#jackknife comedy

[heroesofcrash]

7/15/23 - Costume Party Wallpaper!

TheHeroesOfCRASH.com

Ken Bailey's prize request is now a treat for you all before I take a quick vacation: a wallpaper available for download right now!  Comic fillers will resume July 29th.

[adultswim2021]

Superjail #2: “Superbar” | September 28, 2008 - 11:45PM | S01E01

Superjail! It’s back, baby! The darling of The Night of 1000 Pilots roars back onto our small screens. Glad to have it back; It’s been a very long time since I’ve watched through this show, and I’m not entirely positive I saw every single episode.

Superjail is formulaic. But, it’s also very, very funny and well animated, so you rarely feel how formulaic it is. Jailbot apprehends the recidivist Jackknife who commits crimes in the real world. Jailbot brings Jackknife to Superjail. A Thematic story unfolds that builds towards a big fight filled with violent sight-gags. Jackknife is seen escaping in the background. Repeat. 

In this one, Jackknife is at a carnival on a pier, where he darts a guy in the face to steal the carnival prize and tries to make a getaway on a rich family’s speedboat. Jailbot shows up in boat form and takes Jackknife away. 

At Superjail, the Warden wants to ask Alice out for a drink. For this to happen, he needs to build a bar in Superjail, which he does. This hearkens back to Bar Fight, Christy Karacas and  Stephen Warbrick’s 2001 short film that is set in a bar where a crazy fight breaks out. I’m pretty sure I mentioned this on the write-up for Superjail’s Bunny Love pilot, but it’s basically a prototype for this show.

The Warden gets jealous when Alice agrees to meet him at Superjail’s new watering hole, but brings a date; a prisoner she wants to bone. The prisoner is not there on his own accord; in fact he at one point bites his own head off to free himself from bondage when Alice ties him up at the bar. Despite now being a severed head squirming around on the bar counter, the Warden still tries to drunkenly pick a fight with him.

One of the bar patrons is disgusted by the condition of the men’s room (where a pile of naked prisoners are playing a lewd game of Twister), so he enters the pristine and empty ladies room. He gets fed up with an animatronic wall-display of the Warden and punches it, which puts a hole through the wall. That’s when he finds out that Superjail’s Seagate is just on the other side of the bathroom, and he enacts a plan to escape through it. 

Jared, a recovering alcoholic who is cruelly shoved into the role of Superjail’s bartender, winds up getting a drop of alcohol on his tongue which triggers a full-on relapse. He bitterly goes into the Warden’s office while puzzled on hooch and starts pushing random buttons, one of which open the seagate, causing the ocean to rush into Superjail’s bar and spurring the episode’s customary themed melee. This involves Jellyfish, Swordfish, Tridents wielded by mermen on sea horses, piranhas, et al. The part where the squid squirts so much ink it fills the entire screen is really cool. The show is very good at mixing up the visuals to keep things engaging. 

Jackknife escapes, and he creepily visits the teenage daughter of the rich family, in a final scene that looks like it’s more from a horror movie than a comedy. It’s difficult to watch comedy of almost any significant vintage and think YOU COULD NEVER MAKE BLAZING SADDLES, I MEAN, SUPERJAIL TODAY! But the show’s spirit is so fun despite it’s unpleasant-on-paper subject matter that it’s difficult to get truly mad at it. I said a lot of this in the Bunny Love. This applies to Alice, the walking trans joke. As misguided as some of that humor may seem today, I get the sense that the creators of the show like her as a character, and she's rarely (if ever) misgendered by her co-workers. It's not perfect, but it's not nothing.

There’s also a new prisoner guy, I think. He’s the guy who punches the hole in the wall. Maybe he was in “Bunny Love” but I remember thinking “oh, this is the main character on this show, now” the first time I saw this. He sorta seemed like an attempt to make a likable main prisoner guy. It’s the one added element to this show that felt like the biggest evolution from pilot to series. It’s fairly subtle, but it stuck out to me. It sorta makes the show feel more like a sitcom and less like an artsy-but-funny short film like Bunny Love does. 

Stray stuff: I think my favorite joke on this is when Alice shoves a plate of hot wings into a prisoner’s face, and it melts his skin off, so he dunks his whole head into a big barrel of bleu cheese to cool off. The Twins are in this, but they just sorta observe. At one point they go shirtless, and you can see they have quadruple nips. Didn't catch a Sealab 2021 reference when the prisoners were observing the underwater civilization, which I consider to be a good thing, fuck Sealab.

This episode is very good, and if it were my introduction to the series I’d probably be pretty impressed with it. But I feel the same way watching this as I do watching Robocop 2; that it’s about 80% as good as the original, but the original is one of the best things ever made, so it’s still satisfying. 

EPHEMERA CORNER:

MAIL BAG:

KON writes:

The Robin Bain bit (specifically her being nude and uncensored on DVD) never quite sat right with me because it seemed like it was by design a way to get easy-access nude tits into the hands of every 12 year old boy. Though I guess most kids would have had smartphones or at least unfettered internet access by then. And I didn't complain when the Whitest Kids I Like did it. Still, weird!

Yes, I agree! I think it's weird and suspicious when a show that doesn't have a built-in outlet for sleaze suddenly has sleaze in it. Not that I am saying nude female presenting nipples are SLEAZY, per-se, I just mean they are when Seth Green is involved.

[caerbannogmochi]

Okay so I'm really excited about the adventure I'm about to run for my VtM group and I'd kind of like to be able to talk about it so I'm just going to do that here.

In short, I'm about to put 4 vampires on a boat, potentially with some mortals to help pilot the thing. This is either going to be 30 minutes of reasonable choices or 3 weeks of slapstick comedy. I don't think anything summarizes what I'm about to put the PCs through better than the boat ramp.

First comes meeting with the skipper. They can either go it alone, ask for help from an NPC who has hired them before... or they can go bug the Tremere's (human) nemesis. The lattermost option involves asking this guy's niece to talk him into it. Quoth the notes: "Naturally, she’s in: Cyrus [The PC whose nemesis she's related to] is on a job, he needs her uncle’s boat, she’s curious about both how their rivalry started and about how they do their jobs, and she’s open. Before she goes to ask him, she’ll mention they should probably stock up: water travel isn’t tough, but there aren’t many good places to dock and if they run out of supplies it’ll be hard to restock. This is a trap. Every hour the PCs spend between asking Jasmine [the niece] and heading out with Jerry [the nemesis in question], a new crewmate will be invited. [...] At the 9 hour mark, Bella [The friendly NPC with a boat they could have asked] will call Cyrus, telling him 'So a little birdie told me you were going boating. Tell me everything.' [...] Somebody told her friends, who told the birdie in question, who promptly told EVERYBODY. She summarizes the situation as '...You’re gonna need another boat. I’ll be over soon.'" More likely than not, the boat ramp will be where they discover the crew is noticeably larger than they expected. Which, given how this group can start shit in an empty room, will lead to mayhem.

The boat ramp proper (once they get to it) is a simple proposition: back a trailer down a boat ramp. Anyone who has done this knows that it's a deceptively simple proposition. They'll either have to get 3+ successes on one roll, OR they'll have to jackknife and shove the boat down that ramp. I have titled this section "45' of mayhem" because the number of dice the driver gets is directly correlated with how many civilized people are helping. The aforementioned absurdly large crew will make things faster. 4 PCs will spend more time suffering as they contemplate where it all went wrong.

Eventually, they'll actually get their boat in the water. Yay! Hope they remembered to close the drain plug, or they'll be reenacting Captain Jack Sparrow's introduction very shortly.

Once they've gotten a seaworthy vessel in the water (preferably without discovering the worst way to wash a boat), they'll load their cargo and set sail! I'll be keeping track of everything they said they'd bring... but more importantly, everything they didn't. Hopefully they put rope (good luck traversing the lock and/or docking without it), cell phone chargers (Half the PCs need USB-C and the other half use Lightning Cable), a map (with compass), extra fuel, and lifejackets (It's a good thing vampires don't need to breathe, right?).

My mother taught me how to pack for trips, and I am using this knowledge for Chaotic Neutral.

[laresearchette]

Monday, December 05, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: TMZ’S MERRY ELFIN CHRISTMAS (CHCH/Fox Feed/Check Local Listings) 8:00pm HIS DARK MATERIALS (HBO Canada) 9:00pm DELICIOUSNESS (MTV Canada) 9:30pm

WHAT IS NOT PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT?: BACK IN THE GROOVE (TBD) BARMAGEDDON (TBD)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

CBC GEM AVOIDANCE

CRAVE TV HIS DARK MATERIALS (Season 3, Episodes 1-2) I’M GLAD IT’S CHRISTMAS WOMEN WHO ROCK (Episodes 1-4)

NETFLIX CANADA DJANGO UNCHAINED MIGHTY EXPRESS: MIGHTY TRAINS RACE THE QUEEN THE RIGHT KIND OF WRONG

FIBA WORLD CUP SOCCER (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 9:45am: Round of 16: Japan vs. Croatia (TSN/TSN3/TSN4/TSN5) 1:45am: Round of 16: Brazil vs. Korea Republic (TSN2) 8:00pm: Match of the Day

G LEAGUE BASKETBALL (TSN2) 11:00am: Greensboro vs. Raptors 905

SAVING CHRISTMAS SPIRIT (CTV Life) 7:00pm: An archaeologist lets Christmas magic into her heart and finds both history and love.

