#ive had to say this waaaay too many times

[spacedlexi]

Have you read the new clementine book? I'd like to hear your thoughts on it :D

i hate being reminded that it even exists 😭 out of grim curiosity i usually check to see whats going on at each release but its just..........................................its just so bad...............................................................................................

like its so out of character that i cant consider it canon even if i wanted to......... and its so BORING too!!! its so lame...........its So lame...

it doesnt make me sad anymore at least it just makes me laugh now (especially now after book 2) but like....darkly...just like... Oof...... oof......... but yeah the way clem is written specifically is actually laughable im sorry but that really is tangerine

i hate when characters get reverted just to retell the same story. like its doubly insulting. and its pretty much what tillie did with clem. and its BORING!!! and i just have to reiterate again that its also laughable. its just....painful honestly 💀 the plot is boring the characters are boring clem is a mess and her pre-existing (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT) relationships to characters from the game are basically non-existent. and we're not having any INTERESTING discussions!!! what are the themes what are the messages what is tillie trying to say here? im getting a big load of reused character arcs and what feels new falls flat on its face. clem isnt even a shadow of her former self shes a different character entirely. and she is crying waaaay too much. shes got the anger of S3 clem and not even a Fraction of the emotional regulation S1 clem had. and she was 8 then....

and her naming her prosthetic 'kenny' is fucking stupid

ive seen some people say that it would actually be an interesting comic if clem was removed from the story but i dont agree. its fucking lame and boring. i love the zombie setting for the stories it allows a writer to tell. for the emphasis on character it allows. and this is probably the most boring piece of zombie related media ive ever laid my eyes on. this definitely feels like it was written by a romance writer trying to figure out how the zombie setting Works as a storytelling device. with a beloved preexisting character that theyre Also trying to find the voice of. and we're watching it in real time. and its Painful.....

S4 will Always be the True end to clementines story. its too perfect. and it also marked the end of telltale. it was a love letter to the series. its very fitting for both clem as a character but also as a last goodbye from a beloved studio. the still not bitten teams signatures on the hallway walls always gets a sob outta me. that final goodbye... clem was meant to spend the rest of her days at ericsons with the community she helped cultivate. ive said it a million times but her losing her leg is Symbolic. the first episode isnt titled "done running" for no reason. clem never Liked being on the road. all she ever wanted was a safe place to call home. with people she trusted and loved. and now the comics are retconning all of that just to retell the same story but Badly. why should i give a shit about that?

whats unfortunate is that i DO think there are still things that could be explored with a post S4 clem. shes got what she wanted: a home. (relative) safety. community. however she has new limitations due to her injury. how would she adjust to this? after spending so many years on the road? after having to do so much independently? only having herself to rely on for the most part? these are the goals im trying to achieve with my own short little fic (that ive been working on for too long):

she would never Want to leave ericsons. home is what shes been looking for since S1. but now that shes Safe. now that she can turn off survival mode a little bit and actually Relax for once. shes going to begin Processing EVERYTHING shes been through up until this point. the true healing starts Now. but she cant run from it. so how would she reconcile these things? the whole point of ericsons was that they were a community of traumatized kids who found love and support in each other when they had nothing else. aj says it himself (S4 is Very clear in its messaging). THAT is the perfect setting for clem to ALSO have this grieving/acceptance process that she Desperately needs. everything shes been through up until this point is going to hit her like a truck. the true healing starts NOW. shes no longer fighting for her life 25/8. and when the brain can get out of survival mode it begins True processing mode.

one of the issues with the comics is that it puts her BACK into survival mode. but of clems own choosing! no matter how much her processing hurts and no matter how much she could want to run from those feelings, she has always wanted True Community more than Anything. having to reconcile those feelings is interesting! i Do think tillie is trying to have some of these conversations. but they all fall flat. her understanding of clem as a character is weak. and the environment shes in is not conducive to the healing process she wants clem to have. its a mess. i will always stand firmly in the camp that these comics should have taken place in the gap between seasons 3 and 4. that change alone wouldve boosted the comic. but unfortunately they chose.....This

anyway. back to my own post S4 adventures :)

[vacantgodling]

climbs into your askbox

hi i'm responding a little late to your request for wip questions but that's okay

anyway. head empty rn, but i'd love to hear a bit more about a wip of yours i've been curious about!!! vampires don't take road trips. i would like to learn more. i realize that's not a specific question so: looking at the main cast, what's something each of them would hate to be *seen* as and why? (i.e. if someone would hate to be seen as stupid, or would hate to be seen as unreliable, something like that)

or alternatively. silly question. rate the main cast in order from "will show up exactly on time on the dot to the function" to "will like clockwork show up at least an hour later than they were told to." feel free to elaborate on your rankings if you want!

this took me forever to answer im so sorry 💀💀💀

eee you are always welcome in my inbox :3c

i did make a powerpoint intro for this wip too so i link just so you can stare at it later lmaoo -> here

but these are both EXCELLENT questions, and for once i may have answers bc ive had these ocs for like a decade 💀

so, ig if we stick to the main main cast (which ngl is hard to determine for me but i suppose that’d be darren, dave, liz, olice, and veronica… at least for the first half of the book lmaooo) — for the easy question of who’s showing up on time versus who is showing up late in that order:

dave, veronica, olice, darren, liz

as for why:

dave is a lawyer and a generally punctual person and is somewhat anxious. he prefers to be 5 minutes early.

veronica is a wannabe socialite and so her image is contingent on if she shows up on time and so she’ll be there on the dot.

olice is used to her mothers antics and she feels like it’s rude to be ridiculously late so she tries to be there between on time or 5-10 minutes late at the most.

darren is more lax and tends to get distracted so if he shows up like 30 minutes late to the function it’s chill. the only time he’s on time is when dave is with him LOL

liz is an Actual socialite but she doesn’t care about that or social events in general so she tends to be “fashionably late” and people “forgive” her bc of her status 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

for the harder question:

DARREN: the way this is actually a hard question for my actually emotionally intelligent son LMAOOO. i think in general he hates being seen as dramatic, or someone who makes a big deal out of things. he’s a chill guy, and for his own sanity he prefers to stay chill if and when possible. the times that he’s had outbursts or had people accuse him of being overly dramatic are the few things that haunt him in life. i think the reason as to why… it’s a bit hard to say. but i think it comes down to the fact that in not wanting to be bothered with things himself, he tries not to bother other people. he’s more likely to assume that he’s getting on someone’s nerves or pissing them off and would just ghost them to avoid drama instead of fully confronting the situation. he Will if he needs to, but he’d just rather not because … idk? he just doesn’t think it’s worth the trouble. he’d rather keep his peace and be wrong than rock the boat and be right. it’s definitely something he’s kinda picked up from his dad, but darren manages to be waaaay more chill that even dave is because he just keeps people at arms length unless it’s his dad or olice. he learns how to do that less but the idea of letting people in enough to ruffle his inner peace is also. hm. not something he’s fond of. so basically, he’s not conflict avoidant he’s more conflict neutral and likes to take the path of least resistance if any of that makes sense.

DAVE: he hates being seen as weak. he recognizes that this is very irrational but it’s a fear and discomfort that developed from his own father, who was extremely harsh on him growing up, and even harsher if dave got upset or cried or wasn’t “manly.” so for him, being “weak” comes with a host of trauma around it that he’s still working through many years later. it doesn’t trigger him as bad as it used to, but it definitely still can.

LIZ: liz is a bit weird because she doesn’t really care how other people perceive her—she just doesn’t like being responsible for those assumptions people have of her character? so i wouldn’t say she hates being seen as competent but she hates being seen as something she’s “not” or something that she doesn’t take credit for. she’s not responsible for your preception of her yknow. if i had to say why it’s because she’s fiercely independent. she’s going to do what she wants to do and what she thinks is best no matter what and she’s usually not interested in hearing other people’s opinions; she’s quite stubborn. bending to other people’s whims is a bruise to her ego and she has done it before and hates herself for falling to that sort of weakness instead of doing what she wanted to do. so in a manner of speaking she hates being seen as controllable and hates being seen as weak in a somewhat similar way to dave, but more because of her personal pride than trauma. she’s an extremely proud woman lol.

OLICE: ngl, she hates being seen as her mother’s daughter. veronica hasn’t been the Best mother to olice. after she decided to return to the us and break up with her father in india (without even saying a word mind you so olice has never met the man. and before anyone says “maybe he was abusive” as the author i’m telling you, he wasn’t. veronica just got in over her head and then bailed, only thinking of herself but then didn’t take the proper steps to make sure her daughter felt loved or to be a good single parent 🤷🏽‍♂️), olice has only been treated by her mom and her mom’s extended family as a doll or an extension of her mother. better to be seen, not heard; the only interests that were fostered in a meaningful way were the ones that she shared with her mother. veronica often speaks over her and isn’t cognizant of her needs, more content to chase her aspirations than care about her daughter unless her daughter can be sort of “used” for something. she hates being reminded that they’re related. she refuses to go by the american (and technically legal) name that her mother gave her which is clara. her mother did at least tell her the name that her father wanted to name her/the name she and him agreed on in india which was olichudar and that’s why she goes by that. clara and olichudar have similar meanings which is how her mother came around to the name (clara meaning bright/famous, and olichudar meaning brilliant) but olice doesn’t think it suits her and she hates being called it. she also has her mothers sister’s name as an “honor name” so her cousins and extended family call her “cc” a lot and she hates it to Death. she became grateful when her mom started dating dave because it was through him that olice started getting some of the freedom to express herself and to try and reconnect with her indian heritage; with dave keeping veronica distracted or off her back about it. even though many say that her mother loves her in her own way (even dave sometimes and that’s the only thing she and he disagree on), olice has never felt real, unconditional love from her mother. especially when she compares it to dave and darren’s relationship. they’re close, dave takes an active interest in the things darren likes, he’s supportive and cares about darren’s comfortability and cares about loving him more than anything else, even veronica. and olice can look back on her life before dave and darren and think how she was content with crumbs from her mother; veronica only wanted olice around when she could brag about her or show her off, then toss her to the side when she didn’t want to deal with her. no interest in olice outside of how she looked being a “strong woman raising a kid on her own” when as far as olice knows from her mother’s own words, her bio dad wanted to be there for her. meeting dave and seeing his relationship with darren has made olice much more bitter and resentful of her mother but the only reason she hasn’t tried to push her and dave breaking up is because she doesn’t want to lose what she considers her real family and father figure. olice is sure that one day she’s either gonna have to cut contact with her mother, or her mother’s going to abandon her. and i won’t tell you which one, but this roadtrip proves one of those theories right. :)

also to be said, veronica isn’t a traditionally abusive person towards olice—not physically or even verbally. what olice goes through is more akin to my own relationship with my mother growing up, where it’s more neglectful and about not being seen or not being emotionally valued versus being physically taken care of. i don’t call it “abuse” in the book specifically just because i have a hard time thinking of what i went through as abuse myself but it definitely Hurts and is unhealthy and that’s what i want to get at irregardless. all of this to say, as an aside, this is something i always knew but never talked about but veronica and olice’s relationship vs darren and dave’s has always been olice is who i am and veronica is who my mother was (in an exaggerated, less religious way) and darren is who i wished i was and dave was who i wished my mother was 🤷🏽‍♂️🤷🏽‍♂️

