#jack laugher only fans

[jockstrapbulgemaster]

That’s a hard Jack!

[chososcamgirl]

(SHE’S) JUST A PHASE: TRICK OR TREAT!

masterlist

—

happy halloween! this is not an actual chapter unfortunately, so those who got their hopes up at an early release i’m SORRY 😓 however i consider it more fun! this is what each chapter from the sjap universe would wear on halloween🙂‍↕️ consider it 14.5! i hope you enjoy this as much as i did making it. also shoutout to my babygirl ree for helping me with these. I LOVE YOU BAD! <3

megumi fushiguro as BILLY LOOMIS

“ghostface? nah too basic” the raven states broadly.

sure scream was his favourite horror slasher but dressing up ghostface was too overrated, too tacky. he needed to go as someone more niche, someone he knows nobody would dress up as, someone hotter. introducing billy loomis! still the same franchise just a tad bit more creative! (not entirely but we’ll give him pity points) but man did that he look hot. the fake blood dripping down was the cherry on top. seeing his hair not entirely gelled up for the first time the guys realised he looked like his dad. like a lot

“no shit, we’re related” he said in front of the bathroom mirror as he wets his hair for the 3rd time, trying to perfect his look.

toge rolled his eyes, chewing on his toothpick

“ya know megumi you should’ve just went as ghostface, atleast no one would look at that makeshift shitty hair of yours” toge sneered

megumi turns around, hair soaked as he goes into punch the platinum blonde but misses as the water drips down his face into eyes as he stumbles back into the counter.

“woah slow down, the only person you’re gonna kill is yourself at this rate” yuta quips as he walks in to see what the commotion was going on in the bathroom.

megumi looks at yuta, then back at toge, then back at yuta. his head going side to side frivolously before bursting out laughing.

“what’s so funny?” yuta questioned

“didn’t pin you for the type of guy to dress up as a gay cowboy” he sneers, wiping both tears and the dripping water from his eyes.

toge inumaki & yuta okkotsu as ENNIS & JACK

“what do you mean gay cowboys?” yuta says, slowly turning to toge with an eyebrow raised.

“you mean you seriously never watched brokeback mountain?” megumi asks after recovering from his laugher fit

“am i supposed to?”

he looks at toge who was smirking with that stupid toothpick in his mouth, twirling it around.

“and i thought i was evil” he shakes his head chuckling.

yes, yuta did in fact not know that toge made him dress up as ennis and jack from brokeback mountain (yuta being ennis and toge being jack). in his defence toge did ask if he wanted to go as cowboys for halloween and yuta being yuta obviously said yes. though he did find it suspicious that toge wouldn’t let him pick out just any cowboy costume. he said he had a vision in his head and to just go with it. yuta just thought he was going for a niche version of a cowboy not the version where they’re two bestfriends fucking on top of a mountain. it’s far too late to change their costumes now, so yuta left their condo in what seemed to be “bro-love” going too far. on the other hand toge was EATING it up, strutting the down the streets in the “best costume” (his term) of the night. toge definitely forced yuta to make tiktoks to brokeback mountain audios throughout the night and def went viral LMFAO. poor yuta is embarrassed.

“oh my god, i am mortified” yuta says into his hands after hearing megumi explain the plot of brokeback mountain - he toned it down of course so it wouldn’t kill yuta.

“eh you’ll be fine, it’s not the worst costume in the world”

toge almost caught whiplash by how fast he turned his head. not the worst? what the fuck is that supposed to mean. he knows megumi can’t be talking looking like that.

“you know megumi, with all that blood you could pass as somebody’s diva cup” toge spits at him, obviously hurt.

“did somebody say diva?!”

yuji itadori as ROCKY BALBOA

yes yuji we are talking about you!

this may be fan service for ree… but guys TELL ME YOU DON’T SEE IT ASWELL? i could not find a rocky costume that i thought was fitting but imagine the second picture but with his shirt off🙂‍↕️ yeah…. just thinking thoughts…

yuji would be getting stared at ALL NIGHT and gets asked for tons of pictures in his costume because he looks so damn good. he definitely makes tiktok thirst trap edits because at the end of the day he’s still just a loser trapped in a hot body </3 the guys end up going through a haunted house and yuji actually gets scared and knocks one of the workers out… he blames it on method acting so he doesn’t get the cops called on him and somehow it works? also trust he is flexing his muscles the entire night and challenges literally everybody (mostly girls) to arm wrestle him. his go-to pick up line throughout the night is “if i win i get your number, if you win you get mine” and he winks at them before the countdown. CORNY but it works (i would fold as well sorry)

“yuji stop flexing yours abs for one second it’s gross, you look like a male prostitute” toge groans in disgust as he kicks rocks on the sidewalk”

“the correct term is actually jiggalo, and i think you’re just jealous that i’m hot and cool and you’re just a shitty gay cowboy” yuji replies back through a smile as he waves to everybody who’s pointing at him

“IT’S BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN”

“ooooo is that the name of the new club that opened?”

if you guys want more boxer yuji go read BATTERED N’ BLUE by the lovely @aozui <3

yn as MAXINE MINX

life being the baddest isn’t easy and it especially isn’t easy when it comes to choosing a halloween costume. between wanting to be hot, but also niche, but not too niche! but enough that it surpasses basic, but also fun... did i mention hot? so who better to dress up than someone who fits all the requirements than none other than maxine minx!

yn had this planned months ago. she wanted everything to be perfect down to a T, and she was not the type to pull something last minute out of her ass. she was not going to put on an amazon corset and call it a day. hell, it wasn't even just her, the whole apartment had planned their costumes in june. if serving cunt was a dysfunctional group of roommates it was them. think bodies bodies bodies x scream 6... yeah i would not want to be their enemies if a psycho killer was going around murdering people. and best believe their group pictures are turning out so hot (partly due to the personal photographer they booked before LMFAO) but everyone knows the other part is their well-thought-out costumes.

"oh my god did you really bleach your eyebrows for this" a familiar voice commented at her as she walked into the kitchen.

"the dedication is crazy, but i guess you still look hot."

a smile broke out of her, still focusing on preparing drinks for the party of the century.

"it's just concealer babe", she replies as she looks up from the drink station to where she was met with nobara, who was sitting on the sage love chair in an all too familiar pose.

"no fucking way... are you-?"

nobara kugisaki as CATHERINE TRAMELLE

what’s better than one cover girl? two cover girls!!! or in this case replace cover girl with evil femcel maneater final boss!

the party girls have a tradition of watching a horror/slasher movie each sunday during october, so when nobara said she hasn't watched basic instinct last year, trust it was the first movie they watched on that first sunday.

"ugh, i just know she would of made a bomb fucking costume for halloween", nobara groans.

"too bad you're already going as marie antoinette" panda sighs.

"there's always next year" yn states, clearing up the popcorn on the coffee table.

and next year indeed.

meticulously choosing each article of clothing and hand picking accessories so she could be the emodiment of catherine tramelle. even though she was one glass of red wine away from being mistaken as a housewife of beverly hills, it didn't matter. dressing up as someone so smart, so sinister, so sexy was the principle itself. she didn't care if nobody understood who she was or being asked if she knew it was a halloween party, not a dinner at nobu - she knew she was that fucking girl. but of course, most people knew who she was, even the cute girl standing by the drinks station who was ogling her the entire night and who so badly wanted nobara's number. spoilers: she got it.

"i can't believe you actually stuck with", yn says after managing to close her jaw.

"god you look hot"

nobara smirks at her reaction.

"i wasn't going to let the opportunity slip pass that easily" nobara smirks to herself.

before yn could respond, a loud bang followed by the sound of a door being slammed interrupted her train of thought.

"FUCK!"

both the girls' heads whipped around the find a panicking maki pacing out her room.

"has anyone seen my anastasia lip liner?" she huffs, crossing her arms.

maki zenin as BETTY BOOP

the look, the lips, the hips, the taste… everybody please welcome miss zenin!!!

"no but have you seen an extra pair of panties? i need to change."

i mean this costume was in the works since her hair cut. i mean come on… IT’S PERFECT? maki as betty boop? nah betty boop as maki zenin! uh huh nodding my head right now. an iconic if not the iconic costume in the apartment. maki is not one to typically wear dresses - mostly sticking to jeans, shorts & skirts and the occasional jorts but DRESSES? you’d have to be either jesus or yuta to convince her to put one on let alone a mini dress. and good lord she looked good. yuta almost had a heart attack when she sent him a picture of her costume. yeah it was gonna be a long night for him.

she rolled her eyes at the remark but can’t help the smile that betrays her facade. she looks over to the silhouette standing in the hallway, almost… waiting?

“panda we aren’t playing a theme song just for you to come out just show us your costume already”, maki sighs

he stomps into the living room with a sulk in his step.

“you guys are boring bitches”, he huffs.

panda as a SONNY ANGEL

the girls all had their mouths shaped in an ‘o’ as he entered, hands on hips - giving the most sass imaginable.

“panda what happened”, nobara stifled a giggle behind her hand.

so this was not panda's original costume but his backup one... unfortunately for him, his original costume was to go as a slutty version of batman but he was then met with his long awaited karma..

RIIIIIIP

“oh my fucking god” he said to himself as he hesitantly checks the back of his costume. he finds a hole right where his left ass cheek is.

a big one.

luckily for him, he’s immune to costume malfunctions and bought a back up for times like this. sure it wasn’t as creative or risqué as slutty batman but it was the next best thing.

“i don’t want to talk about”, he mumbles, earning an eruption of laughs from the girls.

he stood there in silence as they speculate what on earth could have happened to his original costume. eventually he told them which then lead to another fit of giggles. atleast that was over. they had a party to plan. and besides, sonny angels are supposed to bring you good luck right?

wrong.

the night was a mess. panda got atleast 7 different drinks spilt on him that night and almost got into a fight with todo because he won the ‘best costume’ contest. (he was a passenger seat and mai was chappel roan).

—

BONUS COSTUMES!

as we know there are two weekends where halloween is celebrated, and this year is no different. debate after debate, "should we celebrate halloween the week before or 2 days after the actual event?" well, why not both! both the party girls and tridant came together to complete the "maze of death" (it was just a corn maze, famous for the actors jump scaring you every now and then - similar to the haunted house the boys went to, but much more intense) these set of costumes are what both groups wore on halloweekend 2 + how each character would react during a haunted maze!

megumi as THE SCARECROW

megumi got confused and thought yn’s costume last week was hers this week and decided to match with her without telling her. (he thought it would of scored him brownie points) though when he found out yn was dressed up as someone else he was immediately embarrassed. yn thought it was adorable how he tried to match with her so called costume and gave him a kiss on the cheek as a recognition for his efforts. (definitely got those brownie points)

he walks WAY ahead. he wants it OVER with >"if i walk faster, they can't get me" type mf. he's miserable but can't take yn laughing behind him at all. he’s going through many stages of grief.

he unfortunately has to lead the group through it even though he's pretty scared himself, but he calms himself by saying "toge def was worse" or some shit. (spoilers he was in fact worse)

yuji as XANDRA

i hate gay halloween, what do you mean you’re xandra from papa’s freezeria?

oh he scares the workers BACK. my king.

had full intentions of scaring yuta during it but got caught off guard and accidentally punched the workers that personally jump-scared him because he's automatically triggered into fight or flight mode like no tomorrow.

yn & toge as SHARPAY AND RYAN EVANS

they came up with this idea when toge was at their apartment doing the usual antics (eating all their food) and saw yn watching high school musical. told her it would make a pretty good halloween costume as a duo and he saw the bulb light up in her head.

first they have a competition who won't be scared but i fear they are desperately clinging onto each other 10 seconds in then act like NOTHING happened once they exit toge is scared so much he can't talk, yn is pale as fuck, and they agree to never talk about it.

