#ive spent the day in bed cuz im sick

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I just... I just love my kids so much

To be clear, these aren't kids that I birthed or adopted, they are not my legitimate children in any way, but they're still my kids

I work at a summer camp as an area director, with my best friend as my co-director. We have a staff of three: Sam, Gavin, and Aaron. I knew them when they were campers, I taught Sam and Gavin Metalworking merit badge.

I was there when Aaron was an immature 12 year old and screamed "Baby rage!" At another camper until the camper finally pushed him. I lent him my nametag for a day so that he could collect one from every staff member. He collected so many and put them all on his shirt, walking around in a suit of armor made of nametags.

I called Gavin "Northern Tier Guy" once because I hadn't quite learned his name yet and he was wearing a Northern Tier jacket, but it stuck for the rest of the week, even when I'd learned his actual name. He was the smartest one in that merit badge class, always raising his hand and knew more than me about metalworking.

Sam was the sweetest. He was the only camper to show up to ASL Night, so my co-teacher and I had a lot of fun teaching him basic signs and then looking up random ones. He still remembers the alphabet, numbers, and the word "wigwam."

But now I know them even better. Now I've gotten the chance to spend every day with them and talk with them in a more real way.

(They've also said I'm the "cool parent" between myself and my co-director, and that makes me feel pretty good. I'm the "parent" they go to to ask things like "Can we crush chalk in the vices?" (Crushing chalk in a vice is one of the most satisfying things ever, I highly recommend it.) And of course they know I'll be serious and lay down the law if I need to, because I have. But they also know that I'm the one that will let them use the microphone hooked to our sound system so that they can try to scare scouts.)

Aaron once walked two miles to our sister camp on the other side of the lake at 2am so that he could post questionable pictures of Among Us characters on their dining hall.

The other day Aaron asked if he could yell at me, and he's usually a very sweet kid so I okayed it, if only out of curiosity. He proceeded to yell "YOU'RE DOING A GREAT JOB!" I yelled back "THANK YOU! IM SO PROUD OF YOU!" And he ended our strange conversation with "THANKS, YOU TOO!"

One night I was up late in our area with Aaron and a couple other staff members when Aaron said "One of these days I'm going to snap at Gavin. I'll be respectful about it, but I'm going to." We had a discussion about it, because if there are problems between my staff members I'd obviously like to figure it out sooner rather than later. Aaron told me that their personalities just don't work together well, and Gavin hasn't done anything to warrant a huge discussion yet, but he thinks it will happen. I told him that I'd be there to mediate if it ever came to that, but since then I've seen immense growth between those two. I really respect how open Aaron was with me about that problem, and how he was ready to have a discussion with both Gavin and I instead of simply attacking Gavin.

Speaking of Gavin! Onto that young man.

My co-director was wary of him at first because Gavin isn't always easy to work with. He's driven and tries a little too hard and can come off as demanding. One day during our training week he seemed especially impatient and it was getting on everyone's nerves, so I took him aside and we had a heart-to-heart. This poor kid was just so stressed because he was feeling unprepared and was having trouble making friends. It helped my co-director and I realize that there's so much more to him than the rude facade he puts up, and I'm glad he trusted me enough to let me in so that I can be a better director and friend to him.

Since our very first conversation I saw a lot of myself in that kid, and that was only strengthened with that heart-to-heart and how much I've gotten to know him. I can tell that he trusts me quite a bit now, which makes me extremely happy. I can also see that he's a lot happier now.

You know when Gavin seems the happiest? When he's teaching Metalworking or Electronics. He took the initiative to write up a proposal for Electronics merit badge and present it to our camp director to convince him to let us add it to our list of badges we teach. He's extremely passionate about Electronics, obviously, and teaches it amazingly. I remember on either Monday or Tuesday he told me he was happy and having such a good time teaching Metalworking. The smile on his face and enthusiasm in his voice were enough to make me nearly cry.

And finally, Sam! I think he was the first one to call me the "cool parent."

He has very pretty long hair that he lets me braid whenever, and that's not super important but it does make me very happy.

The second I got his phone number, before I even really knew him, I put him in my contacts as "Sam My Child." He's just immensely son-shaped.

This son-shaped man is also a bisexual, and I learned that when a camper painted a rock with the bi pride colors and he enthusiastically whispered "Bi pride!" It made me super happy that he trusted me with that information, and I told him I'm proud of him. I tell my kids that I'm proud of then so much because they deserve it.

Sam is also the one that wanted to use our sound system microphone to try and scare campers. He's a smartass. I lost my voice the other day and couldn't speak above a normal tone, which was obvious to everyone but I wouldn't admit it and kept saying that I was fine. My best friend knows I'm stubborn, so he asked if I would dismiss everyone from lunch. That's a job that requires a loud voice. A loud voice that I didn't have. But I wouldn't admit it, so I choked out a dismissal that no one heard. Sam looked at me, with a glint of assholery in his eyes and a smile on his face, and said "What happened to 'I'm fine?'"

I was just thinking about them today and I was overcome with pure love. I love them like I would love any person that was my actual child. I just *clenches fist* love them so much. I can't even write how much I feel for these kids because words can't describe it. These words do them no justice, they're just some of the most wonderful people I've ever met. Yeah they cause me a lot of stress, yes I've considered strangling them, yes I would move heaven and earth for them.

[imaginethathaikyuu]

How did I find your blog? I was looking for soft Kuroo content on google. And your soft birthday hc’s for him came up. And that’s also how I found tumblr

What was the first story of yours that I read? That Kuroo piece ^

Roughly, how long have I been following this blog? Well I found that piece shortly after it was posted so…. Around the beginning of December 2019 I think. Got a tumblr a few months later and you were the first person I followed (had you in my bookmarks bar before that! (still have you in my bookmarks bar and when I share my screen in classes there are occasionally questions. I ignore them))

What’s something I’ve noticed about you personality wise? You’re really clever and funny. But you’re also sweet. But because you’re clever you have no hesitation in setting up and enforcing your boundaries, and I really admire that strength and confidence.

Have we ever interacted, either by PM, ask, or in the comments? What was my perception of you? YES!!! PM, SOOOOO many asks, comments, and you sent me an ask. And reblogged it. And I cried. A lot. My perception: you’re lovely and I want to h*ld your h*nd ….please.