VERONICA: this is sort of a roundabout, 2-part answer, but she hates being seen as both “the other woman” and as “poor” — and basically both of those answers circle around into an inferority complex. with the first, it stems off of her insecurities when it comes to being with dave, and as much as i love dave to death and am somewhat uncharitable to veronica (because of darren really 🤷🏽‍♂️) i do *understand* where she’s coming from. you should never be made to feel “not good enough” in a relationship; and it’s hard to tell where the divide is for dave Specifically makes her feel that way (though not necessarily intentionally; hurt people hurt people etc etc) or if this is a particular Complex that she projects onto him. but the fact of the matter is, all of the things about their relationship, she has pretty much had to pursue herself. she met dave at an event, and she took a liking to him. she approached him, flirted, got his number, text incessantly until he agreed to a date, then two, and constantly made their plans, and was even the one to ask him to be exclusive. dave was very very passive in a lot of this, and when she was under the assumption that his former partner/baby mama (liz) was dead, it became easy for her to justify her actions. dave was grieving and clearly had been for too long, and she just wanted to get him out of his shell—he was too handsome and too kind to be alone for the rest of his life, in her opinion (not that it’s really her call to make, but i digress). she was only giving him permission to be himself again! and in some ways she is correct, wallowing over liz for the rest of his life certainly isn’t healthy, and dave on some level is aware of that, which is why he sort of… went along with everything regarding veronica. and they had a healthy relationship Before she found out that liz was actually still alive, and dave was just still in love with her. now, ngl, im not 100% sure how she finds this out; bc dave certainly doesn’t talk about liz that often if he can avoid it, not even with his own son, so like hell is he going to talk about it to the new woman he’s seeing (he’s just that kind of guy). all i Do know is that it was several years into their relationship, and around the time that she and her daughter olice moved in with darren and dave. and when she found this out, she was fucking livid honestly. what does this woman who Left You when you needed her most have that EYE, a present, loving, caring partner, don’t? so anytime she and dave had a spat, anytime she clashed with darren or anything went wrong, she became more and more bitter. convinced that she would always be a second fiddle to this woman she’d never met. and the worst part is, she is Partially proven right when liz finally does enter the picture and suddenly dave and liz have more sparks and chemistry than she (in her mind) feels like she and dave have. and this could potentially be because liz is darren’s mother and veronica has never taken an interest in dave’s son the way that he has wholly embraced being a father to olice, but in her micro-defense, darren has never wanted a mom in general, let alone a new one 🤷🏽‍♂️ ANYWAY though, all of this sort of stems from her childhood (as many traumas do) especially in comparing herself unfairly to her sister, cynthia—unfortunate because cynthia adores her and they’re thick as thieves but to veronica cynthia was always the sister who got what she wanted. she was beautiful, the belle of their hometown, grauated with honors, went to college and found a man who was head over heels for her and who spoils her like crazy, has a big happy family, is Rich…. and what does veronica have to show for her life? she got pregnant on a missions trip and abandoned the father, she never finished college, failed relationship after failed relationship where on more than one occasion she’s been “the other woman” … it’s too much! and no matter how much dave assures her that he has no plans of getting back with liz, the man can’t look at her and say he loves her even after ten years together. SO!!!!

[forgottencormac]

What would Cormac's last words be if he died right now?

SCREAM cormac saw that ~you sent this and in my head he started shrieking and wailing: cassimir whyyyyy??!?!! whyyyy do you want me deaddddd *UNCONTROLLABLE SOBBING*

annnnnyyyyywayyyy

ok so ngl im lowkey lakjdflkjdf like if he were at peace w it and his healthiest self, catch him pulling an oscar wilde and saying 'either the wallpaper goes or i do' and instantly dying buT!! lbr!! this level of wit and health in the face of death is unlikely from him!!! so, i came up w some notions:

in case of a violent death: 'cassimir!' (if you're violently killed and you scream 'cassimir' which lowkey means 'destroyer of worlds' are you actually lowkey cursing your killer??? ;DDD) 'mama!' 'help!' or even (my personal favorite!) 'not the chiffon!'/'that's velvet, you churl!' are all pr likely ngl but, like, let's say its a situation where he has enough time to think of it/compose smth that he thinks its profound ok ngl the most likely is legit like...'there has to be some mistake' like??? where he is currently idk that he can fully comprehend that anyone might want his mam's baby boy dead???? even if he's had days to think abt it etc

but, like, in terms of what he might ~like it to be, he'd def want it to be smth ~he thinks is profound and melodramatic and sentimental and probs a touch romantic etc like...ok so to be clear we ~know what katherine howard said before she died and it ~wasn't this, but there's this legend that she said right before she was beheaded: 'I die a queen, but would rather die the wife of Culpepper' and, no lie, cormac would think that is METAL AFFFF!!!!!!!!! he would def want his last words to be smth like that!!!!!!! and like idk what his equivalent would be???? 'I die a drama queen, but would rather die the wife of Cassimir' perhaps? ;DD jk jk

ultimately i feel like, given who he is itd just be a lil sappy and slightly nonsensical and v dramatic and i do think its probs one of those things id have to write the moment ic so i can get his voice and he'd just sorta dump it on me and id be like 'my dude? is that really want you wanna go w here?' and he'd be like 'don't be a fool' and then instantly die and thus ~those would actually end up being his last words ;DDDD

but yeah either the super melodramatic supposed katherine howard quote vibe or else...like, think the kinda quote that you might see embroidered on a middle age soccer mom's throw pillow (or is this just a profession-specific reference??? either way...ive seen waaaay too many of those...)??? that kinda thing such as 'live laugh love' 'together is my favorite place to be' 'this is us' 'life is beautiful' 'bless this mess' 'choose happy' type vibe that's generally pr positive but like...i think arguably ~most ppl wouldn't want these as their last words??? they're kinda...impersonal for that???? but like...he would idk alksdjfklsdjf

other alternatives: 'has cassimir called yet?' bc he was legit tryna hold on till he got there or else, i kid you not, 'cormac' bc well he's v fond of himself alksjfkldsjfjkdsf joked abt this for roderick but im legit srs abt it for cormac i fear l;akjsdfkljsdf

[spikeinthepunch]

Penrose: Dawning- the dev blog

Okay well my game has been up for a few days now, and the Jam is over so yeah, why not give a massive blog about it and the development and characters and feelings etc.

again this was quite a feat for me, so to say. as small as the game is. ive been struggling a ton for years and years, so the process and experience has stuck with me for the last month.

The personal

If you have followed and read some of my posts from the last month youd probably seen me talking about having seen a neurophysiologist-- my appointments for that were happening for quite a while before this month but this month was the end of it. Aside from it clearly being a huge stressor in general, it was also a huge eye opener to my problems. Which yeah, include my ability to Make Things. Not art- but everything else. The listening & reading comprehension, math and memory I tested on being really really bad. And it was great to understand that now! but having decided to take on the Jam was a lot and well, even though on one hand i felt good that I knew my issues.... it didn't mean i solved my issues. Now i was just way more away of them.

So, I tried my hardest I think because I knew I'd always give up on this stuff. And well, my mood meds were still kinda helping. I think there was a different kind of determination despite the upset that some of those tests caused me. Still, I faced a lot of anxiety, frusteration, and upsetting feelings in the process because of how hard it was for me to learn even the smallest things. I won't go super hard on that-- I just want to appreciate the small community of Narrat for being able to help and clarify my confusion even if I'd often say to myself "ugh, that was such a simple thing! i shouldnt need to get it clarified two times over!" etc etc.

still despite the variety of emotions i faced i came out of this really thinking 'wow i actually made something' because literally all these years i have never realized a larger project due to my issues. so for that i can be happy.

The development

the process of making this game was interesting because obvious i had never put my assumptions about the best way to develop to the test. i could think all the while "ill do this first, this second etc" but until you start making it you may realize you gotta do something else!

the fact this was only a month long didnt really give me much time to figure out better ways to develop, it i was already a ways into it. so i came out realizing what i could do diffferent. one thing for sure is i know i couldnt start with art. its just not possible in general to predict the art i would need clearly, because even if i were to write a lot, i felt that making dialog branches was much easier while i was coding because i never knew how far i would want them to go.

but also, in terms of writing- i already write a lot and i kinda have my mental process. getting that to work with the game was tough, and while i liked how i wrote for this game, i feel like it faltered in the sense that writing so many bits of it entirely away from each other had my struggling to make sure i felt connected. like, writing on one huge document allows me to easily refer back and having it all together makes it flow well in my head. but having them scattered around code was hard for me to track and i was never sure if it all felt like it connected up well. i also think in general if i wrote most of the important chunks- stuff not incredibly reliant on branches/choices- that i probably would have written waaaay more too. its just a format of writing that is natural.

there isnt too much as i did in the game coding wise so i dont have too many comments on development process. but i know i would like to make games in narrat that use the typical features found in games like DE (as the engine was inspired by), like stats/skills and maybe inventory depending on the thing.

The story & design

i dont plan to explain the story in detail here (a lot of secret context it on my discord) and i have talked loads about trying to write the themes its tackled.

the main thing about it is just that i have never properly realized Penrose and well. I was facing a creative block this last month which caused more struggles. But it was harder with art- mostly design. coming up with a design is harder in a block than reading a thing that says "draw a series of houses". thinking up something new is not easy. and my head also gets very stuck up in "if you design this and draw it, you can never change it".

Eden was pulled from my old unused RP character, Eden Creature, and so i was able to base her off something already. even so making anything at all was hard- even for Mick who already existed. I really didnt want her and Eden to revert back into my old style because its just no me anymore but at the same time i do want to get something unique for this story. Dawning does not reflect what I want exactly. I like what i managed to do esp in working with my time constraints. but, its not something i want to keep doing going forward.

the story was WAY more condensed than i thought it would be and its because i didnt really realize how quickly approaching the deadline was compared to my work. but at the same time i am glad it was? i was quite ambitious with how big i wanted this "proof of concept" to be, to where i definitely probably would have gotten farther in the plot and realized i had no clue exactly what I wanted.

because i do have a general idea of this story but not like. enough. and so shortening the story hugely for this demo was actually a good thing because i would have had to write a lot more and also probably wouldnt have been able to explain lore well enough because of how little i understood my own world. and when youre creative blocked its incredibly hard trying to development of that world too.

conclusion

i mentioned it breifly in a blog post but tbh the most scary part is having it hit that i am nervous has to how people will take my characters. not in a criticism kinda way but just the idea that people just wont really 'get' them. and even just the idea that my OCs have been "presented to the world" in some sense. i do stuff in my own little space all the time and never think about what it would really be like to put a game on itch.io or even like publish a proper animation on youtube or publish a book or something. its different and its weird because i have always thought to myself that i want people to see my OCs! but then i put it up in a place where it likely will be seen and I am afraid of that.

its probably for it being a first time. and also i need to learn confidence in this kind of work i was so into thinking i could never truly make because of my issues. this was still like, very very hard to do mentally etc and i feel very exhausted. but i really dont want this to be the first and last time i try and make something.

[alandfilloftrash]

Since tomorrow is the first day of Ramadan, I’m gonna say this once, and once only:

No, not even water.

