#james potter would shun me

[bowiesawizardmoony]

i hit a deer with my car last night bc i live in bum fuck nowhere and it’s hunting season but anyway i cried for 30 minutes, NOT OVER HOW I FUCKED UP MY CAR BUT BC JAMES POTTER WOULD BE SO UPSET AT ME!!! LIKE HE WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME

anyway my friend is concerned <3

[empress-simps]

James Potter Dating Sirius’ Younger Sister (Head Canons)

Note: These are just random stuff, it has been sitting in my notes app for a month or so? Enjoyy

Oh boy, you are in for a wild ride; just imagine all the chaos this would bring. Best believe you always have a stupid prank to worry about around the corner when your brother and boyfriend are pranksters.

You were a year younger than Sirius, being the middle child, and Regulus the youngest, it wasn’t surprising that you were kind of shunned by Walburga and Orion. You’re a girl, you cannot pass the Black family name onto your children, you were also not the heir. Luckily, big brother Sirius quickly took you under his wing and became the parent figure in your life.

You were sorted into Slytherin, along with Regulus much to your older brother’s dismay.

He threw a fucking fit and practically felt his soul leave his body the first time you told him. Sirius even went as far as tearing up and looking out the window, defeated. (And quite dramatically)

“You should’ve been a Gryffindor, Y/n! I don’t even know why the sorting hat put you in that evil house!” Sirius huffed, pouting.

“Regulus is also in the same house as me, brother.”

“Well it was quite obvious that he was meant to be a Slytherin, Regulus has a stick up his a-“

Although the Marauders mainly pranks the Slytherin students, you were an exception. How could Sirius prank his adorable little sister? You don’t deserve it! (also because James is a tad bit overprotective when it comes to you, Sirius just chalks it up as James being respectful to his younger sibling.)

“Siri, please don’t make Reggie suffer too much.” You plead to your older brother, puppy eyes activating as you heard their plans to set a nasty prank to slytherin students earlier. Sirius’ features soften, “Alright, I’ll talk to James. He’ll be the one to decide.” He pats your head, already formulating an apology for the prank he’s sure will not be cancelled.

James has been harboring feelings ever since he saw you on the train ride to Hogwarts with Sirius in his second year, so it was quite obvious what his opinion is on the matter.

Sirius randomly starts later that evening, “Prongs, Y/n was asking if you could exempt Regulus in our prank-“

“Oh don’t worry I’ll cancel it.”

Peter sputters “You’ll what?”

James looked at them “What? Let’s give them a day off.” Remus did a double take and actually sets his book down after placing his book mark. Yeah, that's how you know it's serious.

“We’ve been planning this for months-“

“Did I stutter, Wormtail?”

The hold you had on James though, seriously.

James Potter is whipped for Y/n Black.

You want some food that the house elves didn't prepare for dinner? Don't worry, James is on the case! He will run to the kitchens and bribe the house elves to make you some of your favorite dishes and what you're craving.

“What’s with the long face, princess?” Sirius asks, seeing you slump down next to him, looking quite defeated.

“Just some housemates, I couldn’t study well because of them.” You grumbled, pulling out your Herbology textbook and trying to focus.

Prongs frowned, snapping him out of his daydreams (which were probably about you.)

“Who?”

James want names.

Who dared interrupt his sweet girl’s (still not his girl though but we don’t talk about that) study session?!

Remus, being the observant sod he is, looks at Prongs, amusement swimming in his eyes as he takes in James’ angry and protective form.

Remus and Peter already has a hunch that Prongs fancy Padfoot’s little sister like… about a few months or so?

James doesn’t really even try to hide it, although it was one of the greatest unsolved mysteries on how Sirius still hasn’t figured it out.

“You reckon Padfoot’s just playing dumb? Even an oaf could see Prongs making heart eyes at Y/n.” Peter stated, snacking on some chocolate frogs as he sat on his bed.

Remus rolled his eyes, also sitting in his bed at their dorm room. The boys in conversation were in their quidditch practice. “He’s quite thick, I bet he wouldn’t even know until they started dating.”

“But Y/n’s innocent- doesn’t even know how lovesick James is.”

Peter was utterly wrong about that part.

You know that James likes you, although you try to ignore it, you can’t.

Because you like him back.

“Go out with me?”

You felt yourself blanch, hearing the familiar cheeky voice behind you.

You nearly broke your neck as you spun around to see James holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers while sporting a nervous smile.

“Does my brother know this?”

“Do you think I’d still be here alive when I tell him I’m utterly in love with his younger sister?”

Sirius almost busted a blood vessel when he found out.

Remus had to physically restrain him from lunging at James.

Yea sure, Sirius views James as his brother from another mother BUT BROTHER-IN-LAW?

“Bloody hell, Pads! Calm your balls down!” Remus grunts, back hugging the boy as he desperately tries to wriggle out of his mate’s grasp.

“No! Let me go, Moony! I just want to have a chat with Prongs!”

“Chat my ass! You were about to bloody knock the living daylights out of him earlier!”

It took a while for Sirius to wrap his head around how one of his brother-from-another-mother fancies his younger sibling.

He won’t lie, he felt betrayed by James for a short amount of time. He distanced himself (for a day, lol) but of course, he couldn’t stay mad at James.

Realistically speaking? James and Remus are the ones who are good enough to date you for Sirius.

“Do you love him?”

Sirius approached you one time in a random hallway. Youwere caught off guard with his question. You never saw your brother serious like that before.

“Sirius, what are you talking about?” You tried to feign innocence, but Sirius saw through that.

“James. I know he fancies you. Have you been shagging-“

You quickly clamped Sirius’ mouth with your hand, looking at your surroundings to check if anyone heard what he said.

“Salazar’s balls, brother! I still have my virtue!” You hissed, “Besides, I’m saving it for marriage.” You told him, making his tense shoulders relax.

“Atleast there’s something good that came out of those boring lectures Walburga taught us.”

“I am not a whore like you, brother.” You snickered, a playful smirk present on your face as Sirius slowly processed what you said.

“Why you little-“

It would take some adjustments for Sirius as he slowly takes in the fact that you and James started dating.

It doesnt help the fact that James always proclaims his undying love for you every chance he gets, which is every time.

Although, before he even asks you to be his girl, he talked to Sirius first, asking for his blessing.

Who is Sirius to deny his little sister and Prong’s happiness?

“I just love her so much…” James sighs dreamily, watching you from the Gryffindor table as you ate in silence beside Regulus, who was uncomfortable and tries to shield you from James’ looks (which he finds creepy).

Sirius can feel his eye twitch.

“Can you stop that Prongs? Just say that to her when you’re alone in a room.”

James frowned, “But you don’t allow us to be alone-“

“Exactly, Prongs. I don’t care if she’s your girlfriend—wife even. She’s my younger sister.”

James perked up, “So you’re alright with her being my wife?!”

Hogsmeade dates with James always.

“Honey, you don’t have to get me that necklace.”

He would buy you anything and everything you land your eyes upon more than 1.5 seconds.

He frowns, looking like a kicked puppy. “But you were staring at it!”

“It just crossed my line of vision-“

James certainly went back and secretly bought it for you.

No one can stop him when it comes to spoiling you.

Effie and Fleamont absolutely adores you.

“So, when is the wedding?” Effie smiled, looking at you and James expectantly

Cue Sirius choking in the background.

You blushed as James cleared his throat awkardly, a beet red blush already dusting his cheeks. “Mum…”

Effie blinks, acting innocent. “What? You guys are about to graduate from Hogwarts in… three months or so!”

Your family found out about the relationship.

Walburga’s stinging slap was marked on your cheek. “Have we taught you nothing, girl?!”

Regulus watched worriedly from the side, feeling helpless as Walburga continued to shout and curse at you.

“You good for nothing brat! I should’ve married you off ages ago! To think you’d turn out to be your older brother… Leave! And never come back as you will be no longer welcomed in the house of black!”

Regulus begged to take him with you.

Having nowhere else to go, you knocked on the door of the Potter Manor tiredly, holding your suitcase and Regulus looking around nervously.

Sirius was the one who answered the door.

“she hit you…” James muttered lowly, softly placing his warm hands on your cheek.

“It’s nothing, James.” You shrugged.

“We’ve suffered worse. I’m sure you’ve known that by now.” Regulus told him quietly, not looking up from his cup of warm tea before his eyes flickered to Sirius.

From that moment on, everything seemed to be better.

You’re happy to get out of the abusive household. Bringing Regulus with you, being reunited with your older brother, and hanging out with your boyfriend anytime you want.

Finally graduated from Hogwarts, James decided to pop the question.

“Padfoot..? You in there?” James nervously knocked on Sirius’ bedroom door.

“In here, Prongs! Hold on.” James heard shuffling before the door opened to reveal Sirius rubbing his eyes, seemingly woken up from a nap. He opened the door to let James in his room.

Sirius eyes him, noticing how fidgety one of his best friends are, his mind assumed the worst.

“I swear to Merlin, Prongs. If you got her pregnant and don’t plan to be responsible for it I’ll-“

James sputters, “What?! No! No one’s having a baby!”

Sirius visibly relaxed, “Then what’s gotten you looking so troubled?”

James pulls out a velvet box from his pocket and opened it to reveal an engagement ring.

“Erm… I’m not Y/n, Prongs.”

Cue a face palm from James, “I’m planning to marry your sister, not you, Pads. I’m asking for your blessing.”

Sirius didn’t think twice before giving him his blessing.

Which was why he and Regulus were dragged alongside Remus and Peter to plan a prefect surprise proposal.

“No no, it’s a bit crooked on the right.” James told Regulus, who was setting up the picnic blanket.

“Sirius, remind me again why I have decided to help this stupidly nervous sod?” He deadpanned to his brother.

“It’s for Y/n, Reggie.”

Regulus frowns, scrunching up his nose as he watches James run around like a headless chicken who’s trying to oversee everything.

“Right…”

“Where’s the ring?!”

Regulus could only sigh as he watched James panicking and looking in every nook and cranny, searching for the velvet box with the ring inside— that was obvious in his back pocket, where he placed it five minutes ago.

[neverenoughmarauders]

In defence of Remus Lupin

On behalf of James Potter who is unable to come to his aid on account of being dead.

I don’t for a second believe James would blame Remus for not checking in on Harry.

Firstly, Sirius proves in the way he questions Harry in POA that he believes Harry to be reasonably happy with his aunt and uncle (which is odd given Sirius sees him run away but nevermind). Why would Remus think any differently? He will have believed Harry to be well taken care of. Remus also trusted Dumbledore like nobody else. If Dumbledore believed Harry to be taken care of, why would Remus doubt it?

Remus should still have checked you say, and yes, had he been healthy, I’m sure James would have agreed.

Which brings me to secondly. Throughout the series we see how little Remus values himself. He doesn’t truly seem to believe it worthwhile to fight to keep his position as DADA teacher, when Harry and his class does. Remus believes that his wife and unborn child would be better off without him. And I’m sure he believed Harry to be better off without him too.

I’m sick of people not understanding how real this feeling of people being better off without him feels like to Remus. He’s shunned all his life for what he is. Even the more progressive people don’t want their children or loved ones around werewolves (as proven by Molly in OOTP at St. Mungo’s). Tonks becomes a target to the woman who does eventually kill her because she married Remus. (There’s a real question whether Tonks could have survived the battle of Hogwarts if Bella hadn’t been so set on murdering her). Would running away have helped Tonks or Teddy? No, but that’s missing the point. Remus believes it would. And Remus would have believed Harry was better off without him.

I can’t possibly know what James would have felt but from what we see of James and Sirius’ friendship with Remus, I think they knew better than anyone how inferior Remus felt, how dangerous and contaminated he believed himself to be.

This assertion is not completely unfounded because so did everyone else. As much as I hate the HBP scene when the whole room talks Remus into marrying Tonks, and as much as JKR does an awful job at selling their story as anything other than a doomed, random and forced relationship - the idea is meant to be that they are both in love with each other. The idea is meant to be that the other adults aren’t pressuring Remus into doing something he doesn’t want to do. It’s meant to be them knowing how much Remus will not date or marry the person he loves because he does not consider himself worthy of it. It should have been a scene that was one more data point on how much Remus’ condition affected his self-worth and life choices. A scene in which in the absence of Sirius and James and Dumbledore, the other people in Remus’ life step up to remind him he’s good enough!

In my view it fails to deliver this completely (and it’s a real tragedy as JKR finally takes time to elaborate on just how affected Remus is by his condition), but ignoring the execution for a second - if Minerva, Molly, Arthur and Tonks could see how much Remus would never believe himself good enough, then James and Sirius would know it a thousand times more.

Of course the confident fanon version is a different story. He should have and would have checked up on Harry. But hating canon Remus for not checking up on Harry shows a lack of empathy in my view. Rewriting the story so that Remus was forbidden to see Harry takes away from the tragedy that is Remus’ life: this idea that he believed the world would be better without him - when so many people know it would be infinitely worse.

[prongsie-kins]

as promised, here's the first part of when i met you, also posted on ao3

this is a filo!james au revolving around james potter courting regulus black in a semi-traditional way

disclaimer: english is NOT my first language and not the type that this would be beautifully written but there might be some grammatical error i didn't notice while editing. also keep in mind that this is my first multichapter fic and im still trying to improve my writing

Next

there i was, an empty piece of a shell, just minding my own world

Honestly, sixth year is definitely the year James' anticipating. He just knew that this will be the year he would treasure. It all first started when he laid eyes on Regulus back on the train. It's like this man just gets more beautiful as years go by. Not that he's attracted to him, no. You can say he's just...very observant.

Though he also noticed the dark circles sitting under his eyes. He knows Sirius leaving really took a toll on the both of them. He has heard Sirius' silent sobbing when he thinks no one can hear him.

As if sensing someone watching him, Regulus looks up from the book he's reading. Meeting James' eyes. His face pulled into a frown. "What are you doing?"

"Came to say hi, Reg." He gently waved his hand as if to prove a point, displaying a tight-lipped smile.

"Don't call me that," Regulus deadpans before raising his book by his face. Clearly indicating that he's not interested in having a conversation.

"Well then, see you around, Reggie." He walked away before the man even get to complain about the nickname.

He was greeting by the solemn face of Sirius when he came back to their compartment, leaning onto Remus' shoulder. He was looking out to the window as if there's something interesting in grass, grass, and grass.

"Where were you?" Remus asked.

"The loo." He sat down next to Peter. "Just saw Regulus at the other compartment," He continued, eyeing Sirius as he visibly perked up.

Sirius suddenly stood up. Excusing himself to go. James knew the brothers needed to talk.

He came back a while later. His eyes, red-rimmed as he sunk down next to Remus.

It took a while for James to ask what happened. Breaking the deafening silence.

"He lashed out," Sirius muttered. "I mean, I understand since I left him there. I just hoped he wasn't closed off like that. I missed him, Prongs."

James walked up to him, opening his arms, offering a hug which Sirius accepted immediately. "I know," he whispered. He gently rubbed circles on Sirius' back. They were quickly enveloped in a hug. The four of them in the middle of the compartment.

—

It was devastating, seeing Sirius' constant attempt to talk to his brother only to be shunned down. But he was persistent. It hurts to see him try to smile after another failed attempt to talk to Regulus.

James wanted to talk to Regulus but he know it's not his problem to deal with. So he can only watch Sirius trying and trying and trying and being there for him when he was ignored.

He sure hoped Regulus would come around soon enough. He didn't know if this interest in Regulus was for Sirius or his own benefit. Either way he can't help but check up on him every chance he can get.

The somber look on his face only gets worse day by day. One time he saw Regulus in the library. His head lays on an open book he was reading. It's obvious that he doesn't get enough sleep. Even in his slumber, his face was still frowning, James wanted to press his thumb on the crease between his eyebrows to let his face relax.

Of course he didn't do it. He even wondered why he thought of that in the first place.

—

Regulus constantly feels James in his orbit. He can always feel him lingering around. It was not just him who notice. Barty even bugged him if he was having a secret rendezvous with James behind their backs. He threw a pillow at him in response.

James was not even trying to be subtle when he stare at Regulus' direction in the Great Hall. Every time he glanced up at the Gryffindor's table when he thought James tore his attention off him, their eyes would meet. Every. Fucking. Time.

It's like this man doesn't have anything else to do. Even Sirius takes a break every once in a while.

Regulus is getting annoyed, to be honest. Who wouldn't when someone you despise is a persistent little shit even when he's not trying.

"What exactly are you doing, Potter?" Regulus finally asked when one day he felt James' looming figure nearing his previously sleeping figure. He open his eyes to meet James' face near him. Cold grey eyes meeting his wide dark brown ones.