(yn says she won the competition 2 hours later)

maki & yuta as a COP AND PRISONER

everyone awwed at them when they saw their costumes. i mean how could you not? #coupleoftheyear

oh yeah so…. yuta wanted to ditch at the entrance but maki hauled his ass with her. he doesn't do well at all, he pukes at the end and maki just patted him on the back.

maki has a poker face throughout the whole thing. does not gaf. she is not scared at all and corrects how they can be scarier to their FACE mid scare. the workers almost walk out.

nobara & panda as the BEE & COOKIE

committing to the ynmegumi bit so bad im ctfu.

panda’s more depressed about how he missed the volunteer dates in order to work at it. but like yuta, he screams so much it haunts nobara’s ears. he screams like a little girl. he almost pisses his pants and hides behind nobara but it makes him a BIGGER target because ofc they're gonna see a 6 ft giant trying to hide??? the haunted house workers def bully panda in the groupchat after their shift ends. he tries to act all tough afterwards saying he "handled it like a champ".

nobara has an average reaction ywkim, she does scream and does get scared but she's literally fine. she NEVER lets panda live it down though, she has a video of panda screaming too.

taglist: @shokosbunny @luvvmae @satoryaa @prozacprinc3ss @essjujutsu @therealsatorugojo @yeehawslap @gojodickbig @dawnisatotalqueen @j2upiters @nappingnai @lalalasillybilly3000 @totallytatum @3cst4syy @lysaray @saltypuffin1040 @noodles-icetea @makeshiftproject @kurtcobaingirlie @kokoiinuts @dashingaurries @slvttycorpse @cuupidsss @mochroialainn @tenjikusstuff4 @ichcocat @laughingfcx @sugurubabe @allthestarsarecloserrrrrrr @tyigerz @yoyo-yui @megoomies @yizmiu @jasminasblog22 @marst4rz @guitarstringed-scars @kalulakunundrum @lovefrominaya @boopbepzlerp @itsdragonius @meguemii @chilichopsticks @starantulas @1l-ynn @pastriepuppy @rcveriees @solaqes @starrysho @sukunaspillow @evry1luvssm

*if i can’t tag you please change your tag settings otherwise i will remove you from the list!

[master-john-uk]

cris mears foto

I assume you are referring to Team GB Olympic diver Christopher James Mears MBE.

Chris was born in Reading, Berkshire, UK on 7th February 1993.

He began diving at an early age and competed in several junior competitions. In January 2009 while training in Sydney for the Olympic Youth Festival he suffered a ruptured spleen, at the same time as unknowingly suffering from glandular fever. At one point doctors only gave Chris a 5% chance of survival, and he was told that he would never dive again. Just eighteen months later Chris competed in the 2010 Commonwealth Games.

At the 2016 Rio Olympics Chris and Jack Laugher won Gold medals in the Men's 3m Synchronised Diving event. The pair won several more medals in events over the following two years.

In 2019 Chris announced that he was retiring from competitive diving to concentrate on a career in music production.

Naked photos. Chris is certainly not shy! Over the last ten years he has posed for several erotic (not explicit) photographs, and has been featured in several magazines. He has always been publicly supportive of both male and female athletes who want to be open about their sexuality, including fellow diver Tom Daley.

In 2017 some very explicit photos, and a video of appeared on the internet which claim to be of Chris Mears. I do not know if they are genuine.

Chris is very aware that he has a huge gay following. Recently he has been one of a number of British divers to start sharing photos on Just-For-Fans (a pay to view website.) All of the divers say that the content that they share will be SFW... although one Chris's former diving colleagues has posted some photographs that leave very little to the imagination!

[lesdoublesll]

AMMD2

Okay so so sooo !!! My dear Alfie fans please listen to the sum up of my con cause it's full of things about Alfie too (Iwan seems to really like him x) ).

(In the second photo he sat on a dragon egg xD)

So I did everything like I did with Alfie last year : autographs a 30 minutes meeting and photos besides the panel, and I will tell you everything !

First of all, my autograph with Iwan. I had his album that he dedicated to Kraken Princess (yes thats me) and he was like "oh ok kraken princess this is great" while laughing, and then he wrote an autograph for my little sister Aline, trying to say "Aline" in a perfect french (and he is quite good really !!) I gave him a bunch of drawings and he really liked the chibi Ramsay putting his foot on chibi Reek (said it was cute and awesome and he laughed) (apparently he was still looking at my drawings when my friend did her autograph x3). I had an autograph with Gemma too !!! (Well it was mostly for a friend that does Yara cosplays so I havent a proper autograph but we did chat quite a long time for an autograph x) ) *-* she was so cute!! She was really happy and moved by my drawing of Theon and Yara and the long quote with " don't die so far from the sea", because it was her audition scene !

Then I did an awesome meeting with Iwan, I was just in front of him and we were ~9/10 with him. (Everyone was saying omg he is so small and I was like : YES HE IS GOD ARE YOU A FAN OR NOT X)) ) I will just report the Q&A here !

Q: How did you deal with your horrible character and how did you react with the other actors (Alfie and Sophie) before your scenes together ?

He said that he needed to do the difference btw Ramsay and him, to exteriorise it, not to think about what he had done, as a fictional character. He said with Alfie it was easier because they were the same age and they weren't not embarrassed to do intimate physical things, but it was harder with Sans (Sophie) because she was young (even if she wasn't the one embarrassed x) ). After those scenes, they needed to Forget about it and go at the restaurant and drink beers, a lot of beers (cause if you know Iwan you know he loves beers !)

Me: my favorite character of yours is Ash in vicious....

Iwan : Hiii *acting like Ash*

Me : *dying on the inside* hi xD so how was it to act with Ian Mckellen, cause I know I would be intimidated !!

Iwan said that yes it was intimidated, knowing how big all of the actors were, and that he needed to find his own respect (like Ash), but eventually he did. He was really impressed by how hard-working Mckellen and Jacobi were knowing that Vicious was only a little funny things and that they did so many things already.

Q: who would you be if you could be any other character in GOT ?

Iwan answered Dany (because Khal Drogo........and the long blond hair.) XD but he was so serious about acting Ramsay that he doesn't want to do anything else in GOT. He would have love a duo Cersei/Ramsay.

Me: Speaking about wigs, how was it to play Mick Mars ?

Iwan loved it because they had 3 weeks to learn the songs and musics, and it was a really funny and hard working atmosphere, and come on he was wearing a wig and high heels ! (And god yes he looks amazing with high heels !!)

Q: if you could play with any actor of the cast in anything else, who would it be and for which kind of film/serie ?

Iwan answered: Alfie ! In a comedy. Something like *laughs* a comedic detective duo where I am the shy one and Alfie is the stronger one (he was saying it while acting like the characters he was describing - which was CUTE )

Q: any funny memories from the GOT ?

Iwan said the wedding with Sansa actually because it was 3 am and they were exhausted. First of all all of it was beautiful despite the horrible things taking place and they were nervous laughs, but mostly because Michael (Roose) and him died of laugher everytime Sophie and Alfie arrived, because Sophie looked amazing and beautiful in her dress and Alfie needed to walk "like thiiis" (he said, doing the same walk as Reek) and we were all so tired we couldn't stop laughing.

Q: if you could be any character who would it be ?

Iwan said : Batman or Wolverine cause I always have loved Wolverine.

Someone : you could totally do Gollum.

Iwan did some offended face so I said :

"Oh no with the ears he should have done a hobbit"

He laughed at the mention of his ears and just said : " I know I missed the casting ". He was blushing aww 💕

Someone asked him : if you had to choose btw acting in film/shows/theater/or music ?

Iwan said that it was very hard in french "c'est très difficile" while stretching (and we saw his belly x)) ) (and that was kinda sexy) but that he would pick music if he didn't need to feed his family.

His favorite scene is the meeting with Jon, because Ramsay and Jon are the same and at the same time the complete opposite and that it was very important for his character. (And he wanted to meet Kit too !)

His favorite song is Paranoid (GOOD TASTE GOD) and his own favorite (even if he did a face like "uhuh I don't like my songs!") Is probably Courthouse ❤

He also said that he doesn't prefer playing nice or bad characters cause they are no such a thing as good or bad characters, the character is a person and as an actor his role is to understand this person. So what he likes is to play a lot of different and interesting characters.

I also told him a bit about my story and he was so sweet about it, asking how I was rn. :3

(JACK WAS SO FREAKING CUTE TOO OMG. We were next to him with my friend wanting to enter the same room so he said "Bonjour" in french and we answered bonjour too, so he laughed a little, and he looked so shy anwww. He also said that if he was to play any other GOT character it would be Theon because he is really interesting and constantly evolving ! But Alfie already plays him so well that he would not dare x33 I said I needed to marry Jack Gleeson rn xD Joffrey is only a cute fella really x3 )

Then I did my first photos.

And then it was the panels. (Pilou and Gemma were so cute and funny xD)

At the panel Iwan explained that there was a scene where Roose and Ramsay are talking about their plans versus Stannis, and then they begin to laugh crescendo together (and he did the laugh for us it was amazing xD) He also sang with Jack Happy Birthday to the translator !! It was awww (at the beginning he did it the Ramsay way and then it was so beautiful oww **)

My sum up would be : the cast was super cute, Iwan Rheon is a cute pie, he is so sweet and shy and Kind, He is so sexy omg, but I miss Alfie so bad ❤ there ;)

[critic-corner]

13 Contemporary Rom-Com Novels That You’ll (Probably) Love

Even though this is a mainly fashion and film blog, I do like to consider this a platform where I get to share my thoughts and opinions on anything of interest properly and well, reading is a big passion of mine. Even though I do talk about it on Instagram a little but, for whatever reason I don't on this blog.

Many of my reader friends ask me for recommendations, so I took this as an opportunity to create some book-related lists even though it's a little hard to do that because lists are never-ending. Anyway, I'll try. Also, don’t worry it’s not gonna turn into a book blog, it’ll just be a small segment of my entire blog.

You can click on the book title to get your own copy!

One Day In December

Laurie is pretty sure love at first sight doesn't exist anywhere but the movies. But then, through a misted-up bus window one snowy December day, she sees a man who she knows instantly is the one. Their eyes meet, there's a moment of pure magic... and then her bus drives away. Certain they're fated to find each other again, Laurie spends a year scanning every bus stop and cafe in London for him. But she doesn't find him, not when it matters anyway. Instead they "reunite" at a Christmas party, when her best friend Sarah giddily introduces her new boyfriend to Laurie. It's Jack, the man from the bus. It would be. What follows for Laurie, Sarah and Jack is ten years of friendship, heartbreak, missed opportunities, roads not taken, and destinies reconsidered.

I have never understood the love at first sight trope but because this story travels for ten years where the characters get to know each other intimately, it worked out perfectly. My favorite part about the book was how you will see these characters grow and make important life decisions. By the end, I was so emotionally invested that I was sad when the book ended.

This is definitely one of my favorite contemporary novels. I have been recommending to all of my friends, even the ones that don’t read that often. If you are a rom-com fan, get this book because it’ll simply warm your heart.

You can get your copy on Amazon - paperback or kindle.

The Royal We

American Rebecca Porter was never one for fairy tales. Her twin sister, Lacey, has always been the romantic who fantasized about glamour and fame. Yet it's Bex who seeks adventure at Oxford and finds herself living down the hall from Prince Nicholas, Great Britain's future king. And when Bex can't resist falling for Nick, the person behind the prince, it propels her into a world she did not expect to inhabit, under a spotlight she is not prepared to face. Dating Nick immerses Bex in ritzy society, dazzling ski trips, and dinners at Kensington Palace with him and his charming, troublesome brother, Freddie. But the relationship also comes with unimaginable baggage: hysterical tabloids, Nick's sparkling and far more suitable ex-girlfriends, and a royal family whose private life is much thornier and more tragic than anyone on the outside knows. The pressures are almost too much to bear, as Bex struggles to reconcile the man she loves with the monarch he's fated to become. Now, on the eve of the wedding of the century, Bex is faced with whether everything she's sacrificed for love-her career, her home, her family, maybe even herself-will have been for nothing.

If you know me, you’d know that I’m a royal family nerd. So, when I came to know about this book last year, I was all over it because it seemed like a perfect escape. And while I was expecting it to be all cheesy, I was surprised by how realistic it seemed. Yes, it has been heavily influenced by the Kate-William romance, but that only added to the thrill of it. If you want a nice royal romance which also seems relatable, this is definitely the way to go!

You can get your copy on Amazon.

This Love Story Will Self-Destruct

Meet Eve. She’s a dreamer, a feeler, a careening well of sensitivities who can’t quite keep her feet on the ground, or steer clear of trouble. She’s a laugher, a crier, a quirky and quick-witted bleeding-heart-worrier. Meet Ben. He’s an engineer, an expert at leveling floors who likes order, structure, and straight lines. He doesn’t opine, he doesn’t ruminate, he doesn’t simmer until he boils over. So naturally, when the two first cross paths, sparks don’t exactly fly. But then they meet again. And again. And then, finally, they find themselves with a deep yet fragile connection that will change the course of their relationship—possibly forever.

