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irkenheretic · 4 years ago

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do u have any favorite iz writers or fanfics ?

i do!!

first fav is @reptile-ruler , their febuwhump stuff is amazing and mishaps is REALLY good, tbh mishaps has a lot of tropes i usually dont like but reptile-ruler does them so well that the stuff i dont like about those tropes isnt really.... there

(for instance i hate zim assimilating into human culture because he just kinda ignores everything about him being irken and the authors tend to treat irk as some kind of Monolithic Badplace... but in mishaps while zim has assimilated he still feels a struggle and still has irken values... the ending of the unwanted visitors (which i wont spoil) is the culmination of that and its amazing)

also the drifters au fucks hard and its one of my fav aus

very close second is @depressed-zimothy! training days is, and i am not exaggerating, exactly what ive always wanted in a fanfic. the red and zim stuff is fucking stellar and there are so many nuances about the characters if u examine the text a little more... i should leave comments on it tbh

also catalyst is amazing and u can see my two essay comments explaining why right there on the fic so i wont repeat myself here (but read the fic first obvi)

firewall is part of @reynaruina‘s ponytail dib AU and it is honestly fucking stellar. i recommend this thing to everyone i know and in my opinion it is THE computer fic. genuinely everyone should read this, even if you dont want to read the rest of the au or even zadr at all. please computer is so good in it.

in the beginning note there’s a paragraph explaining the basics of the au so you can read with no prior knowledge of PT dib but ill do you one better: the immediate context for firewall is that there was a blackout at zim’s house, and zim and dib were finally starting to get it on with each other during it. computer fixed the lights and turned them back on, and dib saw his reflection in the (off) TV. he gets upset seeing himself and leaves, so zim is angry at computer. and that’s right where firewall starts

please read firewall. im on my knees begging. computer in firewall is fucking sublime and the perfect blend of irritated and dad. literally no other computer portrayal compares. firewall was, is, and always will be The Standard.

read it.

ersatz is another amazing one, the zim angst is sublime and hes never like, a fuckin uwu sadbaby. but you still feel so, so sorry for him and what he’s going through. the author really knows how to pack a punch without exhausting the reader and as someone who specializes in angst i can respect that. (fun facts: i love this fic so much that mirforn, an irken painkiller featured in it, is in ANX as A Loving Reference that i will absolutely credit and also shill for ersatz in the author’s notes)

300 days of zim is really good if you like self-inserts! it’s gender-neutral and in second-person so its really immersive, and zim is just so good in it, he retains all his zimmy goodness but there’s a certain softness (in a way) that makes you fall in love with him

speaking of self inserts, @majentaffy‘s tallest magenta series is a fucking stellar series! red and purple are amazing and its honestly one of the most in-character portrayals of them ive ever seen! though i like both of them, im personally more a fan of the invader red series (also a self-insert series) where red takes zim’s place on earth, basically. both series are gender-neutral and in second-person just like 300 days up there

hit me is a rapr classic. thats really all i have to say about it, most of my tallest-loving friends have read it at some point. i reread it on occasion; its an elite-era fic, and a slight au in this is where they meet. its lovely

begin is a human au i personally really like because it has a lot of hyperspecific headcanons of mine in it but it could be a personal taste thing. try it out tho!

there was also this other human au where purple was a drifter and red worked at a diner and sizz-lorr was his boss. it legit felt like an original short story and this made me go out and fucking find it again. its called hand in unlovable hand give it a try

i read canvas years ago and the ending still sticks to me today. it’s a oneshot songfic where the gist is that red’s hooked on drugs. it sounds like its gonna be bad and melodramatic but i actually really like it, it surprises you. it surprised me, too. it’s first person but it really does sound like red is talking. i’m extremely picky with first person (i never read it outside of this) but canvas does it right. please, please i implore you, give canvas a chance. you won’t regret it, i promise

why didn’t we just shoot him? is an amazing exploration on the tallests’ defectiveness and that’s all im going to say on that

all 4 works by this author are part of the same series, but they’re not in a series tag. i just call the series mudroom, after the first one i read. it’s an acquired taste and PLEASE heed the warnings, but i like it so its here

and last but certainly not least, when the time comes is unique in that when the plot changes i dont groan and go “aww, but i like the old stuff!” it goes to a lot of places but personally it feels like each event is a natural consequence of the previous one. dib’s a bit of a dick in it lmfao and zim so far is going thru a trauma conga line but i respect that it doesnt pretend to be anything its not. its a porn-with-plot with angst and sometimes thats just what you fucken need sometimes

