#jack isn't like sam he's not cas... he's like dean

[shallowseeker]

It was a post that mostly screenshots but it had some good parallels. I think it was a lot of Henry, John, Cas, and Jack. Do you remember if it was you?

I looked for these for the past few days! Was it these? This was a freeform, and very VERY messy. I've tried to make it into a list to make it... at least jumpable.

A father’s duty; work and family and protection and–

Post 1 - "Fathers should protect" Images of young John, Kelly, Cas, Jack, child John, Henry, Dean It’s too big. It’s too big for everyone. These expectations. Work, provide stability, provide food/water/shelter, protect, preparation, take on the world, uphold the world. Post 2 - "Henry & Cas" Only two images, both Cas and Henry lamenting "IF I COULD GO BACK" Post 3 (scroll) - "Broken home" Starts with the image of the cars at the broken house Cas & the dilapidated family home - And we have it again, the dilapidated family house, with Dean’s car and the ghostly truck-of-the-father, followed by some scenes of Cas in his truck. Post 4 - "@ironworked comments" Starts with images of Castiel and Anael discussing how God isn't with them " They don’t have time to process anything. There’s just no time. Cas makes the right decision, just too late... He decides to go home! He concludes that even without God, we have each other." Post 5 (scroll) - "WORK; more commentary" Starts with images of Dean and Cas in the bunker, Cas in "work clothes" and Dean clad in his sleeping robe "...then they’re tragically caught in that same fight of trying to be everything, to shoulder these intense, heavy weights of life. ...And Dean’s face transforms from something soft to dazed-and-alarmed. It’s kind of heartbreaking how even when they’re being honest with each other and looking for other ways, it’s still too much." Post 6 (scroll) - "Sam + communication, Cas in the wind" Starts with images of Sam talking to Cas, talking to John Sam expresses his frustration on the phone with Cas being gone again. It hearkens to other Sam phone calls - John, Cas previously. Plus: Dean's spinning out, and the "Jack is not family" of it all. Post 7 (scroll) - "War-son" Starts with a long text-quote of Dean talking to John's grave The tragedy of Jack, the war-son. And the legacy of heroism in The Winchester family line of heirs. (Aside/// Sam is a spare. Dean and Jack are heirs. etc etc. ) Plus: Hopelessness. Emptiness. They all feel it. Post 8 (scroll) - "Amara: Starts with Images of Amara When we look at the bomb detonated, we think about the previous detonation, intractably tied up with darkness. AMARA. Post 9 - (scroll) - "TFW reunited... too late?" Starts with Images of Dean freaking out After Jack whispers, “Don’t let me hurt you,” we’re thrown back into a united TFW, rallying themselves and not giving into their specific flavors of Despair. Dean breaks his chains and takes on death.

I made the links because I feel like there were a couple of other anons that focused on these topics, and from what I gather, it's related to the weekend discourse that I, amazingly... totally missed out on.

Fair warning again: This is hard to sift through because I'm chaotic. But there's some stuff in there you might like if you dig.

Hopefully, this is the post that you meant!

[m1zumono]

dean winchester and autism because this man is autistic and i will not accept otherwise:

his reaction to sam giving him the giant slinky at the end of 7x14 'plucky pennywhistle's magical menagerie'

actually physically stimming when he enters the bunker with sam in 15x14 'last holiday' and sees the christmas decorations

the boxing episode, 11x15 'beyond the mat', where dean spends the entire episode fanboying and (for lack of a better word) plays in the boxing ring

wearing the same thing (flannel, jeans, in earlier seasons the leather jacket) almost all of the time while not in disguise to work cases

eating the same thing (cheeseburger with extra onions or pie) at almost everywhere they go, as often as he can (about dean winchester and food, i could talk about that for hours he has so many issues with it and it's all john winchester's fault)

his ability to recite movies line for line, and his tendency to communicate almost entirely through references and movie quotes, and expecting people to understand what he means

about references, he makes jokes and references when it's not appropriate, he doesn't understand that something isn't appropriate in a situation where it isn't specifically pointed out to him, and he generally has a pretty messed up sense of empathy and inability to 'read the room'

‘you’re always calling me a geek, but you know every word to every led zeppelin song, backwards and forwards. you can discuss in detail every major rock drummer between ’67 and ’84… and you watch ‘jeopardy!’ every night.’ - directly quoted from sam winchester in 14x20 'moriah'

in 13x06 'tombstone' when they go into the motel and dean talks about the cowboys, identifying all of them and going into quite a bit of detail about a few of them, even though nobody asked him about it and he is absolutely infodumping. 'he really likes cowboys.' 'yes. yes, he does.'

his knowledge of cars, particularly baby, and how he takes her for a ride when he's sad because of the comfort she provides him. also about baby and comfort, the way he offers to let people drive baby when he realises that they're sad, thinking it'll make them feel better as she makes him happy and he doesn't understand how else to help

in 1x03 'dead in the water' he talks to lucas about how he didn't speak as a kid, he plays with the toy soldiers and it doesn't come across as playing with them to make lucas trust him, it actually comes across as him finding genuine enjoyment in it

in 1x15 'the benders' when he's talking to the kid who mentions godzilla, dean brightens immediately and goes off topic talking about his favourite godzilla film, and has to be reminded that he's working a case by sam

the entirety of 14x04 'mint condition', how dean gets to express his interests and be himself and how a lot of people have mentioned that he seems to be genuinely himself in that episode instead of the act he puts on

larping with charlie, no explanation needed

he shuts down when things go badly, often blasting music and ignoring everything and everyone around him

he always picks scissors when playing rock, paper, scissors, and it's actually something that comes up multiple times within the show - in 2x17 'heart', sam says, 'dean, always with the scissors,' and along the same lines, his excitement both times he actually wins the game

in 1x04 'phantom traveller', dean is terrified because of the plane and sam points out that he's humming metallica. he replies that it calms him down, and that just seems very autistic

[sastielsfandom]

I love the idea that Dean wants Sam to agree that Cas is like another brother. The third Winchester brother and Sam is immediately like no. Dean is offended because wtf Sam he's laid his life down for us. While Sam is trying to actively get it through Dean's mind that there is already another brother which Dean waves off. And also it's cool that Dean sees Cas as a brother figure he just doesn't have that type of relationship with Cas. Which is the wrong thing to say apparently. Because well why aren't the two closer? What does it take for Sam to consider someone a brother huh? Does only blood count is that why he considers Adam a brother and not Cas? Meanwhile Sam is just sitting there thinking of all the reasons it would be very concerning if he saw Cas as a brother figure.

