#ive spent my entire life trying to be a Proper Person

[honeyhotteoks]

do you have any advice on like getting better with writing?

hey! i definitely do!! i’ve talked about this before but i have a lot of new readers, so ill start off by saying i’ve been writing for my entire life, and im 30 so thats a lot of years. if you’re a new writer, trust me i used to be there and good god if you guys could see the stuff i published in old fandoms 💀 really, really bad haha

i only say that because i by no means consider myself a great writer, there are fic writers in this space alone that i’m always so floored by and look up to…. but people have been very kind about my writing style and it’s something that took time to develop it’s not something i just “had”. outside of fic, i was a literature and creative writing major, and got very used to writing and workshopping pieces.

now! onto some actual advice —

1. read a lot and read more, but read stuff you actually like and not stuff you feel pressured to read. i love high brow litfic as much as the next pretentious english major, but i started writing a ton after reading a bunch of kindle unlimited romance because it was fun and it got me inspired

2. watch well written television for dialogue and pacing. people do not talk in proper english, they don’t say things eloquently, and there’s a lot of filler and fluff. that’s good! that’s real, so i love well written tv to show me how it’s done

3. get comfortable writing in weird ways. for years i used to sit down and be like “ah okay so chapter one” and then i was stuck, stalled out, and just felt bad about the process. when i started writing both aurora and tnt, i started in the middle. i had an image of a scene in my mind (for tnt it was actually the claim attempt) and i just wrote it out and then bounced around later

4. outlines are your friend! sometimes i’ll get a random line of dialogue in my head or an image but that doesn’t mean i’m ready to write it. i throw it in one big outline so i don’t lose it.

5. if you’re wanting to write really good smut i have two suggestions but please only do this to your personal comfort level. this is what works for me but do not make yourself uncomfortable— for good smut, i watch porn for reference and for good dirty talk, i listen to nsfw audio. i like to really write the visuals for smut and make it immersive but lol i haven’t experienced everything ive written about and logistics of the body are hard!! i usually find a video or an audio and let that help guide the imagery im writing.

6. be comfortable with the editing process. i know the temptation to post something the minute you finish it is there, but sleep on it. come back and edit it, read the dialogue out loud if you have to. i swear you’ll make the piece better just by leaving it and coming back.

7. don’t be afraid to post. most people are kind, and the worst thing that will happen is you don’t get a lot of notes. that’s okay, it’s a process.

8. research! as i’m writing anything, even a silly little oneshot, im doing research on something. i am hyper aware that im not korean and have never spoken korean or lived in korea, so for my fic i try my hardest to ground elements of that in reality. i truly cannot tell you how many hours ive spent reading like korean case law on revenge porn just for like 3 lines of dialogue. and you don’t have to go that crazy, i’m arguably too intense, but i do think some of that helps the story and the dialogue feel real.

9. describe something real- every place in my writing is based on something real. every apartment, hotel, cafe, venue, etc., they’re all either something i’ve found online or drawn from my life and use that to my advantage. i use apartment listings and save photographs, i do google map walks to see what neighborhoods look like, anything to get the feel of a place or an experience. for the christmas chapters of aurora, i watched hours of gwangju walking tour videos on youtube while i was writing just to understand how to describe their walk in the snow. it really helps me to have a visual that i can put words to.

10. find your weak points and see what other writers do differently. if you want to improve, you should find a small place to start. is it dialogue? overall plot? smut? etc. - i’ll never forget being on a creative writing retreat, and a very important writing professor said to me “everything you write is very pretty but you haven’t said anything. you have to decide to say something.” that feedback hurt, but sent me down a much better writing path when i realized where i was falling short and not challenging myself.

okay i hope some of this was helpful and if it’s a mess im sorry im on mobile. i really just love writing so deeply and will always talk about it, so i hope this was helpful 💗

[lyra-heartstring]

TW: Mentions of Sh, suicide, Od, racism ( self directed/internalized )

Before i start, the racism part of this is genuinely only to myself. I dont care what race other people are, i just hate mine.

Letter for the boy in the mirror that i wish to kill.

Spending the past 16 years of my life being ugly has been my enternal hell. I have to live everyday knowing im conventionally unattractive and no matter the clothes i wear and the way i style myself ill always be ugly. I have wonderful outfits that i think are really fucking cool or just nice and casual, but the only issue is my face and my skin. I dont want to deal with this shit, i hate my skin tone and i hate everyone trying to tell me to be proud of it. " Black is beautiful "Go fuck yourself, im not and for some reason everyone feels the need to let me know like i havent had to live with this body that i wish wasn't nine. "You're ugly" " who would like you" " you can atleast try to be funny " all of you can die, im tired of you and your fake sympathetic bullshit or the rejections in which i get infantalized bc people dont wwnt to be mean, just for me to find out wbt what they were thinking later. I get it im ugly and i tucking hate my race every issue i have stems in some way shape or form from those 2 factors (gender is another but that's a seperate rant on its own ) and don't give me that bullshit " its just your style " " dress nicely " fashion is a looks thing irregardless of how u want to spin it. Outfits look good because of how the person looks and for some fucking reason nothing works with me. My parents are trying to style me as some proper black christiwn boy, thats litterally the entire opposite of what i want to be. i have to deal with everyone tell me shit like " your outfit looks good", hoping one day they talk about me. " your shirt is nice " what about me?, " your outfit is cute ", what about me?. Ive spent years living as the billshit excuse of a human being with people shoving it down throat that im ugly, but THE SECOND I TRY TO KILL MY SELF OR I CUT MYSELF EVERYONE IS SUDDENLY THE GOOD SAMARITAN READY TO SAVE ME FROM MY TROUBLES. " Im jealous of you ", " i wish i looked like you ", " you arent ugly " I swear to every single celestial being i will rip off the head of the next person who tries to spoon feed me this bullshit. Im the person who is better off taking the photos, the one in the back of the pictures being blocked by people and thanks to my fucking skin tone i looked like some fucked up horror monster in polaroids. Now that its been 16 years of not a single person being there for me, suddenly everyone is some empath and knows how i feel. " i relate " " i understand how you " NO YOU FUCKING DONT, YOU POST AESTHETIC PHOTOS OF YOURSELF WEEKLY, HAVE PEOPLE HITTING ON YOU, WEAR WHATEVER YOU WANT BC U ARE ATTRACTIVE ANYWAYS SO ANYTHING U WEAR IS A " fit ". GO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF, TRY BEING THE PERSON THAT EVERYONR IS SUPRISED MANAGES TO DATE SOMEONE, ITS NOT THE SURPRISED OF " we didnt know " ITS THE BULLSHIT SURPRISE WHETE THEY ACY LIKE YOUR PARTNER IS BLIND OR YOU ARR PAYING THE PERSON TO DATE YOU. ITS THAT BULLSHIT SURPRISE YHAT SOMEONE ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH LIKES YOU. IF YOU EVEN GO THROUGH A PORTION OF THAT THEN MAYBE SAY U UNDERSTAND ME, DONT TRY TO RELATE TO MY STORY WHEN YOUR BIGGEST WORRY IS BEING HIT ON. MY BIGGEST WORRY IS BEING CALLED CREEPY BC I SAID I LIKE SOMEONE, OR A WEIRDO BC I CONFESS TO SOMEONE " i like you " BC ITS CRAZY THAT MY ABORTED FETUS LOOK-A-LIKE SELF HAS YHE AUDACITY TO DEVELOP FEELINGS WHILR LOOKING THE WAY I DO. EVERYONE ELSE CAUSE DO THE SAME SHIT AND ITS A SILLY FUN HIGHSCHOOL EXPERIENCE, ITS FUNNY, AKWARD, ROMANTIC. What i would give to be a different person, different hair, different face, different race, different voice, the amout i would throw away just for that is unmeasureable. To the higher beings i hate you for what you have

done to me, people worship you for what you have fone for them, and im suppossed to join along and be thankful of the gift of life when my life has been nothing but a curse. I hate you for how i look, i hate that everyday i have to find new methods to not think or look into mirrors bc my immediate reaction to commit suicide. Im 16 with a violent hatred towards my face, a waste of space incomplete cell called my body, the urge/desire to kill myself the second i think abt how i look, pure hatred and negativity. I spend all my time cutting because the moment the blade leaves my skin i remember im ugly. The many nights i stare into the mirror with the pills in my hand as i cry for being dealt this shit of a hand from life. I hope for happiness one day but ik that i will never find it nor will i let go of this anger. To the few people reading this

[natequarter]

24 and 25 for the history ask?

24: Who do you consider to be one of the most underrated historical figures?

edward vi. henry vii and mary i are rightfully recognised and understood as similarly underrated in comparison to their successors, but they do have their advocates - unlike edward vi. i've encountered a lot of tudor enthusiasts, and nobody ever lists edward as their favourite tudor or favourite historical figure. of course, he died as a child and spent a good half of his reign with limited input into how he ruled, but in his short life he achieved a remarkable amount of change, plenty of which was his own work.

edward's legacy is hugely unfair. he's remembered, for the most part, as a sickly and weak child overpowered by the cruelty of his regents. but this is, in my opinion, a terrible way to view him. he was powerful. he was intelligent. he was raised to rule. he managed to handle his uncle kidnapping him; he helped shape what would have been the future of english protestantism; he began trying to solve the huge amounts of debt that his father and uncle had left him in. the main reason he is not remembered as an efficient king with a powerful and skilled advisor by his side (john dudley may not have been the most consistent person around, but i think his legacy also got fucked over by edward's untimely death) is that he died young. had he lived, he might have fathered an heir, finally secured the tudor succession (a problem which remained essentially unsolved across the entire period), fully established a church of england, reduced the financial problems of henry viii, and perhaps become involved with colonialism across the seas. (not that that's a good thing, but elizabeth i isn't exactly shunned for her involvement in ireland...)

and most of all, edward was human. he was a teenager with his own thoughts and feelings, ranging from his turbulent and tragic relationship with his sister, mary, to his grief over the death of his mother. he was orphaned at the age of nine. two of his uncles were beheaded when he was only eleven and fourteen respectively. he was overcome with sorrow when his friends, the dukes of suffolk, died. he once wrote of mary: 'i love you most.' but at christmas in 1550, they got into a row and made each other cry because they couldn't reconcile their religious beliefs - mary refused to bow to edward's religious changes, and edward was frustrated that mary insisted he was too young to know his own beliefs. he was close friends with lady jane grey, whom he later tried to make his heir. and he was fifteen! he died slowly and painfully, over a period of six months, and he was a teenager who knew that his entire life's work might be undone by his sister. he was stubborn, he was clever, he was deeply religious - all traits for which his sisters and father are well-known, but edward is denied. i want a proper drama focusing on edward's life, and NOT his annoying uncle or elizabeth, stat.

i was going to say something about margaret pole and arthur plantagenet here, but i got sidelined by my love for edward here. arthur was the illegitimate son of edward iv (who, funnily enough, died in the tower of london), and margaret was the daughter of george, duke of clarence, and niece of edward iv. neither of them were particularly important in edward iv or richard iii's reigns, but they later became much more relevant in the tudor era, as relatives of elizabeth of york and then henry viii. under henry viii, arthur was viscount lisle and lord deputy of calais - oddly enough, after his death, his title passed to john dudley, who was his stepson. margaret was mary i's governess, and her family remained staunch supporters of katherine of aragon. despite refusing to accept mary as his heir, henry apparently considered women a legitimate threat to his rule, as he executed margaret in 1541. earlier, he also arrested arthur. arthur was supposed to be released, but he died a few days after being freed, probably from a heart attack. they're the real last plantagenets.

i'll stop there, else this post will end up miles long.

25: Who is the most overrated historical figure, in your opinion?

stalin. elizabeth i. other people who weren't involved in colonialism, probably. oh yes! anne boleyn. we have all heard of anne boleyn, we get it, she was a person who existed. the actual woman anne boleyn seems really interesting, but unfortunately it gets buried under leagues of people more interested in either her romance with henry viii (boring) or people who simply wish to one-up those who aren't interested in her specific area of history. i am genuinely fascinated by henry viii, but i'm exhausted by the constant emphasis on anne boleyn this, elizabeth i that. i'm not interested in them!! i don't care!! but they're everywhere and fans of anne boleyn seem to feel oppressed for caring about an incredibly popular historical figure. not that anne wasn't treated with a lot of cruelty by henry viii and a lot of catholics both at the time and after the fact, but is there any historical figure except maybe her daughter who saturates all things tudor? i doubt it

(link)

[voidcandle]

long, rambling diary entry below. idk if any of it necessitates a cw but if it does please let me know.

the near daily realization and reminder of how most of my life has been spent barely holding it together as my brain required more and more energy just to go through the day, meaning everything else on top of that was drinking from a well barely able to sustain itself.

for one reason or another or all of them at the same time ive spent nearly my entire life barely being able to just be much less be more than just a quiet, lonely, well-behaved, pleasure-to-have-in-class, good-enough-grades kid.

spending every day barely being able to fight off the constant impulse for flight while trying to get through every painful step of just being alive.

having to get through it with no awareness or understanding or compassion of all of it.

until one day at a routine check-up, my doctor asked me if i was experiencing any anxiety, as they normally do, and, too exhausted to maintain the the self-delusion that no really im okay dont worry about me, I said yes.

and he prescribed me a low dosage anti-anxiety medication and really recommended i start seeing someone for help.

and i started feeling better.

and realizing that, no, im not okay and, yes, please, someone worry about me in a way that means i get help.

so i did start seeing someone for help, and i started getting on medication to help get my depression under control. and then i started seeing someone else and i tried out different medications, eventually finding a cocktail that really, really helped.

and then the next person took my concerns about me potentially having adhd seriously. finally, for the first time in my life, someone who could help me saw the specific ways i was struggling and took it seriously. so i took the assessment.

and i finally had confirmation that, yes, i needed help in a specific way and it wasn't all my fault. i was doing the best i could. and somehow i had made it to 30. and i did more than just make it. i accomplished important things.

im not "normal." i do need more help than many others. and that's okay. and im so happy to finally know im not just a broken person who used up all the goodness they had in them.

and now i have to live the rest of my life wondering

why didn't anyone notice? why didn't anyone try to help? how much did i miss out on, ruin, let rot away?

and im not sure if it just takes a long time or if i'll never really be able to get over it, and if the latter is the case, then how can i learn to live with it?

even on my good days, i can often feel myself putting everything i have into barely holding myself together. i can't maintain proper hygiene. i cant feed myself as much as i need to. i cant do the things i need to do, and sometimes not even what i want to do. i have to continue wrapping the building together in webs as it gets closer and closer to falling apart, and hope the entire time that it'll be okay before i run out so it stays together.