He was obviously startled, assuming Regulus was asleep. He quickly replaced his startled expression with a smug one. "Did you know you snore when you sleep?"

He quickly sat straight up. "I do not," Regulus frowned.

"I wish my ears were deceiving me but no, you snore quite loudly." James smirked. "As for what I was doing. I wanted to wake you up 'cause you're disturbing students with your snorts."

"Sure," Regulus replies, obviously not believing every word the man said. "As if I didn't notice littering around when you think I don't know. Honestly, Potter, I would assume you fancy me."

He expected a defensive reply. But edge of his lips just upturned. "What if I do?"

"Oh shove off."

"Sirius misses you, you know?" James suddenly said, quietly.

Regulus was obviously taken aback. So this is what this is about. "Why do you care, Potter. I obviously don't care. Mind your own business." He quickly stood and took his things to get out of the library. If his heart clenched at the statement. Nobody's gonna know about it.

—

A few weeks has passed. Regulus slumped back down to his bed, shakily sighing in relief. It was him who approached Sirius this time after weeks of trying to talk to him. The heavy feeling in his chest immediately vanishing after their talk. He sure missed his brother dearly. He can dwell on that the best he can and ignore the situation in his own household. That is a problem future Regulus would handle. Tonight, he would bask on this giddy feeling.

"You seem to be in a good mood. I'm assuming the talk went well?" Pandora, who was sitting by his bed asked.

"I feel like I can sleep peacefully now."

"Oh, thank Merlin," Evan commented. "I wouldn't have to deal with you moping late at night anymore."

"Fuck you," he glared at him. "I don't mope."

"As you say so."

—

James immediately knew the talk went well when Sirius came back all smiley and jumpy. He got quite worried when Regulus got up to their table at the Great Hall, asking Sirius if he could talk to him. He sags in relief, ecstatic to see the brothers fix their relationship.

But then, James suddenly realized that now that the situation is okay, he wouldn't have a reason to approach Regulus now. Just when he (finally) admitted to himself that he quite fancy him. Maybe observing him for Sirius is just one of the factors of why he was drawn to him.

—

"I'll walk you there, come on," James wasn't even supposed to be there. Regulus is on his way to Charms when James suddenly appeared by his side. Asking where he was going. Even offering to carry his things.

"Don't you have classes to attend to?"

"Doesn't matter, let's go," James said as walked ahead of him.

Regulus hastily walked by his side. This long legged bastard. Seriously, what does this guy want? His relationship with Sirius is obviously okay now so he doesn't see the reason why James keep lingering.

"Why are you here, anyway?"

"Well, I was serving detention."

"So you escaped to sneak up on me? I'm a prefect you know?"

"Oh I am aware. You wouldn't take points from me now, wouldn't you?" Before he even gets a chance to reply, they finally arrived. "I'll be back after class, Reggie." James waves as he gave him his things. "Don't be surprised next time, love. Liligawan na kita."

Next

[impishtubist]

with the prank, i actually find it a lot more interesting if remus is conflicted because he Can’t be angry at sirius, rather than if he is. Like he’s angry at himself for immediately forgiving him. and really the impact of the prank is only there when remus uses it to justify to himself that sirius must have betrayed the potters because he already is capable of it

Ooooh I like this interpretation as well! So right now my feelings re: the prank fall into 3 categories:

It wasn't a big deal to any of the MWPP crew and they shrugged it off and carried on like normal after it.

James would never have shunned Sirius, so if Remus is mad and not speaking to Sirius, that's his problem and James would never join him in doing that.

Remus wants to be mad at Sirius and can't be. He immediately forgives him and is upset at himself about it. This is delicious.

Remus is still dumb for thinking that Sirius could ever betray James. Even if he's thinking "well, Sirius betrayed me once" (even though the prank wasn't a betrayal, it was just Snivellus being an idiot), well....sorry, Remus, but you're not James. Even if Sirius was capable of betraying you, he would never betray James. But I can see Remus twisting himself in knots, trying to find something to rationalize what happened, even though he knows deep down that it's a stretch to say prank = Sirius eventually betraying James.

[sunchasingstar]

AU Jegulus fic twist on Percy Jackson. Although I will say, none of them will be matching the actual seven like the parents will be different and will fit the characters like how I imagine they’d fit. Basically all I’m adding in is the marauders being demigods with a very VERY loose similarity to the seven💀

James would be Percy, but not the son of Poseidon. I mean this like, James is the one that would pull everyone together and make things go in motion, he’d be the one to challenge the gods because he recognizes that they’re shitty. His fatal flaw would be his loyalty (because it fucking was.) James is definitely the son of Apollo tho, I literally couldn’t make it any other way cause like James Potter is the Sun. But I do think Euphemia would be Sally and Fleamont would be Apollo but acts like Poseidon (ie simp for Sally) or Fleamont would be Paul because he’s stable and supportive. And I like Paul. Although, I think the Annabeth to his Percy would be (obvi) Regulus!

Regulus wouldn’t be the son of Athena, although he could be tbh, I see him more as a nico type variant. So, if SoAngelo was Percabeth basically 🫠 Regulus fits this vibe because he’s an emo boy who can’t swim. But also, because he’d definitely be the one to have trauma and a mixed up background. I think he’d still have Nico’s background and Sirius would act as Bianca, as in they both come from 1940’s Italian background and ended up in a fucking casino for years.

With that, I kinda see Remus as the son of Athena. He’d be the Annabeth in the planning and he’d be the one to make sure James’ dumbass stayed alive😂. I like the idea of making Peter be either a Satyr and friend like Grover or like Luke and be a friend turned enemy. Sirius would be the Thalia of the situation, mixed with a bit of Bianca (kinda?)

What I mean by that is that Sirius and Regulus would have different fathers but the same mom. They’d still be targeted but it’s because they’re the sons of Zeus and Hades respectively. I think this is because Sirius gives me electric vibes, he fits the son of Zeus. Regulus on the other hand is the dark one, the one that everyone kinda shuns a bit. So, in this setting, Sirius and Regulus wouldve both been hunted by Zeus in this AU (major reason why James has beef w Zeus) and Hades would’ve helped his son and sent them both to the casino to save them. But!! They get out earlier than in the series, they end up being lead out by one of the fates (ig??) because of the Great Prophecy that has James and Regulus as a key part, as well as our Luke variant, The Prophecy would be different because of this and because of my need to have fate force Starchaser to have a happy ending 🙃 anyway, so they get out and meet Remus, Barty (Luke) and Peter (Grover) on the way, right? So, ya know how that story goes. Only difference is that Remus and Peter are best friends and Remus had a crush on Sirius during their time spent together trying to find Camp Half-Blood. Then, right as they’re reaching the gates, the Cyclops comes and Sirius sacrifices himself for Regulus, this makes Zeus pissed because fuck that was his kid actually, so he turns him into a pine tree. Regulus ends up blaming himself for getting his brother killed and becomes a recluse tbh who only really talks to Barty. He doesn’t get claimed until James gets there and they end up getting claimed at the same time (prophecy things) which the first great prophecy would go something like this:

A half-blood of the eldest god

Shall reach sixteen against all odds,

And see the world in endless sleep.

Son of the Sun, his life and heart he shall keep,

The hero’s soul, cursed blade shall reap,

A single choice shall end his days

Olympus to preserve or raze.

I feel like changing it to the eldest god instead of gods would be limiting it to Hades and with the Son of the Sun, yeah. This would make Zeus and the rest of them change the oath to make it include Apollo (or it could be that they tried to make it just Apollo and Hades but no way in hell Hades would let that slide so celibacy for all four)

Regulus would start to warm up to James after he saved Sirius’ tree, which brought Sirius back to life. And I feel like James and Sirius would but heads a bit especially after Sirius learns that Regulus and James are the ones from the prophecy and Sirius wouldn’t like James at first because he’s scared that James could lead to his brothers death. This changes when Regulus is kidnapped in the Titans Curse. The Hunters would be hard to mix in ngl cause I could make them the girls but I also want the girls to play bigger parts to the story and I feel like the Hunt kinda doesn’t play that big of a part. Because of that, idk who to make Bianca cause Sirius isn’t dying after being brought back😀 I’m thinking we make Bianca be either Emmeline and have Mary blame James for not keeping her gf safe and then have her confide in Lily. Anyway, James stopping at nothing to save Regulus!! I also think James would be powerful as fuck because of this theory I have that the less children a god have = to more powerful kids idk why but it’s something I think ab a lot regarding the actual seven. James would have Photokinesis and Heliokinesis as well as a lot of the powers listed under the Apollo cabins power list (I can’t choose😭) although I mostly say this because I’m gonna hc that Euphemia is a demigod herself, or a legacy, she’s one of the few Greek ones that lived long enough to live semi peacefully in the moral world. Her godly parent is Hecate so that makes James hymns and magic in general just cranked up. It’s why he’s a major player in the war because he comes from an extremely powerful line of legacies (Potter is his mother last name and there’s been records of many, many of the family being demigods)(he doesn’t find this out until later) the Potters being descended from the Peverell brothers in the HP universe just always makes me think that the Potters have a lot more magical power than Rowling gave them so I’m gonna give that power to James in this au😄

James and Regulus holding the sky together!!!! This one is important to me, idk why, but it is. And their grey hair wouldn’t go away randomly in the series, it’d stay there! I feel like this moment would be when Regulus realizes he’s fallen for James because while he was taken, his faith that James would save him never wavers and that’s a big thing for him, that hope in another person, but it’s because he knows who James is. However, he never expects James to help him hold the sky. There’s a difference than simply going after a friend and going against a goddess’s warning (Artemis definitely told her nephew to not take the sky because she would rather her nephew be safe than anything) and shouldering the weight of the world for them. This is the moment he realizes he loves James. He doesn’t tell him, of course 🙄 James had loved regulus since the beginning, it never seemed like something he had to realize. Since the moment he came to the camp and Regulus’ dark grey eyes met James’ own amber colored ones, James knew he was meant to be there. James knew their entire lives were leading up to that moment. Of course, he’s also the son of Apollo and literally has prophecy related powers so he could probably feel the actual strings of fate that tied them together. Which is why he made it his mission to annoy Regulus into friendship on the first day. James doesn’t tell Regulus this until the Labyrinth, when Regulus gets jealous of flaming red hair and emerald green eyes that belong to Lily Evans, someone James felt a strange pull to (because she’s meant to be the oracle🤭) which leads to Regulus getting injured and James thanking his father for passing on his healing powers because he came tell Regulus how he feels in a intimate, cliche moment.

(Regulus, our souls are made of the same stardust. There is no one else for me.I wouldn’t want there to be.)

Which, this leads my man Regulus on a mission to find a way to protect James. Thus, he stumbles upon the Curse of Achilles and that whole plot plays out with the exception that James would only go through with it if Regulus did too. Except James wouldn’t choke Regulus like Percy did (even tho Percy was justified ngl) he’d def be heartbroken tho thinking his love had betrayed him, ofc he forgives him once Reggie explains. Once they both submerge into the river and come out again, they get visited by the three fates because ofc 🙄 and basically because they both were used the other to ground themselves to their human side, the fates decide to drop that one can’t live without the other. That should Regulus or James get stuck in their Achilles spot, they’d both die. (Son of the Sun, his heart and life he shall keep)

This would definitely lead to James and Barty fighting and Barty highkey bout to end it when Regulus interrupts with the, “Family, Barty. You promised.”

Then, once the war was over and they go back to camp half-blood, Regulus kisses James and admits to his love for him. And then, James goes missing and three new half-bloods turn up. James would only be able to remember Regulus and would be the one to get everyone on his side 🤣 Octavian would soooo be Snape. I feel like it’s funny asf because of how much Octavian hated Percy and it’s even better that James is the prophesied Son of Apollo and Snape is a legacy. He’d be so pissed that James’ powers are stronger 💀💀

Then Mark of Athena, I was gonna have Sirius and Remus fall instead of James and Regulus but I thought better of it because imagine Regulus seeing James snap in Tartarus. It freaking Regulus out to the point that he begs him never to do it again. ( either uses his plague and sickness power or sun powers to fuck up Akhlys)

Like I can so see that Regulus would save Remus from the web that was wrapped on his foot by manipulating the earth with his power, only to slip and fall into the hole which lead to James jumping to grab him and Sirius grabbing James. James would make Sirius promise to get the others to the other side. And then they’d fall. Regulus and James would cling to each other and James would so use his power to keep Regulus warm (he let it slip that he hates the underground because it makes him feel cold, like the dead)

That’s all I’ve managed to come up with so far, but it’s being rotting my brain all night

[warningsine]

My earliest reading memory We had very few books at home, growing up, so I always looked forward to the Japanese textbooks that were handed out in school every term. I would read the entire book in one day, and over and over again after that. Textbooks might seem boring, but they gave me a way into contemporary poetry, haiku and tanka poems.

My favourite book growing up Demian by Hermann Hesse. Of all the protagonists, Sinclair appealed to me because of his introspective nature and lack of confidence.

It surprised me that I could understand the essence of my own culture through the work of Vonnegut, an American writer

The book that changed me as a teenager I was lucky to read Kurt Vonnegut as a teenager. Michael Ende has written about the way in which humour is not an expression of playfulness but rather an attitude of how a person deals with the extreme hardships and setbacks that occur in life. This understanding of humour is connected to the spirit of Osaka, the city where I was born and raised. It surprised me that I could understand the essence of my own culture through the work of Vonnegut, an American writer. Through his imagination and epic experiences, he taught me about hope amid despair.

The writer who changed my mind James Joyce. He completely transformed the way I thought about poetry – the whole concept of it, from form to content.

The book that made me want to be a writerI can’t think of one, because I never aspired to become a writer. I just gave my all to every job and got to where I am now.

The book I came back to Gravity and Grace by Simone Weil. As a non-believer, I could read and understand Weil’s work but never felt I could touch its essence. Now that I’m older and have been exposed to human limitations in various ways, the “God” that Weil refers to has taken on a new significance for me.

The book I reread Growing Up (Takekurabe) by Ichiyō Higuchi, who was one of the first professional female writers in modern Japan. She depicts, in superb prose, the brilliant innocence of children and the customs of the old part of Tokyo, from 130 years ago. Aside from being a pleasure to read, the story reminds me of how the economic disparity and systemic inequality of her time remain unchanged today. The Zürau Aphorisms by Franz Kafka is another one.

The book I could never read again I find many books are too macho to read now. Stories about “inheritance” or “succession”, depicting the conflict between sons and their oppressive fathers.

The book I discovered later in life A Manual for Cleaning Women by Lucia Berlin. This short-story collection was translated into Japanese a few years ago. I’m amazed by her ability to write about life’s sorrows and disappointments.

The book I am currently reading The Tale of Peter Rabbit and Other Stories by Beatrix Potter. I’m currently translating all 23 tales into Japanese, so I’ve been reading them very closely for the past two years. I am constantly impressed by their perfect structure – the illustrations are wonderful too. For example, the animals that eat well have shiny fur, whereas the less fortunate ones look greasy and flabby – their fur is painted differently according to class. There’s a lot I have learned from Potter’s life and her insightful vision.

My comfort read Kafka, because his works contain the truth that despair is neither something to be detested and shunned nor a sudden misfortune, but a natural condition for human life.

[ladylilithprime]

.....I have a lot of books that I've read, but I would hesitate to recommend them even where the authors have not to my knowledge done anything to warrant expulsion from the Good Writer Club on grounds that have nothing to do with writing. Especially on tumblr. Especially when at least two writers I devoured the works of have controversies in their personal lives that have caused many people to shun their works out of a sense of betrayal or just an overdeveloped desire for a social justice crusade. (Not getting into that up here, I've got a whole rant about the need for nuance and critical thinking and that's not the point at present.)

That said.

I did read the Harry Potter books until the fifth one when Rowling apparently fired her editor and started turning her books into more useful bludgeoning weapons. The movies were easier for me to sit through, though the adaptions changed things.

I tried to read Twilight and only got about a page and a half into the first book before I had to put it down from boredom. Again, the movie was easier for me to sit through (lack of first person narrative helped here) and I still haven't seen the others in the series.

I have never even picked up a book by Sarah J Maas, so I can't say anything about the quality of the writing from the perspective of me as a reader.

I haven't heard of any of the others, though I'm at least aware of Robert Jordan, much the way I'm aware of James Patterson.

The books I did read and devour?

The Brainship series and the Pern Chronicles by Anne McCaffrey (requiescat in pacem).

The Xanth series by Piers Anthony.

The Elvenbane and Elvenblood by Andre Norton and Mercedes Lackey.

Pretty much anything by Mercedes Lackey.

The Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C Wrede.

The Young Wizards series by Diane Duane.

The first three quartets in the Tortall universe by Tamora Pierce, though my appetite slowed after "Squire". (Not specifically a detractor to the later books, just where my own personal interest began to falter.)

