#jaskier is doing it to spite geralt

[proheromidoriyashouto]

wolf witcher shenanigans headcannon that jaskier sponsors lambert at a university in nilfgaard, and geralt and vesemir don't know until its too late to rain on their parade

lambert always wanted to go because he's intensely intellectual under his pricky personality but vesemir intervened so he couldn't attend any of the major universities on the continent. witchers don't waste coin and time that could be spent hunting on paper for non-witchering trades.

lambert says fuck that! then tentatively approaches jaskier for advice about getting around the ban vesemir has orchestrated.

jaskier is a continent famous bard and respected university professor. he doesn't have the pull to lift a no-witchers ban, even at oxenfurt, but he does have the social capital and connections to sponsor a student of his choosing at a foreign institution. sure, he'll have to pull some strings and cash in quite a few favors and write some outlandish cheques, but why not help a friend?

he has no children of his own to sponsor and ciri is a non-starter. he helped support geralt for decades on the Path, why can't a grown man with disposable income support another friend off the Path?

so what if this "son" of his looks nothing like jaskier? women contribute to a child's genetics! so what if jaskier looks younger than his "son"? it's impolite to make suggestions about one's age! (or lambert could be passed off as a nephew or something with similar bullshit. husband/fake marriage would go OFF)

lambert could get himself exiled from the wolf school (not great) or simply lie to vesemir (outright bad idea) or disappear from the northern kingdoms altogether (also bad) to attend a university in nilfgaard without worry of pursuit

maybe it's a little weird, and he's strange to the southerners, but nilfgaard is not openly hostile to non-humans. at least, not to the same degree. so it's fine.

he gets a thorough education and a respectable job title and can use his hard earned knowledge to benefit his friends and family. the old man can die mad about it.

[thedemonofcat]

After his father's death, Jaskier returns to Lettenhove for the funeral. Following the ceremony and some obligatory family time, he attends the reading of the will. To his surprise, he's informed that—thanks to some ancient land deal made centuries ago—his family technically owns a portion of the Blue Mountains.

As part of his inheritance, Jaskier discovers he is now the rightful owner of Kaer Morhen.

Naturally, the wolf witchers don’t take this news well.

They all know, or at least suspect, something about whatever happened between Geralt and Jaskier after that mountain incident—the one that caused them to stop traveling together. So now, panic sets in. The witchers are worried Jaskier might decide to evict them out of spite.

So far, they've brainstormed a few "solutions":

PLAN A: Kidnap Jaskier and keep him locked up in Kaer Morhen to prevent him from doing anything drastic.

PLAN B: Use Axii to make Jaskier forget Kaer Morhen even exists.

PLAN C: Kill Jaskier. (Not ideal. Or smart.)

PLAN D: Force Geralt to apologize, hoping that if Jaskier forgives him, he’ll go easy on the rest of them.

Currently, the witchers are still arguing about which plan is the least terrible.

[pirateprincessblog]

contract

𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐜𝐫.: a witcher (polish: wiedźmin) is someone who has undergone extensive training, ruthless mental and physical conditioning, and mysterious rituals in preparation for becoming an itinerant slayer for hire. this witcher is currently in novigrad, and is overshadowed by his fellow brother. whenever a contract for a monster is issued, it is geralt of rivia they expect. seonghwa has grown tired of the disappointed faces that greet him when he accepts a contract, and thus has decided to rest in the big city and let the other witcher do the job. even after geralt left for skellige islands in search of his daughter cirilla, seonghwa decides to keep aside out of spite.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: park seonghwa x f!reader 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 5.3k 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: witcher!seonghwa, catschool!seonghwa, highervampire!reader, f!reader, the witcher universe, smut, angst 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬: oral(f!receiving), fingering, squirting, bondage 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: blood, violence, alcohol, nsfw, vampires 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: replaying witcher 3 and I absolutely love this universe! i hate what netflix did to it, it made it all gloomy and sexual and has little to no connection to the lore and aside from henry cavill and his sexy ass voice the show is a complete disaster. if you want to know more about this universe before reading, i suggest you watch this(these animations contain violence, nudity and blood in them!): https://youtu.be/1-l29HlKkXU?si=HAI0GckIcphtcTRa and https://youtu.be/c0i88t0Kacs?si=vvXEaYu_SThzEPNT

not entirely proofread forgive me! 𝐃𝐢𝐬𝐜𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐫: 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐲.

the witcher sips his drink at the rosemary and thyme cabaret. the redanian lager in the wooden pitcher has never tasted worse, and the music has never scratched his ears as badly as tonight. he hated what jaskier has done with the brothel. a cabaret, he scoffs to himself.

"oi, witcher!"

the man sighs. even though he was forcing himself to drink the beer and didn't enjoy it, he also didn't enjoy being interrupted.

"'ave you checked the notice board? there's a witcher contract hangin' there for weeks!" the accent behind him is rough. a dwarf, he guesses. but he doesn't have to guess, because the short figure appears in front of him and slams the crumpled piece of paper on the wooden table. "while you're 'ere tryna plough some whores, there's a threat inside the city gates!"

"geralt can handle that." the witcher mumbles, pushing the paper away. he drinks another sip of the warm beer, eyes fixed on the discarded medallion next to his two swords on the table. "he is the mighty wolfie. i'm sure he'll handle it."

"in case ya haven't noticed," the dwarf dares to get into the witcher's face, even goes as far as to flick him on the forehead. "the white wolf has gone lookin' for his lost lass. he is probably already in skellige, solvin' contract after contract and still workin' on finding cirilla. like a true witcher."

when the witcher's eyes start glimmering a familiar yellow, and his irises resemble the cat's, it is a sign for the dwarf to back away. the man places the pitcher with a loud thud on the table, then slowly stands up. his armor clinks as he moves, and his glowing eyes drill into the man's scared ones. still, the shorter male doesn't flinch, even if his eyes give away his emotions.

"when the white wolf comes, he can solve your fucking contract." the witcher doesn't need to raise his voice. the way he growls is enough to make a beast tuck its tail and lower its gaze. which is what the dwarf should be doing now. "as if you know what a true witcher is. stupid humans, hiding in your houses at every wolf howl and owl hoot, burning mages and sorceresses at stakes because they are different than you, casting elves out, calling us witchers mutants, yet crying for help and leaving pathetic notes and contracts on notice boards when you realise just how weak and mortal you are compared to all of us."

"young lasses 're getting killed left and right, and you only care about yer dick and where to get drunk."

"well, certainly not here anymore."

the taller man throws a few coins on the table, not bothering to pick up the ones that fell on the ground. he then takes his swords and puts them on his back, along with the crossbow. the medallion necklace rests in his pocket this time instead of around his neck.

as he makes his way outside, the music doesn't stop, nor do any of the guests or dancers turn to look. they are used to the moody witcher by now. yet the dwarf doesn't give up.

"ye know, i wish geralt were here. he has a daughter. he wouldn't think twice before accepting this contract. you? you are just a coward."

"hey, hey! seonghwa, endarn! you're upsetting my guests!"

"mind your business, jaskier. i am out of here anyway. doubt i'll come back any time soon. you and your cabaret." the dark haired witcher, seonghwa, spits on the ground.

the young bard rolls his eyes. if he didn't know geralt, he would have a very bad opinion about witchers. "passiflora is just a few blocks away. you know, a real brothel. also, not to be rude, but you were a few crowns short back there."

seonghwa grunts. he reaches into his pocket and finds a few more coins, then throws them behind his back and follows the trail to the famous brothel.