[monstermoviedean]

mourning pre-dabb era badass ruthless nothing-stands-in-his-way unstoppable force cas. i really miss him.

[dewwinchester]

done. | d.w.

summary: you wake up to an empty bedroom, which isn't usually a good sign. but what you might find might not be too bad. OR, dean wants a normal life.

pairing: dean winchester x reader

word count: 1.7k+

warnings: fluff, surprise sam appearance, no specific pronouns used, no use of 'y/n'

a/n: it has been years since i've written any kind of fanfic, so please be gentle with me.

The moment your eyes fluttered open, you knew something wasn't right.

The air was a little too still, and your bed was a little too cold. There was no noise except for the gentle drip, drip, drip of the tap in your bathroom and the occasional rumbling of the bunker's old pipes. The light from your alarm clock illuminated the room in a dim red glow, and after rubbing the sleep from your eyes, you could just make out the time: 03:26.

You sat up slowly, squinting through the darkness to make out your surroundings. Your bedroom was in the same state you had left it in when you'd gone to bed, but there was something missing.

Rather, there was someone missing.

Dean's side of the bed was empty, the sheets strewn around haphazardly. There was no sign of him anywhere, not even the slightest thing to point you in his direction. You wondered if he'd had a nightmare and left the room to clear his thoughts.

You threw the blankets off your legs and shivered as the warmth from the covers instantly left you. Sliding your socked feet into your slippers, you wrapped your robe around your body, sighing in relief as the newfound warmth spread through you.

Despite being the only one in the room, you made sure to sneak out, careful not to make any noise. You tiptoed past Sam's room, knowing the smallest sound would wake him up—pure instinct.

There was no one in the library. Nor was there anyone in the kitchen. For the first time in what felt like a very long time, the bunker was empty. Normally, you were lulled to sleep by the faint clicks from Sam's keyboard or the light chatter from Cas or Jack, both of whom never needed to sleep –

A pang in your heart caused you to stop in your tracks.

Things were different now. The bunker was different. Two of the most important people in your life were gone, and you had no way of seeing them again. Despite your success in literally killing God, you couldn't help but mourn what used to be. You missed your little family, the little life you all made with each other.

You saw a faint flickering light from underneath the door to the "Dean-Cave" and heard a few familiar voices that made a smile creep onto your lips. Pushing the door open, you were greeted with the sight of just the person you were looking for.

Dean was fast asleep on one of the recliners, legs stretched out in front of him and neck craned at an awkward angle. A beer barely rested in his grasp as an episode of Scooby-Doo played on the flatscreen TV. Miracle was protectively curled around his feet, his big brown eyes staring up at you curiously.

You knew better than to wake Dean outright. For all you knew, there was a weapon expertly concealed and within arm's reach. Instead, you tiptoed into the room, reached for the TV remote, and turned down the volume slowly. Then, you took the beer from his hand and placed it on the side table before resting a gentle hand on his pyjama-covered knee, careful not to step on the dog.

"Dean," you whispered, thumb tracing gentle patterns.

Ever alert, Dean's eyes flickered open slowly. He looked around, confused for a moment, before his green eyes landed on you. For a moment, you worried that waking him was a mistake—he needed all the sleep he could get—but the faint smile that tugged on the corner of his mouth told you that you had done the right thing.

"Hey there, sleepyhead."

"Did I wake you?" His voice was laced with sleep, low and gravelly. If it wasn't three o'clock in the morning, your heart would have skipped a beat.

Oh, who were you kidding.

"No, no. You're okay," you smiled, standing back as Dean readjusted his position on the couch. He sat forward and winced as he stretched out his neck, finally rubbing his eyes. Miracle stood up, leaving the room with a huff, no doubt going back to your bedroom. "I woke up and you weren't there. I got worried."

"I'm good."

You raised a sceptical eyebrow.

"I'm good, promise," his tired eyes softened. "Just couldn't sleep before. Couldn't switch off."

You nodded in complete understanding. "Right."

You were going to try and get him to come back to bed—selfishly, you slept better when he was with you—but he just looked so damn comfortable in the recliner, you couldn't bring yourself to do it.

"You stay here," you said, voice still soft as a whisper. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm gonna go back to—"

"No, I'm awake now," he said, shooting you a pointed but playful look. He sat back in the recliner and patted his lap before stretching out his arms. "C'mere."

You used every ounce of energy you had to not run over and completely melt into his arms.

You moulded into him like a perfectly crafted puzzle piece, your legs and arms finding the most comfortable position almost instantly. Your head found its perfect spot somewhere just under the dip of his shoulder, and you couldn't help but breathe him in: smoke, beer, linen, and Dean. Your Dean.

"What were you thinkin' about?" you asked gently, wrapping one of your arms around his neck, your other hand intertwining with his. Dean was never really one to share his feelings, and though (with your help) he was starting to get better, there were times when you had to fight tooth and nail to bring down the steel walls he had put up.

According to him, it was one of your best strengths—being able to accept someone in their entirety, despite their faults, no matter how large. Your ability to empathise was beyond anything Dean could imagine. It was one of the reasons he loved and trusted you so deeply.

"Everythin'," he said with a sigh.

"Everything?" you repeated with a furrowed brow.

"Just," he began. "Everything that's happened. To Sammy. To me. To you. It's been a hell of a ride."

