#james is going back to his more experimental sound!!!!

[mallowsweetmiri]

Bestfriend!Marauders with no boundaries accidentally make you sick and take care of you

some comfort fluff marauders content because the election is actually giving me existential dread and anxiety lol.

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There was nothing worse than getting sick. Actually, there was something worse. There was your best friends testing out an experimental prank, which resulted in a magical fungus puffing you with its spores, that led to you developing a serious cold. And the worst part is, they begged you not to go to the hospital wing.

"We're so sorry Y/N," James frowned, covering his face with his shirt and brushing the specks off of your hair.

"Please, forgive us," Sirius pleaded, also covering his mouth from the spores. "But you can't tell Madam Pomfrey. She'll give us another month of detention and we have something big planned next month." You coughed through the dissipating cloud and sneezed before glaring daggers at Sirius.

"Why can't I just tell her I ran into this thing outside? I won't mention you dreadful lot," you grumbled, pushing James' hand away from your hair and doing it yourself. He frowned even more and stepped back with his eyes on his feet.

"Well, the thing is," Peter chuckled nervously, "there technically wouldn't be any of those around the grounds. Because, well, it's not exactly, legal, per se." Peter finished off his rambling and looked at anything but you. You whined in frustration and sneezed again. These idiots had somehow acquired an off the market plant in order to pull off god knows what kind of prank. It was only your luck that you would be walking into the room just as Peter was exiting with the plant, causing a collision that ended with spores being dispersed directly into your sinuses. Remus could see your frustration at their idiocracy and stepped forward, although he was still covering his mouth with his shirt.

"Dove, I know you're upset, and you should be. It was very irresponsible for us to have that in the dorm at all, " Remus raised his brows and looked at the three boys behind him. They all nodded their heads in shame. "And you're being such an angel by not going to the hospital wing," He looked back at them again and the three boys nodded fervently, mumbling praises and compliments to you. "So let us take care of you, Y/N. I promise we'll make it up to you." You could almost see his charming smile through his shirt and you rolled your eyes in defeat. James' smile spread all the way to his eyes as he enthusiastically stepped forward.

"Yes, just let us take care of you," he grinned, grabbing your elbow with his free hand and guiding to you the door. "First order of business, airing out this room so we don't all get sick. Let's go get some fresh air while Pete and Sirius clean things up in here." There were sounds of protest but James was already leading you down the stairs, continuing to dust any residue off of your hair and shirt. Remus followed behind, fanning out the trail of dust James was leaving. Once the three of you finally reached the common room, James sat you down on a couch and promptly removed his "mask" beginning to feel your forehead and cheeks.

"Okay, okay," you chuckled, gently moving his doting hands off your face. "I'm not that sick. I've only got a little cough and sniffles." James looked back at Remus with deep concern, which Remus returned. Your eyebrows furrowed together.

"Well, dove. Peter actually said that the spore would make the victim extremely ill. Fever, congestion, and a terrible cough," Remus said compassionately, giving you a look of pity as he rested his hand on your leg to break the news. You looked at him with exasperation as you let out a cry which subsequently made you cough. James let out a huff of sadness as he moved to embrace you into his lap, swaying you as you groaned at your circumstances.

"We're so sorry, Y/N," James whispered, petting your hair with his hand. He then looked up to Remus and added, "I hope it's not contagious."

Within the next twenty minutes of waiting for Sirius and Peter, you got significantly worse. At first it was the sneezing, but soon your body fell into terrible chills. Remus got you water and helped you drink while James had taken off his sweatshirt and promptly placed it over you, the material swallowing your frame. By the time Sirius bounded down the stairs to tell you the room was clean, you had snot blocking your airways. James didn't say a word as he scooped you up and carried you up the stairs.

"Is she doing okay?" Sirius asked, his voice dripping in concern as he peeked over James shoulder to catch a glimpse of you. Remus shook his head and pat Sirius on the back as they followed you to the dorm. James placed you in his bed, where Peter was already fluffing up the pillows and opening the covers for you to slip under.

"Oh, Y/N," Peter murmured, tucking your body under the covers and fussing with the pillows. "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have been so careless. This was a terrible, terrible idea." You shook your head and placed you hand on his arm to stop him.

"No," you croaked, pausing to clear your throat, "It's okay Peter. What's done is done. Could you maybe bring me some tea and biscuits, please?" You gave him puppy eyes, but you hardly think you needed them. Peter was already halfway out the door and on his way to the kitchens. Remus went to the bathroom to dampen a washcloth, and both Sirius and James took seats on the edge of the bed. James lightly massaged your temples, causing you to sigh in relief. You could feel Sirius pouting and he looked severely distraught, almost to the point of tears.

"Siri," you sniffled, reaching out for his hand. He grabbed it gently and let out a choked sob.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," he whimpered. You shushed him and squeeze his hand.

"Siri, it's okay. You don't have to apologize for anything. It was an accident," you reassured him. He nodded but looked away from you. You were certain he was crying, and you knew it had to do with his remaining guilt of the prank™. Before you could sit up to comfort him further, his form shifted to Padfoot, and he quietly nuzzled his way into your lap, rubbing his snout gently into your chest. You huffed out a smile and relaxed into the bed, looking up at James who had a light smile on his face. Remus came back and placed the damp washcloth on your head.

"Hey, Pads," Remus whispered as he pat the dog on his head. Padfoot huffed but remained with his head on your chest, your hand stroking him rhythmically. James did the same but to your cheek, his eyes glued to your face as he watched with concern for any signs of discomfort. After a while, Remus had settled in his bed next to yours, reading a book quietly as Sirius and James stayed on your bed, both in an attempt to comfort you. It was quite working, and after a few minutes, you were dozing off to sleep. It was unfortunate that your body jolted awake after choking on a wet cough. You startled Padfoot as your body jolted up, followed by a honking cough that cut through your throat. You groaned as you head pounded with pressure.

"Water," you croaked, scrambling to sit up. Sirius jumped off the bed and transformed quickly, coming forward to help you sit up.

"Oh, darling," Sirius cooed, using his hands to shift your body into a sitting position. He took the water from Remus and brought it your mouth slowly. You cautiously took a sip and let out a sigh of relief. You went in for a second sip but your lungs had other plans, sputtering up a cough as you tried to sip. This caused all three boys to instantly take the water away and begin doting over you, patting your back and wiping the water off your chin. Peter entered the room to the chaotic scene.

"Oh merlin," Peter said hurriedly, setting his tray down on the bedside table. You waved your hands as you went through your fit of coughing.

"I'm fine," you swallowed, laying back against the headboard. You heard sighs as the boys bodies slouched in relief. "Biscuits?" you smiled sheepishly, only mildly embarrassed of the disgusting noises you had been making. Peter grinned and brought them over to you.

"M'lady," he held the tray out for you to take one. As you reached for one to bring to your mouth, Remus tutted.

"Slowly," he said with a warning brow raised. You rolled your eyes and brought the cookie to your open mouth at a comedically slow speed, causing Sirius and James to sputter down a laugh. Remus rolled his eyes right back but smiled when you finally bit into the cookie. Not a single boy left your side as they continued to feed you tea and cookies until the plate was empty. You let out a yawn and had James instantly at his trunk.

"I'm going to wrap you up now," James said, matter of factly as he brought a blanket towards you. "Time for sleep." You tried to protest but your body betrayed you as another yawn met your lips. James hummed as he wrapped the blanket around you, using his sheer strength to lift you body and place you back into a laying position as if you were a doll. At some point, Padfoot had gone back to dog form and was once again nuzzle his way next to your body. You gladly patted his ears as he settled down, and closed your eyes as James leant down to kiss your forehead. Remus began to close the bed shades as Peter took the now finished food tray away.

"Sleep well, Y/N," Remus whispered, stroking your cheek with his thumb.

"Just tap Padfoot if you need something," James smiled, closing the curtains on his side. "Merlin, that is the cutest thing I've ever seen."

"Thanks boys," you murmured as darkness swept over the bed. You let out a sigh of content as you gently pet Padfoot. Maybe being sick wasn't the worst thing in the world after all.

[moonstruckme]

Omg Mar I’ve just read your first time with James and I love it! Could you write something similar with Sirius? I just think that the first time with him would be very different from James but equally fluff!

Thanks for requesting lovely!

cw: smut mdni, inexperienced reader, reader has pubic hair

Sirius Black x fem!reader ♡ 1k words

“You okay?” 

You rip yourself forcibly out from inside your own head, looking down at Sirius. His lips are kiss-swollen and parted slightly, eyes of almost all pupil inspecting your face. 

“Yeah,” you say. “Why?” 

Sirius’ eyebrow twitches. You know he doesn’t believe you. “You got sorta tense, all of a sudden.”

You lay your head back on the pillow, sighing. “Sorry. I’m just a bit nervous.” 

He melts in the face of your unease, setting his chin down on your stomach. “Don’t be sorry. What’s making you nervous, sweetness?” 

You toy with your bottom lip. Truthfully, you’re not sure. You’re beginning to wonder if you’ve initiated all this before really thinking it through. 

It’s not like Sirius hasn’t seen you naked before; he’s lying across you now with his chin denting into your belly and his fingers playing idly with your pubic hair. You’re not necessarily worried about the pain, either, after all the time Sirius has spent getting you ready with his touches and his tongue. Your cunt is weeping and desperate, and the sight of your boyfriend, nude and beautiful and already hard from touching you, makes you feel just as needy. 

“It’s new,” you say. That’s what it boils down to. It’s new, and you want it to be nice. 

Sirius’ eyebrows pinch. Not in confusion, but in understanding. “I know. I know it is, baby.��� He kisses beside your belly button, sweet and lingering, like a promise. “You know I’ll take care of you, yeah?” 

His phrasing makes blood rush to your cheeks. “Yeah,” you admit. “I know.” 

“Good. And we can stop if you don’t like it.” Sirius’ eyes glint with smugness as his lips quirk. “But I think you’ll like it.” 

You grin back at him, and your brain starts to buzz with both giddiness and anxiety. “Yeah?” You take a breath. “Prove it.” 

He blinks. “Really? You ready?” 

“Do it before I change my mind.” 

“Not really what I’d like to hear,” he says, but he’s unwrapping a condom. You watch fascinatedly as he rolls it up his length and lines up over you. “Are you really sure?” 

You look him in the eyes, letting him see that you mean it. “I’m sure.” 

“Okay.” Sirius’ hands find your hips, steadying himself or you, you’re not sure. “Okay, baby, I’ve gotcha.” 

You feel yourself tense when the head of his cock brushes through your folds, spreading slick around your entrance. You try to relax. Sirius bends over you and pushes in all in one motion, swallowing your small sound of surprise with his mouth on yours. 

“That’s my girl,” he says, voice already a tad hoarse. You’d laugh at him if you didn’t feel a tad hoarse yourself. “How’s that, honey? You okay?”

You hum, trying to reckon with the feeling of him inside of you. It is new. Different than you’d expected, but not bad. Far from bad. 

You tighten your cunt experimentally, and Sirius gasps. 

“Fuck—let’s not do that just yet, okay? Trying to last more than a fucking minute here.” 

You laugh. It feels odd and yet so perfectly right, laughing in bed with your boyfriend, the both of you naked and vulnerable and yet your same ridiculous selves. 

Sirius grins down at you, planting a kiss on your lips. “Ready for a bit more, sweetness?” 

“Wait, is that not all of it?” 

“Ha, ha.” 

“Yeah,” you laugh. “Go ahead.” 

Despite your joking, Sirius watches you carefully as he pushes in further, stopping when you tense. 

“Oh.” Now it’s a stretch. Not quite painful, but getting there. 

Sirius’ hand moves to your side, sweeping up and down pacifyingly. “There?” 

“Yeah, I think. Is that all of it?” 

He chuckles. “You’ll know when it’s all of it, babe.” 

You blow out a breath. “How much more is there?” 

“Not much.” His touch creates a warm trail up and down your waist, thumb brushing the underside of your breast. “You can handle a bit more for me, yeah?” 

“I think so,” you say waveringly. 

“You can,” Sirius assures you. “I know you can, baby. I’ve got you, okay?” 

You push out a breath, letting his certainty bleed into you. “Okay.” 

It goes quicker than the other pushes, and you do know when Sirius is all the way inside you. His pelvis presses into yours, closing what space remains between you. You choke on a gasp. 

Sirius’ hands are soothing and searing, one holding your shoulder while the other slips down to grope your ass. He smears kiss after kiss onto your face. Soft, sweet praises murmured against your cheekbone. 

“I’m okay,” you tell him. 

“Yeah?” He looks at you severely, relenting only when you nod. “You did so good, baby,” he says, lips finding yours. “I knew you would. So good for me, my good girl.” 

The words warm you like they knew he would. Sirius beams at you and kisses your cheeks while you squirm underneath him. 

“You were right,” you say. “I do like it.” 

He chuckles at that. “That’s good, sweetheart, but we’re not at the best part yet. Do you want me to show you?” 

You nod eagerly. 

The sound that tears from your throat when Sirius drags his cock backwards, making you tighten on him like a vice, is too mortifying to be borne. Your boyfriend reacts like he’s just unwrapped a gift, grinning before he thrusts back into you. 

He does this several more times, eliciting several more sounds which you vow never to think of again, before he brushes up against something sweet inside of you. 

You clench around him, one hand flying to your mouth to smother your moan. 

Sirius makes a low, satisfied sound. “Here, huh?”

He finds it again. You think you’re barely even a person at this point, just a collection of nerve endings that your smug boyfriend knows just how to use. Your brain buzzes like that’s all it remembers how to do. 

“Aw, baby.” Sirius kisses you, laughing against your lips. “I told you you’d like it, didn’t I? Sit tight, sweetness, we’ll see just how much liking we can get out of you.”

[inkdrinkerworld]

hey there <3 I can’t find whether your requests are open so ignore this if you’re not accepting!!

I am on my knees asking for more of your bfb!remus… I need it, the world needs it. moony finally giving in after years of denying the reader for james’ sake 😫 this dynamic is everything

You're Jamies' baby sister and Remus can't believe he's got the fattest crush on you.

You're three years younger than him which isn't the thing that bothers Remus. What bothers him is the reaction James might have.

Remus should've never said yes to this damn vacation. You're all at the Potter's summer house, a life of dipping in the pool and then hitting the beach soon after.

Right now you're at the beach, and while James and Sirius are wrestling each other in the water, Remus can't pull his eyes off you as you build sandcastles and decorate them with shells that you'd found along the shore.

You can feel his eyes on you every now and then, and hide a smirk. You're pretty sure everyone knows you and Remus are head over heels for each other, he just never takes your advances as advances- much to your disappointment.

You shake your head a little, pieces of hair coming undone before you set your trap.

"Remmy, will you come help me?" You look up at him and the hair that had been braided back as all loosened and fallen in your face. You look like an angel of destruction like this- specifically his destruction.

"I'm not sure how well I can braid, dove. You know that's Jamie's strong suit." His knees crack as he stands and sets his book down before making his way over to you.

"Doesn't have to look pretty Rem, just need it out of my face so I can finish this castle."

Remus' hands are gentle as they pull the hair tie off, "Tell me if I'm pulling too hard."

You take a chance, "I can handle a little bit of pain, Rem." His breath hitches and you smile.

"Are you on the shore for me Remus? Because I'm a big girl now, you can go wrestle in the water with the boys."

Remus rolls his eyes, "I know you are, but why would I willingly let Sirius and James hold me under water?"

Remus' braid doesn't look as good as yours had, but it's swept all the hair out of your face. You turn to face him as he ties the braid off, a wide smile on your face.

"Remus I have an important question." you lean back on your palms and Remus can feel the back of his neck on fire. Your stupid little belly ring is a constant torment in his mind, always dangling over your tummy and making his brain short circuit.

"I'll answer if I can, dove." He's nervous, anything can come out of your mouth, no filter. He thinks it's sweet that you never censor yourself, Euphemia and Fleamont had ensured that their kids were never insecure about that.

You take a deep breath and Remus looks away from your glittery red bikini top. You smile and hide it quickly, "Are you scared to kiss me because of James?"

Remus looks over his shoulder, James and Sirius body surfing now. He leans in, sandy brown hair and hazel eyes all you can see- not that you mind.

"Or do you not like me anymore?" You know that's not true, but if Remus doesn't kiss you by tonight, you're going to go insane.

"Not like you?" Remus chuckles, his hand reaching for your cheek. "Dove, you don't ask silly questions." You really don't. "Of course I like you, I like you so much sometimes I can't look at you because I want to kiss you stupid."

It's your turn for your breath to hitch. "Then why haven't you kissed me yet?" Remus smiles, you sound so petulant and pouty, so unlike yourself that he leans in a little more.

Your nose brushes his, lips just barely touching and you frown. "Remus."

He groans, and pulls you closer, lips locking and you melt into him. It's a gentle kiss, experimental and slow. Your hands comb through his hair and pull him a little closer, making him deepen the kiss.

You hear whopping and hollering, "Fucking finally Moony!" It's your brother and the shock causes you both to pull away.

You heart is racing and Remus chases your lips for a second kiss. "Took you long enough." you whisper and he shakes his head.

"Did that kiss magically make you mouthy, pretty girl?" You nod, smiling like a giddy fool as Remus stares down at you.

"Moony, you couldn't wait till the end of the trip? Now I have to do the washing up for the rest of the week." Sirius moans as he and James meet you at your sandcastle fortress.

"No, I really couldn't." he's looking directly in your eyes as he says it.

[ddejavvu]

ok but like,,,, james nutting in you before a party to make sure you know you’re his with his cum leaking out of you as a constant reminder😩🤞🏼

this post is 18+, minors dni.

You're moving slower tonight than you normally do, both brain and body lagging from how recently you'd been fucked. You're used to sprawling out over James's chest post-sex and knocking out until morning, but now your slightly shaky legs are steering you around a party that's all loud noises and energetic guests. You're happy to be here, it means seeing your friends and having an alcohol-fueled good time, but you're certainly struggling to stay upright.

James helps.

He grabs your elbow in passing, hauling you along on his trajectory towards the bathroom. He nudges you inside first, then flips on the light before shutting the door behind him.

"Hi, darling," He greets, leaning in to kiss you before the words are even out of his mouth, "How're the girls?"

