#ive had that specific scenario in my mind for like a few days now!!! and ive been dying to put it down somewhere!! augh

[the-s1lly-corner]

not sure if you have done something like this before but can you do one where the reader is the type to call everyone pet names? Kind of like Caine does, like "my dear", "darling", stuff like that

TADC cast x reader who calls them pet names!

ooouuugh characters who call people names of endearment habitually my beloved <33 gotta be one of my favorite genres of character; side eyes itward and dick knubbler and caine unrelated to everything im so mad it took me so long to listen to psycho teddy ive literally had it on loop all day and yesterday while i write RAAAAAAAH romantic leaning by the way! though some can be platonic if you squint, i think!!

CAINE:

honestly i think caine only calls people endearing names platonically and on occasion, but i think you calling him the same style of names it makes his habit more prevalent. i think the first time you call him something like dear, hon, or darling, he kind of does a double take. i mean, hes always the one saying names, but hes never really... been the one on the receiving end... now im not sure if you wanted this to be platonic or romantic, but i think regardless of which this one is; caine loves it and makes it known. you guys experiment to see which names are his favorite eheeh

POMNI:

i think it would take her some time to get used. i think the main reason she didnt really react to caine calling her those names was due to the shock, just to add some explanation for this post in particular on why she didnt seem to mind... i think if there were any names that made her uncomfortable, she would let you know! does eventually embrace it and probably asks if somethings wrong if you call her by her actual name

RAGATHA:

honestly i can easily see ragatha using terms of endearment for those shes close to (like in a general sense, not just familial or romantically) and i can also see her being a huge fan of being called them! i dont think shes been bold enough to ask to be called them, though, so when you just call her dear and love shes over the moon! probably makes a matching name for you! you become to darling to her dear, the bear to her honey, the sweetheart to her sweetpea, and so on and so forth. i just think... that would be really sweet... you know?

JAX:

calls you a really dumb name in response; like shnookums or something within that ballpark. honestly i think it depends on how you say it, when you say it, and how close you guys are when you call him any endearing name. personally i dont think jax likes public affections, since he kind of views it as vulnerability.... at least when hes on the receiving end. bro is weird like that, you know? only lets you call them any of those names behind closed doors.... thinks... surprises you one day by calling you a normal nickname... since usually its the above example or something completely out of no where like. "Mesopotamia" or "20 ton semi truck carrying 720 thunder fucking pounds of freight" or something just as hyper specific

KINGER:

oh i think he would love it a lot! probably calls you a name back in response, perhaps even one that matches; similar to what ragatha does! maybe its because hes old and he gives off nice dad/grandpa vibes, i can see him calling people that he cares about names of endearment (hes only 48)

thinks... though i do think he pauses the first time trying to process what you just called him.. takes him a few seconds before realizing. kind of like the "oh IM pretty boy!" audio but replace pretty boy with any name

ZOOBLE:

i think zooble is the only one who doesnt like endearing names; like i think in a romantic sense they would like it but only really like babe/baby, and not much else... very picky with what they do like, at least for this instance. definitely going to take some experimenting to see what sticks and what doesnt. funny little scenario but imagine sitting with them trying to find something they like and you call them something absolutely abhorrent, perhaps something akin to the "pookie bear with whipped cream and sprinkles on top" meme but WAAAAAY over the top and zooble just. "absolutely not."

not too mean to harsh with rejecting any names, though. but they are blunt about what they do and dont like

GANGLE:

honestly if this isnt romantic and this is platonic, she sees it the same way as when an older lady calls you a sweet name,... you know? does the ^w^ she does in her character intro short thing, me thinks, whenever you call her any name. very shy and sheepish about calling you any names in return, give her some time shes trying to hype herself up so she can return the same energy! only really likes it when you call her those endearing names, i fear that SOMEONE is going to tease her for it... poor girl.... explodes jax with my neurodivergant brain

[elephant-in-the-pride-parade]

Fic Author Questions

@curator-on-ao3 thank you for tagging me in this new set of fic author questions! I had a lot of fun answering. ❤️

1. Why do you write fanfic?

I guess I stuck with it and stayed inspired largely because ive found really wonderful communities in fanfiction, whether its coming together to share in one beautiful AU story or different iterations of canon or just experiencing the joy of writing together. and having those communities has sustained me through some very isolated years and have been overall a positive experience in my life. ive made really wonderful friends through fanfic.

But I can't deny that I got into fanfic because my brain just fixated on one story and i had the overwhelming urge to put it on paper and so a smaller motivation is that there continue to be stories like that that motivate me to keep writing fic.

2. Which of your posted stories do you think about the most, even though the story is “finished”?

I guess just by virtue of planning the sequel at the moment, I think about and reread Unbroken alot

I have also had the Universe to Mend in my mind since last year and keep coming back to the two versions of Janeway i explored in that and where I left the two of them. and thinking about the other characters too: Mortal Q and Captain Chakotay and Stadi/Tuvok and where they might wind up next.  I have a few ideas for what might come next so I suspect there's at least one sequel on the horizon somewhere.

3. If you could give yourself fic advice from when you first started writing fic, what would that advice be?

Deadlines help you set goals and motivate yourself, but you don't owe them to your readers.

4. What’s your relationship to fic stats?

So, and this has been a very good thing for my self esteem and general mental health, working with data all day has made me really ambivalent about my story stats. They're interesting and useful when I have a specific question I want to answer with them but the rest of the time I no longer pay much attention to them.

The stats that I do focus on are all things I measure - timeframe to chapter/story completion, average words per chapter, total word count. Those help me set realistic expectations for myself and help me work on my goals of having healthy writing habits and writing more concise stories.

5. Is there a pairing or scenario or friendship you miss writing? If so, why? If not, why not?

I miss writing Threshold AU!!!!

I want to again and will again, but having had like... negative amounts of writing time this summer and being fixated on a new long story, lots of others have taken a backseat. i really miss the cameraderie of writing threshold au stories and the freedom and joy I get from working with that really original fresh premise - it frees me to experiment and be a bit more imaginative. im sad i havent had time for it in a while.

6. What motivates you to write?

A story takes up residence in my head and its beautiful and tempting and I cannot rest until I have delved in and explored it. Thoroughly.

7. Why do you write for the fandom(s) that you write for?

communities and friendships do a lot to help keep me inspired, both while continuing old longstanding stories and developing new ideas. and ive found this with Sailor Moon and Star Trek. I doubt i would be as prolific in either fandom without those communities.

8. If you’re stuck writing a WIP, what do you do?

I shove it in the back somewhere and work on other things until ive figured out what I dont like about it thats got me stuck. sometimes it works out that I just need a better idea of where the story is going. and then the story gets finished. and sometimes i find myself realizing the premise is a good one but the execution isnt.  and then if ive already started posting it, i put it in my "Under Review" collection (an unrevealed AO3 collection only I can see) and figure out if i can rework the story from the ground up or if it isnt going to get finished. I've got 3 in there right now.

9. What do you wish people knew about comments?

That it is actually a huge boost in inspiration to get a nice one. and that it's okay to leave short ones.

10. Maybe there’s a question you wish had been on here. What’s that question (and answer)?

My write in question: Do you create or want to try other types of fanworks?

Just for me i make playlists for characters to help inspire me for fics. sometimes i dabble in fanart. drawing is always really relaxing.

im also facinated by bookbinding. it looks like a really fun physical craft to build even if it looks complicated. i'd love to learn more about how it works.

A lot of my people i usually tag are tagged already so If you want to respond with your own please do!

[schizosupport]

Hi!! I dont know where else to go but im suspecting i may be on the schizo spectrum? Or at least just wondering way too hard. And i have no where to look into more trustworthy specifics besides brief nformation about the common disorders (that i dont really think i fit into at all btw but then again im undiagnosed with everything so im forced to rawdog it and come to conclusions on my own) and no where to find information about specific symptoms that can be overlooked as "normal behavior"

I have psychosis and its been like this since 2018, slowly growing, getting more intense i guess especially during a traumatic event that happened a few years ago *really* increased my delusions. Thats the only primary thing i experience i believe, but now looking back i am unsure if i experience some level of hallucinations as well like thinking im seeing flies n such fly around me trying to bother me or bugs crawling near me in the corner of my eye. Though it may be because im sleepy or something as i like to stay up a lot! And maybe because ive dealt with annoying flies one too many times that im just paranoid abt dealing w them now.

this thought has been on my mind for a while (mainly speaking in terms of hallucinations) but recently i saw a post on twitter about someone asking if other people "have intense fear of monsters or the dark" before going into deph about how her brain is constantly afraid of her life will turn into a horror movie. Like "what if a zombie breaks into my house" and her brain imagining scary scenarios that genuinely terrify her when she does anything. And reading that sounds very familar to something ive experienced even to this day, esp if im alone at night or alone n looking into another room thats dimly lit.

I really do understand her fear of closing her eyes n seeing scary scenarios. Ive noticed ive weirdly been seeing stuff too, mainly faces and eyes that i would see when watching analog horror and it *really* terrifies me and makes me think that ive somehow spawned it in real life (esp if i think about it too much)

Sorry if this is too long. I normally do this when im rly stumped abt whatever brain thing i got n no google search can help me. I guess im just lookimg for some insight. Thanks! <3

"Also forgot to clarify that the person is recently discovering/coming to terms with that shes schizospec too so thats why upon reading that im pretty much going "....huh!" Bec this implies this may not be normal (i mean of course not but. Never really bothered to say or think anything about it until now)"

Hi there anon! I'm glad you're reaching out, and I hope I can help you a little on your way!

What you're describing, intense fear of hypothetical scenarios and "closed eye hallucinations" are both things that I can definitely relate to as constants in my life. I don't have enough information from just this ask to say whether your experiences are full blown delusional/psychotic, but regardless, it sounds like it's taking a toll on you, and have been getting worse. It's common for this type of experience to worsen with stress, so it's no wonder it worsened when you were going through something traumatic.

When I first talked to a psychiatrist about some of my beliefs, they wrote something that I later found kind of interesting, that some of my beliefs were like those of a scared child. As if I had never quite learned how to regulate that type of fear and my imagination would get the better of me. I don't know if your experience is anything like that, but from the way you described it, I thought that might be relatable to you.

The line between fear, anxiety and psychosis can be hard to define. One thing I've learned is that most people with "pure anxiety" are not having anxiety about bizarre or paranoid things, but about more mundane matters that have been blown out of proportion. But obviously there's variability. But I remember when I met my partner of now... 9 years ...? I wasn't diagnosed with anything yet, and we were both like "yeah I have anxiety" and thought we knew what the other meant by that. And then they were confused when I was like "yeah I'm anxious that the spirit of the lamp will steal my soul, and that people are putting poisoned coins in public spaces". But like the anxiety was similar, it's just that the things I was anxious about were odd, I guess.

Anyways, I'm rambling, sorry!

About the images you get when you close your eyes, that is most often described as a type of intrusive thought, and I've also heard people call them "closed eye hallucinations". I get icky and scary images like this sometimes, and it can be really distressing.

I hope your symptoms don't get worse, and I hope you can feel at ease knowing that no matter the exact cause or name, you are definitely not alone with having these experiences, and they are common experiences for people on the schizospec and people with some other related difficulties.

And if you find that you relate to the schizospec experience, there's space enough for everyone, and you are welcome here. Even if you don't fit any specific disorders or you conclude that your symptoms are "sub-clinical" or more related to something else, I believe in an open door policy and I think anyone with this type of experience can benefit from spending time in/with the community, and can bring unique insights to the table themselves.

