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savnofilter · 4 years ago

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answering all anonymous asks

i have a lot of mixed opinions and stuff so i just compiled them into one post. the public ones i will be posting separately, simply because i feel they are different. all responses are under the cut!

tw: mentions of pedophilia and gore.

i am and thank you!! i havent really eaten since tuesday but ive trying to keep my fluids up. i hope you are doing okay as well, anon!

~ i learned about puberty when i was 6 only because my sisters had already learnt it (ages 8). the educational sites used were always catered to helping the youth learn about periods, puberty, and everything that comes along with it. once i was at age 8, i also had access to the sites as well.

~ the idea of sex was brought around to me around 8. at 9 i had an experience but i will not get into it since it’s still slightly traumatic for me. other than having a negative experience with it, i yet again already had an understanding because of my older sister’s and i’s class experiences to have a grasp of it.

i would also like to add that my parent were never prudes. bringing up this point, disclaimer that they havent done anything weird to me or my sister. once i was 11 (in 6th grade), i was learning about sex and reproduction. my mother has always told me if i had any questions about that type of stuff, that i should never be afraid to ask.

if she felt anything was too explicit she would tell me that i didnt have to learn about that right now and that when i am older she would be receptive responding. i honestly think the hate stems from the fact that they dont get dicked down well enough from their own bfs that they have to write the pent up frustration on minor characters.

i mean with the cult running around, yes it is. if you are not in a close circle or have an established following, you will have a much harder time getting your stuff out there. its not impossible but it is much definitely more difficult to start up.

if you need help with getting your work out there i am more than welcome in trying to help you out tho!

THANK. YOU. someone had to fucking say it, couldnt be me since they refuse to listen to me. do you know how predatory in itself trying to control what minors of the same age doing together???? the only time i can see minors getting “arrested” unless it was public indecency. also why are you an adult knowing about 14 y.os getting arrested for sexual intercourse? 🤡

it definitely is safe. the people most active are teenagers so do not feel afraid. if there are any concerns please come to me since i am the original and head of the server.

!!! exactly. her sorry ass callout post about my age and followers LOL. “sorry i have more notes than you” i- i had to laugh. i think its so funny because if this was about followers i wouldve done this earlier, not when i hit 5,000 followers.

^ this. all it took was a gabby hannah callout post about my age cnckjsvd couldnt be me. these people preach about keeping kids safe, the kids of the fandom speak up about an abuse and toxicity problem and suddenly we’re ruining the fandom? pick one or the other pls. 🤡

i just honestly find it concerning that theyre thirsting over a character thats um.... HALF YOUR AGE. fake or not its weird asf. its really not your place to say people shouldnt be uncomfortable because you write them “aged 18+” and the most you age them up to is 18 and still write them in U.A. i dont really understand why its such a hard concept to understand.

i just think its concerning that the same people who think i have no sexual awareness have no problem writing characters my age and the only version that theyre aged up is in their fics.

theres something wrong in this equation here.... 😗

lmao these adults have no problem giving people trauma. and yes, yes, and yes. we arent saying that there is a problem aging them up, its how you do it. its really the fact that theyre aging them up and having them at the dorms and aizawa is still somehow, their homeroom teacher? please make it make sense.

if youre especially going to age up someone and youre about 22+, your excuse is that, “their fake so it shouldnt be a problem” is predatory in all the wrong kind of ways.

^ they hate to see it. but once again they did make this an age thing,,, obviously they only learned about sex when they hit 18, and i have hacked the system and infiltrated adult territory. 🤡

right. people are like 16 y.os cant have sex -- no its in place so adults like you dont think you can fuck them any younger. thats all i have to say. but no, im fifteen, i dont have a brain or any sense of the world. no h*rny card for me.

💀 imagine being old enough to understand that stuff can be triggering and no human should even be saying that... getting those shane dawson gore fantasies here.

“no one is mad at you for writing smut. adults are mad because youre writing smut”

your adults arent mentally sound and this is why im making this post. ❤️

lmao i am okay!! ive been having phantom nerve pain where my knuckles are because of that ask though and i had a gore dream. : ) i spoke clearly and properly, when i took them as a joke (yknow being the clowns that they are), they got mad! 1/10, would not recommend a conversation! apparently shes more mature about me but her last post was about riding a teenager’s forehead cnjk vdfd COULD NOT BE ME. she choose to ignore all the other claims and it shows~ 🍵

i dont really mind, ive been wanting to talk about my age on this blog for a really long time since last but sometimes things come sooner than later. even if you dont support my work, i still thank you for supporting me as a person!