"Good," You hum absentmindedly, more focused on the thick fingers that James is wriggling beneath the hem of your skirt, than you are on your friends, "Uh- I don't know if I can-"

"Easy," He croons, pecking at your lips with a hasty suctioning sound, "Just checking."

He prods experimentally at your cunt, finding it still stuffed and slowly leaking with his cum. He's satisfied at the sensation, flattening his palm out over your cunt to pat it appreciatively.

"Good girl," He lets your underwear snap back into place around your thighs and withdraws his hands, holding out his finger for you to suck the residual cum off of it. It's warm from being contained in your puffy cunt, and you have no problem drawing it into your mouth and cleaning it off. He watches you with hooded eyes, and drags his spit-stained finger over your cheek when you release it, leaving a smear of sticky saliva behind.

"Gotta go; Remus is rolling a joint for us all in the backyard. Keep it in there, m'kay?" He muscles past you in the cramped bathroom and opens the creaky wooden door, meeting your frazzled eyes with a steady, unbothered smile, "If it's still there by the end of the night, I'll eat it out of you, love."

[sassenach77yle]

||COUNTDOWN || SEASON 5 EPISODE 03  || FREE WILL ||

#83daysofoutlander☆

The sound came again from the back of the house, somewhat louder; a noise midway between a squeal and a growl.[...] His eyebrows also rose in surprise, and I leaned over his arm to see.

A woman peered out from between two hillocks of goods, looking round suspiciously, like a rat peering out of a garbage dump. She was not particularly ratlike in appearance, being wavy-haired and quite stout, but she blinked at us in the calculating way of vermin, reckoning the threat. “Go away,” she said, evidently concluding that we were not the vanguard of an invading army. “Good morning to ye, ma’am,” Jamie began, “I am James Fraser, of—” “I don’t care who you are,” she replied. “Go away.” “Indeed I will not,” he said firmly. “I must speak with the man o’ the house.” An extraordinary expression crossed her plump face; concern, calculation, and what might have been amusement.

“Must you?” she said. She had a slight lisp; it came out as mutht you? “And who says that you must?” Jamie’s ears were beginning to redden slightly, but he answered calmly enough. “The Governor, madam. I am Colonel James Fraser,” he said, with emphasis, “charged with the raising of militia. All able-bodied men between the ages of sixteen and sixty are called to muster. Will ye fetch Mr. Beardsley, please?” “Mili-ish-ia, is it?” she said, handling the word with care. “Why, who will you be fighting, then?” “With luck, no one. But the call to muster is sent out; I must answer, and so must all able-bodied men within the Treaty Line.” Jamie’s hand tightened on the crosspiece of the inner frame and rattled it experimentally. It was made of flimsy pine sticks, the wood shrunken and badly weathered; he could plainly rip it out of the wall and step through the opening, if he chose to do so. He met her eyes straight on, and smiled pleasantly. She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, thinking. “Able-bodied men,” she said at last. “Hmp. Well, we’ve none of those. The bond lad’s run off again, but even if he were here, he’s not able; deaf as that doorpotht, and quite as dumb.” She nodded toward the door in illustration. “If you care to hunt him down, you’re welcome to keep him, though.” It didn’t look as though there would be any hue and cry after Keziah, then. I took a deep breath, in a sigh of relief, but let it out again, swiftly. Jamie wasn’t giving up easily. “Is Mr. Beardsley in the house?” he asked. “I wish to see him.” He gave an experimental tug on the frame, and the dry wood cracked with a sound like a pistol shot. “He’s thcarce fit for company,” she said, and the odd note was back in her voice; wary, but at the same time, filled with something like excitement. “Is he ill?” I asked, leaning over Jamie’s shoulder. “I might be able to help; I’m a doctor.” She shuffled forward a step or two, and peered at me, frowning under a heavy mass of wavy brown hair. She was younger than I’d thought; seen in better light, the heavy face showed no cobweb of age or slackening of flesh. “A doctor?” “My wife’s well-kent as a healer,” Jamie said. “The Indian folk call her White Raven.” “The conjure woman?” Her eyes flew wide in alarm, and she took a step back. Something struck me odd about the woman, and looking at her, I realized what it was. Despite the reek in the house, both the woman’s person and her dress were clean, and her hair was soft and fluffy—not at all the norm at this time of year, when people generally didn’t bathe for several months in the cold weather. “Who are you?” I asked bluntly. “Are you Mrs. Beardsley? Or perhaps Miss Beardsley?” No more than twenty-five, I thought, in spite of the bulk of her swaddled figure. Her shoulders swelled fatly under her shawl, and the width of her hips brushed the barrels she stood between. Evidently trade with the Cherokee was sufficiently profitable to keep Beardsley’s family in adequate food, if not his bond servants. I eyed her with some dislike, but she met my gaze coolly enough. “I am Mrs. Beardthley.”

~ The Fiery Cross

[grace-writes-shit]

I Found You (Bucky Barnes X Rogers!Reader)

Words: 4.1k

Warnings/Themes: Angst! Character death, abduction, torture, human experimentation, allusions to PTSD, depression, thoughts of wanting to be unalived

Characters/Pairings: 40s!Bucky Barnes x Rogers!Reader, Steve Rogers, Peggy Carter (Mentioned), Howling Commandos (Mentioned)

misspygmypie asked:

Hello 🥰 I saw your request post and figured I'd send something in. I've had this idea for years, and it would be fun to read it!

You know when Steve finds and rescues Bucky at Hydra in the first movie? What if it's reader who they're rescuing and Hydra did some experiments on. Maybe she's Steves sister and they wanted to get to him through her and obviously Bucky has a thing for her lol 🥰

A/N: Sincerest apologies for taking so long to get this up. I've been taking on extra duties at work since my partner got fired and things have been super crazy since it's end of quarter. it also hasn't been the best for my mental health, so writing had been a struggle. probably why this ended up being so dang angsty. Sorry. Adulting seriously sucks. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Rain pattered gently on the canvas walls of the medical tent, while boots splashed noisily in the mud it created. Outside of the tent, she could hear the daily drills going on, soldiers training, and officers shouting commands. Her own fellow nurses milled about the tent, tending to wounded soldiers or doing other daily chores. It was a quiet day for the 107th Infantry Regiment.

“Alright, Private Richards, try not to go sticking your hand into random holes again. I doubt the next rabbit will be so kind.” Nimble fingers began tidying up the bloodied cotton balls and gauze used to clean and wrap the boy’s hand. 18 years old, you would think he’d know better than to stick his hand in holes in the ground.

“Yes, First Lieutenant, ma’am…” The boy grabbed his jacket and sulked out of the med tent. She laughed to herself as she watched him go. Knowing him, he’d be back soon enough. Not unlike his Sergeant, who wandered in a few moments later, a lazy smirk on his lips.

James Buchanan Barnes. Or as she’s known for most of her life, Bucky. The charming Sergeant was her older brother’s best friend, having been around since she was small. They were all thick as thieves, hardly seen without one of the others.

It may or may not have been a blessing to constantly have Bucky around. He was kind, funny, and took good care of her and her brother. However, other boys and men didn’t seem too eager to get to know her with him hanging at her shoulder. It’s even worse now with Steve being triple the size he was a year ago.

Occasionally, a brave soul will strike up the nerve to enter the medical tent and ask her out to the nearest town for a drink and a dance. But Bucky had uncanny timing. He always popped up just as she was about to answer.

“Now, a pretty face like that shouldn’t look so angry.” A voice sounded in her ear. A startled gasp escaped her and her hands fumbled the tools she had been organizing. Bucky caught a pair of forceps before they could hit the floor.

“James! You nearly gave me a heart attack!” She admonished him with a firm smack on the shoulder. He chuckled and rubbed the sore spot.

“Ow, careful there, doll. Gonna take my arm off with that strength.”

“Oh please, it’ll take a lot more than that to get rid of you.” She spun out of his reach when he tried to grab her arm. A small smile graced her lips as she made a final spin to face him. “Did you need something, Bucky?”

“What, I can’t come see my best girl just because I want to?

 “I know your troop is supposed to be running the course right now, so no you can’t just come see me because you want to,” she said while gesturing for him to sit on the cot in the corner or her station. “Now, what mess did you get yourself into to be sent here?”

“You know me so well, Darlin’,” he whispered wistfully, smiling up at her with those big blues. He wore a dopey smile as he presented his cut left hand. She pursed her lips and tried to fight the blush rising to her cheeks. Damn him.

Stepping closer, she took his calloused hand into her softer one and observed the cut. It wasn’t too deep but still needed to be cleaned and dressed.

“What happened?” She remained in between his legs as she prepped some alcohol and gauze. His right hand toyed with the fabric of her skirt. With a narrowed look, she smacked the back of it.

“Just a climbing exercise; a nail was sticking out of the wall and caught my hand.” His voice was hushed as she worked. She hummed and began cleaning the wound. He hissed and jerked his hand back. With eyes rolling, the nurse grabbed his hand more firmly.

“You big baby.”

“Your big baby.” She smacked his arm again.

<><>

Gunshots fired all around her, men shouting and screaming. Some in pain, some as a battle cry. But all she could think about was how gentle Bucky’s hands had been in hers. And how much she wished it was his hands on her right now.

But larger, rougher hands now tore at her. Pushing and pulling. She screamed from behind her gag and her hands strained against the restraints. Black boots kicked out at her captors as she fought like a feral cat. She twisted this way and that, anything to loosen their grip on her. But against four burly men, she didn’t stand a chance.

She guessed they had gotten tired of her struggling because a blunt weapon struck the back of her head and she fell limp to the ground.

It was cold. Colder than she had ever been. The air was damp, making the ache in her lungs worse. Blurry eyes peeled open. The room she sat in was dark, only a green-tinted light on the other side of the room illuminated the space. Its murky light cast deep shadows around the room that seemed to move. Her head lolled to the side as one shadow moved closer.

Ah, not shadows. Men. Hydra.

“Good evening, Miss Rogers.” His voice was heavily accented and polite. Nothing like what you’d imagine a torturer or murderer to sound like. “I am honored to have Captain America’s sister as my guest.”

She groaned. The gag was no longer wrapped around her mouth, but her tongue felt like lead. Thoughts struggled to focus and grasp what this man was saying.

“Such a shame, a First Lieutenant, Chief Nurse, so much promise in your future. But because of your brother, you’ll never get to meet that future. We have another one much better suited for you.”

His words floated through her mind but didn’t stick. She was a nurse… She helps people. Why was she here? There were soldiers at camp that needed her. Bucky needed her…

“..ucky…” She slurred, drool dribbling from the corner of her mouth. Her bones felt heavier than lead and her muscles were like the slop served at breakfast. The shadows at the edge of her vision danced ever closer.

“Don’t worry, my dear, you’ll forget the pain soon.”

<><> 

Bucky tore through the camp, Steve hot on his heels. His blue eyes roved over the multitude of bodies and injured, searching for that familiar head of hair. Always done up so prettily. Like last week when she was bandaging up his hand. Her nails were painted red, and her hair was twisted up into a flawless bun. Her red-painted lips smiled warmly at him. Fear gripped his heart at the idea that he would never see that smile again.

“Bucky, stop!” Steve clamped a hand on his best friend’s shoulder, forcing the Sergeant to a stop. It wouldn’t do his sister any good if they lost their heads. As much as he wanted to tear the whole world apart until his sister was safe, he knew that reckless actions could get her killed. If she wasn’t dead already…

“She’s – she’s gone, Steve. Where is she!?” Bucky spun to face Steve, his eyes wide and slightly crazed. He can’t lose her. He never got to take her on a date. Never got to hold her close and confess how deeply and fervently he love her. Bucky bit down on his lip to stop its wobble. He can’t cry, not yet. Not while there’s still a possibility she’s out there.

“I know. I know, Buck. We’ll get her back. No matter what.”

Footsteps rushed up to the pair. A soldier stopped in front of them, slightly out of breath. “A-a letter for you, sir. It-it has the hydra insignia.”

Upon reading the contents, Steve and Bucky took off to Colonel Phillips' tent. The older man sat at a desk, signing letters to the families of the deceased and missing. Steve hardly gave the man time to put his pen down before requesting a team to rescue the captured. He decided to leave out the fact that he was only doing this to get his sister back.

“I understand the heroic need to save the day, but those who have been taken prisoner are far behind enemy lines and we don’t have the manpower or resources to conduct a rescue mission.” Phillips’ response was expected, but it didn’t stop Bucky’s jaw from clenching or his hands from balling into fists.

The Colonel looked at the two young men standing in front of him. He knew exactly why they wanted to go. Only a fool would think that Captain America wouldn’t move heaven and earth for the younger Rogers. An even bigger fool wouldn’t see the lovesick look every time James Barnes was near her, or the way his gaze follows her as she walks across the base.

Phillips sighed heavily, digging through a stack of letters yet to be signed. First Lieutenant Y/N Rogers. MIA.

Steve took the letter with shaking hands. Bucky felt a tear roll down his cheek.

They were dismissed and the two trudged away. A silent look was exchanged and they agreed. They would go after her with or without permission.

<><> 

“…name… Rogers…” Chapped lips mumbled her name over and over again. A tired mind determined to hold on to herself. Don’t forget. Don’t forget. “…Y/N… Rogers…”

“Y/N?” A voice hissed.

“Y/N/N?” A different voice, closer this time.

“Steve! She’s here!” The buckles around her wrists and ankles fell off one by one. Warm, calloused hands that she dreamed about cupped her face. She groaned and willed the fog from her brain. These hands. Bucky’s hands.

“Buck…” She croaked, red lipstick smudged, and once pristine hair hanging limply around her face. His smile brightened the shadows in her vision. Steve had joined them and helped her sit up.

“Hey, doll. What’s a pretty girl like you doing in a place like this?” Giving her a watery smile, he pushed the hair from her face. The cheap line earned him a weak chuckle.

“Oh, what any girl does in a place like this,” she responded. Together, the two men helped her to her feet. The room pitched suddenly, her legs giving out under her. Whatever they had given her made her legs weak.

“Guess you make me a little weak in the knees,” she joked as Bucky swept her into his arms. She tucked her head into his neck, leaning heavily into him. Steve carefully led the way out, checking around corners and taking out any enemy soldiers that they crossed paths with.

Eventually, the trio made it out of the now-burning building. A mass of freed soldiers met them and together the company fought their way back to their camp. Bucky cradled her close to his chest the entire time. He stuck close to Steve, letting him take the punches. Steve didn’t mind.

For almost two weeks she was laid up in a cot in the medical tent. It was strange, in the years that she had been an army nurse, she had been the one giving care. She had never been the patient. And the patient of her subordinates, no less.

Her closer friends teased her that she was a horrible patient. Their teasing helped ease the residual anxiety and adrenaline from her ordeal. But what had really helped, was Bucky’s constant presence. During meal time and recreation time, he would come to visit her in the medical tent. Steve would drop by as well, but it was mostly Bucky.

As the days passed, Bucky seemed more and more nervous, however. Like he had something to say, just on the tip of his tongue. Sometimes, when he maybe thought she wasn’t looking, she caught him looking guilty. She hoped beyond hope that he didn’t blame himself for what had happened.

“You’re cleared to return to light duty, First Lieutenant,” Second Lieutenant Fredricks said with a smile.

The first few days of light duty were spent organizing and assisting. Then after a week, she was cleared to begin training again. Nurses didn’t necessarily need to do the drills the men did, but it didn’t mean they couldn’t. She also preferred to stay in shape and to keep her skills from going rusty.

Growing up with her brother being bullied, Y/N learned how to defend not only herself but Steve, as well. The elder Rogers sibling didn’t care for her fighting but he did appreciate that in a pinch, she could defend herself.

In the early morning, dressed in a pair of trousers and a simple shirt, Y/N makes her way to the track. A run should be light enough.

She could make out the tall frames of Steve and Bucky amongst the other men getting ready for their morning run. Bucky smiled as she approached.

“Hey, how’s it going? You sure you’re okay to be running?” Bucky brushed his hand over hers when she stopped in front of him. The touch made her stomach flutter but she smiled confidently at him.

“Actually, I’ve never felt better. I’m tired of being cooped up in the med tent for so long.” She bent to tighten her boots’ laces. Bucky shrugged and patted her shoulder, teasingly telling her to not fall behind. She scoffed and took off after the troops in a light jog.

Steve and Bucky kept pace with her, both worrying she might become too tired and collapse. Their hovering and not-so-subtle glances did not go unnoticed by her. Irritation settled quickly in her bones. She wasn’t some fragile flower. Just because something bad happened to her doesn’t mean she going to break at any moment.

Spurred by anger, her legs moved faster on their own accord. Steve glanced at his best friend as they sped up to match. Soon, the three of them were overtaking the other troops. Bucky was breathing heavily as they passed the frontman, now in a full sprint.

“W-wait!” He panted as the two Rogers siblings were now racing down the path. How was she running that fast!? How wasn’t she tired? Her smaller frame broke past Steve, who was now struggling to keep up.

The younger Rogers didn’t even notice the concerned and shocked looks she was receiving. The wind rushing in her ears and the trees blurring in her vision was all she could focus on. She felt like she was flying; her feet barely touching the ground. She felt free.

She burst into the clearing at the end of their running trail, the morning sun warming her wind-chilled skin. The grass kicked up as she skidded to a halt. A laugh erupted from her, her head light with adrenaline and awe. Then reality sunk in.

Bucky and Steve broke through the tree line a few minutes later.

“Y/N!”

She turned to look at them, her brows scrunched together and lips forming a thin line.

“They did this to me…” She murmured, gazing turning down at her clenched fists. She had thought she was feeling so good because she survived Hydra’s torment. How quickly this revelation brought her down. They poked and prodded, injected, and dissected. They had changed her.

“Doll?” Bucky approached her slowly, hands out in front of him. Seeing her lip wobble had his heart shattering in him. Throwing caution to the wind, he wrapped his arms around her. She buried her face in his chest, drowning her sobs in the rough fabric of his shirt. Her brother stood beside them, rubbing his hand over her shoulders.

“I’ve got ya, sweets. I got ya,” Bucky muttered into her hair. “We’re gonna figure this out. It’ll be okay.”

Lord, he hoped he was telling the truth.

