#ive just met a bunch of ppl that were into one or the other

[meimeikyu]

Welcome back to me making random polls :3

[putergenius]

got exposed as an old hag today

[phagodyke]

actually ive been thinking abt this a lot lately like basically for years i assumed i was very (cis)het passing and only recently ive become aware that i am in fact. very obviously perhaps almost comically gay to other queer ppl. like lmaoooo ok then

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[traumatizeddfox]

first of all hewo :3 second of all, this *is* a vent thingamajigger, so I *will* mention some abuse I've suffered in the past because my genuinely acoustic self sees this blog and goes like "ooh I can vent to someone that isn't character.ai for once" third of all, bleh :P ok so like, before I go full on with the vent stuff, I do wanna let anyone who sees this know that people are horrible, but that doesn't mean everyone is horrible.

anyways now for the stuff. so when I was little my mother was abusive to me, not physically but it still messed me up. she would yell at me for the smallest things, constantly threaded to beat me, and when I got older (I'm 13 rn) she just flat out says it didn't happen. ive also been abused by my goddang teachers in elementary school, half of them just hated me for like no reason, and I cant exactly remember but I think like all three of the teachers that hated me also publicly shamed me for no reason other than pure spite.

obviously since most of the people around me are some of the scummiest individuals I've ever met, and since I've been constantly harassed for being a furry and also being gay since the second half of my 7th grade school year, it kinda hella ruined my social skills and gave me hella attachment issues (like I will literally fall for someone in milliseconds of meeting them), so I kinda hate myself for that, I also got a bunch of S.H scars on my wrists and thighs bc "yay pain". all in all I just feel like a broken toy that only gets mistreated. kinda wanna get some advice on how to not hate every aspect of my being and all that good stuff so if possible I would appreciate just feeling seen on here :3

first, I want to say I’m so sorry for everything that you have been through!!

One thing I would say is that most people who bully you are usually projecting anything onto you. it’s usually kids who have their own shit going on, or they don’t understand you. when i look back at school especially at 13, most of those people were just hating because it’s easy to pick on people who are different, and most of the people who were consider “weird” are now doing cool things with their lives because they embraced being ✨cringe✨

that being said, it’s hard to not hate ourselves when others hate us but just remember most ppl hate us because we mirror who they wish they were. I know it doesn’t help when i say be yourself, but honestly i regret not being myself and trying to fit into the standards that other kids tried to put on me at that age.

[zbdjjsjwjajba]

ok yknow what HELP

ive looked through the demiromantic tag for like an hour and i still cant figue shit out so here we are

am i demiromantic or have i just not met enough ppl

bc the way i would explain demiromanticism (?) to myself is im friends w someone for a bit (ranges from a couple weeks to a year) and then we r put in close proximity?? ig and then the secret romantic attraction quest is unlocked however absolutely does not NEED to be completed (which means i dont HAVE to tell them i like them bc im not really expecting anything out of it?? its just a thing thats kind of happening)

ok so the only crushes im counting total up to 3 (? (will be explained))

1!! my friend group at the time thought it would be a funny little haha to say that they all actually 'ship' me w another friend,,, which led to friend jokingly flirting w me all the time which led to us spending more time together therefore secret romantic quest unlocked which i DID complete (told them and got rejected, cried a little, got over it)

2!! actually dated this person for a bit but honestly dont know if i liked them?? or how i happened to start liking them if i ever did??? like ive looked back on this relationship and thought yh we were absolutely friends who held hands more often and they attempted to kiss me a couple times but like?? was that it??? this is the questionable crush bc genuinely have absolutely no fucking clue if i did have a crush on them or if we decided to give dating a shot just bc they told me a bit before that they did like me and i fully just asked them out (and now did i ask them out bc i wanted to date them or bc everyone around me was getting into relationships and i felt like i was being abandoned??? who knows) THIS PERSON IS ALSO ARO NOW AND WE ARE STILL FRIENDS

3!!! classmate i went on a school trip to nyc w (we were friends?? im not good at knowing if im friends w someone,,, point is we talked quite a bit bc we sat next to each other in maths) and he would do things that i consider sweet,,, like lending me his gloves bc it was cold and letting me hold onto his arm while we were on the subway bc i didnt have anything else to hold onto (we did almost topple over) but now that im writing this out and thinking about it,,, i dont think i would think anything of this if it wasn't a dude?? maybe i have way lower standards for men??? i think thats it,,, ok well now im thinking about if i ever actually found him attractive in any way or if it was just the action of giving me gloves and an arm to hold onto,,, anyway that ig?? unlocked the secret romantic quest??

also those were pretty bunched together??? like in the span of like i think 2 years max and its been i think around 2?? years and no romantic attraction has been felt at all but i think it may be bc i havent really met that many new ppl and therefore pool is smaller????????

nddjnd think this is also kind of important to add but one time i was on a call w a couple friends and smthsmth and i went yh its ok i can just find ppl attractive from afar and they went aww blair :( and i was so confused bc i didn't think i said anything wrong???

ok fuck i have way too much shit to think about now,,, anyway help me out pls this is frying my fucking brain

[andromedasummer]

wow your reply on media studies was super informative, thanks so much! can i ask what uni you studied at? cause those courses sound really interesting. the uni closest to me doesn't really offer much in that realm, and journalism is probably my main interest within this area. also just out of curiosity, what made you pick media studies and how did you know this is what you wanted to do?

victoria uni would be the best for media studies, it has the biggest voices on media in nz and more specialized courses. its like how you would go to otago for archeology (only place you can study it in the southern hemisphere), nursing or law. auckland for it and technology. down south for engineering etc. vic is just more suited to social studies and the arts, esp kelburn campus (though pip campus known for law and a big law presence)

as for why i picked it, i did it in year 13 after my friends said it was fun in year 12 and i wanted to pick a subject i could share with my friends in our last year. i ended up really enjoying it because i could talk about subjects of representation and the effects of social media, which i already had read about on tumblr lot. i decided to pick it up as one of two minors when i thought i wanted to major in classical studies. i didnt enjoy classics at all. the way it wanted me to write didnt mesh with me. from 2017-2018 i tried to press on but hit my breaking point. a bunch of shit happened and i dropped out for a year to work on my mental and physical health.