What’s my favorite story of yours? Oh how to choose. Firstly, I’m a nb, biracial, bisexual. Honey, I’ve never made a choice in my life. But let’s try here. Anything you’ve written for Tsukki. Literally all of it is gold. Fight me. I was going to write “especially [piece title]” but I LITERALLY CANNOT CHOOSE ONE. Your Bokuto nightmare piece. Your Kuroo angsty fight. Your Tendou dealing with S/O with parents who yell piece. Your Kinktobers. Your Futakuchi and Mattsun pieces. And your Terushima pieces. Ugh. I CANNOT CHOOSE. OH AND YOUR STREAMER KENMA!!!!!! OKay just… all of it. I can’t choose. I tried, and I failed, and I’m willing to admit failure.

What’s a story I’d love to see you write? I don’t want to say this… because it hurts me… but I just KNOW you’d write brilliant angst. Some of my fav pieces of yours are pained beginnings with happy endings. That fight with Tsukki after a bad day at work. The pieces I mentioned above (nightmare pieces and fighting pieces and angsty home life ha.. ha.ha.ha.). That Oikawa one where the reader wakes up in bed without him and thinks he left. You write these gorgeous atmospheres and descriptive, visceral feelings, and if you chose to use it for evil…. You could get evil shit done. You’re SO powerful. So I want to read it… but also…. I don’t. I’d love to see you write ABO like you mentioned a while back or just see you explore a cutesy soulmate AU or something. I think you’d be really good at writing an AU where you hear what the other person’s listening too. I feel like you’d be so good at making me feel something for someone who was in another city. (think this would be cute with Tsukki cos he’s headphones boy, OR terushima because I like the dynamic of someone flirty, who clearly cares about looks, falling for someone he can’t see) ANYWAY….

Favorite pairing you write for?/fav reader insert? Tsukishima x reader. It’s my fav self-ship. (but also Mattsun, Bokuto, Oikawa, Tanaka, and Akaashi because you write them SO WELL!!!!)

Have any of your stories helped me through a hard time? Of course. Your self-harm piece came at a time I needed it. Iwaizumi’s in particular saved my life. But also your Tendou dealing with S/O parents who fight… came right when I needed it. Also starting college… was hard.. And reading and rereading your fluff really pulled me through it.

Have any of your stories hit closer to home? YES (see above).

Do I genuinely like your blog, it’s aesthetic or posts? It’s overall feel? It’s content? Yes. The aesthetic is, ngl, a wee bit basic. But I kinda love that. And the feel? It feels like home. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Your blog is my safe space. So, yes, I love. It’s content? YES. OF COURSE. Your personality probably could have kept me here even if your content was kinda shit, but I follow you RELIGIOUSLY because of your content. So yes. I adore.

Is English my first language? Kinda??? I grew up in a trilingual household so I kinda learned three languages at the same time while growing up. But no, I don’t need to translate it in my head. Because English was one of the three.

Anything I want to share? Yes. Please keep being kind to yourself, caring for your mental health, enforcing your boundaries, loving Akaashi, and just generally being you. You’re so lovely as you are, and I hope you continue grow, but never change. Also I’m sorry about all your work stuff…. It literally makes me feel sick. And I hope you find a job where that’s not tolerated, or that your work finds a better way of protecting it’s employees. I know you know this, but none of it is your fault. I just hope things improve. AND I love you… a lot. And I’m so proud of you hitting 9K and you deserve so many more followers because your pieces are just... GORGEOUS. I can’t wait until I’m at Barnes and Noble in a few years and I can pick up a hardback copy of your debut novel. I’m so excited to say “I knew Em Akaashi (which is your legal name as far as I’m concerned) before she was so popular among the masses.”

so ive been trying to figure out the correct and worthy way to reply to this ask since the moment i got it......because its so fucking sweet and kind and amazing and pure and perfect and i just dont know how to use WORDS to explain the way it makes me feel so.......i will just reply in bullet points in regards to every question u answered to make it a lil easier :D

- the fact that u found my blog on google ....... like this may be odd and a very specific thing but before i made this blog i always hoped that 1 day my fanfic would pop up in google searches bc thats ALWAYS how i found fics when i was reading them religiously and i felt so much ENVY!!!!! LIKE I WANTED TO BE THERE I WANTED MY FICS TO B POPULAR ENOUGH TO POP UP ON GOOGLE.....that may sound very selfish but its true......so thats just very cool to me... :]

- u’ve been here for so long omg 🥺🥺🥺🥺 if anyone in ur classes ever asks jus promo my blog like its nbd 

- thats so sweet what 🥺🥺🥺 i try my best to advocate for myself and be confident for myself.....ive spent far too much of my time being silently uncomfortable because i was afraid of pushing someone’s buttons seeming rude.....but NO MORE!!!! i know what upsets me, i know my triggers, i know what i dislike experiencing, and im never gonna let myself be anxious or uncomfortable for someone else’s sake, esp if theyre being rude 2 me. i would say its less strength and confidence and moreso me attempting to take control of my anxiety in the places i can (aka on the Internet) bc i am SICK OF ANXIETY ATTACKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

- BBY no dont CRY!!!! im racking my brain trying to think of who u are i wanna know so bad so i can thank u personally for being the kindest person in the world n so i can send u more asks >:(........MY HAND IS URS TO HOLD!!!!! dont tell akaashi tho 

- OMG my TSUKKI pieces.....hes so hard to write why ;-; thank u so much im so glad u enjoy my works<3333

- NOT ANGST NOT LIKE THIS!!!!!!!!! pained beginnings to happy endings are my specialty.....IMAGINE me writing a sad ending like i CANT!!!!!!!!! ive only done it a few times and it is so Difficult.....YALL ARE SO LUCKY IM NOT EVIL!!!!!! ive had this idea for an angsty akaashi fic that i think about and write in my head every night before falling asleep and it Hurts and i wanna write it but i also can’t make myself :D ABO would be very fun but i genuinely do not know how to explore the concept while making it feel like it’s Written By Me.....u know what i mean? same with soulmate aus, i really dislike writing them because theyre just boring to me like they all feel the same everything’s been done for them.....which is FINE!!! but i write enough cliche stuff as it is HAHA, a long distance type soulmate au could be fun and interesting but ldr’s trigger me bc of a past relationship so </3 but hey maybe someone else could use the idea!!!!!