<><> 

Months went by as she adjusted to her new abilities. After she discovered her inhuman speed, she quickly learned she was inhumanly strong. Not as strong as her brother, but definitely stronger than any other man in the camp.

She began training with the men, easily laying anyone flat during sparring. Even Steve struggled against her. While he surpassed her in strength, she made it up in speed and agility. She had been given the moniker of Lady Liberty once the higher-ups found out.

But despite the usefulness of these abilities. She couldn’t help but feel violated. Every night she woke up in a cold sweat, dreaming of their cold instruments and icy laughter. More than once she ended up in the clearing from months before.

Each time she made it out there, Bucky wasn’t far behind. He held her as he had back then, whispering comforting words and stroking her hair. This night began no differently than the others. They sat in the middle of the clearing, the half-moon illuminated above their heads.

“I’m sorry, Bucky… You don’t have to come out here with me every night.” She sniffled, wiping her tears from her cheeks. She was settled in between his stretched-out legs, her own draped over one of his thighs. He shook his head and sighed.

“I don’t mind, Doll. Really.” Soft lips pressed against her temple. “Unless you tell me to go, I won’t leave your side. I can’t.”

Shining eyes looked up into his baby blues. She had never felt so safe and protected as she did in Bucky’s arms. Even though she could easily kick his butt in a fight, she knew he would fight tooth and nail for her. And she would burn down the world for him.

There was no doubt in her mind as she pressed her lips to his. He sighed against her as he deepened the kiss, pulling her closer by the waist. Everything clicked into place with this kiss. They had been dancing around this thing between them for years, neither willing to take the leap and possibly lose what they already had.

But the feeling of her lips on his, the taste of her on his tongue had him bitterly regretting not doing this sooner. How many kisses could they have had? How many dates and late nights have they missed? He sure had a lot of time to make up.

“I love you, Y/N.” His breath fanned across the skin of her neck as his kiss-swollen lips brushed along it.

“I love you, James.”

<><> 

Over the next two years, the Howling Commandos slowly but surely made their way through the Hydra bases. First Lieutenant Rogers led alongside her brother, Captain Rogers. Not only as extra muscle, but as a nurse, and occasionally, spy. Bucky didn’t like the idea of his girl being ogled by slimy nazi men, but she convinced him that no one would expect a woman to be a super soldier.

She would infiltrate their meetings as a piece of eye candy, acquiring information as needed and then arresting the men as she saw fit.

But this particular mission didn’t require revealing dresses or sultry makeup. Rather, she wore a winter coat and combat boot with reinforced soles. The speed that she ran quickly ate through nearly all of her shoes.

The Commandos were all situated on a cliff overlooking another with a set of train tracks. They were waiting on the train carrying Doctor Zola. Glove-covered hands clenched at her side. Doctor Zola. One of the men who had turned her into this. Turned her into a weapon.

Bucky’s heavy hand wrapped around her waist and pulled her to his side. His soft lips brushed against her temple.

“It’s gonna be okay,” he reassured. “We go in, kick some ass, and then get out. Easy.”

She chuckled and pressed a kiss to his waiting lips. The other men had the decency to look away from the couple.

“Alright, lovebirds, let’s get a move on.” Steve’s voice called out from the edge of the cliff.

She scoffed at her brother and kissed her sergeant once more. “See you on the other side, tiger.”

<><> 

Things were going south very quickly. Hydra had more gun power than she had thought. A huge man with bigger guns than himself stood in the doorway to their car. His guns glowed blue as they powered up.

Steve shoved both his sister and Bucky behind him, holding up his shield. The blast had her teeth rattling in her skull, her body flying back further than the boys. The impact of her head hitting the metal floor caused stars to dance in her vision.

She could barely comprehend the cold rush of air from the massive hole in the side of the train. And before she could gather herself, the man was priming another shot, pointed directly at her. Shaking legs tried to bare her weight as she scrambled for her gun.

Bucky had gathered himself faster than her or her brother, so she could only watch as he picked up Steve’s shield and fired a few shots at the enemy. A scream ripped from her throat when blue light shot out at her sergeant.

Bucky went flying, the shield in the other direction. Both the Rogers siblings jumped into action. Steve went for the shield, quickly taking out the other man. She leaped for the hole in the wall of the train that Bucky had flown out of.

Her eyes widened with horror as she gazed upon the man she loved, hanging on for dear life to the crumbling handrails.

“Bucky! Hold on!” She reached out to him, trying to find her footing to get to him and pull him to safety. The look in his eyes was one she had never seen on him before. Blue eyes wide with fear, his mouth poised in a silent scream. And as his fingers brushed against hers, tips barely able to curl around each other, he was gone.

His scream was joined by hers. The image of him falling to his death will forever be ingrained in her mind. It’ll be the last thing on her mind as she goes to sleep and the first one when she wakes up. It’ll be there when she fights her way through Hydra soldiers, and as she sends her fist straight into Johann Schmidt’s ugly, red face.

Steve worried about his sister’s mental health since that day. She had retreated into herself. Long gone was the witty and strong woman he knew. His sister, who had always been so bright, had been replaced by someone who only knew how to fight.

She only spoke to give orders or to communicate during battle. Her words were always clipped and to the point; no room for banter or sarcasm. The icy wall she had built around herself was all to conceal the torment her mind tortured her with.

If only she had been stronger, maybe she wouldn’t have been down for so long. If she had been faster, she could have reached him before he fell. If she had been better, maybe he wouldn’t have died. Every moment was filled with these thoughts. Awake or not. It was all she could think about.

Eventually, she became too tired. She fought with everything she had; Bucky at least deserved that. She wouldn’t give up simply because it would mean he died in vain. However, with each new opponent, she could help but wish that this one would be stronger than her.

No opponent was ever stronger than her. Until now.

It wasn’t a person that she now faced her death with. But a plane filled with explosives. Schmidt was gone, as was the Tesseract. Now, she and her brother faced the cracked windows of the plane. She tried to keep her lip from trembling as Steve spoke with Peggy.

Even if she hadn’t gotten her happy ending, she had wished her big brother would have gotten his. Tear-filled eyes opened when she felt a hand come to rest on hers. Steve’s face was solemn as he spoke.

“I’ve gotta put it in the water.” He was half telling Peggy and half asking for permission from his sister. It wasn’t just his life going down for millions of others, but his little sister’s, too. The siblings shared a weighty look before she nodded.

Lady Liberty listened quietly as Captain America spoke with Agent Carter. No.

Y/N listened brokenheartedly as her big brother said his goodbyes to the woman he loved and who loved him in return.

And as Steve redirected the plane to the icy terrain below, she closed her eyes and imagined the warm hands of her love. His blue fire eyes and easy grin. The feel of his lips against hers. The sound of her name on his tongue.

I’m coming, Bucky.

[cherrylng]

The Resistance Interview [STYLE Series #004 - Muse (August 2010)]

Rock is supposed to be uplifting. It's the kind of thing that makes you feel okay about taking on the world, and I wanted to get that part of me back.

The three members of Muse have never hesitated to take their music to a level of expression that would normally be considered “a little too far,” and have always delivered music that is supremely dramatic, hilariously moving, and never betrays us. What is Matthew's intention for “The Resistance,” a masterpiece that combines the experimental and the popular, the highbrow and the vulgar? Before the album's release, Matthew carefully answered our questions about the background of the lyrics and sound-making of the album.

Muse - Matthew Bellamy - The Resistance / Author: Craig Mclean/ Lucy McGregor / Norbert Pek / ©IFA-Amsterdam, 2010 Translation by Aki Tamura

With their 2006 album “Black Holes and Revelations,” the three members of Muse took a step or two forward from the influences of 90's alternative guitar bands and the dramatic, symphonic production of Queen, and created a unique world where progressive rock experimentation and pop sensibilities coexist beautifully. The three members have created a world that only Muse can create. With their success in the U.S., they became more and more confident and finally started to work on a self-produced album. The fifth album they completed, titled “The Resistance,” is both challenging and dramatic. The lyrics evoke images even more than the previous album, and the sound is larger in scale. The result is a work that combines the richness and dynamism of a stadium live performance with the subtlety and literacy of a literary element.

Here is an interview with Matthew Bellamy about “The Resistance” conducted prior to “A Seaside Rendezvous,” Muse's triumphant outdoor show held on September 4th and 5th, 2009, in their hometown of Teignmouth. The following are Matthew's remarks by theme from the same interview about “The Resistance”.

Matthew Bellamy laughs, “Whenever the electrician here comes over, he always brings a T-shirt and a CD.” 31-year old Matthew James Bellamy has just finished dinner at his mother's house in Plymouth, Devon. The mailbox at his parents' house is full of letters from local fans and school alumni in anticipation of Marilyn (Matthew's mother) telling her celebrity son to give it to him to read. Matthew is back in England for band rehearsals and currently resides in Lake Como, Italy (perhaps Nick Chester is a neighbor?) — he was very happy to be there. Chris Wolstenholme (bassist for Muse) had called about two hours earlier to inform him that after some political wrangling, permission had finally been granted for a two-day triumphant return to the Teignmouth Den, an outdoor venue in this small country town where the band used to frequent. The news was good.

“We had a meeting with the town council today,” Matthew explains. “This is the first time we've ever done a proper show in town. We're very happy to finally get permission to do this. We've never played there before. It's a tiny little town in the middle of nowhere, with not a single venue for a live show. But there was a really cool square by the beach, and as kids we always thought it would be great to play there someday. And that someday is finally here,” he said, his voice rising with emotion.

In order to get permission for the gig, Chris had to go directly to the town council to make the case for the band's position on the occasion of the first public performance of songs from their fifth album, "The Resistance."

"He thought he was the right person for the job, because he's lived here all his life, and neither I nor Dom (Dominic Howard, drummer) live here anymore," Matthew explains. "He did a great job of getting a lot of his local friends and fans together, and he did a really good job of making the case." Does that mean that every single one of Matthew's nostalgic old school friends will be there on the day of the gig?

"No doubt about it," he chuckled. "Shortly after that, three letters arrived at my mum's house, all saying, “Please, can you get us tickets?” I think the venue there can accommodate about 7,000 people, but I guess half of them will be treated as guests." (In fact, one Internet post about the gig even pleaded, “My husband taught at Teignmouth Community College for 34 years and just recently retired…. I would love to get us tickets so that he can see his former students in their finest hour of glory. Could someone please help me?")

Twelve years after leaving town, and fifteen years after forming the band in high school (although the original band name, “Rocket Baby Dolls,” has been abandoned out of embarrassment in the meantime), Muse is finally making a triumphant return to their old hometown. "The Resistance" is arguably the band's most ambitious work to date, and that's saying a lot for a band whose sound is a blend of arena-style rock anthems, epic space rock, and grand futuristic sensibilities.

Some have mocked the band's emphasis on showmanship over songwriting, and have criticized Muse as stuck in a time warp. But fans and most critics agree that they are currently the best live act in the world.

“We've always been interested in the polarity of things. We like to go back and forth between the two extremes. It's a roller coaster journey full of peaks and valleys.”

The mix of classical and progressive hit patterns and uplifting riffs is simply irresistible fun. Recorded for the first time in the band's own studio in Italy without any help from a producer, The Resistance opens with its first single, “Uprising”. Matthew sings of his love of conspiracy theories — "They'll try to, push drugs that keep us all dumbed down/And hope that we will never see the truth around" as his voice chants "Hey!" like a football field chant on every snare. It's the same kind of love that drives the album's title track (“Love is our resistance/They'll keep us apart and they won't stop breaking us down”) and the 80s pop-tinged of “Undisclosed Desires” (“I want to reconcile the violence in your heart”), is a familiar theme in Muse's songs. The glam guitar solo of “MK Ultra” is followed by the smooth piano pop of “I Belong to You (+Mon cœur s'ouvre à ta voix)” (the latter part of the title is a reference from the opera “Samson and Delilah”). With a romantic piano accompaniment, Matt sings sweetly, “I can't find the words to say/When I'm confused/I've traveled half the world to say /"You are my muse"”…… The song then builds to an epic, choir-driven musical climax. Even more surprisingly, “United States of Eurasia,” reminiscent of Queen's rock opera, rivals “Knights of Cydonia” in terms of sheer scale.

—In “The Resistance,” there is a frequent contrast between ��us” and “them.” For example, in “Uprising,” you sing, “They will not force us/They will stop degrading us/They will not control us/We will be victorious.” As a rather wealthy and socially successful young man, who is “us” and who is “them”? Matthew: (laughs) The first one especially, that's a real “us” and “them” song.

—I know you like well-made conspiracy suspense stuff……. Matthew: Yeah, I love all that stuff. But the funny thing is, there are much more gruesome things going on in the real world these days than that stuff. Like the whole damn banks and MPs thing (supposedly alluding to the big scandal that has recently come to light in the UK (2009) where several MPs have been charged for obscure expenses). There is a level of depravity and corruption going on in our government and in our banks that the average citizen would find hard to believe. These two institutions are supposed to be serving us, but it turns out that they have been ripping us off with impunity. This is not a fantasy, this is a very real event, it is not a conspiracy or anything like that. Oh, in a way, I'm expressing my vague disappointment here. The moment I realized that corruption still exists. Maybe that's “them” and “us” is everyone else who has to pay for it.

—Now, are you satisfied with the quality of “The Resistance”? Matthew: Pretty good, yeah. I think we hit the nail on the head with this album. We took a bit of a gamble. We did some things we've never done before. We weren't sure how it would be received, but it seems that most people like it. The order of the songs on this album is pretty much in the same order as we recorded them.

—I was just about to check that out. I mean, the progression of the album is like the unfolding of a movie. There's a lot of action, and then it converges into a big circle. I don't think it's strictly a concept album, but did you have a concept behind the whole thing? Matthew: Yeah, I had some ideas. I had the opportunity to re-read "1984" (George Orwell's novel), and I think everyone knows the content of that book, but this time I wanted to take a look at the background behind the so-called political unrest and problematic elements in that book. I was really drawn to the romantic tragedy part of it. I wanted to give the same kind of feeling to "The Resistance," but with a modern political context. "Uprising" incorporates many events that are currently happening around the world. We recorded the song as we were writing it. As you can hear when you listen to it, we're picking up right where we left off musically with the rhythmic chants of "we're all working together against them" kind of thing. The first two songs on the album are probably what people expect from us. But from there, the album starts to get weirder and weirder.

Picture: The three members at the 35th annual O2 Silver Clef Award presented by Nordoff Robbins, a British charity that provides music therapy to people with illnesses and disabilities, on July 2, 2010. Presenters were Brian May & Roger Taylor of Queen. The charity auction included signed guitars. pic: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

—Perhaps new listeners will respond more directly to the second half of the album. Did you intend to be clear about how you wanted to start and end the album? Matthew: We have always been a band interested in the polarities of things. For example, one person might be singing, and then all of a sudden everyone is singing. It's like a raw solo voice and then all of a sudden it switches to a loud choir……. Something very subtle to very loud, or something loud and flashy to very restrained and subtle all at once. We always like to move back and forth between these extremes, and we are attracted to that kind of thing. Why we are attracted to such things is still a mystery to me. It's like a roller coaster ride of peaks and valleys, where you get your hopes up and then you get dropped with a thud, and so on and so forth. But I think the ending of the album is quite interesting. It's a quiet, understated ending.

—It's different from your usual approach, isn't it? Matthew: No, it's not.

—You will be making your triumphant return to your hometown in a short time, and you already have tour dates lined up for the rest of the year? Matthew: Yeah, it's a tight schedule through the summer. It starts with a gig in Plymouth, then a gig in my hometown, and it goes on and on from there. Most of them are short TV stuff, like the one we just did in the US for MTV. Then we'll do a few in Berlin and Paris as a meet and greet. But the real tour will be with U2. We're going to tour the U.S. with them for a couple of weeks. It's going to be interesting (laughs). Our main tour will start after that. The U2 tour will be a warm-up for us to get back in gear and also to see their shows up close and see how they do it…….

—Do you mean "The Claw" (as U2's ‘360° Tour’ set is nicknamed is a huge steel structure that looks like a claw. It's a four-legged set of steel claw-like frames, 40-60 meters high)? Matthew: “The Claw”, yes, I'm looking forward to seeing that. Our tour will start after that and last until December. We are hoping to play the Big Day Out (an outdoor festival in Australia) if possible.

—Tell us about “United States of Eurasia”. It has a cool Queen-style break and strings that remind me of Led Zeppelin's “Kashmir,” with Muse's signature subtle touch. What criteria do you use to decide if you want to go too far or not? What is “too much” for Muse? Matthew: We are very self conscious as to whether or not we have gone too far. The song “The only one!” (the part of the multi-track with the “Bohemian Rhapsody”-style vocals) can be found at …… I think anyone can't help but pump their fist in the air in a Freddie Mercury pose when they sing that one (laughs). But when we were working in the studio, we were totally aware of that. We thought, "Let's look back at what we've done with the past albums." Not that this is the case with all of our albums, but we've tried a few times in the past to keep the flow from going too melodramatic or extreme. It happened once.

—Really? Because I think Muse has always been melodramatic enough (laughs). Matthew: For this album, we produced it ourselves, so there was no one telling us what to do. So we thought, “Why not? We should have fun and laugh our hearts out!"And that's what we did, and that's how it turned out.

—I'm wondering if your theatrical side is well received in the U.S.A.? To be honest, I have the impression that Muse's popularity there has so far not reached the same level as in the UK, etc……. Is that situation changing already? Are big mouths working to your advantage, or is it the other way around? Matthew: Well, I would say that the tables have turned now. Apparently, people in the U.S. like that stuff more than people in the U.K. In the U.K., there is a kind of saturation of rock music with those elements. Queen, Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, etc., have a history of that kind of thing. But I don't think people are sick of it. They're much more interested in what's going on right now. Whereas in the U.S., and maybe even in Australia, that aspect of music exists more as something to be genuinely enjoyed. It's an element that has been missing from rock music in the past 5 or 10 years. The music of the 90's took itself too seriously and became very serious, and sometimes lost all interest. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but I don't want to forget that rock music is supposed to be fun. Rock music is supposed to be uplifting. It makes you feel like you can take on the world. I wanted to bring that back.