You nodded, trying to let your mind flick over the happier moments instead of the darker ones.

"It's been a lot," you agreed.

It was the understatement of the goddamn century.

"And I think about the people we lost," he paused, looking down at your interlaced fingers. "I think about every single one of 'em, all the goddamn time... And I wonder sometimes why I keep goin'."

You frowned, lips parted as you attempted to find some kind of response.

"But then I realised," he continued. "It's you."

You blinked. Once. Then twice. "Me?"

"After everythin', you're still here. I mean, you look at me like I'm some kinda hero or someth—"

"You are, Dean," you reassured. "I mean, you saved the entire world. More than once. You gotta stop saying you're not."

Dean sighed, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. "See? All of that, and I’ve got nothin’ to give you."

"You give me everything just by being here. By coming home every day."

"You deserve more."

You rolled your eyes, sitting up to look at him directly with a firm, but loving look. This wasn’t a new conversation; in the past, the two of you had argued over whether or not you deserved Dean, or whether you deserved a life that was a little more sane… a little more normal. A life where you could wake up every day knowing that you didn't have to look over your shoulder and defend your every move.

These arguments usually resulted in screaming matches between the two of you.

Dean raised his hand, stopping you before you even got the chance to speak. "I didn’t mean that... I’ve been thinkin’... after tomorrow, that’s it.”

“What?”

“After tomorrow’s hunt. I’m done.”

You shook your head, disbelief quickly washing across your features. “You mean—?”

“I’m done.”

It felt like the air had been completely knocked from your lungs.

Done? You didn’t think such a concept existed for Dean. He had lived one way his entire life. Hunting was all he knew, all you knew. The idea of starting anew, starting fresh, was… oddly terrifying.

“I got a job application. I’ve filled it out—gonna hand it in at the end of the week.”

You could only shake your head in utter bewilderment.

“I’m tellin’ Sam tomorrow. He’s been thinkin’ about hanging it up too... for a while, I think.”

You had officially forgotten to breathe. You sucked in a deep breath, disguising your shock by clearing your throat. With wide eyes, you looked at Dean, thousands of words on the tip of your tongue, but none of them amounted to what you truly wanted to say.

You couldn't imagine it—waking up in the morning, working a 9-to-5 job, then heading back to a two-bedroom apartment in the middle of some city, drinking coffee, and going to meetings. You couldn't imagine leaving it all behind.

But then you looked at Dean, and for the first time, you noticed a hint of something different in his eyes. A spark of something that you just couldn't put your finger on. It was a look that made your insides buzz with a mixture of excitement and anxiety.

"Okay," was all you were able to say. "One more tomorrow. Then we're done."

"Deal."

You fell back into Dean's embrace and listened to the steady thump of his heartbeat. Your brain was filing through a hundred different thoughts at a million miles an hour, but the heaviness of your eyelids began to take over.

After tomorrow, everything would be over.

But everything would begin.

+++

When Sam woke that same morning—mind you, at a way more reasonable time than 3 a.m.—he also woke to a quiet bunker. There was no quiet chatter from you and Dean in the kitchen, no breakfast being made or coffee being brewed. It was silent.

He eventually found the two of you, curled up together on one of the recliners. He couldn’t imagine the position you were in being comfortable in any way, all squished together on the tiny couch, but the peaceful looks on both your faces made him pause.

It was still early, and you hadn’t planned on leaving for another few hours anyway. So Sam left you there. He could get everything ready himself.

Besides, it was only a simple vamp hunt.

a/n: that job application will continue to haunt my dreams

[casdeans-pie]

Dean's ribs are aching.

He presses a hand against his skin, feeling the solid bones under his palm, and tries to imagine the ornate carvings running across them - remembers what the x-ray looked like. But his mind keeps getting stuck on the feeling of Cas's hand, strong and sturdy, in the center of his chest, and the pleasant burn that'd taken his breath away when he'd pressed into him.

A sensation that had been perfectly balanced on the knife-edge of pain and pleasure.

Dean lets out a shaky breath and tugs the scratchy motel sheets closer as he turns over, unable to stop being so aware of it all. A particularly loud snore from the bed next to him tells him that Sam isn't having the same problem.

It only takes another few minutes of Dean gritting his teeth and willing himself to go to sleep before he gives up with an angry sigh.

When he exits the room quietly, hoping to get some air and clear his head, he nearly walks straight into Castiel himself. "Jesus, Cas!" Dean yelps, then catches his volume, glances at the room behind him, and adds in a hissed whisper, "What are you doing here?"

Cas, for once, looks startled and a little guilty. "Hello, Dean," he says, voice rumbling quietly, "my apologies, I didn't expect anyone to leave the room until the morning."

"Yeah, that doesn't really answer my question, buddy. You were kind of loitering."

Cas shifts his weight a little in a nervous gesture that amuses Dean because it looks almost human. "I've been informed that watching over you while you sleep from your bedside is" - he squints his eyes - "creepy."

Dean can't help the huff of a laugh that escapes him. "'Cause it is."

Cas frowns. "And I can no longer sense either of you due to your sigils, so..."

(Dean presses his hand to his chest, echoes of the pleasure-pain running through his ribs.)

Cas's eyes flick down at the movement, but snap back up before Dean can put a name to the expression that passes over Cas's face. "So I have been watching over you... both of you... from outside your room instead. While I still know your current location," he adds sadly.

"Keeping tabs on us like this is still creepy Cas," Dean says, but there's no heat in it. In fact, he's surprised to realise that he really doesn't mind the idea of Cas watching over him- them.

"I can no longer sense you," Cas repeats, more upset this time.

A blue neon sign for the motel shines from above them, casting a moody blue light over Cas - catching the tips of his messy hair, and lighting up his eyes so that they're almost glowing. He's lit up in a way that reminds Dean of the Angel he really is, and it makes his ribs ache.

Dean grips the shirt over his chest in a tight fist.

Again Cas's gaze flicks down.

"What do they say?" Dean says so quietly it's nearly just a breath.

