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sadisthetic · 2 years

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jaya string of fate au

ive mentioned string of fate au a few times here. ive finally put it together into a post. okay so the reason why ive taken so long to transfer this is bc ITS FROM JULY OF LAST YEAR. i wasnt sure if i should lightly edit it or rewrite it. because it started out as me complaining about rebooted and then me fucking craving fanfiction and hurt (i do this 24/7) and then it morphed into this au that also doubled as character/relationship analysis and me fixing rebooted with my bare fucking hands in the context of this au

anyways. jaya string of fate au with emphasis on the heartbreak of s3. half of this was written half a year ago. man i was so mad about s3 back then lol

been thinking about s3 again. whats even more frustrating about the bad het drama. is that they didnt even give jay and nya a proper break up. granted their get together wasnt on screen either BUT IF YOURE GONNA OH SO RUDELY TEAR THEM APART LIJE THAT. THE LEAST YOU CAN DO IS DO IT WITH MORE FUCKING PURPOSE. THE WRITERS JUST PITCHED A WRENCH INTO THE WORKS AT BULLET SPEED JUST BECAUSE! JUST BECAUSE THEY WANTED DRAMA. BUT FOR WHAT!!!!!!!!! MAKES ME FUCKING MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL IT DID IS DO JAY DIRTY AND NYAS CHARACTER DIRTY

nyas fucking integrity spit on. you didnt have to make her be like that. it just really fucking made her look BAD. god i wont say jay was a perfect boyfriend but he didnt deserve THAT.

anyways. i want a canon compliant jaya breakup fic set in s3 (present jem speaking: I STILL WANT THIS BY THE WAY.) im so certain nobody has written this. i think heartbreak could be a form of whump if you make it hurt enough.

well. technically. it would be more emotional hurt fic rather than whump. but im a guy who has his definitions twisted. this is whump to me. also im a guy who thinks unromantic things as romantic but also loves love thats void of romance above anything else. i can do both. anyways.

i want jay to feel absolutely crushing heartbreak. i want jay to be hurt. i want him to feel it in his chest. unfairness— rending, jealousy— twisting, want— squeezing. all he yearns for is to be with nya. because he loves her. but apparently... nya doesnt feel the same way. and it hurts

i want to consume heartbreak. i think itll be crunchy on the outside but soft and squishy on the inside. absolute chewable pleasure. lightly salty and bittersweet. i also wanna squeeze jays heart like a stress ball and maybe cause arrhythmia. scratch it a little (a lot). jay is my emotional and physical fucking chew toy

and so to make heartbreak a bit more whumpy tho... i thought up of red string of fate au...

in this version of this concept, the red string of fate is something that needs to be tied by the pair together. and the feelings behind it is what gives the string color. but sometimes if a love is fated to be, the red of the string is instantly, intensely vibrant, almost glowing

but you dont know who your soulmate is until you actually get together and tie the knot. it is not preexisting, the string does not connect people together for them to find each other before they even know the other exists. it only exists when two people make the decision to bind each other to themselves. most people dont find their soulmate but because its so often the case ppl are content with someone who isnt bc you dont need to find love in your soulmate alone, love is abundant in other places. but that isnt to say the red string of fate isnt romanticized in society tho. anyways. nya likes jay and their string is a pleasant warm red thats a little pink. its typical color for those who arent soulmates but its ok

jay is a little smitten in a slightly overbearing way tho. i think they are a couple who are a little bit mismatched in terms of showing affection. and also nya is very independent type so jays chivalrous tendencies grates on her a little but she lets it slide bc to her, jays positives outweigh his negs. hes cute and funny and they both can geek out and bond over tech stuff. thats a part of the fun.

but then the match maker thing happens and nya doesnt immediately start considering cole as a romantic interest. but she does start... considering things tho. why cole could be her match. and if he really is her soulmate. why isnt jay her perfect match? its less nya becoming interested in someone else and more nya examining herself to think about what she actually wants for herself and what she wants in a person and if jay really isnt the right guy for her in the end. she doesnt know if cole would actually give her what she wants more than jay does. but she does grow more aware of the mismatch between her and jay

but before anything could be done about her doubts and dismiss it all and just carry on with their relationship, jay finds out in the trailer and is devastated. and intensely jealous of cole.. because hes been a bit insecure about his and nyas relationship for a while now also. he jumps the gun too quick before nya could reassure him so then that Fight happens and things get messy and ugly really fast. jay makes himself look really bad in front of nya which unfortunately reinforces her doubts in jay and she thinks. maybe they shouldnt be together after all.

and so one night nya talks to jay alone. she explains herself. how shes been feeling about them. how she wants to focus on herself. and that hes too much for her and hes stifling her and she thinks it would be better if they cut things off and go back to being friends. and then she cuts the string that binds them together before jay could even object. it stings for nya but for jay it feels like his heart was sliced in two. literally. he feels a sharp pain that makes him clutch his chest. for nya, she had more time to process the severance. because she was sorta falling out of love for a while. her side of the string has become desaturated and dull. which is why she doesnt hurt as much

she doesnt realize how much jay truly loves her and how much it would hurt him when the string was cut. so when jay falls to his knees, tears falling, she just turns and walks away because she thinks its just from the heartbreak. she knew she was breaking jays heart

she doesnt realize how much hes literally hurting, how she left his heart bleeding. she knew but she didnt know. its most painful experience jay has ever felt in his life. a searing ache. theres a sudden painful void instead where there once was nyas love. its loss that was much too abrupt

heartbreak cant kill a person but it can leave them wounded. and with an abrupt disconnection like that, its why jay hung onto those feelings for nya for months after even tho he never acted on them. his half of the string refused to wither away and he didnt want to discard it either. how could he when he still loved nya. but he couldnt do anything about it though. nya made up her mind. and jay knew her well enough that she would probably hate him more if he chased after her. and so... he kept his feelings close to his chest and his sad, loose thread wrapped around his finger tight all the way until skybound...

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okay. now present day jem speaking. that was the end of original story i had written on twitter... its meant to be a missing scene (inbetween seasons) fic + au. canon compliant except for the fact its set in this au. so skybound more or less carries out the same way. except minor details being changed...

such as nadakhan approaching jay. he tells him he cannot fix or create strings of fate. but he can give him other means of winning nyas heart...

although this isnt a part of the “fic” i do imagine at the end of their divorce era.... nya who had casted away her old string, remakes her string to tie to the end of jays (and her) old one where she cut in. the thing is making strings of fate is something anyone can do regardless of being fated to be or not. what the string of fate is in this au is more of an oath... an intention to be together to the end of time. the two people are choosing to bind their fate to each other. nya, who had felt stifled in a relationship and decided she didnt need to be in one back all the months ago, realized something in skybound.... the string of fate isnt a contract or a shackle. not like how she thought... its a sentiment of how much you care about somebody to want to be connected forever. till death do us part. and jay very sincerely wanted that. he wanted to be with nya forever. and nya realizes... despite all his flaws, she really cares about him. she does want to be with him forever. she wants to be together with everyone, all her friends, her family forever. i think she doesnt know the nature of her feelings for jay. they are a bit conflicted and shes not sure how to sort out her desires from her feelings. but i think she decides to give jay a second chance of sorts. when they tie the loose ends the color on nyas side is an ambiguous grey barely tinging pink

she tells jay she doesnt want to just get back together. she wants them to start over. and jay isnt sure what that means. and by the color of the string hes not sure if it means theyre dating again either. its a very ambiguous ground theyre standing on. but... jay takes the fact that nya retied their string to mean something. that nya isnt rejecting him anymore. that she cares. that he means something to her. it gives jay hope. his feelings for her havent changed... but he decides that to just be. and take things slow. hes happy even if hes confused by what nya wants. hes connected to her again.... and that means so much to jay

i think that their relationship from the end of skybound and onward is a bit more slowburn. well its a weird sorta slowburn. because theyre together but not really. its about them figuring their relationship out. and also nya falling back in love for reals. i love navigation of ambiguous relationships. i think for a while for nya the term “girlfriend”/“boyfriend” is more loaded than the term “soulmate”. thats how fucking weird their relationship got. whats not ambiguous is that nya does love him. she wouldnt have retied their string if she didnt. whats ambiguous is the nature of that love.... its not quite platonic but shes hesitant to call it romantic. whatever. they have time to figure it out

okay. that turned out so much more aro than i was intending. but i do like leaving it like that tho. feelings are difficult to navigate arent they sometimes? how they figure it out is up to whoever. love is love. they are more than “just” friends. but romance itself is a difficult and different beast than love. but jay and nya.... they meet halfway somehow. even if it takes a bit of work

ALSO. LOOK AT THIS ART BY DAN @rotten-dan he drew it for me several months ago when i first finished this au’s original thread which ended at the breakup skdjgthulkd. HEARTBREAK!!!!!!!!!!! YEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thank you again dan for drawing this for me

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also. heres some bonus supplemental worldbuilding that doesnt pertain to story stuff but fleshes out how i picture the world in this au to work. most of this was written to answer dans questions about this au lol... not necessary to read unless if youre interested in my take of string of fate concept lol. or unless youre interested in the bit about bruiseshipping in this au at the very end

the string is often attached to the ring finger. so its a very romantic gesture when couples tie it together to each others fingers. like putting wedding rings on each other but its more of a cute fluffy thing rather than binding. not ceremony but its a Thing. its the same level of formality as asking someone out. and string is like. supernatural. its not completely physical but its definitely exists and can be touched. but not as if a literal string is tied to them if you know what i mean? like if the pair are far apart then the strings middle isnt visible but the ends that are tied floats towards the direction of their partner. the string is like. metaphysical. its a perceivable, somewhat tangible representation of love

but if desired the string can be cut if the parties want to separate. but it usually hurts. like a lot of breakups do.

okay so. the thing is with like. almost all soulmate aus. is that they know about their soulmate. or that the evidence of who it is is instantly visible. and like..... that sorta kills part of the fun? of falling in love?

so what if they dont know until they decide to try each other out first. thats the like. the thought behind the set up for this

like. theres sometimes the occasional dumbass whos going off constantly try to find their soulmate but ultimately a soulmate isnt someone you can simply Search for and find. so those kind of people end up being pricks who never will find a soulmate in their life because they dont want to work things out with ppl who arent their soulmate. the pursuit of a soulmate will usually end in disappointment

but sometimes. for the people who do find their soulmate. its because they gravitated to each other in the first place.

like they fell in love with each other naturally. they liked the person for who they are. and so they decided to get together because they enjoy the other person so much. so when they realize they are meant to be they laugh like oh of course! they were meant to be. theyre like the hallmark movie couple of couples and the few of the very lucky ones

not being soulmates doesnt mean you can only fall in love with your soulmate tho. you can fall in love with anyone. regardless of whether theyre your soulmate or not. and even if theyre not. why does that fucking matter? the important thing isnt that they arent meant to be, but that they love each other anyways. isnt that more romantic? fuck fate the one i love is you

usually nonsoulmate relationship take more work. because the instant perfect chemisty of fated couples isnt there. buuuut. isnt that how love is like in reality? love is work sometimes. love is sometimes hard. but love is also worth it. so making the decision to work for it is more easy the more youre in love. not always the case. but in the healthy couples its usually the case

previously that the feeling behind the thread gives it its color. so. the string can end up being a different color if the feelings felt arent romantic love. most people dont know this though bc ppl who usually tie it are couples. and also it takes both of them to tie the string. every single relationship has a theoretical string color. its just most people who actually want the string are couples usually couples. and so for example, most aros dont ever even think of trying to tie it with someone bc they dont want that kinda bind. but if a curious aro wants to try it out bc they are questioning about their best friend if the two of them agree just to see. their string could actually be a different color than red. because the feelings behind it are platonic

its also entirely possible for a string to be entirely black between enemies hfhjskl. but however those kind of pair would usually NEVER tie the string together bc you know hbghsk. enemies. but if they were. it would be that color. but maybe some insane enemies who are obsessed with each other would do it tho. you know fated enemies and such

..... i have thoughts about bruiseshipping in this au also. theyre best friends, they can bind each other if they wanted to. they have the mutual sentiment required to. but due to the culture surrounding the red string of fate specifically, they never think to. even if they did consider it once they didnt ever bring it up bc awkward!!!!!! the string of fate is the symbol of love. couples treat it a bit frivolously but it is a loaded thing. the string of fate is conversely isnt strictly about love but its just often the case when you want to connect the souls of two people for eternity its usually because of love. theoretically i think their string color would actually oscillate between black and their standard representative color (maybe ill go with light blue lol....) depending on if theyre fighting or not. because it would be funny if it did. also. i think they might try it only after jay and nya retie their string of fate. because then they see its an option to tie strings of fate nonromantically. so theyre like... hey.... do you wanna like... just see? and thats that. two besties bound. jay has two strings of fate now

hysterically it would be funny if all the ninjas did it to each other. it would be a mess. but a colorful one. you know those ship charts where ppl draw lines for their otps and notps. its like that but its not shipping its just relationships and also every single person is connected to every single other person. not saying it has to happen in this au its just that the image of it is so fucking funny to me i had to say it. it would be useful tho if they wanted to find each other wherever they are. practical

maybe they should do that. idk

anyways. thats the end of my au. the post is longer than my og thread of it hjhklkjlkghjf. anyways. thats my weird subversion of string of fate au for jaya. writing the endgame jaya part tonight made think again. damn. im so fucking aro. i think the way i write romance always turn out not so romantic because of it. but also. THIS IS PEAK ROMANCE. SUBVERT BORING ROMANCE TROPES INTO SOMETHING LESS AMATANORMATIVE AND MORE INTERESTING FOR YOUR ENRICHMENT. I RECOMMEND IT. ITS MORE FUN. thats my biased aro ass speaking tho. but for reals. subvert tropes. find out what makes something truly romantic. anyways thanks for reading all of this. i am very fond of this au..... especially for the breakup scene lol...............

#my concepts #jaya #jem.txt #ninjago talk #its shorter than hanahaki au at least #also this is THE MOST aro take on string of fate possible #there might be typos it is 5:30am #ninjago

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childotkw · 1 year

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hello. ive read past the first task (chapter 24? 25? not sure, ill figure it out when i find the time to pick CS back up.) and wow. yes, this is another long one LMAO ! maybe even longer than the previous ask.