I don't know if I'm making any sense, I'm super tired today, but yeah that's my two cents I guess ^^

Edit: It might give you some insight to look into other symptoms associated with the schizo-spec, like negative symptoms, cognitive symptoms and ipseity disturbances :) I think that will give you a stronger idea of whether you are likely to relate to most of us 🌼

[fazeruined]

@curseofbreadbear said: [How could he have forgotten his superstar's birthday? This paradox had rattled around in his nonexistent head ever since they arrived at the Daycare -- the attendant greeted her with an over-enthusiastic "happy birthday!", and all at once, the realization crushed him. It was her birthday. He hadn't remembered.] [This was unprecedented for ANY animatronic, let alone a Freddy. He was specifically programmed to remember these things. Birthdays were precious holidays; he adored contributing to those smiling faces and cheery celebrations, singing the Fazbear birthday song, and helping the little ones blow out the candles. Out of all of his lost memories, this was affecting him the most...but he had no time to panic.] [While Cassie's injuries were being examined by the attendant, Freddy rushed to prepare a birthday celebration for her -- no matter how crummy or minuscule. Anything to make up for his error.] [When she got back, Freddy had a shabbily-assembled birthday party in order for her, complete with a banner and a mangled present (alas, the one in his chest cavity was all he had). As he sensed her arrival, he greeted her with a typical wave, then hummed the Fazbear Birthday song for her...the same way he did when they'd met. It didn't feel like enough, but he hoped his sentiment would shine through.] -prototype freddy!! this scenario has been rotting my brain since i typed it out in the tags ksfdjkfsjk (note: ive Officially decided that the present in his chest cavity is a glamrock freddy figure that's been so crushed and mangled that it looks exactly like him :'))) happy birthday cassie you get a proto freddy figure!!)

To be fair, Freddy shouldn't be able to remember something he didn't know in the first place. And also to be fair, Cassie herself wasn't actively remembering it either.

With everything that's been going in her life, her birthday was like the very last thing on her mind if at all... And she's grown to stop seeing much of a point in celebrating it, too. She had no one to celebrate it with, and in the grand scheme of things, it was just another day in her life...

And the one person left she thought would be someone who'd show up to a party for her... tried to KILL her.

Now her one only friend was a broken, headless robot.

With their team-work back in Fazerblast, they managed to salvage a stroller-- its hood was completely gone and it had a few holes, but after (un)twisting and straightening its wheels back, it was perfectly usable for what they needed: A means to take Cassie without requiring her walk on her badly injured body, and Freddy not having to constantly worry about hurting her with his hazardous casing while carrying her, and also they didn't need to separate.

Luckily for them, even in his broken state, Freddy was still perfectly strong and capable to clear a path for them to reach the Daycare despite the ruined condition of the now abandoned PizzaPlex.

After knocking on the big (faux?) wooden doors, they were greeted by the more harmonious and stable form of the Daycare Attendant known as Eclipse, brought forth after Cassie'd rebooted them. While friendly and happy to be visited again by the birthday girl and her friend, his first action would have been politely turning them away because "he wasn't finished cleaning the Daycare so it wasn't fit for visitors yet," but the moment he set eyes on Cassie he detected her injured state, and that obviously took priority in his programming.

Engaging his safety mode, Eclipse let both in, while also taking over the duty of tending to Cassie's injuries, which allowed Freddy time to 'chill' in the Daycare.

Eclipse wound up having to use a lot of anti-septic to clean out Cassie's injuries then bandage her up, and lastly give her some medicine, mostly painkillers and some anti-inflammatory. The medicine made the girl drowsy as they kicked in, on top of her being already fatigued from her 'journey'. The Daycare still had all the good stuff stored such as blankets, pillows and sleepbags, so Eclipse easily egged her on into sleeping-- her body did need the rest to help recovery, after all.

That would give Freddy time to prepare his surprise.

And he wouldn't get to do it alone! After Cassie had been put to sleep, Eclipse wound up checking on him and what he was doing next. While he still had 'cleaning' to do, he was more than glad to help the headless bear set up a birthday party for the girl, especially if she wouldn't have any otherwise.

Along with Freddy's preparations, Eclipse'd set up a small child table with small child chairs, some with (dirty but otherwise okay) plushies of the main band sitting on to make it seem like they'd showed up to the party, and set at the center of the table one of those cupcakes from the Bakery (one of the only things left in the PizzaPlex that was still edible thanks to the absurd amount of preservatives the company would put into them,) even though it would still taste stale but it was better than nothing, and they could stick a candle on it, too.

Alas, he should make the Daycare look more presentable for a party! So after his additional help setting it up, Eclipse once again dove into his duty of cleaning the place, letting Freddy to watch over the party site, and likely greet Cassie in it once she woke up.

■■■

She'd sleep for a few hours, and would wake up feeling reasonably better thanks to Eclipse's help and the medicine-- she was still kind of slow to walk but it was better than before. Eclipse could be heard off in the distance here and there as he continued trying to clean the Daycare, so first thing she thought was where is Freddy?

" Freddy? " She slowly walks around the dulled but still colorful play place trying to locate her friend, until she finds him in another area of the Daycare. " Oh, there you are. I got a bit worried when I woke up and didn't know where you were. "

She registered the preparations as she walked closer, at least able to tell this area wasn't like that before she slept. " Freddy...? What is this...? "

Freddy's hummed birthday song was what sold the whole thing for her, and for the first moment, Cassie was borderline speechless. " Freddy, all this... Did you do all this for...? " Her birthday. It's her birthday.

And the broken bear was the single only one who remembered (well, Eclipse and Roxy did too.)

And he not only remembered, but he also tried to do something about it, which given everything else such as their current situation, was honestly impressive.

Cassie felt her throat swell and her chest tighten with a wide array of different emotions together which she couldn't clearly put a finger on, but they felt strongly. " F- Freddy... " She tries swallowing down a imaginary lump in her throat, feeling herself tearing up at the corner of her eyes.

It's a little sudden, but she couldn't keep herself from wrapping her arms around Freddy's waist to pull him into a bit of a bear-hug (or as close to it without risking further injuries.) Even if it was small and shabbily-assembled, it meant the world for her. It really did.

" Th- thank you, Freddy... Thank you... "

[starkissedblade]

long thing

most daydreaming ive done in my life has lowkey sucked ass because my imagination can be very brief/dull/if it’s actually any good it’s extremely short lived and easily forgettable. i haven’t been able to picture my higher/highest expectations. or feel them. so i haven’t had any sort of substantial daydreaming in a long time, it doesn’t go anywhere that actually really feels good/worth my time. in the last few days though i haven’t been able to handle how my life has played out so ive been daydreaming this specific scenario where my soul transmigrates? to the last day of fourth grade and i can actually live my life from there. and then also someone else (a specific person) is in the same situation as me too so im not alone and we at least become comrades in arms or something lol. its like heaven on earth. even though ive never wanted to go back in time to relive my childhood before, and i always thought i’d rather die lmao. why am i coping this way!!!!! it’s like ive hardly been present the last few days too. there’s a shade of me in the “current moment” and im vicariously living through little moments i conjure up in my mind. i know that just sounds like the definition of daydreaming but it just feels desperate 😭 like i was so fucked up last night that i deleted all my nudes off my phone just in case i d13d in my sleep and woke up in my little daydream scenario 😭 is it sui ideation if it’s actually just about living a different way?? lmaoo. anyway who knows if my smooth brain will even keep doing this now that ive typed it down. i’ll probably forget it like i do so many other things

[potatobugz]

opening untitled google doc #7592 so I can attempt to write something again but ultimately never finish it

[coughloop]

(screenshotting all of this to condense it a little)

I really appreciate the time and effort you put into writing all this and it feels like you sent this in actual good faith unlike a lot of the messages ive gotten the last couple days so I'm going to try to respond and talk through my feelings about it in as well thought out a response as I can (although i am not always the most succinct with my conclusions). My apologies if i contradict anything I've said in the last couple of days but im going to try to express where i am, at this moment in my understanding of cnc and everything else thats been talked about.

putting this under a read more cause it got really long

First off, I want to clarify that the stuff I have REALLY been disgusted with that has come out in the last few days has been 4 main groups:

1. the people that have made public their pedophilic fantasies, and the fact that you can point to people in these circles that have groomed minors in the past or are actively doing it right now.

2. the people posting about their fantasies of sexually abusing family members and strangers alike (which i realize now is seperate from cnc fantasies).

3. the people fantasizing about raceplay (which is just straight up getting off to racism).

4. the people who have defended any of these things either by doing so directly or by going out of their way to spread misinformation about what the original callouts were about to downplay what was originally said and what people were so disgusted by and to make it sound like people were just freaking out because some trans women on this site are "having sex that puritans dont like" (seriously if you're in this group and were part of shifting the narrative, fuck you)

Second, I agree with the disclaimed you sent afterwards. After having a talk with my partner and reading a couple blog posts about what cnc is, I think I had a different understanding of what it can be, and I think i had a very specific, negative image in my mind of what the average CNC scenario actually is. I realize it is probably more of a spectrum with space to play in (like consensual use of rope play or pushing someone against a wall because you both like the feeling, both things i have tried and enjoyed to some degree) could arguably be considered CNC while both parties can be made to feel completely safe through the entire experience.

I do not personally think going as far as actually roleplaying a rape scenario sounds healthy at all. I feel like that is the time in a consensual sexual encounter most likely to be misused by someone with an imbalance of power and safety to pressure someone into a situation they can very quickly dislike and feel unsafe in (like the anonymous message I got earlier about someone else with experience in CNC).

I also know that I am not the sex police and while certain things happen behind closed doors I myself am not comfortable with, if two consenting adults can be comfortable with the scenario that's really no skin off my back, and genuinely I really dont care if I dont have to hear about it (disclaimer this does not apply to raceplay behind closed doors because while two adults may consent to it or whatever, they are actively engaging in racism and rationalizing it into a fetish that further hurts and demeans people of colour in the consenting adults eyes and its just really fucking racist listen to black people and dont fucking do that shit GOD).

To sum up, i dont actually think cnc has to be inherently abusive though i do believe more than all other kinds of consensual sex, it has the easiest leap to get there if partner's dont listen to eachother or try to push boundaries the other is not comfortable with. I think actual full on rape play sounds horrendous and bad and i dont think people should do it but i literally have no way of stopping them if theyre doing it behind closed doors. I think pedophiles and abusers should rot because i know how miserable they make the lives of their victims and fostering it in your community even if you claim you would never act on it or its all just edgy jokes or whatever is a horrible way to live and you need to get better and im going to block you and maybe warn people about you if i see you doing those things.

I hope this all made sense and I didnt ramble too much, i genuinely appreciate you sending your message because it helped me take a step back and think more about what exactly i am upset about and I hope this response is helpful for you too.

[kookingtae]

falling into you (pt. 8) PREVIEW

pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3 | pt 4 | pt 5 | pt 6 | pt 7

→scenario: Jungkook’s innocence is like a breath of fresh air in your wild life, and though you know you’re toxic for him, you just can’t seem to stay away.

→genre: college au, slow burn, mutual pining, shy/nerd jk + bad girl oc (mature themes)

→a/n: so i’m not finished with pt 8 yet, since it’s such a climactic chapter it’s taking a bit longer than i anticipated unfortunately BUT i dont want u guys to think ive forgotten about it!!! i know u all are waiting so patiently, and i cannot thank you enough from the bottom of my heart <3 i hope this preview keeps you excited for what’s to come!

Jungkook could never face Y/N again.

God, how could he, knowing that he’d not only finished in five minutes like a pubescent teenager, but also in his pants while she was on top of him?

Embarrassment didn’t even begin to describe the mortification he felt. He’d never wanted the earth to swallow him whole as much as he did in that moment. Sure, he was aware of his slight social anxiety, the way he was constantly looking to bolt from uncomfortable situations—but this was different entirely. This was new territory for him; he’d never done anything remotely sexual with someone else, period, much less with the girl who hung the stars, moon, and sun in his eyes. What was he supposed to do? There was nowhere to escape to in his own bedroom, no running away from his problems that made him uncomfortable. No, he had to stand there with his head down and his crotch dripping wet while he practically begged her to leave. He had never been so ashamed of himself. He had never felt so pathetic.

But then Y/N surprised him like she never failed to do: she’d given him reassurance, another kiss even, while telling him that she actually enjoyed the experience—went so far as to say it was the best in her life. Now he knew she was lying to spare his feelings. Of all the men Y/N had been with, there was no way a virgin cumming untouched in his pants was the best of them. She was cruel to make him believe otherwise, to give him false hope.