[vencyrus]

just gonna rapid fire some awful thoughts that would make my brother hit me over the head with a metal bat // just kidding i accidentally started ranting about my bpd

as an aromantic that is desperately clawing at the chance to feel love, i fear i would become a "he know where home at" kinda gal but i think the concept, while horrifying irl, would make such a beautiful literary device

i have been drawing myself for goretober but not posting any of it bc i think it might be a form of self harm and i dont want to face this problem with my therapist yet

me posting art is actually exposure therapy as suggested by my therapist for my bpd because i crave attention in such a bad way that it actively affects my mood and motovation for weeks at a time when i spend so much time on something only to recieve no recognition for it

this honestly would be a non issue if my friends would actually talk to me bc i used to be okay with sharing things with just the two of them but theyre both so busy all the time and they dont really make the effort to talk to me so it is so disheartening that i dont even try to talk to them that much anymore

i want to make new friends bc i got some rly cool mutuals and ive met some rly nice ppl in the mistria server but i fear i am not in the proper headspace to be making new friends and my therapist agrees but it has been so lonely lately

i also have not had an FP in like years which is really good progress but thats also such a long time to be lonely. im a very codependant person. ive spent so much of my younger days attached to people that i really dont know who i am without that but id like to find out.

i think the combination of aromantic and boderline personality disorder is going to end me bc i want to be able to give my entire being to one person so much that it hurts to be away from them and i want them to feel the same way but i cant love them in a way that truly matters and thats just not fair for them. and im not being fair to myself either because im just essentially looking for someone to leech onto, someone to tell me how i should feel, someone to emulate, someone to admire. ive spent so much of my life being other people i dont think ive ever known how to be myself

i cannot feel the calm i feel when im drawing. its becoming such a vicious cycle of drawing to decompress then spending the next few hours stressing when something doesnt do well then drawimg again. lather rinse repeat

anyway! i hate being vulnerable but man does it feel good to throw this all out into the void. its like letting loose a message in a bottle out to sea. so just to balance all that, let me just say some out of pocket stuff since no one is gonna read this far into it.

im a coulro/dacry/hemo-phi11iac.

one time, in the middle of a Hook^ my partner noticed my glasses faintly glew in the dark so she wanted to turn off the lights so i could pretend to be the invisible man from hotel translyvania

this dude was tryna be flirty by speaking french but my native language is super ugly tbh and im not fluent in chamorro or carolinian bc im so disconnected with the other side of my herritage so i just whispered omae wa moe shindeiru in return

[ellitx]

Chapter 13: Fidelity

𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁

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art belongs to _suucrose

word count: 2.9k

           In sun and clouds, the church spire reached into that every stretching blue. It was as if it spoke of the love of the community towards their god, that it too lasted in any weather and called on them to join and put their faith in him.

           When Aether and Paimon walked along the nave, the church choir was different compared to the other choirs that didn’t sing hymns. Their voice was almost like angels, high notes soaring over the clouds, graceful notes dancing on the staves, and they sang for the Anemo Archon only.

           The two waited to finish their practice before looking for a certain deaconess that might help them gather more information they needed. It wasn’t long before Barbara noticed them and approached the two with a welcoming smile.

           “Hello, Honorary Knight. What brings you here today?” 

           Paimon flew over her and leaned closer for a much better closeness to ask. 

           “We would like to ask you something about Barbatos!�� She exclaimed fervently whilst she placed her small arms in front of her chest. A bright smile was then donned on the deaconess’s face, her blue eyes sparkling in delight at her words.

           “Oh! Are you two perhaps interested in serving Mondstadt’s very own Anemo archon as well?” Her tone had an obvious enthusiasm in it. Aether already felt bad that’s not what they were here for, and be that as it may, he still has to prioritize in searching for his lost sibling.

           “That’s not the case. We wanted to ask if by any chance the Anemo archon has a lover.”

           Barbara’s small pink lips parted trying to utter a single word however a short chuckle was what came from her mouth. It surprised them and was confused if they said something odd. Her delicate hands were now placed on her mouth to stifle her laughs, apologizing in between them, as small tears form from the corner of her eyes.

           “Sorry for suddenly laughing. I wasn’t expecting that’ll be your question. But to answer that, there are no stories or mentions if Barbatos had a lover or not in the past. If he did, it would’ve already been written in the books and be sung by the bards everywhere. You celebrated the Windblume Festival, right?" 

        The two gestured their heads as a yes. "Since you already know it's a festival about love and freedom, wouldn't the Windblume Festival be celebrated for both of them instead of Barbatos only? But just as I have said before, there were no tales about the God of Freedom having a lover.”

           Something clicked inside his head though it didn’t last for long as it suddenly fades away like a speckle of dust. 

           “That’s true…” He turned to look at Paimon who was all troubled and disturbed.

           He continued to listen further if there’ll be more clues but it seems like that’s the only information he’ll get for now. His companion looked at him then held her aching head to alleviate the small ringing echoing in her ears.

           “Paimon’s running out of brain juice and my head is hurting the more Paimon thinks about this…” The throbbing in her head told her it was time to rest someplace quiet, to ride out the pile of confusion within her brain.

           Aether nodded and massaged his forehead in hopes to ease the pain. Why does he suddenly feel so lightheaded? He shook his head and pushed himself forward to carry out his plan on giving the pendant back to you. Words of gratitude were what Barbara received from the blonde and she waved them a goodbye to continue her choir practice with the other members of the Favonius Church.

           “Are we going back to the lair?” Paimon asked. Aether hummed in affirmation as they stepped outside of the parish. The harsh sunlight caused him to squint his eyes and cover his face with his arm. Was it always this hot for this season? The sudden change of the climate made him so lightheaded than ever. 

           Paimon detected how pale he looks as if he’d been painted with white-wash— even his lips were barely there. It was as if his heart had suddenly stopped beating and all the blood had run down into his boots. He swayed just for a moment, then with one step backward, he crumpled like a puppet suddenly released of their strings.

—

  Birds trill, sweetly high, the chorus as playful as the birds themselves. With closed eyes, Venti imagined their music to color, painting stairs in the same way grapevines grow - this way and that, in a beautiful harmony that isn't quite random. 

           Along with your soft humming, it made the ambiance much more relaxing and calm for him. In the calm of the day, his heartbeat is the steady drum to your melody and he seeps into the moment, allowing himself to drown in your beautiful voice.

           You rubbed the petals of the red flower between your fingers, watching your skin take on the sunny hue. Venti had spent the entire afternoon lying down on your lap and listening to your canorous tunes that made him forget about everything— as if you two were the only ones in this world with no one to intervene in such a peaceful moment he has with you.

           You watched the petal rotate and awed in admiration as a flower’s petal is able to spin like wind wheels. 

           “Hey, Venti,” You called out to him and peered down to peek at his sleeping face. Your lover hummed in drowsiness before opening one of his eyes to look at you. Dragging the flower close to him, he shifted to get a proper look at what you’re holding.

           “What flower is this?”

           You’ve always been a curious one. Even before you were in a coma. It’s like you have a passion in you to know every single thing about this world. From small creatures to rare species of beings in the wildlife, anything that catches your interest and you're eager to know more about it.

           Your drive to find answers is one of your unique traits he’s grown to love the more he’s with you. You create yourself in that fire of ongoing need that focuses everything that you are. And you do it because it feels as if the finding of the answer is your personal mission, your reason for being, your way of belonging and giving.

           It came to him if your curiosity will cross the line. Will it come to you that he’s been hiding his identity from you? Or will you still continue to live life with him in pure denseness? Either way, if you managed to find out he’ll find a way to have you forget what you witness. 

           For now, he has to be cautious and prevent you from exploring the outside world. Especially if that traveler is around in his land. It’s no good if you meet him. With the help of the humming winds to let him know what’s happening, it occurred to him that he has to just patiently wait and prevent you and Aether from crossing paths.

           Venti held your soft hands in his palms and took the flower from you. A small and gentle smile appeared on his face as he leaned forward and pressed his temple against yours, placing the plant close to your chest.

           “It’s Windwheel Asters.” He answered and observed how your eyes sparkled in joy when you watched the petals continue to spin.

           “I haven’t seen these before.” 

           Venti lightly chuckled and placed the flower between your hands as he returned to resting himself against you, but this time his head was now on your shoulder. “Windwheel Asters cannot grow in places with no wind nor plagued by strong storms, only where the wind is gentle and nourishing.” 

           “Really?” You laid your head against his and fiddled with the stem. If these floras are really unable to grow in harsh winds, then it means Old Mondstadt’s storms have truly vanished without any traces left. 

           Peace and harmony at last. 

           Freedom is finally with you.

           You lifted your hand up against the sunlight and marvel at how simple it is. It may not look as fancy as the cecilias nor does it resemble feathered wings of a dandelion when blown away, but you found yourself liking this more than what Venti had given you.

           It’s not like you don’t appreciate his efforts for collecting every cecilias and dandelions in this region to create a wonderful garden for your eyes to fancy with, you still are grateful for it though you do wonder why did he not include these asters in the collection?

           “I kind of like this. It reminds me of you.”

           Now that made him fully awake.

           “Me?”

           The color-infused cheeks dimpled with the blossoming smile, your eyes shone in a way that only deep happiness can bring. It was the blush of roses, that peek of champagne pink. Nodding your head to him, you brought the flower close to your face to cover your flushing features.

           “You were always fighting for freedom. If it weren’t for you, we won’t be able to see the skies and birds you’ve always wished for. I really admire your perseverance and passion to fight against my father to have the city liberated from his hands. Thank you. Thank you for revolting against him. Thank you for giving everyone freedom they’ve longed for.”

           You suddenly felt your throat tightened and your breath hitching every now and then. With your shoulders shaking and chin trembling, you fear he might see you in such a vulnerable state. You lowered your head even more and let your hair cover your face. Even if you hide it from him, Venti can still see small drops of liquid falling from you until it turns into a small puddle on the back of your hand.

           “[Name]…?”

           “Even though I’m Decarabian’s daughter, you never looked or treated me differently. Even after the war has ended, you never leave me. And now father, mother, and the knight… they’re all gone and y-you survived. You still stayed with me until I woke up…  I… I was so scared that once I awoke, I won’t be able to see you.”

           You were wiping your cheeks every few seconds and gulping down the lump sitting on your throat. Sniffling quietly, the tears still threatened to spill from your eyes. Your lover gently clutched your hand and used his other hand to lift your chin up to look at him.

           Your eyes were red and swollen. It shatters his heart seeing you like this as your tears split over and flowed down your face like a river escaping a dam. Using his finger to dry your damp face, he brushed his lips on your temple and laced your fingers together.

           “I should be the one thanking you.” He muttered and brought your intertwined fingers up to his lips to kiss the back of your hand. “Without your support, I don’t know how things would end up. If he— if I hadn’t saved you back then, you’d be locked up in that tower. Things would go differently, wouldn’t they? I can’t bring myself the idea of leaving you there when they were chasing after you.”

           He pushed you until your back was leaning against the rough trunk of the tree. His other arm was propped beside your face before he rested his head on your shoulder and nuzzled closely.

           “Thank you. Thank you for always being here with me.” Even though his voice was muffled, you can hear him loud and clear through your teary state. A shaky smile came from you as you caressed his hair lovingly before leaning forward and wrapping your arms around him.

           “I love you. I love you so much, Venti.”

           He has lived long enough to know that what you share he can’t replicate it with another. This love, this feeling, is just you and him. He could travel the world and the seven regions to create new ballads; he’d still come right back at you if he wanted true love. 

           He has protected you for years, he’s your confidant, a true friend, and even a lover. The trust he gave you, you gave him, is what keeps both of you safe in this world, in this life. So whether his heart beats another day or another hundred years— it’s always yours.

           Meeting Venti was more of a coincidence than a fate. Yet it was the first time in your life you felt like you could be yourself around him. Memories of meeting him have become the same as the dream you play time and time again. You felt good with him in a way you haven’t been before or since.

           Hearing those three eternal words from you is surreal for him. His heart would beat madly and his stomach churn in such a way excitement and happiness is filling his entire system. He wants to hear from you again.

           Just once more so he can finally have you all to himself.

           His chest was burning hot and so was his heart that rapidly beats in great euphoria. He can sense your emotions when you cry but this feeling… it’s much more different than he had felt before. A burning desire. He’s so smitten of your entire existence. All words coming from you were all his, he grasps each phrase and corresponds with his own loving and affectionate words.

           He was brought out from his trance when he felt how warm his palm is, and it’s when he became aware his hand was now placed on your cheek just like how he brings your hand to cup his face. 

           Venti felt his face heat up at such a simple gesture and when you give a short and quick chaste kiss on his lips, he recognized the first brightest and sweet smile for this day was painted on your graceful visage.

           “I love you.”

           His wish was heard when you repeated your confession at him. Is it finally working? Were his efforts finally paid off? Before Ludi Harpastum was the Windblume, a festival where they offer windblumes to their loved ones and to the Anemo Archon. Every year, every time Mondstadt celebrates Windblume, his first priority is to give you cecilias.

           He collected them for you every year. He tends them very well until they bloom��� until your eyes opened. For him, windblumes are the cecilias. A symbol of elegance, purity, and just as ethereal as your gentle heart. It may be different from what that really means as interpreted by the people of Mond, but for Venti, he feels freedom when he’s with you, he feels loved when he’s with you and it’s the reason why he gathered so many flowers for you while you were asleep.

           The arrangement given to him by the former Dendro Archon— she proposed the idea to him to gather flowers for you every time they feast Windblume. He can still clearly remember her words, her voice echoing in his head saying that even she may part from this world. 

           Her predictions for her own life were accurate. As if she already expected this to happen to her and that’s why she’s planning ahead to list all the preconditions to him to keep you safe and harmless. Barbatos can’t keep relying on her on everything and that is why he put a lot of effort into maintaining the garden.

           Yesterday night was the time of the ceremony. Venti prepped everything to make it perfect, he wanted it to be successful. A mimic of a dance he once saw when he and you were together ages ago, it was a secret you both hid but he knows this. Barbatos knows what happened during that time and pretended as if he weren't there.

           But now that he was able to dance it with you, one would call him shameless for stealing you from him. The heavy weight on his shoulder was now lifted away, finally free from the guilt he’s been feeling for centuries. His inner battle with himself is fully resolved, inner conflicts vanished, a conflict between his love and longing for you.

           Your words eased Venti and made him assured you love him back as well. If you haven’t said a single word about your own feelings, he’d be living in an illusory fantasy that you were only shy to tell him you love him very much. But ever since the bond has been created, all he hears is I love you’s from you for his ears to delight in.

           “I love you,”

           You repeated once, a faint brush of your lips against his made him shudder. Soft, gentle, and shy just like your personality. Twice when you parted away, grasping how he tastes like apples before meekly leaning on him once more for a kiss but with more vigor. Your hand clutched the front of his shirt when you felt him hold you the small of your waist to pull you against him.

           “I love you.”

           Thrice was words of tenderness and desire from you to him. At that moment, you felt your body flushed warm. This was a person you wanted to be with than you’d ever felt before. 

           Venti has always been the one you could love forever.

