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↪Take my wounds and scars, and engrave them into dragon scales

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a twitter thread that actually killed me

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Wilbur: Who's the lucky- who's the lucky lady, who's Missa, what's she like?

Phil: It's a dude. *laughs*

Wilbur: Phil, you didn't tell me you were bi, and also polyamorous.

Phil: Definitely not.

Wilbur: What does Kri- what does Kristin think of your- of your... husband?

Phil: SHE'S NOT CANON IN THIS UNIVERSE! And we- and it's not like that, it's not like that- it's uh, we're- it's platonic, we're just dude's hanging out protecting an egg-

Wilbur: Who's the top?

Phil:

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Quackity: There's a possibility you have two fathers *laughs* and there's nothing bad with having two days, ok? One of them - one of them is a man called Luzu, and the other one is a man called Wilbur. How does that sound, son? Now we're gonna have to choose and find out which one of them is gonna be your dad.

Tilin: *puts down a sign*

Quackity: Let's see, what does it say? Move, move son I can't read it.

Tilin's sign: I'm la tres leches?

Quackity:

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there are many, many funny things about kingdom hearts, but for me the funniest part is in any scene where there’s supposed to be a big crowd but the devs didn’t want to model literally anyone so it’s just a huge empty room with only the absolutely necessary characters there

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girls love combining medications. you love combining medications

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whoa... she's cringe? AND she's fail? 😍

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say what u want about the manscaped ads I know they are shit, all of them but the “evil, sinister, malcontent, balls” one puts me into fucking hysterics actually

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I don’t have much longer…

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text from my mom

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hey just so you know, op of that post you reblogged let the dogs out :/

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?????????????????????

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In Barbie (2023), directed by Greta Gerwig, Ken says he wants to spend the night with Barbie because they're boyfriend and girlfriend and when she asks him "to do what?", he replies "I'm actually not sure". This is a perfect analogy to kids playing with Barbie dolls, as they know that couples "do things" but are too young to know exactly what. In this essay I will

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This is an adorable thing that cardinal couples do. Most birds only feed their young this way but cardinals feed their mates as part of their bonding rituals.