NBA BASKETBALL   (TSN4/TSN5) 7:30pm: Celtics vs. Raptors (SN Now) 8:30pm: Suns vs. Mavericks

CHILDREN RUIN EVERYTHING (CTV) 8:00pm: Astrid wants some time to herself as James struggles to catch up on weeks' worth of laundry; with Astrid's sister's family on vacation, the vacant house looks like both the escape Astrid needs and the place where James can get chores done.

SCENTSATIONAL CHRISTMAS (City TV) 8:00pm:  Sparks fly between a beautiful perfumer and a handsome writer as they work together to save her father's candle business.

NFL FOOTBALL (TSN/TSN3) 8:15pm: Saints vs. Buccaneers

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 8:30pm: Capitals vs. Oilers (SN1) 9:30pm: Coyotes vs. Flames (SNPacific/TSN2) 10:30pm: Habs vs. Canucks

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET (CBC) 9:00pm:  An adwoman's (Maureen O'Hara) lawyer boyfriend (John Payne) tries to prove that Macy's Santa Claus (Edmund Gwenn) is the real thing.

HIGHWAY THRU HELL (Discovery Canada) 9:00pm: Aggressive Towing mobilizes both rotators to help MSA on back-to-back recoveries; two young Reliable Mission up-and-comers are hours from civilization when a backroad recovery goes into night; Greg is helped by Jamie on a jackknife in winter.

DRAIN THE OCEANS (Nat Geo Canada) 9:00pm: The Secrets of Pompeii's Dead: New discoveries reveal how a volcano killed the citizens of Pompeii.

WOMEN WHO ROCK (Crave) 9:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): Digging into the turbulent roots of rock 'n' roll in the 1950s and '60s with Mavis Staples, Janis Joplin, Chaka Kahn and more; with supporting commentary from Norah Jones, Tina Weymouth, Rickie Lee Jones, Kate Pierson, Merry Clayton and others.

MUD MOUNTAIN HAULERS (Discovery Canada) 10:00pm: Craig and the crew are back in camp to log Saddle Ridge; the crew discovers the block is chock full of boulders, making it impossible to log; one of the Glover's winch machines spews thick white smoke; they receive bad news from the government.

ACTING GOOD (CTV Comedy) 10:30pm: Paul goes into a tailspin when he discovers his mom Agnes and Ed are dating; Brady is suspended and under the watchful eye of upper management.

[jackknifecomedy]

JACKKNIFE COMEDY #53 - The Creek & The Cave - 11/3/2018 With comedians Katie Hannigan, Pedro Gonzalez, Andy Erikson, Ayo Edebiri, Jim Search, Kristin Manna, David Sitrick, Julia Claire and Zach Sims! See more photos from the show here!

[gdwessel]

Road To Wrestle Grand Slam Night 4 - 5/26/2021: Okada Makes Surprise Appearance; Feliz Aniversarios Tetsuya Naito (and Happy Belated Birthday YOSHI-HASHI); Ospreay Gives Vague Update; Tide May Be Turning In Japan

The tour without an event to be on a Road To has had its concluding show, and you can see it now on NJPWWorld. Prior to the start of the card, Kazuchika Okada made a surprise appearance, asking everyone how they were doing, and reiterating that he was the next challenger for the IWGP World Heavyweight title, no matter who he has to face to have that challenge. Okada v. Shingo for the belt at Dominion seeming very likely. Okada said backstage regarding his COVID-19 status, “The company has decided to keep everybody’s names private… although I went and blabbed on my own, heh.” Seems pretty on-brand.

Results:

- 5/26/2021, Tokyo Korakuen Hall (NJPWWorld)

Shingo Takagi [Los Ingobernables] d. Yota Tsuji (Referee Stoppage, 11:09) 

Hiroshi Tanahashi, Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Master Wato d. Yujiro Takahashi, Chase Owens & Taiji Ishimori [Bullet Club] (Tanahashi > Yujiro, Texas Cloverleaf, 10:58)

Tama Tonga & Tanga Loa [Bullet Club] d. Zack Sabre Jr. & DOUKI [SZKG] (Loa > DOUKI, Powerbomb, 11:56)

Jeff Cobb & Great O-Khan [United Empire] d. Kota Ibushi & Tomoaki Honma (Cobb > Honma, Tour Of The Islands, 12:04)

Tetsuya Naito & SANADA [Los Ingobernables] d. Hirooki Goto & YOSHI-HASHI [CHAOS] (Naito > YOSHI-HASHI, Jackknife Hold, 23:24)

Naito challenged YOSHI-HASHI/Goto/Tomohiro Ishii to defend the NEVER Openweight Comedy 6-Man Tag Team titles against Naito/SANADA/BUSHI, which YOSHI-HASHI accepted. Ironic this -- yesterday was Nobuo Yoshihashi’s 39th birthday, whilst today is not one but three anniversaries for Tetsuya Naito: his debut on 5/26/2006, his arrival in Mexico on 5/26/2009, and probably most crucially, his acceptance of La Sombra’s offer to join Los Ingobernables on 5/26/2015. Happy belated birthday to YOSHI-HASHI and feliz aniversario to Naito.

The GOD hit a Magic Killer on Sabre post-match. Shingo basically beat the piss out of poor Tsuji. Shingo is definitely wrestling Okada for that vacant title.

Yesterday, Will Ospreay tweeted out what is supposed to be an X-ray of his neck, and yeah, that looks kinda messed up. Today, he tweeted a vague update that “things ain’t looking good,” and he may have spinal issues as well as neck issues.  Whatever the truth is, it seems it’s somewhere in between he is injured and the rumors of his being pissed off/homesick/depressed/you pick. As the truth usually is. We’ll see where this goes, but it’s obvious NJPW has other ideas at the moment.

Whether or not NJPW will be running up against the Tokyo Olympics is another story, as the tide of public opinion is turning against them, and now sponsors are getting involved. The major newspaper Asahi Shimbun, one of the sponsors of this Olympiad, has posted an editorial declaring the Games must be cancelled. When one of the country’s biggest daily publications, who have thrown money at the event, is saying this can’t happen because of the pandemic and the divisions this will make in society, you know it’s time to hang it up. Reports are that the government will be deciding Friday 5/28/2021 on another extension, or even tightening, of the state of emergency.

In the meantime, with the Tokyo Dome show postponed, the next scheduled NJPW event is on Tuesday 6/1/2021 from Tokyo Korakuen Hall, the first Road to Dominion show. No lineups are out for that yet. Stay tuned.

Days Of Thunder + Strong Style History Present: Collision In Korea

[ask-de-writer]

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT : Part 30 of 83 : World of Sea

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

SEA DRAGON’S GIFT

Part 30 of 83

by

De Writer (Glen Ten-Eyck)

140406 words

copyright 2020

written 2007

All rights reserved.

Reproduction in any form, physical, electronic or digital is prohibited without the express consent of the author.

//////////////

Copyright fair use rules for Tumblr users

Users   of Tumblr.com are specifically granted the following rights.  They may   reblog the story provided that all author and copyright information   remains intact.  They may use the characters or original characters in   my settings for fan fiction, fan art works, cosplay, or fan musical   compositions.

All sorts of fan art, cosplay, music or fiction is actively encouraged.

///////////////////////

New to the story?  Read from the beginning.  PART 1 is here

///////////////////////

When Everything was readied to the diver’s satisfaction, she waddled to the rail in her flips and went over the side, hitting the water on her back.  She went under and surfaced head first.  After several deep breaths, she blew out all that she could and sounded like an Orca whale, jackknifing down, flips shooting straight up into the air.  She disappeared into the dark water.  Over three minutes later, she burst up through the surface, almost to her waist and sank back, just her head out of the water, breathing deeply again.  

She steadied and called, “The bow-cable is secure.  Lift fifteen feet with the big crane!”

They lifted as directed and the diver sounded again.  Shortly, she was back up.  While she was getting her breath, she signaled with a circled thumb and forefinger.  

“Lift twenty five feet with the portable crane!  Pull easy, there’s going to be a lot of water resistance.”  When they had done it, she went back down and looked to see that all was well before they hoisted the boat up.

The mast tip broke water with the forlorn, drowned lantern still hanging from it.  In minutes the cabin roof was in view and then the fore-deck and flooded cockpit.

“Hold!” called the diver and the cranes stopped.  “Get a bilge-pump!” She flipped her feet up and dove.  This close to the surface, they could see her stroking in a leisurely way with her feet and shooting the length of the boat, turning and coming back along the other side of it.  Surfacing again, she called, “Belay that pump!  Lift the stern, gently! — — Good!  Now lift all, dead slow!”  