—Another unprecedented change in “The Resistance” is the very frankness of your feelings, especially in the latter half of the album. Is the song “Undisclosed Desires” a direct reflection of your relationship with your girlfriend? You've never written a song that was so public about your private life, have you? Matthew: Yeah, that's something that I've been wondering about for a long time. Personally, I don't like songwriters who bring their “domestic life” into their songs. I get bored listening to them. That song is certainly …… Well, it's not totally domestic, but there's a lot of personal stuff in it. I think that's one of the things I'm testing myself on. I don't know if I'm really ready to bring that kind of element to Muse... But on the other hand, publicly revealing what's going on with my family, my best friend, or my girlfriend in a way that is clearly recognizable is not what I want to do. Of course, I'm sure those things are in the songs, but I try to put them in a different cloak so that they're not obvious at first glance. Sometimes I make them more graphic than they really are, and sometimes I put a melodramatic spin on them, depending on how I use pronouns. Conversely, depending on the context in which it is placed, it is possible to tell a more open story about oneself. Sometimes I really let it all hang out in the lyrics. In the end, you have to cut out your true feelings. It's a strange contradiction, a strange paradox. If I say, “This is a story about me and my girlfriend,” then of course I'm limited in what I can say. But if I put myself in a different scenario, for example, on this album, I can use the dramatic political backdrop to create a romance…… With that kind of setting, I can explore a lot of ideas without having to be so honest.

"Up until now, we had been holding back the flow to prevent it from going too melodramatic."

—To be honest, how well do you think your fans know you? Do you feel any familiarity with them? Matthew: Well, when I think back to when I used to listen to records and go to concerts of various bands, I feel a certain closeness to the bands I follow because I feel like I'm in direct contact with their thoughts and feelings. It's an extraordinary experience for the fans. We throw a lot of stuff at them on stage. Our fans probably know a little bit about me, and maybe that makes them feel like they know me better than someone in my family, and maybe they feel closer to me. But having said that, my family knows a completely different side of me than they do. There are many sides to people, aren't there? I think that when you put that kind of multifaceted humanity into music, you feel an undeniable connection between the sender and the receiver. I feel that when I play. I feel very close to the people who are watching me. I feel great that they are there to see me, and I feel great that they are seeing what we are expressing, which can only be experienced in that moment, in that place. It's really great.

—You performed with an orchestra in the three-part symphony “Exogenesis.” What was it like to hear a song you wrote played in that way? Matthew: I was surprised and extremely nervous (laughs). I thought, "They're going to laugh, they're going to think it's so cheesy and rudimentary." Because they usually spend their time playing masterpieces by really great composers. But it turned out very well, and I really enjoyed the recording process from start to finish. I had the opportunity to work with the entire orchestra, and finally made some last-minute changes to the score to get a better idea of what they were capable of. It was a great experience. It was amazing to hear my own compositions played by so many people. It was an experience like nothing else.

“I re-read 1984 shortly before we started work on the album. I wanted to do something that was more relevant to our time, not something based on a dream.”

—Now, I'm very interested in how you will reproduce the songs from this album live. Maybe with an orchestra in the background? Matthew: I was seriously thinking about doing a live show. But just last week we started rehearsing and realized that Dom, Chris, and I could do our parts surprisingly easily. We have a fourth member who plays with us, Morgan (Nicholls), who plays synthesizer, keyboards, and piano parts as needed. We basically just leave it to him and say, “Take care of this!" So he is in a panic even as I speak, because he has to play all those symphony parts on the keyboards, hahaha. Well, I will probably have to use more samples and electronics than before, but I'd rather play a live version than just reproduce the studio version as is. However, I still don't know if I will play “Exogenesis” live or not, or if I will include it in my regular set. Maybe only at festivals. We want to add a little fun to the show.

[About the lyrics.] —What kind of work did you have in mind for “The Resistance”? Matthew: I had read “1984” once when I was a teenager (Editor's note: A novel by British author George Orwell published in 1949. In Japan, a new translation of “1984” by Kazuhisa Takahashi was published by Hayakawa epi Bunko in 2009 and attracted a great deal of attention.), but at the time it didn't leave me with any particular impression. I happened to have a chance to read it again shortly before I started working on this album. I was watching all the news that was going on in the world right now, such as the economic crisis, the banking crisis, and the embezzlement scandal of a member of the House of Commons (in the U.K.)……. I wanted to make an album that was more closely related to the reality of the times we are living in, and not something based on a dream.

—In the lyrics of “Uprising”, you use the word “they” frequently. For example, there is a line “they want to control us,” but who are these “they”? Matthew: People who listen to the album can interpret the meaning however they like. I know who “they” are in “Uprising,” but the interesting thing is that it can be very different depending on the situation. For example, if you are in the resistance, you may feel that the police are trying to forcefully suppress you. Then “they” would be the police. Or perhaps the protagonist lives in China, where freedom is being taken away by a communist regime. Well, that could be any government. But what strikes me as particularly strong is what is called “corporate fundamentalism.” In other words, the industrial system that rules the world. Power is concentrated in the hands of a handful of large corporations, maybe even the magazine you are writing about is owned by one of them. They own TV stations, and sometimes they control all the natural resources of an entire country. They are so powerful, sometimes more powerful than the government. When I say "they", I mean those people. They are the ones who create economic crises.

—In “The Resistance,” you sound as if you're scared of something. You say you are concerned about whether your secret is safe and that you can't trust anyone. Matthew: I definitely have paranoid schizophrenic tendencies. But anyway, I saw on the news that there is a big scandal in the UK about government spending, and there is a movement against government policy. People have decided not to support the current government anymore. There are wars going on all over the place, and most English people want nothing to do with them. I began to think that this whole situation could be the subject of an album, so I started doing some research. First, I went back to 1984. I was very impressed with the love story in that book. It's a very tragic story. The lyrics of "The Resistance" were very much inspired by the love story in "1984".

—The album closes with the three-part symphony “Exogenesis. It seems that the title was taken from a new theory about the creation of mankind……………… Matthew: The original idea for “Exogenesis” has been around since our third album. The dazzling piano part in part 2 was something I kept messing around with while we were working on “Absolution”. But at the time, it just didn't seem like it would work for a rock band, so I ended up throwing it away, but the song itself was inspired by that theory. The lyrics are minimal. The song is based on a fictional sci-fi movie that I imagined in my head, part one of which follows an end-of-the-world scenario, a nightmarish hellscape where everything comes to an end. In Part 1, a few astronauts are selected and given the mission to take humanity somewhere beyond the cosmos in order to save the species. In part 2, we see them leave Earth with hopes and fears for the future. In Part 3, they arrive on an unknown planet and begin a new evolutionary process. But in the process of evolution, it is revealed that human DNA is moving through the universe in a certain cycle, and this time is no exception. The evolutionary bag is passed down through the generations, transported to various types of stars, and then dropped off. So that's what Part 3 is about.

"Up until now, there have always been some parts where we weren't sure if we were right, but now we have a firm sense of confidence."

[About the sound aspect] —Your previous album “Black Holes and Revelations” had quite a few heavy songs, such as “Take a Bow” and “Knights of Cydonia”. Did you feel like going a little lighter with “The Resistance” in light of that? Matthew: Well, there were songs that were kind of the cornerstone of the album's safety standards, and they became the first and second songs on the album. Those were the first two songs we recorded when we started the recording process, and the first songs we were happy with. They were what you would call standard Muse rock songs. We thought that because we had that song, we could explore other areas. Starting with a rock song, we felt we had to do something different and unusual. As work on the album progressed, we started doing weirder and weirder things. For example, “Undisclosed Desires” is an electronic song where I don't play anything but Chris plays slap (chopper) bass. Then there's “Exogenesis,” which has a classical influence and sounds like a 70's prog song. And we decided to make it a three-part symphony. So, I started out just trying to make a good song, but as I went along, I decided to try something a little more risqué. And each time I tried something new, I got more and more excited, and finally I decided to make a symphony.

—When and at what stage did you first decide to create a classical symphony format? Matthew: I had been playing some of the piano parts on that song for years, but it was never my intention to make it a Muse song. But when I played it to Dom and Chris, they liked it so much that we decided to give it a try. The best thing about this song was that we were able to work on it in our studio. We didn't have any time constraints, we didn't have any restrictions, so we were able to try out all the ideas we had and figure them out.

—Do you have to keep changing things up musically so that you don't get bored? Matthew: I think we are always looking for something exciting, something that will always stimulate us and make us feel like we have discovered something new. There's nothing better in life. Artists are always looking for something. Especially at milestones in one's life and at times of change in the world. When you are faced with these two things, you always want to try something different.

—But didn't you want to play that classical tune part earlier? Matthew: No, I wasn't planning on making it into a song. To me, it was just like a phrase to practice on the piano. I was just playing around with it. I didn't know how to incorporate bass and drums into it, much less guitars and orchestration. It was purely piano solo material. But for this album, I decided to make the piano part into something that could be played with the band.

―It sounds like it's more difficult than a "normal" song, but was it actually difficult to make? Matthew: It wasn't hard for me. Basically, whatever I'm comfortable with is relatively easy to understand. It just takes me a long time to get used to it. When you listen to Middle Eastern or Indian music, it seems very difficult to understand, but for the people who are actually making it, it's very simple. But when you try to explain it in words, it sounds very complicated. They use completely different sounds and scales than we normally use. But for them, it's not difficult at all. The strange thing about this album is that it is the easiest album we have ever made. And by easy, I mean that there was no doubt in our minds. With our previous albums, there was always a part of us that wasn't sure if we were doing the right thing. But now we have solid confidence. I think this is because we are comfortable with the style we have now. It's a pure Muse album, no outsiders, no record company, no management, no producers to impose their opinions. It is purely the work of me, Dom, and Chris.

—Was it difficult for you to record the album on your own? Matthew: People react in many different ways when they are thrown out on their own and told to do as they please. Some people are at a complete loss because they don't know what to do, while others, on the other hand, are motivated by a competitive spirit and work hard. We were pleasantly surprised to find that we were the latter.

—Your band members must have been surprised at times, too. This album contains not only classical music, but also French lyrics and electro-pop. It's quite a variety. Matthew: I don't know, maybe it's just a coincidence that we met in the same town, but we are musically compatible. Chris has always been open to different sounds. Dom is the same way. I think this kind of thing probably has an influence on what kind of town you were born and raised in, or what kind of childhood you had. I don't know. But I think our band has an openness to all kinds of things, and I think that creates an atmosphere that allows us to break away from the norm, even in terms of our feelings.

“When you've been working with an outsider's opinion for so long, it makes you want to re-evaluate what your pure, unadulterated form was like.”

—You have always been open about your influences. For example, on your last album you said you wanted to do something with Prince. Was the opening track “Uprising” on this album inspired by Goldfrapp? Matthew: No, no, no. Glam rock originated back in the 70's, with Gary Glitter and the like. There are definitely elements of glam rock from many different eras in this song. The most recent being the well-known Goldfrapp, who did an electronic version of glam rock. But have you heard of KLF? They have a song called “Doctor Who,” and “Uprising” was inspired by the synthesizer featured in that song (Note: KLF is the house unit of Bill Drummond and Jimmy Cauty. Matthew's reference to “Doctor Who” is actually “Doctorin' The Tardis,” which was released under the name The Timelords before they called themselves KLF, and is an unauthorized sampling of the theme song from the popular long-running BBC science fiction drama "Doctor Who." (The original song was created in 1963 and has been rearranged several times since then.)). The melody is very similar to “Doctor Who”. It's a combination of influences from Gary Glitter and “Doctor Who” and, yes, maybe a little bit of Goldfrapp. There are a lot of pop artists doing glam rock these days. Britney Spears did it on "Womanizer". However, we wanted to put a guitar in there, so in that sense it was a risky genre.

—Is this the first time you have recorded in Lake Como, Italy? Matthew: We had done the B-side of the single “Man of Mystery,” which was on the cover of NME many years ago. But this is the first time I've done a full album (“The Resistance”). It was also the first time I recorded an entire album from start to finish in the same studio. The only string part was done in a studio in Milan, but that only took two days. All the performances by me, Dom, and Chris were done in the same studio. With our previous albums, we had always moved from one live-in studio to another, so it was great to be able to settle down in one place and work with the acoustics of the room thoroughly.

—You (three) produced the album all by yourselves. This is also a first for Muse. Matthew: We really wanted to try it once, without any outside input, and let ourselves be free to do what we wanted to do. Of course, an objective point of view can be valuable, but after working with outside opinions for so long, we wanted to see what our pure, unadulterated form was like. That was my approach going into this album. I wanted to take a no-holds-barred approach to the music, both in terms of production and songwriting.

—The single “Uprising,” the album's title track, and “United States of Eurasia” are bold, large-scale, highly detailed rock songs, reminiscent of Queen at their peak. Were there any challenges in writing and recording these songs? Matthew: Most of the songs were a challenge in their own way. The first songs we recorded were “Uprising,” “Resistance,” and “MK Ultra,” which we felt were following a style we were familiar with. They all sounded like typical Muse songs. We decided to start there and finish them all at once. Of the three songs, I think “Uprising” was the one I burned through the most. Playing shuffle beats all day long was quite a struggle. It took us a long time to get it right because we weren't used to this style. But once we finished recording those three songs, we felt we had a solid foothold for the backbone of the album, which is the relatively traditional Muse songs. With that feeling, we decided to go out on a limb with the rest of the songs on the album.

—"I Belong to You" is very un-Muse-like, isn't it? Matthew: Yeah, it's much more pop and upbeat. I've never been a big fan of the Beatles, but I definitely see Paul McCartney's influence on that song, from the “Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band��� era. Or “Pet Sounds” (by the Beach Boys), the sound of the so-called “60s,” when anything was possible when it came to music. I added a bass clarinet solo and it sounded like the theme music for a BBC children's cartoon. We all had a lot of fun. Every time we listened to that song again, it made us all feel good……. On our recent albums, we've tried not to be too heavy in a lot of places, because the older albums tended to be a bit darker overall.

Picture: The two other members of the band, except for Chris, who is now a father of five children, seem to be enjoying the rock 'n' roll life. They have become celebrities in the U.S., but there is no sense of flirtation.

—I also think that for most rock bands, creating a three-part symphony (like “Exogenesis”) would be considered an arrogant and irreverent act of folly. But, if there is a band that can pull it off, Muse is the only band on the scene today that can do it. Matthew: I think there has always been a slight classical element in our music. Over the years, this has become more and more prevalent, especially in concerts, where there are many people who respond favorably to the so-called “epic” songs. I think that gradually we began to think that it would be acceptable to do something a little more elaborate along those lines. However, even in that symphony, we were careful to let the emotion of the music be the star and the driving force. We didn't want to show off our technique or ability. That's why there are no solos for each part or anything like masturbation. I just wanted it to be a soundtrack to a very contemporary movie.

—Speaking of soundtracks, did you have a good experience working on the soundtrack for the Hollywood suspense film “The International”? (Ed. note: The 2009 action suspense film starring Clive Owen and Naomi Watts. Matthew is credited for the song titled “The Bank of the Fallen Colossus: End Title.) Matthew: Yes, definitely. I did it more as a chance to get used to orchestral software than anything else. All film composers these days are writing songs using computer software for scores. Instead of writing by hand the old-fashioned way, you just have to type it out like you would type. I learned a lot about the software, and I was able to contribute ideas to the Berlin Symphony Orchestra, which was playing the soundtrack to the film at the time. That gave me a little bit of confidence, because I got to hear a live orchestra play and reproduce the melody, the parts, and the arrangement that I had created. And I started to think, if I can do this, then of course I can do it in Muse. It gave me a lot of confidence.

[About personal life and band] —There was another new scandal recently. It is about a British tabloid newspaper that has been tapping the phones of celebrities. Have you ever been afraid that your phone might be tapped? Matthew: I don't know, I never really thought about that. They are only interested in people whose private lives are intriguing to the general public. They're insanely famous people.. We as a band and as individuals don't expose our personal lives to the public that much. I don't think there is anyone out there who is interested in my personal life. I have no complaints about that.

"We're probably the type of band that's allowed to incorporate more theatrical elements into our gigs than other rock bands."

—What was the reaction of the other members of the band when you first told them you had decided to move to Italy? Matthew: Well, I don't know. But the great thing is that no one really cares when I'm over there. We're so busy touring and recording all the time that when we're on our own, we all disappear like spiders scattering. Some go to Australia, some go to New York, some go to London. In my case, I'm going to Italy. It's not a big deal.

—However, the recording for the last album was done in Italy, close to your home, wasn't it? Matthew: I had to do a lot of extra work on the album, so I asked the other members to come to Italy. It took some convincing, though. But maybe for the next album the studio will be in England.

—The latest R.E.M. album, “Accelerate,” is a very good album. They said they felt like they could be a band again with that album. On the earlier albums, they had been living in different places in the US and rarely played together anymore. Do you feel there is any danger of that? Matthew: We still spend more time with our members than we do with our families. Groups like R.E.M. are much older than us. I think when you get to that age, you don't tour as much for a long time anymore. We tour a lot more now than R.E.M. did. If we stopped touring and slowed down, say, to tour for 6 weeks and then take a few months off, I think it would be difficult. In our case, we spend most of our time together. That's more time than I spend with my girlfriend. We spend most of our time in hotels, on tour buses, in concert halls, or in studios. If that is going to decrease, it will be more important to live in the same place.

[About the live performance] —How is Muse going to get any bigger? Matthew: Well, I don't know if we can get any bigger, but we can get better. That's a fascinating thought. But the scale of our concerts will definitely get bigger. It's not your average rock concert. We're going to take a cue from “1984” and build on that by playing to an audience that surrounds us. It's something more theatrical. It's not opera, but it's as close as you can get.

—Is it like U2's “360° Tour”? Matthew: No, it's different. We have the audience behind us and in front of us. In a way, it's more like a Pink Floyd setting, like being trapped inside a building. It's a message of breaking out of the utilitarian system.

—So you want people to feel the atmosphere of “1984”? Matthew: Exactly. It's going to be exciting.

