#ive noticed its gotten a lot better already. i feel like a huge weight was taken off of my chest and i can breathe again

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

It doesn't feel real that I'm moving soon. Like I still go to work and make my silly little posts and go home and knit my silly little garments and drink a lot of coffee and eat poorly and go to therapy but in a little over a month my life is going to change so much for the better. Wild.

[naranciiiasolos]

the day i took senior photos made me actually want to kms. that day i felt so ugly and big. i felt like everything was so ugly. i remember thinking when i saw my friends having their photo taken “ wow they all just naturally look pretty “ after my photos were taken i actually felt like crying in that moment. i saw them and just wanted to burst into tears because i literally thought i looked so ugly. i hated everything. i hated how shiny my face was, i hated how my eyes looked i hated how my smile looked crooked i hated my double chin. i hated everything. i hated how big i looked no matter what. but i thought to myself “ hey no its ok cause when you get home you can show these photos to your mom and dad and they’ll call you pretty “ i came home already feeling super shitty about myself. i show my mom the photos and she just stared. i showed my dad and showed him the one i choose and he just went “ i dont like the one you picked “ i kinda laughed it off and walked away and went straight to my room. i ripped those photos. i locked myself in my room for like 4 hours literally just crying and telling myself how much i hated myself. i dont know why. like yea i still feel lile this but why was i so damn dramatic. i think i just wanted somebody to call my pretty that day. i usut wantef to hesr one nice thing about me. thats what i dont like about myself. i feel like im ugly because people dont call me pretty. im slowly starting to like the way i look. im kinda learning to love my double chin and my stomach. sl its improvement. but i still need to get diet. back in 2017-2022 my dad liked to have these conversations with me about my weight. i always hated them but ik hes just looking out for me. i just dont like the way he does it. he liked to compare me and sisters weight a lot. he actually compared me to my sister a lot. my sister noticed it too. i love my sister. we never show much affection towards each other. we almost never hug or say i love you. but i think we both just know. we never have to say it. i miss her. shes the only thing that keeps me sane tbh. she was a huge comfort to me back in 2020. she didnt have to say anything. just knowing shes listening or is by my side is enough for me. i was listening to an old playlist i made back in 2020 whoch made me remember everything that happened that year. somebody came out for me to my parents. my parents are cool with it i think. idk i just remember my dad having a talk woth my sister and me in their room. when they called me into their room i got the feeling that they knew. so i already expected my dad’s reaction. he was mad that i didnt tell them first. i didnt want to. i was scared that everything was going to change. i didnt want it to change. i didnt want them to look at me differently. i was scared they were going to completely stop talking to me. they mentioned it jn the past. so ofc i wasnt going tk tell them. i remember having a full on oanic attack. i literally couldnt breath. i was crying a whole bunch. i was suffocating. i was terrified about what he was going to tell me. after he went on gis rant he stopped talking to me. until the next day. he walked into my room and told me he loved me no matter what he just didnt want me to such a big decision early on into my life. the thing is i knew since i was in 7th grade. ive just been questioning if i felt the same about men. i still dont know but i remember him crying and telling me how he was sorry for how he acted. he hugged me and it was like a 10 min hug. i love my dad. but that year i was kinda pushed away from him my dads relationship with me kinda changed. he seemed more distant from me. he has gotten better. in fact hes a lot more accepting. we just havent talked about that incident since. tbh idk how i even got here. but i think i need therapy. but i really feel embarrassed of telling my parents

[puddingheads]

Eternity || Nishinoya Yuu.

In which the small things stay with you, forever.

Warnings: Fluff with slight angst, post time skip spoilers

Word count: ~2.4k

Note: I'm finally writing a fluff fic, but I can't seem to tear myself away from angst. It's extremely minimal here though, and there's a good ending! Special thanks to @rollinguuuthunda for inspiring me to write this (since you rEFUSE to read my angst fics >:()!! And yes, I’m bullying Noya in the summary since he’s shorter than me.

—

i.

“Nishinoya, you got hurt again?” You nagged, firmly tugging at his arms to reveal the bruises littered on his skin. They were big and angry and purple; just the sight of them was enough to make you wince.

“They don’t hurt at all, they’re battle scars!” Nishinoya, ever so cheerful and optimistic, beamed brightly at you. In the two years of knowing him, you’d never seen him bothered by the countless injuries his position inflicted on him.

“Sit down,” settling on the floor cross legged, you patiently waited for him to heed your words. There was no room for disagreement, Nishinoya knew perfectly well that you took his well being very seriously.

He never really understood why, though. He never knew why you would grimace at the new bruises on his arms, or force him into his jacket after every match, or ask if he’d eaten his lunch every time you bumped into him in the halls. (Also, he never noticed how you always coincidentally had a protein bar with you when he would say no.)

“They really don’t hurt, I’m fine!” Nishinoya said, but still sat down despite the reluctance in his voice. Why did you always have ointment in your bag anyway? Compared to him, you barely ever got hurt.

“They will if the ball keeps hitting them,” You retort, huffing quietly while you rubbed the ointment onto the purple spots on his arm. “Stop resisting.”

For the first time, he decided to take notice of your knitted brows and slight pout. Why did you seem so upset? You weren’t the one getting hurt, he’d already assured you that he was fine, and you didn’t have to care so much about him. The subtle look of concern everyone else gave was already more than enough, why did you have to go the extra mile?

And for the first time, the dots in his head started to connect. Maybe, you were worried for him. Maybe, you hated to see him injured as much as he hated to see you frown. Maybe, you liked him as much as he liked you.

“Thanks,” Nishinoya mumbled, all his usual confidence replaced by demureness.

