anything. 

***

In the end Piper left in tears back to her school.

“I love you,” she said. “I’ll see you next year.”

Tristan pressed a kiss on her head, long and frantic. “Your grandfather would be proud, I know I am. Be careful, Pipes.”

Piper leaned back. “Always am,” she lied. “Call me.”

“I will.”

Jason gave Tristan a solemn nod and shook his hand like he was a soldier going off to war. Leo smiled brilliantly and allowed Tristan to pull him into a hug.

He tried not to think that this might be the last time he ever saw the three of them together again. 

[emreerolblog]

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Sitting at a table at home in the very early hours of morning, with a lover or a couple of very close friends, drinking coffee, enjoying the mundane hours with simple or engaging conversations. 

2. What is your greatest fear?

I don’t have any great fears, but one normal fear would be getting or deducing something fundemantally wrong about the existence and realizing that it had cost me something considerably tangible in my life, palpable or emotional.

3. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Being too tolerant about a hostile behaviour or feeling too much emphaty for a sinister person; not in an intellectual way but rather practically.

4. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Wasting their potential brain power of beauty and kindness, and instead using this marvellous, sophisticated organ for lax and cosmically vain / futile manners.

5. Which living person do you most admire?

Probably Alberto Manguel or Jason Silva.

6. What is your greatest extravagance?

Smoking or not having a normal sleeping pattern.

7. What is your current state of mind?

Contemplative.

8. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Having a coherence of thoughts and opinions throughout one’s life.

9. On what occasion do you lie?

When I don’t want to bother myself with the details of some small everyday decisions.

10. What do you most dislike about your appearance?

I am at peace with my bodily appearance.

11. Which living person do you most despise?

I generally don’t despise anyone in my heart or in my intellectual ways, because I believe even the most hostile people have a spectrum of humane qualities about them. I see that even normal people so easily hate one another even though they all have a rich spectrum of good in their hearts and in their outside relationships with the world and other people. And I also intellectually believe that strong, consistent hatred is closely related to intelligence deficiency in some form. But on the other hand, from time to time, I find myself in a position of despise towards a couple of specific toxic people who are obsessed with my every move, who are unable to have healthy communication with me, who don’t possess any humane will or talent about bettering a situation and instead violate my life boundaries impudently.    

12. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Having a strong self and cosmic awareness, having a sincere sense of kindship and humour, and a strong will to better the world. 

13. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Having a strong self and cosmic awareness, honesty, courage to be herself, artistic interests and a strong will to better the world.

14. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

I don’t know.

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Coffee. And as a person, I loved everyone I loved with a distinct care and passion.

16. When and where were you happiest?

I feel in almost every way superior to my past selves, that’s why I wouldn’t trade today’s certain kinds of happiness for a return to a past phase or time, but I probably felt happiest when I was with a close group of friends in the flow of life or in a close love or sexual relationship.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

Playing a couple of musical instruments very well, especially lute, and of course the ability to understand notation and compose music accordingly.

18. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

People should be able to change the things that they don’t like about themselves. If they can’t, then they should try harder or it should be accepted and lived with. But the most immediate change about my own life would probably be being less on the spot in the eyes of hostile people and be able to perform my art in the way that I want without the superficial values and shallow perceptions.   

19. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Attaining the power of feeling at ease by myself, and with myself.

20. If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

I would probably like to come back as a woman version of myself in order to experience the more feminine side of nature and be all over the place with a style and charisma in this patriarchal world, or I would like to come back as a musical instrument and I would like every heartfelt composition to move me accordingly.   

21. Where would you most like to live?

In a world where there is peace and a minimum level of humane living conditions for everybody, probably in somewhere like London, because it rains all the time and it is a cultural hub. 

22. What is your most treasured possession?

My books and music collection.

23. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Wasting one’s only life messing around obsessively with other people and being a bully leader or manager who works solely for his or her own interests and doesn’t have an agenda to better the world.

24. What is your favorite occupation?

Being an archeologist, a paleontologist, a working member of a Natural History Museum, a theoretical physicist, a mathematician, a philosopher, an artist, a philologist, a psychiatrist and a guest academician at a university which has a distinct architecture. I guess I settled for an artist who has an appetite for all these and life in general.   

25. What is your most marked characteristic?

I am not aware of any.

26. What do you most value in your friends?

Sincerity, sincerity, sincerity.

27. Who are your favorite writers?

Susan Sontag, Murathan Mungan, Nilgün Marmara, Lale Müldür, Alberto Manguel, Jorge Luis Borges, Peyami Safa, Stephen King, Rumi and Dücane Cündioğlu are the first ones to come to my mind.

28. Who is your hero of fiction?

Adam from “Only Lovers Left Alive”, Sirius from “Harry Potter”, Isabel from “The Fountain”, Ted Mosby from "HIMYM" and Jesse from “The Before Trilogy”.

29. Which historical figure do you most identify with?

I don’t know, but I’d like to think that every real personality has unique characteristics that are their own.

30. Who are your heroes in real life?

I passed the ages in which I give too much importance to someone in the sense that I see someone flawless or as my hero, and it’s okay, because it makes you forget that they are human.

31. What are your favorite names?

Lara, Alya, Marin

32. What is it that you most dislike?

Being exposed to laxity.

33. What is your greatest regret?

I have three greatest regrets:

That I didn’t give the proper response to a reckless person or two at the time when it mattered because I was too young; that I ended my love relationship too early with a young woman who I loved deeply because I thought she didn’t quite loved me with an equal care and passion; and an adolescence mistake that I had forgotten but remembered probably around three or four years ago.

34. How would you like to die?

The first thing that comes to my mind is, while sailing in the vast waters, at an elderly age, drunk with a cosmic, existential feeling, and a little liquor, landing on a small, empty piece of land, listening to my favourite songs and compositions for a couple of hours on the sands, and then killing myself with a gun. Of course avoiding death for a very very long time would be better.    

35. What is your motto?

Life is shit and gold, let’s be gold. Or “life is life”.

These are my answers to the Proust Questionnaire. (04.11.2024)

[olivechristoffersenardn516]

JANE USSHER

Jane Ussher is a New Zealand photographer, she has a book called Still Life that features photographs she took in Antarctica of the huts for people who climb the mountains. I have known her work for a while as I used her as an artist model in high school. I am drawn to the raw and natural feeling her photos have, she uses a lot of natural light which I find really interesting because she doesn't need to use lots of editing to create an atmosphere in these photos. Capturing the place as is and leaving it untouched with all it's natural light is something really beautiful that I have been trying to do with my photos. This means I have had to stop myself by stressing if an image is pretty or aesthetically pleasing and simply capturing it in it's mundane state. For example when I am taking photos of my house I make sure not to move anything or clean anything because then it's fake and not capturing that place for how it looks all the time, which is lived in.

Photos:

[gangrenados]

The intercourse of strawberry jelly.

I just wanna let y'all know that I suck either tittles

Summary: Sexy time finds a hard time dealing with the importance of finding some jelly for a redhead.

Jason Todd x fem!reader

Warning: smut.

Requests:

-*bad acting while speaking*

oh no someone had walked on jason while he was pounding his gf and it was right when he came too

what does he do

i have a thing for his cum right now

-absolutely captivated by the idea of roy and jay having a casual conversation while jay's pounding someone, and ending said conversation with a "anyway, practice safe sex, because I didn't."

the hot air of Jason's breath hits your skins faintly, right before he let himself go lose and bite down on the soft skin of shoulder. He does it harshly, claiming the body that he has been fucking stupid for a while now.

He wants to see a bruise bloom alongside the mark that his teeth left, joining the fair amount of others that covers you from head to toe. It's a beautiful sight that he would kill to see and recreate all over again.

Hearing your whimpers and cries drives him crazy, putting him over the edge,"C'mon sweetheart, I know you can give me another one." Jason cooes, the lust in his voice dripping like venom as his tonge licks your sweat coated neck before attacking it with open mouth kisses.

Your mind is nod, fried if your being honest and at this point the only think you can focus is in Jason's thick cock going in and out your pussy, wrecking you for the thrid time this night.

The only thing you can do is nod, eager to please him once again even though tears are gathering in the corner of your eyes. Besides that the pleasure is way too much to give up right now.

And even if your legs has given up, making you depend on Jason's grip on your waist to keep you steady, you thrust back in to him. "Jay," a moan scaoes your lips, it's pitiful and enough to make Jason's chest rumble with a chuckle.

" you tired, princess?" he grabs you by the chin, forcing you to look past your shoulder and into him.

Your doe eyes meet his, and he can't deny that you look way beautiful when you're getting your brains fucked out. "Yes, sir," you mumble, unable to move.

Jason kisses your shoulder, right into the mark he had left before." Okay, let's get this< finished then." and just like that Jason decides to work his calloused fingers into your overstimulated clit.

A pitch moan can be heard all over the room, a cry and a thud as you contort on his grip due the shock of pleasure. "Jason I-, don't stop." you babble.

"I'm not planning to."

The world goes deaf, distant as the mushy sensation of all your body giving up to Jason settles down in your bones and muscles.

It feels great, for you and him, and if you could you would stay like this forever.

"Hey man, did we ran out of jelly?" a new person announces it's prescense by opening the door of Jason's bedroom without a care in the world.

The man with the empty glass of strawberry jelly can be identified as Roy Harper, better known the best friend of your boyfriend and current roommate.

"uh, sorry," Roy flashes a quick smile, nodding down at you as if you weren't getting fuck in a all fours. " didn't knew you were coming! wow this is kind of awkward."

And things speeds up once again, a weird limbo between the mushyness of the pleasure and the weird state of embarrassment by getting caught by Jason's friend.

"I told you to buy one a week ago." Jason says, his voice hoarsely and at the same way casual. He's looking at Roy with annoyance, not because of the interruption but because of his obliviousness.

"Shit," Roy curses under his breath before shoving the knife coated in the sweet jelly back into his mouth.

Between the little mundane discussion, you're left forgotten but not unattended, since Jason is still drilling your pussy as if there were no tomorrow.

"uh guys?" you made yourself notice and quickly two pairs of eyes are set on you. This new attention is making your chest tingle with butterflies." can you do this later, please?"

"Sure thing, but I want a PB&J sandwich!"

"Oh fuck," Jason curses between annoyance and lust. Thw worst part of this is that he's feeling his climax getting closer and closer, making his thrust sloppier and deeper." There's one in the countertop, dumbass."

Roy's face shines with triumph," but fucking buy it next time." and he nods eagerly at the demands of his friend, ready to head out.

Jason's breath gets quicker, his body weight slightly pressing over you as he grips your hips harder so you can be tightly pressed against him.

" Fuck, I'm cumming" he breths into your hear, a mere whisper that can pass as a grunt. And just like that, thick ropes of white cum paint your insides.

"I hope y'all practiced safe sex," Roy shouts in the kitchen between the sounds of jars getting moved." because I didn't, and we all know how that ended."

"Roy shut the fuck up!" and he can't help but laugh at the exasperation of Jason, shaking his head and he finally gets with the damn strawberry jelly he has been looking for.

"Well, in that case I want to be the godfather." Roy shouts back as he starts to prepare his sandwich." And I'm not accepting no for an answer, okay!?"

[coffee-latte-sprite]

Sculpture’s Muse

Masterlist

Sculpture!Jason Todd x fem!reader

WC: 500

Warnings: angst, fluff

Jason’s chisel glided over the porcelain marble effortlessly. The tools worked its way through the chalk and helped create a beautifully carved masterpiece. 

Jason worked for millions as his crafted hands were renowned. He worked for Kings and Queens, emperors and empresses, and Gods and Goddess. His hands held the world in his palms and he flourished under the praise. 

His heart flowed with warmth as he saw his creations come together, but one project lay hidden in the back of his studio. It lay in waiting under a long blue blanket, its reminder to painful for him. 

He works on and faces away from the scar of his past. He tries to force himself to think of what his latest canvas will hold, but he can’t. Not when his greatest feat was behind. Not when his greatest desire lay hidden. 

But, he couldn’t.

He couldn’t let his heart break once more. 

So, he continued his work. Let his hands work on their own and create the masterpiece made of dreams. 