He wouldn’t allow himself to think any differently. He couldn’t allow himself to get hurt.

Which was why he made it his mission to avoid her at all costs—something he’d gotten very good at over the past few months, and the past few weeks, specifically.

But in the same way he’d learned from the patterns of her daily routine and used them as a means to remain hidden, she’d also learned his and utilized them to her advantage as well. It was the only explanation as to how he was turning a corner inside the art building (about to take the rear exit, since she usually waited for him out front) and suddenly she was standing right in front of him.

He instantly skidded to a halt, heart rate shooting to astronomical levels and eyes widening on their own accord. “Y-Y/N,” he stuttered out involuntarily, the sight of her causing every single detail of their time spent together to come rushing back to him like a tidal wave ready to wipe him out.

As if he needed another excuse to think about the moment they shared that had changed him forever, about the way her moans sounded in his ear and her body felt on his lap and the way she touched his cheek, his neck, the way her lips felt on his skin, god help him—

Already he could feel the beginnings of a blush start to rise to his suddenly hot cheeks, and he cleared his throat and shifted his weight from one foot to the other to keep from springing yet another boner in front of her.

He slid his books in front of his waist, just in case.

While she usually approached him with the natural ease of self-confidence and charm, today she seemed worried, unsure. She chewed at her lower lip—something he didn’t think she really ever did, as he would certainly remember the way it stirred within him—and looked up at him beneath delicate lashes that framed her eyes.

He didn’t have it in him to keep from outright staring at her beauty.

“I… I missed you,” she finally murmured, and he felt the breath physically whoosh from his lungs to join his butterfly-filled stomach all the way at the floor.

It had been a few days since he’d last seen her, since she’d been in his room that night where they opened up about their past and confessed how they truly felt about one another and shared the most life-altering moment he’d ever experienced. He missed her too, god he missed her. He missed everything about her the moment she left his side—would picture her face in his mind as soon as she left his field of vision. But for some reason unknown to him, she was too kind to him, spared his feelings despite knowing what little experience he had. There was no way he’d be able to satisfy a girl—mentally, physically, emotionally—who could have anyone she wanted. Perhaps she pitied him. Either way, if she wouldn’t put a stop to it, then he would.

Or so he’d try, but alas, nothing ever went according to his plans where Y/N was concerned. And here she was, three simple words mumbled into existence and he couldn’t even remember his own name, much less why he’d been trying to fight this.

She seemed to expect he would say nothing—either that or she’d grown used to his silence—because before he had enough sense in him to even think about responding, she was speaking again. “How have you been?”

The question was asked with deliberate, genuine curiosity and concern; she really wanted to know if he was okay, how he was handling things after what had transpired between them. And no matter how hard Jungkook tried to fight this, fight her, fight himself, he was only human.

And so he stopped fighting.

“I– I missed you too,” he breathed out, and it was like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders and relocated to his gut. He tensed at his confession, mentally berated himself for his words even though she’d been the one to say them first. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, what with the way his throat locked up.

Though the second he witnessed the smile that sprang to her tantalizing lips, he felt as light as a feather floating in the breeze.

“You did?” Her eyes lit up, sparkled under the fluorescent hallway lights that still managed to capture all of her beauty despite the unflattering lighting. He didn’t think it was possible for any scenery, not even that of a dull and stuffy university building, to make her appear any less breathtaking than she always was.

“I was so worried after I left last week,” she continued without prompt. The mention of his premature finish had him stiffening in dread, though she didn’t let enough silence fester between her words for the anxiety to claw its way up his throat. “I didn’t want you to beat yourself up. I’ve noticed you tend to be too hard on yourself sometimes.” She glanced up at him with the hint of a sheepish grin dancing on her lips.

Her expression said it all: that’s an understatement.

And this shocked him to his core, because she was absolutely right.

Just how well had she gotten to know him in their time spent together over the last few months? And how? And why?

The last question would always boggle him until the end of time; he would never understand why she was interested in him. Why was he the one she had feelings for, when she claimed she never had feelings for anybody? Though he supposed he could ask himself the same thing: why did he feel things for Y/N that he had never felt for anyone else in his life? And the answer was quite simple, really: because it was her.

He didn’t know what about himself was so special to make him stand out in her mind, and as a result he still couldn’t help but be skeptical, even after her confession. But it wasn’t like he had any choice in the matter on what to do with that skepticism—not when his heart kept leading him back to her.

At some point after her accurate description of the inner turmoil that’s been plaguing his mind, his mouth had fallen open slightly. He couldn’t hide the surprise from his face even if he tried; he was speechless.

Y/N gazed up at him, not seeming in any hurry to rush the conversation along, and for that he was grateful. He’d never met somebody so patient and understanding before—just another reason to make Jungkook’s heart flutter with endearment. And it was no secret to himself anymore that he yearned to be in Y/N’s presence for as long as possible whether he was aware of it or not.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, you know,” she continued as if she could read his mind, and that was when he realized the way his eyes avoided hers and the fact that his skin was the color of tomatoes must’ve been dead giveaways. “I meant it when I said that was the hottest thing I’ve ever experienced.”

Jungkook balked, practically choking on his spit at her forward, shameless words. He didn’t think he’d ever get used to the way she spoke her mind so openly without any fear holding her back. She’d gone through so much in her childhood, in her life—Jungkook not even knowing the half of it, he’s sure—and yet she was still so strong and brave and everything he wasn’t. He couldn’t help but admire the person she was today, despite all the prejudice and judgment he’d held for her when they first met.

He realized now that he was too quick to judge her, to write her off based on rumors and first impressions. He realized now that he was too quick to do that to a lot of people. Just how long had he closed himself off from others based on his skewed, morally righteous perspective? His whole life, if he had to say.

The epiphany that she was physically prying open his third eye with a crowbar, that he was now self aware and changing for the better for her—for himself—hit him all at once.

It was the most frightening sensation of his life, the introvert in him wanting to crawl back into his shell where it was safe and comfortable and dull. But deep down he knew it was also for the best.

“W-why?” He heard himself asking before he knew what he was doing. “Why do you keep saying that?”

He had to know why she insisted on standing by her statement that his mishap was not only hot, but the hottest ever. Why did she insist on lying to him, on giving him false hope? She spoke her mind in every other situation, or at least that’s what he assumed; why did she insist on sparing his feelings in this incident? Was he really that pathetic? Did she pity him that much?

She simply blinked at him once, twice, before: “Because I really like you, Jungkook.”

As if in slow motion, you could visibly see his eyes expand to the size of saucers at your words.

You would’ve found the sight comical had the situation been any different. But the way he continued to disbelieve that you could have feelings for him, that you could be attracted to everything about him despite who he was, despite his inexperience—it made your heart break in your chest. You now knew from where this inferiority complex stemmed—he’d told you himself about his family situation—and if anything, it made you want to rebuild his confidence that much more. He needed to see himself the way you saw him.

But you also didn’t want to overwhelm him, either. And you were more than willing to walk that fine line with Jungkook no matter how long it took.

“So are we on for a study sesh tonight?” You continued nonchalantly, wanting to return things to normalcy for him as much as possible before he ran away mid-conversation as he’d done so many times before. You wanted to ease his self-doubt so he’d stop avoiding you—like he’d been doing the past few days—as much as possible.

Jungkook blinked as if trying to adjust from the whiplash of your subject-change. “U–uh… if you want?”

“Of course I want to,” you replied without missing a beat, not caring how desperate you seemed so long as he didn’t question where you stood. You took a step forward, unable to help the intangible, magnetic draw you felt to him as you gazed up at him beneath your lashes. “That is… if you want to.”

You watched in agony as a gulp slowly raked its way down his throat.

“I–” his voice was hoarse before he cleared his throat. “I uh, can’t tonight. I have to study for math.”

You weren’t even sure how one studied for math, but you weren’t about to question the expert. “That’s fine! We could… do it tomorrow?”

Jungkook chewed at his bottom lip, an action he always did when he was internally struggling with something before he finally nodded his head yes in a slow, hesitant manner. “N–not in my room though,” he added as an afterthought, and when your gaze snapped to his he had a pleading expression in his eyes.

A mix of emotions rolled through you. On one hand, you were horrified at the possibility that he thought the only reason you wanted to study again was so that you could get in his pants. Which—okay, you’re not going to lie, you would love to have a repeat of last week—but that definitely wasn’t why you wanted to see him. He meant more to you than just a means to get off, which was what you’d thought of flings in the past. You didn’t want him to be just a fling, though.

You didn’t want to think of the meaning behind that fact right now, either.

But on another hand, you understood where Jungkook was coming from. Maybe it was because you’d studied him enough over the past few months to learn some of his behavior (for once you finally saw the appeal of studying), so you knew that level of intimacy was probably extremely overwhelming for Jungkook and he needed a moment to step back. Hell, it was even overwhelming for you, and that was saying something. Never had your senses, your heart, your body, your soul been attacked like that with such an abundance of emotional pleasure, and you hoped with all your might that Jungkook was feeling the same—that that was the reason he needed a breather from being alone with you, and not the fact that he just didn’t want to be intimate with you.

Unless…

Oh god, had you misread the situation entirely? Had Jungkook hated everything about that night?

Suddenly you were feeling sick to your stomach. The thought of you misunderstanding his confession—or worse, him changing his mind completely—made you want to escape to a dark and desolate stairwell and cry in the hidden nooks of the windowsill again; the irony that not only would you be pulling a Jungkook by escaping mid-conversation, but that the stairwell was also the place the two of you had your first real conversation, wasn’t lost on you.

“M–my roommate is staying in, studying for finals.” The sound of Jungkook’s voice was like a breath of fresh air whooshing into your lungs after almost drowning underwater. You blinked out of your inner turmoil, focusing on him. “So he’ll be there, i–in my room, this whole week.”

And suddenly your heart was warming with relief, hope, appreciation, like flowers blooming in the spring after a torrential downpour. Just when you thought you had him figured out, this enigma of a boy continued to surprise you. It was usually easy for you to hide your emotions—you’d been doing so for years, always wore a mask around others so that they couldn’t see the real you—and yet somehow, Jungkook must’ve sensed them anyway. He sensed the doubt, the pain, the fear that you vowed never to cage you crawling up your throat and threatening to consume you whole, and he eased it. He didn’t want you to misunderstand him. He wanted to reassure you.

If anything, that was just a testament to how Jungkook had broken down your walls—how much you had let him in, how well he was able to read the emotions you wanted to keep hidden. Your mask had begun to break, the real you showing through the cracks, and Jungkook was still standing here. He hadn’t run away.

You fought the urge to grab him and slam your lips onto his.

“Not in your room, then,” is all you managed to breathe out beneath a fluttering smile.

[yandere-dark-cupid]

If you’re requests are open can I get a Yandere Zuko x fem reader where after the war he looks for his darling by making his guards track her down but without anyone knowing bc he doesn’t want ppl to think that he’s back into his old ways again and keeps her in the palace

Ok Angel 💜👌💜. If you want, I could continue this as a mini part to part scenario series if I have the time T.Angel. There is just so many ideas worming around this concept and just think of the crazy things the darling and Zuko is going to go through, while also keeping both of their identities on the veeery low-key. Just let me know Angel 😊☕💜.

Also everyone is going to be aged up to 18+ Btw.

Side note: For the sake of this scenario, the darling will be from the Southern Water tribe. If this Angel decides to let me continue this as a mini scenario series, then the both of us are going to talk about if the darling can be a Waterbender or not.

Warning ⚠!!!: Their is going to be some slight Nsfw in this.

Yandere Zuko: A Dragon's treasure

Five weeks. It has been five weeks since you've went missing. Once the war has ended, Zuko was planning to propose to you. But every since his coronation of being crowned the new FireLord, you just up and vanished. It was like you were never there in the first place. And Zuko has been scattering everywhere in the palace and Fire nation to find you or some type of clue. But nothing. There was nothing there. You really covered your tracks, didn't you?