“You’re welcome,” your voice was as soothing as ever, the immense concentration in your eyes stirring something in his chest.

At that moment, everything disappeared. The ache in his thighs, the leftover adrenaline in his veins, the thumping of his heart; everything was drowned out by the featherlight touch of your fingers on his skin.

At that moment, the weight of his arm limp in your hand and the coolness of the ointment on your fingertips told of the trust he had in you. In the warmth of his skin against yours, you felt his new vow—”I’ll take better care of myself to not worry you.”

And at that moment, all he could feel was your fingers rubbing comforting circles on his arm and your silent plea—”I don’t want you to hurt, ever.”

ii.

After days and weeks and months of the push and pull game you had engaged Nishinoya in, he finally scored a date with you. It was in the middle of summer when you agreed to meet him at the park, where the summer festival was held.

Coincidentally, it was the day of the Star Festival, and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was all on purpose. Only Nishinoya would choose such a day, the only day Vega and Altair were allowed to meet, to be the day of your first date. (Well, if it was on purpose, you sure hoped that you’ll still see him the next day. You didn’t want the first date to be the last, after all.)

“Noya, you’re late,” you chastised, watching him jog over to you with a huge smile plastered on his face.

“Sorry,” he laughed, tugging you along to the stands. Immediately, you were swept up by his antics and found yourself having a blast. It was just like him to easily infect you with joy and laughter, just like him to make you forget all your worries.

Spending time with him always felt like a magic carpet ride, bringing you to new places you never knew existed and making you feel emotions you never knew you could feel. It was intoxicating, and soon you found yourself drunk off the dream-like atmosphere.

After hanging your slip of paper with your wish on the wish tree, you turned to Nishinoya. For a second, it felt like a scene from one of your many dreams was playing right before your eyes. His hands firmly pressed together in a fervent prayer for his wish to come true, his brows knitted in the concentration you only ever saw when he was on the court, his lips pursed in unspoken yearning.

Silently, you wondered what he was wishing so desperately for. What more could he ask for, if he already had everything? What could the wish tree bring that he couldn’t attain with his effort?

(He wanted a lot of things, and all of them were related to you.)

His eyes instantly met yours when they finally opened. As if his wish had already been granted, a brilliant smile spread across his face. He fidgeted a little, hands searching himself for an almost-forgotten gift.

“For you,” he beamed, holding out a single forget-me-not. Some of its petals had already fallen from being jostled around throughout the evening, yet it still stood tall and proud, all its yellow and blue on display.

Taking it graciously, you could barely find the words to express the loud drumming of your heart in your chest. Before you could embarrass yourself with a haphazard word of thanks, a gust of wind blew.

The swaying strips of paper on the tree behind Nishinoya painted a meteor shower around his silhouette, adorning his already ethereal form with an otherworldly halo. Along with the wind was the smell of your shampoo, and almost as if he were one of Pavlov’s dogs, his heart instantly started racing and the tension in his shoulders dissipated.

In the wind was you, and in his lungs was the final push for him to fall down the rabbit hole. In the familiar scent of you was your wordless gratitude—”You give me a reason to smile.”

And in the wind was him, and held tight in your hands was the embodiment of his adoration. Under the full moon and colourful lights of the festival, no words were needed. In the sweet scent of the forget-me-not was his shy confession—”You make my heart pound, yet put me at so much ease.”

iii.

“I’m home,” you called out just as you stepped into your apartment and met Nishinoya’s eyes. Instantly, you recognised the nervous glint in his eyes, one you only saw when he broke something after getting carried away with Tanaka. “What did you do now, Yuu?”

“It’s nothing bad!” He was quick to defend himself, even quicker to unload the bags from your tired arms. Ever since you started officially dating Nishinoya, him being in your house on the weekends became a common occurrence.

Following him into your usually pristine kitchen, shock smacked you over the top of your head and sent you stumbling. It was a disaster zone, the counters littered with broken eggs and flour, and a mountain of dirty bowls in the sink. The oven dinged, bringing your attention to a suspicious mound inside.

“Were you baking?” You frowned, examining the crinkled top of the cake.

“Well, it’s our anniversary, and you like cake,” Nishinoya mumbled, pointedly staring at his creation. It wasn’t that bad, but it definitely made you hesitate to have a taste. “It’s your favourite kind, I’m sure you’ll like it!”

In his childlike confidence, you found yourself sighing in defeat. There was no way you could refuse when he was looking at you with so much hope in his eyes.

“Looks like we have two cakes to eat then,” you smiled fondly at him, pulling out a small box from one of the bags you brought home. “I got a slice from the bakery down the street.”

“We must be telepathic!” He exclaimed, excitedly unboxing the store bought slice and setting it next to his home baked one. The stark difference in appearance and his unabashed pride in his cake was hilarious yet endearing.

Deciding not to judge a book by its cover, you coaxed yourself to taste a fallen piece from the fruit of Nishinoya’s labour. Simultaneously, Nishinoya took a bite of the cake you had bought.

In the sweetness of the frosting and the fluffiness of the sponge cake, all Nishinoya could taste was your bashful devotion—”I only want the best for you.”

And in the saltiness of the crumbly cake(he must’ve gotten the salt and sugar mixed up again), all you could taste was his bold resolve—”I’ll do anything for you.”

iv.

“I want to travel the world.” Your fingers that were deftly twirling his hair came to a stop at Nishinoya’s sudden declaration.

“Do you have the money to go?” You asked, mind starting to wander. You’d always known that Nishinoya was a bird meant to fly, always known that Japan was unable to contain his huge dreams, always known that he would jump at any opportunity to explore the unknown. Yet, hearing it outright caught you off guard and got you worrying.