[macgyvermedical]

Maybe a weird question, I have next to no experience with hospitals and so what I see on tv is where I get most of my knowledge, whether it's accurate or not. Does everyone who gets admitted have a heart rate monitor put on at all times? What other sensors are attached? Is an IV always inserted if they're admitted too?

Good question!

I'll answer the IV question first since it's the easiest. Almost all patients admitted to the hospital will have an IV unless they refuse. These are used to administer drugs and fluids, and also very helpful in an emergency. If the patient is getting continuous fluids, a blood transfusion, or IV medication over an extended period of time, they'll be attached to a pump. Otherwise the port will just be capped.

What monitoring equipment is used is based on what is wrong with the patient and what part of the hospital they are admitted to.

Typically, hospitals have 3 levels of acuity (how much care a patient needs): Critical Care, Telemetry, and Med-Surg. There may be multiple units/floors that fall under these categories, but their monitoring capabilities would be similar. Of these, I have worked med-surg and tele.

Med-Surg is typically the lowest level of acuity. This is where most patients are admitted. Think things like pneumonia, cellulitis, heart failure exacerbations, COPD or asthma exacerbations, as well as where someone might stay for a few days after most surgeries. Depending on the size of the hospital, there may be multiple specialized med-surg floors (say, one just for lung problems, one just for orthopedic surgeries, one just for trauma, etc...), or just one or two where all diagnoses end up.

Med-surg does not have heart monitors, but may have SpO2 (the amount of oxygen in the blood, measured with a probe on a finger or ear), EtCO2 (the amount of carbon dioxide in exhaled breath measured with a specialized nasal cannula), and apnea (whether the person is breathing and how many breaths per minute they are taking) monitors for overnight use in patients with sleep apnea or who have lung problems. These readings are displayed on tiny screens above the patient's bed or transmitted to the nursing station. When patients are up and walking around, they are typically not monitored.

Otherwise, vital signs (heart rate, respiratory rate, blood pressure, temperature, and SpO2) are taken about every 4-8 hours depending on the patient's condition.

Telemetry units are similar to med-surg units, but they have the additional ability to monitor continuous (3- or 5-lead) EKGs (heart rhythm waveforms). While they can take all higher-acuity med-surg patients, they can specifically also take patients who are admitted for heart rhythm problems. This is important to monitor how a new medication might be working to control a heart rhythm, or monitor for a dangerous heart rhythm.

Most tele units I've worked on have not had the patient monitors in the rooms. The patients carry little packs around in their gowns that connect to the leads on their chests. The packs transmit the EKG data (and optionally SpO2 data if that probe is also attached) to a computer screen at the nurses station and sometimes to a screen or two in the hallway for easy visibility.

Sometimes, if the hospital uses a communication system like Vocera (think little voice-activated cell phones that clip to your scrubs), the packs can also directly communicate to the Vocera and tell the patient's nurse if a heart rhythm changed (the lil computer voice hilariously mispronounces the names of heart rhythms. It's lovely). Or more frequently (like, waaaay more frequently) that the battery in the pack needs changed or that a lead fell off.

(Note- most alarms in med-surg and tele are "false" alarms and the system manufacturers know it. There's a system that has this quiet little "meep meep" sound for apnea (not breathing). Hilariously, it so infrequently actually detects apnea that the sound basically alerts you that the patient is probably breathing but the cannula fell off please help? But anyway, alarm fatigue (not being able to hear any alarms because there are just so many all the time) is a thing.)

Because this can get annoying, sometimes hospitals have people who's job it is to watch the monitors from a central location and call the associated nurses if they see something that looks actually wrong.

Critical Care includes all intensive care units, the emergency department, and any post anesthesia care units (PACU). This is where there are actual hardwired EKG, SpO2, automatic blood pressure, and other sensors that connect straight to a monitor behind the person's bed. They also transmit to the nurses station and Vocera systems if applicable.

In order to have this normal set of sensors (everything seen on the monitor screen below except the two yellow lines and second BP reading), the patient typically has 5 electrodes on their chest, a blood pressure cuff on their arm, a glowing red sticker on their finger or ear, and a cannula in their nose (both for providing oxygen and measuring respiratory rate). All of these require a separate cord to the monitor (or a box transmitting this to the monitor).

In addition to these, ICUs often have systems that can monitor continuous blood pressure via a little catheter in an artery, systems that can monitor pressure inside the skull with a sensor surgically placed in the brain, specific blood pressures in the lungs and heart with special sensors placed in the vasculature, and other invasive and non-invasive monitoring sensors.

Since people in ICU-level care more often have monitors both correctly placed and correctly maintained and since the patients are typically sicker and more likely to have a sudden change in condition, the alarms are statistically more reliable.

[xgryffinwhore]

september nights

request:  i was wondering if you could write another soft bill smut? i don’t really have a specific plot in mind, we’re just really lacking content on tumblr rn :( in some really precarious place where they don’t want to get caught

warnings: soft smut, like i mean very soft.

word count: 2118

before your lips met bill denbrough’s, love was always, to say the least, a conundrum. lets be real for second, boys wasted your time, and you let them. only the cute ones of course. you are a hopeless romantic, drunk off of molly ringwald and john travolta films. you wanted any relationship you had to be just like the movies.

through your heart breaks, your best friends stood by you, your losers. eddie, richie, bev, stan, ben, and bill. for each tear you shed a punch was thrown to the man who caused it, they were protective over you. bill the most though, he always got so defensive when you were in the mix. all throughout middle & high school, bill has had to deal with every guy who even dares to think about breaking your heart.

“its not fair bill” you wailed into your pillow. he stroked your back and hushed you, his eyes welling with tears. “im never fucking good enough for any guy and its so fucking sad!” your complaints being cut off mid sentence by a choked out cry. “y-y/n. all of y-your boyfriend are i-idiots. anyone w-who would d-d-do this to you isnt w-worth your t-time. anyone w-would be the luckiest in the w-world to have y-you in their life” you picked your head up and looked at him with swollen lips and blood shot eyes “there no one out there for me bill, no one.” 

he bit his lip, fighting back any tears dripping from his eyes “they j-just dont see how p-pretty you are. how g-gentle and caring and s-s-sweet, and h-how your face c-can light up any room. theyre f-fucking idiots, and you d-deserve m-more.” you clearly thought he was being nice, because you could take a MOTHER FUCKING GOD DAMN hint, so you replied “i wish there was someone out there like you, for me, that thinks of me the way you do.” 

he furrowed his brows, tossing his head back and running his fingers furiously through his hair. “d-dammit y/n!” he cursed “cant you s-see what ive b-been trying to say? w-w-what ive been t-trying to say f-for the last f-five years!?!” your expression was bewildered, your brain was going a mile a minute trying to figure out what he meant. his frustration got the best of him, he got up and stormed out the door,  feeling embarrassed and stupid for trying to make you understand how he felt.

he was half way out your front door, fuming for his keys lodged deep into his front pocket; when suddenly:

“bill!”

his head turned at the call of his name, “y-y/n please i d-”

smack.

your lips locked with his, he rain pouring heavily outside. bills lips stilled at the contact, but this lasted briefly, he deepened this kiss by pulling you in to his abdomen by your mid back. your bunched the front of his base ball t shirt with your fists, and he did the same but with your hair.

the rest is basically history.

now six months later, and you couldnt have been happier. bill knew how to treat you, nights out twice a week (you always wanted to pay but bill insisted,) holding your hand to and from classes, he let you borrow have his varsity baseball jacket, which smelt just like him and was a little too big for you. 

when he would drop you off and your classes, he would always grab your hand and transfer a tiny piece of paper into your palm. when you got into class to unfold it, it was always a cute little message about his love for you. 

bill had it bad for you, everyone knew that, and you loved every minute of it. he met every and any standard you had, and exceeded your expectations. 

it was september, still warm enough in derry to wear shorts, so you and your friends thought of a last hurrah for the ending of the summery weather.

“camp out, its nearly perfect” Richie exclaimed. eddie rolled his eyes “like youve ever been near anything perfect toizer, do you even know what perfect means?” richie shoved eddie “yeah eddie i actually have. have you seen amanda’s tits?”

 you tuned out richie and eddies bickering as you’re boyfriend cleared his throat. “you g-gonna go?” he said into your ear, “only if you promise to wear bug spray bill, you know how bad-” he cut you off with a kiss, his mouth forming a small smile at how cute you were. “get a room, honestly” stan poked, pda wasn’t his favorite... “at least i h-have something to k-kiss aye s-stannie”

you arrived at the edge of the forest, parking your car at the last parking ish space. you walked toward the sounds of ben and richie fighting, and came to see that richie really went all out. three tents, sticks for a fire, and more snacks than anyone needed. 

you all spent the remanence of the daylight dancing in the light sky, sharing stories, and eating waaaay too many chips. it was dark now, you all huddled in a circle near the fire; making small talk and trying not to admit you were all very tired.

“ok folks, im off to bed” richie yawned “me stan eddie n’ mike will take the green tent, bev and ben in the red.” richie paused and smirked over at you and bill, you were tangled in his limbs, golfed in his navy blue pull over. “and uh- heh- billy boy and y/n in the yellow tent eh?” you could practically feel bills eye roll, god richie was so immature.

“w-we dont have to s-sleep in the s-s-same tent, i c-can ask ben if he’d s-switch” you look up at bill and reassure him “bill no- its not a big deal, right?” he tucks your hair behind your ear and kisses the side of your temple “c-course not.”

you both went into the tent, bill began to unroll the blankets you both had packed tightly into your bags. You both set up your makeshift bed, bill leaned against a pile of pillows while you hugged his side, your face buried in his neck. his smell was absolutely intoxicating; his skin had remanence of his milk and honey body wash, but it was slightly overpowered by wintergreen, clove, and his bourbon cologne. 

you were like this for around an hour, the orange crank-powered lantern being the only source of light. you switch positions though, you now laid your head on his lap, reading a magazine you stole from the hair salon. he watched your eyes scan every letter, when you read something funny you’d huff to yourself, and when something was intresting you stuck your tongue out from between your teeth. he adored you.

“d-dont stay up t-too late” he stroked your hair off your shoulder “we have t-to have you w-well r-r-rested.” you sat up from beside him, as he adjusted the pillows and took off his pull over, then his pants. he got under the covers and waited for you.

“nice donut boxers” you laughed. “s-shut up” he blushed and regreted not changing them when he had the chance. you turned around took off your shirt, you were shy about how you looked, but it was just bill. it was just bill. you heard his breath hitch, his eagerness radiating off his body onto yours. the air became tense as you unzipped your pants and threw them to the corner. you turned around, bills pupils growing until you were completely facing him.

“yeah i know. mine are boring” you laugh nervously, brushing your hair behind your ear and getting under the covers next to him. he didnt respond, he couldnt take his eyes off of you.you began to sit up again “i can go put back on-” “n-no!” he interrupts, his blush taking up his entire face.

“i j-j-just cant b-believe i g-get to see something s-so special” he gulped “s-so b-b-b-beautiful.”

you grabbed him by his shoulders and kissed him, hard. youve been with boys before, i mean youve dated plenty of people. but no one ever called your body special. hot, yeah. nice, yeah. beautiful, sure. but no one ever thought that it was special. 

bill was a kind boy, the most you two have ever done is get each other off with your hands, always clothed. bill never asked to see more, he felt lucky enough just to make you feel good, and that was enough for him. so when you felt the heat of his hands hovering over your body but not touching it, you new you’d have to call the shots tonight.