"are all witchers 'xcept geralt like that?" the dwarf asks, disappointed.

the bard takes the contract from his hand, looking at the messy hand-writing, then at the stumbling witcher. "no. just the cat school ones. or so i've heard."

meanwhile, seonghwa has found his way to the passiflora brothel. he isn't usually like this, really. but recently, people have been asking for witchers, and when he'd show up, they'd be disappointed it is not his friend and colleague geralt. witchers are not supposed to feel or show emotion. but seonghwa has had enough. just a week ago he had slayed a striga, and the only gratitude he got was a raw fish into his face and a few crowns. he wasn't sad. he was angry that these people had the audacity to plead for help and be picky about it.

he wasn't ploughing anyone. the brothels were the only place where he had peace. people too focused on lust and fun, it allowed seonghwa to sit in the corner and sip his favourite kaedwenian stout in peace. he'd sometimes take a girl upstairs, only to give her a pouch of coins so she can leave him to sleep in peace. some would be relieved, some offended. but seonghwa didn't care. all he wanted was rest.

tonight, however, he needed to switch locations. ever since jaskier met his soulmate, his brothel has transformed into a cabaret. yes, the bard wanted to do that before meeting her. but he delayed it. and seonghwa liked it. now? everyone was at his neck, especially since they discovered that jaskier knows not one, but two witchers. favor here, problem there, and seonghwa couldn't catch a break. this one has rats, this one has a ghoul in his basement, and this one wants to act tough and challenge him to a fist fight so he can win a girl over.

the dark haired man glances at the wooden sign that reads passiflora, before carefully entering. he is greeted with a rather sweet scent and sensual music. the people inside aren't half naked like they were back in rosemary and thyme. they were dressed in prettiest dresses, had their hair decorated with all sorts of pins, and were in elegant make-up. a true refreshment. the place didn't reek of sweat, and wasn't loud at all. no sights of shirtless men with their hairy belly out, no women with missing and unbrushed teeth, no stench of alcohol and bodily fluids. seonghwa was pleasantly surprised.

"ah, a witcher!"

and there it is.

"please, do come in. care for a drink? your first one is on the house."

odd. the middle aged woman didn't bombard him with a plea for help. nor did she look at him with judgement. "thank you...?"

"mathilda is enough." she smiles at him. seonghwa can't remember the last time someone smiled at him genuinely.

"thank you, mathilda."

mathilda turns out to be the owner of the brothel. she has black hair, with dozens of grey strands blending in it. her face has minimum makeup, or so seonghwa thinks. what does he know about makeup? her dress is modest, and he comes to a conclusion that she might be retired. she is also very pleasant to speak with. so pleasant that the witcher doesn't realise how fast the time is passing and how much more talkative he is getting.

"so, which one of the girls has caught your attention?" the woman turns away from the bar, and so does the witcher. he sips his third drink of the evening as the woman points at the girls in the room. "we've got a few new girls, eager to prove themselves. how do you like them?"

when seonghwa glances at the clock, he decides it might be time to go and rest. so he skims over the pretty girls that dance and speak to other customers. some of them are relaxed, as if this is their home, and some are stiff and nervous. his yellow eyes then pick up a figure in the corner, standing all by herself with her arms folded across her chest. her hair is decorated with gold hairpins, and head chain sits prettily on her forehead. it reminds seonghwa of an elven princess. her dress is a deep green, parting at her thighs and falling to the ground. it has a deep cut that goes to her stomach, and it seems that she is trying to hide her exposed skin.

"ah, y/n." mathilda notices his lingering gaze. "good luck with it. i gave her another week to relax, i won't push her yet. if she doesn't change within a week, i'll have to fire her. shame, really. she is gorgeous, and has brought me many new customers."

seonghwa hums. he then locks eyes with the beautiful figure's ones, and downs his beer. to both his and mathilda's surprise, the young woman makes her way towards the bar. for a moment, they think that she might pass by them and just order herself a drink. instead, she places her hand on the witcher's chest, feeling the cold silver armor under her palm.

"good evening, witcher." her voice is as sweet as honey in seonghwa's ears. he is mesmerized, and she has only spoken a few words to him. "come to release some stress?"

seonghwa watches as her glossy lips move while she speaks. subconsciously, his hand reaches for her cheek to cup it, thumb grazing over her bottom lip and eyes focused on the tongue that peeks out to lick the tip of his finger. he almost shudders at the action. the young woman is determined to prove herself, and goes a step further. she wraps her small hands around his big one, and guides his thumb between her lips, gently swirling her warm tongue around it and sending shivers down the witcher's spine. seonghwa feels his trousers tighten; something he hasn't felt in a while.

she releases his finger with a soft pop, but keeps his hand safe in hers near her chest. "i've always wanted to meet a witcher."

and how could seonghwa refuse her, when she looks at him with big pleading eyes, her chest heaving, and with her lip gloss smeared. the desire to smear it further awakens in him, and he wastes no time in paying for his drink and thanking mathilda. the young woman keeps the witcher's hand in hers, intertwining their fingers as she leads him upstairs and into one of the rooms.

usually, this is the part where seonghwa explains that he is not interested in any sexual interactions. but the way the green dress slides off her body, and the way the fireplace illuminates her skin makes his head spin. she turns around, body bare except for the cotton panties that sit on her hips. seonghwa, however, is still in his witcher gear. the feline armor is suddenly too heavy on him. she seems to hear his thoughts, because she is quick to approach him and press her warm bare chest against his clothed cold one. her delicate hands slip around his waist, and on his back, until they reach the belt that holds his weapons.

"may i?"

it only takes a nod from him to get rid of the entire armor and the clothes underneath. he is now also left in his underwear, and he can't wait to take them off too.

"can i give you a massage, witcher?"

seonghwa swears he hasn't heard a voice so seductive... ever. smooth, sweet, breathy. the way she sighs and breathes against his neck as her fingers work on the knots on his shoulder blades relaxes him. before he can fall asleep on the chair in front of the mirror, she wakes him up with a playful hair pull. he only scoffs with amusement. his eyes follow as her last piece of clothing slides down her smooth thighs and pools on the ground. then, she herself gets on the ground on all fours, and crawls over to the stunned witcher.

"what are you-"

"hush, pretty." if seonghwa had anything to add or even finish his sentence, a gasp stops him. he watches as the young woman catches the string of his underwear between his teeth, and pulls until they come loose and fall to the ground.

is she really new?

seonghwa does not complain. he does complain however when she stands up, taking his rough hand in her soft one and guiding him towards the bed. the sight of someone like that getting on her knees for him was a first, and he wanted to savor it just a tad bit longer.

"talk to me, witcher." she climbs on top of him, soft smooth skin caressing his scarred and rough as she lays on top of him. her breasts are squished against his hard chest, and his hands immediately reach for her waist to hold. "tell me what you want. i'll give you all of it."

seonghwa stops for a moment. he isn't sure what he wants. yes, he slept with women before. he slept with sorceresses too. all of them were the same; get it in and over with. seonghwa would simply lay there and let them chase their own pleasure. he would reach his own too, and he never thought further of it. they even complimented him, saying how no man has made them feel that good, that their partners would usually do it for themselves and leave them to finish on their own. now, however, seeing this beauty pressed against him and looking at him with pure desire, he might discover something new. he might put himself first. not that he didn't enjoy the previous encounters. he is just eager to see what she has to offer him. "i give you full freedom to do whatever you wish to me."

her lips stretch in an excited smile, and her eyes have a certain glint. if seonghwa wasn't so painfully needy right now, he would've questioned it. true witcher style.

"just... one thing."

"yes?"

seonghwa's hands reach for the green dress that was dropped on the floor. he hands it to her, and she looks at him with confusion. was he rejecting her?

"put it on."

"but- why?" her lips form a pout. "did i displease you somehow?"

the dark haired witcher smiles. he then simply sits up on the bed, hands still firmly planted on her waist as she fumbles with the green fabric. "no. you just look too stunning in it to leave it on the floor. no panties."

"oh." she exhales, relief washing over her body. "you do realize that you're the first man i've given myself to in this building and you're asking me to cover up?"

seonghwa doesn't respond, but instead watches her dress. her look is complete once again, except for the heeled boots that still lay on the floor. not a single sorceress he has met could compete with her. "so you were waiting for a witcher to be your first?"

"perhaps." her hands reach for the pins in her hair, but seonghwa stops her there too. she then scoffs in disbelief, but obeys anyway. "whatever i want, huh?"