#rip my friends who do comics #i did not include them bc then the list would be way too long #but yeah if u had to choose only one to read #id say either go for training days #invader red #firewall #or canvas honestly #those r my fav favs #also why didnt we just shoot him #guuHHH I HAVE A LOT OF FAVS please read them #now calling the tallest #also sorry if the tags annoyed u guys

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andrea-lyn · 6 years ago

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Malex prompt: Liz confides in Michael about Alex's ptsd and mentions that he doesn't seem to be as fine as he's pretending to be because she knows he's trying to be the strong one for everyone else to lean on. Cue worried Michael : ). You can do what you want with this. I know it's oddly specific. You're a great writer : )

(First off, you are very, very sweet, so I hope you enjoy where I’m taking this! Goes AU after 1x08)

***

It’s hard to notice, if you’re not paying attention.

At least, that’s what Liz has said to him three times over the course of this conversation and truthfully, Michael’s kind of tired of hearing it. He can read between the lines and finding out that he’s fucked up by trying to do the right thing stabs him between the ribs like a sharp blade.

“I only noticed when we were hanging out with Maria and her mom the other week,” Liz admits, leaning against his table in the Crashdown. “He zoned out completely when a car backfired and then when the new guy burned a towel and it caught fire, he bolted for the bathroom.”

He hadn’t noticed.

Liz keeps talking, but Michael’s doing his own version of zoning out, because he’d been so busy trying to give Alex space that he’d gone all the way the other way and ignored the obvious signs in his face.

Some genius he is.

“…anyway, I figure maybe I’ll have him come over for dinner this weekend. He can lecture me some more about being a bad friend, but it’d be nice to have him come over.”

Michael has no idea what’s been happening on the human side of things, but this little talk has filled in the blanks. While he’d been working on figuring out how to stop Isobel’s blackouts, Alex has been taking it on himself to worry about Maria and Liz, trying to keep things together, and though it sounds like Liz doesn’t know what’s going on, she also mentions that he’s been hanging out with Valenti more. Then, Isobel had gone into the pod and he and Liz had started working non-stop to fight against that, all while Alex had been fighting his own battles.

He knows a thing or two about burning the candle at both ends.

After the drive-in, Michael had made it a point to give Alex space, but he didn’t think that Alex would take all that space and run himself ragged with it. This calls for an intervention.

“You know what, I haven’t seen him in ages,” Michael says, knowing that Liz doesn’t know about their history, but had seen them hanging out at the drive-in and the reunion, so she knows they’re friends. “Do you mind if I stole him for the night?”

Liz gives him a surprised look, but nods. “Sure! Do you want me to warn him that you’re going to…”

“Nah,” Michael says, not wanting Alex to be undertaking evasive maneuvers just to avoid hanging out with him. “No, I’ll swing by and grab him this weekend, try and take him away and maybe get him to relax.”

Liz packs him up lunch to go, and Michael leaves the diner kicking himself in the ass for assuming that Alex was better off if Michael fully cut him out of his life instead of being a supportive friend instead of wanting things to go right back to that epic, explosive place they’d left it in.

It’s his own fault. He doesn’t really know what it’s like to have real friends, but maybe it’s time he figured it out.

That’s how Michael finds himself at the cabin, with a piece of fabric over his fingertips. He doesn’t intend to use it without Alex’s express permission, but he kind of hopes he’s going to get it.

Alex opens the screen door, staring warily at Michael.