“bill,” you laid down “just touch me everywhere, please.” he crawled in between your legs, kneeling so that he could lean over your face “m-my pleasure.”

he traced your collar, leaving small, delicate, kisses to make up for what his fingers left behind as they trailed. he kissed the valley between your breasts, licking slow striped down your skin. he picked up your upper back a little and cocked his head to the side, you nodded and he unclipped your bra. he sat their with his mouth open, taking in the view. you blushed and muttered “hey, keep that mouth to good use.” he dipped down and sucked on your nipples, his mouth felt so good against your skin grazed with goosebumps. he was gingerly with his tongue, it was sexy, it was romantic. he kissed down your stomach, his fingers sweeping down your sides. you could see his member pressing against his boxers, the pressure made him wince every once in a while. his fingers met your panties and he hooked them. again, he looked up for permission, you nodded once again. 

he brought your underwear down your legs and off, looking back to see what he had relieved. he licked his lips, getting ready to please you more than he already did. but you felt bad, bill always gave gave and gave. “its ok, im ready right now.” bill looked up at you in shock, he wasnt expecting you’d want to go all the way. “y/n, y-youre sure?” you lean up and kiss his lips, swiping your tongue against his bottom lip “please.”

he pulled down his boxers eagerly, his member sprung out to hit his stomach. he lined up with you, checking once more that it was ok. then he pushed in, bottoming out. he felt bigger than you thought, of course he was well endowed, but he filled you up so well. you mewled, the pain and pleasure making a delicious feeling that made your toes curl.

he waited, but began slowly moving after a bit. he grunted, feeling you wrapped around him was something he’d never be able to get out of his head he thought to himself. he grunted “f-fuck this feels g-good’ he grunted, his breath becoming heavy and full of lust. with every stroke, you felt yourself get more and more lost in the bliss he made you feel. “youre making me feel so good  bill” you moan, the sound of his name coming out of your mouth driving him absolutely crazy. he speeds up, loving the view of your face contorting in pleasure and your body moving with his. 

he couldnt help but feel admiration to you, your hair formed a halo around your head, and the sweat that coated your skin made you glisten in the orange light. “im t-the luckiest in the world” he husks, holding your cheek. 

you felt the knot in your core coming undone, “bill im close” you strain, trying not to be too loud so you dont wake your friends. he moved your leg up to his shoulder, hitting you from a different, deeper angle. his fingers went to your clit, making you bite your had to stop you from screaming. “you l-look so p-pretty y/n, t-taking me s-so well. making y-you feel so good.” “so good bill” you repeat, drunken off his cock and fingers. 

without warning, you came came, your legs spazzing as you moaned “fuck bill” he followed, his hips stuttering, as he cried out into your shoulder. he pulled out and laid next to you, both of you breathing heavily and coming off your highs. 

“y/n” he looked at you “t-that was really j-just wow- thank y-you.” you kissed him, chaste and sweet “that was great yeah?” “it w-was perfect babe. t-thank you f-for t-that. i love you y-y/n.”

“i love you too bill.”

he sat up, his fingers dancing on your inner thigh.

“y/n?”

“yeah?”

“c-can we p-please do t-that again?”

[juchumice]

ive been thinking abt this avatar au for SO LONG!! i know some other exists but i still really wanted to put my spin on it and make them younger so it could be a bit more contextually different, so they’re roughly 14 during the au!

AIZAWA: aizawa’s a waterbender from the northern water tribe. initially, many believed he was a nonbender as it took quite awhile longer for his bending to reveal itself than the other children. he has zero talent concerning waterbending, none at all. in fact, he was absolutely terrible at it initially. but, if there was one thing he was certain about in youth, it was being an excellent waterbender. when first applying to waterbending classes, he was considered far too inexperienced to join. the instructor was a stern type. he told aizawa that he had, “no potential,” and should focus less on waterbending and more on hand to hand combat to waste less time. instead of listening, aizawa practiced terribly. everyday, every moment, he would be waterbending from dusk to dawn till he stumbled from lack of sleep. he even founded his own method, drenching his scarf of spongey material in water and bending it as a weapon. after further practice, he finally got accepted into the course with pure hard work. the issue was that everyone in his class was younger than him, talented and brilliant. none of them worked as hard as he did. they all were children just playing around. as the bending moves increased in difficulty, aizawa began to fall behind again, so his whole day would be absolutely swallowed in practice, practice, and practice. he would be beaten constantly by his peers: during spars, general displays of moves, and learning, so he couldn’t rely on his own power, instead focusing on strength in addition to strategy and observation. it was this adjustment of tactics that led him higher in his studies. he was able to graduate the minor classes, but his instructor thought it was best to get more experience in bending rather than continually relying on his other strengths, so he was sent away from home to study abroad among the other kingdoms and view their bending techniques.

YAMADA: yamada is an air nomad, but he is one of the very few who does not appear to be capable of bending. due to the spiritual nature of the air nomads, there are very few who are unable to airbend, and yamada is one of them. but, everyone else was very supportive even without his bending. he was able to have many friends, however couldn’t join in their air bending games. that’s where he learned his talent for announcing. as the other kids would play their games of air ball and pie toss, he’ll be there on the sidelines, narrating every single thing with his peculiar flare that led to his popularity among the northern air temple. though, even with everyone’s supportive nature, yamada was unhappy with his position. ever since he was but a toddler, he really wanted to be an airbender, streaking across the sky on a glider and riding on air scooters, only to be sorely disappointed. sure, he was able to ‘fly’ with his flying bison’s, baito’s, help but it just wasn’t the same. after a bit, he ran from the northern air temple, sick and tired of living in such a small space. with far too many fantasies on his mind, yamada wished to explore the other nations. it was then he stumbled across the fire nation. they were fascinating. their own fierce power, their sense of fashion, their culture, everything drew yamada closer. he would watch their shows with undisguised excitement, even announcing for a couple of them. while announcing for one of the firebender shows, yamada was required to choose a volunteer from the crowd, which just happened to be aizawa. this led to the beginning of their interactions.

so that’s it i guess! my main ideas for the avatar au! yamada has a glider, but he uh... stole it. just carries it around a lot to ‘feel like an airbender’-- and it’s a great umbrella when it rains!

the au itself takes place before the 100 year war so no worries abt any firebenders just yet!! i might develop it more but this is where its at so farrr

also i wrote a lil small thing while i was playin with the idea: 

...

“You know… I always wanted to bend,” Yamada said. He kicked up the dust with a shoe, frowning at the cloud that billowed around his feet as if it could disappear with a simple scrutinizing look. But, it didn’t. Merely floated to and fro without a care of his whims. 

Aizawa examined him carefully. There was no sound made, just an invitation to continue.

Yamada blew at several pieces of hair that loosened from his bush that he called a hairstyle. “Yeah. Sounds ‘crazy’! But, it made total sense! Look, look, look, I would be an EPIC airbender. You have to admit. I mean, look how cool my poses are!” He proceeded to strike several different ‘airbending poses’ that neither suggested coolness nor airbending. 

“You’ve watched too many firebending shows,” Aizawa replied. 

“But that’s what makes it so cool! The fire just exploding into the sky like Pompeii, but you can only see these red sparkles and nothing goes wrong… Imagine doing that… Imagine…” He chuckled mirthlessly. “Being a bender must be fun, huh…” His staff loosened from his fingers to slide and clatter to the floor. “Don’t even use this DUMB thing! I dunno why I keep it all the time… Maybe, oh! Maybe every time I hold it I get a 1% increase in being an airbender or something! Yeah… tough luck. You know? You know how stupid it is when EVERYONE in the temple’s an airbender and you’re stuck being the only kid around-- believe me they’re all super nice about it-- BUT ME?? THE ONLY ONE!! Don’t feel bad for me or I’ll strangle you or something, but it still freaking sucks. Man, air scooters? I totally would’ve invented those if I was an airbender…”

On and on he jabbered. He could have done this if he was an airbender, or maybe he could have done this!  Aizawa was unsure what to respond with. He never understood. Sure, he understood hardship and running raggedly through the critics and holding one’s goals to heart. A waterbender who couldn’t bend water for crap? That’s what they called him, might as well give up they had said, but he powered through and became skilled with pure hard work. No luck, no cheats, and no talent. Yamada was the opposite case, full of supporting faces and ancient smiles, but just no bending in general. How could someone so hopeful be met with such a grisly fate? Yet, all that Aizawa could offer was a tongue-in-cheek, “Sorry.” 

Yamada stopped talking abruptly. “Huh?”

“I said sorry.”

“Oh. Yeah. Don’t say sorry, man! What’s the fun in that, too gloomy Aizawa, waaaay too gloomy. Y’know, it is what it is! I got a sweet gig going on anyway, I don’t need anything as stupid as airbending. Only saps use airbending, they probably think it’s cool or something, but it isn’t haha. Waterbending, firebending, earthbending, that stuff’s cool! Airbending’s just some playing around with wind or something.”

[barb-l]

Ohh! You might be right about Wednesday wearing dark blue in Fam Values but I swear I can only recall her bathing suit, one Morticia dress and Debbie's fits at the moment haha. I'm gonna probably rewatch both movies before Halloween though. Wbu? Are u planning any spooky movie marathon maybe? Also oof I'm so sorry abt your experience with the school for g00d and and evil. I haven't seen it.. yet(?).. but I read the book ages ago and um yeah. 😐😑😒

GOSH THANK U SO MUCH for posting your draft, you made my night!! Like I'm sitting here with a huge, dumb smile on my face cause it's so sweet and wholesome! Enid knew she was gonna miss Wednesday even before parting for the summer so she gave her her number but didn't have much hope she would even keep it. But Wednesday did keep it and bought a phone so just she could text her because she missed her too! OH BE STILL MY HEART 😳 That's also what Enid must have told herself after receiving that msg and realizing that ''Wednesday Addams actually missed me'' 😳

That bit about Enid thinking of Wesnesday and her smile? I SWOONED

And how Wednesday keeps making HER smile effortlessly with just being her weird as shit gothic ass self? The one Enid grew to LO- LIKE so much? OH MY HEART

This is such a fantastic draft you have here and I'm so grateful and honored you shared it with us. 💛 I'm no way asking or bugging you to finish it before the show drops cause I understand you prefer to post canon compliant content. All I'm gonna say is if inspiration strikes and you find your head full of ideas for this fic don't let anything stop you from writing it. You're genuinely amazing in expressing yourself in both writing and drawing so sometimes you can have a little non-canon stuff too as a treat 😄 I for one am gonna love love love it either way among many others. Of course it's up to you and only you, like I said I understood your reasoning perfectly. It's just.. this is waaaay to good to be scrapped. Really. Alright I will shut up now. Thanks again 💛

Ah not really. Whatever time i have when im not working, id rather spend drawing either for fun or my commissions. Although i do love creepy and macabre stuff, im not a big fan of horror movies. A lot of them are more about either shocking viewers and being as gorey and torture porn-y as possible, which isn't really my thing. Tho there are some horror movies out there i quite liked, I prefer to watch compilation videos of ghosts caught on camera and stuff if im in the mood for something spooky.