20 chapters is a lot to cover my thoughts on so i might skim through a lot!!! an ask i gave u a week-ish ago about hermione being lucius' foster daughter was a lot of initial shock LMAO… it's wildly contrasting to canon. i love how the reveal actually brought in the first mention of changes that voldemort made about muggleborns and the laws surrounding them. the law first off is just horrid… i mean, it obviously had good intentions (e.g. muggleborns not having early experience and magical education before the age of 11 unlike purebloods and lesserbloods) BUT the execution is just bad.

i don't think voldemort's morals are very much in shape in the first place. it's still horrible to take children away and have them raised by absolute strangers. HOWEVER i love hermione and draco being foster-siblings …. + draco isn't as obnoxious as in canon !!! “I’m sure,” the other boy drawled in a practiced manner. “that you have a number of…hidden talents.” draco is hilariously funny and he's so different from the git that is usually portrayed and fanfics. his dynamic with hadrian is really fun to read LMAO.. i thought it was very interesting that draco was chosen as champion for hogwarts but i should've expected it honestly.

i also love hadrian's 'i take no shit' attitude when it comes to the students from the other schools!!! its so fun to read and see how that changes over time as hadrian is displaying how skilled he is/and chosen as champion for beauxbatons.

talking about hadrian being the champion for beauxbatons, JACOB… i originally read/interpreted the scene where he's putting in the piece of paper wrong and thought it was a hogwarts prefect or something. im stupid,,, but i was very ?? shocked but also like,, i should've known.. i shoudve known... i did at first really like jacob's character and i was . extremely sad . but he's also a douchebag

i literally FELT the dread hadrian had when his name was chosen,,, i feel so bad for the boy LMAOFDJS . my theory about the blank paper backfiring was wrong however he still was the champion anyway.

i loved the interactions between riddle & hadrian. it's so funny seeing hadrian miffed about riddle staring. intently at him 24/7 in his class. when hadrian eventually found out it was a manticore and like. how they are basically unbeatable by spells. and the fact that EACH CHAMPION GOT A DIFFERENT CREATURE too... and hadrian just happened to be that fucking unlucky i flipped. sweat pouring down my forehead like what the fuck is bro gonna do... + hadrian sleeping in riddle's office is absolutely hilarious . raina finding out and going '?????' and then 'im not that much of a whore. he is literally this close to going to a nursing home.' real food i had never been fuller

btw this was my thoughts being recorded real time while reading: hadrian s;eeping in proffessor riddle's office is. hilarious imo.. nagini 'you let him in ur bed' is also insanely funny. but also,, a manticore?? A MANTICORE??? hdrian will not have a ogod time.

then the first task was absolutely wild. hadrian is a genius absolute biggest brain,, the environmental magic shit was cool as hell but the DOPPELGANGER?? that's the shit. then hadrian finally getting to the pole and being safe but getting. rammed by the manticore. then sent off to be healed?? severely injured?? almost dead?? then RIDDLE USES LEGILIMENCY ON HIM? wild. i really loved the description on hadrian's mind and.. occlumency. canon harry is absolute shit at occlumency and ybtm harry isn't too much better. the empty (what do i call it?) part of hadrian's occlumency was cool as hell. i've read other fics that talk about occlumency/legilimency and i've never seen a concept like that !!

riddle/voldy finding out about harry's real identity was fatal... and their dynamic absolutely shifted. the tension, the passive aggressiveness in the air was so strong i could feel it through the screen. after the reveal voldy is very easily dislikable imo... bro has me ready to commit homicide because he is an absolute dick. i also think that ??? hadrian having being given the puzzle/hint thingy so much later than the other champions is so unfair but things are just like that i guess.

another thing i found really interesting was lily apparating to the dursley's home. petunia and lily's relationship is bad, but the way it was described through lily's pov explained it!! really well !! you wrote the complex relationship they have extremely well. i find it also clever that lily used muggle transportation which was an obvious choice since she had the option.

i also. had no idea that sirius was actually abernathy until it was outright stated. i felt incredibly stupid that i didn't pick up abernathy's weird dialogue and stuff but oh well ! i know now... anyways, i'll check in again once i've read to like? maybe the second task? have a good day dear author :>

Ooohhh hello again!! I do love the long asks! 🥰

Oof yeah, Voldemort's muggleborn policy is really...not good. Like, in some ways, knowing his history you can understand why he put it into place - but yeah, like you say, his execution isn't the best. He's the epitome of "cool motive, still kidnapping".

I am glad that you like Draco though! He's not always a character I like, but I think in CS we get to see a more softer side of him, particularly when he's with Hermione, and I'm glad I made the decision early on to write him that way. (And him and Hadrian are hilarious. Their asshole energy is amplified when in close proximity and it's what they deserve 😂).

Hadrian's character arc in general is something I'm really proud of in the story - he goes through such a wild ride, and comparing him to where he was in the beginning, it's really obvious the changes he's undergone! His core traits stay the same, but he gets more...real in a way. Less a cut-out doing his mother's will and more an individual.

As for Jacob - yeah. Look. Boy fucked up, and it was funny to watch the flip in people's attitude towards him in the story over time 😂 he screwed Hadrian over, but objectively he's also such a minor thing in the grand scheme of things. They're relationship is an interesting one to be sure!

And Hadrian and Riddle!! I'm so excited to see how you react to them and how their interactions change over the course of the story!! In the beginning they're such a mess - and while they're still a mess 40 chapters later, they're a more coordinated and understanding mess 😂

(I honestly forgot some of their earlier scenes, and the whole 'Hadrian sleeping in his office' which is so dumb because it was ICONIC 😭)

THE FIRST TASK!! God, what a throwback hahaha - Hadrian really got a chance to shine there right before I smacked him down 🤣 And Riddle is an opportunistic little prick, isn't he? I think 'the empty' is a cool way to label it! It really is the ultimate 'empty your mind' defence against intruders!

And the identity reveal - I remember so many being so shocked that I did it so early in the story! And the angry is there but they get better! I promise!

I also like that you highlight Lily going to Petunia. They are the definition of Complex Siblings imo - so thank you! I'm glad you liked that little glimpse at their relationship! And don't feel silly about the Sirius-is-Abernathy reveal. For the longest time I wasn't sure who in the Order I actually wanted him to be, so it took me a while to land on Sirius.

But again - THANK YOU!!!! I love reading these! And it makes me so happy to get to read your thoughts as you go through the story and what pieces you pick up on!

#flourdove #HP #consuming shadows #harry potter #i scream whenever i see you pop up with these in my inbox #💕💕💕💕

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wjsns · 2 years

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and u know what im ready to make my full statement on MENG MEI QI too. the situation is so crazy to me, basically now in 2023 some ujung wont even type out her name because 1. cheating scandal (WHERE SHE WAS THE 3RD PARTY, WASNT EVEN THE PERSON TO CHEAT ON SOMEONE) and 2. doesnt mention wjsn ever and to me that is literally HILARIOUS like, god its just soooo funny to watch everyone pile in with the loudest most popular opinion and not do personal critical thinking, or hey, maybe they did and what mmq did really WAS too much for them to still support her but in that case i raise an eyebrow because idk… a lottt of yall are the same people who will get online and write about loving evil women and letting girls be shitty etc etc and she literally gives you what you asked for on a silver PLATTER, like doing nothing cancellable just giving us a good wholesome woman being evil and selfish and obsessed w herself and everyone turns on her!!!! sorry shes not fucking chuu lmao!? (ilu chuu no hate but there is space for good AND evil girls in my heart😇) im sorry im SO unbothered by her being the other woman in a cheating scandal like i cant imagine something mattering less to me and it actually made me super happy to confirm she fucks even tho the guy was ugly😇 but i said kinda most of this already so SECOND OF ALL about her not mentioning wjsn and shit… another thing i literally have NO problem with?? again, like…… no one was more distraught than me at what happened to ot13 but these are REAL PEOOLEEEEEEEEEE?!????!??? i’ve said this before too but i think its worth mentioning, i think my perspective on WJSN has always been a certain way because i grew up playing soccer on a team of the same ~18 girls for over 8 years and im very familiar with, idk, “team dynamics” in groups of girls growing up together? so i understand what its like to be in a larger group dedicated towards this ultimate, performance based goal together and while not everyone out of those 18 girls is one-to-one best friends and lots of people have pretty significant differences, none of that matters “on the field” or when you’re “working”, and its actually lowkey beautiful hiw such different people can unite together to make their dream happen AND develop really long lasting strong relationships w each other when they would otherwise might not have. so ive never had illusions that wjsn as a group has this monolithic motivator or reason for being in wjsn or being an idol, they are all super different personalities and have different interest areas like acting, musicals, song production, MCing etc! so its really impossible for me to feel upset or bothered in any way when i hear complaints about mmq’s behavior in this area because im like ? she obviously has/had this solo career (that i have to believe she had way more control and stylistic direction over than with wjsn) in her home country where she gets to embrace her personal style and concepts instead of matching wjsns, shes clearly separating from that past image and going in a different direction w her career! it does make me bummed that shes not getting 13 stars tattooed like xiao did but again what am i gonna do, be mad that this artist who i really care abt as a person is going off on their own path and direction? cujung is a ROCK of this fanbase its not like a mmq wjsn mention is going to create millions more ujung and album sales? just never added up to me, IM not gonna feel some type of way about it because stan twit fucking tells me to, like how it feels a lot of ujungs react to everything! that one thing going around that was like “wjsn are coworkers not friends” was sooooo funny for me to watch ujung actually get mad about because like,,, they ARE coworkers? AND FRIENDS?! there are 13 of them? each person has a unique individual and complex relationship with each other person? ah idk why i even bother with these essays the avg kpop stans iq is literally 65 yall love being spoonfed parasocial relationships simulated for ur consumption so much u completely block out the fact they are real people

#and a lot of people who have the most to say about it like literally dont go outside and have lives and group activities to be a part of so #sorry if im being haterish but like they started it #getting mad at what mmq says and doesnt say about her old job and who she fucks is giving incel its giving i like to control women #giving the type of people who freak out and kts over their idol reading a feminist book or dating someone #sorry women are autonomous beings not morally perfect objects u can glorifyingly put on a pedestal and tear down just as maliciously when #something they did doesnt add up to this unrealistic un-human image u created of them #i honestly think some of u get more out of tearing at and hating someone than u did supporting them its like fun for u to sit behind a scree #and judge their lives meanwhile havent washed ur greasy ass hair in days and when was the last time u called ur grandmother? what the longes #lasting friendship you’ve ever been able to maintain? huh???#damn i cant find out how to do a read more on mobile sorryyyyyyyyyy #long post #ANYWAYS *pulls out comfort photos of teen mmq smoking cigs*

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glowstone23b · 1 year

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UAGSHDHFK ITS SO FUNNY U SHOULD MENTION TOOTHLESS FROM HTTYD BECAUSE WHEN I WAS DESIGNING A CONCEPT FOR SAGE’S WINGS (which im still in the process of making) HE WAS MY FIRST REFERENCE :’’’) I LOVE NIGHT FURIES

but also to answer some of those previous elytra questions because they have been on my mind . i’ll sort of just be quoting them audvdhfj ive been thinking about them all day

“What if the elytra (after having been fully fused, I guess, but early users apply too) runs out of durability?”

— okay so pre-fusing the elytra is sort of. brittle. not fully but like regular durability you get in normal minecraft; it wears down after a while and this is because of a couple factors

1.) still adjusting to the host, hasn’t gotten the proper intake of blood and nutrients in its wings to fully sustain itself for the while yet so it’s trying to run off what it currently has (which tends to be very little resulting in them damaging over time if not fixed)

2.) it doesn’t wear down post fusion because the mutations and genes mixing in with the host lets it sort of stabilize by itself and become a part of the host entirely; once the “magical” properties of it are slowly simmering and is replaced with blood, skin, bacteria, etc (on that note the tendrils inside the host’s shoulder blades etc also sort of melt and become new veins/paths for blood circulation to take) (dont ask me how that works uhhh magic and minecraft stuff idk)

“Are the wings something you yourself can feel once they’ve fused with you, or is it more like… a neurological thing, where the elytra just know what you’re thinking?”

— OKAY when the tendrils slip in you’ll feel some generous amount of discomfort but pulling them out hurts more than letting them sink in

— new elytra users need a small bit of time to adjust to the wings and get a grasp on how they feel. its sort of different for everyone but at first it feels like a very strange version of pins and needles- you can move the wings around but it feels weird.

— although yeah the parasitic-ish parts of the elytra kind of do. connect with your brain (DIY lobotomy /j) in order to both A.) get the brain to move the wings around and B.) to do all the increased reaction time and instincts shabang (these stay permanently after fusion)

“Could you feel them as an extension to your body? If they get hurt, would you be able to feel it as if it were your arm or something, or would it be numb?”

- new elytra users get a numb sort of sensation when the elytra gets damaged via an arrow or something

- older (fused) elytra users get the similar sensation to the webbing of your fingers being sliced or punctured (owie)

- also at first they do feel like weird body extensions before eventually adjusting and them becoming literal body parts aisnfwidhfjfk

“If you run out of durability on fused elytras, is that something you could ever fix?”

— yes actually!! healing potions + usually phantom membrane is an efficient way of patching up deep wounds— depending on the type of wing it might just require a lot of healing potions and bandages, but eh its different for every user

— although if a massive chunk of those wings is like torn off then oooh. ouchie thats like having ur arm torn off. yeah that probably wont heal

^ — however . you can get fixes where they attach like a leather-like wing and hollow light silver(?) rods onto where the bones end to make a makeshift wing repair (leather is typically dyeable and able to be decorated)

bonita drawing ik . but you get the idea !!!!

“Would you be able to get a new pair if you hadn’t been fused yet?”

— YEAH

— if you get the new pair from another person who used it previously the process of the wings shifting to suit you better will take a while longer and vice versa

“Would you have to try to cut off your old elytra to replace it if you *were* fused?”

— yes

— not a pleasant experience but if you hate ur wings so bad then yes you could probably slice them off (i wonder what you would do with them afterwards?? Whats to do with sliced human-sized wings? … wall decoration?? Could you cook and eat them maybe?)

“could you potentially *pick* how your elytra form to look on you?”

— kkkkkkind of? the elytra by default looks like a weird mix of dragon and beetle wings all in one. good flight but also not infinitely durable like mentioned

— the shape of the wings, however, changes to fit the user from what the elytra can gather from their brain

(for example, Sage’s wings are based off night furies and peregrine falcons — fast speedy creatures due to Sage’s own history of enjoying fast speeds/being thrown or spun around and also from the lack of any fear of heights/falling)

(in fact actually enjoying those things) (yk how some kids ask to be thrown into lakes because they enjoy the sensation. yeah thats her)

“Like, if you tried to repair your elytra using a combination of some standard repair materials (phantom membranes, occasionally scales) as well as some other thing (like parrot feathers, for instance), could you possibly get the elytra to take on a form you’d prefer?”

— this is sort of tricky to answer because like. the elytra chooses what form of wings suits you best.

— mutations, though? Like having the elytra change from the dragon-beetle-ish look to having feathers and bright colours? That’s still achievable!! Theres even the possibility to mix and match different biological materials from the desired creatures however if you add in too many the elytra might like. kill you by accident or something (im talking more than like 5 or 7) (usually people opt to have only one or two main repair materials) (3 is teetering on the edge slightly i imagine because of like. neurological effects with all the mutations both physically behaviourally and mentally etc etc)

this also kind of raises the question of “how do you get bug wings” and i’ll be honest w u i have no idea. I imagine there’d be *some* strange way to achieve it? go ham many methods for elytra repairing

( mini rant of sage vv)

(Her way of flying is very similar to toothless in the first two movies. shes sleek and elegant in that cat-like fashion but she also does dive bombs and spins and rolls and is overall extremely confident, nigh cocky with how she flies. a lot of control too!! ,,,, most of the time has definitely crash landed several times) (not to mention speed,,,,, in certain situations when she picks up enough velocity you can hear a whistle coming from the air being sliced by her wings . no idea how to explain but you get the idea)

ALSO THE PHANON TAG IS ALR !! she/her pronouns for me but idrc if you use they/them ajdbfjk

Apologies for the late response, I wanted to make some quick doodles for this at the least!!! It's so fascinating to me! A sidenote before I forget-- what do you think about rocket-propelled elytra flight? Would that be possible at all, or do we pretend canon isn't there for it? It's very silly to think of, but I don't think it'd be very safe, lol.

Here's a rough gif of how I think it might work! (emphasis on might). The 'elytra' (used to refer to the parasite in this sense) feels like a bug to me... like a palm-sized ladybug, sort of. Just the right size to fit on the small of your back pretty easily. Once you set it there, it'll like... pinch/hurt a bit as it sets in its initial veins & whatnot to connect to you, but it just chills there otherwise. I feel like for pre-fused elytras, trying to take one off would feel kinda like a tick? Gross, but hey

I also use "elytra" in the literal sense-- the hard, chitinous sheaths that cover bug wings-- here, so I could draw it in my head. I think that wouldn't be very comfortable to sit back on, to be honest, if you were in a high-backed chair or something. Anyways, like bug wings they'd unfold and the blood that goes through them would fill them up to full size like you said! It'd likely happen in a matter of seconds for long-time users, but take up to a couple minutes for first-timers.

I've also got a couple post-fusion drawings here, under the cut bc it's kinda veiny and a little gross, so if you're averted to that thing, look away!

Again, bonita drawing, but just to get it out of my head. The main "body" of the elytra would start to stretch down your back to get further up along your spine, where all the good veins are! Eventually, the body of it would be more vestigial than anything, because it no longer needs it to look for a host (do you think elytras in end cities would be able to wander freely before fusing to someone? Kinda funny to think of someone just getting like. hit in the face by a stray elytra buzzing around).