Cas must understand what Dean means, even though what he said makes no sense, because he replies, "It means you are to be kept away from all the eyes of the Angels, and none have permission to know of your location or gaze upon you." Cas reaches a hand up, suspends it in the air, and then lets it fall back to his side.

Dean feels a pulse race through his bones as he impulsively reaches for Cas's hand and places it on his chest, covering it with his own and pressing it down firmly. Warmth that feels like protection and safety rushes out from where their hands press together.

"I give you my permission," Dean says quietly, into this moment they've created, under the unnatural blue light of the motel sign, and the silent night around them.

Cas's eyes are wide and Dean feels his hand shaking. "You..." he visibly swallows and licks his lips. "You shouldn't say things like that to an Angel, Dean."

"Yeah? Well, too late. I mean it Cas. You've got my permission. And I know that means jack to symbols literally carved onto my bones, but it means you physically checking in with me if you want to know where we are - use your cellphone - and if I text you our motel room, and you're not, y’know, doing rebel Angel stuff, you can be our lookout." Dean feels silly all of a sudden and drops Cas's hand, stuffing his own into the pockets of the sweatpants he shoved on before he left the room. "And if I can't sleep, maybe we can talk outside again like tonight. Or whatever."

After a beat of pure silence the light on Cas's face from the sign seems to intensify and Dean can suddenly hear it buzzing.

The handprint on his shoulder pulses in time with the beat of his heart and the ache in his ribs.

"I would like that," Cas rumbles, a gentle smile on his lips.

Dean clears his throat and absentmindedly rubs his chest again. "Okay. Well. Good talk. I should- I should go back to bed- lots of big days coming up- world to save- goodnight, Cas." Dean doesn't want to call what he's doing running away, but he certainly does a good impression of it when he turns around and ducks back into the room.

A soft, "Goodnight, Dean," follows him inside before the door clicks shut behind him.

[kerryweaverlesbian]

Sam: hey Cass! I made you a drivers licence to go with your truck. Kind of a tradition between me and Dean that when you first drive by yourself you get one with your real name. Well, I guess two people isn't much of a tradition, but, here! I know it's a bit late but, y'know, there was a lot going on.

Cas: thank you that's very.............[squints at the details] the name is wrong.

Sam: Oh, well, you needed a surname and I thought Winchester would be-

Cas: No, that's fine. But my name is Cas.

Sam: Yeah, I put Cass.

Cas: No, it's Cas. With one S. My name is Castiel. Can you not- do you not know how to spell my name? Sam, if you need to borrow Jack's reading books, you just need to ask him, he'd be happy to help you.

Sam: Wh- dude I know how to spell! But we've been spelling your name as Cass-two-Ss this entire time. That's how you spell Cass!

Cas: We? As in, both of you? And - not Bobby surely? He knew how to spell my name?

Sam: Look, look, look I can prove it. [Pulls out his Blackberry that he's kept since 2009 and scrolls up a text chain with Dean] Look, "CASS said we're all boned." That's like two days after he met you.

Cas: I- this is...ah I understand. You faked this. You're doing a prank on me. Some sort of Gabriel-esque unreality game. I will not be fooled again, as I was when you showed me the video of "house hippos". Well played, Sam, but not well enough.

Sam: I'm not- urgh, [calling out] DEAN

Dean [yelling back from the kitchen] YEAH?

Sam: HOW DO YOU SPELL CASS? ONE S OR TWO?

Dean: HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN HIM, MAN? IT RHYMES WITH ASS. TWO.

Sam: see? And Dean gave you that name so really, he's the authority. You're Cass.

Cas:

Sam:

Cas:

Sam:

Cass, resigned: our partnership has been built on a foundation of misunderstanding and foolishness. But still we must endure. Thank you for the card. Samm.

Samm: You're welcome. Hey. Did you just feel like a, reverberation in the universe? Like something small but significant has changed?

Cass: No.

Samm: Ah, that's a relief.

Deen: HEY EVERYBODY, COME GET SOME LUNCH.

[deancasforcutie]

#yes!! #I'd say that it happens with (some of) the good guys too #where fandom tends to take what they say (sometimes during an argument!) as The Truth. As an Accurate Depiction of What Happened #and... no #villains manipulate #and heroes have their own issues with how they perceive/remember/portray feelings and events #and a lot of the fun with a show like this comes from figuring out the whys and hows #and seeing how it all results in miscommunications and fractures exploited by the villains #things like that (via @ironworked)

Soas not to hijack this lovely post about Ruby's manipulation...

This goes back to the generic-fandom tendency to see absolutist truth in the mouths of villains instead of a layer of truth or an unflattering reflection of a character's hidden anxiety.

The villains so often chisel out the most uncharitable, two-dimensional explanation of a situation, and even utilize an underlying hang-up, like Sam's issues about feeling like a poverty-stricken, podunk outsider, "a freak."

And the thing is, sometimes the villain's interpretation is just flat-out wrong!

///

Other times, it's a flattening of multiple complex, sometimes competing, truths, like how AU Michael acknowledges Dean's probably-real, underlying issues

of feeling like Sam is a burden who abandons him

that Jack is a burden he didn't ask for

that Cas is someone he owes everything to but who also hides things and makes mistakes over and over

But those are just a tiny portion of what Dean feels, and so you get this messed up, black-and-white, face-value interpretation of a situation.

Everyone has fleeting feelings of negativity. Sometimes, we even have drawn-out pity parties and languish in our worst thoughts. Sometimes, we all long for escape and easier lives, and that includes the love and work we put in to maintain our cherished relationships. We wish it could be easier, or that we could get away from it all.

But the thing is, we know Dean wasn't happier when it was just him and John, and extrapolating that, we know he was indeed grief-stricken by Jack's death and he does indeed want Castiel around just as much as he is grateful for his heroics and frustrated by their past baggage.

Real relationships have baggage. This is a theme that optimism and Amara's idealization of her nursery warn us about! We are supposed to beware of this kind of figmentary Apple White Romanticization/White Picket Fence Idealization.