She just lay back and floated, watching as the boat came up.  Water gushed in a foaming torrent from a perfectly round, six inch hole close to the bows and low on the bottom.

Chapter 9: The Dragon’s Kin

When Kurin and Sula went to the bazaar, about noon, they were greeted on all sides by whispers of, “There she is!  She’s the one that maps the bottom!  That’s why the Longin is doing so well!” and many other variants of that.  Including, “The Longin has a new Luck!” There were also malicious whispers of which the kindest was “Witch!” said by a group of Fauline sailors, looking at Kurin venomously.

There was a knot of Captains about Captain Mord, in front of the Council Pavilion.  Captain Sula strode through the group with such assurance that they gave way before her.  Kurin followed.  Reaching Mord, Sula turned to the other Captains, raised her hands for attention and said bluntly, “This is unseemly.  Let us go in and deal with your concerns in a quieter, more private, setting.”

She opened the flap of the Pavilion and held it while the other Captains filed in.  She took the center of the Council Circle, and turned until she had faced them all.  Only about a dozen of the over two hundred Captains of the Council were present, leaving many empty benches on the tiers of the cavernous pavilion about her.  She waved them all together into a close, intimate group.

Boldly, she said, “I have taken this liberty because I am not involved in your squabble.  What is the problem, that you assault Captain Mord in such a public fashion?  She pointed at the Captain of the Gula. You?”

“Rumor started yesterday that the Longin had some uncanny method of finding fish, and that is why she has been so successful.  We want her to cease its use and fish fairly, with the rest of us.”

Sula actually laughed, wiping an eye, she replied, “I did not expect comedy in such a Council as this.  Would it not make more sense to inquire how the fish were found, so that you could catch them, too?”

Several of the Captains gave hard looks at Barad, Captain of the Grandalor, and pointing said, “It was his idea to shut down the Longin’s fishing methods.  He called them witchcraft.”

“And you listened to him with no more proof than his word?  I have only been here with you folk for a few days, and already I have heard that he hates the Longin and her success.  

“I have heard as a food booth tale, told with much mirth, how he cheated himself of what has proved to be his best fishing waters while trying to swindle the Longin.  If this is what you use for evidence in this fleet, then twist a rope from the moonlight of Dorac, Carsis and Wohan.  We will use it to hang Captain Mord.  Captain Barad left his wits on dry land Gatherings ago, and now he has you beaching yours in his wake.”

“If you know so much,” asked the Captain of the Dolthin, sourly, “how do they catch so much more than the rest of us?”

“I would hazard a guess that they use lines and hooks and nets, like the rest of you.  They excel in knowing where to put them.”

Barad jumped on that, “And just how do they know where to fish? Witchcraft!  That’s how!”  He sat back with a self satisfied smirk.

“Actually, I think not,” replied Sula sarcastically.  “You should allow questions that you ask to be answered, instead of answering them yourself.  That method of inquiry leads you onto the reefs of unreason.  

“You must accept that the Great Sea Dragon, Blind Mecat, lived on board the Longin in human guise for nineteen Gatherings.  They may have learned from her, and now use their resources better than you.  

“Five Gatherings ago, the Dragon left, and in so doing, gave you absolute proof that at least two Great Sea Dragons are still about.  

“For the last five Gatherings, the Longin has been blessed with the Dragon’s kin.  The finding of the fish is her work, is it not?” She turned to Captain Mord as she asked the last.

He looked at her blankly, “The Dragon’s kin?  Cat had no children. We have not picked up any other — — What do you mean?”

Sula pulled Kurin to the fore.  “Here is the Dragon’s foster daughter. With her father dead and her mother gone mad beyond help, Kurin was taken in and raised for an entire Gathering by whom?  Blind Mecat. The Great Sea Dragon became her foster mother by the laws of both Winternight and the Corlis fleet.  Is not your law similar?”

A buzz of consternation showed that it was.  And that nobody had thought of it.

“So, now the question becomes this; do you reject the Dragon’s daughter and her gifts?  Will you risk the wrath of very real Dragons in the process or will you embrace her gifts, and in the bargain become wealthier?  I have no vote here, but I think the choice is obvious.”

Skua, Captain of the chronically poor Fauline asked jealously, “Will she do for us what she does for you, Captain Mord?  Exactly what is it that she does?”

“I will answer Captain Sula’s question first,” said Mord, nettled by Skua’s tone.  “Yes, Kurin has been responsible for our finding fish.  Unfortunately, it is far more complex than her simply pointing and saying ‘the fish are here or the fish are there.’”

Mord cast a jaundiced eye at the covetous Skua and scolded, “Skua, how we find the fish and the way that she helps us is protected Ship’s Business.  Our Master’s Council has studied the matter and determined that it is a skill, not a Craft.  She does not have to share it with anyone.  I can say that the part that is still secret involves something completely new in the way of dead-reckoning navigation.  She has been teaching some of us the skill, with varying degrees of success.”

Kurin tugged at Mord’s sleeve and whispered urgently in his ear for a few moments.  His eyebrows shot up and he smiled.  The assembled Captains did not like the look of that smile.  It was almost predatory.

When he spoke, they were sure of it.  “It is clear that a great part of the knowledge is no longer secret, due to a loose tongue.  The crew will vote this evening on how to share our knowledge and what parts of it to keep secret.  Tomorrow morning, here, I will tell you of the vote.  By the Articles of the Longin that is all that I am free to do at this time.”  He got up and taking Kurin by the hand, he walked out.  Kurin went to her booth and thanked Roper, who had opened and watched it for her.

TO BE CONTINUED

<==PREVIOUS   NEXT==>

Return to the Master Story Index

Return to World of Sea

[animebw]

Binge-Watching: Gintama, Episodes 296-299

In which I appreciate the finer details, everybody loves Kagura as much as I do, and we find ourselves on the cusp of history.

Antici.....pation

You can tell a lot about a show from how it handles the details. Pretty much every piece of entertainment will put their best foot forward when the big moments roll around. The climactic fights, the big confessions, the sweeping wide shots, the moments that stick most firmly in your mind once you��ve finished watching; everyone knows how important those are to nail, because flubbing your most critical moments means damaging the emotional stakes your audience has invested in you. But it takes real talent to give equal attention to the quiet moments, the incidental ramblings, the assorted bricabrac that few people will remember as strongly, but form the foundation upon which the big moments can really shine. Stories are built from the entire experience of watching them unfold, and the moments that suck you into the action before the fireworks are just as critical, if not more so, than the fireworks themselves. And it’s the attention paid to those details that separate a good story from a great one.

I bring this all up because while Gintama has always had an utterly fantastic handle over the minutia of its own sprawling universe and craft, the level of comedic precision on display in this batch of episodes is really something to behold. Timing is one of the most frustrating parts of writing for comedy, because it’s so hard to tell if you spaced the setup and punchline well enough until the joke is actually told, and by then it’s too late to go back and fix it if you were off by a couple centimeters. But when it’s there, it’s there, and the jokes in this stretch of episodes are about as perfectly punchy as Gintama has ever been. There’s just so much goddamn panache to how briskly it tosses out absurdities and quips, each one following so quickly on the heels of the setup that you barely have time to catch your breath before getting sucker-punched all over again. Literally five goddamn seconds into the first episode, and Kagura’s done-with-this-shit heat exhaustion face had me in stitches from the sheer suddenness of its existence. Or how about when Gintoki spills the ink over his manga page, and he spends a half minute of barely repressed silent horror trying to cover his mistake, only making it worse in the process? Or the escalating series of po-faced failures trying to repair a pair of legendary swords ( ”So this is the legendary jackknife...” ”WE’RE BACK TO SQUARE ONE!!!”)? Or Gintoki’s pithy comment ”Does gender even apply to hags?” instantly resulting in a beer bottle to the back of his head like it was spring-loaded in advance? This show is so goddamn in tune with the beat of its own drum that it can barrel breakneck through a slew of these gags in a row without breaking a sweat, and they all left me cackling on the floor. Beyond the explosive emotionality of its bigger arcs and the legendary character writing, Gintama is a show that 100% knows what it’s doing and how to do it, and that sentiment is clear in every single masterful stroke of its pen, no matter how small.

Do Androids Dream of Oil Rain?