I do have this as bug in my head, because my brain loves making sense of things, so it's struggling to figure out how other wing types would work. I know it's magical, so whatever goes, but hmm... maybe the customization just comes after fusing, when the elytra doesn't need to expend the extra energy on needing to find a new host, and can instead divert it to making different, sturdier wings...?

I like the makeshift wing repair with lightweight metals or leather and whatnot, it'd be neat to explore that! Just like toothless :). Color & style customization, too! Do you think anybody gets wing jewelry or piercings just to show off? Like irl vultures with wing tags?

"(i wonder what you would do with them afterwards?? Whats to do with sliced human-sized wings? … wall decoration?? Could you cook and eat them maybe?)" -- I mean, if we're in a world with human-sized wings, there's most likely a market for them! I wouldn't be surprised if long-term elytra users were hunted for sport if they had a particularly unique wing type... Wall decoration, for sure, I think hunters would enjoy them! Also good for food in dire situations, as human meat is probably a lot more gamey than any other available source. Feathers or membranes would also be valued for use in repairing of other elytras, in clothing, ceremonial stuff, etc. Kinda neat!

Tell Sage I love her and her flying skills are unmatched. She's crashed before? Didn't see it. She rules

If any of this is coherent, congrats! If not, poke me so I can explain it! Most of my posts will be one long rant and not really read over again for mistakes or anything so godspeed, buddy! Overall I like your thoughts on the matter you rule!!!! Gives my brain more things to rotate :)

#glowstone23b asks #glowstone23b gif #glowstone23b art #phanon #brandnewinvention #minecraft elytra #minecraft worldbuilding #so so cool bud #i love it thank you for the asks

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salemoleander · 2 years

Note

VERY interested in creator commentary for the 3rd life webweave (seriously one of the coolest things ive seen made in this fandom, its gorgeously edited AND very funny AND the quotes themselves are all knock-your-socks off material. That Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Line Holy Shit)

Okay so first off THANK YOU that's super kind! It's nerve-wracking posting graphic design that is reconstituted from other sources, bc I've seen it perceived as a 'lazy' or unskilled format, so this is really really encouraging to hear.

I am not a concise person, which is why this has taken so long! I realized as I was initially responding that I was trying to dive into three separate topics:

The actual process I follow, my tips + tricks on making web weaves

Analysis of my 3rd Life web weave

My philosophy towards web weaves and collage as an art form

Only one of those is the question you actually asked, so #2 is what I'll be talking about in this post! However, I am working on a video overview of the other topics, because I think they're worth exploring - I will obviously post that on this blog once it's done.

To avoid jumpscaring anyone with a wall of text, I've thrown my commentary under a readmore.

The one takeaway I'll mention before we dive in is if anyone has a character/narrative web weave request, please hit me up! I have so many I'm working on, having a next topic suggestion is super helpful to narrow things down.

General Creation Comments

I am At All Times collecting images, so it's only a matter of time until I make a webweave for a group/ concept/ person:

(My phone storage is Certainly being utilized. Also I will never be free of making these.)

It just so happened that my Third Life folder filled up fastest/ felt like it was in a good balance to work with, so that's what I started with!

I try to use a mix of text and images, and both serious and funny stuff. Even at its most serious the Life Series is also funny, and it's important to reflect that!

That said, if you compare the jokes I've picked in this piece vs the void falling web weave, you'll notice the jokes on this one trend sharper. The 'How to Detect Misery' and 'How to Tell if it's Over' memes (both from @thatsbelievable, who is a GREAT source of web weave content) are morbidly funny. Surviving horrific circumstances, preparing to suffer, unimaginable violence, eroticism and death, covered in blood - all of the jokes are violent.

As I go, I weed out posts that don't fit, or (mostly) prune text posts out. Too much text ruins the flow, and I LOVE words so I tend to have too much writing and not enough art.

3rd life had only a few things that didn't make the cut, bc I was fairly judicious as I added to that folder, but these were scrapped:

As I added the posts I knew I wanted and split them between panels, I naturally started seeing a 'flow' from early game biomes/bases and the more tender pairings, into violence + devotion, and then ending in.. something. I wasn't sure what I wanted the end to be yet.

I ran out of posts, and knew I needed Wayyy more images to offset the text, so I went looking through the Smithsonian's excellent collection of CC0-licensed art!

That's where I found the Perfect Image - that last picture of the red angel laid low. I knew immediately that it needed to be most of the final scene, with very little obscuring or distracting from it.

Okay, diving into specific panel analysis!

Panel One

It's the beginning, so everything is still fairly light - lots of brown and green tones.

The summary (imo) is that every faction in 3rd Life is in different stories!

Grian and Scar are playing cowboys, an old Western style narrative where they're beholden to each other, out to get the Bad Guys (even if objectively they're the ones being violent little instigators).

Flower Husbands are a greek fucking tragedy, Jimmy's sudden loss and Scott in mourning, trying to cause as much destruction as possible before the gods knock him down too.

Dogwarts are a middle English story of fealty and homosocial bonds and dying for honor.

And the Crastle is like. Shakespeare or Arthur Miller or Stoppard. They are in a theater, they are playing with all of the narratives. Too aware of the trajectory they're on, and entirely unable to stop it.

The images on the first page are the four primary pairings in 3rd Life - top left, in the background of the 'How to Detect Misery' meme, is the desert. The sudden punchline of that meme felt like a good starting point - a creeper-blast of a joke.

The pair to the right represent Scott and Jimmy. I liked the Impressionist and classic myth-inspired stylization. Also, the toga blended near-seamlessly into the desert hill so it looked almost like a wing, implying a tie to angels as well as foreshadowing Jimmy's death AND Scott's partnership with Grian/Scar.

Up in the top right-hand corner is a little Crastle, and the pair embracing on the right side of the page are Bdubs and Cleo. The red hair fit, but it was the old-fashioned clothing and sense of finality that I really liked.

On the left is Dogwarts - Ren and Martyn. I wanted an image that had a very different style, as they were opposed to desert duo + everyone else. I felt the sketchy ink stood out and elicited ideas of worn vellum paper. It felt like a sketch you'd discover sitting in a chest of a long-worn-down enchanting room.

There's a forest and a mostly-occluded castle in the background art on page one, also meant to represent Dogwarts. That forest bleeds into the next page, where the violence really begins.

Panel Two

We've started with a forest, but it's darker than the last one, and wilder.

Bursts of red stand out violently on the page.

'Fallen Angel' is a classic for emotionally fraught blorboposting! There are many, Many Mountain Goats songs that fit, but the way a-doctor-not-a-fangirl paired this line with this painting was striking to me. In particular, I like how 'getting revenge' was something that drove most of 3rd Life, even though Red Lives (come unhinged) were meant to be the driving force of violence. They weren't supposed to have bonds, they weren't supposed to have allies! But it's the bonds that drove the violence.

The 'I heart eroticism and death' cut-out plopped onto the collage was intended to feel like a kind of cheesy tourist stamp - 'I killed my friends in horrible death games and all I got was this lousy t-shirt' vibes.

The 'First off' comment feels like the illogical thought proces all of the doomed players (so, all of the players) were following - "if I just do well enough at murder, this will all be over."

The 'moments of grace' image is probably my most indulgent addition. I wanted a softer, quiet nod to the good parts, to the fun and the joy in between the violence. In particular, the dawn breaking on waves reminded me of the short span Grian and Scar spent tensely placing TNT under sand in the desert. I imagine silent cooperation and the sussuration of sand on sand, and quiet for just a few minutes.

'It's better to know how to let others unmask you and to endure the rule of the game' means: if you are too good, if you survive long enough, you will end up alone. This is about Bdubs and Cleo - kings of roleplay, of being a little overeager and dying for it and getting a mercifully quick ending. It is also about the cactus ring.

Panel Three

The centerpiece of this page is 'G-d's Idea', the beautiful abstract painting of a blood-soaked angel. It makes me insane every time I see it. Grim reaper in mourning kinda guy

I wanted to do something to tie more directly to the end, but didn't want to pull a disembodied-face-in-90s-grad-photo approach to add Scar. So I found a drawing that looked like the Monopoly Mountain build, and carefully added it onto one wing. I really really like this as an addition, it is probably my favorite combination in this post.

The Anne Carson quote is obvs in Minecraft font - I also split up the lines, so that the left and right side loosely create their own sentences/ideas. "There is a theory that watching other people is good for you" and "Unbearable stories may cleanse you of your darkness." I wish I had been more careful with the contrast on 'yourself all', but oh well, we can just call it being difficult to read an experiential facet of the poem.

"Do you want to go down to the pits of yourself all alone?" is a good fucking line, and manages to mirror both the commentary on us the viewers AND the experience of the creators AND the experience of the characters. We get to experience violence vicariously, the creators get to experience it with friends + in safety, and the characters (or character, I should say, just Grian left by the time you're reading this) are experiencing that low point totally alone.

Aside from the obvious fit, the Rosencrantz + Guildenstern lines stand in as a conversation between the viewers and the characters. The appraising description of kiling and dying beautifully makes way for a mournful interruption that no, fuck that, this isn't a game for us (with some obvious irony there).

Finally, I needed it to end funny; the whole thing is already more serious than it probably should've been. I like this joke because it's short, and it implies the aftermath in a comedic way. Picturing everyone spawning back into Hermitcraft, covered in blood, upset, but mostly with a profoundly awkward sense of 'well I fucked that one up. That got a bit more homoerotic than intended, and now every other shopping trip I have to make awkward eye contact with the person I mcMurdered."

Again, thank you so much for your ask and kind words! I'm looking forward to making a general guide video on web weaves one of these days :D

#salem tag #salem chatter #3lsmp #3lsmp meta #i am going to go pass out but i hope some of this is what you were hoping to hear about lol #salem answer

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icharchivist · 2 years

Note

it's a bit early, but happy new year! i'll make sure to properly wish you when the time comes, but I did go through the mankai event now so it felt strange not to say it, haha... i was actually thinking about finishing this event new years eve to be appropriate, but i ended up getting a little sick so. might as well do the events now while ive got the time right? also also!! i started a3 almost exactly 2 years ago on jan 1 2021 so i thought it would be nice to maybe try to start act 2 then? since after this i just have the anniversary event and vday magic (i think i'll do one day princess after ch 5). anyways the actual event. as usual i'll go through my thoughts chronologically.

that first opening scene is so good. citron staring at that charm while sakuyas sleeping… now that’s not really any evidence for citron being a light sleeper but in my heart I just KNOW he is okay. and what great sound design!! like all silence. no backing music. just the sound of sakuyas quiet snores. it sets that mood so well so i really felt that the charm citron was staring at must be really important to him...

oh also i want to say this because i felt soooo smart for doing it. the moment that first scene opened with citron i paused and took some notes bc i wanted to guess who else was in the cg lmaooo. with all the act 1 non-play events, there's exactly 11 events. i'm assuming the anniversary event is special so that cg might have the whole a3 cast or smthing like all the leaders? or even like a cg of matsukawa and izumi or something. that'd be cool. but who knows. but without that, its ten, and then theres 2 per event cg which gets u the 20 members of the troupe. excluding inter-troupe pairings, there's 6 unique combinations of seasons you can make: spring summer, spring autumn, spring winter, summer autumn, summer winter, autumn winter. we've had 8 events so far, and 4 unique combinations have been repeated twice: spring summer (tsuzuru&kazunari + itaru&misumi), autumn winter (sakyo&azuma, taichi&tasuku), spring winter (masumi&tsumugi, sakuya&hisoka), and summer autumn (muku&juza, yuki&banri). there's 4 members who haven't gotten event cgs yet, then: citron, tenma, omi, and homare. and there's exactly 2 unique season combinations left: spring autumn and summer winter. suffice to say that when i noticed that omi and citron were in the same cleaning group, and talked to masumi and juza about their talent show thing, and THEN went to get groceries together... i cheered so hard. calculations for the win.

back to chronological thoughts:

i’ve written this before but juza 🤝 yuki: *sees any situation* how do I make this about banri/tenma (derogatory)

nonetheless juzas conception of banri is sooooo funny to me. like banris super smart and talented and juza is like. he’s a weirdo who will draw a face on his stomach and make it talk by moving his muscles. like that’s sooo specific. and then banri immediately being like. I CAN do it! the moment juzas like. oh. …you can’t? like. actually something is weird about both of you (affectionate)

sakyo: aren’t you all forgetting something very important we have to do before the new year

me, nodding sagely: ah yes. annual performance reviews. *cut to next scene* ohhhh they’re just deep cleaning. I was just like. 100% convinced that they needed to do their annual like evaluations. i don't even do those but it's just one of my first associations with the year end i guess???

anyways when they find that duct taped box w/ yuki mentioning they could sell old props for play funding… I don’t know if it’s ever said outright but considering yukis always talking to sakyo abt like costuming and stuff and they collaborated with that kigurumi punishment I have to wonder if yuki has like. a nonzero amount of info on play budgeting as compared to most of the troupe. kazunari. the 14 year old in your troupe knows more about budget management than you. i mean yukis been selling his clothing etc. on the net so maybe he does know a nonzero amount of this kind of thing with like selling props...

it was so cute to see their street act! they’ve come so far. love the way azuma thinks abt it like “how do I jump in here” and goes “I’m going to cause problems. on purpose.” with making a surprise phone call. citron though oh my gosh. its like. yes. he does know what a year end rush is. and abt travel prices. hes not stupid!! but god the way hes like im gonna wish all the grocery staff happy new year as his excuse for searching for his charm... he knows. what he is doing. same with those travel prices its like. citron can be So Loud but hes also so careful to not say much. i want to pat him on the head. unrelated but i didnt realize azuma called citron his highness? i thought monarchy hater no. 1 citron would dislike that a little more. its also making me think if citron has mentioned hes like a prince / royalty...? since azuma calls him that. but ive got to think he hasn't. still more points to my runaway prince citron theory. omi helping him find the charm was so sweet though! its like. wow. nice. still the way citron literally Does Not Say Anything. crazy of him

citron: …it is a very special gift that I received from someone.

me: …guy?

and later w/ citron: never mind. but there is someone in my country who I would like to see again.

me: …guy?

oh but i'm not glossing over the fact that citron has three younger brothers who he's convinced don't want to see him again. runaway prince im telling u. also thats so sad wtf. the citron and omi cg was cute tho! i kind of liked how little this event did in terms of revealing too much like... citron lets a couple of details slip but doesn't really say much at all. which makes sense for his character i think!! man what a great event in terms of making me excited for act 2, though... i hope it comes up when guy shows up!! not to be like. i want to see citron cry. but i want him to get a little emotional yknow. reveal some of ur feelings i want u to be comforted.

i thought a lot of duos for the talent show ep were so cute! like hisoka and homare with homare being like. ill get u special marshmallows even, so do something with me. idk how to express it properly but i feel like in this event especially u can really feel how much joy homare gets by like. simply spending time with hisoka? made me remember their play event. and shakespeare?? In ENGLISH???? im obsessing over this. was it much ado about nothing? what play would be best for them… i haven't read enough shakespeare to make a definitive decision, unfortunately... my personal vote is for othello. homare knows shakespeare in english bc he’s a fan but hisoka… if he’s proficient in english. hm. hmm. more points to him being some kind of assassin/spy/foreign agent thing. like chikage was also overseas probably doing some assassin/spy business for a while, wasn’t he… im watching you.

also tasuku and tsumugi with their pantomiming and the way when itaru compliments him tasuku is IMMEDIATELY like "oh im nothing compared to tsumugi though" like wow. its kind of so nice hearing this out loud bc its like. oh right. this is what they were yelling at each other about in act 1. and then masumi and juza's bartending act. with the rainbow cocktail. masumi and juza, pointing at a3: I know what you are. packing peanuts was my guess for what was inside the box so im glad it was at least like a daruma doll lol. and juza got his sweets! the lil bonus with the ppl staying in the dorm to celebrate the new year was so cute too tho. like when misumi mentioned the triangular carrots.

tenma: d—did you say carrots? why did arisu have to leave me now…

me: tenma and homare friends??? homare eats tenma’s carrots (which he. doesnt like?) for him??? i need to see this. well i'm pretty confident they're gonna be the duo for vday magic so I'm quite excited, haha. oh also in the new years text chat!! is homares screen name alice? i think thats cute. anyways what a sweet event! it didnt leave me feeling anything toooo emotional but it made me REALLY excited for act 2 bc i feel like that's where the real payoff is gonna be yknow? so it was cool in a different way.