Right now Zuko was in his thrown room. He was fuming- No steaming with rage. If anyone were to walk in to the room, they'll notice it was boiling in there. He tried to look everywhere in the palace. Even outside the palace. But to no avail. Zuko couldn't find you. You've made it clear that you don't want to be with him or any where near him with this type of stunt you've pulled.

Zuko took a seat on his thrown. His hands was on his head, just about ready to pull his hair out and shout in frustration. But then a knock on the door stop him. " *Frustrated sigh* State your name and your business." Zuko said with spite and a hint of venom in his voice. The person behind the door flinched at his tone of voice. "It's me Sir. The guard you put in charge of the search party for Ms.Y/N". Zuko perked up at the mention of his missing lover's name. " Come in. " said Zuko. With out a second thought, the guard entered the room. She bowed down in respect for her FireLord.

" FireLord Zuko I have an update about Ms.Y/N's whereabouts. " Said the guard. She almost stuttered. The guard noticed how extremely hot it was in the thrown room. It was a clear sign that FireLord Zuko was pissed out of his mind. " Well, " Zuko said in annoyance and anger. Zuko was beyond angry at this point. He was a whole entire cluster fuck of emotions right now. " M-me and m-my crew found some people who could be connected to Ms.Y/N's disappearance , your majesty. " Stuttered the guard in slight fear. Zuko quirked up an eyebrow at what the guard said.

Ah. So the guard managed to find the ones responsible for his darling's vanishment, or at least had some part in it. " Bring them in. " Zuko said. The guard only merely nodded, not wanting to meet the FireLord's intimidating gaze. The guard got off their knees and went to call the other guards, to bring out the people that played some part of the darling going missing. The other guards quickly brought out four other people. Those people was tied up, bounded, and blind folded. The people was visibly quivering in fear. They were very confused and scared on what they did to upset the FireLord.

The four guards forcefully pushed the four people down to the floor. Each guard took off each person's blind fold. In front of the four people, there sat the FireLord in all his glory. FireLord Zuko glared down at the 4 people in a burning gaze. So these disgusting pathetic excuses of human was responsible for his darling going missing. Zuko scoffed at the thought. After a painful intimidating stare down, Zuko finally spoke. " So your the ones held responsible for Y/N's disappearance. " Zuko spat out to them with his voice dipped in poison.

" I-if y-you're talking about a someone that has (h/c), (e/c), and (s/c) then t-they came to m-my store to buy clothes." The woman stuttered in fear. Zuko stayed quite and only listened. " If you're talking about the same person; they came to my food stand and brought some food. " the old man said quickly in fear of what the FireLord would do to him if he took so long to explain himself. Zuko only merely quirks his eyebrow. " Y-yeah, that same person came to my Shop and bought some bags and extra equipment as his they were going on a trip. " The man said while sweating nervously. " The same person came to shack a-and brought some w-weapons. " Said the short lady in fear. Zuko only hmmed at what they said.

" So you're telling me the lady you just described went to all of your stores and shops to buy something. " Zuko said still glaring down the four people. " Y-yes. " the woman squeaked in fear. The old man only nodded quickly. " Mhm. " both the man and woman said. Zuko got up from his thrown and began to walk down to his stand. " What should we do with them you highness? " Said one of the guards. " Bring them to the dungeon. I will decide what to do with them later. " Said Zuko. " I-I don't understand what did we do wrong. " Stuttered the woman in fear and nervousness. Zuko quickly turned to the woman, the woman quickly shuts her mouth. Zuko then begins to slowly walk towards her.

Zuko shot one of his hands out and grasps the woman's face in a painful grip. The woman squeaks in surprise and fear. Zuko just merely just glares down at her. His eyes is filled with a flaming rage. " You all are held responsible for the disappearance of Y/N, " Zuko spat out in anger. Zuko releases his hand from woman's face. Zuko steps away from the woman and is now in front of the four bounded people. " Since you all play a part in my- err Y/N's disappearance, you all will be punished accordingly. " The four people only shook even more at FireLord Zuko's statement. " All of you take them away were they'll never see the light of day again. " Zuko said with venom dripping from his voice.

The four guards only bowed and said a quick " yes sir ". With that they took the four people away. Now Zuko was once again left in his thrown room...... alone.

Zuko let out a sigh of frustration out. He walked towards a window that was in the room. He stared down at his people, he was thinking about something. Based on what the four people said, Zuko can conclude that his darling is no longer in the Fire nation. Zuko dug into his pocket and took out something. It was a necklace. A betrothed necklace to be more specific. You see his darling was not from the fire nation, no no no. You were from a Water tribe, the Southern Water tribe to put it. While Zuko was on his trip to help Aang defeat his father and help him master firebending, Zuko found out from Katara on what her necklace means. He found out that from the Water tribe in order to marry someone, you have to make a betrothed necklace and give it to that special someone. When Zuko found out about this type of information, he instantly got rapped up about it. Ever since he's joined team Avatar he was thinking about what life would be like when he becomes FireLord, then his thoughts were drawn into marriage. He can't help but think, his darling would make the perfect FireLady. His FireLady.

And they'll have children. They'll be lovely children. With his darling swelled up with another one of his heirs all while holding another one of their children. It'll truly be a.. delicious sight to see ~ Zuko hmmed in delight at the thought of his darling bearing his children. But... that's if he witness such a darling sight. Zuko groaned at his mood being dampened and soured. But he knows it's true. Zuko knows if he doesn't act fast, he'll lose his darling. And that lovely little scene that played in his mind, will be nothing but a mere fantasy. Besides, he doesn't want to get himself accidentally sexual frustrated.....

With that aside, Zuko begins to start planning and strategizing. Zuko walks away from the window. He calls a servant, he orders them to get one of his best generals. The servant was slightly hesitant and confused, but never the less terrified. Wasn't the war over? They pushed their question aside, because they know now wouldn't be the best time to question the FireLord. He hasn't been acting himself lately and has been been flaring up at anything these past few weeks. With out much of a second thought, they did as they were told and went to see if someone could get one of the generals FireLord Zuko was talking about.

Zuko on the other hand, went back to sit on his thrown. He knew it will take time for the general to get here, so he decided to sit and be patient for him to get here. All while doing this, Zuko began to plan out in his mind on how he was going to get his darling. He was thinking about getting some of the Fire nation's best spies to help track down his darling. Sending out a whole search team and alerting the public while cause some type of panic. Not only that but he's trying to show that He and the Fire nation has turned over a new leaf, that and he doesn't want people and the other members of team Avatar know he's basically going back to his old ways. Since everybody knows the history on how he went to the ends of the earth to find and Capture the Avatar, and he's basically doing the same for his darling. It'll put a bad name on him and an even worse name on the Fire nation. So he'll lay as low as possible and keep shush shush about it, so he doesn't rise suspicion and ruin all the hard work he's been putting in the past time he's became FireLord.

With all those thoughts in mind, Zuko decides to call the same servant from before. So he can see if his message has been delivered. The Servant said they already sent a messaging hawk out to see if they can reach the general. Zuko only hmmed and dismissed them, and told them to report back to him once the massage has been delivered. With that the servant left, leaving Zuko in his thrown room. Zuko dug into his pocket again. He took out the Betrothed necklace out. He gently creased and rubbed the engraving and creases. He took so many hours and very much effort into making this for his darling. Looking at it always made him feel calmer, it made him happy knowing that his darling will be wearing it soon. But then his darling ran away from him before he can give it to them. Zuko pushed down on the purple garnet at the thought of his darling running away from him ( the rest of the necklace's gems are made up of smaller bits of Rudy and sapphire ). Zuko let out another sigh of frustration. He began to think. Once is darling is back with him he's never letting them go...........

My God, this was a boom ass idea. Not only that, but an idea of Zuko having a bit of a breeding kink has been floating around in my mind for some time now. I had a lot of fun with this. Like I said before T.Angel, If you want me to make a mini scenarios series about this let me know 😆! Well I hope you enjoy it. Until next time my Little Tainted Angels, see you soon ~💜❤💜

[nefoe-dd]

SO SMT AU AM I RIGHT GAMERS

I mentioned this in the tags of another post and joked about it in Discord but my brain went brrrr during my last class of the day and now I lowkey have a full plot starting to form lol.

Keep in mind the only Shin Megami Tensei game I’ve played myself is the Nocturne remake, plus I only really remember bits of the plot of 4 and whatever we’ve been given so far of 5 so I’m not super well versed in the series.

Also I’ll add this to the tags too but DSMP Spoilers specifically for the contents of Techno’s Will exist in this post, because that is where the idea for this came from. A lot of other JRPGs have similar plotlines but I specifically thought of SMT because its kind of a meme specifically for that at this point how the plot always seems to have the same type ending bosses. 

Also some spoilers for Shin Megami Tensei IV

ANYWAYS

Now Presenting: An AU where Techno’s Limbo is an SMT Game lol

(Under a ‘Read More’ because it got way ahead of me)

An Introduction to Relevant SMT terminology:

Demons: Makes up a large majority of the characters in the game. They are the enemies that you face in combat, and its possible to recruit them to your team through various means. Some demons exist in the overworld though, and can be talked to normally, they’re chill most of the time, unless you do something to tick them off. ‘Demon’ is not taken literally by the Christian definition, they are based off of various figures in folklore and religion around the world, some are even based on Gods and Angels.

Law vs Chaos: Many SMT games have multiple endings based on these two alignments, along with the neutral alignment. It is usually decided by some important decisions the player makes throughout the game. I’m most aware of the SMT 4 ending, in which the route you are on decides the final dungeon, the character you team with for the ending, and the final boss (its either Satan or the in-game version of God). It’s based off of the traditional interpretation of these two, where Law represents the importance of authority, and Chaos represents the importance of freedom. 

Another note is that a lot of SMT games take place in a post-apocalyptic world of some kind, which, spoiler, is the case here.

General Plot Details and Worldbuilding:

- Techno dies in the prison. The stasis chamber fails and Quackity succeeds in killing him. Permanently. 

- Despite dying, he wakes up again in the main prison cell, but things are different. The lava isn’t blocking the entrance anymore, (in fact there isn’t any lava at all), and he’s alone. Upon peering outside the main cell, he notices a bit of sky peeking through the prison ceiling, like it had been broken into. 

- The drop down to the bottom floor is long, but he’s dead, so he just shrugs and jumps down so he can see what’s going on. Turns out there are several holes in this part of the prison, in fact there are multiple on the ground, likely where the lava had escaped from. (Obviously Minecraft lava specifically doesn’t work like that, I’m pretty sure in the DreamSMP the bottom is all source blocks, but just ignore that bit). 

- He exits from the back wall of the prison, and everything there so far looks normal, except for the fact that there appears to be less trees than normal. Of the trees that are still there, many of them were cut down and never collected, and some appear to have fallen over due to some damage.

- Techno goes around the prison to the front, and that’s when he notices some things that are very wrong. Various parts of the prison, not just the main cell, are also sitting destroyed. Many cracks, scuff marks and full-on chunks are missing on the walls. The usual entrance which houses the nether portal is hardly still standing, and he can see straight into the main lobby where the portal would lead into once you were let through. 

- The surrounding areas are not much better. Tommy’s outpost is toppled over in the distance, only the base and bottom floor are left standing. The tents near the beach are collapsed and destroyed, the only remnants of one of them is a small piece of fabric ripped from the main bit and laying on the ground. Skeppy and Badboyhalo’s mansion is crumbling where it stands, half of the back wall and ceiling are gone. And that’s only what’s visible from here. 

- The rest of the server is also in various states of destruction, the spawn walls are hardly left standing, the main nether portal area is covered in potholes, none of the portals are active. The prime path is rotted and broken in most areas, the buildings along it are not faring much better than the ones he’d seen before. And the further he gets away from the prison, the more the plants themselves appear to be dead or dying. 