And yes, that impeccable craft extends to the emotional moments as well as the comedic ones. It’s kind of funny to think about just how awe-inspiring Gintama’s larger arcs get, how much they turn my brain into complete and utter mush through sheer force of will, and yet my favorite individual episode in the whole goddamn show is still that 10-minute, almost wordless story of Kagura and her umbrella almost 200 episodes ago. But that’s the magic of this show: it can make the miniscule feel as titanic as the massive, just through how much it gets you to love these characters and care for the struggles they go through. And while Tama’s brief romance with a vending machine isn’t as instantly iconic as that utter tearjerker, it still comes from that same ethos, and packs just as potent an emotional punch. There’s always been something quietly tragic about Tama, how her machine brain’s logical, process-and-service-based thinking has made her self-sacrificing to a fault. She’s had to start from ground zero in terms of figuring out the terms of her own life, and how much of it she’s truly willing to give to others. Her becoming friends with a seemingly animate vending machine is proof both of just how far she’s come and how far she may have left to go; she’s able to empathize with these beings built to serve humans and approach them on terms that put them on equal footing, yet she still struggles with making connections outside that group. Plenty of stories have tangled with the idea of robotic autonomy before, but I’ve never seen a story consider the electric sheep conundrum with as much empathy as this one, with this much respect and love for what the robots themselves may truly desire.

And watching this wonderful, heartfelt mechanical soul grapple with that question, trying to give this worn out service machine a second chance at life on its own terms, makes for the kind of quietly poignant storytelling that has no right being as touching as it ends up being. I mean, this is a goddamn vending machine that cries cigarette packets out of nonexistent eyes that it shatters into its glass anew every time they start flowing again. That’s so ridiculous on its face, and yet it works. Because we trust Tama, and because she puts her faith in this machine’s right to be seen as a person, we put our faith in it too. We want to believe, like she does, that people, whether made of flesh or otherwise, have worth just by existing and providing company when you take shelter from the rain. We want to believe that life is worth that compassion, even if that life is a goddamn vending machine. I didn’t cry by the end, but my heart definitely felt a little more tender than when it started. Tama, you’re amazing. And I hope you find the peace you’re searching for.

Everybody Loves Kagura

But as much praise as I can heap on Tama and the fantastic perspective she brings to the narrative... yeah, you know the drill at this point. Kagura. Motherfucking Kagura, man. Every. Single. God. Damn. TIME. She’s on screen just rockets her further and further ahead of everyone else in my list of favorite Gintama characters. And my god, the way her character becomes the lynchpin of a two-epsiode mini arc where she fakes sickness to guilt her friends into showing more care to her might be the most ingenious meat use of her character yet. Seriously, think about it for a second; the entire basis of this arc is that Kagura wants everybody to be so distressed by the idea of her potentially dying that they never take her for granted again. The whole point is that this arc is reminding you just how goddamn important Kagura is by showing how the possibility of her absence utterly destroys literally everyone else who so much as shared a word with her in the past. Because Kagura isn’t just far and away the show’s best character, she’s far and away the single most unifying presence among the entire fucking cast. Everybody, myself included, loves this girl to death, so what better way to not-so-subtly remind the audience not to take her for granted than by forcing the characters themselves, however briefly, to confront how much she means to them in turn?

And sweet butterscotch eggnog on a hopscotch, the way it plays out might be the single most evil tonal whiplash this show has ever pulled. Because while the knowledge that she’s gonna be okay takes the potentially sour sting off watching her “suffer” with the knowledge that it’s all according to keikaku, her family and friends honest-to-god believe they’re watching the light of their lives die before their eyes. It forces you to see Gintoki, Shinpachi, Otose, and all the rest react as if they truly believe they’re about to lose her. And it. Pulls. No. Goddamn. Punches. Even once you find out she’s faking it, these episodes hurt. For the entire time Kagura was in the hospital, I was stuck in a constant gulf between wanting to laugh and wanting to cry. I have never seen the Odd Jobs crew this horrified, this hopeless, this desperate to deny the reality they see in front of them. Let’s not mince words: we are watching Gintoki as he is grappling with the fact that his daughter might be mere hours from death and it’s all his fault. And the show fully commits to that darkness. Even as insane as his attempts to keep her happy get (”You were so fast you went to a store in the future?!”), it all so clearly comes from being terrified for her well-being and caring so fucking much about her and wanting to do right by her and have faith that she’ll carry through because ”Kagura’s not the type to lose to mere sunlight!” even though he’s scared as hell and trying to run from every voice screaming in his head that there’s nothing he can do and JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH MY HEART IS BREAKING IN A MILLION PIECES FOR HIM

*ahem*

Because that’s the beautiful, achingly sincere truth behind Kagura’s ill-considered attempt to trick her friends into caring about her: they already did. They all care about her so. Fucking. Much. They care about her so much that Otae easily puts her distrust of Kondo aside to try and save her at a critical moment (”They usually mix like oil and water, why are they cooperating now of all times?!”). They care about her so much that Katsura and Hijikata let their feud settle for another day if it means doing right by her in death. Even motherfucking Okita, the sadist to end all sadists who drags her into funeral hell in the first place, who has sparred with her and fought with her since they first met, shows the kind of heartwrenching faith in her that can’t be written off as mere acting (”She ain’t gonna die until we settle things between us”). As cliche as it may sound, Kagura is the glue that brings every single goddamn person in Edo together with her unflinching, uncompromising, unapologetic sincerity, forging connections with everyone from Okita to Katsura long before those disparate factions ever considered fighting on the same side. She didn’t need to scare them into fearing for her life; everyone would happily die for her already. They’ll all stand by her side any day of the week, ready to face whatever challenge awaits with this blisteringly beautiful light by their side. And I’m so fucking happy she recognizes that truth now, because she deserves nothing but the best this world can offer her.

So thank you again, Kagura. Thank you for being as wonderfully, undeniably you as you are. Thank you for all the warmth you continue to share with me. God knows, I’ll be holding onto that light with all my strength from now on.

Because we’re about to dive headfirst into the darkness like never before.

INTO THE ABYSS MOTHERFUCKERS

Yes indeed, folks, I’ve been paying attention. I’ve been watching this season’s expanded playing field grumble with an increasing tremor all throughout the season. I’ve been watching massive factions and players being set into motion every couple of episodes. I’ve been watching the world of Gintama collectively hold its breath as the epic scale of its current scope beats louder and louder like a tell-tale heart buried beneath the floorboards barely nailed in place after the bloodshed of the Pinky Promise arc. I’ve been watching the demonic Takasugi grow increasingly involved in the increasingly chaotic arcs of this season, the Black Beast of Vengeance’s gleaming eye burning like never before. This entire season has been one long build the likes of which Gintama has never seen before, a massive storm of galactic proportions brewing in the background.

And now, it’s time for that storm to break. Because from the hushed whispers of the Crunchyroll comments section, your own barely contained excitement in the reblogs, and a chilling teaser at the end of episode 297, it’s time for the Shogun Assassination arc. It’s time for what appears to be a level of sheer, utter Ragnarok the likes of which not even Yoshiwara in Flames could possibly prepare me for. To put that in perspective, Yoshiwara in Flames, still my favorite arc of the entire series thus far, has also been its longest at a staggering 8 episodes of utter insanity, heartbreak, catharsis, and tears. And now, we’ve got two straight arcs in a row that match that length. 17 episodes. A full third of this season after the previous two thirds of setting the game board up. I have no idea what awaits me once I finally hit the 300 episode mark. I have no idea if I’ll even survive to the end. I have no idea what happens to this show once the dust has settle on whatever mythic legend is about to unfold in front of me.

All I know is that it looks like Takasugi, after over 200 episodes of skulking in the shadows, is finally going to step into the spotlight once more.

And I am not ready.

I am in no way ready to face what comes next.

But for Gintoki’s sake, for Kagura’s sake, for Shinpachi’s sake, for the sake of everyone I’ve come to care about, for the sake of all the love and faith I’ve placed in this incredible, awe-inspiring story... I must press on.

Because you are all worth fighting for.

Welcome to the abyss, my friends. Let us hope our sun can yet rise again.

Odds and Ends

-”When you run a program for too long, you’re bound to run into one or two inconvenient premises.” Heck, I even forgot that Yato were supposed to be allergic to sunlight. Thanks for clearing that up, show.

-”Was this the maternity ward?” Stone cold, lady.

-”I really did just eat too much, though.” askjdhaskdjhas

-”The pervert is still hanging from that tree, all lively!” “I wouldn’t call that lively.” THIS FUCKING EPISODE

-”Aren’t you gonna come save me?!” Hasegawa can never catch a break, huh?

-”Please open your eyes!” “THEY’RE WIDE OPEN!” Rie Kugumiya is just having a goddamn blast these episodes, and I am HERE for it.

-”I’m getting a state funeral?!” Not the craziest funeral this show’s ever had, let’s be real. Remember the ghost who stole Shinpachi and Kagura’s souls? Good times.

-”The illness you have is already ternimal.” FUCKING RIP

-”I wonder if this pain in my chest is love...” No, just Gin-san’s fist.

-”Apparently, the author, a gorilla, ran into the forest.” ffs Sorachi

-OH GODDAMMIT WHY IS THE PANTY THIEF A RETURNING CHARACTER

-I just realized that the tone he’s working with literally says “Gin-tone” at the top, and that’s such a remarkably lazy pun I have to commend it.

-”Oh, that’s not a strap?” aslkdhasjdasd

-”Smiths don’t take sides.” Excuse me, Gin-san, we literally had an entire arc about the importance of smiths taking sides. Featuring this very smithy, no less.

