#james is not your hated school bully

[sal-absinthii]

honestly while I very much relate to the way in which people get attached to characters they feel they have something in common with, especially those deep-seated things for which there may be no safer outlet, fandom in general really needs to get better about having the self-awareness to tell the difference between projection and valid character analysis supported by the text

the problem is that projection comes with expectations, in particular the expectation that others will have understanding for the characters you like even when they're wrong while also satisfactorily and pitilessly condemning the characters you don't like/who wronged your fave

understanding is not, and has never been, equal to condoning or excusing. if you want to get as full a picture as possible of a character, you have to take on a therapist-like approach of unconditional positive regard for them for as long as you are analysing them. that does not mean you agree with their actions and reactions, but that you put aside all goals of either condemning or justifying what they do in favour of trying to see in what way it makes sense that they are the way they are. it means taking them in good faith that they are mostly just trying to get their own needs met and working from the assumption that people do the things they do because their own experience and circumstances have shaped them into the kind of person who sees this as making internal sense and being consistent with their worldview (or, if the issue is a conflict with their previously-held worldview, why they used to see things a certain way and why it makes sense that they have now questioned or changed that), not because they're just Fundamentally Bad People Who Are Bad For No Reason

it is a good skill to be able to do this with fictional characters because there isn't really any tangible risk involved and it is a safe way to learn how to understand other people in general. I think it is a useful exercise to try to analyse characters in this way that we aren't naturally inclined to side with or that we particularly relate to, especially if they are antagonists to the characters we do, and to learn to be comfortable with not judging the characters we have some underlying negative emotional reaction to.

I see a lot of people who attempt to validate their arguments about a character along the lines of "well I'm an abuse survivor so that's why I know this character is an abuser" or "I'm an abuse survivor who likes this character so that's proof that he ISN'T an abuser" and so on, but really, neither of those are arguments at all. they explain why you feel a certain way about them, they do not illuminate any truth about them. I'm imploring you to learn to separate these things not only for the sake of your own mental health and interpersonal skills but also because the pervasive inability to do so produces a large amount of very boring and low-quality literary analysis that drowns fandom in emotional hypersensitivity and some of the actual stupidest fights I have seen in my LIFE.

[immortalmrwavell]

James: Two Men Bound as One

(For @sivfenrir)

(Original story posted March 23rd 2022 & April 16th 2022) This story has been mildly Updated

Long Story Here!! This story was originally posted in two parts but I’ve put them together in one post for your reading convenience! That said this is one of the longest stories I ever wrote so I hope you all enjoy!

(Part 1)

Seth, a youthful man in his 20’s, had just gotten home after another not so pleasant trip to his local gym. Not being able to get through a single workout without being loosely threatened and called homophobic slurs. As always he had Bradley to thank for that.

All his life Seth had been skinny as could be and usually found himself picked on by the bigger guys back in his school years. Of course now, being an adult, he was free of such torment. For the most part anyway. Whenever he ever tried going to his local gym to exercise and get into shape, the jocks and gymbro’s there would always give him a hard time. Saying how they didn’t want scrawny nerds slowing down their workouts by taking up the equipment. Of course not all the dudes in there were like this but there were enough for it to put Seth off wanting to go.

Today though, Seth decided to try his luck again in the hopes he’d get a decent workout in peace. The moment he saw Bradley from across the room however, he knew that wasn’t likely. Bradley would always make it his personal mission to make going to the gym absolute hell for any “geeks” or “nerds” that he saw. He saw the gym as a place only made for alpha bros like himself and hot chicks. With his small and meek build, Seth certainly didn’t fit either of those categories. It also didn’t help that Bradley was one of his former high school bullies…

Despite this Seth decided to put on a brave face before walking over to some equipment and starting his workout. Of course he only got about 10 minutes in before he was spotted by Bradley. The crude jock began to tease him relentlessly, telling him to get off whatever machine he was using so a “real man” could workout instead.

Surprisingly though, Seth stood up to Bradley somewhat. Usually he wouldn’t dare, preferring to shrink into himself and bend to the bully’s will. But today he managed to find an ember of courage burning inside of him. He took a breath before finally putting his foot down and telling Bradly he wasn’t gonna get off until he was finished.

Naturally Bradley didn’t take kindly to this lanky nerd speaking to him like that. He continued to more or less insult and bully Seth throughout the rest of his workout. And just when Seth didn’t think it could get any worse, as soon as he left to head home, Bradley cornered him outside of the gym and punched him hard in the gut. The jock spat on Seth, telling him to learn his place.

As Seth was left on the ground clutching his stomach in pain, he couldn’t help but have mixed emotions. Of course he hated what Bradley did to him. The constant pushing around and name calling amongst other things… but at the same time he felt sort of aroused by it all too. He’d always had a thing for big muscly men, especially jocks, and Bradley fit the bill perfectly. He wanted to hate Bradley but he always seemed to end up in bed jerking off to the bully instead.

Besides he knew Bradley wasn’t quite as impressive as he seemed in terms of having his life together. He had a shitty handyman job that didn’t pay a whole lot as well as a part time job as a personal trainer. Seth on the other hand was working his way towards a programming job that would pay quite a fair amount. More than Bradley would ever be earning anyway. That thought always gave him some peace of mind.

Later that evening, after a slightly painful walk home, Seth ended up playing a couple hours of DnD with his other “nerdy fag friends” as Bradley and the other straight jocks would call them. It wasn’t until midnight that they finally got to a point where they could pause the game for the night. Most of his friends went to bed after that, leaving the group call they’d been on. Seth on the other hand decided to stay up awhile longer.

He’d been searching up a bunch of gay porn and stuff when he got sidetracked and started looking at sex toys online. He’d always thought about buying some. And so he scrolled through a bunch of different sites and toys until one finally caught his eye.

At first glance they seemed like an ordinary pair of bondage handcuffs. That is until he read the description. Apparently they were called ‘merging cuffs’. It claimed that if two people were to cuff themselves together then they would merge into one person! Of course Seth didn’t believe it one bit but the idea of it certainly piqued his interest. And his boner. The cuffs were also super cheap so he just shrugged and purchased them right then and there on a whim. Why the hell not right?

It couldn’t have been more than a minute after buying those cuffs that Seth heard a knock at the front door. But it was past 1:30 in the morning?! Who the hell would be delivering mail at this time? Regardless, curiosity got the better of him as he pulled his pants back on before sneaking out of his room. He was careful not to wake his mother who was asleep in her room as he approached the door.

He quietly opened the front door, not sure what or who to expect. What greeted him was a tiny wrapped gift box sitting on the door mat. Whoever left it there was nowhere to be seen now. Seth reached down and picked up the peculiar box to find that it was in fact addressed to him. Now even more curious he closed the door before taking the box back up to his bedroom.

After plopping himself down on his bed, he opened the box to find what was inside. Only he was shocked to find the very same pair of handcuffs he’d just ordered on the web! But how!? It didn’t make sense!? Seth inspected the box a little before pulling out the cuffs. Yep, definitely the same ones he ordered. He hardly knew what to think at this point. Despite that he couldn’t help but notice a small instruction letter at the bottom of the box too. Seth pulled it out before reading the following…

~~~

These handcuffs will allow two individuals to become one entirely new entity.

It’s as simple as putting one cuff on person A and the other cuff on person B. When they become one they will for all intents and purposes become an entirely new being made up of the qualities from their two counterparts. Once Person C is created, reality will adjust to compensate for their existence and the absence of their former selves. The only people recorded to still be somewhat aware of the previous reality have been parents to the original Person A & B. Besides that nobody is likely to be aware of the merger that has taken place.

These handcuffs are also only good for ONE USE. You can choose to split at any time but after that you will not be able to use the cuffs to merge again. To split you must break the two metal bands created by the cuffs after the merge is complete. You must also be willing to split for this to work. If the metal bands are somehow to be broken and Person C does not wish to split back into A & B then the merge will become PERMANENT.

With all this in mind, use these handcuffs wisely and with a sound mind.

~~~

Seth’s heartbeat was soaring after reading all that. Sure he hadn’t believed it before but now he wasn’t so sure anymore. He couldn’t fathom how the hell this package got here as fast as it did. That said he started to question if maybe these things could be the real deal after all…

— The Next Morning —

After jumping out of bed and getting ready for the day, Seth threw on a baggy pair of shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt to match before heading off to the gym once again. He was sure to grab the cuffs just before he left. Stuffing them into his bag before setting out.

Upon stepping through the doors he could already hear the grunting of men lifting weights and growing bigger. Music to his ears. He’d chosen this specific time for a reason however because he knew (after some social media stalking) that every Tuesday at about 9:30am, Bradley would be at the gym without fail.

Turning the corner past reception, he saw that his assumption was absolutely correct. Across the gym floor he could see Bradley already warming up. With that in mind he entered quietly, choosing some equipment as far away from Bradley as possible. Of course this only worked for so long until the meathead finally noticed him.

From there it was just like every other time the two had been at the gym together. Seth getting teased and pushed around whenever Bradley had a break between sets. He managed to hold out and endure it though. Rolling with insults until Bradley eventually finished his routine and sauntered off into the locker room. Seth waited a solid minute or two before following him.

Seth hesitantly snuck around the locker room in search of the muscle bound hunk who’d been tormenting him. The room wasn’t all that big so it didn’t take that long for the nerd to spot Bradley standing by an open locker grabbing a towel and some shower gel. He must’ve been getting ready to have a quick rinse off in the showers. Lord knew Seth was tempted to see if he could catch a glimpse of Bradley’s nude body. Just the thought of seeing water cascade down the perky muscle ass was enough to make him wanna bust a nut on the spot. Yet somehow his urge to try out the mysterious handcuffs was even stronger.

Seth pulled the handcuffs out of his bag. He looked down at them before glancing up at the jock before him again. He still wasn’t sure if these things would work. Worst case scenario, they don’t do anything and he probably gets punched in the face. But if somehow they did work then… it’d be worth the risk.

Seth waited until Bradley was facing the other to put one cuff on himself and begin to tip-toe towards the man. His small size allowed him to be fast while remaining as quiet as a mouse. Despite that his heart was still pounding both with worry and excitement as he inched closer to the jock. He could smell that sweaty post workout scent filling his nostrils already. He even watched as the hunk kicked off his trainers and bent down to pull off his ankle socks before tossing them in the locker. Bradley was about to pull off his tank top next when he felt a cold metal bracelet smack against his wrist and snap shut.

“THE FUCK ARE…” The gym bro stopped short as he saw the small man who’d just slapped a single handcuff on him. Seth felt as though his heart were about to explode out of his chest as the man looked down at him with pure disgust.

“Oh. It's you.” Bradley spat, already clenching his fists. “I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing but yo—” He was cut off by a sudden jolt of energy that ruptured through his body! Seth felt it too! It seemed as though it came directly from the handcuffs.

Both men looked down at the metal cuffs bonding them together as they began to emit a strange glow. The glow started to intensify and before either of them could say another word, Bradley and Seth began losing control of themselves. Their bodies began to shake and convulse uncontrollably as the magical glow encased them as well. Bradley could only curse and shout as he had no clue what the hell was happening. Seth on the other hand had a wide grin, both of wonder and relief that these merging cuffs might actually be working!

The light around them only continued to grow as suddenly Seth and Bradley bodies forcefully pulled together like magnets as if some invisible force was binding them. Seth could feel Bradley’s muscle jiggling against him as they convulsed, loving the fact that he was just tall enough for his face to be pressed into the massive hunks pecs. God it was like he was having a wet dream! And he was gonna become a part of this huge meathead?!?! Fuck! He just couldn’t wait!

Just then the magical glow engulfed them completely. The last thing either of them felt was the strangely blissful sensation of sinking inside one another. Their bodies melding into one before blacking out…

———

A new man’s eyes would soon flutter open. He was sprawled out on the floor of the locker room staring up at the ceiling. He felt odd. Unfamiliar? But also not?… he couldn’t even explain it.

He began to sit up slowly, placing a hand on his head as he glanced towards the open locker beside him. His locker? Yet even the way his body moved felt odd and confusing. Like it was completely new yet had always been this way simultaneously.

“I… can’t believe it…” He muttered to himself in astonishment as he looked down at his hands and body. He was massive yet that didn’t seem to come as much of a surprise. He flexed an arm, feeling his biceps bulge. It felt so natural and so exhilarating at the same time. Surreal was probably the best way to describe it. “It… worked?…” He said, half confused.

With a breath, the new man stood up and was able to walk himself over to a mirror nearby and sink to get a proper look at himself. His eyes widened at the sight that stared back at him.

“I’m… I’m a… fucking nerd-hunk!” It was like he wanted to say two completely different things simultaneously. He looked like a nerd… but he looked like a hunk. But hadn’t he always been a nerd… or a hunk? Everything was so confusing. So muddled. So warped together. The man could hardly think properly.

As he inspected his reflection further, the man could see Seth’s nerdy features but it was as though they’d been ‘jockified’ in a sense. He was wearing Seth’s glasses too yet Bradley’s backwards cap also sat on top of his head. His clothes looked to be the same as Bradley’s gym gear yet the colour scheme had changed to fit that of Seth’s. And his body… It was enormous! So many years of hard work and dedication put in by Bradley yet certain features like his birthmark, body hair and more were distinctive of Seth.

Seth and Bradley. Bradley and Seth. He could see both of them staring back at him. He was also both of them and neither at the same time. Two bodies. Two minds. Two sets of memories. All of them combined into one single person. That’s who he was. And as his brain began to sort through its muddled memories, he quickly remembered how he came to be. Those handcuffs. Seth had used them to merge himself with Bradley and the result of that was the man looking back at him in the mirror.

The new man took another breath, longer and deeper this time as he tried to collect himself. Who was he? He wasn’t Seth and he wasn’t Bradley. He was a whole new person made from the sum of his parts. He felt and thought a lot of the same things they did yet he felt also completely new. As if he’d only just been born in a way.

That in mind he had to come up with a new name right? Just picking either Seth or Bradley didn’t feel right though. Saying Seth’s name out loud made him want to start throwing out homophobic slurs. Meanwhile saying Bradley’s out loud made him weirdly horny like he wanted to start jerking off to other gym bros and their huge bodies. But it still felt wrong. Like the two sides of himself were arguing inside his mind. So perhaps a whole new one would be better? He thought about it for a moment until finally a name sprung out at him.

James!

Yeah. He liked that. Not too similar to either of his old names and it had a nice ring to it. He couldn’t feel any conflict between his two halves at the name so that’s what he decided to lock in.

It was then that he took notice of the two metal bracelets on each of his wrists. He remembered the note Seth had read mentioning that’s what the handcuffs would become post merge. They emitted another faint glow for a second before settling again. Weird. He would’ve been more curious about it if he wasn’t so distracted by his new form.

James began to stroke strong stubble on his face. An interesting feeling since Seth was always relatively smooth. He scratched through it a little before running his calloused hands across every little detail on his face. It was like the perfect mix and match of facial features in the most handsome way possible. Mostly picking out Seth’s features as a base and then using Bradley’s to emphasise them in a masculine jockish way.

Of course his hands then couldn’t help but wander down his body. It didn’t take long for him to start grasping at the huge watermelons sized pecs sitting on his chest. Fuck he was jacked. He did a double bicep pose into the mirror that only served to make him look even more massive. James could only watch and smirk as his arms bulged with size. His nerdy half was beyond excited. Adoring the feel of all this powerful muscle mass that it had been yearning for all these years. So much so that James’ cock began to stiffen in his shorts. His jock half was also enjoying it but for a completely different, much more narcissistic, reason. Loving to see how this form was even bigger and more of a stud than even Bradley’s former body.

After a little more squeezing and groping of his new form, James couldn’t help but want to whip out his new combined cock. He gingerly tugged at the waistband of his shorts before slowly sliding them down until his dick jumped forward. By god was it massive. It seemed as though his counterparts cock sizes had also merged to become a much bigger whole. Seth’s cock had sat at a respectable 5 inches hard while Bradley had been rocking a 6 and a half incher. James however put them both to shame with an impressive 9 inch monster with the kind of thickness that would make any man or woman’s eyes water.

“Fuuuuuuuck…” The fused man grunted with a prideful smirk. “I could have so many hot dudes slobbering over this thing.” James chuckled as he gripped the thick appendage, sending shivers up his spine. His mind filled with images of sexy buff jocks getting their ass holes resized by his cock. That is until a conflicting thought crossed his mind.

“Wait no-I’m… I’m not a fag!?!” He questioned abruptly as Bradley’s influence shone through a little. Just then the images of muscular men in his mind transformed into hot busty women. His previous thoughts about cock and ass shifting to that of tits and pussy instead. His monster cock pulsed even harder at the idea of burying himself inside a hot babe. “Nahhhh bro. I fuckin love pussy!!” He exclaimed.

And yet his mind boomeranged once more.

“But then again…” his thoughts drifted back to the idea of eating out the hole of one of his bros at the gym before thrusting his cock into a plump jock butt. James’ mind continued to play a horny game of ping pong as it bounced back and forth between extremely gay and super straight thoughts, lightly jerking his cock throughout the conflict.

“Cock… Pussy… Pecs… Tits…” He murmured to himself as his cock started to drool precum.

James was only snapped out of this cycle when he heard some other dudes opening the locker room door. He’d completely forgotten he was in a public space! He quickly tried tucking his cock away into his shorts again, struggling to hide his obscene bulge in the process. Though he wasn’t as successful as he’d hoped before another jock turned the corner and saw him. It was one of Bradley’s gym buddies, Sam.

“Yo Jay! I thought you said you were getting a shower. You got a hot chick hiding in here somewhere?” Sam teased with a chuckle upon seeing the bulge, looking around and behind James as a joke. What struck James as odd though was the fact that the smaller jock somehow knew the name he’d come up for himself mere moments prior. Or at least an abbreviation of it that his jock half rather enjoyed. He knew reality should’ve shifted after he came into existence but he came up with that name after the shift right? Just then his mind snapped back to when he thought up the name. The metal bands on his wrists. They glowed a little when he decided on it. Perhaps that was them adding his new name to the reality alter or something? It seemed plausible but his train of thought was lost as Sam continued. “Or a dude maybe? I know you’re into that as well.” His apparent bro added.

“Oh umm… Nah bro just excited to see my uhhh… progress…” James lied with an awkward smirk. What else could he really say?

“Well I love seeing my results as well…” Sam turned to the mirror, giving a flex of his own. “But I don’t go around getting boners because of it.” He laughed.

James couldn’t help but lock his gaze onto Sam’s arms. He thought about kissing those biceps before making out with that scruffy dumb jock face of his. His Seth side had clearly harboured a huge crush on Sam as well.

“But you do you man, I don’t judge.” The other jock finished before patting James on the shoulder and walking away towards his own locker. As he did James couldn’t help but turn and get a quick look at his bro’s ass in those shorts.

‘He’s definitely been training his glutes a lot recently…’ James thought to himself, his dick jumping a bit in his own shorts at the thought of getting his hands on that ass. Smacking and fucking it. However his inner thoughts began to conflict again. ‘Nah Sam is just a bro! Bros don’t fuck bros!? Bros talk about hot chicks together!’ He then remembered a time where Bradley had seen one of the other female personal trainers wearing quite the revealing outfit one day. His cock began leaking precum once again as he remembered wanting to shove his dick between her huge tits while he kept stealing glances at her heart shaped ass. But just then, like getting horny whiplash at this point, his mind darted back to a time when Seth had seen one of the male personal trainers checking himself out in the gym mirrors after a pump. He was basically drooling as he watched the man bounce his pecs a little, wishing that he could shove his dick between those huge mounds of muscle.

Seeing the memories side by side however helped James realise something. Despite one experience being gay and the other straight, they were both extremely similar. So much so that you could switch it by having Seth be the one ogling at the woman’s tits and Bradley gushing over the man’s pecs and almost nothing would change. It was more or less the same experience. Perhaps his two halves were more alike in that regard than they originally thought…

James was suddenly snapped back to reality at the sound of Sam shutting his locker. “Well I’ll leave you to get back to…” he glanced down at James’ still slightly visible bulge. “Whatever you were doing before I guess.” And with that grabbed his stuff and left James alone in the locker room once more. He looked over at his towel along with the shower gel sitting on the bench. He still kinda smelled like sweat from Bradley’s workout. Though at this point he just wanted to have an excuse to get naked.

The grey tank top soon found itself being tossed inside the locker alongside Bradley’s trainers and ankle socks, swiftly followed by the pair of black shorts James had been wearing. Then after shutting the locker, grabbing his towel and shower gel, James sauntered off towards the showers in all his huge muscular glory. Good thing they had shower cubicles because there was no way he was gonna be able to hide his massive erect cock now.

Upon twisting the handle the shower burst to life. It soon warmed itself up. James stepped under the refreshing water flow with a deep sigh. He let the water run over him calmly for a moment before getting down to business. Grabbing and groping at his body once again but with much more lust this time around. Feeling the weight of his pecs, the size of his arms, the heftiness of his thighs and the thickness of his ass. It wasn’t long before he’d gotten some gel on his hands and began rubbing it all over his hulking form. Making sure to rub the soap into every crevasse he could find and loving every second of it.

The gay part of him couldn’t help allowing one hand to linger excessively long around his ass. Squeezing and kneading each of his cheeks before eventually sliding a finger between them and towards his asshole. But before he could try and enter it, the straight part of him forced his hole and asscheeks to clench tightly shut so nothing could penetrate it. The feeling to both desire and fight against something simultaneously was an odd one to say the least.

Eventually he stood back under the water fully to rinse off any remaining soap. As he did his thick python of a cock continued to buck and bounce at full mast as if it were begging for release. Naturally James was willing enough to oblige it.

James took a strong grip on his fat member before starting to pump. As he did he tried to think of anything that would get him going. Of course his own body was one thing. So huge and fuckin powerful. He could dominate anyone! He couldn’t help but imagine pressing one of his gym bro’s down onto his back before sliding his cock deep inside his ass, pounding away and dominating him in every sense. His balls were already churning with cum at the thought when his brain began to drift elsewhere again.

Now Imagining himself between the legs of one of those personal trainer babes at the gym. Eating out her pussy and tasting her delicious pussy juice before getting her to give him a tit job and busting a nut all over her face and breasts.

Then he jumps back to the guy he’d been pounding now giving him a sloppy blowjob. James’ hand on the back of his head pushing him as far down as he’ll go. He could practically hear the imaginary man gagging on his massive length.

Just then however, his two visions began merging into one. Both transforming into a single horny day dream.

He was now imagining himself in a threesome. The babe presented him with her wet eager pussy while the hunk presented his tight hungry hole. James was spoiled for choice. He wanted both! He loved both! Soon enough he imagined himself constantly swapping between the two. Pounding her pussy then pounding his hole then back to her pussy again. Going back and forth again and again until he nutted inside one.

By this point James was jerking his cock furiously to the mixed horny thoughts running through head. It was then that the bracelets that he’d left on until now began to glow once again. Suddenly his balls felt even fatter and fuller than they were before but at this point James was too horny to stop and ask why. At this point all he wanted was to explode! His eyes began to roll back as ecstasy overtook his body. His cock and balls started to tense up as his hand continued stroking like his life depended on it. He could feel it! He was gonna blow!!

“OOOOAAHHHHH FFUUUUUUCKKK!” James roared with extreme intensity followed by a massive rope of cum blasting from his cock. With it taking all of Bradley’s homophobic ideals and splattering them across the cubicle wall in a sticky mess. Finally releasing the one roadblock that’d been stopping James’ two sexualities from merging into a healthy Bisexual.

Then, as his cock released another tiny splutter cum, he also let go of Seth’s lack of vanity allowing him to become 100% confident in showing off his new and improved body. After that James was surprised when his cock suddenly shot another powerful rope at the cubicle wall, purging any desire to bully others by belittling them as Bradley had done so many times before. This was then followed by James’ hung appendage twitching again and letting out yet another modest cumshot. This one took with it Seth’s meek and shy nature, leaving behind only that of Bradley’s confident and extroverted one. It was only after his body had ejaculated all the qualities necessary to create the best version of James possible was his cock finally able to stop shooting load after load.

James fell to his knees then backwards onto his ass in exhaustion. He watched as his cum and ejected traits were washed down the shower drain with a faint smile on his face. There were simply no words to describe how incredible he felt. Just that he felt whole now. His two halves had finally stopped fighting against each over and have unified as one, leaving his mind feeling the clearest it'd been since the merge.

“Hey dude. You alright in there?” Came the echoing voice of another gym goer from just outside James’ shower cubicle. “I heard some noises from out there.”

He jumped back up to his feet in surprise. “Y-yeah! I’m good bro. Just slipped, but I’m good!” He shouted back, lying through his teeth as he glanced at some of his thick cum still dripping down the wall. The guy on the other side seemed a tad suspicious due to James’ tone but didn’t think anything of it and left back into the main locker room. Moments after, once he’d cleaned/licked up all the cum leftover inside the cubicle, James left with a towel wrapped around his waist as he made his way back to his locker.

Before long the merged nerdy jock had dressed himself in the spare set of clothes Bradley had in the locker. They felt tight on his body, not that it was a problem. He just loved the way his pecs stretched the t-shirt and how his thighs and ass strained inside the shorts. Wasting no more time though, James’ pulled on the leftover ankle socks and trainers before grabbing his gym bag and heading out of the locker room.

As he crossed the gym floor, James could feel the eyes of both horny and jealous people watching him and his body. And he got off on it like hell. Though just as he reached the reception he felt a light tap on his shoulder. Turning around he saw none other than the exact same female PT that Bradley had the hots for. His eyes almost immediately gave her a once over, inspecting her curves and cleavage shown off in the well fitting tights and sports bra.

“Heeyyy James. Are we still on for Friday night?” She asked with a devious smirk as she eyed him up just the same as he had. Looking over his bulging muscles and meaty pecs. It was then James recalled a recent memory of Bradley going on a date with her the night before. It must’ve gone well since she gave some heavy suggestions on what she wanted to do with him next time.

“Of course! Couldn’t be more excited.” James replied in a cocky but cheery tone.

“Glad to hear it.” She said, taking a step forward before reaching down, gingerly grasping at his bulge. “I can already tell we’re gonna have so much fun.” She giggled while rubbing his thick package before letting go with a wink. James grinned as he watched her turn and walk back towards some gym equipment to finish her routine, not being able to help watching her ass for a moment before turning around himself and heading out the gym exit.

James stepped out into the world, now with a semi-boner once again, and took his first deep breath of fresh air. Man did it feel good. He only had a couple seconds to enjoy the moment however as he felt the buzz of a phone from inside his gym bag. Opening the bag up he pulled out a familiar phone and saw a Grindr notification. He knew for a fact that Bradley never had Grindr but then again since reality changed this was no longer Bradley’s phone. It was James’.

Tapping the notification and unlocking the phone then took him to a chat this guy had started with him.