The SGE movie's pretty good for someone like me who hasn't read the books. My brother and I actually had tons of fun until all the confusing qb(and the whole thing with Rafal and Sophie. Barf). Like, if the filmmakers knew Agatha and Sophie were sisters then why have them kiss on the lips?? Unless they plan on retconning that since i hear that was only revealed at a later book...

Omg thank you! Ive mentioned it before but I'm not as confident with my writing as i am with my art, so compliments regarding my fics are always super appreciated. I'll consider continuing to write it, if there's still more i can squeeze out of me.

[emumuuu]

im having kaebedo thoughts and its late at night so have these late night kaebedo headcanons

please do not get angry over these, i just did these for fun thank youuu

• they first (officially) met when albedo made a (rare) appearance at the alchemy shop. he dropped something, it rolled into the street, and kaeya spotted it and gave it back

• kaeya totally already wanted to be friends with him, if not already had a crush on him at this point

• kaeya enjoys bothering albedo when he’s reading in the library

• he’s annoying for about 20 minutes and then he offers to help

• he usually falls asleep at one of the tables

• albedo started bringing a jacket for him so he wouldnt be cold while he slept

• when albedo feels like being annoying, he’ll go down to the bar and pay the bartender extra to withhold alcoholic beverages from kaeya

• sometimes jean has kaeya take klee out to do things when she behaves and makes it a week without blowing up something

• they usually go to find albedo

• klee calls him “mr beedo”

• since kaeya has no idea wtf he’s doing with his nasty rat tail, albedo offers to gives him tips whenever kaeya mentions it

• he usually ends up doing it a lot

• he puts it up in a bun for him because “its most functional that way.” *cOuGh cOuGh*

• this does not please the klee, because klee likes to braid kaeya’s hair and “when mr beedo does it it doesnt look right so i gotta braid it!!! :(”

• its like stupid obvious that kaeya likes albedo

• he always comes by the shop with gifts he finds while he’s out adventuring or smth and things from marjorie‘s store that remind him of him

• he drops it off wether albedo is there or not

• poor sucrose has to find a spot for them until albedo gets back

• albedo isn’t very good at expressing his crush because he‘s the most introverted of all introverts and he also just has no idea how to because he usually doesn’t have to do this type of thing

• kaeya is surprisingly patient with him

• lisa is like waaaay too invested in this

• she tells kaeya to get flowers from the plant shop

• kaeya says its too obvious

• lisa stares at him like “really???”

• jean is totally oblivious even though she’s seen him leave the HQ multiple times after one of their many library excursions

• when albedo goes up to dragonspine kaeya seems a lot more on edge and less patient than usual

• hmmm wonder why

• albedo goes on less dragonspine trips once he gets closer with kaeya

• its a mystery i guess we’ll never know why

• one time albedo said he was interested in studying the anatomy of a hilichurl

• kaeya brought him the dismembered arm of a hilichurl

• he legitimately had no idea what to say

that’s all ive got for now........................ more later because these were very fun

[dr-gloom]

A Post About Top Surgery From Someone Who’s Currently Recovering

Yo! I’m gonna make a Trans Survival Guide sometime soon but until then I’ve had some stuff on my mind I wanted to get out here for anyone thinking about/waiting for top surgery. I’ll try to keep it reader-friendly cause i totally understand how hard it can be to read large blocks of text

So, here we go.

Pre-Op

You’ll be asked to not drink or smoke for anywhere from a month to 2 weeks prior to surgery, depending on your surgeon’s preference.

They ask that you only use Tylenol if you need to take pain meds as ibuprofen is a blood thinner and can lead to surgical complications.

If you take vitamins or supplements of any kind, get it cleared with your surgeon or stop taking them as well.

You are absolutely allowed to ask a surgeon how many surgeries they’ve done, their success-to-revision rate, their style if they haven’t already told you, and anything else. 

You won’t offend them, and even if you do, making sure you’re going with the surgery you want is waaaay more important. Put your health and your chest above their feelings.

You’re also allowed to meet up with other surgeons to make sure you’re making the best choice. Consider this “shopping”. Just because you met a surgeon, doesn’t mean you have to go with them.

The Surgery

The specific details may vary, but from my own experience, this is how it goes. 

You’re given a time to check in, then you’re called in from the waiting room to go into Pre-Op. 

For me, this meant chillin for a couple hours under a heated blanket, IV in my arm and heart monitor on my finger. 

Until you’re taken into surgery, a lot of nothing happens, and the everything happens. You meet your surgeon so he can draw on you. You meet the anesthesiology team and presiding nurses etc. 

You can absolutely ask them any question you have, express any anxiety, no judgement. The more vocal you are, the more they can help you and by extension themselves. 

I told the anesthesiologist I’d never had surgery before so I was stressed about going under, and they put something in my IV to help me relax before I was wheeled into the OR. Then they put the mask thing over my mouth and I was out. 

You’ll be chillin naked under a hospital gown for a while lol. After you wake up, if it’s an outpatient procedure, they’ll keep you until they’re sure you’re stable - oriented, no vomiting, etc - before wheeling you out to go home. 

You’ll feel kind of slow, very tired, maybe loopy, and of course whatever you tend to feel from anesthesia. For anyone who’s never had surgery, affects range from nausea to coldness to sleepiness to Total Crap.

Incisions and Types of Surgery

There are of course the two main distinctions most people know: key-hole and double incision. What many don’t know is there are vast differences in surgeons’ styles when it comes to these. I’ve seen double incisions shaped like

smiles

a straight line across the chest

two straight lines

two slightly curved lines

incisions that meet in the middle (as mine did, but only to avoid “dog ears”)

incisions that follow the pectoral muscle

This doesn’t even include botched stitching

If you can, ask to see pictures. They may or may not be allowed to show you; if they have a prior patient’s permission, they can.

Just to cover my bases: key-hole is a small incision made near the nipple which can only really be done for those with small breasts (A cups or smaller ((apparently there are smaller ones???))). 

I still recommend double incision, because you have better results and are less likely to have excess skin. The only drawback is the scarring but I believe it’s worth it.

Pain and Pain Management

Typically, from my understanding, top surgeries are outpatient surgeries if you have to travel to get to your surgeon. 

This is cause they want you numb while you’re travelling back home. 

Of course, I’m speaking as someone from Sacramento who had to travel to San Francisco to see a top surgeon so of course you should check with your surgeon about these specifics.

You’ll get prescription meds. If you stay within the guidelines set for you on the dosage label, you won’t get addicted, so don’t put yourself through pain just cause you’re scared of addiction, trust me.  

It is completely possible and probable for you to swell if you don’t have drains. 

Your chest will feel swollen, maybe spongey ((BUT STOP TOUCHING IT)) and that’s normal. 

If the skin feels heated, you get a fever, you have a hard time breathing, it’s tender to the touch (more than it should be), or makes liquid sounds, CALL YOUR SURGEON/RN.

For me, it was like this:

The first day wasn’t too bad, neither was the second day. The third and fourth hurt the worst, but the pain you feel after the first check-up is different and worse. 

You get the gauze taken off your nipples, whatever compression device they have you use is taken off for the first time and you’re moving skin for the first time in at least a week. It hurts. 

It goes from “bad bruise” pain to “oh shit my chest was cut” pain. If you’ve got a little meat on your bones and your skin tends to fold a little, that can cause irritation too. It sucks.

After about Week 2, you can switch from prescription meds to Tylenol, but not Ibuprofen just to be safe.

Surgery Aftercare

Range of Motion:

They’ll tell you not to raise your hands above your head. 

They’ll say no heavy lifting or working out. 

You absolutely cannot use your arms to sit up. 

You should not go your full reach without doctor approval. 

Try to avoid reaching out to the side or behind you. 

Bending over is also something you wanna avoid cause as your midsection bunches up it can rub/crease your incisions and that hurts.

Ideal Outfit/Clothes:

Honestly if you can avoid wearing anything but underwear and the compression garment, go for it. 

If you can’t, button-ups or tank tops with big arm holes are your best friend. 

For the first few days at least have someone else help you dress. 

I’d suggest loose, non-button/zipper pants such as sweats or gym shorts.

 No shoes with laces/velcro since you can’t bend over - sandals/flipflops are best.

Medications:

As mentioned earlier, you’ll be given prescription pain meds. Take them as prescribed and you’ll be fine. 

If you feel any of the negative side effects like hives or fever or nausea, absolutely stop taking them and contact your doctor. 

You’ll also likely be given antibiotics to prevent infection. Take ALL OF THEM, as prescribed. 

Depending on how you react to anesthesia and who your surgeon is, you may also be given stool softener. 

Bottom line: take ALL of your meds AS DIRECTED. These people know what they’re doing.

If you’re doing everything safe and nothing has set you back, typically you’re good to drive around 3 weeks after, workout lightly about 4 or 5 weeks after, and everything else about 6-8 weeks after.

*****This post was made from things I have learned and my own current experience. If I haven’t mentioned something it’s because I don’t know about it and I’d prefer you have to find information elsewhere than risk spreading false information******

[burnedbyshoto]

I wanna start a blog where I write any advice?? I’m lost I don’t know what to dooo please HELP

oh my… you’re coming to me??? for help????? i just… okay…

um

so, as you may or may not know i had started writing for shouto since about… march last year but it was an OC, and then i finally built up the courage to submit my writings for people to read here… also i didnt proofread any of this im waaaay too tired but i wanted to put this out asap for you!!!!!!

this is what i did!:

i created a whole new blog tbh. my old blog is hella old and i never really did anything on it except like literally everything, so if youre curious about what it is youll be disappointed because i haven’t reblogged anything on there in 4 years. i know, i was a terrible supporter of writers and artists back then!!!!!!

created an account with the name burnedbyshouto hated the way the u ruined the symmetry of the title so i made it burnedbyshoto! LMAO if you were curious about that. i went in knowing that i what i was gonna write!

before i created the blog i actually had my first piece ready, idk if you read it but its Watermelon Seeds and Strawberry Milk. that was my first piece and let me tell you i almost cried when i uploaded it. i didnt get a single note on it until 3 days later. now that was the scariest thing ever.

i didnt go looking for help, and i certainly didnt have a single tumblr friend. so i had to wait for my post to show up on the tags! turns out it didnt show up for 3 days!!!!! so if you get around to starting this blog, and would like me to read it ;) ill gladly give you exposure!! because i get it, that first piece is the hardest thing to upload. i was panicking to the point i was nauseous those entire 3 days when i wasn’t getting any attention from it because i thought it meant i was a failure at writing! so you have to be patient and be confident!!!! by day 4 my post had hit 20 likes and i literally messaged everyone who liked that first post because it was world changing to me. i honestly cried as i sent out my thank you’s and those first few likers and followers i remember their urls and im positive im following them all because they’re the ones who got me to say “maybe… my writings aren’t as bad as i thought!”

spurred into action by this new found courage i began working on ideas. i had two at the time, both for shouto (of course). and i got my first ask by ashtheteenagewitch (i wont tag her because i dont want to disturb her, but her ask changed my life). it was the childhood friends to lovers troupe, and it was the first post i made that hit over 100 likes. i sobbed when it broke 100. 