-”Someone call the police!” “I am the police.” Somehow, this joke never gets old.

Thank you all for everything you’ve given me. On both sides of the screen. And I’ll see you for the big 3-double-oh... next time.

[quiet--boy]

💧 lmao

local cry baby cries ;; accepting!!

Heart pounding in his throat, Jun jackknifes out of his bed - feet landing solidly among the many scattered articles of clothing in his room. He’s so disoriented by the familiar nightmare - his mother’s distorted face through the water as she holds him beneath, his father’s laugh echoing in his ears despite his absence - that he merely stands unmoving in the dark room, breathing ragged. 

It isn’t until a pair of soft, gentle hands wrap around his torso that Jun remembers Solange had spent the night. They’d fallen asleep watching silly romantic comedies, cuddled up beneath the makeshift blanket fort he’d tossed together in hopes to lighten his friend’s mood. 

“I-It’s okay, Jun, I’m here.”

The quiet words bring a flood of tears from deep within Jun - he can feel where they normally lurk, far beneath the surface. He doesn’t turn to face, her fists clenched at his side as the tears continue to fall.

“T-Thanks Sol. J-Just give me a sec, okay?”

[heroesofcrash]

5/2/20 - A (Soda) Can-Do Attitude

TheHeroesOfCRASH.com

Enticia recruits her first “boyfriend” at C.R.A.S.H.  To be fair, did you really think Jackknife got any attention from women because they liked his personality?

I imagine River Rush is a lemon-lime soda, just like nature-named Mountain Dew and Sierra Mist.  Although it also sounds like it could be a Gatorade flavor or deodorant scent.

I need to write the names of these sodas down; I’m trying to keep a list of fake brand names and franchises within my comic.  Warning: a lot of them will be puns.

Just a reminder that my birthday’s coming up, and so is the deadline for my contest! Send me a drawing or game avatar based on my comic – all valid entries will win some form of art from me!  Check out my site for details!

[adultswim2021]

Superjail! #1 “Bunny Love” | May 13, 2007 - 11:30PM | S00E01

MAN did I love this show. MAN, did I love this pilot. MAN, do I NOT want to have to write up six pilots in a row. Fuck me. First episodes always take forever, because I have to describe the reason the series exists in the first place. This can eat up time.

The show was created by Christy Karacas, Stephen Warbrick, and Ben Gruber. They all met working on various MTV animation shows. Karacas got his student film “Space War” on Cartoon Sushi. He and Warbrick made Bar Fight in 2001. Boy, that one’s hard to find in decent quality. I actually bought a DVD called “Avoid Eye Contact” (Volume 2) just to get a nice copy of it. Uh, sorry I don’t have it handy. I think I sold the DVD, too. Sucks! Anyway, Bar Fight is very much a prototype for Superjail. Nearly every episode of Superjail (including this one) basically turns into Bar Fight by the end of the episode. 

Superjail is a gritty but hyper-cartoony body-horror slapstick comedy about a place called Superjail, run by a William Wonka style Warden voiced by David Wain in the role a lifetime. He is magical, and can do basically anything with cartoon magic (everyone else is a little more down to earth). His staff includes Guard Alice, who is very clearly a former man (jokes that maybe haven’t aged so well if you’re one of them “BEING NICE” people). She’s exceptionally sadistic, and doesn’t take shit from anyone, even the Warden. In one scene we see her force a starving prisoner to put on a gown and perform a dance set to a disco beat for his meal (which she doesn’t even give him) 

Jarred is the accountant, a little guy with a nerdso voice. It’s hinted that he has an alcohol problem. He’s a very typical bureaucrat through and through. He’s extremely anxious and fragile, the exact type of person who shouldn’t be anywhere near an environment like this. In one scene we see him crunch the numbers to accommodate the Warden’s plan (more on this later okay) and slash all extra-curriculars, like the vegetable garden. We are treated to a very funny scene of all the garden crops, all cartoonishly alive and able to talk, panicking briefly before being harshly mowed by JailBot. 

Jailbot is the Warden’s robotic servant. His main role is going out into the “real world” to apprehend a criminal at the moment they succumb to recidivism. Each episode starts out with Jailbot apprehending the same character: Jackknife. He’s a very typical greaser-inspired low-life who speaks in grunts and is prone to brutal violence. In this episode he is released from prison and immediately beats a rich guy presumably to death to steal his cool rich guy car. Jackknife discovers a small child, a little crying girl, in the backseat. He feels slight remorse, so he crashes the car into a bar, walks out with a presumably stolen beer, and walks into the pet store next door to get her a pink bunny rabbit (noticing her I HEART BUNNIES shirt she’s wearing). As he attempts to smuggle it out in his pants, Jailbot busts in and fucks the entire place up, completely destroying the store and many of the animals in it, all to apprehend the car/beer/bunny thief. 

Jailbot handcuffs Jackknife and then lifts off with his go-go Gadget helicopter blades, with Jackknife dangling beneath him by the wrists. Jailbot looks back and notices the little girl, crying. Jailbot cries a single digital tear, and then produces a cone of vanilla softserve for her. He’s already some distance away from her, so he torpedoes it into her face. I can remember a bump that aired where they showed off the character designs from this then-upcoming pilot. In some early conception of the show, she was intended to be Jackknife’s daughter, because they are shown together, both flipping off the camera (if I remember correctly). 

Jailbot drags Jackknife to Superjail through various alternate planes of existence. The creators of the show didn’t want to simply portray Superjail as having definitive coordinates, or on the moon or something. It’s almost like Jailbot is taking Jackkinfe through a passageway through the more fantastical. This opening sequence changes every single episode, featuring different worlds or climates. It always ends with clouds forming the face of the Warden, who opens his mouth and swallows our little guys. There’s a flash of white, as though we’re now magically transported to one wacky world, where magical and violent things can happen. Superjail’s entryway is through the side of a giant volcano, and the end credits imply that the entire facility is inside said volcano (despite seeing blue sky and other climates in various scenes).

The thing that’s great about Superjail is not just that it’s visually stunning, it actually uses it’s visuals constantly. For example, when Jackknife is deposited into Superjail it’s through a series of pods, roller coasters, giant hairdryers, etc. He is deposited into a room where he’s instructed to take a pill. The Warden appears to him writing the back of a Pegasus in some fantasy climate. He explains simply that he’s now in Superjail, and to say hello to his new roommate. Suddenly a fist hits Jackknife in the face, and the dream cloud shrinks behind him. He’s now in his cell.

The scene I mentioned earlier where Jarred cuts the vegetable garden and we see all the little vegetable guys panic, we move toward that scene by showing one of Jarred’s plants shapeshift into a satellite dish, beaming plant-signals to the garden as if Jarred’s potted plant’s station in life is to report plant goings-on to other plants. He’s a mole, or a spy or something. We see these beams go through the walls until they finally reach the garden. When they get mowed, we pan back inside Superjail, entering a window looking out into the garden before going onto the next scene. The show fluidly transitions from one thing to the next. It’s a joy to watch. 

We also meet various prisoners. There’s Gary and Bird. Gary is a stoic, secretive type; the kind where it’s a coin toss as to weather or not they are government agents or serial killers. Bird, an actual yellow bird, is high on the foodchain in the hierarchy of the prison yard. Gary has a human roommate who is a fat slob whose mouth always gets him maimed or killed. This isn’t apparent from the pilot, but all of these guys recur throughout the series, getting murdered in one episode and coming back for the next like so much Kenny McCormick. 

There’s also the Twins, who don’t seem to be prisoners. They are also magical like the Warden, though their magic is more grounded in science fiction alien technology or something like that. They seem otherworldly, and their reason for being there is unexplained. They seem to have free reign over the prison. According to the creators, their roles originated from an early version of the script where they were the most skilled criminals to ever exist. They were the only ones who could escape Superjail, so the Warden formed some sort of uneasy alliance with them. All that got tossed out, but they just liked these characters so had them be there for some mysterious reason. I do believe they get some backstory later in the series. 

Another term used by the creators was “overload”; they wanted every scene to go above and beyond with the animation, packing each frame with as much movement and weirdness as possible. Mad, back when it was a comic book and not yet a Magazine, would do a similar thing where each panel would be packed with as many background jokes as the artist could stomach drawing. Will Elder called it “chicken fat” It’s no surprise that when Christy Karacas was asked to name some influences for the show, Mad was one of them. I got a list from this interview, and it’s a veritable whos-who of stuff you should google if you don’t know about them. I actually made an alphabetical list of them, for some reason: 

Beavis and Butt-Head

Bob Clampett

child art

Chuck Jones

Dr. Seuss

Earthworm Jim

Fleischer Studios

Gary Panter

Hanna-Barbera

Itchy & Scratchy

John Kricfalusi (yikes!)

Looney Tunes 

Mad

Mike Diana

Monty Python

The Muppets

outsider art

Pee-wee's Playhouse

Ralph Bakshi

Ripley's Believe It or Not!