The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley (yes I'm now aware of the issues surrounding her personally, but I wasn't when I read the book).

Pretty much everything by Terry Pratchett...

...which led me to his Good Omens co-author and various books he wrote. (Again with the timing of awareness, not getting into it here, see comments above.)

The Animorphs series by KA Applegate. (Tried to get into the Everworld series, didn't enjoy it as much.)

Kushiel's Dart by Jacqueline Carey (slow-going because I do have to be in a specific headspace to read that much BDSM porn, even when it's well-written and plot-relevant).

My partner loves the books by Lois McMaster Bujold and has read excerpts to me many times, which are quite entertaining.

I read Redwall by Brian Jacques and a couple others in the series, but found them more entertaining when I thought they were just talking animals.

So.

I'm currently sitting in a room surrounded by books because my family are all avid readers on a wide variety of genres. A lot of the books I'm staring at are not ones I would choose to read, and I've never been pressured to read them. My mum (just turned 80) has read many of them, usually right along with me. My dad (now 78) has read many of the same books as well as the rest she hasn't, and he's disagreed with many of them and written journals filled with notes and arguments on many of them. He was once given a book by an acquaintance who told him she thought he should read it because she knew he was a logical thinker (he did read it and told me later that the book was not at all logical; not having read it, I can't say either way).

Point is... go find a library and look through the stacks. Read the blurbs on the inside covers, maybe read a page or two. If you like it, keep reading. Look up the author on your phone if you have to in order to see what else they wrote.

And if you don't like the book, then just don't keep reading. Put it down, move on to another one. Don't go looking for controversy or dirt to justify not liking the book or the author. Don't do it to justify liking them, either. You do not need to justify your personal preferences. You can be aware of the politics the author has, even heartily disagree with their perspective and biases, and still enjoy reading a book. It's perfectly okay not to internalize what you read every time.

Otherwise, I wouldn't still reread The Chronicles of Narnia.

J. K. Rowling gave us facist Wizards.

Stephanie Meyer gave us Mormon Vampires.

And Sarah J. Maas gave us zionist Faeries.

The Holy Trinity of Mediocre White Women ruining fantasy for everyone!

[ashesandhackles]

Gentleman Monster: How Remus's Marginalisation and Comparitive Privilege Made Who He Is

(brought to you by @thecat-isblogging-blog and me)

Marginalised and subjucated groups in the Wizarding world have largely very different response to their status. It is most often, anger. We see it multiple times with goblins:

Griphook gave a nasty laugh.

"But it is, it is precisely that! As the Dark Lord becomes ever more powerful, your race is set still more firmly above mine! Gringotts falls under Wizarding rule, house-elves are slaughtered, and who amongst the wand-carriers protests?"

In werewolves:

"I cannot pretend that my particular brand of reasoned argument is making much headway against Greyback's insistence that we werewolves deserve blood, that we ought to revenge ourselves on normal people."

Despair, in house elves:

"Ah, if Harry Potter only knew!" Dobby groaned, more tears dripping onto his ragged pillowcase. "If he knew what he means to us, to the lowly, the enslaved, we dregs of the magical world! Dobby remembers how it was when He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was at the height of his powers, sir! We house-elves were treated like vermin, sir! Of course, Dobby is still treated like that, sir," he admitted, drying his face on the pillowcase.

Remus's position is interesting, in that he is both exposed to the bigotry his kind is subjected but is also in large parts, protected from it. Here is a piece of dialogue Cat brought to our attention:

'I'm sure they'd never go over to You-Know-Who,' said Mr. Weasley, shaking his head. 'They've suffered losses too; remember that goblin family he murdered last time, somewhere near Nottingham?'

'I think it depends what they're offered,' said Lupin. 'And I'm not talking about gold. If they're offered the freedoms we've been denying them for centuries they're going to be tempted. Have you still not had any luck with Ragnok, Bill?'

Remus uses the word 'we', when in fact, he himself has been oppressed by the wizarding community. He doesn't say 'the wizarding world', he puts himself in the focus even when he isn't part of the problem when it comes to being the oppressor.

Remus sees himself as an oppressor because he is human, but he also sees himself as a monster because of his lycanthropy.

This dual identity is further embodied by how he refers to himself in Deathly Hallows:

"You have only ever seen me amongst the Order, or under Dumbledore's protection at Hogwarts! You don't know how most of the Wizarding world sees creatures like me! When they know of my affliction, they can barely talk to me! Don't you see what I've done?"

When Remus is being distant from the issue at hand, an outsider looking in - he identifies as a "human" and clubs himself among the oppressor, however, the more anguished or emotional he gets, he gets closer to his emotional truth: "creature". Remus has two fractured identities that he constantly moves in between.

His comparitive privilege from rest of the werewolves who are shunned from society, who live on margins, stealing and killing to eat, is due to his association with Dumbledore and the Marauders.

In his anguish in DH, he tells Harry and his friends that their view of him is highly coloured by Dumbledore's protection, who gave him both education and a job when no one else would. We see him making a similar comment about James:

'But you are normal!" said Harry fiercely. "You've just got a--a problem--"

Lupin burst out laughing.

"Sometimes you remind me a lot of James. He called it my 'furry little problem' in company. Many people were under the impression that I owned a badly behaved rabbit."

While his dialogue surrounding marginalisation is either passive or dry around the Order ("an occupational hazard of being a werewolf"), he does allow himself to get angry about what he faces around Sirius:

"I know she is a nasty piece of work though - you should hear Remus talk about her," said Sirius. (In reference to Umbridge drafting an anti werewolf legislation)

Remus being loved by his family and the radical acceptance of his condition by his friends is a very huge part of his character - because it allows him to experience his "monstrosity" in a way that he believes is safe (even while it is highly dangerous and irresponsible).

He appoints James and Sirius as his protectors:

'Sirius and James transformed into such large animals, they were able to keep a werewolf in check."

And they did, they protected him from consequences of their dangerous jaunts and there were many "near misses". However, this allows him to be a teenager in a way that he knows he normally wouldn't have been able to be:

"We were young, thoughtless -- carried away with our own cleverness."

Around the Marauders, there is an integration of his wolf and human selves, which would explain why Remus feels comfortable expressing negative emotions like anger around his friends, when he normally he wouldn't to anyone else:

'My body was still wolfish, but my mind seemed to become less so while I was with them'

We know that what is offered to him here is unique kind of acceptance, the one he doesn't even get with his fellow werewolves - as he "bears unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards" and they find it "difficult to trust him", not to speak of the regular bigotry he faces from wizards.

And because of this comfort he receives from them, and a sense of integrated identity around them when he has to move between two fractured selves among wizards and among werewolves, it also informs his flaw: allowing his friends to get away with what he objectively knows is wrong.

Remus' comparitive privilege from who he calls his "fellow equals" also has resulted in internalising the messaging from the wizarding world, which feeds his self loathing rather than the righteous anger we see other subjucated magical creatures display.

This self loathing informs his tendency to avoid intimate relationships in his adulthood: "I am too poor, too old, too dangerous"/ "Don't you see what I have done to my wife and child? I have made her an outcast!"

Long story short: Remus' permeable identity issues (moving between 'human' and 'wolf' selves), why exactly he is loyal to his friends' secrets even when they are long dead cause very interesting internal conflict/ tension in him to explore.

[shameonmeeguiltypleasure]

Well what if the year Anthony transferred to Durmstrang was the year Kate transferred to Hogwarts? They meet their last year in the triwizard tournament and Kate can not believe this cocky guy was a Hufflepuff. Headmistress McGonagall just looks at these two and has a headache, recalling similar interactions between James and Lily Potter and we all know where that led.

Also, I can see Slytherin Kate taking Michael and Penelope under her wing. You can bet her and Michael taught her some wicked hexes to use. She’s earns her place within the first week after causing Cressida, to break out in oozing pustules after she made fun of a fellow Slytherin girl when the girl accidentally burned her eyebrows. Penelope wasn’t caught but her house knows from the satisfied look on her face as she gives some cookies to her fellow Slytherin that it was her. That was the moment Michael decided that he was adopting her while Kate saw the potential she had.

Slytherin is also known for kind of being the shunned house so everyone kind of looks out for each other. It’s kind of like “hey their a pain in the butt but they are MY pain in the butt so hands off.” The people in their house all look up to head girl Kate, admire Michael’s charisma, and view Penelope as a sweet cinnamon roll but she’s their cinnamon roll so do not mess with her or they will hex you before she does. And do not, DO NOT, let that dumb Gryffindor Colin Bridgerton near her! They don’t trust him not to pounce on her.

YES TO ALL OF THIS!!!

A little Backstory for Kate:

Edwina is still her half-sister and the same age as Eloise. She transferred to Hogwarts because Edwina begged her to, and after their dad passed, Kate wanted to be closer to her sister. Even if it meant moving to Hogwarts in England (which she personally thinks is subpar and not all that).

But when little first-year Ravenclaw Edwina writes to her about making friends with Eloise Bridgerton and confesses to a tiny crush on Anthony, Kate DETESTS the name Anthony Bridgerton. She fully planned on keeping that horrible playboy away from her sister once she got to Hogwarts. But he’s already transferred out when she starts…..But he left behind a lot of academic achievements/victories/titles.

So, Kate decides, if she can’t beat the man himself, she’ll replace his every victory with her own.

The Triwizard tournament is going to be taking place at Hogwarts once again.

Anthony hasn’t been back since he left (tbh he’s been kinda distant too with his siblings and all he’s had to shoulder after Edmund died). But he’s healing…… slowly….. so very slowly…… and finally adapted to being the head of the family when he finally learns about Kate’s mission.

“Excuse me? What do you mean someone BEAT my RECORD for fastest Flier!?!!?!”

And his siblings are Evil competitive little imps that absolutely love to see Anthony lose.

“Oh yes, Edwina’s sister Kate! She’s brill!! She’s slated for Head girl, did you know?” Eloise happily shares.

“Kate’s magnificent Anthony!! She’s even won the captain title for the Slytherin Quidditch team and absolutely WRECKED Hufflepuff in the finals!!” Fran slyly added.

“Are we talking about Kate? She’s got the highest scores in DADA since- oh well I think since you, brother? In fact, I think she wields the title now… “ Colin thoughtfully adds.

Anthony’s eye is twitching as one by one, his siblings list all the achievements/victories he’d made at Hogwarts that were beaten by one Kate Sharma.

Now, imagine just how beautifully delicious reading the First Encounter between would be…..

[sammyjhand]

Accident

For @wolfstarmicrofic June 23 prompt: Accident

Two months. 

Two short (excruciatingly long if your name is Sirius Black) months between years Six and Seven were apparently enough to render someone completely unrecognizable. At least, that’s what two months had done to Remus. 

“Merlin,” James breathes, awe-struck as he nearly cranes his neck to get a look at the lad who’s just popped into their usual train car. He hops up to slap Remus on the back and pull him in for a hug.

“Where the bloody hell is Lupin and what have you done with him?” James laughs, and Remus ducks his head, lips rolled sheepishly into his mouth. 

“Yeah,” Remus sighs. “Bit weird, isn’t it? I hadn’t even noticed until I tried on some of my school trousers while packing my trunk and they barely hit the bottom of my calves.”

Peter Pettigrew, once the smallest and now always the smallest, huffs against the window with his arms crossed. 

“’Hadn’t noticed’ he says. Give me a break,” he mutters. 

“Nice to see you too, Pete.” 

The compartment has grown incredibly small. And hot. And when the attention of his friends is turned onto Sirius, who has yet to make a peep at Remus’s arrival, his words escape him. 

“Sirius,” Remus greets him with a nod. A smile dances on his lips and mirth shimmers in his eyes. Were they always golden? 

James silently prods him with a look, a look that says ‘wake up, knob’, but Sirius can’t move, can’t speak. 

Because what is there to say when one of your best mates shows up after a two month long holiday with a golden sun-tan, sun-highlighted hair that’s at least three inches longer than the last time Sirius has seen it, and surely more than three inches added to their overall height? Sirius doesn’t know, and his brain won’t tell him. 

“Sup?” Is what he lands on. 

James scoffs. “Smooth.” 

Sirius presses himself up against the window across from Peter for the rest of the ride to Hogwarts. James is going on and on about needing to appreciate sights that they’ve seen fifty times before because it’s the last time they’ll be on their way school on the Hogwarts Express again. Usually this is where Sirius would argue that they’ll see it again when they come back from Christmas Holiday, which would inevitably send them into some entertaining argument to propel them through the remainder of the ride. 

But Sirius is too focused on the mere inch of space between his and Remus’s thighs. He still feels too hot when he presses his forehead against the cool glass. He just wants to be there already. 

~

The welcome-back party is in full swing after dinner, and Sirius is sulking. 

It’s not that he doesn’t agree with the underlying whispers traveling around the crowded common room. 

“Have you seen Remus?”

“That’s Remus!?”

“He got cute.”

“He got bloody right fit is what he did!”

Sirius does agree. He definitely agrees.

He just doesn’t like that everyone else’s eyes are on him now. Sirius always knew; he always thought Remus’s freckles suited him nicely, and could see the lean muscles he seemingly tried so hard to keep covered. Remus being good looking is no new notion, and he silently shuns the girls who think so while he swigs from the fire whiskey. But Sirius also knows how captivating Remus is. How intelligent, and witty, and outright hilarious he is. 

And he doesn’t want other people to notice. He wants Remus to remain his hidden treasure. 

“Why so Sirius?” He hears from behind him. He continues to stare into the fire.

“Good one.”

“You haven’t even properly said hello to me, you know,” Remus points out, sitting criss-cross next to Sirius. 

Sirius makes eye contact. 

“Hello.”

“How was your summer?” Remus prompts. Sirius hates small talk. He’d walked away from no less than four people who had asked him the same question earlier that evening. But a question like this from Remus is genuine, because it’s Remus.

“Shit.” Sirius picks at the carpet. “I mean, I did get to stay with the Potters for a few weeks. After... well, you got the owl.” 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. I tried, but my mum--”

“Don’t worry about it. I could have come to see you, but I was being a bit of a prick, to be honest,” Sirius sighs, remembering when James ripped him a new one for being too snippy with his parents. 

Remus nods. “So nothing out of the ordinary, it sounds like.” He smirks in Sirius’s direction when he jokingly gasps. He buts their shoulders together, and Sirius turns fire-hot again. 

“I really should have come to see you, though. Who knew I’d miss so much!”

Remus tilts his head in a puppy manner. 

“What do you think you missed? I promise, all I did was work on the farm all summer. It was a pain in my arse and now I’ve got lumbar pain--”

“I missed when you got hot, you ponce,” Sirius blurts. It takes him two seconds of staring at the fire whiskey in his hand before administering it blame for his momentary word vomit.

Remus stiffens. Sirius stiffens. 

“That was an accident, I don’t know where that came from,” Sirius bubbles, trying to talk his way out of the hole. “I mean, you know you’re hot. You have to know. Everyone’s talking about it.”

He’s not making it any better. And now he can see heat creeping it’s way out of the collar of Remus’s thrift store sweater and up his neck. 

“I didn’t know you thought I was hot,” Remus laughs lightly, and Sirius can’t read him. He doesn’t know how to tread.

“Everyone does now.”

“I don’t care about everyone.”

Their eyes flick to each others, silver and gold. It feels like a moment that’s building for a long time, and maybe Sirius is glad for the fire whiskey. The stare between them feels like igniting a flame and letting it gain heat until it’s one big bonfire. 

Remus’s eyes flicker towards the stairs that lead up to the marauders dormitory. 

“I made you something. This summer. Would you like to see it?” Remus asks, face only but a few inches from Sirius’s. 

Flooded with feeling, Sirius nods and lets himself be pulled up from his position. Lets himself trail behind Remus, now a few inches taller than himself, with their hands clasped. Ignores the knowing stare Prongs sends him from across the party. 

Lets himself be pushed against the cobble stone wall just outside their bedroom door. 

“That was no accident. You’ve been checking me out since the train,” Remus laughs, pressing their foreheads together. 

“Oh, shut up.”

Remus plants his mouth on Sirius’s with such heat and conviction that it’s quite clear his feelings are reciprocated. Sirius could have guessed, with all of the little moments they’d had over the years (including the time he woke up with a nude Remus tucked into his chest and a banging headache) but there is no guessing here. And it feels like they’ve been waiting forever for this moment to come to fruition. 

Apparently it felt like forever to everyone else, too, because a chorus of, “ow, ow!” reaches their ears at the top of the staircase. Sirius laughs into Remus’s mouth, and Remus pulls off to grip Sirius by the shoulders, leading him into the room. 

“Prongs and Petey just earned themselves a slumber party in the common room for that one.”