- gotta love tsukishima <3

- im rlly glad my writing could be there for you friend, one of the biggest reasons i write fanfic (and write the kind of fics i write) is bc i know firsthand how much reading sweet stories abt ur comfort characters can help u through the shittiest times - i just wanna offer ppl some support and happy feelings and love cuz sometimes fanfic is the only time we can find those things (and theres nothing shameful abt that either if anyone bullies u for reading fanfic i will fight them)

- I KNOW MY LAYOUT IS LAZY AND BASIC AS FUCK AND THAT IS BECAUSE I DO NOT GIVE A SHIT LMAOOOO so im glad u think its ok...... like i dont have the patience to create a fancy ass layout that actually works are u KIDDING ME??????? I COULD LITERALLY NEVER plus i kinda like that its just the basic kinda ugly boring default layout like it makes it simple and easy and i feel like it brings focus to the only thing on this blog that i care about which is my writing, i rlly only care about the content here and not aesthetics jdbljdabsdk that blue background will be there til i Die......i adore u more btw 

- WHOA trilingual what the hell ur so cool tell me more 

- you have my word, friend, that i will continue to do all of that so long as you do the same. take care of yourself, be kind to yourself - i know u can do it, ur so kind to others and u deserve to be kind to urself, too so this is the part that genuinely brought me to tears because *sappy dumb shit ahead* ok look ever since i can remember the one and only thing ive wanted to do with my life is become an author ...... dreams of book covers with my name written on them and words in pages written by me and fanart of my characters and going into my local bookstore n seeing my book there....these thoughts all haunt my fucking brain because i want it SO BAD!!!!!!!! so bad that it makes me CRY!!!!!!!! ive never wanted something more and just!!!!!!!!!!!! idk how much u meant that part but holy fuck!!!!!! i hope so bad that one day i can send u a free copy of my book as a thank u for being the person u are. u have all my love friend, every last bit of it <333333333

[might-guys-acorn]

Do you do hc's? If you do, could you do Akatsuki relationship hc's please?

Ive never done hc's before, but Im gonna do my best :) hope they turn out okay! -🦎

P.S. this post will be super long, so my apologies in advance folks❤

===============================

Pain

Super quiet baby.

Shows his affection through actions, not words

Has difficulties showing his emotions, but genuinely tries his best.

Isnt sure how to be in a relationship, so is very awkward. Stutters a lot when talking to or about you: "Uh.... Y/N.....I think you look, uh, s-stunning today."

Blushes all the time.

You love it

So you do literally anything in your power to cause it. Brushing his hair out of his face, complimenting him in front of others, kissing him on the cheek randomly, etc.

Loves kissing in the rain. It overwhelms his senses, from the feel of the drops on his skin, to the smell of your hair, to the light shiver he can feel run down your spine after a while. He loves every second.

Will do anything for you. Legitimately ready to end the world for the one that he loves

Konan

Super sentimental type

Talks about her past a lot, and wants to hear all about yours.

Emotional connection is an absolute must, looks are always second in her book

Want you to get along with her friends, specifically Pain. You two are the most important people in her life, so its essential that you get along.

Thinks its precious that youre interested in her hobbies. Plenty of nights will be spent trying to help you learn origami, but at the end of the day, theres just a bunch of lopsided cranes and crumple flowers around the two of you asleep on the carpet.

I dont think shed be much of a cook, so meals are a must for you. She'll always compliment you on it though : "Y/N, this breakfast looks lovely. How'd I end up with a catch like you?"

She does make a mean cup of tea though

Likes to leave little notes or origami figures around for you to find when shes away :)

Deidara

Super obnoxious ngl

Likes to show you off to everybody. Like. Everyone. Other members, enemies, people on the street. You name it.

"LOOK AT MY S/O! ARENT THEY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BEING YOUVE EVER SEEN? THEY ARE ART ITSELF, I ALMOST WANT TO BLOW THEM UP, THEYRE THAT GORGEOUS."

Theres never a quiet moment with him

Especially right before bed, when he starts to babble nonsense because hes tired. You never knew a person could have so many thoughts until he never let one pass without it leaving his mouth

His babbling is pretty endearing though, because he is forever thinking about how amazing you are

But the only way to shut him up is to kiss him

Luckily, hes an incredibly good kisser

Will forever refer to you as his muse. And model many an artwork after you. Its very sweet until he makes them explode to show off the 'true beauty'

Sasori

Very detached at the beginning

Doesnt like having ties to this world

But he soon realizes there's no way to get rid of you, and he doesnt particularly want to either.

After that realization, he spends as much time with you as possible

Expect lots of cuddles, quiet nights, and endless hours of talking. About his past, his parents, his puppets. He wants you to know it all, because he feels like with all of it, he has to be unlovable

Is very shocked when you stick around and accept him, becomes very attached to you afterwards.

Doesnt do dates often, but on the occasional one, hes incredibly punctual and expects you to be

Hes very insecure about his "heart". He absolutely melts if you take time to let him know that its wonderful, just like him

Overall, hes just very relieved to have you in his life

Itachi

Truly surprised to be in a relationship at all

This isnt part of his mission

100% soft boi™️

Loves to hold your hand, kiss your knuckles, gaze into your eyes, all of it. Anything he has to do to remind himself that youre real, and that you love him.

Becomes a literal puddle when he realizes youre trying to name and differentiate all of his crows

Lets you feed them regularly and marvels at how sweet they are to you

Doesnt understand how someone so pure could be with someone like him, but wont complain simply because he hates the thought of losing this light he's found in his life.

Spends all his time making sure youre happy. Taking care of you when your sick, reading to you on long nights, cuddling you when you get sad. He just wants you to feel better

Doesnt give gifts often, so when you find your favorite one of his crows (Midnight, youd named it) sitting on the table with a red bow around his neck, you cry for hours.

He gets confused and thinks hes done something wrong, but you just kiss him and tell him that its perfect.

Kisame

Doesnt realize hes fallen for you until he sees you wading in a river late at night, singing softly to yourself

Really likes holding your hand

Has some jealousy problems, but not because he doesn't trust you. He just doesn't trust everyone else.

Lots of beach dates

Thinks it's adorable how he has to convince you to get out of the water when its gotten dark and cold

Prefers you don't give him nicknames, just really likes the way his name sounds when it comes out of your mouth

Loves that youre not scared of Samehada, and thinks its precious when you talk to it like its a pet and not a sword

Is even more smitten when Samehada coos back at you, its loyalty to you both means the world to him

Hidan

Insists on your belief in Jashin

Wants you to believe and become immortal with him

The eternal Bonnie and Clyde

Also the kinkiest of the bunch

Has zero issue talking about bedroom business in front of anybody

Likes how you blush when he brings it up in front of large groups of people

"Aw look at how red your cheeks get, thats so cute"

Does things to get on your nerves, because he loves watching you react. Seeing how flustered he can make you is a frequent game he'll play, cuz your anger is just as cute as your smile

Likes to casually hand you his scythe even though its too heavy for you to handle

Watching you try to hold it up makes him laugh, and you yelling at him for laughing only makes it worse honestly

Will try to get you to go on missions with him, simply because you two work together better than anyone else. No one knows him like you do, so sacrifices are always more fruitful with your presence.