Robert Crumb

Sally Cruikshank

Schoolhouse Rock!

Sesame Street

Tex Avery

Tom Ruegger

Vince Collins

Walt Disney

Yellow Submarine

The plot of the show! I’ve barely mentioned it. Inspired by the pink bunny that Jackknife was trying to steal (Jailbot has the rabbit’s corpse and produces it to the Warden, who mangles it further and then places it on his head like a hat while hatching this plot I mentioned earlier), the Warden decides to order new uniforms for the prisoners: pink bunny costumes. The Twins intercept this order and change it, so that 50% of the inmates get bunny costumes, and the other half get wolf costumes. This causes a naturally-occurring divide, where the inmates start going nuts, killing each other.

When there’s a full moon, a full-scale, destructive brawl breaks out that goes to many weird places. The Cafeteria staff (all stereotypical lunch ladies) get in the mix, mistaking the bunnies and wolves for their unslain meat order. They begin slicing and dicing inmates. Eventually they accidentally cause a big lump of meat to electrify and come to life. This guy also kills a few inmates, eats a couple of lunch ladies (who are all worshiping it like a god), and then crash through the walls of Superjail like the Hulk or the Kool-Aid man, or The Rabbot. Jackknife is seen running out of this hole. This is another repeated bit; Jackknife begins every episode being brutally apprehended by Jailbot, and typically is seen escaping by the end of the episode. 

The reason I love Superjail is mostly the animation, though the writing isn’t bad either. The writing is solid, and the few dialogue jokes made here are typically low-brow or bluntly funny. There’s nothing try-hard or pretentious about the show almost at all. The characters and the action are all sweetly cartoony. Even though grotesque and brutal things happen, they are done with a playful innocence. You can tell that the people who made this all love art, and so fondly remember the time they first saw an edgy, gross, or iconoclastic thing that energized them so much that they dedicated their life one day getting a chance to make something like that, and want a new generation to feel that same feeling. “This is cool, and weird, and wrong, and I love it”

This playful feeling might take the sting out of certain other problematic elements the show might have, like Alice’s gender stuff, or the possibly offensive portrayal of the prison gay couple, or maybe some other things people have trouble overlooking. You get the sense that even though these people are cartoonish caricatures that the creators of the show still like these guys. We’re all just laughing’ and having a good time, my dude! CHILL OUT!

Did I talk about the theme song? No? For this pilot, it’s “Rubber Bullets” by 10CC. I love it’s use here, and I remember being disappointed by the change when the show went to series. I grew to love that other theme song, which is by the band Cheeseburger, which Christy Karacas happens to be in. I like them! They’re fun! You should check them out! 

Uh, what else. Oh, Jackson Publick from the Venture Bros does a voice on here. That’s cool. Dave Willis is the one that pitched that the Warden should wear the bunny corpse like a hat. That’s nice. Okay, I guess that’s it. Wow, this was long.

A Night of 1000 Pilots (May 13, 2007)

Superjail was part of Adult Swim’s “A Night of 1000 Pilots!” a special evening when Adult Swim showed five pilots for proposed series. I don’t quite remember all of the details, but I do remember that the shows were available for viewing online before they aired on television. Viewers voted for their favorite, and they were shown in order of who got the most votes. Superjail was the winner, and indeed was the one that performed the best once aired. It had four freaking seasons! The perfect amount! I guess you can go look up where the other pilots ranked, but I’m going to pretend like I’m gatekeeping that information and rolling it out on my blog, exclusively. Sorry haters! But I know stuff!

[sunshinycc]

17 writing prompt for cecilios? Could end up being a tragedy or comedy tbh ouo

17. “I don’t know where I am. Help me”

Pairing: Cecilos

Sorry this took so long owo I hope you like it!

“Carlos?” Cecil called into the darkness. “Carlos, Carlos! I don’t know where I am. Help me!”

He struggled to move, but the inky blackness restricted his movement, clamping him like a vice. “Carlos!” he called again.

He assessed his situation once more. Nothing to hear, nothing to see, nothing to smell or taste or touch. He couldn’t move, he could barely hear his own voice, and his heartbeat…where was his heartbeat?

Oh, God, was he dead?

“Carlos,” the Voice of Night Vale sobbed, his body involuntarily curling into a fetal position. “Please,” he whimpered.

Then, there was silence, the kind of silence that allows you to hear your cells multiplying and dying, that allows you to hear the blood rushing through your veins, the kind of silence where the drop of a pin sounds like the crashing of a gong.

Suddenly, a faint whisper of “Cecil?” interrupted Cecil’s crushing despair.

“Carlos!” Cecil exclaimed, his eyes and ears straining suddenly.

“Cecil, wake up. You’re dreaming,” Carlos’s voice sighed around him.

And Cecil woke up, his eyes suddenly open wide and his mouth open, his body jackknifing into a sitting position. He was alive, he could see, he could hear, he could breathe. “Carlos,” he groaned miserably as he felt the scientist’s arms wind around his shoulders and pull him gently back down to the mattress.

“Shhh,” Carlos murmured. “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”

Their breathing evened. Cecil relaxed. A smile crept across his face.

Held tight against his husband’s chest, Cecil drifted into sleep once more.

[laresearchette]

Monday, February 21, 2022 Canadian TV Listings (Times Eastern)

WHERE CAN I FIND THOSE PREMIERES?: ALL AMERICAN (Showcase) 8:00pm 100 DAY DREAM HOME (HGTV Canada) 8:00pm ALL AMERICAN: HOMECOMING (CTV2) 9:00pm BELOW DECK SAILING YACHT (Slice) 9:00pm   THE ENDGAME NEW TRAILER (City TV) 10:00pm

WHAT IS <i>NOT</i> PREMIERING IN CANADA TONIGHT?: AMERICA'S GOT TALENT: EXTREME (Premiering on February 27 on CTV at 7:00pm) BLACK PATRIOTS: HEROES OF THE CIVIL WAR (Premiering on February 22 on History Canada at 8:00pm)

NEW TO AMAZON PRIME CANADA/CBC GEM/CRAVE TV/DISNEY + STAR/NETFLIX CANADA:

CBC GEM ALL THE STREETS ARE SILENT: THE CONVERGENCE OF HIP HOP & SKATEBOARDING THE PORTER

CRAVE TV AILEY

NHL HOCKEY (SN) 1:00pm: Avalanche vs. Bruins (SN360) 3:00pm: Hurricanes vs. Flyers (SNWest/TSN3) 4:00pm: Jets vs. Flames (SN) 7:00pm: Leafs vs. Habs (SNPacific/SN1) 10:00pm: Kraken vs. Canucks

AHL HOCKEY (TSN4) 3:00pm: Laval Rocket vs. Toronto Marlies

BEANIE MANIA (HBO Canada) 7:25pm:  A deep-dive into the world of Beanie Babies, charting the origins of a frenzy that helped make Ty Warner's plush toys the biggest fad of the 1990s.

CHUCK AND THE FIRST PEOPLES KITCHEN (APTN) 7:30pm: Chuck visits Mashteuiatsh to fish landlocked salmon and learn about its importance to the community; Carine Valin and Jean-Pierre Verreault take Chuck fishing on Lac Saint-Jean and then prepare salmon in two ways.dies at an event for Black people's rights. MURDOCH MYSTERIS (CBC) 8:00pm: Violet Hart investigates when a protester dies at an event for Black people's rights.

MARY MAKES IT EASY (CTV Life) 8:00pm:  Mary shares recipes that help people working from home or in an office have a tasty lunch without sacrificing convenience.

UP THE DISH (CTV Life) 8:30pm: The chefs switch up a classic South American seafood dish, ceviche.

THE PORTER (CBC) 9:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): Train porters and best friends Junior Massey and Zeke Garret are galvanized to take different - and dangerous - actions after a tragedy occurs on the job.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN (History Canada) 9:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): Through a poverty-ridden childhood on the American frontier, Abraham Lincoln is determined to leave his mark on the world.

MONEY FOR NOTHING (Makeful) 9:00pm: Upcycler Jay Blades is at Altrincham Recycling Centre, on a mission to rescue and revive unwanted items; with three eclectic skip-finds to transform, Jay turns to woodworker Bruce Faulseit to restyle a collection of discarded drawers.

PILLOW TALK (Crave) 9:00pm - 11:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): A sketch comedy series about adult relationships, the series centres on four couples (three heterosexual and one gay) and a pair of platonic roommates, each exploring comedic interpersonal situations through conversations taking place almost entirely in their bedrooms.

TRANSPLANT (CTV) 10:00pm:  Pressured by a patient's father, Bash must make an impossible choice to save a life.

HEAVY RESCUE: 401 (Discovery Canada) 10:00pm: An overpass jackknife pushes Bill Wright into quick action; Collin's first heavy job after a close call forces him to put his father's new safety plan to the test.