"whatever you want." seonghwa sighs, body fully relaxing on the soft bed and eyes closed. his hands remain on her now clothed waist. he doesn't know what it is, but it gives him a sense of dominance, even if she is the one on top. her body feels small and fragile, and he has the urge to hold her, as if to protect her.

a sweet scent of berries envelops his senses, as well as his mind. her breath warms his neck, just a small warning before her lips attach to his skin. he can't help but flinch. she smiles against him, grazing his neck with her teeth. "found a sensitive spot it seems."

seonghwa only hums. his grip on her waist hardens as she kisses along his jawline, and her nails softly graze the path from his chest, down his stomach and to his defined v-line. finally, she attaches her lips to his. her other hand finds its way to his dark hair, softly massaging his scalp and lightly pulling the strands as he kisses her back. seonghwa feels as if this is his first proper kiss. nobody has ever kissed him before with such desire.

she grinds her hips against his, core lightly grazing his aching crotch, not yet giving him what he needs. as if he wasn't burning with need already, feeling her wet core slide against him only set him further on fire. he never said he was a patient man anyway.

he flips her on the bed with ease, now him being the one on top and in charge. his lips hungrily search for hers, tongue yearns for hers, and hands play with the sheer fabric of the dress. he doesn't care where he touches her. he just wants to feel her.

"thought i had full freedom?" she teases into the kiss.

he doesn't reply, instead biting her lower lip and sucking at it. she whines at the sweet pain, and if seonghwa didn't feel her body arch against his, he would've stopped. his lips chase hers, and no matter how many times his tongue rubs against hers, teeth clash against hers, and lips wipe the remaining lip gloss off hers, he can't get enough. "you taste so sweet."

even though he could spend the entire night just kissing her and feeling her body squirm under his, seonghwa proceeds to leave kisses down her neck, then the exposed skin between her breasts and all the way to her belly. the dress opening ends there, but it doesn't stop him. he disappears under the green ruffles, nose bumping against the soft folds and tongue searching for the source of heat. 

he never did it. he wasn't exactly sure how. all he knew is that he needed to taste her, all of her. with a single swipe up her folds, he has her squirming. he subconsciously grabs her thighs and pulls her closer to his face, holding her in place and burying himself into her core. she does taste as sweet, and smells as delightful. the noises that travel to seonghwa's ears are new to him. never did he hear a woman be so whiny and loud. moans? sure. but whines? that was new. and he wasn't sure if it is a good or a bad thing.

"please..." she finally mutters a word.

the witcher emerges from the green ruffles of her dress, sending her a questioning look. when he sees her flustered face and heaving chest, sleeves pushed down so that her breasts are exposed and her hands playing with the tense nipples, seonghwa realizes what he has been missing out on. there was more to it all than just an orgasm.

and he was going to savor all of it.

"please." she begs again. "i'll be good, just please..."

"please what?" the witcher questions.

"give me something. anything." she shudders when his finger grazes her tense clit. "please."

seonghwa doesn't wish this to end yet. he is loving the impact he has on someone. on her. he can't get over her beauty, or her taste. when he finishes taking in the sight of her half naked and flustered state, he attaches his lips to her clit once again, tongue swiping over the sensitive bud in circular motions and fingers searching for her leaking hole. her moans are more high pitched, and the grip on his hair stronger as he slowly inserts his finger inside. he wastes no time in adding another one, slowly pumping in and out and exploring which motions make her louder and her fingers pull at his hair harder. when he finds a certain spot on her upper wall, he abuses it, to the point where she shakes under his touch and moans turn to a blubbering mess.

"oh, witcher-" she gasps, body suddenly tensing and thighs squeezing around his head.

seonghwa doesn't have time to process what is happening, because he is greeted by clear fluid splashing his face. he doesn't stop yet, even though he wasn't exactly sure what happened. the young woman is a twitching mess under him, grinding her hips against his face and riding out her orgasm. when she starts pulling at his hair to pull him away from her, he takes it as a sign to stop.

"well," he flips the bottom of her dress over, exposing the abused core to the cool air that comes from the open balcony door. "i've never done that before."

"me neither." she admits, face red with embarrassment when she sees the witcher's soaked face. "i'm sorry."

"don't apologize. i am the one that should be apologizing."

"what for?"

instead of answering, he simply kisses her once again, savoring every caress of her tongue against his and every little noise she makes as his hands travel up her body and to her exposed breasts. the rough skin of his worn out fingers give her tense buds a gentle sensation. just enough to have her body arching against his and seek more of his warmth and touch. as she busies herself with playing with his hair and caressing the scars on his back, seonghwa slowly slides inside, letting out a low groan at the warm welcome.

he misses the way her eyes widen and her nails dig into his back. he is halfway in, struggling to go further. when her pretty face makes a painful grimace and a cry leaves her lips, seonghwa stops. "what's wrong?"

"nothing," she blinks her tears away.

"tell me." the witcher cups her face, thumbs caressing her cheeks and wiping the tears away.

"you're big."

his brows furrow. at first he isn't sure what she means, but when he feels her walls clench around him, he realizes. "oh."

"it's alright. keep going." her hands cup his face now, mimicking him. "just go slow."

but the witcher finds himself getting impatient once again. the way her warmth squeezes around him makes him see stars. and just like that, seonghwa finds himself snapping his hips into hers. a painful moan escapes her pretty lips once again, and seonghwa is quick to press his lips into hers to conceal it. she is mess, shamelessly moaning into his mouth whenever his hips collide with hers. tears roll down her cheeks once again, and this time, seonghwa doesn't stop. instead, he slows his pace, opting for sensual moves rather than rough ones.

"you're so big..." she sighs against his lips. "you're going to split me open."

if he could get any rock harder, he would. hell, he might even cum right there and then if it wasn't for the slow moves he was forced to do. "are you complaining?"

"not a bit."

tears of pain soon seem to transform into tears of pleasure, because when seonghwa starts snapping his hips against hers again, she only moans and groans. her walls tighten around him, announcing that she is close again. the witcher holds her waist in place, and his eyes can't get enough of her expressions, or the way her body responds to him and looks so fragile in his arms.

"cum in me, witcher." she begs. "fill me to the brim."

and seonghwa does just that. his moves become sloppy, and his concealed groans are now loud and clear as he pumps his seed into the beauty below him. he sees a slight bulge on her lower stomach when he goes to look where they are connected. fuck, he wants her again. and again and again. until the sun rises, just to watch the pure bliss on her face again.

"are you close?" he asks breathless. he is not yet overstimulated, he is just getting started.

"shut up." she chokes out, clearly focusing on reaching her peak and not wanting to be disturbed.

this time, instead of a moan of ecstasy, her mouth opens without any noise coming out. her eyes roll back, almost all the way, before her body starts twitching as waves of pleasure wash it over. her nails dig into his back, so deep that they pierce his skin and have him wincing in pain. then, her eyes roll back. and seonghwa stiffens.

dangerous red irises stare back at his yellow alert ones. the witcher instinctively reaches for the sword on his back, only to be met with emptiness. the figure below him gives him a wicked smile, with fangs on full display before latching herself onto his neck and piercing his skin once again.

fuck.

seonghwa didn't expect to be awoken in the bed he was in last night. truth be told, seonghwa didn't expect to be awake at all. however, when he tries to move and reach for his weapons that lay on the dresser next to the bed, strains prevent him. strains on both his wrists and ankles. the blinds are blocking the morning sun, keeping the woman who sat in front of the mirror safe. for now.

"why am i alive?"

she looks at him through the mirror, smile dancing on her lips. she runs a comb through her hair and removes the golden pins in the process. "good morning, little witcher."

"let me go."

"well, since you asked so nicely." she rolls her eyes, standing up from the chair and approaching the bed. the green dress is replaced by rags seonghwa usually saw in the war destroyed villages of velen. all of her jewelry sits on the dresser in front of the mirror, including the headpiece that drove seonghwa crazy last night. "come to think of it, i never got to return the favor. you were so eager to fuck me."

he doesn't have to question, because she gives him the answer by running her nails up his thigh and to his crotch. "stop that."