—Are you looking forward to the three-week U.S. tour with U2? Matthew: I think it's going to be a very simple, no-frills set. We'll be on stage in the daytime, so we won't need any lights. The tour is a great opportunity for us to get back into full-fledged live mode, and it's kind of like a rehabilitation program for us. And we get to see U2 up close and personal at night. I'll get to see how they do it. They are one of the biggest and best live acts in history. Also, it's a lot less pressure to be in the front of the lineup. You don't have to worry about video shoots, performers, and all the other stuff that goes along with being the main act, you just focus on your music. It's the perfect warm-up to get your body acclimated to the live mode.

—Muse is also known as one of the best live bands in the world, isn't it? How do you expect to top your last show in the U.K., where you played to 150,000 people at the renovated Wembley Stadium? Matthew: I try not to think too much about going over. We look at things differently every time. But I'm sure we'll have more of those balloon-dangling-performer gimmicks. We are probably the type of band that is allowed to incorporate more theatrical elements into our gigs than other rock bands. Of course, we'll be playing a selection of new songs from the new album. What we're looking forward to is trying to recreate that symphony live. I don't know if it will work, but it will probably be a Hans Zimmer-style synth version (Ed. note: German composer and synthesizer player famous for his film scores for “The Lion King,” “Gladiator,” “Pirates of the Caribbean,” etc.).

[florenceuentin]

April 21: Enemy- Secret relationship and James Potter feels left out

Word count: 447

@wolfstarmicrofic

Remus reaches back to take Sirius’s hand on their way to class. Sirius’s hands are bony and warm.

Remus feels the hand in his. It is warm still, but it’s not bony? It feels thicker and more squishy? Maybe Sirius put on some weight lately? Remus gives the hand an experimental squeeze. The hand responds immediately and squeezes Remus’s hand hard in return.

“Ouch Sirius!” Remus turns around angrily, mentally preparing his Remus Lupin glare that always has the intended effect on the other three marauders.

“James?” Instead of Sirius, Remus’s glare is met with a grinning James Potter. He looks down at where their fingers meet and immediately drops James’ hand.

“Eww eww eww what the hell, James?!”

“Eww?” James looks hurt. “Eww? Ouch, Remus.”

“Err.. Sorry, I thought you were Sirius.” Remus sounds apologetic.

“So you didn’t think it was disgusting when you thought you were holding Sirius’s hand?!” James looks at him incredulously.

“Woah, Remus. Just, woah.” He throws his hands up dramatically, almost hitting the passing students who are already glaring at them for stopping in the middle of the corridor and causing traffic.

“What’s going on?” Sirius must have noticed the commotion. He pushes against the crowd moving in the opposite direction to get back to Remus and James. Oh, that’s where he was.

“Remus doesn’t want to hold my hand.” James accuses. Despite his athletic build, he is looking suspiciously like a giant baby who is denied sweets.

“Eh, duh.” Sirius stares at James. Then he turns to Remus and shrugs. Remus also shrugs in response. They really don’t see any problem here.

“You guys hold hands all the time. I just wanna be a part of it as well,” James takes a deep breath. “Is it because I am too masculine?” He quotes the air. “That’s stereotyping, you know? Also, masculine people can hold hands too.”

“What!? What are you talking about?” Sirius widens his eyes. “Remus and I don’t hold hands to challenge masculinity. We hold hands because-” He stops mid-sentence. “Because-” He looks at Remus pleadingly for him to finish the sentence.

“Yea James. We only hold hands because we are-” Remus stops as well. We are what? Friends? Friends who are secretly boyfriends?

Sirius looks at Remus expectantly.

“We are…” Remus tries again.

James is also looking at Remus, dark eyes full of hurt and betrayal.

“Oh screw it.” Remus gives up. He takes Sirius’s hand on his left and James’s hand on his right.

“Happy now?”

“No.” Says Sirius Black.

“Yea.” Says James Potter who is finally grinning happily again.

On that day, a sixteen-year-old Sirius Black finds his very own brother to be his arch-enemy.

(sorry Sirius but I'm with James on this one. Poor baby just wants to hold hands

[declanlikesmusic]

The Best Song on I'll Try Living Like This

In May of 2015, the now legendary & iconic vaporwave trio known as death's dynamic shroud put out what would be the 12th album in their now 50+ discography of full-length records, this one on the then-prestigious Dream Catalogue label: I'll Try Living Like This, produced solely by two of its members James Webster (known as HCMJ) and Keith Rankin (known as Giant Claw). The album was produced in the midst of awaiting cassette production for what would end up being their 13th album in 2016 on Rankin's Orange Milk Records label, produced by the remaining member Tech Honors: CLASSROOM SEXXTAPE.

From the moment it came out to this very day and beyond, I'll Try Living Like This remains to be seen as death's dynamic shroud's revolutionary, genre-redefining magnum opus and it stands as one of vaporwave's most creative & experimental records to achieve this level of notoriety. There's a lot to be said about each individual track and how it pushes the boundaries of a genre so many people neglectfully view as reductive & derivative. But one tracks I want to particularly highlight is one that isn't often seen as the emotional high point that it is early on into the record.

혼자 남은 지금 꼴이

The fourth track into the record in a short streak of amazing tunes kicks off with two samples: The introductory vocal humming of Avant from his song Separated and the stretched out instrumental to AOA's Miniskirt providing the beat & chords, provided more density & reverberation added to the beat. Beyond that, you hear a whole lot going on. There's a specific recurring vocal sample that gets chopped up & glitchy throughout the song, I can't confidently tell you where that's from, it could be from Separated again for all I could tell. Above that, you hear dialogue from CSI: NY spliced in, coming from Kim Kardashian of all people, some shimmering sounds coming from the intro to Fleetwood Mac's classic song Everywhere and later on, some lesser edited samples of the Legend of Zelda Sound & Drama, which I'll touch on in a moment.

It's an incredibly dense track, but more important than what it samples it how it feels to sample these things. The Miniskirt beat, once an upbeat, sharply produced k-pop track, is paulstretched & echoed out to feel much more lethargic but equally intoxicating. I think even without the added elements, the backing track is absolutely thick & heavy. It's like walking through the city on a packed night and just slowly dragging yourself through an extremely concentrated atmosphere, an opaque fog of urban smoke & emotional weight, and it wouldn't feel that way if it didn't sound so… melancholic.

There's a sadness permeating throughout the song. The strange CSI: NY dialogue, the dragged out & buffering vocal glitches, the lonely Avant vocalizing, there's something about all of those elements, combined with the once sensual love song beat profusely slowed down, that makes the whole experience feel so depressive, like an alcoholic bender. After two and a half minutes of this, you're given even more hints to what all of this is. A Japanese dialogue sample from the aforementioned Zelda Sound Drama plays and it of course reads like a piece of Zelda drama… but one sentence sticks out:

愛が鍵です。(Love is the key.)

A little further in, the shimmering of the Everywhere sample strips away. For a moment, it feels less crowded, but still… sad. Shortly before the four minute mark, Link's cry for Zelda is heard, the beat disappears for that moment and when it cuts back in, you hear something swelling in the background. You feel an emotional tension starting to rise. Then Avant sings.

We never turned our backs on each other But now that we're separated We can't stand one another And when we were together We never turned our backs on each other But now that we're separated We can't stand one another You did me wrong

This is a breakup song. More than anything else, it's a tragic, bittersweet, heart-wrenching breakup song. The added bass synths to the beat and orchestral strings climbing further up in the background for as long as those lines are sung; it feels like the rest of the track that came before was trying to suppress its deeply sorrowing emotions before all that resistance just shatters and every ounce of grief just spills out into tears falling into the puddles of rain below. The song concludes from there and it overall changes the dynamic depths of this album's extremely abtract concepts that are as hard to define, pinpoint or deciphir as this one is, if not more so.

This wasn't my favourite song for the longest time. I mean, for a long while, it was 그대 기억에 지쳐 잠들죠, but that's more of an interlude piece that directly transitions into a reprise of this song, funnily enough, that further elaborates on that Miniskirt sample with a bit of an eccojam. But other times, it was Loving is Easy or everybody's favourite 내 마음은 떨고. It was hard to define what really makes I'll Try Living Like This's best song. Sure, the latter had probably the best production of the bunch and the most energy for it, but an emotional pique or a definitive highly was hard to come by in an album that was always so consistent but always in some way relied on its surrounding pieces or the overall album package. 혼자 남은 지금 꼴이, however, completely stands on its own. As its own song and its own emotional piece.

I think it goes ultimately unrecognised in the grand scheme of this album because of how subtle it all is. Everything I just described to you about the song is subtle in their respective degrees. You really don't come to notice its value at the face; you find it out by digesting it further & more thoroughly, giving each listen its own time to clue you in to what it's about and what it's doing here on the album. It ultimately comes across as the most rewarding song on what is considered to this day to be death's dynamic shroud's masterpiece.

One that is immeditely ruined by the vocal samples on 이보다 좋을 수는 없겠어, but believe me, we do not want to have that conversation today.

[imaginefinneganswake]

Wither hayrein honds tuck up your part inher.

Finnegan's Wake - James Joyce

ChatGPT40 literary report:

The line you provided, “Wither hayrein honds tuck up your part inher,” seems to evoke James Joyce's distinctive style, although it appears somewhat fragmentary. If we assume it is either an exact or closely inspired Joycean passage, the following approach will help analyze it through the lens of Joyce's literary innovations, particularly referencing Finnegans Wake, his most experimental work. This text exemplifies his radical approach to language, which mixes multiple languages, sounds, puns, and dream-like logic.

1. Joyce’s Use of Language and Polysemy

Joyce was known for creating language that operates on multiple levels simultaneously, a technique central to Finnegans Wake. Each word or phrase can have several meanings, often fusing words from different languages and linguistic traditions. This phrase seems consistent with that tradition. Here's a breakdown of the possible meanings embedded in the words:

"Wither": The word "wither" could relate to the verb "to wither," as in to dry up or decay, or it may also reference "whither," meaning "where to." Joyce often played with such homophones, where one word can generate a variety of meanings, allowing for both physical and existential interpretations.

"Hayrein": This could be a portmanteau blending "hay" and "reign." It evokes images of agriculture and ruling authority—perhaps a comment on the decay or mortality of something once fertile or dominant. The "reign" part could also carry associations with sovereignty, control, or passage of time, invoking deeper metaphysical concerns about who or what has dominion.

"Honds": Likely a modification of "hands." Joyce frequently used variants of common words to suggest different associations, such as "honds" echoing Old English or Dutch/German influences (in Dutch, “hand” is also “hand”). This can evoke both literal hands and the concept of handling or taking action.

"Tuck up your part inher": This is a more challenging construction, though Joyce often created phrasal constructs that force a reader to think associatively rather than literally. "Tuck up" suggests gathering or preparing something, which may be physical (like clothing) or more abstract (like preparing oneself for a journey or task). "Your part inher" could relate to inheritance (a "part in her"), where "her" might symbolize the land, a role, or an allegorical figure like Ireland, history, or even the female figure as muse or motherland.

2. Possible Interpretations

The passage as a whole seems to play on the idea of action, inheritance, and responsibility. A breakdown could suggest:

Direction or Displacement: The phrase "Wither hayrein" may suggest movement or an inquiry into where something is going, possibly in the face of decline or decay ("wither"). This could be reflective of Joyce's frequent exploration of themes like the decline of Irish culture, personal legacy, or the inevitability of death and time.

Agrarian Imagery: The word "hayrein" evokes rural, agrarian imagery that recurs in Joyce’s work. It could symbolize a form of pastoral nostalgia, while also hinting at the transience of harvests, seasons, or power (with the duality of "reign"). This could tie back to a broader commentary on the passage of time, societal change, or a collapsing authority.

Agency and Action: "Tuck up your part inher" seems to compel action—telling someone to claim or prepare for their role, perhaps in a broader inheritance, whether material or metaphorical. Joyce frequently addressed personal responsibility within historical and cultural frameworks, often leaving characters struggling with the weight of their heritage and their place in history. This could imply the same sense of engagement, telling the reader (or character) to prepare to "play their part" in a shared historical narrative or personal destiny.

Feminine/Irish Symbolism: The phrase "your part inher" could refer to Ireland, often personified as a woman, as in many nationalist and literary traditions. If so, it may be addressing someone to take up their inherited role concerning the nation, history, or personal legacy—perhaps a call to action to preserve cultural identity in the face of change or decline.

3. Allusions and Themes

Joyce often wove classical, historical, and biblical allusions into his works, and this passage could be read with those lenses in mind. For example, "inheritance" is a biblical theme, and in the Irish context, it could refer to the inheritance of culture, history, or even the troubled political landscape of Joyce’s time.

The passage may suggest a struggle between loss (decay/wither) and inheritance, demanding that the individual "tuck up" (prepare) to take responsibility for a legacy that is at once fading and persistent. This could resonate with themes found throughout Joyce’s works, particularly concerning Ireland’s historical and cultural identity.

4. Conclusion

This fragment, though brief and abstract, reflects Joyce's typical complexity. It challenges the reader to engage with language on multiple levels, invoking historical, cultural, and existential concerns. The play with words such as “wither,” “honds,” and “inherit” may suggest themes of decay, action, and legacy, while simultaneously calling attention to the reader’s responsibility to interpret and inherit the meanings within Joyce’s language itself.

For literary experts, this line can serve as a microcosm of Joyce’s broader thematic preoccupations—mortality, history, and the complex interplay between individual and collective experience. It is a striking example of how Joyce compresses vast ideas into intricate wordplay, demanding that the reader unfold the layers of meaning embedded in every line.

[myloveforhergoeson]

posting another chapter preview bc i feel bad about not posting for a month and a half lol. everyone promise you'll act surprised when the chapter actually gets posted, okay? please enjoy :) <3

tw: mentions of underage drinking

Finding something to wear to a show was always a struggle for Roxy. Back in Brand New Day, an old band t-shirt or flannel, some skinny jeans, and black boots were practically a uniform worn at every single gig. While on the Big Time Rush tour, her options were equally as simple - Something cute, matching whatever colors the boys were wearing that night, that didn’t make her stand out in the slightest. But to a basement show in her hometown? Nothing in her closet seemed like the right way to go.

She hadn’t even been planning on going to one over the holiday break, but she had run into her old lab partner, Catherine Endicott while at the grocery store earlier, and she wasn’t ever one to pass up an invitation to enjoy the local music scene. So many incredible bands and musicians had come out of Minnesota; It would be a shame to miss out on potentially seeing the next big thing right as they got their start. 

“Bob Dylan, The Replacements, Hüsker Dü, Big Time Rush… Minnesota is crawling with musical talent,” She rambled, twisting her hair up into a large claw clip and letting the ends stick up, framing the top of her head like a spiky crown, while speaking to a spaced-out James. “Now we get to see Cait’s band, Under the Bleachers!”

It sounded like he was humming along to the OneRepublic song on the radio station he’d picked, sitting on top of her messily made bed while she dug through her closet to try and find something she’d feel comfortable in. 

Fashion was always a mixed bag at underground shows, and that had never really bothered her before, but she’d found she favored more colorful and trendy outfits than the experimental and quirky style she often saw at house gigs. Typically, she’d just wear whatever and bolster the strange looks because she’d be with her dad - in his own grunge style - and he’d ward off any unwanted glances or sly comments. But going with James, the poster boy for everything mainstream, would not afford her such grace. 

So… Blend in but make it my own… She determined, reaching all the way into the back of her closet for the punkish outfits she used to wear while she was in Brand New Day. It felt like forever ago now, but that had been her style when trying to fit in with Mag and Dani at their shows, but these days, not so much. 

“So we’re going to see a show by a band you’ve never heard of because someone you kind of know invited you?” James asked, clarifying the situation she had hurriedly explained to him on the phone as she’d come home from the store. Of course, he had been more than eager to bike over to her place in his “alternative” outfit - which to him was a pair of nice black jeans, a black v-neck, and a black jacket - but was having some trouble grasping the concept of seeing an artist they didn’t know. 

Even though he couldn’t see her buried in the back of her closet, the girl nodded as she slid hanger after hanger toward her to check out all her options. “Duh. Most of the people at our first show didn’t know who we were either, but they came because of our amazing advertising!”

Oh… Good times, Roxy fondly recalled running around L.A. handing out as many Big Time Rush fliers as she could and inviting anyone to their show that would stop long enough to listen. Brand New Day’s advertising strategy had been similar, but she also had the power of the airwaves to help her out at the Project Pop radio station. 

Taking in her words, James continued humming to the radio, as Roxy’s fingers landed on a long-forgotten t-shirt she had been keeping tucked away for a special occasion. James’ first basement show seemed like as good a time as any, and she managed to pair it with a short, red skirt and a pair of black fishnet tights. 

 As quickly as she had found it, she ran into the bathroom to change, feeling much more like herself than she had figured she would as she admired her picks in the large mirror. Not only was this her first concert with James, but it would also be her first underground show since she left Brand New Day. A part of her was irrationally worried that she’d see Mag and Dani there, but Duluth wasn’t that small a city, and Cait hadn’t mentioned running into them during their brief conversation earlier. 

Then again… They did show up at the Palm Woods…

“When you say ‘we’ are you talking about Big Time Rush or your old band?” She heard James call through the closed door, just as she managed to slip the final component of her outfit on; A gold chain belt cooly rested against her exposed midriff after she’d tied up the shirt, matching the charm necklace hanging around her neck.

Aside from the time Kendall had stolen her journal and passed it off to famous internet blogger Deke, that had been the first time he’d asked her something regarding her musical past. Not that she didn’t mind sharing - with him at least - the question simply caught her off guard. Despite a long-standing friendship, their relationship was still in the beginning stages. Roxy’s heart skipped; It was nice that even after knowing each other quite well, there was still much for them to learn about each other.

Slowly opening the door to the bathroom and making a beeline back to her closet for a pair of black boots, Roxy considered her next words carefully, “Yes to both; But each time we did a significant amount of advertising. Word of mouth does wonders in any town… Ergo, we’re seeing Cait’s band.”

When she finally turned around to find the jewelry box on her dresser, she felt James’ eyes glued to her as she crossed the small room. It made her chest flutter, knowing he couldn’t stop staring at her, and just for fun, she used it to her advantage as she coyly glanced over her shoulder and shot him a wink before picking out a pair of matching earrings. 