— Holy fuck! And I thought I was getting big hahaha. You’re fucking huge man! I would do anything just to feel those massive arms and that sexy chest! 😍 —

Well he was certainly straight forward. James went and gave his profile another quick look. They were about the same age and the guy looked to be a lean jock type. Soccer player by the looks of it. He had short brown hair with a bit of scruff on his face and some cute handsome features. The dude was definitely hot, he’d give him that. James half-hard dick even twitched again when he saw a photo of the guy wearing nothing but a Jockstrap, framing his cute ass perfectly. He could already see himself burying his face and cock between those cheeks.

He’d have to get back to that guy for sure but right now he had more important things to deal with. If everything that letter was true then his parents on both sides wouldn’t have been affected by the reality shift all that much. They probably weren’t even aware of his existence yet. So that was his next order of business. To break the news. Luckily, since Seth only grew up with his mom and Bradley only ever had his dad, there were only two parents to break it to rather than four. Still won’t make it any less awkward…

(Part 2)

James stood outside his house… or one of his houses anyway. With a deep breath he stepped forward and gave a rhythmic knock. It was only mere moments later that Seth’s mother Lisa opened the door. Of course she didn’t recognise the hulking man before her but there was an odd sense of familiarity about him.

James politely gave her his new name before asking to come inside, saying that he has something very important to tell her about her son. The middle aged woman was reluctant for a moment but the man seemed genuine so she stepped aside and offered him a seat in the kitchen.

“Ummm… well I’m not quite sure how to say this…” As James fumbled with his words Lisa became worried. She began to ask if Seth had been hurt somehow to which James swiftly reassured her that wasn’t the case. “No Mom. The truth is that… I am Seth. Kind of.”

“W-what are you talking about?! You aren’t my son!” Hearing his mother shout those words definitely hurt but James understood her view. He did look completely different after all.

“Just please give me a moment to explain.” He pleaded.

She gave him a distrusting look but allowed him to take the floor and somehow make sense of the madness he spoke.

“Yesterday I ordered these weird handcuffs and…” James went on to explain how the mysterious handcuffs worked and how they arrived almost instantly as he ordered them online. “Then this morning I took them to the gym. You remember Bradley right?…” He refreshed her memory of the bully he’d had throughout high school and how he went to the local gym frequently. “I saw him with all his muscle and confidence and decided that… I wanted to be a part of that.” James continued, telling her how the merging process had gone down after slapping the cuffs on himself and Bradley. “It was weird and confusing at first, like our individual minds were constantly pulling our new self in two different directions with opposing thoughts, but I think we’ve managed sync up now… kinda”

Of course his mother had no idea what to say to all this. The way James spoke reminded her of Seth only with a deeper, more resonant voice and a lot of the things he said were accurate like the stuff about high school… But surely he could’ve just acquired that information somehow. The only logical solution was to ask him a personal question that only Seth would know the answer too.

She sat and thought for a moment until she came up with just the question to ask. "So when you were younger, you were really proud of this one sunflower you grew. how many seeds did it make in the end?"

"Oh, hahah! I remember that easily. Just the one seed, unfortunately." He chucked thinking back to that old childhood memory. "It didn't grow to become a giant sunflower sadly, just a tiny little lanky one. Could only grow one premature seed before dying.”

Lisa couldn’t believe it, it was such an obscure memory that nobody but herself and Seth could’ve possibly known. “S-Seth?… is that really you?” She asked to which the bulky young man simply nodded with a smile in response. “I can’t… I don’t… I…” She had no idea what to say but she found herself believing it. Many of his features reminded her of her son, only more masculine, and the glasses he wore were unmistakably the same. And yet there were also a bunch of completely different features like his eyes, facial hair and most notably his large physique. Was all that crazy talk he’d said about merging actually true after all?

“Look I know you must have a lot of questions but right now we’ve got to call my dad… on Bradley’s side I mean.” James said, placing a large reassuring hand on top of hers before getting up to grab the house phone. Lisa could only stare in awe at her son(?) as he dialed a number and started calling. Soon enough Bradley’s father Saul answered.

“Wassup Dad! Look there’s something super important I gotta talk to you about. How soon can you get down here?” Suddenly James’ entire tone of speech had shifted. His dad didn’t think anything of it as James’ voice now sounded exactly like his son’s over the phone. Saul sighed at the request but agreed to meet ‘Bradley’ after being given the address.

30 minutes later there was a knock at the door. James jumped up to open it, greeting his father with that same jocky attitude as Bradley yet Saul only looked at him with confusion.

“Who the hell are you? You ain’t my son?” Though he couldn’t help but notice the man before him bore a strange resemblance to Bradley in a way.

“Yeaaaahh… about that.” James persuaded Saul to come inside and sit down at the table with Lisa. As crazy as it all sounded they convinced Saul to hear James out.

“Well I made my way down to the gym to get a pump with my bro’s and…” he went onto explain how his routine went, chatting up a couple chicks in between exercises and what not. Typical jock bro stuff. “Then I saw that Seth nerd across the room working out…” he confessed to being a bit of dick to Seth while he was there until he finished his workout. “After that I went to my locker. Was about to get a shower, when BOOM! Seth slaps this weird ass handcuff on me!” James re-explained the handcuffs to Saul, saying how they’d somehow fused him and Seth into one dude. “It was super fuckin weird at first, like a part of me was thinkin one thing then another part was thinkin something else. I think our thoughts have started to match up a little now though and work together or some shit.”

Just like Lisa before, Saul was lost for words. This man sounded like a lunatic! Yet at the same time he spoke just like his son. It wqs also a slight shock for Lisa as he hadn’t sounded quite this… bro-ey(?) until Saul got here.

Naturally Saul didn’t fully believe this to be true at first just like Lisa. And similarly to the woman before him, he prompted James to say something that only he and Bradley would know.

"Alright Dad. Hmmmm…” James pondered for a moment. “Oh I got it! You remember that time when I bullied those nerds for the entire school camping trip and you punished me by leaving me to camp alone in the forest for 2 days? I didn't learn a fucking thing from that punishment! I just proved to you I could live out there on my own." James gloated, flexing an arm and laughing.

Saul was in shock. Was this man really his son somehow? Though thinking about it he looked to have the same physique, attitude and some familiar features that reminded him of Bradley. Though there were also many that he didn’t recognise as well like his smile, his glasses and slightly lesser tanned skin among other things. Had he actually merged with some nerdy dude that slapped some magic shit on him. It took him a while to process it all but once he did…

“So you’re telling me that my jock son is now fused with some scrawny nerd!? What’re you a fag now as well?!” Saul’s outburst was sort of expected but Lisa still scolded the man anyway. Telling him to not spout ill words towards her son, especially in their own house. James also knew that despite Bradley’s clear homophobia prior to ‘ejecting’ it the other day, Saul never had anything against gay men before now. Hence he gave his father the benefit of doubt. He was probably just overwhelmed right now. Though that didn’t mean he couldn’t tease his dad a little…

“Well… I guess you’re half right. I still love pussy but dude ass looks pretty good as well now dad I gotta say!” James said with a chuckle.

“Set-I mean James! No language like that in the house please!” His mother scolded. Well it was certainly going to be a madhouse around here from now on by the looks of things.

Eventually Lisa and James got Saul to sit and listen to the positives. Being merged with a nerd means they’d be much smarter together than Bradley ever was on his own. With that intelligence they’d be able to get a decent job that pays well unlike the handyman job that Bradley had to settle for. Plus his new son still looked like an ‘alpha jock’ just with a little less douchiness about him. Really it should be a win-win but Saul was still having a hard time accepting it right now.

Afterwards, James explained that they’re the only ones who remember him being two people and that for everyone else, reality had completely shifted. In a lot of ways this made things easier, they didn’t have to bother dealing with the disappearance of Seth and Bradley nor did they have to set up some new identity for James somehow. According to everyone else, James had lived a mixed life of experiences from both Bradley and Seth. It also seemed that a lot of people now thought Bradley’s dad and Seth’s mom had a fling back in the day which was how James came to be.

After some long discussion, the three came to the decision that James would stay with Saul for the time being but would frequently come back to Lisa’s house to keep things fair. With that James went to his old room in his moms house to find that it’d been left unchanged. He grabbed whatever gear he wanted from the room and packed it into a bag. Though he didn’t bother with any of the clothes as none of those would fit him now anyway. Once done, he headed back downstairs with his stuff and said his goodbyes to his mom before hopping in his dads car and heading back to his place.

The car ride was undoubtedly awkward, neither man knowing quite what to say to the other. Best James could do was try and make some small talk about the other night's soccer game but even that didn’t help much. Luckily it didn’t take long for them to pull up into Saul’s driveway. The pair jumped out of the car and headed inside, still barely speaking a word, before James made a B-line for his other bedroom.

Upon entering he could smell a distinct musk. The sweaty post work out smell of a man clouding the room from all the previous training Bradley had done when at home. Unlike his room at Lisa’s house, this one was much messier with dirty clothes littered about the floor, unkempt bed sheets, weights and exercise equipment just lying around and much more. It didn’t seem to bother James all that much to be honest but he was probably gonna tidy it up a little later. At least get hamper in here for some of those clothes.

With that James got himself settled in, unpacking all the stuff he’d brought and looking through the stuff in his current room. He ended up rooting through Bradley’s closet for clothes to try, even throwing on some of the dirty ones, then checking himself out in the full body mirror. Due to his slightly increased size from what Bradley had been, most of these clothes now fitted quite tightly. Not that he was complaining. He just loved the way his pecs strained against some of the tank tops and t-shirt’s as well as how many of the shorts did little to hide his huge muscle butt and hefty bulge. A bulge of which was growing bigger by the second as he continued to admire his merged body, especially when he was stood in nothing but one of Bradley’s dirty jockstraps that he’d recently used during football practice with the bros. Enjoying the way it framed his ass while a bit of precum seeped through the pouch, further staining it.

In no time James was sprawled out on his bed, jacking his monster cock furiously. So fucking horny for himself, groping every part of his body like he had been in gym showers earlier that day before thoughts of both men and women alike started running through his head. In his horny frenzy, James grabbed his phone and opened Grindr. He found the guy who’d messaged him yesterday, Matt, and started scrolling back through the photos he’d sent. Fuck he was so hot, James could’ve bust a load to that cute jock butt right then and there but he held off for a moment to message back.

— Hey man, thanks for the compliments. You’re super fucking cute as well! Would love to meet up soon so we can appreciate each-over in person 😏 —

He went back to jerking gently for a moment until he got a swift reply from Matt who seemed to be completely on board. He said the best day for him was this coming Thursday. Perfect! James had a date with the personal trainer Katie on Friday so he could get ass and pussy one after the other! With that he set it up with Matt before returning his full attention to jacking off.

As his hand continued to pump up and down the shaft however, James began to notice a certain haziness setting over him. At first he assumed it just just due to his sheer horniness but the feeling grew stronger as he came closer to orgasm. His mind was overtaken by it as he couldn’t help but bust a nut all over his pecs and abs.

Suddenly conflicting memories start to disappear from his mind. Memories of Seth giving up on his work outs years back and using a flesh light are ejected out in thick ropes of cum leaving only Bradley’s memories consistent working out instead and never having to use a flesh light because he always had a hole to fuck anyway. After that even more of Seth’s irrelevant overlapping memories were ejaculated one after the other.

Afterwards James simply sat chuckling to himself as he smeared the cum over his chest before licking some up. It was like his brain had just switched itself off and he could barely think at all, a thick cloud covering his thoughts. Little did James know that jacking off had caused the two consciousness’ inside his head to start mindfucking one another. Right now it was as if the inner Bradley was shoving his metaphorical cock into the inner Seth’s mouth, shooting copious amounts of 'psychic cum’ down his throat and filling Seth’s consciousness with tons of his jock-like traits. Slowly but surely transforming Seth’s inner self into more of a buff nerdy jock.

Time flew by as James continued to lay buck naked on his bed, laughing and touching his body all over in a sort of euphoric state. After about an hour or so his dad came into the room to see his new son sprawled naked and covered with dry cum. “Huhuhuhuh shoulda knocked dude.” He didn’t even try to cover himself as his dad cursed, covering his eyes before leaving and closing the door.

It wasn’t until about 4 or so hours had passed that he finally returned to his senses, confused as to why he was now standing doing bicep curls nude in front of the mirror. Despite his brain clearing up again though, he did feel different. Besides some of Seth’s memories he could no longer recall, he also felt a bit… dumber?

The rest of that evening went as awkwardly as you would imagine when James went down to watch the game with his dad, vaguely remembering what his dad had seen earlier. It was also pretty apparent that Saul hadn’t yet accepted him either. This prompted James to try and bond with his father any way he could. Mostly via the sport on TV and hopefully try to forget what happened earlier in the process…

———

Wednesday morning soon arrived. James awoke with a big yawn as he stretched before pulling himself out of bed. Looking at his wrists he noticed the merging bracelets that were still attached to him. To be honest he’d almost forgotten they were there. He remembered what the letter said about the merge being permanent if he broke them without wishing to defuse. It was honestly kind of tempting to break them right then and there. In the short time James had spent as himself, he already felt way better than either of his previous selves ever had. However, for now, he wanted to have a backup and so he instead just slipped them off and stored them away underneath his bedroom floorboards for safe keeping.

Now that was sorted, he’d already decided he was gonna spend most of today with his dad. He had to convince him that he was still his son! Though hopefully that shouldn’t be hard since he felt more like Bradley than ever after yesterday’s odd haze.

Immediately heading downstairs after getting dressed, James found his dad sitting at the table with a coffee in hand. Well, here goes nothing.

Across the course of the day James did everything he could to get his dad to accept him. They reminisced over old memories they shared, tossed a football around for awhile, drank beer together and many other manly father and son bonding activities James could think of. Saul still wasn’t all that keen at first but as the day went on he began to warm up a little. It was minor progress but it was better than nothing. Hopefully it wouldn’t be long before Saul was calling him ‘Son’ again. They managed to end the day on a high note before James later made his way back to his moms house. After all the address he’d given his hookup Matt was for his mother’s place.

Content with that day he’d had with his father, he walked inside and said hello to his mom. They chatted for a while about his day before he headed off to his room. He could tell his mom was still a little uneasy about the whole situation even if she was trying to hide it. He understood though. This was gonna take some time for both his parents.

He closed his bedroom door behind him and gazed over his other more nerdy looking bedroom. Part of him was tempted to jack his fat cock off again and bust some more jock nut like he had yesterday. He was definitely a little horny again but he honestly was too exhausted after today’s activities to bother. Instead he just collapsed onto the much smaller bed, allowing it to creak under his weight. It didn’t take long for him to doze off into a deep sleep.

———

Thursday came around and James awoke with a throbbing erection. Seems like after going 24 hours plus without jerking off, his cock was becoming restless. It took a lot of willpower to not satisfy the urge. Fortunately his desire to save his cum for tonight was greater than his urge to spill his load. He gave his thick shaft a couple tugs before trying his best to shove it into his shorts comfortably. A hard task for sure.

After heading back downstairs and grabbing some breakfast with his mom, James set off towards the gym to get his main workout in. Especially since he’d skipped it yesterday to hang with his dad.

Upon arrival he was welcomed by many other gym-goers, a lot of them he thought of as his bro’s. After that it was like muscle memory took over as he made his way over to each machine and pumped out set after set. Not to mention helping and encouraging his bros in between exercises. Fuck did he feel like he was in his element though. He felt just as Bradley always did! Barely having a thought passing through his head while pumping his already huge muscles with the sole goal of growing even bigger than he already was. Just the rush of proving how powerful he was by lifting some massive weights was causing blood to rush into his cock again. He just couldn’t control that thing!

Before long he finished his routine and went to shower off. While he was getting dried however, some of the other jocks and meatheads he’d been working out with offered him to come play some football with them on the local field.

“Let’s fucking do it bros!” He agreed with a grin.

Next thing he knew, he’d headed home to grab his football gear and the same jockstrap he’d been wearing the previous night. Then before long he was on the field tackling the other dudes while having the absolute time of his life!

They must’ve played for a couple hours as by the time he got back home it was already the late afternoon. He messaged Matt to be sure he was still coming, which Matt confirmed, before heading to his room to play some first person shooter games.

The time passed by pretty quickly and soon enough there was a knock on the front door. James rushed down to answer it before his mother could, delighted to see the man from Grindr he’d been talking to. He was cuter and even more handsome in person.

They chatted for a little while but it didn’t take long for James to lead him upstairs. As soon as the door was closed, they made out passionately for a good while. During which they started ripping off each other's clothes. Matt couldn’t stop himself grabbing at James’ arms and grinning as he felt just how huge and powerful they were. “Oh wow… you really are so fucking incredible…” He complimented as his hands continued to roam around the rest of James’ supersized muscle bod.

As Matt began squishing and squeezing at those massive pecs, James smirked down at him. “You look pretty incredible yourself you know…” he said before reaching round to squeeze Matt’s ass, earning a lustful yelp from the smaller man. The two couldn’t help but lock lips again, swapping spit with such aggressive passion. Then after finally breaking apart, James tossed Matt onto the undersized bed, stroking his massive cock to the cute jock before him. With a smirk Matt rolled over, exposing his tasty looking ass to really get James going.

Next thing they knew, Matt was leaning over the side of the bed and swallowing as much of the fat member before him as his throat could handle. James was sure to face fuck him hard and good before eventually hopping onto the bed himself, instantly jumping at the chance to eat out that juicy jock butt. Matt groaned out as his hole was licked and savoured by the hulking brute of a man, being prepared for what was to come.

After a couple minutes of teasing, the time had finally come. Once his cock was well lubed, James alined the tip with the tight hole presented before him. Matt begged him for it until he felt the tip push inside, both men groaning out in unison. Slowly but surely James delighted in pushing himself further inside until he was balls deep.

An hour or so must’ve passed by the time they finished. They were constantly switching positions, making out and admiring each overs bodies. Eventually though, despite the incredible stamina, everyone has a limit and Matt was the first to reach his. As his hole continued to be destroyed, now once again lying on his front with James pounding down into him, he groaned out and arched his back before his cock started nutting beneath him. That was James’ signal to finish up himself. Matt was then delighted to feel his ass suddenly fill with thick cum, James roaring out as he emptied the massive load his balls had stored.

While his balls unloaded, James then felt that familiar haze settling over him once again. His mind went numb as it got harder for him to think straight. During his orgasm even more memories began to vanish, this time from Bradley’s side. He shot out memories of Bradley failing most things back in high school and college. Not to mention somehow never being able to get a drivers licence. Leaving behind only Seth’s memories in those regards, getting grades ranging pretty good to amazing in most areas and having been able to drive for over 2 years now. Those among others of Bradley’s memories, all ejaculated in the load of cum that now resided within Matt’s hole.

Once again James’ two inner halves began mindfucking each over through the foggy haze. This time however, the roles were flipped. The jockier Seth was now the one receiving a passionate blowjob from Bradley, sucking out a bunch of Seth’s nerdier traits and transforming him into more of a nerdy jock mix similar to that of inner Seth. James’ two halves were becoming more and more alike by the day.

After all that intense fucking though James started drifting off to sleep, still on top of Matt who was just as exhausted. As his eyes fluttered shut, his inner Seth would only continue face fuck inner Bradley as they slept…

———

Upon waking James’ mind felt clear once again. The strange haze must’ve worn off in his sleep… but once again he felt different. Now he felt much smarter than before as if he were now channeling more of his Seth side. That must’ve been why he felt dumber and cockier before, because he was channeling Bradley. He must not have been quite as stable yet as he’d previously thought…

Laid beside him, Matt was still sleeping soundly. James couldn’t help but smile at how sweet the other man looked in that moment. He ended up wrapping an arm around the smaller but still well built man and cuddling with him. They got to lay in peace for a good half an hour or so before Matt finally began to stir awake.

The two had quite the pleasant morning chat, Matt even noting how James sounded a bit different now. Like the way he spoke sounded more intelligent. He guessed that James had been hiding it the previous night for whatever reason. As great of a time they were having though, Matt soon had leave since he was late for work. James watched while the man he bred last night yanked his clothes back on before James walked him downstairs and out of the house, waving him goodbye.

He’d never expected to like Matt quite as much as he did. Sure he was hot in all his photos but now after meeting him, he felt as though there was a deeper connection there. One he certainly wasn’t expecting. Maybe he should ask Matt on a proper date soon? Of course he already had his date with Katie to worry about first though. It’d only be fair to give her an equal chance.

The rest of the morning from that point went rather as you’d expect from James by this point… except for one thing.

He got dressed, had breakfast with his mother, then gathered his things for the gym before setting off. Though by this point he still had about an hour or so before needing to leave. So to pass the time he sat back in his bedroom and played some of Seth’s games. Games that would’ve been considered ‘geeky’ to a lot of his Jock friends but he couldn’t deny that he was having a blast!

That hour absolutely flew by and before long it was time for him to leave. After saying goodbye to his mom, James jogged to the gym as part of his warm-up before stepping inside.

He was ready for a pump.

Of course he spotted many of the other gym regulars whom he talked with as he trained. Talking to those guys did bring out a bit more of that bro-talk side to him but even they were still able to notice the strange shift in James’ tone since yesterday.

It was only about half way through his routine that Katie walked in at last. They’d agreed to meet here and leave for the nearby restaurant in town once they’d both finished. That certainly didn’t stop them from trying to chat each other up every time they passed one another though. In the end, James finished first and left for the locker room where he got a rinse off the showers and got changed.

Now he was simply sitting outside the gym waiting for Katie to finish up. Said waiting gave James a lot of time to think. Mainly about his parents.

Both his former selves had wished they could’ve had two parents rather than just one. More so Seth than Bradley but still. Now in a strange way he finally did! Although now it felt sort of like having divorced parents in a way. That’s when he came up with a plan.

James called up both his parents, asking them to come meet him and his date at the restaurant. After some persuasion over the phone, they both surprisingly agreed. Then once Katie had finished her workout and got cleaned up, the two headed to the restaurant themselves.

Upon arrival, James had already informed Katie of the situation. She was a tad weirded out by it at first but he was able to get her on board. Soon it wasn’t long before all four of them were seated at a table together. Turns out James’ big plan was in fact a double date in hopes that his parents would find some sort of a connection.

For sure it was a little awkward at first but as James and Katie flirted on their side of the table, Saul and Lisa gradually began to find common ground. Turns out the two actually did have a couple of common interests. They both enjoyed Rom-coms (Though Saul wouldn't always admit it) Baseball, Motorcycles and more!

“Hey, seems like my plan for those two is working. How’s about we leave them to it while you and I head to the Hotel across the street and… you know.” James thrusted his hips back and forth a little in his seat. Katie rolled her eyes while trying to hide an amused grin. They got up from the table after paying for their food and said to James’ parents that they were heading to the hotel. This of course invoked a slurry of embarrassing lectures about ‘safety’.

The young and horny pair arrived at the hotel in no time, getting themselves a room before rushing inside. The very second the door closed they were practically smashing their lips together, tongues exploring each other's mouths while their hands began to wander. Katie reached her hand under the back of James’ tank top, running her palm across his muscular back. James’ hand did something similar except going a little lower to feel her soft ass. The touching started gentle but quickly grew more animalistic on both ends. Katie wasn’t able to stop herself from squeezing and admiring James’ impressive muscle mass just as Matt had the prior night. Grabbing at his bulging arms and cannonball-like shoulders. James responded in kind, kneading both hands into her pillow of an ass before lowering himself a little more to get a feel of her thick feminine thighs.

Of course it wasn’t long before his focus turned to her chest as he got a good feel of her tits, chuckling a tiny bit as he played with them. Katie smirked “Alright, my turn now” She stated before reaching out and groping James’ huge pecs, poking and prodding at the muscle. “Yours are even bigger than mine.” She joked.

The two threw off the last of their remaining clothes, revealing James’ hard pulsing cock and Katie’s wet needy pussy. They interlocked their lips once more as Katie jumped up into James’ arms, wrapping her legs around his waist with one of James’ hands on her ass for support.

He carefully aligned his massive shaft with her core before gently pressing it inside inch by inch. Katie cried out in delight as his cock pressed against her pussy walls, stretching her more and more as James buried himself as deep as possible. He tilted himself back a little before starting to move his hips, slowly thrusting in and out. He used his knowledge gained from Bradley’s numerous conquests to make sure he pressed himself inside in just the right way to make her scream with lust.

James continued to fuck Katie in his arms for a good few minutes before the two hopped onto the hotel bed. The flexible young woman spread her legs nice and wide before pressing James’ face into her pussy. He proceeded to eat her out with pleasure, loving the taste of her juices as it smeared across his face.

As one can imagine this scene went on for some time. Pussy eating, dick sucking, tit jobs and all sorts of fuck positions. But sooner or later James was bound to reach the end of his rope. They finished with Katie on top of him, James’ holding her by the hips and waist to assist her in bouncing up and down. She could tell the jock was getting close by the increased grunts and inconsistent pace of his upward thrusts. Well she was on the pill so… what the hell. Katie bounced on his cock a few more times before pressing herself as far down as she could handle, moving herself around on top to massage the dick inside her from every angle. James was sent over the edge, groaning out as he unleashed a wave of cum.

It happened again. The haze. It glazed over James’ mind once more. In the load he shot out various inferior memories from not one but both sides of himself that conflicted with his merged self. While this happened, the separate consciousness of Bradley and Seth mindfucked one another once again. This time though they were fucking each over in the 69 position. They shot load after load after load of ‘psychic cum’ into one another. Constantly filling one another with parts of their individuality. Shooting over and over until that individuality started to fade as the inner Seth and Bradley slowly became more and more indistinguishable from each other. Before long even they started to fuse, merging consciousness into one singular entity as well. Melding them together until they were no longer Seth and Bradley on the inside. They were simply just James.

———

For a while everyone was a little worried when James began acting strange for the first two days after that night. Turns out that last haze lasted way longer than the others. He started acting like the dumbest gym bro around for at least 48 hours. Once it wore off however, James had evolved in the most incredible way possible. His two inner selves, after swapping and sharing so many personality traits and memories, had eventually become identical and merged into one. No more were there two voices in his head directing him, only one unified voice. No more Seth. No more Bradley. Only James.

Unfortunately Katie saw a little bit too much of the hazed out James and decided she didn’t wanna see him anymore. Guess she didn’t wanna date a guy who all of sudden seemed as dumb as a brick. Of course he was a little upset by this but it did make things easier. He enjoyed the short time he’d spent with her but in the end he didn’t feel the same sweet connection he’d felt with Matt. Luckily for James, he’d slept through the second haze and Matt hadn’t seen him as he’d went through that third one. And so… he called him.

The two met up again and had a nice proper date this time around where they got to know each other much better. They didn’t fuck on that date however. James had to make up some sort of excuse as he wasn’t sure if he’d haze out and turn into a dumb brute again.