"your cock says otherwise, slayer." when seonghwa doesn't respond to her touch, she huffs. "boring. well, off i go. you better not go anywhere while i'm gone."

seonghwa had many questions on his mind. he didn't know which one to ask first. and he didn't know whether or not he will get a truthful answer. or an answer at all. after all, this was the higher vampire he had a contract on. how foolish of him to leave that medallion in his pocket instead of around his neck. it would've vibrated the moment she laid her hand on his armored chest, and she would've been dead by now.

"isn't mathilda going to question this... situation?" he looks at the ropes holding him to the bed.

"mathilda doesn't care what happens during the day. she only needs the rooms free at night. this room is mine, and i can use it however i please."

"why are you dressed like that?"

"as if you haven't stumbled upon false beggars by now. please, seonghwa." she straightens her rags, and glances at herself in the mirror once again. "you think of us monsters so lowly. like we are stupid. thing is, you're not that different. you're not a human. you're just a mutant."

seonghwa hums, unamused. "it's daylight. how will you go out?"

"there's shades in this city. plenty of them. now, be a good little witcher and stay here." she plants a kiss on his forehead, then turns to leave.

but the witcher is quicker, and grabs her by the rags and tosses on the bed. while he was questioning her, he managed to free one hand from the ropes with his teeth. her eyes turn red again, anger evident on her face.

"silly witcher." her teeth are quick to sink into his flesh again, causing seonghwa to growl with pain. she slurps on his hot blood, moaning in the process, the scent and taste of iron giving her bigger pleasure than anything else. when she pulls away, she has a look of victory and proud on her face. right until seonghwa smirks.

"true. i do think you are stupid." she steps away from him, suddenly feeling dizzy. while stepping back, her shoe kicks something on the floor, causing it to shatter. an empty potion bottle.

"what- what have you done?"

the witcher then frees his other hand, and reaches for his silver sword while the vampire tries to decipher just what he did to her. she gets her answer when she looks at herself in the mirror, veins prominent and pitch black. shaky hands hurriedly get rid of the rags and expose her body. he drank a potion to poison his blood because he knew she'd drink again. her eyes catch a glimpse of the shiny silver through the mirror, and she is quick to dodge it and jump on the bed.

the cut off and untied ropes hang uselessly from the bed frame. or maybe not completely useless. "how should i kill you?"

"no, please." the young woman sits against the bed frame, knees pulled to her chest and hands hugging them in defense. "please."

"i am doing you a favor by asking. silver..." he holds the shiny sword up, runestones making the marks green and match the dress on the floor. "or gold." he points to the balcony door with blinds. a ray of sun has managed to break through, lighting up the medallion that now rests on his chest, vibrating and alerting to danger.

"please." she begs. "i just want to live. we just want to live."

"so does the folk. and you don't let them."

her teary eyes don't work on seonghwa this time. they only make him angrier. she used him. and he fell for it. he was angrier with himself for allowing a woman's seducing to work on him like that. if she were a sorceress, he'd understand. he cannot escape the strong grip of magic. but a vampire? all these years of work and training seemed for nothing. he only hopes geralt doesn't find out about this.

"i don't kill. i just feed!"

"you feed on women and children."

"children are just weak. and those women weren't worth anything! their husbands would come and fuck me, and then offer their wives to me!" she then gets on her knees, hands in a pleading motion. "please, witcher. you kill to survive. so do i."

"no."

in a few seconds, the young woman is bound to the bed, hissing and growling at the witcher as he approaches the balcony door.

"i kill to save people. you kill to save yourself."

with that, he pulls the blinds, allowing the sun to enlighten the room and the nude figure on the bed.

"your kind will no longer torment people. i won't stop until i've killed the last one of you vampires, hags, wraiths and ghouls. i exist for the sole purpose of exterminating you. and that is what i'll do. even if it takes all my life."

the vampire is in no position to form any sentences, body seething and glowing under the morning yellow sun. the witcher is unfazed, already used to it. he calmly puts his armor back on, puts the weapons on his back, and gives the vampire a final glance before going downstairs to sign the contract and collect his reward.

[therainbowdragoness]

Witchers On Halloween

Wolf School Edition

They all dress up to the same theme but all have different ideas of what that theme should look like.

Let’s say their theme is Vampires, right? You got Eskel who picks the actually scary, practical looking vampire, one they’d encounter actually on the path…

Geralt doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing so he gets help from Jaskier (who looks fabulous btw) and Regis, who lets him copy his style, maybe lends him some clothes…

Then you have Lambert who went for a cross between the 80’s rocker looking vampire and the sexy fishnets/high heels and tight black gowns kind of vampire. He may have a matching hat as well, and the whole outfit is mainly to spite Papa Ves…

Speaking of which, the patriarch of Kaer Morhen can absolutely be the tame, not so scary grandpa type at Halloween and hand out candy to the kids and all but he’s never lost his love for pranking/scaring people as well, so he has a main costume and a scarier, secret mask or something no one knows about hidden away for later when the boys walk back through the door.

Ciri goes full bloody, terrifying vampire whether she’s with Calanthe or the wolves for Halloween. It doesn’t matter.

[shy-urban-hobbit]

Jaskier retreated from the main hall. Leaving the remaining Wolves to see to their injured and dead and readying himself for another night tucked away in his wreck of a room, determined to stay out of the way after already having been largely ignored since his arrival and then shoved away by Lambert twice. He found himself wondering if he should count the first time, considering that he probably saved Jaskier’s life in the process? Probably not. The second time though was just plain spiteful. But then, he and Geralt had been travelling together for years and the white haired Witcher tolerated his casual affection at best – why else would it always be down to Jaskier to initiate when he'd seen the Witcher freely hug and give causal touches to Ciri and Yen multiple times?

He swallowed down his self pity as he realised he’d taken a wrong turn somewhere – he definitely didn’t recognise that particular crack in the wall.

“Fuck.” He sighed as he slumped against the wall. Part of him wondered if he should maybe be feeling a little more panicked about this turn of events, considering he’d been warned that some parts of the Keep were unsafe (whilst neglecting to tell him which parts. So that was incredibly fucking useful). Then again, it wasn’t exactly like he’d be missed, even if the Wolves weren’t currently preoccupied with the aftermath of a possessed princess unleashing almost literal Hell. He closed his eyes and rest his head against the freezing stone. Sod it, this was just as out of the way as anywhere else. He’d try and get his bearings in an hour or two.

“Jaskier. Jaskier!”

Jaskier jerked awake at the shout of his name, squinting at the sun through the window, surprised by how little time had actually passed.

Geralt barrelled around the corner just as he was trying to shake some of the stiffness out of his shoulders, the Witcher looking panic-stricken as he practically ran to the Bard, “Jaskier.”

“Geralt, what’s wrong? Has something else happened with Ciri? Has Yen’s chaos - oh!” He was cut off as Geralt pulled him to his chest, wrapping his arms around him tightly and effectively trapping the Bard’s own between their torsos as he hid his face in Jaskier’s shoulder, “Fuck. Geralt, talk to me. What’s happened?”

“I couldn’t find you.”

Jaskier gave an eloquent “Huh?” at that, “Geralt, did you hit your head and not say anything again? You did find me. You broke me out of prison, remember?”

He felt Geralt shake his head, “No. Just now. You weren’t in the hall, or where Yen showed me you’d been sleeping or anywhere else I checked. I thought something had happened to you and none of us had noticed. I hadn’t noticed.” He pulled his face away, allowing Jaskier to fully look at him, “You scared me.”

Jaskier lowered his eyes, ‘Congratulations Julian. Yet another fuck up.’

“I’m sorry. I thought it’d be better for everyone if I stayed out the way.”

“No, Jaskier.” Large fingers tilted his chin up until sky blue met molten yellow, “I’m sorry. For pushing you away on the mountain, for keeping you at arms length here, for how the others have treated you.”