- L’manburg’s crater looks much the same as it once did right after its destruction, albeit with more debris at the bottom which had fallen from the sides as they slowly eroded. The flag at the bottom is torn up and discoloured, honestly its hardly recognizable. The nature that had finally begun to reclaim the land has slowly been dying instead over time, and the bridge overtop has completely collapsed. The only thing still standing, is the ever present obsidian grid that looms over it in the sky. He supposes that whatever disaster had caused this wasn’t able to reach that high up, or that it was at least in part done by someone that liked the way it looked. Not that there seems to be a need for the reminder anymore. 

- Something something, he finds out DreamXD is here, and that he might have had something to do with how this world looks. And as much as it shouldn’t matter in the afterlife, he did promise Phil he would be killing God sooooo he goes on a mission to do just that. He can do pretty much anything now that he really doesn’t have to worry about dying, so why not. He has no reason to care about some God, especially when they’re the only ones left.

- Some DSMP people hang around the world and are represented by certain demons, the mostly chill ones that kinda just hang around in the apocalyptic scenery. They don’t recognize him, it isn’t really the people he knows after all, but they are willing to talk to him since they can tell he isn’t human either. He learns little bits of what happened through them, and learns where DreamXD resides, that being one of the strongholds that’s a bit further out. 

- Unfortunately, due to the portals being inactive, and his inability to break anything efficiently, or even at all, he has to travel using the overworld. Along the way he manages to speak to some others, this allows him to better locate where the God is, although it doesn’t seem to be hiding out. He even sees it sometimes flying around, which he uses to follow where its hiding. 

- Some of the random demons he runs into recognize that he’s not supposed to be here (according to them at least), so he has to fight his way through them. Luckily, many of the friendly demons that he talks to end up tagging along in order to help, thus making up a team he can use to get through them instead.

 - There’s probably a demon that seems to resemble Phil somewhere, living alone (alone for so so long) away from everyone in an arctic house perhaps. If I wanted to really up the angst, the demon takes a liking to Techno right away, which is partly how Techno is able to tell its him so quickly. The more they talk, the more Techno realizes how lonely the Phil he knows must be without him there, how upset he’d be once he reads the will and finds out what happened to him. Thus he’s more motivated to, you know, fight God, in an attempt to figure out what the hell happened. (DXD is the only entity existing here that also exists where he’s from, he can guess pretty easily that maybe, just maybe, they are one and the same). Thus, he is given a choice that he knows he will have to make in the future. 

- Eventually he manages to find the stronghold and comes face to face with DreamXD himself. DreamXD is just kinda chillin there, they fight, through DreamXD doesn’t seem to be putting in too much effort, almost like it does not want to win. 

- Techno wins (duh), and he is left with a choice, a choice to finish the job, or spare the god and allow it to go free. And, well, he feels that he doesn’t really have the right to decide whether it lives or dies, and while its possible that DreamXD caused whatever disaster created the current state of the world, but he doesn’t know that for sure. DreamXD has done nothing this whole time he’s been here, and its done nothing to him or his companions.

- He chooses to leave it alone, and DreamXD seems to know that it was always going to end that way. 

- DreamXD disappears, and Techno wakes up in the cell again post-revival, the prison and the world around it is the same as he remembers

(I don’t remember the exact real-world to limbo time difference but I imagine that it felt like, a day, maybe half that, while irl it was only a few minutes to an hour.)

Some other notes/details:

- The other possible ending would have resulted in Techno killing DreamXD and being given ANOTHER choice to take its power over the world, or just leave and stay there forever. Basically DreamXD’s existence is vital to the power of the revival book, and it’s death would have resulted in Dream not being successful in his revival attempts. Obviously we have no idea how the powers actually work yet, but I just came up with an explanation because I thought it would be interesting. You can decide on your own which of these endings fall into Law, Chaos or Neutral because uh, its complicated given the scenario. You can also decide if letting DreamXD live even fits into his character! Idk! But its not like DreamXD’s being oppressive by any means, not that there’s anyone to oppress here anyways. That’s my logic anyways.

- I don’t know what demons would represent specific people, I’d like to use one of the Angels for Phil but the Demons based on Angels usually have an important role in the plot that is in line with the Law alignment and like, protecting god or whatever, so no. There are a couple bird ones but idk if they fit the vibe, idk it could work, I’d have to look at a list if I want to go into this further.

- I kinda want Eret to be an Inugami because it’s body does that thing that ferret’s do when they’re all stretched out :) The only reason I’m hesitant is because Inugami is a dog, and Goose deserves representation.

- The reason I imagined for why Techno can’t break anything is because the mining fatigue lasted throughout this because he died with it, it’d get in the way of fighting too but at least it isn’t weakness, and he’s not alone either.

Uhhhhh that’s it for now I think!

(will potentially add to this if I figure something else out in the future)

[frienderbender]

hey frienderbender is it ok to ask for some lore/information on your magpickles 🥺 I’m very invested in those goods ( off the topic but can I just say I am in LOVE with the way you draw Skwisgaar my heart is just fluttering to fast when I see him 🥺💞 Anyways muah you’re wonderful artist thank you have a lovely day/evening )

oh sure! first off thank you so much for the sweet message! that made my night :'] i love drawing skwisgaar and im glad you like how he looks in my style haha

anyways im assuming youre talking about my general lore for them in the canon timeline, so ill talk about that under the cut

i think they first met some time in the late 80s while pickles was still with snb. they met after a show specifically. magnus introduced himself as a fan, and that was true! but (quick tangent for some general mag thoughts) it brings up something that ive always thought about when i look at mag. magnus definitely gives off the vibe of being the guy who was always just Around in the music scene, especially in the rock and metal scene of this era. like, hes a mysterious dude but he has connections. he will play with random bands sometimes. he knows so many fucking people in this industry (not saying hes friends with all of them though); what im trying to say is. Everyone Has A Magnus Hammersmith Story. hes the type of guy that gets talked about in podcasts decades down the line. ok all that to say he was able to get backstage because he just Knows People. and he introduces himself as a fan blah blah pickles and magnus drink and do some drugs and honestly i wouldnt be surprised if they at the very least made out with each other the first night they met.

so pickles is like, pretty into him right off the bat. magnus was too, but i think on his end INITIALLY he was more just interested in hooking up but they exchange info and keep in touch and all that. so. this is RIGHT before snb implodes. and theyre still meeting up fairly regularly and becoming closer and doing a lot of drugs and drinking a bunch. typical rockstar stuff.

but pickles had been on a steady downward spiral at this point (he was already like this before he met magnus), and in one night snb is no more. having burned all those bridges in his band (for now), pickles turns to his only friend left: magnus. and i think its at this point, when pickles comes to him, wrecked by the dissolution of his band, that magnus kinda starts to realize he might actually feel something for him too? seeing him like this, seeing pickles from fucking snakes n barrels, so raw and real and not at all like the fiery redhead he met that night after their show...it just feels different somehow. like yeah he was attracted to pickles from snakes n barrels, but he realized he had grown to care about pickles from tomahawk wisconsin. he liked that one better, there was no bullshit. no hiding beneath layers of glam makeup and hairspray.

so its the two of them against the world. its the early 90s at this point. on a whim, pickles decides they should leave LA and just drive. wherever. just away from the city because LA fucking sucks. he takes all his money and he and magnus get in his car and just start driving. they end up in florida eventually, because its the other side of the country. or something. they get an apartment, and for a couple of months they live together and its. kinda nice. its different, for sure. but not bad. magnus and pickles both always kinda skirted around the topic of their relationship. they never called the other their boyfriend. but i feel strongly that they did tell each other that they loved the other, once. and they meant it.

so heres where things get tricky for me. how did dethklok form? what was the order? who met who first? i dont know!! i wish i knew! its something i have a million scenarios for and i wish we got a canon order of the members joining at the very least so i can model my headcanons around it haha

with that in mind though, i do think magnus and pickles were a bit of a package deal. like, whoever joined first was able to get the other in. so. yeah. they joined dethklok some time in the early to mid 90s now.

they have a pretty decent few years. theyre still.......something....even in their new band. like they arent open about it and hook up when the other guys arent around and all that.

its around this time though that i think magnus is really starting to go through it. combination of feeling frustrated because of the bands status at this point, general untreated mental health, etc. anyways i think the stabbing incident occurred some time in the mid 90s, probably like '95 or '96 or something. so.....he gets kicked out. obviously. and those are the terms they end on for awhile.........

but uh. you see. pickles never completely cut ties with the dude because. well. what do you do when this happens to someone you care so deeply about. and i think probably a month or so later, magnus actually contacts him for the first time since the stabbing incident. and maybe i have a comic script and thumbnails about this encounter what about it. magnus tells him he wants to see him, so pickles slips out that night to meet up at an old bar they used to go to a lot. may or may not be the depths of humanity uhhh anyway. theyre talking for awhile but it just kinda devolves into honestly more one-sided arguing on pickles end. hes frustrated and sad and confused because fuck! magnus! why would you do that? why, when the bands just starting to take off? it becomes this whole like. you arent the same guy i knew. and in that moment it quietly hits them both that like. we arent who we were, and we dont know what to do about that. magnus asks if pickles would want to join him and leave the band, and pickles tells him to go fuck himself. and thats the last thing he ever said to him.

and thats where the magpickles lore/relationship timeline ends. i realize it really did kinda turn into a timeline but also i did write a timeline during a slow day at work once like two months ago but. anyways. this is basically that.

but uh. yes. i love them. they make me sad but in a good way yknow. its like. its one of those situations where i feel like under different circumstances, they probably couldve made it work in their own weird way. they have such a specific dynamic, whether in their background together in the canon timeline or just me fucking around with AUs and being like hmm what if i actually gave them a scenario where they could have the time to develop AS an actual couple. im rambling but i just love these two so much. this is so long.

i feel strongly they wouldnt get back together in any sort of canon capacity, but i do think they still have feelings for each other in that way you do when you remember people you loved in the past. old friendships that dissolved with no resolution. the person you still have things you want to tell them, even though you know you will never get the chance.

[scripttorture]

I have a character who was a slave but was rescued and freed after about 2 years in slavery and eventually goes on to rescue other people in slavery. While in slavery, he was punished often with denial of food as well as being whipped and beaten when he refused to work. He also had his tongue partially cut out as a punishment. I already have a good idea about the psychological effects he is going to have, but I’m struggling with the physical effects and how long it would take to recover

Part of the answer here depends on this character’s age because while adults can generally make a good recovery from periods of starvation the effects on children (especially young children) are a lot more long lasting.

 The best places to start for the effects of starvation on adults are probably the Minnesota Starvation Experiment and the World Health Organisation (WHO, general link here, 1999 pamphlet on malnutrition in all ages here).

 Recovery is generally pretty quick unless someone’s at the point where they’re near death.

 Refeeding syndrome can be an issue in some cases (especially famine or forced labour camps) but it doesn’t have to be one here. If the character is eating normally (as opposed to being fed by IV for instance) then refeeding syndrome is less likely. My understanding is that this is because the body suppresses appetite during starvation so that it only takes in what it can manage (appetite recovers quickly as the patient regains weight.)

 There’s a detailed NHS guide to refeeding in adult here. It should give you an idea of how at risk your character is and how much food he’ll be able to handle in his first few days of recovery.

 A physical recovery period of around 1-3 months depending on the degree of starvation is reasonable. In this case by ‘recovery’ I mean being able to do normal physical activity, a return to previous healthy weight, or higher weight, return to normal appetite and nutrient levels.

 Recovery can be delayed by additional illness: it’s easier for starving people to contract diseases or infections and it takes longer for them to fight them off.

 There’s also a difference depending on whether you’re talking about a character who is consistently under fed and forced to work versus a character who is usually provided with enough food but sometimes denied food completely/on very reduced rations for periods of a few days. Consistent starvation and malnutrition is much more usual in slavery and… much more likely to be fatal.

 A character that has short periods where food is denied them (no more then two days) and is then allowed to eat as much as they want is probably not going to need hospital supervision/treatment for starvation. If that doesn’t sound like your character then the procedure is usually just to let the person eat as much as they want of whatever they want. The difficulty for people at this sort of stage is more about organising giving out food then it is about keeping doctors on hand to monitor them.