The door magically slams shut and locks behind them. 

yo that was so much more than a microfic but it GOT AWAY FROM ME. sorry not sorry 

[solarviolet]

not anymore • james potter

there's nothing james can do anymore. not now, not ever. after all your fate is sealed tight.

word count : 1340

warnings : mentions of abuse, hitting, creepy comments, mentions of cheating, marriage, james is an asshole in this. (if i've missed anything please let me know)

a/n : i feel like this is so bad but i still wanted to post it </3 and hi @gxtitobxby a james angst for you bby

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

pain, pain and heartbreak is all you've known the past few months. it's impossible for you to remember the countless times you've been hit, pushed and called names. your body and mind used to the harshness by now.

isn't it funny how your life was amazing a few months ago and now it's in crumbles.

shattered and broken with no way of saving it.

all it took was one misconception, one wrong move by an insane man to ruin your life completely.

a person who you thought was your friend ran off as soon as she saw what happened and spread it around like wildfire.

life turned upside down, barely having a chance to explain yourself before it blew up. not that you would've been allowed to, james's mind was set that you were in the wrong and nothing you could've said would change that.

nobody would've cared about what you'd say. you were labelled as a whore, cheater and much more you can't remember at this point. mind numb to the insults and hits thrown your way.

your boyfriend, the one person who should've trusted you implicitly, didn't.

james refused to listen to you. you had an argument the night before about his jealousy so he was already angry at you. that had an effect on the situation that happened the day after.

you begged james to listen to you. pleaded with him but he scoffed at you and paid no attention. hurtful words flying out of his mouth. you cried in front of him, asked him not to believe the stuff people were accusing you of.

you remember how james had just looked you up and down with a sneer on his face. he pushed you away, back hitting the shelf in the gryffindor common room, making you wince in pain as he walked away. eyes welling up with more tears as pain bloomed inside of you.

from that day on, your own house shunned you. no one spoke or interacted with you. james had made sure of it.

you were a nobody.

evan, evan rosier had ruined your life all because of his little obsession with you. he had wanted you ever since you were young. your families running in the same circles.

he'd always tell you, how you'd be his when you grew up. making you freak out at every corner you'd see him in. it got worse as you grew up, with things turning from somewhat okay to downright disturbing. he'd make sexual comments about you that you'd ignore which only served to make him madder.

rosier would accost you unexpectedly, especially when you were with james and pull you away to 'talk' to you. all those instances made james suspicious and angry.

james anger burst out the night before that awful day all because evan had touched your face. you hadn't moved away quickly enough for james's liking which caused a huge fight between the two of you.

that day is what made your life spiral into madness.

rosier cornered you and forced himself onto you. you pushed him away with all your strength but he ended up kissing you. at that moment, the girl you'd called your 'bestfriend' had run off and spread it around that you'd 'fucked evan rosier' even though you were dating james.

she told everyone that your hair was a mess and your clothes were halfway off even though it was all because you tried to get away from him.

your life is in ruins.

you're pulled out of your thoughts when you see evan approach you from the corner of your eye. he saunters towards you with a smirk on his face.

you stand up straight, your body on edge as you never know what the insane bastard would do now.

he's right in front of you with a creepy smile on his face. you say nothing as he lifts a hand up and strokes a finger down your face.

"what do you want rosier?"

"what is it this time"

he laughs as he cages you in with his hands on either side of your face, making you feel even smaller. his face tilts down towards yours "what now? i can't come to see my fiancée? the girl i'm getting married to soon"

"is that not allowed now doll?"

you shiver and he notices that, eyes darkening in a weird sense of desire. you know, you know he gets off on scaring you, making you feel small and weak. your tied to him now, forever.

the engagement ring he put on you, sealed your fate for the rest of your life.

"please, please evan just leave me alone, you've ruined my life already. what more can you do to me"

begging him does nothing to help, he just grins at you. he leans down and presses a kiss to your neck, smiling against it as you shiver and flinch away. your hands come up to push him away but he bites down making you cry out.

you hear a shoe squeak and your eyes fly open, noticing james in the corner. you have no idea how long he's been there but you don't care.

evan stops and you push him away, slapping him across the face. your chest heaves in anger as he looks at you.

"don't you worry pretty girl, i'll have the rest of our lives to do that to you"

he grins and walks away, leaving you resting against the wall, trying to keep your tears and anger in check.

james takes that moment to finally come out from where he's hiding, approaching you cautiously.

he stands in front of you, watching as you try your best to calm down.

"w-why didn't you tell me that he was doing this to you"

"why would you hide it from me?"

"why didn't you ever tell me, WHY?" he shouts at you as he punches the wall behind your head causing you to flinch in fear.

you shake as tears stream down your face, leaving streaks on your red cheeks.

"because i didn't want you to hurt him and get yourself into trouble. i thought i could deal with it all by myself."

"but even if i told you, would you have believed me james?"

you cross your arms and shake your head as he nods furiously, but you know the truth. james was so convinced something else was happening between you and evan that he wouldn't have cared. it showed in the way he so ruthlessly pushed you away the day your life was messed up.

he watches you as your face turns into a sad watery smile.

"p-please you can leave him, come back to me?"

he begs you with tears in his eyes but all it does is make you sob harder.

"i can't, not anymore james, not anymore, the marriage contract won't allow it"

sighing, you try to talk without sobbing "the day this ring was put on my finger, was the day my fate was sealed. i can never leave him. if i do? i'll die james"

james can't believe the words that spill from your mouth, he looks at you with his mouth wide open.

"t-there has to be a way! there has to be one, i-i can't allow this"

you scoff and shake your head trying your best to stop the tears running down your face.

"maybe you should've thought about what it would do to me when you didn't believe me and listened to what others said, james"

"i told you, i told you countless times that it wasn't true and yet you decided to ignore me and leave me to the wolves"

"i guess you have no one to blame but yourself for this one potter"

you turn away, leaving him on the floor. as you walk away, you hear his breath hitch and soon sobs fill the air behind you. it hurts, it hurts you badly but there's nothing either of you can do, not anymore.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

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[lumosinlove]

Cw: mentions of drugs and mentions of past abuse

Previously On Relic Keel

Remus has started to associate sailing with Sirius Black ever since Sirius told him he watches his boat every morning. He thinks about how tired he is of knowing everything there is to know and wishes to leave the island.

Remus also starts his new job at the Hogwarts History Museum where he meets up with his friend Layla, whose family runs the museum, and whose brother, Lyall, Remus races sailboats against. On his way there, he reflects on the divide between Salazars and Godrics. He remembers Sirius at school, and how he was either celebrated or shunned with seemingly no pattern.

After their first shift at the museum, Layla takes Remus to The Lion for lunch, chastising Remus’ prejudices, and introduces him to Leo. Remus sees Leo’s rainbow bracelet and thinks about how badly he wants a boyfriend. We also learn that Luke is also gay, but that he and Remus have always been just friends.

Logan arrives at The Lion, too, is introduced, and listens in on Remus finding out a new exhibit on madness at the museum—the Lupins are known for going insane, but Remus’ mother mentioned nothing to Remus about this exhibit.

Leo learns that Logan is looking for someone (Finn). Logan reflects on a sleepy feeling that seemed to go away with his escape from the orphanage. Leo offers Logan a job, if he wants, and also tells him about The Voldemort.

The Voldemort is a boat from the eighteenth century that is said to have sank in The Cradle, a U shaped arrangement of islands just off of Hogwarts Southern Coast. Leo’s dad was close to finding it. Leo feels like he should want to find it, too, for his lost father.

Saint and Sirius arrive. Saint and Logan see each other for the first time in almost ten years, since Saint escaped when he was seven. Logan tells him that Finn got him out and Saint finds out that Logan sells Crucio.

Pascal, who owns the Lion with his wife Celeste, is introduced. He’s very close with Saint and Sirius, and he apparently knew Leo’s father before he went missing at sea. Saint learns that Logan is staying with Leo.

James and Remus arrive, looking for Dorcas who Thomas said might be selling Crucio to Luke. They’d like her to stop and are willing to pay. Logan takes advantage of this and, although he doesn’t sell to Luke, cons James out of 200 bucks.

Saint learns that Logan has gotten tangled up with The Carrows, the more dangerous of the two Crucio dealers, the other, safer one being Kasey Winter, in the hopes that they will help him get Finn out. Instead, he’s in their debt for using their Crucio himself.

Logan slips and calls Saint Bash. Saint refuses to help Logan get Finn out.

A/N: I super don’t speak Latin. And neither do my trees.

part v

Dorcas watched as Saint took his book from the floor of the back seat and flipped his sunglasses down.

“How long?” he asked. “And how do I keep getting stuck with this job?”

“Because Sirius is a better surfer than you are,” Dorcas replied. “And you know what, you can take off. Her parents are out of town for the weekend so her dad won’t be coming home or anything.”

Saint paused and raised an eyebrow. “And so I just drove you because…”

“I didn’t feel like walking?”

“Clever gal.”

Dorcas smiled. “I know.”

“Whatever, I need the car anyway.”

“What are you up to? I thought you were working at the Potters.”

“Just Sirius today,” Saint threw his book back into the rear seats. “I’ve got some detective work ahead of me.”

“Does this have anything to do with that little friend of yours that Sirius told me about?”

Saint rolled his eyes. “Of course he told you.”

“You know you two can’t keep secrets from me.”

“Don’t I.”

“See you later, babe,” Dorcas opened her door.

Saint gave her a salut as she headed around towards the dug-out fence.

Marlene had her paints out and her hair up in a bun when she pushed the window up and open for Dorcas.

“Luke’s here,” she said, and rolled her eyes as she turned away.

Dorcas froze in the window frame to see Luke with his feet crossed, laying on Marlene’s bed.

“Okay,” Dorcas said. “Can he leave?”

“Hey,” Luke said. “Cousin privileges.”

“Girlfriend privileges,” Dorcas said, shutting the window behind her. “Plus, can’t you go, like, toss a ball at a net with a stick or something?”

Luke rolled his eyes—not unlike his cousin. “I’m on a rest day. Plus, I’m off the team.”

“And whose fault is that?” Dorcas raised an eyebrow.

“He’s just getting out of the house for a bit,” Marlene said with a pointed look that Dorcas understood as he’s getting away from his mother. 

“Plus,” Marlene continued. “He’s a good cover story.”

“I thought your dad wasn’t here.”

Marlene shook her head. “Came home early. Guess his newest gal pal didn’t like golf. He’s over at the club now.”

“What’s his deal, anyway?” Luke asked. He had reached over to the bedside table and put a bowl of what looked like mango slices onto his stomach. “With you two, I mean.”

“I am his little princess,” Marlene said dryly. “Not to be dated.”

“And a Salazar girl who lives in The Hollow?” Dorcas shook her head. “No deal.”

“Right,” Luke said. “Like that’s never happened before.”

Dorcas snorted and sat on the bed, too, stealing a few pieces of fruit. “Like you’re any better than the rest of them, Deveaux.”

“I am,” Luke said. “I don’t hate Salazars.”

“But you hate Hollows.”

Luke grinned. “I don’t hate them, either. They hate me, and what am I gonna do about their jealousy? That’s their issue.”

“God, you’re an asshole,” Dorcas sighed.

“He’s really not though,” Marlene stepped back as she regarded the painting she was working on. Luke’s face looked back out at them from the canvas. “He just likes to make-believe.”

“Could have fooled me and my friends.”

“He’s a great actor,” Marlene agreed, then stuck her tongue out at Luke. “I just happen to have known him before he learned how.”

“All right, fuck you both,” Luke grumbled, and ate another piece of mango.

“Believe me,” Dorcas said. “We’re not jealous of you.”

Luke raised an eyebrow. “You can’t tell me you wish you didn’t have to sell Felix to make a little more money?”

Dorcas narrowed her eyes. “Like you and your money live such a great life.”

Luke looked away, jaw tight.

“Yeah,” Dorcas said. “I’d take Crucio and the friends I have over that any day.” After a moment of hesitation, she looked down and mumbled. “And by the looks of your little habit, so would you.”

“Fuck you, Meadowes,” Luke snarled. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“All right, all right,” Marlene said, tilting her head as she added color to Luke’s cheeks in her painting. “Cool it, kids. Take a chill pill. Knock it down a notch. Luke, why don’t you go get us some pizza or something? Or maybe pick up from Thomas’. I crave his nachos, holy cow. Also, tell him to come hang out later tonight, if he can.”

Luke held Dorcas’ eyes for a moment, then pushed himself up from the bed. “Pepperoni, you?”

“Pineapple and ham, thanks,” Marlene said, and smiled at Dorcas as she patted his back out the door.

“Hi,” Marlene laughed once the door closed behind him. She walked into Dorcas’ arms. She took Dorcas’ face between her hands and peppered kisses to her mouth. “How are you?”

“Worried about basically all of our friends,” Dorcas laughed. “And that one, I guess, too.”

“Tell me about it,” Marlene sighed, laying down on the bed and eating a slice of mango. Dorcas mirrored her position. “No, seriously, if you want to talk about it, I’m all ears. I mean, I’ve got Luke who, one, needs to get out of his house, and two, needs someone to love, like, God, I wish he had a boyfriend. I just want him to get off this island, go to college, and meet the sweetest human in the world, you know?” Marlene sighed again, eyes far away. “He doesn’t act like he deserves that, but…it’s really his family he didn’t deserve. He’s all torn up about his dad, but his dad’s…a schemer. You know? And his mom, don’t even get me started.”

“Maybe he can still meet someone here,” Dorcas replied, and reached out to brush Marlene’s hair away from her face with a smile. “You never know. We didn’t. How long did we spend on this island without knowing each other existed?”

Marlene’s smile faltered in a way that Dorcas was beginning to recognize. It worried her.

“What?” Dorcas asked softly.

Marlene tilted her head. “Hm?”

“You keep doing that,” Dorcas said, tracing a thumb over one corner of Marlene’s mouth. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” Marlene said. “I was just thinking about Luke. I mean, my parents sucks but at least they’re…”

Dorcas raised an eyebrow. “Not in jail?”

“Yeah, I don’t know where I was going with that,” Marlene laughed. She scooted closer, letting Dorcas hitch her thigh over her hip, Dorcas’ thumb rubbing idly over her soft skin. “Now what are you worrying about, lover?”

“Sirius,” Dorcas began. “I don’t know he just…he’s never seemed…happy? Saint. He’s trying so hard to be happy that I know he’s not. And now there’s Logan which I think stirred up a lot of Saint Clair stuff for him. I mean, Jesus, how do we not know what’s up with that place?”

“Gods are good at not paying attention,” Marlene said solemnly.

“Saint never takes that damn cross off,” Dorcas said. “I mean, wouldn’t you want to let it go?”

“Sorry, who’s Logan? He got out? As in escaped? Like Saint did?”

Dorcas nodded. “I haven’t talked to Saint about it yet. Me and Sirius are gonna tag-team later, make him let it out.”

Marlene looked suspicious. “Good luck.”

“We have our ways,” Dorcas laughed. “And Logan…He deals. I know him a little. Not really.”

Marlene nodded, going quiet at the mention of Crucio as she always did.

“I like what it gives me,” Dorcas said gently. “Freedom, Marls. More than any other job here could. At least any job that I could get. And its from Kasey, who makes it safely. Unlike the Carrows. So—”

“You don’t have to explain,” Marlene said, and pushed herself closer. “I know. Really, I know. I’m proud of you. I just wish there wasn’t as much risk.”

“Like the police do anything about it,” Dorcas sighed, running a hand through Marlene’s hair. “They probably like the revenue it brings for the island.”

“Yeah,” Marlene sighed.

“Well,” Dorcas said. “We probably have at least twenty minutes before Deveaux returns with the pizza…”

Marlene smiled and pushed Dorcas’ hat off, leaning over her on the bed. “Oh? Twenty minutes you say?”

~

Saint parked the Jeep between two trees in an overgrow section of a Salazar road.  He knew where The Carrows lived. It was difficult to miss their house. Saint could practically smell the gold and diamonds. He felt like he smell the Crucio, too, the rubber bands and the plastic bags, and the sickly sweet powder.

There was no one outside. The whole grandiosity looked strangely deserted.

Saint reached into the rear again for the latest book he had borrowed from James. Frankenstein. Not one he hadn’t read before, but a good one none the less.

“Don’t know why you want that one,” James had said when he handed it over. They had both been hot from working in the sun—Saint on the lawn, James on his backhand. “I had to write a book report on that in, like, what, ninth grade? Oof.”

“Beluis amicitiam,” Saint had replied.

“How the fuck do you know Latin?” James had said. “You aren’t even at our school.”

“You gave me a book on Latin.”

James nodded. “Right.”