Anyhoo...

///

Ruby uses insecurity to great effect. She plays Sam, disrespects Sam, and puffs up her plans as the right ones.

///

So does Zachariah, throughout his entire tenure.

We got our vintage, classist Zach, who showed Dean a world where not protecting Sam led to a devil-incarnate-Sam. And the other half of this nightmare scenario is the degradation of Cas, that staying with Cas would literally turn him into a performing!Dean 2.0 to the power of ten.

This never never happened, because it was a reflection of Dean's fear. In fact, when Cas broke bad, he broke bad in his own unique, tyrannical Chuck-adjacent way, not Dean's mode of fatalism. He never even saw it coming the way that it came!

///

We also saw Zach turn his shit on Adam, hurling classist stereotypes about his half-brothers and trying to demean them in such a way as to get Adam to lose hope in them and in their hope of rescuing him.

///

Then, we got the cruel, torturous Good Intentions AU version of Zach:

JACK: What about Sam and Dean? ZACH!CASTIEL: Well, if only they’d accepted you, instead of teaching you to fear your powers. JACK: My powers… ZACH!CASTIEL: Because they feared them. Now, if you’ll just do as I say—

We know that Sam, Dean, and Jack's powers is more complicated than simple fear, though fear is an undeniable layer of it!

///

Anyhoo. This tension.

It's why characters like AU Michael and season 15's Belphegor do what they do!

You're supposed to wonder, "Hey, wait a minute. That's not the full scope of the situation here, is it? That's not how life is. Life is waaaaay more complex. My feelings are letting me see the absolute worst of the situation!"

[gay-dinasaur]

"This tastes weird," Sam say, taking Dean aback.

He raises his eyebrows and waits for his brother to correct himself - Sam has done a lot of things in his life that pissed Dean off, but he's never acted disrespectful towards the food Dean made him, at least not since he was old enough to read and write.

"I said it tastes weird," Sam repeats, now looking just as confused as Dean is. "What I meant to say is, I don't really like it, but I'm gonna eat it anyway out of politeness," he adds, not really making things better.

Sam stares in dismay at the soup and Dean does the same. The liquid looks the same it did a few minutes ago, nothing out of the ordinary, just a plain pumpkin soup.

Perhaps too plain, for Sam's refined taste.

Normally, he would make a joke and leave it at that, but this situation is too similar to something they've been through and Dean does not like it one bit.

They both look at Jack, who has been up to this point contently eating said soup, apparently without any complaints.

It takes him a few seconds to realize what's happening, but then he's shaking his head. "It wasn't me," he says, shrugging his shoulders.

Dean really wishes he didn't believe him - that way, they could do something about it and fix it, but Jack has probably been affected by the spell as well as is telling the truth.

"Ah, great," Dean sights, "fucking great."

Sam finishes the soup quickly and excuses himself, running out of the room as fast as his giant legs carry him.

Jack tells Dean that he didn't mind the soup at all, which raises Dean's mood a bit before he starts washing the dishes. It's distracting enough that Dean doesn't notice the remaining inhabitant of the bunker walking into the room.

"Do you want help with that?" Comes the gravelly voice and Dean drops the plate he's holding.

Thankfully it doesn't break, only falling a few inches into the sink.

The water is still running as Dean stares at Cas, who tilts his head at him after a few seconds.

"Uh, sure," Dean manages after carefully thinking it through.

Last time, some people even said their truths out loud unprompted, just yelled them out for the world to hear. Dean can't let that happen here. He has to finish this as quickly as possible and then get the hell out of earshot.

Which, fuck, probably means at least a mile, since Cas is an angel who can hear lot more than he should.

Good news is, they both have an appreciation for silence. Sometimes, they don't need to talk, don't have to talk. It's incredibly rare and incredibly calming. Dean doesn't have to fill that silence, doesn't have to make sure Cas isn't angry at him. They just are. Right now, they are standing next to each other, shoulders pressed together and it's relaxing like few other things in this world.

Which is bad, Dean realizes - but only after the words leave his mouth.

"I love you."

That's it.

Three little words; three stupid little words and Dean's life as he knows it is over.

Cas stares at him, unmoving, and Dean thinks about what to say to salvage the situation before coming up with nothing.

Cas stares some more and then carefully puts down the glass he was drying.

Dean's hands are empty too and he's not sure what to do with them.

Cas doesn't seem to have the same problem - his hands grab onto Dean's, holding him in place and Dean realizes he was starting to back up out of the room.

"Dean," Cas says, like he always does. Dean doesn't think anyone else has ever pronounced his name like that.

"Look. It's just... It's... There's this spell, I didn't... I didn't mean to say that. At all, I didn't want to say that, I didn't..." Dean continues mumbling, feeling worse every second as Cas' face falls.

It's subtle, but Dean has years of experience reading his angel - Cas' mouth freezes in place and he sets his jaw and Dean knows he's going to let go of him and pull back just before he does.

Dean's hands feel cold, suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"You remember what Jack did, after we lied to him? Well, he's not the one responsible, this time, but it looks like we can't lie."

"Ah," Cas responds, turning away.

"Wait."

"What, Dean? You wish to repeat it again, you wish to make it clear that you don't love me like I love you? Because I already--"

Dean interrupts him by pressing his lips to his.

Cas sights into it and then blinks up at Dean when he pulls away. Then he lowers his eyes to Dean's lips and they both lean in again, not wanting to be separated for long.

Dean's brain is nothing but fireworks, the notion of kissing Castiel so novel and yet so right, like this is what they are supposed to be doing.

He doesn't know how long have they've been kissing, but if it's anything less than a century, it's not enough.

"Guys, get this--"

Sam shrieks after turning the corner.

Dean - very reluctantly - pulls of Cas to glare at his brother, who promptly turns around and runs out of the room for the second time this hour.

"So. I take it that you do, um, love me?" Cas says sheepishly.