@trust-the-oxygen​

[maccreadysimp]

breaking down this anti-ian article bc it bothers me ( from the child of a bipolar mother and a male teen with same sex attraction ) while also providing valid reasons ian sucks ( from someone who likes ian )

ive had this drafted for a while so i dont think i cover anything from season 11

tw for i^cest and r^pe

he was with a married man

in this point it points out that he was with kash and he continued his relationship with kash even after linda put cameras in the store

“Ian didn't seem to care about how wrong his affair with Kash was or how much it could hurt Kash's wife Linda, whom he saw at the store regularly. “

that is a quote from that part.

ian gallagher was fifteen in season one, kash was an older man who bought him gifts and payed attention to ian ,, that was not on ian , none of that was ian fault because he was a child

ian wasnt open with lip

“ Ian didn't tell Lip about his preferences and forced Lip to figure it out on his own. Lip was instantly accepting of his brother's truth and even offered to help him figure out any confusion he might be harboring, so it's really strange that Ian wasn't just upfront with his closest confidant from the start.”

no , lip wasnt forced to figure it out on his own and he also wasn’t instantly accepting.

in this point it mentions that ‘they’re extremely close ( bestfriends and brothers ) so its strange ian didnt tell him’

like point 1 , ian is a fifteen year old boy, growing up on the southside , and thoughout the show it has mentioned multiple times that the southside isnt that accepting

back to lip -- lip wasnt accepting, sure he was fine but ‘helping your younger brother figure it out’ by having a (female) classmate give him a blowjob isnt helping

he secretly dated his best friends brother

“Most friends have an unspoken rule about not dating each other's siblings, but Ian broke this rule by secretly entering into a relationship with Mandy's closeted brother Mickey.”

the only thing i have to say about this is , he was still with kash and mickey was a boy in his age group who was gay , growing up in the southside ian probably thought he was the token gay so of course hes going to chase after mickey

he stood by as kash attacked mickey

“Ian didn't do anything to stop Kash from shooting his new lover, and didn't even tell the police about his boss' over-the-top display of jealous action so proper justice could be served.”

okay. because two men he had fallen for had gotten into a fight, there was a gun involved and he panicked, in the end after mickey got shot he went to him

now to address the quote, he didnt say anything to the police because he probably knew that that would bring shame onto kash and his family, along with mickey and his family who are very homophobic

oh yeah and it was like 2011 and cops suck and THEY LIVE ON THE SOUTHSIDE

he and lip tried framing terry milkovich

oh the homophobic and racist dad of his boyfriend and bestfriend who tried to kill him and r*ped his daughter ?

yeah , shit man , that was real bad they shouldn’t have done that /s

he dated jimmy-steves married father

“Ian didn't bother telling Jimmy the truth about his father and didn't end his relationship with Lloyd upon finding out that he had a secret wife and family, either.”

at this point ian is probably sixteen but that doesnt matter bc i wont even address that

he met him at a club and then used his relationship with ned to make mickey jealous which was one of the reasons he kept seeing him, he didnt tell jimmy-steve about the relationship or his father bc he shouldnt find out from him he should find out from his father , again like kash, ned was an older man who payed attention to ian and ned later did develop feelings feelings for ian

he stole lips identity to enlist in the army

he enlisted because he didnt know what to do with himself, its implied/stated that the army timeline was the start of his bipolar

“While impersonating Lip, Ian had tried to steal a helicopter and then proceeded to go AWOL.”

this is because of the bipolar he suffers from, it is referenced later in the series after he gets back and hes manic

ian refused to accept being bipolar

of course he didnt accept it, it is made very clear that his family thinks lowly of monica so of course if hes the lucky duck to get what his siblings demonize her for, of course he’ll not want to be it

“He refused to take medications that could alter his personality or mood.”

okay. this is why im making this whole post, this goes along with part 15 ( or so idk ) ,,

my mother , my dear mother, who is bipolar and doesnt take her meds because they are mood altering , my mom doesnt take med because she told me once that they make her feel like shit, she told me that a little after i was born she started taking them but realized she felt nothing, she felt nothing for my dad or for i ( making her numb )

she told me anti deppresents dont help either because when shes on them and manic it pushes her past productive and into angry

my dad told me that when my mom was on bi polar medication she would seem angry most of the time

he wasnt faitful to mickey

“Ian's bipolar disorder made him very reckless and impulsive and led him to be unfaithful.”

lets break that down.

ians. bipolar. disorder.

this plot point i actually didnt like, mainly bc ian never addresses it so ill give the article a point. but then i take away 2 because they have more of a problem with his bipolar messing with him rather than the fact he never apologized and they never worked it out

ian stole yevgeny

before i start quoting i should mention because his boyfriend, who has supported and helped him is suddenly telling him he needs help, he was helping raise yev so he’ll see yev as his own

“Ian failed to recognize just how crazy he was acting...”

cuting you off right there , he was in a bipolar state, he wasnt ‘crazy’ and isnt ‘crazy’

he cant even keep count of his number of partners

just slutshaming i see

he helped throw frank off a bridge

“His relationship with Frank was understandably never the same after that, as Frank struggled to get over this act of betrayal and cruelty.”

‘was never the same after that’ frank never liked ian, ian was probably his least favorite and that point is very apparent

also , it wasnt just ian , his siblings and his boyfriend caleb

he left a healthy relationship to be with mickey

he fell in love with mickey at 15 , mickey was a comfort and always someone to fall back on, when mickey was taken away and no longer in the picture his heart still obviously was with mickey and when mickey came back he didnt know what to do

he told mickey he had a boyfriend but because mickey has been such a constant in his life he finally has back of course he couldnt resist

he liked trevor, i could tell he did but trevor wasnt the one he watched get r^ped by a russian prostitute, he wasnt the one ian was secretly dating bc it would be a death wish other wise, he wasnt the one there when ian was manic or depressive ( at the start )

he tried blackmailing an old client for money

“Instead of raising the money in an honest manner, Ian chose to visit an old client from his time working at the Fairy Tail and blackmail him into funding the shelter.”

because he felt indebted to trevor and wanted to make it up to him, it would have taken longer to do it in ‘an honest manner’ when his sister would have gotten it instead, he knew how much gay youths like he once was needed a safe place

“He grew up wanting to be nothing like his father, but this whole money-making scheme was straight out of the Frank playbook”

because thats all he knows, he grew up with that ‘playbook’ so of course hes going to take a page out of it, he is nothing like frank , franks money making schemes are selfish and for his own greed while ian wanted the money to help build a safe space for lgbt youth

he let fame inflate his ego

of course he did, hes a southside kid who was destined to fail

also it is very apparent that during the gay jesus era he went off his medication which didnt help

“Before long, he just completely forgot about his ex and focused solely on being a deity”

as much as yes, he did let it mess with his head, he was trying to still help lgbt youth and was going against anti gay churchs , in the end it didnt work out for him because he was off his meds and went over board

he stopped taking his meds

see previous point and ‘ian refused to accept being bipolar’

he actually wanted to stay in prison

because he was doing good in there

ian was helping others and was spreading awareness about lgbt with in the prison , and as him and jail scenes go , we can see people were listening to him and he was trying to make it safe sane and consensual

he let down his army of followers

“Ian admitted that most of his actions were completely irrational and the mere results of his bipolar disorder.”

he didnt want to, we can see this, because he knew he would let down everyone, his family were the only ones to ever ground him and they knew it would be the best option for his own mental health

during the gallavich wedding we can see that a lot of his supporters still have his back because they must know how hard it was for him to put all of that success on something he can’t control

he constantly wasted his potential

this is actually the only point in this article i actually agree with , so only 1/20 i agree with

his relationship with mickey wasn’t actually great

“Mickey spent the first several years of their relationship denying his feelings for Ian.”

he was raised by a homophobic and racist father who he knew would react the way he did when terry had caught the two that one day

“Even after he finally embraced his true self, Ian's bipolar disorder kept them from becoming truly happy together.”

yes but mickey was there for him the entire time and helped him through it, he told him he loved him which was really big for him and did his best to care for him

“They couldn't seem to remain faithful to each other for more than a few weeks.”

back to the point about ians bipolar but for mickey he wanted monogamy , now that scene in s11 may say otherwise but it is very clear that he wants a monogamous relationship with ian and ian ( after getting help ) wants one too, and in the later seasons they are monogamous

“When Mickey asked Ian to run away to Mexico with him, Ian refused.”

he wanted to, it’s obvious, but ian has his family and didnt want to abandon them again, i think part of him knew he would see mickey again because they always find eachother, he gave mickey all of his money and wanted mickey to have a good life

“Their relationship was simply never healthy.”

no it wasnt, but thats why the ship is great in its own way, the gay closet kid raised by a homophobic man is obviously going to have a lot of baggage , and ian who is bipolar and struggling with himself will also have a lot of baggage , but in the end they love eachother and that really shows in season five and season seven specifically

that is all lol ,,, this is long sorry

now, i am not a ian apologist , i love ian but hes a dumbass sometimes

actual valid reasons ian sucks

genuinely believes frank is worse than terry

yes frank was definitely abusive but terry is definitely worse ,,

mentally/physically/sexually abusive , the whole nine yards

terry hired a prostitute to r^pe his son , threatened to kill him and ian on multiple occasions , r^ped his daughter who ended up pregnant and is actively racist

frank on the other hand will make gay jokes but in the end doesnt give enough of a shit , he has attacked his children on multiple occasions but not to the brutality that terry has ( this isnt me excusing it )

sorry ian , terry is worse

never apologized

he never apologized for all the shit he put mickey and his family through, never apologized to mickey for cheating on him , never apologized for all the manic and depressive episodes mickey endured with him

never apologized for walking away when he couldn’t handle it, in hall of shame mickey actually acknowledges this saying ‘its youre whole MO’

debbies sexuality

he has constantly made statements saying debbie isnt gay and that bothers me because , why does it care ? as a gay man and as a gay man who soent time with a lot of lgbt youth wouldnt he support his sister even if shes just ‘experimenting’?

in the recent season he doesnt seem to care and doesn’t say anything but it still bothers me

mickey only getting like 80% of his heart

okay look , i get what ian means when he says this , everyones hes been with has made him who he is but fucking hell dude ,, shut up , thats your husband , thats the love of your life you shouldnt be saying shit like that , especially to him

and then this man had the audacity to say mickey probably feels the same about past flings when he knows that ian is the only one hes probably ever been with/serious about

obviously there is probably more but those are the main ones that come to mind

—

before anyone brings up the trans or bi thing im going to explain my thought process for him

like ive probably mentioned multiple times he grew up southside and obviously only ever grew up with lgb and not t ,, trevor did inform him a lot and ian became supre accepting of everyone,, sexual preference isnt transphobic but i do think he approached the matter badly

now the bi thing , legit all i think is that he doesnt hate bisexual people its just that the man he really liked slept with a woman and never expressed any heterosexual attraction so it probably just suprised him and pissed him off because caleb did cheat on ian

—

if you read this far HOLY SHIT THANKS LOL ,, im not adding things that i think are pro about ian this was just me breaking down that article and giving my two cents :)

feel free to message me and talk to me or send me articles like this about any other character/relationship and i will totally break that one down too lol

thanks for letting me rant

[razorblade180]

Shackles 11: Resolve

[part 10]

“Anymore?” That’s all Ilia could think to say in the windswept desert, surrounded by wounded escapees and the guards she struck down. Ilia looked to her left to see Yang tend to Adam’s wounds as best as possible with the supplies they had. “Should we expect anymore to come out? There’s…less than I expected.”

“Other than Blake and Jacquelyn, I couldn’t say. Right now I’m worried about whether any one of us can make a trip to Vacou in this condition.”

“I handled that already. Right now I’m more concerned about-” a tremor cut her off. The entrance of the mine shaft began crumbling as Blake and Jacquelyn ran out. The maiden raised her foot and stomped the ground again, causing another tremble that closed the entrance with rubble.

Jacquelyn looked at her handy work briefly while she brought her hands together to pray. “It’s not a proper burial, but it’s the best I could offer. Forgive me.” She gave a moment of silence before running off to Adam. Beside him was a girl she didn’t recognize and Yang. “How is he!?”

“Breathing, but that’s about all I can say. I did stop some bleeding. In this situation though…”

“I got it…” Jacquelyn uttered. She sat by his side quietly and took his hand. It was faint but she could feel him gently squeeze back. “Hang on a little longer okay?” Her eyes watered. Unsure of what to do or feel, Jasmine remained speechless.

Yang stood up and gave them space. Truthfully she didn’t think she could watch Jacquelyn cry. Something about it…hit a little close to home. Despite her personal feelings, Yang hoped for the best. Her eyes spotted Blake standing apart from everyone else. Yang approached without hesitation but was shocked whenever she tried reaching out and Blake moved away; not even looking her way.

“Blake? Hey, what’s wrong?” She waited patiently but didn’t get a response. “Blake, you're scaring me a little. What happened?”

“I…I just…” Blake dropped to her knees and covered her mouth. She could that pit in her stomach start churning as she did her best to keep calm. She could still feel it. The pounding in her chest and the adrenaline that made her shake violently. Next thing she knew Yang had was holding her while Blake struggled to breathe.

“Blake!? Blake what’s wrong!? Ilia! Something is wrong!”

“What!?” She came rushing over and saw Blake on the ground, her pupils extremely cat-like. “She’s hyperventilating! Blake you gotta calm down! Look at me. Deep breaths.”

Try as she might, Blake couldn’t. Her senses felt heightened beyond anything she’s ever felt. The cries of friends became muffled and their tearful expressions blurred. Blake once again found herself fading into darkness.

xxxx

Blake couldn’t understand what was happening to her or how long it lasted. As quickly as the darkness came, there was light again. However, it wasn’t sun light; and she wasn’t on the sand. Blake was staring up at the ceiling. A quick head tilt told her all she needed. Blake in a hospital, Menagerie’s hospital. Wait…

Blake sprung up. “How’d I get here!?” She looked at her to see an IV drip connected. She was about to take it out when the door opened. Blake gasped to see her father walk in. He was just as surprised to see her awake.

“Blake!” He ran over and gave her a hug. “Thank goodness you’re okay!”

“Dad? What are you doing here?”

“Me? I should be the one asking you that. At least…that’s what I would say if Sun hadn’t filled in your mother and I when we returned.” Ghira finally stopped hugging but grabbed his daughter’s shoulders. “Blake, how could you not tell us something so important?”

Blake’s eyes softened with guilt. “It’s not as if I didn’t trust you. It was just…a lot to process. I’m still processing. Ugh, my shoulders.”

Ghira let go. “Sorry. I didn’t realize-”

“No, it’s not you. My entire body feels like lead. What happened to me? How am I back here?”

Her father sat by her side and stroked his beard. “Well for starters the doctors say you had a severe panic attack. As for how you’re here, you arrived by airship flown by Ilia; along with several other ships with more of Sun’s friends.

So that was it. Sun or Ilia must’ve told the rest of team SSSN ahead of time to be ready with evacuation. It was pretty ridiculous that asking for their help didn’t even cross her mind.

“You’re not all they brought. There were few others. The ones that didn’t need immediate help or couldn’t manage in Vacou. Unfortunately… some didn’t survive.”

The pit in her stomach came back again. “I see. Guess it would’ve been wishful thinking to assume otherwise.” Blake gripped her knees and shut her eyes. No need to beat around the bush. “Where’s Adam?”

“He’s in intensive care, underwatch.”

“Take me to him.”

“Blake you need to-”

“I’ll search every room, so just tell me.” Blake removed the IV drip and proceeded to leave. Ghira didn’t think twice following behind her. He didn’t even know why she asked for help. Blake was heading in the obvious direction. Where the noise was loudest.

Way down the hall near the back of the hospital had many empty rooms. Menagerie typically never reached close to max capacity, so the fact several rooms had wound in it at all was a shock. The furthest room was surrounded by guards . The only thing in their way being Yang.

One guard in particular, a man with a faded scar on his right eye, confronted the blonde. “For the hundredth time, step aside.”

“You know I would’ve thought the third time I said no would be enough to get the point across. Ninety seven more times feels obsessive.”

“Ma’am if you continue this behavior then-”

Blake called the guard’s “Saber!” They all turned to the approaching leader and former leader. “What’s this about?”

“Blake! You scared me half to death!”

“Madam, your friend refuses to let us in and restrain the terrorist.”

“Restrain? He couldn’t even see last time I saw him. I’m shocked he made it on life support.”

“Be that as it may, he’s far too dangerous to be left unrestrained. Once he no longer needs treatment he will be locked up and tried-”

“He’s not going to jail.” Blake said calmly. No surprise that everyone looked at her like she said something crazy. By all means it was. “The world thinks he’s dead. Let’s keep it that way.”

“Keep it that way? He’s wanted everywhere; terrorized everywhere! We can’t simply keep that under wraps Mrs. Belladonna.”

“Said who?” Blake challenged, standing up straight. “The world already has its story and as far as I’m concerned, it’s pound of flesh as well. That hell we found him in was worse than anything a judge could pass onto him. Besides, people would get unrest learning he’s alive after everything that happened.”

“That doesn’t change anything! His name causes panic and discourse regardless if people think he’s dead. All the lives he’s uprooted, the divide. A beating-”

“Saber.” Blake’s voice cut through the air like her blade, demanding attention. “Do not try to preach to me about the people he’s hurt. I’m well aware.”

“That’s…I didn’t…” Saber bit his tongue. Yang put her hand on the man’s shoulder.

“Take it from me, you’re not going to persuade her.”

Blake walked to the door and faced all the guards. Their mixed emotions plain to see and obvious frustration. “All of you have protected the people and my family more times than I can count. You’re always dependable. I trust you. However, I can’t just ask you to keep this a secret; I’m ordering you to, as High Leader. Wash your hands of it completely.

Saber and others were stunned. “You can’t…Ghira, you’re just going to let her do that!? That’s a blatant abuse of power!”

“Calm down Saber. It’s true that I would never use status like this and I would advise my daughter to tread lightly with that title, but I have no more power than you here. Let’s all just…discuss the details later. For now I don’t see the point in alarming everyone about our…our patient.”