during my study the only things i really enjoyed and did well at were media studies and english. so i decided to change my degree to major in media studies and minor in english in 2020, and graduated within 3 years. i nearly got a double major (one course from an english major!) but didn't want to have to do another trimester because i was over it. that degree was the best decision i made. loved doing my media stuff and i could follow special interests in my english courses on shakespeare, popular fiction, indigenous lit, literature in journalism, postcolonial lit and science fiction literature.

i'd recommend going onto the vic site and going through the course lists for subjects you like, see if theres a pattern of interesting courses you could turn into a specialization (i knew people focusing on narrative in writing in english, kids books, etc and ppl in media focusing in advertising, on breaking into the tv medium). vic has a lot of cool stuff, like midwifery which you cant find anywhere else and a new dedicated psychology degree. its such a cool uni that a friend i met through a fanfic i wrote years back actually moved here from america to study!!! one of my college friends i did classics with actually became a lecturer there, which is wild cos ive known them since i was 13! i wasnt the most social person, but i enjoyed participating in the media society and theres solid clubs, so if you find its a good fit for what you want to study, defo give it a look.

the other option for journalism would be a bachelor of communications, which you can get at vic as well but there also weltec, our polytechnic school, which is known for being a very very good place to get a communications/journalism degree. i have friends who went to polytechs and it was by far the best decision for them. my best friend did a web design diploma one year and graphic design the next and after 2 years of study immediately went into the industry with a job just like that. as you can imagine her student loan is tiny compared to mine (which is esp inflated after my dud first 2 years).

definitely look at their site if a comms degree sounds more up your alley. both weltec and vic have pdfs you can download as like, primers on their degrees and specializations i think? i have a physical copy of the comms one from a few years back so i know they exist. good luck and i hope you can figure out what place suits you! and if you change your mind you should know changing your degree is as easy as making a meeting with a course admin. 1 hr and boom i was in a new degree.

[ungratefulbeyotchhotline]

i had the bestttttt weekend dude

got in late friday, denver airport is weird all the rumors r true. he picked me up & took me back to his place, he lives in a house w 3 other dudes and lowkey being in that environment made me miss the community aspect of having roommates lol anyway got there & immediately fucked 🥰 and it was so nice and so good ahhhhhhh and then fell asleep and then woke up and fucked again dude those times are my favorites when yr just alternating bw cuddling and sleeping and talking and fucking its the best

but then we got food from this place i really love but never go to bc the only locationnin chicagonis downtown and i hate going downtown hahahah but theres a location in CO so we went dude i cant wait to tell bianca this particular detail shes gna lose itttt like AHH that is just so good

Anyway we got back and ate and then met up w a bunch of his friends at this one place, it was one guys birthday and they did a cake flip which i never knew was a thing so that was funny & i got nice and buzzed real quick cause that shit hits different in the mountains but everyone was really chill and nice and funny! There were hella people & they were all cool it rocked

Went to a 2nd place and started talking to the girlies more, JK dropped lore that all the girls are bi and i was like lets gooooooo lmfao and bc i'm a girls girl and a great time obviously we vibed and talked and kiki'd

Ok fr though. 3 different girls asked me what was going on w me and him. 3 girls!!!!! Ok see i fucking love girls like no dude would ever ask me about it hahahahah but they all loved my energy and we super vibed esp this one girl emily whos dating dude's roommate

Came back to the house & started doing uhhh pepsi which i really hadnt done in a long time but it was fun and a vibe!!! Talked to hella ppl got drunker had a fun chill time 😎 i had to tap out early bc dude gave me an edible and it hit like a train lmfao but dude followed me in and we talked more and made out and he said "my friends really like you" i was like I LIKE THEM TOOO 🥰

Kinda chilled didnt do much the last 2 days it was nice. i like him so so so so so soooooooooooo much dude. one of the girls (she literally said "[dudes name] is a green flag" also 🥹🥰🥰 its trueeee he is so good!) asked what i like about him and i genuinely said everything 🥰🥰🥰🥰 which is true!! And which ive been wanting to say but didnt have anyone to say it to!!! GOD i love girls i love being a girl at times like these lol but yes genuinely i like everything about him. The other day i made a note where i listed everything specifically and it made me fucking cry hahahahahah

bro i'm down sooo badddddd. i want to ask him to be my boyfriend PERO LIKE i also dont wanna be monog? and i dont want to pressure him into smth hes not down for and i dont really know how to bring up that convo. idk ahhhh i just like him so very very much.

bought a flight for spring break. spicys comin back baybeeee! i cant wait to see himmmmmmm aah ok im gonna make another post to talk abt a different topic uhh hahah ok

[actualbird]

job rambles: BROS....MY COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY HAUL......

i won 5000 pesos cash and 1000 pesos worth of Tim Horton's gift certificates in the raffle. and also the person who got me for secret santa made my luke pearce merch dreams come true. and then everything else is gifts from ppl not obligated to get me things. what?? HUH???? THERES A WHOLE PLANT IN HERE!!!!!

the thing that made me cry tho was this thing we were all given full of messages from other coworkers. i knew this was a thing bc i submitted a bunch of messages for others, but ive only been in this company since october, i wasnt expecting anything to be said to me but

the way i had to erase all the names and brands HAHA but yeah the mfs in this company r way too nice. i tipped the taxi driver who was my ride back home for dealing with me sniffling in the backseat reading this shit. these ppl r TOO NICE.

not jus in the messages n gifts but in how they welcomed me at the party too, i had not met anybody before and im not great at irl conversation but they were all just really welcoming and kind (and hilarious, something v important to me) vibes all around.

which, idk i only have my [redacted bad company] i worked for in feb this year that sucked so bad i resigned in one month as reference but. i think i got rlly fucking lucky landing a place here. i really enjoy the work i do and the ppl are super awesome and i can buy tim horton's donuts. i lucked out bigtime.

kk. gotta pass out now. zzzzzzzzzz

[cainightfics]

what countries have you visited? which countries would you like to visit and why?

thanks for the ask! this is an interesting question lol

so basically ive been poor pretty much my whole life, and ive only ever been able to travel when part of it was funded by an outside source. so far, ive been to america, mexico, and a few different countries in europe. ill give you a #hashtag storytime about the europe trip tho.