This book was been marketed as When Harry Met Sally reimagined and I couldn’t disagree more. Apart from the fact that the two characters meet time and again, there isn’t much else relating this story with the movie and that’s not a bad thing. I just don’t want you guys to shocked like I was. Rom-coms have a fluffy, carefree vibe to them and technically, it has those aspects, but there is an underlying sadness to the story because of the female character (with whom I surprisingly found myself relating with, by the way).

I am that person who prefers character-driven stories over plot-driven ones and while this book doesn’t really fall in either of those categories, I fell in love with the two main leads. It’s been months since I read this book and they still casually pop up in my head every now and then, and I constantly find myself talking about them like they are real people. If you are a fan of emotionally-driven romantic novels, you might like this one.

You can get your copy on Amazon - paperback or kindle.

Unmarriageable

In this one-of-a-kind retelling of Pride and Prejudice set in modern-day Pakistan, Alys Binat has sworn never to marry—until an encounter with one Mr. Darsee at a wedding makes her reconsider.

One thing to always keep in mind before reading a retelling is that you cannot expect it to be amazing. At most, it can be great. I’m saying this because the ghost of the original and the eventual comparison will always be lingering over the book which will definitely hinder the reading experience. So, just go into it expecting a nice time, and not hoping to find your all-time favorite (if you do, then obviously that’s great).

Coming to Unmarriageable, the original premise of Pride & Prejudice fits perfectly on a Pakistani back-drop, or just any desi family. And while I was expecting to fall in love with the romance, I ended up enjoying the social commentary that Soniah Kamal did and that was probably because of how similar Indian people are. All in all, it was not the best Pride & Prejudice re-tellings (I think I’m yet to find that), but I sure as hell had a fun time reading it.

You can get your copy on Amazon.

Eleanor Oliphant Is Completely Fine

No one’s ever told Eleanor that life should be better than fine. Meet Eleanor Oliphant: She struggles with appropriate social skills and tends to say exactly what she’s thinking. Nothing is missing in her carefully timetabled life of avoiding social interactions, where weekends are punctuated by frozen pizza, vodka, and phone chats with Mummy. But everything changes when Eleanor meets Raymond, the bumbling and deeply unhygienic IT guy from her office. When she and Raymond together save Sammy, an elderly gentleman who has fallen on the sidewalk, the three become the kinds of friends who rescue one another from the lives of isolation they have each been living. And it is Raymond’s big heart that will ultimately help Eleanor find the way to repair her own profoundly damaged one.

This is one contemporary novel that has managed to step out that genre and successfully enter the literary talks. I have been hearing about this book for over a year and absolutely fell in love with it. If you are not the best in social situations and have a hard time navigating through them, you might like it very much. The story is told entirely through her point of view so it was very interesting to see this lonely person find her way to life (albeit unknowingly). What surprised me was just how funny the novel was. This can easily become one of your favorites!

Also, I have to appreciate the cover designer of this novel. There are two covers and both of them are genuinely so amazing!

You can get your copy on Amazon.

Always Never Yours

17-year-old Megan Harper is about due for her next sweeping romance. It's inevitable—each of her relationships starts with the perfect guy and ends with him falling in love... with someone else. But instead of feeling sorry for herself, Megan focuses on pursuing her next fling, directing theater, and fulfilling her dream college's acting requirement in the smallest role possible. So when she’s cast as Juliet (yes, that Juliet) in her high school’s production, it’s a complete nightmare. Megan’s not an actress, and she’s used to being upstaged—both in and out of the theater. Then she meets Owen Okita, an aspiring playwright inspired by Rosaline from Shakespeare's R+J. A character who, like Megan, knows a thing or two about short-lived relationships. Megan agrees to help Owen with his play in exchange for help catching the eye of a sexy stagehand/potential new boyfriend. Yet Megan finds herself growing closer to Owen, and wonders if he could be the Romeo she never expected.

I was going into the novel fully expecting it to be cheesy or even cringey and got out surprisingly loving it’s realistic portrayal of human emotions. My favorite part was the female character and her straight-forward way of thinking, even though it sometimes prevented her from becoming vulnerable. If you are a Shakespeare nerd, I guarantee that you’ll have a ball reading this one.

You can get your copy on Amazon - paperback or kindle.

The Sun Is Also A Star

Natasha: I’m a girl who believes in science and facts. Not fate. Not destiny. Or dreams that will never come true. I’m definitely not the kind of girl who meets a cute boy on a crowded New York City street and falls in love with him. Not when my family is twelve hours away from being deported to Jamaica. Falling in love with him won’t be my story. Daniel: I’ve always been the good son, the good student, living up to my parents’ high expectations. Never the poet. Or the dreamer. But when I see her, I forget about all that. Something about Natasha makes me think that fate has something much more extraordinary in store—for both of us. The Universe: Every moment in our lives has brought us to this single moment. A million futures lie before us. Which one will come true?

Another book that I expected to dislike but surprisingly didn’t. I hate insta-love stories, but weirdly enough this one seemed convincing to me. The characters were likable and do keep in mind that the demographic the novel was trying to reach was young adult and it worked perfectly for that in my opinion. One particularly great thing about the writing-style is the fantastic use of different POVs (point-of-view). If you've ever wondered about the life of those strangers that you only meet for 10 minutes or cross on the street, then I think you’ll particularly enjoy this one.

You can get your copy on Amazon.

My Oxford Year

Set amidst the breathtaking beauty of Oxford, this sparkling debut novel tells the unforgettable story about a determined young woman eager to make her mark in the world and the handsome man who introduces her to an incredible love that will irrevocably alter her future—perfect for fans of JoJo Moyes and Nicholas Sparks.

I went into this book expecting just another rom-com, my bad. I should have paid more attention to the fact that they mentioned Nicholas Sparks on the back cover and you should too because otherwise the second half will completely take you by surprise. This book has all the elements of a giddy romance - Oxford, with it’s Harry Potter-esque interiors, English poetry and amazing fleshed out characters. It will also (probably) break your heart, so keep the tissues close by.

You can get your copy on Amazon - paperback or kindle.

Josh and Hazel's Guide to Not Dating

Hazel Camille Bradford knows she’s a lot to take—and frankly, most men aren’t up to the challenge. If her army of pets and thrill for the absurd don’t send them running, her lack of filter means she’ll say exactly the wrong thing in a delicate moment. Their loss. She’s a good soul in search of honest fun. Josh Im has known Hazel since college, where her zany playfulness proved completely incompatible with his mellow restraint. From the first night they met—when she gracelessly threw up on his shoes—to when she sent him an unintelligible email while in a post-surgical haze, Josh has always thought of Hazel more as a spectacle than a peer. But now, ten years later, after a cheating girlfriend has turned his life upside down, going out with Hazel is a breath of fresh air. Not that Josh and Hazel date. At least, not each other. Because setting each other up on progressively terrible double blind dates means there’s nothing between them...right?

This is my second Christina Lauren novel and well, I had a ball reading it just as you’re supposed to with any of their novels. This one, in particular, stands out because not only is it well written but the characters felt oddly realistic. The first chapter did feel like the book will probably filled with all kinds of tropes because the female character is so fashionably eccentric but thankfully, non of that happened. It’ll make for an amazing weekend read!

You can get your copy on Amazon - paperback or kindle.

Vision In White

Childhood friends Mackensie, Parker, Laurel and Emmaline have formed a very successful wedding planning business together but, despite helping thousands of happy couples to organise the biggest day of their lives, all four women are unlucky in love. Photographer Mackensie Elliot has suffered a tough childhood and has a bad relationship with her mother, which makes her wary of commitment. But when she meets Carter Maguire, she can't stop herself falling for him, although his ex-girlfriend is prepared to play dirty to keep him. Mackensie soon realizes she has to put her past demons to rest in order to find lasting love...

This is first of the four in the Bride Quartet series and while I would literally suggest all four of them, just give this one a try first. There are a lot of things I like about this book, the main being the sisterhood that is majorly present in the entire series. Secondly, even though the female character has a dysfunctional family that leads her to being kinda sorta commitment-phobic, I like the relationship showcased is so healthy. Normally, in romantic books, there’s a lot of miscommunication to drive the plot ahead but this book works a nice example of how to showcase a healthy couple even if one of them (or both of them) are fighting internal battles. It’s a perfect cozy read!

You can get your copy on Amazon - paperback or kindle.

Practice Makes Perfect

Payton Kendall and J.D. Jameson are lawyers who know the meaning of objection. A feminist to the bone, Payton has fought hard to succeed in a profession dominated by men. Born wealthy, privileged, and cocky, J.D. has fought hard to ignore her. Face-to-face, they're perfectly civil. They have to be. For eight years they have kept a safe distance and tolerated each other as coworkers for one reason: to make partner at the firm. But all bets are off when they're asked to join forces on a major case. Though apprehensive at first, they begin to appreciate each other's dedication to the law— and the sparks between them quickly turn into attraction. But the increasingly hot connection does not last long when they discover that only one of them will be named partner. Now it's an all-out war. And the battle between the sexes is bound to make these lawyers hot under the collar...

This is one of the best workplace romances that I have come across and would highly recommend to everyone interested in that genre. It is a little cliche but it’s not trope-heavy which is definitely a plus. It has the right amount of heat and character development that a good fluffy contemporary demands. It’s just nice, fun ride!

You can get your copy on Amazon.

By The Book

An English professor struggling for tenure discovers that her ex-fiancé has just become the president of her college—and her new boss—in this whip-smart modern retelling of Jane Austen’s classic Persuasion.

If you couldn’t tell by now, I’m a sucker for Jane Austen re-tellings and unlike Unmarriageable, I really liked this one a lot. As I mentioned above, you can’t have your expectations with re-tellings high, but even if you expect some genuinely nice exploration of relationships (like Austen used to do, among other things), but in a modern setting then I think you will really like it. The fact that it’s completely from the female character’s point of view, makes the writing a lot more intimate. Give it a read, you may like it.

You can get your copy on Amazon.

The Upside of Unrequited

Seventeen-year-old Molly Peskin-Suso knows all about unrequited love—she’s lived through it twenty-six times. She crushes hard and crushes often, but always in secret. Because no matter how many times her twin sister, Cassie, tells her to woman up, Molly can’t stomach the idea of rejection. So she’s careful. Fat girls always have to be careful. Then a cute new girl enters Cassie’s orbit, and for the first time ever, Molly’s cynical twin is a lovesick mess. Meanwhile, Molly’s totally not dying of loneliness—except for the part where she is. Luckily, Cassie’s new girlfriend comes with a cute hipster-boy sidekick. Will is funny and flirtatious and just might be perfect crush material. Maybe more than crush material. And if Molly can win him over, she’ll get her first kiss and she’ll get her twin back. There’s only one problem: Molly’s coworker Reid. He’s an awkward Tolkien superfan with a season pass to the Ren Faire, and there’s absolutely no way Molly could fall for him. Right?

Even though personally, I wasn’t the biggest fan of the book because I just didn’t find it engaging enough, I do know that a lot of you out there might love. Not only does it have wonderful LGBTQ+ representation, but there aren’t a lot of book written about introverted young girls who love romance but have zero first-hand experience with it. I liked that it was fairly realistic and the characters were fleshed out. I’d say give it a try, you never know, may find yourself in Molly.

You can get your copy on Amazon.

[chiseler]

Beatrice Lillie: Get Her

When it is said that someone lives in their own world, it is often not meant kindly or admiringly, but Beatrice Lillie lived and worked very much in her own world like a child does at play, seemingly impervious to outside reaction or convention. If you “got” her no one was funnier, and in her heyday she was actually billed as “The Funniest Woman in the World,” all by herself. Why is someone funny, especially if you are not an easy laugher? Because of an element of surprise, or the swift introduction of something unexpected, and Lillie’s comic style was nothing but unexpected, aberrant, capricious.

She was born in Canada in 1894, and she started performing early with her mother and her sister Muriel. Lillie’s mother would sometimes sing an “art” song called “There Are Fairies at the Bottom of Our Garden,” and later on Lillie was persuaded to try the “Fairies” song for laughs, as can be seen in an appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1952. When she sings, “And the queen, well can you guess who that may be?” the word “queen” comes out as “kuh-ween,” and Lillie is the ultimate in pansy flair here, using a feather fan as a self-delighted child would.