AAH HEY HEY HEY! HERE YOU ARE! I needed to be done with the event to properly tackle this ask, thank you for waiting.

First of, thank you for the good wishes <333 Happy New year to you too if we don't get around to say it on the day itself. And saying it because you went through the a3 event makes total sense ahaha

And it's such a good plan with timing! I'd be nice if you manage to reach act 2 by then, i think it's supposed to start late February in the timeline so, at this rhythm you can get in synch with the story as it goes! (and good plan for ODP since it IS set right after chap 5 originally).

ANYWAY WAHOO ALWAYS NICE READING YOUR THOUGHTs, LET'S GO!

And oh god yeah, i can totally picture your HC about Citron being a light sleeper. As for the charm oh man… oh man.

and oh my GOD. THAT'S SO CLEVER HOLY SHIT. i would never have figured it out meanwhile you kept track of all of this!! that's so impressive holy shit!!! your calculation is IMPRESSIVE HERE.

ALHDLKDFJFDLKFD Juza and Yuki, together in being so damn tired of their leader (affectionly but also derogatory)

AND HELPPP I FORGOT ABOUT THIS SCENE. Juza's conception of Banri is truly the funniest, i love that about those two. And the fact Banri can totally catch the bait is what's even funnier. And they were both idiots (and they were both idiots!)

ohmygod you're really set up to be a fellow acting addict now that your first thought was "annual performance review" this is so funny.

And you're totally right about Yuki i think. I don't recall them ever mentioning it directly, but considering how much he's fighting with Sakyo about budget and how often Yuki wins, considering Sakyo isn't exactly the kind to go KINDLY on something just because someone would insult him, it figures Yuki is arguing with proper arguments when it comes to budget. Like, both arguing why he needs expensive material (how it would reflect on the company and all) AND on how to manage the budget to justify it. as you said, Yuki sells clothes online so he's probably the best equiped about it. Which is really impressive, the 14yo is the one the most adjusted to discuss budget with the yakuza. Love that about him.

ohmygod right the street acts are always a nice way to show how they changed. And Azuma <3333 my mister problem. But yes totally agree about everything Citron there (that isn't confirming or unconfirming theory at least). he's very considerate and very smart, his only issue is the grasp on the language, but aside from that? he knows stuff. And sometimes when he acts stupid, that's exactly what it is. an act. He knows when to not say much. For Citron, he never mentioned anything about his past to anyone, but you might want to read the Citron&Muku crossbackstage from the "Others" tab. It's called "Sir Citron's Secret" and probably would give fuel to your theories. (while you're on that tab do look at the Homare&Sakyo one just because it's one of the funniest on the list). As it though, aside from whatever he tells Muku and how serious he is about it, he hasn't really come into details about it to anyone at all, aside from hating the monarchy. So Azuma calling him His Highness is indeed strange. I feel like Azuma definitely got Vibes from Citron (which is mhmmmm considering Azuma is a really good people reader), and it seems that Citron hasn't found in his heart a way to tell Azuma to knock it off. Or perhaps Citron is more annoyed at the idea of ACTING like Royalty (so, with the royal roles he gets), than he is being refered as such? all the more mhmmm things about his behavior for sure.

Omi is so so sweet and so nice yessss and Citron was so interesting this event. I love when the mask falls around Citron for a bit. He remains mysterious in his own way, but it's always fascinating to approach. God the charm. I have many thoughts about the charm. That i will not elaborate on. But so many thoughts.

And god yeah, the sibling situation. It's so sad. Regardless of the details it also does explain why he wants the Spring Troupe to be a family this much and why he ends up caring about his troupesmates so much. (and Muku, who's one of the charas outside of his troupe Citron has a lot of affection for. Re: their crossbackstage)

And yeah i agree, this event was really good for Citron's development without ruining the mystery for now. It's also really a good event to go back to when you do know, it's so fascinating. BUT HELP "I WANT TO SEE CITRON CRY" I SEE YOU. I hope act 2 lives up to your expectations <3

god you pointing out that Homare has so much joy being with Hisoka. Yes you're totally correct. Like, he may complains at time and Hisoka can be so rude but Homare enjoys spending time with him so much. I do love that he bribed him into it though. Homare, of course, is just like that, talking in English and in French and whatever. For Hisoka…. Yeah it sure is shady isn't it. Like wow okay mister amnesia how did you get that.

Tsumu and Tasu being on this vibe was so good. I love how it shows just how complicit they are. And Tasuku gets to be more and more communicative of his feelings. It is, after all, the thing he had to learn, since it's because he didn't know how to talk to his troupesmate, especially Tsumugi, that things went wrong, and he's been learning and it's sweet. THE RAINBOW OMMENT HELPPP.

BUT YESS The preparation for New Year are so sweet. And DLKFJDLKFJFD THE CARROTS. THAT DYNAMIC. But yeah it's pretty much this, Tenma doesn't like carrot, Homare wants him to eat carrots, but as long as Tenma doesn't want to Homare will eat them for him. It's adorable isn't it. AND THE NEW YEAR CHAT YESS IT'S SO SWEET. Homare's name is indeed Alice on here (since his last name is Arisugawa = Arisu, which is pronounced Alice. It's also sweet considering Hisoka always calls him "Arisu" only. also i think it's really cute like, the duo Alice In Wonderland and Sleeping Prince (canon nickname Homare use on Hisoka). They're adorable.)

BUT YEAHHH this event was great. A good lighthearted event for NY and just. so soft all around. I love those guys so much.

And indeed building up some act 2 things which are going to be fun to explore. Looking forward to see you experience it all, since you do have a keen eye at picking stuff up ;DDD

thank you once again for sharing all of this with me. It was a blast to read through and relive, and reminded me of quite a few things (esp since you're entering the territory of material-i-only-read-once, compared to almost everything before that i read a few dozen times ahah). So that's going to be a blast to relive for me as well ;D

thank you so much once again, and happy new year if we don't see each other again before the 1st ;D

Take care <33

#IT4S PERFECT THANK YOU #ichareply #ichafantalks a3 #aranarumei

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boypussydilf · 1 year

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top three with. doctor who. talk about the silly little doctors Now

LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tbh id kind of forgotten i reblogged that

3 male characters I love:

JAMIE MCCRIMMON MY BEST FRIEND

12th doctor. the doctor is never male and i like them in general but 12 is probably my favorite

um. uh. um. um. uhhhhhh. christ theres GOTTA be someone i like more than mickey or rory i mean theyre good but theyre not top favorites. WILF. RIGHT. WILF. WILFRED MOTT. GRANDPA WIN

3 female characters I love:

ACE!!!!!!!!

DONNA NOBLE!!!!!!!!!

Ahh god. Fuck. Theres too many I could put here. uhmmm. Ok im going to say rose tyler. She MIGHT. have a slight edge over bill potts. but ouuugghh i love bill. im not sure,. one of them. WAIT WHAT ABOUT MISSY. theres too many incredible women and girls in doctor who. If i had to pick one ummmm i guess I’ll say rose though. she’s classic

3 romantic ships I love:

the doctor and the master whatever the fuck they have going on

2/jamie this clown and scottish dude are gay as hell

uhhh. yeah lets say doctorrose. they too are classic

(Honorary mention to Ace and all of her Girlfriends Of The Week <3)

3 platonic dynamics I love:

TEN & DONNA!!!!!!!!!! OUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH *POWERS UP*

probably seven & ace… uncledadpa moments

christ i had something a second ago and then i lost it. why are amy and rory suddenly all i can think of THEY ARE MARRIED. ok i think im gonna say 11 & amy not a big fan of…. ALL the ways they were written in the show…… but the overarching concept of. to the doctor amy is always the little girl he accidentally left behind and he needs to make it up to her & to amy the doctor is always her childhood imaginary friend and they’re both trying to live in a fairytale and it is NOT actually ideal for them. It’s good

3 favorite moments in canon:

OUT OF SIXTY FUCKING YEARS OF TELEVISION?!?!?!?!?!?! ok lightning round off the top of my head

the scene in the unicorn and the wasp where the doctor gets cyanide poisoned and has to play charades with donna and agatha christie to try and tell them what he needs

in the god complex where the doctor amy and rory all get startled by people showing up and everyone is talking at once and the doctor goes IVE NEVER BEEN THREATENED WITH A TABLE LEG BEFORE! NO WAIT I TELL A LIE…. while rory is going ITS OKAY, WE’RE NICE! and amy looks at him like hes insane. i find it very funny

when ten sacrifices himself to save wilf but first he has to have a little mental breakdown about it because he knows what the right thing to do is but he’s also kind of fucked in the head and feels like he deserves to live. and then as hes very slowly dying of radiation poisoning we get that kinda cheesy montage that goes on WAY too fucking long of him doing little secret things to help out all the companions he’s had since the start of the revival series and it’s so self indulgent and wrung out and it kinda slaps

theres so many others and probably a lot of scenes i like way more than these but these r the first ones that came to mind so i will restrain myself

3 favorite headcanons:

gender and sexuality r different for time lords. bc theyre aliens. so of course it would be. but the doctor is also queer by their standards

erm. uh. fuck. shit. what else is there.

Susan is still alive and doing fine <3

Christ i dont know. I got nothin. Doctor who canon is so fucked i could probably take something that’s technically canon and then call it a headcanon anyway. Uh. No i got nothing there either.

K9 is a good dog. There

3 least favorite things about it:

NO NOSTALGIABAIT!!! STOP IT!!! PUT DAVID TENNANT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND HIM. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUT HIM RIGHT BETWEEN THE FIRST FEMALE DOCTOR AND THE FIRST BLACK DOCTOR <3 HE WAS ON THE SHOW FOR FOUR YEARS PUT HIM BACK

AND NO MORE DALEKS OR CYBERMEN UNTIL THE WRITERS CAN LEARN TO USE THEM PROPERLY! USE THEM AS REPRESENTATIONS OF FASCISM AND FEARS OF NEW TECHNOLOGY RESPECTIVELY OR DONT USE THEM AT ALL. STOP INCLUDING THEM JUST BECAUSE THEYRE THE BIG RECOGNIZABLE DOCTOR WHO VILLAINS.

(…….exceptions made for when daleks are used for comedy i may say it annoys me when they get watered down but i still think its great when theyre funny. also that one new years special was actually a very good occasion to have a dalek without it meaning anything but that’s besides the point okay anyway)

ALSO THE WEEPING ANGELS. THEY WERE SCARY IN THEIR FIRST APPEARANCE AND THEN THE WRITERS KEPT ADDING NEW THINGS TO THEM TO TRY AND MAKE THEM MORE SCARY AND IT JUST BACKFIRED. IT MADE THEM SUCK

basically i hope for a future where doctor who writers actually take to heart the whole “Moving Forward and Embracing Change” part of the show. if you bring back stuff that hasn’t appeared since classic who be sure you’re DOING something with it that means anything and not just going “Look! This species still… exists!”. write good stories instead of having recognizable villains show up because they’re recognizable. and FORGET ABOUT THE TENTH DOCTOR ERA ALREADY. DAVID TENNANT WAS GOOD. HIS DOCTOR WAS GOOD. MOST OF THE SHOW FROM THEN IS GOOD. AND ITS OVER. ITS BEEN OVER FOR TEN YEARS. STOP MILKING THE TENTH DOCTOR AND PUTTING ALL THE FOCUS ON HIM. PLEASE. PL

doctor who good :)

#YAAAAAAY YIPPEEEEEEE THX #basilask #long post

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whyrubuyingclothesatthesoupstore · 2 years

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for the ask game, i wanna know more about naoshin. its not a ship ive seen before youve mentioned it??

It turns out I have a lot more opinions about characters than I thought, this is So long jesus christ

okay so, in canon they don't get to interact much but the interactions they do have are golden. they're pitted against each other almost entirely by accident because shin just so happened to find the laptop first and kai just so happened to threaten nao of all people to attack him. but after nao asks shin for help with the mishima ai it becomes clear just how well they work as a team, and how they genuinely get along as people

as to my "ideal" version of their dynamic I just wish there was more done with their ParallelsTM (never being meant to win the death game, both losing a loved one and having them "come back" in a morbid way etc etc). Also I think it's funny that they both dislike Keiji so my dream dynamic for them would include them regularly talking about how weird he is. I also like whatever this one person did in this post, really good concept I want to eat it

What I like about their relationship is everything above plus the fact that Nao is like a version of Shin if he actually had people to support him after Hiyori's disappearance and wasn't horribly horribly afraid of almost every candidate. Also since Nao can win the death game with the high schooler she got attached to, you can argue she's like Shin with better luck. Also also they both technically killed Mishima and this is somehow really funny to me.

I am running out of thoughts quickly, but I feel like when it comes to the characters separately Shin would admire Nao and be somewhat jealous of her, since she was able to move past her mentor's death when he wasn't and is also better at persuading people than him (convincing the group to investigate the fifth trade while Shin was panicking and at a loss for words, tricking both Sara and the Mishima AI while Shin was busy pretending to have been robbed by her). And Nao would admire him as well and try to see the good in him despite being somewhat intimidated by his antics. She would probably be able to understand his distrust towards others because of how scared she was at the start of the game and after Mishima's death, being left alone in a group of strangers.

My favorite interaction of theirs was the frying pan incident, funny as balls

Okay, as for the many made-up interactions with them I have in my head: in an no death game AU where they know each other, Nao one day asks if she can paint Shin. Shin agrees because he's used to people wanting to keep pictures of him to look at. While Shin poses for the painting with the most pained smile in the world, Nao notices he looks like he's about to combust, so she insists on doing something else because she doesn't want to force him to do something he's clearly uncomfortable with and because she doesn't need a painting of a man on the verge of a breakdown in her house. She ends up drawing a quick sketch of him dramatically looking into the distance. She tells him to keep it.

#I forgot to talk about the fanfiction. they probably both read fanfiction

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grapecaseschoices · 1 year

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Speaking of lala, can we get some facts about her too if you want to share only of course, if not its fine as well. I would love to know more about them. 💗💗

I feel bad cluttering ur inbox, so if it's annoying pls lmk, I'm really a nosy bitch, so I'm always super curious about people's ocs especially ones that are super interesting. 😭

I'm the same anon who asked for the Lloyd and Hayden facts asks before,ive been enjoying reading facts about ur ocs, u always develop them so well!

I was wondering if you used any sort of character sheet to keep track of ur oc/develop them. For me, my ocs just rotate in my mind like doner kebab meat in that metal pole thing that spins lmao, idk what it's called in english. 😭😂

Ooh I had another question. Would you ever consider writing your own IF if you had the chance to. I genuinely think that your characters and story would be so interesting.😊

Speaking of lala, can we get some facts about her too if you want to share only of course, if not its fine as well. I would love to know more about them. 💗💗

Lala! Yay~ I feel I talk about them the least so thanks for the opportunity to ramble!

I originally played Lala in Blooming Panic. They were a Bloomic MC and they were -- I don't want to say STEADIER but in a sense, I think they're more mature? I struggled with their beats as well but the more I play them Infamous/talk about them the clearer it becomes. I think Infamous!Lala is more -- not reckless per se, it isn't exactly indifference .... But it is very, It is My Life. It is less >[ then Kendis, Less 'Mx. Independent' by Kelly Clarkson and Destiny Child [both songs] and more the Bon Jovi song [energy than all the lyrics, but chorus definitely]

They and Orion definitely butt heads [some of the best options for them ig come off a touch brusquer than Lala would be but best believe they went straight back to sleep when he was speaking to them qwwewqe]. Orion is so on, he has an agenda and a direction for the band -- he wants the BEST for them and there is a way to do that. And Lala is like, yeaaaah -- chill. They're gonna nap if they want, they're gonna do the drugs if they want. Relax.