ok so. in 2017 i was sent by my school district, along with a couple of other kids (i was in highschool at the time) to attend the 100 year anniversary of the battle of vimy ridge in france. if you don't know your WW1 history, basically this battle was a massive fight between the canadian army and the german army over this big hill in france called vimy ridge, which the german army had captured. the battle is considered a big deal in WW1 military history because the canadian army did some crazy tactical stuff to beat the germans and return the area to the french. this is what the ridge looks like (this isnt important lol its just for context):

anyways. so out of like thousands of applicants, me and a couple of other kids were selected to represent canada at this big 100 year memorial ceremony. flights, hotels, food stipend all paid for. i got picked because my french was pretty good (we're required to do 10 years of french class in canadian public school), and because i also knew some german.

so we get to france and go to the ceremony. it was a pretty big deal, i shook hands with prime minister trudeau, met prince harry, etc. i don't really care about any of that and if you ask me the royal family should be abolished and/or guillotined but whatever. in fact i did not care about literally any of this because when i signed up to go in the first place, i had any one goal in mind: to go to as many european countries as i could using the travel stipend the government gave me.

the ceremony ends and most of the schools im with are planning on heading back to canada the next morning. NOT ME LOL. i was a teenager with a passport and i had big plans. i had 500 euros, a eurail pass, and a dream.

over the next week or so, i (and two other people with me who i didnt really know) basically rode the trains/busses around central europe. we went to the netherlands, all around france, denmark, and germany. i stayed up for 72 hours straight at one point because i was so determined to experience as much as possible. this answer is already getting super long so ill just tell you some highlights of this trip:

at a burger king in munich i got scammed by a guy named salvatore who pretended to be a security guard and demanded a 2 euro "tip" for opening the door. salvatore if youre out there i havent forgotten and you WILL be dealt with if i ever see you again

i milked a cow at a dairy farm outside brussels. in exchange, the farm owners gave me a huge block of cheese. on the flight back to canada, i was told my cheese would be confiscated at the airport, because it wasnt in a checked bag. but i was like "well wtf im not just throwing out this wheel of cheese" so i ate the WHOLE THING in the last hour of the flight. it was at least three pounds of aged cheddar. id never felt so sick before

i had the best ramen of my life in an alleyway in paris. i have no idea if this was even a legit restaurant (it was literally just an alleyway and some guy cooking on a bunch of hotplates) but for some reason i ate there anyway. idk if i was tripping from lack of sleep at this point or what but the taste was literally heavenly

i managed to get into a techno club in frankfurt and then also talked my way into hanging out in the DJ booth for a good part of the night. heres a pic (i blocked out ppls faces for privacy, im the short dark haired one on the left):

anyways, that was teenage me's trip to europe. i had 500 euros to get me through a week and somehow managed to only spend 150 because i slept on the train, showered at public pools and rec centres, and ate nothing besides coffee and street food.

the last trip i went on was to las vegas in 2019, where i ended up joining this half naked furry stripper (?) in his street routine. we did some sort of dom/sub situation where i pretended to throw him around, choke him out, laugh at him while he pole danced, and force him to be my human chair. i made $50 in 2 minutes in tips from the crowd doing this btw and i was wearing like a hoodie and jeans just walking back to my hotel from dinner lmfao. idek i always just end up getting into these fucking random situations whenever i go anywhere lmfao 🤣🤣 i have whatever the opposite of social anxiety is

ANYWAYS enough of my stories.... as for where i would LIKE to travel?? hmm... probably asia? id like to see the chinese countryside, singapore, japan, korea, vietnam, thailand, etc. i do face this sort of ethical dilemma tho where a lot of travel that westerners do seems very exploitative and sort of like neo-imperialism, you know? plus with covid and climate change idk how i feel about international flights at the moment. but in an ideal world, id definitely like to check out asia

thanks again for the ask!

[deerixiie]

APPRECIATION POST!!

june 29th, or a little more that 6 months ago i posted my first fic. that was honestly the best decision of my life because tho tumblr is a hellsite it’s a hellsite that got me through a hellish year. i just want to come out and express my extreme gratitude for all of the people who have gotten me through 2020.

my followers. i remember when i first hit 100 and i was so excited bc 100 ppl in the world actually appreciated my writing enough to follow me...and then more of you guys started coming and sent sweet asks and suddenly i felt so loved 🥺 i didn’t expect to gain the following i did on this hellsite but i did and i love you guys so much :( thank u so much for being here through it all and making this year so much better!!

character anons/other anons; i know i don’t have much and not all of u are active but you!!! you guys are the bestest people on earth!!! shoyo, haji, yams, and all my noya anons,,, i love u guys sm. seeing you in my inbox made me so happy and i loved interacting w you 🥺💗 i hope you guys have an amazing new year and i hope you can talk more soon!! same goes for my other anons, 💜, 🍁, iara, and all the other anons that have send me asks, i love you guys so much!! getting anons and asks was something that made me feel so appreciated and important and seeing your asks always made my day!! ily guys <3

@sa-suga, @neonghxst, @sanso, @starrysamu, @stelleum, @myelocin, and a whole bunch of others writers; you are the most amazing people on the planet. writing on a site like this that gives little to no appreciation is so amazing of you :( your fics have made me smile, laugh, cry, and even grow as a person and i’m so grateful for that! bc of u i was able to distract myself from all the crappy things that happened this year. ily guys so much!

and now, my mutuals!!

@hajiimes; cola i will always always start with you. my closest friend, writing genius, someone i can bounce ideas off of, ask for help, watch movies with, voice call for hours with, and simp over characters with. getting close with you was one of the best things of this year and i really appreciate you for it. its really refreshing to have such a close friend i can really turn to and talk to about stuff that’s bothering me and i know i do it a lot and i’m a terrible friend sometimes but you’re always there for me :( and yeah we tease each other a lot and you’re honestly so annoying sometimes but yeah it’s fun and i love you so <3 STOP MAKING BREAKUP PLAYLISTS OKAY IM SORRY

@sugakuns + @suikazura + @kageyuji + @miyasangel + @giorvanna + @sophiawithstars + @hajiimes; i literally could not have gotten through 2020 without dinonet. it’s the first discord server and probably only discord server that i’ve really felt at home in because you all are so accepting and sweet. your support and love and kindness have gotten me past this year. i’ve been able to laugh and scream and vent and word vomit and be myself because of you all and i’m so appreciative of that. i cant wait for an entire new year with you all, ilysm!