Lillie had her hair cut short in the 1920s and kept it that way, and she often did trouser roles on stage in the 1910s for her showman mentor André Charlot because most of the male actors were off fighting in World War I. On the cover of the album Thirty Minutes with Beatrice Lillie, she is turned to profile with this severe brush cut and looks very chic lesbian, but she had several male lovers. In 1920 she married a tall man named Sir Robert Peel, and so Lillie could call herself Lady Peel for the rest of her life, mainly for a gag. Peel was a gambler who put her deeply in debt by the time of his death in 1934, and so she had to keep working and commanding large fees on stage to pay these off. Her son with Peel, who was also very tall and good-looking and named Robert, died during World War II, and her anguish over this is made clear in her autobiography Every Other Inch a Lady, which was published in 1972.

Lillie appeared regularly in revues in the theater, and she made a film debut in Exit Smiling (1926), in which she plays Violet, a drudge-of-all-work behind the scenes in a repertory theater company who wants to play a vamp on stage and gets to dress up in male clothes to threaten the leading man of the troupe, played by swish expert Franklin Pangborn. The gender signifiers are all over the place here, and Lillie gets her laughs with some physical comic business and even gamely sells an unrequited love theme when Violet falls for a young actor (Jack Pickford).

Lillie did a sketch with Frank Fay in The Show of Shows (1929) where Fay keeps interrupting her as she tries to speak about a girl who was a “sailor’s delight,” and here she utilizes one of her sharpest weapons: the unexpected pause. Her lost feature Are You There? (1930) seems to survive only as a few songs without picture, but that was a perfect title to express her restless weirdness. It isn’t easy sometimes to get on Lillie’s wavelength in what remains of her work, but then that was always the case; you either “get” her or you don’t, and “Get her!” was her favorite camp phrase.

In the Bing Crosby picture Doctor Rhythm (1938) she plays Mrs. Lorelei Dodge-Blodgett, a society woman who does Lillie’s noted “One Dozen Double Damask Dinner Napkins” routine with Franklin Pangborn. At 44 here she is dry and naughty-ish and hard and oblivious, and some of her effects are clearly long-practiced and set, yet the result is fresh because she seems so easily bored and prone to yawns. She gets some of her biggest laughs by acting suspicious at random, which is why everything she said or that people said around her began to sound like a double entendre. Lillie often seems demanding, but demanding what?

Her face says, “Now, no nonsense!” and yet she is pure nonsense, and such purity can be more than a little intimidating. She wears “funny” clothes and carries a bent walking stick in Doctor Rhythm, but these are superfluous because it is Lillie herself who is bent. When Kenneth Tynan profiled her in the 1950s, she told him that maybe people laughed at her because of her nose, as if searching for a simple explanation. Tynan himself felt that Lillie wanted to do without language entirely, which is the point of her dinner napkin routine where she makes comic hay out of “danner nipkins” and “nanner dimkins.” It is easy to imagine Lillie playing with dolls for hours, or getting caught in the revolving door of a hotel and staying in there for a half hour because she liked it, just as Zelda and F. Scott Fitzgerald once did.

On Approval (1944) is her masterpiece, and it is shared with her co-star and director Clive Brook. On Approval is not just a film that Lillie is in, as her others are, but a real Beatrice Lillie film that seems to take its irreverent tone from her. It mines the recent past (the 1890s) for laughs, and it is high comedy, whereas Lillie herself was neither high nor low but somewhere off to the side. Her Maria Wislack makes jokes and waits for her laughs as Beatrice does in Much Ado About Nothing, and she keeps saying the non-word “Ho!” as an all-purpose exclamation until the film itself takes her up on it and becomes obsessed with it. Maria has a managing and bossy manner, but she is very silly underneath, and this is a strange combination.

The height of Lillie’s art on screen comes in the way On Approval has the 41-year-old Maria at the piano singing a song that begins, “I’m just 17, and I’ve never been” only to cut her off to show other cast members before going back to her singing “I’m just 17” twice, and then making us wait quite a while until she goes back to the piano and finally sings the whole first line: “I’m just 17, and I’ve never been, to any stately ball!” The visual nightmare towards the end of that film suits Lillie’s sensibility perfectly, especially when she is done up in Grecian garb and holding poses.

It seems a shame that Lillie didn’t make a few more films as a friend to screwball comedy heroines of the 1930s, or maybe an appearance or two in some Warner Brothers adventure movies of the 1940s (imagine Bea confronting Bogart) or some specialty cameos in Technicolor MGM musicals. She stuck to the theater and capped her career with a show called An Evening with Beatrice Lillie in 1952, for which she won a Tony award and which she toured in extensively. Lillie did many of her best songs here, including the very camp “Maud,” where she talks to a female friend about how she and their set are all “rotten to the core,” and the Ivor Novello ballad “There are Times,” which she sings fairly straight.

By the 1960s, Lillie’s wits were getting fuddled by Alzheimer’s disease, but she appeared as Madame Arcati in High Spirits, the musical of Noel Coward’s Blithe Spirit, and she was the wicked Mrs. Meers in the heavy-going musical hit Thoroughly Modern Millie (1967), where she is finally vanquished by another camp performer of a very different stripe, Carol Channing. Lillie lived for over 20 years more after that, but in decline, and she was cared for by her long-time friend and companion John Philip Huck, who died the day after she did in 1989.

Her memory has been perpetuated by Bruce Laffey, who wrote a book about Lillie and his friendship with her, and John Ellis, who has lovingly presented all manner of droll Lillie-ana on YouTube and elsewhere. The meaning of Lillie’s life and art might remain obscure or at least hard to pinpoint, but that’s the fun of her, and the danger too, for she had an edge that admitted only initiates for play.

by Dan Callahan

[darkstache-iplier]

ABO verse - a Septiplier fanfic (Chapter 1)

I’m putting it on the title, so please, if you don’t like Septiplier (Jack/Mark) or abo (alpha/beta/omega) fanfics, please do not read this. 

You’ve been warned.

NSFW chapters will be tagged and warned as such. 

-----------

When they began their youtube carriers, they made a very important decision: because of the hate they would receive in case they said the truth, they decided to lie.

Unlike Felix, Mark and Sean were not Betas. And by not being Betas, that meaning, by being minority, since the world was mostly made by betas, they decided to hide their true breeds.

Because Sean McLoughlin was an alpha, and Mark Fischbach was an omega, and they really, really didn't want to profit out of their 'unlikeness' like many youtubers did.

They wanted to be gamers.

And be known by being gamers only.

 --------

 "Thank you guys so much for watching! If you liked it, PUNCH that like button in the face, like a BOSS and! High fives all around! Wapish, wapish. Thank you guys and I will see all you dudes... IN THE NEXT VIDEO!"

Sean chuckled softly once he finished his outro, pulling his hat down and turning the camera off, just in time for his phone to buzz with a message.

When he picked up, his attention peaked and he grinned, knowing exactly who it was.

'Excited for next week?' – MF

Sean sighed happily and closed his eyes for a second. Next week. Next week! He was going to meet Markiplier next week!

Holy shit, what had his life become.

'Super excited!!!!' – SM

'Don't get so excited buddy, me and my friends are boring as shit' – MF

'Doubt it!' – SM

Honestly, it didn't even matter. Just knowing them would be amazing.

Mark sent him a winky face and Sean chuckled deeply, shaking his head and turning back to his computer. It was already ten pm and he hadn't even started to work on the video that had to come up in two days.

Sean groaned deeply and rubbed his eyes. He didn't want to work but he had to. He stood up, to make some good and strong cup of coffee, to be able to stay awake during night to do all he needed to do. In two or so days, he would be flying off to the USA for the first time.

He couldn't be more excited.

Never he had thought that being a Youtuber would make him do all he wanted to do, and more! This was all a dream come true!

As he made his coffee and waited for it to go down, he suddenly remembered something very important and checked the drawers of the kitchen. He hummed when he found what he wanted, but frowned when he saw he had only one pill left.

He would have to buy more Alpha hormones suppressants in the next morning. He couldn't possibly forget them.

They were going to meet up with fans. Some could be other alphas or even omegas, and that would be very indelicate if he just showed off exhaling something strong, specially when he claimed for the whole internet that he was a beta.

Sean sighed, shaking his head to himself and grabbing his coffee as he returned to his room. He hated, hate lying. He thought people deserved his honesty. But honestly, being an Alpha in society nowadays was pretty much as dangerous as being an omega. Those two breeds, as much as Sean knew about it (which wasn't much) had been decaying around the ages. The population was mostly formed of betas by now, making alphas and omegas rarity, and something people either hated for their 'old ways' (which wasn't their fault but oh well) or fetished, wanting to have an omega or an alpha for themselves to show off.

His whole childhood had been very difficult because of it, with kids not wanting to be his friend because they thought he would attack someone because of his heightened instincts, or people wanting to be his friend only to show off they had an alpha friend, or even worst: the ones that bullied him for being a small alpha.

Because honestly? In modern society, Alphas were still huge. But Sean... he was small, thin, weak, and he didn't really show off that Alpha breeding. So other kids usually made fun of him, making him decide when he was 14 that he wanted to get suppressants and just pass as a beta.

All his siblings were betas, he could be one too.

Since then, he had been living that life. Taking pills every day to hide off his scent, and trying to pass as 'normal'. As a beta.

It was easier than he thought, honestly, even if it was a bit annoying.

He just hoped that his fans that were omegas and alphas knew that like, they were closer to him than they thought.

Pushing those thoughts away and sitting down by his computer again, he began working on the videos for the next day and next week. He had filmed a few cool games, and he even had a silly video based in one of Mark's own. He just loved Mark's sketches. They were so cool.

Mark seemed to be a great guy. He talked to Sean, thought he was funny, watched his videos and liked all of them, and now they were going to finally meet and like, Sean couldn't be happier. Mark was like an idol, even though he had to pretend he wasn't, because like, how embarrassing it would be if he just acted like a fan?

They were equals, as much as career said, and if they were going places together with Mark's friends, they could also be considered friends.

Right?

Sean groaned and rubbed his face, shaking his head and focusing back on the video. He had no time to deal with this. He had to focus and finish everything and then he could go all fanboy on the thought of meeting all those cool people.

Now, he had to focus.

 ----------

 Mark put his phone away when he heard the doorbell ring. He had been sending messages to some people, one of them being that Irish boy Jack that would be coming over next week.

He stood up from the couch, and unlocked the door, his smile growing when he saw Bob and Wade standing outside his door.

"Guys!" he said happily, opening his arms, and both of his best friends walked in, giving him a hug. "Oh boy, you guys got here early!"

"Yeah, we wanted to eat out of your pocket money" Bob said, and Wade chuckled as Mark smirked and made a face.

"Asshole" he mumbled and closed the door. "Well anyway, we are alone by now since the Cyndago guys left to let the house for us during the next week" he shrugged, and Bob nodded, putting his bag down.

"Yeah no one cares where's the food" he said, dryly, and Mark snorted loudly, making Bob smile.

"Want Pizza, Chinese, or what?" Mark asked, reaching for his phone and looking down as he searched for the phones. Bob and Wade looked at each other and hummed.

"Chinese" Wade nodded, and Bob agreed. Mark nodded and sat down, and they did the same, looking at Mark as he ordered.

"Okay so I ordered a lot of stuff" he said after he finished, putting the phone down and laying on the couch, humming. "Now, update me on stuff"

"Wow, thank you for your hospitality" Wade said, sarcastically, and Mark shrugged, looking at him.

"You guys are family, nothing to worry about"

"Well, life is normal" Bob said, shrugging, and Mark looked up at him. "You are the one that should update us on what's going on. You're moving everywhere, all the time, found a cool group of guys to replace us, all that good shit"

"Come on, I didn't replace you" he chuckled and shrugged, hugging the closest pillow. "They are just cool and they like my voice and they are friends. We have a lot of fun together"

"Wink wonk" wade said, and Mark threw the pillow at him.

"Shut up" he chuckled and laid down again. "I have a girlfriend, you know?"

"Oh yeah" Bob said, and Mark looked at him. "About that, weren't you guys going to break up?"