"Yeah." Dean swallows.

"I do."

Suptober, Day 26 - Enchanted

[ananke-xiii]

Talking about mommy issues... I'm not a 100% fan of Jack as the destiel son BUT it's important to me that going there means acknowleding that "archetypically" speaking Dean is The Mother while Cas is The Father*. And this isn't just because, when Sam accuses Dean of acting like their father, he replies with a Freudian slip if I've ever heard one ("I'm not his mother"), it's also why Chuck's myth-retelling doesn't work (Abraham is totally Cas and he and Jack subverted that myth) 'cause first he doesn't understand Dean and second he's not an astute storyteller and doesn't realize his story was already subverting the myth he wanted to re-enact. Therefore he should've created a situation where Jack (The Son) was forced to kill Cas (The Father) if he wanted to provoke Dean, this was Jack's original sin according to Dean, come on Chuck, it's been 14 seasons, everybody already knew Dean was not gonna kill Jack. He's totally fine with caging and entrapping his putative sons but he draws a line at killing them (insert that meme from Community). (I mean, I know Chuck wants Dean to do his bidding but after 14 years he had to get a little more creative than that. Maybe he should've listened to his editor Metatron, just saying. "maybe less about detail and more about balance") ((hello Becky and Metatron parallel)).

It would have also meant that Jack's story would've gone back to its genesis + the long tail of dead parental figures (not only Kelly and Cas but Nick/Lucifer and Mary and whoever else I'm forgetting lol).

By the end of s14 there is a short-circuits of symbols so it all had to go tits up, hence the rising of the dead etc. etc.

*This doesn't mean they are the Good Mother and the Good Father as they're clearly not but these are the primordial energies that they both channel to Jack. Also, obvs patriarchy in SPN is very much alive and well as demonstrated by the fact that the Good Mother and the Good Father are only the Dead Mother and the Dead Father and unfortunately for Jack this is what he got when he was born. He's not even born and he already lives in an ideal world with ideal figures compared to whom he'll always fall short.

Also, Jack's got the power to wake up from the Empty his putative father because his Mother (Dean) is grieving his death and he wants to please him: Jack is a total mama's boy.

[shallowseeker]

Zachariah's "Mary"

DEAN: (shaky) Sammy, let’s get out of here. MARY: Don’t you walk away from me. (Dean stops) I never loved you. You were my burden. I was shackled to you. Look what it got me. (She blinks and her eyes turn yellow.)

5x16

///////////////////////////

Michael re: Dean + family

JACK: No. Dean -- he's strong. MICHAEL: He's a gnat. I'm a god. Who would you bet on? JACK: You don't know anything about Dean. MICHAEL: I'm in his head...literally. I know everything. Like, I know how sad he was when you died...on the outside. On the inside, well, it's not that he was happy -- he just didn't care. 'Cause you're not Sam. You're not Cas. You're a new burden that he was handed. You're a weak, helpless thing. You think that they care about you, love you? You're a job, a job none of them wanted. And you --

&

DEAN: Shut up! MICHAEL: You don't need them. You don't even like them. They're not your family -- they're your responsibilities. They're a weight around your neck.

14x10

BONUS:

DEAN: The hard way. Surviving a lonely childhood, a stinking war... only to get married and have his wife taken by a demon... and later killed by one himself. That man got a bum rap around every turn. ... HENRY: I'm sorry. I wish I had been there for him. ... DEAN: Your responsibility was to your family, not some glorified book club!

8x12

&

JACK: NO! Leave me. I can't stop this. I'm coming apart. I don't want to hurt you. Don't let me hurt you. DEAN: Hey, hey, hey, we're not giving up on you, okay? (to Sam) Uh... magic. Magic. One of Rowena's spells. Come on, we've got to do something!

15x18

///

Kids aint supposed to be grateful! They're supposed to eat your food and break your heart. 

[profoundbondfanfic]

Hey so i was wondering if you had any Kid!Fics that weren’t Mpreg or omega verse more like there is a child and now Dean and Cas are taking care of the child together and fall in love in the process. I love your page thank you

Hey! Glad you're enjoying our blog🩵 Here are a few we could remember:

A Fine Romance by DragonSgotenks (Explicit, 54k words)

Castiel was one of those Parents the other teachers referred to as a "hot mess" but Dean just thought he was hot, even if he did come off as kind of a dick sometimes. When an accident lands him in the ER Dean comes face to face with his biggest crush when he discovers Cas is his nurse. It seems like fate that he manages to strike up a friendship with the father of some of his favorite students. But with Castiel still bitter over the way his ex used him up and then left him with nothing but 3 young kids to raise on his own he may be guarding his heart with too much caution to let someone new in. Dean will have to find a way to thaw the ice around Cas' heart or risk letting his chance at happiness slip through his fingers.

Baby Whispering by EllenOfOz (Mature, 9k words)

When Castiel's babysitter falls through, he has no choice but to take Claire to class with him. But as it turns out, Dr. Winchester isn't so upset about a disruption to his class.

life as we know it by yolock (Explicit, 92k words)

The first time Dean and Castiel ever agree on something happens when when their shared best friend Kelly asks them to be the godparents for her baby. Being a godparent is mostly babysitting occasionally and buying gifts on birthdays, but then Kelly dies on a car accident, leaving her three year old son Jack with no one but his godparents to take care of him. Despite not liking each other at all, the two men take the responsibility left for them on paper, and find themselves on a situation neither of them had prepared for, co-parenting a three year old. As they learn to take care of a toddler together, they learn a lot about themselves and about each other. It's definitely not an easy ride, but it eventually leads to something neither of them saw coming: a family.

let's take a drive by sobsicles (Explicit, 121k words)

Dean takes a really, really long drive to kick fear in the ass. It might just be the best thing he ever decides to do. ~~~ The seat squeaks, and Dean follows the sound, his gaze trailing down. There—where Jack sat moments ago—is a much tinier version of him. He looks mostly the same, just...smaller and more dimply and cuter, if that's possible. His clothes have shrunk to fit him, so he's casually sitting in a t-shirt, jeans, and scuffed tennis shoes. He swings his feet from side-to-side over the edge of Baby's seat the same way Sam used to in the back, and he stares up at Dean with clear eyes.  "Oh," Dean blurts out, eyes bulging, "Cas is going to fucking kill me." 