So later that night he tested it by busting a huge load to some porn and… nothing happened. Besides covering himself in cum that is. After that you best believe James fucked Matt’s brains out post their next date. Afterwards he even got Matt to top him! He could tell the cute smaller jock was having the time of his life pounding James’ thick muscle ass. Though, thanks to Bradley’s inherited virgin hole, he felt so fucking tight at first. It took him a long while to loosen up properly for Matt’s dick.

———

Since then it’s been about a year. After a few more successful dates, Matt and James decided to start dating properly as boyfriends and they got on incredibly well. They were always laughing and having fun, James even getting Matt into a couple of his nerdy games. They loved to fuck as much as possible and enjoyed going to the gym together. Matt had even put on a fair amount of extra muscle because of James’ encouragement and gentle guidance.

That wasn’t the only good news though. Turns out James’ plan had worked after all. After that double date he’d had with his parents, they’d started to see more and more of each over. At first they came up with the excuse that it was for their shared son but before long the two couldn’t deny they were developing feelings for one another. James was thrilled for them! It really seemed like everything had come together perfectly at last. And to think none of this would’ve been possible had Seth not bought those merging handcuffs on a whim…

Saying that, James finally decided it was time. He headed into his bedroom at his fathers house and found the merge bracelets he’d hidden all that time ago. He stared down at the objects that’d created him before holding them together, proceeding to break them both clean in half with one effortless motion. Since he didn’t wish to split, the fusion was officially made permanent. No way to return. He didn’t want to. His life now was far better than his previous two had ever been. He had two parents that were falling in love. He had a beautiful boyfriend by his side. He was smart as hell, had gotten himself a great job and still had a massive incredible body.

James was here to stay. Forever.

[strangesthirdeye]

I'M HIS- {SEVERUS SNAPE X WIFE! READER}

Summary: When cat is finally out of the bag Warning: IT'S SEVERUS SNAPE! WE'RE ALL LOVE HIM! Fluff, low angst, gentle, wounds, blood, not so major injuries, Order of the Phoenix, mentioned of kill, Death Eater, swearing, LOVELY man, OOC Severus Snape? Fluff, love, marriage, As usual, I'm sorry if there are any wrong sentences or typos or grammatical mistakes, please forgive me and again English is not my first language, so I try to improve my language and writing in this way.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"The Death Eater is getting more violent"

"They just want to show that they are back.. The Dark Lord is back" Said Sirius, hands crossed in front of him. He looked at Remus.

"And yet they are trying to bring back some old Death Eaters and recruiting some new Death Eaters." Remus muttered.

"The Dark Lord wants to make sure that they will win the war this time. They want the power to conquer the whole Wizarding World" Said Sirius.

Severus remained silent as he had nothing to say in this matter. He knows that they are outnumbered regarding how many Death Eaters there are. Although Severus was only a spy on both sides, that didn't mean he didn't have split feelings. Concerned and nervous.  But despite all those feelings, he managed to masked them all.

"Despite all that, Sirius. We can't let Harry join The Order. He's still a child" Said Remus to Sirius. He knows what Sirius is thinking regarding he has known Sirius for a long time.

"But we can't just let him be left behind. He needs to know everything. He's been through a lot before why can't we just let him join the Order if that's what he wants" Sirius reasoned.

"He's not your son, Sirius" Molly replied as she stared at Sirius intently.

"He's good to be one." Sirius insisted.

"Harry is not James" Molly stated.

Severus scoffed at the name of James Potter. His old arch enemy. He despises that man with all his life. His old bully that he will never forgive. It might sound selfish but that's the truth. He hates him just like he hates that Potter's son. Harry reminds Severus about James and he hates that his old bitter memories are opened whenever he sees Harry's face.

"He's good. Can't you see his spirit?" Sirius replied.

"Even if we see his spirit, Sirius. That doesn't mean he can join the Order. He's still a child. Who else has he got?" Remus muttered firmly, hands clasped on the table as he stared at Sirius in front of him.

"He's got me. He's already like my son" Sirius replied.

"How sentimental that is, Black. It makes me want to puke" Severus said sarcastically.

"Stay out of this, Snivellius" Sirius glared at him. "Mind your own business"

Severus rolled his eyes at him. With insults thrown at him, Severus tended to ignore them as usual. He has been used to the insults thrown at him since school, which he dealt with by ignoring it. He has been called many names and been called many things that shouldn't be even though he has been through many things that shouldn't be.

But sometimes there are times when he starts to fight back but it ends up hurting him. Throughout his school years at Hogwarts, for him is a place that can be called home and hell. Why? first it is called home is because he can distance himself from his abusive father and why he calls it hell is with all these bullying he went through while he was at Hogwarts.

But some things never change. He still goes through that phase even as an adult. Severus just remained silent at the table. Silently hoping that this meeting ends early. He doesn't want to be here but Dumbledore insisted him to join the meeting.

"Bastard" Severus silently cursed as he fidgeted his fingers under the table.

As the whole Order of the Phoenix was bickering, suddenly out of nowhere a loud crack appeared in front of the door 12 Grimmauld Place making everyone silent. They looked at each other in alarm before they rushed to the front door.

It is quite impossible for people to apparate into 12 Grimmauld place easily because they have put some spells to prevent people from apparating or entering at will. Hearing that familiar sound made them rush to the front door.

Severus was not far behind. What they found was a middle-aged woman, dressed in a black robe from top to bottom, her combat boots dirty with fresh mud, her clothes dirty with mud and moss while her face was hidden by her hood. The woman seemed to be leaning heavily on the wall. Her chest fell and rose to draw in and exhale her gasping breath as she groaned with fatigue and pain. The woman looked up to them weakly.

She then smiled genuinely. The Order of The Phoenix members who had drawn their wands on the woman frowned in confusion. Molly looked at her with concern.

The woman opened her mouth. "I believe Dumbledore said that Severus Snape is here" the woman weakly said.

Severus frowned as he walked past them to see the mysterious woman. The woman, upon seeing Severus in her line of sight, smiled weakly at him.

"They got me" The woman said. A sense of sorrow in her voice as she began to lose consciousness.

Severus widened his eyes upon hearing that as he suddenly bolted towards the woman who was almost sliding to the ground and managed to catch her from stomping to the ground.

Severus held up her head in his hands, one hand opened the woman's hood and revealed the woman's face to the other members of the Order of Phoenix.

They frowned with a hint of unfamiliarity at the woman. Her face is full of bruises and cuts that are still covered in blood. They slowly lowered their wands when they sensed that this woman was not harmed.

Severus whispered her name under his breath, trying to wake her up but she didn't respond. When Severus tried to adjust his hold on the woman, he then noticed that the shoulders of the woman's robes were wet. His hand supported her head while the other tapped her cheek to wake her up and started to touch the woman's shoulder carefully.

He pulled his hand that was holding her shoulder. There were blood stains on his palm. He furrowed his eyebrow with worry before he picked up the woman in a bridal style and walked past the other members who were watching the scene suspiciously.

"Snape wh-"

"don't get involved in this, Black" Severus hissed.

"who is she? How does she know about this place?" Remus asked.

Severus ignored them as he took the woman in his arms to one of the rooms in 12 Grimmauld place. Hearing some noises from downstairs, Harry, Hermione, Ron and the others who were hanging out in one of the rooms upstairs started to go out to see the source of the noise.

They all had confused expressions when they heard the bickering between the adults there. But then their expressions changed as Severus walked in front of them to enter one of the rooms in Grimmauld place. They never saw their Pofessor whom they despised go upstairs as long as he attended the Order of The Pheonix meeting let alone using one of the rooms here.

Harry noticed his godfather behind Severus who was still asking questions about the unconscious woman but then Sirius was silent when Severus shut the door in his face. Sirius turned the doorknob a few times knowing that the door had been locked by Severus. He scoffed before he turned his gaze to another place but then his eyes caught his godson's gaze.

Harry raised his eyebrows as if asking a question which Sirius pursed his lips and shook his head.

"You should all be in bed. It's late" Sirius muttered as he strode down to the downstairs.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Severus Kneeled beside the unconscious woman's bed. His eyebrows furrowed with concentration as he washed several wounds and cuts on the woman's face with a wet cloth to prevent infection. The woman's shirt was flipped aside for Severus to treat the wound on the woman's shoulder easily. He then put the wet cloth into a container filled with water before reaching for some potion bottles that he had brought incase something like this happened between The Order of the Phoenix.

Severus then applied the ointment he made on the woman's cuts and wounds, especially on the woman's shoulder. The woman was still unconscious which made Severus slightly worried. He then looked towards the woman's hand. His eyes seemed focused on the ring finger. There resides a simple silver ring on the woman's finger. Severus narrowed his eyes.

The same ring he was wearing. Severus diverted his gaze on the woman's face which was clean of blood. He moved closer to her then moved the strands of hair from the woman's face gently. Severus sighed lowly as he sat back against the wall beside the bed. Waiting for this mysterious woman to wake up. His hand held the woman's hand, thumb rubbed the back of the woman's hand tenderly.

As he seems to zoned out, he didn't notice the woman's eyebrows twitched indicating that the woman had begun to regain consciousness. The woman turned her head weakly as she let out a soft breath. Pain is still felt in her body. Eyes still closing but she is still aware of the warmth in her hands. Severus turned his attention from space to the woman alarmingly.

"Sev-"

"shh" Severus shushed her as he stroked the woman's face softly.

The woman sighed. "They got me"

"I know.." Severus replied.

"They know I'm a double agent"

Severus remained silent. His hand still stroking the woman's face as the woman finally opened her eyes and looked at Severus.

"I failed the mission" She whimpered.

"no, you're not, Y/n" Severus moved his body to take the woman into his arms.

"Voldemort knows that I work for Dumbledore. He knows that I am loyal to Dumbledore and not him." You paused to swallow. "He said that in the end I will betray him. Severus.. He's been suspecting me all this time. He knows. I'm scared that he will come to you too" you whimpered into his chest.

Hearing Voldemort's name made Severus' spine shiver. He remained silent as he kept embracing you.

"Don't worry about me, Love. I know what I should do." Severus assured.

You are still hugging his body. Face looked up looking at Severus' face with cheeks wet with tears. Your eyes are red from crying.

"But I'm scared Severus, that he will suspect you too. He knows that we-"

"I know.. " Severus said lowly as he stroked your hair gently. "I'll make sure he doesn't suspect anything about me"

You just nodded as you hugged his torso tightly as if your life depended on him. Severus didn't care about how tightly you hugged him but instead he hugged you tightly too. He put his chin on top of your head as he rubbed your back reassuringly.

After a few minutes of embracing each other, you both finally parted away. You bow your head as you sniffles. Severus looked at you with concern before he took your face to look at him. He palmed your cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears that wet your cheeks.

"You're going to be okay. He won't do anything to you as long as I'm with you" Severus whispered as he kissed your forehead. "you're safe here"

"I'm sorry if I suddenly apparated here. Dumbledore gave me the address of this place because he said you would be here with the Order" You muttered. "They must be surprised to see people they don't know suddenly appear"

"nonsense. That's not what you need to worry about." Severus replied. "Besides they must be wondering who are you to me"

"They will definitely be surprised upon hearing what we are to each other" You said, smiling fondly.

"Obviously" Severus muttered. "Are you okay now?" Severus added.

You hummed as you rested your head on his chest. "I'm fine as long as you're by my side"

Severus faintly smiled at that as he kissed your crown of hair. "Good, now we have to explain to them about the outburst earlier"

You huffed. "Is it necessary?"

"Yes" Severus replied.

You sighed before nodding in agreement.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"So what you said is that she is your... Wife?" Arthur mumbled in disbelief. Eyes looked at you and Severus.

Severus hummed as he kept himself close to your side as a way to support you to stand. You glanced at him gratefully before diverting your gaze to Arthur.

"We have a reason to hide this. But we can't hide this for long, can we?" you replied.

Sirius raised his eyebrows. "Can't believe that Snivellius got this beautiful woman"

"and you don't? " You furrowed your eyebrows as Severus glared at him, lips faintly smirked at your statement.

Remus sent his warning look at Sirius. "We don't need to inflame the situation, Sirius"

"What? It's true. Don't tell me you're on his side" Sirius crossed his arms.

"I'm not on anyone's side" Remus said firmly.

"She's a Death Eater! We can't trust her" Sirius snapped.

"She's a double agent just like Snape" Remus replied.

"Gentlemen, please... Take this matter seriously. We don't need any arguments here." Arthur interjected as he glared at the two men. He sighed. Molly looked at him with concern as she rubbed her hand on her husband's shoulder.

"Look. What Severus did about keeping his relationship a secret was a reasonable thing due to the situation we're going through right now... Yes, she is a double agent. Dumbledore himself gave her and Severus that qualification. I understand these days no one can be trusted but for once, please investigate it first. Like Severus explained earlier, his wife is a double agent of the Order of the Phoenix and a Death Eater. But that doesn't mean she is loyal to the Death Eater as she herself wants to bring down the Death Eater. She's been through a lot in risking her life in that position. Same goes too Severus but that doesn't mean you all can act like that towards her. Snape has a reason to hide his relationship from everyone because everyone will know that is his weak point. They don't want to risk their loved ones, neither do we, but here we are in the same situation as them. Risking the lives of our loved ones. You just can't be so quick to judge someone easily. They're human too" Arthur shook his head.

All the members there were silent with what Arthur said. There's a truth in what he said, never judge someone easily and don't easily accuse someone based on background.

Sirius sighed in defeat. "Fine.. Sorry about that, Snape's wife"

Severus rolled his eyes at that. You sighed.

You nodded. " And the name Y/n Snape actually." you crossed your arms over your chest.

"Sirius Black, though you knew who am i" Sirius said, leaning against the walls behind him with hands crossing over his chest.

"My husband's bully" you stated coldly.

Sirius and Remus were silent. Severus' lips twitched in a faint smile. Only you can make someone question themselves on the spot. Making them speechless.

"I believe we have both explained everything to you. I'm afraid I need to take my wife home to get enough rest. She's been through a lot. Farewell" Severus took your hand and slowly led you out of Grimmauld Place to apparated.

As soon as the two of you left the place, you took a breath of fresh air that night. A cold temperature slapped your skins, you brought your body closer to Severus for warmth. Severus put his hand on your uninjured shoulder.

"Are you okay?" Severus asked in concerned.

You nodded. "Brilliant. Those men really make me tired. Mentally." you said in amusement. "Though it was quite satisfying to silence Sirius Black"

Severus faintly smirked. "He deserves what he asked for" Severus murmured.

"And I won't let it slide easily" You added.

Severus brought your body closer to his. "Thank you.. For being with me"

You smiled genuinely at him as you side hugged him. "Always"

[holylulusworld]

Get off my lawn

Title: Get off my lawn

Written for @buckybarnesbingo (Round 6)

Card: B004

Square Filled: Y5: Kink: A/B/O Society

Ship/Main Pairing: Alpha (Teacher) Bucky Barnes x Omega (Teacher) Reader

Rating: Mature

Major Tags/Triggers/Warnings: a/b/o, a/b/o dynamics, misogynism, arguments, enemies to lovers, idiots in love, panty theft, implied smut

Summary: You hate your neighbor and co-worker.

Word Count: 1632

@buckybarnesevents „Hot Bucky Summer 2024”: “We’re…enemies to lovers.”

@buckybingo (expired): Square 3: High School Teachers AU

@AllCapsBingo (expired):  G3: AU: Teacher

@warmandfluffybingocards: Square 9: Enemies to lovers

@the-slumberparty (expired): Square 7: Lingerie

@buckbarnesbingo Round 5 (expired): B1: Knitting

You need time away from … everything and everyone.

Sometimes it’s hard to love your job. On days like this, when the parents of your students bug you because they believe you are more than a teacher you want to quit. According to some parents, you must be a therapist, a nanny, and a private tutor at the same time.

Impatiently clicking your pen, you listen to the last father’s rant. He’s angry because his son won’t do better than a D for months. It’s not your fault his son plays on his phone all the time.

“I’ll stop you right there,” you raise your hand, not letting the man argue with you. “It’s past my work time, still, I agreed to talk to you.” You rub your pounding temples. “Let’s be honest. Your son could do much better if only he put a little more effort into schoolwork. He just doesn’t want to.”

“That’s not true!” And he tries to argue again. Alphas are all the same. They try to force you into submission by raising their voice. “He’s a smart boy, but you don’t give him a chance.”

“Sir, I must ask you to lower your voice. I’m not your omega, and I resent your tone,” you get up from your seat. “Your son plays on his phone all the time. When I ask him to listen to the lecture, he gets cheeky. He doesn’t respect his teachers or fellow students. He’s disturbing the lectures too.”

“Mr. Barnes said my son is a good student,” the alpha snarls and puffs his chest. You roll your eyes and decide to end the conversation.

“Mr. Barnes is a gym teacher. Of course, he believes your son is a good student. Jack only ever shows interest if he can push others around and use his physical strength to intimidate others.”

“Are you implying that my son is a bully?”

“No,” you smile cooly. “I’m not implying that your son is a bully. I’m telling you that he is a bully. If you want Mr. Barnes to teach your son English too, you can ask him to be his tutor from now on.”

You grab your bag and jacket to leave the room, ignoring that the alpha snarls in your direction. You have handled men like him before and won’t whine only because he believes you must cower in front of him.

Today is not your day. First, you had to endure your student’s father, and now you run into the only co-worker you hate.

“Ah, Ms. Y/L/N,” James Buchanan Barnes, the cockiest motherfucker you ever met, purrs. “I heard you had trouble with Jake’s dad.” He grins, knowing he made things even harder for you. “Maybe you should leave the young alphas to me.”

“Maybe you should not stick your nose into other people’s business, Mr. Barnes,” you quip before marching away. He won’t get under your skin. Not today out of all days. It’s the last day of school. Summer lies ahead and you won’t allow him to ruin your mood.

“I wonder if you bought these for someone special,” Bucky laughs as he steps toward your fence to look at your rotary airer – or rather at your lingerie hanging on the airer. “I thought you hate any alpha.”

“Get. Off. My. Lawn,” you twirl around to glare at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you? What kind of man sneaks around an unbonded omega’s house to stare at her lingerie?”

He snorts when you put your hands on your hips, and snarl in his direction. “I’m not on your lawn, doll. This is a public street. I can stand here as long as I want to.”

“If you don’t get out of my sight, you’ll regret it,” you point your index finger at Bucky. “I’m warning you.”

“You’re cute when you believe you can scare me,” he laughs. “What are you going to do, huh? Threaten to throw your lingerie at me.” Bucky throws his head back, laughing. “No, I know. You are going to stab me to death with your knitting needles.”

You growl loudly. “How do you know I knit?”

“Women like you,” he steps closer to your fence and puts his hands on it, “lonely omegas no one wants to mate spend their time with knitting and telling themselves they love being single.”

“You—” you inhale sharply before turning around. Bucky is still laughing when you grab the water hose. You suddenly turn back around to spray Bucky right in the chest, soaking his shirt. He ungracefully backpaddles.

“You…” He growls when you laugh at his predicament. “Do you think this is funny?” Bucky takes off his shirt and flings it at you. “You’ll wash it and give it back to me.”

For a moment, you look at his chest, drinking his defined abs in. He is perfectly toned, and you hate him even more when your eyes drop to his thick thighs.

“In your dreams,” you rip your eyes off his body to grab the shirt and toss it in his face. “Get away from my house, you creep. What kind of man stares at a lady’s lingerie?”

“Lady,” he snorts. “You’re a fury, not a lady!”

“Bastard!”

“Bitch!”

Bucky watches you storm off, an amused smirk on his lips. He loves to toy with you and rile you up. Your scent gets stronger, and you almost drown him in it. The alpha inhales deeply, purring low in his throat as his lower half yearns for something more than your scent…

“That bastard,” you pace back and forth in your living room, eyes drifting toward the wool and your knitting needles on the coffee table. “I should stab him with my needles. One day, I’ll do it.”

Your cat meows loudly. The stray you saved a year ago wants more food, not an angry omega disturbing its sleep. “What? I took you in. You should be on my side!”

You’re about to fight with your cat when a knock interrupts you. “Christ, can I not get a moment of silence?” You walk toward the door, taking deep breaths to calm down. You don’t want to yell at someone only because Bucky Barnes riled you up once again.

“Coming,” you coo while opening the door. You put on a fake smile, but it falls when no other than the thorn in your side stands in front of you. He waves his shirt and growls your name. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you; you’ll wash my shirt!”

“I told you to get off my lawn, bastard!”

You snatch the shirt out of his hands, drop it to the ground, and stomp on it before kicking it away. “If you come here again, I’ll stab you with my knitting needle.”

“I knew you are knit—” he can’t end his line because you slam the door in his face.

“Yeah, fuck you too!”

“Where are my…” You stare at the empty rotary airer. All your lingerie and even your favorite nightie is gone. There is nothing left but Bucky’s dirty shirt. “That motherfucker stole my panties!”

He made it. Today is the day you’ll end James Buchanan Barnes's life. You run inside to get your knitting needles, a grim expression on your face. He brought it upon himself with his cocky attitude and stupid smile. How dare he drown you in his scent anytime you are near him.

The alpha will die and it’s all his fault…

“Open the fucking door!” You harshly knock at his door. “I know you are at home, you fucker! Stealing is a crime. Trespassing is a crime too!”

Bucky slowly opens his door. Today the cocky fucker has his hair pulled back. The white undershirt he’s wearing is a little too tight. He smirks at you and crosses his muscular arms over his chest. “What can I do for you doll?”

 “You know exactly what I want, Barnes,” you throw his dirty shirt in his face. “Give me back my lingerie and nightie, you fucking creep!”

“I don’t know what you are talking about?” He dips his head to let his eyes wander up and down your body. “If anyone stole clothes, it’s you. How did you get my shirt, doll?”

“You won’t get away with stealing from me,” you take a step closer to Bucky to push against his shoulders. He stumbles backward and hits the door with his back. Bucky yelps when you press one knitting needled against his crotch, poking his balls.

“Doll, what are you up to?” He watches you place your other hand on his chest, moving it up and down. “Y/N?”

“You’ll never underestimate me again,” moving your hand to his throat you smirk. “I want my lingerie back. If you don’t give them back, I’ll take something from you.”

“I can’t give them back,” he breathes heavily feeling the needly poke his sack. “I’d love to give them back…though…but…I can’t…I swear.”

“Why not? Did you give them to one of your one-nighters?” You snarl his name. “Where are my panties?”

“In my nightstand,” Bucky licks his lips. “They are dirty…though.”

You gape at him. “You fucker!”

“Yeah, I fucked them good and hard,” he grins when you drop the needle to cup his crotch. “I imagined it’s your needy hole I stuff with my thick cock.”

“You’re a pervert and a creep,” you fist his undershirt with both hands. “If you don’t want me to stab you with my knitting needle, you’ll wash my lingerie…”

“Hmm…” he purrs when you step away to move your hands under your summer dress. You shimmy out of your panties and ball them up. “What are you doing?”

“Oh, you will wash these with your dirty mouth…”

Part 2

Tags in reblog.

[maxdibert]

I think the reason I sympathise with Sirius, rather than hate him as viscerally as I hate James, is because Sirius spent 12 years in Azkaban, which means that (even though he had nothing to do with that crime) he ended up paying for his actions. He was a bully and a school tormentor, and he almost killed a fellow student with total impunity, but then the universe paid him back by killing his friends and putting him in prison for 12 years unjustly. He paid his debt. I believe in rehabilitation and paying your debts to society, and Sirius did that, so after that, I can empathise with him even though he was an idiot.

Remus had a lesser debt as he wasn’t the instigator but was complicit, yet he ended up being a pathetic man who had to be lectured by an 18-year-old about how terribly he was behaving, so in a way, he also served his sentence. Peter ended up being the servant to his victim, which is a fantastic irony, so he paid as well.

James Potter didn’t pay. James Potter lived peacefully, died fast without suffering, and didn’t pay. He was a bully and an abuser, and he didn’t pay, and that’s why I cannot feel even the slightest bit of empathy for him. Even Peter seems more likeable because he also served his sentence. But not James. James was the ringleader and the main instigator, and then it was as if nothing happened. So, I’m actually quite glad that at least he didn’t get to see his son grow up—that’s the least he deserved. He could also have watched his wife die—it’s a shame Voldemort killed him first.

[wisteria-lodge]

Since you’ve talked about Molly and Draco, can you talk about Snape as well? When you said that there was a disconnect with Snape’s character I honestly wasn’t sure if you meant the audience was supposed to like him more or less than they actually do.

This is a complicated one, because Book 1-3 Snape and Book 5-7 Snape are written so differently that I actually want to talk about them as two separate characters. 

Book 1-3 Snape… kind of sucks. Maybe he sucks in a way you find funny (which I completely get. A lot of comedy - especially British comedy - revolves around finding the humor in really *mean* people. Snape is *written* to be funny in a dry, acerbic, Roald Dahl kind of way.) But maybe Snape sucks in a way that’s not fun for you, he’s just upsetting and cruel. Either way, he’s petty, unfair, a bully, completely unreasonable, and doesn’t really appear to have any redeeming qualities. Snape protects Harry in Book 1 only because James Potter saved his life and, according to Dumbledore:  

“Professor Snape couldn’t bear being in your father’s debt. . . . I do believe he worked so hard to protect you this year because he felt that would make him and your father even. Then he could go back to hating your father’s memory in peace. . . .” 

Later on, Snape’s motivation will become “Protect Harry because you couldn’t protect Lily.” But there’s no hint of that here.

I actually think it’s very likely that ‘Snape was in love with Lily’ is a plotline added during Book 4, because 1-3 Snape’s motivation is so completely focused on JAMES. He hates Harry because he looks like James, he hates James because (according to Lupin) he’s “jealous, I think, of James’s talent on the Quidditch field.” Within the context of the series it’s easy to say that Lupin is lying, and with good reason… but in the context of the first three books, I think that’s just meant to be true? Snape, as we know, is a stealth quidditch hooligan the way McGonagall is. Also… James’ characterization shifts around. He’s not a bully in the first three books, he’s Head Boy… and that Head Boy thing doesn’t quite gel with what we hear from Sirius later: 

“No one would have made me a prefect, I spent too much time in detention with James. Lupin was the good boy, he got the badge.”

(I know JKR plans things out in advance, but she absolutely does change things on the fly. Arthur Weasley not getting killed by Nagini is an easy example that we definitely know about. And come on - the entire last book is a Deathly Hallows fetch-quest. Was there really no way to slip in a reference to Beedle the Bard - or a super-powerful semi-mythical wand - anywhere in the first six books?) 