"Well... honestly I'm trying" Mark said, looking up at the ceiling again. "But she just doesn't get it. She says we need time, that she loves me very much, all that shit... I just don't know" he shrugged softly.

"I still think she only likes you because of your breed" Wade said, seriously, and Mark opened his eyes, cheeks burning out of embarrassment as he groaned.

"She doesn’t know" he growled and looked at him, and Bob sighed.

"Mark. Everyone that spends more than a month around you just know. It's impossible to hide your scent all the time" he said softly, and Mark groaned, turning away from the on the couch.

"I wouldn't have invited you if I knew this would become a breed conversation" he huffed, and both Bob and Wade looked at each other, and then at Mark.

"Okay sorry. We won't talk about it" Bob said, smiling as Mark's back relaxed and he moved back to facing them. "You have been working out too, I see"

"yeah... I kinda have to if I want to hide from people that watch me every day" he chuckled, and Wade shook his head, smiling.

"You are very passing, don't worry" Wade assured, and Mark chuckled, lifting his arm and flexing it.

"Check these guns" he said, kissing his biceps, and both Wade and Bob began laughing loudly as Mark showed off all his muscles and how his working out had been helping.

After that, the mood lightened, and they talked about their lives until the food arrived. Then, they picked it up, and ate it while watching some stupid show on TV. While they did, another topic came up, and as such, they began talking about it.

"What about that Jack guy that is coming over next week? Your new internet friend?" Bob asked, and Mark chuckled, nodding slowly.

"Jack? Yeah he is coming to LA to meet us. He is very, veeeeery excited to meet you guys. And me" he winked, and Wade chuckled.

"Well, by what we have played together and talked, he really does seem like a cool guy. I can't wait to meet him" he said, honestly, and Mark nodded, smiling.

"yeah. I think it will be nice to meet my little internet friend" he agreed, eating another bite of his food. "He is a beta too, so like, super chill"

"Cool, we are gonna bond" Bob said, grinning, and Mark laughed loudly.

"Hey, don't steal my friend!" he whined and both Bob and Wade laughed loudly, Mark joining soon after before the laugher died and so did the noise.

Mark liked it. He liked that he could just chill with his friends and not think about anything for a while. He already had his videos ready for this week, and now he just needed to order some suppressants and enjoy the week that would follow.

It would be the beginning of a great friendship, he could feel it.

He couldn't wait. 

@cookieface678

[ethicallysourcedhumanmeat]

Practically Impractical

[Previous][First][Next][Skip NSFW Chapter] [Masterpost]

Part 5

Jumin isn’t sure what he’s gotten himself into. And a part of him hopes that when his alarm goes off in the morning that none of it happened. Inappropriate dreams were certainly one thing, but he can’t seem to rationalize that he made the decision to involve himself in this. Yesterday morning he would have said it was impossible, that he was above such base interactions, and yet now, thumbing through the gallery on his phone Jumin didn’t have an excuse.

He was in the elevator when the second text came through, replaying the events of the evening, trying to come up with a good reason for kissing Amelia, to explain the text from Saeyoung in some way that made sense. He’d called Assisstant Kang twice and hung up before it started to ring and when his phone vibrated, ringer now off, he looked instinctively expecting something curt from her not, this.

Not Luciel’s down turned face, not Amelia’s flushed chest and certainly not the way their hands pushed past the boundaries of the other’s clothes. He’d quickly turned off the screen of his phone despite being the only person in the elevator.

Once home it nagged at him. He was sure this was some kind of game, a joke. He hung up his coat, folded his jacked and was unbuttoning his vest when his phone buzzed again. He told himself he wasn’t going to answer but he could not abide the flashing light. He would simple close the notification and be done with it.

In case you don’t know how sharing works, how about some show and tell. His thumb hovers over the notification but he can’t seem to make himself move, that’s when the second message comes through and he’s left with simply 2 unread messages.

He’s unbuttoning his shirt when it gets the best of him, would the second message explain what was happening, or simply continue whatever madness had taken Amelia and Luciel. He exhales through his nose and snatches up his phone.

We’ve shown, now you tell.

He sits down heavy on the edge of his bed. This is exactly what wasn’t supposed to happen. Amelia was charming, she could keep up with the clients and their partners, she was able to appear attached to him without inciting anymore gossip than that which surrounded his assistant. He wouldn’t lie to himself that he hadn’t considered, briefly, what it would be like have her as his own, but she had chosen Saeyoung and that had been supposed to be his safety net.

He missed V. V would see what he’s missing. V would talk him out of doing exactly what he was doing.

Now, hours later, after a fitful sleep he has to ask himself what he’s doing. He forces himself to close the photos, dial the phone.

Jaehee’s voice is groggy when she answers and Jumin glances at the clock. Odd, he thinks, that Assistant Kang would still be sleeping when she was to be at work in two hours

“Please contact Saeyoung and Amelia and arrange a breakfast meeting.”

“Can’t you?” Jumin waits a moment. “I mean of course, Mr. Han. It just seems like, is this business, I’m sorry what should I tell them you’re meeting about.”

Jumin can feel his ears get hot. “They’ll know.” He hangs up the phone.

*

“Listen.”

“Listen.”

“Listen.”

“List—“

“Listen!”

Saeyoung watches his little family dissolve into laugher. Even Saeren has joined in teasing Max this morning, smiling and laughing over cereal and coffee.

“Mom, listen,” Max starts again when they stop laughing. “I’m serious.”

“I know you are.”

“Mr. Han kept you out very late last night.”

Saeren’s eyes narrow at him over his giant coffee cup. He’d still been awake playing games with Yoosung when they’d stumbled in from the garage tangled in each other’s clothing.

“And it was very nice of Saeren and Saeyoung to keep you company until bed time.”

“Mom.”

“Maxine.”

He could see the 8 year old mirror of Callie rolling her eyes behind her orange juice.

“You know those dinners are part of my job and Jumin is not in control of how late either of us have to stay.”

“Dad thinks,” she trails off as everyone turns to look at her.

Callie shoots a warning look at each of the twins in turn before she looks at Max. “Sweetheart I’m sure your Dad thinks a lot of things.”

“It’s just,” she sighs. “He says there’s a lot of pictures of you and Mr. Han.” She glances towards Saeyoung and he smiles at her.

“Max, your Dad could ask me if he’s concerned about anything in our life. Are you concerned about me and Jumin?”

“No, but I looked and there are pictures.”

“A lot of pictures,” Callie agrees, “of Jumin and I eating lunch and getting out of cars.”

“I know but—”

“Remember when we moved in with Oma and Opa and you started at the school there.”

“You mean the rumors.”

“Yeah, those people talking about the pictures are making up rumors about Jumin and I. Jumin is very private and one of the reasons I accompany Jumin so often is because the rumors don’t bother me, and if they’re busy trying to figure out who I am to him they’re not harassing Jaehee, or the other women who work directly for Jumin.”

“Dad said you like the attention.”

Saeren snorts.

“Well, he’s got me there,” Callie smiles and shakes her head. “The attention is free press, if people are talking about me they look up my show and maybe they end up liking it.”

“So you pretend to be his girlfriend?”

“Not exactly, he always introduces me as his close friend, but we let people think I’m his girlfriend if that’s what they want to think.”

“You were still supposed to be home in time to tuck me in.”

“And you were supposed to have your bag packed for school so we aren’t late this morning, it seems we’re both disappointed.”

Max shrugs, “I guess I won’t ground you this time.”

“I’d appreciate it.”

The three of them manage to get Max to the bus just in time, with Saeren packing her lunch and Saeyoung packing her bag while Callie got her dressed and bargained with her to brush her hair. Callie doesn’t have time to change out of her pajama’s but Saeyoung suspects she never intended to. He snaps a picture of them from the doorway and Callie manages to flip him off behind her back.

Callies phone vibrates on the counter as he opens the RFA app on his own, he considers running it out to her but decides the world won’t end in the ten minutes she’ll be gone. He puts the picture up in the chatroom and waits.

Are those Ninja turtles? Yoosung responds immediately.

You let her go out in her pajama’s Seven? Zen isn’t far behind.

I don’t let Callie do anything, he responds. How did telling her what to do work out for you Zen? He’s contemplating emojis when Jaehee enters the chat.

I don’t know what either of you did to Mr. Han but please ask Callie to answer her phone.

He decides on the confused emoji

He called me twice late last night and hung up before I answered, then again this morning at 6am insisted I set a breakfast meeting with you and Callie and chastised me for over sleeping, her angry emoji. I was up until 2am running numbers on cat food for his newest project. Please tell me where I should make arrangements.

He hears the door open and close. Callie has entered the chatroom. Callie has left the chatroom. Jaehee Kang has left the chatroom.

Saeyoung glances up from his phone and watches Callie tuck her hair behind her ear.

“No I swear this isn’t...God Jaehee really? He’s really upset you think?” She worries her bottom lip for a minute. “No, no I do know what it’s about...don’t worry I swear...not cats no,” she laughs. “No, no. Don’t do that... No, ask him to meet us here...I’m sure it isn’t...I’ll take all the blame...Tell him I insisted...Thanks Babe.”

“Babe?” he laughs when she sets the phone down.

“Apparently we broke Jumin.”

It wasn’t long before the man himself walked through the door. Saeren had left with a backpack over his shoulder and they’d relaxed into their usual morning, Saeyoung was pretzeled into his desk chair working his current freelance gig while Callie lay on the couch, feet over the back, head dangling off the cushions while she compiled playlists for her broadcast. She doesn’t look at him when the door opens.

“What the fuck even are these songs Zen sent me,” she calls across the house. Saeyoung inclines his head towards her. “I’ve never even heard most of them, and at least three are fan parody’s about him. I can’t put this in my show.”

Saeyoung laughs and spins his chair around, feet hitting the floor when he sees Jumin standing by the door.

“He’s been there for three whole minutes,” Callie shrugs sitting up.

“You’re so Vain,” Jumin says softly as he removes his coat.

“What?”

“Carly Simon, You’re so Vain, for your broadcast with Zen.”

Saeyoung laughs.

“Holy shit,” she whispers. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

Jumin watches her add the song and slide her laptop onto the coffee table before swinging herself upright on the couch.

“Did you want a coffee?” She asks, standing and stretching. “I assume you didn’t actually want to eat but I could probably make you something if you really wanted.”

He shakes his head. “No thank you, Amelia. I would take a cup of tea if you don’t mind.”

She smiles and he watches her move through the small kitchen. “Sorry, I promised myself I would stay in my pajama’s all day today so as much as breakfast on C&R sounded lovely, it couldn’t compete with not having to put on real pants.”

He doesn’t exactly understand the sentiment but he nods and looks away when she reaches for a mug and her shirt rises up exposing a few inches of her back including the top of her underwear.

Saeyoung reaches into the cupboard around her and tosses a container of what appears to be homemade cookies on the table and then pulls an energy drink out of the refrigerator. Saeyoung’s house was cleaner than Jumin ever remembered it. Though there still was a chaotic quality with clutter covering most surfaces, there didn’t seem to be candy wrappers and dirty dishes lying around.

“So you want to talk about last night?” She smiles handing him a mug and sitting next to Saeyoung.

It’s unsettling standing in the little kitchen with their bright eyes trained on him. “Yes, I’m sorry, I should not have involved myself in your personal life like that.”

“Is that what you think happened?” She asks him.

“I think that we maybe we had too much to drink at a dinner with very small portions.”

“Did I embarrass you, Jumin? I thought I was pretty damn charming last night.”

“Yes, well, perhaps too Charming, Amelia, considering.”

“I will admit,” she smiles and sips her coffee, “last night did go a lot farther than I had intended.”

“We,” Saeyoung corrects her, “We intended.”

She nods. “I saw an opportunity and exploited it instead of,” she stumbles for a moment and makes a moving on motion with her hand. “I should have spoken to you. That had been my intent. But then I saw the chance to both gauge your interest and cater to Luciel’s. So I kissed you and if that has made you uncomfortable I apologize.”

Jumin sits heavy across from them. “You’re speaking as if it was you who kissed me.”

“It may as well have been,” Saeyoung says.

“I spend a lot of time with you, and you always compliment my ability to read people. You’re not as complicated as you think you are.” She smiles at him, that wide open smile she has when she’s truly happy with herself.