He was still young, still inexperienced, still naive. You saw these as reasons he should stay, he saw them as reasons he should go; for you were careful and he was carefree.

“I have a plan.” He replied, resolution strong in his voice. The confidence he usually emitted was now unable to reassure you, unable to drive away the darkness called unease from your heart.

“How long will you be gone?” With all your being, you wished that he would laugh and tell you it was a joke, like he always did.

“As long as it takes,” shrugging, he shifted to meet your eyes. In the intensity of his gaze, you knew he wasn’t joking. He was dead serious about it, and nothing you said would make him stay.

It wasn’t the first time you heard about his dream of travelling the world and experiencing everything he could, it wasn’t the first time you felt this helpless, and it definitely wasn’t the first time you feared his departure.

Somewhere deep in your heart was fear—a lot of fear. You were afraid of holding him back, afraid of watching him leave and never return, afraid of being away from him. But the day when you had to stop running away from the fear was bound to come; it was inescapable.

“I’m not breaking up with you, of course,” as if he could hear your fears, he continued. “We’ll keep in contact. We may be physically apart, but I’ll never leave. We’re in this together, aren’t we?”

“We are.” You said, mustering all the conviction you could find. Whether it was to convince him or to convince yourself, you weren’t sure.

It took weeks of preparation and arrangements before Nishinoya was able to fly off. You had contemplated if you should send him off, since you were sure to break down in tears once he stepped through the departure gates, but decided to go to the airport anyway. All for seeing him just a little more.

“Wait for me, yeah?” Nishinoya muttered, face buried in your neck as he pulled you in a tight embrace. You hoped the strength in his grip wasn’t due to a hesitance at the last minute.

“I don’t know how I’ll do it without you,” you confessed, not realising the arrows your words pierced through his heart.

In your shaky voice and shallow breaths, he heard your reluctant promise—”No matter how long it takes, I’ll always be right there waiting for you.”

And in his rare moment of silence, you heard his wholehearted oath—”No matter how far I go, I’ll always come back to you.”

v.

Years had passed, both Nishinoya and you had grown more mature, more accustomed to only seeing each other once a year, more familiar with loneliness. But now, Nishinoya’s desire to explore has been satiated, and his journey around the globe has come to an end. He was back.

“Yuu!” The elation in your voice easily drowned out his calling of your name, earning a few glances from the passersby in the airport.

Cupping his cheeks in your hands and resting your forehead against his, you closed your eyes and let out a content sigh. He immediately mirrored you, basking in your presence.

“I’m home,” Nishinoya whispered, pulling away.

“You’re home.” You reciprocated, taking all of him in. He was a little tanner than the previous time you saw him, his eyes a little brighter.

For the first time since you last saw him, everything felt right. With him back, a monotony you never noticed was relieved. With you back, a stability he had forgotten was restored. Being back together brought back memories of the past and gave hope for the future. To be a tad dramatic, you never felt quite as alive when he wasn’t by your side.

Just like the love stories and romance movies, everything around the both of you faded to nothingness. For a split second, it was just the two of you in the entire universe. For that split second, nothing else mattered, since you were with Nishinoya, and he wasn’t going anywhere else.

And in that split second, he decided that it was now or never.

Taking a step away, he fumbled for something in his pocket. As he sunk to one knee, realisation settled in your mind. Oh, oh.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” Nishinoya declared, eyes glazed over and smile full of anticipation.

In the glittering diamond seated atop the silver band he held up, you saw his wish hung upon the wish tree—

And in the glimmering tears streaming down your cheeks as you nodded your head yes, he saw your wish hung upon the wish tree—

“Stay with me, forever.”

—

[detransexual]

Im struggling with femininity at this point in my detransition. I have so many thoughts about it, ill try to not go on forever but bear with me.

I know i dont have to be 100% gender non conforming, i know a long flowy dress in summer isnt exactly anti feminist, but it certainly isnt rejecting the ideals that are already in place either. I dont like wearing makeup, it fucks with my perception of myself, but being able to cover up the ever present shadow of facial hair is really relieving. I dont like wearing bras, but a very slightly cupped/padded sportsbra makes a (surprisingly) big difference in making me look like a flatchested woman rather than a dude. I dont like the concept of plastic surgery or surgery in general, but i would love to look more normal even without prosthetics or just a bra, i would to look a little closer to what i should have been like. I miss them the most in the context of sex, and it makes me sad that i always bound and hid them from my girlfriends rather than allow my whole body to be loved and seen as acceptable. Even though im happier about my chest now than i was pre surgery, i wish it had just been a reduction, scars (even of the size i have now) wouldnt be nearly as painful a reminder than the (almost, there's still like, a little more breast tissue than a bio male with my body weight/muscle/fat ratio would have? ) complete lack of tissue.

There are things im happy about, and i was actually a bit sad to notice my body hair has gotten lighter and that my clitoris is not as sensitive or quite as "full"/big as it was on T, because im still really happy about those changes, they've both made me feel MORE comfortable as a woman and in my body.

I dont think id dislike my voice as much if people, particularly (or perhaps exclusively?) other women, still recognised me as a woman with it. Its not a bad voice, its just not really mine, and its not a voice i can freely use without thought or consequence. my voice was already quite deep, especially if i wanted it to be, so it would have been better as it was.

There's still a lot that i dont know where i stand, and since ive always been unsure of who i am and shit, and since ive been so certain in things i was wrong about, its hard to commit, its scary. Both permanent changes and coming out again are very distant, both because i need time and because it takes time to get help again.