“Rox…” He almost whispered, and the springs of her bed groaned as he stood up. In response, he brought a fist to his mouth before clearing his throat and she didn’t miss the unmistakable dusting of pink blushing the top of his ears. “I know you’re going to be freezing but is it bad that I don’t care? I never want you to take that off…”

In the vanity mirror she was using to check her outfit, she noticed he crept closer while he spoke, gaze suspiciously targeting her legs. When he reached out to wrap his arms around her, she playfully evaded his grasp with a nicely timed side-step.

“Oh, my God!” Roxy cried, cutting into his sentence with a few uncontrollable snorts of laughter and an accusatory finger, meeting him in the middle of the room. “You’ve got a thing for fishnets!”

She watched James freeze, glancing up at the ceiling fan lazily rotating around. In response, he let out a few beats of an innocent whistle before rocking back and forth on his heels. “Whaaat! No!”

Acting against his words, his hand reached out to grab hers at the same time his gaze flickered down just long enough to give her another once-over, noticeably lingering on her tights. When the writer opened her mouth again to tease him, he beat her to the punch and changed the subject, pointing to the old black and white band t-shirt she had tied up above her navel. “Who’s Dec and the Desires? Never heard you talk about them before.”

 Another question that made her giddy, and she grinned as she laced her fingers between his and pulled him into the living room toward the front door, making sure to grab a lighter from the kitchen junk drawer on the way out. “An underground punk band I love. They were really big in the late 80’s and early 90’s in Austin, Texas. Though, I figure you can put the rest together yourself, considering you know the lead singer.”

It seemed as though her words confused her boyfriend for a moment, as they stepped out of the Somerset’s one-story and out onto the freezing streets of Minnesota. Of course, James had been right, and Roxy was freezing, but Cait’s house was only a few blocks away. She could brave the cold in the name of fashion. 

Besides, I’ve got my own personal space heater…

“I do?” He asked, eyes darting around the empty driveway before his brows knit in confusion. 

Roxy carefully tugged him toward the mostly snow-cleared sidewalk, silently letting him know they’d be walking to their destination instead of driving; Someone had been caught up at work after taking an impromptu day off on Christmas Eve and kept Dynamo out late. “Yes, baby. Dec… and the Desires?”

James blinked, either still confused or taking in the pet name he wasn’t quite used to as he followed her lead.

Oh my…

“Declan?” She tried again, doing her best to keep from shivering too much as she and James traversed the icy path. “Somerset?”

“Oh! Your dad was in a band like you?” The genuine curiosity in his voice made her melt a smidge and she snugged his arm into her chest as she practically pulled him down the street to Cait’s. “I didn’t know that, Rox! Kendall and I talked his ear off about sports backstage when we could’ve been asking for music advice! He’s way nicer than Gustavo.”

Her heart involuntarily squeezed at the thought of James feeling comfortable going to her father for advice. “Yeah, they were really going places. Headlining local venues, sending for record labels, lining up an independently run U.S. tour, until…” She paused, realizing she’d never spoken with anyone besides her dad and old band about his small stint in the music industry. Until me. “He’ll talk your ear off about the glory days if you’d let him.”

 “It’s neat that the two of you have so much in common… My parents always had to drag me to stuff about Brooke Diamond Cosmetics - Thank God that’s all over,” James nodded, slinging an arm around his girlfriend as they walked. Try as she might to contain her shivers, he could feel the involuntary shakes and goosebumps riddling her arm under his fingertips. “What did I tell you about being cold?!”

Roxy knew he was changing the subject so she wouldn’t ask any follow-up questions about his statement. In all the time they’d known each other, this was the first in which he’d willingly brought up the company his mother ran. Besides, the writer had only made the connection he was the Brooke Diamond’s son during an interview on the band’s summer tour - If James had wanted her to know that sooner, he would’ve told her.

Just as he was interested to learn more about her past, she was curious about his, but decided not to push her luck as they traveled on to Cait’s. James would share when he was ready and that was perfectly fine with Roxy.

~

They hadn’t even been in the crowded, boiling basement for 10 minutes when a guy around James and Roxy’s age, dripping in metal spikes and heavy chains, came up to them, asking the latter if she was ever in a band because she looked “kinda, sorta, super familiar.” The show wasn’t even close to starting yet.

The writer shrugged him off, playing with the rim of the red Solo cup in her hand when she brought up Big Time Rush - knowing full well that wasn’t what he had meant by his question - and introduced him to James who was far more versed in interactions like these. Just as quickly as the guy had come to speak with them, he wrinkled his nose at the thought of meeting a member of a boy band and disappeared into the sea of people around them. 

Five minutes, and Roxy’s nervous downing of her drink later, someone else stopped by the couple and asked her the same question. Though she wanted them to stick around a bit and ask for a few tips on how they got their sharp-edged eyeliner to stand out so nicely against their dark eyeshadow, her response was the same as before, as was the individual’s when she brought up the pop band she wrote and composed for. 

James, bless his heart, looked a bit uncomfortable with the sheer amount of people packed into the small space and stuck close to her side as she navigated them as best she could around the small space. Despite pouring him a cup straight from the ice-bathing keg’s tap in the corner closest to the entrance, he had declined the drink - “Need to bike home, babe,” - and passed it off to the girl in line behind them.

Then, she asked Roxy if she’d been in a band as well.

Just the thought of anyone associating her with Brand New Day made her nauseous, so she used to boy band line again, and the young girl scurried off to her group of friends, shaking her head at them as if they’d all been wondering the same thing. 

Ignoring the slight shake in her fingers as she reached for her boyfriend’s hand, Roxy told herself she brushed off the questions only because Brand New Day were openly establishing themselves as a duo now that they’d moved to Hollywood and signed with Galactic Records. Telling someone she used to play with them might make her look like a liar, or worse, a delusional fan girl. 

Yup, that’s totally worse than being a liar, she decided, squeezing James’ hand for comfort while waving in and out through the mass of individuals to try and get to the center of the room. I never want to be associated with them again.

“We’ll be able to hear best from here!” Roxy assured James as they’d reached the middle of the crowd, having to raise her voice over the noise level, even though she couldn’t see where Cait had set up the instruments over everyone standing in front of her. In her opinion, the only downfall to house shows was the absence of an elevated stage. “Think you’ll be able to see alright?” 

The question was inherently dumb; One look over the cramped space told her he was one of the tallest people there - excluding those who had used an insane amount of hairspray to hold up their hairdos and those in platform shoes. 

Instead of answering her question, James squeezed her hand back before warmly saying, “You’re famous.”

No question mark, no hesitation. Spoken as though it were the truest of facts.

Taking another sip of her drink, Roxy held it on her tongue for a moment, letting the pungent taste linger before swallowing while she considered his words. Then, the sickly feeling from before returned, heartbeat drumming uncomfortably in her chest, and her immediate reaction was to deflect his statement. “You’re the one in a boy band.”

“No one’s asked me if I was in a band tonight.”

“No one here listens to that kind of music.”

When James realized he wasn’t getting anywhere with this conversation, he sighed and shifted his attention forward to the non-existent stage, while his girlfriend realized how combative her words were coming off. Which, unfortunately, they were designed to be. Brand New Day was the last thing she’d wanted to think about at the show tonight, but he wasn’t asking to be a bother. She knew that; But this wasn’t the setting in which she wanted to have that conversation.

It had just been a long time since she’d considered her past in the Duluth music scene. She never handled the unwanted feelings about her old band members and stolen intellectual property well, as evidenced by the slightly mean tone she’d taken with him. 

Though she thought she was over it after she vowed to move on after her last encounter with Mag and Dani at AM LA, actions certainly spoke louder than words. 

 Roxy took another sip of her drink, starting to feel the beginnings of a buzz itch at the back of her brain. Way to go Rox, drive off the one guy you’ve managed to keep around...

Just as she opened her mouth to apologize, she felt James squeeze her hand again. “Did you play a lot of shows in places like this? How could you stand the distinct… skunky and sweaty smell?” 

Saying a silent prayer of thanks he had moved on from the previous line of questioning, Roxy felt her rapid breathing begin to slow.

“More than I could count. Dani’s basement was a bit bigger than this one, though, but most times we’d jump in on someone else’s show if we begged them hard enough,” She shared in earnest, trying to tell herself it wouldn’t be as bad to talk it out with someone she cared about. “Loved every moment of it, too.”

By now, she had finally worked up enough courage to glance up at her boyfriend in the low light, finding him raising an eyebrow at her comment. 

“Even the skunky and sweaty smell! Got used to it after a while… But you,” Roxy reached up and poked at his cheek with a loose giggle, “You’ve been venue spoiled. Free snacks and gifts, clean green rooms, crowds of thousands screaming your name… Lucky, lucky boy.”

“That I am,” James assured her, bending down to press a much-wanted kiss to her cheek to let her know everything was alright. “Sounds like you get free drinks at shows like these though. That’s not a perk of our job quite yet.”

Of course, his timing was perfect to when she went to take a sip of her drink, causing her to nearly spit out what little she had left as she snorted a bit of buzz-induced laughter. “Only if you’re friends with the homeowner or you’re incredibly cute. So both of us are in the clear tonight, superstar, because those jeans you’re wearing make me wanna-”

The distinct ringing of microphone feedback surged through her ears, immediately cutting her off from her train of thought as Under the Bleachers took their places at the front of the room and soon, it was replaced with the deep kick of the drum echoing in her chest, carrying over the second-hand speakers. Wasting no time, the band jumped straight into their first song, leaving her little choice but to pull her boyfriend down for a quick kiss against the beginnings of a guitar melody meant to promise there was much more in store for him later. 

~

Lucky for James, Roxy cashed in on her silent promise about halfway through the set when the ear-splittingly loud music had thoroughly rattled her brain and she had managed to finish off her second cup of beer. The room was warm, sure, but he’d wrapped an arm around her waist to pull her closer a few minutes ago, and the temperature prickling her skin reached inferno-like levels just from his touch. Be it the heightened state she had found herself in, the adrenalin rush of her first show in so long, or the fact Cait’s band wrote excellent make-out music, Roxy had dragged James out of the crowd to the back of the room and spent most of the set’s remaining time pressed up against the basement wall with her lips locked onto his. 

That was, until the most pit opened, of course.

When the show ended, she nearly cried, but allowed James to navigate them up the staircase and out into Cait’s backyard with everyone else, before eventually making it back out to the sidewalk and heading in the direction of her house. 

“Tonight was perfect!” She yelled without regard for the late hour, throwing her head and hands back as the sound echoed off the houses on the road they took. “Can you believe Under the Bleachers are so, so, so good? We should call Gustavo - He needs a girl band and they need a record contract! An album too, lots of albums. So many albums…”

The heat of the basement had almost made them forget the below-freezing temperature outside, but Roxy could hardly feel it as she twirled down the sidewalk, humming what she could remember of the songs they’d played. At some point, her boyfriend had given her his coat, but she didn’t remember when. 

When she almost hit a metal mailbox on the street with her hands, James poorly tried to conceal his smile as he caught her around the wrist and pulled her into his side, slinging an arm around her shoulders. “Careful, crazy girl. I know you punks like to break stuff, but let’s keep the damages to a minimum.”

At his statement, she squeezed her eyes shut and stuck out her tongue, shaking her head at the notion. “Not a punk! Not even close!”

Roxy managed to pop one eye open and glance his way, noting the way his head tilted to the side, bottom lip stuck out. It made her giggle.

“Wanna know a secret?” She said, fully intending to whisper it in his ear, but she was too busy continuing to stare at his mouth to focus on her volume. The pair had split her last cup of lukewarm beer; The relaxation it brought had caused her newfound loose lips. “I just like the music, making me the world's biggest poser! I’m not connected to the culture at all; Not like Dad.”

Hand moving up and down on her arm to spark some heat, the perplexed look on James’ face remained. “You think? From what you said earlier it sounds like the two of you were in pretty similar situations. Playing the shows, writing the music, connecting with others around town… Sounds pretty punk to me.”

“He and his band wrote about real issues,” Roxy blurted out, still failing to find the balance between what she should and shouldn’t say. There had been a reason she’d needed to share her last cup with James - The looseness had traveled to whatever part of her brain filtered her speech. “Racism, religious conservativism, labor rights… Shit was bad and they were able to channel it into a musical act of protest. All I ever managed to write about was stupid, trivial teenage stuff to pair over a punky-sounding guitar riff. I still do that, just.. Poppy now.”

James didn’t say anything for a moment, and when she turned to look at him as they rounded the corner of her street, she swore she could see the gears turning in his head. “It’s all about self-expression, though, right?”

A good point - one she hadn’t been expecting him to make. In fact, that had been something she had neglected to realize all night, despite that being one of the core tenets of the genre. 

“Getting in touch with your emotions, writing them out, being brave enough to share them… That’s hard for a lot of people, Rox.” The hesitation in his voice made her think he was speaking from experience, but she certainly wasn’t in a state to ask him. “Whether or not you think it’s punk is up to you, but I think it’s pretty extraordinary.”

There were only two times in her life Roxy could remember being rendered speechless - The first time her dad played her Definitely Maybe by Oasis and the first time she’d met Dak Zevon - and now, this was a conversation she could file away in that folder as well. He wasn’t known for always saying the right thing at the right time, but she internalized his words, playing them over and over in her mind as they approached her front door. While she did, her heart was pounding to the point of ache, almost as though it were attempting to break free from her chest and make a new home for itself in James’ hands. 

Just as she was figuring out how to respond, he continued with a crack of a smile, “Especially extraordinary when the song you write is about me! Perfect subject matter for my perfect songwriter.”

[moonstruckme]

hi mae, if its not too much trouble could you do something with james and r where r has to deal with likr a creep on a train or smth. ive just had a real weird experience rn and its just.hm

Ugh I'm so sorry babe, I wish we each had a James with us all the time

cw: man being creepy (no sa or harassment, just gross behavior)

James Potter x fem!reader ♡ 934 words

You clock the danger long before your boyfriend does, but you suppose it’s a lot more drilled into one of you than the other. 

The man gets on a few stops after you do, and his gaze seems aimless until it lands on you. It’s not a busy time; the bus is nearly empty, but of course he goes and stands next to you as if there are no open seats. You should have known better than to sit by the aisle. 

James’ chatter fades into the background as your mind starts to whirl with possibilities. What if this man grabs you? What if he tries to keep you from getting off at your stop? What if he waits until you get off, and then follows you home? 

“Hey.” James is looking at you quizzically. He reaches for your opposite arm, scrubbing up and down lightly. “You okay?” 

You use the touch as an excuse to lean into his side, murmuring so the man can’t hear you. “If that guy’s still here when it’s my stop, will you get off with me? Or I could ride to yours, if that’s better.” 

James looks past you, noticing the man for the first time, and you see clarity dawn on his expression as he does the same math you had. You can feel the man’s stare burning into the side of your head; he’s not even being subtle about it. James pulls you closer to his side. 

“Hey, mate,” he says, tension underlying his jovial tone. “Do you wanna take a seat? There are plenty open.” 

You chance a look over, and the man’s eyes lock with yours like it’s the opportunity he’s been waiting for. You feel James’ arm tense. 

“You have pretty hair,” the man says. 

You smile tersely. Polite, carefully unfriendly. “Thanks.” 

That seems to satisfy him; the man does take a seat. The one directly behind you. Anxiety prickles over your skin at not being able to see him. 

You at least feel better now that James is aware, too. He keeps his face turned to you, one eye on the seat behind you, as he picks up your conversation about the film you’ve just seen. Remus and Sirius were the ones who wanted to see it in the cinema; they thought it was artistic and meaningful, whereas you and James are in agreement it was dull and pretentious. Odd, aimless dialogue, experimental camera angles, hardly any plot. James thinks if you can get Sirius away from Remus he’ll agree. Competitive thing that he is, he’s hatching a plan to do so when the man leans forward and pushes his nose into your hair. 

The sound of his inhale sends goosebumps racing down every inch of your skin. You go rigid, attempting subtly to lean forward while all the nerves in your body scream at you to run. 

“Hey, what the fuck?” James doesn’t take care to lower his voice. 

As though you’d been waiting for permission, you jump away, getting as far out of reach as possible before turning around. James’ arm has barred across the back of your seat, his hand gripping the pole on the opposite side and the muscles in his forearm strained with tension. 

“What makes you think you can do that to someone?” he asks, equal parts incredulous and irate. 

People in the bus have turned to look. The bus slows as you approach the next stop. 

“Let’s get off,” you tell James. 

“What?” He turns to you for a second before seeming to remember he should be keeping an eye on the man. Who has been silent, but for what he said to you. He looks entertained by James’ outburst, which almost scares you worse than anything that’s happened thus far. You know James is very fit, but you don’t want to get him in a fight. “Why should we get off? We haven’t done anything wrong!” 

The doors open, and people start to file off. “James,” you say, grabbing a fistful of his shirt and giving a slight tug. “Please.” 

He hesitates a second longer, looking somewhere between bewildered and outraged, before he says, “Fine, okay,” and grabs your bag. You tug him into the aisle, careful to keep both of you out of reach of the man. Once you’re off the bus, you start walking quickly, pulling James along and casting glances over your shoulder to be sure the man from the bus doesn’t follow. It’s only when the bus pulls away and he hasn’t gotten off that you stop. 

“Ugh.” You heave a tremendous sigh, hugging James around the middle and dropping your forehead to his chest. “Sorry.” 

“That was fucking insane,” he says, cupping the back of your head protectively. “Does that happen to you often?” 

You let out a little laugh. “That specifically? No. But I know better than to talk to guys like that.” 

“Sorry.” James kisses your hairline. Lets his lips rest there. “I thought it was going to help.” 

“It’s not your fault, he was going to be weird either way. I’m really glad you were there.” 

He squeezes you tighter. It helps you release the tension from your shoulders, giving in to him. “That was fucking disgusting,” he says. “I’m sorry I’m ever not there.” 

You shudder. “Is it weird that I feel like I need to shower?” 

“Nope. But do it at mine. I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about that guy finding your place for the next several days.” 

“How would he do that, James?” 

“Dunno. But just to be safe.”

[aurora-catgirl]

A Sacrifice for Those You Love Chapter 1

"Go James! Go!" Thomas yelled as he quickly pushed Theo across the tracks, clearing the path of empty cars for James to escape.