That said, Lala is very loyal and very -- not distracted? Like in the sense that they aren't going to let the drama keep them unfocused [which is probably why come off very ambitious, even if I wouldn't traditionally peg them as that. The way I would for Hiyam --- or even Alana or BJ]. They're also confident. So even though they're very much the wondering wanderlust character, the dryly sarcastic adrenaline junkie -- there IS sense of responsibility and discipline to them [for lack of better words]

Infamous Lala is they/them [but that might change to she/they later on].

Lala really is so unbothered of all my five -- probably of the majority of my characters. I think it is rather because they are straight forward/it is what is kind of person. They're both a [goth] hippie and sensible. Low-energy but driven for the fun. So if it's not fun and stresses you out, don't it now and do it when you're ready.

Some quotes that explain the vibe:

I think the better way to say it is that Lala is [mostly] at harmony with themselves and thus that tends to influence how they react to things.

That said, August flusters them. It is so funny to me. I don't know WHY yet. I thought would be flat effect chill verses teasing chill but THEY'RE the one flustering THEM. Not a LOT but still [even Xyx didn't fluster them qwe]. Maybe because August is The Big Chill.

They play the harmonica LMAQWEWA

I feel I have mentioned that Lala loves cats. Part of the initial concepts for Infamous!Lala was that she stops to pspssp at strange cats. She will stop a concert or walking to somewheere important for a cat. Nothing is more important than a cat.,

Lala loves to eat. They're unapologetically fat and love to eat. I wanted a character like that.

Lala has a lot of smol tatts. Like a smiley face on their pointer finger, something on their wrist. That kinda vibe. Their on-stage look is very dark, goth/rock star, witchy vixen kinda look. [Hello Stevie Nicks? LMAO. It's dark and folky] and though they do love their black, and can def be their Partying look, but Lala is also the type of person to go to the corner market in their super large sandals and sweats and messy hair.

They're the type of musician that gets on their knees, sways with tthe mike, caresses the mike stand, wte -- some people call it 'being sexy' but that's just lala [and some of their songs are Very Sexy, so.

I feel bad cluttering ur inbox, so if it's annoying pls lmk, I'm really a nosy bitch, so I'm always super curious about people's ocs especially ones that are super interesting. 😭 I'm the same anon who asked for the Lloyd and Hayden facts asks before,ive been enjoying reading facts about ur ocs, u always develop them so well!

You're not even close to cluttering?? HAHA. It is so flattering [and I can't judge because I am the same? I too have nosy bitch-itis. And I love seeing people's processes and stuff. Sometimes I be stalking random people's art/commissions qqwered and feel like such a weirdo]. I hope one day I get to meet yours [if you comfortable ofc!!!]

Sides, you're super good for my ego. If I don't answer something it is because 1- I wanted to say something and wait til I was more awake .... then I forgot 2 -I wanted to wait and gather my thoughts and give a proper response .... then I forgot 3- I was tired. Then I forgot. 4- I still don't know what to say even weeks later. 5- I am no longer brain rotting a character/group of characters and want to wait to give the response it's; due.

As you can see I am very forgetful. WhiIe I do get overwhelmeed easily, I see that as a me thing and will never say no to people being so flattering [well on the internet, in person it's different qwerw]!! And you are VERY flattering. Ty <3

That's actually the best description ever because FACTS. Also, I'm half and half. It really depends on how frequent the author updates and how in depth the character gets. For characters that I am just shuffling around with or figuring out as I go, I rotate it. I tend to go witth rotating first. But as we see I forget shit - including my own ideas and lore - so as things expand I do write down some stuff. Not really a character sheet [though I HAVE done that, usually when developing] but like either a word dump or, usually, a list. I am a very type of stream of consciousness person, so there is a rambling flow no matter what. I tend to keep in gdocs [though apparently i should change that soon] and it's like either pre-established facts or details that I realized as I play. [like for a example Infamous: It would be Lala: 1. Gets along with parents. 2. Isn't a fate believing character 3. Genre, etc. vs Ori: 1. Hates his parents (then maybe elaboration), 2. Told Seven it's fate; etc.]

Ooh I had another question. Would you ever consider writing your own IF if you had the chance to. I genuinely think that your characters and story would be so interesting.😊

I have1 In all, I have four ideas-ish. Two on my own and two I created with other people. The last two have been on/are on pause because of life happens, and writing my partners have been busy. The two I have on my own, one is much bigger than my current capabilities and the other might become a linear story should I ever find the motivation:

The first is a sort au for Haiti that is very vaguely influenced by what I know about Kings [a show that has been on my to watch list forever] and highly influenced by my obsession with Intrigue. I

The second is -- sorta like dropout actually [in the theme of the story of 'failing to meet expectations'] but modern fantasy. The characters are in their 30s and I think I was influenced by the internets thought that if you arent making it at 22, youre a failure [and romance novel I read mc was like 29/30 and was already GirlBoss and I was like ....... ]

Another is fuck cop dramas, maybe fire fighters but with a mystery-- I guess arguably, for a comparsion bc I love comparsion, it was like that show they cancelled in Fox? With Malcolm Bright. Except not. It's the aesthetics vibe. Sorta w23ew /so helpful

The third would be a detective [LIKE A DETECTIVE AND NOT THE POLICE] but urban fantasy. It is darker than twc but definitely inspired by welp what if MC wasnt a cop.

You didn't exactly ask, but I figured you wouldn't mind details -- and I have been thinking of them lately so ;-P

#grapecase answers #very long post #anon #i need to remember what my anon name was for you #hrm #wanna pick your own?#insight: lala sandoval #grapecase writes #-- sorta

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nineliabilityrisk · 1 year

Note

⭐

[ send a " ⭐ " and i will list muses i would be interested in throwing at yours ]

[ asked by @muutos ]

this one took a while to get to bc i realized how much i wanted birdie to interact with some of ur muses and then got distracted with trying to set up her blog and stuff but im here to answer this now hopefully . my brain is still all over the place please excuse me

[formatting is "your muse - my muse(s) i would like to see with them"]

vanessa - sb verse mikey :] torment this little shit. because the concept of these two interacting is so fucking hilarious im so happy the movie brought it up and this way it doesnt even have to be movieverse. also i NEED her and birdie to interact so so so bad im trying so hard to finish up birdies sideblog its taking forever but i wanted the chance to give them a lil separate space to themselves. uh who else. i have glambun and cassie of course, she can have fun with them, and joshton also has a sb verse!! i know i never talk about him but id love love love to introduce him with vanessa or one of ur other muses

henry emily - cmon. i love your henry so much id willingly throw literally ANY of my muses at him i <3 him. ive already spent eons talking abt how much i love the potential dynamic between him and michael because i DO, so so so much. also just like i said to nic, he can interact with literally any of my animatronics whenever. i NEED interactions with him and lefty there is something so personal about those two. and of course ciarán goes without saying. your henry already gave him too much attention (like. literally one [1] positive sentence so far) and hes already hooked. good luck getting rid of that fucker. hes never letting go. sorry you shouldve known better than to be sweet with him (/lh)

mangle - im ngl i would love to have interactions with them and one of my withered animatronics. or jeremy, yknow,,, before Shit Goes Bad. could be fun. joshton Also has a verse where he works in the fnaf 2 location because i just kinda stick him wherever he would fit so if you wanna use it to traumatize the poor little minimum wage worker go right ahead i think itd be real funny

freddy fazbear - b..bonnie... thats it just bonnie i want the classic duo back i dont care what era. also if you want him to torment mike or josh theyre always up for it, as has been mentioned multiple times

roxanne wolf + glamrock freddy - lumping them together because theyd be interacting with about the same characters. same list as vanessa!!! its so funny because i wasnt interested in sb at ALL before ruin / interacting with you and ur little corner of the rpc and now im. fucken entangled in it. help.

vincent demarco - weve talked abt my interest in him before but like i said every time you rb some musings about him or something i go a little insane. also did you know his birthday is literally one day before mine i just realized it when i checked his bio page. anyway i really wanna toss like. ciar or josh or someone at him at some point just to see what would happen. he just intrigues me i just wanna see whats goin on in that brain of his idk idk

these arent really specific muse matchups but. every time i see you play like. stu or gwen or ar'alani i lose my mind a little and get reminded of all the muses from their medias i could pick up but i have to stop myself bc thats so much WORK. the star wars fixation would be enough to overpower it and make me find someone to interact with ar'alani if it werent for the fact that i havent managed to get my hands on the thrawn books yet and ive never watched star trek so i dont know anything about your interpretation and it makes me so so so upset. anyway this is an open offer (that may not make sense if you havent watched star wars rebels) but if you would like i would pick up ezra bridger to interact with her in a HEARTBEAT. it wouldnt matter how fucking clueless i am because hes clueless as shit too. i am so so sorry if this sounds overbearing or something i do NOT mean for it to be i have just been wanting to play these star wars muses for YEARS now. the star wars community is just so much more terrifying than this little group here. so the fact that someone that i know and trust and have written with before has even Somewhat of a star wars muse has. driven me a little bit insane. (/pos) this is all /nf of course im just. yeah 👍 this probably makes no fucking sense im sorry i am unwell about star wars

#ooc | nines speaks #ooc | answered

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adamworu · 4 years

Text

The Subtle Horror of Evangelion

What keeps us all hooked to Eva time and time again? You get through your initial, confused watch of either Evangelion endgame, probably sometime in your adolescence wondering what the hell it is you just watched. The original source material is suffused with unsettling imagery, and sometimes too-close-for-comfort shorts. It’s so much to process that one watch is never enough. The imagery isn’t enough, however, because the mid-to-late-90s series comes with things you’ll pick up the more you focus on certain characters’ struggles or the interesting world-building. They arise little by little with every re-watch, adding onto what interested you in Eva to begin with.

There’s always that little voice asking you “What it is that really draws me here?”

Oh. The horrors.

The tragedy of it all.

These things never leave you the second you bear witness to them, whether you become aware of them or not. You’re disturbed over it, a tad worried, no doubt, but you’re strangely hooked.

Horror works better on limitation, it’s why found footage capturing pale, ghastly, monstrosities of the deep wood will always stand as exponentially terrifying. While most all of us have taken cracks at Eva’s budget at some point, that’s what really drives these terrors home. Its low budget nature made it work.

Evangelion has commentary which forces a viewer to reflect. Most no one enjoys that. It’s the fear, however, that has its audience come back. Evangelion’s reflection alone isn’t what gives Eva it’s charm decades after its run. It’s the little things, most everyone misses, the anxieties, the terrors, all of it. Most of those things, fly over a lot of fans’ heads.

Buckle up, there’s a lot to go through…. (warning for mentions of abuse, body horror, means of suicide, nudity, blood, and gore)

Table of Contents

I. Icebergs for Dummies

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji is the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XXI. Conclusion

I. Icebergs for Dummies

For those unaware, the iceberg image illustrates that things are much deeper than they appear, just like an actual iceberg. You’ve probably seen this selfsame iceberg--- separated by tiers--- a few times looking through late night internet rabbit holes (Putting it out in the open: I’m personally guilty of this!), fictional or non. It helps you understand why you’re so enticed to certain material, that you’d revisit them. The highest parts of the iceberg are the things in the material most everyone knows, the surface level stuff. The lower you go, however, the lesser known the parts of the material are. These are the things the person are aware of.

Eva has some iceberg illustrations if you look around, albeit they don’t go through the more saddening, sometimes graphic factors of Eva, only theories navigating through Eva’s universe. Evangelion is so deceptively packed with blink-and-you’ll-miss-it subtleties that if an iceberg were centered on that, the diagram would be packed. And I’m being generous as I write this.

A few ground rules, before we begin: The iceberg will deal with the more obscure and dark material as the tiers get higher rather than it only being relegated to obscure bits. The lower the tier, the higher the iceberg and the more subtler the anxieties which graduate into horrors the deeper you go.

Yes, Evangelion is occasionally horrifying. No, Evangelion is not lovecraftian. I think people use the term lovecraftian way too freely. It’s not enough to see something with (sometimes too many) limbs twisted in ungodly angles. Or legs where legs shouldn’t be. The same applies for creatures assuming forms we don’t entirely comprehend. Eva has never delved into the angels being incomprehensibly terrifying specifically because they come from a cosmic expanse.

Some of these actual horrors, big and small, hit you after adolescence, something that makes you feel deeply for the characters’ dilemmas. It’s a feeling that grows and sometimes aches, rather than fades over time for many of us.

Tier 1: The Tip of the Iceberg

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

III. The AT Field as a Universal Metaphor

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

V. Shinji As the Audience Surrogate

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

II. Hedgehog’s Dilemma

Evangelion has its hand in so many psychological and philosophical cookie jars, from Freud, to Maslow, Johari, as well as Dostoevsky. The very tip of the Subtle Horrors of Evangelion Iceberg is something viewers are introduced to in the fourth episode of the series. It is one of the many psychological concepts dotted throughout the original show. Out of all those psychological concepts, this is the most explicit and most recurring.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma describes the conundrum of two hedgehogs. The closer two hedgehogs become to one another, the more they harm each other with their spines. If you want to properly live, you need the closeness and intimacy of others. By allowing yourself to be close, however, you end up at great risk of being hurt. It’s the very reason what drives those who live to become guarded. Being perpetually apprehensive or building up walls isn’t a remedy for pains, however. The Hedgehog’s Dilemma isn’t just about why people become guarded after relationships ended on bad notes. It’s about the overall inevitability of pain.

Life is a continual push-pull of relationships, because we’re all creatures of comfort. We guard ourselves to varying degrees and sometimes even tell ourselves we won’t get close again, but personal comfort is one of our most ultimate drives.

The Hedgehog’s Dilemma not only describes that harm happens to us anyway, but illustrates that because comfort is universal we seek companionship regardless.

III. The AT-Field as a Universal Metaphor

The AT-Field is the most crucial rabbit hole in understanding the largest meta-narrative of Evangelion.

If Hedgehog’s Dilemma explains the what and the why people become more or less guarded, then AT-Fields explain the how. People build up walls around themselves all the time. You walk away from someone because they crack a smile at you... and it seems off.

Because you feel an anxious pang.

That’s an AT Field.

AT-Fields, or Absolute Terror Fields bear a few metaphors, one of which being boundaries. You see it as Shinji’s fear of becoming intimate, knowing the future implications or Asuka’s masculine protest (putting up a front). We can see an excellent example of the AT Field used by Asuka, her “Wall of Jericho” in episode 9.

You also see it manifested through the angels, the strange creatures in Eva who supposedly desire to merge with Adam, their mother. Seeing this in the angels makes you realize that the AT Field is actually a metaphor for boundaries which implicates us all. In episode 22, Arael, 15th angel, seeks to understand Asuka. The angel uses its AT-Field (a beam of light) no, its boundary, to breach Asuka’s boundaries.

AT-Fields can be used to not only build up personal walls but to breach them as well. The irony of Arael’s action is that Arael’s AT-Field being erected while it floats just over Earth’s gravitational field makes it immensely similar to the Second Child; they’re both guarded.

The AT-Field is a funny sort of thing because it also sometimes explains how two people who are so alike can be guarded from one another. Sometimes you gain contempt for someone because they’re too much like your least favorable traits. You see this with Shinji and Asuka, both children without their mother desiring validation. Shinji calls Asuka a child midway into episode 9 and Asuka isn’t shy on voicing ideas of Shinji as dense or immature. They’re throwing stones in glass houses.

AT Fields are used to get the user out of dangers both physical and perceived. Sachiel, 3rd angel in the original series’ pilot episode, uses its AT-Field, in the form of flotation, to get itself from enemy fire. It never shows this until it is attacked first.