The only time the curtain around his heart fell, was at night. The shadows were long and the midnight blue drowned the room. 

The blanket would be pulled down by Jason and it would flutter to the ground and show the world what he was trying so desperately to hide. 

His heart ached to find his inspiration. As his muse couldn’t be found anywhere but his heart. He poured his soul, his desires, and fantasies into this piece of artwork. 

He gazed up at his dream. 

She was perfect. She was everything Jason thought was beautiful and perfect. His tools could never do her beauty justice, but he tried. 

He wished she was real as he dreamed about meeting her. His heart longed for her. He yearned for someone like her. 

He would dream of them togher, talking, reading, watching the days go by on the window sill. All mundane things couples do was imprinted on his soul as he only want her to do them with. 

But, she was a dream. She wasn’t real. Only a figment of his imagination. 

And as this thought came back to his mind, he put the blanket over his creation and went back to his bed to hope to feel her touch in his dreams. 

As he curled in on himself, the moon goddess watched as he ached over a lost love, she took pity on him. She has watched his designs took shape and sprouted around the city. He created the world, and yet, his heart felt empty. 

She allowed him to dream of the love that will come in another life-time, but his desire for happiness was too much as he became even more lonlier. 

She pondered and decided there was only one thing to do. 

The Goddess granted Jason’s wish and let a star shoot across the sky as sleep consumed him, unaware how the statue’s form changed. 

The marble shifted and it’s porcelain changed to a skin tone, and her hair combed into streaks of color, and her eyes blinked open. 

Jason’s wish was granted, just like how Y/N’s wished over and over to see her love from another life. 

[batfam-slash]

Contrary to popular belief, Jason loves weddings.

Good food, lots of alcohol and hey, maybe he’s just a tiny bit sentimental. Being a fan of Jane Austen novels makes you a little bit of a romantic at heart.

Normally he only dances at weddings when he’s had a lot to drink - he’s usually not into slow dancing - but tonight is different. Because at this particular wedding Jason gets to dance with Tim in his arms, and the fucking romantic in him has turned to jelly.

Tim smells good - he’s wearing some kind of expensive cologne - and he fits so perfectly in Jason’s arms, head tucked beneath Jason’s chin.

“So has today been everything you dreamed?” Jason asks with a chuckle, giving Tim’s hips a little squeeze.

Tim looks up at him, his eyes shining with happiness. “Best day ever. Still can’t quite believe I’m married.”

Jason swallows. “Yeah. Me neither.”

Tim opens his mouth to say something else, but everyone else on the dance floor slows to a stop as the song ends, and everyone applauds the band.

That’s when fucking Kon shows up.

“Hey, man,” Kon says to Jason with a smile. “Mind if I cut in?”

“Not at all,” Jason lies, reluctantly releasing Tim.

Tim squeezes Jason’s arm. “I’ll come find you for a drink later. I suppose I’d better spend some time with my husband on our wedding day.”

And suddenly Jason isn’t such a fan of weddings anymore.

He feels as though he’s done a good job of keeping it together today. He’s smiled until the muscles in his jaw hurt; he’s done all the mundane little tasks Tim asked him to do, and he’s tried his hardest to pretend he’s happy for Tim.

He’s done his best to pretend this isn’t the saddest day of his life.

And now he’s just standing in the middle of the dance floor alone, staring at Tim with his new husband.

Luckily Dick appears at that moment to distract Jason, gracefully inserting himself into Jason’s arms, into the spot where Tim had been only moments ago-

“You look like you need cheering up,” Dick says warmly as they start to sway together.

Jason rolls his eyes. “I’m fine.”

“Are you though? You’ve seemed fine up until now, but the cracks are starting to show. Even Bruce can tell you’re unhappy.”

Jason grits his teeth and pulls Dick a little closer. Dick is the only one in the family who knows how Jason feels about Tim, and right now Jason feels so pathetic because he just wants to bury his face in Dick’s shoulder and cry-

“Hey,” Dick says softly, touching Jason’s jaw. “Do you want to go upstairs for a bit? Just have some space to breathe?”

Jason nods, and it’s at that moment he realises there are actual tears on his cheeks.

As Dick takes his hand and gently guides him upstairs to his hotel room, Jason can’t help but think that everything is hopeless now. He’ll never have Tim. Tim will never want him. He’ll never get his happy ending.

“I have to admit,” Dick says as Jason swipes his key card and lets them into the room, “you’re a bigger man than me. You’ve been so composed today. And you’ve been such a big help to Tim - it’s really meant a lot to him. I think you being here and acting like you’re having a good time has made him really happy. So that’s something to think about.”

Jason shrugs off his jacket. He feels numb. He can’t stop thinking about how he held Tim earlier when they were dancing, and how he’ll probably never get to do that again.

“And you’ll never really lose Tim,” Dick continues. “I know it’s not exactly what you want, but he’ll still be in your life. And I’m gonna be here anytime you want to talk about it, or cry about it, or talk shit about Kon-“

Jason pushes Dick up against the wall and presses their lips together.

It’s something he does without really thinking, but right now he just needs something, and Dick is beautiful and kind and understands what he’s going through right now.

“Sorry,” Jason sniffs when he pulls away. “I just…I think I really need this right now.”

Dick’s eyes are so warm. “Okay.”

No argument. No telling Jason this is a bad idea.

So Jason lifts Dick, kissing him again as the older man wraps his legs around Jason’s waist, and Jason carries him to the bed.

There’s a part of Jason that feels terrible about this. Because as he’s undressing Dick, as he’s kissing him and touching him and sliding his fingers inside him, he’s thinking about Tim. He’s imagining it’s Tim.

Dick deserves so much better.

Dick gives Jason the exact kind of comfort he needs; Dick kisses him lovingly and spreads his legs and makes Jason feel wanted. If he lived in a world where Tim Drake didn’t exist, Jason might even be a little bit in love with Dick.

But it’s Tim’s name on his lips when he comes, and Dick must feel so used but he just strokes Jason’s back and kisses his tears away.

“It’ll be okay,” Dick tells him softly. “I’ll be here for you.”

Dick deserves so much better.

[babymetaldoll]

DIWK - Chapter four: "Hurt"

Words count: 13,7K

The gif is mine ✨

Warnings: Hardcore Spencer trauma. Mention of drug abuse,  torture, Criminal Minds usual case triggers. Spoilers of Season 2 E14/15 Criminal Minds.

Summary: An unsub abducts Spencer, and reader blames JJ for it.

A/N: Have you ever wished you were there to save Spencer from Tobias Hankel? I know I have. I know reader wants to... I'm dying to know what you'll think of this chapter! Sorry if it's a little too graphic, writing Spencer's POV of this episode was really hard.

Series Masterlist

Chapter one | Chapter two | Chapter three | Chapter four | Chapter five | Chapter six | Chapter seven | Chapter eight | Chapter nine | Chapter ten | Chapter eleven | Chapter twelve | Chapter thirteen | Chapter fourteen | Chapter fifteen |

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

(Y/N)'s point of view

I remember the day Emily Prentiss arrived. We had a case in Saint Louis. Two serial killers, 'cos it couldn't just be one asshole making everyone miserable. And on top of all, Hotch was confused and upset 'cos he never signed Emily's transfer to the BAU. It was like someone was trying to force her into the team, and we all thought it was weird.

We left the bullpen off to the case and left Prentiss in the office, not knowing if she actually got the job or not. I know Elle and I weren't incredibly close, but it still felt weird to think someone might join the team and try to replace her. It didn't work that way in that job. It didn't feel right at the moment.

There is something I also distinctly remember about that day: Gideon talked to me. And not only that, but he actually trusted my knowledge. We hadn't been on the best terms for a few months, so that approach meant a lot to me.

We were at the police station. Reid and I had been analyzing the letters one of the killers had sent to a journalist to find something that might help us catch him before there were any more victims. That's when JJ and Jason walked in, and he asked about our progress.

- "He only sent this to an individual, which shows he is not confident enough to initiate contact with the masses."- Spencer explained as he projected an image of the letter on the wall.

- "Emotional indicators are analyzed through slants, and you can see the shooter maintains vertical, narrow letter writing, and both are signs of repression"- I said and pointed at the image on the wall- "And the pressure, if you look closely, it's excessively heavy, which shows that he's uptight and can easily overreact."

Gideon looked at me and nodded. It was my cue to keep on talking. For once in a long time, I was feeling approved by him.

- "You got all that from his handwriting?"- JJ asked me, surprised. Reid looked at me from the other side of the room, and I could feel his smile reflecting how proud he was of me.

- "Graphology is an effective and reliable indicator of personality and behavior."

- "But my writing is always different,"- she added, and I nodded. I was waiting for that comment.

- "Yes, because it represents your emotions at the moment, just like your facial expressions parallel the way you are feeling while you are speaking."

- "What else can we know about our unsub from this?"- Gideon asked me.

- "Well, our killer uses simple statements, all first person, like "I won't be ignored," which means he's obviously tired of feeling this way. He may have a job in solitude or one that he feels strips of his identity. His work might require him to wear a uniform, something that shows absolutely no individuality, or he may be overqualified for his menial job and feels that he doesn't get the respect that he necessarily deserves."

I made a pause and waited for his words. I was giving my best, and I swear I was still hoping I could ever get Jason Gideon's blessing.

- "I think we are ready to give a profile,"- he said and nodded.

And damn, that felt good.

When we were back in Quantico, Hotch had a long and clearly awkward conversation with the section chief, Erin Strauss. She was scary. She was clearly trying to get rid of Hotch, questioning his work daily, decisions, and how he managed the team. Why? I have no idea.

It felt she forced him to accept Prentiss into the team. We were one man down after Elle left. Ok, one awesome woman down, so we definitely needed some help. And Emily was a great addition from day one.

We clicked right away. Prentiss was funny, smart, but most of all, she constantly had to prove she deserved to be there. Just like me. Gideon gave her the cold shoulder from day one, and that I could relate. The only difference was that she won him over in a few days, though. I was still trying to win that battle.

Garcia decided we needed a girl's night, and she hosted the first of many "BAU Girl Power get together." Basically, it was us at Penelope's place drinking and talking.

That first night, we updated Prentiss with everything that had happened with Elle. She wanted to know everything about us, what we did, how long we've been on the team, and how we all got along. It was sweet and fresh. After that year in the BAU, I had already learned to enjoy the sweet things in life. Like getting drunk with my work girlfriends.

- "So, does Hotch ever smile?"- Emily asked, and we all laughed at the very same time. Yes, it was getting late, and we weren't as sober as we should have been.

- "He does! he does!"- JJ assured us- "You should see him with his baby."

- "He is a dad?"- Emily was shocked. I was surprised too when I found out Aaron was married and with a baby. The amount of time he spends at work always made me feel he had zero personal life.

- "And has a beautiful wife"- JJ added- "He is always laughing when he is with her and baby Jack."

- "I guess this job can drain the happiness from your day... "- I thought out loud, but before anyone could say anything about my dark and bitter comment, my cell phone rang.

- "Hey honey bunny, everything ok?"- I stood up and walked to the kitchen. I didn't want to interrupt the girl's conversations.

- "Yes, I just wanted to make sure you were drinking enough water between drinks"- I laughed and shook my head. Only Reid could call to say such a thing. He was the sweetest friend on earth.

- "Yes, I am, don't worry. I'm not going to be hungover or drunk tomorrow. I know you are excited about the new exposition."

- "You are gonna love it!"

- "I am sure I will"- and I wasn't kidding. I loved when he dragged me to the Smithsonian or any museum for some nerdy fun.

- "Have fun with the girls."

- "What are you doing, by the way?"

- "Just reading a little, you left your complete Sherlock Holmes collection here, so I'll be solving mysteries while you get drunk."

- "Don't have too much fun without me"- he chuckled and ended the call. I smiled and walked back to the girls looking at me with a funny grin on their faces.

- "Was that your boyfriend?"- Penelope asked me, and I frowned right away.

- "No, it was Reid. He just wanted to confirm we are going to the museum tomorrow."

- "Wait"- Prentiss narrowed her brows and looked at us confused- "Reid ain't your boyfriend?"