“I don’t think you have much control over the last one to be fair.”

“Yes, I do. Ciri made me realise I should have set them right as soon as I arrived back. She gave Lambert an earful for shoving you like he did after his injuries had been checked over.”

Jaskier gave a brief smile at that before the mood turned serious again, “Can I ask why though?”

“Hmm?”

“I thought we were ok after you trusted me to escort Ciri and then you just acted as if I were invisible. what did I do wrong?” He couldn’t stop the tears blurring his vision, “I know I can be too much. I was too much when we were together, I see that now and I want to try and fix things. Stop being so, well, me. But I can’t when I don’t even know what I did between the prison and here to make you angry at me again.”

Geralt looked at him like Jaskier had just been the one to sucker punch him, “You did nothing Jaskier, you never did. I acted as I did because, well, you terrified me. Still do.”

Jaskier gave a wet laugh, “I seem to be making a habit of that today.”

“I mean it.” Geralt continued, “You shoehorned yourself alongside me and you were – are – so full of life and joy and light. I wanted to keep you for myself. Something I’ve never felt so strongly before, not for Yen, not for Renfri. I wanted to know you completely and be known in return and that realisation scared me more than any monster I’ve faced. I didn’t know how to let you in like that, so I pushed you away.”

In a moment of bravery (or perhaps madness), he brushed his lips against Jaskier’s forehead, hearing the Bard’s breath catch, “You’re not the one who needs to change, Jaskier. You never were. I just don’t know how to start, but I’ll try. For you and Ciri and Yen.”

“My darling Witcher, you already have changed.” Jaskier, squirmed until he was able to loop his arms around Geralt’s waist, finally returning the embrace, “You and Yen are able to be in the same room and act like actual adults, you finally took responsibility for Ciri, and as for me-“ Jaskier gave Geralt’s waist a squeeze, “You do realise this is the first time you’ve hugged me first?”

Geralt brushed his lips against Jaskier’s brow again, firmer this time, “First of many. If you’ll allow it.”

“Always.”

[artistsfuneral]

Saw you were looking for some Witcher A/B/O stuff. Not sure what your ships are (responded before I scrolled through your profile) but how do you think the mutagens affect secondary gender? If there’s no change what do you think each of the wolf Witchers would be?

the only pairing I don't write is Yennefer/ (simply bc I can't relate to her, we're very different people, so I suck at not making her too ooc) and Ciri/Roche (entirely out of spite, I think it's funny)

and that is such an amazing question! and I don't have one true opinion about it 😂😂

with mutagens there's always the questions whether they enhance or dull something, and canon wise the mages obviously tried to enhance the useful stuff (like a witcher's senses) and tried to dull the stuff that would getcin the way (emotions for example)

I guess it would entirely depend on how useful the secondary gender is in that au (and that's usually based on a porn to world building ratio) 😂

one thing I have never seen before in a fic tho is the explanation that witchers do have secondary genders but don't have heats/ruts because they're steril - which I personally believe to be such an interesting topic becausw there's so many (angsty, hurt/comfort) ways this could go?

and sure steril can mean a lot of different things but it should at leeeaast have some consequences regarding hormones - which almost every a/b/o fic is basically about - and now that I am thinking about it: Cat crazy? Could just be hormonal imbalance? Hmmmmh I have to add that to my wip list, don't I? 😂🫣

(also my pet peeve: omegas that go through heats and still have a working reproductive system should technically get their period - I have NEVER seen that before either (understandable for the porn fics, but for world building heavy fics??) outrageous, what even are you cramping for???) 😐

I also have no strict opinion on the secondary genders of the main fanfic cast 😂 I just like to mash them up in ways that work with the story and their dynamics, so there's:

a!Geralt, o!Jaskier and a!Jaskier and o!Geralt

three omegas, one alpha or three alphas, one omega

a really good, balanced a/b/o mix (usually with Eskel as the beta, or another wolf witcher from the background character list)

Vesemir being an absolute wild card (meaning his gender is kept secret and everyone is speculating about it)

bare with me: o!Vesemir and a!Lambert with b!Eskel and Geralt (platonically or romantically, this is such an interesting dynamic I think bc there's just so much potential for conflict)

and outside of porn I think Ciri should always be an alpha, I can't really see an omega or beta in canon Ciri

also Aiden? wildcard #2 - he's always what Lambert needs most in thag fic 😂

[schroedingerscatisgay]

Welcome To My Corner Of Crazy

My name is Jax, they/he/she, I'm a 40 year old queer who has been on and off this hellsite since the early 2010s, mostly in various RPCs.

I have seen things. I watched the birth of SuperWhoLock. I remember Mishapocalypse. I was around for the Ball Pit. I stole my shoelaces from the President.

I have seen things.

I'm mostly going to use this blog to put my fandom bullshit and post my fanfics. I'm not here for ship wars, I'm not here for popularity, I'm just here to cry about old men and their boyfriends.

Main ships right now:

Emmrich x Lucanis x Spite (Dragon Age)

Astarion x Gale (Baldur's Gate 3)

Geralt x Jaskier (The Witcher, mostly Netflix)

Minors and bigots please do not interact. You will be blocked on sight.

Under the cut are links to my various RP blogs with varying levels of activity, as well as a link to my AO3.

Archive Of Our Own Account

Ship specific side blogs

skullsandfeathers - Emmrich x Lucanis side blog

RP Blogs

Canons: | emmrich volkarin | lucanis dellamorte | | gale dekarios | astarion ancunin | | geralt of rivia | jaskier pankratz |

OCs: | hakiem ingellvar | tryck | gem |

[corvusregards]

Independent RP blog for the Antivan Crows from Dragon Age; The Veilguard

Main Muses: Lucanis Dellamorte and Spite *all asks sent from this blog are from Lucanis unless otherwise stated

Request Muses: Illario Dellamorte, Viago de Riva, Andarateia Cantori, Caterina Dellamorte

Highly Selective, Mutuals Only written and loved by jax

Dossier/Verses || Memes || NSFW Memes

heavily affiliated with the bottoms to my tops @taleswritten

mains:

@viscountbard, @dicethrow,

@thedasguarded

blog roll:

Canons: | emmrich volkarin | lucanis dellamorte | | astarion ancunin | gale dekarios | | jaskier pankratz | geralt of rivia |

OCs: | hakiem ingellvar | tryck | gem |

Rules Below Cut

Mutuals only

Non-Exclusive

Don't be a dick

Mun does not equal muse.

Mun is a 40 year old elder millenial queer (they/them) with 0 tolerance for bigots and content police.

Personal/fandom blogs are welcome, I just ask you don't reblog my RP threads. Liking or commenting on them is okay. If you take anything from my headcanons, please just give me credit.

I run a lot of blogs so activity will be sporadic but you can always come to me on discord if we're mutuals.

Call out and purity culture are not welcome here

Triggering content will be written, I will try to tag it the best I can. Please let me know/remind me if you need something tagged.

Triggering content will include things such as sex, drugs, violence, gore, repressed trauma, mental illness, and death. This will be tagged with "tw" and the word, as with most other triggers. If something needs to be tagged for a specific trigger, let me know. I don't always remember who needs what tagged.

I do not RP any of the subject matter above with underage muses

Smut will not be under a read more unless the other writer prefers read mores, it will all be tagged nsfw or nsfw ish

SMUT IS NOT EXPECTED FOR INTERACTION. While I love writing the subject matter, I know not everyone does. I will never force it and do not expect it, especially if it's in your rules. Light spice/suggestive themes, time skips and fade-to-black are absolutely fine if that is your comfort.

Smut will NOT HAPPEN WITH UNDERAGE MUSES. Most of my muses are in their 30s or older, some in their later 20s. I will not have any of them involved with muses under 18 unless is it a purely platonic and/or familial relationship.

I do write abo/omegaverse things on this blog. I will tag such threads and content as "abo verse" for people to blacklist.