So, in books 1-3, there's no hint that Snape is a potion prodigy, particularly powerful, or even particularly clever. He wrote a logic puzzle and “knows an awful lot about the Dark Arts.” But that’s it. “Potion Master” isn’t an advanced rank, it’s just the posh British boarding school way of saying “teacher.” (Like headmaster = head teacher.) He can *make* Wolfsbane potion, but he isn't out here inventing spells and modding the textbook. Early Snape is also a lot more *emotional* than he is later on, when his ability to “Master yourself!... control your anger, discipline your mind!” becomes extremely plot relevant. Like, can you picture 5-7 Snape (or Alan Rickman, who plays a distinctly later-books Snape) doing any of this? 

Snape was beside himself. “OUT WITH IT, POTTER!” he bellowed. “WHAT DID YOU DO?”  “Professor Snape!” shrieked Madam Pomfrey. “Control yourself!”  “See here, Snape, be reasonable,” said Fudge. “This door’s been locked, we just saw —”  “THEY HELPED HIM ESCAPE, I KNOW IT!” Snape howled, pointing at Harry and Hermione. His face was twisted; spit was flying from his mouth.  “Calm down, man!” Fudge barked. “You’re talking nonsense!”  “YOU DON’T KNOW POTTER!” shrieked Snape. “HE DID IT, I KNOW HE DID IT —”

In Movie 3, Snape gets a cool protective moment where he shoves the kids behind him during the werewolf attack. In Book 3, Snape is unconscious during the entire werewolf attack because Harry, Ron and Hermione simultaneously decide he’s too dangerous, and too much of a liability to keep around. Here are are some bangers from Book 3 Snape: 

- “Don’t ask me to fathom the way a werewolf’s mind works.”   - “KEEP QUIET, YOU STUPID GIRL!” Snape shouted, looking suddenly quite deranged. “DON’T TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!” - “Up to the castle?... I don’t think we need to go that far. All I have to do is call the dementors once we get out of the Willow. They’ll be very pleased to see you, Black . . . pleased enough to give you a little Kiss, I daresay. . . .”  - “I’ll drag the werewolf. Perhaps the dementors will have a Kiss for him too —”

If you sort of squint you can maybe say - okay, maybe this is a PTSD response. Like I’m writing a Snape POV fic right now, you can make it work. But it’s not work the books do for you, and it’s not the characterization choice they make in the films. 

BUT. Snape goes through a little bit of a revamp/retcon in Book 4. It’s totally deliberate - he’s Book 1-3 Snape at the beginning, then he basically vanishes from the narrative… the reader kind of forgets about him…  until it comes up during Karkaroff’s trial that Dumbledore ABSOLUTELY trusts him, even though he was a Death Eater. So now when Snape turns up at the climax - he’s a figure of intrigue, and it makes sense that he’s one of the two people Dumbledore brings with him to deal with Barty. Honestly, it’s a pretty cool magic trick. We buy it when - instead of hissing and spitting and hopping around like he does when he confronts Fudge at the end of Book 3 - Book 4 Snape deals with Fudge like this: 

Snape strode forward… pulling up the left sleeve of his robes as he went. He stuck out his forearm and showed it to Fudge, who recoiled.  “There,” said Snape harshly. “There. The Dark Mark. It is not as clear as it was an hour or so ago, when it burned black, but you can still see it. (...) This Mark has been growing clearer all year. Karkaroff’s too. Why do you think Karkaroff fled tonight? We both felt the Mark burn. We both knew he had returned. Karkaroff fears the Dark Lord’s vengeance.”

Calm, collected, focused. This is a character who you’re supposed to take seriously, a character who you are supposed to respect. 

I think it’s very interesting that after Book 4, we don’t see Snape *bully* the students during class again. He’s strict, and he’s a hard grader, and Harry still thinks he’s unfair, but like… the narrative framing is on his side now. 

“Tell me, Potter,” said Snape softly, “can you read?”  Draco Malfoy laughed.  “Yes, I can,” said Harry, his fingers clenched tightly around his wand.  “Read the third line of the instructions for me, Potter.”  Harry squinted at the blackboard(… ) His heart sank. He had not added syrup of hellebore, but had proceeded straight to the fourth line of the instructions after allowing his potion to simmer for seven minutes.  “Did you do everything on the third line, Potter?” “No,” said Harry very quietly.  “I beg your pardon?” “No,” said Harry, more loudly. “I forgot the hellebore...”  “I know you did, Potter, which means that this mess is utterly worthless. Evanesco.” The contents of Harry’s potion vanished; he was left standing foolishly beside an empty cauldron. “Those of you who have managed to read the instructions, fill one flagon with a sample of your potion, label it clearly with your name, and bring it up to my desk for testing.” (...)  “That was really unfair,” said Hermione consolingly, sitting down next to Harry  (...) “Yeah, well,” said Harry, glowering at his plate, “since when has Snape ever been fair to me?”

Like he isn’t nice, but he also isn’t asking Harry questions he can’t possibly know the answers to, threatening to kill someone’s pet, or calling Hermione ugly. He didn’t even take away house points. And - during the next lesson, we are told that the approach Snape took with Harry actually worked?

Determined not to give Snape an excuse to fail him this lesson, Harry read and reread every line of the instructions on the blackboard at least three times before acting on them. His Strengthening Solution was not precisely the clear turquoise shade of Hermione’s but it was at least blue rather than pink, like Neville’s, and he delivered a flask of it to Snape’s desk at the end of the lesson with a feeling of mingled defiance and relief. 

I want to do one more close read, on a excerpt from Book 5: 

Harry realized how much Professor McGonagall cared about beating Slytherin when she abstained from giving them homework in the week leading up to the match. (...)  Nobody could quite believe their ears until she looked directly at Harry and Ron and said grimly, “I’ve become accustomed to seeing the Quidditch Cup in my study, boys, and I really don’t want to have to hand it over to Professor Snape, so use the extra time to practice, won’t you?” Snape was no less obviously partisan: He had booked the Quidditch pitch for Slytherin practice so often that the Gryffindors had difficulty getting on it to play. He was also turning a deaf ear to the many reports of Slytherin attempts to hex Gryffindor players in the corridors. When Alicia Spinnet turned up in the hospital wing with her eyebrows growing so thick and fast that they obscured her vision and obstructed her mouth, Snape insisted that she must have attempted a Hair-Thickening Charm on herself and refused to listen to the fourteen eyewitnesses who insisted that they had seen the Slytherin Keeper, Miles Bletchley, hit her from behind with a jinx.

This has a very similar structure to the sequence when Snape refuses to punish Draco for enlarging Hermione’s teeth. Slytherins and Gryffindors having an altercation, Gryffindor girl gets caught in the crossfire. BUT a few key things have been changed. One - the section is told in second-hand narration, which makes it less emotional than the teeth-scene. Two - the section begins with comparing Snape to McGonagall: she’s being biased/helping out her students too, so it’s only fair if he does it as well. Three - his insult isn’t “Your face has always looked like that,” it’s “You must have messed up a spell,” which is a lot less personal, and a lot less mean. (If anything, Snape is subtly insulting her for casting a cosmetic charm/being too girly… and being a girly-girl is an inherently suspect characteristic in JKR’s world.) Everything about this passage is set up to create a “Snape the Bully” moment… that kind of excuses Snape. 

So, what do we have? There are the people that think Book 1-3 Snape just went too far, and you can soften the narrative framing around him, and you can add in as many tragic backstories as you want, and it doesn’t really matter. THAT is definitely not what JKR wants you to think. She wants to bring you along for the ride, and (as you can tell from the framing) she's started to like Snape a lot.

HOWEVER. I do not think that the fan who likes 5-7 Alan Rickman Snape is… quite seeing the same thing she is. I get the sense that in the text, Snape’s tragic backstory is not meant to *explain* his bad behavior so much as it is meant to *excuse* it. He stays mean and bad-tempered… but he’s allowed to be, both because he is always acting in service to a Good Cause, and because he was abused at home, bullied at school, etc. A big part of why I think JKR likes writing Snape so much (and why she’s so protective of him) is because she finds something cathartic in letting a character be nasty… but for it to be allowed because they’ve suffered, and also because they're in the right. Sadly I think this describes a lot of her current online interactions. 

JKR also loves the idea of *pining.* (It is crazy how long the main characters’ pining/longing/will-they-won’t-they thing in the Cormoran Strike books has lasted.) It’s a very safe kind of romance, and (again, sadly) you can tell from her writing that romance is not generally something that feels safe to her. Snape is sometimes characterized by those who dislike the character as an incel-type who wants to possess Lily, and I just don’t think that’s in the text. If anything it’s the other way around. Snape has some unconsummated, medieval courtly love thing going on, where he has decided to live his life in Lily’s service. 

I wrote about why I think Draco Malfoy (unintentionally) appeals to fans. With Snape…  I actually think a lot of his current (unintentional) appeal comes from the way a softer Snape reframes the narrative into something more complex, and especially the way it reframes Dumbledore. Manipulative/Morally Grey Dumbledore is a *very* popular fan interpretation, and the way you get that is with a sympathetic Severus Snape. 

“You disgust me,” said Dumbledore, and Harry had never heard so much contempt in his voice. Snape seemed to shrink a little. (...)  “Hide them all, then,” he croaked. “Keep her — them — safe. Please.”  “And what will you give me in return, Severus?”  “In — in return?” Snape gaped at Dumbledore, and Harry expected him to protest, but after a long moment he said, “Anything.”

The implications here are really far reaching. Because to me, the main question when it comes to Snape is - why does he STAY at Hogwarts? He clearly hates it, why doesn’t he just leave? If you’re talking about 1-3 Snape, it's because he’s eternally holding out for the Defense Against the Dark Arts job, and he’s just kind of a twisted miserable guy who would probably be equally miserable everywhere. 

But books 5-7 add the context that he’s brilliant, he’s brave, he’s principled, he’s got a sense of humor. He seems close with the Malfoys. He has *options.* So now the (unintended?) implication is… he doesn’t leave because Dumbledore won’t let him. The fact that he keeps applying for the DADA job becomes dark and borderline suicidal when we learn it’s cursed, and that Snape knows it’s cursed. If he takes it, he’ll leave (or die) at the end of the year. That means, every year, he’s tacitly asking Dumbledore “Can I leave?” And Dumbledore is answering “No.” 

That’s such an interesting, juicy character dynamic. Snape is being kept miserable on purpose because… he’s easier to control that way? And if that’s true… then oh boy is it sinister that Dumbledore left Harry with the Dursleys. He knew he was raising Harry “like a pig for slaughter” (as Snape puts it.) And if Harry doesn’t have a support system, if he’s miserable, if Dumbledore can swoop in as his savior… then doesn’t that make him so much easier to control? 

[lysil7777]

Yan! Dom! Fem! Reader x Sub! Boy

"P-please just.. just leave me alone!" James whimpered, tears welling up in his brown eyes, cheeks and ears flushing

"Aww what's wrong Jamie? Are you gonna cry? Did I hurt your feelings? Do you need your Mommy? You lean in to bite his ear and then whisper "I could be your mommy~"

Jamie hated himself for being unable to stop the moan that came out when you nipped at his ear and hated himself even more for letting you bully and harass him everyday.

When Jamie started college he swore things would be different from high school, he'd be more social, more motivated, and less shy. But 3 months later and the only person he talked to on a daily basis was you.

The first time you two met was in class, he'd braved up the courage to ask you for a pencil, he didn't really need one but he was trying to get out of his comfort zone.

You obliged but only after teasing him a bit asking what he'd give you in return, he got all embarrassed not knowing how to properly return your banter, and offered to pay you which you found very amusing. After a few more interactions you started to grow very fond of the nerd who sat behind you in Calc and before you knew it he was always on your mind.

The way he'd get embarrassed and look away from you when he didn't know what to say, the nervous habits he had when he was out by himself, how kind he was without anyone noticing, he was your adorable little specimen, for you only. And of course the best part was how naughty he could be, oh he was so innocent at the same time tho. You'd lost count of the number of times you'd watched him through his window, jerking it to soft domme porn, pet play, degradation, and dumbification, he was a pervy little nerd but the shame he felt afterward made you want to climb through his window and show him how much more depraved you were.

"What are you talking about y/n, I'm older than you that doesn't even make sense" he rambled looking anywhere but your eyes that were boring into his skull. God why did you have to be so close, why did you have to smell so good and be so pretty and-

His thoughts were cut off when you grabbed his chin and made him look at you directly

"I just think you're the kind of guy who needs direction, someone to help make those difficult decisions a sweet pet like you can't really decide for themselves, and why should you, that pretty little head of yours shouldn't have to worry about a single thing" you cooed squishing his cheeks together and making his lips push out

"I'm eighteen y/n, I can make my own decisions" Jamie argued or tried to through squished lips

At 5'3" you stood an entire nine inches under Jamie, but that didn't make him feel any less small in your presence

Letting go of his face you took a step back pretending to think for a moment "Alright then, I'll let you choose. Give me your number or get wedgied."

Jamie stood there dumb for a second, pants growing tighter and his skin warmer

"W-what?" He laughed nervously

Pulling his face closer to yours by the collar of his shirt you repeated your earlier statement to him in a slow demeaning manner, as if he was brain dead

"Give me your number or you get boo boo, oh no!" Your lips turned down in faux sadness

Jamie wasn't sure what to make of the situation, you usually weren't this physical with him, he was a little scared but mostly turned on. He didn't want to admit it but he had the teeniest tiniest crush on you and he blamed the stupid porn he'd been watching but he only looked into it because of you!

"I-I don't.." he paused

On one hand, he wanted to give you his number but on the other hand he'd never thought getting wedgied sounded so appealing

"You don't hmm~? Well, that just won't do. What happened to my big tough guy? Who was so strong and independent? Do you know darling? Ah, of course you don't. You're just as clueless as a little puppy dog and as cute as one too <3"

The new nickname shocked Jamie and caused him to audibly gasp, his hard-on fully visible now

"You can't j-just-aghhh"

You gripped him by his hair to cut him off

"Oh is puppy trying to give the orders now? What a silly little mutt you are, you really don't know how this works do you? The tent in your pants suggests otherwise but here you are telling me what I can and can't do with my property"

"I-I'm not yours y/n! A-and I'm not a pervert!!"

That first statement made your blood boil and you didn't even realize that you'd pushed Jamie down to his knees

"A good dog doesn't speak, a good dog gets treats and rewards but you're not being a good dog, Jamie. I know your tiny brain might not have comprehended it yet but you are mine, you're only mine. Who else is gonna talk to such a pervert hm? You were made for me, nobody else should ever see you like this, in fact, nobody ever sees you the way I do."

Before he could get a word out you pinned him to his position by placing your shoe on his clothed dick and reached over him to grab his boxers. Putting pressure on both simultaneously had him squirming and letting out the most sinful moans that made you wanna take him right then and there.

"Y-nnnnnnn" he whined, grinding up to help release some of the tension but each movement made the fabric between his ass more uncomfortable

"Shhh puppy, this is the punishment you've been given, I wouldn't be a very good owner if I didn't discipline my pet, you just gotta learn how to be good for me mkay? Don't you wanna learn how to be good and get rewards and pets and walkies~?"

All the new sensations made Jamie's head spin, his body felt like it was burning up from the inside out, his head was fuzzy, his dick was so much more sensitive than it had ever been while he was touching it and he couldn't place why the slight uncomfortableness of the wedgie made his parts throb even more, the whole situation was so intense poor boy couldn't fully wrap his doggy brain around it.

"I-I'm so close y/nnn, oh godd please, give me more! 'M so closeee" he panted not caring how pathetic he looked

"Already? Such a greedy pup for me hehe~ Have you learned your lesson, Jamie? Do you even deserve to cum against the bottom of my shoe?" You sang in a taunting manner pressing down even harder with your shoe

"I-, aghhhhh ohh yess fuck, YES! I'm yours y/n only yours! Promise! I'll-uggghh I'll be-hah hah- good! Just for you!"

"Atta boy! That wasn't so hard was it pup?" Finally letting go of his underwear you continued to let Jamie grind against your foot until he got to the edge

"M- boutta...cum!!" At this point, Jamie had grabbed your leg, chin resting on your thick thigh, eyes teary and glazed over staring up at you as if you were a goddess

Softly cupping his face you lifted it off your leg and removed any contact from his dick causing him to let out strings of breathy and high-pitched whines

You sat down and pulled him into your lap, gently wiping away the fresh fallen tears off his face

"W-*hiccup*why y/n, was so close...so close"

His protest died down with a stern look from you

"You'll be alright puppy, I promise. I'm gonna take care of you from now on, you are mine after all"

The rest of the evening was spent holding your new puppy, rubbing his tummy and flustering him with all the soft attention you gave him

He couldn't believe he got so lucky as to experience you, and as long as he considers being owned and expected to heed your everyword, he was lucky!

End <3

[sour-leminies]

Paring: Hook x F!Reader

Summary: Hook being your bully, and falling for you Headcannons.

Warnings: Hook being mean, Getting bullied.

Taglist: @unhealthy-obessions @4ng3l-ch1ld @herondale-lightworm @astrynyx @snixx2088 Ask to be added.

Navigation — other works!

When he first met you, it was when you had stood up for Bridget. Your smart words, and the way you carried yourself enticed him. Made him want to know more about you.

Ever since then he would always mess with you. Maybe “accidentally” spilling milk on you. Maybe tripping you. Etc.

Would always laugh at you, no matter what. He had once laughed at the color of your hair, and got a whole bunch of other kids to make fun of it.

Though when you came to school one day, your hair color changed, he didn’t know what the sinking feeling in his stomach was. Maybe guilt?

One time he had decided to be slightly nice to you, and when you were nice to him back — even after him tormenting you, he couldn’t help but think that was the moment he fell.

While you were kind to him still, you weren’t naturally forgiving like Bridget. You were nice to an extent, some petty remarks you would throw his way, and it made that burning feeling rush in him.

After school, you two would run into each other, and for some reason he would always go the same path everyday, making sure he would run into you. Always meeting at a blueberry bush.

After getting to know you slightly better, he started to leave you alone in school — and that made you trust him. However once Uliana and the rest of the crew started to ask him why he went soft on you he got scared.

Started to bully you again only this time much worse. You had hated the man, the man that had made you start to actually care for him.

You had hated Captain Hook, and had fallen in love with James. What a cruel joke.

When you had run into him again once after school, you let everything out. Begging him to stop tormenting you, to just leave you alone because your heart couldn’t take the fact that the man you had loved had this whole time despise you.

He had laughed in your face when you confessed to him. He had laughed and said, “I could never love someone like you.” Little did you know he felt like dying while saying that. You also didn’t see that the crew was right around the corner listening to you both.

When he goes on his redemption arc, I’m positive the song you guys sing is “you’re the one that I want” by grease.

—

A/N: I might either do a series or a oneshot on this. Idk yet — I have to get out the first chapter of Enchanting.

[firsttimewriter92]

I would love a sirius x reader fic set during OoTP where the reader works at the Ministry while being part of the Order like Arthur and Kingsley, and she's staying at Grimmauld Place with Sirius. She often comes home to find him drunk and touch-starved during the school year when the only other person in the house is Kreacher. thanks xx

Hello dear anon :) I know it´s been a while since you sent me this ask. I hope you´re still in the mood for it :P I kept it pretty tame but there´s a lot of angst and it developed into a huge slow burn. Hope that´s all right and everyone enjoyes it <3

Words: 7.536

Warnings: Angst, cursing, (f!) hufflepuff reader, mentions of Sirius being bisexual, kissing, slow burn, fluff

12 Years

“Oh, for fucks sake, not again” you whisper sighed as you entered the kitchen at Grimmauld Place number 12. “Third time this week” you grumbled as you looked at Sirius´ slumped over figure sitting on the polished wooden table. His arms cushioned his head that was laying on the surface, an almost empty bottle of fire whisky next to him. No glass.

Taking off your shawl and coat you walked over to him to assess the damage. It wasn´t as bad as it usually was. At least this time he was clothed.

Three months ago, your boss and mentor Kingsley Shacklebolt had brought you to your first order meeting. The moment he told you what the order was and what they did, you exploded on him. Why didn’t he tell you about this order sooner? Didn’t he trust you enough? Wasn’t he confident enough in your abilities? Kingsley had just stood there stoically, letting you spit fire at him. When you´d finished, Kingsley sighed deeply and started explaining his reluctance to you.

He knew. Of course, he did. He knew who you´d meet again, once you set foot into headquarters and he didn’t know how you´d react. He was right to do so actually. The first time your eyes had met those of Sirius Black, it had flared up again. That nauseating feeling that haunted you for 14 years. Guilt, sadness and loneliness were flooding your system with only a small glimmer of hope and relief.

It was so surreal to have him in your general vicinity again. Two years younger than him, your time at Hogwarts had been the happiest you´ve ever felt. When puberty hit you like a freight train and the mischief of James Potter and Sirius Black became legendary, your hormones betrayed you in the worst possible way. A major crush on the black-haired teenager formed itself inside your chest over the years. Clawing at your ribcage every time you saw him in the corridors, you hated the feeling. You hated his beautiful face, you hated that your body reacted the way it did.

As a Hufflepuff and general people pleaser you´d despised his arrogance and his devil may care attitude. Especially towards the swarms of girls hanging onto the seem of his cloak. You´d stolen glances from afar, never exchanging a word with him. You paid attention instead. You saw everything and liked only so much. His pranks amused you; his bullying infuriated you, his attentiveness to his friends and the younger students warmed you. 

Sometimes, especially after the holidays, you saw him sitting in the great hall amongst his friends, a dull and empty look in his eyes and your heart had squeezed so painfully that you had to look away. About a second later, when you dared to look again, he was grinning and joking like nothing had happened.

And then, one year into your Auror training, your world came crashing down on you. You arrived at the ministry and immediately felt the air buzzing with dread and excited relief all at once. Grabbing the daily prophet that was handed to you with shaking fingers, your knees gave out then and there. Sirius´ face, screaming and laughing manically, stared at you. Ice replaced your blood as you´d read the news.

James and Lily dead. The dark Lord gone; a little boy still alive. Sirius? A cold-blooded murderer and traitor; already in a cell in Azkaban. You refused to believe it. You refused! James was more than a friend to Sirius. There was no way he was a death eater. Sirius had never made a secret about his hatred towards his family or how much he loved his friends.

That´s when your letters had begun bombarding the ministry.

__________________________________________________________

Now, here at Grimmauld place, you had to watch Sirius fight every day just to try and keep his sanity. Between the usual order meetings and the children coming to visit for the holidays, he drank himself to sleep every night. And ever since you´d moved into one of the bedrooms upstairs, you helped him into bed or at least onto a couch every night. Dumbledor was the one who´d asked you if you wanted one of the rooms upstairs. “Less commute” he´d said, remembering your dislike of apparating quite vividly. When asked if he had any objections, Sirius had only grunted before disappearing into Buckbeak´s room.

He wasn´t always unpleasant, however. Sometimes you did have conversations when meeting in the library by chance, although they´d always turned out quite meaningless. You couldn’t figure out if he wanted you there or not.

Around the holidays when the house was full, so his heart seemed to be. He warmed up to you, brought you tea, filled your plate at dinner (much to the surprise of everyone at the table) and conversed with you a little more enthusiastically. At these rare occasions you began to see glimpses of the flamboyant teenager return into his grey eyes and his small grins. Your heart beginning to flutter in your chest yet again. Then the teenagers returned to Hogwarts and so did Sirius´ sour mood.

It was about two weeks after Christmas now and therefore the 14th day of you finding Sirius black out drunk early in the evening. You walked over to the cabinet in the corner of the kitchen and pulled out the last flask of potion you´d brewed for him. It usually woke him up enough for you to be able to manoeuvre him around and lessen his hangover the next day. You hadn’t quite figured out how to make it potent enough to get rid of his drunkenness completely. It was an immensely complicated brew.

Sighing, you uncorked the flask and moved Sirius into a sitting position. He mumbled something and flopped around in your arms like a rag doll. Leaning his head back you put the flask to his mouth and poured. Sirius tried to get out of your grip very weakly and some of the potion spilled from the side of his mouth. “Come on, Sirius, please” you said urgently. “Swallow, damn it.” He finally did. When the flask was empty you gently guided his head back onto the table and waited.

You knew he wouldn’t be sober when he woke up but at least he would be coherent enough to work with. Slowly he began to stir. His head lifted and with a deep groan he leaned back into his chair, holding the bridge of his nose. The long black mass of hair on his head was dishevelled but still wavy and bouncy as it had been all these years ago. The little streaks of grey on his temples and in his beard only contributed to his still very much intact attractiveness.

Sirius wiped at his mouth absentmindedly and opened his eyes. Grey orbs found yours sitting across from him immediately. Instantly you recognized the defiance in them. Great.

“I asked you to give me that shit in the mornings. Not when I´m trying to sleep” he croaked hoarsely in a cold voice. You rolled your eyes. “I´m not letting you sleep at the table, Sirius. Not when you own a bed upstairs. But I can´t lift your arse, so…” you shrugged and looked at him challengingly. You´d figured out quite quickly that trying to be compassionate and soft with him in these situations had no impact whatsoever. Sirius huffed and wiped at his face again to try and gain more control over his movements.

“Never asked you to do that” he slurred slowly. Hot annoyance burned your throat when you answered in a hiss. “´S better than you trying to climb some stairs, falling backwards and breaking your fucking neck.” Sirius laughed humourlessly and looked you straight in the face.

“Not so sure about that.” He had a weird glimmer in his slightly sunken eyes.

“For fucks sake, Sirius!” you yelled as your fist hit the table. Sirius flinched only slightly as you regarded him with a furious look. “Could you at least pretend that you care about your own life? I know you´re lonely and frustrated. I´m sorry I´m annoying you by staying here but the order still needs you! Harry needs you!” You knew you had him with that. His godson seemed to be his only lifeline sometimes. “I won´t pretend to know what you had to go through, Sirius. But you´ve been given a second chance at this, even though you didn’t even get a first one. And you´re drinking it away. Stop it!”

Sirius looked at you for a long time. Breathing heavily his eyes threw daggers at you and internally you just waited for him to cuss you out. That didn’t happen though. Sirius stood up from his chair without breaking eye contact with you. You didn’t like the way he started walking over to you, almost predatory. So, you stood as well and backed away against the table. Of course, you´d crossed a line.

Watching him step closer and closer you had no idea what he was trying to do. The moment he stood right in front of you, his breath hit your face. It reeked of alcohol, and you crunched your nose a little bit. Sirius grinned, showing off his sharp canines.

“You´re worried about me” he sang triumphantly but couldn’t quite remove the belittlement from his voice. Even though you were sure he could feel the heat emitting from your face, your stomach churned with rage instead of shame. “At least someone is” you hissed quietly. He ignored it and only raised a single black eyebrow. You hated how good he looked doing that.