so it kinda,,,, snowballed from there. i started a schedule. i post once a day around 12 pm - 4 pm PST idk if any of you noticed that LOL. i tried going between original content and asks, something ive been lacking clearly on nowadays because i have so many requests! dont get me wrong, i love all the requests that come my way but i havent had time in awhile to write something that comes from me.  but again im not as creative as my requesters, love every single one of you requesters btw. you save me a lot of headaches and pain.

i made sure to create a rules list, and a masterlist soon after, and then i started getting attention i guess. since i primarily stayed within shouto in the beginning and i posted once a day when other writers are focused on other posts i must have gotten the “i just want new content” people liking my posts LOL

i dont know… i can’t say for certain what the trick is to all this…

you just… have got to be confident in yourself!

do what you love to do and your followers and readers will see that. pour your heart into it so that way no one can say it was for naught. never be discouraged, like i almost was, by lack of notes. because guess what! if youre happy writing, theres nothing else that matters!!!! nowadays i don’t even look at my notes because im proud of everything i put out.

im happy about every single one of the things i put out, my only fear is that the requester wont like it, but so far i haven’t heard back from too many of those anons… since theyre anon and wont be informed i finally got to their ask…. but yeah. 

write and post because YOU LOVE TO DO IT stop caring about stupid things like followers, likes, reblogs, and replies. i mean theyre great, i love every follower i get, i smile knowing i made a bunch of people happy, and i cry with every reblog i get. but getting that first like is all i need to be happy. nothing more. 

the final advice i can give to you is just,,, never compare your writing with other authors and writers. everyone has their own style! don’t get me wrong i can tag so many writers that i admire who all have different ways of writing that i wish i had, but the thing is no matter how much i wish i had their writing, i have to live with mine and i love my style even though i feel that it on the blander side of things! you also can never compare your number of notes to other people LOL of course the super incredible authors of our fandom are going to have 1,924 notes on their 1.7k scenario. why? because they first and foremost have the followers to get that amount and then people who may not follow them can still see it on the popular and read it and like it, or whatever they may do. i currently have like 650 followers so of course im not expecting 1.9k notes on anything im putting out! i mean my first piece had 20 notes for the entire month of august and now im pretty sure its at 100. its all about giving it time and patience.

just write bby and someone will love you for it!!!!!!

[pendragaryen]

Rewriting the stars -  The S5/Bellarke fanmix

- The way I see (and feel about) S5 of The 1OO

Over months and months I was drawing up this list, bc I just had the feeling to do so - for my own good. There were TOO MANY FEELS I had to work through concerning the last season. And so I developed this fanmix, which was only ever growing over the last couple of months. I wrote down my own thoughts to each and every song and why I was choosing it. But I think I’ll just leave it here with my thoughts concerning the timing/the person, moment or place I see them connected with. I had fun making this and I just wanted to share it at this point of the hiatus, bc it lasts waaaay too long. Can’t wait to see my bbs back on screen!

Beware of FEELS. A lot of them. But follow me folks, if you will, right down the rabbit hole of angst and excitement that was our season 5 of The 100. ;)

1. Afterglow (Bellarke, after S4, setting: Earth and space/the ring)

You left your ghost behind my door, it whispers you’ll be back for more, was it your intention to own and possess my soul? (C )

I got my days, I’m half alright, I found new things that make me smile, but then it hits me: They’re nothing compared to us (B)

Where are you now, who has my place? Hope when you kiss you see my face. No bad intentions, but I hope it’s not true love (C )

I threw our past against the wall, but I can’t wash your handprints off my soul. What the hell am I doing? Have I lost it all? (B)

I’m trying to make room for love but it’s crowded inside me. I know it’s time to let you go (B)

So won’t you come and get your ghost, your memory haunts me. I’m living on the afterglow (C )

2. All of the stars (Bellarke, after S4, setting: Earth and space/the ring)

It’s just another night and I’m staring at the moon, I saw a shooting star and thought of you

I wonder if you see them too

So open your eyes and see the way our horizons meet, and all of the lights will lead you into the night with me

And I know the scars will bleed, but both of our hearts believe, all of the stars will guide us home

3. Light years away (Bellarke, after S4, setting: Earth and space/the ring)

We only see it on the inside, imagine where it ever came from. Understand with all our insight, ‘cause what we see is already gone

The space between the systems, the space between you and me

The light in you that shines, so vast of its consistence, our life an instance in its time

Don’t you know we’re light years away...

4. It’s okay (Clarke Griffin/Bellarke, S5, after time-jump/six years later, setting: Earth, shallow valley)

I remember how you used to say ‘have no fear, it’ll be okay’, when you told me ‘anything you want is possible, we could have it all’

I believed in you, must have been a fool, all my dreams were with you

I say it’s okay, I can promise you it’s alright, you ain’t keeping me up all night no more. You’re not here but it’s okay, I assure you, babe, it’s alright, you ain’t keeping me up all night no more

5. Whatever it takes (Octavia/Blodreina/Wonkru, S5, setting: Earth, the bunker, “Red Queen”)

Everybody waiting for the fall of man, everybody praying for the end of times, everybody hoping they could be the one.

Break me down and built me up

Whatever it takes, ‘cause I love the adrenaline in my veins. I do whatever it takes, ‘cause I love how it feels when I break the chains

You take me to the top I’m ready for

6. Lovers on the sun (Bellarke, S5, setting: Earth, reunion, “Sleeping giants”)

Let’s light it up until our hearts catch fire, then show the world a burning light that never shined so bright

We never know what stands behind the door, but I got a feeling thats’s worth dying for

Just close your eyes and hold your breath, because it feels right. We’ll keep it moving until we make it to the other side

7. Delicate (Bellarke, S5, setting: Earth, Eligius-ship, reunion 2, “Pandora’s box”)

Is it chill that you’re in my head? ‘Cause I know that it’s delicate

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep, are you ever dreaming of me? Sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you’re mine all the damn time... ‘Cause I like you

We can’t make any promises now, can’t we, babe?

8. Hello heartache (Clarke Griffin/Bellarke/Becho, S5, setting: Earth, the desert, Becho reunion, “Shifting sands”)

I was stupid to think that I could stay

I seen your best sides, you got to see my worst. It’s not the first time, but this one really hurts, yeah this one’s gonna... It hurts...

Goodbye my friend, hello heartache, it’s not the end, it’s not the same

Do you know, do you care?

It’s not the end

9. In it with you (Clarke Griffin/Bellarke/Becho, S5, setting: Earth, the desert, after “Shifting sands”)

You took a blade, it went in deep, and it was tearin’ up inside you. Must’ve been sharper underneath, ‘cause there were scars I couldn’t undo.

What were you thinking? Why did you let go? I was still holding you. What were you thinking? Why didn’t I know when I was right there with you?

10. Dangerous (Zaven/Pirate mechanic, S5, setting: Earth, shallow valley)

I don’t know where the lights are taking us, but something in the night is dangerous.

And nothing’s holding back the two of us. Baby, this is getting serious.

11. Run (Clarke Griffin/Bellarke/Becho, S5, setting: Earth, the desert, Becho kiss 2, “Exit wounds”)

I sing it one last time for you, than we really have to go. You’ve been the only thing that’s right in all i’ve done

I can barely look at you

Light up, as if you have a choice. We’ll run for our lives.

I can hardly speak I understand, why you can’t raise your voice to say...

12. Scars to your beautiful (Clarke Griffin, S5, setting: Earth, after “Exit wounds”)

She don’t see the light that’s shining deeper than the eyes can find it. Maybe we’ve made her blind, so she tries to cover all her pain and cut her woes away.

There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark. You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are. And you don’t have to change a thing, the world could change its heart.

No better you than the you that you are

No better time for you to shine, you’re a star

Oh, you’re beautiful, you are beautiful

13. Hush (Bellarke/Becho, S5, setting: Earth, after “Exit wounds”)

I wanted to keep you forever next to me. You know that I still do and all I wanted was to believe.

When I try to forget you I just keep on remembering. What we had, it was so true and somehow we lost everything.

14. I don’t know why (Bellarke, S5, setting: Earth, Polis/the bunker)

Now I’m lost in us. We’re living in a lying trust.

I don’t know why, but I guess it’s got something to do with you...

15. In my life (Octavia/Blodreina/Bellamy Blake, S5, setting: Earth, Polis/the bunker)

Can’t believe the things you said. I turn my head and walk away. You make me sick, you make me nervous.

In my life I decide and it turns me on how I am, how I live, who I love. In my way I feel strong and it turns me on. In my life I decide, I decide...

16. Atlas (Bellamy Blake/Octavia Blake/Clarke Griffin, S5, setting: Earth, Polis/the bunker, “Acceptable losses” and “How we get to peace”)

Some saw the sun, some saw the smoke. Some heard the gun, some bent the bow.

Show me the way, Lord, ‘cause I’m about to explode.

Carry your world. I’ll carry your world and all your hurt...

17. Find you’re gone (Bellarke, S5, setting: Earth, Polis/the bunker, shallow valley, post “Sic semper tyrannis” aka “The Slap”)

There should be grief but I feel none. Trying to leave the night behind I hardly get my thoughts in line. But there is one thing I could say, it seems I’m glad I find you’re gone

18. Heart of misery (Clarke Griffin/Madi/Bellamy Blake, S5, setting: Earth, desert/the bunker)

I don’t want to feel anything today, anything at all, I’ll just be alone. I just want to know that you want to know.

I don’t wanna live through another day. Meaningless to fight for your sympathy, I just wanna drown in the heart of misery.

One life forgot to be

One heart refuse to beat

One love is incomplete...

19. Someone you loved (Bellamy Blake/Bellarke, S5, setting: Earth, the bunker, “The warriors will”)

I’m going under and this time I fear there’s no one to save me. This all or nothing really got a way of driving me crazy.

I need somebody to heal, somebody to know, somebody to have, somebody to hold. It’s easy to say, but it’s never the same.

But now the day bleeds into nightfall and you’re not here to get me through it all. I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug. I was getting kinda used to being someone you loved...

20. deSolate (Bellamy Blake, S5, setting: Earth, bunker/fighting pit) 

21. White flag (Clarke Griffin/Bellarke, S5, setting: Earth, shallow valley, “Damocles 1″)

I know I left too much mess and destruction to come back again. I caused nothing but trouble, I understand if you can’t talk to me again.

I will go down with this ship and I won’t put my hands up and surrender. There will be no white flag above my door.

I’m in love

and always will be...

22. You are (Bellarke, S5, setting: Earth, Eligius IV, “Damocles 2″)

If ever I wanted to run away, I’ll go only if you come with me. ‘Cause no-one can talk to my heart like you are.

I’d say you’re here in my heart, you’re in my heart.

You are my reason

You are the air I’m breathin’

23. O.k. (Bellarke, S5, setting: Space, Eligius IV, “Damocles 2″)

When I find myself in the middle, could you love me more just a little? Over-complicate, but it’s simple. Would you love me more, just a little?

So tell me now, when every star falls from the sky and every heart in the world breaks. Hold me now. When every ship is going down I don’t fear nothing when I hear you say: It’s gonna be o.k.

24. Someday (Bellarke, S5, setting: Space, Eligius IV, “Damocles 2″)

I believe we’ve come to where there’s no turning back

In a way I know that things have been going on for too long, it’s become too much

I’m not the one who walks away that easily. I try to believe in love

Someday, in another time and place, with a brighter, stronger flame, we’ll make it right. In some way there can be a miracle

I know that we can make it right...