But all of this is making me struggle with femininity, it makes it easier to pass, and in turn not be reminded of the whole ordeal, although it also makes me more focused on it, which is probably gonna turn out just as harmful as when i was focusing on the opposite in my original transition.

I dont want to buy into exploitative and objectifying behavioirs, but i feel very very isolated and alienated from other women, something ive felt since i was very, very small, but this is different.

Feeling alienated as a kid was rough, and i desperately clung to what was expected of me, trying to fit in, trying to make myself "right", and ofcourse it was painful, but it was more internal than external.

During my trans-identified years, the alienation became explainable, and being alienated from other girls and women felt like a given, ofcourse thats how it was supposed to be since i was a boy! And i didnt feel trult alienated from boys until i was in my late teens and early 20s living stealth, and suddenly i had to pretend to be someone else in order to fit in. there was a huge difference between being the tomboy friend and actually being "one of the boys". You hear and see very different things when they dont think there's any girls or women around.

But after realising i neither could nor wanted to fit in with men, i gradually realised i was no longer just feeling alienated from other women, but i actually was. Its hard to connect with other women, make friends or exist in female spaces when you're no longer seen as a woman if you open your mouth, and i know thats nothing that overt femininity would change, but i honestly dont know how else to "compensate".

Meeting other detrans women has been wonderful, and i definitely wish i knew more gnc and butch women, but i just cant seem to find any in real life, ive yet to find any real women's spaces that arent "for women and anyone who doesnt identify as a cis-man :)".

I dont want to have to be feminine to be seen as a woman, i dont want to reinforce to myself or others that womanhood=femininity, i dont want to reinforce or portray detransition as meaning becoming genderconforming or like "accepting" and falling into stereotypes or "becoming a REAL woman" through femininity and gender roles. I dont want that, but i dont know how to balance what i want for myself with what would make my own existence less painful and what i think is "right".

I want to be able to be a visbly gender non conforming WOMAN rather than being seen as a gender conforming man, but being a gender conforming woman often makes ne appear and sometimes feel more like a gender non conforming man anyway. I dont know how to balance it all, and im torn between wanting to be a boghag and wanting to perform excessive femininity.

[yoon-kooks]

Two Tones of a Tabby- pt.I

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader 

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Bildungsroman, Idol!Taehyung 

Summary: Upon graduating from university, you embark on your first and last summer adventure to explore the wonders of the world with complete independence before becoming confined to a cubicle when autumn begins. But as fate would have it, a chance encounter with a troubled idol in search of his own kind of freedom threatens the solo aspect of your trip. 

Word Count: 2.4k 

Parts: I II III IV V

A/N: this was supposed to be a lengthy oneshot, but i guess itll be another series instead (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻  and im screaming at myself for being extra enough to write bildungsroman as the genre. it’s basically just a fancy term for coming-of-age and the longest word in my vocabulary LMAO.

T is for Taehyung 

“travel diary entry #1- it’s 5pm, been stuck at incheon since like 6 in the morning and nothing remotely interesting has happened because this is a fucking airport. if there’s one more flight delay, i think i’m going to combust.”

With a sigh, you drop your pen between the first two pages of your journal to reveal a red cover with tiny tigers running across it. The first spontaneous purchase of your vacation is already proving its worth through the countless flight delays you’ve had to endure thus far. Your mother would’ve told the younger version of yourself not to waste money on a journal at an overpriced airport kiosk unless you were going to write in every single page from beginning to end. Maybe you wouldn’t have made use of such a sentimental object as a child, but as time went on, you’ve grown. Besides, no one’s here to stop you and your rash decisions. You’re on your own.

Or so you think.

All at once, a rush of humans and cameras flood the airport walkway that had been otherwise quiet for the past 11 hours. You notice some young folks get up from their seats with their phone cameras ready to get a better view of whoever it is. A celebrity? You’d get up off your ass to check out what the big deal is, but honestly, you have no idea what all the youngsters are into nowadays. Maybe that’s your own fault for paying more attention to your studies and workload than pop culture and current events. So you decide to stay back and eat your slice of pizza that had gone cold as you were busy writing.

Even from afar, you can see the huge moving cluster of people and bombardment of camera flashes. Is that even legal? Does personal space not exist when you’re a celebrity? Do celebrities ever grow tired of not being able to live freely? Those are the thoughts you have as you munch on your dinner.

Mid-bite, you watch as a black mullet pops up from the crowd with a few sleepy waves. You could swear, for just an instant, he makes eye contact with you, the only person sitting that far away from the chaos. His dark eyes reflect something more—something beyond what the rest of his nonchalant body language shows. With half of your pizza hanging out of your mouth, you give him a polite wave with crumby fingers, although you’re sure he had already looked away by then.

And just like that, the airport finds peace once more. You wonder if you should pull out your journal and write another entry about your fateful encounter with an unknown celebrity who accidentally made eye contact with you for 0.3 seconds.

Beep! “Attention: Now boarding, Flight 1230.” You leap off your seat as soon as you hear that your flight hasn’t been delayed for the thousandth time. Checking twice to make sure you aren’t leaving any of your belongings behind, you lug your carry-on bag with you to the boarding area.

Finally, your solo trip has begun.

Once you’re settled into your seat on the plane, you try to remember what the fuck you were thinking about before boarding. Ah yes, your eye contact with Mr. Celebrity. How could you forget?

You dig through your bag and pull out your tiger journal. For a good minute, you just stare at it, having an internal debate on whether or not to waste a page on another dumb event at the airport. Nah. It’s too late now. Maybe if he was a celebrity you knew, your heart would’ve leapt, and only then would it be worth recording into your journal. But you’d rather leave space for memories that perhaps hold more weight to you.