“Don´t tell me,” He breathed and leaned down closer to you. Fuck, fuck! Too close! “You have a little crush on me.” Your head snapped up immediately and your face must have betrayed you because Sirius´ face lit up in sarcastic glee. He chuckled darkly as his eyes scanned your face quickly. “Is that why you wanted to live here? Aw, that´s nice. How old are you? You couldn’t have been in my year at Hogwarts. I´d sure as fuck remember you.” Again, there they were. The waves of nausea crashing over you. Your infatuation with him mixed with worry about his behaviour started to become a cocktail of resentment and pity. You didn’t want to feel this way about him.

“Get the fuck out of my face, Black” you growled and leaned further away from him. Something dangerous mixed itself into his swirling grey irises and your stomach sank.

“Come on now, birdy” he whispered, leaning over you and talking against your neck. Your breathing faltered and hitched, your hands gripping the side of the table hard. “You´re pretty enough. You´d be a delightful way to pass the time.” Shock almost made your body convulse. You knew he was still drunk but his words were so clear. You felt cold, useless and helpless. His lips ghosted across your pulse when he spoke again. “Don´t be a prude, now.”

WHACK!

Your arm pushed him away from you forcefully before your hand collided with his cheek with full force, knocking him back a couple of steps. Breathing heavily, you stood upright and glared at him. His head was still turned so you could see his pale cheek turn red by your smack. When he looked back at you, you didn’t see rage or confusion in his eyes. In fact, they looked almost apologetically, like he knew he´d fucked up but was too proud to admit it.

Your eyes were slits when you spoke next. “Have it your way, then. I can´t deal with a three-split persona. Either hate me, tolerate me or fucking ignore me completely. But one more disrespectful bullshit act like that and I swear, Black, you´ll have one less ally here.”

With those venom laced words you turned on your heel and stormed out the kitchen and upstairs to your room.

Sirius stood there alone in the kitchen for another few minutes. The alcohol was still thrumming in his veins, but he was all too aware of what he´d done. What he´d said, even as he said it.

Of course, he knew you were right with everything you´d said. And that infuriated him more than he cared to admit. Why were you even here? After a stressful day at the ministry, you came back to a horribly decorated, dirty, uncomfortable hellhole of a house, a house elf that insulted you whenever he got the chance to and a fucking drunk man child. Every night. Sometimes he´d wondered how he´d gotten onto the sofa in the library or into his own bed after drinking. He´d had an idea that it might have been you, but he couldn’t be sure. Now he was.

You´d always made him drink the hangover potion that was in the cabinet in the corner. Had he ever thought about how it got there? Who bought or made it? He couldn’t remember.

You didn’t deserve this. He actually came to appreciate your presence over the holidays. He found you witty and bright, a delight if he was honest with himself. And the fact that you were a special kind of beautiful in his eyes didn’t help at all. So why couldn’t he allow you to grow closer to him? You clearly made an effort to at least know him better.

Bitterly he walked over to the almost empty bottle of whisky, setting it to his mouth. Thinking better of it he stopped, turned and poured the remains down the sink. There was a horrible taste in his mouth. Either hate me; He didn’t hate you. Tolerate me; He wanted to do so much more than that. Or fucking ignore me completely; How the fuck was he supposed to do that when you just…existed?!

He really needed to get his head out of his arse. That was no way to talk to anyone. You just wanted to help. Why though? He´d never seen you before. At least he couldn’t remember but then again, he´d surely lost a lot of memories back in prison. You must have been at Hogwarts.

Oh fuck, were you an old flame?! His body went rigid when he thought about that. It would kind of explain your behaviour towards his advances. Or…OR, you dickhead, she just didn’t want a sorry drunk, smelling like a distillery all over her. Sirius shook his head. Why was either rage or excessive flirting always his default? Because he didn’t think you´d react like that. He was way out of line of course, so he really didn’t think his hunch about you having a crush on him would have this much of an impact. How the hell could you like him when he behaved so poorly in front of you; when he hadn’t paid you much attention since you´d moved in?

Maybe he should start doing that.

________________________________ 

You lay in your bed that evening, hot tears running down your face and sweat beading at your forehead. You felt so lost. Had you really been holding onto this teenage version of him so desperately that you couldn’t see how much he was suffering now as a man?

It´s true, he´d never asked for your help. Were your actions overstepping boundaries of his that you just couldn’t see? He´d made you feel so insignificant that evening with just a few words. You felt downright dirty and even though he didn’t really do anything more than graze his lips along your neck, you felt used.

You´re pretty enough…enough. Was your intuition really this bad? Had you read him all wrong for all these years? No. He was drunk, he was frustrated, he was alone. Maybe someday he´d let you help him with at least that. His loneliness.

__________________________

The next evening there was supposed to be an order meeting and you were dreading it like nothing else. You tip toed around the house the whole day, praying that you wouldn’t run into Sirius at least until the Meeting started. Unfortunately, you weren’t that lucky.

When you made your way downstairs to the kitchen, you crept along the corridor quietly as to not wake up the shrieking portrait of Sirius´ mother. Just as you were about to open the door to your left down into the kitchen another one further down the corridor opened and Sirius walked out. Both of you stopped immediately when your eyes met. Your whole body went rigid and hot acid bubbled up your throat. Sirius stood still. He looked at you with an unreadable expression. He sighed deeply and his eyes changed into something calmer and softer.

He opened the door to the room he´d just exited again and waved you over. When you couldn’t move from your spot, his face contorted into a pleading look and he mouthed a ´please´, waving you over once again. And even though your legs felt like jelly, you started moving. Your heart was beating out of your chest when you passed him. You noticed he smelled clean. Clean clothes, clean hair, no alcohol on his breath or his skin.

You walked into the little study and turned around just as Sirius closed the door timidly behind him.

He squared his shoulder and looked at you. You were sure he could see your shiver.

“I have to apologize” he rumbled. “I behaved…incredibly disrespectful towards you last night and you have every right to resent me after what I´ve said.”

You stared at him. That wasn’t exactly what you expected. But it was also very much welcome. You stayed quiet, noticing that he was still trying to talk, having difficulty finding the words. So, you gave him time, schooling your features into not looking at him like you wanted to be anywhere but in his presence.

Sirius started pacing and mumbling before he looked at you again. “´S been difficult” he whispered. “I´m sorry, truly.” He hung his head, raking his fingers through his hair. “I´m not really sure what else to tell you. I-I don’t know you. But…maybe that could change? I mean, you live here. Might as well be…house…mates? Urgh” he groaned loudly and only stopped when you started giggling. He whipped his head in your direction and raised an eyebrow.

You stood there and watched him fight tooth and nail to explain what he wanted and honestly, after his apology you found it kind of amusing. Sirius was anything but insincere, so you didn’t question his motives in wanting to get to know you better. You appreciated it immensely and slowly your body relaxed, the acid in your throat started to retreat.

“Listen,” he said with a lopsided smile, his eyes glued to your smirk. “You can´t laugh at me for having terrible interpersonal skills. I was incarcerated for 12 years.” Your giggle immediately stopped as you looked at him with guilt.

“Relax” he said gently. “Sometimes jokes are the only thing that help me coping.” You nodded hesitantly.

“Did I even introduce myself properly when we first met?” he curiously asked.

“Not exactly” you said with a small shrug and a smile. “You were half drunk and just grunted.”

“Merlin´s beard” he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He stood tall and walked over to you.

“Can we start over then? Can I salvage my reputation somehow?” He stood before you. Tall, handsome and kind. His hand was outstretched.

“I´m Sirius Black. Welcome to my lovely home” he said in a deep velvety and mildly sarcastic voice that made the hair in your neck stand up. “It´s nice to meet you, ___.” It was heartfelt, the way he said it. You reached out your hand and shook his. “Likewise, Mr. Black” you said.

He didn’t let your hand go for a moment, a grin spreading on his face. One that let him look years younger, one you wanted to see for all eternity. The little crinkles around his expressive grey eyes were the most adorable thing you´d ever seen.

Sirius looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he gently guided you out of the study and down into the kitchen. “By the way,” he said as you descended the stairs. “You´ll find that my humour is kind of fucked. I´ll stop the heavy drinking, promise. So, no need to walk on eggshells around me, ´k?” He turned his head up to you, giving you a beautiful angle of his neck and the tattoos that scattered down from his ear and disappeared into his collar.

“If you´re sure” you said with a grin of your own. His eyes blitzed amusedly as the both of you entered the kitchen. What you didn’t see was the curious look Arthur and Molly Weasley exchanged when they saw Sirius pulling out a chair for you before sitting down himself.

_______________________________

 The meeting progressed and plans were made. The debate was already heated enough before Snape decided to speak. The moment he opened his mouth, your eyes rolled to the side. You resented that man with every fibre of your being. Mostly because he seemed to have it out for Sirius. Taunting him whenever he could. It was unnecessary and just plain vile.

“It´s easy for you to say, Black. You´re just sitting comfortably in your home while everyone else is either being productive or helpful. At least not all of us have to deal with your bipolar character” Snape snarled and gave you a pity filled look. You were about ready to tell him to kiss you where the sun don´t shine when Sirius spoke up. He was relaxing into his chair, staring at Snape with a victorious grin.

“Congratulations, Sniffellus. At least you got the bi-part right.”

Snorting into your wine glass you coughed several times before trying to hold back a fit of giggles. You looked at Sirius´ smug face grinning at you. His eye twitched to look dangerously like a wink and you knew that the heat in your cheeks didn’t form because of the wine.

_______________________________________

The days after became more and more comfortable. Sirius kept his promise to you not to drink excessively anymore and greeted you sober every evening when you returned. You ate dinner together and talked a lot more. You actually began looking forward to coming back to Grimmauld place every night. The kitchen was cozy and warm, soft light from candles and gas lamps illuminated the space as you sat at the table, sharing stories from your time at Hogwarts and your Auror training.

Day after day Sirius seemed to hang onto your every word more and you slowly got to know his sense of humour and therefore gradually you stopped feeling guilty whenever he made a joke about his time in Azkaban. Of course, you knew that deep down, 12 years in that horrible place left its marks, but it seemed like he was done with showing them to you.

“So,” he said one evening, cheeks tinted a beautiful rosy colour from the wine he´d poured the both of you. “You were two years under me. A Hufflepuff and a brainiac.” His voice sounded impressed. “What I can´t believe though” he said and took a swig of his wine, “Is that you were a beater in the quidditch team, and we actually played against each other?!”

You grinned and nodded. “We did. I remember it vividly. I´d just gotten into the team and our first match was you guys. You were in your last year. I tried so hard to hit those bludgers in your or James´ direction, but my strategy was futile. James was too quick, and you were too wicked on a broom” you shook your head in mock disbelieve while Sirius´ eyes gleamed with excitement.

“I don’t get it” he said with an almost dreamy look on his face. His chin rested in his palm as he spoke. “Don’t get me wrong, I know you´ve got spark but I would have recognized that in school. You told me you were a closed off and private. But then you go joining the quidditch team as a beater no less. How?”

You smiled at him. “Well,” you said amusedly and took a sip of your glass. “I was closed off, that´s true. But that doesn’t mean that I had no personality. There was a certain potential of rage. I had to let that go somewhere.” You shrugged with a grin. Sirius looked at you impressed.

He topped off your wineglass and spoke. “I´m impressed. The closed off, timid girl, grew up to be a fearless auror.” You shook your head. “Fearless is not true” you said calmly. “Fighting death eaters fearless is a stupid idea. Makes you end up looking like Mad eye” you smirked and winked at him. Your palms encased your cheeks as you spoke in a high-pitched voice. “Compared to him and looking at all this” you turned your head prettily left and right, “I was scared shitless every time.”

Sirius threw his head back an bellowed a joyous laugh. It fitted him so well all you could do was stare at him in awe. He wiped at the corner of his eyes and gasped for air. “Merlin, I really regret being such an insufferable prick to you up until now.”

“Thank you” you said earnestly. “You´re not so bad yourself.”

He smiled at you sweetly. “And we never talked in Hogwarts?” he asked. “Are you sure?” he sounded almost hopeful. You huffed laugh and shook your head. “I´m sure” you said, feeling the wine coursing through your veins, making you bold. “I avoided you like the plague.”

Sirius´s face fell, and you were quick to answer. “It wasn’t because I thought you were a bad person.” Quite the opposite actually. “More like…you were…intimidating.” He raised an eyebrow at that. “Intimidating?” he asked. You nodded.

“Yes. You and your friends…you were legendary as it was. Everyone either knew you, hated your guts or was crushing on you” you could feel your face heat up once more. “I just didn’t see the point of being one of many, you know.” You smiled at him timidly, his expression somewhat empty. “I did pay attention, though.”

A little more light appeared in Sirius´ eyes at that. “You were?”

You took a deep breath and downed the rest of your wine. Fuck it!

Nodding you continued. “Yes. I mean, you were hard to miss. But I´d often see how you joked with your friends, how you comforted the younger students. It was nice to see that side of you. It always made me wonder why you decided to act on your ´attention whore´ attitude more. But then again, I didn’t know you privately, so I don’t even know if I´m right with that.” You rushed the last sentence and reached for the wine bottle. Sirius´ hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. His fingers were strong but gentle.

Goosebumps appeared immediately on your skin. The little hairs on your forearm standing up when you looked up and directly into his eyes. He regarded you with a look full of wonder, gratitude and something pleading. “What else did you see?” he whispered, leading your hand down onto the table, not letting go. Ok, this seemed to be a little too intimate, but you were damned if you broke eye contact for even just a second. It was time to come clean.

“I saw how you always seemed different when we all came back from holiday. At least for a few years. You were always…sad one minute and then chipper the next. It looked fake.” His eyes grew wide. “I saw how your eyes would not leave Remus´ plate that you packed with food until he was done eating. That always happened after he turned.” Sirius´ fingers tightened. “How do you know about that?” he asked in awe.

You raised both eyebrows. “As I said. I paid attention. Still do.” At your words and to your utter delight, Sirius began absentmindedly stroking his thumb across the soft skin of the underside of your wrist. There was no way in hell he didn’t feel the insistent and fast beating underneath.

“I saw a lot of things that made you more than just an attention seeker to me. What I didn’t like, at all, was the bullying. James and you. You were both better than that. Sure, Snape was a little git but…sometimes you overdid it.” Sirius hung his head for a moment and nodded silently before looking at you again. An ashamed look spread across his face. “I know. We could be quite…insufferable. At that age you don’t really think about these things” he said quietly. You nodded in understanding. “I know. And I also know that Snape wasn’t exactly innocent himself. But I guess it´s no wonder he hates your guts. He´s still a bloody git, though.” You grinned at him.

Sirius took a deep breath. “You saw all that without ever having spoken a word to me?”

“Yes”

Sirius looked impressed and incredibly moved.

“´S no wonder Kingsley bursts at the seams with pride for you. I guess death eaters have no chance when it comes to you.”

Blushing hard you grinned bashfully but shook your head. “I´m not that good in the field” you said, and Sirius raised an eyebrow in doubt. “But when it comes to interrogations, if they make it that far, I´m actually very successful. I either get a full confession or at least some names. Always.” You spoke the last part with as much confidence as you could muster, hoping you´d impress him at least a little bit.

“Wow” Sirius breathed. “And you think I´m intimidating?” You giggled. “No, not anymore, actually.” He seemed very pleased with that.

You sat there for a moment in silence. Your eyes trained on his tattooed fingers still gently wrapped around your wrist. Ever tiny movement they made sent waves of shivers over your body.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sirius asked quietly. “HmHm” you mumbled, still not looking up. “Please, look at me” Your head snapped up at his tone. His eyes were filled with something so soft it made your heart quake.

“I can´t stop thinking about it…The other night, you said I was drinking my second chance away.” You nodded. “Even though I didn’t really have a first one. What did you mean by that?”

“Oh” you said and looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I meant your trial.”

Sirius´ eyebrows shot to his hairline.

“M-My trial?” he stuttered out? “I didn’t-“

“-get one, I know. That´s what I mean.”

He looked at you with a shocked expression before his face relaxed. A grateful smile stretched onto his lips as he looked at you fondly. Slowly, his fingers that held your wrist moved to lift your hand up to his face. Not breaking eye contact he gently but firmly pressed his mouth to your knuckles, effectively knocking the wind out of your lungs. Times stilled. The edges of your vision blurred, and a loud beeping noise filled your ears. It felt like you were about to pass out from a fever when his lips left your skin, and an uncomfortable cold ran over your back.

Sirius set your hand back onto the table and seemed reluctant as he let it go.

_____________________________________________

The next days were a blur. A happy blur. You were walking on clouds, you were dreaming so much more vividly and to no surprise, Sirius´ face always ended up being the main character. Sirius seemed much happier as well. He went out of his way to make you comfortable. For the past week now, he´d cooked you dinner and scolded you whenever you tried to help him out. He´d point his finger at you, his eyes comically narrowed and told you to sit down at the table.

It also seemed like he tried to be closer to you whenever he could. He´d stand closer to you, he´d sit closer to you, he´d guide you through doors by the small of your back. It all wasn’t helping your situation at all. He changed his behaviour towards you so dramatically, you weren’t able to stop your old crush from coming back. Not when he looked at you so dreamily sometimes, not when you both dissolved into laughter about some silly story, not when you thought about his lips on your skin.

Every time you thought about that night, your whole body started to tingle. The little flirts just came naturally to the both of you. So much so, that it was in no time, that the whole order noticed something was going on. Most of them seemed very pleased by the fact that they didn’t have to deal with Sirius´ outbursts anymore. Especially Remus. He regarded the two of you often with mirth in his eyes while Tonks almost ripped out his arm when she noticed as well.

The only thing that dampened the sugar high you constantly seemed to be on, was the fact that even though Sirius and you started flirting heavily, nothing ever came of it. In the last minute, either him or you, would draw back and either laugh it off or deal with a few moments of awkwardness. There was a magnetic pull forming between the both of you, and both of you felt it. It got stronger with ever shared meal and laugh.

These days, it got so much harder to fall asleep. Your heart beating against your ribcage so insistently that it was a herculean task to calm down. Apparently, it started to show.

You came down into the kitchen one Saturday morning with Sirius working on the stove. Even though you felt knackered, there was no way you would ever not appreciate his broad shoulders and lean back, covered by some raggedy old band-shirt. You smiled fondly at his back. He heard you approach and turned halfway around. “Good morning, darlin´.” Again, goosebumps everywhere and your heart going ballistic. “G´ mornin´” you yawned.

Sirius turned the stove off and turned to you fully. The smile on his lips vanishing when he saw you. “Are you feeling ok, ___? You look tired.” He rounded the table quickly and came to a stop close in front of you. So close. It took everything in you not to take a deep, deep breath.

“Fine. Didn’t sleep well last night” you said. Lie. You haven’t been able to sleep properly for a couple of nights now.

Sirius looked around your face worriedly. “Do you need one of those pick me up potions you always gave me? I can give you some money to go get them.” That made you chuckle. You lifted your hand and very gently ruffled the soft, black locks on his head.

“Oh, Sirius” you said smiling. “I didn’t buy them. I made them.” It took him a moment to let your spoken words sink in. His eyes went impossibly wide, then slightly damp. You retracted your hand from his head. 

Sirius couldn’t hold on. In one gentle swoop he bent down slightly and pulled you into his chest by your waist. Your arms wound around his neck in an instant. Delirious with happiness you pressed your forehead against the side of his neck and felt the vibrato of his voice against it as he hummed contently. He smelled divine. A mixture of firewood, tobacco and something citrusy. It smelled like coming home and you felt your crush bloom into something much more valuable. It didn’t scare you at all. You were cradled in his arms, his cheek atop your head, his hands gently caressing the small of your back. You could´ve stayed like that forever.

“There´s nothing I could give you to make up for all the shit I´ve put you through” he whispered into your hair. “I don´t deserve the kindness you´ve given me or are still giving.” You shook your head against his neck and wanted to speak, but he was quicker. “You make it more than bearable to stay in this house, love. I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t decided to move in.”

You stook on your toes to be able to hug him closer and he pulled you in with a desperate sigh against your ear. “I was such a fucking arsehole to you. I´m so sorry.” Hot tears formed in your eyes when you heard his tone. “You are lonely” you choked out. “And frustrated. I get it.”

“…was” he whispered and slowly withdrew just a little to look you in the face. His gorgeous, regal features were formed into a look of gratitude and longing.

“What?”

“I was lonely and frustrated” he emphasized. “Not anymore.”

His blazing silver eyes took in the entirety of your face before closing them and leaning his forehead gently against yours. “I´m glad you´re here with me” he said before kissing your forehead and almost sending you to the ground. The tears spilled over. Sirius noticed them and used his little finger to wipe them from your face.

“Why aren´t you able to sleep? What do you need?”

“I think it´ll be a little easier now” you said with a watery smile. Sirius nodded his head, for the time being, he was satisfied with your answer.

“Let´s eat breakfast before everyone shows up for the meeting. The moment I have to look at Snapes hair, I´ll not be able to eat for hours.”

_________________________________________

The meeting went quite well. Most of the time people were calm and the plans you´d made weeks before, finally came to fruition.

You were sitting beside Sirius who´s palm sat comfortably on your thigh underneath the table. It burned your skin and made you a bit drowsy with longing, but you paid attention still.

After the meeting, some of the members stayed for dinner and drinks after. Everyone had a great time. Sirius and you stood a little to the side, close together and smiling happily.

“Well, finally” came a booming voice from the table and your head swivelled towards Kingsley. He had a dopey grin on his face, wiggling his eyebrows as he regarded Sirius and you. It was evident that he was quite tipsy.

“I really thought it would never happen. You two” he pointed at the both of you and with a hiss you gestured for him to quit it. “Kingsley” you whisper yelled while Sirius next to you just tried to bite back a huge grin. “What?” Kingsley slurred. “You could at least thank me, you know. For bringing you here. ´S the last thing you deserved after all these dumb howlers. Haha!” You felt the colour drain from your face. Oh no. Oh no. “Kingsley, shut up!” You hissed at him again. Sirius looked very curiously between you and Kingsley.

“What howlers did you send him, darling?” he asked in an amused tone.

“SO MANY HOWLERS!!” Kingsley yelled and nearly fell of his chair. “You´re lucky I started intercepting them when I became your mentor. If the committee had found out that the one terrorising them with howlers was actually an auror trainee…I tell ya. You wouldn’t be an auror today.”

“Oh Merlin, help me” you sighed. “Kingsley, please just drop it.”

Sirius´ face was filled with question marks. “What in Merlin saggy left nut is he talking about?”

Kingsley explained. “You see, dear Sirius. This one,” he pointed at you with a shit eating grin. “This one wouldn’t take no for an answer. She tried to send them anonymously and for the most part it worked. Until they set me on it. I found out it was you,” he playfully glared at you. You wanted to sink into the floor and never emerge again. “At this point I was already training you and you had so much potential. So, I made it work.” He sounded so proud of himself.

Sirius had walked over to Kingsley, still smiling and trying to figure it out. “What howlers did she send Kingsley? Why would they be so dangerous for her career?”

“Oh” Kingsley said, and his eyes went big. “Oh, you don’t know.” Sirius looked taken aback.

“I don’t know?”

“Yeah, the howlers, the letters she sent. They were because of you.”

Sirius went still, staring at Kingsley intently. “What do you mean, they were because of me?”

“Kingsley…” you tried again but your voice was too quiet. You could only let it happen. You´d try to explain it to Sirius later. That was, if he didn’t throw you out the house.

“They were trial demands” Kingsley said matter of factly and the air was suddenly too think to breath. You felt like drowning.

“Trial demands” Sirius whispered as he put two and two together. He turned to you slowly. You couldn’t look him in the eyes, embarrassment making your skin feel like it was on fire.

“Kingsley?” he asked in a dry tone without looking away from you. You felt his eyes boring into you. “Kingsley, when did you intercept the last demand?”

Kingsley hummed. “Hmmm…. the last one I got was about four days before your escape from Azkaban was made public. Before that, they came in once a week like c-clockwork.”

You heard Sirius take in a sharp breath. When he spoke next, he was calm, quiet and somehow sounded unsure. As if he couldn’t believe what he´d just heard.

“You…you tried to get me a trial…for 12 years?”

Your shoulders pulled themselves upwards as if you were trying to sink into your own body before you nodded, looking at the floor.

You heard a sniffle from somewhere to your right. It sounded like Molly Weasley.

“___” you heard Sirius say. His tone was choked up and still unsure. “Please look at me” he pleaded.

You couldn’t. You couldn’t bare the look on his face. He already knew about the crush you´d had on him in school and now he´d found out that even as a grown woman you tried so hard to get with him. He must be so appalled.

You shook your head no.

“12 years?” you heard him ask again.

You nodded.

“Every week?” His voice was closer now.

You nodded. His shoes appeared directly in front of you and you cowered back against the counter even further. “Don´t do that” he whispered. “Don’t…please, look at me.” His voice cracked and at that your head snapped up to look at him. The sight broke and healed your heart all at once.

Silent tears were running down his tinted cheeks. His eyes were swimming with something you couldn’t pin point. With a wobbly voice he spoke.

“You didn’t believe it was me?”

“Of course not” you whispered, throat tight.

“Why not? Everybody else did”

“There was no fucking way you´d betray James” you shook your head defiantly. “No way. It all fit too well. They used your family name and the reputation behind it. But I knew you couldn’t have been a death eater. I saw you…in school…” Your own voice began to crack when you thought back to the day you learned what´d happened to him.

Sirius nodded slowly. “Yes. You saw me. You saw me. You always have” Gentle, warm hands lifted to your face and encased it. Sirius looked at you like you were the only other living being in the world. Another tear fell down. “Don’t you ever, ever, call your feelings for me a simple crush” he said and smiled at you. “I didn’t know I had such a loyal warrior out there.” Your face was also tear stained by this point. You sniffed and Sirius gently shook his head.

“No more tears, my love. I´ve got you now.” And with that, he pulled your head to his and pressed his lips to yours. It was like a rubber band snapped in your chest. As your hands tangled in his hair at the base of his neck, he hugged you ever closer, lifting you a little and moving his lips more insistently against yours. This was right, this was perfect.

Open mouthed kisses were pressed against your lips slowly, thoroughly. There was no sound except for his breathing and his heart. A throat cleared itself in the background and with a groan Sirius let go of your lips, looking at you. His grin seemed excited. You didn’t have a chance but to reciprocate it.

“You know that it´s not a simple crush you have on me, right?” Sirius winked at you. You nodded in defeat and leaned your forehead against his chest. You felt his chuckle. “Come on, dove” he taunted you good naturedly. “Call it by its name. Please?”

Your eyes met his and they twinkled with a juvenile excitement you hadn’t observed on him yet.

“I´m in love with you” you said and smiled.

Sirius closed his eyes to let your words really penetrate his mind and soul. The hands around your waist tightened before he nodded with an equal smile. Again his lips met yours. This time, shorter, sweeter.

“So am I” he whispered against them. “I love you. My beautiful fighter. You´ve saved me.”