JJ and Garcia's laughter was epical, as well as my frown. They nearly gasped for air while Prentiss and I waited until they calmed down.

- "No"- I finally answered- "Reid is not my boyfriend."

- "He is more than that; he is her work husband,"- Penelope clarified, and I turned to her with my mouth wide open, shocked.

- "What the fuck? Reid ain't my work husband. He is my best friend!!"

- "Yes, and you happen to call your best friend "honey bunny," right?"- JJ questioned, just like she had a few months before when we were alone in our room away on a case.

- "Reid is my best friend, and yes, I call all my close friends by weird pet names. You will get one too if you are lucky."

- "But I thought"- Emily continued- "I mean, he looks at you like you are his sun."

- "No, Prentiss, the only coupe in this team is the one between "chocolate thunder" and "baby girl" right here"- I pointed at Garcia, and she just blushed and covered her face.

- "My love for Derek will burn forever with the intensity of a thousand suns. I mean, have you seen that man? he was made by the gods and sent to earth just to give my existence some sense"- we all laughed at those cheesy words, though Pen was serious about them.

- "But, have you ever...?- JJ looked at her and made a pause. We were all looking at every single facial movement or behavior she might show to read her body language."

- "My relationship with my loverman could never be tainted by something as mundane as sex."

- "Like you wouldn't lick honey from that six-pack and ride that thunder."

The words just left my lips, and I blame the buzz. BAU (Y/N) would have never said that. Drunk (Y/N) would, totally.

The girls laughed until tears fell from their eyes, and I just chuckled, honestly happy to make them laugh. I had been more of the real me than I had ever actually been around them in nearly a year.

- "Hello?"- my phone rang again when I was walking out of the bathroom. And this time, it was Paul.

- "Hey babe, what are you doing?"

- "Hey, I'm..."- I looked at the girls in front of me and sighed- "I'm stuck with paperwork"- and they turned to me immediately. I could read the "What the fuck" on their faces.

- "Well, I'm at Rob's in case you feel like dropping by. We are writing a few songs."

- "I'll text you if I finish with this early, but... have fun."

- "Ok, bye"- I hung up and sighed.

- "And that was..."- Prentiss asked, frowning.

- "My boyfriend,"- I explained and grabbed another beer

- "Sure, I could feel the passion,"- Garcia joked, but I just didn't think it was funny.

I knew my relationship with Paul wasn't alright. Actually, things with Paul weren't. Period. We were done, it was apparent, but still, neither of us had said it. That relationship was just a few phone calls every once in a while, only to make small talks. When we were together, we would just watch a movie, eat something, drink a few beers, and that was it. It had been a long time since we had sex or even made out. I don't know why I didn't end it sooner. I guess I was just afraid to do it.

But I let more months pass before I actually did something.

Spencer's point of view

I'm not proud of what happened that year after Prentiss joined the team. I think that year changed me profoundly, and a part of me never fully recovered afterward.

Maybe it had to be that way, and it was something I had to go through to grow up. I guess I'm still trying to make some sense of all the misery I put my friends through. Mostly (Y/N). She was in hell with me.

A few weeks after New Year, we started working on a case. Someone was killing wealthy people in their own homes. At first, we thought there were two unsubs, 'cos one of them called 911 after killing, and you could hear them struggling and arguing. But no, it was just one.

Tobias Hankel was a delusional serial killer. He had split personalities, not two but actually three. His father, the one who tortured me. The archangel Raphael, who was trying to make God's will, killing people. And himself, who wanted to save me, but instead, he nearly destroyed me.

What do I remember about the day he kidnapped me? I remember I was stupid enough to try to catch an unsub alone, just to prove I could take care of myself on the field. Hotch sent me and JJ to talk to Hankel at his house, 'cos apparently, he might have seen the unsub months earlier. But no, he was the unsub, and neither JJ nor me could stop him.

We hid in a barn, and I was so eager to prove I could catch him; I told JJ we had to split up to cover the place. I was counting on Hotch to get there with the team sooner than they did, and before I realized it, I was in the middle of a cornfield, and Hankel was pointing at me with my own gun.

I was sure I was going to die right there. All of Hankel's personalities were struggling inside of him. I couldn't stop thinking about why I thought I could do it on my own? Why had I been a reckless asshole? Was it because I wanted to prove I was an excellent SAA? Because I wanted to impress JJ? Maybe I tried to convince myself I could do the same job my team did. I knew I wasn't the most physical person, but I had a gun. I had been trained to capture killers.

Yes, I was an asshole that day, and I've regretted everything that happened that night many, many times in the following years.

When I woke up, I was tied to a chair, and the archangel Raphael had taken Hankel's mind completely. The room was dark, and it smelled awful. He was burning fish hearts and livers, 'cos he believed it kept the devil away.

I was confused and lost. My head was spinning, and my heart was about to burst into my chest. I knew I could die any second now. Raphael wasn't the one to show mercy. That's what I had learned from all the videos Hankel had uploaded to the web. He had shared with the world every murder they had committed to show the other sinners what was going to happen to them.

- "They believe you can see inside men's minds"- Raphael looked at me with dark eyes, implying he meant Tobias and his father

- "It's not true. I study human behavior."- my voice was shaking. I knew I had never been more scared in my entire life. He took out a gun and showed me one bullet.

- "Do you know what this is? It's God's will."

Things didn't look good for me. He put it in the cylinder of the revolver and spun it. He was going to let my life to luck.

- "You don't have to do this"- I tried to talk him out of it, though I knew it wasn't going to work.

- "No go, sinners, to your God."

And he pressed the trigger.

What went through my mind the seconds that passed between having the gun pointed to my face and realizing I had lived? My mom. All I could think of was how my mom would react to the news of my death. I could never bear to hurt her like that. I couldn't die. I couldn't leave her alone.

I sighed, relieved, and bit my lips not to cry. Raphael looked at me with a blank expression and walked out of the room. I had survived for now.

I struggled with my handcuff, but it was useless. My head was killing me. I could feel the open wound on my head, still dripping blood on my temple and head. I tried to focus on the pain for a few minutes, just to make sure I was awake. It was a nightmare, and keeping myself sane and conscious under those circumstances was nearly impossible.

How was I going to get out of there alive? Did the team know where I was? I had no idea where I had been taken. I had been unconscious the whole way. It was dark, and I couldn't see much around me. I wasn't afraid of that darkness. I was more fearful of the man that left me alone, 'cos he was armed and mentally unstable. Darkness had nothing on him.

I had to focus on the things that kept me sane. The things that made me want to get out of that room alive.

- "My name is Spencer Walter Reid. I'm twenty-five years old, my mother's name is Diana Reid, I was born in Las Vegas, October 28th, 1981."

I closed my eyes and tried to think of all the things that made me happy.

- "I work at the BAU, my best friend's name is (Y/N), and she sits at the desk in front of me. Derek Morgan is the closest I've got to an older brother."

He was. He still is. You have to be close to dead to start seeing things clearly sometimes. Derek was my brother. He treated me like a kid, but a kid brother. He was always teasing me, trying to teach me how to pick up girls, trying to drag me to the gym with him. Derek was a good friend, we were very different, and I knew if we had been classmates in high school, we would probably never have talked. He was a jock, and I was a nerd. But life had brought us together. And now I couldn't think of a better friend than him.

I tried to focus on my happiest memories. My birthday came to mind. The guys had planned a Halloween-themed birthday party at the conference room of the BAU. Of course, Garcia baked a cake and (Y/N) helped her decorate it. It was incredible, 'cos it was covered with tiny gourds and skulls.

- "Frank and Mikey sent you these,"- she announced after everybody had given me their presents. I wide opened my eyes in shock 'cos I had no idea her friends knew it was my birthday or even cared about it.

- "Why?"- I had to ask.

- "'Cos they think you are amazing. They actually wanted to come over to your house and have a few beers tonight."- I opened my mouth to say something, but Derek interrupted me.

- "Pretty boy is gonna get to work hungover again."

- "Shut up"- (Y/N) and I said at the same time, making everybody chuckle. I opened the present her friends had sent me and laughed right away.

- "Lucky Doc"- I read and took out of the bag a Sports Illustrated issue with Lila Archer on the cover. My cheeks turned red immediately.

- "Frank still hasn't overcome that story. I think he will hate you forever"- (Y/N) laughed (along with the rest of the team) and gave me another present.

- "They also sent you this. They said you were going to like the man in black"- it was a Johnny Cash's vinyl- "Frank picked it. He thinks he is some sort of musical psychic that can read people's taste in music."

- "We should get together and have a few beers one of these days. I need to thank them for these."

Gideon looked at me in silence as soon as I said those words. But I didn't care if he disapproved. I was going to be (Y/N)'s friend, whether he liked it or not.

He is the closest I've had to a dad in the latest years. He cares about me, and he tries to make the best of me that he can. Yes, he can be too apprehensive. I think that's a way to put it. But only because he wants me to be the best profiler I can be.

I never thought I would end up working at the BAU. I never thought I would love the job I do as much as I do. Back when I was in college, I thought I would dedicate my life to finding a cure for schizophrenia, but I ended up hunting serial killers across the country.

And though I was about to die, I didn't regret any of the decisions that led me there.

The morning found me shaking, cold, and scared. I was in a small cabin in the woods. Just like the worst and more cliché horror movie ever made. This was my own horror movie.

- "What are you staring at, boy?"- Tobias opened the front door carrying logs for the fire. His voice had changed yet again, so I knew it wasn't the same person I had talked to the night before.

- "You are not Raphael."- I whispered, looking at every movement he did.

- "Do I look like Raphael?"- had I insulted him? I couldn't tell. He turned to the fire, and I took a deep breath, doing my best to stay calm.

- "Thank you for burning those, for keeping us safe."- I said, looking at the fish hearts and livers he was preparing to put on the fire.

- "Don't try to trick me."

- "I would never try to trick you."

- "You are a liar."

- I'm not a liar."- it was hard to stay calm and not start screaming for help or mercy, but I knew that was going to take me nowhere with him.

- "Lying is a sin."

- "I'm not a liar."- he walked closer to me, and sat right in front of me, held my leg up, and grabbed my foot.

- "This will be over quickly if you just confess your sins."

- "I am not a sinner"- I whispered again. He took off my shoe.

- "We are all sinners."- it didn't look good for me, not at all, and I knew I had to talk to him with his words with his beliefs to save my life.

- "The Lord spake unto Moses saying "Speak unto all the congregation of the children of the lord" and say unto them, ye shall be holy, for I, the Lord your God, am holy."

Hankel, this time in the personality of his father, looked at me surprised. I might have done something right, 'cos he stopped moving, and for a second, I thought it was going to be ok.

- "You know Leviticus."

- "I know every word of the bible. I can recite it for you."- but his eyes turned dark again.

- "The devil knows how to read too."

- "I'm not a devil, I'm not a devil2- I repeated, and couldn't stop shaking, 'cos my life on the hands of a sociopath.

- "I'm a man, my name is Spencer Reid, and I have a mother, and I have a father just like you, and they taught me the bible, let me recite the bible."

My voice cracked at the knowledge of what he was going to do. He stood up, still holding my foot. He was going to torture me, he was going to try to break me, and I had to be strong. I didn't know how I would find the strength, but I had to be strong.

- "Time to confess, Spencer Reid"- and without further notice, he slapped a log against my foot, making me scream in pain. It hurt from the tip of my toes until the back of my skull. I hadn't felt that kind of pain, and it was worse knowing he was just getting started. Tears started falling down my cheeks in no time.

- "Confess!"

- "I don't have anything to confess."- I whimpered and closed my eyes, 'cos I knew he was going to continue his torture. And so he did. The pain was excruciating. I was sure I was going to pass out

I tried to go to a happy place in my head, somewhere when I could hide from all that pain. It was too hard, though. It hurt too much. I kept repeating over and over again I wasn't a sinner, begging Hankel for mercy, as he shouted I had to confess.

I made an effort to think about what he might want me to say. What did he want me to confess? Which sins was he talking about? But nothing came to my mind, nothing but the pain and the fear of dying.