He’s quiet for a while. He drinks his tea watching them, the way that they communicate with looks and little touches. Smiling and bumping shoulders between drinks. Saeyoung grabs a cookie from the container he’d tossed on the table and dunks it in Amelia’s coffee. She rolls her eyes, exaggerating the motion with her entire head. He wonders if he spent enough time with them would he understand their subtle language.

“So,” he puts the empty mug on the table. “If we were to have the conversation you’d intended to have in the parking garage, what would you have said?”

Two sets of bright eyes turn on him, and he’s more than a little satisfied that he seems to have caught them off guard.

“Well,” she draws the word out and glances towards Saeyoung. “I didn’t really have a script, which is why just kissing you seemed like a better way to ask.”

“It’s just that I spent a lot of time watching people on CCTV,” Saeyoung starts.

“And I’m not exactly opposed to being watched,” she chimes in.

“Except I can’t really, you know, spy on her if she’s with me.”

“And we both agree that we’ve, you know, gone there, with the current arrangement.”

“I don’t know,” Jumin frowns. “Gone where?”

“You know,” she sighs exasperated. “We’ve both thought about you and I doing what that kiss was leading to last night.”

His eyebrows rise. “You mean you have both fantasized about sex with me?”

A look passes between them. “About Callie and you,” Seven offers with a shrug. “Not that I’m opposed if that’s a thing you’re into.”

“A thing, I’m into,” Jumin repeats.

The quiet that falls now does not lend itself to joivial poking. No one looks at anyone else until finally Jumin clears his throat.

“I woke this morning, worried I broken boundaries, concerned that perhaps I’d taken advantage of a weak moment in your relationship.”

“Oh fuck, no,” She laughs but Jumin puts up a hand.

“What you’re telling me is that you have both, through open discussion decided to invite me into your relationship, through the convenience of our working relationship?”

“I mean, I guess,” Saeyoung shrugs.

“It’s not as sordid as you’re making it sound.” She pushes her coffee cup away and frowns at him. “Yes our working relationship, as you put it, did lend itself to the fantasies that encouraged our encounter, but we didn’t chose to extend you this offer without really considering it.”

“Truely?”

“If at any moment last night you had not seemed receptive I would not have moved forward. Not to mention we did discuss other options. Yoosung is cute but he’s a baby, Zen doesn’t know when to stop talking and honestly I think he would be horribly scandalized by the offer. We did seriously discuss Jaehee, she’s wound so tightly and doesn’t have time for a proper relationship—”

“Please move on.” Jumin is blushing.

“But we both like you, and if you are uncomfortable with any kind of arrangement, then that’s ok. We’ll probably abandon it.”

“It seems strange to make such an arrangement within the RFA,” Jumin says thoughtfully.

“Who else can we really trust?” Saeyoung asks.

“I mean we could look elsewhere but Saeyoung is right. There’s no question of trust and the three of us leaving a dinner or a party together invites much less speculation.”

Silence falls again.

“Jumin, you’re human. For a minute stop weighing pros and cons,” Saeyoung says. “If you enjoyed yourself last night I think you owe it to yourself to at least consider it.”

“What is your offer then?” Jumin asks.

“We can start with whatever you’re comfortable with,” she says softly.

“And Saeyoung requires access to CCTVs where he can see us.”

Seven nods and swallows. Jumin stands and runs a hand through his hair. “I will consider this,” he says and leaves.

[ethanalter]

2017 Sundance Film Festival Preview: 23 Movies We Can't Wait to See

As the first major film festival of every calendar year, the Sundance Film Festival always sets the conversation for the films that serious movie buffs will be seeking out and debating for the next 12 months. And the 2017 edition, which runs from January 19-29 in the festival’s longtime home base of Park City, Utah, will be no different. Yahoo Movies combed through the 181-entry line-up to pick the 23 features we’re most excited to see at this year’s festival. And check back here often for our continuing coverage from Park City.

Salma Hayek in ‘Beatriz at Dinner’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

Beatriz at Dinner The dynamic duo behind the 2000 Sundance sensation Chuck & Buck, writer Mike White and director Miguel Arteta, re-team for another off-kilter comedy. After her car breaks down, holistic health expert, Beatriz (Salma Hayek), is stranded at a client’s house as a celebratory dinner party is about to begin. Over the course of the evening, she becomes increasingly obsessed with one of the partygoers, Doug (John Lithgow). And, as Chuck & Buck fans know, obsession is fertile territory for White and Arteta.

Before I Fall Ry Russo-Young’s adaption of Lauren Oliver’s bestselling novel puts a YA spin on the “live, die, repeat” school of movies like Groundhog Day and Edge of Tomorrow. Zoey Deutch stars as Sam, a high school Queen Bee who finds herself reliving the day of her death over and over again. Open Road Films will release this cult hit-in-the-making in March.

Zoe Kazan and Kumail Nanjiani in ‘The Big Sick’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

The Big Sick Silicon Valley and Twitterverse funnyman Kumail Nanjiani co-wrote this rom-com with wife Emily V. Gordon based on their real-life coupling. He’s an aspiring comedian whose one-night stand with a grad student (Zoe Kazan) blossoms into a full-fledged relationship, much to the chagrin of his Muslim parents. Directed by The State creator Michael Showalter and produced by King of Comedy Judd Apatow, the film also features Ray Romano and Holly Hunter.

Burning Sands Welcome to Hell Week, frat-house style. Gerrard McMurray’s scalding debut feature takes audiences inside an African-American college fraternity as a new group of pledges, led by promising freshman Zurich (Trevor Jackson), endures emotional and physical abuse in the name of brotherhood. Look for a supporting turn from Moonlight star Trevante Rhodes.

Crown Heights After impressive supporting roles in Short Term 12 and Selma, LaKeith Stanfield (fresh off those sick dance moves celebrating Atlanta‘s win at the Golden Globes) lands his first starring role. He flexes a Trinidadian accent as Colin Warner, the real-life Brooklyn man who spent 20 years in prison after being falsely convicted of murder. The drama, written and directed by Matt Ruskin, follows the efforts of Warner’s best friend Carl King (Nnamdi Asomugha) to clear his name.

‘The Discovery’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

The Discovery Sundance is never short on promising premises, and this one has us intrigued. It’s touted as a love story set in a world where the afterlife has been scientifically proven, which has set off a rash of suicides by people eager to get to the other side. Directed by Charlie McDowell, who brought the twisty sci-fi romance The One I Love to the fest in 2014, the ensemble features McDowell’s longtime girlfriend Rooney Mara, Jason Segel, Jesse Plemons, Riley Keough, and the Sundance Kid himself, Robert Redford.

Fun Mom Dinner Like Sundance’s indie response to the raunchy 2016 box office hit Bad Moms, this comedy unites Toni Collette, Molly Shannon, Katie Aselton, and Bridgett Everett as four preschool mothers who bond over the course of a wine-soaked, weed-clouded evening out. Written by Julie Yaeger Rudd (wife of Paul Rudd) and directed by Alethea Jones (making her feature debut), the film counts both the Ant-Man star and Adam Scott (who also appears) as producers.

A Ghost Story Three years ago, the trio of David Lowery, Casey Affleck and Rooney Mara teamed up for the breakout Sundance favorite, Ain’t Them Bodies Saints. Now, they’re reuniting for the haunting tale of a dead man (Affleck) who returns from the hereafter to watch his lover (Mara) grow old without him. Despite the tragic subject matter, Affleck will have something to smile about during Sundance: his name will almost certainly be among the Best Actor candidates when Oscar nominations are announced on Jan. 24.

An Inconvenient Sequel: Truth to Power Al Gore’s slideshow-driven global warming documentary An Inconvenient Truth defied all expectations in 2006 when it earned $24 million at the U.S. box office, blockbuster numbers for a doc. Sundance 2017 will open with this sequel to the influential film, which also headlines the festival’s inaugural “Climates” section.

Jessica Williams in ‘The Incredible Jessica James’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

The Incredible Jessica James Popular Daily Show alum Jessica Williams headlines her first film, playing a New York twentysomething struggling to get over a break-up and make it as a playwright. The fest’s closing night film is written and directed by Jim C. Strouse, a Sundance regular with entries like Grace Is Gone, People Places Things and The Hollars. Expect Jessica James to capture love and heartbreak in the same poignant, sharply funny fashion.

Ingrid Goes West The perils of social media connections are explored in this dark comedy from first-time feature director Matt Spicer, who cowrote with David Branson Smith. Parks and Rec alum Aubrey Plaza plays a mentally disturbed young woman who becomes so obsessed with an online “influencer” (Avengers star Elizabeth Olsen) she moves to Los Angeles to befriend her — and we can only assume, “single white female” her. Look for our reaction on Twitter.

Jenny Slate in ‘Landline’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

Landline Gillian Robespierre and Jenny Slate’s follow-up to the 2014 Sundance favorite Obvious Child transports audiences back to that magical, mythical world known as the 1990s. While Dana (Slate) sows her wild oats as her wedding day approaches, her sister Ali (Abby Quinn) indulges in Party Girl-era New York City nightlife. For true ‘90s authenticity, we expect a soundtrack filled with equal parts TLC, Hootie and the Blowfish and Gin Blossoms.

The Little Hours Real-life comedy power couples unite. Engaged item Dave Franco and Alison Brie costar with Aubrey Plaza, whose boyfriend Jeff Baena (Life After Beth, Joshy) wrote and directed this Middle Ages-set laugher about three nuns (Brie, Plaza, and Don’t Think Twice breakout Kate Micucci) whose chaste existence is thrown into upheaval by the arrival of a studly day laborer. Baena based on the story on The Decameron, the novellas of 14th-century author Giovanni Boccaccio.

‘Nobody Speak’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

Nobody Speak: Hulk Hogan, Gawker and Trials of a Free Press With a wave of newsroom closings and charges of “fake news” flying around almost daily, the journalism industry is facing serious challenges in the coming years. Brian Knappenberger’s unnervingly timely documentary seeks to use one specific case — Hulk Hogan’s high-profile lawsuit against now-defunct website Gawker — to speak to the larger ramifications of living in an America in which the “free press” isn’t truly free.

Person to Person Dustin Guy Defa (who brought a short film by the same name to Sundance in 2014) wrote and directed this collage of intersecting tales of New Yorkers on the go. A newspaperman (Michael Cera) mentors a rookie reporter (Broad City‘s Abbi Jacobson) on the crime beat; a teenager (Tavi Gevinson) critiques her best friend’s new boyfriend; a slacker (George Sample III) offers an apology for posting nude pics of his ex-girlfriend; and a vinyl junkie (Craig Butta) chases a lead on a rare record.

The Polka King Just take one look at the title and tell us this doesn’t look like a vehicle tailor-made for Jack Black? The School of Rock and Bernie funnyman plays real-life Pennsylvania polka singer Jan Lewan, who (inadvertently?) operates a Ponzi scheme that will inevitably be his undoing. Jenny Slate, Jason Schwartzman, Jacki Weaver, and J.B. Smoove costar in this tragi-comedy from writer-directors Maya Forbes and Wallace Wolodarsky (Infinitely Polar Bear).

Nicholas Hoult as J.D. Salinger in ‘Rebel in the Rye’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

Rebel in the Rye Suggested alternate title: Holden Caulfield Begins. Writer/director Danny Strong (one of the masterminds behind the hit Fox series, Empire) revisits the formative years of future Catcher in the Rye novelist J.D. Salinger (Nicholas Hoult), when he was just a struggling writer romancing Hollywood royalty, Oona O’Neill (Zoey Deutch).

Roxanne Roxanne You wouldn’t necessarily think old-school rapper Roxanne Shanté (Chanté Adams) would be next in line for the hip-hop biopic treatment after the likes of Biggie, Tupac, and NWA, but all the more reason this drama about the groundbreaking Queens emcee deserves its props. From the producing team behind the 2015 Sundance breakout Dope (including Pharrell Williams and Forest Whitaker), the Michael Larnell-directed film also features Nia Long and Moonlight costar Mahershala Ali.

78/52 Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho gets the Room 237 treatment with Alexandre O. Philippe’s shot-by-shot deep dive into the film’s notorious shower scene. Instead of Shining “truthers,” though, Philippe relies on directors like Guillermo del Toro and Peter Bogdanovich to analyze the art and science behind this nightmare-inducing sequence, which has been putting viewers off taking regular showers since 1960.