___________________________________________________________

thank you very much for reading. If you liked it, please leave a reblog or a comment so I can improve :) I´m grateful for every feedback I get. Thanks a lot

[dufferpuffer]

Seeing non-HP fans talk about HP is like... I'm not saying HP is the deepest thing in the world. It's not. I do think it is a bit more intentional that it's often given credit for - but it is clumsy about it 99% of the time. Also the author is a daft bitch.

But people say shit like "Harry Potter is an infuriating Mary Sue because he just has a perfect life as soon as he meets wizards" What...? What are you talking about...?

"He can fly good in first year and knows how to defeat the Villain effortlessly, and everyone loves him he is famous and rich." ???Classic misunderstood orphan with hidden genetic talent??? ???Every single protagonist of everything ever??? You can not like that, and have issues with it, but is Harry really such an egregious case of it...???

He can fly good. Yes. He is average in every other school school subject (if talented at spellcasting) - but he is a Mary Sue because he can fly good, when his father could fly good. Sure. He has a natural talent that rarely helps him but comes in handy when it's needed. A talent that connects him to a Father he knows nothing about.

He didn't know how to defeat big Villain - and I'd hardly call it effortless. My boy held his hands up when an adult tried to touch him and it worked - a miracle. One that didn't feel unearned. He had spent the ENTIRE first book lamenting his lack of family connection, parental love and general protection (he was having dreams of Voldemort busting into his bedroom to kill him, monster under the bed stuff) - and then finds out at the end that it was the fact his parents did love him that protected him. That's a cute end to a book that says 'He gets all this good stuff put in his little orphan lap but none of it soothes the ache of not being genuinely loved'. When he was at his most helpless and alone, in a life of being helpless and alone... he finally has proof he was loved.

He was NOT loved by everyone though - he spent most of his first two years HATED by his peers. Only adults who remembered the end of the war love him (and colin). He doesn't start being liked by most of the people who surround him until OotP, where he earns respect through running Dumbledores Army. He was bullied through PS, CoS and GoF and it only didn't have too strong an effect on him because he is already used to being an outsider.

He not only hates the fame but acutely suffers from it EVERY book, I'm not sure there is a single positive thing that happens because he is famous - it is a direct negative he has to struggle against.

He is rich, but it plays little role in the story other than allowing him to not have to stress about money... which he stresses about anyway sometimes, struggling to make large purchases he deems 'unnecessary', to characterize him as a survivor that's had to grow up too fast and isn't used to the easy road. He is a 13 yr old withholding from buying the Broom of his dreams because 'I have a perfectly good broom already...' - he has clear issues with money. Honey please buy yourself the Broom it's okay you don't need to ration your belongings anymore, you love Quidditch it breaks my heart

I will defend my boy Harry James Potter till the day I die, he is a lovely little man - and I genuinely think a compelling and well realized protagonist. if the shitty author wrote ANYTHING right... its Harry Potter and Severus Snape. Those two are basically perfect imo.

[sakura-hitomi]

TikTok context is 1st and 2nd picture and as we all read. The comments are disappointing one after the other. I'm sev reaction btw.

Let's focus on the last pic: weobyss.

Their point: @weobyss: They literally parallel each other in the sense of being complicit. Both of them had friends who treated others badly but they did nothing about it. Snape was hanging out with DEATH EATERS

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They made multiple points here:

- Remus and Snape are paralel of another (meaning they are alike - which is not true at all)

- Both groups aka Slytherin and marauders treated each other badly (true but fairly unjust)

- And Remus nor Snape did a thing about that Slytherin vs marauders/ gryffindors "rivalry"

- Snape was hanging out with DE. (implying something here)

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Let me break down how unfair your 4 arguments are with your: @weobyss: Pls reread my point, I’m comparing Remus to Severus, not Severus to James. James had no excuse. But neither did the Slytherins. Slytherin vs Gryffindor rivalry is old and peer pressured on both sides

Ps: I do apologize for assuming you meant James.

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Argument 1: Remus and Snape are paralel of another (meaning they are alike - which is not true at all)

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- it isn't true and extremely unfair to compare Remus who was PART of that friendship and Snape who was basically third wheeling his house. Remus was a friend, Snape wasn't. Lily implied it but friends keep in touch or talk about nice things. But even during school and after school, none of that friendship blossoms. Snape simply felt safest within Slytherin. While marauders aka gryffindors made his life a living hell, other houses laughed along or ignored him. Slytherins didn't do any of those. Or at most, inflict pain on Snape.

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Argument 2: Both groups aka Slytherin and marauders treated each other badly (true but fairly unjust)

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True, can't argue against that but gryffindors discriminate against Slytherins. James butts in on a conversation of Snape with lily, trampling all over Snape's opinion about slytherin. Hagrid proceeds to tell a child of 11 "there was not a single Slytherin that didn't turn evil". Albus pulling gryffindors ahead of other houses, especially slytherins.

-----------------------

Ron talking about how awful Slytherin is. Meanwhile there isn't a single Slytherin that spoke ill about Gryffindor. If Slytherin vs Gryffindor was a thing and they'd use both dark spells, Slytherin would be apprehended earlier than their lion counterpart. In other words the scale of justice doesn't work for those two houses. Because that scale always leans in favor towards Gryffindors.

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Argument 3: And Remus nor Snape did a thing about that Slytherin vs marauders/ gryffindors "rivalry"

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I mean, of course not. What pureblood who thinks all high and mighty of themselves would listen to a poor half muggle? Half of what they are supposed to hate. Remus had a task as a prefect. Snape didn't even have that job as a prefect. It was Remus his responsibility meanhwil Snape held no responsibility over how to command his house mates to act. You're basically comparing a cop who is spineless to a mere passerby and blame the passerby for not helping the spineless cop in taking down a thief.

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This whole argument is basically unjust. Snape was in no position to talk to his housemates (not friends) about their behavior. Meanwhile Remus had multiple positions. He was their friend, and he was a prefect, with a mission of Dumbledore himself that he gave Remus that task to keep his friends in line. Which Remus botched, because not only couldn't he keep his friends in line. He helped James keep the bullying under cover. What bullying you may ask? Lily began dating James after he "changed" but James clearly didn't. Remus like Sirius made sure lily never found out about it.

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Argument 4: - Snape was hanging out with DE. (implying something here)

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Again, Snape felt safest in that house. It isn't his fault for ending up in ytherin and majority of those students happened to be racists. They use peer pressure on each other and teachers that don't even bat an eye to them, wouldn't help the helpless and vulnerable students like Snape. I mean, Snape wasn't even a DE fanatic before Hogwarts. It isn't a coincidence that Snape became one during Hogwarts within Slytherin house. He also only called other mudbloods surrounded by his fellow students. When he's alone, he pretty much minds his own business.

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In other words, all your reasons are simply wrongly placed. Remus was worse than Snape, so was James, and Sirius. Snape's hand was forced by cards stacked against him, poverty, abuse, neglect, neglect teachers, racist housemates, peer pressure, lacking friend, bullying. Meanwhile the gryffindors (remus too) had no reasons to act the way they did.

Remus was not at all equal to Snape in any way.

[darklinaforever]

When people try to make it seem like the Marauders and Severus relationship was a shared rivalry instead of outright harassment. They were 4 to 1 ! That's not à rivality !

Also, I'm tired of people saying things like :

"Yes, James and his friends harassed Severus, that's not good. But it says in the text that Severus had a disproportionate hatred for James, and cast spells on him too."

Yes. So what ? It's basically victim blaming. As if the fact that Severus defends himself wasn't normal ?! As if hating James who bullied him from the moment he met him, just for his simple existence wasn't normal ?!

I would like to understand what is going on in people's heads when they say sentences like that.

Severus scorning James is justified. Severus attacking James back is fucking justified, especially when the harassment is daily !

What is this ridiculous logic ? "Yes, James bullied Severus, but Severus wasn't any better because he hated him and retaliated."

WHAT ?!

People speaking like that should never have been harassed. It's like those hating Severus / finding it unforgivable that Severus called Lily a mudblood after being publicly humiliated by James.

Translation ; suspended in the air upside down, underwear revealed and soap in his mouth...

I think your mood, your temperament, and your control over yourself and your words would take a hit too !

I was the victim of harassment almost throughout my schooling. From my first year of kindergarten until my second year of high school ! Do you think I loved my harassers ? Do you think that after a while I didn't fight back ? Do you think that after being publicly humiliated / harassed I didn't insult even innocent people ? (And again, Lily smiled seeing her so-called friend go through this, so for me the insult was deserved, I have no regrets in saying that...) But wake up the fuc ! Go live in the real world !

There is no excuse for what James put Severus through and there never will be ! Damn, he was doing it for fun ! Pure and simple !

Also, I'm tired of seeing this bullshit like if Harry had been a girl, Severus would have had inappropriate attitudes towards him... That it would even have gone completely like in the film Swenney Todd ! But what ?! And again, I saw a very intelligent film-loving woman, or so I thought, spouting this bullshit ! FOR WHAT ?! Where does this shit come from ?! Ginny is described as looking a lot like Lily from what I remember and Severus never went after her ?!

I've seen people like Snape say this types of shit and argue that it apparently made him complex !

Why is a man grieving his former best friend trying to be better in honor of her memory considered an obsession ? Why do people say Snape was obsessed with Lily, rather than James who literally pursued her throughout school and even blackmailed her into trying to date her, and never taking no for an answer ?! Why ?!

And why is Severus' patronus taking the same form as Lily's seen as proof of obsession ?! Didn't Thnks do the same thing for Lupin ?! I don't remember anyone seeing this as obsession on his part !

In fact, when a patronus changes depending on the author, for the person we love, it is specifically to match them, and is proof of eternal love.

[tedwardremus]

Peter Pettigrew Headcanons

He came from a working-class family. Raised by a single mum

He doesn’t know his father

While he did not grow up in a blood supremacist family he grew up with the same prejudices and assumptions that many wizarding families have about muggles. He finds them odd and different. 

Peter was one of those kids who lit ants on fire and threw rocks at people while standing on bridges. Being mean = power = being important

Definitely heard his mum or grandparents say muggle-borns have it easy or get extra benefits from the government (which isn’t true) and that’s why Peter’s mum has to work so hard.

Very excited to befriend Sirius and James because of their families' positions in wizarding society. He’ll be cool and popular by association

Yes, Sirius family are dicks to him but he doesn’t understand why he’d give up such a cush life and run away. Thinks Sirius doesn’t know how lucky he has it

Has always enjoyed playing mind games with his friends and other people to make himself have better favor in group dynamics

Was always the best at getting out of detention and coming up with lies on the spot

Made the rudest jokes out of the marauders 

He isn’t dumb. He just isn’t good at school. He became an animagus at 15. He is powerful, OK? Upset that no one sees it and he can’t really brag about being an illegal animagus.

Really likes that he’s the one that gets to push the knob on the whomping willow. Makes him feel indispensable.

James and Sirius mature in 6th and 7th year and their jokes aren’t so cruel anymore. Peter is caught off guard when they start (lightly) calling him out on some of his jokes. (I thought you’d find it funny? Why aren’t you laughing anymore? What, James you get a girlfriend and you can't be fun anymore?)

The slowdown in bullying is also combined with James, Remus, and Sirius's political awakening and further interest in fighting against Voldemort. Peter starts to feel alienated from their discussions. Peter is a-political at best

And like yes, James, dark magic is bad but isn’t it also cool? Like did you hear about the man who turned a bunch of dead bodies into snakes? Or did you hear about the spell that turns your guts inside out? Isn’t that impressive?? I bet you could learn that spell James, you’re powerful enough, right?

After Hogwarts Sirius and James live off their family money and devote themselves to the order full time. After Remus gets fired from a job James starts supporting him financially. Peter doesn’t have the luxury (looks like werewolves get benefits just like muggle-borns. Poor Pete is always left out)

Pete gets a job at the quidditch league offices which he thinks will be lots of fun and exciting, maybe he can swing tickets for him and his friends

But the job is really boring. He is tracking how much teams spend and data entry is the worst.

His order assignments are just as dull. He doesn’t go out on duels or covert operations. Dumbledore instructs him to get intell on Ministry offficals and Peter grows resentment, he wants to be more useful like his friends.

He gets further separate from his core group of friends as James marries Lily and eventually goes into hiding (peter thinks James is foolish for getting Lily pregant. way to mess up our fun, James!), Remus is doing super secret werewolf stuff, Sirius is off on his own order missions plus becoming increasingly protective of the potters. 

Peter starts meeting up with people at work, not death eaters but just a few people with storng ideas, and he’s like yeah, these guys are right muggle-borns and half-breeds are ruining our society

And he doesn’t hate Lily and Remus, no they are seperate from the developing idelogy. 

But then after a while his intell gathering and workmate meet-ups start to become his only social settings. And he is agreeing more and more with what they are saying

And he impresses the people he is gathering intell on with some of his knowledge on dark spells (not that he’s every performed them. He’s just interested in reading about them)

Its been a long time since Sirius and James found him impressive or amusing 

He goes to a couple of meet ups, and then a couple more

He enjoys these meetings more than order meetings. He doens’t feel underappreciated. 

He gets invited to a bigger meeting and oops its got full on known death eaters attending

James and Lily are fully in hiding. Voldemort is wining the war. 

Peter thinks he might as well just do what he needs to do to survive, everyone else is doing the same. But he's not going to be like James and hide like a coward.

And if he is going to survive he is going to be useful, important. In a better position than he was in the order. And then he’ll use that new position to help his friends when the war is over. He is so clever!

He willingly becomes a spy for Voldemort. He enjoys it. Its the best he ever felt about himself. He has secrets and information. He’s important.

He gets tested on his loyalty and is told to kill order members.

He actually enjoys murdering people (he is a serial murder in the books!) Reminds him of the same feeling he got when he threw rocks off of bridges but bigger.

He continues to climb up the Death Eater power structure. He enjoys watching the chaos unfold in The Order as they can’t figure out who the spy is

James asks him to be his secret keeper. He has a choice to make and he shows who he really is. He chooses power and manipulation over protecting people he used to (supposedly) love

And while this was all going on its important to remember that James, Remus, and Sirius all would have died for Peter. He was their friend. The betrayal is painful. The radicalization went unnoticed

[maxdibert]

hi! i saw in one of your posts you wrote about how Sirius Black had no reason to bully Snape and i thought about it…..i mean doesn't his hatred seem too personal? we have Lupin who has no contact with Snape after book 3 but Sirius goes crazy when Snape is around and they are alone so he can attack him (kitchen scene in book 5). and he knows so much about him: who he hung out with at school, his relationship with Lucius; at the same time he doesn't know about the mark, about how Severus was the one who brought the prophecy to voldemort that led to Lily and James death. and yes he is stuck at age 21 but even then they graduated school and as he says they never heard of Snape in those years. It seems a bit odd: don't bullies usually try to downplay their role in what they did to the victim, or even try to make it look like nothing happened? And he and Remus try to do that with Harry, but at the same time he seems incredibly proud and pleased with himself when he talks about the prank. One moment confused me when I was reading book 3: when Sirius has Peter at gunpoint with his wand, he is extremely focused on him. He doesn't take his eyes off him, because it was for this moment, the act of revenge, that he escaped from prison. As far as I remember, Harry describes it as "nothing could distract him at that moment" or something like that. But as soon as Remus even mentions Snape, Sirius' attention suddenly switches: he turns away from Peter and asks about him again. Or when he watches Snape during the OWL exams??? Especially when Rowling describes his reaction after the exam, when he sees him under the tree, as the reaction of a dog to a rabbit. He seems so obsessed and like something happened between them that really got to him. Or he's just as intolerant of half-bloods as his family. I completely agree with you that Sirius bullied Snape simply because James did it and he found it funny. But his hatred seems excessive, he has no reason to hate Snape so much. James has his excuse about Lily, but Sirius has none of that. But he still tries to kill him and it doesn't really matter hides, lol. I've read an opinion that he hates him because of his unrequited feelings for James, where Severus is the reason James even noticed Lily, which I don't really agree with, to be honest. Sorry, it got too long, ahaha. What I want to ask is: do you have any thoughts on this?

Well, the explanation for his relationships at school is quite simple because Sirius doesn’t leave home until he’s 16. Considering that his brother goes to Slytherin and that Narcissa is his cousin, it’s not strange to deduce that Snape’s name, along with other Slytherin students, probably came up at some family dinner/lunch/meeting. Like, talking about who in Regulus and Sirius’ year might have ‘potential,’ for example. It seems coherent to me that, considering Sirius’ environment until he leaves to live with the Potters, he’d be aware of certain things.

Leaving that aside, let’s talk about Sirius Black, because I think in recent years the Marauders fandom has ruined this character, and he’s actually a character with a lot of depth. Or at least more than many others in the saga.

(This is gonna ne so fucking long lol)

Sirius is a posh kid. He’s a posh kid who is embarrassed about being posh and feels guilty about it. He’s the typical rich kid from a conservative family who’s had issues with his mom (in this case) and his way of getting back at everything he felt was missing from his childhood is to vehemently oppose everything he thinks she represents. And the funniest part is that (as is often the case) his problem with his mom is that they both have a terrible character, which is why they clash. Because Sirius has the kind of terrible character that is incompatible with anyone else who has the same terrible character. But despite everything, he’s still a posh kid. Because he comes from an aristocratic family and was raised with those values of superiority. Because he’s never had to fend for himself (he leaves home but goes to another rich family, the Potters, and on top of that, his uncle Alphard leaves him his entire inheritance, so he has plenty of money) and he has always enjoyed the privilege of his surname, his blood status, and the fact that he’s (according to Rowling) super handsome. In other words, Sirius belongs to the ruling class and behaves with the same arrogance, entitlement, and lack of empathy that is typical of that class. No matter how much he tries to deny it and distance himself from it, he can only do so on a superficial level (Muggle posters, being a Gryffindor, enchanting a Muggle motorcycle) because when it comes down to it, he has no idea how to deconstruct himself, nor is he interested in giving up or losing his privileges, because he’s quite comfortable with them. He’s like the typical aristocratic kid from an Opus Dei family who thinks he’s better than everyone around him because he votes for the left and has been to four protests, but at the end of the day, he still lives a bourgeois life and doesn’t understand the root of social problems.

That said, let’s move on to James.

I think James was everything Sirius wanted to be. No, not be, I think James had everything Sirius wanted to have: loving parents, a family that wasn’t involved in a cult, a pleasant environment that allowed him to do whatever he wanted instead of being constrained by traditions and social norms, liberal and progressive ideals… James had the life Sirius had always wanted, but with one key detail: he was also rich and from an old, prestigious family. This is super important because when Sirius chooses his rebellion partner, he doesn’t pick some random Muggle-born, or a half-blood, or someone from the middle or lower class. Sirius chooses as his best friend someone who embodies everything he wants to be/have, but who at the same time belongs to his same social stratum, both economically and in blood status. Sirius chooses a future Gryffindor rebel with very different ideas from his family, but ironically he chooses like anyone from his family would: someone with money, status, and power. And I find this super amusing because it’s so coherent with his character. I mean, if Sirius were a real person, he would’ve done the same thing because guys like him are like that: the kings of cognitive dissonance and double standards.

Sirius always wanted James’ validation, or at least that’s how I see it. I think for him, feeling that James approved of what he did was a way to legitimize himself as someone different from his family. James represented the “progressive” social elite that Sirius aspired to by rejecting the traditional values imposed on him. So, unconsciously, he understood that if he did everything James wanted, and I’ll go further, everything he thought James would like, then he would distance himself from that Black image and gain validation as something entirely opposite. The problem is that Sirius, unlike James, was raised in an environment where ethical and moral values were very different, and where it was clearly established that certain people were “the other,” an “other” sociologically understood as the idea that some humans are inherently less than others. And although Sirius consciously rejected this idea, unconsciously he had been raised with it. Therefore, consciously, he didn’t reject people based on their blood status because he could identify that as something his family would do, and family = bad. But unconsciously, he was conditioned to see other people as non-people, and this is where Severus comes into play.

James dislikes Severus because he sees him as an obstacle/threat/nuisance in his crush on Lily. By default, and because of that constant need for validation from James, Sirius also focuses on him as a hostile element. And if he’s hostile to James, who in a way is his moral compass, then that guy must be trash because, of course, it’s obvious. But not only that, this guy is also a half-blood and poor, so poor he wears old clothes. And on top of that, he’s ugly. And not very masculine. So he has all the elements for Sirius, the aristocrat raised in luxury under the premise that he’s better than others because of his origins, to see him as “the other” and exercise all his power and privilege to oppress him without remorse, because for him, it’s justified. Justified unconsciously by the education he received, and consciously because if James hates him, there must be a good reason to hate him, so everything is justified. If we add to that the fact that Severus desires everything Sirius has always tried to reject: more social status, more recognition, power, belonging to Slytherin, rubbing shoulders with important wizards, forgetting the Muggle world he grew up in… well, we have a molotov cocktail for him to make Severus’ life unbearable. And Severus is an easy target for someone like school-age Sirius Black: he has no friends, no surname, no parents to protect him, and no stable socio-economic situation. Sirius can project all his frustrations onto him without any consequences. He can completely dehumanize him and stop seeing him as a person. He can behave like a Black.

I think the Prank is a good example to see the difference in upbringing between Sirius and James. Both are bullies, both are abusers, both have zero remorse when it comes to using their status and power to make life impossible for those they believe deserve it. But James was raised in an environment where he knows that actions have consequences, that you can’t cross “certain lines,” such as murder, for example. Sirius was taught the opposite—he was raised to think that the life of “the other” holds no value, and that is something that in his story with Severus goes too far. James understands that death is something serious and can bring terrible consequences, while Sirius does not. For the Black family, death is nothing if there is a reason for the person to die, and Sirius has his own reasons for playing with Severus’ life the way Bellatrix would play with the life of any Muggle-born.

(This is something I really like as well—the way Sirius and Bellatrix are fundamentally alike, and how little that’s discussed. But I’ll leave that for another time, otherwise I won’t finish.)

I don’t think it’s a matter of Sirius being obsessed with Snape, but rather that, for all the reasons I’ve explained, he uses Severus as a catalyst for his repressed anger and that sadism he inherited from his family. He can’t channel it toward anyone else because that would lead to absolute rejection from James. Since James hates and despises Severus, he’s never going to question Sirius for channeling all his pent-up rage on him, so it’s a free pass. If he had reached that level of sadism with someone who didn’t provoke the same level of animosity in James as Severus did, he would have risked confronting his biggest fear: that James would see him as a Black, not as Sirius. Losing his validation as the black sheep to become just another one of them. So he focuses on Severus because it’s a safe bet.

Moving on to their relationship during the book canon…

We don’t really see a proper confrontation until the fifth book. I mean, in the third, it shows that Sirius still sees Severus as “other” by dragging him along while unconsciously banging his head. In the fourth, there’s that scene where Dumbledore forces them to shake hands, and it’s clear they still hate each other. But it’s not until the fifth book that we get a real confrontation, where Sirius loses his temper. I think this has a lot to do with (drumroll) once again that cognitive dissonance between what Sirius always wanted to be and what he actually is, especially given the role he plays on the chessboard at that point in the story.

Sirius did everything he could to distance himself from his family, and the climax of that was joining the Order of the Phoenix and actively fighting against that same family, several members of whom were “soldiers” for the opposite side. Sirius is finally achieving what he wants—to be a hero. To stop being part of the elite dark villains and instead be part of the heroic elite. The noble of high birth who fights valiantly for the good of the realm, just as James was destined to be. It’s the climax, the absolute fulfillment of his adolescent desire. But then he’s thrown into Azkaban, and when he gets out, he finds that the poor, weird kid addicted to dark arts, who sucked up to future dark wizards, who hung out with purists and even joined the “bad side”—the side of Sirius’ family, the villains—is now the most important member of the Order. He’s none other than Dumbledore’s right hand. He’s a double agent risking his neck every day and has more responsibility than anyone else. That kid Sirius called Snivellus for being a crybaby has more guts and more endurance than most people. The one who always wanted to be part of the elite Sirius hated is now the one playing them all, making them look like idiots. The one who looked frail and effeminate turns out to be more “manly.” And that hurts. That hurts a lot. You go to prison, and when you get out, the person you didn’t even consider a person not only ranks above you, but is playing in a league you can’t aspire to. And the best part is, Sirius can’t fully accept it because he’s still Sirius—a classist, privileged aristocrat incapable of accepting that (as is only logical) the poor working-class kid turned out to be far more useful than him in both politics and war.

To me, it’s poetic justice.

[humanoidalt]

*whispers* you can give us your snape hot takes this is a safe space

Marauders fandom hates Severus way too much.

Please mind that I'm not saying this about every person in the fandom, obviously, but i keep seeing these takes that hate on snape, and it gets on my nerves so bad.

"Oh, but he bullied kids!" Peter was a rat sleeping in the same bed with children. I don't see you guys hating on people who try to make him a better person in fannon.

"So what that James bullied him? Snivellus deserved it." Did he deserve to be sexually assulted? Imagine having your underwear shown (or even nearly shown) to your entire boarding schools courtyard. I mean, I don't know about you, but I would never forgive that. And trust me when I tell you this, I'm a forgiving person.

But also! It's the fact that all marauders fans stick to cannon abaut Severus. He bullied kids, looked bad, was obsessed with Lily, and was posessive, yada yada. Okay. Give me a single redeemable quality in Peter Pettigrew. I'll wait. I have time.

I mean, at least Severus went to save his past friend when he realized that she was gonna get killed. Pettigrew led his friends to their deaths.

"He was still a blood purist!" They also call him a nazi and a racist for this, by the way. Now, let me hold your hand when I tell you this. So was Regulus. Shoking, isn't it? And so were the Black Sisters. But they still get good PR in the marauders fandom.

All I'm saying is we could be a little less critical of fictional characters. Marauders fans say themselves that the people who say stuff about this and that not being cannon are just party poopers. Despinte all I say here, I still think that cannon Snape was a bitch, and completely unfair to his student. Despite all I said here, I love James, and I love fannon Peter. I love Regulus and the Black sisters. But I can also love fannon Snape.

[gonzoclock]

Do you have any fun deleted scenes or scrapped ideas from your fics? I know whenever I start writing a fanfiction they always evolve until I’ve all but scrapped the original premise. Also huge fan of your work, thanks for being such a huge inspiration to me!

Boy do I ever! (And as such this is going to be a LONG post, so buckle in.) (Also full of VERY OLD VERY FIRST DRAFT writing. Fair warning and all.)

In James Potter, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Peter Pettigrew, (pause for breath) and the Prisoner of Azkaban I initially was going to just... keep writing. Have Regulus be back, explore the ramifications of that, etc. Unfortunately it was just... boring. So boring. So I scrapped it and decided to cut it down to where it currently ends. And trust me, that's for the best. That said, here is a sample of what that could have looked like (ft. a conversation between brothers):

Regulus takes a deep breath in through his nose. He needs to calm down, or he’s going to fall over. 