“Your patient, not mine or the guards.” Saber and the guards began to take their leave. “But we will not say a word, per the High Leader’s orders. However, I expect that man to be in one of our cells discreetly. Once he heals of course. Discussing his fate means nothing right now.”

Blake kept any remarks she had about that condition, choosing to bow instead. “I appreciate your cooperation.” She rose, not expecting a reply. “Yang, thank you.”

“Don’t mention it. I was only around in the first place because I wanted a check up.” Yang rubbed her stomach. “Looks like stubbornness runs in the family. Doctor says the little spitfire is perfectly fine. Embers are burning strong.”

“I’m glad to hear, honestly. Heh…Ember, that’s a good name.”

Yang chuckled. “Meh, too on the nose. But…I’ll give it thought. Sun was here earlier by the way. He took Jacquelyn to your home with Ilia. Those two weren’t exactly happy with the guards. Not to guilt trip you but Sun has been doing a lot without question. Love or not, you owe him.”

“She most certainly does.” Ghira piped up. “Your mother didn’t take the news well.”

Blake winced. Yang patted her back to offer any comfort. She never saw Kali angry before but if she was anything like Blake was on that mineshaft, then Sun was a real trooper. “Listen Blake, try to slow down for a while. For everyone’s sake.”

“I…sigh, yeah.”

“Good. Hate to tell you but I think I’m at the end of my rope. I’m spent.”

Blake frowned. It made sense, but it still hurt to hear. “I take it you’re leaving then? Sorry this trip wasn’t anything it was meant to be.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Yang smiled, pulling Blake into a hug. “I made up with my ex. Be safe, okay?”

“…Sure thing.” Blake’s arms tightened the hug. Funny, was Yang always this warm? Blake couldn’t remember. Maybe it’s just been far too long since they felt comfortable with each other. “Let me know Jaune’s reaction.”

“Oh I’m recording it.” Yang let go and walked away. However, she felt the need to look back at Adam’s door. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think we rescued the person we fought at Argus, but that doesn’t mean I think you’re right. Still, I hope you prove me wrong.” Yang waved goodbye and left. Hope wasn’t something she had for the situation. Nevertheless, if Blake called, Yang would answer. And who knows? Crazier things have happened. It made her wonder…

“Hmmm, I should talk to mom again.”

Blake couldn’t explain why Yang’s words calmed her nerves but it did. She gave her loving father a glance. “I should‘ve told you and mom from the start. I’m sorry.”

“Sigh, I’m not upset. Not anymore; I feared this secret was quietly terrifying you; that him being out there would give you unrest. I never expected you to come to his defense.”

“Do you think I’m being stupid?”

“Sweetheart, of course not. There’s not a day that I have thought that. However, recklessness and naïveté, no one is immune to those.”

“Dad, you’ve taught there’s strength in forgiveness; that it is infinitely harder to believe a person can change after they crossed so many lines. I…I can’t go around preaching that to others around the world if I don’t at least try once, really try. So…” Ghira placed his hand on her. His calm expression and gentle eyes locked with her as he nodded ever so slightly. Blake grabbed his hand and nodded back. “Watch the door.”

“Oh you were never going to stop me from doing that.” He smiled.

Blake let go, finally going inside. The shades were tilted to let in a bit of light; the windows tightly locked. There he was, the center of all of this, laying in a hospital bed. Adam’s face wasn’t swollen anymore. Now it was only covered in red and purple bruises. Monitors beeped steadily and he was hooked up like she was, but with the addition of a nasal cannula. Blake took a seat to unwind.

“I know you’re awake.” She watched Adam’s head turn to her and smirk. The man opened his tired eyes. Right of the back, Blake understood what Yang meant. “Hey…”

“Hey. You look a little rough there Blake.”

“Like you’re in a position to say that?”

“Heh, I always look rough. Now I just feel it too. Gotta admit, I’m shocked I cheated death again. How’s Jackie?”

“Seething or crying most likely, but safe.”

Adam let out a sigh of relief, sinking into his bed. “Good. I thought I heard her earlier but I wasn’t sure.” He noticed how tense Blake looked. Her ears were alert and posture rigid. “I take it you want answers?”

“No shit! What the hell happened? The last time I saw you was when both of you took off in an airship. Had I known you two were planning to hide in Menagerie’s desert…”

“Her idea, not mine. Though I gotta admit that it was pretty solid for the most part. Up until now anyways.”

“That’s what I don’t get. Out the blue, people with an axe to grind come knocking on your door and-”

“They weren’t here for me.” Adam interjected, sitting up slowly. “Blake, Menagerie is ground zero for White Fang. They came looking for anyone they wrote off as a beast who needed correcting. Plans changed though once they found me.”

Blake’s eyes widened. That thought never crossed her mind but it made sense. Plenty of old White Fang members chose to stay here. If they saw Ilia as a beast then of course they would look here. It was only by coincidence that she was in Vacou helping.

“You’d be surprised how many people actually try sneaking onto the island from the desert. Most don’t last while others are more persistent. One day Jackie went off to town and that’s when they showed up. That had to have planned it because the timing was too perfect and the numbers were too heavy for infiltration. The house was surrounded and I was in bed.”

“They caught you off guard, of all people ?”

“Things have been quiet for years. I don’t go into town so yeah, I wasn’t expecting karama to open the door like it opened the place.”

“We were inside the house. There wasn’t a sign of a struggle whatsoever.”

“Because I went quietly.”

“Why!?” Blake stood up forcefully. “It makes no sense! You’d sooner die than let anyone capture you. I don’t care how many years it’s been.”

“…heh, you’re not wrong. Truthfully, I was ready to slaughter as many as possible. But…the house would’ve been obliterated; and Jackie would’ve come back to a literal dead beat. Did she tell you that she’s pregnant?”

“You knew!?” Blake gasped, “She said she didn’t tell you yet.”

“The house is only so big. Jackie is bad at hiding her feelings and items, like a pregnancy test. Even without it, things were obvious. I’m with her constantly.”

Blake took her seat again. Now things were fitting together. “You left to protect her.”

“More or less. I don’t know, that’s giving me too much credit. I did leave for her safety but also to keep myself alive a bit longer. I never doubted that she would look for me. Involving you though… I guess her pregnancy was more of a hurdle than I thought. Jackie never wants help.”

“She was a mess when I found her in my house.”

“Like I said, she doesn’t hide emotions well. So, I doubt I have to tell you anything else. You saw where I ended up. Is Sobek dead?”

Blake clicked her tongue and narrowed her eyes. “I can’t say. The mineshaft was sealed but that’s all I know, and we both know that no body doesn’t mean death. ”

“Hehehe.”

“How could you laugh at that!? It’s not funny. I’m so sick and tired of….ugh, I don’t even know what’s pissing me off anymore!” Blake put her head in her hands.”

“…Things would’ve been easier if I died that day, huh?”

“YES! I mean…no, I…what are you doing!? What’s the angle!? Why is everything connected to you just a spit in the face to me!?” Blake got up again, tears running like a river. “All things you’ve done to me, the bonds you tested, I should feel nothing but anger for what you’ve done to me; yet the day I learned you were still alive was a weight off my chest. I wanna tell myself I don’t care but even now I’m happy to see you actually speak to me in earnest. You didn’t believe in my dream, my beliefs, and this entire mess not only proved I’ve actually done nothing so far, but also that I’m clueless to what’s happening in my own home! Despite all that…I ran to you. Adam I killed for you. Sobek was made because of you and yet I felt anger deep inside I never had before. I was borderline feral! Yet here I am, upset at myself because I’m buying into every little prayer that I have about believing you are changing as a person and aren’t playing the two people in this world that actually want you alive!” Her lungs burned immensely.

Adam watched her eyes constrict and her body shook violently, yet just as Blake said, her eyes didn’t hold the rage he once had. They could never hold it. Adam bit down on his lip, straining his body to get out of bed. The stitches on him bled while his legs barely kept him up. Forgiveness was unthinkable to ask for. There wasn’t much he could say that wouldn’t sound wrong or halfhearted. Still, saying nothing now was not an option.

“Blake…” he leaned forward, falling actually; gently onto Blake who caught him. “Thank you for having hope. As for that anger, it’s proof you’re different from me, Jacquelyn, Sobek, and anyone like us. Righteous fury, to truly be angry for someone else’s circumstance, it’s why people follow you; why they will continue to follow you. Why…I’ll follow you.”

Blake hadn’t realized it until now, but she was still trying to keep calm; to let the turmoil inside her subside, but now…she couldn’t. Not after that. Her legs gave, falling to the floor with Adam. The tears she thought were running free rushed out twice as hard as Blake audibly began to cry her heart out, gripping Adam’s clothes.

“Please…I’m begging you…” She sobbed heavily. “Let this be real.”

He finally put his arms around her, unsure of all his actions. “I swear.”

Words weren’t enough, but a foundation needed to start somewhere. Against many opinions, Blake chose to believe in his words. It was far too late to turn back now. The tidal wave of emotions that festered inside had finally run its course. Blake couldn’t say she felt better right now, but she didn’t feel worse. A small victory, but one nonetheless. All the tension Blake had made her fail to notice the rummaging outside the door. Suddenly it swung open, startling Blake to her feet. In just a single blink, a blur of black and white dashed behind Adam. It was the girl that was near him in the desert.

Ghira rushed in. “Sorry! I tried stopping her, but she barreled her way through.” He looked at the hospital gowned girl who growled and quivered behind Adam. “Do you…know this girl?”

“I guess you can say that. She was in the mines too.”

“Oh. I’m sorry to hear that little one. If that’s the case then having you run around might be dangerous if you aren’t healthy.” Ghira took a step and the tiger faunus ducked behind Adam in fear, shaking. He took a couple steps back. “Poor child. I can’t imagine how she’s feeling right now. Does she…have a family?”

Adam was about to speak but small hands gripped his shirt. Jasmine made no effort to speak. She simply stood there, her eyes vacant and almost dead. She would’ve been nonexistent if not for the fact they were all looking right at her.

“Can she speak?” Ghira asked.

“She can, or at least could.” Adam reached for her. The child’s eyes softened slightly, her ears falling down when his hand rested on her head. Jasmine’s eyes shut tight and she began whimpering. Tears trickled down dark sunburned cheeks.”

“I can’t imagine what happened in that place, but it appears someone got attached.”

“She snuck past guards to speak to me several times. As well as stopped them all from branding me with another scar. Both her parents and her brother…didn’t make it.”

Blake could only ache for the child. To have lost so much so early on. It was clear to see why Adam would be drawn to her. “What’s her name?”

“It’s-”

“Sienna.” Jasmine said, breaking her silence and shocking everyone. “My name, it’s Sienna.” Her voice was meek and a bit dry. The lie came naturally, almost like instinct. However, it didn’t feel like a lie. Not to her, or to Adam. An unspoken acknowledgment happened when their eyes met, a sad truth and new reality. Back in the mineshaft in that cruel cell, there may have only been one body, but two people died there. A brother and sister that loved each other to the end. The girl he rescued was not the one who got imprisoned; nor would it ever be.

“That’s right.” Adam uttered, lamenting the deaths brought by his own past arrogance. “Her name is Sienna.”

[firemblem-fics]

SFW alphabet. | seteth

-> Pairing: Seteth x GN!Reader

-> Warnings: None

-> Genre: Fluff, Headcanons

-> A/N: this was chosen by a poll on my discord server except i gave no context in the poll so this is for y’all :) also uh im sorry if i’m not active in the next week, i rlly just had the absolute worst nervous breakdown ive had in a long while LMAO so uh ya might stay away from the internet for a while

warning, long post.

A -> Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

with seteth, affection STAYS private. it will never ever be displayed out in the open, especially not around the students. he prefers to keep personal relationships out of professional life

when he does show affection, though, it’s super slow and gentle. he always hugs you from behind and just sways side to side, pressing little kisses against your temple and cheek while you lean i to his embrace and close your eyes.

B -> Begin (How did the relationship begin?)

it didn’t really have a solid beginning. you just kind of wormed your way into seteth and flayn’s hearts unknowingly. when he asked to court you, you were super super hesitant because you didn’t want to replace his late wife. he assured you that she’d want him and flayn to be happy and that she’d 100% approve of you.

you still have your doubts, but seteth is always there to reassure you.

C -> Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How do they cuddle?)

cuddling is saved for nights or early mornings on a day off. seteth is always itching to get up and get things done, so it’s a little on the tougher side to get him to stay. eventually he caves and lays in.

you cuddle facing each other, your head tucked underneath his chin and his legs entangling yours. his hand that lays underneath you plays with the ends of your hair while the other rests gently on your thigh, which is hiked over his hip.

D -> Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How good are they at cooking and cleaning?)

seteth’s thoughts rarely every go astray, but when they do, he imagines what life would be like, just retiring from the monastery and living a nice life with you. he’d like to settle down eventually, but not any time soon

he’s super good at doing his part in chores and duties! of course he is, but he’s very very reliable and does things when asked. it’s nice

E -> Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

he would sit you down and explain his reasonings and such. it hurts him, definitely, but he does well at hiding it. until you leave his office, that is.

F -> Fiancé(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quickly would they want to get married?)

not any time soon, as said earlier. seteth really will not stop his obligations towards the monastery and to fodlan. he wouldn’t have time nor would he want a very extravagant wedding, either. a simple ceremony would suffice.

G -> Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

physically, seteth is the epitome of a soft, romantic man. his touches make you melt and he’s always trying to keep you comfortable and happy. if you’re content, hes content.

emotionally, not as much. seteth has trouble sympathizing with some things. he’s used to pushing his feelings aside for the sake of fulfilling a duty or doing something, so he struggles sometimes to understand why someone else can’t do the same. give him time, though, and he’ll get better at comforting

H -> Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

seteth’s hugs are firm and warm. they’re always like a passionate embrace, as if it would be the last time he’d ever touch you

seteth really enjoys hugs and physical affection with you, but as i said earlier, it’s always behind closed doors. sometimes he calls you to his office just so you can sit in his lap while he holds you.

I -> I Love You (How fast do they say the L-word?)

NOT fast. seteth is kind of in denial that he even had feelings for you at first until flayn pointed it out, so it’s rather hard for him to wrap his head around the fact that he loves you.

he does say it first though, as you’re half asleep, making you wonder if you even heard it correctly. you did.

J -> Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

seteth doesn’t get jealous, really. there’s really nobody around to even like, make him jealous. he knows that a bunch of weird ass teenagers like sylvain aren’t going to actually come in between his and your relationship. honestly, most people in the monastery probably don’t even know that you’re both in a relationship.

if he is jealous, he stays relatively nonchalant about it, asking you to help him with a task somewhere else to take you away from the person

K -> Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

seteth’s kisses are very loving and passionate. every single one of them are full of adoration, even the little pecks. they never fail to warm up your entire body as everything melts away around you

he loves to kiss your neck. not just for more intimate reasons, but because he absolutely adores your giggles as his beard tickles your skin

this only happens when your relationship has been going on for a while, but seteth really enjoys it when you kiss his ears. they’re super sensitive and they always tinge as red as his cheeks when you kiss them.

L -> Little Ones (How are they around children?)

seteth is super good around his own child, of course, but he doesn’t so so hot around other children. theyre often too rambunctious for his liking, but he’ll tolerate them enough to entertain them sometimes.

M -> Mornings (How are mornings spent with them?)

three words. soft, soft, and soft

you usually either wake up in the same position that you fell asleep in, or you’re spooning. seteth’s always the big spoon, no acceptions. if you’re spooning, he kisses your shoulders and the back of your head until you wake up enough to turn over and give him an actual kiss.