“Well?” Saint had asked. “You’re at school. What’d I say?”

James squinted one eye shut. “Beast…friends?”

Saint had laughed. “Literally, sure.”

Saint opened the book now, rolling the window down in the stuffy car. The AC was broken.

“Monsters like company,” he said aloud into the small space and settled down to wait.

~

Lily didn’t expect to find herself painting an old boat with James Potter on a Saturday afternoon, but painting she was. She dipped the fat brush into the blue paint, trying to wipe her hair out of her face without getting blue in it.

“Still doing okay over there, Lils?”

Lily looked up to see James’ head pop out over the upside-down bow.

“All good,” Lily nodded. “You?”

James smiled. “Yeah. Thanks for helping me out.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Lily said. “Just working on my tan.”

James’ head appeared again, only this time his expression was incredulous. “We both know we both burn.”

Lily laughed. “I guess so.”

The Potter’s had their own, small beach in front of their property, and Lily dug her feet down into the sand, looking at the inviting ocean.

She felt all too awkward after their talk a few nights ago. She had been brash, and almost cruel at some points. James was—good. But she didn’t want to end up like her mother. She didn’t want to stay for someone, like her mother had for her father, and regret it, like she could tell her mother did sometimes.

And if she had wanted someone to come out into the world with her, she couldn’t have picked a worse candidate. James was a Potter, and the Potters were Hogwarts Island’s beating heart. Their money was in every part of this island. Every grain of sand, every brick. Hogwarts Academy, whose headmaster was James’ father.

If Lily loved James, she’d never escape.

And the problem was, she did love James.

“So, I was thinking about doing a movie night or something,” James said from the other side of the boat. “Put a sheet up and a projector. We could lay it all out on the lawn, or by the pool. Get some candy and popcorn and shit, invite everyone.”

Lily cleared her throat. “Yeah, that sounds cool.”

James was at the front now, painting the boat’s nose. “Any suggestions or requests?”

Lily smiled. “Is it too cheesy to do Pirates of The Caribbean?”

James laughed. “Hell no. There’s no better place!”

Lily shrugged. “Then definitely that. Oh, Will Turner.”

James snorted. “Yeah, can’t say no to that.”

Lily smiled at him, and shifted closer to the other side of the bow.

“So, how’s your common-app going?” James asked. “These essays are sort of killing me. I mean, you’re staring out a window. What do you see? What the fuck kind of prompt is that? That’s what’s going to get me into college?”

Lily laughed. “Not to mention asking me why I want to go somewhere. They’re basically forcing me to make something dramatic up.”

“Right. If I’m being, you know, honest, I feel simple, and if I’m embellishing, I feel fake.”

Lily looked up at him. “Exactly. No, that’s—exactly.”

They smiled at each other, paintbrushes poised.

“I don’t know,” James sighed finally. “I’m—I’m sort of worried, Lils.”

“What about Lacrosse?” Lily asked.

James nodded. “That’s what my dad says. And, yeah, I love it, but…sometimes I wonder if it’s more that I love who I’m playing with. Luke, Remus, Thomas.”

Lily nodded, eyes flitting over his face which had gone serious and tense. “Right. No, that makes sense. But J, you’re so smart. And kind.”

James’ smile was small, but his eyes, when he looked at her, were fond. “Not as smart as you. And I can’t get a degree in kindness.”

Lily hummed, thinking. College was a sensitive topic for everyone it seemed. What was supposed to be one of the best parts of their lives was all uncertainty and vagueness. She thought of Marlene, and how she hadn’t told Dorcas about her early-decision acceptance yet. This seemed to be all goodbyes and leave-behinds.

“Sorry,” James cleared his throat. “That was a downer thing to say.”

Lily shook her head. “I’m starting to think college is just a downer thing.”

James smiled, and, even though it was something that had only been gone for a moment, Lily found that she had missed it. James was so bright. “Yeah.”

Lily knew that she was going to say goodbye to James in a year. But for the first time, she wondered how she knew, and when she had decided.

“You’re going to be amazing, Lils,” James said softly. She could tell that they were both thinking of their conversation. He looked down at her with his hazel eyes. “Really, you are.”

Lily meant to say thank you.

Instead, she leaned forward and kissed him. James’ body tensed, and then relaxed. His mouth opened beneath hers and she cupped his cheek, her other palm splayed on his chest. He was warm from the sunlight. He made a soft sound and tilted his head to kiss her again, hand between her shoulders. Then, he pulled back, their foreheads together. There was paint on his chest from Lily’s paintbrush. Blue, right over his heart.

“Lils,” James gasped. He wrapped a gentle hand around her wrist. “Lils, mixed messages, mixed messages…”

He was out of breath. Lily had made him that way. Her own heart was beating out of her chest.

“You’re right,” Lily breathed, and stepped away, drawing a fallen strap of her tank top up her shoulder. “You’re right, God, sorry.”

“No, it’s,” James began. “I mean, that was nice. Really nice.”

Lily sent him a wavering smile over her shoulder. “Yeah. Sorry about—” the paint. Everything.

She watched James out of the corner of her eye as he passed his hand through his hair a few times. This time, he came to stand beside her as they worked quietly.

It only took Lily a few moments to not be able to stand it any more. The feeling of him so close, of wanting him the way she did. He was gentle. He kissed in a way that made her want to melt. He had made her laugh, that night that they spent together, in between those kisses and gentle touches.

“Why did you ask me to do this with you, James?” Lily said. “I mean—aren’t you mad at me?”

James didn’t respond for a moment, but finally turned.

“What, we can’t be friends?” he asked.

“I wasn’t very nice to you the other night,” Lily said, and then groaned. “And—I mean, I feel awful about it but…you understand, don’t you?"

“I’m not here to tie you down, Lily,” James said, eyes firm behind his glasses. “If that’s what you think friends do…I don’t know what to tell you.”

“You’re not my friend,” Lily burst out, and then covered her eyes. “I mean—you are. But you’re…”

“It’s fine, Lils,” James said. When Lily looked up, he was shaking his head and stooping to dip his brush again. “Really, let’s just…let’s paint and tan. I’ll get us some sunscreen.”

“James—”

“You kissed me and then you said we weren’t friends. Forgive me if I’d rather stay where we are than go farther or backwards into those two territories that you seem to not want.”

Lily blinked.

James glanced at her, then away. “I should probably be asking you to leave. But I don’t want to lose you. Not yet. Not now, not if you really think that’s so inevitable.”

Lily stared at him. He was looking resolutely at his work, jaw tight. He looked beautiful, even when he was sad and overwhelmed. Lily was so angry at herself.

She didn’t want to lose him, either.

She timed her paint strokes to his, and they worked beside each other quietly.

~

Saint didn’t find what he expected to find.

Instead of Logan coming up the path, Luke Deveaux passed right by his car and open window.

Luke looked down in passing, probably expecting to see an empty vehicle, and then did a double take when, instead, he found Saint sitting there, Frankenstein in one hand, balanced on the steering wheel, and the other elbow resting out the window.

“Hello, tweedle,” Saint said.

Luke stopped walking. He had a gray t-shirt on with a large, navy Nike swoop on it, and black running shorts. Earbuds dangled around his neck, tangled in the two fine gold chains that hung there and trailing all the way into his pocket, where Saint could see the weight of his phone. He was sweaty, as though he had run here from Godric.

“What?” Luke said.

“Bad move,” Saint replied. “Taking your hit from The Shining twins.”

Luke just stared at him. He pushed his sweaty hair out of his eyes. Saint smiled. He liked Deveaux when he was caught off guard. This had never happened before.

“Well—” Luke began. “You’re here, too.”

“Not like that.”

Luke narrowed his eyes. “You said you didn’t deal.”

“I don’t.”

“So,” Luke’s eyes flit around the Jeep’s exterior. “You just sit in junk cars and read—” Luke looked forward. “Shelley?”

Saint frowned in approval and squinted back towards the house. “You say that almost as if you’ve read it.”

“I have.”

“What, in your ninth grade book report?”

“No, with my—” Luke turned his head away, mouth clamping shut.

“I see,” Saint said after a moment. “A bit of a strange parental bonding choice, but all right.”

“Fuck off,” Luke said. “And what the fuck did you call me?”

That was when Saint spotted Logan. He sat up and unlocked the Jeep doors with a click.

“Get in,” Saint said.

Luke scoffed. “Fuck off.”

“That’s the second time you’ve said that in five seconds. Get in, tweedle, or I’ll tell your mother about your candy addiction.”

To Saint’s slight surprise—he was used to people being drawn to him—that seemed to work and Luke complied, but he walked slowly, distrustfully, around the bonnet before sliding into the passenger seat.

Logan was coming up a different path, one stemming from the back of the house to what looked like a side door.

“She wouldn’t care,” Luke said as he slammed the door.

“You in my passenger seat says differently,” Saint said, and glanced at Luke’s wrist. “Nice watch.”

It was gold and glittery. It looked like it had probably been his father’s, and by no means looked like it should be worn on a run.

“Your car smells like wet dog.”

“I don’t have a dog,” Saint replied, eyes on Logan. He had knocked and was waiting now.

“I was talking about Black.”

Saint glanced at him. “You’re funny, Galileo.”

Luke just shook his head, bringing his t-shirt up to wipe his forehead. “Stop calling me tweedle—you think I’m dumb?”

Saint laughed. “No.”

“All right,” Luke put a hand on the door. “I’m getting out.”

“No,” Saint said, and grabbed Luke’s arm, fingers wrapping around his wrist. “Stay here or you’ll blow this for both of us.”

Luke shook him off and Saint pushed his door open. He began his stride up towards the house without looking back. He wondered if Luke was a snoop. The thought made him smile.

Logan saw him when he was half-way to the door, and rolled his eyes, shoving his hands out in an effort to silently say go back.

“Hello, number ten,” Saint said, leaning beside the door. “Now, who are you waiting for?”

“Saint, don’t.”

“Look, I’m hoping it was me, and if so, your ride’s here.” Saint narrowed his eyes. “Let’s go.”

“What do you care if I’m here?”

Saint looked at Logan’s backpack, the one that was always filled with Crucio. Even at the sight of it he imagined that he could feel the sweet, sleepiness that occupied his nights at the orphanage.

The door opened.

“Oh, look,” Amycus said, resting a hand on the door. “Haven’t seen you in a while. What is it you’re calling yourself these days? Saint.”

“Hello, Amy,” Saint smiled. “Nice to see you, we’re going now.”

“You can’t,” Amycus snarled. “He owes us.”

“I’m sure you haven’t lost that much,” Saint said back evenly.

“Oh yeah?” Amycus laughed. “Why don’t we take a look at green-eyes here’s subconscious. You want something bad enough, you like something enough, something feels good enough, then there comes a point where you don’t even know how far you’ve gone to get it. How much Felix have you taken, do you think, Tremblay?”

Logan just looked down.

“See?” Amycus cocked his head. “He doesn’t know. Which means I make make up whatever number I like.”

Saint nodded, thoughtful. “Interesting. What number is that?”

Amycus just grinned. “Your friend here will know when I tell him.”

“Bullshit,” Logan snapped, and Saint held up a hand.

“We’re going now, and you know what?” Saint leaned in. “You don’t know shit about what he wants.”

“Come back without your handler, Tremblay,” Amycus called after them.

Back at the car, Saint could see Luke reading Frankenstein through the windshield.

“Who’s that?”

“Who you got your two hundred bucks for,” Saint murmured.

“What about the two hundred more you just cost me?”

“You’re welcome,” Saint said, and motioned to Luke to get out.

“And what exactly was I supposed to get out of this?” Luke said, crossing his arms.

“A chit-chat with yours truly,” Saint replied. “Logan, get in the car.”

Logan glared, but took Luke’s place in the passenger seat.

Saint slid back into the driver’s side, took Logan’s backpack from him, and slung it into the back seat.

“Oh,” Saint leaned out his window. “And I’m sure you can go right up now.”

“I’m sure I can,” Luke tossed Saint the book. “Don’t forget Potter’s book. Did you steal it, or what?”

If only he knew, Saint thought. 

“Bye, Luke,” Saint called as he turned out of the grove and down the street. He looked in his review mirror and smiled at the sight of Luke standing, framed in it. Then, he put his arm lazily on the steering wheel and let Luke’s golden watch flash in the sunlight on his wrist.

“You didn’t have to fucking—fetch me,” Logan grumbled.

“Yes, I fucking did.”

Logan turned towards him in his seat, and for a moment Saint thought he was going for his backpack, but Logan just looked at him.

“Look,” Logan said.

“I’m driving.”

Logan ignored him.

“There’s a treasure,” Logan said instead. “Leo told me about it. He thinks his dad knows where it is—The Cradle? Look, I—If we can get it—”

“Oh, good,” Saint sighed. “He sells Crucio and he’s a Voldemort tourist.”

Logan blinked. “You know about it?”

Saint scoffed. “Of course I know about it. Everyone knows about it, Logan.”

“Fine, but—if we can get it, then I can pay off—”

“I’m sorry, excuse me, excuse me,” Saint held up a hand, one on the wheel. The houses went from the tall mansions of Salazar to the workshop rows of Helga, to the low houses of The Hollow. “Did you or did you not just place all of your hopes of freedom on a long lost, legendary treasure.”

“Bash—Saint.”

“Answer the question.”

“It’s not my hope, it’s just an option.”

Saint just shook his head. “I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Come on,” Logan urged as Saint stopped the car in front of The Lion. “Isn’t there something you want? Something that much gold could get you?”

“Come to think of it, there isn’t that much I want, no.”

Logan paused, and then said, “Then, is there something you hate?”

When Saint didn’t reply for enough time, Logan took his backpack and got out of the car.

~

Sirius had dreamed about his little brother last night. Only, he had been on Wolfsbane, and Regulus had been on shore. There had been someone else in the boat, too, someone expertly pulling the ropes and taking Sirius farther out to sea. The wind had been warm.

Sirius had woken up thinking about Remus Lupin.

His entire day was thrown off.

Sirius looked over at Saint. “Are we going to talk about it?”

Saint had his head in Dorcas’ lap and his eyes closed. “Pardon?”

Dorcas and Sirius glanced at each other. “Logan.”

“We were at Saint Clair together. What else is there to say?”

“Maybe how he got out.”

“And why,” Dorcas added, running a hand through Saint’s hair. “It might help if you talked about that place more.”

“I’m good, thanks.”

Sirius groaned. “Saint. Come on, that kid looked freaked talking to you and then he bolted. What’s up?”

Saint sighed, his face opening up into a rare moment of softer eyes, and he sat up, nearly facing away from the both of them.

Sirius listened to the crickets outside. Before, he had just wanted to know about the orphanage. Now, he wanted Saint to not have to keep it all inside.

“When I arrived when I was five, Logan and Finn were already there,” Saint said finally. “And its not like its this horrible place. We have beds and food and we go to school together. We have friends. But we’re also locked away. The nuns are strict. The punishments are old-fashioned. A slap. A few days in solitude. The problem is…”

Sirius got up from his perch on the window and sat beside Saint on the ratty old couch they had dragged in. Saint didn’t look at him, but let him and Dorcas lay gentle hands on him, Dorcas’ on his back, Sirius’ one of his crossed ankles.

“I watched kids turn eighteen,” Saint said, voice steely. “And they’d be packing their bags and then—unpacking them.”

“They,” Dorcas began. “You mean they decided to stay?”

Saint just shook his head slowly. “I still haven't completely figured it out. I think—maybe Crucio has something to do with it. It’s the only thing I can think of that would make them stay. I keep having this—this memory of being so tired at night. And these dreams.”

“The plant Crucio is made out of has Melatonin in it,” Dorcas said, brow creased. “It influences the dreaming. The hallucinations.”

“So, what?” Sirius asked. “They stay for Crucio, you think?”

“They work some,” Saint said. “Around the island. But, yeah. They stay.”

“You think they’re bringing money back?” Dorcas asked gently. “To the orphanage?”

Saint shrugged. “I told you. I haven’t completely figured it out. But I’d rather figure it out from the outside. Even when I was seven, I knew something was wrong. But I was older when I arrived. Finn and Logan had been there since they were too young to recognize something like that. They didn’t know anything else.”

“And…you do?” Sirius asked faintly. Saint had never brought up remembering anything about his prior life, his family.

Saint laughed faintly and got up. “Who knows. That’s the thing about memories, right? We tend to make them worse, or make them better.” Sirius watched him go to the sink and turn it on and off. He opened the refrigerator and then closed it. Finally, he stilled.

“But I hate them,” Saint said, almost to himself. “I hate them for making anything feel real.”

Sirius opened his mouth to respond when Dorcas’ phone lit up with a loud ping.

She picked it up. “From Marlene. Apparently we’re invited to a movie night at Potter’s house.”