“Okay,” he says, opening his eyes. “Alright. Who’s Lord Black?”

“Me,” Sirius says, then pauses. “Uh, old me, I mean. I call him Senior, but he hates that.”

Regulus makes a note in his head to call old Sirius Senior, then immediately dismisses the notion. If Sirius, old Sirius is really Lord Black, then Regulus needs to be respectful. Even if the idea gives him hives.

“I need to talk to him, then,” Regulus decides. “Right now.”

“Are you sure?” Potter cuts in. “You could take a couple days? Term has already started, but it’s only been a week- you could get resorted and all settled into school, and then talk to Old Man Sirius?”

Regulus is shaking his head before the older boy can even finish talking. “No, I need to talk to Lord Black. He’ll tell me what to do.”

“You are not going to be impressed with him,” Sirius warns. “Because- and I cannot emphasize this enough- he’s me. He’s treating the title like I would, Reg.”

Regulus takes a second to let himself feel horrified, then shakes his head again. “Still,” he decides. “It would make me feel better. I need- I need to see the house.”

“Alright,” Sirius sighs. “Okay. We need to get you cleared by Madam Pomfrey, but then we can go.”

Regulus hesitates, then nods. 

“And- Regulus?” Sirius asks. Regulus braces himself. “He’ll probably freak out a bit when he sees you. It’s been around thirteen years for him since you died, and, well. He’s me.”

“Ah,” Regulus says. He thinks for a moment about how he’d react if he found out Sirius had died, and decides instead to think about literally any other thing. 

“We’ll go get Pomfrey,” Lily says, tugging Potter with her. Regulus watches them go, then blinks. 

“Hang on, why are they here? They weren’t on the Tapestry.”

“Oh,” Sirius says, then laughs. “The Tapestry was your origin story, Reggie. Me and James came from a magical Map, and Lily and Severus came from a book. The Philosopher’s Stone reacts to Blood Magic in a really fascinating way, yeah?”

“You- Severus?”

Sirius and Severus’s rivalry is legendary. And by rivalry, Regulus does mean bullying. It’s bullying.

Sirius sighs. “Yeah. We have to be friends now- or Lily and James will cry on us. Neither of us are very happy about it.”

“You’re not even- you’re not even secretly cruel to him?” Regulus asks, reeling. 

“Ha, nah. Turns out- and Reg, I will absolutely not hesitate to cram you back into that Tapestry if you go spreading this around- but it turns out that he’s… not a bad bloke. Just a bit prickly.”

Regulus sits back down on the bed, stunned. Sirius pats his back in commiseration. 

Regulus doesn’t even care that much about Severus, or who he’s friends with. What he does care about is that, apparently his brother is capable of… growing? And changing as a person? 

Maybe Regulus should re-examine his own views, since apparently nothing is sacred and anything goes.

Then there's Peter Pettigrew and the Ghost of Christmas James, which initially was going in a WAY different direction, if only because I sort of went into it with like no plan at all. Regulus was going to come into the story way earlier, as he'd just been hanging out at Grimmauld. For no real reason I can remember, either. He was just chillin. Here's some of that:

Peter’s never been to Grimmauld, but based on the stories Sirius had told them about the place, he’d expected darkness and dust and an overwhelming feeling of suffocation. 

Instead, the floorplan inside is surprisingly open (with a sitting room to the left and an office to the right, and stairs leading to the next floor just after that), the wooden floors are polished and gleaming, the windows are clean- it’s not cheery, not exactly, but it certainly doesn’t hold any of the doom and gloom Peter had been expecting. 

Despite the warmer-than-expected atmosphere, Peter feels very cold all of a sudden. Because not only are things clean, and (dare he think it) welcoming, the house is lit. Which means-

Someone rounds the corner, holding a steaming mug of what is probably tea. At the sight of Peter, Harry, and James still standing in the doorway; he freezes. And then, for a long moment, he simply stares.

Peter just… stares back. He is completely at a loss here. What the hell does he even do- should he be going for his wand? Can he- is this a fight he’s going to be able to win? He has no idea.

What he does know is that he’s getting really rather sick of all these dead people. 

“Hey, Regulus,” James finally says, albeit rather weakly. “You’re, uh, looking good.”

Chapter Break

James is right, of course- Regulus is looking good, surprisingly so. He’s wearing a sweater and casual slacks, and his long black curly hair is tied up and out of his face with what seems to be his wand. Around his neck is a chain, with an ornate looking ring strung through it and resting next to what might be an amulet of some kind. 

Most impressive of all is, of course, the fact that he’s not dead. In fact, Peter would go so far as to say that he looks very much alive- other than the fact that he seems to have a rather gray-tinged tone to his skin. 

Peter almost laughs at the absurdity of it all. What is his life? 

Unfortunately, true or not, James’s words break Regulus out of his stupor. In an instant, almost faster than Peter can see, he has his wand out and pointed directly at Peter.

“Drop the boy,” he says, wand unwavering.

Harry’s arms tighten around Peter’s neck at the same time Peter tightens his hold on the kid. His stomach swoops unpleasantly. He doesn’t remember how good Regulus is at dueling, but he doesn’t really want to find out with Harry right here. 

“I think the fuck not,” Peter says, keeping his voice as level as he can. 

“Yeah, no,” James says, arms folding. “We’re not-”

“Potter, I don’t know why you’re- back, or what’s going on, but you should know that Pettigrew is-”

The fear that had been mounting turns instantly to an icy-cold rage. Hypocrite.

“Is what,” Peter asks. “A Death-Eater? Because if you want to compare forearms, I’d be more than happy to-”

“Oh, fuck off,” Regulus says, glaring. “You know as well as I that the brand has nothing to do with it. One of the two of us is responsible for that child being orphaned, and it’s not me.”

“Maybe we should-” James tries again, but Regulus isn’t done.

“Kreacher, take the Heir to the nursery, please. Keep him safe.”

Peter has the time to tighten his hold on Harry before suddenly he isn’t holding anything at all. 

He doesn’t especially remember what happens next- all he knows is that one second, he’s standing empty-handed in the hallway, and the next he’s got Regulus against the wall, wand pressed into his neck. Regulus’s own wand has fallen on the floor in the interim. 

“Give him back,” Peter says. The rage, fear, guilt, everything that’s been a near constant for the last week- all of it is gone, leaving nothing but a sickening light-headed feeling in their place. 

Regulus’s eyes narrow, but he makes no move other than that. 

“I’ll kill you,” Peter says. He’s not bluffing. He couldn’t bluff right now if he wanted to- there’s nothing but cold calculated rationale sitting in his chest right now. If he kills Regulus, they can start tearing the house apart looking for Harry. If-then, cause-and-effect. Easy-peasy. 

Something in his eyes must show his thought process to Regulus. He swallows once- then forcibly relaxes his face again. “What makes you think it’ll stick this time?” Regulus asks. “Didn’t last time.”

 Peter is about to cast a cutting curse to Regulus’s throat to test that theory when-

“Regulus,” James says. 

And in an instant, the fear is back. Peter can’t help it- he tenses up. Regulus does too- and his eyes widen, looking over Peter’s shoulder. 

James’s tone is the cheeriest Peter has heard it be in a long time. But Peter doesn’t think that’s what Regulus is worried about, since to anyone but a Marauder James would simply sound pleasant rather than terror-inducing. 

Peter risks a look behind him- and then he throws himself back from Regulus, pressing his own back to the wall across from him. 

To the outside observer, it would look like James hasn’t changed at all- still just a ghost in a white sheet, with those two infernal eye holes cut out of it.

But there’s- Peter had thought those eyes looked like black-holes before, but that’s nothing compared to now. He can’t look away- James looks somehow both smaller than he is, and larger than anything else in the house. It’s like he’s turned himself into a point at the center of the universe, the pinprick before the big-bang. 

Peter has never had the misfortune of running into a Dementor, but he thinks that being kissed by one might feel something like how he feels now, just looking at James from fifteen feet away. 

“Bring my son back to me, please,” James continues. 

Regulus licks his lips, then clears his throat. “Kreacher, will you- bring the Heir back to us, now?”

Just as quickly as Harry had been torn away from him, Harry is suddenly back in Peter’s arms. Peter can’t help it- he sinks to the floor, gathering the kid close. His heart slows considerably at the familiar weight of the boy in his arms, the feeling of his arms around Peter’s neck. 

“Harry, are you okay?” Peter gets out, before he has to take in a huge gasping breath. Huh- he had definitely forgotten to breathe.  

“I met a new best friend!” Harry says, seemingly completely unfazed by what’s just happened. “His name is Kreach! Also Wormy, can I be a dragon when I grow up?”

“You can be whatever you want to be, bud,” James says. When had he floated over here? His hand waves through Harry’s hair again. Harry giggles, then rests his head on Peter’s shoulder.

Peter feels somewhat frozen. He just wants to get out of here, out of this place that Harry could be taken from them at any moment for any reason, never to be seen again. At that thought, Peter’s stomach twists. He feels nauseous. 

When the fuck did Harry manage to sneak into Peter’s heart? He’s a kid. Peter doesn’t like kids. 

Except this one, apparently. Damn it all.

Oh well, something to worry about another day. At least James seems to be back to normal. 

“Well,” Regulus says, hand clutching around the ring hanging around his neck. “That was… something. You can leave, now.”

Peter thinks that’s a great plan.

Then there's Regulus Black and the What the Hell, where originally the beginning focused much more on Harry and Luna and their silly hijinks. (Also fun fact: the horcrux in Harry's head was originally pulled out by Luna and turned into a half baby, half snake, which means by the time they got to Regulus he had two children AND a baby to worry about. Fortunately for him, I scrapped that idea.) Oh, and then I also had Regulus deciding to go to Severus Snape, which I managed to write all of one chapter of before realizing it was crazy ooc of him to even consider that lol. I can't find where that is, so I must have deleted it, but it existed once. Anyways, this sample is actually canon compliant with the posted fic, so take that how you will:

“Why- um, why are you here?” Harry asks finally, letting the snake down. 

“I followed a light,” Luna responds. Her face crumples again for a second, but then she clearly forces her expression to relax again. “I thought it would take me to my Mummy, but it just took me here.”

“Um,” Harry says. “Okay?”

Luna is staring at him again, her big eyes zeroing in on his forehead. 

“Does that hurt?” She asks. 

Harry’s hand reflexively reaches up and touches his scar. He runs his fingers over its bumpy spidery lines, zigzagging across a good half of his forehead.

“Sometimes,” Harry says, bringing his hand down. 

Luna reaches her own hand up and brushes her fingers over it. Harry holds his breath and sits as still as a statue as he feels her cool fingers run over it. Her brow furrows, and she frowns. She presses her fingers against his head a little harder. 

“Um,” Harry starts. 

“Sh,” Luna says. 

Harrys ‘sh’s. 

Luna’s eyes narrow, then she sits back again, looking satisfied. “I think I can fix it,” she decides. 

Harry blinks, although his heart is soaring. “Really?”

If Luna can get rid of his scar, maybe the Dursleys won’t think he’s a freak any more!

Luna nods. “It might hurt, though,” she says. “It’s really stuck in there.”

Harry sits back, thinking hard. 

“I can manage hurt,” Harry decides. “Do it.”

Luna nods again, face serious. Harry screws his eyes shut as she reaches her hand up again. 

At first he doesn’t feel anything other than her feather light fingers on his scar. 

Then there's a slight pulling feeling- which very rapidly goes from a gentle tug to an intense feeling of being torn apart from the inside out.

Harry doesn’t cry out, though- Harry’s not sure he could if he wanted to. He doesn’t have the air. 

It feels like it lasts hours. Then, with a final snapping sort of sound, the sensation stops and Harry topples over. He feels warmth trickling down from his forehead and down his face, past his eyes and nose and into his mouth. He thinks he tastes blood.

Harry gasps as he opens his eyes.

The girl is on the ground, either fainted or dead. Harry crawls over to her, grabbing at her arms despite the pain pulsing in his head. He props her up on his legs. Her head lolls, and he gives her a little shake to try and get her to open her eyes. She doesn’t- but she does take in a shuddery gasp. 

Harry looks around wildly. He doesn’t know what to do, but he needs to do something. He can’t just leave Luna here- if Petunia sees her, she’ll probably lock them both up in Harry’s cupboard. 

Instead of finding a solution, Harry freezes as he hears the back door begin to open. 

Chapter Break

The back door slams open, so loud that Harry jumps what feels like three feet into the air.

“HEY! Are you out here?” 

Harry lets out a long shaky breath as he sees his cousin walk outside, taking the porch steps down into the garden two at a time, and landing as heavily as he can each time. 

Dudley isn't ideal, but he's also not Petunia or Vernon. All in all, could be worse.

“Where are you? Mummy said you had to play with me,” Dudley calls, casting around the garden. 

Harry doesn’t think that’s true at all- Petunia prefers Dudley to ignore Harry. It’s Vernon who encourages the playing. 

Regardless of who it was, though, it doesn’t change the fact that soon Dudley is going to see Harry, and then Luna. Harry gasps.

What if Dudley wants to play with Luna? Dudley’s games hurt, and Luna can’t be hurt! She’s Harry’s best friend.

Harry has maybe seconds before they’re seen- what does he do?

It’s too late. Dudley sees Harry, and his eyes light up.

“What,” he asks, stomping over to where Harry is standing. “Is that?”

Harry tries in vain to position himself in front of Luna.

“Let me see,” Dudley says, stepping forward. 

“No,” Harry says.

“What?” Dudley asks, stopping.

Harry can’t blame him- bad things happen when Harry tells his relatives no. Harry knows that, and so do they. So Harry doesn’t say no, not if he can help it.

Harry grits his teeth. 

“No,” Harry says, stronger this time. “She’s just pretend.” “No she isn’t,” Dudley says, still looking a bit confused. That’s good- if he’s confused, then he’s not yelling for his parents. 

“Yes she is,” Harry says, nodding. “How else could she have gotten here?”

“She coulda climbed the fence,” Dudley says, kicking a lump of grass at the sleeping Luna. It falls just short. 

Harry shifts, thinking fast. 

“But where would she have come from before that? I pretended her.” 

“Well,” Dudley says, developing a shrewd glint in his eye, “if it’s all just pretend, it won’t hurt nothing to let me see. I want to see.”

“No,” Harry says firmly. “I’m pretending she’s poison- if you touch her, you’ll die.”

“That’s not fair,” Dudley says, expression turning thunder-y. “Move!”

He takes another threatening step forward, and Harry takes a reflexive step back. Too late, he realizes that he’s stepped right into one of the holes he’d been digging in the garden. He just manages keep from squashing Luna.

As he lands with a jolt, Luna shifts slightly. Harry looks back at her, then up at the slowly approaching Dudley.

Dudley smiles- it’s a cruel smile, one that Harry knows to mean that someone is about to get kicked, or bit, or hit. Or all three.

 Harry is usually alright with that- well, not alright, but it is a fact of life. The only thing is that he’s not the only available target right now- and he can’t let Dudley hurt Luna. He just can’t. 

Harry casts around, looking for something- anything- that could be used to keep the girl safe. There’s nothing, nothing but grass and weeds and- and a stick. A twig, really. Harry still reaches for it, then brandishes it up at Dudley. 

“Stay back,” Harry says, a bit shakily. 

Dudley laughs. “What,” he says. “You gonna cast a magic spell on me? With your fairy wand?”

“Yeah,” Harry says, narrowing his eyes. 

Behind him, Luna stirs again. Harry pushes down a wave of panic as Dudley’s eyes flicker to her. 

“Yeah,” Harry repeats, waving the stick around a bit. Anything to keep Dudley’s attention on him and not on Luna. “I’ll- I’ll turn you into a bug!”

Dudley gets a perplexed look on his face, then bursts into laughter.

Luna lets out a little groan, then props herself up. Harry’s heart leaps, then sinks again. He doesn’t know if Luna is going to be any help at all.

“Did it work?” she asks, squinting at Harry. 

“Who are you?” Dudley asks, sobering up. 

“Oh,” Luna says, looking past Harry and over at Dudley. She stands up, albeit a bit unsteadily, to face the boy. “I’m Luna. Who are you?”

“Want to play a game?” Dudley asks, plastering a fake smile on his face and brushing past her question. 

“No! Go away!” Harry says, a bit desperately. 

“Shut up, freak,” Dudley says, stomping down hard on one of Harry’s legs. 

Harry’s vision abruptly goes white, and pain bursts like stars in his head. As the sharp pain recedes, it leaves a pulsing sort of burning pain in its place- Harry can’t be sure, but he thinks his leg might be a bit broken now. It sure feels like a worse version of how his wrist had felt when that had been broken last time. 

When his vision clears, Harry realizes that he’s drawn his leg up to his chest. He’s shaking, and his cheeks feel wet- either his scar has started bleeding again, or he’s crying. 

“Baby,” Dudley spits. 

Harry just glares, biting on the inside of his cheek to keep himself distracted from the pain in his leg.

“What sort of game?” Luna asks, seemingly unbothered by Dudley’s violent outburst. 

“It’s called chase,” Dudley says, eyes snapping back to Luna. 

“How do you play?”

Harry shakes his head, and Luna’s big blue eyes flicker over to him. 

“Easy. You run- I chase,” Dudley says. 

“What happens if you catch me?” Luna asks, sticking her hands in the pockets of her overalls. 

Dudley smiles. “Nothin,” he says. 

Harry shakes his head again, biting down even harder. He thinks his cheek might be bleeding.

“Shut up, freak,” Dudley says, turning to look at Harry again. 

Harry can’t help but pull his other leg up too- he wouldn’t put it past Dudley to go for a round two. 

Dudley looks about ready to do just that when Luna says, “okay. Sounds fun. When do we start?”

Dudley’s smile is back. “I’ll give you a three second head-start,” he says. “One-”

Luna reaches out, placing a cool hand on the top of Harry’s head. 

“Two,” Dudley continues, grin widening. 

Harry squeezes his eyes shut. 

“Th-”

Chapter Break

“I forgot to ask what happens if we win,” Luna says, frowning.

Harry would respond, but he’s a bit busy dry-heaving onto the ground. The hard-floored, definitely-not-Little-Whinging ground.

“Where are we?” Harry asks, once he feels a little less like his stomach is trying to twist in on itself. Although- his leg does hurt so bad that every time he breathes it sends up little shooting reminders right to the back of his neck and then back down again.

Despite this, Harry looks up to take in his surroundings. They seem to be in a breaking down house, of some kind. It’s dark, and quiet, and dusty, and sort of makes Harry think of his cupboard- safe, but claustrophobic.

For some reason, Luna has started running around the room, waving her hands in big sweeping motions. It looks like she's trying to clear away a bunch of bugs- only Harry doesn't see anything of the sort.

“I dunno,” Luna muses, finally slowing down. “I followed one of your lights again. I feel really tired, now.”

“Oh,” Harry says. “Are you gonna-?”

Luna plops herself onto the ground, then simply lays down and closes her eyes. 

“Okay,” Harry says.

That's about it for published fics (the werewolf one has TONS but I haven't finished it yet so I don't want to share anything in case I use it, and my main series was surprisingly straight-forward), but I also have a couple other scraps of things that are otherwise never going to see the light of day, so here's what I have written of the first of those:

Prologue

“They say you’re the best,” says the stranger. Filch doesn’t know who he is, or what he looks like- he’s wearing a too-large hat, and an odd sort of cloak that obscures his features. He’s twirling a stick of some kind between his gloved fingers. 

Filch lets out a snort. “I wouldn’t say the best,” he says, “but I am pretty damn good.”

“I’ve heard the stories,” the stranger insists. “If you aren’t the best, I don’t know who’s better.”

“You haven’t done very much research then, son,” Filch says. “And you’d best start doing some now- I’m retired.”

The stranger leans back in his chair. “This one is worth coming out of retirement for,” he says. 

Filch can’t help but snort again, nearly choking on the laugh. “I’ve heard that one before.”

The stranger seems to stare at him from underneath that hood, then gets up to leave. “Very well- I’ll see myself out.”

Filch narrows his eyes. No, hang on. “I never said I wouldn’t hear you out,” he says. “I agreed to meet you, didn’t I?”

The stranger doesn’t relax, not quite- but he does settle back. “I thought you might say that.”

“Well?” Filch says, leaning back in his own chair. “Get on with it, then.”

The stranger leans forwards. “Tell me, Detective. Do you believe in magic?”

Chapter One

Argus swears to himself as he trips over a chunk of fallen armor. 

The cat chirps at him- he thinks she might be laughing at him. 

“Bugger off,” Filch mutters. 

The cat meows, twisting around Filch’s legs. He feels a rush of warmness for the thing despite himself- Filch has never been one for animals, but over the last decade he’s grown to appreciate cats in particular. Not that he’d ever willingly admit it to anyone, of course. 

“You think you’re so funny,” he grumbles. 

The cat chirrups again, then bolts off, leaving Argus to clean up. 

It’s hard to believe that Argus has been at this for a decade.

Or rather, hard to believe that it’s been just a decade. Magic notwithstanding, this has been one of the worst cases he’s ever taken on. Argus doesn’t even like children. Much less rich children. And rich magical children? Forget it. 

Sure, there's the occasional bright spot in the darkness- that Percy Weasley is almost enough of a good egg to atone for the sins of his brothers. 

As if. That’s not even close to true- it would take half a million Percy Weasleys to make up for one Fred, or half of a Charlie. 

Argus still doesn’t know how that boy managed to get so many damn baby dragons into the castle, and the fact that that’s on the (extremely short) list of cases he hasn’t been able to crack haunts him to this day. 

But that Nymphadora character- well, they’d been a headache and a half to manage, but they're the only student in the last ten years that got even close to recognizing Argus for what he is: namely, a damn good detective. 

The fact that they’d then immediately decided to turn Moriarty to his Sherlock is irrelevant- at least the ‘rivalry’ had been entertaining. At times. And the cat liked them well enough, at least. 

Enough to help them out on their escapades, even.

On second thought, there are no bright spots and all children are nothing but blights upon the face of the planet. 

Argus lets out a long sigh as he drags the bottom half of the suit of armor back to the pedestal. 

A decade. 

Argus had already been getting on in years when he’d officially retired- and now he’s nearing sixty-two. This case has taken a decade from him. Argus would’ve dropped it long, long ago- if not for the fact that the stakes are so goddamn high. 

Well, and the money. 

Argus was already pretty well off, but now he’s worth at least a few million dollars. Or he would be if he didn’t keep giving it all away. 

Damn bleeding heart- he curses his father every day for passing on that fucking moral compass. Why couldn’t he have gotten his mother’s coldness on top of her brains? 

Eh, whatever- it’s not like he needs the money anyhow. 

Besides, there is every chance in the world that Charlie Weasley would have stayed on as an assistant to the Care teacher had he not received an ‘anonymous’ grant giving him the means to get to Romania and into the program there- and Argus really would have given up on the case at that point, consequences be damned.

And then the first little bit of a particularly crack-y one:

In Which Kreacher Would Rather Die Than Let the House of Black Fall (And Gets Into a Loving and Committed Relationship With a Dementor About It)

Kreacher has been a staunch defender of the House of Black for millenia. Kreacher is old, even by Elf standards. Kreacher knows the magic, the family, the home, better than anyone else. Ever. 

Kreacher also knows that nothing lasts forever. 

Walburga Black, Lady Black, is as good as dead. Kreacher feels no one way about this. 

Orion Black is dead. Kreacher feels no one way about this. 

Sirius Black is imprisoned. Kreacher hates Sirius Black, Kreacher hates him, Kreacher wishes every day that Regulus had been born first, but Kreacher knows that isn’t the way and Kreacher knows that Kreacher hates Sirius for not being his brother more than anything else. And for the last three years, Sirius Black has been in Azkaban. For something he didn’t do, the Heir has no traitorous bone in his body, but nonetheless: Sirius Black is in Azkaban, and Kreacher can do nothing about it. 

Regulus Black is dead. Kreacher feels-

Pain. 

Besides the point. The Lady is useless, the Heir imprisoned for life, the- the Spare, deceased… there’s no point in denying it. The House of Black is ending. 

Kreacher just- and Kreacher does blame Regulus for this, that irritating boy that managed to worm his way into Kreacher’s heart enough to leave an exit wound on the way out- Kreacher just hadn’t anticipated it ending so soon. 

Except… 

There is one left. One more chance. 

Lady Black is useless, now. Kreacher knows this- he knows this because the magic knows this. Every day, the magic siphons more and more from Lady Black’s title, sending it Sirius Black’s way instead- the soon to be newest Lord Black. 

Kreacher is not one to question the magic’s judgment. 

Kreacher is one to grumble incessantly about it, though, and he will be damned before something ridiculous like the fall of the House of Black keeps Kreacher from doing just that. 

Soon, Sirius Black will be Lord Black. And there is to be an Heir Black, too. 

The child is not a Black in name. But the magic doesn’t lie- and for whatever reason (Kreacher will not question the magic’s judgment, Kreacher will not)- that means, Harry Potter is his last chance. 

Kreacher isn’t supposed to do this. But the House of Black isn’t supposed to fall, either. So Kreacher will interfere.

The stream of magic is as familiar as it is invigorating. Kreacher reaches out to it, wrapping its ribbons tightly around his own magic- although they look and feel nearly identical- and lets it carry him away. Away from the House, away from Kreacher’s home- towards the Heir. 

At first, Kreacher doesn’t know where he has ended up. Then, the dust clears- and Kreacher still doesn’t know where he’s ended up. A cupboard, of some kind, by the looks of it- a small one. And it’s occupied.

The little boy stares at Kreacher with huge green eyes, catching the only light filtering in through the closed cupboard door.  

Kreacher levels the most vicious glare he can at the thing. Kreacher is planning on using the boy to revitalize the House of Black, but he certainly doesn’t need to play nice to do that. And with the boy’s dark brown skin and unruly black curls, he has a distinct Potter look about him (aside from the eyes)- which means Kreacher is already less inclined to be nice than he already would have been to begin with. 

Still, he can’t just ignore the Heir, and Kreacher has questions he’d like answered. For one- “Why is the Heir in a cupboard?” 

The boy looks around, as though seeing it for the first time. Then, his gaze returns to Kreacher. He doesn’t say anything. Kreacher sighs. Enough of this. 

“Come with Kreacher,” Kreacher says, reaching a hand out. 

The boy doesn’t move. He just stares. Kreacher narrows his eyes. “The Heir is coming with Kreacher,” Kreacher says. 

Kreacher would just take the Heir. But for as little as Kreacher is supposed to be doing this, he’s not technically breaking any rules. But taking the Heir without the Heir’s permission? That would be breaking the rules.

Fortunately, the Heir is a child. And children love nothing if not to make deals. 