RIGHT?! im just really concerned that there are adults who understand that there are moral issues here and some dont. this is why im making a post on a select few and not the whole adult community. thank you for coming to my TED talk.

LMFAO but they dont see it?! 😂 i think me writing about characters my own age is much better than someone who has 10+ years, or better yet, MORE THAN HALF THEIR AGE writing about them. you had your hormones suppressed, doesnt mean mine should as well. 💓

personally, if i was an adult and i made a callout post on someone’s age, i would put a disclaimer to not bully the minors in question,,, just putting out there. your mature and respectful queen is doing magic. 🥰

^ and let me make it clear, after the point of time i realized that following was 18+ blogs was bad, i stopped following them. and even now im sifting through and unfollowing all of them. yes, i do have a brain at fifteen and can think. i know its a foreign concept for some people. 😳

no no no, its okay! i lied about being an adult so this all my fault. :D just think its concerning someone so easily can say one thing and everyone can follow. real cult behaviour and shes the leader. been thinking about making a mean girls poster and sticking her pfp on regina, but even regina had redemption and realized she had work to do. : )

lmao these people have said, “i started reading/writing smut when i was 11-13 but i realized how wrong it was and stopped” so how does it differ from me? you dont magically get good at 18. dont be a hypocrite.

even adults themselves are afraid to speak up. all it took was a shitty post for them to ignore the whole story. these people ignore all the abuse, therapy, toxicity, pedophilia (umbrella term) and everything else that she and her friends are being brought to light about. it shows how much of a blind eye that people have.

this is not a tati situation, i will not go back on my words.

this is understandable. this is even past the age, and this me repeating myself once again. i wasnt even the one who said i was groomed i- its people who were in your, space. think about that.

it really is. and what makes it more concerning that the same people who preach this will talk about how they want to, “beat us the fuck up” or rip our fingers for showing out concern for the vagueness of aged up in fics sometimes.

i even stated that its not everyone who does this but no one will listen.

#tw gore #tw grooming #sav talks

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fictionfixations · 2 years ago

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coliseum / Scarian [3rd Life] Fic / Thoughts

okay. so. 1. The author has a tumblr so yeah.

2. HOLY SHIT. okay, so let me explain but you can probably tell from the post I reblogged by reading it, BUT the fanfic is currently still a WIP, and not finished yet. I don't know why the post stops at chapter 9 though, because right now it has 14 chapters.

Third- I do not need to actually explain the plot of the story because the blog is already there and if you can't tell like all my other fic thought reviews, i will very much be spoiling it.

so.

Grian. Watchers. Nothing can go wrong with technically Watcher Grian and I love that, and one of my favorite types of characters are Assassins. I dunno, I just find it interesting, but then we meet Scar and HELL YES. Scar conveniently solving the needing a place to stay problem, and honestly Desert Duo's one of my favorites.

I didn't actually take a look at the tags because I don't spoil myself that way and usually just read the summary (and if I'm still ensure what the summary means I go to the tags, but even those are confusing usually)

So zero idea there was Scarian but that was lovely too (honestly there was this note that said something about Grian and platonic feelings that made me go 'lol haha' and then do a double take like 'wait does he actually have platonic feelings and ive just been misunderstanding?' lMAO but then i think they.. got a little heated..? its not explicit but like.. uh... aNYwAY)

Scar. former mercenary. broke his legs because he misjudged how high a jump was. ow. but i think this was what Grian needed to get in a bit of a more comfortable household? Like cause so, he probably wouldn't be all that used to someone being kind or some shit and would be better with someone kinda like him (a little doubt there, theres always that sort of tension usually between two mercenaries as they both have capabilities to be able to take out the other)

but hed be able to release his tension a little bit with something more.. kind of familiar..? i dont know where I was going with that

And then Grian, who is.. suffering and I am very terrified he is going to die.

ALSO HE HAD WINGS? i dont know but the text where he was on the roof and something about his wings only JUST registered now. okay. that took awhile wtf.

ALSO A TRAITOR? dun dun dunnn

We were all played for fools. BUT GRIAN YOU OBSERVANT FUCK

also scar leaving bdubs (unless it was big b somehow and ive been misreading his name but doubt) free?? i mean. unexpected. i mean the truth being revealed about why was awful but like...

yeah so i dont really think about consequences and i think that says a lot about me

also. grian. attempting to kill scar.