(Y/N)'s point of view

The second we reached Hankel's cabin, I started looking for Spencer. I had a horrible feeling about it. Morgan and I headed it to a barn with Prentiss. There was no sign of anyone. It was dark and quiet. Never a good sign.

- "Shit!"- I whispered, staring at three dead dogs and a bath of blood in front of me. There laid the body of another victim that was missing from Hankel's last attack.

- "FBI!!"- JJ shouted suddenly. She was pointing his gun to us, clearly in shock- "Don't move!!"

- "JJ, it's Morgan, (Y/L/N), and Prentiss! Don't shoot"- Derek tried to calm her down, walking towards her- "Are you hurt?"- she lowered the gun and stared at us. You could read the fear and the trauma in her eyes.

- "Tobias Hankel is the unsub,"- she whispered as Prentiss rubbed her arm sweetly, trying to comfort her.

- "Yeah, we know"- I moved towards her too and put my gun back into the holster.

- "And we thought he was just a witness"- we looked around, and JJ pointed at the dead dogs.

- "JJ, where is Reid?"- Derek asked her, but she just continued talking.

- "They completely tore her apart"

- "JJ, look at me,"- I said and held her arm carefully- "Look at me, where's Reid?"- she was shaking, and her voice was cracking. I knew she was making her best effort to pull herself together.

- "We split up. He said he was going to go in the back."

And there it was. That was the reason why I had a bad feeling all along. Derek looked at me and nodded as we read each other's minds. The two of us turned around and ran outside, leaving JJ with Prentiss, waiting for the medical team and ambulance to check on her wounds.

Gideon and Hotch were inside the cabin, looking for Hankel, but there was no one there. And there was no sign of Reid behind the barn either, in the cornfield, or anywhere in the perimeter. Reid was nowhere to be found, and I started losing it little by little. I tried to repeat myself the words Hotch had said many times during my year in the BAU: "when you are out there with the team; your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case." But the case had never included my best friend missing before.

- "Hey, is there any sign of him yet?- I asked the police chief as I reached the ambulance. He was there talking with JJ, making sure she was ok.

- "We got every one of our units on the road. He won't make it far"- I nodded and watched him walk away. I knew he thought I was talking about Hankel, but I actually meant Reid.

I turned to JJ and moved a little closer to her. Her eyes open wide, staring back at me.

- "You can't find Reid?"- I just shook my head and tried to sound as casual as I could, not to freak her out. She was still in shock. I didn't want to make it worse.

- "Not yet"

- "(Y/N)"- Derek held my arm and forced me to walk away from the ambulance.- "Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged."

My heart stopped. Did the psychopath hurt Spencer? Did he kill him? Did he torture him? Was he hurt? Was he alive? Where was he? Derek looked at me, and I nodded. I bit my lips and took a deep breath. Hotch's words were my mantra now: "your mind has to be one hundred percent on the case."

- "Are you sure?"- we turned to the police's chief, overhearing his conversation- "We are on our way now."

- "What's going on?"

- "The sheriff down two towns over, he just gave directions to a man who fit Hankel's descriptions. It's to a motor lodge in fort bend."

- "Let's get Hotch and Gideon"- Derek held my arm and walked with me to the cabin. We had to find Reid, and we had to do it fast.

That was the worst night of my life. The first worst night of my life, to be sincere. I didn't close an eye. I went through every paper, every note, every detail in that cabin, trying to find a clue that could lead us to where Tobias had taken Reid.

I felt someone had ripped my heart from my chest. I had to think straight, and to do it, I had to keep a cold head. But as the hours passed, it became a more demanding and more challenging task to complete. I knew the whole team was suffering, but that didn't ease my pain. And I knew JJ felt guilty, but that didn't stop me from blaming her in my mind. She left him alone. I would have never left Spencer alone on the field.

- "(Y/N), you should try to get some rest."

Derek whispered as he sat on the floor next to me, where I had been sitting for the last half hour, reading Tobias's old diaries. Nothing but fear of his father, mentions of Dilaudid use, and bible transcriptions.

- "I'm ok,"- I answered and didn't even take my eyes from the pages.

- "(Y/N), I mean it"

- "I'm not going to rest if he is out there in the hands of a psychopath, Derek"- I had to bite my lips and shut the fuck up, 'cos if I said one more word, I knew I was going to burst into tears.

Morgan just wrapped an arm around my shoulders and moved me closer to him. That was the first time I let him hug me, and it felt good to know I wasn't alone in my desperation. I knew he loved Reid like a brother, and neither of us was going to stop until we found him.

- "Welcome to our nightmare"- JJ's voice broke the silence we had been into for the last hour when Hotch walked into the cabin with Penelope.

It was morning already. There were still no signs of Reid. Prentiss, Gideon, JJ, and I had been sitting at the table, reading everything we could.

- "His computer is an extension of his brain. I need you to dissect it,"- Gideon whispered to García. You could feel the concern in his voice. She just nodded in shock and turned to Derek, who held her hand and helped her get set up in the computer room.

- "So, nothing new since I left?"- Hotch asked and looked at us. I just shook my head and continued reading.

- "Well, the good thing is the guy documented practically every second of his life"- Prentiss words took me from the pages I was reading. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow. The concept of "good" was poorly used in that phrase.

- "The bad news is, we are still un-piling,"- she added and sighed.

- "From the looks of it, he hasn't left this place in years,"- JJ managed to say. She made her best effort to be useful, but she was in worse shape than everybody else. Yet, that didn't make me feel bad for her. I was mad at her and kept making my best to put it aside, 'cos my head had to be in the case.

- "He knew he could pretend to be looking for a motel and throw us off his trail,"- Emily inferred, but I shook my head as soon as I heard her.

- "No, no, no, it's more than that!"- I shook my head and took a deep breath- "Sheriff's office, 911 calls, every time he engages the police and gets away with it... he reassures himself, God's on his side. Not ours."- I added.

Gideon nodded, and we shared a moment of agreement. He was as worried as I was. I could feel it. I'm not saying the rest of the team wasn't, I'm saying Jason was as fucked up as I was, and I could sense he was having the same trouble I had making sure my head and not my sentiments were into the case.

But if anything happened to Reid, I didn't know what I was capable of doing.

At a certain point, I got sick of reading and not doing anything and decided to look around the house again if we had missed anything. Derek went along. One part of me felt he wanted to stay away from JJ too. Maybe he was as mad as I was about her leaving Reid alone. I know I couldn't blame her, but I did it anyway.

- "Guys!! I think I've got something!"- Derek yelled, and I ran over. He opened a door that led to a basement. I walked right behind him, pointing my gun and my flashlight all over. But there was no sign of Reid.

- "Tobias Hankel!!"- Morgan shouted. Someone was sitting in what looked to be a gigantic freezer- "Tobias!"- but we didn't get any response. I took a step closer and examined carefully.

- "Morgan, I think we just found Hankel's father."

Spencer's point of view

On my second night in that cabin, I met Tobias. The third personality of Hankel walked into the room, carrying what seemed to be a dead deer. He looked as frightened as I was.

- "You need to eat."

- "What's your name?"

- "Tobias."

- "Tobias, who was here before?"

- "Probably my father."

He looked at me up and down, and he immediately understood what he had done to me. It was scary how he could dissociate. Someone with multiple personality disorder is usually unaware of the other personality states and memories when an alter is dominant. In this case, Tobias knew the other personalities but considered them different persons. He didn't think they were all in his head.

- "I'm sorry if he hurt you."

He looked at me like he understood everything I had been going through. Maybe he had been through something similar when his father was alive. Perhaps he had been a victim of Hankel as well, and that's what triggered his psychopathic nature.

He walked over and took out his belt.

- "What are you doing?"- he wrapped it around my arm, and I started begging him to stop.

- "It helps"- he took out of his pocket a needle and a small bottle of what seemed to be some kind of drug.

- "Don't tell my father. He doesn't know they are here."

- "Please, I don't want it, I don't want it, please"- I cried and begged.

- "It helps. I know"- it was the last thing Tobias said before the needle found my vein.

And he was right. It helped. Every single amount of pain I was feeling disappeared. My brain shut down. Somehow, everything was ok. I never had in my entire life felt so good before.

My mind kept flashing memories of when I was a kid. I kept seeing images of the day my father left and how he called my mother crazy.

- "You are weak"- mom spit those words after he refused to take me with him. I know she said it not because she didn't want me with her, but because mom knew she was sick and wanted the best for me. And he refused.

- "I'm not weak."- I whispered as I looked at her smiling back at me.

- "I know, honey."

I don't know how long I was drugged, but when I woke up, Tobias wasn't there with me anymore. It was his father.

And the torture continued.

(Y/N)'s point of view

Gideon was trying to convince me to go out with Prentiss and JJ to see a Narcotics anonymous's contact that might give us more information about Tobias. Emily had found some flyers about it in his room, and it could be the only lead we had to find him and Reid.

- "You need to get out of this house for a while"- he whispered and tapped on my back.

I knew he wasn't the one to be loving or physical with people, less with me. But that moved me. I turned to him and my eyes watered up. I was scared, and I couldn't hide it anymore. The more hours passed, the fewer the chances were to find Spencer safe. Alive.

I felt his arms around me suddenly, holding me tight, trying to keep the pieces of me together. We were alone on the porch, and though I didn't want to fall apart, I couldn't hold it anymore.

Jason didn't say a word. He just hugged me and let me cry for a few minutes. I didn't say anything either. I actually couldn't because I was overwhelmed with everything.

- "Are you ready, (Y/N)?"

Prentiss whispered as she walked over with JJ. I turned my back at them for a second to hide the tears that kept falling down my cheeks. I knew it was a shitty thing to do, 'cos it was obvious I had been sobbing, but they gave me the courtesy of not saying anything.

- "You go, I need (Y/N)'s assistance with some diary entries"- the two of them walked away quietly, and thankfully, didn't argue with Gideon.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and felt his hand on my shoulder one more time.

- "You are doing a fantastic job,"- he said and turned around.

I wish I could tell you that made me feel better, but instead, I just thought I had the duty to bring my friend back home safe.

It had been at least an hour since the girls left. Morgan, Hotch, Gideon, and the police chief were in the living room with me, reading. I sipped my hundredth cup of coffee and re-read the same diary entry for the third time.

- "There's something weird going on here."- I thought out loud and walked towards Gideon

- "You think?"- the police chief turned to me and raised an eyebrow, ironically.

- "No, seriously, check this out. This journal is filled with religious ramblings. He notated hour by hour: "November 15th, 3:17, if ye offer a sacrifice of peace offering unto the Lord, ye shall offer it at your own will", and it goes on and on: 5:04, 7:41, 10:22, 1:42."

I made a short pause and looked at Gideon and Hotch. They didn't get where I was going.

- "But then, it goes blank for days."

- "Maybe he got sick of writing"- I seriously hated that police chief.

- "I think I got it"- Hotch whispered- "Journal entry: "December 6th. Father is sick. He wants me to put him down. I say thou shalt not kill. He said, honor thy father. Must pray for guidance."

- "So he kills his father as an act of mercy?"- Gideon asked, knowing the answer.

- "This is two months ago. Tobias Hankel's father had been dead for four months already."

- "That's exactly it"- I murmured, thinking Tobias Hankel was way more fucked up than we thought.

- "Look at the floor"- Derek pointed at a chair and moved it- "These scuffs marks are fresh. It's like two people were pushing the chairs constantly, trying to fight for control."

- "So?"- I swear to God, that chief was driving me insane.

- "This journal matches Charles Hankel's handwriting, but it was written after he died"- I explained. Still, it felt he wasn't following me.

- "What do you mean?"

- "Upstairs, Tobias' bedroom got junk piled from floor to ceiling, but the other bedroom could pass a military inspection."

- "So, are you telling me one of Tobias' personalities was his father?"

Apparently, I had to draw a picture so the chief would get it. Fortunately, Gideon continued explaining the whole problem before I lost what was left of my patience.

- "Well, Tobias was raised with a strict religious code, black and white, right and wrong. When his father asked Tobias to kill him, something had to give."

- "His brain couldn't handle the moral contradiction, so he split into two personalities to keep his father alive."

Hotch tried to put it most easy and simple words possible.