AT Fields are also responsible for one’s identity and physicality in Eva. Without the AT Field you don’t really exist. When Rei assumes the form of the person the character being cast into Instrumentality loved most in End of Evangelion, she’s causing the character to give up their AT Field. With that gone, they lose their physicality, turning into LCL (given the lovely term ‘tanged’ by fans). The ‘tanged’ individual suffers metaphorical death. Evangelion argues that in order for one to exist, others must perceive you and you must perceive you, a point best illustrated in episode 16. Since everyone is converted to LCL, no one really ‘exists.’ Rei describes this unnerving state as the inability of differentiating who you are and others, since everyone lacks a physical state without AT-Fields. Metaphorical death can be argued as worse than physical, since we all exist to make an impression of some sort. It’s what ties all the Eva cast together and the cause of their dilemmas. Validation. You can be living, yet very much forgotten or simply unknown.

There is living and there is “living.”

You can’t “die” unless someone knows you. You were never there. AT Fields are the thing that make us live, but as a drawback, prevents us from understanding each other fully. Kaworu states in episode 24 that AT Fields are the wall of the mind and the heart of the soul, an unapproachable piece of sanctuary. When all else is taken from us, all we have left is our place of respite.

I’d also like to pitch the saddening reality that the AT-Fields are what prevent us from understanding angels as a whole, our genetic siblings as scared of this world as we are. The psychological angels want to understand us, that much is true. The angels, however, use forms of communication at the expense of our boundaries. Because people greatly value boundaries it makes it hard for us to comprehend angels. The creatures are hardly malicious when you realize they wonder why we all do things that actually hurt us, as well as the fact that they do understand our minds. But, because they breach our boundaries, we become even more wary of the (mostly) unknown. Angels may be us, but the strange forms they take are something we aren’t familiar with. The feeling is mutual with angels, wondering why there are many of us, our forms and outward appearances so identical. It’s a truth as old as time that we all fear the unknown.

The anxiety of an AT Field means comprehending that there’s very little chance to 100% get others. Because we’re all wary in some degree, because we’re set in an idea or perception of someone, even if the someone in the past no longer applies. It’s not healthy for you to continue dwelling on relationships not meant to be, keeping yourself up at night asking why, because both of you have closed off each other for good. There’s always that chance the other can come back and if they do seek to understand despite past hardships, that’s good. If they don’t, all you can do is move on and accept it.

IV. Kensuke Aida + War Idealism

Kensuke is one of Shinji’s classmates, a supporting player in the series. He’s close with Toji Suzuhara, a boy who takes his anger on Shinji, after finding out that his sister has been injured during Shinji’s fight with 3rd angel Sachiel. As Suzuhara beats him down, Kensuke downplays the incident. Kensuke’s and Toji’s relationship is particularly interesting because the latter is affected to some degree by war (the war by humanity to prevent our destruction by angels). Kensuke glorifies the sentient, implicitly eldritch, multi-armored war-machines.

Kensuke can be best described as the ‘wow, cool robots’ drawing you’ve probably seen floating around. This is in relation to Gundam’s war commentary, but replace Gundam with Eva. Kensuke is enamored with the Evangelions and totally, willfully ignorant to the war horrors. Adolescents are forced to be the salvation of humanity, feeling every bit of damage to their own bodies whenever the Evangelion takes any hurt. Even after the war for humanity is long over, the pilots will be afflicted with traumas that will always hang over them.

Kensuke’s glorification is also what draws him to be Shinji’s friend. He uses Shinji’s status as a way of becoming a pilot himself by meeting up with Misato, putting himself at the cockpit of a strange creature magnificent machine.

When Toji becomes hospitalized after his battle in a hijacked Unit-03 vs. A Dummy System-controlled Unit-01, Kensuke expresses discontent at not being a pilot. He’s annoyed because “everyone” but him is a pilot.

Thing is, Kensuke isn’t heartless, just ignorant. Idealism is one of the uglier things that runs thick in the heart of Evangelion. His is one of many cases of unhealthy idealism in Eva, another example of making it difficult for those living to understand one another.

V. Shinji as the Audience Surrogate

Shinji as the audience surrogate isn’t always touched up on, but is sort of understood subconsciously by a lot of the viewers. Shinji’s character is specific, yet so generalized that him being a surrogate for the audience just… works. Don’t believe me? Shinji gets two psychological exploration-based episodes whereas Asuka and Rei each have one. Episodes 16 and 24 are both psychological angel episodes, albeit the latter is more in-series subversive. The 24th episode doesn’t involve a breach of subconscious boundary, but the pilot (Shinji) is in the hot-seat, being made aware of their issues. Leliel, 12th angel, contacts Shinji in the former of these. Both characters talk to one another, shown as a series of horizontal lines and vertical lines, sometimes intersecting. These lines are a strong reference to the Johari Window, a tool in psychology which helps someone become more aware of themselves. The Window’s quadrants are as follows

1. the part known to the self

2. the part known to others

3. the part known to the self and others

4. the part known to no one

Leliel also states that the self only exists of one perceives themselves as well as others. The angel also states that Shinji could better his reality, to which Shinji absolves himself of responsibility by arguing the horrible state of his reality. It’s a subtle pushing to Shinji and by extension the viewer into free will. Kaworu builds up on these concepts with Eva’s in-universe concept for boundaries. Free Will versus Determinism is brought up here, with the idea that AT-Fields are brought up because the living (again, not people – emotional complexities aren’t only human) will them into existence. By exercising free will, it means enduring pain, one of Shinji’s, and again the audience’s greatest fears. Any relationship has pains and conflicts. This is all a buildup of free will, determinism, self-awareness, and the Hedgehog’s Dilemma. Understanding all of these means swallowing the “pain is inevitable” pill. The problem with much of us is that we like the idea of relationships rather than being in one. We want to feel validated but without the conflict, even if the conflict can be solved. We’re all Shinji because we’re all aware to life’s hellish catch-22s, so we run. There’s times in our lives where we run as far as possible from these woes, these truths, but there’s pain in running too. It’s why escapism seems like such a viable action for some of us.

Pain is inevitable, but pain can be mitigated.

More damning evidence to Shinji being a viewer stand-in lies in either endgame of Evangelion (pun intended). In EoE, after the Komm Susser Tod sequence of everyone on Earth being tanged, we’re treated to a shot of EoE’s live audience.

We hear Shinji’s voice about his reality while he talks to Rei toward EoE’s end. There are shots of the city, of people going about their daily lives cementing that this is about us. End of Evangelion shows us a less favorable side of Shinji, a departure from the lauded end series “Congratulations” scene, in which he does understand free will rather than perpetually dwell on negatives. Shinji reacts unfavorably toward Asuka in EoE after his mother’s speech to the audience that ‘anywhere can be paradise’ and Shinji stating he doesn’t know where his happiness resides. Shinji (We) still has a ways to go if he wants to be a better person.

It’s probably why many of us are either inclined to champion Shinji or harangue him, and either reaction is fair. Many of us are aware of audience surrogates, but never to this extent. Shinji isn’t his best person, but he can be. Being his best means self-reflection. Droves of people who first were exposed to Evangelion were teens, and again many of Shinji’s woes are specific yet so generalized, hence our feelings of defense and possibly disgust.

No one likes scathing, yet accurate call-outs on their person, but they’re paramount for us to understand ourselves and others.

VI. Abuse in Evangelion

One of the worst things recurring in all of original Evangelion is a bevvy of abuses.

Abuse comes in many shapes and forms and it’s many characters’ realities. Abuse happens not because the universe ‘wills it’ (determinism aka, ‘that’s just how people are’). Abuse, be it conscious emotional absence, actual neglect, among other ungodly acts fly though the cast.

Abuse is cyclical and a lot of those doing it often get away with murder because they have power.

Much of Eva is comprised of children being forced to sort through adults’ emotional baggage. Those children become adults and the cycle continues.

We all know a Gendo. Or even perhaps a Misato. Hell, even a Ritsuko.

Anno states that Gendo’s character is of a societal meta-text, which explains many viewers’ ire in relation to the character. He’s responsible for many of the seedy goings-on in Evangelion be it the financial (see: Jet Alone’s orchestrated out-of-control nature to give NERV more funding) or abuses (see: Rei, Shinji, Ritsuko, and, Naoko). It’s for this reason why Gendo’s actions are a sore spot for a lot of fans.

Anno: I’m not sure that it’s a real father [that Gendo represents]. Well, not a father in the sense of a parent with a blood relation to his child, but more, I think, [in the sense of being] a representative of society or the system. That’s why he has that expression.

Takekuma: So, he’s kind of amorphous.

Anno: The angels are the same. I made them appear amorphous in that way because, for me, society is unclear, the enemy is unclear.

Takekuma: Gendo is [a representation of] the boundries or the pressure of society itself.

Anno: That might be it. Perhaps Gendo is [a representation of] society itself.

http://wiki.evageeks.org/Statements_by_Evangelion_Staff

After many re-watches of certain Eva episodes, it just hit me, as I’m writing this why I’m sometimes apprehensive on an adult-exclusive lens of the show. This happens a lot in adolescence and our struggles are made trivial because of the mishandled baggage. As children, you’re meant to be subservient to parental whims. You have this sort of obligation to solve their problems. Give them closure. It doesn’t even need to be parental baggage, but just from adults in general. You see the way the adults act not just with the children but with each other. You see the way Gendo justifies neglecting Shinji, objectifying Naoko and Ritsuko or Naoko’s emotional absences as a mother to her daughter (also manifested through the MAGI). It’s these immature excuses as to why they can’t extend empathy to those around them.

It’s always excuses.

Eva’s original series has always been a show about children.

Tier 2: Just Below the Tip

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

VIII. Naoko + Casper

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

VII. The Infamous Elevator Scene

The Elevator Scene is a sequence that sometimes gets glossed over due to Evangelion’s fleeting budget. It took me years to realize the true gravity of the awkward silence of both the 22nd episode and its Director’s Cut version. The Director’s Cut version has Asuka abruptly jerking in the silence, but that blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment speaks volumes. Understanding the scene means understanding why Asuka quietly stews in her anger. Understanding why Asuka stews means understanding Asuka from her debut to her emotional breakdown.

Asuka’s appearance in the 8th episode, Asuka Strikes!, is marked by a bold persona that carries on until the end. She isn’t shy on imparting her prowess to Shinji, stating that Units 00 as well as 01 were the prototype and the test type, respectively. Her Evangelion, Unit-02 is the finished product. She even states that she graduated from university. Despite these impressive feats so early in adolescence, the only time in which they’re noted is when Asuka talks of them. Misato takes in both Shinji and Asuka, but only ever “dotes” on Shinji. Gendo pays attention to Shinji because he pilots Unit-01, and 01 contains the soul of his late wife. Rei is the clone of Gendo’s late wife, hence Gendo’s attention and overall creepy, selfish obsession with her. Asuka and Shinji’s relationship, with Misato as their caretaker strongly mimics a Golden Child and the Second Fiddle. The only difference is, Shinji gains more attention due to Gendo’s and Misato’s respective baggage. Again, Eva is a series where children are forced to handle the baggage (with no break in the cycle) and when the child doesn’t have anything the adult particularly can clue in on, they become neglected.

That’s Asuka’s dilemma.

It’s why Asuka forces herself to grow up.

It’s why Asuka is driven to be competitive to Shinji and Rei, later growing contemptible at both.

Asuka suffers a few curses, one of which being the youngest, the inevitability of being consciously sidelined dawns on her, leading to her selfsame breakdown toward series’ end. She aligns youth with trivialization, so naturally, she’d front with the opposite. She never gets help in relation to her period. Misato and Ritsuko realize something is up with Asuka but they never really offer her the support.

There’s also the flashback to her trauma in episode 22’s beginning. She’s replaced by her mother post-Contact Experiment (which led to a deterioration of her mental health) via a doll that looks like her, red hair in pigtails. It’s the leading factor to her feigned boldness, her ego. The way in which she is marginalized in the series brings it all back.

Rei breaks the silence with a few words of compassion and all Asuka can do is express disbelief. She mistakes compassion for contempt.

For pity.

The idea that anyone would extend kindness, especially now of all times, is unbelievable.

Asuka also experiences a dilemma here, a dilemma those like her face. She already knows what it means to be vulnerable and deeply hurt, but she needs to make herself vulnerable because now, more than ever, she needs the support. Being vulnerable will cause past traumas to flood back in full force, but by stewing she deprives herself of any support. Rei offers that support, but a few words of support in a wave of trivialization can’t help but feel a bit too strange.

Asuka’s greatest anxiety is realized in the twenty second episode. It’s of being and staying second fiddle, that she’s always been set up to fail. Even 2 episodes after the fact, in which she actually starves herself does she realize once more how she’s permanently ‘below’ others.

Asuka’s curse finds itself in real life, and it’s for that reason why I believe some find themselves resonating with her. Asuka’s gradual descent into bitterness is something I find myself waking up some nights thinking about after 7 years going through Eva; hers is a cautionary tale on being emotionally distant to cries of a damaged youth. Casually imparted knowledge of past achievements, and the competitive attitude mixed with embitterment, some of which from a genuine place but also a product of neglect. We were forced to play second fiddle, we forced ourselves to grow up to feel more legitimate, forced to carry an ire that stews because it seems no one listens.

VIII. Naoko+Casper

The late Naoko Akagi is a woman of multitudes. Those multitudes are compartmentalized into the 3 MAGI. They are Balthasar, Melchior, and Casper.

Casper shows itself to be the most prominent aspect of Naoko’s personality, her as a woman. Ritsuko states that, after the defeat of Iruel, 11th angel, that Casper is the part of her mother which remained that way to the end.

Balthasar and Melchior have been bested, be it by rival MAGI, or Iruel’s assault. This calls back to the fact that Naoko’s other facets aren’t anywhere near as prominent. Naoko has cited her own emotional negligence, of only showing emotions should it ever benefit her.

Casper on 3 occasions fights tooth and nail, Iruel’s assault, an attack by multiple MAGI in End of Evangelion or the defiance of Ritsuko activating the self-destruct sequence. Ritsuko does this to seek vengeance against Gendo for coming to the immense realization that he never genuinely cared for her. Gendo has always used Ritsuko for her body. This would destroy NERV, meaning killing herself and Gendo.

Then you realize why Casper overrides the sequence.

Casper’s stubborn behavior wasn’t actually to defend NERV but to protect Gendo. Casper’s defiance aka Naoko’s emotional absence toward her daughter allowed Gendo to kill a bewildered, rightfully angered Ritsuko.

The saddest part of Casper’s, no, Naoko’s choice is that Naoko got away with murder. Evangelion is a story about children dealing with the selfishness of adults and the adults never receiving justice for their wrongdoings. The relationship between Ritsuko and Naoko is an excellent example that this doesn’t just implicate the young pilots. Ritsuko dies in End of Evangelion with the truth that her mother, as a woman, in the end chose the man who manipulated both of them.

IX. The Other End of Existential Horror

Some spend their whole lives trying to make a mark. Others can’t help but be known.

People get smart sometimes to get themselves out of a current situation. Kaworu and Rei’s existences are such that they’re deadlocked from living. Their existences are the product of an experiment, to be later heavily watched and raised as the Last Messenger. The latter is the result of Gendo’s obsession with his late wife.

Kaworu and Rei’s existential crises are opposite from the rest of the cast; while others do their damndest to become known, they cannot be unknown. Rei’s character centering more around her identity than other characters is also initially and sneakily alluded in the opening.

The Johari Window is a tool encouraging self-awareness in the person, alluded to twice in the show, with the second time being in the sixteenth episode. Both usages of that illustration, for Rei, and Shinji drive home crucial aspects of the meta-text.

This would also tie Rei to Shinji in End of Evangelion forcing Shinji to reflect on his own awareness and will. Rei is an astute, young girl whose arc is about her personal relationship with identity, something she is all too familiar with due to her objectified nature. Rei’s arc is even more so entrenched in identity than other characters that she is one of the characters imparting personal and universal realities.

Ayanami Rei’s existence from start to finish is inundated with the issues of others, causing her to internalize being always expendable. In Rei’s Poem in episode 14, it becomes clear that she sees herself based on usage. She likens herself to a field of flowers, which slyly alludes to the Dummy System’s “parts” 9 episodes later, other Reis.

Rei is seen as malleable vessel which houses thoughts rather than her own person and she can’t do anything about it. So she resigns to her reality. Even if she does tell off Gendo in End of Evangelion for his objectifying, she’s not even out of the woods. She never will be.