Kakuzu

The most distant of the organization

Will be very difficult to connect with

But when he realizes that you seem to know the bingo book better than he does, will insist that you work on his team

From there, he'll see your personality and be thankful for all the hearts he has, because there can be an extra to give to you.

Your smile makes his day, and seeing the way you squeal when the pay comes in for a takedown melts every heart he's got

Thankful that youre just as much of a tightwad as he is, it means you make a very cheap date

Appreciates your intellect, and is happy to have a partner that is as smart as they are attractive, unlike his past partner Hidan.

Silences are an essential part of the relationship, but niether of you mind. Your presence is all he needs to feel at ease, rather than filling the air with meaningless small talk

Tobi

Never fails to laugh at your jokes

Enjoys making you laugh, even if it means making himself look like an idiot

Definition of silly romantic

Will spend lots of time telling you that youre special to him, even if its in a way that doesnt make sense

"I dont need gravity when Im with you, Im always on cloud 9"

Likes to mess with you when you try to touch him by tranferring his body to other dimensions

"Youll have to try harder if you really want to hold my hand, Y/N"

When he does get serious, though, he'll pull you to his other dimension to talk. Its quieter and theres no risk of interruptions

Likes to hug you from behind, and always has a dumb joke on hand if he ever sees you crying

[chaoticslinkys]

First Rain

I made this a while ago and I keep forgetting to post it essentially its just when the slinkies first experience with rain, its kinda long so I put it under a read more.

Somehow you wake up well before your two bedmates, which is definitely rare on your days off but their probably still tuckered out from your guys outing at funland yesterday. Somehow they managed not to destroy anything, but that might’ve because you told them no kisses if they break something this time. You decide to get a start to the day seeing that it’s 9 but also mainly because your hungry, but to do that you have to get out of their grip first. Ever since Spinel and Spince started sleeping with you, you realized that they have a habit of wrapping you up in their limbs with you sandwiched between them. You didn’t mind one bit, in fact ever since they’ve started doing that your sleep has been amazing, only issue you have with it is when you have to get up. When you finally manage to get up and out of bed as your stretching you notice that they immediately snuggle into each other bringing a smile to your face, you decide to take a picture on your phone to save the moment ( and to tease em later but they don’t need to know that). 

On your way to the kitchen you look outside and notice the dark grey sky and realize it's going to rain at some point in the day, declaring today an inside cuddle day you move to get some breakfast started for the three of you. As your finishing up you feel a pair of arms wrap around your middle and a body and gem press into you from behind

“Morning”  Spince whispers into your ear with his accent heavy from having just woken up

“Morning sleepy head, she still sleeping” You ask him

“Nah she’s up, should be out in a bit though” he replies before yawning

“Good, now set up the table for me will you” giving him a peck on the cheek before moving back to get everything off the stove 

“Sure thing sweets” he replies before giving you a peck back and moving to set the table, right as he lets go of you Spinel walks in yawning before moving to hug you from behind just like Spince was not long again and nuzzling into your neck

“Good morning to you too sleepy head” you tell her while turning in her arms to hug her back

“Morning” you feel her mumble into your neck 

“Alright sleepy head I made pancakes and I wanna cuddle today so let me go so we can eat” you tell her, she immediately perks up because she fuckin loves cuddles and pancakes 

“Yeah Spins stop hogging y/n” Spince calls out from his place at the table 

“Shush let me love em” She hisses while tightening her arms around you making him laugh 

“Alright you two no fighting I’m hungry and I wanna cuddle and if you two start fighting I’m leaving this house to go find someone else to cuddle with” your warning shuts them both up immediately making you snicker. You give Spinel a peck on the cheek as you drag her to the table to sit.

 After breakfast they help you wash the dishes before you drag them to the couch proclaiming “Since today is so cloudy im making today a movie and cuddle day since this weather makes me sluggish” you say as you push em down on the couch before running off to gather blankets and snacks

“Doll are ya actually making today a cuddle day or are ya just messing with us” Spinel questions when your halfway to the bedroom 

“Yup, weathers gloomy so I wanna cuddle with you two all day while watching movies” You call back “Alright sweets, I am loving today already” You hear Spince cheer once you make it back to your shared room making you snicker, you gather up the blankets from bed before making your way back to the living room. You dump the blankets on top of them earning you a grunt from Spince and a yelp from Spinel before moving again to get snacks from the kitchen, no sweets though because your trying to keep them in one spot today. 

By the time you make it back to the living room they’ve both already covered themselves in blankets while leaving a space for you between them as well as set up the TV to watch movies. You set the snacks on the table in front of the couch before squirming your way under the blankets and snuggling up between them. “Alright what are you two in the mood to watch” you ask them as you grab the remote from Spince’s lap.

“Can we watch some animated movies I really liked those” Spinel perks up “Yeah! I love those they always have pretty colors” Spince adds on

“Alright animated it is then” you say as you snuggle in between them while scrolling through your playlist. 

Halfway into the fourth movie your falling asleep with your head on Spinels lap and your feet on Spince’s lap. You honestly didn’t want to fall asleep but with Spinel running her hands through your hair and surrounded by their warmth it's impossible to not fall asleep. 

Although not long after you fall asleep you wake up to Spinel shaking your shoulder and whispering nervously

“Doll wake up somethings wrong” she tells you while looking around

“What, whats wrong” you ask her as you sit up and rub your eyes

“Cant you hear it its so loud” Spince whispers from his crouched position next to the couch. As you start listening closely you realize that its raining, and its raining hard. Instead of answering them you decide to have a little fun with them and stand up from the couch. As your making your way to the door you can hear Spinel whisper shouting to you. “Y/n, where the fuck are you going, don’t go to the door we don’t know whats out there” As you reach out to open the door you hear both Spince and Spinel shout out your name. You decide this is to much fun and continue to just pull the door open and step out onto the porch. As your walking out you hear both of them running towards you to pull you back in. When you hear them reach the door you turn around and meet their panicked faces with a grin.

“DOLL/SWEETS WHAT THE FUCK” They both yell out at the same time while pulling you into their arms. At that point your just laughing so hard your wheezing while their giving you the most concerned yet confused look.