WALL OF CHEFS (Food Network Canada) 10:00pm: Plant-based parmigiana and an innovative smoking technique; Chef Christa Bruneau-Guenther reveals the ingredients in her fridge; Chef Massimo Capra asks the cooks to make an eye-catching dish.

WOLFE (Showcase) 10:00pm (SERIES PREMIERE): Forensic scientist professor Wolfe Kinteh is a forensic powerhouse and North England's finest crime scene expert; Wolfe's brilliance comes with an appetite for bending any rule he encounters, but all for the very best reasons. MARRY ME TONIGHT! JENNIFER LOPEZ & MALUMA LIVE (E! Canada)  10:00pm: Jennifer Lopez and global Latin music star Maluma perform all-new songs from their Universal Pictures romantic comedy, "Marry Me"; songs include their title duet, Lopez's soaring anthem "On My Way" and Maluma's sultry acoustic track "Segundo."

[jackknifecomedy]

OH GODDAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAY THE FIFTH BE WITH YOU YOU FUCKING WOOKIE!!!!!! IT'S JACKKNIFE COMEDY #47!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS HARD TO BELIEVE BUT YES THE COUNTRY IS IN FACT STILL VERY MUCH FUCKED!!!!!!!!!!! BARACK, MICHELLE AND HILLARY ARE INVITED TO EVERY SHOW FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CHECK OUT OUR RAD LINEUP: Matt Cobos (HIGH PLAINS COMEDY FESTIVAL) https://twitter.com/stupidmattcobos Rachel Sennott (SOUTH BY SOUTHWEST) https://twitter.com/Rachel_Sennott Ray DeVito (THE JIM GAFFIGAN SHOW) https://twitter.com/raydevito Dekunle Somade (DIVERSE AS FUCK COMEDY FESTIVAL) https://twitter.com/dekunle Paige Bowman (LAUGHING SKULL FESTIVAL) https://twitter.com/Paigopolis Carolyn Busa (BRIDGETOWN COMEDY FESTIVAL) https://twitter.com/misstoiletslave Shalewa Sharpe (COMEDY CENTRAL'S THE NEW NEGROES) https://twitter.com/silkyjumbo Andy Haynes (CONAN) https://twitter.com/imandyhaynes HOSTED BY TWO DUMB FUCKS FROM IOWA NAMED Patrick HastieAND Gideon Hambright!!!!!!!! THE SHOW COSTS FIVE BUCKS!!!!!!!!!!! IF YOU COME AND LAUGH YOU WILL *PROBABLY* GET A FREE BEER AND YOU WILL *DEFINITELY* LIVE FOREVER AND NEVER EVER EVER DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *****LINEUP SUBJECT TO CHANGE***** ***************************** POSTER ART BY Jonathan Sims http://www.skelenaut.com/ THE CREEK AND THE CAVE: The Creek and The Cave http://creeklic.com/events/jackknife-comedy-5-2018-05-05/ WEBSITE: http://jackknifecomedy.com/ TWITTER: https://twitter.com/JackknifeComedy INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/jackknifecomedy/ FACEBOOK: Jackknife Comedy

[ambrosiaswhispers]

My Things

Okay I did a little list recently for fics in response and I thought why not promote my own things a bit. ‘Cause I can. I also thought I’d give you a little bit int my process as well. All questions have been asked of my in one way or another.

Why write in the first place?

I love to write- honestly if I couldn’t get my words out on paper, I’d most likely end up a bit on the crazy side. I’ve always had a vivid imagination. I wrote my first story in crayon when I was about 5 or 6, it was about a unicorn jumping over a rainbow to eat birthday cake...Yup, unicorns and birthday cake - I wasn’t a complicated kid. lol. 

I had my first real issue with insomnia when I was 10 and the counselor my parents had me talk to suggested a journal. I never wrote about myself, I always wrote about brave girls, who saved themselves from the villains and feel in love with the guy the always stood with them. I worked on original pieces, but never showed them to anyone.

What was your first fic?

I wrote my first fic when I was 15, rebelling against my parents and posting it online - they never did catch me for that part. I wrote the fic off an anime called “Ronin Warriors.” It was about 12 parts and I’ve recently re-read part of it - Whoa, hello OCs with tragic backstories and Mary Sue-ness. Yikes. LOL.

How does your process start?

Normally it’s a “conversation that I overhear” in my head. It’s a line of dialogue or ‘scene’ that I see so clearly that I have to write it down and figure out how the characters got there. I use a voice recorder - always helpful, but if anyone heard my recordings they’d probably lock me mental hospital. I may or may not use different voices when I record.

Kastle/Daredevil

This is a fandom that I fell flat on my face for with no warning. Okay so it actually happened like this: 

My husband says, let’s watch the second season of Daredevil and I’m like, I’m afraid of what the Punisher will look likes. He’s like don’t worry, I saw a clip, he’s good. We start watching and I’m like, I can watch this without being worried, about shipping anyone because they are moving Karen and Matt together and I’m indifferent. The first interaction of Karen and Frank and I make this squeaking noise and my husband says, “Don’t ship Karen with the Punisher. He’s in love with justice, bullet-flavored justice.” He looks at me and laughs, “Too late?” I nod and he hands me my notebook – this is true love, fyi.

 Most of what I’ve written for this ship are in bits on Tumblr: here. There’s a few of my fic recs in that tag as well. I have a little bit of everything mixed in there. 

On AO3 I have one complete piece and one chapter piece that I started that my laptop promptly ate... rude, by-the-way.

The Unchosen Door  - This is really a ghost of Kastle piece and is more about Frank and his family. Fair warning it is sad. This wrote itself, I blinked and I was staring at it on my screen - I had to edit, that was about it. Summary: “He was home. They were home. They were safe. He was going to get her to take the damn day off to spend with him and the kids, but something just seemed wrong..... "The horrorcore of what might have been was behind an unchosen door. An unopened, black door marked with a bullet hole and a white skull." A moment that could have been, about Frank Castle and his family.”

From Dusk Till Dawn The Series

I love this series and writing for it, currently rules my brain and most of my heart. I’ve got a soft spot for those crazy brothers and that whole world really. this is one and only fandoms that I ship all over the place. Normally my brain says: “That; we’re shipping that” with this series it’s like I’m a cat high catnip and I’m chasing a lazer pointer. Seriously, it’s a problem. LOL.

SethKate

No secret I write more in this ship than the others. I honestly identify with Seth’s voice more than anyone and that makes it click somehow. The dynamic fascinates me.

Rules of the Mexican Honeymoon series So this series has a follow-up story written after each season and I had a plan for it, which Seth promptly ignored and ripped out my heart with all the angst.

Please; This Is As Far As We Go    The Post-Season 1 story became a 5 part Mature piece and I even posted an Explicit version: here  with an extended sex scene. The epilogue was not everyone’s favorite. It’s really not my fault... I “heard” Seth whisper, “Four more minutes.” and that was that. Summary: “There are two phrases that seem to chase their conversations like a snake swallowing its own tail: Please and This is as far as we go.Seth and Kate deal with the aftermath of Season 1 and the loss of their families. This is my take on Seth and Kate's "Mexican Honeymoon" I may leave it as a one-shot. If I do extend it the rating will likely go up.Rating has gone up, 'cause well, Seth Gecko.” Proudest writing moment: The beach scene in the fourth part.

Four Minutes of Self-Destruction The Post-Season 2 part... So this piece was so bitterly painful for me to write that I actually got a little depressed. It was hard to live in Seth’s head for that one. Summary:  “This is Seth dealing/not dealing with Kate's death. Post-Season two and pre-Season three. Seth is not emotionally equipped for any of these things. Richie's trying to be a supportive brother and trying to help. Seth finds Kate's cross at the Bloodwell and takes it back to Bethel.” Proudest writing moment: Confession in the church

Without Condition The Post-Season 3 part. This is the only part where we get to hear Kate’s thoughts in this series.I really tried to pull in ties from the previous parts to make it feel richer. The Epilogue was pure fluff. Summary: “ After Amaru and preventing the apocalypse Kate is trying to figure out how she belongs into her skin and what the hell 'four minutes' means. She wants to reclaim her body and she wants Seth to help, but she's afraid she won't be able to handle it.” Proudest writing moment: Kate’s POV - I really felt like I captured her voice in those moments.

Without A Fight (…but there is a fight) So this one is one-shot originally a Tumblr prompt. I loved the fact that it felt raw to me. I’m sucker for characters in the rain trope. Summary: “Original prompt from Tumblr: "Could you write Sethkate - she's mad at him because he almost "let" Amaru kill him to touch her, and she would have just had to watch?"Kate wakes up from a nightmare and can't shake her anger. Seth's a big part of that rage and not always the way he thinks. In the back parking lot of Jacknife Jed's things come to a head. Proudest writing moment: Angry Kate prose at the beginning.