”You know, between Kyle trying to break into my house and now you on my porch with a blindfold, I’m starting to think home ownership is way more exciting than anyone would’ve led me to believe.” He crosses his arms over his chest, pressing his lips together. “What are you doing here, Guerin, I’m busy.”

Yeah, he bets he is.

”I heard that you had lunch with the girls, spent the day with them and Mimi DeLuca,” Michael says, absently running the blindfold back and forth over his hand. “Liz…said some things,” he says, feeling like a weird awkward tattletale. “Look, you did a great thing, being there for Maria,” is what he says, and Michael had been there too for her when she’d broken down.

Now it’s his turn to worry about Alex.

”How about you let someone else watch out for you?” Before Alex can say anything else. “I just want to give you break, Alex, nothing else.”

He knows better than to complicate things by talking about their history or, god forbid, their future. If Alex is still suffering, if he’s still having flashbacks to the war, Michael needs to avoid layering more stress on top of that.

Alex stares at him warily, but turns and locks up behind him. “So the blindfold isn’t a kinky thing?”

Michael doesn’t even take the opening for what it is. He hands it to Alex. “Once we’re in the truck, you can put it on. I figured maybe you wouldn’t mind a bit of a surprise, or you could just use it to grab a few z’s on the drive into town.”

Alex still looks wary, but he climbs into the passenger seat of the truck and after a long moment of thought, he even slides the blindfold on.

The amount of trust it`s taken for him to do that resonates with Michael, and makes him relieved that no matter what had happened between them, it`s not all ruined.

Michael’s been planning this all day. Every time he’d thought about ringing Isobel for help, he remembers where she is and it only makes him work harder on the Alex issue, because it helps to take his mind off the part where he’s failing Iz by not finding a solution.

When he pulls the truck into park, he reaches over to rest his good hand on top of Alex’s. “Hey,” he murmurs. “We’re here, you can take that off.”

Alex does, slowly, and it rumples his hair. It takes every ounce of self-restraint in Michael’s body not to reach over and fix it for him, but he manages (barely). He watches with delight as Alex registers where they are.

”Guerin,” Alex exhales, climbing out of the truck, leaving the blindfold on the seat. He’s staring up at the UFO Emporium sign, but Michael quickly leads them inside so Alex can see the rest.

He’d set this up earlier and everything is ready. There’s a guitar lying up against one of the drapes covering an exhibit, there’s a six-pack of beer, and a few blankets on the ground. Michael watches as Alex runs through shock, surprise, grief, and then lands on a sad fondness.

He knows this isn’t going to change anything, but it’s not about them.

Tonight is about Alex.

“Liz mentioned that when you and Maria were hanging out with Mimi, you seemed kind of spaced out sometimes,” Michael admits, hoisting himself to sit up on one of the empty plinths, leaning his shoulder back against a starry wall. “It got me thinking that ever since you’ve been back, it’s kind of been nonstop for you. I mean, the parade, the reunion,” he lists, “but then you were moving into a new place, trying to adjust to Liz being back in town, Valenti being back in your life…”

“How do you know all this?”

“Liz and I,” Michael says, making a face, “talk now.”

There’s plenty of time for that when you’re spending your days and nights trying to find a cure for Isobel, who’s sitting in a pod waiting for them to figure it out.

��I wish I could videotape that, make her watch you make that face,” Alex comments, with an amused smirk. He keeps walking inside, studying the place, noticing the thin layer of dust though things have started to move around in preparation for the re-opening.

“Michael…”

Michael feels his stomach twist up. Alex has never called him by his first name and while he’s always wanted it, he’s not sure what it means to hear it off his lips. “Yeah?”

“You brought me to the alien museum.”

“Yeah.”

“…are you ready to tell me?”

Michael stares at Alex and his first thought isn’t, how do you know?

No. His first thought is that it explains why Alex has been so tense, why some of that old stress has been coming back. He’s found out about aliens, all the awful things that happened in the past, and he’s been thrown back into a war zone, only it’s because instead of a government putting him in the face of danger, now it’s his friends.