Looking back, he watched his shinning ruby speed past them, heading towards the exit of the Steelworks. Happy that James was able to escape, Thomas smiled. As he moved his eyes to look forward, he gasped. The cars started to lift and topple over, the corner of one of the trucks pressing a button.

As Thomas and Theo slowed down, Thomas felt a heavy piece of metal land on top of his cab, lifting him up off the ground and into the air.

Thomas cried out in shock as he watched himself being lifted, too high above the ground. "Help! Help!" He yelled in fear.

He frantically looked around, but fear gripped his boiler as he felt the magnet begin to move. He whimpered a bit as he was slowly being moved over a huge pot full of burning, hot smelt. "No, no, no, no!" He whimpered as the magnet stopped over the molten metal, the warmth from it starting make his wheels heat up.

"Don't worry, I'll get you down Thomas!" Theo yelled as he started to push on the cars.

"Oh no you don't!" Hurricane exclaimed as he was quickly coupled to the experimental engine, before pulling him back, preventing him from moving the cars.

"Let me go!" Theo exclaimed as he tried to move forward, without any luck.

"And make our favorite engine leave? I don't think so." Frankie said as she backed up, blocking Theo's view of the cars. "He just returned to us and now you want him to leave? He promised to help us here at the Steelworks." She said tauntingly, moving her gaze to look up at Thomas, smiling.

"I only agreed as a thank you for taking my goods train to Bridlington's yard! I didn't agree to actually work here without the chance of going home!" Thomas yelled as he slowly swayed over the hot smelt. The panic rose in him as he felt his wheels start to heat up even more.

To him, it felt like his wheels were on fire and he was struggling to hold in a pain-filled whimper as he glared at the two Steelworks' engines.

"But you must stay! It's only fair that you do." Hurricane explained as he was uncoupled from Theo, riding around the works until he faced Thomas.

"Thomas!" A familiar voice yelled out from across the hot building.

The voice was filled with fear and panic as the sounds of puffing began to get louder. Thomas looked over to see the two experimental engines, Merlin and Lexi, and James in the middle, who were racing towards them.

Thomas watched at James moved faster than the other the two. He could see the fear, worry, and panic in his ruby's eyes; it made his boiler ache with anxiety, desperately wanting to be with him. He wanted to go back to Sodor with the red tender engine and forget the mess they both put themselves in.

"He's going back to Sodor!" James yelled. "I came here looking for him and I'm not leaving without him!" He shouted as he glared at the steamie and diesel in front of him.

Hurricane and Frankie both looked at each other and smirked, both having the same idea. Looking back up at Thomas, their eyes shimmered with a dark and sinister intention. Just looking at them made Thomas' boiler shiver.

His panic and fear only increased when he saw some of the steelworkers leave Hurricane's and Frankie's cabs and stand near a lever that more than likely controlled the magnet that held him. A great sense of dread filled Thomas' entire body and his eyes widened in fear.

"Alright. You win. You can take him back home with you." Frankie said, eerily calm as she smiled darkly at the red tender engine.

"But only as metal sheets! Do it now!" Hurricane yelled as one of the workers immediately pressed a button. Almost instantly, the magnet's hold on Thomas loosened and dropped him.

"Thomas!" Lexi, Merlin, and Theo cried out in terror as they watched their new friend fall towards the cauldron of molten iron.

Thomas yelled in fear as time seemed to slow down for him. He watched the smelt grow brighter as he neared it, and he felt the heat of it started to melt part of his body. He could feel his paint bubble, and his wheels started to melt just from the heat. The agonizing pain of being burnt shot throughout him, and he could no longer hold in his screams of pain.

As he closed his eyes, he saw memories appearing before him, but fading away as just as quick as they came.

When he first arrived on Sodor in his green livery, to Gordon pulling him along with the Express, getting his branch line, all the friends he met, to him figuring out his feelings for James when he was trapped here.

Opening his eyes, he slowly looked over at the red engine, his eyes filled with anguish, pain, and fear as tears slid down his face. James himself looked back in horror as he saw him, his Thomas, his shinning blue star falling to his death.

Tears fell from his own eyes as he looked at Thomas, both filled with the wanting, the need to be with each other, yet both of them knew, it wouldn't ever happen.

As Thomas closed his eyes, he felt himself land in the smelt. The pain completely overwhelmed him as he felt his body start to melt instantly. Yet before he completely fell in, he heard his ruby's voice yell out one more time before he was completely submerged.

"THOMAS!"

Thomas gasped as he jolted awake from his sleep. In his panic, he backed up and bumped into the buffers of his shed, causing him to fully regain consciousness. Blinking his eyes, he panted hard, but quietly as he looked at around. No longer was he in the Steelworks, but home.

Tidmouth Sheds. The place where he knew he was protected from anyone else who dared try and hurt him.

It was about a week since he and James returned from the Mainland, something they both will never forget. Thomas still felt bad about taking James' goods train, but he was tired of him always teasing him, yet it didn't teeter his feelings for him.

It was on their way back to Sodor that they both admitted their feelings towards each other. It was one of Thomas' happiest days when he found out that James felt the same way about him.

And yet, even after that, he still suffered from nightmares about the Steelworks. Each nightmare he had only got worse but this one, was the worst one of all.

Panting softly, Thomas slowly puffed forward a bit, back to his original spot, before looking to his left. He saw Emily on the far left, with Percy next to her and Edward, his adopted big brother next to him. Smiling, knowing that they were safe, he looked to the right.

Henry was on the far right, as was Gordon, and finally James, his shinning ruby. He stared at James as he slept, listening to his soft breathing, knowing that he too, was safe. He blushed a bit before he looked over at Edward.

He smiled as he stared at his older brother, thinking of the times they had. From Edward teaching him how to shunt cars to playing a game of either chase or hide-n-seek. He was the first friend Thomas made when he first arrived on Sodor. Edward seemed to be the first one who cared for him as well.

He looked up to Edward as a mentor at first, but then, it just felt natural to call him big brother.

Now knowing that everyone was safe, Thomas allowed himself to relax, and he looked down at the ground; but he was so deeply lost in his thoughts, that he didn't hear someone stir before waking up.

"Thomas?" A soft voice whispered next to him.

Thomas jumped a bit before looking over to see Edward looking at him in worry. Thomas breathed a sigh of relief as he saw it was his older brother.

"Are you alright?" Edward asked quietly, being careful about not waking up the other engines.

"N-no, I'm not. Just… another nightmare about the Steelworks…" Thomas said quietly before looking back down at the ground.

Edward continued to look at his little brother in concern. He knew Thomas has been having problems sleeping since his return, but this one seemed to be worst. The last few nights, Thomas would only whimper and talk quietly as he slept. Yet tonight, he was jolted awake from his sleep.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edward asked softly.

Thomas bit his lip, but after a minute, he spoke.

"I… I was trapped against the magnet at the Steelworks hanging over the smelt. Theo was trying to free me, but Hurricane pulled him away. James, Lexi and Merlin came back to try to help me but… one of the workmen there pushed a button and I fell in…" Thomas started but stopped as he started to cry again as the memory of his dream came back.

Thomas closed his eyes and gritted his teeth to stop himself from crying out and waking the other engines. His body trembled as he sobbed quietly to himself.

Edward's eyes filled with sadness as he finished his statement in his head. He shuttered a bit as he imaged seeing Thomas falling into the burning smelt. Quietly, he slowly puffed out of his berth and onto the turntable, waiting for it to spin him around to face Thomas. Once it did, he silently rode off the turntable and into Thomas' berth.

"Thomas…" Edward stated as he slowly came to a halt, his buffers gently pressing against the smaller engine. Thomas sniffed and opened his eyes, looking up at him as fresh tears roll down his cheeks.

"Don't cry Little Brother. You're safe here. No one will ever let any harm come to you again. You have my promise." Edward said gently as he smiled softly.

Thomas smiled a bit as he slowly stopped crying, his eyes now red, irritated by his tears. He gently moved forward to press his buffers against Edward some more before looking back up at him.

"I know Edward. Thank you…" He said softly as he yawned slightly. Edward chuckled at his brother's yawn and smiled.

"Get some sleep Little Brother." Edward said softly as he saw Thomas slowly close his eyes.

Once Thomas was asleep, Edward quietly backed out of his berth before getting on the turntable again. He frowned a bit as he tried to think of something that would help Thomas stop having nightmares. But no matter how hard he thought, nothing came to mind.

He sighed softly, hating that he couldn't think of anything. Backing up into his own berth, Edward gazed at Thomas one last time, before the older tender engine yawned and closed his eyes, falling into a deep sleep.

The next morning, everyone was awake, and leaving Tidmouth one by one. As Thomas waited for his turn, he looked over at James. James himself was already looking at him and smiling. Thomas smiled back. Though a nagging thought hung in the back of his mind.

'Should I tell him…?'

Thomas looked away from James and sighed. 'Later. We have work to do.'

James felt a little worried as he watched his blue star look away from him, but he didn't have time to ask; it was his turn to leave the sheds.

As he left, he knew he had to ask him what was wrong.

Later, Thomas was working in the docks, shunting empty cars to their needed and correct positions. But as he finished his last line-

"Steady those! They're extremely hot!"

"We know that!"

"Be careful!"

Looking up, Thomas gasped as he saw three lidded metal cauldrons being brought down one by one onto separate flatbeds.

Even though they had lids, Thomas still saw the bright glow of molten smelt inside from the tiny space between the lid and actual caldron.

Thomas shivered.

The hot, burning smelt seared his body as he sank lower and lower. He could no longer scream due to the pain, so he merely clenched his teeth together, and shut his eyes. He wanted to stop sinking, but what could he do? Slowly, he finally felt the smelt touch his face…

Thomas' eyes shot open as the daydream left his mind. Before he could stop himself, he reversed and harshly shoved into empty cars, previously shunted by him.

"Woah, Thomas!" Came a new voice. "What's with the sudden burst of energy?"

Thomas looked up to be met with Cranky. Sighing in relief, He spoke. "C-Cranky… what are those doing here?" He asked, looking over at the caldrons.

Cranky turned his body to see what Thomas meant. "Well, why do you want to know?"

"Just. Tell me, Cranky." Thomas said impatiently, with a hint of anger.

Stunned by Thomas' sudden change of attitude, Cranky stared at him. "Well, they're here from the Mainland to go to the Steamworks. They needed a special type of smelt to make stronger parts for you engines, and right now only the Mainland has it."

Breathing deeply, Thomas closed his eyes. After a moment, he involuntarily started shaking.

Now Cranky normally wouldn't care about another engine's behavior, but Thomas seemed to be… genuinely scared. "Thomas… are you alright?"

"I'm… I'm fine." Thomas huffed, his voice strained. There was anger in his voice, but this time, Cranky heard, sadness.

Before he had a chance to ask Thomas what was wrong again, the little tank engine sped away.

'I have to see him, I have to see him, I have to see him!' Thomas chanted desperately in his mind as he raced to the Vicarstown yard. As he went down the line, he tried his best to keep the tears in his eyes at bay.

When he arrived, Thomas frantically looked around the yard, until he spotted him. Nearby, shunting cars full of carrots, was the red tender engine.

Thomas swallowed, before racing forwards once more. "James!"

James grumbled as he shunted some cars into a siding. He was quite cross with Sir Topham Hatt for tasking him to shunt. He wanted to pull coaches and not deal with smelly cars. He stopped shunting, however, and backed up onto the other track as he heard a frantic cry from a voice he knew all too well; his shining blue star.

"Thomas?" James asked he watched the small engine racing towards him.

He winced a bit as he heard Thomas' brakes screech, as he stopped just in front of the red tender engine. His eyes widened when he saw tears falling down Thomas' cheeks. Immediately, he knew that something was terribly wrong.

"Thomas? What's wrong?" James asked as he slowly puffed forward a bit, gently pressing his buffers against the younger engine. He noticed how Thomas had his eyes shut tightly and watched as his body shook as he cried.

"E-everything!" The blue tank engine cried. "After we came back from the Mainland, I-I haven't been able to sleep. I keep having nightmares about the Steelworks and… and…" He whimpered as he struggled to talk; instead, his crying increased.

Frowning in worry for his blue star, James started to gently push Thomas into a siding. Thomas' eyes shot opened as he felt himself moving and watched as James moved the both of them to the siding away from the tracks, his eyes never leaving the others'.

Keeping their buffers touching, James stared at Thomas' face, his eyes filled with concern and worry.

"It's alright Thomas. Just take a deep breath and calm down. Now then, what's going on?" James asked softly, wanting Thomas to talk about his problems but also not wishing to force him.

Taking a deep breath, Thomas tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall as he started shaking again.

"I-I keep having nightmares about the Steelworks. At first, they weren't so bad, mostly of me never escaping there or you never coming to rescue me. Then they started to get worse, like one where we both ended up trapped there and… one where you left me behind, saying how I wasn't worth it." Thomas whispered, his attitude just as blue as his paintwork.

"Then last night… it seemed to be the worst one I had yet. I-I was attached to the magnet again and hanging over the hot smelt. It felt like my wheels where melting from the heat. Hurricane stopped Theo from moving the cars that toppled onto the control panel and you came rushing back to help me. But then… one of the workers pushed a button and… I fell in." Thomas explained as he closed his eyes, the memories of the nightmare rushing back to him.

"Oh Thomas…" James started as he presses his buffers against Thomas' own a bit more, trying to comfort him. "It was only a nightmare. Nothing more. You're home, you're safe and you have me and the others here with you. I promise." James said thoughtfully as he looked at him with eyes full of love.

Sniffling a bit, Thomas smiled at the tender engine in front of him, trying to blow some tears away from his cheeks. Then he frowned a bit and looked down at their buffers.

"It's gotten so bad James. Just this morning, as I was shunting at the docks, they were unloading cauldrons of hot smelt. Cranky was saying how they're going to be sent to the Steamworks, for its molten iron is stronger than what we have here. It's there so that the workers can use it to make stronger parts for us if any of us break down. But… I panicked so much that I sped off. I didn't want to be there in case I had to pull them. So, I came here to tell you that I'm not alright. I'm tired, I'm scared, and I keep fearing that I'm going to wake up and still be at the Steelworks." Thomas confessed quietly as his gaze never left their buffers.

James frowned a bit as he listened to Thomas' story. He knew that Thomas had been having nightmares, because sometimes he was woken up by his whimpers.

But he didn't know it was this bad.

Looking around, he wondered how to cheer his blue engine up. He smiled as he looked down at the smaller engine, gently nudging him, which caused Thomas to look up at him sadly.

"How about when we're done with our work, we go to Henry's forest. Just the two of us. We won't have to worry about the others disturbing us and we can have some alone time. How does that sound?" James suggested, smiling a bit.

Taking a shaky breath, Thomas slowly smiled at his shining ruby. He blushed a bit as he continued to stare at him, but his smile slowly widened.

"I-I would love that James. Thank you." He said softly. His tears had long since stopped, but his eyes were still red from crying.

"Then we better get back to being really useful engines. I don't want Sir Topham Hatt getting cross at either of us, even though I'd rather be pulling my coaches instead of shunting these dirty cars." James said bitterly as he glared at the empty cars, slowly backing up to get onto the other track.

Thomas giggled a bit as he slowly followed James out of the siding, the blush still visible on his cheeks. Moving onto the other track, he watched as his ruby moved across the tracks. He laughed a bit as he heard James grumble to himself as he shunted the cars.

"Oh yeah, before I forget, Sir Topham Hatt wants you to take these trucks to Brendam Docks." James said as he pushed a few cars behind Thomas.

Thomas watched as the workers coupled him up to the trucks that were a mix of oil, coal and quarry stone.

"Thank you and bye James. Love you!" Thomas called out as he slowly puffed out of the yard, heading back towards the docks.

James blew his whistle twice as he watches his blue star puffing off, still blushing. He smiled as he watched him leave, until he was out of his sight, even though his worry for him still lingered in his boiler.

"Look at his face. He's almost as red as when that one bee stung him!" One of the empty cars said tauntingly as they and the other cars started to laugh.

"Oh, will you troublesome cars be quiet?!" James exclaimed as he roughly shunted the line of cars in front of him.

He smirked to himself as they finally stopped chattering, only to have his eyes widen as he watched some of them derail and fall onto their side. "Oh no…" He muttered as the cars busted out laughing. He knew he'd be in trouble and that it was only a matter of time until Sir Topham Hatt arrived.

"Good Morning Cranky. Good morning Carly." Henry said, smiling at the two cranes in Brendam Docks as he slowed to a stop next to Cranky.

"Morning…" Cranky huffed as he turns, lowering his hook onto a boat.

"Good Morning Henry!" Carly said happily as she slowly moves to the left, a pallet of boxes attached to her hook.

Salty was slowly moving the flatbed with the cauldrons of burning hot smelt towards Henry. "Morning matey." The diesel chuckled as he slowly stops at the green mixed-traffic tender engine. "This be here yer train for the Steamworks." He smiled as he backed up away from the flatbeds.

"Thank you Salty." Henry smiled as he slowly backs his tender box to the flatbeds.

He stopped a few inches away from the flatbed and waited for one of the dock workers to couple him up to it. Cranky was slowly turning around after lifting a pallet with a lot of metal pipes tied up to it. As he was slowly moving it over the flatbeds, he felt a stretching feeling in the metal rope attached to his hook. Looking at it, he watched as a piece of the hook started to crack.

"Look out!" Cranky cried out as his hook snapped and the pallet of metal pipes dropped.

The workmen, Henry and Salty quickly moved out of the way as the pallet of metal pipes fell. It crashed onto the side of the flatbeds containing the smelt as the pipes scattered across the tracks. The impact of the pallet and pipes caused the flatbed to sway before tipping over. Smelt poured and flowed out of the cauldrons as they hit the ground. Steam rose up as the ground, tracks and some of the pipes started to melt as a huge puddle of smelt formed.

"Cinders and ashes…" Henry gasped as he looked at the damage as he puffed up to Salty after going around the docks.

"Oh no…" Cranky groaned worriedly, knowing that he caused confusion and delay at the docks as he looked down at the mess he created by accident.

Not far away from the docks, Thomas smiled as he pulled the goods train towards Brendam. A slight blush was still on his cheeks as he remembers what James said.

"James is right, I am safe here." Thomas hummed in satisfaction. "And I can't wait to go to Henry's forest with him." He smiled, the blush becoming a bit darker.