N -> Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

also soft, but a little less.

seteth is always so busy during the day that when he lays in bed, he falls asleep almost instantaneously. if you want to stay up and talk or cuddle, he’ll try his hardest, but please don’t be upset with him if he accidentally dozes off. he’s a hard worker

O -> Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything at once or wait to reveal things slowly?)

this depends on who you are. if you’re the professor, you more than likely already know everything by the time you get in a relationship with him

if you’re not, then he trusts you enough to catch you up on most things in the early weeks of your relationship. sometimes there’s a little tidbit that he may have forgotten to mention in the talk that comes up later on, but that’s really it

P -> Patience (How easily angered are they?)

seteth has the patience of a saint

hehe

but no, literally. very rarely does he get irritated or impatient with you. you know how he is and know how he likes things to happen or be done, so you do them. kind of like in the Domestic headcanon, he does his part so you try your hardest to do yours. he doesn’t ever have a reason to be impatient with you and is actually rather understanding now that he knows how you function as well

Q -> Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

seteth remembers everything. literally everything. you’d think in his 1000+ years of life, he’d be an old ass man with shit memory, but no. to seteth, you and flayn are his number one priority and he’d never forget a thing about yall.

R -> Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

seteth’s favorite memory is when he accidentally walked in on you hanging out flayn. you two weren’t doing much other than reading and talking about your books, but it warmed his heart to see his two favorite people bonding

S -> Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

insanely protective, but like in things that matter. if you’re doing something that could get you hurt, he’s in defense mode trying to get you to safety. if you’re in battle, he’s sure to always know where you are just in case.

he’s not one to appreciate being protected- he feels like he failed to protect his people in the past, so to be the protected instead of the protector makes him a little iffy- but he’ll always admit that he needed the protection and will always show his gratitude

count how many times i said protect in that second paragraph wow

T -> Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, etc?)

seteth is romantic. he’s not much for physical gifts, but the memories and sentiment and feelings are so real and present that you really don’t need material things to know that he loves you

of course he does give you gifts, like a pretty bouquet of flowers that he saw in the greenhouse, or a necklace or something from the market that reminded him of you

U -> Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

seteth tends to forget to slow down and take a break every once in a while. he’s constantly finding tasks to do around the monastery and doing things to help rhea that he often neglects his own well being. you always remind him and try your best to help him out, but he never really breaks that habit

V -> Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks? Do your looks bother them?)

seteth is rather concerned about how he’s seen in the public eye. how could he not? he’s a very prim and proper man. this, however, doesnt extend to you as much.

he doesn’t expect you to dress up to the nines every day just to be seen around him or whatever. he may be like “darling, are you sure you want to be walking around the monastery in your pajamas?” but the minute you’re like “hell yeah” he lets you be.

W -> Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

this is a tough one, because i feel like seteth would do just fine on his own and would still feel relatively whole. but there would always be like this tiny little sliver of him that constantly misses you when you’re not around

X -> Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

seteth has a secret, super playful side that only comes out when you’re alone in your shared bedroom. he likes to play wrestle you and mess around just to hear your laugh and see you smile.

Y -> Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, in general or in a partner?)

in a partner, seteth wouldn’t really like someone who’s obnoxiously loud and blatantly disrespectful. it’s one of his biggest pet peeves and he wouldn’t date someone like that.

this doesn’t pertain to people who like, don’t realize their volume or is disrespectful to someone who deserves the disrespect, though. he doesn’t like just overly rude and jnconfiderate people who are like that for no reason

Z -> Zzz (What’s a sleep habit of theirs? Does it change around a partner?)

seteth is the lightest sleeper in the history of the world. he’s always on guard for something to happen. i dont blame him, but sometimes even the littlest bumps in the night wake him up almost completely. don’t ever try to sneak out of bed because chances are, he woke up from you just opening your eyes.

if anything, this habit becomes even more prominent when you start sharing a bed with him. he’s just afraid of losing you is all 😃

[221bshrlocked]

IV. Fixing

Pretend You Don’t See Her! Masterlist

Pairing: Mob!Sebastian x Reader

Words: 2471

Warnings: Some swearing. Slow burn.

A/N: Let me know if you want to be tagged in the masterlist post. And please comment, like and reblog and tell me how I’m doing. I am in constant need of assurance. This is not beta’d. I’ll reblog with the tags later.

Previous Part | Next Part

Sebastian made sure every one of his men knew what to say to Chris when he came in. It was something along the lines of  “Sebastian will beat the living shit out of you if he got a glimpse of your stupid fucking blonde hair.” He was past angry. He was furious, livid, fucking seething. This was no coincidence and he couldn’t believe it even if it was. But there was no way she just happened to be interviewed and hired here. And he knew Chris had something to do with this because he never told Tony once to hire someone without first seeing him. And ultimately, as much as he hated it, he wasn’t the type of person to get second chances. Life was never this nice to him.

Sebastian spent the entire night in his office, pacing back and forth until his phone rang, signaling him to go to the other bar for a quick deal with one of his partners. He had left by himself yet again, knowing he would most likely punch someone in the teeth if they breathed the wrong way. By the time he was done, he was on his way back home when he realized he forgot his keys in his office. Swearing into the early hours of the day, he walked back to his office, his head hanging low the entire time. He didn’t pay attention to anything or anyone, his mind trying to come up with something to say to you when he saw you next. 

He waved at his men when they tried to say something to him, heading to his office so he could leave before his tongue got him into trouble again. Fishing his keys out of his desk drawer, he was about to exit the office when he ran into someone, the hot liquid running down his chest snapping him out of his haze. He was about to yell when he saw you standing in front of him, eyes widening in horror at what had just transpired and before he could say anything, you were kneeling down and making sure he didn’t step on any of the broken pieces.

“I- oh god, I am so sorry sir, please. I...I didn’t think you’d be coming out of your office so soon and- and I was told to bring you your usual coffee and shit, I’m so sorry sir please, I- I’ll clean this up right away just d-” You were close to crying, not knowing how this could possibly happen on your first day. You looked up and saw his expression fall and you prepared yourself for the onslaught of insults. Quickly grabbing your towel, you were about to ask him if his chest was burned when his voice came out like a growl. 

“Stand up.” He ordered, his eyes piercing your own and finding it insulting that you were yet to listen to him. “Stand. Up.” Sebastian bellowed and you shivered at the outburst, continuing to stare up at him. You noticed his jaws tense, his eyes taking you in before he shook his head and left. 

“Fucking hell,” he muttered right before he turned the corner, leaving you a sad and confused mess. You were still cleaning up the floor when Tony walked by, silently questioning what happened. You didn’t know what to say. Technically it wasn’t your fault but you couldn’t say it was his fault either. So you just stared at him and promised him it will never happen again and that he could take the cost of the mug out of your paycheck. Tony smiled at you and shook his head, telling you it was probably just the first day jitters and that you should watch yourself the next time so you didn’t get hurt. 

As much as you tried not to think about that little mishap of an encounter with him, you couldn’t stop playing the event over and over again, cringing and swearing at yourself because for some odd reason, you still thought he was kind and slightly misunderstood and maybe he was just having a bad day. You hadn’t seen him for a couple of hours and when he finally came back, you were too busy bringing out drinks and cleaning the tables. When the orders died out just a bit, you stood at the back of the lounge next to one of the bouncers, Mark, chatting him up and asking him about the singer on the stage. He’d said something funny about Tony attempting to sing one night and almost getting kicked by Scarlett, the woman on the stage. But when your eyes turned to the room again, you saw Sebastian sitting in one of the corners, his eyes trapping you for a moment before you decided you should get back to work. Quickly thanking Mark for the break, you made your way back to the middle of the room, pretending you weren’t aware of the set of eyes following your every movement.

“Come on Y/N, you need to have eyes on the back of your head.” Tony brushed past you and when you were about to ask him what he meant, he pointed towards the table Sebastian was sitting on. You apologized and set the rest of the drinks down quickly, making your way over to the corner table. 

“G-good evening sir. What would you like to have?” You smiled at the two men standing behind him, your heart rate slowly decreasing when one nodded at you while the other returned your smile. 

You. Sebastian almost replied. When he saw just how nervous you were around him, he looked away and grabbed a few bills, sliding them towards you before ordering a cup of coffee. You took the money and placed it in your pocket before looking towards the other men.

“Would you like to drink anything?” You asked them and almost laughed at the obvious surprise etched on their faces. When neither of them responded, Sebastian crossed his legs and told them they were free to drink anything non-alcoholic. They both ordered sodas and were about to pay when Sebastian stopped them.

“It’s more than enough.” He pointed at your pocket and you nodded, walking away to get them some drinks. You went to Tony and asked him what it was you were supposed to do with the rest of the money to which Tony laughed and told you that was your tip. You gawked at the change left before grabbing the drinks and walking back. After you set them down, you reached into your pockets and set the rest of his money on the table.

“What’s this?”

“It’s your change sir.” You responded instantly, watching his expression go from quizzical to slightly entertained.

“I didn’t ask for it back.” He crossed his arms, smiling up at you as he took a sip from his coffee.

“And I refuse to take it on my first day.” The hint of anger in your tone made one of the men smile while the other’s eyes widened because did you just talk back to your employer? You didn’t care, however, because he may be your boss but you weren’t a charity case. Not giving him a chance to respond, you stomped away from the table, not looking at that corner of the lounge until the end of your shift. 

As you were finishing up, you felt someone standing near you. Turning around, you were surprised to see him waiting patiently until you acknowledged him. 

“I’m sorry sir, I’m not one to take another girl’s table.” You said, referring to one of the other waitresses who served his table after you left. You were pretty sure he wasn’t here to order anything but you didn’t feel like talking to him, afraid you’d say something that might get you fired, or worse.  You could tell he was about to respond but he held back, nodding before heading towards Tony.

For a second, you thought they were looking at you as they were discussing something. It was probably just your mind playing tricks on you though. 

You went to the backroom to change and grab your stuff to head home, hoping you wouldn’t run into him on your way out. But as soon as you exited the room, you saw Sebastian leaning against the wall, one hand ringing the rings on the other as soon as you stepped out and shut the door behind you.

“I- I wanted to...tell you that I’m- fuck, sorry I’m not g-good at this. Shit, I wanted to get this right and I don’t even know your name.” You were completely taken aback by the sudden shift in his demeanor. Hours ago he was swearing and yelling at you but now he was barely getting out a proper sentence. He combed back his hair and you almost sighed at the oddly attractive nervous tick.

“Y/N. My name is Y/N.” You never looked away from him and smiled shyly to try and put him at ease. 

“Y/N.” The barely audible whisper of your name sent butterflies into your stomach and you unintentionally leaned forward into him. You were surprised when he mirrored your actions and leaned forward, slowly taking your hand in his before bringing it up to his lips. Maintaining eye contact with you, he kissed your knuckles and smiled up at you.

“Well Y/N, I wanted to apologize for the way I spoke last night, and for how I acted in the morning. My anger was...misplaced. And you didn’t deserve to be treated this way.” Sebastian spoke softly, and refused to let go of your hand even when he saw how slightly flushed you were from the intimate touch.

“It- it’s okay sir. I’m just a waitress. Nothing important.” You kept on staring at the way he was holding your hand, eyebrows furrowing when he tightened his grip and pulled you towards him. 

“Not to me,” was all he said before he reluctantly let go of you, his eyes shamelessly shifting to your parted lips before returning to your surprised orbs. “I wanted to tell you that I told Tony it was my fault in the morning, not yours.”

“Oh sir you didn’t have to-”

“Yes I did. And you’ll be happy to know that he said nothing but nice things about your first day. And I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable with the tip. Ask any girl here and they’ll tell you I do that with all of’em. Not just you.” He only got a nod out of you, but it was all he needed to know you weren’t offended anymore. 

“And please, call me Sebastian.” 

“Sir I don’t think I’ll be able to do that.” You turned away from him, looking at the floor and hoping he wouldn’t notice just how much he was affecting you. But then he stepped closer to you and raised your chin so he could look at you.

“Please.” 

You weren’t sure what it was that made you lose all control of your brain. All you knew was that he was looking at you like you were the only thing important to him and that he was close to begging you.

“Anything for you.” You whispered back, flushing under his gaze when he smiled at you and let go of your chin. “You’re going to regret saying that sweetheart.” 

That seemed to snap you out of your haze, stepping away from his distracting scent and his warm touch to have some semblance of control on your body.

“I- I didn’t mean it t-that way-”

“Taking it back already?” Sebastian snuck his hands into his pocket, raising his eyebrows at your obvious flustered reactions.

“I’ll call you that only when we’re alone.” You were proud you didn’t stutter through that sentence but then he chuckled and leaned against the wall again.

“Oh you wanna be alone with me love?” Sebastian knew he was making it worse but he couldn’t get enough of your obvious embarrassment. When he saw you turning around to walk towards the exit, he ran after you and grabbed your wrist, stopping you before you got around the corner. 

“I’m sorry. I’m only kidding sweetheart.” He tried to get you to smile at him again but when he realized he may have pushed you a little more than he intended, he let go and stepped away.

“Good night Y/N. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He waited, hoping that you would respond to him so he could leave instead of staying and teasing you even more.

“Good night Sebastian,” you said before quickly making your way past the exit, leaving a very content Sebastian in the hallway. He walked back to his office and threw himself on his chair, smiling like a lovesick puppy until he realized he was going to have to, not only confront Chris, but also thank him. As much as he hated him right now, he couldn’t not tell him that his advice worked. He still didn’t know how he didn’t punch his friend in the face when he saw him on his way out in the morning. Chris had miraculously managed to talk him down, telling him he should just go back and apologize for the way he was treating you. And Sebastian was going to do that but then Chris told him to go home and change so he could look semi-presentable when he did finally grow a set and apologized to you. 

It was only later when it finally clicked and Sebastian knew that, at some point, he needed to ask Chris how he knew he misspoke towards you. He wasn’t in the lounge the previous night or that morning so someone must have blabbed to him, which only meant that Chris made sure everyone knew to text him should anything arise between the two of you.

But Chris’ advice seemed to work apparently. He thought he’d need to buy you flowers or something else but when he spoke with Tony once he came back, Tony told him that he was pretty sure you weren’t the type to need any of that. All she wants is to be respected is what he said, right after calling Sebastian a dick, which he wasn’t wrong about.

All Sebastian needed to do now was to control his thoughts, and frankly his reactions and little outbursts, around you, which from the way you said his name, wasn’t going to be an easy task. But he was a patient man. He could wait, he could protect you from himself for a little while longer. The only problem was, would he be able to keep pretending now that he knew he affected you almost as much as you affected him?

[beautifulphoenixdoll]

CENTER OF HOPE

I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am ashamed to say that, and I shouldn’t be. I never judge anyone else or anyone else’s diagnosis. I did not ask for this condition. But I have it, like several millions who have mental health illnesses. For the first time in the history of the human species Mental Health is being discussed amongst each other openly in much more public avenues. That being said, I feel it is my due diligence to use my voice, and share what it has been like to live with Borderline Personality Disorder. Imagine a blister, fragile to the touch, prone to infection, with just a thin layer of skin protecting your insides from being exposed to collecting dirt or other bacteria that cause a fatal infection if untreated. A borderline female is a beautiful and chaotic thing. On one hand we tend to be the most loving, creative, sensitive, thoughtful, and compassionate beings. On the other we have spent our lives taking in messages and our surroundings and using them against ourselves, feeling controlled by our emotions, afraid of our own brains and the places our thoughts can lead us to. A common thread is that we mostly we have spent our lives in SO much pain. Pain that I would not wish on my worst enemy. Pain that a razor or blade soothe, for a blades sharp edge doesn’t even come close to how we are feeling inside but is sharp enough to distract us from the pain within. We are known to seek attention at any cost. Starving ourselves, or overeating. Whether its selling our bodies, offering our bodies, or treating our own like nothing more then a sexual object we seek the comfort of someone elses to let us know we are alright, that we are indeed desired, that we can be “loved”. Because we hate the skin were in. Because having someone’s hand on us even if it is just for a night means we don’t have to be alone.  Being Alone is the scariest place to be. Alone the pain is magnified and something that would rub a non bpd the wrong way could make us feel like we want to end it all and just die. We convince ourselves that living—living is just too hard, and that this pain…. This all consuming pain that cripples us physically, emotionally, spiritually—I  mean all around-- will never end. There are times where we see clearly. Those are the times we are happy to be alive. We get another day to enjoy the sun that beams brightly on our faces—you can see when were happy, when we are in love, when we believe in something positive and strongly—you will never question how we feel—for we cannot hide it… we are open souls and we are open hearted and the least judgemental creatures that are seeking to be understood while trying to understand our own sense of self. That is where Borderline Personality gets tricky--- especially young borderlines because our brains, sense of time, and worldly knowledge are still so far from being fully developed. Not only do we have a lot to learn but we have to learn it while our brain is on fire. And that is the thing—I Spent most of my life fighting my BPD symptoms on top of just trying to have a life, go to school, make friends, be a good daughter and sister, and girlfriend… and it was all just too much to take on. A simple task became the end of the world for me--- no one would ask someone to stitch up a hole on the back of their jeans while they were stuck in their house that was on fire surrounded by flames… they would tell them to get out. And that is how I felt—entitled to get out, in any way, any shape, or form… I just had to get out of my brain.  But in the moment how do you explain that to someone who doesn’t understand that sewing up a hole with needle and thread pushes you off the edge? And that was what it was like when I was emotionally dysregulated. I was and can be a DANGER to myself. I wouldn’t harm a fly-a rat-a mouse, but I am the most LETHAL when it comes to myself, and myself only. Some of us break things, I did. But only to demonstrate the rage that built up inside of me. Only to show people that inside I am indeed hurting to this amount. The desire to be understood, or for someone to tell us that they too feel similarly—is so needed and helpful in the most profound way. I say this because without meeting the wonderful human beings I have met in treatment facilities suffering from BPD or other mental health diagnosis—all with gifts and challenges and a battle to fight of their own-- I would never EVER have the courage to come forward and share my experience.