To the Bone Prolific TV writer/producer, Marti Noxon — whose small screen credits range from Buffy the Vampire Slayer to Unreal — makes her feature filmmaking debut with the highly personal story of a 20-year-old woman (Lily Collins) wrestling with a serious eating disorder. With Noxon at the helm, not to mention skilled supporting players like Keanu Reeves and Lili Taylor in the ensemble, there’s little chance that To the Bone will play like an afterschool special.

Michelle Pfeiffer and Kiefer Sutherland in ‘Where Is Kyra’ (Photo: Sundance Institute)

Where Is Kyra? We’ve lived through the McConaissance; maybe 2017 will be the Pfeiffersance? With roles in Kenneth Branagh’s Murder on the Orient Express and Darren Aronofsky’s Mother in the coming months, Michelle Pfeiffer begins the year with a star turn in Andrew Dosunmu’s drama about grief-stricken, emotionally unstable woman whose reliance on the kindness of a stranger (Kiefer Sutherland) takes a dark turn.

Wilson Daniel Clowes’ 2010 darkly amusing graphic novel about an aging crank jumps off the page and onto the screen, with Woody Harrelson in the title role and writer/director Craig Johnson (The Skeleton Twins) behind the camera. General audiences will have a chance to see Wilson in March courtesy of Fox Searchlight, but Sundance crowds will be the first to know whether Johnson has done Ghost World-level justice to Clowes’ work.

XX Even as horror anthologies like V/H/S and The ABCs of Death have proliferated, female filmmakers are too rarely invited to join in the gory fun. Enter XX, which serves up four scary stories helmed by women, including Karyn Kusama (The Invitation), Roxanne Benjamin (Southbound), Annie Clark (a.k.a. St. Vincent) and Jovanka Vuckovic (The Captured Bird). It’s well past time for a horror movie to shatter that glass ceiling…and then use the resulting shards to draw some serious blood.

[winstonhcomedy]

“Dope A-F” - 4/12 - 4/18 - “This Doesn’t Feel Good Anymore”

Laydees and baybees I can’t lie to you. I have been having a really tough last few weeks with my mental health. Honestly I think I am an imposter and don’t deserve to be doing any of the shows I have been doing. I’ve been struggling at work due to a lot of increased crisis/stress situations, comedy has gotten to me, and a lot of other stuff I don’t really want to divulge on the blog. I am writing this because Monday was the rock bottom of it. Since Monday I have started to come back. I’ve been focusing my energy on positive things, and really working through some actual issues I have. II feel renewed, and I know even when it is tough I have a lot of amazing people who care about me. I know this is a super long and probably never-ending journey, but I am going to do everything in my power to not succumb to it like I did Monday night. Thanks to all of my super understanding friends/loved ones. You are amazing and I love ya a bunch.  I might start talking about my mental health in here more often because this blog is extremely therapeutic and cathartic to me. I mean it when I say I love all of you, and just wanted to thank anyone who has ever read this. Thank you so much. 

SO WITH THAT SERIOUSNESS OUT OF THE WAY! Let’s get to catching up this lovely little blog. So let’s do it!

4/12

I legit could not have been more happy for a work week to be over. I had a half day at work and was just so mentally and physically exhausted I felt like I was going to die. 

I was going to be doing an opening spot in front of Chris Alan at The Southern. He was headlining a show in the main room and we were all super excited for it. The lineup was going to be Alex Castagne hosting, then me, Brandon Beswick, Paige Campbell, and then Chris closing it out. 

It really started to fill up after we got there. A lot of comics came to hang out like Kenn, Jake Snyder, McCallie, Keaton Ray, Abdulla, Sean Wells, JR, and some others. We also had some of the fans of the local scene out for the show. We sold about 120 tickets which is an incredibly huge deal. 

The show starts and Alex goes up and has a good hosting set. We can all tell the crowd is tight for some reason. They are definitely shying away from race material, and honestly they aren’t giving Alex what his jokes deserve. He does well though and gets some big pops. He then brings me up.

I hated this set. I didn't do poorly, but I wanted to slaughter so bad. I was dumb and tried to do race stuff to try and win them over. My first two didn’t do well at all and then I went into other material that killed and then back to race and it worked better. I don’t know I feel like I screwed myself so I was crazy upset. I didn’t bomb, but I didn't kill. I had one of the better sets, but still I could have done better. I’d give this set a C+ or B-.

Then Beswick went up and they were a little tight for him to. He definitely won them over and the show continued to build. His closer hit super duper hard so that was awesome to see (especially since he worked it out at Host Battle). 

Then Paige went up and did well also. The only thing he lost them on was his chunk on trans people. It’s not an offensive chunk of jokes, but people are just weird about that topic. Other than that it was a solid lineup. 

After him Chris went up and absolutely destroyed for an hour. He did a bunch of new, and didn’t care what the audience thought. They loved it though and showed why he is such a great comic and integral part of the scene here. 

After the show we all hung out for a bit and caught up with those that came to the show. I was starting to feel terrible and in my own head so I decided to go back to Lucy (Sam Padgett’s gf) place with some of the guys and chill for an hour. We did that and it was super fun, but I just wanted to leave and get some sleep. So I did. I went home feeling awful and passed out. Ready for the next day.

4/13

The next day was ok. Depressed most of the day, but the good news was I got to spend it with my dog and family before heading into town. There was just an open mic this night. It was going to be at Intermission Beer Co. It is one of my favorite mics, and is always a good hang. There is usually a pretty ok crowd, and they're a little older and white, but it’s a good group of people to learn how to work. It is a room that James Muñoz started, but Jacob McFadden runs it almost every single month. I ask for a spot and around 5 I head into town.

I get there and as I pull up so does Jacob and his gf. We talk and I help him bring the equipment inside. As the night goes on more and more comics show up. Bryan Williams is there ( and he is incredibly sad and frustrated, Liz Carr (who is going to be the new host of the show after Jacob moves), Aaron Shoemaker, Ben Oliver, Jack Gerow, and then bunch of new comics including this dude who kinda looked like Drake. I don’t remember his name but it was his first time and his family came with him from Stafford to watch.

The show starts and it is just incredibly weird. No one is really doing super well. Most of the audience stays but no one can really crack them open. Jacob got some laughs and seemed to have them on board, but as the night went on it was just bomb after bomb after bomb. Including Bryan Williams who I named the Eeyore of Richmond comedy. He bailed early on his set and was really in his feelings. We talked about his set afterwards and he will be fine.  They don’t always go well, and sometimes you got to switch stuff up, but you should never ever bail on your time. 

Eventually I go up and I have a really fun set. I do some newer stuff, and some light crowd work. The best part is the audience is really digging it. I’d give my set a B or B+ but I definitely had one of the better sets of the night. I got laughs all the way throughout and I felt pretty good about it. 

After my set I stuck around until the end and just hung out with everybody. Most everyone else dipped out, but Jacob/his gf joined me at Buffalo Wild Wings. We had a blast, ate a lot of food, and got a huge dessert. It was a super great night. He then showed me Moe Singleton’s rap album, and I realized it was something I had to talk about at Host Battle the next night. It was an incredibly fun night, and stayed my depression for at least one day. I still had the weight of my week on my back, and I could tell that I was close to losing it. 

I headed home and got a good night of rest before the next day. I knew I had Host Battle, and I was super worried about the attendance of that show, and how it would go. The last time we did it in Richmond my good friend Keith Marcell had a breakdown and threatened to kill me and Chris. It ruined the show, but also it was one of those things where he was having a bad time and couldn’t keep it together. With everything I have going on I worried I would lose it, but I can usually table that stuff until after I get off stage. I got home ridiculously late, and passed out. I needed some time to think, and I got it thankfully.

4/14 

I used my day to pretty much do nothing. I helped around the house, spent time with my dog, and just lounged around until I came into town for Host Battle.

This was the premiere night of Game of Thrones, there was a huge storm coming, and honestly Sunday night shows in Richmond are usually pretty poorly attended. 

I get there and use the next hour or so to get everything set up. I move the tables and chairs to where I want them, get the lights and sound right, and wait for everybody to get there. As we inch closer to showtime I realize this is going to be a poorly attended show.  Other than the comics on the show Mu Cuzzo, Paige Campbell, Alex Castagne, LE Zarling, Moe Singleton, Rebecca Hyman, Nick Deez, and Brandon Beswick there was maybe 6 or 7 people there. They weren’t huge laughers and this was going to be a long show. IT ended up being a blast even though no one was really killing. Hopefully it was productive and fun for everyone involved. I’d give this show a C-. 

Chris and I riffed up top and got basically nothing. I was in a bad mood and just trying to hold it together. Paige did ok, and so did LE. LE had a good story about her new house and there are definitely places she can go with it. Alex set was a ton of fun and so was Mu’s. Mu was super nervous but he ended up having a blast. It was Paula his gfs birthday so we wished her a happy bday and hopefully it was a good time for her. 

Nick had a good time and so did Rebecca. We got some good laughs out of their sets. Then Moe came up and his was the set of the night. We talked about his engagement and busted his balls. WE talked about his hip hop and I even played some over the speakers. Honesty this is why I love the show. Even when it is bad it is fun to do, We closed with Beswick and he had a good one too. Honestly this was as good as the show could have gone. I packed everything up and headed out to pass out. It was a super fun time, but I was officially done mentally and had started to feel super sick. I think my allergies were kicking my butt as well. I went to sleep and ended up calling out of work the next day because I couldn’t take it. 

4/15

The next day I enjoyed my day off from work. My allergies were killing me but I wanted to make sure I got to get a set in. So later that night I met some friends for dinner at Texas De Brazil to celebrate Jacob moving. Alex, Beswick, Jacob, Buhse, his gf, Braman, Nate Izquierdo, Clay Shoaf, and Francesca Lyn all came out. It was a super fun time, but I wasn’t feeling really great by the end of it. I then drove to Charlottesville for The Southern.

This is when I hit my low point. I don’t know why, but depression hit me hard on the ride up there. I got there and honestly talked to people for a bit, but I just wanted to head home. I grabbed my backpack and told Chris and Paige I might head home. I was not in a good headspace. 

I took some time to myself outside, and Brandon came out. We talked for a bit, but then everybody came outside and it made me feel super anxious. I headed back in and just decided toot really talk to people and just do my set. I was going up next to last so I had to sit through a lot of comedy. It was incredibly hard to be there, but I did it. I slowly started talking to people again, and tried to not let my poor mental state get to me. 

When it was finally my turn to go up I made myself do super new stuff. Stuff that I really wanted to try, and I had a very fun set. There are some good nuggets in there. The show was lightly attended but the audience was into it. I’d give this set a C+/B-

The only problem is I felt so bad that even doing well sucked. Like it didn’t feel great at all. This was a lot of personal/family stuff, mixed with mostly comedy/work stress, and feeling ill from my allergies all rolled into the worst night in a long time. 

After the show I got to talk to my friends about some serious stuff, and had several people reach out to me which made it so much better. Paige and I had a long talk about depression on the phone and honestly it made a world of difference. I am very happy I have friends like him and Chris and everyone I talked to that night. It meant the world and honestly after going through that I felt like I was on the right track to feeling good again. 

I know mental health will always be a work in progress, but with each and every day I truly feel like I am building to being a better person and in better control of my anxieties/depression/issues. So thanks again. I think writing about this stuff when it happens will allow me to be vulnerable and will help me process when my brain lies to me. I went home, passed out, and got ready to go back to work.

4/16

The next day at work wasn’t easy, but it was way better. I had a better attitude and simply talking to people about it, and taking a day to get better physically and mentally made a huge difference.

I immediately felt better about everything, and I loved seeing the kids at work even when they were upset or frustrated. I love these dudes, and that’s why I keep doing it. 

My show this day was in Arlington at Busboys and Poets at Shirlington. Allan Sidley runs this room and I was going to be doing about 8-10 minutes on it. I was happy he booked me. He had told me that this crowd is usually pretty PC so to bring some woke jokes I was nervous about this. I know I can work any crowd, but recently I had been wanting people to like me for the material I love, and not just the stuff I know will work for them. So I had to really think about my set. 

I get there and I was the first comic on the spot. I did some writing and just hung out for a while. The room started to fill out and it was going to be a nice diverse crowd (I’d say 60/40 white to black split, and about 50/50 men and women). They had sold 50+ tickets, and then they had some walkups which was nice. So the room was pretty full by the time the show started.