“Uhh y/n why are you laughing after running towards you know, danger” Spince questions you as both him and Spinel tighten their hold on you

“Because were not in danger, look” You say as you turn to look out towards the front porch

“Um y/n why is water falling from the sky” Spinel asks you while turning to face outwards as well “Its called rain and it happens when the clouds carry to much water and they need to drop some of it” you explain to them

“Sooo, were not being attacked then” Spince whispers into your ear making you giggle

“No, slinky we aren’t being attacked its just raining really hard” you respond while getting out of their arms. You start walking towards the edge of the porch and they start freaking out when you move to step into the rain

“Alright alright relax you two look its not gonna hurt me its just water see” you tell them while sticking your hand out into the rain “see perfectly fine” you turn to look at them and realize their both still tense and nervous. You think for a moment and come up with an idea that might make em both relax. “Alright slinkies give me your hands” You tell them while reaching out for them “What, Why?” they both question at the same time making you snicker “Just trust me alright this is gonna get you to both relax and i have a feeling your both gonna like it” you tell them while reaching to grab their hands. Once you start pulling them out into rain they seem nervous but when the first drops fall on them they start to relax and just get this look of pure amazement on their faces that just fill your chest with warmth and brings a soft smile to your face. Although its raining so hard your soaked in seconds, but you really don't care considering you love the rain and your too preoccupied looking at your slinkies being amazed by rain. You decide to get them a little more into the rain by running towards them and jumping in a puddle near them making them jump from surprise “Sweets what the hell” Spince asks while he and Spinel shake out some of the water from their loose hair

“Yeah doll what was that for” Spinel asks as well “Well ya see the point i brought you out here for was so you can see just how much fun you can have in the rain, and one of the things you can do is jump in puddles” you tell them while you stomp in the puddle your in “another is just a more intense way of playing tag” as you say that you stare at them before jumping at Spince and yelling out “TAG YOUR IT” before booking it “HEY I WASN’T READY Y/N” He yells out before chasing after you while spinel is just laughing but not before Spince turns around and tags her while she’s distracted 

“HEY” She yells out before running after the two of you. The game goes on for about 20 minutes until they both decide to team up to catch you. They end up cornering you and as you try to get away they wrap their arms around you and smoosh you between them, Spinel behind you and Spince in the front

“Tag, we win” they whisper into your ear making you shiver in response “Hmm i guess you two did” You hum back. You would move to go back inside the house but honestly you feel too comfortable and safe just being hugged between the two of them, especially considering since they started humming and swaying. As this goes on you lay your head against Spinces, chest right above his gem, and he rests his head on top of yours while Spinel rest hers on your shoulder. Your starting to get really sleepy when you sneeze, scaring the shit out of both of em. “DOLL YOUR GONNA GET SICK CUZ YOUR COLD” Spinel yells out after recovering from her scare “OH FUCK YOUR RIGHT LETS GET HER INSIDE” Spince yells out while picking you up and running towards the house.

“Ill be fine you two ive spent time out in the rain before” you tell them while laughing from how much they over react. Although you think its sweet how concerned they are for you.. “Yeah right doll, we aint risking ya getting sick” Spinels snorts out as she closes the door behind her. 

“Pft i dont get sick that easily” you huff out as Spince drys out your hair with a towel and Spinel is going through your drawers for some dry clothes “And plus we gotta get ya warmed up Sweets we really don't want you getting sick we heard that its not a nice feeling when humans get sick” Spince tells you.

“Fine, fine, but i want cuddles to get warmed up then” you give in “We can do that doll” Spinel tell you as she hands you dry clothes. After your changed you hop into bed and they follow right after you taking their place on either side of you before wrapping you up in their arms

“Good night slinkies i love you” you whisper after you get comfortable between them

“Good night love ya too y/n” you hear them whisper back as your falling asleep making you hum. Although, needless to say you ended up getting sick the next morning and lets just say they said “i told you so”.

[pin-upmamacassie]

OK so since Ive spent a lot of time in bed the past 2 days being sick I've had a lot of time to finally officially figure out Christmas gifts lol

So instead of a ton of toys, I found something on Pinterest for gifting for Xmas. Its basically making it easier and cheaper. And with 3 kids, we could surely use easy & cheap lol anyway, it goes: something they want, something they need, something to wear, something to read, something to do, something for "me", something for family.

Now, im not following exactly because their something they need is their something to wear. And I already bought them each a movie soo I switched it to something to watch lol

Anyway so this is what I'm planning...

Something they want (big ticket item): sophia and Gavin will both get scooters. Landon is getting a toddler size basketball hoop..which really will be for all the kids cuz they'll all play with it lol

Something they need: all 3 will have a new outfit & shoes

Something to wear: again, Im switching this one to something to watch this year as they will all get a movie..im planning to add this to their stockings.

Something to read: we're doing 12 books of Xmas and will add a small book to their stockings.

Something to do: I'm planning to do $10 gift cards to a place here called Pinocchio's. It's kinda like Chuck e cheese but has Lazer tag, rock wall climbing, bumper cars, roller ball..which is basically bowling just miniature so that smaller kids have an easier time playing it, and "build a buddy" which is basically build a bear lol with their gift cards they can get the kid special which is a single serve pizza, a drink, and a $5 card for Arcade games (about 20 credits) and they have a $25 special that gets you 1 small pizza, 2 drinks, 40 credits or can choose 2 attractions. You can also add 3 more attractions for like $10 more. So that'll be for the grown ups lol but we'll probably get the credits to split between kids and then add the attractions so we can do that with the kids too.

Something for "me": basically is supposed to be a keepsake type thing... I'm skipping this one cuz I make enough of these with the kids every year lol

Something for family: sophia and Gavin are both getting board games so that'll be the something for family.

Sophia and Landon are getting something extra. Hubbs got Gavin an early Xmas present while it was on sale..an age appropriate game downloaded to the ps4 for him to play. So sophia is getting a small slide that can be for both inside & outside and folds up to store easily. She's been asking for one for forever! And I found one for $20 so she's finally gonna get one lol and let's be honest, Landon's gonna be playing on it too so it's not just for her. Landon will be getting a small sofa that folds out into a bed. We had a kid size recliner for the kids reading corner but Landon would climb in it and jump on it so we got rid of it. So basically replacing it with the small sofa lol but it's not just for him since it'll be in their reading corner.

For hubbs, I plan to get a gift card to go on a dinner date and book reservations at the escape room. You pay in advance when you book so I'll just have to print out the certificate and can add that to his stocking along with whatever restaurant I get a gift card from. So we can finally have a date night along with a family night! I am going a little bit out of budget but it's not an insane amount like it has been in previous years. Like maybe $40 out of budget. Where as before we were going like $200 out of budget 😬 hubbs is giving me full control tho so I think that's also another reason I've stayed so close to the budget lol he likes to impulse buy during Xmas and it gets expensive real quick!

But I'll show him ideas I have for the kids gifts just to get some input but he'll tell me "it's up to you" lol so he knows most of what I have planned (as far as toys go anyway) but I'm glad I can keep some of it a surprise.

Oh and I also plan to make each kid a sweater. If I have enough time after the sweaters I'll make them each a pair of slippers and a hat.