I used to think Rei’s “slap” to the face to the man with the (most) baggage was empowering. Then I learned about abuse during adolescence, how kids who lack a support system act while away from their abusers. Even saying an emphatic “fuck you” to your abusers isn’t enough to be a happy ending. Rei is a girl who lacks a support system and she suffers from it. Start to finish.

Kaworu’s crises are much trickier to pinpoint because there’s so little to work with. He doesn’t get an episode dealing with personal, subconscious explorations. Getting his character means first getting how Evangelion re-contextualizes what “Ode to Joy” symbolizes. It also means understanding the AT-Field and most people won’t pick that up on an initial foray. Or maybe even a second. Most people don’t pick up that the AT Field implicates anything living and physical or its metaphor for boundaries and identity. There’s the common misconception that Evangelion is a “human” show.

Kaworu marks off his appearance humming “Ode to Joy” while Shinji wonders who to turn to. It’s a song generally known for its jovial nature, but most importantly, Ode to Joy is:

known also as the “Choral” Symphony. Its finale is a musical setting of Friedrich von Schiller ’s “Ode to Joy,” a hymn to the unity and freedom of humanity.

http://www.dictionary.com/browse/ninth-symphony

The Choral Symphony assumes a more horrific context later on. Kaworu is the last messenger and what his action is would lead to the mass annihilation to lilin/human or angels. ‘Unity of man’ is changed in Eva’s context – it marks either unity of man or the death of man. It doesn’t matter who Kaworu allows unity to, because his hands would be stained with death anyway. Then you realize why Kaworu deploys his most powerful AT Field during his descent to Heaven’s Door.

This is his reality.

Kaworu’s status as the Angel of Free Will isn’t about him being the only complex angel, as a lot of people think. It’s about being the sole individual handing that freedom to others.

You realize his terrifying dilemma goes to the tune of being feared for his own existence as an angel (which he notes to Shinji) and not being able to properly live.

Sometimes you ”hurt” people by existing.

Sometimes people hate you for the simple act of existing.

Kaworu’s and Rei’s terror is the other end of existential horror, that you can’t help but forced to be known. Sometimes you have knowledge but aren’t allowed to do much with it.

Tier 3: The Body of The Iceberg

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Scene

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

XIII. Kaworu + Adam’s True Power

X. War Horrors of ‘Ambivalence’

Episode 18 is where anxieties graduate into horrors both implied and visceral. Unease hangs over the episode, with the mystery of Unit-04’s disappearance and tests being done on Unit-03. Misato tells Shinji that because tests would be done, there’d be a pilot there. Misato uneasily withholds this info from Shinji and Kensuke breaks the silence with his recurring desire of being a pilot, still ignorant of the war horrors. There’s a subtlety that Shinji picks up on with Toji but not enough to put two and two together: that the big-eater himself isn’t feeling so hot.

The continual chirp of cicadas and birds nor the peel of the school bell are enough to break the unease of the viewer or of Toji. Toji goes from indirectly being affected by war vs angels to being chosen, drafted even, a child at the first line of defense for the apocalypse. We get a flashback of him beating down Shinji, before it cuts back to present day Toji. He will be in Shinji’s shoes.

Toji balls a fist, a recurring theme in Eva, to the tune of “What is your hand for?” Toji is finally about to take things into his own hands.

Asuka takes a few cracks at Shinji to Hikari that he hasn’t quite gotten the memo, but when Shinji asks her even she’s halted in words.

Then the day comes.

Tests are being done and suddenly Unit-03 goes rogue with Toji in her (note the Evangelions have the souls of the pilots’ mothers, save for Rei). Unit-03’s’s strange behavior is revealed to be the work of the 13th angel, Bardiel. Shinji’s ignorance is made worse by Misato’s absence (with Misato telling Ritsuko she’d tell Shinji the pilot’s info after the tests). Units 00 through 02 are sent out for the new threat and Shinji sees this new threat. Anxiety rises.

The song “Marking Time Waiting for Death” accentuates the anxiety. Unit-03’s silhouette eerily contrasts with the sun, her body slightly hunched and approaching slowly.

Fear washes over Shinji when he deduces that with an Evangelion inside, there must be a pilot.

Yet he still doesn’t know.

The other pilots are aware, and show reluctance to the revelation. A hijacked Unit-03 sets herself on Asuka, Rei, and even strangling Shinji. Shinji allows the angel-hijacked-being to strangle him, because killing another human being is simply horrific.

Eva has its hand in the war morals cookie jar here because Shinji stands at a conundrum, to other let this creature take his life or to murder flesh and blood. This dilemma goes double-time in war. Gendo asks why Shinji hasn’t dealt with the 13th yet, with a somewhat horrified Shinji pleading about the pilot. Gendo commands for the unfinished Dummy System to override Shinji’s controls and then suddenly...silence….

The Dummy Controlled Unit-01 springs back and we’re treated to a close-up of Unit-03/Bardi3l being strangled.

A nauseating crunch sounds and the unit goes limp. A controlled Unit-01 proceeds to raise hell on the incapacitated enemy, resulting in the unit’s blood and guts flowing through the streets. NERV’s personnel can’t do anything save for become fearful at the Dummy System’s capabilities. Terrible, visceral noises sound one by one as blows strike, as the unit’s severed limbs and blood splatters riddle the urban battlefield. Shinji hears every second, every squelch and splat.

Imagine the pain of 03’s pilot.

But the terrors don’t cease here.

01 doesn’t stop at just raising hell on the incapacitated 03, and we’re treated to another close-up shot of 01 tightly holding onto 03’s entry plug, before crushing it.

Somewhere away, Misato receives news that Unit-03 has been dispatched as an angel. Shinji feels the weight of having actually killed someone, before Misato actually breaks the news that the pilot is not only alive but that the greatly injured pilot is his classmate.

It never really hit me until now how this scene holds another horrifying subtlety. Compare this to episode 3, where Toji’s first interaction with Shinji involved him punching him, the very scene playing at this episode’s beginning. The 18th episode ends now with ,Toji and Shinji are both joined in the same camp, of children emotionally and physically marred by war, not able to fully control their situations.

XI. Unit-01 Berserk Sequence

Shinji stands in a situation where he can no longer take the terrors aligned with the Evangelion. He’s gone from sustaining injuries great and small from combat with the eldritch angels, to indirectly harming a friend through it. He resigns from his position as a pilot, understandably running away even with the approach of the 14th angel.

After a talk with Kaji about how he can control his future and he only, Shinji once again puts himself at the forefront of further pains. He must once more thrust himself to the terrors that align with the war-machines whilst struggling with other traumas.

During his fight against Zeruel, his Evangelion dies out and it all floods back to him. Shinji once again finds himself at a position of no power, frantically pressing at his controls to no avail.

He can only hear blow after blow of the 14th’s onslaught. He and Unit-01 are at their most vulnerable.

Until Unit-01 springs back.

W hat follows is the famous Berserk sequence, a scene whose terror can be thanks to Evangelion’s low budget.

We see the Evangelion in all her terror and the sort of off-ness that carries in this scene.

Episode 19 has no problems on treating us to front-row tickets to terror.

Unit-01 snatches part of Zeruel’s appendage and adds it to her mass. A sickening squelch sounds and her new appendage contorts into place in an instant.

She moves over to her incapacitated, angelic meal and doesn’t hesitate to chow down. The shots feel too personal yet nowhere near in the sense of the show’s meta-textual reflections. It’s almost like stumbling on a cryptid and when she shoots a look at the viewer, it feels as if she’s looking at us, like we’ve interrupted her dinner. Or perhaps she did finish the meal... and she’s in the mood for seconds? Perhaps even thirds?

The bizarre and eldritch nature of the Evangelions goes full force with this imagery. Episodes 2 and 16 laid the foundation of how off the Evangelion Unit-01 was with how she openly mutilates her targets. Or even the unsettling roar of Unit-01 that’s not entirely bestial. The sound is straddles a line between the blood-curdling bestial and the human. But here? Eva Unit-01’s position, from her hunched figure, to her more feral position as she feasts, feels far too organic...and far too human.

The Evas themselves aren’t human, but the souls housed within are. Eva’s souls are souls of the respective pilots’ mothers, an example of the mother and child symbolism omnipresent in Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Shinji’s mother is Yui and as we go through the series, we realize the s2 engine appliance was intentional. An s2 engine offers infinite stores of energy and this is needed for Instrumentality. With the s2 engine within her grasp and the fact that Evas don’t subsist on anything, this would make the consumption of 14th completely recreational.

It’s super tempting to frame this scene as containing some abomination that now stands unchained and indiscriminate in its targets, but it isn’t. It’s sort of understandable because Units 00 and 02 don’t come close to exhibiting this sort of behavior nor were they in this circumstance. Neither Unit-00 nor 02 have any desires in regard to Instrumentality. In the end, we should look to Yui and her own endgame, because Yui’s running the show here.

XII. Dummy Plugs + CNS

Ritsuko states the Dummy Plugs are machines which imitate pilot’s thinking. There’s a bit more than the possibility of this being 100% AI due to the apparatus Rei is in.

This very likely implies the respective person’s thought processes added with AI programmed in a way which best “describes” the pilot (basically how they are perceived). In episode 17, Rei is situated in this apparatus strongly resembling the central nervous system, the brain and the spinal cord.

{The central nervous system CNS is responsible for integrating sensory information and responding accordingly. It consists of two main components:

1. The spinal cord serves as a conduit for signals between the brain and the rest of the body. It also controls simple musculoskeletal reflexes without input from the brain.

2. The brain is responsible for integrating most sensory information and coordinating body function, both consciously and unconsciously. Complex functions such as thinking and feeling as well as regulation of homeostasis are attributable to different parts of the brain.

https://mcb.berkeley.edu/courses/mcb135e/central.html

Ritsuko imparts the unsettling revelation about Rei and by extension the Dummy Plant itself (after Misato coerced her into learning about Rei). The Reis are the core of the Dummy Plugs (and the System used to brutalize a hijacked Unit-03 and its trapped pilot). This scene adds more to the extent of Rei’s objectification, of her being replaced. It adds on to Rei III’s comment of being ‘the third.’

Rei isn’t savage by any means but the sheer brutality of Dummy System’d Unit-01 5 episodes prior may hint at her straightforward nature.

I’d like to pitch that Ritsuko’s approach to Rei’s Dummy Data was also the product of her subtle animosity toward Rei. When she refers to the Dummy Plug as a machine which mimics human thinking, she’s talking about Rei. She also refers to her similarly in episode 23 by referring to Rei as spare parts, as if Rei herself is some soulless machine whose parts can be switched out if need be. This could also call back to Rei’s poem, in which she calls herself a vessel which holds human thoughts.

Another question remains: how does Kaworu play into this?

The MPEs (the Mass Production Evangelion series) use Kaworu’s Dummy data, meaning that there are cloned Kaworus stored off somewhere, perhaps floating with soulless smiles the same as Rei has.

Treated as spare parts.

This also implies that Kaworu is more or less reduced to an object.

What’s more disturbing is the nature of the MPEs gratuitous method of ravaging and mutilating Unit-02 and by extension Asuka.

Kaworu hasn’t ever demonstrated any degree of malice, so this can’t really insinuate a ‘Kaworu is secretly evil’ narrative. But this can tie back to a recurring theme of humans fearing and despising angels. It’s because of this that the revelation of our genetically identical nature or the fact that they can comprehend our psychology is framed in-show as kind of shocking. It is because we’re so disturbed at the angels’ existence (or anything else we don’t comprehend) that we view them as inherently savage in nature. Kaworu’s quick-to-perceive personality most likely translated itself along with the AI. This would also rule in the somewhat strategic way in which the MPEs act against Asuka, exploiting her attack patterns through surprise attacks.

Some of Kaworu’s as well as Rei’s Dummy Data are the product of universal (Kaworu) and personal (Rei) contempt by people. Let that sink in.

XIII. Kaworu’s + Adam’s True Power

The bottom of the fridge horror portion of this iceberg is something that has subtly plagued me for years. We’ve only ever caught glimpses of Kaworu’s abilities in his debut episode. I picked up on it little by little with each re-watch of the episode, with every other time his abilities dawning on me. If I wasn’t focusing on how his character fits in the greater framework of Evangelion, I was cluing in on his abilities.

One of his abilities is being able to block out light, magnetism, and subatomic particles. Some of the forces which make up the universe. This witnessed by the viewer when he realizes the whole of humanity’s welfare hangs by a thread, due to the coexistence of angels and Adam.

Adam.

Adam’s soul lies within Kaworu. Adam. Who utilized an Anti-AT Field which caused Second Impact. An Anti-AT Field, which killed off much of the Katsuragi Crew in Antarctica.

This makes Kaworu the most powerful angel in the original Evangelion series.

Eva has shown that ownership of an angel’s soul (or partially, if you’re onboard the Rei I is in Unit-00 theory) allows the person to inherit the angel’s abilities through Rei. Rei blocks off Kaworu’s immensely powerful field with one of her own, canceling out both as a result. As we know, AT Fields for people are a figurative affair. People lack the physiology to exhibit a physical AT Field because they don’t have cores like angels do. Angels’ souls when possessed by humans have a sort of ability to circumvent parts of human physiology (if you’re looking for the whole package, you should eat angel’s flesh too). Rei also shows the ability to float, implied in episode 24 and shown explicitly in End of Evangelion.

But this raises a few questions about the last messenger is the ability to block out some of the forces of the universe Adam’s powers or Kaworu’s? Another ability that continues to plague me the more I think about it is Kaworu’s AT-Field usage on Heaven’s Door to bypass its lock.

We haven’t actually seen Adam’s other powers (if the angel has any) because the it’s anti-AT Field was halted via Lance of Longinus. Other than its ethereal appearance in flashbacks, we only see an incapacitated Adam in embryonic form. That’s it. We don’t know if Adam exhibits any other powers due to this impediment. If Adam does have more powers, this would add onto both the fridge horror factor of Adam and Kaworu.

Tier 4: Pre-Abyss

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

XVI. Unit 01+ MPE Gorging Scenes

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arka

XIV. The “Nihilist” Lens

There’s something that implicates the whole cast. Something that goes beyond the meaning of the AT-Field, and the all-too-known Hedgehog’s Dilemma.

Eva is filled to the very brim with psychological concepts, but there’s one thing which ties this all together. It goes much larger than the desire to become validated or cycles of abuse and unresolved issues to a newer generation.

Free Will Vs. Determinism ties the entire cast together and is disturbing in its own right. It not only ties the cast together but also contributes to Eva’s meta-narrative.

Episode 16’s sequence with Leliel, Shinji, and the Johari Window gives little breadcrumbs to this psychological dilemma. Leliel teaches Shinji about his own identity as well as slowly ushering him to a sense of self-awareness. Leliel also attempts to usher Shinji out of filtering reality with only convenient parts. Shinji argues that he can’t really be held culpable for his actions, because the one and only reality is that reality is awful, bar none. Not his reality, but reality as a whole. This deterministic stance becomes ever more blatant 8 episodes later with the appearance of Nagisa Kaworu.

Kaworu’s designation is the angel of free will. The irony of this stands in the fact that Kaworu isn’t the only angel who can exhibit free will (with some of the angels before him taking the time to try comprehending people). Kaworu’s status comes from his identity as the last messenger, bringing about freedom for one species (humans/lilin or angels) at the expense of the other. Kaworu knows his reality well and in the end, seeks to better the reality of those around him. Eva doesn’t romanticize the prospect of free will, however, because Kaworu is so aware of his own person and how he can hurt those around him that it greatly bothers him.

The metatext doesn’t just position Shinji as being in the wrong, but also the audience. Remember the point I made before about Shinji being the audience substitute? It’s further hammered home from the series’ tail end and into End of Evangelion.

“That’s just the way things are.” is a common response to things in life we feel resigned on changing, because we don’t know how to change them. This quote is a parallel to Shinji’s “humans aren’t made to float!” in episode 16.