I love, love, love shipping, but I never expect a ship. However, many of my muses are very flirty and easily fall in love, and I won't change that about them. I am all for unrequited love and unreciprocated feelings in interactions, just realize it is never to try and force a ship. That being said, if you want to ship, just let me know! I'm pretty open about any and all ships, crackships, cross-ships, toxic ships, familial, platonic life partners... all of the ships.

Muses are sporadic and subject to change

My length may vary but I typically find it hard to limit myself to less than 3-4 paragraphs. I never expect length 100% of the time, but I do appreciate effort in replies and find it easier to reply to at least a paragraph or two.

Activity can be selective, please be patient and realize I write with the flow of the muse

If you have issue with me or my mains, please just block and move on. I do not support drama, I do not support legitimately harmful people, and I do not support witch hunts for written content

[fandom-junk-drawer]

The Witcher Headcanon (Modern Au) - Error 404 Brain Not Found: Bonus Scene - Part 19

Yennefer knew she probably should have shoved Jaskier away when she saw him coming. He looked a little hesitant, and was that melancholy she could feel through their mental link?

Yennefer's brain insisted that she should be cautious, because, come on, it was Jaskier! He'd been f***ing with her all morning.

He's up to something! Remember how he smashed your face in your cereal at breakfast, threw that beetle at you, stole your snack cake out of your hand, licked your toothbrush, and gave you a Wet Willie!

Yennefer wanted to be suspicious, but Jaskier was hovering at the other end of the couch, looking at her with those f***ing soulful eyes.

H*e, don't do it!

Jaskier moved closer, fidgeted, then looked at Yennefer with those sad eyes and asked in a soft , hesitant voice, "Yen...can I have a hug?"

Geralt, sitting in the recliner, knew something was up, but said nothing. Maybe Jaskier really did just need a hug. He looked a little tense. Perhaps he was still feeling a little dejected after having that one conversation with Madeleine a few weeks ago.

Yennefer looked for a moment as if she was going to brush him off, but then she looked into his eyes and crumbled.

Godsd*mnit! Why did he have to be so f***ing pretty?

She held her arms out to him, and Jaskier sat himself across her lap, pulling his arms in close, and tucking his head under her chin. Yennefer pulled him in a little closer and felt him snuggle down.

He was quiet for a few moments, and then...

*Loud sound of a balloon deflating*

Geralt started laughing along with Jaskier as Yennefer squawked in disgust and shoved him off her lap.

"You're so gross!"

"Ugh, I think I just go pink eye from that!"

"Hheeuurrgkh! F**--huwarrgh! -- that reeks!"

"What the h*ll is it with you guys and farting?"

"Farts are funny!" Jaskier replied, getting up off the floor.

"If you're 5!"

"No, he's right, farts are funny." Geralt interjected, "Listen," he took a breath, pressed his palms to his cheeks, heels of his hands touching, and blew. There was a short, dry flapping sound.

Jaskier and Geralt immediately devolved into giggles.

"Listen to this one!" Jaskier laughed, then raised his hands to his face and made a rolling bubbling noise.

Yennefer sat on the couch, bewildered, as two grown-a** men went back and forth, making fart noises with their hands.

*tight cheeked snapper*

*rolling thunder*

*a** blaster*

*cheeky warbler*

*loose a**hole whistle*

*tiny squeaker*

*intermittent popper*

*gusty windstorm*

*intestine shaker*

Yennefer found herself laughing at some of the noises, in spite of her best efforts to remain the sole adult in the room. It was hard when a huge, hulking Witcher made a fart noise that was a delicate FffwEEEEp!

The demonstration turned into a competition to see who could make the loudest, longest, grossest sounding fart.

It was an hour or so of simulated intestinal noises.

Jaskier was winning Longest Fart due to his years of training for breath control and lung capacity.

Geralt was better at Grossest Fart, because he had larger hands with more surface area. And he wasn't afraid to add a little spit to his hands for more range of sound.

Jaskier, not about to be out done, switched tactics, pressing his mouth to the inside of his elbow. The effect was a loud, long, undulating thbbbbbbppppttttttt! He tried to hold it as long as he could but broke off with a snort, doubling over with laughter.

Geralt was determined to win, and jammed his hands tightly into position, took a deep breath, then blew. Hard. His face turned red from the effort as he forced the air out of his mouth and into his hands.

There was a very loud, very wet burbling sound.

Jaskier fell backwards onto the couch next to Yennefer, where he clung to her as they both howled and and cackled.

"That sounded f***ing juicy!" Yennefer cackled.

Jaskier was wiping tears out of his eyes when he noticed that Geralt wasn't laughing. In fact, he was standing there frozen, a look of horror flashing across his face.

There was stunned silence. Jaskier looked at Yennefer, then at Geralt, his eyes wide.

Yennefer: "Did you just?"

Geralt: *vague 'hmm'*

Yennefer: "You just sh*t yourself, didn't you."

Geralt: *awkward silence*

Yennefer: "You should probably-!"

Geralt: "I need to go change my pants..." *shuffles quickly upstairs*

As Geralt made his escape, Jaskier called after him from the foot of the stairs, "You're way over 40, Geralt! You should know better than to trust a fart!"

[fangirleaconmigo]

Lol, you JUST said you wanted to do a deep dive into Jaskier independent of Geralt as I was finishing this ask... almost didn't send it, talk about timing 😅

But, if you're still up for it, I wanted to know if there was ever any moment in the books where Geralt had to choose between Yen and Dandelion, as in an argument or putting one's safety over the other in a dangerous situation. If so, did Dandelion ever stand a chance? I mean, Yen can probably defend herself better than the bard can, but is it ever as automatic as you've mentioned it is when she's not around? Or does everyone, best friend included, know there's not a hope in high heaven this dude will ever choose anyone over Yen (before Ciri came into the picture)? I mean, Ciri IS the ultimate trump card, daughter trumps everything!!! Good dad, Geralt, for the win!

I've noticed in the show they did a good job of making it clear Geralt is all Yen no matter what (prior to the Ciri incident), even if he's terrible at showing it like Yen needs/wants and just ends up hurting her with his fail wolf ways. We can even see this emphasized by how he takes out his hurt on Jaskier on the mountain; or how he only appears to go get him afterwards just to find out where she may have gone. Sure, Ciri is involved in why he's looking for her but talk about word association; "need Yen, use Jaskier to find her." Sure she mentioned seeing him to Geralt, but that just helps cheapen Geralt's intention to find Jaskier, not the fact that he constantly uses Jaskier to get closer to Yen.

The reverse isn't shown as much in the show, whenever Yen was in the scene, Geralt's focus was 100% on her and only her. Even during their first meeting, when Geralt says he's only going to save her because she helped Jaskier, he had already obviously showed he was drawn to her and he makes the decision to help in spite of Jaskier's protests. Sure, Mr. Hero doing the heroic shtick is not new. But it was obviously not necessary for his wish to do what it did for him to be heroic just then. Nope, that wish was clearly him allowing himself to be selfish for a moment and screwing things up immensely by not thinking things through.

As a purely TWN watcher, I have my own silly uneducated theories on why someone so self restrained (after learning the hard lesson that was Renfri and how being a witcher was akin to being a butcher) would allow themselves that moment of selfishness... and how it directly involves a certain bard almost dying... perhaps a theory further vindicated by his later unjust accusation atop a mountain, but I won't bore you.

The point is, Netflix Jaskier is barely on equal footing with Geralt, in that he is absolutely NOT portrayed as an equal or shown to be Geralt's equal in the witcher's own mind. First season he's barely a friend, he's a joke to everyone they encounter, and second season he suffered for Geralt and Ciri yet had more character relationship acknowledgement and growth with the witch rather than the witcher or the child surprise.

TWN Geralt doesn't look like he'd ever choose Jaskier over anyone else. Not due to their relationship, at least... Maybe due to him being innocent or defenseless while Geralt is pretending he's not playing at the hero. From what you've said, Book Geralt looks like he actually knows how to treat his friends and appears willing to show favoritism to his best friend, as necessary, in moments of tension or danger. Does that also apply with Yen or has it not come up?