*Forgot to add... They each have a toy for playing with outside as well but can be shared with everyone. So with all that they'll definitely have plenty and we won't completely break the bank in the process!

[bibbleboo]

not to alarm anyone im prob fine cuz lbr if im still here by now im prob never gonna do it but ohhh4hjh5j4hj54 the s/ui thoughts lately lads. the ‘literally no aspect of existing in any way in this universe feels worth it even a little bit’ thoughts. ive been in this depression for like prob over a year now btw its just coming in big up and down waves and lately its been . real bad. mostly bc i didnt wanna bring it up bc its one of those 'i have no way out of this situation so whining abt its gonna make me feel guilty and hopeless and wont improve my state of mind in the slightest so why bother' but. might as well idk

i take care of my sisters kids like a literal fuckin cinderella from the minute i wake up (8 ish) till 2 am. this was not our plan. when i moved in i was supposed to pay for my share of bills and my own food and work on learning adult shit and how to take care of myself. instead im doing genuinely 50% or . frnakly M O R E of the hands on caretaker work. often by myself while she smokes weed and hangs out. im not joking when i say i have almost no free time. the free time i get is too unpredictable to make productive. its nearly 6 am rn as i type this. i get 3-5 hours of sleep a night, bc she wakes me up early, and goes to bed late, and if i have anything i need to do, i have to stay up a few hours later than her. she wittled my boundaries into this like everybody in my life always does when they need shit from me. and this means i cant take care of myself bc im disabled and like. im not allowed to be. nobody can do it anymore ig so im tryna figure out how or if i can take care of myself but. i have been begging to be given even just the opportunity for independence for Y E AR S but im constantly roped into filling other family members needs instead. so i quite fucking literally do not have MOMENTS of time to work on this. im stagnated, i was never given the chance to take care of myself bc i was stuck in this, so. she still has to do (most of) shit stuff like drive me around and cook dinner and clean and call my drs and get groceries and bro like i KNOW thats hard. but ive expressed before, 'either u take care of ur own kids and i fill my responsibilities so we’re both just taking care of our own shit we should already take care of, or it stays the same swinging pendulum bc i literally dont have the capacity to balance this'. 

ive been running on fucking empty for years dude. i didnt know it was POSSIBLE to feel This exhausted and hollowed and drained. its pure misery. i feel like my spirit is being siphoned. i feel like nothing anymore. im running on fumes and have been for years ive BEGGED all of my family all thsi time please fucking let me catch my breath i literally truly cannot do this. and im told im in debt and have to for having needs. im always gonna be in debt. im not allowed to ask for more than i can give back so if i cant manage that too bad so sad. so im. literally stuck in this hopeless fucking cycle of being needy and burning ymself out from guilt. 

and we’ve talked abt it before like im already bitter abt this shit right and she KNOWS its killing me. but. the other day . i got so sick from bronchitis i had to go to the er and spent days doing almost nothing but sleeping and coughing right. i was so fucking sick i felt like i could pass out and i couldnt breathe. i was no exaggeration sickest id been since i had swine flu. and she . told me i had to watch her kids so she could go pick up my antibiotic. which i understand but she got mad when at first i said i didnt know if i could. and i cant. help that. but the next morning i had the strength . so i sat there with the kids barely holding on while she got them. she came back. i went to go back to bed. she literally tried to force her kid into my hands dude. i put my foot down bc she outright only asked for me to do that until she got back and also why would she expect. a sick person whos Medicine shes going to pick up would be in the state to take care of her children immediately after. i legit couldnt do that. and then she threw the biggest text tantrum at me over it. saying 'adults still have to do things when theyre sick' and how i dont do enough and she said it was like having a third child and it. ngl kinda broke me a little like lmao ! girl ive been SLAVING FOR YOUUU PPL THAT I TELL ABT THIS SITUATION THINK UR A FUCKING >>>JOKE<<<< THE WAY U GOT ME PICKING UP UR SLACK and ur telling me im over here literally more worn out and broken than i thought was possible for a human being and its. nowhere near enough for you. like i thought this was unbalanced but in a different way YOU actually think it skews to YOUR side..... bro is it ever gonna be enough then lmao?? am i ever gonna be allowed to live debt free???

its just. to realize im over here grinding myself into dust when truly nobody is going to care. theres never gonna be a moment where they sit back and realize what ive sacrificed, literally all the health i have in me short of dying, all the spirit i have, im utterly broken inside and out just so i didnt have to see them suffer. and they got what they wanted so they hardly care. i mean shes so used to this, she felt ENTITLED to my help with it. she literally just automatically views these kids as partly my responsibility...... i cried all fucking day abt that dude. im trying so hard to live a happy life where i take care of myself, am not a burden, and not a slave either. why. is this my life. literally what did i do WRONG. to be constantly treated this way over and over and over again. why am i so irresistible to take advantage of why am i in this cycle how do i get out of it why is every choice too hard will i literally Ever find happiness in this like. doom! dread! i exist to be used abused and losed ! one day ill be homeless and wont know how to cope bc i was too busy fixing everybody else and i wont know how to maintain myself bc i wasnt allowed to learn !! life is a prison a nd idk how to do it anymore!! oh and ofc not to mention, i literally love these kids more than anything else and despite the suffering theyre fullstop the only thing keeping me alive, and i think that Would be the thing to legit make me k/ms if i couldnt see them ever again no way around it id never get through that so. that also has me stuck. lmfao. tldr; life sucks. pain. misery even

[obsidiansashimi]

✪ one muse (Sam) puts their head on the other’s (Seb's) shoulder.

meme | acceptingi like to call this four times sam needed a shoulder and one time seb did cuz im extra and love them

     [ i. ] -- It’s the first time they’ve taken a proper day off in a while, using the sick excuse. (”And, really, I am sick of work,” Sebastian had said as he had pulled Sam back to bed that morning, all sluggish limbs and bleary eyes. “It’s not a lie.”) Honestly, he’s shocked they didn’t do this sooner, because wandering around in their sleep clothes and curling up with lazy kisses seems to be just the thing for Sebastian to feel bursting with butterflies all over again.

     And when Sam leans his head on his shoulder once again, hair un-styled and soft from the shower earlier this morning, all Sebastian can do is press his lips to his hair, whispering various affections, I love you being the favorite.

     [ ii. ] -- It’s late, but Sebastian can’t sleep. And, well, whenever Sam’s aware of it, he’s willing to stay up and keep him company, even if they don’t talk in the small hours of the night. Sometimes, he tries to tempt Seb back to sleep with a warm hug and nuzzles, but tonight, that won’t fly. So, it’s a movie night with pillows piled up against the headboard.