“Of course we are,” Sirius sighed, and got up and wrapped his arms around Saint from behind. “What do you feel like?”

Saint looked at him over his shoulder. “Well, how could I ever pass that up?”

~

When Logan didn’t find Leo at The Lion, he went to the Knut’s workshop instead. He’d been in there a handful of times now. It was a crowded room, walls-to-ceiling tools and cupboards that organized different found objects. Sea-glass and shards of blue china. There was large glass jars of things like compasses or pieces of weather vanes hanging by woven rope plant holders from the ceiling. There was a forge that was cool now, and there was a long work bench.

He found Leo on the work bench with the garage door open to the street, shirtless and welding something together.

“Oh,” Logan said instead of announcing himself.

Leo looked up, then back down, sparks flying around him. “Hey, what’s up?”

Logan walked a few steps inside and set his backpack—which was still empty—down.

“I want to help you,” he said.

The sparks stopped and Leo pushed his welding mask up. He was sweaty, his cheeks flushed from the heat. “What? With this?”

Logan rolled his eyes and walked in to straddle the other end of the work bench. “The treasure. We need to find the treasure. Think how rich we’d be.”

Leo stared at him for a long moment, then took his mask off and set his equipment down. For a moment, his face looked thunderous. Logan thought he was about to tell him to get out, but the storm dissipated.

“This isn’t a joke to me,” Leo said evenly after another pause. “And it’s not some greedy game, either. That’s not why my dad looked for things like this. He loved history.”

Logan blinked. “You—you don’t want the money?”

Leo rolled his eyes. “Of course I do. What do you think the finder gets?”

“Then what are you saying?”

“I’m saying don’t make me regret telling you. I’m saying my dad was never one to just pawn things off. He wanted things like that on display, for people to learn from.”

“How very, very noble and grand,” came another voice, and they both looked up to see Saint standing there. He had changed since the last time Logan had seen him. He was wearing a t-shirt that said New Orleans Saints.

“Saint?” Leo said.

“Hi there,” Saint gave a little salute. “I have a movie night to go to, apparently, a nice little godly sleepover, but I thought I’d stop by.”

“What are you doing…” Logan began warily.

“Well, come to think of it, there is something I hate.”

Leo tilted his head. “What is he talking about?”

“Not to mention,” Saint continued, and touched the bottom of the hanging compasses. He studied one, then looked at them and grinned.

“I do like gold,” Saint said.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

Arrange marriage where they knew since they were kids. How will this affect their school life?

The problem with knowing his entire life that he was going to marry Sirius meant that there was never any time to get to know each other. Oh they were forced together plenty of times-- more times than James could count, to be honest-- but they never spent time together just to talk, as friends. Of course, that was probably because they weren't friends. The chance of friendship had been hexed into oblivion when they were all of two years old and their parents signed a marriage contract for them.

They didn't like each other, and that's all there was to it. James tried to stay optimistic and tell himself that they'd grow on each other after they were living together, but every time they were in the same room, his hope for that sank into nothingness. They glared; they sniped; they played pranks on each other that were more mean than entertaining. It got to the point where their parents didn't tell them the location they were meeting at ahead of time so they didn't have time to put anything together.

And that was all before they got to Hogwarts. After that, there was nothing their parents could do to keep them from picking fights with each other.

A month into first year, and they had their nights filled with detention. Their fellow Gryffindors had taken to shunning them for all the points they'd lost, which meant that they spent more time around each other; they just didn't enjoy themselves very much. A while later, they both received strongly worded letters from their parents telling them to clean up their act. At once. Naturally, James and Sirius both went out of their ways to make sure they didn't get caught as often instead of actually being nicer to each other.

When they were thirteen though, they called a truce. James was tired of polishing old trophies-- he was pretty sure he'd cleaned up Hogwarts's entire collection during his years of detention-- and he knew that Sirius was tired of checking his bed for traps every night before he went to sleep.

Calling a truce didn't make them nice to each other, though.

"What the fuck are you eating?" James asked.

"Toast, you berk. When was the last time you got your eyes checked?"

James rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I can see that you're eating toast, arsehole. I meant why?"

"Because it's breakfast. That's when most people eat things like toast."

"Toast doesn't have enough calories. You need to eat more."

"Don't tell me what to do," Sirius said, glaring at him.

Peter sighed heavily. "Aren't you two getting along? I thought you said that."

"What we said was that pranking each other was no longer worth our time," Sirius said. He then took an overly large bite of toast and chewed it angrily. 

"It keeps the dormitory quiet, like you asked," James added. "Really, add beans or something. You're going to starve to death."

"I've managed to not die my entire life without you sticking your nose in my eating habits, and I will continue to be just fine without your input. So bugger off."

"I'll bugger off when you start eating more. You're going to get pissy halfway through Potions, and it's not going to get any better until hours after lunch. We did this exact same thing yesterday! And the day before. And the day before that, too. This entire bloody term, as a matter of fact."

Things continued in that vein until Sirius and James both stalked off for the library, ostensibly to finish their essays for Transfiguration. In truth, they had found out-- separately, of course-- that Remus was a werewolf and come to the same conclusion: the best way to help him out during the full moon would be to become animagi. Far more important than doing homework-- though their homework had already been finished.

*

It was the summer before sixth year, and they had had one glorious month apart. The Black Family had taken a trip back to Thailand, which meant that James had had a glorious thirty days without having to see Sirius or hear his parents tell him that he should go visit him.

Unfortunately, they were back in Britain, and their parents hadn't wasted any time in setting up a date for all of them to have dinner together.

James sighed but didn't put up a fight when it was time to get ready. He'd put up years of resistance, to no avail. Now that they were nearly of age, his parents had been cracking down even harder about his behaviour when it came to Sirius. He prepared himself for a boring evening of sitting in an uncomfortable chair while either ignoring Sirius or exchanging glares with him. The glares would be few and far between because it would involve actually looking at each other, and past that, they couldn't risk getting caught by their parents. They'd mostly taken to being silent while in the same room; it was the easiest way of keeping their truce intact, they'd learned. They didn't say a word to each other in the dormitory unless they absolutely had to.

He thought he knew exactly what to expect from tonight, which is why he was completely thrown when he saw Sirius again.

Sirius was... gorgeous. There was no other way to describe the changes to his appearance. It was nothing big. He hadn't experienced any major changes to his features, but he was different. He'd gone and gotten handsome in their time apart, and James couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was that had changed. All he knew for sure was that when he saw him, his heart skipped a beat, and he felt the familiar stir of arousal in his stomach-- a familiar feeling in general, but never when it came to Sirius. He didn't like Sirius. He'd never fancied him or thought about him with anything approaching happiness. He was stuck with Sirius, and that's all there was to it.

Except... well, except it felt different now. He couldn't take his eyes off Sirius. Or- he could, but his gaze kept going back to Sirius like they were magnets, drawn together. No one said anything to him about his staring, but he didn't fool himself into thinking that meant no one had noticed it.

After dinner, James and Sirius were left alone. The idea was that they could talk and get to know each other better before they got married. They'd never really used the time for that. Last year during the summer, they sat in separate chairs and didn't say a word the entire time. It had been better than the year before, where they kept poking at each other-- sometimes literally, sometimes only with their words.

This time, James felt too uncomfortable to sit. He crossed his arms over his chest and stood awkwardly. Sirius threw himself into a chair, managing to look graceful instead of flopping around like a fish out of water, which is what James looked like when he tried to do the same thing at home.

"Are you feeling alright?" Sirius asked. "You were acting weird at dinner."

"Fine."

Sirius snorted. Instead of annoying James like it usually did, he found himself reluctantly charmed. "Right, because this is what you act like when you're fine."

"If you're such an expert on how I act, then why don't you already know what's wrong with me?"

"I didn't say anything was wrong with you; I said you were acting weird. And you are. If you want to pretend like you're not, that's your bloody business, and I'm sorry I bothered to ask."

James wanted to snap back. At this point, it was a reflex. Sirius was right; he didn't have to ask, but he had anyways. Sirius had been under no obligation to ask if he was feeling alright, but he had. It was a sign of him reaching out. James had no idea why he had tried, but now that he was feeling differently, maybe he shouldn't discourage it. After all, they were going to be married. They were going to have to spend the rest of their lives together. He might as well try to get along with Sirius before they were forced to live together full time, with only each other for company in the house. (At least, alone until they had kids, but that was a completely different problem, one he didn't want to worry about for another ten years or so.) "No, sorry, I just... I dunno. I feel out of sorts." He forced himself to relax and sat on the couch. "How was your trip to Thailand?"

Sirius looked at him suspiciously for a moment-- likely wondering why he was asking-- but he replied, "Regulus was so nervous he barely left the house, but other than that it was good."

"Why was he nervous?" James asked, frowning.

"He thinks that he isn't fluent in Thai. Which he is. But because of it, he didn't want to talk to anyone or go to any stores, and if we went out to eat, he refused to order for himself."

"That sounds really buggering annoying."

"He's just a nervous sodding berk. At this point, I'm not convinced that he's made of anything but anxiety."

"Lovely."

"Mm," Sirius hummed. "What've you been up to this summer? Quidditch?"

"How'd you guess?" James said dryly, but he was smiling.

"Don't you think you practice enough?"

"Normally, yes, but I'm going to be captain next year. I need to do better."

"Right, because being better than everyone else at Hogwarts is a clear sign that you're slacking."

"Why Sirius, that almost sounded like a compliment."

Sirius tossed him a smirk. "Don't let it go to your head."

It was too late for that. Sirius was horribly attractive now, and on top of it, he was being nice to James. James didn't stand a chance.

*

"What the hell are you doing?" Regulus asked.

Sirius didn't jump in surprise-- which was good, because it would've ruined his eyeshadow-- but he was startled. Regulus usually couldn't sneak up on him. "Putting on makeup, what's it look like?" he responded evenly.

"Right, but why? You're going over to the Potter's; it's not as if you need to look nice."

Sirius ignored that. He decidedly did not appreciate the realisation that came across Regulus's face.

"You fancy him. You've hated James for years, but now you fancy him."

"I'm sure I don't know what you mean," Sirius said, putting down the brush and checking his work.

"You're a sodding liar," Regulus said, grinning widely. "I am happy for you. It would've been horrible if you married him while still despising him. That being said, does he know that you like him now? Because I don't think all the makeup in the world is going to clue him in to how you feel."

"I don't feel anything."

Regulus snorted. "Sure. Have fun getting lunch with your fiance."

"I will. You can have fun sitting in your room refusing to go anywhere or do anything."

"I will," Regulus said, sticking out his tongue because he wasn't nearly as grown-up as he liked to pretend. Fortunately, Sirius couldn't care less how grown-up he was or wasn't.

Sirius none-too-kindly shoved Regulus out of the washroom and checked his hair in the mirror. He didn't have time to do anything fancy, but he needed to make sure it wasn't sticking up or summat. Unfortunately, it wasn't behaving. He grabbed some gel and tried to tame it into place.

He didn't quite know why he was bothering. Regulus was right; if James still thought that Sirius didn't like him, then it wouldn't really matter how good he looked. And beyond that, there was the concern that, well, even if James did know that Sirius liked him and thought that he looked good, he'd seen Sirius looking all kinds of mussed and grumpy. It didn't make a difference how good Sirius could look now, because James knew how not good he looked first thing in the morning.

And all of that being said, Sirius was pretty sure that James fancied him. At least a little. Okay maybe it was a stretch to say that he fancied Sirius, but he definitely found him fit. His eyes lingered far too much and in too fond a way for him to still hate Sirius. Besides, he might be going over to the Potter's house right now, but James was the one that had asked him, not his parents. Sirius thought this might count as their first official date, and instead of making him nauseous-- like the thought of it had for so many years-- it made him excited. The two of them had spent their entire lives hating each other simply because their parents had gotten them engaged, but now they were finally talking. Sirius knew things about James that weren't connected to what bothered him and how much.

*

Moony and Wormtail blinked at them. "You're sitting next to each other," Wormtail said, stunned.

"Well spotted," Sirius said.

"Voluntarily," Moony added.

"Are you going somewhere with this?" James wondered aloud.

"I think mostly we're wondering what the hell happened over the summer. Do you like each other now?" Remus asked.

Sirius and James shared a look. Then they turned to Remus and nodded.

"That's... good, right?" Peter said. "Like, you're getting married next year. I was half-convinced you were going to murder each other, but you'll be fine now, right?"

"Yes, but I feel the need to point out that we wouldn't have killed each other. It's in the marriage contract," Sirius said.

"Please tell me you're joking," Moony said, making the face he always did when he learned about pureblood norms.

James shook his head. "Nope, it's in there. You lose your magic if you murder your spouse. Besides, we didn't hate each other that much."

"Could've fooled me," Peter said. "And, y'know, everyone else that's ever seen the two of you interact."

"Ancient history, mates," Sirius said carelessly. It was sort of ancient history, at least. He could see it happening again if he tried to kiss James and was rejected. Sirius was self-aware enough to know that he wouldn't take that rejection with grace. In fact, he knew that he would become positively impossible to live with if that happened. He was counting on that not happening, though. It's why he hadn't tried it yet. He was giving it time. Enough time that James should make the first move, in his opinion.

He had personally made the first several steps to repairing their relationship, so this one was on James. Hopefully, James would clue in to that before too long. Sirius was willing to wait for him to catch up, but that didn't mean he wanted to wait forever.

*

Sirius had his hand held out in front of him, admiring the engagement ring. James, he'd learned, was an incurable romantic. They had both known that they were going to be married the summer after their eighteenth birthdays for as long as they could remember. It had been a political move by their parents, and no one had been surprised that they weren't immediately in love with each other. Now that they were horribly, sappily in love, James said that he wanted for their engagement to feel different now.

There had been several stipulations to it, some of which Sirius was happily on board with, others more reluctant. The engagement ring, for example, felt nice. James had picked it out himself-- had designed it, actually, since he'd said that buying one already made didn't feel right. Getting a ring made Sirius feel like their relationship was different. He also liked James (half-jokingly) calling him Mr. Potter-Black when they saw each other first thing in the morning. It was sweet, even if it was clear that James liked to say it a lot more than Sirius liked hearing it.

The things- well, thing, because it was only the one thing that Sirius didn't like-- the thing that Sirius didn't like, leading up to the wedding, was that James said they shouldn't do more than some light snogging. He said it would make their married life feel more special if they saved the rest of their physical relationship for after the ceremony. Sirius saw the appeal to that in an abstract way, but in the tangible way, he was horny and James was sodding fit. Not to mention, he was a bloody teenager. He was never going to be more sexually frustrated than when he was this age-- at least, he hoped so, because if it got worse he was going to die-- and he had a boyfriend who he knew for a fact was attracted to him, and yet they weren't going to do anything.

This was his fault. He'd agreed to it. If he'd stuck out his bottom lip and looked James directly in the eye and whispered, "Please?" James would've caved. But no, Sirius had wanted to be a good partner, so he'd said they could wait. And okay, it's not like he really minded, and he had no intention of changing his mind, but it was impossible not to imagine what it would be like to be able to roll into James's bed and finally have a hand other than his own.

Point is, his engagement ring was gorgeous, and it was much nicer to look at the ring and feel butterflies in his stomach rather than stress about the fact that he was going to be a husband soon, and he didn't know if he knew how to fill that role.

Next to him, Regulus groaned in annoyance. "If I had known you would be this insufferable, I never would've wanted you and James to like each other."

"How rude," Sirius said mildly. "Isn't it pretty?"

"Yes."

Sirius looked over at him. "You didn't look at it."

"I've seen it before, shocking as the concept might be to you. I swear, falling in love made you lose half of your brain."

"Still smarter than you are."

"You're older; you're supposed to be smarter right now."

"Keep telling yourself that."

Regulus glared at him. "Don't you want to go bother James about something?"

"No," Sirius said shortly, and his brother raised an eyebrow. "He's busy all day."

"Then write him a letter, telling him how much you miss him."

"You know, Reggie, if my pining is bothering you, you're welcome to go read in another room. Say, your own?"

"What's stopping you from pining in your room? Why do I have to be the one to leave?"

"Because I was here first," Sirius said with a smile. "And you're the one who's getting annoyed."

Regulus hmph'd but didn't move, other than to sink down further in his seat.

Sirius turned back to admiring the ring. It really was gorgeous. He wondered if it would look better if he painted his nails. After a minute, he pulled his parchment back to him and wrote James a letter, as Regulus had suggested. It wasn't anything terribly important, and it didn't contain anything he hadn't said a dozen times before. He missed him, he loved him, he couldn't wait until they got to see each other again.

He sent it off, and it was less than an hour later that he got a reply.