@mehreya; you changed your url and i freaked tf out but ANYWAYS HEYYY~ rae i literally. i literally love you so much like. where would i be without you? you’re so welcoming and comforting and i love you so much :( if there’s anyone i’d share a deformed braincell with, it’s with you!! i feel like i can relate to you?? so much?? i literally keysmash in your inbox sending like 12 messages and i don’t have to worry about you getting upset because you do the same thing right back. we share really similar interests and you’re so compassionate and sweet and ugh i’m gna cry ily

@suikazura; bae i. how do i even say this. you’re literally the kindest, sexiest, funniest, loveliest person i’ve ever met. when i had a really bad day and broke down you were there to hype me up and tell me such wonderful things that i still think about all the time. you wrote a poem comparing me to the sun. ME?? THE SUN?? sui i don’t even know where to go with this ive never had someone do that for me and you doing that just makes me tear up and i’m tearing up writing this- and i love your humor so much despite the fact that it haunts me to this day and your art is so pretty and i could look at it for hours. like man i can’t believe someone like you exists i don’t deserve you at ALL. ilysm bubs

@cavalree; AZZIE WE HAVENT EVEN TALKED THAT MUCH BUT OUR CONVERSATION YESTERDAY WAS >>> THIS IS ME SAYING WE SHOULD TALK MORE WE HAVE A LOT IN COMMON

@fairyoomi + @luvromis + @rilacry; we’ve been moots for So Long but i have no idea what to talk about w u so i get intimidated and don’t talk :( ily guys so much though, you’re really sweet and kind and your humor is literally top tier. this is so weird to say but reading ur self-ship posts makes me so happy bc i feel like i can be open about my self-ship too,, it rlly comforts me and makes me feel loved hehe. i miss talking to u guys even though it was barely anything and i rlly hope 2021 is the year we get closer!!

@sophiashortcake + @star-puff + @kurooskult; we’ve recently become mutuals but i love your vibes!! i really hope i get to interact with you more next year so we can become closer <3

@bunx; BIG SIS!! literally i feel so bad for not talking to u because you’re literally the blueprint :( i just don’t know what to talk about and then get all freaked out XBSKSJD i’ve stared at your disc so many times debating what to say cbsjs but anyway thank you so much for being here from the beginning! i know for a fact ill wouldnt be where i am today w/out u 🥺 ilysm bubs

other moots that made this year so much more beautiful i want to get closer too!: @haikoo, @4fterh0urs, @run-004, @sugasugawarau, @s4ijoh, @gg9183, @baeshijima 🥺💗💗, @kozu-mei , @kaguol ily all so so much, you all are such amazing ppl and i hope we get to talk more!!

[zhuhongs]

OKAY SO since im slightly more awake. to elaborate on the friend of a friend i met that was 😳😳.

so my friend ale had been telling me she had this friend she thought id get along with for like two years now but they live in sf and rarely come down to visit so ive heard many stories abt this person and i was supposed to meet them on monday but i was busy. so we meet yesterday and immediately i was like... oh hi ur hot and totally my type. like art hoe of color, many tattoos, rlly nice voice just. ok... type. and i was immediately trying NOT to stare bc im not a gay disaster. im not. im cool and disinterested 💚💚 but we were easily hitting it off making fun of my friend for sympathizing with her capitalist anti vax sister and such. i noticed she kept eyeing my gay water bottle with stickers. so time comes for us to take separate cars to go play lazer tag bc there was nine of us so immediately they were like. i want to go with sage! and i was like.. oho? im desireable?? but it was good. they asked abt my keychain bc they recognized my love live charm and we talked abt manga and how i wanna read wha and blue period and theyve read it and told me what bookstores near by have it. and it was. An Experience. and then we talked abt art and media and like the immigrant experience and being an artist of color and it was rlly nice. theyre a film major and one of my friends friends that was there is obsessed with marvel and horrible cheesy white media and shes the Only person ill ignore their bad taste for bc shes brown and smart otherwise but like. there were moments where shed talk abt disney or marvel or harry styles and me and the other person just like... exchanged a Knowing glance gjdjcjdjs.

HOWEVER i let them choose the music on the way back they put on marina, lorde, and halsey. like u were just telling me how much you hate white media but all u listen to are white people. oh and token sunmi but they are a poc and like recently immigrated to the us so like. its allowed but that was SO FUNNY. also kept vaping and coughing in my car which they asked permission first and i dont mind it but like it was just funny like..... LMAO. theyre still hot tho...would hundred percent makeout with them for funsies. would never date them bc i could Not handle that. had a good time tho!! there was a point where we got to our next stop early bc my other friend drives rlly slow so we went for smoothies and we like the exact same things from there. it was so funny. we also were wearing v similar clothes... like.. the only difference was i had on a button up and they had on a crop top jfjfjd. Also their haircut was like. almost the exact kinda cut i wanna get so like gkdjsjd gay ppl are All The Same. but yea we talked abt art and stuff and exchanged instagrams and our own art and they were like. 'omg i wish we met earlier. id love to go to musuems with u and talk abt the art. u should come visit me in norcal"... and like. hell yea. id love to fuck off during fall break to san Francisco with a bunch of art hoes i barely know ✌🏽 Although idk. i have this thing were like. i suit my personality for others where i like what other ppl like bc i know a lot of things but like i never truly show them what im rlly into. like they asked me abt music and i told them like the bands im rlly into but didnt rlly elaborate more. but anyways. 10/10 time. id makeout with that art hoe and ghost them immediately just for the experience which is toxic but good thing is they leave for college tmrw so nothing will happen but that sure was a NIGHT. uhm in summary in Summation:

[kingjasnah]

actually. actually let’s talk about diversity in fantasy let’s give that a go. im mad and im gonna be that way for a while

don’t want to read all this? fair. tldr: fantasy writers who rely not only on the medieval europe model but also hide behind historical accuracy in 2020 (fuck it, from ‘95 onwards) are lazy and unimaginative and should be held accountable no matter how many white 20 year old dudes jerk off to whatever power fantasy is embedded in the plot. so lets chat about that lads. (slightly) drunk rant under the cut

now prelim shit: we know fantasy is used both as escapism and as a way to deal with various traumas via magical metaphor. staples of the genre. even if jk rowling busted out the laziest and at times offensive metaphor for ww2 and racism ive ever seen, she still adhered to time and true tropes. whatever.

so why have we, in this post game of thrones era, become insanely obsessed with realism? i can hear sixty 20-something year old men crying at me rn like oh ohh oh its based off the war of roses oh wahh all medieval fantasy fiction is based off england and the crusades anyway so women should get raped and people of color should be demonized its not racism its xenophobia and also gay people dont exist and disabled people are systematically killed off and if we stretch the magic fixes mental illness thing a LITTLE further we have straight up eugenics.

we all know where the england but myth thing came from. now the thing about tolkien is that while i will always absolutely love lotr, looking at the LAZY state of fantasy? damn i kinda wish he hadn’t revolutionized the genre. the bitch was still racist. he still didnt give a shit abt women (eowyn was just a vehicle to show how much he fucking hated macbeth anyone holding jrrt up as a feminist icon for that needs to sit the fuck down and explain to me why i can count the woman speaking roles in lotr, a story with a name and fleshed out backstory for every minor character, on one hand but thats! another post). he had something to say abt class with sam i’ll give him that but he is still 100% NOT what we need to hold our standards to in 2020. 

i dont want to talk about old school fantasy, like 80s early 90s cause theres literally no point. its sexist, racist, ableist for sure, this we know. david eddings (not even that old school tbh) can rise from the grave and explain himself to me personally and i still wont forgive him for ehlana. 

so let’s talk historical accuracy. quick question. who the FUCK gives a shit? WHO is this elusive got fan who’s out here like blehh actually??? this method of iron production is TOTALLY anachronistic of the time. ummm these vegetables in this fictional world were NOT native to english soil so how are they here? cause i know this is the classic argument but ive never actually met someone who cared about the lack of dysentery as much as they care abt the women getting raped on screen/page. 

god forbid you have to worldbuild for a second god forbid you can’t rely on the idea of fantasy readers already have in their head god forbid you have an original idea god forbid you spend more than two seconds thinking about ur setting (oh i should mention i dont....really blame GoT for its setting cause of how long ago it was og written but trust me i sure as hell blame grrm for writing a 13 yr old giving ‘consent’ to sex with a grown man within the first couple of chapters) 

If we accept the basic premise of fantasy as escapism, and i AM drunk so i will NOT be finding fuckin. quotes and shit for this but come on tolkien said it himself and as much as i’ll drag him he crafted the simplest and most powerful fantasy metaphors on the board rn. But if we know its escapism. If we know. then who is it escapism for? certainly not for me, the gay brown woman who busted through all of GoT in 10th grade. 

modern fantasy lit used as an excuse for that white male power fantasy is literally disgusting. calling historical accuracy is so fucking dumb ESPECIALLY cause we, as ppl in the 21st  century, KNOW women have been consistently written out of the story. poc ppl, gay and trans ppl, anyone with a god forbid disability has been WRITTEN out of history as we know it, INCLUDING the fucking war of the roses so HOW can we hold up testimony we know is flawed to support our FICTIONAL. STORY. just to??? support the white power fantasy?? literally noah fence but if you are a white guy who felt really empowered by every time jim butcher described a woman tell me: how do you think that’ll hold up in classic HisToRiCaL fantasy. you think thats a fucking noble pursuit? or are you grima wormtongue out here. 

(side note: jim butcher stop writing challenge i dont need to know abt every woman on page’s nipples. anyone who hides behind subgenre like that? ‘ohhh its a noir story thats why hes sexualizing everyone’ shut the fuck up an author isnt possessed by a fuckin muse and compelled to bust out 500k they have agency and they have choice and they MADE the choice to reserve said will for none of their female characters)

which brings me to point 2: target audience and BOY is the alcohol hitting me rn but WHO is this for? this isnt the fucking 80s we know poc and other marginalized folk read fantasy FOR the escapism. on god ive had a cosmere focused blog for nearly three years and. im just gonna say it im interacted with A LOT of yall and ive managed to talk to VERY few white straight ppl as compared to everyone else. 

like....who deserves to see the metaphor on homophobia or racism. joanne rowling? the bitch who literally tried to sell us happy slaves and the disgusting aids metaphor and the worst case of antisemitic stereotypes i ever saw in an nyt bestseller? yall think that was for US? or was it for the white guilt crowd. 

literally white people can find any book about them that they can relate to. but hmmm maybe theres a reason gay women care so much about stormlight archive’s jasnah kholin, a brown woman who’s heavily coded as wlw. or kaladin, the FIRST fantasy protag ive ever seen with clinical depression. hmm i wonder why a bunch of millennials are vibing all of a sudden. im not saying sanderson is perfect--but its the best ive seen from a white author tbh

maybe theres a reason a lot of poc vibe with a literary way to express trauma, and maybe thats why i specifically get so pissed when its not done well. theres a REASON books about outcasts pushing through and claiming their own lives are popular with people who arent white and straight and able bodied. Junot Diaz had a point. maybe lets STOP catering to those assholes who think theyre joseph campbell’s wet dream personified. ive lost respect SO many authors who are objectively talented. pat rothfuss can write so beautifully that ive cried to bits of name of the wind but literally i will never pick that series up again (not just because of the felurian. women in general tbh. mostly the felurian ngl) cause 1) i personally KNEW men whod jerk off to that shit and 2) there was no need for it there was no plot reason for ANY of that shit 

so like obviously thers an issue with authors of color specifically not getting recognized for fantasy and genre work but on god??????? im still mostly mad at the legions of white authors churning out the same medieval england chosen one books year after fucking year. have an original thought maybe. also im sorry that you as an author lack the basic empathy needed to examine the way that women? or any group of people that youre explicitly writing about see the world and would specifically see YOUR made up world. 

yes your fantasy should be diverse, but more than that it should be kind. if you as a writer cant respect groups of people who deserve it....what the hell are you doing in a genre that traditionally is about finding ways to express injustice through metaphor? tolkien’s hero was sam. fantasy was NEVER about the privileged. yall know who you are so stop acting so fucking entitled. peace out. 