It is in breaking my anonymity that I want to share with everyone that suffers with a mental health diagnosis that you are not alone. That you have nothing to be ashamed of, and that you can have a healthy and productive life with a recovery plan. Mental Health Treatment is much like attending AA—you need a DAILY reprieve to battle your condition. Without a treatment plan, without the proper and continuous and regimented medication (if needed), therapy, support system, and schedule you will have a much rougher time combating whatever youre facing. Not only is mental health a booming topic of discussion but the field itself is growing in ways that are remarkable. I spent so long fighting my diagnosis, fighting the treatment, fighting taking medication, fighting was recommended because I did not want to have my diagnosis. I did not want to believe I was in a category of people that needed pills to function normally—but how many people take medication every day to make sure their bones stay strong, or help with their lactose intolerant problems?

Everyday I wake up and re commit to another day of making sure my mental health is my number one priority—and the first thing I do is reminding myself that I ACCEPT myself for everything that I am. That I am not my diagnosis but that I indeed have Borderline. With practice and effort the things that once seemed so heavy no longer are, but only because I have been attending a diagnostic program where I have been able to set up a structured schedule that I will maintain after leaving. I noticed that If I sleep at the same time and wake at the same time, I am a different person. I noticed that with daily physical exercise even if it means walking for an hour I feel much better about myself and my body stays energized. Meditation is so crucial. As long as I meditate once a day in the morning my entire day tends to go positively. I have become a huge fan of DBT. I was not always a fan- especially as an adolescent --- oh how against it I once was… The workbook and concepts that were (this is putting it lightly) mundane, boring, and militant are what my mind craves. I love the structure-I love what it has given back to me.

The young girl who was so terrified of herself and her own brain knows that feelings are just feelings—I mean I always understood that saying but I never had any control of my own feelings—I was a runner. You couldn’t get me to sit still, or spend an evening alone with having a complete meltdown EVER. I am so strong now that I laugh at that—I laugh because I am free. I am smiling as I write this because I know that I have the skills to face things, have done so here at lidner. I smashed the fear of having to sit through things, to get through things on my own that used to CONSUME me WHOLE—and now do it happily because that means that I AM in control not the other way around. Lindner and DBT has given me, myself back. There is not a better gift once can receive after being lost for so long.  I keep thinking gosh I want to share it with everyone—I feel like ive been given this secret remedy--- so I have never been more excited to start my life, to give back, to try and help others who are still struggling  battling themselves, their brains, their emotions this wonderful tool that not only has saved my life but has also given me myself back.

Can I say it again: I am in control of my emotions- I can sit with them- I can stay self regulated- I can challenge my thoughts and not be afraid- I handle crisis’ without making things worse and I definitely without a doubt have more better days then bad ones. Who would have ever thought this would happen? It surely feels like a dream, but its happened since January 7th 2021—and it will continue to happen because Ive been given the key, and its not going anywhere else except for in my daily routine.

[sunmoonandeddie]

little ballerina (3/16)

pairing: peter parker x reader

word count: 2,330

summary: After The Snap was reversed and the world went back to normal, Natasha Romanov had one request of her team: to infiltrate and destroy the Red Room.

chapter warnings: Possible swearing?

masterlist

a/n:  Ba da ba ba da ba.

All you could hear was the beeping.  The incessant, never ending beeping of all things.  You whimpered softly as you tried to move, finding a searing pain in your abdomen and your head.  I'm just... gonna lay here a little longer, you thought.  You were surprised that Madame B hadn't forced you awake by now.  After all, there was no time for sleeping in.  Especially not after...

Despite your pain, you shot up as your eyes popped open, taking in the area around you.  The heart monitor you were attached to started beeping a lot faster as you looked for exits.  It went completely silent as you ripped the IVs from your arms.  You got down from the bed, ignoring the pain in your legs as you began to run.  Anything to get out of here.  But when you reached the doorway, it hit you.

This isn't the Red Room.

You heard several different sets of footsteps running towards you and felt a panic rise in your throat as you saw a dark-haired man and a woman with striking red hair running towards you.  Others were following after but they were first in line.  You bolted in the other direction, looking for some sort of staircase.  Both walls were lined with windows as you ran down the hallway, passing different doorways.  You knew that the stairs would be somewhere towards the end...  There!

"She's heading for the stairs," you heard one of the people behind you shout as you pushed open the door.

You were flying down the stairs when you suddenly found yourself in front of a young man.  You didn't have time to analyze him, get his fighting style.  You launched into action, instincts taking over as your fists went flying.

"Woah, woah, woah!  Hey!  I'm not trying to hurt you!"

You ignored him as you flipped him over, subduing him enough to keep running down the stairs.  You could see the end in sight.  There was only one door at the bottom of the stairs and you prepared yourself for whatever was waiting for you.  You threw the door open with a bang, side stepping the giant man with a hammer.  You glanced backward in surprise as you kept running.  You don't think you'd ever seen that large of a man in your entire life.

"No.  Focus.  Find an exit," you whispered as you looked around you.  People were running at you from all directions but you couldn't take the time to fight all of them off.  You were good, but this was their territory.  They knew every nook and cranny of this building and that gave them a major advantage.  Your eyes landed on a bunch of glass windows and figured it was your best shot.  Your bare feet slapped against the cold tile of the floor as you bolted for them.  With a simple jump and hook kick the glass was shattering in front of you.  You ignored the glass shards that lodged themselves in your feet, continuing to run.  You were just a few feet away from the green grass and just a few yards away from the forest when you felt yourself being slammed to the ground, cold metal wrapping around your throat.

A man with long brown hair was holding you down with what looked to be a metal arm, straddling you to keep you from moving.  "Stand down."  When you ignored him and kept squirming, he pressed you further into the dirt.  The tendrils of grass pricked your neck.  "Vstan'."

Your eyes narrowed and you spit at him.  "Idi k chertu."

But he continued to hold you down as the people you had seen before caught up with you.  The red-headed woman seemed vaguely familiar as she crouched down next to you.  You fixed her with an icy glare as you laid there being observed like a damn animal.

Your gaze shifted to the man with curly brown hair as he walked forward, holding a syringe with clear liquid.  Shaking, you began to thrash about, screaming out for anyone that would hear you.  "No!  No!  No!  Let me go!"  You shouted, your voice hoarse and cracking.  Tears began to fill your eyes as the man pushed the needle into your arm, the clear liquid making its way through your veins.  You felt the metal arm let go as your vision faded and someone picked up your limp body, carrying you back to the room you had just come from.

There was the beeping again.  A frown worked its way onto your face as you slowly opened your eyes.  You were hooked up to all the machines again, but now there were cuffs to hold you in place.  Cursing under your breath, you took the time to take in the room around you.  You hadn't exactly gotten a chance to last time.  It was a proper hospital room you were in, but from your brief escape, you knew that this place wasn't a hospital.  For one, no one was wearing white coats or scrubs.

"You're awake."

You turned to look at the red-headed woman from before sitting in a chair next to your bed.  She was easily one of the most beautiful women that you'd ever seen in your entire life.  Her green eyes were watching you just as closely, like she was looking for a sign of something.

"Are you really not going to talk to me?"  She stood up, standing at the head of the bed and looking down at you.  "I know you speak English."  Her arms crossed over her chest.  "But if you don't want English we can do Russian, Spanish, Italian, Mandarin, Hindi, Turkish...  Whatever you want."  The woman leaned over a bit, brushing a piece of hair from your face.  It was almost a... a motherly action.  "The Red Room can't get to you here.  You're safe."

Your e/c eyes narrowed slowly as you looked at her.  "I was safe in the Red Room."

"Then why did they leave you there to die?"  She whispered harshly, standing up straight once again.  It was clear that her mind was running over a few things, trying to work out something.

Confusion began to overwhelm you.  "They...  They didn't leave me there to die."  You began to squirm, trying to work your hands out of the cold metal cuffs.  They weren't like the normal cuffs, which you had spent your entire childhood learning how to get out of.  These were some type of metal that wrapped around you and locked to the side of the bed like a magnet.  You tried to fight the panic rising in your chest.  You needed to get out.  Madame B would be furious once she found out you were gone, and you didn't need that.  "They didn't leave me there to die!"

"Natasha, what did you do?" A brunette man with short brown hair demanded as him and the curly haired man ran in.

Natasha.  That was her name.

You settled for glaring at the two newcomers as the curly haired one started to check your vitals and the IV drip that was attached to you.  "Where the hell am I?"

"You're in the Avengers compound, sweetheart," the first man said as he held out his hand to you, despite the fact that you couldn't shake it.  "Tony Stark.  You've probably heard of me."  When you met him with a blank, unknowing stare, he seemed more than surprised.  "Really?  Iron Man?  Nothing?"  You didn't respond and he pointed at the curly haired one.  "That's Bruce."

Bruce raised his hand dismissively, too busy tapping numbers into a tablet.  "Her vitals are good.  Her blood level is back up.  Other than painkillers and making sure that concussion is taken care of, she's all good."

Natasha turned to him, her eyes softening slightly.  "And the Ceremony?  Was it..."

"Was it complete?"

Natasha nodded.

He sighed as he looked at you, and then back at his tablet.  "Yes.  There was nothing we could do.  It was already complete."

The Ceremony.  The Graduation Ceremony.  You felt bile rise in your throat and you began to thrash around, trying to get out.  You refused to vomit all over yourself.  You still had a little bit of dignity, after all.

Natasha immediately grabbed a trashcan and held it to where you could turn your head to throw up into it, the bile burning your throat.  She smoothed your hair back, a sympathetic smile curving her lips slightly.  "I did the exact same after my Ceremony."

Your eyes met hers as you finished vomiting, your chest heaving.  She had gone through the Ceremony?

"What's your name?" She asked, continuing to smooth your hair back in a soothing manner.  You couldn't help but lean into her touch.  It had been so, so long since you had had someone care for you like this.  Even if it was just smoothing back your hair.  The last person to do it had been one of the older girls when you first arrived at the Red Room.

"Y/N."  Your voice came out a little hoarse still and you closed your eyes.  You would get out of here soon, but for now, you just wanted to relax.  Your entire body was still sore and you were vaguely aware of a dull pain in your heart from the loss.  You now would never be able to have a future family.

The woman continued to smooth your hair back as you laid there with your eyes closed.  There were a few whispered remarks, something about about going through files to find yours.  A soft lullaby fell from Natasha's lips as she sat there with you.  You didn't realize that she had begun to cry, falling away into a light slumber.

Even after you fell asleep, Natasha continued to sing the old Russian lullaby.  The girl in front of her reminded her so much of herself, but worse.  For some reason, this girl believed in the Red Room.  She believed she belonged there.

"Do you think it's some kind of Stockholm Syndrome?"  Tony was standing in the back of the room, watching the sleeping girl.  He had never seen Nat like this.  Hell, no one had.

She nodded, her eyes still focused on you.  "She's in deep."

Bruce finally finished hooking up a morphine drip, and took a seat next to Natasha.  "It's probably triggered by something traumatic that happened before she went to the Red Room."

Tony began to head for the exit.  "We'll know more once we have her file."  He began to call out commands to F.R.I.D.A.Y., his voice fading as he got further and further away.

The man next to Natasha, reached over and grabbed her free hand, squeezing softly.  "Nat...  Are you okay?"  He knew how hard this would be for her.  It was hard enough going into the Academy, let alone coming back with a girl that was everything she used to be.

Natasha shook her head no.  "I will be, once she's okay."  She stopped running her fingers through your hair, though she grasped one of your hands from where it sat connected to the side of the bed.  "She's what I was, when I first got out of the Academy.  Dedicated.  Delusional."

"You're not her anymore."

She smiled sadly at Bruce, leaning her head against his shoulder.  "I know.  But it doesn't change the fact that she's still stuck."

"I got it!"

Natasha looked up as Tony came in, a bundle of excitement.  She always thought that he got happy over the weirdest things, but as a trained assassin, she probably wasn't the best judge of character.  "Got it?"

He waved his tablet in the air, a smirk on his lips.  "Her file."  Natasha watched with wide eyes as he pulled it up.  She knew that he was attempting to hack into the Red Room's files, but she had thought he wasn't going to be successful.  If anything, she thought that they would've had everything on paper.

Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N

Age: 19

Birthday: July 11th

Status: Ready for Graduation Ceremony

Natasha felt herself zoning out as she read the file, though she could hear Tony reading it aloud.  "Found at eleven in Moscow at a ballet competition.  Originally from America.  Single mother.  Extracted from hotel room after mother was... taken care of."  She looked up at him as he paused, his eyes wide.  "They killed her mother just so they could kidnap her?"

She couldn't help but laugh a little.  "They started getting girls from other countries after Russians started to stop letting their little girls join ballet.  That's where they scout for possible candidates."  Nat stood up, pacing a little.  "They make it look like an accident.  Fires are most common, since it's harder to find the bodies an identify them.  They choose girls with limited extended family, so when they go missing or are thought to be dead...  No one cares."

"But, if she was at a ballet competition in Moscow, that means they had to have at least a little bit of money, right?"

Nat shook her head.  "They usually find them in America first, and then invite them to the competition in Moscow.  It seems like a dream come true.  A ballet competition in one of the dance capitals in the world, with all expenses paid?"  She crossed her arms over her chest.  "Then they take the girl who wins, or even the top few."

"Well, apparently she was top of her class...  In everything."  Tony went quiet as the two of them just sat looking at where you lay sleeping.  "What do you want to do with her?  We could try to find her dad or some extended family."

"Tony...  If she was chosen, I guarantee that there's no record of her father or any extended family."

"So...  What do you want us to do with her?"

Natasha took a deep breath.  "I want to keep her."

[dandelionpath]

while im still not fully convinced that the answer was legitimate, i do appreciate your thoughtful answer. ive just heard all that stuff about nb genders before. that they're uncommon, just a phase, hence why it's more common in youth. and i dont think OP being NB changes this. anyone can hold prejudice.

sorry anon, i’m going to lose my mind HSDHGJDSKL i wrote up a really good response to this but then i accidentally closed the tab I was writing it on LMAO!!! ANYWAYS LET’S TRY THIS AGAIN LOL.... (RIP to that half hour I spent writing.... UGH)

I dont know if I understand what you mean by legitimate in this case? From what I understand, Bear was speaking from her own experience, which is about as legitimate as one can get when working with spirits!