- "So, who is Raphael?"

- "My guess, he is a mediator between the two"- Gideon nodded at my words and sighed.

- "Angels have no human emotions, live or die. They don't care, as long it's God's will."

- "We need to start profiling Tobias' father. He may be the one who chose where to take Reid."

Finally, I felt we were going somewhere.

When Emily and JJ came back, they gave us the news. Tobias was addicted to Dilaudid, which explained the fracture in his mind, and how he lived with three distinct personalities.

The police chief announced a computer store robbery, giving us some hopes that Tobias would use them to track him down.

- "Guys!! Guys!! get in here!!- I heard Derek shouting and I ran to the computer room. I felt sick in the stomach in less than a second. There he was, Spencer. My Spencer Walter Reid, tied to a chair, bleeding, shoeless. Clearly tortured.

- "He's been beating,"- I whispered, feeling my eyes water up. I would have given anything to be there instead of him.

- "Can you track him?!"- JJ yelled by my side, and I nearly smacked her. That's how sensitive I was feeling.

- "Hankel's only streaming this to his home computer."- Garcia whispered. And my heart dropped with those words.

That wasn't what I was supposed to hear. We were supposed to find him and bring him back safe.

- "This is for us"- Gideon didn't take his eyes from the screen- "He knows we are here."

- "I'm gonna put this guy's head on a stick"- Morgan was so mad I believed him. I wanted to do the same, if worse.

- "I'm gonna kill him myself as soon as we find him,"- I said and felt Aaron's hand on my shoulder as he asked Garcia

- "Why can't you locate him?"

- "He's rerouting to a different IP address every 30 seconds. I can't track him."

It knew it had to be hard if Penelope couldn't find her, but that didn't help. If anything, it made everything worse. I felt powerless. Hankel couldn't be more intelligent than us.

Spencer's point of view

- "Are you ready, boy?"- Hankel pulled my hair and forced me to look at him. I was still as high as fuck, but knew I was about to be tortured again.

- "Ready for what?"

- "My weakling son thinks God gave you to him for a reason"- if the reason was to get me into drugs, then the answer was yes.

Hankel placed a video camera in front of me.

- "Can you really see inside men's minds?"- he asked me and made a pause, pointing to three screens- See these vermin?

It took me a second to realize he was showing me images of real people. He had put cameras in those people's houses. How? When? What kind of sick game did he want me to play with him?

- "Choose one to die. I let you choose one to live."

- "No"- I didn't even think about my answer.

- "I thought you wanted to be some kind of savior."

- "You are a sadist and a psychotic break. You won't stop killing. Your word is not true."

I don't know if it was because of the drugs or because I hadn't eaten or drank any water in too long, but I was somehow resigned and tired of fighting.

- "The other heathens are watching- Hankel announced and pointed at the camera in front of me."

My eyes fixated on the camera right away. My team was watching me. (Y/N) was watching me. I didn't want to make her worry even more. I needed her to know I was ok. I know I wasn't, but I didn't want her to worry about me.

- "Choose a sinner to die, and I'll say the name and address of the person to be saved"- Hankel was sick. It was all a game, and religion was just an excuse to kill.

- "I won't get to choose who gets slaughtered and have you leave their remains behind like a poacher."

Hankel didn't like my answer, 'cos he grabbed me and pulled me up, looking into my eyes, insulted, annoyed, losing his temper.

- "Can you really see into my mind, boy?"

He was honestly scary, and it petrified me to think he could execute me right there, in front of the team, and I could never tell them how much they mean.

- "Can you see I'm not a liar?!"- he insisted. I nearly whimpered but made my best not to break- "Choose one to die and save a life. Otherwise, they are all dead."

He dropped me on the chair and turned around. It was clear he wasn't joking. I took a deep breath and nodded.

- "Alright, I'll choose who lives."

- "They are all the same"

My eyes traveled across all the monitors. It was nearly impossible to pick one person to live, knowing all the other people there would die. Hankel was sick, and I had to set a plan to escape because otherwise, I would end up dead.

- "Far right screen,"- I whispered. He turned around and nodded.

Then, he recited the name and address of the woman on the screen. I prayed for the team to find her before Hankel came after her too.

No. It wasn't Hankel this time.

- "Raphael,"- I whispered, and he nodded. I looked at the screen again. The woman we were watching picked up the phone. She was in her kitchen. He walked around, frowned, and turned to her computer. In a second, she had turned it off. My team had reached her. She was safe, I hoped.

Hankel turned the camera off and looked at me.

- "You've done your part. Now it's my turn."

I knew what that meant. It wasn't good.

He left the cabin, and all I could see were the monitors in front of me. Those people were going to die. They were going to die because I didn't pick them. I killed them. You don't need to pull a trigger to kill someone. I could never forget those words. And this time, they meant more than anytime before. I didn't press a trigger, but I had killed two innocent people. And I actually had to watch them die.

When I saw Rapahel walk into the victims' house, I tried to close my eyes and think of anything else. A part of me kept thinking he wasn't going to kill them. He just wanted to threaten me.

But not. Raphael slaughtered them.

I found myself craving whatever it was that Tobias had given me the night before. The drug in my veins had given me a kind of peace I had never felt. And I never thought I'd have either. The type of peace that can be addictive, 'cos it turns your head off. And God knows, sometimes I needed to turn my head off.

Remembering everything that has ever happened to me, especially all the awful things, wasn't a gift. It was a burden. And whatever it was that Tobias had put in my veins, it had taken that burden from my shoulders, at least for a couple of hours.

Who wouldn't want some more of that peace?

- "Reid!"- Gideon's voice took me from my thoughts. He was sitting right in front of the camera in the victim's house. He was there with Hotch and the police, investigating the crime scene.

- "If you are watching this, you are not responsible for this. You understand me? he is perverting God to justify murder. You are stronger than him. He can not break you."

I know he meant it. But I couldn't believe any of that, not after watching a family get slaughter just because I didn't pick them.

(Y/N)'s point of view

- "I thought you were going to try and get some rest,"- I said as JJ walked to me in silence. I made myself my hundredth cup of coffee, and she just showed up next to me, trying to engage in conversation, I guess.

- "Everybody else is working. I should be too."

- "We can handle it,"- I whispered and refused to look at her. I swear I was trying not to hate her, but it was getting harder and harder with every hour that passed without finding Reid.

- "It's funny, I keep thinking the one thing we need to crack this case is... well... Reid"- she chuckled, nervously and I just looked at her and nodded. I didn't even smile. I didn't move a muscle.

I didn't want to be with her, or anyone, as a matter of fact. And I wasn't going to hide it anymore. So I tried to walk away.

- "You think Reid and I should have stayed together at the barn, don't you?"

I stopped walking and looked at her. You could tell she was having a hard time facing the whole situation, and most of all, you could tell she felt guilty.

That really didn't stop me from being mad at her. I was trying to be the better woman during the investigation, but the uncertainty was getting on my nerves.

- "JJ, go get some rest,"- I tried to answer calmly, but I knew I was looking at her like she was dead to me.

- "I can tell that's what you are thinking, so..."

- "I just wanna get Spencer home safe."

- "But... if I had his back like I was supposed to do, he'd be here now"- and that was enough.

- "JJ, what the fuck do you want from me?"

- "I just...."- she was about to cry, you could tell- "I want someone to tell me the truth."

- "You want the truth? Ok, there you go: I would have never left him alone. None of this would have happened if I had been the one with him out there! 'cos I would never let anyone or anything hurt him!!"

I shouted. All the anger I had been feeling those days was finally getting off my chest. And fuck, it felt good.

- "You fucked it up, JJ, and if something happens to Spencer, I am never going to forgive you, never!"

JJ bit her lips, trying her best not to cry. But I still couldn't feel sorry for her.

- "Is that the truth you were looking for?"

- "(Y/L/N)?"- Hotch stood next to me with the most annoyed look in his eyes.

I knew I was out of line, but this wasn't about work anymore. This was personal. This was Reid we were talking about, and JJ had fucked it up. There was nothing to discuss.

- "What? You sent him with her, now she is here, and he isn't. What else is there to say?"

- "(Y/N)!"- Hotch followed me as I stormed out of the kitchen and out of the cabin- "(Y/N)! stop!"

- "What?!"- and I simply snapped- "Are you gonna suspend me for telling her the truth? Are you going to fire me for losing my shit while working a case!? Fine! I don't care! I don't give a fuck! All I care about right now is that my best friend is missing, and a fucking psychopath has him! That's all I can think of. That's all I've been thinking about for the last two days!"

I was yelling at Hotch. I was yelling at my unit chief. I was fucked. I knew he was going to fire me after that. But I couldn't help it. I was going insane. Tears kept falling from my eyes as I held my cup of coffee tight, holding onto it with my life.

- "(Y/N), we are all worried about Reid."

- "I know you are all worried. I am too, and I'm also afraid and mad and going fucking insane knowing I am standing here not knowing what to do to save him."

- "That doesn't give you the right to treat JJ like this is her fault"- I don't know if he was talking like my unit chief or like a father figure trying to end a fight between two of his kids.

- "Did she stay with Reid?"- I simply replied and looked at Hotch in the eyes- "Did she?"

- "She is not the only one who feels guilty, so do I. And I know I won't forgive myself if anything happens to Reid."

Hotch made a pause and tried to find a way to say what he wanted to say. The door opened, and Gideon walked to us. He knew what was going on, and he didn't say a thing. I was sure he had already heard everything. We weren't actually arguing quietly.

- "We are not getting any closer,"- Aaron finally said.

- "Reid is brilliant. He'll figure out how to survive"- Gideon's words were way more hopeful than my thoughts. In my mind, Reid was too scared to think of a way to escape.

- "You know, I always take advantage of Reid for his brain. But I never actually teach him how to deal with things emotionally."

Hotch whispered, and his words were filled with regret. I was filled with anger and anxiety, and I know the two of them felt the same. But they way better at handling their feelings.

- "Lead by example,"- Jason answered, probably trying to make him feel better.

- "What kind of example is that?"- I simply replied, and both of them stayed in silence.

I don't think my words helped Hotch, but I wasn't trying to do that either. I was just honest. And Hotch's emotional assistance was shit on the field. Even Gideon was better.

- "He'll make it,"- Jason reassured us and nodded- "Now stop arguing and go back to work."

Spencer's point of view

I was glad when Tobias came to me that night with a needle in his hand and put the drug into my vein. I needed some release after watching a family die 'cos I didn't save them.

- "I'm sorry I had to leave"- he excused himself, preparing the drug next to me.

- "You can leave again, and you can take me with you,"- I begged in a soft voice.

- "My father would be angry,"- he replied and didn't even look at me. This time, I didn't even argue when he wrapped the belt around my arm. I was even a little eager he'd do it faster.

- "Not if he can't find us."

- "He always finds me."

- "If you tell me where we are, my friends will come, and they'll save us."

He gave me a look, mixed with horror and resignation. It broke my heart to think for a moment of all the horrors that lead Tobias to be as sick as he was.

- "We can't be saved,"- he simply replied.

- "We can, we can, I promise. If you tell me where we are, I'll save us both."

- "Listen to me. It's not worth fighting."

Somehow, I understood why he said that. I was afraid and shaking but still did my best not to think of all the pain I was in, of the terror that haunted me day and night.

- "Tell me it doesn't make it better- he said and showed me the needle."

I couldn't say no, 'cos he was right. It did. The drugs made his horrible situation bearable. I could understand why someone decided to use something to avoid the pain. I had faced all and each one of the pain and horrors in my life sober. It was time life was a little bit sweeter, in a sick way.

I remembered being twelve. Mom had had one of her episodes the day before, she was in bed, and I woke her up. I walked into her room and opened the curtains. It was already five in the afternoon, and she still refused to get out of bed.

- "The doctor says you need to get out of bed,"- I argued when she repeated she was just resting.

- "I've been reading"

- "He says you need exercise"- she sighed and tried to make a joke.

- "That's because his idea of good literature is Our bodies, ourselves."

- "Well, he is your doctor."

- "He is a neanderthal"- I gave up and started walking out of the room. She just laid in bed and looked at me.

- "Where are you going?"