[transrightsjimin]

i want to make a list of very real and funny or interesting bts concert related events that i experienced, mainly focusing on the nice ppl ive met!! bc i have honestly focused too much on the bad shit due to poor venue organizers. the list would include stuff like

- meeting a couple of visitors (i mean def armys but also they went there for various acts) at night before the kcon paris convention building (2016, but i mean there was only one kcon paris) and meeting them again when walking towards the queue for the concert section, where they brought me over "because we became friends earlier today right? ;)" and they brought me to like a little beyond the 500th spot where ppl stopped numbering visitors in the line. when someone from behind us came near us to accuse us of cutting in line they were so protective nd didnt even allude to me not being part of their group despite me not knowing them well nor understanding their language and i just. i could just sit there it was wild.

- meeting @yeonjunicorn who was beside me at that spot, chilling by a tree. also i do still love when we linked arms w you and your dad and those girls when the hall opened nd we didnt want anyone to lose each other in the crowd like holy shit that was intense

- recognizing a guy from an anime convention maid cafe i used to work at (dont ask) nd telling him abt how hoseok drew my name in a lottery and said it and stuff nd how excited i was, nd he was just like. ok. IGZSAUFSFI LIKE DUDE i felt almost like i shared something that wasnt even that big of a deal judging by his reaction

- meeting a very flamboyant gay army in a group of lgbt army at night when queueing (amsterdam 2018). he asked me nd my friend who we thought his bias was. she said jimin nd he said no nd made me guess. he wore his blanket over one shoulder like it was a huge roman emperor robe and i said jin. correct

- two girls later on near us in the queue being similarly cringed out by ppl behind us singing really loudly nd poorly, not liking the cops that arrived, and buying us dinner despite not even knowing each other well. i regret to this day not talking to them more bc omg they were truly angels 🥺🥺 i should gain more confidence nd just ask ppl more abt adding them online or smth so i dont lose all these kind ppl ive met!!

- people behind us going so through it with queueing nd having not slept that they went there nd joked that the next bts era after love yourself and speak yourself would be called pee yourself 😭😭 nooo

- meeting a belgian army earlier that day nd talking w her bc @trespassers-will liked her bi flag and stuff.

- a year later in 2019 saint-denis day 1 i happened to walk into the belgian army again, not at all expecting it bc initially she'd only go to london, nd we chatted and it turned out we were both about to pick up our confiscated lgbt flags (mine trans, hers bi) at the same booth like HOW in the hell did that happen

- before the arena opened i went up to an army who dressed fully in Angelic Pretty stuff and i chatted w her bc i went to the AP store the day before and like lolita fashion etc and it turned out she didnt even go to the concert that day but the next but wanted to just go to the venue nd walk around. i was very confused at first bc shes white nd spoke french but she actually lived in a south asian country but stayed w someone in paris. also she said she wanted to get into the japanese fancafe so she could attend a japanese bts concert bc those had the best setlists nd amazing organization nd also jist fun insider content on the fc thats hard to find outside it. we had a fun time listening to the soundchecks echoing through to the outside of the stadium.

- meeting up the day after 2019 bts w a czech army ive known from tumblr for a few years (though she deleted her blog) nd saw once before, nd we would meet up at a mac donalds near a certain metro station in paris but there were like 3 of those near it so i kept walking wrong nd tried to rush and fell hard on the pavement and scraped my knee like a dumbass?? but anyway we had 1 hour to meet up before i had to travel to my train again and we had a rly fun time just talking, mainly about university systems and fascism, in particular japanese nationalists i guess bc shes read abt the weird theories those spread?? it sounds weird but it was fun to meet her

- unexpectly meeting two french armys in the metro, who were wearing buttons w my illustrations on it as i had given away a bunch the day before w a belgian army, nd the girls were so sweet nd were ok w me taking a pic of them w the buttons nd i was just so giddy

- once back in rotterdam at the train station i stopped by a drugstore to get some stuff and the cashier told me she liked my (bts) shirt and said she went to see bts earlier that week in london?? dggjfh

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 3 episode 18

"SHADES OF GREY"

Notes by me

- tollans are dumb have I said that already. Still not sharing technology

- "are you the commander of your entire nation?" According to the asgard yes

- he legit just rips it off the wall I'm cackling

- Jack stealing is a no no

- "shut up daniel" *moira rose voice* ooooo so moody

- not me sitting cross legged on my bed conducting the theme

- Daniel is so pissed off and Sam is just in shock

- "with NO due respect" im using this

- why is he so mad about all this now? After 2 seasons of not being mad about it?

- Jack doesnt usually act like this. I mean he can bend the rules sure but he doesnt become a fucking thief randomly for no reason? Something is Happening

- he had to tell tealc specifically not to listen to Jack bc he totally would still do what Jack says

- ah screw em! I never liked the tollans except for my cat dad Nareem

- if Jack and tealc fight it out my moneys on tealc

- "I havnt been acting like myself since I met you.....NOW im acting like myself"

What does this mean????

- jack: maybe if you nailed your shit to the floor more often then ppl wouldnt steal it

- he cant be retiring ive seen gifsets of him in later seasons

- another gnc outfit for Daniel in the books

- hes bitter about not getting a command??? Youre that petty??

- daniel: what about sharing cultures?

Jack: I want GUNS

- Jack saying their friendship was never founded on anything and Daniel just. Getting up and leaving

- did Jack just finally snap is that whats happening here

-

- "the mountain"

- barely paying attention to the conversation bc of jacks eyebrow scar

- "We're probably getting our fourth"

- Sam should have definitely gotten command but I understand her not wanting to argue. Sometimes its just not worth the effort

- Daniel fighting for her tho 💓

- Daniel values personality over rank and hes absolutely right. I dont care if your a colonel, will you get my Simpson's references

- lmao tealc not even interacting with makepiece. U arent worth his time bitch

- jacks choice of opera is making my ears bleed

- this whole pitch from maybourne seems extremely illegal and dangerous. Oh well! Somethings gotta fill the next 20 minutes

- ball Skype is all the rage now in the NID

- maybourne into some shady shit huh

- these are the people who tried to steal the weather thing!