 Now I know less about this but I think there is some evidence that this sort of pattern of intermittent starvation (ie periods where the character is starved, then allowed to eat and this is repeated) can cause some pretty serious health effects. It can also make disordered eating behaviour more likely.

 On a cosmetic level it’s also linked to weight gain.

 Which ever option you’re picturing the following effects are all likely:

loss of muscle mass

lack of coordination

weaker bones

higher chance of hypothermia or heat exhaustion

fainting

poor circulation

higher chances of disease and infections

longer recovery time and more difficult recovery from disease and infections

 A survivor can get to a point where they’re no longer at immediate risk before they’re back to full health. It takes time to recover bone and muscle mass. It takes time for the internal organs to get back to normal. It takes time for enough fat to build up so a person’s body can regulate heat properly.

 There’s also a difference between someone being at peak physical fitness and getting back to average. My understanding is that if someone’s survived significant periods of starvation they’re… unlikely to reach peak physical fitness. If this character was an athlete or a super hero or otherwise had a physically demanding profession, they’re likely to notice a difference even when they’re ‘better’.

 They could improve with time and practice but they may never get back to their prior ability level.

 There’s evidence of epigenetic effects; the children of people who recover from starvation are likely to be shorter then the children of people who have never starved.

 The Minnesota Starvation experiment theorised that after a successful recovery there were few long term effects of starvation. There’s some evidence now that this was an optimistic conclusion but it’s difficult to get a clear picture because of the ethics around studying starvation.

 For young children starvation results in an adult who is:

physically weaker

less intelligent

more prone to illness

less able to fight off illness

has a shorter life expectancy

is physically smaller

 Starvation of children represents a blunting of potential: they will never reach their full strength or intelligence even if they may be stronger/smarter then some individuals. And there is really nothing that can be done to treat that. They needed food over a crucial period and did not receive it. The damage is done and can not currently be treated or healed.

 Beatings over a long period of time and forced labour both have a tendency to cause chronic pain in the joints. Shoulders and knees seem particularly common.

 There are a lot of possible causes for this sort of chronic pain. Ligament and muscle damage s possible. Beatings with objects can cause bone fragments to uh break away and lodge in soft tissues. Soft tissues around joints can be damaged.

 And there are also psychological causes or combinations of both physical damage and psychological causes.

 For instance this is something I saw in an account from a survivor of child abuse. The survivor had been punished using standing stress positions and he found as an adult that he got shooting pains in the backs of his legs while stressed at work. With the help of his doctors he found that when he was stressed he leaned forward on to his toes, mimicking part of the stress position he’d been subjected to as a child. This put more strain on his legs and caused the pain.

 These kinds of responses can be very difficult to stop.

 What I’m trying to illustrate here is that disabling pain is really common in survivors and you don’t necessarily need to know a specific cause for it.

 Chronic pain can cause long term problems to do with mobility and performing everyday activities. Most often it means that survivors need to rest more often, they may have less stamina and they might need to do things in ‘odd’/unusual ways in order to comfortably perform the activity.

 For instance someone with chronic pain in their shoulders might struggle to hang wet clothes on a line that’s above their heads. So they might get in the habit of lowering the clothes line, attaching the clothes and then raising it by pulling on the cord at waist height. They might have trouble moving their shoulder to put on jackets, so they could use their body weight to ‘flip’ the arm joint to the correct position without involving the muscles of the shoulder.

 Someone with knee pain would probably be more particular about the height of chairs in their house. They may stop keeping things in low drawers or shelves.

 Consider where your character might have pain, what activities might make it worse and life style adaptions you can work in to your story.

 These can actually be a great world building/character detail. Especially because healthy people have a tendency to assume these adaptions are eccentricities rather then necessity, prompting conversation between characters.

 There is one part of this scenario that worries me: mutilating the tongue.

 Cutting out tongues is one of those things that comes up a lot in fiction and is generally… less survivable then people assume. Tongues are not just for verbal communication: they’re a pretty essential part of how we swallow food and water, not to mention detecting whether said food/water is edible and they contain a lot of blood vessels. There’s a reason things like tongue splitting and tongue piercing don’t tend to show up as traditional body modification practices.

 The process of partially removing a tongue is life threatening in and of itself. Victims can drown in their own blood. Inflammation can block the airways causing suffocation. Infection can make breathing, eating or drinking impossible (increasing the chance of death from infection.)

 If the victim survives (some definitely did) they’d have trouble eating and drinking for the rest of their lives. This means malnutrition is likely, leading to shorter life expectancies and higher chances of disease (apart from the conditions malnutrition itself causes.)

 It also means recovery from starvation would be significantly longer. Which means a longer period when the character’s more at risk from infection and disease as well as the general uh ‘problems’ starvation causes.

 I’m not saying you’ve created an unsurvivable scenario. We know from history that some people have gone through stuff like this and survived.

 What I’m saying is the survival rate is low. Those survivors (and your character) got lucky.

 Keep that in mind when you write this scenario.

 In terms of long term recovery I honestly have no idea how a removed tongue is treated, I’m not a medic. I can guess at some lifestyle adaptions though.

 Because it makes eating more difficult I think it’s likely a survivors would have smaller meals and more frequent meals rather then large portions that might be cold/unpleasant by the time they’ve finished eating. They’d probably learn to cut their food into smaller pieces and might avoid tougher foods that require more chewing. Their sense of the taste and texture of food would be impaired which might effect their enjoyment of food which could in turn effect their motivation to eat and their recovery.

 Overall I think the take away message here is that while most of the physical long term effects of slavery are not immediately life threatening they have a massive effect on long term quality of life.

 A lot of survivors of modern slavery come out of similar time frames to this disabled by a combination of chronic pain, joint problems and untreated injury or disease.

 One of the recurring themes in Kara’s interviews with slaves is that slavery physically ages people. The combination of extreme distress, physical abuse, overwork, sleep deprivation and malnutrition makes survivors appear much older then they are.

 But the reasons why, the injuries and marks of abuse are often not immediately obvious.

 I hope that helps :)

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[xofanfics]

String - Part IV

Prologue | Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V

Genre: angst, fluff, suggestive themes

Pairing: Baekhyun x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

Summary: You find yourself in a friends-with-benefits situation with your best friend. You have no business falling for him, but your heart begs to differ.

Things were not going as planned. That was evident yesterday when Baekhyun paid you a visit.  You felt a bunch of things—annoyance, anger, frustration, sadness. The list went on and your friends could see it in your face. Earlier that week, Evie and Sadie had invited you to sleepover at their dorm for Friday night. Though you hadn’t expected the week to go the way it had, you were grateful that you’d be spending your Friday night with friends instead of in bed eating easy mac and binge watching Vampire Diaries. 

As you sat on the train with your overnight bag, you couldn’t help but feel a little excited. You hadn’t had a girls’ night in a while. For the most part, you usually went out with the guys. This weekend though, you would be with the girls and the girls only. You needed a break. They promised drinks, music and movies in their dorm room. 

The train screeched to a halt as you arrived at 14th Street - Union Square station. You got off the train quickly as a woman nearly knocked you over just to get onto the train. If it was one thing that annoyed you about New York City, it was people like that woman who, for some reason, can’t seem to wait for people to actually get off of the train. People like her give the city a bad name. The station was crowded now; you saw people dressed up and ready to start drinking, you saw people in suits coming from work after a long day at the office, and you saw kids in uniforms in clusters with their friends.

The city always came alive at night as the sun was setting. As you passed the park you saw some street performers playing instruments, the sound of smooth jazz filling your ears. The walk to your friend’s dorm seemed to go more quickly than usual. You were excited to spend time with your friends but you were also disappointed how things went with Baekhyun. He texted you earlier today but you ignored his message and left it on read. You didn’t know how to respond to him after the other night. You stared at the message, unsure of how to react. He said: 

[7:48am] Morning! Sorry I had to leave last night. I’m on my way to the pool now. Hope you have a good day! 

You couldn’t respond to him because you didn’t know how and also because you didn’t know where your fingers would take you if you started typing. It was better, you decided, to ignore the message altogether. 

You signed in at their dorm and waited for Evie to pick you up from the lobby. She came a moment later. “Hey,” she said, waving at the person at the desk as you headed upstairs with her. “We ordered some Chinese food. We timed it perfectly cause it’ll be here in a few minutes.”

“What did we get?”

“Some dumplings, beef and scallions, general tso’s chicken, and shrimp fried rice.”

“That sounds like more than enough,” you said, laughing, as Evie opened the door to their suite. You put your bags down and hugged Sadie. “Hey.”

“So I had nothing else better to do so I put together some fun ideas for tonight,” she said, showing you her phone. “We’re gonna play some drinking games after we eat. Our suitemates are down to play uno and jenga. It’s gonna be great.” She held up a familiar vape pen with the oil that would lead you on a winding, neverending path up to the clouds, if not further. “Want a hit?”

*

You shrieked as you pulled out the wooden piece that sent everything crashing down to the floor. “Damn it!” You and your friends laughed, along with their suitemates. It was time to take a shot. You weren’t sure how many shots you’d had at this point since you and your friends agreed to do half shots so no one would get too drunk and result in the night ending with someone passed out in a corner or slumped at the table. 

Vodka was never good but it was cheap and good enough to get you drunk quickly. Everyone chipped in to get a bottle of Pinnacle earlier. You took the shot, feeling the liquid fire in your core, your friends cheering in the background.

This was what you needed: a night to take your mind off of things. No boys, no drama, just fun and games. You hadn’t thought about Baekhyun once since you got here. Maybe, in your own way, this just served as a distraction to the reality that you had absolutely no idea what was going on in your life but it was fine. As of now, it was fine. You were enjoying yourself and that was all that mattered. 

As your friends decided what games you should play next, you made the mistake of picking up your phone. Your screen displayed Instagram, where you’d left it last. You clicked on Drew’s story and saw that he was at Bar None with Baekhyun and Daren. They seemed to be having a boys’ night from what you could see. 

“Did Baekhyun invite you guys out with them?” you asked.

Sadie shook her head. “Nah. I talked to the guys earlier today but we didn’t make any plans with them. Why?”

“Just wondering,” you said. “I hung out with Baekhyun the other night and we were supposed to talk.”

Evie raised her eyebrows. “What happened?”

“We hung out as usual. Ordered food, watched TV, and we fell asleep. Just when I thought he was gonna come to bed with me, he went home.”

Sadie said, “So you didn’t talk?” You shook your head. “I think he likes someone else. I overheard him and Drew talking and—”

You stopped her, desperate for some inkling of what was going on in Baekhyun’s life. “What did he say?”

“I mean, nothing specific. He was saying that he ran into someone somewhere and that they got ice cream. He said that she was cute. I-I only caught a piece of it and to be honest, he could’ve been talking about anyone so I didn’t think much of it.” 

You rolled your eyes and picked up your phone again. You’d started the evening not thinking about Baekhyun and you let him get in your head yet again. The purpose of being here tonight was to hang out with your friends and gossip about any and everyone who wasn’t Baekhyun Byun. You found yourself on Instagram looking for Baekhyun’s account to look at his story. According to his story, last night he made instant ramen. Today around lunchtime, he had tacos and, from what he could see, he wasn’t alone. The person wasn’t in the shot but you could tell by the little bit of hand in the corner, that the feminine hand belonged to someone with perfect, powder blue nails.

You tossed your phone on the table and started looking for your drink. Evie looked at the phone and swiped backward to see what you were looking at. She cleared her throat. “Oh God.”

“It could just be a friend,” you said, refusing to accept this outcome as truth. “You know what? I’m gonna ask him.” You stood up, grabbed your phone and started putting your sandals on. 

“Where are you going?” Evie asked. “We’re gonna play UNO next.”

“I’m going to the bar.”

“No you’re not,” your friend said, standing in front of you. “Now is not the time.”

“Well I need to talk to him.”

You started toward the door, determined to see Baekhyun no matter what. Your friends couldn’t stop you. Evie started putting her shoes on, too. “Shouldn’t you try to do this sober or something?”