GRIAN YOU IDIOT WHADIUWASHDUH

you dont know how stressed that got me because like

griAN..

but then he didnt and im so fucking glad BUT THEN HOLY SHIT it got.. heated.

uh.

ALSO GRIANS GOING TO DIE IM PREDICTING IT HERE BECAUSE THEYRE SPENDING SO MUCH TIME DOING OTHER STUFF AND ITS STRESSING ME THE FUCK OUT

Honestly though I thought that the traitor had like ill intentions and was completely against them instead of the story BDubs had instead (ALSO JOEL AND CLEO nooOOOOOO)

and that like.. something something, theyd run out of time and then grian go x-x

i am terrified though. If Grian does die then hes leaving scar alone and i cant bear that thought and i know he has jellie but like

THEY JUST CONFIRMED EACH OTHERS FEELINGS AND NOW THEY HAVE A EVEN BIGGER BOND

but thats so fucking vulnerable to the pain thats going to be caused if they dont get it fucking done

and also rens either putting on some mask but im pretty sure grian would see through it BUT HE WAS TIRED? and not at the start of course but ren only carried him to his room when grian almost died and oh if youre reading this without reading the fic first then shame on you and haha you will never understand what happened until you read it

BUT WHAT

also also also also The sound of something shattering, and then the next chapter Grian mentioning that the earring was gone I HAD A FEELING THAT WAS WHAT SHATTERED- i had like a thought that maybe it either just broke when he fell(?? but ren said he pulled him away so he mustve fell against ren so thats no i think) or that it like.. something magic? maybe the clock caused it and i think somewhere in between was like 'what if it was for like his safety and like broke when it was used up or something' like idk, a totem because i cant think of anything else but they also arent red i dont think..? and the earring was red unless i misread the color somehow

BUT THEN SCAR WAS PANICKED i dont know how he was able to tell it broke, maybe it broke on his end too but then what if it was reversed and scar got a near death experience that shattered Grian's? Or is there some sort of magic thing that alerts Scar?? hm..

honestly imagine Grian just fuckin died

thatd be a shitty end but I would like to see an alternate ending possibly. i live and die for angst. because i like angst, but it also kills me and leaves me sobbing

but so so so

maybe ren isnt as his reputation shows him of to be and is a kind guy and its either grian dies or ren dies OR they pull a 180 and go against the watchers but doubt because theyre fuckin gods (i think grian says somewhere that they arent but i dont have any other title that works for them)

so this is a tough situation

AND THESE ARE KINDA JUST THEORIES

im terrified D:

honestly excited to see where this goes but im scared shits gonna happen

its so close to the end but its also not at the same time and its stressing me out (I mean 4-5 more chapters??) BUT SO MUCH CAN HAPPEN IN THAT MANY CHAPTERS

aAAa

COLISEUM

ao3 / tumblr tag

(steampunk/fantasy au, scarian, third life retelling) Grian is on a mission: kill the Red King of the Third Precinct. Unfortunately, when he travels to the capital where the king resides, he lands in a spot of trouble with a local merchant when he accidentally destroys the merchant’s shop. After he enters into a contract to help pay off the damages, he discovers that there might be another side to Scar under the silver-tongued salesman— and that he’s not the only one who wants the Red King dead.

fanart:

scar’s design

chapter six

MASTERLIST:

♠ chapter 1

♠ chapter 2

♠ chapter 3

♠ chapter 4

♠ chapter 5

♠ chapter 6

♠ chapter 7

♠ chapter 8

♠ chapter 9 (in the works)

#third life au #third life smp #3rd life #fanfic #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #coliseum #scarian #desert duo #ao3fic #read on ao3 #review #thoughts

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survivormongolia · 7 years ago

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Episode 2: “I was prepared to come in this game and slay.” - Madison

ok well... none of us were voted out which is alright i guess but we are literally not winning this immunity with gloria and patricia on our tribe.... like no offense to them but they finna submit like 20 thinking its a good score like arghhh its whatever tho bc im going to get the highest on the tribe so if they vote me out theyre literally the dumbest people ive ever met. if we lose, i truly dont think im going anywhere bc i have 3 people im genuinely friends with and ive been having good convos with dennis and brian... wow i cant believe im aligning with mostly men

me as soon as i saw the blog for the game: "i should check the rules page, i know some hosts are sneaky & hide advantages in there"

me: everything looks a-ok to me!!!!

hosts: make sure you check the rules page!!!

me: hmmm seems fishy, let me check again!!!