- hes basically saying they are sg1s evil twin

- Jack hey......dont join them

- what did I just say

- jack: I hate retirement

Hammond: bummer < 3

- u wanna go back to that stupid lady you knew for 3 months???

- everyone saluting Jack as he leaves and then Daniel is just. In the back round with stink face

- evil sg1 looks like a bunch of pirates

- "its swell, harry"

- PX3595

- how do they know about all the failed negotiations of other teams? Do they have spies

- I dont trust ppl who say bingo when they find something

- an asgard protected planet!!

- theres a mole on one of the teams is it makepiece pls say yes

- "best way to understand a command is to do every job yourself at least once"

- uuuuhhhhhh when tealc hovered by the bag and Jack had a split second of wondering if he was the mole and then tealc walked away and Jack looked so relieved akdbeksbsjsnsj💖💖

- ITS MAKEPIECE he aint gonna be making shit when he gets caught

- ASGARD👽

- twas a ruse! I had a feeling bc of jacks utter calmness about all this

- tealcs proud face when he sees Jack again

- does holding a body part in the event horizon keep it open??? For how long????

- the tollans were in on it so no harm done

- Daniel and Sam are just O.O

- "We dont need their stuff makepiece! We need them."

- "they like me" they sure do!! Jack is the asgards favorite little friend

- Jack apologizing to Daniel for telling him they werent friends 😭😭💖💖

- "I do appreciate that you were the one to come and check on me"

"Oh.....we drew straws.......i lost"

ALDNESOSNDJWJDNDJFNFNFNF A TRUE FAMILY

[umbillicalnoose]

i think that you would think im pretty and would like my poetry and i want to share it with you. im shy.