Shinji does know how to change much of his reality, but by doing so he’d be pushed into free will. Free Will is the solution and it means holding yourself accountable rather than believe that it’s everyone else with the problem. With the idea that you can change your reality, it offers you the opportunity to love yourself.

If you love yourself, then it becomes much easier to love others.

Eva’s free will and determinism metatext hammers home the extension of empathy.

Shinji/the viewer’s greatest problem is that because we don’t love ourselves it makes it difficult to extend the love to everyone else. Shinji’s love translates as idealism. Because of his unhealthy idealism, he is hindered from understanding people.

By ascribing your beliefs from determinism to free will, it opens your mind to an entire world of possibilities, but therein lies the terror. It is because of these possibilities that Shinji and by extension, the viewer, likely fears free will. Shinji finds ways make himself validated, but with free will, the argument could be made that it doesn’t matter. There’s the anxiety-crippling likelihood that none of it actually matters, because your existence doesn’t matter. If we’re going on this bent, acts of making an adequate impression on others are acts of personal denial. In the end, these are what they are, possibilities.

The greatest terror of it all is that we don’t know.

User power-chords makes an excellent point about the inherent darkness of an internal locus of control.

User power-chords posits the idea of existential absurdity for Shinji not as a certainty but a possibility. There’s always a likelihood that our desires to comprehend the world around us, to find ultimate understanding are in vain.

Cheesy as it sounds, people fear ambiguity because we seek a satisfying end. We don’t just seek answers. We want outside closure and inner peace, but we won’t always get it. It’s why we rationalize relationships that end on bad notes. Sometimes you worry about your falling-outs...and it hurts. You never got the answers your wanted so this pain carries, for months, sometimes even for years. Dwelling on the issue serves no purpose other than to keep that hurt with you. The best thing to do sometimes is to find your own closure, your own meaning.

No, Evangelion isn’t actually pro-nihilism, but it presents us with that likelihood. That’s what makes this aspect of the narrative so terrifying: The consideration that we find meaning in the meaningless.

XV. The True Nature of Sync Rates

The nature of injuries and having them in adds onto the innate horror --be it war or otherwise-- and themes of the Evangelion. The severity of the injury is based on how high the pilot’s sync ratio is. An average rate while sustaining damage will bring hurt to the actual pilot in the respective spot. Some examples:

Sachiel makes multiple headblows to Unit-01 and Shinji in episode 2, causing head trauma.

Ramiel’s, (5th angel), particle beam attack in episode 6, an attack so severe that Shinji needed medical care.

Unit-00 and Rei being infected by a Bardiel hijacked Unit-03 in episode 18. Toji’s condition in episode 18 stands as a large example of the innately disturbing nature of sustained injuries.

Toji’s condition becomes all the more nauseating when you see Evangelion parts and blood flow through Tokyo-3.

Toji could feel every last second of strangulation, body blow, and feel the unspeakable pain of his arm being severed. Let that sink in.

Asuka receives the worst of these considering the nature of her sync rate being high. The higher the rate the more kept the damage is. The circumstances behind Asuka getting the worst of it goes back to the AT-Field. Asuka understood the meaning of the AT-Field, that the more you open yourself up to others, the more hurt you become. The realization dawns on Asuka as her mother from within the Evangelion shields her from the onslaught of JSSDF troops.

It’s then that Asuka finally comprehends what the Absolute Terror Field is. Despite her emotional needs being neglected, realizing she’s set up to fail, and going comatose she still goes on.

Asuka, despite everything, takes a chance and opens her heart knowing the double-edged nature of the AT Field. What happens next?

Asuka took a chance.

She opened her heart...

...and she got hurt all because she opened herself.

XVI. Unit 01+MPE Gorging Sequences

The brutality of both Unit-01 and the Mass Production Evas holds three layers: of visual horror, implied horror, and thematic horror. Unit-01, after taking Zeruel’s s2 engine into herself, proceeds to then brutalize the 14th angel by way of still gorging on it. The feeding was entirely recreational considering Evangelions don’t subsist on food to function. This was more about the sheer act of brutality for brutality’ sake.

The Mass Production Evas also fall under this category, the way in which they deal with Asuka after incapacitating her with a replicated Lance of Longinus is also sadistic and gratuitous. They also proceed to gorge on Asuka, her fate made worse through the simple fact that her sync rate is heightened.

The MPEs don’t even swiftly finish her off. She is in a state of tremendous and unimaginable pain. They fly above her slowly, circling above her mangled Eva.

They are almost mocking her as she can do nothing, save for writhe. Asuka’s seething, repeated “I’ll kill you...I’ll kill you….” is then silenced by the MPEs spearing her down.

The brutality doesn’t end there, as we see much darker implications of the damage sustained toward the end of the first half of End of Evangelion.

Shinji bears witness to the implications after seeing the decimated remains of Unit-02 being carried off by some of the Mass Production Units. The sickening reality of it all dawns on him and he is once more exposed to the woes of war and the nightmarish aspect tied of the Evangelions.

XVII. Ancient Ruins of Arqa

We’re ending the pre-abyssal end of the iceberg with Evangelion’s original proposal.

Eva’s proposal, a far cry to the show today, had a more sci-fi angle to it. Psychological concepts weren’t exactly pitched nor was it self-aware. The angels weren’t even referred to as the angels, but as the Apostolos. Instead of the 18 we were presented with in the original show and the movies, there were 28 Apostolos.

The Apostolos designs stand as testament to how far of a departure the proposal was to the final cut. They look far more menacing than the more amorphous, much softer defined, beady-eyed angels we’re used to. To top it all off, the Apostolos were the de facto villains of Evangelion’s prototype pitch. The Apostolos in the Proposal, toward the end, proceed their onslaught as a group rather than the series’ one by one. Toward the series’ end, the 12 strongest Apostolos begin their assault on North America, annihilating the continent in its entirety.

Only 12 of the creatures laid waste to a singular continent.

Episode 24: "Now, the Promised Time"

Rei breaks down. Her secrets are revealed. At last awakened, the twelve strongest Apostolos descend from the Moon. Both Eva Unit-06 and the American continent vanish completely. Humans acknowledge their helplessness in the face of the Apostolos' crushing power. The promised time, when people will return to nothing, approaches. A human drama in the depths of despair.

Episode 25: "Arqa, the Promised Land"

The laboratory holds the ancient ruins of Arqa, which have become key. In order to stop the twelve Apostolos, the United Nations' head members annul the Human Instrumentality Project and resolve to destroy the Apostolos. Shinji's father objects. Shinji and the others stay at the laboratory for Rei. A drama of people conflicting over incongruous objectives.

https://wiki.evageeks.org/Resources:Neon_Genesis_Evangelion_Proposal_(Translation)

The aforesaid creatures were so powerful in the original pitch that Human Instrumentality and the ancient ruins of Arqa would be the way of stopping the onslaught.

Tier 5: The Abyss

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

XIX. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

XX. The Ultimate Paradox

XVIII. Split Second Misato Death

As the last and most explicit aspect of original Evangelion, it would only make sense that EoE specific content would take its place in Tier 5. End of Evangelion is a 90 + minute tour de force with disturbing imagery back-to-back. Split Second Misato Death refers to one of the most unsettling images sprinkled all throughout the movie. Here are a few of the many examples of EoE’s building up on Evangelion’s ugliest parts.

Everyone cites the infamous hospital scene not even 5 minutes into the film as the first proof, but user power-chords has pointed out, Shinji has actually attempted suicide (refer to the ‘Free Will v. Determinism’ part of the iceberg.)

After Misato is mortally wounded and sends Shinji off in an elevator not long after, the JSSDF blow up that part of NERV. A few people have pointed out the most disturbing facet of this scene: through freeze-framing that you can actually see Misato’s body during.

The JSSDF scene partway through End of Evangelion in which NERV personnel are summarily annihilated.

For those missing the small detail of Shinji’s attempted suicide ,Shinji’s depressed state is made more clear when the JSSDF locate him. When they do they attempt to kill him execution style. Shinji doesn’t move.

“I don’t want to die…!” during the JSSDF’s assault, Asuka is awoken from comatose state. She is protected by her mother via an AT-Field by Unit-02. She gains back her self-preservation after this realization, and multitude of images play. One of them is an extremely gruesome close-up of Asuka’s face. (extreme body horror warning, proceed with caution)

The Komm Susser Tod scene beginning with Shinji strangling Asuka in harsh coloring, Naoko’s same action toward Rei plays right after. A few disturbing child drawings follow after, predominantly featuring death. (seizure warning, body horror warning)

End of Evangelion’s flooring nature comes from the fact that it builds up on the subtly horrific and makes these terrors explicit. Whatever existed beyond closed doors becomes now available for us to see,

XVIII. Humans Are The Villains in Eva

At the penultimate point of the abyss lies a horror as old as much of time. Of the humane being more disgusting than the monsters.

That we can be monstrous.

This fact becomes known with the appearance of the JSSDF as dispatched by SEELE, methodically mowing down NERV personnel with little to no weaponry of their own. We’re treated to NERV’s personnel in their hallways, some forced with the moral dilemma of leaving their own to die while surviving or helping their own while both end up being gunned down.

It becomes apparent that SEELE has been gradually, intentionally chipping away at NERV’s Defense Budget, getting rid of the (little) competition they have after the defeat of the Last Messenger.

There’s a degree of contempt and casual sadism that comes with how they kill the personnel. In one instance, a NERV worker surrenders to the JSSDF, before being killed off in execution style in the distance (one headshot plus two extra shots for good measure).

When you look back at it, this sort of sheer, unabashed brutality wasn’t felt about the angels. Human attitude about the angels is largely fearing, anxious. This attitude accentuated itself through a sometimes nervous soundscape. Of observing these weird, ghastly creatures as they creep and swim. And the feeling’s mutual. The problem is that we don’t know.

But here? We do know.

When the JSSDF move in, the anxiety of angels graduates to the full-force dread of creatures that have killed before. The greatest enemy to humanity has always been with them all along, forcing them to a catch-22. The dread falls on Maya because she understands this perfectly. NERV has only ever shot at targets rather than living flesh…

...and SEELE knows this.

SEELE’s slow, but sure suppression of NERV’s budget is kicking a man while he’s down, but the man in question is a child instead. The JSSDF have more than enough firepower, calling it overkill goes beyond an understatement.

The JSSDF demonstrate the lack of remorse further with the discovery of Third Child, Shinji Ikari. One of the members presses the barrel to Shinji’s head before Misato steps in and kills the members.

The JSSDF isn’t the only damning evidence of how ugly members of humanity can be, however.

Humanity’s on-occasion grossness shows itself in small ways throughout the series, in dislike and conscious emotional distance for individuals, or beliefs of the angels being unintelligent and/or savage. Other times it manifests fiscally, in orchestrating more ethical approaches to stopping certain destruction to go seemingly haywire in order for NERV to receive more funding. This all due to a rival company of NERV challenging the very idea for its usage of child soldiers.

The worst of this damning fact is that many of the morally repugnant members exist on a higher echelon of society. There are Gendos running around, doing as they so please and they’re the tip of their echelon iceberg.

XIX. The Ultimate Paradox of Evangelion

“Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live.”

We’re treated to these words as Shinji finds himself on shores surrounded by an isolate hellscape, with Asuka next to him. The strange and altogether horrific nature of End of Evangelion has gotten fans believing on End of Evangelion’s endgame was in certain, nihilistic. But Eva dipping its hand in the likelihood of meaning in the existentially meaningless isn’t even the ultimate terror of Eva’s self-aware universe, nor is it the tendency for man to become contemptible towards itself.

Evangelion greatest terror is the paradoxical nature of free will.

Yui’s words to her son as she drifts off into the ever-expanding cosmos, her status as a deity realized, is that paradise is universal. EoE assumes this unconventionally positive approach to a whole series worth of characters’ woes. The issue is: finding paradise is ultimately conditional.

Free Will’s paradoxical nature is what gives credence to the ongoing Free Will vs. Determinism dilemma. People can use their free will to take away yours entirely and this is most evident with Rei. Her existence is the result of a man’s unhealthy attachment to his wife, her lack of self-preservation the result of being conditioned as a multi-purpose vessel; her desire to merge with Lilith to become an omnipresent mother-figure was not hers. The nature of disallowing free will exists on a spectrum, as people can use their free will not to take away the whole of others’ freedoms, but to disallow them proper emotional growth. The adults around Asuka weren’t around for her during the series, leading to her eventual downfall.

Unit-01, throughout much of the second part of EoE holds the power to give or deny people’s physicality due to her status of having both Fruits of Life (the s2 engine held by angels) and Wisdom (from the Lance of Longinus merged with the Eva earlier on). This gives Unit-01 her deity status and while within Lilith-Rei, Shinji realizes that not everyone would be there in his life, that he can’t be in the center of others’ lives. It’s for that reason why he denies people’s physicality (“They can all just die.”), which turns people into LCL.

Shinji gives allows people the ability to come back from Instrumentality after realization arises that without other people, there’s no way to tell if Shinji, himself exists or not. Kaworu and Rei also give him the reality that with people back, pain will become an inevitability once more. With all the souls gathered by Lilith-Rei, they are released after her death.

With the souls of those cast into Instrumentality dispersed, those turned into LCL now hold the ability to come back from Instrumentality if they so choose.

While the idea of anywhere being paradise rings true, it’s not entirely satisfying to say that EoE is unconventional in its uplifting message to the viewer. Evangelion is at its core a cautionary tale. It warns the viewer into extensions of empathy and openness that others would properly live. This goes double for those with power. Without that compassion, we’ll have Asukas, Misatos, Ristukos, as well as Reis, those in the world whose downfalls come from emotional absences, neglect, objectification, and forced baggage. We would have Shinjis, those wanting to be at the nexus of others’ importance because they were deprived while young.

Kindness is a powerful thing and the lack of compassion present in all of Eva implicates most everyone. It leads to yet more abusive cycles, with the only thing breaking that cycle being a hand for those in need.

XX. Conclusion

What more can be said over this juggernaut which is a host to a bevvy of darkness? Evangelion is testament that anxieties and horror don’t need to start out as blatantly shocking or visceral to make an impact years down the line. They also don’t need to be out in the open to initially hook you either. You pick up on a few anxieties as well as horrors and you realize deep down, there must be more, which drives many of us to engage in this often times unabashedly dark source material.

Some of us are doing it later in the throes of adolescences, others are doing so well into their 20s, possibly dipping into their 30s. Point is, it draws in a lot of us and for a lot of us, it doesn’t ever let go.

Some of its charm could be chalked to the visceral ways in which characters interact. Even after years of re-watches, I’m still learning new things about the child soldiers, and I’m quite sure there’s others finding small details. There’s also the possibility of Eva’s approach to terror. I think Evangelion “humanized” its horror. It didn’t make horror a universally human feeling, but made it so that the true big bads looking to cause apocalypse weren’t actually the eldritch. Many of the angels are more or less lost kids looking for their mother (I still think Ramiel’s “singing” in episode 5 was it calling for its mother!).

With those newer details after 20+ years, there will be more added to the iceberg. Hell, there should be more added to the iceberg. This iceberg is the tip of an even greater iceberg. I’m still learning about their adults and their desires as well, how cyclical their actions are. For others, the draw-in factor lies in its low budget. Personally, it’s all of these for me: the low budget helped cement these darker aspects of the series due to horror and the genre’s overall relationship with limitation. It works best on limitation and had Eva worked with a much higher budget, I don’t think the content would be as effective, or perhaps it’d be much more difficult to make it so.

Evangelion is such a well-done, deceptively compact series that each lens a fan assumes has its own interesting rabbit hole. Your circumstance shapes the experience, and this too involves how you navigate the series’ menagerie of terrors.

I’d also like to thank the reader for getting through the largest rabbit hole in Evangelion. I’d also like to thank you for getting through the whole of this meta from a fan who slowly began to resonate with the characters as the years went on!

#neon genesis evangelion #shinji #kaworu #asuka #rei #seizure warning #body horror warning #suicide mention #correct me if im wrong #credit goes to twitter user decoratedboar for the iceberg picture help #and fixes

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