Allan got there and we chatted a bit. His mother was at the show, and he seemed pretty stoked about that. We had a nice talk and then the other comics showed up. Nathan Luft, Ralph Cooper, Blaire Postman, and Tommy Taylor Jr. This was a super dope lineup even though Nathan is the only person on the show I know pretty well.

Allan goes up and does a fine hosting set. He goes a little long, but he is just trying to crack this audience. After him is Nathan who had biked 7 miles to get there so he had to change in the bathroom into his show clothes. He goes up and does pretty well. He has to try to crack them too. They are getting looser, but they do seem to be pretty PC.

After him is Ralph Cooper and he starts super strong. He has some stuff about race that hits really hard and was cool to see. He had a couple of spots that dipped, but other than that he really had them with his race material. It was awesome. They seemed primed and ready.

Following him was Blaire Postman and I had never seen her before. She was super high energy and really connected with he female portion of the audience. Everyone enjoyed her, but she had some of the ladies dying. It was fun to watch. It had me excited. I wondered if I could follow this since I had decided to not go the super woke route, and just do my material. 

I go up and absolutely slaughter. It was a hot ass set. I was supposed to do like 10 and I never go the light so I did about 15. They loved everything I did. I didn’t have any dips, and the best part is IT FELT GOOD TO DO. It felt so good to really connect, and be through that mental shit I was dealing with. I felt like I belonged. After my set I said my goodbyes and headed home. It was a nice 2 hour drive, and I got to catch up with some friends on the phone on the way home. I loved it I’d give this set an A-/A. 

4/17

The next day I decide to go check out Clash of the Comics and possibly be one of the judges if they need one. Then afterwards is Home Sweet Home.

I get to clash and put my name in for Colby Knight who is coming from Lynchburg. He rode with Jake Snyder, and Alex Castagne came out to perform as well. I was told I could be the fourth judge but was asked if I was ok with one of the other people who was judging. I told them that if they were judging I’d rather not be involved. I’d still stay for the show, but I just wouldn’t want my name attached to it. That person was told and they decided to leave the venue and not to be a part of it. So I ended up getting to judge anyway. 

We were having a great hang before the show. Stella Naulo (a new female comic who is eager to learn/work) came out to support and there were plenty ion other comics on the show or just chilling like Big Scotty, Tank, Remo, Tony Harris, and then a bunch of new comics I’ve never seen before.

The judges were Brock Hall, Dylan Vattelana (who was also closing out) and myself. We get situated and fill out our scorecards and the show gets started.

It was kind of a weird crowd and the show did not start out hot. The first few comics were super new and did not do well at all. They couldn’t hook the audience and the presentation wasn’t there. The first really good set was Alex Castagne. He got the crowd and did his material. It all hit and he closed strong.

Big Scotty had a strong set as well. Then there were a few more bombs in there. Jayron had a hot one and Tony Harris also killed. It was actually some tough competition this month. The next few comics did pretty poorly and the crowd was ready to be done. We went to the back to add up the scores, and gave them to Liz.

She went on stage and announced the order. Jayron came in third, then Alex was second, and Tony Harris won. It was a crazy close vote. Good to see all of them do well, and that bodes well for clashes in the future. After the show I said goodbye and headed to Home Sweet Home.

I get to HSH and there is an actual crowd there which was amazing. There are new comics and they are actually doing well and a lot of my buddies are there chilling. Kusterer, McFadden, Stella, Jesse Jarvis, Danny Dunlea, Tom Hall, Liz Carr, Kate Carroll, and a bunch of others. 

I watch a few comics and get my set ready to go. When it is my turn I get brought up to a classic Jacob McFadden intro. “This next comic sometimes does this really offensive character and he pretends to work at a school for autism, but he really works at a WaWa.” So I went up and ran with it and went through my new stuff. Most of it worked. I got some good responses and made a solid impression. I felt good about this set. It was productive and I am feeling good again while on stage. I’d give it a B. 

I then went downstairs and just talked shop with everybody. We riffed new bits, busted balls, and just had a blast. It was a super fun night and I stayed until the end of the show. I needed a night like this. It is so good to be able to pull through this mental and physical shit. I am on my way to a better place and nights like tonight remind me of why I do this.

4/18

This is one of the nights I had been worried about for a while. I am closing out a show at Kindred Spirits. I need the stage time. I love the opportunity to do a longer set, and I like doing shows outside of the city. It is unpaid (we are benefitting St. Judes), and I don’t really know any of the other comedians on the show (other than Alida Harper). 

I invited Stella the previous night to come check it out. She was curious about crowd work and what it was like to work different rooms. I figured since there were no shows it could be a good opportunity to check it out. 

I got there pretty early and just kind of unwinded and relaxed. I could tell this was going to be a more country show with a bunch of white people. It was a super nice brewery out toward Goochland. The set up was great and although I don’t really drink the beers looked and sounded amazing. 

The show runner was this guy named Mike Ward. He used to do comedy in RVA a long time ago. Long before I started and he pursued it pretty hard. After that didn’t work out he got the opportunity to run a monthly benefit show here and decided to go for it. So he books some active comics and also a few of his friends who haven’t really done standup before. So I am very nervous about this show.

I meet the other comics who are super new and then Alida shows up. She is pretty nervous about this country suburban crowd and I am getting the vibe it is not going to be good.

The audience doesn’t even look like they are there for comedy because there is a dude playing sad music for an hour. A great musician, but not really setting the mood for comedy. Then St. Judes sets up a donation table which includes I giant vinyl poster of a bald child suffering from cancer. Which also does not bode well for comedy. 

Everybody on the show is super nice. It is an ok sized crowd. Apparently one month they had like 100+ people there, and this month it was closer to 30 to 40 which is ok. 

Stella shows up to check out the show and her and Alida hang out while we wait for it to get going. The dude who is in charge fo the St. Judes thing gets on stage to start and he just talks about the charity, and raising money. He then proceeds to get an audience member on stage and shows people how to get donations. He asks the dude if he likes kids. The guy says yes. He then asks if the guy likes cancer. The guy says no, He then asked for 1000 dollars. The guy said no. Then he tells them, “Oh so it sounds like you hate kids and LOVE CANCER,” It was one of the cringes things I have ever seen in my life and a bad way to get donations. 

Then Mike goes up and does about 20 minutes, but the first few he is talking about he charity some more. So the comedy show had been going on for 10 minutes and it had all been about kids with cancer. 

The comics each went up and a few did ok. A dude who did comedy with Mike from year before went up first and he did alright. Then a guy who was brand new went up and did about 30 minutes. He told stories, and it was not good at all. He had an audience member be a plant, and that bit didn’t work at all. Then this other newer guy Kent went up and he had a fine set. Half of his stuff worked, but no one was really destroying.

Some people had started to leave, and the rest of the audience seemed restless. Every time someone mentioned people not donating the St. Jude’s guy would just scream they were “MONSTERS”. It was getting ridiculous. There was also a dude who brought his two kids with him. He also clapped when a comic said, “we all know a c**t”. 

Alida is nervous but she goes up and has a fine set. She is definitely the best so far. She had their attention and got some actual good pops on her material which was nice to see. She responded to a few hecklers and got some good lines in. It was a successful set, and fun to watch.

Then it was my turn. By this point I have my set ready, but I know I am just going to do crowd work. I go up and I just start working them over. I talk shit about how I’m not getting paid, and how no one has donated. The guy yells monster and I shit on him. I talk about how everyone should donate but not the way that dude said to donate. If you do what he did people are just going to wish you have cancer. This was risky but got a huge laugh.

I am having an awesome set. I talk to the guy who brought his kids and wife and talk about him being dad of the year, and shitting on him. It kills as well. I start working the front two tables, and they love it too. There were a couple of dudes in the front I talked to like they were a couple and they ate it up. I made fun of a lady who was a marketer and asked her to do marketing for this show so people would show up. Turns out she did, and she was embarrassed. So that was great. I also went in on the guy who did comedy for the first time and ran the light by 30 minutes. 

My set went on for about 20 minutes and I closed with one joke. I was proud of this set and I’d give it an A-. I got paid in beer that I will just end up giving to a friend, and I got some follower on IG and I got people to donate money so that felt dope.

After the show I got to meet a bunch of people, and got a lot of compliments. I got to give out some business cards, and got to kind of unwind after my set (I worked my ass off and was sweating by the time it was done). I then said goodbye and got to talk comedy for a while after the show with Stella. Her head is in the right place and she wants to work hard. I love when new comics are at least determined to get better. I then headed home and passed out. I have to go to DC the next day and I’m nervous as always. 

CAUGHT UP AGAIN LAYDEES! Nothing can stop me. Not even my. weird feelings. I am through it now and will be fighting everyday. You are all the best laydees and baybees a guy could ask for. xoxoxo until next time sweeties!!!!

[campaignsoftheworld]

npower 'The Hum’ Campaign to Support Team England in 2018 Commonwealth Games

FCB Inferno launch a new ATL campaign 'The Hum' for npower, supporting their transformed CGE anthem – Jerusalem – to give athletes their first official track as they journey towards the Gold Coast 2018 Commonwealth Games. As the largest group of English athletes ever prepare to leave British shores, npower has created a campaign built upon the universal truth of ‘home support’. Identifying that the more vocal fans there are behind the athletes, the better the performance of the whole team; npower’s Team England campaign looks to galvanise the support of the nation by making CGE’s anthem more accessible for a modern-day fan base. In 2010, Jerusalem was chosen by fans to replace Land of Hope and Glory over God Save The Queen as the official CGE anthem. However, despite the fanfare around the change, the track has only been used for medal ceremonies. To bring the track up to date and get the entire nation behind Team England, npower and lead sponsorship agency Ear to the Ground and Syco Entertainment to enlist pianist and music producer Tokio Myers - known for his winning performance on Britain’s Got Talent - to modernise the iconic English hymn.

The film shows snippets of people humming a tune in everyday situations – making tea, in a changing room, at work and in the shower, demonstrating the way an earworm spread and highlighting the fact that although the nation knows the song, they don’t necessarily know the words – before the camera drops to reveal a radio playing the official track, and finally cuts to the Abbey Road studio, revealing Commonwealth Silver medallist and star of The Voice UK Jazmin Sawyers singing onstage. Recorded at London’s famous Abbey Road Studios, the 23-year-old Law graduate, who won silver at 2014 Commonwealth Games in Glasgow with a 6.5m leap, was accompanied by a 54-piece orchestra and full choir. The long jumper was joined by teammates including Max Whitlock, Ellie Robinson, Jack Laugher and Lois Toulson, before they all head down under in advance of the official opening on 4th April. The track was released on the 16th March on radio, VOD and Spotify, Jazmin and Tokio hope the rousing rendition will spur on fellow Team England contestants to glory. The film will go out across VOD, Radio and OOH and will include social media activity on the ground in Australia as the athletes prepare for the games to start. npower’s Head of Marketing, Ed Madden said: “For many of our athletes, the Gold Coast 2018 Commonwealth Games will be their first experience at this level and far away from many of their fans, family and friends when they need them most. By reimagining Jerusalem, we want to give athletes the ultimate power of support whilst competing away from England. We’re extremely proud to be supporting Team England at such an exciting time for the Commonwealth Games. As the only major event to feature able-bodied and para-athlete competitions together and an equal number of medal events for men and women, it particularly resonated with us. It celebrates the best of sport where diversity and equality are embraced and celebrated. That was such an important factor in npower’s support for the Superhero Series and our partnership with Commonwealth Games England raises this to another level.” FCB Inferno EVP, Sharon Jiggins, added: “Our creative approach was to bring the power of support to life by featuring people in their homes, in their cars and in their places of work getting behind Team England. They might not know all the words to Jerusalem but that’s not going to stop them being vocal in their support.” Credits: Brand: npower Creative agency: FCB Inferno Creative partner: Al Young Creatives: Gerard Roda, Vivien Decombe Strategy Director: David Jackson Executive Vice-President: Sharon Jiggins Senior Account Director: Jo Sweeney Account Director: Kirsten Barnes Agency Producer: Hanna Davis Director: Alvaro Ramirez Editor: Nick Parish Post production Company: Unit Sound house; Unit This article is related to: npower, FCB Inferno, England, ATL campaign, Creative, Sharon Jiggins, Abbey Road Studios, Jerusalem, Athletes, CGE anthem, 2018 Commonwealth Games, Gold Coast, Digital Campaign Read the full article