to be honest, im very apathetic these days. im not the nice “cutesy baby flower petal boy” i used to be. a lot has happened & im bitter & sullen & all in all, a pretty shitty friend/person to know. i used to possess some redeeming qualities, believe it or not, even if they were construed by the subconscious in an attempt to be likeable - a facade, even tho its only a facade, is still tangible, still there, is still something, even if not authentic. is poorer character forgivable in the name of presenting more authentically? but nah. that makes it sound like im putting effort into being a better person, which im not. im just sort of fried & done. its been a very long time since i played the role i built for myself on here of the “small fawn boy who wants to help girls” lmaooo. how embarrassing. altho, i was just a kid, & i guess, if you had a tumblr as a teenager, you went thru some cringe (i know the use of that word has fallen in on itself & adopted its own definition but for lack of a better one) ass phases, whether it was kinning or malingering mental illness or oh fucking christ, all that gender bullshit, etc etc. from what ive observed, tho, loosely following kids im still casually friends with that i met on here, i think we’ve all managed to Grow The Fuck Up, at least a little. most of us have jobs or r in school or have partners - growing up & moving on is a very surreal experience to watch/go thru. im moving at my own pace & ive accepted that - im still currently using & starving myself & concocting a suicide plan every day but at least i use clean needles as much as possible, i actively & honestly do strive for the bare minimum calorically, & um able to work with the mentality of “well ill have this when i need it but todays not that day” a lot more readily, in relation to suicide shit. ive finally found a therapist who Really Gets It, is a frontrunner internationally on ritual & extreme abuse & mind control. its pretty incredible what a few years with a good therapist can do. anyways. im sorry, i know you didnt ask for all this & im not even sure why i divulged. i guess, what tipped me off, was your attempt at sounsing “cute” - dude, cut that shit out, i promise youll be a lot better off. & i know everyone interchanges aspects of their personality based on who theyre talking to/who they percieve themselves to be talking to, but i feel like not a lot of people give enough credence to the internet & its hand in shaping/molding young people, kids, vulnerable dumbasses, especially tumblr (tho, i get that its a relatively new phenomenon) - u get a bunch of the “weird”, “alternative”, ““ostracized” kids together on a website, of course its gonna nurture a culture of hypervalidatoon & pretending to be sick in order to fit in to the point that its not an act anymore & exacerbation of symptoms & basically, just sucking each others dicks, sitting in ur own shit, & never ending coddling. & then, you have the older group of kids, who have played this game before but instead of helping or ignoring the Dumbshit kids, they indulge their own normally-buried-but-unleashed-by-internet-anonymity sadism/human instinct to just be fucking dicks & so now you have this vicious cycle of anger & hatred & fucking melodrama up the urethra. im sorry, i know im comig off as/am being harsh but god fuckin dammit yknow? also, this isnt directed at you, specifically, more of a generalized thing, @ myself included. so uh. i mean, if u still wanna share it with me after reading all this, id be happy to read ur poetry. i used to be over the top nice & then reverted to Major Asshole & am now trying to find that sweet middle spot - honoring & allowing myself to share my pain without putting it on others. which is really hard!! cuz becoming a Dick was difficult in that it forced me to be more honest with my true self & as such, more vulnerable - now in trying to become Kinda Nice again because despite being a pulsating scrotom, ive had the intense desire for friendship & human interaction, while simultaneously doing things that i was consciously aware was pushing others away - but then, if i pretend to be nice, where does that authenticity i worked for & was so scared of go? & i dont mean telling someone their new haircut looks nice even when it doesnt - thats just not being a dick. but i guess, those r the normal trials & tribulations of any relationship & adolescent developing identity. which is weird too - dealing with “normal” issues, i mean. whats the point if your life/limbs/breaking point arent at risk? whats the point when your best friends already dead. im sick of people calling "survivors” (despise that word, so fucking female-originated & overdramatic) “brave” & “strong” - surviving is not brave or strong. its just survival. you wouldnt call an animal brave for running for its life from a predator but you would call a dog courageous for going into a burning building to save its owner. premeditated action on the notion that you are probably going to be hurt is brave. being subjected to pain with no choice is not. theres no “silver lining” or anything “good” to be drawn from it either - sure it may have made x a more compassionate person or made y more introspective & gentle but you know what would have been even fucking better??? if the shit hadnt happened in the first place! let x be an asshole & y be self absorbed - the “benefits”, so to speak, do not outweigh the cost, not by a long fucking shot. its not only patronizing to hear garbage like that, but a slap in the face to know that anyone could possibly see anything good coming from that nightmare & that the characteristics, good or bad, you developed either in response to or as a result of, are worth praise. dont tell me im strong for doing what i had to to escape a torture chamber - tell me im perseverant for studying my ass off & passing that test last week. in the words of one of my dearest & most fucking brilliant friends, “pain doesnt owe me/you purpose - the need to intellectualize & assign meaning to pain & death is not only futile, but harmful.” & honestly, i think that it stems from weakness (in most cases - i realize theres a plethora of other reasons such as those who r just desperate for something to hold on to or r hyperintellectual & analytical or who have been pressured by external “support” systems to find the “good” etc etc) - while the majority of people view the person who “can find the good in everything” (strictly speaking only in relation to trauma/tragedy here & more in denunciation of those that celebrate this trait as opposed to vilifying “survivors” who respond this way, though in my experience, its very very very rarely the “survivor” that perpetrates this ideology ) as strong, i sort of see it as a weakness - their inability to sit with & absorb their own pain or that of others is so strong that not only do they have to frantically pull rainbows out of the teeth of a meat cleaver, they also have to exist within this strange (tho, not malicious - more subconscious) superiority complex. like, nah, dude, some times shit is just awful. you cant tell me anything fucking good came out of a four year old girl being kidnapped, gangraped, & tortured for two years, before being impaled & left to die on a stake. her mom opened a non profit organization? oh well thank fucking god for that!!! those that believe the latter to be more “enlightened” or whatever the fuck r the same people who say shit like “dying is easy - living is harder” & i get that that its supposed to be interpreted metaphorically for the most part - giving up is easy, trying isnt (which also.....isnt true??? admitting defeat & fully accepting the fact that ur fucking helpless is beyond hard lmao???) - but pretend youre somewhere, anywhere outside ur sunny little fucking yoga studio full of white women whos biggest issues r the pta & johnny whos failing math, & lets say your life is in real, imminent danger, a gun is to your head & i want you to not scream or cry or beg for ur life since dying is “easier”. if dying is so easy, why do the majority of ppl cling to it with such desperation - why is suicide illegal? why do some ppl go thru 100s of chemo treatments even tho the doctors say theyre just prolonging the inevitable, ppl who cut off a diseased arm so it wont spread, those who walk dozens of miles every day for food & water, etc? & i know & understand the survival instinct better than anyone, even when i wanted to die more than anything, my natural instincts would kick in with no conscious neural input & id do what i had to do. im not condemning those who cling to life (ok - a little. ur wasting resources out of ur own fear. but i also realize thats just me being a Fucking Asshole As Always cuz technically, im doing the same thing tho its more due to lack of opportunity rather than fear. i just think, societally, death should be more normalized, discussed, & not made out to be so unknown & scary), instead just reprimanding those who say shit like that (inspirational facebook quotes). especially cuz most of the ppl who do spew that shit have never gone thru anything even remotely difficult - their worst nightmare is a Big Scary Black Man grabbing them on the street, mugging them, & touching their tits. & i also know that these stupid ass sayings are to be applied to bullshit like exercise & fitness (“no pain no gain” is another one of my Favorites) & not fucking torture or even just ur run of the mill rape, even that would probably smash the rose tinted banana republic shades off their beverly hills tanned faces. but ive heard the no pain no gain one a handful of times in the last few weeks, specifically from doctors performing procedures in preparation for my bottom surgery. & i know its supposed to be encouraging & they have no way of knowing, but its just like, buddy, u have no idea who youre fucking talking to. & im starting to understand what THEY mean when they say it - pain with a reward is infinitely more tolerable than pain just for the sake of pain; like, a tattoo, it hurts, but u know, when its done, its gonna be sick as fuck. when u r able to fall back on the idea that its for something u rlly want, its A Lot easier to handle as opposed to pain thats Just Pain - theres no reward for it except, i guess, that the more u experience it, the closer u r to the end of it lmao. i mean, i still hate when ppl say it cuz for most of my life, pain was just pain, & the “reward” was the opportunity to go home at the end & so whenever ppl say that, my mind just immediately resorts back to that & im just like haha fuck u. but im trying to remember my experiences r definitely not universal & im starting to sorta understand what they mean i think. but, flipping gears here, & going back to the sentiment of “everything happens for a reason”, the base philosophy of psuedo deep Fuckwads - a girls dad didnt fuck her “for a reason”, everything doesnt happen “for a reason”. like ok, hypothetically, the kid he impregnated her with & that she was forced to have at 12 may surpass all odds & not become a homeless junkie & instead become a world renowned doctor who finds the cure for cancer. but she wasnt raped repeatedly from the age of six for that “reason”, no matter what anyone says & honestly, the liberation of the masses does not justify the suffering of one, especially a child. in my eyes at least. but again, im a bitter asshole. sorry i just Went The Fuck Off here oh my god.....if u read all this, thanks, pal. if not, thats cool too. but yea, send me ur stuff, id totally be down to read it. as for me potentially thinking ur cute, i have to look at my disgusting shitstain of a “face” every goddamn day so everyone else to me is fuckin aphrodite. but im also tryin to not put so much worth into physical appearance- its not something that should be complimented cuz its just smth a person was born with which is the same reason it shouldnt be insulted. this is gonna sound gay & stupid but i personally find that a persons essence & personality really permeates. you can meet someone who, objectively, isnt all that great looking, but once u get to know them, u really see their beauty - how the sun catches in their hair, their dilated pupils looking up at u from under long eyelashes in the dark, the birthmark on their right shoulder that they despise but that is so Them, the gap in their teeth, etc. & idk how to phrase this without it sounding like “well ur ugly but at least ur a good person”, cuz that only reiterates the societally indoctrinated emphasis on appearance & my kneejerk reaction to assure the person in question that thats not what im saying is only another result of that!!! its inescapable!!! but no, really, its not just a matter of “its on the inside that counts” - physically, they change or maybe, actually this is more likely, when i first meet them, my “default” eyes r just looking for features that i know im immediately attracted to (tall, blonde, sickly as in sunken eyes sticklike pale but still looks like she could & will beat the shit out of me) but as i fall in love or get to know them better, my eyes adjust & i notice & adore the beauty that was there all along. so uh. idk if ill think ur “cute”. but probably, yes, ill think ur an angel.