I do completely agree with you that one can still hold prejudice/be -phobic even when they’re part of the minority group in question! I just thought I’d mention that piece about her being enby, because it’s much different from a cishet person saying it than a queer person saying it. But yes! You are absolutely right with that!

I think that the issue here is that animals and humans probably have very different ideas of gender! 

Here's a couple snippets of msgs I sent to a friend when we were discussing this after your anon bc I'm really interested in this topic and wanted to hear my friend's thoughts and ideas on the topic

1. "i do not know that much actually and i dont think i really have An Answer to it all?? bc i'm still learning and i'd need to do some research and also ask like,, the spirits themselves LOL and even then it's all just MY experience and i think it'll be impossible to come to any actual conclusive fact-based answer tbh" 2. "i think [the animal kingdom is] mostly just concerned abt staying alive and furthering the species and making the animals around them happy and like,, fostering connections and care between each other if they're social animals!!! idk it's like,,, all A Lot and it also depends on the animal i think bc like... elephants have much different brains than birds for example LOL"

humans have very different brains than other animals! elephants and primates and dolphins and crows etc are some of the animals that have closest to where humans are at in terms of intelligence. this is not to say that other animals are not intelligent, just that they have DIFFERENT intelligence and very different brains! so i think perhaps gender is more of a human thing? I'm not entirely sure, though, and can only speak from my thoughts and what little research I've done. I think animals are mostly concerned with like... "do my sex organs match up right w this animal's sex organs so we can reproduce, and are they a suitable mate so our offspring will be strong and survive", but this doesn't explain homosexuality in animals, so thats INTERESTING and shows that animals are capable of far more thought and care than many humans give them credit for!

I keep catching myself talking in circles LOL because I'm not entirely sure on what my thoughts on the matter are yet, and I'm not sure if I'll have A Proper Answer (as i said in the first snippet of message I sent to a friend that I've shared here).

What i CAN say, though, is that there are most certainly nonbinary and trans animals out there, even if it's much different to how humans classify such gender experiences. Frogs (and certain insects i think?) are the one specific animal I can think of off the top of my head that shows cases of nonbinary gender. In the case of frogs, certain species will change their sex if they need more of the other sex for reproduction purposes. BUT THAT ONLY ADDRESSES REPRODUCTION, NOT GENDER! A good example of transness (and possible enby experience) in animals, is the trans lions! (I need to refresh myself on trans animals LOL, it's been a hot minute since I looked into it!) There was a case of a lion of one gender who acted as if they were of the "other" gender, but this does not do anything for reproduction or furthering the species so obviously there is more going on in animals minds than just reproduction when it comes to gender and gender expression! (though, this may have something to do with possibly being intersex and thus having both sex hormones? I'm not entirely sure, I'd have to look into it more!)

I do NOT think nonbinary genders are uncommon or just a phase/a fleeting experience. I've been nonbinary all my life, even if I didn't realize it yet. I know people who have been nonbinary all their life and had many "nonbinary experiences" throughout their life, and there are plenty of older (40+) nonbinary people who are of all ages!! Nonbinary identities have existed for centuries, since the beginning of it all, and we're not going anywhere soon LOL. I do think gender experiences change as one gets older, because of how our society works - puberty/sexual maturity changes things! all of a sudden girls and boys are treated differently and thus exacerbates the differences between genders and you realize that "oh gender is a thing actually and this kind of sucks". So it would make sense that this would be similar in the animal kingdom! But I do think there are definitely nonbinary and transgender animals out there, especially spirits since animals gain a newfound sense of awareness when they become spirits (though this may just be because we get to understand them better since communication barriers are broken).

OKAY SORRY I'VE SAID A LOT AND I HOPE THIS HELPS???? idk how it would at all LOL, but! TL;DR  animals and humans probably have different experiences of gender, and there are absolutely nonbinary and trans animals out there!

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Pay It Forward

A/N: I’ve been stuck in a car for five hours so here have a shitty one shot for a dead fucking fandom because I know who I am and so should y’all at this point

Caaron AU, One Shot - Gas Station Meeting

*

A thousand miles down.

Carson tosses the bundle of road snacks onto the counter, including several bags of chips, a handful of slim Jim’s, and at least six bottles of water. He’s not sure if it’s the obnoxious fluorescent lights in the grimy gas station or the lack of proper sleep or exhaustion from driving so long but his head is pounding like a motherfucker.

A thousand to go.

“How much does that come out to?” He asks the cashier, digging in his pocket for the wad of cash he still has left.

“Seventeen sixteen.”

“Okay.” He exhales, does a couple of quick calculations in his head to determine how much he can spend and still have enough for the tank of gas he needs after this one is depleted. He has enough. Barely, but enough. “Can I add forty to number six?”

The cashier barely gives a puzzled glance outside. “Uh, I think your friend beat you to it.”

Friend? Carson doesn’t have any friends.

“What?” She points, and Carson follows her finger with his gaze to see some asshole who, based on his pink patterned pants and oversized denim jacket, looks like he was plucked right out of a John Hughes script pumping gas into his car.

Before he knows it, Carson hears the tinkling bell of the door ring as he’s bursting through it in a panic. “Hey!” He shouts, bolting towards the strange boy.

Said stranger just gives him an annoyingly charming smile and waves, still leaning against Carson’s car, still filling it up. “Hey,” he responds much too passively for Carson’s taste, like Carson’s anger just rolls right off him.

In Clover, Carson hadn’t had much hold over the likes of Claire Matthews and company, but he’d taken pleasure in the way they’d writhe underneath his sharp tongue.

“I know it’s a piece of shit,” he starts. “But it’s my piece of shit, and I’m not about to let some Wham looking douchebag take it from me.”

The stranger huffs out a laugh. “I’m not trying to steal your car, dude.”

“Then what, might I ask, are you doing?”

“I’m doing that whole pay it forward thing you read about on Facebook and stuff.”

“Why the hell would you do something like that?”

“Dunno,” he shrugs. “To be nice, I guess.”

Carson stares at him disbelievingly. He knows from personal experience that people just don’t just do things to be nice. People do a lot of things for a lot of reasons; sex, drugs, personal gain, getting into one of the Big Ten universities—but not to be fucking nice.

“Aaron.” The stranger says, just as irritatingly serene as the rest of the conversation, pulling Carson out of his own thoughts and extending his hand towards him.

Carson doesn’t take it, just keeps staring suspiciously as Aaron pulls out the nozzle from the gas socket and places back on the handle.

“Why are you really doing this?” He asks.

“Like I said, to be nice.”

Carson scoffs incredulously. “Why are you so calm all the time?” He asks, because nobody could possibly exist in this crappy world and have such a laid back demeanor.

“I think a better question is why are you so worked up over somebody trying to do you a favor.”

“Because I don’t want to owe anybody one.” He snaps back.

“You don’t,” Aaron says simply and Carson wants to smack the cocky grin right off his face. “Alright,” he admits. “You wanna know why I really paid for your gas...?” He trails off, hoping for a name.

He finds himself giving one, despite himself. “Carson. And please, enlighten me.”

“Carson.” Aaron finishes, and though he’s never heard his own name roll off of someone’s tongue without any sense of loathing in it, Carson is mildly surprised when he doesn’t entirely hate it. “I’ve been on my own since I was seventeen, so I’ve spent my fair share of days living in a car...” he looks pointedly at Carson’s. “And what that looks like.”

“I’m not living in my car.” He spits defensively.

“Summer vacationing?”

Carson just glares at him.

“I’m not living in my car.” He repeats. “It’s just taking a little longer to get to Illinois than I anticipated and I don’t see reason to waste money on a shitty motel when I have an equally shitty backseat—“ he stops himself suddenly, coming to the realization that he doesn’t owe this boy he’s knows for less than ten minutes any explanations... despite his desire to give him one. “I don’t have time for this.” He mutters and circles around to the driver’s side.

Aaron goes around the other side and reaches out for Carson’s wrist. “Wait.” He pleads, and Carson actively chooses to ignore the fact that’s it’s not the worst sensation he’s ever felt.

“What?” He hisses instead.

“You intrigue me.”

Carson snorts at that. “You don’t even know me.”

“Yeah, well I’d like to change that.” Carson rolls his eyes. “What kind of car is it? I can’t really tell.”

“Because of the rust?” Carson huffs. “Yeah, neither can I. It was my grandpa’s.”

“Vintage. Righteous,” Aaron responds, nodding in approval.

“Righteous?” Carson cocks an eyebrow, trying for judgement but it comes off as amusement. “You’ve got to be kidding. Who the hell talks like that?”

Aaron just shrugs. “I’m into the whole vintage thing, sue me.”

“Really?” He asks sarcastically. “I couldn’t tell.”

“Hey, don’t knock the eighties!” Aaron laughs. He hops—fucking hops—onto the hood of Carson’s car. Clearly this guy has no sense of boundaries. “If I could live in any decade forever, it would definitely be the eighties.”

Carson knows he would normally tell this guy to fuck right off, but the sarcastic remark lying dormant on his tongue is much too tempting. “Sure, as long as you’re not too fond of medical advances, human rights, or technology.”

“It’s about the aesthetic! The movies, the music, the style—“

“The blatant racism!” Carson mocks his excitement.

He points a finger at the skeptic boy. “You can’t tell me that the ending of Say Anything doesn’t make you just swoon.”

“Nothing makes me swoon.”

“Or that Thriller doesn’t make you want to bust a move.”

“How is that a real sentence that just came out of your mouth?”

Aaron rolls his eyes. “Come on, there’s gotta be something that gets you psyched about life!”

Carson lolls his eyes and head upward, like he’s searching for an answer. “I guess... I guess I’m pretty passionate about writing.”

“Dude, that’s awesome!” Aaron practically shouts. Carson will be damned if he admits that his ridiculously charming smile fills his stomach with butterflies. “What do you write?”

“Journalism. I think that as a society, at the very least, we owe it to each other to bring certain truths to light.”

“That’s really cool. I’m sure I’ll see your name on a prestigious journal one day.” His grin widens. “You said you’re heading to Illinois?”

“Yeah...” he feels his walls coming down around this Aaron character and instinctively bricks them back up. “So?”

“Chicago.” He digs his hands into his pockets casually. “What’s taking you all the way to Illinois? Long way from Denver.”

Carson knows he shouldn’t tell a complete stranger such details about his life, but he does anyways. “School. Northwestern.”

“Ah, for that journalism stuff you were talking about?”

Carson nods.

“Ive got a band there—in Chicago, I mean.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“But you wanted to.” Aaron says, perky and honest. “If you’d let your guard down.”

Carson doesn’t correct him. “Fifteen minutes and you’ve got me all figured out, don’t you?”

“What put them there?”

He has no clue why he acknowledges the question with an answer, but he does. “I’m from a small town, and people from small towns don’t take too kindly to big ideas.“

He has no clue why he acknowledges the question with an answer, but he does. “I’m from a small town, and people from small towns don’t take too kindly to big ideas.“

Aaron just seems like such an open and honest person, it feels almost blasphemous to not return the favor.

“Tell me about it.” Aaron snorts. “Where’re you from?”

“Clovis.”

“Sweet, I’m from Fresno.” He leans in towards the other boy. “Practically next door neighbors. Weird we haven’t met yet.”

“You mispronounced fortunate.”

Aaron just laughs and part of Carson wants to yell in frustration because that’s not how you’re supposed to react to snark, but an even bigger part of him is impressed and, for a lack of a better word... intrigued.

He sighs and realizes that nothing short of divine intervention is gonna deter this guy from trying to be his friend. “You’re persistent, aren’t you?”

Aaron just shrugs. “Life’s short. You’re hot.”

Carson freezes. He’s not expecting that. Is that what this whole conversation had been? Aaron flirting with him?

A lame “Oh.” is all he—the Carson Phillips known for his way with words—can muster up.

Aaron plows right on with the conversation.

“Like I said,” he starts, hopping off Carson’s hood. “You don’t owe me anything, but if you’re feeling particularly grateful, I’ll accept your phone number in lieu of a thank you.”

“What will you take in lieu of a fuck off?” Carson claps back instinctively. He finds himself immediately regretting it.

Aaron throws his hands up in surrender and heads back his own car. “Alright, I can take a hint.”

A smile tugs at Carson’s lips. “Actually, you kind of can’t.” But there’s no sting left in his voice. He shakes his head. “Sorry... old habits.” He rests his head on the top of his car while Aaron nods understandingly.

“Don’t even worry about it.” Aaron hops into the drivers seat of his car and throws a carefree wave towards Carson. “I’ll see you around, Carson.”

He hears the ignition spark and watches Aaron’s car roll forward with a strange... fascination.

With the exception of Malerie, he’s never held a conversation with someone that lasted more than a few words, but here he was, staring after a stranger he’d just talked with for nearly a half hour.

His skepticism is screaming for him to just get in his car and drive away. He doesn’t need anybody. And he especially doesn’t need some pretentious dickwad who thinks that paying for his gas is gonna get him a phone number and wears ridiculously out of style clothes and says things like righteous—

He tosses his head back. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He mutters and before he knows what he’s doing he’s slamming his hands down on the hood of Aaron’s car in a valiant attempt to keep him from leaving.

“Wait!”

Aaron slams on the break and sticks his head out the window, a stupid grin on his face. “Are you crazy!?”

Carson just huffs. “Do you want that number or not?”

*

When Aaron’s finally left, Carson finds himself back in the gas station to actually pay for the food he’d abandoned on the counter. He’s about to leave when a nagging feeling stops him and forces him to turn around.

It’s not much, but it’s all he can afford.

Carson slaps twenty down on the counter.

“This is for the next dipshit who comes in here looking for gas.”

[bombprepared]

i’ve been going back and forth on my own personal take on a verse where mitch survives the end of episode two, and i think i finally settled on something i’m satisfied with! the basic rundown goes as follows:

i. instead of getting stabbed through the neck, lilly’s knee jerk reaction towards mitch charging towards her results in her slashing him across the throat ( diagonally, from the base of his neck to nearly his ear ). his jugular is narrowly missed, though naturally the injury incapacitates him more than enough to be overpowered by lilly and her team. this leads to him ultimately becoming captured along with the other three.

ii. after his neck is hastily tended to and bandaged up, he’s thrown into the cell along with violet / louis. his time on the delta’s boat is spent in largely in silence on his part for a multitude of reasons, the more obvious of all being the wound on his throat that causes him extreme pain to speak. otherwise, he fights against the shame and weakness he feels that overpowers him from his disastrous failure to take down lilly, embarrassed to have been subdued so easily before the fight had hardly even begun. he’s broken down emotionally more than physically, and hates himself for it.

iii. in regards to lilly, despite having been beaten down by her, she takes interest in his promise of becoming a capable solider due to his bold attempt to take her on himself back at the school. he doesn’t even try to speak a word to her, not so much as looking in her direction during her entire little talk with him. as time goes on ( and determinate events unfold ), he fiercely wishes that he’d successfully managed to kill her.

iv. clementine’s arrival actually surprises him far more than he’ll admit. he doesn’t understand why she’d lay her life on her line for people she’s only known for a mere two weeks, but it’s just enough to spark the fight back within him. he helps her in finding a way to escape, and joins her in fighting off minerva with a newfound rage after learning of what she’d done to sophie once they’ve broken out before leaving with the rest before the bomb explodes.

v. once off the boat, mitch makes it onto the cart with the others and is safely taken back home. his neck is treated with far more proper care by ruby, requiring a few stitches to close and subsequently heal faster. though he doesn’t escape with some irreversible damage, and apart from the prominent scar left behind, he struggles with using his voice for some time afterwards. long after his neck has healed completely, his voice remains somewhat raspy around the edges, and he’s never quite able to raise his voice again.