Sirius,

I wish I had time to say more, but I miss you too. Everything's so sodding busy right now, but I should be free this weekend, if you wanted to spend some time together?

Yours,

Love James

Sirius stroked his thumb over the word 'love', treasuring it. It was silly and it made him feel like maybe he was too heavy in this, but James loving him was nothing short of a miracle. And it was a miracle he was going to appreciate every day. 

[cunningambitousdetermined]

I Loved You (young!Sirius x Reader)

um ok so i've never written anything and posted it somewhere before but i saw @vogueweasley's 1k writing challenge and i decided why not. actually there are many reasons not to but i hope that someone will have some form of constructive criticism. so yeah, worst case if you hate it um sorry. and thanks @vogueweasley for giving me an oppurtunity. i decided to do sirius x reader (even though i ship wolfstar sorry) here it goes with the prompt: "Did it mean anything to you?" Did I mean anything to you?"

Sirius Black was in love. That was the fact of the matter. Anyone who knew him from Hogwarts would have said that it was a lie. It would pass. Sirius Black, in love? The playboy of Hogwarts, breaker of all hearts? He was in love? It was a phase, they said, she wouldn’t last. If Y/N was being honest, she hadn’t thought it would last either. She was right. 

It had all started when Remus Lupin had introduced them on the train their first year. Y/N was Remus’s best friend and had ever since he could remember. Growing up, they read books, drew pictures and did everything together. She was there after every full moon. She would read books to Remus and bring silly old movies. She was a muggleborn so it had been quite a shock to her and her parents when they found out about Remus’s family. But Y/N had been there when he’d been bitten. They had been sleeping in a tent in the basement of Remus’s house when Greyback had tore threw the window and attacked. She remember every part of that night. The breaking of the short windows, glass shattering, the growling, the tearing of flesh. Greyback’s face was what haunted Remus’s nightmares but his screams haunted hers. When Y/N received her letter, her parents were thrilled, not to mention Remus, who was ecstatic at the prospect of spending all their time in school together. Y/N had left to go change when Sirius Black and James Potter slipped into Remus’s compartment. From what Remus gathered, they had bumped into each other after Sirius pranked his family and James helped him escape. Y/N proudly straightened her tie, she was a witch. She was going to Hogwarts, with Rem. Her giddy smile hadn’t left her face since she had gotten the letter. Diagon Alley was even better. Her mum and dad hadn’t come but Hope and Lyall had taken her with pleasure. They took her to all the shops and helped her buy everything. Remus had laughed at her star struck face when she proclaimed loudly “I love magic!”. She never wanted to leave. 

She walked briskly back to Remus with a bounce in her step. Only an hour or so and they would be there. She heard voices and laughter coming from the compartment and wondered if Remus had already made new friends. She smiled at the thought, he had been so scared to come. Being the first werewolf he was afraid of anyone knowing. She had assured him that nothing would happen and he would make lots of friends, and looked like she was right. She slid the door open, a proud smirk gracing her features. 

“Y/N!” Remus leaped up and pulled her to the seat next to him. Next to her sat a boy with dark brown unruly hair and glasses perched on his nose. His smile scrunched up his blue eyes and brought out his rather large dimples. The boy across from them was what really caught her eye. He had chin length black hair and the most beautiful eyes she had ever seen. When he smiled, his whole face lit up. “Y/N, meet Sirius Black”

That was the start of a friendship that rivaled her and Remus. Despite being a Hufflepuff, she was an honorary Marauder. In her second year, she learned to become an Animagus to help Remus. Remus had been furious and terrified but he would be forever grateful for her sacrifice. In her third year, the rest of the Marauders found out and became Animagus themselves. James, a stag. Peter, a rat. Sirius and her were dogs. Except she was golden where he was black. They were inseparable. And it was no secret that no matter how many girls Sirius slept with, there was only one that was on his mind. 

Sirius Black had been in love in like with Y/N for years. He had found her stunning on the train but he was young and naive then. He had since grown up and become someone new. They were the best of friends. Sirius and her were both Beaters on their quidditch teams leading to a never ending rivalry. But, it was the way she listened that set her apart from the rest. There had been one particular night when he had just gotten a letter from home. The letter was all sorts of cruel and no matter how hard he tried to keep his bad boy façade up, all he wanted to do was cry. Remus and Y/N were reading to each other, as they did often in an armchair in the common room when Sirius had sped by, tears in his eyes. Y/N had barely glanced at Remus before she quickly followed him. Sirius burst into his dorm and threw himself on the bed. He then proceeded to punch the wall. Again, and again, and again. Suddenly, a soft hand pulled his back from the wall. “Siri, Siri stop...” It was Y/N. Dimly aware of the tears streaming down his face, he had let her drag him to his bed and wipe his tears. She had bundled him up in her arms, his head in her lap as he sobbed and sobbed for at least 30 minutes. When all his tears had run out and he was finally aware of himself again. His cheeks flamed as he realized how he had let Y/N see him. Crying and angry. He made to get up but your hand that was running through his hair stilled and she pulled it away but kept him on the bed with a firm pull. 

“Y/N- I- Let’s just forget this. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to have you see that” he muttered as he again tried to pull away. He hated himself. A disgrace. Embarrassment. Right now the only thing he wanted to do was cave. Fall asleep and never wake up. Ever. He hated himself and for her to see him as himself without any mask, she was sure to hate him too. “Just go” he mumbled. She silenced him with a stern look. Then she softened and pressed her hand to his cheek, thumbing over his tear stains. 

“Siri, let me help you. You need to let someone help you. What’s going on?” Maybe it was something about her eyes, so deep and pleading. Or maybe it was her soft smile or her thumb running over his cheekbone that made him spill it all to her. He told her everything. His parents, the shunning, the yelling. She had listened, flinching along the way. And when he was done, she had told him things that no one had said to him before. She had promised that she would always be there. Her soft voice and words eased him and slowly his tears stopped. And she had held him for the rest of the night, rocking him until he fell asleep, her words ringing in his head. “You are perfect, Sirius Orion Black, and to hell with anyone who thinks you’re not”

 That wasn’t the last time that he had cried to her, spilled his secrets. He found himself going to her, letting his guard down. When he was happy and, most of the time, in trouble, she was there to help him plan his next prank. And when he was sad, most of all then, she was there to help him. She tore up his letters and comforted him. Her soft nature at those times was such a soothing presence in contrast to his anger and self loathing. He had never let himself be so vulnerable with anyone. And maybe that was why he found himself falling harder and harder for her every day. 

“REMUS LUPIN!” Y/N cried, “YOU LET ME GO THIS INSTANT!” She was laughing as Remus continued to run through Hogsmeade with Y/N thrown over his shoulder. Sirius couldn’t deny that it made a little bit of green tinge the ends of his vision. “Ya know, Moony, I never realized you had such a nice arse...” she remarked with a chuckle. Remus threw her down into the soft snow and stuck his tongue out at her. She laughed and reached a hand out for Remus to help her up. Sirius could see the look in her eye from here, Remus was done for. Remus grabbed her hand but she dug her feet into the snow and yanked him down with her. He yelped and crashed down, half on top of her. Sirius laughed but couldn’t help the pit in his stomach as she leaned in and whispered something in Moony’s ear. He looked away, he didn’t want to see it. Moony burst out laughing but Sirius didn’t take his eyes off of James, who was enthralled at the new Cleansweep broom. 

Thunk. Something cold and wet had hit Sirius’s hair. He whipped around, snow dripping down his cheek and that’s why Y/N erupted in laughter. She was doubled over, cheeks red and hand clapped over her mouth as she lost it. Something about the shock on Sirius’s face with the snow falling off his hair and Y/N’s contagious laughter made Remus join in. The pair rolled around in the snow, cackling. Sirius grinned, so this was how they wanted to play it. While they laughed at him, he balled up his fist with snow and prepared to throw. Y/N squealed, her smile still lighting up her whole face. “No, no, SIRIUS, NO!!:” Sirius and Remus exchanged a look and Remus dove out of the way as Sirius launched his first snowball. “TRAITOR!” she yelled at Remus, “Traitor!” Her heart was light and her smile wide as she watched the joy on Sirius’s face. It had been a while since she’d really seen him just let go. She was so caught up, she didn’t see Remus aiming until a snowball hit her scarf and slid down her sweater. Remus widened his eyes, that was not good. “Oh really, Moony, I don’t think so...” she narrowed her eyes at him. James had turned around and not one to miss out, ran to help her. “Thank you James,” she smiled sweetly, “At least some of you are decent,” she teased, looking back at Sirius and Remus. 

James smirked, he was a man on a mission. Make Sirius jealous. “Of course love. Anytime” he winked and wrapped his arm around her waist. He saw the muscles in Sirius’s hand flex at the movement and smirked. This was too easy. Y/N had already begun collected all her snowballs and started to pummel the boys with them. Remus was running back and forth, screaming, trying to avoid James’s deadly aim. Y/N was laughing so hard her jaw hurt as she attacked Sirius with snowballs. Her whole body felt warm and fuzzy, this was a Patronus worthy moment. 

As the Marauders trudged back to Hogwarts, sopping wet and drunk on happiness, James kept his arm around Y/N and let her take his scarf. Sirius refused to look at them. His stomach clenched at the sight of James’s hand on her waist. When they had made it back to the boy’s dorm, Y/N rifled through James’s things until she came back from the bathroom, clean and warm, in James’s quidditch jumper and an old pair of leggings she’d left a while ago. His heart fell when he saw her leap onto James’s bed and put her head on his shoulder. His happy mood vanished as she laughed at something James was saying. He plopped on his bed, it was supposed to be his bed she was getting warm in, his jokes she was laughing at and his clothes she was wearing! He grabbed the map and watched the people float around, just having a good time. The weather was perfect for sledding and ice skating and that seemed to be where most kids were. 

Unfortunately, he was still subject to Y/N and James laughing and talking. The closer James leaned in to her, the more his anger bubbled. James knew! The prat knew he was in love with her! And he was still doing it! Yes, he knew he wasn’t good enough for her, but come on! Right in front of him? His anger reached it’s peak when James leaned in to her ear and pulling away, pressed a feather light kiss to her cheek. Whatever James had said had made her laugh lightly and her already pink cheeks to flush brilliant red. Then with a last wink, James hopped up and left the room. No bye or anything, it was a bit odd actually. Remus gave Sirius a meaningful look as he crossed the room and followed James out, Peter scurrying after them. 

Sirius shot her a confused look only to find that she wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were trained on James’s jumper sleeves as she pulled and twisted it. His anger rose again as he remembered who’s jumper you were wearing and the kiss that had come along with it. “Well why don’t you go after your boyfriend, Y/N?” he sneered.  Her head jerked up in confusion. The way he said boyfriend had been with such disgust. Even the way he said her name. He sounded like Malfoy and those pureblood snobs. 

“He’s not my boyfriend!” She shot back, James and his stupid plan. Why had she done this? He claimed that he had made Sirius jealous but she knew that the boy didn’t have feelings her. All she’d done was make him angry. She was going to murder James if Sirius wasn’t her friend anymore after watching James disgustingly flirt with her all afternoon. 

“Well, you sure looked pretty cozy!” Sirius yelled, he was furious, all his pent up emotions leading to one big explosion. He leapt up from his bed and stormed over to where Y/N sat, her legs dangling over the edge of James’s bed, and planted himself between her legs. 

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Y/N whispered, he was so close, his grey eyes swirling with emotion. Anger, sadness, and maybe something more, she didn’t know. She inhaled and his scent of sugar and campfire filled her nose. Sirius looked down at her, his eyes flicking to her lips, the lips that he had been tortured by for years. And he kissed her. His hands cupped her cheeks and he ran his thumbs across her face. She stilled, shocked, was this real? But she didn’t think on it as she kissed him back, hands threading through his dark locks, pulling him down. Sirius groaned and pulled away, looking at this wonderful girl. She smiled shyly and tucked a piece of his hair behind his ear. Yeah, he was a goner. 

That was the start of probably the happiest time in Sirius’s life. And Y/N’s. Sirius was the best boyfriend anyone could ask for. They had been best friends before so they slipped very easily into the relationship. Y/N started spending less time in her dorm and more time asleep in Sirius’s bed. She had been the first to say ‘I love you’ because she did. She really did. And when she had, Sirius had been shocked. She loved him? His body had gone into overdrive and he just started crying. He was so goddamn lucky. Unbeknownst to Y/N, he watched her every minute of every day. He admired her. And she was his world. Without her, he didn’t know what he would do. His whole being ached for her when he was at the Potters. When they left school that summer and he went home to that desolate place that held no meaning to him, he was miserable. His muscles felt to weak to do anything and his mind just told him to go to sleep and never wake up. 2 weeks in, he hadn’t even gotten up the courage to open Y/N’s letters. It made his heart hurt just to see her owl drop them off. So naturally when she showed up at his house while his parents were at the Malfoy Gala, he was shocked. His summer turned from his worst to his best. When no one was around, she crept back in and they spent the summer playing quidditch and cuddling by the fire. Sleepy kisses on tired eyes, quiet ‘I love you’s’. Sirius would watch her as she slept in his arms, his clothes, in his bed and he would cry. Softly and not out of pain, but out of happiness. This girl, she had brought him back to Earth, gave him a reason to live. She was his home. His silk sheets would tangle her legs and his old muggle shirts would fall to her knees and he couldn’t have been happier. He had been drowning and she had saved him. She had brought him back to life. 

They were blissfully unaware that they had made a fatal mistake. Regulus. Regulus saw her come in and out and saw them fly around, laughing and loving each other like no one else could see them. But he could and when his mother asked him questions, he didn’t lie. 

“I love you” Sirius whispered into Y/N’s hair, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” She was wrapped in his covers as they just sat, enjoying being with each other. He relaxed against her and she sighed happily. 

“I love you too Siri”

Their sixth year at Hogwarts had come. They were closer then ever after the summer they had spent together. Classes were the same but something had changed. Y/N was just so so happy. She felt invincible. But, she wasn’t. She was mortal and she could still feel pain. 

She walked down the corridor after Charms, parting with Sirius and headed back to her dorm to change out of her uniform. She was cheerily walking, book in hand as she skimmed the pages, making sure she didn’t run into anyone. When she glanced up next, a group of Slytherins stood at the end of the hall, just where she needed to turn to get to the common room. It was Regulus, Sirius’s brother, and some of Sirius’s cousins. She pasted on a smile and made to pass them, not wanting any trouble. You’re fine, she reassured herself but her racing heartbeat said otherwise. She strode past them and gave Regulus a small nod. Just as she thought she was home free, a hand flipped out and grabbed her arm. Her whole body froze and she swallowed a scream. Regulus had her by the arm and marched her down the opposite corridor to an empty corner.

“Regulus! Let me go!” Y/N whispered, “Sirius will hurt you, and I don’t want that.” Even though he had trapped her here, she still felt the urge to protect him. He was Sirius’s family after all. 

“I’m just trying to help you Y/N” he replied, “I won’t beat around the bush. You can’t see Sirius.” The frustration in Y/N spiked into anger, fire licking at her insides. 

“You cannot tell me what to do! Sirius is my boyfriend, who are you to say differently?” She spat at him, disgusted. Stop seeing Sirius, he must be insane. 

“Please, it’s for your own good.” he said and handed her a stack of papers. She looked down at them in confusion. “I found them in his room,” Regulus dropped his voice “My mum found out too, and she wrote you a letter as well,” He dropped another letter into her hand. This one was sealed in an envelope. She made to turn away but Regulus was looking at her expectantly. 

“You want me to open them here?” She asked, incredulous. “What do they say?” Regulus just shook his head and slid down to sit on the floor. He patted the spot next to him. Y/N sighed and sat down and opened the first letter. 

Dear Miss Y/N,

It was recently brought to our attention that our Sirius was in a relationship with you. Now, as we are sure you are aware, we cannot have someone like you sullying the name Black. We hope this letter finds you in good health and able to fulfill our wishes. I, Walburga Black, command you to break off all relations with my son, Sirius Orion Black.  You are not and never will be good enough for this house. You are nothing, nothing but a filthy mudblood. You ruin my son and you will only further his destruction. If you do not comply, I do hope that you understand that we will do everything in our power to stop this. But, I believe you are a smart child, for a mudblood, and I hope that I will not have to waste anymore time or breath on you. 

The Noble House of Black

“Your joking, right?” Y/N laughed, “I couldn’t do that to him, I wouldn’t! I don’t care about some Noble House of Black!” She again went to get up but Regulus caught her wrist. 

“Y/N, I don’t want you to have to do this either, but I think you should. Look at the notes from Sirius. He wrote those this summer. I found them and then my mum gave me the letter. I don’t want my mum to be the reason you break it off but there’s more to the story. I just don’t want you getting hurt in the end.” Anyone else would’ve told her that there was no way he really cared, but Y/N insisted upon seeing the good in everyone so she sat down again and opened the notes.