me: nope, nothing ot the the blue

me: tells dan about the advantage in the results post

dan: something looked fishy to me in the rules page, but i tried to right-click and nothing worked, let me check again

dan: omg. it took me to the same page as the results

me: wow. i truly am a useless piece of garbage

ok im back and i found out more info. so apparently gloria has been on call with dennis AND francie which means they dont play around. i think theyre being really social with everyone and i KNOW francie has amanda and emily on the other tribe so im actually really worried about them. i have talked to them a lot and i feel like i wouldnt be their first target but maybe randy or madison would be?? idk. if we dont win this immunity it wont be the worst thing in the world bc everyone agreed to patricia last week so might as well try again this round ig. i talked to randy and he's on the same page and also is afraid of francie and dennis being really social so hopefully once our tribe gets down to 7 or 8, the 4 of us (madison, randy, tj) would be majority. i really trust tj and he always keeps me updated but... he has a mind of his own and i wont be surprised if he wouldnt be down to do one of them. btw ill probably make a podcast or a video dr tomorrow if i find more tea...

I’m not going to do as well on this challenge as my tribe mates I don’t think. So now, of course, I’m thinking about tribal last night and how I was asked about the first challenge and I was like “yeah keep me around bc I can help in challenges.” That’s not going to be good for now. I’m going to do my best given the calculus and government homework I have for tomorrow (EW). I’m also thinking about the game as a whole. I want to put myself in a position of power wherein I can be a big part of strategy and make notable moves while also not flagging myself as someone “running the game” (lol like that’ll happen) or someone who’s too big of a threat to stay. This involves identifying larger threats than myself and locking them out before anyone knocks me out etc. There’s a bullseye; let me find my quiver. This is also probably the last confessional I’ll make ‘til after the challenge because why spend time confessing when you can find invisible cows. (I’m on the way to school and confessing on my phone. No, I’m not the one driving. I may confess at lunch or study hall if anything worth confessing happens between now and then.)

Okay so I went back and checked the other posts and there wasn’t anything around. But when the new immunity challenge was posted, there was the same link hidden on the post. I sent it to my host chat and nothing. I noticed after I sent it that the link wasn’t hidden on the new challenge post anymore, but the previous ones are still there. Interesting….

So the Fans went to tribal and we were hoping that by sending Jon to Exile, they would vote out Randy and it would keep an inactive around to help them flop more. However, Jon struck out and was med-evac’d. Great. So now the Fans are gonna go super hard on this challenge since they basically got a free pass. This challenge, by the way…. Shout out to Drew. I hate this challenge. Invisible Cows can die, all of them. I told my tribe to make the window as small as possible so the cows have less places to hide, and I think its working out for everyone, so hopefully we can do this. I’m just worried because I know Madison on the other tribe just played this game in a challenge not too long ago and if she tells them about the trick then we are basically on even playing ground. Im at 800 right now and my goal is to get to 1500 but we will see.

I’m still trying to figure out my social game. Usually in games, I form some kind of alliance within the first 48 hours and generally keep up appearances with everyone. I want to do things differently this game. While I am still trying to be friendly and talk to people, I dont want to be the one to hold all the conversations. I’m having trouble keeping a conversation with Asa and Ian and Nicholas, but everyone else I’ve had at least a 10 minute conversation or longer every day. Colin has already suggested voting out Asa if we go to tribal because he’s talked to her the least. He says that me and him are good and I’m glad for that. I really like Colin. And I know that Emily will have my back, at least in the tribal portion of the game. Last night, Dan, Lindsay, and I formed an alliance. Finally! I really like Lindsay and we danced around forming an official alliance with each other for 3 days, and Dan and I have talked a lot, so I’m really glad this happened. With this alliance, and my bond with Colin and my relationship with Emily, I feel like I’ll be okay should we go to tribal. I’m hoping we don’t have to… here’s hoping we can find more cows than the Fans..

https://youtu.be/D45IAXpUHyA

This challenge is cute! And also my tribe is just Slaying this challenge. I love this tribe, we're stacked as hell djkfgfh

Oh well fuck. Well I was middle of the road with the scores so I didn’t go from top score to lowest ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ it still fucking sucks though. I hope enough people are down with the plan from the last round depending on who gets exiled.

Temujin exiling Patricia was the obvious move—keep the lowest challenger in the game and force the losing tribe to send a better challenge player home, increasing the likelihood of them returning to tribal—and from a strategic standpoint I have to give them a bit of credit but being on the tribe that’s getting screwed over? Fuck this.