All that remains engraved in your mind from the occurrence are the boy’s eyes. They were fill with darkness as if they were hiding a secret of some sort, and he had awfully beautiful eyelashes that could be seen from a mile away. So for the sake of it, you draw just his eyelashes, which look mildly creepy on their own beneath your entry on the flight delays.

For the rest of the flight, you try to rid yourself of that one instance and get some rest, but for some reason, it’s more difficult than it should be. As much as you’d like to think of yourself as someone with a carefree personality, little things like this actually bug you quite a bit.

Something about the whole thing is unsettling. You aren’t sure if it’s because of the bombardment of cameras, the lack of personal space, the troubled look in the boy’s eyes, or the fact that that was the most action you’d gotten all day. But nonetheless, something just feels off.

Perhaps the only way you’re able to find peace is by telling yourself that there’s nothing you can do about it. The boy doesn’t know you, you don’t know him, and that’s that. You just want to enjoy your trip and not have to worry about anything—especially not a boy.

So you close your eyes and dream of all the yummy food you’ll eat over the course of your adventures. That's the only travel plan you have so far. Everything else will happen as it comes.

-

After the long flight, the first thing you do is stretch and breath in some fresh air. The sky is blue and the morning sun is radiating down on your jet-lagged body. As much as you’d love to find a hotel to rid yourself of your bulky luggage and take a nap, you don’t have time for that. You’re eager to explore, and that alone is already more than enough to energize your mind and soul.

You wander around the streets in search of the no.1 thing on your mind: food. Rather than use a GPS or Yelp, you leave it up to your intuition and stomach. And somehow, you’re led into an empty café with fancy coffees and desserts.

To give off the least amount of touristy vibes, you shove your luggage beneath the table for two and begin to browse your food options. You lowkey want to eat everything that’s pictured on the menu, but you have to remind yourself that you still have a long trip ahead of you, so there’ll most definitely be plenty of other opportunities for good food. After careful consideration, you settle on an iced mocha and a slice of strawberry sponge cake. A caffeine and sugar rush can’t hurt.

As you wait for your food, you wonder why the café is so empty. Perhaps it has a bad review on Yelp and you would’ve known that if you’d just checked your phone. Maybe the food quality is shit, or maybe the service is terrible, or maybe they know something that you don’t. Oops.

But it takes less than five minutes for your food to be served with Instagram-quality presentation. The strawberry sponge cake looks moist and delicate with pink flower sprinkles that glisten in the sunlight, and the mocha has a cute kitten drawn on the handcrafted foam. But to be honest, you kind of care more about the taste—which is also surprisingly quite delicious by your standards.

You suppose you shouldn’t worry as long as the food tastes good, so you pull out your journal again and write another entry as you enjoy your breakfast.

“travel diary entry #2: got off the plane, stopped at a cute café with no one in it, which is lowkey shady, but whatever. the food tastes good lol. oh and the mocha has a kitten drawn on it to match the tigers on this journal. is this what they call fate?? LMAO jkjkjkjkjk-”

“I’ll order what that customer is eating—except no coffee, please,” a soft and mellow voice interrupts your train of thought. You had been so absorbed in your food and writing that you didn’t realize another customer had appeared. Maybe the café isn’t so shady after all. Your intuition hasn’t failed you.

As you take a sip of your mocha, you casually glance over at the table across from where you’re seated and nearly spit out your entire drink—not because it tastes bad, but because you recognize the long eyelashes. It’s the eyelash boy from the airport.

Between bites of your cake, you keep sneaking peeks at the boy, who’s actually a lot more handsome now that you can see his features up close. With his loosely styled hair, his expensive yet questionable taste in fashion, and his gorgeous looks, there’s no doubt he holds some sort of fame status.

Apparently you’ve stared for too long because he catches you and deadass rolls his eyes. As if you’re doing something wrong.

“If you’re waiting for an autograph or something, you aren’t getting one,” he finally says to you. An autograph? You don’t even know who the fuck this guy is, and he thinks you want his autograph?

“Excuse me?” You narrow your eyes at the celebrity.

“I know you’re one of the fans from the airport. You waved at me with pizza hanging out of your mouth.” You’re half embarrassed by the fact that he witnessed The Great Pizza Incident, and half offended by the fact that he called you a “fan”. Because you’re certainly no fan of his.

“Last time I checked, I was sitting at this café before you, so there’s no need for you to assume I’m one of your crazed fans who follow you around everywhere.”

“And yet, somehow out of all the places in the world, you happen to travel to the same exact city as me,” he scoffs. “Don’t pretend like this is a coincidence.” His thick-skulled ass doesn’t believe you, and you can’t believe it. What did you do to deserve this?

“If you think I somehow found your schedule and took this vacation for the sole purpose of seeing my favorite celebrity, then you’re either paranoid or way too conceited,” you say. “I don’t even know who you are, or why there were so many fans chasing you around the airport. I’m just here to enjoy my trip, so leave me the fuck out of your problems.” It comes out a little harsher than you’d like, but hopefully it’ll get the point across that you aren’t a fan blinded by love.

Out of shock, the boy just blinks at you. He’s probably not used to being scolded straight to his pretty face. But he deserved it, and to your surprise, he apologizes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to take out my frustrations on you,” he pulls back and bites his lip, “especially when you chose to stay away from the airport chaos.” At least he’s willing to own up to his mistakes.

“It’s fine… I’m not actually that mad… I just didn’t want to be wrongly accused of being a stalker, you know?” You soften your expression to ease the tension. “Besides, I’m sure it happens to you all the time.”