25. Approaching lightspeed (The 100/Bellarke/Marper/All, time-jump/cryo-sleep, S5, setting: Space, Eligius IV, “Damocles 2″)

I try to breathe, I try to think of you. Don’t know if trying will do. The silence, a mirror, that breaks the lights in two.

We’ll discover what will make us free.

We’ll trying to stand where no-one dared to be.

When time stands still a moment lasts. We’re moving on, we’re flying fast, approaching lightspeed

26. Rewrite the stars (Bellarke, after time-jump, S5, setting: Space above the “New Earth”, Eligius IV, “Damocles 2″ Finale)

You're here in my heart So who can stop me if I decide that you're my destiny? 

All I want is to fly with you All I want is to fall with you So just give me all of you

Say that it's possible

How do we rewrite the stars? Say you were made to be mine Nothing can keep us apart 'Cause you are the one I was meant to find It's up to you And it's up to me No one can say what we get to be And why don't we rewrite the stars? Changing the world to be ours...

Insert Harper’s and Monty’s voices from the void:

Let’s show them how to live...

Be the good guys...

(And now I’m a crying mess... Thanks for staying with me, guys.)

~~~

I think that this’ll be a one time thing considering the amount of time and effort I brought up to create this and due to my job. But who knows: Maybe the new season is really kicking in and I’ll do something like that again. For now: That’s it, folks. I hope you guys like it - or maybe some parts of it. And bc I value your opions a lot I’m going to tag a few peeps I know from my notifications or who i admire and love from afar. (If you DON’T want to be tagged here, please let me know and I’ll delete your name again. ;) )

Thank you, fam! <3 <3 <3

@clarkgriffon, @katersann, @fyeahbellarke, @hereforbobmorley, @jasperjoordan, @raven-reyes-of-sunshine, @ringsabellamy, @sometimesrosy, @youleftme-clarke, @bellamywanheda100, @viviansternwood, @jordanjaspergreen, @lovethyblakes, @hostagetakerandhisgirlfriend, @clarkeywifey, @morleybobs, @clarkegriffintitties, @mimir-anoshe, @asroarke, @sly2o, @bellamyblake, @bellamynochillblake, @montygreen, @hostagetakerandhistraitor, @bellamys11thfreckle, @ricchardmadden and my beloved @merlination (no particular order)

[purecamp]

Hi, I have a question about your mamma mia au! Is Pat dead on Here I Go Again? Because I was thinking that if she passed away before higa, Sharon and Willam would attend the funeral right? Wouldn't Sharon bring Trixie too? Wouldn't Willam go talk to her and get suspicious about Trixie? Is this me subtly asking you to write an oneshot about it just because I'm not ready to let go of this universe and also wanting you to write more Shillam? 😂

ahaha anon this tickled me tbh. first of all thanks for the love (!!!), so i’ll try to answer in parts

-unfortunately she has passed before higa because she would be 113, which is possible but... unlikely ahaha -ive been debating this since waaaay before u asked me bc its something i thought about a lot, like would sharon bring trixie or not? would she even go? lots 2 think about, decisions decisions -i would write oneshots for you in a second. plz feel free to request them at any time omg

anyway, i guess i’m gonna give it a go here! 

She was a good age, Sharon knew that. Spritely in nature right up until her last moments, Patricia Belli passed away in her retirement home at the age of ninety six.

Her letter had arrived in the post; a short and not-so-sweet note letting Sharon know that if she received this letter, then she had died, and the nursing home staff had actually honoured her request of them to send it to her. Somewhat of a doting grandma - owing to the fact that Sharon had no idea what Pat would be to Trixie if she even was related - she had attached some plastic-wrapped sweets and lollipops.

God, this was going to be difficult. On top of having to close the hotel, at least for a day whilst she attended the funeral, Sharon was going to have to explain the concept of dying to her three-year-old girl, who thought the world was nothing but sparkles and sunshine.

And that was without slotting in time for her own grief. In four years, Pat had transformed Sharon’s life, and she owed her everything.

Times like these were when Sharon wished she had a little bit of help. She needed to cry and sniff and weep into somebody, to wallow in the horrible feeling of finally being alone in the world with herself as the only adult to rely on. She needed to continue working in order to stay alive, and keep her home paid for and her daughter fed. She needed to sit down and explain to Trixie than Nana Pat was gone, and she wouldn’t be coming back. She needed someone else to bundle her up for once and tell her it was all going to be okay.

“You alright?” Maria broke her out of her thoughts, tapping her as she went past behind the bar to fetch a few more bottles of ale.

Sharon grabbed a rag and continued drying up the glasses - Maria had offered to extend the hotel into her bar, meaning Sharon now managed a hotel and taverna in one. “Yeah, just... Can’t believe she’s gone, you know? I always felt like Pat was gonna live forever.”

Maria nodded. “It will be strange, we miss her around here. She was regular for many years at this taverna. Party held here after the service, in her honour.”

“She’d like that. Everyone getting drunk for her.” She sighed, her eyes filling with tears. “I don’t want to have to tell Trix. She’s only young, after all.”

Shrugging, Maria offered a kindly smile. “Brave and strong, like her mother. Even if teeny tiny.”

Despite her heavy heart, Sharon laughed.

---

“Mama! You’re here!”

The same cheerful greeting that Sharon was met with every afternoon came at her once again, lifting her low mood a little. A flurry of pink shot towards her, Sharon noting a smudge of blue paint on her face and some scuffs on her shoes from a day of playing before she was tackled in a huge hug.

“I’m here, little pumpkin. Did you have a good day?”

“The best!” Trixie trilled. “We did painting, and running, and I played dolls with Kimmy and Pearl showed me how to draw hearts!”

Ever-suffering, her preschool teacher was stood by the door to the classroom, her gaze tired but still warm as her last student clung to her mom. It wasn’t too often that Sharon was last to pick up her little girl, but it happened enough that she knew to just sit Trixie down with some colouring and leave her to it. Today, the grief had slowed Sharon down, and she was behind on most of her maintenance.

“Sounds fun! Now, are we walking out of here or is mama carrying you all the way home?”

Trixie took a moment to think about it, before smushing her face into Sharon’s neck. “Mama carries me home.”

Sharon sighed, figuring that she needed to keep Trixie happy if she was going to deliver such bad news. “Okay, just this once. Say bye bye, now!”

“Bye bye, Miss Coulée!”

Just Sharon’s luck, the walk was roughly long enough for them to discuss the subject. She was careful not to let her own emotions influence Trixie’s too much, knowing that a sobbing little girl would be much harder to console when she herself wanted nothing more than to break down in someone’s arms. Curious and a little confused, she asked a few questions which Sharon tried her best to answer, all while avoiding the term “Heaven”. It felt like she’d done an okay job, all things considered, but the fact that she had to do it alone meant she was more than nervous. This wasn’t going to traumatise her into therapy as an adult... she hoped.

“Will she miss me?”

Fuck, this kid was tugging at every single one of Sharon’s heartstrings. It didn’t seem possible that she had been the one to give life to something so goddamn cute.

“Nana Pat? I’m sure she will miss you, baby. And we’ll miss her, too.” Sharon took a deep breath. “But she’s still with us, isn’t she? Because we remember her, and we always have our memories.”

Trixie nodded thoughtfully. She had begged and begged to sit on Sharon’s shoulders, so now she idly played with loose strands of her hair, the messy bun practically ruined from the day’s work anyway.

“But she won’t come back because she’s too old.”

The child-like ability to make the most innocent and heartbreaking of things funny was one that Sharon hoped Trixie held onto forever. Even with her own heavy sadness, she giggled slightly.

“That’s right, bubba.”

A pause. “Are you sad, mama?”

Sharon nodded infinitesimally, trying not to trigger her tears. “Lots of people will be sad. When we go to the funeral on Saturday, there will be lots of sad people wearing black who all love Nana Pat very much. Will you promise me to be a really good girl and just sit quietly with me? We don’t want to disturb anyone.”

Trixie leaned forwards, pressing her lips to the top of Sharon’s head in an awkward, well-meaning kiss. “I’ll be good.”

---

She was golden. Sharon had done all her crying in the morning, before Trixie scrambled into her bed, and she was relieved at how easily her toddler had gone along with everything. Getting herself dressed had been a breeze; she even tried brushing her own hair, which was unsuccessful but nevertheless touching. Trixie then scampered off to play whilst Sharon got ready, giving her a few more moments alone.

Smoothing down her skirt, she examined herself in the mirror. An uncomfortable possibility had dawned on her that night, as she tried to sleep, and it made her unbelievably nervous. After all, he was her great-nephew...

She didn’t look that different than the day they met, surely? But yet, staring at herself, Sharon started realizing how little she resembled that girl already. Only four years had passed, near enough, and at twenty one and a mom, there was almost nothing to anchor this version of herself to the similarly-burdened yet unrealistically carefree seventeen-year-old that Willam had known.

Her hips were wider now, one of the few permanent modifications that Trixie had given her, and for all her low income meant a reduced diet, there was still the remains of a post-baby pouch that stubbornly remained. Black dresses were slimming, Sharon reminded herself, not that the rest of her needed it, but she hoped it was enough that if Willam did see her, he wouldn’t notice anything different.

That being said, he was a man. The little things didn’t matter. The living, squirming three-year-old, however...

Sharon sighed and relaxed, not bothering to try and suck in her stomach like she had before. Willam definitely wouldn’t notice it, he’d be too busy staring at Trixie. The human that he might’ve helped her create. That she had opted not to tell him about. Even though she had an easy way to do so via his now deceased great-aunt.

Fuck.

They made their way up to the little old chapel on the island in good time. Pat knew and loved her home more than anything, so relatives had been flocking from around the world to a tiny chapel on a tiny island out in Greece. It was a difficult walk, and with every step Sharon had to face that she really was in this alone now.

Not wanting to intrude in spite of her invite, Sharon slipped into a pew at the back and bowed her head, clutching Trixie in her lap as more of a comfort than anything else. Thankfully, as more and more people filed in, Trixie seemed to sense that her mama was upset, and quietly played with her flamingo teddy.

He was one of the last to walk in, of course - he would have to make an entrance. Swaggering in, his expression mostly calm, and his sheer confidence was highly inappropriate for a funeral and god if Sharon didn’t sound like her fucking mother. He was young and hot and the swagger seemed to be a Belli thing, because no one paid him any attention. Somewhere, whether in heaven or in her coffin, Sharon knew Pat was cackling with laughter.

And, of course, he just had to speak too. Sharon lifted her head a tiny bit to watch him, trying to ensure his gaze didn’t flicker onto her.

“So many kind things have been said about my dear great aunt today, and whilst it has warmed my heart I’m here to undo it all.” Willam started, filling the room with soft laughter. “Rest in peace, Granny Pat. You were old as fuck, but we’ll miss your rottenness. She had an ego bigger than mine and a liver bigger than Dad’s, and she was the life of the party. We love you, Pat.”

Everything about him was so familiar. Sharon tried not to think about it, but her mind was flooded with him. He didn’t look different at all, but she supposed LA had treated him well. Tanned and charming as ever, he seemed to woo his family as easily as he had seduced her into bed with him... or at least, that was how Sharon chose to remember it.

This was going to be a long day.

---