- "I'm going to see if Jeff wants to play"- Jeff was our next-door neighbor and my only friend growing up.

- "Come here. Let me read to you."

I know Garcia made fun of me when I said my mother used to read me Valentine's sonnets when I was a kid. Most people think I have a weird relationship with mom, but they don't understand what it was like growing up with her. They don't know what it was like for a twelve-year-old boy to finish high school, facing bullies. Handling the pressure of being a kid genius and the fact I had to take care of a schizophrenic mother.

How come I didn't start using drugs earlier?

I remember that afternoon I sat next to my mother, and she made me pick one of the many books she had with her on the bed. I choose Proust. I knew she loved it. I loved it as well.

"For a long time, I used to go to bed early. Sometimes, when I had put out my candle, my eyes would close so quickly that I had not even time to say, "I'm going to sleep."

I can still hear her voice, reading to me. Both of us avoided reality for a while, hiding in the books. I always do it regardless. I hide in the books to forget. I hide in knowledge to avoid acknowledging the real personal issues I have. I hide in my work saving people when no one ever saved me.

I work catching psychopaths when I know I might actually have a mental issue myself. I might end up just like mom, and it frightens me so much; there are many nights I can't even close an eye. If I get sick too, then no one will take care of her. I am the only one in her life. And she is the only one in mine.

She and (Y/N), but there is no way my best friend would ever take care of me if I got sick. Not because she wouldn't want to do it, but because I would never let her. I don't want to be a burden in her life. And she would hate me, I know. And I could never live in a world where (Y/N) hates me. Not then, not now.

(Y/N). She is the best thing that happened to me in the BAU. Yes, I had a family with my team, but she was different. She was my life. She was the reason why I smiled. She was the one person that made me feel I was important to someone. I knew the rest of my friend loved me, but I loved her.

That was it. I loved (Y/N). And I was scared I was never going to see her again.

(Y/N)'s point of view

I was standing next to Penelope. She kept trying to force me to eat. She knew I was living on coffee, but I just couldn't swallow anything. She held my hand as the two of us stared at the screens, hopefully waiting for Hankel to make contact again.

- "Any more signs of Reid?"- JJ walked over to us slowly and looked at me, afraid I might snap on her again. I just shook my head and sighed, doing my best to be nice to her.

- "He just posted the last murder online."

- "It had over 17 thousand hits in the first twenty minutes,"- Penelope added, and her voice was so full of revulsion. It was clear she couldn't handle the horror in the human mind.

- "I want to see it,"- JJ said, and I frowned, confused.

- "No, you don't,"- Garcia answered and looked at me- "Come on, munchkin, just eat one cookie, please."

- "Don't tell me what I want and don't want!"- JJ's tone shocked us both. She was severe and angry. She was rude at Penelope, and for a second, I almost snapped again.

- "If I can't watch this..."- JJ whispered and glued her eyes on the screen- "I have no business being in the field."

She looked at me when she was done talking, and for once during those awful days, I felt some kind of compassion for her. She had to be feeling like shit, no doubt, and no matter how mad I was at her, she was still my friend, and I didn't want her to suffer either.

- "JJ, it's not a competition,"- I tried to say in the softest voice possible.

- "I... I need to see it."

- "If you stop being affected by things, you lose parts of yourself, you know."

It was somehow ironic that I was the one saying those things. Me of all people in that team. Me, the one who was afraid the most of losing herself in work.

- "Show me"- she finally looked at Garcia, ignoring my words, and Penelope pleased her. She pushed play and simply said

- "I won't watch this with you."

García held my hand, walking me out of the room, leaving JJ alone in the room. She sighed and wiped the tears that started falling down her eyes.

- "I don't know how you do it either"- she whispered- "I don't know how you watch those things every day and don't go insane."

- "If it makes you feel better, I don't know how I do either, and it scared me to think my heart might be numbing with each case we solve. With every psychopath we catch."

- "We are gonna find him"- she assured me and held my hands tight- "We are bringing him home safe, I swear."

- "Let's go find Gideon,"- I said, nodding at her words- "He needs to know Tobias posted the last murder."

Jason was mad, beyond furious. He was losing it. Derek and Prentiss kept trying to crack Hankel and discover where he had taken Reid. Meanwhile, Garcia, Gideon, and I made our best to take the video of the murder from the web.

- "I have a list of everyone from the file-sharing chain. I could send out a mass warning that the video is actually a virus,"- Garcia said and started typing as fast as possible. I just stared at the screen, waiting for something, anything to happen.

But I wasn't waiting for what came next.

- "Confess your sins"- Hankel's voice made me jump, and the sight of Reid, still tied to that chair, bleeding, and being tortured, broke my heart again.

- "Confess!!"- that sick psychopath shouted and hit him.

- "I haven't done anything,"- Spencer sobbed, but it was useless. Hankel kept punching him, over and over again, even when my best friend begged for mercy.

I felt Jason hold my hand as I was holding Garcia's. The three of us felt powerless, useless, angry, and scared, all at the same time. I couldn't bear to watch Reid being tortured, but at the same time, I was so glad he was still alive.

That until Hankel beat him so hard, he pushed him back in the chair, and Reid started convulsing.

- "He is killing him,"- Penelope cried, and I closed my eyes, biting my lips. Spencer was choking, and that mother fucker just stood there, watching him die.

- "That's the devil vacating your body"- he spit those words as Reid simply passed out. I didn't know if he was dead. I didn't know if he was going to make it. Shit! I didn't know anything.

I let go of Jason and Penelope and stormed out of the room. I was unprofessional, and I knew it, but I knew I would quit if anything happened to Reid. I wasn't going to stay working at the BAU if Spencer died.

- "Are you ok?"- Derek grabbed my arm. I just broke into tears and held him tight. He wrapped his arms around me and let me cry.

- "He's dying! We can't find him!!"- I sobbed against his chest.

- "(Y/N)! (Y/N)!"- I heard Penelope yelling as we all rushed back to the computer room. Hankel was giving CPR to Reid, trying to bring him back to life.

- "Come on, come on, please,"- I begged as I watched him pushing his chest over and over again until Spencer woke up, gasping for air.

- "Thank God!"- Hotch sighed and rubbed his hands against his face. The whole team let out a breath of relief simultaneously, and I kept watching Reid. His opened eyes gave me hope.

- "Wait,"- Prentiss said suddenly- "When was the video of the last murder posted?"

- "Nine thirty"- Penelope answered

- "And when was the time of death?"

- "The 911 call came in at 9:04, and the murder must have been moments later."- Hotch added and didn't even turn to look at Prentiss. We were all still shocked looking at the screen.

- "That's just a 19 minutes difference,"- I said and turned to García- "How long would it take to post that file?"

- "Two or three minutes."

- "Let's call it two,"- I said, getting excited- "You figure a maximum of 60 miles an hour in a residential area. That means Hankel has to be within a 17-mile radius of the crime scene."

For a second, I felt I was rambling facts just like Reid would. It made me miss him even more.

- "García, can we see it on the map?"- Aaron whispered. He was clearly affected, and it also made me feel selfish, knowing I had made a tantrum with the whole team, forgetting they were suffering as well.

- "Call chief Farraday"- Jason commanded as soon as we saw the map of the area on the screen- "I want that area locked down like it's martial law."

JJ stood up and grabbed her phone but didn't make the call. García warned us something was going on with Reid and all of us stared at the screen in silence.

Spencer was on his back on the floor, still tied to a chair. It was clear he wasn't fully conscious of what was happening.

- "You came back to life,"- mother fucker Hankel said, spitting the words in anger.

- "Raphael,"- Reid whispered, recognizing one of his personalities.

- "There can be only one of two reasons."

- "I was given CPR,"- my friend whispered, but it was clear that wasn't one of the psycho's options.

- "There are no accidents. How many members of our team are watching us right now?"

- "Seven."

- "The seven angels who had the seven trumpets prepared themselves to sound. The first sounding followed hail, and they were thrown to the earth."

- "He thinks it's the revelations"- Hotch explained- "The seven archangels versus the seven angels of death."

I didn't know much about religion, but it didn't take a genius to figure out he didn't believe we were the good guys.

- "Tell me who you serve."

- "I serve you,"- Reid answered right away. His voice was a whisper. He had to be exhausted.

- "Then choose one to die"

- "What?!"

- "Your team members, choose one to die"- I knew what he was going to answer at that, and I didn't want to hear it.

- "Kill me,"- he replied immediately, and I closed my eyes, unable to watch what would happen next.

- "You said you weren't one of them."

- "I lied."

- "Your team has seven other members. Tell me who dies."

- "No"- Penelope gasped, and Prentiss cursed. I opened my eyes and nearly fainted. Hankel had a gun pointed against Reid's forehead.

The silence amongst the team was unbearable. Neither of us knew what to do. We were all panicking, praying, desperate.

- "Choose and prove you'll do God's will."

- "No."

Neither of us moved. Neither of us breathed until Hakel pulled the trigger, and no bullet came out. I nearly sigh, but it wasn't over.

- "Choose"- he repeated

- "I won't do it"- Hankel didn't even wait. He just pulled the trigger, and we all jumped at the same time. He was safe again.

- "Life is a choice."

- "No,"- Reid repeated once again. And Hankel pulled the trigger for the third time.

- "Choose"- and for the first time, Spencer made a pause. Was going to pick one of us to die?

- "I choose"- the whispered- "Aaron Hotchner."

Derek and I looked at him, and his pale face didn't move a muscle.

- "He's the classic narcissist. He thinks he's better than everyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 "Let him not deceive himself, and trust in emptiness, vanity falseness, and futility, for these shall be his recompense."

Hotch stormed out of the room as Hankel pulled the trigger one more time and shot the wall.

I felt I was going to puke. If Reid hadn't picked one of us, he would be dead.

- "For God's will,"- the mother fuck said, as he put another bullet in the gun after removing the casing.

I couldn't look anymore. I followed Gideon and Derek to find Aaron going through all Tobias's diaries on the table.

- "I'm not a narcissist,"- he said as soon as he saw us.

- "Come on. Look, you can't think anything from that"- Jason tried to calm him down, in case he was somehow affected by what Reid had just said on camera- "He is not in his right mind, Hotch."

- "No, stop, stop. Alright, everybody, right now: what's my worst quality?"

He had to be kidding. We all stared at him, muted, lost in that conversation. What was his point? Neither of us said a word. We just looked at each other, confused and awkward.

- "Ok, I'll start. I have no sense of humor."

- "You are a bully,"- JJ added.

- "You can be a drill sergeant sometimes,"- I said, and he nodded.

- "Right."

- "You don't trust women as much as men"- you could feel it in Prentiss's voice. That one was personal.

- "Ok, good. I'm all these things, but none of you said that I ever put myself above the team because I don't, ever. Reid and I argued about the definition of classic narcissism, and he knew that I would remember that. He also quoted Genesis chapter 23, verse 4. Read it."

Hotch gave me the book. He wasn't even breathing as she spoke. He was in a hurry. We were all.

- "I'm a stranger and a sojourner with you. Give me property, forbear a place among you that I may bury my dead of my sight."

- "He wouldn't get it wrong unless it were on purpose."

- "He is in a cemetery."- I said and looked at him. He nodded, and I swear to God, I saw a slight smile on his lips. That smile was hope. We were getting closer.

Spencer's point of view

I took a sip of water. I hadn't drunk in days, and my throat burned. I was still a little lost, still a little off.

- "Tobias, is that you?"- I saw him nod, sitting next to me. He moved the cup of water closer so that I could drink some more.

- "Thank you,"- I whispered and looked at him- You saved my life- he stared down at the ground and finally whispered

- "I'm sorry."

- "Why?"

- "He'll win in the end."

It was sad to see Tobias Hankel's good person locked inside a sick mind that also held a psychopath like his father.

- "Tobias, I need to know something. It's important. Are we in a cemetery?"- and he nodded. I smiled at him and sighed, relieved. Help was coming. My team was coming.

- "I used to come here to get high."

- "I was right."

- "No one bothers you here. I never told anyone about it."