Sadie said, “I don’t think this is a good idea…”

“Look,” you said, shaking your head. “I tried to talk to him twice already. I say, fuck that. Third time’s a charm, right?”

*

This probably wasn’t a good idea but you were on your way, with Sadie and Evie at your side. They knew just as well as you did, deep down, that this was a terrible idea. There was no way that this would go well but you needed to know. You needed answers and you needed them now. You couldn’t go one more day without knowing where you stood with Baekhyun. You hated not knowing how he felt or where you were going.

You crossed the street, the alcohol making your legs feel like jello. The three of you were still pretty drunk and, with Sadie insisting on bringing the vape pen, you were crossfaded enough to deal with this situation. There were a million things you wanted to say, in a million different ways. You’d visualized scenarios that hadn’t happened in your head while you walked. Some outcomes you imagined were positive, with you leaving the bar hand in hand with Baekhyun, while other outcomes you imagined were more dramatic, ending with you hitting him in the head with a bottle of liquor you’d stolen from the bar. 

“What are you gonna say to him?” asked Sadie. 

“I dunno,” you said, turning the corner. “I’m gonna wing it.”

“Oh God,” you heard Evie say under her breath as you approached the bouncer standing outside. She had no idea what she was getting herself into and, to be honest, neither did you. On the way over, Evie was the main person trying to get you to change your mind about confronting Baekhyun. 

She said things like “This is going to end in disaster” and “Why not sleep off the liquor and call him tomorrow or something?” But she couldn’t change your mind. You had your mind set on one thing and one thing only. 

You showed the bouncer your ID before storming into the bar without waiting for your friends. You took in your surroundings. It was crowded now. It was after eleven now and the groups of friends that had dinner after work were beginning to make their way to the bars. You looked by the bar and didn’t find any of your friends there. You peeked over people’s heads walking by the bar and over by the seats. 

Drew and Daren were sitting in a booth, you noticed, as you got closer. Baekhyun however, was nowhere in sight. Did he leave the bar? Without greeting your friends, you said, “Where’s Baek?”

“Well damn, hello to you too Y/N,” Drew said. 

Daren laughed. “He’s in the bathroom.” You plopped down into the booth next to him. Sadie and Evie came up to the table. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We decided to come to the bar,” you said as Baekhyun approached the table. 

He glanced at you and the girls with surprise. “What are you doing here?”

“We’re bar hopping,” you snapped, turning to him. A flash of hurt crossed Baekhyun’s face but you didn’t care. “I wanna talk to you.”

“Uh,” he said, “sure.” He grabbed his drink from the table and downed the rest of it. The two of you walked out of the bar, leaving your friends behind. You stepped out into the cool night air. Baekhyun didn’t say anything. He could feel the tension and frustration radiating off of your body. He followed you around the corner into a back street.

You stopped in front of a tree, folding your arms across your chest. “I have a question.”

Baekhyun looked down at the sidewalk. “What’s up?”

“What’s going on with us?”

“What do you mean?”

“What the fuck are we doing, Baekhyun? You’ve been avoiding me…”

“I haven’t been avoiding you. We hung out the other day, like old times.”

You were pissed. Here he was acting like he was innocent, like he’d done no wrong. “Do you remember the conversation we had in May?”

Baekhyun looked up at you and nodded. “I do.”

“So,” you said, “what’s going on with us, Baekhyun?”

Baekhyun knew what you were upset about before you even said anything. You’d been wanting to talk to him for a few days and he avoided it every time even if it was just coincidence. The first time he didn’t notice because he was going to see you at brunch with your friends. At first, he’d thought it was just something small you wanted to mention casually. But you didn’t talk at brunch about anything significant and you didn’t get to talk at your place because he ended up having to take care of Daren. He didn’t put together your disappointment until later that night. He felt bad; he even thought of calling you back then. 

He had been avoiding you. He was guilty about it and he also felt guilty about Kira coming back into his life. He was seeing Kira last year before he even met you. Things hadn’t gotten too far with her then but he liked her a lot. Kira left to study abroad and then he met you the following semester. He had a bunch of classes with you and you got closer and closer; close enough to be inside you. 

It wasn’t that he regretted it or that he’d been using you because he ended up liking you. Baekhyun wanted to date you which is why he agreed to it in the first place. The thing was that he didn’t want to start dating you and then go to Korea for the summer a couple days later. He didn’t want to start the relationship off in Korea, arguing and struggling over the time difference and whether or not the two of you were seeing other people. So he wanted to wait. He made a reservation at a steakhouse called Wolfgang’s for September 20th—a Friday night. 

Today was September 20th and he was here at the bar with his friends instead of at that restaurant with you. He planned on asking you out officially then, had his plans not been derailed by a former flame coming back into the picture. He cancelled the reservation last night; that was the point of no return. He couldn’t ask you out when he felt this way about Kira instead of about you. He questioned whether the feelings he had for you had been real or not. He liked you, he cared about you, but you didn’t make his heart explode and fall to the ground in pieces. 

Baekhyun didn’t reply so you asked another question he couldn’t answer. “Do you like me?”

“Of course I like you,” he said. “I care about you.”

“But you don’t like me like that, right?” You bit your lip, trying to hold in the emotions that threatened to leave your body in the form of tears.

Baekhyun let out a sigh. This was the tough part. “I don’t think I feel like that…”

You nodded and headed over to the steps of an apartment building. You sat and ran your hands through your hair before looking up at Baekhyun. “Did you ever like me?”

Baekhyun grabbed onto your hand. “Everything that happened between us...it was real. I did have feelings for you. I never lied to you and—”

“So it’s better to lie to me now, huh?” you asked, pushing his hand away.

“Feelings can change Y/N!”

“Feelings don’t just change overnight. Two weeks ago you were in my bed. Your feelings just vanished into thin air in that short amount of time?”

“Come on, Y/N! I can’t help how I’m feeling. If you found someone you liked, wouldn’t you go for it?”

There it was: the truth. It didn’t come out in the way you thought it would but there it was. He liked someone else, just like Sadie said. You felt like a complete idiot, waiting around for him for this long when it wasn’t even a possibility.

“Don’t hate me for this,” he said. “You would’ve done the same. If things had gone well with that guy you used to like, we wouldn’t have even gotten to this point! There wouldn’t have been any confusion on what this was from the beginning…just casual sex between two people when we needed to get off, mutual entertainment!” He sighed. “Please don’t be upset. You deserve someone whose heart skips a beat when you smile...like yours used to do to me...” 

You let out a laugh and stood up. “Okay, Baekhyun. Fuck you.”

Baekhyun swore under his breath. “Y/N, please don’t take this the wrong way.”

“I think you made yourself clear tonight,” you said, a tear finally falling down your cheek. You turned on your heel and started walking away.

Crystal clear.

*****

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[empyreal-insights]

Dueling Destinies

i. 

In one of my Facebook groups, someone posed a question about "destiny" in the Yoruba context. The more I witness my life, the more I understand that this is another layer new world Africans may have to shapeshift around, or at least redefine.

In Yoruba cosmology, the English word "destiny" is a sort of catch-all to describe the reason(s) you decided to manifest as a human being on earth, and what you need to function effectively during your time here. 

As in most indigenous cultures, children with profound spiritual gifts are often recognized and trained - if not initiated - early. They may stray in adolescence and early adulthood, but many return to their spiritual roots because of this foundation.

So when Yoruba folks say, "Ifa initiation will give you your full destiny," I think it’s true for some. And, I wonder if it’s a best case scenario rooted in a social and cultural framework that supported such a path from the beginning.

ii. 

I never felt a Call on my life, but born in a different time and place, it likely would’ve been seen for me. 

The circumstances of my birth are a diviner’s dream: born after several miscarriages to an almost-30 year old mother into a family marked by premature death and clear connections to the unseen realm. I was intellectually precocious, emotionally sensitive, with a tuft of gray hair that never changed color. 

I had - as my grandmother and others said - been here before.

My mother says everyone knew I was "special," but the folks who may have been astute enough to explain further were gone before I could walk.  

Without that head start, I followed a path common to many on this side of the water: discovered the traditions in my 20s and initiated in my 30s, with plenty to heal by the time I stepped on the mat.* 

iii. 

When I initiated to Osun, I was at a low point. I was still grieving my aunt's passing, heartbroken over the loss of some important relationships, and feeling like my life was on hold. I broke down several times. 

Osun lifted my pain like you shake off blankets in the morning. Gently, with finality, She crumbled the walls around my heart and declared Herself the only armor I needed. I felt a lightness I’d assumed was gone forever. My entire life, there's been a sense of not belonging, and being much older than my chronological age. I knew too much, felt too much, and didn’t have words to describe any of it. Eventually I did enough self work to be all right most of the time, but my bad days could get very, very dark.

My "specialness" wasn't discouraged, but it wasn't honed, either; I struggled with feeling unseen and unheard. Because I wasn't the neediest, squeakiest wheel, and had no inclinations towards rebellion or defiance, my okayness was taken for granted. In many ways, I was fine, but I also had questions it took years to learn how to ask.  

Connecting with Egbe softened those blows. I saw and understood myself in ways I never thought I would. Messages from years of readings and talks with mentors and elders finally synthesized. 

My earthly family is a blessing, but I am a Spirit Child; I needed the support of my people in Orun to be whole here. 

iv.

Years after doing what I was "supposed" to do, destiny became a burden to slough off.  

I've struggled with that because I was told and taught that I was supposed to be more. I was raised to see things through, to seek stability and solid ground. The worst things I could appear to be were flighty, flaky, or foolish - no one had time for that, and the world around me wouldn’t forgive me for it.

And yet, I am not here to be something as specific as a doctor, "healer,” or someone's mother - although I could probably play with each of those identities and experiences if I chose.  

The essence of my spirit is water and aether, meant to pivot flawlessly, dream, shapeshift, create, and flow. These are also the parts of me that have been damaged by learning to live life on Earth.

It’s become crucial for me to enjoy and embrace life as it comes - to learn how to be here now - because by my very nature, I am not overly attached to life. 

I was called here and - for reasons still unknown to my conscious mind - decided to be the one that stayed. 

That choice created a situation whereby I am compelled to make peace with my soul’s distinct need for reconciliation and healing. How that “looks” to anyone is a moot point. 

For now, that reconciliation is the only “destiny” I feel fully equipped to focus on and fulfill with no burden, no pressure, and no worry.

And that is enough. 

--

* There’s a sliver of the Black american community that embraced continental and diasporan versions of African spirituality in the 70s, 80s, and even a bit earlier. But for the most part, my generation is the first to juggle ancestral traditions, western living, and the singularity of African-in-america identity. Even if we're not rejected outright by our families, few understand what the hell we're doing.

.

the rough draft (twitter thread)

[hawkland]

Dear Fandom5k Author

My AO3 account (sidewinder)

Hello and thank you for writing for me! I’m excited to give this exchange a try for the first time and cannot wait to read what you can come up with for one of my requests. Please note I’d love any of them equally, no matter if I have more prompt ideas for one or the other. Some I seriously would love just about anything about since they are so rare, others I have more specific requests to scratch itches I haven’t seen written before (or that much.)

General Likes:

Soumates with a twist. I love soulmate/soulbond AUs, as long as it’s just not a shortcut to happily-ever, no-conflict fluff. I want there to be some difficulties or angst involved. For instance, I’d love seeing any fusion/inspired-by fics based off the concept of the AMC Soumates series - where there’s a newly-developed scientific test a person can choose to take to find their soulmate (if the other person out there has also taken the test). That way it’s a choice to find out or not. Would an already established couple want to take the test to find out if they’re really “meant” to be together or not? What if they find out other people are their “soulmates”? What about the possibility of platonic soulmates vs romantic? Discussions for the future if/when one partner dies before the other? I’d love to see these questions played out with one of my fave ships in either a  happy or somewhat angsty/dark way.