So I'm in the predicament of which alliance to throw under the fucking bus, I should've been quiet about the group to Julia Rae and Madison. Best person to go home would be Brian or Randy, for my own personal benefit

Wow, so I don't know if you managed to see that but I told Julia Rae and Madison about GloForce...and then switch them to Brian

Wow this tribe really is doing that. I get a bad feeling we’re gonna get swap-fucked somehow. I guess now that its been a few days I can give my opinions on people a little more.

I get strange vibes from Amanda and Dan. I feel like they’re close just by interactions they have in the tribe chat. They both also seem like the type to be cutthroat. I think I’m in good with them tho so as long as I’m not doing anything shady they might not target me, since I have a feeling they’ll be the ones trying to lead the first few votes when/if we go to tribal.

I get good vibes from Emily, Asa, Quillyn, and Lindsey. They seem pretty trustworthy and easy to work with.

As far as Nicholas, Ian, and Colin go, I don’t really have any connection with them but I’mma try talking to them more while things are easy and peaceful so they would be hesitant to vote out me over someone else.

I’m really curious as to who got the secret advantage. I’m mad as hell that I didn’t get it but oh well. I feel like if anyone got it it was probably on the faves tribe, cause I feel like the fans aren’t putting in all that much effort or reading into things as much as an experienced player might. I’m glad to have been the one to publicly expose the advantage because I want whoever got it to be on their toes and that they’ll have to be more cautious and stressed about trying to do things involving it. They probably think no one is paying attention but I have eyes in the webcams on their computers. I see them.

Temujin won the second immunity and I'm very pleased with that as we are all getting along fine, but for how long? Eventually we will have to turn on each other and vote one of us out. My job is to just make sure it's not me, pre merge portion of the game I aim for a good score but not the best of unbeatable score. The sweet spot is upper middle, you are seen that you can be beat in individual challenges yet good enough to want to keep around for a strong pre merge tribe

Also i feel like horse culture is important?? Like idk why the hosts wouldn't just put a keyboard smash url or make the url (survivormongolia.com/secret-advantage). Like horse culture must mean something. I wish I was one of those girls in middle school who put horse stickers on all their supplies. I feel like maybe I could better understand horse culture and what this could mean. But just know i have made a mental sticky note saying "HORSE CULTURE" in bold sharpie.

Allow me to explain why Brian being voted off would be a fucking stupid idea or Julia and Madison, so if me, Julia, Madison, or Randy gets sent to exile and Patricia is gonna come back in our place just how well do you think that's gonna play out. Patricia isn't stupid and probably knows she was gonna get the boot...this time atleast. With the scores brian and randy have been producing it'd probably be them getting booted next, at this point I'm trying to stall...

I'm glad we won another immunity! although I'm getting sick of the fake sweetness of our tribe like nobody actually likes each other that much and that will show once we end up losing one of these challenges. I'm really tired of the passive aggressive competitiveness of some of these people too like, we can just all support each other and not like try to put people down who can't get as high of a score on a shitty flash game? I'm hoping for an early swap honestly I would definitely want to try working with some of these fans over the people on my tribe who I just can't seem to connect with.

So. Jon went to exile Island and got his 3rd strike. That was great, because he would've been voted off anyways.

Then the next challenge happened and disaster struck. First off, I love that minigame but holy shit, it drives some1 crazy UNLESS YOUR NAME IS MADISON AND YOU ACTUALLY FIND A TRICK TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS BUT THEN PROCEED TO NOT TELL ANY1. Eitherway I spend around 3 hours during all my exams and papers, that are due, to find stupid 800 cows until I was about to go to bed, wher TJ told me a trick to boost up my score. So I did that and brought it up to 1100 by another 20 min but that wasn't enough by FAR. The rest of the tribe decided that 300 or 600 is enough. Obviously we couldn't know how much the other tribe was getting, but after seeing that easy trick everyone could've atleast aimed for 1000.

We lose the challenge, they pick Patricia, which is a good pick (Since she would've most likely been voted off other wise - even though I did bring up a point in the alliance chat, that we might have needed her to keep the majority in the tribe, just in case the other 4 form a counter alliance). Me and TJ talked a bit and I told him before, that the only 2 possible votes are Brian or Randy. Both have barely been active in this tribe, with Randy just doing a tiny bit more (Flag challenge) but we can't hold that as a positive for him, forever. In the end it seems to be brian tonight, oh well unlucky.