Light Me Up by tricia_16 (Explicit, 195k words)

Five years after participating in a life-changing threesome with his then-girlfriend and her friend Cas, Dean's single, comfortably bisexual, and has everything he's ever wanted except for that special someone to share his life with. When tragedy strikes, he and Cas are reunited in an unexpected way, and a split-second decision entangles their lives in ways neither of them could have predicted…

Surprises by TessAlyn (Explicit, 32k words)

Castiel and Dean don't have much in common. Dean plays football; Cas watches nature films. Dean wears jeans and flannel; Cas prefers button-ups and waistcoats. Yet somehow, they become friends. And when Cas' brother suddenly leaves an unexpected surprise on their doorstep, the strength of their friendship, and what they mean to each other, is tested like never before.

Swan Upon Leda by kelsstiel (Explicit, 174k words)

Pediatric Surgery Fellow Dean Winchester meets baby Jack Kline and neuropsychologist Castiel Novak his first week on the job. Dean’s been accused a time or two of caring a little too much in the past and it’s hard not to care about the neurotic adoptive father and his medically needy preemie. After a series of run-ins between the pair, Dean and Cas develop a friendship that everyone else around them suspect more from immediately, though it takes them a little longer to get the memo. When Dean struggles with a particularly devastating patient loss, their mutual understanding of loss and love bring them closer in a way that neither of them could have expected.

The guy next door by Castielific (Explicit, 61k words)

When Dean Smith quit his job at Sandover, he had no idea what he was going to do with his life. He definitely didn't plan for his hippie neighbor and his four years old kid to make him question everything he thought he knew about himself. The neighbors to friends to lovers fic you never asked for, along with some cute baby!Jack

The Shawnee Trail by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 166k words)

In 1887, Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak lead a peaceful life in Lawrence, Kansas. Dean and Sam are stagecoach messengers for Wells, Fargo and Castiel is the town doctor. When Castiel's patient, Kelly Kline, knocks on their door one night about to give birth, she asks for the Winchesters and Castiel's help in protecting her son against one of the west's most notorious outlaws. To fulfill that promise, the men set out on a journey full of shootouts, trouble with the law, gambling, and an important discovery: Dean and Castiel really need to define the nature of their relationship.

We Are by lotrspnfangirl (Explicit, 50k words)

When Dean broke things off with Castiel, right after graduation, he hadn’t anticipated the long term effect it would have. He’d done this, he ruined things, and he deserved to be punished. Despite trying to move on, he found himself at the bottom of a bottle more often than not. When Lisa took their son, Ben, away - well, he had nothing to keep him going. Castiel packed his broken heart across the country, swept up with a woman who only loved him for what he could give and another who treated his friendship as gold. When Kelly left him, leaving him broken once more, he threw himself into raising his son, Jack, and letting him know how loved he was. When a broken teenager came into his life, he absorbed Claire into his family and took a chance, moving back home to the small town life, for a better chance for them all.

Also, the Dadstiel Bang starts posting on August 26th, so you might find more fics there. And we also have a "as parents" tag that might interest you.

[doctorprofessorsong]

OK listen.

I love the confession for the absolutely heart wrecking romantic gesture it was. The act of pure love that brought a cosmic being true happiness in a way he has never known. The way he looked at Dean Winchester, still beautiful, and told him with his dying breath "I love you." Pure true romance.

But as a casgirl (TGP Janet voice: not a girl), I also think a lot about

Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean

From a character arc perspective this makes me want to walk into the sea. It's so fucking beautiful.

Cas is talking about the transformative power of love. Metatron was right. He was in love with humanity BECAUSE he learned to love from Dean. Because he loves Dean. Even before he can put words to it. And therefore he does love the whole world.

Cas was a loyal soldier. Lobotomies acknowledged, he murdered for Heaven over and over. He killed kids.

He wasn't strolling through Hell, saw a beautiful soul, and decided to rescue it. He was on a mission and he believed it to be a righteous one. A good one. He was actively working to cause the apocalypse and thought Dean should believe it an honor to be used.

Watching him untangle that past and learn to love and more importantly to be loved is something that speaks to me.

He isn't seeking redemption. He doesn't think he's redeemable in that sense (or perhaps it's more accurate to say forgiveness is something that he can’t control. It must be given from people like Lily Sunder)

But he does believe he can change and love and build a family even though he can't undo his past.

He doesn't have to let the past define who he is, and he doesn't have to serve the purpose his family believes is set out for him.

In 15x15, Cas says:

Like he still lives with his trauma but he isn't defined by it. He rebuilt himself and found a family and has a kid. He loves and is loved.

Anyway, yes he loves Dean, but he also loves the world. He also changed. And that is just as beautiful to me.

[monstermoviedean]

the rupture is both their faults, actually, and i'm going to yell about it now

here's the thing. the breakup scene in 15x03 once again starts on cas' terms, same as the argument in 15x02. dean has just gotten done wrapping up the ghost business by checking in with stevie, then he checks in with sam and tries to console him about losing rowena. then he goes to pour himself a drink, and that's when cas shows up and starts the conversation. i can't gauge his intention here, but his actions back dean into a corner. even if dean doesn't want to have this conversation for very good reasons, cas is going to make it happen.

consider that dean doesn't know what went down in the crypt. he has absolutely no clue what happened between cas and belphegor. cas has given him almost no detail about what happened. here's what dean knows at the start of this: cas killed belphegor, and the crook was destroyed. that's it. cas reveals during this conversation that it's because belphegor was lying, using them, and planning to suck up all the souls, which is why "the plan changed."