Sorry it's so long 😱

Hello Nonny! I must apologize for taking so long to answer. I was off tumblr for a long time so now I'm going through my older asks. Thank you for the ask!

I believe this is maybe in response to my post about Geralt being protective of Dandelion and rescuing him first even when there are many other people around to rescue.

I don't think they reflect this often in the show. Geralt does help him after the djinn, obviously, and tries to defend him with Filavandrel, so it isn't like he doesn't try to help him. But of course their TWN dynamic does not even come close to matching what I've described at that link.

As far as comparing that to Yen? I don't think so. I can't think of any situation that has come up. I mean, Geralt worships Yen, and if anyone threatens to kill her, he will absolutely put them down. But she also is so incredibly powerful, more so than Geralt and Dandy put together, and Dandelion needs so much help, so to be honest they would probably both protect him first (well, second, if Ciri is around) instinctively, he's their squishy fragile regular ol human beloved.

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers! Spread the self-love 💞

Hello dear, that's so sweet of you to send this to me!

I admit, I did one of these just a week or so ago, so I was tempted to just let you know that. However, I realized upon reflection that I had only focused on my 9-1-1 fics, and I have written in other fandoms.

And so here we are! The five non-9-1-1 fics that I would say are my favorites, across five different fandoms.

Richie Tozier: Small Town Trash

Richie Tozier debuts his new routine after vanishing from the comedy scene.

To be honest, I think I could do this fic better five years later, but this was the time I sat down and, in spite of the fact that I was convinced I wasn't funny, wrote a stand up comedy routine (with some Easter eggs from actual comedy routines because I couldn't resist).

People actually thought this fic was funny, and enjoyed it, and this was the moment I realized that I might actually be able to pull off humor. So while I think I'm a lot better at it now, we all have to start somewhere, and I started here.

Defiance & Destiny

When Geralt of Rivia returns to England after a prolonged absence, he and Jaskier, an aspiring bard, are forced to confront the pride and prejudice that flung them apart. Meanwhile, Lady Yennefer of Vengerberg is beginning to wonder if there is more to life than being handsome, clever, and rich.

This is I think my least-popular Witcher fic, because it's very long and also has no smut, but I'm really genuinely proud of it. I have a great love for Jane Austen and worked hard to try and capture the tone and feel of her work while juggling a mashup of three different novel plots. It also puts Yennifer/Tissaia in the spotlight, a ship I love but sadly have written like, nothing for. Shame on me.

Confidence Trick

When police officer Wyatt Logan is tapped to go undercover and get information on the notorious Lucy Preston and Garcia Flynn, he expects it’ll be his toughest assignment yet. What he doesn’t expect is to fall for his marks—and the fallout that comes with it.

One of those rare fics where the inspiration and writing just flowed and the stars aligned. It's I think my best fic in this fandom, although there are a couple others that I think come close such as could twist the sinews of thy heart? and Are You Strong Enough to Stand. It's just really lovely when you feel that the fic you wrote on the page is as good as the one you pictured in your head.

Also I'm still really damn proud of the plot twist at the end. Heheheheheheh.

Untranslatable Shadows

There's only one thing worse than having to make your way through a booby-trapped dungeon, and that's making your way through a booby-trapped dungeon with Xenk Yendar. Unfortunately, that's exactly what Ed has to do to save the soul of his best friend. And extra unfortunately... Xenk might not even be the worst part of this whole thing. Nobody tell him.

I really like all of my Xedgin fics. I'm quite fond of this little ship and yes I swear I will finish the last one! I pinky promise! It was hard to choose just one of them since I actually feel they're all pretty equal in quality which is rare for me, but I ended up going with this one because I'm quite proud of how I adapted the infamous "Tomb of Horrors" dungeon for the fic. It was a lot of work going through the dungeon and deciding what to keep or remove and how to use it to support the character arcs and story, but it was also very fun and rewarding.

My Blood Will Feed Your Flowers (Your Flowers Will Soothe My Blood)

At the start of the new school year a horrifying development rattles both Enid and Wednesday and threatens big changes in their relationship. Oh and there's a serial killer running around too. Huh. Someone should probably do something about that.

Another T rated fic and another one starring some femslash! It's a miracle! This fic was a gift to a friend and was a very fun challenge for me. Writing teenagers is hard, guys. I also had to balance the horror and the humor of the TV series to nail the tone, and I tried hard to write this as if it was the second season of the show and so worked within those limitations. I like to think I succeeded, and I'm very fond of the result.

So there you have it! Five fics that might be a bit off the beaten path so to speak for most of my readers, but of which I am very fond. Thank you again for tagging me!

[thedemonofcat]

While drunk one night, Jaskier lets it slip that he’s in love with a witcher. Not only is he in love with a witcher, but that witcher also hates him.

Geralt is furious! Sure, Jaskier can be annoying sometimes, but to truly hate the bard and to reject his love?

It makes Geralt want to kill whoever this witcher is.

Eventually, Jaskier drifted into a drunken sleep, and Geralt carefully tucked him into bed. But sleep didn’t come so easily for the witcher. Instead, he sat in silence, replaying Jaskier’s slurred confession in his mind.

"I'm in love with a witcher, but he hates me."

There was only one logical course of action: figure out which of his brothers Jaskier was pining after.

Grabbing a piece of parchment, Geralt began what could only be described as an investigative list—though anyone else might have called it a hit list.

Lambert: They were both menaces. It wasn’t impossible. But also, Lambert was a prick.

Eskel: Out of all of them, Eskel had the most self-loathing. Maybe he’d tried to let Jaskier down gently, convinced he wasn’t worthy.

Vesemir: The thought alone made Geralt grimace. Jaskier would sleep with his father figure just to spite him. But Vesemir was old. Too old.

Geralt tapped the quill against the parchment, debating his next suspect, when a sleepy voice interrupted his train of thought.

"Come back to bed," Jaskier mumbled, barely coherent.

Geralt hesitated for only a moment before setting the quill aside. There were more important things to do than play detective. He returned to the bed with a quiet sigh, slipping in beside his bard.

[exitpursuedbyasloth]

(So I originally wrote the following in a reply to the post screencaped above. I wanted to reblog this as the S3B is premiering in a couple days and I have major concerns over this potential plot direction. However OP blocked me for my reply and I can’t, however they’re my words so I will repost them as I see fit. Including the original post for context only, and I added some additional clarifying comments.)

…that would be pretty terrible, ngl.

Canon Radovid (in the games, he’s like 12 at the end of the books, although his future turn is hinted at) turns genocidal towards sorceresses and other non-humans both for political power, but also because of the festering resentment of the abuse, manipulations, and wrongs he sees him and father suffer at the hands of the sorceress Phillipa and Dijkstra, including his father’s assassination by an elf at the behest of Phillipa. Phillipa controls him throughout his teenage years. That hate festers in him for years until he grows up, and instead of simply getting revenge on those who personally harmed him and his family, he decides the only way to rule was with an iron fist, and turned that fist against all sorceresses, witches, magic-users and non-humans (both because he hates/fears them, but also for political gain, as these things tend to go). He encourages the non-human hate, uses humans superior numbers to overwhelm and destroy groups of non-humans and magic users. He’s relatively militarily adept too. He made sure of that, because he wanted revenge against Phillipa even as a boy. I don’t think the show would abandon everything that makes Radovid Radovid (but then again, Eskel...), I don’t think he’s just going to be Some Guy. So his sadistic bigotry towards and genocide against all non-humans and (most) human magic-users will come into play at some point. And if it does, his relationship with Jaskier will HAVE to factor in somehow, that’s unavoidable at this point. But should this theory OP mentions come to pass (and there is a good chance it might, I have been concerned about this since it the news leaked of who Jaskier would be paired up with), that would mean the show made a conscious choice to have adult Radovid turn villain…cause his boyfriend dumped him? His boyfriend of like a couple months chose his family of 20+ years over him, and that was enough to make him lose it and just start stabbing everything? Or cause he was angry that Jaskier was using him as a shield because Phillipa was threatening him? And Radovid, a grown ass man, cannot handle this? This would put a homosexual relationship at the core of a xenophobic campaign of witch-burning, be the catalyst of it. And they would put that on Jaskier’s shoulders? Because he dumped Radovid?