He nods in silence as he stares down at his strawberry cake. It seems celebrities do get overwhelmed and sick of living with no privacy. Maybe this boy just happens to have reached his tipping point.

“Look, I’m sorry you have to deal with constant bullshit like that. Everyone deserves the freedom and space to do whatever they wish (as long as it’s legal),” you say, finishing off your last bite of cake. “That’s actually the reason I decided to take this solo vacation—to take time away for myself!” You aren’t sure why you share this last bit of information with the boy, especially when you hadn’t told any friend or family about your spontaneous trip, but it just feels right to let him know that he’s not the only one in search of a liberation of some sort.

“I wish I could be a free spirit like you,” he chuckles for the first time, and it’s really fucking cute. “Maybe that’s why I’m taking this trip too—to loosen up a bit and do what I want, rather than conform to what the world expects of me.”

“Well you aren’t off to a great start, to be honest,” you tease him as you receive the bill from your waiter. As soon as you see how much you have to pay, your mouth forms a big O because you realize why the café is so empty. It costs you a lot more than you’d like to spend on some coffee and cake. But despite the overpriced food, you don’t feel terrible about your stay.

Just as you’re about to get up to pay at the register, you’re blocked by the boy who’s suddenly trying to act like a gentleman. “Let me pay for it… as an apology for interrupting your breakfast. And by the way, who eats cake for breakfast?”

“You ordered the same thing as me!” This guy is unbelievable, but also amusing. “And it’s fine. I may not be a celebrity like you, but I can pay for my own food. Thanks anyway, Mr. Celebrity.” You smile at him before making your payment at the counter. Something about his cute frown from the rejection makes you die a little.

“Then let me take you out,” he blurts out, perhaps on the spur of the moment. “I-I mean… unless you have plans later.”

You take a long moment to stare at the boy who had accused you of being a stalker less than an hour ago. Oh how the tables have turned. The spontaneity of travelling with someone you just met certainly will spice up your adventure—for better or worse. Somewhere in you, a fire is lit. So you shake your head, “I don’t have any plans. After all, I’m a free spirit as you like to call me.”

“Then what would you like to be called?”

“Y/N.”

“Right. Y/N. Then… I’m T?”

“T? Is that what your real name starts with?” you chuckle. “And why do you sound so suspicious?”

“Wait, you really don’t know who I am?”

“I really fucking don’t.”

You hear him mumble something about fires and deoxyribonucleic acid, as if you should get the references. But you suppose you’re too much of an uncultured swine to pick up what he’s putting down.

“Good.” For some reason, he looks relieved that you’re unaware of his celebrity self. “Just call me Taehyung then.”

[psychosunflower-blog]

Size||Why don't we||Preference four♡

Summary: You struggle with your size, even though they think you are the most beautiful girl in the world.

Words:3406

Warnings:None

Requested:Not on here

A/n:Every single one of you are beautiful! Taken from my Wattpad:)

Daniel Seavey- You stood in the room you and Daniel shared at the Why Don't we house, your shirt rolled up to the bottom of your bra, as tears streamed down your face. When you were younger you were a little heavier than most, causing some asshole people to make fun of it and you. Over the last 2 years you had started working out 3 times a week and you had noticed a huge difference from how you once looked and felt, some of that having to do with working out and some of that having to do with Daniel, he had made you feel so incredibly beautiful. Your mental health along with your actual health had been improving so much and not a day went by where Daniel didn't tell you that he was proud of you and that you were beautiful, he knew how much you struggled with your self image and did anything he could to help you. But all the hard work you had seem to do undid its self a few days ago, the words replaying in your head over and over again.

You and Daniel had gone out to eat lunch, he had been so busy in the studio that he hadn't had much time to spend with you over the last week so he had taken you out to a nice lunch before you spent the day together.

After you had sat down, he excused himself to the bathroom after telling you want he wanted so you would order for the two of you.

When the waitress from the restaurant came over to the table where the two of you sat by the window you could instantly tell she wasn't in the best mood, so you tried to be extra nice and smile more, thinking maybe she had just dealt with a really rude person and could use one.

After you had told her what Daniel had wanted you glanced at the menu one more time before shutting it and tell her what you wanted. Instead of writing it down, she looked at you with an eyebrow raised.

"You sure you want to order that?" She asked, you looked at her confused. Was it bad?

"Yeah why?" You asked, your voice a little softer than it had once been.

"Its a lot of calories,Maybe try a salad honey. If you get any fatter he isn't gonna stick around" She laughed before writing down what you had once ordered and then snatched the menu from your hands and walked away, shaking her head in the process.

You looked down at your hands, tears brimming in your eyes.

You were taken out of your thoughts when Daniel opened the door and walked through, stopping right away when he saw the tears following down your face. You quickly shoved your shirt down and walked over to the bed, sitting down and wiping the tears away that were falling from your eyes.

"Baby, whats wrong?" he asked, shutting the door behind him and getting on the bed, sitting criss cross apple sauce facing you.

"Am I getting fat to you?" you blurted out, shock and sadness plastered his face. Daniel never really understood why you were so self conscious, from the moment he met you he thought you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and even though he was proud of you for working out and trying to better yourself he never even thought for a second that you needed to lose weight and he could've cared less if you gained. You would always be perfect to him, no matter what.

"What baby? No why would you ask that?" He asked, reaching his arms out and pulling you onto his lap, your head now leaning on his shoulder as your legs hung over his lap and on the bed.