“If the Heir returns with Kreacher, Kreacher will provide the Heir a treat,” Kreacher says. 

The Heir’s eyes narrow further, and for the first time, Kreacher is realizing how small the thing is. Kreacher knows children, knows what they should look like and when. The Heir is four. The Heir should not look like he is two. 

Kreacher adjusts his tactics. 

“If the Heir returns with Kreacher, Kreacher will provide the Heir a meal,” Kreacher says. “Supper.”

The boy considers another moment. He is smart- of course he is smart. The magic may have limited options, but… Kreacher knows for a fact that there’s other children of the House of Black it could have chosen. This is, for whatever reason, the best choice. Which means the boy is- at the very least- bound to be intelligent. 

Intelligent, yes. But also, four. And hungry. The boy reaches for Kreacher, and Kreacher wastes no time taking them away in a swirl of magic. Back to the House. Back to the magic. Back to home. 

A home Kreacher will not let fall. 

***

There is something about the boy, Kreacher realizes. He has been home for a little under two weeks now, and things are going… well. Surprisingly well. Kreacher had thought there would be more fighting, more tears, more tantrums once the boy realized Kreacher had no intentions whatsoever of taking him back to wherever it is he came from. There is none of that. 

But there is something. And it’s not anything good. 

It takes another three days for Kreacher to realize what it is. What he’s feeling, where he’s felt it before. 

The Heir is sitting at the table, coloring quietly and intermittently snacking on pretzels. Kreacher is keeping an eye on the boy, because Kreacher is no stranger to children- and the quiet ones tend to be the ones that need the most watching. This one… isn’t, he is polite and attentive and not at all prone to whinging, but Kreacher will not let that lull him into a false sense of security. So he will watch. Even though that involves hours upon hours of sitting with the child in silence. (Kreacher doesn’t know if the boy speaks yet. Regulus was the same way. Kreacher does not think about this.)

Kreacher is patient, and not prone to boredom. But he does not sit idle- he investigates the magic, twirling and twisting it around, checking on its strength, the direction of its flow. 

The magic likes the Heir. But not all of the Heir. It will not, for example, go anywhere near the branching lines of the scar plastered across his face. It hasn’t the whole time the Heir has been here, and Kreacher wants to know why. 

He’s gotten sick of passive observation. It’s time for direct action. Kreacher wields his own magic, and pokes it at the scar. 

And the magic screams. 

The boy doesn’t notice, because his core is not yet awake or active- and Kreacher is glad of it. The less aware the boy is of it, the less it will take root, Kreacher hopes. 

But Kreacher notices. Notices, and realizes. By the time Kreacher’s ears have stopped ringing, his eyes have stopped streaming tears, he’s already moving, reaching to find something he's done his best not to think about. 

The last four years have not been easy on Kreacher. This is for a lot of different reasons- the fall of the House of Black, Lady Black’s descent into madness, Regulus dying…

The locket. 

Kreacher spent a long, long time trying to find a way to destroy the odious little thing. When he finally realized he was doing more harm to Kreacher than he was the locket, he tucked it away- safe, hidden. Kreacher would destroy it, he would… just not now. Not until the House of Black was strong once more. 

Now, it seems, Kreacher has no choice. Because the soul of darkness that lies in the locket, the one that killed Regulus and hurt Kreacher…

It lives in the Heir’s head, too. 

And Kreacher will not let it take the boy. Not another one. 

There is one thing that Kreacher had thought about trying. A last-ditch, desperate attempt to destroy the locket- or, rather, what the locket contains- for good. The danger it posed, though… was far too great. Kreacher hadn’t dared attempt to risk it. 

Now, though? 

Kreacher doesn’t think he has a choice. 

***

Kreacher waits until the Heir is sleeping. The boy sleeps lightly, but Kreacher is not worried- between the silencing charms, the warming charms, the enchanted harp strumming lullabies, and the child-proofed room (warded, of course, to prevent wandering), Kreacher knows very well that the Heir is not going anywhere. Kreacher has never technically had to raise a child on his own, but he is very old, and he has encountered his fair share of neglectful parents. Kreacher is confident in his ability to keep a child alive and well. 

Not so confident is he in Kreacher’s ability to make a child feel loved, but that’s never been a priority of Kreacher’s. There have been many Lord Blacks that grew up without love, and they’d…

Kreacher pauses, thinking about Walburga Black, and the desperate measures Kreacher is taking to keep the House from falling because of her actions, and because of the actions of the Lords and Ladies before her. Then, he sighs. Kreacher will add ‘finding someone to love the Heir’ to the list- after taking care of the Horcrux in the boy’s head. 

The Locket is as despicable as ever. Unfortunately, Kreacher requires it for this next step. The next step, being, of course, Azkaban. 

Kreacher doesn’t want to go to Azkaban. But desperate times call for desperate measures, so Kreacher lets the stream of magic take him away, until it will take him no further, and then he begins to pull, dragging himself inch by inch towards where the magic itself freezes over, sinking chill into Kreacher’s bones and making him feel every inch the 8,000 year old Elf he is. 

Still, Kreacher pulls. And pulls. And pulls and pulls and pulls until finally Kreacher is coming to a stop on the isle, shivering and breathing hard. The ground beneath Kreacher is rough and stony and sharp, and Kreacher presses himself harder into it, the pain piercing through the steadily rising fogginess that is clambering at Kreacher’s mind. Around his neck, the Locket hums. It can sense the like magic, Kreacher is sure, and it feels at home. 

Kreacher does not think that will be the case for much longer. Not if things go according to plan. 

The magic cannot be used to move any further, as it’s too atrophied. Kreacher can’t use the Black family magic either, as…

Well. Kreacher doesn’t want it to know he’s here. It’s shameful, an Elf coming here. Unheard of, even. The less waves Kreacher makes, the less likely the magic of his home, of his family, will take umbrage with his actions here. 

Kreacher looks up the sheer cliff he has found himself at the base of, and then further still. Kreacher cannot see as well as he used to, but he can still make out where the face of the cliff turns into a building. Dark, and rough, and bleak, square and utilitarian in its single-minded purpose. Even from here, Kreacher can tell the building is nothing but a husk, hollowed out of everything that gave it life. Assuming it had life to begin with.

And last but not least, one of my favorite hp things I've ever written, and also EXTREMELY crack-y, and I may or may not come back to it eventually but you get a sneak-preview anyway:

Prologue

Once upon a time, there were three brothers. 

The eldest was shrewd, and his ambition blinded him, and he died, and thus he served his narrative purpose.

The second eldest was brash, and his recklessness ruined him, and he died, and thus he served his narrative purpose.

The youngest was smart, and brave, and most of all humble- and he saw his brothers both fall, and took their failures as the object lessons he knew they were, and because of that he got his happy ending. And thus, he served his narrative-

No, hang on. That’s not quite right. Not this time.

This time, there were only two brothers- and the first got to be smart, and the second got to be brave, because in this fairy-tale there was no little brother to be the best of them both. 

Although- there was a little sister. 

But little sisters don’t get to be the best of their older brothers. Little sisters to older brothers are to be treasured, and protected, and when her older brothers are just a little too smart, or a little too brave…

Little sisters get to serve their narrative purpose. 

Which was… what, again? Oh! Of course.

To die.

And thus, she served her-

Wait. Is that a little too sad? Hm. Well.

Let’s not pick this story, then- let’s choose another. Here, how about this?

Once upon a time, there were three sisters.

Chapter One

Ariana takes a deep breath in and holds it for a beat too long- just like mother said to do when things get to be a… little much. 

Above her head, another spell shoots past, missing her by inches and shattering into fractals against the wall that showers down little red sparks onto her arm. It stings, and Ariana doubles down on not breathing, as the alternative is hyperventilating. 

This is not a ‘little much’. This is the end of the world.

“Look at what you did,” Albus says, in that cold uncaring voice he’s taken to using around them. The one that makes him sound like he thinks he’s better than them. “You nearly took Ariana’s head off.”

“That was you, asshole!” Aberforth yells, flinging another spell Albus’s way before ducking back behind the overturned table as Albus sends one right back. “Look at her, she can’t even move, she's so scared! What is the matter with you?”

Well. Aberforth isn’t wrong. Ariana is terrified. Albus is leaving, Aberforth is fighting, and Ariana is- well. Put it this way. If she can’t get control of herself?

She’s going to kill them all.

“Albus, we really should be going now,” Gellert says, buffing his fingernails from where he’s safely sitting behind a shimmering shield.

“Fucker,” Aberforth spits. Gellert shrugs.

Ariana’s going a little lightheaded, as she seems to have hit her limit as far as lack-of-oxygen-intake goes. She inhales. It doesn’t do much- not against the sticky feeling of her magic clinging to her airways. 

(According to mother, the magic goes to her lungs first, because that’s the easiest place to start. 

“It wants to ride the air all the way through your body,” mother said. “Don’t let it do that.”

“Okay,” Ariana said. “But what about when I need to breathe?”

“You need to breathe less than you need the magic not to take over,” mother said. “Better you faint, first.”

“Okay,” Ariana said.)

“Fucker,” she whispers to herself, on the exhale. She’s not supposed to swear, but the fact that she can feel her magic as much as she can means that she’s much closer to losing control than she’d thought- and also Aberforth had just said it, which means she gets to, too. It’s only fair.

Another spell shoots just past her, and she inhales again on reflex- and can almost feel the magic creeping further and further through her body, like an insidious parasite that’s gleefully making its way through her bloodstream. 

Her stomach twists. She doesn’t know if she’s going to be able to pull this one back. 

Ariana resumes not breathing. 

“Can’t you just stay?” Aberforth pleads. 

Ariana doesn’t know why he bothers, he’s fighting a losing battle. Albus has always wanted to leave, always had grander aspirations than this, so why bother forcing him to stick around? 

Well, besides the fact that that would leave Aberforth to deal with her. The Dumbledore household’s resident ghost-that-isn’t-dead-yet. The fading echo. 

Ariana feels her eyes well with tears. Useless. Less than useless. A burden. That’s all she is. Even to Aberforth, her favorite Aberforth, the one that holds her after her nightmares and sings her to sleep and still reads her stories when she asks (even though at twelve she’s practically all grown up now) and finds kittens for her to play with and mends all of their clothes and argues with Albus over who’s turn it is to do dishes even though they’re magic and-

Even to him, Ariana is nothing more than a chore.

Her magic continues to creep, bringing with it a nauseating empty feeling- like it’s hollowing her out as it goes. 

“No,” Albus says, simply and casually and cruelly. 

Ariana’s heart breaks a little, then. Albus is leaving. She doesn’t think she believed it, not until just now. Aberforth is her favorite, yes, but she loves Albus just the same.

He’s her oldest brother, the one who teaches her about history and the stars and helps her through her math lessons and retells her favorite greek myths over and over again with the same excited passion he has for teaching anyone about anything, no matter how many times she’s had him tell her about the labyrinth, or about Aphrodite, or any of it-

And he’s leaving?

“No,” Ariana hears someone say. She thinks it may have been her.

It must have sunk in for Aberforth too, because he lets out a wordless scream of rage. But this is Aberforth, and he’s always been a bit hotheaded, so he doesn’t leave it at that. No, he fires one last spell at Albus- and this one. Oh, this one flies true, shooting towards Albus in a magnificently clean-cut arc that has his blue eyes widening. 

Gellert, quick as a flash, has his wand out and is shooting his own spell- and as true as Abe’s aim had been, Gellert’s aim is truer. 

It hits the spell, changing its trajectory and forcing it to veer sharply right- right towards where Ariana is sitting frozen on the couch. 

Albus’s eyes widen further, and his mouth opens as he raises his wand as well, shooting out a third bolt of light. 

And the funny thing is, Ariana is sure that if he hadn’t, then it would have missed her the same as the other spells did. But he had. And it changes the trajectory for a second time. 

And the magic inside of her surges. 

And then- 

Everything goes white.

Chapter Two

“Er,” says the voice.

Ariana tries to blink, but she seems to have forgotten how to open her eyes. Or- maybe it’s that she’s forgotten to close them? Everything is so bright. 

What’s happening? Where is she? 

“I don’t normally get to say this in my line of work, but- are you alright?”

Ariana tries to get up from where she thinks she’s lying on the floor, but that’s about as effective as blinking is. 

“And- well, I get to say this even less, but- have you considered trying to breathe?”

Ah! Breathing. She remembers how to do that. 

As the rush of cool air enters her lungs, she feels the last vestiges of her sick magic ebb away as well- the same way it always does after she’s had an episode. 

Which, of course, means she’s just had an episode. 

And just like that, the events of the last hour come rushing back to her, and Ariana is suddenly on her feet and breathing hard, heart hammering at a million miles per hour. Unfortunately, she’s still extremely off-balanced, which means she’s overshot and is in the process of falling flat on her face when the man catches her.

“Careful, there,” he says. 

Oh, absolutely not. 

“Get- off- me,” Ariana hisses, pushing back and nearly falling over again in the process. Her heart is beating so quickly she thinks it may give out. She does not like being touched by anyone but her brothers, let alone men. Men she doesn’t know, especially. 

“Ah,” the man says, a sad sort of recognition dawning on his face. “Yes. Trauma. This I am accustomed to.”

As she recovers from her stumbling backwards, she gets a better look at the man- he’s wearing a simple black robe that makes him stand out in sharp contrast from the oppressive white blankness of the rest of the world. He’s tall, too, with dark brown skin, and a crooked sort of smile. He’s got a mop of curly black hair that falls charmingly over his forehead, brushing up against his long dark eyelashes- which are framing his sparkling green eyes, looking at her with a soft sort of kindness she’s only ever seen from Aberforth. That, more than anything, calms Ariana- but not by much. 

“Usually, this is the part where I try to tell you that this is all just part of the journey and, considering your age, that things are going to be alright in the long run. The problem is that I don’t actually know what you’re doing here or why any of this is happening at all.” 

Ariana doesn’t know what he’s talking about, or where she is, or what’s going on, but her head is starting to hurt from all the bright white and she’s still feeling light-headed, and there’s a niggling feeling in the back of her mind that’s trying to tell her that something is incredibly wrong here and-

“You know,” the man says. “I think I’m going to try and make things a bit more comfortable for the both of us.”

And then he’s snapping his fingers and just like that, quicker than a blink, instead of standing in the middle of a white void Ariana is sitting in a cushy armchair in front of a roaring fire, wearing a simple blue dress, and holding a fragile-looking teacup with little flowers (daffodils, her mind supplies) painted delicately on the side. There’s a curl of steam wafting off the surface of the tea. She doesn’t taste it, because she still doesn’t know what’s happening, but it smells like chamomile, and despite herself, she relaxes. 

In front of her is the man, sitting on a matching chair- he’s changed as well, wearing a black dress-shirt, slacks, and dress-shoes. Instead of a teacup, he’s holding a sheaf of papers, frowning slightly as he reads through them. 

Ariana shifts in her seat. She’s certainly not going to bring attention to herself by asking silly questions like ‘who are you’ and ‘where am I’, so instead she turns her focus inward. Namely, towards her magic. 

Normally, after an episode, her magic is withdrawn and distant for weeks, if not months. That said, she can still feel it. She can always feel it. It’s a rot that’s eating her from the inside out. How could she possibly not feel it? 

She takes care to keep track of it, though- even when it’s distant like this. Just in case. Except- it doesn’t feel distant. Nor does it feel like an infection. 

It feels like it did before. Which is impossible. Unless-

And just like that, Ariana knows both where she is, and also who the man is. 

“Are my brothers dead as well?” Ariana asks, since she’s no longer got anything to be afraid of. 

Well- besides the answer to that question. 

“No,” the man- Death, that’s Death- says absently, still looking over the pages.

Ariana sinks back into her seat, letting out a huge sigh of relief. Good. That’s- that’s good. She might be dead, but- well, it was bound to happen sooner rather than later, and at least she didn’t take any of her family out with her. She’s not happy about being dead, but honestly? Could be worse. At least there’s an afterlife, apparently. 

Death is still completely immersed in his pages, and his head is cocked now. Whatever is on that paper, it must be interesting. Or concerning. “Although- to be completely honest? I don’t know if you are, either. Dead, I mean.” 

Ariana feels her blood turn to ice in her veins. 

That should probably have filled her with hope, or relief, or something- but she can’t help but wonder… if not dead, what else?

And is it going to be worse?

Death must pick up on her apprehension, because he finally looks up from his papers. “Oh, sorry- I mean, it’s nothing to be worried about. Probably. I mean- damn. Sorry. I’m not very good at this. Honestly, your situation is probably much more in my Lady’s wheelhouse. I’m not sure why the powers that be sent you my way.”

“Are you being vague on purpose?” Ariana asks. She didn’t mean to sound so biting, but to her credit, she is very worried. And apparently, now that her magic is no longer forcing her to freeze in the face of danger, her natural inclination is to provoke it instead. 

This is probably going to be an issue in the future, if she has one- Ariana has been compared to a baby bird by her brothers more times than she can count, and although she loathes the comparison she can’t help but see the reasoning behind it. Her watery blue eyes are far too big for her pointy face and she’s small and bony, much smaller and sharper than all the other village children (from what she'd seen of them through the windows), and although her hair is long and blonde it’s wispy too- feathery, even. Also, her nose is rather beaky.

The point is, she is not in any shape to fight anyone, ever. 

“No, I’m sorry,” Death says again. He does sound genuinely apologetic, so Ariana decides to forgive him. For now. “I’m trying to figure this out- reading your file, that sort of thing.”

“File,” Ariana repeats, the goodwill she’d managed to scrounge up for Death rapidly dwindling almost as soon as she'd pulled it together. 

“Yes,” Death says. “Surprisingly bureaucratic, death is.”

“I see,” she says. She doesn’t.

“Really, I should be calling my Lady up, but-”

“Who is your Lady?” Ariana cuts in. On purpose or no, the deity is being ridiculously obscure, and if she needs to ask clarifying questions then by god is she going to be asking them. 

“Oh,” Death says. “Magic. My Lady Magic.”

Ah. Hm. Ariana doesn’t really- hm. She doesn’t have much to say to that particular deity. Not anything especially kind, in any case.

“I would prefer it,” Ariana says, somewhat carefully, “if we could leave… her out of this.”

 “Yes,” Death says, flipping a page over and squinting at it. “I thought you might say something like that. And, frankly, I would prefer that as well- she’s been planning something of a- well, she calls it a ‘game’ but I think it’s probably more akin to something that will dictate the fate of the universe and what-have you- and she’s been rather tetchy because of it.”

“And you are quite sure you aren’t trying to make me feel completely lost on purpose?” Ariana asks, raising an eyebrow in what she hopes is an expression similar to the one Albus is fond of- namely, the ‘you are being unnecessarily irritating to me right now’ expression. 

Death looks at her for a moment, then has the audacity to laugh- although he catches himself nearly immediately afterwards, sobering up. “I’m sorry,” he says. “I- sorry.”

“Yes,” Ariana says, feeling her nose wrinkle. “Quite.” “Right,” Death says. “Well. The good news is that I think I’ve figured it out.”

This startles Ariana out of her annoyance. “You- you mean to say you’ve figured out what’s going on? Just now?”

Death nods, green eyes glinting with mirth. 

“But- how? We’ve been talking this whole time!”

“Oh, dear one- I’m Death. If I couldn’t handle a little bit of multi-tasking, I’d be pretty much sunk.”

Ariana can’t really argue with that. In fact, now she feels somewhat foolish. She takes a sip of her tea instead, in an attempt to cover her embarrassment. It’s delicious. “Well?” She asks, bringing the cup back down to her lap. “What is happening?”

“You- hm. Well. There are two things I know for sure about you. One of which being that you are without a doubt dead, which is why you came to me,” Death starts. 

Ariana hesitates, then nods. She’s feeling surprisingly conflicted about that- she thought that is what she’d have preferred, at least compared to the unknown, but it’s just hit her-

She’s twelve. 

Maybe she didn’t want to die quite yet. 

“And the other thing?” Ariana asks, voice wavering just the slightest bit. 

Death clears his throat. “Right. The other thing I know for sure about you is that you are, er, also-”

“Also what?”

“Very much alive?”

Ariana stares at Death. Death looks back at her, smiling awkwardly. 

“You are terrible at explaining things,” she decides. 

Death sighs, smile dropping. “Yes. You’d think I’d be better at it."

Chapter Three

Ariana takes a deep breath, relishing in the feeling of being able to breathe so freely without her magic encroaching. “Okay. One more time. What, exactly, is happening to me?”

“You’re not dead, either. Hence the- the breathing. And heartbeat. And showing up entirely unannounced.”

The problem is, that doesn’t make any sense to Ariana at all. How can she be both dead, and not dead? 

For once, Death seems ready to try and actually explain: “basically, in the simplest possible terms, you had a magical… accident, let’s call it.”

Ha- accident is one word for it. Ariana prefers the term ‘attack’. Or, possibly, ‘allergic reaction’. Or maybe even ‘catastrophe’. She nods for Death to keep going, though- now is not really the time to argue over semantics.

“Your magic reacted to your brothers’ and Gellerts’ spells, and resulted in two things: your death, and also your displacement.”

“Displacement.”

“Yes,” Death confirms. “In time, specifically.”

“Time,” Ariana repeats. 

“That’s why you came to me here, in the pocket outside of where space and time intersect, instead of- well, you’d have no way of knowing this, but normally, I’d have gone to you. Let you down gently, before leading you on. There hasn’t been a person here in- well. Maybe ever. Not linearly, anyways.”

Ariana hesitates, then nods. She’s not one-hundred percent following, but she thinks she gets the gist. 

“The point is,” Death continues, “is that now you have a choice.”

“Choice?” Ariana asks, feeling her heart skip a beat.

“Dear one, you’ve done nothing but repeat my words back to me for the last several minutes. Haven’t you gone long enough feeling like an echo?” Death asks, and although there is a note of reproach in his voice, Ariana thinks it was meant to be in good humor. 

She’s not really in a humorous sort of mood. 

Ariana would like to feel more indignant over that, but mostly she feels abruptly very sad. It’s not like Death is wrong, after all- that is exactly what she’s felt like. Her whole life, almost. 

Just a fading echo.

She looks down at the teacup in her hand, tracing the daffodils with her thumbnail. All at once, something hardens in her chest. Ariana is done with that. She’s never- she is never being someone else’s echo, ever again. 

With that thought, she looks back up at Death. He looks somewhat bemused, but raises an eyebrow in an obvious gesture for her to speak her piece. 

“You said I get a choice,” she says. “I want whichever one that lets me keep living.”

Both of Death’s eyebrows are up, now. “Are you- dear one, are you sure? Because- and I may be a bit biased, but- death is a significantly easier choice.”

“I don’t care,” Ariana says. “What do I need to do to get back?”

“You don’t,” Death says. “You’re out of time. Literally, outside of time. I can- I have the option to bring you back to life, which is something that has quite literally never happened to me, but- it wouldn’t be your old life.”

Ariana doesn’t think she cares. In fact, she thinks she might prefer that. 

She was already never going to see her brothers again. She’s made her peace with that. 

Well- probably she has. 

Doesn’t matter. She’ll have the time to do that later. 

“Well then. Tell me what I need to know about my new life,” she says.

Death smiles, softly. “Okay,” he says, before immediately launching into his explanation. “For one, this isn’t going to be a reincarnation deal- you still have your body, so I’ll just be slipping you into your new time as is.”

“Where? Or, when? Or do I get to choose that, too?”

Death laughs ruefully, and shakes his head. “Certainly not,” he says. “There’s a very specific spot opened up for you. Don’t ask me why, that is squarely in my Lady’s wheelhouse and I don’t think she’d explain it even if we asked.”

“You didn’t tell me where, though,” Ariana says. 

“Hm,” Death says, checking his paper again. Ariana has the suspicion that that might just be for her benefit- make him seem more human. “Sixty-seven years.”

Oh. Oh, that’s- that’s almost no time at all. Unless- which direction?

“In the future, or the past?” 

“Future,” Death says. “Speaking strictly linearly.” 

Huh. Forget not seeing her brothers again- they could very well still be alive in her new time. 

“Where?”

“With an old family,” Death says. “England. Not far from home at all- in more ways than one.”

Ariana’s brow furrows as she thinks, fingernails tapping absently on the teacup. It’s not exactly the brand-new start she’d been hoping for, but it’s also not death, so- she’s not about to complain. 

“And my magic?”

Death grimaces. “See, that’s my Lady’s wheelhouse too- only in this case, I really don’t know. You could still be an obscurial-”

“Obsc-” Ariana remembers her resolve not to echo and switches gears mid-word- “A what?”

“Er- a person with a magical illness like yours.”

“Oh,” Ariana says, resolving to look up the term as soon as she gets back. Or- forward. 

“As I was saying, you could be the same, or… or your magic could be perfectly healed, like it is now, or something in between- or maybe you won’t have magic at all. I don’t know.”

Ariana desperately hopes for the latter. But she isn’t expecting it. Ariana has long since learned it hurts less to stay as realistic as possible. She doesn’t think her magic is a curse lifted as easily as all that. 

Ha- as if dying and coming back to life seventy years in the future is easy. 

But still.

“You said I’ll be with a family. What family? And- how? If I’m not being reincarnated…”

“That,” Death says, “is going to be the trickiest bit. I’ll have to rework some things- and I definitely won’t be able to catch everyone. But for the most part, it will be like you’ve always lived there- born and raised.”

“Without changing my appearance?” “Like I said- I’m simply slipping you in. Same as ever.”

Ariana nods, feeling somewhat relieved. She didn’t really want to have to deal with a new body on top of a new everything else. 

“Except,” Death says. “I do believe you’ll need a new name.”

Ariana looks up at him. He looks apologetic, but… 

“I get to choose?”

Death pauses, looking a bit surprised- likely at the eagerness in her voice. “I don’t see why not,” he says. 

Good. A body is one thing, but a name… this is good. After all, she’d wanted a new life, and what better way to signify that by leaving her old name behind? It’s poetic.

Besides, she’d never really liked the name ‘Ariana’. It’s a derivative of Ariadne- the princess who gave all of herself away to Theseus, only to be abandoned. Not a bad myth, not by a long shot, but-

Ariana is tired of being someone who gives all of herself away. 

She looks down at the teacup in her hands. The one with the little painted daffodils. 

This time, she wants to put herself first. 

This time, she’s done being the echo. 

This time, for once, she’s going to be the one echoed. 

“Narcissa,” she says, looking back up at Death. “My name is Narcissa.”

Death looks at her for a moment. Then, a smile spreads across his face. “Nice to meet you, Narcissa. Now- let’s get you home.”

ANYWAYS THE END

Holy shit that was. So long. Thank you for all those that stuck around long enough to get through what is essentially a pile of scraps.

And thank you for the ask! I always love the chance to talk about some of the behind-the-scenes stuff :D