     Sam’s head falls to his shoulder, a murmur about how sleepy he is barely reaching Sebastian’s ears above the sound of a mindless action movie. “I know,” Seb responds. “Sorry.”

     He gets a groan in reply, a finger pressed to his lips, and he gets the message: an apology is unnecessary.

     [ iii. ] -- Sam keeps coming home from work looking exhausted, like the world has fallen on his shoulders that aren’t broad enough to carry such a weight (though they are broad, trust Seb on this one). With the new shop, the jobs, the plans for the wedding, he’s got a lot on his plate, and Sebastian can appreciate that.

     So whenever Sam comes in, worn and weary, and plops his head on Seb’s shoulder, he’s more than happy to wrap his arms around him and hold him together.

     [ iv. ] -- But sometimes, Sam comes home more than just exhausted. Sebastian can practically feel it in the air, permeating the space of their home. 

     He asks what’s wrong, and gets waved off once or twice, but Sebastian has become persistent in the time they’ve spent together, and he’s more than patient enough to wait for Sam to give him a proper answer. Even if he knows what it is. It’s always the same culprit: Sam’s head is at it again, keeping him from focusing on the world around him, keeping his mind stuck on other things.

     Sam comes to his back when he’s washing dishes, thunks his head against the back of his shoulder. “Am I broken?” he asks, in that small voice that makes Sebastian want to part the seas to get him to a happier place.

     He’s quick to turn after swiping at his arms with a towel, hugging him even though he’s still a little damp. “No,” he says. “You just need something to keep things running smoothly, like I do.” Though that might not be the best comfort.

     [ v. ] -- And later that night, when Sam’s feeling more content and starts to nod off, Sebastian butts his head against his shoulder from where they lay. He doesn’t voice his concerns-- if you’re broken, what am I? Instead, he remains still as Sam wraps him up, pressing his nose into his hair, and he knows they’re okay.

     Just a little sick.

[nottheoccult]

oblivion access: except it’s poetry

Social self-obsessive species, everything is peachy

Having cyber interactions, get erections from the TV Vocal bout opinions bout elections up in DC With a total lack of knowledge, rope around your neck was easy Chemical complaint, deformity machine Skin eraser, loss creator, poison that you breathe Traitor, parasite, xenophilic golden boy Seen him with a soy product, wrote the Village Voice about it Tell me conclusions to stories I don't have time for Situations with the information missing, misinformed We've seen the same rain through separate systems, different storms We're stacking bodies up in boxes in a distant war I eat my vegetables, I like the broccoli What is more fictitious, the gods or you and I? You needs a court's admission, you think the cops comply? I don't acknowledge systems, I never found it wise I wasn't born to just support the shit that's palpable I don't see Earth as disproportionally valuable If there's a god, I'm sure his name is unpronounceable If there's a hell, I'm sure we'll all be held accountable I drew a portrait of Abraxis on a napkin Sex has never given me an ounce of satisfaction Life throws a lot of questions but I never ask them Facts are human arrogance, we barely know a fraction I don't know anything (This is the way the world ends)

From the inside of my corpse, 30 seconds is like a century Imprisoned in necrotic flesh Cognizant beyond my death Paralyzed and frozen in this carnal penitentiary Lucidly projecting hellish spectres Ghoulish architecture, enveloped In a darkness far beyond my mind can measure Suffocating violent pressure It just goes on forever, are these electro- Magnetic hallucinations? Is this everybody's afterlife or something I've created? Abandoned and dismissed in a flaccid Impotence with the cold illumination that I no longer exist In a grave within a grave It was the first time I prayed, no one There to tell me that I shouldn't be afraid Falling endlessly deeper, yet immobile and still In this infinite aethyr washing over My filth, neither angels or reapers or ghosts were fulfilled Just a cavity to soak up my guilt In my depravity, the flowers Up above me wilting down so they can laugh at me To think we spend our lives Convinced we understand agony, a familiar Voice: "He's finally at peace" Shrieking through the silence to remind me I'm deceased I tried to answer but the dead can't Speak, the biggest prison in the world's underground six feet

I got soaked through the rainiest days They made me this way Should have left the street but it paid me to stay The path that I walked on was paving my pain So I strayed and laid bricks for the opposite lane If you ain't rich you don't play about that gwop I view the city like a section of a swamp A lot of shit grows but nothing that you want A lot of shit gross and that's just being blunt Bitches acting foul and bitches wanna stunt But nothing ever change until you willing to confront Crooked cop, crooked cop, yeah, I see him too Erry' person has autonomy, we ain't got a clue I know it sound hazy when I twist that J That Richtown way, these dummies catch a 6 round fade And yeah I know them hunnies got them big round things But really don't give a fuck about that blasé blasé I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head I play the resurrector like the Tribe cassette Cuz your third eye is just a fucking hole in your head Gallon after gallon, brain's wet Seeing dead shit, morning never happened I'm still somewhere in my head space Walked for blocks, never figured out my destination 40 Glock pops, talk a cop into resignation I'm a mental patient, safety's not a strong suit Wrongdoer, safety off, one chambered, I'm dog puke Tell them shoot or just get off me, sociopathy probably Shit that bothers y'all probably never bothers me Told you not to follow me, newspaper's a shit show "Idiot with a slit throat stuffs coke in his pisshole Kills family with missiles" "Politician fucks bitches with issues" Everything I read is just a sick joke It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money It never really registered as funny Rather figure out the time they fill the registers with money

I'm blowing on a backwood stuffed with psychiatrics Coughing with a hack like a playa out of practice 20 in my nose whatever get it done the fastest Eyes closed praying for apocalypse disasters No gods no masters no befores no afters Ugly mane will make you disappear just like a rapture Dodging destiny still the coffin like a bed to me The voices spoke incessantly My pride is what they fed to me Tried to read the messages but words was wrote illegibly Hennessy suppressing all my memories Mirror showed me glimpses of the enemies possessing me Toxic thought telepathy Living legacy Rocking weapons like accessories, dying for supremacy Really we're as significant as centipedes Crawl around the earth with no identities You're not special, don't pretend to be Your tendencies are so predictable it's difficult to remedy I could read a billion books still not know what pill I took I could have a million guns still walk with Achilles foot