He wrapped his belt around my arm, and I turned to him, still smiling. I didn't know if I were happy I was right or glad I would get high again. Maybe both. Maybe the second 'cos the minute that needle got to my vein, that sweet, sweet release felt like a bath of joy that washed away any pain, regret, or guilt I could have ever felt.

Guilt. I've had my share of that. I remember the day I had my mom admitted to the hospital. She hadn't eaten in days. She wouldn't take care of herself, and they're just so much I could do. I wasn't able to keep her safe from herself, from her mind.

- "What are these men doing here?"- she asked me as I walked with two nurses into the study. She was writing and reading. It was all she did, preparing lectures for classes she didn't have to give, in imaginary campuses.

I stood in front of her and hesitated for a second. It was the hardest thing I had ever done, telling mom I was taking her away from her own house.

- "They are from the hospital. They are here to help,"- I whispered and looked at my mother's confused expression. She was so thin. She looked so sick. I felt so guilty I couldn't do better for her.

- "I don't need help, and you can't be here without permission, tell them, Spencer."

She looked down at her books again and tried to continue writing. I took a deep breath, I knew I would break her heart, but there was nothing else I could do.

- "I called them"- she looked at me in pain. Deep, honest pain. Like I had just shattered her heart. Which I had done.

- "Spencer"- she simply whispered and stared into my eyes, begging for an explanation. I was trying my best not to cry. I had a whole speech prepared. I was going to tell her how much I loved her. I was going to explain to her how good it was for her to be in a place where someone could continuously take care of her. I had facts and statistics, but all I managed to say was:

- "I'm doing this for you."

And I felt like a liar. 'Cos, there was a part of me that was doing it for myself too.

- "This isn't legal"- she shook her head in shock and kept trying to find a good explanation to what was going on.

- "Your son is eighteen, ma'am. He can act in your welfare,"- one of the make nurses explained to her.

- "You need help,"- I said and prayed she could understand. But she just burst into tears and begged.

- "I wanna stay here!"

- "I'm... sorry, mom."

- "Please, these are my things, this is my life..."

Those men took her. They took her from her house and put her in a hospital. No. I put her there. I put my mom in a hospital so I could live my life, 'cos I am selfish and couldn't take care of her anymore.

- "Spencer, please, don't do this to me."

Those were the words that haunted me day and night. And my mother's crying face, begging me not to take her from her own house.

What kind of a son am I? I did that to her. I put her in a mental place 'cos I couldn't deal with her disease anymore. 'Cos I didn't know how to take care of her.

- "What are you sorry for, boy?"- I heard Hankel ask when I woke up. I was muttering, "Sorry" as I came back from my trip.

- "I sent her away."

- "Who."

- "My mom. I couldn't help her."

- "Is that a confession?"- I nodded and looked around, confused. Lost. High- "You know the bible. Exodus 21:17"

- "And he that curseth his father or his mother shall surely be put to death,"- I whispered, scared and full of regret.

I heard him walk towards me. He kneeled and uncuffed me. I didn't know what was happening. Honestly, I was still too high to get what was going on around me.

- "Grab a shovel,"- he commanded and walked outside.

I was too weak to dig fast. I don't know how I was actually moving, but I was digging my own grave. I never thought I would ever end up doing such a thing. It's not something you think about, actually. Not unless you work in the BAU. Here, you start analyzing and considering the way you'll die: 'Cos you could, every day.

- "I ought to bury you alive in there, give you some time to think about what you've done,"- Hankel said and looked at me while I worked, playing with a knife.

- "I know what I've done."

- "Don't talk back to me! Dig!"

I pant and kept moving, very slowly, trying to buy myself some time too. I was sure the team was coming to get me any minute now. I was counting on them, though the more I thought about it, the less worthy of salvation I felt. Maybe I deserved to die after all.

I was almost certain I had seen some lights moving in the back. Flashlights. But it could be my mind playing tricks on me. I was too tired. And still too high, too.

- "Dig faster!"- he commanded me as I moved, losing my breath.

- "I'm not strong enough"- I cried, 'cos I felt like that. Like a failure, a child that aimed to be a grown-up and failed miserably. A bad son. The worst agent. A fake that deserved to die.

- "You are all weak!! Get out of there!"

Hankel took off his coat and left it on the ground. I slowly moved so he could dig for me, but the lights in the back took my attention, and he noticed. As soon as he turned around, I quickly grabbed his coat and reached out for the gun.

- "You've only got one bullet, son,"- he said as he looked at me. And I just pulled the trigger.

I shot him. I killed him. Hankel. Raphael. Tobias. I freed Tobias. Or at least, that is what I wanted to think.

- "Reid!!"- I heard (Y/N) yelling as I crawled to Tobia's body. He was still awake. He was himself.

- "You killed him"- he said, and he was relieved- "Do you think I'll get to see my mom again?"

- "I'm sorry,"- I whispered, and he was gone.

- "Reid!!"

(Y/N) yelled and ran over. She kneeled next to me and held me in her arms. I couldn't move, because for a few seconds, I couldn't believe she was real. She was there.

- "Honey, honey, are you ok? Can you hear me?"- she said, and tears started falling from her eyes- "Honey, it's me."

I just looked at her and hugged her. I hugged her as my life depended on it. There she was, next to me, finally.

- "I thought I was never going to see you again,"- I whispered and sobbed.

The urge to kiss her filled my whole body. I needed to taste her. I needed to show her how much I had needed her those days. But I knew I couldn't.

I didn't want to let her go. I didn't for a few minutes. I just hold onto her for my sanity. She kissed my forehead, cupping my face with both hands.

- "I'm so happy to see you. I'm glad you are ok... let's go to the ambulance, ok?"- I nodded but didn't let her go. I felt I could hold her forever. I wanted to keep her close for as long as I lived.

But the rest of the team gathered around us, and I wanted to thank them too. I needed to thank Hotch. So as soon as I let (Y/N) go, I wrapped my arms around him.

- "You alright?"- he asked me.

- "I knew you'd understand,"- I managed to say with tears falling from my eyes and a knot in my throat.

For a moment, I thought I was never going to see the team again. My family.

JJ held me close and apologized. I knew she felt guilty for leaving me alone, but I was the only one culpable for what had happened. I wanted to prove myself, and all I managed to do was prove I was a fool. A useless SSA.

- "It's alright, it wasn't your fault,"- I said and did my best to smile at her. But I know I failed. Gideon grabbed my arm and nodded.

- "Let's get you out of here."

- "Please,"- I whispered before we started walking- "Can I have a second alone?"- he looked at me and nodded, looking at Tobias' body lying by our side. He walked away, and I kneeled next to my capturer.

But instead of paying my respects, instead of cursing. Instead of anything, I took the Dilaudid bottles from his pocket and put them into mine.

And that's how the real hell started.

--

DIWK Taglist:

@all-tings-diego @big-galaxy-chaos @svveet-peas @muffin-cup @shilohpug

Spencer taglist

@calm-and-doctor

General Taglist

@spenxerslut @ash19871962

–

Do you want to be on the taglist or ramble about this chapter with me? Just send me a message here.

Next update: May 5th, 2021

[birdsandbats]

Batboys react too TikTok trends #5

Trend: surprise them by wearing lingerie and doing smth mundane

(A/n: so I kinda got carried away and these turned into just the boys being simps but I still like it so 🤷‍♀️ it is what it isssss. So enjoy 🥰)

Dick: “hey babe- oh. So are we doing this now or? Do we wanna go to the bedroom or here on the kitchen counter”its safe to say you can definitely surprise him like this more often

Jason: He comes running at the sound of you calling for him always worried something happened. Instead he’s pleasantly surprised to find you in a lingerie set of his favorite color that hugged all your curves and made you look immaculate. The large dopey grin that spread across his face said it all he really did love you

Tim: He's seen you naked a number of times but his face never fails to turn shades of pink, he just finds you so beautiful and is shocked you liked him back. “This was a nice way too get me to stop working”

Damian: Of all the things he expected to see when he walked into the kitchen after you called for him to come to you this was not it. His mouth suddenly became dry at the sight and of all the languages he knew he couldn’t find a word to describe how beautiful you looked

Bruce: takes a minute too take it in before mumbling a “I’m so glad I gave Alfred the day off today” and you in a heated kiss

[abessive-art]

i may just be rehashing what everyone that has heard this song knows, but I just cannot get over the concept of Jason Webley’s song “Pyramid”. The idea specifically of this woman’s life being known by only a few people in a small town in god knows where, and then, after her death, the rediscovery and transformation of it through whoever compiled it into a scrapbook, only for it to end in a dumpster several cities away. And then the absolute beauty of someone else mundanely stumbling upon it, and showing the kindness of looking at someone’s life, a complete stranger, and finding meaning and inspiration from it. And then from there, to this song being heard by hundreds of other people from all over the world, so far away from her in life. And despite that, still feeling when we hear her story. Idk man makes me cry. Invisible strings and everything, even after you die.

[imonthinice]

The Criminal Psychology Majors, Jason Todd x Fem!Reader Part 15/?

Word Count: 3k

Author’s Note: Y/N - Your Name.

Thinking about making parts longer so that I can at least finish a semester of Jason knowing Y/N before I do fic 2 of this continuity. Give it a better name, probably. I dunno

Warnings: Eludes to sex, Takes about Injuries, Mentions of Trauma, Refusal to acknowledge pain, Swearing, No beta bitch we die like Jason Todd

(Part 1) (Part 2) (Part 3) (Part 4) (Part 5) (Part 6) (Part 7) (Part 8) (Part 9) (Part 10) (Part 11) (Part 12) (Part 13) (Part 14) (Part 15) (Part 16) (Part 17) (Part 18) (Part 19) (Part 20)

She could find herself lost in the way Jason walked for hours. He thought she was asleep when he threw on his slightly ripped boxers so he could walk to his desk. She didn’t know what it was that drew her in, maybe it was just the way that even after he had been stabbed that he could act like he owned the room.

She thought he was really, really, attractive. Like, really.  She couldn't think of times where she wouldn’t get lost in how he looked. His personality made it a lot better, too. She really liked how he chose to carry his personality, how he chose to carry himself. 

He turned to his bed after plugging in his laptop, it would take a while to charge, when he noticed she was staring.

“Your eyes will dry out looking at something so hot, Y/N. I’d be careful,” he joked, letting a large smile slip by.

“I’ll need heat-resistant goggled to keep this relationship going, damn.”

“Bruce can buy you some.”

“I think after his freak-out bout our situation, he wouldn’t be keen on that one, darling.”

He smiled at her, “What makes you say that? He clearly likes you.”

“That doesn't mean he wants to spend that much money on me.”

“I would spend that much money on you,” he grabbed the water bottle sitting at his desk and twisted the cap off.

“You have spent that much money on me.”

“Pretty girl, gets money, gets the pretty man,” he said before seeming to chug the entire bottle.

“You would probably find a way to drown while drinking water, honestly.”

“Ha, ha, baby. Funny.”

“You don’t have to tell me I’m funny for me to know I’m funny, Jay,” she joked, “Are you coming back to bed?”

“No, I’m not.”

“What the fuck, man.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I have work to do for Wayne Enterprises,” he said.

“I just want to cuddle,” she jokingly wined at him.

“You’re a temptress, but I really have to do this.”

“Doesn’t your laptop take time to charge?” she asked.

“Yes it does, why?”

“Come here then.”

He sighed and looked at his laptop before smiling and coming over to his bed, “You’re lucky it’s charging slowly today, baby.”

He climbed into the bed beside her, she thought he forgot that she was naked but he didn’t.  He knew she was naked, he just didn’t want anything from her, he didn’t want a ‘fun night’ with his girlfriend, he just wanted the cuddling on a Thursday morning.

She had a headache, a massive one, and Jason noticed her wincing a lot and holding her head, he had seen these signs before, in Time Drake, his baby brother, who had a severe caffeine addiction.

“You alright?” he asked, nuzzling his nose into her shoulder.

“Headache,” she answered and winced again.

“Caffeine or medication?” he asked, trying to make certain that is was caffeine and not anything else.

“Caffeine.”

“I can always make you some coffee, Y/N.”

“If you're willing to leave this bed, could you?” she asked.