June 28

Y/N came to see me. Dear god, that women is going to be the death of me. Y/N smiled, remembering the day she had snuck in. I can’t wait to tell Mum all about how I had her, in the bed she bought for me. The filthy mudblood tangled in her sheets that she bought. Y/N’s face fell along with her heart. Mudblood? He would never. Y/N, so naïve, really thinks I’d be into her. That’s what makes it perfect. She would never guess that her only purpose is to spite my mother. Like I really care. It doesn’t help that I get sex. I mean I could have any girl but damn, she gave herself to me to fast. Even I didn’t know I was that good. Either way, she has to find out eventually. I mean I can’t marry her. Mudblood. Imagine that. She’s not even pretty. Kind of fat actually. More hips then I normally see...

The notes went on and on and on. Y/N felt her heart crack and shatter. Tears streamed down her face. She was just a mudblood that he had used. She felt dumb and most of all, betrayed.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N” Regulus said, “I just wanted to make sure you knew.” She turned away in an a

She didn’t respond just gathered the letters and fled. In her dorm, she flopped on to her bed and just cried. She cried for the boy who she thought loved her, who she still loved. She cried because she wasn’t good enough, because she nothing at all. The girls in her dorm had soon filed in and tried to pry the story out of her. She just tossed the letters at them and continued crying. Jane, one of the girls, held her as she shook and sobbed until she fell asleep. She refused to go to any classes the next day, or the next week. She didn’t eat, she didn’t sleep. All she wanted do to was die. Dark circles lived under eyes and her bones began to show through. There was nothing the girls could do, she had shut herself inside the curtains of her bed. Her heart had been broken and she was pretty sure there was no putting it back together. 

The Marauders were worried. Y/N hadn’t been in class in weeks and many teachers were getting suspicious. Remus had tried to visit her but the Hufflepuff girls had barred his way through. Sirius was going mad without her. He couldn’t focus in class, his eyes were always on her empty seat. He laughed and joked with the Marauders but his smiles didn’t reach his eyes. His dreams were filled of her. Her. Her laugher, her smile, her hands, her lips on his. Finally, he’d had enough. James mentioned missing Y/N to Remus and him in the common room and that was it. “I’m going to get her” He said and he stormed out. Remus could feel the anger radiating off of him and knew he would need to be there to put the fire out. He ran off behind him and trailed him to the dorms. The Hufflepuff dorms were one of the hardest to get into so they waited until a boy came out and Sirius stormed in. Remus tried to grab Sirius and calm him down but it was to no avail. He was already charming the stairs and starting up. 

“Sirius! Please! Just calm down!” Remus cried, desperately trying to pull him back. Knowing him, he might say something he would regret.

“No Remus.” Sirius’s voice was colder then Remus had ever heard it. “My girlfriend is ignoring me and I intend to figure out why.” Sirius ripped the door open and found Y/N’s curtains drawn shut. Before Remus could say anything, Sirius had flung the curtains open. Remus watched Sirius freeze, his whole body tense. He stepped forward to look past Sirius and was shocked. Y/N was curled on the bed, eyes wide. She had bags and purple circles under each eye. Her cheeks were sunken in, and her shirt hung off of her in a odd way. She looked like shit. 

“Si-Sirius?” she whimpered, and her eyes filled with tears. Remus looked at the bed and found pictures shattered and things thrown everywhere. She was a mess.

“Yes.” Sirius snapped, “You know, your BOYFRIEND!” Y/N flinched and her face hardened. 

“Oh really? OH REALLY? MY BOYFRIEND?!” she yelled, fury edging in her tone.

“YES YOUR BOYFRIEND!” he screamed back, his face red and his hands gesturing wildly. 

“ARE YOU SURE? I THOUGHT I WAS JUST A MUDBLOOD, TOO NAIVE, TOO UGLY FOR YOU! I LOVED YOU AND LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO THAT! I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!” She was out of bed now and standing chest to chest with Sirius. On the last word she shoved him back and caught off guard he stumbled into Remus. Remus was in shock, what had happened? “Did it mean anything to you? Did I mean anything to you?” With that you turned on your heel and ran out of the dorm. Sirius stood and watched as you got smaller and smaller and with step she took, his anger ebbed a little. And then she was gone, leaving behind the boy who loved her. 

[salazarslytherin]

player, heartbreaker (wolfstar)

requested: nope! written for @acosmis-t ’s writing challenge! send in your own request here

summary: in which sirius breaks remus’ heart- not for the first time, but definitely the last.

prompts: 6. “i love you.”, “no you don’t” 8. “how was i such an idiot, to believe that you, out of all people, could ever love me?” 13. “maybe they were right. you never did change.”

cw/tw: angst, cheating, just tears, and a whole lot of em

word count: 2.4k

🃛 masterlist!

a/n: if you enjoyed this oneshot please consider reblogging and/or dropping me a follow! it’ll help me out a lot :)

I love you.

Those three words meant so much to Remus. Shunned by so many throughout his life, coming to Hogwarts and feeling the warm embrace of friendship and the overwhelming amounts of love that came with it made him lightheaded, feeling as if he were floating on air.

Those three words had made Remus excuse so much. Times he’d gotten in trouble with McGonagall because of a stupid prank Sirius had pulled and blamed on him.

“She’ll pull me out of quidditch for this! You’re the perfect student, she’ll let you off the hook! I love you Moony!��

Remus wasn’t let off the hook, but he never held it against Sirius.

Dangerous and idiotic pranks were forgiven- like the Full Moon Incident with Snape in fifth year. The Black heir had grovelled and apologised, spending many nights on his knees, begging for Remus’ forgiveness.

“Moony I’m so sorry, I was just, infuriated by the sheer audacity of Snivellus. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I love you, and I would do anything to prove to you that I can make it up to you.”

It took another full moon for Remus to forgive him, but he never forgot the heartbreak and betrayal that the incident had brought him.

Yet, he didn’t hold it against him. Because it was Sirius Black.

The first boy to show him friendship, the first boy to show him affection, the first boy to show him love.

⚔︎.

Not long after the Incident, the love between the two had blossomed- growing from a platonic, brotherly love to one that was more complicated.

One was the Prince of Gryffindor; the biggest player and heartbreaker that Hogwarts had seen in decades. Flirting and fucking girls and boys alike, Sirius Black left behind him a trail of tears and heartbreak. Yet he was never resented for it, because that’s just who he was.

Sirius Black, the serial heartbreaker.

The other was quiet. The most unassuming member of the Marauders- studious and always willing to help others regardless of house and year. A Werewolf littered with scars, but the gentlest person you could ever meet. Remus Lupin was the kindest soul you could find, but vicious when you needed him to be. Although quiet, he was charming and outgoing, the kind of person you could have a beer with, but also come to for your troubles.

Remus Lupin, the kindest boy at Hogwarts.

The two were best friends, but perhaps there was always a little bit more.

Sirius was openly bisexual, flamboyant and flaunting of his sexuality, he flirted with anyone and everyone.

Rumour has it he tried to flirt Filch out of detention once.

Remus was gay, but only told others when asked. He didn’t think his sexuality was anyone’s business, perhaps except his and his partner’s only.

As a result of these two polar opposites that were too similar for their own good, there was always an underlying sense of attraction. Remus would watch Sirius from behind a book, smiling at his jokes, laughing at his antics.

Sirius always admired Remus’ scars, equating them with bravery and beauty.

One day, the attraction had just clicked, and the words “I love you Moony” became “I’m in love with you, Moony.”

The stolen glances turned into shared, lingering looks in classes after a make-out session in an alcove- Remus turning red when he realised he was wearing Sirius’ shirt instead of his own, one that was just a tad bit too small for the Werewolf, then vermillion when someone pointed out a hickey Sirius had left on his neck.

Nights were no longer lonely– neither of the two was plagued with nightmares anymore as, much like the year before, many nights were spent with Sirius on his knees- albeit under very, very different circumstances.

⚔︎.

Not long after they had gotten together, Gryffindor won yet another quidditch match against Slytherin, and a Marauders party had exploded in the Common Room. Students from every house, save for Slytherin, partied the night away with bottles of firewhiskey and cake from the house elves, which ended up more on people’s faces than in their mouths.

Remus, not one to “party hard” like Sirius or James, found himself sitting on the window seat, chatting with passersby, sipping on a cup of firewhiskey while watching his friends on the dance floor.

“Hey there Lupin. Not out there with the rest of your marauders?”

Lily sat herself down next to Remus, clutching her own firewhiskey as she watched her boyfriend dance with Remus’, Peter bouncing awkwardly between the two.

“Not really feeling up for it. Why aren’t you out there yourself? Thought you’d be out dancing with James, you two seem awfully close these days.”

A blush graced Lily’s face, coughing slightly to cover her embarrassment as she turned to face her fellow prefect.

“Well, you and Black seem awfully close yourselves. Are you actually dating him?”

From anyone else, Remus would’ve thought the question rude and blunt, intrusive, even. But over the years, he began counting Lily Evans a friend almost as close as the Marauders, so he shrugged, and let it slide.

“Maybe. What’s it to you?”

The redhead shrugged, looking out onto the dance floor where a Ravenclaw had grabbed onto Sirius, grinding onto his front as the Gryffindor seemed to welcome him, holding his hips close to his own, the pair lost in the music.

“I just worry about you, Remus. I know you two are best friends, and you should always trust the people you’re with, but, we all know what Black’s like. I don’t want to see you become one of the ones he leaves behind.”

Remus clenched his jaw at the sight of Nathan Sulzer grinding on his boyfriend, his heart clenching slightly as Sirius did nothing to stop him.

“I’ll be fine Lily.”

James wandered towards the two of them, pressing a kiss to Lily’s lips as he shoved Remus lightly on the shoulder.

“Alright, Moony?”

Remus felt his heart break slightly as Nathan peppered kisses on Sirius’ neck, the same spots he had kissed that very morning before the quidditch match. James followed the werewolf’s gaze as he failed to reply, his own fist clenching in response.

“Merlin Moony, I’m so sorry. I swear I thought he would’ve changed for you. I love that man but I swear he can be so thick somedays.”

Remus shook his head, feeling tears well up that he willed away, putting down the cup and pushing himself off the seat.

“It’s fine. I’m going to head upstairs first. G’night you two.”

“I love you Moony.”

“Love you too Prongs. Night Lil.”

⚔︎.

That was not the night Sirius Black broke Remus Lupin’s heart for the last time. Later that night, the beater had come up, small hickeys staining his neck and collar overturned as he begged Remus for his forgiveness.

“I was so drunk baby I didn’t even realise what he was doing. Just celebrating, I didn’t even know who I was dancing with! I love you so much Re I’m so sorry. It will never happen again.”

Remus forgave him. He always did.

After all, this was Sirius Black he was faced with.

And if we know anything, it’s that Remus Lupin always forgave Sirius Black.

Later that week, when Nathan Sulzer came to Remus to ask for help with a transfiguration essay, he merely turned and walked away, causing Nathan to wonder what he’d done to earn the ire of the kindest boy in Hogwarts.

⚔︎.

It was the last day of exams in sixth year. Remus and Peter, being the only ones in the Marauders to take NEWT level Ancient Runes, were the last to finish their exams. Excitedly discussing what was to come in the summer as well as the final weeks of school, the two made their way back to Gryffindor tower.

“So what are you doing over the summer Wormy? Have your parents settled on a vacation spot yet, or are you going to finally stay around for once?”

Peter smiled softly, shrugging as he clutched his books to his chest.

“I’m not really sure, but I think we should be around for the last few weeks. You’re staying with Prongs and Padfoot for a while, right? I think I’ll probably be able to join you if you’re still there by the time I get-”

The pair’s conversation was cut short as they ascended the stairs to their dorm, hearing a piercing feminine moan coming from their room.

“Merlin, never pegged Lily for the vocal type.”

Peter frowned, uncomfortable.

“Clearly you’ve not been around the Potter household when she stays with Prongs during Christmas. ”

Shuddering, their soft laughter was cut short as footsteps thundered up the stairs behind them, muscular arms landing on the two Marauders’ shoulders.

“Alright, lads! Finally finished with your exams?”

James Fleamont Potter stood behind his two fellow Marauders in all his glory, making the boys freeze in their actions.

“I- you-”

Remus’ mind was moving a mile a minute, the reality clocking in but he refused to admit it. This had to be some sort of a sick prank.

“If you’re out here, then who’s that in there having sex with Lily?!”

Peter pointed at the door, the confusion and adrenaline running through the three boys making them miss the soft moan of ‘Sirius’ coming from behind the doors.

“What?! Nobody better be having sex with my Lily!”

The heavy wooden doors flew open as James kicked it with all his might, revealing Emmeline Vance naked and on top of the one and only, Sirius Black.

“Padfoot?!” emerged out of Peter’s mouth at the same time as the words “That’s not Lily!” came from James’, before reality dawned upon the two, turning to face the werewolf.

“Get out.”

“Moony I-”

For the first time in a long time, Remus felt a fire rise in his stomach, his temper snapping as he threw his books on the ground.

“All of you, get out!”

The werewolf’s head snapped up at the naked boy on the bed, who was stealing fearful glances at the girl quickly redressing next to him.

“Except you, Black.”

⚔︎.

Sirius had awkwardly finished putting on his clothes as Remus stood beside his own bed, feeling nothing, his previous anger had sizzled out and left him hollow.

“Moony I-”

“I don’t want to hear you speak. I don’t, I just,”

A memory flashed by Remus’ mind, that party after Gryffindor’s first win of the year. Lily’s words echoing in his mind: we all know what Black’s like.

“Maybe they were right. You never did change.”

A cold laugh emerged from the prefect’s lips, looking up at the ceiling he’d become so familiar with over the past year. The one he’d studied night after night with Sirius in his arms, the one he’d memorised when he wondered whether he did anything wrong when Sirius apologised to him for this thing or that, breaking his heart bit by bit, day by day.

“How was I such an idiot, to believe that you, of all people, could ever love me? Sirius Black, prince of Gryffindor. The biggest player Hogwarts has ever seen, the biggest heartbreaker there’s ever been!”

Remus continued laughing his emotionless laugh, one that made Sirius wince and shudder. It was so unlike him, so hollow, so cruel.

Nothing like his Remus.

“Of course I love you Moony. I love you.”

Sirius made his way over to Remus, his calloused hands reaching out towards Remus’ scarred ones.

“No you don’t.”

Remus’ hand was enveloped for a mere second, the familiar warmth begging him to stay before his sinking heart reminded him of the hurt he was pushed under by those same hands, and ripped himself away.

“If you loved me, you would never have done this. If you loved me, you’d never have made me doubt whether you really wanted to be with me. If you’d loved me,”

Remus looked at Sirius for the first time since James and Peter left the room. As their eyes met, Remus felt the tears welling in the grey eyes he loved so dearly pulling at his heartstrings, clenching his jaw before continuing, willing his own tears not to fall.

“We wouldn’t be here. I was in love with you, but you were in love with the idea of me. The chase, the excitement of a relationship you couldn’t flaunt all across the halls.”

Muted ‘no’s and soundless protests were made as Sirius fell to his knees in front of Remus for the umpteenth time that year, but this time out of desperation, an attempt to salvage something that couldn’t be salvaged.

“But you got tired, and you found the excitement in sneaking around with others. Pushing the boundaries to see how far you could get without being caught.”

Tears fell freely from Sirius’ eyes now, clutching onto Remus’ trousers as he cried out.

“That’s not it. Please Re, I love you, I love you so much. You’re everything for me, my home, my only. Please don’t do this.”

Remus’ own eyes flew shut, but he continued, tears escaping as rapidly as the words did.

“And now you’ve gotten caught. I hope it was worth it, because I’m done forgiving you. I’m just so, so done. I’m tired of not being good enough for you, I’m tired of second guessing myself and wondering why you end up in other people’s arms.”

Sirius shook his head fervently, incoherent words and sobs wracked from his throat as he hugged Remus’ legs with more strength than he knew he had, shaking his head at the werewolf’s words.

“You know, I would’ve done anything for you. I forgave you each and every time you crawled back to me. No matter how many times you broke my heart, I turned to putty in your hands every time you told me ‘I love you’.”

Remus’ hands landed on the boy’s shoulders for the last time, a motion so familiar, yet so foreign at the same time, pulling him away. He took Sirius’ chin into his hand, tilting his head up to meet his tearfully hopeful eyes.

“I love you Remus.”

Desperation dripped from the animagus' voice, his eyes searching Remus' face for one last bit of mercy, one last "I love you".

“I love you Sirius. But I don’t want to love you any longer.”