Why? What does this do but add cheap angst where it wasn’t needed? There is no need to A.) Start Radovid’s xenophobic hate campaign 15 years early (they have so many world-spanning plots they already can’t write well, why add more?), and B.) connect it directly to someone in the main core cast by having them be the inciting incident for Radovid. That’s unnecessary, that doesn’t offer any narrative improvement to the story at all (FFS, the world is bigger than Geralt, Yenn, Ciri, and Jaskier). And is this the reason Jaskier is now canonically bisexual? Was that the only reason they did that, just to make him the casus belli of a genocide? That really would not be the kind of queer rep anyone should praise, and by god, does it feels downright spiteful.

And to be clear, I don’t think every queer story has to be all sunshine and happiness or perfectly positive (something I’ve been accused of when criticizing questionable writing of gay/bi characters in the past). But there is a vast ocean of difference between “Sunshine and perfection” and “Hey! Let’s change this catalyst for this genocide from ‘Paranoid Fascist takes what should have been a beef between him and like 5 people, and turns it into a full scale witch-burning industry and non-human genocide, for both political gain and cause he’s a paranoid xenophobic fascist’ to 'gay prince super bummed his boyfriend dumped him’, and let’s make sure we wait to show the boyfriend as canonically bisexual until the last possible second, just so people wonder if that’s the only reason we even bothered ”. A vast fucking ocean.

I’m fine with adaptational changes that add to or improve the canon material, or are just different but stand strongly on their own. But this? Would be a terrible miserable hateful idea, and is just cheap writing for forced angst (and I honestly would not put it past the Witcher writers, which is the worst part).

How is this good? How would this an improvement? What does this add? How does this stand on it’s own? Why would they take a bloody campaign of witch-burning and genocide that had a believable catalyst already, and retcon it happening because of The Gays? Cause a dude dumped another dude? If they did this, the writers would have to consciously make the choice to change the catalyst of the genocide to ‘a gay guy was like super bummed that his boyfriend left him for a Witcher’. Do y'all see what that looks like?

[writtenmisfics]

A side blog to my Multimuse RP blog, @writtenmisfits where I cry about fictional characters and smoosh them together with other people. On this bog I will also be crying and smooshing fictional characters together all on my own when the mood strikes me.

LINK TO MY AO3

Current Obsessions:

Jaskier/Geralt/Yennefer (pairings and ot3)

Astarion/Gale

Astarion/Durge

Emmrich/Lucanis/Spite

Emmrich/Mourn Watch Rook

Lucanis/Crow Rook

General Rules Below

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Triggers will be tagged, but this is a dead dove do not eat zone. Content will include sexual, violent, and taboo subjects that are not everyone's cup of tea. If you don't like what you read, even after it has been tagged, please just block and move on.

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If you wanna collaborate hit me up! I'm just kind of delving into this fanfiction writing thing, though I've been basically writing fanfic in RP for decades.

My name is Jax, I'm a 40 year old millennial queer (they/them) with absolutely no tolerance for bigotry and drama. I do everything I can to protect my peace and the peace of my friends. Please be respectful and considerate and we can all get along.

[shy-urban-hobbit]

Jaskier and Lambert learn they have more in common than first thought.

CW historical abuse, child abuse, beating.

Jaskier silently ground his teeth in agitation as Lambert kicked off again, saying something about the little Lordling not liking hard work when Jaskier collapsed at one of the long tables after spending the couple of hours before dinner helping them repair one of the walls (typically, the three Wolves hadn’t even broken a sweat). People underestimated how thick a skin you needed as a Bard, but even Jaskier could only take so much and Lambert was relentless. Geralt had imparted the usual, trite advice of ‘ignore him and he’ll get bored’. Unfortunately, whilst Jaskier may have succeeded in keeping his mouth shut in the name of civility, his emotions were doing all the talking for him and the scent of Jaskier’s hurt and annoyance only seemed to spur Lambert on. If the sneer on his face was any indication, he could tell the Bard was nearing the end of his tether.

“Give it a rest Lambert.” Eskel growled warningly, “It’s been four days. If Jaskier’s not had enough of your shit by now, the rest of us have.”

“Not my fault. Maybe next time Geralt should bring somebody who didn’t have such a spoilt, cushy upbringing.”

And there went the remnants of Jaskier’s self control. He stood up quickly enough to tip the bench, turning to Lambert with a snarl of his own. The Wolf smirked in return at having finally gotten a reaction.

“Let me show you how cushy I had it.” Jaskier scoffed. Before any of the others could react, he turned his back and lifted his shirt. The tension in the room switched from uncomfortable to stifling as the Witchers took in the sight of the Bard’s bare back. Raised scars from both whip and belt crisscrossed his flesh, some of them showing the outline of a buckle.

“My father wasn’t a very nice person.” Jaskier said dryly, “First time he took his belt to me was because I was laughing too much. I was six.”

Geralt felt a wall of ice slam into his gut as he thought back on all the times he’d told Jaskier to shut up, manhandled him. That time he’d actually punched him....

Jaskier lowered his shirt, “Now, if you’ll excuse me. I’ll be in my ivory tower.”

“Jaskier-“

“Don’t. Just...don’t.”

As soon as Jaskier was out of sight, Eskel rounded on the youngest Wolf, “You never learn. You always have to take shit too far.” He snarled.

“How was I to know?” Lambert bit back, “Geralt, you’re the one who’s been travelling with him for years. Why the fuck didn’t you say anything?”

“I... didn’t know.” Geralt said truthfully. All things considered, it was rare he saw the bard shirtless and when he did, Jaskier always made sure to stay facing Geralt. Even here at Kaer Morhen he was always the first one in and the last one out of the hot springs, “He never put his back to me.”

“And that didn’t seem strange to you?”

“Not turning your back is one of the first things they drilled into us here, so no.”

“Oh, for fucks sake.”

Jaskier sat at the top of one of the more stable towers, swinging his feet idly in the open air below him and occasionally swigging from the half bottle of wine he’d retrieved from his room on the way up.

He was half aware of someone sitting next to him, spite and petulance making him continue to stare ahead rather than turn to see who.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before his mystery companion spoke up.

“My old man was always careful not to leave any lasting marks. Nothing that couldn’t be explained away by our own clumsiness.” Lambert said, taking a swig of his own bottle.

“Hmm, mine was determined to make sure the lessons stuck. Apparently I was a slow learner.”

“He still living?”

Jaskier shook his head, “Died not long before I met Geralt. Yours?”

“Died decades ago, probably. I swear, if I knew where he was buried - if he was buried. It’d be more than he deserved - I’d go and piss on his grave.”

“I actually did that. It’s not as gratifying as you’d think.”

That startled a laugh out of Lambert, Jaskier giving a small chuckle back.

“To arsehole Sires.” Lambert said with mock solemnity, holding his bottle out to Jaskier.

“May they enjoy eternity in the deepest pits of Hell.” Jaskier replied with equal gravity, knocking his own against Lambert’s in a toast.

They sat drinking and watching the sun disappear behind the mountain tops, each of them lost in their own memories. When the night time chill started to descend, Lambert silently offered a now slightly tipsy Jaskier a hand up. Jaskier wordlessly accepted.

[fangirlwithanxiety]

I know it’s been said before, but I’ll say it again:

There is something so inherently funny about the way that Yennefer and Geralt have, at this point in twn, both looked at one (1) idiot bard and decided, ok, but he’s my idiot bard.

Likewise, Jaskier took one look at these two (2), extremely powerful and frightening people who are the best at what they do, and thought yeah, I’m just going to insert myself into their lives and never leave!