But in my opinion, seeing how our Tribe works compared to the Favorites this wont change anything. They will keep beating us out in every challenge until we are at a low number of members just to be picked up 1 by 1 in the merge or at a tribeswap. Its super scary and I am already getting a little bit anxious and frustrated looking forward. The worst thing that could happen to us is, that we win the Reward challenge and then get on too much of a high, go back to doing the least amount of work, just to be crushed at the next Immunity challenge again. Lets hope that isn't the case. Lets hope a swap happens sooner than later, when we still have some numbers..

But, on a more serious note! That whole conversation about the secret advantage came up with Dan after he returned from Exile. He told me about the idol on Exile, & how it's the name of a Survivor, you only have two yes or no questions to narrow it down, & you only get three guesses. He also told me what questions he asked, & his guesses!

So, I guess my social game is better than I thought it was, because he said he was only going to tell Amanda & I, & we ended up making an alliance chat. To be honest, this group really makes sense to me, because I feel we are more of the "social" people on our tribe, where we'll message people first, & try to keep the conversation going, so I'm really happy with this core group. Now, I'm not a mathematician, but even I know that three out of ten people in a tribe is not a majority, but it's nice to have a solid core group that we can hopefully add to when needed! Plus, if you have a smaller group inside a bigger one, you're already in a better position number wise. I'm blabbering on about this newfound alliance, & how it's good for my game, just to watch it blow up when the inevitable swap happens, & we're split up. :) :) :) :)

I'm still trying to form relationships with other people on my tribe, but I feel like I haven't really gotten far. I think I have a good relationship with QuilLynn! We actually talk quite a bit, & have good conversations about things outside the game, & I really like her! She's someone I can definitely see myself working with down the line, so hopefully she feels the same way.

Like, I'm really glad & relieved that we've won the immunity challenges, but sometimes when you're on a tribe that keeps winning, it's easy to just relax & not talk as much. It's when you lose, where everyone starts to scramble, & relationships develop further. Basically right now, we're the Love tribe, where everything is sunshine & rainbows, & no one has a bad thing to say about anyone. But, if we were to lose, we'd go from *heart eyes emoji* to *knife emoji* real quick.

I don't want to say I thrive in chaos, because I don't, I'll overthink every possible scenario & hop aboard the paranoid train, full speed ahead. However, I thrive when people are very conversational, & I feel like the people on my tribe will only become like this when they feel their ass may be on the line.

Another update about our tribe idol: Still haven't guessed once. Still a flop. Let's try to turn this around, Lindsay! You can do it.

This confessional has been all over the place, so sorry I'm a mess. I don't know. I can't control my thoughts or put them into words very well.

I’m angry I found 2.6k cows and we still lost. I don’t know what this tribe is doing tbh it’s such a mess. I was prepared to come in this game and SLAY but that’s kinda impossible right now so.

Gloria is an icon.

That’s all.

So I guess I haven't done one of these this round! WHOOPS. Well, not much has changed in my game. I'm still really enjoying the tribe for the most part and just trying to do my best in the tribe! Like I'm really proud of myself for performing so well in the challenges so far. Jokes on the tribe bc when I start school again, I'm not going to have as much time to do things *shrugs* I know I'm pretty and successful and they'll just need to understand that.

On a serious note, I'm worried about Colin coming back from exile and the idol situation over there. I'm lucky I have some time to plot and think about how I'm going to address that. I think I'm gonna say something along the lines of, well I kinda wanted to see who went to exile next before I said anything to anyone about it. I would be open to sharing information with Colin, I just feel like with him working we really haven't had the chance we need to really like create a lasting bond. Yes, we talked about people we liked and about keeping each other's best interests in mind, but that was one curt little conversations. I know curt implies rudeness, but that's not how I mean it, I'm just not smart enough to think of a better word. But, any who, I have some scrambling to do with our relationship, but I'm willing to give it a go. We shall see what the future holdsssss.

Cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow cow WOW IT WAS WORTH IT HEHE! I got 666 cows and our tribe won by an absolute landslide. I’m super happy! I am excited to see what happens when the fans actually have to um vote someone out and not be saved from a medical evacuation lmao. Also I haven’t been talking to people like I should because I’m so fucking lazy. And tired. Like give me a break people

Ugh we lost but I did so bad but I didn't had time to do it. I feel like I'm going home tonight unless I get to go to exile since I was lowest and last one they send had nothing

Hello it's me fallen tuna. I like my tribe a bit better it's pretty clear that we are all pretty busy. I suck the most at the comps so thats somewhat confusing but asa talks less so if we lost that might be the one person I'd try to get out

So this round has been me trying my hardest and obviously not succeeding. The faves tribe are just too dedicated for this game. Which is great for them, but we arent naturally as competitive as they are. Meaning that we're once again going to tribal. And they sent home Patricia. The girl who we thought would be the next voted off.