"When we went for lunch the other day.. you went to the bathroom and when I ordered for myself she asked me if I was sure thats what I wanted because it was a lot of calories and she told me if I got any fatter you wouldn't stick around"You told him, not looking into his eyes anymore as you whispered the ended, not wanting to say it yourself.

"Excuse me?" He asked, anger breaking out all over his face.

"She said what?!" He hissed. He brought his fingers to your chin, making your head tilt up and your eyes connect with his.

"Y/n, you are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my whole life. I thought that from the moment you walked into the Bakery that day and Ive thought it everyday since. If you lose fifty pounds or gain fifty pounds you will still be the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. Please don't listen to a stupid girl like her. I love you so much babygirl and nothing you could ever say or do would make me leave you, even more so over something silly like weight. I love you for you, not what you look like.”

Jack Avery- You sat on the couch in the living room of the Why Don't we house, looking through the comments of the most recent post Jack had posted of the two of you. Hating yourself more as you continued.

You had always been skinny, skinnier than most. When you were 13 you were diagnosed with an over working thyroid, which meant it burned off an extreme amount of calories causing not a lot of fats to stay in your body. It was something you were extremely self conscious about, you felt like everyone judged you as soon as they saw you and being in a bathing suit was something you had absolutely hated, and of course that was what you were wearing in the photo. Daniel had taken the photo of the two of you when you, the boys and a few of their girlfriends had a pool party. From the moment Jack saw it he fell in love with it, the way the two of you were looking at each other seemed to capture the love you two shared, but what you and everyone seemed to see was how Skinny you were.

Wdwfanforever Does she even eat?

Seaveymydaniel her legs or a stick? 99% Of americans can't tell the difference

Jackypooavery Someone get this girl a burger

And that was just the start of them, there were hundreds of them,  basically all saying the same thing. On some level you had always hoped people wouldn't notice, that it was just a you thing but after today you knew it wasn't

"Hey baby whats up?" Jack asked, smiling at you as he walked in. You quickly shut your phone off and sat up to meet his eyes.

"Nothing really, just trying to figure out what show to watch on netlfix. I was texting Adi for some advice" You lied, giving jack a fake smile. The only other time you had gotten hate was when you two had first went public with your relationship and Jack was absolutely furious.

"Jack have you seen all the comments on your post?" Daniel frowned coming into the living room with his phone in his hand. While Jack looked to Daniel you shook your head fast, hoping he would get the hint and drop it, but Jack looked back at you before you could stop and scrunched his eyebrows together looking back and fourth between the two of you.

He pulled out his phone when you stopped him, taking his hands and phone in yours before making eye contact with him.

"Jack, really its nothing. Please just let it go and don't get angry" You pleaded, but then Daniel opened his mouth.

"Its not nothing Y/n!" He said, Daniel had been your best friend growing up, him being the one who introduced the two of you and he had always been protective of you.

"Daniel please!" You yelled standing up, looking at him somewhat angrily in his eyes.

"Would someone please tell me what the fuck is going on!" Jack said, now leaving his spot from the couch and standing up as well.

Daniel handed Jack his phone, of course already on the post with the comments on his screen.

Jack sat back down has his face fell, reading comment after comment.

"Could you give us a second?" He asked, talking to Daniel but not lifting his eyes up from the phone, not stopping reading more and more comments. Daniel didn't say anything, he just nodded and walked out of the room. He shut the phone off and threw it on the couch, sticking his hand up, reaching for yours. Once yours and Jacks hands connected he gently pulled you to him and sat you on his lap.

Jacks hands cupped your cheeks before his eyes locked with yours.

"When I first met you I knew I was falling in love with you when I saw you having that eating competition with Jonah, and the best part was you won" He started causing you to giggle but your eyes never unlocking with his.

"I know we never talk about how self conscious you are, I catch you looking at your body in the mirror after a shower or the way you feel uncomfortable when you aren't wearing a hoodie. I never bring it up because I never want to upset you, but so many times have I been sitting and watching you while you laugh or when you break out into those terrible dance moves of yours when one of our songs play and overtime all I can think about is how fucking beautiful you are. Y/n, you are the most beautiful girl Ive ever seen, everyday you take my breath away and weather you are 100 pounds or 200 pounds my opinion on you will never change" Once he finished you had tears threatening to fall, god you loved this boy.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, placing with the hair that laid around the base before putting your forehead on his.

"I love you so much Jack Avery"

Jonan Marias- "You aren't fat per say, you're just a plus size model" Your friend told you as you took a bite from your chicken wrap as the two of you were at lunch. You instantly stopped eating your food and put it back down on the plate your face dropping completely as you pushed the food away from you, no longer hungry.

"Excuse me?" a guy asked, raged filling his whole voice, looking between you're friend and you. You had no idea who he was, but he was hands down the most beautiful human you had ever seen in your life. He was tall and had brown hair, with the most beautiful blue eyes you had ever seen.

"What?" Your friend snapped, obviously not liking the tone he was using. The boy looked at her in disgust while you just sat there watching.

"Why would you say something like that?" He asked, you had no idea why a stranger would get so angry over a comment like this, your 'friend' said stuff like this to you all the time and even though you tried to get use to it, it still hurt a little.

"Well its the truth" She said, rolling her eyes as she took another bite of her salad.

"The truth? The truth is she is one of the most beautiful girls Ive ever seen. The truth is that when I walked through the door my heart started beating a little faster once I saw her. The truth is that she deserves a hell of a lot better friends than you" He snapped, causing a blush to break out on your face as the two of you locked eyes, he winked at you before turning his attention back to the bitch eating in front of you.

"I think Im gonna go, Call me next week" She snapped, picking up her bag and rolling her eyes.