[bluelixn]

For You, I’d Steal the Stars By: BlueLionWrites on AO3 For MoonlitPaladin When Allura sets Shiro up with a date for her wedding on Valentine’s Day, he doesn’t think it’ll go well but instead he meets the one person he wants to spend every Valentine’s Day with from now until forever. February 13 2019 Lance’s gaze was taken, a soft smile lilting his lips as he peered down at the white gold band sitting perfectly on his ring finger, the light filtering in through the sheer curtains of their living room glinted off of the smooth metal and the beautiful black star sapphire set in the centre of the band. Shiro had found the stone on one of his many trips abroad and had kept ahold of it for many years before having it made into the ring he proposed to Lance with. There was nowhere Lance would rather be right now, sitting in bed, perched comfortably between his husbands legs, broad arms wrapped around his middle as they watched some terrible soap opera Shiro was rather invested in. An open bag of chips sat beside them, neglected in favour of Lance tracing patterns along the back of Shiro’s arm, humming lowly in contentment. “Whatcha think about baby?” Shiro murmured, pressing a kiss to the top of Lance’s head. Lance interlaced his fingers with Shiro’s, raising his husband’s hand to his lips to press a kiss to the backs of his knuckles, “I’m thinking that the main dude on that TV show of yours is kinda hot” he teased, laughing as Shiro jabbed him in the side playfully, rolling him down the mattress and pinning Lance beneath his body weight and peppering Lance’s face with wet kisses. When their laughter finally died down, Lance spoke.“I just can’t believe tomorrow is our anniversary… I love you so much Mr Shirogane” he murmured, cupping Shiro’s face and leaning up to press a gentle kiss to his lips. “I love you more Mr Shirogane” July 22nd 2013 “Shiro! My beautiful best friend in the entire universe, the yin to my yang, the light of my life, funny seeing you here! How are you?” Allura cooed, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she slid into the cracked leather booth across from Shiro with a grin on her face that only spelled trouble. The Kaltenecker Creamery was famous for their milkshakes and currently Shiro was sipping his with little interest, peering across at Allura with a suspicious squint. “I know that face, Allura. Oh god, what did you do and how did you know I was here?” Shiro asks worriedly, peering across at his best friend who was currently pretending to read over the menu with immense interest as Shiro sipped on his Cherry Bomb Milkshake. Allura pressed her palm to her chest dramatically and gasped, a mock look of shock twisting her features, “What? How could you say such a thing? Can’t a girl run into her best friend by pure happenstance?” Shiro merely raised an eyebrow, arms folding over his broad chest.Allura sighed “Fine, I called Keith and he told me. Do you want to get some lunch? My treat?”. “You’re trying to butter me up because you’ve done something I’m probably not gonna want to hear… Need I remind you of the piñata incident?” Shiro returned, raising both eyebrows expectantly over at Allura before taking another sip of his milkshake. Allura grimaced and shook her head; “You promised we would never again speak of the piñata incident but… and I know what you’re going to say but I don’t care because I know you’ll love him…” she trailed off, clapping her hands together excitedly. “I found you a date for my wedding”. Valentine’s Day 2014 Shiro was honestly speechless as he peered around the beautiful room he and Allura had arrived in, dropping his luggage in the corner where it wouldn’t get underfoot. They were in the Penthouse Suite of an absolutely stunning hotel with sweeping marble floors, crystal chandeliers and rich purple and silver accents, apparently it was owned by a friend of Allura’s and currently the wedding party for both brides was occupying the space; Shiro, the bridesmaids, a couple make-up artists and hairdressers, a photographer and a member of the hotels staff on hand in case they needed anything. Along an ornate wrack held their outfits; perfectly pressed and cleaned, ready to be handed out so everyone could dress now that their hair and make-up was finished. Allura grinned widely, hurrying across the room and pulling the intruder into a tight hug, careful not to mess up the stunning up-do her hair had been transformed into. Shiro’s lips parted in a silent ‘oh’ as he took in the stranger currently being crushed in Allura’s embrace; beautiful tanned skin and soft brown hair that fell across mischievous eyes, a cheeky grin and the lithe body of a swimmer that had Shiro subconsciously checking for drool dripping down his chin. “I’m so glad you could make it here for the wedding” Allura exclaimed, pulling away. “Shiro, come here!” Allura beckoned him over, “Shiro, this is Lance, Romelle’s best friend. He lives down in Miami and couldn’t fly in until the day of the wedding.” Shiro nodded dumbly, offering his hand to Lance to shake and flushing pink as the brunet raised his hand to his lips, pressing a chaste kiss to the skin there with a small smirk, “Romelle told me you were hot but she seems to have left out the part where panties must hit the floor whenever you enter a room”. “Lance!” Allura admonished, breaking out into a fit of giggles at the sight of Shiro’s expression. “I- uh… you- thank-you?“ Shiro spluttered, cheeks turning a nice shade of beet red as he laughed nervously to avoid trying to form a coherent sentence. He was utterly entranced by Lance who beamed at him, letting go of his hand in order to mingle with the rest of the bridal party. Allura clapped her hands together, ushering the two of them into the adjoining closet in order to change, two of the bridesmaids handing them their suits as they went. Allura patted Shiro on the shoulder, “you’re welcome” she mouthed, sending Shiro a wink before draping her silk robe on the California king and pulling her dress from the rack. - The wedding was a beautiful affair; with soft pink flower petals decorating the aisle, fairy lights strewn throughout the trees and a beautiful ceremony that had even Shiro tearing up a little. As the reception progressed and Allura and Romelle began their first dance as a couple, Shiro found himself standing beside Lance, the soft lights reflecting in ocean blue eyes and honestly, he found he could scarcely tear his gaze away. As their dance drew to a close and applause sounded from every corner of the spacious hall, Shiro turned to Lance, offering him his hand. “Will you dance with me?” New Years Eve 2014 When the wedding had drawn to a close, Shiro and Lance had ended up returning to Lance’s hotel room, feet aching something terrible from dancing together for most of the night and falling into effortless conversation; exchanging stories from their childhoods and embarrassing moments throughout their lives. Before they knew it, the sun was rising above the horizon, filtering through the heavy curtains to announce the dawn of a new day. They spent the next few days together, touring the sites that California had to offer before exchanging numbers at the airport when Lance left to board his flight, pressing a chaste kiss to Shiro’s cheek before disappearing into the crowd. Due to their conflicting schedules and living on opposite sides of the country, it had taken a while for Shiro to ask Lance out on a proper date, wanting to be there in person when he did. They had spoken every day since the wedding, sending one another texts throughout the day and spending hours every weekend talking to one another on the phone or over Skype. Sometimes Lance would send selfies asking for Shiro’s opinion on his outfit and photos of him and his friends during outings or at music festivals and as Shiro stood in Lance’s doorway, it all felt entirely surreal. And now, here they were; dining on oven-cooked chicken nuggets and glasses of white wine, waiting for the countdown of the New Year to begin on the television. When the countdown began, Shiro put his glass down on the small table beside the armrest and interlocked his fingers with Lance’s. The TV was a faint buzz in the background as they both leant in, Shiro’s palm gently cupping Lance’s face as their lips brushed, slowly deepening as the countdown reached zero and cheers erupted on the screen. “Happy New Year, Lance” Shiro whispered as they pulled apart, eyes glowing with affection. “Happy New Year, Shiro” Lance murmured in return, pulling Shiro in for another kiss. Valentine’s Day 2015 Shiro’s flight had landed in the late afternoon the day before Valentine’s and as he exited the plane and entered the terminal, the sight of Lance waiting for him filled him with joy. He bumped into people, mumbling apologies as he rushed through the crowd, inching closer and closer to Lance. When he finally reached Lance, luggage all but forgotten, he pulled Lance against him, kissing him senseless, arms encircling his slender waist. “God, I’ve missed you so much” he breathed, crushing Lance against his chest, only pulling back to pepper Lance’s face with kisses. When they finally broke apart and made it back to Lance’s apartment, they spent the night with homemade pizza, Lance sitting in his lap, head tucked under Shiro’s chin as they watched movies, basking in one another’s company. As Valentine’s Day dawned, Lance’s phone rang incessantly at the ass-crack of dawn. Even though he had taken the day off months in advance, he had to be called in for a work emergency. Lance worked at the Sealife Park, caring for the animals in rehabilitation and one of the dolphins had gone into labour but there were some complications and needed his help. With a quick kiss goodbye, an order to make himself at home and a sincere apology, Lance rushed out the door, grabbing his keys as he ran past. The plans for their date now promptly disbanded led Shiro to his current predicament because even though they couldn’t go on their date, he still wanted to do something special for Lance and had told him as much via text. Shiro pulled on some oven mitts and said a prayer that he wouldn’t mess this up. - Okay, so he may have messed up.Everything had turned into a complete and utter disaster; somehow Shiro had managed to set his forelock on fire, the once white hair now singed beyond repair, the cookies on the tray were nothing short of char-grilled, now only recognizable as barbeque coals, he then dropped the bowl of green icing onto the floor which had then proceeded to splatter across every single surface, appearing as if Slimer from Ghostbusters had been brutally slaughtered in Lance’s kitchen and he then went on to melt a plastic container to the stovetop which he’d accidentally turned on with his hip while trying to clean up the icing… and then the doorbell rang. Shiro cursed loudly and colourfully, hurrying over to the door with a grimace marring his features. No amount of running his fingers through his hair or brushing off his clothes was going to help this disaster. Shiro groaned and pulled opened the door, donned in Lance’s ‘May I Suggest the Sausage apron’ decorated with a picture of a hand that pointed down to his groin, lobster claw oven mitts, a half burned forelock and black lion slippers. “Hey Hunk! Lance isn’t here at the moment; he got called into work unexpectedly. Do you wanna come in?” Shiro asks, stepping aside to allow Hunk into Lance’s apartment, wincing at the state of the kitchen. “I came to see you, actually” Hunk beamed, “Lance called me from work saying you were baking him something special and asked me to check up on you considering your, uh… history with cooking”. “Oh and I made these for you to give to Lance, figured they would be less… hazardous to his health” Shiro smiled sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck as he nodded in agreement, accepting the Tupperware container filled to bursting with Hunk’s secret recipe triple choc snickers cookies. “Thank-you Hunk, you’re a lifesaver!” Shiro sighed “The last thing I want to do is give Lance food poisoning and right now, we’d be spending the rest of Valentine’s Day in the ER if he ate the cookies I made”. - After seeing the state of the kitchen, Hunk, being the absolute angel he was, helped Shiro clean it from top to bottom; ridding it of the very green, sloppy icing and the lumps of coal that had once been store bought cookie dough balls. Shiro ducked away briefly to cut away the singed parts of his hair and returned to scrape the plastic from the stovetop with immense difficulty. Eventually Hunk had to leave, saying he needed to get back to the bakery he and his wife, Shay, owned and bade Shiro farewell with a clap on the back and a big grin. When Lance finally returned home from work, dead tired and hungry, the kitchen was glistening. After showering, Shiro thoroughly washing Lance’s hair for him, they changed into their pyjamas, nestling onto the couch together to watch shitty romcoms, devouring Hunk’s amazing cookies for dinner and if Lance noticed Shiro’s fringe was significantly shorter than when he left for work this morning, he didn’t say anything. Valentine’s Day 2016 With Shiro off work for the week, Lance decided to take him to all of his favourite places, starting with the beautiful beach that was only a ten minute drive from his apartment. He took Shiro snorkeling for the first time and they spent the late afternoon wandering the beach, hand in hand, collecting shells to bring home with them as souvenirs. When the sun had begun to set and the wind grew chilly they returned home. From their day in the sun, Lance was looking more radiant than ever, his skin practically glowing from the even tan, whereas Shiro, with his significantly paler skin, did not fair as well. The sunscreen disagreeing with his skin, leaving him raw red like an overcooked lobster. Once Shiro had been lovingly slathered in aloe vera, they sat comfortably on Lance’s old, blue couch, sipping champagne while an old Disney movie played. Lance twisted in place, hand buried beneath the plush couch cushions, pulling out a small rectangular box from the depths of the couch and pressing it into Shiro’s hands with a sheepish smile. “Baby, you didn’t have to get me anything” Shiro smiles warmly, tugging almost guiltily at the beautifully tied ribbon until it comes undone. When he eases the lid of the box off, he looks up at Lance questioningly, pulling out two uncut keys; one blue and one purple. “Well a few months ago we talked about maybe moving in together but never really talked about where the other would move to so that’s why the keys are uncut, I thought we could cut them together.” “Lance” Shiro breathed “This is… wow. I hope you’ll like the gift I got for you then” Shiro chuckles, handing Lance a card- sans envelope. “Read it” ‘Mr Shirogane, We are pleased to announce that your request to be transferred from the California office to the Miami office has been successful. Please collect your things and any outstanding assignments…’ Lance trailed off, looking over at Shiro with wide eyes and a hopeful smile. “You’re moving to Miami?” Shiro nodded, grinning from ear to ear as Lance tackled him into a hug, the pair of them falling from the couch and landing on the floor with a loud thud. Valentine’s Day 2017 Dearest Lance I’m sorry I couldn’t make it back to Miami for Valentine’s Day this year; hopefully I can make it up to you when I get back from this business meeting in Toronto in a few weeks time. I know you love things that are cliché and cheesy so I’m hopeful that this letter and the gift arriving later today, will be adequate enough to meet your standards of grand romantic gestures I wanted to write to you and tell you that these past two years with you have been the best years of my life and the last few months we’ve been apart have been nothing short of hell. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and honestly, it scares me sometimes how much I can possibly love another person. My chest aches when we’re apart and it only stops when you’re safe in my arms again. You make everyday so much better than any other and I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to call you mine. There is no one in the world more perfect for me than you, Lance and everyday you spend by my side is a gift I treasure dearly. You are my rock and my light to guide me home in the darkness. Before you, I felt like the shell of the man I once was but when I met you, it was if a whole new world opened before my eyes. Suddenly, the things I once thought were impossible were in my grasp. I have never met anyone that has such a profound effect on the people around them. You’re just so full of life and you find the beauty in everything, even someone like me. You touch the hearts of everyone around you without even trying and you’re effortlessly gorgeous, especially with bed hair and my old college tee-shirt. You cannot even begin to imagine how crazy I am about you. There is nothing in on earth that could ever equate to how beautiful you are to me, both inside and out. There is not a single star in the cosmos or a universe yet explored that could equate to you. I would go to the ends of the earth to make you happy and for you, I’d steal the stars from the sky just to see you smile.You are the one for me, Lance, and I want to spend forever with you Forever Yours, T.S. xoxo As Lance got to the end of the letter, the tears that had welled in his eyes were falling down his cheeks. He loved Shiro more than anything, more than he could say and with such a beautiful letter clutched to his chest, Lance wished, more than anything, that Shiro was here with him now. When the doorbell sounded, Lance jumped six feet, brushing the tears from his face as he rushed to the door. He, Hunk and Shay were going to have a movie night so he thought nothing of the doorbell as he threw it open, prepared to let his friends inside so they could binge Star Wars together. What he didn’t expect to see was Shiro, dressed in his grey pinstripe suit, kneeling on his doorstep, a small red velvet box in one hand and a bouquet of blue roses in the other. Lance’s jaw dropped, his entire body freezing up as he processed what was happening. “Lance McClain… I hope this grand romantic gesture makes up for my absence these last few months….Will you marry me?” Valentine’s Day 2018

“Do you, Takashi Shirogane, take Lance Charles McClain to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” Shiro grinned, tears shining in his eyes as he slid the simple band down Lance’s slender finger. “And do you Lance Charles McClain, take Takashi Shirogane to be your lawfully wedded husband?” “I do” Lance nodded enthusiastically, tears welling and beginning to fall as he slid the wedding band down Shiro’s finger. Grinning up at his husband with an expression of nothing but pure love and joy. "I now pronounce you husband and husband, Shiro, you may now kiss-“ Lance didn’t wait for the officiant to finish, throwing his arms around Shiro’s neck and pulling him into a deep kiss. Applause erupted throughout the church, echoing throughout the high rafters "I love you so much Mr Shirogane” Lance murmured against Shiro’s lips, their noses brushing. “I love you more Mr Shirogane” Shiro returned, grinning at his new husband before pulling him into another kiss.