So now its scrambling. Julia told me her group of TJ, Madison, etc. is going to do Brian. I brought up the fact that me and Brian are close, and that Francie would probably be better since she's obviously close with Amanda on the other tribe. But Madison is also close with them, so i dont see them leaving this week. If I have to vote out Brian. Then damn, but I'm not leaving premerge. So its just time to cut my losses, and hopefully make it to a tribe swap.

Confessional: I am very upset with many players on my tribe who I feel don't need to be here because they are somewhat inactive and not trying all that hard in challenges. They need to carry their asses to be perfectly blunt. They are hurting our tribe and it takes all the fun out of the game to be honest. People are telling me they are voting Brian and I love him to death and know for fact he can be a great player but this game he has shown me nothing so I am going with majority and he was on my rdar this round for vote also, I am working with TJ Francie and Dennis and hope us 4 stick together and none of them turn on me. Thus far they are my safety net but who knows what will happen if a tribe switch happens and I hate this sending people to exile island it sucks big time cause I am afraid that will kill my game if sent. I hope that everybody 100% votes Brian out tonight and Randy isn't showing much attempt either after doing that gorgeous flag. That sucks but it is what it is in games take the good with the bad. Hope I last see you at tribal honorable host. <3 GLO GLO <3

So my gay ass is sitting here, minding my own business, and what do I see in a VL I'm in? Emily and Amanda are hosting an Athena season together? INCHRESTING. I will keep that little tid bit in the back of my head when it comes time to vote somebody out.

Okay so basically at this point my tribe is slaying the game! As one would expect, we have a lot of seasoned players who are hungry for redemption and really don’t want to be the first fave gone so everyone is going really over the top with these challenges. I won’t complain because they keep me safe by extension but i have a feeling that there is going to be a loss or a luck comp in our near future and i just don’t know how i am going to fare if we go to tribal. Right now i know that Quil, Emily and Lindsay wouldn’t vote me out. So that means hopefully 4/9 votes. Ive been trying to reconnect with Ian and I don’t think he would vote me out either so I think I could survive a tribal if I ended up going to one.

Right now i am putting in some work to make sure that Im not the first boot from this tribe. I’m trying to not talk to Asa or Thomas [they also don’t message me,,,,ew??? like wtf are you doing here if you aren’t going to message anyone] so that I can eagerly throw their names around if we go to tribal. Also ironically enough they are the highest placing members of our tribe so I’m hoping it can be an easy sell. That’s about it for now!

Honestly, I hate the fact we lost the challenge. I hate the fact that Patricia was given immunity because that means that my time may be up. People barely try and talk to me, or even bother to reply to me. So I think it's me tonight, which is fine. I am content with my journey. I was told it may be Randy but I doubt it. We'll see.

I'm good Patricia is coming on so hot. She's just like "I wanna work with you" and calls me right away like omg ajdhaidhss it's not that I wouldn't wanna work w her it's just that you'd think she'd spend st least ten minutes to have some small talk before throwing me six feet deep into strategy talk...

i dont think im getting voted out but if i do oh well... everyones voting brian i believe and my friends have no reason to lie to me so i am feelin GOOD!! i hope theres a tribe swap so i can be safe for once oh my god

I hope this tribal and the Brian vote are successful. Fingers crossed!

I'm confessing to say Emily was robbed in Athena All Stars and I love Drew even though he drags me always the end

#fvf6 #confessionals #MassTag

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conditionaljewel · 7 years ago

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I started a long blog post that I got sidetracked on halfway through so I deleted it and am starting over.

This is a rant, and not like anyone’s gonna read it anyway but what the fuck ever it just means I can say what I need to and not have to worry about who sees it.

I am a person with a mental health problem. Probably a few, but definitely one. As such, I have needs that I make myself stay focused on that helps me deal with everything that causes me distress, anxiety, etc. This is one of the reasons why I smoke weed.

When I don’t have any weed, when I haven’t smoked, I don’t like the person I am. While my mind is a little more clear and I’m more focused on some things (not all things, though), I am way more irritable, easily agitated, very moody, amongst other things. When I smoke, I’m calm, I’m mellow, less aggressive and loud, and I just feel more balanced out. It helps me so much, so needless to say, whenever I’m out, I’m a monster. I have been much of the past few days.