"Yeah she won't be doing that. I hope you step in dog shit" He called just before she walked out the door causing you to explode into a fit of giggles.

"Now, Im Jonah and Id like to buy you coffee" He said, taking a seat where your friend had once sat.

"Im y/n" You smiled, looking into his eyes once again.

Zach Herron- The boys had gotten a brand deal with Adidas, they had pictures of a group and then each boys had pictures with a different girl, and of course you couldn't help but stair at Zachs picture. Although you knew it was a photo shoot you couldn't help but feel a pang in your chest, the way he was holding her skinny body, the way their faces were lit up with happiness, it hurt you. You always felt like Zach could do better, he could go out and find someone prettier, skinner, someone who would look better with him, but he chose you and everyday you wondered why more and more than the last.

"Whats wrong?" Jonah asked, walking outside to the patio where you sat, you hadn't realized the frown that was forming on your face until you looked up to see Jonah with a worried expression on his face. Since you had moved into the Why don't we house Jonah had become like an older brother to you, he cared about you the way a brother would and even Zach had to admit that the two of you had adorable brother/sister moments that the fans just loved.

He sat on the end of the lounge as you brought your feet up to your chest. You handed him your phone, his face filling with confusion.

"Why are you looking at this?" He questioned, feeling like he knew the answer already.

"Because look at her, he could do so much better than me. She's so much prettier than me, she's skinner and her smile looks amazing. The way they look at each other makes me realize that maybe Im not what Zach wants anymore, not when he knows he could have someone like her" You told Jonah.

"Y/n.." Zach said from behind you, causing you to jump. Your face went pale, not wanting him to hear the words that had left your mouth.

"Im gonna go" Jonah trailed off, putting your phone beside your feet and running inside, knowing that the two of you had a lot to talk about now.

Zach took Jonah's spot at the end of your feet, taking one of your hands in his.

"She will never be better than you, no one ever will be. No one else's eyes will sparkle like Diamonds in the sun, at least not like yours does. No ones laugh with make my heart melt completely overtime, not like yours does. No one will make me want to get out of bed everyday and make amazing things happen, not like you do. No one will make me fall in love all over again just by one simple kiss, not the way you do. You are one of a kind, you are it for me. Y/n your body is perfect to me, I love the way it fits in mine at night, I love the way your thighs touch and all your curves that seem to be placed in every right way. You are so fucking beautiful to me. All those girls you say I could get, I don't even notice them. Why would I when I already have my everything right in front of me?"

"I love you so much Zach Herron" You whispered before bringing his face close to yours, pressing your lips on his soft pink ones.

Corbyn Besson- Corbyn and the boys were having a pool party, at first you were a little excited. Although the idea of you in a bathing suit was something you weren't a fan of it was fine because you were comfortable with the boys and you knew that you wouldn't be judged. But your attitude changed quickly when Corbyn had told you that it was going to become more of a party as there were more people coming over. 'Great' You thought to yourself.

At first you had told corybn that you weren't going to come anymore, telling him that you weren't really a party person and He knew that a lot of people in the same space caused you anxiety but he had promised to stay right by your side the whole night and that you two would leave if it all got too over whelming for you. With his puppy dog face and his "Please baby's" You couldn't say no to the boy you were helplessly in love with so you said yes.

You were now at the party, in a bathing suit and feeling extremely uncomfortable, you stood outside by the pool, having a conversation with Jacks girlfriend who you were extremely close too and Corbyn.

"Im gonna go get us a drink okay? Ill be right back" He smiled, kissing your cheek and leaving. You had continued the conversation with Jacks girlfriend until a guy walked up to you, right away you could smell the alcohol on his breath.

"Hey beautiful, why don't we go check out the rooms upstairs" He winked, the idea of throwing up had never sounded like a better idea.

"Um, I don't think her boyfriend would like that very much" Corbyn said coming back with two drinks in his hand, you looked him in the eyes, slightly thanking him for saving you.

"Eh its whatever. She's fat anyways" He chuckled, Cobyn put the drinks down and walked over to him.

"You might want to shut the fuck up" Corbyn snapped, his face red with anger.

"Oh yeah, and what are you gonna do if I don't?" The drunk man asked, stepping closer to Corbyn, who was now only inches apart from him. Corbyn brought his hand back, ready to punch the man when you grabbed it quickly and pulled him back. His eyes met yours and his face softened when he saw the tears threatening to fall.

"Its not worth it, please walk away" You told him, your voice breaking at the end. Jonah and the rest of the boys had heard what happen from Jacks girlfriend and all had rushed outside to see the scene that had just unfolded in front of you.

"Im gonna go get changed" You whispered, his eyes scanning yours before you let go of him and walked into the crowed house and up the stairs to Corbyns room where your overnight bag sat int the corner.

Once you had changed you decided to stay upstairs, not wanting any more social interaction for today, you had simply had enough. You were reading a book on your phone when the door opened and a still upset looking corbyn came walking in to see next to you.

"What he said wasn't true"He said, slightly gripping your chin and brought your face up to eye level.

"You are beautiful, inside and out. I love you y/n" He told you before bringing you into a kiss. He didn't need to give you some huge speech, the way he kissed you made you feel beautiful and honestly that was all you needed.

Maybe that guy didn't get to check out the rooms upstairs, but you and Corbyn did that night;).

_____

If you couldn't tell this imagine was about you struggling with your body. I wrote this because I know many people do, weather it be because you feel to big or too small. I personally struggle with body image issues and I know how it can effect people.

Im hoping that this made some of you feel better if you struggle with the same thing. But I just want you all to know that you are all extremely beautiful people!