Vacation/travel stories. Being unable to travel this past year+ thanks to covid-19 has me desperate to explore and live vicariously through my favorite characters! So I’d love a story involving travel to somewhere new (to them). It could be a romantic getaway/honeymoon trip to somewhere special - and I love it when an author “takes me” to a favorite city/place of their own. Or two friends just going on an escapade together, maybe one sensing the other needs some time away from a stressful situation or workplace.

Smutty likes: I love extended kissing scenes, frottage, light restraint play, sharing-one-bed-for-~reasons~-ooops-how-did-we-wake-up-cuddling, bathing/caretaking an injured partner-turns-erotic, desperate/reunion sex.

Canon-divergent AUs - I’m always good with fix-its, shifts in canon that only change one thing and see what happens next or instead.

Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats. (I do like Supernatural fics that explore Castiel and the angels having bird-like behaviors and instincts, however.)

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic (except for Jack in SPN)

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc. There are a few ships/groups where I would enjoy specific AUs, and those are outlined below.

Completely sad endings/permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Rape/non-con between requested characters. Dubious consent is fine in situations like magic spells/possession/fuck-or-die, however.

Supernatural

AU - Canon Divergence, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Fix-it fic, Interpersonal Drama, Smut, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, Worldbuilding, Horror

In general for SPN, I love canon-divergence AUs at pretty much any point in time (especially as they kept having so many dumb reasons in canon to keep Dean & Cas apart just when one or the other seriously needed support or TLC!) I’m okay with post-series Heaven fics as well as canon fix-its/completely ignoring the finale, and I like exploring both human!Cas as endgame or Cas keeping/getting his full angelic grace back (which is a slight preference to me, as he repeatedly seemed to genuinely value/want to be an angel? But exploring all possibilities in fic is cool for me.)

I’m a sucker for Castiel Whump/hurt!Cas in general, so long as the author remembers Cas is a bad ass and not just a baby in a trenchcoat. If he’s going to suffer, I want him to suffer stoically until he just cannot keep up the facade any longer.  

SPN-specific DNWs: mentions/implications of Wincest, past or present; extreme bashing/characterization of John and Mary Winchester, or Jimmy Nowak, as homophobic. 

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester

Give me all the finale fix-it fics - no I’m still not over it, I’m still happy to read any new twist on how Cas got out of the Empty and got back together with Dean (and Sam). If Dean still dies early/ends up in Heaven, I’d like a story that explores what happens when one gets bored of peace-and-happiness-ever-after. (Yes, I’m a big fan of The Good Place and as such it makes me wonder if eternity with no conflict and everything you could ever want would just melt your brain and identity after a few millennia.) So what then?

I’m also stealing a Tumblr rant as a prompt I’d love to read, if you want to get into some good dirty smut:

ive had it up to here with fictional gays being like “i love you and if all i can ever have is that knowledge it’s enough for me” we need more “i have been struck down by horny insanity and i beg you to fuck me once. i’ve had three smirnoff ices and i’m gonna be crazy now. we can pretend it didn’t happen i don’t give a shit just gimme daddy’s blunt instrument” it’s more realistic [x]

Um so yeah. I’d love an au where, anywhere along the line when it’s been their/someone’s/the universe’s life on the life, Cas takes the initiative decides they’re gonna have crazy sex even if it’s just once before the end of the world/we die. But then, oops, we’ve survived, now we have to deal with it. ...Please?

For something different, maybe more romantic/fluffy, I’d really love a vacation/getaway story here, since they never really got anything like that of substance on the show. I want to see Cas take Dean somewhere beautiful and amazing in the world he’s never gotten to see before. Show him there’s more than just greasy diners and the landscape of America to enjoy and experience. If you want, they could stumble on a case/haunting/monster from another part of the world while they’re at it...but I just really want to see Dean having some mind-opening and expanding experiences beyond what’s he’s known and seen so far in life.

In specific with Cas/Dean + Sam, I love another tumblr idea I saw recently where Sam totally keeps bringing up the idea of “Sastiel” as a fun joke between him and Cas, and Cas plays along, and it drives Dean up the wall. Cas has to just keep re-assuring Dean that no, he doesn’t see Sam that way...but why does it bother Dean so much? A.k.a. Dean has to finally own up to the fact that it bothers him because he wants Cas to feel that way about him.

Castiel (Supernatural)

I just love Cas, period, end of story, he’s my One True Character of SPN. I love any stories that try to explore him more fully—be it his relationships in the past with other angels and being a BAMF commander/warrior of Heaven, or what specifically it is that keeps him so tied to the Winchesters. I love stories that feature his true-form in some fashion or try to dig into the alien/different nature of angels vs. humans.

Also, another Tumblr-musing-turned-prompt (I lost who posted it, sorry!) I'd love to see explored in a canon divergence fic focused on Cas. Specifically: 

"I would have loved an arc for Cas (after he got his grace back) where he wanted to help people, like he was helped. Spending time in soup kitchens or healing people, and through that developing a sense of self purpose, leading to his grace replenishing unexpectedly. Sort of fulfilling the traditional angel role (as we know it nowadays) by replacing his faith in heaven/dean with faith in himself, to redefine himself as a protector of humanity instead of heaven's soldier."

Group: Castiel/Dean Winchester & Jimmy Novak Group: Castiel & Jimmy Novak

We know Cas carried a lot of guilt for what happened to Jimmy and his whole family. So I'm interested in a post-finale, canon-compliant (I guess?) fic where Cas tries to reconcile things with Jimmy in Heaven. Maybe Jimmy & Amelia were one of his first "projects" or test cases in trying to build a new and better Heaven with Jack? (And it's what he was so busy with while Dean was still alive.) Or, is it weird in Heaven with Cas and Jimmy looking so similar? Does Cas still fight doubts as to whether Dean really loves him, or just desires this body/form that isn’t his own?

Otherwise, I've been thinking about Endverse!Cas, who had lost his grace/powers as the angels have all left and abandoned humankind. What happened to/where is Jimmy in all of that? (If we go by the canon that Jimmy was not killed, nor went to Heaven, until the end of Season 5, when Lucifer blew up that vessel and Cas was resurrected by Chuck.) Are they now two "mortal men"/souls trapped sharing one body? Is that why Cas is so messed up/always seeking an escape through drugs and sex? (Besides of course Dean having changed so much.) This is one prompt where I don’t mind a very dark/not-so-happily-ever-after ending.

The Police

Angst, Character Development, Established Relationship, Getting Together, Humor, Interpersonal Drama, Smut

Group: Sting/Stewart Copeland

Yeah I’ll always request these two together even though I know it’s a long shot to find anyone else as obsessed about them as I am. Really anything at all whatsoever would make me happy for this ship: Reunion Tour-era fic, early punk days before they grew successful, soulmate AUs...

I’d also love a spooky story where they’re on tour/on the road somewhere and end up in a haunted hotel. Or their tour bus/van breaks down in the middle of nowhere and they have to seek shelter in an abandoned house or farm or something...and supernatural weirdness ends up affecting them or bringing them together.

If you want to go the crack route: it wasn’t enough for Miles to take them all around the world to tour in “exotic” locations back in the day. He’s arranged for them now to go on the ultimate tour...of outer space and alien worlds.

Crossover Fandom

Action/Adventure, Character Development, Interpersonal Drama, Angst, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural

Group: Abe Morgan (Forever TV) & John Munch (L&O: SVU)

I’ve had a long running headcanon that these two could have been friends back in their respective 60s/early 70s hippie days. I’d love either a story set back then, “pre-canon”, or them running into each other in NYC later in life. Munch ending up in Abe’s antique shop, for instance, while on an investigation?  

Group: Dean Winchester (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) Group: Castiel (Supernatural) & Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone)

I’m fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there’s some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there’s still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I’d love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there…) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at “life on Earth”…but the devil’s trick is that it’s not HIS Earth, it’s in a different dimension (Supernatural’s). I’m also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel–perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean’s, and seeks out his help?

Basically I’d love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

Group: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character Development, Established Relationship, Humor, Getting Together, Interpersonal Drama, Canon-Style Plot - Freeform, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery/Procedural, Slice of Life, AU-Genre shift

Munch/Fin is one of my eternal OTPs so I’m always happy to see something new featuring them! I’m always good for procedural/case-fics. And this is one request where I’d love to read some AU-Genre or setting shift, reimagining the two in some other situations besides police work. I’ve always loved the idea of John hosting a conspiracy/weird news radio show or podcast, and Fin as someone completely skeptical but who gets wrapped up in one of John’s mysteries. Or John as the owner of a bar somewhere that Fin is one of his regulars, and over time their friendship develops/deepens into something more.

Supernatural RPF

Misha Collins/Jensen Ackles Established Relationship, Getting Together, Smut, Fluff, Slice of Life, Humor

It’s odd for me to be into an actor RPF fandom (I usually only fall for music/band-related ones), but what can I say...these two just make it almost impossible not to see the possibilities!

I was thinking I’d love something set post-Supernatural...their first time seeing each other again after a long time apart? (What with the show ending, covid, Misha’s surgery, etc etc.) Could be at a convention or maybe they get to go off on a getaway together somewhere private/romantic and it’s...kind of tense and maybe nervous/angsty at first? Like with doubts about whether they can/should go back to the way things were before.

Or: putting tin-hatty speculation about the “secret/real identity” of Alma Perpetua aside, I love their poetry and I’d love any “Cockles” fic using one of their poems as inspiration.

[poetic-beats]

Hey..

Just thought I’d blog a little update. I’ve been pretty absent more than usual this week I took a few days of rest after fucking my back I also missed my meds for various reasons some not my fault for a couple days or more like 3 or 5 days not entirely sure. So I had a massive breakdown & it was weird now I have this much clearer mind and awareness because I’m actually lucid. I guess the Bipolar even outside of manic episodes clouded my mind far more than I realised until I stopped having any Bipolar episodes ( from what I can tell since January).

So anyways bcos of this new found self awareness & clarity whilst I was losing it I was so self aware of it yet couldn’t stop it. I was basically not really in control it was weird, like my mouth was moving I was speaking & just spiralling but it’s like it wasn’t in my control and instead I was sort of sitting back watching it happen as if I was idk it was just like in the end I was saying to my mum who bless her had to deal with this meltdown. 

I was like I’m aware I’m being ‘xyz’ right now I know I’m being this and that but its like even with the self awareness during that kind of meltdown its like I kinda can’t stop it I have to get it all of my chest I have to vocalise it & then I can try to come down from it & calm down. But it can be frustrating like me sitting there seeing me doing this saying this stuff losing it and shouting just a complete mess its like I’m watching it happen rather than partaking in it even though I’m the one having it idk how to explain it bcos it wasnt like an outer body or dissociative experience.  It was just this extreme hyper awareness of my actions its like how when i was manic my body would do & say things & i felt like a backseat driver looking through my eyes as if they were a lens you know I was seeing what was going on but as if I was a person stuck inside the head watching not seeing through the eyes but watching as if the body was under control/ belong to someone else & i was a mere inhabitant watching as if it was live TV.

Because that’s kinda how it feels to be so self aware that as you speak you know you’re sounding a little off kilter I think its bcos of this assumption if you’re Aware of your actions, to be extremely self aware you then in most peoples eyes have the ability to simply stop said actions. As for most NT people if they were to do something shitty and didnt stop it, its likely a lack of self awareness okay I can think of a billion situations that could counter what ive just said but i cant think of a specific scenario off the top of my head at almost 3 in the morning to explain it better.

But if you’re mentally ill you will probably have encountered people like this who believe that if you know what you’re doing is bad or an over reaction you should be able to stop it and just not do it because i mean if you know you’re shouting & you shouldn’t be you can just stop shouting its simple really in terms of what the body physically needs to do however my mind at that time isn’t so rational & i suppose I’d argue upon thinking about it I actually only came to those thoughts as I’d already calmed down a little not much but a little then I was like saying I know I’m doing this and its this and that plus after I had calmed down more I apologised to my mum hugged it out & explained in a calmer manner I was just frustrated about not being able to take my meds for the past 2 days cos reasons out of my control.