“I could, I could. I don’t want to leave this moment, but I guess” he said, sarcastically.

“I’ll owe you indefinitely,” she said as he got up and walked over to his dresser, scavenging for a pair of pants so he didn’t walk downstairs and possibly expose himself to his siblings.

“Do you want anything else while I’m down there?” he asked while putting on his pants, “I can always make you breakfast,” he said. 

“No, no, the coffee is more than enough, I swear.”

“You just want to spend more time with me, you simp.”

“That is true, that is so true.”

“I’ll be back in bed before you know it,” he walked over to her and kissed her forehead, taking in the bedhead and the way her eyes drowsed when she was tired, “Don’t pass out on me.”

“I can’t make promises I may not keep.”

“Then just keep me positive.”

She laughed and he walked out of the room. You could feel the way he was giddy about her as he walked out, from the way his grin wouldn’t fall to the way he bothered to get dressed, even if it was just pants.

No one thought they’d see the day that Jason Todd, the Jason Todd, would walk out of a room with a girl in it with pants on.

“Master Todd,” Alfred said as Jason walked into the kitchen, “One of these days, I ask of you, you and Miss Y/N should eat breakfast with the rest of us. And, it’s nearly 10:00, sir. You should be up sooner.”

“I can always count on you to parent me, Alfred,” Jason joked, “One of these days she and I will come down for breakfast, I swear,” he turned on the coffee machine.

“You don’t drink coffee, Master Todd.”

“No, I don’t. But she does.”

“My god, you’re whipped!” Tim exclaimed at his big brother.

“You’ll understand one day when someone you like this much is in your bed, Tim.”

“You didn’t even call me on my shit, who are you and what did you do with my brother?” Tim joked.

“I sold him to the devil in exchange for his rocking body and a beautiful girlfriend, moron.”

“How is your stab wound, Master Todd?” Alfred asked.

“Painful,” he said before looking in his foresight for Alfred’s reaction, when Alfred frowned, it broke Jason’s heart, he loved Alfred, “It’s gotten better, I swear. But it’s not ideal, either.”

“Master Richard says he should have watched you closer.”

“I don’t think he could have stopped it.”

“I could have tried,” Dick chimed in.

“Have you been listening in?” Tim asked when he turned to Dick.

“Are you that surprised? But Jase, you could have died, I could have done better, I could have stopped it if I just-”

“How many times do I have to say it isn’t your fault, Dickie?” Jason cut him off.

“I just promised to always protect you, and I failed my job.”

“You’re starting to sound like Dad, Dick,” Jason joked, trying to liven up the mood and stop his brother from crying. He needed to just distract them all from it, he didn’t want to deal with it, to talk about it all.

“Jase,” Dick paused.

“Dick, c’mon. I’m not dead. No one died. We’re all okay.”

“Jay, he has a point, no one is ready to lose you again, man,” Tim jumped in.

“To say the least,” Alfred finished.

“I love you guys, I do,” he said as he poured Y/N’s coffee, “And I get you’re scared that I’m going to die again,” he paused and sighed, “I don’t really know what to say, really.”

“You said really twice,” Tim joked.

“Listen here you little, literally, shit,” Jason retorted, holding his hand above Tim’s head like he was comparing heights, “I’ve enjoyed this, really. I can’t give up family bonding for anything, but you guys understand-”

“Are you ditching us for the pretty woman?” Dick asked.

“You would do the same, Dick.”

“Because I’m serious about Barbara.”

“And?” he joked as he walked off and back to his room.

Opening his door, he saw her, half-awake, laying in his bed. She had gotten up at some point to put on one of his shirts, it was cute. He liked the fact that she was wearing his shirt. He stared for a bit.

“Whatcha doing, Romeo?” she joked.

“Is that my shirt?” he asked as he walked towards his nightstand and put down the coffee before looking at her.

“Yeah, it is. If you mind, frankly, I don’t care.”

“Ha, ha. I don’t mind,” he said as he crawled back into bed with her while she sat up to drink the coffee, “Hope that makes it a little nicer to be here.”

“It’s already nice to be here.”

“I’m sure the headache made it suck a little, though.”

“Well yes but no.”

“Yes but no is my personal motto.”

“Is it now?”

“Well, ‘Should you do this, Jason? Dad will be mad.’ followed by yes but no is literally everything I do, ever.”

“Is this how telling your dad that we’re dating went?” she joked.

“Oh yeah, he just hates you,” he said with heavy sarcasm.

“If your partner’s parents don’t hate you then are you even their partner?” she retorted.

He laughed and buried his face into her chest. She laughed between sips of her coffee and she stroked his hair. She thought he liked it when she did this, and he did, she was right. He could feel each of her fingers running through his hair, massaging his head. If love languages are a thing, she could speak his fluently.

She was scared, scared that the attacks against her were related, scared that her friends weren’t going to get out of jail, scared that her escapade of drinking had brought her back to alcoholism, there was a taste she could never get off her tongue, the cravings she couldn’t quench. And it scared her. She hadn’t been this far down in a while, mentally. 

It never seemed like the moment that she could bring that up to Jason, her fears. She wanted to open up about it but she just couldn’t.

Jason wanted to bring up the nightmares to her, but it was never the moment, He wanted to open up to her about it but he too, just couldn’t.

When she finished her coffee, it was unfortunately the time that Jason had to work, she audibly groaned and sighed when he left her side. He laughed and kissed her before he left the bed, and she, jokingly, tried to pull him back onto the bed.

Mundane life, day-to-day life was stuff like this, partners leaving because they had jobs, school, volunteering, extra-curricular activities, anything. It was the sad reality that they both would have to accept, especially if Y/N was going to reenroll in her dance lessons, which she had been thinking about. She hadn’t been deciding anything, she was scared.

Was it the distance that scared her? Probably. Was it the fact that she could fall from grace? Yes. She didn’t want to fall, she wanted to climb and climb harder and progress. She was a high-achiever. She had already fell, too. She fell hard.

She remembered waking up in a hospital in grade 10, after a night of partying, on the verge of death from alcohol poisoning. She was sent to rehab but relapsed hard. She had already fell, she had fallen so hard but tried to rebuild herself so hard as well. No one, but her parents, knew about the hospital visit, she had hidden it.

He was working away, typing on his laptop when she noticed that he was wincing.

“Baby?” she asked.

“Yes?” he said, through pain.

“Are you alright?”

“Just a little bit of pain, don’t worry.”

She got up and draped her arms behind him on the chair, “Doesn’t seem like a little bit, Jay.”

He grabbed her arm and rested his hand there while the other worked still, “Really, it’s nothing.”

“Do you have pain medication?” she whispered in his ear, trying to prove that she wasn’t going to let it go.

“I do, in the cabinet in the bathroom, why? Are you in pain?”

“If I asked you to take some so I don’t have to see you wince, will you?” she said while she walked towards the bathroom and dug through his cabinet.

“Baby, c’mon, please,”

“Shhhh,” she said as she found the pain meds and walked back, “Take some?”

“C’mon now,” he said.

“No, don’t humor me, say yes or no,” she said.

He grabbed the pill bottle and read the dosage instructions as she  crawled behind him in the chair and rested her head on his back. He laughed slightly when she did and she could feel him laugh. The way his muscles contorted as he laughed. It was something she loved. He took the recommended dosage when she glanced at his stitches. They looked to be healing, but she wasn’t a doctor, she didn’t know if they were.

She placed her hand on top of his stitches, hoping she could just trace the outline of the scar, but she was watching his face, hoping that he wouldn’t wince if she tried. He smiled though,  something about her even trying to comfort him brought him joy.

He didn’t feel worthy of her worry, her love, her kindness, but he enjoyed every minute of it because he still didn’t know if the pressure of it all, his life, if it would break her. He didn’t want it all to come crashing down, ever. He wanted this to last at least long enough that he could consider saying ‘I love you’  to her.

Every other girl would have run at the moment he was stabbed though, maybe because they had sense, maybe because she didn’t think through it all. He didn’t think she was ‘Not like other girls’ just because he knew that mindset is fucking trash, thank to his sisters just rambling about it at family game night after Tim said it, on accident. Boy, that kid got his ass handed to him by the girls.

He was sure that Y/N probably thought the same about it, in spite of the pick-me songs she’d end up playing when she was bored. They were just good songs, he was sure she didn’t really think that bringing other women, even men, down was a good thing. if she did, who knows how his sisters and brothers would feel about her when they found out.

But there he sat, and Y/N hadn't run. She had embraced the tragedy with open arms and expected it to slow down. His life was face-paced, a tale of a boy running too far and into the sky, and she sat through it with him. He would tap and type on his laptop, trying to not move and disturb her as she relaxed. 

Doing work was not exactly the activity a new couple would want to do when neither of them had anything else to do, but it needed to be done or Bruce would hand Jason his ass in an argument about work ethic. Jason had work ethic, and Bruce had let him rest but when Jason was showing signs of recovery, he started telling Jason to ease back into work. So, Jason wrote essays defending projects Bruce wanted to do to the board. 

Bruce didn’t need Jason to defend him, but if Jason could get the words out, normally no board members would fight Bruce on the decision anymore. And Bruce paid Jason handsomely for these essays, because Bruce did not like the fighting and arguing he’d get from the board.

But the Batman-Patented Stare would follow if someone continued to hate Bruce’s plans. It was a watered-down version of it, but it was still probably the most intimidating thing that his kids and teammates have ever experienced.

Jason hope that the relationship between him and Y/N would continued even if Bruce gave her the Batman Stare. She seemed like the type of girl who would end up laughing in Bruce’s face if he did it to her.

She was probably going to receive it after that fight Jason and him had about protection, because she was also partly to blame about that.

The hours ticked by as Jason wrote to defend his dad from the board, and before he and Y/N knew it, it was dinner time at the Wayne Manor, and Y/N was invited. Great, Jason thought, I guess we’re going to find out how she’s going to deal with the stare.

“Just a fair warning, baby, my dad’s probably going to attempt to lecture you if you join us for dinner,” Jason said as he got dressed.

“He can try his best, I’ll give him that,” she laughed as she threw on the same clothes she had from the day before.

“You need to start bringing an over-night bag here, damn,” he joked.

“Remind me next time I come over and I’ll at least bring a second change of clothes in my schoolbag.”

------------------------

They all sat down for dinner, and Bruce started his parenting attempt, “Jason, Y/N,” he said and both of them stared at him, “You both know what you did was irresponsible-”

“Everything I do is irresponsible, Bruce, no offense,” Y/N joked.

“Look, I’m not going to have you two having sex-”

“They’re having sex?!” Damien and Tim exclaimed with fake disgust, YN laughed.

“Could any of you take this seriously?”

“Sorry, sorry, playboy billionaire, I’ll pretend you’re my dad for a second,” YN joked.

“You’re going to be a pain in my ass, huh?”

“Yeah, probably. Sorry about that, genuinely, but its not my fault your son picked me.”

“I just need you two to be safe if  you’re going to continue to have sex in my house,” Bruce said, exasperated.

“We’ll just have sex at my house then,” Y/N joked again.

Bruce gave her The Stare at this moment, and she got startled a little bit. Everyone paused because she literally jumped a bit at The Stare.

“Dad, I think you genuinely scared her a bit,” Dick said.

“Did I jump? Oh my god,” she laughed, “I’m sorry,” she laughed harder, “I wasn’t expecting it!”

“Dad, c’mon, she’s a guest,” Jason said.

“No, no don’t worry about me, seriously. He can discipline me all he wants, honestly. If he’s nice about it, I’ll listen, even if I throw 69 jokes his way.”

“Nice,” Tim retorted.

“Really, a sex joke? Right after I tried to parent you?” Bruce questioned, “You really are the perfect match for Jason, my god.”

“You didn’t already realize that from the flipping off the press and her head-butting incident?” Stephanie added in, mocking Bruce.

“I, in no way, feel remorse or shame about either of those events.”

“You flipped off the press?” Cass asked.

“I did, I did. They can’t stop me, no one can.”

“I can,” Jason joked.

“You can keep thinking that.”

Everyone laughed. Whether or not Bruce wanted to admit it, he liked Y/N and hoped that Jason and her were going to last a while.