HE USED TO LAUGH THE LOUDEST/NOW IT NEVER SHOWS HE TRIED TO BE THE TALLEST/BUT HE NEVER GROWS HE WATCHED HIS BROTHER DIE AND NEVER TOLD LOOKED AROUND AND KNEW HE HAD TO GO HE KNEW HIS FATHER HAD A BETTER DREAM BUT YOU CAN’T LEARN FROM WHAT YOU NEVER SEEN HE TRIED TO MINGLE WITH THESE JEALOUS THIEVES WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN INTERACT WITH A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GET ABUSED BY A MACHINE WATCH A HUMAN GETTING USED BY A MACHINE NOW HE’S USELESS AND HE’S STUPID AND OBSCENE HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER LEAVES HE COMES AND HE GOES BUT HE NEVER LEAVES HE NEVER BREATHES HE NEVER BREATHES HE INHALES AND HE EXHALES BUT HE NEVER BREATHES

I fell apart and took my mind with me. i have been barely sustaining My pain just marinating. i fell apart and took my mind with me. just a Ghost cloaked in lies with a broken spine. i fell apart and took my mind With me. just an unrecognizable creature caught under an avalanche I fell apart and took my mind with me. my presence unnerving. im a Shadow always lurking. surrounded by death. even the towel rack Reminds me of the handles pallbearers grip tightly on the way out of Church. what they use to lift you up into the back of that hearse. i see A woman tighten grip on her purse. can’t be offended. she doesnt Know my intentions. she imagines the worse. around here. the Conditions severe. around here. you tightrope between detachment And fear. between the shattered fragments of existence that collapse And appear. never changes. just exacerbates depression deeper year And year. pain weaving in. pain weaving out. heartworms. sharpturns Sparsewords. scarsburns. i spent a long time dying. dont wake me up Yet. public executions. you’ll never see me upset. forcefed myself with Blow but now i settle for sedatives. no longer in the street. i belong in The crevices. positively negative. popular ive never been. hard to be a Person when you lack the mental requistes. emotionally deficit Consumed with all the wretchedness. not optimist or pessimist. my Politics are in exodus. spouting countless fountains out while drowning In the brine. my lifes the foulest algorithm science can't define. they Trap you in these systems that are phallic in design. because they fuck You in the mind. boy. they fuck you all the time. i fell apart and took My mind with me. being strung up at the ligaments with cultural Derivatives. i fell apart and took my mind with me. pronounced dead By a nemesis. a doubt without a benefit. i fell apart and took my mind with Me. just a cluster of atoms thrust deep in a chasm. i feel apart and now Your mind is with me. smoke in your eyes. the worlds a joke in disguise

Funny how the hours stretch and melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Everything is very temporary except decisions Just a navigation of this future I envisioned Humoring these people that too stupid to be living An arbitrary figment A movement that I never was Obvious when people seem different than the rest of us Or think less of us Only hoes I care about Pumping in the pipe fumes Car running, windows up Hoping I'll die soon Night time Eyes dilate bigger than bike tubes That's the reason that I stay up past the sunset "I liked your record! Where's the new one? Is it done yet?" Problems that I run from impossible to sublet You don’t want them either There's a fever in the subtext Boiled all the mercury I questioned what it's worth to me Hard liquor fire breath Slurred dialect In the mist like Bix Beiderbecke With overdose side effects Probably take a Prilosec and try to get some rest Cut the Midas fingers off and never sign a check "What about your future?" I-D-G-A-F World so cold I can see they breath Feeling like distance is a bitch to express Pissing upstream when your dick is erect Or when you're picking up steam and get a fist in the chest

I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place I'm dead meat, I'm dead weight Dragging my body, holding my chin straight Probably never make it home again at this pace Waking the Devil up cause I've been staying at his place

Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory Funny how the hours stretch, melt away my empathy Persistence of a memory

Back when I was 15 it seemed Ugly was untouchable What, they gonna throw me in the juvy for a month or two? Try me, I still ain't doin' nothing that you want me to Cuttin' and disrupting every classroom discussion Cussin' out my mom, puffin' blunts, gettin' dusted Overwhelmed with distrust in everything that I wasn't Things I know now (I guess I felt 'em back then): Power and control reflect fear among men The shit that they condemn you can see amongst them So I never ever ever want to be amongst them See a landscape littered with the blisters of potential People letting ghosts govern most of they mental The opposite adults your folks hope you'd resemble Doomed from the get like a goat in the temple Hard to not dwell among fear Knowing that the court treat crime so severe But I'm blowin' smoke out the window being so cavalier Sh-shakin' up the bottle when I open the beer Only obligation is to prosper in my operations Money motivations stay gaudy ostentatious Ain't even a challenge cuz the rap game basic I ain't heard talent since ["Incarcerated Scarfaces" Sample] Face it, it's fact not assumption Rap sound like shit like "ship" with the fronts in Hate getting lumped in, giant next to munchkins Catch me on the other side wildin' in the dungeon

You got sativa, ignite it World stiff as arthritis Dreaming about a crisis, all I fucking hear is sirens Climates turn to ice and your life turn to lifeless Sitting on my throne, I'm alone in the silence First hit the wax then you exhale the vapor Economies collapse and your stack just some paper Running round a maze while they laugh in your faces Rather burn down the city get me fucking 50 acres Slugs are just snails without shells The perception: evolution fucked them over and failed But they survive without protection in this jungle they dwell With giants throwing salt on all their people Can't consider them frail Spit vinegar in sour times Live under the power lines I'm just a bag of tumors full of alkaline All you do is carve them out and sew up any abscess Go about your business, keep your distance from the dragnets Backseat driving, passenger traveling Bumming a ride in my own brain Pointless meandering, using the vanity mirror to break up the cocaine Loitering, lost in a memory somewhere between a first kiss and a dope vein Nursing myself as an infant and in the same instant I'm shackled and cuffed and restrained How does this fucking pertain to anything other than coping with pain? All of the time I spent hoping to change Just an obsession with stoking the flames Haunted, something hovers over me I feels its breath The skeletal projection of accumulated stress

That could be our teenager, that could be our kid doing that. How could that possibly happen?

I got bad news Nothing really changes We just wander aimless Friends turn into strangers Chalk up my exchanges and discard the conversations As just carcasses for vultures in decomposition stages Endless entertainment for these culture commentators Stylish innovators that just vanish minutes later Say "his style is very painterly" But painting's not an art Art is tricking you with statements that the painter's painting art Without an explanation, it's just pretty little marks The market sold imagination just to keep you in the dark Like you bitches need a cosign to rock a fashion Like you can't see a bigger picture without a caption Until some critic go and write it out A long winded trite amount of words That you can slide around some websites and fight about Meaning's what your life's without Surf until you're wiping out Conservation activist You're living with your lights out

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message? But what if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed What if he was bored and there was no between the lines It was a way to pass the time, he liked the way it rhymed

What's it all mean? What's he saying when he says it? What's the underlying topic? What's the motive in his message?

You know what the rattling pieces are in this, don't you? Some little pieces of buffalo chicken