In all honesty, Sharon didn’t go out much anymore. It came with the territory of being a full-time parent and hotel owner-manager-chef-bartender-maid, but she was tired almost all the time. When Raja and Jinkx came over she made exceptions, but on a day-to-day basis, once Trixie was in bed, Sharon was exhausted from exerting herself to make sure she could even be finished and home in time for Trixie’s bedtime story. So, being out in the taverna in the late evening?

Unbearable.

As soon as everyone came in, Maria offered to take Trixie and keep her entertained behind the bar - which probably wasn’t the most responsible choice Sharon had made as a mom, but she knew Maria would take good care of her as she always did, and insisted she needed to mingle.

Mingling was the last thing on her mind, but she reluctantly grabbed a drink and tried to remain casual in a room full of strangers. After all, none of them knew who she was. None of them knew what Pat meant to her, and everything the daft old woman had done for her. None of them knew that without Pat, it was likely that her beloved daughter would’ve been given up for adoption and Sharon would’ve had to return home to her mother with her tail between her legs. Pat had made it possible for her to live, and as rough as it was, it was nice to be self-sufficient at twenty one.

“Hey! I thought it was you! Hi blondie!”

Sharon clutched her glass a little tighter and turned around slowly. “Forgot my name already?”

There he was, right next to her, having made his way across the room with bright eyes and a shiny grin. LA really had treated him well.

“You’re unforgettable, Sharon, don’t play me like that.” Willam teased. “Good to see you again. I knew goodbye wouldn’t last forever.”

Sharon scowled, but it didn’t last. “Hence why I said we wouldn’t have one.”

“Good point.” He gestured to her glass. “Vodka?”

She shook her head. “Just coke.”

“Pffft. Boring. Pat would want you to have some vodka. Or gin. Or both.”

Rolling her eyes, Sharon took a sip from her decidedly non-alcoholic drink. “I have responsibilities to take care of, I can’t just get drunk.”

As she spoke, her gaze went searching through the throng of people, praying Trixie wasn’t about to run over and squeeze her legs in a damning cuddle. To her relief, she was that she was balanced on Maria’s hip, happily giggling away with her out of Willam’s eyeline.

“We’re twenty one, Shar, and you haven’t seen me forever. Live a little!” Willam encouraged. “Seriously though, it’s good to see you. I didn’t know if you would still be here or if you still saw Pat around. It’s nice to see a face that I know she’d be happy to see, too. She hated most of the people here.”

God, the past tense. Sharon tried not to well up.

“You’re the only face here I know.” She admitted, her voice thick. “I feel a bit lost, honestly. If I didn’t have work, I’d be doing shots to loosen up.”

Willam laughed at that. “Right! I’m glad you know my face, at least. Familiar face, familiar arms, familiar chest, familiar d-”

“Stop!” Sharon shrieked, giggling in spite of herself. “Your great aunt has just died and you’re talking about our teenage sex? You’re disgusting.”

He shrugged. “I’m a Belli, it runs in the family. All this nonsense about her living to a ripe old age... please. She wasn’t ripe, she was rotten. It’s why we love her so.”

Sharon chuckled appreciatively. “I’m gonna miss her.”

“Me too. She’d be glad to see us brought back together, though.”

“Yeah. Although I’m not gonna sleep with you again.”

Willam’s laugh was a little too loud, attracting some disgruntled murmurs from surrounding family members. “Welp, there goes my weekend plans.”

It was surprisingly nice, talking to Willam. As much as Sharon had been terrified that the first topic of conversation would be them, and it would inevitably lead to a confession, they fell into a fleeting friendship as easily as they had four years ago. Determined to keep things light, Sharon steered away from her work or home life as they talked, but it was still nice to catch up.

That being said, she also kinda never wanted to see him again. Nothing personal, just... for Trixie’s sake, she had closed that chapter of her life and under no circumstances would she be reopening it. Not now, not in twenty years, not ever.

“I assume you’re breaking into stardom in Hollywood, right? I’ll be seeing you on movie posters?” 

He laughed. “A star is born, baby. Keep your eyes open. And you, are you taking to the stage now you’re away from your bitch of a mom?”

Sharon shook her head. “Nah. I don’t... I don’t have time anymore. And with the girls gone, too...”

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t need them. And we should sing together again sometime, too.”

At that, Sharon sighed. “There’s nothing keeping you here, Willam, not now she’s gone. We had fun, but... there’s no point holding onto that. I got over my exes, I have to keep living and so do you.”

Willam nodded. “A goodbye without a goodbye. I get it. It’s difficult, but we have to let go.”

Yeah, Sharon told herself. In more ways than one.

“It’s not a personal thing, you know I care about you as a friend-”

“I know.” Willam told her. “I care about you too. But I get it.”

He pulled her into a hug. “Needles, take care of yourself. You’re skinny, take advantage of the free food. Fall in love. Make music. Do things to make you happy. You deserve that.”

Speechless, Sharon could only nod as he held her. “I can tell you’re ready to leave, so I’ll say goodbye now. You’re a one of a kind, okay? Keep going, angel thighs.”

Pfft. The old parody nickname - trust Willam to remember that.

“Thank you, Willam.”

---

Trixie was fast asleep in Sharon’s arms. Her warm weight had settled comfortably into her as she walked home, and Sharon relished in the way her sweet daughter could fill her aching heart so perfectly. Her blonde curls were messy, just like her own were as a child, and she was completely tuckered out.

Her adorable girl had little outfits, a bedroom of her own and a roof over her head all thanks to the love and kindness of one foul-mouthed, gin-loving lady. As the sun started setting, Sharon realized she owed another Belli a lifetime of gratitude.

“Thank you, Pat.”

[thekaijudude]

Hey you know how you mentioned how Geed is essentially a Reionics and all that? Well here’s a rather interesting question, is it possible that Geed could quite possibly be the most powerful Reionics alive? I mean for most Reionics they were just given the genes that allows them to control Kaiju. But Geed was literally born with them and had years of aging to have the Reionics power in him to grow in strength. So yeah is it possible he could be the most powerful Reionics alive?

Hi!

Well this is an interesting question indeed but it actually brings up many plotholes in the UGL, the UGL Movie, the Geed series and the Geed Movie which makes it rather difficult to answer this question.

For one, we know that Geed is essentially 99% (Reionyx) Belial, and Riku himself is 19 years old. Considering that 1 Ultra year is the equivalent of approximately 328 Human years, a 19 year old Ultra (in human years) is approximately barely even a month old in terms of Ultra age (I did the math).

So here’s the first conundrum if you wanna talk about the ‘maturity’ of the reionics genes,

Is Riku barely a month old, or is he 19 years old?

Secondly, there was no clarification if Reionics where born with the Reiblood genes or were bestowed with them. In addition, there’s no canon basis on whether if a ‘Reionyx by birth’ is stronger than a ‘Reionyx by bestowing’. And it gets more complicated than that as we have the core of Alien Reiblood’s spirit possessing Belial which is another unknown result.

And heck, even if we say that Geed is 19 in Ultra years (approximately 6000 years old in human years), Belial was possessed by the core of Reiblood’s spirit for waaaaaay longer than that.

Cause we can see from the flashback in the UGL movie when Belial first returned to the LoL to enact his revenge, Ultra Father has not grown his sideburns out yet back then. And since Ultras start to grow facial hair at the age of at least 40 000 years old (in human years), with Ultra Father being around 160 000 years old right now (in human years), this means that if we assume that Ultra Father was 40 000 years old in that flashback, this means that Belial was the host to the core of alien Reiblood’s spirit for more than 120 000 years! (aka 365 human years)

But then of course there is obvious continuity error that everyone keeps pointing out that Zoffy was also part of the flashback but he’s only currently around 25 000 years old, but at least we can agree that Belial had Alien Reiblood’s spirit for waaaay longer than Geed.

(Note that im not brining the Giga Finalizer into this answer as it has not shown to display any Reionics abilities until proven otherwise)

(Tho u could extrapolate this argument and say that Belial himself did not summon any kaiju despite having the Giga Battlenizer which is very valid. But lets remember that Belial’s reionics abilities was so severely nerfed that it was virtually non-existent which is one of the results of Geed having failed to deliver its own hype as the ‘Son of Belial’ which resulted in much more bullshit than this which ive covered waaaay too many times. But lets be honest, if Belial had access to Beryudora along with Atrocious, who could beat him at that point in time at ep 25?)

(But Belial did reference Reiblood as he said that he was utilizing one of Reiblood’s abilities to fuse kaiju together to create the Belial Fusion Beasts but that literally it, he literally had a doomsday weapon that was the Giga Battlenizer and not even once he used it for its main purpose ffs)

Furthermore, we have not even seen Geed using the any of his reionics abilities to use what its meant to be used for, which is controlling monsters.

With all the unknowns we have to deal with, we still don’t know what Kei made up that last 1% with for Geed’s DNA which could be the reason why Geed was not/did not display the characteristics of a Reionyx besides that Berserk mode.

Thus, based on feats (Reionics Ability-wise) along with all the other factors, the plotholes from UGL and Geed I have mentioned, Belial stands to be the strongest Reionyx second to probably Alien Reiblood himself. Geed I would say is a capable Ultra, but not a capable Reionyx.

Thanks for the question!

[eunsangf]

omg i was tagged by @ethnicgf @skaterjae @spaceboy-jun @melonmark (nd i think more im sorry i. forgot akdbd ilu anyw) to do my top 9 albums of 2018! hi im late AKSJA

1. The Pains of Growing by Alessia Cara: I’ve recently fallen in love with this album! idk wht drew me to it but i absolutely adore her voice nd this album. stole my fuckgign heart !

2. We Go Up by NCT DREAM: This album was literally amazing and i absolutely adore it and the amount of times ive cried listening to dear dream is definitely waaaay too many! overall though this album was amazing tbh

3. Sweetner by Ariana Grande: Recently there’s been a lot going on about her but, i’m not going to lie and say i don’t listen to it,,,,it was really good and it was calming to listen to but also songs like god is a woman really left me feeling? powerful?? in a sense if that makes sense

4. Poet | Artist by Jonghyun: This album was literal gold and I love it! It came out and it was all i listened to every morning when class started i just plugged my headphones in and listened to it while i got my things together and it really got me through a lot of struggles im definitely thankful for it

5. Blooming Day by EXO CBX: Not gonna lie, but when this album came out I didnt have the opportunity to listen to it all in one go like I usually do so I decided to listen to it one song a day, like how it had monday blues blooming day, thursday I just listened to the song that corresponded to whatever day of the week! that was fun akdhsk

6. The Perfect Red Velvet by Red Velvet: i’m gonna Cheat!!!! here it is!!! look i love this album so much my fave red velvet song is off of it? About love??? yes. thank u for ur time thats all i love :(

7. The Story of Light by SHINEE: i dont know why you’re here if you don’t know why this is on here LMFAO sorry i dont mean that in a bad way just shinee are kings and this album made me cry so much im in love and its with shinee

8. FACE by Key: UHM???? read the sentence as the first one god i love this man so much snd this album was literally amazin g im so in LOVE MUAH that a man right there

9. VOICE by Onew: This is a SHINEE love blog only i fuckgin love onew SO much and this album. literal tears wow it means a lot to me in ways i cant explain but here :0