He puffed up the hill the leads towards the docks. A loud 'CRACK' was heard as he made it to the top of the hill. "Huh?" Thomas pondered, wondering what the crack was. Starting to go down the hill, he put on his breaks only to have his eyes widen in fear. His breaks had stopped working.

"On! On! On! On!" The cars laughed as they started to push Thomas down the hill.

"Stop!" Thomas cried out in fear as he tried to make his breaks work. "Help!" He called out as he fireman and driver started to pull down on the break lever. Thomas panicked as the goods train continued to push him down the tracks at dangerous speed. He thought about the time when he took Edward's goods train years ago and had the same thing happen to him as it did now. Speeding down the tracks, he noticed a blue tender engine puffing down the tracks next to his. "Edward! Help!" Thomas cried out as he sped past Sodor's number 2 engine.

"Thomas?!" Edward gasped in shock as he watched his brother sped past him. Narrowing his eyes in determination, he sped down the tracks, following him. Panting a bit, he eventually caught up to Thomas.

"I can't stop!" Thomas cried out as he looked at his brothers. His wheels ached from the speed he was traveling as he felt sick to his boiler. "My breaks broke, and the cars keep pushing me!" He yelled out worriedly.

"I'll try to stop you!" Edward panted as his driver slowly climbed onto his running plate. He did this once before when some kids were messing with James' controls, causing him to become a runaway. The number 2 engine panted as he kept himself slightly in front of Thomas but watched as Thomas slowly got in front of him. Edward's wheels ached as he puffed his pistons as fast as he could, trying to catch him as he driver slowly climbed back into Edward's cab.

Both Thomas and Edward could see Brendam Docks coming into view and the tank engine felt a sinking feeling enter his boiler. He whimpered as he continues to try use his breaks, even though he knew it wouldn't work. Both engines flew into the docks but what they saw in front of them caused their bodies to go cold. In front of them was the huge puddle of smelt, still flaming hot as the steam and heat rose into the air. They also noticed the metals pipes scattered across the tracks, some melting while sitting in the puddle.

Thomas' eyes widen in fear as he stares at the smelt getting closer and closer. The images from his nightmare just last night flashed into his mind. He could hear Frankie's and Hurricane's laughter as he felt the heat of the smelt got closer as he fell from the magnet. He cried out as tears fell from his eyes.

"Thomas!" Edward, Henry, Cranky, Carly, and Salty yelled out in fear as they watched the tank engine heading straight towards the molten smelt puddle.

Edward bit his lip fearfully as he looks at the broken face of Thomas. The tears falling and the look of absolute fear on his face made Edward's boiler ache. Looking ahead of him, he noticed a metal pipe laying across the track he was on. He was about to use his breaks when an idea flew into his funnel. He took a deep breath as he sped down the tracks, slowly passing Thomas as he heads straight towards the pipe.

"Edward!" Henry cried out worriedly, watching as his sapphire sped up towards the metal pipe instead of slowing down.

'Oh Lady, please let this work.' Edward thought as he sped as fast as his could. His driver and fireman jumped out of his cab when he ran into the pipe.

He groaned in pain as he felt his front wheels break and bend upon hitting the pipe at full speed. The pipe rolled under him, causing his wheels to crack and his coupling rods break. He closed his eyes as he felt himself tipping onto his side. Thomas gasped as he watched his brother hit the metal pipe head on. He was confused on why he did that, and his eyes widen as he watched the number 2 engine start to derail onto his side, straight at him. Thomas closed his eyes as he felt Edward fall onto him, the force causing him to derail on his side as well.

Some of the troublesome cars fell onto their side while the rest just crashed into each other. Thomas groaned as he slowly skidded to a stop, away from smelt. Coughing a bit from the dust, he slowly opened his eyes, only to widen them in fear as he watched his older brother. Henry, Salty and Cranky also looked on in fear as Edward, laying on his side, slid into the smelt, coming to a stop in the middle.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The loud, agonizing scream left Edward's mouth as he felt the molten steel start to melt his body. He felt his wheels melting like butter as his running plate, boiler, coupling rods started to sink slightly from how much the smelt was melting him. He clenched his eyes shut as he felt the smelt start to burn the right side of his face. Never has he felt so much pain at this intensity in his life before. The water in his boiler bubbled faster from the heat of the smelt that it felt like his entire body was engulfed in flames. His tender box had detached itself from him as it laid near the edge off the smelt puddle, it to was melting as the pile of coal caught on fire from the heat.

Sirens could be heard getting closer, despite Edward's agonizing screams, as the Search and Rescue Team arrived. Belle and Flynn gasped at that sight of their friend slowly being melted alive. Without hesitation, they quickly aimed their water cannons at Edward and the spilled smelt and started firing water at the scene. Steam quickly rose up and covered the entire area when the smelt was instantly cooling down from the cold water. Cracking and snapping sounds could be heard within the steamed covered area as the melted tracks and Edward was cooled down. Within minutes, Belle and Flynn ceased their water cannons once all the spilt smelt was completely cooled down.

Thomas quickly moved his eyes around as felt Rocky slowly pulling him into an upright position. Worriedly looking around, his eyes widen as a gasp left his mouth. In front of him laid Edward. His beautiful blue livery was scorched and bubbly from the heat of the smelt. His tender box was burnt when the coal had caught on fire and the livery was almost completely black. Cracks covered Edward's body was the harden smelt encased the parts of Edward it covered in a harden case. His wheels were cracked and broken as half of his funnel was melted. But what made Thomas start to panic was the lack of sound the came from his older brother.

"Edward…" Thomas cried out as tears fell from his eyes. He clenched his eyes shut and gritted his teeth, causing more tears to fall.

"EDWARD!"

[reviewsbykarla]

my favorite albums of 2019

it's december 30th and you thought i forgot!! here are my favorite albums of 2019 organized by time of year they were significant in my life, with a few choice words on each. I spent a large part of the year listening back to older stuff and not particularly into anything new, but with fall came albums that defined the rest of my year. 2019 was a year of positive change for me and reaffirmed to me that with tragedy comes growth. don't forget it!

find an extensive playlist of my favorite songs from 2019 here: open.spotify.com/playlist/0ZgjOmyLpLFAp1xxEa0e5j

Assume Form by James Blake (January-March)

The song "I'll Come Too" was a topic of discussion for a while amongst me and my best music nerd friend. He thinks it's about someone finding true, lasting love. I think it's about the intensity of orgasm with someone you truly love. Thoughts?

Purple Mountains by Purple Mountains (July-August, December)

David Berman has always been an influential songwriter in my life. When I first heard this album, I felt so sad; It sounded like he had given up on life. When he committed suicide soon after its release, I couldn't bring myself to listen to this album again for months. It's so tragic, that sometimes death is the only thing that can give you life.

Immunity by Clairo (August-October)

I had low expectations for this album and I was completely surprised. The production quality is so high and the style of the album overall felt very original. Clairo is a really great lyricist able to write relatable songs and working with Rostam was a really good move on her part. While I loved the album and had it on non-stop repeat, her live show was the worst show I have ever seen in my entire life. I'm sorry.

Essentials by Erika de Casier (August-September)

This album is SO good. It slaps in all the right places and is reminiscent of 90s hip-hop r&b, but better. Listening to this is like walking through a candy shop and getting all of your favorite things.

House of Sugar by Alex G (September-December)

I love Alex G. Always have, always will. I genuinely think he is one of the greatest artists of my lifetime. This is his best album yet hands down. I can't even begin to tell you why, but please listen to it. Go birds.

Pang by Caroline Polachek (October-December)

Wow! Pang is a masterpiece. If I had to pick a #1 album of the year, it's Pang. Caroline Polachek wrote Pang coming out of her divorce. Each song hits hard lyrically, both simple and complex at the same time. The production is incredible and the album is as niche as it is accessible. The perfect album.

Iowa dream by Arthur Russell (November-December)

Arthur Russell was a genius. Towards the end of 2019 I was reverting back to my old folk-rock sensibilities, Iowa Dream coming out at the exact right time. I felt nostalgic, content, excited. Every song on this album is beautiful and touching. I hope there is more to come from Russell's thousands of unreleased recordings.

Information by Galcher Lustwerk (December)

This album is hot. Every track is thick with beats that make me feel like jello. Play this at the club and get close with that cutie you want to dance with.

Zdenka 2080 by Salami Rose Joe Louis (December)

I only recently found this album and I immediately fell in love with it. It's so beautiful, minimalist and slightly haunting. An experimental album of this variety always tugs at my heart strings, reinforces butterflies in my stomach, makes me want to swim in a lake at midnight under a starry sky with the person I love.

[therappundit]

PUNDIT PICKS: THE CREAM of the Crop - continued... [My Favorite SONGS of 2024 (*so far*)]

ICYMI, my favorite album list from Jan. - Aug.: https://therappundit.tumblr.com/post/763889760563576832/pundit-picks-the-cream-of-the-crop-my-favorite

***Please note: the selections on this list had to have dropped by 8/31/24, FYI***

Yikes. This has been a doozy of a week, to say the least.

But the show must go on, and back in June/July I began compiling what would become my ongoing “best of” list for 2024, with every intention of dropping said list by the end of the summer...aaaaaand it is now October. In my defense, it has often felt like summer over the past few weeks (just one of many red flags to rise that potentially indicate that the world is finally ready to shake us off)...so is it that crazy to be dropping a "summer blowout" list as we sail into Thanksgiving territory???

Meh. Don't answer that - let's just get to the music. Here are my favorite rap SONGS of 2024, ***as of Labor Day weekend***....

MORE OF MY FAVORITE SONGS: "place i rep" by Remy Banks, "Banded Up" by Chief Keef feat. Tierra Whack, "Complications" by Reiiki APOLLO, "HOO" by LIFEOFTHOM, "Bonnet" by TiaCorine, "ALAMODE" by CJ Fly & Stoic, "Type Shit" by Future & Metro Boomin feat. Travis Scott & Playboi Carti, "Curtis Jackson" by C Stunna feat. Skrilla, "Pedal tha Ave" by Wiseboy Jeremy & Kirti Pandey, "Shining Brighter" by Quelle Chris, Denmark Vessey & Pink Siifu, "DUMMY" by JUNECINEMA feat. RoBB, Chow & rivan, "Rotation" by BagChaser Reke feat. 2Real, Rufus Sims, "Custard Spoon" by Cavalier, "Humpty" by Semiratruth, "NOTT" by Hitkidd, Key Glock & Doe Boy, "Money Problems" by Nino Paid feat. Lil Gray, "Colors" by Remble feat. Mozzy & Stoneda5th, "6ix Times 2Day" by BabyChiefDoit, "proper vertigo" by mynameisntjack feat. Sol ChYld, "euphoria" by Kendrick Lamar, "Fisherrr (Remix)" by Cash Cobain & Bay Swag feat. Ice Spice, "Cullinan Gang" by Nasaan feat. Icewear Vezzo, "Doubles" by Sasco feat. Big Flowers, "Grandmother's Lessons" by Your Old Droog, "Penmanship" by Kooley High & Tuamie, "THAT'S HARD" by Anycia feat. Cash Cobain, "Super Rufus" by Rufus Sims & Billionaire Boyscout, "LIBERATION" by Mutant Academy feat. Quelle Chris, "See The Sunset" by Nick Satchel & dp0mmy

24. "12:50 in New York" by Chuckyy

(Probably my favorite flow in rap right now, the "new school" Chicago drill MC is blessed with a delivery that I can only describe as a "menacing auctioneer flow".)

23. "Amanda Seals" by ReallyHiiiM feat. B.A Badd & Boldy James

(Concrete hard ReallyHiiim beat, featuring some classic basement Boldy and B.A Badd vibes.)

22. "MESCALINE" by LaRussell & CAM CORTEZ

(LaRussell is one of the hardest working rappers in hip-hop today, so he has had plenty of high points in 2024, but the way he bounces over this "Grindin"-esque beat puts this joint over the top. LaRussell brings a breath of positivity into his music that the west coast sound is really benefting from right now.)

21. "Ray Vaughn" by Ray Wop

(Ray's recent run has added some teeth back to TDE that they lost when Kendrick moved on.)

20. "INFORMATION AGE" by No Label

(A NYC based crew that you absolutely need to keep on your radar.)

19. "SINCE I WAS LIL" by JasonMartin & DJ Quik feat. Curren$y, Bun B & Jay Worthy

(Classic westside head nodder with veteran reps from other cities. Dope album from Quik & the artist formerly known as Problem, if you haven't peeped it yet.)

18. "MLK" by Myaap & Nedarb

(Myaap has been one of my favorite artists out of Milwaukee since last year's "h.t.s. (Hit That Shit)", her records are fun as hell.)

17. "PAYMEAGRIP" by Ovrkast. & Cardo Got Wings

(His star keeps rising, as the barriers between sub-genres in rap music continue to fall. Ovrkast. has already proven to be one of the most impactful young producers doing it today.)

16. "Match That" by BRISTACKZ

(Another attention grabbing artist out of Milwaukee, rapping like a trap Missy Elliot, experimental in a similar vein as Certified Trapper, and like Trapper, Bristackz records might miss the mark...but when she hits, she hits real hard.)

15. "I'm G (OMG)" by Blu & Shafiq Husayn

(Funky, hard joint - with a perfect Easter egg of a movie sample worked into the hook.)

14. "Dream Blunt Rotation" by Rich Jones & Sleep Sinatra/SINAI. feat. AJ Suede, Qari & J.U.S

(As smooth of a dope posse cut as you're going to hear, coming from a diverse collection of some of the underground scene's finest.)

13. "Trippin" - Bossman DLow

(As contagious as mainstream rap can get today, and I'm still laughing at "I pullin' up in a what the fuck kinda car is that?")

12. "SONJE" by Mach-Hommy. feat. Hephzibah

(I went back and forth trying to choose which Mach song to include here, but in my mind this luscious instrumental best represents the strong vibes that run across #RICHAXXHAITIAN.)

11. "Rocafella Chain" by Grafh feat. Freeway, Peedi Crakk & Memphis Bleek

(A dope Roc-A-Fella themed posse cut is not what I expected to hear in 2024, but I couldn't be happier that it exists.)

10. "Gank Move" by Big Hit, Hit-Boy & The Alchemist feat. HitgirlLENA

(Hits that sweet spot between smooth west coast rider music and underground grime, and when that combination works well, there aren't many soundscapes capable of yielding a stronger outcome. This album's aesthetic is peak chemistry between Hit-Boy & The Alchemist, and I hope that all of the challenges facing Big Hit today end up in his rearview soon, because this talented family still has a lot to share with the world.)

9. "Psalm" by 7xvethegenius feat. Jae Skeese

(If 7xvethegenius wasn't high up on your radar before I sure hope she is now. 7xve packs all of the skills of a traditional "conscious MC" without sounding the least bit trapped within those constraints, she's an exceptional writer that knows how to corral the thoughts of a woman that's trying to excel in rap music in 2024, and that in and of itself, provides endless material. 7xvethegenius is the true MVP on Drumwork's team..yup, I said it!)

8. "Lost Angel" by Blu & Evidence

("This album is dedicated to L.A., and everybody who helped me get home, every step of the way." Blu and Evidence's Los Angeles album is easily one of the best rap albums of 2024, and even though it's a skip-free ride that showcases Blu's gifts as a presence on the mic and Ev's - somehow still underappreciated - incredible mastery over the production of this album, it's this loosie that the duo dropped earlier this year that perfectly captures Blu's heartbreak, and subsequent rise from the ashes of his painful past to release some of the best art of his already impressive career.)

7. "Yea Yea" by Star Bandz

(With certain records...you just know it as soon as you hear it. The beat, the swagger of the MC, thay MC's voice...on "Yea Yea" every box is checked. And Chicago's young rising star, appropriately named Star Bandz, has breakout potential written all over her.)

6. "expensive piss" - shemar & Child Actor

(Hazy, unrestrained, and representing some of the best indy music out there today, capturing some of the best traits of the boom-bap era but adding they're own twist to it, the combination of shemar and Child Actor yields a sound that I hope to hear a lot more of in the future.)

5. "The Harder They Come" by YUNGMORPHEUS & Alexander Spit

(The teeth of YUNGMORPHEUS's pen paired with the soothing palette of Alexander Spit, hit me in a special place when I first heard this song earlier in the year. The whole album they did together is great, but this one has stayed with me all year long as one of the strongest examples of hip-hop music being in great hands today.)

4. "Collection Plate" by Ka

(Still shocked to be writing this as the last time to ever be discussing a new Ka record. If The Thief Next to Jesus is to be remembered as the Brownsville poet's swan song, what a bittersweet beautiful farewell to behold. "Collection Plate" was the immediate favorite for me, as it captures Ka's knack for simple but highly effective hooks, sharply written verses without one word wasted, all of it dragged over a rolling organ that paints the picture of a Brooklyn evangelist better than anyone else ever could. 52 years was far from long enough, but thank you for all of the art you gave to the world while you were here, Kaseem.)

3. "Free Jesus" by Mike Shabb feat. Navy Blue

(Not totally sure of what the song means, but I felt it deeply from the moment that Shabb posted a snippet from the studio with Navy. I’d like to think that it’s a statement about how tales from the streets can escalate to God-like levels of exaggeration, and the fragile line separating the exaltation of idols from the reality…but whatever it means to you, it’s a potent attention grabber.)

2. "Zayre" by Previous Industries [Open Mike Eagle, Video Dave, STILL RIFT]

(One of many standout records from this trio, but for my money's worth, this joint captures what is so special about the whole album: nostalgia for "the way things used to be" has never sounded more peaceful and content with the present.)

1. "Doves" by Armand Hammer feat. Benjamin Booker

("It's cold again..." Truth be told, I didn't think Armand Hammer's 2023 AOTY We Buy Diabetic Test Strips needed another song to make if that much stronger, but here we are. Maybe the greatest songs that I have ever heard added to an album long after it dropped, "Doves" captures both the beauty and pain of loss. It would be a bleak song as cold as the heart of winter if it wasn't coming from the powerful duo of billy woods and ELUCID, who excel at showing us glimpses of their hearts shining through dark clouds. And the crackle of that Benjamin Booker hook takes this moment to another level.)