coupla things here. one. someone lying to dean, using him, and then sucking up a bunch of souls to get power and become a new god? yeah, dean has seen that before. that is beat-for-beat what cas did in season 6. i don't think that's lost on dean. i think he's remembering right then and there how he stuck up for cas then, how he refused to believe cas could have betrayed them when everyone else had given up on cas already. and how he was wrong. not to mention what followed.

that brings us to chuck. i cannot overstate the importance of the chuck reveal as context here. dean is questioning literally everything about his life. that includes cas. chuck pulling the strings could mean chuck is pulling cas' strings too. dean is wrong about this - he's being very paranoid and it's not good for him or anyone. but it also makes sense in context because the context is horror after horror after horror.

and that brings us to mary (and jack, and ketch, and rowena). are any of these deaths cas' fault? nope! but dean can trace all these deaths back to cas breaking the trust between them by not talking about his concerns about jack. dean feels that cas has broken the trust between them, and even though it's unfair to blame cas for this whole situation, it's perfectly fair for dean to feel betrayed on some level.

snapping at cas in the moment is not kind and not fair. under (relatively) normal circumstances, dean would quickly and sincerely apologize. but right now he's at his breaking point. and i can see why he's sick of extending trust and getting burned.

now cas' response. "you used to trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt." it's true! but cas isn't recognizing that his actions affect this trust. cas is not automatically entitled to dean's trust. trust is earned, and it needs to be reciprocal. cas also needs to trust dean, and dean is wondering if cas does trust him if he didn't trust him enough to tell him about jack. we know cas trusts dean, but dean doesn't necessarily know that, especially when his faith in everything is at an all-time low. but in spite of that, cas is placing the burden here on dean, blaming dean for not granting cas his trust and the benefit of the doubt. i don't think that's especially fair either.

then he brings up his powers failing - it's an odd segue because they haven't really talked about this. this has not been made clear to dean or to the audience. then it's about dean not talking to him. can this be chalked up to lingering resentments from season 14? maybe? because if cas is talking about trying to talk to dean over and over in season 15, we only have two examples. 15x01, dean asks if cas is okay and when cas answers, dean ends the conversation. dean starts this conversation so it's not a great example of cas "trying to talk about it." and then 15x02, where cas corners dean and starts talking - just like this conversation in 15x03.

i'm not saying that if someone talks to dean when he doesn't want to have a talk, that all bets are off and dean can do whatever he wants. nope, not at all. but it's been a pattern for the last few seasons at least that dean avoids a conversation he's not able to handle -> someone else decides they need to have the conversation -> they force dean into it -> dean either walks away, beginning this cycle over, or he expresses upset, which makes him look like the bad guy.

"you don't want to hear it" may be fair. but "you don't care" is absolutely not fair. the problem is that dean cares too much and it's choking him. he's lost almost everyone. he is not able to bear it. he's retreating because he can't bear it, and then cas is accusing him of not caring at all at the first sign of dean not bending over backwards to care for cas. (as stated above, he is actively caring for sam, and everyone else he usually would care for is dead. so this is about cas)

finally, cas leaves when dean doesn't immediately apologize and talk to him and say he trusts and believes in him. cas turns and walks away. he has every right to do that, but he is an independent person with autonomy and he is making this choice. dean contributed to cas making this choice, but he's not solely responsible for it.

let's say their relationship is a bridge over a chasm. this is not a case of dean burning the bridge, though you can read it that way if you want to believe dean is at fault for everything. this is dean and cas retreating to their own sides of the chasm rather than meeting on the bridge. dean is very often the one to walk out on that bridge. this is one of the only times he doesn't, and cas takes that as a personal betrayal. but cas isn't walking out onto the bridge either.

[pollsnatural]

Eric Kripke isn't included bc he's introduced Dean, Sam and Cas, and it would be unfair to compare him to everyone else lol

[lazyjellyfishcreation]

We don't talk about Enochian enough.

To my knowledge, enochian is a holy language spoken my angels and god. This means it's probably also spoken by Lucifer, whom canonically has contact with the other demons (azazel for example). It's wouldn't be a long shot for the demons in hell, or at least for hell's royal family to speak the language too. It would be like french in medieval England. Speaking enochian would be a status symbol. A symbol of wealth, class, intellect and hierarchy. Especially since it's so notoriously hard to learn. But because the language only comes through one source and Lucifer isn't exactly giving seminars on the language, it would be safe to assume that the language starts to change and evolve, as languages often do. The language would change quite a bit over the centuries and millennia that Lucifer is down there, making it a different dialect. Devilish, or Hellish enochian.

The enochian used by angels/god would still be named just enochian, heavenly enochian, or the Lords enochian. Now here's where the Winchesters come in. Because they are the true vessels for Lucifer and Michael respectively, it is probably safe to assume they pick the language up faster then any other mortals ever could.

Still, Dean, even though he spends all his time with Cas practically in his ass, still struggles with the language. It is difficult to pronounce, remember and string together words. Not only that, but there are words and concepts in the language that there are no words for in english or any other human language.

The world and existence as a whole is so different for humans then it is for angels, it's almost impossible to completely get a grasp for the language if you only have a few decades of life in your lifespan. It would literally take you more then an average human lifespan to learn the language, in the same way it takes babies several years to learn their first language. So yeah, Dean struggles. Sam on the other hand, spend more then one human lifespan in hell, and came back speaking hellish enochian perfectly. He barely even had an accent. As a matter of fact, his english had a slightly different lisp to it that wasn't there before and Sam occasionally makes weird grammatical errors in his sentences. He doesn't consciously remember the cage, because of the barrier in his brain, but his soul remembers the language well enough. The reason Sam doesn't get triggered into a panic attack when he hears the language of his captor coming from Cas for the first time is because the accent, feel and intonation is so diffrent from the hellish enochian Lucifer talked to him in.

Jack is fluent in both hellish and heavenly enochian. Cas speaks heavenly enochian and Sam speaks devilish enochian. Dean is just confused