Hey Bartender So I wrote this AU one-shot, as a distraction from “Four Minutes of Self-Destruction.” I normally don’t write AU pieces and this was just a smut piece basically. I thought it was fun though. Summary: “AU piece: no culebras, no kidnapping and many of the cannon characters are still alive. Essentially we have modern setting in a bar with Seth as a bartender and Kate as a college student. Past that this is a smut fic. PWP – essentially. I do hope that you enjoy it. There is a mention of a suicide attempt.” Proudest writing moment: Seth has a lot of things to say and I think it ended up sexy.

Die By Dawn This multi-chapter piece set post Season 3 and the concept is rough. I started writing this piece and during the writing of the 3rd part lost my grandfather to complications from cancer. This is piece that I’m writing to heal and is still in progress. Summary: “After surviving Amaru and the end of the world, they find out Kate has limited time to live, because cancer is a bitch. How do they say goodbye? How does Kate want to spend her last days? Seth's not dealing with this very well. Richie and Scott are not having it either. Kate's somehow is the one that is going to get everyone through this. Warning for: cancer, impeding (but not immediate) character death, grief stages, and potential adult situations.” Proudest writing moment: Without spoiling anything Richie’s POV in part 5 - it was a labor of love to make perfect.

Love Is... This is an AU multi-chapter piece from a Tumblr prompt is being writing with the help of my dear friend here. So I write comedy? Yes... apparently I do. This is loosely based on Jane the Virgin. I just love this piece I smile everytime I work on it. Still in progress Summary: “Originally a Tumblr prompt: "Anonymous said: Me too for being curious about SethnKate prompts idea. I got one for you. Jane the Virgin au...Seth hijacks Kate's pregnancy. Poor Kate winks Seth is pissed till he meets his baby momma haha" Seth never planned on any of this: not the sweet little, virgin church girl, who's got more attitude than people expect; not her moving in with him and his family and certainly not his baby she's intent on having. He's going to have to figure out how this woman and his child are going to fit into his life; does he even want them to?” Proudest writing moment: Can I love the whole thing? Maybe Richie’s summary of the events to Eddie - yup, probably that so far.

RichieKate/Kichie

It’s the moment he closes his eyes and prays with her in the RV and the expression on his face when he sees her at Jackknife Jeds - when Mavado brings her out.

Right Call So even though this ended up kinda a smut piece. I really liked it- I think it’s a got heart. I felt like I got Richie’s voice too. Summary: Kate gets hurt during a job and wants ice cream... Richie wants Kate... Seth leaves to get Kate ice cream and....PWP, Smut.... good lord this ran away with me. "...but it did things to him when he caught his scent on her. Humans liked to pretend that part of their nature didn’t exist, but it did. It was just expressed in different ways now: ring on a certain finger, offering a girl your shirt after sex, sharing a shower and washing her with your soap, getting her addicted to your favorite foods, and of course the ever cliché hickey on the neck." Proudest writing moment: Richie’s voice in general - but I loved him whispering scripture onto her skin. Points if you can guess where in the Bible it comes from without googling it.

Seth/Kate/Richie Honestly never written or shipped a poly-relationship, but there is something about the way they both react around her that made it click in my head.

Ever Mine; Ever Yours; Ever Ours Currently this is a two-part bit of OT3 fluff. First time I’ve ever written the idea of a three-way pairing. Side note I grew up with girl who lived in a type of household - so in my brain it’s not outside of possible. I am planning on more to this and some more mature things as well. Summary: Okay this came out of nowhere and simply could NOT be more domestic OT3 if I tried. Seriously, it just hit me from left field and now I have Gecko babies running around in my head. OT3 for reals though - in a fluffy, domestic way, but very much OT3. Okay other than that, no warnings needed, it’s fluffy nonsense.A non-crime Gecko story - all about family Proudest writing moment: First time I got brave enough to share a visual board.

Okay so this turned out longer than I planned. I guess I’m gonna do this in more than one part.

Yikes so many words about my words... Be Blessed guys. I’m working on all my pieces write now.

Love to my Loves!!!

[ifuckinglovestvincent]

Pitchfork: St. Vincent On Her Directing Debut, The Birthday Party

Annie Clark on the set of her short film ‘The Birthday Party.’ Photo courtesy of Magnet Releasing.

By Ryan Dombal 23 January 2017

Annie Clark is aware of the perils of dilettantism. Her cracked art rock is anything but—even at its most uncaged, the music she makes as St. Vincent is in-control, adroit, world-class. When we speak over the phone on a recent afternoon, though, she mostly doesn’t talk about her music. She talks about directing and co-writing a short film, The Birthday Party, which is part of a new female-driven horror anthology feature called XX. “I know what you mean,” Clark says after I express some trepidation about artists working outside of their best-known medium. “It’s like when your friend shows you a picture and says, ‘I’m drawing now!’ and it’s something that might look really good if a 10-year-old drew it—but they’re 30.” But in Clark’s case, there’s no need to worry. The Birthday Party is not only competent, but funny, strange, and visually rich. It stays true to the unique mix of black humor and heart that marks some of her best songs. The short stars the effortlessly relatable Melanie Lynskey (Heavenly Creatures, “Togetherness”) as a disheveled housewife named Mary who simply wants to give her anxious 8-year-old daughter a fun birthday to remember. Which happens. But not exactly as Mary planned. Because as she’s preparing for her guests to arrive, she finds her husband slumped over in his office chair, dead. Even so, the show must go on. What follows involves a rapping panda bear, a kid in a toilet costume, and a fair amount of Weekend at Bernie’s-style, lugging-a-corpse-around shenanigans. Based on actual events that happened to one of Clark’s friends, she says The Birthday Party is about “the idea of waking up with a body in the house and having to make—in a second—a big decision to protect your children.” XX debuted at Sundance last night (January 22) and will open in theaters and on-demand February 17. Pitchfork: This film depicts an 8-year-old’s birthday party that goes very wrong. Do you remember how you celebrated your own eighth birthday? St. Vincent: Oh my god, yes. When I turned 8, we had the party at a putt-putt golf course that also had an arcade. So me, my mom, my sister, my step-dad, and my best friend Doug were on the highway to the party and we were behind a truck that had a bright pink sofa on it. All of a sudden, the sofa fell out of the back of the truck. My mom put on the brakes, swerved to miss it, jackknifed, and hit the guardrail on the left side of the street—we spun around across three lanes of Texas traffic to the shoulder of the road. Luckily, no one was hurt, and we weren’t hit. But we were all in a state of shock. My mother is a very obsessive picture taker, so in her state of shock, she got out and started taking pictures of the car—I don’t know if it was to document the experience or for insurance purposes. But as she was taking the pictures, she stepped into an ant pile and was stung by a thousand fire ants and went into anaphylactic shock. She fainted and almost died on the shoulder of the road in Mesquite, Texas. She went to the hospital and was OK. No one was hurt. So, I guess we proceeded to go play putt-putt. Did that experience have an influence on this film? Well, I have therapy tomorrow so I could have unpacked that then, but you helped me unpack it just now! I read that you are afraid of horror films to the point of avoidance. Were there any scary movies that made a strong impression on you as a kid? I remember seeing Full Metal Jacket when I was 6, and I will always have the image of Vincent D’Onofrio getting beaten with bars of soap and then subsequently blowing up his brains in the bathroom. But I can’t deal with violence of any kind. I don’t like to watch it. My mind will go obsessive and I won’t be able to stop think about these horrible things. But I do like dark absurdity—give me “Louie” any day. The Birthday Party is meant to be a black comedy.

Melanie Lynskey as Mary in “The Birthday Party” What were some of your artistic inspirations going into this film? When I was working with Emily Batson, the costume designer, on the robe that Mary wears, we found this one that was torn at the shoulder. Emily said, “Oh, we can get that sewn up before we shoot.” But I was like, “No, no, no. That’s Leonard Cohen. That’s perfect. That’s going in there.” And the neighbor’s hair is an homage to Wim Wenders’ Paris, Texas—it’s almost perfect but not quite. And I took a lot of visual inspiration from a magazine of beautiful but absurdist photographs called Toilet Paper, including a shot that is the the absolute Magna Carta of the whole movie, which is someone’s feet sticking out from under a rug in an otherwise perfectly stylized room. You just go: Yep, that’s what life feels like a lot of the time. Speaking of toilets, where did you get the toilet costume one of the kids wears at the end of the film? They were all custom made. You also wore a toilet costume during a performance last summer, was it the same one? Yeah. And during that performance, you played a gorgeous new ballad with the memorable line, “You’re the only motherfucker in the city who can stand me.” Will that song be on your upcoming album? Yeah. I think that song will definitely be released. You recently worked on a Rolling Stones cover with Kendrick Lamar collaborators Sounwave and Terrace Martin. Have you done anything with them for your new album too? Um… I… OK, I’m trying to figure out the things I can say without getting angry emails from management, like, “What are you doing?!” Yeah, there are… um… I don’t think I can say anything. I’m sorry! I’m so excited about it, though. I’ve never been more excited about anything. Now you’re just teasing. No, I know, I’m sorry! I don’t mean it like that. One more non-music question: Do you feel like you’ll direct again? I would love to.

[Source: Pitchfork]