Michael swallows back the lump in his throat, shaking his head. “Alex,” he chides. “I brought you here so you would stop making it all about someone else. You don’t have to spend every minute being strong for your father or your country or even me. If you want to feel like shit, I highly recommend it. It goes great with a whisky chaser. You don’t have to pretend to be okay all of the time.”

Though, Michael reflects, he can only imagine the number Jesse Manes had done on his son when it comes to perceptible weakness.

“You don’t have to be strong around me about anything. Your leg, the war, being back, finding out about me,” he says, even though that last bit scares the shit out of him. “I know you don’t want to be with me, but I’m not going anywhere. I think I proved that over the last ten years.”

Alex is staring at him and hasn’t run away, so Michael feels safe to keep going.

”When you’re ready to stop trying to fix everything else, when you’re tired of being the base of support and the voice of reason for everyone else, I’m here. However you want me, I’m here.”

He’s not expecting the hug he gets from Alex, though it quickly shifts from being an embrace into something messier. It’s Alex burying his face in Michael’s neck, tears against his skin, fingernails scratching Michael’s shirt as he struggles to hold on, all while his breathing goes messy.

It’s a man who’s falling apart because he can and he’s allowed to.

Michael strokes his back, not hushing him or telling him that it’s all going to be okay. He doesn’t like lies or secrets when he can avoid them and right now, he needs to be Alex’s rock. He needs to be able to comfort him.

So he doesn’t make empty promises. “I’ve got you,” is what he says instead. “I’m here, Alex. I’m here when you need me.”

Alex drifts back and when he breathes in, it sounds shaky, but not broken.

That’s when Michael knows he didn’t fuck up.

They spend the night sitting six feet apart, drinking beer and talking. Alex plays the guitar and Michael lets his chaotic mind drift into silence, while Alex lies sprawled on the ground and talks about what it had been like overseas, though he doesn’t talk about the day he’d lost his leg.

Michael isn’t surprised. He knows they’ve got a long way to go, in all kinds of ways. When it’s two in the morning, Alex finally struggles to his feet, gesturing down to his leg.

”I really should get back home. I might not turn into a pumpkin, but my leg definitely gets as red as a tomato if I wear this too long.”

”I’ll drive you,” Michael assures, tidying everything up and dumping it into the bed of his truck. The silence in the truck on the way back is nowhere near as tense and awkward as it had been on the way, and Michael’s smiling privately given how he feels like he finally did something right.

Alex lingers on the porch waving at him, and maybe Michael’s just buzzing from spending the night with Alex after being away for so long, but he thinks maybe they’ve turned a corner.

There’s still so much to talk about. Michael’s history, Alex’s leg, all the unspoken traumas they’re hiding under a shallow veneer, but he’s accomplished his goal tonight – make sure Alex knows he doesn’t always have to be the strong one, that someone will be there if he wants to break down.

Next Saturday, Michael is working on a few cars at the junkyard when he hears the tires of a truck pull up.

“I brought coffee,” comes Alex’s voice, sounding worn and tired. “You feel like taking a break? It’s been … it’s been a hell of a day,” he says, and Michael can’t help how happy he is to see Alex willingly coming to him instead of forcing himself to reshape his life into his father’s ideal image.

He’s always known that Alex is the strongest man he knows, that’s one of the things he loves about him. He’s also incredibly proud, now, to know that Alex feels open enough to be weak around Michael, which takes a different kind of strength that even Michael isn’t sure he possesses.

“I told you, I’m always here,” Michael says, letting the hood of the car he’s working on slam shut.

He’s ready to live up to his promises for Alex, because he’d do absolutely anything for him and he looks forward to making sure that he’s not the only one in town to support him in those moments of strain and stress.

For now, he’s more than happy being that person, because if anyone deserves to be supported the way he gives that strength to everyone else, it’s Alex Manes.

#Anonymous #malex #michael/alex #ptsd #dealing with alex as a support system #roswell new mexico #tumblr prompts #michael needs support too #and he will eventually get it #but first #alex needs to know he's allowed to break down

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