It so happens that the past few days have also been days that I’ve had to work. Without going into detail, I hate my job anymore, I constantly am on the brink of tearing people a new one there with my thoughts and opinions on how the store is run and operated, and I’ve made it abundantly clear on several occasions that I am very easily overwhelmed and agitated when I’m not getting the help from my coworkers that is expected, all the while there’s no hesitation for others seeking help to receive it. And that’s without me saying anything about the appreciation — or lack thereof — that goes on within the store.

To that end, customers are no better, between expecting the world in exchange for nothing, and treating retail employees like garbage. Demanding, snarky, uptight, know-it-alls, they’re just as awful to deal with as the customers who are downright fucking stupid and just dont pay attention, don’t listen, don’t perceive. They’re just greedy, stuck-up fucks who have no regard for anyone else.

I can’t work with people anymore. Like any people. All people. I’m sick and tired of the attitude and mindset that working in retail has created and generated, especially around the holiday season. I’m fed up with the lack of respect and decency amongst society in general, and especially tired as fuck with the incompetence of others that directly impacts my livelihood and well-being.

I have to get a new job. But what’s a girl to do when all she’s worked is retail (with the exception of 17 months in a hospital setting as a medical “professional.”) I can’t, won’t, and don’t want to do retail anymore, ever again. But what other jobs are there that you can get without a degree that isn’t retail or food service that doesn’t involve heavy customer interaction? Like yeah i can go answer phones somewhere but that’s still people.

I don’t. Like. People.

So what’s left? Riddle me that.

But that isn’t where it ends, no no. For someone who is so hard up to make friends and meet new folks, I really do have a problem with people. I’ve spent many nights wondering what the fuck is my problem that people don’t want to have anything to do with me? What pushes people away? What the fuck is it? (Besides me bitching about people, obviously).

I try so hard to make an impact on people, make a positive vibe that radiates outward and attracts others, but no one’s ever fucking interested in anything more than hello. Do you know how disheartening that is? In the past three years, honestly, I think I’ve made two honest to god actual friends, and neither of them live near me. Hell, I have ONE friend who lives within 25 miles of me, and I hardly ever get to see her.

Even as a child, trying to make friends and meet new people was never easy for me. Somehow everyone else always had an easier time than I did, and no one ever stuck by my side. So naturally, it’s difficult for me to now, but when you’re 28 years old, it’s just deflating. You shouldn’t be MAKING FRIENDS at fuckin 28 years old, you should be going out for drinks and happy hour after work with your friends that you’ve had for years once a month or some shit. I’m lucky if I go to a restaurant by myself sometimes.

Not making friends has obviously left me fucked up. Lacking friends, I’ve not had chances to learn and take hints from social cues, I’ve not been in many situations that a lot of other folks have been in by my age. Whereas many people my age are settling down, getting married, have great jobs ... i’m living with my parents working a dead end part time job because my depression, anxiety, and other mental health problems keep me from trying to better anything for myself because they’re actively making things WORSE for me.

I know I’m not the greatest looking girl — or guy, if you even wanna play that card — and sure that’s probably a factor because why the fuck wouldn’t it be, but even people I’ve met online that I’ve tried to befriend in the past are like “lol moving on” and just ghost and disappear. Like honestly, what the fuck is it about me that pushes people away? I’d LOVE to know.

Sigh.

I don’t ever directly say this or suggest it, but sometimes I wonder what the fuck my whole purpose in this life is, because honestly I’m so sick of life — my life — that I’d really rather just die. Cease to exist. Honestly. I. Hate. My. Life. What am I doing with it? Ive fucked everything up for the past 28 and a half years, done everything backwards and wrong and stupidly, and I don’t have much hope for myself because everything seems so daunting and overwhelming.

I don’t want to work, I don’t want to have to look for a new job, I hate the ideals and statuses that society has created that’s led to the position the world is in right now on so many facets of life. Cuz then I look around and see all these people doing shit that just makes no sense, seems counterproductive, and ... they’re thriving???? Why? How?

I’m not trying to sound like “I never asked to be born” or “I want others to take care of everything for me,” but where is the option for people who don’t want to work and would rather do something else with their life? What can I do that’ll get me this bullshit currency thats so important to survive and thrive that doesn’t involve other people?

Sigh. I’m done. I can’t type anymore. I’m just so defeated.

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